#IM SO GODDAMN MAD I HATE IT HERE WHY IS EVERYTHING SO HARD FOR US SPECIFICALLY???? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

spextronaut · 1 year

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Thoughts on this week’s episode of the Mandalorian:

Watching the recap at the start of the episode and VERY AGGRESSIVE REMINDER that Bo-Katan called Din “brother” when they first met please please god do not make them have a romance 😭

If any of y’all know Doctor Who,,, these starfish things look like fucked up Oods

Imperial Mandalorians???? What the fuck??

Why is there melodrama. Why are these aliens so fucking ugly

Once again that’s just earth when will we get some decent fuckin out of orbit planet designs

GROGU <3333 DIN <33333

begging for the pattern to continue from last season with the helmet removal increases pls let Din take his helmet off today

I love that Din is having his name used more it’s so fun

These walls are so white I am fucking BLIND

JACK BLACK???? JACK MOTHERFUCKING BLACK??? OF MARIO MOVIE FAME?!?!? WHY ARE YOU HERE???

Grogu my fucking beloved

I seriously can’t get over this I love his beard but fr why the fuck is Jack Black here

Grogu loves his pets omfg <33

Not the fucking Jerry Maguire reference I hate him <3

Still can’t get over the fact that Jack Black is canonically in Star Wars

Din once again being prejudiced against droids it’s really stupid lmao

A Kuill reference?? 2 seasons after he died?? Damn

hehehe Clone Wars reference

Din has another concussion that’s fantastic

We’re finally back to this being the Mando show with Bo Katan as a side character and I can’t even begin to tell y’all how happy that makes me

This place looks like it was inspired by Tokyo that’s really cool

Fuckin yEET

oooo the girls are fightinggg

what the fuck how do Droids drink

I love when he gets violent <3

… Droid race allegory?

The droids drink lube that is so fucking dumb

Droid morgue????

DARK SABER DIN!!!!!!! LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOO

god he is so,,,, he’s hot I can’t be argued with on that

woww big surprise that the guy that was so obviously evil is evil

was that. was that a Keanu Reeves lookalike

I hate old people

Slay good job Bo Katan <3

BUG!!! BUG BALL!!!

GROGU HE IS SO FUCKING <33333

yay Jack Black is back

they get a key? for all that?

That’s a big fucking key what the hell

Grogu gets a knighthood and he didn’t even do anything I love that for him

THE WAVE 😭😭😭

Din this will be so simple just pull out the fuckin Darksaber

hehehe Bo Katan gets to be a badass that’s fun

Din fr you can stop this so easily just. Darksaber it’s not that hard

At least give him some popcorn if he’s just gonna watch goddamn

… kinky

Din. Beat his ass. Beat his fucking ass you deserve it

Din keep the fucking saber you know how it works

DIN. KEEP. THE. FUCKING. SABER.

Don’t let him give it away I’m gonna get so mad I know he doesn’t want it but HES SO HOT WITH IT THEYRE PLAYING HIS THEME AND EVERYTHING

Fuck this show. Fuck this show. Let him keep the saber. FUCK THIS SHOW I AM SO GODDAMN MAD RN

Can’t believe I was like oh this is the Mando show again bUT NO

HE DIDNT EVEN TAKE THE HELMET OFF I AM SO FUCKINGGG PISSED

Begging this to be a misdirection and the Darksaber will actually reject Bo Katan and force her to give it back to Din and that the last two episodes are good

Im so fucking mad at this episode i hate that fucking ending god fucking dammit Din deserves so much better, Pedro Pascal deserves so much better this is the show that truly got him into the spotlight and his character is being treated like shit and he doesn’t deserve it

I hate this episode but I had fun for the first 3/4 of it so I’m giving it a 6/10 overall it would’ve been much higher if Din didn’t give Bo Katan the fucking Darksaber

The worst part is that him desperately and easily giving away any semblance of power to Bo Katan fits his character it fits his character so well but that’s not how the last two seasons and TBoBF set up his arc and that’s why I’m so mad about it and hope it’s a misdirection

If it’s not a misdirection I honestly can’t say that I’ll come back for s4. I love this show and I love the characters but I would much rather live a life of pretending the fan fictions are canon than watch the show dig itself into a hole it can’t escape and ruin all the characters I love

And I don’t hate Bo Katan I like her and I like that they’re setting up her and Din not getting along very well anymore that’s good but i don’t think the way they’re treating her should be so prevalent considering the other things she’s in, she can have this arc in a different show or hell even her own show it doesn’t have to be in Mando

I’m gonna stick around until the season finishes but if it doesn’t get any better I’m not gonna come back for season 4 unless Tumblr says it’s absolutely amazing or some shit I just can’t take this disappointment anymore

Final comment: good episode when you ignore the ending, the ending was shit. Jack Black was the peak of the episode, but Grogu and Din (especially with the Darksaber!!) were also great and I am very much ignoring the end of the episode it’s not real if I don’t look at it

#spencer rambles #the mandalorian season 3 spoilers #the mandalorian spoilers #the mandalorian season 3 #the mandalorian #I’m so unreasonably mad about this episode y’all #din djarin #din djarin my beloved #grogu my beloved #grogu #bo katan kryze #that’s not a /neg tag but like… I’m not happy with her rn #the mandalorian s3 ep6 #the mandalorian season 3 episode 6 #the mandalorian chapter 22

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sapnotfoundbutwastaken · 4 years

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hey!! im new to tumblr but i love your writing and i was wondering if you could do a request for me? basically the reader is assigned to share a dorm with someone in your university, but it so happens that your dorm mate is dream, but you both hate eachother. you can try working out how they start to get a long. it could be something like angry sex or some shit but idk, feel free to play around with it!!!

brat • dream smut

a/n : welcome to tumblr, anon !! so glad you like my writing, here you go :)

POV: first person

gn!reader

pronouns: they / them

gn!physiology

warnings: smut/nsfw, enemies to lovers, “sir”, degradation, very very VERY dom/sub, bottom!reader

University. It was most definitely a mixed bag; you shove your hand into it and have no clue what you’re gonna grab out of it. Was I gonna be sitting out on the grass with my new lifelong best friends, or was I gonna end up in miserable and making half-joking comments about how much I hate my life? I guess the answer ended up being neither, but something much more complicated.

I walked into my dorm room for the first time. It was pretty bare, both of the beds completely stripped of sheets, pillows, and blankets. I walked in, taking in the new environment that I was gonna be surrounded by for the next few months until my first break. ‘This looks... depressing,’ I thought, putting down my backpack as well as the suitcases full of all of my things. I began to unpack.

I heard a person come open the door to the room. “Hey, I’m Clay... I think you’re my roommate. You can call me Dream.” I spun around, looking at him. I simply nodded, not knowing what exactly to say.

“Uh, yeah, I’m [y/n].” I turned back to my clothes, letting the silence that was once there envelope the room once again. He tended to his side of the room as I tended to mine.

“You don’t talk much, do you?” I rolled my eyes. ‘Oh god, he’s one of those people.’

“Uh, I mean I just don’t really know you yet.” I pulled my sheets out of one of the suitcases, unfolding them.

“That’s dumb, how are you gonna get to know me if you’re all quiet?” I ignored his question. I know that simply letting him talk will give me all of the information I need to know about him. “See, you don’t even know what to say, I’m right.” ‘Cocky much?’

“I don’t need to talk to you to know you.” I could almost feel his glare into the back of my head.

He scoffed, “No, you don’t need to talk to me to make assumptions. Tell me one thing you know about me.”

I turned around and looked at him. “First, people only show their good side, so I like to make my own observations of their behavior. For example, you’re cocky as fuck.”

He rolled his eyes, turning back to his bed to unpack his things. “Okay, then here’s my ‘observation’, you’re a bitch.”

“Okay, and you’re an asshole.” I retorted, childishly, before putting in my headphones and deciding to ignore him as much as possible. ‘Out of every fucking person I could be paired with... why him?’

I walked from the bus stop up the stairs of the dorm building and to my shared room with... him. Dream, as he told me to call him. As much as I hated his attitude and almost everything about his annoying personality, I had to admit that after a month I was coming around in a way. Maybe I didn’t find him completely unbearable, but I definitely still didn’t like him.

I entered the space and set my bag next to my desk. Dream was laying on his bed, looking at his phone. “Hey, I’m having like 3 friends over here tonight, so could you find a place to stay?” I looked at him, my expression dripping with ‘say deadass’.

“Uh, no? You can’t tell me things like this last minute, dude. This is my place, too,” I stated, letting the truth onto him. His attention darted from his phone to me.

“I can’t just cancel!” He exclaimed in defense.

“Yes you can, and you will! Reschedule it for another time.” He was silent, staring at me.

“Fine,” He mumbled after a moment of quiet. I turned to my desk, taking out my homework for the day and setting it down. I walked into our shared bathroom with some comfortable clothes and turned on the shower. Stripping off my clothing, I stepped in as soon as it was hot enough. I sighed in content, the steaming water caressing my body and relaxing my muscles.

After a bit of washing myself and relaxing, I turned off the water and stepped out onto the tile. As I changed into my clothes, I could hear Dream talking through the door, “They’re fucking annoying, man, but they’re hot so whatever, I guess.” My eyes widened as he spoke. ‘...me?’

I can’t say that I never found him hot. He’s tall, broad shoulders, pretty green eyes... who wouldn’t be attracted to him? He’s hot, but he’s a dumbass, and I think that’s the only thing that was stopping me from pursuing him.

I walked out after I finished drying my hair, bringing the blonde boy’s attention to me. “I gotta go, talk to you later,” He rushed out, hanging up in a hurry. I quirked a brow at him in confusion.

“What was that about?” I asked, taking a seat at my desk.

“Had to cancel. Nothin’ else.” I chuckled at his attempt to not share much.

“So who’s this hot but annoying person you were talking about?” I questioned, my eyes changing course to look at his face.

His cheeks flared up, his freckled skin turning pink. “Don’t listen in on my phone conversations, bitch,” He said harshly.

I stood up. “Excuse me? Listen, I already told you to stop talking to me like that-”

“You’re so hot when you look like that,” He interrupted me. Now it was my turn to start blushing.

“L-Like what?” I asked, half mumbling.

“When you get all worked up. That’s why I like bothering you so much.” I was stuck in my spot, unsure of what to say to that. The thought of Dream finding me hot was so insanely flustering for whatever reason, and it never occurred to me until that moment.

He got up, walking over to me. I looked up and into his eyes. “Sometimes, when you make me really mad, I think about slamming you into your mattress,” He said, quietly, making the rasp in his voice stick out. “And just taming you... because you’re just such a brat, sometimes.” My breath got caught in my throat, I felt like I couldn’t even speak. “Sometimes a brat needs to be put in their place, don’t you think?” I nodded. “Use your words.”

“I, uh- yes, sir,” I stuttered out. A smirk pulled at his lips, and his hand made it’s way up to my cheek, cupping my face. He slowly pushed his thumb between my lips, causing me to start sucking it. He pulled it out, my mouth releasing it with a quiet ‘pop’.

“Get on your knees, angel.” I obeyed immediately and got down on my knees. “You wanna undo my belt?”

I nodded, eagerly. “Yes, please?” He nodded, humming an ‘mhm’. I bit my lip as I undid his belt before unbuttoning his jeans. I glanced up at his face before unzipping them as well and pulling them down. I could see the outline of his hard-on through his boxers. I slowly and softly palmed him over the thin material, eliciting a low, quiet moan.

“Take them off, sweetheart.” I nodded and pulled down his underwear, his cock springing up due to the sudden freedom. I licked the palm of my hand before wrapping it around his shaft and slowly moving it up and down. I looked up at his face, seeing his lip between his teeth as I touched him.

“Can I use my mouth, sir?” I asked him, even though I already know the likely answer.

He nodded, “Mhm, use your mouth.” I softly licked the tip of his member before wrapping my lips around it, sucking lightly. I started bobbing my head, taking more of him in my mouth every time I went back down. “Do you think you can deep-throat me, angel?”

I nodded. “C-Can I do that, sir?” He nodded, his hand making it’s way into my hair. I slowly started to take more of him in my mouth, eventually getting to the point of him hitting the back of my throat. I choked a little but pushed through it. I continued to take as much as I could down my throat, Dream softly fucking my face.

“Just like that, baby,” He groaned as I continued to bob my head. He pulled a bit on my hair, sending heat down between my legs. He pulled my head off of his dick by my hair, a string of spit bridging the gap. “Get on the bed, safe word is puppy.” I nodded and jumped up off of the floor and onto my bed.

He yanked my sweatpants down, pulling down my underwear with it. I pulled my shirt over my head and he did the same to himself. “You want my cock, baby? Look at how turned on you are.”

I let out a soft moan as he rubbed me right where I needed it. “I want it so bad, sir, please..” I begged. He bit his lip before pulling a bottle of lube out of his dresser.

“Get on your stomach, I’m gonna fuck your pretty little hole from behind.” Butterflies erupted in my stomach as I followed his directions. I could hear the slippery liquid being drizzled and spread all over his cock, it only made me want him more.

He slowly pushed into me, making a moan uncontrollably escape my lips. “Fuck...” I whispered.

“Yeah, you like feeling all full, don’t you? Such a fuckin’ whore for me,” He teased slowly moving with my permission. He gradually sped up, the two of us letting out moan after moan, the sound of our skin colliding being the only other sound filling the room. “You’re such a goddamn brat,”

“I... I know, sir... please- please don’t stop!” His hand made it’s way into the roots of my hair, pulling it, making it hurt so perfectly.

“Yeah? Don’t stop?” He asked, breathlessly as he started going faster. “I’m not gonna stop, angel.” I bit my lip, my eyes rolling to the back of my head as he pounded into me.

I touched myself as he fucked me, making everything feel double as good. “S...s-sir, I-I’m gonna... D-Dream, please!” I let out incoherent sentences.

“Aw, look, you can barely talk. Come on, sweetheart, cum for me like a good little slut.” The knot in my stomach fell apart as he spoke, a loud moan leaving my body once again. He let me ride out my high before pulling out and stroking himself and releasing all over my back. I bit my lip as I felt the warm liquid hit my skin.

He laid down beside me. “What do we say?” He asked, teasingly.

I giggled. “Thank you, sir.”

#dream team smut #dream #dreamwastaken #dream team #mcyt #dream smut #dream x reader #mcyt smut #mcyt x reader #fanfic #imagines #one shot #request #anon

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luvsicksubs · 4 years

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꘎♡━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♡꘎

heat - kyotani kentarou

warnings: pegging, reader is so goddamn mean, making fun of maddog for being maddog, brat!kyo </3, fem!reader

this is based off that one post

a/n: hello! this scene is pretty intense at some parts and can read as dubcon (brat-taming has a tendency for that but it’s all consensual between these two) so im gonna put the warning

also, when practicing bdsm - please practice being safe, sane and consensual . make sure you have a system for you and your partner to communicate your headspace during the scene. don’t be afraid to safeword, dom or sub and practice good communication.

this fic has reader use the greenlight system, a common safeword system in bdsm. green for go, yellow for slow down, and red for hard stop.

i’ve included a little scene of aftercare for context of the reader and kyo’s relationship and for everyone to have a peace of mind. take care of your sub boys and take care of your doms <3

“C’mon, Kyo - why don’t you fuckin give it up already?,”

You slam your hips forward, forcing Kyoutani forward on his elbows and knees. His hole clenches so tightly it’s hard to move, yet your pace remains relentless. You checked in just before, that he wants this despite himself but you can’t deny how fun this is to tease him.

“Fuck off,” he barks through gritted teeth. You laugh, tone incredibly arrogant as you rest your forehead on his shoulder. You angle your hips, wrapping one around his cock and toying with the ring as you set a pace before simple wrapping your first around it. He groans, his voice coming out in sporadic grunts and broken moans.

You’e waiting on it - the moment Kyotani simply breaks out of his facade and admits to himself how much he likes all this. All signs point to yes, but your Kyo is nothing if not a fighter. He grits his teeth so hard he feel like he might break his jaw, thinking for a second you’re showing him mercy. Instead, your using your hands to spread his ass apart before giving deep and long strokes. The angle upward presses right against his prostate and oh fuck - his elbows give out from pleasure. His face is buried in your sheets, hands clutching at something.

“Color?,”

“Green,”

He’s so weak right now, you manage to keep both of his arms behind him as you continue your maddening pace. The pressure in his stomach is only building and he needs to cum so bad. He won’t like this.

