#IS JUNES NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU??? EVERYTHINGS GREAT AT YOUR JUNES??????

[dudewhy3]

Continue yours and Myrtle's discussion about Armin being a Twilight fan, what if it's a plot twist, and it's ARMIN who introduced Mikasa to Twilight?

Like, he was *analysing* everything and reading books and watching movies, but was ashamed of it, and Mikasa once spotted him writing another long essay about, "The more Edward loves Bella, the more he thinks he's in danger: principles of the selective abstraction and polarizes thinking", and so he introduced her with the saga after this.

BONUS: before AruAni became a thing, Armin heard Annie playing and singing Paramore - Decode, and he was mesmerized by her voice, playing and beauty, and so he was so smitten with her, that he didn't even notice that Annie was, in fact, smitten with him, too. It took them a while before they became a couple, but when they did, Annie plays Decode only for him :3

HI ANNAAAA, AND OH MY GOD YES!! THIS IS SUCH A GREAT IDEA AAAAAAGH, thank you for sending it in!! <3

It turned out rather long ahaha, so i'll put it under the cut. Please do beware of the angst ahead :3

So in a high school au, let's say Armin was 16 this year. That would mean that he was born in the same year the first Twilight movie was released (2008), just 3 weeks before. So, imagine his parents, a young couple, new parents to a little bundle of light, huddling up on the little couch in their little apartment, trying to ignore the cold, switching through channels to make the time pass. They randomly get to a channel streaming Twilight, so they watch it all. And little Armin doesn't cry once, he just stares at the screen with those big eyes of his, as if he understood everything that was going on. For the next 5 years, each November they would watch the release of another Twilight movie (except for that one time in like 2010 when they released it in June). And after the saga was complete, they'd watch it all in November, maybe even on Armin's birthday to make it more special. Until the day he turned 10, and his parents didn't come home– they never came home again, it was just him and his grandfather. Yet every time he missed them, he put on a Twilight movie, and the grief would get a little more bearable.

So as he grew older, he grew more attached to the saga. He started analysing everything about it, every little detail, because it made him feel closer to his parents. But he never shared those ideas, because they were so intimate and he was already getting bullied enough- so, he kept them in a little notebook. Until one day in math class when he was about 13 or 14, he was scribbling down ideas for that essay you mentioned- "The more Edward loves Bella, the more he thinks he's in danger" (which is such a cool title btw, love it). And Mikasa peeked over his shoulder and read a bit, and she was so engrossed with it that she didn't stop pestering him until he showed her the movies.Which was life changing for Mikasa, because she now finally had something she truly loved, but also for Armin- someone liked his ideas; he got to share his love for the series again, and it made him happy. So he finally found the courage to share his analyses and ideas, and they were well recieved by the fandom.

But he never finished that essay, not until he met Annie. He met her just as you said- he heard her singing once and was irrevocably in love. Except, i head canon that Annie would be such a distant and quiet person in high school, it would take a LOT to get close to her. Not only is she aloof, she's also extremely direct- so all his efforts to sit with her or strike up conversation ended up in her berating him for bugging her. Besides, there was Bert too, always two steps behind Annie in an almost stalky manner, but she seemed to indulge his presence better than Armin's.

So, Armin gave up on trying to pursue her. He accepted the fact that he was the Jacob in this situation and that his Bella has chosen the giant vampire, and drowned himself into his theories and analysis. He found that essay in his drafts, and decided to work on it again. "The more Edward loves Bella, the more he thinks he's in danger: principles of the selective abstraction and polarized thinking". It helped to put his own feelings and love somewhere.

But the bullies found it. They found his notebook, tore it all up, gave him one hell of a beating. Armin was left bruised and broken and with a ruined notebook. His work, his life's purpose- gone. He didn't know what to do, so he picked himself up, gathered the pieces of paper that used to be his essay, and started walking astray through the school. Until he heard soft guitar tunes coming out of the music room, and found Annie there, playing her guitar, wearing a scowl on her face. Somehow, her scowl only deepened when she saw him.

"I didn't know where else to go." He couldn't go home and worry his grandpa, and he couldn't go to his friends either, or Eren would have caused a scene. "Is it cool if I stay here? I promise not to bother you."

Annie looked him up and down, examining him thoroughly, her eyes widening the slightest bit at the sight of his bruises. "It's whatever," she finally said.

So they sat in the music room, each doing their own thing. Armin put his essay back together, and Annie carried on with her song. No word was spoken between them that day, or the next day, or the next week, yet there was peace in the quiet and comfort in the silent understanding passed between them. But Annie's silence turned into nods of aknowledgement and later into quiet 'hi's. Armin's turned into little smiles and stolen glances, and occasional "hey do you want some chips?"s. One day, two months into this arrangement, as she was taking a little break from her guitar and munching on his chips, she asked about that essay of his.

"How come you haven't finished it yet, don't you have a deadline for it?"

And so, feeling extremely self conscious, Armin beat around the bush and said that it was this silly character analyses for a show he liked.

The next day, Annie was playing another song, but he didn't recognize it at first because she played it in little sequences, never in full length. Eventually, maybe three or four weeks later, she asked him to put his essay aside for a minute and just listen, and she played Paramore's Decode, both guitar and voice. Armin was left absolutely mesmerized, so much so that he didn't know what to say, staring at Annie with a big dumb smile on his face. But the more he stared, the more self aware Annie became. She flushed a deep red, picked up all her stuff in a hurry and left.

That was the moment Armin realized he was completely smitten. He went home, sat down at his desk- and decided to finish his essay that very day, give it to Annie in the morning, and confess his love through it. Which is exactly what he did. He was an absolute zombie the next day, having barely slept, but when he made it to the music room his heart was beating like crazy against his chest.

Annie got flustered when she saw him. "This is my room, I found it first. If you're gonna sit there and mock me for what I play, then you can stick your nose right up your-"

He thrusted the papers in her arms. "Just read this," he demanded.

Annie looked between him and the papers with skeptical eyes, but eventually sat down and started reading through them. Armin sat next to her and carefully watched her face as she read, taking into account every little change in her expression.

When she was done, Annie sat the papers neatly between them.

"Okay. And?"

"What do you think?"

"What does this have to do with me?"

Armin took a deep breath in, building up his courage. He couldn't back out now.

"This is how I feel about you. What do you think?"

[elmflowers]

two episodes into a p4g playthrough. what the fuck is up with the citizens of inaba. why do these people want to see a dead body so bad.

[uhode]

i’m going to strangle this man with my bare fucking hands i can’t wait to see him just to set some things straight

[artslovergirl]

casual by chappell roan – but make it 2007

art donaldson x reader

notes: okay so, originally this was just a part of a larger fic based around the entire song but um,, i have adhd. so. you get it. but i really liked this part that i actually got done so i didnt want it to collect cobwebs in my google docs lol. but i might think about finishing the whole thing! maybe!

wordcount: 1.7k

Your body was buzzing and tingling in a pleasant and almost numb way. Like the feeling of calm waves lapping at your ankles after having a tidal wave crashed over you. Everything felt warm, most likely due to the late June air and Arts warm arms wrapped around your already flushed body. You probably liked these moments the most. The afterglow. In these moments you could wholly bask in your connection to Art without the thought of you two being just 'casual' dragging after.

It wasn't like you hadn't known what you were getting into. Casual hook-ups and maybe the odd date here and there with a super hot tennis player from your art history course (you made the pun as soon as he introduced himself. He was nice enough to give you a fake laugh.) sounded like a great deal. And it sounded like one of those college-y things your roommate had urged you to do.

You just really hadn't been prepared for how easy it would be to fall in love with him.

Suddenly the warmth that his soft yet firm body was radiating against yours– that was so pleasing a moment ago– felt like an unbearable sauna. You gently untangled yourself from his embrace. He let out a small hum but let you go. Everything still felt warm.

Like routine by this point, you walk over to his dresser, not even bothering to pick up your sweaty discarded clothes from earlier decided on stealing a shirt and boxers from him like always.

You pulled open the drawer and felt your breath catch at what stared back at you. There was a small corner packed with clothes that werent there before.

Your clothes. Which wasnt surprising since you often just forgot your stuff after a late night. But what was surprising is that Art had made a small space for you in his drawer which was now occupied by your originally left behind but now freshly washed and folded shirts, underwear, some pajama bottoms and your favorite lacy bra (which was coincidentally Art’s favorite too).

A familiar shiver swept over your skin causing goosebumps– which you would really like to attribute to your severe lack of clothing but you couldn't lie to yourself anymore than you already had. This relationship had exceeded far past casual. Unfortunately –unlike the other times you had realized this and then vehemently shook away the thought– you couldn't ignore it this time.

Because it was staring you right in the face in the form of your favorite bra hanging out of Art Donaldson's dresser.

You had to face it: you were basically his fucking girlfriend. You were in a relationship without the labels nor the commitment. That's great. That's what everyone wanted, right? All the emotional involvement, none of the promise of loyalty or reciprocated feelings and a 100% chance of getting your heart broken.

…But he had to feel it too, right? Guys don't make space in their dresser for a girl they have no feelings for, do they? So maybe… Maybe this could have a happy ending? Maybe this could serve as the catalyst for you both to be honest about your feelings and realize that you're basically already dating and just make it official. It's not like Art had commitment issues, necessarily. It was more the opposite. He was too committed. To Tashi.

Either way you really just needed to figure out where you fit into his life. Because right now you were squeezed in between his sock drawer and the place where he kept his old tennis rackets.

“Are you okay?” Art’s voice snapped you out of your stupor. You mumble something that sounds like, “Huh..what?” and look over your shoulder to see Art giving you a confused stare from his bed.

His blonde curls were still all messed up from you running your hands through and tugging at them earlier. He was bathed in the warm glow of his desk lamp, softening his already adoring features all the more.

His face was smushed against his pillow as he was laying on his side, and he was giving you his best puppy dog eyes. Although, to be fair, he kind of always had puppy dog eyes. The upper part of his well-defined chest was visible, his pale skin still tinted with redness from you running your hands and nails all over it.

The sight made your heart stutter even though you saw him in a much more promiscuous position a mere half an hour ago.

He looked too good to be true. Sometimes he reminded you of those statues that had lipstick marks all over their marble lips because they were sculpted in such an enchantingly beautiful way that people couldn't help but kiss them. The name Art made a lot of sense, you thought.

Wow. You were whipped to an almost embarrassing level.

That thought made you feel like someone had poured a glass of ice water down your back, “Um..” You tried to regain your focus. “I hadn't noticed that you…kept a space in your dresser for me.” Your gaze swept back over to the drawer.

Mainly because you were sure that if you looked at Art any longer, your feelings would become irrevocable.

”Oh, yeah.” he said it so nonchalantly, in complete contrast to how you were feeling right now. He sat up with his blanket pooling over his thighs, exposing his Adonis belt and blond happy trail that led down to- You quickly flit your eyes back to the dresser in front of you.

Jesus Christ, get a grip, you mentally scolded yourself. There was a short silence that fell over the room. His gaze was still on you, trying to gauge what you were trying to communicate to him. He leaned back against the headboard and without him even realizing, he began running the pads of his fingers over his lips like he always did when he got nervous or felt awkward.

“Well.. I just thought since you stay over sometimes.. You know.” he explained, clearing his throat a little. You dug out your panties and one of your (used to be Art’s) Stanford shirts. If you were going to confront this, you definitely couldn't do it naked.

You didn't miss how Art's gaze never left you once while you were pulling on the soft cotton shirt and panties.

Once you were clothed again, you padded back over to his bed in silence. The mattress dipped as you let your weight fall onto the edge of it. You started shuffling your feet against the carpeted floor, trying to release some of the nerves washing through your body.

You could feel his bed squeak a little as he leaned forward towards you, letting his arms rest on his knees. The intensity of his attentive stare on you didn't exactly help the nauseating swirl of anxiety stirring in your stomach. You chewed on your bottom lip while scrunching up your nose, thinking on how to best approach this.

Tugging and pulling at the carefully crafted bracelet on your wrist, you started, “So..isn't it a little..much to keep space in a drawer for someone you're just hooking up with?”

You immediately worried your wording was making you come across too harsh so you almost stumbled over your words trying to follow up with, “Not that- I just mean…Um..I don't know like..what the..code?..on that is..” Yeah, nailed it. Real smooth.

Vaguely you could see Art’s face scrunch up in confusion from your peripheral, but you were too mortified by your clunky approach to face him fully. He began fidgeting, flicking his thumb under his ring finger. “..Um,” a nervous chuckle followed, “What–uh, what do you mean?”

You began pinching and pulling at the hem of your (his) shirt. “I just…” you sighed and it almost sounded annoyed– maybe the repressed anger at his refusal to acknowledge your deepening relationship was finally bubbling up–

“Isn't that something a guy would do like..for his girlfriend?” You turned your head to the side, finally facing him. He began staring at his bedsheets as if they were suddenly the most interesting thing in the world, fingers still fidgeting.

“I dont know..” he mumbled, “Not necessarily. It's just more convenient, right?” he added with a small shrug. You could hear the uncertainty wavering in his voice.

The sight of him all nervous and sitting curled up in on himself like a hedgehog trying to protect its soft underbelly almost made you regret saying anything at all. Seeing Art in any unease at all always sent a small pang through your chest. He just looked so…almost pitiful. You weren't going to back down, though.

“Art.” you tried your hardest to make your voice sound firm and stable. “Mh,” He raised his head finally meeting your gaze. His blond curls fell just slightly above his eye– he needed a haircut again soon.

Without really thinking about it, almost like it was an instinct, you had reached out and carefully brushed some of them out of his line of sight. It felt so intimate that it made you want to hurl so you quickly retracted your hand like his forehead had burned you.

You laid your hands down in your lap and stared at them.

“I think..things between us are..more than just a casual fling now. At least to me.” You really had tried to sound confident in your words but instead you almost whispered them. Like it was a secret you were ashamed to admit.

The few seconds between you speaking and Art responding felt like torture. You just kept staring at your hands, swallowing down the growing lump in your throat. The sound of him shifting on the bed felt almost deafening to you in the silence.

“I…” He awkwardly cleared his throat again, “I think I...like what we have right now.” That wasn't the response you expected. Or wanted. Was it even really a response? A metallic taste flooded your mouth. That's when you realized you'd been mindlessly chewing your bottom lip and were apparently too lost in thought to realize you had dug your teeth in far too deep. You didn't care about that right now. Your head felt like it was buzzing, completely overwhelmed with different thoughts and reactions to Art's response and what you should do next. “Okay.” is all you could manage. “Yeah, okay.” you exhaled softly, shifting your gaze back to him and nodding slightly. He nodded back, his expression indiscernible.

Despite what you said, you still let yourself drift off to sleep in his arms. And despite what he said, he still pressed a tender kiss to your forehead as your eyes fluttered shut.

[jaythes1mp]

Do you think readers' lives would be different if they were a deer hybrid?

Fun Fact: Did you know that cervids (from the deer, deer and elk family) are considered extremely sensitive animals. When suffering severe stress, such as when captured or rescued, for example, the animal's reaction can cause what is called 'capture myopathy' ', which compromises the organism of these animals.

I do, actually. Because, another fun fact! In June of this year me and my roommate saved a baby deer who was laying next to her mums dead body (she was less than 48 hours old). Fortunately she wasn’t injured. We were extremely lucky to be living next to a wildlife specialist, our neighbour, who’s been looking after Astrid and will continue to until she’s old enough to be relocated. Thankfully this wasn’t the first deer that’s been brought to her. So unfortunately I'm very acquainted with that fact.

She’s still striving strong though! These were the first pics taken of her.

Anyway, how they’d react:

Batfam x deer hybrid reader

With Damian's exceptionally caring nature when it comes to animals, he has already meticulously planned out the perfect environment for your deer forms comfort. He has considered every possible scenario and tailored everything to ensure your contentment as well as a space to meet all of your needs.

The young Wayne would thoughtfully strategize and visualise your reactions to every minor action or stimulus. He would carefully consider the most appropriate responses and adapt his behaviour to ensure a positive and nurturing environment for you. Even if the environment in question was one that you were forced into.

The bats would handle your transformed state with great caution, disregarding if your human mind was in control when you were transformed or not. Given your affiliation with the Cervidae family in your animal form, the Wayne family would be especially mindful and considerate of your natural tendencies, behaviours, and instincts.

Despite Dick's intelligence and expertise as a vigilante, being second only to Bruce Wayne himself, his impatience would become apparent within the twenty-ninth attempt to approach you for some affectionate ‘big brother cuddles’. Assuming you’re an adult or older teen, you would be extremely skittish and resistant in your deer form to his advances and attempts to get close, if not completely avoid his presence altogether, let alone let him cling to you for a ‘snuggle.’

Jason wouldn’t comprehend why you’d consistently conceal yourself, in both forms, hiding behind the couch every time he arrives, or why you involuntarily freeze at the sound of his motorcycle, or even why you instinctively flee at the slightest hint of him standing or making a move. But despite his confusion, he doesn't hold it against you. He’s witnessed the horrific experiences and trauma the children of Gotham City are subjected to, and if hiding and evading is the way you cope with what you’re going through, then he’s willing to wait patiently for you to feel secure in his presence. As your sibling, he vowed never to give you a reason to fear him. He knows just how overwhelming it is in this new environment, and he’s not planning on giving you any more reasons to be frightened by them.

Tim would find it easier to deal with your distressed nature than the others, opting to monitor you through the security cameras, allowing him to work on his cases simultaneously, rather than being overly affectionate with you. This way, he could keep a watchful eye on you without having to directly interact, which allows him to multi-task and focus on both keeping you safe and solving his cases.

Despite Jason and Dick no longer living in the Manor, Bruce would likely be the one to spend the least time with you. However, he's not neglecting you. He makes a conscious effort to rearrange his busy schedule, keeps certain days free every week, and meticulously plans time for some quality family bonding. Even if the quality time in question only consists of him quietly sitting in your vicinity, sipping on some freshly made tea while reading the newspaper, he cherishes every moment that he gets to share with you. Simply being near you is enough. Because you're his child, and he's not planning on fucking that up ever again.

[brynn-lear]

When Cuckoos Throw Ores [Yandere!Jing Yuan x Reader]

Questionable Overview: After transmigrating to Teyvat, you and Jing Yuan had lived like family on your shared apartment as getting-by descenders. But, you made an error too grave. You hid the anonymous love letters you received from the person you should’ve trusted the most— and now you’ve got yourself a broken mind. [Fic written for May June]

CWs/tags: yandere themes, isekai, moments where you wish Jing Yuan just committed murder instead so it would hurt less, mentions of failed childbirth, nadia & vlad are adorable, implied hysteria, cute n' wholesome beginning w/ found family to "man... man.", gaslighting gatekeep is JY's passion.

"I'm an adult, Jing Yuan! I think I have the right to leave as I please."

Have you ever been so incredibly fascinated by such a mundane object that all worldly noise drowns?

"The right to trample on my heart? To leave me to drown in my despair while you obsess over a single ore without a single thought for me? I must say, it doesn’t seem very sound. Stay put while I call for Doctor Baizhu."

Have you ever had your hand reach out ever so slightly without you realizing such? For your fingers to curl— for you to seize a trinket as though you were compelled by an existence— an idea higher than any mortal comprehension? As though it was fate? As though it was a fruit you weren't meant to take a bite off?

But the most mundane of all…

"There’s no need! Because great General and Emanator of the Hunt Jing Yuan—"

Have you ever lamented a life that "never" happened?

"— I have the right to mourn the happy ending you took from me!"

Though those uninitiated will rehash the root of events in your arrival to the chasm, the most knowledgeable would start the accounts from your arrival to Teyvat.

You did not step foot alone.

When your worldline was destroyed, so, too, was Jing Yuan's. 

Lady Ningguang greeted you both with a good measure of skepticism. You were both "descenders.", though it was soon made evident that your origins are different. He was from "Xianzhou Loufu," and you were from "Earth."  Course, despite your shared tragic circumstances, not everything shall be handed on a silver platter for unfortunate souls. Ningguang was kind enough to provide you both with a shared apartment complex near the fishing port and since then, you and Jing Yuan had a bond not so dissimilar from siblings. He got a job as a general, and your current position is a little more flexible than your previous one.

Whatever principles and studies were available in the previous realms you lived in, they were carried over in Teyvat. Each word circulating about Jing Yuan’s undefeated sword and lance techniques makes you smile; he, in turn, would enthusiastically applaud your sold artworks and STEM innovations. It makes you wholly embarrassed every time he makes what is supposed to be a celebration of his mission’s success into a congratulatory speech for what you’ve done in the same timeframe. Didn’t matter how minute it was. His comrades had already considered the long-standing tradition as a not-so-private joke.

His lack of personal praise worries you sometimes…

There’s a stark difference in your approach to this new life. You mourned for yours being gone; while he doesn’t speak much about his.

“No rush,” he'd say. “All truths shall reveal itself in due time.”

You know about his world, though vaguely. He has a striking resemblance to the character from Honkai: Star Rail. Course, that implies he had gone through similar ordeals as the character. 

“I am an old man, there is nothing for me to grieve.” He told you once. “I have… already witnessed comrades pass, and then some. Have you encountered the phrase: there are fates worse than death?”

Jing Yuan closed his eyes.

“I… find it easier to assume that it might be the only way to put old conflicts to rest.” He shook his head and downed his final shot of baijiu. Yuan sighed, tasting the aftermath in his breath.

“It’s better to put a permanence in death than another forced rebirth.”

He poured you a shot.

"Some memories are better left forgotten. And that applies to you, too."

Whatever he said felt untranslatable to you, hence, you gave up on making more inquiries. If the day comes and he wishes to open up, you'll be there for him anyway.

Or so you thought.

“Heard you’re planning to add another medal to your jacket.” 

