#I've very sorry to everyone who doesn't find that word sexy

[gaywarcriminals]

Don't use the word "flesh" in smut challenge, difficulty: impossible

[andy-wm]

3D by JK (feat. JH) - my take.

Ok, unpopular opinion maybe, and I might get my ass beaten for this (not in a good way 🤣)

Feel free to disagree RESPECTFULLY.

Disclaimer: If anyone comes at me with that cancel bullshit I will block you, because we all get to have an opinion.

If my post enrages you, scroll past until you can be civil, then come back and talk. Or block me. I dont mind.

And don't tell me that because I don't love this song I have to hand in my ARMY card... I'm not going to.

🙂💜🙂

I'll start by saying I love JK so, so much. Adore him. Will always support him.

But for me, 3D is a misstep.

My feeling is Hybe should have reconsidered releasing it as it is.

JK's lyrics are fun and sexy. The innuendo is on point. The melody is great and the chorus has excellent sing-along value. Even though I'm not a huge pop music fan, I like the vibe.

The MV dancers are awesome, and I got a kick out of the fire hydrant metaphor.

And in that jacket with nothing under it, JK looks hot enough to melt asphalt.

However....

Including Jack Harlow's rap IMO is a mistake. It sucks, frankly. Not in a good way.

It not only misses the mark on the tone of the rest of the song but his lyrics are really just offensive. Misogynistic. And racial refrences are just... not cricket. It's 2023 not 1995, regardless of what his hairstyle tells you.

His lyrics sound like an incel bragging about their sex life when all they've ever done is watch porn. From his words, I doubt he knows how to please any person but himself.

His message is gross, but its still just... generic. Like he went to urban dictionary for spicy language and then googled how to treat women like shit. There's nothing original about what he's saying. He's not even being gross in an intersting way. It's gross AND boring.

(Jack, if you're reading this, sorry my guy you gotta do better.)

I've been army since 2018 and this is the first BTS song I have tried to find merit in and given up.

I honestly tried to be into it and i just... can't. It doesn't sit well with me.

This is a new experience for me because even when BTS release something i don't immediately love, i still stream and watch and let it sink in, or I work on figuring out what I am missing and why it's ACTUALLY good even if i can't grasp it.

This... it's just... not good, in my opinion.

I have to clarify here...

It isn't about explicit content, i am totally down for that. If anyone read my post on Seven, they will know my response to that song. In a nutshell, I believe all adults who want to, should happily and shamelessly be doing ALL the horizontal tango. Every type, every day, in every way. With anyone and everyone they fancy as long as all parties are informed and consenting adults who are equally enjoying the experience.

Yes. I am all about getting down.

That doesn't mean treating your partners like a body count or using and abusing them with no consideration. That's not cool.

**PSA: please be safe and use protection. Get tested regularly if you have multiple partners. Don't do anything you don't feel good about and dont stay with partners who harm or manipulate you 💜**

Now, back to the smut.

Some criticisms i saw of Seven were about how dirty it was. A few people were upset because JK said fuck, and because he sang about how and when he liked to fuck. But more criticism was levelled at Letto. Why?

It seemed like it was because she's a woman, singing about sex.

Letto totally owns her sexuality and she knows what she wants. I snorted with delight at how deliciously filthy her lyrics were. Some very clever wordplay made her verse so visceral, and pretty shocking to the pearl-clutchers, without her ever saying anything directly. I really enjoyed it.

She was telling us straight up how good she is in bed. Good for her. She totally rocks. And she wasn't disrespecting anyone. She didn't need to do that to make herself cool AF.

The difference between Letto's rap and jack harlow's is that jack sounds like he's just looking at the women he's singing about as a hole to stick his dick in. Women have fought for long enough for equality and respect. They don't need this bullshit. You can sing about getting down, and you can be absolutely filthy and nasty and wild, and you can do it without degrading your partners.

I did read a theory about this song being social commentary on toxic masculinity. You can find it here and you can read it below:

Its not bad as a theory. At least it wouldn't be if Namjoon or Yoongi or Hobi - or Jungkook himself - had written the song. If that were the situation we'd see some inkling of self awareness in the rap, and maybe a hint of character development. But there's none.

Sorry ARMY, this is not the class of lyricism we have come to expect.

If jack is trying to make a social statement^*, or play a character, he is not succeeding in showing any growth or humanity at all. He's really just that stereotype.

In the last few lines, after he offers to fly his victim from Korea to Kentucky, he says "and you ain’t gotta guarantee me nothing I just wanna see if I get lucky."

How considerate...

All I see is zero care factor about the actual person he's trying to get with. Which is quite different from JK's lyrics, which show awareness that he's interacting with a conscious, living human being, not a piece of furniture.

jack follows with "I just wanna meet you in the physical and see if you would touch me"

Ugh. Not with a ten foot pole, douchebag.

And how about, in his first verse "All my ABGs get cute for me"

Good god, really? Is he seriously saying this?

So its a no for me.

The ONLY saving grace is that there's an alternative version which is pretty fun. It's almost as if Hybe knew we would hate the version with jack harlow. Wow, such insight!

Now, i know that's not the only reason they made an alternative. They needed a clean version for US radio play (let's be real, what possible other purpose can this song serve? *°)

But they could have censored jack's... actually they couldn't. The rap verses can't be salvaged. They genuinely have no merit, the only hope for the song is totally removing them.

What does that tell you?

ARMY will no doubt still chart the main track but personally, I would feel morally compromised if i supported that version. So I'll stick to the alternative and hope for better things to come.

------------

^* Stylecaster doesnt think so either. I visited their website to check thr lyrics. They said, of D3, "Meanwhile, Jack Harlow brings the cool with his two verses as he raps about all the women he could pull"

Uh, really? I hope that's intended to be ironic.

*° The MV had only 4.5million views after 12 hours. And we know what brilliant strategists Hybe employs. I am travelling in Korea right now. There was no promo visible here. And it was no accident that it was released at lunchtime on Chuseok - the biggest famiily holiday of the year - when relatively few people in Korea would be available to engage with it. THEY KNEW IT WAS A STINKER.

[variousqueerthings]

watching a thing that's going through why someone enjoys doctor who, and it's gone on a little tangent about why romance on doctor who doesn't work (in their opinion, and in mine), and how it made s2 and s7b the creator's least favourite -- and while I would need to rewatch s7b to remember that, I do think that the-doctor-and-rose at least doesn't have to be read as romantic if one doesn't want to

which isn't to say it wasn't intended as such, and also that it was somewhat based in dtennant and billie piper and jenna coleman and (to some) matt smith being hot (sorry matt smith, he looks like a teenage boy, the dichotomy is not hot or ugly, it's does-or-does-not-look-like-a-teenager), which is kind of *sigh yeah okay you're appealing to the people who think people are hot so they wanted a bit of that sexy sexy romance (I guess)*

however I don't think that things that are romance-coded need to be engaged with on that level, as someone who's had to make that translation many many times, and I think especially with the doctor-as-character, including and especially ten when one reads ten as being projected onto, it's actually incredibly fun not to/not even really a translation so much as a textually supported read

what's especially good about the doctor and rose dynamic is specifically that the doctor never gives rose the exact thing she's looking for, and that part of the doctor's heartbreak is that he can't -- take that as a "because I'm immortal and you're not," if you want (and that's also a textually supported read), but it's also very very easily read as "because what you want and what I can give is not compatible so that I will always end up letting you down like I do everyone, and I would rather you be happy than assert what I might want, and in the end everyone leaves for one reason or another"

which... the doctor basically says to wilf. they leave. they find someone else and fall in love. they forget. they break the doctor's heart. not just rose, but everyone. rose is simply the first to remind the doctor of this fact after bringing him back after a massive traumatic event

and I think it elevates s2, which I've now seen a couple of people go "oh because of the romance it's one of my least favourite seasons," which is so fascinating to me, because s2 isn't at all about a romance through my eyes. it is for rose, because she's in love with the doctor, romantically, and that's part of her tragedy, as a mortal, as someone who's in love with her doctor and doesn't want that doctor to go or to change or to... be alien, perhaps (now I do reach, but it's open to reaching) -- and who is growing up throughout, as the first person one sees grow up in nu!who

and the doctor is constantly struggling for words: tell rose... oh she knows. and i suppose. if it's my last chance to say it. rose tyler...

rose tyler essentially brought the doctor back, made the doctor fall in love with the universe again, and brought back a childlike wonder that the doctor had had before the timewar, and how do you encompass that into simple human concepts of "romantic" or "platonic" and know

that this person is romantically in love with you in a very human way

that there is an end-point to this, which is something this person will never fully grasp until it's happened (or that person is dead)

that you do not age. that you change. that you are aliene

that you are fundamentally, always, left on your own in the end

that you have put all of your sense of your new self onto this person and it will eventually fuck everything up

so yeah, there's some heavy-duty emotional subtext in s2, but because of the deliberate lack of clarity given to that subtext, it's very very easy to take it in various kinds of directions. of course rose and the doctor are Like That in s2, they're living a little fairytale life that's about to fall to pieces (something the doctor knows, but won't admit, and rose doesn't fully understand or believe)

when rose asks the doctor how long they'll travel and the doctor says "forever," it's absolutely 100% a lie, and that is... very tragic... thinking back to their first scenes together, which were incredibly simply sweet, and you know it's stretching thinner and thinner in ways I don't think you see with any other companion

the thing is I do personally think that rose as the romantic arc makes rose less interesting than she is, and that's a flaw in the show, but I think giving hers and the doctor's run a slightly different eye, that is absolutely supported by the canon, also opens up all of her other traits, that make her so iconic -- only seeing rose through the lens of romance does her a disservice, there is a bunch more going on there in s2...

but like yeah, I get that there was some david tennant so-called sex appeal, which, yeah whatever, and billie piper was a former famous popstar, and people also do ship them romantically (and that's fine), but I think to focus on that aspect in order to say why rose isn't appealing kind of ignores everything else she is and represents on the show for something you can just read in another way easily and more interestingly and supported by the text

like people will throw around "asexual doctor" but I don't think they know enough about aromanticism (which is what they really mean) to understand how to read that in a text. deeply symbiotic relationships can be aromantic, can be platonic, and can be one-sided or messed up or or...

embrace the symbiosis of the doctor and rose in s2 that is inherently also kind of fucked up and doomed because of their deliberate blinkered perspective of the future even after the sarah-jane episode and the madame du pompadour episode which are screaming at them that things are ending soon!!! It's compelling stuff. it's not necessary to read it as romantic

give rose tyler her due as the ghost that haunts the narrative

[letteredlettered]

I'm conflicted about whether to encourage you to read the MDZS novel or not. On the one hand, it's revolutionary for danmei in many ways (to the hatred and love of many), and reading it would be akin to reading Jin Yong one day. On the other hand, if you love Wei Wuxian and find some actions in the show "unforgivable," you will be severely disappointed with him. For the sake of censorship, many of the "crimes/sins" he committed were passed onto Jin Guangyao so that the idea of "good" and "evil" are more clearly distinguished. In recent years, China has even censored some of its most popular works like Empresses in the Palace, Story of Yanxi Palace, for having heroines that were too morally grey. And of course, there were some actions too heinous to even be passed onto another character. Plus, consent is a little grey in the novel, and first times were simultaneously great and awful, prompting a sudden confession in dramatic areas.

But, I think even a bit more laden with the evils of this world... I still really loved Wei Wuxian of the novel. He tried. And failed. And maybe made things a lot worse. But as Lan Wangji said, his heart was in the right place. And... I think you'll feel a lot more for the Wen in the novel. They-- just the idea of continuous sacrifice and gratitude. I cried so much for them.

Sorry, you might regret it a bit, but I think it'll also make you feel fulfilled to read the novel.

Anyway, I hope your day is going well!

I'm already reading it! So you don't have to feel conflicted about whether to recommend it. :)

I don't think that liking it or not liking it will affect my interest in CQL or the fandom. I've been in many fandoms with multiple versions of canon; I find it's best to pick the versions that work for me and stick to them. Sometimes it can be frustrating when you love one version and hate the other version and it feels like everyone is disparaging the one you think is good in favor of the one that gives you moral hives, but I haven't really seen those kinds of comparisons going around, and this isn't Star Trek, so I'll probably be fine.