“Your ass is so fucking tight baby,” you say giving it a harsh hit. The stinging makes him bite his lip as desire floods him

“Your cock is practically fucking drooling all over my hands,” you make note of as you jerk him off at an equally slow pace. He swears in strings under his breath, unable to keep his composure. ‘

“How fucking filthy are you, Kyo? You’re rock hard cause you’ve got your girlfriend fucking you like some cheap broad - and you’re loving every second of it,”

“Fuck you,”

“Dunno, Mad-Dog - the way you’re sucking me up right now tells me you’re liking this a hell of a lot more,”

“Shit, no way - I’m not liking this,”

“Tell me to stop then why don’t you? If you hate it so much, you know I’d never make you. You asked me, remember? Asked me to fuck this tight little thing and make you cum untouched like the bitch in heat that you are,”

“Shut up, fuck,” pleasure courses through him at hearing your gruff words. You always treat him so sweetly but it’s making him dizzy to hear you like this. So fucking mocking, and disrespectful as you pound him so hard and so good the back of his thighs are stinging.

His cock is so angry and aching. Everything in him is burning dizzy with the feeling of your cock stretching him out and filling his stomach. It feels like you’re in his spine with the way your angled. He needs to cum. He needs to cum so hard against your hand and make a mess and then he needs to do it a hundred times over to get some relief.

“Come on love. It’s just me and you here. I’m the only one whose gonna fill you up like this so don’t go worrying about it - your boys aint gonna hear it from me,” you say cheekily.

Kyotani is trying so hard to hold it in. Some kind of involuntary reaction washes over him painfully and he can feel nothing coming out but that familiar feeling. Holy shit - he thought that only happened in porn.

“Can’t help but be curious about your boys might think if they knew their mad-dog was some bitch. See you get so riled up and whiny over dick like you’re a dumb slut just might make ‘em laugh,”

His dick twitches mindlessly again, how fucking embarrassing. You whistle under your breath and Kyotani feels his soul leave his body.

You pick your pace again, making his stomach lay flat on the bed as you press on the lower parts of his spine and fuck some sense into him for the last time. Sweat is beading down his forehead in concentration You lean down, licking the shell of his ear before whining.

“Gonna milk that pretty cock of yours dry tonight no matter what it takes Kyo,” you say, pressing even harder on his back. He cries out, unable to escape the feeling.

“Admit to me you like it and I’ll reward you by touching you - if not, I’ll make sure and find some other ways. Mmkay?,”

“Fuck, fuck - yes, it feels so good. Feels so fucking good when you fuck me with your cock now please, please touch me. Please make me cum before I lose my mind,” he babbles, his voice thoroughly wrecked. Your core burns with desire as you laugh.

“Got it, baby. Flip over me,”

And he does, laying on his back, you make him hold his legs up and fuck the daylight out of him, spitting in your hands and sliding it over his dick with ease. Now everything happens quickly, so quickly Kyotani barely has sight of you. When you lean over him, he wraps his arms around your neck and moans brokenly through his orgasm. Drool is dry on the corner of his lips and his face is entirely crimson. So fucked out he can barely meet your eyes.

“God, nggh, shit - it’s,”

He shoots hot white so far that hits your chest and drips on his. He almost yells, vision going bleary for a few seconds too long as you guide him through his orgasm.

He returns to his senses in a few troubling moments. As soon as he feels you pull out, he shudders at the emptiness and drags your frame over him. He’s clingy after sex always, but especially at times like this.

“You okay?,”

“Hn,”

[aftercare]

Kyotanis heartbeat is slow. After he came, you showered together and chatted softly about nothing. He washed your hair and clung close the whole time, clearly exhausted. Thoroughly tuckered out, he now is laying in your side. Face buried in your neck. It’s this part that’s still hard for Kyotani, that you love him so much to still stay after all the sex. It feels so goo to be here like this, he almost wants to run away. It’s terrifying to wear his hear on his sleeve.

But you make it so easy. You make it all better, and he does the same for you by trusting you. To love, and be loved.

“How was it, baby? Did I do okay?,”

He sighs, nodding.

“You always do fuckin’ great,” he says with no malice. Strong arms are secured around your middle, a sign you aren’t going anywhere tonight and you laugh.

“Nothing was too much, right? The boys comment i was worried about,”

He moves to look up at you, shaking his head. He grins wickedly, pinching your sides.

“I know you’d never really do that, too soft - but it was hot when you threatened me,”

You giggle at that, and his smile becomes genuine as it settles into your sides. You run your hands along the prickly hairs on his head, humming.

“You did really good too baby. I’m so proud of you,”

He doesn’t respond to that, just huffs and tightens his grip. He knows you mean it, so no words are exchanged for a while.

“Did you cum?,”

You’re surprised by the sudden question and prying eyes. It’s small but it’s how you know he cares.

“Not yet. I was gonna take care of it later since you seemed -”

He immediately scoots himself between your thighs, resting his cheek on your bare thigh and looking at you with another wild smile.

“Can I have my reward then?,”

You smile at him. Still your good boy then, asking for permission. He seems exhausted but he still wants to take care of you and you’re inclined to let him. You nod, yawning a little as you pull your panties to the side.

“Eat up, baby,” you add slickly. He mumbles a heavy thanks before doing just as you ask.

꘎♡━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♡꘎

#kyotani x you #kyotani x y/n #kyotani x reader #kyotani kentaro x reader #kyotani kentaro x y/n #kyotani kentaro x you #kyotani imagine #kyotani imagines #kyotani kentaro imagines #kyotani kentaro imagine #sub!kyotani #k; pegging #k; degradation #aftercare inclusive #I LOVE THIS FIC #rlly i just love kyo but whatever dude #here u guy everyone in my askbox sjdkhj

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corpsentry · 4 years

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january: an art retrospective

i did some stuff last month (but it’s a lot of stuff and there’s a photodump + some Serious Fucking Reflection, so it’s all below the cut)

so ok, let’s start with this. here are some heads. each head has a red arrow. that red arrow is what i call the red line of the devil. it’s the slope of the face from the side of the eye to the cheekbone and then down towards the chin. up until like 2 weeks ago, i couldn’t draw it. i couldn’t fucking draw it. i would edit over that part of the face over and over again until i was frustrated and tired and i had a raging homosexual headache and it still never looked right. notice that each head is different. notice that each head looks wrong.

at the start of 2021 i finally admitted to myself, as per the image above, that i was deeply, deeply unhappy with my art. what was the problem? i dunno. but i decided i was going to fix it and i was going to do so via another one scribble a day event wherein for every day of january i would find a photo of a human head, and i would draw it.

january 1st, 2021. i was embarrassed to tweet this even on my private account where like 5 friends and a rock would see it. in retrospect, you can also see all of my bad habits emerging like dicks from a hole in the ground. it’s disproportionate. the brows look flat. the eyes are slanting upwards. the entire drawing looks flat, like this isn’t a 3d person but a caricature of one.

january 2nd, 3rd, 4th:

on the 2nd i decided to start a separate thread for doodles and applied learning. here’s the first set of tests

the rest of the week is kind of uneventful so we’re going to skip those. fast forward to january 11th

this one is especially bad. i am acutely aware, suddenly, that i am not changing anything at all. i’m stressed and miserable about it because i’m still trying to see people as people and trying to draw people that look attractive and proportionate and hot. my friend, leny, reminds me that i need to think about faces in terms of planes. i have a moment. my other friend masha sends me some links to anatomy tutorials. i have another moment.

january 11th. applied sketch

january 13th is when i start the troubleshooting process. the link above drives me mad because i’m pretty happy with the face but then i realize that there’s something very fucking wrong with the shape of the head LOL and then i realize that i’ve never had any idea what the proportion of the face to the rest of the skull is so i grit my teeth and i open a new canvas and i

bald studies. it seemed like the right thing to do. can’t draw heads? ok draw some heads. look at some photographs. i traced each photo but tried to stick to straight lines so that i could replicate the shapes more easily. i broke each face down into shapes. i thought about airplanes

i got really excited. i started doing studies, then applied studies, then stylized studies.

sketches. i’m not sure what’s going on (as always) and it’s very rough, but they look different from the sketches i did on january 2nd. that’s a start

january 16th’s daily study. looks more like a person now. juuuuuust a bit

more applied studies

on the 18th i take a break and go stare at some lips because i don’t understand how the fuck they work. again, i focus on shapes, on volume, on the fact that these things exist in 3d. holy fuck lips exist in 3d. holy fuck we are real

january 19th. i’m working on it.

january 22nd. some sketches + a daily study. it has finally occurred to me that heads can tilt up and down and that things look different accordingly. yes i was not aware of this before. yes i have been drawing for over a decade.

january 23rd. by this point after doing my daily sketch i almost always go back and do an applied study which is basically to say i drew a lot of fucking links. this one looks kind of okay. i’m kind of proud

january 25th. links. trying to make sense of everything i’ve learned

26th, 27th, 28th. daily studies

january 1st. january 31st

The End Of The Photo Dump (dab)

ok NOW i get to talk about what i discovered while studying the shit out of human beings

FIRST OF ALL, there is something precious and magical about drawing shit without the explicit knowledge that you’re going to tweet that shit out to 45 people later. it takes the burden of perception off your shoulders and that does something to you, or at least that’s my theory. i told myself i wouldn’t post any of this stuff until the end of the month (if i wanted to post it at all) and kept everything off my public social media accounts and that meant i could draw ugly as hell without worrying about who would point and laugh, which i absolutely fucking did. a lot of these are fucking trainwrecks. most of these are fucking trainwrecks. why do they look like that?? why??? this doesn’t look like the work of someone who’s allegedly been drawing since they were in kindergarten, does it?????

here’s why: because that person took a huge motherfucking swing at everything they’d ever known about art and spent a month building something new in its place. the abstract explanation is that i grew up on shoujo and weird old anime and my understanding of anatomy was unironically kamichama karin and while i love kamichama karin, when kamichama karin is your rule even if you try to break it, you’re going to end up going nowhere. “you have to know the rules to break them”, yeah? well i didn’t know shit. the abstract explanation is i’ve been miserable about my art for a few years now because i saw other people doing things effortlessly which i couldn’t and instead of going back to the basics, i tried to do what they did (not plagiarism, mind you, i mean i literally tried to copy the red line of the devil i mentioned above because i couldn’t even make that happen) and then i fucking failed.

the simple explanation is this. i had to unlearn everything, and relearn it again (like some kind of new renaissance clown, what the fuck is this?)

take this for example. all my life i’ve drawn faces in the order: eyes, nose, mouth, face shape, head. this works for some people, im aware, but it was something central to how i had always drawn, so i decentralized it. i said fuck you to the old me and changed the order up. now i start with the nose, then the eyes, mouth, the chin line, and the sides of the face. now i force myself to think about the human head as a series of parts interacting with each other instead of a bunch of disparate features which i want to look pretty.

or let’s use this zelda from last year. something about this looked wrong last october, the way something about all of my drawings looked wrong, but i couldn’t pinpoint it for hell the way i couldn’t articulate Any of my feelings about the visual arts. now, looking back, here’s what i see. that nose is sticking out far too much given how she’s not really facing very far away from the camera. that ear at the back shouldn’t be there. her forehead is too big. she doesn’t have a forehead. what the fuck is up with the shape of her head?

so apparently reject modernity embrace tradition has its roots in alt-right terminology and i’m not very horny for the alt-right (you understand), but the spirit survives here. you know sometimes you have to admit that you have no idea what the fuck you’re doing and draw people for 31 days. i’ve spent my whole life drawing stylized people and while again there are artists who have no issue with this, i veered off the track of the Good and the Holy and couldn’t get back on. i had no point of reference because i’d never thought about what an actual human being looks like, so i had no way to fix what i knew in my gut looked wrong but wouldn’t come out better.

this was hard. this was like oikawa tooru swallowing his worthless pride and admitting that ushijima wakatoshi had gotten the best of him for the last time in his high school career, but in haikyuu!! by furudate haruichi oikawa tooru fucks off to argentina and then joins the argentinean national team, and you know what, i think i’ve made it to argentina (not the team just the country). as per the golden rule of dont fucking move until you’re at least two thirds of the way through the month, i only started trying to draw Shit shit on like the 22nd or something, but i was happy with that i created. i am happy with what i’ve done. i’ve posted like 2 things this month that involve people with what i now call ~applied Knowledge~~ and they’re, like, not perfect obviously (perfection is an unattainable ideal), but i’m fucking proud of them. i didn’t spend 5 hours hunched over my laptop adjusting the red line of the devil because it’s not a devil’s line anymore. because i finally sorta get how people work. because i sat down and i said ‘we are not going to fuck with this misery shit anymore’ and then i did that. it’s just a line now.

here are 2 collages tracking my painstakingly carved out progress from january 2nd to february 2nd because i’m a slut for collages

and here’s what i’ve done to my art! the same person drew these but also Not Really! you know! for the first time in a year i don’t immediately hate what i’ve drawn. you know what guys? art is fucking fun. zelda’s forehead doesn’t scare me anymore because i know how foreheads fucking work now, and i don’t know everything, and i’m going to keep troubleshooting stuff as i go (i want to draw a skeleton. like a. i want to draw a goddamn skeleton guys) but i’m honestly and genuinely proud of what i’ve done in the span of a month, and i’m also in disbelief. i started this month-long challenge out as a last ditch effort to make peace with my art because i’ve been tired for a long time and i was ready to kick the bucket on drawing people altogether. i didn’t think anything would happen. nothing’s happened for years. i’ve been miserable for years.

this was the caption for january 1st, 2021. i was super, super fucking embarrassed and it looks like super fucking shit, but you know what, i think i did in fact triumph over the bullshit. surprisingly enough, when you put in consistent effort into something, You Will See Results. didn’t see that coming, did you? i know i didn’t.

this isn’t a success story. it’s a happiness story. i never gave a shit damn about the institute of art or whatever, i was just mad at myself because what i saw in my head didn’t match up with what was on the canvas. and now it’s getting better. now i’m calibrating the compass. now drawing not just backgrounds but also people is exciting to me, and i can stick my links in your face and tell you ‘they hot’. i’m going to keep doing that. i’m going to keep going until i drop off the side of the earth and then spiral towards mars like some kind of fairy, and then i’m going to create something beautiful.

thanks for reading. here’s a pr department link for sticking around until the end

#my stuff

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fktonofwhatnow · 3 years

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ok hold on. acomaf is my fave book out of the whole series (it's mostly out of emotional value, i read it when i was younger and didn't have a real understanding out trauma and abuse only that i saw a character i loved getting out of a bad situation and getting happy) so obviously i didn't mind feysand being endgame and the development all of the characters had. i can accept tamlin turned out like that is realistic due to his trauma, i can accept feyre had to flee because it wasn't right for her, but the thing is after acofs i see no point to feyre leaving tamlin when rhysand ends up doing everything they told us tamlin was evil and unredeemable for. hiding the risks of her pregnancy, putting on shields on her, having feyre need to compromise over it. i honestly felt so betrayed by that. i'm not saying feyre and tamlin were good for each other, but it doesn't feel worth it to dismiss the potential they had for what we got with feysand.

also, sarah learn to treat "ugly" trauma with respect challenge. no they don't need to learn to physically fight to fight it. no they don't need a love interest to overcome it. yes the behaviors acquired from trauma and abuse aren't pretty but that doesn't mean a person is undeserving of kindness and compassion.

i think i had a point somewhere but i can't get to it. so hope you don't mind my rambling. anyway i loved your meta about tamlin i think he deserves better too

HOLY SHIT THIS ONE IS SO GOOD OK IM SO EXCITED

Bro you are so fine, I'm the one who doesn't make any sense and I totally get what you're trying to say. (Acomaf was actually my favorite book in the series too ngl)

BUT FUCK YEAH LETS TALK ABOUT RHYSAND.

I don't think it's a secret that Rhysand is one of my least favorite characters in media, probably ever? (How do I even put this into words) He is a bad character and to me, laughably so. You know how if you've ever written a character, there's that little phase that's like "what if people don't like this character' and then you're sad for a little bit? That's how Rhysand feels to me. He feels like SJM looked at this character and thought "I can't stand the thought of people not liking this character because I love him so much" and then did everything in her power to make sure we know how great he is.

Idk if this is just me screaming into the void, but I get to this place with my characters where like, especially if they are a little more morally gray or their decisions have negative impacts, I understand that I don't need the audience to like my main character. they can stand on their own, they can own up to what they do and they can grow from it. Thats what a good character does. That's how you keep your audience rooting for them. You gotta knock them over sometimes.

SJm doesn't knock Rhysand over. She doesn't push him to make mistakes, apologize, own up and move on. Rhysand has never made a decision that ended poorly for him. Everything goes the way he wants it to, because SJm wants us to know how cool and great he is. People who are cool and great don't make bad decisions! SJm doesn't let Rhysand fail, and she doesn't let him suffer his own decisions. Everyone else suffers his decisions, not him.

