#actually experiencing all of that. no wonder sometimes actors need to take some time to recover from/get over a specific role they played.

[couldneverhurtusnow]

[chemistry] it's not a word that actors [use]. but you must endeavor a little bit to try and fall in love, in whatever that capacity is. and andrew is a very easy person to fall in love with. he's kind, generous, talented. we shot the film at the perfect junction in our friendship where there was a lot we didn't know about each other, but there was mutual admiration and respect. and a similar sense of humor. (...) yeah, it felt fizzy when we were acting. especially with that first scene at the door -- it's so well-written. you feel like you're dancing through the scene, you can go in loads of different ways, and if i went one way, andrew would go another. if that's what chemistry is, i was aware it was happening.

-- paul on chemistry and whether ‘they (andrew & paul) knew instantly that their onscreen relationship was working’ in all of us strangers, screendaily.com (1/31/24)

[lokiondisneyplus]

Loki director Kate Herron’s heart was beating fast. She’d already had some surreal experiences during her short time in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, so a simple phone call shouldn’t make her nervous. But on the other end of the line was Owen Wilson, an actor and writer she admired and hoped would join her on a time-jumping journey through the MCU.

“It was the most detailed pitch I’ve ever done, to an actor, ever. I pretty much spoke through the entire first episode with him,” Herron recalls of wooing Wilson, who wasn’t too familiar with Marvel before being cast as Mobius, an agent for the mysterious Time Variance Authority central to the series.

Wilson instantly put Herron at ease with his laid-back charm as she walked the actor through 10 years of onscreen lore for Loki, the god of mischief played by Tom Hiddleston. She answered his questions about Avengers: Endgame, about time travel, about how this version of Loki was not the one fans knew from films like Thor: Ragnarok, but rather one plucked from an alternate timeline from 2012’s The Avengers.

It was all part of a whirlwind few years for Herron, who not that long ago was temping at a fire extinguisher company and struggling to land directing work even though she’d already helmed a BBC project with Idris Elba. Then Herron finally achieved breakthrough success directing episodes of the Netflix hit Sex Education and soon was hounding her agents for a Marvel meeting.

When Herron finally landed one, the Loki superfan cleared her schedule and spent two weeks putting together a 60-page document, even though her agents tempered her expectations by noting it was just a meet-and-greet.

“I knew I’d be up against some really big directors, and I knew I wouldn’t be the most experienced in the room, so I [said], ‘OK. I’ll just be the most passionate,'” recalls Herron.

Just a few days after officially landing the job, Herron found herself on a five-hour walk through New York with Hiddleston discussing Loki and flying to D23 in Anaheim to be greeted by thousands of screaming fans alongside Loki head writer Michael Waldron.

Herron is now working long days finishing up Loki in Marvel’s production hub in Atlanta, where the British filmmaker has largely lived since getting the job in 2019. Over Zoom from her freezing Atlanta apartment (she still hasn’t figured out the quirks of the air conditioner), Herron dives into Loki ahead of its June 9 debut on Disney+.

What was your process of sitting down with Marvel for this?

I was just so overexcited. [My agents] were like, “Look, it’s just a casual conversation, they just want to get a sense of you,” and basically I was like, “OK, I’m just going to pitch them.” Because I thought, they might not meet me again. So I got as much information as I could, and they sent me a little bit about the show. And I just prepared a massive pitch for it. I canceled everything for two weeks. I made a 60-page document full of references, story ideas, music. I knew I’d be up against some really big directors, and I knew I wouldn’t be the most experienced in the room, so I [said], “OK. I’ll just be the most passionate.”

Was that first meeting in Burbank?

That was in England, in southeast London on Zoom. I had a few stages where I did that. Then after a few interviews with Kevin Wright and Stephen Broussard, two of the Marvel executives who got me ready for the big match, I went in to pitch to Kevin Feige, Victoria [Alonso], Lou [Louis D’Esposito], the whole team there. That was very surreal because they flew me to Burbank and I pitched at Marvel Studios. I didn’t have the job, but I found out they were interested and then I remember Kevin Feige called me, and when he was in London, we had coffee. He was like, “Look, we want you to direct it.” Oh my God. They flew me to D23 and that was crazy because I think I found out I got the job 48 hours before, and then I was onstage. The Lady and the Tramp dogs were in front of me and Michael [Waldron] on the red carpet. “What is going on?” (Laughs.) I met Tom that week as well, so it was a bit of a whirlwind kind of thing.

📷Herron, Waldron and Feige at D23 in 2019.

Where did you first meet Tom?

I had a two-stop trip. I flew first to New York to meet Tom. He was in Betrayal at the time, on Broadway, so we basically went on this amazing walk around New York. I’d never met him before. We just spoke about Loki and what was really important to us about the character and where we thought it would be fun to take him, as well. It was this intense, five-hour conversation with him basically. I met him and then flew straight from meeting him to D23. So it was a lot. (Laughs.)

When did you finally get the scripts? How did that change your thoughts on what you want to do?

They sent me the outline, so I knew the overall story. I also was pitching stuff. “Oh, we could do this with this character.” The pilot was really well written by Michael and I really liked what they were doing with the character and the story. Then it was building upon that and throwing in ideas for where he could go later in the show. It reminded me a bit of improv where you’re always building, always trying to push the story to the best place. So we were always adapting and shifting the story. Our lockdown, during COVID, was a chance for us to go back in. I was cutting what we’d done, so I was like, “OK, this is tonally what is really working for the story.” Then we went back into what we hadn’t filmed and started adapting that stuff to fit more where we were heading.

The Marvel movies have a writer on set to help tweak things. Was that the case with Loki?

Michael [Waldron] was with us at the start, and then he went on to Doctor Strange [in the Multiverse of Madness]. We had a really wonderful writer called Eric Martin from our writers room, and he was our production writer on set. It was between me, him and my creative producer Kevin Wright. We would kind of brainstorm and adapt. I’ve always loved talking to the cast. We had such a smart cast. Owen is a writer as well. If you have that amazing resource, why not talk to them? We were always adapting. Obviously paying respect to the story we wanted to tell from the start, but always trying to make it better.

📷Herron on the set of ‘Loki’ with Hiddleston and Wilson.

Kevin Feige has said Owen Wilson, like his character, is nonplussed by the MCU. Since Owen isn’t necessarily dazzled by Marvel, does that make him all the more perfect for this role?

He is playing a Loki expert, so at the beginning of production, Tom and I were talking. He devised this thing called Loki School. He did a big lecture to the cast and crew. I love the character. This is a decade of fans loving this character and where that character has been. It was talking everyone through that, but through Tom and his own experiences. Stunts that Tom liked or costumes. He ended up doing that same Loki school for Owen. Owen absolutely loved it. Owen has such a writer’s brain. I remember I had to pitch him down the phone. My heart rate [was up].

Was this the pitch to get him to get Owen on board?

Yeah. I love his work. “Oh my God, I’m going to talk to Owen Wilson.” He’s so laid back and nice, it immediately puts you at ease. It was the most detailed pitch I’ve ever done, to an actor, ever. I think I pretty much spoke through the entire first episode with him. You can tell he’s a writer, just by the way he attacks story. His questions about the world and the structure and the arc of the character. It was really fun to work with him.

Was it the most detailed pitch you’ve ever done because you really wanted Owen, or because you knew you needed to woo him a bit to get him to sign on?

It was the questions he asked, and the way he attacked story, in that sense. And also probably because he was newer to the Marvel world, he was like, “OK, how does this work?” I also pitched him Loki’s arc over the past 10 years, where that character has gone, but also explaining our Loki and what happened in Endgame and time travel. There’s a lot to unpack in that conversation.

Sometimes Marvel will give writers or directors a supercut of all the scenes of a specific character. Did you get one of those?

They didn’t actually give me a supercut, but I’m a big Loki nerd. I think his is one of the best [arcs] in the MCU. I really wanted to make sure we were paying respect to that. At the same time, something Tom spoke about a lot was you have to go back for a reason. Let’s be united on what that reason is and feel that it’s worth it.

The reason can’t be, “Well that’s what happened in Endgame,” so the question becomes, “What is the point of revisiting him at this era of his life?”

Yeah. He’s only had — I don’t want to get this wrong — I think 112 minutes of screen time in total if you cut all his scenes together. And he steals the show. We have six hours to really delve into this character and talk about him and go on this completely new story with him. For me, it was making sure that [we’re] paying respect to what has come before — I know as a fan if there is a character I really loved and I found out they are making a show about him, I obviously would be so excited and so happy. I felt lucky to have the responsibility, and I took it very seriously.

Those who have worked with Kevin Feige say he’s someone who can stress test an idea and push things in new directions. What have you found working with him?

Something I always found was we would sometimes pitch something, and it would be at a good place, but he’d always be like, “OK, that’s great, but push it further.” Sometimes I’d pitch stuff and be like, “This is too weird,” and he’d say, “No, go weirder.” He wants to tell the best story and I found it really helpful having his eye across everything and the fact that he does challenge everything. Tom as well, on set. He brings this amazing energy and this great A-game that causes everyone to rise to the occasion.

How do you know when you’ve got the perfect Hiddleston take? Is he asking you for one more, are you pushing him to do one more take?

By the end, it was almost telepathic. We would kind of know. We would look at each other. “We could go again,” or, “We’ve got it.” It’s different with every actor. There are some actors who will come in firing and they just want to go for it. But they don’t want to do a million takes. There are other actors I work with who are very meticulous and they want quite a few to warm up and get into it. It’s actor-dependent. The way me and Tom are similar is we are both very perfectionist. We are both very studious. (Laughs.) We definitely connected in that sense. He’s a very generous actor. I remember one day, we had quite a few of our actors coming in as day players. It was really important for him to be there for them, to read lines offscreen. He would have to be 50 places at once, because he is the lead actor. The most amazing thing about him was his generosity. Not just to the other actors, but also to the crew, to be filming in a time like COVID.

When you make an Avengers movie, you get a big board with every character that’s available, and whether the actor’s deals will allow them to appear or if that would need to be renegotiated. Loki is smaller, but was there any equivalent for you? Was everything on the table? Was only some stuff on the table? I imagine if Chris Hemsworth has his own new Thor movie coming up, he’s not going to be on the table, necessarily.

I felt like everything was on the table if it meant it was good for story, and Marvel would be like, “We’ll work it out.” Me and the writers, we never felt restrained in that sense. Honestly, it always comes back to story.

What is your relationship with your editor as you finish this up?

We have three editors, Paul Zucker, Emma McCleave and Calum Ross. My relationship with all three of them is very different. Emma and me are very close because she was also in Atlanta away from home. I got to know her very well. I love working with the editors because it’s a fresh pair of eyes. You get so deep into something when you are filming, it’s almost like writing it again when you are in the edit. Stuff does change. Even some episodes, we’ve reordered the structure. Or we moved scenes from one episode to another episode. I’ve always loved the editing process. The best thing is someone honest who can be like, “Hey, this doesn’t quite make sense to me,” or, “This isn’t working.”

What are you going to do on premiere day? Will you be on the internet at all to see the reaction?

I’m actually working. I’m still finishing the show. My last day is the day the second episode airs. I’m going to be working that day. Sadly, I’ll probably check in on the internet a little bit, but I’ll probably go to bed when I finish because I think I’ll do a 12- or 13-hour day or something. I can’t remember. I’m really excited for people to see it and just to bring it out in the world, really.

Everyone wants to know about spoilers, but what’s something you wish you were asked about more when it comes to Loki?

Kevin Feige said, “We make movies. We want to run it like a movie.” So unlike a lot of television shows that are showrunner-led, this was run like a six-hour film. As a director, you don’t often get to do that in a television-structure show. I really enjoyed it, having a hand in story and just how collaborative it was. Also, just beyond that, directing the equivalent of a six-hour Marvel movie was incredible for me. That’s something I found interesting about it. Making something the Marvel way.

In terms of the themes, I love gray areas. The show is really about what makes someone truly good or what makes someone truly bad, and are we either of those things? Loki is in that gray area. It’s exciting to be able to tell a story like that. As a director and a writer, you don’t necessarily understand why you are making these stories. Something I keep getting drawn back into is identity. Sex Education, we spoke a lot about identity and feeling like an outsider but actually finding your people. I feel the same with Loki. It’s a show about identity and self-acceptance and for me, that’s also what drew me in.

Gray is a good way to describe Loki. Your version of Loki just tried to take over the Earth not long ago.

Exactly. This isn’t the Loki we’ve seen. How do we take a character that people love, but from a lot earlier, and send him on a different path? That for me was interesting, getting to unpack that. Alongside that, getting to set up a whole new corner of the MCU with TVA. That to me was so exciting.

What about the Teletubbies? You referenced that recently and it made quite a splash. Are you going to leave people in suspense on that?

I referenced the Teletubbies once and people were like, “What, Teletubbies? What does this mean?” Maybe I should leave people in the air with it. One thing I would say is the show for me, stylistically — I wanted it to be a love letter to sci-fi because I love sci-fi. Brazil, Metropolis, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Alien. If people love sci-fi, they will definitely see the little nods we’ve got across the show.  People will know what it was a reference for when they see the show. It was a visual reference to something in the show.

Interview has been edited for length and clarity. Loki debuts on Disney+ on June 9.

[leviskokoro]

Dorm Leaders as Dads

📝 :: special thanks to @rrasado for giving me the idea to write this!

🌹┆𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐃𝐋𝐄 𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐄𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐒

I’m guessing he might’ve only become alright with having kids around his late 20’s to early 30’s as he worries about being a good father.

Being strict is a given considering he was raised but as Riddle is much older, he’s learned to heal from the wounds his mother dealt to him and become more lenient. Among the dorm leaders, he’s the one who is constantly trying to improve so that he doesn’t become like his mother.

Always tries to be there for his child, wanting to be the best parent for them as he knows that being a parent is a huge responsibility.

Takes parenting very seriously and does whatever he can to be a good father. Probably the most serious about this.

His child would end up being a very polite person who always tries to do what is right.

🦁┆ 𝐋𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐀 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐑

Yeahhh uh good luck asking this one for kids because it’s gonna take a while. I’m guessing he’ll only be fine with it around mid to late 30’s. He’d have to really love his spouse to actually consider it first.

He’s pretty lax with rules when it comes to his child, but still shows them he cares by actually making the effort to spend time with them. When his child has achieved something, he’ll make sure their efforts are rewarded.

He’s definitely a bit protective because he doesn’t actually want his child to face the same prejudice he got as achild. Talk shit about his child and you will regret it.

Probably not a very good father at first to be honest but he’ll try. He’s a quick learner and genius so he’ll be able to develop into a good father later down the line.

The child will end up a bit spoiled but confident and intelligent.

🐙┆ 𝐀𝐙𝐔𝐋 𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐎

Hmm I feel that Azul may be a bit focused on his business but he’ll comply with his spouse’s wishes if they ask. Possibly around mid 20’s

Immediately tried to plan out his child’s life so that they’d have a direction but his spouse likely said that it might not be too good of an idea. He kept it as a backup plan for them, in case they need it. Then, he made sure to research absolutely thoroughly about parenting. His parents didn’t play a big role in his life so he wished to be better than that.

Tweels are the child’s uncles, you can’t convince me otherwise.

Azul is not too strict but not too lax either. Sometimes he’ll be a bit busy with Mostro Lounge but still always makes sure to save some time for his child everyday. He will likely also teach the kid how to protect themselves as he doesn’t want them to be bullied like he was.

The child would grow up to be intelligent and cunning, possibly more so than their father. If they wished it, they could inherit Mostro Lounge too.

🦦┆ 𝐊𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐌 𝐀𝐋-𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐌

Would probably want kids as fast as possible, might bug his spouse for one a lot. I’m thinking early 20’s would be when they get a child.

Spoils them to the fucking max that his spouse might have to stop him at one point. No, children usually don’t own entire zoos at the age of 2. No, children usually don’t wear clothes made of the most expensive fabrics money can find—

If Jamil is still somehow around, he might become the godfather of the child.

He’s still a great father despite being a bit over the top with his affections and will always be there to support his child with whatever they wish to do in life.

