#I've spent the last like 2 hours writing this and the sun is coming up

[steddieas-shegoes]

Hi! I've spent hours reading your Steddie stuff when I honestly should have been sleeping because work and adulting. Gotta be some of my favorite writing! You have requests/prompts open? I have 2! If you like them :) 1. The Soulmate idea of people having a moving animal tattoo representing their Soulmate. Steve has hyperactive bat who loves to drape itself around his neck quite possessively. Eddie with a retriever pup or something that likes to curl up over his heart. 2. Always a sweetheart Steve? No King Steve era thing. He bugs Eddie to learn about D&D to understand his kids better qnd our poor metal gremlin melts :) I'm Soft Boi, so sorry for no angst.

I'm posting the 1st one here, but on the second one, I am gonna just give a rec instead. Last Man Standing by @griefabyss69 (GriefAbyss on AO3) is kind of this request but taking it to filth level 😈 But anyways, this idea is so fucking cool my dudes. I love a good soulmate AU, and when it's something super unique like this, I lose my shit. I definitely think someone could make a slow burn with this idea and if anyone does, please let me know! - Mickala ❤️

---------------------------------------------------------

He used to hate it.

A bat was such a menacing and disgusting creature.

Anyone who saw it would give him a look that was equal parts apologetic and concerned.

But when Steve started getting left alone at home, when he only had surface level friends, when he cried himself to sleep because the silence wasn’t enough to drown out the negative thoughts, the bat wrapped itself around his neck, and he didn’t feel so alone.

He’d started sleeping with his hand on his shoulder just to feel closer to his soulmate.

Hoped that whoever it was wouldn’t be disappointed that he was theirs.

————-

Eddie convinced himself for his entire childhood that the golden retriever tattoo that ran up and down his arms every day was some sympathy soulmate tattoo.

There was no way his soulmate was someone this hyper.

And then Wayne explained there was usually a story behind the tattoo, something more than just the personality or energy of a person.

At night, the retriever would pace across his chest, eventually settling right over his heart.

He wondered what his tattoo representation was.

He hoped it was a bat.

————-

“Dude, it’s not a big deal. Just show us!” Tommy yelled to Steve from the pool.

Steve had managed to hide it from his friends for so long.

He wasn’t ashamed necessarily, but he definitely didn’t need Tommy and Carol or any of the rest of the basketball team to see it.

The tattoo often stayed hidden pretty well during the day, usually hid on his thigh or stomach. He got away with always wearing shirts for practice and skipped post-practice showers with excuses that he had a study group to get to.

But his pool was a problem, especially now that he was at an age where everyone wanted to come over to swim when his parents weren’t around, which was often.

He tried to make excuses, said he was just worried about the sun, worried about a creepy neighbor watching.

It only worked a couple of times.

Now it was night, so no sun.

The neighbor was on vacation.

And everyone expected him to strip down and get into the pool.

So he did.

Everyone stared in silence as the bat flew from his stomach to his back and settled on his shoulder.

It seemed like it wanted to be seen, but still wasn’t sure how it wanted to be perceived.

Steve could relate.

No one commented on it, probably too afraid that one wrong word would get them kicked out of the pool permanently.

When he went to bed that night, the bat took its place around his neck, his hand rested in its place against his shoulder, and he sighed.

“I hope you’re being seen,” he whispered into his empty room.

——————-

The golden retriever was completely still for more than eight hours the same night Starcourt exploded.

Eddie tried not to panic for the first few hours, knew it could be any number of reasons the tattoo wasn’t moving.

But after hour six, he called Wayne at work, worry carrying over the line as fireworks boomed in the background.

“It’s not moving. It- you said when it stopped it meant- they can’t be, though.”

“Eds, take a few slow breaths, son. C’mon now, you’d have known if he-”

“But what if mine’s broken? What if the connection isn’t right?” Eddie tried taking breaths, but it wasn’t working.

The more he thought about it, the more likely it was that his soulmate was gone.

By the time Wayne made it home from work, the retriever had moved from his forearm to its usual place over his heart, and Eddie was fast asleep on the couch, his hand resting on top of it.

—--------------------

Being dragged into more freaky Upside Down shit was not on Steve’s to-do list. Then again, it never really was.

He wouldn’t have even bothered coming with Dustin and Max if not for the fact that Dustin was terrified something had happened to his new best friend Eddie.

He tried to hide his terrible mood, but knew he was failing.

He woke up this morning to his bat already on his leg, seemingly asleep, though it was normally still around his neck or on his shoulder when he woke up.

It hadn’t moved all morning, and he was a little worried about what that might mean.

He was also getting more worried by the day that he’d never meet his soulmate.

He knew it was dramatic, but most people he went to school with had met theirs by now, their tattoos now permanently placed in matching spots on their bodies.

“Dustin, this is so stupid,” he reiterated for the hundredth time as they walked up to the boathouse door.

He kept thinking it to himself as they poked around looking for Eddie, as he was being held against the wall with a broken bottle to his neck by Eddie, as he felt a flutter in his stomach at the way Eddie was watching him as they told him about the Upside Down.

He didn’t take the time over the next couple of days to pay much attention to his tattoo, didn’t really consider the fact that what little time he slept, he was so out of it he didn’t even notice whether the bat was on his neck or not.

Didn’t think about it until a moment in the RV alone with Eddie, when something in his brain told him to check on the bat.

“Sorry, just. Can you wait one second?” Steve interrupted Eddie’s thought as kindly as he could.

“Uh, yeah?” Eddie responded, confused.

He slipped to the back, not bothering to close the curtain that separated it from the rest of the RV.

He lifted his shirt in hopes of seeing it, but it wasn’t there.

He groaned and unbuttoned his jeans, rushing to just check and see if the bat had moved at all.

He shoved his jeans down and frowned.

It was in the same place still.

On his inner thigh on his right leg.

“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath, or what he thought was under his breath.

“Everything okay?” Eddie’s voice was much closer than he expected, making him jump and rush to pull his pants back up. “Shit, was that your tattoo?”

“Yeah. It hasn’t moved in a while.”

“Neither has mine.” Eddie moved in closer. “Actually, mine’s on my thigh too. Kinda makes it hard to check.”

“Which thigh?” Steve couldn’t help asking.

“Right.”

“What is it?”

“Golden retriever. Can’t really imagine who it would be,” he admitted.

Steve’s first and only pet had been a puppy. A golden retriever named Daisy.

She was his entire world for almost a year until she chewed on one of his dad’s expensive watches and ended up being given to a man who worked with him.

He cried for days after that, didn’t talk to his dad for weeks, not that that was difficult to do since he was gone more often than not.

He vowed that he would get another one the moment he was an adult.

That didn’t quite work out.

But his nannies all used to call him a retriever, his energy contagious in the best way, his playful demeanor a relief. As he grew up, it got dulled by his parents, expectations, society, but he knew inside, all of that was still there.

“What’s yours?” Eddie asked, shaking him out of his thoughts.

“A bat.”

Eddie tilted his head and looked at him, eyes squinting to take him in.

“A bat?”

“Yeah. He’s a playful guy, but kinda shy it seems like,” Steve’s smile was fond until it was sad. “At least until he stopped moving.”

“When did he stop moving?” Eddie ignored the fact that it was a he for now.

“I guess I noticed it the day we found you in the boathouse.”

They both stared at each other for a moment, possibly coming to similar conclusions.

“What about yours?” Steve asked quietly, though something told Eddie he already knew the answer.

“The day you found me in the boathouse.”

“I-”

“How-”

“Dingus, we gotta go!” Robin was suddenly yelling as the RV door slammed open.

They could figure this out later.

They would have to.

—-----------------------

As Steve sat by Eddie’s bedside in the hospital, he thought about how often the bat tattoo had been the only comfort he had, the only thing that kept him from being completely alone.

He thought about how Eddie had always done his best to include the people who didn’t belong anywhere else, how he’d put on a show to protect himself, but hated being seen.

Wayne watched him from the other side of the bed, silently judging him, probably trying to figure out how to kick him out.

But he couldn’t.

He felt the pull now.

Now that he’d been around Eddie, somewhat gotten to know him, how he was fearless when it came to the gremlins, was willing to give up his own life if it meant getting Dustin to safety, he could feel the tug on his heart.

It was inconvenient since they didn’t know when or really even if Eddie would wake up.

So he waited.

He waited for Wayne to kick him out. He waited for doctors and nurses to have answers. He waited for Eddie to wake up.

He waited to know if he’d be able to have his soulmate or not.

—-------------------

Eddie’s first word when he woke up was Steve’s name.

Steve let out an uncontrollable sob, curling down so his head rested in the sheets of the bed.

Wayne’s hand was on his back, his voice trying to speak to him and Eddie at the same time.

They’d gotten closer over the last few days, Wayne’s calm presence enough to keep Steve from completely losing his mind with worry.

But the pain meds in the IV drip seemed to catch back up to Eddie within minutes and he was asleep again.

“He woke up though. Your boy woke up,” Wayne said to him, holding his hand.

“Yeah. He did.”

—-------------------

When Eddie left the hospital, Steve insisted on pushing his wheelchair to Wayne’s truck himself.

The nurse agreed with little argument; The hospital was incredibly understaffed and overrun with patients from the “earthquake” and she had a million better things to do.

The walk down was mostly quiet, but not awkward.

“I think some of my tattoo is missing,” Eddie finally said, barely more than a whisper.

“From the bats?” Steve asked.

“Yeah. I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault. Doesn’t change anything.”

“No?” he asked, voice full of hope.

“Not a thing for me.”

—------------------------

They dated.

It was unconventional in every way.

Steve had never pictured himself with a man, but now he couldn’t picture himself with anyone but Eddie.

Eddie had to explain that they couldn’t just go out and hold hands like any of Steve’s other dates, they had to be careful.

It wasn’t always easy; Steve got frustrated and Eddie got insecure.

But they always ended their nights with soft kisses, with whispered words of comfort and promises.

They fell in love like that, the tattoos only the beginning of something that no one could have expected.

[maraschinomerry]

Hi! Could you please write a Lockwood x reader fic involving the prompt: You aren't well, but you don't want to skip training and make them worry, so you continue on as usual, thinking it's not that serious. But that's proven wrong when you faint right in front of them mid-fight. Mixed with the dialogue: "You hold it like this and- why are your hands trembling?" Thank you in advance! 💙

Pretty Boy

Pairings: Anthony Lockwood x gn!reader

Content: mild swearing, whump (fainting as in the prompt), mentions of not eating or sleeping, cute flirty ending

A/N: thank you for such a great request!! I've actually also just got over being not well while I was writing this (I'm fine now and wasn't this bad!) so it was weirdly cathartic 😅

Word count: 2.3k

The blissful quiet of the kitchen at 35 Portland Row was shattered by an incredibly loud, almost violent sneeze. You threw your arm across your face just in time to catch it. That was weird. You never sneezed.

"Bless you," Lockwood frowned over the top of his magazine.

That was day 1.

On day 2, you were all out on a case, in a dilapidated Victorian house. In a divide-and-conquer strategy for such a big place, Lockwood and George had headed upstairs while you and Lucy stayed on the ground floor. Fumbling around in the dim light of the dining room, Lucy threw open the curtains to let in what was left of the evening sun, accidentally unleashing a cloud of dust which shimmered in the beam of your torch. You both coughed a little in surprise.

Your coughing didn't stop for the rest of the night.

Day 3 was spent relaxing, recovering from getting home in the early hours of the morning after a gruelling fight with a pair of Type Twos. Or rather, everyone else was relaxing. You were in your room, fluctuating between wrapping your shivering form in your duvet and throwing it off so you wouldn't melt into a puddle. The bowl of soup you'd made yourself for lunch grew cold where it sat untouched on your bedside table.

A sleepless night heralded the arrival of day 4. Your symptoms had mostly abated by the evening, and you desperately hoped to claw back a few hours of rest. By dinner time, bleary-eyed, you forced yourself downstairs to try and get at least one meal of the day. Fortunately, the kitchen was empty, so at least you didn't have to explain your recent lack of presence to anyone. Unfortunately, none of the contents of the fridge were even remotely appealing right now. You settled for a slice of toast which you took back upstairs. Two bites in, you felt your stomach flip. Great. The rest went straight in the bin.

A gentle knock sounded on your door the morning of day 5, after another night of tossing and turning without ever drifting off.

"Yeah?" you called wearily.

Lockwood poked his head in, dressed in a loose Henley T-shirt and sweatpants. "Morning. Just thought I'd check you were alright, you didn't come down for training." Oh shit. You and Lockwood had been doing weekly training together for months - it started not long after you joined the agency, when he'd come down to the basement for practice and found you already there, and you'd ended up sparring. It had happened a few more times, and eventually you fell into the habit of both going down on Friday mornings so much it became an unofficial appointment.

"Oh, sorry," you swallowed a yawn. "I lost track of what day it was. Give me five minutes."

"I sort of assumed you weren't coming down dressed Iike that." He nodded to your fuzzy pyjamas with a smirk, and you tugged shyly at the hem of the top. "Have you had breakfast?"

"Yeah." That was a lie. Lockwood studied you for a moment, and you wondered if he could see right through you, but then he nodded to himself.

"Alright, see you downstairs." He began to leave, but popped back at the last second. "I'm not saying the pyjamas are a bad look, by the way, they're cute, just maybe a bit warm for fighting in." He grinned again, and disappeared. What was that supposed to mean?

—

Five minutes later, as promised, you traipsed down the basement steps in runner shorts and a tank top. This was the last thing you wanted to be doing right now, but you loved getting one-on-one time with Lockwood and knew how much it would hurt him to break the tradition and how concerned he'd be about you if he found out you'd been ill.

Lockwood gave you another puzzled look. "Are you sure you're okay?" He'd seen you this low energy before, but normally only the day after a case.

You gave the most convincing smile you could muster. "Fine. What's the plan?"

He furrowed his brows once more, before apparently deciding against whatever he was thinking. "Okay, there was a new move I figured out on the last case. I thought I could teach you and see if you think it's any good?" That last part sounded so open and vulnerable. You could imagine what he was thinking - was it a fluke? Was it him overselling his talents? Did it look ridiculous? He got like that sometimes, needed snapping out of it. Reassuring. Your smile was more genuine this time.

"Sounds good, it certainly seemed effective."

You tried your best to concentrate while Lockwood demonstrated the move, really you did, but you were running on empty and the basement was so delightfully cool. Maybe if you just lay down on the floor for a bit, you'd sort yourself out.

"Did you get that?" Lockwood's voice cut through the fog of your thoughts, and you dragged your eyes up to meet his, which were nodding to your hands. You hadn't the slightest idea what it was he expected you to have got.

"Uhh…"

To your relief, he mistook your distraction for confusion and stepped closer to help, carefully off to one side to avoid the blade as his hands rested over yours.

"You hold it like this and- why are your hands trembling?"

You barely registered the alarm in his voice, or the uncontrollable tremor that was indeed present and spreading up your arms. Nothing in your body seemed to be responding properly any more. Did you still have hold of the rapier? Why was your chest so tight, not allowing any air in? An invisible wad had trapped in your throat, and you desperately sucked in a breath through your nose. Gosh, Lockwood smelled good. Lavender and bergamot. And he was pretty, too. So pretty. Those deep dark eyes, gazing at you with so much longing. No, not longing. He didn't do that, did he? Plus, he was frowning too much for longing. Concern? You didn't like it when he frowned. You tried to pout, but your lips didn't move. That was annoying. So were the lights. Had they always been this bright? It hurt. Everything hurt. You needed to leave. Now.

Panic took hold of the last working corner of your brain and sent a jolt of electricity down to your legs which finally reacted, carrying you shakily towards the stairs. You muttered something incoherent, mouth not quite as functional. The effort drained the last dregs of energy, and your legs stopped working again.

"Whoa, whoa-" a voice behind you gasped, hasty footsteps echoing. Who was that? There was someone else down here, wasn't there? You couldn't remember. Wait. There was a pretty boy, right? He seemed nice. You tried to tell him you were okay, you wanted to. As you pitched backwards, the silhouette of the pretty boy swam into view, blocking out the harsh lights above. That was better.

Everything went black.

—

You were laying somewhere warm and soft. That was odd. And it was less bright behind your eyelids. Where were you? Hadn't you been down in the basement? With the cold floor and the cold lights… and the pretty boy? Was he still here?

You tried to call out for him, succeeding only in a groan. The surface beneath you shifted by your feet in response, and your eyelids fluttered open a fraction. There he was. Framed by the golden rays filtering through the window behind him and dappling across his dark hair.

"Hey, pretty boy," you murmured. Proper words; that was more like it. Next step: opening your eyes fully.

Ah.

The pretty boy was Lockwood, brows knitted upwards as he shuffled further up what you gradually realised was your bed.

"Hey." His voice was thick, with the hint of a shake. "How are you feeling?"

You groaned again, moving to sit up. Lockwood instantly reached out, one hand on the small of your back and the other lifting the pillows to prop up behind you. "Been better."

Under any other circumstances, you think he'd probably have laughed. As it was, he huffed out a breath and you spotted a brief tic in his jaw. "That's a mild way of putting it. You collapsed in the middle of training. I had no idea what happened, I thought…" His gaze dropped to his lap as he trailed off. The silence clenched tightly around your heart. Eventually, he spoke again, still not looking at you, voice cracking and barely above a whisper. "I was so worried about you."

The tension in your chest pressed down further, and you thought you actually heard your heart shatter.

"Hey, Lockwood, look at me." You raised a hand, still trembling but for an entirely new reason, up to cup his cheek. At last, he looked. Those beautiful dark eyes were watery, and his nose ruffled as he tried to hold back the tears. "I'm okay, see? I'm here, I'm okay, and I'm so sorry for making you worry."

A warmth spread over the back of your hand as he brought his up to meet it. His fingers curled over yours, thumb rubbing calmingly across your knuckles. Whether the calming was for you or him, you couldn't say. "But are you sure you're okay? People don't just collapse like that, and you've been out all day." Your eyes widened a little as you glanced at your alarm clock. Almost 6. Wow.

