#I've only got one more page in my backlog...

[echoes-in-echoclan]

THE MOMENT OF TRUTH

SHE'S ALIVE

Moon 0 

Moon 42.2 - Moon 43

[ladykailitha]

Paper Hearts Part 1

Remember how my posting schedule was going to be based on strictly vibes from now on? Yeah this is why. I have three chapters of this completed and only two of most everything else because I hurt my right wrist on Wednesday evening (I think I overextended my elbow and it fucked up the tendons in my wrist, because I've done that before on my arm and it feels like that).

So instead of getting more work done on stuff that is literally paragraphs away from the end of the chapter I'm having to tap into my backlog. Which is what it's for. But it is annoying.

I am also aware it's nearly May, but my muse was never one for sense.

Summary: Hawkins High is selling paper hearts to help raise for senior prom. $3 for red romantic hearts and $1 for pink friendship hearts. Steve hasn't dated anyone since the horrific breakup with Nancy on Halloween and so he decides that he's going to send pink hearts to senior girls who wouldn't normally get any hearts at all. When Eddie hears about this he can't help be intrigued. It goes against his very well curated Munson Doctrine. But as events keep throwing them together, Eddie learns there is more to King Steve then meets the eye.

Also a note: the use of the other's last name when it's their point of view is deliberate. As they get to know each other more, the more first names get used.

****

Steve was staring at the huge sign with a sense of dread. In big pink and white letters on a red background screamed the words:

PAPER HEARTS FOR YOUR VALENTINE $1 FOR PINK FRIENDSHIP HEARTS $3 FOR RED ROMANTIC HEARTS ALL PROCEEDS GO TO CLASS OF 1985 SENIOR BALL

Valentine’s Day. That time of year for lovers and romantics. That used to be him. But not since Nancy broke his heart by breaking up with him for Jonathan Byers.

There would be no paper hearts in locker this year. Not even pink ones. Nancy had well and truly blown up his life and she got to walk away scott free.

He didn’t know what to do anymore. He pinched his nosed and rubbed the end. He wasn’t going to cry in the middle of the fucking main hall of Hawkins High.

Just before he was about to start moving again someone shoulder checked him, sending back to the floor and all his stuff sprawling around it like some fucked flower.

“Watch it, Harrington!” the voice growled as whoever it was sped off down the hall.

Steve didn’t even bother looking to see who it was. It could have been anyone these days. His former friends. Billy and his ilk. Hell, even the nerds and geeks got in on the action lately.

He knelt down to start cleaning it up when someone else kicked his books toward the lockers. He managed to get most of it picked up when he reached for the last notebook. Someone stepped on his hand and ground down, hurting Steve and ripping the cover off the notebook, crinkling the first couple of pages.

He shoved it into his bag and cradled his hand to his chest. He looked at his watch and sighed. Lunch was nearly over and he hadn’t even made it to the cafeteria yet.

There was nothing for it, he had to get to his next class. He walked into the class room just as the bell rang, but instead of heading for his usual spot near the front he made for the back of the class. There were always a few empty seats around Munson. The guy was terrifying on a good day.

And Steve hoped it was a good day.

****

Eddie made to class on time by the skin of his teeth. He slid through door just as the bell rang above his head. He was about to lope over to his usual spot in the back when he stopped dead in his tracks.

He looked up at the front at the deliberately left open seat and back at the seat next to his with a raised eyebrow. He wisely said nothing as he flopped into the torture device known as the chesk. Dair? Whatever the hell it was called where some unspeakable horror thought to combine a desk and a chair.

Eddie glanced sidelong at his new companion. The recently deposed king of Hawkins High sat slumped in his chesk, head down, just staring at its surface as if held the meaning to life the universe and everything.

Which if Harrington asked him, he would have been told forty-two.

He pulled out his notebook and noticed that Harrington did not do the same. Curiouser and curiouser. He pulled out a pencil and settled in to avoid falling to sleep today.

He was taking notes and doing the assignment like he was supposed to when about half way through class the teacher called out to him.

“Mr. Harrington!” she shrieked. “If you are going to be sitting in the back, please have the decency to pay attention in class!”

A couple of kids snickered.

“You were talking about how the Fool is used to lighten the absolutely horrific scene above him of Lady Macbeth as she tries to get blood out of her gown,” he muttered, scratching his cheek with his left hand.

That was when the teacher and Eddie noticed the same thing at the same time.

Harrington was cradling his right hand to his chest.

“Mr. Harrington is there something wrong with your right hand?”

“I accidentally hurt it during lunch,” he said with wince.

The teacher tapped her foot and crossed her arms. “And why didn’t you see the nurse?”

“It happened right before class,” Harrington muttered, “and I didn’t want to be late.”

The teacher huffed and shook her head. “I will give you note for your next teacher, but you will see the nurse after class, am I understood?”

He nodded.

“Mr. Munson,” she cried out, shrill. “If you’ll share your notes with Mr. Harrington after class so he does not fall behind.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

He continued to keep an eye on Harrington throughout the whole class but whenever their English teacher tried to catch him out, she would fail every time.

When the bell rang Eddie started shoving his stuff into his backpack. “You sure you even need my notes, Harrington? That was pretty impressive shit you pulled out of your ass today.”

Harrington just shrugged. “Just because I was paying attention doesn’t mean it won’t bleed out of my ears with all the algebra and chemistry stuff I have later.”

Eddie winced in sympathy. “Yeah, I hear that. What’s your locker number and I’ll just slip a copy of my notes in the slots.”

“323B.”

“They got you on a lower locker?” he asked with a grimace. “That’s jacked up. Even Mr. Super Senior here got a top locker. Does the secretary hate you or some shit?”

Again Harrington shrugged. “I’ve got to go. I’ll catch you later.”

Eddie folded his arms at looked at him. “You’re not going to the nurse’s station, are you?”

This time it was Harrington who winced.

“That’s what I thought,” he huffed. “I’m walking you to said nurse’s station because it could be broken and if you don’t get that looked at, you’ll be in more than just a world of hurt, man. You could fuck up your hand for life and you wouldn’t be able to anything in that hand ever again.”

Steve’s eyes went wide as all color drained from his face.

“Shit.”

Eddie grabbed both of their backpacks and headed for the door. “Yeah, shit.”

Harrington hurried to catch up, hand still cradled to his chest.

“How did you know that could happen to my hand?” he asked softly.

Eddie eyed him sidelong, but the kid wasn’t being an ass. In fact he would say Harrington was being earnest.

“My uncle works at the machinist plant up the road,” Eddie explained. “One of his buddies broke his hand on the machine and refused to get it looked at. Guess how well that worked?”

“Was it the plant’s fault?” Harrington asked. Eddie cocked his head to the side. “That you uncle’s friend got hurt?”

Eddie reared his head back in shock that Harrington would even ask.

“No, man,” he said shaking his head. “He was goofing off, being a dick. Uncle Wayne always said that if you knock on every door asking for the devil, one day he’s gonna answer.”

“What happens when the devil comes looking for you?” Harrington muttered to himself and Eddie couldn’t help but wonder what this kid had seen.

Because he knows haunted. And Harrington looks like he has an attic full of ghosts.

Once they got to the nurse’s station Eddie waited for him. When the other boy came out he asked how it went.

“She says it doesn’t feel broken,” he huffed. “But that if it doesn’t improve over the weekend after icing at least three times a day, to come back on Monday and she’ll order an x-ray.”

Eddie nodded. “Right. See you around, Harrington.”

He had barely turned around when Harrington called out to him. “Wait!”

Eddie turned back around to have a piece of paper shoved into his hand. “I got the nurse to excuse us both.”

And before he could even reply the other boy was tearing off down the hall as if the devil himself was chasing him.

And after that comment he’d heard, Eddie couldn’t be sure he wasn’t.

****

Steve was curled up on his bed, icing his hand, staring up at the ceiling, and wondering where the fuck his life had gone so wrong.

Okay so he could answer that one, actually. Demogorgon ate his girlfriend’s best friend while in his backyard. While him and said girlfriend were having sex for the first time.

Yeah... that was all kinds of fucked up.

He still couldn’t believe that Nancy sided with Jonathan about him taking pictures of their first time.

So now Valentine’s Day was two week away and he was dateless, friendless, and unpopular. He wished he could just be called a loner. But a loner was cool and Steve wasn’t even that anymore.

He just had to make until the end of may and then he could graduate, leaving this town in his rearview mirror for good.

Steve knew that he would have to struggle through this fucking holiday and Senior prom then it would be smooth sailing from there.

He had all this money that he would normally spend on his girlfriends, but now he didn’t even have that. He supposed he could blow it all on beer and weed and then he could enjoy the weekend for a change.

Steve sat up suddenly, the ice pack falling from his hand to hit the floor with sploosh!

Now that was an idea.

He still had one thing in the school that was nonpareil and that was gossip. In fact, it was easier to hear all the dirty little secrets because no one cared if he was standing there.

A smile spread over his face.

That could actually work. It would be a great way to spend his allowance and it would be fun.

He got up and put the ice pack back in the freezer. He couldn’t do anything about it right then but once his hand was better he would formulate his little plan.

Steve was suddenly excited for the first time since he dropped Dustin off at the middle school’s Snow Ball.

He was going to make this holiday fun even if he had to manufacture the fun himself.

****

Eddie was pissed. A little at himself, but mostly at how Harrington was being treated.

He had to sit through lunch and listen a bunch of stupid jocks brag about stomping on Harrington’s hand when he was trying to pick up his stuff off the floor in the hallway yesterday.

They had been hoping for an actual break, but the asshole thought he’d only bruised it.

The reason Eddie was a little mad at himself for this was because he was the one that had shoulder checked Harrington. He had only been trying to get the guy out of his daze. Not send his shit flying.

