#IM HERE TO WATCH WHITE MEN GET WORSE !!

[inhumanfuckingdogman]

I want he last shot of tom and greg to be a side by side of their jail bars sliding shut over them after theyre put in different prisons following their illicit affair & further white collar crimes. Actually i want it to be greg making wooby eyes through the glass at tom after pinning all his crimes on him promising he’ll write and thank u soooooo much for doing this tommy youre seriously the best and toms like yeah whatever (but then he goes back to his cell and starts fucking a pillow with a picture of greg taped to it and muttering like oh yeah you like that you dirty little pinocchio. You filthy little wooden judas. You like when tommy takes good care of you dont you (his roommate is still there.)) actually i want tomgreg sex scene but its only one scene where greg is really confused as to why exactly hes being propositioned for a blowie (this is at logans funeral. In the coat check) but does it anyways (because hes insane) and we see him going down on tom and then tom hissing and being like “teeTH, GREGORY” and the next day they go to jail bc logan was the only thing keeping them in the company and therefore out of harms way. Actually i w

[qwimblenorrisstan]

Found | 141 & Reader

Summary: When you’re introduced to your new foster parents, a bear hybrid, harpy, werewolf and wraith, four big scary men, you’re not sure about how things are going to turn out. Your first day with them turns out more okay than you expected.

Word Count: ~3.3k

Warnings: lotta anxiety, reader is very quiet (sorta non-verbal?), descriptions of sharp teeth, scars, sharp claws, flashbacks (trauma), boundaries being put down (gently), BIG FAT SPIDER

A/N: so this happened…hope you enjoy this word vomit i spewed onto my google doc, and plsss keep the lovely requests coming, I love them<3

Requests are open!

Masterlist | Next

The front door shut, and the social worker left, leaving you alone with all these tall, strong men who now just stared at you. You stood near the door, backpack over your shoulder, tense as if ready to bolt at the slightest thing.

The men seemed to notice this, the bear hybrid and the harpy exchanging glances, before the former slowly approached you, taking note of how you kept your feet angled to the door, a sure sign you were ready to run. He didn’t blame you. The past children they had fostered had been the same at first, timid, shy, spooking easily. You just seemed to have a worse case of it.

He stopped about a foot in front of you, slowly getting on one of his knees to be almost at eye level with you. The air felt suffocatingly thick. You returned his level gaze with a wary, untrusting one, like a wild animal’s.

“I’m John,”

He spoke. His voice felt like a Sunday night bonfire, the whiskers of a cat, and warm ashes still flickering red. It was a bit comforting, and you wondered why until you saw the way his chest was shaking just a little bit.

He was purring.

You hadn’t even known bear hybrids could purr, but as soon as you realized that, you were back on edge. He knew that even if you were fully human, your body would still relax in response to most forms of purring. He was essentially using your body’s natural responses against you.

“And you are?”

He then asked, bright blue eyes watching you. Observing. All of them were, you could feel it. Especially the maybe-wraith, you could practically feel his eyes digging holes into you.

“Y/N.”

You replied. Your voice shook despite your best efforts to keep it level and calm despite the storm of emotions you were experiencing.

You watched as the werewolf almost lunged forward, stopped only by the wraith, who placed one hand on his shoulder, shaking his head, and the wolf let out a low sound that looked like a whine, ears flattening, but the wraith didn’t budge. Strange.

John nodded, getting back up off of his one knee, gesturing to each other members of the pack one by one, the harpy was first.

“This here is Kyle,”

Kyle gave a gentle smile, eyes full of what seemed like empathy for how uncomfortable he must know you are. They probably knew every single thing you were feeling, considering a hybrid’s insanely good sense of smell. His feathery wings puffed up, then resettled in a matter of seconds.

“Here’s Johnny, but we call ‘im Soap.”

The werewolf. You didn’t know why he was nicknamed ‘Soap’, and you didn’t want to know, either. He gave a sheepish smile, pearly whites gleaming.

“And we’ve got Simon, our Ghost.”

The wraith. He gave a small nod, which looking back, was more like a jerk of his head. His eyes were a dark chocolate brown.

You quickly decided that Kyle was your favorite, for now. John was a close second, and Johnny and Simon were on an equal level.

“Kyle, take ‘er to the room while me and the lads have a chat.”

John said, gesturing you over to Kyle, who waved you over, leading you out of the main living room area, and down a hallway to the right. You dragged your feet, curious to hear what John was having a ‘chat’ with the other boys about.

“…need to quit chompin’ at the bit, Soap, making the girl nervous.”

“Cannae help it, she’s so small—“

“You’d better help it, ‘fore I do for you, Johnny.”

The conversation continued, Kyle glancing back, noticing you lingering back, raising a brow with a little knowing smirk.

“C’mon, nosy. We spent a good few hours putting this room together for you.”

Cheeks heating slightly at being called out, you picked up the pace, beat-up sneakers padding against the wooden floor as you followed the large harpy, observing his feathers, most of them being long, a shade of honey brown fading into a warm blonde, shining under the light, shifting into different shades when you changed the angle you were looking at them from. The shorter feathers looked fluffier like they were just growing in.

You saw a pin feather on his right wing, sandwiched between other feathers.

Unable to resist the temptation, you reached for it, fingers gently enclosing on the crackly, thin casing around the feather, pulling, only for his wings to twitch as he whirled, startling both of you, as you held what had been of the pin feather in your hand.

Both of you stood still for a moment before he must’ve realized what happened, letting out a huff of laughter with an amused sigh. His hand reached out, giving you a little pat on the head.

“Thanks, kid. Just ask next time, yeah? My wings are sensitive.”

He said, and you nodded, shock wearing off right as a voice came from down the hallway.

“Everything alright?”

Sounded like John.

“Yup, just having a grooming session.”

Kyle called back, chuckling to himself as he led the way to a doorway, opening the door to reveal a decent-sized room with a bed, a dresser, and a little desk across from the bed. The walls were a light purple. The floor was wood, with a small circular fuzzy carpet in the room.

It looked comfortable.

Kyle stepped out of the way, gesturing for you to enter your room, and you hesitantly stepped in, eyes scanning every square inch. There was a window to the right of your bed, locked, probably.

After it passed whatever mental test you’d conjured up, you walked over to the bed, nose wrinkling in mild distaste at how the bed was set. The blankets were tucked tightly into the mattress, so you yanked them out, before taking the pillow, putting it on the floor, and kicking the absolute life out of it for a few minutes until it was placed back onto the bed.

You then proceeded to plop into the mess of blankets and sheets, pulling the blanket up over you. It was soft and fluffy but not fuzzy.

“She’s nesting-!”

You heard a voice squeak from the entryway, only to see Johnny grinning like a maniac, pushing Kyle out of the way to see into the room. John was behind him, giving an unimpressed flat stare to the excited Scottish man, and Simon was looming behind Kyle, tall enough to see over his wings.

“Humans don’t nest, Soap.”

Kyle said flatly, and Johnny threw him a glare.

“Well, she’s doing whatever the human equivalent to nesting is.”

He retorted, and Simon gave him a look that said he thought he was brain-dead.

“Making the bed?”

He said, and Johnny huffed, getting into it with Simon while you watched from your bed, listening to them argue, until you got sick of it and pulled the blanket over your head, hiding under it.

“How ain’t that nesting—?”

“I make my bed every mornin’. Don’t mean I’m nesting.”

“Can it, both of you.”

They both shut up after the verbal admonishment, John sighing, and a moment later a man approached the bed slowly, making sure you could hear the wood creaking beneath his feet. He didn’t want to surprise you. You made your mental bets between which one it was.

Johnny’s head popped up from under the blanket a few moments later.

“John says I’m not being very hospitable,”

He said, as if he was whining to you, giving a loud, dramatic sigh that you heard John, who seemed to be walking down the hallway now, grumble at. It almost made you laugh, and he must’ve seen the smile pulling at your lips because he grinned big and wide. Only his head remained under the blanket, the rest of his body kneeling beside the bed.

“How about we play a game, hm? Help ya learn the house a lil while Price and Gaz make dinner.”

You paused, before nodding. The house didn’t have too complicated of a layout, you thought. You’d seen what looked like a second floor, maybe there was a basement.

A hand slid under the blanket, calloused and rough, and you promptly ignored it, simply sliding the blanket off. You weren’t there yet, not with any of them. It would take a good while before you started willingly touching.

“How about…tag?”

You shook your head almost immediately at that one, and once he really thought about it, it made sense. No child would want to be chased around by a big hybrid in a place they don’t know.

“Hide n’ seek?”

You didn’t say anything at first, until nodding.

“You wanna hide or seek first?”

“Hide.”

Hiding was essentially the only part you were good at. You didn’t have the nose to sniff out hiders, but you did have plenty of practice hiding, for various reasons. Being a human wasn’t the easiest. You were prey, essentially, easy to be picked off when alone or vulnerable.

Johnny’s big hand tugged the blankets off, getting up off of his knees, gesturing to the doorway where Simon loomed, sharp eyes watching the werewolf, a slight narrowing of them when they both exchanged gazes, silently communicating.

Johnny turned to face the wall once you both got out into the hallway, the door clicking quietly shut while Simon watched.

“I’m gonna start counting, I’ll give ye a good…20, how’s that?”

He asked with a grin, and you nodded. You didn’t know this house other than the hallway, your room, and the main living room in the front, but you were determined to find a good hiding spot. It might’ve been years since you last played hide and seek with someone his age, but you were competitive.

“20, 19….”

You bolted.

Down the hallway, taking a right, seeing a staircase. You decided to go up.