Rhysand's reputation as a good person hinges entirely on the audience liking him and/or thinking he's hot. And then what happens when the audience thinks neither of those things? Ya get a rly long post like this by a lil enby who is mad all the time. Rhysand loses all credibility when you look at him through a critical lens. Not a single thing the man does makes any goddamn sense. Here I thought acosf would give us a different perspective on Feysand and I was desperately hoping that Nesta would tell us what she really sees in them and how people around them really feel, I hoped that SjM would throw us for a loop and tell us that hey, she does know that Feysand are fucking toxic as hell and ruin the lives of people around them and she wants to show us that from an outside perspective but noooOoOOOoOoOOOO...

Instead we get Nesta hating herself because Rhysand told her that she shouldn't tell Feyre that Feyre could uh die in childbirth. Hey what the fuck.

Now I don't actually ship feylin, I kinda always sorta knew, even without spoilers, that it wasn't going to work out. Tamlin isn't sjm's idea of a good partner because he's not charming and witty and dark and handsome ya know? We met Rhysand and I knew that I was going to fucking hate this romance. Which sucks because I found Rhysand so intriguing in the first book. Ngl all the time spent in the spring court was kinda boring and every time Rhysand showed up to throw dead faeries at Tamlin I was like "oooooo" and I wanted to know more about why Tamlin, this awkward, blunt and kinda shy dude had beef with this super duper sly and shady man from another court.

I don't know if I've ever said this before, but SJm doesn't let her love interests grow. Rhysand doesn't change over the course of the story because he was already a good guy and his motives were for Feyre's sake I swear, the same goes for Rowan in TOG. SJm doesn't give Rhysand room to change. She needs to get to the part where they fuck make sure everyone knows that Rhysand is a good guy and actually he was good all along so that we like him more than Tamlin. It backtracks on everything bad Rhysand has ever done because you know... He had a good reason! It's fine!

I know it's probably just because SJm doesn't actually know how to write a good character growth arc but... Like can you imagine if Rhysand stayed the bad guy? Or at least remained the bad guy through acotar and acomaf? And then when Rhysand comes to take Feyre for his bargain it really was only to spite Tamlin? What about Rhysand, taking Feyre to the night court with him once a week every month for a long time, if only to see Tamlin's eyes grow darker and emptier every time he goes, and then he really starts to fall in love with Feyre. He's been a monster all this time, angry and cold and cruel and then he actually starts to fall in love. And then to get Feyre to stay he really does try to change, he stops antagonizing Feyre, he stops throwing dead faeries at Tamlin, and he stops harassing the Spring court. He starts spending genuine quality time with Feyre, he starts to learn about her and all the things she likes and he stops trying to get her to come with him just so Tamlin will be mad. He starts asking her to come with him because he wants to be around her and he prays that someday she'll want to be around him too. What if SJm let him grow.

But nahhhhhh instead we have a character who always knows the right answer to things, and he always knows how to fix every issue, and he is always so innovative and outside the box except that he isn't. We get a character who does the same shit as Tamlin but it's ok because he had a good reason not to tell Feyre that she could very well die in childbirth. Uhhhh don't know what that is but uhhh I know he has his reasons because all he has are his reasons.

It would be so easy to hold a mirror up to Rhysand and say "look at this. Look who you are. Do you not look just like Tamlin right now?"

But nooooooooOoOOOo Rhysand doesn't get to be wrong. Rhysand doesn't get to look like Tamlin because Tamlin is evil and Rhysand is definitely NOT I SWEAR.

But yeah I think the point I'm trying to make is that Sarah thinks so highly of Rhysand that he could never do wrong. He could never be like Tamlin, despite the narrative literally telling us the exact opposite.

Like you said, we lost the potential of what feylin could have been if SJm didn't suddenly decide that her audience needs to love Rhysand as much as she does. I think feylin could have been slow and sweet and a story of true healing and learning about one another. I think it would have been kind and steady and lots of "are you ok"s and "I'm sorry"s and "talk to me"s. Everything about Feysand feels rushed and hard and fast and the rest of the world doesn't have time to catch up. It's fucking exhausting to read it ya know what I'm saying.

(also can we talk about Rhysand like dying and Feyre finding the suriel and learning he's her mate and then instead of being like "k let's put a pin in that and fuckin save his life first" she like throws him around and everyone is like "wtf woman" and she's like I neeD tO Be alOnE these people have no idea how to prioritize)

Truly, I think it's innocent to a degree. There is absolutely no harm in wanting people to like your character. The harm comes when you destroy another character with no reason or explanation other than you want people to like a different character. Villain arc? Completely out of left field. You gotta build to that shit or like... Make it so that when you look back you slap your forehead and yell at a wall "OF FUCKING COURSE I SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT"

anyways, SJm treat "ugly" trauma with respect challenge SECONDED.

WELL IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME WEEKS YO WRITE IM HAVING A HARD TIME I know it probably doesn't make any sense I can't find my braincells BUT thanks for the ask @xelly

Tell me all your acotar things I love yo hear them !!

#rhysand #anti rhysand #anti sjm #anti acotar #anti inner circle #tamlin #lucien deserved better #they all deserved better frankly

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torivikachu · 3 years

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I was just listening to Hamilton AGAIN - yeah I just put it on while working all the time - and it just hit me how really relatable Hamilton (or I mean, Lin-Manuel's interpretation of him) is. well, at least for me.

if you're wondering if this is worth your time it is NOT

anybody except me likes lists? I like lists. so let's make a list!

also let's see how many quotes can I fit into this post

whoa, I am excited about it.

1. the moment he meets Aaron Burr, he just sorta searches for something to bond over. like, hey dude I heard you went to Princeton? I wanna go there too, let's bond over it! by the way, I punched someone there lol I swear I am not stupid aand Burr, like um, no, thanks really, I better go, you seem violent, my parents wanted me to go there, okay, and Ham like WHOA YOU AN ORPHAN? WOW I AM TOO IT'S LIKE FATE OR SOMETHING LETS BOND and Aaron like wtf dude just shut up

and honestly that's just me, if I meet a person I like I will latch onto anything and I get sorta...fixated? so yeah, this dialogue is relatable as fuck

2. and Alex doesn't shut up, but then he goes all or am I talking too much?

bro, your anxiety shows.

3. and he keeps ranting all through the show, but his rants seem to charm everybody while I think mine just annoy and scare away? whatever, moving on, with Washington asking him why are you upset and he's replying IM NOT like a fucking teenager and it's probably a small thing but it's relatable as hell

4. and then once he is given permission he dives and buries himself into work, never does things halfway and is eager to take on more responsibilities and do something new and is just generally non-stop and while I can only wish for same energy as he, I like to have a lot of work aswell (well I sure as hell whine about it a lot but Hamilton does too! what's with I havent slept in a week I was weak I was awake you've never seen a bastard orphan more in need of a break)

5. he's flirty and has no qualms with innuendos. and very forward with his feelings? like you strike me like a woman who has never been satisfied sounds like a pickup line that either gonna win him a lot more than a number or fail miserably. he's like going all out, wearing his heart on his sleeve, and if it takes fighting a war for us too meet it will have been worth it and like seriously? yeah, flirt with every person in the room without skipping a beat, why not? he literally said on one intake of breath mr lafayette hard rock like lancelott i think your pants look hot laurens i like you a lot. he compliments people, he just throws it out instantly, most times he meets someone for the first time he compliments them and it's kind of my strategy too? it's not even a strategy, I just blurt out everything I like about a person once I meet them. it's like embarassing, because I liked a piece of jewelery on my co-worker once, and she was talking about something important while I could barely keep up because I kept thinking wow it looks great I gotta let her know. this strange need of mine to voice all thoughts annoys even me sometimes,

6. and then again, when he is angry or doesn't like something, it's painfully obvious. I don't tend to sprout profanities to people I don't like or saying stuff like madison you mad as hatter son take your medicine or you must be out of your GODDAMN mind or you absolutely right John should have shot him in mouth that would've shut him up but I can't school my face so it is always transparent what I am thinking about so my dislike is noted and not appreciated. it got me into enough embarassing situations. actually when studied in lyceum (like a sort of highschool) we had a principal and she addressed us as children and told us to call her mom and every time I was like WHAT THE HELL. I remember her eyes landing on me one time she said that and she almost did a doubletake at my facial expression. so the I'M NOT YOUR SON sentiment is not lost on me.

7. he speaks his mind when he thinks advice is in order? um if you love this woman go get her or for once in your life take a stand with pride. I tend to do it too, because I get winded up pretty fast, and I don't think it's always wise, because it's easy to judge from outside. I am pretty much sure that is the reason one of my friends back from school stopped talking to me. she had a bit of situation with her boyfriend and I still think her boyfriend is a piece of shit and she shouldn't have accepted him back, but whatever. wasn't my place to give advice, apparently

8. he gets overexcited? gentlemen of the jury I am curious bear with me are you aware that we are making history? like really I can't imagine ever getting like that at court. well I can imagine, because I get overexcited too, but saying that out loud? i'd be mortified

9. he's never satisfied? I know I already sorta covered it already, but it's more about him eager to learn and do more and feeling that what he's done and learnt is not enough, never enough. I so feel him on this, it's like yeah sure I know 4 languages, but that can't be enough can it? yeah I've got one degree but that's just ONE DEGREE that's like minimum I gotta get more

10. I know I talk too much I'm abrasive and I am not quoting Hamilton I am talking about myself thank you very much

11. he's a whiny bitch: but they don't have a plan they just hate mine -oh yes- or whatever it is Jefferson started it -huh yes sure-

12. forgetting your sons birthday? I forget my own age, sis. these little details just escape my attention. I like forgot it was my boyfriend's birthday this year - we literally live in the same flat. it took me a couple hours and a reminder from facebook. literally. and then I'll try to get away - hahaha it's like me saying to my parents - oh sure I'll some visit in a couple of months (they live in another part of the country) and then in a half a year being like oh wow when was the last time I went home

13. oh, here comes some more heavy stuff - say no to this. I was in a couple situations where I lost this battle. I think I have some polyamorous tendencies? but I am also very posessive and jealous, yeah, not a great mix, I know. so, I might have sorta dated two girls at one time once. well, not really dated, we were just bi-curious with one? we were friends, just... um, trying things. and then at some point I met another girl and it escalated pretty quickly and we sorta got together (oh my god the whole situation was a mess I was so confused about my sexuality back then and so ashamed you have no idea) and I didn't break it off with the first girl, but it was okay since we weren't... a thing? they knew each other but had no idea I slept with both of them. well we haven't really gotten that far with the first one but. and then the other asked at some point if she's the only one I do this with and I lied and a month into this endeavor I realized it was too much and sorta stopped seeing the first girl. we also stopped being close friends pretty soon afterwards. all my "lovestories" are embarassing actually, but this one is also the one I am most ashamed of. and then there were many situations in life when I was attracted to multiple people at the same time and ugh, I don't know, I kind of hate it, honestly. cheating is not okay. it is okay if everybody is okay with the polyamorous relationship though, but I never got to do it. so, yeah Ham's a dick but so am I

and on that depressing note I wanna wrap it up because I sorta killed the mood with that story. i think that's called oversharing?

if you actually read it to this point - wtf, you have nothing better to do or what?

I am not even gonna tag it so people don't have to scroll over that shit while searching for good content really I just like writing

the whole time I've been writing this my cat just kept staring at me. unblinkingly. I can feel her JUDGING ME

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eltanin-malfoy · 4 years

Text

Epilogue (Kill Or Be Killed VI)

pairing : draco/fem-collegestudent!y/n

word count : 3.8k!

Table Of Contents

warnings : my sad sense of humour, cursing, a bit of a plot twist

a/n : okay i know IM SORRY I HAVEN”T POSTED IN SO LONG I HAVE NO EXCUSES. i have a bunch of fics fully written which i feel super insecure abt. (even a spicy drarry one) at this point i’ve kind of gotten into this circle of being overly critical of what i write and overanalyzing every detail to the point i can’t really tell if what i wrote has any worth. nevertheless i’ve been putting this off way too long so i’m finally gonna post this! and i hope that y’all like it. this is def gonna be different than what you may have been expecting but i implore you to read all of it!! up till my author’s note at the bottom.

taglist: @acciodracoo @drawlfoy @war-sword @lilyreachelcassidy @socontagiousimagines @andreasworlsboring101

What does one do when they’re on the run, you ask?

Well, Draco doesn’t really know either. It’s pretty obvious. In fact, he isn’t even sure whether you’d call wanting to hide from someone you almost murdered who now wants to kill you “being on the run”. He thinks it’s somewhere between hiding and just.. being a right coward.

He runs a few blocks, takes a shortcut to his house, packs up his belongings and wipes any clear identifiers of him off the place. Driving licenses, passports, just anything. Even those little clear strands of hair he’d usually just ignore. Then he covers his hair up with one of those ridiculous beanies, slips on a turtleneck sweater and covers his mouth with it. (He would have covered his nose up as well if it hadn’t been for his.. giraffe-like neck)

It doesn’t take him very long to start to venture out of his house, scoping the vicinity for any prying (Y/N) eyes. He’s alone in the alleyway, except for a homeless man sitting at the edge of the road. Covering himself with a blanket. He seems to be asleep until, well, Draco very gracefully stumbles against some cracked up bitumen. The man sits up, stirring slowly. His eyes blink rapidly as he comes to, the sun shining down bright just at the spot he’s decided to rest at. His eyes are a brilliant blue and they almost glitter in the sunlight. He meets his gaze, just for a second. There’s something so nostalgic about it. Something so familiar, yet so very strange.

Nonetheless, Draco is still very much supposed to be getting out of there. So, he turns to the side, and starts to.. jog. Running would be abnormal at this time of day after all.

He jogs and jogs and jogs. His skinny, dainty looking legs are strangely useful for this task. He gets to a tube station just far enough from his place to avoid suspicion. Then, he does what anyone would do, and heads into the public restroom for a nice, long (and mostly silent) cry. He rushes into a cubicle, locks it behind him and then turns to face the door, covering his face. He weeps and weeps and weeps.

He was in love with her, wasn’t he! He was so stupid! How couldn’t he have known! How could he have idolized someone and somehow have completely missed out the fact that the man had had kids! Should he have just left her like that? All alone in her apartment after she’d been crying about him? Well.. it was true that she was planning on killing him. But oh dear god, she’d definitely been near changing at that final moment… oh dear god, what was he going to do? Where was he going to go?

He thinks he sniffles too loud at one point and an oddly gruff voice in the cubicle to his right just goes “That shit not going too well, son?”, and then he laughs. Ugh.

Draco waits until he’s pretty sure that that man is gone and then he steps out, heading straight for the washbasins at the front. He’s wiped his face with toilet paper enough that he hopes it isn’t too obvious to anyone outside. A man, somehow even lankier than him, is standing at the washbasin beside his, rubbing at his hands so hard with soap you’d think there was something stuck to it. His hair.. isn’t looking too good. Neither is his face. The man notices him step to the front and seems practically captivated by him, keeps staring at him for 10 seconds straight, until he finally says, “You know you’re not allowed to do crack in here, right?”

Draco then blushes a fierce pink.

***

Draco’s quick after that, topping up his Oyster card and calling his broadband provider to cancel his wifi subscription. He even gets his number changed while he’s on the train. There’s more people there than he’s used to, but he looks ridiculous enough in his get up that most people sit as far away from him as they can. He’s thankful Y/N hasn’t found him yet though. Although, as he’s thought about it now, she probably wouldn’t follow him. At least not too far.

Then he changes lines a bunch of times and rides the train all the way to Heathrow Airport. Aha! Do you think he’s about to take a flight out of the country? Because he isn’t! Instead, he calls up Blaise and almost cries about needing help.

“It’s an emergency, mate, I swear!”

“Oh my god, Malfoy.”

“Please, Blaise, for old time’s sake. I’m not too far from your house too. I’m at Heathrow. It’d take you five minutes…”

“Are you kidding me? I’ve just woken up, and this is what you’re calling me for? After months of not speaking?”

“I texted you but you never responded, mate. Come on… please? I thought we’d be buds forever.”

Blaise scoffs.

“Fine, blondie. I’ll be there in half an hour. Be at the pick up place when I get there, or I’m leaving. And you really fucking owe me, you know that.”

Draco sighs. “I know… thank you so much.”

“Yeah, bye.”

It isn’t long before Blaise shows up right where he said he would. And Draco is right there! His turtleneck pulled down now. He runs forward as Blaise steps out of his car and throws his arms around his abdomen.

“Oh, god, bruv.” Blaise pushes him back gently. “I was only coming out because I thought you’d have luggage or some shit. Were you travelling light for once?”

“I… I wasn’t here to catch a flight. Or get off one”

“So.. you were going to drop someone off?”

“No…”

“Oh god, you came here just to get me here, didn’t you? Jesus fuck-” He turns around, assumingly getting ready to leave.

“Bini, please.” He puts a hand on the top of his beanie.