And then to have someone deliberately stepping on his hand. Fuck. Not even Hagan ever went that far.

Stev–Harrington didn’t deserve that kind of bullying. No one did.

But he could see the twisted sort of appeal, though. And fuck if that didn’t make his stomach turn.

To see the deposed king and want to mock that? Want to dig the hurt in as deep as he could? To drive home the lesson that popularity was fleeting and that existence was a curse?

Yeah, Eddie could see the appeal.

But he wouldn’t. He might make fun of literally everyone and everything but his own interests, but to make turn that into actual cruelty? That was were he drew the line in the sand.

He went home feeling sick to his stomach. And of course Wayne picked up on it immediately.

He jutted his chin at the chicken and rice on Eddie plate that he had only merely pushed around with his fork.

“What’s got you so twisted around the bend?”

Eddie put his fork down and hid his mouth with his clasped hands, elbows on the table.

“I fucked up today,” he murmured. “I didn’t mean for it to go as it did.”

“What did you do?”

So Eddie told him. “I wasn’t trying to hurt him, but he got hurt anyway.”

“That does sound pretty bad,” Wayne agreed. “And as you say, you were trying to help only for it to go very awry. And since you didn’t about it until after the fact you couldn’t apologize and that’s what’s eating you up inside.”

Eddie nodded around his fists, his lower lip quivering.

“You’ll just have to find a way to apologize on Monday,” Wayne said wisely.

Eddie sighed. It was the best he could do. It wasn’t as though he could call the guy up or show up at his house. The first because he didn’t have the guy’s number and the second because he’d get the cops called on him so fast by the neighbors.

It would just have to wait until Monday.

****

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

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[nevadas-night-time-novelist]

Auditor, Phobos, 2BDamned and Sanford with a reader that overworks themselves. Prioritizing work over mental and physical health, pushing themselves to their breaking point, skipping meals and only getting a few hours of sleep. I just need these four in particular to tell me to take care of myself and care about me argggh

Overworked reader

Audi, Phobos, Doc, Sanford

CW: bit of a mental spiral on San's end, ends well tho.

Burnouts a bitch man, don't wear yourself thin over shit, y'hear?

Auditor

"Are the chef's meals not to your liking?" You nearly jumped out of your seat when Auditor's ghostly whisper filled your ear. Casting your aching, tired eyes from your paperwork at the once hot meal, still arranged with care on the plate, completely untouched from the moment it left the kitchen.

"Oh, no. Of course not. They're good, don't worry." You offered him a weak smile. "I'll have it later, I just need to finish this up." Audi's eyes narrowed as you gestured meekly to your desk, piled high with reports, cloning records, casualty tallies, and other such boring admin work.

"It's cold." He grumbled, spinning your chair to face him, hands on his hips. "You're going to really hurt yourself and burn out if you keep pulling these awkward hours. Don't think I haven't noticed you slipping from our bed to come back to this. Did you forget how light a sleeper I am?"

Audi's stern demeanour dropped as your features fell, already feeling low because of how your body was struggling, now having your boss/lover add to that. "I just need to be able to keep up with you. What use am I really if I can't handle a fraction of the work you do?"

His hand rested under your chin, thumb delicately stroking your cheek. "You could never keep up with me, my flame, I was made to handle this. You're just a delicate mortal, you do more than enough without stressing yourself trying to level with me. Allow me to finish this later, mea vita, you are going to get a hot, fresh meal while I draw a bath for us, and after you will get the rest your body needs. That's an order, from your employer, understood?"

"Yes, but-"

He cut you off. "No 'ifs, ands, or buts,' You are going to hurt yourself, and I refuse to allow anyone to hurt you, even self inflicted pain. I, as your partner and boss, will clear this burden for you. When I asked for your best, I meant the best you can consistently handle, not this. You're not yourself, and I command you seek out that old self that I fell for and bring them back to me instantly."

Phobos

Being the director's lover had essentially no downsides, nobody spoke a bad word around you, people helped you far more than before, not to mention the adoration of the most powerful figure in the physical realm. However, that same man would often breathe down your neck, commanding you to stay by his side constantly.

Phobos relished in you, watching you, listening to you, being around you. He wished to be adored equally in return, however your work proved to be a distraction from him. He was... a tad obsessive, but how could he not be? He's a god, it was only right you'd devote yourself to him and him alone.

"Leave that alone will you? Your god requires your attention." A large clawed hand rested on your shoulder, the other pulling down his bandages from his mouth. "Your recent neglect of me is not going unnoticed, dear."

You rubbed your aching eyes, staring at a computer screen all day and most of the night irritated them. "I'm sorry Bo, but there's a lot of work that needs reviewing, I've got weeks of backlog to go through, and Christoff, Crackpot and Gonne have all submitted new reports today with pages and pages of intel to go through."

His hands wrapped around your middle, he lifted you up and took your place on the chair, resting you in his far more comfortable lap. "Bah, they're not worthy of your time. I'll command someone else to do it, the short fat one, whatever his name is. He enjoys paperwork and the like."

"Hofnarr is no doubt as swamped as I am." He took your face in one of his hands, his cracked and damaged lips pressing against your cheek.

"Someone else then, if it pleases you. Whatever it takes for you to spend time with me." You leaned into him, your back pressing against his chest, and he emitted a deep purr. "I am a god amongst men, dear, I don't beg for what I desire. I take it. And yet I allow you this honour. So please..."

Your stomach rumbled against his hand. "Harumph! Neglecting yourself as much as you've neglected me?! How dare you, enough is enough. I command you take care of yourself!" Phobos picked you up with ease, holding you level to his eye. To anyone else, he'd be holding them by their collar, or neck to meet his gaze, but with you, he was softer. A hand under your rump and the other on your back, supporting your weight comfortably.

"You are the lover of a god, think how pitiful it would look if I can't even take care of my equal? You stand above others, the right hand of my throne. Your duties have changed, lesser beings will take charge of them. Your only priorities are yourself and me, and the family we will create." Phobos snapped his fingers, and one of the guards at the door came forward.

"See to it that the chefs prepare your God's favourites, find someone to take their duties on and allow them to be truly indulged as they should be." Phobos looked back to you, his eye narrowing. "I will tear this world asunder for you, and build it up as you desire. I will give you anything your heart pines for, never again shall you be run ragged like this."

Phobos was self assured, a god of the highest order, surrounded by weaker, lesser beings. And yet here he was, begging at your altar. He wished you'd devote yourself equally to worshipping you as he did, and he would make damn sure that happened.

2BDamned

3 AM. Doc was in the kitchen, boiling some water over the stove. Hank has smashed the coffee maker earlier in the day, said he'd accidentally dropped the thing, yet couldn't explain the crowbar in his hands. Doc gritted his teeth, damn Wimbleton, making his hard job harder with their stupid thoughtless actions.

He had no doubt the fool had burned themselves on the machine and gone overboard against the poor helpless thing in revenge. Now here he stood, using the stove to make both his coffee and his snack. Instant noodles, his saving grace in the world. Easy to prepare, quick to eat, and filling.

With bleary, tired eyes, you wandered into the dim kitchen, hearing Doc grumbling to himself about 'Getting that moron to find another working machine or he'll have his spine inserted upside down next time.'

"Hey sweetheart." Yawning and setting your tablet down, you wrapped your arms around his midriff and leaned your face into his back. One hand pulled way from the stove, running down your arm before resting atop your hand, feeling the ring around your finger.

"You should be asleep, love." Doc murmured, his animosity towards Hank gone in the wind. You inhaled deeply, basking in his familiar scent.

"I could say the same to you, Kyle." He let out a soft 'Hm.', agreeing without agreeing. You were right, of course. "Debugging with Dei was going well, till he nodded off. San came by on one of his usual bathroom breaks and picked him up."

Doc poured the water into his noodle cup. "You want some coffee?" He took your favourite mug out of the cupboard.

"I thought you wanted me to sleep." You teased tiredly.

"You're my spouse. I know you well enough to know that's not gonna happen anytime soon, even if I would like it if you did." He tossed some powdered milk into the cups along with the beans. "We don't have any sugar left I'm afraid, or sweetener. It's become so scarce these days. Ration packages can't even supply a tiny packet anymore."

"I can get sugar anytime I've got you around." Doc smiled and turned off the hob, turning around to pull you into his arms. "Can I get some now?"

As far as you two were concerned, nothing else existed, everything except what was in both your arms was null and void. He tilted his head down slightly, lips catching yours softly. Butterflies fluttered in your tummy, they flared up every time your husband kissed you.

You rested your head on his chest, it was rare you two had a truly private moment together, as much as you both tried. Being enemies of the state was hard work, who'd have thought?

"You should really lay down dear." Your eyes fluttered open, and you looked up to him. You hadn't even realised you'd started dozing off in his arms.

"No, I've got work to do." You yawned, and Doc chuckled softly.

"You're really stubborn sometimes, you know that?" He picked up both coffees and his noodles. "Tell you what, grab your tablet and we can get cosy in bed together. Work can wait until later, I think we've overdue some private couple time."

Nestled in the crook of Doc's arm felt like the safest place in the world, even with coffee in your system, you couldn't help but fall asleep with him. Trust and love deep rooted, he was your sanctuary.

And damn it, he was going to get you into a healthier sleep routine.

Sanford

It'd been a couple weeks since you'd seen Ford, Doc had sent him off on recon work with Deimos and a splinter group from a faction allied with the SQ, they'd been on the other side of Nevada having heard whispering of something dangerous settling out there.

Two weeks of silence left you anxious, pacing around often, skipping meals and staying up into the early hours of the morning. Longing makes the heart sick, and a sick heart makes the body weak.