"Honestly, it's nothing serious. Kind of stupid, actually; the irony is it all happened because I didn't want you to worry." That made him chuckle. That was promising. You continued. "I was ill - I don't know if it was a cold or flu or what - but that wasn't great to begin with, and then with it ruining my ability to eat and sleep I just… didn't have anything left to give."

You don't know what reaction you expected from Lockwood: frustration, confusion, disappointment perhaps. You certainly weren't expecting him to look quite so… guilty? "Why didn't you say something when I came to find you? We could have cancelled training." It came out sharper than you were expecting. Oh. There was where the guilt came in.

"I didn't want to break the tradition."

"To hell with the tradition if this is what it does to you!"

You faltered. Was it just your current condition, or had your mouth gone very dry? "Wait, I'm sorry, I didn't mean…" You took a steadying breath. "It's not just that. I don't mean it like it's some obligation. I love our sessions! Getting to have that time just for us, having it be our thing, it's the highlight of my week. And it's been a pretty shitty week so I wanted this one thing to be nice."

The fire in Lockwood's words died out, and he almost visibly deflated. His free hand reached up unexpectedly to brush a strand of hair from your face.

"Well, I'm glad it means that much to you, but next time will you please tell me when something's wrong? I can survive missing our date more than I can survive missing you."

Hold on.

You were definitely still ill. Your cheeks felt warm and your heart was pounding against your ribcage. That was the only possible explanation. Definitely nothing to do with the fact that the boy you'd been in love with for months had just called your training sessions a date. Oh god, you'd infected him too, his face was flushed. "Date?" you breathed.

"Only if you want it to be, of course, I don't want to jump to conclusions. Although you did call me 'pretty boy' barely five minutes ago, so I'm sure even George would agree with the legitimacy of my hypothesis." Oh, how you'd missed seeing that smirk he'd grown all of a sudden.

"I'm not entirely sure you can take the high ground on this one, love, when you said even more recently how you couldn't survive without me."

"I think so long as I'm right I can. Especially since, if we're going off who said something last, you couldn't even argue without calling me love."

"I wish we were still holding rapiers, I've got a chance of beating you at that."

Lockwood laughed, all earlier emotions replaced with nothing but tender affection. "Get some sleep, and then we can test that theory." He made to leave, but where your hands were still entwined you tightened your grip a little.

"Will you stay? Please? In case I didn't make it clear enough with fainting, I haven't been doing so great at the whole sleep thing."

When he nodded, you wriggled over to one side of the bed, allowing him to slip under the covers behind you. Everything about him felt cosy, and you snuggled towards that feeling. It took him aback for a moment until he draped an arm over your stomach, gently tugging you closer so the two of you slotted together like you'd been designed to fit one another from the start. His breath tickled your ear, but its constant rhythm slowed yours in turn. Your eyelids grew heavy.

"You know," you mumbled sleepily, "you could take me on a proper date. Only if you want to, of course, wouldn't want to jump to conclusions."

He squeezed you playfully. "I think I've got enough evidence to consider it. Lunch tomorrow if you feel up to it?" You hummed a contented agreement. As your eyes drifted shut, a feather-light kiss pressed against your temple. "Good night, love."

"Good night, pretty boy."

[skywalker1dream]

part of the stuck with the stranger series

Title:Unexpected Connections

part one | part three

note: hello, how are you guys hope you are having a good day or night, my day is fantastic so far I driking my second cup of coffee exams are coming and writing those fics kind of helping me to relive my stress (even tho I have so little time for myself) so this is part 2 of stuck with the stranger and I changed many things cause I didn't liked my previous writing and add plot twist too ( I don't know if it is a good plot twist tho my friend saw it coming mile away, but maybe its because she knows me better then I know myself, okay I won't bore you even more and I hope you like it <3

Summary: Carlos Sainz and the reader's romance takes an unexpected turn when it's revealed she's the little sister of Carlos's best friend, Lando Norris. As secrets unravel, they must navigate the complexities of their relationship. Will love conquer all, or will fate intervene?

warnings: none, I guess?

The first date with Carlos was like stepping into a fairy tale. The soft glow of candlelight illuminated the intimate restaurant as you sat across from him, lost in conversation that flowed effortlessly between you.

"So, tell me something about yourself that I wouldn't learn from twitter," Carlos said, leaning forward with genuine interest.

You chuckled, feeling a warmth spread through you at his easy charm. "Well, I have a secret talent for making the world's best pancakes," you confessed with a grin.

Carlos's eyes lit up with amusement. "Really? I'll have to put your skills to the test sometime. My pancake game could use some serious improvement."

The laughter that followed was infectious, filling the air with a sense of warmth and comfort. As the evening progressed, you found yourselves diving deeper into conversation, exploring topics ranging from your favorite childhood memories to your wildest dreams for the future.

Hours passed in the blink of an eye, and before you knew it, the restaurant was closing around you. Reluctantly, you and Carlos said your goodbyes, promising to meet again soon.

........

On your second date, Carlos surprised you by taking you to a local amusement park. The sound of laughter filled the air as you rode roller coasters and indulged in cotton candy.

"This is amazing," you exclaimed, your heart racing with excitement as you clutched Carlos's hand tightly on the Ferris wheel.

"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself," Carlos replied, a smile playing on his lips as he looked at you fondly. "I've been wanting to take you here since our first date."

As the sun began to set, painting the sky in shades of pink and orange, you leaned against Carlos's shoulder, feeling a sense of contentment wash over you. In that moment, surrounded by the bright lights and joyful laughter of the amusement park, you knew that this was where you were meant to be.

The evening ended with a cozy dinner at a nearby cafe, where you and Carlos shared stories and laughed until your sides hurt. It was a night you would never forget, a perfect blend of excitement and intimacy that left you craving more.

.....

dates followed, each one more memorable than the last. From picnics in the park to late-night stargazing sessions, you and Carlos reveled in each other's company, savoring every moment you spent together.

One evening, Carlos surprised you by taking you to a quaint bookstore nestled in the heart of the city. You spent hours browsing the shelves, exchanging book recommendations and sharing snippets of your favorite passages. It was a simple yet meaningful date, one that allowed you to connect on a deeper level.

As you walked hand in hand through the quiet streets, the night air filled with the soft glow of streetlights, you couldn't help but feel a sense of gratitude for the man beside you. In Carlos, you had found not only a romantic partner but also a kindred spirit, someone who understood you in a way that no one else ever had.

.....

But amidst the blissful haze of new love, there was a looming complication, one that neither of you had anticipated. It all came to a head one week later, on a race weekend, when Lando brought you to the paddock, and Carlos's world collided with yours in an unexpected twist of fate.

As you walked through the bustling paddock beside Lando, Carlos's familiar figure came into view, his brown eyes widening in shock as he caught sight of you.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, his tone laced with confusion as he approached.

Before you could respond, Lando stepped forward, a mischievous grin playing on his lips. "Carlos, meet my little sister," he said, gesturing towards you. "She wanted to see what all the fuss was about."

Carlos froze, his expression shifting from confusion to disbelief in the span of a heartbeat. His gaze darted between you and Lando, realization dawning on him like a bolt of lightning.

"Your sister?" he repeated, his voice barely above a whisper. "But... but I had no idea... that you....."

You watched as the shock registered on Carlos's face, his features contorting with a mix of disbelief and dawning realization. It was as if the ground had shifted beneath his feet, leaving him adrift in a sea of uncertainty.

In that moment, you knew that nothing would ever be the same again. The revelation had shaken Carlos to his core, casting a shadow over the fragile bond you had built together. And as you stood there, caught between past and present, you couldn't help but wonder what the future held in store for you and Carlos.

.....

[lemmilemura]

Alright so I've had this idea for like over a month but only now am writing it!!! Somehow the Simon well hasn't completely dried out yet :D Also I know nothing about the american school system, so I'm either 1. assuming or 2. basing it off answers american friends have given

Based on the show All kept gender neutral but reader has a female reproductive system

Life started going by so fast. Your last week of classes, prom, graduation, and before you knew it, it was the last night you had with your boyfriend before he was leaving for college. You and the rest of your friendgroup was staying behind on Bayview for atleast another year, he was the only one leaving. Of course he was going far away, even with a timezone adjustment.

Neither of you could fall asleep, laying there in his now emptier bedroom. It was already close to 2am, but you were still awake. So much was going to change. Your entire daily lives. You spent almost every moment together, and now, he would be thousands of miles away.

"I can't believe I'm about to say this..." Simon suddenly started after you've both been silent for over an hour. "But I think I'm really gonna miss those two crazy lesbians." You chuckles. Maeve and Janae were both already a little off the rocker alone, but together they were fully unhinged. It was entertaining seeing their evolution, their awkward phases. You and Simon sort of felt like proud parents. You couldn't imagine how sad he must be to have to leave you all behind.

"I'm sure they're gonna miss you too." You wanted to reassure him the best you could, looking up at him and smiling. He smiled back. "You know what I'm gonna miss most?" He asked. You tilted your head. "You....r moms food oh my god it's good! Better than any restaurant I've ever been at that's for sure."

This jerk. This loveable, ridiculous jerk.

"C'mon Si! You're such a jerk." You jokingly swatted his arm and he started laughing. "I'm kidding sweetheart, I'm kidding. Of course I?m going to miss you the most..." he eached out and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. "Don't know how I'll make to without you for a year."

And truth be told, that was the last time you saw him for an antire year. All 4 of you knew this, but none of you were ready. Sure he was only one of 4 people, but him being gone still changed so much about the friendgroup. Noone to make mean sarcastic comments, noone to be a sugar daddy... noone to tell you were having his baby.

You had all mutually decided to, atleast for the first year, have as little contact as necessary. It really was a random decision. One of a couple scribbled ideas on a piece of papaer thrown into a hat and pulled from. Why you actually went with it you didn't know. You could have had daily facetimes, you could have had monthly game nights, but no. All 4 of you agreed to no contact. If only you'd known.

It was about 2 or 3 weeks after he left that you started feeling weird, sick, tired. One doctors appointment later and there you found yourself, pregnant and the father gone for atleast a year. You knew this was crazy, life altering. Yet you didn't tell him, even with Janae and Maeve saying you should. "He probably has so muc hgoing on! I don't want to throw a wrench into his plans..." you said. "It's not a wrench, it's a baby! His baby!"

You weren't fully sure why you kept it. It would have been way easier if you hadn't. Afterall, you still had your entire life ahead of you. you never imagined having a kid this young, if at all. You think it might have been the dream you had. The dream where you were in a house, a beautiful one, during a summer golden hour. You could see the sun coming in through the windows, you could hear the birds and laughter outside.

And outside, in the perfect house's perfect garden, was Simon, and a child. Your child. The child you just found out you were having. The sight was one that made you happy. So, so happy. You spent the next hour after waking up crying. Because it wasn't real? Because it could be? You didn't know, and you still don't.

So you kept it. You went through all of those months, right until the end. You had Janae and Maeve by your side, and even before it was born they were already amazing aunts, they bought it toys and clothes and even that one "Get the fuck to sleep" book. Without them, you proably wouldn't have made it. That can be said about a lot of things and situations. they were your lifeline, your anchor.

You'll never forget the moment you first saw her, your daughter. After hours and hours of pain and agony she was there. The moment you held her and saw her tiny, wrinkled face, you were sold. She was, in almost every way, a carbon copy of her father. It almost scared you. Not that you considered it, but it was then that you knew you were never giving her up to anyone. It was impossible. Your little Lucy.