Their child ends up being more spoiled than Leona’s but is pure and good-natured, very much like their father.

👑┆ 𝐕𝐈𝐋 𝐒𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐄𝐍𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐓

I take it that like Azul, Vil will be a bit focused in his line of work but it will be easier to convince him to have kids as someone who seems to be quite good with them. I’d say early to mid 20’s will be when the child is conceived.

Vil is already quite the strict mother figure to those around him and he’s not too different to his own child. He fusses and worries over them and their wellbeing a lot. But— he still makes sure they can be independent and confident.

So, as a child actor, Vil has plenty of experience on what it’s like to be one. However, he doesn’t wish to push that onto his child as there’s a lot of bad things he’s experienced in the industry. To protect them, he makes sure to keep their identity a secret to the public.

He makes sure that he supports his child despite his busy schedule and makes for a wonderful and supportive father. Their efforts will never be unnoticed by him because he knows how it feels to have your efforts wasted.

The child grows up to be confident and strict but also bright and charming.

🔧┆ 𝐈𝐃𝐈𝐀 𝐒𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐃

Probably around his 30’s. I don’t know if his heart would be ready for the responsibility of taking care of a child until that age. It just takes so much energy.

Awkward as hell about it and even tried making android nanies for the child to take care of the child instead of him because he’s worried he would mess up. His spouse would probably reassure him that he’ll be alright and that they’d help him along the way.

If he can’t make android nannies for the child, he’ll make sure to make robot pets so that the child is never lonely even when he’s busy with something.

Even if he’s awkward, Idia tries his best for the child and hopes they see that.

The child grows up to be a bit socially awkward but loveable and a gamer.

🐉┆ 𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐔𝐒 𝐃𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐀

Considering we don’t seem to have an exact age for Malleus, I’ll just say he’s probably chill with kids whenever you’re comfortable.

He’s a great father considering he’s already had experience raising Silver and has Lilia to guide him along the way.

The only downside to him is that as the King of the Valley of Thorns, it’s likely that he’ll be the busiest father among the seven dorm leaders. But worry not, his duties can’t hold him from being a wonderful father to his child all the time.

The child will have many guardians as they grow up like Lilia (the most prominent one), Silver, and Sebek.

Since the child is royalty, they’ll likely grow up to be regal and elegant with grace that rivals the Witch of Thorns herself.

[unnursvanablog]

Derry Girls / Tv show review.

This is just my opinions on all three seasons of Derry Girls. Little to no spoilers below.

Derry Girls is such a wonderful pocket-sized story, that wasn't really suppose to become as big as it is, about a small group of friends in Derry in the 90s. The story has a very low-key feel to it and it has wonderful focus within the story on the friendship of these teens in Derry. It truly manages to capture what it's like to be a teen, where all your worries about fitting in, finding love and all of that are the biggest thing in your life. It does not matter if there are riots in the streets. And Derry Girls does that all so well with some dark, sarcastic humor.

The location of the story does feel very specific and yet it can have a certain universal feel to it as you follow this little friendship group along and all the odd characters that appear in their lives. It sort of manages to get to feeling nostalgic to a place and time you never really experienced yourself.

Girls is full of 90s pop culture (and a lot of it's is British) that sometimes flies over my head and it does have this autobiographical nature to it (which it is) which is part of it's charm. It feels quite personal and I think it helps with telling this coming-of-age story with all the extremes of teenage life, the big emotions, bad ideas and friendships that is the core of it all. The story isn't big but it doesn't need to be.

And I for one have to take my hat off to the writer and the cast for being able to make this sort of teenage drama and actually make me care about it. And that is just due to the focus on friendship and the way it talks about for example the desire to drink alcohol, or longing for the opposite sex (or the same sex), and all that without this asexual that never tasted alcohol getting bored or turned off by it. That's how a lot of other teen-focused dramas talk about and glamorize those parts of teenage-life (all though that’s mostly American ones where everything has to be exaggerated). Here it is done with too much sincerity so it just works. It never feels glamorized.

There is something particularly effortless about the way Derry Girls tells it's story. It seem to be both raw and polished at the same time. Each episodes doesn't really tell us much of a story, They often go by fast, they are fun but it can feel like they aren't about anything particular. And yet each episode seemed to bring deliver what it needed to deliver to tell the story of what it was like living in Derry during that time and this sense of belonging to that community does shine through very well once you look at the whole thing.

And all the actors are absolutely brilliant in their roles. There is a perfect balance between humor and this sort of tragedy that looms over everything. There is also a wonderfully good balance between all of these great personalities found in Derry Girls. There's really something for everyone there, I think.

Just like in many other comedies the character do grow a bit with each problem they face within the story but at the same time feel a bit stagnant just so that the humor, the recurring jokes and everything works. There's plenty of that in Derry Girls, but also you may not notice how the characters change within the story or how the story changes with them, until you get the big picture at the end.

Derry Girls manages to feed us new ways to tell us this coming-of-age story and the humor persistent in it all through all three series. The quality of the writing never fluctuates or falters as we go further into the series. It seems to have a wonderful handle on its own chaos.

Although I sincerely wish we could get more episodes of Derry Girls and season three was not the end, I do think the show did end at a perfect time for this story. Which is always a good thing. Let each story come to an end when it needs to, not stretch it unnecessarily out for the sake of popularity until everything that was good about the show is gone. There was so much love and hope and sincerity at the end of Derry Girls. It truly managed to capture the spirit of the show and I feel like Derry Girls managed to end in a way that it will always be a found memory.

[project-paranoia]

Let’s Watch: Yin Yang Master: Dream of Eternity

I have watched this movie 85 Whole Entire Times and I do not regret.  The only thing wrong with this movie is that it wasn't a fifty episode series.  I cried, I laughed, I fell in love.  The cinematography is on point, the acting is amazing, the crew member who put snow on people's eyebrows did an amazing job, and the acting!  The subtlety, the gentleness, the love and affection, the discussion of race is one of the best I've ever seen.

As people have pointed out before in series like X-Men that fear of mutant's is practically if not thematically justified due to the laser eyes in a way that fear of ethnic minorities just isn't in real life.  In Dream of Eternity however humans are equally if not sometimes more super powered than the yao they hunt.  Demons - very much not in the Christian sense - are a mixture of spirits, resentful souls, and animals and plants who cultivated to human form.  They often appear human at first glance and in some cases the extent of their power seems to be the limited to turning into a smaller more vulnerable animal.  Qingming's deliberate care and gentleness not only reflects his upbringing as a Yin Yang Master, but parallels the experience of racial minorities labelled as aggressive.

The movie takes particular care as well in the way it looks at trauma, grief, and love.  The three of which haunt the main characters and send out ripple effects into the world around them.  In the world of Dream of Eternity no loss is purely private, it spools out into the world around the person effected until they make an effect to acknowledge and deal with their experiences.  Qingming's warmth and gentleness isn't just marked by his behaviour but by the orange light he's lit by and his variety of shishen - but he is also separate, standing alone in frame and facing away from the people around him.  Boya's loss has made him unforgiving and as cold as the blue light he's lit in, and yet he is open and instinctive, talking and acting as soon as the thought enters his head.  The Empress is lost and drifting, trapped and grief stricken, vulnerable to those who profess to love her.  The film is simple, it says and shows what it means when it means it - but it is also as complex as the very human characters it depicts.  

The movie is made even more complex by its pull from theaters.  Claims of plagiarism drench the edges of the movie, which as true as the assertion that Fan BingBing went on a spa vacation in 2018.  Although this blog is about Chinese censorship dealing specifically with BL content, Chinese censorship also effects those who criticize governmental policy.  I hope that supporters of this blog will also support Chinese media threatened by censorship for many reasons so that artists and others involved in film making can continue to make meaningful content.

Doing a watchthrough of a movie is not feasible, but please enjoy a few thousand words - with spoilers on Yin Yang Master included:

* That gentle chiming and rain soundscaping is so soothing, what a great way to calm and lull the audience before the movie even starts * Qingming is so small and isolated in the frame - cinema! * The lighting and cinematography is just so good * Shifu, soft gentle teacher * So much love stored in the Shifu * Instant grow * This boy is Sassy * This theme of deflection in Qingming's character is established early * Deflection with a teleportation portal and then immediately deflection verbally * Shifu is certainly an attractive man aged up, but his face is also soft and gentle, something to note when his double pops up later * Also the awkward question of don't you have someone you want to protect, maybe part of the problem is that shifu is just really bad at wording things * The answer that yes he does has several meanings, one of which is immediately apparent when Shifu acts out one of those Father Saves Child By Yeeting them youtube videos * ACtion MuSIC * I love them your honour * The spirit guardian's design is so specific and elegant, absolutely superb you funky little shishen * I wonder if Qingming ever thinks about that if he didn't come back with all his fellow disciples that Shifu would have been fine * Maybe it's not that he doesn't have someone he wants to protect and more that he believes that he's not capable of protecting those he wants to * subtle indication Shifu's qi is corrupted * Precious Magic Childe ;-; * The framing, I'm living for it * The Serpent graphic is lovely * Also the way they set things up * Qingming cares so much about his shifu * Mark Chao just has the ability to crumple his face like paper * Sad Time exposition involving the corrupting influence of desires * "When you're gone I'll be all alone" in just about all you need to know about Qingming at this point in the story * Also like, sympathy for Shifu in raising this lonely child.  By all accounts he was an absolutely superb father figure, and Qingming I'm sure was not an easy child to raise.  He's the sort of kid that would take a lot of calm and patience. * Slumber party! * It's kind of interesting that this is an activity Fangyue and He Shouyue are doing together.  He's definitely obsessed and in love with her and she's just doing friends and family activities with him * Also yellow/gold lighting is kind of their thing * It's interesting how they do the make up for He Shouyue.  The actor is very attractive, but they make him up to look doll like, a little too pretty, a little too shiny.  Like a porcelain doll. * Cool lit Boya and warm lit Qingming appear! * Camels! * The framing is so good, they're careful to be sure he's shown as obviously isolated as much as possible * And it should go without saying that I adore the City * The matte painting is outstanding * But there's also the lighting, the vignettes, the clusters, the foliage * It is a supremely beautiful set * The irony that Killing Stone is playing along with Boya's music and then it's Boya who kicks him around * A small note, but one I appreciate - even when Boya has warm highlight's they're red instead of orange * "It's Jason Bourne!" * I hope Qingming paid for that water taxi * It's interesting how Killing Stone goes from the safety of Qingming's orange light to the danger of Qingming's blue * Colour related foreshadowing! * Look at this poor sweet man, how could anyone suspect him of anything.  He's just a sad man who loves his dead wife * Qingming's use of a fan is interesting - battle fans show up all over wuxia and xianxia, but it feels like it also ties into the way he's so very careful in how he presents himself.  There's that quote that a sword can only be a sword but other weapons are also able to serve other purposes - not a perfect quote but the point is got across. * The way Qingming just knocks Boya back, like get An Clue, my dude * The way that Killing Stone curls around the pipa ;-; * So the movie is based on the book series 'Onmyoji' by Yumemakura Baku.  The books start with Seimei (Qingming) and Hiromasa (Boya) already in a relationship talking about various cases Seimei has recently experienced.  Plotwise, obviously the stories are different, however thematically Seimei and Hiromasa discuss why some yao stick around and solutions to the difficulties and dangers they might cause - which is generally from Seimei's very successful perspective to listen and treat them like humans.  So in that way the plots of the books and the movie are quite different, but the themes are just about identical. * Boya says Don't Talk Me I Angy and also that demons don't have feelings and Qingming's face takes out a billboard that's just like Ah, Another Fantasy Racist, Excellent * Qingming also does what should be done in this situation, taking care of the victim not the racist * Fight scene!  Fight scene! * Qingming's first few moves aren't to attack, they're to distract and just hold his fan up to block Boya's way and his view - it's only when Boya persists in attacking that Qingming fights back * Qingming's sassy smile, he is very much deliberately irritating Boya as much as he's refocusing his attention and distracting him * "nICE sWORD" * I've sighed that sigh before * This boy is taking great pleasure from teasing Boya, but also he makes a really good point * I understand and relate to what Qingming did, but also I can understand why Boya was ready to throw rocks at Qingming when he saw him again * Killing Stone lit in Qingming's orange light again * Killing Stone, my beloved * A good gauge to the state of the world for yao is no one has told this sweet boy before that demons have feelings too * There are several lines like this in the movie that just drop kick you with Implications * The same way Qingming clung to Zhongxing, Killing Stone wants to join up with Qingming to have some compassion in his life * The way he asks to be a spirit guardian is so formal too, and Qingming is so gentle with him, I cry ;-; * The warm orange light of Qingming's love ;-; * He heals the wounds * It took me an embarrassing amount of time to realise it's the actual imperial degree speaking and not one the of Jingyun Temple Masters * The mutual this guy again is delicious * "Is it because of your pretty face" * Boya draws his sword so fast and Qingming is so amused by it * Longye!  Queen!  I love her! * The two of them seem to understand each other instantly * Those sassy little smiles * He Shouyue looks even more like a doll than before * Longye has her head on a swivel from second one, she plays the Maiden so well like she's not a skilled master * And her customer service smile * Qingming is shooketh

* What happens next?  You'll have to watch and find out!

[mcheang]

Hello. It's been a while. :) Post-Miracle Queen: There’s an Akuma who turns people into cute baby animals. During this state, people don't have memories as humans. They act like an animal would. Marinette gets hit and becomes the class pet until Ladybug fixes everything. Lila doesn't like this and having to pretend to coo over her rival. Her fake enthusiasm and plots to get Marinette banned temporarily from school gets her caught eventually by angry classmates.

Baby Mari

This is a draft

It’s annoying when your older siblings pull the whole “I’m older” card on you. Sometimes it can lead to deep, negative emotions. Something Hawkmoth takes advantage of when he akumatizes Perrine, fed up with her bossy older brother telling their mother she isn’t responsible enough for a pet yet.

So she is transformed to the Pacifier, and is heading for Dupont, where her brother is.

With a shake of her rattle, Pacifier sprinkles glitter on her victims, who turns into adorable baby animals.

The students were used to akumatizations and ran for it. Except Marinette couldn’t just leave Alya behind to film. And she got caught in the glitter as well.

Alya picked up a baby....bunny? (What? The ears could resemble pigtails when flattened)

https://youtu.be/_v94XqFW4Qw

Somehow Tikki avoided discovery. This is terrible. With the Guardian gone, Chat Noir will be on his own! Well, Mr Bug will be on his own, because the akuma has to be purified.

After Pacifier departed with her new pets, she went to find her mother.

School resumed. Alya had permission to bring Marinette to class since her parents didn’t allow pets in the bakery and it would probably take an hour for the akuma to be defeated. Otherwise, the bakery would be shut down for a while as Tom and Sabine looked through pet care guides.

As the class cooed over Marinette, Lila scowled over the loss of attention. With Chloé gone into hiding, there was one less contender for the spot of class queen.

Rose noticed Lila hanging back. “Come give her a pet Lila. She won’t bite. Marinette is such a cute bunny, and her fur is so soft!”

Lila plastered on a relieved smile, like she was glad people think she could get close to Marinette now.

Except as soon as the bunny smelled the liar, she instinctively bit the finger.

Lila: OW!

Lila recoiled, clutching her bleeding finger.

But instead of trying to comfort her, the girls actually chided Marinette in soft tones. “No, Mari, we don’t bite people.”

Alix: Wow, even in bunny form Marinette doesn’t like Lila.

Kim: you should go to the nurse Lila.

Lila: is no one going with me?

Everyone stared at her like she was being ridiculous.

Alya: Lila, it’s not a major wound. You don’t need us to follow you around everywhere. You’ll be fine.

Mylene: maybe Marinette’s hungry?

Adrien: does anybody have snacks? I have some Camembert but I read that rabbits shouldn’t eat those.

And just like that, Lila was dismissed from their minds.

As she stared in furious disbelief, Max glanced back to remind her to go.

That’s it. Time for the rodent to go.

