#I've not been tired all day despite being on barely any sleep... gonna try and get through it but if I nap I nap I guess...

[fantasticcloudcreation]

I'm just rambling, trying to kill time until bossman says I can leave lol

It's almost 8, I only have to be here for another 2-3 hours, I haven't had to do a single iota of work and I'm getting a full day's pay just for being here which is so silly but I think I can hold out. I'm in my hammock and it's fine. I've been smoking too many cigs and drinking too much water, I have to pee again but it's such a pain climbing out from under this silly stage so I'm trying to wait as long as possible. The pyro makes me jump every time it goes off.

I have a margarita waiting for me in the hotel fridge, I think we're out of weed but maybe I can scrounge up a bowl or something from the leftovers.

Yesterday was a really good skinny day, laying around the hotel naked with L feeling the best I've felt about my body in a long time despite eating way too much the past couple days.

Less than a week til we leave here, I'll miss hanging out with him but I'm so ready for this gig to be over. Not sure if I'm gonna go to the next one based on how this one has gone but it's also hard to turn down work, we'll see how it goes.

I'm just tired of existing. Bad moods don't last forever, stop clinging to it, just be here with L and enjoy his presence bc I know I'll miss him after this. Not really sure how this relationship is gonna unfold in the future but it's been nice being here with him. I feel bad for being in a bad mood so many days in a row but he's been really sweet about it.

Grateful that I can just lay in my hammock right now but frustrated and bored of this gig.

How to get over a bad mood? Gratitude normally helps. Grateful for this stupid job and all its ups and downs. I've barely done any work since I've been here and I'm gonna walk away with like $2+ at the end of it. 14,3 in the bank rn but I still have to pay my credit card. Grateful for L and his sweet presence and all our little moments together.

Bad feelings are creeping in: not good enough, not interesting or pleasant to be around, what's the point of me being here, no one would notice or care if I disappeared... Not good enough, not good at anything, not good enough to be working here, not good enough to have friends, not good enough to interact with people in general. Just a black hole of toxic energy.

How to overcome the bad feelings? Idk. I don't even feel like it right now, I feel like wallowing in my negative energy.

Realistically nothing matters and I just have to make it thru this gig. Go visit family after this, hug my parents. Maybe tomorrow will have a magically better mood. Maybe I'll just blow up my life again and start over. Maybe it never really gets better. Maybe it's really not that bad. Nothing fucking matters.

Maybe I'll go walk up and down the stairs at catering just to get some cardio or something. Maybe I'll do some calisthenics with the scaff under the stage. Maybe I'll just sit here and zone out for the next 2 hours.

Margaritas waiting for me at the hotel. L will sit outside with me all night and hold me if I ask him to. I was thinking I needed to sleep alone tonight but I just want to be held. I'm such a weak bitch. I feel like I'm not even good enough for him even though he's the sweetest most reassuring man I've ever met. I just feel like these bad moods get in the way of everything I want in life.

Peace love joy beauty freedom. Even though this hasn't been the best gig, the next one might be better. This gig sucked last year too and I thought about quitting the industry and here we are again! Maybe I'll skip this one next year and get a seasonal spot at a ski resort. (I said that last year.) No expectations, I'm just here, everything is fine. Load out will be quick and easy and I can get through it.

I'm literally just sitting here watching the minutes pass until I can get out of here. But you know what? People are having fun out there and I'm glad for them. The stage looks amazing even though I can't bring myself to stand out there and watch it lol.

This DJ is playing a remix of a song but someone earlier in the day also played a remix of this same song on this same stage and I think that's hilarious (unless it was this guys soundcheck that I heard earlier?idek)

Sorry for being such a whiny bitch rn. I'm calming down. I got real dark earlier and now I'm just surrendering to the feelings and it's less intense. I can just sit here and do nothing and get paid for it. This isn't my vibe here and I don't have to force myself to have fun if I don't want to. Going forward, I should seek out more opportunities that match my vibe + skills, but it's fine. One step at a time. The journey continues. This is just like, a swampy part of the trail, it's real muddy and mushy, but the trail will continue and there will be more pleasant scenic spots along the way. More mud, too, it's inevitable, it's all part of the journey, just try to enjoy the ride. I'm fine. I'm going to survive. I'm allowed to have bad moods. This gig is cursed and everyone is having their own reaction to it. Next year I'll skip it and I'll diversify my work opportunities so I can do something that actually feels fulfilling.

My phone is down to 46% and it's 8:40 so I'm gonna go pee and try to relax and it's all gonna be ok, we're almost done here, I can do it. No one cares if I'm in a bad mood just stop being so toxic about it. Relax and let people love you. L is gonna hug me so good later and I'm gonna let him. Everything is fine.

[lost-fox116]

THIS POST HAS A TRIGGER WARNING, DEPRESSION AND LIFE IN GENERAL

Normally I ramble on these, and wow two posts in a short while, that's crazy for me. But I really don't know what to think anymore. I mentioned before going on a date, that date never happened, she got called into work that day, and I spent several hours hoping she'd get off work for the date but she didn't in time for the movie. Now she barely talks, and I get it, she's working and has a entirely different schedule then I do.

Starting a new paragraph so I don't keep on that subject. Anyway I have been trying hard to get my life under control, been trying to save up money, lose weight and overall be more happy, none of that is happening, and I'm to tired all the time to try to fix it. My mental health has always been really poor, what with my non-existent self esteem and self deprecating nature.

Now to get to the meat of this post, the reason I am making it. Like many others in this world, I am depressed, it's not a self diagnosis, it's been diagnosed by a few therapists. Each one I've been to has been just trying to shove pills down my throat, instead of listening to what I was saying.

I don't really have any friends, my nearest one is in a different state and barely ever talks to me, and while I call them friends, the other people I talk to online are just faceless words and voices with no real reason to care about me other then the fact that I joined their group online.

I don't even know why I made this post, and I'm gonna post it regardless cause I guess this is my one, and only platform where no one knows me, which means I can be myself without putting on a mask to hide how I truly feel. Before anyone asks or says anything, no I'm not going to off myself, I know the impact that has on families, and I respect mine to much to do that to them.

