#IM TREMBLING FOR THEM
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Call me crazy but…
I think Mel is pregnant.
The season has already been so focused on themes of family—Jinx with Isha, the ever growing tensions between Vi and Jinx, Caitlyn losing her mother, and… Ambessa stressing once again how important family is to her.
During the funeral attack, the gun is pointed RIGHT at Mel. But they don’t fire. What if this is on purpose, either a subtle hint to the audience, or a hint that the perpetrator knows?
Then during the final episode, she gets taken by the Black Rose. Being kidnapped/facing the horrors of the literal back rooms™️ would be a little too good of a parallel to what happened to Ambessa when she was pregnant… a little too perfect.
The most convincing evidence, in my opinion, is this scene:
I’m not crazy, right??? I mean there’s always the chance they just animated her stomach rolls, but I don’t think she’s EVER been shown like this before. It looks… a little too reminiscent of a baby bump. Not to mention, we still don’t know the full story of her glowing back… and Jayce himself even comments about how they survived the attack relatively unharmed 👀
Idk guys. I’m terrified. I’m intrigued.
Save baby Medarda fr 😭💖
#IM A MELJAY TRUTHER SO#PLEASE BUT ALSO#IM TREMBLING FOR THEM#arcane#league of legends#arcane league of legends#arcane netflix#mel medarda#mel league of legends#jayce and mel#pregnant mel#meljay#mel/Jayce#Jayce/mel#arcane s2 spoilers#arcane season 2#arcane season two#arcane spoilers
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thinking about how fucking resilient Jews are.
thinking about my great grandparents in romania, raised in a land colonized by the same empire that sent them to the balkans, still working as tailors and butchers like their ancestors had for generations.
thinking about them stowing away on ships to america so their children could live to see adulthood.
thinking about how many other five foot two bookworms have been in my family. i know i’m not the first, and i certainly hope i won’t be the last.
thinking about how many seders my family has held throughout history, how many “next year in jerusalem”s were shouted. it hasn’t happened yet, but maybe it will.
thinking about the women who passed down kabbalah to their children while witches burned in the next village over. how many mothers kept literal magic alive.
thinking about how every single person that lived before me, every branch of my family tree, had to choose to survive. living has always been in the present progressive for Jews; every breath they took was a choice to fight just a little longer.
i come from people who survived the spanish inquisition, the soviet union, the Shoah, the judeo-roman wars, ottoman imperialism, the rise and fall of so many empires i cannot name them all, and the only uniting factor is them. they taught their toddlers the sh’ma and lit candles and read books and sewed clothes and spun linen and cured meat and davened and smiled and laughed and they did that for two thousand years. ten years ago i became the first bat mitzvah in my family line. the first woman in my family to read from the torah.
i hope they’re proud. i hope i was worth it for them.
#jumblr#big feelings!#jewish joy#i refuse to assimilate for goyische comfort#i am jewish and i will always be jewish and i always have been jewish and my children will be jewish and their children will be jewish#we will not disappear because our existence complicates your worldview#i am not a jew with trembling knees#ngl i cried while writing this#im just so tired of proving my humanity day in and day out#i keep telling myself that we will outlive them#we will outlive their hatred#i will keep my door open like avraham and sarah and i will let them sit at my table when they are ready#i will not let their hatred make me hateful
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☆ even the gods bleed [ pt 4 ]
{☆} characters arlecchino, furina, lyney {☆} notes cult au, imposter au, multi-chapter, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings blood {☆} word count 3.7k {☆} previous [ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ]
Fontaine was bathed in darkness, not even the moon daring to illuminate where the common man fears to walk. The streets were bleak and empty save for the constant, rhythmic ticking and clanking of machines marching on endlessly, dauntlessly wading where even the bravest dared not to venture. Not even the sharp click of the Gardes boots followed the occasional hisses of steam as they walked the barren streets.
It was haunting, and it'd been like that for days now. It showed little signs of stalling in the slightest, too. Every inch of Fontaine was practically crawling with Gardemeks– like a swarm of rats skittering about.
Arlecchino had secluded herself in the Hotel Bouffes d'ete for days at this point, waiting– biding her time. Her nails clicked against the wood as she tapped at the table in a stilted rhythm, the subtle click of the clock mixing into the clanking outside, weaving in and out of earshot as the patrols slipped by. She reached forward after a moment of thought, reaching for the white king.
