#I've yet to reread as an adult and am not at that point in the films yet

[reblogandlikes]

I'm convinced I'm not the target audience for the acotar series because I just saw someone say that they're rereading it and somehow love Rhysand more...? The first time I can understand the lack of introspection and caught up in the hype, but the second time? Seriously? Do people honestly think as Feyre and the IC does about him and are unable to see past the false persona of "amazingness" when he's a terrible leader and throws his power around to those who rightfully challenge him as a form of intimidation?

Maybe because they know where they story ends, they're now reading everything from a 20/20 romantic lense because they "understand him", but even with this understanding, to me, makes his entire personality even more underwhelming, forced and unnecessary. Oh so powerful, yet barely does anything substantial with it. Then what's the fucking point of you other than to fill a "morally ambitious", super powerful, dark haired quota trying to convey feminism, but not actually?

And then, when I'm critical, I have to check myself and ask if I'm being bloody pompous, but no. No, I'm not. The love for Rhysand is baffling for the genre he is in, and i think that's one of my main gripes. Dark romance, sure. But not in a series that has the audacity to hammers down "abusive" behaviour on one character but not the other in the books and by fans in online spaces. It's so weird. If you have fae's, let them be viciously so, because they are not human. Their behaviours and customs should be the differences highlighted. That should be the appeal, or am I wrong? Not for the faeness to used to be OK in one moment, but not in the next because it doesn't suit the convience of the plot or may paint your beloved in a bad light. You've then just convoluted your own world, sjm, and takes away character depth.

I'm tempted to say that I've aged out of sjm's storytelling style, but i've witnessed fully grown adults eat this shit up. But age has nothing to do with this, and I'm just honestly at a loss. I feel like an outlier. Like, I'm just not getting the appeal to these favourable characters and get frustrated when things are clearly unjust or misrepresented, yet others swear ones actions and behaviours are perfectly fine yet hate to see it in others. You can't just pick and choose when shit is ok or not, especially when the characters have very similar reasoning behind their actions. Maybe I like shit to be nuanced too much, which would explain why it irks me of being told what to believe in contrary to evidence.

It's ok to like whatever book you want, but just dont lie about the content within or delude tourselfninto believing characterisations that are false because even authors fall victim to their own character bias. *Sigh* So I'mma chill and go tackle the books on my tbr.

[wolves-etc]

there's a moment in the second hobbit film, a flashback, where thorin's sitting down in the prancing pony inn and going straight for the food and watching as a human dude just picks up a hobbit and sets him on a barstool, right?

it's a moment that looks habitual. familiar. the human says "master saddle," the hobbit seems comfortable with it. thorin doesn't even visibly react much. but I love the thought of him quietly in the back of his mind thinking "if anyone tries that with me, by my grandfather's blood they will get stabbed," and also "I will never find it in me to respect a hobbit."

[amewinterswriting]

Ame Reads: Charmed Life by Diana Wyn Jones

I'll be honest - this one was a reread for me. I read most of the Crestomanci books as a child and could still remember the broad brush strokes of the plot.

What I couldn't remember was just how skillfully written it was and still is. While the book is marketed at children as young as 10, and the plot moves quickly because of this, it never feels rushed or oversimplified. In fact, I've read adult and young adult fiction with less complex plots, character motivations and language.

(Spoilers after the cut and discussions of themes which does include familial abuse and mentions of death)

I remembered that Gwendolyn was not a nice person (to put it mildly). I didn't remember exactly how much of an evil little shit she is. In any other children's story, it would have been easy to paint her as selfish but simply that, in the way many children can be. She sees that her brother has something she doesn't (magical power) and takes it from him simply because she wants it for herself. But the story makes it explicit that she planned the sacrifice of her own brother and she even casually mentions that they will need to kill him multiple times due to his extra lives, showing that she has thought about this for months in detail and clearly has not had any hesitation or stirrings of guilt whatsoever.

In a more subtle way, the story does make it clear that Cat has been abused by his sister for his whole life - Janet, Julia and Robert all comment on it in various ways, even if the word 'abuse' never comes up. Crestomanci and the other adults are also aware but unsure of what exactly to do, especially as they aren't entirely certain that Cat isn't a willing participant in Gwendolyn's plans. For a book written in 1977, aimed at children, it's really quite radical that Diana Wynn Jones even hinted at abuse within a family unit, let alone an older sibling as an abuser.

Reading as an adult, the way in which Cat and Janet are profoundly let down by the adults is also radical and quite tragic because it's very understandable how it happened. Crestomanci is aware of virtually everything the whole time (or very early on) and yet the whole plot is Cat and Janet trying valiantly to fix the mess Gwendolyn's left them in without any adult help because they don't know the adults can be trusted and the adults think that not revealing what they are aware of is the best for everyone involved. Everyone is doing what they believe is best given the information they have, but everything could have been resolved with a few short conversations and more trust shown from both sides. And I'm really glad Janet gets to point out that Crestomanci should have talked to them sooner and he doesn't brush her off.

Other surprisingly dark things in hindsight - Gwendolyn summoning the 'drowned life' of Cat as a petty power play not once but twice, and Cat not realising why exactly it gives him the heebie-jeebies but having a very strong reaction to seeing his own drowned corpse (understandable) each time. Except that the second time, it's accompanied by the other times he's died, including at birth. A giant foetal corpse is not exactly something you expect to see in a children's book!

Anyway, I'd love to see the Chrestomanci series adapted into a television serial that really takes it seriously. Like the recent (ish) adaptation of Pullman's His Dark Materials that the BBC still hasn't finished. Hour-long episodes, I reckon, something like Charmed Life as a two-episode special to introduce the world and concepts (and Janet waking up in Gwendolyn's bed would be the perfect place for a cliffhanger at the end of episode 1, let's be honest) and then take an episode for each book in the series so while the episodes could be watched in any order, watching them all will give you more information about who reoccurring characters are and what they're doing.

In the meantime, I definitely think I'm going to dig out the rest of my old books and go through the rest of the series myself. Diana Wynn Jones' writing is complex enough that it really demands a second look. If your only exposure to her work has been through (the magnificent) Studio Ghibli adaptation of Howl's Moving Castle, consider this your sign to delve into her works, too. Charmed Life is an excellent starting point for the whole Chrestomanci series but you really can read them in any order, as the plots of each book are self-contained, with some characters making regular appearances throughout.

[gregorygerwitz]

Okay, no. You have to tell me about bruises verse mouse/Thomas ward, I am dying.