Jing Yuan nearly halted from tying his long hair up. You watched his shoulders tremble, likely from trying to compose himself.

“Ha! You've heard a half-truth, I wasn't scheming on anything, it was merely handed to me.” His tone was calm, but you heard the well-hidden smugness.

You shrugged and sipped your coffee nonchalantly. 

… You seriously wish his uniform didn't hug his form that good. Just staring at him makes the room feel degrees hotter. 

You cleared your throat.

“I didn't say anything about schemes, Jing Yuan. Suspicious.”

“Oh?” He hummed, almost sultry for your ears.

…Curse him and his damn beatific smiles.

This playful banter is as natural as the dawn of day. Rather than spending the early morning getting ready for the day, you've both grown accustomed to teasing the other person. He, in his finely ironed uniform, and you, in your comfy pajamas. 

“Since when have I besmirched my name by squandering time? Rude of you to imply that slothfulness rules over my life.” Jing Yuan joked before he moved another piece. “You wound me, dear (Y/n).”

Due to the nature of the conversation, you hadn't thought of your next move much as you continued to probe him. “And what exactly are you doing right now instead of reporting to the Qixing, General?”

He smirked. “I am on-duty, am I not?”

“By talking to me?”

“I have been bound by mundane duties in both my past and current lives, and I must say, engaging with a Person of Interest such as yourself has not only been productive but also mentally stimulating.”

You paused. 

Person of Interest…?

Might as well curse him and his fancy cursive way of implying something too. 

Your nose scrunched. “Are you saying I'M on the Qixing’s watchlist?!—”

“Not in a bad light; don’t worry your pretty head over such menial matters,” he ruffled your hair as he craned over, gazing at your disgruntled morning expression with a loving vigor. “They have an eye for your talent. No Ministry would ever obsess over a clean criminal record.”

You grumbled as you attempted to fix your hair, despite lacking any energy. “Thanks, that calms me down. Especially with the talks about criminal activity on the rise and all.”

He laughed at your snarkiness.

“Is this your best attempt at prying information? I must say, your current occupation suits you. I can now place a finger as to why the thought of Lady Ningguang hiring you as a profiler put me in tremendous unease.”

“Oh don’t be a prick, Yuan.” You chuckled heartily as you gave him a playful slap— which he no doubt avoided. “But seriously, can’t you tell me more about what’s happening?”

There were no further words needed. Such rumors had been on the forefront of the people’s minds: a group of rogue “mercenaries” had found new temptations in banditry— and had the nerve to stew misfortunes on the main harbor itself. As a newly enforced general, Jing Yuan had, of course, been subjected to handling this situation under the ever-watchful gaze of the Qixing. A challenge, as he likes to label it. Whatever helps him sleep at night, you’d reply.

Although, it would certainly soothe YOUR insomnia better if he were to divulge even a hair-sliver of detail in regards to how “safe” this mission truly was.

“(Y/n), there is no cause for concern.” He pulled back, placing his hands on your shoulders. “You know my repertoire— else I wouldn’t consider you a close friend.”

Your heart ached for a second.

In small snippets from the multiple conversations you’ve had with him, you knew he kept his list of close friends few. There’s always a hint of guilt in his voice when he talks about those named Baiheng, Jingliu, Yingxing, and Dan Feng in passing. 

“And I’m just worrying over you,” you lightheartedly glared and waved your hand dismissively. “You know, like a real close friend.”

You both grinned in unison as if telling each other that neither would back down from this “argument” any time soon. He snorted and messed your hair up more. Over the time you’ve spent in each other’s company, your near-telepathic way of conversing has become quite an eerie issue for other mutual friendships. 

Not that either of you minded this. It’s always nice to be understood. 

“I know that look in your eye. Don’t add a part two from last night’s horror stories, please.”

“Then, I’ll take my leave,” he buttoned his jacket. “Last reminder before I go: you have arranged a meeting with Nadia this afternoon.”

“Thanks,” you huffed. “But unlike you, I don’t sleep in and forget my schedule.”

You swore that even after the door was closed, you heard him chuckle yet again. After that, he was gone.

Honestly, with someone with a “life-loving” temperament like him, you’re unsure if he’s easy to please— or too damn good at faking it for his good.

You heard soft knocks against your window.

Slowly, a grin forms on your lips.

“Hello, little man…” You cooed as you stood up and opened for not only the fresh Liyue morning breeze to enter…

But for a diligent little cuckoo bird to deliver its very special package as well.

You’ve always had a soft spot for animals…

“Hmm?”

Your eyes softened as it dropped its parcel and leaned its body against you, warming itself by sitting cozily on your window ledge. This little bird is quite the skilled messenger— always dropping by as soon as Jing Yuan takes his leave. As to why it suspiciously arrives as soon as he is gone, you’re unsure. Such a sneaky creature; you can’t help but adore it.

That’s not to say its deliveries are not as equally charming.

You chuckled as you elegantly unwrapped the ribbon. The letter was elegantly written in a scrawl you’ve familiarized even with eyes closed for the past months, yet it still holds an intensity that makes your heart flutter. 

There it was. The two words that keep you going better than any coffee brew.

“My dearest, (Y/n),….”

“Another letter from Vlad, I’d hope?” You sneaked from behind.

Nadia yelped, hitting you almost immediately. The delay was surely from being on a lovelorn cloud-nine, but her Fatui training that earned her last name definitely should’ve made you double-think.

You shriveled at the pain and she awkwardly cradled you.

“Oh shucks— I’m so sorry, (Y/n)! I-I didn’t realize it was y-y— Don’t scare me like that!” 

“Sorry! Sorry!” You hissed, blaming only yourself for the stinging aftermath. “I-I’ll get over it.”

Nadia guided you to the empty seat beside her. As soon as you were seated, she wasted no time to spill.

“The contents were far too adorable for my heart, oh, dear Tsaritsa, you NEED to read this.” 

An eyebrow was raised. Saying you had a suspicion that something like this would happen would be an understatement— when it came to Nadia, it was more like routine. It had been regular for you and her to get together at least once a month to chat over letters that you both received. Nothing about the time you spent with her was dull. She's the reason you adapted to the Liyue way of life so well. As you were both foreign to the culture— you and Jing Yuan are admittedly the extreme cases— you and her were eager to recount experiences in times of distress. And times of pure unbridled lovesick joy, such as this.

“C’mon, pass it.” You tried to say cooly, but the glimmer in your eyes betrayed your high school-like excitement.

“Same time.” Nadia huffed. "Can't have you gatekeeping your own letter!"

You pulled out yours from your purse.

Nadia wasn’t the only one with something to present to the class. This is just like a teacher forcing students to read their discreetly passed notes out loud. 

Nadia has her Vlad.

You have your Nay Jung I.

Instantly, you both suppressed a giggle in the abrupt exchange.

Nay Jung I. You know little about him, and that intrigue keeps the fire going. When you see a white cuckoo passing by the window, you immediately know it means well. A sight that makes your heart skip a beat. Instead of pushing eggs, it slips a love letter whenever Jing Yuan isn’t around. All coming from a man you can’t track down.

That’s right.

You have a secret admirer.

As you read through the middle of Vlad’s letter for Nadia, you heard your very-much-an-adult friend bite back a squeal in front of you. Nay Jung I may sound like a feminine name, but he was a man. You could’ve sworn you saw Xiangling laugh from the corner of your eye as Nadia tugged your sleeve around like a fool.

“Oh my God?! He wrote that?!” Her lips were akin to wobbly lines toddlers would draw when mimicking the sun’s rays. 

“I find myself constantly catching glimpses of you in my daydreams, my mind flooded with what could be— what should be. Forgive me for my selfishness, but I fear it won’t take long before I can no longer bear the thought of being without you… What?! That’s so SWEET?!” Nadia clutched your love letter tightly, eyes wide as though she was the recipient.

Xiangling, bless her soul, had to peek behind her.

“I wish I could have the courage to reveal myself to you. When I doubt myself, my thoughts turn to you… Aww… I wonder who Mister Nay is and what did you do to get him this in love?” Xiangling playfully pouted, which made Nadia grin wider, almost teasing her. “Geez. When will I get a boy to send me letters?”

“I’m sure you’re going to get one or two someday. A way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, right?” Nadia shrugged as she folded the paper and hid it. “Plus, I fear you’re too young for this.”

“Careful, Dia, she’s the one preparing our food.” You joked.

Nadia has grown more friendly to locals for the better since you started sharing meals here. Everyone knows the feelings between her and Vlad were mutual— but neither of them was willing to confess. With Nadia hoping he initiates, and him densely hesitant on whether she reciprocates. One of them can end this phase should they abandon pride or cowardice.

But Nay Jung I?

You can’t find his records anywhere… And he had told you that it is a fake name by your fourth letter, much to your chagrin.

So, you’ve settled with this arrangement. For now, you are both friends, despite knowing he has feelings for you from the start.

“Mister Nay definitely has it bad for you, Mx. (Y/n).” She gave you a closed-eyed smile. “You need to write back immediately! The man’s probably starving for it!— Oh, right, the pot!!!”

As the chef rushed back after being distracted, you gave Nadia’s letter back to her.

“Any chance of rain?” You asked.

“Cloudy with negative one percent chance that I’ll run to Northland Bank and confess to Vlad.” Nadia spoke sheepish;y.

“That’s at least five percent higher than yesterday.”

“Well, this last letter was adorable.” She swooned.

“Mx. (Y/n), you seem incredibly free at the moment, care to have a chat?”

You turned to look at the new person who joined in.

Fur coat, a distinct mole placement, a sharp haircut, and eyes self-assured enough to conceal their need for urgent assistance, it has to be none other than—

“Miss Yelan,” you gave her a polite smile. “To what do we owe the pleasure?”

Nadia sat up straight, shifting to her work mode. “Is there some business you require from the Northland Bank?”

“I have no quarry with you, Madam Nadia, what I do want—” Yelan tilted her head, her eyes calculating. “Is to speak to (Y/n) in private.”

You paused, recalling the conversation you had this morning.

‘I have been bound by mundane duties in both my past and current lives, and I must say, engaging with a Person of Interest such as yourself has not only been productive but also mentally stimulating.’

Maybe this is what Jing Yuan was warning you about this morning.

“Fine, I concede.” You sighed, swiftly snatching your letter from Nadia’s hands and tucking it inside the pockets of your inner jacket.

“Lead me to where you most need me.”

Over the years you’ve spent on Liyue, you’ve had another habit you’ve been nursing on the sidelines.

Epigraphy.

Better yet, it’s for the sole purpose of decoding ancient artifacts. Before you were transmigrated into Teyvat, you found that inspecting artifact descriptions and reading through lore strewn in notes and dialogues were a great part of what made playing Genshin Impact enjoyable. You devoured theories whether they were from YouTubers like Ashikai or other CCs who were eager to unravel and analyze myths from different civilizations. To be inside THE sandbox was the greatest treat. If your friends were here, you have no doubt you’d have plenty who’d look and try to pick apart Mister Zhongli’s brain.

Unfortunately, you never managed to catch his eye.

And the biggest misfortune of all, you caught Miss Yelan’s instead.

“It’ll take me a few weeks to decipher and solve this puzzle…” You told her hesitantly. “And I can’t guarantee anything either.”

Yelan only tilted her head. Strands of her hair hid her expression, and the only body language to be read was the way she played with the die on her fingers. You wondered if she was deciding your fate by giving it a roll…

You looked at the inscribed walls.

A man with horns… and his partner wearing a long hanfu… His partner… Reminds you of a beautiful cuckoo bird.

You sighed.

When she bargained for a chat in “private”, the Chasm was the last location you had in mind. Even more, it did not occur to you that she aimed to use you as a translator. For a language you only learned a few years ago.

You knew you couldn’t exactly deny a member of the Qixing, especially with how much you carried a moral debt for Lady Ningguang, so you agreed under the condition that Yelan wouldn’t snitch to Jing Yuan.

He might just give you the silent treatment if he found out you were here.

But back on the walls and the puzzle mechanism in the middle of the room…

Both were seated under the shade of a tree… 

Each holding a cup of tea…

“Damn it, why me?” You cussed out loud.

You seriously want to tell her that she should’ve chosen Zhongli. 

Not that you’d know that Yanfei begged Yelan to hire you for the job.

Yelan made her dice vanish. “If you need further assistance, and by that I meant necessities such as food and water, call for Wenyuan or Shanghua. They’ll materialize right in front of you.”

On the next wall, the horned man tightly held his partner, with tears falling from his eyes… His tail was more apparent in this depiction, but there were crystallized ambers and statues all around…

Like they were running…

Away from him…

You faced Yelan.

“Yelan, can’t you call for someone else—”

You blinked.

She was gone.

You don’t like being here.

You don’t like this cave.

You’re not sure whether you liked the fact Yelan invited you here. On one hand, you were grateful for the opportunity, but at the same time, you thought yourself unqualified for whatever piece of ancient Liyuean history was waiting to bite you in the ass. 

It didn’t take a genius to know that whoever the drawn man was, he was a force to be reckoned with. You played enough Genshin to know that yakshas are not to be trifled. If this ended up as an Azhdaha scenario, you wouldn’t want to be the nameless NPC who died along the way.

Should’ve commissioned the traveler.

As you progressed in your decoding, the texts were beginning to gnaw you. 

“Have you heard the tale of Lady ███ ███?”

You trembled at the thought.

Curse Jing Yuan and his ghost stories.

The story wasn’t even that frightening.

What got you was how Jing Yuan sold them. He had preached it as though he had been a witness. It’s just a typical unnerving tale to keep children alert, but he had always been far more persuasive than you.

“When she and her husband were out exploring, her husband left her while she sired his heir. He left her there to die.”

Jing Yuan’s eyes narrowed. You quietly applauded his commitment to the bit. Should you not know any better, you would’ve thought he hated that man more than anything.

Like he was seething with jealousy.

“Some claim he hid her there to fight for a war, some say it was out of love… In my eyes, it was an unforgivable neglect.”

Jing Yuan claims sharing ghost stories was a common occurrence from when he used to teach his disciple. But you’re not an idiot. You can sniff out a reason why he loves to bring these stupid tales.

“Days felt like a prison tally. She had forgotten what it felt to live in the sun.”

“She lived only by fulfilling basic needs. No matter how thick the mud was, no matter what was within the soil— all she could do was bitterly swallow what was to come. She bit her tongue on the ever-growing famine— and wished that her child would survive.”

Jing Yuan does not want you anywhere near the chasm.

“So when it was time to give birth, she had no assistance. She pushed her child out as hard as she could, and laid an empty egg.”

Before you could even ask why a human would lay an egg, Jing Yuan continued.

“But they both passed away.” 

“Legends say, that’s the reason why the lumenstone ore glows. It contains the watchful gaze of a scorned mother and unborn child…”

“And if you aren’t careful, you too—”

“Could be trapped inside it.” 

You scoffed.

Was the tale stupid? Depends on who you ask. Was it sad? Sorta. Was the thought of two ghosts— possibly more— watching you as you were forcibly dispatched to read through The Chasm’s secrets terrifying? Given the dark and brooding atmosphere, it was a quiet yes.

“Hmm? I— I solved it…?”

You blinked.

Maybe you still retained your skills as a Genshin player. Anything for a luxurious chest is what you would’ve said. And yet, it still baffled you that one did appear.

When you unlocked it, you saw no “primogem” like you quietly hoped (it would be funny if you unlocked a wish function, but that’s unlikely…)

Instead, you found a dusty ore.

“Great.” You muttered dryly. “Just what I needed.”

It was amber in color, same as the clothes the man wore in the wall paintings. You’re at a loss on how you should report this to Yelan.

“Better than nothing.” You spoke, laughing slightly. That sounded like something Diluc would say. You should buy a dandelion wine after this hard work.

Quickly, you fished out the gloves in your pockets. It was made of nitrile, which should protect the ore from possible oil and moisture from your hands. Yelan was very insistent you wear it.

But as soon as you touched the ore…

Your consciousness slipped away.

There was a man in front of you.

But you couldn’t see his face. 

“Dearest ███ ███…” The horned man smiled delicately as he sipped his tea. “It has been centuries since our first wedding ceremony. Do be honest with me, do you still hold the same passion as before.”

These memories appear to you in a blur.

“No, I do not.” You heard your voice say as the man’s shoulders slowly deflated. His amber eyes looked down, and his smile began to strain.

With two fingers, you lifted his chin.

“If anything, my love for you has grown stronger,” you spoke. “For you and I shall never let our draconic instincts dull, and our union will be the greatest treasure we shall hoard in this never-ending flow of time.”

“…/n…!”

One hand took his scaley hand and the other held his cheek, caressing softly.

“Promise you shall return?” You heard yourself mutter, this time weak and hopeless.

He leaned against your palm, purring as though it might be the last time he’ll savor your warmth.

“You know I do not make promises, ███ ███.” He spoke firmly. “What I keep are contracts. And I have vowed to make you happy, for as long as I live.”

“…(Y… (Y/n…. snap… out…!”

“Contracts normally sound so cold, but your honeyed voice makes it sound so romantic.”

“You know well, my love, in all my years, I’ve witnessed endless contracts and agreements. Whether it was tangible or verbal— each one was a significant chapter to someone’s life.”

The horned man softly detangled your fingers from his long brown hair and kissed your hand.

“But only one brought forth complete change. Our matrimonial agreement. The contract we signed gave me the most happiness. I’ve never signed a happier contract than this one.”

“And I share the same sentiment.” You cooed, almost cheeky. “And I hope our future child shall feel our love as well.”

He rested his head on your shoulder and sighed.

“The day shall come, my love.” He spoke. “Just wait for me, until I fulfilled what the Heavenly Principles desires.”

“Of course,” you hugged him back. 

“I shall wait for you, my dearest…

“(Y/N)!!!”

You flinched.

Suddenly, you’re not in the mountains. You’re not hiding under the shade of a tree with warm-hued leaves. You were…

You were sitting on a patch of grass, just outside the chasm.

And Jing Yuan is mad.

He had a cold unmerciful glare. His built frame towered above you, casting a large shadow. It was already nighttime. Normally, only the moonlight and the lamps from afar should be the only source of light here, but his golden eyes seemed to glow. As though it was ready to call forth an entity you were not prepared to face.

You know the depths of his anger. Years of living inseparable from him has made every communication almost telepathic and that hadn’t changed. You can read it in his breaths, in his stiff and tall posture, in his unnerving gaze.

He is threatening you to spill. Saying without words that:

There are fates worse than death.

But your pulse was steady. But your breathing was calm. But your expression was blank.

You weren’t terrified.

And you can read that deep down, that scared the General more.

“Nay Jung I…”

For a moment, Jing Yuan’s eyes widened— as though there was something he was the only one privy to knowing. His face had a mix of surprise and disbelief before he steeled himself.

“Nay Jung I?” He scoffed. 

“What of him?” Jing Yuan asked.

“He’s my soulmate.”

As soon as those words left your mouth, brief incoherent syllables sputtered out of his mouth. You evoked more emotions in him this time around. You saw flashes of shock, what seemed to be happiness, hope, and then utter confusion.

“...What?”

“I saw him.” You said, calm. “I saw him as soon as I touched that rock. My soulmate— he had long hair and eyes like a dragon— I think he was a dragon, and so was I. I think my soulmate is in Liyue and he’s hiding behind the name Nay Jung I.”

Jing Yuan opened his mouth, before thinning his lips.

This time, you were certain.

He was not only mad. Jing Yuan was sorely disappointed.

“I understand…” 

You know the expression on his face. You read him like a discipline you mastered in epigraphy. He thinks that… 

You have gone “cuckoo.”

He turned around, no longer facing you.

“I’m sorry then, (Y/n).” 

Jing Yuan does not sound sorry to you.

“What for?”

There was silence for a moment, before he spoke again, voice bitter and vile.

He was not sorry.

He was furious.

He was hurt.

He was jealous.

“Nay Jung I is the leader behind the past terrorist attacks.” He paused. “And I killed him.”

You haven’t recovered ever since.

Every medical “professional” you’ve encountered told you that you were hysterical. That you just hallucinated what you saw. It isn’t possible that the visions you saw were Nay Jung I anyway. 

Maybe they were right about the last part, you don’t want to believe it. 

It was in your instincts. That man had to be your husband in the past. Who cares if you came from another world? Maybe you were an Expy. You had to be. That person— the one who reminded you of a cuckoo bird in those walls— had to be you in another universe. 

It had to be.

Your real soulmate is out there.

And Nay Jung I isn’t dead.

But you’ve never been good at persuading others.

Soyourefusetobelieveityourefusetobelieveityourefusetobelieveityourefusetobelieveityourefusetobelieveityourefusetobelieveityourefusetobelieveityourefusetobelieveityourefusetobelieveityourefusetobelieveityourefusetobelieveityourefusetobelieveityourefusetobelieveityourefusetobelieveityourefusetobelieveityourefusetobelieveityourefusetobelieveityourefusetobelieveit—

“General Jing Yuan, is (Y/n)…?”

Outside the apartment, Mister Zhongli and Jing Yuan stood by the window, peaking at your form. You were so engrossed by your inner conflicts that you couldn’t hear them.

“They’ll… move on from you, eventually.” Jing Yuan spat back coldly. “I’m not the God of Contracts, but I keep promises that do not fail.”

Zhongli’s face crumpled in anguish.

“May I ask a question? Just to sate a bit of curiosity, of course.”

Jing Yuan’s eyes narrowed. Zhongli took that as a yes.

“Are you Nay Jung I?” He asked. “I did not see his name on the list of the deceased criminals—”

“Yes, he and I are the same,” Jing Yuan silenced him. “Nay Jung I is an anagram of Jing Yuan. You can reorder the letters and confirm it for yourself.”

Originally, Jing Yuan had hoped to woo you with a romantic tale of an anonymous admirer. But, in your delirium, you had mistakenly believed that Nay Jung I was the same man in your visions. 

