#IT'S A JOKE IT'S A JOKE THIS THING ISN'T PART COYOTE

[odddogs]

"This is Courtland. They claim she's a blue heeler/Aussie mix, but I have my doubts.

She's available for adoption in Mont Alto, PA "

allow me to validate your doubts

that hand that's cropped out?

chuck testa

[missmarveledsblog]

FLUMPY part 11 ( jake seresin x reader)

summary : with roo , nat and jake gone the remainder of the dagger squad take it as their mission to make sure that the pregnant girlfriend and their friend is taken care of while she is racing to tell her dad before someone else is going to let it slip , dealing with life without jake being by her side isn't as fun and she is counting down the days til he and her favorite people return .

warning: other than my spelling and grammatical error this is a mostly fluffy goofy chapter with the mentions of pregnancy and all the good stuff that comes with it . the men of the dagger squad being big brother goals ,some mentions of an encounter with a shitty human who tries to hurt a dog.

(previous part)

She sat sitting in the car not actually knowing what it was that had her crying . was it the hormones , the fact jake was gone for three months or fact he didn’t dump her there and then . she didn’t know how long it was she was there but the crowds were long gone some even stopped to see was she ok that was til she heard a tapping on her window only to see bob standing there holding container in one hand and smile on his face . 

“ hey what you doing here” she sniffled trying not to look like an absolute mess .

“ nat sent me told me you needed this and probably a hug” he stood shyly only for her to start crying even more. “ shit you want me to bring you good duck park rooster and hangman said that cheers you up” he offered quickly only for her to cry harder. 

“ they know me to well” she sobbed as he pulled her into a hug  knowing or thinking he knew why she was crying . 

“ we can just go home or hard deck i’ll even do a shot with you” he smiled. 

“ i’ll go the hard deck but i can’t drink “ she winced.  “ kinda erm pregnant which with how loud jake yelled it  well i need to see my dad quickly “ knowing some of the men where actually worse with the how lose their lips could be . sure national  and classified secret hold til the grave but moment it came to things of normal like well they turned into a sewing circle. 

“ congratulations really” he smiled widely . 

“ ugh your so cute” she sniffled wiping her nose .  

“ come on leave you care we can come back for it later or i’ll leave mine either way your in no shape to drive”  bob help her out of the car she instantly notice how his touch got softer almost like any pressure would break her making her roll her eyes but hug the WSO  hard . 

The moment she walked into the hard deck all eyes were on her , giving bob a nod she headed over to her dad who sat talking away to penny til his eyes landed on her . 

“ well didn’t think i would see you in this place for nine months” he crossed his arms . 

“ worse then high schoolers” she turned to the officers standing around promptly turning their attention to anything else under her heated gaze .  “ i was going to tell you properly but jake well yelled so loud honestly  surprise you didn’t hear him from your place” she joked smiling awkwardly. 

“ pay up “ penny smirked. 

“ can you two stop betting on my life please it’s a bit odd but also go penny” she rolled her eyes hugging her dad. 

“  i would of rather heard it from you but the free drinks helped “ he chuckled. 

“ hey i want free stuff not alcohol if wanna be generous nacho’s would be awesome” she yelled out . 

“ so i guess jake happy” penny laughed hugging her. 

“ yeah i was so nervous then the whole dock found out got lots of hugs from strangers” she nodded . 

“ well heres a free cola on me  and looks like the guys are waiting for you” penny smiled nodding her head over to the little small group of the dagger squad. 

“ we come over tomorrow anyways go kiddo enjoy” pete kissed her head. 

“ yeah coyote looks more lost without jake than i do “ she teased making  her way through the crowd nodding at the congratulation til she got to the usual spot only for javy to lift her off the ground with a hug  almost spilling her drink but like a knight in shining armour bob took it from her hand put on table . 

“ our baby is having a baby “ he cheered . 

“ excuse me “ she laughed , 

“Oh we decided a while back you were our little sister so not up to you “ fanboy shrugged. 

“ i’ve no say in this?” she asked . 

“ nah .. plus one of us already called mav dad before” payback snickered. 

“ that was once and it was slip of the tongue” bob grumbled. 

“ we even cleared it with rooster” coyote winked  as she hugged the others . 

“ well i’m glad you got his approval “ she rolled her eyes taking her seat. 

“ so as your new found big brothers and future uncle to the baby seresin / mitchell that is growing inside of that tummy of your we are here at your beck and call so even if heartburn or some shit  in the middle of night you gotta call us “ payback informed her honestly it felt like she was being scolded like a naughty child. 

“ even if it’s for ice cream” fanboy added only for penny to bring over a container filled with nacho in front of her. 

“ courtesy of yale” she snorted. 

“Hey thank yale” she yelled mouth watering at the food before her only for more food items to be brought throughout her time in the hard deck that night some by the people that got them or to the point penny sent the delivery man or woman directly to y/n . each time she yell out the thanks to the name on the receipt . 

By the time she and bob got his car and she head home she’d enough  containers to feed  her for the week or least first couple of days .

Jake honestly was  up and down from one moments of being happy then being scared shitless within the space of few hours he was going through a series of emotions.  It  honestly  gave nat and bradley whiplash trying to keep up with him .  one hand he was so excited for  the chapter of his life , he was older almost into his forties so the fact he was going to start a family well it was everything . then it was fact he was actually going to be a father what if he was shit at it or his kid resented him for being in the navy or  what if something left him inured or worse kill in action . then he was afraid of not being there for his girl the fact she was going through three months alone without  him  being at her side. What if something happened and he couldn’t be there for her . now he was sat with phoenix and rooster since honestly the two need to get him to chill out or else get him sedated . 

“She not going to be alone the guys will be there and her dad” nat said softer than the usual tone she would take with hangman of all people. “ plus you and bradshaws got like weird spidey sense sort of thing with her so if you even for a second felt something was off you would … we all would honestly swim back to san diego” .  

“ she is right we knew she was off after that sea food platter and when she gets her period which now isn’t a problem because she can’t have either of those while pregnant” rooster smirked .  

“ he’s got a point” nat laughed, 

“ i’m going to miss three month of her pregnancy of my first child “ he finally said  looking down to his hands . 

“ barely anything happens in first three months” nat tried to play it off. 

“ scan says she 10 weeks so she be what six months when i get back”  he scoffed . 

“ well once your there for the birth meeting your first child , thats the main show my friend plus way you two go at it you’’ll get to experience it again” roo wince considering he caught them in considerably a few compromising times . 

“ honestly i’m surprised she wasn’t pregnant sooner” nat nodded along . 

“ yeah not helping , i just wished it was different i mean what if something was to happen to me “ he asked the two . 

“ i think coyote called dibs on y/ns” rooster said easily. 

“ so did bob” nat nodded along .

“ again not helping” he deadpanned. “ i don’t want my kid to grow up or my girl to be heartbroken trying to explaining   why daddy ain’t around i mean it hard thing to go through” . 

“ here as the only orphan of the group yes it hard  but i turned out fine my mom made life the best even if she was dealing with a broken heart , plus trauma make you funnier why you think me and pretty girl are so hilarious “ bradley winked. 

“ she does say she half way to being batman only Mav in her way” nat chuckled. 

“ look bagman sadly your a good guy and well we do unpredictable shit but your are going to be one of those fuckers that dies like ripe old age shitting in his diaper” bradley patted his back . 

“ i say this with love but don’t comfort people outside of our group but also thanks it weirdly helped “ jake said slightly surprise how it help just now he was counting down the moment he would get to see her . 

Waking up to a half empty bed was something she was never going to get over it . it had  been two weeks since they were gone and still felt like it was going to be forever before they got home . like it was perfect time every symptom decided to come at once leaving her napping during her lunch break or her head in the toilet . since word spread quickly of her pregnancy everyone was almost babying her making her want to honest bite them or something . admiral simpson also got a recruit one who was studying engineering to “Intern for her” which was his way making sure she wasn’t doing anything too strenuous but did mean she had to guide the dude through literally everything.  Luke wasn’t a bad kid and well poor fucker got confused more times then he should of plus calling him kid was a bit much given he was only a couple years closer . she notice kyle and coyote instantly being there too if she so much as looked at something they deemed too heavy. But true to their words one night she rang them crying because well she felt lonely and they all came and watched movie even camped out in the living room like it was a sleep over . whenever she mention of craving something well they would come back later with said thing .  bob even  got her new overalls when the little bump that started to protrude  out took her til she went home to realise what he done  , it wasn’t big by any means but still clothes where starting to get a bit tight . even mama seresin and jakes sisters sent some maternity clothes  down for her to wear and she had to give it to them they found cool stuff . she never wore the pj’s though because at night she would take one of jakes T-shirts wear them to bed was closest thing to having him there .  even during the week the guys including the newbie kyle brought her to the good duck part even making friends with the senior citizens that were there .  she was never so lucky in life as she was now to have the friends she did   when it came down to it moving to san diego and starting fresh was the best thing she ever done. 

Walking with the guys , shopping for stuff to send the guys that weren’t there care package she needed to rest when they spot some sport store honestly she zoned out half way telling them she wanted to rest on bed to knock themselves out . 

“ stupid mutt” was all she heard pulling her attention to a man yelling down at a terrified dog .  instantly she was protective mode hauling her ass off the bench no longer tired .  “ waste of money stupid thing” he spat going to kick the already shivering and cowering dog. 

“ hey asshole” she snapped pushing him away . 

“ mind your business lady nothing to do with you” he growled. 

“ i’m making it my business what fuck is wrong with you kicking a defenseless dog” she spat not noticing that fanboy was already rounding them up the moment he spot her walking off from the bench. 

“ again none of your fucking business chubs now fuck off what i do with my dog is my business”. 

“ and i told you dickless .. can i call you that because you’d have to be a dickless asshole to hurt an animal what pisses me off is if this little guy defended himself he would be branded a monster ,  don’t mind the dickless man you poor little baby “ she cooed down at the dog instantly cowering behind her. “ what if i hit you huh cut you down to size and chubs really dude you look more pregnant that i do “ she scoffed. 

“ listen lady keep you mouth shut or i’ll… “  he started. 