The only think you could do to keep your mind occupied was cleaning out the gun stash, checking over the stocked rounds repeatedly, despite the numbers never changing, cleaning already dirt and grime free steel.

A scrubbing brush in hand, you scraped at one of the many swords Hank had salvaged, violently jolting the bristles back and forth over either rust, or really crusted on blood just above the hilt.

Doc usually kept you in the loop of long jobs, sometimes you'd even be in walkie talkie range of your partner and could hear his voice. He could be hurt, he could be dead, you'd be none the wiser, and that was maddening.

Of course you weren't needy and dependant on him, that'd be too much, but just a sign he was okay would've been enough to give you peace of mind. It's the not knowing that drove you to dark places.

Bang!

You jumped in your seat as the front door slammed. "Baby, you here? I'm back." Dropping the blade, you got to you feet and rushed to the door.

"Sanford, you're okay?!" You leaped into his arms, and he caught you easily. Oh sweet security, your world had come home to you safely.

"Yeah babe," San leaned back slightly to get a good look at you, his loving gaze turning to concern. "uh, hope you don't mind me sayin' doll/stud, but you look like hell." His hands brushed over your hair. "...When did you last shower?"

Suddenly you felt rather embarrassed, it'd been a.... couple days at least. Probably about a week since you'd stopped properly taking care of yourself. Swapping meals out for multiple junk snacks, a fucked up sleeping schedule consisting of occasional naps but mostly anxious pacing and activity.

"Uhm..." That was an answer enough for him.

"Baby," Sanford rubbed his cheek, clearing off some dust from his face. "you need to take care of yourself." He sighed and took off his sunglasses. "Have you even been eating properly?"

You didn't meet his gaze. "Okay. Tell you what," He took off his dirty tank top and tossed it aside. "I'll pull out something from the freezer, shove it in the oven while we get a nice shower, and then we can eat and get some rest." Just being near him, hearing his melodic voice again was enough to bring you to a sense of normalcy.

Sanford was fine, he was alive, he was here.

"Things have just been a bit... off without you." You sighed, clinging to his frame, almost afraid if you let him go, he'd run off for another two weeks, or longer. "Sorry, it's just been a lot to deal with, not knowing where you were, if you were safe... It's been hard."

"I get it. I do, I really do," Sanford had his own experiences with deep depression, despite being the large stoic type, the horrors of war, what he and his friends had to do to get an advantage against everything haunted him. "fight, flight, freeze is a real thing, but you can't just shut down baby. You gotta keep fightin, keep yourself in good shape 'cause it's a scary world out there."

"I know. It's easier said than done though." Sanford pulled out a tray of his legendary frozen mac n cheese, you hadn't checked the freezer since he'd left, otherwise that would've been long gone. You didn't know how he did it, but it was godly each time he made it.

"I get that." He shoved the tray into the oven, flicking switches to heat up the frozen dish. "You gotta change how you think, baby." You watched him take off his bandanna, revealing his hair. Or lack thereof.

"You shaved your head?" Usually he'd grow out his hair, style it into long locs and keep them tied back and under his bandanna, but once in a blue moon he'd get bored of maintaining them, and shave it off to start again.

Sanford ran a hand over his scalp, feeling the small curls starting to reappear. "Yeah, easier than trying to keep it clean out there. Dusty as hell." His hands came to rest on your shoulders, turning you to the bathroom. "No bother, I've got your hair to care for now. I'mma spoil you rotten."

Years of caring for his baby siblings had taught the beefcake that just telling someone what to do usually didn't help, but doing it along side them helped solidify the action. He'd help you get cleaned up, get back to eating proper food and getting proper sleep.

He needed to fall into the routine too, sleeping rough in trucks was a pain in his back, and access to his comfy old bed would do him wonders to getting decent sleep again. A full belly and his favourite person in the entire world cuddling into his pecs definitely helped too.

Yes, he needed this just as much as you did.

[clown-friend-gt]

Up, Up, and Away: Chapter 1

It's finally happening! I'm finally posting this story in the order it happens, instead of in whatever order I suits my fancy.

In all seriousness, I'm really excited to post this! I have the first few chapters of this story written, so look forward to those soon.

In the future, updates will be spaced out to give me time to (hopefully) write more chapters in between posts, so I've always got a backlog. But today, to celebrate this coming out, I'm going to post the first two chapters one right after the other.

In this chapter, we get the beginning of Trevor's story. If you've read some of the other stuff on my blog, you'll realize he looks a bit different than he does in those. This is because this chapter takes place before his transformation begins.

Link to Masterpost

************************************************************************

New School, Same Story

800 words

(TW: Bullying)

In his first class on his first day of high school, Trevor Castillo sat alone, doing his best to keep to himself. He tried to act natural, doodling in the margins of his notebook like he would on any other given day. But it was difficult when the students at the front of the room were talking about him.

Well, not exactly. They were talking about one of the school’s new counselors. But their topic of conversation concerned him more than they knew.

“My brother says he’s never seen him before, he’s got to be a new staff member or something,” one said.

“But his badge says he’s from the Lively Institute,” said another.

“I’ve heard they send counselors to any school where a student tests positive for the super gene,” the first one responded.

“So what, some kid at this school’s gonna be a superhero or something?” A third one scoffed.

“Could be. Or they could go rogue.”

There was a lull in their conversation.

“So who do you think it is?”

“Me, obviously,” one of them chuckled, flexing his arms. His friends laughed, and their topic of conversation changed soon after.

Trevor grimaced to himself. He remembered being shocked when his doctor told him that they’d detected the SMM gene, otherwise known as the “super gene” in his genetic testing. Everyone his age had to take the test, but he’d never imagined something would come of it. Now, that feeling of shock had subsided into latent anxiety, and he could only hope that nothing would come of it.

Superheroes were like celebrities in the cities they operated in. But Trevor was perfectly content staying out of the spotlight for the rest of his life. He wasn’t really suited for the life of a hero.

If he did end up developing superpowers, maybe it would be something he could hide, and he’d be able to live a normal life. That was the best he could wish for.

Right now, though, he didn’t want anyone to realize he’d been listening in to the conversation about the mystery student. He was convinced that if people learned it was him, it’d only make life harder. He tried to make it look like his full attention was on the page in front of him.

Just keep your head down, he thought to himself. He focused on getting the anatomy of the figure he was drawing just right. Losing himself in something he enjoyed always helped him feel better.

He heaved a sigh, relaxing just a little.

Suddenly, a hand shot out and grabbed the notebook off of his desk and threw it on the ground. He went to look up at who’d done it, but another hand gripped the back of his head and slammed it into the hard surface below him. He let out a cry of pain, his eyes beginning to water.

He glanced up to see everyone else in the room pointedly looking away. No one would make eye contact with him. Even if he normally didn’t want any attention, it still stung when people ignored it when he was bullied right in front of them.

“Morning Castillo,” rang out a familiar voice.

He looked up to see Robbie Deckman, the boy who’d bullied him since middle school. It looked like that wouldn’t be changing anytime soon.

Trevor tried to ignore him. His face throbbed with pain. He reached over to try and grab his notebook from where it lay on the ground, but Robbie placed his foot on top of it and swept it aside. Then he grabbed Trevor’s outstretched arm and yanked him to his feet. With his small size, it wasn’t hard for Robbie to push him around.

Robbie loomed over him. “Whatcha been up to? Same old?” he asked sarcastically while grinding his heel into the drawing Trevor had been working on. Trevor just looked away.

When he didn’t respond, Robbie scoffed and shoved Trevor backwards. He crashed down into his seat.

“See you around,” he said with a sneer. Then he walked off, finding a seat near the back of the room to sit in.

The silence left behind after the confrontation slowly filled up with idle chatter again. Everyone just went on with their lives. Same old, same old, Trevor thought to himself bitterly.

Something had to change.

He cautiously picked his notebook up from the ground. The front page, including the drawing he’d been working on, was wrinkled and torn. With a sigh, he tore out the first page and turned to the one after it, starting his drawing over again.

Maybe Trevor had been wrong earlier. Maybe getting superpowers could be the best thing that could happen to him. Maybe it would mean no one would be able to pick on him anymore.

Or maybe he’d end up an even bigger freak than before.

Next

[birdmenmanga]

Things on my plate rated in order of how much they scare me

1. presentation on zinemaking and fan anthologies on 12/10: 10/10

scary bc even though I'm quite naturally talented at giving presentations I don't think any of it is actually talent at all and is actually simply it just being well-rehearsed and 98% completely memorized + my knack of being able to say things in a natural way, I have to do it in Chinese this time. it means that I have to look up a lot of specific terms so I can say all of it and it's just a lot of pressure because this is a topic I know a lot about and I haaaate looking stupid about things I'm an expert in. if it goes badly I'm literally going to kill myself

2. chorus: 12/10

dude this is really scary. I only have like 10 pages of backlog left. I don't know what to do about this. I want to hold out til at least the end of ACT 4 but I dunno if I can do it. it actually scares me more than the talk but the talk is sooner so I put it higher up on the list. but this one's actually more scary

3. heishin exchange: 6/10

Neither one of the ideas I'm cooking up are. well. quick. they're both quite expansive and it scares me. I want to pull through as best I can and I KNOW I can just draw one (1) picture for it but I want to do something immense and crazy. I like doing that stuff. I don't know if I can right now though. I'm like I got plany off time right now but truly? I don't think I got plany off time.

4. tanabemas: 3/10

I'm not as behind on this bc I've been working on stuff for this to cope with everything else but still. kind of scary. unfortunately feeling a bit of plany off time for this even though that is NOT true

OK SO WHAT DO I DO...

Well I dunno. I guess it makes sense to focus on the presentation first. I think I know which story to go for for the exchange; doing the storyboards for AT LEAST the first maybe like 5 pages would be good to show as progress for the check-in.