“I should literally just run you over for that one.” His face knits up slightly and he pauses, before soon beginning to smile. “Okay, I guess. I’ll drop you where you want me to..”

“I.. I kind of don’t have a place to be dropped off at.”

“You don’t? Where you planning on going then?”

“I was… kind of hoping…”

“Draco… always a needy little fuck, aren’t you?” He brings a hand to his temple, pressing his fingertips to it.

“Please, Blaise.. I let you stay over all those times as well.. all those times at my manor when we were kids… ”

“Christ, you don’t stop with the sentimental stuff, do you? Why do you have to know all of my weaknesses… okay. But only because Mum’s out of the country at the moment. If she knew you were staying over.. she would have gotten real mad.”

Draco doesn’t really say anything after that. He supposes Esme has somewhat of a reason to not want Draco around. What his Father had done wasn’t exactly... good for the reputations of those associated with him or his bloodline. But it was definitely nice of Blaise to offer him a place like this.

“Thank you.”

Blaise looks over at him at that.

“Did roughing it up on your own teach you how to be nice, Draco?”

“Maybe it did.”

***

So, yes, Draco does stay at Blaise’s place for a while. He does come clean to Blaise about everything that happened (“You… tried to what a girl, mate?”, followed by Blaise running out of the room and attempting to hide from Draco, while Draco running after him, trying to apologise and explain himself) And yes, he does agree to go to a therapist. A nice, motherly one who allows him to cry in front of him with little interruption. (Just a little “D’you want some tissues, love?”) And yes, he does spend a lot of time thinking about Y/N. He cries and listens to Harry Styles and Frank Ocean some. (Even though he hasn’t actually had his heart broken or anything of the sort! Draco is one hell of a dramatic little bitch, huh?)

What he does begin to understand is his own constant self-victimization. He’s always found a way to find someone to blame for every little trouble in his life. His parents were why he was so bitchy and spoilt all the time, Potter was why he wasn’t as popular as he deserved to be at school, Granger was why he wasn’t the best student at school, his mum was why he wasn’t so open to having a girlfriend much too different from him and… well.. this was all bullshit, wasn’t it?

He was being childish. He was so bitchy and spoilt, well, because he thought he was better than everyone else. He did for so long, all the time. He could only play it down when he needed to, but if he really didn’t like anyone he made it very clear that he thought they were inferior to him. He wasn’t popular at school because he treated everyone like he was better than them and Potter was just… nicer and understandably more famous than him (Draco still hates him though). He wasn’t the best student at school because Granger.. was simply more hardworking than he was. (Hey, he had to accept it at some point, didn’t he?) He wasn’t anywhere near how damn good she was… at everything.

And he wasn’t so open to having a girlfriend much too different from him because… he was too used to everything being the way it had always been for him. He had grown up in the same house, stayed in a similar friend circle his whole life, always had the same taste of.. basically everything. That’s why he was so goddamn angry when everything just blew up for his family. Everything he was used to… was gone. He was no longer rich, no longer privileged the way he had always been. And again, he reacted by… well… channeling all his anger towards the person who had seemingly been responsible for that. He didn’t need to be as angry as he had been at his father. Sure, he was smuggling artifacts and even keeping some illegal works as decoration for their estate, but it’s not like Draco hadn’t known about it for as long as he had. He’d even been an adult when he… enabled everything that he knew happened behind closed doors.

But his father did do everything he did for him. He did thinking he would best be able to provide for Draco and his mum that way. It was true that he was never much too generous, but he wasn’t only because he wanted to invest the money towards his own family’s wellbeing. He supposed he could understand that. And his parents were always, always mindful of his wants. Whether it was buying every boy on his secondary school house’s team a new cricket bat so he could get on with them, to what he wanted to study at uni, his parents always had his back.

Obviously, their “work” hadn’t exactly been safe and Draco wasn’t properly insured to be able to keep up his lifestyle without them or their accounts, so that had been irresponsible on their part. But his childhood could not be considered less than good. At all. He was only ever upset because of problems he kept making up himself. And because of him distancing himself from others by thinking he was too good to mix with them.

This whole change in lifestyle had done more harm than good in terms of his personality, in a way. He’d grown a conscience. It had started by him getting angry at everyone in the place of privilege he’d once had. First, he’d gotten mad at his father for getting him where he was, then he’d hated his friends from pulling back from him, and then… well.. he’d begun to hate Y/N for being able to study and afford nice things for herself.

His stupid fixation on Hoyt was him looking up to someone he really, really shouldn’t have. Instead of looking up to actual great chemists like Lavoisier or Avogadro, he’d idolized... someone who’d used his knowledge of chemistry for all the wrong reasons. Again, him trying to get back at people who’d stayed rich while he’d lost all his wealth. Instead of working to be more successful than them or anything of the sort, he’d gone straight to the extreme and tried to think about how best to kill one he’d grown envious of.

The interesting thing is, he doesn’t come close to seeing (or even thinking about) Y/N for a while. He lives harmoniously. He writes to Oxford and tries to get back into his second year. He writes to his college there and even applies for a need-based scholarship.

What’s surprising is, he gets it! He gets back in! His grades back then were reason enough for him to be readmitted into the program, and he just feels thankful for a second that Granger was never interested in taking up Chemistry at uni. He gets himself a job near Blaise’s place, rents another apartment, has a birthday party for Blaise there and meets up with his old friends again. They’ve all grown apart a bit now (understandably so, he was sort of.. the one who bossed everyone to be together most of the time). He even grows closer to them than he ever has before. Actually feels like they’re his friends.. rather than his minions.

It’s springtime and there’s still a lot of time until he has to get back to Oxford that fall. Somehow, even with his parents still in custody, everything seems to have somehow fallen back in place. Even better than before. Everything seems… peaceful.

That is, until he runs into Y/N at his therapist’s office! (Yes, you read that right! :)

He’s only sitting in the waiting room, reading something silly on his phone when he hears… that voice. Stepping out of the therapist’s office.

“Thank you so much, again.”

The woman inside mutters something inaudible in response and Y/N giggles softly. Oh, dear god.

He looks straight up at her, slowly pressing his phone into his lap. Oh no, oh no? Should he be here right now? Should he have told Molly Y/N’s name when he was explaining everything? Has Y/N told her about him? Has she connected the dots at all? Has Y/N followed him here? If Y/N actually has no idea he’s here, how on earth is she going to respond to the sight of him? Should he hide, for her sake? Would Y/N think he was stalking her again? Would Y/N think he was doing the same thing now and have some sort of attack in the office? He quickly looks to his lap again, trying his best to somehow hide away from her. Even though he was alone in the waiting room… and he was quite a bit taller than the seat he was sitting in.. and his blonde hair wasn’t exactly subtle. Maybe he really should have dyed it darker, that time he was considering it, maybe he was right about that. Maybe it’d even su-

“Draco?”

Oh, fuck.

He looks up at her, meeting her gaze a little slowly, eyes scoping out every plant pot in the back before they finally… reach.. their.. target. His ears are burning now, and it’s so quiet there that he can hear the blood rushing through them. Neither of them says a word, until, well, she does.

“Either this is everything all over gone or this one mother of a coincidence.”

She grips her purse a little tighter but she smiles at him brightly. Draco… then… smiles back. He should be careful, shouldn’t he? She’s lured him in once like this. And there’s no reason for her to be so nice to him. Not… after everything. She should hate him. She really should. Is she on something? Does she take meds? Or is she nicer when she doesn’t think worse of you? But shouldn’t she be thinking worse of him? If anyone should be doing that, it should be h-

“Hello?” She’s waving her hand in front of his face. Her nails aren’t manicured as they were before. “Why do you keep spacing out? Should I call her or something?”

“N-no. I’m just- I wasn’t expecting this today… not exactly… prepared. I- I guess I never really got to say it to you then.. I’m sorry. For everything… I-”

“Draco, maybe this isn’t the best place to… you know… just openly talk about this.” She gestures towards the receptionist in the corner, who looks up for a second, then, noticing the gesture, quickly looks down again. “Why don’t I.. um.. I’ll wait for you outside, yeah?”

“Y-you will?”

“I- well, yes. I don’t see why not. Not really in a rush to get anywhere right now. I have some chores to do round here. Why don’t I meet you at the cafe round the corner after your appointment? It’s an hour long, right? The one facing the Waitrose?”

“Yeah, um.. you’re not scared or.. anything like that? I totally understand if you are.”

“No.. I mean.. we know whom between us is that much better at self defense anyways. And I suppose it’d be best for me to take it in my stride after everything.”

“If you- if you really think so, I’m down for it.”

“See ya then. Good luck.”

And with that, she heads out. She’s wearing a light pair of jeans this time. With a full sleeved green top. The jeans are tight. In the best way possible.

He shakes his head and gets himself out of it. What the fuck is wrong with him? He is not seventeen anymore. He needs to get back to himself. He can’t just get hormonal at the sight of a pretty girl.

He rushes into his therapist’s office, and very soon, begins to pour his heart out to her. He tells her explicitly what happened with Y/N herself. And Molly, oh dear me, is a little overwhelmed. She’s just as lovely, though.

“Oh my. You’ve gotten yourself into something, haven’t you?”

“Yes.”

“I suppose-, well, what do you feel you should do about this?”

“What do you mean? What do you think? I’m confused!”

“I- you have to decide what to do, don’t you? I’m here to listen, clear your head about it and let’s help you make a judgement.”

“Molly!”

“Draco! Now, go on.”

***

Somehow, within that space of an hour, Draco does come to a decision.

The decision to risk it all and try to go out with her again!

He does stay much safer this time around, though. He sends people he’s close to his location. And tells them what to do if he doesn’t wish them goodnight that night. (“just call the police”)

He sits down with her at the cafe and he pours his heart out to her as well. God knew this morning would involve him literally having to do this with two grown woman! Well, at least the one of them was expected. The other… however… also seems to empathise with him as well. To some extent.

“I… well… I suppose I can’t exactly forgive you for just deciding upon killing me the way that you did. That’s mighty fucked up. But… I see the position that you were in.”

“I- yeah.” Draco just shrugs, offering a sort of tightlipped smile. “I get it.”

“It’s amazing to finally be able to wrap my head around it somewhat, though. For so long, I thought you were still lying to me about… the… my father thing. But now I can.. somewhat grasp it. I suppose.”

“It was extremely messed up.”

“It was. But it’s not like I didn’t-”

“I mean, that seemed more like self-defense to me than anything. Yours made a lot more sense than mine.”

“Oh, that’s for sure. I’ve… kind of always been super paranoid about anything to do with… him. My mother always tells me to be careful so I kind of… took it much too far. That’s sort of why I started going for therapy. I would get such bad anxiety from the simplest of things. I’d taken a long self defense course last year, even though my mom's already had me doing Tae Kwondo since I was in primary school. And you saw what I did with you. I had knives, pepper sprays, everything and anything I would need. I’d set up an alarm system in my apartment and always spoke to someone when I went to sleep and when I woke up. I was just… constantly on edge. And you kind of just… tipped me over it, you know.”

“I know, and I’m so sorry about it. Still. I have no excuses.”

“I appreciate you saying that.”

She smiles at Draco. And he does the same. Something flutters up and down his stomach.

“I’m so glad we could talk this through, yeah? But I should get going. I do have to study and everything.”

“I-” Should Draco give up on this chance. Is this worth it? Could she ever even say yes? Perhaps she would. “Should we trade numbers? Just so we can keep in touch about it.”

“I’m-” She sighs and looks down at her lap, then up at him again. She sets her elbow on the table and leans forward the slightest, setting her chin on her palm. “I’m really sorry… but with the way things went last time… and with my recovering mental health, I just- I wouldn’t feel comfortable with it. I’m so so glad we could go over everything and come to some mutual understanding but… I don’t think I could-”

“Oh, you don’t have to worry. It’s all good. I totally get it.”

To his surprise, his heart didn’t sink. She reaches over and gently squeezes his forearm.

“Maybe we’ll meet again, huh?”

“Maybe we will.”

And Draco walked out of there, not unhappy, but finally feeling like he’d received some closure. He’d erred greatly and he really did deserve what he’d gotten (or not gotten). He’d really tried to get over her already, so it really didn’t sting when she said what she did.

For once, he knew what to expect. And he felt happy about it. Maybe he didn’t get to do bits with her, but that hardly mattered. At least now she knew the truth about him.

What mattered most was that the next chapter of his life was only leading him forwards.

a/n: thank you so so sos os so sososososososooooo much for reading through this series. this is very close to my heart and i appreciate each and everyone who’s managed to keep up with all of it. This final part i also chose to end without really bringing the characters together because… Y/N does not deserve it. for her, that would be the bad ending. i did this because i just think that girls often do not realise that they deserve more than the attractive guy who tries to be bad. this sounds hypocritical coming from well… me… someone who runs a draco blog, but what i’m trying to say is, we shouldn’t settle. a lot of times i feel like we forget to place ourselves in the shoes of the actual character. for what reason would you ever go out or sleep with someone who had ever planned to kill you! their good looks just won’t cut it if so, no? i feel like this is the best ending for the both of them, because draco learns to actualise his potential and to stop blaming everyone else in his life for all his problems, and y/n learns to heal from the struggles she’s had and both their endings are left pretty open. also, i feel like a lot of fanfic endings/plot developments are compromised just to get the main pairing together in the end. so. yeah. also mental health is something i really prioritise, and i thought doing this just does so much justice for both of them mentally. i’d be happy to hear your thoughts and any feedback you have! thank you so much for reading through you all of this as well. love you so much <3

#draco x reader #draco malfoy #draco malfoy x reader #draco #hp #draco imagine #draco malfoy imagine #hp imagine #angst #romance #murder

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neocityarchive · 5 years

Text

dear dream (ldh) | part 1

word count: 2.8k

warnings: language

chapter summary: Horrible as it may sound, but it seemed as if you were starting to forget what it was like to love him.

a/n: so there’s a lot of narration in the beginning but pls be patient :> ajdaskl also please let me know what you think. thank u, love u.

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You were starting to forget. It’s been eight months after Donghyuck left for training and you were starting to forget everything.

You were starting to forget how his voice sounded on the phone at night, tired and hoarse after a long day but still managing to say sweet things subtly hidden under his teases and cheeky remarks. You were starting to forget how his lips felt on yours, on your cheeks, on your temples, at the top of you head… on your neck. You were starting to forget how his slim fingers fit in the spaces between yours and how his thumb rubs against the back of your hand out of habit. Horrible as it may sound, but it seemed as if you were starting to forget what it was like to love him.

It’s ironic, though. It seemed too soon considering how you were like the first few weeks. Even when he left, he was everywhere. The two of you didn’t break up, with the promise of seeing each other again, the promise of him coming back to you. But it still felt like that… maybe worse. He was gone but you could see him in every store you used to drag him to. You could hear him in every song, even the shitty ones with repetitive riffs and lyrics. He loves random dancing to those. Almost every night, he would appear in your dreams, either as flashbacks or as random scenes.

That is until it started to fade. Your mind that was once filled with Donghyuck has slowly been filled with a lot of something elses.

Things changed faster than you expected them to. You were still on the same job at the bookstore with Taeil who has been promoted to manager. But you went to college where you met a senior who also happened to be your upstairs neighbor. His name is Doyoung. You endorsed him to a job at the bookstore and now you’re colleagues. Both he and Taeil are the closest friends you have at the moment.

Your parents were now retired after securing your future. They sold the house, moved to a smaller place in Busan, and started a barbecue business there. You found a nice starter apartment and started drafting your book once again, but getting nowhere.

And in all those changes, the one person who you’ve always imagined would walk every step of the way with you weren't there.

“I’ll be back before you know it,” he said that day. You never understood that statement. It didn’t really make sense no matter how much you thought about it, but it’s the one thing that repetitively plays on your mind. For some reason, it always gave you hope and a weird longing for tomorrow. But as days passed, you realized it really wasn’t enough.

Three months after Hyuck left and the dreams became lesser. You have already opened nine out of twelve of his letters, most of it was because you just wanted to experience his thoughts again. You miss him, but the new environment made it easier to get him off your mind every once in a while.

Six months, the dreams were rare. You missed him more than ever. There was one night when you were alone in your apartment, feeling shitty because you’re not making any progress on a report that was due the next day. You knew if he was there, he’d motivate you to work harder. You knew if he was there, it would all be different. But he wasn’t. So you opened the last letter.

“Read… when you’re mad or upset that I’m not there,” you read out loud. “As if this is going to change anything.”

It didn’t. He still wasn’t there. You drafted a reply, just wanting to let it out of your system. After reading what you wrote, you hated yourself for it. You crumpled the paper and threw it in your drawer, not having the heart to toss it into the garbage itself.