“ or you what , i hope you aint talking to our sister like that pal” coyote stood making himself bigger as the rest followed. 

“ because she can’t hit you in her condition “ fanboy added. 

“ but we can” bob spoke completely different honestly she was a little impressed . 

“ what like i’m afraid of you” the man said yet his face gave it away instantly. 

“ you should be “ payback stood in front of her. 

“ you know what you care so much about the bag of flea take it ain’t worth it” the man rushed off as they walked him til he drove off only to hear her giggling and laughing . 

“ he likes me” she beamed up at them . 

“ please let us be there when you tell jake” fanboy snorted.

“ he’ll get over it , day got better free dog and awesome cool bodyguards … sorry brothers now lets go get this little peanut some new things “ she smiled happily. 

 “ she’s gonna be the death of us “ kyle sighed and they all agreed. 

“ it doesn’t actually have flea’s right we took my car here” bob gulped.

Lucky for bob peanut did not in fact have  fleas but he was skin and bone . peanut was only seven months old pitbull and nothing to him  , she brought him everywhere even to the hard deck letting sit with her and the guys although he was nervous at first when it got busy but soon got use to it even  only place she couldn’t bring him was work and  so she brought him to a doggy day care one of the officers recommended one night at hard deck . two weeks was all it took for the pooch to get use to the new dynamic given it was probably the most attention he’s gotten in his life . now she was sitting on her sofa patiently ( for her ) for jake to call he let her know he had a slot for facetime coming up and she was looking forward to it  almost counting the seconds til she could  finally see him . 

“ now we gotta do this smart ok” she said to the dog currently sitting at her feet only for the phone to ring out and her to rush at it almost dropping it  as she hit the answer button . 

“ hey baby” god even his voice made her insides melt. 

“ jake i missed you so much “ she almost cried she was so happy to finally see and hear him . 

“ i missed you too hows baby” he asked nervously. 

“Growing and currently kicking my ass i mean of course they would given they’re half you , look ” she giggled holding the sonograms up . “ i sent some in care package so you’ll get to see it for yourself  i asked them kept gender surprise til your home so we will get to see it together “ she cooed. 

“ darling …. Tell me something and tell me truth” he asked his eyes coming closer. 

“ anything ask away “ she smiled sweetly. 

“ why is there a dog sitting beside you “ he asked wondering if weeks at sea was making him see things only for her to see peanut was in fact sitting beside her . 

“ well long story short , we were shopping for the care packages and well the guys went to soon store while i wanted to chill out on bench this douche was kicking him and then he called me chubby like dude looked like he was carrying quads anyways after fat shaming and threats boom free dog isn’t he a cutie” she cooed. 

“ darling don’t those eat babies” he whispered . 

“ oh my god your like the shelters … jake seresin are you dog racist” she gasped .

“ dog racist?”. 

“ these dogs are sweethearts it media and dumb ass idiots that make them like monster but peanut is a sweetheart better then the chihuahua in his daycare i think that dog hates me” she winced.

“ dog daycare darling how long is he there?” he chuckled.

“ oh like two weeks , we watch golden girls with miss wilson too  she knitted him a  little cardigan he’s still skinny as hell but he’s coming along greatly” she smiled softly kissing the dogs head. 

“Well i guess i can’t wait to meet him and tell rooster we have a dog now,” he chuckled 

The two chatted trying to fit in everything in the limited amount of time before he had to say goodbye only now peanut was added in to which confused the hell why the phone was talking to him but still wagged his little tail . when the call did end he got up in her lap and licked away the tears that fell down her cheek. 

“thank fuck you're here” she smiled sadly hugging him closely to her.  Only two more months to go before jake was home . 

part 12

taglist : @harrysgothicbitch @djs8891 @darksparklesficrecs @emma8895eb5eb @sarah-bear706318

[shivunin]

Three-Song Playlists

Rules: Compile three-song playlists for as many OCs as you can/would like to

Thank you for the tag @greypetrel! Like you, I am linking the full playlist in case anyone would like to listen to them c: The songs are in no particular order.

Tagging @star--nymph @zenstrike @daggerbean @ndostairlyrium @dungeons-and-dragon-age @inquisimer @idolsgf @dreadfutures @bitchesofostwick @vakarians-babe @jtownnn @nightwardenminthara @brother-genitivi and anyone who loves music (Please recommend music to me!! I love hearing new songs!!)

Arianwen Tabris (🗡️)

I Spit On Your Grave by ZAND (Spit your blood into my cup and then I'll gulp you down)

Trigger Finger by Coyote Kid (Bloodstains on a kitchen knife/ it wasn't made for this, but I know how to improvise)

Praying Mantis by Jazz Alonso (If I show my teeth, I must be hungry/ in you go, baby)

Maria Hawke (✨)

Nobody Wants to Be Alone by Christian Reindl, Atrel (When you strain your eyes to see the light, I won't be far behind/ Cause it's better in the dark when you're a friend of mine)

Champion by Fall Out Boy (I'm just young enough to still believe, but young enough not to know what to believe in)

Gracias a la Vida by Mercedes Sosa (Me ha dado la risa y me ha dado el llanto/ Así yo distingo dicha de quebranto/ Los dos materiales que forman mi canto)

Emmaera Lavellan (✉️)

Every Other Love Song by MALINDA (So good at explaining/ at finding the right words/ but when I look at you, I fail)

No Choir by Florence + the Machine (If tomorrow it's all over/ at least we had it for a moment/ Oh, darling, things seem so unstable/ but for a moment we were able to be still)

Comfort by Deb Talan (If you can't remember a better time/ you can have mine)

Elowen Lavellan (🌱)

Overture III/Awake by Sleeping at Last (Today, I'll survive/ tomorrow, make sense of my life)

Soap by The Oh Hellos (I don't know I've seen a thing grow/ without an open coat/ not without a softness showing)

Queen of Nothing by The Crane Wives (Isn't this what you wanted? Time sure feels like it's running out/ Just finish what you started/ Queen of nothing, wearing such a heavy crown)

Salshira Lavellan (🍂)

punchline by KiNG MALA (I'm having a great time/being the punchline to my own joke)

Dutch by Dessa (Love is like liquor/ it burns when it moves you/ Far as I figure/ there's nobody fireproof)

Mean It by K.Flay (So when I say I love you, I want to mean it/ Cause I say a lot of things that I don't mean)

Tavitha (Tav) (🌤️)

Can't Cheat Death by The Ballroom Thieves (There are two things I know for sure: I will be free, I will be free, I will be free/ and you can't cheat death)

Greener by Anju, Uliya (You reached inside and took the parts you wanted out/ maybe you forgot/ you can take what I have, but I grow something better back)

Dancing Plague of 1518 by mollyofgeography(Make room to hold a want that's weighted/shapeshift to sate it/ 'til my head knows my heart betrayed it)

Jesse Shepard (☄️)

Machine Heart by Icarus (You've been looking for some kind of savior/ you created me and turned me into you/ to make me last a lifetime)

Glitter & Gold by Barns Courtney (Do you walk in the shadow of men who sold their lives to a dream? Do you ponder the manner of things in the dark?)

Rusty Cage by Johnny Cash (You wired me awake and hit me with a hand of broken nails...but I'm gonna break my rusty cage and run)

[dicenote]

I really want to know what song you would pick for Ide :> (or if that's possible for the Matsuda/Ide ship)

And maybe for Namikawa too. He’s quite an interesting character!

Of course, and thanks for the ask! I'll admit I had a lot of trouble with picking stuff out, but I'm pretty happy with the songs I found. I've got one for Ide, one for MatsuIde, and one for Namikawa.

Ide: "Hiding" by Modern Baseball

Ide's difficult! He seems like such a simple guy, I'd bet he wouldn't even listen to music all that often, lol XD I wanted to find something that reflected his more reserved personality but also nodded to his complicated feelings about the Kira case. This song is quiet and kinda comforting in some places, but loud (and almost violent) in others.

Overall, it feels like "Hiding" is a song about the past, about happy memories that are long behind you. And for Ide, who spends a good chunk of the plot unsure about what's going to happen next, it feels fitting, in a weird way.

Some of the lyrics that I think fit him the best from this are:

"Entertain the cancer, we all answer upwards either way The waiting game is tied again. Backs of hands and phrases, misplaced gazes Things we still deny to selves and hesitate to talk about"

Those second 2 lines could definitely be interpreted in a more shippy context, but I like the "things we still deny" line referring to Kira's identity. Ide's stance on things is... kinda weird, isn't it? Like, he seems to hope that Light isn't Kira, but also he kinda sees it coming in the end. I dunno, he's such an interesting guy.

MatsuIde: "This Side of Paradise" by Coyote Theory

I was originally gonna look for something much angsty-er, but this one works just fine. Yes, it sounds kinda sad, but also happy at the same time? Something about it just screams MatsuIde to me.

I think part of it is the fact that the Task Force after the time skip (and particularly after Soichiro's death) is... kinda tragic. Like, we as the audience know that nothing they do is going to matter as far as finding Kira goes, but they still keep ongoing anyways. And since they're spending so much time on the case, they all pretty much isolate themselves from the rest of the world, especially Matsuda and Ide.

I can't remember who it was (I think @/tinycrescent?) but someone had the headcanon that Matsuda was, despite how social and bubbly he appears, a lonely person when it comes down to it. Honestly, I can see it- especially after Light is revealed to be Kira all along. He'd probably have a hard time trusting people after all that, with a few exceptions. And Ide is definitely one of those exceptions.

Ide doesn't seem like a social person to begin with, but I think Matsuda joking around with him gets him out of his shell a little bit. I think that the two of them get to be more comfortable around each other, like it "feels right" to exist together, if that makes sense.

"If you're lonely, come be lonely with me"

Namikawa: "Machine" by Regina Spektor

Gahh I really wish I knew Namikawa better, or this would've been easier 😅

(I was originally gonna go with "One-Winged Angel" from Final Fantasy 7, since Sephiroth was my little bro's nickname for Namikawa. But I figured that Namikawa deserved something a little better. So I went with "Machine".)