She leaned back against the chaise, tilting her head just enough to catch a glimpse of a patrol of Gardemeks as they vanished behind the rows and rows of buildings. It wasn't enough to keep her attention for long, however, her features twisting in disinterest as she glanced back to the chessboard– and the letter neatly resting beside it. The seal was unmistakable and a sobering sight, demanding her attention– the soft hues of blue etched into the shape of a dragon stared back at her in a way that almost unsettled her.
She had already parsed through it's contents hundreds of times, but she was met with only vague, flowing script that only served to irritate her more then anything– it filled the page top to bottom yet managed to say nothing at all. Her hand reached out again, but instead of reaching for the letter she plucked the black rook from the board, setting it down with a soft click.
Arlecchino had all the time in the world to sit back and observe her prey, but all that time would be useless if she lacked the information to act.
And he was quite tight fisted about it, evidentially. None of her inquiries or attempts to decipher any potential codes in the letter left her empty handed. She could not act without even knowing the reason for his summons– it was almost worded like a personal affair rather then one would expect for a foreign diplomat. In truth, she'd expected a scalding report on her operatives, but it lacked any mention of anything of the sort.
She was no stranger to people masking hostility behind pretty words and compliments, not that it was ever unwarranted per se– the Fatui did not create connections through honesty and genuine kindness. They have strong armed more then their fair share of people into cooperation to the point distrust is all the Fatui are met with outside of Snezhnaya. Every word was meant to conceal the deceit, every action meant to conceal the price later paid.
So she had been..skeptical of the letter, to put it lightly. She doubted the Iudex of all people would offer a hand to the Fatui without a price attached– a trap, perhaps, meant to lure in the most powerful piece left on the board. Her eyes narrowed, reaching for a white rook and moving it to the right.
Or he was hiding something. Something that he simply couldn't risk getting out to anyone, not even the Divine themself. A tempting prize, whatever it was.
..A dangerous prize, too.
She'd considered burning the letter and forgetting it all together– the risk was great, and she couldn't risk getting caught up by whoever else the Iudex may have on his side of the board. But she could hardly pass up the challenge and the prize that he fought so hard to keep from prying eyes and ears. Even her agents came back empty handed each time. She lazily picked up a black rook, sliding the white pawn aside.
"Lyney," Arlecchino drawled, crossing one leg over the other and turning her gaze to the door as it slowly creaked open. The pale visage of Lyney stepped through, though his siblings were noticeably absent. The weariness that weighed down on his shoulders was apparent in the slightest furrow of his brows and the subtle creak of leather as he clenched his fists behind his back. "Father." He choked out, the title dragged out by the sharp inhale and shaky exhale.
He looked out of breath, she noted.
The silence that lingered after the small exchange was punctuated only by the click of another chess piece being moved. She sets aside the black rook, letting it sit among the dozen other pieces that had been wiped off the board. She can see the conviction glinting beneath the fog of exhaustion, but if he would utilize it was another matter all together.
He had seemed to make his choice quickly, at the very least.
"Our contacts and operatives within the Fortress of Meropide have gone silent– all we have is their final confirmed missive.." His voice is confident, but it is rigid as the words spill from his lips. He takes a sharp step forward, unfolding his arms from behind his back and opening his hands– the small, water stained and messily folded note catches her eye, plucking it from his palms with a half hearted interest. "They believe the Duke left the Fortress of Meropide..and that he may be coming to the Court of Fontaine."
Her eyes narrow dangerously, nearly crumpling the thin paper in her hands– yet just as quickly, she collects herself.
But she cannot get rid of the bitter taste on her tongue, lingering as she sets down the note and slides it to the side, her lips pursed into a thin line.
So the Iudex had shown one of his pieces..she tightly grasps a black rook, tipping over the white rook, letting it roll against the board.
If the Duke was involved, things were much more complicated then she expected– he would be a problem, she was certain. She couldn't blame the lamb for fearing the wolf, either. Whether her agents had been killed or captured by the man mattered little. He had his ways, and he was a force that could instill fear in even them.
Which meant the possibility that her operation was already compromised was far too real.
What had the Iudex so concerned he had gone through the trouble of bringing in the Duke and herself? The Fatui was one thing, but to specifically request one of it's Harbingers..