Maeve and Janae basically lived with you, they helped you take care of Lucy so you weren't alone. Maeve got the hang of it a little faster than Janae but can you blame her? The amount of babies she's interacted with in her lifetime is 1, that 1 being Lucy.

~~~~~~~~~~

It's a warm, summer day when Simon finally returns home. A year since he last saw his friends, his family. He dropped his things off at home in a matter of minutes and then went straight to your house. He couldn't wait to see you again, to hug you and to tell you how much he missed you. He wonderef if you'd changed, and if how so? Did you change your appearance? Your lifestyle? Did you move on and find someone new?

He had started speed walking, almost jogging, before he realized it. He just couldn't wait anymore. He ran up the steps of your porch and rang the doorbell, waiting for it to open. Through the glass he could see Maeve, still the same as ever. She was the one who opened the door for him. "Wait, Simon? What are you doing here?" She pretty much jumped at him with glee. "Well, I wanted to come visit my 3 favorite girls." "Never ever say that again." Maeve threatened, and Simon put his hands up in defense. "J! It's Si! Can you go get (Y/N)?" Maeve yelled in teh direction of the livingroom, from which came a "Riger roger", followed by Janae walking up the stairs, cradling something in her arms.

"So how's college?" Maeve asked to make some small talk. She cared, she really did, but she moreso wanted to make time go by faster for him to see you, and to see Lucy. "C'mon, it's easy. Fuh-ck." Janae said from the stairs. He heard your laugh, that laugh he had been missing for an agonizing year. He turned and saw you, as beautiful/handsome/appealing as the day he last saw you. "Janae if you actually manage to make her first word fuck I'll give you 50 bucks."

He now saw the small thing clearly. A baby? Why was there a baby in your house? Surely you were just babysitting, right? Yea, totally. You didn't move on, you're just babysitting. Simon hardly had the time to fall into a spiral of thoughts before you pretty much launched yourself at him. He managed to steady himself so you two didn't fall over from the force. You stood there in eachothers arms for a while. "God I missed you, so, so much." You whuspered. "Missed you too, sweetheart" he responded.

When you pulled away you just looked at eachother, taking in your features. Your eyes quickly shot over to Janae, now sitting down, but still holding Lucy. Simon noticed. You noticed that he noticed. Now was the moment. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. Time to face the past year head-on. Maeve and Janae got the memo and gave Lucy back to you, leaving the two of you alone.

You sat down and didn't say anything for a while. You didn't know where to start. "Who are you babysitting for?" he asked. Good, you didn't have to start. But how to respond? "Oh I'm... I'm not babysitting..." you trailed off. He raised an eyebrow. "This..." you started, slightly turning her around so he could see her better. "is Lucy. She's... my daughter."

That moment destroyed him. You did move on, and not only did you move on, you had a child with them aswell. He was crushed. There went the one good thing he had. Goodbye future with you, goodbye happiness. He felt like everything was starting to blur and slip away, until you took his hand and looked at him. He looked at you. "She's... our daughter."

He had to do a mental double-take. Him? A father? There was no way that would go well. "Ours? When... when did this happen?" He kept looking from her to you and back again. "The night before you left, I guess. I was shocked, too."

"Why didn't you tell me... that I'm..." "A dad? I just... didn't want to tear you away from college, I guess. I mean, you're finally out of Bayview and you're immediately called back?" You explained. "Sweetheart this is different! You really should have told me!" "Oh, come on, you have your whole life infront of you, Simon! I wasn't going anywhere anyway." You tried to explain. "No, no, you really should have told me! I..." he stopped for a bit and took a breath, the look in his face changing, becoming somewhat softer. "I missed so much..."

"I wasn't here to help you. I missed her birth I..." He took another breath and wiped tears you didn't even realize were in his eyes. He grabbed your hand. "I'm a dad. You're a mom/dad/parent. We're parents. We have a daughter. I have missed way more that I ever should have. I don't care how you interject, I am switching to online classes and I'm moving back here."

"Simon-" he cut you off. "I'm serious, (Y/N). I'm not going anywhere. I don't care about college. I care about you. I care about our family." That made the wall break, the tears you had been holding back breaking free as you started crying. He pulled you in for a hug and you swore you could hear him sniffling too. "We're gonna do this. We've got eachother, and Maeve and Janae."

"IIf she does acrually teach her fuck as her first word I'll also give her 50 bucks." He joked. You pulled away and he looked at little Lucy in your arms. "Can I hold her?" "Of course" Anyone could tell he wasn't used to handling infants, but he'd be damned if he wasn't prepared to do his best.

You watched as he held her, looking over her with love in his eyes. "Hey Lucy. It's me, your dad. I know I missed a lot, but I'm not going anywhere anymore." You laid your head on his shoulder. "We really have a Lucy now..." "We do indeed" you responded.

Any time the two of you played a game where you could have children, be it Sims, Minecraft comes alive or otherwise, the fist one was always, even if you had to cheat, a little girl named Lucy. Neither of you knew exactly why Lucy, but it stuck. And now here she was.

Your litte Lucy.

ALRIGHT HERE YOU ARE I HOPE THIS WAS GOOD this ended up at 1927 words which is really great, I'm so happy that I'm still managing to write stuff!! SIMIN IS A GIRL DAD AND NOONE CAN MAKE ME THINK OTHERWISE THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT

~Taglist~ @pine-ferret

[saturnine-saturneight]

Get to Know Your Moots Writeblr Interview

@davycoquette published the template for this [here] and it looks fun, so here I go!

I'm leaving this as an open tag, also.

On the Tumblr Writing Community

How long have you had your writing Tumblr/Writeblr?

I made this Tumblr last year with the intention of joining writeblr, then just kind of didn't. I've been using this blog actively for just two months now.

What led you to create it?

I had my story and no earthly idea how to get it out there. I was also missing a community and people to talk to about writing. Two problems that this has rectified :)

What’s your favorite thing about the Writeblr community?

Hands down how friendly a lot of people are and how much we engage with each other's writing. A close second is to hear people talk about their process and watch their stories grow.

Is there anything you’d like to see more of on your dash?

Meta! Tell me your thoughts! Show me your process! Give me before and afters when you edit!

What tips/advice do you have for someone who made a Writeblr today?

Idk, do what I did? Follow a bunch of people, do open tag games, start commenting on other people's posts and tagging them in things. Engage with others, and when you find something you like, tell that to the person who made it.

WIP it Good

Which Works-in-Progress (WIPs) or writing projects are you noodling about, lately?

It's really only Reburial (FKA Twin Suns) for me. I'm focusing all my energy on that. I have an idea or two for books after that in the same universe... But one thing after the other.

How long have you been working on them?

Depends heavily on how you count. I made the characters maybe 7 years ago, give or take? (Edit: Never mind, Ron was created 9 years ago. Christ.) The drabbles that kickstarted the story are from 2018. Since then I've picked it back up and put it back in a corner multiple times.

Do you remember what inspired them/what got you started?

These are roleplay characters that were originally part of a wider social net of characters that I was playing with friends. We all had our own plots going that the characters could then talk to each other about or even get involved in.

The events of Reburial/Twin Suns started when Nat had a very ill advised situationship with a friend's character who infected them with mushrooms. It was very different and almost none of it has stayed.

How much time, in your best estimation, do you spend thinking about them?

At least an hour a day.

When someone asks the dreaded, “What do you write about,” question, what do you usually say?

I usually keep it simple and just say horror. I don't talk about my writing very much to people IRL, and 'horror' has been offputting to basically everyone I've said that to, lmao.

Let’s Rotate Blorbos

Name any characters you created.

I've been rotating Ron in my mind, with Matcha being a close second. Ron doesn't get a lot of airtime in Act 1, simply because Nat sucks all the air out of a room with their thoughts and feelings and pays almost no attention to Ron's. Although he's the deuteragonist, we only really get to know him in Act 2.

Who’s the most unhinged?

Rabbit. Her and the hinges are only vague acquaintances. I like her because she's practical to a fault about deeply strange goals, like a single silver thread connecting her to the most fucked up version of herself that she can be.

Who comes the most naturally for you to write?

I don't really struggle with any of them. I've spent months to years roleplaying almost every character in the roster. The least natural is Louis, though.

Do you ever cringe at them?

Especially in their self centeredness, Nat can be pretty out of touch. They fancy themself a lot of things that they aren't, and inflate their own ego to a point where it cannot survive contact with reality.

How much control do you feel you have over your characters?

I feel very in control, actually! I have moments of They Would Not Fucking Say That sometimes when I'm trying to get from A to B, and things do go off the rails if I'm not careful, but usually, if I bend the circumstances correctly, my characters do what I need them to do.

On Writeblr Engagement

What makes you want to follow another Writeblr account?

I'm very careful about following new people and scope blogs out thoroughly. If a blog is mostly original writing, either by the blog owner or by other people, through tag games, excerpts etc, I like the writing style, and the WIPs sound cool, then I'm likely to follow. Bonus points if someone leaves a lot of nice tags or comments.

What makes you decide against following?

In no particular order: when a blog has a lot of writing un-related reblogs aka when it's mixed use and not exclusively a writeblr, when it's mostly memes about Not writing, and when the WIPs don't sound like something I'd like to read.

I really don't care for the majority of fantasy, y'all, sorry :( I follow one or two blogs who write it, and write it really well, but if it's sprawling epic fantasy, good against evil, chosen one, holy war type of stuff, it's just not my jam. I have sat through way too much Game of Thrones against my will.

[fantasticcloudcreation]

Sep 21

Holy moly what a fucking DAY!

- slept in the brewery parking lot last night, mostly chill except for some random car that came into the lot at 2am, sketched me out but they left and didn't come back, slept alright otherwise. Had some weird dreams I think but I can't remember them now.

- started out with cool weather and then quickly got hot; left side of my body is a lil sunburnt from the car window lol but it's like a balance between covering up to block the sun vs overheating bc I'm covered up. Gotta get my AC fixed... Phone was overheating so I had to hold it up to get airflow pretty much the whole way haha.

- spent like 2 hours just zoning out having a conversation with myself in Spanish lol realized I need to learn more vocab and brush up on conjugations but for the most part I remember a lot and could probably hold a conversation with a real person if they're patient about it 😂 some nice fall leaves/scenery along the drive, otherwise I kinda zoned out for most of it. Wished I had left earlier so I could be meandering around the backroads instead of the highway, maybe next time.

- oh also my vape ran out of juice yesterday so I stopped at a vape store at one point? Telling myself that this is the last one and I'm not gonna get another one... We'll see 🙃

- around 4pm stopped at a rest area to start browsing for campsites, phone died, wouldn't charge and wouldn't turn on again; drove a bit down the highway, saw a sign for a visitor center (some random cemetery, idek?) asked the lady if she could look up directions to the nearest Verizon store but she was old and was like, "i don't know??" But she looked it up, tried to describe it, I'm like girl if you just look at Google maps I can write it down... But didn't want to be rude about it lol but she's like, it's near the Casey Jones village, just take that exit and go north, it's near target... So I drove like 30 minutes down the highway, van doesn't do regular radio apparently so I normally use Spotify but obviously couldn't with my phone dead, so I'm just singing the grateful dead Casey Jones song to myself the whole way lol. Followed her directions, found the place pretty easily.

- spent 2.5 hours in the Verizon store getting a new phone, which I was planning to do soon anyway since I've had this one since 2018 and it was my exbf's before he got a new one and gave me this one; wasn't planning on doing it in the middle of this road trip and didn't think it was gonna take so long lmfao but whatever. Verizon guy was really nice, we chatted the whole time, he was definitely into me but was very polite about it. Awkwardly gave me his number when I was leaving, it was very sweet and nice :) idk if I'll ever see him again but I texted to say thanks for helping, always good to know nice helpful people in various locations around the country haha

- at this point it's 7pm, all the nearby campgrounds are closed so I can't call the office and the website won't let me book anything for tonight online; so guess where I ended up??? Fucking cracker barrel again! Can't seem to avoid it haha. But, grateful that it's always there as a nice friendly backup plan :) actually went inside and had dinner this time, I always get the option where it's like a plate of four side dishes, I got steamed broccoli, a baked sweet potato (not loaded, just butter), mac & cheese, fried apples, and it came with corn bread. Only ate the broccoli and half of the sweet potato, half of a piece of cornbread, tried some bites of mac and cheese and the apples but was pretty full at that point and wasn't feeling it. Also a bud light & a glass of water. Before that, all I had eaten today was a granola bar and a bag of Doritos and 2 Celsius green teas lmfao I was feeling shaky so dinner was the right decision.

- now it's 10pm, I'm fucking Tired. It's hot in the van and I kinda have to pee but I'm ignoring it. Gotta drive further tomorrow than I was planning but there's a nice looking park like halfway from here to where I'm going so I'll try to stop there and get one more night of nature camping before being in the city for a month; would've been nice to be in a park tonight too but c'est la vie! Gonna have to drive more on Monday than I wanted to but it is what it is, glad I gave myself at least a little bit of buffer time to get there, would've sucked to have to call the boss and tell him I can't make it to the first day... So it's working out, never as planned but always in unexpected ways :) for example, if I had left earlier and was meandering around the backroads, it would've been a lot harder to find a Verizon store without a GPS lol. Things work out!!

- grateful that I have money saved up for things like this and it wasn't that stressful to dump a bunch of money on a new phone. Grateful for the nice lady at the visitor center and that the store was easy to find and the guy in there was friendly. Grateful that there's cracker barrels all over the country and they let you sleep in their parking lots. Grateful that Google makes it easy to transfer all your data from one phone to another, I just had to sign into my account and everything is exactly the same as my old phone, all my photos and messages are still there, just with some cool extra features that I get to play around with now (the new camera??? Omg so excited.) Grateful that I still have an extra day to get there and I don't need to drive 12 hours tomorrow and I can have one more night of camping before hoteling in the city for a month. Grateful that I have some camping neighbors in this parking lot tonight and they seem chill, I can see one guy in the RV nearby watching a movie with the window open lol, last night I was alone which always makes me jumpy. Grateful that I'm about to go make like $4k at the next gig and the phone expense is just a drop in the bucket. Grateful that gas is so cheap rn, I've spent like half of what it cost the last time I did this drive. Grateful that I have such a cool job and I get to drive all around the country and do fun exciting work when I get there!!!!! Verizon man said he's barely ever left Tennessee in his whole life and hasn't taken a vacation in years ?? Grateful that I have the opportunity to pursue this silly lifestyle and that there's always nice people around helping me work out silly situations like this.

- like, god damn, life is so fucking good.

- what's the best way to give back to the world??? How do I thank all these nice people that have helped me with my silly situations? How do I pay it forward?? Like yeah I help create music festivals which is a magical experience for a lot of people but only if you have money to attend, take days off work, travel etc. What can I do for people like Verizon man, or that nice guy at Firestone 2 years ago who had never left Arkansas? Idk. I'll keep pondering. I need to make that a priority though, figuring out how to give back to the world and to all the random people who've contributed to my life. I wouldn't have made it even half this far on my journey without the kindness of random strangers.

- anyway, if you read this entire thing, I love you, thanks for being here ❤️ Like this post if you want bc I'm convinced nobody reads anything I write on here hahaha

[rose-m4ry]

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ September 2. 2024.

"Cause when a dog eats dog, it's a serious thing! For a material girl with immaterial swing."

Done ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ꕥ

♥︎ Filipino: summarized two folk tales

♥︎ Other: Read Chapter 4-6 of The Setting Sun by Osamu Dazai

I hadn't finished much, if anything at all today, but I did work on my Filipino notes for about 2 hours, so despite not having crossed anything off my list, I consider today well-spent. I felt good and I'm just trying to move along and work with time instead of against it. I'm probably overestimating myself and setting my goals too high, which is what's leading to my constant disappointment.

With the suspension of classes, I have more time to catch up and finish my notes. I took a different approach and started from the hardest thing to summarize from the list of folk epics, since I figured that doing it when my brain was most active and awake would help me tackle it better. It felt much easier to go through it first rather than the other way around, so I'll be doing that a lot more often.

Contrary to my last update about trying out illustrations on the side of my note-taking, I couldn't find the opportunity for it since I'm very space efficient with my notes. It feels wrong not to use the available space for the text, but who knows, maybe I'll find it in myself to do soon. There's also the aspect of not knowing how to do it in the first place, so maybe in my free time, I could figure it out? :]

I know I talk a lot about studying and school work on this blog, but I barely speak of the things I've learned— which I feel like should be important, especially if I'm proving that I really do care and haven't just been mindlessly writing it all down. It's unnatural for me to speak in-depth about personal things at all, but if I end up being uncomfortable, then I'll just private this and never do it again.

The current things I'm learning from my Filipino subject are on the various "Awiting-Bayan," which are Filipino folk talkes. A good portion of them weren't properly recorded due to Spanish colonialism, being replaced with Spanish literature in an attempt to prevent the natives from developing their own literature, and in turn, independence. Things like this are what reminds me of how important literature is for revolution.

It's relevant with what I've been hearing lately about parents pulling their children out of school, isolating them and having full control over their education in fear that they'll develop critical thinking and go against them. Depriving someone (or a group) of knowledge makes it easier to manipulate and condition them, which is fucking terrifying in the context of what I'm seeing today.

It's getting late, so if the rest of this entry is incomprehensible or choppy, then I'm sorry lol.

Some other things I've wanted to mention are how folk tales can reveal certain things about the time period, culture and area from which they've emerged from. The ones inside my Filipino textbook are confusing so I tried to find out if there's any more explanations on other sites, but have only come up with more questions and confusion!!!

I am very curious as to what inspired these stories, particularly a Bisayan folk tale I've found most vexing (Buod ni Labaw Donggon) because the story came off as chaotic, and the moral was much harder for me to figure out than the rest. I have a feeling that the author of the textbook had also begun to lose the idea of the plot as well due to the questions becoming increasingly simplistic. (Example: What was the role of X character?)

There was another folk tale that was a bit more vague, but I enjoyed nonetheless, and it's "Buod ng biag ni Lam-ang" which is an Ilocano story about a man who avenges his father's death. The ending where he bathed in the river and killed all the fishes from the sheer amount of blood that resulted from his battles was chefs kiss. He ends up destroying a mountain and the house of the girl he'd been in love with with his magical dog and rooster, and yes, he does rebuild the house with the magical rooster, but I feel like it's such a cool story on how Lam-ang then switched to using destruction for everything after spending his whole life avenging his father's death.

But aside from the stories in my textbook, I read an interesting article a while back on Tricksters in Philippine mythology being a product from the fantasy of overcoming colonial rule through wit. I feel like that perfectly encapsulates the idea of how mythologies- and generally, stories, relate to their time periods and contexts. I hadn't fully read the article as it was paywalled (if I remember correctly) but it was such an interesting thing to think about.