I'm a little flummoxed by this word "unforgivable." First of all, I find most things forgivable; I'm a forgiving person. Second of all, these are fictional characters; if someone does something unforgivable it doesn't make them uninteresting or unrelatable.

I don't dislike JGY because he does bad things. I am uninterested in JGY because his personality is boring to me and not something I find relatable.

I'm also a little flummoxed by the idea of not liking something because it is morally gray. I know I stomp around on tumblr.com a lot yelling about morality, but my basic moral philosophy boils down to "try your very best to cause no harm," which is something that is extremely gray, because there are no absolutes. There is no good and evil. There is only the effort to be kind and help each other, and it is shocking how fuzzy and unclear that can be.

I have hesitated to read the novels partly because I'm aware of the consent issues. I think it is important to have fiction that has non-con, including fiction that has very sexy unproblematized non-con that allows people to indulge in fantasies that would be unsafe and harmful in the real world. That said, I don't like it. At all. Not for moral reasons but because I find it singularly unsexy.

I'll conclude by saying that it's very true that I tend not to be drawn to villains as characters. It's less because I find them morally repugnant, and more because they are often uninteresting to me. I think possibly the thing that draws me to a character the most is effort, especially an effort to do and be good--but this is a personal preference, not a moral one. I identify with characters who try to be good, and this makes me like them. I enjoy them the most when they fail a lot while trying their absolutely little best. Personally, I've heard mixed reviews about WWX in MDZS canon; some report, as you do, that he tries a lot and fails; others report that he's pretty careless in ways that make me feel a lot less interested in him. Since I'm already reading it, I'll find out, but the main thing I've taken away so far is that these novels are hilarious. I can't believe how funny it is. What a delight.

[earthbovndmisfit]

Hi !! For the ask-game! 2, 5, 6, 12, 20, 21 and 24 ? sorry if it's a lot!! hope you'll have a good day!!!

Fandom/fanfic asks!

2.- Most recent fandom you joined? Not sure if it counts because I've liked the games for actual years and I've just recently got more into them and became more active in the fandom, but it would probably be the Metal Gear series.

I don't watch or consume new media very often unless it's something that somehow takes my whole attention away from what I already like and I'm deep into, so it takes a while for me to get into a new series and fandom haha

5.- Favorite platonic pairing? In Jojo, that would be Erina and Speedwagon!! I love and cherish their friendship so much despite how little we see of it onscreen. This is also why I dislike it so much whenever the "everyone dates everyone" dynamic gets forced on Jonaeriwagon instead of just letting them be a happy V-polycule (not to mention the erasure of all things homo in Speedwagon by shipping him and Erina romantically and/or sexually when that's not even "necessary" for the polycule to work). Someone once said Erina and Speedwagon invented the "girl and her gay best friend" and they were so correct.

6.- Favorite headcanon? Going with Jojo again since that's like 99% of this blog, one of my fave headcanons ever is that of Speedwagon's body being covered by scars from his many years as a criminal (+ all of the more "honorable" ones he got after he joined Jonathan and helped him fight zombies, the one he got from Jack The Ripper, and whatnot).

Related to that one, I love the headcanon that Jonathan too has scars, most of them from his childhood, from his reckless ways (like that time we see him walking on a tree branch as a kid in the manga) and from playing around with Danny by the river, or from his boxing and rugby training. He also still has the scar from the wound Speedwagon caused him with his buzzsaw hat during their first encounter, since he wasn't a hamon user at the time and was unable to heal himself (the wound was said to be a deep cut, so it definitely must have left a scar). The sight of that one scar always makes Speedwagon apologize profusely bc he still feels bad for permanently marking Jonathan's skin with his own recklessness, however, Jonathan always reassures him that it's okay and that he genuinely likes it because, in Jonathan's words, much like Speedwagon's face scar does to him, it gives him personality too, and also "now we match, too, Robert!"

12.- Craziest thing you've ever done as part of a fandom? Already answered this one. This one is not as "crazy" I think?? But I'm adding it anyway as a bonus: I've always had a "if it doesn't exist, then make it yourself" approach when it comes to fandom stuff and spaces as a result of me always getting into obscure and/or unpopular fandoms/characters/ships, and so I always try to find ways to spread the love for what I like and share it with other fans regardless of how big or small the community is and promote interactions as much as I can and etc. This is also why I've kept this blog as some kind of "central" for all things Speedwagon/Jonathan and Jonawagon, for example. It is also why I try to tag every post I make or reblog, to make navigation easier for any and all fans of them who end up here, as I do still remember just how difficult it was to find anything for them years ago, when all you'd find would be "Speedweeeed best gril! XD! le funny memez" full of out of character bullshit.

20.- All-time favorite fanfic author? Probably HamonHugs when it comes to Jojo. Their portrayal of Jonathan and Speedwagon was always so on point and their stories were always so *chef's kiss* and had a perfect balance between fluff and cute moments and super hot and sexy ones too. There was also a fanfic author in the Yu Yu Hakusho fandom that I liked a lot but I can't remember their alias. They wrote some really good KuronuexKurama stories, though, as far as I can remember, they deleted their stories some years ago.

21.- Favorite fic trope? Already answered this one too!

24.- Funniest fandom-related story? Already answered too! As a small bonus, I wouldn't say it's precisely funny since it's more of a super nice and touching experience I had, but it has happened to me at least once that someone recommended to me one of my own fics, saying it was one of their favorite fics ever and that I should totally read it. This person didn't know I was the author since I rarely ever mention my ao3/wattpad accounts or the fact that I raaaaarely ever write fics, so it was genuine praise. It was kinda odd in the best way possible and it was also super touching in the sense that once more I could see first-hand the positive impact some of my writing has had on someone else, similar to the times people have taken time out of their day to tell me just how much they enjoy my creations, or how happy they make them, whether it's my fics or my art. It's just undescribable but it truly makes my day every single time it happens 🫶

[krisdreaming]

not really a request but i just wanna know what being asexual is like, only if you want to / are comfortable with it ofc!! (sorry if i worded it wrong. i’m not familiar with the term. the internet definitions just confuse me more🫠🫠) sorry if this makes you uncomfortable please ignore it! have a great day and take care🫂🫂

Hi there, sorry for the kind of late response on this! Don't worry, it doesn't make me uncomfortable at all. I'm happy to talk about things like this!

First I just want to say that being asexual is definitely not the same for everyone, so I'll just talk about what it's like for me. Basically, I don't feel sexually attracted to anyone. I don't ever look at someone and think, "wow, they are so sexy/hot, I would love to have sex with that person". Of course I still find people aesthetically attractive. There are men I find handsome or women that I find beautiful, and would consider them pleasing to look at. But it doesn't go beyond that.

Also, again this is my personal experience only, even the idea of sex is very off-putting to me. The thought of all that is involved in having sex with another person is just not comfortable for me. Even kissing, which I do enjoy reading/writing about, is not very enjoyable for me to personally participate in.

Since you seem genuinely curious, I'll talk a little more about asexuality in general! If you don't care, feel free to stop reading at any time. I'll put the rest blow a cut.

Asexuality is a spectrum, which basically just means that there are a lot of different ways you can experience it while still being considered asexual. The main thing that "makes" you asexual is just the lack of sexual attraction, which I talked about earlier. There are asexual people who still enjoy sex, because YES, you can still enjoy sex as an asexual person! All of the "bits" still work just like they're supposed to.

There are also people who would be considered gray-asexual, who may experience sexual attraction sometimes, but not others. There are people who would be considered demi-sexual, who only start to feel sexual attraction after they've already developed a strong bond with that person. Basically, if you ever experience a lack of sexual attraction, you could be considered asexual.

There's honestly more to it, and I could talk about more things (like aromanticism and how that fits in with everything) but for now I'll just leave it at that. If you have any more questions, please let me know! This is something I don't mind talking about at all.

Also, I've answered a few asks like this in the past, so you can check out my asexuality tag.

[whatyourusherthinks]

Howl's Movie Castle Review

What's with the Ghibli movies? Well the theater is just doing a month of Miyazaki films right now, and I'm taking the opportunity to watch all of them and lessen my Ghibli blind spot. And boy howdy, am I glad I am. Next week is My Neighbor Totoro, but I've seen that before so I'm not sure if I'll review it.

What's The Movie About?

Sophie is a quiet haberdasher who one day gets saved by a very handsome wizard, cursed by a witch to become old, then works for the handsome wizard as his housecleaner while trying to break her curse and get him to fall in love with her. Howl is the name of the wizard, by the way. (I feel like my synopses get worse every review.) Also, war is happening and it's bad.

What I Like.

There is so much about this movie that specifically tickles me. Obviously the animation is excellent, it's Studio Ghibli. With Howl's specifically I was admiring the backgrounds, I love how busy they are with little trinkets and knickknacks all over the titular castle. I also really like the characters. Sophie is an almost perfect protagonist for me. She's driven, yet not obnoxious. She can be both funny and dramatic, she makes a positive impact on everyone she meets, but she's also flawed. Howl's gonna get his own paragraph, but I love all the Moving Castle family members. I really like Markl's wizard disguise. Calcifer is also great and funny, I really like how demons work in the movie. I'm totally gonna steal the swallowing stars to turn your heart into a demon thing for an RPG, it's so cool. I also really like the Witch of the Wastes, and I like that even after she is welcomed the family she's still very selfish and vice-prone. And there's even a dog character I like! I really love the magic in the movie. I don't know if I can explain this properly, but I love when magic is unknowable but has definitions. Like when a fantasy story has a wizard who just seems to be able to do whatever they hell they want just by flicking their wrist or whispering a word, and then they come across something magical and they turn to their non-magic friends and is like "These are the Runes of Shiiiiiiiii'rak. I read a tome that will help me translate the spell they inscribe." I think that's cool. I don't mind if a story goes full unknowable or reality warping magic, but I find stories that try to explain magic fully get bogged down by minutia of it all and rarely ever make sense. I also really like when magic has a lot of physical components to it, like magicians need to take damage or physically manipulate magic to get their spells to work, like when Howl removes the Witch's message from the table. The worldbuilding in this movie is fantastic. I mentioned the demon heart thing, but I also like the designs of the flying machines that the two nations have, the goop creatures employed by both the Witch of the Wastes and the armies are kinda freaky to be honest, and again, the Moving Castle looks so cool! The movie starts with a shot of the Castle, which is the perfect opening. The final shot is also perfect, now that I think about it.

And finally, Howl. This portion is literally just going to be gushing about how hot he is, so skip to the next session if you don't care. He is so goddamn sexy. I almost never get on with playboy characters, because more often than not their personalities are so horrendous that it makes no sense that anyone would want to sleep with them. I totally get why Howl has the reputation he has. Not only is his first introduction with Sophie incredibly smooth, he actually has a pretty likable personality. I mean, he has his moments of being obnoxious, but once they explain why I totally sympathized. Also, and this is obviously just a me thing, but I liked all his monstrous forms. I like birds, and monsters, and he's a bird monster. Basically it doesn't matter what he looked like, I'd still let him fuck me if he wanted. I'm not sorry.

What I Didn't Like.

Admittedly, the story feels like two plots that don't quite mesh together. I wouldn't even call it a case of "we're just examining what this world is like" since they are both equally prominent in the story. It just feels like the curse story wasn't long enough for a feature film so they added the anti-war story as well. Also, there was like one scene where Howl is a bitch and Sophie runs off to cry and I wasn't sure why it was happening, but I got to see Ghibli's gorgeous tears animation and so I ain't mad.

Final Summation.

As of time of writing, I have seen 5 Ghibli/Hayao Miyazaki movies. This, Spirited Away, My Neighbor Totoro, Ponyo, and The Boy and the Heron. I like them all. But Howl's is my favorite.

Listen. It may not be the most polished movie ever. The plot is more like two smashed together. But goddamn do I like the characters. And goddamn is the world cool. And goddamn is the animation gorgeous. And goddamn is Howl HOT! GET OFF MY BACK SPIRITED AWAY STANS!

[rins-batcave]

I am very sorry if this is to personal or if it is rude for me to be asking, and you don't have to answer, I was just wonder, you said you were asexual and panromantic, I was just wondering how you figured that out? I have recently been wondering if I may be asexual but I don't know if it is because I am just to young to feel those feelings (all though I am a teenager) but like at what point do you realize that that is just who you are? When do you realize that it isn't because you are too young?