Yes, of course! I think about my collection of spoiled rich boys (and Matt) a normal amount!

Bruises 'Verse is an AU I developed back in my Marvel/Agents of SHIELD era set after everyone gets out of the Framework? But s5 and the whole time travel/space arc doesn't happen?

As per usual, under a read more because I can't shut up about anything ever

The very short version is that Leo Fitz leaves SHIELD to process all of that trauma, as well as the fact that Radcliffe is his biological father (anyone who followed me in that era knows my URL was holdendadcliffe, it's my favorite theory, I still think about it daily), and in a year moves to the PNW (some smaller town outside of Seattle, far enough from the city that he doesn't have to worry about anything, I was undecided on the details) and becomes a middle school science teacher. There, he also runs into his... they aren't exes, because they never defined their relationship, but they did go on a date before Leo got dragged into joining the field team with Jemma. He's my original character, his name is Matthew Scott, he's a good boy who has a medical degree but decided to give up on that dream and become a librarian, completely coincidentally, in the same small town that Leo ends up in.

I wrote a whole fic about it, but before his death in s3, Grant Ward (I love him, okay? I can and will write essays about him *Jay voice* in fact, I have. many times.) wrote letters for a few people in his life as a sort of... apology? He was really obsessed with the concept of "closure" in early s3, and I leaned into that while writing and developing this little universe. And those letters got left to Thomas, with the instruction to deliver the rest of them. He kind of just mailed off the others because *gestures to SHIELD and how they treated him* but he had to track down Leo because he didn't really leave a contact address with SHIELD and purposefully dropped off the radar because he also wants nothing to do with them.

And when Thomas drops off that letter for Leo, they kind of become friends? Thomas, who was floundering to get his life back after SHIELD disrupted it, who didn't want to go back to working at the bank they found him at because it's not a Safe Place anymore. So, he also moves to that little town, and does the first thing he can think of, which is going through the police academy and having a stable job so that he can hang out with friends (honestly, just Leo and Matt at that point) and pay rent and all that fun adult stuff that everyone hates.

Lately, I've been thinking about a lot of AUs where Mouse finishes his tour with the Army and returns to the States but doesn't go back to Chicago? I have thoughts about him going to Georgia, continuing his connection with the military and using it to get a job doing tech for them. I have thoughts about him going to Los Angeles and becoming a firefighter (the 911 crossover AU is NOT thought through yet don't ask about it for at least another week) or becoming private security or something for rich start up entrepreneurs. Things like that.

It occurred to me, a few months ago, that he could have also relocated to that same small town, and become a teacher (I especially thought about it after rereading @kitthekazoo's Community Garden fic, because teacher!Mouse my beloved) at the same school that Leo teaches at!

I just thought it would be funny if the tech boys with parental trauma and other causes of PTSD became best friends??? And Mouse and Matt would get alone great (tired homosexuals who are kind of over being dragged to the bar every week, because Matt is sober and Mouse is trying to avoid anything that might become a slippery slope for a while until he fully adjusts to being in Not A War Zone), and then... Thomas is kind of his type???

Detective? Complicated relationship with his brother? Pretty eyes?

Mouse is simple and I respect that.

Bonus: Matt and Tommy rolling their eyes when Leo and Mouse start talking about their students and completely forget that their boyfriends are there because they're unhinged little science nerds

I love the concept of smashing my blorbos together in a chaotic AU and seeing what my brain does. In this case, my brain said "boyfriends!" and now Mouse gets to actually date a detective and have friends and a life outside of that little cage he was in for most of his run on CPD, and I get to make him happy!

Fun fact: Tommy is a piece of shit (affectionate) and definitely calls Matt "Mascot" because Leo made the mistake of introducing him as "Matt Scott" and, uh... the joke was too easy he had to make it

[agentem]

Percy Jackson

I reread The Lightening Thief a few weeks ago because I knew the show was coming out.

I've very interested in book-to-film adaptations, as you might have noticed from my fandoms all being books or comic books that were adapted to TV or film.

What I noticed about the book is that it felt a little bit dated already. I had read them--not right when they came out--but maybe around the time The Last Olympian came out. In Percy's voice, maybe. Not just the techology already being outdated. He has that millenial-era snarky vibe.

And though voice-over narration is something I consider to be a bit of a cop out in terms of adapting a film to a movie, I think it works here. He seems more contemporary. The gods seem cooler.

The show is fun and captures the spirit of the series without everything being "exact." Percy Jackson is about that feeling you have that adults are lying to you about something (it's not just Santa Claus. It's a lot about history and religion). That's why Greek gods and superheroes and stories about girls who start revolutions and the men who incite them (recent THG microobsession) are exciting. That you could be a Hero with a capital H.

I recommend.

tl;dr under the cut

I decided not to get it for my nephew for Christmas. He is 8 but reads at a middle school level, which I am told is a great problem to have since many kids are behind in reading thanks to the pandemic. But he likes reading books with lots of pictures still so I mostly give him comics and graphic novels. But his Mom got him Harry Potter and I'm against giving You-Know-Who more money. I gave her enough when I was in that fandom and I can't unbuy the books or the merch I still have.

And he likes them. He is on book four and I am worried about that, not just because of my personal issues with JKR, but because it's getting to the point where people die and I don't think he's ready for it. Also because I didn't want my sister giving more money to You-Know-Who but it was her decision about her kid.

Anyway, I got my nephew the illustrated edition of One and Only Ivan (ironically, another Disney+ adaptation) instead of Percy Jackson because I wasn't sure if he knew Greek gods yet.

But it turns out he already read it. I thought I was so smart because he likes animals and zoology a lot. He cried at the zoo when the Red Panda wasn't available and for about a week after we were asked to not mention pandas arount him because it made him sad. But One and Only Ivan was the school-wide read-along.

So I did get him Percy Jackson when I had to return Ivan.

I'm interested to see what he knows about Greek gods. I would be thrilled if this new edition of the books is able to turn him into a Percy Jackson-kid instead of an HP kid. Because when I was a kid, I read Edith Hamilton's edition of Mythology over and over like there was going to be a quiz. (Never has been. Very upset.)

But if Nephew likes them then we could bond and I could be the "cool" aunt. Like my aunt who read "Lord of the Rings" was.

[bonesandthebees]

Phil POV! Phil POV! Phil POV!

We support rose!Phil's rights and wrongs in this house (there are many wrongs).

