#I've been thinking about Tumblr a lot every since I deLETED MY BLOG

[thevegetablewhichnoonedaresname]

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[romanarose]

Not a Goodbye...

But a shift.

I will not mince words, things are shit right now in the Pedro Pascal fandom.

For me though, nothings been the same since April. My notes DROPPED and never recovered. I'v been blocked by pages I never interacted with and people who used to be mutuals want nothing to do with me.

Things Ive been informed I've been blocked for is darking dark, using adult shoes in a header that everyone said were kids feet (they weren't), being Jewish so I must support genocide (im not im a hopeful convert and I've been very vocal about the genocide), supporting a terrorist organization and being anti semetic (I'm not, again, hopeful convert and I'm very vocal about anti semitism), fetishizing gay men as a "girl" (I am not a girl) etc.

It's just not fun anymore.

The Pedro fandom has given me a LOT. I've met many, many wonderful friends here who are just great people and friendships I hope last. Even ones that dont i value forever.

But i think my time here isn't what it once was. I feel safer and happier in the oscar issac side, or blogging about bruce springsteen, or star wars. I've decided to reshift my focus back to OScar Isaac/Triple frontier writing.

What will change?

Not a lot to start. In fact you might see even more P boy content at first! I have a few things I wanna finish writing. I need to finish blessed by the fruit, and a few WIPS i have, including super angsty Joel's

ROF will continue but Im gonna keep writing laregly TF fanfiction so that wouldn't change

You'll still see Frankie around as i love TF but it maybe more FishBen. Sorry to everyone who says I fetishize gay men ig

I might write more on characters around p boys. Tommy Miller, Steve murphy

And if I have an idea I love, if I wanna write it, I'll write it!

Currently I have 2 joel one shot wips i wanna get out

I deleted the tumblr app, I need to decompress. Im still here with my laptop when im at home, but less access. Just for a day or a few, nothing big.

I wanna work on my original works, including Mariposa and my TWW rewrite, stolen lullaby! I'll be posting less between that, the Zine, and this semester ill be in school full time and working full time plus part time.

follow @romana-updates to keep updated.

I love each and every person I've made friends with or interact with around this side of tumblr! If you dont wanna follow me due to lack of joel coming up, thats okay! I hope you had fun while you were here!

[halfmoth-halfman]

Leaving this blog.

With my mini-series finishing up soon, I've decided to leave this blog as well as my AO3 account once it’s finished. This is not a decision I've made lightly, but circumstances have left this a place where I no longer feel safe.

As of now, I won't be deactivating this blog and will be leaving my fics up for anyone who'd still like to read them. I can't say this decision won't change later, but right now I feel that I've put too much work into this blog to simple delete it.

Below the cut is an explanation of why I'm making this decision, and what has been happening on this blog since the end of last year. It's not required to read or anything to understand the gist of this post; it's simply for my own peace of mind knowing that I spoke up about it. There will be topics that are possibly triggering such as harassment, threats, and racism so please mind the warnings and tags.

The mini-series is queued to finish next week, but there will be no more fic polls or wip wednesdays. I'll still be on here to make sure the queue does its job, and maybe post some stuff from my old drafts as a last bit of fun.

I'll have dms tentatively open for the next two-ish weeks for those who'd like to follow my new account, however I will not be answering anything from empty blogs. After that, asks and dms will be turned off, and I won't be coming back to this blog very often, if at all.

I cannot say thank you enough to the wonderful readers I've had and the amazing people I've met. I don't think I would've ever continued writing without your support and friendship. There's nothing I can do to show my appreciation for all of you.

Maybe we'll see each other again. If not, I hope your inspiration is always flowing, and 2024 treats you kindly.

Mothie 💜

Again, TW: rape/death threats, violent racism, repeated harassment, and mental health.

Back in November, I started getting rude, mean-spirited anons. It wasn't anything I was too bothered with because it didn't happen often and, honestly, my inbox gets flooded for a week or so anytime I post about certain topics. I blocked, deleted, reported and moved on thinking whoever it was would get bored and leave.

However, what started as a few rude anons calling me a bitch or stupid turned into a lot of anons being vile and racist which only worsened over the next few months.

I spoke about it in this post (link) near the end of November. In that post, I mentioned that those were the nicer asks and that was not an exaggeration. I have gotten my fair share of shitty anons as seen here (link) when I had to take a break from my blog because of said anons, but I have never gotten the amount of vitriol that I saw in these asks.

When I turned anon off, I started getting even worse messages from empty blogs that would either be blocked or deactivate within a week. When I turned my askbox off, I started getting hateful DMs. When I turned DMs off, it jumped from Tumblr to my other social medias which I had to private, completely avoid, or outright delete.

I got messages attacking my writing, calling me slurs, threatening to find me and rape or kill me, sending me explicit porn and rape videos while insulting my sexuality, and going into gross detail about how much people I interacted with hated me or how I would never be as good as them. I tried to power through it, pretending everything was fine while I pulled away from this blog, from writing, from friends that I loved and talked to every day. Everything about this blog, the fandoms I enjoyed, the people I talked to, made me so anxious because of these constant messages.

I took several breaks while dealing with this in therapy, repeatedly trying to come back and get comfortable on this blog, but within a few days of coming back the messages would start up again, either here or on any of my social medias I tried to unprivate, and I couldn't deal with it.

Only in the last week or two has it started to slow down and stop on a few of my other socials, which is the only reason I even feel comfortable making this post. However, in regards to this blog and my feelings toward it, the damage is done.

