#IDK IF I WILL EVER RECOVER FROM THIS
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HELP I'M STILL AT THE RESTAURANT SITTING IN A CORNER I HAUNT CROSS LEGGED IN THE DIM LIGHT THEY SAY WHAT A SAD SIGHT I SWEAR YOU COULD HEAR A HAIR PIN DROP RIGHT WHEN I FELT THE MOMENT STOP GLASS SHATTERED ON THE WHITE CLOTH EVERYBODY MOVED ON.
I‼️STAYED ‼️THERE‼️
#taylor swift#right where you left me#the eras tour#i am not okay#HOW COULD SHE DO THIS TO ME#IT IS MY SONG#I HATE HER#THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST TORTUROUS THINGS TO EVER HAPPEN TO ME#IDK IF I WILL EVER RECOVER FROM THIS#DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE GIRL WHO LIVES IN DELUSION
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finally bit the bullet and watched arcane. nobody talk to me.
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Wild West Solavellan anyone?
#Solavellan#solas#solas x female lavellan#i played Red Dead Redemption 2 and now i'm obsessed with cowboys#i dont think i'm ever going to recover from the ending#idk i dont even have words#so this is how i'm coping i guess#something something in another world#i think cowboy solas looks very dashing#it wasn't on purpose but i love how his horse looks so sleepy
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[asmr boyfriend voice] woof woof bark bark
#hermitaday#rendog#rendog fanart#hermitblr#hermitcraft fanart#ren#my art#did i ever tell you guys me getting mcyt at all was because i watched lizzies last life pov late at night while i was sick#and ren just. stole my heart#i knew nothing about him or hermitcraft at a time i was just like this guy is so fucking weird. i need to know more#and when i searched him up the first thing i got was the inappropriate compilation#really good first impression. never recovered from it#so yeah my mental state currently is rendogs fault#anyway ive always kinda had trouble drawing him. had to pull up alot of references for this one but i think this is the happiest ive been#-with his design.#idk what it is. i think it's partially because rens got a very model like face irl and im intimidated. guy could be selling watches.#the beard + glasses combo also messes with me i think#he always looks so accursed before i slap the facial hair on him#uhhh i don't think i have any other thoughts to say. good boy good boy goodboy good boy good boy#i might make a postmortem on hadm later on rn im tired. would be fun i think. id get to finish my scrapbook
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they are NOT gay they literally said no homo 🙄🙄
#total drama#total drama island#total drama 2023#td#tdi#td chase#td ripper#td emma#td bowie#chipper#funniest ship ever to me actually#alpha male x hype house member it's so awful i love it#emma recovered from chase disease god bless#total drama reboot#td spoilers#im just going to tag all my art of newest season w spoilers just in case IDK!!!#their colors match so hashtag couple goalz🥺🥰#i feel like clarifying#i do not ship them seriously i just think it's so funny
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There's a lot of validity in the idea that older Bakugo is a traumatized pro-hero with major PTSD... but you know what's kinda fucked up to think about? The fact that Bakugo is also a 22-year-old pro-hero with major PTSD even before that, too.
It's almost easy to imagine that things are actually better when he's older (the therapy finally a routine, the trauma long set and on the path to being healed)... and that it's his whole 20s that are spent as a pool of disaster trying to recover from the war(s).
He looks back and barely even remembers being twenty, much less twenty-five or twenty-seven. Barely remembers how little he slept, not at the hands of trying to balance hero work and getting a degree at the same time, but just out of the pure insomnia that came from trying to move on and every nightmare attached.
Hardly ever showering, never shaving (not that he ever grew much of a beard, but the facial hair was definitely there. There's pictures of him on the news with an awkward, grown out haircut and patches on facial hair that make him look positively... immature), barely even eating more than a few protein bars or an energy jelly drink-a day. It's a blur, and his friends are hardly there to pick him up out of it because they're all going through it, too. Somewhat.
It's definitely weird if you meet him during this period. He's not all there, at least, not all of the time. He doesn't really register your interactions, the friendship you extend to him (a younger, or ever older, version of him would've shown you that deep seeded ferocity in response, tried to bite the hand that fed him, even if it were love... but 20s Bakugo... doesn't seem to notice). Even though only one of his eyes is clouded over, the good one never seems to brighten up.
There's definitely moments when the old him shines through: when he's with Deku, when he's in the midst of battle, when he finds out that Todoroki still does a shitty job at chopping scallions. But it's a long time before he's even close to the same, able to step out from underneath the fog of simply surviving and into the sunshine of recovering.