“18, 17…”

A mini-hallway up the stairs. You took your hoodie off as quickly as possible, opening a door and randomly throwing it inside. The scent would probably throw him off.

“16, 15…”

You slid down the stairs, running down the same hallway, taking another turn, moving past the kitchen where John was stirring a pot and Kyle was cutting vegetables. They raised a brow but didn’t comment as you pulled one shoe off, tossing it around a corner.

“14, 13, 12…”

He was speeding up, the cheat.

You took the other shoe off, finding another door to open, this time being a closet, before throwing it in and shutting the door behind you.

“11, 10, 9…”

With three different things to throw the freakishly good nose most werewolves had off, you figured it was time to find a hiding spot. He was in the single digits now.

“8, 7, 6….”

You rounded a corner, finding a door with a different style handle than the others. It was golden and round, older, while the others were silver and slim. You opened it and were met with darkness and a staircase.

You hesitantly descended, the light switch not working.

“5, 4…”

You needed to find a spot. Now.

The scent of laundry detergents hit your nose when you finally reached the bottom, daylight from a small basement window providing the bare minimum of light to let you see. To the right of the stairs, there was a thin little room that was a laundry room.

All the scents would surely mask yours well, too.

“3, 2, 1…”

You heard his muffled voice grow more excited when he was finally close to being able to start his hunt.

You found a shelf next to the wall with a little crawl space underneath the different cleaners it was holding. Flattening your body to the floor, you squirmed under, struggling to breathe for the first few moments until you adjusted.

“Ready or not, here I come!”

He called out, and you heard the creaking of the floorboards under his feet as he stomped around the house, John calling something out you couldn’t hear from down here.

As your eyes adjusted to the darkness, you suddenly noticed a giant spider and her web only a foot from you. Your skin was suddenly crawling, your imagination running wild, and you heard doors opening and closing upstairs.

The first one.

The second.

The third, he must be getting close.

He’d gone through all your distractions. You heard his heavy panting from here, heard the footsteps coming down the rickety old stairs.

He didn’t even try to flick on the switch.

He wouldn’t have to, not with his built-in night vision. The huffing grew louder as you heard his mutt-like sniffing, deep and full. Your skin began to crawl for a different reason, limbs tensing unconsciously.

He was a predator. He had teeth that could shred you within seconds, claws that could rip you open. And then you weren’t under the shelf anymore.

The scent of wet hay and animals surrounded you as the itchy sawdust rubbed at your skin, leaving it red and irritated.

You heard him before your eyes adjusted enough to see him. The furry form, at least three times bigger than your small body, claws dragging against the walls of the wood, teeth gleaming in the full moonlight.

He wasn’t just finding you, he was enjoying this.

Enjoying being able to sniff out your terror, the scent of it soaking through your clothes without you even knowing.

He paused.

The hay crunched beneath his feet as he shifted, taking a deep whiff of the air, a sound coming out of him resembling a crow’s raspy caw, except it sounded like an imitation of laughter coming from his maw.

The hay crunched again. Closer.

You held your breath, silent tears rolling down your cheeks.

A tail swept by, as if he’d somehow not seen you, but then—

“Rah!”

The familiar Scottish lilt to his voice felt all too comforting compared to what you’d just remembered moments earlier. You think you screamed. Your mouth had opened, you just hadn’t heard the noise coming out.

You tried to make sense of it.

Key word, tried.

He must’ve seen how you sniffled, body shaking slightly and breathing unsteady. He noticed. His hand swiped the large spider, which had been crawling ever close while you hadn’t even noticed, away, his other hand going to lift the shelf for you to get out.

“Jus’ a spider, nothin’ to worry about.”

He mumbled with a small chuckle, watching as you scrambled out from under the old shelf, walking over to the stairs without even needing him to lead you around. It seemed you were eager to get out of the dark.

He didn’t blame you.

The stairs creaked behind you as he headed up, swiping some dust that clung to your hair and clothes still. When you opened the basement door after fumbling for the handle for a moment, you were greeted with your shoes and jacket right near the entrance.

“Clever trick ye pulled, never had such a wee little bairn pull ‘at on me.”

He said with a warm chuckle. At least you’d tricked him a little bit. Even if he’d still found you depressingly fast.

You stepped into your shoes, shifting around until your feet were in properly, picking your jacket up and carrying it with you as you stepped to the side, meaning to let Johnny through, only for your back to hit a warm body as you let out a noise of surprise, whipping your body around as you flinched and jumped nearly a foot back.

It was Simon, who didn’t react much, other than a subtle tilt of his head. His eyes narrowed as he looked you over, looking as if he knew something was off.

Johnny raised a brow at the silent staring contest between you and the wraith, shutting the basement door behind him as Gaz’s voice called for them.

“Dinner!”

Simon gave you one last glance, before turning and walking to the table. Johnny flashed you a sympathetic grin.

“Don’ be scared of the brute, he’s really a sweetie underneath it all, just gotta get used to ye is all.”

He said, a bit quieter as if not wanting Simon to overhear. You watched him walk away, having a feeling he heard every word, and that he heard a lot more than he let on.

Johnny tried to place a hand on your back which you jerked away from, murmuring an apology as you followed him to the kitchen. The game of hide and seek helped you learn the layout of the house, but it would still take a while to fully memorize.

The smell of something delicious, namely potatoes and some form of meat and barbecue, reached your nose as Kyle pulled a chair out for you, setting his hat on the seat to your right to claim it, Johnny sitting across from you. Simon’s seat was on one end of the table, and you assumed Price’s seat was on the other end.

It was some form of pot roast, you quickly learned, bowls being passed around the table with napkins and silverware. A glass full of water was put near your plate. The rest of them settled for tea except Johnny. Kyle put a spoonful of sugar and a small container of cream in his tea, mixing it neatly in. Simon drank the tea black. John put half a container of cream in, mixing it in and taking a long drink.

Johnny settled for a can of orange soda the others called ‘pop’.

John put his hands together, bowing his head and closing his eyes in a gesture of prayer. Simon didn’t. Johnny poorly mimicked John, clearly more interested in his food. Kyle mumbled something under his breath on his own, digging into his food right after.

You’d been in houses with religion before. It wasn’t as surprising as it had been at first, with the different concepts of prayer and gods and everything that came with it. You just didn’t know exactly what to do.

You looked around the table, John praying, Kyle eating quickly but nearly, and Johnny quickly mumbling under his breath. Simon was the only one eating slowly, taking his time. Probably because of the scar that ran over his lips, leaving a bit of his canine exposed.

He didn’t get the chance to eat fast.

You accidentally locked eyes with him, unsure of what to do. It felt rude to stare, but you couldn’t just back down from the silent challenge in his brown eyes, seeming to dare you to keep looking, assuming you wouldn’t.

He’d watched your eyes dart around, a look he’d seen too many times before. You didn’t know what to do.

He paused, still not breaking eye contact as he slowly blinked, scarred fingers closing around his glass as he raised it to meet halfway between you two. It took you a few seconds to realize what he was doing, brows furrowed in confusion before releasing with realization as you picked your glass up, lifting it to clink against his.

The sound brought both Johns out of their prayers, John chuckling as he raised his glass, Johnny and Kyle soon to follow.

“To our new little bugger.”

Simon muttered, brown eyes glittering with mirth as he glanced down at you, lips twitching almost up.

And as the rest of them filled the space with chatter and words, you thought that maybe, even if it wasn’t always easy or comfortable at first, you could be happy here.

Maybe.

Next —>

Tags:

@thriving-n-jiving

@simonrileysown

@theartgremlin2 

@theartgremlin

[crystlizabeth]

What happens in Mexico stays in Mexico‧₊˚.

Johnny ‘Soap’ McTavish x Garrick!blkfem!reader

Summery: After getting the HQ back LV and 141 decide to go out and party and get some drinks little dose Johnny know the girl he’s been eyeing all night is Gaz little sister. Oops!

Warnings: flirting, making out, suggestive, drinking, me trying to write a Brit accent! Not proofread!

Fuck she was fine that’s all Johnny could think as he kept watching you, across the bar with some friends. Simon and Rudy telling him just to go talk to you that worse could happen is you tell him off.

“No fuckin’ way look at her she’s gorgeous!” Soap laughed when Alejandro joined in.

“Common hermano, when was the last time you got laid?” Ruby asked.

Johnny choked a laugh it been a minute but that just because work got in the way “you all act like I get no pussy!”

The three boys laughed, “mon Johnny go talk to the gal, because she keeps looking over here.” Ghost said drinking on his whisky.

“No fucking way actually.” His head whipped twords you and you where.

She had been looking over her shoulder giving him a toothy grin, turning her back to him her friend’s giggling as they talked to her. Her back turned to him he got a good view of her back her back dimples pierced a nice tattoo sitting on her back right shoulder, she wore some short shorts low rise maybe couldn’t tell and he could see the pink swim bottoms she wore the ties hanging out the sides her braids covering her top but but it was a white tank with the matching pink top. Okay yeah but he needed to finish this because that malt liquor was gonna give him the confidence he needed.

“Ima do it.” Johnny said standing up.

Ale and Rudy cheered him on as Simon laughed at the Scott. He had finally gotten to her, she had turned in her seat and he lost his words fuck she is “Wow..”

She let out a laugh “yeah? Ya like what ya see whit boy?” She smiled at him.

She was not from here that for sure, English girl huh.

“Yeah— sorry! I could help but notice ya starin’ gorgeous.” He chuckled.

“Im Johnny!”