Srry this is so long lol i really dumped all of my brain out. but i identified as asexual kinda young (like 10) (though i am still a teen too) i feel like i might not be the best person to ask about this since i'm like constantly questioning my own identity but i'll do my best lol.

TLDR: so yeah that was really long and im srry i'm kinda all over the place in my writing/i'm bad at putting my brain to words but to summarize i kinda figured it out along with a lot of gender stuff when i started to really question what i was conforming to and why i always assumed i wanted sex, without actually wanting it, i don't think a teen is too young to identify as ace, and you can always change your label if you start to feel a different way.

im really sorry if i wasn't helpful, a lot of it is just reflecting on how you feel yourself which i know was hard for me, but it is just a label and it's not life or death to decide how you feel. labels helped me a feel a lot more secure in myself, but also joining asexual communities and talking to other people about their experiences is really, really helpful.

Also really sorry if I misspoke or something now I’m really anxious about that so it u see any mistakes let me know

So for how i figured it out: like for me i think it started with having a crush who was non binary. that started a spew of gender shit too but i realized i really really liked them romanitcally, aesthetically, but poeple would always ask if i found them hot or sexy and that just wasn't something i felt.

(and yeah i was young but i also developed really early on)

i feel like they were my first real crush, and i just realized that when people around me talk about attractiveness, most think in a "wow, I want to have sex with that person" way.

i would like to mention that i also really dislike physical touch and being naked, so I've always known that I didn’t want sex. (not everyone feels that way and many people love romantic touch, platonic touch, and asexual people can have sex) Like in my brain it was this weird thing of i hate people touching me, but i guess i'll have sex in my life cus everyone has sex.

i identify as aegosexual, which means i experience a disconnect between myself and the subject of arousal. i hesitated to identify as asexual for a while because I still had reactions to sexual content, but i now feel that aegosexuality better describes me.

Too young:

I think the whole you're too young to know argument a lot of people use is unreasonable. For one most straight or gay people realize what their desires are as teens. Why can't someone decide they don't feel sexual attraction at that age too? i have never had sex, and i really don't plan too, but that doesn't mean that i can't be asexual. young people still feel those feelings.

for a bit i did blame it on me being too young, but i knew i had also felt arousal and understood what i wasn't feeling. depending on maturity, when people hit puberty, all of that may affect how they feel, but i mean the majority of teens do start feeling stuff by then. i think at some point it clicked in my brain that i didn't want sex not because i was a kid but because i didn't feel that kind of attraction and thats just a switch i had.

my sexuality came along with a lot of gender stuff in my life, and when i started to see myself in a not cishet light i was able to see that not everyone has to feel sexual attraction.

lastly, it's just a label. For a while I got caught in finding the perfect label for everything I felt, and while I did end up finding aegosexuality, not everyone can just find their perfect label. If you do decide you are asexual and then change your label later on it's fine! people change and once you identify as something once it doesn't mean you can't change that.

im really sorry if i wasn't helpful, a lot of it is just reflecting on how you feel yourself which i know was hard for me, but it is just a label and it's not life or death to decide how you feel. labels helped me a feel a lot more secure in myself, but also joining asexual communities and talking to other people about their experiences is really, really helpful.

[rayroa]

Hiss Golden Messenger Q&A for Creative Loafing Tampa Bay (2024)

Photo by Graham Tolbert/All Eyes Media

I'm gonna put some ear buds in here then it'll sound a whole lot better.

OK, and let me know if it sounds bad because sometimes it does sound bad on here. I've been listening to Pecker Power today, on your recommendation. 

Oh, really? Yeah, follow that. Follow that page?

Yeah, my buddy told me to follow it. And it's great because you forget that it's you. It's just like a picture of a record in your feed. And then you just make a decision for that  moment. ‘Yeah, alright. Let me find that, man.”

I love having that weird little Instagram account that's not trying to sell people anything—nothing. I'm just talking about dorky music stuff. It's kind of like my vibe right now. 

And you have The Kitchen Speculator, too. It's cool that you have these outlets to communicate. It's like a less cynical version of social media, or iteration…

That's right, man, I'm trying to keep it kind of keep it pure.

Hey, I know that fall is your favorite season, but I can imagine that the winter is kind of beautiful in the North Carolina Piedmont. And correct me if I'm wrong, but I remember listening to a podcast or something where you talked about your mom's felt Christmas ornaments with these bells on them. I was wondering, since we're in January, is yours the kind of family that has a tree still up? And do your kids know the sentimental value of the ornaments?

Do they know the sentimental value of the ornaments? Yes, definitely. I don't know if they see it as heavily as I do, but they definitely are aware which ornaments came from my mom. And no, we don't keep the tree up because I love the pageantry of the season—there's something very nostalgic and comforting about things like Christmas lights for me—but I also really appreciate the moving on of January and the feeling of a fresh start if you need it. I kind of think deep into the season and also I'm ready to move on, so I think we had our tree out of the house like just a few days after Christmas probably.

That's an aspirational thing for a lot of families, so it's cool to hear that you have your house in order to that degree.

It's really how I'm wired though. I'm a little bit of an OCD kind of person. So it kind of is in line with that.

Yeah, you gotta check these boxes. You gotta get through the day. I mean, it's kind of a less sexy version of getting a stone up a hill, you know, let me get this tree down first, and move on to the other stuff.

Yeah, kind of.

By the way, I realize there's no way we can like adequately talk about songs in 20 minutes, and I think a lot of people have said a lot of things about Jump For Joy already, so I'm just gonna let those songs kind of speak for themselves and maybe ask some kind of other questions around the band and whatnot.

You've mentioned that the songs are kind of like a long postcard between you and a younger, maybe teenage, version of yourself. And in a way the record's also kind of recalibration of your songwriting, and you're wearing hope, in a way, on this record, and I was thinking about that word "recalibration." And then I was thinking of the band and the fact that Hiss Golden Messenger doesn't do the same show twice—that's a lesson you learned from elders. I want to ask you about this live set. I know after that initial run, you said that the band is sounding good, and the shows are pretty uplifting for everyone. Especially now. Everything considered in the world. Simple question, and I'm sorry, I don't know the answer already. But who is in the band for this spring run coming to Tampa?

Yeah, the band is and has been for several years: Chris Boerner, playing electric guitar, Sam Fribush on organ and piano, Alex Bingham plays bass, and Nick Falk plays the drum kit.

Perfect, and the Hiss Mobile recording unit will be on tour as well. I'm wondering, to stay on that recalibration, Mike. I know that you unpack a tour after a run. How has that recalibration kind of manifested itself within the context of the band? Can you tell me a little bit about how the songs from Jump For Joy have already changed as the shows stack up? And what have these songs revealed to you about themselves in this context, and this run?

It's interesting to take a new record out on the road because we had played a lot of these songs a lot during 2023 before we recorded them, but not in the way that we have been over the past two or three months. The more times you play a new song, the more you learn about how it's working in that sort of heightened or amplified, emotional, state of a live show. And you also see how it's working for the audience. There might be a song that seems like a home run for the audience, and it just isn't like connecting the way that you thought it would and, and conversely, you're gonna find a song that you might have had a question mark about just in terms of how to present it—and it becomes its own.

A song like "Jesus Is Bored " on Jump For Joy. I love that song. I have a super-deep connection to that song; in a lot of ways it kind of feels like a thesis for the record, but it's not the loudest song, it's not the fastest song. I just didn't quite know what kind of quality it would take on live, and it's taken on a really beautiful thing that kind of unfurled really slowly and in a really extended fashion. That's not something I was anticipating at all, but it went there, and I was like, 'This is how we play this song for people.' That's one example of how stuff has started to exist off that record.

That's awesome, and I like hearing your talk about feeling the audience and being aware of it. I think some people would assume that some performers kind of blackout and I guess, to some degree they do on stage, but it's cool to hear that you still get to live in that moment of the live experience that you're creating in this space. 

It's a transcendental state for me. So my experience of it is, like I said, is heightened for sure—emotionally, physically. But at the same time, I can feel the energy in the room even if I'm not looking at the audience directly in the eyes, I can feel what the energy is. I would say I'm usually pretty on the money about what an audience wants, what an audience needs, what an audience can take. This is just stuff that, when you spent enough time on stages in front of people, you start to learn how—you can read it.

In that vein, and that kind of context, transcendental memory in that state, are you able to remember anything about geographic locations? Like can you remember, how crowds in Florida have made you feel or is it not like that?

Oh my god, that's a good question. I mean, I want to be diplomatic about it.

I mean, it's OK to be forgettable man.

I don't want to be that dude in the paper that's complaining about the place that he's playing. That's not a good look at all.

Listen, there's a lot to complain about in Florida from a legislative standpoint, historically there are some things...

You don't need more from me. OK, I'll put it this way. I'm fascinated with Florida. I'm not against Florida, you know what I mean? And the last time we played in Tampa, I think, was at a festival many years ago.

It was called Gasparilla Music Festival.

Yeah. And I had a fucking great time. I thought it was really cool. And I thought, 'Tampa seems cool. I'm into this place.' So if I had to talk specifically about my experience with Tampa, that's what it would be: I had a great time in Tampa.

And Tampa has changed a lot, I think as much in the same vein as it has up there with you guys as far as people's concerns about affordability and who matters and what voices get amplified and acknowledged and conversations from a civic standpoint, and things like that. So I think our regions have experienced similar growth. 

No doubt.

I want to ask you about November 27 Kitchen Table Speculator. You opened with poems from Diane di Prima and Joy Harjo. You talked about the possibility of a sunset on an empire and whatever this collective thing is that we're witnessing, but then you also talked about holding on to joy and pain and magic and fear all at once—you know, back to getting that stone up the hill. Sorry to kind of bring it down here, but I think I heard somewhere that in spite of all this narrative about joy and this album, in some ways, you're still like the same depressed guy, but you kind of alluded to how the band is bringing some joy and happiness. I'm wondering chemically, or in the inner wiring, how and in what fashion does it change you to play these "happier less cynical songs" every night? Or does it all stay up there, then you get back to the world when it's over.

I mean, this is a multi-part question. First of all, I wouldn't say that I'm the same old depressed guy. And I don't know that I ever would have described myself like that. I definitely struggle with depression and probably always will in some fashion, but also think of myself as a very fun, funny person that can be as light and easygoing or as heavy as the situation calls for. Probably, if you were to ask my bandmates, "Is Mike as heavy as some of the songs might make them feel?," they would say like, "Not at all." So that's that part.

I think that Jump For Joy, in so many ways, is totally consistent, thematically, with the music that I've made all throughout my life as Hiss Golden Messenger. I think that I was working really rhythmically and thinking a lot about tempo for Jump For Joy, and that was very intentional. But in terms of the way the songs exist, the chords that get used, the things that were troubling me, or bringing me joy and peace—that stuff on Jump For Joy feels like it's pretty consistent with the rest of my work. I feel like what people are reacting to when they think of this record as more joyful, which I would agree with, is just the musical feel of  the record, if that makes sense. 

No, it does. I think from the get go—even on your lo-fi recordings, which I spent some time listening to in the run up to this interview, and revisiting those—there is still this devotion to groove throughout the whole thing.

That's what I'm saying, man. Even the Hiss Golden Messenger songs that are at the slowest tempo, everything always grooves. That's always been almost the most important musical quality of what I do as Hiss, I think. Everything has to feel like it's in the pocket, it's in some kind of pocket, you know? That's really important to me.

Now that you're saying that kind of that out loud, I think of my first—you know, you only get one first time listening to a band—but those first few listens, I think, is interesting how Hiss music does kind of embed itself within whatever tempo you have going on in your life and sometimes Hiss music doesn't fit with whatever's going on in your day at the time, and you realize that, "Oh, this isn't the record for me right now. I gotta find something else." So I've always appreciated that about your music, for sure.

I want to ask you about mystery. I think you've talked about kind of craving mystery and this time of digital media, and endless access and over exposure in a way. What is your mind wandering and wandering about and around today?

I'm working on a lot of projects right now that are Hiss adjacent. I feel like I am just starting a quest—and who knows how long it's gonna last—to find my way back into not knowing, if that makes sense. I'm trying to find my way back to a feeling of mystery and magic. I want that to be the first feeling that I feel when I pick up an instrument. And I'm not saying that I don't feel that already, but it just occurs to me in this moment of our time, that that feels almost like the most important part of music, both as a listener and as a creator—the mystery. So I'm really honing in on that feeling whenever and wherever I can find it. I feel like certainly, part of this year for me is going to be about encountering the mystery, the not knowing, the freshness, the experimentation—encountering it wherever I can find it.

