#IMPORTANT ADVICE FOR NEWLY OUT TRANS GIRLS:

[hellsitegenetics]

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Closest match: Laburnum anagyroides genome assembly, chromosome: 25 Common name: Golden Chain Tree

(image source)

IMPORTANT ADVICE FOR NEWLY OUT TRANS GIRLS

If anybody tries to isolate you, cut you off from other friends, or convince you that they are the only person you can trust or who can be capable of loving you, run extremely far away in the other direction

While transition is a process that takes place over time, it is so important that you love yourself for who you are in the present. You are lovable now; there's only harm in believing otherwise or deferring your happiness until you feel like you've "earned" it

You can perform a double jump to reach high places by pressing the jump button while in the air

[lycandrophile]

I’ve been struggling for a long time (almost 5 years now) over whether or not I’m trans. At this point I’m think I might be, but I’m terrified of loosing all the stuff I love about womanhood. The friendships, the clothes, but mainly being able to call myself a lesbian.

I think I really need to confront my gender, but I don’t know if it’s worth loosing all of these things that mean the world to me, advice?

fun fact: you don’t have to lose any of those things to be trans!

your friendships don’t have to change. sure, if you get to a point where you pass as a guy / are seen as not-a-girl in some way, new people might treat you differently and approach friendship with you differently, but the friendships you already have won’t have to change at all. absolutely nothing about my friendships changed when i came out; there’s no way of being friends that’s exclusive to women. and if a friend does treat you differently just because you’re trans? that’s on them, and it honestly might be a sign that you’re better off without them anyway.

you can wear all the same clothes you do now. my wardrobe hasn’t changed at all since i came out. i’ve always chosen my clothes just based on what is most comfortable for me, so i’ve been perfectly happy keeping all of my old clothes. my body and the way other people see me were the things i felt the need to change, not my clothes. i might not have the most masculine wardrobe ever, but it’s what i’m comfortable in and that’s the important part. if anything, being trans just expanded my wardrobe instead of changing it — i kept wearing all the things i always liked, but i also started to look in the men’s section and found even more things that i like wearing.

and you don’t have to stop calling yourself a lesbian just because you’re trans. it’s one thing if being trans also means the label doesn’t feel like it fits anymore, but if it still feels right? you can keep using it as long as you like. nonbinary lesbians and transmasc lesbians and lesboys and trans men whose love for women still feels gay and people whose only remaining connection to womanhood is the fact that they’re lesbians and multigender people who are lesbians because of their womanhood while also being other genders and people whose genders are just butch or femme or dyke and nothing else all absolutely exist, as do trans guys who don’t personally call themselves lesbians anymore but remain part of the community because it still just feels like their home; you’d be far from the first person to transition while holding onto an identity that’s still meaningful to you, even if it sounds contradictory to other people.

i’ve gone through similar processes of trying to reconcile newly discovered parts of my identity with the parts i’d already accepted, and you’d be surprised how often the answer to the dilemma is just “i guess i’m both, unless/until i decide one of them doesn’t feel right anymore.” i don’t talk a lot about my specific identities on here but they’re full of so-called contradictions. the thing about queerness is that it’s never been about making our identities “make sense” or “sound right” to other people. queerness is automatically looked down on by most people as wrong or unnatural or confusing or just completely unintelligible, and the job of queer people is not to make them more intelligible but to embrace them despite the fact that most people think we’re ridiculous for doing so. the only person your identity has to feel right to is you; no one else matters.

any shift in identity is going to feel like a massive change when your old identity is one you lived in for a long time and grew attached to, but being a big change doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a loss. of course, if it feels right to let go of some of the old to make room for the new, do that, but never feel obligated to do so. if you aren’t ready to let go of something associated with your old identity yet, let those things stick around while you welcome the new stuff in and see how they get along. you aren’t on any kind of timeline; you can take the transition slow and only let go of things once you feel absolutely sure that they aren’t serving you anymore, even if that means never letting go of some of the things other people say you should want nothing to do with. some of us are happiest when we embrace identities and ways of moving through the world that make absolutely no sense to anyone but us.

so my advice is this: don’t run away from this. it’s not fair to yourself to live your entire life in a limbo space of perpetually agonizing over your identity but never doing anything about it. the best thing you can do is give yourself permission to explore these feelings in their entirety, rather than only focusing on the things they might take away from you. i know it’s scary, but i guarantee you’ll come out happier on the other side no matter what you end up identifying as. knowing more about how you want to be seen and how you want to live life is only going to help you be more satisfied with the life you’re living — you can’t be happy if you never give yourself the space to learn what being happy means for you.

if, at the end of it all, you do end up letting go of some of the things you feel attached to now, it’ll only be because you found something that makes you even happier and feels even more right. and if you don’t? you can live the rest of your life holding onto all of the things you love about womanhood without actually/entirely/only being a woman! there are no rules; gender and queerness have no limits except for the limits of how far you’re willing to go to truly know yourself.

[spacemallowpirate]

Pirate's Post-Op Trans Girl Tips #5

--

Whew! Okay I wrote two other entries but COMPLETELY forgot to post them. Now that they're posted here's post 5! Hi, I'm Pirate! A Trans woman who had zero-depth bottom surgery a little over 6 months ago! I've been logging my experiences and notes and posting them here in hopes of even one other person pulling away something useful. As my surgery was zero depth there isn't any advice about dilation. If you have a question feel free to reach out!! I'd be happy to help.

This post is a bit more freeform than the last 4, since those were lists. In the last 6 months I've noticed a few things about post-op me. For one, the joy still hasn't entirely faded. Sometimes I reach down and think my old genitalia will be there, just for there to be empty space and pure joy! It's a feeling I don't think I'll ever get tired of.

As of today, the swelling is almost entirely gone. For those of you who are wondering: underwear will always fit differently. That's just something to get used to. If you're sitting on a bed or the floor (anywhere your legs are up) you're gonna get it in between your new genitalia and your thighs. It's weird and inconvenient and something that definitely wasn't expected.

Remember y'all: a Vagina ISN'T FLAT. It's a bulge from your pelvis. And yours isn't so different to someone who was both with one's. I was talking to some people and they were self conscious about it - remember that no-ones genitalia is just a hole in their body. Embrace it! Your new genitalia is yours! Everyone is unique, and you are no different.

--Tw: Sex and Sensuality

On a sexual side of things - Libido goes brrrrr. Like goddamn it was weird. I decided to... experiment... One time, I learned I still produce liquid (that was a surprise, I was under the impression I wouldn't be able to) and suddenly my libido was back x10. Like seriously it was wild. I do wholly suggest experimentation though. New genitalia means new erogenous areas, new places you like touched or played with you didn't expect. You'll react differently, feel differently - for me I am much much more sensitive now. TMI here - I was never a...loud person before. But now? Everything is Newly sensitive and I'm still learning about it and I'm reacting like it's my first time every time. You should keep in mind though - your vagina is trans, not cis. This isn't a bad thing, but you have a few different sensual areas from a normal person. Your clit is formed differently, meaning more area may be sensitive above the labia; you don't have a g spot, but every bit of your new genitals *were* formed from very sensitive tissue Etc. Etc. Essentially experiment with yourself a lot. You have a shiny toy - play with it! And don't just focus there - you're having a wholly new experience here. Your new boobs? Stomach? Legs? Who knows what you like being touched now that your sex experience is different.

-- End TW

Okay now for the all important and every overlooked topic - peeing. Peeing with new genitals, even now, is an experience. You'll definitely need to use more toilet paper that you used to, by a lot. Keep a few rolls around - you don't want to be doing the waddle of shame when your downstairs is lightly piss soaked. Also, cause of all that wiping you need to focus more in the shower. Little pieces of toilet paper are gonna get caught in your folds, and you don't want those dwelling down there!

On the topic of showering - no more using normal soap and hoping it works! I went to a hotel recently and learned just how important special soap is important to your little roast beef buddy. (I will never forget that itchy burning feeling -_-) make sure you're cleaning there thoroughly, and exploring so you know you're washing everywhere. This is entirely new to you - you don't know it in and out yet, but you want to make sure you do. Also keep it dry! It should be the first thing you dry off - inside the folds and out - so that you aren't using something damp to dry it. Remember that UTIs are easier to get now. You don't have a hose between your bladder and the outside world, you have a small little pipe. Bacteria can get in there easier, so hygiene is more important.

Okay, what else. Healing at 6 months is pretty well done. I was able to painlessly (surgery wise at least, my back isn't loving it) go horseback riding with the blessing of my surgeon. And some more...active...activities in the bedroom don't cause pain or stretching. All in all at 6 months is sah I'm healed enough that I can relatively easily go about my daily life. Certain things still cause issues - hair growth down there is strange, and I definitely get light perineum pain at times. But by 6 months I'm mostly healed.

Okay that's everything I can think of at the moment! I know this post was more of a free running story than bullets of advice, but I hope it's still helpful! Please please please reach out if you need anything! I'm always happy to help! I'll probably post about this again, but not for a while. I hope all of your unique journeys go well!

- Pirate

[acloudofsparklingdust]

hi

I was also raised 7th day Adventist and I’m a closeted lesbian. I don’t hate my religion..because I personally didn’t have a bad experience with it in my childhood, but it clashes a lot with my beliefs and well parts of my identity. I’m feeling a bit helpless because this religion has been a big part of my life, a lot of strong women I look up to in my life are sda, and my local sda community is very wholesome. And by now you can sense my reluctance in letting it go. I’ve been coping by thinking I should find a gay-friendly sda church once I move out.. if I ever get married. What’s your journey been like? 🪴

Hey! I don't meet a lot of sda online, it's interesting to hear a different perspective. I'm gonna go into everything, bc my experiences with sda really shaped me, and yeah, it's been a wild, not so fun ride.

Basically I was baptized catholic as an infant, but my family isn't practicing catholic. My mom is very religious, and wanted me to have a good education... In Brazil, we have very poor public education in primary and secondary school, and the best schools are the private ones... Which are also religious schools. So I wound up studying in a sda school from kindergarten to highschool graduation.

So from a young age (4 yo) I was raised on my school's religious beliefs. I was really involved, and my childhood best friend was also sda, she lived a couple floors down from me and we'd hang out often, and her family would bring me to church on Saturdays (there was a sda church across the street from the apartments we lived in). I was the staple Christian child, I prayed every night and every morning, apart from all the prayer at school ofc. At 8yo they did a talk at school about the importance of baptism, and I asked my parents to allow me to be baptized as sda. My mom surprisingly didn't want me to be baptized again, not so young, but my dad said I should do what I wanted, so I was baptized again at the school's church. Literally the school had an auditorium for our weekly religion-related classes, which we called "chapel", and was basically like going to church – but mandatory, as it was during school time. This specific school also had a church built on the side, so yeah.

During my early childhood through preteen years I had no issues with the school's teachings and sda ideology. It was all I had ever known, my family encouraged religion and we'd also sometimes (rarely) go to catholic church. I honestly didn't even realize people could not believe in god until I was 12/13.

I had never really heard much about being gay, or being anti gay during primary school - I may have forgotten having ever heard it from teachers. I only heard about homophobia from peers, and so I knew that being gay was a bad, evil, gross thing.

When I was around 11/12 we moved to a smaller town, and I started at a smaller Adventist school. I was the only one in my small newly found friend group who was baptized, and moving was very traumatic for me, so I started becoming less active in church. I became severely depressed because of the move and other stuff at home, and turned to the internet for a distraction.

I first heard about atheism from a youtuber, and he was known for his controversial takes (he's pretty nasty, it's only gotten worse with time but anyway). I guess a mixture of depression, becoming a teen, having my rebellious phase, I started researching into it.

My religion teacher (we had "religion" classes, but they should really have been called "7th Day Adventism classes") was much harsher than the one I had at my first school. This was around the time that Twilight was a big deal, and I read those books sooo many times for comfort, I got into Harry Potter etc. Not long after I moved to this school, we had a religion class about how Harry Potter was inspired by the devil. My books were often confiscated during class, even if I had already finished my assignments and was reading quietly, even if they were just on my desk. Being super depressed and introverted, with very few friends, books were my refuge. Having the teachers look down on them and literally say they were devilish and evil really started to shift my view of the religion. I knew these were good books, I loved them. So how could they be evil?

I have a very strong memory of praying and praying once and begging Jesus and god to help me, to give me a sign, because I was terrified of losing my religion, of losing god. All I had learned my whole life was that god is good, god is love etc. How come god wasn't helping me, my family, through some of the worst times? How come I was alone?

At around 12/13 my cousin came out to me as bi, and soon after another cousin came out as gay. I barely fully understood what that meant, and the internet was again where I researched about it. I realized I liked girls at the time, but I never understood you could even be married to a woman, as a woman. Even though I knew I liked and was attracted to girls, I never let myself think too much on it. The school was pretty obvious about how marriage is between a man and a woman, our "sex talk" was a class with our religion teacher. Bio talk was split, the boys left the room so we could learn about female anatomy and stuff, and then the boys had the room, etc. Our religious teacher was very adamant about how one shouldn't have sex before marriage, and marriage was between a man and a woman so...

Honestly the basework they laid was to erase homosexuality. I didn't even grasp that I could be anything but attracted to girls, I didn't realize I could do anything about it.

And then in highschool, I guess bc we were old enough, they finally started being outspoken about their hatred of gay people. There would be snide comments from the Portuguese/Lit teacher, a disgusting talk from the History teacher about how gay men's sexual activity leads to anal incontinence, the Religion teacher saying it was wrong, comparing it to criminality, the school's vice principal giving us a lecture and making sure to hammer in the worst thing anyone could turn out to be was homosexual.

At this point I thought I was okay with my same sex attraction, I thought these things weren't getting under my skin. But then I learned about being trans, and I came to the conclusion that since I was into girls, I couldn't be a woman. I identified as trans from around 15-19. That was internalized misogyny and homophobia, that was me actually letting all the snide little comments settle deep in me, and shape who I was.

Anyway, at around 14 I was done. School was teaching us that bastard kids aren't blessed by god (me and my siblings are all "bastards" as my parents were never married). They told us couples who lived together and we're never married were not blessed by god, and implied they were bound to have issues for their sin.

I was a teenager living in a broken home, my father was emotionally abusive to me and my mother, and honestly at the end of the day I had to choose if I wanted to believe in a god who was supposedly love itself, yet didn't protect me and my young siblings and my mom... Or not believe in god at all.

Leaving the church and coming to terms with not believing in god was one of the toughest times in my life. My depression was in the gutter, I was self harming, I was struggling. I remember thinking of my cousins, whom I was very close with growing up, and knowing they were good people, so how could god not love then? I remember thinking of myself, of all I had done for the church, for god, and wondering how could god not accept me.

For me, the church was poison. I only saw hypocrisy, I saw people who judged each other, who cared more about their own concepts of right and wrong than being mindful of others. I saw my teachers who preached being kind, but ridiculed and laughed at other religions and those who believed them. When I was questioning religion, I always had sooo many questions for my religion teacher and so often she just told me that some questions were too big for us to understand, that only god could fully comprehend himself.