This won't be my last post on this app, but it'll be the last one that'll be this long. I can't make another one this long, or longer than this one. And especially not about this topic, my own helplessness as I spiral further down depression. Cause if I did, I don't know if I could hold back any more.

Now this was a heavy post, and I can't sleep despite being up for over 17 hours, so I am gonna see if anyone in the groups I'm in wants to voice call on discord while I make my way through a game. Till next time peoples of Tumblr, have a good day or good night depending on where you are.

[rain-in-the-clouds]

I don't normally vent on this blog, despite it being my main, mostly I just try and share what I love and whatnot. But like so many my age, older and younger, I have a love/obsession/hatred of tiktok.

It's a fun app that can be so nice and a great place to build community, have fun and be silly. But my fucking gods, that is not what its like 99.99999% of the time. And no I know I'm no one special in saying any of this. But I gotta vent, and at least here I can scream into the void knowing if anyone is gonna scream back it's gonna be about something completely different and probably about cats, food, boobs, or Fandom, and honestly that's what makes this the best site.

Anyways, I've struggled with anxiety for the majority of my life, depression as a side helping, and a medley of other things. About six months before the pandemic my anxiety skyrocketed, I started having massive panic attacks every day multiple times a day. At one point it felt like I was just existing through the day to eventually deal with a night filled with the feelings of death.

It was awful, I was barely living.

This is a tangent, but if anyone knows the song Overkill by Colin Hay, I used to sing that song a lot as a kid, like 6-7 years old singing that song, one day to gorw up living the life the song depicts. The lyrics that stick with me: "I can't get to sleep. I worry over situations I know will be alright. Day after day it reapers, night after night my heart beat shows the fear."

It was night after night after night, months went by like this. By middle of 2020 I was.... I wasn't ok. A way I had helped myself during that time, before I got some help and the meds I need, I would use tiktok. Now I'd use its worst attributes to my gain.

It's short form content and use of short attention spans was, especially in the moment, very helpful for subduing (most of the time it just delayed the panic attack) but my goal was never to outright stop the panic attacks, cus I had no way to do that, but to distract my brain long enough to get tired and pass out. It worked for a good while. It especially worked for stopping an attack right as it was starting.

Fast forward to now. Just like prior to the panic attacks I use tiktok to have fun, goof around and see cool stuff, (don't get me wrong I'm all about activism, and I use tiktok like any other for that too, but that's for when I'm in a good place mentally) but now, idk it's like I've let it corrupt me. The past year especially, I've gotten into more arguments in tiktok comments then I've gotten into arguments irl, doesn't matter if the argument was valid or not or even worth arguing over.

And I know it's the internet, nothing stays innocent forever, yes I know. But what I'm saying is tiktok in particular has somehow become more toxic then the majority or surface level internet. To me, it seems like it's trying to become the next 4chan more then the next tumblr. And I had hopes that it was heading in the direction of this hellsite, the Fandom elements there, book lovers, science, all of it: seriously seeing people ask ScienceTok, or BookTok, just makes me flashback to the days of "Science side of tumblr what does xyz mean?"

But no, instead we get the love child of vine and 4chan, it's half cousin-brother reddit somehow looks better next to tiktok.

It's dumb, it really is, cus yes the simple answer is, get off tiktok. But it's not simple, my livelihood relies on social media, for many reasons, like many people. The answer I've been going with is limiting myself on time spent, and I've been successful, I go a week or two without even opening the app, then hop on to check in, post and get a good laugh. But somehow, even if it's just one day, it has the power, (that I give it by gods) to suck me in and make me mad at something, even if it is something to be mad about, doesn't mean it's something I have to let get so under my skin it causes this to happen, (the this being moving to my og site and venting my woes)

It's just such a disappointment. At least I'll always have tumblr.

[dokoni-mo]

She Truly Was || Muzan Kibustsuji x F!Reader

Summary: Enmu helps Muzan remember you.

SFW // Fluff with small amounts of Angst

Word Count: 4626

WARNINGS: *slight Mugen Train spoilers*, slight mentions of implied sexual activity, obsessive(?) behavior, Muzan is soft for one person only, some angst, mentions of injury, mentions of blood, I also barely proofread this lol

A/N: I've had this in my head for a while and decided to write it down. This is largely just a compilation of scenarios I made in my head to fall asleep at night when I was stressing over exams and stuff, all loosely thrown together with a plot. This is my first time writing for demon slayer, so please be patient! I also am basing a lot of my info about the characters on s1 of the anime, some of the manga, and the wiki. I apologize if something isn't accurate. tldr; I just think he's neat.

~~

Despite having lived through thousands of years with hundreds of stormy nights in the midst, Muzan Kibutsuji never learned to appreciate them.

Something about nights like those in Japan just never sat right with the demon. It wasn't that they were too dreary, not at all. Life as a demon was plenty dreary. On the other hand, it wasn't that they were to lively either. No one ever went out on stormy nights; demon or not. Perhaps it was just because the rain was another reminder of the singularity that was being a demon. The poignant pitter patter just seemed to have a way of whispering to whoever heard it, telling them the most unpleasant yet quiet truths of their lives.

After Muzan's bloody meeting with the lower moons, he had told Enmu his task Muzan had planned for the pitiful, weaker demon. Although he had doubts that Enmu could hear him over the sound of the weaker demon's screams of pain from the blood he gave, Muzan was pleasantly surprised when Enmu understood the orders the first time around. Seeing as though it would cause trouble if the lower moon started to go around bragging about his newfound power and job, Muzan decided it would be best to keep a crimson eye on the demon.

This is what led to the scene before Muzan now.

Muzan had taken Enmu back to one of his many properties scattered across Japan, this one being tucked away in a lush, quiet forest in the middle of seemingly nowhere. The lower moon had not said a word throughout the entire journey there, and still refused to say anything now. Most likely out of fear.

Although it had been a long day of wrangling the lesser worms he called pawns (or "moons" if he was generous), Muzan did not want to show any weakness towards Enmu by resting. To busy himself, Muzan decided to do the tedious work the humans have him do in the job he took to please his human wife.

That insufferable woman.

With his bowler hat placed on his desk, Muzan had taken a seat in his large, leather chair, ordering Enmu to stand at the edge of the desk and face the opposite way. And, for extra edge, he was not to say or do anything.

