#IT'S IN SIMLISH THIS IS SO FUNNY
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Oh my god
HELP ?
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Of the standard paradiddle
#this is so funny to me#idk anything about drum so to me paradiddle is just simlish#i was just watching him be cool the whole interview#no clue what he said#ii#sleep token
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guys me and my sister got sooooo many laughs singing all the words to a song from the stereo in the app store version of sims 3 ambitions that i've never been able to find online
#ik here at simblr we all have a simlish song we know all the words to#but it was so funny to me how hilarious our friends found it#lush.talk
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the way when i was 13 rings of akhaten destroyed me mentally (derogatory) and then i rewatched it to make that edit expecting to feel the same way and am now coming back to That Scene like 8 times a day and it is destroying me mentally (affectionate)
#COME OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON THEEEEN#been going full autism mode w this 1#the leaf was also fine like its just so funny to me bc the psychic damage i got from that entire thing back when it came out was beyond#and for what#the way i never recovered from leaf clara#i was never against the leaf CONCEPT at all like i understood the point i love that type shit but the execution was just so fucking funny#it broke me. chidi anagonye this broke me dot jpg#how can people say 11 era wasnt camp does secret song opens the secret door mean nothing to u#i also was just traumatized by musicals at the time (mr burns) so tht episode was like my personal nightmare#but no the tune when it goes wake up wake up ignites smth in my bones now like#and then it punches u out when it comes back on his regeneration when i realised tht was the same song i lost it#bitch not 11 of all doctors regenerating to the long song i die#o yeah i think its also important to note that i didnt hear the lyrics and literally thought they were talking simlish#cannot explain#rings of akhaten#liveblogging#doctor who
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For being the "PRO DISABILITY" site y'all really don't give a fuck about psychosis do you?
#saw a AITA post where someone plays simlish songs at work because and i quote#“It makes them unconfortable and kinda question reality”#which uhhh???? hello??#and the notes are full of peolle laughing and being like OP YOURE SO FUNNY FOR THIS#no. no they arent.#if this was someone intentionally doing something that could be seen as triggering an autistic sensory issue#they would be voted YTA and yelled at immediately#jesus fucking christ
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Hi :) It's a funny coincidence that a day after I posted this set on my Patreon, EA's latest update introduced a hot cocoa set with the latest Sims 4 update.
I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with cocoa. I've been allergic to it ever since I was a kid, so I try to avoid chocolate and desserts that contain cocoa. Buuut I can't say no to a cup of steaming hot cocoa, even if it makes me break out. Because the sacrifice is totally worth it!
I hope you're not allergic like me, and you'll enjoy this festive hot cocoa set.❤
It's available as early access on my Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/hot-cocoa-set-117155048
As well as on CurseForge: https://www.curseforge.com/sims4/build-buy/hot-cocoa-set
The set includes 5 items:
Gingerbread cookie plate | 8 swatches | Poly count: 606 highest LOD
Hot cocoa mug | 10 swatches | Poly count: 1334 highest LOD
Marshmallow pack in Simlish | 8 swatches | Poly count: 110 highest LOD
Cocoa powder in a box in Simlish | 7 swatches | Poly count: 22 highest LOD
Candy canes in a jar | 12 swatches | Poly count: 1934 highest LOD
All of them are Base Game compatible and have different poly counts for each LOD.
A huge THANK YOU to Franzillasims who made the Simlish font Noodle Caboodle: https://franzillasims.tumblr.com/post/147214552126/noodle-caboodle-an-attempt-to-mimic
❤ Type "YannaSims4" in the game search bar to find all of my CC.
❤ Please don't modify, reupload, sell or claim my meshes as your own.
❤ If you'd like to support me, you can get EARLY ACCESS of my CC on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/YannaSims4CC
#sims4#sims 4#sims4cc#sims 4 cc#sims 4 custom content#ts4#ts4cc#ts4ccfinds#thesims4cc#sims4ccfinds#sims 4 cc finds#my cc#my cc finds#simblr#the sims 4#thesims4#maxismatch#maxis match#maxis match cc#sims 4 maxis cc#ts4 maxis match#ts4 maxis cc
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DO YOU REMEMBER?
