#I. ignore that I wrote Janice | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

wish-that-i-was-buckys-girl · 4 years ago

Note

hey! could i possibly request a blaine one shot where the reader is another girl working on the ski patrol with blaine and they absolutely hate each other, but one day they get stuck in a snowstorm during work and end up lost for a few days? and during those few days they just get more and more lied up with each other until they just end up hate-fucking our in the open? it can end however, but i’ve been dying for some blaine action🥰🥰thank you💕

Thank you so much nonnie! I enjoyed writing this so much. I hope you enjoy it too!

Warnings: Fat Shaming, smut, slight bullying.

If there are any misspellings I’m sorry! I wrote this all on tumblr and didn’t get a time to proofread it in a different document.

Ice, Ice, Baby.

_______________________________________________

You walked to the cafe for hot chocolate at seven o’clock in the morning to prepare for your shift. It wasn’t easy being on ski patrol, that’s for sure.

Dads always tried hitting on you while you were trying to watch their wives kids struggle to learn the most basic of skiing. You just nodded in agreement and smiled a little to get through the conversations. Wouldn’t wanna get written up for being “rude” to a paying member of the resort. It wasn’t always so bad, some of the dads were kind of cute, and they always tipped well if you just did the bare minimum of looking good and reacting to their advances. You weren’t even supposed to get tipped, but that didn’t stop them. However, you didn’t enjoy watching their wives glare at you around dinner time. You could always feel their eyes burning into the back of your head.

Although you absolutely loathed the attention from the dad’s (besides the occasional tip), there was one reason why you absolutely dreaded going to work every day.

Blaine. You could say he was the Blaine of your existence. Shitty dad jokes always crept into your head due to how much time you end up spending with them.

You had tried being nice the first couple of weeks into the job, only to be met with incredible amounts of misogyny and downright assholeishness. God, you hated him. It was so unlike you to hate anyone, but the kid was ruthless.

He always made nasty remarks about the way you look, whether it was your facial features or your weight, he had it covered. Even though he always tried to get his friends to join in on the action, they never did. Everyone else liked you at the resort. Blaine was the only problem.

You made your way up to your snowmobile, tredging in the deep snow with your backpack and snow shoes on. You secured your hot chocolate and your backpack before riding it all the way up to your post. The post wasn’t too bad by itself. It was close to a nearby cabin in case of emergencies, stocked with food, with working water and electricity to last for up to a month. Even longer if it was less than 4 people.

You finally arrived at your post, hoping Blaine wouldn’t be there yet.

He was.

Fuck.

“You’re looking plump today y/n, more than usual. Must be from all the hot chocolate you’ve been drinking” he said laughing to Chaz. Chaz just rolled his eyes under his sunglasses. You could tell.

“Ha ha Blaine, you’re so original. It’s not like I’ve heard that one before yesterday. Or the day before that. Or the day before that.”

“Yeah, well I think saying it everyday is a good reminder. Maybe I’ll see you in the resort gym one day because of it.”

“Why? Is it cause ya wanna see my tits bounce in a sports bra? Get ya all hot and bothered?”

Blaine just gritted his teeth in response. You could tell he wanted to say something, but didn’t cause he didn’t want to give you the wrong idea. Or the right idea.

Blaine always had a pretty girl on his arm. You doubt he was attracted to you, but you say those things because it shuts him up every time.

You bundled up extra today. The news said there was a possibility of a snow storm, but it was highly unlikely. Still, the wind chill was extremely cold today, making you double up on the clothes underneath your snow suit. You wore a beanie, mittens, and a scarf too, just in case.

You and Chaz chatted for a while, Blaine giving you resentful side glances and a few eye rolls here and there to show his detest towards your interaction. God, what was his fucking problem?

At about noon, Chaz took his lunch, leaving you and Blaine alone for at least a half an hour.

Silence filled the mountains. Barely anyone was out on the slopes due to the potential storm coming, but that didn’t stop your job from making you go out anyways.

The silence was broken with a call from the walkie talkies. It was your manager, Janice.

“Get off the slopes, news just confirmed one of the worst snow storms to hit this side of the mountain in three years. I repeat ge-“

The walkie talkies went silent. The wind began to pick up, starling both you and Blaine. You acted quickly, knowing this could be a life or death situation. You both hopped on your snowmobiles to get to the cabin nearby. Unfortunately, Blaines wasn’t working. You quickly shouted “Get on!” Reluctantly, Blaine hopped on the back of your snowmobile. Thank god it was his snowmobile that wasn’t working. You’re not so sure Blaine would’ve rescued you if it was your snowmobile that died and not his.

You reached the cabin just in time, the snow finally picking up with the wind. You quickly grabbed the keys from your snowmobile and stuck them in the front door.

“Hurry! Jesus Christ we’ll die at this rate!”

“I’m trying asshole! Stop yelling at me!”

The door finally swung open. You and Blaine rushed inside, aggressively slamming the door behind you and locking it.

Both catching your breath while clutching onto your things, you made eye contact.

Of course you thought.

Of course I’m stuck with the one goddamn person who hates me in the middle of one of the biggest snowstorms of the decade.

Blaine didn’t hold back what he was thinking.

“Great, I’m stuck with Fat Albert with minimal supplies. We’ll be out of food by tomorrow.”

You scowled at him snd stood up.

“THAT’S IT. First of all, I’m not fat. Second off, even if I was, that is none of your goddamn business to make comments on it. I have fat on my body. Just because I’m not the twink of the century like you doesn’t mean I should be degraded for it. We are stuck here for god only knows how long. If you just shut up I’m sure we can make it through this. But you’ve got to stop being such a fucking asshole to me all the time.”

Blaine just stood there and rolled his eyes again at your response. At least he didn’t open his loud mouth.

Such a fucking drama queen.

_______________________________________________

As the sun began to set, your stomach started to growl, loudly. You resisted eating all day due to Blaines comments, but you knew you had to eat at some point.

You gathered the courage to make your way into the kitchen to look around.

Thank god they keep this up to date regularly.

There were tons of cans of different soups, ravioli, spaghetti, fruits and vegetables, and non-perishables that would keep you sustained for a long time. Especially with only two people being in the cabin.

You decided to microwave some of the ravioli. Just as you opened the microwave door, it shut again with a hand directly planted on the glass.

“Well well well, what do we have here? Is two ton Tony looking for a little snack?” Blaine said in a mocking tone.

“Fuck off Blaine. It’s dinner time, I’m hungry and I know you are too. You just haven’t eaten yet to prove a damn point and humiliate me. Now if you don’t shut up I will eat all the food and make sure you starve to death.”

He grimaced at your response and walked to a cupboard to look for food of his own. Thank god. You swore you were five seconds away from giving him a swift punch to the face.

You both ate your dinners in separate rooms. You didn’t want to interact with each other more than you had to.

After a few more hours of existing in separate rooms, you decided you wanted to fall asleep for the night. You casually walked into the bedroom, having absolutely no pajamas to change into, you figured you would either sleep with the clothes you had on or just sleep in your underwear. There were enough blankets to keep you warm if you did end up choosing the latter. As you walked into the room you noticed something horrible.

There was only one bed.

How could this even be possible? There were supposed to be four, as most times three to four people were on ski patrol.

Then you remembered three out of the four beds were taken out two months ago, as they were desperately disgusting. The shipments for the new beds hadn’t come in yet, figuring a situation like this wouldn’t even happen at all.

Go figure.

You decided since you got to the bedroom first, you’d have the bed. Fuck Blaine, he’d been an asshole to you the entire time you’ve known him, he can sleep on the damn couch.

You began to strip, thinking it was wise not to smell up the two sets of clothes you had to last you for god only knows how long.

You ended up sleeping in a bra and underwear. Normally you wouldn’t have even worn the bra, but considering Blaine was in the building and you couldn’t lock the bedroom door, you figured it was the safest bet.

As you crawled into bed you heard footsteps heading towards the bedroom.

Here we go.

Blaine entered, looking just as bewildered as you did when you found out there was only one bed.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.”

You ignored his comment, simply rolling over under the covers.

He stormed over to the bed and ripped the blanket off, revealing your half-naked body in the process.

You became infuriated.

“Hey!!! Do you fucking mind!” You said screaming and grabbing for the blanket.

Blaine stood there in a daze for several seconds, not expecting to see as much as he was planning on seeing.

Thank god I had my bra on.

You expected Blaine to have a comeback to seeing your body. Something about a beached whale ending up in the bed, or anything along those lines. Surprisingly, he didn’t. He had nothing to say at all. He just turned around and slammed the door behind him.

What the fuck was his issue? Whatever it was, he better fix it fast. Your patience was running thin, and it was only day one.

_______________________________________________

Several days had gone by, and the snowstorm wasn’t slowing down at all.

Blaine had ignored you at all costs. If he had to interact with you, he always made some snide comment under his breath. This somehow pissed you off even more. At least before you didn’t have to guess what he was thinking, he said it directly to your face. Now, you had no clue what he was saying about you. God it made your blood boil.

It was around lunchtime again when you saw him. You had chosen to eat chicken noodle soup that day, as you had been colder that day compared to most others.

On your way out of the kitchen, you bumped into Blaine.

You heard him make a comment under his breath again, something alone the lines of “.......fucking bitch.......where you’re goin.”

You had had enough.

“What the fuck did you just say?”

He was taken aback by your abrasiveness. Nonetheless, he still had a response to your question.

“I said, watch where the hell you’re going you fucking bitch.” He enunciated slowly, in a condescending manner.

You were done.

“I’ve had enough of this fucking bullshit Blaine. Why the hell do you hate me so much? What the hell did I ever do to you?”

“Your looks have insulted me from the day I met you. I learned all that I needed to know by just looking at you.”

Out of no where, you decided to shove him. You shoved him so hard he hit the wall behind him.

He looked confused and offended.

“Did you just shove me?”

“I don’t know, did I just shove you? Or did you trip over your enormous fucking ego?”

Blaine stood up tall and pinned you to the wall.

He looked you dead in the face, his eyes piercing into you with anger and something else...

You returned his stare, hopefully having the same effect on him that he was having on you.

After staring at each other for what seemed like an eternity, Blaine kissed you, hard.

You resisted, you resisted so much but your head didn’t have anywhere to go. After a few seconds you gave into the kiss, slowly moving your lips with his. You hated to admit it, but his lips were so soft. It was like kissing clouds surrounding the gates to heaven.

Finally, Blaine pulled back and began staring into your eyes once more. Again, you lept at each other. You grabbed his hair and the side of his face, while he grabbed your hair and your ass to hike up your leg against his hip. Your lips were on each other in no time, sucking and pulling on both his lips and his tongue.

God you were so turned on.

You hated that he made you feel this way but fuck if he wasn’t good. He felt so goddamn good.

He hoisted you up against the wall, your legs wrapping around his hips as you continued to aggressively make out like the two horny twenty-one-year-olds you were. After kissing for five minutes straight, Blaine put you down so you could both remove your pants.

You spoke first “We don’t tell anyone about this.”

Blaine just nodded in agreement, eager to put his cock inside of you.

He hoisted you up against the wall for a second time, wasting no time shoving his cock into your pussy.

“Ohhhh fuck Blaine... go slow go slow...”

You also hated to admit it, but he wasn’t lacking in at least one department.

He smirked, knowing it was too much for you in such a short amount of time.

“What’s wrong y/l/n, can’t get fucked right either?”

“Maybe if you fucked me better I wouldn’t have to complain so much.”

All the talking had allowed time for your pussy to become soaked. Blaine could feel how wet you were. He also noticed how tight you were.

“Fuck, your pussy has been this tight the entire time and you never told me?”

“Oh Jesus Christ just shut up and fuck me before I change my mind Blaine.”

That’s all he needed to hear. He also took it upon himself to take that as the cue to go as fast as he needed to.

He started pumping in and out of you at a rapid pace, making absurdly loud slapping noises in the process.

You couldn’t help but moan into his neck, his name on your lips every ten seconds.

“Fuck, fuck , fuck Blaine don’t stop! Oh god don’t fucking stop.”

He loved hearing his name come out of your mouth like that. In all honesty, Blaine has wanted to fuck you since the day he met you. He suppressed that lust with crude comments, hoping the feelings would subside. Guess that didn’t work out too well.

“Yeah you like that baby? Huh? Like that I’m fucking your pretty pussy?”

“Oh god yes Blaine! Fuck me harder!”

He wasted no time, pounding into you as fast and as hard as he could. You couldn’t help but let your eyes roll in the back of your head as he fucked you so good you thought you were about to see God himself.

Blaine loved seeing you like this, drained by him fucking you relentlessly. In fact, he loved it so much he felt the need to repress his feelings once again, which would be his last effort in trying to do so.

“I still fucking hate you, oh god, oh fuck.”

You looked at him, dead in the eyes, and said “Bold words coming from a man who’s cock is in me.”

All he could do was smile, going in for another kiss while he continued to plow you.

Both of your moans filled the cabin, screaming with no shame, knowing for a fact no one would hear you.

You felt a tight coil forming in your lower stomach, causing you to hold onto Blaine’s shoulders tighter.

“Oh fuck Blaine, I’m gonna cum, oh god I’m gonna cum.”

Blaine took it upon himself to whisper more comments in your ear as you reached your climax together.

“Goddamn right you’re gonna cum on my cock. This is my pussy. No one else gets to touch it, just me. Cum for me baby, you can do it.”

You both screamed as you came, Blaine unintentionally spilling his seed into you. Thank god you remembered to bring your birth control pill.

Just as you two were coming down from your high, you noticed something out of the corner of your eye.

Not something, but someone.

It was Chaz.

You hadn’t noticed while you were fucking, but the snow had cleared up enough just for a one person rescue party. Chaz had come in just moments ago. However, he didn’t say anything. He really didn’t have anything to say. He was stunned.

As you both stared at Chaz, you were the first to speak.

“Well, fuck.”

#hot tub time machine #sebastian stan characters #sebastian stan #Blaine/reader #Blaine x reader

111 notes · View notes

lezliefaithwade · 5 years ago

Text

Being An Actress

I remember the moment I decided I wanted to be an actress. I was walking across the parking lot of my high school after an undoubtedly stellar performance as Portia in an all-girl production of The Merchant of Venice when my father turned to me and said, "Do you think you might want to do this for a living?" At the time I remembered feeling a little insulted. My grades were excellent. Didn't my father think I could be a lawyer or a veterinarian or a psychologist? It wasn't that I didn't love to act, but everyone I knew who wanted to be an actress was either egotistical or unstable. Not that one was mutually exclusive of the other. What did this say about me? No one in my family acted, although my Grandmother often hinted of an unsubstantiated family connection to Hermoine Gingold. Occasionally my parents would take us to see a play or listen to a concert, but only to help make us well-rounded individuals. When someone would go on about the Sound of Music my father would roll his eyes and say, “How can I take a nun singing on hilltops seriously?” And I found myself admitting that he had a point.

When I was four I appeared on Romper Room for an unprecedented two weeks. At the time my best friend, Mary Lou, had been selected for the local cable network but her incredibly shy demeanor had her mother worried.