And it's such a wonderful excuse to really work on you're listening, too, whether it's physically listening with your ears or just body listening and emotionally trying to be quiet and tune in.

That's right, man. That's right.

By the way, I liked that you mentioned that you're probably funnier than people might think you are because when I found out that Johnny Fritz was in your “Nu-Grape” video, I immediately went to it because I think he's like, the funniest and best like songwriter with a replaced hip out there.

I mean, that guy is so fucking funny.

But you met the moment in that video. I feel like you two had good, parallel, complimentary performances that were rooted in humor.

Oh, dude. He made that video. I don't even really know Johnny that well, but I'm a fan. It feels like we know each other kind of well now. But before that video, as we were conceptualizing what it was going to be, who, all that stuff, I was like, "We're gonna get Johnny Fritz. It's really like the only way that this concept works, or someone like Johnny Fritz." But I couldn't think of anyone else. I love being with him because he's so funny, and has so many different characters, but he's also a super deep, super smart dude—he's not turned on like that all the time. He's also like a real deep cat.

The songs really mess you up when you're listening to him. He's got those records that like they'll kind of hit you on like the eighth or ninth kind of listen, and you're like, "What did he just say?" You thought it was a song about riding in a tour van,  then you realize that he kind of deconstructed this emotion inside of you about abandonment and things like that and it feels intentional once you kind of see it. know?

And I'm sure it is. He's an extremely astute person.

I know we're kind of getting short on time. Mike. I want to kind of go back to happy songs, sad songs, and I want to talk about how those emotions are kind of complex in their own way. Some would believe those emotions are complementary. I know that there is an art to finding the language to write songs about happiness. You mentioned you know, "Jesus Is Bored" as a song that's kind of transformed for you in the live setting, but do you feel like there are songs on Jump For Joy that include both happiness and sadness, in a way, and using language that you're pretty proud of? As far as being a songwriter and being a person?

I think every song on the record is a combination of both at the same time because I've always wanted that to be my mission as a songwriter: to be able to convey like the fullness of being a human—as grandiose or as lofty is that sounds—to convey the fullness of being a human in a song. Part of that, for me, feels like this idea that not everything is either happy or sad. My experience of the world as I walked through it is that everything is both of those at the same time. I mean, not everything, but you know what I mean? My experience mostly is that I'm feeling both at the same time. And I've really chased that ambiguity intentionally over the years with some very specific things that I do technically, from tuning a guitar in a certain way to like leaving the chords very undefined. So yeah, it's a little bit of a cop out answer, but I really think my best songs are songs that feel happy and sad at the same time.

That's a great answer, especially for at the end of a short interview, which I know we're at the end here, and I wanted to kind of leave with this question, maybe. You mentioned you know this mission for this year about encountering that mystery, that not knowing the freshness, that experimentation, and trying to touch it wherever you can find it. Can you maybe tell me—I don't know maybe from a mechanical standpoint or practice standpoint—what does getting small and quiet look like for you? Like, how do you get there?

Well, getting small and quiet isn't the same for me as encountering the mystery because I've actually been doing a lot of work with a lot of different musicians lately. It has been kind of cacophonous in a way. But to answer your question of what it means to get small and quiet, I mean, I think it means me going back to the room that I write in, with a guitar or whatever instruments, and a notebook and, seeing what happens. Sort of surrounding myself with the creative input that still fuels me. There's tons and tons of poetry in this house, there's tons of records, and this is just my place. There's tons of guitars and amplifiers. It's just my place to be sort of quiet and meditative, I guess.

Well, Tampa will be grateful when you get out of that place and come visit us for a few and I think we would all like to join you on the Kamayo Cruise but we'll let you eat cruise food for three days on your own there.

Cruise Food. That's a good name for a band.

It is a great name for a band—that should actually be the sequel to "Nu-Grape," just call it “Cruise Food.”

Haha, that's funny. OK, dude. Well, thank you so much. Thanks for the good questions, actually, they were great.

I really enjoyed talking to you. And thank you for making the time for me and thank you for all your music. It's, been great to have in my life. So I hope you have a great week.

Thank you, brother. Thank you, I appreciate that.

Of course. Bye.

[tainbocuailnge]

Do you have any tips for writing Oberon? I'm struggling getting a handle on him for my fic.

i don't know about writing him because I don't write fic but I can tell you some things I personally find important about his characterisation

oberon may be suicidal but he's not defeatist. in fact he's extremely stubborn and will get back up as many times as it takes until his goal is realized. he wants to die but he absolutely refuses to die on anything but his own terms. oberon doesn't break, not because he was broken from the start or anything but because he's simply too stubborn to have a breaking point. he doesn't stay down, he doesn't get demoralised, he relentlessly keeps working towards his goals. by all means he should be broken from the start what with being a corpse puppeteered by bugs and his very existence being meant to bring an end to all things, he just refuses. he's terrible at staying down because he embodies the will of a land that wants to die but kept on trucking for 14.000 years.

oberon always lies, but his lies aren't just blatant untruths. they're lies because you can't derive meaning from them. he IS capable of saying things that are true, just not in a way where he can make it unambiguously clear that it was true so you're always left wondering just how much of it he meant. you can't believe his words so you have to trust in his actions, because that is where his actual intentions show. vortigern tells guda he killed everyone on the shadow border starting with mash, but he hands them an apple while doing so because he can tell they're tired and haven't eaten in a while. i wouldn't say he's a compulsive liar per se, it's not that he personally struggles to be honest so much as that the world itself conspires to make it impossible for his words to have meaning and he needs to dance around that. oberon chooses his words very carefully, because he is cursed so that anything he says loses meaning.

vortigern is not smooth. sorry to all the simps out there but he will never kabedon you and if he did guda wouldn't blush about it they'd just dunk on him because their whole relationship is rooted in them being able to see through his bullshit. he's not a cool evil king. he's not a hammy villain. he's not a domineering figure. vortigern is a guy in pain who is acting tough by wearing a cloak that's too big for him. his idea of being sexy and evil is unbuttoning the collar of his frilly blouse like he's genuinely just a dude the same way castoria is genuinely just a country girl.

one common misconception i've seen go around is that the welsch fairies brainwashed (?) vortigern into believing he's oberon. this is false, from the start he was both vortigern and oberon and until the end he is both oberon and vortigern. it's bad to think of it as two separate people in a body or something like that too, because all of it is traits that are his own, he just picks and chooses which to emphasize. everyone acts different in different situations, he's just more extreme about it. when he's oberon he's lying about not being vortigern. when he's vortigern he's lying about not being oberon. the guy who wants to destroy the world and the guy who wants to save the world are the same, because the reason he wants to destroy the world is that it was built on the suffering of those who weren't deemed important enough to be saved so if there's a chance to save them after all he's compelled to try it. his true personality lies between those two extremes, and the closest we get to seeing it is the rude oberon that shows up to chaldea after all is said and done. because he's way too stubborn to stay down, so in the end he will always get back up and try to be the fairy king that the bug fairies need him to be again.

[slightlyrebelliouswriter23]

I am sorry for my earlier question regarding Nicasia… It was not meant for discourse baiting… but she is a very unsympathetic character in my view…. But I did not mean to discourse bait. I am genuinely curious why you find sympathy for Nicasia….

first, i'll give you the general disclaimer: i'm not really in the business of defending villains because 1) they don't need saving (that's the great thing about them), 2) it's not my job to make you like them, and 3) there are so many villains in TFOTA, if i spent my time trying to defend every single one to you, i'd be going through almost the entire cast of characters (and probably sound like a broken record by the end of it).

nobody wants that.

so, if you're here with an open mind, i'll give you some points that are more specific to Nicasia's character and why i've grown to like her. if you're not interested in hearing a defence for her character, keep scrolling, this is not the post for you.

a. i'll be the first to admit that i didn't truly like Nicasia until i came up with Nicaryn.

so i'm aware part of my sympathy for her is purely self-indulgent. which is fine. i'm allowed to like a character "just because".

i want to believe there is a world where her and Taryn could end up together, and i know that would never happen if Nicasia continued on her trajectory of being a massive dick to everyone.

but obviously Nicaryn isn't for everyone, and they certainly aren't canon (even if it just makes sense), so i won't use the ship as a main talking point.

1. i sympathise with Nicasia precisely because she is so young and so flawed. these are the qualities we can relate to.

think about it. everything else about Nicasia is entirely unrelatable. ethereal beauty, immortality, royalty. hell, the girl can grow a fish tail and breath underwater. but an ethereally beautiful, immortal mermaid princess who is still subject to making erroneous decisions, behaving erratically, and having selfish motives?

somehow, that makes her character less far fetched. somehow, that is relatable.

the most we know about her is that she comes from a cold harsh place with a cold harsh mother who would use her daughter as a political pawn for her own agenda. but Nicasia is also a teenager who has recently had her heart broken. what is more relatable than young love lost?

and if it wasn't truly love that broke her heart, it was probably the feeling that she has failed her mother and her kingdom by ruining her chances with Cardan that broke it. either way, if you've never had your heart broken before, let me tell you how it goes:

it makes you go insane. and not in a sexy way.

when we're young, and full of a riot of emotions and hormones, we make mistakes. we act in horrid awful ways that make us cringe. being young and full of hormones doesn't excuse us from the mistakes we make. but it doesn't make us any less deserving of love or any less capable of change/growth, either.

if you can't sympathise with being young and overwrought and fucking up, then i have to conclude you've either never done anything wrong (and are lying to yourself if you think that's true), or you haven't yet viewed your 17-20 year old self through the rear-view mirror of life. in which case, you either have to take my word for it, or wait a couple years for Nicasia to truly make sense to you.

2. more importantly, i don't care much about what Nicasia did to Jude in the Undersea or at school.

i care more about Jude and how those things made her feel and how she overcame the things Nicasia did to her.

were Nicasia's actions fucked up? absolutely. but if you haven't noticed, this entire series is about fucked up things happening to fucked up people in a fucked up little world.

just because we have one (fictional) character's very biased (fictional) perspective, doesn't mean other (fictional) things aren't happening to the other (fictional) characters at the same time. there are many sides to this (fictional) story we haven't seen.

do you get where i'm going with this? it's fiction. these people/places/events, as much as we might wish them to be real, are not real. so morals should have nothing to do with appreciating a character.

reading fiction, liking fiction, or liking fictional characters does not equate to condoning their actions irl. my enjoyment of a character does not say anything about who i am as a person. just because your fictional friends jump off a bridge doesn't mean you're going to do it irl, right? realising this is a fundamental part of critical reading.

it is very dangerous rhetoric to presume that a person's fictional preferences reflect anything of their real life ones.

3. to wrap this up, cos i'm honestly getting a little bored hearing myself speak on this topic, one of the very big reasons i like Nicasia is her potential for growth.

like so many of the characters in TFOTA, Nicasia is flawed. so, so flawed. which makes her interesting. if you like perfect characters in perfect worlds where everything aligns to your personal morals and is "for the greater good", i'm sorry to say this probably isn't the series for you.

instead of judging Nicasia et. al. for doing the things they do, i ask myself "why do they do this?", and i am happy to report that thinking of the text through a curious lens, rather than a judgemental one, has never failed to increase the enjoyability of my reading experience by at least ten-fold.

the imperfect state of Nicasia's character lends itself very well to the potential for change and the makings of another story.

we even see towards the end of QON, when Jude asks Nicasia for help, Nicasia does not scorn her. she gets down on her knees and begs Jude to save Cardan. the princess of the Undersea. begs. she tells Jude how much Cardan loves her. Nicasia. who was once jealous and heartbroken enough over Cardan so as to shoot one of his alleged dalliances. she willingly attests to his love for another person—for Jude, whom she hated.

now, i don't think anyone would say we should be worshipping at Nicasia's feet for being humble for 2.5 seconds. and we can certainly still be wary of her in the future. but i think it points to a fact of growth that people don't like to see, much less commend. growth is slow, it is clumsy, it is not all at once. it's concerning how people only want to see the final product, instead of all the messy steps in between.

besides, just think– if every character were polished smooth by moral superiority at the end of every story, there would be no more stories left to tell.

–Em 🖤🗡

more theories & analysis

[delirious-donna]

Hey cutie 🖤

Just wanted to pop on here and say I hope you’re having a fabulous weekend so far. Don’t work yourself too hard!