It had been about two hours since then. The room was filled with only the sounds of Muzan's writing and the ticking of the grandfather clock in the corner.

Although he ordered it to be that way, Muzan was already sick of it.

Peering his red eyes up from the papers scrawled below him, Muzan fixated his bone-chilling gaze upon the back of Enmu's head. Muzan could see the corners of the lower moon's mouth turned upwards as he faced the wall, presenting himself with an expression of dumb content.

Freak.

Enmu was definately a curious specimen. So eager to die, yet so eager to please Muzan. The demon lord would have been confused if he were not who he was.

Perhaps it was his own boredom setting in, perhaps it was because he wanted to feed his already gargantuan ego, or perhaps it was just because he was tired, Muzan decided to speak up.

"Tell me," Muzan said, his deep, smooth voice making Enmu perk up slightly, "Why is it that are you so loyal to me?"

Enmu took this as an opportunity to finally move, but not without some caution. The lower demon only turned his neck towards Muzan, along with a tilt of his shoulder. Muzan noted the disobedience of orders, but decided to let it slide this time.

The rain must have told him to be generous that night.

"Why, Master Kibustsuji," Enmu said, a faint blush adorning his cheeks, "It is because I am so delighted to be in your presence, and have my power be of service to you."

The demon lord felt his jaw clench at this, his red eyes peering up at the lower moon from under his abyssal lashes. Although Enmu had an... odd, way of putting things, Muzan always did like it when someone stroked his ego, even if all they ever said was the same banter over and over again. He was nearly perfection, afterall.

Muzan sat quietly and pondered Enmu's response for a second, before formulating his own.

"Your power, as you put it," Muzan said, his voice firm, "What is it?"

Enmu's grin widened, "Dream Manipulation, Master. I can enter, manipulate, or control anyone's dreams however I want to. I can use it to kill from the inside, eating a person spirit first and body second. I can also put people to sleep."

Muzan wasn't necessarily impressed by this, but he wasn't disappointed either. An ordinary power, really. Nothing that could ever rival his own.

However...

Muzan's gaze flickered down to the surface of his desk. A flicker of a long lost yet not forgotten feeling bubbled deep inside of his being. A mere spark of light, really, a piece of warmth he felt from long ago, lost to the wayside by the vestiges of time.

It was something Muzan thought he would never experience again.

Dream manipulation, huh?

It might be worth a try.

Muzan looked back up to Enmu, sharpening his gaze, "Tell me, are you able to give... pleasant dreams?"

Enmu was surprised to hear this come from Muzan to say the absolute least. He took this as another opportunity to disobey orders and turn to Muzan again, this time fully and whole-heartedly. The lower moon looked right into those blood red eyes, looking for any sign of a rare flicker of humor or joking.

Muzan's gaze was serious, poised as ever.

Muzan was being for real.

Taking a pause to swallow, Enmu allowed his soft smirk to return to his gray, pale face.

"Why," the lower moon retorted, "I can, Master, yes."

Muzan eyed the lesser demon for a good second at his response.

This move was risky. It could damage his image. Yet, if he was to do this with any of his pawns, he would do it with Enmu. Enmu seemed to have no intent on harming Muzan or his image in any way; he was far too loyal for that.

Besides, if someone were to question the might of Muzan, he could just prove them wrong.

Muzan leaned back in his chair, crossing one leg over the other and lacing his fingers together, wrapping them around his knee. His icy gaze still on Enmu, he spoke again.

"I wish to see a pleasant dream."

Muzan nearly rolled his eyes when he saw just how wide Enmu's grin had gotten and just how flushed his face got.

It was repulsive.

But, if it meant what Muzan thought it would mean...

It was worth stomaching.

After a breif moment used to compose himself, Enmu's smile faded to normal again. He pulled up the sleeves to his coat.

"I will give you a dream where you will experience the happiest days of your life over again, Master Kibutsuji," the lower moon stated, "Is this to your liking or would you prefer something else?"

"No," Muzan stated flatly, "That is fine."

Perfect, even.

Enmu smiled widely one last time, holding out his arm and pointing it at the demon lord.

"Sweet dreams, my lord." Was the last thing Muzan heard before falling into a deep, deep sleep.

~~

"Muzan..."

Despite his blood demon art being so much weaker than his, Muzan wasn't quite ready for just how Enmu put him into a dream like that. Muzan's headache had grown ten-fold now, and he could feel that his face was scrunched.

"Muzan..."

Slowly but surely regaining his full consciousness, Muzan could first feel that he was in different clothes than what he had been wearing before. These ones were lighter, softer, and much more airy than his normal suit. Squinting open his crimson eyes, he saw that he was in what appeared to be a long, dark, flowing kimono.

The second thing Muzan could feel was that it was rather cool where he was, and that he appeared to be lying on the ground. Sifting his weight slowly, he could then feel that his head was lain upon what felt like two soft, plush pillows firmly squished together.

The third thing, however, took him a little longer to discern quite that it was. At first, he thought it was a pair of chopsticks running across his scalp over and over again. Upon, further thought, however, Muzan was further snapped back into awareness.

Those were not chopsticks.

Those were fingers.

All too familiar fingers.

"Muzan..!"

Muzan felt a stir deep down inside of him. He recognized this feeling, this touch, this warmth. It had been so, so long since he had felt like this. How long was it again? It had to be an eternity ago. An eternity wrapped within all time time in the world.

Muzan was speechless. Muzan couldn't move. Muzan was struck from deep within, and nothing in the world could ever compare to its blow.

"Muzan!"

Although the calling of the demon's lord name had been going on for some time now, he was just now able to respond.

Tilting his chin upwards towards the voice's source, Muzan nearly fell to bits right then and there. If he was someone else, he would have wept deep, earnest tears at the very sight of the being above him. For everything and nothing surrounded him as he studied the bright, radiant face above him, and nothing else seemed to exist other than that smile.

Other than her.

Her.

Oh, her, her, her.

His beloved. His sun, moon and stars. The ground beneath his feet and the air around him. His joy and love, his woes and sorrow. His fears and excitement. His warmth and his cold.

You.

You were really here.