But I think sticking through it with him is worth it.
(It's a weird moment, a happy moment, the first time you realize that Bakugo has changed. That the pouring rain outside hasn't bothered him since he showed up at your apartment. He forgot his umbrella, he's been quite careless ever since the war—wet and shaggy hair frizzed up, cheeks red from cold—but he doesn't seem to mind, with his bare feet up on your coffee table, his eyes gazing out the window. You hand his tea, and instead of gulping it down in one go, letting it burn in his throat, he winces at the heat.
"Tastes like shit," he says, and you laugh because it always does. Just this time, he noticed.)
#bakugou x reader#bakugo#this is what crocheting a baby hat does to u#no im jk i was just thinking abt bakugo being like 22 and awkward as h*ck bc he still hasnt recovered from the war#i wanna talk abt what he's like more but this is what came out instead LOL#like i think he's really stubborn abt ... coping with after effects of dying#and then before he knows it he has major depression LMFAOO#and he can like go to work get his degree do all he needs to do as a 20-something year guy#but he's not like. *there*. you know#and you meet him and he's a binch but he's not hard to get along with#and u just sorta take him in and drag him places like idk#your school's halloween night.. or even just a night out with ur friend (he doesn't even know how to order a drink)#and he doesnt even process it all until one day he's like 'dang it feels like ive been asleep for years'#and he kinda was#but he knows youre the one who helped him and now he wants to fix himself for you bc he remembers u being there for him#but he's so funny im imagining him with like. frat boy facial hair and a really outgrown ugly mullet type haircut#and lowkey with like. greasy skin (ik he's perfect but he's in a bad state and it shows) and he eats instant noodles ever day#and only watches japanese top gear#and goes on patrols where he beats the crap outta ppl and then doesnt remember it#DREAM BOY#and then he's big hero later#anyway#caitie post#gen
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WIP that I doubt I will ever finish
Original audio: https://youtube.com/shorts/cZRCELXf8QU?si=WE94abqPTCzcxpS2
#lego monkie kid#lego monkie kid fanart#monkie kid#monkie kid fanart#lmk#lmk fanart#lmk mayor#monkie kid mayor#lmk macaque#monkie kid macaque#shadowpuppet#lmk shadowpuppet#ignore Macaque's baldness#he is going through it#I spent three hours doing this and at the beginning I was hyperfixated and obsessed with getting it done#by the end I was so done with it lmao#Idk if I will ever recover and touch this up#Mayor is so desperate here LMAO#I stand by my headcon that the S3 jet plane came from him as a gift to Macaque#Macaque is a simple monkey#he only requires the bare minimum of a compliment and the lightest touch to feel loved#this poor monkie is just touch starved#anyways shadowpuppets for life-
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another day, another j7 scene that makes me feel insane
#insane + turned on at the same time. it's a terrible predicament#olivia watches voyager#j7#seven of nine#kathryn janeway#star trek voyager#i think janeway Did need to hear this im ngl.....#like the fact that she clearly takes it on board + it affects how she proceeds with the doctor confirms that imo#and seven was making good points!#i'm glad she advocated for the doctor#bc it did feel like the whole crew was regressing a bit in their treatment of him recently idk#voyager's continually grappling with this tension between 'giving' someone their freedom/encouraging them to explore it#and then abruptly retracting that freedom when it's convenient#e.g. obvs the doctor with the memory wiping + the fairly regular 'i'm gonna deactivate ur programme' threats#seven with the 'ur an individual but there's also ever-shifting parameters to ur individuality' etc#also 'ur an individual but we will harvest u for nanoprobes on demand + ur objection will be noted but ignored' lol#but also tom in a recent ep of s5 - janeway bringing up how she freed him from the penal colony#+ also b'elanna in s5 - janeway barely giving her 2 seconds to recover#before ordering her to 'move on' from her anger re: that holo cardassian operating on her#it's like. yes all starfleet ships have their hierarchy + individual freedom exists in tension with that#but bc there's such an amalgamation of characters on voyager#from backgrounds that aren't starfleet/aren't strictly starfleet#and that - by their presence on the ship - have been 'indebted' in some way from the beginning#it all feels even more complicated#anyway why have i just written all these tags lol <3
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[chemistry] it's not a word that actors [use]. but you must endeavor a little bit to try and fall in love, in whatever that capacity is. and andrew is a very easy person to fall in love with. he's kind, generous, talented. we shot the film at the perfect junction in our friendship where there was a lot we didn't know about each other, but there was mutual admiration and respect. and a similar sense of humor. (...) yeah, it felt fizzy when we were acting. especially with that first scene at the door -- it's so well-written. you feel like you're dancing through the scene, you can go in loads of different ways, and if i went one way, andrew would go another. if that's what chemistry is, i was aware it was happening.