The Prophecy? The thought had her clenching her fist, but..no. If it were to rear it's head now, the Iudex could simply not afford to waste time on his contacts deciphering his nonsensical script– If the prophecy were to be the issue, there time would be limited to mere minutes in the worst of cases. Which meant it was worth biding his time in order to ensure absolute secrecy.
So if not the prophecy, then what?
Her next moves were..limited. She was already walking on eggshells considering her position and the reputations of the Fatui– especially with a Harbinger in the midst. If they caught wind of her operations, they'd weed out her operatives and be on guards for any snakes that lingered in their garden.
She reached for the chessboard again, picking up one of the white rooks from the board with a scowl. The sharp click as she sets down the white rook and sets aside the black pawn draws a shaky inhale from Lyney as she moves another black pawn, the dull click of the pieces drowning out the distant clinking of machines.
..A draw, perhaps.
The pieces were all falling into place– the players of this game were slowly being revealed. Whether she could secure her victory..she was unsure.
She wasn't even sure who her opponent was. Only that the Iudex himself was but another piece in their game.
Arlecchino reached for the board again, yet this time she hesitated. Perhaps she could still swipe the win from beneath them, if she played her cards right.
She would simply have to capture the king– or, if need be, let it end on a draw. Either way, she would not concede. She could not afford to concede. Down to the last piece, she would drag out this match until she was in a position to force their hand into the outcome she desired.
She stood slowly, picking up the king piece and observing it for only the briefest of moments before she set it down on the table, taking measured steps around the table and across the room. She was hunting a much more dangerous quarry today– it would be no simple runaway traitor this time.
"Do you remember the directive?" She inquired coldly, her hand lingering on the door for that long, tense moment. "..Yes, Father." Lyney faltered, taking a hesitant step back and bowing at the waist. "Then do not stray."
All that was left was the silence and click of the door shutting behind her as she disappeared down the hall, her boots clicking harshly against the floorboards. The rest of the agents knew better then to linger in her path as she stepped down into the lobby, adjusting the cuffs of her sleeves. She barely even acknowledged the Fatui agent standing at the ready by the heavyset doors, their gloves hands held out with her cloak held loosely in their palms. She quickly snagged it from them, tugging it over her board shoulders and clasping it around her throat.
With a quick tug, she brought the hood up over her head to conceal her sharp features, lifting her hand and placing a neatly folded note within their waiting hands. She had only one chance to make the right moves and secure her victory– no matter the cost.
Each piece had it's purpose.
Oft, that purpose was a bloody and horrible end– but for the grand goal of the Fatui built on the backs of the dead, it was an honor.
She didn't bother speaking a word as she dismissed them with a wave of her hand, pushing open the heavyset doors and stepping out into the barren, damp streets. The rhythmic clink and whir of Gardemeks was still distant– she needed to move. Her boots clicked and splashed in the rain soaked stone of the streets as she slithered between the buildings, ducking through the openings in the patrols.
It was almost too easy.
She tilted her head back, taking in the towering Palais Mermonia with a scowl, her hands clenched into fists. The final moves were being played– the king was within her reach, yet she felt no more confident then when she began.
The air carried a sense of unease, thick and heavy, filling her lungs until she felt her breath still in her chest– listening to the empty, bleak night that seemed so..quiet.
She'd done her fair share of research, had more then her fair share of her agents try to peer into the Iudex's office or the Archon's supposedly hidden chambers, but every attempt was a failure. She had to give them credit, they were quite elusive when they wished to be. Though now she only thought about it bitterly– this was all a risky gamble, in the end, and only time would tell if it paid off.
With minimal effort, she'd managed to pull herself to the flat, tiled roof, eyeing the massive tower peaking out of the center cautiously. At least here the wandering patrols down below weren't likely to notice her..she could hear them passing by the spot she'd been in only a few minutes ago, just beneath her. She pulled the hood further over her face, peering through the sheer darkness of the night for any oddities, but it was almost impossible to see in the dark.
Her boots clicked softly against the tiles as she approached the tower jutting out from the Palais, her hand gliding along the smooth stone, pressing against odd indents or crevices. If it was for the Archon's chambers, she doubted they made it very difficult– she'd only met the woman once, but she doubted the Iudex make it all that complex just from a brief glance. And it surprised her little when one of the stones sunk into the wall, gears whirring as the walls split open to reveal a stairwell straight into an inky black hall. Only the barest hint of light peaked under the door at the bottom, but it's occupants must have heard her, considering it went out not a moment later.