"I was wondering if you were ever gonna wake up," you said, a faint laugh behind your voice, "You were out for so long!"

This scene was all too familiar to Muzan. He had replayed it in his head countless times, as if it were the only record left in the world.

He knew what this day was, and he knew all of your lines.

How could he ever forget?

Every moment he had ever spent with you had been a blessing.

Right now, his head was cradled in your lap, your soft, delicate fingers combing through his hair oh so gently as he had slept. It was deep into the night, and ordinarily Muzan would not be sleeping at this time. However, your touch was just so relaxing to him.

Everything about you was.

Today, you and him had spent the night wandering through the garden of your home together, chatting about anything and everything. It was only about two months into your relationship with Muzan. Muzan had first come to your home with the intention of eating everyone within the residence, but once he saw your face, watched you, saw your heart, your spirit, your you, he just couldn't.

He just...

couldn't.

You were human, yes.

But Muzan didn't care.

He was in love with you.

Muzan had yet to tell you the truth about him, however.

But that could come later.

"Muzan, are you alright?" He heard your voice echo again, snapping him out of his trance. He saw your face painted with worry, making his own features soften.

His darling angel. If only you knew just how much it pained him to see you with anything other than a smile.

Muzan reached his hand upwards, steadily maneuvering his fingers to brush your hair behind your ear and cup your warm cheek. He was shocked at how real you felt, shocked at just how similar it felt to all those years ago.

Perhaps Muzan had to give Enmu a reward.

The demon lord caressed your cheek gingerly with his cold, calloused thumb, savoring in just how warm your flesh was compared to his. For the first time in what felt like eons, Muzan felt a smile adorn his handsome features. Not one put on just to appease the humans around him, but genuine. The type of smile only you got to see.

Only you.

"I'm more than alright, my darling." He responded, his voice soft and warm, without the normal venom he gives to his subordinates. A voice reserved restrictively for you.

Finally, you let a soft grin come over your heavenly face again, making all seven of Muzan's hearts swell.

"I'm sorry if I woke you up," you said, "But it's about to be dawn soon. I don't want you to get a burn, so let's go in the house again, okay?"

Ah yes, the lie Muzan told you. He, of course, couldn't be with you in the sunlight (as much as he wanted to). So he had told you that he had a rare disorder that made him extra prone to sunburns and heatstroke.

Just something to keep you safe from the truth.

His soft smile still adorning his features, Muzan gave you a nod as he slid his head off of your lap. Since you were on your knees, you were quicker to stand than him. Brushing off your kimono quickly, you offered one of your hands to Muzan to help him stand, of which he gladly took. He had long since forgotted just how perfectly your hand fit into his, along with how radiant your kimono made you look.

Once he was back on his feet, Muzan couldn't help but to hold your arms, holding you a few feet away from him to simply admire you for a moment, his crimson eyes doing laps around your face and body.

You were perfect to him.

Every single thing about you was without flaw in his eyes. Not one curve of your body was too shallow or too wide. Not one strand of your hair was misplaced or without poise. Not one feature on your face took away from your radiant beauty. And you had not one bad bone inside of your body.

Muzan was never one to believe in angels.

However, if anyone in any part of the world were to tell him that you were one of them, straight from the heavens themselves,

He would believe them.

~~

As soon as Muzan stepped through the door, his hand in your own, the scene before him changed in one giant, peaceful flash of white light.

Before him now was no longer the house that he had shared with you all those years ago. Now, in its place, was a beautiful, lush springtime garden, all dredged under the cover of the night. It was not devoid of light, however. There were a few lanterns afloat in the water of the stream, as well as some within the structure of the small bridge that went over top of it. Flowers adorned every nook and cranny of the space, and the occasional insect or bird would make a brief appearance.

A small slice of paradise, just for you and Muzan Kibutsuji.

Fearing that you were no longer by his side, Muzan turned his head. His fears were quickly subsided when he saw you there next to him. Your delicate hands were placed on the railing of the bridge, and your eyes were fixated on the calm water below, almost as if it were a window into the heavens above. There was a small smile plastered on your face, and the delicate lights illuminated each of your features so perfectly.

Muzan knew this night.

This was the night he told you the truth.

The truth about him, about his "condition", about where he went for days on end, about why he couldn't walk with you in the sun, about everything.

This was the one night Muzan had ever felt fear.

"Is it really true, Muzan?" You asked, your gaze still fixated on the water below, "Are you really a demon?"

Muzan felt his lips part in small surprise. Even though he had replayed this night time and time again in his mind, it felt as if this were all happening for the first time over again.

Enmu really was good at this.

Muzan wet his lips before responding, setting his gaze on your precious, beautiful face and refusing to move it, "Yes, my love. It is true. I would not lie to you about this, I..."

A pause to collect this thoughts, before he could continue, "I kept it from you to protect you, (Y/N). I did not want any harm to come to you. My darling, I... I love you. My love for you knows no bounds. You are the stars that shine at night, and you are the shining moon above. Each time I look upon you, all I can stand to think of is how deep my love for you runs. I... I need you, (Y/N). I do not wish for you to be frightened of me, my angel. I would never, not ever harm you, nor let any harm come to you."

You still weren't looking at Muzan, yet your smile had yet to falter. Muzan felt a bubble of nervousness in his gut. Although he knew your response to his words already, even thinking of this moment never failed to make his stomach churn. He hoped his words to you were enough. He doubted that he had ever said anything more truthful in his entire life.

After a long pause of silence between the two of you, you closed your eyes and widened your smile. Then, you opened your eyes again, finally turning to face your lover. You looked Muzan right in the eyes, seemingly unfazed that you were standing so dangerously close to the most powerful being alive.

You were so brave.

Your heart was so big.

Muzan felt so overwhelmed.

"Muzan," you said, your cheeks dusting a light pink.

What you said next to him, Muzan could never get out of his head, never forget. No matter how much he tried, he would never not ever forget your words in that moment.

Within that one short, simple phrase, the king of demons fell in love all over again.

"I've always known."

~~

Another flash within his crimson eyes, and the scene had changed again. Nighttime again, of course, but this time within the confines of the bedroom you and Muzan shared. Both you and Muzan were nude, sans the blanket that covered the lower half of your forms. Muzan was on his back, one strong arm wrapped around you, the other cradling the back of his head. Your legs were intertwined with his, and your hair and hands were sprawled out on top of his lean, muscular chest.