I don't think I can ever truly convey how isolating this has been. So many of these messages were about how I've spoken about my struggles as a black woman in fandom, how much of a burden it puts on the people who interact with me, how inferior I am to them and that I am everything that's wrong with fandom.

I felt scared and anxious to talk to anyone about this, especially people mentioned in those messages, out of fear that this harassment would jump to them. There are friendships that I stepped away from that I will never get back because of that. There are friends that I've felt like I was betraying by never telling them about what was happening because I felt too ashamed about letting this get to me.

I constantly worried that making a post like this would feel like, "Oh, Mothie's whining and trauma-dumping into the void about fandom racism again", that those messages would be right and it would force people to feel like they had to support me. Or worse, that people would agree and it would only make things worse. I've wrestled with so much guilt trying to decide to make this post and figure out what to do to make me trust myself again.

Ultimately, I don't think I was wrong for talking about my issues in fandom, and I don't think anything I've said has warranted this kind of harassment. I don’t know the who’s or why’s behind of this, but I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never really know. Truthfully, I'm not sure it even matters at this point. In the end, I think moving on from this blog entirely would be the best thing for me right now.

But, man, does it fucking suck.

This was the blog where I felt comfortable enough to start writing again, to start posting my fics. It's the blog where I met so many friends, got the courage to join new communities, found new hobbies, new music, new things to enjoy in life. It feels silly to say about a blog, but this was a place where I felt like I was able to carve out a space for myself. I put so much work into making it my own, and now the only thing I feel about it is anxious.

Hate messages and threats and racism have always been a part of fandom, and the internet as a whole. I’ve known since I started participating in fandom spaces that it was going to and continue to happen. I've known that I had to have a tough skin, especially if I ever spoke up about problems I faced because no one was going to have my back if I didn't have my own. I thought I had learned how to deal with it, and how to make a safe space for myself. But this goes beyond that. I did not deserve this. No one deserves this.

In some ways, it feels like admitting defeat, like I'm weak or hypocritical for not being as strong as I pretended I was and leaving. In other ways, it feels freeing to start over, and I'm choosing to view look at this optimistically even if it bittersweet. I don't want to let this scare me away from writing or from speaking about things that are important to me. All I can do now is say I'm so incredibly sorry to those I've hurt by stepping away or keeping this secret, and make sure I'm able to at least leave this blog on as happy a note as I can have.

[incorrectfmaquotes]

Today marks 6 years since I started this blog!

Thank you all for following! Whether you followed back in October 2017 or earlier today, I appreciate every single one of you.

And for some other things I wanna say, which I don't think affects anyone and isn't exactly news, especially to anyone who might be paying attention, but more just me acknowledging it: I haven't really been attending to this blog that much in the past couple of years, but especially this one. I've largely just let the queue run and fill it up with older quotes every couple of months. I made this blog when I was in high school and had more free time; I am now something that somewhat resembles an actual adult (if you squint maybe) with more Adult Responsibilities and Situations (but as I have unfortunately realized, adulthood does not erase feeling teenage emotions all that much). I've had less time and frankly less bandwidth to devote more time to this blog - especially to create quotes at the rate I did the first 3 years. And something that has hindered me even more in attending to this blog and is in part why I started to do so was that starting around 2020, a lot of times, I could not open my inbox, direct messages, or activity page on this site. I don't know if the culprit of that was my browser, my old laptop, or our famously well-functioning website Tumblr, but this would frequently happen and would do so for weeks at a time. I'm not saying this was the only reason why there have been unanswered asks and submissions for years (see above: increasing Adult Situations and the Toll they have taken on me), but that certainly played a heavy hand.

I'm in some new circumstances and over the past couple weeks, they have been a bit more stable and consistent - I've actually made about 85 new incorrect quotes and have put them in the queue, an amount I don't think I've been able to manage since the early months of 2020 before quarantine. Opening the inbox and DMs seem to be less of a problem lately, so I've also put in the queue a good amount of those submissions I've had sitting in my inbox for a while and will try to do more, though unfortunately some of the blogs that have submitted quotes have since been deactivated. I'm going to try to answer some asks in the coming days, but again, a lot of these are months and years old, and a part of me feels a bit awkward only just responding now and I'm wondering if it's respectful at all, but I still wanna do it.

That is to say, even though I am in a more manageable situation, I'm not promising that I am now going to attend to this blog like I did in the beginning, or even that much more than I have the past few years. I have learned that circumstances can change with no notice at all. I'm also not saying there's no guarantee that I'll be even less present here or won't stop running this blog altogether when the current queue runs out - not that I'm planning on it, but I can't completely rule that out as a possibility. But even if I ever stop attending to this blog, I don't think I'll ever delete it altogether, if you're worried about that.

So, thank you for sticking around with this blog for the past 6 years! And for sticking with this post that got a lot longer than I thought it would be. This post probably sounds like a whole lot of nothing, but I still wanted to say it, and I thank you for putting up with it. Hope you have a good day! 💕💕💕

[spiralingnoodle]

Since we're on the train of not clogging the TMA tags with posts about The Magnus Protocol, let's also please stop tagging posts from your RP blogs with the character tags.

Reblog so this reaches more people in the fandom and those who may need to see it can see it.

If you do this, I don't hate you. But please let's be mindful.

I know you want your blogs to be noticed and to get interaction, but tagging every rp post with a main character/fandom tag only clogs said tags with RP posts. Not only that, but many use heavily edited fonts and that, I've been shown, breaks text-to-speech horribly. It makes disabled people's browsing of the tags very difficult because (as said by disabled friend) "every five post, I get a scrambled nonsense audio that takes like 3 minutes to read on the text-to-speech, let alone try to read it by myself with my poor eyesight to figure out if it's and actual fandom post, RP or what".