“She’s gonna sit there like a sack of potatoes.” Mrs. Dean told my Mother who quickly suggested that I accompany Mary Lou for moral support.

“What do I have to do?” I asked my mother as she was tucking me into bed.

“Just be yourself,” she replied. My mother knew exactly what that meant. Naturally loquacious I kept things hopping on the set by constantly commenting on the camera man kissing the teacher. When asked what my father had in his garage, I remarked that it was presumptuous to even assume we had one. There was some discussion about a third week, but Miss Dawson put her foot down and said I was stealing the show.

Soon I was taking dance classes and skating lessons. My first stage appearance was as a rabbit in the famous ballet, Bugs Bunny's Birthday Party. I was excited because we second tiered rabbits were going to eat sandwiches on stage. Then disaster struck. The sandwiches were going to be peanut butter and I hated peanut butter. Teary eyed I complained to my mother who told me to grin and bear it. “That’s acting,” she said.

In grade four I wrote a play about a pair of motorcycle lovers and sang Baby Driver while they straddled their desks and rode off into the sunset.

“Hit the road and I’m gone.

What’s your number?

I wonder how your engine feels?”

“Okay,” Mrs. Orcutt interrupted, “I think that’s all the time we have for that today.”

After my father gave me his blessing to pursue a career on the stage, I decided to explore all of my options. I auditioned for an amateur theatre company and played bird #4 in Aristophanes’ The Birds, and a milk maid in Galt MacDermot’s musical adaptation of Shakespeare’s Two Gentlemen of Verona. Not exactly earth-shattering roles, but I knew there was a pecking order (no pun intended) and that dues must be paid. In Niagara Falls, where I lived as a teenager, there were two amateur companies. The youth group that took over the Firehall Theatre in the summer months of July and August, and the adult group that staked their claim the rest of the year. The youth company was run entirely by a handful of 18 to 20-year-olds who took themselves very seriously. We stretched ourselves artistically, which is really just another way of saying that were out of our depth. I remember as Bertha in Pippin I had to say, "Men raise flags when they can't get anything else up." At the time I had no idea what that meant but I certainly enjoyed the response I got every time I said it.

The amateur theatre company in the neighbouring city of St. Catharines were doing large scale musicals with professional directors and a cast of a thousand. Even I could tell the difference between Garden City’s production of West Side Story and the Niagara Falls Music Theatre Production of A Shadow Box. We told ourselves that we were doing something significant for the five or six audience members who sat in the dark to watch us perform. “At least they can appreciate art.” we told ourselves, ignoring the occasional snore beyond the footlights. When someone who had seen our production complained in the paper that “…smut didn’t belong on stage.” I was devasted. “Some people just don’t know a good thing when they see it,” I ranted, “It’s a Pulitzer award winning play.” I forgot that we weren’t Tony award winning actors.

Anxious to spread my wings and get a taste of the real thing, I auditioned for a one-act play festival at the nearby University and managed to get the part of an uptight bible thumper in an original musical called A Hundred Bucks a Week. It was the story of a topless shampoo parlourist who castrates a guy with her teeth. Did I mention that it was narrated by a cat? I still remember singing:

“We all must be as babies in the garden.

Smiling with our mouths all bright and new.

Innocently smelling lovely roses.

Not prying with our fingers in dog doo.”

Needless to say, my father was a little shocked when an actress appeared on stage topless while I sang my heart out in a futile effort to convert her. This time as he walked me across the parking lot to the car he suggested that perhaps I should seriously consider journalism at Carleton. “Impossible!” I stated dramatically, “I’m an actress.” And I actually believed it.

I arrived at University wearing vintage clothes with frizzy hair and John Lennon glasses. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to be Doris Finsecker from Fame or Janice Joplin. My dorm room-mate was an engineering student who was the first to know of a kegger and had never seen a play in her life. She often returned to our room late at night reeking of booze and sludge water after spontaneous dips in the Detroit River.

At theatre school I was told I couldn’t dance, I couldn’t sing, I had speech impediments and a wandering left eye that would completely destroy any hopes of a career in film “Too bad you didn’t have it looked at when you were a kid,”one professor told me, “It’s easily treatable if caught when you are young.” At the age of five I was a frequent visitor to Sick Kids Hospital for my eye and wore a patch over my glasses for a year. It didn’t cure me. So much for trusting the knowledge of my professors. Strike one!

I began to sink under the pressure of looks and expectations. While the rest of the women in my class wasted away proclaiming to have eaten nothing but broccoli over Thanksgiving, I gained seven pounds over a new found love of peanut butter and developed a bad attitude towards anyone who encouraged me to “feel space”. When my teacher overheard me mutter under my breath one day that I hated improve she called a class meeting to discuss why I hated her. Everyone stared at me shocked and disappointed. Why was I resisting the pu-pu platter of techniques spread out before me? “You’re a very stubborn actress,” the teacher announced, “but I’m going to break you.” That was strike two.

At my first semester tutorial I was told that I had talent, but I wasn’t tall, thin or pretty enough. “You have the face of Sally Field,” the department head told me, “but the body of Kathy Bates.” Strike three. I went home for Christmas and announced to my father that I was dropping out to focus, instead, on getting into a proper theatre school in New York. After all, I reasoned, it’s where I really wanted to be anyway.

There is probably nothing quite as depressing as returning to your hometown in the middle of winter when all of your friends are away at school having the time of their lives. The overall perception is that you have failed. It didn’t help to think that I had willfully brought myself to this point in time. The phrase, “small fish in a big pond” kept going around in my head. While my best friends were acing all of their classes and dating interesting freshmen, I was eating cookies, and counting the days until everyone would return to amuse me. In the meantime, I moped around the apartment, wrote letters to theatre schools and read a lot of plays.

“You have to get a job.” My father announced and for the first time I was forced to slog my way through the want ads in a half assed attempt to find work at either a wax museum or a fudge shop. Completely unqualified for anything except theatre, I was forced to become a chamber maid at a tacky little hotel near Clifton Hill. Picking up after the kind of clientele that honeymoon in tacky hotels in Niagara Falls is enough to get one thinking seriously about their life choices. Maybe Dad had been right. A career in the theatre wasn’t looking so good anymore. Something had been tarnished from University and I couldn’t pretend that my trajectory to success was going to be one clear straight line to the top. I’d hit rock bottom and was picking up the condom rappers and dirty Kleenex to show it.

There have been many times in my career when I’ve been very close to throwing in the towel and becoming a real-estate agent or a tour guide. At each one of those moments of genuine universal surrender something miraculous always happens. That year it was a letter of acceptance from the Neighborhood Playhouse in New York. By now my father, less convinced that I could make a go of it, made me a deal. If I could find a place to live in Manhattan within a week, he would allow me to go. So, I boarded the train in Buffalo and headed for the Big Apple.

I arrived in New York at around 2:00 PM on a very, very hot day in August. I walked straight to the library, took out the Village Voice, circled an advertisement seeking a room-mate for a four-bedroom brownstone on the Upper West Side, was interviewed at 7:00 PM and secured my living accommodations within twenty-four hours. It didn’t matter to me that I had no idea who the three men I’d be living with were. The place was nice and the price was right. I think I heard my father drop the phone when I called to tell him that I had accomplished the impossible. Studying in New York proved to be the best and possibly the worst thing that ever happened to me. I developed a philosophy of acting that has served me in every way, but it also created a high standard that hasn’t always been easy to live up to.

_________________________________________________________

A few years ago, I was invited to direct a production of Blue Stockings at the same University I had so unceremoniously departed from those many years ago. Parallel universes collided as images of my past kept imposing themselves on the present. There was the quad I had been initiated in. There was the building where I’d slept and laughed and cried. There was my window with the view of the cemetery and McDonalds. There was the library where I looked up the address of every theatre school in New York. There was the theatre I did my practicum in, all pretty much the same as the day I left it. The walls, hallways, buildings hadn’t changed, but I had. I didn’t need reassurance anymore. I didn’t need someone to tell me what I wasn’t or couldn’t be. If only we could teach students the value of tenacity and resilience.

I enjoyed directing that class. I hope I encouraged and inspired them. I was happy when they came to rehearsals in sweats and tee shirts, less concerned about how they looked than we had been. More confident in their choices. More involved. On Opening night after the cheers and flowers and the congratulations, it felt good to climb into the car and head for home. I’m not cut out for institutions. I don’t like the brick and the neon and the bureaucracy. Still, it was good to make my peace with that time in my life. On the four-hour drive to Niagara I was thinking about the young people I had just worked with making the transition from student to actor. Maybe some of them will end up in New York. Maybe not. The thing about acting is it can take you anywhere…from Romper Room to the stars with a few tacky hotels in between.

#actress #new york #university #self esteem

2 notes · View notes

chanoeyreblogs · 6 years ago

Text

The One With The Flashback (One-Shot)

I wrote this one-shot taking from episode thirteen of season one and six of season three (and published on my Wattpad https://my.w.tt/Xa7JBcAvrZ where there are more of them)

We were all at Central Perk. Ross sitting in the armchair and Rachel on his lap, while Joey was sitting at the table next to the couch where Monica, Janice and I were sitting. I was dating Janice again and she was there, laughing at our nonsense and telling stories, until she hit her curiosity.

"Janice has a question. Who of the six of you has sleep with the six of you?" she asked.

"Wow, it's like a dirty math problem," replied Phoebe.

"I'm sorry, the answer there would be... None of us," said Ross.

"Yes," confirmed Rachel and looked at her boyfriend next. "Yeah. And you know what? If that doesn't change soon, I'm going to dump you for somebody who puts out."

"Come on!" Janice ironized. "Over the years none of you ever, y'know? Got drunk and stupid?"

"Well, that's really a different question," said Joey.

"I'm sorry, I find it hard to believe that a group of people who spend as much time together as you guys do has never bumped uglies," she insisted.

"Well, there was that one time that Monica and Rachel got together," Joey fantasized.

"What?" Monica and Rachel were asking synchronously and Rachel hit back. "Excuse me, there was no time!"

"Okay, but let's say there was. How might that go?" he said with a malicious smile.

"Okay, okay, well then answer me this. Has any of you ever almost...?" she was still trying to get our answers and we all became embarrassing, trying to hide the truth.

"Does anybody need more coffee?" Rachel was getting up from her boyfriend's lap.

"Yes, I'll take some," replied Ross.

Joey stood up from the chair and pointed at the window.

"Hey, there's a dog out there!"

Phoebe picked up her coffee from the coffee table and started talking to Monica to outwit Janice's question, while I kept pointing at the ceiling, pretending to want to show something up there.

The truth is, something's happened between two friends from the gang. It wasn't Rachel and Monica, but Joey and I. Yeah, Joey. And that was the last time his father was with us in our apartment.

Flashback on

Joey and I were sharing the hide-a-bed in the living room. I wasn't sleepy, I was worried about work, because the next day would be a bit rushed. As for Joey, well, he just fell asleep and rested his head on my shoulder. I ignored this situation, there was no problem. He was even cute at that, although shortly afterwards I felt the need to use the bathroom. I needed to get up, but I didn't want to wake him. I tried to move as little as possible so that Joey wouldn't wake up, but it was unsuccessful.

"What's it?" Joey asked while open his eyes.

"You fell asleep on my shoulder and I tried to go out to the bathroom, but carefully so as not to wake you up and I failed."

"Oh!" he smiled embarrassed when discovered that he fell asleep on my shoulder. "Sorry, Chan."

"No problem. Since you woke up, I'm going to the bathroom."

"Okay."

I came back, Joey had his back to me, trying to sleep. I went to bed, and I tried to do the same. A short time later, Joey got restless, stirring his legs.

"Hey, Kicky. What're you doing?"

"Just trying to get comfortable. I can't sleep in my underwear."

"Well, you're gonna!"

A few seconds later he turned facedown upwards, leaning on the backrest of the hide-a-bed and began a conversation.

"I've been thinking. Y'know, about how I'm always seeing girls on top of girls..."

"Are they end to end, or tall like pancakes?" I ironized.

"Y'know what I mean, about how I'm always going out with all these women. And I always figured, when the right one comes along, I'd be able to be a stand-up guy and go the distance, y'know? Now I'm looking at my dad, thinking..."

And I interrupted him.

"Hey, you're not him. You're you," I pulled my body back, to support me on the backrest of the couch. "When they were all over you to go into your father's pipe-fitting business, did you cave?"

"No."

"No. You decided to go into the out-of-work actor business. Now that wasn't easy, but you did it! And I'd like to believe that when the right woman comes along, you will have the courage and the guts to say 'No thanks, I'm married'."

"You really think so?"

"Yeah. I really do."

"Thanks, Chandler," snuggles up to me and I do the same with him. "You know? I can't sleep."

"Neither do I, because you're restless with your legs."

"It's just that underwear makes me uncomfortable when I go to sleep, you know? It keeps squeezing...

"Yeah, I got it, Joey," I interrupted him before he talked nonsense. "Do you want some warm milk? I think I'll prepare for myself."

"I do," he replied smiling, hitting me with a slight punch in the arm.

I got up and warmed up some milk while Joey kept waiting for me lying there. I put in two mugs, one for him and one for myself. I handed it to him.

"Here, Joe."

"Heey! Thanks, Chan."

We took a few sips and were silent.

"Are you sleepy already?" I asked.

"Nope. You?"

"Me neither."

"Great, so let's talk until we're sleepy," Joey suggested. "How's work?"

"You know it's funny you ask exactly the job? I confess I haven't been happy lately. I need a vacation."

"I believe it. You've been very exhausted, Chandler. You really need to rest."

"Yeah, I know!" I replied. "And you know what? You remember Shelley, that my co-worker who, two months ago, tried to get me a guy for a date?"

"How could I not?" Joey laughed, until he realized that I was staring at him seriously, then he stopped laughing. "Yeah, I remember."

"So, after that, I said I thought it was Brian, not Lowell, that's all right, except when she said Brian is out of my league"

"Oh!" Joey frowned.

"Oh, yeah! I'm not giving a damn about it, after all, I'm not gay, right?" Joey nods, confirming with me. "It's just, you know? It is annoying to feel insufficient not only for women, but also insufficient for men, do you understand me?"

"Oh, Chandler! Stop it, man!"

"Seriously, Joey! And after this conversation about you finding a girl who gets married and all, I wonder if this is going to happen to me either," before all, I really sent Janice away a few weeks ago on New Year's Eve, it was just under a month and I was always a little unlucky when the thing was women.

"Of course you will, Chan!" he said giving me another slight punch in the arm. "You're going to find an amazing girl and she won't be Janice!"

"Really?" I asked with a soft smile.

"Of course!" he replied by turning his body sideways, facing me and giving me a slight slap on the chest. "Why do you think you're insufficient?"

"Well, I don't know."

"Come on, Chandler. Stop it, man! You're an attractive guy, you're independent, you're funny, you're charismatic and you're a nice guy."

"Do you think I'm attractive?"