I'm proud to have come out the other side, but I won't lie. The community that church represents does seem so lovely and welcoming. I wanted to be a part of something, and church offered that.

But at the end of the day, there's no space for me, a lesbian, in there. They don't believe gay marriage is okay, they don't condone our "lifestyle". They think this is a choice we're making, and a bad one at that.

The childhood friend I mentioned earlier, who I used to go to church with, actually came out as a lesbian a couple years ago as well. Her sda family is giving her a really hard time. She's left the church, last I heard.

Honestly, my advice would be to find other community. Find community with other lesbians, people who can accept you unconditionally, who can offer you support without small print. That's what I'm trying to do.

I personally am against christianity for a lot of other reasons besides my very negative experiences. Maybe that's not you, and in that case I guess finding a church that is LGB friendly can be the answer. I couldn't judge anyone for choosing to stay, because like I said I really understand how nice it can feel, how it's like you belong in this community, how it can feel like the church is family.

But I really suggest deep soulsearching, because in my experience all they ever did for me was suck all my energy, all my devotion, and spit me out when I was never going to be the heterosexual good girl they expected me to be.

Sorry for the super long answer, I hope this helps some? If you wanna talk more in private you can hit me up through DMs, I'm very willing to listen and talk about it.

[floatingcatacombs]

Becoming a Woman: Fukaboku, Kanoboku, and Identity Through Artstyle

12 Days of Aniblogging, Day 5

This year, I read two mangas with trans identity and gender nonconformity as their primary themes. The first, Fukakai na Boku no Subete wo, focuses on a bunch of vulnerable teens running a ‘girlyboy’ (scanlator’s word, not mine) café and navigating their identities within. The second, Kanojo ni Naritai Kimi to Boku, concerns itself with a newly out trans girl in high school, and her friend’s struggles to help her and also work through her own gendered issues. On the surface level, these mangas are very similar, both containing plenty of melodrama, angst, and painful exploration of gender. Hell, both even have crossdressing characters working in restaurants. Where they clearly split, though, is artstyles. While Fukaboku renders its characters with kind and forgiving bodies, the art in Kanoboku is often in direct opposition to the characters’ goals.

Fukaboku stars a nonbinary protagonist who finds and starts working at Question, a café for ‘girlyboys’ or whatever you may call them. The other servers at Question are all AMAB people who present as female while working there for various reasons – one hides his gay relationship by passing as female, one just really likes cosplay, and one, well, really genuinely wants to be a girl. But it doesn’t matter their reason or intent of dressing up. Fukaboku’s soft artstyle renders these characters very fluidly. A change of outfit can really make the difference between presenting male or female, and even when the servers are next to cis female characters, they still pass perfectly and are visually indistinguishable.

One of the main characters has an older sister, a trans girl who explicitly has trouble passing as female in the story. Despite this, every time we see her, she looks perfectly feminine, the only noticeable challenges being that she’s a little taller than everyone else and doesn’t always wear breast forms. It’s a cruel joke contained within the cutesy artstyle – she looks perfectly feminine to the reader, but some trait invisible to us causes her to get clocked.

Overall, Fukaboku’s soft and cutesy artstyle suits its messages well. Exploring identities is a constructive activity, it never hurts to try and change aspects of your presentation and see how you feel, and gender can be quickly performed and undone, if desired.

 Kanojo ni Naritai Kimi to Boku is a different beast, coming to many of the same conclusions through the exact opposite methods. A character’s ability or inability to pass is not told to the reader like in Fukaboku, instead it is painstakingly depicted. Akira towers over everyone, and her shoulders and body are far broader than any other girl’s. Her girl’s uniform is far too baggy, and she’s very prone to distress-based blushing and sweating that hampers her whole presentation even further. Watching someone desperately try and fail to pass is absolutely miserable, especially having so viscerally been there.

While Fukaboku is very clearly about exploring identity, Kanoboku has a slightly different angle. Instead of focusing on Akira, we spend most of our time with Hime, her childhood friend who tries her best to support her but is constantly strung up over not knowing how. From her viewpoint, there’s a lot more focus on “How do I be a good LGBT+ ally?” Luckily, Hime’s friends, family, and teacher all have bits of advice to help her. Stand up for trans people, but don’t speak for or over them. Don’t change your identities because of other people’s approval or disapproval, do it for yourself and the support will follow. Be there to help your friends when they face hardships for their identity, and in turn they’ll help you back. Hime repeatedly tries to change her identity as a response to other people – wearing the boy’s uniform to take attention off of Akira, cutting her hair and presenting unfemininely to avoid the male gaze. As her peers tell her time and time again, she must figure out how to change herself for herself, otherwise she’ll always be dissatisfied with how her presentation change didn’t make much different. As of right now, it’s unclear whether Hime wants to be a boy or if she is simply scared by undesired side effects of feminine presentation, such as being hit on by guys. Either way, between the unclear plot progression and Hime’s lack of results from her wardrobe shifts, the manga seems dangerously close to making a “you can’t escape the horrors of being a woman no matter what you do to change yourself” argument, which would be bad for all sorts of reasons. But we’ll see what happens!

It’s worth noting that Kanoboku does have a character who can crossdress and pass to the reader without an issue – Hiro, Hime’s friend who secretly dresses as a waitress to cheer up his sister who has been facing the horrors of Female Objectification at school. To do this, Hiro has to put tons of work into his presentation, from wigs to makeup to outfits. It’s unclear whether he’s being set up as a foil to Akira or not, but either way, it shows that this is still a world where it’s possible, just difficult, to pass as a different gender.

Kanoboku and Fukaboku share some central themes – exploring your identity is important, support your friends in constructive ways, respect each other despite your differences. However, in Fukaboku passing is taken as possible by default, while in Kanobuku passing is rather difficult, or at least out of reach for our protagonist, who can’t even grow out her hair because of her not-quite-accepting parents. With this major starting difference, it’s been interesting to see how each manga has unfolded, and I’m looking forward to where they’re each headed. On both sides, I hope these wacky kids keep sorting their shit out.

😭

[dancing-the-hellfire-rumba]

Dear Hannah,

Pairing: technically Destiel, but that’s not what this is about Word Count: 4.9k (wow wtf) Warnings: mentions of self-harm, cancer, shitty father John (as per usual), angst and angst and father-daughter love and angst. Summary: When Dean, strapped to a bed, coughing up a storm, catches sight of his newly-adopted baby girl, he decides that, if he is to leave this world, he has to leave something behind for his favorite person. So he writes a booklet, trying to tell her all the things he would’ve if he was alive. Author’s note: This was originally done for @welldonebeca​ ‘s 2019 Song Challenge but I fucked up thinking the deadline was the 31st of October instead of the 15th. Whatever the case, my prompt was movement, by Hozier, which I interpreted as Dean being fascinated by his daughter enough that he’s inspired to write a letter book to her. Of course this wouldn’t be the entire thing, but I had to keep it under wraps.

Feedback is always welcome! No beta, all mistakes are my own.

~~~~

Hannah,

Christ, it’s the third time I’m starting this. The truth is, I’m coming up with blanks as to how to actually start. This has got to be the best I’ve got.

I’ll tell you the moral of this story, my story,  from the get-go. Life’s a fucking bitch, okay? I want you to know that from now. I’d try to hold back on my swearing, but I want you to know me as the person I am, the person I’ve always been. I know what having an absent, terrible father’s like, as you’ll soon see, and I don’t want that for you. I wish I could tell you all this up close, give you advice, tell you all my crazy-ass stories as the dumbass of the teenager I was, and all the shenanigans your uncle (wow, Sam really is a friggin’ uncle!), by a campfire, while you drink your first beer.

Sadly, my odds aren’t looking so great, honey. So this is all I got. I know it’ll never be enough but something is better than nothing.

Enough with the chick flick introduction, though. Let’s start.

The pen’s heavy in his hand, and it’s equal parts the mental heaviness, the weight of the task, as it is his fatigue. Dean’s really just started this. He can’t believe it. The heaviness of uncertainty, of whether or not he’ll get enough time to finish it settles on his chest like an anvil. There’s a solid chance he doesn’t make it before his time comes.

Hannah’s sitting right there, carelessly looking at the plastic, grinning stars above her crib. She’s so innocent, skin creamy, chocolaty and bright, a young, fearsome woman that’s gonna turn out to be so incredible, he’s certain. A small baby who’s soon to walk.

Dean already knows, this kid is destined for great things.

She’s gonna grow up, past the tutus and the miniature racing-car collections, she’s gonna have a movie she’ll play on repeat for ever and ever, with a song that he’ll learn by heart after having heard it so many times. She’s gonna go to high school and she’ll be bullied but she’ll learn to kick some serious ass. She’ll develop interests, she’ll have mediocre grades but a fiery passion and a love for anything alive.

She’ll, then, go to college. She’ll fall in love, with people and life itself. She’ll do what she loves most and she’ll be so damn good at it, she’ll excel.

And Dean… Dean will be nowhere near her to see all of it.

The bitterness… it makes his eyebrows stitch together, his lip curl in clear frustration and sadness. After everything he’s been through, finally finding the person he loves most and creating a full-ass apple pie life, and it’s all gonna be gone as soon as it started. Because, as he told his favorite Hannah, life’s a fucking bitch, and there’s no denying it.

As he lays there in his bed, pale as a sheet, watching her giggle for a while, reaching for the stars, soon yawning, small eyelids shutting softly and rocking just slightly, he… he falls in love with her. This tiny, tiny happy-beyond-words creature that could ask anything of him, and he’d do it, god damn it. He really would.

A giant bubble grows in his chest, a bubble that makes him feel like he’ll protect her at absolute all costs. He’ll grab the moon and fucking move it if that’s what she needs. And all she has to do is yawn and fall asleep.

A tear appears in the corner of his eye, lingering and falling down his ashy cheek. He can’t believe he brought this bright ray of sunshine to this world, and he’s about to make her live with an absent father. That he won’t get any memories with her at all. It’s torture. All of it.

He doesn’t know what else to do, so he grabs his pen with more determination. If he’s to leave her with something, it’ll be a part of him and that is that.

~~~~~

I was born on January 24th, 1979, the first son of a, dare I say, colossally unlucky family. Your uncle, Sam, my brother, is four years younger and will ALWAYS be a wimp, don’t let the height fool you. He always had terrible, shaggy hair and was always the sharpest tool in the box. Hell, the boy went to freaking LAW SCHOOL of all places! That’s kinda crazy!

My parents, your grandparents, were Mary and John.

Mary was a sweet, incredible, fearsome blonde woman, kindest of them all. She’d cut the crusts off my toast, sing Hey, Jude to me before bed and tell me angels were watching over me. (While we’re on the topic of the Beatles, make a note to listen to them. “Hey, Jude” must be your first song, but beyond the classics [Let it Be, Hard Day’s Night, I Saw Her Standing There, I Wanna Hold your hand etc] I hope “Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds” will hold a special spot in your heart, much like me.)

So, Mary. Sweet Mary. She was a real badass, you know. This one time, Sammy was hungry, so I decided to make, get this, French fries. I think I was seven. She caught me getting ready to pour oil in a very hot pan. When I say she swooped in, I mean it, quite literally. I think she saved me a hand that day.

Now, about John…You’ll have to forgive the mess that I’m about to make with this, but John was a fucking sorry excuse of a father, alright? He got piss-drunk every night after Mom died, and naturally, Sam and I were the punching bags, sometimes literally. The best nights were the ones he wasn’t home.

For years, the house was silent. Sam and I tried to keep everything clean, stock up on canned food, because at times we would only have ten bucks to hold us for over two weeks. I took him to school, fed him, made sure he studied –not that I really had to- and kept John of his hair. At sixteen I picked up a shift at Bobby Singer’s garage, a man that, at this point, deserves the Dad title significantly more than John.

Whenever Sammy was sick, it was my fault. Was anyone loud? Dean’s fault. House dirty? Dean’s fault. Did we wake him up? …Let’s just say we learned not to do that.

I tried to put myself before Sam, did anything I could to protect him. There were times when that wasn’t even enough.

I dropped out of high school at seventeen. The second I saved up enough money, I rented a hole of an apartment at the other side of town, in an attempt to help Sam have a normal life, and we hauled ass out of there.

Before I tell you about our shitty apartment, let me tell you about the highlights of my high school career. Starting off with me “unintentionally” kicking a ball at my least favorite teacher’s face (and hitting him) ((Don’t take your father’s example, kid, violence isn’t the answer.)) (Did feel pretty good at the time though), making out with Jenny in the Janitor’s closet and with Arthur at the locker rooms afterhours (I don’t know what age you’re reading this at, but I sure hope it’s over 16). Also, that one time I pulled a prank at my friend, Cole. I spray painted his entire locker. He didn’t like me very much, to be honest…

~~~~~

An important story I feel inclined to share with you, would be the fact that I was once a bully.

Kids are just mean, but also, I couldn’t understand that troubles at home, traumatic pasts and anger are not to be taken out on other people who are not at fault. Instead of finding a healthy way to deal with everything that was happening at home, I decided that every happy person that was weak enough to meddle with, didn’t deserve any happiness.

I picked on a couple of people, but I think the one I will always regret will be Kevin Tran.

Kevin was a freshman when I was in junior year. He was in the Math club, the Science club and the Robotics club. He had maybe two friends, he was skinny, short, shy as hell, he drowned himself in oversized clothes and always carried a neon green book bag around, that worked on me like red cloth to a bull.

Every time I spotted the bag in the hallway, the drill would start. Shoving the poor kid against the locker, calling him names and laughing at his face for no apparent reason. I’d steal his calculators when I found out he had chemistry tests, spray paint the door of his locker and cause rib bruises from my shoving him against walls and furniture.

I soon find out Kevin was severely depressed. In fact, I saw him in the back of the school, where I’d usually go out to smoke because I thought it was cool (it’s not, it makes you light headed, unfocused and struggle to breathe. Just an all-around terrible experience, but this is just a side-note.)

It was a Friday after school. I didn’t wanna go straight home and Sam still had one more period, so I decided to go smoke and listen to some music in the back of the school building. And that’s where I found him.

I don’t know into how much detail I should go here, but Kevin was harming himself. With a small pocket knife, he sat on an old basket and made incisions on his arms, tears running down his face like a faucet. My God, Hannah, I’ve never felt like a bigger piece of shit in my life, because I knew, and I knew very well, that at least part of those incisions were caused by me.

I called out to him, and the look on his face, as he scrambled away from me, made me feel so much worse. I was the scum of the earth at that moment. I was the biggest asshole on the planet.

My initial reaction, I’ll admit, was pretty harsh. I grabbed the pocket knife out of his hands and threw it as far as possible in the grass. I grabbed a small first aid kit I had in my bag (in case anything happens to Sam), made him sit down by force and bandaged him up. He’d been reduced to sniffles by the time I was done.

Somewhere in between, I remember, he asked me why I was doing this. I didn’t answer.

Eventually, when I was done, I sat on the ground in front of him, ripping blades of grass from the ground. I apologized. Something along the lines of “I didn’t know, not that that’s an excuse. What I’m going through is not an excuse, but I hope it makes you understand that it was nothing to do with you. I’ll stop. I’m sorry. Don’t do this to yourself, man.”

That evening, Kevin was one of the very first people who found out about John. His own dad had passed away, and things at home were rough with his mom. That, along with the whole depression thing… it wasn’t a good combo.

After a solid two hours of talking with him, making amends, apologizing profusely and getting my apology accepted (which I absolutely didn’t deserve by the way,) we made it back out front.

From then on, I stopped picking on anyone. Kevin and I actually became really good friends, though we drifted apart eventually. I think he works in Google now.

This is really important. I want you to pay attention and take heed of my words. There are a couple lessons in this story.

One, be kind. Always  be kind. To everyone. It doesn’t matter if they’re going through a rough time or not, the same way it didn’t matter that Kevin’s father was dead. You don’t know the other person. There’s never a reason to not be kind, if the person has done nothing to you. A smile can make somebody’s day, a compliment can go a long way, and being open and honest and kind will make people who are looking for help find you, it will make other’s lives better, and if you’ve helped even a single person, your life has been successful.

Two, never, and I mean never take your emotional pain out on yourself, or others. There are healthy ways to deal with ugly emotions. There are people who can help. Find a new hobby, as silly as it sounds. Start doing something creative, something that draws your attention elsewhere, like art of any kind, or, in my case, fixing cars. Something to keep you busy. If you’re in trouble, emotional or otherwise, there are people who love and support you, who will do their mightiest to be by your side, and if those aren’t your friends, they’re definitely your family.

Bottling up emotions, or dealing with them in horrible, unhealthy ways has been my go-to. Don’t be like me. Express yourself in different ways, and don’t keep your feelings shoved under the carpet, because it will, absolutely, unceremoniously explode, and you’ll take people down with you. And that’s when you’ll feel like the worst person in the world. The guilt, the residue of said ugly feelings isn’t worth it. Trust me.

If you make mistakes, if you hurt people who don’t deserve it, learn from it, grow, be better. Do not sink into yourself , don’t hate yourself. Apologize, make amends and move on, try to never do the same thing. It’s okay. We’re all human. The only thing that matters is that you try to be better.

No matter what, remember that I will always love you.              