Thought it may be fun to see who you ship your moots with when you have time, and also see who you ship me with? 😉

Love you,

🕷

Shipping time has arrived!! 😈

Now first, I ship all you absolute babes with me above all else. I'd treat you so good... I swear, just gimme the chance.

Second, I have a lot of moots and I've tried to include as many as possible. If I missed you (I'm sorry and it's just an oversight) and you want a ship please just ask, I don't mind!

Oh, and 🕷️ - I ship you exclusively with me... you are my beloved, although I have a high suspicion that I've shipped you below 😉

@tired-biscuit - Kiba. Okay, so it might seem like I'm only making this choice because you love him so very much but I do genuinely think you two would be cute together. You’d tell him bluntly when he was being an ass and he’d protect you so fiercely. No one talks bad to his girl, well... unless it's him and only in the bedroom. Yes, he can be harsh but he knows when you are feeling too soft and he won’t breach that trust.

@azurelyy - Shikamaru. You deserve someone that will stimulate your mind as well as your body. 😉 he thinks you're adorable and is easily pulled along by your bright personality when he would normally prefer to laze around. He will test your patience for sure, but it will be rewarded tenfold. A perfect couple. Oh, and if you call him Daddy, he WILL lose all self control. I dare you Az…

@at-heart-artwork - Yuta. He is so soft and gentle but powerful and determinedly protective of his loved ones. He would make you feel so fucking loved, never doubting his affection for you for even a moment. You would be his safe space, where he can relax and feel at ease. Head settled on your lap whilst you stroke his hair and watch whatever the hell you choose, he isn’t picky as long as you are happy.

@nightingaleflow - Gaara. I took so long deliberating over this choice. He is stoic and very driven, something that he would use to help you in any way he could. Affection doesn't come easy to him but your sweet nature makes it so natural for him to whisper those sweet words that fill his head without feeling embarrassed. You are his biggest supporter, never halting in your belief that he can do whatever he puts his mind to. Two cuties.

@leavesandflowers - Geto. A monkey you may be, but he’ll make an exception for only you. You are wickedly funny and very open, he likes that and he’d push you to the limits of what you'd be willing to experience. You find him dark and sexy, drawn to that bad boy side and most likely encouraging it, knowing you. Naughty girl..!

@honeylavendr - Draken. I spent a long time jumping between fandoms for you and although this is a new one, I think it's the right choice. Draken is very laid back despite his maniac friends. He is used to the demands of Mikey so you are a piece of cake in comparison and a hell of a lot sweeter. He’ll scoff at your humourous one-liners but secretly he thinks you're so funny and cute. He’ll wrap you in bruising bear hugs and chase you around when you're being silly. Feed him strawberries, Cher. The man is so hungry...

@mochikage - Yuuji. I’m sticking with this cause I think you two would so adorable. If you wanna add Megumi in for a little poly I’d fully support that. A lil trio of cuties that are able to support each other in the way they need it. Yuuji would be the most encouraging partner, so supportive and sweet. Megumi is the solace, the person to cling to when things get too much. You are the glue that keeps everyone together with your sweet affection and just overall cuteness.

@allyallygator - Naruto. So, I’m not so sure that I know your thoughts on best boy Uzumaki but when I think of you, I think you’d look cute with Lord Seventh. He would literally light up anytime you walked in a room and he finds it impossible not to be touching you in some way. You would bask in his sunshine aura, feeling so very wanted by your handsome man.

@sneetsnoot - Jiraiya. I almost wanna say obvs and leave it that cause this is so iconic but I’ll elaborate. Who else could deal with your sense of humour and just ‘you’ other than Jiraiya? He indulges you, and finds you so funny that his sides hurt but goddammit are you cute. He can read you his ideas for his latest book without fear of judgment and you'll even act them out with him. Classic duo.

@thoughtfullyrainynightmare - Fuegoleon. Whether you are self-inserting in Embers or not, I believe that you and Solara are the same person and who else but Fuegoleon could I ship either of you with? He feels so deeply but struggles to show it, you draw that side out of him and soften those slightly jagged edges. Fue helps you to be your best and supports all your dreams with fiery dedication.

@lyranova - William. I’m not fully sure why but he was the first person who came to mind when I thought about this. He is sweet and thoughtful, wanting to hear about your day and rubbing your shoulders late at night. You offer that quiet solace in which he can unwind and truly be himself. He doesn’t have to hide behind his mask with you, you accept him as he is and he appreciates that so much.

@virtue-and-beneviolence - Hanma. Who else? You guys are chaos in physical form and I am here for it. He incites those crazy thoughts in your mind, whispers in your ear and sits back to watch what happens. You are so fun to him and not in a “let’s see how far I can push her” way but more “wow, she is really intriguing.” Oh and Kisaki is definitely your bestie who likes to blast Hanma all the time.

[lalaangeldust]

𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲'𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐜𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡 𝐨𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮

𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 & 𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐬

[ 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 ] : none :)

[ 𝗳𝗲𝗮𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 ] : kaminari denki // bakugo katsuki // sero hanta

𝐤𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐢 𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐤𝐢

ah yes, the bakusquad's resident pretty boy

he would definitely be the most obvious about his crush

two words: shitty flirting

horrible pick-up lines and just overall bad flirting

he pulls through sometimes though ( with sero's advice ) and his ego inflates through the roof if he can get you flustered and blushing

but if you give him the same energy, he will immediately combust

all function out the window

congratulations, you broke denki

none of your possessions are safe when denki is within the vicinity

shirts, hoodies, skirts, hats, jewelry, hair accessories

if he can grab it, he will have it

he has worn / stolen everything in your closet at least once, if not it is most definitely his goal

it does not matter if he fits it or not, he will make it work

he has no shame

but one time he stretched out one of your favorite skirts and it tore a bit and he felt soooo bad

"it not my fault i have a fat ass, y/n"

but he brought you to the mall on a date with him to get a new one, so it's all works out ;)

denki honestly just lives to make you laugh

every time he's the reason you're laughing, it makes his chest puff up so big

DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON MF TICKLING

if you two are close, he will without a doubt start a mock wrestling match and it always turns into a tickling fit with you pinned underneath him and wailing

but do NOT under any circumstances tickle him

he with shriek like a girl and accidentally activate his quirk

you nearly died

HE FELT BAD FOR THAT TOO

he's also just so infatuated with like- everything you do????

it doesn't matter how mundane you think it might be, as long as you're doing it, denki is so enthralled watching whatever it is you're doing

it's rather endearing

in all honesty, he'd probably blurt out he likes you outta no where while in the middle of a convo

he lights up every time your name is so much as mentioned

or- or

he'd be day dreaming, completely lost in his own world and someone would come up to him and ask him what he's thinking ab cus he looks basically dead to the world

still in a daze from being abruptly brought back to reality he'd just dreamily sigh, "y/n~" without even realizing

mans was SO embarrassed afterwards

face was beet red

*frantically looks around to see if you heard him or not*

----------------------------------------

bonus: love languages!!

physical touch // giving

words of affirmation // receiving

----------------------------------------

��𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐠𝐨 𝐤𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐢

he's so emotionally constipated

that's not to say we wouldn't know he'd have feelings for you

he's actually pretty emotionally intelligent, and would be very perceptive of your emotions contrary to popular belief, he's just oblivious to his own feelings and emotions

he'd just ignore them

try his best to ignore you

key word try

but he always gives in and he'd make up dumb reasons to come bother you like-

he'd barge into your dorm while you're studying and he'd be like

"y/n i need a pen,"

"oh? uh ok, here you can have this one," you hand him a pen that you happened to have tucked behind your ear

"no not that one,"

...????

"can't you go to momo and ask her to make the pen you want..?"

bakugo starts to get grumpy at this point lmao

"no, she doesn't know how to make it,"

"well, what pen do you want..??"

bakugo hesitates cus he doesn't wanna admit that he doesn't actually want a pen, he wants to be with you

"that one," he lamely points at a beat up tinkerbell pen that you've had since you were like twelve

"really?? out of all the pens you choose that one?"

"shut up and just get it"

"... you can grab it,"

he goes and grabs it and goes to walk out the door without a word and right before he leaves he leans back and looks at you

"i need a pencil"

"OH MY GOD BAKUGO"

he kept the tinkerbell pen btw

like denki, bakugo would steal things from your dorm and not just anything, things that are actually inconvenient to misplace

he'd take your bobby pin container or your favorite brush so you'd come to him to ask where it went, he'd give it back ofc but not without a fight

he'd act totally clueless and he'd wait till you actually start to get pissed to tell you where he actually put your thing

so back to how he'd actually be very aware of your emotions

he'd notice the smallest changes and can always tell when you're upset but he wouldn't exactly know how to help you

so instead of using words, he'd use actions

you had a really bad day and he walked you to your dorm and when he came in he's like

"shit, your dorm is a fucking disaster, how do you live like this," you scowl at bakugo cus like- wtf i'm rlly emotional here you're not helping

he scoffs and bends down to start picking up your shit

"seriously, i have no idea how you find anything in here, nothing is organized" and he'd just keeps grumbling like an old man while completely cleaning and reorganizing your room

dont you dare try and help him though, he will yell at you

-----------------------------------------

bonus: love languages!!

acts of service // giving

quality time // receiving

-----------------------------------------

𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐚

I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE

sero SCREAMS besfriends to lovers troupe

like- you two are already practically dating without even realizing it

the romantic tension

you guys banter and flirt with eachother so often, you both have no idea whether you're serious when you jokingly call the other sexy or not

the oblivious idiots troupe

sero makes everything a competition

not nearly to extent as bakugo would, but still goes a bit over the top

he'd use anything as an excuse to show off for you

one time, like the spiderman fanboy he is, he challenged you to see who can hang upside down the longest without passing out ( literally the stupidest idea, sero, you're going to loose braincells )

sero won, obviously and he takes full advantage of bragging rights

everyone says how denki's the flirt and whatever but NO

sero is the biggest mf flirt and denki got his game from him

so with that being said, you are not safe

HE IS A BULLY

he respects boundaries of course but that doesn't mean he's not gonna try and test his limits a bit and mess with you

he's always trying to get you flustered

god forbid you're shorter than him because he will tease the shit outta you for it

when you two train together, mf goes on overdrive ESPECIALLY if you two happen to be sparring together

he'd hover over you and lean his face in ever so slightly while your talking to him just to get a rise outta you

TILT YOUR HEAD UP WITH ONE FINGER

"could you repeat that? i'm having a hard time hearing,"

SHEEEEEEEE

but you also make fun of him for being tall, so it checks out

whenever he says some slick shit you're just like-

"I'm sorry, what? That's funny coming from someone who's above the national average height. you're disgusting, tall man; shrink perhaps" ( if anyone knows what tiktok audio i'm referencing, i'm in love with you )

hope you have your casket ready because sero's gonna slaughter your ass for that shit

ok but one time while you two were partnered up for hero training, you got on his nerves and he tied you up and left you hanging and the mf just left

maaaan were you livid

15 minutes

15 minutes you were left up there while sero was doing god knows what

you gave him the silent treatment for the rest of the day and sero was genuinely distressed cus he didn't mean to make you so mad

but lucky for him, he always knows how to get you to smile no matter how sad or are or how angry you are with him

he shoots you a piece of tape with his handwriting on it

he made up some stupid, horribly written poem asking for your forgiveness and he's just looking at you the entire time you're reading it with an exaggerated pout

how can you say mad at him?

on the topic of him sending you notes on his tape

he'd totally leave pieces of his tape in really obscure places in your dorm or even under your desk

they'd be really stupid messages too like-

"you stink"

or a really random inside joke you two have that makes literally no sense but even just the thought of it makes you laugh to tears

he'd also leave little origami figures he made with his tape in random places for you to find too

or he'd just give them to you

you have a shelf specifically dedicated for the things sero has made for you ( and he's really touched you actually keep all his shitty arts and crafts projects )

in conclusion, sero is the best and he is my favorite and i'd die for him

-----------------------------------------

bonus: love languages!!

gift giving // giving

physical touch // giving and recieving

-----------------------------------------

If you guys want, i can elaborate on their love languages in another post! <3

𝒇𝒊𝒏 . ✩

[alirhi]

10 Sebastian roles as boyfriends

Because... I'm bored and I feel like it. 😂 Probably some spoilers for, like... everything? So yeah... That.