"Yes, I really do," Joey replied with sincerity. "If I were gay, I wouldn't waste the opportunity to get you," and we laughed at each other. "So stop to think you're insufficient, okay?" he said, putting his hand next to my face, staring me in the eye, a little closer to my face. "You're an amazing guy!"

It seemed weird, but I felt my instincts, a force inside me, an impulse, to kiss Joey. It wasn't right. Since when would that be right, especially with your best friend? However, the force of the impulse was greater and I kissed him.

I felt Joey's soft lips on mine. He appreciated it and gave in to the desire to kiss me. I penetrated my fingers in his hair and, with the other hand behind his neck, I pulled his head close to my face, allowing me to kiss him intensely. I layed on Joey, who let me wrap my arms on his body and our kiss was hot at that situation, but we had to stop and I decided to do that. We were panting.

"I-I'm sorry, Joey. I, I, um, I didn't want to make out with my best friend," I was unbeliever about what had just happened and he just stared inexpressive at me.

"Well, uh, it's okay. It was impulse on your part and I kind of surrendered," he replied feeling a little embarrassed for having surrendered the kiss, smoothing in circles his fingers from the other hand that he had made a fist. "You're not going to tell the guys what happened here between us, huh?"

"Just because I was already thinking of telling them tomorrow about making out with the womanizer from our gang?" I said and he lifted one of his index fingers, gaping and scared, as if he meant I wouldn't dare comment on that. "I'm kidding, Joey," I said seriously and rolled my eyes.

"For a moment I thought it was true," he said laughing nervously, slipping his body under the covers and leaning his head on his pillow shortly thereafter.

"No, this is going to stay between us, okay?" I was laying my head on the pillow.

"Okay," he noded. "And that was only a friend comforting the other, it was not a big deal."

"Exactly. It was not a big deal," I agreed with him that we both felt that there was nothing wrong, though I had enjoyed it. "But at least my kiss was good?"

"Yeah, yeah. You're a good kisser," Joey replied with a more harsh and strong intonation, not looking at me.

"Really?" I smiled lightly looking at him and he looked at me.

"Well, I, well, I thought... Know? You're a good kisser. I'd recommend you to the girls," he replied without intonation this time.

We stared for a few seconds and he came with his hands on my face and kissed me. I gave up the kiss this time. Joey came over my body and kept kissing me. He asked for the passage of his tongue and I allowed him to. That make out with Joey was amazing. The funny part was I didn't think it was weird to do it. Maybe because it's Joey, because I feel comfortable with him. It lasted for a while, but we had to stop. Again, panting. We didn't want to wake up his father, who was sleeping in his son's room, and his mistress, who was sleeping in my room, with the noise that our make out did, especially with the squeal of the hide-a-bed.

"Joey! Joey! We can't keep doing this..." he interrupts me.

"But it was so good!" Joey made a godly expression.

"That's why! The kiss was very good!" I replied kinda desperate.

"It was, wasn't it?" he smiled convinced.

"Seriously, Joey!"

"Okay, okay."

"Let's go back to sleep and pretend it never happened," I said turning my back on him, lying my head on my pillow again. I scratched my throat and wished him good night in a harsh voice this time. "Night, man!"

"Night!" he replied with the same intonation. A few seconds later he calls me without the intonation, "Chandler?"

"Yes, Joey?" I said rolling my eyes, not moving my body.

"Can I sleep without my underwear? It's just that I can't even sleep in my underwear," he ask me in a sweet tone.

"All right..." but I was interrupted by him again.

"Thanks!"

"Ow, ow, ow, I didn't finish what I was going to say. I was going to say 'all right, but you'll have to sleep on the floor'.

"Oooh, man!"

It would be weird to tell my girlfriend that my best friend and I were making out, right? We haven't told our friends, much less to my girlfriend. But that memory was good, it really was. The best of all, it didn't compromise our friendship. And no, we didn't do it anymore, and I didn't keep it my mind to repeat it someday. I just didn't know about Joey with that.

#fanfic #Chanoey #chandler x joey #joey x chandler #chandler bing #chanoeyfanfic #chanoeyfanfiction #my stuff

62 notes · View notes

ragnarachael · 6 years ago

Text

Her.

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Word Count: 1,271

Summary: You go into work after your eventful weekend getting over your grocery shopping experience thinking that you'd have a normal Monday at work. Oh how you wish it was normal.

A Note: i told myself that i didn’t need to put this out today. here i am. putting it out. today. it’s fucking 4 in the afternoon and i’m out here with a sequel already. i’m attached to this series. there will be a third part, thank @spider-slutt for giving me inspiration to write this out, please don’t try to hate me too much.

Warnings: There’s no real warnings yet, but there’s mentions of a gun near the end of the piece. Part One Part Three Part Four Part Five AO3

It was an early Monday morning when you walked into The Square Diner.

Cold air hung in the dining area where the tables were, due to the sudden snow that decided to hit New York City.

You loved it.

You waved to some of the regulars who were happily sipping at coffee while they looked at their menus, still bundled up in their winter coats and scarves.

If only you were so lucky.

You made it to the small back room and started to work on tugging off the warmth and security of your jacket, hanging it on one of the free hooks, along with your bag you’d brought your college work with you for your break.

A normal, average, everyday Monday.

You came back out in your uniform, already genuinely debating on pulling your coat back on and praying your boss didn’t see you wearing it.

Ignoring the idea you’re quick to grab a small waist apron that was already armed with various pens and a server pad nestled in the semi-deep front pockets, ready to get to work.

You’re the only other server besides Janice that’s there this morning, the cooks happily conversing in the back.

The atmosphere is light.

Your morning slowly gets busier, serving a few regulars and newcomers, trying extremely hard not to curse out to any man who just so happened to try and flirt with you.

The audacity.

By the late morning, your section of the diner was almost empty, your usual party of three coming in before sitting at their usual booth.

You sent them a wide smile as you made your way to their table, pen and server pad at the ready.

“Welcome back to The Square Diner, you guys. The usual?”

Click. Shift.

“We’ll actually start today off with some coffee, if that’s okay, Y/N,” Matt said kindly, turning his head in the general direction where you stood.

You were quick to scribble on the server pad before smiling, drawing a small symbol at the top of the ticket that you insisted on using whenever the Lawyers of Hell’s Kitchen came in.

“Of course! I’ll be back with some mugs.”

You were quick to get the three mugs and place them in front of Karen, Matt, and Foggy before filling them up three-quarters of the way before carefully sliding the creamer cups and sugar up a bit closer to their hands so Matt didn’t have to feel around or get directed by Karen and Foggy too much.

“Creamer’s on your left, sugar’s closer to the right. I’ll check back in with you in a bit to see if you’re wanting anything else, alright?” You said kindly, your smile growing as they thank you as if you’ve just given them water after walking through a desert.

You’re in the middle of placing the coffee pot on the dock when the bell to the diner rang and someone sat at the breakfast bar, that was also sadly your turn to serve until your break.

“Hi, welcome to The Square Diner, what can I get you?” You said as you turned around, only to almost freeze in your place.

It was her. The girl Peter was with that night.

Who said that this could happen? In all the places of New York-

“Hello! Uh, I’ll just take a coffee for right now, thank you.”

Inhale. Force Smile. Turn.

You grabbed a mug from the small rack in the corner of the counter behind the bar, quick to place it in front of her as she read the menu and grab the coffee pot to fill it three-quarters of the way.

“Let me know if I can get you anything, alright?” You forced your smile to look more authentic.

The girl smiled and nodded as she looked at the menu.

You let your smile fall quickly after you placed the pot back on the dock and went back to Karen, Matt, and Foggy’s booth.

“Have we decided on what to order for your late breakfast?” You questioned, letting a small smile come up as you held your serving pad and pen in hand again.

Click. Shift. Clear throat.

You were quick to write down their orders and relay them to the cooks before you were practically forced to turn your attention to her.

“Have you decided on anything, ma’am?” You asked.

Wow, she really brings out the customer service voice out of you.

“Oh, um, yeah, I’d like..” She started, trailing off slightly as you quickly got your pad ready to write her order on a new page before she spoke up, looking at your face. “You look familiar..”

Oh no. No, no no no.

“I work here as often as I can between classes-” You offered before she cut you off, her face lighting up.

“You’re the girl that Peter ran after in the store the other night!” She exclaimed, seeming genuinely happy to actually meet you. You wish you felt the same, but something in you just wouldn’t let that happen.

“Oh- Uh, yeah. Hi.”

Shift. Click. Inhale. Force Wider Smile.

“You’re- you’re Y/N right? Peter’s friend?”

A friend? Friend?

“Yeah, I am,” You gritted out with your best tone possible that wouldn’t get you fired. You moved your pen to your hand that held the pad and held it out. “And you are?”

“Emily.” Her hand was weirdly soft and not at all cold in your hand as you briefly shook hands.

“Nice to meet you, Emily. Glad to put a name to the face.”

You wish it was your face that was kissed at the store that night.

“Same here! I’ll tell you my order super quick and I’ll let you get your orders, I’m so sorry for keeping you!”

You didn’t get what she meant until you glanced over your shoulder to see the food for the only booth you have. Oh.

Quickly you wrote her order and slid it to the cooks before piling the hot plates on your arms with ease, moving over gracefully to the booth the group sat at.

You really wish waitressing was an olympic sport, you’d get the gold.

You laid the dishes in front of Foggy, Karen, and Matt respectively and asked if they needed anything else.

After that point, your day got a little easier.

The Lawyers of Hell’s Kitchen left right as the diner picked up for the lunch rush, leaving you a nice tip between the three, and plans to swing by their office to get a look at some cases you could go and try to help them with.

Emily was seeming to be nice, which made you swallow your pride and try to push back that she’s your ex’s new girl.

She seemed sweet, kinda like the Snickers you devoured during your show’s rerun that night.

But your mind wouldn’t leave it at that. You kept replaying how she and Peter had kissed at the store and your sadness came back that you shook off over 48 hours ago.

It was agitating.

You didn’t have any choice to run. No choice to hide from it.

It really made you want to swan dive into the oil of the deep fryer in the kitchen during your break.

However, that was avoided.

Barely.

You were talking with one of the cooks, trying to get yourself into higher spirits when you were both on your breaks, Emily still at the breakfast bar as she ate her food.

It was all silent.

Until you heard what sounded like a gun cocking, and someone screaming as if they were in a horror film, about to get murdered.

#peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine #(i'm sorry for the daredevil tags #matt karen and foggy are in this piece so i have to)#matt murdock #karen page #foggy nelson #oh oh oh cliffhanger until i write the third one huh #y'all are lucky i didn't have anything else to do or i might have never done this #rachael writes

21 notes · View notes

dailytomlinson · 7 years ago

Link

Louis Tomlinson was left sour-faced after begging Simon Cowell to save his act Armstrong Martins but to no avail.

The former One Direction star lost Armstrong in the first double elimination on Sunday night's result show, as he was sent home - alongside Olatunji Yearwood - following Simon's deciding vote.

Armstrong was forced to go head-to-head with Janice Robinson in the sing-off and while his mentor championed his performance, Simon chose to ignore Louis' pleas and ended Armstrong's time in the competition.

Robbie decided to support wife Ayda and voted to send Armstrong home, telling the hopefuls: 'Two extreme talents... can't believe either of you are right in front of me right now. I'm going to keep it sweet and simple, the act I'm sending home is Armstrong.'

That left Simon with the deciding vote and Louis gave it everything he could to persuade his boss and close pal to give Armstrong another chance in the competition.

He told the music mogul: 'If we had a meeting tomorrow you would sign him tomorrow... I'm that confident.'

Simon already appeared to have his mind made up, as he ignored Louis' pleas and decided to save Janice's place on the show.

Prior to making his decision, Simon had debated between the two acts. He said: 'I'm going to be honest with both of you - why I think you're both here is even with those save me songs they weren't the right songs for you.

'Armstrong you are interesting, Janice we've lost you since your first audition, you are the better singer but Armstrong you're interesting.'

Janice gave an emotional performance of Miley Cyrus' track The Climb. Ayda showed her full support for the former 90s singer, as she stood throughout Janice's performance and vigorously applauded the hopeful.

Armstrong sang his rendition of Phil Collins' hit True Colours. Like Janice, his performance was full of emotional as the star gave it his all. Louis said he was 'absolutely speechless and gutted' to see Armstrong in the sing-off. He said: 'What I see in Armstrong is an artist, not a contestant.'

Fans watching at home were quick to throw their support behind Armstrong, with many criticising Simon's decision to send him home.

They penned in fury: 'How’s Armstrong in the bottom 3!?

'is there a wild card thing on the show?? bc armstrong really deserves to come back

'Well I think that's enough for today... I'm just so mad because of Armstrong leaving the competition.

'ayda and robbie are always gonna save each other’s acts & simon is just a d**khead who wants to disagree with everything louis says for the fun of it. not fair at all.

Ahead of Armstrong's exit from The X Factor, Olatunji was given the boot as he received the fewest votes from the public.

Ayda seemed devastated to see the star go, as she told host Dermot: 'I'm completely devastated. I just don't get it. He smashed it last night. He brought the house down. He's an incredible human being.'

Olatunji thanked the show for the 'opportunity' as he gracefully bowed out of the series.

Simon, meanwhile, successfully had all his acts sent through to the second week of live shows, as did Robbie.

Danny Tetley was seen eagerly celebrating as he was the second to last act to be put through, while Robbie's boyband United Vibe secured the last spot going forward.

At the beginning of Sunday night's results show, Dermot O'Leary left viewers amused as he joked he doesn't get paid enough on The X Factor.

The show host couldn't resist making a dig at boss Simon, after the judging panel decided to get cheeky with him at the beginning of Sunday night's results show.

Asking Simon which acts could be under threat ahead of the first live elimination of the singing competition, the music mogul referenced X Factor's double axing, as he joked: 'I think two will go tonight.'

Sighing with dismay, Dermot rolled his eyes and vented in response: 'This is what i have to work with for six months of the year,' before adding: 'They don't pay me enough.'

Following the first live show, two acts are set to leave the competition after giving it their all for The X Factor's Greatest Showman themed first week titled 'This Is Me'.

Fans were treated to a special performance from star of the hit movie Kaela Settle, who took to the stage with the track that has made her a household name.

Sharing her advice for the contestants following her performance, she said: 'What you're already doing is enough. Stick to your guns when you forget how good you are you've got people around you to remind you.'

2017 winners Rak-Su also took to the stage to perform their new single I Want You To Freak. Speaking to host Dermot following their performance, they said: 'It feels amazing to perform in front of everybody who helped me and my friends have the 12 months of a lifetime.'

Asked who they were rooting for this time round, Rak-Su picked out Anthony Russell for the 'perseverance' he has shown, auditioning for The X Factor multiple times before reaching the live shows.

The 12 finalists have now been whittled down to 10, with both Simon and Robbie still successfully having all four of their acts left in the competition.

Simon is mentoring the girls; Bella Penfold, 19, Molly Scott, 16, Scarlett Lee, 20, and Shan, 25.