I picked this one because of the instrumentals. Namikawa strikes me as a methodical, intellectual kind of guy, and the piano in this song makes me think of that. At the same time, the pounding drums give off the impression that there's a lot going on beneath the surface, something darker that needs to be explored. This instrumental version sounds like something that would play when he's onscreen to me.

As for the lyrics... eh. They kind of fit him? Maybe if you squint. I dunno if it's accurate to say that Namikawa is "hooked into [a] machine", but there is something that's just a touch messed up about the whole Yotsuba thing. Like, the group is stuck cooperating with Kira during these meetings, no matter what- if they leave or disagree with Kira too much, they risk dying. It's kind of like they're stuck going along with Kira, not that Namikawa minds. As long as he stays on top, which he will.

[alanshee-keeper-of-realms]

What is your opinion about other animation studios such as DreamWorks Animation, Blue Sky Studios, Illumination, Sony Animation, among others?

I think they're all practically on the same level of Disney they all have their merits they have their downsides like Illumination being the reason the Minions exist but I mean *points to Mickey Mouse* practically the same situation,

DreamWorks is great if you want a Down to Earth film with plenty of laughter. I mean, they literally handled Death as a character recently in Puss in Boots,

Also great meme moments many great meme moments have come from the studio and we forever thank them for that,

Illumination is great if you just want to get your mind off of things yes I actually enjoyed how stupid the minions are didn't care for all the fart jokes but you know what the little guys won me over with their humor and just being silly it's great if you're just trying to get your mind off of things and relax.

Sony is the up and coming Disney. I say Disney about a hundred years ago, Sony, we need to be paying attention to because they are the ones challenging Disney Warner Bros has completely dropped out of the challenging Disney game have we seen the fumble that was Coyote versus Acme that has now turned into Coyote versus Warner

Warner Bros I will bring up a little bit but they have practically dropped out of the game I'm surprised Bugs Bunny isn't wearing Mickey Mouse ears by now especially with them ending up blacklisted by half of Hollywood after their little stunt no I'm not joking after they tried canceling coyote versus Acme they had over 500 people reportedly calling and canceling right left and Center and Warner Bros is still doing damage control

However I will say I used to as a kid love the Looney Tunes films that they produced Space Jam back in Action which I still claim that is a baffy Reconciliation film there was no need for bugs to sound so affectionate at times with Daffy and Daffy also practically having husband energy throughout it the card trick situation with Elmer Fudd really shows how in tune these guys are with one another.

Even kid me was saying those two were married.

They have produced the Mario movie The Spiderverse movies they are the ones handling the Legend of Zelda. Sony is becoming a Powerhouse in themselves. They are what we think Disney should be right now, they are probably the reason why Disney has not completely slipped into being fully lazy.

Blue Sky rest in peace you must not know that they actually got shut down and is now part of Disney I have had fun with the Rio characters mixing with Jose Panchito and Donald because of this and yes I have made a few jokes about the Ice Age characters wreaking havoc in Disneyland. I loved Blue Sky they had their own uniqueness experimentation definitely but they made some very memorable films from Robots to Rio to Ice Age they were incredible themselves.

One that you didn't mention that I quite enjoy even though they are not an American studio is Studio Ghibli gorgeous stunning animation every single time waiting for their films is like waiting for a good meal you already know the chef you know the people serving it you know it's going to taste damn good and it hits almost always the only time they fumbled was when they handed it to miyazaki's son and he tried to pull the whole CG bullshit with it which completely floundered Earwig and the witch

But the rest of their films have been nothing but hard Heavy Hitters if you want films that will make you freaking think go sit down and watch a Studio Ghibli film there is one of theirs that I can never watch again and that is grave of the fireflies if you want to know how it was in Japan during the war Miyazaki and his crew tackled that hard topic and it does not end in a fairy tale ending it is hard it gets you crying but it also opens up your eyes

Each of these Studios that I mentioned have their merits. I love each and every one of them for either their quirkiness or just imagination, just like Disney.

[kevinsreviewcatalogue]

Review: Never Hike Alone: The Ghost Cut (2020)

Never Hike Alone: The Ghost Cut (2020)

Not rated

<Originally posted at https://kevinsreviewcatalogue.blogspot.com/2023/10/review-never-hike-alone-ghost-cut-2020.html>

Score: 4 out of 5

If you've read my, or anybody else's, reviews of the Friday the 13th series, you'd know that it has a very spotty track record. The first movie is hardly most people's pick for the best in the series, the fact that there were more than twice as many films after the one titled The Final Chapter than before it has made the series the butt of jokes about horror franchises that get run into the ground, and nearly half the movies in this series range from just mediocre to borderline unwatchable. In short, it's an iconic slasher series where it wouldn't take much to make a movie that's around the middle of the pack quality-wise where its installments are concerned. And given the long legal battle that plagued this series for much of the 2010s, leave it to the fans to make just such a film. Never Hike Alone: The Ghost Cut is an anthology-style compilation of three Friday fan films by Womp Stomp Films that together range from pretty good to one of the most inspired things ever done with the idea of a big guy in a hockey mask hacking people up with a machete. It's a labor of love that (being a non-commercial fan film) is free to watch online, and which I highly recommend doing.

The film starts with a music video called "Disappear", a darkly humorous opening where Jason Voorhees hacks up three teenagers who ventured into the ruins of Camp Crystal Lake to drink and screw, all soundtracked by the titular acoustic guitar song by Trevor Vaughan. It sets the mood very nicely, playing right into our expectations of what a Friday movie is and delivering exactly that, while also examining just what Jason might be like in his "downtime" when he's not hacking people to bits. The second segment, Never Hike in the Snow, started out strong by showing Jason in an environment that's new to him: the winter, chasing and killing a young man named Mark Hill through the snowy woods. It starts off strong with a great buildup to a great kill, though as it went on it became the weakest segment in the film by my estimation, turning increasingly disjointed with plots about the sheriff Rick Cologne (a returning character from Jason Lives played by the same actor, Vincent Guastaferro) comforting the victim's mother, the same sheriff having to deal with Tommy Jarvis (again, returning from Jason Lives with Thom Mathews reprising his role) as news of the murder causes him to come out of the woodwork suspecting that Jason is back, and a scene of a hapless deputy going into the woods searching for clues as to Mark's murder. Each scene was exceptionally well-shot even by the standards of a professionally produced film, let alone a fan flick, but while there were interesting ideas, especially in the scene with the mother, it didn't come together particularly well.

Fortunately, the film spent the next hour with its best part by far, its titular centerpiece originally filmed and released in 2017 and later included with the other two segments as the "Ghost Cut". This is mostly a one-man show in which a hiking influencer named Kyle McLeod ventures into the trails of the Wessex County forest, stumbles upon Camp Crystal Lake, and must fight for survival against Jason. Much of the first half is a slow burn as Kyle ventures deeper and deeper into Jason's turf, with growing clues that something isn't right, from the coyotes wailing in the distance one night to the "No Trespassing" sign he encounters to various signs of the carnage past at the long-abandoned camp. It's an effective buildup that's paid off wonderfully when Jason himself shows up to kick ass and take names. He's played here by the film's director Vincente DeSanti, and watching him, I felt something I had only rarely felt in the past watching the Friday films: genuinely afraid of Jason. All too often, Jason gets portrayed as a crowd-pleasing mascot who the film not-so-secretly sides with as he takes out the trash, rendering him less a monster than a roguish anti-hero of sorts. Not here. This movie portrays him as a mean, brutish, no-nonsense, and surprisingly cunning villain who could probably kill you with his bare hands, let alone his machete, and who you absolutely do not want to mess around with. It helped that Drew Leighty as Kyle was a guy who I could easily root for. He may be a YouTuber, but the film avoids making him an obnoxious caricature for the sake of it, with scenes of him grumbling about the spon-con deal he's doing with the company that made the collapsible shovel he's carrying. And when push comes to shove towards the end, he turns into a real-deal survivor who feels like a genuine match for Jason. I wanted to see this guy live and prevail, which was more than I could say for a lot of the people who've crossed paths with Jason, and that fact made me fear what Jason was trying to do to him that much more.

The Bottom Line

It's rare for a fan film to be this good, but Never Hike Alone: The Ghost Cut manages to be not only better than a lot of the actual Friday the 13th films, but a damn good horror movie in its own right. Even if you're not a Friday fan, I still recommend giving this one a look, especially since it's free and easily accessible.

[banditcoyote]

Coyote's ears flicked for a moment, not entirely sure what she was talking about. Then realization seemed to dawn on him and the same serious air seemed to fall upon him as well. "What?" he said "Really?" he seemed to think about this as she confirmed and then he took a deep breath. "Jesus Sasuga..." he exhaled, looking somewhat shocked and dismayed with that information.

"Oh." Coyote said, blushing somewhat, feeling now unsure if it was okay that he seemed to like Raphael more than Sasuga seemed to, interpreting her hesitation in her tone to be more about his own feelings than hers. "He saw enough of you last night." Coyote said with a little joke of his own. "I think anyone who doesn't fall in love with you is crazy, to me it only makes sense. You're beautiful, and fun, and you have so much love and tenderness to give, if we didn't have responsibilities or you know, the need to eat I think I would just spend all day in bed with you, if not making love to you than just taking turns holding each other and petting our hair. I feel complete when I'm with you." he said sincerely.