I hate making these posts because I feel like a bit of an asshole, like, I know most of you aren't doing that to cause trouble or to intentionally clog the tags, but it's difficult to browse non-RP posts when the tag is half-flooded with RP posts. Please stop doing this and remove the main tags from your previous posts (there are ways to mass delete a tag, I think it's ab X-kit thing!).

I've spoken to other people who are also noticing this issue and as a former roleplayer I felt I should speak up.

(Also, please if you know someone who does this, do not send hate to them. This is not a post to incite that. This is just me sharing tumblr RP etiquette from back in the day when I used to RP here in several fandoms. Do tell them, politely, but do not harass or be disrespectful)

Tumblr has no algorithm, and yet half of the posts from character tags I follow are from RP blogs even though I don't follow any nor have liked/reblogged their posts. How? Because these blogs tag their asks, their starters, their IC posts WITH THE MAIN CHARACTER TAGS AND THE MAIN FANDOM TAGS.

As a former tumblr RPer, I'm asking you not to do this. Instead I bring you a suggestion. What can you do instead of tagging your RP posts?

Make a promo post.

Yes! A promotional post of your blog with all the info, you can even add an edit (but please ask for permission if you use someone's art and credit them). Kind of an intro to your blog so people know "ah, I might like following this person's RP" or "cool! I'd like to RP with them!". I did this a lot and it helped enormously! And yes, you may tag these with the main character/fandom tag, but they're ONE post. They won't clog the tags like tagging every single one of your RP/asks.

[thana-topsy]

Ok I gotta come out and say it. I envy you. Like, to a painful extent. The amount of people you get interested in your characters, how you're incredibly skilled in both visual art AND writing, how readers your fics have. I absolutely adore your work, but seeing it fills me with so much envy it's honestly ridiculous.

Did you deal with similar feelings towards other creators when you started writing fic by any chance? If so, how did you deal with those feelings? I feel genuinely stuck feeling worthless about my fics. I'm not as verbose with my language despite over 10 years of writing under my belt and it seems as though my plots don't interest people as much either. So I feel like there's just nothing of worth about any of my work.

I know that this is a lot to dump on you, but I felt like I would burst keeping this all in. Much love to you and I hope you have a wonderful New Year!

Hey there my friend, I've been sitting with this all day trying to decide how I want to answer you. I genuinely appreciate your honesty, because I know this is a familiar feeling for a lot of people, myself included.

I remember when I first rejoined Tumblr in early 2019, desperately trying to find anyone to talk to about TES, I would look at all these blogs gettings asks about their OCs like they were little celebrities and feel envy and longing. Now, when these feelings start to bubble up, I force myself to take a break from sharing my work, be it art or writing, if only to remind myself why I'm creating it and who I'm creating it for: myself. I know it sounds cheesy, and I probably sound like a broken record, but genuinely I just do this because it's bursting out of my skull. But I won't lie and say the engagement and the support doesn't have a big impact on my motivation. I love sharing with people and getting an enthusiastic response.

I think something people might not realize, or maybe they just forget, is that I used to write a lot of smut. Like...a lot of smut. (I still do). Hahaha and it doesn't get a lot of comments or engagement, but it does draw a lot of eyes. Once my smut stories started taking on heavier plotlines, a comment I'd get a lot was "came for the porn, stayed for the plot." And I wasn't writing smut because I thought it would get me an audience, I was just horny LMAO. But it encouraged me to branch out and experiment with the types of stories I was telling.

Anyways, art is another big part of it, yes. But that also didn't get a lot of engagement in the beginning, and my skills were rusty as hell. I was getting maybe 15 notes on here, 30 likes on instagram. But that didn't really matter to me, I was just insane with inspiration. I'd reach out to people and ask to do art trades, got ghosted a lot, made some good friends, (some people who are still my good friends to this day!). But it took a lot of risks, and I made a lot of accidental enemies and learned a lot of hard lessons. But having visuals to go with the stories I'm writing is like advertisement in its own way. I'm just lucky enough to hyperfixate on this shit like it's my lifeblood. I've always obsessively drawn my favorite characters, ever since I was a wee bab. Long before social media was a factor or the words "content creator" even existed.

And I think that's what it all comes back to. Above all else, do what you do with unbridled joy. If someone else finds joy alongside you, all the better! Even if it's just one person. Take risks, make friends, make enemies, draw that blorbo unapologetically and with wild abandon. Love what you create, even when it's bad. Even when it makes you cringe years later, don't delete it. Even when people try to find every reason to hate what you do and who you are. Don't stop.

Every act of creation is bringing something into the world that didn't exist before you made it. And that alone gives it worth.

Happy New Year!

[ask-nijiro-nanase]

IMPORTANT MOD POST

TW: mentions of scu/cide, de/th threats, light homophobia, hate talk and generally harsh language and themes please read at your own discretion (this was hastily put together because I have work in like ten minutes please ignore spelling errors im stressed)