Honestly, I am just such as sucker for Sandduo. Doesn't matter how complicated, wholesome or otherwise. And the way you write sandduo? Fantastic! Every fic I've read of yours, and especially this one. There's just something about a father who loves his kid so much but is horrible at showing it and is definitely messing him up but he cares so much and does everything for this son. Rose!Sanduo is everything to me. So complicated, but so delicious.

The carriage ride story… I don't even have much to say about it except that it was amazing. The softness of it. We get so few purely soft moments of Wilbur and Phil, so seeing it even here in a flashback hits so hard. Little Wilbur laying in his lap, Phil running his hand through his hair, Wilbur looking to his father when he's jolted. It's such a sweet scene and really shows the love they have. Even just Phil having to hold back his anger at the carriage driver. I have reread this bit so many times and I have no doubt I'll continue to.

Just the detail of Phil not wanting to speak to Wilbur until the afternoon because he needs sleep! He cares so much!

And Phil still sees his son so young still, which is so interesting when we compare it to Wilbur's POV of always acting more adult, seeing the contrast between Wilbur and Tomys. I could probably go into more detail about this and might send another ask about it at some point because I find it fascinating.

-🐚

PHIL POV WOOHOO

aaa thank you as I'm sure you can tell I adore sandduo. they're just so wonderfully complicated and you can take their relationship in so many directions. phil always cares so much and loves his son as much as he can, but he can never show it in a way that wilbur understands. they're always just barely missing each other. so close to understanding yet so far at the same time. and that's especially true in rose.

the carriage ride story is so special to me... it's about parental sacrifice (phil not sleeping on the carriage so he can both watch over wilbur and try to soothe his son to sleep). it's about hating having to watch your child be scared or exhausted (how wilbur kept jolting awake with every loud noise) and wanting to shout at whoever you need to to make sure your child is ok. it's love. phil loves wilbur more than wilbur could ever really understand. so many little signs he misses because phil can't say those things outright.

wilbur is young! for as adult as he acts and how he feels like his father expects him to be grown up, phil fully recognizes that wilbur is barely an adult. he's still trying so hard to protect him and guide him. making sure he gets enough sleep.

[thesinglesjukebox]

††† - "INVISIBLE HAND"

Claire recommends a Deftones/Far superduo with an ungoogleable name. (Literally! "Your search - "†††" - did not match any documents.")

[6.09]

Ian Mathers: Wait, is ††† just Chino from Deftones doing noisy synthpop? Did I forget about this? Was I not informed? [8]

Claire Biddles: This time last year, ††† released a cover of George Michael's "One More Try", a swoony bit of December melancholia that also served as a direct acknowledgement of inspiration. Much like Nine Inch Nails' Trent Reznor, Chino Moreno has always carried Michael's influence in his vocal performance, and no more so than in his work with †††, his Depeche Mode-ish duo with producer Shaun Lopez. In "Invisible Hand", Moreno's croons are propelled by internal drama, lifting and surging in the middle of words. His lyrics are either enigmatic or nonsense, depending on one's position, but the song itself is dense with narrative. Lopez switches modes and textures with every verse, laying a sheet of synths only to shoot through it with ten-foot-tall industrial drops; stabs of synthesised voices are weaponised; glass shatters as if in a locked room. Listening to the song, looking at the blue-lit model on the album art, I'm struck by the commonalities between the sheen of '90s/'00s alt-rock and Michael's contemporaneous "adult" period: the thread that links "Spinning the Wheel" and "Digital Bath", ending up with "Freeek!" and "Invisible Hand" -- the kind of industrial that isn't made from scrap, but from chrome coated in silk. [9]

Michelle Myers: What kind of Deftones girl are you? I'm from the Saturday Night Wrist era, but I probably would have told you my favorite album was Around the Fur if you were a metal dude I bummed a lighter from at a party in 2007. Anyway, I like this as an album cut, though I'm not sure it stands on its own as a single. Still, nobody does hot, sleazy angst better than Chino Moreno. [6]

Micha Cavaseno: I've said plenty about Chino over the course of my life, so let me go over to Shaun Lopez (or "Slopez" for those of us with far too much familiarity) first. At one point, this guy was a great post-hardcore guitarist, responsible for a number of great records with his band Far. "Love, American Style" and "Bury White" still get regular play from me, and even though that comeback album was bad and his post-Far band The Revolution Smile was some of the worst middle-of-the-road radio rock possible... the guy's had great moments! Chino -- again, I've said so much about my love for the guy! Crosses... ? Always getting worse! Part of it is that Shaun is such an unimaginative producer. So many of these riffs and little digital stabs of "hard clubby synthpop" just come off like the worst sort of adult-oriented electronica. Deftones have been mostly uninspiring to me in the last decade and a half, but if I wanted Chino doing his best faux David Gahan over Phantogram-level cliches, I know he's done better. (Team Sleep was right there! And all their gimmicky electronica was perfectly in vogue with the '00s!). So here I am, begging these men to get off TikTok, stop scrolling through legions of goth girls calling themselves "baby bats" dancing to warmed-over faux-'80s music mislabeled as "darkwave," and get their heads back in the game. [2]

Katherine St Asaph: Chino from Deftones going Dave Gahan mode (NOTE UPON REREADING: pun actually not intended, god) over a song composed entirely of bridges and final choruses. So when the actual bridge and final chorus arrive, they're identical, no more tension to be had. The half-time bit at the end could have gone somewhere. [7]

Nortey Dowuona: I was kinda excited to hear Chino's powerful yet silky voice rise over the swollen stolen valor of the 808 kick by Shaun Lopez, who also provides the newly drowned synth keys and seething guitar. But then they decided to add a Phil Collins drum track throwaway for the chorus. Big sigh. At least it's only a test. [5]

Alex Clifton: When the synths hit in the chorus this is pretty cool, but the rest of the time it feels like a knockoff Imagine Dragons song. [5]

Brad Shoup: The AWOLNATION EP was a dud, so this will have to tide me over for yowling modern rock with self-conscious electronic production choices. (Well, this and the Pumpkins' space opera.) Chino's voice remains a marvel. His sighs still don't feel like shtick, which is why I'm amazed at how much I enjoy them on the chorus paired with bog-standard synthwave. [6]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: An expertly executed take on some shit I really, really don't want to listen to -- every big noise and faux-gothic tone here has clearly been assembled by true appreciators of a dogshit form. The hook soars and the bass breaks the speakers and oh my god this is so tedious. But honestly, I respect it -- relative to the active rock and alternative radio baseline that these guys are pushing up against, this is a masterpiece. [4]

Frank Falisi: That sound is stuck in me. You know the one. [10]

Tim de Reuse: An unnerving, staccato vocal sample and an pleasantly grimy bass stab segue abruptly veer into a competent synthpop cruise. It'd go down smoother if the lyrics reached beyond the vaguest tendencies of early-aughts nu-metal. By their tone I understand that we're not happy, but I haven't a clue what we're supposed to be upset about. [5]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[pepperbox]

What are your thoughts on the Trigun reboot?

the big tl;dr is that i'm enjoying it a lot!! there are a couple things that i'm like, not suuuuper thrilled about but overall: it's a yes from me!