Putting it under here for easy scrolling:

10: Chase Collins

Who doesn't love a goofball? In the first half of the movie, Chase is basically perfect. He's sweet, funny, not all caught up in his ego, and actually pays attention to what the girls around him are saying, not just to what he wants to hear. If not for the whole... it was all an act to get close to Caleb and try to steal his magic thing, Chase would actually be a damn good high school boyfriend. He's adorable and would be a fun date, but he's also only 18 so best not to start making long-term plans lol. Also, y'know... the whole psycho revenge/power grab thing.

9 Jack Benjamin

Y'all. Y'all. Words cannot describe how much I love Jack. Pretty sure I've made this clear. As a person/character in general, he's absolutely in my Top 3 - not just of Sebastian's characters, but any character ever. ❤ But as a boyfriend? Boy's got baggage. It's what makes me so protective of him, but seeing as how he's trapped in the closet thanks to his overbearing homophobic family and the insane expectations heaped on him, as the show left him, he can't handle an honest relationship. He's too easily influenced by all the wrong people, poor babe.

8 Chris (Destroyer)

On paper, undercover cop sounds cool and exciting, but even if you ignore the fact that he, y'know, dies... Chris got in too deep and kinda lost the mission, so to speak. Best case scenario, you're his sexy partner and in on it all with him and end up on the lam for the rest of your lives. Worst case, this man lies for a living, so can you even trust him? And... yeah. The whole dead thing. Chris is hot af but getting involved with him is a recipe for disaster.

7 Ben

Min and Hathor have mercy, I love Ben! He's smart, he's snarky, he's caring and loyal... he's an absolute disaster. He's another one who seems allergic to honesty, until his lying and avoiding nearly kill his girlfriend. Not exactly relationship goals lol. Everything before totally was, though! Ben's adorable, and I love how he stayed up all night to protect his girlfriend (from a ghost/demon thing... with a baseball bat. I said he was smart, not perfect, okay? XD points for effort lol)

6 Mickey Henry

I. LOVE. MICKEY. Oml I love Mickey. He's a spazz and - even more so than Ben - an absolute disaster of a human being, but I love him. Pros for dating Mickey Henry: he's fun, he's carefree, he'll cook for you even though he's kinda bad at it lol, he loves his son and wants to be a good dad, he wants his partner to be happy and to love life as much as he does. Cons, and the reason he's not higher on the list: He's a pushover; easily influenced by the toxic people in his life, and it gets him into a lot of trouble. Being easily influenced by toxic dumpster fire of a human being Chloe almost lost him the partial custody of his son that he barely even had. He's an absolute sweetheart, but he's a complete man-child, and dating him would often feel more like raising him.

5 Frank "Suffer Buddy"

Come on! You know he and Mickey had to be back-to-back - they're practically the same character! 😂 Frank is Mickey... slightly more grown up. He's still a disaster, but he's respectful of boundaries, he's caring, he's funny in a dry, witty way that I just adore, and hoo lordy that man is a giver! 🥴🥵 Honestly, if he didn't smoke and didn't ditch Daphne in the middle of a party hours away from everything familiar to her surrounded by strangers to go do drugs, I'd call Frank perfect. He listened, he respected her wishes, he tried to keep some distance between them when he found out she'd gone on a date with his best friend (it failed utterly and brought us to the "damn that man's good with his mouth" portion of the movie lmao but still)... I don't have a whole lot of experience with men who actually give a shit, okay? So Frank is like a goddamn unicorn to me lmao. But that drug thing... That keeps him at the bottom of the Top 5 for me. Sorry, bb

4 Bucky

I can already hear everyone on here raging at me for placing Bucky so low on this list, but hear me out: I love this man. I love all four iterations of this man. Flirty 40s Bucky was a doll (fun date, not commitment material). Post-POW camp 40s Bucky had a fire to him that set me on fire. The Winter Soldier can choke me any damn day. Unf. And TFATWS Bucky... Oh, lady above, 2023 Bucky is a gem! He's sweet, snarky, and broken. He feels utterly, wretchedly alone in the world, and everyone around him, including his only friend, is telling him to "man up" and "make amends" for shit that was never his fault to begin with, rather than helping him come to terms with all that he's suffered and all that he's survived. Bucky needs and deserves love. A relationship with him would be so solid, if he found the right person... But it would take a fuck ton of work. He needs someone strong, patient, and more stubborn than he is to prod him until he finds a better therapist and actually opens up, and to keep him on track because even good therapy comes with homework. He does have to "do the work," Sam was right about that much, but he was way off base with what that "work" is. Bucky needs help and understanding, and he would be an amazing boyfriend... if he found someone with the strength to help him weather his nightmares and flashbacks, and help pull him out of this PTSD pit he's been in since 1943.

3 Chris Beck

Big brains turn me on, okay? 😂This man is an astronaut and a surgeon! Yes, please! Come here, you sexy genius! He's smart, he's funny - pretty sure Sebastian is incapable of playing anyone who's not delightfully snarky lol. He's pragmatic when he needs to be but there's also nothing he wouldn't do or risk for the ones he loves. This man is husband material and I cannot be convinced otherwise! So why isn't he #1? Cuz of the whole... spending years in space, thing. Super cool job and I'd be his biggest fan on the ground, but god damn, I would miss him while he's away!

2 TJ Hammond

Look, I'm gender fluid and he's a little bit bi 😂😂😂 Let me have my fantasy, okay? TJ's definitely got a lot of shit to work through, but love brings out the best in him. Before that fucking closeted shitbag broke his heart and stomped on it for good measure, TJ was clean and sober for months, he was happy, he was playing piano again, he was pulling himself together. Not only would he be an amazing boyfriend, but his partner would get the extra joy of getting to watch their love and devotion to him be the thing that saves this beautiful man's life. It's not healthy overall to tie your self worth and will to live to a relationship, but if he found the right person who would be there for him through all of life's shit and stick it out, I think he'd be okay. Even after his lowest point and without the support of his family, TJ still had a dream and he still chased it. He's not just the sweetest person to ever grace our screens, but he's ambitious and business-savvy, too. Keep him off drugs and watch this man take over the world, I'm telling you!

So why is TJ only #2? Well, besides the fact that he's like 99% gay and I have no bits he'd be interested in lmao, there's also the fact that this guy owns my heart:

1 Will Franklyn

And not just because we get to see him wet and mostly naked lol. Will is fucking perfect. I would die for this man... because he's already shown that he would die for his love. He almost fucking did, and they weren't even together yet! He's smart and very aware, he's a writer so we'd get to bond/geek out over books together, he's not all full of himself (self-deprecating humor ftw!) and he's willing to help a total stranger despite actual mortal peril, just because it's the right thing to do. Fierce, intelligent, sassy, strong-willed, and a flawless moral compass? YESYESYESYESYES! Forget boyfriend - let me MARRY this man! 😍🥰

[slvtbible]

G O L D

chapter one

summary: [y/n is a young stripper who is adored by many men. harry styles is a man who loves to carry danger with him]

word count: 4222

pairing: stripper!y/n and gangleader!harry

warnings: violence, vulgar language, sexual acts, alcohol and drug

to be honest, i was a little hesitant to post it here and i don’t know if this story will blow up on tumblr or get many notes but that’s the last thing on my mind right now. i just want to share what i’ve been working on that kept you guys waiting for almost a year lol sorry about that. But yes, she’s finally here!! I posted first on wattpad before i put it here, I felt like the only way to reach out more people to read it it’s through that. And also, i decided to use a name on wattpad but I’d use the term ‘y/n’ on tumblr. Enjoy it all my loves! Give me feedbacks!💜

*

*

Harry fixes the collar of his sheer black shirt before tucking it neatly inside the black trousers he's currently wearing. He normally goes something more extravagant for going out. His closet is filled with colourful ruffles and Hawaiian shirts along with 'more than one colour' suits. However tonight, he needs to lay low for a bit. Especially when he's about to step into one of the most famous strip clubs in New York in an hour to meet up with the manager.

He's very much aware of the reputation he has put on himself out there. Though there's no use of camouflage and hiding, he still doesn't want a cause a scene,

Yet.

His hand lifts a bottle of Tom Ford from the dresser before spraying it twice on his neck. Stepping away from the full length mirror, he grabs his cross necklace from the bed before putting the accessory around his neck as he walks out of the room.

"Talk to me Reece" his heavy accent echoes the hallway as he walks downstairs, watching his few men pocketing their weapons,

Reece, the brown skinned man with tattoos nods. "He's there. Just got a word from Bianco. He appears isn't expecting you, Boss. However I do believe he knows you're coming soon. The club is far too crowded than usual but Bianco is taking care of that right now." He informs, showing him the message on the phone,

Harry can only scoff, nodding at him as a thank you. "That son of a bitch should've. Owes me more than fucking money." He mutters, inserting the .45 ACP inside his gun holster. "The car's ready?"

Nodding, Reece leads Harry down towards the basement. "As requested. Lamborghini Murcielago in blue hera. Pack with 640 PS and 471 kW, rules around 213 mph if you consider on hit and run. Still, I pack a standard Aeropack wing if you wanna go slow tonight. The windows? Bulletproof. In case anyone tries to kill you." Harry knows he's only joking about the last part. No one dares try to kill him before he does it. It's a pattern that everyone knows by now.

Harry lets out a low whistle, softly shaking his head as the machine beauty appears. Tracing lightly with his ring cladded fingers along the hood of the car. "Not planning to hit and run tonight, Reece. Not even thinking about racing down the street with my weapon outside the window. You don't have anything more. . . Less attractive?" He questions, still staring at the gorgeous car ahead of him,

"You know I don't do less, boss." Reece winks playfully, laughing to himself as he watches Harry roll his eyes. "Besides. Who knows you'll get yourself a bird tonight, eh? Take her out on a stroll before bringing her home to your place. Women love fast cars." He comments, pressing the button on the keys as the door opens,

Humming as a response, Harry walks towards the driver's seat, "I don't date anymore, thought my right hand man knew tha' " He speaks, words laced with seriousness while grabbing the keys from Reece's fingers,

He can only sigh and nod his head. "Understood. Yet, Kendra is like what? Two years ago? Gotta get yourself something better, boss. You deserve it. So do it tonight." He suggests, watching him going inside the car before shutting the door,

Harry smiles a bit, inserting the keys inside the ignition before starting the car. "Noted."

The dark haired man steps away from the car. Giving Harry a salute. "I'll be right behind you. See you there."

*

*

*

Y/N Y/L/N stands in front of the mirror as she applies another layer of red lipstick on her plump lips. Securing the tube back as she puckers her mouth to see if it fits the colour for tonight. She twirls, watching carefully how the gold lingerie clads perfectly around her breasts and down to her curvy hips and thick thighs.

She stops once her plump ass is facing the mirror, admiring how beautiful and big her bum is in the lingerie. It's a compliment really. She loves working out to give her bum a bit bigger. It's not that she hopes she'll gain attention from people, she just loves her body. She worships every piece of it despite what other people think of it. Insecurity was her biggest enemy but not anymore. After reading lots of books and poems about self love she learns that there's nothing she should be ashamed of.

Grabbing a bottle of lotion from her table, she squeezes the bottle into her hand before rubbing her bum with the cold cream, rubbing it neatly to make sure she doesn't miss a spot.

Another thing, she loves moisturizing her plump flesh before the show. It's sexy

"Joe is asking for you." She hears a voice coming from behind, craning her neck to see her closest co-worker Violet, already in her usual purple wig and attire as she stands beside Angelina. "I love working as a stripper but he really needs to learn to be patient and. . . shut up, i guess?"

Y/N releases a small laugh, moving her long dark wavy hair to rest on her chest. "I know, I know. Jesus, I've told him fifteen minutes prior that I'll take longer than usual." She slips on her gold heels and turns to face Violet, who's biting her lip as she stares at Angelina's body up and down. "Okay, how do i look?"

Violet raises her eyebrow, as if it's something her friend shouldn't be asking. "You kidding? You look like a sex goddess. Gonna get all the men on their knees for you, girl"

Scoffing, she shoots her a wink and a flirtatious smile. "Old men with beer bellies? No thanks. I'd rather make out with Gordon." She replies, seemingly disgusted about the thought of grinding on an old man's lap tonight.

"Is that a bet I hear?" Violet questions, leaning towards her a bit as she waits for her friend’s response. "Please tell me that it is so I can earn extra cash tonight."