~~~~

So. Our apartment back in Kansas was, as I told you, a real dump. It had a tiny-ass kitchen with a miniature stove, two mattresses that were creaky and lumpy and were left there by the previous owners, as well as the TINIEST bathroom you’ve ever seen. It didn’t have shower walls, it had a shower head and a drain on the floor and was not in any way separated from the toilet. The walls of the place were peeling, the floor was tiled and cracked in a bunch of places and the humidity must’ve been over 80%.

I fucking loved that place.

On our third day there, I borrowed some spray paints from Cole, carried them in a cardboard box up the claustrophobic, green stairs, and opened the door in absolute triumph. That day, Sam and I opened the two windows, scratched the paint off the walls with two spatulas and went WILD. It must’ve been the only day Sam didn’t study.

Actually, no, now that I think about it, there was another time, when little ol’ ten-year-old Sam fell off a ledge and freakin’ broke his arm. I dumped him on Cole’s bike and pedaled to the hospital like a maniac. That was the first day he didn’t study.

Anyways, that apartment wall made our crappy little living situation a home. Our own sanctuary. We finally got agency over our lives, from staying up late, to choosing which type of dish soap we’d use because it smelled better and didn’t remind us of the terror chores once were. Eventually, we got soft blankets, books, board games, decorations… Finally, after 18 years, we’d started our lives.

I think one of my favorite memories would be coming home from my first date with a guy. I was just 18 and Benny, the dude, kissed me before I left, his fists clutching at my flannel. I was driving home with a giant, dopey-ass smile, stretching from one ear straight to the other. That same night, with new-found confidence, I told Sammy to drop his book, bought ourselves some beers and snacks, and drove to my favorite clearing.

There, right under the stars, with Sammy trying out his first beer, I told him I’m bisexual, and the cute bastard hugged me and told me he loved me no matter what. That same night, he thanked me for everything I did for him while living with John. We talked until the sun was rising.

I’ll tell you this right now, kid, in case you haven’t gotten it yet. I love Sam. Love him to bits. I raised that kid all on my own and will do anything to protect him. I know he cares for me, I know it kills him to see me like this, in a bed, pale, miserable and coughing every three seconds. I just want you to know, honey, that whatever you need, anything at all that, for some reason, you don’t want to tell Dad, you go to Sam, okay? You can trust him to be supportive, loyal, to be there for you when no one else is and to love you like you’re his own daughter and best friend. I promise you, he will always, always be there when I’m not.

That night made us grow so much closer. The lesson here, I’d say, is be bold and confident in what you believe in and who you are. Be your own, unique self, be brave, and love whoever you choose to fully and with your whole heart, without shame, ever. If you are yourself, I promise, you’ll find the people that love you for you, not the person you’re pretending to be. You’ll inspire other to be themselves.

A good example of this would be my best friend, Charlie. When I came out, I was armed to the teeth to deal with whoever wanted to bully me for that part of me. To tell you the truth, my school coming out was a mishap. It takes nothing but a risky make-out session in the janitor’s closet and nosey students that rip doors open far too violently. Nevertheless, I was literally out of the closet, fists up. And that’s exactly when I met Charlie.

With her comic book stories and her books, her bubbly personality and bright smile, she wiggled her way into our lives and permanently stayed there. She was a freshman when I was a senior, but she seemed to find sanctuary by my side, as I did by hers. She was just one of those people who clicked, you know? Far too mature and interesting for her age, with an obsession with computers, even back when they were barely even a thing.

She now lives with her long-term girlfriend, Gilda, who owns the best bakery in the state. Ask for the apple pie, you will not be disappointed.

Charlie demanded of me to tell you, first off, to watch Marvel and screw DC right to hell (with which I have to agree, though Batman still remains one of the coolest Superheroes of my childhood (and Joker, the coolest villain)). She also told me that, if you read this, go ask her for her comics, She’d love to let you borrow them and she’s certain you’ll love them. Second off, she asked of me to tell you the Impala story…

It’s not as grand as she makes it out to be, honestly. However this is the part where you’ll learn all about the one and only Bobby Singer.

Bobby was my boss, an old friend of dad’s John’s and the first person who ever saw the bruises under my sleeves. He gave me a job, a family, and later on… a car.

Bobby owns a scrapyard. He taught me everything I know about cars, including driving, and for my seventeenth birthday, he brought a dusty, beat-up car in my workspace. The hood was bent, the seats were torn, and the engine needed immediate replacing. The customer never paid the price for the compartments the garage had paid, so under store policy, the car was ours.

Hannah, I can’t exactly describe to you how long it took me to repair that car. Buying the spare parts and assembling them would’ve probably taken less time. I built her from the ground up, it took me almost a month and a half of daily, eight-to-six work, but I made it. I fixed her up. She was in prime condition, and I had completely fallen in love with her.

I finished working on her early January, dreading the moment I would see her drive away. Bobby had seen all the effort, by then I’d worked at his place for over a year. So, on the day of my birthday, I opened my locker to put on my jumpsuit, when I saw a box placed on my neatly folded clothes. I’m sure you’ve guessed it by now. Yes. It was the keys to my dream car. A beautiful, sleek, black 1967 Chevrolet Impala, the one I had brought back to life. And it was all mine.

I don’t think I’ve hugged Bobby any tighter since then. Hell, I don’t think I’ve hugged him period.

That car… That car is probably the most stable thing in my life, apart from Sam, obviously. I’ve cried in that car, I’ve escaped from my terrible past, I’ve laughed, I’ve had my first time, I’ve been through breakups and I’ve spent my best days with it. I cherish it more than any other item I know. It’s not even an item, it’s my baby. I love it almost as much as I love you.

I met your dad, and kissed him for the first time in that car.

It’s actually a pretty fucking hilarious story. Cas was on a date with this guy who was completely disgusting and creepy as hell, so in true  movie fashion he decided to, get this, jump out the bathroom window and escape.

Yeah.

So just as he was running out of the bar, the guy must’ve caught wind of him or something, because he stepped outside in order to find Cas. What did your dad decide to do, I hear you ask? He ducked behind a car in the parking lot, opened the first unlocked door he found, and jumped in.

Spoiler alert. It was my car.

I was sitting in the front seat, fighting with Sam through text when the door opened. It was highly comical, watching this guy duck behind the bench seat, mumbling “oh God, oh God, oh God, please don’t see me, oh God.” I cleared my throat.

“Oh, I see you, buddy.” That’s the first thing I told him. The look on his face and the genuine yelp, made me laugh a full belly laugh, and completely forget about my fight with Sam. He apologized profusely, explained panicked what had happened and begged me to stay in my car just for a couple minutes so the guy can lose him.

Long story short, we ended up going out ourselves. I don’t know how to explain it… we just clicked immediately. Like, there was a connection. Him and his big words, his baby blue eyes, his steady, deep and rough voice… I knew right away that all I wanted was to spend time with him, learn everything he was willing to share with me.

I’m so glad to have met your Dad. He was, is and always will be one of the best, kindest, most humble and genuine people on the planet. He sees the world from such a beautiful point of view that contradicts my eternal realism (he enjoys calling me pessimistic.) He’s a genuinely great person, and I can’t wait for you to figure so out yourself, if you haven’t already.

Of course, it wasn’t all fine and dandy. Meeting his parents was hellish. Let’s just say, Chuck and Naomi aren’t… the best people. They tried really, really hard to stop us from seeing each other, and eventually, they completely disowned Cas. He doesn’t like to talk about them much. His brother, Gabriel is an asshole, but a loveable one, while his other brother, Michael, you probably don’t know about. And you shouldn’t. Let’s just leave it at that. If Cas wants to share that story with you, he’ll do it at his own time.

I’m sure there’s a lesson to be learned here. Something about, when finding your person, to keep them, fight for them, don’t stop loving them because everyone else is telling you (unless of course that person is toxic). But I don’t think I can give you solid love advice through a dumb book. Every relationship is different, and your Dad’s better at this than me anyways.

--

I don’t know exactly how long this thing is, by this point, but I’ve almost finished the pages of this booklet. I was really, really worried I wouldn’t finish it in time, but here we are. However many thousand words later, and I’m clueless as to how to wrap this up.

My life isn’t over yet, however it looks like it soon will be. I will confess to you, I’m scared, but most of all I’m angry. I’m angry at the world, at life and fate, if that’s even a thing, at God even. I’ve fought my whole life for peace and quiet, and right when I have found it, it’s being ripped from under my feet. Cancer fucking sucks.

No matter, my chin is up, and so are my fists. Winchesters don’t give up easy. I will fight this until my last breath, even if the chance of watching you grow up and being able to tell you everything I’ve written face-to-face, is nothing but a sliver. After all, impossible odds were always my favorite.

Sweetheart… I don’t know what to say. This might be the only thing you have left of me for the rest of your life, and it tears me up inside. Of course, I will not be able to write thirty five years of experience in a small book such as this, but this is a part of me, memories you can keep all to yourself. Ask Dad or Sam about any of it, I’m sure they’ll fill some gaps, tell you things I haven’t written.

I don’t want you to cry much, even though I’m not sure you will at all, given the fact that you’ve never met me. Either way, whether you feel or think anything of me or not, I want you to know that I love you so much. I’ve only known you for a couple of months, and, already, you’re the brightest ray of sunshine in my life.

I promise I will be by your side no matter what happens, through every milestone and hardship, I will love you from wherever I am.

Honey, please stay true to yourself. Never give up, no matter what curveballs life throws at you. There’s always reason to keep going, even if you can’t see it. Always keep fighting, ‘till your last breath, ‘cause you’re a Winchester and you’ve absolutely got this.

If there is something I want you to remember from the scribbly mess I’ve made, it’s this:

I love you. I’m proud of you. I believe in you.

Go get ‘em, tiger.

 Bonus:

Tears streaming down velvety soft cheeks, dainty fingers gripping the book tightly, like her life depends on it, Hannah stares at the ceiling and groans at the mess she is. It’s the second time she read that last bit, and just as she thought she’d gotten over it, here she is, crying just as hard as the first.

She gets off her bed, pulling on her sweater sleeves. Feet in slippers, she makes her way down the corridor, knocking on the door, and opening when she gets an answer. Her fingers grip the doorknob, the other clutching the book, and she stares at the bed, watching as green eyes look up from his laptop.

“Why did you give this to me, you ass, you’re not dead,” she sobs, and Dean pushes his laptop to the side, arms opening wide to invite her in them.

“Aw honey,” he coos, a gentle, loving smile on his face. Hannah climbs on the bed and slides to his side, curling up in his arms. “It’s okay.” Fingers stroking her hair gently, as sobs wrack through the poor girl’s body. Dean almost feels bad.

Just then, Cas appears in the doorway, having heard Hannah’s cries. He sees the booklet clutched in her arms, her face buried in Dean’s neck, hidden behind her spring-curly hair. He makes eye contact with his husband, a knowing half-smile on his lips, as he leans on the doorway.

“I love you,” Hannah says, nose stuffed and running. “Thank you for not giving up on a relationship with me, even when you didn’t think you’ll survive.” Tears wet Dean’s eyes, as he presses a kiss on the crown of her head.

“I love you too.”

[tmitransitioning]

this might be a stupid question but how common is sexuality change on t? i really want to go on it, but i've been having anxious/intrusive thoughts about my attractions changing. i've never questioned my sexuality and always have been very comfortable with it (always liked liking guys, never had any interest in girls). is this something i should be worried about or is it more of a rare thing?

This is actually a really common concern, if that helps, but I don't think we have any hard statistics on how common it actually is to experience. From anecdatal experience, I think that actual changes in your attraction patterns are very rare, and that part of the concern over this for a lot of people comes from how "changing the identity label you use in light of new information about yourself" gets conflated into the same thing. But the latter is a lot more common for people newly discovering that they're trans, not necessarily going on hormones (or getting surgery). Learning that you aren't the gender you thought you were for a long time recontextualizes how you relate to other people, which can sometimes make people feel more comfortable exploring attraction to people they wouldn't have allowed themselves to feel attracted to before—e.g. a trans woman who previously identified as straight feeling like she's more comfortable dating girls when she is also being acknowledged as a girl, and "changing" her identity label to bisexual to reflect this.

That isn't exactly the same as what you're asking, but I include it because I think that it's important to differentiate here between changing the label you use and what is essentially an outside force acting on your attraction. Loads of people go through label changes throughout their lives, which is totally chill and okay. A smaller number of people prefer to phrase this as their actual sexuality changing, often because they felt "locked out" of having one at all before transitioning, which is also chill and okay. What it sounds like you're worried about is having testosterone change your brain so fundamentally that it makes you start liking girls and/or stop liking guys entirely, and I don't think that's as big of a concern as your brain believes because hormones don't really have any bearing on our orientations. Like, science has actually studied this. There are a LOT of people trying very hard to prove, for example, that lesbians exist because of "fetal testosterone exposure"; some of those scientists also believe that the same hypothesis creates trans men. They are, to put it politely, full of lies, and there's been no hard proof ever that hormone exposure has any bearing on your sexuality. I feel confident in extending this to HRT.

