#IM HAVING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN OVER HERE | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cow-wizard · 1 year ago

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#hmap #bg3 #im having a mental breakdown over here #i was just talking with bullbae about my current and old files in harvest moon animal parade and such #and then i brought up how oh i think id just had a baby with---...wizard..........#and then i realized his real name is gale and i'm #im losing it

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bertrei · 17 days ago

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The bertholdt hoover fandom is dying rt if youd wipe the sweat from his brow like if youd give him a warm glass of milk

#coming over here to my fucking reibert saved url from 2014 on my old blog because im going crazy thinking about bertholdt my beloved #my right hand arm. man. my confidant. my best friend. my silly rabbit.#bro my EVERYTHINGGGGGG #i loved him when i thought he did all that unprompted idgaf i will love him to my dying days #i was with him (and reiner) thru the dark ages where they had just fucked off in the manga after unsuccessfully kidnapping eren and they #didnt show up until literal years later. i stopped reading once they left i couldnt go on w/o them!!!!!!#the only info we had was that they predicted the damn weather based off how he slept!!! u have no idea the loyalty i have to this man (and #reiner and annie) but omfg. omfg. its so bad. just watched s2 for the first time in my LIFE and im losing my SHIT #idk if i can keep watching & the only snk i read after they left was their reppearance and then i immediately stopped again when he DIED!!!!#so we'll see if i can cope with continuing on. probably not tbh. anyway i 🩷 bertholdt. most tragic figure ever. right there next to annie –#and reiner. they were literal kids who were sent out to kill thousands and then live amongst the suffering they alone caused –#and had to wake up each day and face their comrades their peers their friends and know they had to keep going and deliver everyone to –#their demise. no one else could ever understand that burden ✋️. meanwhile reiner has a literal mental breakdown from the stress and develops #a dissociative disorder and annie isolates herself and bertholdt has to try to keep it together. the fucking TRAGEDYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!! seeing #bertl's face when reiner talks about goinf home. the hope the grief the despair. ☝️ i need to die.#knowing he fcking died is the worst part. take literally anyone else omg theyre ready to go. free my man.

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partoftheairforce · 1 year ago

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oh em gee fuck me

#RIGHT NOW #IM HAVING A BREAKDOWN OVER HERE #PLEASEEEE #IM GOING MENTAL #the 1975 #matty healy

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butnotbubblegum · 7 months ago

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using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, read at your own risk.

#but jesus christ coming back home while already knee deep in a suicidal episode was an awful idea #like i was maybe on the verge of improving and then i came back to all of this family bullshit #and the place as well like it’s so. i don’t want to say isolated necessarily. but so much it’s own little bubble #and i spent the last eight or nine years i lived here depressed and the last six suicidal #and being back here feels like the actual place is telling me to die #and i don’t think it helps that every place i go i know or know of someone who successfully committed suicide #like. oh this person drowned themself here. or that person hung themself in these woods. or several people jumped off the side of this clif #like. it all feels like reminders of my failures. and it’s like. cmon. wouldn’t it be easy. all you need to do is jump. is slit your throat #is find a decent piece of rope. idk. but everything is so much and i just want it to stop and it feels like the ground itself #is giving me a way to do it.#i genuinely feel like i’m like 16 or 17 again. and everything that isn’t within these hills #feels like a haze and not actually real. like the concept of buxton doesn’t actually exist and my friends do not actually exist and nothing #actually exists except the place i’m in and my family and the pub #i think going back to work at the pub was a mistake; i think it’s making this worse. especially because it’s henry’s dad’s local #and where henry’s wake was. and nothing there has changed at all. it’s like the whole last year never happened.#and i only need to get through two more days but it feels like an impossible task and i keep thinking being back in york will fix me but id #if that even true like. i was suicidal before i left. and it’s going to be intense and stressful and then i have to leave again.#come back here and do three full weeks of this all over again. i haven’t even managed two yet this time around. and i feel like #such a failure and such a drain on my friends (and on one in particular) because it just #is so much and has been so long and everything is complicated and awful and i think if i hadn’t come back i’d be in a normal mental state #by now. that’s the worst fucking part. and also the whole thing of i know how to be suicidal here. i know how to not give a shit about #living here. i know how to do that. but ive never had to try before. like im trying to improve and im trying to hold on and hold off the #urges to kill myself or self harm or whatever because i said i would and because i KNOW it can be better than this and bc i love my friends #and they love me and i don’t want to upset them or make them anxious or anything like that and kat made me promise to try and im trying so #fucking hard and it feels like it’s not even worth the effort because it’s so much effort and everything is so overwhelming and awful and i #hate the way my family interacts and i just want everything to stop and idc if suicide is the cowards way out or selfish or whatever #bullshit people say it feels like the only option i can actually withstand because everything is so much pain and so much effort and so muc #everything and i can’t deal with it anymore. and also i forgot just how much i have to fucking mask in front of my parents and especially m #father and it’s so exhausting and i can’t sleep and there’s so much yelling and i just need it all to stop #i’ve had major breakdowns the last 3 nights about wanting to die so much & trying so hard to not let myself & idk how much longer i can tak

