#I've wanted to do this for a while but my brain wasn't cooperating

[kithtaehyung]

hello this might be a bit of a jumbled mess of thoughts but let me tell you some of the thoughts i had while reading fugue <3

there was something deeply satisfying about yoongi not really saying those three words to ex. my memory is shit so if he did still to me he didn't in these flashbacks. i know its implied but something about you saving those words in the text just for reader AHHHHHH

nei said something about this to you yesterday but i love how deeply you understand yoongi. him never shouting feels very realistic to him. I can't imagine him ever getting to that point with his partner.

"even cooking was an issue" RYEN your fucking brain 😚 cooking has always been such an intergral part of reader and yoongi's relationship. he is finally getting all he needs and deserves with reader. everything's easier with reader

i said this yesterday in the server but yoongi and that tragic person he once thought he loved remind me so much of similar things i've been through. it was kind of triggering but thankfully i'm in a place where i can handle it a lot better now. it was so real and really reminded me that i wasn't crazy. it's wild how you can keep pretending not to see things because you don't think you will ever find anyone else to love you. that tragic person yoongi once thought he loved isolated him away from his friends and his life passion and wrote it so well.

THANK YOU for the rose cameo again. as someone who is about to see them for the fourth time i will always want and appreciate more of them.

every second reading about that tragic person yoongi once thought he loved made me think that you should should consider having them meet a terrible terrible fate. you shouldn't be allowed to drain the light from the stars and continue to walk around like nothing happened.

yoongi thinking that he needs to deal with all these memories and emotions on his own makes me SICK. baby boy you have so many friends that would be there for you !!!!

the cat not eating the food is making me feel like my heart is being beat with a fucking hammer until it's pulverized into unrecognizable pieces.

"but only if you cooperate" i started crying six minutes before this line, but the way that they care about hinm makes me even more emotional

i'm so thankful that jimin and tae take no shit from him and will stay until he is pulled out of his funk and finally unloads whats weighing so heavy on him.

YOONGI IS SO FUCKING IN LOVE !!! RYEN DO YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST GET AWAY WITH THAT okay i think thats all for now ! thank you for this chapter ryen <3 it was worth the wait times 1000000

holy shit, rae. this was jam packed with commentary and i know we talked about a lot of fugue in the server fugue hype channel but wow, i am floored! gonna respond to everything under the cut:

there was something deeply satisfying about yoongi not really saying those three words to ex. my memory is shit so if he did still to me he didn't in these flashbacks. i know its implied but something about you saving those words in the text just for reader AHHHHHH

ahhhh you caught this! so when he went back into that memory, he hears himself say the words but they aren't written on the page. great catch.

nei said something about this to you yesterday but i love how deeply you understand yoongi. him never shouting feels very realistic to him. I can't imagine him ever getting to that point with his partner.

oh gosh, thank you.. i just couldn't see him doing that and it didn't feel right to write. it hurt all the same, though, because this is a whole other layer of hurt getting verbally abused and just calmly responding

"even cooking was an issue" RYEN your fucking brain 😚 cooking has always been such an intergral part of reader and yoongi's relationship. he is finally getting all he needs and deserves with reader. everything's easier with reader

YESSSSS the way they spend so much time cooking together or just in the kitchen together - to the point where they point it out or think about that fact separately :'))) and here we have someone that didn't even like the idea of cooking. what a difference.

i said this yesterday in the server but yoongi and that tragic person he once thought he loved remind me so much of similar things i've been through. it was kind of triggering but thankfully i'm in a place where i can handle it a lot better now. it was so real and really reminded me that i wasn't crazy. it's wild how you can keep pretending not to see things because you don't think you will ever find anyone else to love you. that tragic person yoongi once thought he loved isolated him away from his friends and his life passion and wrote it so well.

just wanna give you the biggest hug. sending all the tissues ever and i'm just happy you're in a much better place now. it's def a whole different perspective from the other side, isn't it? like. it's really something to be in it and not know how bad it is, then turn around to look back and realize "what the hell was that?" but we can all make it, we can free ourselves and be better for it on the other side! and we should nottt blame ourselves for taking long to leave that. it's not easy.

THANK YOU for the rose cameo again. as someone who is about to see them for the fourth time i will always want and appreciate more of them.

YES YES YES i was wondering if you were gonna mention them!! have fun seeing them for a fourth time omg

every second reading about that tragic person yoongi once thought he loved made me think that you should should consider having them meet a terrible terrible fate. you shouldn't be allowed to drain the light from the stars and continue to walk around like nothing happened.

oh gosh yeah... that's valid. very very valid. like who the fuck dares to treat our 3tan yoongi like that?? who knows what's in store but i will keep all the reactions to the ex in mind!

yoongi thinking that he needs to deal with all these memories and emotions on his own makes me SICK. baby boy you have so many friends that would be there for you !!!!

exactly... but he learned! he's still growing up and learning from experience and his stumbles. thank god for park jimin, for tae, for bro, for reader.. all of them.

the cat not eating the food is making me feel like my heart is being beat with a fucking hammer until it's pulverized into unrecognizable pieces.

yeah i cried.

"but only if you cooperate" i started crying six minutes before this line, but the way that they care about hinm makes me even more emotional. i'm so thankful that jimin and tae take no shit from him and will stay until he is pulled out of his funk and finally unloads whats weighing so heavy on him.

yes! these two deserve the whole damn world if i can help it!! seriously, the fact that tae is making yoongi take action and is not just feeding him things is PEAK behavior. because yes, we are here to help you, but you're gonna help yourself, too. and then when they talked long into the nights... god, i love them all.

YOONGI IS SO FUCKING IN LOVE !!! RYEN DO YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST GET AWAY WITH THAT okay i think thats all for now ! thank you for this chapter ryen <3 it was worth the wait times 1000000

LMFAOOOO NOW REREAD BUSTED THROUGH BROKEN AND ITS GONNA FUCKING HITTTTTT oh my god!!! thank you for the amazing and thoughtful and emotional review. this made me so damn happy you have no idea. thank you, i will work hard to bring you more

[celinamarniss]

Year in Review

In 2024 I posted 4 fics at 53,035 words.

Previous years:

2023: 4 fics at 58,153 words

2022: 4 fics at 45,096 words.

2021: 3 fics posted, 55,788 words.

2020: 7 or 10 fics posted, 125,738 words.

2019: 7 fics posted, 72,149 words.

2018: 7 fics posted, 87,752 words

2016: 9 fics posted, 51,643 words

2017: 9 fics posted, 115,336 words

2016: 9 fics posted, 51,653 words

In total, 52 fics posted to Ao3.

Thrones, Dominions

31,420 words, explicit, Thrawn/Mara/Luke

I finally wrapped up the Triumvirate verse with a big flashy finale (and bound it, too). I started Triumvirate in 2019, which means I've spent six years on this series, and that blows my mind a little. (a lot).

Will there be more Triumvirate stories? I genuinely hope that other writers will take up the torch and write more fic for all fans of the series. I’m not sure if I’ll write any more myself. It could happen. But for now, I’m happy to let this series rest.

An Oral History of the Ewok Bikers of Endor

4,115, gen, an Uncommon Hazards fic

I pitched three story ideas to the From A Legends Point of View fic collection, and this is the concept they accepted. It takes an idea from the Uncommon Hazards series, that post-Endor, Ewoks have immigrated to Coruscant and started an illegal swoop racing industry.

As I began to write it, I realized that the fic challenge required 5k and this story wasn't much more than a 3k concept. I stretched it out to 4. I'm not sure that this story was exactly what the mods had in mind, but it was fun finding ways to bring in characters and reference different types of media.

A Smuggler’s Guide to Joining the Rebellion

14,355 words so far, gen, the sequel to The Things You Find on Tatooine.

I wanted to get this fic through all of ANH by the end of the year, but my brain didn't cooperate and I ran out of time. But Smuggler's Guide has been a fun distraction to carry through into 2025.

The Coruscant Job

3,145, gen, Fenig Nabon/Ghitsa Dogder

Who? you may ask. Why, the super obscure con artist team that appeared in three short stories in the 90s. AKA the Fenig Nabon/Ghitsa Dogder fic literally no one asked for, because no one even knows who these characters ARE. This was another idea I pitched to the FALPOV challenge, and while it wasn't selected, I wanted to write it anyway. It turns out that was a good decision, because what I wrote wouldn't have followed all of the FALPOV rules. (My idea moves their timeline forward and retcons the story “Credit for Your Thoughts.”) 

GOALS FOR 2025

Finish A Smuggler’s Guide to Joining the Rebellion (teen, Luke/Mara) The ongoing project. Progress: five chapters posted, uhhhh lots of scraps and and partial drafts in a doc.

Lando Calrissian and the Jewel of Andara (gen, Lando/Karrde, Luke/Mara) The Lando and Mara heist romcom I’ve been promising forever. Will 2025 finally be this fic's year??? at this point, I don't even know. Progress: three chapters drafted, but in need of heavy revision.

Experiments (teen? Luke/Mara) I honestly started to think this fic was dead dead, but this year I dusted off the old files and finished drafting the first two chapters. What happens next? I'm not really sure. I feel like this period/setting (Mara on Coruscant post TTT, pre Yavin) has already been well-worn by other fics recently and I don't know if there will be any interest in it. If I keep going, I'll have to come up with a outline and figure out what I want to do with the fic. Progress: two chapters drafted, but they may need to be merged into one chapter.

Other fics on the backburner:

Courtship remix

Daughter of the Rain and Snow (dead???)

More daemon fic! (I always want to write more daemon fic)

[filthyjoetini]

Stumblin' In

a/n: Hello loves! I'm back! And this time I've pre written 3/4 of a story...who is she?! I don't know her. Soooo...this little story will have four parts and is (very) loosely based on something that happened in Venice when I saw Joe...(still not over it tbh...heh). Thank you to my warrior editor and influence for this story @barfightzanddiscolightz. &lt;3

warnings: none

wordcount: 1.9k (she's short)

part 2 - part 3 - part 4

You blinked rapidly, trying to adjust your eyes to the brightness that suddenly overtook the previously dimly lit screening room of the cinema you were sitting in. Your brain just wasn't made for such quick changes, especially while it was still processing what had just happened on screen. The film you had chosen to watch was one of those arthouse indie productions that attracts all kinds of people from all walks of life.

Slowly you pushed yourself out of the plush seat and stretched your arms over your head. Your ever-weary limbs and joints popped, and you feared that one of the at least 50 other people in the room had heard it. 