She cautiously stepped down into the small crevice, her breath visible in the bitter cold air– her shoulders tensed at the subtle sound of muffled footsteps behind the door, her vision flaring with a molten heat between her shoulder blades as she reached for the worn handle of the door. The heat of her vision was enough to just barely heat the metal, her vision flaring like a quickly building inferno.
Arlecchino was prepared for a fight, if it came down to it.
The door creaked as she pressed against it, shoving it open with a grunt of effort and surveying the room with narrowed eyes and a biting remark on the tip of her tongue– the lavish opulence was expected, she supposed, but the lack of the towering figure of the Iudex was not.
Yet before she could get a word in or even take in her surroundings properly, the light flickered back on and she had to squeeze her eyes shut with a hiss at the sudden brightness. She could hear the door being shoved closed behind her, the hurried footsteps retreating just as quickly as her eyes adjusted to the light.
..This was a joke, wasn't it? It had to be.
She'd expected the Iudex, perhaps even the Duke if she'd been unlucky, not the Hydro Archon. She had half the mind to test her worth as an Archon then and there, her temper flaring like an uncontrollable blaze, barely kept at bay. It took all her self control to force herself to smile politely at the woman rather then snarl.
"Miss Furina," She sneered beneath her hood, x shaped pupils locked onto the startled, trembling Archon with thinly veiled contempt. "What a..pleasant surprise. You'll have to forgive my manners, I assumed I was meeting with the Iudex." She observed her body language carefully– the way her eyes darted about like a frightened rabbit seeking escape, the slightest tremble of her lips..
Arlecchino opened her mouth to offer another scathing remark, but her jaw audibly clicked shut as her entire body seemed to lock up. Even her vision went cold against her back, a chilling feeling creeping up her spine as someone, or something, crept up behind her. Their footsteps were almost silent, the slight rustling of their clothes the only thing she could hear over her heart pounding against her ribcage.
Arlecchino had always prided herself on being on the other end of that sensation– she was the monster, and her target was the prey frozen like a deer between the hunters crosshair.
It was a chilling feeling to have the dynamic shifted on it's head.
She couldn't even swallow, her jaw clenched so hard she could hear it creak as she tried to reason with her quickly splintering mind– a futile effort, her joints locking up almost painfully. Black spots were quickly swallowing her vision from the lack of air in her lungs, the sound of shuffling behind her barely audible over the ringing in her ears.
For a moment – a moment too long to have only lasted the seconds that it did, yet so quick it gave her whiplash – she thought she would hit the floor dead before she could even glimpse her assailant.
And then it was gone. She came crashing back into reality with a startled inhale, her lungs burning and her knees nearly buckling under her. The instinct to lash out and kill whoever had done it was intense, yet she couldn't bring herself to move even a finger– it would be so easy to twist around and ignite them with searing flames, but her feet were rooted in place.
She almost didn't notice the surprisingly gentle hands unclasping her cloak, tugging it off her shoulders, if not for the sheer intensity of the presence still lingering behind her. Her mind was still fractured, struggling to right itself after the ordeal, and it had her seething.
"..Are you certain you held back enough?" Furina croaked, the normally soft lilt raspy and almost hoarse. "Not– not that I doubt your capability, most Divine!"
Arlecchino felt her nails dig harshly into her palms, heat swelling beneath her skin– Divine? Had she lost her mind? The Divine was..
The Divine was upon their throne where they belonged. She'd seen them!
"Hm. Well, maybe? Sorry, I didn't think it'd affect you too." Their voice was sickeningly soft as they stepped around her like she wasn't even there, focusing their attention on the Archon who seemed more then delighted about it. "What gave you that impression, most Divine? Aha, I..was completely unaffected, as you can see! Perfectly fine."
Furina let out a small squeak when they pinched her cheek, but the almost affectionate smile that tugged at their lips revealed the lack of malice behind the action.
"You're a bad liar, Furina. You might want to sit down..please?" They didn't take her protests for an answer, gently pushing her to sit on the bed before abruptly turning to face Arlecchino once more, a forced smile on their lips. "Oh, good, you're..uh, not dead. That's good. I thought I fried your brain. Sorry?"
..Had she hit her head on the way here? The Divine should still be on their throne, yet she couldn't shake the weight of their stare– it felt tangible. She felt like she was standing face to face with the stars– galaxies and constellations bearing down upon her.