“(name)! Lovely meeting you Johnny.” She smiled giving her friend a look having her move as she offered the seat to him.

“Whatcha drinking?” He asked.

“Malibu Sunset..” she laughed lightly, he laughed lightly with her.

“Cant take your liquor?” He joked.

She let her hand come to her chest acting offended “please I’m a big girl just don’t like the taste of it.”

He nodded ordering him and her a drink, she was even better up close her dark skin looked so good in the Mexico sunset as the outside bar lights hit her skin aswell, her gold hoop nose ring sitting pretty on her nose.

“Where ya from Johnny?” She asked taking as drink.

“From St. Andrews but currently living in the outskirts of London, what about you?”

Turns out you were also from London, maybe this wouldn’t just be a one night thing..

The two continued flirting with one another, them finally close to one another their knees touching. She let her hands run down his arms looking at him through her eye lashes. “Hope ya don’t got a girlfriend Johnny—thinking I’m wanting wantin’ ya to myself.” She hummed her tongue licking her bottom lip.

That made the blood rush to his cock, “luckily for both of us I don’t.” He chuckled.

He could smell the alcohol in her breath, the coconut Malibu lingering on her tongue.. he wanted to taste her. He let his hand touch her thigh squeezing it lightly.

“I think you need a soda.” He said tilting his head.

“Not even.. I could do one more sunset..” her hand grabbed the collar of his t-shirt pulling him in close.

“Wanna go for a swim.” She spoke her hot breath hitting his ear.

They was a women he had only knows for 45 minutes had him wrapped around her finger so he got up with her, his eyes looking back at the three men who only laughed Rudy giving him a thumbs up.

Johnny pulled his shirt Ofer his head taking his shoes off putting his socks in them taking his wallet and putting it in his shoe aswell, lookin up he sw her in just her swimsuit no shorts or tank and “Steaming Jesus..”

“Don’t keep me waiting, they’ll watch your stuff.” She said pointing at her friend who sat on the pool side.

Her hand reached out to his the cold water causing goosebumps on his skin, she brought him him closer placing his hands on her hips. Pulling him in deeper her face was close to his the whole time soon he felt his back hit a wall. “You can sit here is it alright if I’m on your lap?” She asked her voice all innocent as her fingers trailed up his biceps.

He nodded feeling her legs lift up placing themselves on either side of him now she was in his lap, he left his hands travel a bit lower his thumb playing with the stringed bikini bottoms his fingers grazing the curve of her ass. The water moved around them the music and all the people in the bar being heard in the background.

“This a’right lass?” He spoke feeling her lips grazes his.

His liquor finally starting to make things feel slower. He felt her lips finally touch his kissing him, Johnny let his hands grip her ass pushing her closer to him as they made out in the pool. Neither of them caring about all the people around.

Soap knows is he could have her right now he would. She tasted sickly of Malibu, not that he hated the coconut rum but fuck it tasted good off her tongue. He could feel her nails digging into his neck as they made out her soft moans heard only to him. He wanted her bad, he started to feel himself get hard all it took was one pluse and he could feel her grin through the kiss.

“Whats got you all hot n bothered Johnny boy?” She teased placing herself right on his erection. This made him have to take a deep breath his eyes shutting harshly.

She let her hips move slowly on his cock as their lips continued to move in sync with one another.

“(Name)!” A male voice could be heard, johnnys only thought was fuck hope it’s not a boyfriend. Which is a bad thing to think but common.

She looked up and so did Johnny “Kyle?!” She yelled, her body not moving off Johnny.

“What the fuck are you doing in Mexico? Aren’t you supposed to be in your fall tri not making out with some ass!” He yelled.

Then his eyes fell on Johnny and the way price and Ghots stood behind him holding in there laughter “No fucking way. You’re actually fucking me right now Johnny.”

“You know him!” She interrupted before soap could answer.

“Yeah I Fouking work with him.” Kyle yelled.

“Wait how do ya know eachother.”

“That’s my Little sister Johnny!” Kyle said moving over twords them Kyle reaching down pulling her up off him.

“Get off me ya ass! I’m grown and I can do what I please what the fuck are ya doin in Mexico huh?” She asked covering her chest looking up at her older brother.

“Working lets go grap ya shit!” Kyle said.

“Fuck off kyle ya not the boss of meh.” She sassed grabbing her sorts and tank.

“Lets go.” He said grabbing her arm lightly, “I’ll deal with ya later and your stiffi.” Kyle glared at soap, Johnny looked between the two she had stupid grin on her face as her eyes made eye contact wit Johnny.

Kyle grabbed her she turned her body a bit putting her hand up to her ear like a phone mouthing ‘call me’ giving Johnny a cheeky grin as he got out the pool.

He looked over at the four still there “no fuckin way that just happened.” Johnny said absolutely speechless.

“Well hermano what happens in Mexico stays in Mexico let’s just hope your friend Gaz doesn’t kill you on Mexican soil.” Alejandro laughs slapping Johnnys back.

“Ya almost fucked Kyles sister, shit.. I hope to see ya in the morning.” Price said laughing a bit as Johnny starting putting on his clothes.

Ghost had stayed behind with him as the others walked out, when picking up his phone he saw a pice of paper under it. ‘Here’s my number! Hope to hear from ya!’ Is read with digits and her name and last. Opening his phone he was some pictures little selfies of her with her cleavage nice and out must had taken them when he went back to the guys real fast to grab his wallet. 

Yeah he’ll be calling her see you at thanksgiving Kyle

.˚₊‧ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ‧₊˚.

A/n: part 2? because this seems like it needs a part to maybe

[nanabrainrot]

can i please request jealousy hcs for joe from "you were never really here"? i haven't been normal about this man for a day in my life and i don't plan to start either✊😔 love your work, mwah

YESSS I rewatched n I was like “this man def fucks u over the sink when ur coming out for ur midnight piss” like hes plaguing me.

Jealousy and Joe Headcanons

(the V TAPER IN THIS PIC IM SLIDING DOWN THE WALLLLL)

He’s so silent treatment coded.

He knows the kind of attention that’s inevitable when you have a pretty girl, even worse when they’re sociable and friendly - the man cannot hold a conversation like a normal person unlike you (because he just isn’t a normal person).

It’s so hard for him to understand that you’re just nice without ulterior motives, but he isn’t confident that others have good intentions. His line of work keeps that in the back of his head. He can’t separate the cruelty of humanity with the kindness he only sees in you.

The last thing he wants is for you to see him be aggressive. He would rather bite his tongue in every instance to avoid confrontation. When he considers getting involved he just… looms.

The way your eyes gravitate to behind who you’re talking to and they meet Joe hovering over you two usually makes them greet him nervously, they can tell you two are close by the way you smile at him all tender.

He’s silent there and he’s silent at home. It’s just who he is; brewing on what he wants to say and not wanting to say it unless it’s perfectly phrased. It never is.

So he looms in the kitchen quiet, only grunting in affirmation or rejection. You notice that but remain quiet and tread carefully to brighten his mood; you really love the conversation with people in passing. They don’t mean anything just because your pals happen to be men here and there. He just can’t quit the thought that every man wants you as lewdly as he does. Every man must want you and eat you with his eyes.

Silent brushing your teeth, silent in the shower, silent crawling into bed. He turns his back to you. Brooding all boyish despite the age in his face screaming man.

You reach out, tracing the tattoo on him: a perfect circle. He tenses, breath hitching.

You coo, a breath beneath the hum of the fan and the re-run of I Love Lucy playing for white noise: “You’re the only man I love Joey baby.”

It’s 2am when he’s presses that warm kiss to your forehead and his muscles relax. He hums an apology into your hair. You don’t need to overcomplicate the way you say it. Just let him huff in that moment.

RAAAA I need to watch some more joaquin I rewatched gladiator im gonna write sum commodus but phoenix babies come hither hes back up hes so up rn

[rowaelinsdaughter]

KEEP MY HEART CHAPTER II

a/n;; chapter 2 is here!!! hope you like this as much as im doing.

WARNING;; spoilers for heir of fire, manon and ayla are possessive over each other (i love this)

ayla hated the ferian gap.

 there was something wicked, cruel, rotten there. and she hated the amount of people reunited there. well, the amount of witches there. the blackbeak coven was the last one to arrive, and as a result, they were given the smallest rooms. not that she complained about that, she was going to sleep with manon, but the matron had made it clear that she wasn't going to ride a wyvern. it was too dangerous for her to participate, she had claimed, because the matron didn't want her to die. her precious treasure.

she had watched as manon gave three blows to her second due to a fight with a yellowleg sentinel. one to the gut, one to the ribs and the final one to the face. asterin hadn’t screamed or pleaded for manon to stop, and now, at breakfast, her second gave her a fierce grin. a small smile appeared in ayla’s face, and she felt manon’s hand grab her tight. a warning, but she took the hand placed in her tight, careful that no one notices it. 

she was wearing a dress. one that manon had bought her and had claimed it was her favorite. long sleeves that helped hide her hands, a cut on the skirt that showed her leg, a corset and high boots. she had entered the room with manon’s hand around her waist, making clear to the witches gathered there that ayla was manon’s, and the scent lingered with manon’s made clear that manon was ayla’s. no one would dare to look at her with the white demon at her side. 

but someone was watching her. 

she studied the room and found her… iskra yellowlegs. the leader of the centinel that had fought with asterin. her eyes narrowed as iskra looked at her from head to toes. assessing her next prey. manon noticed her body was tense. “what’s happening?” she whispered so anyone couldn’t hear. she didn’t answer. so manon followed the direction of her eyes and found her. she gripped the table. crack. the table was breaking under her strength. iskra gave manon a defiant smile. come on, come for me. 

she was going to kill her. ayla gripped her arm before she could stand. “manon stop. it's going to be worse if you start a fight with her”

manon looked at her, her eyes a burning gold that promised blood. ayla took her hand. “please, manon”

one, two, three, four… a minute passed until she relaxed enough to talk. “if she tries something to you or even breath near you, i kill her”

ayla rolled her eyes “you know i can defend myself, do you?”