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itzsana-kiddingmenow · 8 months ago

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guys my mom apologized to me today for being harsh and asked why im always sad and whats wrong, and that i can talk to her.

i honestly cried because i have so many mixed feelings; i know she loves me and she wants the best for me, but everything she's said...all those horrible things that only crawl in my brain and the main reason i have severe anxiety and depression...they won't leave me alone.

i wanted to run back to her, back into her arms and cry and tell her everything...but i didn't. my instinct was telling me not to trust her. to keep everything bottled in. and the worst part? i couldn't tell if it was my anxiety or my brain telling me this.

i avoided every question, she asked me why i don't talk to her...i just said i was sick and a little tired.

she also asked why i was so irritable all the time. the truth is...i really don't know. i don't. i'm rude to everyone in my family who tries to know more, who tries to break that barrier.

i feel like i'm becoming my parents. nobody wants to know more. i have no true friends, merely acquaintances in my life. i never get too close...i can't. i'm unable to be close with anyone.

and i can't tell them...anything.

#sana's rants #sana's vents #this was so sudden im so sorry #i just had so much to say and i filled six pages of my diary plus my hand hurt #but fun fact about me #i haven't had a day where i HAVENT cried in over four years #mental breakdowns and panic attacks here and there #a few days ago #my family got into a fight with me #and my mom said she was ashamed to have me as a daughter #yet today she turns right around and i dont know.#i don't know what mood she'll be in tomorrow #will she be disappointed in me?#will she dash my happiness?#or will she leave me alone for once?#who knows...

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ectopuppy · 4 months ago

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i love gwen and kevin all silent and fucked up over dying and coming back to life and bens just like 'teehee same shit as always right guys???'

#the king of 'if i dont think about the horrible fucked up shit that just happened its like nothing happened'#<- he thinks this is normal and healthy #and im just over here like damn bitch you really live like this 😬#its honestly a miracle babyboy has never had a full blown mental breakdown #anyway the next episode i have to watch is the stockholm syndrome one ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ #puppy noises #micks big ben 10 rewatch liveblog

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three-bunnies-in-a-trenchcoat · 5 months ago

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Oh this is kind of banging

#siffrin over here having his twentieth mental breakdown in a row and im over here vibing to tje house music #i would say im sorry but uhhhhh this is really good so im not #mb plays a game #isat

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specialmouse · 2 months ago

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You know .