There is also the matter of folk tales being written and told before the emergence of Science as a way to explain the mystery of the surrounding world, and this is something I've heard of in Greek Mythology and certain myths about celestial bodies and islands.

I think it's a massive fucking bummer that most Filipino folk tales weren't properly documented, I always get frustrated thinking about how little there is on pre-colonial Philippines due to erasure so that is something I'd like to research when I have the opportunity.

I wanted to talk more about The Setting Sun, but it's getting extremely late so that'll have to come in the next entry. I'm not sure if it's just me but I have a tendency to type and yap for too long, this entry took me over an hour to finish? Wild. Well, that's about it. I'll yap again tomorrow.

[faefictions]

Spilt Kernels

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Prompt: “Don’t make me fall in love again.”

Summary: Peter breaks up with the reader to protect her from his secret life, breaking both of their hearts in the process.

Warnings: Angst

Word Count: 1,989

The first day he saw her was the first day of his Freshman year of high school. She sat in the back of the class, where most of the people Peter dreaded seeing sat, but she was different. He just caught a glance of her that first day, but he would never forget it. He instantly fell for her. It took him exactly 73 days to talk to her, he had counted. Their teacher had paired them up for a reading assignment. They were both shy, so they sat in silence for the first ten minutes of the assignment. The girl was wearing a Star Wars shirt, so Peter decided to compliment her on it. It took him another 2 minutes to psych himself up enough to get out an “I like you shirt”. Her face turned bright red as she quietly thanked him. They read their assigned chapter next to each other in silence, and filled out the correlating worksheet alone. When the bell rang Peter blurted out an apology. “Sorry I’m so shy. I hope you did well on the worksheet.” The girl smiled and showed him her finished work. “Piece of cake,” she replied with a smile, before grabbing her backpack and turning in the worksheet on their teacher’s desk. Peter hadn’t even finished half of the sheet. He was too distracted by the beautiful girl that was sitting next to him the entire period. The girls name was y/n and she had captured Peter’s heart entirely. Peter and y/n became best friends. They would have movie marathons with Ned on weekends and would all discuss the nerdiest of topics for hours on end. The three of them got close during their Freshman year and became inseparable. Over the summer, Peter started to grow distant from them. He would still text and they would see him occasionally, but it started to take a toll on the groups friendship. After y/n got a job, they all stopped seeing each other for the summer. When they came back for Sophomore year, y/n heard from Ned that Peter had gotten an internship with Stark Industries. She was impressed but a little disappointed that she didn’t hear it from him. When she confronted him about it, he apologized for not telling her. “I just wasn’t treating it like a big deal. I was worried we weren’t friends anymore though. We didn’t talk all summer. I kinda thought you didn’t want to talk to me anymore,” he had said, blushing and rubbing the back of his neck. He looked at the floor and wouldn’t make eye contact with y/n. If he had looked up, he would’ve seen a shocked face. “Peter, of course we’re still friends. You just dropped of the face of the earth and I got busy with my job. That doesn’t mean I don’t still love you… and Ned.” She was blushing now. Peters face turned a brighter shade after hearing her utter the word “love” in reference to him. “Well I have to get to chemistry. I’ll catch you later Parker,” she said before rushing in the opposite direction. Her face burned red for another half hour. She had just accidentally admitted she loved her best friend. That wasn’t a word she used lightly and Peter knew that. She had hoped that by throwing Ned’s name in there that he would be thrown off. Weeks later Peter and y/n were in Peter’s apartment. Aunt May was out of town for the week and the three friends were going to have a movie marathon and sleepover. Ned was taking forever to get there though so the two of them sat on Peter’s couch flipping through channels. Y/n was laying with her feet next to Peter and her head on the head rest opposite from him. She had a bowl of popcorn on her stomach and was throwing it in her own mouth, piece by piece. She was missing more that not, but boredom was getting the best of her. Little did she know that Peter was a nervous wreck sitting right next to her. He had asked Ned to show up an hour late so he could talk to y/n. “I swear to God, if you chicken out I am going to tell her,” Ned had said when Peter had told him his plan. He sat next to her, pressing the button on the remote over and over again, not really watching the t.v., it was more of a nervous habit at this point. The second he stopped pressing that button, he had to start talking. He took a deep breath and put the remote on the arm rest. “Hey y/n?” he whispered. He could take down criminals, but he couldn’t ask his best friend a simple question. “Hmm,” she hummed, too distracted by her game with the popcorn kernels to properly respond. He chuckled at her, which made his heart beat a little slower. She had a calming effect on him, and he had the same one on her. “I need to talk to you,” he said, a little louder. “Shoot, Parker,” she replied, still fixated on the kernels she was throwing in the air, moving her head from side to side trying to catch them. Peter looked straight ahead, if he looked at her again, he would laugh and lose focus. “So I’ve been thinking about this for a while, like a long time actually. Like basically since we met. And I don’t want to weird you out or anything so please just answer truthfully and don’t feel any pressure please,” he began. He looked back at the girl next to him and smiled before closing his eyes and taking another deep breath. “Y/n, would you maybe consider being my girlfriend,” he rushed out. He had practiced it in the mirror for an hour before she had arrived, but he still didn’t feel like he had gotten it right. He heard a sudden cough and a crash next to him and opened his eyes to see the popcorn bowl on the ground, kernels spilt everywhere. Y/n was sitting up choking on the last piece she had succsefuly caught right as Peter had asked his question. He moved closer to her and hit her back a few times, trying his best to help her, although his heart was still beating faster than it had ever before. The piece had dislodged from y/n’s throat and she took a deep breath. She looked straight into Peter’s eyes and smiled. She quickly fell onto him, simultaneously embracing him and wrapping her entire upper body around him. “Of course Peter,” she replied, hiding her blushing face in his chest. He instantly hugged her back, a grin spreading over his face as his heart started to slow again. That was when Ned walked in. He saw the two hugging and started to smile just as big as they were. “I TOLD YOU PETER,” he exclaimed, before rushing over to them and joining the hug, happier than ever for his two best friends. Peter and y/n dated for 2 months before he could work up the courage to kiss her. Ned was home sick, so they were outside alone for lunch that day. Y/n had finished her apple, the last thing on her tray, when she noticed that Peter hadn’t touched anything on his tray next to hers. “You feeling alright Parker? I swear to God if you’re sick too, I am putting you in quarantine and sitting on the other end of this table,” she had joked. He was focused on the table in front of him and he didn’t seem to hear her. She waved her hand in front of her face and repeated his name before he looked at her. He looked deep into her eyes, then down at her mouth, before he gently supper her face and pulled their faces closer to each other before their lips met. When they pulled away a few seconds later, they were both smiling and blushing like crazy. That was both of their first kisses. A few months later things changed. Peter stopped texting as often. He seemed spaced during school, and he stopped hanging around Ned and y/n as much. It was just like the summer prior, but y/n had a bad feeling about it this time. He hadn’t asked to see her in a couple weeks when she decided to confront him. She went over to his house one night. She knew that May always had dinner on the table at 6:30, so she went over at 6. She knew he would be home and she also wouldn’t piss May off by showing up during dinner. When Peter answered the door, his confused expression just fueled y/n’s rage even more. “What are you doing here? Is everything ok?” he asked, a little panicked. It wasn’t like her to show up unannounced. “We need to talk,” She replied without meeting his gaze. He pulled her into the apartment and told May that they would be in his room. He left the door cracked so they could have some privacy, but May would burst in if he closed it. “What’s up?” he asked, moving closer the girl sitting on his bed. She had her hands in her lap and her gaze hadn’t raised from the floor. “What’s going on with you Peter? You haven’t texted me all week. You’ve barely said a word to me at school. You haven’t spent any time with me either. So what is it? Am I doing something wrong? Is there something I need to know?” she rambled, doing her best to hold back her tears. He sighed as he sat next to her. He had been dreading this for weeks but he knew what he had to do. Someone was after him, or rather his alter ego, and if anyone found out about her she would be in danger. As much as he loved her, if that love meant putting her in danger, he couldn’t allow himself to put her in that situation. “I just didn’t know how to say this,” he started. And that was when her first tear fell, but she did her best to keep quiet. “I think it’s time we break up.” he finished. He always rambled when he was nervous, but this was different. He couldn’t let any of his emotions fall out of his mouth. He couldn’t let her know his reasons. So he did his best to keep it short. “Why?” she choked out. He couldn’t stand to hear her upset, and he couldn’t bring himself to look at her. “I can’t explain it, I just don’t think we should be together,” he replied, his eyes fixated on the floor. Y/n jumped up from the bed and rushed to the door on the other side of the room, but Peter caught her arm before she could leave. “I’m sorry. I don’t want hurt you ba… y/n,” he said, almost calling her baby. “I’m still here for you. We can still do movie marathons and have our daily lunch rants. I still care…” “No,” she quietly cut him off, but her voice was harsh. She jerked her arm away from him as she met his pleading eyes. “Don’t make me fall in love again,” she pleaded, taking a step towards the door. “Y-you love me?” he asked, his voice breaking as a tear threatened to fall. “Loved,” she replied. He hand was on the door knob and before he could reply she was out of the door and out of the apartment.

A/N:This is my first post and my first fic on Tumblr! Please let me know if you like it. My requests are open if you would like me to write anything for you :) 

[epiphany-of-a-madwoman]

The Moment I Knew | Remus Lupin

Part 1 | Part 2

▹ Pairing: Remus Lupin x Slytherin!Reader

▹ Genre: Angst

▹ Words: ~6.5K

▹ Summary: Remus kept you like a secret but you kept him like an oath.

▹ Warning: Remus being a bad boyfriend

▹ Note: No one asked for this, and I have a million other things to write, but I've fallen down the Marauders rabbit hole. Let me know if you'd like to be tagged in my future works and send any requests you might have! :)

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

Crimson was never as welcoming as when he wore his Gryffindor robes.

It clashed with the green you wore, generations of prejudice creating an ocean that separated the two of you. The tides were harsh, too treacherous to ever try and cross.

But that didn’t stop you from trying, and damn it did you try. You’d spend hours creating a raft made from whatever scrap material you could find. Mesmerized by golden eyes and tentative smiles that could make flowers bloom in the dead of winter. Entranced by warm hugs and symphonic laughter, you arduously worked. After weeks, you'd have something to show for all the time spent, starting the journey of sailing the ocean. And it wouldn’t be until you were halfway across, surrounded by a tsunami of waves threatening to drown you, you’d notice thousands of small holes in the raft. And you were powerless to stop it as it sank to the seafloor.

Terrified by perilous waters as it filled your lungs, you swam back to shore, to the safety of everything you’d known. Desperate to ignore the pit in your stomach and the knowledge that you’d be haunted by those same eyes for a lifetime.

But none of that mattered. Not when he was beside you, hair wildly blowing in the wind. The roof of his dad's car was down, allowing the both of you to bathe in the remnants of the summer sun. Autumn was fast approaching, school looming over your heads like a shadow. School meant going back to longing stares and stolen glances. No more freedom that came with being outside the confines of school.

The only times you weren't a Slytherin and he wasn't a Gryffindor. You were simply Y/N and he was Remus. Two teenagers too in love to notice the monsters creeping along the corner of their vision. Too wrapped up in the moment to see the ending before anything could fully begin. It was fragile, the line their relationship balanced on, and it was only a matter of time before it broke.

But you paid it no mind, deluding yourself with visions of grandeur and unending bliss. Getting swept away by the wind in your hair and the smile on Remus' face.

Music from the radio blew away with the wind, not a word heard over the racing of your heart. You looked at him from the passenger seat, your grin matching his. He gripped the steering wheel, not a single nervous bone in his body, despite the rapid speed they were going. His sweet disposition and your wide eyed-gaze were the perfect duo as the two of you got lost on the winding road.

Emerald leaves that were quickly turning fell from the towering trees, littering the otherwise empty road. It was picturesque, the moment too beautiful to actually be real. But it was.

You never wanted it to end. And you fell further and further into delusion as you pretended it could last forever.

OoO

Stolen stares in the corridor, fleeting smiles and delicate brushing against skin. It seemed that was all you ever got from Remus nowadays. Summer had come and gone, Hogwarts reopening its doors for another year of learning. Gone were the days of summer with Remus, being replaced with clandestine meetings in empty classrooms and corner closets. The endless nights you'd spent enraptured by one another became strained smiles and longing stares.

But no matter how pathetic it seemed, you longed for those moments. Because you'd rather have a small piece of Remus than nothing at all. Which led you to this very moment in the Great Hall, one random Tuesday morning.

The parchment beneath your fingers was rough as you stared at the ink staining the paper. As if to somehow engrain the writing in your memory forever. The penmanship was neat and small, perfectly legible to any eyes that may read it. Every T crossed, every I dotted.

“Astronomy Tower, midnight?”

A giddy feeling overcame your system that was still lethargic from sleep. But it mingled with a sense of hopelessness. You loved Remus, happily taking every piece he gave you. But your pride was screaming, the part of you that wanted more and more of him growing stronger with every day that passed.

You wanted to shout from the rooftops the way he made you feel. To walk around Hogwarts hand-in-hand, to proudly show off the man that made everything in your life just a little bit lighter. You wanted to get scolded by teachers for PDA, to gently kiss him as you parted to go to your separate classes. But fate didn't deem you so lucky as to get what you wanted.

A sigh left your mouth, tense posture immediately melting away, giving up on the fight before it could fully begin. Just like always.

You looked up, glancing at the table directly across from the Slytherin table. Remus wasn’t paying you any mind, acting as if he hadn't just sent you a letter. He was simply laughing alongside Sirius Black at something James Potter said, seemingly not a care in the world. His eyes were brighter than the sun with a laugh sweeter than any song. He smacked Peter Pettigrew on the back, pausing in his laughter to lean forward and mutter a witty line, mischief bright in his eyes.

Whatever was said sent the group into another bout of roaring laughter that nearly shook the table. He threw his head back as his body shuddered, eyes shut with a wide smile permanently etched on his face. Subconsciously, a smile formed on your face as you continued to stare, a fuzzy feeling filling your stomach.

You continued to watch, hopeful his eyes would catch yours. They never did. Instead, he continued laughing with his friends, treating you as if you didn’t exist. Because in public, you didn't. While in the confines of school, surrounded by his friends, your summer escapades never happened. And that was something you'd learned to accept - at least you thought you had.

Your grip tightened on the paper as it crumpled, the edges fraying and slightly tearing. He had you in the palm of his hand, knowing you’d let him ruin you a million different times. And that realization didn't bother you as much as it should've.

Finally, after what felt like years, but was really only five minutes, Remus’ eyes met yours, briefly. But the simple look was enough to set your heart racing. His left eye lowered into a wink, eyes quickly moving back to James Potter, who was sitting directly across from him and talking wildly with his hands. Remus leaned forward, grabbing something off his plate and tossing it at James. This sent the group of boys into another bout of boisterous banter that you couldn't help but wish to be a part of.

“You there, Y/N?” your friends asked, nudging your side. You dropped the piece of toast in your hand, tearing your gaze away from Remus to meet her curious stare.

“Yeah, sorry, zoned out for a bit,” you said. She smirked, a whisper of a laugh leaving her mouth as she took a drink from her cup.

“The day you can focus on anything for longer than five seconds will be a miracle,” she said, shaking her head with a playful grin on her face. You mimicked the expression, hoping to hide the way your attention wanted to dart back to Remus.

“Anything can happen,” you said, pushing your plate away from you, the food on it long since grown cold.

“So, the girls and I are thinking about staying up tonight and ya know, do some self-care and gossip in Violet’s dorm since her roommates will be elsewhere tonight. You in?” she asked, a sly grin on her face. You began to absentmindedly nod your head, only stopping when her words finally sunk in.

“Oh I actually can’t tonight,” you said, shaking your head, thoughts sliding back to the note now crumpled in your pocket. You grabbed a hold of your goblet, bringing it to your lips as you tried to think of an excuse.

“Oh, why?” she asked, cocking her head to the side, sharp eyes watching you.

“Studying,” you said, expertly avoiding her gaze.

“Past curfew?” she said, placing an elbow on the table and resting her chin on the palm of her hand. "And outside of the Slytherin dorms?"

“Mm-hm,” you said, taking another drink of your pumpkin juice. You set down the goblet and wiped away any stray droplets that landed on your lips, turning to meet her gaze. “I really need to do well on this potions test, plus the Astronomy Tower is the perfect place to study.”

Your friend raised a sharp brow.

“The potions test was last week,” she said.

“Did I say potions, I meant Defense Against the Dark Arts,” you exclaimed, nervous laughter escaping your mouth. She slowly nodded, the expression on her face clearly painting the picture that she didn’t believe you. Yet she left it alone. You were constantly disappearing at odd hours of the day, and she knew whenever you were ready you’d tell her.

“Whatever, hurry up and eat. We have potions soon,” she said, lightly smacking your arm and pushing the plate back to you.

“Yes ma’am,” you said, taking a small bite from a piece of bacon. Like under a spell, your eyes wandered back to the Gryffindor table, but the place he once sat was vacant now. Instead, you stared at the empty space, tracing and retracting where his outline used to be.

OoO

Autumn came and yet, the first fall of snow blanketing the frozen ground. You were mesmerized by how it glistened as it fell. The tiny snowflakes like stars falling from the sky.

The cold air cooled your warm skin, hair blowing in the wind as you leaned against the edge of the metal bars barricading you from free-falling to the ground. Your heart was racing, cheeks permanently flushed ever since Remus sent you another letter. The seconds that passed were agonizing as you eagerly awaited his arrival.

It'd been weeks since you’d been able to steal more than a few seconds with him. He was always busy the further into the school year it got, getting dragged in a million different directions by his friends and school.

Footsteps tapped against the stone stairs, taking each step two at a time. You turned, hair a curtain that framed your face, head in the clouds as your eyes met Remus’. His lanky form was slightly slouched as he cleared the last step to the top of the tower. An easy smile rested on his lips, eyes glowing under the stars. Within seconds he crossed the distance separating the two of you, his arms wrapping around your waist and pulling you into him.

“Sorry I’m late, love. Prongs wouldn’t shut up,” he said, placing a delicate kiss on the top of your head.

“It’s okay, I wasn’t here long,” you said, voice slightly muffled by his sweater.

A lie.

It was nearing 1 am, you’d shown up at midnight on the dot, but you’d never tell Remus that. Because that was how these meetings always went. You'd be painfully punctual, whilst Remus would stroll in whenever he wanted, despite being the one to set the time.

“Good. Don’t wanna keep my girl waiting,” he said, holding you tighter. You went limp against him, every single bone in your body turning to mush. Against his chest, you smiled, breathing in through your nose, memorizing the smell of him. Cedar, honey, jasmine, and the faint smell of chocolate from the bar he always kept in his pocket.

It was burned into your brain, his smile and golden eyes entering your mind every time the hint of one of those scents entered your nose. And you were filled with the urge to bottle it up, make it into a candle that way you could feel like he was there with you. Even if he was miles away.