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So this happened i guess, these are screenshots i took from the past few days of hate asks i have been receiving for the past week and a notification screenshot i got from around when i started receiving these, and a photo of an ask i got that I had sent to a friend joking about this person consistency of sending me a hate comment several times a day, every day. I made a strict rule for myself that id just delete hate asks and not let them bother me and I have been, at the start i simply deleted these asks and hoped this person (who i assume is the same person repeatedly sending in these using the anon feature) would get bored and leave me alone, which obviously they didn't /: i feel pretty crappy since i kept telling myself that i was just going to ignore and delete these anon asks over and over again but here i am, not ignoring them breaking my own rule, it's only been around five days of this which seems kinda pathetic ig at least it feels pathetic that i couldnt just ignore this person but i have been getting around anywhere from one to six asks a day like this depending on the day, when this first started i was getting a lot of them which I just deleted but as time has went on the asks have reduced to two or three a day but it hasnt stopped completely

over the time I have actually been receiving this I quickly noticed that these are baseless comments, something you could say to hate on pretty much anyone with a roleplay blog. There were no specifics, and also I don't use tumblr ver often so it's not like i really interact with people on here outside this blog, this person does not know me and I certainly don't know them i've kinda been stewing with my thoughts and overthinking on why I started receiving hat and maybe this is completely out there and a wild guess but this person could want attention on them, even if their anon they know that this post I'm making right now, is about them, or they might just want to start shit, honestly I could be completely off and maybe this person had some weird personal motive what do i know at this point???

with the time I've been giving myself thinking about this I have just gotten really in my head and I was very worried that maybe making a post and acknowledging this anon would almost be encouraging the behaviour? and kinda the only reason I'm actually talking about this now is because I'm going to be taking a small break, I am okay ofc, just think a small break would be good for me but this means I probably wont even be checking my ask box or really responding to any messages, comments, reblogs, I'm just going to step back for a little while and focus on other things in my life that need my attention Touching on a few topics from the last time this was an issue with a different blog, the character and I are minors, you're threatening a CHILD even if I wasn't under 18 these are still just horrible things to say to someone and I really really don't want this to be a common thing or a consistent issue because I like doing this, it's fun and I enjoy talking to people on here, anon or not, I'm sure a lot of the other people who have rp blogs do as well and people like this shouldn't ruin that for them, let people do what they want to do on here it isn't disrupting or hurting anything. I'm honestly just dumbfounded I guess to why this even happening? I don't thing I've done anything 'disgusting' 'gross' or otherwise wrong, i really don't want to turn anon off because I love talking to the really nice people who interact with me on anon and I don't want to ruin it for those incredibly kind people because of one person making some nasty comments

If the person who sent me those asks is reading this, please please know that this isn't the right way to get attention or feel better about anything, in general it does nothing good of any sort, it genuinely can hurt people and if you're doing it because you actually feel that way about roleplay blogs, just block those blogs it's really not that hard. Sending in hateful messages like that doesn't give you any sort of good attention, this is something serious and horrible to do and I pity you because something must have brought you to think this is just okay? normal? It's not it's pathetic and I hope that one day you can understand how much your words could affect the people around you. personally i like to think I'm not someone who can be super effected by words, especially online since I know people will be a lot harsher when hiding behind a screen, but to think you could've said this to someone who was genuinely really struggling with their mental health and could've taken your comments to heart is sickening, please reflect on yourself because this behaviour is not only childish but cruel.

--

and to anyone that sent in asks recently I'm super sorry I haven't been able to reply, I have a lot on my plate right now, super busy not only with mid-semester tests and projects coming up due but I have work on top of that and I really haven't found time to answer them, I quickly just wrote up this post so there are probably spelling errors but I'm way too burnt out to fix them right now have a good day and take care of yourself everyone I don't know when I plan on revisiting this blog but I shouldn't be away for too long, promise also sorry if this whole post is just me kind of rambling I just feel kinda lost and I don't even really know how to go about this, ive never done a rp blog before and i have never received hate on any of my blogs before i have no idea what im even doing at this point

[rookthorne]

...why hello there, my chaos kittens.

I’m about to post one of the most personal things I have ever posted beneath this cut, but I kind of feel like I need the closure and saying this may help me. there are talks of disability, negative headspace, and overall a sombre tone.

I know it’s not my normal content, but it just is what I’ve been feeling.

TLDR: I’m coming back after a long, unannounced and unplanned hiatus.

I've had quite a long time to stop and collect my thoughts about the future of my blog, and if I am honest with you all, I came very close to deleting. a lot of things went wrong in my life with my health, etc. and due to that, I was in a really dark spiral.

the past few months have been hell, to say the least.

thankfully I've had the best people to pull me out and hold me steady and keep me afloat until I got my feet underneath me. the days aren't always easy and my new diagnoses don't make it exactly a cake walk, but if it wasn't for my circle I wouldn't be here typing this. if I could give them the world I would, but they are my world.

a lot of things have changed for me in all aspects, and due to that I have decided that while it will be very different, I am coming back to writing and tumblr as a whole.

I miss the hobby that opened me up, and while it has been close to 3 months since I have been able to write, and I likely will not be posting any new fics for some time, I still miss where I made my home.

I honestly think a huge part of what went wrong and what sent me down that spiral was creative burnout. writing has been my escape consistently for the past 2 years, and while that is not a long time at all, with my disability (god, it's hard acknowledging that now) I can become extremely and extensively exhausted beyond what should be possible. I know I only have myself to blame in a way, but I learnt my lesson and from this point on I'm going to take it a lot easier on myself.

please be patient with me while I reacquaint myself with this and the fandom, I'm so far behind and in my isolation, I have lost a lot of confidence. the love for writing was torn away but I am slowly, slowly patching it back up and holding it close. to those that have reached out and to those that have and I haven't managed to get back to just yet, please know that your love and support has been what's carried me through this. I know I have neglected a lot, and I have possibly lost a lot too, but I will forever say that I am beyond grateful to those that have stuck with my dumbass. I am making every effort I can to reach out to those that I haven't replied to, but it is taking a lot of time to build the confidence to talk.

but for now, I look forward to catching up on what I have missed, and let's see what mischief we can get up to. 🩷

[cixel-jewel]

👋🏾 Hello everyone.