And by the eighth month… the dreams were reduced to none. You almost didn’t notice it, until one night your neighbor was watching the TV too loud. You knew it was his voice that was singing even through the thin walls. You’d recognize it anywhere. You realized you haven’t thought about your boyfriend much lately. It has gotten to the point where you begin to wonder whether it is still right to call him your boyfriend anymore.

You cried that night, feeling guilty. The aching in your chest forced you to open that letter again, the one you’ve read the most: read… when you miss me.

Your eyes scanned the words but you’ve already memorized it by heart.

“I’ll be back before you know it,” you read, muttering to yourself, and before you could stop your tongue, you said, “Bullshit.”

You scribbled on a notepad on your desk: It’s been 8 months since the last time… I’m getting tired. Are we still… us?

Seeing as you thought you’ve forgotten, you were surprised to dream about him again for the first time in a while. It was about the day he told you he was leaving. You still remember the barrage of emotions you felt right then. Those same emotions mirrored themselves in your chest that night, leading to tearstained pillow cases.

“Just… don’t forget about me while you’re there.” You choked down a sob. “Promise me.”

“I promise. I’ll be back before you know it.”

You tossed and turned in your sheets. Bzzt, bzzt, bzzt!

You groaned, your hands desperately looking for your phone somewhere on your bed to turn off the goddamn alarm.

You sighed to yourself, frowning at the sensation of the wet pillow on your cheek. “Fuck my life. It’s too early to be sad.”

You forced your eyes open to check for any notifs on your phone. It was just a bunch of emails from your professors and a few texts from your mom. But at the bottom of the list, received at 2:01 AM today… followed by 9 other tabs.

You blinked and then pinched yourself, trying to see if you were still dreaming. But you weren’t. It’s really there. With a deep breath and a fluttering heart, you tapped on the notification, watching it expand.

hyuckie: y/n!!!

hyuckie: i cant believe im saying this but..

hyuckie: i hope your habits are as bad as i remember :(

hyuckie: please be awake?

hyuckie: i really wanna talk to you, i miss you so much!! ㅠㅠㅠㅠ

hyuckie: but i guess you’re asleep now

hyuckie: which is good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hyuckie: so i’ll talk to you in the morning?

hyuckie: goodnight :>>

You sat up, reading and re-reading the texts. It didn’t seem real. Was it...? Is this some kind of joke fate was playing on you? After almost a month of barely thinking about him, Donghyuck once again let his existence known.

You gulped, the guilt almost eating you inside as your fingers found their way to your keypad.

You: hyuck…?

You: is this real???? are you back??

You waited five minutes. There was no reply. The small hope that bubbled in your chest when you saw his texts dissipated almost immediately. Maybe you just didn’t want to be fooled that easily or maybe you were getting tired of holding onto something that hasn’t really been sitting fully within your reach for so long.

Still, throughout the day, you checked your phone more than you usually do. Even while crossing the pedestrian. Even when you were in a lecture. Even while walking in the hallway. Even when you were manning the cashier at work. You checked your phone too much that it annoyed those who were watching.

“Y/N, stop it. You’re being stupid,” Doyoung said after he returned from a round of stacking books. He has a habit of saying things straight to people’s faces. Usually, it’s a good thing, but it’s also very annoying.

You looked up, consciously putting your phone back in your pocket with a sigh.

“He’s still probably busy. I’m sure he just had, like, a night off and decided to text you.” He shrugged. “His agency don’t really give their artists breaks that much, especially since he just debuted.”

Doyoung sometimes works in the same agency as Hyuck. He’s always getting hired by people here and there to sing demos or background vocals. Even when you’ve only really heard him sing under his breath, it’s not hard for you to say he’s talented. Also, he gives you scoop on what’s happening inside Hyuck’s agency. They’ve met a lot. But as a favor, you made Doyoung promise not to tell Hyuck that you know each other.

Maybe it sounds wrong, but you weren’t really spying on your boyfriend. Besides, Doyoung is almost useless when it comes to updating you about Hyuck. All he ever tells you are his schedules, but that’s not what you wanted to know. Whenever you talk about him, it always goes something like

“How’s he doing?”

“He seemed okay.”

“Does he talk about me sometimes?”

“No, but we didn’t really talk much. He and his friends scare me.”

You ran a hand through your hair in frustration. Your mind was a mess. You don’t know what to feel about Hyuck finally reaching out to you, and for some reason, you wanted to explain what made him do it even if the explanation sounded ridiculous.

“He decided to text me at 2 in the morning, after eight months of nothing,” you said, glaring at him. “It doesn’t make sense. Somebody probably just played a prank on him.”

“By texting you?” Doyoung snorted.

You shrugged. “Why not?”

“That’s what won’t make sense,” he muttered.

“Nothing makes sense.” You sighed.

“And yet you check your phone every two minutes just in case he replied.” He shook his head. “Again, you’re being stupid.”

You were just thinking of a retort when a customer came up to the counter and asked if you had anything available on astrology. Doyoung only smiled at her politely but offered no answer.

“Yes, ma’am. You’ll find them on the last aisle.” You smiled at the lady. When she was gone, you turned back to your friend who was busy scanning some magazine he picked up. “I’m not being stupid.”

Doyoung snorted. “First of all, lame comeback. Second, yes, you are. You’re going back and forth between ‘oh I miss my boyfriend’ and ‘I don’t even know if I care anymore.’ And you’ve been going at it for months, Y/N! Make up your mind. You have to realize this whole situation is unfair to you. Third, you worry too much. Has he even seen your text yet?”

You frowned. You hate it when Doyoung is right, which is most of the time. It’s unfair that he’s always the one who makes sense. It’s worse because he tells you things you don’t want to hear but definitely should. You almost wish Taeil was here. Doyoung seems to be more reserved around him, though you’re not really sure why.

“He hasn’t,” you replied weakly. “But just to be sure…” You whipped your phone out again.

Doyoung groaned loudly, throwing his hands in the air in frustration. “And here we have an idiot,” he grumbled. “God, Y/N. Give yourself a break.”

You just rolled your eyes, continuing to navigate your phone until you’ve reached your message thread with Hyuck. Your eyes almost popped out of their sockets.

Read 8:41 PM

“He’s seen it,” you muttered, mostly to yourself. But Doyoung heard it, too. Even he couldn’t hide his surprise.

“He has?” He leaned over to look. “Why isn’t he replying then? It’s been a minute.”

“Baby steps. Doyoungie,” you said kindly.

“Oh, so now you're back to being a hopeless romantic?” He sighed. “God, you’re gonna’ give me whiplash. Whatever. Just tidy up the counter. We have to close soon.”

You nodded.

Doyoung went to walk around the store again leaving you alone by yourself. You left your phone unlocked, the screen still displaying Hyuck’s messages as you moved around and did your routine of fixing the counter and the displays in front of it.

You’ve arranged everything and checked the store’s valuables twice, yet there were still no changes on your phone except your battery has gone down 2%.

“He really left me on read,” you muttered to yourself. “Unbelievable.”

With a sigh, you locked your phone, giving up. Maybe Doyoung was right (again). Hyuck probably just finally had a night to himself and decided to talk to you, but you couldn’t reply. Fuck timing. It always ruins everything.

The lady from earlier came to you once again to purchase an astrology book. She smiled and said thanks after you handed the book back in a paper bag. You returned her smile, but inside you were questioning why people even believe in stars. You shrugged. Who am I to talk though? Why do I even believe in a relationship that doesn’t feel like one anymore? you thought to yourself.

As if the universe was determined to prove you wrong, your phone started ringing, vibrating against the wooden surface of the counter. When your eyes landed on the caller ID, you felt your heart drop to your stomach.

“hyuckie”

It took you a moment to react. Before you started dating, Donghyuck changed the setting of his ringtone on your phone to Stay With Me by Chanyeol & Punch. He did it as a joke to tease you, but after getting used to it, you didn’t bother to change it. You regret that decision now. The song played as if you were in some sort of romantic drama, awaiting for the male lead. It seems ridiculous to imagine, but it was enough to build the tension.

You answered the call before the vocals came in.

“...hello?” you said, your voice smaller than usual.

“Y/N?” Hyuck’s voice came through the speakers. You felt your heart clench just by the sound of it. “Hi.”

“Hyuck?” you asked, feeling stupid right after. There was no doubt it was him. But it felt surreal that he’s calling you right now that you just had to make sure.

“Who else, silly?” He laughed. “How’s my baby?”

Your face scrunched as you suppressed a scream. Why am I being like this? It’s just Hyuck, you thought to yourself, trying to calm down. But it’s Hyuck!!! You wanted to cry but you were still in public. A customer might come in at the last minute and see you bawling your eyes out. Even the thought of it makes you want to punch yourself.

“Wait, is it really you?!” You could barely hide the emotions in your voice. It was too much, a heavy mixture of excitement and nostalgia and happiness and for a reason… also sadness.

“Yes, idiot. Where are you?” He sounded a bit breathless. His voice mixed with the faint sound of traffic in the background. He was out, alright, but is he on a break? How long is this phone call going to last?

You looked around, suddenly confused, mind hazy. “I’m… where am I… um, I’m at work. Why? Where are you?”

“You’re still at work? But it’s 9,” he said.

“Yeah, we’re closing soon. Where are you? Are you on a break? Why are you calling now?” You wanted to ask so many questions but they’re all getting jammed in your mind at the moment. It doesn’t even matter since Hyuck isn’t answering any of them.

“Close it now,” he said.

“What?”

“Close the store now.”

“Why? My friend is still arranging the shelves.” You looked around for Doyoung.

“Tell your friend you have to go home,” he said before letting out a breath.

“What? But the keys are with me. Taeil would be mad if it gets lost,” you reasoned. “What are you even—”

“Just tell your friend something important came up.”

“There’s literally nothing going on in my life right now. What important thing would ‘come up?’” You snorted. “Just—”

You heard the bell hanging above the door ring, making you jump on your feet. “Shit. I have to go. We have a customer. I’ll call you, please pick up later. Imissyou,Iloveyou,byebye,” you said as fast as you could, crouching down lower with every word, hoping to hide from the eyes of whoever just came in.

You ended the call, putting the phone back in your pocket, before standing up straight, ready to greet the guest.

“Hi, how may I help…”

“Hi.” The guy smiled, chest heaving slightly, trying to catch his breath.

He was wearing a black jacket over a plain white shirt that was tucked in his jeans. The look was so simple, yet he still looked amazing. Better than your remember. Better than he appears on TV. Something about him was different, you could feel it. He looked different. He was taller and his cheeks were somehow smaller than you remembered. His hair was a different shade of brown than when you last saw. He was still slightly slouched but something about his stance is more powerful. He held himself with more pride now. And rightfully so. But underneath all of those, you could still feel it. That familiarity. That sense of security that no matter how many things have changed, he still is the same Lee Donghyuck. And somehow, despite your doubts and overthinking, you just knew he still is your Lee Donghyuck.

“Hyuck,” you said, voice faltering. You didn’t think it was this easy to have tears pooling in your eyes, but it was. Fuck, you thought. “Hi.”

He let out a chuckle upon seeing your reaction. “To answer your question, I’m your important thing that came up.”

#UM YEAH #it’s just the beginning ksjdjdj ofc #hi again #nct au series #nct au #nct haechan au #nct donghyuck imagines #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct soft hours #nct sad hours #dear dream au series #dear dream #nct dream au #nct 127 au #nct timestamps #haechan imagines #haechan x reader #haechan au

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theropoda · 4 years

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3, 4, 6-8, 11, 13-17, 19-22, 26-30 uwu

WOO LAD THAT’S A LOT THANK U!!! this got long and i wrote an essay or two LOL so im putting it under a readmore!

3: Best game you’ve ever played? WEEEELLLL.......let me preface this with two things: one, i am a FAKE GAMER as in my laptop is not at all made for gaming, it’s piss poor, so a big chunk of games i’m interested in is because i watched a playthrough of them lol. i have a 3ds but only 3 games on it (animal crossing new leaf, tomodachi life, nintedogs & cats). second, i’m very bad at choosing favorites of things.....BUUUUT .....i choooooose, in no particular order, OFF, pigeonetics, elder scrolls oblivion, pathologic classic HD!! i’m more than likely forgetting a few though, so sorry about that

4: Worst game you’ve ever played? as i said above, cannot choose favorites, neither can i choose whatever the opposite of favorites is but...uhh, does lif even count as a game? like lif, the stupid little furry flash game i remember playing on some shady website. it was surprisingly very active with a BUNCH of people there but i kept dying like every 5 seconds....AWFUL

6: A game that’s changed you the most? WELL define Changed.....ummm aha first thing that comes to mind is OFF. it’s one of those things where you never knew you wanted something so fucking bad until you saw it--and it’s like that for me. i NEVER knew i loved that odd, surreal, colorful, “looks playful and simple in some parts but incredibly violent and unnerving in other parts” aesthetic til i played it. like aesthetically i love that game to BITS and something about it just stuck with me til the end of time.

later in life (meaning, past year or so) it changed me because it taught me a lesson about storytelling and creative endeavors. a very useful lesson. which is: things don’t really need to have a meaning. stories, art, music, writing, whatnot, while it CAN be deep and meaningful, while you CAN use it as a way to communicate with the world about all kinds of heartfelt things, it can also be...nothing, really.

once i, as usual, got ridiculously overwhelmingly sad about small things. specifically seeing other people around me come up with all kinds of deep and meaningful characters and stories, sometimes putting them into webcomics or writings of theirs, and they were all so well-thought out and detailed and what i envied most was people put a lot of themselves and their experiences into them, venting and coping through them, whilst also making these larger-than-life grandiose complex stories and worlds and so on and so forth.

it made me look at my own ideas and get mad/frustrated at how shallow they were. but then i remembered OFF and i felt better because Fun Fact, mortis ghost has a now-abandoned dA account and if you go through the comment section on his profile, he answers a lot of fan questions and he mentions several times that the game didn’t really have a “meaning”, it didn’t really have a “deeper story” or moral or anything, really. i’m paraphrasing this but i vividly remember him saying “i wanted to make a game, so i did”.

that made me feel a lot better because it made me realise that sometimes art--especially stories, in my case-- doesn’t NEED to be DEEP or have MEANING...sometimes it can just BE!!!! sometimes it really can just be all about AESTHETICS like who GIVES a shit if there’s a hidden meaning if you take the first letter of all of your characters’ names and put them backwards, sometimes all that matters is if they just VIBE with you y’know....

yume nikki is similar in this regard bc that game doesn’t have any story other than “collect egg” and yet it’s so impactful. that game doesn’t have a story or meaning it just IS........ :) GOD THATS SO LONG IM SORRY ABOUT THAT but yeah. funny violent ghostbusting baseball man is a game that changed me :)

7: A game you’ll never forget? OFF AGAIN LOL,,, it’s just so memorable because of how unique it is. visuals, soundtrack, story, everything is so memorable. unforgettable. oh god you can tell how much i love this damn game can’t you

8: Best soundtrack? yakuza 0, OFF, there is a picture (another game by mortis ghost, again composed by alias conrad coldwood who also composed OFF), pigeonetics (the entire soundtrack of which is here), jojo’s bizarre adventure all star battle and eyes of heaven, silent hill 2 & 3, undertale....probably forgetting more but all of these...earcandy

11: Hardest game you’ve played? i am a shitty gamer so this is Most games i’ve played lol!! but uhh..well you see. hardest game i remember playing as of recent is pathologic classic hd in which it’s...not only hard to understand what any character is saying at any given time lol but also, i don’t think it’s HARD it’s just...you need to focus. you REALLY need to fucking focus and pay attention in this game. so i wouldn’t say its HARD, but i’m only putting this here bc it’s in recent memory.

i say recent memory because the true answer is susceptible to “yeah, but now you’re older, it must not be so hard.” as in if i played it now i think i’d have a way easier time. but when i was around....10-12 years old i had several ps3 video game adaptations of animated movies and i had SUCH a fucking hard time with them. g-force, bolt and up in particular were fucking HARD. like genuinely, the hardest time i had EVER had in my live playing video games is tied to these three fucking games. g-force and bolt ESPECIALLY. one particular level in bolt took both me AND my sister around a year to fucking finish.

again, i was baby, so i bet i’d have a much easier time with them now that i’m 17. but for now, in my experience, bolt and g-force for the ps3 were harder than pathologic classic. i think icepick lodge should take a few notes for them for pathologic 2.