She grit her teeth and clenched her hands until she felt the sting of her nails against her palms, grounding herself in the pain through the sheer overwhelming nature of their existence.
"You.." She croaks, reaching out with a shaky hand and grabbing them by the collar of their shirt, lifting them up until their feet left the floor– she pays no mind to the startled protests of the Archon. Arlecchino would crush her like a bug before she even got the chance to intervene and they both knew it. "You shouldn't exist– you aren't them, and yet you..you're the imposter, aren't you?" Her grip tightens yet they face her without an ounce of fear, meeting her unyielding glare with a pondering look.
Arlecchino wanted to make them bleed just to see if she could, the urge to sink her teeth into skin welling up in her chest to the point she visibly snarled, her mask of politeness long . "You're the imposter." Her expression falls for a moment before she schools it into one of apathy, setting them back down and holding them there for a moment, finally releasing them after a tense moment. "Or you were supposed to be."
Hers brows furrow– she wants to demand answers, to throttle them for damning them to being nothing more then dolls for the supposed Divine to break at their whim, but none of the words come to her.
"..Why now? The current Divine has been in power for years, yet you descend now?" Her shoulders tensed, lips pursed into a thin line– it's impossible to ignore the truth that lay before her. The Divine is a fraud and this..imposter is the true Divine. How many years had they been in power, now? How many years were they waiting? Why did they wait? Was the suffering of Teyvat not enough? Was the blood that painted the steps of their stolen throne not enough?
She'd personally been on the wrong end of the Divine's wrath– she wonders..had they watched? Had they seen the cruel hand of their imposter and turned their back on Teyvat?
"I.." They hesitated. It made her seethe, her hands clenching into fists at her sides– her vision flickered, flames swelling within it's casing just to be smothered by the presence of the Divine. But once that spark had been lit, she refused to let it go out. "I didn't know."
The answer does not satisfy her. There is an itch beneath her skin that she cannot scratch, a fire that burns in her chest so hot it scorches even herself.
"And what about now? Are you content to cower like prey in the safety of the Palais Mermonia?" She snapped, taking a step forward, her brows furrowed and her glare intense– she can see the slightest bit of worry in their eyes. She revels in it. "Will you let them use your acolytes like pawns? How many more need to be broken on the steps to your throne before you act?"
Again, her vision flares and dims– it refuses to be used against the Divine that created it.
"Have you no answer?"
The room is silent. They do not speak and neither does she.
Even the world itself seems to quiet in the face of her accusations, fury boiling to the surface so hot it incinerated all it touched.
"I will kill them myself."
Their words are quiet, but they are not soft– there is a vindictive, searing anger that explodes out like dying stars within their eyes. The sight of constellations replaced by a void that would not be . The smell of ichor grows stronger– to the point she feels almost lightheaded.
"..I am aware that I have failed in preventing this, but I had no choice in the matter. Still," They muse, their voice like the tolling of bells. A solemn melody that stills the swelling fury burning in her chest, if only for a moment. "I will rectify it– I will tear down their throne of lies and let not even the earth tarnish itself by burying their corpse among it's soil."
They pause for a moment, holding out their hand– scarred and bandaged by the weapons of the devout, yet still they take upon the burden of dirtying their hands to save those who did not save them.
"Do you trust me, Arlecchino?"
Did she?
"Will you help me?"
She exhales heavily, meeting the starry iris' of the Divine with a scowl still tugging at her lips. Arlecchino trusted no one but herself.
"..Yes."