It's been forever since I've been on here. And I wanted to apologize for it. But I'm not 100% sure if I'm going to come back.

When I started this blog, it was so much fun drawing soft bellies and fluff, and I'm sure you've all enjoyed it as well. You all loved Ronnie, Eugene, and Azai so much and I can't thank you all enough for it. The art raffle with y'alls oc's and the stuffing drive for Eugene was so much fun too! Managing the blog itself had become a lot to handle however.

I hadn't known how to properly use tumblr back when I started, with default pfps specifically. I had originally thought that it was just users with no pfp. But with learning that most of them could've been bots I started blocking away. At that time default pfps had liked my old art posts and it was taking forever to block them. It was getting overwhelming. (its easy blocking blogs with no age/not 18+ -- as any nsfw blog should think. 👀)

Along with that, with my current living situation I don't have as much time to draw like I want to. I've tried to convince myself to gather the courage and leave said situation- and combined with CPTSD, severe anxiety and AUdhd, it's almost impossible. Especially without a support group irl that could help get me out of it. (hopefully ill get out of it soon :> )

And belly kink in general isn't in my mind constantly like it used to. I mean, I still LOVE IT don't get me wrong. But it's hard for me to actively draw it out without it in my mind. I made this blog so that I can passionately enjoy it- not turn it into some chore.

With all of these things combined, I would have periods where I wouldn't post for months at a time. Which I absolutely hated. But as time went by I realized that I didn't have this blog on my mind as much anymore and couldn't easily get back on it. Hence this post. I couldn't leave this blog without some sort of explanation, it wouldn't be fair to just delete it out of the blue and leave y'all confused. As of right now, there is no set date for when I actually leave and delete the blog. I'm still thinking about it. But if I were to come back fully invested- I'd make a new blog and start anew. Maybe rebrand a little. Have new characters, more animations and have cool events. But look out for a date on this post just in case you want to save any art or fics of mine for yourself.

I want to thank the few people who have commissioned me and have won in the art raffle. It was so much fun drawing everyone's oc's!! (the most patient people I've ever met omfg). Thank you to the two people who have donated to my KoFi. Those generous commissions and donations have helped me with bills. Thank you to my mutuals who's art gave me the inspiration to start this blog in the first place. And thank you to all of my followers who still check in every now and then, It's been so fun posting art of my characters and engaging with all of you!!

Thank you thank you thank you!!!! I love you all so much!!! - CJ💎

HOPEFULLY... I'll see you all next time. BUT IF NOT - may all of your lives be filled with joy, laughter, and ofc round full bellies :D !!!

DATE OF DELETION: NOT DECIDED YET

[respondedinkind]

Quick (long) update.

|| I know I haven't been around in a hot minute, thought I'd give a quick update.

Sorry for vanishing like this, life has been a little wild recently; I started therapy a few weeks ago, next to me finding joy in a new game where I slipped into the fandom (rather hard lol) and realized that I am, right now, much happier with doing art and creating fics rather than RPing.

This might sound a little odd to some - but the thing is, my brain simply doesnt hold enough energy to do *all* the creative things I want to do. For example: RPing is incredibly fun but also *incredibly exhausting*, and whenever I put a lot of time into RPing, I am literally unable to do art or write fics. It's taking so much of my creative-energy-meter that it's empty quick, leaving me with being frustrated as I don't really get to create anymore.

So I decided to pursue creating art as well as writing fics for now, which means I basically vanished from RP tumblr in return. I know this might be frustrating to some - especially my writing partners - and I want to apologize for that, for said frustration I might have caused.

But it is what it is, and I am not going to change much about it anytime soon. I am actually feeling rather happy about being able to do art, write fics, and *not* worry about writing replies and possibly making partners wait. It's a sort-of-pressure that I've taken off of my own shoulders...

Which is needed right now as I, as mentioned, also started therapy. It's going to be a journey, and I was just diagnosed with general anxiety as well as depression (which could actually be a 'double-depression' on top of it, means it is a chronic depression as well as an 'episodic depression'). It feels... incredibly relieving, in a way, to finally have an official diagnosis and to know that yes, something IS going on with me, I am not just crazy in my head and/or lazy. However, the whole therapy-thing is only going to get harder from here on and I am already working on things that have been talked about, think about them in my head, work with what I have realized about myself and try to handle it.

I do have a whole diagnose-session going on in August for ADHD / Autism as well, which will *also* require a good chunk of my energy. So yeah, things are happening.

Long story short: I decided to put my priorities elsewhere for now, for my own mental health's sake, and my happiness. Reducing stress was *needed*, especially since I am only going to be more stressed while working on me, on my diagnosis, and on all the problems I finally want to be able to figure out and address, possibly solve. ---Something also happened in my private life a couple of months ago that basically, let's call it 'triggered', my sudden energy to finally ask for help after trying to handle everything for literal decades. So yeah. It's been a yeah so far lol.

I want to thank each and every single one of you for having been with me, RPed great stories, formed companionships over weeks and months; I won't delete this blog nor do I plan to 'archive it'. I'll just leave it like this and maybe, who knows, I will return to it (and my other blogs) at some point. I just don't want to put stress on me as in 'I will come back in x day / months', I'll just see where life takes me and when I find the energy to be here again, I will.

I love Khan, love Stephen, love Bones. I haven't lost my love for them, my attention is just elsewhere. (Including that cute game I have been playing, falling in love with some characters...)