Lila waited until lunch before grabbing Marinette with the lunch lady’s gloves. She just caused a food fight before grabbing Marinette as everyone turned to look at the spectacle.

As Lila headed to the second floor, she intended to drop Marinette from that height on the concrete, but the class quickly noticed her absence and spread out, calling for her.

Of course someone had to notice Lila was wearing gloves.

Lila quickly claimed she was trying to get Marinette to the safety of the class. That got her some gratitude, until wrinkled noses pointed out that Marinette must have confused rubber gloves for a litter box. Said gloves were currently dripping on Lila’s favorite shoes.

Alya managed to get Marinette out of Lila’s grip before she strangled the bunny.

Maybe she should try shooting the bunny instead. People hunt bunnies right?

Nah. Too much work.

Fine, how about insisting that pets are not allowed in school? But Damocles has been turned into a baby owl and Ms Bustier was all for letting the class bond over a class pet. ...is it too late to pretend she has a late-acting allergy?

Ooh. Lila’s got it. She goes to talk to a school assistant instructing some students on how to care for their new class Chinchilla.

Lila goes up, praising him for his hard work and knowledge but also offers her sympathies for cleaning up after the animal messes. And don’t they shed too?

Unfortunately the assistant turns out to be Mylene’s father. Wasn’t he supposed to be an actor? And he calls over Mylene to tell Lila where she put the gloves and poop bags.

And as for the shed hair, even humans have hair loss.

Mylene thinks it’s wonderful of Lila to volunteer for poop duty, but she shouldn’t be surprised. The excited Mylene hands Lila her new equipment before she can protest.

Lila is furious. But she eventually makes use of an opportunity to sweep Marinette into the pan and throw her into the dumpster. Everyone else backed off when Lila suggested they take her shift, hence they didn’t see Marinette getting swept up.

Except there was no way for them not to notice Marinette was missing once Lila had gone. Suspicious, Adrien stopped Lila.

Inside the pan, they found a stinky bunny.

Lila: oops, I must have accidentally caught her.

Adrien: how do you accidentally catch a bunny when her....um...business is smaller than she is?!

Lila: I don’t watch while sweeping.

Kim: that is just plain stupid.

Mylene: aren’t you supposed to be an expert at this sort of thing?

Lila nearly squawked in outrage at the idea that being a frequent volunteer means being experienced at clean up.

Alya: maybe you better take a day off? You don’t seem to have a way with animals. You can get away because the akuma is still out.

Lila couldn’t believe it. They were actually kicking her out. She was going to protest before Rose started insisting they give Marinette a proper wash.

Lila tries to volunteer for that but Max interrupted, “Sorry Lila. But with what has already happened, you’re more likely to choke Marinette with soap than otherwise.”

He wasn’t that far off. Lila would have likely drowned the baby animal.

Lila stormed out of school. As luck would have it, she crossed the Pacifier’s path.

A sprinkle of glitter.

Where once stood a teenage girl now stood a crow fledgling. Shame how nobody was around to witness this. Lila the crow lay helpless on the ground, until the Pacifier plucked her up and dumped her into a pram stuffed with other baby animals. It was a tight squeeze, and suffocating since the baby crow was smaller than the other animals.

It took some time for Mr Bug to defeat the Pacifier, though it helped that Pacifier was distracted by the sight of a baby bunny rolling around in flour.

When the Miraculous Mr Bug was cast, Marinette found herself safe at home. Lila found herself on the street sucking on a worm.

Lila spat it out. “Ew!”

When Marinette returned to class, her friends still coddled her and pampered her, much to her bemusement. Lila just glowered from the back. She never wanted to see another baby animal ever again.

Caline: alright class, settle down! Welcome back Marinette. Since we had such fun taking care of Marinette, I thought of a fun project for home economics.

Ms Bustier moved aside to reveal hamsters in their own cages.

You have got to be kidding me! Lila thought furiously. Her assigned hamster likes to bite too.

To rub salt in the wound, Marinette and Adrien were the proud new parents of Fu the hamster.

[queencamden]

Hi! Once you get this you have to say five things you like about yourself, publicly, then send this to ten of your favourite followers (non-negotiable) SPREAD POSITIVITY 💌😘 (But if you've received this before, or just don't feel like answering, no need to answer. I just want you to know I love you and appreciate you <3)

Awwww, this is actually the nicest thing ever. I literally almost cried (doing better now though. Quarantine just had me in a bad mood.)

1. I am a very considerate person. This sometimes gets me in trouble, just because I CARE so much about other people. But, now that I think about it that is a strength. I love (most) people! They’re great! And if any of them are upset, I will awkwardly comfort them, to the best of my ability.

2. I’m a pretty snazzy writer! Like, not to brag but a lot of my writing is like.... actual professional quality which is really cool. (I have been told this by Actual Professional People yee yee) I love it, and I genuinley think I could have a career as an author (not yet obviously but eventually). Words are just so pretty, and I love them and AGGGGHHG. I also write pretty consistently and am able to write at LEAST 800 words per day, which is pretty great, and also resulting in War And Peace style tomes that I have to cut down SEVERELY.

3. I’m smart! Obviously there are a lot of different kinds of smartness but I’m lucky enough to be smart in the most stereotypical sense. I memorize things like a PROOOO it’s pretty great (especially as an actor- pretty much never have to practice lol) I also love to learn, analyze and broaden my horizons. Tell me some funky symbolism in a piece of literature and I will OBSESS. The one exception to this point is math because math sucks.

4. I am a good actor and also director (technically two points but whatever). Acting to me, is truly what I live for. I didn’t really realize that until recently, because I haven’t done it in so long (thanks COVID). The feeling of it is so beautiful and while acting I am the best version of myself. I am always eager to try new things and learn new techniques, try comedic and dramatic roles, do everything because it’s STORYTELLING I’M MAKING A STORY RIGHT HERE IT’S BEAUTIFUL. As for directing, I definitely have a long way to go, but the fact that my biggest flaw is how hard I try to AVOID the “angry mean director” stereotype probably means I’m pretty good. I actually got some recognition in my community for it, which was pretty cool, and I’d love to do it in the future. I love art, I’m so deeply passionate about it. It has this beautiful, essential quality that makes it necessary to live. The feeling of DOING ART is one of the most wonderful things I have ever experienced, the moment of a performance, of pure inspiration. And art can be whatever you want it to be! I love that! It’s whatever you want it to be! It’s different for every person! And it’s beautiful, it’s beautiful. Anyway, the fact that I have an appreciation of that makes me both incredibly lucky and incredibly snazzy (so this was technically three points. I’m on a positivity roll today.)

5. I’m kind. So, so kind. This relates to the top point but I just want to help people so bad. I want to love everyone I want them to be their absolute happiest. If somebody appreciates something I did for them, if I am something that makes them happy in any way I will be happy too. If one small action can make a difference to someone, I will take it. I want everyone to be happy all the time, to the point where I get legit flustered when somebody’s upset, because they don’t know what to do. I just want to help, and spread love. Because love, along with art, is one of the greatest things humanity has to offer.

Yeah, this got long but I’m not sorry. I really hate this modern culture of not being proud of your achievements, while letting your flaws define you. It leads to clinging to a flaw because it’s who you ARE, while refusing to see all the ways you are great. And yeah, it’s good to NOT brag about how great you are at something, or act like you’re above people, but pride in your achievements is good. It’s great. Because she f you receive no other reward from it, you don’t have to. Your pride is the reward. That knowledge that “I did something great.”

I’m tagging @captainofthegreenpeas (right back at you my dude) @poisonerrose @alwaysbored005 @theobhan @a-portrait-made-with-words @thathoughtfulwriterturtle19 @angelkitty6 @queenaboleyna @silverscene (don’t know you that well but you seem pretty cool) and @space-buns-arsinoe

Also apparently I’m not following the last two so FIXED THAT (for the first I’m sure I had, and for the second, I thought I did because TDC posts are so spread around that I saw a lot of posts but it guess wasn’t actually following)

[oftenderweapons]

Stress Reliever - Jungkook

Pairing: Jungkook x reader (nicknamed Candy)

Wordcount: 5.3k words

Genre: mild angst, smut, romance

Rating: 18+

Hi everyone! It’s the final scenario of Stress Reliever and this time it’s the Golden Maknae!!!

I bet you’re all excited to see what is he going to do to release some frustration with his s/o. Don’t expect him to go easy.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: angst-smut-fluff (the profane trinity) jealousy and mild angst at the beginning, s/o has a mild age kink and JK is not exactly okay with this. Big fat degradation kink and well... yeah. Unprotected sex within an established relationship (please, be careful!!!), edging, wall sex (yk....,.,..,,,,), kinda hard dom JK but not really? So much dirty talking my keyboard is burning and I had do erase my browsing history, oral (female receiving), ass, tiddies and pussy spanking (ups), anddddd likeeeee,.,.,.,,,,,,..... voyeurism. BUt most importantly PraISe KinNnNNNKKKKkkkkK I’m sorry this one is so bad I have no excuses, I’m a slut for praise kink, please it’s so bad I melt every time someone calls me baby and good girl even in a non sexual context and it’s so embarrassing I’m gonna explode byeeeeee-----

Here is my masterlist ❤

Wordcount: 5.3k, unedited. Enjoy!

—————————————————

“God, he’s so hot.”

Jeongguk ignored whatever it was that you were talking about on the phone with your best friend. It wasn’t his business anyway. 

Both you and the voice on the phone giggled. You were probably talking about some film or something. “Bet he could go for hours.”

Jeongguk tutted at that, his snack almost ready in the microwave, hoping he’d be able to leave the kitchen as soon as possible. 

“Yeah, I have Googie, and I would never make a move on anyone else, but what’s wrong with innocently commenting on some older dude? He’s absolutely daddy material, let me fantasise a little about that.” Again you giggled. 

Jeongguk frowned at that. He wished he didn’t have to listen. He felt guilty since you thought he wasn’t in the room. 

“Koo is wonderful. A dream, truly. Still I love me a tough, mature man, at least in my imagination, every now and then.” You sounded coy. 

Really? Jeongguk’s frown intensified. He felt like he didn’t want a snack anymore at this point. Like he wanted another kind of snack.

“And I love Koo. Don’t forget that.” You continued.

He cocked his head to the side and nodded at that. That was a good sign. 

“Still… Damn, look at him. He’s in his forties and looks like a sex god.” You commented about the male lead actor. 

Jeongguk snorted and huffed at that. One more minute, he considered, watching the timer of the microwave.

“No. Listen. Consider this. He’s the kind of man who can lead. You can tell. How could he be eager and impatient? He knows good things take time. That’s the thing about older men. Maturity. Experience. They know they need to take their sweet time. That was the only good thing about my ex. You know it.” Your voice was plain, almost neutral as you said this. Matter-of-factly. 

Jeongguk was sick of this by now. Did you think he was too eager? Too impatient? Too young and naive? That he couldn’t lead you? That he couldn’t take his sweet time?

Well, now he was in a mood and he had each and every intention to take it out on you. He propped himself against the entrance of the living room, waiting for you to notice him. 

Unfortunately for you, you continued your conversation. 

“Yeah, sometimes Koo has his teenage shenanigans. Tantrums and shit. But he’s my boy.” You confessed, voice slightly lower. “Still… Yeah, sometimes I think ‘what if…’”

What if what? He cleared his throat. 

You lifted your head and finally spotted him. Your mouth opened, and so did your eyes, wide like saucers. 

“Get off the phone.” He growled. 

You closed your mouth. “Gotta go.”

“He’s there, isn’t he?” Your friend asked. 

You nodded, then, realising you needed to verbalise, you whispered a little ‘yes’. 

Your friend wished you good luck before disconnecting the call. You put your phone down.

“Need to tell me anything?” Jeongguk asked, arms crossed and tattoos showing. You spotted the almost invisible initial of your name hidden in one of the black swirls of ink. 

“It was nothing serious. Just gossip.” You defended yourself. 

“Teenage shenanigans. Tantrums.” He recalled. “Guess this is one of those.” He accused. 

“It’s… not like that?” You tried finding an apology, realising how cliché it sounded only the moment it left your mouth. 

He moved closer, expression dark and upset. “How do you want to solve this?”

You bit your lip. “However you want to.” You were testing the waters, seeing what his mood was. 

“Then stand up.” He ordered. 

You blinked a couple times before following his direction. “Koo?”

“No talking.” he replied. “You already said enough.” He threw you over his shoulder, exasperated at your scene. 

You squealed and huffed in surprise. “Jeongguk!”

“Quiet.” He secured with his arm, landing a loud spank on your ass. 

Again you squealed. “What are you–”

“Can’t you understand ‘no talking’? I thought an experienced girl like you had to be smarter than this.” His anger was beginning to show and you were actually somewhere between turned on and scared. You had seen him sweet and enamoured and insecure and upset, but rarely truly angry. 

���Sorry.” You murmured softly as his steps made you wobble against his back. He was carrying you to bed. For sure. 

A few seconds later you recognised your bedroom, and you felt your body being thrown down, landing on the mattress. In a blink you found Jeongguk’s heavy body on top of yours, his mouth at your ear. “Am I not good enough for you?” He teased. 

“You know I love it.” You replied shyly. 

“You love the sex. But am I good enough for you?” He asked again. 

“Yes. Yes, you are, Koo.” You answered firmly. 

“Let’s see if you hate it so much. Sex with this eager, impatient, younger boy.” He provoked. He was moving so fast. He was moving lightning-fast, one moment he was fully dressed and the following he was shirtless and attacking your own clothes, unbuttoning your jeans, tugging at them and taking them off of you. “Bet you’re already drenched. You were so thirsting after that old man.” He threw your jeans behind him, somewhere off the bed. 

“I only want you, and you know it.” You bit back. 

“Stop lying.” He warned. He took off your shirt with angry pulls, almost ripping it, your body collaborating in fear he would hurt you in the process. “You fantasise.” He reminded you. 

No, you don’t. Not willingly, at least. Of course, you’re an adult woman and you’re free of thinking whatever you want. Of course if you see a charming man, you might think of him sexually. But that doesn’t mean you’re not satisfied with what you have. That you would give up your boyfriend for a fantasy. 

“Koo, you’re the only man I want to fuck.” You reassured him, putting your hands around his face, trying to calm him down. 

“So I’m a man now? Not a boy anymore?” he asked, unlatching your bra. 

“You’re always my man to me, you know it.” You hoped the sight of your breasts would make him sway a little. 

It didn’t.

“You called me your boy. Just back then, on the phone.” He bared you with frustrated tugs and pulls. 

“Am I not your girl?” You asked, touching him on his chest, his shoulders, his neck. Anything to express your need for him. 

“Not like I’m patronizing you.” He turned you around, smacking your ass again as he removed your panties, baring your behind. “So fucking condescending.”

You bit your lip, now profoundly sorry for the way you had treated him. “I said some very dumb things, Jeongguk, and I apologise.”

“Good. Now let me prove my point.” He agreed. 

“Want to fuck me good?” You asked, incapable of hiding your arousal. 

“You were talking so much shit that I think you’ve forgotten what this is about.” Another smack. 

Once more you found yourself lying on your back, your naked body now bare to his stare. His pants were tented at the front, the outline of his cock so delicious, thick and half hard. 

“Love, please.” Your hands moved to his waistline, reaching for his sex. 

“Oh, no. I’m taking my sweet time, ____. Starting from here.” He bent down and pressed a hard kiss to your lips, making you moan and whimper before his own mouth opened, his tongue disturbingly sensual and heavy in his assault to your mouth. You were now eager and impatient, while he took everything deliriously, deliberately slowly. “What next? Do you want your nipples licked?” He murmured.

You only nodded, your chest already feeling heavier and oversensitive. 

“Oh, no. That’s for boys. Boys latch onto their mommy’s tits. Men don’t do that, do they?” He replied, grabbing your breast aggressively, parting from your mouth before delivering a quick slap on the skin there. 

You barked out in pain, the sensation not unpleasant but rather surprising. 

“You like it?” He waited for your nod before repeating the gesture. “Is it how a real man would do this?” He asked. 

“Want your mouth, Googie.” You begged. 