Muzan knew this night as well.

It was his most loved night with you, but also his most dreaded.

How cruel fate was.

Stroking your back with the tips of his fingers, Muzan stared up at the ceiling above the two of you. Your body was flush against his, and as warm as ever. He wondered to himself if he was making you cold. If he was, you didn't seem to mind.

After a long period of savoring the silence between you and him, you softly snorted out a cute, soft giggle. This made Muzan angle his chin downward to look at the top of your head.

"What is it?" He questioned.

You giggled again, tilting your head up to look at him. Smiling, you turned your body to lay on top of the demon king, your breasts smushing against his own. Instinctively, Muzan laid his hands on your hips, rubbing small circles into them as he held you in place.

"I just find it funny that even though you profess to have so much stamina, you get tired after only two rounds." You explained to him, a playful mischievousness in your tone and eyes.

Muzan breathed out a smile, reaching up a clawed hand to brush your hair out of your face.

"As I recall it, you were the one complaining it was too much." He quipped back.

You snorted, "As if that ever stopped you before."

The demon let out a soft chuckle, leaning forward to give you a kiss on the forehead. Muzan couldn't remember ever laughing so genuinely before you came along. You truly were the light of his life. You filled his days with the sunlight he had long since forgotten, as well with the warmth no other demon could ever have.

He loved you.

He loved you he loved you he loved you.

And he still did.

He watched as you dropped your gaze to his chest, running your fingers along the flesh.

"Muzan..." you said, your voice more serious than before, "I've been thinking a lot lately..."

The demon king hummed, brushing more hair from your face.

"What has been on your mind, my love?" He asked.

You paused for a second before continuing on. Muzan could practically see the gears turning in your head.

"Well, I... I'm not getting any younger, you know, and I've been thinking. I... I really love you, Muzan. You're the only person I can imagine myself being with for the rest of my life. The other day, I was in town, and I saw the cutest family ever with a husband and a wife and two adorable little children, and it made me think..."

You looked up at him again, giving him a soft smile.

"What if we were to have a family of our own?"

Muzan could feel the same sense of joy, love, and pride in his chest as he did this same moment all those years ago. In this moment, he had never felt closer to you before, nor could you recall ever looking more beautiful.

He wanted nothing more than to be a family with you for the rest of eternity.

"Darling, you know what that would mean, correct?" He questioned you. He had told you long before that demons could only have offspring with other demons, for a demon baby would eat its human mother from the inside and kill her. It was gruesome, and had originally made you cringe at the thought. Muzan had thought your reaction was quite cute.

"Yes, yes, I know," you answered, "and I'd be ready for it. Even if I'm a demon, and even if I can never go out in the sun again or live normally ever again, I'd be happy knowing I got to be with you and our baby for the rest of time."

Muzan gave you a smile in return, his long, white fangs flashing in the light of the night. Leaning forward, he kissed you upon your soft, warms lips, gently pulling you closer to him.

This was one of the thousands of reasons why he loved you.

You were always so sweet, so kind and optimistic. He would admit, he did have a soft spot for you and you alone. But he didn't care. You were worth it. You were worth every single piece of money on planet earth. You were worth the sun the moon and the stars, and all the planets here and beyond. You were worth any injury, any heartache, and any trial or tribulation in the world.

The king of the demons unquestionably, unfathomably, undeniably, adored you.

Pulling gently away from the kiss, Muzan looked deep into your eyes, right past your pupils and looked right into your soul, your very being.

"I would want nothing more, my sunlight."

If Muzan could turn back the hands of time, he would have kept you here with him for the rest of everything and beyond.

For he did not know then that was the last kiss you and him would share.

~~

Another flash, and Muzan was no longer greeted with a visage of the past. Much to his dismay, the demon was now greeted with the sight of his office, with a smiling Enmu creepily watching him from across his desk.

What a fucking freakshow.

Taking in a breath of air through his nose, Muzan sat up tall in his chair again, rubbing the bridge of his nose with this thumb and pointer finger.

You were gone again. You were again nothing up a memory, a whisper of a time from the past.

Muzan could hardly bare it.

He had felt you, held you near him.

And just as fast as you came back, you were gone again.

This was a pain almost too hard to bear.

How long was he asleep for? Muzan really didn't care how long it was.

No amount of time with you was enough.

"Did you have the pleasant dream you wished for, Master?" Enmu asked the demon king. The lesser moon was lucky Muzan was in a somewhat good mood that day.

"Yes." Muzan replied simply, closing his eyes to rub them with his thumb, "Excellent work."

Enmu's smile widened at this, his cheeks turning pink again.

"Why, thank you, Master." He responded, his excitement prevalent in his voice.

Enmu really was a special one.

After composing himself again, Muzan scooted his chair forward up to his desk, fixing his gaze back onto his work sprawled out below.

Muzan just wanted to be alone again after that. He had been alone for years now, but he wanted Enmu out of the room. Although he could have easily ordered it to be so, he again did not want to show any weakness to the lower moon.

Christ on a bike. Muzan was so fucking stubborn.

He remembered all the times you nagged him for it.

Oh, what he would give to have you nag him one last time.

After a long bout of silence, the lesser demon decided to speak up again. He turned his head over his shoulder again to Muzan, trying to sound as naieve and innocent as possible.

"Master," Enmu said, "Where is she now?"

Muzan stopped his movements and glared up at Enmu with a venomous glare. How dare he even refer to you. You were so far above him, how dare Enmu even think to invoke your name.

Though Muzan wanted to kill the other demon right on the spot, he decided against it. He still wanted to see how Enmu would do on his mission. Also, Muzan had to admit that he did feel lighter and more generous after his dream with you. And he supposed it was fair that Enmu had his questions.

Feeling nice, Muzan decided to entertain Enmu's question.

Shifting his gaze back to the papers below, Muzan replied.

"Gone." he said, "The night she asked about a family was the last night I saw her alive. The next day, a group of slayers found her and our house. They knew who she was and that she was human, but killed her anyway. All in attempt to get to me. I found her in a pool of her own blood, limp and cold. The slayers died that same night."