#sagau#genshin sagau#self aware genshin#genshin impact sagau#self aware genshin impact#fic tag#imposter au#genshin cult au#genshin impact cult au#arlecchino#lyney#furina#you do NOT wanna know what i got put thru writing this fic#trying 2 find out where arle was in the few times we DO see her and going down a rabbit hole of fuck fontaine and its layout actually!#I spent like 3 hours looking it up and checking in game it gives me a migraine thinking abt it. ew#anyway trying to write a really smart character is surprisingly difficult when ur as dumb as rocks#also used an actual chess match for this and gave myself an even worse migraine trying 2 make sure i didnt repeat moves or smth#furina doesnt get a spotlight yet just imagine her sitting in the corner trembling like a wet kitten you found on the side of the road#arlecchino goes thru a crisis more at 11#shes a tired single dad shes isnt getting paid enough for this okay#hands u a fic over half the length of the other THREE PARTS#ehe :]#is arle actually on ur side??? is she gonna double cross u???? who knows!!!!!#shes unpredictable she might stab u for funsies#anyway im gonna go nap in a ditch now this took SO LONGGGGG OH MY G-D#also just think acolytes who arent buddy buddy w reader and even resent them is so tasty#bc how r they supposed 2 know reader was a human vibing 5 minutes before their got eebied 2 teyvat..#reader gotta roll up their sleeves and get 2 WORK sometimes murder IS okay#they gotta fix some shit around here and that means committing several crimes all at once. sometimes more#a group can be g-d (just got here) their dragon (neuvi) their cat (archon) their dog (wrio) and their wolf (arle)
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are they partners or are they partners
#disco elysium#harry du bois#kim kitsuragi#actual dialog from the game moment#are.. are *trembling* are they gay.....#maybe.. maybe im just gay and not them lmao
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my evil woke version of celeschi where they're both trans lesbians who light up
#celeschi#mine#celestia ludenberg#chihiro fujisaki#im glad this ship is more popular than it used to be bur also. like. trembles. if u call them a het ship i think ur cooked#thisll flop but its okay according to my dark cursed amulet#drugs#smoking
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got to the end of my re-read 👍
i love them so much
#tv omens feels like they tremble with longing at every brush of the fingers#but book omens they're all up in each other's space and it's. just like the constant endearments.#it doesn't feel significant to them at all but everyone around them is like I know what you are#and theyre right.#book omens#good omens#ineffable husbands#what im saying is book omens have definitely explored each others bodies. tv omens have not.#radio omens they're on again off again (sexually) but the friendship is good#book omens the sex is like. incidental. they dont feel it's relevant or important to their relationship or their lives but it's nice#sorta just like any other activity they do.#like st james park is not itself a pillar of their relationship--the time they spend together is. no matter how it's spent#whereas tv omens the sex is a huge deal simply bc theyve been avoiding it for so long. like#like when you make a point of Hating a band on principle. but you've caught some songs on the radio and secretly you think theyre#theyre not ALL bad but you can't admit that to anyone and you still refuse to listen to them just on principle#but you know it's just a matter of time. but the longer you dig in your heels about it--the more important it becomes to maintain your#image as the type of person who has never listened to that particular band. you know#im exposing myself here. ill stop talking now.
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Just watched I Saw The TV Glow and my god they weren't lying that shit has rocked me to the core.
#isttvg#i saw the tv glow#help i am shaki g like a Chihuahua#watched with my parents and they ended it so confused while im sitting here trembling and sobbing next to them
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my tavs :3c
#my art#bg3#baldurs gate 3#more like tav & durge-ish but not rly bc when faced w/ killing the grove i trembled and shook and fell 2 my knees.#zaihala is the 1 on top..shes my main.amd i love her so much im actually so scared of ending the game bc i dont want 2 leave her behind:sob#she makes me understand the oc mindset.like shes all i want all i need my life is complete ~#& then rhys is tha other one.he/they.boobs r out. IM DOING A SINGLE SAVE RUN 4 HIM IN SOOO SCARED#not tactician lvl hard but like.eurm..UGHE><>>>im going 2 fuck it all up#but thats y i wanted to do it hehe..itll be so fun 2 play w the consequences of my actions fr#i save scum too much w zaihalas route lmao#but anyways.i love color coding ocs.they r always green (remi & bug.now zaihala) so i went red on rhys. r and r u see#(gooing in circles talking on and on aabt them)#zaihala#rhys#ocs
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More stuffs uwu
#trainer kieran#rival kieran#trainer drayton#elite four champion#feat.#champion iris#uwu#first one was finding some stationery that made me think of them and USING IT#second is. yeah.#also i think about kieran vs drayton fight and i feel weak my legs get trembly i imagine it and im close to swooning#watch me and my fail art
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actually fuckedup so bad today i cant believe it