“i know, but i don't like her”

“me neither manon. me neither”

✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮

even though ayla wasn't going to ride a wyvern, she had to follow manon wherever she went, so she and the thirteen could keep an eye on her. direct order from the matron.  

again, manon’s hand was on her waist as yellowlegs and blackbeaks stepped aside for them to pass. fifty witches were gathered at the hole in the side of the mountain. the matron was at the entrance of the bridge, the blueblood and yellowlegs matrons at her side. 

manon walked towards her grandmother leaving ayla with the thirteen. each heiress was at the side of her matrons. petrah, the heir of the blueblood, and iskra, the yellowlegs heir, was grinning at manon as she approached her grandmother. 

“now that we’re assembled,” the blueblood matron—cresseida—said, “shall we show you what we’ve been brought here to do?”

mother blackbeak waved a hand to the bridge, black robes billowing in the icy wind. “we walk into the sky, witches.” 

they were led to an atrium in the northern fang, where five men were waiting. each heir was behind their respective matron, protecting them. a men started to explain what they were going to do and what they were doing there. 

ayla was getting bored when the iron gate lifted. and in front of them, a wyvern appeared. a beast. she watched as everyone held their breath. “titus is one of our best,” the man said. he started to explain the characteristics of titus.  

and she watched as manon and titus shared a smile.

all rights reserved to ©rowaelinsdaughter. no tranlations allowed. no copy theme. don not copy my work.

tagging;; @thehighladywrites @danikamariewrites @hellwantfuckme

[morgan-the-lonely-brick]

Hiii~~ coming onto this blog to do Terror propaganda. Follow my terror sideblog @leadandblood , this is just my main. That said:

Welcome to The Terror (2018)!

Here are things that I love about the first season that might convince you to watch it too (without spoilers)

The fandom is absolutely amazing!!!! I have never had such wonderful comments and tags under posts. And they're all really talented and just wonderful

Gay love.

So much gay love oh my god everyone is gay-

Heck, there's even straight love if you're into that

Old men <3

Absolute angels and absolute demons, that are SO fun to watch

The show knows it's characters incredibly well

They are well developed and act believably in all instances i can think of

If what they do doesn't make sense in the moment it's gonna later

"Here's a guy. Now lets find out how many fucked up things can happen to him before he goes insane or khs"

Representation! Gays, amputees and POC

The main main cast is mostly white men but when there's someone else it has significance to the story or bears a deeper meaning

The visuals are stunning

Amazing camera work

The sound design!!!! Oh my god!!! It's so gooood!!!

Insane paralels game. You won't even notice some of them, but they make sense once you do

The love and care that went into this show is incredible

Very rewarding upon rewatch - different views on scenes and characters and such

You will be finding new details for several rewatches (im on my 6th and still finding stuff)

THE ACTING OH MY GOD THE ACTING

Jared Harris - and his insane ability to portray any combination of emotions with one expression

Tobias Menzies and his goddamn microexpressions

Just to name a few, but honestly they're all amazing

They're also very nice to look at

Prepare to get hurt in the most creative ways possible - it KNOWS how to hurt you and it's... Kinda satisfying

Whump galore!! Emotional and physical. Comfort and no comfort. Just take your pick

It's finished, so they can't fuck it up anymore lmao

The sheer horror of being stuck in the arctic with little to no food and everything wanting to kill you /pos

Things that might turn you away

The sheer horror of being stuck in the arctic with little to no food and everything wanting to kill you /neg

Racist characters. it's the 1800s :///

Death. Oh god there's so much death

Oh you have a favourite character? Well, he dies :/

It is a tragedy through and through.

When you think it can't get any worse, yes it can

So many side characters that you'll be learning their names for the next few days to come

They're 95% white men that look the same when you start out

Bad things happen to animals :(

There's quite a lot of gore... Open skulls, deep wounds, amputation, disease, burning to death, mauling, i could go on

At one point alcoholism and suicide

There will be poems

Overall just a really really great show, i am in love with it

[aspiringwriter1111]

Hallmark PSA

I know since it's coming on the holiday season, I'm going to start seeing a lot of Hallmark slander.

But here's a little known fact.

Hallmark is actually really really good.

WAIT WAIT DON'T LEAVE-

Let me explain!

The movies people usually associate Hallmark with are the "old" ones (2020 and back). I bet after seeing how cliche and unhealthy they were, you didn't see a reason to watch them again after that, am I right??

But you knew them well enough to know they weren't worth your time and sanity.

Girl in a high stress job goes to small town, learns the meaning of Christmas, and then cheats on her also stressed out boyfriend back in the city with a hot cocoa making stubbly kind of rude lumberjack man then quits her job and moves to Vermont or something.

Yeah, they don't do those anymore.

At all.

I'm serious.

A part of it is that there was a purge. A year or two ago, there was a new Christmas movie company in town. All the actors that didn't like the forward direction Hallmark wanted to go in, left and joined GAC.

(Great American Family, or as I like to call it GACK. The movies are exclusively awful old Hallmark style, but Republican, badly decorated, very white, and also much worse.)

GAC took all the problems away from Hallmark, and made movies out of them. Hallmark, now cleansed, is pumping out cinematic greats that I WILL be rewatching every Christmas.

The whole of Hallmark was Recast, save for the best of the best fan favorites (Like Lacey Chaubert-)

They have plus sized actors now and people of color, cast as main characters on a regular basis.

Half of the movies aren't even romance centric anymore, instead focused on life, and moving forward, but when they are, they're really well done, and actually healthy.

If you know me (which you don't), then you'll know I hate unhealthy relationships. Especially when they're treated like they're okay. I will pick apart ANYTHING over toxicity in a relationship, wherever that might come from.

I used to hate Hallmark movies, because they were predictable, unrealistic, flawed, and toxic.

But now the characters talk with each other, and they don't get in the others space without permission. If there's an accident and it does happen, it's not used as a plot device to move the relationship along. It's not treated in a "OMG hot guy is literally right in my face!!! I've only known him two minutes and I hate him, I'm in love!!"

It's more of an, "OMG I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to do that at all, im so sorry, I'm so sorry- *Immediately backs away*"

I can't even begin to explain how much better they are now.

To further prove my point, here are some gifs of Three Wise Men and a Baby, one of my favorite Christmas movies ever:

Just listen to this one.

It's about three brothers, one of which is a firefighter (this is important). A baby gets dropped off at the fire station, with a note. The firefighters name is on it, asking him to look after the baby until Christmas.

This is not his baby.

This IS a joke throughout the entire film.

They have no idea who dropped him off.

So they end up taking care of him for a week, and seriously bonding with him. The make his first Christmas ornament with clay, they do a holiday photo dressed to the nines.

They talk about how hard it is to actually take care of a baby, and how hard it must have been for their mom doing it alone.

Talking about how their own dad left, and finally processing that trauma together.

Their mom confesses that if she didn't have support, she may have done what the babies mother did. How she must be going through such a rough patch, and building empathy for her.

All three of the brothers go on complete cathartic emotional journeys about it, and all the other issues in their life.

I can't do it justice.

It's called Three Wise Men and A Baby. I'm begging you please go watch it, you will NOT regret it.

I CRIED SO MANY TIMES YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

I'm tearing up now just thinking about it oh my gOD-

The ending just sent it home for me, so I won't spoil anything.

Its amazing. I can't explain the whole thing, I seriously beg you please go watch it.

And, if you're more into comedy, I present to you Haul out The Holly:

A Christmas comedy starring your very own Gretchen Weiners!! Abso-fucking-lutley HILARIOUS.

It's about a woman, just broken up with her boyfriend, and coaxed into going home for the holidays. Here's where it gets interesting.

Her parents are the head of the Christmas neighborhood watch, something that has plagued her since childhood. Her childhood friend has now taken over the position, as her parent ditch her for retirement on a beach someplace, and she's left stuck, having to decorate against her will.

She wants a nap. The neighbors want her to carve ice sculptures. And her nutcracker apparently isn't up to code.

Includes: Girlboss and male wife power duo (madly in love), insane chainsaw man with way too much time on his hands, the ML an anxious wreck, and many, many, MANY MORE.

Another recent movie was built around a woman who is an astronaut (She's mixed) who was about to finally go to space (The goal shes been working on her entire life) She got into a car accident and her eyesight was impaired. She's currently grieving the loss of her dream (like, actually grieving, she took three months off-).

Her company asks her if she wants to do an exhibit in the planetarium for Christmas, that she doesn't have to, but she can if she wants to take her minds off of things. She says yes, and ends up working with the planetarium director on an exhibit about the sun and it's connection to Christmas through how people used to celebrate with the sun (I don't remember exactly, but it was explained thoroughly, and i think pagan???)

She and him don't constantly argue, or be angry at each other. They cooperate. They show genuine interest in each other. It's actually adorable, and it's also not just about them.

She meets his daughter, who is a wheelchair user. She asks why the Female lead isn't in space if she's an astronaut, and the FL tell her it's because of her eyes. The daughter tells her it's okay, because she'll never be able to go to space either, even if she wants to, but she can still enjoy it from Earth.