It's the 21st of September again! I made these shirts last year but it was too late to share but I'm on time now. Anyway, very simple recolor and more effort went into making this build and the sim than anything. Enjoy.
recolored base game mesh
4 swatches each (2 simlish, 2 english)
available for both frames, T-E
color tagged, ENabled for random (because I think it's funny to wear this when it's not 9/21)
TOU
Download: (no adfly)
Simfileshare
youtube
In case you haven't seen Demi's 9/21 videos before for some reason, here's the one that inspired the build above.
youtube
so I had taken a bunch more pictures but forgot reshade hadn't been set up again now that my game is dx11 sooo those screenshots are actually just gone RIP
#itsonlythee-sims#mycc#video#do you remember#cas cc#september 21#that's today#maxis match cc#keep it simlish#s4 tops#alwaysfreecc#ts4mm#earth wind and fire#Bandcamp
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Ace Sweater Designs by artsymeeshee in the Sims 4
I saw this Gravity Falls fanart by @artsymeeshee that featured Ford discovering that he's asexual and asking Mabel if she can make him sweaters themed around that. So he ends up wearing three cute Mabel sweaters themed around asexuality. I liked the designs that @artsymeeshee came up with so much that I decided that I wanted to put them in the Sims 4, so here we go! Look at (my terrible attempt at recreating) Ford and Mabel go!
There are two versions of the sweaters with words on them-- one is in English, the other is in Simlish. The green sweater says "NO ROMO" in English (Helvetica font) and "NEIB ROMO" in Simlish (Nootrasim font-- I think "neib" is Simlish for no but don't quote me on it). The purple sweater says "SPACE ACE" in English (RaveParty Bold font) and "SPACE ACE" in Simlish (also Nootrasim font, because Blender was being a jerk about the other Simlish fonts I tried).
There is also a blank sweater with three swatches-- these are just the sweaters without any icons or funny sayings on them.
I made separate versions for the male and female models in the Sims 4. The ones for the male models are labeled "mal" whereas the ones for the female models are labeled "fem." You need to download both the male and female models if you want the sweater to be available for all genders.
Note: You will need the Holiday Celebrations DLC to see the sweaters in the game. This is because the sweater model is from a turtleneck in that DLC. The DLC is available from EA for free.
I hope I did an okay job at least! Thanks again to @artsymeeshee for letting me use her designs and for making an awesome comic! Here's the spread:
DOWNLOAD LINK: http://simfileshare.net/folder/227645/
#sims 4#ts4#sims 4 cas#ts4 cas#maxis match cc#mm cc#sims 4 mods#ts4 mods#the sims#the sims mods#sims 4 screenshots#cc#asexuality#ace pride#acearo#asexual aromantic
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Perhaps my charm has its use still?
Although I'm content it's you I'm trying on
I'm afraid flabbergastingly doesn't exist, unfortunately. However, coming from your own words.. I'd like to think it does
On the paper itself, you can see from 20:51 and ending at 21:06 just last year.
C'est une grande different, en plus das best wel behoorlijk grappig dat haar haren zijt te groot
Bah, reference originally from Pinterest (can't find which it was) and honestly that's such a weird way to see old to new art..??
#hurt/no comfort?#uh oh#those are the stories i make#i absolutely love angst#jockw has fainted again! jockw lost 400 tease-coins!#38 reblogs on the run!#oh no that was exactly the point#i was referencing the meme actually#but ive seen someone made annabel visibly frustrated and confused as to how lenore was winning in chess when she admitted to eating them#my posh english is my american english translations#never in my whole life would i actually said that wow#im not american#did you just spoke simlish with me..?#wooing#what a funny word#your honor i demand a refund i actually dont want a divorce arc#it's more of a mere chance of an artist meeting another fellow edit lover#i just got scared so bad from my whatsapp notifs what the absolute hell#i dont know what im doing either#we're both hopeless romanticus#although being called a flower suits you more than i do#eyo im feeling dyslexic my heart is pounding and ive never felt so gay what#im not entirely sure if thats spanish or italian?#wow.. sunny? i thought i was bleek as ice because im cold#not as in rude#i mean yes i coulf be rude sometimes but never to you#as in i dont wear my jacket#because who the hell thought it was a great idea to have 30 degrees celsius on a winter day#my gods you are such the biggest flirt
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"Oh my gosh do you sound like a sim to them??"