I wish you all the best, sending you lots of vibes, happy thoughts, my eternal gratitude and some strength for whatever you need to deal with in your life. Remember that you are loved, that your thoughts are valid, that you are worth it. ♥

-waves-

PS: I do miss you, the people I formed friendships with. I miss you, our RPs, our conversations. In case we have been interacting much on here, but not actually exchanged other ways of staying connected besides tumblr - discord, for example - you are absolutely allowed to hit me up and I'll give you my discord. ♥

[sandshrew]

hi girlies, long time no see. tbh I was just logged out of this account for so long I kinda forgot about it...I logged back in and saw I had a backlog of like, 4k posts....

just spent the past like 20 min deleting them all LOL. sad tumblr doesn't really have xkit or anything anymore to mass select posts, I had to manually select them all....ugh. I just hate having so much history on my accounts tho, I used to say so much embarrassing stuff so I usually try to purge every couple months.

it feels weird to scroll back on tumblr...well, I'm kind of lying. I DO have another tumblr I've been more active (?) on (kinda). I use it as an actual blog tho, to make long, properly written posts and well...blog to myself lol. not the freeform head empty run on posts I usually make here. I have a photoblog I occasionally use sometimes as well, but I'm thinking of just deleting that and having only the longform blog since I enjoy that more. we'll see.

I'm tempted to delete this blog just bc having 3 different tumblr logins is a lot...but like I said, if I delete the photoblog it'll go down to 2 which isn't terrible. idk!

this blog has been with me my whole life basically...well, at least the sandshrew url has. your girl is now 30 and I've had sandshrew since I first made tumblr at like 14/15. I'm very attached to it. Maybe I'll delete this account (that is a remade one anyways) and move the url to my main blog and use it for some kind of pokemon sideblog bc I feel bad having it go to waste...hmm

anyways I feel bad I don't post often here but I truly don't have much to say....says me who just YAPPED this whole post about nothing

ANYWAYS hope you're all doing well <3 I do still often think about all my tumblr friends and mutuals, if anyone is still around I hope life is truly flourishing for you

[cupids-chamber]

PLEASE READ

LET'S TALK, I've done this rant before but it seems people can't take a hint. Thought I'm grateful to receive attention, I think people need to learn the, ever so shocking truth.. that writers are people?!

Each time I release a fic, which is practically every day, I get my asks filled with requests, which is bothersome already, but it quite upsets me because in my pinned, it says and clearly states that my requests are closed. Not to mention that, you can clearly see that people legitimately don't read my pinned or rules when they send these requests (Yes I can tell, it's not that hard) and or the requests come off demanding, so instead of a request it sounds like an order.

Now you may be thinking, "Cupid, can't you just delete the requests?" To that I answer, yes and I have but you fail to see how this impacts me. I'm actually online, almost always and I do see your asks when you send them, but these sort of requests have deflated me to the point where I legit cant write anymore and or have the energy to talk with anyone. If you were to check my tumblr status, it would always say I'm online right now however, because of this happening frequently, it's ruining my personal tumblr experience and I've been here for about an year and have dealt with quite difficult situations, but it has never made me feel this bad.

Because, this shows how much respect an average fanfic writer lacks, please be kind to your writers and be polite when you requests, where artists are praised for their talent (They deserve all of it, I'm serious my artist friends have hands of God I tell you) and meme's/incorrect quote posts are almost always at the top of the tags with quite little effort compared to writing (I'm using the term compared, specifying this since people always find a way to cause a scene) and praised for being funny. Writer's are quite on the shelf when you think about it.

When requesting an art piece that is free, people make sure to ask rather politely and most of the times, they have something nice to say to the artist, once again they deserve it but compared to a writer who keeps requests open, even if they do commissions. We still lack this sort of respect, were providing free content, but it's much less appreciated then other things.

Let me provide another point, from my most popular deuce fic is a crackfic of Deuce discovering chocolate milk, didn't come from brown cows and my latest one is this a yandere fic with a wordcount of 2k, crackfics which took little to no effort on my part, is much more popular than a fic which I spent serious time and effort on. (Both are x readers)

And if that wasn't enough, let's touch the aspect of reblogs a bit.. (Reblogs are what help get posts on the top of tags and or attention in general) I've seen multiple blogs, which reblogged incorrect quote's and maybe even art (Mostly just twst incorrect quotes), but they don't reblog other works, (I'm not attacking meme blogs, they're funny as hell) but If you like something you should reblog it! (Including art), please I've seen many many good writers, fall down hill just because they don't get that attention, since they're so new! Hell I have side blogs other then my spam, in which I reblog a lot of writers & artists works, sometimes I'll reblog a particular post 5 times!

Since I'm going the rabit hole of everything wrong with how writers are treated compared to other contributors in fandoms.. new writers have to deal with ass, I was a new writer at one point, and I've had many side blogs that I do not share on my main blog, and I do not connect the two together. AND LET ME TELL YOU.. You have not seen disrespect when it comes to requests and asks, unless you are a new writer in huge and medium sized fandoms, small ones give you least amount of attention but they appreciate you since well the fandoms so dry of content!