#my mental breakdown this summer was actually completely explainable and while i did/said things i dont stand by #i dont actually think i was the bad guy here. interestingly.#i had to help my mom move and it triggered a huge panic attack bc of past trauma from moving house #and so now my family is saying im going insane #and my friend kept egging me on to ask out his friend #who he and i had developed a really nice friendship but he did kind of like. seem like he was trying to be my personal savior #idk i had a big crush on him bc ofc i fucking did no man has ever treated me that well before #then i jokingly tell him how i feel and he goes all serious #oh and it was four days after the 17th anniversary of my fathers suicide #who i think had bpd/ptsd #so i may be developing the same disorder . and it’s freaking me out #this guy claims he knew i had a crush on him which actually means the way he was talking to me means he was to keep my attention #(he sent a picture of him zoomed in naked hours before this so EXCUSEEE ME FOR ASSUMING)#and i started getting upset with the way i was being talked to and asked him to just say he was talking to me that way for attention #for my own peace of mind. like mind u we were talking every day throughout the day for months #voice calls would last over 5 hours. that kind of thing #i snap at him finally but immediately apologize #he then sends me a screenshot of his ex telling him ‘you have experience in dealing with mentally ill women’#followed by him saying ‘youre right. teehee love you’#so yeah duh i went to the fucking hospital it’s like someone hit me with a hammer in the head three times #then my fucking friend who goaded me into confessing to him tells me when i get out that he feels like im trying to make him choose between #when all i ever did was apologize profusely over and over again #fuck my entire ass man. oh and then two weeks later my best friend abruptly told me she was moving to maine #in two weeks. well no she didnt say that. she said can i stay at yours for a week #and i said um. what? and she said yeah im moving. and then used the fact that she had to get an abortion weeks ago as an excuse for not #telling me. and i said dude what the fuck? and she never talked to me again! so #one two three all gone BAM BAM BAM #oh this was also a week before my birthday #the trauma from moving wasnt actually abt tbe moving it was about how i was treated when we were moving #or basically any stressful family event

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dandyshucks · 9 months ago

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experiencing my bimonthly (every two months) morality spiral of "it's bad that i like men, why am i not as attracted to women, i must be a misogynist if I personally am not as often attracted to women as i am men"

i would say i need to go touch grass to get over it but unfortunately I do that at least once a day and it does not seem to help 😔 (this second paragraph is half joke)

#the ocd is OCD'ing !!!!!! get me OUTTA here !!!!#what actually would help is getting out and being around real life ppl more but. i am so tired fsdjkl that is so difficult #also i am afraid bc my immune system is so fucked up and i really cannot afford physically or mentally to get sick #if i was a man or man-adjacent i wouldn't feel bad about being attracted to men i think #bc then i'd ''at least be gay''#but when i am nonbinary and transneutral then i feel like everyone is just going to see me as girl-lite in a straight relationship #and if i am not attracted to women then surely i MUST be a misogynist! because women are wonderful so why am i not as attracted to them!#its funny bc we have a lesbian in the system and also a gay man and then a few other ppl across the span of sexualities #and im just over here being the only one having mental breakdowns about my sexuality HFDSJGKL #everyone else is like. it literally does not matter the way u seem to think it does. ur fine. wtf are u on about.#and im over here spiralling out into crying breakdowns bc i convince myself i must be a terrible person for not being as attracted to women #i need to figure out how to stop going through this spiral every couple of months bc it is exhausting and so so so stupid oh my god #vent //#dandy.cmd

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todayisafridaynight · 1 year ago

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never think of ichi getting a haircut and being upset with the result while getting your own hair cut lest you also be cursed with a cut You Did Not Want

#snap chats #everyone was here the last time i had a mental breakdown over a haircut i got right #part two baby !!!!!!#II WANT TO DIE SO BAD #i didnt have money to get it cut properly so i just had my mom do it since shes cut our hair for years #and she cut it too short and now i just feel dysphoric and ugly and i want to scream and die #‘snap youre making a mountain out of a mole hill’ LET ME BE UPSET #ITS MY HAIR MY FACE MY FEELINGS so if i wanna cry like a baby let me #esp since im going back to school this week like UGH I WANTED TO LOOK NICE THE FIRST DAY #i guess this is better than having my hair longer but still.... day ruined #at least ichi’s hair looked great.... i dont wanna look in the mirror for the next half year #ok im done being dramatic bye. im gonna cry on the couch <- exagerrating. hopefully.#ill probably judt try to draw to distract the fact my self consciousness is worse now LMAO WE’LL COPE SOMEHOW WE ALWAYS DO