(for clarity, i was a huuuuuge fan of the '98 anime and watched it with my mom as a kid! i read trimax later in life and adored that, and now the og anime is like. fine?? but comparatively falls flat for me now as an adult in my 30s. i've rewatched the anime only once as an adult but i've reread trimax uhhhhh three times in the past year alone lolol)

i'm gonna bullet point this bc that's just how my brain works best:

i love the animation! there have been a few instances where it felt off, but overall it's been a feast for my eyeballs

I'M SORRY BUT I LOVE THE NEW VASH DESIGN transmasc icon, he's perfect. i am absolutely not biased, ignore my undercut--

also it updated his look for the 2000s?? the broomhead was a Look in the 90s but it's so dated now i'm SORRY LMAO

also who out here is making hair gel on this fucking desert planet, i s2g,

the inclusion of roberto at first i was kinda ??? about but i quickly adjusted to him, esp as he started throwing soon-to-be-dead-mentor flags all over the fucking place. he cracks me up but i'm legit just waiting at this point for him to die to further meryl's development and to pass the torch derringer on to her

i do hope millie makes an appearance for meryl (so they can be girlfriends, as is only right) but her absence really doesn't break trigun for me bc uhhhh y'all, her and meryl have relatively minor roles in trimax and straight up disappear for like, volumes at a time

also i really hated her random romance with wolfwood in the 98 anime even as a kid and i will never forgive it for that

but ymmv!!!

i do think the pacing is a bit fast and i wish they either had longer episodes or more episodes to let it breathe a little! not entirely plot-wise because i actually like the reveals so far we've gotten because it's keeping even long time fans guessing for what's coming, but just for the relationships between the characters

like i would like more casual interactions between the four protags, and more vash & wolfwood getting to know each other before we jumped right to them butting heads so aggressively over morality and killing

but i do love that it also heavily showcases the consequences of vash's actions (or inaction)

because as meryl pointed out during the nebraska fight, he isn't actually doing anyone a kindness, he's just running away from pain

i am also sad that they took wolfwood AND livio's tits by the looks of it

rip 😔

also i am. not thrilled about elendira? i was really excited to see my wife on screen but instead they did that to her :(

ANYWAYS

i am curious about where the story is going to go!! because lost july hasn't happened yet but we're walking towards it, but when?

is it going to be mid-season? is it going to be the end of s1 if we're getting more than one season? will there be a time skip?

will [redacted manga spoilers] arrive?

will we get to see chronica and domina??

there's still SO much to cover, but i know they're mashing some things together (like jeneora rock was a couple different settings smashed into one, and it seems like the gung-ho guns and the eye of michael are even more woven together??) so we'll see but

I HAVE QUESTIONS

BUT YEAH like!!!! i am enjoying it a lot overall!! i have a few gripes with it but i am so fucking happy to be watching trigun again, and as much as i would adore a 1-to-1 trimax adaption like they did with fma, i am really enjoying it being a retelling because i genuinely don't know what's going to happen!! it's fun!! i'm having fun!!

also there's a really emo thought i had about all trigun adaptions just being different lives for everyone and they're just caught in a loop

history doesn't repeat but sometimes it rhymes

but!!

i also love the fact that it's screaming that it's a passion project. that people who love the source material are all working on it, with nightow. they're bringing back VAs for both japanese and english versions, fans are animating and voicing it, it's amazing and shows how much love is going into this series, and i'm so glad to be able to experience it again

[ladyhindsight]

i really should have sent you my thoughts as i reread most of the tsc, now i have way too much to be exasperated about, so much in my head

i've already complained about inquisitor robert but i need to talk about that with his scene in the last i lost

i'm obsessed with this conversation since i'm in love with him but like i previously said, i finally came to fully realize that nothing in this books can be taken seriously

Alec allowed himself a moment to dream. Being Inquisitor, and having a hand in the making of the Law itself. Being able to get Aline and Helen back. Being able to put some sort of dent in the Cold Peace. Being able, Alec thought with slow-dawning hope, to get married.

(takes a deep breath)

WHY. CAN'T. ROBERT. DO. THAT. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY

alec has all these plans of what he would do if he was the inquisitor because apparently the inquisitor only can do whatever they want if they happen to be alec, at least inside his head. it would be wild if the current inquisitor was already someone who is ready to agree with alec on anything he wants done

this truly makes no sense. at this point robert has turned into somehow a downworld supporter, as part of his character arc, and i don't need to mention his relationship with alec and magnus, so how is that he would have the power to "let alec get married" and isn't doing that? this is more like some sort of negligent plot hole than mischaracterization. nobody over 25 (unless they're immortal) can solve any problem, they must leave it all for the very young

i would also like to comment about this

“How’s my little M&M?” asked Robert.

Max’s middle name was Michael, after Robert’s long-dead parabatai.

i love to know about this, but since alec knows nothing about michael except that he had a peculiar romantic choice (i think "people in love with your parents" is an awkward category of relationship to anyone), this naming of max is logically about alec's relationship with robert, and i would love to know how he feels about that. he gave his child a middle name on robert's request and it's a name that ties to their complicated feelings, but there's no elaboration on any emotional significance of it, ever, it's just stated here very matter-of-factly and never again. it's obviously fanservice, and obviously i am the fan being served, but it wasn't done in any meaningful way, which was very disappointing with the waste of potential

“Yeah,” said Alec. “But you have to be sure you want me to have it, Dad. People won’t be happy with me taking it, and once I have it, I’m going to split the Clave apart.”

“You are?” Robert asked, his voice faint.

“Because I have to,” said Alec. “Because everything has to change. For everybody’s sake. And for Magnus and our kids.”

robert was so dumbed down here 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 the critical thinking skills of a potato is mischaracterization for him, and it was so alec could show off on how he will be the amazing progressive politician since there's no competent older adult available

more salt on the land i lost

“Whenever you like,” said Robert. “I’ve got all the time in the world.”

no, my love, you actually don't, you have a supposedly busy job, this is a clumsy attempt to make the reader sad with some sort of over the top backwards foreshadowing. it worked, i got sad, but at the cost of braincells

i really should just sleep and let go... thanks for putting up with my madness!