Okay so I figure out the first hour of the lecture, then I figure out the first storyboards for the heishin... then I finish the second half of the lecture and then go full steam on chorus for at least a week or two. that puts the timeline around christmas, and so I'll have a couple weeks to wrap up the tanabemas stuff since I made the end date Jan. 10th. and then it's full steam chorus again. hmm no these things are way too vague I gotta block things out more specifically... hrng... okay...

[petra-creat0r]

Annual Update 2024

Alright everyone! New year, new updates for all my stuff!

Starting with ...

AtDFF and AYC

(The new signatures for my main art, AtDFF, and AYC)

As some, and by that I mean most of you have probably noticed, I rebooted AtDFF... again. I technically started a revamp all the way back in 2020 where I was redrawing the older updates to better match the current style and reformat the asks and text for better readability, but that didn't impede on the main updates (well, besides putting more onto mine and the rest of the team's work load.)

The Reboot

This past year though, I made the decision to completely reboot the comic for a few reasons. One was an attempt to renew my motivation, another was wanting to rework some of the lore, yet another was being inspired by @askfallenroyalty to remake the comic and post to ComicFury, but I think the main factor was... I wasn't all that happy with it. I think I kept comparing it to other comics, especially Fallen Royalty, which is my own issue, please don't go blaming anyone else. I knew I could do better, especially after over 5 years working on this, but now looking back, part of me feels that, rebooting it again is, in a way, diminishing those years. Even with the 2020 revamp, prior to it you could go through the updates and really look at how my art has progressed, and though true you can still scroll and find the old updates, it's just... not quite the same. Same can be said for the 2023 reboot.

Does that mean I'm going back on the reboot? No. I already have the next updates planned (I just haven't had a chance to work on them that often) and I really like the new lore of the world that I've come up with. I just think this will be the last time I ever reboot the comic. Whatever happens, happens, and I need to just roll with it. Even if what happens is our little roadtrip getting derailed into a corn field again, lol.

Comic Fury and New Comic?

With that said, what do I have in store for the new reboots of AtDFF and AYC? (yes AYC got rebooted too, I just haven't posted the first update like I did with AtDFF) Well, I mentioned a Comic Fury, which surprise. Both AtDFF and AYC have their own Comic Fury pages now! Don't worry, I still plan on posting to Tumblr as well, but now you can also find them on Comic Fury. Along with another comic I'm planning to do (eventually), Undertale-ish: The Comic. Ever wonder what Ish Frisk's journey through the Underground was like? Want to see what happened in most (not all) of their 800 runs? Want to see this child grapple with their self insecurities, perfectionism, and the responsibility of having full control over time and an entire civilization's lives in the palm of their hand? Want to see Chara as a ghost? Well that's what you'll get with Undertale-ish: The Comic! Coming I don't know since I such at scheduling and time management for these things!

Schedule

Speaking of scheduling! When are any of these comics coming out? Well... I just said I suck with schedules, and I can't promise really... anything when it comes to release but like... I know I for sure would like to release things... regularly? Even with the start of the reboot, I started it in April, and that stuff extended until at least August. Every summer I naively think "Oh! I'm gonna have so much time to work on the comic!" and then I get a summer job. Because I'm nearly 20 and going to college and even if I'm still living under my parent's roof, I can't entirely rely on my dad to pay my tuition. Only for half the year. Then during the school year, I have classes, and I feel burned out by the time I get home, and- It's a whole thing I need to find someway to work around or else nothing gets done and my brain just screams at itself. So, I think scheduling is something I'm gonna figure out throughout January, and try and get a backlog of updates ready throughout February to April or May so maybe we can start posting again in summer. Does that feel like a long wait? Even being near a year from the first update of the AtDFF reboot? Yes. But also I'm trying to over estimate and give myself the time and space I need while still attending college, and I wouldn't just be working on one comic update, but multiple. I'm trying to give myself space and some grace instead of making promises that feel hollow after a while of being unfufilled.

Lack of Motivation and How to Fix

Another thing to address, is my motivation when it comes to these series. I don't think it's accurate to say I've felt completely unmotivated to work on either comic, I mean, I was motivated for some of the beginning of last year to full on overhaul them, but I will say that, these comics have started to feel like a job. It's been something I've felt for a couple years now, where I've been having less fun with the comic as it's begun to feel like actual work. Believe me, I'm super excited for some of the later plot points of both AtDFF and AYC, and I love Undertale-ish and these characters but to get to those points or character moments, it feels like I'm slogging through what comes before it, which isn't good. This is something that sure, rebooting helped for a bit, before I got caught up in school and other stuff, but it's not a permanent solution and I've felt myself slipping back into the comic feeling like a job.

So how might I remedy this? Well, I think the solution might lie in another series I started this year, Drawing Junior Secret Squad until Chapter 3. Even if DJSSuC3 is more Deltarune focused, I've enjoyed drawing Chicago and my other fankids pretty much daily as, there's not that much pressure on it. Definitely not like there is with AtDFF or AYC. I don't have to line, or even color them since, they're just little doodles. I don't have to worry about missing a day since, I'll just do multiple the next day. They're quick, they're easy, I can just draw whatever idea I have with the characters I want, I'm having fun. Back when Ask the Dreemurr-Font Family was nothing but an ask chat on Amino, that's what I did it for. For fun. I wasn't worried with popularity or being like other creators, I just did silly little character driven roleplays for fun. I think that's been my issue with the comics. They aren't fun anymore. They're work because, I feel it's my job to tell this story rather than just... telling it because I want to. So, I think going forward, I'm gonna try to have more fun with the comics and Ish in general. For you all, that's probably gonna look like more sketches and doodles getting posted and maybe even just sharing small comics based off ideas that pop into my brain or from roleplays that happened in my server. Little things to help me regain the enjoyment I had with these comics and world.

Deltarune: Fool's Fate

I think that's all I've got to say on the Undertale based comics, so how about now we move onto something Deltarune related? As I was doing DJSSuC3, I introduced an idea called Deltarune: Fool's Fate. Aka, Chicago and Co's adventures through the Dark Worlds after Kris denied their destiny. So far, this has just been little doodles, character designs, and a roleplay I've been doing in my discord server. I've been having quite a bit of fun with that RP, we're nearly to the end of what would be the first "chapter" and have been fighting Dorothy, the secret boss of the Attic Dark World and who some of y'all might recall I made a real life doll of when my old computer finally kicked the bucket earlier this month. (I've still yet to make her dress or crown) I think roleplays have always been the thing I find the most enjoyable when it comes to character exploration as, I don't have to spend forever drawing comics and I get to sorta live through the characters. It's something I've been doing for characters from even before I was in this fandom. With the Fool's Fate roleplay too, I've also got to come up with elements that could feasibly be in an actual video game without, you know, actually coding a video game.

I don't know where Fool's Fate will go from here, while it'd be cool to have it be an actual fangame, I don't have that sort of skill. Nor the budget to pay a team. (My team for the comics is really just a bunch of friends I convinced to help me out for free.) Even with a sprite comic, it'd be too much. So, for now, it'll likely just remain a concept and roleplay. But, who knows. Maybe someday I could make it into something. I mean, after watching this year's Underevent I wanted to.

Other stuff

With all the UTDR stuff out of the way, what about some of my other stuff? (Because, surprise, Undertale and Deltarune aren't the ONLY things I do. Just the things I hyperfixate on the most.) Well, I've got my Fakemon region, Azmayca, POW-R, Dragon Riders, and Kinder Eyes which I started last summer. I don't really have any plans for them, asides from bugging people for ideas and doodling whenever I'm in the mood. However I think starting this year, I'm gonna try to post more of the doodles I make. Either ones in my sketchbook since DJSS gave me the confidence to post sketchy silly little doodles like that, or sketch doodles I draw digitally as warm ups. Though who knows. Maybe a hyperfixation swing some time during the summer will cause me to actually try to do something crazy like outline the whole Azmayca region and hypothetical game. Hopefully not something like that though. Making the evolutions of my redesigns of the starters might be nice.

Commissions

Another thing I'd like to finally do next year is update my commissions sheet. It's something I've had in the work for a while now, and was working on along side launching the comic updates. But, like the comics, school and work got in the way so... I sorta forgot about it. Regardless! I'm gonna try to post my updated sheet some time within the next few months, it's mostly just been havin to draw or find recent examples of my work. Hopefully then I'll actually get some more commissions because, um *looks at the whooping $3.94 in my checking account* I could really use the extra money. I might work during the summers and get grade payments from my dad but, that stuff is to pay my tuition and some of my lunches during the semester, and even with lunches, 500 dollars is spread thin through 17, 16 ish weeks. That's like, only $30 a week, which is maybe enough to cover buying lunch at the campus food court like, once or twice from the food court. Maybe three times if I'm lucky and conservative with my spending. Not to mention that $300 of that went to my new laptop, and even if I should be getting $300 from a paycheck I was never paid back when I worked at Arby's 3 summers ago, I still haven't gotten that gift card in the mail so... Yeah. If I was living on my own, I'd be screwed. Which is why commissions and Patreon are like, my only source of income during the school year. (I still need to look into getting an on campus job for this upcoming semester but that's its own whole big can of worms.)

Patreon

Speaking of Patreon, that's another goal I want to set. Actually posting to it again. I had a burst early last year were I was regularly posting to Patreon with early access chapters of The Puppet and the Real Boy (before I retconned that with Fool's Fate) and thanks to my only Patreon ever @kierangecko, I managed to make around $50 bucks which ended up being used to help get blanks for some of my Christmas gifts for people (thank you Gecko. I know I did stop posting after like, May, but that money really came in handy.) So for this next year, I'm gonna try to post to that again. Be it WIPs of the comic, scripts, little doodles I don't post on Tumblr or whatever, I want to make Patreon another source of income. Which involves posting to it at least monthly. And even if I don't, then you guys won't have to worry about anything since I've got it set to not charge for months I don't post anything.