I'm not even doing it justice.

By the end of the movie, the FLs eye problem doesn't heal. Nothing is miraculously solved. But the ML and the FL are now dating (After the best, slow paced, healthy, communicative, collaborative bonding freaking ever-) ALL OF THE CHARACTERS HAVE FULL BLOWN EMOTIONAL JOURNEYS THAT ACTUALLY MATTER.

SHE GRIEVES.

HER BROTHER FINALLY FIGURES OUT ITS OKAY FOR HIM TO DO WHAT HE LOVES, AND THAT HE'S NOT A FAILURE FOR IT.

THE ML LET'S GO OF THINKING HES A BAD PARENT.

AND MORE.

There are soft bits, nothing is cliche, nothing is icky or gross.

It's healthy, it's cute, it's emotionally driven, I'm actually learning about things I didn't know before, and amazing.

And all the new ones are either like this or better than this. I could name over ten, but I can't even explain how good they are.

Some of the are still a little dark ages, but it's only every one out of six or seven.

Hallmark movies from 2022 and onwards are 5 star television, and you can't convince me otherwise.

[superultratinymode]

About the state of America… I’ve been thinking about some things from my past. This will not be easy to read, and I don’t really know how to trigger tag this besides mentioning that this is about abortion and women’s healthcare, why conservatives oppose it, and the deaths that follow. There is one line that alludes to rape culture (I’m bad at formatting on tumblr because I’ve never written a lot here before so this may look like shit.)

I’m a white person from a red state. Naturally, I was taught everything there was to know about hating literally everyone (except white men)

That means I was conditioned to hate women, as a young girl myself. Honestly, there’s few things worse than being brainwashed as a girl by misogynistic women.

And this leads to my households opinions on being pro-life. Yeah I was pro-life once, unfortunately, even though personally I’ve always thought pregnancy is the most horrifying thing ever. (I still do. That’s why I’m scared, lately, in terms of myself. The line between paranoia and reality is getting kind of thin)

I had to listen to these peoples takes on why fetuses deserved life more than women with families do. And I had to eat it up if I wanted to make it to heaven.

My stepmom got kind of weird with it. She was watching a video of fetal development in the womb, and compared it to “a little dolphin” and was smitten by.. the weird ass sounds it emitted in the video? I think about that a lot, lately, because that is like the most unhinged shit I’ve had to see. That’s not a fucking baby, man, that’s cells. Every time I think about this nowadays, it disgusts me so badly.

At some point I developed the mentality, “Of course a woman should give her life for her child. She got to live her life already, and the child didn’t. She shouldn’t be selfish.”

Which is like a freaking insane thing to think. I was never taught to show compassion towards a woman. If she chose to have sex, then she deserved the punishment is what I was taught. She should have dressed modestly.

But women should not HAVE to cut their lives SHORT. Pregnancy shouldn’t have to be the end of a woman’s life. Because doesn’t that just imply that that’s her duty? To have children, to be subservient for as long as she can after that if she even gets the chance, and then to fucking die?

But it was framed as the right thing for a woman to do. Be a hero, save the child above all else.

I heard a story. I don’t even remember if it was true or if it was a hypothetical. I don’t remember much anymore so I’m sorry, but I do remember how much this story was glorified in my house at the time.

My stepmom said that there was this one woman who was carrying a baby that would not survive. Apparently this woman was told to abort the baby by many people, because the baby would just suffer for the few minutes it would have to live.

But it’s the woman’s choice, ultimately. I am pro-choice now, I should mention.

And what did she choose? Not to abort. Which is fine, because it was her decision.

But I remember how they treated the birth of this baby like such a glorious thing. How she gave birth to it because it was the morally righteous thing to do, and it just… died. This apparently made god happier than the alternative, which was… honestly very similar in outcome?

Then why is birthing a baby that will die such a glorified thing? Maybe because if she chose to abort it, it would have been a woman’s choice. Which is suddenly murder.

Why is the now-legalized medical malpractice that allows women to die not considered murder?

Idk im just thinking a lot right now. I was going somewhere when I started writing this, but my foggy memory just threw me off my tracks. But the moral of the story is that conservatives are everywhere and also freaking religiously blinded to the point to where their agendas do not have consequences on real people. They do what they do to go to heaven and get rewarded in gods eyes for their “good behavior” and their “saving other people from sin”, which is actually just forced subjugation and conversion of non-christian people

Edit: TRIGGER WARNING FOR ABUSE I guess? Idk I never was able to fully comprehend this as abuse because I’ve always been told I’m a snowflake for not wanting kids to get whipped, but

I saw my stepmom and dad on a Facebook post. They’d taken a cheesy couple picture and put a frame that said “I AM PRO LIFE” or some shit. And this is the same couple that specifically crafted a wooden paddle to whip children with as punishment, and then would proceed to whip them again if they kept crying. Crazy shit. They were always too excited to use that thing. If you whip a child “spare the rod and spoil the child” style and just absolutely go crazy with it, I guess that’s the closest to god ordained abuse you can get, isn’t it?

[growandrecover]

hi,

im really scared bc im officially ✨overweight✨ and my ed has just been #triggered. any tips on how to avoid relapse?

Hey, anon.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I'm really proud of you for reaching out and actively trying to avoid relapse. That's wonderful.

First up, if you can, stop weighing yourself, measuring, body checking, or anything else you may be doing. Your weight does not say anything about you. Absolutely nothing. If you're concerned about your BMI specifically (which I know a lot of people with eds get caught up in), it's all a bunch of garbage. It was made based off of cis white men, and does not take muscle mass into consideration. Even if you happen to be a white amab person, it's still a joke. If you can't stop completely, try to limit what you're doing.

Next, please make sure you're eating all your meals and snacks. My therapist has told me to do this, and I'm passing along the information to you guys. If you have to, set a schedule for yourself and stick to it with the best of your ability.

If you're someone who used exercise to lose weight in the past/if you exercise currently, you may want to lay off that until you're in a better headspace. Going along with this, if you wear a Fitbit or Apple Watch of any kind, taking it off may help avoiding triggers like your daily step count, calories burned, and your other exercise levels. I wore one for almost a year and took it off a few months ago. Surprisingly enough, my quick dips back into some of my ed behaviors have stopped. I finally realized that those triggers sitting on my wrist 24/7 had been messing with my head.

If you're able to/not already, get an adequate amount of sleep. I think we all know what happens when we stay up too late, letting our minds wander into our ed thoughts in the middle of the night. Low levels of sleep interfere with our mental health, which, in times like these, needs to be extra nurtured.

Try to look at it from someone else's point of view. If someone you knew came to you with this exact problem, what would you say? Would you want them to be kind to their body, to fuel it, and to take care of it? Probably, right? Or if that's hard for you to say to yourself, wouldn't you just want them to be free of their eating disorder?

This is pretty harsh, but your ed is trying to hurt you. It's trying to kill you. Whatever it needs to say to get you to engage in those behaviors, it will. It'll tell you that you're not as [adjective of your choice] or [another adjective of your choice] when you weigh more than you have in the past, but that's simply not true. As I said earlier, your weight is just a number. You deserve recovery. You deserve happiness. You deserve a life free of food rules and that nasty voice in your head.

If you're scared, I'm here to tell you: your ed will not fix anything. Losing weight will not fix the idea of yourself you have in your head, and won't make you magically like your body more. It wants you to think it will, but it won't. It only makes your life worse.

Something that helps me is looking at recovery posts on Pinterest or Tumblr. I love being able to see other people's thoughts and encouragement. It always inspires me to keep going, and I hope it'll do the same for you, too.

Whatever it is that triggered you is not worth all the pain and suffering that comes with an ed. I don't care if it was something somebody said or just a thought you had. Nothing is worth going back to your ed.

You can do this. I believe in you.

I really hope this was at least a little bit helpful, and I hope you're okay, anon. If you're not right now, you will be.

If I missed something, or you need someone to talk to, feel free to send me a message! ♡

[wellthebardsdead]

The loved & the forgotten pt28

Part 27 here

———

Vivienne: *wrapped only in a sheet after waking to the commotion and his husbands both running out of the bedroom* c-can you at least move your leg?!