Gordon is a perverted bartender that always keeps his eye on Y/N throughout her routine. He's 40 and is always asking Angelina on a 'date' and by date, he means her ass on his lap. Clearly something Y/N isn't too fond of. Him specifically. Violet and Y/N have always made a joke about him, something they could make a playful banter in every chance they get.

Plus, she heard he's married. Isn't he supposed to find another job rather than here? If his wife found out what kind of a sleaze bag she married, she would be crushed,

Rolling her eyes, Y/N shoves her playfully by the arm. "Ha ha, very funny" she answers, resuming to untangle her hair from knots.

Violet laughs, pinching her on the hip as she lets outa small squeal. "Just messing with you, baby. Good luck out there. Put the rest of us to shame tonight. . . Like any other night"

Y/N flips her off, yet knowing it's the truth. She's not trying to sound like a condescending bitch here but none of the girls here are actually capable to do what Y/N does. That's what makes men attracted to her. She knows what she's doing. She knows how to make a man hard.

"By the way, you heard what Joe's talking about earlier?" Violet asks, toeing off her heels as she exhales a relief sigh. "Damn those heels are killing me" She mumbles,

"No... What's about?" She turns her head to face Violet for her to explain, causing her to shrug her shoulders,

"Don't know much about it. . . But i hear Harry Styles is coming here to meet up with him. Something about transaction or shit" She waves it off, whispering it to Y/N, looking around to make sure no one is eavesdropping,

She almost chokes on her saliva after hearing Violet says the name. "Harry Styles?! The. . . mafia boss of New York..?" Her eyes widen at the possibility of the most dangerous man in the city paying a visit to the place she works at,

Nodding, Violet answers, "Yup. That Harry Styles. He's the devil. Let's hope this place doesn't turn into a war zone."

Y/N has heard about this Harry guy. The most feared man of New York. She does know a little bit of the relations between Joe and Mr. Styles. Almost every night she could hear Joe freaking out about this man. She may not know him that close, hell she had never even met him in person but people talk. One thing she learned about hearing his reputation, you don't ever want to mess with this guy.

Violet snaps her fingers to snap Y/N out of her thoughts. "Less worrying, girl. Come on, you got a show to put on yes?"

"Y-yeah. Fuck. . . now i'm scared" She breathes out, looking at her reflection in the mirror one last time. Calming down her mind.

After giving Violet a kiss on a cheek and receiving a tap on her ass, she takes a deep breath as she opens the beaded curtain and walk out to the club. Jhene Aiko is playing through the speakers, thanks to her who chose the music for tonight. She can already feel all eyes on her as she struts down confidently, putting on a smirk and winking at couple of men here and there. As much as it disgusts her, she grazes her hand along a man's arm who's biting his lip and looking at her up and down.

'What the fuck did i do to deserve this?' she thinks to herself, staring at the man in front of her who's probably the same age as her father. The thought of it makes her gag,

She gives the man a wink before getting up on the stage, hearing a few hollers from behind. reaching out to wrap her hand around the silver pole and her leg hooking up to support her body. Slowly twirling with her head thrown back and closes her eyes with money being toss at her direction before letting go and crutching down on her knees, moving close towards the same man earlier. He slips in a couple of hundred dollar bills inside her panties, causing the others to do the same.

This may be not how she pictures her success but damn, by the end of the week, her bank account can go from three to six digits.

She's definitely gonna hold on to that,

*

*

*

It takes Harry close to thirty minutes to get here. He blames it all on the traffic, cursing to himself every time he stops at red lights. He parks his car close to the entry before he exits from the vehicle. He looks over his shoulder to find a familiar black car driving towards her, noting to himself it's Reece's. Seeing him wave his hand to make sure he's coming in later.

He clears his throat, clenching his jaw as he walks into the club. Reece wasn't lying, the club is too packed for tonight. As if God knew what is about to get down tonight and isn't going to let him get away with witnesses. He really needs to play safe for a while tonight.

As he strides through the room to find a table he has reserved for, a few half naked girls walk right pass him, stroking his exposed chest and grabbing his shoulders. Most of them are gorgeous and he's tempted to touch their soft skin yet he has to hold it. Not that he isn't interested because he's definitely taking someone back to his place tonight--fucking Reece had to be right-- but he needs to get his head in the game for at least an hour before planning to do so.

Gently, he pulls back a chair for him to sit. He specifically asks for the furthest table so no one can figure out what he's about to do tonight. A glass of whiskey has been set on his table before he got here, waiting for Joe's arrival. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Reece and Bianco walking over to his table. One of them gives him a nod to acknowledge his presence.

Harry lifts the glass up to his lips and take a sip of it. Honestly, he hates doing all of this dirty work. Sure, he's the boss. But he despises complicated things. He should've known not to trust Joe about anything, yet when he begged on his knees with a gun knocked against his head as he spat out a bunch of threats to the weakened man, he thought why not? If Joe didn't get to fulfill his demands, he gets to kill him either way. It's always a pleasure for him to do so.

"Mr. Styles! Ay, i'm so happy to see you. You look a lot cleaner than i saw you the last time, eh?" Joe's voice causes Harry's green eyes averts from the scene on the crowd. His eyebrows are knitted, jaw tightened as he taps his fingers against the table, causing the rings he's wearing to knock.

He owes him money worth $50,000. And this man had the nerve to walk in and act like nothing happened.

He is definitely going to kill him.

"Stop with all that shit and sit the fuck down. You owe me something Joe." Harry warns, pointing at him as Harry's men forces the dark haired male to sit down making him gulp. "You owe me 50 grand for that package you piece of shit."

Joe couldn't feel more terrified as he catches a glimpse of Harry's gun on the table, facing towards him. "I know Harry, I know. I didn't forget, okay? It's just the money is tight right now. The girls aren't getting the amount of money they used to be getting." Joe tries to reason but Harry isn't having any of it,

"Stop being a fucking pussy and blame your girls for the money you've lost. I'm running out of patience here, Joe. If you don't give me the money by the end of the week, you're a dead man. I still have one body bag left in my car and I wouldn't mind writing your name on it." Harry grits his teeth, looking at him with a dark look in his eyes. Hand gripping tightly around the glass

"No man, I need more than that. Please, I'll do whatever you ask me to. You will have your money man I promised." Joe begs, looking at Harry with hopeful eyes.

Harry finds it quite disgusting to see someone like him beg for mercy-- for the second time--or anything at all to be honest. He find that gesture is weak and vulnerable which makes him very easy to manipulate over. "I don't give out second chances."

Joe hears a gun clicks behind, he doesn't need to know what's going on. He knows one of the two men behind him is ready to blow his brains out. "Harry man. . . One more. . . Give me one more"

Harry isn't a patient man. He doesn't want people beg. He doesn't want him to beg. But he finds it interesting to see how it goes, playing along this little game of his.

"Fine. you give me your best girl and i'll give you two months." Harry offers, cocking his eyebrow as he leans back to relax himself. "No more than that."

Joe's eyes widen at Harry's demand. It's impossible to collect a 50 grand in two months, especially when he's short on it. He needs more than that. Still, he thinks two months is better than nothing. "Okay. . . Agreed. Just tell me which girl you want or-or i could bring one or two here, man. Take your pick."

Harry can only hum in response, scanning his eyes over the scene. Dozens of girls dancing on stage, few of them even has their bras taken off. It seems to him, none of these girls on the room is his type.

Until his green eyes fall on a certain slightly curvy woman with her leg wrapped around the pole.

Her long dark hair brushing lightly against the floor as she bend her back a bit. He observes the way her body move so dirty yet gracefully around the pole,  the way she bites onto her pink glossed lips and how her brown eyes manage to flirt with the crowd and had them lure into her eyes including himself. He swears this girl just steps out of his daydreams. She looks perfect.

He admires how she circle her hips painfully slow, jealous how he isn't close enough to watch her plump flesh near his strong figure.

"Her. I want her" Harry points at the girl he can't take his eyes off. His voice sounds too possessive but he doesn't care if he does. He's too enhanced with the way she moves on that stage and he loves how she swats those dirty hands who seems desperate to cope a feel with a dirty look on her face.

'Seems like a fighter' he thinks to himself

"Y/N? You want her?" Joe asks after he realises who Harry's pointing at.

"Y/N? That's a gorgeous name. She's not taken is she? Not that i care anyway. She's a dime from what i can see here." He says, not tearing his eyes off of her while he sips on his drink. "You're gonna give me her to me aren't you?" Harry asks, his eyes are threatening enough for Joe so he nods his head as a response.

"Yes. Of course. If that's what you want."

"Fuck yes i do. Bring me to one of your rooms. I want a private from her" He demands before gulping down his drink, standing up to head over to the back. Not before glancing at the gorgeous woman one last time who stuffs a few dollar bills in her panties.

*

*

After what it feels like forever dancing on stage and have men whistling at her to go over and give them more, she finally sit herself down on a chair in her dressing room and take a deep breath. Moaning in relief as she pulls her heels off while setting her timer on because she only has thirty minutes to rest before going back out there again. She leans back against the chair, sighing in a pure bliss.

She can hear a few girls talking and laughing while preparing themselves for their performance tonight, wishing she could just join in because Violet informs her earlier there's some juicy gossip she needs to talk about but she cant take it. She's too tired.

She has only closes her eyes for 10 minutes until a familiar voice speaks out,

"Where's Y/N?"

She groans internally. Can never mistake that voice soon as she hears it. Her manager, who sounds like he's panting, voice firm as if is an emergency to call her out like that. Y/N still has her eyes shut as she raises her hand up, not having the energy to respond.

"Okay, good. Y/N. You don't need to go back out there again. There's a special guest I need you to entertain. He's already waiting in the red room."

She nods and hum, only to realize what he means as her eyes bugs out.

Wait, what?

She's quick to turn around, brows furrows and mouth hangs open, not believing what she has just heard. "Pardon?"

"There's a man. A guy who I work with, waiting in one of the rooms. He specifically asked for you. I need you to at least give him an hour." Joe notifies, running his hand over his face as if he's stressed about something,

"You want me to give a lap dance to your co-worker?" She raises her eyebrow, not believing what he just asked her

Joe sighs angrily, "it's technically not--Y/N... please. No more questions, just go over there."

"Who's the guy?" she ignores his orders as she stands, crossing her arms across her chest. "Jesus, fuck. I really need my hair to breath" she mutters, brushing down her long dark brown hair,

"Harry Styles."

Y/N freezes in an instant. Looking up to stare at Joe in the eye to see if he's joking, he can only nod his head to confirm her questioning look. " you're shitting me."

"I'm not," Joe replies, walking over to her, not wanting the other girls to hear. "Y/N, I owe him money. I haven't got them yet and--"

She scoffs, rolling her eyes and continue messing with her hair a bit more. "Not my problem."

He reaches out to grab her elbow, pulling her harshly causing her to stumble a bit. "Y/N, please... He wanted to kill me out there earlier. The guy brought a gun for God's sake. He gave me a month but until then... he wants you."

"You know i'm not a hooker" Y/N defeatedly sighs. She wants to help him, she does but it sounds like he's selling her off for a month to this notorious and dangerous guy who is named to be the deadliest man alive by the people of New York.

She loves money but no fucking way she's willing to die for it.

"I didn't say you were" He roughly says, hand gripping tightly on her arm. "Just... do it" He let her go, tired of the waiting because he doesn't want to make Harry pissed off now,

The girl sighs angrily, squeezing her eyes shut as she hesitates for a while. What the fuck did she get herself into?

"Fine. just give me a moment."

Giving her a smile, Joe thanks her by giving her a kiss on the cheek, telling her the door number Harry is in before walking out of the room. Soon after he walks out, she feels sick in her stomach. How could she ever go face to face with a man with blood in his hands? She's about to give this man a lap dance. Who knew he might've ask for more?

So now, as she finishes re-applying a layer of red lipstick, she heads out. Walking to the back of the room in a slow pace. Heart beating loud and fast as she's about to come face to face with this man. Still, she needs to play it cool. God really fucking hates her,

If he really does exists.

She takes a deep breath before opening the brown door carefully, pushing it open. Her knees almost buckle at the sight of Harry Styles, lounging on the leather couch. A cigarette squeeze between his fingers. legs spread open as if it's an invitation already made for her. His head turns towards the door, a smirk graces upon his face.