Robbie has the groups; A*, LMA Choir, Misunderstood and Vibe 5.

Following Sunday's double elimination Ayda has Danny Tetley, 37, Giovanni Spano, 33, and Janice, 37, left in her category, while Louis has Anthony Russell, 28, Brendan Murray, 21, and Dalton Andre Harris, 24.

The X Factor came under fire with viewers, with many claiming this series should be the show's last as they hit out at the quality of hopefuls competing in the live shows.

Simon is mentoring the girls; Bella Penfold, 19, Molly Scott, 16, Scarlett Lee, 20, and Shan, 25.

Robbie has the groups; A*, LMA Choir, Misunderstood and Vibe 5.

The X Factor's first live show came under fire with viewers, with many claiming this series should be the show's last as they hit out at the quality of hopefuls competing as finalists.

Taking to Twitter, disgruntled viewers penned: 'Surely this is the last series of #xfactor !? Having Robbie and Ada are just scraping the barrel now!' One fan wrote, leading the troops.

Definitely the last series of #XFactor. It’s absolutely on its a**e.

'There was some rubbish on tonight. #XFactor'; 'WTF is this rubbish?'; 'Have to say on the whole #xfactor has been utter rubbish tonight.

'#XFactor this should be the last series simon dont even give a s**t about what his girls sing.' (sic)

X Factor's first live show was hampered with a massive error when the voiceover introduced Danny Tetley as Anthony Russel on Saturday. Nail-biting scenes saw the X Factor contestant stop mid-performance before restarting his song on the live show of the series.

Yet 'tearful' fans praised the singer for not letting the 'stupid mistake' unsettle him when he had to start belting out his vocals once again.However, it wasn't long before the outspoken judges turned on each other during the live show of the competition.

X Factor fans were seething with bosses for silencing Louis Tomlinson's microphone when he fought with Robbie Williams over One Direction on Saturday.

The Let Me Entertain You hitmaker ripped into Louis' former band One Direction when Simon Cowell criticised his group United Vibe during the first live show. Much to the distaste of One Direction's biggest fans, Robbie claimed his band United Vibe were 'leaps and bounds' ahead of the chart-topping boy group.

He asserted: 'You’re leaps and bounds ahead of One Direction. Better place than Take That one month in. These boys are going places.'

But before Louis could speak to defend One Direction, the X Factor bosses muted his microphone without any warning.

Fuming fans rushed to social media to share their frustration that the singer wasn't allowed to respond to Robbie's undercutting comment. The clash started because Simon made a sly dig at former boybander Robbie about United Vibe's image wasn't 'messy' enough for a boy band.

He said: 'This was better than I thought it was going to be. It all looks too stage at the moment. I don't need to tell you Robbie. It works when it's messy and fun.'

United Vibe, who were originally five singers put together as a group by the judges, drove fans wild on Twitter with their own version of former One Direction Niall Horan's song Slow Hands.

Keen to impress his mentor Louis, Armstrong Martins also sang a One Direction hit Story Of My Life when he showcased his incredible vocals.

Elsewhere on the show, Shan showcased her sensational vocals, even though Simon was away during her rehearsals this week and could only support via his phone.

Robbie confessed: 'I'm falling in love with you. You're the kindest woman in here, apart from my lovely wife.'

Ayda responded: 'I'm ok with Robbie falling in love with you. I have a spirit crush on you. I'd have super human power to sing just like that, SO WOULD ROBBIE.'

Olatunji impressed judges when he hit all the right notes with his own song he wrote just ten days ago before performing on Saturday's X Factor.

Back on the X Factor for a second time to prove she deserves a spot in the competition, Scarlett Lee sang her heart out to Aretha Franklin's A Natural Woman. The singer got a standing ovation from all four of the judges following her show-stopping performance.

Acacia and Aaliyah, who are only 14 and 15, put on a quirky performance when they sang Finesse by Bruno Mars and Cardi B.

Louis claimed: 'I love you two as individuals. I was expecting a bit more street than you. In general I was waiting for a little bit more.'

Ayda agreed: 'I totally agree I love you guys. I think you lost something. Too much stuff going on.' Robbie teased Simon: 'He is going through the man-a-pause. And unlike me, I think you can break America.'

Dalton Harris left everyone gobsmacked with his powerful performance of Life on Mars to close the show.

Louis said: 'I was so excited. I showed you off. I can comfortably say that was the best vocal of the night.'

#xfactor #xfactor press #daily mail #221018 #episode 15 #episode 16 #211018 #201018 #louis tomlinson #press

32 notes · View notes

nebulous-frog · 7 years ago

Text

Prom Plague

Summary: Dan has the plague. Well, not literally, but he’s sick so he’s bound to be overdramatic. But a little fever and stomachache isn’t going to stop him from going to prom. He’s got a date (that he doesn’t even like) who he can’t let down and a rumor has it that he’s been voted prom king. Too bad his body has different ideas and decides to humiliate him in front of everyone. At least there’s Phil, the actual angel in the hell called secondary school.

Word Count: 11751

Pairing: Phan

Genre: High School AU, Fluff, Getting Together, slight angst but not really

Warnings: Vomiting, Flu, some public humiliation, teen angst, and Dan swears.

Author’s Note: I wrote this for the @phandomreversebang! It's my first PRB, which was super exciting. The art is by @corgi-lester. Special thanks to @amazyngphyl for beta-ing and @auroraphilealisfor being awesome.

ART

Link to AO3 Fics Masterlist

Prom was a big deal. Everyone would be going, dressing fancy, and having a good time. That also meant everyone had certain expectations for everyone else, like who would take whom and how much public drama there could be beforehand.

Dan and Phil were on opposite ends of the spectrum in regards to the expectations of their classmates. Everyone expected Dan to go with one of the Popular Girls (all of whom he hated) and for them to be super cute and total Prom Goals. Phil, on the other hand, wasn’t thought to be someone who would ever have a date to prom. He was too gangly, geeky, and nerdy for his peers, so he tended to be discounted, despite Dan’s obvious attachment.

So it really was no surprise when Dan and Phil’s conversation was interrupted in the hallway about a month before prom.

“Hey, Dan, could I talk to you?”

Dan turned his head away from his conversation with Phil to see a short blond girl anxiously wringing her hands together, refusing to make eye contact. He had a sinking feeling that he knew exactly what this was about, but couldn’t bring himself to be rude.

“Uh, sure? What’s up?” Dan turned his body fully to face the girl. He was pretty sure her name was Mary Ann, but he could be wrong. What he was sure of, however, was that he had at least one class with her and she was the kind of person to talk non-stop during class. He hated it when people did that.

“Um- well, I just- This is probably stupid, but will you go to prom with me?”

Internally, Dan sighed. He had figured this would happen, but he kind of really hated it. He saw the way the girls in his school looked at him as he walked down the hallways, heard how they whispered when he passed. He was just too awkwardly nice to say anything about it.

I have to say yes. If I say no, people will think I’m an ass. Maybe they’ll even think I’m not straight, and I can’t have that. She’s not that bad, really, and I could have somebody much worse ask me. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, either. It’d be better to get this over with now and accept her offer before it’s too late.

Externally, he smiled.

“That’s not at all stupid! I’ll go with you,” Dan said. He felt something kick the back of his leg, but he ignored it in favor of leaning closer to Hopefully-Mary-Ann so they could exchange numbers.

“Wait, really? Oh my god, great!” Grinning, she unlocked her phone and handed it to Dan as he did the same for her.

Dan was relieved to know that he was right and her name was Mary Ann when he looked at the contact information she had put in.

“Text me with details?” he asked.

“Definitely!” she giggled. Mary Ann gave an awkward little wave, and then quickly scampered away to a waiting friend who was staring at her, jaw dropped open onto the floor.

Dan turned back to Phil, who was staring at him with A Look that screamed, Why the hell did you do that.

“Oh, fuck off, Phil! Don’t give me that look!”

“I’m not giving you a look! I’m just looking at you with disappointment in my soul.”

Dan spluttered a laugh. “Wow, harsh. Let’s not have this conversation right now, though, yeah? Not in the middle of the hallway while we’re still at school?” His eyes darted around, looking to see if a few people were close enough to eavesdrop. He hoped Phil understood what he meant. Phil knew Dan was extremely uncomfortable talking about relationships at school, where anybody could listen in and hear his secrets.

Phil sighed and nodded understandingly. “Fair enough. My place, right?”

“Yeah, you have better snacks.”

They didn’t talk about it for the rest of the day. After their last class, they walked to Phil’s house, bantering easily with each other. When they were finally settled in on Phil’s bed, packets of snacks littering the floor and video games ready to go, Phil’s face turned serious.

“Why did you do that?”

Oh no, here we go, Dan thought. “Why did I do what?”

“Dan. I know you’re not stupid. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

Groaning, Dan flailed his arms dramatically and leaned back so he was lying down on the bed. “Why can you always see right through my lies? It’s not fair.”

“I can’t lie to you, either! It’s totally fair. Now, answer the question.”

Dan groaned dramatically again. He could feel Phil’s unwavering gaze staring into his soul. “I don’t really know.”

“There was definitely a reason, Dan. I can tell.” Phil moved to a more comfortable position, rotating himself away from the television to rest his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.

Dan threw his hands over his face. “I’m an idiot.”

“You’re only just now realizing that? You’ve lived in ignorance longer than I thought,” Phil teased.

Dan shot an unamused glare through parted fingers. “Thanks, Phil. Glad to call you my friend.”

“Quit being such a drama queen and tell me why you accepted a date to prom from a girl you don’t even like.”

Dan huffed out a breath but decided to just get on with it. “I would have felt really bad about it. I mean, she seemed so nervous about it and, yeah, she kind of bothers me because her voice is high-pitched and she talks so much but at least she’s nice? I don’t know. I couldn’t bring myself to say no.”

“You don’t even like girls though.”

“Phil! The window is open! Somebody could have heard that!”

Phil rolled his eyes. “We’re on the second floor and the back window is open over the garage. Nobody could hear that.”

Dan huffed again, grumbling about how Phil said it so loud I’d be surprised if the fucking moon hadn’t heard.

Phil ignored him and continued. “You don’t like girls, though, so why would you put yourself through that? Nothing will come of it. It’s not like you’re gonna go to prom with her and suddenly become straight for her.”

“I froze, okay? I couldn’t be mean.” Dan felt Phil staring at him, so he looked up. “What?”

“You’re really gonna go through with this?”

Dan stared at Phil for a moment. “Do I have a choice?”

“Of course you do, but not if you’re trying to avoid being mean.”

“Exactly. So I guess I’m going to prom with Mary Jane.”

“It’s Mary Ann. You should probably try to remember that and not call her slang for marijuana. She probably wouldn’t appreciate it.”

Dan laughed his hyena laugh and gently punched Phil’s shoulder. “Oh, whatever. Can we shove junk food in our mouths and play Mario Kart now?”

