#IM CRYING THIS HAS BEEN SO NICE
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this is the second weekend in a row a lovely random lady has told me how wonderful I look and how much they like my outfit 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
#lia talks#IM CRYING THIS HAS BEEN SO NICE#last week I was at a tea cafe with my friend#before hitting the art gallery#and we went to a stall across from the cafe#and this lady was like excuse me can I take a photo of you two#and at first we were like wtf but then she said you both look so lovely#and was like I love ur dress#and was like you guys should have a photo taken on your phone#and today was at Xmas markets#and this lady stopped me and I was like I just have to tell you how wonderful you look today#she was like someone needs to say how amazing you look today so I will#I’m currently wearing shorts that match my bucket hat#IM JUST SO 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
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I've seen a lot of different takes on Fear Toxin/other fear causing stuff (Yellow Lanterns Ring or something)(later just called Fear Toxin cause I'm lazy) but here is another one.
Danny seems like he isn't affected by Fear Toxin because his biggest fear is that his accident changed him so much he is no longer human, he can no longer truly experience human things.
So when he gets lungful of fear Toxin, he feels normal. He was antsy before, because c'mon, it's a rogue attack but it's not worse. Or so he thought. Because the anxiety lingers. Not enough to register as abnormal just this slight hypervigilance that makes you see things about yourself and your surroundings that you'd never realize otherwise. He'd realize he doesn't blink as often. He'd realize that if he doesn't consciously focus, he sometimes seems to not touch the ground. Forgets to breathe. He can't feel his own pulse at time. He'd realize people will miss him when he's walking down the street as if he was invisible (people just don't care about everyone they pass by). When he'd look straight into his reflection, he'd look slightly to the left. Not enough to actually name anything that was wrong but just stretched enough to fall on the wrong side of the uncanny valley. If he just caught his reflection in the peripheral vision, it'd be vaguely shadowy creature with glowing green eyes and white smoke instead of hair. Overall he'd be just wrong enough to be distinctly not human.
For everyone else, he'd be just a dude. Literally couldn't find more normal dude than this dude. Will pass as absolutely normal human unless someone is specifically looking for ecto-ghost stuff. Even most magic users wouldn't clock him at the glance
Tldr: Fear Toxin makes Danny perceive himself as some sort of eldritch horror but not enough to make him believe he'd actually be affected, while from outside perspective he's Just A Dude™
#dpxdc#dc x dp#dp x dc#dcxdp#fear toxin#please no Ghost King#nothing against this au but i don't think it'll mesh well woth this idea#probably works best with danny soon after accident#maybe still believing all of his parents anti-ghost propaganda#that'd add to angst for sure#idk why he is somewhere where he could be affected#idk who would realize something is wrong#up to whoever wants to do expand on this prompt#he'd cry when someone tells him he's been in fact affected by fear causing thing#because this means he *is* human and while he was fundamentally changed by his death#it didn't fully get rid of his humanity#but he won't tell that too busy being relieved so whoever delivered the news would be in for the ride#actually it'd be cool if it was someone who has superpowers but they showed up later in their life#parallels y'know#... i may still not be normal about “i wonder what could lie beyond infinity” by Numinous_Scribe on ao3...#top notch fic go read it great Clark characterization#anyway because plot kinda escaped me#hope this idea scratches someone's creative braincell or something#im curious what y'all will make out of it#yellow lantern#have a nice day dear stranger who got to this part
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oo u want 2 draw soo bad..