It was repulsive.

Never before had he wished to scream so loudly. He had not felt this much anger when he discovered the crimes his old friends had done. He had not felt as betrayed as when you claimed love for Nay Jung I, but it was not him.

He wanted to summon the Lightning Lord to destroy Liyue right then and there.

It was a frustration he had never felt before. Not when he was training with Jingliu. Not when he was scolding Yanqing. Not ever.

But Jing Yuan was not an impulsive man.

He prides his patience.

He prefers to scheme quietly rather than flashing bold moves.

Jing Yuan sucked in a breath between his teeth. 

“I suppose it’s my turn to ask.”

He shut the windows and Zhongli’s heart ached as he could no longer see you.

But then he turned to look at Jing Yuan.

And he knew…

Jing Yuan is much older and wiser than he looks.

“Tell me, Rex Lapis,” he spoke sharply. “Did you wed this world’s version of (Y/n) (L/n) and leave her and her child to die?”

…

…

…

That silence was enough.

Jing Yuan’s private investigations behind your back were right.

In the vast “multi-verse”, there is a version of you that married this dragon who descended from his Archon status.

“I... have wrought upon them great suffering. I am unworthy of their affections. Should a day come where (Y/n) enacts the fury of my wife and child on their behalf, it will be justly deserved.”

Zhongli did not further elaborate.

Whatever happened in the past, it still haunted him to this day. Lingering in the back of his mind, dulling his self-confidence and wits. Maybe it’s why Yanfei thought you should investigate the cave. Maybe she wanted the alternate version of ███ ███ to come back.

But she's gone.

Jing Yuan took a step closer.

“Your wife is dead, Rex Lapis. They are my (Y/n), not yours.”

“I-… I know.” Zhongli— no— Morax spoke, voice laced with grief. “I know she and (Y/n) are not the same, however, I…”

Another step.

“If you wish for their happiness, you will continue to not speak to them. You have done enough damage.”

Morax closed his eyes mournfully. “I am well aware of this”

Another step.

“Let me take care of (Y/n). Let me make them happy.”

And another.

Jing Yuan stared deep into Morax’s soul.

In all his years of living, it didn’t occur to Morax that he’d find another familiar cuckoo again.

But it wasn’t his wife.

Jing Yuan took another step.

This man in front of him was pushing and pushing…

“Let this conversation be a verbal contract,” he said. “That I, Jing Yuan, vow to make (Y/n) happy, and that you, Rex Lapis, shall step down as a final way to atone your sins of uxoricide and filicide. Do you accept?”

Like a cuckoo throwing an egg off the nest.

Forgive me, dearest ███ ███.

I am unworthy of you, let alone this alternate incarnation of yourself.

Morax inhaled deeply. He remains in his head, yet he can't escape the present. The more time he spent searching inside himself for solutions over his approximately 6000 years in Teyvat, the more evident it became what the sensible path of action was. With open eyes, Morax welcomed the return of the present. He observed the vivid hues of existence. In the vicinity, he heard Jing Yuan's pet cuckoo bird. But most of all, he felt his age.

Whatever time was appropriate to dream of a family— it had long passed him.

I am but an old man who deserves to fade away quietly.

And he…

Has the same vigor Morax once had.

That obsessed look.

That tight, suffocating hold.

Just like staring at a reflection of himself, centuries passed.

Jing Yuan, too, was a man depraved. Worse, he is a man who lost everything, clinging only to (Y/n) as his only solace in Teyvat.

Morax noticed the way Jing Yuan took a walk with you, with one arm draping around your shoulder to ward off those he deemed unwanted.

Morax noticed the way Jing Yuan brags about you with his men in each available opportunity, socially claiming you his.

Morax noticed the way Jing Yuan glares at someone who got too close when he thought you weren’t looking, pushing suitors away.

Morax noticed the way Jing Yuan rarely talks about his story and would rather talk about something you had done, making you a large part of himself.

Morax noticed the way Jing Yuan only cares about you, and not even a sliver for himself.

He would rather not see him destroy himself the way he had done long ago.

And just like that, the General got rid of his greatest rival— Liyue’s archon and your husband from another life.

He is out of the nest.

“I accept.”

May June can now message Jing Yuan

[guttersnarls]

“That song is written as a love letter from former band leader Papa Nihil to Sister Imperator in 1969 – that’s how it connects into the lore. The message is that there’s a great lesson lost if you look at what is going on in the world now and what took us here. The ending credit is a montage of atrocities happening from 1969 to modern day. Depending on your viewpoint, you might say it’s tasteless and horrific. Yeah, it’s really horrific, but it’s there to remind you that if you’re lucky enough to experience this film in the cinema, you’re pretty well off. You’re one of the lucky ones and you should enjoy life, embrace it and do everything in your power to make life better for you and everyone you know. But remember the cost that it took for mankind in the past 55 years to get here and the sort of shit that we put each other through fighting for what we believe is a better world. It’s meant to make you feel thankful somehow that we can laugh at certain things and be at a fictional rock concert in this world.”- Tobias Forge (June 20th 2024 NME)

[lets-try-some-writing]

Considering family for Cybertronians is important stuff like child support, daddy/mommy issues and whatnot would be confusing to them

Cons: We have your husband

June: You can keep him.

Bots: June??

June: And if you could would you please scare him into paying child support?

Bots,cons: ???

Oh yeah it would be confusing. Cybertronians have convoluted and complicated relationships, but let it not be said that they fail to be organized. A family on Cybertron can be anything from the Conjunxed couple and their wards to a collection of mecha related purely through paperwork, or perhaps not even through offical means. Whatever the case, Cybertronians make it a point to know their relatives when possible and to support one another if able. Regardless of the situation, if you are family, you are obliged to follow certain standards.

Any Cybertronian involved in the forging, raising, or mentoring of a newspark must be there in some capacity. Unlike humans, simple caste sharing and funding is more than enough in most circumstances. Strictly speaking, a Cybertronian doesn't even need parents, just a familial unit of some sort and a sponsor to ensure that newsparks are taken care of. Family units are loose, but the rules are not. Even Whirl would be morally obliged to at least turn up once and a while with either payment or wisdom to share with any newspark he helped create or got himself involved with as a mentor. It is not even a question on Cybertron. The scummiest mechs still know the rules, and generally speaking, it is in the best interest of all parties to follow the rules of sponsorship.

The larger the family, the more resources one theoretically has to call upon. Hence the interest in taking care of one's line. Humans though? Considering they are not functionally immortal and are not given the great equalizer that is in built weaponry, the rules are all but nonexistent. Children do not always have the power to get back at parents, and parents generally do not have as great an investment in their offspring since any offspring are not likely to bring back investment in a reasonable time frame, at least by Cybertronian standards.

The Cybertronians on Earth simply do not understand the plethora of broken homes amongst humanity. Even Megatron, while largely uncaring of the fleshies, is a tad confused when it comes to the lack of fathers or mothers in homes. Children murdering parents isn't anything new. Cybertron wasn't much better once one got into the higher castes. But parents abandoning their young? That's new. It was a code of honor on Cybertron for a mentor or caretaker to do everything their power to at least make an attempt to provide.

Jack's situation in particular gained the collective confusion of Bots and Cons alike. How could a Sire abandon his creation? Entirely too. It was strange. So strange in fact that Shockwave was momentarily interested in possibly testing the resiliance of the human family structure since, according to his assessment, some family units matched Cybertronian ones in strength where others were all but nonexistent.

It was nigh on culturally impossible to fully comprehend. The Cybertronian family is a messy thing, but even for the functionally immortal, there are rules.

Optimus: Your Sire left you? Without a word?

Jack: Yeah. Dad left when I was young and hasn't come home since.

Arcee: No financial aid? No instructional holovids? Nothing?

Jack: Nope. Haven't heard from him since I was little.

Ratchet: That's ridiculous! Your Sire should not have been given a warrant to engage in any mentorship, much less creation!

June: You can say that again.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Someone New 5

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include angst, pining, romcom tropes, and some darker elements later in the series. Some triggers may not be specifically tagged. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This fic will contain explicit content. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You’ve had a crush on your best friend for years, but you’re slapped in the face with reality when he takes things to the next level with his girlfriend.

Characters: Steve Rogers, Thor

Note: Tuesday! Ugh.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

It’s nearly midnight in Norway by the time you’re free of the airport. The train station isn’t far; it’s part of the airport. You wait on a bench between the rails as your boarding is two hours away. You sit with your luggage and mope. This new land only adds to the gloom clinging to you. 

You shiver as a draft flows down the tunnel. Not only is grey and grim, but it’s cold. It’s almost June but the weather is more akin to the cusp of winter and spring back home.  

Your weeks of research couldn’t prepare you for the real things. All that anticipation could never compare to that moment of desolation; alone in this far land, away from everything you knew. Everything around you is new and foreign and unwelcoming. 

When the train pulls up, you wait in queue with the other passengers. Some are native, speaking in lilted English or indecipherable Norwegian. Duolingo hasn’t done much for you as you catch only scraps of pronouns and verbs. Others are new arrivals like yourself but they seem much more certain of themselves. You feel utterly lost. 

You show your ticket and board. You tuck your bag away with the larger pieces kept at the front of the carriage and hug your carry-on in your lap. You stare out the window as the train begins to roll on the tracks, screeching as it pulls out into the black night of this strange land. 

The subtle rumble of the locomotive lulls you into a half-sleep. Your head is wrought with the ache of your building hangover and twisted visions of the life left behind. You hear Steve’s final goodbye, you feel the hug that was snugger on your end than his, and you feel the razor of Peggy’s spiteful eye. Even in a stupour, you can’t forget it. You hope Sam is right and that it will fade with time, yet you fear it might all be gone for good. 

You wake as the automated voice announces your stop as the next one. You sit up and rub the sleep from your eyes. You’re trying to be optimistic. Just focus on work. That’s what this is all about. Everyone keeps saying it and you haven’t heard any of them. This is a great opportunity. What you’ve been hoping for all these years. How did you forget that?  

You disembark and drag your bag behind your heavy feet. You’re exhausted but you still have a trek to go. Everything looks so different than back home. Small differences but enough to reinforce your displacement. 

You find the rental car kiosk at the other end of the station and show your reservation. Work is paying for that too. Apparently, you’ll need it to get to the site. Another harbinger of desolation. 

You hook up your phone to the built-in bluetooth and tap the address already saved in your maps. The app takes a moment to recenter and finally, you’re off. You wonder if you should even be driving. You’re definitely not drunk anymore but you’re barely awake. 

It’s only an hours ride across the city, just along the ridges that look off onto the coast. It’s beautiful. You can see that even through your melancholy.  

The morning rises as you get your key to the blue paneled townhouse. You should try to stay up to reset your clock but you’re jet lagged to the bone. The moment the door is locked, you let your bags fall to the floor and stumble through to the first piece of furniture you see. You collapse face first onto the couch, unable to feel the impact as you plummet into a deep sleep. 

Time, space, and all your pain disappears. There is only the endless void of fatigue. Your mind is too tired to summon nightmares or nonsensical visions. Your body is so drained that even your brain is empty. 

You wake on your arm, fingers tingling painfully as your shoulder muscles burn. You hiss and sit up. The bend of your fingers and a shaky attempt to move your elbow make you whine. Ugh. You rub feeling back into the limb as you lean against the back of the couch. 

You look around, finally able to take it all in. The house is neat and sleek. White plaster and pale wood finishes. The couch you sit on is a sectional and there’s a match ottoman across from you. The TV mounted on the wall reflects the shadow of the archway behind you and the tall lamp in the corner and the stone and marble ornaments. 

You rise, wobbling on your legs, and put your arms out to get your bearings. You meander through the townhouse. You can hardly admire the furnished interior as it underlines your loneliness. All this space for just you. 

There’s a kitchen at the rear of the house, a large wooden island standing center to a fridge with a glass door and polished counters carved in granite. The tiles are pristinely placed diamonds in hexagons and a large window looks out into the rain-soaked yard. It’s night again, or maybe that’s what the daylight looks like here. 

Upstairs, there’s a bedroom and a bathroom. A full tub and separate shower, two sinks set into a sparkling counter, and a wall of mirrors above them. It truly is a dream but why doesn’t it feel like it? 

You amble down stairs and fish out your phone. The battery is at eight percent. You have several texts. All from Sam. You only remember then why you don’t see any from Steve. No, you won’t check. 

You quickly type that you’ve landed safely and set the cell down. You’ll let it die before you plug back in. You need time. You need to get yourself straight. You need to accept that this is all real. You made this choice.  

You’re starting over. It’s a new life and there’s no room for your heart here. 

💟

You have the night to unpack, more than just your luggage. Still, there are things you can’t let out. Not yet. As much as the blade twists in your chest, taking it out will mean a deluge you can’t quell. For now, you just won’t think about it. 

You sleep a few more hours and wake just before six. You have your bag ready to go for the day. You tie on your boots and pull on a lined jacket before braving the Norwegian summer. You lock the door behind you and yawn into the brisk air. 

Before you head for the site, you stop at a cafe you see along the way. You get an egg biscuit and a coffee with extra espresso. You’re sure to add on a snack to eat between your work. 

You drive towards the greater mountains and turn onto the road that angles up the side. You follow the curved ledge as the GPS guides you through the car speakers. The drive is two hours up, maybe a bit quicker on the way down. Suddenly, a ping sounds from the system and you glance at the screen; ‘signal lost’. Shoot. It’s okay. You think you’re almost there. 

You pull over, not that there’s much space to do so. You have the physical maps you’ll use for the work itself. You find yourself amid the lines and symbols and memorise the path forward. You continue on cautiously, reassured as you’re met with a sign that delineates the site. The plot has already been closed off with a fence. 

‘Grant land. No trespassing.’ 

You park just outside the fencing and grab your bag and your breakfast. You sit on the hood and eat as you look over the muddy site. You read the grant report. It’s here they think there was a settlement. Not a very big one but an important one.  

The rock wall hugs the site in an almost perfect basin as the slick land is barren of almost any growth. You’ll start with gridding it all out, both with string and on paper. You clap your hands off and get up to begin. The process will keep your distracted. 

You put your earbud in and set to task. You pause to sip coffee and mark the paper between planting the stakes and the string the twine to divvy it all up in squares. You watch where you put each step, the mud sucking at your treads. A wet site is never an easy one. 

It takes the first day just to prep for digging and you don’t even think you’re done. You’re tired and achy and ready to go home. It’ll take you nearly three hours back by your guess. The night will be a short one as you figure you’ll need to head out earlier, especially if you hope to take advantage of the fleeting sunlight. 

As you get back to the townhouse, it’s night again. You walk down to a fish restaurant just a block away. The faces are friendly and the food is good, but it all seems so bland. You eat and go back to your accommodation. Not home, just a place to lay your head. 

You check your phone. Back amid the world of the living, you have a dozen messages; Sam, Bucky, your mom, Arturo. You respond to each of them in turn, assuring them that all is well. You don’t have the energy for much more. 

Yet it isn’t up to you. Your phone chimes at you as you near the bed, sitting on the edge as you answer. You know with Sam that ignoring him will only make him worse. 

“Hey,” you answer with an unrestrained yawn. 

“Yo, how ya feeling?” he asks. 

“Erm, tired,” you lean forward, crossing and arm over your knees. “How are things there?” 

“Eh, usual. So, uh, did that paradise punch knock you on your ass too or am I getting old?” He chuckles. 

“Heh, yeah, no I’m feeling it still,” you mutter. 

“Mm, it’s late there...” he says, “sorry, if I’m keeping you up.” 

“No, it’s fine. Just... a lot of driving.” 

“Oh? You worked today?” 

“Wanted to get a head start,” you shrug as you play with the fold of your pajamas across your knee. 

“How is it? Is it bleak? Cold? Are the men gruff?” 

“Uh, yeah, I guess. Grey. Bit chilly but it’s not bad around noon,” you say dully, “haven’t seen much of the locals. With how long it takes me to get up the mountain...” 

“Oh, a mountain,” he echoes enthusiastically, “that’s exciting.” 

“I guess. Eats away the day.” 

“I’m sure,” he agrees glumly, “hey, don’t forget to treat yourself. Take a weekend off and hit that spa.” 

“I will. I just got here.” 

“Well, we all miss you,” he says. “Bucky especially. We got in a huge blow out the other day over the string in his hoodie.” 

“Of course you did,” you can’t help but laugh. 

“Really, I didn’t do anything. I was trying to fix it and it just... slipped inside, I don’t know. I don’t think it was about the string,” he snickers. “Probably having to deal with Steve and his--” Sam stops himself, “sorry.” 

“What? No, it’s fine. Really. I came out here to get away but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t exist.” 

“I know but you’re tryna forget him. Like you should,” Sam insists. “And he’ll realise soon enough what he missed out on all these years. And you need to do the same. Go out, explore, enjoy it. You’ll need to have some good stories to bring back to us here, we’re dying of boredom without you.” 

“Yeah, uh, I’ll try,” you grumble, “anyway, I gotta head out early for the dig so I should let you go.” 

“Right, of course,” he agrees, “don’t be a stranger.” 

“I won’t. Promise.” 

“Night,” he says. 

You return a ‘good night’ and hang up. You toss your phone onto the pillow and heave as you clutch your head. You hate this. Why did you come all this way just to suffer? You should have just stuck it out. Sat on the sidelines like you always did and just swallow it all down. This is worse. Being so alone.  

There’s no going back. Not now. So you just need to get through this and after... after you’ll just have to face Mr. and Mrs. Rogers with a fake smile and broken heart. 

💟

The next week goes by much like your first days there. You wake up, drive up the mountain, plot, dig, clean up, and drive back. You sleep almost as soon as you sit down. You don’t have time to mull over what you left behind, not as you catalogue every bone and bead you come across. 

You check in with Arturo when you can, just to confirm that everything is going according to plan. Often, you’re asleep when anyone else calls. You wake up to notifications from your mom and Sam and even Bucky. You should call them back but you just can’t. You can’t put on a fake voice for them. Not yet. 

You take a day off. Only after Arturo insists. You know you should. You may as well have a proper grocery shop. You can’t keep living off the cafe and fish shop.  

The shop feels more like a market. You pick through produce and meats, and get what’s easy. You’ll cook it all and package it up so you can just heat it up later. Some muffins to eat on your way up the mountain and maybe a few protein bars. 

As you trawl the grocery store aisles, you pull out your phone. You have a pile of unread notifications from Insta. You don’t often check it anyway but your curious and a little homesick. 

You see your mom’s post about her trip to the vineyard with her book club pals and Sam’s story with a very agitated looking Bucky. That makes you laugh. You scroll by some crafting videos and the pages you follow of castle curators living your aspirational goals. 

Then you stop. You pull the cart still and go rigid as you stare at the screen. The image of Steve and Peggy burns into your retinas like a blinding light. It’s there engagement announcement. He has her in his arms, kissing her, as she holds out her hand to the camera to show off the diamond. 

You can’t breathe. Your chest is on fire and your ears are ringing. It’s like salt in the wound and you don’t doubt it's intentional, at least on Peggy’s part.  

Your hands shake as you grip the phone tightly and tap on Steve’s username. You ignore the rest of his profile and the pictures you know will only add to the turmoil brewing in your stomach. You hit the button in the corner and tap again and again. ‘You are about to block ‘starsnstripes18, are you sure’. Yes and yes! 

You lock the screen and drop the phone into your purse, nestled into the basket of the cart. You grasp the bar and push the cart forward, steadying your steps with it. You look between the shelves and exhale. 

You need to go cold turkey. No more Steve, no more Peggy, no more New York. You stood still so long, it feels good to run away from it all. 

[semperamans]

benny is back home n'he's missed you so much he may just have to fuck you over it!!!

warnings!!!!

benny is toxic! unprotected sex! benny is toxic! i didn't proof read it!!!! so there are probably so many mistakes!!!! n' this is LONG, so read at your own risk <3

despite its stillness, there is something deafening about the july air. there's nothing more to hear than night bird song as it falls over the slumbering city. gone are the rumbling engines on i-90 n'the chatter of women parading down the sidewalks. there are no babies gigglin', no ice cream trucks wailing, no sirens squwakin'. there's nothin' stirrin' in this humid night besides the rapid beat of your heart because, well, you shouldn't be here. you know that jus' as well as i do. you should be at home, sprawled beneath the ceiling fan, eyes closed, blissfully disconnected from the world, n'you're a good girl, so i'm sure that's what you would be doing had the shrill urgency of benny's call not woken you.

"hi baby," is what he breathed over the line, and despite the distance you could smell the jack daniels on his breath. "m'home." he had been home for a few days now. johnny had called you n'made you aware the second benny's wheels crossed the county line. and then you waited. and waited. and waited. and were your feelings hurt when benny didn't call? absolutely. by day three you were going insane. like mosquito-bitten legs, it was painfully hard to ignore the absence of his voice through the receiver. every purring engine had your head whipping 'round. every blonde head had your heart hammering, but it was never the right engine. never the right head. never benny. johnny'd tried to get you to come down to the clubhouse, but you didn't wanna look desperate (even though you were). it was just so hard to think about. all you could see in your mind's eye was benny splayed across a bar stool, lap empty, hand wrapped around a whiskey glass when it should've been around your throat.

"m'missin' you so much." you wouldn't have assumed he missed you much at all with how radio silent he'd been since leavin' over a month ago. your girls told you that if benny really cared he would make more of an effort - wouldn't run off whenever things other than his dick got hard - an' yeah, you knew this was likely true, but he was enigmatic and enticing and everything.