- R

When Alec becomes Consul, he single-handedly ends the Cold Peace and changes laws so that Shadowhunters and Downworlders can marry in a Shadowhunter ceremony. Just like that. In Queen of Air and Darkness it comes off as so easy. Alec just needed to be the one in charge. And there isn’t even Inquisitor yet, though it is nudged to Diego’s direction. And yet Robert and Jia together could not change a thing in the Clave just because of the Cohort? Since the Clave-in-Exile has essentially weeded the Cohort out, everything comes off easy.

Robert, who loves his son and wants him to be happy, and Jia whose daughter went into exile for Jia’s daughter-in-law—those two can’t work anything out at all? It’s just the Cohort making a fuss because the rest of the Clave is a big monolith not against any reforms Alec makes? And yet it is told that major part of the Nephilim populus left Idris to follow Alec’s Clave.

As to Max’s middle name, I think in Born to Endless Night it showed that the name meant a lot to Robert, gazing out the window and all. It was never confirmed in it, Maryse and Robert merely argued over Max’s middle name. Though the Lightwoods were really fun to read in that story, there was still the same obscurity around Robert and Alec’s relationship, and some points that I’ll probably will argue once I cover that book.

There’s no clear idea presented in the series what is it exactly that the Clave officials do with their time and titles. Robert surely would make any time for Alec, but it is also said he is a busy man. But busy with what? The lack of world-building will never tell.

[kustas]

now its YOUR TURN to do top 5 characters! >:)

I'll do the same way I asked you: regardless of source material, including a small summary of the character and why I like them so much :}

1 - From the Inkheart book series, Dustfinger! I read those books as a kid and he's the first fictional character I remember liking in a significant way. He represents a blueprint of sorts for most of my favorite characters since then, or at the least my personal originator of a bunch of tropes I love. His character is a wandering minstrel type with a borderline supernatural ability at juggling with fire. He's "cool" but rather unfriendly and sometimes straight up unpleasant, very focused on self preservation to the point of selfishness and cowardice, partially due to a rough and penniless upbringing but partially due to his personality. While he does have a family and other loved ones he's not very openly affectionate. I can't tell exactly what I like about him, he's a complex character who feels very human and who has a lot of character traits I adore. Having reread the series as an adult, I especially appreciated him being (at least in the first book) in a grey area of neither anta- or protagonist. He's just out there with his own agenda and a lot of personality, some of which isn't pleasant, but who sure is interesting

2 - The Mike himself... putting him as number two even if he's number one (badum tss). He's very hard to talk about because so much of his appeal is presented in the series as show don't tell actions of slightly cryptic nature. His character is an artificially created man meant to be a soldier and ideal peacekeeper. He's kind, clever, beautiful and supernaturally charismatic, and because of how he was engineered, earnestly dedicates his life to peace and love on planet earth. Part of his charisma comes from empathy so unnaturally deep he's able to feel what others are thinking and influence them by being around. This all makes him an uncanny and absolutely terrifying antagonist, one with ambitions for the whole planet as well as what you could describe as the best intentions. Why I like him so much is because he's so strange and compelling. Tragic and horrifying figure and a character concept I've never seen anywhere else yet executed so well

3 - After completing HxH more than once I realized that Ging Freeccs embodied every trope I like at once while also sharing a weird amount of similarities with my own self and it was over. His character is an extremely talented man who lives by his passions alone and who pulls off extreme individualism by just being that good at what he needs to live like that. Fascinating and infuriating at once. He loves a lot of different things in life and will throw away anything in the way of him not pursuing his passion of the moment, while also being weirdly selfless when it comes to doing what he wants to do. Also both a very strong personality and charismatic figure & with crippling social anxiety which is a hilarious combination. I like him because he has a lot of character traits I like, is very intriguing, and a total mad cunt

4&5 - I am not separating Black and White ever so I'll be describing them in alphabetical order and not rating one above the other... Both: two-people gang of orphaned street kids with no known background who reign over their little turf by the laws of the jungle, brothers by choice and not by blood, surfing like never before the line between soulmates and codependency. Black: more reserved and selfish, critically low emotional intelligence; he's stuck between the unaware pain of repressing his feelings and refusing to show any vulnerability & hyperviolent tendencies due to genuine prepubescent bloodlust. Very mentally ill miserable little man gaslighting himself into thinking he's the best because they're all afraid of him. White: curious and full of empathy, he's rather clever and much more friendly than his brother. Struggles with learning and focus among other things due to undisclosed mental disability. Pathological daydreamer with unpredictable and usually scary moments of clairvoyance. Why I like them so much: they're such flawed yet touching characters, their struggles are realistic and so is the way they act about, while still embodying the surreal whimsy of childhood. Real bittersweet to see their story unfold where they're going through it due to unchangeable circumstances. White's little monologue about how both of them were born broken but have the screws the other one lacks was the first thing that glued me heart and soul to their source material

[fizzingwizard]

rambly, bit warning for mention of death and stuff

I used to be really into action/adventure stories, scifi, fantasy, thrillers... Although I always preferred stories that focused on characters more than plot, a story with an intriguing plot with a satisfying (or satisfyingly unsatisfying) outcome was always the most memorable.

I heard about iyashikei many years ago and remember being flummoxed. It's a story-telling style in Japan which is just about peaceful scenes, comfort, and feeling relaxed. It didn't seem interesting to me at all. I thought of that style as the Thomas Kinkade of literature/movies. I loved Ghibli films, but I never thought they fit that style, or fit it only in part.

My gosh, how I've changed in just the last five years. When I met my boyfriend, we bonded over X-men and Star Trek and recommended adventure novels to each other. Now he's still into all that, but I've moved away. It's not that I don't like those things anymore. I just don't get whatever it was I used to get from them. I don't want to watch new Star Trek shows. I don't want to read new adventures novels. Just the thought is exhausting to me. A fantasy novel hits the bestseller list, and instead of running out to buy it, I go, "Not another dystopia."

And I've totally embraced that iyashikei story. I want to live in it. It's true I still don't like things that are always perfect peace and harmony - but most of the stories I've encountered in this genre aren't. They're just gentler, slower moving, and dedicated to their aesthetic.