“Googie… Ridiculous. Even in bed you treat me like a child.” He hit you again, this time harder. “Can’t take me seriously, can you?”

You were already on the verge of begging. 

“Such a lame show.” He let his hand venture down to your navel, down to your mound, and dive between your thighs. “Tell me, what is it that made you wet?”

You whined at the sensation of his fingertips there, incoherent babbling leaving your mouth. 

“Answer me, babe.” He urged.

Your eyes went wide at the word. He was using every single one of your earlier mistakes against you. Reminding you exactly what you’ve done wrong, but also showing you everything that had hurt him.

“You made me wet.” You informed him. 

“Me slapping your tits?” He snickered darkly.

“You wanting me. You looking always so fucking hot. You giving me everything I need. You being everything I’ll ever need.”

His eyes turned into cold slits. “You sure know how to sweet talk your ass out of problems, don’t you?” He cupped your heat, at which you parted your legs to invite him to make himself comfortable there, to give you his attention. In response he lifted his hand, only to let it land harshly on you. You screamed. Pleasure. Echoing through your veins. Running like wildfire inside your limbs and finally concentrating in your lower belly. “That might work with your boys. Remember? I’m your man tonight. And you’re in trouble, you silly, silly girl.”

Your first reaction was to fill your lungs with some fresh air, before writhing against his grip, the sheets burning your skin. "Jeongguk." 

"Yes?" He replied, looking you in the eye as his palm brushed against you. 

"I wanna be yours." 

"You want this impatient boy?" He asked, the muscles of his jaw tense. 

You tried kissing him, only brushing your lips against his. “I need you, Jeongguk. All of you. Now.”

“Don’t you want me to take my time?” He asked, slowly, oh-so-slowly, caressing your sex. “Don’t you want me to make you wet? Get you all ready and messy?”

“I love my impatient boy. And my meticulous man.” Your lips left a butterfly kiss just shy of his mouth, eyes closing. 

“Tell me how you want me.” He groaned. 

“However you want, Koo. You’re always so good.” Your hips pushed harder against his digits. “Do your best.”

“Then let me show you I’m always the best.” He murmured, his breath fanning over your face. He was laying on his side, hand still dipped between your thighs. He got rid of his sweatpants quickly, his underwear coming off in the same movement. You couldn’t help but watch, eyes entranced to the beauty of his nakedness. You could stare at him for hours. Unfortunately, he had other plans. 

Standing up from the bed he circled around it, looking at you like you were his prey, his prize. 

“Sit.” He ordered, pointing at the edge of the bed, right in front of where he was standing. Of course you were going to obey. His chiselled body was right there, for you to watch, touch and worship, your mouth just in front of his navel. His sex looked awfully flush, tip red with excitement, beaded in precum. You wanted a taste; however the palm reaching for him was stopped by his wrist. “My rules, brat.”

You inhaled sharply while he bent down, securing your legs around his waist. “Hold on tight, ____. Not gonna say it twice.” and with that he picked you up, like you weighted nothing.

Your arms snaked around his neck, legs tightening at his waist, crossing behind his back. 

“First here. Then we’ll see.” And with that he placed you against the wall, his mouth joining your neck, placing sloppy kisses and licks. “Do you want me to mark you or is it too childish?” He growled hard behind your ear. 

“Bite me, mark me, do whatever you want, I just need you inside, Koo.” You moaned, trying to lure him in. 

“Such a needy slut, uh?” He whispered at your ear. “This what you want?” And with that he pinned you hard against the wall, one hand guiding himself at your entrance and sliding into you in one smooth stroke, perfectly hitting your sweet spot at the first go. 

The small humming sound that rumbled in your throat found its twin on his lips. 

“I said, is this what you want, slut?” He teased you again. 

“Yes, Koo.” You muttered, only half coherent. 

He snickered. “Great.” Placing his hands on your ass, helping you up, he pulled out of you, his tip almost slipping out before entering again in full force. “That feels nice, doesn’t it?”

You murmured in confirmation, pressing harder against him. It was different from usual. He was thrusting in slower and deeper, enjoying your tightness, his eyes closed, his hair falling forward as he pushed into you. 

“So tight, baby, how come you’re still so fucking tight?”

“God, you’re so big.” One of your hands moved to his behind, grabbing his ass, groping it, enjoying the flashing of his muscles. His forehead fell on your shoulder, mouth wild on every single inch of your skin he met. 

“Like it?” He picked up the rhythm, just slightly, spurred by your moans and your dishevelled expression. Your bum kept hitting the wall, the thumping now obvious and obscene. 

“Harder.” You begged. 

“Dirty mess.” He giggled at your ear, looking at you and kissing you until you were breathless and your head was spinning. He parted from your lips and stared into your eyes, intensity pouring out of his obsidian stare. “Want more?”

“I need you to touch me there, love, please.” You asked, eyes closing as you implored. 

“Not yet, baby.” His pace was delirious by now, his legs growing tired but headstrong on reaching his orgasm. 

“Please, Jeongguk.” You whined, digging your heels in his back. 

“No can do, sweet thing. Now shut up.” And with that he rammed inside, using your upper back to keep you on the wall as his arms pushed and pulled your hips, fucking you onto him. “Grown men take what they want, don’t they?” He bit into your collarbone and let his mouth open wide, howling in pleasure, his cum filling you up. 

You were hanging on the verge of sanity. “Koo, no, please.”

He was leaning heavily in your arms, your body hanging like a picture from the wall. “That was so fucking good, ____.”

“Koo, please.” You cried out.

“You wanna cum, baby?” He teased. “Want me to make you cum, slut?” He bit your cheek playfully. “Take it to bed? D’you want that?”

Your body tensed again for his not-so-kind nickname. “Yeah, Koo.” You whined. 

“Good.” Little did you know that half a minute later he would still be inside you, sitting you on the soft headboard of the bed. He moved out of you, spinning you around and placing you bottom-up bent over the soft material of the board. “Be a good girl for me. Man, look at that ass. So hot, baby.” He slapped it playfully. “You ready baby?”

“What are you doing?” You asked, your ass up, your legs slightly dangling from the headboard as the tips of your toes brushed the floor, your stomach pressed against the dark leather. You tried shifting your weight to your arms, but Jeongguk trapped one of them behind your back. 

“You can use one to hold yourself up. No more than that, bitch.”

His filthy mouth made your blood feel inebriated, almost like being tipsy. 

Your hips were conveniently exposed, his mouth immediately identifying its target as he crouched down and started rubbing his lips against your sex. “Good?”

“Yes, yes. Yes...” You whispered, still chasing the high he had taken from you earlier. 

“Want me to make you cum?” He asked.

“Please.” You whined. 

“Such a cock hungry little thing.” He let his tongue loll out, the tip going to your front, rubbing against your clit. He kissed the skin there before speaking into your skin: “Be good.”

His tongue slipped inside you, licking away his seed, then spitting it out all over your slit, lubricating you again. “Can you cum without my fingers on your clit, baby? Can you come for an impatient boy licking you?” He bit into the curve your ass. 

“Jeongguk, I’m sorry. Please.” You implored.

“You consider yourself a woman when all you truly want is for me to turn you into my little girl.” He kissed the side of your thigh, his right hand heavily palming and groping your ass. By now you felt like bursting at the seems, arousal coming off your limbs in waves. Jeongguk, buried between your legs, took your salty scent in, delivering small bites to your labia and sucking your clit viciously. 

You only needed more pressure. 

“Come on, slut, cum for me so I can get inside you again.” He teased, repositioning you with his spare hand and now adding more strength to the movements of his tongue. 

The change was immediate. You could feel it in your belly. “Koo, I’m—” next thing that left your mouth was a long scream, rattling your bones, resetting you entirely. 

“That’s a good girl.” He said in the most patronising, condescending and sarcastic tone he could muster. You felt your lungs ignite. “Are you gonna stay still now after you got what you wanted? Let me fuck that need for older men out of you?”

He was angry again. He was angry still. 

“I said dumb stuff.”

“‘Cause you’re a little dumb doll, aren’t you?” His voice came from somewhere behind you, above you. You turned to search for his face but he used his big hand to press your face against the pillow below you. “Dumb, disobedient doll. Stay put.”

You closed your eyes and tried to press your behind to his pelvis. “I’m begging. Jeongguk. I love you.”

“Oh, so you love me now.” His length lingering on your entrance suddenly slammed into you. “You love me?”

“Yes!” You screamed, hoping that the walls would keep your sounds inside the room.

His hand pinned both of your wrists behind your back. “More than your ex?”

“Yes! I’ve never loved anyone like you, Koo.” You mewled, desperate.

"Has he ever fucked you this good?" He grunted, bending down to your ear. 

"No Jeongguk, I swear. You're the best."

"That’s right. I'm the fucking best." He rammed into you recklessly, his head falling forward as he stood and helped your hips back, the tip of your feet now pressed more steadily against the floor, removing some pressure from your abdomen.

He probably didn't even realise that the position was getting uncomfortable, and you were grateful for the shift, even if it made his thrusts deeper and more difficult to resist. 

“How can you want it calm and patient when you love being my fuckdoll, uh?” He pulled out and smacked your ass hard, then plunging in again. “When you need a young—” thrust— “inexperienced—” thrust—“impatient little boy—” thrust— “to fuck your brains out?”

You moaned and pushed yourself toward him, the sound of your flesh squelching and smacking echoing in the room. 

His hand climbed around your waist, dipping down your navel and meeting the apex of your labia. “Did your ex ever fuck you like this?”

“No Jeongguk.” You replied meekly. 

“Did he ever make you cum like this?” He asked, torturing you with his devious fingers. 

“No, Jeongguk.”

“Did he ever make you speechless with his cock?” He growled, sinking into you and shifting his hips to push small little circles deep against your cervix. 

“No…” you hummed, barely responsive.

“You’re gonna cum so good on my cock, doll. You’re gonna be a slut for it, drool on it for the rest of your life.” He swore, filthy and almost unconscious. 

Were you more coherent, you would have realised how fucked out he was, but unfortunately you were twice as gone as him and in no time your mouth formed his name in a strangled breath before your body twitched around him, your hands gripping on your forearms, still in the position he’d put you in even though his grip was no longer controlling you. 

“Cumming on my dick. Such a dumb little girl for it, uh?” He provoked you, even though your mind was miles high, seeing stars dance in your peripheral. “Take it all. Enjoy it. It’s the only one you’re gonna get, slut.”

And with that he grabbed hold of your hips and started bouncing your bum against his crotch, hammering into you, lasting only a minute before grunting your name and growling against your spine, falling forward and then snapping back, head bent away from you as he used you as his personal toy. 

When you felt him stop you dared turn around. He was magnificent. 

Hair plastered to his forehead, face and torso glimmering with sweat, the veins of his arms popping out like highways under his skin. 

“Koo.” You murmured, looking for your boy, your comfort, your safe place. 

“Only a second, sweetheart.” He exhaled, his skin blushing with exertion. “I know I can get another one, just give me time, baby.”

“Koo, I—“ You objected, but he stopped you.

“It’s not you. It’s me. I want it.” He warned with a stern tone. “Don’t you dare think this is about you, doll. Can you choose where you want it or are you too fucked out for that?”

Jeongguk helped you up and pulled you to his chest, the pose half affectionate and half controlling. “You know me best. I know you’ll choose what is best for me.” You whined in an attempt of flattery — even though it was absolutely true. He does know you best. You know he will always choose what’s best for you because he loves you. He adores you. 

He carefully drew out of you, kissing your spine delicately. You still had to understand what was his current mood. “Turn around.”

You obeyed, your eyes naturally focusing on his chest, right in front of your face. He pinched your neck and turned your head upwards, toward his awaiting gaze. You knew there were many things he was trying to say right in that moment with nothing but a glance. You knew how the words got stuck in his throat and how they would stumble and shake before falling from his lips, how they would sound tiny and hurt and heartbroken, but also fond and fiery and faithful. 

You knew all his favourite words, the ones he spoke so little, the ones he kept closer to his heart in fear that their power would diminish once they finally made it out.

He kissed you one, two, five, ten, twenty times, small pecks and butterfly kisses, Eskimo kisses with the tip of his lovely nose, and wet, sloppy kisses on your neck. He combed your dishevelled hair and kissed it too, then your hands, then your wrists and then your eyelids. Your forehead and your brow, the tender skin behind your ear, the softness of your cheeks. 

Picking you up, he kissed you again, his mouth possessing yours, lost in the tenderness and passion of you. You felt like a small boat in a wide, calm sea, nothing but the horizon all around you, his waves lulling you, his voice and his lips leading you towards a safe haven, surrounded in peace. 

“I love you, Googie.” You breathed softly against his open mouth. 

“Let me show you.” He replied, again carrying you exactly where he wanted. 

Your walk in closet was enormous, with wide wardrobes along the walls, a couple mirrors multiplying the images of you and him. 

“Here.” He said, placing you on the comfy seat in the middle of the small room.

In here he would see your every angle and reaction. There would be no escape from the blatant ruination he would unleash over your body. 

His hand was already cupping his sex, palming and pumping it as he used his other arm to pry your legs open, his head sinking there. He bit into the skin of your thighs, sucking and kissing with a hunger you had never thought existed. His favour stopped just shy of your entrance, watching as his release spilled and stained your skin. 

“Amazing.” He murmured reverently, leaning into your knee as if he was on the verge of sanity and you were the only thing pinning him to reality. “Tell me I’m the only one you want.”

“You’re the only one I want. The only one I love.” You wasted no time as you comforted him, giving him that safety net he so desperately craved.

“Tell me you won’t leave me,” he begged, closing his eyes as if the thought caused him physical pain. 

“I’ll be by your side, always.” You promised, caressing his hair. 

“Look,” he pointed to the mirror on your side, to your seated figure and his kneeling one. 

“Koo. Are you ready? I need you so bad.” You whined, your eyes leaving the reflection only as you ended your request.

“Want you on your knees, belly on the seat.”

He gave you the space to manoeuvre down from the seat, on your knees, right as he wanted you.

“Look straight ahead, doll. Look at that.” He teased, his hand pointing towards the mirror in front of you. “Look at your tits pressed up against the seat. They’re so soft… They must be so fucking sensitive by now.” His hand stroking himself dragged his tip against your skin, moistening you evenly as he got ready once more. 

“I’ve neglected them today.” He caressed your back and kissed your neck. “I’ll take good care of them tomorrow morning. Would you like that?” He asked, mischievous. 

“Yes, Koo.” God, you weren’t even sure you knew other words by now, so possessed by your need for him. 

He put just the head of his cock inside you, enjoying the immediate fluttering of your insides. “Want more, doll.”

With a humming, senseless groan you backed your ass into his groin. 

He snickered sarcastically. “Fuckdoll.”

You felt every inch of him enter you, violating your flesh. 

“That’s it. I’m gonna ruin you.” Jeongguk growled visciously as he bottomed out. 

“Please.” You moaned as you looked at his face from the reflection in the mirror. He was using his hand to press against your lower back.

“Taking me so well, slut. So hungry for it.” He was lost in the reflection too, moving slow and deep. 

“Only for you.” You whined, praising him. 

“No one can do it like us. No one.” He twisted your head to the side, the other mirror welcoming you. “There’s no one else for us.”

God, he was wordy today. You were basking in it. You loved how he wanted you to see, to hear everything. He was often wild but shy and today was truly exceptional for many reasons. “Googie, touch me, I’m getting close, please.”

“You keep saying please, baby. So polite today, uh? Might have to fuck you like this more often.” He provoked you. 

“Look how fucked out you are, doll.” He snorted. “You’re so hot.” He keened.

You watched the way his muscles moved, his pecs flexing and relaxing as he dragged your hips along his shaft. “No one can get you this hot.”

“No.” You whined out, desperate for more, for anything, for everything he was willing to give you. 

“You’re a slut for me alone, uh?” He smacked your ass once more, pulling out of you entirely and slapping his length over your soft backside. “Dirty fuckdoll.”

“I’m your toy, Koo. Use me.” You pleaded, searching for him with your hands, needing him close, closer, melted into you. “Please.”