"wan' you to come see me."

you should've hung up the phone right then, but you didn't. and you definitely shouldn't've pulled a sleep shirt over your nightgown n'sneakers on your bare feet, but you did. now here you stand - peerin' up at benny's front door - tryin' to tell yourself it's all right. nothin' to be nervous over. but you were nervous, so you counted the steppin' stones - 14 - and then there he was.

he looked good, there was simply no denying it. when it was particularly hot, benny wore nothing beneath his colors n'tonight you could see his bare chest glistening with sweat from the glow of the porch light. moths and june bugs spun themselves dizzy 'round him, but he didn't flinch. his sights were set, smile wan and excited and focused on you.

"c'mere." benny's voice had a medicinal quality about it - you figured that out some time ago. his voice was a salve on sunburned skin. it was a cool mid-day rainstorm. it was enough to have your eyes flicking upward, your body moving forward, your mouth forming the shape of his name. "look at you," he practically purred. he seemed more coherent, which was great. you didn't like fuckin' benny when he was drunk - always fearin' it never meant the same as when he pressed himself into you sober. he held you at arms length, eyes traipsing the familiar paths his fingers and tongue had mapped repeatedly. "y'know, i could travel from here to fuckin' the ends of the universe n'never find a girl s'pretty as you."

"s'that what you're lookin' for when you leave?" the words escape your mouth before your brain can register the impact they will have, but benny doesn't seem all that deterred. he just shakes his head; half-hearted guilt tugging at the corner of his mouth as he lets ya go n'invites you inside. benny would never apologize for leavin'. that just wasn't his forte, but he'd make up for it. he always did.

the interior of benny's place is nicer than you'd expect n'it's all because johnny outright fuckin' refused to step foot in the place when benny'd first moved in. it was terrible, but now the trailer actually looks decent. s'not much: a small livin' space with a couch, a tiny kitchen, an even smaller bathroom, and a bedroom big enough for a few pieces of furniture, but it smells like benny: like motor oil and sandalwood and smoke and body wash and you wish they sold the scent in department stores because you'd buy up every bottle. it's the aroma you miss terribly when he runs. it's the scent you wish lasted just a bit longer on your bedsheets. it's now overwhelming as benny plods over, stubbing his cigarette out in the ashtray. hands unoccupied, he has nothing better to do with them than wrap 'em 'round your waist, tuggin' you into his slick embrace. his chin fits so nicely atop your head n'he's always told you that you were meant to be. "fuck soulmates. i think god s'got a big ass puzzle n'he just, tears it up. throws the pieces here n'there. but me'n'you, baby? we're always gonna fit together. m'always gonna find you." he wouldn't need to find you if he didn't run but when you're pressed so snugly together like you are now - well - he could say anything and you'd agree.

"look at me, darlin'. wanna see those eyes again. missed 'em so much." n'when you do look at him, you wish you hadn't. he looks better (somehow) than the last time you saw him: skin so clear, eyes so bright, smile taken from a fuckin' toothpaste commercial. it's unfair how good god made such a bad boy look. "there's my girl." and damn if his voice doesn't sound even better.

a half-hearted hum rolls from the back of your throat. you want nothing more than to be his girl, but he'd never really allow that. never really allow you to get close enough and the hurt must register on your face because benny's takin' your cheeks between his palms, eyebrows furrowing.

"what's goin' on, baby?"

baby. the word sounds so good rolling off his tongue. you wanna be his baby more than anything, but you say "nothin'" cuz that's all this will ever be.

"doesn't seem like nothin'. tell me." you think about it. could you, rather, should you tell him? the words are there, right there. right on the tip of your tongue; i miss you. i've missed you. i so badly wanted to see you. i want to be more than the girl you call when you want to fuck. the words are so hot you want to spit them out, but you can't say those things n'likely will never be able to. the words are toxic. poison. those words would assassinate this arrangement n'as much as it hurts, you know deep down you'd rather have pieces of benny than none at all so instead of speaking you rise on your tip toes and press your lips against his.

kissing benny is something you could never tire of. it's the delicate bite of his perfect teeth on your pillowy lip that has you opening your mouth - inviting him in - begging him to take. it's the taste of mint and cigarettes and liquor that lingers on your tongue that makes you long for more. but benny pulls away first - always does - n'that's when you notice the wrinkle in his brow is gone because he is no longer concerned about what's racketing around your brain. no. he's had a sample, and now he wants the whole thing.

"c'mere." it's an impossible command. you're already so close - any closer and you would - benny dips slightly, circling your thighs with his arms, pushin' you atop the high-backed couch where you wobble and clutch onto him which makes him smile but then everything changes because "want another kiss. missed that mouth so much." and you collide in a spit-soaked show of affection sure to bruise the flesh now scraping so deliciously against his beard.

this is familiar to benny. he knows where to touch you. knows how to caress your skin as he peels the shirt from your flushed torso and pushes the thin straps of your nightgown down. you're soft. he's always loved that about you. your voice. your hair. your skin. so supple. and there are times benny's gotta stop himself. he's gotta repress that primal urge to take, to claim, to mark but it's hard so hard because you are so soft. his agile fingers float down your neck, relishing in the plume of perfume that billows out as your body contorts closer and closer and closer. you're so responsive: gasping in the right places, arching into his hands so perfectly. your dainty inhales fuel him. he wants to do more. wants to hear more.

"you're gonna let me fuck you right here, aren't ya?" benny asks, pulling back to gauge your reaction. "missed me so much you're gonna let me fuck you on this couch, eh?"

"you're the one who called me." you say, smile wide and knowing as you feel benny's cock twitch. his eyes turn molten lapis. he had called you. he had missed you. but he wouldn't say it. couldn't.

"awfully mouthy," he clucks, pressing his mouth into yours for another taste. "why don't y'use it for somethin' else?"

before you, benny'd never been a fan of oral sex. i mean, he'd come around to enjoyin' it thanks to johnny but, it wasn't high on his list 'til you started suckin' him off any and every chance you got. for a mouth belonging to such a precious gal, he never would have expected the sinful things you could make him feel. n'now, knelt before him, he can barely fight the urge to shove his dick in your mouth.

"s'pretty. always so pretty." you hum. you got him out of his jeans in record time and thank god because it's probably a million degrees in the goddamn trailer. now he's free; cock out, dripping precum and he can see the pride puffin' up your chest. no other girl could get 'em like this - could rile him up 'til his cock was thick and heavy and veiny and hot to the touch - no one but you n'at the first whisper of your fingers, his head rolls back. his precum is good lubrication, but you need more. could always use more, so up you come, crossing your cute little feet under your bum, and then - fuck - you lean forward and spit on his heated skin. yeah, benny thinks he may cum from that alone.

"touch me, doll. c'mon."

"shh," your fingers form a loose circle 'round the base of his cock. "i've got you."

"jesus christ," its the feel of your lips on his thighs and your fingers on his dick that makes him squeeze his eyes shut. he's got one fist balled at his side, the other tucks its way into your hair because he's gotta do something. anything.

"y've still got your christmas tree up, so, y'know, could be insensitive what with the holidays n'all. chirstimas in july." and despite the fact that you've got his pulsing length so wet and hard in your hand - benny fucking laughs.

"you're so -" but whatever adjective he had planned to use flies from his mind the moment your mouth covers him. all he can think about now is not cumming. you don't need to know that he hasn't fucked another woman since the last time he was balls deep in you. you don't need to know that he hasn't jerked off in god knows how long in preparation for this night. the only thing that you need to know is that he fuckin' loves this. he just lets you work. just relishes in the feeling of having you there. of having your mouth on him. it's so heavenly. cavernous yet tight. wet and warm and "fuck - oh fuck - stop."

and you do with no hesitation. you pull away so quickly that strands of saliva trickle down onto your tits. okay. maybe not jerking off wasn't the best idea, benny determines.

"did i do something wrong?" your voice is husky, eyes wide and slightly frightened and benny thinks he may love you.

"no." he shakes his head, grabs your arms, pulls you up. "no. fuck - i wanna fuck you." he brushes his palm across your cheek, wiping the spit and precum away. "want to fuck you right here. on the couch. c'mon," he maneuvers you around, makin' it to where his bare ass is on the couch and you're hoverin' above him, smiling so cutely at him he's sure he's gonna explode. you're so fucking cute that it nearly suffocates him.

"gimmie another kiss." he breathes, cupping your cheek once more. your lips meet in a cacophony of sighs. relief slackens your shoulders and now anticipation builds because you know what's coming.

"benny,"

"mm?"

"unless you have rubbers tucked in the cushions," you have to fight through his kisses. "you can't fuck me here."

the words marinate. the ceiling fan bats them around like a cat does to yarn and then benny finally responds.

"let me fuck you raw."

there are a hundred good reasons why it's a horrible idea, but you can't conjure a single fucking one as your head bobs in agreement.

"yeah?" perhaps christmas miracles are still valid in july because holy shit. "yeah?"

"please."

"come 'ere then."

you're obedient. benny loves that about you. seconds later you're spreading your legs, shimmering with sweat as you fight to maintain your balance n'you look so hungry - so eager to please - so pretty n'he can feel your wetness seeping onto his bare thigh as you pepper tender kisses along his chest. you want this. you want it just as badly as he does. he can tell. those preening noises comin' from the back of your throat and the bite of your nails into his shoulder are the only things grounding him to this moment. he feels so light - like he could fuckin' float if you weren't sat atop him - but there is work to do. a certain set of things that need to be done before he can spear you on his cock.

"gonna stretch you open first," he tells you, pushing your hip back but you don't budge. your head shakes, lower lip juts out. no.

"i wanna feel it." you say, voice almost a whine. you're tired of waiting. tired of playing this game so you propel yourself onto your feet, nearly toppling as the cushion gives under your weight, but you've got this. you sweet capable being. "wanna feel you now." your right hand circles his cock. "just want you to be in me benny. jus' you." it's a confession spoken like gospel. n'with your help, his gushing head probes your wetness and benny's thoughts spiral recklessly. "ready?"

it's cute. the way you ask him. the way your pretty little head cocks to the side. it's even cuter the way your pussy so greedily takes his cock once benny gives you an answer. yes. a singular nod. then everything is hot. he's too close to the sun, but the burn is delicious.

every bump. every vein. every groove on his cock awakens something within you. your eyes are closed so tightly - you may rupture a vessel - but you don't care. you're full. so full n'he's only halfway in. it's never felt like this before. you're in uncharted territory so the first roll of your hips is exploratory. the second is more confident. the third is a plunge and benny is drowning.

"god. fuck." words to form coherent sentences have long since vanished from benny's vocabulary. and you? usually so deft with language, you're somewhat embarrassed at the foolishness of your grunts, but benny loves it. he watches you move from squinted eyes. you're fascinating; body shifting with ease up and down up and down up and down. the muscles in your stomach tighten and wan as his cock disappears deep in your cunt only to reappear seconds later dripping and glistening with remnants of your wet. it's hypnotic n'benny thinks you're magic and sweet and good but dirty - oh so dirty. his balls and heart squeeze simultaneously n'it only gets worse when you toss your arms around his neck. benny can feel your cool breath on his throat - it adheres to the damp indications you lips left behind - and your tits, god your tits press against the material of his colors and rub and rub and rub. it's intimate. it's too much. too long like this and benny knows he'll be spillin' his secrets and his seed and that's not how he wants this to go, not yet anyway.

the change in position catches you by surprise, he can see it on your face. those puffy lips part in confusion, but he silences your questions with a shattering kiss. your teeth gnash and spit slips down your chin as he bites your inhibitions away. he's got you beneath him now. missionary. his favorite because he just likes lookin' at you. likes being close, so close. he's in his element; forehead pressed against yours, mouth open, grunting obscenities as he pushes harder and harder and harder into your sobbing pussy. you're slowly disintegrating. the way your ankles lock around his spine perfectly aligns your clit with his pelvic bone and my god nothing has ever felt quite so good.

"benny," your voice is a dark whisper that grows brighter brighter brighter as he thrusts into oblivion. you want more. want it harder. and benny is happy to oblige. the sound of his nuts slapping against your soaked center reminds him of a fuckin' metronome. your pitiful little moans could put pornstars to shame.

"you're so fuckin' tight." and it's true. he's said it to other girls before out of courtesy, but he means it with you. "when i cum you're gonna take every drop, mm?" benny's ability to say such delivish things so close to your face drives you insane. it's as though he's tellin' you what the weather is gonna be tomorrow, or sayin' his favorite color. "s'my favorite pussy to fuck. no one feels like you." he should stop, but he can't. it's too good. you're so good. "only girl i wanna fill. only girl i wanna give my cum to."

if pride were a flower you'd be a fuckin' garden. confidence flourishes like ivy as he keeps. going. it's in this moment you know it's worth it. the hours waiting for him. the lonely nights. it's all worth it. benny is worth it.

"are y'gonna cum in me?" at the sound of your voice, benny's forehead crashes down on yours. his eyelashes are so long they kiss the tops of his round cheeks.

"fuck - yeah."

"yeah?" you angle your pelvis, gasping at the new sensation. n'benny knows what to do. knows how to send you over. snaking a hand down, his index finger rubs circles around your clit, dipping down, pullin' your shared juices up. you're not gonna last much longer n'as much as he wishes he could keep you here forever his fucking nuts are so tight. he's so close.

"fuck - baby. shit."

"do it deep. wanna have you leakin' out of me for days. want somethin' to remember you by." you've never spoken like this before - his sweet darling - where did this mouth come from? one hand squeezes your jaw. something to remember him by? he'll give you something. he pushes your head to the side, latching his teeth into the side of your neck. the rough yet delicate suck and soothing stroke of his tongue add another element to the amalgamation of pleasure, and now you feel like you're drowning.

"m'gonna cum." benny’s choked voice rasps in your ear.

"cum in me."

"fuck im gonna cum in you."

he couldn't pull out even if he wanted to. there's no willpower strong enough to allow him to extract his cock from your pussy. he's sure of it.

"need you to cum with me." his index finger circles around and around and around. "gotta cum when i tell you. yeah? gonna be a good girl n'listen to daddy?" your toes fuckin' curl, digging into the cushion. "use your words." he doesn't know - doesn't care - that your words have magically turned into alphabet soup; there are letters and sounds but no coherence, but it's no excuse. benny, devilishly, begins to slow. "use. your. words." each syllable is punctuated with a sharp thrust n'the head of his cock is wedging so deliciously against your spongy center that you nearly cum, but you don't. you're good. so good.

"m'gonna listen." you wail. "gonna be good." your reward is a kiss and the continuation of benny's deliriously fast pace.

"knew you would." it becomes hard to speak with you squeezing round him like that. his pleasure is melting into an unidentifiable mass. he knows nothing of isolation. his body no longer belongs to him. he can't tell where you start and he ends but he knows where you will finish. "gonna need you to cum, pretty baby." he's unable to do much more than whisper. "ready?" you nod. "ready?"

"please."

"now."

you couldn't hold back even if you tried. the first spurt of benny's cum is so warm you make a surprised little gasp. he's so deep, pumping his load so deep that the lower part of your abdomen has stretched in accommodation. your bodies flounder together; fingers pressing, lips melting, legs tangling. benny thrusts once, twice, three times more before he's spent. his body begins to still - his weight slowly pressing upon you before collapsing. your thundering heart could lull him to sleep if he'd allow it, but he can't allow it because unlike with other women; the lustful haze refuses to dissipate. post-nut clarity doesn't exist when the woman you fucked looks and feels the way you do and it scares benny so much that he collects you in his arms n'moves you off of him.

"i'll bring you somethin' to wipe off with." he doesn't look at you as he rises. instead he chooses to focus on how his legs don't feel like his legs. how the hot water won't warm up n'he can't give you a cold rag. his disappointment grows when he returns to find you already shrugging back into your nightgown. the pair of you tend to yourselves. you wipe benny's cum off your thighs and toss the rag into the dirty clothes pile on the floor. you try not to linger. you know it only makes things harder, but benny's gazin' at you with those eyes. he's fixin' your necklace and opening the door for you.

"gimmie a hug?" his bravado is gone. his voice is quiet, his arms are welcoming. you fool yourself into thinking he's gonna miss you too. you've got his cum dripping down your leg and he's got your heart in his hands but nothing has changed. things would never change. n'you wanna stay here - wanna stay with him for eternity - but if history repeats itself you will only have another minute in his embrace. he who holds your pieces together is the one responsible for their fractured state n'maybe you're a masochist. maybe you're in love with the wrong person. maybe none of it is supposed to make sense anyway.

when you part, you want to cry. benny kisses you. it's soft, a delicate kiss you wanna bottle and keep forever next to his scent. you worry that one day you will unknowingly have a last kiss with benny, but for now you allow yourself this moment. he won't promise to call n'you won't say goodbye. you'll just slip out into the night - probably call johnny usin' the payphone down the street and spend the rest of the night sobbin' into his neck.

but it's worth it. somehow even after it all, benny cross is still worth it.

[thyme-in-a-bubble]

june

a summer in dunbrook, part one

a/n: i desperately needed something comforting and familiar to sit and fiddle with this summer, so this is what happened: a little mini series to continue lilac! just a cute little summer in their lives ৎ୭

summary: “oh, hi,” Frank’s brows rose up as he glanced down at the dog firmly planting itself by your feet, “who is this?”

warnings: lumberjack!frank castle x reader, sequel to lilac, smut, lumberjack AU, a cutie patootie dog (yes, we're basically turning this into one of those wholesome dog movies), kissing, size kink, dirty talk, manhandling, fingering, sex toys, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, squirting, penetrative sex, anal, double penetration, some pain (frank is just too damn big and reader is too stubborn/greedy for it as we all are), unprotected sex (because this is just porn. no one is getting pregnant, I’m just craving the intimacy. let them be hoes and live out the fantasy)

word count: 4138

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“You know, you could help me,” you grumbled with your head half stuffed inside a messy cardboard box. 

“I don’t know…” Frank let an exhale flow through his smirk as he raised his mug of black coffee back up to his lips, “I like you without pants.”

Shooting him a glance as he leisurely leaned back against the kitchen counter and enjoyed the show of you running around like a headless chicken, you said, “oh yeah? Do you really want me to go to the inn like this?” and gestured to your half-dressed state, then swiftly ripped open another box and mumbled, “I knew I should have packed my summer clothes somewhere obvious. Of course the heat decides to finally hit right when I move into the cabin and everything is impossible to find…”

You were truly regretting the decision not to label any of the moving boxes. You’d thought you wouldn’t need to bother with how few items you had to take with you, but evidently, you should have, now that the few boxes seemed impossible to sort through. 

Setting down his mug, Frank then slowly closed the distance between him and the container balanced on the couch. His hand only seemed to disappear into it a fraction of a second before it raised back up into the air, now with a pair of your shorts miraculously dangling from his grip.

Your eyes grew wide, “how did you–…” before, utterly dumbfounded, you reached out for them. 

Briefly, he bent down and pressed his lips to your hairline, “sometimes you just can’t see the thing lying right in front of you.”

Blinking back up into his gaze, a smile tugged at your lips.

“Thank you,” an exhale flowed from you as the frantic stress of the search slowly melted away. 

As you shimmied the linen shorts on, you truly let yourself notice the moving boxes littering Frank’s cabin, or rather, your shared cabin, your home. 

It had been yesterday when you finally found the time to pack down everything and haul it over, even though you’d been talking about it for what felt like forever. It would probably take a little longer before it stopped feeling like a dream, but in this blissful moment, it sank in just a little bit more, enough to prevent you from pinching yourself.

“When do you get off?” Frank asked as you tugged a pair of sandals on, “four?”

“Yeah, probably,” you swung your bag over your shoulder. 

“Alright, I’ll come pick you up then,” his words caused the corners of your lips to tilt upwards. 

Your feet then shuffled, not in the direction of the door, but the opposite way, where Frank still stood. Raising yourself up onto your tiptoes, you pressed your lips to his in a soft peck and sighed, “I love you…”

“Have a good day,” he uttered back in the slim space between you. 

“…and over here and here are some really great trails if you wanna go for a hike,” you circled on the folded map before glancing back up at the guests leaning against the front desk, “one cuts through the woods and goes on next to some farmland where you’ll probably bump into some cows, maybe sheep, whereas the other one goes up some of the mountains, so you get an amazing view.”

“Oh, great,” one of the women smiled as you slid the map back into her palms, “thank you so much!”

“Of course, you’re welcome,” your head tilted in a gentle nod as they trotted out the inn’s front door.

On the veranda, the other lady called over her shoulder to you, “bye!” before she seized her companion’s hand and they disappeared from your sight. 

As you popped the blue pen in your grasp back in the ceramic mug behind the desk, reuniting it with all its other brethren, you felt something brush up against your leg. 

Glancing down, your eyebrows swiftly shot up at the sight that met you. 

A dog. 

A big, fluffy golden retriever to be exact. 

“Oh… hello,” you blinked, “where did you come from?”

The animal however didn’t offer you an answer but instead simply dashed out of the still-open door, onto the porch and around towards the garden. 

With a bewildered gaze, you rounded into the dining room and asked your father as he was gathering the last remaining dishes from this morning, “hey, yesterday, when I got off early to take care of the whole move, did someone new check-in? Someone that had a dog with them?”

“A dog? No,” Harvey puffed as he balanced a stack of plates, “no one checked in last night, with or without a pet.”

Shadowing him as he strode into the kitchen and dumped the dishes into the soapy sink, your brows stayed furrowed, “you sure? Because I literally just saw one.”

A chuckle then burst out your dad’s lungs, “yeah, right you did.”

“No, I really did, I’m not kidding.”

Halting his scrubbing, he glanced back at you and warily scanned your features, “you alright, honey? Is this seeing a dog code for something? Blink twice if you wanna move back home.”

“Oh my god, no,” you groaned at his jest and then spotted a golden flicker of movement out the window to the garden, “see,” you pointed, “it’s right there, I’m not lying.” 