The lurker blocking the door: *groans and nudges him back into the manor with its leg*

Vivienne: *huffs and peers past it’s other one to see voryn and nerevar both step into view before the lurker suddenly stands aside, and Taliesin walks past it* l-love what’s going on out there? I-

Taliesin: *gently scoops him up bridal style* shhh, don’t worry yourself over it darling. Voryn and nerevar have this covered. *smiles reassuringly at him as he carries him back down the steps to their room*

Vivienne: don’t worry?? I woke up to the ground shaking, miraak shouting, mannimarco crying, and you and Kaidan running out of the house with your weapons drawn!! I watched inigo get flung past the door before the lurker blocked me from leaving! Please tell me what’s happened? I want to-

Taliesin: *lays him on the bed and unfurls the sheet as he leans down pressing his lips to his, his dark hair draping over the pillows and tangling with Vivienne’s soft white locks* Please darling… it’s our wedding night. We’ll talk about it in the morning once voryn and nerevar know what’s going on…

Vivienne: *face flushed staring up at his husband* you- you don’t know who attacked? It was an attack right-

Taliesin: *silences him with another kiss* no, I don’t know who they were. But voryn didn’t seem bothered by them, nor did nerevar. Please my love, don’t worry yourself over it…

Kaidan: *steps into the room wiping himself clean with a wet towel* Voryn and the guards are handling it now, they think it’s just a group of reavers that thought our place would be a good target. *tosses the towel aside and walks to the bed, smoothing his hand up Taliesins back and tucking his hair to the side as he reaches his neck, planting a soft kiss there before laying on the bed and giving vivienne a kiss too* are you alright love?…

Vivienne: *blinks hearing the tone to their voices and realising they’re both telling the truth* I… yes, just… just startled I think… *reaches up his hands gently pulling Taliesin down for another kiss before pulling Kaidan in for one too* I was scared it was something worse…

Kaidan: *smiles kissing his cheek* hey, no matter how bad it might be, I know we can take ‘em~

Taliesin: *chuckles and lays beside them both* don’t encourage him ro run into trouble again~

Vivienne: *pouts* I said I’d stop doing that… intentionally at least…

*meanwhile outside*

Miraak: *dismissing his lurkers and seekers before heading back inside after the others to comfort mannimarco knowing full well the state the high elfs still in*

Nerevar: *watching him go* should we ask him to keep some of those beasts active until we’re certain the stragglers are taken care of? *glances back at voryn as the remaining cultists are thrown before his feet*

Voryn: *face bearing a stoic expression as he stares down at the mer before him, his assassins forcing them to their knees and holding their heads back by their hair to face him* no need… *quietly sizes each one up before settling on the one in the middle and gesturing to his men, smirking slightly as they cut the throats of all the cultists minus them* judging by your armour and defiant disposition im inclined to believe you’re the one heading this operation, this, plan, to attack the home of my student and attempt to kidnap him? Rape him? Murder him? All because you believe him to be vivec? Correct?…

Cultist: *bloodied and bruised but glaring up at him with a defiant hatred in his eyes as he spits at him* how dare you speak to me whore! We came here to save him from you! From the bastard who dethroned our lord and claims himself king! We’ll return him to his rightful seat of power! The tribunal will rise again and we’ll dance on your corpses as we cut your faces of-

Nerevar: *watches his head roll away slowly after cutting it off* …

Voryn: … *nods to his assassins, dismissing them before walking to nerevars side and smiling as the Hortator pulls him into his arms by his waist* shhh. It’s alright my lo-

Nerevar: *cuts him off with a deep and strong kiss, pulling away only after he’s sure he’ll leave voryn breathless* I won’t allow anybody to speak of you like that…

Voryn: *panting softly and following after his lips as he pulls away from him* it’s fine love… I was more insulted of what he said of you… and more concerned on their intent towards vivienne… *glances over watching captain Veleth and his men clean up the bodies* captain, have your men found anything noteworthy on their bodies?

Captain Veleth: not yet my lord. I’ll inform you once we do. We’ll work to get this cleaned up before the morning.

Nerevar: *nods* thank you captain… *looks up at voryn before gently ushering him back to the councillors estate* what do we tell vivienne?…

Voryn: the truth… he’s still in danger.

[nervousron]

Chronological Lazlow Jones quotes and facts from Vice City, up to GTAV

22 year old radio intern Lazlow covers his eyes and hides in the corner when ladies enter the recording booth without their shirts

“Im 100% rebel. I got kicked out of school after the 12th grade, man” (for non-american readers, this would be university)

“Dont sell out. I never will”

“I am the master of darkness - that’s why my name’s Lazlow”

“Remember, Im going to be famous one day.”

Lazlow’s V-Rock Radio job application was sent in hand written calligraphy with a bouquet of flowers

Lazlow was in high school band

“I flunked school cuz im parkour”

He is pro gun and conservative

“How is that fair? I mean Im white, middle-class, very erudite -um, yknow, whatever that means- but people just respond badly to me, i don't understand it”

“-and you keep saying ‘im from the streets’, Yknow what dude? Everyone has a street in front of their house, that doesn't make you cool”

“Its kinda been a dream of mine to sleep with housewives…”

“I love your strap, you’re a great guy!”

Lazlow was tricked into joining the military briefly

Lazlow’s mom sent him to inversion and conversion therapy

“This is the west coast. I’m only into lesbians, man”

Lazlow breaking into tears when a caller continuously encourages Lazlow to shave his bush so his dick looks bigger

“Hanging upside down to sleep doesnt make you cool, or alternative. I know because I tried it”

A guy called in saying he moved from Hampshire and Lazlow told him his english was good and asked if it was hard getting used to the language

As of gta III Lazlow is married. As of IV he is divorced, balding, and has a mustache. His wife left him for his best friend after he brought home a heavily drugged woman for a threeway.

He used to look at his best friends dick when he was sleeping.

(About the Brittish)“I think they were speaking English before we were. I mean, the people here were speaking Cherokee and Shoshone.”

Lazlow gets upset when a man implies spanking kids is okay. He gets even more upset when he realizes the man doesn’t have kids and just wants to be spanked

“My father was strangely silent my whole childhood, which y’know, explains a lot”

“So you would MILK your grandmother like some kind of TEAR COW?”

Lazlow pushed a hotdog salesman’s head into a pot of boiled hot dog water and tried to drown him. This was a very cathartic experience for him.

“You stick your hand down a stripper's panties, yknow, and you discover a pair of balls. Well guess what baby? The bitch is back. But im not a bitch, Im a man. Uhh-”

Lazlow was regularly caught kissing men backstage at concerts in the 80s

Lazlow mentions its easier to spike women’s drinks with GHB in Liberty City than Vice City

“Go play sudoku and die peeing on yourself”

“You’re not my type. I prefer unconscious chicks or milfs with stretch marks”

Lazlow has tried blogging, being in porn, vinewood, working glory holes, and taking "facefulls of pills" to be happy.

“dude. Can you really not rub your junk and talk about schools. Dude. dude.”

“And you just wish that ONCE you could share a bed with someone who wouldnt get creeped out by the pictures of my ex wife on the nightstand”

“You can catch an STD! From a Him/Her!”

Lazlow bites strangers when he’s mad

“Im a RAGING heterosexual”

“There’s nothing wrong with that. Y’know, I’ve worn some panties. Its not weird if a chick asks you to do it. Then its hot”

He begs strangers on the street to watch him windmill his dick online.

“This mustache once got me laid. Yeah, Yeah.”

“Isnt there one where theres a cup and two girls…”

He accosts Fred Armisen in the street. Fred is somehow much worse than Lazlow.

“DUR DUR DUR text message. EL OH EL”

“You’ll NEVER get to experience the 80s”

“For once, Lazlow is not getting bummed. I’M doing the bumming”

in Episodes From Liberty City, Lazlow’s mother and step-father pay for his radio show and he lives in their home. He hates his step-dad and new step-sisters

“Im the g-spot of radio”

“I’m here to stay. Like the national debt. or syphilis.”

Lazlow’s brother is a tv producer

Lazlow promised $2 to a man to follow him down the street with a saxophone to set atmosphere for his radio show

“I’ve really gotta spread my scent right now. And by that, I mean pee”

Lazlow’s step-dad is a mortician

Lazlow is pro choice, but only because he doesnt want to be a hypocrite

Lazlow’s sister was supposedly kidnapped. He claims he did not personally murder her.

“Nicaragua. Which is a company that sells nicotine… water”

“Do have a second for gay rights?” “Okay, a second. Sometimes five minutes if I’m drunk and nobody’s looking”

Lazlow makes his intern follow him with a camera and pretend to be paparazzi. It backfires.

Lazlow got hairplugs some time between IV and V

Lazlow invented podcasting

“It’s not molesting if they’re ugly. Trust me, i’ve been doing it for years”

“Molesting is when they’re human and cant complain, or dont like peanut butter on their junk. Those sheep wouldnt have complained if they COULD have. They were loving it!”

Lazlow’s intern tells everyone at the gay bar that Laz wants to get railed by three guys. Lazlow, not understanding spanish, is very excited by the attention.

Lazlow knows space facts off the top of his head

Lazlow Wants to cum in zero G

He has a grandma fetish

Lazlow talks about his experience of getting pissed on by groups of strange men

Lazlow is "Left wing", but only because he doesnt want to be fired

Through tears “I dont understand valleys or clouds, it sounds like a nursery rhyme”

Lazlow told the press Michael "molested (him) into cutting his hair"

Lazlow got roofied at his Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting

Through tears “Tony? Can we hug? Please? You shouted at me a lot… And Tony? I dont think you can say ‘Gay Tony’ anymore, it’s not PC, the internet will go crazy”

Lazlow spins records at kids birthdays

“He wants me to beatbox, i’m gonna fuckin get LAAIIDDD”

“One more scandal will ruin me. I’m WOKE now”

[magnoliamyrrh]

something hysterical abt how im seeing this new trend of blaming online radfems who bitch abt men for the misogyny of boys lmaooooo. common now, youre fucking kidding me. boys arent getting worse because they stumbled across the blog of a woman talking shit abt her opressors. theyre getting worse because theyre watching porn by 8 frequently sharing it among each other and this is leading to younger and younger boys raping girls; like, we have 10 year old boys raping their younger sisters after watching porn. this boy children raping after porn thing is a international phenomenon. they're misogynistic because theyve seen it in adults their whole lives and its been encouraged in them too. theyre sexist because children are smart and like spunges, they absord whatever is around them. they are sexist because theyve been watching sexist af youtubers and personalities and shows and movies and family members. theyre sexist because society has already drilled a sense of superioirty and entitlement into them, and when they come across feminism it doesnt vibe with that. the idea that boys are some sort of uwu innocent beings and the Evil Tumblr Radfems are turning them into sexists is so funny. bro when i was literally in Preschool boys were being sexually perverse, theyd grab at our underwear and clothes and try to break into our bathrooms 24/7, we couldn't even piss without two other girls holding the bathroom door while the rest of us went. they'd try to kiss us without consent. and Adults just thought this shit was funny or unimportant or whatever and let boys be boys and never taugbt them boundaries. by early elementary theyd share porn among themselves and say the grossest fucking things to us and the sexual harassment just got worse; one of the guys in our class was kicked out (after years of harassment) when we were like 10 bc it got so bad.