Taking your time, you picked up your trusty leather jacket, which had once belonged to your father, and pulled it on. You shoved your hands into its pockets to retrieve your mobile phone. As you checked your unread messages, your eyes moved from the screen to your Dr. Martens-clad feet. You had undone the laces, wanting to be as comfortable as possible. Shrugging, you began to walk down the aisle, the laces whipping your jeans-covered calves, shins, and other seats along the way. You told yourself you would tie them once you had reached the atrium.

With your face almost buried in the screen of your phone, you stepped to the top of the stairs and began your descent. Not even three steps down, you stumbled over your now tangled shoelaces and instantly lost your footing. With a small yelp, you practically flew down the stairs, right into the back of someone's legs. The abrupt stop sent your phone flying down the hallway and past the curtain, as your head snapped back, slamming into the steps. The impact made your breath catch in your lungs and you let out a small whimper.

"Oh my God! Are you alright?"

With blurred vision and eyes refusing to cooperate, you tried to make out who was speaking to you. You knew it was a man from the voice, but his features were a mystery in the blur. Your eyes not working the way you wanted them to made you let out a frustrated sigh. You began slowly blinking your eyes, hoping for a clearer perspective, before giving up and closing them completely.

"Hey! No! Open your eyes!"

You sluggishly opened them again, your vision still as blurred as before. Lifting your arm, you tried to touch the man hovering above you. The movement sent a jolting pain through your arm, up your neck, and into the back of your head.

"Ouch.", you hissed.

"'Yeah, ouch.”, replied the still blurry man. "Please focus on me, can you do that for me?"

 "Yep.", you lied. You couldn't focus on shit, because in addition to your blurred vision, your head was throbbing like you'd been hit by a freight train.

"Okay. Cool. You hit your head pretty hard. Can you move your legs?"

You made slow, jerky movements with your legs, wiggling your toes in your boots, not realising he couldn't see them.

"Okay. They work. Good! That means, no spinal injury.”, the man said, obviously relieved. "I'm going to move you now, is that alright?"

You nodded and immediately regretted it. Your head hurt like hell. How could a carpeted step hurt so much?

Warm hands slowly pushed under your arms and knees and then suddenly, but slowly, strong arms lifted you up and close to an even warmer body. As gentle as he was, the movement of your body was still very uncomfortable and made you whimper again.

"I know. I'm sorry.”, the man who was now walking spoke softly. As you both passed through the curtain into the even brighter hallway, you turned your head towards the man's chest to avoid the glaring overhead lights. You pressed your face into the fabric of his top and inhaled deeply. He smelled damn good.

"...is there a room I can take her to? She hit her head on the stairs when she fell. Also, could you call the A&E, I think she has a concussion."

"Sure, follow me please.”, a new feminine voice said and then there was a static crackle. "Henry, can you please call A&E, we have an injured woman with a suspected concussion."

"Copy. A&E is being called.”, came back Henry's very staticky voice over what you assumed was a walkie-talkie.

A few moments later you heard a door open and were carried very carefully into a small, office-like room.

"You can put her on the sofa. The paramedics will be here any minute."

Gently you were lowered onto the sofa. Gone were the strong arms and the warmth, and you began to shiver. Your eyes slowly began to focus, and you could finally see, though still blurred, the man who had been helping you. He was tall and handsome. His dark blonde hair was curly, and his face had a very patchy five o'clock shadow. But the most striking thing about his face was his huge, baby cow eyes, which were currently wearing a worried expression. Your gaze moved slowly down his body. He was wearing brown trousers with black loafers and a beige cable-knit jumper, topped off with a very expensive looking black trench coat. Visually, he was the exact opposite of you. You had opted for your usual all-black autumn outfit.

With a small but noticeable smile, you closed your eyes for a second and another shiver ran through your body. Unexpectedly, you were suddenly covered by a blanket. Slowly you opened your eyes to see that it wasn't a blanket, but the man's trench coat.

"Thank you...", you whispered. You were surprised at how weak your voice sounded, but the drowsiness that was slowly creeping up on you made it difficult to speak. Your eyes closed again.

"You're welcome...hey! No! Don't fall asleep!"

"But I'm so sleepy."

"I know, but you can't."

The man's voice was very close now, and as you felt hands cupping your face, your eyes shot open again. You looked up at him with wide eyes, he was kneeling beside the sofa and his own eyes held yours in an equally steady gaze.

“You literally can’t fall asleep because you took quite the tumble there, Humpty Dumpty and I’m 99 percent sure you incurred a concussion.”, he explained with a grin. "Besides, you keep moving your head when you should be holding it still. If I have to hold your face to keep you awake and mostly still, I will gladly continue holding it."

You didn't respond to him. You just kept staring at him and he had the audacity to just stare back at you with his big, wet, brown puppy dog eyes. 

A few moments later there was a knock on the door and two paramedics with a stretcher made their way inside.

"Hello there! You must be our patient.”, one of the paramedics said as he made his way over to you. He then looked down at Mr. Baby-Cow-Puppy-Eyes and spoke again. "Sir, may I ask you to move so we can examine her?"

"Uh... sure.”, he replied, taking his hands off your face, slowly rising to his feet. You groaned weakly as his fingers lightly brushed your jaw and he let out a soft snort before turning to the medic. "I was just trying to keep her awake. She fell down the stairs and hit her head on one of the bottom steps."

"Thank you.”, the second paramedic said, moving in to examine your head and neck. Your rescuer stepped back and moved to the corner of the room with his arms crossed over his chest to wait. He was still in your line of sight, so you looked at him occasionally to make sure he was still there, and every time you did, he smiled sweetly at you.

"Ooookay.", the second paramedic said as soon as she concluded her examination. "You have a mild to moderate concussion and swelling on the back of your head. We need to take you to the hospital for a 24-hour observation."

You frowned at her, and she smiled sympathetically. "Do you want your boyfriend to come with us?"

"Who?" you asked, a confused expression on your face.

"Him.”, she said, pointing to the corner where your knight in a cable-knit jumper was standing.

"I'm not her boyfriend. I'm the one she collided with.”, he chuckled and shook his head.

"Alright, I'll take that as a no.”, the paramedic grinned at him and then down at you. "Are you ready to be hoisted onto the stretcher?" 

"Um...", you started, then suddenly panicked as you softly patted your jacket and jeans pockets. Your mobile phone - you didn't have it on you. "Wait! My phone! It must have slipped out of my hand or pockets when I went all humanoid egg earlier..."

Your reference to the handsome man's earlier statement made him burst out into laughter.

"She hasn't lost her sense of humour. Good.”, the first paramedic said with a chuckle, and began to lift you up by your feet, while the other paramedic assisted him by simultaneously lifting you up by your torso. The coat that still covered you was about to slip off your body if you hadn't grabbed it as if it were your lifeline. In a way it was your lifeline, for you were still cold, and the weight of the fabric did an excellent job of keeping you warm.

"I'll go look for it. Just give me a second.”, expensive trench coat guy announced, and quickly slipped out of the room.

Not even five minutes later he returned, waving your mobile phone in the air.

"Here you go.”, he smiled, handing you the phone but not letting go of it. "Please keep me informed about your condition." Just as he started to remove his hand from your phone, he added: "And you can keep my coat for now, but I want it back at some point."

"OK. I will, and you'll get it back... at some point.”, you promised, as the two paramedics wheeled you out of the small room. Halfway down the hallway you suddenly realised that you didn't have his contact details. How were you going to let him know how you were?

"Wait! Stop!", you shouted, making yourself jump more than the two people you were addressing. "Can you please turn around?"

"All right, but just for a second. We really need to get you to the hospital.”, the male paramedic explained impatiently, and they both turned the stretcher around and were about to push you back when you saw him standing in the hallway, leaning against the wall.

"I don't have your number!", you called, waving your mobile.

"Check your contacts.”, he urged with a wink, before pushing himself away from the wall and walking the other way. "Keep me updated!"

"I will!"

The two paramedics turned the stretcher around again and began to push it hastily towards the cinema's delivery entrance where the ambulance was parked. All the while, you unlocked your phone to see if he had really left you his number. He had to have. How else would he get his coat back?

Quickly, you opened your contacts app and there it was: a new entry.

Next to the emoji with the bandage on its head was his name:

Joe.

Grinning to yourself, you locked your phone and put it to your chest as the ambulance sped off to the hospital...

Taglist:

@ohmeg @daleyeahson @lma1986 @palomahasenteredthechat @mandyjo8719 @aysheashea @eddiebaemunson @littledemon-lilith @freakymunson @sidthedollface2 @i-wont-run-this-time @plk-18 @miserybeans @kylakins88 @deadspellz @thehillzhaveeyez @kayleeelena97 @foreverjosephquinn @punctualhowell @icallhimjoey @ghostinthebackofyourhead @siriuslysmoking @cancankiki @definitionwanderlust @eriancrow @1paire2vans @theonewiththecrackedmind @captainonaboat @josephquinnsfreckles @emilyslutface @alessxaa

crossed out = couldn't tag

[moyokeansimblr]

Moyo life update

Hey friends so yeah uhm... Well after our old man kitty Zook passed on the 4th my dad decided pretty much immediately that we'd be getting kittens because he thought we needed kitten therapy. Initially the plan was only to get 1-2 because we do still have Sophie (Zook's sister) and while she adores the pants off me she's admittedly a grouchy old lady towards everyone else so we weren't sure how she'd do with a kitten. She's also 15.5 so that's why my dad wanted more than one kitten because Sophie doesn't play much.

My brother's girlfriend knew a family that had a litter of 4 kittens and the plan was for us to take 2 so as to not overwhelm Soph. But get this: on the 4th while my mom and brother were saying goodbye to Zook at our vet... a 12 week old kitten just waltzes up to the door! One of the vet techs grabbed him and was like omg he's here for them! But the other tech wouldn't let her interrupt my mom & brother so she took him home with the plan to tell us about him when we were slightly less sad. When my mom called the vet Friday morning to settle our account she told us about him and he was ours an hour later. My brother named him Waffle (short for wunderwaffe dg2, idk spelling I don't play cod).

But we still wanted Waffle to have someone who wasn't 15 years older than him so Saturday morning we went to meet the litter of 4 kittens my brother's girlfriend's mom's friend had. It was pretty easy, two of them clearly liked us most right away. So by mid day Saturday had two more kittens. They're 8 weeks, and named Pez and Cooper. Cooper is the runt and the first thing my brother's girlfriend said when she saw him was oh my god he's so derpy. 😹 But my dad said he thinks Pez knows Cooper is a little behind and looks out for him.

So far they're all separate. Waffle has his space, Pez and Cooper have a space, and then Sophie has reign of the house. They've had a few supervised meetings that have gone well. Sophie's gave her warning hisses if they've gotten too close but otherwise has just watched them. Pez and Cooper aren't scared at all because they came from a house full of other animals but Waffle is pretty scared. He gets all poofy and growls both at Sophie and the other kittens but we don't think he's had experience with other cats since nobody knows where he came from. So we're working on him so he'll be less scared.