13: A game you were the most excited for when it wasn’t released yet? STREETS OF KAMUROCHO...i spent the entire day of its release anticipating its launch lol

14: A game you think would be cool if it had voice acting? hmm..most games i like and know about do have voice acting so i dunno....i guess it would’ve been kind of cool if morrowind had like, full proper voice acting. but i can understand why it only voice acted things like greetings and battle insults because GOD that game is SO...complicated...and as a result, the conversations are so lengthy and text-full. playing morrowind is really like a goddamn book! if it was voice acted i’m sure all that information would have to be shortened bc i know no one is going to fucking voice act two whole paragraphs

15: Which two games do you think would make an awesome crossover? pigeonetics and yakuza in which instead of being about the criminal underworld it’s about shady and unethical pigeon clubs, breeding, racing, etc etc...a lot of illegal shit does happen in the world of pigeons especially when it comes to racing; prized racers have been kidnapped and held for ransom before. and then there’s Avian Cucking: The Sport, where people breed the sexiest pigeons (horseman thief pouters), release them outside to seduce other people’s sexy pigeons, and bring them back and keep ‘em, drama ensues. will kiryu ever escape his past as a professional pigeon-napper, and find solace in his new life as a pigeon hobbyist? find out now by playing YACOOZA......

JOKES ASIDES i don’t know i really don’t....umm, pigeonetics and animal crossing somehow?? :O... like, instead of managing your own town it’s managing your own loft!...orrrr, the jojo games (all star battle & eyes of heaven) with yakuza, because i think they’re somewhat similar because they’re both haha Wacky Silly AND serious over the top fighty-fighting.....or maybe a crossover with OFF and discover my body, which, despite being an incredibly short and obscure indie game i still love to bits for what it’s worth. WAIT ANIMAL CROSSING AND MINECRAFT THAT WOULD FUCK SO HARD OH MY GOD

16: Character you’ve hated most? From what game? i can’t think of any character i like, HATE...with a burning passion.. there are a few i dislike or have a complicated relationship with though.. i’m not interested in the series anymore but ouma from drv3...i’ll admit that he is a bit fun sometimes, especially in the very early beginning he’s a likeable brat but as the game progresses he becomes more irritating than anything and i have an issue with him in regards to writing, despite the fact that i have never been awake in any english class ever lol. it’s too long to put in this already long post but i’ll keep it at that. if you like him, well, good for you for finding joy in something i couldn’t! but he just doesn’t do it for me.

AH I JUST REMEMBERED....MINE......FROM YAKUZA 3....maybe i’d change my mind if i watched a playthrough of y3 again, because i think you always absorb something better on your second watch (tho i honestly Dont have the energy to do that all over again, the yakuza games are too fucking long), but i really hate his writing. spoilers for y3 but, i think mine’s writing, alongside other things in the game, were super messy...and a big part of why i hate him is that not only is he one of those “could’ve had great potential but fell flat” sorta guys but also his love for daigo is seen as some fans as good gay rep and i?????/.............um....WELL let’s just say that, i think people nowadays will see any gay character ever in any circumstance and say it’s good gay rep just based off the fact that A Gay Character exists....he was Not, good gay rep imo....he was not, let alone, Good. .........

17: What game do you never tell people you play? can’t think of any games i wouldn’t tell people i play.. idk exactly what this question’s asking. does it mean what game you don’t tell ppl you play bc you’re embarrassed about it...? i’m not very embarrassed by any of them. the only thing that comes close, i guess, is uhh lioden and wolvden. i’ve only interacted with those communities a LITTLE TINY WEE BIT, yet of what i’ve seen it’s a goddamn dumpster fire and i’d never want to be associated with them lol

19: Which game do you think deserves a revival? i’m well aware it’ll never happen and that it’s more a wet dream than anything but...PT/silent hills..... on a more realistic/”could happen” note, PIGEONETICS!!!! SERIOUSLY, it’s an amazing game about amazing animals and it teaches genetics in a very simplified and efficient way!! genetics is SO hard for me to understand, i fucking hated studying it but this game really helped me understand how it works AND its super engaging and interesting!! HOWEVER, of all the pigeon genes we know of, only a handful were seen in pigeonetics and i’d LOVE a sequel that employs new game mechanics AND new genes!! i wanna learn about bronze and stencil genes! i wanna learn about phenotypes like grizzled and pied!!! genes like sooty and dirty!!! @ UNIVERSITY OF UTAH GENETICS DEPARTMENT PLEASE IM BEGIGNG YOU

20: What was the first video game you ever played? earliest memories of Gaming involves me at my aunt’s house playing two games: super mario brothers and some kind of trapeze game. i don’t remember anything else though

21: How old were you when you first played a video game? i can’t remember but i must’ve been REAL tiny.... 6-9 years, maybe??

22: If you could immerse yourself in any game for one day, which game would it be? What would you do? immerse myself meaning go into their world...? huh....on one hand i’d like to go in the world of yakuza 0 to play in the arcades and do whore related activities but i’d also love to go into the world of animal crossing (and i’m pretty sure i’d be some sort of generic dromaeosaurid in that game!!) and shop, chat with villagers, do chores for them, go fishing, bug hunting, eat delicious fucking food like the apples mangos peaches cherries etc etc.....OH AND FOSSIL HUNTING THAT’S THE BEST PART!! though it would definetly be a little weird, to be a little dinosaur and finding a fossil of a...little dinosaur....i guess the non-sentient species went extinct and the dinosaur i am is some kind of, descendant of a sapient non-avian dinosaur that survived the k-pg extinction event...oh but who cares all i want is a cool little ambulocetus fossil or something. and some cherry pie :)

26: Handheld or console? my old ps3 just went kaput one day years ago so i haven’t used it in years so i can’t compare well... but i’d say handheld, because it lets me like DO stuff more...would love to get a console one day, a ps4 maybe but i’m kinda worried it’ll make me stay in one room all day wasting away my time when there’s other stuff i can do, y’know? but something handheld like my 3ds, on the other hand...i can do stuff with it. i can take it to my room and play it between breaks i take as i clean the room and fold my clothes, i can watch something on the tv and play the game during ad breaks, i can take it outside too if it has charge to last me a while! so....handheld i guess

27: Has there ever been a moment that has made you cry? yakuza 0 and undertale in particular have ALMOST made me fucking bawl with many of its moments....yakuza 0 especially, after that Fucking Ending i had trouble sleeping because oh my fucking god. video game people SAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

28: Which character’s clothes do you wish you owned the most?

29: Which is more important, gameplay or story? HMMM....well, if i were to play a game with a shitty story but really good and fun gameplay i’d probably continue playing it for the gameplay. but if i played a game with shitty gameplay but an interesting story, there is a chance i’d play it more for the sake of the story but also i might just quite and see the rest of the story on youtube or something. i’m more likely to go through a boring story for fun gameplay than go through boring gameplay for an interesting story, so i guess gameplay is more important to me....that is, WHEN i actually own and play a game as opposed to when i just watch someone play a game because i don’t own the game but wanna know abt the story lol

30: A game that hasn’t been localized in your country that you think should be localized? i have no idea how video game localization really works....but i assume localizing a game in india would mean something like, removing content according to cultural norm and also somehow translating it into the 22 official languages..? or just two or three language if it’s tied to a particular state, which seems way more doable. i honestly have no idea? i’ve never interacted w the indian gaming community that much to be honest, all i know of it is of the video games i’ve seen sold in some game stores and a few whispers about like solid snake or whoever from my school’s cafeteria....the most popular games here, to my knowledge, are those very streamable games like fortnite and PUBG and your call of duties and whatnot. those generic shooters. and even then, that honestly isn’t the “indian” gaming community bc this country is so FUCKHUGE, it’s just tamil nadu. one state.

soooo, according to what little i know of gaming interests in where i live, i don’t think any of the games i like should be localized here bc i don’t really think there’s an audience for it as far as i can tell :( maybe animal crossing? it’s a fun little games for all ages and i think it has a chance of becoming popular here, so maybe that is worth a shot! but i can’t think of any other game that i like that really has an audience here (other than Me lol)

#asks #stommevrouw #THANK U EVIE THIS WAS SO FUNNNNNNN #WOOF haha this made me tired #im probably hitting the bed now! thank u!!

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jawnjendes · 5 years

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bonus: why is their luck in a deeply sad moment? | shawn mendes

some type of au idk man, shawn x goth ex gf

WARNING: there is talk of death and suicide in this chapter. read at your own risk.

AN: i cant squeeze this into the next big fic nor can i fit it into shawn meets bc everyone hated it so its a bonus in the gg story lmao also im starying the Next Big Fic in a few days :)

masterlist | annalise’s playlist

2026.

"Sometimes I think about the what ifs," Ann said, “but I like where I am. I like what I’ve made for myself.”

Shawn had to invite her over to his house a second time, because the first time left him with many questions unanswered. He couldn’t be mad at what she said, though. He was in the same boat; he liked the life he made. You know, without the crushing loss and run in with the supernatural.

“Well, I’m happy for you,” he told her, and he really meant it. “I’m glad we were able to successfully do our own things straight after breaking up.”

“Nothing like filling the void in your heart with work!” Ann replied with a giggle. She moved a strand of hair behind her ear, and that’s when Shawn noticed something.

He took her hand and noticed a tattoo on the side of her middle finger: The Triforce.

“You got inked?” he asked, impressed.

“Oh, that’s nothing,” she replied, grabbing her sleeve to roll it up.

There was a sword on her inner arm. It was varying in shades of blue, and it also had the Triforce on it. Shawn recognized it as the Master Sword from the Legend of Zelda games.

“All this is is proof that I’m a nerd,” Ann said as she rolled her sleeve back down. “I notice you have some more ink also… and that you still wear shirts half buttoned.” She pointed to his chest.

Her finger poked the exposed skin. It shouldn’t have been as tingly as it was. Shawn smiled and placed his hand over his chest.

“More than just that,” he told her. “But I can’t show you all of them.”

Maybe it was a little risky to say that. Shawn would have taken it back if Ann’s cheeks hadn’t gone a shade of pink.

“I could say the same thing…”

Shawn quickly came to learn just how many tattoos Ann had gotten over the years. A snake and tombstones on her other arm. Feather on her collarbone, roses on her shoulder. A quote reading, “...but I’m not anymore” with stars around it on her ribcage. Something on her wrist that Shawn didn’t catch because he was busy pressing his lips to her hips and taking off her pants, where he found another tattoo. “Lucky you.” He certainly felt it.

Everything about their time together was so familiar, so easy and almost home-like. Ann’s skin touching his. Her lips perfectly molding over his. The quiet, needy gasps they both released into the bedroom. It was like going back in time, and they were in Shawn’s Toronto apartment instead of his multimillion dollar condo in LA. It was soft and slow, despite Shawn pinning Ann’s arms above her head. He didn’t outgrow that particular move, and she still seemed to like it.

Shawn had never been happier to have been on a break more than now. Most one night stands in the past began and ended very quickly, because he was on tour or in between interviews or on a break for one day. This was one person that he didn’t want to leave behind. They lied down, sweaty and dazed, facing each other. It was silent, but not awkward. Everything had a nice haze around it.

That was also when Shawn finally made out what the tattoo on Ann’s wrist was. He picked his head up in confusion.

“Is… are those torches?” he asked. “Upside down? Just like mine… and are those my initials?”

It was simple line art, less intricate than his own. Torches in an X, with “SM” right below them. Shawn has been floored many times, and this was no exception.

Ann picked her head up as well. “It’s not what it looks like.”

Shawn looked down at his chest, his torches were exactly the same, sans the initials. He wanted to give Ann the benefit of the doubt, that this wasn’t some creepy fangirl thing. Some of his one night stands ended up like that, and it wasn’t exactly easy to forget.

“It’s for a friend of mine,” Ann explained, sitting up and covering her front with the blanket. She took note of the look on Shawn’s face. “Keeping someone’s light on beyond death, remember? I assume yours is for someone too.”

They were both sitting up now, and Shawn relaxed. However, he only relaxed a little bit because now it was time to get deep.

“Mine’s for Brian. He died last year.”

Ann’s face fell. “No. Brian, your best friend? Brian, the one who constantly took the piss outta me?”

He nodded. “He was… there was an accident. Flight of stairs. Instantly killed.” It was all lies, but no human would understand.

A hand went over his, squeezing. “I’m so sorry. He just, he just fell down some stairs?”

“A lot of stairs. I don’t know I guess he was running or something. There was no way to save him. People in the house heard the crash, but by the time they found him - when I found him - it was too late.” He had told this version many times, enough times to where he could almost believe it himself.

“Fuck, man. That’s… that’s fucking terrible,” Ann said sympathetically. “But I seriously can’t believe you just told me that.”

“Why?”

“Because now I have to tell you that mine is for Stella. Those are her initials.”

Stella Martinez. Now Shawn felt a little stupid… but surprised, and he was met with a sinking feeling in his stomach. He couldn’t believe it for a second, but it fully processed in his head, and his heart began to break.

“Stella from college? Stella, who was your literal opposite and also your best friend?”

Ann solemnly nodded. Then she looked down. “She… she killed herself.”

Shawn was stunned into silence, the tightness in his chest only intensifying. The entire time he knew Stella, she was always so positive and bubbly. She was the opposite of suicidal. That’s why it was such a shock… and so sad. Oh god, who was going to tell Camila?

“When did Brian go to the other side?” Ann asked after a moment.

“A year ago last month,” Shawn replied. “And Stella?”

Ann raised an eyebrow. “Two years ago last month...”

It was a strange coincidence, but still upsetting. Both Shawn and Ann lost their best friends at the same time of the year. The urge to spill everything was thick in the air. Still, neither of them said anything for a while.

Instead, Ann reached down to the floor to pick up her clothes. Shawn’s eyes were stuck on her and that was when he spotted another word on her back. Nightmare. Small font, right shoulder blade, surrounded by a cluster of skulls. Then, he realized what she was doing.

“Are you leaving?”

She looked up, bra in hand. She was quiet as she put it back on.

“No. No, I’m not going anywhere.”

And she crawled back into bed. She made the point to keep a distance from Shawn, who was still naked. He was on his side, looking at the woman before him. Only Ann could have sex with him and bring up the subject of death. That brought a new point to mind.

“How do you enjoy death?” he asked. “I think I’ve asked you this before, but after losing someone and attending their funeral, I’m having a hard time understanding your perspective.”

Ann took a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling. “I don’t enjoy the act of dying. People die every day in horrible ways. People mourn and fall into depression because of death. That’s not something to enjoy.”

“So what’s your deal with it?”

“I’m just embracing the face that it’s inevitable. I do that for myself. I will die eventually, or tomorrow-”

Shawn made a face; he didn’t like that thought.

“It doesn’t make it any easier when someone I know goes,” Ann continued. “You’d think with all the research I’ve done it would be. The ones we love leave this mortal plane, and all they leave is their absence. And that alone is a lot to process.”

“What’s the hardest part?”

“The what if’s.”

Shawn asked because he really wanted to know more about what happened to Stella. He had to know the things that led up to the tragedy, mostly because he knew Camila would ask for details, even if they were hard to hear.

He figured he should spill his side first.

“The last thing I said to Brian was to get the hell out of my room,” he began. “We were fighting, fighting over something so fucking stupid, and I was so pissed at him. That was our last interaction. He fell down the stairs because he was trying to find me in this big huge mansion…”

Ann sat up a little bit, hand over her chest. “Here?”

“Oh no, not here. I was staying at a friend’s house in London for a work thing. Place was huge, easy to get lost in,” Shawn clarified. “Brian, Andrew, all of them were leaving back to Toronto and I didn’t want to go just yet. Part of it was because I was still pissed. Maybe if I had run into him first before he fell… If I hadn’t kicked him out of my room a few nights prior… If I was less of an asshole…”

“Maybe you would have slipped on the stairs,” Ann told him. “Maybe you guys would have had an even bigger argument later that would have ended your friendship. There’s no way to tell, and sometimes that’s what sucks the most.”

Huh. Most people tell him not to dwell on it. No wonder Ann was a shrink now.

“Losing someone is one of the hardest things we, as humans, have to face,” she said. “It’s not easy in the slightest. Besides, the grieving period takes about three to five years, so you - we - are still in the beginning stages of it. Thinking about the what ifs, what you want to change, what you wish you could say to Brian - all of that is normal.”

The two of them let those words settle for a moment. Shawn’s eyes were a little misty, and redirecting the topic was probably not going to help. But he laid his stuff out on the table.

“What about you?” he asked.

“Me?”

“Your what ifs?”

Ann paused, looking around the room. “What if I had put my Master’s to use and noticed the goddamn signs?”

Shawn watched her, hoping she would at least return the eye contact.

“I’m an expert in this shit,” she said. “I have the years of school, the degrees, and the licenses for detecting things like this. I only figured it out the moment her dad called me.”

“How do you detect when someone is suicidal?”

“In her case, she was elated. When someone makes that decision, they reach a state of euphoria because they know their pain is about to end.”

“But Stella was always-”

“Believe me, I know. I hadn’t talked to her since graduating in Toronto, so I thought she hadn’t changed at all. But I would see on her social media, she just moved back to her parents’ house in Florida, and she hinted that she wasn’t happy about it.”