He froze just a bit as she went on. "Oh, see thats just it...thats what I need to clear up with you." his voice was soft and his body language had changed, his ears dipped to the sides and his tail nearly tucked between his legs. "Sasuga, I did love Frick, I loved who he was, and I love what we had together. When we were on the boat I got swept up in that, like a wave, but he's a fucking riptide.....he's not who he was, and I'm not who I was...I got pulled under so fast, and thats not...thats nothing I want anymore. Everything I want is right here in my arms." he gave her a little squeeze. "I feel so guilty that you thought for even a second I was better off without you, that somehow I belonged with him. I feel so fucking stupid that for a second I thought somehow it could work with the three of us. That I let him do what he did to me, that I fell so easily into an old habit that was so bad to me. Frick is rotten....he's gone completely rotten. Whatever I had with him before isn't something I could ever have again with him, and frankly even if it was, what I have with you is so much better. But I can't deny that he was a part of me for a while, and I have to mourn that, I never let myself fully let go of it. I left and buried that and hid from it, and seeing him opened all those old wounds, and it's left me so raw. I can't just cover it up again, I need to let it heal, and I need you to help me because you're my soulmate. I know it's hard for you, and it's hard for me too, but thats why we need to talk about it. Because I want to move on, and if we just ignore it, it's just going to fester. I need you to help me heal from Frick and mourn what I had with him, what I had with him thirty years ago, not months ago. What I had with him months ago was...a microcosm. It was our thirty year relationship sped up into a matter of days, and a drug fueled spiral. It ripped me open, and I thank god you are still here with me, because you're the only thing that saved me from that. I mean that.....You're the only thing still saving me from that." he sighed. "It's going to take time, but I need us to be able to freely talk about it, to understand that it was bad, but not our fault, we were kidnapped for fucks sake.....but we're not going to be able to avoid it. We bought a house on the ocean, I want us to get a boat, I want to wear my hair long with you, because your fingers combing through it all makes me feel adored, I want to play pirate with you again sometimes, not because I ache for Frick or what that life was, but because it's fun, and we look great together like that, and all the romantic appeal still exists between us, because we're us" he nodded. "We're Us, and thats all I ever want and need."

Blood and Moonlight

Sasuga woke in what was at first an unfamiliar area but as she blinked fully awake she realized it was their closet that Coyote had decorated for them. She smiled and took a careful kiss from her mate who was still sound asleep next to her. It really had been an amazing night with the family and then with her husband. As she slipped from his arms, she took a moment to look at her reflection in the mirror, her fingers dancing over the fresh marks on her neck and hips. She couldn't have asked for anything more from the night and it was with some reluctance that she dressed. She picked out a pair of warm leggings and a short little skirt to pull over them with some knee high boots and a thick sweater. She slipped from the closet and moved to the bathroom to comb her hair and brush her teeth and get ready for the big day ahead. She gave a stretch and headed downstairs only to find a familiar face waiting for her. "Raphael..." she smiled and moved to greet him with a hug. "I see you are still alive." she smirked. "Want some tea? Coffee?"

@banditcoyote

[ellebakers]

☆ Joke on me | Part one

Javy Machado x reader (O'conner)

Part two.

Summary : During a party where the alcohol is flowing freely, y/n discovers that the last nine months with her boyfriend have been based on a lie.

Warnings : angst, fight, mention of sex, hangman is an ass.

it was a typical friday night, you were getting ready to go out to the hard deck with your boyfriend and his co-workers.

"baby, we're gonna be late." you exclaim as you finish tying your heels.

"yeah, yeah." javy had been acting weird for a few weeks, and tonight he didn't even want to go to the party, claiming he wanted to hang out with you. once prepared, you went down to the living room to take your jacket and your bag then waited for your boyfriend. a few minutes later he arrived. "honey, i don't think that's a good idea, how about we stay here instead ?"

you rolled your eyes. "baby we already missed last week's party. plus it's nat's birthday. we can't miss that." he closed his eyes and nodded, then you left.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

when you arrived, natasha threw herself into your arms, clearly drunk.

"shit y/n i missed you, come have a drink with me."

it was weird that phoenix drank so much when the party had just started, but you decided to ignore it, after all, it was her birthday. the evening continued and, you didn't know if it was you but the atmosphere was weird, javy and jake hadn't spoken to each other since you arrived, except hello. natasha continued to drink more and more, rooster avoided your gaze, just like fanboy, bob and payback, only jake was friendly with you, a little too much for that matter.

"so y/n, you and dear coyote are planning on having kids ?" jake asked you. a silence settled at the table where you were, out of the corner of your eye you saw javy sit up on the chair and clench his jaw.

"huh, maybe it's a bit early to talk about kids."

he waved his index finger up and down looking at you. "that's excellent reasoning, having children is risky, especially when the couple is wobbly."

you frown. "what ? what's that supposed to mean ?"

"what i mean is that in order to have children, the parents must love each other."

"shut up jake." intervened your boyfriend.

"no no, i want to know what he means by that."

javy was biting the inside of his cheek while moving his thigh quickly, your suspicions only grew, he was stressed. that's when you notice that around the table, no one was looking at you, they all had their heads down, all except jake of course.

the blonde's smile grew bigger and bigger, he leaned forward slightly. "so he didn't tell you anything ? "

"hangman stop" growled bradley while keeping his head down.

"why ?" he asked. "she deserves to know, doesn't she javy ? "

the brunette took your hand and stood up while growling "we're leaving."

you pulled your hand out of his grip and turn to the only person who's been honest, even if it's not out of respect for you, but out of cruelty.

"alright, since he doesn't have the balls to tell you. i'll do it" he took a deep breath smiling and started.

"your boyfriend here isn't very honest with you. the night you met, we bet he wouldn't be able to sleep with you. that's why he asked you out to go out, and since you didn't give you to him for the first few weeks, he was banging phoenix here. then he slept with you, we gave him the money, but he continued your relationship and, to be honest, i don't really know why. you must be a good shot."

"i’m going to kill you." javy tried to grab jake, but rooster and payback stopped him in time.

your head was spinning, your brain couldn't take it. the tears were welling up and you didn't try to hold them back, the scene around you was playing in slow motion. it's when you felt a hand on your arm that you came back to reality.

"y/n i’m really sorry." it was phoenix.

you wanted to hit her, yell at her, but you couldn't, your body wasn't responding anymore, the only thing he agreed to do was guide you outside. the cool air hit you but it felt good. your legs wouldn't stop, you kept on walking.

"y/n ! baby please wait."

this time it was javy, he caught up with you pretty quickly and got in front of you to stop you from moving forward. "look, i know i screwed up, i'm really sorry, it's true for the bet, but i really love you, that's why i continued with you. please forgive me."

you couldn't look him in the eye, instead you dodged him and walked away but he grabbed your wrist and fell to his knees crying "y/n please don't leave me. i love you, i love you more than anything."

you closed your eyes to stop crying, and for the second time, you wrenched your wrist from his grasp. javy looked at you leaving, an immense pain invaded him more.

after a few kilometers, you dropped to the ground, exhausted, you took your phone and dialed the number of the only person who could help you, after two rings, he answered.

"hi sis, are you all right ?" lord, how you missed that voice, you were crying on the phone.

"brian…"

he didn't need you to explain the situation to him.

"send me the address, i'm with dom and romane, we'll pick you up."

[pollyna]

Reuben would like to know why, who did this, did they find the whole process funny? He was having such a good day and he would have laughed it off if it wasn't for all the paper he has to fill to correct the callsign on his plane and how not so much time he has to do it. Thirty-two minutes before Cyclone leaves for the day and thirty minutes to actually fill all the informations, on a triple copy. With every single informations to fill the exact spot, without grammar mistakes or else Cyclone is going to ignore the request and sent him out, in three days time, with Reuben Paycheck Fitch on the side of his plane. And seriously, Paycheck?! Back in Annapoils they used to forget and e in his name but never once someone printed Paycheck instead that Payback.

It's 4.55 when Payback, not 'check as he reminds himself, runs into Vice Admiral Cyclone's office and he finds the man isn't there anymore. Oh god no, he never leaves before 4.59 why today of all days he's already gone. He's runied, everyone in the sky will call him Paycheck and they're going to invent stupid jokes, he can already see them, Hangman and Coyote putting money on the best one because that's the type of people they are, and the Navy is never, ever, going to give him another important job and he'll have to switch to commercial and die of fucking bordroom flying big slowly white things with cryin' babies on and he will actually die before he's 50 because he will start eating stupid and really unhealthy food. He's goin-

Lieutenant there's something I can do for you or you're going to spend the next two minutes on the door? the voice comes from his right and Admiral Kazansky is like a vision and Pay swears he never saw a more beautiful human being until that moment. Sir, I was searching for Vice Admiral Cyclone, sir. Someone printed by callsign all wrong and I don't want to fly with something as cheap as Paycheck on my plane, sir.

Admiral Kazansky looks like a minute away to laugh it off but then do you have all the documents right? I will personally see that the mistake is correct before your flight. They never lost their humor, I see.

Who never lost his humor sir? Pay' finds himself asking, a little more relaxed because if Admiral Kazansy had said they're going to fix it it's going to happen. This man is the law around there and no one wants to make him sad or angry or even just slightly unhappy. Back in Miramar, it was in 1989, we had this two pilots with similar callsigns and Maverick had to go around them for weeks before they finally printed the right names on the planes. Captain Mitchell was half a step away to just paint the write one himself.

Pay' can see it happening in front if his eyes, because that's the kind of man Captain Mitchell is, so if in three days they don't solve the problem I can ask Captain Mitchell to do it with a brush and a can of black? Oh, he really said that out loud? Oh man, why can't he shout up sometimes, it was going to so well! He's a little jealous of his 'mates because they all have stories about Admiral Kazansky's help and 'Boy has photos of the man preparing him breakfast but he had to say-

Oh, I would pay to see that happen. But please restrain yourself to actually ask him to do that or by tomorrow I'll have to explain why someone else had to process all this docs for no reason.

Do you think he would? he finds asking, again. Who would do what? new voice asks from behind his back. Admiral you know we're already late and Chip' hates when people aren't where they are supposed to be by the time they are. Chop chop my love, whatever problem Payback has Cyclone can solve it tomorrow morning.

And apparently now even him can be part of that slice of alternative universe 'Boy talked him about, where Captain Mitchell calls Admiral Kazansy my love and frets because they have to go and he's still talking about people being somewhere, caressing his cheek and your stubble is making you very hot, i'll be sad tomorrow morning when you'll have to shave it away and so we'll have to make the best of it, before tomorrow morning. Uh, now Reuben is sure his own cheeks are red because it's all very domestic, he's going trought a little dry spell and the stubble made Admiral Kazansky a little hotter than usual. He finds himself retrieving in the most silently way he can, letting the two men immerse in their world. It's 5.30 and if he hurries he can get home and have enough time to change and see what the rest of group is going to go for the night and maybe share his own story with Iceman, because now he has one!