this was in the early 2000s. no evil radfem internet megamind was making boys wack, they just were because theyre being raised as members of the opressive class. and again, this was 2000s, its only gotten worse. and yup women are allowed to say they hate men online because members of the opressed class are indeed allowed to express emotion, misandry isnt a real damn issue more than racism against white people is and its absolutely pathetic that so many on here thing MiSaNdRy is a real issue because liberal "feminism" is all abt mens uwu hurt feelings and coddeling ur opressors. and you know. why is it that with This we must act like we cant post shit online because hypothetically children will see - but with everything else its fine. like yea i wouldnt talk to a 10 year old boy abt feminism like i would on here but guess what. also wouldnt talk to children about sexual slavery like i do on here. im not gonna stop posting abt either because of that - adults have a responsability when it comes to childrens fandoms and whatever; dont mean we have to censor every damn thing

Oh and also. lets be clear this concept that boys are turning wack because of a few angry online women (who libfems hate anyway because ohh noo how dare you ever be mad or angry at men) is just hysterical because. girls live with the psychological impacts of men and larger society irl hating them and seeing them as less human and molesting them and murdering them and committing a genocide agains them 24/7. and yet. somehow girls dont become insane sexists who want to rape and enslave boys and men nor do they actually do so

[eldritch-flower]

Haven't really posted much of my main WIP, "Zenith" on here — so here's a relatively short excerpt under the cut!

Context: Cuán is in a meeting the rest of Sutton's men, talking about the disappearance and murder of one of their informants.

"AND WHAT AM I s'posed to say to his wife, Boss? 'Sorry for your loss Missus Witcham, here's what we could find of your husband!'" Little Baz Andrews held out his huge palm furiously, meaty fingers twitching.

"No one'd seen Eddie since Tuesday before Bobby found his dog sniffin' at his arm. Shredded right to the bone, he said, like he'd been savaged."

"Folks are getting scared they'll find an ear floating in their toilet, Kamau," said Mark Curtis.

Cuán sat back in his chair beside the head of the table, fingers threaded in his lap, watching with disguised disinterest as Kamau buried his face in his hands miserably: "How many are we missing?"

A veritable silence settled over the room, ghastly and morbid. Cuán sighed, meriting the attention of the subordinates sat opposite. Their eye contact was fleeting, nervous and uncertain, dipping away just as soon as it had been made. He appraised them all with unflinching disgust.

"Eleven of ours were unaccounted for last I checked," Cuán said, taking the initiative. Kamau glanced at him, craning his neck to the side to stare as he continued: "That was Thursday."

"Nine, now," someone corrected. Cuán wasn't familiar enough to remember their name, eyes brushing over straw-like hair and forgettable features. "Two were found last night."

"In what condition?"

"Just like Eddie Witcham, or worse.”

"How much worse?" Kamau asked, voice lame and tired. Andrews looked a little green as he was nudged to speak up.

"All that was left of Squint was a smudge of brains on the wall, Boss. It's only the boys in blue 'n their science-y stuff that told us who it was."

"McCarthy? But I spoke to him yesterday," Kamau began. “He was fine.”

‘Not anymore’ was thrown around the room silently, filling the void with toxic thought. The Boss sighed deeply, rubbing at his forehead, and Cuán turned away, feeling his lips prickle into a frown.

“Lots of things were fine yesterday,” he muttered inexplicably, settling back in his chair like a child. Several eyebrows raised.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Kamau demanded he continue, jaw set tersely.

Cuán didn’t answer.

“Lotsa hands are gonna go without greasin’ now Squint’s gone,” someone interjected, and the room deflated as Cuán’s wiry gaze was swept aside. “Someone else needs to replace him over in the North.”

“Finding informants is tricky.”

“So is knowing what the Whites are going to do next without one.”

Cuán scoffed, rising from his seat. He traipsed around the hard-wood table towards the private bar, gait leisurely and unbothered by the wide and staring eyes that followed him. Kamau’s burned the most, more so than the whiskey that Cuán unstopped and poured into a fancy crystal chaser.

“If you have something to say, Dunleavy, I suggest you don’t keep us waiting,” the Boss said. His words were tempered and calm, but the storm raging inside him was hardly well concealed from Cuán – the cyclone was still spinning, just like his own mind.

“I ain’t got nothing to say,” he said, smiling gingerly as he took a sip of his drink. He cut off Kamau’s quick, questioning reply before it began: “Only that I’ll do it.”

“Rusty, what the hell’re you talking about?” That was Andrews again, his small hands splayed across the table as though he were a judge before a courtroom, condemning him to life.

“He’s an idiot. Don’t listen to him-“

Kamau’s words were sniped away by Cuán’s snort of unabashed laughter, the sound rattling in his skull: “I mean what I say, Kam! Someone poke out my eye, and I can be the new Squint, yeah?”

“Absolutely not.”

“I say let ‘im,” another voice echoed. Their tone carried strongly, as if lightened by the draft that had seemed, suddenly, to sweep into the room. Cuán’s gaze sought out the speaker and landed on a big, brutish bear of a man. “If he wants to be found ass-first with his head in the sewers, that’s his problem.”

[lqfiles]

i’ve BEEN in uni (damn near almost two and a half years it shouldv been and i’m barely a second year w my credit progress rn) i just hate it so bad i hate talking to people and i hate school im only still going cuz i still don’t have a job 💔 and i probably look so unapproachable w my tense ass shoulders and chronic rbf,, i think i look more sad all the time than bitchy tho..

hoping praying u have more interesting interactions w these people i need to be fed w ur little anecdotes afterwards 🙏🙏🙏PLEASE GOD SEND MORE FINE ARAB BABES TO LQFILES!!!!!!!

i was kinda disappointed in that guy cuz he was silly when we first followed each other and somehow he’s just getting worse and whiter????? CUZ I LEARNED HIS LORE MONTHSSSS BACK first of all why is he my bday twin and TWO his step mom is BROWN like my kinda indo carib brown SO HE INTEGRATED INTO A BROWN/BLACK FAMILY …. and it all clicked as to why most of the girls in his folllowing (bc i did stalk.) was brown. and why was he also mutuals w a girl i am no longer friends w cuz she’s a pathological LIAR!!!

i do NOT have the ice spice skin cuz they made two separate ones??? mad expensive for what. boutta expose my fortnite skin collection to yall i mainly… waste my money on slutty men skins💗 i get girly skins if they’re random and cute but i deliberately go after the SLUTS! so most of my skins are random purchases or battlepass ones. but i also. invested in. all of the jjk skins so far. unironically i main gojo more often than id like to admit. i bought todoroki for the meme but he was my fav back when i actually watched mha in middle school😭 patiently waiting for sasuke to come back idgaf. i couldn’t spend money on fortnite when he was released. he will be mine.

—🪼

MY BAD I THIUGHT YOU HAD A BREAK FROM IT ATM OR SMTH LOLLL but lowk real i hate college too i hate having to do eduction in general like wdym i have to have a qualification to get a job ☹️☹️ i’m just a girl ☹️☹️ i would encourage getting a job but at the same time it might get too much to handle especially if you’re at the peak of your uni course but still.. i get it… i’m still trying (not rlly) to find a job 😓 AND BEO SHDJSHDKDJ THAT RESTING SAD FACE IS SO REAL OMF the amount of times i’ve gotten mistaken for being sad is so 😭 like my freaking bad that i look like i’m on the verge of tearing up all the time </3 but these people are missing out on a fun cool amazing person #THEIRLOSS.

HDJDHSKDJSK LORD IF YOU HEAR ME BRING RHE ARAB BABE TO ME…. OR THE WHITE BOYS 😂😂😂🤫🤫❤️❤️❤️ BUT WOAH HIM BEING YOUR BIRTHDAY TWIN IS WILD he wants to be you so bad. and him having a poc step parent as a white boy lowk scares me like he probably think he brown fr now 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️ BUT LMAOOO don’t worry sis we encourage stalking over here too like sozz why are you as a guy following so many girls you WHORE. and EFF YOUR EX FRIENF WHILE WERE AT IT

aren’t rhe usual theme skins like 2k vbucks? idk how much money that costs but i think my brother buys it monthly smh.. BUT HELPPP THIS KILLS ME she likes them slutty… fhis diva… and ngl the anime skins lowk piss me off because they look so uncanny like how are you 2d turned THEEE D?? though i do like the jjk skins too 🤫 ermm idk any of the names since i don’t play it like that but i heard venom was there once, i feel like i would’ve bought that just for the vibes. if i ever get into it i’ll probably also go for the slutty men tho hdjfjskfjdj #SluttySeason lets make it a season in fortnite 👀❤️

[strawberryspeachy]

I’m really homesick. Its compounded by grief for my mom.

I find myself in another shitty situation. I don’t want to go back the the US because i have no home. I have no job. I have no boyfriend.

I miss my friends and american stuff but i cant afford to live back home

Moreso before I didnt want to watch my mom get worse. Id planned to go back after i took a break. It was so exhausting being the only one trying to keep her there. Cleaning the house. Moving from home and just trying to exist. Im miserable and suicidal and i wanted a break. From being a caretaker and from my psycho family

Then i got here and i didnt get a break. Japan is stupidly hard to live in and then corona ruined my plans. I wanted to feel like i really experienced japan. I wanted to feel accomplished in my job over here. I didnt realize how bad the job i signed up to do was.