“How can I say no to my needy slut.” He giggled before changing his angle, his arm infiltrating beneath your torso, between your breasts, towards your neck.

His other hand slithered to your front, his thrusts more subdued now that his leverage was weaker between your thighs and against your collarbone. The slow-down however helped you focus on your clit, on his fingers there on the way he was touching you in that “I’m not playing, you’d better cum in the next two minutes” mood. 

“You’re getting tighter, doll. D’you like my hand so much?” He teased with an accusing tone. “You must be close, mh?”

“So close, Koo.” You chirped.

“Come on, then.” His thrusts slowed even more, making you feel full to the brim and once they paired with his fingers you found yourself coming apart. 

“Yeah, babe. So fucking tight. Cum for me.” He spoke on your skin, body completely twisted and twined with yours. His tongue ran against your spine, his throat producing small, deep grunts as his pleasure exploded and spilled inside you. “Yes, doll. Fuck babe. Amazing.” He howled, arching into you, sticking to you like a second skin. 

“You look so damn lovely, doll. I love you so fucking much.” He whispered, heavy at your back, his hips stilling. “I bet nobody’s ever fucked you like this.”

“No.” You confirmed. “Nobody has. Nobody ever will.” You pressed a kiss to his hand, close to your face and cupping your cheek. 

As if coming back from a trance, he batted his lashes intensely, kissing your face. “Did I hurt you?”

“No, Googie. It was… incredibly hot. Definitely on your top three best performances. I will definitely write this day down on the calendar. We can celebrate it like an anniversary.”

“Hot fuck in the closet day.” He murmured, half asleep on top of you. “I like that.”

You smiled. “Can we get to bed? My knees are a bit sore. Actually I’m a bit sore all over.”

He nodded, waiting a couple seconds before parting from you and helping you up, carrying you to the bathroom and cleaning you up silently, taking care of you before dropping both of your heavy bodies on the bed. 

“I said ugly stuff.” He confessed. 

“I did too.” You admitted. “You know, I might think that older men are charming, but that’s as far as it goes. And I might have said stuff about my ex, but hey, there are multiple reasons why he’s my ex.” You caressed his face and kissed his hair as he laid his head on your chest. “And I’m here with you. No charming old man, no patient ex will ever change the fact that I love you.” You reassured him. “That you’re a dream come true.” You held his hand and intertwined your fingers. 

“I just… I’m always afraid of the things I can’t give you.” He whispered, insecure. As if he hadn’t given you his everything… 

“I will love you for all the things you can give me, Googie. And we will learn to compromise about the things we can’t give each other. That’s how it works.” You brought his hand to your lips, pressing them against every inch of it. 

“I’m sorry about the bad words.” He said with big doe eyes, lined with silvery tears. “I hope I didn’t insult you or upset you.”

“Would you worry if I said I liked that a bit?” You looked into his eyes tenderly, trying to dissolve his shyness. “But I hurt you with my words, so I want to know now.”

Your conversation went on for almost half an hour, his body warm and comfortable next to yours, the feeling of safety encouraging him to bare himself, showing you his darkest, most vulnerable sides.

By the end of the afternoon you both felt loved and appreciated, cared for and adored. With his head heavy on your chest, your heartbeat playing in his ear, Jeongguk realised you would always be his one.

[realbigpodcastslut]

Should You Listen to King Falls AM?

(Update at the bottom) 

Lately, I’ve seen a lot people looking to start KFAM and conflicting views on if you should listen. Being a fan for a long time, I’d like to put in my two-cents. I’m not going to tell you if you should listen or not, but I’ll present the facts so you can make your own choice.

Overall:

King Falls AM is a podcast, and out of the hundred+ I’ve listened to, it is definitely my favorite one and I always seem to be relistening to it. Taking place in the small town of King Falls, late-night radio hosts Sammy and Ben have to tackle the weird and whacky. It’s funny, the characters are amazing, and I just love the overall idea of love (platonic and romantic) conquering all. The music is also amazing. While the background music is to die for, this is really shown in their musical episode (which is done right).

Now, while it is my favorite podcast, there are a lot of faults. Representation is mishandled, there are problematic parts, and the creators and actors have had some not-so-great reactions to valid criticism. Also, the story is unfinished and there is no word if they’re coming back after COVID-19.

Characters:

I can’t deny, I love the characters (especially Lily Wright). The characters will worm their way into your heart until you fall in-love. Whether it’s the main characters of Sammy, Ben, (Emily, Troy, and Lily), or the townspeople, you’ll most likely end up loving them. And if you don’t love them, then you will hate them so much you love hating them. I’m going to avoid spoilers, but you will love these characters and feel for them. Even I, the stone-cold bitch that brags about not crying that much over media, ended up crying over them. 

On the other hand, the characters are not the stellar representation that a lot of podcasts have. There are plenty of LGBT characters later on, but a lot of them are stereotypes. Archie, a gay man, is overly camp, and Jacob, a bisexual man, is sex-crazed. Though, I should point out that almost every non-main character is a stereotype, but this can be off-putting to a lot of people. Women are also not represented great. They’re pretty one-dimensional and while they grow, they’re sort of looked-down upon and hated. This changes around episode 90 where it is specifically called out on and episodes 75+ start to change this poor representation somewhat. Though the representation of POC is just bad, with Walt being a stereotypical Native American man and Storm Sanders an alcoholic. There is also a racist witch, while hated by everyone, is still suspicious. 

Comedy:

King Falls AM is also extremely funny. There are several jokes they actually made me laugh out loud (hard to do) and in my relistens I still laugh. The character’s banter is hilarious and I just can’t state how funny some of the stuff is. While some stuff aren’t direct jokes, the absurdity of events are funny. For example, there is a vigilante named the Dirt who is basically a dimestore Batman in BDSM gear. Another thing is that there is a murderous Elf of the Shelf that says some things that are comedy gold. Even later on, they don’t sacrifice much of the comedy for arcs that will tear your heart out.

While the jokes are funny, there are many jokes that miss the mark and are not politically correct. One that sticks out is “Don’t assume my gender.” There are a lot of race jokes (ew) and quite a few on the holocaust. There are also a lot of gay jokes, which while sometimes done right, can make LGBT people uncomfortable. Especially when two characters (Archie and Lily) are made out to be too gay to function and make a lot of sexual jokes. This missing-the-mark is made clear as it is written by straight white men, which really can’t joke about stuff they don’t experience.

Themes:

The themes of KFAM are also good and you can’t ever go wrong with found-family. Love is the main aspect surrounding the show and whether platonic or romantic love, it’s embraced. I really enjoy how Sammy and Ben are able to say “I love you” to each other without it being seen as creepy or “gay.” Characters also grow for the better and are always pushing to be better. They even talk about mental health struggles and pushing each other up to be the best they can be. Lastly, the main storyline is compelling and it opens up for a lot of theorizing and trying to figure out what is going to happen (or what happened).

The themes of found family can be criticized over the fact that several characters already experienced found family due to being gay and already being a family, though I think this one is a little weak (but I included it). Some of the storylines may get boring and it can be a sort of slow-burn as things come to fruition. There are also plot holes (but not that noticeable).

Creators, Actors and Community:

This is the final point and the thing that has made many die-hard fans dislike KFAM and be ashamed for listening to it. Starting at episode 34, there was an episode on Helen Keller and it was essentially making fun of her. Obviously, fans did not like this episode and told the creators so. They did not apologize and basically said, “Sorry you didn’t like it.” Around April or March of 2020, one of the creators retweeted NSFW fan works and people told them how they needed to tag it, etc. They reacted poorly, only for a person to say “Death of the Author” (a literary idea where you ignore the author’s influence on a work), and then the creator freaked out, thinking this was a death threat. These were not the only events, so if you’d like to find out more, I have archived (with my friend) a decent amount on the blog @kfam-tea.

The community is also toxic. There have been a lot of times where die-hard fans will delete any criticism from the subreddit (though this has seemed to stop). These fans also started “attacking” WTNV after Cecil Baldwin (voice of Cecil) made a jab at other radio podcasts. The discord server is also closed off from everyone except those already on it, and they’ve deleted a lot of channels and such. Overall, the community is not the best and it’s quite divided.

Lastly, we don’t know if KFAM is coming back. While they said it was going to start after COVID-19, there’s reason to believe that isn’t the case. The creators unfollowed each other on Instagram and Twitter. There was a Reddit threat where people asked if it was coming back only for Kyle (co-creator) to call them entitled (yikes, I know). So far, there is another podcast made by everyone but Kyle and Trent (the actor for about half of the town).

Conclusion:

The choice to listen is up to you. You may or may not like it, but I’m not going to say this is strictly a terrible or amazing podcast. I think it is both. I fell in love with the story and while it has many, many, terrible warts, I think people should know what they are heading into. I see too many people either praising or hating KFAM completely, and it’s not fair. This story isn’t for everyone and has it’s bad moments, but it also has it’s wonderful moments. To listen, that is a personal decision for you to make.

UPDATE:

KFAM isn’t coming back and it left on a big cliffhanger so maybe don’t listen.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

I wanna be proud of being ace, but like. I feel like I’m sexualising myself? If that makes sense? And also sexualising my peers. I’m a minor, so I feel like it’s bad that I’m even discussing my ace-ness, esp since I’m gray ace so I feel sexual attraction sometimes, even if rarely. Is it true that it’s weird to be proud of being ace? Esp at a young age? I just. It’s the discussion of sexual attraction and relations between teenagers, and ik that society is still weird about that, looking at you netflix, but still. Am I contributing to the sexualisation of minors? I def think literal children are off limits for saying wether they’re allo or ace bcus theyre children and they don’t even know yet, particularly with sexual attraction, bcus kids don’t feel sexual attraction. I think. And hope. And the argument of if they can id as straight then they can id as ace and it’s like neat! But also they didn’t even choose to id as straight thats society baby. And people saying they’re straight are probably focusing on the romantic part, not the sexual one. I’m getting off topic here. But like. I’m 14. Am I sexualising kids/teenagers? It’s weird to think people my age even feel sexual attraction tbh, (including me lmao) but I think that’s a common ace feel. I think. But am I? It’s implying the rest of them who are allo are, well, allo. And it’s not like society doesn’t consider that. They teach sex ed and have the cursed netflix shows and discuss things and crushes and stuff. But. I just can’t get over it. Am I sexualising others? Am I being overshary? I want to come out to my family, but does my mom really want to hear about how her child doesn’t feel sexual attraction except sometimes? I have this friend who says this kinda stuff all the time and also is an exclusionist, which uh,,, I’m not an idiot, they probably contributed a lot to me thinking like this. But are they right? Do I have internalized aphobia? Am I sexualising people? Idk I’m just. Agh :(

Alright so let’s start with the main question. I’m not sure what you mean by sexualizing your peers, but it’s very normal and natural to think of people your own age in a sexual way. Generally speaking I separate feelings that are largely outside of your control with actions, most 14 year olds will naturally think of other 14 year olds in a sexual way. But it’s still important to be respectful of people and boundaries and not actively sexualize anyone who doesn’t want it or hasn’t given consent. But yeah, generally speaking at 14 hormones are fairly strong and people are learning to deal with them for the first time and these thoughts are going to come up and that’s OK. 

Sexualizing minors is definitely an issue, but the big issue is adults sexualizing minors. (And god wouldn’t it be nice if we could start having more shows about younger adults figuring their shit out and navigating life if you wanted to do a show about young sexy people? The actors are usually that age already anyways.) And honestly a lot of your peers are definitely having similar thoughts and going through similar things. 

Children can actually experience sexual attraction, when people start experiencing sexual attraction can vary widely. It’s important to acknowledge this because people who do start experiencing it young need to know their experiences are normal too.

Sexual attraction, or looking at people sexually isn’t a moral flaw. Sexuality isn’t morally wrong. It’s important to respect things like consent and healthy boundaries, but generally speaking sexuality on its own is normal and healthy. You may benefit from looking into the sex positivity movement, sometimes they forget about asexuality a bit which is an issue (newer stuff is better though), but it’s important to see that perspective too, and unlearn the more puritanical ‘sex and sexuality is a sin’ idea our culture tends to push.

Yeah you can be a minor and ace or gray ace (both or whichever you prefer). As said above, actually at 14 a lot of people are experiencing sexual attraction already. People are still going through puberty until their late teens/early 20′s, so it’s always possible your orientation is still developing until then, and some teens do prefer to hold off, but it’s a personal choice. And whatever happens in the future doesn’t change that something is true now. It’s fine to go with and identify with how you feel right now.

For literal children identifying as ace (I’m assuming you mean like under 10 here), honestly that’s usually not an issue because of the way our brains develop, young children haven’t reached a point yet where they’re solidifying their identities and orientations. That usually starts to happen during the pre-teen and young teenage years. 

But also there’s no harm done in trying on a label and realising later that that label doesn’t fit. It’s a normal and healthy part of figuring out identity to look into and consider different ones and try them on.

I have to be honest that I was reading through this ask and wondering what you were reading/seeing, because a lot of this comes from exclusionist rhetoric. Exclusionist rhetoric is also very very good at getting into your head and making you doubt yourself or feel guilty for being your own orientation/hate your own orientation. This may sound extreme but this friend is probably not a very good friend to you, and if they don’t know you’re ace it will likely get worse if they find out.

Ace exclusionism (actually any form of lgbtqia+ exclusionism) acts as a hate group, they target specific groups and base their identity around their hate/fear of that group. The tactics are the same, they exaggerate the power of the targeted group to make them appear like a threat, downplay their oppression, and actively target and harass those groups, and slowly become an echo chamber.

At the very least I really strongly recommend following ace people and ace blogs so you are getting good information and can build up a support for your identity. Remember exclusionists will often lie, fact check anything you hear from them, but you’ll probably see too just from watching the ace community yourself that the picture they paint doesn’t match up to reality at all. 

So please take care of yourself and watch out for yourself.

All the best, and good luck!

[analysis-by-a-muffin]

YGO Analysis: Protagonists and Rivals, the Pivotal Relationship (Part 1)

There are a variety of relationship archetypes that come with any genre. Their importance, meanings, and depiction come with a strong and wide variety even from within their own genres or franchises. Rivalries are a constant across several media; only coming with different faces depending on the reason for the competition between two characters. Action movies, shows, etc tend to have major rivalries between the protagonist and a character that is both their opposite and their equal (whether or not they’re actually an equal truly depends on the piece of content but shhh). This relationship can be a strong driving point of plot related events, and one of the finest examples of that is the Yu-Gi-Oh franchise with its growing number of rival relationships that are distinctive in their own ways— even while they’re following a very set pattern.

General Overview

Compared to many other rivalries— in shounen works especially— there’s a lot about the way Yu-Gi-Oh goes about theirs that struck a surprising chord with me. Thankfully, each spinoff doesn’t give the viewer an exact clone of the rivalry that started it all, regardless of how popular Seto Kaiba and Pharaoh Atem are. There’s also a notable lack of anything feeling generic or far too in line with tropes, following them safely down to a T. Each one has a flavor that allows for viewers to have their own favorites which can range from cold and intense to warm and soft.

Duel Monsters crafted certain characteristics and behaviors within each dynamic.

Obsession: Each rival has a focus on the protagonist that they don’t really give to any other character. The intensity of it changes with each pair, however, and can sometimes involve stalking the main character, oftentimes thinking about them, or more mildly, simply talking about them a lot in private to someone else. Another staple to their obsessive behavior is going to absurd lengths to get the attention of the protagonist, something which they’ve displayed as a thing the rival can get pretty greedy for.

Plot Importance: If a YGO series isn’t well made or structured, the main rivalry is likely not going to be a very good one. When done spectacularly, their relationship can be what causes major events to unfold and hinge on which is par for the course with this franchise. Basically, rivalry quality and series quality play very important roles.

Friendship: Typically, they start out as enemies or strangers. Whatever it is, they’re not on great terms right away, but through a connection/understanding of each other that no others have, they become unlikely (and even unconventional) friends. Their bond is meant to be seen as one of the strongest in each series and are often each other’s greatest influence. On top of all of that, it’s normally the protagonist who longs to befriend the clearly broken inside rival. Which has a high tendency to end up with them being upset at offers to help and understand them being harshly rejected.