Two and half days later Reuben finds his callsign fixed on his plane and a little note fro Admiral Kazansky who hopes they did an okay work and invited him and everyone else around for lunch, a week from that day. Apparently people incompetence can have it's use, sometimes.

[bayisdying]

Lucky Penny - Chapter Sixteen

A/N: I'm not super happy with this chapter not gonna lie you guys. The whole thing kinda rambles and I think it's awful but just bear with me. Basically the ending is the only good part but even that isn't what I wanted. Oh well.

"Do I have to go?" Lucky whined.

Ice just smiled at her.

"Oh come on Ice, that's so mean."

"It's one night you can handle it."

She sighed. "Fine."

It was three months after the mission, and now the Navy wanted to throw an awards banquet honoring the Dagger Squad.

For the others it was an excuse to dress up and be recognized. For Lucky? It was a huge night, announcing something so close to her heart. She was more nervous for this speech than flying jets thousands of feet in the air.

As Fanboy zipped up the gorgeous silver, floor length dress she had picked out, he could see the look in her eyes in the mirror.

"Hey cariño. What's got you thinking so hard?"

She turned around to face him, "I'm just thinking about I need this night to be over quickly so I can get you out of this suit." She smiled then responded truthfully. "Ice is making this such a big deal, and he knows how much I don't want to give this damn speech."

"Babe, I've read the speech and you've practiced it so much. It's going to go great. Just imagine the audience naked." He paused. "Okay maybe not Hangman, Coyote, Payback, Bob, or Rooster. Imagine none of them naked."

That made her laugh, then she placed a kiss to his cheek.

"Let's get this over with."

"What a positive outlook Lucky."

"Shut up."

-----

When they entered the hall, she first noticed all the people. Ice had told her it wasn't going to be a huge crowd, clearly he lied to her. Rude.

They found the table reserved for the Daggers, and took their seats. Lucky sat with Fanboy to her left and Coyote to her right. Next to Fanboy was Payback, then Bob, Phoenix, Rooster, and Hangman. She texted her Mom who confirmed she was somewhere in the crowd of people.

"This is quite the party." Coyote says.

"Yeah they went all out for this." Mickey responds for her, she was trying hard not to have a panic attack.

After dinner was served and drinks were had Cyclone took to the stage and got the attention of the whole place.

"First I would like to thank everyone for joining us tonight to honor some of the best pilots the Navy has ever produced."

A round of applause rang out.

"These pilots completed a mission that we thought would be impossible. They proved otherwise. Tonight we honor all of them. I will now turn it over to Admiral Tom Kazansky, callsign Iceman."

Ice got a round of applause even bigger than the first. Lucky barely realized Fanboy had placed a careful hand on her thigh.

"Thank you Admiral Simpson for warming up our crowd here." He joked. "Now I have watched many pilots come through the Top Gun program. Many of which I either personally trained or made an effort to get to know. But these pilots we are honoring tonight represent the best of the best. I feel a tiny bit responsible as I picked them out for this mission, but I played such a small part. I would like to first acknowledge Admiral Beau Simpson, call sign Cyclone for dealing with this crazy group. Next is Rear Admiral Solomon Bates, callsign Warlock for keeping Cyclone from jumping off the ledge. To Captain Pete Mitchell, callsign Maverick for training these pilots the parameters of the mission and showing them that anything is possible. And lastly to Chief Warrant Officer, Bernie Coleman aka Hondo, for keeping the leash on Maverick as tight as one can. I know how hard that can be somedays." Iceman laughed as Maverick flipped him the bird.

"Maverick, if you would please join me up here to help with your feral children." Mav and the other top people there made a line across the stage.

Here was the moment Lucky had been dreading. Them actually being honored. She wanted to throw up.

"First, we would like to bring up our Dagger Spares. These two may not have flown in the mission, but both men were crucial to the rescue mission that followed. These two have proven time and time again why they both graduated top of their classes. Please welcome Jake Seresin, callsign Hangman and Bradley Bradshaw, callsign Rooster to the stage."

She clapped for the two men, as they shook hands with all the bigwigs up on stage, before taking their spots behind Iceman.

"Next we would like to bring up the two Foxtrot teams that flew this mission. Both were vital in this mission's success, and both teams did their part to perfection. First let's bring up Natasha Trace, callsign Phoenix and her backseater Robert Floyd, callsign Bob. Phoenix is a pilot anyone should be grateful to have the opportunity to fly with. She is smart and laser focused. Bob is not only one of the best backseaters around, he was also on the rescue mission."

Phoenix and Bob then joined the others on the stage. Mickey's hand squeezed her thigh just enough to let her know he was right there.

"Our next foxtrot team is a duo that have been flying together since flight school and their chemistry proves it. The pilot is one who has exceeded all expectations and then some, with a smooth voice to boot. Rueben Finch, callsign Payback."

She knew that meant the comfort of Mickey right next to her was going to be gone.

"And his backseater is someone I personally am quite proud of. He is always making sure his other pilots can laugh and also makes them do 200 push ups as punishment. Please welcome Mickey Garcia, callsign Fanboy."

He gave her a quick kiss to her cheek before taking his place beside Payback on the stage.

"These next two pilots showed courage, perseverance, and wits on this mission as mission leader and wingman. First I would like to bring the wingman up here, and hand over the microphone to him. Please welcome Javy Machado, callsign Coyote."

Coyote stood up and left Lucky all alone at their table. He hugged the fellow Daggers then Maverick before taking the podium from Iceman.

"Hello everybody. First I'd like to thank everyone for being here, we much appreciate the support. Also, to my fellow Daggers, I love you guys. There is no better team in the Navy. Even with Hangman bringing us down." He laughed as Hangman tried to hit him. "But I am not the most important person to this mission. I was just the wingman to a very special lady who is here tonight and we should honor her the most. She is the best of the best that there is. Nobody else would go back for their dumbass wingman who sacrificed himself for her trying to be a superhero. Nobody else would have stood a chance out there in the wilderness like she did. And I'm so honored to not only have survived with this lovely lady, but to introduce her to you all. Please help me welcome Baylie Steele, callsign Lucky."

She stood on shaky legs as she climbed the stairs to the stage, with assistance from Maverick. She shook hands, until she got to Iceman who pulled her into a bear hug.

"You look stunning, you're going to kill it kiddo." He whispered in her ear.

She hugged her fellow Daggers, and each one of them whispered words of encouragement in her ear.

She took to the podium, and took a deep breath and searched for her mother in the crowd, after she found Delilah's warm smile she began. "My name is Baylie Steele, but you can call me Lucky. First and foremost I would like to say that my Mom is here tonight, and she is the reason I am as badass as I am. Love you Mom." Everyone clapped as Delilah dapped at her eyes. "I would also like to thank everyone who showed up tonight to give acknowledgement to my friends and fellow aviators who flew this mission with me. I would also like to give a very special thanks to Iceman, Maverick, Cyclone, Warlock, and Hondo for creating a group of people who meshed so well, the people behind me are going to be my best friends for life. Some of them already were. I would like to tell you guys a story with this speech, a story about how my life has led to this moment in time. You see my callsign Lucky has a very special meaning. Most of these guys think it's just because I find pennies everywhere I go. Which is true, I do. But the reason I find all those pennies is because of a very special man that I wish could be here tonight. My stepfather William Steele taught me many lessons in our short time together and when he died he told me he would send me pennies to remind me he was still with me. All of those lessons have helped me in my life after him and also in my career. He taught me that family is not defined by who you share blood with, now I stand on this stage with people who are like my family with no blood shared between any of us. He also taught me how to be tough in all situations, to never give up. During this mission I never gave up even with the odds aganist us, because I knew deep down it was possible. Basically, my Dad was right all along, I could just never admit that out loud as a kid, his ego did not to fed into." She gave a small laugh and caught her breath before continuing. "William also taught me that just one person can change your life, and after he died I never thought I would get another person like him. I was wrong, again, because my very first go around at Top Gun I met someone who would exceed my expectations. Fanboy, you have changed my life in so many ways. You are my best friend, my biggest supporter, and I can't imagine my life without you. That was another lesson I learned from William, I asked him once how he had known my mom was the one for him. He told me "I knew when I couldn't imagine life without her." Mickey Garcia, you are the one for me, and I love you so much. I can't wait to be your wife." She turned back around and saw his eyes glistening with tears, she hadn't shown him that part of the speech.

She turned back around. "Going back for Coyote wasn't me trying to earn recognition or awards or even a night like tonight. I was simply not going to leave one of my friends behind. I made a promise as team leader that all of us were coming home safe and I made damn sure that I kept that promise. Javy, I still haven't fully decided if you were worth almost dying for, but I guess you're alright." She turns around to see Javy smiling widely at her.

"And lastly, I am going to force Iceman back up here to help me finish off this speech." She scoots over so they can share the podium. "Over the last three months I've been honored to spend quite a lot of time with this handsome, old man here." Ice chuckles. "And in our sit downs I've told him much about my stepfather and how alike they are. When one day an idea hit us both at nearly the same time..."

----

"You know, when Dad was sick Mom and I had a fundraiser to raise money for his treatments at the bar." She smiled at the memory. "It was so packed and fun."

She paused.

"Ice I just had an idea."

"Well that's dangerous."

She grabbed a paper clip and threw it at him. "That was mean."

He threw his arms up in surrender. "I'm sorry continue."

"What if we created a foundation for the kids of people going through cancer treatments? We would help pay for the treatments and also provide the kids with the support they will need through it too."

Ice smiled. "Not a bad idea kiddo, and I think I might have a name for it.

"Oh really?"

"Lucky Pennies."

"Perfect."

-----

"So tonight we are proud to announce our foundation that was created with the support of the Navy, American Cancer Foundation, and Cancer Support Community. Iceman, would you like the honors of telling them the name?"

He leans into the mic. "Of course kiddo, I am beyond honored to announce Lucky Pennies, a charity that will not only support the parent going through cancer but also their kids who are fighting alongside them. Much like Lucky here and also my children Jack and Mercedes who are somewhere in this crowd. I love you two so much, and I'm grateful to be your father."