“Come’on, let’s watch the stars,” he whispered, lifting his head from atop yours. With a hand on the small of your back, he gently guided you to the railing of the balcony. He leaned forward against the rails but kept one hand around your waist. You mimicked him but traced the scars on his face with your eyes rather than staring at the stars. He was angelic, bathed in the soft glow of the moon and stars. With every breathe you took, you fell further and further under his enthralling spell.

“How was your day?” you asked, eager to get lost in the way his voice sounded, to get enraptured with how animatedly he talked. His eyes met yours, a grin stretching onto his face.

“It was good,” he said. “Executed a prank with the boys,” he said, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes that lit up the dark. He bit his lip to try and contain the childish giddy smile that was overtaking his face.

“Does this prank happen to be flooding the dungeons?” you asked. But despite the sardonic tone in your voice, you couldn't hide the hint of levity in it.

“Well when you say it like that, it sounds horrible,” Remus exclaimed, a playful grin resting on his face. “Flood sounds so dangerous.”

“And how else should I say it then?” you asked. “My shoes were filled with water. I had to walk around in wet socks almost the entire day! And when they’d finally dry, they’d get wet all over again because I'd have to go back down to the dungeons!”

“While your socks have my condolences, I don’t think you fully appreciated the gift we gave you Slytherins,” Remus said.

“And what gift is that?”

“Your own personal slip-and-slide,” Remus said, the cutest grin forming on his lips. His eyes were bright, looking at you as if you put up the stars in the sky. You chuckled, soft and airy, leaning closer to his body. The heat he radiated was soothing, staving away the bitter cold air.

“Why didn’t I think of it that way,” you said, playfully smacking his chest. “You’ve changed my whole perspective.” You rolled your eyes, the smile on your face taking a chagrin appearance.

“See! What would you do without me?” Remus said.

“I’d have dry socks,” you said in a deadpan voice. He threw his head back in laughter, eyes shut as his body shook against yours. It made the grin on your face widen and lose the sour tinge as you watched, imprinting the sound of his laugh to your brain. After a few moments, he grew silent, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

“Good point. What about you, did you have a good day?” he asked “Besides the wet socks, of course,” he added as an afterthought.

“It was alright,” you said, counting just how many flecks of amber there were in his deep brown eyes. “I just--” You cut yourself off, not wanting to finish the sentence. You didn’t want to ruin the fun you were having, not when it just started.

Remus furrowed his brows, cocking his head slightly to the right. And you almost lost your nerve, terrified of what he may say. But you pushed through it.

'You're not a coward, Y/N.' you thought to yourself.

“What?” he asked.

The small bit of nerve you'd built fell apart.

You shook your head, hair whipping around and covering the majority of your face. “It’s nothing.”

“Tell me,” Remus said, placing a hand on your cheek, forcing your eyes to meet his.

“It’s stupid,” you muttered, cheeks flushed with embarrassment. Remus chuckled, light and airy, moving his hand from your cheek to carefully brush your hair behind your ears.

“You could never say something stupid, love.”

The rate of your heart increased, warmth filling every single corner and crevice of your body as you memorized the soft look in his eyes. It convinced you this would last forever, that you and Remus - whatever you were - weren't just a ticking time bomb.

“It’s just -- I missed you these past few days,” you said, gently biting your bottom lip. His smile widened and he leaned down, placing a sweet kiss on your lips.

“I missed you too, dear. Things have just been--”

“Crazy I know,” you said. He nodded his head in agreement, an apologetic grin on his face.

“Yeah crazy, but winter break is near. We’ll be able to spend so much time together,” he said, placing a ghost of a kiss on the corner of your lips.

“Or we could just tell everyone?” you said in a quiet voice, holding your breath in anticipation, unable to stop the words as they fell from your mouth. He paused, pulling away from you just a fraction.

“What do you mean?” he asked, but he already knew the answer. It was written all over your face.

“I mean, what if we just, openly dated, didn’t keep it a secret anymore,” you said, a hint of pleading hidden in your quiet voice. He sighed, running a hand across his face. He took another step away from you, turning to face the railing overlooking the grounds of Hogwarts.

You looked away, staring at the ground and desperately hoping it would swallow you whole. Your heart stopped, a heavy pit forming in the depths of your stomach. Unshed tears pricked the corners of your eyes, desperate to break through the dam, but you held them in. You didn’t want to cry, not right now, not in front of Remus.

“We’ve been over this love,” Remus finally said, after a few moments of agonizing quiet.

“I know, I know, but I just. I don’t wanna keep this a secret anymore,” you said, forcing a small grin on your face. You slowly walked towards him, taking your place right beside him. He didn’t move his eyes from the sky.

“I just don't think it’s a good idea. You know how the boys will react,” Remus said, hesitation dragging his words down. You rolled your eyes, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“I can handle them just fine,” you said. James Potter and Sirius Black were all bark and no bite, you could handle that with a few sharp words, and Peter Pettigrew would just follow their leads.

“You shouldn’t have to. Which is why we agreed to keep this quiet, remember?” Remus said, turning his body, eyes meeting yours.

“I know--”

“Then why are we having this conversation?” Remus interrupted, a look of exasperation crossing his face. It stopped the sentence on the tip of your tongue, mouth firmly shut. You simply stared at him, eyes wide and unblinking, searching for anything that would disprove the fears in your head.

There was no such thing.

“Because you’re treating me like a dirty secret,” you said. He scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“You’re being dramatic,” he said. “I don’t treat you like that.”

“Then why won’t you tell anyone we’re together?” you asked, crossing your arms over your chest, a glare made of steel resting on Remus.

“Because, I don’t see why everyone has to know our business,” he exclaimed, defensively raising his hands, voice going up an octave. “I’m a private person. You know this Y/N.”

“Private doesn’t mean pretending like I don’t exist. Private means you don't tell everyone every detail of your life. You don't hide away day and night to avoid prying eyes, so why do you have to hide me?” you asked, the anger and hurt quickly festering the longer the argument went on.

All you wanted was to be held, for him to tell you he cared, and that he already told his friends all about you. Yet instead, he dug the dagger deeper into your stomach, doing anything and everything to avoid having to be public with the way he supposedly felt about you.

The tears pricking in the corners of your eyes grew worse, but you continued to will them away. You needed to be as cold as ice right now, as unfeeling as your cruel grandmother. Pride rearing its ugly head as you did everything to keep Remus from seeing how easily he made you fall apart.

He sighed in exasperation, chewing on the inside of his cheek.

“Fine, I’ll talk to you in between classes. I’ll say hi and ask how your day is. Would that make you happy?” he asked. His voice was as prickly as a thorn. And it hurt, to be spoken to as if your emotional needs were nothing more than an inconvenience to him. As if you were nothing more than an inconvenience.

"You don't get it, you still don't get it," you said, voice dripping with disbelief. You shook your head, lips downturned into a frown, eyes glistening with tears.

You didn’t say anything else. The words wouldn’t have formed even if you wanted to. Instead, you stared at him; eyes wide and unblinking. This wasn’t real. There was no way it could be. You knew Remus and his friends could be cruel. You just never thought he could be this way to you. After all the things he said, and the promises he made, you never anticipated it’d be him to hurt you like this.

And at that moment, it was like a million puzzle pieces clicked together. All the mysteries you could never solve found resolution. Everything seemed clear to you. And the revelation made the pain you were feeling worse. But you couldn't run from the truth anymore, not when it was staring you directly in the face. You were a lovesick fool naively blinded by sparkly eyes and sweet smiles, but not an idiot.

“You’re ashamed of me.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement. He shook his head, a million different ways of dissuading you of what you knew on the tip of his tongue.

“Baby that--”

You cut him off with a laugh, cold and dry. You shook your head and scoffed, an incredulous grin on your lips that was as cold as the glittering snow. You stepped away from him, turning towards the stairs.

“Baby, wait,” Remus exclaimed, trying to grab your arm. You pulled away, still shaking your head. You were numb, but you knew the second you made it back to the safety of your dorm room everything bubbling under the surface would come crashing down.

You only turned to acknowledge him upon reaching the stairs. He was distraught, body shaking and eyes bloodshot as tears reflected off the dim light. But you didn’t care. This was a pain of his own making.

“You’re a bloody coward, Remus Lupin. A bloody coward.” And just like the wind, you were gone, only the echoes of your footsteps the remnants of your presence.

And true to your words, as soon as you shut the door to your dorm room, safely tucked in the blankets of your bed, a million tears flooded from your eyes. Your pillows were soaked from your crying, tear stains carving a distinct line from your eyes to your chin as you cried yourself to sleep.

OoO

Time refused to move, leaving you metaphorically paralyzed. Romanticized memories wouldn't leave your mind, replaying like the screening of an old movie. It kept you in place, holding you hostage in a love that was never real.

Not to Remus, not in the way it was to you.

And it was long gone, the magic that used to crackle between the two of you during those long summer nights was long gone. Yet, you held onto it, tightly. Unwilling to face the truth of the matter.

Remus never cared.

You'd been cheated, swindled by a get love quick scheme. The target of a man who never believed a single thing he said; selling cheap rocks under the pretense of gold.

But the anger wasn't enough to chase away the nighttime dreams. When you'd lie in bed for hours, staring at the ceiling, picturing the exact curve of his lips as you two drove through that small town. All the times he would nearly run a red light or miss a stop sign because he was enraptured by you. It was all tattooed on your skin. And it was the moments when something reminded you of his gentle touch or the way his eyes glowed in the dark, you'd forget why you ever even needed to forget him.

But then daytime would come, and every doubt following your decision to end it was chased away. Only in the light of day could you conclude that you weren't wrong, you didn't create something that was never there. The two of you were a masterpiece right before Remus tore it all up. And you wore that anger like a badge.

And despite it not moving, the next few weeks were a blur, time blending together until you couldn’t tell morning from night. Every day was a new hell every time Remus dared to cross your mind, despite the anger you held. Everything was heavy, simply getting through your classes was a chore. But you couldn’t let it show, couldn't let anyone see the tears you shed at night or the taunting thoughts that echoed in your mind. Because no one knew you’d even been seeing Remus.

The worst of all was seeing him with his friends, laughing and joking around as if nothing had happened. Because to him, nothing had. You were never important to him, not really. The sooner you accepted that you were never more than a flight of fancy to pass time the better.

But the memories were maddening.

That same restlessness was what led the kitchens at midnight, desperate for a soothing cup of hot chocolate. Somehow you convinced yourself it would lull you to sleep.

The kitchens were empty, which was expected during this time of night. But you didn’t mind, in fact, you welcomed the silence. It was all so exhausting having to pretend that everything was normal when on the inside you were falling apart. Time spent alone was sacred. It allowed the mask you maintained to drop so you could sink into your feelings.

Humming a quiet tune, you moved through the kitchens, pulling out the various items that would be needed. Lost in your mind as you carefully measured the ingredients, you didn’t hear the door to the kitchens open and close. It wasn’t until someone cleared their voice that you were pulled from your stupor.

Like a deer in headlights, you froze in place. Your heart was racing, terrified you’d been caught by one of the roaming prefects. Slowly, you looked up. The breath you’d been holding exhaled through your nose, yet your posture didn’t slacken.

Remus.

He was standing there, watching you. He didn’t utter a word, and neither did you. There was nothing left to say.

So you just returned your attention to the chocolate you were carefully chopping. Softly humming the same song from before, you did everything to pretend he wasn’t there. You grabbed the chocolate, gently placing it in the small pot with milk that was slowly beginning to bubble, adding vanilla and cinnamon to the mix. Eyes panned across the counter, looking for something to stir the mix with, but you couldn’t find one.

“Here,” Remus said, and in his hand was a wooden spoon. Hesitantly, you grabbed it, refusing to meet his gaze. Because you knew that you’d break. Now that the anger had dissipated and all that remained was lingering desolation, it would only take a single look at his sad brown eyes to break your resolve. The mile high walls you’d built would crumble within a second.

“Thanks,” you muttered, taking the spoon from his hand. You began to stir the mixture, watching the chocolate melt into the milk. The silence was awkward and stifling. It was never like this. Remus was always so boisterous, animatedly chatting up a storm about something that James or Sirius said. He was always so warm, expertly pulling information from you like you were a book in his hands. You’d happily satiate his curiosity if only to forever see the small creases on his forehead and absent-minded smiles that would rest on his face.

“Y/N, I want to apologize,” Remus said, slightly stuttering over his words. While never as arrogant as Potter or Black, Remus was never one to be nervous. He was a true Gryffindor when it came to facing issues, never afraid of any confrontation. Except you, it would seem. The guilt was consuming him, and that knowledge made you feel vindicated. He needed to experience just an ounce of what he made you feel.

“I don’t care,” you muttered, clenching your jaw as a way to distract the phantom tears that were starting to form.

“Please, baby, I miss you. And I’m sorry. I didn’t stop to think how keeping our relationship a secret would make you feel. I was selfish and you were right, I was being a coward. I was so afraid of what the boys would think I didn’t stop to think about you. And I’m sorry,” he said, the words slow and low. They didn’t sound rehearsed, he tripped over a few of the words too many times for that to be the case.

You swallowed the lump in your throat, hand tightening around the spoon, eyes unwilling to meet his.

He moved closer, and you could feel the heat from his body and the smell that clung to him. Warm hands gently cradled your face, turning it to face his. Brown met y/e/c, and despite yourself, the anger melted away. The rain came pouring, washing away almost every trace of the argument on the Astronomy Tower. Bitterly, you held onto the small pieces of resentment, because you didn’t want to forget it.

Didn’t want to give him another chance to hurt you, because you were wise enough to know that was what would happen.

But as his eyes stared in yours, and you subconsciously found yourself counting every freckle on his face, you knew the battle was lost.

“Say you’ll forgive me, love,” Remus muttered, voice pleading and desperate. You shook your head, unable to properly form words.

“Come on, baby. Say you’ll give me another chance,” Remus muttered, getting louder this time. His hands slid down your face, finding purchase on your hips. The grin on his face grew larger, becoming more effervescent with every second that passed.

“No,” you said, shaking your head. But you couldn’t contain the smile twitching on your face nor the quiet giggles that escaped your mouth.

“One more chance, please love,” he said. His fingers began to dance along your skin, lightly tickling you. The action elicited louder laughs from you, eyes glowing with life.

“St--stop it,” you managed to exclaim in between laughs. Remus shook his head, growing more feverous with his tickling.

“Not until you say you’ll give me a second chance,” he said.

“I don’t negotiate with terrorists!” you exclaimed, attempting to wiggle out his grasp, abdomen aching from the laughs that were wracking through your body.

“Then I guess I’ll just tickle you forever,” Remus said, voice taking a nonchalant tone.

It only took a few seconds for you to break, the last bits of anger disappearing like dust in the wind.

“Fine, fine, fine. I forgive you.”

Remus stilled, a single brow raised with a smirk on his lips.

“Sorry, what was that? I couldn’t quite hear you,” he said, leaning closer to you, a teasing glint in his eyes.

“I said I forgive you,” you said, unable to hide the large smile on your face, nearly blinding Remus in the dimly lit room.

“One more time, I didn’t fully catch that,” he said, getting closer to your face.

“I forgive you, you idiot!” You yelled it this time, lightly smacking his chest. He laughed, muttering a quiet ‘ow’ as he rubbed the spot your hand made contact with.

“This is brilliant news!” he exclaimed, planting a kiss on the corner of your lips. “In celebration, I say we drink a warm mug of hot chocolate.”

He reached over to pour some of the hot chocolate you’d made for himself, but you smacked his arm before he could.

“Ow,” he exclaimed, immediately recoiling.

“Mine. Get your own.”

OoO

“Happy birthday!” Everyone yelled, clapping their hands as they sat around you at the kitchen table. Your friends surrounded you, wearing muggle birthday hats and tossing confetti in the air. You smiled, glancing around the room, but you weren’t looking at them, not really. Eyes searching, mouth dry, and mind running at a million miles an hour. He wasn’t here. Remus wasn’t here.

But he said he would.

Glistening lights were strung up around the house, the only source of light in the otherwise dark house. You smoothed out your party dress, quietly tapping your toes against the floor. Lips were carved out with red lipstick, lined eyes locked on the door. You kept imagining it bursting open, Remus wearing a smile that said, "Baby, I'm right here."

And as every second passed, it became harder and harder to convince yourself he would hold true to his promise. Yet your mind still conjured a million excuses for him.

Maybe was running late, perhaps his mom and dad were coming and they simply had to wait for one of them to get off work. Or, maybe instead of Floo they decided to drive, and he was simply stuck in traffic. But maybe he decided to tell his friends about you, and they were coming too! They were a rowdy bunch, nearly late to every class and occasion so it would make perfect sense.

‘Or--’

Your father came out of the kitchen, with your birthday cake in his hands, exactly seventeen candles lit on the top. It was funfetti with vanilla frosting, your favorite. Behind him was your mom, holding enough plates and forks for everyone in attendance, but one was missing. She didn’t have a plate for Remus. But you told her he was coming. He promised.

‘Or--’

Your dad set the cake on the table right in front of you, singing an off-key rendition of Happy Birthday, the rest of the table following in suit. He stood to your right, your mom to your left, each of them resting a hand on your shoulder with matching grins. It was loud, everyone’s faces lit up with glee as they watched your expression that was slowly crumbling. But you didn’t show it, managing to hide it expertly. You’d gotten good at hiding emotions ever since you started seeing Remus. Briefly, your eyes met your best friends, and her expression dimmed slightly. She could always tell when something was wrong.

‘Or--’

“Make a wish, my love,” your mom said, leaning down to whisper in your ear. You met her eyes, the smile on your face dimming as you met her sweet smile that masked a sympathetic gaze. She could tell it was eating you up on the inside. She also already knew what you spent the whole day denying.

Remus wasn't running late.

He just wasn’t coming.

It was like slow motion. Sitting there in your party dress, in red lipstick with no one to impress. And the whole room was standing around you, singing Happy Birthday, it should've been perfect. But there was one thing that was missing. The one thing that was always missing whenever he shouldn't have been.

Resignation replaced the sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. You nodded, returning your gaze to your birthday cake. You shut your eyes, mind blank of any cognitive thoughts as you blocked out the laughter in the room. Then, you pursed your lips and blew out the candles. The room erupted in cheers, louder this time. And the scraping of silverware on plates filled the room as pieces of cake were passed out to everyone.

And despite yourself, your eyes kept moving to the door, willing for him to come.

But he never did.

The hours passed by, the house now vacated of all guests, the confetti swept up and the cake put away. You were in the same spot at the table, watching the front door, hoping that if you continued to look, he’d magically appear. Your mom moved beside you, placing a hand on your shoulder.

"I'm sorry, my love," she said, a sympathetic smile on her face. She leaned down, placing a kiss on your cheek.

"He said he'd be here," you said hopelessly, tears streaming down your face. He'd let you down before, but this was the first time he'd broken a promise. This time it stung more than it ever had before.

"I know," your mom said, gently wiping away your tears, a sigh leaving her mouth. With another glance at you and a quiet sigh, she exited the room to give you space.

'He should've been here,' you thought.

It was a few minutes later that you finally heard from Remus.