Enmu's smile faded at this, his face taking on a look of shock. Closing his lips into a tight line, Enmu looked away, out of a quiet unconscious respect. Everything made so much more sense to Enmu now. Why the demon king was the way he was, his hatred for slayers, his cold-hearted, murderous nature.

It all clicked into place.

"I... I am sorry for your loss, Master." He said, his voice quieter than normal, "She seemed like a lovely woman."

Muzan peered up at the back of Enmu's head. Through his thick, black lashes.

"Yes..." Muzan said.

"She truly was."

[giorno-plays-piano]

Vicious

Part VI

Pairing: Steve x reader, Bucky x reader, Thor x reader, Loki x reader, Peter x reader

Warnings: yandere, obsession, stalking, possessiveness, theft, mention of blackmail, all characters are adults.

Words: 1567.

Summary: Transferring to Stark Academy that has only allowed to take in female students last semester, you realize you are just one of three young women among hundreds of students. Your things are constantly being stolen, and soon you begin fearing for your safety.

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Part V

________

You spent the rest of your evening like a somnambulist, barely able to concentrate on your projects before you went to bed, barely finishing half of the things you planned for today. Even the change of locks didn't make you as happy as you thought it would. It felt like something between a dream and a nightmare.

Lying in the dark, you stared at the ceiling, thinking of what happened just a couple of hours ago. Why did he do it? Was it just out of habit and didn’t mean anything? Naturally, with his appearance and easy-going attitude, he probably dated many girls and didn’t think much before kissing someone he liked.

Remembering the way he talked to you in the morning, you thought he must have pretended to be shy around you. Thor certainly wasn’t sheepish.

Was it all a sham? Was Loki right about all of them, playing their roles to get close to you? You couldn’t forget the way Thor looked the moment he told you about being smart. It was like something switched inside him, and for a second you saw the real Thor who was far from being your simple, good-natured athlete.

Why did you keep thinking about that stupid kiss even after seeing the man could be dangerous?

Aroused and angry, you tossed and turned until you fell asleep.

____________

Waking up was especially tough, despite the fact you didn't really do much yesterday, meaning you were going to spend your weekend studying. Shoot, and that's when you planned to visit that new chocolate boutique in the city. Maybe you could still make it if you spent more time studying today?

But then again, going to the city alone might be a bad idea. Even if the guys who stole your things were beaten, it didn't mean it had always been the same people following you. The school was full of weirdos, in the end. What if somebody went after you? Steve would definitely say you had to bring one of your guards with you.

Damn. It was better staying in the dorm then.

"Good morning! Are you ready?" Peter's voice broke through the silence, and you flinched, hurriedly applying some lipstick because you didn't have enough time to put your makeup properly.

Well, at least you were fully dressed.

"Just give me a second!" Picking up your bag, you put your shoes on and opened the door, looking at a young guy who's face was lit up like a Christmas tree. "Hi!"

He definitely liked what he saw, and you felt your cheeks growing hot from embarrassment. From the very start of the semester Peter acted very sweet around you, and you thought you could be friends with him. He wouldn't do something as ugly as blackmailing, would he? Thor said it too. Clearly, Steve was exaggerating.

"Did you sleep well? I've heard you changed your lock, so now it'll be better."

"Ugh, I hope so. But I still sleep with my dresser blocking the door." Sighing, started walking, afraid to look in the faces of other students, hurrying off to school.

They must have been disgusted, watching you being friendly with one guy after being all lovey-dovey with the other just yesterday. Although you didn't see anyone in particular, you were sure somebody saw Thor kissing you. And now you were walking the corridors with Peter.

"By the way, what's your Insta?"

What? Your Instagram? Whatever for? Although you had no idea why he needed it, you let him add you, by the time leaving the dorm and walking towards the main building.

Suddenly, Peter got pretty close, his arm on your waist as he lifted up his phone and hummed, "Look here and smile!"

Before you realized what he was doing, the boy kissed your temple, and you heard the sound of a photo being taken by his front-facing camera. What the Hell?!

"Peter!" Pissed at him, you quickly break free and stepped back, but he was already looking at his phone, editing the photo and posting it almost immediately.

You heard your phone buzz when he marked you on the photo.

"That's a good one. You look very cute here."

"What are you doing?!"

"Making a proof we're dating, of course?"

You were taken aback by the sincerity in his voice, and Peter smiled from ear to ear like an excited teenager, showing you the picture: it wasn't that bad, and you looked as if you were slightly embarrassed by Peter's closeness. Oh, of course. He had to convince his friends he was dating you, but he didn't kiss you on the lips that could make other people too suspicious. Instead, friends of Barnes or, say, Thor, would still think it was all for show, and it was their friend who dated you for real.

Shit, Steve's plan was incredibly complicated, and you didn't like it at all.

"Oh, alright." You mumbled, lowering your eyes to the ground, and Peter laughed.

"We'll make a TikTok dance later. If you wanna make people talk, just use your social media." He winked at you and put the phone in the pocket of his pants, resuming walking, and you moved along, your face still hot.

God, what did these guys got you into? You felt like you were lost in the middle of a play, not even having a script to read what was your role in all this.

Before you parted your ways, going to a different classrooms, Peter talked about videogames, the upcoming Resident Evil - apparently, his favorite franchise - and some Dota tournament, but you didn't know much about it, and Peter offered to show you his favorite games "because you can't spend all your time studying!"

He was as careless and sweet as always, but you couldn't get Steve's words out of your mind. Damn, if only you could know for sure that Peter didn't blackmail anyone. Who could you talk to about it? Obviously, not Peter himself, but every time he spoke you had that nagging feeling you needed to talk to him. You barely kept your mouth shut before he went to a different room.

Ugh, why didn't you transfer anywhere else when you still had a chance? Obviously, now you could only drop out of school, and it definitely wasn't something you were going to do.

Luckily, the next couple of hours you were busy with your classes, trying your best to prepare for the upcoming exams. The academy held high standards, and even though you were a good student, it still took lots of efforts to keep up the good work. How Thor even managed to get enrolled, judging by the fact he hated studying and often skipped classes?

Ah yes, he mentioned something about getting a scholarship from the academy for his success in the sport.