Also nsfw writers, let's talk about them. (I'm not a Nsfw writer but I'm friends with a lot of them, and no I do not read adult blogs content, I only read their fluff, I respect that mdni sign with all my heart) JUST BECAUSE THEY WRITE NSFW DOESNT MEAN THEY'RE A PEDO, just because A WRITER IS 18 AND LIKES A CHARACTER WHO'S 17 DOES NOT MAKE THEM A PEDO, It's fictional, someone I knew got called a Pedo all over for liking Azul as a 18 year old, and they only wrote fluff for him. And also, just because they write Nsfw is not a valid reason to attack them, now if they wrote shotacon and you know things that generally is wrong then there is a reasonable reason to call them out? But when you attack someone for writing nsfw in general, and or hate of them for that. It's stupid, I've seen so many users genuinely hurt by the hate, and others play it off, but it really shouldn't be played off! Also by doing this, it takes away from the actual impact of the word pedo, it's a sensitive topic don't throw it around. Also on that note, many Nsfw writers are actually asexual! (From blogs I've seen in the past, and people I've met) so.. keep that in mind.

I'm beginning to see how off topic I went in this rant, but it's been eating me alive not talking about it. So let's talk about it.. If your against me in any part of this, and have an actual valid argument please feel free to inbox me about it, I know I may be in the wrong, it's just what I've personally seen and want to say, but I'd be more than happy to correct it, if I'm in the wrong. If I do get hate for mentioning this then I'll ignore you. (Most likely, unless I feel the need to add onto something or provide input/context to your ask)

Happy reading, enjoy your night/day!

EDIT: Just found out quick reblogging exists, what is your excuse now, like I'm genuinely asking. If reblogging hurts your precious aesthetic (I say, as I'm a very aesthetic oriented person.. make a side blog!)

[aromantisk-fagforening]

I've been thinking a lot about that controversial poll of mine.

This is something of a discourse post so if you're not in the mood for that this is your cue to scroll.

It really bugged me, getting so much criticism. Kinda because I wasn't sure if the complaints were fair or not. If it was a big deal. If I'd done something wrong. Kinda because I didn't expect it. Kinda because people were rude.

I've already addressed it a bit, mostly in replies (some of which I've since deleted, I don't want to have so much discourse on my blog).

The complaints I got were primarily about the fact that I said "usa moment?" as a comment on the only speaking one language thing. Two different ones I remember very well was one accusing me of being classist for saying it was "normal" to speak 3 languages. Another saying I was calling usamericans stupid by saying all usamericans only speak one language.

Now, for anyone who knows anything about me or doesn't assume bad faith in every case, you might understand that I didn't intend to create either of those impressions. I won't say I don't understand how people came to those conclusions, they're not ridiculous, but they are still extreme interpretations.

I didn't really anticipate people having such strong feelings about language. I forget that many people derive their worth from things like being smart. I do think being offended at the mere association with people who know few languages (I was pretty clearly not saying every usamerican only spoke 1 language, 0 people believe that), is kinda elitist.

I don't really want to take back using my own normal as the normal, but I understand it's probably a bit inflammatory. My poll was obviously intended to be seen by a global (or at least international) audience, so just saying "normal" like that was kinda poorly thought through. I just get so tired from and of the us-centricism of tumblr.

I also do kinda want to point that I am kinda right. The majority of usamericans are only fluent in one language (source) (though because of my definition, I'm sure a lot more usamericans are considered multilingual). And of the countries where the majority of people are monolingual, the USA is where most people are likely to see it. And the reason is a mix of privilege and lack of privilege. It's the privilege of the entire internet, and more, being made for You above all else. And it's because of underfunded language classes, because of politics.

Also to say it outright, even though I've already implied it. I don't think less of anyone for being monolingual; I don't judge monolinguals; I don't think you're dumb for being monolingual. None of that. (I also mostly don't judge people for being dumb, but that's not that relevant here). I think it's cool to know more languages, but it's fine to be monolingual. I am really sad that people felt judged for being monolingual.

Idk if anyone who is going to see this is one of the people who were annoyed by that post, but I just wanted to put it out there. I don't know if the way I've responded is more reasonable, less of something people might get annoyed with and might argue with, but it's a response.

[jewish-sideblog]

Hi, Australian Jew here.

Sending this anonymously because I'm not openly Jewish on Tumblr, however I am considering doing so in the short-term.

I'm sorry to bother you but I wanted to ask you a few questions, if you're open to it (feel free to ignore this if so). Just so you know, I'm asking the same questions of the Jewish bloggers I follow who post regularly - both those who blog about the current Israel/Palestine situation, and those who identify as Jewish but post mainly fandom/other content.

Do you or have you receive/d abuse for being Jewish, or for your stance on the war? If so, how often? How do you respond to any hateful messages? Do you post them publicly or answer them privately? How much would you say your mental health is/has been affected by any messages, or by the content you see on your feed? Have you developed any strategies for handling social media during this time?

Thank you for reading. :-)

Shalom, Aussie chaver!

This is a question I've answered privately a couple of times, and I'm kinda surprised I haven't talked about it more publicly before. Thank you for the opportunity!

Before October 7, I mostly received microaggressions for being Jewish-- especially within goyishe queer communities. That sucked, but nothing I couldn't shake off. Since then, as I'm sure you can assume, it's been a completely different beast. This blog alone receives weekly hate mail, and that can increase to multiple daily death threats if a post I make starts to circulate. Some of that abuse is under the guise of anti-Zionism, but a lot of it is pure bare-bones mask-off antisemitism. 95% of the time, I just delete them and move on with my day. It's difficult to read them sometimes, of course. But there has never once been a hateful ask in my inbox that amounted to even a remotely reasonable critique of my character, of my posts, or of my identity. So they get trashed.

My coping skills for mental health on the internet right now boil down to two things. The first is that, for every death threat I get in my inbox, I get more thank-you notes. I hardly have a big following here, but it's clear that the people who follow me appreciate what I do here. Knowing that I bring more hope, strength, and truth to my Jewish community is what gives me the strength to brush off the hate mail.