His owl flew in through the open window, a small letter in its beak. It dropped it in your lap, swiftly exiting the house. Shaking hands gripped the paper, slowly tearing it open. Your heart was racing in anticipation, disappointment momentarily fading from the rush of his letter. Hope blossomed in you, a million more excuses flooding your mind. But the butterflies turned to dust as your eyes read the parchment.

‘Sorry I couldn’t make it, something came up. Happy Birthday.’

Wide eyed and unblinking, you continued to stare at the paper in your hands, tears creating watercolor patterns that distorted the ink.

Then it was like a light went off in your head.

Shakily, you got up, moving to find a quill and parchment to write a response. You sat at your desk, staring at the blank parchment, willing the words to just appear.

After a few moments of stifling silence and maddening stillness, you began to write. Your penmanship was shaky and so unlike how neat and legible it usually was. You sharply inhaled as more tears fell from your eyes, distorting the letter on the page. Crumpling the parchment, you tossed it aside and pulled out a fresh one. You rewrote your message, forcing the tears to not fall from your eyes, 'lest you have to start over again.

You set down your quill, staring at the paper. Methodically, you folded the paper, slipping it in an envelope and preparing it to be mailed. Almost robotically, you stood from your chair, walking to where your family kept your owl. You handed the owl the envelope, then it was gone, taking the response to Remus.

You walked back to your room, quietly shutting the door, footsteps lightly pattering on the wooden floors. Still as a statue, you lay in bed, staring at the ceiling.

Crumpled on your desk, the original letter laid untouched, but the words were still burned on the paper. And even if no one else could understand the writing, you could.

‘I’m sorry too.’

And that was the moment you knew.

OoO

[alwayslovingharry]

ABCDEFU

A/N:I'm sorry I didn't post yesterday, but I couldn't do it yesterday. I know today's chapter is a bit of a step back from the last one, but it's necessary. I hope you like it and I promise that there's less time left for Mr. Styles to reappear…maybe only 2 more…you'll see….

previous part

PAIRING: Harry Styles x Hailey Foster (1Dmember!reader)

WORD COUNT: 3.9k

WARNING: Not an english native speaker.

SUMMARY: Hailey receives a visit and goes to an unexpected meeting.

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3/03/2017

I can't stop a grunt from coming out of my mouth when the alarm clock goes off four hours after I got into the bed. My flight from Milan yesterday was delayed for four hours due to some mechanical problems. I ended up getting back to London at 2am and it wasn't until after 3am that I got home and was able to lie down on my bed to sleep. I rolled over, staring at the ceiling wondering if it's really worth waking up so early to make the most out of the morning

Since Valentine's Day, my schedule has been non-stop. I've had several meetings with different clothing brands in New York, Paris, Rome, Madrid, Milan... I've spent more time between planes these past 3 weeks than I have in my entire life. 

Now I can finally have some time off until the end of April, when I will have to go to New York to attend the Met Gala as a guest of Versace. During this time I will only have to go and try out my outfit in one of their boutiques here in London. The rest of the time I will be able to spend my time resting and even composing. 

Since Harry gave me the blank notebook, I have started to use it daily, writing down any lyrics, phrases or pieces of songs that come into my head. I have taken my guitar with me on some of the trips, even if they didn't last more than two days, using some of my free time to try out some melody or chords that came to my mind. I have also used the notebook as a kind of diary to write down my feelings and thoughts. 

I haven't spoken to Jack since the restaurant, but he has called me almost every day since then. The only thing I know about him is what he has told me in the messages he has been sending me. He must be in Manchester now, closing a deal to partner with a construction company. 

I haven't tried to contact Harry either, even though his face pops into my head more than once a day. That determination I had after opening his presents on Valentine's Day vanished the next morning as soon as I woke up.

That's why Louis refused to be my spy. He's coming back from Jamaica tomorrow after spending a week there with Harry and his team. He didn't tell me much in his messages either, apart from telling me that he and Harry had agreed that Jamaica was the best time they had had in a long time. The only thing he made clear to me is that he loves Harry's album.

I sigh, pulling the duvet away from my body and very slowly getting out of bed. I pick up my phone from the bedside table, tucking it into my pajama trousers pocket and walk down the hallway to the stairs, down to the living room and into the kitchen.

After 3 weeks of hardly coming home I find the fridge and pantry half empty, but in the end I manage to find a box of coffee capsules in one of the cupboards so I can at least have some breakfast before going shopping. I grab a cup from one of the shelves while I switch on the Nespresso machine. 

While the coffee maker is making the coffee, I look at my little back garden from my kitchen window. The flowers in the garden box are still without buds as it's still early March and the weather is still cold. Today looks like it's going to be one of those typical London winter days where the sun doesn't even make an appearance. I sigh, picking up my freshly brewed coffee with both hands, warming them with the warmth of the cup. 

The doorbell rings and I leave the mug on the counter. I walk back through the living room, picking up a jacket from the sofa to put on over my pyjamas. Before I open the door I decide to look through the peephole, I don't usually have visitors at half past seven in the morning. I open the door when I recognise that curly hair.

"James, what are you doing here so early?" My brother smiles as I open the door for him.

"Can't I visit my little sister?" he asks as he rushes over to hug me tightly.

"Of course you can visit me, but it's not normal for you to visit me unannounced and at this hour."

"Mum told me you were coming back from one of your trips yesterday but I have to be on set soon so... why not invite myself to breakfast at my sister's house?"

"Well, you've planned it wrong because I've only got coffee for breakfast."

"A coffee works for me." 

I return to the kitchen with James following me and I start making his coffee. As I grab another pod and cup, I glance sideways at my brother. James is keeping quiet, which is rare for him. 

The whole thing seems strange to me. James does like to come and visit me as soon as he can, or at least call me every week at least. But since Christmas, he's barely called me a couple of times,and that’s strange. Even when I was on tour with the band James and I hadn't lost touch that much. And now he suddenly shows up at my house first thing in the morning.

"Come on, spill it," I say as I hand him the cup with his coffee and take mine back in my hands.

"What do you mean?"

"You can try to act smart and think I don't think it's weird for you to show up here for breakfast now after months of not even seeing you. You've never stopped talking to me like this without any big reason, you're already telling me what's going on with you."

"Sometimes you're worse than mum, Hails."he replies. 

“I know you better than her, you're my big brother, now tell me what mess you need me to help you with. "

James takes a sip of his coffee and sighs before speaking again. 

"Remember how ever since I was 12 I was always telling mum not to expect grandchildren from me and that I was never going to get married either?"

"Sure, Mum's never been amused by that, her retirement plan is to be able to look after her grandchildren and for you to say you don't want to have them or get married...you're not disinherited by a miracle, Jamie."

"Ha ha ha ha, you' re hilarious, you've always been his favourite for wanting all that and for being mummy and daddy's little princess," I laughed as he took a sip of his coffee.

"And what does that have to do with you ignoring me since Christmas?"

"I didn't ignore you...not on purpose. What's happened is...I've been really busy."

"You can't tell me you were too busy, when I was touring with the band and you were studying at Juilliard and auditioning for Broadway plays you were calling me after almost every concert or the day after every concert. That's no excuse."

"Hailey..."

"Hailey nothing, it pisses me off that after barely knowing about your life you're now coming to my house for coffee like it's nothing."

I turn to clean my cup in the sink, turning my back to my brother. We've always told each other everything, supported each other in everything, and called each other whenever something happened to us to talk to each other about whatever we went through.  

"I...I might now, well in the very near very near future, be mum's favourite son." mumbles James as he hands me his empty mug to wash. 

"What?" 

"Okay, so…over half a year ago I met this girl, Brooklyn, although she likes to be called Brooke or Brooks. She was one of the stylists on one of the shows I filmed last year in America and... I've never felt the same way about anyone else. Not even with Austin, the roommate I had when I was at Juilliard, with whom I had the friends with benefits thing. She's different, she's...my soul mate. She's Rose and I'm Jack, she's Sophie and I'm Sky..."

"I get it, I get it" I cut him off before he goes on with his references to his favourite couples in film and theatre history, he's obsessed. ”Why didn't you tell me this before? You knew her at Christmas, you could have told me."

"I know, I know, but I didn't want Mum to find out and force me to take her home and start intruding into our lives with her little questions.I wanted to take it slow with her." I leave the mugs dripping in the sink and I drie my hands on a tea towel, turning back to look at James." I'm really sorry, Hails. "

"It doesn't matter anymore, at least I'm relieved to know that you didn't stop talking to me because you're in a cult or into drugs. "

"I love your sense of humour." he says wryly as I walk into the living room and sit down on the couch, sitting down next to me. 

"So you've settled down with this girl, have you?" 

"Yeah, a couple of weeks ago she came to live in my flat and everything seems to be going great between us. "

"You look good, it suits you to have something stable and that seems to be lasting."

"She's the best thing that's happened to me in a long time, Hails," we both smile, but I can see there's a twinkle in her eyes that I've only seen when she's talking about a big role or something she really cares about. "She's gorgeous, inside and out, kind, very smart, funny, sweet...I'm sure when you get to know her you'll like her a lot, I'm sure. Every day I spend with her and get to know her a little more, I'm even more sure I'll never be able to leave her. I’m going to marry that girl, I can assure you."

"That's very sweet, James," he replied, smiling. "She seems like a nice girl."

"I can promise you she is, I need you to meet her, as soon as possible."

"Wow, why are you in such a rush now? You've kept her a secret all these months and suddenly you want me to meet her as soon as possible." 

"Well...I think you two should meet before she has the baby, I don't want it to be awkward getting to know each other with a baby in between."

"What? This is a joke, isn't it?" I ask, still not taking in all this information. " You' re going to be a dad?"

"I'm going to be a dad!" shouts James as I throw my arms around him and hug him tightly. 

"I'm going to be an auntie!"

We both laugh as we try not to fall off the couch while hugging each other. I'm so happy for James. I'm so glad he's found something that really makes him so happy...I'm so proud of him. 

"How far along is she? Is everything ok? Is she and the baby ok? Did you guys plan it or..." 

"The truth is it wasn't planned at all but it was a very exciting surprise and we are both very excited. Brooks and the baby are fine, we found out 2 weeks ago and we went to the doctor last week and everything was great with both of them. She' s about 12 weeks along."

"Oh my gosh...James! You've gone from being directionless to being a family man! "

"I know." We both lean our backs against the couch again but the smiles don't leave our faces. "I'm so happy about all this..."

"I'm really happy for you, I need to meet this girl you've been so enchanted by. "

"I'm sure you'll get along well, I can't wait for you two to meet." 

My phone vibrates in my pyjama pocket just as I'm about to ask James more about his girlfriend. I pick up my phone and unlock it, finding a couple of messages from one of my managers.

L. Peterson: We need you at 9 o'clock at the offices.

L. Peterson: It's an important meeting, you can't possibly miss it or change it.

L. Peterson: A car will pick you up at 8:20.

I sigh wearily and James just looks at me, raising his eyebrows. I turn my phone over, letting him read the messages and grimace.

"I should probably get going soon anyway if I don't want to be late for the film set."

"I hate that they decide to have meetings when they feel like it, I wanted to keep talking about my sister-in-law and my future niece or nephew."

"How about one of these days I give you a call and we can meet Brooks so you can get to know her?" James stands up and offers me a hand so I can get up from the couch as well. 

"That would be perfect." 

"And please don't say anything to mum and dad yet, I'm trying to think of the best way to tell them all of this without them making a fuss over me. "He says as we walk to the door and opens it so we can go out. "I don't want mum to faint."

"Sure, you know you can always count on me, Jamie."

"I know." we both quickly hug once more." And you can rely on me too, I know Louis and Olivia are your best friends but I'm my big brother and can also help or listen when you need it. 

"I know."

"Next time we'll talk about what's going on in your life sis, mum told me about the situation in the restaurant and Jack? Are you okay?" 

"I'm always fine, James." she smiled lightly against his shoulder. 

"If you need anything I'm just a phone call away, okay?"

I nod and we both separate again and stand for a few seconds watching each other. We've both grown up and matured, barely noticing the passage of time, succeeding in our own ways, but James will always be my big brother. 

"See you, Hails."

"Take care."

"Always." 

I stand on the porch watching him leave until he disappears completely from my sight and I go back inside. I look at the clock on my phone, I have about half an hour to get ready before the car comes for me so I run up the stairs to the upstairs to have a shower and get changed. 

More than an hour later I am getting out of the car that has brought me to the management offices. We have been stuck in London traffic for over 40 minutes from my home in St. John's Wood to Peterborough Road. It's usually more than half an hour's drive, even more if it's rush hour like today. 

I walk quickly into the offices hoping that no paparazzi are around to recognise me, sometimes they wait outside of the building to get pics of the artists that come to the offices. As I enter, a receptionist is already waiting at the door to take me to the meeting room, asking if I need anything to drink or eat while I politely decline all her offers.

"Good morning," I greet as the receptionist opens the door to the meeting room, where the two Modest managers who have always looked after me are waiting. 

"Hello, Hailey," Luke Peterson says as he rises from his seat to greet me and shake my hand. 

“Good morning, Miss Foster, you may take a seat.” Brenda Walker is my other manager, the one who usually runs my career, she's much cooler and more serious than Luke. 

"We've called you in to discuss a couple of things about your schedule over the next few months," Luke explains as I settle into my chair.

"Until the Met at the end of April I only have dress fittings at Versace every week, right?"

"Yes, but maybe you'll stay a few more days in America after the Met. We got a call from CBS and they'd like you to come on Late Late as a guest so James can do an interview with you about the gala and your new modelling projects."

"Sounds good to me." 

"It would just be the interview and at most some of the typical games on the show, nothing complicated. "

"Okay, I have no problem doing anything, I trust James and his team. "

"Then until the end of the summer you have more or less free time again with only some promotional events or photo shoots for Dior and Versace. In August you have rehearsals for the Versace runway show in Milan and also rehearsals for the Dior runway show that you have a few days later at Paris fashion week. "

"And we've been talking to Gucci, Alessandro Michelle would like you to become one of the brand ambassadors or at least he'd like to collaborate with you and have you join him sometime for your events." Brenda speaks for the first time as Luke jots something down on his iPad. 

"But I already have deals with Dior and Versace?

"We know and that's why you're going to say no, you can't be their ambassador," Luke explains. "We'll accept his proposal to collaborate, maybe to dress you on a red carpet, interview or awards show, but you have to be loyal to Dior and Versace. "

"It looks great for a young woman like you to collaborate with brands that are leading women and championing female empowerment . Gucci may be fashionable for all its innovations but Versace and Dior are run by Maria and Donatella, who know what they do and how to succeed," says Brenda as she gets up from her chair and walks over to the living room windows. 

"And that's all you had to tell me?

"Yes, basically that's what I needed to talk to you about, I'm not quite clear on the dates yet but as soon as I have a more or less fixed schedule, I'll mail it to you. Also everything about the Met and the Late Late." replies Luke as he picks up his IPad and gets up from the table." I've got to go now, I've got a meeting with the 5SOS guys." 

"Tell them I said hi.”

"Of course, see you soon Hailey." he says goodbye with a smile as he walks out the door, leaving me alone with Brenda. 

I never got along with Brenda, I was introduced to her about 4 years ago, when each of the boys and I were assigned a different manager to contact whenever something happened to us. I hate her, from the beginning she has treated me like a puppet that she can drag around wherever she wants. I've always got on better with Luke, he's the one who usually contacts me for all my schedule and appointments, when I met him he was still just an intern for Brenda and from the beginning I could see how she didn't treat him very well either. 

"Answer me this question, why don't you pick up Jack's phone?"

And as a bonus, she's also my mother-in-law. 

"Brenda..."

"I'm asking you a question, Hailey, my son has been trying to contact you for almost a month now after you stood him up after he proposed to you. "

"I haven't had time, I've been running all over the world."

"Well now the next thing on your agenda is to call him and say yes to his marriage proposal."

"I told you when you first told me he wanted to propose, I'm not ready to get married. "

"Well, you can get ready now, I've started talking to my contacts to start preparations for the wedding. "

"I don't know if you're understanding me," I reply as I put my hands on the table and stand up. I'm not going to say yes to your son just because you tell me to. "

"Yes you are." Brenda turns to look at me and also places her hands on the table, mimicking my posture." Or I'll see for myself that after you do the September shows you don't have another project for a long time until you've married my son. "

"Marrying your son means that, we both know Jack doesn't like me being a singer or a model." 

"I'll take care of my son, but you're getting married in the summer of next year." 

I can't believe they're actually doing this to me. Forcing me to get married for my career? It's one thing to stay in a fake relationship and quite another to sign up for a fake and unhappy marriage. 

"If I say yes, I want conditions that benefit me. "

"Well…" Brenda sits back in her chair and I remain standing. 

"I want to be able to compose for other singers and create my own music with the possibility of releasing a solo album at a time when I want to."

 "You know very well that from the management we don't think you'll be successful as a solo artist, not even as a songwriter."

Ouch

"If you don't say yes to this now I will tell your son that our relationship exists only because my contracts force me to." 

We both know that she doesn't want Jack to know that our relationship is bound by my contracts and my managers. From the beginning I've used this as a fallback when I really didn't want to agree to do something, it's one of the few excuses I can use. 

"Okay, you can make an album eventually and we can try to sell songs that you write." 

"And remove the clause of having to compensate you if my contract ends and I refuse to continue with you as my manager or with SYCO. "

"That's impossible." 

"If you don't remove that clause I don't see it possible to marry your son either, remove those clauses and everything will be as you want it to be at the wedding." Brenda remains silent for a few seconds looking at me with hate, we can both play this game. 

"Alright, that's it, nothing else and you better hope my son calls me at the end of the day and tells me you talked to him and said yes."

"Okay," I reply as I sigh.

Where did I get into?

"Well," she stands up again and I straighten up as much as I can as she stretches out her hand towards me, "I can finally tell you, welcome to the family." 

"Can I go?" I reply, ignoring her hand. 

"Yes, I expect that call before tonight, Miss Foster." 

I leave, slamming the door shut as I hear those last words from Brenda. I hate her, with all my heart, every time I spend time alone with her I feel helpless at everything she says or does. 

"Would you like a car to take you home, Miss Foster?" asks the receptionist as I walk past her towards the door.

"No, thank you."

When I leave the offices, I see how it's raining hard and if I walk home like this I'm going to get totally wet, but I still go out to the street while I call for an Uber and look for another place nearby to get out of the rain. Right now I don't want to accept anything to do with my evil mother-in-law or my managers.

to continue...

next part

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Thanks for reading and I hope you liked it, please leave any comments or leave a like it if you enjoyed it.

See you soon :)

[dayseternal-blog]

Hi days! I know you're the best person to go to for some NH fic recommendations. Can you share with us really angsty NH fics? I've read White Lillies, that amount of angst is revitalizing I LOVE IT!!! big thanks!!!

HELLO