Resolution Review

So, to review some of my... I guess you could call them resolutions, though I'd rather think of them as goals I don't absolutely have to hold myself too but would just like to accomplish, I'd like to...

Have more fun when with AtDFF and AYC through drawing and posting more loose, silly comics and doodles

Try figuring out a posting and work schedule for AtDFF and AYC by then end of January

Hopefully get a back log of updates for both comics ready to release by summer

Start on and release Undertale-ish: The Comic sometime this year

Keep doing Drawing Junior Secret Squad until Chapter 3 until Chapters 3 and 4 of Deltarune hopefully come out sometime this year.

Possibly design hypothetical secret boss predictions for Chapters 4 and 5 of Deltarune before the next chapters come out.

Keep working on, designing characters for, and coming up with Dark Worlds for Deltarune: Fool's Fate. Perhaps even drawing some tarot cards with the chapter bosses.

Post more about my other projects, even if they're only sketchbook drawings or warm up doodles.

Update my commissions page and hopefully take more commissions to earn some extra money/save up for college or to move out.

Post regularly to my Patreon, also to earn some extra money.

Generally have a better year than 2023 and to find more enjoyment in my art and projects.

Closing

Ho boy! That was... A lot! This has turned out to be one very long post. Hehe. Well, should be over now that I've said all I need too. Also, if I haven't said it already, I'd like to thank all of you for supporting me and my art. Be it my comics, DJSSuC3, my other projects, or anything I've posted this year. It means a lot to me that people even like what I draw and you all mean the world to me. With all of that out of the way, thank you Creative Creators and I hope you have a Happy New Year.

[pesterloglog]

Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde

Act 6, page 5398

DAVE: whats up with the fish punk troll following kanaya around

ROSE: Seems she's passing through. Kanaya doesn't want her to cause trouble.

DAVE: cause trouble

DAVE: what the fuck could she even do here

DAVE: like kick over an old pile of garbage and cause the property value to fall even lower than jack shit

DAVE: i say let her go nuts

ROSE: Feel free to take it up with Kanaya.

ROSE: But if you authorize her to flip a bitch, just make sure she's nowhere near my chemistry table.

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: cant be droppin your vials and shit all over the floor

DAVE: the only one whos got clearance to drop science is me

ROSE: Dork.

DAVE: dont even hate

DAVE: been shoring up my muthafuckin CRAFT over here

ROSE: I know. I've been in the same room, right over there, listening to you mumble lyrics to yourself for the last couple hours.

DAVE: rose you know what sucks

ROSE: Yes.

ROSE: To which sucky thing are you referring?

DAVE: it kinda just occurred to me

DAVE: while i was spitting ill verse to no end

DAVE: i got this weird feeling that i might be getting like

DAVE: a little dated?

ROSE: Is this about Terezi?

DAVE: what

DAVE: no no

DAVE: dont be disingenuous word girl you know what im saying

DAVE: i mean sorta passe

DAVE: like a lumbering pop reference dinosaur

DAVE: remember we are both kind of stuck in 2009

DAVE: so im like popculturally frozen in that period

DAVE: all my references feel like they might be getting a little stale

DAVE: even though the earth ended and all and there was no culture after that point anyway

DAVE: but still

DAVE: i can feel it

DAVE: like in my bones

DAVE: i just know on some hypothetical earth that kept going my shit is starting to get so lame

DAVE: and i know it doesnt matter because its just us here so who cares

DAVE: but i care

DAVE: its a matter of integrity i am a fucking artist

DAVE: like i think if i make one more rap about like some fucking dane cook movie from 2008 to piss karkat off or some tired bullshit like that im going to

DAVE: i dont know

DAVE: ill just start feeling like a fraud

DAVE: my game might be drying up rose

DAVE: but its not my fault like im totally hostage to this freezedried backlog of cultural garbage that can never move forward again

DAVE: so i have to pick through it like im looting a fucking tomb while still all tryin to act RAP SASSY

DAVE: like YEAH take THAT motherfuckers

DAVE: OF THE PAST

DAVE: all in your mass graves somewhere in a dead frogiverse

DAVE: i be representing some god damn STANDARDS about your media do you feel me

DAVE: im depressing myself here

DAVE: all im saying is it would be cool to have some fresh shit to work with

DAVE: like just to know

DAVE: to know what the world would be like in the year it would be for us now

DAVE: which would be 2011 i guess

DAVE: wow 2011 really

DAVE: damn

DAVE: i just want to know what would have happened

DAVE: theres so much shit we were primed for

DAVE: it was gonna be exciting

DAVE: like barack obama just turned president remember that

DAVE: we never got to see if he fixed the economy

DAVE: remember how you were dying to see if he would fix the economy you were asking me about it every damn day

DAVE: just joking nobody gave a shit about that

DAVE: but like

DAVE: i never got to check out the next batch of stiller jams and see how bad i could mock them

DAVE: we never got to find out how the midnight crew adventure ended

DAVE: if ever

DAVE: rose

DAVE: ROSE??

DAVE: what the fuck man

DAVE: whyd you go back to your bottles and shit i was right in the thick of hella elocution

DAVE: dont give me that

DAVE: yes

DAVE: uh yeah

DAVE: yes i do ACTUALLY want you to come back over here

DAVE: im waiting

ROSE: Fine. Here I am.

DAVE: wow was that so hard

DAVE: this is what civilized people do rose they fucking talk to each other like actually in each others fucking vicinities

ROSE: You just have a tendency to go on for a while. I assumed we progressed to the traditional mumbling monologue stage of Striderian discourse.

DAVE: no thats not even a thing

DAVE: i was actually like

DAVE: trying to get your take

ROSE: Take on what.

DAVE: i dont even know

DAVE: i bet john would have stuff to say

DAVE: hes probably going through the same frozen fucking caveman from 2009 syndrome as me

DAVE: actually what am i saying the dude is a caveman from 1997

DAVE: hahaha like he could give a shit as long as hes got his cage dvds

ROSE: Oh! I saw him the other night.

DAVE: what

ROSE: In a dream. It was very brief, only a few minutes. I waved to him and then woke up.

DAVE: whoa what was he doing

ROSE: He was fighting Jack. Actually, he was doing quite well!

DAVE: oh man

DAVE: you have to tell me all about this

ROSE: I will. Later, though. I'd like to get back to work.

DAVE: ok when

DAVE: tonight?

ROSE: I have plans tonight. How about tomorrow.

DAVE: plans

DAVE: what plans

ROSE: Just some plans.

DAVE: can i come

ROSE: No!

DAVE: fuck fine

DAVE: tomorrow then

DAVE: maybe ill just dream up my own john tonight and well have an awesome time without you what do you think about that

ROSE: ...

DAVE: fu

[harushinkai-daily]

State of the Blog and Plans Going Forward

Hello friends! I wanted to share my plans for this blog now that we've gone through all the episodes and documented more than four years(!!) of good, good Harus.

The bottom line up front: this blog will still be updating, but there is going to be a drop in frequency, and I will take requests via the askbox if there's something you want to see! The rest is under the cut to spare your dash, but read on if you're curious!

First of all, I want to assure everyone that this blog is NOT going away. I care about it way too much to just abandon it. That said, I really don't have it in me to keep it updating daily at this point. There are nowhere near enough "new" Harus I could post, and while I suppose I could start the anime over again from the beginning, I want to make this transition on a high note, and there's nothing I could do that would be more satisfying than (somewhat-accidentally-but-then-totally-on-purpose once I saw it was possible) lining up the end of the anime to coincide with Haru's birthday. Plus, I always want this blog to be a labor of love and joy, so I really do need to make this adjustment before it starts feeling like a chore or obligation to update ^^;

So what does that mean? It means there will still be some new posts to this blog, but they're going to become much more sporadic in nature. I haven't exactly figured out what this looks like yet. It might be every week, it might just be when I feel like it. I still have some manga panels to go through and some anime-related "bonus materials." Plus, there are some stats and compilation-based photosets I want to make (and my personal top 10 Harus? You betcha!). Not to mention finishing the poor, neglected blog index, if you've ever looked at this page on desktop!

That actually brings up another one of my goals for this project: archival and general Appmon news/promotion. In terms of archival, I want to export the contents this blog (screenshots and captions) somewhere outside of Tumblr; I'm thinking a Neocities page or something. I also might use this space to reblog whatever Appmon-related news we might get in the future (few and far between, obviously, but it could still happen!). There are also some other Appmon-related projects that are rattling around in my head that I would also like to get out there (character comparison by director and/or Caught-Up Old Man supercut, anyone?). So things might look kind of quiet as I do some work on some backend HTML and other behind-the-scenes stuff, but progress will probably be happening on those fronts, slowly but surely!

All that said, if you really can't get enough Haru, there are several ways you can help to keep this blog going!

Send me a date on the calendar, ANY date, and I'll reply with all of the daily Harus that got posted over the years! The only exception to that rule is July 1, since that day's dedicated to reblogging fanworks :)

Send me ideas for photosets! With 4 years of backlog, I'm sure there are some interesting ones that could be made.

Send requests for gifs! I only did this sporadically during the original run, but if there's something you want to see that I didn't make already, I'll do it.