#i hate that my ability to draw is so conditional#its soo frustrating but i dont know how to break it. this has been the one thing thats never changed.ill never be free#times like rn i just do studies but its soo fking BORINGGG euuhh...#but if i try 2 draw something for funsies i just stare at the blank canvas. literally immobile. & u know how people r like just draw#something anyways. a line. something. and its like no i cant do that oi cant even do that u underestimate my freak#i want 2attack myself from the pov of someone else#i think im having the realization tht i will never be able to do art stuff frls and its driving me crazy i think.#like im actually sick and unwell frm the thought of it.my friend commissioned me and im ab 2 send the money back#after two weeks bc i cant do it im literally frozen dude.i want 2 cry and die and explode into a million pieces#wait im back to add more.idk if anyone feels the same way but its like. i know its entirely a Me issue its a mental block issue#theres something thats not connecting in my head but its like.why is it so easy for everyone else ykwim...and thats a lie too right#like everyone else struggles w art and its not.it cant exist Without you struggling and practicing hard and trusting yourself#but in my brain im just convinced that like.i cant do this i cant do this like everyone else can do it like second nature and it freaks me#tf out#but also its the one thing i want to do more than anything else in my life and so like if i cant do it i dont know what to do.ughh.#not me freaking the fuck out rn lawl.lols.even#and on top of it i feel like i cant express myself well and i think my friend. < SOOO awesome and well meaning and NICE and legitimately#pushing me to try and believe that i can do this stuff but i feel like they wont understand the sort of like.mental block im struggling wit#like its less that i hate my art or something i dont its more like.i just feel soo physically restrained and incapable of doing it.suddenly#i cant think and i cant do anything.i have no creativity i have no ideas my mind is quite literally blank and empty
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transgender stuff in dragon age is nothing new i can't fathom how there's still a big enough group of gamers out there throwing fits over taash being nonbinary
#sam crying#dragon age has always been queer like are people sleeping under a rock#they microdosed trans stuff with krem and maevaris before#so im happy that veilguard has multiple trans characters it's nice#idk i also really liked the trans dialogue it was super refreshing...#like i know im preaching to the choir here but da's core theme is literally about oppression
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I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI.
#not dislike. its hate#it made me cry several times today#thinking of how my classmates manipulate our teachers#and chatgpt AIs can EVERYTHING#its so painful to think of it#today I broke down in the bus and cried#idc what people think. hiding my feelings any longer would destroy me from the inside#maybe youve also seen how people use freakin AIs in their exams#the thing is that:#we wrote an exam for which Ive studies for like 2 whole days#this week we finally got the exams back (w the grades ofc)#and ok Ive got a 3 (C in America syste#*m)#my friends who used chatgpt throughout the exam got way better grades (I didnt expect it otherwise)#PLUS#the most provocating messages from the teacher:#“10/10 POINTS :)” “YOURE ROCKING THIS” “YEAH”#💔#seriously#this breaks my heart#dont the teacher see something suspect in the exam?!#why cant they open their eyes and get modernized to reality.#& they KNOW- the students Im talking of. they usally have bad results.#once our teacher came to a chatgpt student and said the most miserable thing:#“youve been using duolingo a lot lately hm? thats where your nice grades come from 😉🥰”#you get it?#no- this peoson didnt learn.#no- this person isnt even interested in the stuff we learn in lessons#AWFUL feeling to hear the praisings of da teachers when *I* gotta sit among the gpt-students and look like Im a worse student than *them*#[writing this at almost 1 at night] still have some tears. this topic really has the power to destroy someones day. 💔💔
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I made a fan art for you ✨
I was gonna color self-insert to grey but in tags say you imagine them to be blue skin and white hair and I was like oh let’s do that :D
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Oh my gosh it took me randomly checking my inbox to see this, I can't believe I missed this 😭 this is so cute, I love it, thank you!!🥰
yeah I like to play around with different Sinner Y/N concepts all the time and I love the colors and accessories you picked here, very aesthetic, VERY feeding into my love of "Valentino becomes obsessed with a Reader who isn't conventionally his type". You think he's bullying you because he's an asshole but really he's just embarrassed he's SO Down Bad For You and he's like, worried he'll be judged for it or some weak or something, and he's just, tsundere and bad at flirting. Valentino chasing butch girl Y/N. Valentino chasing punk and goth and rebel Y/N. Valentino chasing Y/N regardless because he's just s big mean slut 🥰
#submission#for REAL i want to get another tablet. the one i have doesnt have a screen display. it was a gift. and expensive 😭#god january cannot come fast enough. not just the voice and how he acts but GIVE ME THAT SIZE REF#hh#yandere stuff#kinda?#other people's stuff#ah thank you so much this is so nice ^^#valentino seems like that guy who is a huge douche and then when you start crying has no idea what youre talking about#acts confused and like youre too sensitive#val who is actually trying to flirt but he has no rizz so hes just upsetting you and he doesnt understand why youre reacting negatively#val whos been flirting aka bullying for weeks and doesnt understand why youre 'being such a tease' when youre like. AVOIDING HIM#anyways im sure hazbin being released definitely wont unlock further degenerate behavior in me :)#shit i still have to write for miguel.... dont worry i havent forgotten about him...