ANYWAYS, because I work part time and from home I am the primary cat carer. Between all the cleaning/kitten proofing, giving Sophie ample attention, and acclimating all three kittens I'm utterly brain fried. I've been trying to work on some CC but I've not been able to sit down and actually play sims at all in weeks what with how sick Zook was and now kittens. I did have a sims 2 birthday gift planned but there's no way I'll get to finish it or any of the other CC I've got in progress by that date. I really just want to play but I'm in cat mode so it's what it is. But in the meantime while I can't play I've been watching a lot of sims YouTube content instead (like sammy sundog's service area videos) so that I can still get my sims fix until whenever I get to play again.

I'll end this post with a pic of my good old girl Sophie because she's handling all of these changes pretty damn great so far. But yeah long story short basically I don't have anything sims to contribute to Tumblr right now. Hopefully soon.

[alexanderwales]

now whenever i see mention of libraries my mind goes to the culture's libraries. for me it's definitely one of the more iconic bits of the new world

i'm curious what the balance of research/inspiration vs pure concept work was, for markat's culture. it's probably the most convincing depictions of widespread decommodification i've seen, as well as being a society that just operates on different principles. how much reading into societal reform proposals did it take?

It's hard to know what's research time and what's just idle reading time that's in the region of the thing I'm interested in, but my guess would be 10 hours or so, not that much in the scheme of things.

A lot of the reading was, to me, kind of confused about certain things, or just not focused on them in a way that wasn't useful for worldbuilding. Like yes, you can replace clothing stores with clothing libraries, and that gives you problems that you need to solve like what to do when someone wants to just hoard things, and much of that can just be solved through reinforcement-of-culture mechanisms, like communal meals that force people together, relative plenty, and having people stay vigilant.

But then you get to things like "okay, how do police work" and you get into the weeds pretty fast. Vastly reduce the scope of what "police" so? Yeah, sure. Improve material conditions that underlie a lot of criminality? Also yes. But two people get into an argument about some bullshit, and they attack each other ... eventually you do need an answer for what your society is going to do about that, and that's one of the answers that I found lacking, at least in my reading.

Or serial killers, psychopaths, you can't just not have those, every society would opt for not having those if they could. So what do you do with them? What do you do with people who are a danger to others, whether temporarily or permanently? There is such a thing as incurably mental illness that makes a person unfit for society, sadly. So you have mediation and "social work" and a bunch of other things, along with "the culture", but then there are also mechanisms tucked away, or rebranded, or reframed, such that yeah, there's a guy taking you away, and maybe you don't care that much whether he's a "police officer" or "wellness consultant" or whatever. It's a bullet that I think they're fine biting in this world, but not one that a lot of the people I was reading from wanted to chomp down on.

And then there are larger issues, like the international ones, one city growing fat while another withers, or warfare with outsiders, and those are where there are more bullets to bite. Peace and love is great unless your neighbors are not into practicing peace and love, and then you need to have some answer. Free movement is great until you're a city whose population is slipping away, getting brain drained, and then ... you just let that happen, I guess? There are global issues, basically, that need to be dealt with somehow unless everyone is in lockstep with their neighbors, and maybe even then. It's hugely complicated, and the answer here is the Intra-Cooperative Global Command Authority, which spits in the face of decentralization, but the culture sort of acknowledges that there are going to be contradictions, and that you can't let ideological purism shoot you in the foot.

So to get back to the question, I think it's a mix of reading and inventing, and a lot of the inventions are just for things that I couldn't find what I felt were solid answers for. I also probably read less than I should have, but since the ideas are so outside of mainstream, there are a lot of people who have very different ideas, and who are writing for different reasons.

(I wish that I kept a reading list, but I didn't, and was mostly reading websites rather than actual books, maybe another flaw in my sporadic research approach.)

[hestzhyen]

All Caught (Heh) Up

I got to chapter 203 today and was very, very sad to catch up to current... I've got brainworms for a few things but for now I'll settle with this.

Fearful jealousy never looked so cute.

I wasn't very sure about the latest training arc into this game; the pacing felt off for reasons I'll think about later when I re-read the series in chunks for analysis purposes. But basically the new first-years getting the focus right now seem like Nishiura characters we already know, just back as their first year versions. They'll need more time to grow on me despite being around for some time already I guess.

At any rate, seeing Mihashi's reactions swinging from "Yay I'm a reliable sempai!" to "THAT'S MY SPOT ABE'S SUPPOSED TO CATCH FOR ME REEEEEEEEE" with a healthy dose of "They won't replace me as the ace, right?!" is very funny. He's such a mess still even if he's grown leaps and bounds since the start of the series. Abe, come and calm down your ace before he chews through a whole bench.

But there's a swing I noticed in Abe's characterisation in this new arc that's left me feeling a little put out. They're really leaning hard into the anti-social aspects of his personality; he's still caring as a catcher for his pitcher, yet it's like he's regressed from caring about his teammates as people in a way. He's still doing much better at understanding Mihashi but there's a lot of emphasis on how little he cares about everything outside of baseball- even to the point that he doesn't bother to keep in contact with anyone unrelated to the sport.

Abe's always been framed as a caring but easily misunderstood type until now so I wonder what happened. Are we just in the middle of an arc where we're going to see Horii come to trust him like Mihashi does? Is he going to get called out or have an epiphany that he needs to care about people as more than tools for baseball? Inquiring minds want to know...

I think I'll have a lot more to say like usual in the coming days as I digest everything and re-read sections that I need to, but I'm happy to be here with the Nishiura kids, Momokan, and all the moms once more. I can't wait to see how far they go as a team of second and first years this time!

This is still mostly a Kagurabachi blog but it's a good time to start writing about other series, especially just for a change of pace so I don't burn out on Goldfish Batman's story while I'm not enjoying the current arc. Oofuri topics I may or may not cover, brain cooperation depending: -Why Read Oofuri in 2025 -Story Highs and Lows -Abe & Mihashi's growth (as a battery & individually) -The Shinooka Situation -Character analysis for Hanai -Character analysis for Momokan -Character analysis for Tajima -Why Ship AbeMiha -What's With the Weird Romance Flags -General character impressions and growth summaries -Start of Second Year impressions

I don't think I'll have anything ready soon since I need to re-read arcs in chunks and there are over 200 very long chapters + omake and bonuses to go through. But I definitely want to do some long in-depth yaps about things that stand out to me. And do all my usual stuff for Kagurabachi while working on a handful of fics and independent projects, alongside IRL stuff... yeah. This is more like a wish list than a to-do list. But we'll see what happens.

[broken-clover]

28, 29, 40? :]

Ohh, fun picks!

28. Do you still buy physical games?

Only under select circumstances will I *not.* I've always had a dislike for console games that are download-only and even though I have less vitriol for something like Steam being pretty much entirely non-physical games I still prefer having something tangible whenever possible. I waited several months for We <3 Katamari Reroll even after it came out because I couldn't find a physical copy anywhere and I refused to buy it digitally. I bought Bugsnax digitally like two years ago and I still feel bad about it

29. Favorite childhood game?

Aaaaand I'm already stumped. Part of me's waffling on how to interpret 'childhood,' should I only include games from when I was really really young, or anything from when I was under eighteen? Well, I'll try not to overthink it...

Both the Katamari and Sly Cooper series are near and dear to my heart, I talk about them a lot. Admittedly a lot of them time when I was little I wasn't very good at paying gamed so I'd mostly watch my father or my big sister play them. LittleBigPlanet 1 and 2 were games I remember playing myself, and probably way too much of, but the whimsical style and creative concepts had me hooked

I think one I really want to mention, while it's maybe not my 'favorite,' it's the first time I ever really conceptualized video games as a form of art as opposed to just 'something you can play.' I hadn't been particularly into the Mario series when I was young, but when Super Mario Galaxy came out, it absolutely entranced me. Was I absolute pits at it because I was a dumb little kid who had no idea how the hell motion controls worked? Yes, absolutely. But the music, the beautiful skies and sheer variety of weird and wonderful concepts for planets did something to my kid brain and I'm eternally thankful for it

40. Best game cover art.

See now this one is a trick question, it's the copy of Corportate Bureaucracy- uh, I mean Crash Bandicoot 4 that my little sibling covered in printed stickers

In terms of non-joke answers...that's a little tough. Admittedly it's not something I tend to pay a lot of attention to, and obviously what makes good art for a game is really subjective.

But after mulling on it a bit, I'm tied for two. Neither being games I've actually played!

I remember seeing this game for sale way back when (though not this cover, I think, since this is the European version? But I'm pretty sure it was similar...) and even though I hadn't played anything from that series (still haven't to this day) something about the aesthetic stuck with me. The glowing lights in the background and the dynamic pose are simple but eye-catching, it does a really good job of showing a sense of whimsical mystery. No idea if the game is any good, though

While I haven't played Kingdom Hearts, I used to watch my sister play the first game way back when. It confused the hell out of me, but given that at the time I was only really familiar with platformers and whatever the hell Katamari was, I was pretty blown away by the scope of something like an RPG. I remember in particular the opening menu music and the BGM for traverse town puzzling me a little in how it felt haunting but comfortable at the same time. That's kinda how the cover art made me feel, too. The creepy towers, giant moon and general seriousness in everyone's expressions were a little spooky, but the style it was in and the way everyone was posed felt inexplicably inviting and comforting. I mean, hell, if you manage to make Goofy look cool, you must be doing something right, right?

[brucewaynehater101]

Hello, wanted to pop in an ask if an ask I sent like maybe a week ago was nuked by tumblr or not, it's the ask comparing Jason to The King in Yellow's in-universe script play and the play's Act 2

Don't worry if it did get nuked cuz I have the original text I put in my ask saved on my computer and can just send it again if that's the case

Highest apologies for any pressure you feel because of this ask, don't feel such nor the need to respond faster to asks due to mine, I just wanna make sure my ask wasn't nuked

Hi!!

Absolutely don't mind answering this or if anyone else has questions on whether Tumblr gobbles up your ask. I did get this one, so no worries ^^

I did want to take this ask just to clarify that some of y'all's asks are taking a while to respond to. It's not cause I don't want to, or I won't (just putting that reassurance out there). There's just been an increase in how many asks I'm getting that it's been a wee bit hard to keep up with.

I love love love y'all's asks. So much. Unbelievable so. There are 0 issues with sending in asks. Even though there's a lot in my ask box, feel free to send more (I get anxiety, so I'm trying to reassure anyone else who might get some about this response).