Soulful Connection: Duel Monsters is a card game with in-universe lore heavily pertaining to duelists’ souls, and the concept of them in general. It’s no surprise that the protagonists and rivals can end up with bonds that cause them to feel like soulmates. Yet, there are times when that connection becomes extremely apparent and more overt. First duels between them tend to have the protagonist being able to read the rival, seeing parts of him that don’t line up with what he says and leaving them to wonder why they’re so closed off or who made them act this way. Of course, this comes as a huge shock to the rival along with their ego. This in turn fuels the need to aid the rival; meanwhile, this character zeroes in on the protagonist.

Key Similarities: Regardless of how seemingly dissimilar they can be in beliefs, attitudes, intelligence, and their very dueling styles, these two are meant to have something that draws them to each other unlike anyone else. This showcases a common unbreakable thread that keeps them bound. It can be anything from pride to shared background experiences to having a hidden heart of gold.

Paralleled Features: Red versus blue is an age old trope that makes itself known in YGO. If the two aren’t clearly in line with that, they have several other opposing color differences such as one wearing darker colors while the other wears lighter ones. One of each of them could also be paler than the other either slightly or blatantly.

Sun/Moon, Light/Dark: Another common trope, that comes with some diverseness across the board. The protagonist can be made out to be something bright and life-saving similar to the sun, and this can be openly stated or strong hints to this can be thrown in. In the eyes of the rival, the protagonist can be seen as their light in the darkness. Someone who thrills them, serving as this unique person who can make them feel more alive and can even stop them from sinking too deep into metaphorical darkness.

Respect and Trust: These two are cornerstones of every dynamic. Without them, everything falls apart. The rival has a lot of difficulty navigating the idea of trusting others but commands respect he often doesn’t receive. The protagonist comes in to teach them better and be a guiding force much like with aiding them in friendship.

Separately, the rivals share traits modeled after Kaiba.

A lust for power (usually the result of never having any true power in their own lives)

A physical design that depicts them as being bigger, taller, and overall more masculine (in a few cases they’re even a year or two older)

Dramatics in their gestures, speech, fashion sense, dueling methods, and interests

A cold and aloof personality in which their stoic nature causes problems in whatever relationships they have

Cards are mainly very imposing and dark creatures

Difficulty with honesty and containing aggressive feelings

Being a part of a higher social or economic class (something which weighs on them and can be the source of a huge portion of their grief)

Dueling style will almost exclusively be focused on dominating the opponent through beat down

Experiencing a tragedy that forever changes parts of themselves in ugly ways

Protagonists are similar to Yugi and/or Atem, but unlike their less kind and closed off counterparts, there're plenty of times in which they’ve deviated far from the norm.

A more open heart to kindness and letting people get close, along with the urge to help others

Designs make them smaller and shorter than their rivals with a softer appearance that welcomes instead of rejects

A warmth and hope that can irritate the rival

Are more likely to use cards that feature cute monsters

Tragedy can strike them, but it’s treated like a source of strength or something that greatly influences what they do (can come with less hurtful coping mechanisms)

[There seems to be a common tactic when it comes to hiring the Japanese voice actors for the protagonists. They don’t have the experience of several roles, and voicing a YGO lead character is their first big hit].

These dynamics are easily my favorite part of each series, and one of the things I look towards the most when a new series is announced. Finally taking the time to write out an analysis and composing my thoughts feels nice. The next parts will be dedicated to actually looking at the specific relationships instead of talking about them generally.

[aguecheek]

knocking politely on your door. do you have any twelfth night hot takes it's okay if not im just hyperfixating on it so intensely rn

bro listen to me i ALWAYS have twelfth night hot takes. BIG DISCLAIMER that all of this is completely subjective and absolutely not authoritatively true in any way shape or form. if you disagree with me at all, you’re well within your rights to do so, and I don’t feel the need to convince you otherwise. This is ONE POSSIBLE INTERPRETATION. What I’m talking abt in this post is one way I think I’d like to see the play interpreted and performed one day, because I think it adds a lot to the dynamics and gives the actors a ton of new things to explore in a way that could keep the play fresh, especially for actors or audiences who have potentially seen it done a bunch of times. Twelfth Night is one of Shakespeares most openly and explicitly lgbt plays, and I love thinking about new ways you could explore that. 

Anyway my hot take of the day is that Olivia is a lesbian experiencing comphet!! More below the cut.

I think that one of the reasons she’s spending so long mourning her father and brother is (yes, obviously she’s in mourning, I don’t mean to undermine that) at least partially because it’s a viable excuse to turn away suitors like Orsino. She spends all her time cooped up inside, turning away any men that come to the door, spending all her time instead with Maria, Malvolio, Feste, and Toby. Andrew only comes in later, and honestly I’m gonna talk about her relationship to a few of the aforementioned people and how it fits into this narrative in a hot sec. 

In my opinion, she latches onto Cesario because she perceives him as nonthreatening, sort of a “safe” man. Then, later in the show, when she mistakes Sebastian for Cesario and marries him, I feel as if it’s because she doesn’t actually love Cesario, and nor does she actually love Sebastian. So when she gets married, it feels very much like she’s marrying a Man, not a Person, you get me? 

Okay, now I wanna talk abt Toby, Maria, Andrew, Feste, and Malvolio. Toby and Andrew first! Toby is Olivia’s uncle, and he’s pretty invested in marrying her off to Andrew.  There are two different interpretations of that intention that could fit into this narrative. The first is the obvious route: homophobic toby. the second is, i think, a much more interesting one, which is the consideration that toby and Andrew may or may not have been having a thing. This is when you get into the possible potential story that Toby’s somehow figured out what his niece is dealing with and is trying to be helpful by taking her off the market but remaining with Andrew himself, giving all three of them that freedom to be in their proper relationships, while keeping up appearances. This also possibly explains one of the reasons he’s so willing to throw Malvolio under the bus for Olivia’s love. Because he knows she can’t ever accept his advances. Do i think he’s right for trying to set Olivia up with Andrew in this hypothetical subtextual narrative? No, not really, but do I get where he’s coming from? Yeah.

Feste is interesting, because he’s a clown. And clowns are ALWAYS interesting. Feste is, I think, slightly more interesting than most clowns. Because he actively influences the plot, and has relationships within the circle of characters. He and Olivia have this wonderful teasing relationship, where he sometimes seems almost to take on a mentor-like figure for her? I don’t know if anyone else picked up on that when reading it or watching it, but there are a couple moments that make me go Hm, that was kinda cute and uncle-y, yknow? Anyway, clowns always strike me as strange fourth-dimensional genderless beings, not bound by the confines of the fourth wall or the world of the story. Feste ESPECIALLY, though. Like touchstone’s just an asshole, Lear’s fool is mostly just fourth-wall breaking and goofy, and feste like……..knows things. This is my really roundabout way of saying i think feste is olivia’s personal GSA LMAO

Maria I don’t have much to say about, like I think there could  be something between her and olivia, but that would just depend on the actors playing them. There are a few moments textually, but not so much that it’s a super easy read of things.

Now, Malvolio is Interesting. Because take this narrative and then put in the cross-gartered stocking scene. I’ve been trying to put my emotions about the way this could play out down for a really long time, and I’ve having a hard time doing it. I just think it would be really awful for both of them. If you took my quiz you probably know that I have a lot of sympathy for malvolio and that i think what was done to him was unforgivable. But i have a lot of sympathy for olivia too, and I just think that this scene could be very funny or very heartbreaking or both and I’d love to work with two incredibly experienced actors to see what they could do with it.

Ok ok ok now let me talk about olivia, viola, and malvolio, because they all have something super interesting in common—the ‘vol’ root, meaning ‘wishing.’ It shows up in words like benevolent, and in other characters like Benvolio in Romeo and Juliet. Twelfth Night is about a lot of things, but with the fact that three characters have the vol root? It’s interesting to think about. Olivia spends most of the play wishing for Cesario, Viola spends most of the play wishing for Orsino, and Malvolio… well, his name is a literal direct converse to Benvolio’s name, Malvolio means ill-wishing and benvolio means good-wishing, but that’s tangential. Malvolio still spends the play wishing. What he’s wishing for is up for debate, is he wishing for Olivia? For status? For love in general? Up to the actor. But I think the important point I’m trying to make here is that Viola is the only one who actually gets what she’s wishing for. Olivia marries someone, yes, but she doesn’t marry cesario. Cesario who is...wait for it...Viola. (Not including potential interpretations that present Viola as trans or nonbinary, I LOVE those interpretations and absolutely don’t mean to undermine them in any way with the point I’m making here. For the purposes of this narrative, I feel the need to present Viola as a woman or female-aligned.) Olivia spends the play wishing for a woman and then marries the closest male equivalent that’s available. If that isn’t a narrative that could easily be presented as a lesbian with comphet, I’ll eat my sword.

Final thing I wanted to point out is Olivia’s direct parallel to Antonio. She spends the play pining for Viola, while Antonio spends the play pining for Sebastian. I think it’s made pretty clear in 5.1 that Sebastian returns Antonio’s feelings, at least partially, which often gives me pause to wonder about what tha means for Olivia and Sebastian’s marriage. All i’m saying is that if olivia’s a lesbian, and sebastian’s with antonio, they’ve essentially accidentally achieved what toby hypothetically set out to do with sir andrew.

Basically, I guess all I’m saying is that theres a ton of meat there for actors to sink their teeth into, and I’d really love to put on a version of this show that follows this narrative when im in college, because i think there’s so much to explore with lesbian olivia that mostly isn’t all that touched on. When people think of lgbt themes in twelfth night, often their minds will leap to sebastian and antonio, or orsino and viola, and I absolutely know why, and to be honest I do the same. But i think theres a fuckton to be explored with lesbian olivia, and that it’s worth spending some time contemplating, even if you ultimately decide that this interpretation of the character is not your cup of tea.

[onthesandsofdreams]

The Actor In The App [2/?]

Pairing: Cassian x Jyn Rating: T Summary: Jyn stumbles with her words, how in the hell was she to guess that the actual Cassian Andor was in a dating app? “Uh, hi,” is all she manages to get out. Then she shakes her head quickly, “I’m Jyn from the app, you gave me your number.” “Ah, I was wondering if you would ever call.” Words: 1581 Notes: Celebrity AU Tagging: @mousedetective

Read @ AO3 | Chapter 1

Jyn stumbles with her words, how in the hell was she to guess that the actual Cassian Andor was in a dating app? “Uh, hi,” is all she manages to get out. Then she shakes her head quickly, “I’m Jyn from the app, you gave me your number.”

“Ah, I was wondering if you would ever call.”

She can hear the smile on his voice. “I – uh, I was terribly busy.” It’s not a lie, but also helps that she had to make up her mind. For someone who was so intent in unmasking the man, she now feels like she has egg on her face. But then again, how could she know he was real?

“Yes, I imagine that. I have some friends who are chefs, it’s a demanding life.” He sounds very understanding. “And how have you been?”

“Good, I mean, busy.” She says automatically. But then, her brain wakes up and she adds, “And how come Cassian Andor is on a matchmaking up?”

It is then that he laughs, “Well, I haven’t had any luck when it comes to dating, so I said, ‘why not?’ and made an account. But you’re still the only one to contact me, if only to try and expose a fake.”

She snorts. “Yeah, I’m not going to apologize for that.”

“And you shouldn’t.” He says firmly. “You followed your gut, and I’ve always been a believer that you have to trust your gut.”

Huh, she was not expecting that. He was far more reasonable than a celebrity would be, at least compared to some she had known in her line of work. “Thanks.” Then, she hesitated. “Listen, I’m still trying to wrap my head around you being an actual celeb, do you – uh, mind if we video chat?”

A chuckle was his answer, “Not at all, do you have something to write it down?”

“Yeah,” Luckily, she’s sitting at her desk and she has an assortment of pens and notepads. “When you’re ready.”

“I’m on skype, it’s Jeron2.0 – yes, very original I know. Cap on the ‘j’. What’s yours?”

“Stardust.Erso, with caps on the s and e. And before you ask, it was my dad who called me stardust.” As she speaks, she turns the laptop on and logs in and adds Cassian to her contacts. “I’m on skype now, just added you.”

“Give me a sec.” She hears him fumble with something, and muttering quietly in Spanish. And then, “I’m in and I’m adding you back. So… see you in a bit?”

“Yeah,” She’s thankful that for once, her make up is still intact. There’s no need for her to make the wrong impression right of the bat. A few seconds later, they connect. And there, on the other side of the screen is Cassian. And he’s smiling at her and she feels her heart skip a beat. “Hey, nice seeing you.”

His smile widens, “Likewise.”

And that is how it really starts. For her, it’s strange having a celebrity on her contacts, most of the ones she’s known, it’s due to her work and that was still on them employer-employee line and there were certainly not any sort of crossing. And they somehow manage to talk for an hour that first time, the next call lasts nearly as long.

“…and so I had to lie to my make up artist and said I was getting laid.” He stops and the sighs. “She probably thinks that I’m a weirdo.”

She can’t help it. She laughs, because it’s really funny that he was so excited about getting that movie role. “That’s hilarious.”

“Well, I’m very glad you think so.”

But she discovers that Cassian is easy to talk. It feels strange, at first, having someone to talk who isn’t Bodhi or Chirrut or Baze who can sit quietly and let her talk. Who pays attention and asks questions about her. She’s not so callous as to only talk about herself, she hears him talk about his work. About the ups and downs and how mentally exhausting it all can be.

“And let me tell you, that director is a monster and I refuse to work with him again. He’s a tyrannical asshole.”

“Sounds awful. I’m sorry you had to deal with that.” And she is, she’s had bosses who believed themselves lords of the kitchen and a single thing done their wrong would result in getting yelled face to face. “But you were awesome in that role, I must say.”

She has no experience on that, but she offers her sympathy and rants alongside him. They exchange texts almost daily, they talk whenever possible – as long as Cassian’s schedule permits, that is – and they are now friends on instagram too, she had already followed his public one, but now she has his finsta. Once, even he had sent her a video tour of his newest movie set. And she likes that little peak at celebrity life that he allows her to see.

One time, as they talk, he tells her, “You know, I considered a music career once.”

That catches her attention, “I didn’t know you could sing?”

She watches as he bursts in laughter, and she likes the way his eyes sparkle even on her screen. “I can’t. That’s the thing. I’m a better dancer than singer.”

“Yes,” It’s her turn to laugh. “I did see you in ‘Dancing Queen’, you were pretty good. Looked quite professional.”

He laughs again. “You have no idea just how much I practiced for that movie, but I had fun making, not going to lie.”

“How’s this one going, it’s a what? Horror?”

“Yeah, it’s fun. For the most part, I don’t quite like being sticky with fake blood.”

“Ohh is one of those movies.”

“Yeah,” he sighs. “But I liked the script. And it’s a challenge for me, I want to open myself to more genres of films. Why not start with horror? You know, just… jumping into the deep.”

“And what is something you’d like to do?”

“Historical could be fun. Never made one, and it would be interesting in just walking around in period clothing.”

She snorts, “Didn’t take you for someone who likes fashion.” He has always looked impeccable on the red carpet and photoshoots, but she has seen paparazzi pictures and his looks have been comfortable. Like a regular guy in jeans and shirt.

“I’m not,” he laughs. “But c’mon, those period pieces look great. Oh shit, Jyn, I have to go, my assistant’s glaring at me, it seems that we have to return to filming. Talk to you soon.”

“Yeah, go. Off to work. Bye.”

“Bye.” He hangs up and she can’t help but to laugh again. She had met his assistant, Kay, once and it had nearly ended in a virtual fight. Apparently, Kay was very protective of Cassian and he didn’t trust her at all. Not that she could blame him, she was new to Cassian’s circle, but it galled.

Shaking her head, she put her phone away. Maybe she should write? That way she could take away her mind of Cassian, if only for a little while. Because now, she finds that he has been rounding her head quite a bit and well… it’s slightly worrisome.