The hall erupted in applause, and she felt as Mickey came up beside her. "I'm so proud of you." He whispered in her ear.

She turned to face him and kissed him deeply right there on the stage which caused the crowd to go wild again. As they walked down the stage, Delilah rushed up to reach her daughter and gave her a huge hug.

"Dad would be so proud of you my love."

"I know."

-----

A/N: hope you guys like this better than I do 🙄

[fatebinds]

"and my unending respect for the law, officer. don't forget that part. some of us have to do our due diligence as citizens, don't we?" it's the most blatantly sarcastic he's been all evening, which is fairly tame all things considered. usually he's much less pleasant to be around—but then, most of that has little to do with jokes or sarcasm. his entire presence does more than enough to frustrate the average person, let alone by the time he opens his mouth. ari is a rare exception in that, over time, he seems to have grown resistance to how insufferable he is. who would have thought? slyly, max goes for a sip of water. he's not exactly trying to hide how disgusting his concoction is, but he isn't trying to show weakness, either. what ever do you mean it's horrible? i can take it. that was vodka. yes, i chase with it all the time. and he does, but not at work. that kind of poor decision making is for the home. "maybe the guy from that podcast should have tried that. who knows? maybe he did." equally as slyly, this time for different reasons, he sets a shot glass of water on the table beside his monstrosity. normally, he's much more coyote ugly than courteous. "if you don't drop in fifteen, i think we can assume you're good to drive."

"right, it's the paying customer part that kept you from fighting him." ari nods as if he believes it completely without question, he doesn't take max for the frontal assault type, but since he didn't need to arrest anyone, it's not really any of his business. he forgets that sometimes, what with how frequently he pries into the affairs of other people, but it generally comes back when people start oversharing.

part of ari wants to look up the case just to get the details right because it sounds more interesting than some of the cases he's had going on lately. he should be grateful for that, in a law officer way, but on a personal level, it's not the most fortunate thing. "there's a reason they say love makes you crazy. it's easy to give into our worst instincts when you're drunk on the rush." you lost all grip on sanity in order to satisfy that craving, or at least that's his impression.

"i knew someone once that drank jungle juice until he puked and he compared it to rainbow acid coming back up. i think he was probably drunk and delusion, but i'll make sure to tell you about it if i end up over the toilet. i'll even send you a picture so you can appreciate the effects of your hard work." that was a disgusting idea, but max would deserve it. "guess that should be my last just to make sure that the results aren't tampered with."

[martwy-basen]

top gun: maverick headcanons, but these are only phoenix and her relationships with the rest of the team

ok SO

this is my first hc post, so sorry if it's messy (it is)

also it's very long (at least i think so) and english isn't my native

we all know that when phoenix arrives to the bar she is with fanboy and payback, right

so i totally think that she mostly hangs out with them

at least at the beginning

i see her as a person who is very fun and outgoing, but only with people that she's known for a while

'the meaner i am, the more i love you' type of person

but not around bob (he is too sweet, she wouldn't even know where to start)

THE REST OF THE BOYS ON THE OTHER HAND

(when she tells someone about them she totally calls them 'the boys' or 'my boys')

so with the rest of the boys she is rougher, but, yk, in a loving way

ROOSTER

OH, HER RELATION WITH ROOSTER (that i created in my head) IS PURE GOLD

i know that at the beginning the writers wanted to make phoenix his love interest, and i would like to personally shake hands with the person who prevented this from happening

they're both bi (that's all you need to know rn)

they tease each other NON-STOP

but they totally can talk about more serious issues

phoenix is always there when rooster needs an emotional kick

he knows the girl won't pity him

and she knows he's not gonna judge her

like when phoenix had the biggest crush on halo and she started to act weirdly around her

BECAUSE I LOVE THE IDEA OF MEAN AND ROUGH PHOENIX WHO LOSES HER COOL EVERYTIME SHE SEES A HOT WOMAN

she struggled so hard to do the first move, she wasn't even sure if she wanted to do it

and rooster — who she wasn't that close to at the time — saw that and started encouraging her to ask halo out

phoenix was very pleasantly surprised at his reaction, but after some time she realized that her crush on callie was — well — just a crush

(it also turned out that halo was already taken) (so actually both phoenix and rooster were happy that natasha didn't make the first move)

but it definitely brought them closer and now they're the hottest bi besties the top gun has ever seen

she is actually the meanest to hangman, most of the time he can't say if she's joking or not

and she LOVES to compete with him, but the funny part is, that he never knows when she does

so they will go up, phoenix will make some sick tricks in the air and when they all land, she'll give bob a high five and she'll laugh in jake's face

saying something like 'SEE, HANGMAN, I WON'

and he will just make a face and ask 'what. you won WHAT exactly'

but she'll be already with rooster, bragging that she beat hangman

and rooster obviously will look at him over her head

and say with a totally straight face 'of course you did'

hangman will just shake his head before following them

back to fanboy and payback (and also coyote, bc i feel like the three of them mostly spends time together)

she kinda treats fanboy like her younger brother, which is VERY sweet

she always helps him when he needs something and they share food

and one is always very happy and proud when the other is successful

phoenix, payback and coyote aren't as closed as, let's say, she and bob, or even rooster, but they like to spend time together

and their fav thing to do is standing with arms crossed, judging people

they gossiped all day after their first lesson with maverick (and also part of the night)

all three of them love to bet on practically anything

but payback and coyote are actually aware of that, unlike hangman

phoenix and payback pretend to truly believe, that coyote and rooster constantly flirt witch each other

so javy and bradley will literally just talk after flying and natasha and reuben will go 'are we interrupting something? we can totally go eat somewhere else' and 'god, can't you guys just KISS already'

it'd be probably very annoying to anyone else, but coyote and rooster don't mind, they know phoenix and payback are just teasing them, so it's okay

+ they actually do flirt a lot

once fanboy asked phoenix, completely serious, if hangman was fine with the fact that his boyfriend flirts with coyote all the time and she hasn't let rooster live since

phoenix, fanboy and coyote LOVE to watch rooster and hangman annoy/flirt with each other. natasha and mickey, whenever they can, they sit cross-legged and watch the bicker like it's a ping-pong match. coyote says they look like children (but always stands next to them whispering shit like 'they wanna kiss each other so bad')

payback and bob are always further away when rooster and hangman have their little show. payback because he is 'bored with their constant flirting', and bob because he is scared they're gonna make him pick a side

YES, CORRECT, IT'S TIME FOR PHOENIX AND BOB BESTIES CONTENT

jhsakhfhfjak SO we know that when bob was assigned to phoenix she wasn't particularly pleased with this (well, she is a bit of a lonely wolf when it comes to flying)

bob had the tiniest, cutest little crush on her

not the 'i like you' crush, more like 'you're so awesome, but i'm too scared to talk to you, so i'm just gonna stare at you' crush (which can be the same thing, yes)

phoenix decided that she can as well be nice to her new wso, especially, when hangman was making fun of him

and she kinda,,, was always there when anybody was going to say anything, it was almost like she had a sixth sense or something

bob is now obviously part of the team (he always was, the boys just needed someone to tease), but he is still very thankful to her

'that's what friends do, come on, bobino' she grins, and bob's heart starts beating faster because HE TRULY IS FRIENDS WITH HER and it's SUCH A NICE FEELING

and YES, she calls him bobino, she actually has a thousand nicknames for him (bobsleigh, bobster, pink floyd. they are all impossibly stupid, but they both love them)

he doesn't remain in debt to her. it's very common to hear bob calling phoenix 'nat', 'tasha', or, his favorite, 'tracy'

i DO think that they spend christmas together (and with rooster, but that's for another post)

i just SKDJFNHSASF i LOVE platonic m/f relationships, they mean so much to me

and that's also why i like to think that phoenix has a nice, cute friendship with each of the boys

[noirapocalypto]

40 & 51-59 for Paolo :3

Thank you!! 💕💕💕 @a-pirate

From this ask game.

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

"Just once, intentionally. I was just shooting the shit with some friends and one of them was like "Hey, you know what would be funny?" And you know I'm always down to clown, so I was like "Hit me with it." Long story short, I went streaking down the street from El Coyote, my big ol' dong swangin' and everything. It got some good laughs...until I ran into Padre at the end of it. I mean, that part still got some laughs but not from him or me."

51: Favourite food?

"Wings, hands down. I'll obliterate a plate of bone-in wings if you set one down in front of me. Any flavor, any sauce. Doesn't matter, just keep them coming and don't stop until I say so. Now I want wings. Wanna grab some lunch?" 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

"Sometimes. There have been moments where something has happened that has lead to something pretty neat happening later on as an effect. Like when we met Renato, and later, Embry. But there are also things in my life that have happened, that make me question what the fuck was the reason for. What purpose did my parents have to die for? What was the reason for my sister and I having to grow up the way we did? What was the reason for all my partners treating me like shit? I'm still waiting for the punchline on those. And it better be fucking funny."

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

"So...you really want to know? Because if you really want to know how I rubbed one out before I passed out, I'll tell you."

(He WILL tell you, in detail too. 😆)

54: Is cheating ever okay?

"No, never. I've been on the receiving end of that, I know how much it hurts. It's a shitty thing to do to someone. I don't think the person doing the cheating knows just how bad they can mess their partner up after that."

55: Are you mean?

"I don't think I am. Yeah, I'm a jerk sometimes, but I never try to go out of my way to be purposely hurtful to someone. I tease and I joke, I shit talk a lot, but it's never really malicious. The only one I've ever been outright mean to is my sister. I don't...mean to. Our fights can get pretty heated though. It's best to keep us apart when we're both angry."

56: How many people have you fist fought?

"The list isn't very long, believe it or not. I'm a lover, not a fighter. But I can throw down if I need to, especially if I need to defend myself or defend my sister. I can pretty much count the amount of people I've taken a swing at on one hand. I'm not a very violent dude. I do talk a lot of shit though, which is what gets me in these sorts of situations to begin with." 57: Do you believe in true love?