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victorborkowski · 11 months ago

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my dad totally has a stomach bug and just got a call from his doctor he needs to take antibiotics for a couple days to see if that finally nips it in the bud for him because apparently this has been Ongoing for a bit and i'm being really not normal about this, thanks

#like what do you MEAAAAAAAAN you 'keep going to the bathroom' and have been for days!!! what do you MEAN!!!!!!#My own tummy is very not happy 2day and i feel like im being insane like there are multiple reasons this could be happening but who knows :#<- multiple reasons that are Not stomach bug related.#still .ugh. UGH. my therapist and i were literally talking earlier today!!! about how if i could just hurl and get that over with maybe my #phobia wouldnt be so bad! i literally TOLD HER IM LESS SCARED ATP OF PUKING FROM A STOMACH BUG THEN I AM OF PUKING FROM A PANIC ATTACK #AND NOW. HERE I AM. STARING GASTROENTERITIS IN THE EYE. AND IM LIKE UMMM NEVER MIND ACTUALLYYYYY :D :D :D :D :D #i hate my life. lmfao.#summer's text tag #ocd is so stupid emetophobia is so stupid i need to be NORMAL BRAINED ABOUT THIS!!! I CANNOT LET THIS RUIN MY LIFE ANYMORE!!! RAAAAAGGHHHHH #<- <- <- deleting this post later btw. sorry to mental breakdown on ur dash. will be back to normal shortly (maybe)

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cutearose · 11 months ago

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#having a bit of a breakdown bc i keep fucking everything up bc of how bad my mental heath is rn #and im so tired of feeling like this useless burden #i keep fucking up in the exact same ways and its expensive and frustrating and stressful #and it sucks to be losing my mind over these mistakes while also just aggressively not wanting to be alive #like what does it matter if my bike is dead bc i ruined it and now cant go to my friends wedding? what does anything even matter?#being alive is too fucking hard #and i am very alone and dont want to burden anyone w my mental health anyway #but i am just. completely falling apart at the moment #and im so fucking tired all the time #hhhhhHHHHHH #struggling here pals.#post

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pepprs · 2 years ago

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feeling misery and despair about going back to work btw. im trying to suppress it and i did a good job but the inevitable is inevitable

#purrs #i had like 3 massive breakdowns at the end of the week incl one on friday when i was off. and then i was like ok. i am literally weak and sh #shaking from all of that let me just pretend none of it happened. and i did!!! i pretended so well that i have felt basicslly normal all #weekend. i played a lot of video games and i even went out twice.. once to a chorus concert on campus (which is big bc being on campus ummmm #is deeply agitating to me rn ♥️) and today to home depot w my family to wander around the plants and hear the birds. i am suppressing things #and i know i am but if i don’t think about thst i feel so normal. except now it’s 11:16 on a sunday night and i have work tomorrow. and i #know most of the horrors are over but there are still so many more fucking horrors ahead. saying goodbye to people i love and anniversaries #of things happening including today being the 4 year anniversary of a certain email lol. and i can FEEL the difference. the way my stomach #is in knots bc weekends are only so long (even long ones) and i can only hold back the horrors for a little while. it’s all temporary. augh.#i literally need like a whole month off i think. idk. work stuff has fucked up my mental health beyond belief this year and it’s so sad bc t #this is my dream job but im in so much mental pain and physical exhaustion constantly and they beget themselves and by the end of the week #im miserable. but the semester is about to end. but what if it doesn’t get better bc EVERY single god damn time we talk about how it’s gonna #get better it quite literally gets worse lol 💖 i can’t im not strong enough. coming up on 5 years here and im not fucking strong enough!#but i will heal eventually i think. i just need the horrors to cease for long enough for me to catch my breath (and other redacted things ♥️

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gibbearish · 1 year ago

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u ever have to back out of a drama explained video bc ur like. i agree that that person was in the wrong but the way youre presenting them is just unsettling