Basically my interests have done a 180 and I'm kind of in shock over it. It's really hampered me in some ways, because of course, I always dreamed of being like NK Jemisin and having my own awesome adventure series out one day. In the space of a few short years I lost all interest in doing something like that, although I still want to write. I just want to write things most people wouldn't want to read, lol.

So I'm trying to pinpoint when and why the change. When I started reading the Moomin novels a few years ago, even though I was a full-grown adult, I was completely drawn in. It's tough to explain, something to do with the atmosphere and philosophy. Moomins fits really well in with iyashikei. It's not too cutesy or too sweet to put me off - it's whimsical and fun and adventurous, but also calm and reassuring and wise. Every reread tells me something different. I don't think Tove Jansson and I are very much alike, but she makes me wish "heartful" was a word, because it seems to apply to her stories much better than thoughtful.

But why did I fall in love with Moomins so hard? As much as I'd like to think the stories would have the same effect on anyone, more likely it's because of my headspace when I found them. I was in a new job, just past the point of struggling and starting to find my feet, but still feeling unsure about it. I was in a new relationship. I was having a lot of family issues. And I was really unhappy about the world in general. I think my own head was just so full of stress and helplessness, and I really wanted permission to feel happy. Moomins gave me that. Those books swept in and reminded me how insignificant I am, and how significant that insignificance is. They reminded me what "tolerance" should look like - not the tolerance that made me hate the term, but hospitality and true loving your neighbor. It made me feel okay with being a basketcase yet loving storms (I relate way, way too much to the Fillyjonk in the Disaster story). And I loved the harshness and the great love and the wonder in the story of the little whomper who wishes his baby brother away. Honestly, Tales is such a great book. I was just like Moominpappa in trying to understand the incomprehensible sea. On my first read of November, I thought it was such a sad story. But on each progressive reread, the book becomes full of light. The family which can't connect with each other needs to find what each member needs to feel free in themself before they can fix the connection. And they need to face what they can't have, because it's out of their control.

I'm just rambling about Moomins now lol. The point is that I came across the Moomins right when I needed them, or something just like them. I felt so lost and alone but was determined to tough it out by myself. Although I've always been someone who loves solitude, I didn't really have it in me to be alone and heartbroken. Reading the books gave me some strength. I felt like my childhood had been a lie, and that nobody cared about that but me. And I felt that my life spent biting my tongue and not saying what I think was going to be my future too. And I don't know, Moomins didn't fix anything, I still have all those problems, but I guess I feel less alone with them. Like here are these people just living their lives being judged but not judging back. They don't bite their tongue, but they still don't talk because it's much better to do what you want than waste your breath. And knowing Tove wrote it all while being very human and mercurial herself is all the permission I need to love and believe in the stories despite my own weaknesses.

And I still don't feel like going back to action/adventure stories. That's what's most surprising. I'm going to see the new Spiderman movie this weekend. But aside from now and then stuff like that, I'm just not moved by thrills and high action. Maybe someday that will change - I thought it would - I thought I would have reverted years ago. But it still just sounds exhausting to me. The world is so much, I just want a small corner where no one will bother me. The other day I had a vision of myself lying in a patch of soft clover like I loved doing as a kid, and a stranger came up an stabbed me. My boyfriend ran over and called an ambulance, but I told him that if they said it was a fatal wound, then they should leave me because I'd rather die in the clover than at the hospital. It was very odd to think about, but the thought of dying in the hospital just made me so sad. More than the thought of dying itself.

Although it's morbid, I think that well expresses how I've been feeling these past years. It's not like I'm unhappy. I'm doing pretty well and mostly cheerful. But even when I was a kid I tended to think about sad things in a friendlier way than I think certain other people do. It's natural to end up a loner, because no one really wants to talk about that stuff with you. It's why I always say I'm no good at small talk. And I like thinking about the universe and spirituality and philosophy. I don't like politics or other stupidity. And I've felt my ability to do the former is very threatened by goings on in the latter. And lately my fear is that I'll find peace through resignation: okay, these people are never going to respect me for this or that reason, so I'm just going to let them not respect me and keep my thoughts to myself, because at least they'll still be mine. That's true in a sense but it's not good. It's not good because this is my one and only life, and it's fucking stupid that some people think they should decide for me what I am capable of because I'm a woman. Or any of the other myriad specious "reasons" bigots come up with so that they don't have to feel afraid.

tl;dr I just am so done with the world and want to go frolic with the Moomins, lol.

[tinyidle]

I'm a young smut writer (going into high school in August), but I'm not open about my age, cause I'm afraid what my following will think. I'd like to think I'm decent at it, with some of my fics getting over 100 notes. I read smut, and write it, because I unfortunately am hypersexual (due to trauma) and I find it a good way to release that energy. My fics are the only thing I find good about my hypersexuality tbh, every other part is just hell.

I am old enough to be on tumblr, just to put that out there !! And I've never stated that I'm older than I actually am, just never clarified.

I feel a little bad not putting my age outright, but I also want my followers and other writers to feel comfortable interacting with me :(

Idk, I just saw that post you replied to abt minor writers/readers and wanted to get opinions on my situation.

I really enjoy writing, I love my anons, and I appreciate the support. But ik if I be honest some people probably wont be comfortable following me anymore, as sad as it makes me to think about, I know I just have to accept it

And if I decide to put it out there, I know I also wont be welcome following most blogs (which sucks since tumblr writers are amazing, esp you, you're my favorite writer on here) 😔

Thanks for reading, I'd like your opinion on my situation if you don't mind 😭 <3

hello ello ello! ive been kinda of busy, keeping up with school notes and reading fics and textbooks and all (im in college), but i read and reread this ask and have been thinking about it since yesterday.

most of us smut writers have been hypersexual minors reading smut at one point and moved or reading into writing, though i can only speak for myself when i decided to write as an adult. personally i suggest to, if you really want to be/continue being a smut writer, to be at least 16 years old (not recommended however), but considering how i calculate what highschool age is and how old i think you may be, you might not fit that criteria and will have people block you if you do disclose your age online.

ive seen (and had at once followed) minors writing smut, but after a while i either stopped reading or stopped following because of either them not being comfortable about it anymore or just me not being comfortable. if you know that that will be the case with you from other writers, i honestly have no other suggestion than to let it happen.

some won't care, but many will since it's already a big no-no in writing to have minors in smut. you can't really help it since most adults dont want to feel like they are indirectly grooming minor writers by encouraging their writing. of course the easiest thing to do is lie about your age, but i personally dont like when people do that (e.g., tiktok pages that have aged between 14-17, like- why not say 15 or smth??), so i go against that.

this might not be what you wanted to hear, but i can only be honest. i still dont condone bullying minors on the internet to do what they do, yet at the same time i cant support something i myself avoid. i dont even stan groups with minors (i literally waited until txt were all adults until i stanned-- and two of the members are my age).

im glad you like my writing, but i hope most of what you like are my non nsfw works (albeit them being minimal).