As if Shawn couldn’t take another blow. Come to think of it, he never heard much about Stella’s home life. He didn’t even think that it could be a negative place for her.

“I was in Jacksonville for work,” Ann continued, “so I hit her up, and we met up for lunch. We talked for about an hour, and she said that I was always a good friend and college wife and that she’ll always love me. And my stone hearted ass just said ‘cool, you don’t suck’ and that was that. A month later, she’s as blue as the pills she took.”

“Ooo…” Shawn sighed, cringing at that mental image. Sweet, warm hearted Stella cold and lifeless. Call it morbid, awful thinking, but Shawn wished Brian looked like that in death instead of the bloody mess he turned out to be.

“Yeah. And her parents had her embalmed and put in an airtight casket, but that’s a whole other rant.” Ann waved it off and lied back down.

Shawn didn’t know what else to do except lie down as well. While sharing the stories of how their friends died, he couldn’t help but feel just a little bit closer to Ann. The first time they met, it took fighting tooth and nail to get her to open up. Now, Shawn felt okay silently reached for her hand, and tenderly holding it in his.

Both of them winded up at the same awards show. Both lost their best friends. Both got the same type of tattoo to honor them. Neither of them anticipated meeting again. This couldn’t be a coincidence.

_______

goth gf taglist: @normalcyisoverrated-beyou @ilsolee @mendesromano @kitykatnumber @strangerliaa @iloveshawnieboi @someoneunimportantxx @goldenmndes @calyumthomas @shawnsunflower @shawnvvmendes @parkeraul @havethetimeeofyourlifee @chillingbythesea @wronglanemendes @softmendesss @peruvian-bae @theprivatewritings

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes smut #shawn x oc #shawn x goth gf #if yall r pissedt abt brian #it had already been establishedt #i made my bed imma fukin lie in it

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bloodwynes · 4 years

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OOC Q’s!

1. What do you want to get out of playing this character(s)?

I mean, I get enjoyment out of playing any of my chars, so that’s probably my main motivation.

2. Describe your character(s) with three words.

Protective, troubled, tired

3. What made you decide to write this muse?

I’ve been writing her since I was 16 and I adore her, she’s a dumbass, she’s dealing with a whole lot of shit, and I kinda relate to her in some aspects. There’s different versions of her, and I really like this one I’m writing here in TI.

4. If you could change one event in your muse’s life (in their main or canon verse), what would you change?

The disastrous relationship that she now has with her daughter. If Booker had managed to kill the witch that cursed Philippa, the girl never would’ve become bitter and dangerous. Booker feels terrible because she believes it is her fault that her daughter turned out to be a monster, but in other universes they have a real good relationship, with Booker being a queen and Philippa as the spymaster of the court. I miss them being okay with each other, they were an unstoppable team (and Zara was alive too!)

5. If you could tell your muse one thing, what would you tell them?

“I adore you and I feel bad for all the terrible, terrible shit I’ve put you through, but holy fucking shit woman, you always get away with everything. I’m surprised you haven’t been punched in the face more often. You’ve done stuff here that makes me damn mad, pls learn to be better.”

6. If you could give your muse one gift, what would you give them?

A kitten. Crazy cat lady can always have more cats around.

7. If you had to take one positive thing away from your muse, what would you take away?

Her protectiveness. What would Booker be without her desire to keep others safe? Just a selfish, angry drunk. If she lost that aspect of her personality she’d be lost, she’d be nothing.

8. If you could “borrow” one aspect of your muse and apply it to yourself or your own life, what would you borrow?

Gimme those mma skills plz omfg. How AWESOME would it be to have those fighting skills!? They could be so useful.

9. Do you genuinely want your muse to be happy? What do you think would make them most happy in life?

I want this idiot to be happy, she’s an ass sometimes but she deserves happiness. I know she will probably never admit it, because she wants to believe she doesn’t need anyone else in order to be happy, but boy is she lying hard to herself. She’s pretty traditional in some senses, and honestly? All she wants is a family, even if she keeps saying that she does NOT want kids. She wants a house in the woods or the beach, a wife, kids and a whole lotta pets. It’s not super exciting, but that’s the whole point! With how rough and crazy her life has been, she craves nothing more than a little stability and just a very simple life.

10. Do you enjoy putting your muse through angst? What do you think would break their heart the most?

I do enjoy it sometimes cause a little angst is always necessary to make things fun imo, but I don’t want her character to always revolve around angst, or constantly be part of super angsty situations, I like to mix things up. Being unable to protect others is the one thing that will definitely break her heart, mostly because her being unable to protect others in the past has cost lives and her daughter’s well-being. She feels it’s her duty to keep her loved ones safe no matter what, and if she is unable to protect them she feels as if she’s failed them, creating a feeling of worthlessness. It’s kinda what happened to her when she lost her eye, she became unable to fight, so she had no idea what to do, how to help others or keep going so she just… pushed everyone away and vanished. Was it right? Nope, she fucked up big time. Is she ever going to admit she did something bad and hurt lots of people she cared about? Also no, she’s tired and done but she’s still goddamn stubborn.

11. What do you love about your muse?

How goofy she can be, despite everything she’s been through. Yeah, she can be grumpy and mean as hell sometimes, but she still has a side of her that’s super sweet and fun and sooooo loving.

12. What do you hate about your muse?

She needs to stop being so stubborn. This woman will never admit she is wrong and will ALWAYS play the victim. Sometimes I feel like she really needs to grow up.

13. What about your muse amuses you?

The amount of shit she’s been through. Her poor body doesn’t have more space for scars, and yet she keeps on being an angry hothead that seeks fights, despite being tired and super done with everything. I’m surprised she’s been able to go on this long. Right now the fire that made her fight for important things has waned and died out, so now she mostly just gets into senseless bar fights.

14. What about your muse makes you sad?

Her own family hates her guts, except for Lys, and she lost the one person who loved her the most. Her mother treated her like shit all her life, and when Booker finally ran off and found someone who truly loved her, who made her feel like she belonged, this person died. She has lost way too many people, and she grew up hearing how terrible she is and how she doesn’t deserve her wings. She’s excellent at hiding it but BOY IS THIS WOMAN’S SELF ESTEEM LOW.

15. How would you describe your muse to someone about to meet them, in person, for the first time?

“You are gonna recognize her immediately. Tall, with a thick accent, and a mane of red hair. Seriously, it’s like she got pulled out of a Vikings episode or something. Don’t mind her humor, she’s a bit awkward but she’s fun to have around.”

16. Would you like your muse as a person if you met them in real life?

I think I’d have a crush on her if I’m being completely honest. Now, if I got to know her better? Idk, she’s intense and I’m way too lazy, but I’d think she’s cool.

17. In what ways are you better than your muse? In what ways are they better than you?

Im not a hothead like her, or egotistical and violent, so I guess I could say I’m better at handling my emotions than her. Booker is wild, a bit unpredictable and super volatile, I’m glad to be the opposite most of the time lol. Now, she’s better than me in the aspects that she can fight really damn well and I’m barely a yellow/white belt in karate, she can also cook really well while I’m here burning boiled water, among a LOT of other things, because this woman has been around for 400 years and knows how to do many things.

18. Why do you think you connect to your muse?

Well, unfortunately we share something that I definitely wouldn’t have added if I knew it was gonna happen to me too later on, cause it brings back a lot of pain. We recently lost a family member at the hands of someone violent and dangerous. We have to live on with that loss, knowing that the person who killed our family member is still out there, living. It hits way too close to home, and I don’t think I’d ever be able to explain the level of anger and pain I feel with words, so I get how Booker feels, I get why she is angry, why she is drunk, why she feels helpless and has zero fucks to give now. It is something so deeply personal, so wild to people who haven’t experienced something like it, and like… it hurts, a lot, but here we are, still existing, still going on, and trying to make damn sure we keep the memory of those we lost alive.

19. What aspect of your muse’s personality is most important to you? What aspect of your muse’s personality do you think is most important to them? Is it the same? Why or why not?

I think the most important aspect of her personality is her protectiveness, and she’d probably say the same. Booker lives to protect others, in the other places I wrote her she was a Queen, and a really good one might I add, because she was fiercely protective of her people and her family. Booker is a guardian, that’s her whole thing.

20. Has your character(s) changed over the time that you have been playing them? How have they changed?

I actually started writing the accent™️ now, so that’s new. Other things that have changed is her personality in general, she’s a bit shyer than before, overall the things I’ve changed are just small details that probably aren’t very recognizable, with the exception of a few bigger details. She’s also drinking a bit more, it’s starting to become a problem. She’s not doing great, but she’s good at hiding it (kinda?). She’s also a little more aware of what she wants in life right now, her views on some things have changed. For example, before she left, she just craved adventure and an exciting life, I decided to change this, now she wants simplicity, she wants a family. She is not the same person she was before I took a break from TI, and the changes will begin to seep out slowly.

#theinstitutetask #tw: death #tw: alcohol #proceed at your own risk

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squeiky · 4 years

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Honestly papyrus and sans are the #1 deltarune teasers.

From the door... To papyruses little Easter "egg". Tp the gaster connections :/

(ps: papyrus is way more connected to gaster than sans is. )

Then the "dont forget" <- take it literally friends you seriously want to remember small tib bits in both games.

The sans wink in deltarune.. The fact that they seem...wary of the player. In fact, they talk directly to us. And even add sound effects! How kind.

Reminds me of lancers mp3. Its a cute sound effect.

Tbh, they remind me of those kids tv shows.

You know? Where they are talking someone and look directly at YOU, and go "can you find this?" Or "what should i do?" Or "what do you think?"

Like.. Elmo, or dora the exlporer. Or something.

I could go off on papyruses flying ability, or sans timestopping, time manipulating.. Just a bunch of things about time tbh. Or papyruses... Strange music in his room, or his apperent blasters, pr the fact that he looks similar to gaster....

(i messed with both gaster/mysteryman and papyruses sprite a bit. I just flipped papyrus's default face, ontop of gasters. I guess they are just 2 eggs. Beacuse they seriously have that egg shape apperance. So we have 2 eggy bois and i love it.)

Okay i dont want to go to much on papyruses frequent wall breaking which is like 24/7 and how he knows about alphys... Or the fact that she works in a laboratory... Or how the bone brothers barely know anything about the other, and how it was pointed out by the shopkeeper that she cant tell if they are related or not..

( someone said the shopkeeper has a sister soo..)

Or how similar sans is to lancer... Or how similar he is to literally everything in deltarune. Actually he's so connected to deltarune, you cant even see him die. He supposedly gets "tired" and runs away, exactly how with the nightners.

(Personally i dont think he died. He has an arrange of sound effects,( papyrus included) such as drums and what not.)

He bleeds like the nightners. According to lancer they have a blood bucket, and someone to clean up the "blood" (i think they do, i forgot their name) and how apperently know about blood to the extent of how it works, and know how to use it as a joke and not freak out. (I.e. That one kid and noelle) to the loint of having a janitor to clean it up. And sans is the only undertale character to bleed, and walk away. Seeing as monsters IMMEDIATELY dust after being brought to 0 hp. And not bleed to death, as sans does. Which sucks alot but oh well. the ICE-E crossword, that only exists in deltarune.. That sans has in undertale.

And the connects with papyrus is more undertale related/ gaster related than deltarune related.

So mabye i was wrong and sans is more of a hint for deltarune + lancer (from his bike, to prankster personailty, to clothes, to his ENTIRE HOME.)

(the castle is filled with those forever smiles that sans has. Which is funny cause that castle is in shambles and is obviously has a terrible king in charge, and its really depressing how lancer's dad was nice, but not anymore. But yeah KEEP SMILING YA SACK O POTATOES.)

(To the benches that sans has in the fundraiser)

OH OH OH ! AND THE FACT THAT PAPYRUS REFERS TO UNDERTALE AS "HIS GAME!" AND CONNECTION WITH TOBY FOX (and possibly the temmies) AND WITH GASTER POSSIBLY BEING APPART IN DELTARUNE THATS VERY VERY INTRESTING IS IT NOT?

I mean what do you think?

Though i dont understand the "you hear a trousle of bones" in deltarune. And sans says "my little brother"..

Like how old are you sans that it conerns me. You even befriended toriel, which personally sounds awsome.

(People draw kris as if he would hate that, but kris is such a prankster, he and sans would be besties like-)

Also how young exactly is papyrus here? Asriel is obviously younger than papyrus in undertale, by using him as a ruler, papyrus and sans shouldn't be so..... Young? Adult age atleast not..babybones.

Unless papyrus indeed does the trick that goner kid did, and just doesn't exist in deltarune, due to his connection with gaster and his connection to undertale.

Unless im wrong, and asriel was just born before papyrus and sans came to snowdin, which might mean he would be older but... UGH THIS IS CONFUSING BUT THERE SHOULDN'T BE BABYBONES PAPYRUS ANYWHERE BEACUSE EVERYONE IS THE RESPECTIVE AGE OF UNDERTALE, INCLUDING ASRIEL AS DUE TO HIS CONSTANT RESETS HE'S PROBABLY ALOT OLDER THAN WE REALISE!!!!!!!!

And that papyrus cannot be connected to sans, unless toby says so.

Otherwise papyrus cant exist in deltarune, and sans has another brother or something.

Also undertale papyrus and sans are alot.more diffrent than you realise.

Actually their roles where reversed at a time! Cool huh?

Papyrus is seen being pretty depressed, while somewhere, i cant remeber where, but it is said that sans wans't always this lazy.

Which means....

ROLE REVERSION!!! Cool right?

Before you OFFICALLY MEET papyrus and sans, sans is constantly trying to cheer papyrus up with jokes

(terrible pun are normally a thing of inexperience. Unless on purpose. But he has a joke book. Most likely papyrus's book beacuse of the constant puns papyrus makes, that are really good! Papyrus is the only one who has a book shelf, so probably the quatum physics is his too. As he needs SOMETHING FOR THAT FREAKING BRIDGE. And why would you need a book if you already know all the jokes? :/ also im pretty sure either he recites it for toriel (which hes not aware is toriel) or its for papyrus. Either one makes sense. Even both)

Anyways sans was alot more hopeful and papyrus was a lot LESS hopefull. Only by meeting you, the PLAYER err... Human! He regains his hope back!

Sans is also homesick. Undertale isn't his home, he doesn't feel happy with going to the surface either.

Deltarune is the only place he truely seems at home, happy, joyfull. And even owns a...

Bar!! :DDD probably got handed it thx to grillby!

And has a freind named alphys who is just as nerdy as she was before. But now a nerdy teacher~

(WHICH CAN RELATE! I HAVE SO MANY NERDY TEACHERS IN MY SCHOOL LMAO ITS AWSOME, I GET TO TALK ABOUT ANIME LIKE-)

And not some depressed scientist with an anxiety and peer pressure.

Like no wonder he's homesick.

No wonder papyrus feels a bit "down lately." He gets the sucky version.

I guess when your suck in a strange place, a different home you lose alot of hope, rather than gain some.

Or hp. What ever you want to say. Hp= HoPe ? Sure why not i guess.

I mean, im trying to write my goddamn comic, and its gonna be hard to keep all my notes conistent.

Cause just rewatched their whole introduction and im like-

GODDAMIT PAPYRUS DO YOU NEED A HUG? FRISK MOVE, MAKE THIS GUY HAPPY. YES! THAT CONVERSATION ALSO FILLS ME WITH DETERMINATIOM! I CANT BELIEVE ITS CALLED THE "BOX ROAD" THANKS TO 1 FRICKING BOX.

YES SANS CHEER UP YOUR SUPPOSED BROTHER WITH DESPERATE JOKES AND FUNNY COMEDY AND POSSIBLE SOUND EFFECTS.

YES PAPYRUS SMILE, YES PAPYRUS GET MAD AND MARCH OFF LAUGHING HAPPILY WITH THAT ONE BACKBONE PUN.

PAPYRUS NO DONT GO BACK TO BEING Sad- goddammit he left my screen AND HES BAck... Aww... :(

What? Yes sans? He's been feeling down lately? Seeing me could cheer him up?

AWWWWwWwWWWwWwww thats so SWEEETTTTT

THANK YOU FOR TALKING TO ME DIRECTLY LIKE YOU SHOULD BTW. AS IM NOT FRISK, I AM A REAL HUMAN, USING FRISK AS A VESSEL AS I TOWER FROM ABOVE. AND YES I DO SEE YOUR FACE PAPYRUS FROM THE DIALOUGE BOX AND YOU LOOK AMAZING.

*Papyrus realises he doesn't have ears

[Facepalms]

*theres.just a bunch of makeup and sludge on the floor.

[Covers face]

*why does he even carry that?

[Peaks a little and whispers]

"Its always important to carry makeup on. You never know when you need it. Like now."

*papyrus nods his head thoughfully.