Me trying to place myself in their shoes:
"Why the fuck do I sound like a villager in Animal Crossing-- ARE THEY HEARING ANIMALESE WHEN I SPEAK?!"
(A.k.a I saw the previous ask and thought wait a minute. Two different worlds. Languages so similar but so different....... We're basically speaking animalese in another game/world lmfao)
(Bonus: Creator!Reader knows this and takes full advantage as their payback. Traveller magically understands and speaks back causing further pyschic confusion. Pretty sure soke brains have been melted among linguistic students in Sumeru)
-Vine Boom
VINE BOOM MY BELOVED IM SO LATE TO ATTEND TO YOU!! :'(
It has been a minute and yet, you remain my love!! Thank you for your patience, have a little scenario as my thanks for that and submitting the cool idea <3
Me @ you: ♥ ( ॢᵕ n ᵕ (꒡ᵋ ꒡ღ) mwah! /p
this gif is just really cute thats why its here.
also i have very little to add so its short but only bc im ✨uncreative✨ atm and ur ask alone is funny enough lmao, so once again, a scenario bc vine booms just a genius all on their own ✨️
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😭so you mean 😭 as revenge 😭 for this awful deed 😭 done to your speech 😭 you just start EMBRACING IT 😭😭😭PLEAASEEE-
PLEASE the traveler understands it!! 💀
Also if anyone reads this im so sorry ive flooded the sagau tag with language shenanigans LMAO
◇
Ever since you realized that the entirety of Teyvat sounds like Sims to you, (and the subsequent awful reckoning that you sound the same to them 😭)
You have finally mentally recovered enough courage, and desperately shoved any embarrassment deep into your soul, to try and think of what to do about it
♤
You quickly found that people had 3 types of reactions to your speech,
1. They try to understand the nonsense like you trying to understand their Simlish, it really doesnt work, you wish you could tell them to give up and just gesture at you instead:
(ALHAITHAM he keeps trying then giving up then trying again lol, Diluc, ZHONGLI, Sara, Albedo, Candace, Dehya she thinks she’s gonna get it THIS time she swears-, Eula, Gorou, GANYU she feels bad lmao, Jean, AYAKA, keqing, kuki, Nahida, ningguang, AETHER, Thoma, xinyan, XIAO)
◇
2. They act like you when you hear animal crossing characters speak 💀 you can see the “omg so cute” sparkle in their eyes:
(KAZUHA, kokomi, barbara, KAEYA, ZHONGLI again lol he tries to hide it but you can see the tiny smile everytime you walk over and start ranting at him bc ur bored, Faruzan, GOROU, AYATO, YAE MIKO, keqing, LISA, mika, mona, KLEE literally loves you and you can tell shes always trying to get you to say something lol, Ei (archon), Rosaria she always SMIRKS and ur just- 😳, CHILDE the little shit giggles at ur misery, LUMINE AND AETHER U CANT TRUST EITHER OF THEM- , THOMA, SCARAMOUCHE BUT HE’D NEVER ADMIT IT BUT HE ALWAYS IS OBVIOUSLY TRYING TO HIDE A TINY SMILE AND GOES A LITTLE PINK-!! SAME FOR XIAO LMAO)
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3. You know that tiktok audio thats like Isabella from Animal Crossing singing, and then someone’s like “uh-huh! YEAH! OKAY!!” yeah like that, but to you LMAO
(ITTO, Bennett, KAVEH, heizou, VENTI, Nilou she like nods after everything you say and makes sure you’re treated well in every conversation aw, qiqi, KLEE, Raiden (puppet) + Ei (archon), SHENHE no explanation needed, CYNO too, LUMINE, YELAN, yoimiya, yunjin)
♧
Alright i got tired sorry not everybody’s there lol^
So no matter the reaction, they all are a little bummed nobody can get you,
…but then of. Fucking. Course.
LUMINE/AETHER as ALWAYS get SPECIAL TREATMENT
(there’s not a single person throughout all the nations, the archons, the allogenes, doesnt matter, who hasn’t felt a LITTLE pang of envy for this- bc as cute as you sound, goddamit they USED to understand you when you weren’t physically here, before you overcame the Universal Barrier AKA the computer screen lol)
AND THEY GET TO UNDERSTAND YOU.