Sometimes, I can't respond to an ask for a bit due to the other asks, and I'm trying to give each one the time they deserve. My brain just doesn't always cooperate :(

However, I will absolutely answer any asks that aren't mean (I've only had one mean one so far, so we're usually good in that department).

I do apologize to the asks that have been sitting in there for about a month or so, but it's not cause of their content. Idk if I need to reassure that, but it's never about their content.

I'm trying to answer 'em in order, but my brain can be a jerk. I've also probably thrown myself into too many hobbies (gaming, answering asks, two blogs, reviewing comics, and fanfic writing and reading).

Essentially, this entire response is, "It's not you, it's me," lmao.

I very much enjoy asking, and I'm excited to answer them when I get the chance ^^

[leap-loves]

Dance 2: Country Rock Boogaloo

RubyBoot has taken over my entire brain and I've finally bullied my brain into cooperating with me and writing something for them.... so have 2k+ words of brain go brr- XD [And no this isn't a sequel to anything, I just have another dancing prompt I could work with and I like the name so YEET-]

“Are you sure this is a good idea…?” Ruby asked, not bothering to hide her uncertainty as she followed Boothill to Aeons knows where. It isn't that she doesn't trust him, she's just… hoping he thought through whatever plan he has going on in that head of his. 

Boothill responded with a laugh and a grin. “Relaaaaax darlin’, it'll be fine,” he insisted as he gently tugged her down the road. 

Was his plan a bit risky? Yeah, probably. But if it works how he wants, it'll be worth whatever trouble comes their way. 

Shaking her head with a sigh, Ruby finally relented with a fond smile. “Alright, alright, I trust you.” 

Fortunately, it didn't take long for them reach their destination. 

“A… club?” 

“Yup!” Boothill beamed, gently tugging her right up to the door.

She could already hear the music inside, high energy and popular. Not something she would expect Boothill to willingly subject himself to. Then again, he's full of surprises. So she simply followed his lead, hoping that they wouldn't draw too terribly much attention… as unlikely as that was considering he was wanted by the IPC and 90% metal, and she had opted for something in between her Penaconian style and her home style. But a girl can dream. 

Ruby followed after Boothill, finding herself looping her arm with his and following after him as he parted the crowd so they could find a corner to adjust to the loud music and dim lighting. While he's trying to help her break out of her shell, he's not so cruel as to shove her in the deep end with this. 

“I didn’t take you as a club kind of person, ‘Hill,” she admitted after tugging his sleeve some to encourage him to lean down. She wasn't going to shred her vocal chords trying to shout over the music right now. 

He shrugged casually in response. “I'm not, normally.” He might as well be honest, after all. “But they do take requests, so it's not half bad.”

That clarified very little for Ruby, but as with everything with Boothill, the fewer questions asked, the better. She'd figure it out eventually. 

“How ‘bout a drink, ta help us loosen up?” He offered, his smile so much softer. A genuine offer, no mischief or tricks. 

After a moment of consideration, Ruby nodded. “Yes, please. I trust your judgement. Jus’… try not to take too long, ‘kay?” 

Lighting up at her acceptance, he gave her hand a squeeze of affirmation and tipped his hat playfully. “I'll be back before you can even miss me,” he reassured before disappearing into the crowd. For being a massive hunk of mostly metal, he blends in impressively well. 

Ruby took to focusing on her surroundings, absently swaying to the music to try and relax and adjust. She focused on mimicking the people around her, much more subtly for now. This was so different from the dances on Penacony, or even Aeragan-Epharshel. 

Penacony’s dances were grand and lively in an orchestral manner, even in their own clubs it was all so classy and high-end. Even the more ‘modern’ areas that tried to appeal to younger generations didn't play music quite like this… and the dances weren't quite so… hip-centric. 

Aeragan-Epharshel music as Ruby remembered it was more… homely. While the beat from the music was important, it was made right from the movements of the group, brought to life by the participants. All it took was 2 or more dancers, and at least one instrument, and you had a party. It's been so long but she knows those dances are still in her bones, as much a part of her as the color of her hair. 

She was snapped out of her thoughts when Boothill returned, a drink in either hand. “Yer thinkin’ too hard, I can almost hear it from here,” he teased playfully once he was close enough to her to be heard without shouting, offering her her drink. “I watched the barkeep make it, don't worry.” 

Appreciating the reassurance, Ruby nodded and took the glass with both hands. “If you can hear my thoughts, you've gained quite the skill.” 

“What can I say?” Boothill beamed, winking at her, “I'm a man of many talents.” 

Ruby flushed at the wink, rolling her eyes and nudging him playfully with her prosthetic. She finally took the chance to take a sip of her drink, humming approvingly. Appropriately sweet, but she could still feel the kick. Just like she likes it. 

“Looks like you're already enjoying yourself,” Boothill teased lightheartedly, putting a protective arm around her shoulders, “gettin’ a feel for the music?”

Nodding to his question, she looked up as he took a sip of his own drink. “It's different than Penacony or Aeragan-Epharshel, but it's simple enough to mimic.”

Boothill waved the hand that was around her dismissively. “Don't worry about blendin’ in, darlin’. Just relax and be you.” 

Ruby snorted and shook her head in response. “Easier said than done, ‘Hill…” she mumbled into her glass before taking another sip. 

The fact that he didn't try to argue, to start up their usual back and forth about him trying to help her relax and embrace her roots again while she reminds him that this is who she became for the sake of survival and it's not exactly easy to just turn it off, was enough to make her pause. That's not like him… 

When they finished their drinks, Boothill offered his hand to take her glass. “I'll go take them back for ya.” 

Deciding not to question his frequent disappearances, she nodded and handed him her glass, and watched him disappear back into the crowd. 

Boothill took the glasses back to the bar, just like he said he would. But before going back to Ruby, he detoured to head up to the DJ. The music was almost deafening up so close to the speakers, but Boothill at least has the advantage of being used to frequent gunfire in his face, so it wasn't near as debilitating for him as it would be most. 

It didn't take long for the DJ to acknowledge him, moving one of the cups of his headphones so he could talk to Boothill while letting the music do it's thing. 

“What can I do for ya, my man?”

Boothill brought out a note from a hidden pocket that he'd prepared, offering it over to the DJ. It was easier than trying to tell him which songs he was after. 

The DJ didn't seem phased by the passed note, but did quirk a brow once registering the selections. “Y’know, these don't exactly fit the vibes…” 

Boothill crossed his arms in response. “The goal is to keep energy up, yeah? Everyone having a good time?” When the DJ nodded, he continued. “Play one of those, or something along those lines, and you'll see people having the best time of their life.” 

The DJ still seemed uncertain, looking the note over again. “I dunno man…”

Sighing, Boothill nudged him before gesturing towards where Ruby was, careful not to draw unwanted attention to her. “See that lady down there, with the red hair?” Another nod. “She's been havin’ a rough forkin time, and these songs’ll cheer her up. Put those on, and you'll see beauty like nothin’ else.” 

Seeing how adamant that Boothill was, the DJ finally relented with a nod. “Aight, I'll put it on next.” 

Boothill beamed and patted his arm approvingly before going to rejoin Ruby against the wall finally. “There you are,” Ruby teased, looking up to Boothill and crossing her arms playfully, “I was starting to wonder if you went and ditched me for a bounty or something.” Boothill responded with an exaggeratedly offended gasp, even placing a hand over where his heart would be, “I would never! What kind’a man do you take me for?” 

Ruby snorted and rolled her eyes, getting on tip toe to reach up and pull the brim of his hat down slightly. “I take you as a man who likes to find trouble if it takes too long to find him.” 

Grinning at the playfulness, Boothill barked out a laugh and re-adjusted his hat to sit properly on his head once more. “I would argue… but yer not wrong.” 

“It’s almost like I know you, or something,” Ruby retorted with a small smirk of her own. 

The banter was interrupted though by the song changing, the club quieting down considerably as everyone took in the sudden genre change. Those who were far too drunk to fully register it were still dancing to their own music, but everyone else seemed a little uncertain. 

Boothill glanced back to Ruby, curious how she’d react. Based on everything he’s managed to put together, she hasn’t indulged in their own culture ever since she left, so he’s not sure how she’s going to react. He’s hoping she’ll enjoy herself in the end, at the very least. 

It didn’t take long for her to look up at him in turn, visibly uncertain, but also seeming to be putting the pieces together. Finally letting out an affectionate sigh, she shook her head and smiled at him. “You’re somethin’ else, ‘Hill.” Flashing her a bright grin, he offered a hand to her. “Still remember how to dance?” Ruby snorted and took his hand, but was the one dragging him through the crowd to get closer to the music. It would be too hard to answer him, and they’d waste precious dancing time, so she’ll just show him. 

Releasing his hand as they reached the front of the stunned crowd, Ruby moved her bangs out of her face as she started to move to the beat. 

Starting simple, she focused on getting the rhythm down with basic steps, forward and back. It didn’t take her long to get the hang of it, her eyes half lidded as she focused on letting her body move on it’s own. Muscle memory is one helluva thing. 

Onlookers gradually mimicked her movements, finding that the steps were far simpler than they expected. Some opted to instead make it up as they went, but it didn’t take long for the club to almost shake with each step and stomp from the sheer number of people following her lead. 

Ruby’s face flushed when she realized just how much attention she’d drawn, but that didn’t stop her from beaming and singing along to the music, throwing all caution and concern to the wind for now. She started to spice it up a little, adding twirls that made her skirt and hair flare and little jumps to each step. 

Panic shot through when she felt someone grab her prosthetic hand and tug her towards them, only to relax when realizing it was Boothill, finally joining the fun with a big grin. 

They didn’t have to say a word, easily falling into the rhythm of the song. Boothill pulled her close to his chest before guiding her to twirl away from him, only to pull her close once more. Their steps were perfectly in sync, Boothill scooping her up to spin her around himself a few times. 

For just a moment, it almost felt like nothing had ever happened. 

If they closed their eyes, they could fool themselves into thinking that they were still home, truly home, dancing with their friends as the sun set and bathed everything in warm light. 

Instead they were surrounded by flashing lights of every color, strangers they’d never see again. They weren’t who they used to be, having lost parts of themselves on the way to where they are now. 

It wasn’t quite the same, but it was enough. 

As the song finally ended, Ruby cheered alongside the crowd as she placed one hand on Boothill’s chest to steady herself, throwing her other hand up with glee. His arm stayed wrapped around her waist so she wouldn’t risk following, adding his own whooping to the cacophony of excitement around them. 

As the musical selection went back to normal, Ruby took Boothill’s hand to gently tug him towards the bar. She needs to sit down for a minute to catch her breath, her chest heaving from the sudden exertion, not that it did anything to lessen her smile. 