#papyrus #sans #undertale #deltarune #frisk the human #frisk #undertale frisk

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luked4nuke · 4 years

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If, I were President of the United States. (I just wanna state I’m not a democrat or republican)

First I’d enforce Quarantine and extend it. I’d also attend the poorest families or individuals first and provide them with the financial assistance they need. People are struggling hard enough as it is living paycheck to paycheck.

Second I’d shut down the schools as I believe safty more important especially for the future kids who will rule this place. I also don’t like how schools give so much homework and stress. They just condition kids into beleiving working 40 hours a week is normal and that you should be lucky to have weekends. Staying in classes all day then returning home only to be forced to complete more homework that takes up time and robs them of social interactions. These schools don’t even test knowledge. They test obedience and reward them for being quiet little slaves that will slowly become a “regular worker.” They really don’t care about how smart you are, they test memory over all else, when they study a subject and pass the test they move on quickly to the next one stressing them out. If they failed the test, to bad they’re still moving on with you. (Sorry this got way of topic. I just hate how schools operate and also how low they pay the teachers)

Third I would dismantle the police force and create a new one. A better one that focuses on real problems like sex trafficking and drugs. All the horrible crimes that are allowed to fly under the radar. Any excessive use of force would be heavily punished. Fired, fined and jail time. No shooting at peaceful protesters, seriously dafaq is wrong with them unleashing hell upon unarmed civilians and sneaking in rioters to escalate it to justify the force.

Fourth, gold is a finite resource. Pretty much all the money you’ve ever spent is fake, all digital backed by nothing. Personally I hate it but you’ve all becomes achstomed to it so I would attempt to fix the economy so people can afford essential things, like homes and food. Instead of kicking out homeless people Id build shelters. They make it to easy to fall down into poverty and nearly impossible to climb back up. Once you’ve been arrested, once you’ve been homeless, you understand the struggle of trying to reintergrate with society. The easiest path become the dark one. I would attempt to control the population, America is a gigantic habitat and likewise it has a carrying capacity. If you’re gonna argue people have to pay unreasonable amounts of money for food you’re crazy.

Immigrants are definitely allowed as long as they follow the rules and don’t commit crimes. America was litterally founded on immigrants. American stole land from the natives violently and even managed to capture Hawaii, which was its own nation. They taxed us and recognized us as a small power. Iolani Palace has electricity flush toilets and even phones before the White House did. Queen Lili’uokalani signed in duress. It horrible and sheforfeited her whole kingdom in exchange for the people, as a leader should. The people make a country, the government already should put the people first. Without all the hardworking Americans working, there is no country.

We don’t serve the government. As a government worker we serve the people. It’s our duty to ensure everybody is treated fairly. To make sure everybody that we oversee has the essentials for life, a home and food.

And for LGBT rights. I personally don’t care what the heck they do. Love is love, let it be. They can chose to identify as whoever they want and pursue relationships with whoever. You can’t force things onto people. America is supposed to be freedom personified, we can chose to do as we please as long as we don’t bring harm to others. Those camps are wrong. America is also religion free, you can be whatever you want, Christian Muslim, litterally anything. Being a satanist is totally legal as long as you don’t hurt anything. Believe in what you want and don’t force it on others. Gay people are amazing! We all are, were all human and we can change and create change. We are all human at the core and we always have been. We have a right to love, and to be loved by all around us. Love is love, let it be, theres always been love. I can identify as a man or woman, and I can damn well love either as I please as long it’s reciprocated. I’d always rather say I love you too much then not enough.

Climate change is real. The pollution of those stupidly large companies is also VERY real. As an individual you contribute less than a percent of the actual pollution, it’s literally the big corporations. That needs to stop. I’m not exactly sure how but I AM GOING to start a wave of change that will benefit the worlds health. We all live here. This is not political, I don’t have time for games, scientists that have studied their whole lives are begging for us to change. We can all have solar electricity farms and then it’d be FREE. “But you can’t charge people for that you can’t make money.” I’m NOT TRYING TO MAKE MONEY I DO NOT CARE ANOUT MONEY. IM AIMING FOR SOMETHING BIGGER THAN GREED THE BETTERMENT OF HUMANITY. I don’t care about ruining electric companies and other random fossil fuels bullshits that will run out, I want the future to be bright!

Screw it im going off the rails, schools main courses should focus on stuff like self sustainment, like farming and wilderness survival. Creativity because that’s the most human thing about us! Empathy basic Psychology. Kids can get mad they should learn and understand why. Understand why they feel the feelings they feel and giving them all better emotional control. EMPATHY. They need to learn things like taxes since they’re such a big part. Also why the heck are taxes so complicated. It’s just targeting the illiterate foreigners and immigrants who struggle and try to understand it and I believe that’s horrible. Make it easier to become apart of America the land of freedom and the getaway from the crueler areas of earth. Maybe just limit the population. Also seriously fuck off with taxes! Why the hell are you charging and taxing 14 year olds that aren’t allowed to vote, thats taxation without representation.

Taxes should be like Mario kart and Ancient Greece. Quote from some thing I googled

“The philosopher Aristotle developed the theme. His "magnificent man" gave vast sums to the community. But poor men could never be "magnificent" because they did not have the financial means. True wealth consists in doing good, Aristotle argued in the Art of Rhetoric: in handing out money and gifts, and helping others to maintain an existence.

The idea is simple the higher up you are on the financial ladder the more you have to pay taxes and contribute to society. The large taxes from the rich help fund financial aid for the poor and stuff. The rich did not earn that money they climbed to top on top a mountain of millions of shortcuts and underpaid workers It should be an honor to be taxed and help the poor people survive. Like in Mario kart, the higher you’re placed the harder it is to maintain it and the last place people always get the better power ups giving them a constant fighting chance. At most I believe wealth should be hoarded to sustain like one generation of kids, two at the most. Maybe three but theres no reason anybody should have all that money that your never going to spend or all that money that becomes worthless once a war or breaks out or aliens attack or something. Life is more important than money. Something simple everyone should consider.

I think everybody should be able to pursue a career and each career should be sustainable. Enjoyment in a job of your choosing without worrying about financial burden. Jobs would be divided into smaller simple groups and the pay would based on their contribution to society. Like doctors getting paid more and getting teachers paid more, but small retailers wouldn’t get paid as much but they could survive not living paycheck to paycheck. The motivation is everybody should free to pursue the hobby they love without being punished. Maybe little Timmy doesn’t want to be a firefighter, maybe he desires a simple fun life selling flowers. That’s fine! Maybe they don’t wanna become the hero but it’ll be an honor to society. As long as you have a job that contributes to society you can live for free. If everybody is constantly trying to make the most profit, then we all become a bucket of crabs dragging each other down. I can’t sell my $10 good that costed me $2 to make. Also the whole buy back thing irritates me, I spent $60 on this goddamn game and GameStop can only give me like $10 in store credit or $5 in real life? That’s isn’t fair and that applies to pretty much everything. That’s $1000 phone you bought is barley worth $357 right now. I’m pretty sure it didn’t cost that much to make these things but like DAMN. Capitalism sucks.

In summary, I don’t know much about politics but I would be the human party. I don’t care about left or right. I’m the one that doesn’t care about money. I care more about life and creativity. Peoples right to enjoyment and living a happy life with others regardless of gender. Survival of the human race and advancement into the future where more things are free and we can constantly focus on creating an even BETTER one. We can’t go anywhere without each other especially if we’re all just a bucket of crabs. To greedy and self destructive constantly looking out only for themselves. Seriously get your act together humans before you kickstart your own downfall. If we’re all trying to make a profit, nobody does. The best things in life are free. You can pursue wealth for your future or you can focus and live and enjoy and love the now. Mario kart style, where all in this race for life and we all deserve a winning chance.

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tommyquackson · 5 years

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Getting Me a Little Bit | t. holland | part 2

Not My Gif

summary: toms an angel but his life begins changing when he meets one of the most dangerous monsters he’s ever heard of, you. angel!tom and demon!au

warnings: cursing, uh angels? blood and stuff

note: yea idek why i made a part 2 tbh but make sure y’all request!!!

Walking into the Office of Heavenly Affairs, Tom is nervous. Y/ns walking next to him, somehow acting confident and innocent at the same time. She has a small smile on her face and a file in her small hands and she’s leading Tom through the building like she’s been here multiple times before. It isn’t until they arrive into the Demon and Unholy Creatures Department that he realizes y/ns winging this whole thing. He watches her as they both walk up to the secretary’s desk. The secretary, Harmony, recognizes Tom, but her face twists in confusion when her eyes meet Y/n.

“Tom, they’re almost ready for you in the conference room. May I ask who you are?” Harmony speaks to y/n.

“Harmony, I know i’m not down in this division a lot, but I do find it insulting that you don’t remember me. But I forgive you.” Y/n smiles sweetly, showing a ID badge with her name and picture on it. Harmonys eyes widen in shock.

“I’m sorry, I don’t think we’ve met” Harmony speaks. Y/n sighs and rests on her elbows on the desk, looking into Harmonys eyes. It’s only a few seconds but suddenly Harmonys face flashes with recognition.

“Ms. Y/n! My deepest apologies, i don’t know where my mind has gone, please forgive me. Are you on official business with Agent Holland?” She smiles typing things into her computer.

“Yes I am, it was great seeing you again.” Y/n smiles, tapping the desk before looking at Tom and winking and walking away and towards the conference room where the meeting will be held.

She waits at the door for Tom and he pulls it open, straightening his collar while walking in. He and Y/n walk up to the table and sit down.

“Ah, Agent Holland, im fairly busy today so- oh, who is this?” One of his directors speak now looking at y/n, who immediately stands and hands the file over.

“Hi, I’m Y/n over at the Government Division, as you know, our reports show there’s a suspected 434 demons and other unspeakable creatures in the government in New York City alone, not including Lower Statten Island, but once we tackle our larger issues we’ll take care of the smaller challenges. Anyway, I was doing work in Hell’s Kitchen last night and realized you had field agents stationed there, specifically in The Devil, a popular nightclub. Now that’s not his fault, but it is yours because it has come to my attention that you haven’t alerted us or anyone for that matter about suspected demon activity, now as you know that’s a serious offense and I would hate to see a lot of your hard work be wasted simply because you were careless on a small intel project.” She finishes and looks sweetly at all the Angels sitting on the opposite of the table.

“We sent Agent Holland because we believe there to be a succubus in that nightclub, we didn’t think we’d have to alert anyone about our own mission. What did you say your name was again?” The first Director speaks up, looking her up and down.

“What is it with you guys today? Is there something in the water? Y/n with the Government Division. Have you not been getting my memos?” She puts her hand on her hip and looks at all of them.

“Uh no, I mean yes mam we have, but we had a credible lead that-“

“Well your lead isn’t as credible as you think, Tom, please give them the status report from last night.” She looks at Tom and nods.

“Oh uh, upon entering I saw no suspicious activity, everything was surprisingly human. I was there for a while and no trace or word of a succubus in that club,” Tom gulps, he hadn’t realized how much he didn’t think of what he was going to tell them.

“Great, so, I think you it’s safe to say you can stay out of GDs jurisdiction and we can avoid stepping on each other wings. It was lovely seeing all of you, see you at the Christmas gathering.” Y/n speaks, grabbing the file back and walking out of the room.

Tom is dismissed immediately after and jogs to catch up with her.

“What was in that file, they believed everything you were saying,” Tom gasps.

“Oh it’s empty, i just projected whatever I was saying onto the file and it appeared, simple illusions. Now shall we go get lunch?” She smiles, clothes changing as soon as she steps out of the stark white building.

—

2 weeks later and Tom has been hanging out with the literal spawn of satan nearly everyday. Except for last week when Y/n disappeared for 4 days and came back looking a little worse for wear. She demanded Tom to not talk about it or even question her when she arrived at his place.

Toms been neglecting his heavenly duties to spend more time with her. Although it always made him sick when she brought men to his place while he was out for a bit. He hoped it wouldn’t be a regular occurrence in the future.

He hadn’t seen her today however, she said yesterday that she had important things to do and wasn’t sure when she’d be back. She seemed annoyed at whatever she had to do, but Tom held his tongue.

He sat in his living room, eating spaghetti and watching a beautiful nature documentary. The polar bear cubs struggling to find food always struck a cord in Tom, it seemed so cruel and unfair. He watched as camera men followed penguins and seals around for 5 months and analyzed their behavior.

He’s interrupted by a quiet knock and then a large thump against his front door. He stands and moves quietly to the door, wondering who could be knocking at 11pm on a Tuesday? Y/n always appears in whatever room he’s in, usually scaring him half to death.

He slowly pulls open the door and her smaller body falls into his arms. Y/ns halfway covered in dark blood and her horns look battered. She looks up at him and her face is covered in cuts and more dried blood. Her “human” eyes are hidden and the whole space is covered in black with low flames flickering. She smiles lightly and he can see her sharp teeth barely poking out.

He pulls her in and lays the demon on the couch, spewing questions in her direction.

“Tommy, relax. You yelling at me ain’t gonna cure my headache” She winces, clenching her jaw.

“Y/n, what happened” He asks softly.

“Don’t wanna talk about it” y/n goes to turn over but quickly hisses and grab her ribs.

“You have to” He stands up straighter.

“I don’t fucking want to” She nearly growls. He’d be more scared if she wasn’t so pathetic looking.

“Y/n, I don’t care what you want to do. You need to tell me what happened so I can help you, NOW!” He shouts the last part and she almost chuckles at how adorable the angel looks yelling at her.

“had’t go t’hell and ran into s”trouble with m’dad” She mumbles, looking at the TV instead of Tom.

“I can’t hear you when you mumble” He says rolling his eyes at her stubbornness.

“I had to go to hell to do some shit and Lucifer found out I was there and decided to meet with me but things took a bad turn and I got my ass kicked by a bunch of leviathans while my dad watched” She spits out, louder and clearer.

“Oh”

“Yep, and since they beat me so damn bad, none of my powers or magic works, had to walk all the way here from the nearest portal, which i’m not sure if you’re aware, is VERY far” She pushes through and sits up on the couch.

“Why did he do it?” Tom asks quietly, unsure of the question was upsetting.

“Eh, there’s a few reasons. Main one being he’s god damn Satan. The other is he found out I was at the Office of Heavenly Affairs, got pissed and accused me of being a traitor” She shrugs like the information is nothing, leading Tom to wonder how much stuff y/ns already dealt with.

“Well, uh. I can do my best to patch you up and you can sleep in my bed.” Tom pushes his glasses up on his face and rushes to get some things to help, he doesn’t usually get hurt so he’s not super prepared, but he’s got the basics.

He spends a few minutes trying his best to disinfect her most serious wounds and cleaning the voood off of her. His hands are shaky as he sews a few cuts up but she doesn’t seem to notice, by looking at Y/ns face, you wouldn’t even know she’s in pain. She’s staring at the now black TV, watching her blurry reflection. Her eyes have gone back to normal and her horns have retreated, though it’s still not easy to read her. Tom usually prides himself on being able to read body language but he’s drawing a blank with y/n. Is she mad? maybe upset? maybe just tired? He’s not sure.

“Thanks tommy.” She winks as he wipes the last bit of ointment on her skin. She stands and clenches her jaw to stop from groaning in pain.

She walks towards the front door, leaving Tom in complete and utter confusion before he snaps to action.

“Wait! What? You can’t leave you’re hurt and in pain, you-“

“I’m fine” She shrugs, not turning around.

“No you aren’t! Why are you denying this, you need to stay here.” Toms eyebrows furrow together.

“Why does it fucking matter?” She finally turns around, eyes switched back to her demon form.

“Because you’re my friend,” Tom speaks quietly. He looks down at the ground afraid of her glare.

“Let’s get one thing straight Thomas. I don’t need a friend, which means i don’t need the bullshit that comes with them. I don’t need you to care about me got it? I’m perfectly fine without you, so don’t act like I need you to survive or like you’re the goddamn air i breathe. You’re nothing to me but an idiot fucking angel. So i’m gonna fucking leave and you’re gonna fucking let me. Any questions?” She throws her hands towards him. His head shoots up at her.

“You came here? You didn’t go to the club, you walked all the way from the nearest portal, which is 34 blocks by the way, you needed someone and you came here. Don’t get mad just because you want to be the one to hurt someone instead of the other way around. So you can leave if you really want to y/n, but don’t lie about why you’re doing it because you’re only fooling yourself” He spurts out, face red and hands shaky.

Y/n doesn’t say anything for a while. Just stares in anger, her eyes fill with tears and she quickly wipes them away as they fall.

“I don’t wanna be friends anymore Tom, that’s it.” She shakes out between her deep shudders of breath. She turns and limps out quickly, slamming Toms front door behind her.

#imagine #tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland stan #tom holland headcanon #tom holland x reader #tom x reader smut #tom x reader #angel!au #demon!reader #succubus!reader

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