“Definitely.”

~~~~~~~~~~

A week later, prom king and queen nominations were announced. At the end of the day, Dan and Phil were sitting, barely listening to the announcements, when the whole class cheered and looked over at Dan before continuing to pack up.

“What did we miss?” Dan muttered to Phil, looking around the room skeptically.

“I’m not sure. Ask Brian, maybe?”

Dan leaned over to his left. “Hey, Brian, what just happened?”

“You didn’t hear? You were nominated for prom king! Congrats, dude!”

Dan’s jaw dropped open. “What? Why?”

Brian rolled his eyes. “You say that like every girl in this building isn’t obsessed with you.”

“Oh. Right. Um, thanks?” Dan quickly turned back to Phil.

“Well, that’s exciting!”

“Is it? I mean, it’s really dumb, I think? It’s literally just a popularity contest designed to upset the majority of the school. You deserve to be nominated much more than I do, anyway, because you’re so nice to everybody all the time. You actually remember people’s names.”

“I guess, but you could actually win this!”

Dan scoffed. “Yeah, right. I don’t want it, anyway.”

Phil raised an eyebrow. “You don’t want to win it and get the gift certificate for two dinners at The Dapper Rose and the chocolate that comes with it all?”

Dan paused with his pencil dangling from his fingers over his open backpack. “You really get all that if you win?”

“Yeah. I thought you knew.”

“Oh.”

“Does that change your mind, then?”

“You know what, Phil? It just might.” Dan stared off into space, thoughts racing. The Dapper Rose is such a fancy place. It’s so expensive, but, if I had the gift certificate, maybe I could take Phil for our first date… If I ever work up the courage to ask him, anyway.

As they were leaving the classroom, Janice, one of their friends, came running up to them.

“Phil! Dan! I’m glad I caught you before you left. I was just wondering, Phil, if you’d like to go to prom with me? It’d be just as friends, of course, but I kind of don’t wanna show up alone and I think you could make it really fun? It’s okay if you don’t, though.”

Dan seethed quietly, jealousy consuming him. Chill out, Dan, she has every right to ask. Besides, she said it’d be as friends not as a couple. Calm down.

“Oh! Of course I’ll go! That should be really fun. Thanks for asking me!”

Janice grinned. “Great! I’ll text you!”

Phil smiled and continued walking with Dan out of the building to go to Dan’s house. Dan was fuming but trying not to let it show.

As they exited the building, Phil turned to Dan with a grin. “Well, that just happened.”

“Yes. Yes, it did,” Dan replied curtly. So much for trying not to let it show.

“Whoa, okay, what’s wrong? You seem upset.”

Dan huffed out a breath. Upset? Not at all! The love of my life only accepted a date with some girl, it’s fine! “It’s- it’s nothing, forget about it.”

“Dan, seriously. What’s happening?” Phil looked concerned and confused. Dan hated it when Phil was worried.

Dan sighed. “Why did you accept Janice’s promposal?”

Phil abruptly stopped walking for a moment and stared at Dan. “Is that what this is about?”

“Either tell me why or drop it,” Dan said defiantly. Now that he had opened the conversation he had no choice but to stick to his guns. He kept walking, but slower so Phil could catch up.

Jogging a bit to reach Dan again, Phil tried to explain. “I couldn’t exactly turn her down. We’re friends!”

“But you don’t like her!”

“No, but we’re going as friends. She makes cupcakes for us sometimes, Dan! We need to stay on her good side for the cupcakes!”

“But what if someone was gonna ask you on a date to prom?”

Phil scoffed. “You know that wouldn’t have happened. Why do you care, anyway?”

Dan scrambled for an answer, gesticulating wildly. “Well- I- I just do, okay? I don’t want her to think it’s something more than it is and wind up with everyone being uncomfortable.”

“Dan, this is literally no different to you agreeing to go with Mary Ann.”

“What? No, this is different!”

“Besides how Janice said we’d go as friends, how is this different from you and Mary Ann?” Phil was clearly getting irritated, but Dan was too worked up to back down.

Because I don’t want you to go with Janice! “Well, because- I- because people expect me to have a date to prom.”

Phil stopped walking again. They were halfway to Dan’s house already. “Excuse me?”

Dan cringed and stopped walking, too. “Um-”

“So you don’t want me to have a date to prom because people don’t expect me to have a date, but you’re going with someone you don’t even like because people expect you to have a date? What, is it because I’m the dorky weirdo that keeps to himself, but you’re the ridiculously attractive popular boy at school and you have an image to uphold?” Phil glared at Dan with fire and hurt in his eyes.

“Phil, that’s not what I mea-”

“I don’t care, Dan. You know what, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Dan watched in despair as his best friend turned and walked away. He really shouldn’t have said that, but he couldn’t take it back now. He knew that his popularity was a sore spot for Phil, and he really hadn’t meant to imply that, but it had happened and now he had to live with the consequences.

Sighing, Dan walked the rest of the way to his house alone, berating himself for his insensitive comment and planning how to apologize.

His chance came the next day, where he immediately approached Phil as he got to school, and handed him some of his favorite candy.

“I’m sorry. That was a really stupid thing for me to say yesterday and I’m sorry I was a dick. Here’s a peace offering, and, if you’re up for it, we could maybe play video games at my house tonight?”

Phil stared at the candy in Dan’s outstretched hand for a moment, then grinned and took it. “Apology accepted. Be prepared for me to kick your butt at Mario Kart later.”

Dan smiled, relieved. “In your dreams, Lester.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Dan really wished he could go suit shopping with Phil. He could see it now: Phil, glasses in place, tuxedo fitting perfectly on his tall frame, hair in a messy quiff from trying on clothes in a barely-too-warm store. The idea had him practically drooling.

Unfortunately for Dan, it did not work out like that. Mary Ann apparently wanted to go shopping with him to make sure he got the right suit and the right tie to match her dress, and Phil was explicitly not invited because this was a “Prom Dates Thing”, not something for “Prom Dates Plus One”. She had dangerously toed the line between reasonably asking for no Phil involvement and pissing Dan off to the point where she’d need to find a new date, but Phil insisted it was alright and that Dan might even have fun without him.

Dan did not have fun without Phil.

First of all, he had to go shopping on a Saturday, which was just unacceptable when he could be home playing video games. Second of all, Mary Ann was a nice girl, certainly, but she just wouldn’t stop talking and most of what she had to say was about shows that Dan had no interest in watching. He just couldn’t relate.

And then there was the matter of getting the suit.

He had to try on so many different shirts that all looked exactly the same to him and then all these ties that were ever-so-slightly thinner or darker or brighter or patterned. On a good day, Dan despised shopping. This was not a good day.

Dan and Mary Ann finally left the store after hours of looking through clothes and ensuring that one week was not too short of notice to get it properly tailored. Dan took in a deep breath, desperate for free air.

“So, now that that’s taken care of, do you maybe wanna go get something to eat?” Mary Ann asked.

Dan’s eyes snapped open. They had apparently fallen closed while he appreciated the open air of the car park. “Something to eat?”

“Yeah, I mean, it’s just after 5.”

“Oh.” Dan’s thoughts were racing as he desperately tried to come up with an excuse to avoid this undoubtedly awkward sort-of-date. “I actually had plans with my- uh- grandmother? For dinner?”

Mary Ann deflated a little bit but nodded, an obviously fake smile on her face. “Oh, yeah. Of course. You have fun with that, then.”

Dan swallowed guiltily. “Yeah, thanks. I can take you home, though, if you want? I know we got here separately but I saw you come off the bus.”

She nodded gratefully. “That’d be great, thank you.”

They walked over to Dan’s car and, with her directions, he drove them to Mary Ann’s house.

“It’s this one with the light blue shutters over here,” she said, pointing it out.

Dan pulled the car into the drive. “Here we are, then.”

“Yeah.” Mary Ann made no move to leave the car, simply staring out the front window, hands folded in her lap.

The silence was deafening.

After a moment, Dan couldn’t take it anymore. Turning to her, he began to say, “Did you ha-“

Warm lips pressed against his own. Dan immediately thought of Phil and whether his lips were this warm, too. Then Dan felt guilty because he just wanted to be nice and he didn’t want to lead her on, but he didn’t want to hurt her feelings. He didn’t know what else to do, so he tentatively kissed back in the brief moment their lips met, then pulled away.

Mary Ann’s eyes were closed and her cheeks were flushed. Her lips broke out into a barely contained smile as her eyes opened. She giggled and bit her bottom lip as Dan pretended he was just as shy about their kiss as Mary Ann, though he was panicking internally.

“Well, um-“ she giggled again, “I guess I’ll see you in class?”

Dan nodded. “See you then.”

Mary Ann opened the door. “Thank you for the ride and- you know.” She giggled again and touched her fingers to her lips.

“You’re welcome,” Dan said with a small smile.

She finally got out of the car and Dan waited for her to get inside before he left. He pulled over on the road a little ways down the block so she wouldn’t know he was still there and took out his phone.

“C’mon Phil, please answer,” Dan muttered, breathing heavily. He decided texting would take too long, and Phil was much more likely to respond to a phone call, so he tapped the contact he had jokingly labeled “Clumsy Lion”.

Phil picked up on the third ring. “Dan?”

“Phil! Can I come over to your house right now?” Dan was still on the verge of hyperventilating, but Phil’s voice calmed him down significantly.

“You never ask before you come to my house. What’s wrong? What happened?”

“I’m just a bit- I don’t know. I did some things that I probably shouldn’t have done and I just really need my best friend right now, okay?” Dan rested his head on the steering wheel and tried to control his breathing.

“How far away are you?”

“I can be there in 10 minutes.”

“I’ll see you then. Will you be okay hanging up?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Nothing terrible happened, really, I’m just a huge mess.” He sat up straight again and focused his gaze on his car radio.

“Okay. Drive carefully, alright? You sound really freaked out.” Phil spoke slowly, and Dan could tell he was trying to stay calm for Dan’s sake.

“I will, I promise. I’ll see you in ten.”

“See you.”

Dan hung up the phone and let out a long puff of air, burying his face in his hands.

Why am I so freaked out? I’ve kissed girls before. This shouldn’t be a big deal. Get a grip, Dan.

Shaking his head and focusing on his surroundings again, Dan put his hands back on the steering wheel and carefully drove over to Phil’s house.

He had barely parked the car when Phil came running out of his house to meet Dan.

“What happened? What’s wrong?”

Dan threw himself into Phil’s arms, face buried in his neck. “I’m sorry, I don’t really know why I reacted so strongly. I’m just really confused and I don’t know what’s going on and-”

“Dan, I need you to breathe. You’re working yourself up a lot and I’m worried. Let’s get inside and sit down, yeah? We can cuddle on my bed?”

Dan nodded vigorously into Phil’s neck. “Okay. But we’re walking while hugging.”

Phil chuckled a bit at that. “We can hug-walk, sure.”

They adjusted slightly so that their legs wouldn’t bump into each other too much, and then awkwardly waddled inside and up the stairs to Phil’s room.

As soon as they were settled on Phil’s bed with Dan curled up on his chest, Dan explained what had happened.

“Well, we went shopping for so long, Phil, like, honestly, that alone took off years of my life, but everything was going okay. Sort of. I mean, she talked a lot and I was bored the whole time. And it was so hot in that shop, that was really awful. But then we left and she asked if I wanted to get dinner and I panicked because I really don’t want to go on a date with her, like, at all. She’s nice but she’s-” She’s not you, Dan thought. “She’s not a guy. It would just be weird, you know? And then we have nothing in common anyway and we spent hours shopping together and I just couldn’t handle it.”

Dan paused to take a breath. He needed to word everything carefully so that he didn’t accidentally tell Phil about his crush. Phil rubbed his hand on Dan's arm comfortingly.

“So then I took her home and in the car, she kissed me. I froze and I panicked and I kissed her back and I feel really weird and guilty about it because I don’t want to kiss her. I don’t like her. I don’t even like girls at all, but I felt like it would be rude not to kiss her back and pretend I liked it so I did. But now it just feels like I did something horribly wrong and I feel so bad.”

Phil waited a moment to make sure Dan was done speaking. "Aw, Dan, you didn't do anything wrong! She kissed you and you weren't expecting it. Besides, you've accepted that you're gay for a while now, so it makes sense that you'd be a bit shocked when a girl kissed you. You did nothing wrong."

Dan sighed and closed his eyes. But all I could think of was you. "Thanks."

"Let's just watch a movie, yeah? And then we can eat whatever you want. We'll just have a nice lazy evening in and you don't have to think about that stuff anymore."

"That sounds good. What did I do to deserve you?" Dan mumbled.

Phil laughed. "I think you mean that the other way around, Dan, but thanks."

They pulled up Netflix on Phil's laptop and spent the rest of the night giggling about nothing in the comfort of each other's arms.

~~~~~~~~~~

A week later, Dan woke up on the day of prom covered in sweat and running for the toilet, where he very nearly threw up, just barely managing to keep the vomit from flinging itself from his throat.

A few minutes later, he sat hugging the bowl of the toilet, groaning in disgust and wallowing in the feelings of absolute sickness.

"Dan? Are you alright in there?" called his mum's voice.

"I'm-" Dan swallowed around another surge of nausea, "fine."

"You don't sound too fine. Do you need anything?"

"No," Dan said, trying to sound as perfectly healthy as possible. "I promise I'm alright."

There was a moment of silence from the other side of the door in which Dan was sure his mum was contemplating whether to believe him and just walk away, or stay and force him to open the door. "If you're sure, then. Call me if you need anything, okay?"

"Okay, Mum. Thanks."

Dan listened as the footsteps faded away before he leaned his head back against the wall next to him and closed his eyes.

This is disgusting. I feel like I'm dying. At least it's Saturday and I can stay inside, right? Dan thought. When his stomach felt calm enough again, he slowly stood, took some medicine, and returned to his room, where he collapsed on his bed and grabbed his phone. He had a text from Mary Ann.

Excited for prom?? Received 9:48am.

Dan's eyes widened. Shit. I can't go to prom like this! I'll die!

But then his drug-addled and sick brain decided to be a demon and reminded him of a few things. First, he remembered how excited Mary Ann had been all week to go to prom with him, and that he had technically kissed her last week, and she would probably be super pissed if he canceled on her so last-minute. Then, he remembered his prom king nomination and the prize that went with it and how he could use it on Phi- Oh my god Phil will be wearing a suit. I have to go to prom.

Dan looked at the time and saw that it was only 11am and he didn't have to pick Mary Ann up until 6pm, which would mean leaving at 5:30 and getting ready at 4:45, 5:00 if he pushed it. He figured he wouldn't want to eat dinner if he was feeling this sick already, so that was probably a decent time. He had a plan: sleep until 4:45 and see if he was feeling better. If not, he would take some medication for what he assumed was just the flu, because what else could it be? Then he would get ready and go to prom, win prom king and Phil's heart, then return home to sleep for the rest of his life. It was a solid plan, clearly.

Deciding he might need help making sure he was awake to go to prom, he sat on his bed and called Phil.

"Hey Dan, what's up?" Phil said upon answering the phone.

"Philly I need you to do me- do me a favor," Dan slurred, swaying a bit on his bed.

"Are you okay? You sound a bit weird, is all."

"Yeah, I'm fine-" Dan coughed, interrupting himself.

"You sound sick, Dan, are you sure you're alright?"

"I mean, I have a bit of a cough and I nearly threw up earlier, but I'm fine. The ceiling looks funny, though. I think it's dancing."

"You are definitely sick if you think the ceiling is dancing. Have you taken any medicine yet? Did you check your temperature?"

"Philly shhhhh, okay? I'm fine. I need to ask you to do something for me. Promise you'll do it, Philly?"

"If it's making sure you sleep, then yes."

"No, I'm gonna do that anyway! I need you to do something else, mkay?" Dan flopped back on his bed. His eyes began to close, but he forced them back open. He had to do this.

"Okay, what do you need?"

Dan took a steadying breath to combat the recurring nausea. "Make sure I'm awake by 5."

"Why?"

"So I can get ready for prom, obviously. I need to pick Mary Ann up at 6 so I need to leave at 5:30 so I have to be awake at 5 at the latest. Keep up, Philly."

"You are so not going to prom, Dan."

Dan whined. "But why? I have to go! Mary Ann wants me to, and then I'll win prom king and I'll take somebody to the fancy restaurant and I'll see you in your suit and-"

"Dan, you can't go! You're clearly too sick. You just told me you nearly threw up, and you sound crazy! Just sleep and let yourself rest. I'm sure Mary Ann will understand."

"Fine, if you're not gonna help me, I'll just do something else," Dan said with a pouty frown even though Phil couldn't see it.

"Please tell me that 'something else' means you'll sleep all day like you clearly should."

"I'll be fine. Don't be such a worrywart." Dan snorted a laugh. "Hehe. Worrywart. You're a wart."

"Very funny, Dan, but really. Please sleep. I don't want you to hurt yourself."

"Okay, okay, god. You're such a mum."

"I'm gonna hang up now, okay? I'll come over tomorrow morning and check in on you."

I'm gonna see you tonight anyway, Dan thought. "Okay. I'll see you later."

"See you. Get some sleep."

Dan hung up the phone and set his alarm. If I don't go to prom, I can't see Phil in a suit and I won't be able to get prom king. I have to go.

After a few close calls with vomit and several hours of fitful sleep, Dan's alarm went off. He got up and took a quick but careful shower so he wouldn't be so sweaty but wouldn't throw up. Like a fucking ninja octopus, he dried his hair while brushing his teeth and applying deodorant. Downing some more medicine and putting the rest of the bottle with his phone and keys, he threw his suit on and made sure it looked alright before hobbling down the stairs.

"Dan, where are you going?" his mum asked.

"I have to pick up my date for prom, I'll see you later!" he called as he ran out the door.

Dan hopped in his car and started it while putting Mary Ann’s address in his phone to pull up a map. All in all, he wasn’t doing too bad on time when he checked the clock. He started to drive at 5:29, so he was even ahead of schedule somehow.

The drive over to his date’s house began well. He was focused on driving carefully and safely, using indicators properly and keeping his head on a swivel for other cars and pedestrians. As he continued, however, he started feeling the illness and medication creep up on his consciousness. Not too many people were on the road, thankfully, so his occasional lapses in judgment didn’t matter.

He finally arrived at Mary Ann’s house at 5:58, which he figured was a fantastic accomplishment. He was always late for everything, but he not only left early but even shaved an extra minute from his expected travel time. Dan walked up to the door of the house, corsage in hand, and stood for a moment to pull himself together.

Taking stock of himself, he realized a few things in the moment before he knocked. First, he was slightly woozy and drowsy, which he attributed to the illness. He also noticed that he felt a bit more nauseous than he had at the beginning of his journey, but thought he could make it at least until arriving at prom and finding a toilet to throw up. Then he noticed how much he was sweating, probably also due to the illness, and he got a bit worried. When he sweat too much, his hair started to-

Shit! My hair! Dan reached up and swept a hand through his tragically curly hair. His fingers caught on a curl that sprang back into place as soon as he let go, hitting his forehead with all the emotional weight of years of self-consciousness.