As a fellow intrusive thoughts haver, I think it says a lot that you are experiencing these thoughts as intrusive. Intrusives aren't what we want; they're horrifying or repulsive to us, or scenarios that we're so afraid of that we can't get the fear out of our heads. If you're afraid of something outside your control taking away your control over your sexuality and making you do XYZ, then I don't think it sounds like you actuallly /want/ XYZ, or like it's part of your inherent sexuality at all. It sounds to me more like the part of your brain that makes intrusives has chosen anxiety about T as fuel to torment you. That doesn't mean you have to turn it off like flicking a lightswitch, but it might be helpful for you to treat the thought like you're factchecking it—tell it why it doesn't make sense. The reasoning you've listed here makes perfect sense to me and doesn't suggest that you would be attracted to girls on T. If you were, that would be okay! You wouldn't be betraying yourself or "playing into" the intrusive. But it also doesn't sound like it would happen for you, based on your previous attraction patterns.

Common medical advice with intrusive thoughts is to practice mindfulness techniques to release your anxiety about the underlying thought process, or to desensitize yourself to the thing that's stuck in your head so it no longer makes you anxious. Neither of these are bad approaches, but they're more for intrusive thoughts about, like, accidentally harming animals; if you had an intrusive about hurting your cat, your therapist might ask you to sit in the same room as that cat and interact with them until the thought "learns" that you're not Really going to hurt them (usually while practicing anti-anxiety breathing techniques). You can't really do that here because there's no way to exposure-therapy yourself for something like this. What you /can/ do is talk back to the thought. Personify it; call it Craig or Karen and ask it why it thinks making you anxious is an okay thing to do. Tell it that it doesn't make any sense. Name it as an intrusive, and let it know that you're Onto Its Shit, /Jeremy/. A two-pronged attack usually works better: "You're trying to make me anxious about something that wouldn't be bad and that I have no evidence I would ever do." This doesn't necessarily make intrusives go away, but it can help you dismiss them after a while with "dude, c'mon, not again".

TL;DR (I can't bold from mobile, sorry): It is incredibly rare for this to happen, and if you're having intrusives about it then you're more likely just anxious. Even if your sexuality did change, it would be morally okay, but the fact that you're worrying about it so much means that it is super unlikely to actually happen for you. You're good, and free to live your dude-loving life.

- Mod Wolf

[gabriella-lost-in-the-big-city]

“...and one day you’ll grow up to be a strong, independent woman just like your mami”

by Gabriella J Bolanos

This is a very sensitive topic about me, but over the course of the past six weeks of this hellish semester, I realized the importance of giving trans people a space of their own in the world of “maternal” / “woman’s” (A.K.A. Cis-woman’s health). I loathed the maternity nursing lecture, mainly because the double dose of problematic WASPs was too much for me to swallow on a weekly basis. However, those five days at Mt. Sinai’s labor and delivery/postpartum floors was such an uplifting, emotional, and sometimes conflicting moment. Let me just put it out there that yes I am transgender, and I own up to being a transgender woman. I am proud to be a transgender woman, and I don’t see myself being anything else. However, society has not advanced enough to where transgender people are respected by women and men as viable women; and science has not advanced enough to where they can put a functional uterus in me. I had a lot of experience observing and participating in the births of numerous children 3 of those 5 days, many of them being families who were introducing their first child to their lives. I enjoyed seeing the face of young fathers and mothers feeling nothing but pure joy as they hold their just born child in their arms. It’s honestly an amazing privilege to be able to witness a moment so intimate, so groundbreaking, so heartfelt, so pure like the birth of a newborn. However, in the back of my head, I could never shake the feeling of jealousy and resentment of these mothers. I will never be congratulated for being pregnant with my child. I will never be congratulated for spending all those hours in labor or overcoming all of the pain to deliver my baby. I won’t feel that overwhelming burst of emotion holding my newly born crying baby on my bare chest. Sometimes I feel like I won’t ever be a “real” mom because I’ll never have the opportunity to do things that our heteronormative society tells us a mother does.

*Side Note: Why is there no gender-neutral term for “person that gives birth,” it’s always when the mother does this or when the mother experiences that or when the mother holds her baby for the first time… mother is clearly a gender-charged word, but in reality, it’s not always a cis-female that gives birth, there are transmen out there that give birth, and gender non-conforming people that give birth – and I highly doubt that they would want to be referred to as the “mother.” One time during lecture, one of the instructors “tried” to be inclusive and kind of touch on this idea that LND may not be as heteronormative as we tend to think it is. However, things quickly went south when she started to bring up the example of trans people giving birth. And so she says “ I had a colleague tell me that she one time had a transgender mother, male to female, give birth…” and I don’t know about you, but as far as I know, transwoman cannot give birth – and if somehow they can, PLEASE LET A GIRL KNOW. So essentially, I am 99.99% sure that she meant to say that there was a transgender man who gave birth but instead chose to mis-gender the father who gave birth. Anyway, I hope one day this changed and we see a bigger presence and respect of LGBTQ (esp. Transgender people) in maternity health and in woman’s health in general.*

I have always wanted to be a mom since I could remember, or I guess I’ve always wanted a family of my own and I didn’t know that meant becoming a mother until I realized that I was a transgender woman. A part of my desire to be a mom comes from a desire to make up for the mistakes my mother made raising me – in no way was she the worst mother to have, but we never really saw eye-to-eye, she internalized most of her emotions, she never really understood me, she never really could sympathize/empathize with me, she was never pushing me to go after my goals, it took her forever to accept the fact that I was trans, and along the way made me feel like a complete, worthless piece of shit for being who I am. However, at the end of the day, although I can’t 100% forgive her or honestly say my relationship with her was healthy and beneficial, she is still my mother and luckily she eventually got it together and now accepts me for the woman I am today, her daughter. I want to learn from my parent’s mistakes and be the parent I always wanted/needed growing up to my future children. Additionally, there is a bond you can’t recreate or break between a child and their mother. For example, I wouldn’t say my sister is the most positive mother, she can let her frustration and anger get the best of her around her child, she can be overwhelmed with work or too focused in her personal life to spend whatever time she does have with her child. However, no matter how many times my sister yells at him, spanks him, or leaves him behind to be cared by someone else, my nephew will always tell her how much he loves her and comes to her defense whenever me and my sister fight. This was a complicated lead up to the fact that I part of me wants to have a child so they can unconditionally love me, because I feel so lonely in this world sometimes, to know someone loves me, means the world to me. Although some parts of my desire to be a mom come off as selfish, in all honesty I want to have kids one day to take care of them and smother them with nothing but love, raise them to be “woke” individuals in society, take them to soccer practice or piano lessons, help them with homework, remind them that they matter and no matter how stressful things get, they will overcome all obstacles eventually, support them with whatever career/academic decisions they make, take care of them when they are sick, give them advice on love and life, the list goes on and on. I even have baby names picked out, even though adoption will most likely be my route of raising a family (unless someone wants to give me their second child) – so if I have a newborn son, I want to name him Brandon Mauricio Bolanos, and if I have a newborn girl, I want to name her Jacqueline Celeste Bolanos – cheesy names, I know. So Brandon comes from my obsession of Beverly Hills 90210 from the summer (Brandon Walsh was definitely my dream guy) and Mauricio comes from my father’s middle name and my original birth middle name – a part of me has a little guilt for being trans as I am my father’s only child and I know how important it was for him to have a “son” and I would have been the only person to pass down the family name as all of my cousins on that side of the family are girls. Therefore, I want to give back to my father somehow, but naming my son after him – not that I have a reason to feel guilty for being trans. And in regard to Jacqueline Celeste Bolanos – I just really like those names, it's different, and not something you hear every day. And ideally, I would like a third child (my favorite number happens to be 3), but the name on that one is a TBD for now.

I love the idea of being a mom, and can’t see myself not having a family of my own, but I can’t help to have my fears about it as well. Honestly, my biggest fear is getting into a fight with my child and having the phrase “well you didn’t give birth to me, so you’re not my real mom anyway” – I honestly believe if this ever happens I would kill myself right there and then because that would just crush me beyond the point of any possible repair. I also worry about if my child going to accept that I am trans? Is the world going to accept me as a transgender mom? Are the kids at school going to say to my child about me being trans? Is he going to get bullied for it? What are the moms at the PTA going to say about me? All of these thoughts, good and bad, swirl around my mind whenever I see a birth, or see a pregnant woman on the subway, when I see a baby in a stroller, or when my friends complain about never wanting to give birth, or when people randomly ask me if I want to give birth or if I am a mom. I don’t know if I’ll ever accomplish this goal of becoming a mom, finding someone to help raise our children, I hope that one day they would look up to me as their loving, successful mother and eventually I’ll be trying to keep up with the numerous grandkids I’ll be expecting. Until then, I’ll continue to hold babies like they are my own, envision a future of a full, loving family, and hold my tears back whenever things get emotional, and be optimistic that one day I’ll hear the word “mami” come out the mouth of my son, daughter, or GNC child.

[out-there-artist]

Coming Out

Coming Out

This is a post that I thought I’d never have the guts to announce to the public. I always thought that I was going to be ridiculed and, in a way, persecuted for what I believed. Coming from a Catholic school especially, I never thought I’d fit in. But I had been so wrapped up in suppressing my own feelings to not realize that others around me, even close friends, were supporting and even carrying my same burden. Many believe that homosexuality is a sin and that it is an abominable act, but I began seeing that this was not meant to be my personal belief about two years ago.

My parents are very homophobic in the case of “love the sinner, hate the sin.” My mom gags whenever she sees two of the same gender kiss or show any sign of affection on TV (hence I am not able to finish watching Teen Wolf, a show that I love, that showcases homosexuality in a usually positive light, until I move out). A point I want to raise to the public is that my mom, and many other parents worldwide, would allow their children to watch a heterosexual couple kiss and even do more things that I will leave to your imagination. But one modest kiss on the lips between a LGBTQ+ couple? It turns the parents off.

But I think that punishing someone because of who they are naturally attracted to should be considered a sin. When we put restraints on how far love can go, what else will we restrain? How far peace is allowed to go? How far generosity is allowed to go?

I was raised to believe the homophobic lies against an innocent group of people. As I was still unsure about how I felt about it, I experienced attractions to other girls. I thought that it was normal to find girls attractive in that way. Sometimes I would be gripped by fear of judgement of the catholic community, other times I thought I was just overreacting to a simply pretty girl, sometimes even fascinated that I found women attractive like “gays” did, using the term as a derogatory one, which I now find pernicious on my part. I am ashamed of what I believed the community to be. In the end, all the “hate” I reeked with was just a scared foggy mist I used to cover up my true colors.

Until I did my own research. Then I began growing to understand that it was okay to be attracted to who I was attracted to. I learned that it is okay to be who I am. After being ignorant to an entire community of strong, beautiful people, I am ready to say that I am joining their community.

I am a 17-year-old girl with the pronouns she/her. I am out-there-artist on tumblr (previously scorpiusmalfoysgirl due to an awkward phase I went through), and I love music, art, acting, writing, poetry. I embrace my Hogwarts house, Slytherin. I hate math and science, which is something about me that will never change. I am catholic, and I love colors. I suffer from common mental illnesses including anxiety, depression, as well as ADD, which affects my everyday performance in school. I love fandoms including Star Wars, The Hunger Games, Percy Jackson, Harry Potter, Legend, Maze Runner, Marvel’s Avengers, and many MANY more. I’m still alive because of musicians like Halsey, Billie Eilish, NF, Conan Gray, AU/RA, Sia, Ruelle, Arshad, and countless more. These facts about me are true, as is my identity. I am currently identifying as lesbian and queer.

I really want to thank some people out there. 99% will never, ever see this post, but I want to say thanks to the friend that I sent a photo of my secret painting of an LGBTQ+ girl to at 11:00 at night, begging her not to tell anyone, which she agreed. I honestly think that she knew what my sexuality was before I did. It was also this friend who introduced me to an artist called Wrabel, who wrote an empowering song called “The Village” which describes a trans boy’s struggle living in a girl’s body. Even though I am not transgender, this song’s overall message to the LGBTQ+ community hit me incredibly hard, and helped me hang in there when no one seemed to understand.

I also wanna thank one of my friends that I’ve known since I was little. She told me about her sexuality, and it made me feel a little more accepted. I just recently told her about my own identity, and she expressed her total support, which means the world to me. She told me to take my time coming out, and she gave me advice on how to continue living a happy life after settling on my identity. So this is to you, my friend. I know we’ve had a bumpy friendship sometimes, but I’m so glad I have you as a friend. Much love.

I wanna thank tumblr. I know it’s cheesy, but the handfuls of supportive LGBTQ+ community members on here really allowed me to learn about sexuality and taught me I was not a misfit over the past year.

I want to thank a role model of mine named Ashley Nicolette Frangipane. She is a musician that is more commonly known by her stage name Halsey. When I stumbled upon her Badlands album in 2015, I realized that I found someone who struggled with my same issues. Her music spoke to me in a way I never imagined it could. When she released Hopeless Fountain Kingdom, she also released some incredible gay bops such as Strangers, Clementine, and Bad at Love. She became even more important to me when I discovered that she was bisexual. And she has become such an inspiration to me, and she helps me hold on. Her songs have actually saved my life more times that I would like to admit. If I ever get the opportunity to meet anyone famous, it would be Halsey because she saved my life, and she reminded me that I can be myself, and that I matter.

I want to thank a friend of mine that I met a year ago at a conference. He came out to me as gay, and wrote up a document about how he doesn’t let other people define who he is, and he can embrace his sexuality ad be happy as a gay guy. I texted him and told him of my situation, and he showed his support for me, which meant a lot.

I want to thank my grandma for being such a believer in me. She never knew I was lesbian, but I was the last grandchild to talk to her in person before her sudden passing in March that broke my heart. She always encouraged me to take my own path in life. She told me that she supported me no matter what I did, decided on, or believed. To a closeted lesbian, this phrase comforted me extensively. Grandma, I love you so much and I miss you so much. I don’t know how I’m going to keep on going without you, but you made my childhood special. You taught me to believe in who I was, and you told me to come over to your house any time I wanted or felt like it. You even offered to let me move in a couple times! All of this made me so grateful, and I couldn't have asked for a better grandma. Words can’t describe how much I love you and how much I miss you.

I wanna thank everyone involved in any type of art form. From music to writing to dancing to acting to designing, to EVERY SINGLE PERSON OUT THERE EXPRESSING THEMSELVES ARTISTICALLY, Thank you for your support and your talents that express a very vulnerable part of who you are as an individual. You are one of the reasons that I feel comfortable expressing my sexuality artistically.