[hotchley]

🐨 Hello hello! So, I turn 18 tomorrow and that is a WEIRD feeling. I suppose, with the time difference, it’s actually already my birthday where you are. I know that from today to tomorrow I’m not actually a whole year older, just a day older, because that’s how time works, but it’s still just A Lot to realize that in 3 hours, I’ll be an adult. At least I’ll be able to vote! That’s a perk.

I finished SoC and am almost done with CK. Both just amazing books. I adore them. The writing is so PRETTY! “He needed to tell her…what? That she was lovely, and brave, and better than anything he deserved? That he was twisted, crooked, wrong, but not so broken that he couldn’t pull himself into some semblance of a man for her. That without meaning to, he’d begun to lean on her, to look for her, to need her around. He needed to thank her for his new hat.” Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh such a good romance, Kanej is. And Inej’s chapters a beautiful too. The one where she’s climbing up the incinerator always gets me.

Have you watched Shadow and Bone? They’ve changed a few too many things for my taste, but the cast is amazing! They all portray their characters super well. My friend and I watched it the other day while making bracelets for the Taylor Swift concert we’re going to in June.

Also, you are not failing at being a lawyer. You are learning to be one, and you are trying to become a good one, and that’s more than a hell of a lot of other people are doing. You have all the intelligence and tenacity and real, genuine GOODNESS inside of you already. You’ll pick up the actual law stuff quickly enough :)

Happy Birthday!! I hope your day and year is full of light, love and a whole lot more adventures <3

The switch from seventeen to eighteen is a lot though. Here it's voting, buying alcohol, for some people giving blood (I'm too anemic and also something else for that though) and just generally being classed as an adult. Like you suddenly form the 18-25 group. You age out of a lot fo child's services. WEIRD.

I must reread at some point- but only once I've read the books I've not yet read because there are so many. I think my mum and sister getting me a Kindle was simultaneously the best and worst thing they ever did. Babel was on a deal a while back so I brought it and once I've read all the hard copy books I want to read I'm going to start it!! But yes, Kanej is everything.

I've started. I'm on episode six of season one, but the problem is that I remember nothing. Also I only care about the Crows. I tried reading Shadow and Bone years ago and I just couldn't get into it. The school librarian thought I'd enjoy Six of Crows though. She was very much right :) I do like watching the edits and the interviews though! Oh I'm so excited to hear about the concert!! What do the bracelets look like?

I'm going to a candlelit concert for my birthday! It's my present to myself. I also keep missing out the l in candle it's very random...

That's very sweet of you to say. I think I'll show my friends. They'll appreciate it just as much as I do <3

[sociallyawkwardseal]

YIPPEE, reading time!!! This time it's Josee, the Tiger, and the Fish. We watched the movie to it in 2021 (2022?) and it means a lot to me; I have the novel digitally but never got around to reading it ;^^ I started it... A couple of months ago? But dropped it, not intentionally, just... Life got in the way.

To be honest, reading has been weird this year. I devoured most of the Bungo Stray Dogs novels rapidly in January (save for Beast, we read that late last year, and Stormbringer), during one of the most miserable points of my adult life ("one of the most miserable points of my adult life" = last October to January; don't get me wrong there is still an Insane amount of grief in my heart but I am doing better). You couldn't keep me away from the novels. I think Stormbringer was April? May? My husband read it as I finished. I read Otherside Picnic 8 and didn't enjoy it. There are only two volumes of Otherside Picnic that I haven't enjoyed. I feel like I read another novel, but alas. I can't remember. I haven't even done my yearly reread of Kagerou Project. Do you know how wild that is for me? My yearly reread. Did not happen yet. Insane. I've been beta reading for a friend and rereading my husband's WIP, but ah. I ended up stuck after one of the chapters for my friend. Nothing on him. Just my brain shutting down on words. And the insanely rocky internet situation. The last thing I read in-full was some of Paul Verlaine's poetry, but Hoopla got downright weird with it.

I missed reading a lot, and honestly I'm surprised how much I remember so far from Josee, despite... Actually forgetting that I had read it. I opened my kindle the other day like "Hm, maybe I'll read... What on earth was I reading last? [checks] JOSEE?!"

But anyways. I'll stop rambling. This was a little more personal than I would normally Like to get here and there really was no point except for me to ramble, so I'll just leave it at this LOL. But like. If you're reading anything specific that you don't think I already know--novel, light novel, manga, webcomic, webnovel, poetry, I would love to hear about it.

[blue-15000]

Notes for Chapter 11 of To Be a Kunoichi

Phew! Second arc down, like... ten more to go. I suspect the last two arcs will get split up into multiples, but for now... ten.

The next chapter will probably take a bit longer, as I want to go back over the first two arcs and get some editing done. I'm happy with the structure of this fic, but might add foreshadowing and make some minor line edits so I am happier with those aspects. I am also going to take some time to plot things in more detail.

I go back to London in early September, and will have my hands full then - and I'll be busy with schoolwork/writing my dissertation. I expect that the update pace will slow considerably, but I plan to keep working on this fic throughout term-time. I have masterfully arranged my schedule so that I knocked out 30 out of 120 of my credits this summer, so my schedule is pretty light.

I have been slowly rereading OchiMochiMochi's Hers, and I noticed that her OC, who was the closest thing Kakashi had to a girlfriend, Ume, shares a name with Naruto's alias in my fic. This wasn't intentional, I picked the name Ume out of a list of Japanese girls' names, because I felt the meaning fit with how Kakashi viewed Naruto at that point in the story. When I reference other fics I will say so in the notes.

And oh, gosh, Hers, amirite? I assume that the audience of my fic and that have an overlap, as it's the same relatively uncommon pairing. It's so well-written but the way Kakashi behaves gives me the terminal ick, I want to smack him and tell him to pull himself together and put on his big boy pants. It all started to make sense when the author said she gave Kakashi traits she finds unattractive in real men. As much as I enjoy that fic: my Kakashi would never.