By the lunch time you were drained, listening to Peter chatting with an absent-mindedly epxression on your face. Funny enough, Peter's grades were better than yours, even though he spent much less time studying. What, was he some genius like Loki? You felt a little envy.

"I gotta go take my tracksuit, I have PE next," the boy said, and you nodded, throwing away the leftovers of your lunch.

As you stood close while he grabbed his sportclothes, you heard two guys talking behind the lockers to your right.

"Have you seen her today? She's with Parker!"

You tensed immediately. Of course, they were talking about you.

"Yeah, so what?"

"She was with Thor yesterday!"

Watching you froze on the spot, Peter stilled too, listening carefully. Oh shit, you hoped no one cared about who you went with - why should they, in the end - but, apparently, you were drawing too much attention simply because you were a girl among hundreds of male students.

"So what?" The other guy asked impatiently, growing tired of this conversation.

"Are you stupid? She's going out with them! I bet she's looking for a guy." The first student said with excitement, and you cringed. No, you weren't going out with anyone, you wanted to stop the weirdos from following you and steeling your things. Was it too much to ask?

"Yeah, who cares?"

"We have three fucking girls in the whole school, and you don't care if one of them could be going out with you? Besides, this one's pretty. I'd fuck her!"

You felt like you were going to puke any moment. Why on Earth did you decide to transfer to an all-boys school? It was like the whole school were a men’s room filled with stupid-ass guys, and you were locked inside, forced to listen them talk junk.

"You'd fuck a sheep, weirdo. Go get yourself a girlfriend if you can’t stop thinking with your dick.”

Laughing, the guy left, and his friend followed him, shouting something stupid while you breathed out a sigh of relief. Of course, you knew there would be some talk, but you didn’t expect it to be so... gross. Were you really gonna spend the two remaining years here?

Watching you getting frustrated, Peter gently touched you by the arm and said softly, “Don’t worry. They won’t talk rubbish about you.”

“What do you mean?” Suddenly thinking of Steve’s words, you blurted out exactly what you were thinking of the whole day, “Are you going to blackmail them with something?”

“I... what?”

Part VII

__________

Tags: @finleyjayne @alexakeyloveloki   ​@helenaeisenhower @villanellevi @hurricanerin ​@inlovewiththefictionalcharacters @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @navegandoaciegas @rosalynshields @brattycherub @sllooney @angrythingstarlight @lookiamtrying @buckysbunny @stargazingfangirl18 @dillybuggg @literate-lamb @cosicas-cuquis @sarge-barnes-sir @buckybarnesplumwhore @jaysayey @megzdoodle @gotnofucks @lux-ravenwolf @ximebebx @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @sourpatchspinster @biiskuitx @stupendouslovegardener @iheartsebandchris @lovelydarkdaydream @soleil-dor @illyrianprincess @vampirestrawberries @goodgodimaweirdperson @frontmanash @freya-heya @yandematic @mariatietacapitu @d3monslust @maybesandohnos @ibeatuptwinks @mangobangi

[greenygreenland]

Dream A Little Dream Of Me: Norman x Reader

-MANGA SPOILERS! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK! 

-NOTE: YOU’RE BOTH AGED UP SO DON’T START TELLING ME FBI’S GONNA COME TO MY DOOR 😂😂

-THE TIMELINE IS A BIT MESSED UP SO JUST IGNORE IT COMPLETELY AND DON'T ASK ME LOL

-also, is it just me or do thick eyebrows look really cute??? Norman has pretty thick brows compared everyone else and I think they're cute 

WARNINGS: Kissing lol

Summary: You finally see Norman again.

Life had to be the scariest thing you'd ever faced. It threw the bad, the good, the everything your way until you could barely stand. Until you were left broken and mangled and shattered. Life was scary. It was cruel. Yet somehow, today was different.

You thought it was a dream. After all, how could it be reality when the boy in front of you died a year and some months ago? He had been shipped out, left for dead because it was a part of his stupid escape plan.

So how was it he stood before you? Breathing? Smiling? Living?

The office door closed behind you with a soft click. It bathed the room in silence, as if for a moment, the world decided to give you a second to breathe. A second to take in the wonderous sight before you.

The boy's name stuck in your throat. He had changed, not only in height, but stature and appearance. Norman was older, and he grew up to be more handsome than any runway model could ever be.

"(Y/n)," he gently said. "I'm glad you're well."

That was all it took. One sentence and you tackled him in the tightest hug your trembling arms could muster. "Norman...!" To have his arms around you, to hear the beating of his heart--it was a relief. A miracle sent by the gods. "You’re so stupid!"

No, he was more than stupid. He had to be the dumbest boy alive to think that it was okay to sacrifice himself for the sake of your family. You all were supposed to escape together just like Emma said. No one was supposed to be left behind, yet Norman--bless his heart--acted on his own.

You hugged him as if he would disappear if you let go. "We were all supposed to leave together. But you--I thought you--shipped out--and then--!" You chocked on your words. What more could you say anyway?

You buried your face in the crook of his neck. The muffled sob that ripped through your throat was more than Norman could handle. His knees went weak and you both slowly sunk to the floor in a heap. 

"I'm here." he gently said. "I'm not going anywhere (Y/n)."

Despite the steadiness in Norman's voice, his shoulders hitched, and he sniffled. "I'm here." he repeated. "I-I'm here." It sounded like he were reassuring himself that he wouldn't leave you so soon, as if he were scared too. Not for the way you sobbed and sobbed, but for the ache in his heart that seemed to beat in sync with yours.

Slowly, your sobs turned to quiet sniffles, which then silenced into nothing but tiny hiccups. You basked in Norman's warm embrace. He didn't hold you too tightly, as if he were afraid it would shatter you to pieces. Instead, he pulled you close to his side and leaned on his desk behind.

You rested your head on his chest, taking the time to memorise his scent. Parchment, the woods, and old books. You liked that, it was comforting to know he still smelled the same. On the other hand, his voice wasn’t as smooth or rounded as it once was. It was icy. No one seemed to notice that tiny sharpness that hit the end of each note he spoke. You wondered what could've made his kind heart harden.