Lastly, thank you everyone that I know and meet who support me, and please continue to have hope for homophobic peoples around the world, that they may learn that love has no boundaries, and that we are human too.

Alright, your newly-inducted lesbian is outta here. Peace <3

[buykamagragoldonline-blog]

Weight Management

Americans are obsessed with both food and dieting. As a nation, we love to eat. We eat out often, when meals are often higher in fat and calories than meals eaten at home; we eat larger portions; and we indulge in dozens of delicious “new” food products found on our grocery store shelves every year. But we also spend billions of dollars a year on commercial weight-loss products and services hoping for a quick fix to our weight problem. And what a problem: with all that eating, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reports that 68 percent of the nation is overweight or obese. What’s more, dieting is failure-prone, and the statistics are even worse when it comes to those who can keep the weight off. The answer to this weight loss/weight gain cycle lies in how you manage your weight on a day-in, day-out basis. Your diet—the way you eat—is ingrained in your lifestyle. To change your weight—whether you want to lose a few pounds, or more, and keep them off—or to ensure you don’t succumb to the expanding-waistline syndrome, you must permanently adopt a healthy lifestyle. Unfortunately, it’s not just all that tempting food that stands in the way of your efforts to achieve or maintain a healthy weight. Technology has altered Americans’ lifestyle. Most of us, most of the time can be found sitting—in front of a computer or TV, in a car, at a restaurant. About a quarter of adults—and an even greater percentage of women—report they are sedentary and engage in no physical activity during leisure time, and less than half exercise regularly. And as women age, their tendency to be sedentary steadily increases. Being overweight increases your risk for many diseases. If you are overweight, you are more likely to develop heart disease and stroke, the leading causes of death for both men and women in the United States. Overweight people are more likely to have high blood pressure, a major risk factor for heart disease and stroke, and high cholesterol, also a risk factor. They’re twice as likely to develop type 2 diabetes—a major cause of death, heart disease, kidney disease, stroke, amputation and blindness—as those not overweight. Additionally, several types of cancer are associated with being overweight. In women, these include cancer of the uterus, gallbladder, cervix, ovary, breast and colon. Being overweight can also cause problems such as gout (a joint disease caused by excessuric acid), gallbladder disease or gallstones, sleep apnea (interrupted breathing during sleep), and osteoarthritis, or wearing away of the joints. Anyone with risk factors for health problems must be concerned about extra weight. It all seems so simple: eat less, exercise, lose weight. But few people succeed in losing more than a few pounds on diets and even fewer succeed in maintaining that weight loss. An estimated 90 percent of dieters regain the weight in five years. One reason is that many factors other than overeating can play a part in weight, including your genetic makeup, cultural influences and natural hormonal and neurologic regulators. Extreme dieting programs can sometimes be harmful and are rarely successful over the long term. Thus, weight loss should not be your only or even your primary goal if you are concerned about your health. Instead, the success of your weight-management efforts should be evaluated not just by the number of pounds you lose, but by improvements in your chronic disease risk factors, such as reduced blood pressure, cholesterol and blood sugar levels, as well as by new, healthy lifestyle habits. In fact, some experts believe that weight is not the sole cause of the diseases associated with being overweight, but that the accompanying unhealthy foods and sedentary lifestyles also contribute to these diseases. On the flip side, some women are underweight, despite having tried to achieve or maintain a “normal” weight. Having a metabolism that burns too many calories can be as dangerous as being overweight. Underweight women are susceptible to vitamin and mineral deficiencies, resulting in a loss of bone density and muscle tissue. A Word About Teens Teenage girls today feel a lot of pressure from the media, friends and sometimes their own parents to be very slim. This pressure can create a distorted body image, making them see themselves as fat when they are not fat, or they see themselves as fatter than they really are. According to the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA), 40 percent of newly identified cases of anorexia are in girls ages 15 to 19, and over half of teenage girls use unhealthy weight-control behaviors, such as skipping meals, fasting, smoking cigarettes, taking laxatives and vomiting. Fad dieting can keep teenagers from getting the calories and nutrients they need to grow properly. Stringent dieting may cause girls to stop menstruating and prevent girls from developing adequate muscle tone. If the diet doesn’t provide enough calcium or vitamin D, bones may not lay down enough calcium, which may increase the risk ofosteoporosis later in life. The flip side to teenagers feeling pressured to be thin is that some may have legitimate concerns about their weight that adults dismiss. Adolescent obesity can carry serious lifelong health consequences. The best advice to teenage girls: Instead of dieting because everyone is doing it or because you are not as thin as you want to be, first find out from a health care professional or dietitian whether you carry too much body fat for your age and height. If you need to lose weight, follow the sensible guidelines laid out here. Depending on your age, your health care professional may recommend you eat more low-fat dairy products than is recommended for adults because of your heightened need for calcium.