My one real strategy for handling social media is the Queue. Oh, G-d, I love the Queue. I'm honestly only on tumblr for like an hour twice a week. It keeps me from the despair and the doomscrolling while still letting me post several times daily. I think my Queue is 50 posts long right now so I could stay offline for two weeks and not have to worry. The side effect is that I often reblog posts which are a week or so old, but as long as I remember not to cue breaking news, it's not that big a deal.

[prismatoxic]

i've told parts of this story before, but bare with me, i'm emotional.

so like, i've had this blog since 2021. my original tumblr blog (made in 2011 iirc) was nuked in 2018 for exactly the reason you think (nsfw ban) and i didn't return for a handful of years because it stung so bad. even when i did, i mostly used twitter.

i started posting to tumblr more regularly when musk's twitter takeover finally pissed me off enough to ditch it. (i have since gone back, sort of, but am not reliably present and mostly just rt art people send me.) i've been pretty consistently here since then, sans a very angry break when all the shit with automattic's CEO happened.

and like... looking through my archives... i only made a dedicated tag for asks last july, even though i've been using an organizational tag system since i made this blog. that's how infrequent they were. my art usually got between 0 and 3 notes. when i left briefly back in january, i deleted every post in my art tag because i didn't want to leave my work here, but also, like... the only things that went anywhere were some of my mgs fanarts. no one owes anyone's work attention, but it didn't feel worth it, you know? like why share it with the public when i can just show it to the like 3 friends i know who care?

i came back partially because i felt... isolated. i have friends on the fediverse and on discord, but tumblr gave me a sense of being in a community, even if i didn't feel like an important part of said community. i missed queuing funny posts to enjoy weeks later, i missed being kept sort of in-the-loop about fandom goings-on, i missed my friends who were still here. (and that last one is also part of why i check twitter more now.)

but that alone wasn't enough, because i was a nobody here and it probably wasn't worth it to try again. but then devot and i started watching dungeon meshi, and i got into chilaios just like i thought i would, and tumblr has the largest concentration of chilaios fanart and posts. not only that, but every post i saw in the tag had so much engagement! i didn't see a single one that went unnoticed, back in february. so i hesitantly came back. i started reblogging chilaios posts. i didn't intend to try and break into the space because i knew it'd just hurt if i went unnoticed again, like i did in other fandoms.

but i made friends, little by little. i started a fanfic. i cautiously began posting my art again. i started writing meta, and shitposts, and replying on other people's posts, and commenting on other people's fics, and now...

that ask tag i mentioned? there are 15 pages of posts with that tag on my blog. only 2 and a half of those pages are asks from before i got into dunmeshi. people talk to me--they care about my thoughts and my opinions, they compliment the things i make. i have a group of like, 30+ people i interact with regularly, many of which i now consider close friends. everything i post gets some attention, no matter what it is.

this isn't a humblebrag, it's just... a thank you. i can't really properly express the depths of the loneliness i've felt in the past. i was an outcast for a long time, and it was way worse pre-2019, but i don't think it's ever fully left me. i've been hurt very, very badly in the past, and i've been abandoned a lot, and i've been ostracized a lot. i've grown into who i am today both in spite of and because of all i've been through, and for that i wouldn't ever change it, but it was still hard.

so today, as i turn 29, seeing asks and gifts pour in to tell me happy birthday, and that i'm appreciated... just, thank you.

if there's one thing you can give me today, it's this: reblog someone's art or writing or meta with some enthusiastic tags. send someone a friendly ask. reply to someone's post to comment on something they've said. write comments on ao3 for the fics that move you, no matter how much or how little you can think of to say.

this is going to sound cheesy as hell, but i genuinely mean it: reach out, and spread joy, whenever and wherever you can. you never know who's in pain, who's lonely or who feels worthless. and if it's you who feels that way, do what you can anyway; a community that isn't afraid to reach out will reach back to you, too. and you're not alone. i care, i promise--and more people than you realize do too.

it's so easy to underestimate how much a kind word can do. they add up, though. so keep going.

[arrow-dodger]

This is such a weird post to make, but I feel like I have to send it off somehow!

I made this blog when I was 15. I'm now 29. Dang. (I always thought it was toward the end of 2009 when I first made this thing, but according to my sources it may have in fact been early 2010... oops. I've been a fraud this entire time.)

This blog is one of the most special things I've ever had, if not THE most special. It's a time capsule of every moment of my life since I was a freshman in high school -- or it would be if I didn't delete all those posts back then, but summer afterwards is close enough. I count myself incredibly lucky that this even exists at all. Until this website shuts down (in probably the quite-near future) I will always be able to consult this page for every picture and every memory I could ever want to revisit from my teen years and early 20s.

But over time this has become a ghost town. Really, most of my friends stopped using this website YEARS and years ago, and a lot of my online friends have also left by now. I'm in contact with all the important people on other platforms. Meanwhile, this platform is accessed primarily by people who have no access to me otherwise, because tumblr has no proper privacy measures by design. My blog is no longer viewed by friends and online acquaintances, but by stalkery freaks, both of the lusty online kind and the psycho real life kind. I stopped posting about my personal life forever ago now primarily because of that, but even the occasional shout-into-the-void vaguepost gets those people off.

With that being the state of affairs here, I think it's time to just shut this down. I'm sure I'll get on here from time to time and maybe occasionally post if it seems fitting, and I'll forever go over my memories here when they pop into my head, but I'm not going to actively log onto and post on tumblr anymore. I have to close this vector of surveillance and pain for my own well-being.

Anyway... eternal gratitude for this utter trash-heap of a website. I love you forever. Let's not be strangers.