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from artistic mental breakdown to 5 wips simultaneously lmao
#i have 5 kantrio pieces i’ve been working on and i’ll post them together … eventually lol#i’ve done 3/5 lol nearly done the 4th so#blue fried wearing a rv hoodie … staying hydrated ofc!!! drinking out of daisys stanley cup … first time in human history all those words#have been used in a sentence together im fucking crying lol#she gives me the vibe of owning one idk lol they’re the definition of american-core to me LOL#that piece has been a lot of fun actually i’ve enjoyed the more simply faces but still keeping the ‘details’ in the clothes idk it’s a nice#mix lol i spent way too much time on faces it really drives me crazy so the chibi expressions are fun and pretty cute lol#2nd one… idk the girls R FIGHTING!!!#nah there’s lore behind it!!! lore as in my hc lore lmao#also i was thinking about the languages the kantrio speak … i think they all know japanese obviously its their native language then english#mostly due to being yknow … as famous as they are… they learnt it from tv and travelling around the world! i think professor oak is fluent#so he taught them growing up and i hc the three know sign because of red :p#wip
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tomorrow is my nineteenth birthday. i can’t believe i’ve lived this long, i didn’t expect to live past sixteen yet alone get to nineteen. this is a crazy thing to process, i still can’t buy anything i want to, still can’t rent a car, still can’t buy a hotel room, still can’t do literally anything but to me it’s still a milestone of how strong i am for continuing to live despite everything.
#actually bpd#bpd problems#bpd vent#actually borderline#actually mentally ill#bpd fp#bpd#bpd shitposting#bpd favorite person#bpd mood#this made me tear up a little bit just because i’ve been through so much and despite not wanting to exist.. having people acknowledge you#despite everything in your life that’s negative is a nice thing to go through#my fp and his sister want to do something small for my birthday and that makes me wanna cry#it was his sisters idea.. she loves me that much she’s willing to throw a mini party for me#dude i truly am so lucky to have him in my life.. he’s given me more strength and support than anyone has ever given me#his sister is so sweet too.. just gah im so in love with him
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The Nightbringer concept!
Shapeshifter god that brings the night and guides their followers through the dark
I’d appreciate your opinions on the designs pls :>
#but pls be nice. or i will cry /hj#i had a different palette in mind but i didnt really like it so i went for this#some extra thoughts (that im not sure to keep but idk)#is that since nightbringer is lowkey inspired by Nyx (yeah ive been play hades too) i had the idea that they were the one that gave birth-#to the god of Dreams (that later separated into the Radiance and The Nightmare Heart)#thats why they got some similar motifs to the radiance and grimm!#(like. moth form is more similar to the radiance awhile centipede has more similarities to grimm)#so yeah i accidentally keep giving Grimm more parental figures#its also 3 am why do i always gotta post at stupid o' clock#hollow knight#hollow knight oc#the nightbringer#bubba doods
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kinda went mia for a bit there but it's just cuz the boy has been visiting this last week (he goes back tomorrow morning 🥺 💔)
I do want to catch up on ffxivwrite prompts, at my own pace, but I'm very happy overall because this is the most I've done for any challenge like this since uh
Maybe middle school? lol so yeah
Just been super happy to write out the little vignettes that have been stuck in my brain for literal years
And been absolutely chuffed reading up on the blorbos-in-law :> thank for the food, I still need to catch up but aaa I love what I have read
#skele ramblings#also if i immediately jump into writing again ill hopefully distract myself from the fact i wont see my bf until christmas#maybe lol#probably not :'D i want to be living w him already cuz this mini heartbreak every time has been aaaaa#i love him a lot y'all#he's my favorite ever#i work today and his sleepy 'drive safe' and 'love you too' when i left for work were so fucking precious i want that every morning forever#also lol i def slept thru my alarm but his gentle bapping of my face woke me up ezpz and being on time for work more would be nice#your honor i need him because im eepy and he is the best alarm clock#hanging out w him and my friends has been so natural too like#aaaaa#ok i will stop being a sap because im making myself cry at work#i hope he misses this post cuz he might wind up p embarrassed reading these tags#but also hi bb ilu a lot a lot a lot <3
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overwhelmed by the joy of life again
#just yesterday evening i couldnt stop crying#amazing what not having to go to school & a good nights sleep can do#idk this morning is just so beautiful to me#it smells like a nice morning outside too#the sun is shining but im not overheating#my cat has been hanging out with me since i woke up with her asleep on my pillow#theres a little spider by my window :)#just kinda sitting there :DD#nvm my cat just spotted it#i have some nice music on#im looking forward to today#mine
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RAAAAHHH RAAAAHHHHHH!!!