“So, still think I was up ta trouble?” Boothill teased as he sat on the stool beside her, propping his head up on his hand to give her his undivided attention. 

Ruby snorted, shaking her head with a small laugh. “Possibly, but I’ll let it slide since that was fun,” she teased lightheartedly. 

Boothill was about to retort when realizing she was wiping away some tears, his eyebrows furrowing. “Are you okay? Did ya get hurt?” She was quick to shake her head, even reaching out to grab his free arm to ensure he wouldn’t risk storming off to find someone who’d nudged her or anything. “I’m okay, I’m okay! I didn’t get hurt or anything. I just…,” she hesitated, trying to figure out how to explain it, “I’m surprised that I remember how to do that… it’s been so long…” 

Fortunately, her explanation was enough to placate him, prompting him to relax against the bar again. He shifted his arm to take her hand in his, giving it a small squeeze. “I figured as much, which is why I wanted to do this. You’re a natural though, and I would’ve loved to see what it looked like way back when.” 

She flushed and swatted at him playfully, too flustered to formulate a proper response. 

Laughing, Boothill raised a hand to request another drink for each of them, nudging Ruby’s towards her once they were brought over. “How about a toast?” “A toast?” She echoed curiously, tilting her head. “A toast,” he confirmed, “to bringing home a little bit closer.” 

Ruby’s expression softened as she nodded, lifting her glass. “To home.” 

[generisydtoo]

Splitting up Team 7....Let's get into it

Disclaimer❗️: I'm not trying to dog on anyone who makes alternate team headcanons for fun. I have my own thoughts ofc, but as long as you're truly not hurting anyone, it's not that deep. I'm sharing my thoughts on this since I've seen this take a few times over the years, but do with it what you will!

As always, you're free to share your thoughts! Just be sure to keep it respectful :)

Tbh, it baffles me when ppl say that Sakura (bc that's usually who's removed from the team in these takes) or anyone else on Team 7 would've had better development if they were assigned to a different team. I think people fail to consider that Team 7’s close, consistent proximity and becoming teammates was one of the key reasons why they were able to get past their initial impressions of each other and form a deep bond.

This is only one example, but as far as we know, no other team went on any dangerous missions like Team 7 did to the Land of Waves. Granted, that was an outlier since that mission was supposed to be a C rank; however, it was vital to their individual growth. It shaped their perceptions of each other as teammates and of the shinobi world as a whole. If Sakura, Sasuke, and/or Naruto were placed on a different team (assuming little-to-nothing else was changed in the series), I'd deem it unlikely that they would've grown to be the shinobi they became, although not as quickly.

If you want, you can view this through the lense of recent media, particularly the YA genre. There are many reasons why they tend to be set in middle/high school (though I think that's starting to change and expand, thank goodness), one of them being the outcomes of forced, consistent proximity.

The characters are placed in an environment where they're (more often than not) forced to interact; it's not like college or other settings where you can simply leave if you don't want to be there, especially without it being fair to others in your group. While it’s ultimately up to them to choose whether or not they want to become more than acquaintances with their classmate(s), their relationship has a higher chance of forming due to being consistently around each other.

The same applies to Team 7 and honestly, the other Rookie 9 teams. They were all placed on their teams- a learning and training environment with forced, consistent proximity- for a reason. Ino-Shika-Cho being placed together since they're THEE Ino-Shika-Cho trio (if any sensei had messed that iconic trio up....bless their hearts fr), and Team 8 all being trackers.

For Team 7, it was also so they could all learn and benefit from each other in some way. Naruto could benefit from Sasuke’s proficiency in ninjutsu, Sakura's intelligence, and both of their calmer personalities(give or take with Sakura) seeing as he got the lowest marks at the academy and misbehaved a lot. Sasuke could benefit from Naruto and Sakura's social and outgoing personalities seeing as he got low scores in cooperation and teamwork.

While Sakura performed well in her academics, she slacked greatly in anything pertaining to using physical strength. She could benefit from Sasuke and Naruto's taijutsu and battle skills seeing as she got low marks in taijutsu.

I think it's also worth noting that Sakura is a balance of their personalities while having her own. While she's not always on 10 like Naruto was, she was able to be social and upbeat and like him. She wasn't emotionally cold or nonchalant like Sasuke, but she was able to match his calmer "think first, act later" demeanor. Ofc, they've all had their moments and didn't act the same way all the time. I love that Team 7 can share one brain cell at times, lol.

As I said in the preface, I'm not trying to down anyone making alternate team headcanons for fun. That being said, it's just odd to me that people claim that placing them on different teams would suddenly "fix" their characters. Becoming a team was an integral part of their characterization, with each of them serving a unique purpose in one another’s growth. (This includes Sai too, though that may be a convo for another day.)

Like the title says, this was a starting "Let's get into it" post. I have more specific thoughts on this take, but these are my initial thoughts for now :).

Sources: The academy report cards are only in the physical fanbook. You can find an online transcription of it here and photo scans here!

[isa-ghost]

Hi! I was wondering if you have any tips for outlining your story?

I’m trying to work on one, but it doesn’t really want to cooperate with me when I try to outline.

Do you have any tips for what works for you?

I would say don't force it, most importantly. You won't be satisfied and it won't come out great if your heart and mind just aren't in it. Get your inspiration and creative muse going first.

I genuinely don't know how the fuck I got my plot as fleshed out as it is, I got hella lucky it kept going. It was very fuck it we ball.

I will say, I often reread what I already had planned before letting my little brain movie continue.

I can picture things in my head really clearly, so basically my brain gave me a movie of the first 5 chapters and I just let it "yes and" itself until it just kept going. Or I got specific scenes that popped into my head and then wrote from where I left off and pushed things in a direction that could make the scene true in a way that made sense and flowed well.

From there, I knew I needed to resolve conflicts I'd established ("how does Phil get EK out of his body?"), come back to certain plot points I'd planted the seeds of ("so how is Phil doing while the group is planning his rescue?"), or cover "well what's going on with x during this time?" type stuff ("how is Missa taking care of the kids on his own while this is all going on?"). So over time, I'd make sure to either devote a whole chapter or just a scene to cover the thing, whatever length felt right.

As soon as I get a rough idea of what major points I want to cover, the rest comes organically as I'm writing. For example, in Chapter 3, I did not plot the Pissa date thoroughly. My plan said "fluffy distraction date, but hes hallucinating," and eventually "Phil hallucinates an enderman which exposes he's not doing well so he confesses everything to Missa bc he can't bring himself to lie to him." I didn't plan them visiting an event venue, going on a picnic, taking pictures, anything casual they talked about before that point. I let it come out in the moment and allowed the pieces to just fall into place because over-planning something can sometimes choke the life out of it.

Though that could just be what works for me because I'm taking over a decade of roleplaying skills and fitting them to a fic. A lot of the scenes I write come out the same way I'd start a roleplay. You can see it most in the start of a chapter, because both require setting the scene before puppeting the character(s) within it.

And obligatory mention that the process isn't always linear, flowing perfectly, etc. Shit takes time and the first draft is not gonna be your last, even if only a single detail changes later. Don't expect perfection the first time, you'll limit yourself and you won't be satisfied later. It could straight up kill your motivation to write the thing at all. I've deleted whole paragraphs of text in chapter 4 because even though they were written beautifully, it wasn't what I wanted or didn't match my plan.

So basically:

Ride as long as you can on the initial idea. Milk as much Where Does This Go / What Happens Next from it as possible

Play to your strengths when writing. If you're good at describing setting or atmosphere, go nuts. If you're good at writing dialogue, weaponize that. Whatever you're best at writing, lean into that and it'll make your story shine.

Keep the things you need to conclude satisfyingly in mind. Figure out how you want to resolve the conflict(s) you've started, then steer the plot in that direction however you see fit. If you establish certain things, decide if you Need or Want to actually write it out rather than imply it happening/being done/whatever.

Make sure the events that connect two plot points together flow well and make sense, but leave room for improvising because things that unfold organically are important in order to avoid having a plot feel too "mechanical" so to speak. Not to mention things that miraculously fall into place and just fit in perfectly are super rewarding and motivating.

Don't be precious with your ideas. If something doesn't fit, suck it up and delete it (you can always copy/paste it elsewhere to keep it in case it works later on, or you're just so damn proud of what you wrote that you don't want to banish it to the void). Chances are when you rewrite the scene or steer it in a more logical direction, you'll write something you like even more. If you don't, sometimes sacrifices must be made and you can refine the new thing until it's to your liking as many times as you want. OR you can commit to the new thing you wrote, but make sure to make all the changes to your plot and such necessary to have that thing make sense and flow well with the rest of what you're writing.

And very important: If you're writing for something that has a Canon, make sure what you're doing makes sense for the character. Don't have a "he would not fucking say that" / "he does not have the emotional intelligence for that" (HUGE ONE. Modern fandom has a massive problem with bitching about characters not communicating, but if the character would not spill their guts to someone, don't fuckin do it!! Miscommunication sucks, but lack of communication is a device that often benefits plot and creates conflict necessary for an interesting story!!) / etc moment. Dig into the character's brain and understand how they work, take what you know about how they are in situations and in general and apply that. Binge read character analysis for help, your best resources are your fellow fandom mates who are insane about their little guys. Consult them if you can't find any analyses, they'll write you a whole essay often times. Characterization is extremely important and many readers just straight up won't read your thing if you're butchering their special guy. For example, Phil is deeply allergic to sharing his burdens and hates the idea of putting his friends in danger. Obviously I'm not gonna have him venting to anyone who'll listen that he's being possessed by a god they don't even know of and that he needs their help. Even when you're writing an AU, that will rarely ever make the character's canon way of being irrelevant, you just have to think about how those traits would look in your universe/specific situation. There's still even more nuance to this I won't cover, but just keep in mind that writing a character accurately matters!

[blade-that-was-broken]

I’m going to spit out a theory on how jd lost his leg in the soldier au. I know this is probably wrong but I want to theorize. I think Tres was driving one of those military jeeps with the whole squad in it (except delta) and ran over a landmine it was an old kinda shittily made landmine so the explosion didn’t kill anyone but John was sitting shotgun and the jeep hit the mine with the shotgun side wheel so he took the worst of it while everyone else got surface burns. Anyway jd was kinda completely out of it on painkillers and getting back to back surgeries for like a month or two and that’s why he doesn’t actually know if his leg is in Sudan or not because he doesn’t know if it got amputated immediately in Sudan or if it got amputated when he was back in the U.S.

That’s why tres blames himself but jd doesn’t blame tres at all cause well jd also did not see the explosive on the road that thing was hidden well.