I've noticed that people (and by people I mean my venerable regular reviewers) seem not so keen on how I'm handling Hiruzen and Nart's relationship. Hiruzen is often lambasted in the fandom, and rightly so - he was a pretty horrible leader, father, and grandfather.

This fic is from Naruto's perspective. Children who have unreliable or emotionally abusive parents tend not to just hate their parents, but want to appease them as well. Hiruzen got Nart her apartment, got her her only steady source of income, enrolled her in the Academy, put her on her team.... she's ATTACHED, guys. She's currently pretty angry with him but she's angry at everyone.

On his side of things, the issue is that he never, ever stops being Hokage. He can't view her as "the child I am responsible for" and "the national asset" in two separate ways, they're all tangled up in each other. Does he care for her? Yes. Does he also use his genuine feelings of affection to manipulate her? Also yes.

I kind of based her feelings towards him off of my own relationship with my parents. They weren't the best, especially on the emotional side of things. My mother was abusive up until I was about ten. But I love my parents dearly and genuinely, they were doing what they thought was best. Sometimes that makes it better, sometimes it makes it worse because really was that your best???

Naruto's musings in the present about the Sandaime grooming her are more or less correct. He's grooming her to be a child soldier, and she will go back and forth on how she feels about him. He'll do something callous and cruel, then treat her like she's special and convince her that he had no choice. She'll be angry with him, then feel guilty for being angry and just want to go back to pretending nothing is wrong. She's a child in a difficult situation and will not react with the clear-headedness of an adult who has a lifetime of healthy relationships to fall back on.

Enough on Hiruzen, the actual notes for this fic:

Naruto's super-healing comes with some drawbacks. She struggles to gauge exactly how much damage she's taken at times, and after battles, frequently performs self-checks to make sure everything has healed correctly. You may notice she doesn't yet do this in the past, only in the present. Assume that any injury she mentions is at least 2x as bad as she says it is.

My notes for this scene went something like "Naruto has to ask for Kakashi's help in re-breaking and setting her ribs" and then oohhh my god. Oh my god. She did NOT want to ask for help. She's so independent and stubborn, I can't make her do stuff even if I try.

Naruto's propensity to form ill-advised friendships with unstable missing-nin is a constant in any universe, I think. She sees a morally reprehensible person struggling with an inner burden and goes "is anyone gonna be friends with that?" and doesn't wait for an answer.

Pour one out for Tenzo, honestly. Imagine being trapped underground with one teammate injured and the other potentially possessed by a demon. Nightmare scenario.

In case anyone missed it: Shisui told her not to talk to avoid using up oxygen. By the time Tenzo finished tunnelling to the surface they were nearly out of air. Naruto remained blissfully unaware of their predicament by their design: the only thing worse than being trapped 50 feet under rubble with a potentially unstable jinchuriki is being trapped 50 feet under rubble with a panicking potentially unstable jinchuriki.

Kakashi is a safe person to be angry at. The Sandaime is not. So Kakashi is the person she yells at. Simple as.

Remember how guilty canon Nart was for burning Sakura with his nine-tails chakra? Yeah.

Return of the motif: dawn has broken, both in-universe and thematically, at least for a while. The next arc will be much lower stakes: worldbuilding and Nart making friends outside her team. Huzzah.

[katrinawritesthings]

Drugs with the dots over the u??? I read that like the vine of the owl offering those white people drugs

Buddy that's the way I've been pronouncing it the whole time too

But that one is. I guess technically a fic of a fic that I read once like over a decade ago that was really angsty and because I am the way I am I was like what if they worked on their problems and fixed their shit. But now I can't even find the fic anymore to reread it which I'm bummed about and also enough is changed that it's not even really the same au anymore lol but anygay

tw for self-harm and addiction and abuse talk

I just think. What if jongtae but like kind of genuinely awful for each other but also unhealthily co-dependent on and devoted to and in love with each other :3c the inherent Romance of getting better for someone else. the inherent Romance of wanting someone else to get better for themself. The inherent Romance of both of those together. The fun and drama of both of you kicking and screaming the entire way

And also the fun and drama of addiction problems and anger problems and manipulation problems and Jonghyun struggling so hard because he externalizes so he has to keep himself on such a short leash and doesn't trust himself for like anything and he's treating Taemin like he's made out of glass

and Taemin struggling so hard because he internalizes and now he can't manipulate Jonghyun into externalizing on him anymore so when he winds up hurting himself he has no one to shift the blame onto except himself and also he can't even admit yet that maybe he had a drug problem in the first place

But they love each other and they're helping each other and they're learning how to have adult constructive conversations about their feelings and doing their damnedest to at least be good to each other because they know the other deserves it and they're trying so hard to believe that they themselves deserve it too

he's smiling. Jonghyun was half up, pushing off of the cold tile floor so fast it made him dizzy, rage pounding behind his eyes, caught in his throat, buzzing under his skin, until he caught sight of Taemin’s face. of his smile. little, mischievous, smug, almost hopeful. the light switches back off. he breathes hard through his nose, glaring at Taemin, and shakes his head. calm, he tells himself, calm.  "that almost got me," he says. and somehow, he chuckles. somehow in the span of a few seconds he goes from blinding rage to unsurprised amusement. he lies back down, throwing his arm over his eyes. "that almost fucking got me," he repeats. "try talking shit like that again and see what it gets you." it's a threat, but not one that he means seriously and not one that Taemin takes seriously if his little snort means anything. "yeah right,” he mutters. “it won't work now because now you'll be looking out for it." he blows an exasperated raspberry, his hands slapping onto the floor. "what's the point of being self-aware enough to sabotage our healing if you're self-aware enough to realize i'm doing it?" he demands. "fucked up. and i don't even want to fucking try it again. i feel bad about it. i never used to feel bad about it. god, you've made me soft too, haven't you? you're so difficult. it was so much easier when we were both assholes." Jonghyun doesn't need to see him to imagine his little pout. it's a new thing that Taemin has been doing these past couple of months; now that there's less things to be genuinely angry about and Jonghyun is getting better at figuring out when he's just making shit up to cause problems, he settles a lot for disgruntled and pouty. "you're cute when you're grumpy," Jonghyun says.  which, of course, makes Taemin even grumpier. he presses his legs down, squishing Jonghyun to the floor with the lightest pressure, and grumbles, "you're cute when you're." he hesitates, mumbles nonsense words under his breath as he tries to search for something to say, and concludes with just, "here.” and, well. if that's not a good enough reason to stick around, then Jonghyun doesn't know what is. a lot of things suck, but at least his boyfriend has a crush on him.