For how fluffy NaruHina is, there SURE ARE A LOT of shippers who LOVE NARUHINA ANGST.  I’ve been asked for angst recs far more than any other type????

I will now compile every angst fic rec I’ve ever made into one long list.  (folks can see if there’s anything I’ve missed 🤓)

NARUHINA ANGST

“A Place In The Sun” by ihaveastorminme - Rated M for smut and depictions of violence, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete.  Naruto realizes that he’s not enough to love her.  He’s not enough to save her, either.

“A Fate Worse than Death” by Caelestia - Rated M for smut, ABO Canon-Divergent, One-shot.  Naruto, improperly socialized and traumatized as a child, rejects his inner Alpha, which has devastating consequences on his family and marriage.  “A Risky Bet” is its fluffier follow-up.

“Girl No 10″ by meeiwen - Rated M, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. Naruto makes a mistake with a dancer one drunk night.  Years later when he meets her again, he begins realizing his perfect life is a lie, but he’s too late to fix it. Angst if you want to know what dying feels like warning.

“if this is love (why does it hurt?)” by ClairvoyantDreamer1011 - Rated M, Friends with benefits Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Hinata knew many things about Naruto Uzumaki. She knew that his heated glances meant ‘I want you’; that lingering touches whispered 'please’, and that the sight of his back to her screamed 'leave’. But she couldn’t tell you what they were to each other for the life of her.

“If You Said You Loved Me” by destiny’s sweet melody - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, One-shot.  Naruto begins to realize he took her feelings for granted and now he’s too late.

“The Ring that Binds” by softwind - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete.  Naruto and Hinata are married.  So why is Naruto calling “Sakura” in his sleep?

“Why would innocent little Hinata be out dressed like that?” (One-shot) and its follow-up “On Any Given Day” (Long One-Shot) by @utsus - Rated T, Canon-Divergent. Hinata tries to move on from Naruto, right when he realizes he wants to keep her.

“For the Future” by @utsus - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Complete. Hinata understands this better than anyone else. Naruto is easy to love.  (I actually just hate the ending a lot.  That’s what puts this on the list).

“Gilded Butterflies” by Kid Crisis - Rated M for depictions of violence, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Tenshi, beautiful prostitute of the Villa, realized from a very young age that people seem to do nothing but empty her, and not even Naruto seems capable of convincing her otherwise.

“Serenity Prayer” by @katarinahime - Rated M for smut, substance abuse, PTSD, and depictions of domestic violence and non-con, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. When their fairytale endings smash to ugly pieces, Hinata and Naruto help put each other back together.

“Common Side Effects” (Naruto’s POV) by @katarinahime & “Medicated” (Hinata’s POV) by @szajnie - Rated E for smut, substance abuse, mental illness, and depictions of violence, self-harm, and attempted suicide, Crime/Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Naruto and Hinata, in a struggling relationship, must confront the pain inside before they can love each other.

“In Another Life” by theGeneralissimo - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Complete. In which Naruto listens to his mother’s advice and marries a girl like her. And lives to regret it.

“Mistake” by Cherry1315 - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Naruto falls apart, and, unfortunately, Hinata has to pick up the pieces.

“Until the Day I Love” by BluBlooThalassophile - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Everyone is recovering from the war.

“Hidden From Sunlight” by @bunny-hoodlum - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. How different could Naruto’s life be when the girl that seemed 'barely around’ is truly hardly around at all?

“Powerless” by @bunny-hoodlum - Rated M for depictions of violence and character death, Mystery/Crime High School/Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. His family’s past can’t be taken at face-value, and it comes clawing back to hurt him in ways that are out of his control. DELETED FIC.

“21 Days” by @bunny-hoodlum - Rated E includes dub-con, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Anonymous internet friends decide to meet up IRL and give each other their first times.

“April - Too Late/Missed Opportunities” from “Still Falling for You” by @chloelapomme - Rated T, College/Modern AU, One-shot. After her 3 years away for college, Naruto decides to confess.

“June - Honor/Sacrifice” from “Still Falling for You” by @chloelapomme - Rated T, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. Naruto marries Hinata, the girl of his dreams.  If only she loved him back.

“you totally almost killed me that one time (it’s okay I still love you)” by @itachiboutit - Rated G, High School AU, Multi-chapter, Complete.  Naruto, a promising baseball player, returns to Konoha Prep, and, without so much as even a “long time no see,” hits a ball into Hinata’s face. (This isn’t really angsty…but I get really upset in Ch. 4 and cry a lot every time.)

“Because I Love You” aka “Arranged Marriage AU Take 2″ (Same fic) by @magmawrites - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, One-shot. A canon divergent fic in which The Last never happened and Hinata Hyuga was promised to another.

“Asylum AU” from “Tales of Two Ninjas” by @magmawrites - Rated M, Modern AU, One-shot. What’s to say what’s real and what isn’t? The only thing that’s valid and true in all universes is their love for one another.

“Dreaming of AU” from “Tales of Two Ninjas” by @magmawrites - Rated M for implied suicide, Modern AU, One-shot. Naruto dreams of her. He grows to love her. Dreams are nice. Too bad reality is a nightmare. (Most likely a continuation of the Asylum AU.)

“Memory Loss AU” from “Tales of Two Ninjas” by @magmawrites - Rated M, Amnesia Canon-Divergent AU, One-shot. I LOVE YOU. Will I ever hear those words from your lips again?

“The Path We Walk” by @tenney-shoes - Rated T, Amnesia Canon-Divergent AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. With his memory of the past five years missing, Naruto never expected to be married to Hinata, and now he must navigate through the maze that is their life together with no memory of how he got there.

“Easier For Me” by @tenney-shoes - Rated T, Amnesia Canon-Divergent AU, Two-shot, Complete. How will Hinata handle waking up with no memory of how she got there?

“My Escape” by @marimare-writes - Rated T, Amnesia Canon-Divergent AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Naruto wakes up from a coma with no recollection of life after graduating the Academy. Hinata, anxious and with a secret that will change both of their lives, struggles with what to do.

“Consolation Prize: Through Her Distorted Mirror” by mysterious intentions - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete.  Her love is taken lightly, as if her heart could change so easily.

“Good Luck” By LovelyLori - Rated T, Flowers/Ballet AU, Two-Shot, Complete. A Japanese ballet company arrives in Naruto’s town.  Can love transcend language barriers? (I spent HOURS looking for this one, it totally breaks my heart.)

“On the outside looking in” by @char-lotteral - Rated E for smut, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Naruto’s in love with his best friend’s girlfriend fiancee.  And he’s not moving on.

“Sincerely, Uzumaki Naruto” by @bkgsbby​ - Rated T, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. After his wife leaves him a week after giving birth to their son, Naruto moves back to Konoha. He adjusts to life as a single father, with the help of his friends and surprisingly, his old crush.

“Road to Redemption” by averagejane497 - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Complete. Naruto’s made a lot of mistakes in his life, especially concerning the women he loves. Maybe this time he can get it right.

“You’re the One” by AnimeloverNUMBA100 - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Complete. After 4 desperate years, Hinata finally asked Naruto out. He decides to give her a chance, but his feelings for Sakura has never faded. Hinata is slowly losing hope as time goes on…and she soon chooses to leave him.

Untitled by @randomprose - Rated G, Canon-Divergent, One-shot. Prompt: Hinata finds out that Naruto told Minato that Sakura is his girlfriend.

“Jitters” by ncfan - Rated T, Canon-Compliant, One-shot. He has her heart but he doesn’t even know it.

“The Red Umbrella” by ncfan - Rated G, Canon-Divergent, One-shot. As the rain hits her, Hinata thinks about what she doesn’t have, and what she’ll never have now.

“Duplicity” by GoldKing - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Uzumaki Sakura wants to know why Hinata’s children are blond.

“My Favorite Night” by @peppercornpresses - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Hinata harbors deeper feelings for Naruto after three years of being his roommate. When he starts dating Sakura, Hinata decides it’s in her heart’s best interest to turn the other way, and leaves Naruto for good with a heart-breaking secret in tow.

“The Loving Type” by @peppercornpresses - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. A few years have passed since the Fourth Shinobi War, in which…Rookie Nine steadily advances in rank. Naruto gets engaged. Hinata leaves Konoha. And Kakashi schemes for days.

“Blurred Lines” by @vegebulsoup - Rated E, Police / Cops and Robbers Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. Detective Naruto Uzumaki is having a hard time staying focused at work due to an elusive, dark-haired beauty.  (Starts off fun and smutty, grows angsty).

“I want you to cry” and its sequel “Road of Tears” by Devahhole - Rated E for graphic murder, dub-con/non-con, and smut, High School AU, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. A sociopath blinded by revenge runs into his greatest opponent.

“Absolute” by @ssa25 - Rated M, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. She was his kind, shy and innocent friend. Until she wasn’t. He was her pure, beautiful and unrequited love. Until he wasn’t.

I’m very glad that you enjoyed my “White Lilies” fic!!  Here’s everything I could think of for you to cry or stress out over.

SAD READING 😢

[cvtqr]

365

pairings; eren jaeger x reader [+ jean x reader]

notes; this was also posted on my ao3, which has the same username as this one [cvtqr]

“i never loved you y/n.” 

“WHAT DON’T YOU GET? I NEVER LOVED YOU SO STOP COMING HERE Y/N.” 

he slammed the door in your face. you didn't know why he was treating you this way. you've been with him every step of the road. there was no way he couldn't love you. you didn't want to leave. you didn't want to stop coming to see him. so you didn't stop. you weren't going to leave. you sunk down onto the concrete in front of his door.

on the other side eren was doing the same thing, just sitting against the door. he didn't want to see you. he didn't want to give into you. if he hurt you now he wouldn't hurt you in 365 days. but seeing your face was so hard. he never wanted to scream at you and slam the door in your face. right when you showed up the only thing he wanted to do was pull you into his arms. he wanted to feel your warmth. but he can't. he knew you were like a drug, he couldn't get enough. he also knew that he could never be with you again. no. not after 365 days. he could never give you a family, the life you deserved. his biggest mistake was falling in love with you. it was impossible to give you everything he wanted to. he never even knew when it happened. when you walked with him in the snow during training? when you saved him countless times? your soft, sweet smile? he needed you, but you didn't need him.

you ended up falling asleep on eren’s front porch, waking up the next morning from the bright sun shining directly onto your face. and the blonde boy standing in front of you.

“so he won't talk to you either hm? you should go, you don't deserve that y/n. he hasn't talked to anyone in days, im just leaving a bag for him to make sure he's taking care of himself and all.” 

you nodded and stood up, walking down the step on eren’s porch. 

“the captain wants to see you too. i think he wants you and jean doing field work today.”

“thanks” you mumbled out before going to meet up with levi. 

armin was right, you and jean were out on the field today. jean secretly cared about you and he hated seeing you like this. the bright cheerful girl, now not saying a word. you lost the glow in your eyes. as the sun set, you and jean were about done. riding your horses back to the stables, jean took a turn.

“where are you going.”

“come on, y/n.”

sighing, you turned the direction of your horse, following jean.  

he stopped over the lake, the sun setting above you two.

“i used to come here with marco all the time.”

you looked up and over at jean.

“s-sorry, lets go.”

“wait jean.- i, i miss him too.”

“do you maybe wanna get dinner in town? we haven't ate in awhile and you seem very down today.”

“i don't know jean...”

“oh come on, my treat.”

knowing you couldn't go home and cook with eren like you used to do, you accepted his offer. 

279 days

the time for you and jean to do field work all day came around again. after, you found yourself in town with him again. over the past 86 days you found yourself going to eren’s less and less. after hanging out with jean all day for the first time, you realized that you both had a lot in common. jean lost someone and even though eren was still here, you lost him. you now only go there about once a week with armin, just to leave a bag with a note on his doorstep. he completely ghosted everyone. he hasn't talked to anyone in almost 100 days. you were the last person he spoke to. 

back to today, you found your smile slowly coming back. but were you over eren? no. not at all. jean just simply made you somewhat happy. out in town the both of you decided to try food from a bunch of carts. that was until you got to a small band playing music. jean pulled you close to him and started slowly swaying the both of you together. jean knew you were probably wishing he was eren, but that was ok with him. he had you in his arms.

what you didn't know, eren was sitting on a nearby bench. from a far, he was un recognizable. his hair draped over his shoulders and he hasn't shaved in months. he looked like shit. he questioned his decision of pushing everyone away. should he have spent the 365 days with you? no. no no no no no, he made the right choice. now he would just have to watch your life with jean. even though it hurt, it hurt like hell, this is what he wanted for you.

123 days 

wow, its been awhile since you've seen eren. you stopped going there. you didn't feel like need. its been way over 200 days. you had jean now. you were so close, yet so far to being over eren. but you didn't want to hurt jean by going to see your ex-lover. jean didn't bring up marco, you didn't bring up eren. you haven't had as much time with jean that you had with eren, but you were slowly falling in love with him.

just the little things.

4 days

letters. eren had written a letter to each and every one of his friends, but no. he only needed you to see yours. he ripped up the rest, but put yours into a plain white envelope, leaving it on his kitchen table. he needed to think about a lot of things in the next four days.

1 day 

eren took all his decorations down. all the pictures of you two that he's been looking at for the past 364 days. the only thing left was the letter, still set on his counter.

2 days after 

y/n. open in five years. i understand if you want to throw this out and forget about me, but give it a chance.

that's what you read on the envelope left on eren’s counter. 

you and close friends cleaned out eren’s house, collecting his personal belongings.  

saying the day was gloomy is being generous. the next few years were gloomy.

1825 days after

“marco kirstein! get back here right now or im getting your father.” 

you never imagined yourself chasing after a three year old toddler while your husband drank coffee on the balcony five years later. 

1826 days later

“have fun on your camping trip boys. connie loose my child when jean goes on that interview and ill kill you.”

“mommy stop worrying! uncle connie is a great babysitter!” 

6 hours later

you un crumpled the old envelope sitting in a box of belongings. 

hey sugar! so i see you didn't forget about me. if im right you have started a family? or that's what i hope at least...

those last 365 days were painful as all hell. sorry for bringing up old memories but i just want to clear things up with you. i lied the last time i saw you. i love you. i loved you so much. that's why i needed to let go. I've been watching you and jean over the past few months. you seem happy. stay that way please. i fucking cannot stand jean but please don't let go of him. if you're reading this and you did, i hope your children get/got your genes so they don't have horse faces. 

i don't even know why im writing this, i guess i just wanted to say i had to let go so you wouldn't get hurt once i died. i thought it would be less painful for you that way. im so sorry if i hurt you at first. so, so sorry. at least you had jean. someone, just like i wanted you too. 

im not sure if i regret my decision. actually scrap that i shouldn't have wrote that because i don't have an eraser. i don't regret it. but i just wanted to let you know that i loved you over those last 365 days. tell the gang i said hey.

i love you, my atlantis.

-eren

[author-morgan]

Hi there! So I have a request for Eivor if it hasn't already been requested yet and if you have the time. Since I've started to play the game I love the Cairn stone events. I would love it if you could possibly write something with Eivor teaching his young daughter about them and teaching her how to stack them.

man, i wish i loved the cairns as much as you. i've never wanted to throw my controller through the tv more, not to mention the one i spent almost 2 hours on. but gosh if this isn't super cute, so here you go, Eivor teaches his and your daughter how to stack stones. m!Eivor x fem!Reader

SVANDÍS PROTESTS WHEN you veer from the path leading down to the wharf, instead taking to one of the benches outside the longhouse. Sitting down with a long and heavy sigh, you wipe the sweat from your brow —it is only a spring morning with a cool breeze, but the aches and sniffles from the prior evening have taken hold. Valka will tell you it is a spring fever and that rest, and a good meal is the best remedy, but you have an antsy five-year-old on the verge of tears, tugging at your skirts. “But you promised!” She pouts.

“I know” —you stroke back her blond hair, already in disarray from chasing rabbits— “I know, little one, and I am sorry.” Svandís crosses her arms and looks up at you with those clear blue eyes that are impossible to resist, yet another reflection of her father. You sigh, wiping the dirt from her cheek. Breaking promises never feels good, especially ones made to your young daughter, even if it was to stack stones. “All I need is a few days of rest, and then we can go,” you assure her. Where are you, Eivor?

As though the gods have heard your silent prayers, two long horn blasts echo around Ravensthorpe and the surrounding forests. Shortly after, the longship docks —Eivor and his crew dispersing among the settlement. “Eivor!” You call, waving to him as he nears the longhouse —a smile blossoming on his travel-worn countenance when he sees you and his daughter. Little Svandís darts to her father quick as an arrow. He scoops her up into his arms, pressing short kisses across her cheeks and forehead, laughing as she does. Her arms wrap around his neck as he balances her on his arm.

Eivor places Svandís back on the ground, frowning as he sees the pallor tinting your complexion and the sheen of sweat on your brow. “Are you ill?” He asks, pressing the back of his hand against your forehead before you can give him an answer —your skin is hot to the touch, his frown deepens.

“Spring fever,” you tell him, swatting his hand away, “nothing rest will not solve.” He knows it to be true. A few days rest would see you right as rain, but for now, he’ll take his chances and kiss his wife. Eivor bends down, his lips wind-chapped from the sea and river, but his kiss is gentle and sweet, a way to say I love you without speaking. When he pulls away, he brushes the wisps of hair clinging to your forehead aside and lays a quick kiss there too, sitting next to you.

Svandís’s excitement has already worn away —the pout on her lips is back. If she can’t get her way with you, then she knows her father won’t be able to deny her. “And what is wrong with you, my little shieldmaiden?” Eivor asks, picking Svandís up and setting her on his knee. She crosses her arms, squinting at you —still crestfallen.

“Mama promised she was gonna teach me how to stack stones,” she tells him.

Eivor’s lips curl into a smile beneath his golden beard —longer and shaggier than you are used to seeing. “She was?” Svandís nods. “Well, do you want to know who taught her to stack stones?” He inquires, raising a brow, eyes flitting to you. She looks between you and Eivor, blue eyes wide and questioning. “I did,” he tells her, boastful, smile widening as her arms uncross, already seeing the next question popping into her racing mind. “And my mother taught me when I was just a boy,” Eivor explains.

He strokes back Svandís’s messy braids and looks to you with a wide smile, grateful to have the chance to be the one to teach his daughter the art of making cairns. Eivor reaches for your hand and cranes his head down, blond whiskers tickling your skin before his lips brush against your knuckles. “Let your mother rest, Svandís,” he says, letting your hand go as he stands, shifting Svandís up onto his shoulders, “I know just the spot.”

EIVOR PULLS BACK on the reins of his chestnut horse, bringing the beast to a halt next to a bend in the River Nene. He slides from the saddle, then lifts Svandís, setting her on the riverbank. “First,” he says, freeing a woven sack from his belt, “we must gather our stones.” Crouching down, he picks up a stone, smooth and flat —like a honey cake— and places it in his daughter’s hand, letting her feel the weight and rounded edges. “Look for ones that are smooth and flat,” Eivor explains, knowing those are the ones to make for easy stacking for a young novice. It does not take long for them to fill the small sack with river stones —setting back off for the hilltop.

Cresting the hill reveals a vista to the north, overlooking the river and green rolling hills of Mercia —a calm and quiet place, good for clearing the mind, easing the soul, and stacking stones. Eivor sets Svandís to the ground, lowering the sack of stones too before dismounting —breathing in the crisp spring air, lingering with the scent of wildflowers, honeysuckle, and rain. Eivor eyes the patch of wild daisies growing beneath the shade of an ash tree, thinking they’d make a sweet gift for you to keep bedside.