“And how’s your book coming along?”

She sighs. “I have the worst writer’s block that I’ve ever experienced.” She waits for him to say anything about writer’s block being only in her head. But when only a ‘Mmmh’ comes, she frowns. “I just don’t know what to do.”

“How about this,” he speaks slowly, as if he were measuring his words. “Why don’t you take a few days off of writing – wait don’t hang up yet! – and do something that you normally wouldn’t do.”

Her frown deepens. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, miss Erso, that I think you need to refill your creative well. Listen, it also happens to me. I’m not a writer, but sometimes I feel like quitting, so I do something I would normally wouldn’t do and rest and recharge. I feel much better afterwards.”

“Any suggestions?”

“Painting, pottery.”

Huh, she’d never given that much thought. “That came quite quickly to you.”

A chuckle. “Yeah, I did pottery once. I’m terrible at it, before you ask. But it was a fun activity, I still have the crappy plate I made. And painting? Well, my mom used to paint, and she always said that you could always be terrible, but someone out there, would like it.”

She doesn’t coo, but she damn near does. It’s heartwarming listening to him talk about his mom. That’s something they have in common, their undying love for their mothers. “You know what? I’m going to do it.”

“That’s the spirit! Let me know how it goes.”

“I will. Listen I have to go.”

“Got it, see you soon Jyn.”

“Bye Cass.” Because yes, they’ve progressed into her calling him ‘Cass’. And she hangs up, but as soon as she does, she goes into google and finds the nearest pottery workshop closest to her.

She takes a class, finds herself enjoying it and she ends with a halfway decent mug. She feels both relaxed and accomplished. She snaps a picture of the mug, posts it on her instagram and tags Cassian. And if her heart skips a beat when he answers with a ‘Go Jyn!’ and a heart emoji, well… no one needed to know.

[camxnoel-updates]

[PREVIEW OF CAMERON’S INTERVIEW FOR GRUMPY MAGAZINE]

Cameron Monaghan reflects on his rise to stardom with Liana Liberato

  Cameron Monaghan is the type of actor who has proved throughout his many years working in the industry that he can do it all. As he just turned 27, Monaghan has claimed his own space at the forefront of a generation of actors committed to telling stories that are relevant to today’s society. Growing up in Florida, Cameron has been climbing the steady road to success for over 20 years, diving into television, film, and now video games. He was that deeply disturbed kid in cult sitcom Malcolm in the Middle, and had screen time with Hollywood royal Meryl Streep in The Giver. But his major break came when he was cast as Ian Gallagher in Showtime’s Shameless and became a fan favorite. Since, his outstanding performances have been critically acclaimed, including his interpretation of “the Joker” in FOX’s Gotham.

At the beginning of the lockdown, Cameron connected over the phone with his longtime friend Liana Liberato — who he came up in the business with — to recall their first audition together and reflect on his eclectic career — discussing his most iconic roles in TV shows Shameless and Gotham, as well as his recent acting experience on video game Star Wars: Jedi Fallen Order. It was 2PM in Los Angeles — on the other end of the line, Cameron cheerfully greeted his pal with a mischievous ‘‘Liana, it’s 2:03PM. This is unacceptable and so unprofessional.’’ The actress apologized before adding, ‘‘Do you regret asking me to do this?’’ This was a clue about their great complicity, and Cameron’s warm and jovial personality — to the point he started flipping the interview to question Liana as well.

On growing up in Florida, influences, and first approach to acting…

“I was very young when I started. My mom was a single parent who worked two jobs, so she did her best for me. But that meant that I spent a long time by myself, entertaining myself with movies and TV. I was a hyper kid and I didn’t really focus well, so my mom got me involved with local community theater and commercials. She needed something to put my energy to and I actually really enjoyed doing it. […] I grew up in the 90s and one of the movies that blew my mind as a kid was The Matrix. I would play on the playground, pretending to be the characters from it. We would fight each other — which we probably shouldn’t have done. As for actors, I was very strange. I really liked Christopher Walken, Steve Buscemi, Gary Oldman, William H. Macy — who I actually ended up working with for many years on Shameless.”

On his evolution as an actor…

“When I was younger, I was so much more interested in how the plot functions, and some of the mechanisms of that. As I get older, what interests me more is humanity, how characters interact, what it’s trying to say about how we relate to each other, how characters change over the course of the story. I think that a really well-written relationship, saying something interesting about a person’s morality, or what they do in a time of struggle, is so much more interesting to me now than any amount of tools or special effects. […] I love when you’re able to have a story where the characters are so well-defined. There’s something really enjoyable about that, and some sort of emotional catharsis in that. I feel like the reason why we do our job, why we become activists or artists, is to express the stuff that is somewhat broken or challenging.”

On signing onto Shameless at 15 and evolving with a character for a decade…

“I had a pretty even ranking of success. I wasn’t one of those kids who became really successful at a super young age and get all of this responsibility, money, and fame thrust on them at one time. I was lucky that I spent enough time around people who made smart decisions. Also, all the people who I worked with on the show were really supportive and interesting. I learned a lot from them too. We formed a little family who we’re all still tight with. We all support each other and call each other out when they’re making bad decisions. […] I still feel like I’m learning so much and growing as a person. Some of the times, the character was going through specific struggles and those struggles happened prior to me in my own life, or sometimes some of my own personal things were then reflected back within the character. Being able to put that and have a symbiotic relationship with your character over the course of the decade, it’s a really interesting exercise, and something that I’m lucky to be able to have done.”

On why Shameless is so important to today’s society…

“It’s interesting because when the show came on air 11 years ago, the landscape of American television was a little bit different. Now with all the streaming platforms, there’s so much more about family dynamics that are more uncensored, and speak more frankly about sexuality, poverty… When you’re 15-16 years old, talking really openly about things like sexuality, and maturing through adolescence, is an interesting thing. It was a little bit scary at first, but it was also something that I’m really happy to have been able to do. It allowed me to reflect on myself, learn, and become comfortable with who I am. […] I’ve heard from a number of teenagers who were gay, in the closet, or struggling to come to terms with certain things that my character or other characters in the show really reflected what they were going through. That’s always amazing to be able to hear about that.”

On taking on the role of the Joker in Gotham…

“A lot of times, I would finish up on the set of Shameless, get on the plane, land in New York, and literally go straight from the plane to work on Gotham. While I loved the Shameless set, crew, and the cast, it is nice to be able to always experience other things outside of it. You learn so much each time you step foot on a different set. […] When I filmed my first episode of Gotham, it was just a few years after Heath Ledger played the role in The Dark Knight and won the Oscar. He became the most iconic person to touch that role. That’s saying something considering he was following Jack Nicholson. No one else had played that role since then up to that point. That was intimidating, but it was also really exciting and a huge honor. I liked what they were trying to do with the character. It was something very different, and distinct from the movies and the media that had come before. It was a really unique opportunity.”

On diving into the world of video games with Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order…

“I had never done a video game before. I’ve played games for most of my life, and I’ve really appreciated how they’ve matured and grown over the last decade. Right now is an interesting time as an actor, because so much is based off of media that people are familiar with, and there’s a challenge. You have to take that, and make stuff that still feels human and still says something about you as a person. That’s my interest with it — trying to see if there’s something about the character in a story that raises interesting questions, because otherwise what’s the point of doing it? […] We had a lot of really great and wonderful conversations with the creative team, our writers, Lucasfilm story group, and all of the actors about what we wanted to say. So much of that story is about dealing with trauma, guilt, and things that were out of your control when you were younger or in your life. Pretty much every character in the story has experienced loss — how they grieve, or how they come to cope with the loss defines them as a character. Being able to access the story from that angle was what made me want to do the job.”

On dealing with the level of heartbreak and rejection inside the industry…

“There is a certain level of […] all of these things that you do have to learn how to deal with. Ultimately, it takes a certain level of acceptance and trust in yourself. I want to represent the things that I value, and the things that I find interesting and important. Right now too, with all the quarantine and the fact that we, as actors, don’t have the ability to work, it is very frustrating. It’s difficult, but I think all you can really do is try to either make opportunities for yourself, or work on yourself. I know for me, I’m writing and talking to friends who are trying to do stuff. […] I think that I’ll probably be an actor for the majority of my life, unless I get to the point where I either fall out of love with it, or if I feel like I can’t perform to the best of my abilities.”

FULL CONVERSATION AND STORY WILL APPEAR IN GRUMPY MAGAZINE’S ISSUE NO.16.

[nutty1005]

Xiao Zhan – Beijing Beijing

Translator’s Note: This article comes from PEOPLE Magazine 2020 2nd Issue.

In between “seems beautiful” and “very beautiful”, there can be one or many different views. For example, the phrase “famous after a battle” (TN: Xiao Zhan’s “Zhan” sounds like battle in Chinese), we could analyze the keywords in many ways.

Xiao Zhan, born 1991. Could you imagine how you and I would be when we were 28? Xiao Zhan is like this –

Fan View

“His looks are totally my type” “As warm and gentle as jade, a gentleman who is peerless” “A precious boy with the soul as crystalline as prismatic glass”

“Famous after a battle”, is the most effective “wartime story”. Using this analogy in the entertainment business, there are many who had been battling for quite a while. Xiao Zhan is like this as well…

Audience View

The summer of 2019, the antihero Wei Wuxian (portrayed by Xiao Zhan), came from “The Untamed” into the living rooms of countless viewers, and straight into their hearts;

Platform View

As the Beijing TV Spring Night Spokesperson, as a celebrity with more than 20 million fans on Weibo, as Tencent’s “Most Popular Artist of 2019” and “Drama Actor of the Year”, as iQiyi’s “Breakthrough Popularity Actor of the Year”…

When we change our point of view, will the world become more interesting?

With regards to his looks, Xiao Zhan said he is “ordinary”, and only scored himself a 6.

With regards to his age, Xiao Zhan said his mother’s method of urging him to start a family has went from straight-to-the-point to indirect and tactful.

With regards to “famous after one battle”, is it really as straightforward as standing out from the big data and being ahead of everyone else? Xiao Zhan, who is 1.83m, reduced his weight from 70kg to 58kg for his outstanding portrayal of Wei Wuxian – is this really the result of a day’s work? Does anyone remember the hardworking youth, with a caption “Designer from Chongqing”, from the 2015 idol search variety show “X-Fire”? Does anyone remember that in 2016, after debuting as the lead singer for X9, Xiao Zhan admitted that there were instances of zero income, zero entertainment and zero social activities?

No matter whether it was “very beautiful” or it “seemed beautiful”, would it be free of worries?

Xiao Zhan looked down and smiled, slightly bashful, his expression serene, “Sweet worries.”

He actually loves Beijing so much

On 28 Feb 2019, I (a reporter) entered a dressing room in Beijing TV. The narrow and long dressing room had been split in the middle into two narrower sections. Near the corner, after the staff has dispersed, I finally set my eyes on Xiao Zhan, who sat obediently on a chair while styling his hair.

The stylist stood on the right of Xiao Zhan; to the left of Xiao Zhan was a giant suitcase. After we tried to push the suitcase aside, I managed to stand in the gap. In such a tight space, I could only put the phone in front of Xiao Zhan, on top of the opened makeup case, for voice recording. After some more effort from everyone, there was finally space for the phone.

He was covered in a white hairdresser cape, his long legs enveloped by a pair of black pants – his thick black hair was being kept in order, his handsome side profile, relaxed and natural attitude, polite words, and after some close observation, no piercings on his ears.

How did this unguarded Xiao Zhan look like?

There was no need for exquisite words, just simple and pure wonderfulness.

If it remained unimaginable, it would not be too complex to imagine the warm smiles of the good looking youths on the streets of Beijing. All of these people could have been born in Beijing or traveled to Beijing from their hometowns.

“Chongqinger” Xiao Zhan said, “Beijing, in fact, besides my hometown Chongqing, is my longest lived in city. If we use 2020 to calculate, it would have been 5 years. Beijing, is a striving city, and like any other youths, Beijing means dreams and endeavors to us – this is a city of ambition. Hence, as Beijing TV’s Spring Night spokesperson, I feel that this special meaning, I’m very happy and very excited.”

Indeed, during the release conference in the afternoon, when being asked about how he felt spending his “Year of the Rat” Spring Night with Beijing TV, and expressing that by singing, Xiao Zhan, who was nicknamed “The Little Chinese Music Archive”, thought about it seriously and suddenly sang, “I’m beautiful, beautiful, beautiful……”

Haha, this quick wit and humor was almost as cute as “The Chipmunks”.

Spring Night is a big event, and it required absolute secrecy. We secretly asked Xiao Zhan about Beijing TV Spring Night from his personal point of view. Xiao Zhan continued to be witty, “I feel it’ll be exciting, at least I’ll be performing with a… senior that I really like.” When asked who it would be, Xiao Zhan smiled, “Let’s keep it a mystery, and we welcome everyone to watch Beijing TV Spring Night!”

This “Chongqinger”, who still could not confirm if he could return to his hometown for Chinese New Year, would sometimes show his inner thoughts – “If I could go back I definitely would”, but yet his words lingered on Beijing TV Spring Night.

Xiao Zhan, he actually loves Beijing so much.

He actually likes Zhou Xun so much

Who are the actors that Xiao Zhan admires the most? If he were to pick two, it would be Zhou Xun and Tony Leung.

Xiao Zhan said, “I really like Zhou Xun, her views, her experiences, are all mesmerizing to me. She has many performances that give me the urge to rush into the screen to rescue her. Her performances are very vivacious, it feels like you’re beside her experiencing her performances with her, my attention is all on her, she just has great charisma.”

Xiao Zhan emphasized that he liked Zhou Xun all along, and as we stood and studied his side profile, his face, we suddenly remembered a classic scene from “Palace of Desire”, where the young Princess Taiping removed Xue Shao’s mask.

That year, Zhou Xun was 26, Winston Chao was 40, but it did not prevent her from portraying a young girl’s infatuation. This drama was almost 20 years old, and the female audiences at that time would exclaim that Winston Chao was “as warm and gentle as jade, a gentleman who is peerless”. If this seemed familiar, this phrase was also used by many of Xiao Zhan’s fans to describe him.

Time, in the long river of ages, cycles endlessly Memories, in our past and present lives, crosses endlessly

– Lyrics from “Yu Nian”

This is the lyrics from Xiao Zhan’s song “Yu Nian”, which is the ending song for “Joy of Life”. Who knew that time cycles? Who knew that memories crosses paths?

As of now, Xiao Zhan is similar in age to Zhou Xun’s age then. If we could time travel and Xiao Zhan were to act as Xue Shao, could we guess the ending?

And since we are at this point, we could add another statement – “Traffic” / “Celebrity” / “Actor” – what difference do they make in the face of time? If there are no answers, why not listen to Xiao Zhan’s “Yu Nian”.

Time will tell, it is just that we are too impatient – regardless of our need for speed, we still ought to seek the truth.

He actually admires Vincent van Gogh so much

Xiao Zhan, like many of us, went through the tough period of studying overnight for university entry examinations. He became a student of Chongqing Business and Technology University, majoring in Design. However, this did not prevent Xiao Zhan from becoming a “Top 10 Inter-school Singer”, he self mockingly called himself a “literary enthusiast”, but in fact became one of the stars in many girls’ eyes – someone who was good looking, tall, stylish and could sing and take photographs. Immediately after he graduated, he became a designer, but he would still be brought up by his ex-teachers, one of whom recommended him to participate in “X-Fire”.

When reviewing “X-Fire”, you would realize that Xiao Zhan had a round face, an obedient expression and mild temperament – in fact, you would think that he did not pose much of a threat. But as one by one, the youths started getting eliminated, as their teams were getting regrouped, as they were getting more and more difficult tasks, it seemed as though Xiao Zhan was being sculpted on the spot – his face became more chiselled, he started slimming down, his eyes started having the steady gaze of ambition… Talent search variety shows are, in fact, cruel and all the participants were getting re-sculpted and remodeled – whatever that was removed was not the meant to be in the final product.