Anyway I love this au a lot. An idea i have about it is that JD was the one who tapped out tres in his graduation ceremony. Idk why jd would have been there but they clicked well cause Tres has no family beyond his squad and his squads family and neither does JD (at the time at least) and the second jd talks about tres to bruce, the dad in him realizes that tres is jds unofficial adopted son and Bruce is very much an uncle.

Anyway welcome to my Ted talk this is just a theory I love this fic so much thank you for writing it.

First and foremost... I was going to write something about this and then... major burn out. Either that or my brain is just NOT cooperating with this. However, I've got notes instead.

Okay so... you aren't entirely wrong. This is actually pretty on track. However... it gets worse... it gets so much worse. I don't have a lot of details but this stuff is janky and its a lot longer than over the course of one explosion. The explosion from the truck isn't actually what takes John's leg but they go through a whole ordeal that lasts at least a few weeks before getting back home to the states. The ending part especially is something John is extremely fuzzy on so that's why he's not entirely sure where his leg is. But it's also a joke with some of his darker humor.

When I said this ordeal kind of gives Tresillo an out of the military of an honorable discharge or something, I mean it. It was gnarly and that is putting things lightly.

Tresillo's feelings of guilt goes deeper than an IED that no one noticed - it's a bit more up close and personal than that which is probably.... it's just yikes. Tresillo blames himself because he's thinks he never should have been on a team with such more experienced soldiers and that they wouldn't be in that mess if it wasn't for him, and John wouldn't have gotten hurt if he wasn't busy trying to protect Tresillo. This isn't true, however, but Tresillo is a kid and he likes these people and he just has a lot of guilt and shame that he really shouldn't.

So, I'm very pretty sure that's not how anything works but since this is an au, I can do what I want so I'm going to absolutely roll with it. I'm just going to roll with JD and the others knowing this kid was going to join them and they go to the graduation (or maybe even meet him beforehand/get to know him beforehand etc.) and quick to realize that no one is gonna tap him out and John just doesn't even hesitate.

Tresillo is kind of an undisciplined brat at the beginning. It's how he knows how to get attention. I'm also debating on whether he had to choose between prison or the military so that might be a factor. Anyways, they don't give up on him and are super good and chill and eventually he just kind of sinks into it all. They all bond and become friends/family. John is very proud of him and although would never really say the concept of brother/son/etc. he sees all of these people - including Tresillo, possibly not Chaz - as family. He just doesn't always use those types of labels.

Bruce however, very well might.

I'm really glad you like this au! I find it super interesting to talk about and ya'll come up with some really great ideas and questions which make ME come up with more stuff too!

[officeobject]

Okay, so like, context for some of the posts I've made (related to addiction or whatever):

5 March 2025 I watched Helluva Boss, because Hazbin Hotel wasn't free, and I had considered it for years, and wanted to see what it was all even ABOUT, and form my own opinions, and have a clue about what Hellaverse-critics were even talking about, so, I watched up until about episode 7 or 8 (season 2) - I had seriously considered watching, or just jumping to the last episode of season 1 though, because I saw a design so bad, that it was BEAUTIFUL - I LOVED the few clips of that design and all, and was curious about her personality, so, I watched that many episodes in a day, and I loved her song, her design, her animation, but then hated her as a person - I TRIED to like her, but there was no way I COULD, and, the next day, I just listened to her song again (and the demo song), and read more Hellaverse-critical stuff, and some stimboards of her, stuff like that - I somehow ended up in a mood I hadn't even been, yesterday, even though I basically did the SAME, yesterday - where I'd be thinking of her, and myself, and that one thing my addiction is REALLY tied to - I had to go somewhere that day though, and ended up having a good (though sometimes boring), time, whilst wondering if one of her songs would come up in my earbuds, and also all while I grew closer to myself, and appreciated myself more and stuff - I actually found, and bought, a set of those smelly sticks, for the first time, because they smelled like my Ginger Jones doll from Pinkie Cooper And The Jet-Set Pets doll-line, and I had been worried about her ever losing that smell - oh, and also because Ginger Jones, is similar to my style and personality, and looks like me, and my brain registers her doll as me, sometimes, etc, so she means a lot, but what was it all called? "Cotton" - and the character I've been talking about, is a character that for whatever reason, has a song called "Cotton Candy", in which case she sings "cotton candy" a lot, so I do be associating that with her (and moodboards agree). Anyways, I would later come across some usual blog I view the posts of, and reblog from, and get friendshipped by Tumblr with, etc, and I came across a post, about them having travelled with a generation 1 pony (officially) named "Cotton Candy", and I was like "yeah, that's just a coincidence, so what -" - then saw that the date of the post, was - like, "25 minutes ago", AT MOST ... regardless, more Tumblr-time lead me to some aroace account thing, of someone who had a few gender-labels, including "girlfailure", which reminded me of my addiction - like, me feeling like a failure at being a girl or a failure in comparison, etc - and you know that thing someone called me as a joke in which I keep switching on if it's a genuine thing or not, even though it's basically a lexegender and/or lexicgender and valid that way? Well, I think some of the character, (Beelzebub), has had some colors that particularly stand out to me ... here is HER:

Here is the frenchfurrygender flag I made, like, within the week, of frenchfurrygender - which, by the way, is a thing that made me happy to even see as a word from the corner of my eye, the first time I read it):

(It looks different on my computer VS my phone, and also maybe I remembered the colors wrong, but whatever - DO YOU SEE MY VISION)?!

So, uhm, yeah, what do y'all think? Also,

Also, I'm unfortunately too tired and stuff, to write or think much else - and also if this text because less comprehensible, that's probably why, but yeah.

[sanguine-salvation]

alt!

[ Send me "alt!" and I'll introduce you to a character I've RPed in the past, want to play in the future or are currently playing somewhere else! - ACCEPTING ]

"That's the price. If it isn't, find someone who won't get it done."

That was it. Simple. Do, or don't, and if you don't, leave. ... Well, okay, maybe his headache wasn't exactly making him more patient. But his answer would have been the same either way.

He didn't even look at them. Didn't need to. Not that anyone would be able to tell, but his helmet stared impassively ahead through the shelves of alcohol on the wall. He had a drink beside him the bar, though he hadn't taken so much as a sip. ... It really was just set dressing to secure his place at the busy bar without being bothered for five minutes, because his head was genuinely trying to kill him.

Not that it worked, of course. You'd think that if someone was going try and bother him, specifically, with a private bounty, they'd know better than to think basic marketplace haggling was even an option. Especially haggling for a price so low that the target wouldn't even worth the fuel to transport them back, and very especially when the person in question walked into a seedy bar in the lower district dressed to the nines like he had anything worth proving. Utreekov. He was lucky he hadn't been mugged dead.

The band started up after a blissful few minutes of intermission. Again. The squealing of a bandfill reminded him that he could feel his brain trying to very carefully chisel through the front of his skull in escape. The rising urge to put on the sound dampening in his helmet that was normally strong enough for explosives, but he bore through it without so much as a (visible) twitch, and simply slid the datapad back over to the client. He was a man of business, first and foremost. The number on the wanted bill remained very unchanged, in the same pale-green block font glaring up at the person who was very stupidly determined not to pay it. And speaking of glaring, finally the visor turned to face them.

"Don't waste my time, and you won't have wasted your creds."

The client ground their teeth, don't think he didn't notice, but the modulated and only tepidly patient tone in his voice seemed to very promptly remind them exactly who they were dealing with and why. You want good work, you don't hem and haw over a few thousand credits unless you're ready to go fish for bright-eyed newbies at the Guild.

One could practically count the beads of sweat collecting in the man's furrowed forehead from clear across the room as he reluctantly signed off on the datapad, insuring his cooperation on fulfilling the bounty's price.

"Good." He took the data tape as the client slid it across the bar in defeat. He tucked it away, and stood up from the barstool in the most convincingly collected way a man could while he was considering soldering his own ears shut. "A pleasure doing business."

He was grateful his helmet and the murmur of the street was enough to disguise the grumble of relief as he stepped out.

Yeah. No. Next time, he'd just stay on the ship and scroll through the Guild bills...

[sjsmith56]

Still Not There, Chapter 16 - Eyes of the Father

Summary: After reuniting Bucky experiences a PTSD moment and pulls away from Lacey.

Length: 4.7 K

Characters: Bucky, Lacey, Terry, Steve, Clint, Shuri.

Warnings: PTSD rears its head, Bucky (anxiety, decision making, etc.)

Author notes: Yeah, I’m making life difficult for them. Have to have some conflict. This chapter goes to the final of Avengers: Endgame.

<<Chapter 15

🦾 🙍🏼‍♀️

That evening there was a major rearrangement of the sleeping arrangements.  Terry, Bucky, and Steve were put in Nathaniel's room, while Tommy, Nathaniel and Cooper shared the latter's room.   Originally Clint said Bucky could stay with Lacey but he demurred, saying it wasn't fair to put that burden on her when it was the first time they had seen each other in person since the one night they spent together almost nine years previous.  Terry wasn't happy about sharing a room with the man who made his sister cry so Bucky volunteered to sleep on the couch in the living room.  As he settled on the couch with a pillow and blanket, wearing a borrowed pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt he heard someone coming down the stairs.  With a sigh he turned, looked at the stairs and was surprised to see Terry.

"Really, I don't mind sleeping on the couch Terry," said Bucky wearily.  "I promise to stay here and not go to Lacey's room."

"That's not why I came down," said Terry as he sat on an armchair across from Bucky.  "I couldn't sleep.  I'm the last person to be angry at you for making Lacey cry.  I avoided her for years and when I did see her I treated her like shit.  I looked down on my own sister for so many years because I wasn't a good man when I was playing pro football."

Bucky sat up and looked at the man.  "Why is that?" he asked.

"Too busy living the high life," said Terry.  "Literally.  I was an imposter.  Terrified of being found out by my teammates, my fans, my coaches ....  I acted like I was in control of my career and really I felt that if anyone knew the truth about me my career would be over.  My family were a reminder of who I used to be, the guy who just wanted to fit in."

"So what changed?" asked Bucky.

"She met you, got pregnant, had to go on the run from the Russian mob, go into hiding from the CIA and HYDRA...," he paused.  "When our mom died and Lacey told me all that she had been facing, alone, I felt ashamed that I had given my entourage more attention than her.  So when she called to say Clint left because of losing his family it became my chance to step up and be the man I should have been all along.  The fact that for five years I've been her protector made me possessive of her.  I'm sorry."

"I wanted to marry her as soon as I found out about Tommy," admitted Bucky.  "But I got my arm shot off, I still had activation words implanted in my brain that would turn me into the Winter Soldier, and I was a mess.  She told me to go to Wakanda and get fixed first.  Then Thanos happened, and the Snap took five years of my life from me.  Five years away from her and Tommy.  I should have come here with Clint as soon as I could but Steve had something that couldn't wait and I owed him my life.  He saved me, Terry."