No, no no no no no this can’t be happening! Nobody but Phil’s ever seen my fucking hobbit hair, this is horrible! What am I gonna do? Phil will know something’s up!

In the midst of his panic, Dan failed to notice the sound of footsteps approaching the door from inside the house, which is why he jumped and let out a (very manly) scream when the door actually opened to Mary Ann.

“Oh! Hi Dan! I didn’t know you were here yet. I just came to sit out here and wait for you.”

Dan quickly recovered from his shock and self-consciously brushed his curly fringe back from his forehead. Just as he opened his mouth to greet her, Mary Ann interrupted him with a gasp.

“Your hair! Did you curl it for prom? Or is naturally curly?!”

Dan felt his cheeks heat up a violent shade of red and he looked at the ground. “Oh, uh, yeah. I straighten it every day, but I guess I forgot before coming here.”

Mary Ann surged forward and started petting Dan’s head as he was talking. “I absolutely love it! It’s adorable.”

Feeling just fucked up enough from his plague and the medication, Dan just let her feel his hair. In any other circumstance, he would have immediately ducked away and gotten himself the hell out of the situation, but he was trying too hard to focus on not throwing up to do anything more than continue looking away.

“Is this for me?” Mary Ann pointed to the corsage.

“Um, yeah. Here.” He pushed the small box over to her and helped her put the flowers on her wrist.

“It’s lovely. Thank you.”

“Of course. You, um. You look great.” Dan was still sort of unsure about how far to take this, given the events of last week. He didn’t want to lead her on any more than he apparently already had, but he couldn’t pick up his prom date and not say she looked nice, could he?

“Thanks!”

He held out his arm for her to take then led her down the walkway to the street, where he had parked. Mary Ann started chattering about something-or-other, probably gossip about her friends’ dates, but Dan wasn’t really listening. He concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other until he got to the car. Dan opened the door for her, then got into the car himself.

Whoa, I feel dizzy. Get ahold of yourself, Dan, he told himself as he sat down.

Dan started the car again and drove over to the school, where the dance was to be held.

The whole ride there, Mary Ann chatted away about the latest episodes of whatever shows she liked while Dan studiously ignored her. His eyes were glued to the road, his hands grasping the steering wheel so tightly that they might as well have been attached. His thoughts were a constant mantra of Don’t throw up, don’t throw up, don’t throw up and Just make it to prom and then you’ll feel better.

After what felt like years, they arrived at the school. Dan parked and got out of the car, then carefully made his way over to Mary Ann’s door and opened it for her. Linking arms, they walked into the building.

If Dan had not felt so sick and disgusting, he would have taken a moment to appreciate the prom aesthetics. And, of course, “appreciate” is a bit of a stretch.

It looked like Kermit the Frog and Donald Trump had exploded in the room. Bright green and spray-tan orange covered the banners and balloons for a disgusting mix, but the students were sort of used to it. Whoever had the bright idea to make those the school colors really needed some adjustments to their thought processes.

As it was, Dan saw the gaudy decorations and merely stumbled a bit, bumping into Mary Ann, who took that as an invitation to lean into him and practically hang off his arm as they continued walking in.

A few steps into the room, Dan saw Phil and gasped. He had been imagining how Phil would look in a suit for so long now, and the real thing was even better than he could’ve anticipated.

Phil wore a dark blue suit with a light blue tie and a white dress shirt underneath. His date, their friend Janice, wore a dress that matched the blue of Phil’s tie. She looked pretty, but all Dan could do was stare at his best friend. He was wearing his glasses, which made him look a bit Clark Kent-ish in the best way, and Dan swore that the goddess of love herself couldn’t compete with how stunning Phil looked in that moment.

“Dan?” Mary Ann waved a hand in front of his face, breaking his trance. He glanced down at her briefly, trying to give her his full attention but failing miserably, as he kept stealing peeks at Phil from across the room. “You okay? You just stopped walking.”

“I’m-” Dan’s voice cracked and he cleared his throat before trying again. “I’m fine, sorry. Just a bit warm, I guess.” He ran a hand through his hair, mentally cursing himself as that made him remember it was still curly.

Mary Ann didn’t look like she believed him, but apparently decided not to do anything about it and instead started pulling him farther into the room. “Come on! We have to say hi to everybody.”

Dan tore his gaze from Phil and followed obediently, not that he had any other choice with how adamantly his date was holding his arm.

They approached Mary Ann’s group of friends but were stopped by Phil calling out to Dan, sounding surprised and worried.

“Dan!”

The sickly teenager turned around and came face-to-face with the object of his affections, and nearly started drooling at the eye-candy.

“Are you alright? Dan?”

Apparently, Dan had not-too-subtly been staring at Phil, totally zoned out.

“I’m okay, yeah, uh-” Dan stopped trying to come up with an excuse when he took note of Phil’s I can see straight through your lies expression.

“Mary Ann, I’m just gonna borrow Dan for a sec, okay? We’ll be right back.”

Phil pulled Dan’s arm out of Mary Ann’s before she could respond, and dragged him back across the room towards the beverages and food.

“What the hell, Dan! I told you not to come!” Phil said as he let go of Dan’s arm.

“Well, yeah, but I’m fine now!”

“Your hair’s curly, which clearly means something is wrong because you hate your curly hair, you’re sweating like a pig, and you’re swaying.”

Dan blinked and looked around. “I am? Is that why the room is spinning?”

Phil’s mouth dropped open. “Why the room’s- Dan!”

“Yeah, everything’s kind of spinning and dancing around, which makes sense, ‘cause, I mean, we’re at prom. Of course they’re dancing.”

“How did Mary Ann not notice how fucked up you are right now?” Phil muttered, seemingly to himself. Dan heard it anyway.

“Whoa, Philly, letting out the swears now! Shhhh I promise I won’t tell your mum,” Dan giggled.

“You need to go home, Dan. You’re clearly sick.”

“I’m fine! I took some medication,” Dan explained, yawning.

Phil’s eyes widened as he seemed to realize something. “Wait, did you drive here?!”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t-”

Phil grabbed Dan’s shoulders and looked him in the eye with exasperated concern. “Dan, you’re sick! You shouldn’t have done that!”

“Philly, I’m fine, okay? God.” Dan turned and grabbed some water off the table behind him, then grabbed Phil’s hand. “Let’s go dance now. It’s prom and you look fantastic.”

“I really think you should sit down, Dan,” Phil said, watching Dan sway as he turned to the dance floor.

Dan rolled his eyes. “If you’re gonna be a killjoy, I’ll just leave you here. Bye, Phil.” With that, Dan walked away, making sure to sway his hips more than normal to draw Phil’s eyes to his ass, since he knew it looked damn good in these pants.

He returned to Mary Ann, who pulled him to the dance floor.

“What did Phil want?” she asked.

“Nothing, it’s fine. Let’s just dance,” Dan suggested.

As the dancing continued, Dan felt his empty stomach gurgle and burble, threatening to release its acidic contents on the world, but he ignored it. A few times, he caught Phil staring at him, which made him smirk. He was definitely getting Phil’s attention, and he loved it. Dan figured his illness was actually helping him a bit, as it seemed to be giving him the confidence to dance a bit more provocatively and send Phil several sexy looks.

An hour after they arrived, the DJ played a slow song, and Mary Ann insisted on dancing the obligatory Awkward Prom Dance with it. Dan stepped closer, resigning himself to this very heterosexual moment with a sigh, then placed his hands on Mary Ann’s waist. She put her arms around his neck and pulled him closer so her chest touched his stomach, and her head rested on his chest. Dan could feel the corsage on her wrist tickling his neck and he shivered.

I wish she were Phil. I could rest my head on his shoulder and he would have his arms around my waist and some stupid corsage wouldn’t violate me.

Dan took the remainder of the song to stare over at Phil, who was calmly chatting with Janice by the snacks and occasionally glancing his way, presumably to make sure he hadn’t died yet.

As the song ended, Mary Ann pulled her head off of Dan’s chest and looked up into his eyes. Her movement caught his eye again and he looked down in time to see her eyes flutter closed as she reached up to kiss him.

Shit, no. Not again. I can’t kiss her again! I’m meant to be kissing Phil!

Dan turned his head quickly so Mary Ann’s kiss landed on his sweaty cheek instead.

“Ew!” she squealed, rearing back swiftly.

Unfortunately for Dan, his balance had been relying on Mary Ann either staying exactly where she was, or her moving slowly enough that he wouldn’t fall over. As a consequence of her swift retreat, he lost his balance and staggered into her enough that she shuffled back a few more steps, and his head went directly down into her breasts.

“Oh my god!” she screamed, pushing him off of her. “You’re such a creep!”

As soon as his face was out of her boobs, Mary Ann smacked him so hard that he lost his footing for the second time and fell over onto the floor as his date stormed off.

Dan lay on the floor groaning. What just happened? Oh, god, don’t throw up, don’t throw up!

“Hello everyone! We’re so glad you could make it out to prom tonight! It is time to announce prom king and queen!”

The crowd roared and Dan covered his ears. He could hear what was happening, but he couldn’t really process it. He was too busy getting his stomach back under control.

After what could have been hours or minutes, Dan heard more yelling and felt several pairs of hands grab him and yank him off the ground.

“Congrats, mate!” said one of his classmates.

Another slapped him on the back when he was finally standing upright. “Way to go! Go on up there and get it now!”

What? Go where and get what? Where’s Phil?

Somehow, Dan got pushed forward to the stage, from which he gathered he had won prom king.

Prom king? Me? I can finally take Phil on that date!

More hands grabbed Dan and hauled him up onto the stage to accept his prize. Dan stood under the bright lights, looking out over a sea of teens amidst the horrendous green and orange banners.

It was there, as he was crowned the king of prom in front of his whole class, that he had one of the most terrifying thoughts he would ever have in his life: I’m gonna puke. Shit.

The next thing he knew, everyone near the stage was screaming and moving as far back as they could as Dan projectile vomited water and medication all over the front of the stage.

Somewhere in the chaos, the crown fell off his head and clunked on the floor, which was the only sound Dan’s brain would latch onto. It was as if everything else had fallen away and all he was aware of was how absolutely disgusting he felt, the sound of the crown falling, and the bile spilling from his mouth. He registered a hazy thought, I lost the crown. I’m not king anymore. I can’t take Phil out, then he began to cry. His shoulders shook slightly and his eyes filled with tears.

Hands found his back and rubbed gently, pulling him into a well-dressed chest. His brain was too foggy to understand, but instinct told him to latch tightly onto the only thing keeping him steady.

His support began to move, so he followed weakly. To the left, down some stairs, and across a floor.

I want to go home. I feel terrible, he thought. Where’s Phil?

Stumbling along, he started to worry. Phil was there. Phil saw me throw up. He’s probably mad at me, oh god. He told me not to come and now he’s left me with a stranger to get better.

A voice cut through his foggy thoughts as they entered an empty hallway, “I told you that you shouldn’t have come.”

Dan frowned in confusion. “No you didn’t, Phil did.”

The voice sighed. “Yeah, he did.”

Dan sniffled a little. “Do you think he’s mad at me?” he whispered. “I don’t want him to be mad at me.”

“I don’t think he’s mad at you,” the voice reassured.

“Are you sure?” he whimpered.

“Yes, I’m sure.” Dan’s support tugged his arm higher on their back and kept pulling him along.

Relief flowed through Dan at the reassurance and he finally stopped crying. “Oh, good. I have to ask him something.”

“Oh, really? What’s that?”

“It’s important.”

“What do you wanna ask Phil?”

Dan hesitated. “It’s a secret.” He wasn’t sure he could trust this voice, but he wanted to.

“It’s alright. You can tell me.”

What’s the worst that could happen? The voice is really nice, and it’s helping me, and it’s calming… I should just tell it. “I’m gonna ask him to go on a date with me and we can use those gift certificates to go to dinner.”

Dan’s support stumbled.

“Oh- Oh really?”

The voice sounded a bit higher-pitched, and Dan couldn’t figure out why.

“Yeah, ‘cause he’s pretty,” Dan slurred matter-of-factly.

His support stumbled again, and the voice seemed to choke on nothing.

“Wait, really? You think he’s pretty?”

Dan rolled his eyes, then stopped walking for a moment to control a new wave of nausea. “Of fucking course. I mean, have you seen him? You could go swimming in those eyes. And I’ve been dying to see him in his suit for so long now and he looks even better than I imagined.”

The voice let out another high-pitched “Oh”, then fell silent for the rest of the journey.

Dan and his support finally walked through the doorway to a brightly-lit room and stopped. Dan squinted his eyes against the light, feeling another bout of nausea creeping up. The gentle hands from before pushed him down into a seat.

A new voice came and began asking questions, which Dan tried to answer but mostly couldn’t understand. All he knew was that he felt horrible, was tired, and wanted his best friend.

The first voice and the new voice talked a bit more once Dan became largely unresponsive, then Dan felt something pull at his suit jacket and take something out of the pocket.

“Hey, tha’s mine,” he said weakly. He was just so tired.

“Dan, did you take this medication earlier?” said the second voice.

“Yeah, ‘cause I felt sick.”

“Well, that does explain a lot, doesn’t it. You took a nighttime fever medication. I’m honestly impressed you’re awake at all right now.”

“I don’t want to be. Can I sleep now?”

The first voice came back. “No, Bear, you have to go home first.”

“Don’t call me that! Only Philly can call me Bear!”

“Okay, I’m sorry! I won’t call you that.”

Dan tried to nod firmly, but it probably looked more like a delirious head bob than anything else.

“Can you stand up again? I’m going to take you home now.”

“But what about my car? And what about Philly? I just want to sleep!” Dan wailed. Tears began to fall again.

“Hey, no, shhhh. Don’t cry, it’s okay. You can come get your car in the morning and we’ll tell Phil to meet you at home, okay? You can sleep on the way there.”

Warm thumbs brushed Dan’s tears from his cheeks as he nodded again. “Okay.” He slowly stood up and leaned on his support, which he now figured belonged to the voice. They meandered to a car and climbed in.

“You can sleep now, Dan. I’ll wake you up at your house.”

“Okay,” Dan replied, then rested his head back and closed his eyes.

When they opened again, Dan found himself sitting in front of his house with someone gently shaking him awake. He felt slightly better now, but his brain was still way behind.

“We’re here. Let’s get you inside, okay?”

Dan took the hands offered him and pulled himself from the car, wobbling unsteadily under his own weight.

“I’ve got you. I won’t let you fall.”

Slowly but surely, Dan and his support made it through the front door.

“Dan? You’re back early,” his mum’s voice called.

The thought of trying to yell back his response nearly made Dan throw up again, so he just clung to his support.

They made their way up the stairs to Dan’s room with the voice from earlier reassuring his mum along the way.

At long last, Dan was finally sitting on his bed while his support and his mum helped take off his shoes and suit. When they were done with him, he lowered himself down onto his bed so he could sleep. He vaguely understood that someone put a bucket next to his bed for him in case he puked again, before his illness and exhaustion caught up with him and he fell asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~

Consciousness slowly returned to Dan, and he groaned. His head hurt, his throat was dry, his mouth tasted horrible, and every part of him felt drenched in sweat.