"I thought I did. A lot of times I wanted to believe I did. But I haven't had the best track record. So I'm not really sure anymore. I don't think I do, honestly. Maybe for some people, it exists. Like my parents, and what my sister had with her late partner. But for me? I think whoever decides that for people forgot about me."

58: Favourite weather?

"I like it when it's kinda cloudy and somewhat breezy. I like wearing coats, so any weather where I'm not boiling alive while wearing them is probably my favorite. I honestly can't really stand heat all too much. Summers are the worst. Sure, I can finally have an excuse to go shirtless which I love to do, but god, at what cost?" 59: Do you like the snow?

"I've never seen it, actually. But I would like to at some point. It's something I would like to experience before I kick it. If I were to leave Night City and live somewhere else, I'd like to live where snow is a thing."

[ioannemos]

9, 12, 50, 51, 52, 55, 100 -- all your OCs pretty, pretty please <3

9. If they could change one part of their appearance, what would it be?

q is very protective of his body, but that stops at his face. he shares some facial characteristics with his dad's side of the family that instantly tag him as related to anyone who knows his uncle, and he would rather not be known on sight as "maitland's nephew"

the only thing sam would change about his body would be to have the limberness of youth back, please. he's used to his face and every scar has a story

christine would like to be a little more muscular. she exercises regularly but she isn't very strong, tho her endurance is pretty good

jason inherited his father's uneven ears, as his mother tells him often. he therefore feels he can never tell her that he hates them

michelle would change her eye color from dark brown to blue

david would stay the same height (an even six feet) but he has a long torso rather than long legs and he'd rather have it the other way

muninn would like to look less like his parents in general, tho he doesn't have any concrete ideas of what he would change. hair color? face shape?

12. What’s their position in their friend group? (leader, mom friend, chaos goblin, etc)

q is not in any group chats but if he were he'd be chaos goblin adjacent. he'd be totally normal for days or weeks at a time and then suddenly whip out obscure law loopholes or say that hang gliding is all right so far as it goes but it just doesn't compare to paramotoring in terms of control. normal returns as he complains with the best of them about how people just don't fu*king TIP like ANIMALS until announcing ugh, guys, he'll be out of town for a while, not sure how long, the people at this retreat make great [rare and obscenely expensive food everyone else in the gc has to google] but these things always run long, cross your fingers that he'll be back in a month!

sam is the voice of reason and experience. good at nudging people who need to be nudged, whether that's someone shy who needs encouragement or someone being innocently offensive who needs gentle correction

christine is the mommest of mom friends. you're going out drinking? will you be alone? when do you expect to be back? drink water! text her if you lose your wallet and need a taxi or something. text her when you're on your way home and when you're actually inside. she'll worry if you don't, tho she won't guilt trip you, she just wants you to be safe 🥺 also she uses lots of punctuation and emojis (she likes making little stories with emojis tho she waits for lulls in conversation to post them)

jason posts a lot but rarely anything serious. dumb memes, cute animal pics, the occasional cursed image, lots of single word and emoji only texts

michelle is the troublemaker. she has Opinions on everything, starts shit just to argue sometimes, and will switch sides mid-argument if she thinks the other side is forgetting something important. and then she'll be having a crisis in the dms with someone. she's a lot. just like... a lot to handle

david is the ghost, the guy you forget is even in this group chat until he tells an incredibly dry joke, makes a really bad pun, or volunteers a location where no one will ever find that creep's corpse, seriously it's perfect for a body dump, it's an overgrown creek bed and he knows there are wolves or maybe coyotes in the area? or, alternatively, there are these empty barrels at this other worksite and no one would notice if one went missing-

muninn is even more ghostly. he'd only stay in a gc if a particular person invited him and he would only respond to very specific stimuli, like "nice cat" if someone posted a photo or "legally obligated to tell you that idea is stupid and you're dumb as fu*k if you think you won't get caught" to someone theorizing how to break in somewhere or steal something. about a 25% chance he would respond to "why tf wouldn't that work?" with a serious answer (if a touch vague on details), a 73% chance he would ignore the question (and if they @'d him he'd tell them to fu*k off), and a 2% chance he'd respond "bc you're a moron" and imply the reason it wouldn't work was purely that

50. Why would they be a good partner for a road trip?

q is used to discomfort, being awake for long hours, and keeping his head in stressful situations like roadwork, getting lost, or being pulled over

sam is very knowledgeable, experienced, and an expert at reading the room. he'd have a great handle on when to bust out the funny stories, when and how to suggest switching drivers or pulling over for a rest, when to have the radio on and when silence is necessary...

christine is generally cheerful, sweet, and accommodating. she's also the kind of person who packs extras of little stuff that people forget, like lip balm and tissues, and you can always borrow her charging cord

jason is friendly, has a great sense of direction, and knows how to fix cars

if you already like michelle, you've learned to appreciate or at least more than just tolerate her eccentricities, like her winding trains of thought, her appreciation of the mundane beauty of life, and her broad taste in unusual music

david has few strong opinions on things like where to eat or what music is unbearable, sleeps lightly everywhere so grabbing catnaps is the norm, and so long as you get where you're planning on going about when you planned on getting there, he doesn't care if you want to take the scenic route or drive all night. also, while not chatty himself, he's a great listener

muninn is independent and pretty self contained, so he doesn't care if your music tastes clash bc he's got headphones. if you like different foods, he'll just drop you off or be dropped off, etc

51. Why would they be a BAD partner for a road trip?

q isn't super patient and is used to being alone. being in a confined space with someone for a long time would stress him out, tho you might not be able to tell until he was already boiling over

sam can be easygoing enough about things like getting lost or plans being changed that he doesn't hold tightly to any plans, ever, which can come across as not giving a shit

christine tends to get kind of in a rut when traveling. the seat you started in is your seat for the rest of the trip. either everyone pays for their own meals or everyone takes a turn paying for everyone else. people can request to switch seats or that their music be played, but she'd rather you didn't

jason gets antsy at being cooped up for long periods of time. he'd want to get out and run a long lap around wherever you stopped whenever you stopped. also he's not the most scintillating conversationalist

michelle is opinionated and wishy-washy and cannot be silenced- unless you hurt her feelings, in which case she will put in her earbuds and ignore you for at least an hour. she has enough social skills to understand when she's getting annoying but years of making the deliberate choice to Be Authentic, which can include being irritating

david is severely dyslexic and therefore cannot drive or help with the map

muninn isn't friendly or concerned with being liked

52. What topic should nobody bring up around them, lest the other person be subject to a massive ramble/rant?

q: tipping in general and for service jobs specifically (rant)

sam: gun control (ramble)

christine: loyalty is a big deal (rant) or best yarn (ramble)

jason: the military (rant) (he's a soldier, so he tends towards defense of it, but he is also very aware of its flaws so if he feels comfortable with whoever he's with he can also rant at length about the stupidity involved)

michelle: A R T (ramble/rant/lecture/emotional soul-bearing)

david: disability accommodation, dehumanization, etc (rant)

muninn: people being stupid/irritating (rant)

55. Choose a vine you think perfectly encapsulates their character.

q: "so basically what i was thinking was- *gets punched in the face* [with no change in tone] ah fu*k! i can't believe you've done this 😠"

sam: "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself! and weasels. those little bas-"

christine: the one where the woman sees her cat stretch in its sleep and collapses against the wall clutching her chest bc The Cuteness!!!

jason: man in frontloader: how do you run this thing?

man behind camera: move the sticks

[cut to frontloader crashing through trees, the man inside it yelling with each impact]

michelle: the one where that huuuge red ball is rolling down the street despite the best efforts of a few frantic people and someone replaced the audio with "i want to break free" by queen

david: "*on phone* oh, yeah, i would, but i got too much to do tonight" [cut to him drinking beer and playing the piano]

muninn: "hello *looks at empty wrist* it's currently half past "i don't give a fu-""

100. If you, the creator, met them, would you two get along?

q: probably, but with periods of mutual frustration bc he holds a lot of himself back and i don't think he'd appreciate me trying to get the real him

jason: yeah, tho we don't have much in common

sam: YES i think he's super cool and he's used to being a role model/teacher

christine: yes but being around her would make me sad after a while bc there are def aspects of my mom in her

michelle: we'd get along really well and then really badly and then back again, depending on our moods (most of her A R T opinions are mine, exaggerated, and there are aspects of her personality i wish i had that come paired with aspects i'd find grating)

david: sure. david gets along with practically everybody and once he found out some of the things we agree on he'd like me

muninn: mutual annoyance. he is my fave but g o d does he get on my nerves sometimes and i can't think of anything he'd actively like about me unless i let out my inner bitch, something i try to avoid

[revchainsaw]

Coneheads (1993)

Another Entry from 1993. I'm leaning towards the thought that 1993 was a booming year for moviegoers. Unlike my previous review (Demolition Man), Coneheads is a movie that I am not visiting for the first time. I have fugue like toddler memories of the unforgettable silhouettes of these characters but I also have much more vivid memories of seeing reruns of this film on Comedy Central throughout my school years. Of Course, I can not hear Soft Cell's Tainted Love without thinking about this film.

The Message

Coneheads is a Sci-Fi Comedy exploring the American immigrant experience of a family of illegal aliens, but these aliens are of the extraterrestrial variety. All joking aside, that is how the plot presents it's central conflict as the INS is hot on their trail. The Coneheads are a nuclear family of aliens from the planet Remulak. Dan Aykroyd plays the father Beldar, he is employed most comically as a Taxi Driver and also by his home planet as the Time Keeper, whose job it is to inform the invading force of the most opportune time to conquer the earth. Beldar's mate and lifelong companion is Prymaat, played by Jane Curtin. Together they have a daughter, born of Earth, named Connie.

The first act of the film tells of the Coneheads arrival and stranding on Earth and how they are treated as foreigners and second class citizens by the people of Earth. However, they are never assumed to be aliens, just kinda freaky looking. Much of the humor comes from no matter how strange and unappealing they act the Coneheads kindness, hard work, and diligent behavior earns them the admiration and love of their neighbors and coworkers everywhere they go. Eventually Prymaat becomes pregnant and they give birth to Connie.