-- paul on chemistry and whether ‘they (andrew & paul) knew instantly that their onscreen relationship was working’ in all of us strangers, screendaily.com (1/31/24)
#i just find this whole acting thing & the process actors have to go through very fascinating. how so many of them have said that your --#mind knows that it's not real; it's make-believe but your body doesn't & it gets blurred & your body gets tricked into thinking it's --#actually experiencing all of that. no wonder sometimes actors need to take some time to recover from/get over a specific role they played.#i just recently saw claire foy talk about this & how 'you're falling in love with a person you're not in love with.' and there's a --#psychological thing happening where you can either suspend belief or you can make real what's happening. and that it can get very confusing#& how when she was watching this movie her body would react -- tears & heart palpitations -- but not because of what she saw on screen --#but because she (her body) was remembering it. it's wild & i don't think i'd ever be able to do it.#reminds me of what jessica chastain said about 'scenes from a marriage' & how her & oscar's years long friendship was changed after that#idk how these people do it; honestly; especially those actors who play really dark characters & put themselves in their minds (evan peters)#paul mescal#andrew scott#all of us strangers
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A new sculpture! Finally... I feel like I never sculpt anymore since I'm always sick or have some 500 other things going on or projects to finish, but I'm trying to schedule time to do it more often this year hopefully..! Just a generic fantasy creature as usual, but did try making the eyes a little more sparkly this time.. hrmm..
#sculpture#fantasy art#fantasy creature#art#elf#lol what are the tags I should use... I still never know.. EVIL social media.. hate the idea of tagging anything ever anyway. but alas..#I also would ideally like to start selling them again and open up custom commmissions and stuff again once I can hopefully get paypal#stuff sorted out. and find like.. a good way to do things.. etc.. I did still want to sell them through auction instead of agonizing#over setting prices being afraid they're either too high or too low. So being able to just be like. Here. this is $50. or more. or less.#negotiate. the worth is whatever you feel like it is so i personally dont have to make that decision. etc. lol... But etsy doesn't let you#do auctions or like pay what you want type stuff so.. then I was thinking ebay? but idk.. ANYWAY.. I want to set things#up so I can sell stuff again hopefully. I still haven't fully recovered from the costs of when I had to take my cat to the vet and put#them down last year and etc. So it'd be good to sell a few things. perhaps.. maychance... perhamble... so on and so forthe... ANYWAY#I was going for whiter more milky sort of hair that blends in closely with the skintone but after the paint dried it seems more yellowy kin#of. which is fine. But just not exacltly like my mind vision lol..#Also it's like... wow... someone with face spots and elf ears and a half open mouth with a gap tooth and wavy hair and kind of downturned#eyes... revolutionary... never been seen before... every sculpture I have ever made surely doesnt look licherally exactly like this... LOL#but maybe it's just a style. so what. People have their motifs lol.. Im just getting back into sculpting. I shall sameface in peace. huzzah#Just like the only thing I ever carve out of avocado pits anymore is eyes. Because that's just whats fun to do. I'm going to accumulate lik#25 similar avocado eyes and have nothing to do with them. I was thinking of stringing some together into a necklace of eyes or something li#like that but.. hrmm... ANYWAY.. Love to do the same things repetitively. :3c
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tis the season !