Following the line of your outstretched finger, the moustachioed man’s face then dropped as he spotted the dog energetically rolling in the grass before it ran over to a rusty bucket to lap at the old rainwater within, “well I’ll be damned…” 

“…are you sure you don’t wanna come in and join me for dinner?” the brash tone of Donna carried on the wind and found your ears as you descended the porch steps.

“No, thank you, ma’am,” Frank declined, seemingly cornered by the voluptuous woman as he waited by his dark navy truck, “I already have plans tonight.”

“As you seem to have every time I ask you… guess I’ll just have to try a bit harder then,” Donna’s gaze lapped him up, “catch you off guard…”

Like an angel sent to save him, his face lit up at he spotted you, “Y/n! Hey, how was your day?”

The gravel beneath your sandals rusted as you first turned your attention towards your old educator, “Donna, please stop flirting with Frank,” you held back a chuckle, “you know how uncomfortable it makes him.”

“I know, I know, it’s just too fun watching him squirm,” she offered him a wink before she sauntered past you with a brief pat to your shoulder and then went on, disappearing into the inn. 

Twisting your frame in Frank’s direction, he swiftly caught your hand and ushered you even closer.

“Hi,” a soft smile spread across your features before he stole a kiss. 

“Hi,” he quietly echoed before pressing his lips to yours again. 

The kiss however crumbled when a short bark sounded at your feet. 

“Oh, hi,” Frank’s brows rose up as he glanced down at the dog firmly planting itself by your feet, “who is this?”

“I don’t know,” you sucked in a breath, “it’s not one of the guests’, but it has been following me around all day. Wherever I’d go, whatever I’d do, I’d just turn around and there it was.”

Sinking down, he kneeled beside it to offer a scratch behind its ear, “well, you’re certainly not a stray,” his fingers found the green collar fasted around its neck and glanced at the small, round attachment dangling from it, “let’s see here… Enzo,” he read off the nameplate and flipped it in his palm. 

“Is there a number of the owner?” you asked, bending down a bit to run your fingers over the honied fur along Enzo’s spine. 

“No,” Frank exhaled and let the pendant slip out of his grasp, “but your home probably isn’t far,” both of his hands briefly came up to scratch the dog’s cheeks as he spoke to him, “you just need to go back there.”

After he’d risen back up to his full height, the dog attempted to jump into the car with you as soon as you swung the passenger door open, “hey, no! Go home!” you pointed in a vague direction. 

At first, you thought your command had succeeded as Enzo swiftly ran in your opposite direction, but then as his paws climbed the wide porch steps, your head tilted to the side as you watched him flop down and plant himself on the veranda. 

“O-oh…” the moan shuttered from your parted lips as Frank switched up the swirling pattern his touch had traced, playing with the wetness that leaked from your first orgasm, drawing tingling circles over your little rosebud before he then began to press just the tip of a glossy finger inside. 

You were half sitting in his lap, your spine melted back against his chest, as he peeked over your shoulder to grin down at the mess he made of you. 

A kiss was pressed to your hot cheek as your ass slowly swallowed more of his digit and you sucked in a sharp breath, your eyes fluttering shut at the sensation. 

“Relax, sweetheart,” his low timbre rumbled in your ear, “don’t forget to breathe now,” a reminder that your foggy mind truly needed at this point. 

His efforts were ever so gentle, easing his way inside, though contrastingly panted behind you and nearly moaned at how good you felt. 

“Fuck,” he cursed as you relaxed enough around him to let another finger inside, “you sure you want it today? Are you sure that you’re ready?”

“Frank,” your grip tightened slightly around his thick forearm as it flexed lightly at every gentle rock of his digits, “it’s nearly been a month,” you spoke impatiently about the prep, not unlike how he tickled you now, “I don’t wanna wait any longer. I wanna feel–, oh fuck–,” you whimpered as he tried to stuff another finger inside, “I-I wanna feel you–, y-your–,” your words began to melt into nothingness as that familiar storm began to brew within your being once again. 

“You wanna feel my cock stretch this little ass out?” he filled in as if that hadn’t been the most common wish on your tongue for the past season. 

“Mhm,” your head nodded, rocking back against his broadness. 

When the announcement of your inevitable peak tumbled off your tongue, to your surprise, the man behind you didn’t keep up the dizzying pattern his slick fingers had worked their way up to, but instead retracted them completely only to roll you both over onto your sides. As your face fell down upon the corner of a pillow, you almost twisted back around, nearly just let your itching fingers shoot down to take matters into your own hands, but then Frank yanked your hips back, not only pulling you closer to him, but effortlessly sinking you down onto his cock, your throbbing pussy swallowing him in one fell swoop. 

With the timing of it all, he almost didn’t get the chance to tilt back his hips and begin a rhythm, before your cunt clenched down around him and made his job that much more trying.

In the daze of your high, you weren’t quite sure if you got to lay there a moment and fade into the feeling, or if Frank seized the first opportunity he got to manhandle you into a different configuration. Sliding out of you, he positioned you on your wobbly knees and let your upper body melt down onto the mattress. 

Holding you upright by your hips, he then leaned down over you and planted kisses all along your goosebump-ridden spine. 

“How are you holding up, baby?”

“Oh,” your toes curled as you felt his hard length nuzzle against your dripping folds from the proximity, “uh-huh,” your arms hazily curved up to fold beneath your face, “I’m–, uh-huh…”

“You wanna try?” his soft question pierced through your fog. 

“Please.”

“Yeah?” his comforting weight then lightened against you as he straightened back up behind you. 

“Yeah,” you echoed, sluggishly wiggling your ass back against him when you felt him rub his bulbous tip against your puckered rosebud. 

As he then slowly dipped the head just shyly inside, it nearly sounded like a prayer as a mutter flowed through his controlled breath, “shh, relax for me, sweetheart. Let me in…”

He stilled his gentle efforts as soon as the very essence of him breached. 

“Fuck, you’re so tight…”

Though you’d prepared yourself and imagined what his girth would feel like splitting that part of you open, the stretch however was still much more severe than you’d expect, swiftly causing your puffs of air to come in ragged as he nearly didn’t fit and clearly had to use all his might for your little hole to let even the slightest bit of him in. 

Carefully leaning back down over you, Frank soothingly pressed his lips to your cheek before he checked, “you okay?” noticing how tense you suddenly were beneath him. 

Out of fear that he’d pick up too much information on the tone of your voice, you opted for a strained nod instead, nuzzling your face further into the bed as you panted. 

“Y/n,” your name rolled off his tongue, dripping in sincerity, “please don’t lie if you’re in pain.” 

“It doesn’t hurt,” your weak deception failed as soon as it left your lips. 

You weren’t sure however if he then chose to believe you or what, but he somehow bought the lie and instead reached for the bottle of lube tangled in the sheets.

After he’d cautiously added a little extra slickness, his broad palm floated down to soothe your spine as he pushed in another inch. 

Though as soon as a breathless squeak left your lungs, Frank froze up once again. 

“Y/n…” you heard him sigh from above you, “we talked about this…”

“No,” you insisted as the paralysing pleasure you felt drowned out the sting, “please, Frank.” 

“It's okay, you’re not ready yet–” 

“No, I am! Please don’t pull out!”

The motion revving up in his hips paused at your plea. 

“Honey, I'm not gonna hurt you,” his warm touch swept against the curve of your waist, “I know that you want this, but–”

“But please, Frank,” you interrupted, tilting your head around to catch his gaze, “trust me when I tell you not to stop,” sighing softly, you blinked up at him from your prone position, “don’t I feel really good?”

“Well,” the breath got caught slightly in his throat, “of course you do, but that’s not what this is about.” 

“Don’t you wanna know what it feels like to have your whole cock inside? Just how tight my little ass will squeeze you?” 

You watched as his jaw clenched, “baby, you gotta stop, it’s hard enough as it is to keep my head on while I’m inside of you. If you keep running your mouth like that I might–”

“What?” you taunted, “fuck me with more than just the tip?” 

Holding your gaze, his chest expanded with a handful of breaths before he then moved his hips again, just ever so slightly, studying how your face contorted at the minimal motion. 

“Oh my god,” you moaned as it became an impossible task to hold his fierce gaze “keep going, please,” you prayed even though your legs trembled beneath you. 

As he slowly found a gentle rhythm, he cautiously uttered, “talk to me, sweetheart. How does that feel?”

“It–, fuck, it’s so much,” a short and airy giggle slipped out past your whimper, “it feels amazing, but fuck it’s just so intense.” 

Every careful thrust he offered you pushed a tiny moan out of your lungs, like he was orchestrating a beautiful symphony that grew to a crescendo the more your body began to tingle, nearing the edge once again. 

“You’re doing so great, baby,” his touch grazed your propped-up backside, caressing you as he stared down at how you clung around his girth. 

“Nghh–, don’t stop,” you panted as your fingers tightened their grip on the crumbled duvet before the ever-present tremble to your frame grew and quaked into a tremor severe enough to lurch you off of Frank’s length and send you crashing down onto the mattress, nearly digging your way through it as yet another orgasm washed over you. 

The next thing you knew, Frank flipped you around, rolling you onto your back. You were still in a daze as he propped a pillow beneath your ass and folded your legs up high by your melted frame. 

Unsure what he had planned, if he was on the verge of kneeling down to lap up the nectar that dripped out of you, or perhaps even something much more nefarious, you instead, quite literally, took matters into your own hands.

Your eyes were barely open as you, through your stunned haze, reached down for his dick and tilted it enough so that it kissed your sore entrance. 

Taking the hint, Frank caught your flickering gaze long enough to nod, “deep breath, sweetheart,” and sank his cock back into your ass. 

Both of your arms curved down and over the backs of your thighs, gently holding them up as your partner gave you more of what you wanted. You didn’t care how overstimulated you still were from your all too recent high, in a way, the ecstasy of it made it easier for you to take him, even if tears did sting the corners of your eyes as you wiggled from the overwhelming sensation. 

“Fuck!” you croaked as he began to grow in confidence, straying away from just fucking you with the mere tip of him. 

Gradually, with each roll his hips offered, he let just a little bit more of him disappear into you, occasionally earning gasps as his length discovered new depths to stretch out and mould around his abundant thickness. 

As you blinked up at him, like a shadowing mountain above you, his own stare didn’t find yours as it stayed glued to where he split you open. 

“Oh, you’re doing so fucking well,” he groaned as he let a dollop of spit drop down to where you met, “I’m already halfway.”

“Halfway?” you mumbled, trying, though failing to glance down at the evidence, “I genuinely thought you were almost balls deep inside of me, holy shit–”

A small chuckle then rumbled in his chest at your flustered words, “you don’t have to take it all, especially not today,” he glanced up to catch your stare, “but you probably want to, right?” he worded before you had a chance to beg, “yeah, my girl can’t settle for just half. You’re all or nothing, even if it fucking breaks you.”

“I thought that’s what you liked about me,” you giggled up at him. 

“No,” he smiled, “that’s what I love about you,” before he jammed nearly the remainder in, with only a shy inch left before his heavy sack would press up against your slick skin. 

“O-oh my g–, ah!” you moaned, feeling like jello in his gasp. 

“There you go,” he grunted, almost hissing at how you felt around him, “that’s what you wanted, right?”

“Y-yes,” you blubbered through your haze. 

As his pelvis soon rutted up against yours, griding against your poor pussy as it drooled for him, “good job, baby,” he flashed you the proudest of smiles, “that’s my fucking girl.”

Curling a hand down to strum at your own clit, puffy and throbbing between your fingers as you began to roll it, Frank’s eye soon caught sight of it and just could resist budding in. 

“Oh, sweetheart,” he stared down at the needy bubbles your cunt blew, “is your little pussy feeling neglected, huh? Is she feeling jealous?”

Your head nodded up at him as he reached down to replace your own digits. 

Unable to resist, he briefly pinched your folds apart to half-mock the way your hole clenched around nothing and winked up at him in want.

“You want me to give you some attention here too?” he circled your puffy pearl as his frame sank down over you to steal a chased kiss, “you wanna be filled up in both holes?” his nose nuzzled against yours as you felt two of his fingers plug you up. 

Even though you had at this point turned into an incoherent mess, you still attempted an answer, hazy at it though was, “y-yes, I–, please, Frank–”

Reaching far over your head with the glossy fingers that were no longer inside of you, his long grasp managed to pull the drawer in the bedside table open to snatch up a toy within it. He straightened back up above the puddle you’d become as he let his hand, already coated in your juices, briefly run along the silicon before he lowered it down and slowly filled you up.

He briefly slowed his own thrusts down as he buried the dildo deep inside your pussy, letting you attempt to conquer the uncatchable breath your lungs desperately expanded to find. 

Your wetness leaked down from around the toy with every drive he offered, dripping and lending his cock to slide that much more silkily in and out of your ass. 

As your creamy cunt began to squelch lewdly around the dildo, your fingers couldn’t help but flutter down to rub your clit, making it all that more intense. 

To be honest, you weren’t sure if you were on the verge of cumming again or passing out, but either way, you just sank into the feeling and trusted that Frank would catch you either way. 

“Oh, fuck,” Frank was the first to notice when you reached the peek once last time and your pussy gushed around the toy he teasingly drove within you.

The shuttering cry that tore its way out your lungs flew over your own head as you just shook beneath him, weakly rubbing your pussy as Frank yanked the dildo all the way out to admire the drizzle of juices that squirted out. As he continued to play with you, repeatedly plunging the silicone back in just to prolong the show that much further, you were just way too out of it to notice how your little ass milked his cock, squeezing down tight as he pumped you full. 

You couldn’t really move afterwards, barely even speak as every time you parted your lips, only a breathless giggle slipped out.

He was still there. 

When you got back to the inn the next day, laying on an oblong sunspot in the sitting room next to the reception was the amber-coloured ball of fluff you’d come to know as Enzo. 

It even reached the point that the following day he hadn’t gone home yet either.

So, as your heart began to ache more and more for the lovable lost creature, you decided to take him to the local vet, dragging Frank along as well for moral support.

Unfortunately, no matter how many times you asked the veterinarian to search, she couldn’t find a microchip. 

“Guess it’ll have to be the old-fashioned way,” the vet exhaled. 

“How do you mean?” you asked, your fingers ever tangled in Enzo’s fur as he layed on the exam table. 

“Well, put up some missing flyers while this little guy waits it out in the nearest kennel, which would be the one that’s about an hour away,” she pointed out the seclusion of the little town you all called home. 

“Oh…” you uttered quietly as your eyes flickered down to catch Enzo’s sparkly ones. 

Catching sight of the sombre look that glazed over your features, Frank gently nudged his elbow against your side and said, “we can help hang the posters up,” he caught your gaze as your head tilted back up, “and maybe spread the word, see if anyone recognises him.”

“Yeah,” you nodded, “I’m sure that if we ask Donna for help, she’ll be able to get the word out in record time.” 

But as your gaze fluttered back down the dog, the lump in your throat only seemed to grow. 

“Is there somewhere else he could stay?” you quietly asked the veterinarian, “somewhere a little more homely or even just closer?” 

“Well, you could always foster him,” she tilted her head, “that’s an option.”

Glancing up at Frank, your mouth parted slightly, though no words came out as you silently conversed, pleading with him for permission. 

It took you aback slightly to discover he didn’t need any convincing at all and swiftly replied, “yeah,” nodding gently before his gaze redirected to the vet, “we’ll do it.” 

© 2024 thyme-in-a-bubble 

[dreamescapeswriting]

Stray Kids Reaction || You Want Something Trivial For Your Birthday

GN!Reader

⤜Copyright: © DreamEscapesWriting - Junee 2023

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A/N: I hope this is okay for you my love! I tried to get them as different as possible from one another @whyyougottadothatbro

CHAN:

It was safe to say that Chan was struggling with what to get you for your birthday. It wasn't like he didn't know you well enough but it was a matter of getting you something you really wanted and were going to use.

"What do you want for your birthday?" He suddenly asked when you were out to the mall together, you slowly looked up from the milkshake you had been nursing and smiled at him. The two of you had decided to do a little shopping this morning and Chan thought it would be the perfect time to scout out something you were eyeing up a lot...but much to his dismay you hadn't been eyeing up anything forcing him to ask you what it was you wanted for your birthday.

"I could use a new suitcase." You shrugged it off as though it was nothing but Chan's mind had stalled on that for a second. A suitcase? You could have anything in the world and you were asking for a suitcase? 

"A suitcase?" He questioned, still a little confused as to if you were sure that was something you wanted for your birthday?

"Yeah, I mean...I need a new one for when we go on holiday, and the wheels on mine are falling off so I could use a new one?" You stared at him as he blinked at you,

"You don't want something like a necklace? anklet? A new watch?" He suggested while frowning at you, in all his years of life he'd never had someone ask him for something practical like this. 

"Nah," You smirked and began to drink from your cup again leaving a very confused-looking Chan staring at you,

"That's it? Just a suitcase?" He narrowed his eyes at you as if he was trying to see if it was some kind of joke but the look on your face let him know just how serious you were about this all.

"Yeah, I don't need anything else when I have the best gift right in front of me." You winked laying your hand on his before a blush began to creep up onto his cheeks.

MINHO:

When you first told Minho what you wanted he'd laughed thinking that you weren't being serious about it but as you continued to look at him he realised you were 100% about it.

"Metal straws?" He questioned, you were already bringing your phone toward him and showing him the set of metal straws you'd seen last week. They were a set of rainbow straws and you'd wanted to get them when you were in the mall but you didn't have your card at the time.

"But just metal straws? You don't want anything else?" Concern dripped from his tone as he stared at you. Did you think he would only get you something so small? Minho wanted to spoil you with everything you could possibly dream of,

"Yeah, I don't need anything else. Plus, they're great for the environment, I'll be saving so many turtles." You smiled looking down at your phone and not noticing the look on Minhos face which was a mixture of sadness and concern,

"And they have a cute carry case so I can keep them in my bag for when we're out together," You giggled before turning to look at Minho,

"Minnie?" You frowned noticing how sad he looked about everything and you instantly put your phone down.

"You don't want anything else? L-Like...A bracelet? Earrings? Anything? A ring?" You could hear the overthinking dripping from him now and you whimpered,

"I don't want you to spend too much on me, it's just a birthday." You informed him as you carefully sat down on his lap and looked him in the eyes, his body physically relaxing as you held onto his face. 

"I would give you the world if you wanted it." He told you as you smiled running your fingers over his cheeks, 

"I have you, it's all I need." You promised before gently kissing him.

CHANGBIN:

"Are you sure they said pens?" Felix asked as he walked around the fifth stationary store that Changbin had dragged him into, his eyes scanning over the walls that lined the shop. All of them had been the same so far and he didn't understand why Changbin was having such a hard time finding some pens for you.

"That's what YN said they wanted. Pens. But they never said what kind...O-Or were from," He looked at the pack of pens in his hands before putting them back, deciding that they weren't good enough for you for your birthday.

"But pens? For a birthday?" Felix didn't sound so convinced by it, why would someone want pens for their birthday anything? Your birthday was the one day you could ask for something you truly wanted and Changbin would more than likely get you it. You want a cow? He'd go out and find one for you. A car? He'd take you shopping.

"I asked Yn seven times if they were sure they wanted pens and they were," Changbin was sweating by this point, "pens" wasn't a good start for him. If you'd told him a brand or maybe a colour he would have done this in seconds but now he was overthinking everything, trying to figure out if it was a certain brand or maybe even a certain colour you were wanting. Don't even get him started on whether or not it was colouring pens or just for writing at home.

"They said black ink pens, they've run out at their office and they need new ones," Felix said suddenly from behind Changbin who slowly turned to face the younger member/

"I text them," Felix turned his screen to face Changbin and he let out a small breath, gathering about twenty packs of black pens of all different kinds and taking them to the counter.

HYUNJIN:

Hyunjin stared at you from the space beside you, maybe he'd heard you incorrectly but he was still processing what you'd told him that you wanted for your birthday. It wasn't as though it was something major, in fact, it was the complete opposite. Something so small Hyunjin could barely believe you'd even asked him for it,

"Say again..." He said slowly as he watched you, you slowly turned to look at him and smiled.

"Glasses wipes, I keep running out of them so easily I need them," You pouted at the thought of it. Last night you'd been lying in bed when you ran out of your favourite brand of glasses wipes and you were desperate to get them back,

"But just wipes? Nothing else?" He stared at you, he would have expected anyone else to give him a huge list of everything they could possibly ask for and he was truly stunned that you seemed to want something so trivial and small.

"They're the best, they don't leave streaks on my glasses." You shrugged before looking at your glasses and back to Hyunjin who was blushing a little. He found it cute that it was the only thing you wanted and he planned on getting you something extra even though you hadn't asked for it.

JISUNG:

"Are you sure that's all you want though? I could get you a new hard drive," Jisung offered as you stared back at him a little shocked at the offer. It was your birthday soon and he'd been wondering what to get you for a while now and instead of getting you something he didn't think you'd enjoy, he figured he'd ask you want you wanted instead.

"I don't need a new hard drive," You laughed a little and shook your head at him, the last thing you wanted was for him to spend a stupid amount of money on you when he didn't need to.

"But JUST a keyboard cover? You don't want a new mouse? Maybe a new keyboard for a new set-up?" Panic was bubbling inside of him as he thought about it. Why didn't you want something more from him? Surely it was his job to spoil you on your birthday.

"Yeah. I don't need anything else Sungie, a keyboard cover is all I need. I keep getting crumbs in my keys whenever I eat at my desk," You pouted at the thought of it, just last week Felix had come over to clean your PC and keyboard out for you since you didn't know where to start with it.

"Fine, but I'm getting you something else as well." He pouted at you before you cuddled into his side.

FELIX:

Every year it was the same routine, you'd ask for something trivial or small for your birthday and Felix would routinely ask you if you were sure that was what you wanted and nothing else.