Turning out the stones, he sits, first watching as Svandís eagerly begins stacking the stones. The short piles fall to shambles with her careless haste, but this is part of the learning process. “Failure is part of it, Svandís,” Eivor consoles when she lets out a frustrated groan, her wobbling tower of stone finally crumbling. He sees his younger self reflected in his daughter’s disappointment, remembering the times when his cairns would teeter and fall. He swore never to bother with them again —his mother laughed, knowing her son wouldn’t be able to stand failing at anything in life. He leans forward, resting a hand on her small shoulder. “Think of it as a test of mind,” Eivor says, tapping her noggin before picking up and reordering the felled stones. “You need patience and perseverance.”

Taking the broadest stone from their collection, he smooths over the ground before them both, knocking away small pebbles and little twigs —creating a good base on which to build. Eivor takes the largest and flattest stone, placing it first. “See?” He says, recalling how his mother first explained it to him. “You want the flattest and largest stones near the bottom to build a strong foundation.” Looking over the scattered stones, he picks another one, setting it atop the first —twisting and flipping to find the best way to place it. He nods for Svandís to try again.

Svandís places another stone atop the two already there, echoing her father’s motion of twisting and turning to find the best place to set it. She looks over her shoulder, seeking assurance and approval, Eivor nods, and the cairn grows taller. Before she places some of the last stones, Eivor stills her hand, hovering over the stack. “Don’t let go until you are certain they will not fall,” he tells her in a low breath. She nods, carefully placing the last three stones. The stack is small —not even reaching the height of his father’s bearded axe— but it stable, unmoving in the wind or Svandís’s excited outburst.

“Just like with everything, it takes practice,” Eivor reminds her, wrapping an arm around her small waist. The first cairns he stacked with his mother and father as a boy were just as unimpressive, but he lived and learned and soon could stack them higher than he was tall. He grins with pride, seeing Svandís smile. “The more you stack, the taller they’ll grow,” he tells her, lifting his hand in the air, “and one day you just might make one tall enough to see the home of the gods.”

Eivor reaches into the small pouch at his hip, pulling out two small red-green apples. “Did Uncle Sigurd ever stack stones with you?” Svandís asks, settling next to Eivor, taking the slice of apple he holds out.

“No,” Eivor laughs, recalling the times Sigurd would bother him while trying to make cairns, “he stole my stones more often than naught and called me troll-toothed.” Svandís giggles. The commotion piques Sýnin’s curiosity from where he circles above on an updraft of wind. Sýnin swoops down, landing on Eivor’s shoulder —the raven’s head tilts this way and that as he observes the short stacks of stones, thinking one to be a good perch. The raven hops down, beats his wings once, and settles atop the last stack Svandís built —preening his blue-black feathers. “Look,” Eivor announces, merry with pride, “you’ve built a cairn sturdy enough for Sýnin to perch.” The raven croaks in agreement, bobbing his head up and down. Svandís leans forward, rubbing Sýnin’s head with one of her fingers, smiling when his croaks turn to soft gurgles.

Looking to the sky, Eivor sees the first dark clouds rolling in from a distance, shrouding part of the sun. It will rain later. “Come, little one,” he says, rising with a soft groan —a reminder he is not so young anymore— “I think it’s time we check on your mother.” He goes to the patch of daisies, taking a handful and severing them from the earth with the throwing axe at his back before whistling to his horse. It is an easy ride back to Ravensthorpe, through the forest, and across a shallow parting in the river.

Stabling the chestnut mare, Eivor kneels outside the fence where Svandís waits, bouncing on her toes. He hands her the small bouquet of daisies so that she may give them to you, though before he can stand, she leaps into his arms, squeezing tight. “Thank you for teaching me, father,” Svandís says, almost a whisper.

Eivor brushes back her hair, kissing his daughter’s forehead, eyes crinkled with his smile. “And I am thankful to have been able to teach you,” he answers, swallowing the lump of heavy emotion rising in his throat. “Now, let's tell your mother about our day,” he says, still smiling, scooping Svandís up when he rises. For a second, Eivor does not move, his gaze skyward to the setting sun, a silent prayer of gratitude on his lips, and a hope that he will live to have many more days like this with his little shieldmaiden.

[ taglist: @angstygunslinger @vanillabeanlattes @withered-poppies @ananriel @itseivwhore @maximalblaze @dynamicorbit @theelvenvalkyrie @xxdearlybeloved @elizabethroestone @elluvians @letsloveimagines @finick94 @wallsarecrumbling @kitkitvm @thedragonqueenfan @callmemythicalminx @edelae @darkravenqueen98 @rhienn-lavellan-rutherford @pat-talks ] if your name is italicized, tumblr would not let me tag you. if you’d like to be added to my Eivor taglist, just let me know!

[crestfallercanyon]

⌛️- what is the longest you’ve worked on a piece of writing

🏚- what is an abandoned wip

-

in the first i‘m really interested because i know you‘ve worked on novels of original fiction before, and i genuinely have no idea how much time might have gone into these projects. (if the topic of original fiction is something you‘d rather not have on your blog here lmk and i‘ll resend the ask without it 💓)

and then the question of abanoned wips i find so interesting because i sometimes think it’s nearly equal in how much it says about our creative process and what writing means to us compared to the stories we actually finish! — i don’t know if you share that sentiment, but i‘m very keen on hearing what you‘d have to say on it in any case!

( — careful sap ahead — as i just generally am keen to hear about any of your thoughts.)

🤍 tea

Thank you so much for the ask!! <3 (and as always, you are far too nice)

⌛️ -- I have no problem talking about the original fiction I used to (and sometimes still) write! I find it a great deal of fun.

So, when it comes to those projects, I can't give an exact number. Gauging from work I've done on certain fics and also some of the work I do for my actual career, I would say I easily spent over 200 hours. Almost definitely more on the two books I finished. I tend to be long-winded, and the whole reason I got into fanfiction was to practice my story pacing because I used to have major problems with it, so chapters were often overwritten and took too long. That and I often would rewrite everything. One book took me about three years to finish the first draft (over the span of five years I was working on it) (and it still needs so much editing). So, I'm pretty confident in 200+.

🏚 -- an abandoned wip. I always like to believe I'll finish everything, but the one that I can almost surely say I've abandoned is my Newtmas (background Gally/Brenda) longfic Second Sun.

The fic centered around the idea that Teresa had been working on a second project (Project: Second Sun) for treating the Flare. It turned on the idea that the Flare dies with its host. The story started with Newt waking up five years later resuscitated in the pod of her design, and her idea had worked. He is cured.

On the otherhand, Safe Haven has failed. Thomas, Gally, and Brenda are back in the states trying to find a new place to bring everyone. However, Thomas's mental stability rapidly declines as it becomes apparent the amount of times WICKED messed with his memory has made a lasting impact. He begins suffering what looks like early onset Alzheimers. Upon Newt's arrival, while he is delighted, only enforces the decline because he can't keep track of when he is.

It was going to be hella angsty. The first half of the story was planned to have Newt learn how to survive on his own and handle people with nefarious intentions. Thomas was going to start frequently hurting Gally in the fits of confusion, Gally letting him due to guilt, until one time he almost kills him. Gally was going to find Brenda's brother's corpse in the house she and him grew up in. The whole shebang.

It's just a very intensive project, and much of what I adore about it I have transferred into other ideas, so I no longer feel the need for this fic in particular. Maybe one day I'll refurbish it and come back, but, I think it's pretty safe to say that I won't ever write it in full. I only got through chapter 2, so.

Thank you so much for the ask!! Hope this satisfied your curiosity! :D

Writers Ask Game

[nervousmendes]

Unsent Part 1 - Shawn Mendes

shawn x reader

a/n : so I'm finally back afer a really long break and I've been so excited to edit and post this one. I should also mention that is my first time writing angst so please be kind. any feedback would be much appreciated!

warnings : none, just 1.5k words of amateur angst and heartbreak

find more of my work : masterlist

It was a pleasant Saturday, the sun was long gone and the moonlight that spilled through the window was just enough to relax you while you worked on your research paper. Doing a PhD was never easy, and now that classes were going on in full swing, you were almost convinced that it was impossible. Your days mostly just consisted of you going to classes, working on essays, trips to the library and maybe watch a little Netflix before you hit the sack. It was a routine now, and you were always used to this life. You found your calm in the chaos whenever you could talk to your boyfriend who was touring somewhere in some city across the ocean. With your time zones never matching and him constantly traveling it was impossible to keep up with his schedule but you both did your best to stay as connected as possible.

When tour first kicked off, you missed Shawn so much. You hated the distance and you spent hours on end talking to him on facetime, blowing kisses and whining about wanting "virtual cuddles". It was a nightly ritual for the two of you to facetime immediately after his show, and since he was still in America at the time, it was easier to find a way to talk when you were both free. Even when you'd be too busy looking into your laptop screen while he was performing for thousands of excited teenagers every other night, there was some kind of warmth, some affirmation, that at the end of the day it was always going to be the two of you together until forever. Even though the physical distance made you sad, your relationship with him never seemed to burn out. Your love for each other was always so strong that the thought of being apart from each other never threatened your relationship.

But things shifted with time and the routine facetime calls went from after every show to every alternate show and then to every few days. You'd only text each other once or twice a day and it always felt like it was just for the sake of it. Sometimes you would go about your entire day and only realize before going to bed that you hadn't thought of him or spoken to him once throughout. You now knew more about him through his Instagram stories than you did from what he told you about tour. The quick ‘I love you’s exchanged before hanging up felt more mechanical than natural. Of course it hurt you, it made you feel guilty and made your heart ache at the same time, but you knew deep down that he was feeling that way too. It's not like he remembered to text you every single day either. It now turned into a subconscious competition of who would start the conversation first. Every text was thought out, typed, backspaced and rephrased. It felt like you didn't know each other as well as you once did. You would overthink not knowing whether a read receipt would do or a reply would be more reassuring. Everything seemed different, and not at all in a good way. As much as you hated to even think of it, a part of you felt that maybe you didn't love him anymore but your heart would never let you admit that.

You often went to bed not feeling sleepy at all, replaying all the memories from the initial stages of your relationship. The giddy first date, the awkward first kiss, the butterflies, the cheesy gifts and all the sneaking around. It felt like you were both different people back then. And maybe you just grew up or grew out of it, but does real love ever fade away? Does it suddenly empty itself and leave a void in your heart? How does it just make everything go away? You always thought, no you knew that he was the one. You still remember eighteen months ago at the fair, when he went down on one knee holding a huge stick of cotton candy in his hand, asking you to be "his honorable girlfriend until the end of time" and promised to never break your heart, you kissed him with everything in you right outside the Ferris wheel knowing in your heart that you already kind of wanted this forever. He had always been the one.

You both appreciated the little things, it was kind of what built your relationship with him. The reassuring glances from across a crowded room that made you uncomfortable, the hand around your waist when a distant friend would be “too nice” to you or the way his fingers played with your hair after a long, disheartening day were some of the many things you loved about your relationship with him. You always felt the need to be physically connected to him and it was almost common knowledge that Shawn's love language too was touch. You desperately missed the way his hand would automatically lace with yours while you walked together and the warmth it spread in you when his hands would go to the back of your neck to leave a tender kiss to your lips. And when one of you had a rough day, the other would kiss the stray tears away and you would both hold each other so tight until your ragged breaths would slow down and your hearts would beat to the rhythm of each other's pulse. All of that now felt like a distant memory, it was like you had him and lost him at the same time. Everything you once had with each other slipped right through your fingers. You would kill to go back in time and figure out anything you could've done differently to give this all a miss because the thought of even having to talk about the collected weight on both of your chests physically pained you. What if this was over? And even if it's not, what if there's nothing left to give? How were you going to go on knowing he's not yours anymore? While you learnt to live a life without him, you never once forgot that he would come right back to you. And now maybe he won’t and there’s nothing you could do about it. So many questions and so many thoughts ran through your head as you were still staring at the text you received about five minutes ago.

Hey I landed sometime back. On my way to Pickering. See u tomorrow?             - Shawn

No “babe”. No “honey”. Nothing about the movies he watched on the flight, or the occasional "Omg we're SO watching it together". It was a plain text just to keep you informed. Mechanical. You thought back to the last time he came home from tour, when he first showed up at your door and pushed for you to come spend the weekend with him and his family in Pickering. Gone were those days when he'd ring you up as soon as he had service on his phone again to tell you how tiring the flight was or how much he hated the food, and on hearing that you would order his favourite pizza before he got home. You read and re-read the insipid words on your screen and after a lot of thinking, with a doubtful mind, you typed out a simple response. 

Yes. Hope your flight was okay, get some rest tonight!

After humming and hawing for long enough, you hit send and patiently waited for the thumbs up he left under your text as an instant response. His lack of interest in continuing the conversation did sting, but you quickly pushed it away considering the fact that you were going to meet him the very next day and he’d clearly already had a tiring flight back to Toronto. You shifted around, pulling your blanket closer up to your face and just as you turned away and closed your eyes, the screen of your phone lit up again.

We need to talk, don't we... - Shawn

Shawn sat in his car parked outside his childhood home, right leg bouncing unconsciously and staring intently at the text he had just sent. He patiently waited for it to go from 'delivered' to 'read'. But it didn't. His bouncing leg was now shivering and the words he regretted typing out were staring right back at him. His fingers trembled over the screen, and with a shaky breath he unsent the message without giving it another thought. He took his bags and walked up to Karen and Manny at the door smiling widely as he silently thanked technology for saving him. But little did he know that your eyes were on the screen of your phone as you read those nauseating words under his contact name, and then watched the pop up disappear a minute after.

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

I'm already working on part 2 and I can't wait to post it soon!! hope you liked this <3

dm me or reply to get added/removed from my taglist.

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[indigobackfire]

Bernago ? 1,2 and 5 👀👀👀✨

Thanks, babe 😘💖

1. Which one is the better cook?

None of them have honorable mentions in the kitchen, but from her time spent in the kitchens with Jae and the fact she didn't grew up with a house-elf like him (his family's filthy rich in my hc), she's the better cook of the two.

Over the years, he develops a hand for cooking cause work doesn't always allow her to do it and his acute sense of smell comes in handy in the kitchen.

2. What do their love letters look like?

Crack knuckles, alright alright, I love "writing letters", sorry if this is too long.

Barns to Indie - He's a story teller at heart, love letters aren't exactly 'love letters' cause he lacks the words to talk exclusively about love, he likes telling stories and interweaving his feelings between the happenings. She has kept every single letter he has ever sent to her.

❝ The heat here in Nevada is unbearable for a Scot like me, may I add. We were in search of desert creatures, here they have plenty. I was excited before we left the house but as soon as I was under that scalding sun... Long story short, I got lost, also forgot my wand with Holland. To nobody's surprise. I couldn't tell where I was, sweating like crazy, and my throat burned. It was in the midst of that, I spotted a Blood Serpent, they're really rare, hard to be seen cause they're only found in the hottest places on earth, Volcanos, that fucking desert.

But that wasn't the thing that made my heart beat out my chest. It was its vivid red color, so red it almost hurts the eye. Red like your hair under sun. I was thirsty, I was going into heat stroke, my friend later told me, thing is I started hallucinating you there, lying on the hot sand like it was nothing, brown skin glowing. I kept asking what were you doing there, but you only laughed.

I was lucky the snake didn't come for me - they're not called Blood Serpents just for their color -, but even if it did, even if I had died in that hell of a desert, I would've died insane and happy cause that's what the sight of you does to me. What is it about you, about this love I feel for you that even as I'm dying, I couldn't ask for anything else? Even as lost all strength, I'd still stand on my knees for you? What rare burning creature are you? ❞ (1992/3)

❝ I've been itching for days to tell grandma about you, so last night I did it. I was surprised at how she listened quietly to me, not very usual of her to listen to anything I say without making a comment about it.

And it was the longest conversation I've had with her in years - even though I was the only one talking. It's hard not talking about every hour I've spent with you. She only asked me about your blood status and I told her I didn't know and she said she wasn't surprised about me not knowing something and... other insults. Little does she know, I know nearly everything in the subject of Indigo Silverwood and I feed in the memory of her like I'm in my own mental Honeydukes.

I'll talk to the walls about you, to the rats in the basement, to the bugs outdoors, to the muggles of the village nearby, to the bloody trees, but I will not shut up. I can't. Your name, it fills me with warmth. It burns inside me. Indigo Indigo Indigo.

Happy Easter, love, I'll be dreaming of your smile. I'll write you again soon enough. ❞ (1989)

//

Indie to Barns - Indigo's letters are closer to a stream of consciousness that fluctuates between her views on love and her raw feelings. Her letters often leave him dumbfounded and breathless.

❝ I should be thankful for such a break from all the chaos, especially from Merula, especially from Peeves. But then I'd have it all back just to be with you. It's only been six days, but your absence is felt. Things happen and my first thought is 'I gotta tell Barnaby and Rowan', but there's no you, there's no Rowan. Good thing the break will end soon so I can have your kisses again. I took for granted how wonderfully dazed they made me feel.

Please don't make your grandma too mad, I know the effect her words have on you and I hate to see you down. I know it's difficult for you, but try to read some and don't procrastinate on your home work. Be sure I'm always thinking of you, every waking hour. Remember you're mine, remember I'm yours. ❞ (1989)

❝ I hope this time apart it's not wrecking you like it's doing me. I keep writing that I 'gotta confess', but a confession is of hidden things and this is no secret, seeing you again has set ablaze the flame I've been trying to put out for years. I adore you and you know it too well. Your trip to American has sent me into a poor state, literally. I've fell ill for the past three days and I can't seem to get over this fever and this weakness.

I'm writing back so soon in hopes it'll ease my agony. I want you, Barnaby and every word of affection you've ever said to me rings in my ear and makes me shake. The thought of your body, of your kiss, of your smell sends my mind spinning out of control. The memory of your eyes makes me smile like an absolute fool. Two weeks feel like two decades when I yearn for your presence this much.

Don't worry about me, I'm sure I'll get better soon, grandma is being an angel and taking awfully good care of me. But think of me. However you want. Dream of me. Want me. Love me. ❞ (1992/3)

5. How many kids they’ll have?

Only one! Sawyer, born in 2002. Indigo did get pregnant shortly before the 2nd wizarding war began but she lost the baby during the battle. She didn't have an easy time succeeding with her pregnancy endeavors, either because of him or herself, they never look deep into that, but it gets harder with her battle injuries. It's almost a miracle Sawyer came along.