Treatment

The key to weight management is incorporating three strategies into lifelong practices—eating healthfully, exercising regularly and, for some women, changing your relationship with food. Unfortunately, of the millions of American women who are trying to lose weight, a minority use this method. The most important key to success is to approach any changes in diet and exercise not as punishment, but as a plan to implement pleasurable healthy substitutes for unhealthy overeating and sedentary behavior. Eating for Weight Management Keeping in mind the biological reason we eat—to provide our bodies the energy and nutrients it needs to carry out the tasks we ask of it—is a good way to think about food. Since an estimated 90 percent of dieters who lose weight regain all or part of it within five years indicates that “dieting” is not the answer to weight management. The best “diet” is a way of life that you can follow for the rest of your life. Therefore, it should consist of a balance of a variety of foods. You can ask a nutritionist or registered dietitian for guidance on the number of calories you should eat to reach and maintain your goal weight. But as a rule of thumb, you should take in about 250 calories per day less than is needed to maintain your current weight and add an exercise regime that burns an additional 250 calories a day if you want to lose weight. This regimen should help you safely lose about a pound per week. Your basal metabolic rate (BMR) is the number of calories your body needs to maintain its basic functions. Several factors go into the calculation of your BMR, including your height, weight and age. To get an idea of your BMR, go to www.bmi-calculator.net/bmr-calculator. You need additional calories to provide energy for daily activities; the more active you are, the more calories you need. A more accurate method is to keep a detailed food diary over a few days to a week during which you maintain your weight. Determine exactly how many calories you eat on an average day—several books and websites provide calorie counts for thousands of foods—and use that figure as a starting place for weight maintenance or weight loss. After you’ve determined how many calories per day you should eat, plan daily menus. A registered dietitian or nutritionist can help you plan menus that include the types and amounts of food you should eat which, in most cases, should be based on the sensible guidelines set forth by the federal government in its 2010 Dietary Guidelines for Americans. The guidelines, available at www.healthierus.gov/dietaryguidelines, aim to help Americans lose weight in an effort to reduce the risk of obesity-related chronic diseases. The guidelines recommend balancing calories with physical activity and encourage Americans to eat more healthful foods, such as vegetables, fruits, whole grains, fat-free and low-fat dairy products and seafood, and to consume less sodium, saturated fats, trans fats, added sugars and refined grains. The easiest advice to follow is to divide your plate into sections. Half your plate at main meals should consist of colorful vegetables, one quarter of grain products such as whole-grain bread, pasta, whole-grain rice and cereals, and one quarter of lean meat, fish or poultry. Several times a week, you should substitute dishes made from dried beans or peas as your main course. You should also eat plenty of fruits and get three cups of low-fat milk products like yogurt or cheese daily. These guidelines will help reduce your calories and fat and increase the fiber in your diet, all of which have been shown to decrease the risk for heart disease. While you should try to cut back on fats and sugars, allow for an occasional treat. As soon as you label a food as “off limits,” chances are you will crave and perhaps even binge on it. A few simple ways to cut back on calories include: Hold the sauce. Dishes that include high-fat sauces, mayonnaise and regular salad dressings should be consumed only occasionally and only in small portions. Drink more water. And steer clear of calories hidden in drinks like juice drinks, alcoholic beverages, fancy coffee concoctions and smoothies. Avoid excessive fruit juice consumption. Eat high-volume foods. High-volume, low-calorie foods, like most fruits and vegetables, are high in water and fiber, helping you feel fuller longer. Up your intake of vegetables and cut back on fats and sweets. Focus on nutrient-dense foods. The 2010 Dietary Guidelines suggest replacing foods that contain sodium, solid fats, added sugars and refined grains with nutrient-dense foods and beverages. These foods include vegetables, fruits, whole grains, fat-free or low-fat milk and milk products, seafood, lean meats, poultry, eggs, beans and nuts and seeds. Health care professionals recommend women have moderate fat consumption, between 20 to 35 percent or less of your total calorie intake. Most fats should come from polyunsaturated fats and monounsaturated fats, which are found in vegetable sources. The Dietary Guidelines for Americans 2010 recommend consuming less than 10 percent of calories from saturated fats and restricting trans fats (also known as trans fatty acids) as much as possible. The guidelines also recommend limiting cholesterol to less than 300 milligrams per day. Strategies for reducing saturated fat and cholesterol include: Get 10 percent of less of your fat from saturated fat sources such as red meats, processed meats, organ meats or high-fat dairy products. Choose low saturated-fat protein sources, such as fish, turkey, chicken, legumes (dried peas and beans), nuts and seeds. Use lean cuts of meat and trim excess fat. Substitute skim and low-fat milk for high-fat dairy foods. Broil, bake or boil foods instead of frying. Increase your consumption of fruits, vegetables and whole grains. You’ve probably heard of “good” fats and “bad” fats. These labels refer to the effects various types of fat have on your body and health. Saturated fats are commonly found in animal-based food products, as well as in palm and coconut oils. They are solid at room temperature. Excess amounts of saturated fat are considered unhealthy because they can contribute to fatty deposits in the arteries, clogging them and leading to heart disease. Unsaturated fats are liquid at room temperature and are known as oil. Two types of unsaturated fats are monounsaturated and polyunsaturated, both of which are thought to help lower cholesterol. Examples of these fats are olive and canola oils. Monounsaturated fats also are found in avocados, nuts and olives. Trans fats are actually unsaturated fats that have been chemically modified. Manufacturers add hydrogen to vegetable oil in a process called hydrogenation. This increases the shelf life and the flavor stability of foods containing these fats. Trans fats can be found in vegetable shortenings, some margarines, crackers, cookies, snack foods and other foods made with or fried in partially hydrogenated oils. Like saturated fat and dietary cholesterol, they raise LDL cholesterol and increase your risk for cardiovascular disease. Essential fatty acids are a category of fatty acids found in polyunsaturated fats your body needs but cannot manufacture itself. Good sources of polyunsaturated fatty acids include soybean, corn and cottonseed oils. When an unsaturated fat is solidified—into margarine, for example—the process turns it into partially hydrogenated oils, which contains trans fatty acids. The Skinny On Fad Diets Despite the ads that claim miracle weight-loss for some products, there simply is no magic formula for losing weight. Fad diets, like those based on cabbage soup, grapefruit or protein, may help you lose some pounds in the short run, but they don’t work in the long term because they’re impossible and unhealthy to maintain. The truth is permanent weight loss takes time and requires a permanent change in eating and exercise habits. Extreme diets of less than 1,000 calories per day carry health risks and could trigger excessive overeating following the period of extreme caloric restriction. Such diets usually provide insufficient vitamins and minerals as well. Severe dieting also has unpleasant side effects, including fatigue, intolerance to cold, hair loss, gallstone formation and menstrual irregularities. Most of the initial weight loss is in fluids; later, fat is lost, but so is muscle. It is very dangerous to be on severe diets longer than 16 weeks or to fast for more than two or three days. There have been rare reports of death from heart arrhythmia when liquid formulas didn’t have sufficient nutrients. High-protein, low-carbohydrate diets are still used by some people for weight loss. Although a high-protein diet will lead to quick weight loss, its long-term health and safety benefits are uncertain. One byproduct of this type of diet is the release of substances called ketone bodies, which can lead to a condition called ketosis and cause nausea and lightheadedness because you are restricting your body’s source of fuel. Such high-protein diets may also be high in saturated fat and low in fiber-rich and healthful whole grains, fresh fruits and vegetables. Carbohydrates provide your body with its main source of fuel and energy, namely, a form of glucose called glycogen. This complex carbohydrate is stored in liver and skeletal muscle. Simple carbohydrates (sucrose) offer quick energy boosts, while complex carbohydrates provide the body with fuel for several hours. Examples of simple carbohydrates include fruit sugars (fructose) found in fruits, milk sugars (lactose) found in milk products, and other forms of sugar (sucrose) found in sweeteners such as corn syrup, honey, dextrose, high-fructose corn syrup and fruit juice concentrates. Complex carbohydrates are found in whole grains, rice, peas and dried beans, such as lentils and black, kidney and pinto beans. Carbohydrates stored in the body are packed with water. That’s why introducing a low-carbohydrate diet leads to rapid weight loss as the body turns to stored carbohydrates for energy, eliminating large amounts of fluid from your body. After the stored carbohydrates are gone, your body turns to fat and lean body tissue for fuel, inducing further weight loss. Many people on low-carbohydrate diets eat less but feel fuller due to the high-protein, high-fat foods they consume. However, this creates more work for your kidneys, which have to process the high amounts of protein. This is especially dangerous for people with diabetes. Additionally, excess protein excretion can cause valuable calcium to be excreted. Many health care professionals believe that rather than adhere to a low-carbohydrate diet, it’s healthier to consume healthy carbohydrates in reasonable amounts. This means focusing on complex carbohydrates like beans, whole grains and vegetables, as well as simple carbohydrates that pack plenty of fiber, such as fruits. Choosing A Diet Plan With all of the fad diets circulating these days, you need to do your homework before embarking on a new weight-loss plan. The following questions will help you determine if a diet is healthy and legitimate or just a scam: Does the plan promise dramatic and rapid weight loss? If a program is promising results that sound too good to be true, they probably are. A 10-pound loss in two weeks is unrealistic and may harm your overall health. A weight-loss goal of one to two pounds per week is a safe and effective rate for long-lasting results. Does the plan exclude entire groups of foods? If a weight-loss plan excludes an entire group of foods such as grains, fruits, vegetables, dairy or protein, you risk missing out on essential vitamins and minerals. Does the plan require extremely low calorie levels? Most experts agree that we need to consume at least 1,200 calories each day to maintain a healthy body. This is a minimum; most people actually need more. If a weight-loss plan restricts calories below this level, it’s not nutritionally adequate, and you’ll be in danger of nutrient deficiencies. Are you required to buy special foods or supplements to follow the program? Weight-loss programs that rely on special foods or supplements tend to be money-making schemes to benefit the seller. These types of programs will drain your wallet without teaching you about nutrition and healthy eating habits. Does the plan address lifestyle changes, such as increased exercise and improved eating habits? Realistic weight-loss plans should focus on the causes of your weight gain and on long-term lifestyle changes, not just on short-term losses. Can you continue this way of eating for the rest of your life? Weight loss is difficult, but maintaining that weight loss is even harder. Any plan that allows you to lose weight should also be a plan you can continue indefinitely to maintain that weight. The following claims and promotions should alert you to the probability of a bogus weight-loss scheme: The plan is touted as requiring no sacrifice—no exercise or no change in your eating habits. No reliable evidence or scientific proof is offered to back up claims that the plan is safe and effective. Testimonialsand case histories of people who have supposedly been successful on the plan are offered as “proof” of its effectiveness. A few successes don’t prove the plan will work for everyone. The plan is described in sensational articles, or worse, advertisements made to look like articles, in tabloids and weight-loss magazines. The plan is promoted as “cleansing” the body of “toxins” to let the body’s “natural” curative powers help in your weight loss efforts. Today’s most popular weight-loss programs vary greatly. No single diet is appropriate for everyone, so you’ll want to weigh factors that vary by plan, such as types of food you can eat, reliance on supplements or drugs, calorie levels allotted and support offered. Popular Weight-Loss Plans Mediterranean-Style DietThe Mediterranean diet is really a way of eating, rather than a particular diet. Some large studies point to the Mediterranean style of eating as a good alternative to low-fat dietary approaches as a way to reduce weight and, consequently, reduce your risk of heart disease and diabetes. Like the low-fat diets, the Mediterranean eating pattern focuses on fruits, vegetables, whole grains, nuts and seeds, but it also includes olive oil as a significant source of monounsaturated fat and wine in low to moderate amounts. The major protein sources are dairy, fish and poultry, with minimal red meat.The Mediterranean eating style allows a higher percentage of calories from fat than the low-fat diets typically endorsed by health organizations, but several recent major studies have shown that the diet is an alternative to low-fat diets, especially for lowering risk of diabetes and heart attacks, often related to weight. Weight WatchersThis diet program, one of the most popular among health care professionals, has helped millions of people worldwide lose unwanted pounds since it was founded in 1963. In general, the plan is healthy—long on fruits and vegetables and short on fat, protein and sugar. Weight Watchers provides two options—weekly in-person meetings or Weight Watchers Online. Weight Watchers meetings offer member support. (Your weight is kept private.) Meeting leaders have achieved their own weight loss goals with Weight Watchers and have been able to maintain their goal weight. The discussions can be helpful because they focus on the common challenges you face when trying to lose weight—what to do about eating in restaurants or at a wedding, for example. They also let members exchange dietary advice on tasty alternatives or ideas for trimming calories. Weight Watchers Online offers members comprehensive guides to help them learn how to follow the Weight Watchers approach and food plan, including interactive tools and customized sites for men and women. Exercise is stressed as part of the program.In the past, Weight Watchers used a system that assigned point values to each food. Dieters were allowed to consume a specific number of points per day based on their weight, and members weren’t given much direction about how to divide those points between the various food groups. As a result, a dieter on this program could eat too much of a single, and perhaps unhealthy, type of food. However, with the Points Plus program launched in 2010, dieters get more direction on how to make healthy food choices. The program still focuses on calorie restriction, but it encourages members to choose healthful foods that are high in nutrients and low in sugar and fat. NutriSystemThis diet is based mostly on NutriSystem’s prepackaged foods and involves reducing participants’ calorie intake to an average minimum of 1,200 calories per day for women and 1,500 for men. The NutriSystem program is now completely at-home—participants have the option to go online to chat with one of their weight loss counselors about diet and exercise. While the program was developed by registered dietitians and health educators with input from physicians, there have been some complaints in the media that the counselors are not highly trained. If you are concerned about this, you may want to ask about credentials at your center, and always discuss any diet plan with your health care professional.Because clients eat prepackaged meals, they have few food decisions to make. Thus they’re not learning how to make choices in the real world or change their lifestyles. The program also sells vitamin and mineral supplements. Jenny CraigThis program also relies on its own brand of prepackaged foods, plus some additional supermarket foods, and provides calorie recommendations depending on your gender and current weight. Clients can attend weekly lifestyle classes and receive one-on-one counseling or choose an at-home program that allows for consultations via phone. As their comfort level grows, clients are given the option to transition to regular foods.Jenny Craig emphasizes increased physical activity, changing ingrained eating habits and learning how to balance meals and food choices. The program was developed by registered dietitians and psychologists with input from physicians.Relying on prepackaged foods makes dining out and socializing difficult and de-emphasizes behavior modification and lifestyle change that are very important to long-term weight loss. Also, Jenny Craig makes “weight-loss supplements” an integral part of the system. While vitamin and mineral supplements may be helpful to overall health, no herbal or enzymatic supplements should be relied upon for weight loss. Liquid Fasting Programs (Optifast, HMR and New Directions)These programs consist of a highly structured dieting approach that combines medical, behavioral and nutritional knowledge and skills to support weight loss. The medical team (physician, registered nurse, dietitian or psychologist) provides medical supervision for the dieter in an out-patient medical setting. The diets use vitamin-fortified liquid-meal replacements or prepackaged foods to achieve a reduced calorie intake. Part of the structure includes mandatory weekly group sessions that support the weight-loss efforts and promote positive eating behaviors. In some settings, one-on-one counseling is available.The programs emphasize changes in lifestyle behaviors to support weight loss including daily physical activity and menu planning. Once the diet is completed, the patient transitions back to a recommended, healthy eating plan. In many locations, exercise physiologists are available to help design personal exercise plans.During the weight-loss phase of the programs, dieters use only the meal replacement products. Because of this, some dieters find it difficult to transition from liquid to regular food. The support of the trained program staff is essential to this transition. Most programs emphasize that the maintenance phase of these programs is the key to success with long-term weight maintenance. Due to the close contact with medical professionals, these programs are beneficial for individuals with significant weight to lose or for those with serious health problems associated with their weight. Participation involves the approval of your health care professional. Some locations may also offer the opportunity to utilize prescription weight-loss medications. Low-Carb DietsThese trendy diets, including the Atkins, Sugar Busters and Protein Power plans, claim that carbohydrates—and not fat or an overindulgence in calories—are what make people gain weight. They go against the recommendations of the U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA), the American Heart Association, the American Dietetic Association and the American Diabetes Association.Fat and protein intake are unlimited in some of these plans, more limited in others. The higher fat and protein level of the Atkins Diet can provide more fullness with meals and snacks. Foods containing simple carbohydrates are restricted, so blood sugar surges after a high-carbohydrate meal doesn’t occur, helping control appetite. This also prevents blood sugar levels from rapidly plummeting, which contributes to hunger.These diets rebel against the past decade’s message for healthy eating—moderate fat; increased whole grains, fruits and vegetables; and moderate amounts of protein. These recommendations are based on scientific evidence that eating a well-balanced diet will decrease risks of chronic disease and increase health. While high-fiber diets rich in fruits and vegetables are shown consistently to decrease chronic diseases, diets high in animal protein continue to raise concern of possible increased risks for certain cancers. Several recent studies found that high-protein diets have no proven effectiveness in long-term weight reduction and may damage health of those who stay on them for a long time. Note: Because prolonged ketosis (a side effect of high-protein diets) can lead to kidney damage, people with a family history of renal disease or who have renal problems should avoid high-protein diets. The ZoneThis diet relates excess weight to both overeating and/or to unbalanced consumption of calories from the carbohydrate, fat and protein groups. In the Zone, your diet is exactly one-third lean protein, two-thirds fruits and vegetables and a dash of monounsaturated fat. The diet claims that this is “the metabolic state in which the body works at peak efficiency.” The diet consists of one gram of fat for every two grams of protein and three grams of carbohydrates.Compared to many other low-carb regimens, this diet promotes a higher percentage of low-fat protein foods. This diet is most likely successful because it restricts caloric intake enough to lose weight. The average person eating in the Zone consumes no more than 800 to 1,200 calories a day. Some critics consider this a strict, controlled eating regimen, requiring significant effort to adhere to a complex set of rules, charts and tables. South Beach DietThe South Beach Diet is sometimes lumped in with low-carb diets like Atkins, but it differs in some significant ways. It focuses on replacing “bad carbs” with “good carbs” and “bad fats” with “good fats.” It restricts simple carbohydrates, such as refined sugar and enriched grains, but permits complex, fiber-rich carbohydrates such as whole-grain bread and brown rice. It also allows more vegetables and focuses on the “glycemic index,” which relates to how quickly the body digests foods. Simple carbs digest quickly and cause spikes in blood sugar. It recognizes that while foods rich in “bad fats” may help control the hunger cycle, they also contribute to high cholesterol and heart disease. So the South Beach Diet replaces them with foods rich in unsaturated fats and omega-3 fatty acids, such as lean meats, nuts and fish. The three-phase diet ends with a maintenance phase to help you learn how to maintain a healthy weight. Flat Belly DietThe Flat Belly Diet follows many of the same principles as the Mediterranean diet but also emphasizes how much and how often you should eat. It starts with a four-day “jump start” and then has a four-week plan that focuses on: eating an unsaturated fat at every meal; limiting meals to 400 calories per meal; and eating every four hours during the day. It teaches you how to eat a balanced diet with proper portions of vegetables, fruits, whole grains, nuts and seeds, low-fat dairy products and low-fat proteins, such as fish, poultry and beans. It also includes an exercise plan to help you manage your weight. Single-Food DietsDiets that push grapefruit or eggs, cabbage soup or oranges have surfaced over the years. These diets are dangerous because they’re unbalanced nutritionally and rely on too few calories. Liquid Meal Replacement DietsThese liquid meal replacements, such as Slim-Fast, are milk-based products that have added vitamins and minerals. If “balanced” is defined as containing adequate amounts of the nutrients the government has established as the Reference Daily Intakes (RDIs), then Slim-Fast meets the requirements. Slim-Fast users get a daily menu of three snacks, two shakes or meal bars and one balanced meal, customized to their tastes.Recent research shows that meal-replacement diet plans such as Slim-Fast work. A landmark 10-year study demonstrated that the Slim-Fast Meal Replacement Plan helped individuals lose weight and maintain body weight long-term. Participants weighed an average of 33 pounds less after 10 years than a matched group.After analyzing studies comparing several types of restricted-calorie diets, the American Dietetic Association issued a practice guideline concluding that structured meal-replacement plans could be at least as effective for losing weight as reduced-calorie diets and sometimes more effective. The guidelines also suggest that for overweight and obese adults who struggle with food selection and portion control, one or two daily meal replacements fortified with vitamins and minerals and supplemented with self-selected meals and snacks may be a successful weight loss and maintenance strategy. Using Medication to Lose Weight Women with increased medical risk from their obesity may benefit from adding a weight-loss medication to their nutritional and exercise regimen. Most research-based and professional associations recommend lifestyle therapy for at least six months before embarking on a weight-loss plan using physician-prescribed drug therapy. Even then, it must be used only as part of a comprehensive weight-loss program that includes dietary therapy and physical activity. Currently available prescription medications include: phentermine (Adipex-P, Fastin, Ionamin, Obenix, Oby-Cap, Teramine, Zantryl) diethylpropion (Tenuate, Tepanil) phendimetrazine (Adipost, Bontril, Melfiat, Obezine, Phendiet, Plegine, Prelu-2) orlistat (Xenical) Most prescription weight-loss drugs are FDA-approved for short-term use only, usually less than 12 weeks. Orlistat (Xenical) is the only drug approved for long-term use. Orlistat also is now available over the counter under the brand name Alli in 60 mg pills, half the strength of the prescription dosage in Xenical, making it the first FDA-approved over-the-counter weight loss drug. Like Xenical, Alli blocks digestion of about 25 percent of the fat eaten at a meal. Orlistat has been found to be safe and effective in combination with a low-fat (less than 30 percent fat), low-calorie diet and can help people lose 50 percent more weight than dieting alone. Safety is an issue with some weight-loss medications. The drug sibutramine (Meridia) was removed from the market in 2010 because studies showed an increased risk for heart problems, including non-fatal heart attack and stroke. The FDA is also reviewing reports of serious liver injury in people taking orlistat. No definite association has been established, but people taking orlistat should watch out for any symptoms of liver injury, such as weakness, fatigue, fever, jaundice or brown urine and report these signs to their doctors. Most of these drugs decrease appetite by affecting levels of certain brain neurotransmitters that affect appetite. Orlistat does not act directly on the central nervous system but instead blocks an enzyme essential to fat digestion so your body doesn’t absorb fat. In general, combining weight loss medications with an increase in activity level and a decrease in calories can help you lose 10 pounds more than what you might lose with nondrug obesity treatments. If you are, may be or could become pregnant or are nursing, be sure to tell your health care professional. The effects of most of these drugs have not been tested on unborn babies; however, medications similar to some of the short-term appetite suppressants have been shown to cause birth defects when taken in high doses. Also, diethylpropion and benzphetamine pass into breast milk. Before you take any product for weight loss, be sure to discuss it with your health care professional first. There are numerous potentially dangerous over-the-counter drugs and herbs that claim to help you lose weight. These over-the-counter drugs, except for Alli, and herbs have not been approved by the FDA and may cause significant health complications and even death. Surgery For clinically severe obesity, your health care provider may recommend surgery for weight loss. Many people, including some health care professionals, wrongly believe that obese people merely need to stop eating so much to lose weight. In reality, extreme obesity is a potentially deadly disease that sometimes requires a treatment as dramatic as surgery. Surgery is an option for carefully selected patients under the care of a health care professional. The surgery, called bariatric surgery, reduces the size of your stomach, limiting the amount of food it can hold. Most physicians consider people for the surgery who: have tried other methods of weight loss (changes in eating behavior, increased physical activity and/or drug therapy) and are still severely obese have a BMI of at least 40 (or 35 in addition to other medical conditions such as diabetes, hypertension and heart failure) understand the procedure, risks of surgery and effects after surgery are motivated to make a lifelong behavioral commitment that includes well-balanced eating and physical activity needed to achieve—and maintain—desired results There are several types of bariatric surgery: Roux-en-Y gastric bypass (RYGB). In this procedure, sometimes referred to as “stomach stapling,” the stomach is reduced to the size of a golf ball. The stomach is divided into a large portion and a small portion. The small portion is sewn or stapled together to make a small pouch, which holds only about a cup of food. The small pouch is then disconnected from the upper portion of the digestive tract and reconnected to a lower portion of the intestine. Not only do you eat fewer calories, but your body absorbs fewer calories because part of the intestine, the duodenum, has been bypassed. Adjustable gastric band. This procedure is performed laparoscopically, through a small incision in the abdomen. The surgeon wraps a saline-filled silicone band around the top of the stomach to create a small pouch about the size of a thumb. The size of the pouch can be altered by increasing or decreasing the amount of saline (salt water) in the pouch. You eat less because you feel full sooner. Other less common procedures include: Biliopancreatic bypass with duodenal switch (BPDS). In this procedure, much of the stomach is removed, leaving only a “gastric sleeve” that is attached to the small intestine, completely bypassing the duodenum and upper small intestine. Biliopancreatic diversion with duodenal switch is a similar procedure, but a smaller portion of the stomach is removed, and the remaining stomach (gastric sleeve) remains attached to the duodenum. The duodenum is connected to the lower part of the small intestine. As with the gastric bypass procedure, you absorb fewer calories with both of these procedures. You also eat less because your stomach is smaller. Removing part of the stomach is also thought to reduce production of an appetite-related hormone called grehlin. This procedure is generally used for people who have a body mass index of 50 or more. All procedures can lead to complete remission of diabetes, sleep apnea, hypertension, kidney failure and other weight-related medical conditions. While bariatric surgery is extremely safe, the greatest risks come after the surgery. Some occur soon after the operation, such as hemorrhage, obstruction, infection, hernias, pulmonary embolisms (blood clots in the lung) and leaks between the areas where tissue was sewn together. Long-term complications include nutritional deficiencies, including malabsorption of vitamin B12, iron and calcium; and hypoglycemia, or low blood sugar, which can lead to various medical conditions, including neuropathy. Most people undergoing bariatric surgery have rapid and extreme weight loss. It often helps patients lose as much as 50 percent of their excess body weight. Just over half of people who undergo weight loss surgery have kept the weight off five years after the procedure. After surgery, you have to learn to eat smaller amounts of food at one time, to chew food well and to eat slowly. If you don’t adjust your eating habits, you won’t lose as much weight. Additionally, especially in the first three months after surgery, you must be sure to eat the proper amounts of protein, calories, minerals and vitamins as recommended by your health care professional and you will likely need nutritional supplements for the rest of your life. Trying To Gain Weight? For the underweight woman who needs to gain weight, either for health reasons or appearance’s sake, the journey can be difficult. Weight gain can be more difficult than weight loss. The underweight woman may have a higher metabolism, fewer fat cells or a genetic tendency to be leaner. She may also be taller, or just not care about food. Winning at weight gain comes down to pairing a balanced eating pattern with regular physical activity—like any healthy lifestyle. The trick is to make sure you eat more calories than you burn. But you shouldn’t give up exercise because it has many health benefits! Consider adding a weight training program because building muscle will increase your weight. Here are some more tips that can help: Plan ahead for extra meals and snacks. Instead of the traditional three square meals a day, add two or three substantial snacks between three moderate-size meals. By spreading out your food choices during the day, you’ll be more likely to enjoy your meals and snacks without feeling stuffed. Concentrate on calories. Tip the scales toward weight gain by choosing foods that are calorie-dense, or high in calories. While rich desserts and fried foods quickly come to mind, the emphasis should be on foods that pack other nutrients, such as protein, vitamins and minerals, in addition to calories. These include dairy foods, nuts, peanut butter or avocados. Aim for the higher end of the recommended number of servings from each group in the Food Pyramid. And watch your use of added sugars and saturated and trans fats. Let snacks work in your favor. Smart snacking plays an important role in gaining weight. Choose snacks that add calories, vitamins and minerals, such as powdered milk added to a yogurt or ice cream-based shake with fruit and fruit juice, nuts and seeds. Dip crackers, chips and fresh vegetable relishes into high-calorie dips made with low-fat cheese, low-fat sour cream, mashed beans or salad dressings made with mono- or unsaturated oils. Space out snacks during the day so you don’t spoil your appetite for later meals. Physical Activity is Key to Weight Management Daily physical activity is essential to weight management. Exercise not only burns calories, it also tempers your appetite, boosts metabolism, improves sleep and provides psychological benefits, such as an increased feeling of control and self-esteem, as well as reducing stress. If you are over 40, have been inactive for some time, suffer from shortness of breath or weakness that interferes with daily activities, or have a chronic health condition, consult a health care professional before increasing your physical activity. Notify your health care professional about any chest pain, faintness or dizziness, or bone or joint pain you’re experiencing and any medications you’re taking. Physical activity is defined as any bodily movement produced by skeletal muscles resulting in energy expenditure. The best kinds of exercises for burning calories are moderate- to vigorous-intensity physical activities. The calories burned per hour are listed for a 140-pound healthy woman. Moderate-intensity activities include: hiking (386 calories) light gardening/yard work (302 calories) dancing (319 calories) golf, walking and carrying the clubs (244 calories) bicycling, less than 10 mph (370 calories) tennis, singles (386 calories) walking, 3.5 mph (370 calories) yoga (336 calories) Vigorous-intensity physical activities include: aerobics, high-impact (445 calories) calisthenics (512 calories) running/jogging, 5 mph (580 calories) swimming (580 calories) bicycling, 12-14 mph (554 calories) racquetball, casual (445 calories) skiing, downhill (554 calories) weight lifting, vigorous (400 calories) While you and your health care professional should set up a detailed exercise plan based on your individual health status, the 2010 Dietary Guidelines recommend that for substantial health benefits, healthy women engage in at least150 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic exercise or at least 75 minutes of vigorous aerobic exercise per week while not exceeding caloric intake requirements. For additional and more extensive health benefits, the guidelines recommend at least 300 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic exercise or at least150 minutes of vigorous-intensity aerobic exercise per week. The guidelines also recommend muscle-strengthening activities that involve all major muscle groups on two or more days per week. If you have been inactive, you need to work up slowly to this amount so you don’t get injured or overly fatigued and then become discouraged. Start with five or 10 minutes (or whatever you’re comfortable with) every other day, adding one minute every other session. Low- to moderate-intensity physical activity, like housework, gardening and walking the dog provide a great deal of general health benefits, but for weight loss, you need to up the ante and exercise at a higher intensity with more vigorous activities like brisk walking or jogging, singles tennis or other racquet sports, aerobics classes, ice or roller skating, swimming or cycling. Because the goal of moderate to vigorous physical activity is to work your heart muscle, your exercise needs to increase your heart rate. One way to determine if you are exercising intensely enough is to measure your heart rate. After warming up and sustaining an aerobic activity for about five minutes, take your pulse by placing two fingers on the carotid artery on the side of your neck, just under your jaw line and about one to two inches in front of your ear. Count the beats for 10 seconds. Your heart rate should be about 50 to 85 percent of its maximum, which is your age subtracted from 220. If you’re out of shape or older than 60, aim for an intensity at the lower end of the 50 to 85 percent range of your maximum heart rate. To determine what your heart rate should be during exercise, subtract your age from 220; divide that number by six for a 10-second heart rate count, then multiply that number by 0.5 for the lower end of the range and 0.85 for the higher end. For example, if you’re 70: 220 – 70 = 150 (this would be your maximum heart rate for one minute) 150 / 6 = 25 (this would be your maximum heart rate for 10 seconds) 25 x 0.50 = 12.5 (this would be 50 percent of your maximum, or the lower end of where your 10-second heart rate should be when you’re exercising) 25 x 0.85 = 21.25 (this would be 85 percent of your maximum, or the higher end of where your 10-second heart rate should be when you’re exercising). The following chart illustrates recommended heart rate counts based on your age. (These are rates per minute; use the instructions above to convert your 10-second count to heart beats per minute.) 20 years 100-170 beats per minute 200 beats per minute 25 years 98-166 beats per minute 195 beats per minute 30 years 95-162 beats per minute 190 beats per minute 35 years 93-157 beats per minute 185 beats per minute 40 years 90-153 beats per minute 180 beats per minute 45 years 88-149 beats per minute 175 beats per minute 50 years 85-145 beats per minute 170 beats per minute 55 years 83-140 beats per minute 165 beats per minute 60 years 80-136 beats per minute 160 beats per minute 65 years 78-132 beats per minute 155 beats per minute 70 years 75-126 beats per minute 150 beats per minute An easier way to judge intensity is the “talk test.” You shouldn’t be exercising so hard that you can’t talk with a friend or recite a poem. If you can’t talk without gasping for breath, slow down. On the other hand, if your exercise is easy enough that you can sing a song out loud, you probably need to increase your intensity. Another type of exercise has received much attention over the past several years for its contribution to weight loss efforts. Strength training, which includes weight lifting and isometrics, or using your own body weight as resistance, not only improves muscular strength and endurance but raises metabolism, enabling you to burn more calories. Make sure you take a few minutes to warm up before doing any kind of exercise and stretch when you finish. It’s best to incorporate a combination of both types of exercise into your lifestyle— moderate to vigorous physical activities to burn fat and strength training to build muscle. Neither is as effective alone. At the same time, you need to reduce the amount of television you watch, since TV watching is independently associated with weight gain. Some Techniques May Not Live Up to Expectations Spot exercising, or training particular areas of your body, won’t reduce body fat in specific locations because exercise draws on fat stores throughout your body. Gimmicky devices such as bust developers, vacuum pants and exercise belts do absolutely nothing to reduce fat in specific locations or, in the case of the bust developer, to add bulk. Electrical pads wrapped around the waist, arms or thighs have been reported to cause burns and fires. Similarly, cellulite-removal creams have been shown in several studies to be ineffective. Their apparent effect on fat may simply be from constricting blood vessels and forcing water from the skin, which could potentially be dangerous for people with circulation problems. Liposuction is an increasingly popular technique to reduce fat in specific areas on the body. Liposuction, also called lipoplasty or suction lipectomy, is a surgical procedure that vacuums out fat from beneath the skin’s surface to reduce fullness in areas such as the abdomen, hips, thighs, knees, buttocks, upper arms, chin, cheeks and neck. But depending on how much fat is removed, liposuction may not lead to weight loss, and it definitely won’t change any behaviors associated with weight gain. It is also not an appropriate strategy for everyone, as age and skin tone can play a role in how successful the technique will be. Get Your Mind In Gear Another key to successful weight loss is incorporating behavioral strategies into your new eating and exercise activities. These include learning about nutrition, planning what to eat and making sure you eat regularly to end impulsive and thoughtless eating. Some specific and helpful behavioral strategies include: Set the right goals. Your goals should focus on specific dietary and exercise changes, such as, “I will eat five servings of fruits and vegetables every day this week,” or, “I will work up to being able to walk briskly for 30 minutes at a time,” rather than just on weight loss. Select two or three goals at a time to incorporate into your lifestyle rather than trying to change everything at once. Effective goals are specific, attainable and forgiving, which means that you don’t have to be absolutely perfect. Remember, too, in setting your goals, that losing more than one to two pounds per week can be unhealthy and greatly increases the chances of regaining the weight. Reward success. To encourage yourself to attain your goals, reward yourself for successes. An effective reward is something that is desirable and timely such as attending the cinema or taking an hour for yourself. Don’t use food as a reward! Keep a food and exercise diary. Many behavioral psychologists believe it’s necessary to track your daily food consumption to achieve long-term weight loss. From a simple pad of paper to a computerized program that provides reports and analyses of your progress, the best tool is the one you use every day. Incorporate your goals, such as eating five servings of fruits or vegetables each day, into your self-monitoring efforts. Monitor your weight sensibly. Keep track of your weight, but don’t weigh too often. One day’s diet and exercise patterns won’t have a measurable effect on the scale the next day, and your body’s water weight can change from day to day, which may frustrate you and derail your efforts. Join a support group. Weekly meetings with a nearby support group or even over the Internet can help in a variety of ways. They provide accountability, helpful ideas, emotional support, an outlet for sharing frustrations and a variety of other psychological benefits. Use positive self-talk. Take responsibility and see yourself as in control, able to talk yourself into exercising every day rather than being angry, hopeless or in denial. Find ways other than food to respond to stress and other situations in your life. Certain cues, from stress to watching television, may stimulate unhealthy eating. In some cases, you can avoid those cues; don’t go to that Mexican restaurant where you always eat too many chips, for example. For situations that can’t be avoided, however, such as the business lunch or an argument with your spouse, relearn new ways to respond. If you track the situations surrounding your overeating in your food diary, you can more easily determine the cues you need to be aware of. Change the way you go about eating. There are a variety of tricks—from using a smaller plate to eating more slowly—that can help you eat less. Setting an eating schedule, starting meals with a broth-based soup, only buying foods on a pre-planned menu and other similar efforts can all help. When eating out, don’t feel compelled to finish your entire meal if portion sizes are too large. The steady growth of food portion sizes served both in restaurants and at home has encouraged the overeating that is fueling the obesity epidemic in the United States, according to survey by the American Institute for Cancer Research. Appropriate portion size is very important. When dining out, for instance, try to take home at least half of your dish. You can ask the waiter to box up half of it before you start eating. When eating at home, serve your plate and leave the remaining food in the kitchen; do not place it on the table. Half your plate should be filled with vegetables, one quarter with a protein and one quarter with grain products such as whole-grain bread, pasta, whole-grain rice and cereals. Never, ever, supersize any kind of fast food or takeout meal.