“Dan? Are you awake?”

Who the fuck is here? I just want to sleep. His eyes opened slowly to see Phil’s perfect face leaning over his bed.

“Good morning, sleepyhead. Feeling any better?”

Phil was wearing his glasses and his hair was all messed up like he had just woken up. Light from the window behind him made a halo around him that just confirmed how much of an angel Dan knew him to be.

“Dan? You okay?”

Dan blinked. “Uh. Yeah, I think. My head hurts.”

“Are you gonna throw up?”

“I don’t think so? Why are you here?”

“Well, you’re sick and I was worried, so I slept on the floor.” He pointed at a pile of blankets on the floor next to Dan’s bed.

“Oh.” Dan tried to remember what happened last night, but everything was just a fuzzy blur. "When did you get here? I don't really remember what happened."

"You don't remember?" Phil asked, incredulous.

Dan shook his head warily. "No? What happened?"

Phil cringed but tried to smile through it. "Well, I got here when I drove you home from prom."

"Prom? Oh, shit, prom!" Dan scrunched up his face as if that would send the memories back to him. It didn’t work.

"Yeah, prom. You won prom king!" Phil was wringing his hands.

That doesn't look good. "Why do you make it sound like this is a bad thing?"

"Well..." Phil wouldn't make eye contact. He ran a hand through his fringe.

"Philip Michael Lester, you need to tell me what happened! If it's that bad, just say it all at once. Rip off the plaste-"

"You threw up in front of the whole prom!" Phil yelled, then slapped his hands over his face.

"I what?"

"When you went to accept your crown, you got on the stage and vomited. People kind of freaked out." Phil stared at the floor warily.

Dan’s mouth hung open for a moment as he tried to imagine it, then groaned. "Oh my god."

"Yeah."

Dan stared at the ceiling in shock. He felt warm, as though the room had gotten three times hotter. He tossed the covers off his body to try to regulate his body temperature, then something occurred to him.

"Did anybody record it? Is my humiliation on the internet now? Will I have to live with this for the rest of my life? Oh my god, Phil!" He started hyperventilating.

"No, I think you're alright. Breathe, Dan. Nice and slow, okay?" Phil put a reassuring hand on Dan's shoulder.

"How many people were there, Phil?"

"I don't think that'll hel-"

Dan interrupted with a glare. "How many people?"

Phil sighed and shook his head but answered the question. "It was prom, so just about everybody from school?" His face screwed up in pity and concern.

Groaning, Dan slapped his hands onto his face.

"I'm sorry, Bear!"

"What are you sorry for? You're not the one whose immune system betrayed them." Dan dug his palms into his eyes like it would push away all knowledge of his public humiliation.

"You're just so clearly upset and I hate it. I wish I could do something."

Dan opened his mouth to tell Phil there was nothing more he could do but be there, but then something occurred to him. He squinted up at Phil. "Wait. Unless this was a dream, I called you yesterday. Did that happen? Didn't you tell me not to go?"

"I mean... Yes, that happened, and I did tell you not to go..."

"Then you did try to do something."

Phil looked away from Dan's face and down at the bedsheets. He picked at the black fitted sheet. "I don't know, I just feel bad!"

"And you're the one that took me away from the stage, right? I can't imagine anybody else would help me."

"I guess." Phil pulled up part of the sheet and let it fall back down.

"Phil, look at me. Hey. Look at me," Dan insisted. He reached out for Phil’s hand, steadying it on the mattress, then waited until those beautiful blue eyes looked back up at him before continuing. "This is not your fault, okay?"

"But-"

"No, Phil. No buts. You saved my ass despite me giving you shit. This is on me. Got it?"

Phil nodded with a slight smile. "Got it."

"Good, now hand me that bucket before I throw up on you."