#officially done watching QSMP!!#I watched mainly Fit's POV bc he speaks English and has the most hours on qsmp#i would have watched Philza's but his vods included his hardcore world and made his vods much longer and also spending less time on qsmp#i have watched all of Slime's POV and since he rarely logs on and he cuts his vods it was easy to finish#for non-English speakers i have watched Maxo and Pierre's bc they are the most lore heavy apparently-#and their qsmp povs comes in episodes!! very easy to binge#lore-wise it was great!! sad qsmp was cut short bc of management issues but im glad at least Fit made an effort to make a great ending#as for everyone else's lore ive been relying on clips and compilations#my favorite event is definitely cellbit and roier's wedding bc it was so fuckin funny - i have rewatched certain parts multiples times#my favorite lore would be aypierre's bc his felt more complete and cohesive... maxo is close second... these two are good roleplayers...#Purgatory is another BIG favorite event purely bc of BOLAS ROJAS 😂 the first day was the funniest shit I've seen acted on Minecraft#favorite pair is definitely Deathduo... one bc Philza did a great representation (on purpose or not) of an aromantic character -#two because found family... im a huge sucker for found family stories... Deathduo isn't as rich in fanservice but it's part of why i like it#rare but GOLD - augh their first day with Chayanne and the whole prison arc thing 😂😂 everytime Phil catches Missa up on the lore 😂#another favorite pair is Misclickduo - if the latter was a nice story this one's on the complete fucKING OPPOSITE#everything about this family is fucked in every single angle 😂 but it has good lore esp Slime's POV with Juanaflippa#favorite eggs definitely Ramon and Juanaflippa... since I watched Fit the most it made sense Ramon is my favorite#but Juanaflippa is my favorite lore-wise bc of how tragic she is...#essay over :3 im going to sleep crying i hate Fit's ending so much BYEEEE#qsmpcroof
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theres a really. special kind of despair in the uncertainty brought about by moments of success and achievement. the inevitable “what now” of reaching your goals. and i kind of wish someone had warned me how hollow graduating university would feel, tbh
#taylor.txt#im miserable primarily for other reasons right now but i dont think i appreciated how much this just…wouldnt feel like anything#i think especially in my case as someone who so desperately needed ‘going away to college’ to get out of my childhood situation#and now for the past 5 years everything ive done has been for the purpose of getting my degree and finishing school#like im fine i guess i just kind of wish i could feel proud of myself or happy its over instead of like dreading the ceremony and feeling#like everything i have to do for grad is just one more thing i have to check off a list. getting my grad photos done felt nice but idk#it kind of feels like no one really cares which. idk why i would expect it to NOT feel that way. but yeah#tl;dr im around Kinda…need to finish stuff up but im over the really busy part of this all. kinda just coasting to the end here tbh#when this is over i’m gonna get to my request fics. prommy. wanted to do them over the long weekend but i was sick :(#anyway like to be clear im fine. people have been pointing out today i seem down and i think embarrassingly a collection of my students#noticed me crying on the bus today but thats life i guess you make do. im sad and thats ok. tbh
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#my parents are here and like#i surpassed my contact quotient with them about 3 weeks ago but this week has been way too much#and right now im seconds away from screaming at them#and they keep making things worse and im so tired and done and mostly so so so angry i wanna crawl out of my skin#and all that is shit by itself but we have a potential roommate comjng over tonight so i have to act nice and calm#i just dont have the energy anymkre#im sucked dry#like a brittle skeleton#also i still have to pick up my meds#and ill hopefully have an hr to decompress before dinner#but no time between dinner and the meetjng snd basically i just wanna cry#and smoke and get drunk
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🏹