Prevention

It’s best to use weight management techniques before you become overweight, to prevent weight gain in the first place. The federal government issues helpful dietary guidelines, spelling out how much and which food you should eat and how much you should exercise to stay healthy. The guidelines, which are revised every five years (most recently updated in 2010), are widely used by health care professionals, food makers and educators, and also form the basis of the well-known U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) Food Pyramid used to teach healthy eating habits based on food groups such as grains, vegetables and fats. The 2010 Dietary Guidelines recommend: Addressing the obesity epidemic in the United States by reducing calorie intake and increasing physical exercise Be physically active most days of the week Letting the Food Pyramid guide your food choices Eating a variety of grains daily, especially whole grains Eating a variety of fruits and vegetables daily Keeping food safe from foodborne illness Choosing beverages and foods that limit intake of sugars Choosing and preparing foods with less salt Drinking alcoholic beverages in moderation Choosing a diet low in saturated fat, trans fatty acids and cholesterol, and moderate in total fat Specifically, the 2010 Dietary Guidelines recommend the following for adult women; to find the amounts that are right for you (exact amounts vary based on your age), visit the Food Pyramid Web site at www.MyPyramid.gov: Meats and beans (Protein) Eat five ounces of protein every day (five and a half ounces if you are between the ages of 19 and 30) .Vary your choices of meats, poultry, fish, beans, peas, nuts and seeds). Fruits, vegetables and milk Eat at least one and a half cups a day of fruit (two cups if you are between the ages of 19 and 30) and two-and-a-half cups a day of vegetables (two cups if you are age 51 or older). Eat a variety of fruits and vegetables every day and choose from all of the five vegetable subgroups (dark green, orange, legumes, starchy vegetables and other vegetables) several times per week. You may consume fresh, frozen, canned or dried; go light on fruit juices. Drink three cups per day of either fat-free or low-fat milk or equivalent milk products such as yogurt and cheese. Carbohydrates Eat six servings (five servings if you are 51 or older) of grains (cereal, breads, crackers, rice or pasta) a day. At least three ounces should be whole grain, and the other three enriched or whole grain. One ounce equals about one slice of bread, one cup of cereal or one-half cup of cooked rice, cereal or pasta. Eat fruits and vegetables that are high in fiber and choose whole grains Try to avoid adding sugar or sweeteners to foods and beverages Sodium and Potassium Do not consume more than 2,300 mg (approximately 1 teaspoon) of sodium per day. Reduce sodium intake to 1,500 mg per day if you are 51 or older, are African American, or have hypertension, diabetes or chronic kidney disease. Use little or no salt when preparing foods Eat fruits and vegetables high in potassium such as potatoes, sweet potatoes, soybeans, bananas and spinach.