"It feels silly," He told you as you stood inside the beauty store together, looking at a wall full of bath scrunches which was the thing you'd asked him to get you this year.

"Why? You asked me what I wanted." You laughed a little turning to look at an unimpressed-looking Felix who had one hand on his hip as he stared at you.

"You want me to buy you a new bath scrunchy and some bath products? You don't want me to get you some clothes or anything?"

"We do this every year," You reminded him as he let out a small whine at you. Felix wanted to get you everything your heart desired but you'd never let him and he knew that, 

"Because every year I want to spoil my partner but they'll never let me," He pouted at you as you let out a small whine this time and shook your head at him,

"I don't need to be spoiled. I don't want anything...Getting me things I need is better. Besides, we'll both use the bath scrunchy so it's a gift for you as well," You smiled sheepishly at him and he shook his head at you, quickly kissing your cheek before getting you a different selection of bath scrunchies before he went looking for some body wash and other products he knew you liked.

SEUNGMIN:

"Every year you fail in the gift department," Changbin chuckled as Seungmin told the boys what he'd gotten for you this year and you looked over at them.

"He does not." You whined out in his defence. Every year Seungmin got you exactly what you asked for and you wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world. The boys didn't know that it was all things you'd asked for though and just assumed that Seungmin had gone out of his way to buy said things for you.

"Last year he bought you a shampoo and conditioner set," Minho stated as you looked at the boys and then over at Seungmin who was looking a little defeated by the accusation.

"I asked him for it...Like I asked him for the new pillow set." You nodded at the presents you'd just opened and Seungmin began to blush a little. When he'd asked you last week what it was you wanted, you'd asked him for some new memory foam pillows and he'd agreed.

"But why? You could get whatever you want?" Felix seemed just as confused by the idea of you getting pillows, along with some new sheets and cases to go along with them.

"I wanted memory foam pillows and new sheets." You shrugged, kissing Seungmin deeply.

"Thank you for the perfect birthday present, baby." You whispered making the boys wolf whistle at the small display.

JEONGIN:

Jeongin couldn't figure out why you were asking for something so small and it still boggled his mind as you showed him what kind of brands you wanted for your birthday.

"You just want some skincare? Nothing else?" You thought about it for a minute before shaking your head. There was nothing else you really needed and you'd been wanting some new skin care products for a while now.

"I ran out of my vitamin C Oil last week, so it'll be a big help." You smiled at him and he shook his head at you a little. This was something you did every year when it came to your birthday, instead of asking for something you wanted you asked for something you needed instead and he was trying to get it through to you that it was okay to ask for something you wanted instead. But every year he failed and he'd get you something you needed instead.

"But, your birthday is supposed to be about getting ANYTHING you want. Not just something you need." You whined at him as he gave you the same speech he always did and you looked at him,

"I just don't like when people waste money on me...I'd rather get something I know I'll use and need in my life," Letting out a small sigh Jeongin nodded at you and added everything into his online basket before checking it out and purchasing everything for you.

Tagline: @chiisaiblog @hanasonmi @sw33tnight @acciocriativity @scarletemeterio​ @halesandy​ @aerastus​ @laylasbunbunny​ @critssq​ @lenfilms​ @btsiguess-kpop​ @meowmeowisdaname​ @imafivestarkpopstan​ @lost-leopard-beanie​ @illicee​ @djeniryuu​

[mockerycrow]

“don’t you dare lie. i can see it hurts, so show me.” with gaz or soap

if it's not too much trouble I would like to sob please

also congrats on 400 followers!!!!! :)

400 Follower Celebration

(ENDED JUNE 15TH)

—“Don’t you dare lie. I can see it hurts, so show me.”— With Kyle “Gaz” Garrick

Summary: After falling from a great height through an unstable floor, you end up with bruised ribs and a deep gash in your side that needs proper medical attention—but you’re almost at your destination with your team, so you say you’re fine.

A/N: I’m almost at 900 now?? thank you everyone 😭 also, your callsign is “Cinder”.

[WARNINGS: Medical inaccuracies, military inaccuracies, descriptions of wounds, physical hurt/comfort.]

You groaned as your ears rung, your body feeling unnaturally heavy. You blinked slowly and everything felt like it was far away and moving in slow motion, and your body felt unnaturally wet.. and hot. You let out a dry cough as you accidentally inhaled the misty debris, no doubt not doing your lungs any good. You looked around as your mind remained blank, whatever happened shocked you enough into a dazed state for a moment. You lay your head back down and you close your eyes tight for just a moment to try to regain feeling in your face, and pain bloomed from your neck and shoulders. Luckily, your helmet saved you from a major concussion and possibly a head injury. The ringing slowly faded until it became background noise, and you hear a voice talking into a radio and distant gunshots, as well as little parts of the destroyed floor above you falling to your level. “Cinder? Cinder do you copy??” Price. It’s Price’s voice, you vaguely catalogue that, but you don’t understand that you should probably respond. Your try to take a deep breath, but you find your chest being restricted, so you look down.

Oh.

There’s several large pieces of debris on top of you, a big piece of structural wood laying across your chest while pieces of concrete re-enforcement pin the wood down onto you. You should probably move that.

You lift your arms and you distantly feel that your side and your back is wet, your hands getting a good grip on the wood and grunting, you push the debris off yourself, moving your head to the side as some of the concrete rolls off the wood near your head. You let out another dry wheeze, feeling an ache in your ribs. For some reason, every sensation just feels.. so far away right now. You blink slowly as you sit up, glancing around the rubble that you’re sitting in the middle of. You touch your side and your body instinctively flinches, and your mind yells at you for touching your side, even if you don’t feel anything yet. You pull your hand back and your hand is wet with your blood, coating your palm like you just swiped your hand across a puddle on the street.

That isn’t good, now is it?

Oh, you should probably say something on comms. You use your clean hand to reach up and press a button, and your words are slightly slurred. “M’here, all good. Just.. got the wind knocked outta me.”

“We’ll have you checked out when we reach the safehouse. RV with us at the yellow house.”

“..Copy.”

You bend down and pick up your rifle that had been forced out of your hands, wincing as the pain in your muscles and your side is beginning to catch up to your brain. Despite wearing a vest, it seems like something managed to cut through to your side. You can’t help but look around and you press your lips together when you see rebar sticking out of different places; partially above you on the remaining slabs that haven’t fallen down to your level, as well as rebar stuck in large chunks of the concrete. It smelled like pure concrete too, if that makes sense. You hum when you know that your wound must be bad enough to soak through the vest, but you don’t want to stop and wait around just so they can slap an oversized bandaid on your side. You can do that later at the safehouse yourself.

You take a deep breath which leads to a cough, your hand coming up to brush some of the white dust from the infrastructure off of you. You get yourself out of the collapsed building and grip your rifle correctly, pointing it in front of you with your finger near the trigger, scanning your environment. All you see is ruined civilian buildings with dead enemy soldiers lining the streets, and unfortunately a few normal civilians, too. You take another look and you see the yellow house in question, but it’s a ways away. “Eyes on the yellow house, five, maybe six klicks out.”

“Copy, the perimeter is secured. You know the drill. Over and out.”

It admittedly takes you longer than it should’ve to get there. As you made your way to the rendezvous point, part of the adrenaline in your system began to stop pumping, which made you intensely aware of the gash in your side, the bruises forming deep within your muscles, and how heavy your body feels overall. It was not looking good.

After dragging yourself through the eerily quiet and bloody streets—you did have to stop a couple of times—you finally managed to get to the yellow house. ‘You know the drill.’ Find an alternate entrance other the main door, knock in a specific pattern, then wait for the door to open. You get yourself to the entrance of the house and you lift your arm, trying to ignore the way it feels like gravity is pulling on it more than usual, and then you knock the pattern you and the team agreed upon a while ago. It takes a moment before Soap opens the door with his rifle pointed at you, and you raise my hands. Soap lets out a sigh of relief and lowers his rifle, stepping to the side. “Steamin’ Jesus, looks like you’ve been through hell, aye?” He comments as you trudge your way inside. You grumble and wave him off. “Something like that.” You reapond, your voice hoarse. You make your way into the biggest room of the downstairs, which ends up being the living room. You scan the room and see Price, Ghost, and Gaz. “Saw you were in the building that collapsed. You broken?” Price grips his rifle harsher as he walks over to you, and you shake your head. “Nothin’ I can’t handle, Cap’.”

Gaz walks over to you next, his finger pointing at your bloodied side. “You sure ‘bout that? That doesn’t look too good, Cinder.” You avoid looking anyone in the eyes in fear that they will see past your already shaky facade, and you shake your head yes. “I’m.. I’m sure, just a bit tender.” This isn’t good, because the pain is managing to hit you harder and harder now. It’s like your gash is a spot where someone branded you and the burning hot sensation won’t leave for a long time, and when it finally does?—only pure pain will remain. Gaz scoffs and grabs your rifle from you, causing you to furrow your brows. “Hey, what gives?—“

Gaz then leads you over to a chair nearby and forces you to sit down, and he then puts your rifle and his rifle on the dusty table. “Let me see,” He scans your face with hardened puppy eyes, his fingers going for your vest. You shake your head and try to push his hands away. “Kyle, I am fine—“

“Don’t you dare lie. I can see it hurts, so show me.” His voice is firm, leaving no room for you to argue, so you put your arms down. You bite your lip and mutter, “I would’ve survived to the safehouse.”

Gaz wordlessly undoes the straps and clips of your bloody tactical vest, and pulls the weight off of your body. You hiss and close your eyes for a moment, hearing shuffling, probably Gaz putting the vest down. You feel his fingers pull your shirt from being stuffed into your waistband, and you hiss from the shirt dragging against the gash. You open your eyes and beside you is Gaz and Ghost—Ghost, who is setting down a medical kit, and he eyes you before speaking. “You wouldn’t have, Sergeant.”

Everyone goes silent from that, and you’re aware of the heaviness in the air due to Ghost’s observation. You opt to look at Gaz who has worried and troubled eyes as he cleans the gash, and you try to ignore the way you’re bleeding onto him. “Shit, Soap, come over here and help me.” His voice is slightly trembling and you feel guilt bubble in your gut. Gaz should never sound like that, especially not because of you..

Soap jogs over and grabs gauze, helping Gaz to soak up the blood and clean your gash. “It’s going to need stitches..” Gaz mutters, making eye contact with you. You take a deep breath and nod. “Quickly.. please?”

Gaz looks back at your wound, breaking the slight tension, and you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

“Of course.”

[cowgurrrl]

I Don't Smoke

Pairing: Javier Peña x fem!reader

Author's note: this hatched as an idea for @tightjeansjavi 's june writing challenge but it doesn't end as I thought it would necessarily but I kinda lurv it so (ps thank you @egcdeath for your help 🫶)

Summary: "Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you'll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you'll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small quiet room." aka Javi makes a reappearance in your life [8.6k (she’s a whopper)]

Warnings: canonical type shit

It's a random Friday in April 1998 when you're walking down the hallway of FBI headquarters and hear a familiar voice call your name. Not just any voice but a voice you came to know as well as you would know your own. A voice you loved. A voice you haven't heard in four years. You freeze in your tracks and take two breaths before you actually turn around to see him.

He smiles big as he approaches you, and you struggle to find the same response. His hair is shorter and styled nicely, and he's wearing a bureaucratic suit, which you know he hates or used to hate. He's broader than you remember and seemingly more confident. You're still tense, but once he's close enough, muscle memory takes over, and you hug him.

His cologne is different. For some reason, that tugs at your heart.

"Hey, honey," he says into your hair, squeezing you a little harder. You hold him for another second before remembering you're at work and let him go. "Wasn't expectin' such a warm welcome."

"Well, that's what happens when you see an old friend for the first time in a long time." You say and Javi smirks, scratching at the stubble on his jaw.

"'Old friend.' Is that what they're calling it these days?"

"It is when I'm at work and have a reputation to uphold."

"Right," he says and puts his hands up in defense. "Didn't mean to insult Ms. FBI."

"What are you doing here? Last I heard, you resigned." You redirect, making him laugh even though you just gave away that you kept up with him even after you broke up.

"Stoddard asked me to teach a few classes to incoming DEA agents. Figured it was a good enough reason to get out of Texas," he says. You step to the side to let somebody go by in the hallway, and that ever-wandering eye falls down your body. "You look great."

"You too," you adjust some files against your chest, suddenly all too aware of how heavy his gaze is, and glance around. "How long are you in town for?"

"A week. We should get drinks or something. Catch up." He says, and you laugh at the absurdity of it all. You're talking like you went to college together, and you're gonna reminisce about the good ole days over a few drinks. You take a deep breath and nod.

"Sure, Javi. When are you free?"

"For you? Any time," he says so easily your heart squeezes. "But, I'm around tonight. I can meet you at the bar across from the Hill after work?"

"That works for me."

"Alright, then. I'll see you tonight." He smiles and looks you over again before swaggering down the hallway and into one of the classrooms like he used to walk to your desk or into your apartment. Nostalgia and something bigger bubbles in your throat, and you swallow it down.

You've often wondered about what it'd be like if you ever saw Javi again.

You never expected it would sting as much as it does.

You force yourself down the hallway into your office and let out a big sigh as you bury your head in your hands. Your engagement is cold against your skin.

You should be planning a wedding. You should be debating which version of white the napkins should be— eggshell or cream— or fighting with vendors on the phone. You should be doing a lot of things in the two months leading up to your wedding. Getting drinks with your ex is not one of them.

You worked at the United States Embassy in Bogotá during the hunt for Pablo Escobar in the early nineties. You were a fresh graduate from the DEA academy and got shipped off the day after you passed all your exams. They needed bodies in chairs and on the ground doing work to end the drug war, and you just happened to have a pulse and the qualification. Javier Peña happened to have those same things. Now, he's known as one of the men who took down the most dangerous crime syndicates in Latin America, but, at the time, he was just Javi.

He was a little older, a little more experienced, and, by all accounts, a little bit of a slut. He had a wandering eye and a bad habit of sleeping with newly minted Embassy employees who didn't know better. You were warned about Javi and his brown eyes and swagger, but you couldn't avoid him. He was your coworker, for Christ's sake. So all you could do was remind yourself you were there for a job and try to ignore him when possible. What they don't tell you about being thousands of miles away from home and dealing with nightmare-inducing horrors every single day is that you start looking for comfort wherever you can find it.

You made bad decisions like smoking cigarette after cigarette, sneaking just a little bit of whiskey in your coffee, or letting Javi bend you over his desk and leave bruises on your skin as he buried himself inside you. One time, you told yourself. You'll do this one time to get it out of your system, and then you'll both move on. As long as it didn't interfere with work, you thought it was okay to fuck him once, but either convenience or care kept you reaching for each other for the rest of your time in Colombia.

You spent most nights at his apartment because it was a little nicer and it felt like it would be too real if he entered your space. For all his sarcasm and hard edges, he was sweet with you. He'd make you breakfast and drive you to work under the guise of carpooling. Over time, you started to learn all his little quirks and tells, and you looked for him first when the smoke cleared and the gunfire ceased. He started stealing files off your pile of paperwork so you'd have less work to do, cook your favorite meals, and was ready with open arms when things got to be too much.

The love was like everything else that happened between you: quiet yet all-consuming.

As the months stretched on and you only grew to love him more and more, you started to imagine a life with him. You were naive and had too much faith in the world, but you couldn't stop yourself. The daydreams of a house with a big backyard, a dog, and maybe a few kids to fill it kept you alive when it felt like not even the weapon attached to your hip could. You wanted it so bad. You told him how much you wanted it, and he agreed despite how fucking crazy it sounded out loud. Love allows you to be delusional to avoid the possibility of rejection.

And you loved him so much that you let yourself believe once Escobar was dead or in prison that, you could go home together and live a somewhat normal life. That he could give it all up. That you could make it work.

So you threw yourself into the hunt. You didn't sleep. You barely ate. You went from smoking a few cigarettes a day to a pack as you got closer and closer. Javi wasn't much better off, and you definitely enabled each other's behavior, but you believed so hard in this future that you thought it would be worth it in the end.

He got snappy, and you argued a lot. You both shut down so much that it's a miracle you could find your way back to normalcy. He didn't even tell you when he got sent to D.C. for questioning. He just disappeared. When you and Steve stood over Escobar's body on a rooftop in Medellín, you couldn't focus on anything but the blood splatter on the shoes Javi got you as an early Christmas gift. At the end of the day, your only thought was, "It's over. We can go home. We can start over. We can make something of this."

Escobar wasn't even cold when Javi accepted a new position in Cali.

Everything he'd seen and done, the things you counseled each other through, the faces that kept him up at night didn't matter as much as that job. He broke the news to you as you were packing up your apartment. "There's an opportunity out there for you, too," he said, looking at you with those big eyes. You almost folded, drowning in affection for him, until you remembered how many times he'd almost died or disappeared without a word or struggled so much he buried his memories between your legs or at the bottom of a bottle.

How could he want to return to that? How could he want you to return to that?

That's when you broke.

You don't remember exactly what was said during the argument, but you know it was bad. There was a lot of yelling and tears. You said things you didn't mean, and he returned the favor. It went on for what seemed like hours, back and forth back and forth, until you were exhausted and done negotiating. You gave him an ultimatum: come to D.C. with you and start your lives, or go to Cali. He chose Cali. You chose D.C., and that was it.

That had to be it.

You didn't talk much in those final days, but you did a lot of crying. The horrors he helped keep at bay threatened to suffocate you. You were a shell of a person, but you couldn't reach for him again, knowing he didn't love you enough to stay with you. You had the tiniest shred of self-respect.

So, the day you left, you gave his stuff back, and he drove you to the airport in complete silence, even walking you all the way to the terminal without saying a word. His final act of care even when you'd told him you hated him forty-eight hours earlier. You waited until the very last second to get on the plane, hoping he'd change his mind or you'd change yours. You were both too stubborn and too broken, so you wished him luck and left. You didn't even hug him because you were so scared you'd never leave his arms if you did.

Things happened fast once you were stateside again. Within a week, you found a nice apartment in D.C., transferred to the FBI, adopted a cat named Astro, and swore off dating. With all your experience in Colombia, you got your pick of jobs and workload. You avoided field work for a while and got stuck pushing papers around at your desk, but you got bored three months in and asked to go back out. Your first case back in the field had you dealing with a serial arsonist who may or may not have had ties to a terrorist group. You were examining the rubble of yet another building when one of the firefighters called your name.

Harry was tall and charming and trying to explain something about accelerants, but all you could do was watch his scarred hands as they pointed. You remember thinking he was going to be a problem. It took three more fires for you to catch your guy, and Harry would later say it took those fires to build up the courage to ask you out. "You were much scarier than any fire," he told you. He had soot on his cheeks, and the flashing lights made his eyes sparkle. There was something about that stupid New York accent that just made you melt.

You thought one date couldn't hurt. You thought it would help you adjust to your new life. When he showed up in a nice shirt with a bouquet of flowers to pick you up for your first date, you knew you were fucked.

You went on a second date. And a third. And a fourth. He was patient with you as you struggled to open up to him about your time in the DEA and never pressured you to tell him anything you weren't ready to. That Christmas, you went home to New York with him and met his parents and all three of his sisters. By the next spring, you, Harry, and Astro moved into an apartment halfway between each of your jobs.

You got into the habit of bringing him cookies when he worked overnights at the station and smelling his shirt when he got home because, more often than not, it'd still smell like smoke. He'd surprise you with coffee or flowers at work "just because" and drag you away from your desk when you've been staring at the same words for however long. When a bullet grazed you in the middle of a chase, he made one of his EMT friends drive him to the hospital you were at in the ambulance with the lights on so he could get there as fast as possible. He made it in seven minutes and started crying the moment he saw you lying in the hospital bed, even though you were completely fine.

For something as unexpected as this relationship, you guys work really well. He cooks dinner, and you wash the dishes at the end of the night. He looks at big houses in nice neighborhoods and humors you even though there's no way you can afford it with two civil servant paychecks. But, when you see him playing with your nieces and nephews, something so deep inside you aches that you think the life-long debt would be worth it if it meant he got to be a dad. You take time off to visit his family, and even though he thinks it's the most badass thing about you, he doesn't say anything about your involvement with Escobar until you accidentally let something slip during a barbecue. When work gets too much, you hold each other, cry, and make promises to stay alive.

He proposes to you on the fourth anniversary of your first date. You knew he would because you'd looked at rings together, but you blub like a baby anyway and almost tackle him to the ground in Rock Creek Park. You're deliriously happy as you celebrate your engagement and even as you start to plan the wedding. It's like you blinked, and suddenly, it'd been four years since you left Colombia, and you're living the life you dreamt about, just with a new person. A person you love so fucking much, you still get butterflies when he walks in the room. The ring on your finger and the way he casually drops "my wife" into conversation when he means "fiancée" only adds to the giddiness.

You can't wait to spend the rest of your life with him. So, why the fuck did you agree to get drinks with Javi?

You pick your head up and dial the firehouse number before your brain can fully devolve into panic mode. They might be out dealing with a fire, but you figure it's worth a shot. On the second ring, Jack answers with his gruff "D.C. Fire Station 19."

"Hey, Jack."

"Oh, hey, darlin'! How're you doin'?" He asks, and you swear you can hear him smiling. Jack is one of Harry's best friends and groomsmen, and he absolutely adores you.

"I'm good. How're you?" You ask, already feeling the weight come off your shoulders just from talking to someone.

"You know, I can't complain. I mean, I could, but I won't," he says, and you laugh. "You callin' for your lover boy?"

"If he's not busy, yes."

"Nah, you're all good. Well, listen, it was nice talkin' to you, sweetheart. I'll get him now." He says before yelling Harry's name through the station so loud you wonder if the neighbors could hear him. There's some shuffling and a quick "'S your wife" as the phone changes hands. The identifier makes you laugh and it's the first thing Harry hears when he presses the phone to his ear.