Let me know what YOUR favorite Haru(s) are. It doesn't have to be all about me! :D

Send me Harus or requests for Harus that I'm missing? This blog has always accepted submissions. But please note I will not post more than individual Appmon manga panels, because Naoki Akamine, the mangaka, has requested that any art they've shared and posted on social media not be reposted. If it's not directly from the anime, I also have a strong preference for original, official images WITH SOURCES, because I've noticed there are a few AI-upscaled versions of things like card art floating around out there. I will always do my best to track down the original image, and will not use images that have been enhanced with AI on this blog. A sure way to tell: any text on the image looks fuzzy (and wrong!)

Last but not least (and I know I say this a lot, but bear with me): thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for sticking with this blog, whether you're a longtime follower or a relative newcomer. This whole project started on a whim, as a passion project early in the COVID-19 pandemic, and I could not have guessed that it would have taken me this long to make it through the whole series, one good Haru at a time. I have spent a truly shocking amount of time working on this blog, but an equal amount of love, for one of my absolute favorite Digimon series and gogglehead protagonists.

Love from your HaruShinkai-Daily mod,

@citrus-cactus

[solradguy]

hello solradguy! as someone who is interested in learning how to translate japanese, i was wondering what your approach was to learning japanese! did you go in knowing you wanted to translate writing, and focus your efforts on reading? or did you try to learn all aspects of it at once (ie audio recognition, speaking, pitch accent, etc)

I started learning it because, at the time (2015), I was still doing art in mostly analog formats and a lot of really good inking supplies came exclusively from Japan with fully Japanese packaging. It was really frustrating having to rely on machine translation to figure out things like replacing pen cartridges or pen nibs upkeep/maintenance. My focus then was reading and I never really shifted from that; I can't verbally speak it and my audio recognition is only marginally better haha

Translating Guilty Gear stuff sort of happened by accident, and improved my Japanese more than anything else I was using to study with (which was mostly Duolingo, Wanikani, and Tofugu articles 😬). I couldn't find anyone else that was actively working on getting stuff into English and there was a massive backlog of official literature that hadn't even been so much as scanned, so I was like "Well, if no one else is gonna do it..." lmao It later turned out that there was stuff that had been translated, it was just kinda stashed away on niche websites or Discord servers.

Artworks of Guilty Gear X 2000-2007 captions were my first non-Japanese workbook translation project and got me to really start taking my Japanese studies seriously. There weren't files of pretty much any of the illustrations in that book online that were in decent quality. It was actually faster/easier just scanning a page (at the time) than manually cleaning and upscaling one.

This was the very first Guilty Gear thing I ever scanned (March '22) and the caption that went with it:

They’re half-realistically drawn here. At the time, I wanted to pursue texture in my drawings and used many thick layers of Copic markers to try to achieve that. I don’t think it was pointless, but if it’s going to take too much time to do such things, acrylic paints would be better. - Cover of the August 2000 issue of Arcadia Monthly.

It's a lot clunkier than how I would translate it now haha I've improved so much since then...

I used to physically write out the captions and translate them in a notebook. Here's how the first pass of this caption went:

They were only half realistically drawn. At that time I wanted to pursue texture in my drawings, so I used a thick coat of Copic marker. I don't think it's "pointless," but if it's going to take too much time to pursue such things, I think acrylic would be better.

It's fun going through this notebook and seeing these old translations. Eventually I got good enough at doing it in my head that I stopped writing them out, but sometimes really long sentences still trip me up. Japanese word order.......

These days I get most of my practice by doing Renshuu flashcards/games and reading posts by my Japanese mutuals over on Twitter. Even though I'm still actively translating GG stuff, the projects have gotten much bigger and there isn't anything left that's like the Artworks 2007 captions that I could whip out in about an hour anymore, it's all long paragraphs or manga dialog.

I still don't have much desire to practice speaking or listening skills because I would never get any use out of them where I live in the Midwest USA—they'd get rusty fast if I didn't practice religiously. But I do handle Japanese text very often and am fine with focusing 100% of my study time on just reading/writing instead.

[babybluebanshee]

Stuff I've had to deal with as a city librarian - Halloween Spooktacular

Hello again boils, ghouls, and nonbinary werewolves! Your old buddy Blue has a backlog of whack-ass stories from her travels as a humble library clerk, so here's a big post fulla laughs, drama, and maybe a few bodily fluids tossed in for flair.

Seriously though, tw for bodily fluids, bugs, and PTSD

*A woman came up to the front desk and asked if we had a quiet area where she could make a zoom call and not disturb anyone. No prob, have people asking that all the time. The study rooms were all full, so she was pointed in the direction of the cafe. A few minutes go by, and suddenly everyone at the desk and the page in the shelves beyond it hears loud ass shouting coming from the cafe. Julie heads down to inspect, hoping it's not a fight she has to break up. Nope, as it turns out, the lady on the zoom call is leading an exercise class. She has a mat and everything, and was leading her class in aerobics when Julie got down there. We quickly moved her to a more out-of-the-way conference room.

*A children's board book was return to us with a bite taken out of it. The area was still wet. We do not know if it was child or beast that took the bite. We had to throw it away regardless.

*We had to bake almost all our DVD cases because we found two with bed bug eggs in them.

*A woman printed out some color pictures and asked if I could check to make sure they came out. I picked up the stack and the first one on top was of an angry-looking woman with her tits out. My surprise must have been pretty evident because the woman I was helping immediately turned red and told me they were for a court case.

*Like everywhere else in this god-forsaken country, homeschooling has been on the rise in these parts. As such, we get parents all the time coming in with printed copies of the curriculum they chose and asking if we have the books recommended by them. Whatever we don't have, we can usually get through inter library loan, but the catch with that is you can only have five going at a time. One day, we had a mother come in with a list of three hundred books her curriculum recommended, and she had us check out catalogue for all of them. Branson started helping her, but her shift ended in the middle of it, so I had to do the rest. It took forever, and we ended up only having about fifty of them because I guess this homeschooling curriculum hasn't been updated since the mid-2000s. To her credit, the mother was very exasperated with homeschooling in general and knows that her daughter doesn't want to do it anymore. Her husband is adamant that their kid not go to public school, however. I fought every urge to say that was fine for him to say when he clearly wasn't doing a goddamn thing to help her.

*There's a patron that comes in whom we know nothing about except that he's had multiple heart attacks and has massive anxiety about potentially having another. We know this because he tells us every time the library gets too loud for him, because he believes the noise will somehow "trigger" another heart attack. Normally, we would have no problem with that; heart attacks are scary, he has every right to be anxious about it and request quiet spots to hang out. However, the problem is that he takes it upon himself to police other patrons in the library who he thinks are being too loud near him. Some children were nearby, working on a puzzle and started getting a little rambunctious, and the dude yelled at the top of his voice for them to shut up and get away from him. We had to speak louder for a patron who was hard of hearing, and the death glare he gave us was chilling. He snaps at anyone who forgets to shut the sound off on their phone. The director finally had to tell him he can't harass patrons and to tell us if he has a problem with someone's volume. He's been better behaved since then, but any time we see him, we're instantly worried he's gonna flip out again.

*A little boy in a wheelchair came in with his family, and my god, that kid could zip around fast. His mom mentioned that she forgot to grab a book for his sister, so he rolled into the kid's area to grab it for her. He was back faster than a patron who could just walk in. And you could tell he was very proud of that fact.

*Shae gave me a Sylveon card about a year ago, and I wear it laminated on my lanyard (because I was originally gonna hang it from my rearview mirror but forgot). It's always a big hit with kids. One little girl, however, liked it so much she asked if she could have it. I chuckled and told her sorry, it was a gift from a friend. She merely replied, "no, I want it" and started making a grab for it. Luckily, she was on the other side of the counter and couldn't reach it, but it was still weird. Especially because her mother was right there and made no move to stop or reprimand her.

*My coworker Branson had to clean...something off the bathroom floor one night. She's adamant it wasn't poop, but also said it was so dried out she had to use a putty knife to scrape it off. Our best guess is vomit.

*I was working on a display at the desk and a little black girl came up to watch me work. We chatted for a little, her asking me all the usual little kid questions. Eventually, she asked me if I had kids. I said no, I liked being an auntie better. Plus, I wasn't married, so I couldn't have kids. She thought for a moment, then said "why don't you just buy one?" Branson was nearby and I heard her choke on a laugh. I was pretty close to losing it myself, and said, "I don't think it's very nice to buy a person." Luckily, her dad came up and they left shortly after, so Branson and I could finally laugh about it.

*A patron and his family got taken to court for not returning almost $200 worth of books and DVDS, after ignoring the four warnings we give people before we actually take that step (because at that point you're actively stealing city property). The patron was ordered by a judge to either bring the items to court or pay to replace them, so he brought them to the courthouse. The clerk was going to take them and the whole thing would have been over and done...except he wouldn't give them to her without a library employee present. He never gave a real reason except he was concerned the clerk would "do something" with the items. So without contacting the library or judge the clerk told him he could bring the books directly to the library. When the judge found out what she'd done, he called the library and told us what was happening, and to hopefully expect the guy in there that night. Predictably, we haven't seen him. This was almost a month ago.

*Branson got a phone call from the county jail, which is actually pretty common for libraries. Patrons get arrested and want to make sure their accounts are clear so they don't potentially get into further trouble with outstanding items. Branson goes through all the hold music and questions to finally get the patron on the line...and he'd dialed the wrong number. Branson felt so bad for him.

*A guy came in to use the computers. Donna was getting him set up, sitting at the desk, so she can only see him from about his torso up. He ended up needing help printing something, so I help him, and finally see the sidearm he's got in a holster on his belt. I tell him the library doesn't allow firearms of any kind, no, I do not care that he has a conceal carry, he can't have a weapon in a municipal building. He's kinda testy about it, asking why we don't have a sign. I tell him we do. He had to walk by it to get in the building. In fact, we have one at all three entrances. He smugly asks me to show him, because he didn't see them. Me, petty bitch that I am, make this fucker walk to all three entrances and show him each sign, then tell him as politely as I can to get rid of the gun before he comes back in. He huffily complies.