#like theres a difference between 'hey heres a breakdown of who waid what and what happened' and #'look at this zoo animal and what a freak they are for this freak thing they did‚ everyone point and laugh at them wherever they go forever #specifically if you put quirky music and a dramatic voiceover over a clip of someone having a screaming #breakdown in their car telling people to leave them alone i think thats uhhhhhh fucked up no matter what they did #and ppl will always be like 'well they could just log off so its fine' and its like a) didnt we learn in like elementary school that #cyberbullying is still real bullying #like to me that gives the same vibe as 'why didnt they just leave' irt abusive relationship if that makes sense?#like yeah physically they are capable of just logging off. physically they can choose to leave. but theres a lot more #that goes into it than just 'can i physically leave'#like. ppl who do abuse over the internet know how the internet works and know how to use #means other than ohysical strength to keep targets under their control #'if you dont respond to my messages whenever i send them ill kill myself. no i didnt directly say that but #i repeatedly messaged you at times i knew you had just gone to sleep faking suicide attempts making you feel #like its your fault for not being available to respond 24/7'#its 'youre the only person i can talk to about these things no one understands me like you. you are my whole support system and therefore #wholly responsible for my mental health #if you leave me ill have no one so you will be dooming me to fall apart on my own when i need support the most so you can never leave me'#its 'how can you break up with me right now knowing im feeling suicidal‚ its like you want me to kill myself‚ you did this deliberately bc #youre a bad person. my life depends on you staying with me and i will never not be suicidal #and even if i was you saying that would make me feel that way so you can never break up with me or youre responsible for me kmsing #im not saying thats at all the same as ppl taking drama too far and freaking out abiut stuff however i feel like a good portion of it #carries over specifically the fact that. they probably feel like they /have/ to stay logged in‚ to keep their drama public #they have to keep defending themselves and keep reading responses and keep going and going #plus like. of course its the big freakouts that get lots of attention and therefore get even worse #good or bad people like spectacle‚ you never see people calmly resovling disagreements because they.#get calmly resolved then everyone moves on and forgets it. so you only remember the wild ones #like esp for like. kids on tiktok #we all had meltdowns about petty shit at one point or another we just were lucky enough to grow up just before #social medias jumped over to video content so it doesnt have our faces tied to it #idk. i just think ppl should ask themselves 'how would i feel if an audience of thousands was watching my lowest moment like this'

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lovingempress · 1 year ago

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Week 3 of nursing school and still questioning why I put myself up to this

💀

#*chanting to myself*#I want to be a nurse I want to be a nurse #I love my teachers and I love my class #everyone is so nice and enthusias and helpful #but my god #I am. so exhausted #I am already nearing the academic mental breakdown and holy shit I am so unprepared for this #my notes are a mess and I am so stressed about the upcoming exams in the next few days #ironically the math is the easiest part here #it’s the actual ‘nursing’ that’s stressful #I feel like I’m perpetually playing catch up at the last minute #maybe I would have felt more comfortable taking a lpn class instead of an rn to be honest #like over half of our class is already IN the medical field #so all this stuff? already familiar with it #im chugging through!#but ohhhh my god #*stares into the distance*#I feel so unprepared and 5 seconds away from a malpractice suit #it’s the anxiety but knowing doesn’t really help 💀

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dabideserveslove · 21 days ago

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Haven't posted anything for a while mostly cus kiddo #3 showed up a little bit ago and the lead up to her arrival was also just fucking awful for me but ah, everyone's okay, just wanted to give a small update

#pregnancy tw #forreal tho have yall heard of prodromal labor?? cus i hadnt till i fucking experienced it #ive already got a fic in the works where i make dabi suffer through it though as a way to process and cope #rip to dabi lmao #legit felt like i was going to go outright insane and just have a mental breakdown #i was having steady relatively intense contractions that would last for hours every fucking day for like over a week #before she actually decided to show #now that shes here like sure im sore and tired but not nearly as miserable as before #like yall when my water finally broke i was sobbing in relief knowing things were actually fucking happening finally #and then promptly called my midwife and husband only for my husband to barely make it home and my midwife to be like 5 minutes out #when baby arrived officially

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