"Yeah," he replied with understanding.  "He told me.  Whatever you need to do to finish your obligations just do it.  I'll stay with her and Tommy.  Then when you're ready I'll step aside and start living my own life."

"You don't have to do that," said Bucky.  "Tommy loves you.  He told me how you've been helping him train.  You can live with us as long as you want.  I don't want to come between Lacey and you."

"What about what Lacey wants?" said a woman's voice and they both turned to see Lacey on the stairs.  "You two are already deciding what to do with me but haven't asked me what I want."

"Well, what do you want?" asked Bucky.  "You're right, you should be part of this conversation."

"I want a normal life," replied Lacey, coming fully into the living room and facing the two men.  "One that includes you, and my brother and sister.  I want Tommy to go to school and I want to be able to go for a drive without looking behind me all the time to see if I'm being followed.  But, you know what?  It doesn't matter what I want because until you're completely free none of that can happen.  So, I'm still going to be in a holding pattern ... here if they'll have me.  If not, then I have to find somewhere else to hide out."

She went to the window, looking outside at the dark.  By the position of her shoulders it was obvious she was crying but barely any sound escaped her lips.  Bucky stood up and went to her, placing his hand on her back.  She turned and buried her face in his chest.  He stroked her hair and whispered to her.  Terry watched the body language between them and knew both of them felt they had little control over their lives at the moment.  They had a couple of days while at the farm but as soon as Bucky turned himself in he would be subject to the legal system.   Terry joined them at the window.

"Go to bed," he said quietly.  "Hold each other, make love if you want, just be together.  The only control you have right now over what's going to happen is between you while you're both here.  So take the opportunity to be physically part of each other's life, even if it is just for a couple of days."

He kissed Lacey on the head and patted Bucky on the shoulder then went back upstairs.  The couple looked at each other in the dark then Lacey took Bucky's hand and led him up to her room.  They stood inside the door for a minute, unsure of themselves, before Lacey put her hand on Bucky's cheek and stood on her tiptoes to kiss him gently.  He kissed her in return and held her in his arms.  She stepped back and took his prosthetic hand in hers, examining it. 

"The arm, is it better than the other one?" she asked.

"Yeah, it's amazing," said Bucky.  "I lost almost 40 lbs just by removing the other arm.  This feels everything; heat, cold, touch ...."

"Show me," she whispered.

He pulled his T-shirt off and she could see even in the dark that his skin looked almost normal next to the shoulder portion.  She ran her fingers over the skin and although it was warm like the rest of him it wasn't unnaturally hot and there was no new scar tissue. 

"Does it still hurt?" she asked.

"No, it doesn't hurt any more," he replied.  "Neither does my back.  They fixed it all."

Hesitantly he placed his hands around her waist and leaned over to kiss her.  Her cool hands were on his chest as he ran his right hand under her shirt and up her back.  She responded to him by encircling his neck and shoulders with her arms.   His hand moved to her breast, making her whimper slightly as he caressed it. 

He pulled away slightly.  "Are you sure you want to do this?  I don't have any protection."

"I do," she said.  "I got a 10 year implant late in 2017.  At the time I expected you to be here soon.  There are also condoms in the drawer, for backup."

He lifted her shirt off then picked her up as she wrapped her legs around his waist.  Kissing each other fiercely he walked to the bed and laid her on it.  As she backed up to the pillows he followed and laid between her legs, putting his full weight on her.  With his left hand he gently fondled her breast and although it was cool in temperature it's smooth surface moved effortlessly over her skin.  She ran her hand through his hair while gazing at him and he smiled softly in response.

"We don't have to go any further than this," he suggested.  "I want you but this, touching you and being close to you is awfully nice."

"It is, isn't it?" She looked away for a moment before looking back at him.  "I'm going to take the rest of my clothes off.  I do want you but if you want to wait it's okay." 

He raised himself to a kneeling position and watched as she got out of bed to disrobe completely.  His breath rate increased as she got back on the bed and faced him kneeling.  She had changed in the years since they were last together.  Her body was heavier and curvier but also more muscular from farm work.  Taking note of the changes he reached out again and touched her shoulder then her breasts.  Her skin was still soft and by her own breathing he could tell she was aroused.  He stepped off the bed and removed his clothing.  A soft smile crossed Lacey's face when she saw him nude and she put her hand out to him.  With a smile he got back on the bed kneeling, and pulled her into his arms, kissing her fiercely. She responded in kind and pulled him down so he was lying partially on her.  Unlike before when he used his artificial arm only to prop up his body while he laid on Lacey, this time he used it fully as he touched and caressed her body with both hands.  They kissed deeply between moments of mouthing the sensitive parts of each other's necks and throats.  Finally Bucky raised his head and reached for the drawer of the nightstand.  He put his hand in and felt around bringing out a vibrator.

"What's this?" he asked, smiling.

"Your replacement," she said, defiantly.  "There's been no one since you, Bucky.  Just that."

"There's been no one since you either," he admitted, then he put his hand back into the drawer and came out with a condom packet.  "While I'm sure your implant works I just want to be sure."

He rolled the condom on and with their eyes gazing into each other he guided himself slowly into her.  Like the first time she held her breath a little as he eased himself into her.  Then she gasped when he came out before thrusting in again. 

"You feel amazing," he whispered softly into her ear before kissing her deeply.

She gave a satisfied moan when he thrust into her again and lifted her hips up into Bucky's.  "So do you," she whispered back, as she ran her hands down his back.  "You can go harder you know."

"I don't want to hurt you," he said softly.  "To be honest I'm afraid to let go.  Except for when we were together I was basically celibate.   When the Soldier was ordered to breed he wasn't gentle because it wasn't in his nature."

"Do you think that it's still in you?" she asked, as they stopped.  "Bucky, he wasn't you.  Do you know that Natasha was in the Red Room when you were there?  She never spent time with you but she knew about you and how you were as the Soldier.  She also knew how you were when you weren't the soldier.  You didn't cooperate."

"I don't know if I can stop if I let myself go," he said worriedly.  "If I hurt you ...."

"My sweet man," replied Lacey gently.  "When we did this before you didn't hesitate.  Parts of you are still messed up, aren't they?"

He exhaled suddenly as if he remembered something disturbing, then pulled out and rolled off to the side, sitting quietly for a moment.  Pulling the condom off he got up and put it in the garbage.  Then he pulled his underwear on and looked at her.

"Yeah, I'm still messed up in places," he said bitterly.  "I have more of my memories now and not all of them are good.  Maybe this was a mistake.  Maybe we were a mistake that should never have happened.  I'm sorry."

He pulled his sweatpants on, picked up his T-shirt and left her.  Sitting up, she was stunned at what had just happened.  Quickly, she got dressed and went down the stairs but he wasn't in the living room as the blanket and pillow were gone.  She looked out the windows but saw no sign of him outside, realizing he had gone somewhere to be alone.  A feeling of anxiety came over her that somehow she had hurt him, enough that he was reconsidering their future.  Slowly she went back up the stairs to her room.  She looked out the window at the moonlit yard then started to cry and turned away, dropping into the bed and crying into the pillow.  From his spot in the shadows at the trunk of a nearby tree Bucky watched as Lacey looked out over the landscape.  He watched her start to cry and could hear her continue crying as she got back into bed.  He turned away, filled with self loathing at hurting her like that but the sudden memory of something he did as the Winter Soldier had frightened him.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.  "Maybe you're better off without me."

He turned and went into the barn, finding an old truck inside.  Climbing into the front seat he put the pillow down then covered himself up with the blanket.  Sleep didn't come easily but when it did it came with a nightmare of the time he shot Natasha Romanoff through her body to kill the scientist she was trying to save.  Natasha's face changed into Tommy's and the scientist's face changed into Lacey's.  He woke up shouting and then wept at his cowardly decision to leave Lacey again, perhaps never to come back.  Unable to stop the argument in his head he sat up and waited for dawn to wake up Steve and tell him they had to leave.  He must have fallen asleep sitting up because Steve's voice beside the truck woke him up, as the other super soldier was standing beside the open window.

"What are you doing in here?" asked Steve.  "Lacey said you left suddenly during the night.  What happened between you?"

"I'm no good for her," replied Bucky.  "We were in bed and somehow the conversation turned to the Winter Soldier and I realized I can't be with her.  I'll hurt her at some point so I ended it."

"Are you for real?" demanded Steve.  "She has waited for you for so long and you decided within hours that you can't be with her because of the Soldier?  Bucky, what the hell.  She's devastated.  So is Tommy.  What were you thinking?"

"I'm no good for her," repeated Bucky.  "What I did proves it.  Until I know for sure that he's gone for good I can't be with her or Tommy.  Better I hurt them now than when they become invested in me."

"They're already invested in you," said Steve, pleading.  "Shit, Bucky.  Whatever happened to making it right?"

"It's the 21st century," he replied brusquely.  "They don't need me.  Can we go?"

Steve stood there, his mouth open, not believing what he was hearing.  It was the most ungentlemanly thing Bucky had ever done and it shook Steve to the core.  Bucky continued to look straight ahead and Steve shook his head.

"I'll get your bag and meet you at the quinjet," he said.  "I assume you don't want to see anyone or say goodbye."

Bucky didn't answer and Steve turned around, returning to the house.  Bucky got out of the truck, leaving the pillow and blanket where he thought someone would find it.  Then he walked to the quinjet and opened the ramp.  He heard someone running towards him and turned in time to be bowled over by Tommy, who began hitting him.  Bucky didn't defend himself from the boys hits or cries.

"Why did you come back?" he cried, his tears mixed with his anger as he rained blow after blow on Bucky.  "Why?  You made her cry again, on purpose.  You hurt her.  You hurt me.  You're not my dad.  I don't have a dad.  I hate you."

As the boy tired out and his blows lessened Bucky took control of his son's hands and sat up, holding Tommy away from him.

"I'm sorry," he said sadly.  "I'm no good for either of you.  You're better off without me."

Tommy spat at him and it landed on Bucky's cheek.  He gently pushed Tommy away and stood up then stepped onto the ramp.  Holding his emotions in check as best he could he looked once more at Tommy.

"Take care of your mother," he said, then he turned away and went up the ramp, wiping his cheek with his hand as he struggled not to cry.

When Steve entered the quinjet a few minutes later carrying both his and Bucky's bags he dropped them off at Bucky's feet and looked at him again, shaking his head.  Then he closed the ramp and started up the aircraft, lifting it away from the farmyard and into the air.  He programmed the course back to the compound and set the autopilot then looked at Bucky again.  This time when his friend looked back at him the tears were freely falling down his cheeks.  Steve kneeled down and looked Bucky in the eyes.