*I came into work one day and the director immediately called me to the back. He informed me that a couple was having a loud, angry argument on the patio outside the kid's area, and they called the cops for a wellness check because the woman sounded to be in legit distress. Like, rocking back and forth and screaming swears distress. Cop comes and presumably sends them on their way. We don't know for sure because he came, went out to talk to them, and just...left.

*A guy came in to pick up an inter library loan, and when Branson asked for his card, he said he didn't have one. Like, he wasn't a patron. Never mind how the hell he managed to get a fulfilled ILL without one. Branson informs him he has to get a card before he can check out the book, but it's going to cost him $15 since he lives outside city limits. He tries to pay with a check made out to him from someone else. We tell him that won't work. He leaves to get cash, but then immediately turns around and asks if he can just buy the book. I tell him no, since a) it's not our book to sell and b) we're not in the habit of selling books in the collection anyway. I ask if he'd like me to find it on Amazon for him, and he says no. He leaves and doesn't come back. Bonnie sent the ILL back, and we haven't seen him since.

*A lot of our patrons have conspiracy theory brain rot, so you can only imagine the fanciful tales we heard about the emergency test signal. There were theories it would "activate the nanites" in the covid vaccine and either kill everyone who got one or turn them into liberal zombies. My director had someone 100% seriously call it "the Satan signal". It would have been funny if it weren't so stupid.

[animehouse-moe]

How I'm Tracking My Manga Reading Backlog

I'm bad at keeping up with reading sometimes. I'll read newer releases while still forgetting about some, want to re-read something even though I haven't started on another series, and leave droves of titles sitting on my shelves staring at me.

I got tired of that, and also tired of all these different tracking websites and apps that don't do what I want. So, with Notion and a few other tools, I've set out to make my own, and I like it! So I thought, hey, why not share how I'm doing it and see how other people keep track of their lists, so that's why I'm here. Enough rambling though, let me lead you through why I decided to make my own.

So, the number 1 challenge: Automation. In truth, it's far from perfect and is the price I pay for being lazy. But, I can automate a significant chunk of the adding process. I've yet to find a proper way to go from barcode scanning on my phone to my reading list, but I can go pretty easily from an amazon listing to the reading list. With it I grab: title, author, publisher, page count, and cover image.

So what do I use?

Well, it's a funky and interesting thing called 'Bardeen' that allows you to scrape webpages (among other things), collect and properly structure the desired information, and then feed it right into your Notion database. It's a little odd to try and figure out at first, but it's surprisingly intuitive in how it works! Once you have your template setup, you just head to the webpage (I've found Amazon the best option) and hit the button for the scraper you've built, and it puts it into Notion.

It saves an inordinate amount of time in populating fields by hand, and with the help of templates from Notion, means that the only fields left "empty" are the dated fields for tracking reading.

Thanks to Bardeen, the hardest (and really only) challenge is basically solved. Not "as" simple as a barcode, but still impressively close. Now, since the challenge is out of the way, how about some fun stuff?

Data visualization is incredibly fun for all sorts of people. Getting to see a breakdown of all the little pieces that make up your reading habits is very interesting. Sadly, Notion doesn't have the ability to build charts from your own databases, so you need a tool.

The one I ended up settling on was 'Grid.is', as it has a "direct" integration/embed with Notion.

Sure, it has its own "limitations", but they pose absolutely zero concern as to how I want to set up my own data visualization. You can have (as far as I know) an unlimited number of graphs/charts on a single page, and you can choose to embed that page as a single entity, or go along and embed them as independent links. Either way, the graphs are really great and there's a lot of customization and options in regards to them. Also, incredibly thankful for the fact that there's an AI assistant to create the charts for you. The way that Notion data's read in is horrendous, so the AI makes it infinitely easier than what it appears as at first.

And yes, all those little popups and hover behaviors are preserved in the embeds.

Well, I suppose rather than talking about the tertiary tools, I should talk about what I'm doing with Notion itself, no?

Alright, so, like all Notion pages it starts with a database. It's the central core to keeping track of data and you can't do without it. Of course, data is no good if you can't have it properly organized, so how do I organize it?

With tags, of course! I don't have a massive amount of tags in place for the database, but I am considering adding more in terms of genre and whatnot. Regardless, what I have for the entries currently is: Title, Reading Status (TBR, Reading, Read, etc.), Author, Format (manga or LN), Date Started, Date Completed, Pages, and Publisher.

In addition to those "displayed" tags, I have two tertiary fields. The first is an image link so that entries can display an image in the appropriate view. The second, and a bit more of a pain, is a formula field used to create a proper "title" field so that Notion can sort effectively (they use lexicographic, so numbers end up sorted as letters instead). This is the poorly optimized Notion formula I used, as I don't have much experience with how they approach stuff like this. It just adds a leading zero to numbers less than 10 so that it can be properly sorted.

Of course this list view isn't my default view though, the calendar from the top of this post is. Most of the time though, I don't have it set to the monthly view, but rather weekly. Following up that view though, I've got my "up next" tab. This tab's meant to track all the titles/entries that I'm about to read. Things I'm planning to read today, tomorrow, or the day after. Sorta a three day sliding window to help me keep on top of the larger backlog and avoid being paralyzed by choice. It's also the only view that uses images currently.

Following that, I've got my "To Be Read" gallery. I wanted to use a kanban board but notion will only display each category as a single column, so I chose this view instead, which makes it much easier to get a better grasp of what's in the list. I've been considering adding images to this view, but I need to toy around with it some more. Either way, the point is to be able to take a wider look at what I've got left in my TBR and where I might go next.

So overall, I've ordered these views (though the list view I touch on "first" is actually the last of the views) in order from "most recent" to "least recent", if that makes any sense. Starting with where I've finished, moving to where I go next, what I have left, and then a grouping of everything for just in case.

It's certainly far from a perfect execution on a reading list/catalogue, but I think personally speaking that it checks off basically all of the boxes I required it to, and it gives me all the freedom that I could ever want - even if it means I have to put in a bit of elbow grease to make things work.

[fizzingwizard]

Well I'm back... I took an unexpected four day Internet break because my router broke down. At least that's what I think happened.

At first I thought I'd used too much wifi (I had a cheap-o plan that always got throttled after watching like one long video on Youtube lol), but the speed was way, waaaaaay slower than any limit I've been hit with in the past. I couldn't load any website without hitting refresh about a hundred times and then it would load in pieces, and if it had video or images (like youtube or tumblr) it was 100% a no go. Couldn't even log into email. If I finally reached the login page, the signal would be lost while sending through my credentials, and then it'd be an hour before the page would load for me to try again... Absolutely nightmarish

Anyway, it couldn't have been the throttling. Then I thought maybe it was some kind of maintenance in my area?? Because I'm never had a problem here before in six years. Or someone who moved in was a real wifi hog...? But even that seemed impossible. Again, never experienced anything like it...

But it just seemed so weird that it could be hardware issue! Because I took my router (which was a portable kind) to work with me twice, and it worked just fine out that way. Only in my apartment it refused to move faster than a snail. I really thought it had to be a signal issue.

Conveniently, I also don't have a working phone right now. I was planning to use the internet to buy a new one on an installment plan... and then lost internet bahahah. So I couldn't call my ISP about the problem either.

So today, day five of no internet, I took the router to a store that sells the same plan, and they had no idea either (even after calling the ISP themselves), but thought it must be the hardware. And although I was a little skeptical, they did confirm that the signal should be fine in my area, and they also told me about new plans that cost the same as my old one but are waaay better. No throttling!!! Of course I was sold on that haha. I love the idea of actually being able to use the internet in the evenings during "peak" hours (still can't quite believe it... this is my first week to test it so fingers crossed!). So even if they'd been able to fix my old router, I guess I'd have bought this new one anyway.

It took three hours to get it though. Partly because I'm a foreigner and the order of my name and my middle name scared them haha. But they were super nice and helpful to me the whole time and took care of everything. I came home, plugged everything in, and voila, perfect internet. I got a non-portable unit this time because it's got a lot more power. I had the portable one originally because my job involved a lot of traveling, but I left that job years ago and just kept the portable router because it still worked, and my habit is to keep things until they literally fall apart on me xP I'm very much hoping to be amazed by what the non-portable one can do...

Dunno how I'm gonna make it through the backlog on my dash but I'm so happy to be online again~

[artsy-hobbitses]

Can we ask Character questions here or should we go over to the TTB page by the way!!!

And I remember when you were doing those daily schedule of your characters!! May we have one for Drift and Ratch (You may have already done Ratch but Idk @.@“)

All questions meant to be answered in-character should be directed to TTB's main page, yes! This account is for Mun Questions only.

That said, please refrain from sending in character questions for now! I'm currently figuring out a way to respond to them that isn't going to gutpunch me with the amount of art it might require (If I have to choose between character sheets/narrative-based art versus art to answer questions with the limited time I have, I will unfortunately have to pick the first), and isn't just text at this point (I'm debating using Vtuber-style avatars, and am working on some for the ones who get the most questions).

If you find that I've started to reply to questions with that format, then yes, feel free to send them in! (I have a backlog currently).

I have indeed done one for Ratchet, but I can't find it currently, it's likely somewhere in the "save for later" tag which you can explore on my page 8U

As for Drift!

7.00am: Up, breakfast

7.30am: Meditation and morning workout in the grounds

9.00am: Back, shower, tending to Bonsai plants

9.30am: Please stop screaming at him, he knows you're upset but he can't help you if you don't use words, ghostly ones, and please take a number.