She's not going to lie. He is indeed dashingly handsome. With his arms resting on the back of the couch making his biceps look a bit bigger. He's got killer looks too. she studies. Sexy smile, and stubble which creates a sexier look on his face. She catches a glimpse of a silver cross necklace resting against his broad chest. His eyes are sharp. Looking at her up and down with his bottom lip bitten between his teeth.

"My, my" he lowly whistles, watching her every move as she enters the room. Locking the door behind her. "I wasn't wrong. You are a fucking dime."

Y/N giggles-- though feeling scared shitless-- and run her hands over her hair as she struts her way towards his figure. Purposely swaying her ass side to side a bit to tease him. "Mr.Harry Styles. . . I heard a lot about you. Word on the street is that you're a man that likes to carry a danger" she smirks seductively as she stands in between his open legs, dragging her finger slowly down her chest.

Her angelic voice is like music to his ears,

"Yeah?" he smirks, eyes falling to the curve of her breasts. "Hope that doesn't scare you, doll. All i want is a dance from you, that's all. I also heard that you are their favourite girl. After seeing you danced on that stage, I now know why."

Again, she giggles. A small blush creeping on her cheeks, hopefully he doesn't see it. "You're a flirt aren't you, Harry? You do this to every girl?"

He places his hands slowly on her plump ass, he doesn't know if he's allowed to touch but he doesn't give a shit. She seems isn't bothered by it. He wants this girl and he wants her now.

"Only to those who i find interesting, baby. Now, are you going to show me what you got?" He asks, looking up to meet her brown eyes as he squeezes her flesh.

With a devilish smirk, she slowly sets herself down on his lap which causes him to let out a soft groan. She runs her hands down to his tattooed chest and toys with his cross necklace for a bit before whispering in his ear, "sit tight and relax, Mr. Styles. I'll be your good girl for tonight"

next chapter

*

i really don’t want to write a super long chapter, because i’m afraid it’ll bore you guys so maybe--i hope-- this is enough. anyway, i hope you guys enjoy this first chapter, let me know if you guys hate it or love it! I’ll appreciate it. love you guys!

[angelsswirl]

Icarus

Summary: You were never supposed to fall in love with your best friend.

Or

If you should fall

From your pink sky

Just know you'll fall into my arms, every single night

Icarus babe

Requested: Yes

Word Count: idk, a decent amount?

Title Song: Icarus by Max Lawrence

Rating: Mature, but the smut wont be graphic because I don't think that fits what I've written here. It's more implied than anything

Notes: I hope you enjoy it!

...................

You were never supposed to fall in love with your best friend. You weren't. You knew this as fact.

And that isn't to say, it never happened for other people. That it never worked out. No. You just knew that it wouldn't work out for you. Things like that rarely did.

You had prayed, and wished, and hoped that this would all work out. But all of your pleas had fallen on deaf ears. And you couldn't say you were surprised.

Park Chaeyoung was your best friend.

She knew that. You didn't have to tell her.

She was the person you told everything to. The person you did everything with. The person you lived for.

Park Chaeyoung was the love of your life.

She did not know that. You weren't going to tell her.

She was the person you dreamed about at night. She was the person you fantasized about in the day. She was the person you breathed for.

But.

She would never know. Because you would never tell her. Living in your truth by yourself seemed a much better option then speaking your truth and being denied of it.

You're not afraid to admit you're not very strong when it comes to love. But you are afraid to admit that for her, you would try to be.

~•~

"Watching you two together makes me sad." Jennie said out of nowhere.

You frowned at her. Rosé had run off to God knows where minutes prior, leaving just you and Jennie standing in the corner of someone else's livingroom during a house party.

It gross and sticky and hot and most definitely not your scene, but Rosé had practically begged you to come along, and return you had practically begged Jennie to be your buffer. And maybe even your sober coach as well.

You didn't trust yourself, alone with Rosé and alcohol in your system.

"What are you talking about?" You and Jennie are standing close enough to each other that you don't have to shout of the pumping bass of som Top 40 song, but you definitely can't whisper either.

Jennie rolled her eyes. She was bored. She really only tagged along to be a good friend. This wasn't her scene either. That was one of the reasons you two got along so well. You both hated and loved the same things.

Sometimes, you think if maybe Jennie wasn't straighter than a steel beam, then maybe she'd be the best friend that you'd have fallen in love with.

But that wasn't what the cards said for you.

"You and Chae. It's like watching those 'arms of the angels' or whatever commercials. You know with the hurt, homeless puppies?"

It was your turn to roll your eyes, "Well, I'm sorry I can't serve to be your entertainment 24/7."

"Oh, I didn't say this wasn't entertaining. It's just also sad. Like, what's the hold up, just grab her face and kiss her."

"I'm sure to her it would be like if I just grabbed your face and kissed you."

"No, that would imply she's straight and not head over ass in love with you. Both of which, I know not to he true for her in the slightest."

"She's not in love with me, Jennie."

"And I'm not sweating through my clothes right now." She replied sarcastically.

You only shook your head and took another sip of your lukewarm beer.

"Riddle me this, Y/N. If Chaeyoung isn't in love with you then why does she look at you like she would stop breathing if you were ever out of her sight? If Chaeyoung isn't in love with you then why does she treat you like you'll melt away? If Chaeyoung isn't love with you then why are you the only thing she talks about when you're not around?"

You shook your head profusely, "Chaeyoung is like that with everyone. She's sweet and nice and flirty with everyone. And that's exactly why it's time for me to finally get over her."

Jennie nodded along silently. You got the feeling she was only pretending to agree with you.

"Ok, well then, you know what the first step to getting over someone is. Get under someone else. How about the girl over there? She's been staring at you since we got here." Jennie pointed to a tall, admittedly beautiful woman across the room from you. She wasn't looking at you at the moment, but you had noticed her staring earlier as well.

Despite all of what you just said, you'd sooner rather die than get over Rosé but you were stubborn and needed to prove a point to Jennie.

"Hold my beer." Jennie did so with a curious smirk on her face.

You walked your way over to the woman, dodging elbows and sloshing drinks. She saw you coming, a soft smile engulfing her lips.

"Hi." She said some what softly.

"Hey."

"Not to be creepy or anything, but I noticed you when you walked in, and I sort of couldn't help myself but to stare at you all night. You're beautiful, "She paused, "My name is Lisa, by the way."

"I-it's not creepy. I'm Y/N....want to dance?"

"I loved to."

You grabbed Lisa's hand and all but dragged her onto the dancefloor. This must have been where the drunkenness set in. You turn around on your own accord, pressing your back into Lisa's front. Swaying your hips to the pounding in your ears, because you definitely cannot hear the music anymore.

~•~

"Where's, Y/N?" Rosé asked Jennie as she met her. She handed her the water she had picked up for the three of them.

Jennie pointed in your direction with a hum.

Rosè watched silently as you grinded on the stranger.

"I was gone for 5 minutes..."

"You snooze, you lose, I guess." Jennie felt bad for acting so cavalier, but at this point, the only way to get you what you wanted was to be completely honest.

Rosé didn't exactly know what to think of that. Or rather it was hard for her to think anything when you were dancing seductively with someone pointedly not her.

The emotions that come with it are hard to pick through as well. Hurt, anger, jealousy, and maybe she's even a bit turned on because she finds you immensely sexy.

Whatever the case may be, she decided that she can't sit around and just watch. No that would hurt too much. She's gotta stop this. She's gotta fix this.

~•~

Chaeyoung was never supposed to fall in love with her best friend. At least she doesn't think she was supposed to. There's no real way to be sure.

And that isn't to say that she's not sure if she loves you. She's 100% sure about that. It's to say that, how is she supposed to know if you love her back.

She had prayed and wished and hoped that you would see the signs that absolutely poured out of her whenever you were near. But, all of her pleas had fallen on deaf ears. And she couldn't say she was surprised.

You were her best friend.

You knew that. She didn't have to tell you.

You were the person she confided in. The person who knew her deepest, darkest secrets. The person she breathed every breath for.

You were the love of her life.

You didn't know that. She had been trying to tell you.

You were the person she gave herself pep talks in the mirror for. The person she put on her most expensive outfits for. The person she would live a thousand lives for.

But.

You were oblivious. Sometimes, it seemed like you didn't even want to know. Chaeyoung didn't want to live in her truth by herself. She wanted to shout it from the rooftops. But keeping that to herself seemed a much better option than making you uncomfortable and losing you as a friend.

She's not afraid to admit she's in love with the very fiber of your being. But she is afraid to admit that, even if she wasn't, you'd still have her wrapped around your finger.

~•~

"Get away from her." It's harsher than she intended and it definitely startled you, but it got the point across.

"Chae?" You questioned as you were practically yanked to Rosé's side.

"Don't grab her like that." Lisa said with a frown.

Rosé's resolve slipped for a second. Maybe she shouldn't have grabbed you but that was besides the point now.

"I said stay away from her."

Lisa put her hands up in mock surrender, "Look. Sorry. Didn't know she had a girlfriend."

"She's no-" Lisa walked deeper into the throng of people before you could finish your sentence.

You turned back to Chaeyoung with a frown.

"What the hell was that, Chae?"

That was a good question. One that she didn't exactly have an answer to. She glanced down to where her hand was still gripping your forearm. She let go silently.

"I-um...."

With a roll of your eyes you pulled Rosé through the crowd. You searched for an empty room, quickly finding an unoccupied bedroom.

You close the door behind you two. Finally, some peace and quiet.

You crossed your arms and looked on expectantly.

"Well?"

Chaeyoung's face scrunched up, like she was losing a hard fought battle with herself, "You don't get it do you?

"Get what? Why you pulled me away from Lisa? No. I don't."

Rosé wiped her hands over her face roughly, "I did that be-because....your mine. Or at least, I want you to be."

Your arms fell to your sides, and your face softened into confusion.

"Huh?"

"God. I thought I was being obvious. I thought I was being so obvious." Chaeyoung shook her hand before sitting on the edge of the bed.

"But, you're flirty with everyone?"

"There's a difference between being nice to someone and being irrevocably in love with you."

You scrambled for any words, any explanation that could help you describe your confusion, and quite frankly you're embarrassment. It seemed as though you had put her in the same position you had thought she put you in.

"I-"

"It's okay if you don't feel the same way. As long as we can still be friends. I just had to finally tell you with words. We can still be friends right?" She doesn't look at you as she speaks. Her eyes casted down onto her wringing hands in her lap.

You move slowly towards her, grabbing her hands in her lap, "I love you too. I'm sorry I didn't say anything before-I thought...I thought...well it doesn't matter what I thought. I just-I love you too. A lot."

Chaeyoung looked up at you, a stray tear falling from her eye, "You do?"

You nod, "I do." You leaned in towards her, taking her bottom lip softly between yours. And she kisses you back, it isn't hungry, but it passionate, and somehow that serves to turn you on more.

You pushed her back slightly and straddled her lap.

Chaeyoung seemed to not know what to do with this turn of events, so you helped her along. Grabbing her hands and placing them on your ass.

"Oh."

You breathed out a chuckle into her mouth, "Yeah. Oh."

Chaeyoung let herself be pushed backwards onto the bed. She grabbed at the zipper to your dress. Fumbling with it until it finally did what she had been willing it today.

She pulled the dress delicately over your head, pushing it onto the floor beneath your feet, "You're beautiful." She whispered into your neck.

You tried to hide your blush by turning your head as much as you could away from her.

"Don't hide from me. Not anymore."

You turned back to her. Your blush covering your face in full force. Chaeyoung leaned in and kissed you again.

You fumbled with her clothing just as she did with yours. A sense of urgency encompassing the both of you. Like you only had so little time to make up for the time you lost.

You're not even sure how you ended up on your back and further up the bed, but you are sure that Rosé touching you, on the outside and inside feels like being thrown head first into a volcano. And you finally come undone it's just like an eruption that you can't (nor want) to stop.

The same goes for Rosé. Having you taste her feels like she's drowning in the world's shallowest pool. It's like swimming in a puddle. Impossible, yet satisfying beyond belief. And when she finally comes undone it's just being evaporated into the summer sun.

When it's all over and you're laying on top, amd underneath, and through each other, Rosé speaks up, "I love you."

"I know." And you did.

Because,

You and Chaeyoung were best friends, and you were always meant to fall in love.

You knew that, like you knew the back of Chaeyoung's hand.