"Why?" he asked.  "The truth now, no bullshit."

Bucky's face was tortured.  "We were having sex and the conversation got around to the Winter Soldier and the breeding program.  She brought up Natasha's observations about the Soldier and how I was uncooperative when I wasn't the Soldier."

Steve look aghast.  "Bucky, you didn't...," he said slowly.

"No, I didn't," he replied quickly.  "But what if they didn't get that part of him out of me?" he asked.  "What if he's still there?  I had a vision of me tying her up and doing unspeakable things to her.  What if that's what's left in me?  I'm too dangerous to be around her or Tommy."

"Did you tell her this?" asked Steve, desperately.  "Did you talk about it?"

"How could I?" said Bucky.  "She would think I was some sort of freak.  Better she forgets me.  She'll get over it.  So will Tommy."

"Jesus," said Steve.  "That's messed up, Bucky."

"I figured I can talk to my therapist about it once I've been assigned to one," said Bucky.  "It's part of my plea deal that I go into therapy for my PTSD.  I think this qualifies."

"But I won't be there for you," replied Steve.  "You know that.  Who else can you confide in?  She would have listened if you told her this.  You know that too."

Bucky ran his hands through his hair.  "Yeah, you're right.  There really isn't anyone else I could talk to about this.  Maybe Shuri but talking to her about sex isn't something I'm comfortable with.  She's just a kid."

He put his face into his hands realizing the extent of his blunder.  Not only had he hurt Lacey, Tommy, and himself he had burnt the bridge to the only person who could help him through this.  For him it reinforced that he was more of a mess than he originally thought.

Three days later the memorial service for Tony Stark was held.  Bucky hoped Lacey would come so he could try to make amends but she didn't show.  Clint and his family came but wouldn't even look at Bucky or stand near him.  He tried to give Clint a letter to give to her but he ripped it up in front of Bucky, dropping the pieces on the ground.  All Bucky could do was stand out of the way and avoid conversation.  Shuri approached him when she noticed him standing by himself.

"Sergeant Barnes, why the long face?" she asked kindly.

He fixed a sad gaze on her.  "I made a terrible decision," he said.  "I told Lacey we were a mistake and she would be better off without me.  I left her bed, Shuri.  I was afraid the Soldier would hurt her while we were intimate."

She pulled him by the arm so they were away from the others.  "What made you do that?"

"A memory of something the Soldier did," he said hesitantly.  "I panicked and told her we should never have happened.  Then I left."

"You have to apologize," insisted Shuri. "You must go see her."

Bucky looked towards the Bartons.  "I don't think Clint will let me come within a mile of his farm."

Shuri followed his gaze and saw the harsh looks he was being given.  Sighing, she touched his arm, noticing that he flinched when she did so.  It was definitely a sign of regressing and she looked at him with concern.

"Come back to Wakanda," she said.  "I will help you get through this."

He shook his head.  "I've already made arrangements to turn myself in.  If I go back with you it would look like I'm on the run again.  Thank you but I have to stay and work this out on my own."

"Then talk with your friend, Steve," she advised.  "Don't keep it inside where it will fester and magnify itself.  Promise me you will do that much."

He nodded and looked away, signalling his reluctance to talk any further about it.  She returned to her brother and when she looked towards Barnes again he was gone.  There was one other person she could talk to about it and she made the decision to call Lacey when she had the chance.

Hours later Bucky, Sam, Bruce, and Steve were at the rebuilt time machine, set up outside the destroyed Avengers compound.  In the distance they could see the cranes and clean up crews trying to salvage what they could from the debris.  Steve was changed into his Captain America uniform and wore the hand control which would transform it into a time travel suit in the quantum realm.  As they looked at each other Bucky realized that this was it.  The two friends had only just reconnected and now Steve was going, fulfilling what he had shared with Bucky just after they defeated Thanos.

As Steve disappeared from view Bucky bowed his head in acceptance when his best friend didn't return in the time Bruce had estimated.  Sam questioned what was wrong as Bruce tried to figure out what happened but Bucky knew Steve wasn't coming back.  He turned towards the lake and saw the man, sitting with his back to them.  As Sam and Bruce were frantically talking behind him Bucky took several steps towards the stranger.

Bucky called out Sam's name, loud enough to get his attention.  The other two men stopped their efforts and looked towards Bucky then noticed the strange man.  Sam walked towards Bucky and stood next to him.  They both walked towards the man who was seated on a bench overlooking the lake, a round package beside him.  Patting Sam on the back Bucky encouraged him to go see the strange man alone.  Sam gave him a questioning look which Bucky answered with an encouraging smile.  He watched as Sam approached the man and smiled as recognition filled Sam's face when he realized this was Steve, aged many years.  When Steve gave Sam the shield, passing on the legacy to him he smiled again, knowing that this was the right thing to do. 

As he watched the pair, Bucky recalled the hours after the battle against Thanos, when everyone was still processing the death of Tony Stark, he and Steve sat away from everyone, wanting to talk alone.  Clint had already left, after Bucky told him to go back to the farm without him.  Steve, his best friend since childhood, told him then that he wanted to return back to the 1940s, seek out Peggy Carter and marry her.  Bucky couldn't blame him, knowing how much he had loved her.   By his own admission Steve told him how out of touch he felt in these modern times.  Steve did ask if he wanted to return with him but Bucky just looked at his prosthetic arm.

"I could never explain this," he replied, lifting his arm up.  "How could I face my parents and tell them what I became, what I did?  All the psychological damage that was done is better treated in this time as they understand it better.  I just don't belong there anymore.  It's better that I remain dead to them."

"Then take the shield," said Steve.  "Take my place here as Captain America.  You have the strength to do it, Buck."

"Maybe," replied Bucky, "but no one would trust a man who was a killer for HYDRA to carry the shield.  You know that.  I know that.  You need to pass it on to someone else, someone that people will trust and look up to."

"Sam Wilson," said Steve, firmly, without hesitation.  "Right from the moment I met him I trusted him.  He's loyal and he believes in what the shield stands for."

"I don't get along with him, really," joked Bucky, "but you're right.  He didn't even know me but he helped because he believed in doing what was right.  He's the man for the job."

"What about you, Buck?" asked Steve, concerned.  "What will you do?"

"I'll call that lawyer that took my case," he replied.  "Tell him I'm ready to turn myself in.  I have to stop running, Steve.  I have a son that I've never met in person and I want a relationship with him and his mom, whatever that ends up being.  After that, I'll find something to do.  I'll fit in, somehow."

Immediately after that Bucky called the lawyer and arranged to meet with the FBI after Tony Stark's funeral.  In fact, as he looked at his watch while Sam spoke with aged Steve he realized he was due to meet him within the hour.  He looked once more at Steve then turned around and headed towards where the clean up crew was salvaging what was left of the Avengers compound.  As he waited for the vehicle with the FBI agent who would take him into custody he looked up at the sky, wondering if he would still get to see it if the pardon fell through.  The dark SUV approached and Bucky stood taller, determined to have some dignity.  It stopped and the single agent got out of the driver's side.

"James Buchanan Barnes?" he asked.  "I'm Agent Dan Jones of the FBI.  I am here to take you into custody.  Your lawyer is already waiting at our offices for you."

"You were the agent who was looking for Lacey Williams' brother," said Bucky.  "I recognize your voice."

"You were there at her house, weren't you?" asked Jones.  "She told me you didn't show up until after I left.  Not that it matters now.  If you can give me your word you won't try to escape I won't cuff you.  You've been through so much and I learned what HYDRA did to make you compliant."

"You have my word," replied Bucky.

Jones opened the front passenger seat and Bucky got inside.  As the agent started the car he looked at Bucky carefully.  "It's uncanny how much the boy looks like you," he said.  "At least he did before the Blip.  I was dust so I couldn't be there to watch over Lacey and your son.  My replacement on her file says they came through it okay, in case you were wondering."

Bucky nodded and thanked him.  He put the seatbelt on and looked straight ahead.  The next part of his life was about to begin.  Until he got his legal status settled he couldn't deal with the mess he made of his relationship with Lacey and Tommy.  But he would fix it, somehow.

Chapter 17>>

Series Masterlist

[doodle-pops]

hi mina!

so weird question that’s been on my mind; you know back in like the 50’s an such people would get upset at people for marrying people that were like black/irish/etc or on the occasion for a different religion that wasn’t christian/catholic/etc & so on??

do you think the elves have the same kinda prejudice but instead for different races like an elf marrying a dwarf ( or a hobbit/etc ) do you think they’d be met with the same kind of disgust/hatred as the outdated views of the 50’s an so on?

( also i hope you know what i mean by this & that i don’t mean it in a bad way, it’s the only comparison i could think of dhhdbd. also i hope you’re doing ok 💖 )

Firstly, I'm doing very good!! My brain is doing woozy and trying to make me create a bunch of unnecessary WIPs at a time when I don't want to 😅. I hope I answered this to your liking, I felt like my brain wasn't cooperating.

I can see prejudice occurring with the dwarves (not sure about the hobbits, they're too cute to be disliked). It primarily stemmed from the elves' superciliousness towards the dwarves' appearance, not regarding it as fair while dwarves found elves too sparkly for their beauty standards. Most of the elves mingled with their own kin while harbouring friendships with other races was acceptable. Falling in love was rare (like once every age).

I don't see hate or anyone being shunned, but disapproval would arise from immediate family members and anyone closely related. First-age elves would be disturbed/baffled by the union since they were writing the first batch of history and discovering what they considered acceptable. Frankly, they probably didn't want a union with races who weren't fair enough and could ruin the beauty of their bloodline lol. Being friends with dwarves/hobbits was the limit the relationship could go. Humans were surprisingly the only suitable race to wed apart from their own; we actually made the cut and not by much 🙂. (the ainur excluded since elves wouldn't have an issue being with a deity)

A major reason why elves didn't look for companionship outside their own race was to avoid the long-term suffering. They didn't want that loneliness after their mortal lover had passed on. To mingle with agony until the end of Arda (this was discussed in Athrabeth Finrod ah Andreth).

However, if this union were to successfully occur, it would be a never-ending talk. I'm convinced that elves adored gossiping, so that couple would be the talk of the age(s). Their curiosity would spike; mostly wanting to understand how their marriage worked, the dynamics, and how they fell in love and overcome the boundaries. I can't say if it would encourage other pairings to arise though. I've never heard of elves being disowned for their choice of lover, so I'd like to assume the same for dwarves/hobbits. The family might still be reluctant, finding it difficult to comprehend their family member's choice while respectful to the spouse.

This all boils down to the personality of the elves because some would be conforming while others aren't.