Phil squeaked and grabbed the bucket, then ran out of the room to the pitiful sound of Dan throwing up again.

~~~~~~~~~~

Dan looked up from his laptop when someone knocked on his bedroom door the next day. It was Monday now, so Phil had gone home the previous night and then to school that morning. Dan saw that school should have ended by then, so he assumed it was Phil. "Come in," he said.

Sure enough, the door opened to reveal a refreshed-looking Phil.

"Hey," Phil said, walking into the room and sitting on the edge of Dan's bed.

"Hey." Dan smiled. He was really glad Phil was there to check in on him.

"Are you feeling any better?" Phil asked. He was tracing patterns on Dan's duvet while making concerned eye contact through his fringe.

"I'm alright. It looks like it was just one of those 24-hour stomach bugs or something, so I’ll be back at school tomorrow. I didn't get you sick, right?"

Phil shook his head. "Nah, I'm fine."

Dan breathed a sigh of relief, leaning his head back against the headboard. "Good. I'd feel really guilty if I did."

"Hey, no. There's no reason for that."

Knowing it would be pointless to argue, Dan simply said, "Sorry."

"Hey, um. Do you remember anything else from prom?"

Dan's head snapped back up to look at Phil suspiciously. "What? No, why?"

"Oh, uh, you know. No reason." Phil didn't make eye contact, which made Dan even more suspicious, but Phil continued before he could comment. "So, do you have any plans for that gift card thing?"

Dan's eyes narrowed, but he decided to leave it be for now. Then the question caught up with him and he realized that his plan with the certificate was to ask Phil on a date. Shit! I'm not ready to ask him yet, I'm still disgusting! I'll have to lie to him. Shit. He always knows when I’m lying. "Not particularly. I mean, what could I use it for?" Dan let out a slightly nervous laugh, hoping Phil wouldn't catch on to the lie.

"I mean, they're meant for a romantic night out. Are you gonna use them for Mary Ann?"

Dan was relieved for the change of subject and the chance to distract Phil. "Nah, she broke up with me over text yesterday after you left. It's probably because I vomited in front of the whole school, which is pretty humiliating, to be fair."

"Oh wow. That’s kinda rude.”

“I mean, I’m not bothered by it. We technically were never actually dating; we just went to prom together. Besides, I’m gay, so… basically, I’m a single Pringle with nobody to use my certificate on.” Dan let out a hopefully-convincing self-deprecating chuckle.

Phil’s demeanor changed entirely at that, going silent for a moment and staring at the bed. “Oh, right. Obviously,” he said quietly.

Dan froze. Phil was acting really weird. “Are- are you okay, Phil?”

Phil’s head snapped up. “What? Y-yeah, I’m fine. Everything’s- yeah, fine.”

Dan eyed him suspiciously. “If you’re sure…”

“Positive!” Phil’s expression finally brightened, as if he were trying to put real effort into acting happy. But Dan could still tell it was an act.

Dan hesitated, but decided to let it go. “Okay. If there’s something wrong, you know you can talk to me anytime, right?”

Phil rolled his eyes and pushed Dan’s shoulder. “Duh, you’re my best friend. That’s your job.”

Dan flinched internally at the moniker, now that he was so close to finally having the confidence to ask Phil on a date, but he suppressed it. “Right. So…” He racked his brain for something to do to lighten the tense mood. “Mario Kart?”

“I’ll kick your ass, Howell.”

“You’re on.”

Dan loaded up the game on the TV in his room and handed a controller to Phil. As they started up, Dan was mostly lost in his own thoughts, half-assing the banter and the video game.

There is definitely something wrong. Did I say something wrong? Dan glanced over at Phil’s face to try to read his emotions. He looks happy, I guess, but he’s so closed off. What happened? He thought through the conversation they had just had to figure it out. Maybe it was something about prom. Why would he ask if I remember anything else if I didn’t do anything stupid that he didn’t tell me about earlier? Oh my god. He asked about the gift certificate. What if I told him I wanted to use it on him while I was sick? What if I said I like him?! Oh, god, this is stressful. Dan stole another glance at Phil.

“Eat my blue shell!” Phil yelled.

Dan’s eyes widened and snapped back to the screen in front of him.

“No! You fucking- you cheater! Shit! Nooooo!”

Phil cackled evilly as he sped past Dan and into first place.

Finding it hard to concentrate on the game and his nonexistent love life at the same time, Dan gave up on the latter for the time being. He had to kick Phil’s ass at this game. He’d fucked up being prom king, so now all he had was his title as Mario Kart king. Even if that was a completely made-up title only significant to the two of them.

A few hours later, they were both getting tired of Dan beating Phil at Mario Kart (although Phil did have a good streak going for a few rounds), so they flopped back on Dan’s bed.

What am I gonna do about whatever happened at prom? Should I even still ask Phil? If he knew my plans, surely he would’ve said something if he wanted to go on a date with me, right? Dan thought. Maybe I should try to see what’s up with him. Maybe he has a crush he’s been hiding from me. I’ll ask and then I’ll know if it’s worth it or not.

Dan rolled onto his side to look at Phil, and Phil did the same. They giggled at each other, then fell silent for a moment, just staring at each other. Dan worked up the courage to ask what he needed to know.

“So, Phil,” he started casually. “Got any crushes recently?”

Clearly, Phil hadn’t been expecting that. His eyes widened and his cheeks turned bright red.

“You do! Aw, that’s adorable. Spill.” Dan tried to hide his jealousy.

Phil looked horrified. “What? No!”

“Come onnnn,” Dan whined. He made puppy eyes and batted his eyelashes at Phil.

“No! Not the eyes!” Phil covered his face with his hands, then groaned in defeat. “Fine. But only if you tell me who you like right after, okay?”

Shit. If I lie, he’ll know and be mad at me. If I tell the truth, well, obviously he’d know…

“Ugh, fine. Don’t tell me who it is. But I’ll tell you what my crush is like if you tell me more about yours.”

Phil pondered this for a second, staring at his hands. Suddenly, he looked determinedly into Dan’s eyes. “Deal.”

Dan felt his stomach churn. I didn’t think this through. Not only do I have to describe him in such a way that’s accurate but vague, but I have to listen to him rant about his own crush’s perfect qualities? I’m an idiot. Outwardly, Dan pretended to be unaffected. “You first, Lester.”

Phil rolled his eyes, but agreed. “Okay, he’s in our class-“

“Ooh, a he?” Dan gasped in fake shock.

“Dan. I’m gay. You know that. Hell, you’ve known that longer than I have!”

Dan pretended to wipe a tear from his eye. “It seems like just yesterday you didn’t know.”

Phil gave him a look like are you done yet?

No. He definitely wasn’t done yet.

“You were so tremendously adorable when you didn’t realize that finding a boy cute meant you were at least a little gay. I still remember how you casually mentioned that Zac Efron is a hot piece of ass…”

“Anyway! My current crush, the guy in our class-“

“Oh, yes, do go on,” Dan encouraged. Despite the theatrics, he was still seething on the inside. This was a really, really idiotic idea, but there was no backing out of it now.

“Well, he’s kind of tall-“

“How tall? Taller than you?” There were only a few guys in their class taller than Phil, Dan being one of them, but he wouldn’t get his hopes up.

“I can’t tell you that! That’s too specific, and specifics could give it away, which defeats the whole purpose of the descriptions!”

“Wow, okay, jeez.” Dan held his hands up in a placating gesture. “Do continue, Romeo.”

Phil punched him in the arm before asking, “What else do you want to know?”

“The usual, of course. Hair color, eye color, national insurance number?”

“Brown, brown, and why the hell would I know that, Dan?”

Dan shrugged. He was going through the faces of every guy in their class in his head, trying to think who might have brown eyes, brown hair, and be “tall” by Phil’s standards. “I don’t know, it was just a question! Why do you like him? Have you ever talked to him? Does he like guys? Just rant to me, Phil, come on! Tell me what he’s like!”

Finally goaded into a proper response, Phil began to talk. He wouldn’t make eye contact though, picking at the duvet instead. He spoke slowly and tentatively at first, still unsure, but he gradually gained confidence. “Yes, I’ve talked to him. We’ve talked a quite few times, actually. He’s- he’s nice, and he’s funny. And he likes the video games that I like, and he’s- you’re gonna laugh at me. Never mind, I just like him.”

“Well, except now you have to tell me or I’ll think it’s something really ridiculous,” Dan pushed. He really was a masochist, apparently.

Phil hesitated again, glancing up at Dan’s intent face, then back at the bed. He sighed. “I was just- I was gonna say that he’s really pretty and he has this adorable laugh that just makes me want to laugh right along with him and he has a dimple- god, his dimple is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. I just wish I could reach out and touch it sometimes, you know?”

Phil still wouldn’t look at Dan, but Dan decided that was a good thing. He was sure he had turned green with envy of this supposedly gorgeous guy that had caught Phil’s eye so completely. He did his best to brush it off, though, and respond in kind with how he’d been saying everything for the last few minutes.

“Not really, but sure. He sounds great, Phil.”

“Okay, I’m done. Now it’s your turn.” Phil finally looked up at Dan again.

Here we go. Don’t be too obvious.

“Okay, so he-“

“It’s a boy?!”

Dan shot Phil his best are you kidding me, dipshit face.

“Hey, you did it to me! It’s only fair. Continue.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Thank you for your blessing, o wise Philip.” Dan took a deep breath as subtly as he could before beginning to speak. “So, he’s pretty tall and has black hair and blue eyes.” He kept it as succinct as possible, worried Phil would figure out that Dan meant him.

“Oh? And why do you like him? Have you talked to him before?”

Careful, Dan, this could get a bit dangerous.

“I have talked to him, yes, and he’s also nice and funny.” Suddenly, it was like Dan couldn’t stop talking. He had to say what he loved about Phil, consequences be damned. Well, mostly damned. “And sometimes he’s just this absolute ray of sunshine, too precious for his own good-“ shit I’ve called Phil a ray of sunshine before, did he notice?? “-and he’s so, so fucking beautiful and I don’t think he knows it-“

“You’re just a little One Direction song over there, now,” Phil giggled, covering his face with his hands like he was embarrassed.

Dan felt a slight surge of pride. He must feel jealous of the guy I like! Maybe he does like me after all and I just need to show him what he’s missing… “But it’s true! He’s so pretty and nobody ever tells him so.”

“Sounds like you’ve got it bad, Howell.”

Dan sighed and stared into Phil’s eyes with a dreamy smile. “I really do.” He stayed like that for a minute before realizing he was giving Phil massive heart eyes, which would definitely give him away, so he looked down at his bed and wiped the goofy grin off his face.

They stayed silent for a few more minutes as Dan tried to think of something new to do or say while he felt Phil’s eyes boring into his soul through the top of his head and his still-curly hair.

Finally, Phil spoke up. “Dan.” He sounded serious, but gentle.

Dan cautiously looked back up through his unruly fringe. “Yeah?”

“I know.”

Shit, this is it.

“Know what?” Playing stupid could buy him some more time, maybe.

“I know you were talking about me.”

Dan immediately ducked his head down further and looked away from Phil’s face. “What? Of course not, don’t be ridiculous,” he said half-heartedly.

“I know you too well for you to be able to lie to me, Dan.”

Dan stayed silent. He didn’t know what to say or how to fix their surely-ended friendship. He flopped onto his pillow so he could hide his face, then, out of curiosity, eventually brought himself to ask a question.

“Did I say something to you at prom? Is that- is that why you keep asking me if I remember?”

“Yeah. You did.”

Dan began to panic. “Shit. I’m so sorry. Please don’t stop talking to me, I-“

“Of course I won’t stop talking to you! I never would. We’re best friends forever, and don’t you forget it.”

This time, Dan did flinch at the moniker. His poor broken heart couldn’t take it. “Okay. Thank you.”

“Dan. Please look at me,” Phil implored gently.

Dan shook his head and buried his face into the mattress even more than he already had.

“Dan, please.”

He sighed, then carefully turned his head slightly to the side so only the smallest bit of one eye could see Phil and Phil could only see the smallest portion of Dan’s face.

Dan gasped in surprise. Phil had gotten much closer than he had been. Then he felt Phil wrap his arms around Dan, and heard a soft, “It’s okay.”

Melting into the hug, Dan whispered, “But it’s not, because you like some other guy!”

Phil chuckled. “You really think that?”

“Of course I do! You just told me you did!”

Phil chuckled again, but it was softer this time. “I never said who it was.”

Dan froze. “Oh.”

“I like you, Dan.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, ‘oh’.”

“Well that’s a relief,” Dan said. He tightened his hold on Phil and tangled their legs together.

“That’s all you have to say?” Phil giggled.

“Oh, no, I have plenty to say. I just don’t know where to start.”

Dan lifted his head a little so he could look at Phil, who was gazing at him like he put the stars in the sky. He could see that now and wasn’t sure how he’d missed it before. It was honestly a bit disgusting how smitten Phil looked, but Dan didn’t care. He was sure he looked the same.

Phil leaned his head forward so their foreheads rested against each other, then whispered, “Why don’t you start with those gift certificates?”

Dan giggled. “Phil, since you asked so nicely, would you go on a date with me to a fancy-ass restaurant courtesy of some assholes who voted me prom king before I vomited on them all?”

“It would be an honor.”

“Good, ‘cause I’m sure as hell not using them on some random girl.”

“Obviously. Because you’re gay.”

Dan giggled. “So very gay.”

“Can I kiss you?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

And when Phil actually kissed Dan, Dan took a moment to appreciate that Phil’s lips weren’t warmer than Mary Ann’s, but they certainly were better in every way possible. The thought was swallowed up quickly, though, as Dan’s mind went blank and he let himself enjoy being with Phil.

#phan #phanfic #phandom reverse bang #high school au #phan fluff #getting together

168 notes · View notes

cecilspeaks · 7 years ago

Text

126 - A Door Ajar part 3

Always keep your eyes closed during a storm. Otherwise your soul will get all wet and mildewy.

Welcome to Night Vale.

I hate sounding like a news media alarmist, but a phantom ocean has completely destroyed Old Town. I mean, destroyed. Wave after wave of cold brine has entirely swept away the Old Town drawbridge. Which is a shame, because the city made considerable strides towards its completion in recent years. Also missing: a number of cars, pets, human beings, and the teetering stack of bath tubs that granted wishes. A more complete list of the missing items has been posted at the newly reopened Pancake House. Come on down to the Pancake House, check if any of your loved ones have been affected by this horrible disaster, and enjoy free hotcakes. One free hotcake per missing loved one.

The surviving residents of Old Town have been placed with compulsory volunteer host families throughout the rest of town. Many of the survivors of the recent shipwreck have finally been placed in their own permanent housing, and are now hosting flood victims. Having experienced recent displacement themselves, The Really Tall One, Dr. Shouty, Old Wood Teeth, Rebecca, and the Captain are proving to be elegant hosts, and have been reported to supply slipper socks, steamed hand towels and all natural calamari flavored toothpaste to their guests. This generosity has put many Night Vale residents, who initially complained about hosting the shipwreck survivors, to shame. You know who you are, and so do we. There’s a list of those who should be ashamed of themselves posted at the newly reopened Pancake House.

Sometimes I get really tired of negative reporting. As the most prominent voice in local current events, I feel like what I say and how I say it does make a difference in framing the attitudes of the people who listen. That, that’s a big responsibility. So I’ve been thinking, it’s important to focus on the positive things too. I’m gonna try to do that more. Starting now.

What I said before was an exaggeration. Old Town isn’t completely destroyed. Oh yes, it’s uninhabitable, and some people who live there are now non-living. But there’s a lot of beauty left there, too! I mean, one might look over Old Town from the roof of the Earth Sciences building and appreciate the miles of pristine, shining water. Water we desert-dwellers never get to see! All of the tragedy and destruction is almost totally invisible beneath the waves, so it’s actually pretty easy to ignore. Oh, and one architectural landmark does remain. The controversial new traffic roundabout is glowing with blue light, and can be seen just below the water line, and will be ready to use again… soon.

Speaking of the roof of the Earth Sciences building, I should tell you guys what happened with Carlos the other night. It went really well, mostly. I mean, he was very open about the fact that he’s been hiding something from me, but he said it wasn’t a big deal and he doesn’t want to talk about it. I know I said all I wanted was for him to admit something was bothering him, and that him pretending nothing was wrong was really what was driving me crazy. But it turns out that wasn’t true. Now I’m being driven crazy by not knowing what it is. I mean, what if it’s about me? Even if it’s not about me directly, the fact that he doesn’t feel comfortable telling me it has to be a problem with us, doesn’t it? We’re supposed to share everything with each other, aren’t we?

I couldn’t let it go, so I finally asked him to see a couples counselor with me. The Really Tall One, who until last week had been staying with my sister and her husband, got her counseling license last week, so we’re going to see her. I even get a discount since she’s become so close to my niece Janice. We have our first phone session together scheduled for later today. I’m, I’m really hoping we can get to the bottom of this so I can stop obsessing! I mean, a-and also so Carlos can let go of whatever is distracting him so much, and then we can both get back to distracting each other. The emotional complexities of sharing a life with another are all that’s on my mind. Also, the sudden ocean which destroyed Old Town.

Oh, breaking news on that: all members of the Marine Biology Association have been reported missing. Randy lance, Girl Scouts Splinter faction leader, reports that the GPS tracking devices she secretly adhered to the biologists’ shoe heels have stopped transmitting, and no one has seen any of the biologists in over 24 hours. Members of the Tourism Board have declined verbal comment, instead offering a giddy smile while waving a giant foam number 1 finger. And with no biologists to throw a tantrum about menacing biohazards hidden in an unsecured locker, members of the Tourism Board have gone out to the storage unit in Radon Canyon to relocate their secret aquarium of semi-animate clear jelly collected from our new ocean to a more public venue.

Making our flooding situation even worse is the hard rain. On the bright side, we don’t normally get much rain around these parts. The gentle percussion of water is so soothing! It reminds me of my new sleep meditation track, Bloodstorm. More on the weather in a moment, but first an update from Radon Canyon. I’ve received word that the blobs of semi-animate translucent jelly in the Tourism Board’s aquarium have fused together to form one giant jelly cube that now completely fills the 12 foot by 12 foot storage unit from wall to wall. Horrifically unnerved by this discovery, agents from the Tourism Board who went to recover the aquarium have all left Radon Canyon and hired the Really Tall One for private therapy sessions. Head of the Tourism Board, Madeline LeFleur, released a statement which only said: “Well crap”. LeFleur was last seen in full sprint toward the airport.

And now, a PSA.

Deb: Hello friends. This is Deb, a sentient and occasionally benevolent, patch of haze. Speaking for the Department of Motor Vehicles. We’ve had some complaints about our eyeball donation program. We want to emphasize we created this program with only the best intentions. We’re sure you understand that. According to a survey, people in the donation program have been very satisfied they can retain some sort of consciousness after death. However, they have been reportedly very unsatisfied with what their eyes continue to see. This has ranged from nonconsensual television viewing in the middle of a season they’re not caught up with, to the witnessing of crimes and subsequent ethical dilemma of testifying in court against their own host bodies.

We hear your concerns. And you know what? Fine. The eyeball donation checkbox will be discontinued on all new DMV forms. The DMV itself has also been discontinued. If you need any services from the DMV, please go to another town. Please don’t call or come to the office. If you see any DMV workers around town, [tearily] please don’t speak to them or acknowledge their presents. It’s obvious you don’t like them. It will only make this harder for all of us. We think a little space would be good for us right now. But we do want you to know we were only trying to something nice. We care deeply about our DMV customers and have only wanted the best for you. We know that doesn’t make it right, but no matter what, just remember: the DMV loves you. The DMV has always loved you. That’s the important thing. If we could afford the rights to that Green Day song, we’d play. Good knowing you. Love, the DMV.

Cecil: I want to get back to the Carlos stuff, listeners. I really need to talk this all out, but I keep getting breaking news updates. We finally have word on the missing biologists. That’s good news. We found them out in the Scrublands. The bad news is we were only able to find partially eaten pieces of them. With the leadership of the Marine Biologist Association vacated, Randy Lance declared herself and the Girl Scouts Splinter Faction as the city’s foremost experts in marine biology. Lance surmises there is an aquatic creature of large tooth size and insatiable hunger living in this new ocean. Lance speculated the biologists were engaged in a heroic attempt to study the marine biology abruptly available to them, when events took a tragic turn. The biologists’ loved ones clarified that the biologists were actually fleeing town under the cover of night and got caught in the worst possible intersection of time and space, dying an agonized and terror-filled death in the exact matter that comprised their worst collective nightmare.

“He died doing what he loved,” a spouse of one of the deceased said. “Running away from his problems.”

[a song starts playing] Oh, oh look at the time! That’s Carlos and the Really Tall One calling in for our first counseling session. Um, oo, probably a good time for a weather report.

[“Clockwork Family” by Dan Warren. soundcloud.com/danwarren]

Well, that was an interesting first counseling session. Carlos apologized for being so quiet recently, and I said it was OK, I was just worried about him, and the Really Tall One said we both sounded like we loved each other a lot. And I said, well yes but that’s not the point right now, the point is I want to know all of Carlos’ secrets! And Carlos said, “Cecil, if it really means that much to you, I’ll tell you. The truth is, this isn’t my first phantom ocean. Before I ever came to Night Vale, there was an incident. It happened years ago, it was a different situation, but similar enough that I got preoccupied thinking about it these last few weeks. And sometimes I just need a little space to process things on my own first. It doesn’t mean I’m hiding anything from you. I mean, I kind of am, but if it were truly serious or was directly about us, I would talk with you about it. This is just a scientific and catastrophic phenomenon, not something to do with us.” That is verbatim what Carlos said. I wrote down every exact word, like an inexperienced journalist carefully investigating a huge story.

And then I said, “Yes OK fine, but what happened? What incident?” And – he said he still didn’t really want to talk about it and I asked the Really Tall One, “Aren’t there some sort of therapy exercised we could do to encourage Carlos to reveal every detail of his past to us immediately?” And she said “No”. And I said, “Maybe hypnosis or telekinesis?” I mean, she’s new to the counseling profession and maybe isn’t aware of all the tools available to be her yet. She said we have to accept that Carlos doesn’t want to talk about it right now, and maybe doesn’t want to talk about it ever. She said a person’s secrets are their own to keep or disclose and it isn’t necessarily an indication of the degree of intimacy in a relationship.

And I said, [chuckling] “Oh, really? Tell that to my 8th grade self!” Immediately embarrassed, I doubled down and said, “I played truth or dare and revealed to my friends that I’m afraid of mirrors and that I have a crush on someone in the room.” “That’s cute!” Carlos said. “Who was there?” And I said, “I can’t tell you!” And then I said, “I can’t remember, actually.” I don’t even remember what year I was in the 8th grade, let alone how old I am or even what I look like, because of the whole mirror thing. But I didn’t want to tell Carlos all that. It was too painful and complicated and not important. And the Really Tall One who could, I’m sure, hear all of my thoughts, smiled over the phone, which I thought was smug. I’m still not sure how I feel about any of this.

I have a lot more to say here, but there’s been some breaking news updates piling up on my desk. Let’s skim through the most interesting looking ones. Yeah. In order to protect us from the growing jelly cube and its apparent power to create random phantom oceans, the City Council decided the key to the jelly-filled storage unit in Radon Canyon will be destroyed, fed to whatever aquatic beast ate the marine biologists. A new budget line item was then approved to pay monthly rent on the unit indefinitely rather than, quote, “ever open that door again”. This cost to the city will be covered by the new tax increases on rental cars, gasoline, and dreams where you realize you’re naked in public.

A memorial service was held for the remaining body parts of the members of the Marine Biology Association. It was a beautiful service, in which each body part was given recognition for its unique contribution to the whole of who each person was. Inspired by this touching memorial, as well as the silent horror finally locked away in Radon public storage, the Tourism Board has decided to abandon plans for the Harbor Waterfront expansion project. Instead, it will shift its focus to renovating the recently destroyed Old Town. Plans for new Old Town are already underway, with some blueprints taken from the children’s redesigned Old Town drawing contest, hosted by the Girl Scouts Splinter Faction. The Captain is even slated to open a fusion restaurant there later this year. Mmmm, I love non-specific fusion cuisine.

[clears throat] Members of the Tourism Board have acknowledged that a huge amount of money and effort will go into the renovations and that all of the work, time, and expanse may or may not be destroyed by a similar incident at any moment. “C’est la vie”, they were hard to utter. It’s possible they actually said, “sepa vediare”, a protection spell that makes all sand eels harbingers of good fortune. Mm, hm.

OK, I only have a few moments of airtime left, and I just wanted to say, well… You know how if you keep staring at that one spot in the ceiling, it starts to look like a face? And the harder you look, the more it takes shape, and when you can finally see it really clearly, the face never disappears and it’s always there watching you? Or, or like how Oxyclean has those commercials where they can get blood out of everything from jeans to gloves to loaves of bread, but when you actually use the product, [angrily] those stains just never go away, reminding you day after day of what you’ve done? Or, no, OK, anyway.

[calm voice] What I’m trying to say is Carlos, if you’re listening, I’m sorry I freaked out and kept pressuring you to talk. Taking space for yourself is not the same as pushing someone away. And I guess I needed a little space too to figure that out. Whatever you need, I totally respect that. I can even go hang out at the Pancake House tonight if you- if you want some alone time. OK, I just wanted to say that before… Oh. Oh, Carlos just texted. “Come home now and I will do the opposite of push you away.” Well. Maybe what I’m trying to say is, [cheerfully] I think I’ve been on the air too long, I really should be getting home like right now.

Stay tuned next for bubble wrap being popped by rolling pins meant to simulate the explosion of fireworks.

Good night, Night Vale, Good night!

Today’s proverb: Pick a company and invest all your money in it. The absolute worst that could happen is that you’ll lose every cent and it would be terrifying and life-changing, so give it a shot.

#welcome to night vale #wtnv #welcome to night vale transcripts #episode 126 #a door ajar #a door ajart part 3

113 notes · View notes