After a time jump, Connie has entered her teenage years and the generation gap and the culture gap between the Coneheads and their rebellious daughter begins to manifest. The Coneheads are loving parents and Connie a loving daughter and it's just so heartwarming to see such a functional relationship played out as they navigate these difficulties.

Unfortunately, the INS director who had once been on the Coneheads case early in their years finds that the unresolved investigation into these aliens has left a dark mark on his record and could be used to foil his political aspirations. Due to this realization his ambition towards these goals turns his apathy about the case to a dogged pursuit that would put Wile E. Coyote to shame.

Eventually the Coneheads are brought back in touch with the Remulak people and Beldar is forced to choose between his devotion to his culture and his people, and the life he has built for his beloved family as a citizen of Earth. Through some trickery and a decision to spare the Earth, Beldar becomes the anonymous savior of the Earth and the Coneheads are granted U.S. Citizenship.

With our Invader Zim's and Solar Opposites on our plates, does the Coneheads hold up as a satisfactory offering to the Cult of Cult?

Let's get to the Benediction.

Best Gag: 10 fingers, 10 toes, 10 inch cone

The Coneheads is sort of a one trick pony when it comes to humor. No one particular gag sticks out more than any other as most of the comedy tends to be, a Conehead does a weird thing and then people react either shocked or strangely unfazed. However, one seen has both reactions and a ton of that weirdness in rapid fire succession and that would be the birth of Connie Conehead.

Best Effect: Narfle the Garthok

At the climax of the film Beldar is set in colosseum battle against a creature known as the Garthok. The effect is a simple stop motion beast, and it certainly looks corny by todays standards. Even next to an old Ray Harryhausen film the creature looks cartoony. I think that's more than forgivable considering Coneheads is basically a cartoon. I want to take a moment to give props to the makeup department, at no point do i feel like the Coneheads do not look like aliens, they completely sell the very mild alien features that set the Remulaks apart from Earthlings, but these effects are just that, mild. I'm a monster loving boy and I gotta get my monster love out. I love the Garthok, and I may have to admit I've watched Coneheads a few times just to see the Garthok.

Worst Aspect: Just a Dash of Implied Racism

Racism is just an aspect of our culture. There's no pretending that isn't the case, and for that reason for generations racial stereotypes and observations have made it into our films. That is not to say that observations about race being made are automatically racist, however, I think there are some jokes about how the Coneheads are treated in the film, or the things they do that only work if you are familiar enough with racist caricature that the gag makes sense. Unfortunately, these few moments do not go so far as to subvert the gag. For instance, in a film where a black character is implied to be in danger because the police show up, would be an example of a racial issue that is implied because the audience recognizes the implications of how race is a part of American culture, but an implication that the hallways of a building where aliens live in smells funny or that aliens behaving like freaks is accepted implies that the audience thinks that foreigners smell strange or behave in freaky ways, and does not do enough to subvert these stereotypes. Do I think this was intentional or malicious? NO. But it is important to talk about. The filmmakers swim in the same cultural water as I, and the implied biases that you must understand to get some of the jokes are the same biases that are implanted in me. It's just important to note.

Best Aspect: It's All Love Baby

There is a lot of love on display in Coneheads. Beldar and Prymaat are supportive to one another and to their daughter. There is conflict and misunderstandings in the plot, but it shows that a loving family is not measured by a lack of conflict but by how they deal with their issues. Connie is a loving daughter. The friends and neighbors of the Coneheads are also incredibly kind and supportive of the young alien family. Ronnie, played by the ever endearing Chris Farley is so enamored with Connie that he openly accepts all of the weirdness and well intentioned abuse he suffers as a human trying to find an in to a Remulak family with open arms. It's a shame that so much humor in todays film comes from characters being awful to one another. It's refreshing to turn back the clock and enjoy a comedy that runs on such a warm hearted engine.

Most WTF Guy: Dan Aykroyd is a fucking Weirdo

Between Ghostbusters, Nothing But Trouble, and Coneheads I'm coming to realize just how freaking weird Dan Aykroyd is and I love it. This guys mind must be like an Adult Swim bump marathon.

Ambiguous Aspect: An American Tale

The humor of Coneheads is a fish out of water tale, and as such relies heavily on the cultural context of the American Dream and it's relevance for immigrants. In a way Coneheads can be seen as in dialogue with movies like An American Tale, Scarface, and many others. I was born in America, as a military brat, and I have lived in other countries but always on American military bases and where my status as an American was more of a benefit than a hindrance in my day to day interactions with citizens of whatever country I was living in. I have no personal context for these struggles or how the humor of Coneheads is in anyway relevant.

From where I'm sitting I really enjoy how the themes of the film explore the exploitation of immigrants. How Beldar has a genius level IQ and an absurd work ethic yet he is payed in peanuts and happily overproduces for his bosses. I appreciate the exploration of the cultural gap between immigrant parents and their bicultural children. I'd like to think, because I quite enjoy Coneheads, that this movie is sensitive and is presenting these issues in a sympathetic light instead of just using prejudices of "wacky foreigners" as fodder for cheap jokes, but I'm not really sure I'm the position to determine that.

At the very least it's something to chew on. If any of you in the congregation have read any articles pertaining to the subject of how the immigrant experience was portrayed in Coneheads please shoot me a link. I'm sure it would be illuminating to read. Perhaps I am over thinking things and maybe the film makers did not wish to have the movie picked apart, however, immigration is currently and has always been a sensitive and complex category of interrelated issues in our country and if Dan Aykroyd and the other writers did not want to dig into the subject maybe they should have steered clear of the topic in the script.

Summary

Coneheads will not likely be the funniest film you'll ever see. It's certainly a product of it's time and I'm not sure that even then it was for everyone. This is a heartfelt family story but it is also what happens when an SNL skit by a very strange and very high Dan Aykroyd is successful enough to receive a Hollywood budget and a feature length claim to your time. It's by no means amazing, but it is easy viewing. Good luck getting Soft Cell out of your head this week.

Overall Grade: C

[jaymgates]

Sif & Baldr Tales - Mighty Hunter

More Baldr shenanigans. TW for mentions of prey drive, rats, and small furry danger.

So, Baldr is a deadly and dedicated hunter. He's been trained not to just launch after any squirrel he sees, but off-leash, he's taught the local rodentry some fear, if not manners.

For a couple of rats, that's been their final lesson. He is *very* good at hunting. I think that's where all his other brain cells live, and he only has one for everything else.

Anyways, rats are an issue in this part of the state. We hadn't had issues with them for years, but a couple of years ago, I noticed a vegetable in the garden would start to get ripe, and then just...disappear. We later found a literal rats nest in the woodpile, filled with rotting produce.

I'd have apologized for blaming the squirrels, but given the asshole who discovered I'd harvested my corn before she could and then stared me in the eye as she snapped off the top of the cornstalk and carried it away, I felt ZERO guilt.

Anyways, this was before we had Baldr. We cleaned it up, which was a gruesome and awful task, and the problem seemed solved.

However, the next year, an exterminator was going door to door, and suddenly rats were showing up again. We made a lot of Pied Piper jokes, but we suspect someone else had an extermination and the survivors scattered to the neighbors. We also have a lovely wetlands area literally across the street from us, and lots of brushy, treed areas (and even coyotes!), so it isn't surprising.

But, we had Baldr by that time.

Two rats were a short, sharp squeak, followed by a merry game of keep-away around the entire yard because Baldr was VERY proud but discovered he wasn't allowed to keep his bounty. That second one took me twenty minutes of endless pursuit.

We trapped a bunch more rats before Baldr could get them. Again the problem seemed to be solved, and my ire turned to the rabbit who has started coming up on the deck to stare at the dogs, which is a truly terrible life plan.

While Dylan was gone, however, I took the dogs out onto the back deck so I could do some gardening on a rare sunny day. They screeched out of the door, I heard a wild scramble, and a rat shot into the dubious protection of the space between the house and my gardening supplies.

Right next to the open door.

THAT was exciting.

I finally got the dogs inside while keeping the rat outside, and chased it off the deck. Discovered that rats like slug and snail bait. Cleaned that up, rearranged some things.

Things quieted down for a while.

But the other day, we heard a crash on the back deck after dark. Turned the light on, and the dogs nearly went through the door because the rat was back, looking for more snail bait.

Turned the light off, went to bed. That was tomorrow's problem.

Yesterday, we finally got the rat and rehomed it into the wilds a few miles away on our way up to the barn. (Yes, I am aware this is potentially problematic as well, but we can't and won't use poison, and they're endemic around here anyways, so this is our least gruesome option).

Baldr was absolutely incensed that we weren't giving him the rat, and pawed at the fence and gate when the trapped rat was in the driveway. (Sif also really, really wanted it, but she's less cold-blooded and obsessed than her brother).

Stuck the empty live trap against the house where it would be out of the way until needed again. Didn't think anything of it.

This morning, I let the dogs out. Baldr ran around the corner, like he often does.

All the sudden, I hear this metallic clatter. Confused, I wander around the corner.

Baldr has found the trap.

The EMPTY trap.

But it's Baldr, and the trap smells like one of his favorite things, so surely the trap is a rat.

He paws at it a couple of times. That doesn't work.

So, he nibbles it, like a favorite cookie.

I could SEE the confusion on his face.

Smells like rat. Tastes like not-rat.

He nibbled it again. Still not-rat.

So he picks it up between his front teeth to carry it off.

It's apparently heavier than expected, because he drops it, and it tumbles toward him.

Not-rat is now attacking him. He leaps back and stares at it in horror and confusion.

Nibbles and paws it again. Still not-rat, but doesn't attack him.

He tries to pick it up again. It attacks him again.

At this point, I can see him getting mad, so between helpless laughter, I collar him and drag him inside, despite the intent and active resistance of every fiber of his being. He then began running around inside the house, looking for it.

Dylan goes and moves the not-rat out of Baldr's sphere of awareness. I gave the dogs cookies, which successfully switched the single track of Baldr's mind.

He's very pretty. He's a very good hunter.

But he's still Baldr.