10.00am: Check in on Ratchet, makes sure the doc is on his morning break/has remembered to eat

10.30am: A spectral-induced migraine will NOT help him help you, sir, how about we practice mindfulness and you can tell him about the people who wronged you that you need killed so you can pass into the afterlife? He makes no promises, he's…ahaha…left that life behind, but he's sure there can be a compromise!

10.45am: Heads down to work with weapons upkeep (he's in charge of making sure the bladed ones are properly calibrated)

12:00pm: Training session divided between general upkeep and bladework with Sergio/Sideswipe and Wariko/Windblade 3.00pm: Post-training session checkup at Ratchet, coffee in hand because you need it, Ron.

3.30pm: Mid-afternoon green tea with Wariko

4:00pm: Sit-in with Prowl and Jazz to discuss current reports of Decepticon movement, which he offers his expertise on as an ex-member

5.30pm: Meditation on the grounds (it sounds cliche but when you have Dead People up the wazoo begging and demanding for favours or just to be heard, you NEED to know how to clear your head), feeding the local crows (who have claimed him as Their Person, same way pigeons have taken to OP)

6.15pm: Helping out in the kitchen (his knife skills are unmatched)

7.00pm: Dinner

8.30pm: Supply run with the Lambros as additional backup

9.45pm: 'Psychopomp' hour, where he just disappears off to GOD KNOWS WHERE around town to 'take care of unfinished business' for the day (no murders, promise. Maybe kneecaps. Just a little bit)

10.45pm: Drinks at Swerve's

11.30pm: Checking in with HotRod (the kid's got a lot of a demons)

11.45pm: Passed the fuck out (Dealing with Dead People is more mentally exhausting than it looks)

2.00am: Check in on Ratchet DOC YOU BETTER BE READY FOR BED

2.15pm: Back to sleep

[danggirlronpa]

Merch Monday comes 'round once again!

[Obligatory Ko-fi Link Because This Is A Post Where I Spent Real Person Money]

As always I forgot to do this several times, so there's plenty of backlog from this last month to get through. The Seasons of Despair zine came in today, and I've only got enough time to do one of these. So we'll hit the zine today, and everything else tomorrow!

So: Seasons of Despair!

TLDR; Aesthetically excellent! No major issues except the exclusion of some characters in the art, some more notable than others.

This is a "zine" only insomuch as it's creation project - actually, it's a calendar for 2024! It's more general than ship, so normally I wouldn't really cover it on this blog. But some of the merch is really cute, and I just think the whole project is a really cool idea!

I got the paper bundle, because I simply cannot justify to myself spending more than $50 on a zine except for, like, the DR WLW Zine, which I am legally and morally obligated to gather all of like a dragon with its hoard. That means none of the pins or charms.

EDIT: They've asked people not post the inside of the calendar, so the image that was here has been removed! If the stance changes it will be reinserted.

The actual calendar itself is just fine! Nothing special about the make. The art is all gorgeous. The birthday listings and the art around the bottom half are really nice touches - I lost most of those polls on Twitter, but I'm glad my girl Komaru made it. They managed to get almost every character with a canon birthday on the monthly art too (sorry Miaya)!

I have a total of two (2) issues with the calendar.

1. Jack isn't anywhere in this, even though Toko shows up multiple times, and their birthday is only listed under Toko. Which. Bummer. (Izuru is also just listed under Hajime, but he shows up in other art throughout the zine.)

2. There's a full THH spread, a major char UDG spread, and two full SDR2 spreads, but no V3 spread. The closest is ten characters, which isn't 16, and which has several characters mostly blocked behind others or barely visible. They all still get their faces on their birthday in the calendar itself, of course! But it's a bummer that the only sight of Angie, Ryoma, and Korekiyo is the back of their heads.

Other than that, I'm very happy with this! I'll be using it throughout the year, so we'll see very quickly if it holds up.

The little cherry stickers and this stretch goal print are the main reason I bought the paper merch instead of just the calendar! These both feature art by @axolotllotl, who is a blog favorite. The stickers are actually the shinier of the two, and are notably higher quality than the other sticker pages that came with the zine. We won't be going over the other stickers, but they're just more paper-y - you can tell a lot of care was put into these! (Not that I won't be using the other stickers. You KNOW I'm putting that heart eyes Monokuma in a strategic location.)

& I LOOOVE the print. It's actually on lower quality material than the stickers and the calendar, but that's not a bad thing! Every piece of this zine has slightly different quality, I assume for manufacturing reasons. There are no defects and the art is gorgeous - I love the way she draws Kyoko, it's so cute.

Generally, I'm pretty happy with this! It'll definitely see the most active use of any zines I own, especially since this blog celebrates the girls' birthdays. We'll see how it holds up long term!

[snaillamp]

I liked thattt hehehe cutest nickname I've ever got

How much gore can you stand in writing? I know you're studying to be paramedic, but with time, I noticed it's just different as text and looking at it through screen. I can barely stand to see dissection in person, but reading it (often through medical mysteries involving ER and detailed autopsies or operations) is another matter. I can just read it through pages or watch a very visual show. Just not that smell, lol (see? Squishy is just as crazy as you. And i warn you, i will bite. Love bites with my two vampire teeth.) Anyway, and will we ever get those kinds of food writing?

Oooo ok so. Real life, love gore. I freak people out when I say this but the property my family owned for a long time used to be a goat farm. I’d play with goat skulls for ages as a kid. My uncle is also a very Austrian farmer and would literally butcher anything he could eat for dinner. My dad was a biology teacher in a high school for years and as a kid I’d dissect any dead things I found for fun. I actually found two dead fliddler rays at the beach yesterday and had an awesome time looking at them.

I also lovvvve dissecting stuff at uni (you’re right about it the smell tho that shit stinks) it’s so fun I have so many pictures of my dissections on my phone. I also had leg surgery as a kid and one of my scars went necrotic, that was fun. I got to stick my fingers in rotting, black flesh to apply silver nitrate cream :,) ahhh memories

In whump, I don’t really write as much gore, cause I don’t really write stories like that much. However, for a few months now I’ve been working on the origin of Enjar, and telling the story of how he got his scars. I wouldn’t say it’s massively gorey, but hoooooo boy it gets gross. Also the medical malpractice is soooo bad in that story poor En is gonna go through it.

I do have multiple stories in progress and a ton of backlog I just haven’t had the time or energy to edit, but some of it is gorey. I do wanna write some really gorey stuff, which I’ll do when I get around to writing Cameron and Keh-yah again. Keh-yah is tortured terribly it’s gonna get gorey.

The only thing I will never write is a plane crash. My aunt was killed in one, and there was one that impacted my community pretty badly this year, and really put me off writing whump for a while hence the lack of updates (I am writing again I just haven’t edited shit lmao). It just doesn’t feel right to do plane crashes. I might write one eventually, maybe as a tribute to her or The Long Dark (fucken great video game btw) but it’ll be a while, idk. Also I’ve said before I’d never base a story off my patients that I end up having cause that’s super fucked up to do. Ethically that’s so gross

But I’m super into gore otherwise, and would love to write more :)))

[redfoxdiary]

How to art with Adhd

This is something i've realized is difficult. Any job is difficult with Adhd. Staying on task is hard enough, task switching, and prioritizing is also difficult. There is so much to do, and so much that can be done. There is always something to do and Adhd brains put it in the all important or none...or wrong priority order entirely. Doing things daily is something that I found I can do for a few months at a time for a certain duration before it slips...and usually stays gone.

Im trying to get back into doing art and potentially making my own business out of it, which requires much self discipline...something that is tricky. What im going to try to do is create a backlog. Make lists of things that I want to get done, but give really general or long timespans to achieve these things. E.g monthly or even yearly. Not sure if this will work, but trying something is better than trying nothing. At least for me.

Remember ADHD has weaknesses for sure, but...it also has strengths, remember that time when you had to cram for school, a test, an exam...you got distracted an left it until the last minute, then by some miracle you passed or even did well? That time when you blitz cleaned your house because you were guilty and your parents were coming to visit the next day? Yeah, those moments. Some people, neurotypicals even...might spend months of daily self-disciplined study and still not achieve those things. They might cram and forget to do the one thing that was most important to get done. Believe and trust in your own intelligence. We have lived our lives falling, and learning to catch ourself, to keep up with the rest of the neurotypicals around us. We've learned how to catch up usually very quickly and in as little time as possible if we fall behind. Out of necessity. We had very good deductive reasoning and learn very quickly. E.g you got called on by the teacher/boss to answer a question at work/school. You have literally a few seconds to figure out what is going on because you weren't paying attention, you see what page other people are on in their books, or you look at the board to get context clues, you remember the last topic you were all talking about and go from there. If you still can't find the right answer or question, you might probe a little more, reach out for the extra context clues you're missing give a thoughtful "Hmmmm" even an "im not sure" or "I was just wondering/thinking about that" and depending on the reaction you might be able to then deduce where everyone is at. You can then catch yourself up to speed. You not only just learned the information you missed out on while you were distracted or zoning out, but also ways, tools and tricks on how to catch yourself, and catch up in future...the more tools you learn, the faster you become at using them. Even the "weaknesses" can become strengths depending on how you look at it. I might hyperfocus on research about one particular aspect of art, or get distracted and watch videos on art which then turns into videos on gaming or cooking...again though...is that really a loss? One day I might want to draw food, and i'll use that information as reference, or maybe I might want to do pixel art and 3D graphics and watching youtubers playing a game will show me what they most enjoy, and how they navigate a space, what they're drawn to explore, where there eyes are attracted to, what evokes emotions from them about what they're seeing. For me, I treat everything as a learning experience, and no knowledge is useless knowledge. Just because I am not using it right now, doesn't mean that I will never need it. There's absolutely no way I could possibly ever know that its useless and i'll never need or want to use it :)