The Sumeru linguistics department is grinding their teeth, Alhaitham straight up glares every time they translate for you lmao, Zhongli’s eye twitches at least once everytime they do so, Kazuha is literally trying to bribe them with cool places he’s seen that the traveler hasn’t so they’ll share the secret of how to understand you, Ningguang gets 10x chillier when they’re helping convos w/ you, Ei looks like she’s fucking pouting-
☆
Aether is just like 🤨?? For what?? I’m helping???
So confused he never gets what’s going on lol
✨
Lumine, on the other hand, is FULLY aware and smirks every time she’s so smug about it LMAO
^ the embodiment of the cat surrounded by knives meme ^
☆
Ahhhh my exhibition is April 6th u guys!
May I finally rest in peace when that day comes 🪦
Cant wait to graduate and just have a regular job and not academia + deadlines 😭😫
Hope you guys have had a nice week or two!
Look out for more posts after the 6th :>
Safe Travels,
💀♒️
♡the beloveds♡
@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist
Short one but hope its fun my beloved!! :)
#so cursed#take ur revenge yes vine boom the way u think#everytime i think a little too hard abt ur anon name i giggle bc its from the blunt lang au lmao#my askers big brains>>> anything i post#genshin impact#genshin sagau#sagau#my asks#genshin imagines#gender neutral reader#genshin isekai#genshin sagau ideas#genshin god reader#genshin impact sagau#genshin x reader#genshin reader insert#god i never remember all the tags i need to put dammit
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Aren't the Wayne's already New Jersey Royalty? They already pulled the sword from the trash. The real question is, who are they blaming? My money is on Jason, but Bruce probably did it.
I can see Bruce or Jason being the one to pull it out. Referred post(it's funny)
Jason because a boy who came from the heart of Gotham, and Bruce because his family is so intertwined with the history of the city.
Jason walked a lady home and as he passed an alley he noticed a group of kids huddled around a pile of garbage. He takes it out and a light shines on him as the children watch in awe. “You’re the king of New Jersey”
Bruce is patrolling and notices it and grabs the sword, cause this shouldn't be in a random alley? Why wasn't it pawned off?? He is immediately looking up like a toddler that got tapped on the head when the light comes shining down upon him with a voice going “You’re the king of New Jersey”
It is the funniest thing that's happened since everyone decided to send in there reports in Simlish for a week.
Thanks for the ask!!
#i never rushed through dishes so fast before y'all#bruce didn't stop at batburger when they were all in the batmoblie so they decided to be annoying#it was duke’s idea to send them in simlish#batfam#bruce wayne#batman#jason todd#red hood#gotham#new jeresy#i never get asks so I very excited
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the house of wolves version 2 demo is literally like listening to house of wolves in simlish and it’s so fucking funny. like hey i know this one- wait what. what the fuck is this guy saying w. what huh
#bro is literally incomprehensible the whole song 😭😭#RRRRRING AROUND THE AMBULANCCCEE AND aikskdjhewiii….#ALSLJSBSJEKEK BUT IM NEVER GONNA LEAVE YOU ALONE#1000000/10 experience definitely recommend#iconic#mcr#my chemical romance#my chemical fucking romance#gerard way#frank iero#ray toro#mikey way#the black parade#house of wolves
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Custom Text Booty Shorts!
Something small ive been working on for a few weeks now, i generally think the custom text booty shorts with radioactive waste warnings on them are pretty funny so i made some for my sims to wear
they come in both english and simlish, with the options of text being
onlysims.com
this cake is mentally ill
MEDICAL MALPRACTICE
YOUR TEXT HERE
NOTHING VALUED IS HERE
download is sfs, no adfly
dl:
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Italian Ice Creams Food for The Sims 2
These are 3 "famous" italian ice creams: Maxibon Classic, Caramel and Cucciolone. I have them in my game but I tought it was nice to share them with you too. I don't want to make a simlish version so don't ask me for that. They are medium poly (3k). It's a dessert and it's available at anytime in single and serving portions. In the single state it has a plate too. You need the invisibile plate for it to work (I added it in the rar).
