#IT'S NOT ALIENS

[marvinthemillennialmouse]

Thoughts on Marvin Lore - part 8

Whenever you see something happening that's pretty strange and hard to explain--and you get to the thought "maybe it's aliens!" trust me... it's not.

For starters, we know how to evade all your detection technology. If you have anything that can spot us, you deserve to catch us. You just haven't yet.

We aren't interested in taking over your world. At least... not yet. Who knows what the corporate overlords back on Mars will decide is the next most profitable business venture?

No, we're not crash landing here and getting caught by the government, we've already set up a channel of communication for things like visiting groups, resident aliens (literally), and even permanent residents.

I'm on a B-15 master card (get it? visa? master card? it's a funny joke and if you're not laughing, check your pulse, you might be dead) which says that I'm allowed to live here so long as I don't try to influence society to my culture's way of life.

Pffff... right... like there's any chance of that.

If anything YOUR culture has influenced ME to influence YOU BACK to push you even more to the left because I'll be damned if I come to this mudball only to have it turn into MARS.

Seriously... y'all are kind of on your way to it. You need to fix the whole global warming situation pronto.

Anyway, the whole "IT'S ALIENS!!!" thing is so played out, boring, and tired. I wish the people pushing this nonsense would find another hobby because I'm tired of feeling like I can't tell more of my friends that I ain't from around here.

Y'all have a saying, "extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof" and damn is that a good saying. So when some dude sits in front of a panel of big spooky important people and gets asked a bunch of questions dancing around "WAS IT ALIENS!?!" and he basically says yes... maybe don't jump straight to "IT WAS ALIENS!!" because I've looked into it. I've even had a few folks at the Alien Affairs Agency drop me a line wanting me to vet weirdos like him.

It's. Never. Aliens.

Unless it is. Like me. We won't be flying around, getting shot down, getting captured by the military and having our technology and biology reverse engineered.

We're going to be sight seeing, visiting your theme parks and resorts and tourist attractions, maybe picking someone up at a bar and then taking them back to our spaceship for a night of dirty, nasty, core-memory-forming probing/sex.

Me, I run a second-hand bookshop where I kick out fascists and nazis on sight because fuck them. I also run a side-business that I only tell select few people about depending on their needs and if they can be trusted to keep a secret.

"Hey, that's a nice gender you got there, would be a shame if somethin' were ta happen to it... you want some gender insurance? For just a few bucks, I can get you set up with whatever gender you want and help you keep it that way."

If you can't make the hormones you want from scratch, storebought is fine, and mine are artisanal crafted or whatever the hipsters call it. Whatever, it's sweet magical super-science and it will make your day... just be aware it might be a really weird day... for a few days. Maybe a week. Still working on the side effects.

[good-fwiend-in-wome]

SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT ALIENS IF THERE WERE ALIENS CAPABLE OF INTERSTELLAR TRAVEL THEY WOULDN'T JUST FUCK AROUND FLYING TO TAUNT RANDOM PILOTS. ANY SUBSTANTIATED OFFICIAL EVIDENCE OF UFOS USES UFOS AS WHAT IT ACTUALLY MEANS, ALIENS ARE A LOOOING WAY DOWN THE LIST OF THINGS THAT A FLYING OBJECT THAT IS NOT IDENTIFIED COULD BE. EVERY OTHER STORY IS QUACKS TRYING TO SELL YOU A FUCKING BOOK. IF THE PENTAGON EVEN SUSPECTED THAT THIS GUY WANTED TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING THIS BIG THAT THEY DIDN'T WANT KNOWN HE WOULDN'T STILL BE ALIVE.

[beebeedibapbeediboop]

Xenokitty

[junkfoodcinemas]

2024 + HORROR

[camilleflyingrotten]

[wuntrum]

ripley :)

[rzc11]

[markwateneymemorialcrater]

Please note. The orange one is not included because A. He isn’t a billionaire. And B. Calling him obnoxious is too kind for him.

[explosionshark]

EXTREMELY FUCKING FUNNY WAY TO TALK ABOUT PRACTICAL EFFECTS

[mostly-funnytwittertweets]

[livs-cooke]

ALIEN (1979) dir. Ridley Scott

[blusoldier]

[thelvadams]

ALIEN: ISOLATION (2014) • Creative Assembly

[thermodynamic-comedian]

me when the character has a uniquely fucked mindset. me when the character's fundamental views of how the world works lead to them being hurt and/or hurting others and not seeing the problem with this. me when the character is a little freak who does weird shit because their beliefs, inspired entirely by their environment, are fuckeddddd

[evercelle]

"tragedies: the love was there"