#the charcuterie board was devoured and ppl rly loved the cookies and the dates r usually popular#and the baked brie too!!!#and then ppl brought their own assortment of treats and drinks as well#i rly enjoyed my blackberry orange drink personally#my gf’s friend does really beautiful pottery and all the food she brought was in her gorgeous homemade pieces#was so fun i love feeding ppl and making things look pretty and festive#my gf did the insane lettering on the drink menu#and decorated so cutely#and then we all went to the halloween event at the amusement park afterwards and it was fun and cold and misty#and i mostly sat outside of haunted houses while they walked thru them haha#i struggle rly rly bad to recover from being startled and sometimes it just. turns into a panic attack even if im not like Scared?? idk#it’s stupid my body just can’t distinguish real danger from fun danger very well#but they had these “’no boo”’ necklaces i could wear so actors would then just interact w me nicely and creepily instead of jumping at me#which was still fun :-)#bummer tho i hate being mentally illlllllll#and rly embarassing bc the necklaces lit up rly bright so it was like i was wearing an im-a-weenie beacon#lolll#also shoutout to my mutual who recognized me while i was waiting for my friends and stopped to say hi LMAO that was crazy#won’t name names so i don’t dox u#but i’ve never been recognized from tumblr before was a very i like your shoelaces moment😭😭😭#top 10 most embarassing things to happen to me ever but thanks for saying hi !!!#personal
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i really shouldn't have answered the call
#it's making me want to kill myself#it's like i am back in high school again#and i have so much anger and hate in my heart again#idk if i will ever recover from this#i thought it has passed#but does it ever pass?#will i ever recover#so much trauma#so much pain#so much grief
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Me: Loudly sobbing in the closet
My sis: Are you okay? Me: Pauses Apology Tour and looks at her with tears streaming down my face
My sis: Sees my laptop with Apology Tour paused in the bg Ohhh-
#venting#apology tour has hit me very hard#helluva boss#helluva boss apology tour#apology tour#I don't think I'll ever recover from this#too empathetic for my own good#literally torn to shreds over Stolitz#ironically I kin an au Lute#this feels so fucking WEEEIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRDDD#stolitz#stolitz fan#my sister literally went “oh” when she noticed I was in the middle of the episode Idk why it's funny but it is#she thought I was crying over something else#yeah...makes sense...I hardly cry over sad scenes & this became another exception#still tearing up rn
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what fucked me up so bad to where i feel bad for putting my health before work
#mk.op#i wasn’t feeling good last week after i came home from florida#even left work early on friday which i hardly ever do#tested positive for covid today though i mostly feel okay just still kinda out of it#but works falling apart because i suck and didn’t do things right that i should have#it feels like my fault and i feel like a failure and disappointment#and hope my boss doesn’t hate me#and like idk. worse that happens is they fire me right#but man all this sudden anxiety is not helping me recover lol
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started from “good morning! you have bedhead!”, now we’re here
#a few more minutes till the ka.ji yuki vocasynth version…#m. my gosh. i dont think i’ll ever recover from this…#idk if i’ll be able to watch the stream guys… s o b s#eueeeeueueueueuueueueueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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my 1 (one) stardew opinion is shane should not have won the bachelor poll
#stardew valley#like i love shane but his storyline is not improved by him being a marriage canidate#if anything his bland post-marriage dialogue and 14 heart event dampen the message#and clint would have been a GREAT bachelor#linus not so much because he would have suffered from the same post-marriage dialogue dampening as shane#and he's too much of a free spirit to be tied down to your farm#like maybe he'd have a similar romance path as krobus? like you don't get MARRIED married but you have a commitment ceremony!!!#and the wizard... need to be in a love square with the witch and caroline...#his hidden dialogue. the situation with abigail. his adulterous past. his condescending behavior towards the player.#i also don't think he'd marry the player though. would probably make you soul bonded or something#maybe it increases your health or smth? and if you get divorced your health gets cut in half for like a week while you slowly recover#idk i really like the idea of him cursing you if you divorce him. 'not a very mature way to express anger' my ass#clint... i need to marry him...#there's a mod which makes his storyline WAYYY too similar to shane for my liking#with him going to therapy and stuff#but it DID make him realize being around emily makes him uncomfortable which i really like#i think a good route for him to go down would be him recognizing that what he feels for emily is not love or even desire#it's anxiety. emily is nice to him which makes him uncomfortable because no one is nice to him#which he confuses for attraction and he confuses her kindness for reciprocation#i think if emily ever asked him out he would turn her down#like emily would come up to you and be like 'hey i realize clint has a crush on me and i think it's really sweet so i'm gonna ask him out'#and then she does and he just goes 'O-O erm... no thank you...'#which confuses emily but she accepts being turned down and later on#clint talks to you about it like 'i thought that was what i wanted but her asking me out made me really uncomfortable and i don't know why'#and in a romance route he gets with you specifically because you make him feel calm :)#originally i wanted to say this was my most controversial stardew opinion but a LOT of people hate shane. so#also emily shouldn't have won the poll either!!!#sandy would have been a MUCH better option to flesh out her character and the desert more#marnie would have been interesting considering her relationship with mayor lewis#and i hate penny so i would fuck her mom out of spite lmaoooo
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