Cucciolone Ice Cream is a sort of meme. It's a little bit "melted" on the top, I thought it was funny to keep it this way because when I buy it, it's always like that and it's so hard to read the joke on the top. Cucciolone is famous for its "cold" puns; on my version there is a bather who says to the dog "You are good at being a doggy", where "doggy" is also the swimming style... so stupid xD
DOWNLOAD HERE
#sims 2 cc#sims 2 download#the sims 2#ts2#the sims 2 cc#ts2 download#food#cute#sims 2 food#ice cream#italian food#italian dessert
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OC QUESTIONNAIRE
Thanks for the tag, @stargazer-sims and @eljeebee! I really enjoyed reading your questionnaires! And since you both tagged me, I am going to do this for Sasha and Gideon because I'm obsessed with telling their story, and I need a little fluff for them; they've been going through a lot recently.
Gideon: Interesting! Ready?
Sasha: Nooooo.
Gideon: I'll go first.
NAME: Gideon Westergaard
NICKNAME: None (Sasha: Oh, I can think of a FEW, all of them unpublishable.)
GENDER: Cis man
STAR SIGN: I honestly don't know...and I don't really care. (Sasha: He's a virgo, obviously. Please.)
HEIGHT: 6'3 (1.90 cm)
ORIENTATION: Bi, like many vampires.
NATIONALITY/ETHNICITY: Citizen of San Myshuno, member of the Forgotten Hollow Coven, originally from somewhere further north of Windenburg.
FAVORITE FRUIT: Sasha... (Sasha: SERIOUSLY? You think that's funny? F*ck you!)
FAVORITE SEASON: Fall.
FAVORITE FLOWER: Lily of the valley
FAVORITE SCENT: Cartier's Pasha.
COFFEE, TEA, or HOT CHOCOLATE: (Gideon: *Looks at Sasha.* Sasha: DON'T YOU DARE. NO.) Scotch. If good quality, I prefer it neat. (*Sasha pretends to puke*)
AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP: I don't need much sleep; I usually get 4-5 hours.
DOGS or CATS: *Grins broadly* My kitten, of course. (*Sasha grumbles incoherently*)
DREAM TRIP: I actually love San Myshuno. I like going to the art galleries, theaters, concert halls- all the activities the city has to offer. But if I had to travel somewhere...I like skiing. Mt. Komorebi is quite the challenge.
NUMBER OF BLANKETS: I don't really get cold.
RANDOM FACT: Vampires are connected to their covens via specific bloodlines. Gideon has a coven sire, who turned him- but the one who claims him as her "child" is his coven's mistress (more to be revealed...can't wait to share.)
Gideon: Your turn!
Sasha: Hello, nosey people! Why don't you mind your own bu-
NAME: Sasha Velky
NICKNAME: Sash. Sassy, but don't call me that ever. Loco- but only Hector gets to call me that (Gideon visibly bristles at this). And...that's it. (Gideon mouths 'kitten' and winks. Sasha does not acknowledge this and maintains a steady glare.)
GENDER: Cis man
STAR SIGN: Okay, my sun sign is Taurus, moon sign is Leo, and Aquarius rising! (Gideon: What? Was that even Simlish? Sasha: That's such a virgo reaction.)
HEIGHT: 5'9 (1.75 cm)
ORIENTATION: Homosexy (Gideon: Did you mean homosexual- Sasha: NO! I know what I said! It's a JOKE! I didn't get mixed up this time! You are so pretendcious sometimes! *Gideon doesn’t dare correct him this time; Sasha’s irritated enough.*)
NATIONALITY/ETHNICITY: I'm from San Myshuno, born and raised, but my mom was from Simvlakia and I understand and speak Simvlakian a little bit. I can't write it for sh*t.
FAVORITE FRUIT: Twinkies. (*Gideon shakes his head*)
FAVORITE SEASON: Summer.
FAVORITE FLOWER: Sunflowers.
FAVORITE SCENT: (*Looks sheepishly at Gideon*) Cartier's Pasha. (*Gideon sits up, pleased*)
COFFEE, TEA, or HOT CHOCOLATE: Cigarettes. (Gideon: What happened to quitting? Sasha: I'm no quitter! Hey- don't look at me like that...I am trying. It's been three days, ok? Gideon: I'm so proud of you!)
AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP: I need 7-8. I'm a pretty deep sleeper.
DOGS or CATS: Yes.
DREAM TRIP: I don't know...I haven't really been out of San Myshuno. I always wanted to visit my mom's family in Simvlakia, but I wouldn't know where to begin. After she died, my father got rid of all her pictures, her papers, documents...I don't have anything from her, except for a stuffed animal from when I was really little. (*Gideon inhales sharply and his expression darkens- it begins to soften again when Sasha rests his head on his shoulder.*)
NUMBER OF BLANKETS: One? Two? I guess I get cold at night. (Gideon, knowingly: Hey- I can keep you warm at night. *Sasha, perking up*: You are a pervert! Is this a ploy to get me in your bed? Gideon: Always... Sasha: *Snickers*)
RANDOM FACT: Sasha has a green thumb. It's something he shares with his late mom. He's really good with plants.
I AM TAGGING: @agena87, @damseljamsel, @lynzishell, @alinelie (plz plz plz!), @simarcana (Alika or any of your fabulous OCs), @eslanes (love your stuff and saw you have more storytelling coming soon?), and even though @greighish is taking a hiatus, I AM NOT ! This is all optional, do it if you want to, ignore me at your own risk, up to you! ❤️😆
#tag games#the sims 4#this was fun#DARKER#sasha#gideon#gideon is very protective#sasha is a feral kitten#i'm trying not to spoil the story#gideon finds sasha’s mixups beyond endearing#he wants to help sasha because he is very#self-conscious about his limited education#he corrects sasha because he knows he gets embarrassed#when he makes such mistakes with other people#but sasha gets so flustered#and cranky even if he secretly appreciates it#gideon finds him hopelessly adorable#and just wants to smother him with hugs and kisses
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Devin's Dude Ranch: Episode Nine
*the episode opens with a shot of Echo Valley Ranch. It's early-mid morning and the birds are singing.*
Devin, in diary room (with a lot of energy): "Today's the day of our second challenge and I can't wait to see how the guys do! Can you tell I'm really excited about this one!?"
*the next shot opens with Devin standing in front of a stage area set-up in her backyard. the contestants are lined up in front of her.*
Devin: "Hi guys! Good morning. Welcome to our second challenge. I hope you guys are ready to give this one all you've got because frankly, I've really been looking forward to today."
Devin (continues): "I can see it on your faces: 'Devin, what the heck are we doing?'. Well, fellas. Today, you'll be putting on a talent show!"
*the contestants murmur among themselves*
Devin (continues): "I know you've all got special talents and I want to see them today. Whoever impresses me the most will win a solo date. Are you guys ready?"
*the contestants cheer in reply*
Devin: "That's what I want to hear! Alright, Houston. You're up first!"
*the next shot shows Houston sitting down at a grand piano, he begins playing Moonlight Sonata*
*Devin can be seen in the background with a smile slowly spreading across her face*
*Houston's playing is beautiful, though he does trip over a few notes here and there. he grimaces when he does but pushes through and finishes the piece.*
*when Houston finishes he stands, receives his applause and waits to hear from Devin*
Devin: "Wow. That was truly beautiful, Houston. You continue to impress me. Thank you."
*Houston places his hand over his heart, mouths 'thank you' to Devin then returns to his seat with a smile on his face.*
Stan, in diary room: "Hot damn. Is there anything that boy can't do? I mean, it wasn't perfect, but it was sure a hell of a lot better than I coulda done. I might be in trouble for this date."
*the next shot shows Albert on stage. he has a microphone in his hand and is performing a comedy routine.*
Albert: "I went and visited my parents recently. My parents have a real, real, real fat cat. It’s real fat. People point it out, you know? They walk in; They’re like, 'Man, that cat’s fat.' And it feels rude, you know, like, 'He doesn’t speak Simlish, but we do, so maybe don’t say that.' And they’re just… you know, they’re like, 'What are y’all feeding this cat?'"