"Oh, you have no idea how much I needed to hear that." He swoons, and you make a sympathetic noise.

"Rough day?"

"No, I just miss you."

"You're so cheesy," you say. "I miss you too. A lot."

"You okay? You sound off." He asks, and you chuckle. Of course, he caught the tiniest change in your voice.

"I'm okay. I bumped into somebody I worked with in Colombia today, so I just… feel weird," you say, rubbing your forehead. You hear him shuffle like he's trying to move to a more private place, but the cord on the phone isn't letting him get very far.

"Good weird or bad weird?"

"I don't know. Just weird. We're gonna get some drinks tonight and catch up."

"Maybe that'll help," he chirps. "I mean, as much as I like listening to your stories, it might make you feel better to talk to someone who was there. Maybe get some closure."

"Maybe." You say. It goes quiet on the line, but you know he's there because you can hear him breathing and hear the distant sounds of the firehouse. You don't feel pressured to say anything; just knowing he's there breaks up the tension in your chest. "Chief is gonna have your ass if he finds out you're running up the phone bill." You tease, and he laughs.

"I'll just tell him I'm talking to my wife, and if he doesn't want me on the phone, then he should stop making me work overnights."

"Which I'm sure he'll take well."

"You're his favorite. I'm almost positive he'd install a whole phone just for you," he says. It's true, but hearing it still makes you smile. It goes quiet again.

You watch people mill around the bullpen from your office window and chew the inside of your cheek. You should tell him it's Javi. He wouldn't discourage you from getting drinks with him, but he knows your history with him. He should be in the loop. He's going to be your husband, for God's sake. But you also don't need him worrying about this while in a burning building or doing CPR.

"You know I'm not technically your wife for another two months, right?" You change the subject, and he hums.

"Yeah, but it has a nice ring to it. My wife." Even the way he says it over the phone makes you giddy.

"I can't argue with that." You say. He takes a deep breath, and you copy him.

"You're gonna be okay. Go get drinks with your friend and try to have some fun. Maybe invite them to the wedding if you get drunk enough and decide it's a good idea," he suggests, and you laugh at the idea of Javi at your wedding. "I'll be home tomorrow afternoon, and we can talk about it or not talk about it if that's what you want, okay?"

"Okay." You resolve and twirl the phone cord in your fingers.

"I love you."

"I love you, too. Have a good day. Don't be a hero."

"Wouldn't dream of it." He says. You wait another second to have him nearby before hanging up and looking out over the bullpen again.

You could not show up. You could go home, cuddle with Astro, and put on Sex and the City or something else to take your mind off the day. You could go to bed early and take Harry breakfast in the morning. You know his hair will be messy and a little darker than normal, but he'll still smile and pull you into his lap even though the guys tease him all the time about your PDA.

But you're also too interested in what Javi could have to say to do that. You owe it to yourself to get closure or answers or whatever the fuck he has left to offer you.

And then you'll never think about him again.

Easy.

It's a slow day filled with paperwork and pencil-pushing at the FBI. No bombs or killers or threats. Just meetings and emails and the dread about meeting with Javi all day. You linger around the office a little longer than you need to until you're almost late, and only then do you start walking to the Hill.

It's bustling with tourists dying for a peek at the cherry blossoms scattered around D.C. and the Suits you usually see trying to get home. The April sun feels good on your skin, especially after being inside all day, and you take a moment to watch the sun dip lower and lower in the sky.

All things considered, if Javi was going to visit D.C., this would be the time to do it. Spring is in full bloom, and the last dredges of winter only show up at night or early in the morning when it's still cold. People are constantly out walking their dogs or taking their kids to the playgrounds. It feels like the city has come alive again after such a long winter. You come up with a list of recommendations of things for Javi to do while he's here, even though he probably won't do any of them. The least you could do is give him something to distract himself from work.

By the time you get to the bar, the sun has nearly set, and traffic is a waking nightmare. You push your anxiety away and duck into the bar, searching for Javi's familiar eyes amongst the exhausted interns and law students. He's in the corner, scanning the space just like you thought he would, and there's a glass waiting for you at the table. His eyes light up when he sees you, and your chest aches.

He gets up to greet you with a hug and pulls your chair out for you like a gentleman. "Don't know if your order's changed, but I figured I'd make a guess." He says, gesturing to your drink as you settle across from each other. You smile and hang your jacket on the back of your chair.

"Thank you. Next round is on me," you say as you raise your glass to his and take a sip. "How was teaching?"

"It was fine. Although I wish they'd actually listen instead of just staring at me like I have a second head." He says, and you laugh.

"You're a living legend to them. Escobar and the Godfathers of Cali? You might be the most experienced person they've come across."

"I think I'm the person professors warn students not to be in the field."

"There are much worse things to be than a Javier Peña or a Steve Murphy," you say. "Besides, I think the DEA has bigger problems than a few rogue agents."

He shrugs and glances up when the bell above the door chimes, checking out whoever just walked in. He did the same thing when you sat in bars in Colombia like he was always waiting for a fight. You used to tease him about it, but the fact that he still does it makes you smile.

"Steve sends his love, by the way." He says.

"How is he? How old is Olivia now?"

"She's gonna be five soon, and they're about to have another baby. A boy," he beams. "They're all doing good. Steve runs training courses for FBI agents now and sometimes goes back to Colombia to liaise with their government. Connie works at a hospital, and Olivia's in Pre-K."

"Sounds like you guys talk a lot." You're pleasantly surprised. They were good partners, but they could barely stand to look at each other when things got tense. Not to mention Steve leaving the DEA at the same time you did.

"Well, when Olivia started calling me Uncle Javi, it was pretty hard to ignore him," he says, and you 'aw' at the idea of her little hands reaching for him. Uncle Javi suits him. "She's a good kid."

He fills you in on his work in Texas and asks about your transfer. You tell him what you can about your job and the annoying bureaucrats you hate working with. He seems lighter than you've seen before, not just because of the drink in his hand. His shoulders are relaxed, and even though he still has the instincts of someone working in the field, he doesn't get trapped in them like he used to. It's a nice change.

You're almost done with your first drink when he digs a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and offers you one. God, when was the last time you even bought a pack of cigarettes? It had to have been right after Harry came home from a particularly bad fire resulting from a stray cigarette. Three people died. After that, you couldn't pick up a cigarette without thinking about the seventeen-year-old who got stuck in the apartment. That must've been three years ago now.

"I quit," you say, and he raises his eyebrows at you.

"That's new." He says like your hair turned blue before his eyes, but pops one into his mouth anyway. You shrug.

"Sorry to disappoint."

"No, no, 'm not disappointed. Just surprised."

"Yeah, well," you sigh. "American cigarettes aren't as good as the Colombian ones."

"I guess that's true," he says as he flicks his lighter open and inhales until the end glows. Just as always, he politely blows smoke away from your face. "Alright, so you got a new job, a new apartment, a cat, and you quit smoking. What else has changed since I saw you last?" He asks, and your thumb immediately presses into the band of your engagement ring.

Well, it's now or never.

"I, uh... I'm getting married," you say, and his eyes fall to your ring. "In two months." He takes a big sip.

"Congratulations," he says. It might be the most unenthusiastic thing you've ever heard somebody say. "Who's the lucky guy?"

"His name is Harry. We've been together for a few years now."

"What's he do?" He asks in his interrogator's voice, and you give him a look.

"We don't have to do this." You say. Javi takes another drag of his cigarette and grinds his teeth.

"Do what?" He asks. "It shouldn't be hard to talk about if you love him."

"I do."

"Then, why don't you want to tell me about him?"

"Is that a serious question?" You scoff, and he shrugs. "Fine. What do you want to know?"

"I already asked you," he says. "What does he do for work?"

"He's a firefighter." You know it's a cliche: a cop and a firefighter, but you don't really care.

"How'd you meet?"

"First field case I had was an arsonist. He was one of the guys on site when I got there."

"Romantic," Javi muses, and you hum. You wait for him to continue bombarding you with questions, but the air gets thick, and suddenly, all you can do is take big gulps of your drink. You signal to the bartender for another, and Javi finishes his cigarette in silence. "Well, I'm happy for you," he says softly. He doesn't seem like he is, but you know better than to press him, so you just nod.

"Thank you," you say. The bartender drops two more drinks off at your table, and Javi raises his glass to you.

"Here's to you and Terry-"

"Harry," you correct, and he laughs, breaking up the tension that's settled. He took the news much better than you expected, but you're still waiting for the other shoe to drop. There always seems to be one waiting when Javi's around.

"To you and Harry and a lifetime of happiness." He says, tapping his glass against yours and taking a drink. "Now, tell me what you've been doing with the fuckin' FBI."

"Oh, you're gonna need to buy me a few more drinks before I start spilling government secrets, Peña." The name rolls off your tongue before you can stop it, and it brings you back to hot Colombian days and red yarn on a corkboard and his apartment. He raises his eyebrows like it's a challenge and smirks.

"Don't tempt me with a good time."

It's late and you're drunk. Drunker than you've been in a while. You didn't mean to. You just kept talking and drinking, and it felt so good talking to him after so long. Once you got through with the elephant in the room, it was so easy to fall back into the groove with him. You talked about Colombia and your lives outside of work. You even tell him the story of accidentally letting it slip that you used to work for the DEA after smoking a little bit of weed with Harry's sister, Caitlin.

You laughed together until last call and then argued over who would pay the tab. "Consider it my weddin' gift," he half-slurred, and you rolled your eyes and let him pay.

Now, you're strolling the empty National Mall, working off your buzz and elongating the time you have with him. You didn't realize how much you missed him until tonight. Despite everything that happened, you did have good days with him. Days filled with music and chain smoking and laughter. You'd like to get those back. You'd like that version of him back.

As you walk, you point out monuments to him and messily retell the stories the tour guide told you when Harry thought a walking tour of D.C. was a good second-date idea. You switch presidents and periods too much to make sense, but Javi listens anyway. Every so often, his warm hand will brush against yours, barely touching your skin but enough for you to notice when he does it. Neither of you say anything about it or break the flow of your conversation. Maybe it's for old-time's sake. Maybe it's because you don't know what there is to say. The night is clear and eerily quiet. The only sound besides your laughter and drunken stories is the chilly wind blowing through the trees and the clacking of heels from an exhausted-looking White House intern as she walks by.

Or, at least, it was until you stumbled across a busker by the Lincoln Memorial. The empty space echoes with the sound of his saxophone, and you smile as you get closer. There are a few other people milling around, and a few take turns throwing coins in his case. You've seen him playing here before, but you've never had the time to actually stop and listen. He's good. You wish you'd stopped sooner.

"You wanna dance?" Javi whispers in your ear, his breath fanning across your neck, and you furrow your eyebrows.

"Here?" You ask, and he shrugs.

"Why not?"

"Because nobody else is."

"C'mon," he tuts. "Live a little." He doesn't wait for you to say anything else. He just grabs your hand and pulls you a little closer to the musician. You sigh but let Javi hold one of your hands and rest the other on his shoulder. He smirks and you roll your eyes to hide the fact that you're shocked he wants to dance. With you. In public.

Sure, you had little moments where you danced in the kitchen, but never in public. Even then, it wouldn't have ever been his idea to dance. He's like a whole new person. You don't know how to feel about it.

What the fuck happened to him in Cali?

He spins you under his arm, and you do your best to follow his lead. You have two left feet as it is, something Harry has helped get out of your system, but the alcohol makes it even worse. You almost trip yourself but land against Javi's chest before you can hit the ground. He makes an oomph sound but doesn't do anything to push you away. You don't do anything to pull away.

The saxophonist continues playing, and the cicadas chirp nearby. If you listen hard enough, you can hear Javi's heartbeat. You think you'd know the sound anywhere. You memorized the rise and fall of his chest when you woke up from nightmares, and he was the one to calm you down. You used to count the contractions of the muscles in his heart until you fell back to sleep. It was often the first thing you heard when you woke up if bombs weren't going off somewhere in the city or your phone wasn't blaring with an emergency message from the Embassy.

And now, here it is again, unexpectedly thumping against you after four years, following the rhythm of the music surrounding you. Javi's warm as he tentatively rests his head against yours, and you feel his fingers flex around your hip. A mixture of his cologne and cigarettes invades your senses, and you can do nothing but ride the nostalgia wave until the song ends.

You pry yourself from Javi to turn and applaud the saxophonist, and he gives a gracious bow. Javi looks a little disappointed that the song is over but drops a ten-dollar bill in the saxophone case anyway.

"Didn't take you for a dancer." You say as you walk away from the Lincoln Memorial, and he shrugs.

"'M full of secrets now."

"I guess so," you say. You start walking toward your apartment, suddenly too cold and tired now that you're a little more sober. Javi follows, putting himself between you and the street and grazing your lower back whenever you cross the road. He's always been protective of you, even before you started dating. It makes sense he would still be, right? You're trying to make sense of the muddled mess in your head when Javi pulls his cigarettes out of his jacket, and you eye them. You must not be as discrete as you thought you were because he laughs at you.

"For someone who quit smoking, you look like you want a cigarette." He says, offering the pack to you, and you sigh. You take one from the middle and put it between your lips. Javi is quick with his lighter, and you lean into him just a little as you inhale. He watches your every movement like he's watching a miracle unfold before him.

You hate to admit how good the smoke feels in your lungs. After three years of not even looking at a cigarette, all it took was an offer and a quick puff, and you're back to the beginning. You'll start again tomorrow.

"Don't tell Harry." You say as you blow smoke away from him, and Javi laughs.

"What? He doesn't like you smoking?" He asks, looking for a reason not to like Harry, and you chuckle.

"It's not that. I've just heard one too many horror stories about a stray cigarette starting a fire." You say, and he hums.

"Is that why you quit?"

"Kinda. I also…" you start but then shake your head. "Never mind."

"What? Now you have to say it."

"You're not gonna like it."

"Try me." He says, and you inhale deeply, blowing smoke out of your nose. You think about telling him to leave it alone, but the alcohol and the pain in your chest tells you to say fuck it.

"I quit because it reminded me of you." You admit. He gets quiet. He takes a long drag of his cigarette and looks up at the stars as you silently spiral. You feel like you need two more cigarettes and a shot of tequila.

Javi has always had a special talent for making all your worst habits bubble to the surface.

"You're right, I don't like that." He says softly, and you nod. You walk a few blocks in silence. The only sounds are your shoes clicking against the pavement and the tiny crackling of your cigarette as you smoke. A siren blares somewhere in the city, and your stomach drops. It always does, but especially now.

Your fiancé is out there, putting his life on the line to save others because that's how good of a man he is, and you're getting drunk and slow-dancing with the man who broke your heart? You didn't even tell him it was Javi. What if something happens to him tonight, and you're out? What if you miss the phone call? Guilt gnaws at your throat like an angry dog, and you feel like throwing up. You swallow hard and stomp out your cigarette before it can get to the filter.

"I'm glad we did this," you say, trying to get things back on track. Javi gives you a weak smile. "I missed you."

"I missed you too."

"You know, Harry said there's a place for you at the wedding if you want it. I know you'll be back in Texas, but it could be fun. We'd love to have you," you say, and he shakes his head.

"I don't think that's a good idea." He says. You knew he'd say no, but it still stings.

"Just thought I'd ask." You say, and he nods. You're about two blocks away from your apartment, and you start fishing for your keys out of your purse when Javi stops. You keep walking, thinking he's going to finish his cigarette and pull out another one.

"Don't marry him." He says, just loud enough for you to hear, and ice floods your veins. Whatever alcohol left in your system seems to vanish, and you freeze.

"What?" You ask as you slowly turn around. Javi chews on his bottom lip and stares at you.

"Don't marry him," he says again. Something behind his eyes is familiar, and suddenly, you're the girl he couldn't leave Colombia for again. Tears prick in your eyes, and you shake your head. "You'll get bored in a few years, and you'll be stuck if you marry him."

"I love him."

"I love you."

"Stop," you mumble. He takes a step forward and cradles your face in his hands, tilting you up to look at him, and your jaw tightens. You wonder if he can feel it. "You don't love me."

"I do. I always have. I fucked up, and I'm so sorry for hurting you, but I'm here now. We can start over. I'll move to D.C.. I'll do whatever." He says in one breath like he's afraid he'll lose the courage to say the words out loud.

"It's too late." You say, and he shakes his head.

"No, it's not. We can go tonight. Anywhere you want. I-"

"You let me leave," you cut him off, years of frustration and heartbreak coming back up to the surface as you take his hands off your face. "I was drowning and you let me get on the fucking plane."

"I thought that's what you wanted."

"I wanted you to reject the position in Cali and come with me because I really thought you could at least try to love me more than your job."

"I couldn't just give the Cali position up." He says and you scoff and take a few steps away from him.

"But you could give me up," you say, throwing your arms up in defeat. "That's not love, Javi. That's having someone around to play with and throwing them out when you get bored."

"It wasn't like that."

"Enlighten me, then."

"Do you remember when Carillo died?" He asks and you take a deep breath before nodding.

Most of your memories of Colombia are muddled, but not that day. You were pissed Messina wouldn't let you go, but you were fine to let the Colombian police make the raid. Javi and Steve were anxious. You remember watching them stand next to the radio like guards and trying to guess what was going on in their heads. Javi's gaze lingered on you a few too many times to be an accident, and he smiled fondly at you. You joked about them paying for the drinks you'd have later to celebrate. Things felt stable enough for you to sit down next to Messina. You were halfway through a cigarette when the gunfire chattered over the radios.

It wasn't an ambush.

It was a fucking massacre.

They never stood a chance. The scene was horrendous. Hearing Messina call Mrs. Carillo to tell her what happened was worse. Steve, somehow, was able to go with Carillo, so he wasn't alone in transport back to Bogotá. You and Javi were the cowards who went back and drank until you stopped seeing the pile of bodies you felt responsible for.

Javi put his fist through the wall of his apartment when he got home that night. You wanted to cry but knew that if you started, you'd never stop and who were you to be crying? People had just lost their sons, husbands, brothers, and fathers on your orders. You didn't deserve to cry. It was the beginning of the end for you and Javi, but you clung to your idea of the future so hard, it had claw marks on it when you finally let it go and got on the plane.

So, yeah, you remember. You remember it all.

"I couldn't let that happen to you or anyone else ever again. It would kill me," he says. You're about to tell him it's not his fault, and it never was. It was shitty intel. It was a trap. It was a lot of things, but it wasn't his fault. That might be the only thing you can say for sure about that tragedy. "So, I put everything that wasn't work out of my mind and made bad decisions, and that's on me, but I never stopped loving you or believing in our future."

"Then, why didn't you fight for us?"

"I didn't know how. You were so…" He searches for the right word. "Sure. You knew you didn't want to go to Cali, and I couldn't make you stay."

"I would've if you said the word," you say. "Even though I was miserable in Colombia, I would've come back if you asked me to because that's how much I loved you. Even if you'd just called me after I got here, we probably could've worked something out, but I'm marrying the love of my life in less than sixty days. And I've never had to beg him to stay with me or give him an ultimatum and question if he loves me because he wakes up every day and shows me how much he wants to be with me. I can't walk away from that."

"Does he know what you did down there?"

"Of course, he does." You say, annoyance buzzing in your molars, and you cross your arms over your chest.

"Does he know everything?"

"You mean, does he know I've killed people?" You ask. "Yeah, it was super fun trying to explain that to him. You want to hear about how I hyperventilated through the whole thing, or do you want to ask me another question to try to undermine my relationship?" He purses his lips and shakes his head.

"No," he says. "I just don't think you know what you're getting yourself into."

"Fuck you, Javier." You spit. You don't know the last time you used his full name like that. Something about it feels wrong and makes your skin crawl. "You left one girl at the altar over a decade ago, and you think you know about marriage?"

"That's not fair."

"No, what's not fair is you coming here and making me feel like the bad guy for moving on. I deserve to be happy. I've worked, and I've cried, and I've fucking killed for it, and the second I feel like things are going my way, you do this!" You yell.

"I love you." He says again, like it'll change anything. The pressure behind your eyes returns, and you turn away from him, but he catches your wrist before you can. "Listen to me. I love you. I love you. I love you." He repeats over and over again, but all you hear is, "I love you, but I can't come with you." "I love you, but I need this." "I love you. Isn't that enough?"

You rip out of his grasp and punch at his chest with tears slipping down your face. He takes it, still saying that he loves you, and for some reason that hurts more. You push him hard and watch him stumble back, his brown eyes tracking the tears down your face.

"If you really love me-"

"I do." He cuts you off and you take a stuttering breath.

"Then, let me be happy," you beg. "Let me go. Please. If you love me, you'll do that for me."

You feel pathetic, standing there crying like he shattered your heart all over again as he just stares at you and thinks. You want to go home. You want this to end. You want to never see him again.

Maybe in twenty years, you could stand to face him again. You'll be happily married, and you hope he'll be, too. You'll have a few kids, and you'll tell stories about them and Harry will pull pictures of them out of his wallet. You won't hurt anymore. Maybe when your daughter goes through her first heartbreak, you'll find the courage to tell her about Javi. Maybe all this grief will be worth something someday. You want it to.

But right now, you're just the girl he didn't love enough to leave Colombia for, and he's not the man you love enough to marry.

He clears his throat, his own tears glistening in his waterline, and nods.

"Okay," he mumbles. "I'll tell Stoddard I had a family emergency or something back home. Get the first flight back." Your eyes flutter shut at his words, and you try to keep yourself from crying more.

"Thank you." You say.

"I love you." He says again, and you open your eyes. He's grinding his teeth again, and his hands are in his pockets as if he's forcing himself not to reach for you. You give him a small smile and nod.

"I know," you say. "I'm sorry."