#Shaking and trembling and covered in blood: w-well live and learn i guess right? Can’t change the past right? Onward and upward right????#Technically wasn’t even that bad i just ate more cookies than i meant to but i was just doing so WELL and then today i ate x cals#Of my favorite sweets and I couldn’t stop myself I couldn’t put them down and im so angry ive had so much self control this whole time#I’m still gonna keep under my cal max today I’ll just have salad for dinner and black coffee but fuck man. Shit#I just kept going and got upset so i ate more to quench the feeling of being upset and Ive been stifling that urge so well#i know r3str1cting isnt healthy either but i almost forgot how scary b1nging rlly feels sometimes that was the first rlly Bad one#That wasn’t caused bc i was hungry from r3str1cting intensely but simply because i wanted sugar and couldn’t say no. And its shaken me#Ugh
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i like it when people think im hot but i usually hate it when people hit on me and i just realized i think i hate confidence. if youre attracted to me you should be scared. looking at me from around the corner shaking. afraid to approach
#squeaking#like if im attracted to someone i get nauseous and terrified when i see them. as it should be#none of this “whats up beautiful” nonsense#<- something someone said to me for real once#i want them stuttering and trembling on it
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It fucks me up to think about that night in 1941 when Aziraphale did his sleight of hand and both he and Crowley couldn't perform their respective miracles, like. The worst that could happen is discorporation, you know, some human panic in the room and whatnot, but more than likely nothing with actual permanent consequences that couldn't be buffed out after the fact
And yet still, still Crowley hesitated so much when he raised that gun and he was TREMBLING, like so freaked out I thought for a second he wouldn't do it or something
And I really don't think he knew it would affect him like that until he was standing in from of him. I think even if they were capable in that moment of performing miracles that it would have affected him to some degree, but imagining watching Aziraphale discorporate by his own hand--I think that really did a number on Crowley
#im sure im the the last person to think of this#and more probably im focusing on such a minute detail#but im telling you that shit really stuck with me#like him trembling when he reached for the trigger... like damn#that was real#crowley#aziraphale#aziraphale/crowley#good omens#1941#love them. so so so so much. so precious.
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Wolcred week day 4, heal / harmony
This one isn't as good as I wanted because I was dealing with the aftermath of some intense pain, but, I got it out, even though I had to do all the colouring with a mouse while lying down-
#ffxiv#final fantasy xiv#ff14#final fantasy 14#thancred waters#wolcred#wolcred week#wolcred week 2024#miyhu#arting#oc#im tryin..........#yes they both look different every time i draw them-#also i was planning on havin miyhu in his normal outfit this time but. uno. my hands are still trembling from dealing with that pain-#thancyhu
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I am gonna say this once before everyone revokes my VC, IWTV and Good Omens cards:
They really Neil-Gaimanied my loser journalist Daniel Molloy
#iwtv spoilers#i really want to talk to the character designer person on live action#because im fucking crying#is it the signature leather jacket with dark glasses?#what they did to my own loser..... i will forgive them only if they give me the darkest old man motherfucker to ever roam the earth#i want to see all those twinks knees tremble#if they for some reason make a mairous x daniel old man yaoi happen I will be laughing in my grave because I would officially decease mysel#charming and sarcastic and absolutely RUTHLESS#i want people who like daniel to get everything that was taken from us apart from the 5 lines every 1.5 books#and you know what i deserve? armand and daniel hunting together that's what I personally deserve#neil's jackets are nicer but ....BUT#also for what ive spoiled myself they really are out there name dropping akasha and the talamascus and all those funny fuckers in the show#thats the true spirit of a first person book adaptation to a thing with a screen
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i am so so pent up pacing around my enclosure, i need some stimulation i need enrichment but my energy has reached destructive levels and so any enrichment i get will not survive the ordeal.
in other news, let me chase you through the woods pretty please?
#dogbone#asexual kink#i need to feel the purpose of the hunt again#i need to see someone as prey#i need to chase them down#i need to fight them#and when i beat them#which i will#i need to tear them to shreds#i need to stalk something through the woods#i need it to know im stalking it#i need it to fear me#the concept of me#this unknown creature#toying with you#getting drunk off your fear#seeing you as nothing but entertainment#and when i grow bored of you#when your trembling and your twitchy glances no longer fill me with delight#then i will make my presence known#then the real hunt can begin#one more day until i get released#none of you are safe#i hope you run#because i love the chase
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Are you ever so excited for something that you feel faint. That's me w Fantasy High Junior Year
#im seeing all the content Dropout is posting about it and god i could sob i missed them so fucking bad.#fantasy high was my fandom just before i got into the dsmp and ive been so so patiently wauting for junior year since sophomore year ended#for those not in the loop thats four full years ive been praying it would come back. amidst rumors it never would#every time i wrap my brain around the bad kids actually returning i start trembling.#ok sorry for rambling love u all xoxo#doodle.txt
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