So what did Xiao Zhan keep in his heart? These were all the passwords to his past – drawing, design and art. Like anyone who learnt design, they all had an artist that they favored, and they were all different. Xiao Zhan’s answer – Vincent van Gogh.

Xiao Zhan said, “I was asked previously – if I could have a conversation with a past personality, who would it be? I would just choose Vincent van Gogh, because I want to listen to what he had experienced then, how he lived then, such that he was able to create such a beautiful world and paintings. Such as “Starry Night” or “Self Portrait”, I feel that he was able to step away from himself, into very amazing angles, and then create them.”

Those who learned design would usually be able to draw quite well, and usually beyond the levels of self taught hobbyists. Hence, these would also become part of his self cultivation.

Xiao Zhan confirmed this, “Yes, I think starting from aesthetic views to detailed observation, I feel that there were definitely influences.”

On whether Xiao Zhan still went to art exhibitions, the question seemed like a luxury to him – his eyes widened, he straightened himself, and he started smiling widely, “There is very little time now for art exhibitions, I would see them via friends who went and posted in their social media, or those art-related media accounts.”

There could be no burden I could sway my head I could stay my steps I could surrender to you

– Lyrics from “Two Tigers”

This is the promotion song from movie “Two Tigers” sung by Xiao Zhan. There was once in a variety show that he was requested to use his facial muscles to move a cookie on the side of his face into his mouth, while singing. Before the game started, Xiao Zhan pointed at the camera and laughed, “I really do have an idol’s image burden! I really do have an idol’s image burden!” However, after the game started, you see no sign of his “burden”, just 100% into moving his facial muscles, working hard to get to the cookie.

What is an idol’s image burden? Is there art in an idol’s image burden? There are no answers, but we can look for it in Xiao Zhan’s “Two Tigers”.

Art often gave the answers to philosophy. For example, an idol’s image burden could be thrown away, hence it is definitely not art; Art follows the heartbeat, follows life, just like the Vincent van Gogh, a man whose life bloomed and withered like the summer flowers, in the hearts of people like Xiao Zhan.

This phrase “A designer who can’t sing isn’t a good actor” seemed nonsensical, but if you think about it, it seemed to suit Xiao Zhan a lot.

He actually yearns the audiences’ recognition so much

It seemed like Xiao Zhan did gain fame after a single battle, but it was not just one battle – there were more raging battles before then.

The dancing spirit, wearing bright red and green clothes, in “Monster Hunt 2” – the camera panned past him without a HD shot; The minor role of a special agent in “The Rookies” – with some onscreen time less than a minute… And there were more, such as “Star Academy”, “Oh! My Emperor”, “Battle Through the Heaven”, “Shuttle Love Millennium”… Never heard of them? Eh, well this proved a problem – how could there be so many people who became “famous after a battle”?

What next? Xiao Zhan happily shared, “If everything goes well, there would be three roles coming to meet everyone, two period, one modern.”

Alright, the modern role would be Doctor Gu of “Oath of Love”. In fact, there were already naughty fans yelling that they were going to register for Doctor Gu’s hospital. Two period roles from “Douluo Continent” and “The Wolf”. Which do Xiao Zhan like the most? Xiao Zhan was unable to answer, “I feel like I like them all. Three different roles, three different pace!”

So, for the audiences who are already familiar with the two roles from “Joy of Life” and “The Untamed”, which are the ones that are closest to Xiao Zhan himself?

Xiao Zhan shook his head, “They weren’t quite similar to me.”

With regards to his roles, his works, let us get to some quick Q&A.

Q: After experiencing the life of the role, would that some what affect yourself? A: I feel that there are some influences to my usual personality.

Q: Would it make you mature faster? A: I feel that it makes my life richer, it means that I have experienced multiple different lives.

Q: What is your long term goal as an actor? A: If we are talking about long term goal, it is definitely being able to act in a drama that I love, and then gain audiences’ recognition for that. I feel that this is my ultimate term goal.

Q: Which role do you like? How do you live with your roles? A: I feel that there isn’t the most loved, I’m just someone who enjoys the moment. For example, when I’m in the current role, I will invest myself entirely into that role, and then I will cherish him and love him. But when I have to go to my next battle, I will put him down and let him go. And then, I will invest all of my passion for the next one.

He actually likes to smile so much

Observing Xiao Zhan up close and personal – his head narrow, his face small and firm, the folded long legs were especially straight and long. Xiao Zhan, is really thin.

When asked if he was at his thinnest, Xiao Zhan smiled, “No, I was the lightest during ‘The Untamed’, it was shot with ‘Joy of Life’, that was the period. I feel like I’ve regained more than what I’ve lost.”

Wei Wuxian in “The Untamed” liked to smile, all the time, everywhere; Yan Bingyun in “Joy of Life” was cold, all the time, as cold as ice. These two roles shot at the same time, just the emotions were already poles apart – the effort in switching in between them definitely exhausted a lot of brain cells.

When asked if he remembered his longest working day ever since his debut, Xiao Zhan looked down and smiled, then exclaimed at the same time with me, “A few days!”

Whether he could mentally sustain the current pace was not the main point – whether he could physically sustain was hotly debated. On this, Xiao Zhan replied especially fast, “I could adjust to it, really! I personally preferred a busier schedule, the feeling of being busy, makes me feel more fulfilling, and more sense of security.”

“Sense of security” – Xiao Zhan used this phrase, how did he understand it?

For example, Xiao Zhan said that there were instances of him in bad temper, and then he was asked if he would flip tables. Xiao Zhan was slightly taken aback, and answered with a smile, “I can see that you’ve never done design, a designer is a contractor working for his clients, if the clients have opinions, you need to communicate properly and slowly convince them…”

Everyone has a different understanding and adaptation when it comes to “bad temper”, a lot of it came from experience and self control of emotions – similarly, our understanding and adaptation of “sense of security” would be different as well, because everyone’s sense of responsibility and experiences would be different. For a youth to openly bring up “sense of security” and fight for that, we could only choose to give him our blessings. Because, in the blur of the mind, we could almost see ourselves in him.

Before I could give him my well wishes, Xiao Zhan gave the readers and audiences an especially down-to-earth and warm blessing, “I feel that more well wishes are repeated too often. I will simply wish everyone a smooth path ahead, and then peace and safety would be nice!”

Finally, we would emphasize one point – Xiao Zhan really likes to smile!

Moreover, Xiao Zhan’s smiles are varied – there is gentle, healing, mischievous, surprising, confident, hearty, shy, embarrassed… and every one of these smiles could be extended into a language of its own.

There is this saying about a child who likes to smile…

His luck will never be lacking.

[thebluelemontree]

Is it wrong to say that Sansa uses an out of sight out of mind coping mechanism? I noticed it because it's what I do a lot. I know some ppl say she rewrites traumatic memories to make the memories bearable but it doesn't make sense. If that was how she coped, wouldn't she have been telling herself lies about Joffrey still in acok? Or found a way to erase/rewrite Marillion's attempt to rape her?

Yes and no. She does that except all the times she doesn’t. ;) I think that characterization is extremely reductionist (and ignores character complexity and  growth) when it’s applied that broadly to every situation Sansa has been in. You have to take these things instance by instance because they aren’t all the same. Sometimes that labeling doesn’t fit at all. In many cases, it feels more like the fandom pathologizing the act of romanticizing or trying to push aside or reframe something unpleasant or even traumatic when that’s just something most human beings do now and then. Some do it more than others, but its all within the realm of typical coping behavior and being older or more educated or more “logical” doesn’t make one immune to it. So I hope you don’t let those interpretations make you feel abnormal or more fallible for identifying with Sansa in that way. Romanticizing doesn’t even have to be about coping at all, but simply expressing desire through daydreams. People imagine being in idealized scenarios with crushes all the time.  

You also hit the nail on the head. Sansa just doesn’t go around making up false narratives about every objectively awful thing that happens to her. In fact, her actual responses to those moments can be a useful basis for comparison when we’re analyzing the unkiss, for example. Misunderstanding the unkiss is usually where a lot of these assumptions stem from. That’s a whole other can of worms in itself. The unkiss is just too long of a discussion to put here, so I just recommend this post as to the reasons why it isn’t about trauma and take a browse through my unkiss tag. It does bear repeating that Sansa factually remembers every scary thing that happened during the Blackwater and why it happened, indicating she has processed it honestly and critically, before any incarnation of the unkiss happens. The unkiss is a mismemory added on to the facts, which began as her being the actor that kissed him first. It’s not a lie to deny the facts or to excuse his behavior. It’s regrettable to her that Sandor was not able to be the person she could rely on to get her out of KL at that time. Nonetheless, this repressed desire is just so strong in her that it manifested in a kiss so real she could remember how it felt after the reality of his leaving KL for good sank in. 

Early AGOT Sansa tended to want to move past unpleasantness rather quickly. Just sweep those red flags under the rug so everything can go back to blissful harmony. Sansa is naturally averse to conflict and just wants her present with the royal family to be smooth sailing into a bright future. Ned had a very similar tendency when it came to concerns over Robert’s true character. He saw things that disturbed him, but he hoped and clung to his idea of Robert anyway. For Sansa, this resulted in some misplaced blame and rewriting events so she could deal with the aftermath. This is mostly seen in her processing the Mycah incident after Lady’s death and how her perception of all the characters involved shifted in varying ways. This is after she knew perfectly well what really happened, because Ned says Sansa had already told him the truth of what Joffrey did while Arya was still missing. However, it would also be unfair to completely chalk this up to Sansa’s idiosyncrasies. We have to put her flip-flopping in the context of the situation as well. She’s also experienced a gutting loss with Lady’s death and the fact that the first blow to her innocence was her father volunteering to put Lady down. She doesn’t have Catelyn to go to with her confusion and hurt, and Ned has largely been silent. She’s also still engaged to Joffrey through all this, this is still a patriarchy, there are political ramifications to speaking against a crown prince, and she doesn’t know how to deal with seeing such cruelty and vindictiveness in her future husband. Especially when he responded to her tender concern and wanting to help him with venom and hate. 

I mean, jeez, she’s 11. I don’t expect an 11 year old to understand how to identify the signs of emotional manipulation or see how this situation can escalate into domestic violence. Just because Sansa can’t articulate what is happening within her relationship with Joffrey, doesn’t mean she has blocked out any notion that Joffrey can turn his anger on her. Part of the reason she misplaces blame on Arya (and rewrites what happened) is because Joffrey turns scornful of Sansa for being a witness to his emasculating shame. He punishes her with the cold shoulder because she didn’t immediately take his side and pretended not to see instead. He regains power through making Sansa feel small and fearful of his moods. 

“He had not spoken a word to her since the awful thing had happened, and she had not dared to speak to him.” -- Sansa II, AGOT.

Sansa looked at him and trembled, afraid that he might ignore her or, worse, turn hateful again and send her weeping from the table. -- Sansa II, AGOT.

This is coming from someone who is supposed to love her and someone she will spend the rest of her life with. To fix things, she must be unequivocally on Joffrey’s side going forward or suffer the consequences, which we can see happening as her story completely flips over breakfast sometime later. This is not saying Sansa is fully exonerated from not supporting her sister when she needed her, but that it’s understandable how she arrived at this point. Even when things start to get really bad after Ned’s arrest, Sansa still holds out some hope that she can appeal to Joffrey’s (and Cersei’s) love for her to get him to be merciful. Is it really her fault she believed a part of Joffrey really loved her (and thus was reachable by her pleas) if he also heavily love bombed her and treated her like she was the most special girl in the world? Love bombing is a classic feature of the seduction phase leading up to abuse.  

So we can see Sansa does ignore truths and rewrite events sometimes and her personality is a factor; however, the context surrounding it matters a lot. Post Ned’s execution, Sansa does a full 180 regarding Joffrey and Cersei.

Sansa stared at him, seeing him for the first time. He was wearing a padded crimson doublet patterned with lions and a cloth-of-gold cape with a high collar that framed his face. She wondered how she could ever have thought him handsome. His lips were as soft and red as the worms you found after a rain, and his eyes were vain and cruel. "I hate you," she whispered. -- Sansa VI, AGOT.

Once she had loved Prince Joffrey with all her heart, and admired and trusted his mother, the queen. They had repaid that love and trust with her father's head. Sansa would never make that mistake again. -- Sansa I, ACOK. 

"A monster," she whispered, so tremulously she could scarcely hear her own voice. "Joffrey is a monster. He lied about the butcher's boy and made Father kill my wolf. When I displease him, he has the Kingsguard beat me. He's evil and cruel, my lady, it's so. And the queen as well." -- Sansa I, ASOS. 

There’s also her conscious efforts to push away thoughts of her dead family and Jeyne Poole, but she states why she does that. It’s traumatic, the tears start flowing uncontrollably, and she is desperately trying to avoid falling into another suicidal depression. Her survival in KL depends on her holding it together and appearing loyal and obedient to Joffrey. Mourning her loved ones would imply to Joffrey she is plotting treason. Besides, she knows that even if she did ask Cersei or LF about Jeyne, she has no reason to believe they’d do anything but lie to her face in a patronizing way. There’s no point being plagued with wondering what the truth might be when she can’t do anything about it. Still, she prayed for Jeyne wherever she might be. She genuinely thought Arya had made it to WF on the ship and was safe at least until she got word of her brothers’ deaths and her home being sacked by the Iron Born, though there was initially a touch of projection and fantasizing about Arya being free while she remains captured. As of Feast, she believes she is the last Stark left alive and she has no one but Littlefinger to help her. So while she is suppressing her grief, it’s done with good reason, and it’s not being replaced with any false narratives to cope. 

We also cannot ignore that her relationship to Sandor Clegane has instilled in her an appreciation for the un-sugarcoated truth now that she has experienced betrayal and injustice first hand. In his own way, he’s encouraged her to listen to her own inner bullshit detector. The rose-tinted glasses have become a lot more clear compared to where she started. This is a newly learned skill though, and her self-confidence has been wrecked by internalized verbal abuse. She’s also been left on her own to figure out people’s intentions by herself, which runs parallel to her mounting desperation to get out of KL as Joffrey’s violence escalates. Developing a touch more of a jaded, skeptical side does sometimes clash with her enduring idealism and faith in other people (like with the Tyrells). This struggle is not a bad thing. The goal isn’t to become as cynical as the Hound, but to arrive at an earned optimism that has been tempered by wisdom and practical experience.

Her situation with Littlefinger is much more challenging than anything she faced in KL. He moves her where he wants her to go with complex web of lies, manipulation, grooming, isolation, coercion, dependence, guilt and shame. Her safety and desire to go home are tightly bound to being complicit in his lies and criminal activities. She feels indebted to him for getting her out of KL, even though his methods push her past her boundaries and force her to compromise her moral integrity. The thing is, there are things Sansa does know about LF, but she doesn’t seem to be ready to try and put the puzzle pieces together. She’s not daring to ask probing questions about Lysa’s reference to the “tears” and Jon Arryn or about the possible dangers of Maester Colemon prescribing sweetsleep for Robert’s convulsions. While the subject of Jeyne’s fate is still one she doesn’t want to revisit, somewhere in her mind she does know LF took custody of her friend. If it feels like this is somewhat of a regression back to her early AGOT self, there’s probably some truth to that; however, it’s perfectly okay for positive character arcs to be an imperfect progress. There can be relapses, regressions, setbacks, missteps, and misguided actions. All that growth isn’t lost. Everything she knows is just stored in the back of her mind, not forgotten completely. The general trend line moves her toward successfully confronting Littlefinger with the truth when GRRM is ready to pull the trigger. She’s definitely aware of Littlefinger lying to her more than she lets on and she knows his help is not out of the kindness of his heart, but motivated by what he wants her to be to him. But it’s not like she has the option to go anywhere else, does she? She’s a wanted criminal with a bounty on her head and has no other friend or ally in the Vale she can trust with the truth of her identity. Confronting LF without any means of neutralizing his power over her isn’t the smartest thing to do when he’s shown her he can literally get away with multiple murders. Again, it’s not just her personality that makes her hesitant to pull back the veil and face the horrible truth head on. The outside forces pressuring her perceptions and behavior cannot be discounted either.