Just as you did at the airport all those years ago, you stand awkwardly far apart, unsure of what to do now. He waits for you to change your mind. You won't. He'll get on the plane, and that'll be it.

He nods to himself one more time before turning to walk away.

"You do deserve to be happy. I've never doubted that. I wish I could've given that to you." He says like he's trying to convince you he's a good person. You sniffle and spin your ring around your finger.

"You did for a while. It's just Harry's turn to do that now," you say. "Goodbye, Javi." He opens his mouth like he's going to say goodbye or something else, but you turn your back to him and start walking toward your apartment before he can.

You figure, after everything, it's only fair that you get the last word.

You didn't sleep. You knew you wouldn't. Astro seems to sense your anxiety and cuddles into your chest, purring loudly to try and drown out your thoughts. You reassure her you're okay and kiss her head as the inky blue sky is replaced by a stunning pink and purple morning.

A good omen, you hope.

You force yourself to get up and get ready for the day. It's Saturday and a fire station breakfast day. It's never anything fancy: donuts picked up from a nearby cafe, greasy fast food breakfast, sometimes cold pizza. Today, you walk to a nearby bodega and pick up his favorite breakfast sandwich with two steaming cups of coffee before walking to the fire station.

It's cold, and D.C. hasn't quite woken up yet. It'll be a few hours before life returns as people sleep off hangovers or long weeks. That's okay. This morning is just for you.

The garage door is wide open when you get to the station, and Harry is perched on the back bumper with the firehouse dog, Maisie, whispering things to her. He looks tired. You don't think you look any better, but he still lights up when he sees you, and Maisie even starts wagging her tail.

"Hey there, stranger," you greet him as he pulls you closer and smirks up at you. "You have a good night?"

"No, but it doesn't matter now that you're here." He says. You would normally roll your eyes at his cheesiness but your chest fills with warmth instead. You lean down and kiss him. He smells like smoke but tastes like the chapstick you make him wear because of the heat. Maisie sniffs at the bag in your hand, and you laugh against his lips when she licks your arm.

"I think she's jealous." You say, and he sucks his teeth as he looks at Maisie.

"You have breakfast, you little terrorist." He reminds her but he immediately folds when she gives him that innocent look. "She can have one piece of bacon, but that's it. We need you trim to get up in the trucks, right?"

You pull a piece of bacon off one of the breakfast sandwiches and make her sit and shake before you give it to her. She crunches on it happily, knowing she's absolutely spoiled rotten. She makes space for you to sit next to Harry on the truck and you rest your head on his shoulder. "You okay?" He asks as he kisses your hairline, and you nod.

"Just missed you," you say. "I couldn't sleep last night." He makes a sympathetic noise and wraps an arm around your shoulder to tuck you further into his side.

"Were you thinking about Colombia?" He asks and you hum. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Not right now."

"Okay. You wanna hear about why our kids will never be allowed to buy candles ever? No matter how old they get or how much smarter they think they are than us?" He changes the subject easily, and you laugh despite the pain still radiating in your body. You know he'll be there when you're ready to tell him about last night, no matter how long it takes you, and you will tell him. Eventually.  

"Hit me with it." You say as you unpack your breakfast sandwiches and pass him his coffee. Maisie wags her tail as you alternate between sneaking her treats and listening to Harry's story. He knows you're giving her extra snacks but won't ever stop you.

You sit there on the back of that dirty firetruck, talking and watching the sunrise together and debating on which version of white the napkins at your wedding should be— eggshell or cream— and know you'd do everything all over again if it meant this was the outcome. You love him with everything that you are and ever could be.

And as you eat your breakfast and soak up each other's presence, you find yourself hoping Javi could love someone like this someday. You believe he has it in him. You've seen it. Whoever ends up being the one to tie Javier Peña down will be lucky and loved.

It just wasn't meant to be you.

[cepheustarot]

What awaits you in June?

Attention! This reading is for entertainment purposes only. This tarot reading does not give a 100% guarantee that all the described situations will occur or being ultimate truth. You build your own life and destiny and only you know yourself best.

✧ Masterlist ✧ Paid readings

Pick a pile. Choose one or more pictures. Trust your intuition.

Pile 1: Now you may feel that you are in an indecisive state, in a situation that has not developed for a long time. Because of this stagnation you could not do anything, find a solution, you could generally feel at a dead end, as if you had no answers to the questions that have been tormenting you for a long time. In June you will finally be able to get out of this state, an opportunity will open up for you to do this, perhaps the situation will move forward and you will find some kind of solution or they will help you, lend a hand. The cards show that to a greater extent your condition is related to the situation with a person dear to you, it can be someone from your family or close circle, a friend or lover. In any case, here you will resolve the impasse, everything will be solved safely for you. The cards also show that your decision will affect your life and your well-being for the better, you will finally feel like a  stone fell from the soul, you will feel easier to breathe, you will feel happiness, some freedom, peace, tranquility, background anxiety will disappear. 

This month you will also meet a new person, they will be very friendly, open to you, sociable, quite attractive, has an alluring charisma, handsome enough, knows his stuff, is quite capable and not someone who worries about little things. As the cards show, it will be a good acquaintance, you will have a good time together, it will be interesting for you to talk to each other, however, from your side I see a certain distance, as if you are distrustful of a person and are in no hurry to open up to them, share something personal. Here is about the initial stage of acquaintance, when you just get to know each other, make up the first impression of a person, here we are talking about a slow rapprochement with each other. 

You will spend the remaining days of the month quite calmly and peacefully, you can often see your close friends, family or your siblings. It will be a good time, without quarrels and misunderstandings, you will really feel comfortable and safe.

Pile 2: You will be "in great demand" at the beginning of the month! Not a day will pass without meeting someone, a lot of people will want to spend time with you and will often invite you to meetings and, judging by the cards, you will accept their invitations. The maps show that you will often gather with a group of close friends but I can't say that you will have a big company, rather only those people whom you have known for a long time and with whom you have built a strong connection. You can also be invited on a romantic date! Someone can make a marriage proposal this month and someone can be invited to a wedding. In any case, you will have busy days here at the beginning of summer. 

Also this month, you will go on a trip that you have planned with another person. For some, it will also be a business trip. As the cards show, all the goals that you planned to accomplish during this trip will be fulfilled, all the places that you would like to visit will be visited, in a word, your plans and wishes will be realized. But there may be a quarrel, misunderstanding with the person with whom you went and partly this will spoil your mood and positive attitude, take this into account!

At the end of the month, you may have a joint project with people that will need to be done and submitted before the deadline. Some may have exams during this period or final tests. As the cards show, you will throw all the forces into solving these tasks, preparing and your efforts will be justified, you will get a good result, the one you wanted to see! But at the same time you will feel a lot of fatigue and some apathy, so you should pay attention to your rest and recuperation. Moreover, you had quite busy days before that.

Pile 3: At the beginning of the month you will have thoughts about changing something: this may concern both your social circle and your environment, you may want to settle in a new place, you will want to change your job, field of activity. But mostly the cards show that many will move and for some it will be a forced move when you are already happy in this place, but by coincidence and for certain reasons you need to move. You will leave past connections, past friends, you may feel sad because of this, but there is no feeling that you will now be alone in a new place. On the contrary, you are driven by curiosity, interest, since you are essentially expanding your horizons, it will be interesting for you to explore your new place, you will adapt relatively quickly. 

However one of your loved ones will not tolerate such a distance between you, perhaps it will even be your lover. This person will begin to respond coldly, will tell little about himself and little ask about you, will often disappear. It is very difficult for them without you, they are sad and worried, worried that your relationship will get worse, will not be so strong. You may also feel tired because of moving or some other kind of change of things, as it is emotionally and physically exhausting, you may not be able to keep in touch with your loved ones because of this condition, as you need to regain strength, adapt to a new place. 

At the end of the month, you will feel that it is very difficult for you but you will be able to get out of this difficult state. Remember that the transition to a new stage of life is always difficult and need time to deal with this, do not rush yourself and give yourself time to get used to it. As the cards show, you will definitely cope with everything and feel better, you will begin to feel a surge of vital energy, some activity will appear in you, a desire to do something. The cards also show that you will devote enough time to work or your hobby, you will be satisfied with what you are doing and you will feel pleasure. It will also help you improve your condition.

Thank you for reading! I will be glad of any feedback 🖤

[starry-eyes-love]

Nursing

Masterlist

Pairings | Husband Joel Miller x Wife F!Reader, No Outbreak, AU, One-shot

Summary | Your six week old daughter, Isabell, is fussy and won’t settle down enough to nurse from you.  Joel, being your soft and understanding husband (and an experienced father) soothes you and shows you how to relax. Who knew seeing Joel sing to Isabell, and whispering soft praises into your ear would help calm your fears at being a mom. 

Word Count: 2.7 K

A/N:  This is a super cute, soft, and fluffy story.  This one has been living in my head for a long time because well, being a mom sometimes is super hard. And no one talks about the difficulties with feeding your little one.  I just wanted a cute fluffy story with Joel being the best husband in the world. Enjoy :)  

Warnings | soft!Joel, fluffy!Joel, fluffy story, descriptions of struggles with feeding (nursing), Joel reassures you and tells you how great of a mom you are, age gap (but no specific age stated), slight body description but nothing too specific (reader just had a baby 6 weeks prior), Joel sings a lullaby, original character reference (Isabell, your daughter), this is just super fluffy so enjoy!

“Oh, I know baby, I know.” Joel said, slowly soothing his daughter while sitting down in the rocking chair.  “I know, the world’s so big and scary, and you’re just so little. It’s okay, daddy’s here honey, daddy’s here.” You watched Joel slowly quiet Isabell as he gently rocked her. He slowly hummed to her the same lullaby that he hummed to Sarah when she was a baby. 

You sat in the room that was washed with soft pastel colors, the warmth of the June sunrise gently creeping in through the half shaded window. It was early, the world not fully awake to start the day yet. You wished for a few more hours of sleep, something that you haven’t seen much of these past 6 weeks. You sat gently rocking back and forth in an old sewing rocker, one that was handed down through the generations of your family. The gentle creaks that it provided soothed you. It reminded you of the days when you were little, when you were the one that was fussy and needed to be gently rocked back and forth. Now, many years later and an adult woman, it was your turn to try to soothe the fussy child in your arms, Isabell, your daughter.

The tiny bundle of joy that you held in your arms was the reason for the lack of sleep that you and Joel had received these past six weeks. And right now, she was struggling to calm and soothe herself yet again.  She was exceptionally fussy at the moment, struggling to nurse, and she was letting the entire world know how frustrated she was. 

Sighing at your daughter you softly said, “You know little one, for someone so small you sure do fuss a lot. You’re just like your daddy, always fussing, aren't you?” With that statement your daughter opened her eyes and looked up at you, tears streaming down her little chubby cheeks.  You gently touched her head, full of hair that was dark and curly, just like her father. She was a blessing, a hard blessing at that. 

Joel and you had been married for eight years, trying to have a baby for the last six. You two didn’t think that it would happen, especially after all the tests were done. They couldn’t figure out what was causing your infertility issues.  Then somehow by some miracle, Joel convinced you to go on vacation with just him for two weeks.  It was everything that you two needed, a nice and calm relaxing vacation; one where you had conceived your daughter by the end. 

Joel and you had gone back and forth over names for months after you found out you were pregnant.  The two of you couldn’t decide on a girl's name. Every name that the two of you came up with just didn’t feel right.  You didn’t want to know the sex of the baby ahead of time, you wanted it to be a surprise.  

Joel was hell bent on wanting a boy, swearing up and down that you were pregnant with a boy.  Then when your baby came out, after 18 hours of hard labor, you watched your husband absolutely melt at the news that he gave you a little girl. You’ve never seen your husband cry so much in his life, tears of joy as he held his little girl for the first time.  When she was all dried off, he handed her to you while he kissed you gently on your head, saying that God fulfilled his promise to him.  At the time you raised your eyebrows at your husband, as Joel wasn’t a religious man.  But it was within that moment that the name Isabell came into existence.  Isabell, name meaning God’s promise. Both of you felt like her name fit the entire situation perfectly.  She was your miracle from above, one that you thought you two would never be able to have.

You were so lost in thought, remembering your daughter's birth as you continued to gently rock back and forth, not noticing Joel standing in the doorway. After a moment you heard him say, “I don't fuss darlin’. If anyone fusses, it's you baby.”  He was leaning up against the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest and letting out yet another yawn. His curly hair was unruly and messy, looking like he just woke up. He had on black sweatpants with a gray T-shirt, with faded words of ‘Miller Construction’ on the front of it. It was the same shirt he had on when you first met, when he proposed to you, and when you conceived your daughter. Now instead of being new, it was worn but had a ton of memories associated with it. And it was your favorite shirt to steal to sleep in. It was then that you realized you weren't the only one not getting enough sleep recently, especially at the worn out look on your husband's face.

Your husband, the amazing and caring man that he was, helped you out as much as possible with tending to your daughter. He was an experienced father, two girls that he still cared for. Sarah, his oldest, was biologically his and now was 16. Ellie, who was his adopted daughter, was now 14. 

In Joel's eyes, Ellie was just as much his daughter as Sarah was. Ellie's parents, his best friends, had died in a car accident when Ellie was 10. Joel had immediately taken her in, looking after her, and had requested to be her legal guardian. He was originally Ellie’s godfather, was present when she was born, and loved her like she was his own. A year after her parents had died, after all the adoption red tape was finally finished, Ellie Williams officially became Ellie Williams Miller, his daughter. It was Ellie's decision to take his last name on adoption day, still keeping her original last name with it.

“No Joel. I don't fuss, but you do, a lot.” You said, teasing your husband gently.  

Being a new mother was hard, it wasn’t like the storybooks that you remember reading as a child.  No story talked about the lack of sleep, the emotional ups and downs, the worry of not knowing what to do, and the anxiety of being home alone with a brand new baby that you didn’t know personally as your husband worked long hours. Intimacy wasn’t present at all for either of you, exhaustion being the biggest culprit.  

‘No sex for six weeks’ the doctor had told you on discharge day from the hospital. At first you were upset at that order, but now, six weeks later, you have no idea how you would have had sex anyways.  

Your body was a complete mess, bleeding for the majority of the past six weeks, something that was normal after delivery. Your hormones were chaotic, and you still looked pregnant as your womb slowly shrank back down to normal size.  Sex was the furthest thing from your mind, and your husband’s too. But now by the end of the six weeks, you finally were settling into a routine. Life was 100% different, that was for sure, but you were finally finding comfort in it.

You were shook from your thoughts once again by the baby in your arms starting to cry, upset at the world about something.  “Shhh, it’s okay honey” you said, picking her up and patting her gently on her back. After a few pats she immediately started screaming and crying loudly.  Tears started to gather at your waterline, frustration at not being able to soothe her.

“Gimme her,” Joel said gently, stepping forward after seeing you get upset.  You got up from the rocker willingly and handed him your daughter, tears streaming down your face.  

“Aw now come on baby girl, what’s the matter?” he said, gently bouncing Isabell in his arms.  It was in that moment that she let out a wail, telling her father, and the world, that she was upset.

Joel looked over at you and said, “Breathe mama, it’s okay” as he tended to his fussy daughter.

“I don’t get it Joel, I’ve tried everything. I keep thinking that she is hungry, but she won't nurse.”  You said, crying right along with your daughter.

“Do ya have a fresh bottle for her darlin’?” he asked, rubbing gentle circles on his daughter's back, trying to soothe her as she continued to cry.  You went to warm up a bottle of breast milk.  

The first two weeks of feeding Isabell was hard, she wouldn’t always stay latched as you tried to nurse her.  The doctor had told you to get a bottle that mirrored a human nipple, to try to get her to eat as she struggled eating in the first few weeks of life. You took her struggle personally, feeling like you were failing as her mother.  But your doctor, and Joel, had both reassured you that this struggle was very common for babies in the first few weeks of life. 

That’s why everyone said nursing was so difficult. Not only did it physically hurt to have her feed from you every three hours for the first six weeks of her life.  But the hardest struggle was whether she would be able to stay latched on. For you, nursing was something that you wanted to do but this constant struggle was making it hard, and making you very upset.  You just wanted to feed your baby, and not feel like a big fat failure as her mother.  That was something the storybooks never seemed to mention. Oh the joys of motherhood. 

As you handed Joel a bottle of warmed up breast milk, you watched him try to soothe his daughter. Joel was an experienced father, and always knew just what to say or do.

“Oh I know baby, I know.” Joel said, slowly soothing his daughter while sitting down in the rocking chair.  “I know, the world’s so big and scary, and you’re just so little. It’s okay, daddy’s here honey, daddy’s here.” You watched Joel slowly quiet Isabell as he gently rocked her. He slowly hummed to her the same lullaby that he hummed to Sarah when she was a baby. 

When he got Isabell to quiet down enough to feed her, he gently placed the bottle by her mouth, encouraging her to latch. She slowly accepted the nipple, quieting once she got some milk in her tummy. All you could hear now was the gentle creaks of the chair, and her gentle suckling noises as she was fed.

“There you go baby, just like that.” Joel said, rocking his daughter as he fed her from the bottle of your breast milk, gently singing the lullaby now outloud.

“Bye-o-baby, bye-o-baby, bye-o-baby, bye-o-baby bye.  Daddy still loves you, daddy still loves you, daddy still loves you, my bye-o-baby bye.”

As you sat there and watched your husband feed his daughter, you started to cry, but this time it was tears of joy.  Joel was the most tender and loving man you had ever seen. So patient and understanding, and so soothing, not only to your baby girl but also to you.  “Ya wanna try to nurse her again baby?” Joel said quietly, looking up at you sitting in the corner, arms hugging yourself.

“No you got her to eat and-”

“C’mon darlin’, let's see if she'll nurse again” he said, standing and gently walking down the hall to your shared bedroom.  You quietly followed, not wanting to disturb the sleeping teenagers in the room down the hall.  You had no idea how those two girls could sleep through all of the wailing your daughter just did, but teenagers could sleep anywhere. 

Once you got into your shared bedroom, Joel motioned towards your side of the bed and said, “Take off your top darlin’, and sit down.  Don’t sit against the headboard though, I’ll give her to ya once you’re situated.”  

You raised an eyebrow at Joel, wondering what he had planned for you, but you followed his instructions without question.  You learned quickly with Joel that when he gave you parenting advice, especially with a newborn, that you should listen to him.  He raised Sarah by himself, since she was a newborn as her mother had died a week after giving birth to his daughter.  You didn’t know much of that story, something that Joel never wanted to talk about, so you didn’t press him. You couldn’t imagine being a young single dad, alone with his first daughter, trying to raise her by himself after he just lost his wife.

“Ok, I’m all set” you said, while looking over at Joel who was swaying side-to-side gently, holding Isabell.  

“Ok little one,” he said, speaking to his daughter. “You need to eat from your mama, cause your mama is only trying to help you. I love feeding you baby girl, but mama needs to nurse you right now, ok? Daddy will stay right here though, so no fussin’.”

Joel slowly handed Isabell to you after taking the bottle out of her mouth.  She immediately started to fuss. You tried to silence her by getting her to latch onto you right away, but once again, she wouldn’t latch on, so you couldn't nurse her. You were just about ready to give up when you felt your husband grab you by the waist and pull you backwards, situating you hard against his chest.

Joel had removed his shirt before he sat down behind you, his back was now against the headboard. He wrapped one of his arms around your side gently, holding Isabell’s head as he whispered in your ear.  “Baby, ya gotta relax, you’re so tense. C’mon mama, breathe.”  Joel was slowly kissing you on your neck and bare shoulder, attempting to get you to relax.  

“You’re an amazing mom,” Joel said, whispering in your ear.  “It’s okay to be scared, honey. Hell, I'm still scared, even with raising Sarah. But that’s normal with being a parent. But this honey, ya gotta relax and trust in your instincts. Isabell knows what she needs, baby. She knows how to nurse, she wants to nurse. But ya gotta relax so she can. She’s hungry mama, and she needs your milk. So give her what she needs.”

Joel was gently holding Isabell’s head at your nipple, trying to encourage her to latch. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. When you exhaled you tried forcing yourself to relax, to trust the guidance from your husband. As soon as you relaxed, you felt your daughter latch on where she finally started to nurse.  When you opened your eyes, you looked down at her and saw her feeding from you. She had the most beautiful big eyes that you’ve ever seen. You sighed a content sigh, especially when you heard her make the cutest little suckling noises that she did. 

“She looks just like you with those big eyes,” Joel said, holding you close to his chest and kissing you tenderly on the cheek. You were silently crying, emotions taking over you once again. You felt Joel wrap his arms around your waist and slowly massaged your belly, while gently brushing away the tears from your cheek. 

“You carried her right here for nine months,” Joel said, laying his large palm over the lower part of your belly.  “You gave me the best present in the world, another beautiful baby to love. So stop your fussin’, thinking that you’re not a good mom. Baby, your body has already done miracles. And I'm damn proud to be your husband, and the man that gave you her, our little miracle.” 

You looked back at your husband, at the tenderness that he was giving you, lip quivering slightly.  Joel leaned forward, gently kissing you on the mouth. You parted your lips and allowed his tongue to have access to your mouth. He gently massaged his tongue with yours; slow, delicate, and in no rush to advance it into something else. His kiss said everything to you, that he was proud of you as a mother, wife, and person. But most of all, this kiss told you that you were his true soulmate, and that he loved you unconditionally. When he pulled back, he gently wiped the tears from your eyes once again. He pecked your forehead before leaning back against the headboard and taking you with him.

You sat there, your bare back to his bare chest, breathing together in unison, as your daughter quietly nursed from you.  You couldn’t believe that 12 years ago, a simple ‘hello, what can I get you’ in a coffee shop would lead to having a family with the man behind you.  It’s been a long and hard road, but one that was worth it in the end.

End story

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