#i hope no one reads this bc my avpd is crazy rn and i cant be affectionate#BUT...#i know there are some good ppl in the world#many ppl on tumblr (and twitter) has been very kind to me#i know not everyone are bad ppl#im just stuck in this bpd mood where only ONE thing is true#and i constantly feel so hurt and trampled on and disrespected#and i feel like i cannot trust anyone#so my brain hones in on that i feel unsafe w everyone#but okkkk listen i know i know some ppl are very nice to me#and i appreciate that more than i can ever have words for#so.. like yeah i've gotten some asks but i cant reply bc i cant be social directly#but no i dont hate everyone on here or think every single person is awful#like when ppl are nice to me no i dont think theyre horrible#but with my trauma brain... and my past experiences#i get very sensitive sometimes and i feel like everyobe are lying to me and making fun of me#and everyone is in on a joke abt me that im unaware of#and i feel like if i lay myself bare i'll only be taken advantage of and humiliated#i just feel right now very weak and like all my skin's off#and im walking around like a huge wound and if someone even breathes on me it hurts so much#so im sorry for being mean and saying so many rude things rn im just kinda falling apart#but i still have capacity to recognize that ppl are nice to me on here ok i just dont know what ro#what to do with it*** bc im not used to that#im used to ppl bullying me or being mean and i hate that but i just cry and hurt myself and i know what to do#when someone's nice to me i feel like the world is upside down and the sky is like green and the water is red i dont get it#anyway.. yeah i hope no one reads this and when i ramble and write a lot the chance of less ppl reading gets higher#anyway... i just wanted to write this and get it out into the universe#bc i sometimes do things to isolate myself even further bc i've never had community or support or comfort or friendships so lowkey i dont#even want to nurture things that can lead to that bc idk what to do with that. how to not fuck it up.#anyway... idk what im saying or thinking even
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The problem with my art right now is that 1) the little drawing time I have goes to @daily-basil ; 2) I have phases, and am currently deeply unmotivated ; and 3) when I do draw what this blog is currently about (Arsenic) I draw him in a gay way (because I love him deeply) and not like the unhinged person he actually is. I'm sorry I'm so soft about him right now. Yes I want Sunny and him to tear each other apart but they also need to love each other so so so much first
#siiiiiiigh...#im sorry i need him to hold sunny gently and tells him he loves him and yes he'll say it in horrible unhinged ways BUT#poor man who does not know how to love and does not know he can be loved. he is convinced he needs to manipulate people to make them stay#writing down arsenic lore for tosteur like two days ago made me so emotional about him. shaking and crying#there's not even like An Event it's just that his whole childhood sucks and he's never been accepted by anyone and he's so lonely and#(starts crying)#he does horrible horrible things but all he does to sunny truly comes from love. deeply inhumane and twisted love but love nonetheless#(except when he's being a selfish ass who doesn't have any sort of morals and generally doesn't give a shit about other people. of course)#god he's such a horrible person (/simplification) i love him#he does not care about hurting other people and only cares about his own selfish desires#he thinks he can do anything he wants and if other people get hurt by his actions it's not his problem#don't you DARE touch a single hair on sunny's head. not in a 'i care about my bf' way btw.#but because if sunny gets hurt. he has to deal with that and 1) it's boring unless it brings him something and 2) that's *his* plaything.#even when he does nice things for sunny he doesn't make it just to make sunny happy#he does it so that sunny will associate happiness with him and stay.#that's what he thinks consciously at least. he always had ulterior motives for everything he does#it doesn't really make him calculating because it's automatic at this point. it just makes him deeply selfish#my poor little boy who has never had anyone genuinely care about him before...#which doesn't excuse shit of course but hhhh i love him so much.#(D if you see this. this is about the OC not the guy. of course)#arsenic#rant#sometimes i think about nick like a normal person ('he's so awful and interesting') and sometimes i just slhrflfbfb. (cries)
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