Before i could even get a feeling of accomplishment my mom died.

I dont want to live back home without her. What do i do when i go places where i went with here. See things without her. Eat with out her. Plan without her.

She was never in japan and i still cant look a garfeild or snoopy without feeling pain

I cant survive back home without her

But japan sucks. I have no friends. No one wants to be in a relationship with me. Im constantly treated like shit for being a non white woman

Im sick of having gross old men harass me every second of every day

Im sick of women slamming into me and jumping on me and either pretending im not physically in a place and trying to run through me or taking me as a threat and throwing their body into me

Im sick of getting paid less and having my work being credited by others. Of being told that im not qualified or good enough for jobs theyd give a slob who cant even write their own name

Im sick of having to argue with shitty ppl to get checked at the doctor, my phone number or internet in order, to live in a place

Im sick of no insulation and high costs for energy

Im sick of high taxes that dont benefit me

Im sick of construction work ruining my only free time

Im sick of ppl squishing together on public transport

Of robotic ppl who dont care about anyone

Of police harassing me

Im so tired of it. Im home sick. I want halloween. I want normal chit chat when i go to a store. I want to walk in a straight line without ppl running me down. I want american food. I want to be in my car

Im homesick. Im legitimately home sick

But im homesick for a place that literally doesnt exist. My house is gone. My pets are gone. Most importantly my mom is gone. I want my mom. Shes not there. I want to go home. It doesn’t exist

I don’t know what to do with myself

The choice isn’t even rlly mine. Ive pissed off 5 companies by calling them out, calling them out, making them follow the law, making them follow the law, calling them out

And now the newest one is the worst yet. I hate them. I dont want to work as an assistant anymore. I dont wana to work with these horrible dispatches and all the schools want men or white women. Im so angry watching ppl who cant do their jobs be easily given them and kept.

Im tired of fighting. And I don’t think its gonna get my anywhere. I dont want to go back the the states and fall apart… i want to just die

I dont even have my psudomom anymore. She had a stroke and is on the path my mom took…my home away from home didnt a viable option anymore either

Im so miserable

Also to top it off. This school the one where i have the best admin life of any school ever. Its the first school where the students don’t rlly like me. Which sucks. Other schools ive wished i could be more involved with the students homeroom and clubs and trips - now i could. But this student body didnt take to me as well as all the other schools students so even though i can be involved i dont get involved.

I wish i were dead. I hate my life.

I miss my mom

[rightxonxmain-archived]

Now Roxie wasnt the best at picking up tones. Picking up when she pushed too many buttons or hit the wrong nerve. But you know who was good at that? Furball. The women were connected in more ways than one, so she utilized this for her benefit when the moment called for it and this was one of them. Roxie could tell he wasnt lying but it wasnt her place to forgive him.

Hearing the man out on the other line, she rolls her eyes. "Okay. Just making sure. Im her sister Roxie, so be lucky I picked up this phone first. I believe you but its up to her to believe you. She would have hung up with how pissed she is. It has plenty to do with that I am afraid. I can give you a few secrets while shes out." Roxie starts, putting the phone on her shoulder and filing her nails. "You are dealing with a dangerous woman when shes angry. She hasnt had the best life or experience with men, whatever she told you only scratches the surface. I wont go into too much detail as its not my place to say but I will say she hates to be made to feel stupid. She hates feeling crossed. She hates feeling like she couldnt see something coming 20 paces ahead of her. In this case, even if you didnt cheat, her anger was placed on not figuring out your truth earlier. So she became violent."

She kept checking to see if Onyx stirred but the woman was out cold. She snorts when he makes a comment about witches not being real. "Oh boy she hasnt told you shit has she? Let me tell you something, that earthquake you felt when she was upset, that was her. When a certain kind of woman with unexplainable powers gets angry, her magic gets angry with it. So it reacts accordingly. I suggest you check the lobby and hallway of your apartment since she leaves a trail wherever she goes when shes that angry." Roxie continued, shrugging her shoulders and yawning, switching elbows to focus on filing the other nail.

As Brian gets irritated, she laughs. "Oh you are adorable. Im not the one whose gonna hang you by your lower intestines and let the ceiling fan run on high, watching as your body shuts down. Thats what would satisfy her if she believes you are lying even an ounce." Roxie checks again to see if her sister is still sleeping, thank god she is. "Word of advice loser, you dont conduct business over the phone. Feels disingenuous. You should come and meet her face to face because she will rip the phone off the hook, find you, and shove it up your ass for even attempting this over the line. Makes it worse that days have passed before you responded as well so dont be a pussy. Now heres the address." Roxie replies, giving him the address and looking over her nails satisfied.

"Bring some white roses and the album you both grabbed when you first met. Im giving you an hour. Hurry up." And before he could reply, she hangs up the phone, heading over to Onyx who was already awake at this point, she threw a knife at her which Roxie narrowly missed. "What did you do?" Onyx asked in a menacing tone. "Im helping you rebuild your relationship. I know you still like him and he isnt lying about what he did." Roxie said calmly, taking the knife out of the wall and giving it back to her. Onyx narrows her eyes at her. "That isnt the truth sis. I know it isnt."

"You really want the truth?! Im sick of you and him playing chicken from keeping secrets all the damn time! Go upstairs and shower, make yourself look pretty and makeup already! Im so sick of the both of you, I would take dealing with that whining bitch upstairs than deal with anything else you both have going on!" Roxie yells and Onyx promptly throws a knife at her shoulder, pinning the redhead to the wall by her shirt. "Stop name calling Rockelle around me. If I tell you again, that knife is going in your eye. So in other words he didnt cheat did he?" Onyx groans and starts upstairs. "Maybe quit jumping to conclusions and see the truth rather than your belief! Hurry up he will be here in an hour!" Roxie calls after Onyx stomping up the stairs. "OH SHUT UP IM GOING!"

Brain was a little hurt by Roxie's accusations; Brian had every intention of coming after her (not to mention Aylmer wasn't going to stand for anything else) and physically being present but she had made very serious-sounding threats to his life when she raged out of the apartment and he didn't think showing up unannounced would be taken well.

Also, he needed the address, if this was a good lead. Which it was. But he wouldn't have known that unless he called. As for using the footprints for a trail, he had been too out of it, mentally, to think to check out the damage done to the rest of the apartment complex. Besides, it wasn't smart to attract more attention to himself or his blue roommate. Better to pretend they had nothing to do with it.

"White roses, Syd... I'll be there..."

***

Brian took the bus to Rockelle's, having to change stops two or three times. He didn't want anyone to be able to form a pattern out of his trip, or follow him straight to the house. Aylmer was on good behaviour, though his stomach did make loud noises which Brian had to explain as his own skipped lunch. When they were alone again, Brian promised to feed him something smarter than a calf or a chicken. Maybe a dog, or a monkey. No promises.

The parasite was annoyed, having to share Brian's coat with the requested bouquet, but his troubles would soon be over, and with any luck he'd never have to see another flower again.

Before walking up to the doorstep, Brian took a moment to tie the cassette (yes, the same one they'd listened to, not a new copy) to the bundle of buds with a gold velour ribbon and practiced holding them out in a way that might dissuade any unheeded reckoning towards him.

"Just stay down until I tell you to come out," he warned the parasite. "If they're really witches like you say they are, we shouldn't take any chances... They could come after you and try to keep you for themselves if you're not extremely cautious..."

Brian felt a jab from Aylmer's teeth, and he looked up from his coat to see Roxie glaring out from the front door. Aylmer's quick thinking got Brian to shut up before it was discovered that he hadn't come alone. Of course they didn't know that Onyx had already informed the household about Aylmer and the special bond he and Brian shared.

smolcuriouskitten // cont'd [ x ]

Brian didn't face Onyx straightaway but gradually turned his head towards the woman he loved. He knew that making eye contact wasn't an imperative since she seemed to never change her expression (usually) and therefore it wasn't easy to read her reaction to what was being said to her.

Still, he had called her in here and now he was obligated to treat this like an actual civil conversation.

"Well, that's kind of just it-"

The young man practically recoiled when he saw that grin which was, unfortunately, getting to be more and more characteristic. It was also a bit of a 'war flashback' moment for him, as he could recall breaking out into maniacal smiles for no reason at all starting with his connection to Aylmer.

"You and he have been doing an awful lot of talking lately..." Brian sighed, still in the dark as to the light shooting out of his head. Right now he had a rig of saran wrap and tape over it to keep the elements out, but he knew that would only get him so far. Needless to say, hats were a must when out in public. His brother Mike was bringing new fashions over weekly.

"I just don't want you going down the same path as I have, Onyx... And I don't want more trouble for Aylmer, either... It's not any secret how much I've had to pay the cops to keep quiet about things as they are..."

***

The parasite was indeed incapacitated, currently swaddled and sipping chicken brains from a blender cup with a straw, but the severed link between himself and Brian had caused an additional phenomenon; he could now hear all of Brian's thoughts! Even from another room!

Needless to say, the attempted co-conspiring taking place in the bathroom caused unhappiness to swell inside of his blue body. Onyx was his only recourse during these tough times, this he believes wholeheartedly... Aylmer didn't actually posses a heart, instead a heart-like part called the aortic arch, but that's neither here nor there. All that mattered was his will to pit Onyx against Brian because Brain, bless him, was of little to no use anymore.