Albert (continues): "You’re like, 'Whatever you feed a cat, dude. Like normal cat food stuff. We pour a bowl. Like, if he eats eight birds outside, he doesn’t tell us.' You know, he’s not like, 'Oh, I ate out tonight. I’m good.' And then they’re like, 'Well, y’all should do something.' You’re like, 'What do you think we’re not doing? Do you think he has a gym membership and we don’t drive him to the gym?' He’s a cat. That’s his gym membership, he’s a cat. I watched him jump from the ground on top of the refrigerator. That’s like if I jumped on top of a school bus from the ground. Like, if I… if I did that, you’re not gonna be like, 'Well, you still could lose a little bit, you know.' Just keep doing what you’re doing."*
*Devin & the contestants can be heard howling with laughter*
*comedy bit originally by Nate Bargatze - because I'm too high and tired to try to write actual comedy.
*when his bit is complete, Albert puts the microphone back and waits to hear from Devin*
*Devin wipes her eyes and composes herself*
Devin: "That is...*bleep*ing hilarious, Albert. Do your parents really have a fat cat?"
*Albert nods*
Albert: "Oh yeah. His name is Reggie."
Devin: "Well, I love Reggie. And thank you so much for making me laugh so hard my face hurts. I didn't know you were such a comedian, but now that I do, that's a plus in your column, cowboy."
*Albert runs over to Devin and kisses her hand before hustling back to his seat*
Houston, in diary room: "I hate to admit it, but Albert's bit was actually really funny. Now I'm worried. I really want this date with Devin."
*The next scene opens with Stan at the microphone. he's backed up by music playing through the stereo behind him and he's singing Cheeseburger in Paradise.*
*Devin looks on, half impressed by the quality of Stan's singing voice and half amused by his choice of song.*
Stan (singing):
"I like mine with lettuce and tomato Heinz 57 and french fried potatoes Big kosher pickle and a cold draft beer Well, good God almighty which way do I steer For my
Cheeseburger in paradise Making the best of every virtue and vice Worth every damn bit of sacrifice To get a cheeseburger in paradise Get me a cheeseburger in paradise I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise"
*the music comes to an end, and Stan squares himself in front of Devin, clearly proud of his performance*
Devin: "Stan! That was both entertaining and impressive. I didn't know you could sing that like! And somehow that song choice is 100% you. I loved it. Thank you so much."
*Stan nods to Devin, thanks her and returns to his seat, wiping the sweat from his forehead*
Handra, in diary room: "Stan was living his best life up there. He was being true to himself and I loved that for him. Way to go, buddy!"
*the next scene opens with Handra front and center. He's playing Hotel California on guitar.*
*Devin leans forward in her seat and watches Handra play intently*
*Handra plays perfectly, making each note of the song come alive as he strums the resonator guitar.*
*when the song is over, he sets the guitar down and looks to Devin*
*Devin takes a deep breath*
Devin: "Handra. Wow. That was incredible and so...moving. Thank you so much for sharing your talent with us. I had no idea you were musically talented. I'm very, very impressed."
*Handra beams at her, mouths 'thank you' before blowing her kiss and returning to his seat*
Albert, in diary room: "My boy Handra can play, holy *bleep*. I'm in trouble for this date. Man!"
Devin: "Guys, that was every bit as amazing as I hoped it would be. Thank you so much for showing me your talents. I am so impressed by all of you. Truly."
Devin (continues): "This was a really, really hard decision. But, at the end, I had to go with the person who surprised me the most with their talent."
Devin (continues): "And that person, is..."
Devin (continues): "Albert!"
*Albert stands up and looks utterly shocked*
*Winner picked by random name picker.
*he meets Devin at the front and the two share a quick hug*
Devin: "Congrats, funny guy."
*Albert grins and returns to his seat*
Devin: "Again, guys, thank you so much for today. I really had a good time and hope you did too. And don't forget - there are still plenty of chances to win solo dates with me."
Albert, in diary room: "I won. I'm going on a solo date with my girl. I can't believe it. And Mom told me I'd never get anywhere being funny. I guess I owe Reggie some catnip or something..."
Devin, in diary room: "I can't believe the talents these guys have been holding out on me. I mean, how amazing was today!? And I'm really, really looking forward to my date with Albert. I can't wait to spend more time with him and see if there's more between us than surface level stuff."
Houston submitted by @invisiblequeen Albert submitted by @bakersimmer James "Stan" submitted by @natolesims Handra submitted by @bloomingkyras
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