Facts to Know

About 68 percent of the nation is overweight or obese. According to the CDC, there has been a dramatic increase in obesity in the United States over the past 20 years. In 2009, only the District of Columbia and Colorado had a prevalence of obesity less than 20 percent. According to the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA), 40 percent of newly identified cases of anorexia are in girls ages 15 to 19, and over half of teenage girls use unhealthy weight control behaviors, such as skipping meals, fasting, smoking cigarettes, taking laxatives and vomiting. Obesity rates for children are 12.4 percent in those ages 2 to 5, 17 percent in those ages 6 to 11 and 17.6 percent in those ages 12 to 19. Children and teens who are overweight often have a lifelong struggle with their weight and are at high risk for developing diabetes, high blood pressure, diseased arteries, damaged hearts and liver damage. If a woman’s waist circumference divided by her hip measurement is greater than 0.8, she is considered to have a high amount of visceral fat, which is the type of fat that surrounds the internal organs. This is especially true if her waist measurement is more than 35 inches. This type of fat is associated with higher risk of certain diseases and conditions like diabetes and heart disease. If you eat 250 calories per day fewer than needed to maintain your weight and exercise enough to burn an additional 250 calories a day, you will lose about a pound per week. Your basal metabolic rate (BMR) is the number of calories your body needs just to maintain its basic functions. You need additional calories to provide energy for daily activities; the more active you are, the more calories you need. Several factors go into the calculation of your BMR, including your age, height, weight and gender. To get an idea of your BMR, go to http://www.bmi-calculator.net/bmr-calculator. The CDC reports that compared with whites, African Americans have a 51 percent higher prevalence of obesity, and Hispanics have a 21 percent higher prevalence. Despite the ads that claim miracle weight-loss for some products, there simply is no magic formula for losing weight. The truth is, permanent weight loss takes time and requires a permanent change in eating and exercise habits.

Key Q&A

How do I know if I’m overweight, underweight, or if my weight is normal?One measure of overweight and obesity is your body mass index (BMI), which can be determined by dividing your weight in pounds by your height in inches squared and then multiplying by 703. For example, a woman who is 5 feet 6 inches and weighs 140 would have a BMI of 22.6, as follows: 5 feet 6 inches = 66 inches 66 squared = 4,356 140 divided by 4,356 = 0.0321 0.0321 x 703 = 22.6 If a woman’s BMI is under 18.5, she is considered underweight; between 18.5 and 24.9, she is considered of normal weight; between 25 and 29.9, overweight; 30 or greater, obese. However, if she has more muscle mass than normal, these numbers won’t apply, and her health care professional should measure her body composition to determine her degree of overweight. BMI is also adjusted for age, as well as gender, for people under age 18. My health care professional says I need to lose 10 pounds. Why should I bother with such a small amount?Being overweight, even by 10 pounds, can be bad for your health. If you are overweight, you are more likely to develop health problems including heart disease and stroke, type 2 diabetes, some forms of cancer, gout, gallbladder disease, sleep apnea and osteoarthritis. As hard as I try, I just can’t lose that 10 pounds. Shouldn’t I just give up?No, because your weight management efforts may be paying dividends, even if you aren’t losing pounds. Eating more healthfully and adding physical activity to your day have health benefits of their own, including improvements in your chronic disease risk factors such as blood pressure, blood sugar levels and cholesterol. I need to lose 10 pounds. Are weight-loss drugs appropriate for me?Weight-loss medications may be appropriate for carefully selected patients who are at significant medical risk because of their obesity. They are not recommended for use by people who are only mildly overweight unless they have health problems that are made worse by their weight. These prescription drugs should be used only with the careful supervision of a health care professional. When they are used, these medications must also be combined with physical activity and improved diet. My health care professional says my weight is normal, but I need to exercise more. Why should I exercise if I don’t need to lose weight?Exercise not only improves your cardiovascular health and conditioning, but it can help ward off illnesses like cancer, diabetes and osteoporosis. Plus, it has psychological benefits and helps reduce stress. My health care professional says I’m underweight. What’s so bad about that?Underweight women are susceptible to vitamin and mineral deficiencies, resulting in a loss of bone density and muscle tissue. What sort of health care professional can help me set and achieve weight management goals?A physician may be the best place to start for a full health assessment and referral. An endocrinologist is a physician who specializes in metabolic conditions including obesity. A registered dietitian can evaluate your diet and suggest ways of fighting various health problems or simply becoming healthier by modifying your diet. A personal trainer provides one-on-one goal setting and professional expertise, most often in the area of fitness and exercise. Is liposuction an effective way to lose fat?Liposuction does, indeed, remove fat from specific regions of your body. But if you haven’t learned to eat healthfully and incorporate physical activity into your lifestyle, you will regain any lost weight (although your new fat deposits may develop in different sites on your body). In addition, liposuction surgery has side effects and can have serious complications. You should talk to an unbiased health care professional, such as your primary care physician, before making any decisions about liposuction. What is a healthy diet?Half your plate at main meals should consist of colorful vegetables, one quarter should consist of grain products such as whole-grain bread, pasta, whole-grain rice and cereals and one quarter should consist of meat, fish or poultry. Several times a week, substitute dishes made from dried beans or peas as your main course. Eat plenty of fruits. Eat three cups of low-fat milk products like yogurt each day. These proportions will help lower your saturated fat intake and increase the amount of fiber in your diet, both of which have been shown to decrease risk for heart disease. While you should try to cut back on fats and sugars, allow for an occasional treat. Also, most of your fat consumption should come from monounsaturated or polyunsaturated fats with saturated fats accounting for less than 10 percent of your fat intake. How much should I exercise?The “Dietary Guidelines for Americans 2010” recommend that for substantial health benefits, healthy women engage in at least150 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic exercise or at least 75 minutes of vigorous aerobic exercise per week while not exceeding caloric intake requirements. For additional and more extensive health benefits, the guidelines recommend at least 300 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic exercise or at least150 minutes of vigorous-intensity aerobic exercise per week. The guidelines also recommend muscle-strengthening activities that involve all major muscle groups on two or more days per week. For more Information visit us our website: safegenericpharmacy.com

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New Post has been published on https://attendantdesign.com/beauty-a-brilliant-tinted-moisturiser/

Beauty: a brilliant tinted moisturiser

I fear approximately Origins. One would believe the nearly 30-yr-antique plant-based totally range might be enjoying a purple patch currently, seeing as all the coolest skincare brands boast of their very own herbal credentials, but the trailblazing Origins counters seem to get smaller and their merchandise unnoticed. This one deserves interest and thousands of reward, although. It’s Ginzing SPF40 Energy Boosting Tinted Moisturiser (£30), and it is clearly superb if, like me, you either can’t be afflicted to use bases in the warmth or prefer a brisker look at this time of 12 months. I like it because, unlike most, it promises absolutely on the moisturizer quick: I’ve been carrying it by myself over serum and my dry skin has desired for not anything. As surprisingly, its solar safety element is excessive (maximum tinted moisturizers are SPF20 at high-quality, and normally decrease) and its sunny, glowy insurance is perfection itself. Truly, I can’t wear it without someone telling me how nicely I appearance (pleasurable when you haven’t taken a right holiday in years and naturally seem consumptive).

  Sali Hughes: the 50 quality ethical splendor buys moisturizer Beauty tinted 

But there’s a sticking factor: Ginzing SPF40 comes in most effective one color, although I concede it’s a totally forgiving one. Anyone from ivory to olive may want to realistically put on it (if you’ve previously discovered its similar large sister, Vitazing SPF15, too darkish, you could prefer this more natural-searching tint). If you’re any darker, or high-quality-light, I enthusiastically advise Complexion Rescue SPF30 (£28), from Bare Minerals who, quietly and in reality, appear to be facing the bottom category all of a surprising (I’m now not a fan in their iconic mineral powder, even though I can see it’s a godsend for sensitive skins). This genuinely has less moisture than the Origins, so will enchantment to the oily and blemish-prone, but it also layers well over day cream on drier kinds. The color variety is admirable, too. All skins are catered for with a flattering wash of color that evens out the complexion and offers it a smoother, plumper end and the decent safety. The application couldn’t be less difficult, both. You can be slapdash.

If you’re pale or dark, but with freckles (how I envy you), you’ll want some thing definitely transparent to avoid turning them gray. For this, Bobbi Brown’s (newly repackaged, no longer

Beauty is not skin deep. It’s attitude that separates the beauty from the crowd. “Looking at the beauty in the world is the first step of purifying the mind.” The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. A woman whose smile is open and whose expression is glad has a kind of beauty no matter what she wears. All women are beautiful, regardless of their looks. You just need to touch their soul with respect and appreciation for their inner beauty and you will be rewarded with joy. The heart is way more important than the package.

I love natural beauty, and I think it’s your best look, but I think makeup as an artist is so trans-formative. I would never like to endorse a fairness cream. I believe in natural beauty.

True beauty can’t shine through make-up. Many of us can’t even imagine our life without makeup.

It sounds strange and even scary for many girls, thanks to media popularization of unrealistic beauty standards. To be beautiful without makeup?! Is it even possible?!

For many of us, it would be a big nonsense even to go to a supermarket with no makeup on.

Media often forces us to believe that a woman with no makeup on can’t actually look somewhat attractive or beautiful.

If someone wants to live a makeup-free life, or at least to be able to have makeup-free days, then it makes sense to put a little bit more effort into caring about the natural beauty of your face, hair, and body.

1) Feel beautiful (even without makeup) Yes, the first step to natural, makeup-free beauty is connected with your inner perception of yourself – your self-image. If a girl considers herself beautiful and is able to accept herself totally and unconditionally, then the whole world will feel the same about her. Yes, it’s that simple! But if you don’t feel comfortable and confident about yourself with no makeup on, try to adapt the new ‘natural’ image gradually.

2) Your skin is your everything! If you decide to lead a makeup-free life, it doesn’t mean that you need to completely let go of all skin care products. Many skin problems are actually related to the excessive use of makeup; skin tone becomes uneven because of the reaction of your body on a foundation, concealer or blush. If skin problems persist, get a professional advice of a dermatologist; it’s better to treat the problem straight away than to put it on hold into a waiting box. Some other tips for the beauty of your skin include: use facial masks 2 or 3 times a week (choose masks according to your skin type), and exfoliate your skin regularly (we are not only talking about exfoliating your facial skin, exfoliate your whole body.

3) Healthy eating and water Good food is important not only for the beauty of our skin but also for the overall health of our body.

We are what we eat, therefore healthy and balanced diet should be our faithful, lifelong friend.

Make sure you eat fresh fruits and vegetables every day, as well as

healthy fats and proteins; these are so important for our beauty.

And, of course, our best friend is water! Try to drink about 8 glasses of water a day and also treat yourself with a green or white tea from time to time, because these are rich in antioxidants and will help your skin look fresh and young for a very long time, even without makeup.

4) Smile and love yourself A smile will instantly help you to feel and look pretty, even if you don’t have any makeup on!

As Audrey Hepburn once said: “The prettiest girl is the happiest one!” Smile every time you look in the mirror, smile to people you see on the street and, in general, let a smile be your favorite accessory – you will see how the whole world will start smiling back at you!

Love yourself. Accept yourself fully and completely. Love the way you look with or without makeup because you are truly unique and beautiful! Remember it!

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Chelsea Manning Shares First Instagram Out of Prison: Her Converse Sneakers

The first Instagram post from newly freed Chelsea Manning. (Photo: Instagram/xychelsea87)

Chelsea Manning — the transgender army private sentenced in 2013 for leaking classified information, whose sentence was commuted by former President Barack Obama — took her first free steps on Wednesday. And Manning, 35, caught right up with 2017 by celebrating the moment as anyone else her age might: by snapping a #shoefie of her feet in her brand-new Chuck Taylor All-Stars, which she then posted to Instagram.

“First steps of freedom!” she wrote next to the photo, which showed the bottom portion of black leggings and the Converse low-tops — black, brand-new, and scuff-free.

First steps of freedom!! ???? . . #chelseaisfree

A post shared by Chelsea E. Manning (@xychelsea87) on May 17, 2017 at 6:39am PDT

  The shoe choice seemed empowering and fitting, not only because Converse sneakers have long been embraced as an iconic symbol of unisex fashion in popular culture, but also because the brand itself has made a point of embracing its LGBT fans, specifically through releasing its “Proud to Be” pride line back in 2015.

Manning, who went to prison for sharing US secrets with WikiLeaks, walked out of her maximum-security holding cell in Kansas more than 30 years early, and said in a statement, “After another anxious four months of waiting, the day has finally arrived. I am looking forward to so much! Whatever is ahead of me is far more important than the past. I’m figuring things out right now— which is exciting, awkward, fun, and all new for me.”

While imprisoned at the US Disciplinary Barracks at Forth Leavenworth, Manning — née Bradley, who transitioned and changed her name to Chelsea while incarcerated — had to conform to male grooming standards.

“She has experienced trauma over the past seven years of her confinement and the trauma from those experiences won’t just evaporate the day she walks out of prison,” noted her lawyer Chase Strangio of the American Civil Liberties Union. “It’s going be a process for her to heal and begin to live her free life with more autonomy over her gender and her decisions and vision for the future.”

So, im already enjoying my first hot, greasy pizza ????

A post shared by Chelsea E. Manning (@xychelsea87) on May 17, 2017 at 9:34am PDT

  She seems to have already gotten the hang of social media — soon adding a second Instagram post, of her first “hot, greasy pizza” — and is receiving lots of loving support there (along with some predictable trolling). Her #shoefie has more than 2,500 likes and a slew of comments, including “Here we go!! Queer Radical Vets for the Win,” and “Thank you for your sacrifices. Welcome home Chelsea.”

Some couldn’t help but dole out fashion advice. “Ffs Chelsea tuck your laces in,” advised one, as another noted,”I walked out into my new life 20 years and 9 days ago. You have so much to embrace and be grateful for. Don’t let the bastards grind you down girl! Sunlight is the best disinfectant and your truth —both personally and politically — is good for our democracy. Rock those leggings…(I know I do).”

Read more on Yahoo Style + Beauty:

Designer Defends ‘I’m Thin and Gorgeous’ Dolce & Gabbana Sneakers

These High-Fashion ‘Destroyed’ Sneakers Are Selling for $1,425

Trans Teen Shares Gender Confirmation Surgery in Revealing Video

Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and Pinterest for nonstop inspiration delivered fresh to your feed, every day. For Twitter updates, follow @YahooStyle and @YahooBeauty.

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IMPORTANT ADVICE FOR NEWLY OUT TRANS GIRLS

If anybody tries to isolate you, cut you off from other friends, or convince you that they are the only person you can trust or who can be capable of loving you, run extremely far away in the other direction

While transition is a process that takes place over time, it is so important that you love yourself for who you are in the present. You are lovable now; there's only harm in believing otherwise or deferring your happiness until you feel like you've "earned" it

You can perform a double jump to reach high places by pressing the jump button while in the air