Sure, Norman was still the same Norman you remembered, but something about the way he acted seemed off. He was clingy, much more than he ever was. Maybe he just missed you? No, that couldn't be right. Norman acted as if he were running out of time. He held you close and gently, as if these would be the last moments you'd see each other again. As if there wouldn't be a tomorrow.

You slowly pulled away to get a good look at Norman's face. His chin was slightly pointier, his cheeks less chubby and full. His lips twitched upwards into a comforting smile. It didn't quite reach his eyes because he looked so overwhelmingly tired. Your poor boy probably worked day and night to keep the hideout on its feet. It must be hard on him, you thought. Especially since he was revered as a god.

Norman's brows raised. "What's wrong?"

You took his thin hands in your own and gave them a good squeeze. "It's nothing. What about you?"

Ah yes, small talk. The perfect way to avoid any question thrown your way. Norman knew you well, sometimes even more than himself. When you asked simple questions such as these, that meant your mind laid elsewhere in a land he could never reach. Norman took that as a hint to drop the subject.

For now.

He wondered what invisible weight laid on your shoulders. Was it something as heavy as his? Perhaps your weight was worse and it ate away at you. Norman wished he could take that weight away and relieve you of that pain. He'd carry it all if he could, and it didn't matter to him if he'd die trying. This was you he was thinking about. He'd do anything for you.

"I've been okay," Norman vaguely responded. "But I have been busy, so I find it difficult to sleep sometimes.”

Norman liked to be honest, but you knew it was because that helped him figure out what was wrong with you. It was a game of tag. In this case being 'it' meant figuring out each others' worries through a back-and-forth match.

"You haven't been sleeping enough?" Your voice came out rather quiet as you traced invisible circles over the back of his hands. "Is that because you have so much work? Or do you refuse to get help?" Norman sat in a still silence and you sighed.

Of course. 

This was your Norman after all. He always shouldered a burden too big for his shoulders to carry. It was always something so heavy, so terribly hard to balance by himself. If that burden grew any bigger, it would collapse, and that would be his downfall. But you wouldn't let that happen to your Norman. No, no, no. You'd take that burden from him, steal it if you had to, and be his crutch.

"What have you been doing here?" you quickly added. "As 'William Minerva', I mean?"

Norman looked unbearably uncomfortable. That little frown tugging at the edge of his lips was a tell-tale sign. “I’ve been getting a lot done." he carefully said. "In fact, I’ve figured out a way to end this. Once and for all.” 

Norman began by explaining the first phase of his plan. The first phase had long been in motion. It started with the indiscriminate burning of cattle facilities, then the gathering of information, and continued on to pave the way for all the other phases you didn’t care to hear about.

The first few steps weren't too bad, but the final act in Norman's plan made your skin crawl. You half-wished you hadn’t asked him anything to begin with. Maybe it would have spared your appetite. Your grip on his thin hands loosened and loosened until your hands rested on your lap.

Norman wasn't so little anymore. He had grown up just a bit, but not in the way you wished to see. How could he think of something so cold-hearted and cruel? The extermination of all demons in Neverland was an act of genocide. If you re-called correctly, it was also considered a war crime.

Norman was smarter than that. He understood the consequence he'd have to face if that were the path he walked right? He understood that there were still other options right? Maybe you heard him wrong.

No.

You had to have heard him wrong. Norman wasn't ruthless like that. He was a ball of sunshine that made you smile whenever you were together.

"I see..." You tightly smiled. "So that's your plan on freeing everyone?" Norman nodded with a seriousness that took you back to the time he left everything to you and Ray and Emma. 

You weren't mistaken then. Norman truly meant everything he said.

"Yes, that is my plan. It's been taking me a little longer than expected to set it in motion. I've decided to officially start tomorrow."

Tomorrow? 

Your breath hitched. "Don't you think that's a bit hasty? What if...what if something goes wrong?" Norman smiled. It was hollow and wry and everything that he wasn't. "Don't worry. Fortunately, I've always been pretty good at getting what I want." You didn't return the smile, and you didn't want to say why.

Norman was quick to catch on. But of course he would catch on so quickly, this was Norman. Your Norman.

"Do you have a problem with my plan?" he inquired. You shook your head. "No, it's...it's not that." Yes, it was that. Your plan is dangerous even if it is good, you thought. Innocent lives wouldn't be spared, and that would spell an unfair fate for the demons who ate to survive.

You wanted to tell Norman why his plan was wrong, and why he didn't have to be so unforgiving about it. But then what? Why would he listen when you didn't have any better ideas? He seemed to have his mind set anyway, so no half-baked ideas would make a difference. And besides, he was the smartest person you knew. Maybe that was the only way out of the terrible fate all you cattle children faced.

"If you're okay with my plan," Norman said, "then what's bothering you (Y/n)?"

"It's still a lot for me to take in," you admitted with a plastic smile. "I guess I'm just shocked that you're, well, here." Norman smiled, this time with a genuine warmth. "I understand." He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on your lips. "I'll see you at dinner."

Your cheeks burned. How bold of him. "Y-yeah, I'll see you at dinner." Norman let out a cute little chuckle that made your heart beat a little louder than it was supposed to. You hauled yourself off the floor and made your way to the door. Norman followed.

You flashed him a nervous smile, one that mixed in with your muddled worry and anxiousness. You glanced at his bright eyes. For a moment, they seemed to dim like the setting sun. It reminded you of Mama. When no one looked at her, she didn’t smile. She always looked so sad when she sat by herself, and maybe that was because she was. 

"(Y/n)?"

Your fingers brushed against the doorknob. “Hm?”

"I want nothing more than to protect you and our family. I know you don't fully agree with me," his expression darkened. "But this is the way--the only way we can save everyone without spilling a single drop of blood."

For a moment, you forgot who you were speaking to. This wasn't the same boy you begged to run away with before he got shipped out. This wasn't the same boy who gently tucked a piece of hair behind your ear and sweetly complimented you. This boy--did you truly still know him? Was he still the Norman you grew up with and fell head-over-heels for?

You blinked and that dark look washed itself off his face. He strode up to you and placed a hand on your cheek--just like the day he was supposed to be harvested. Norman’s eyes were soft, softer than any blanket, and his lips pursed into a gentle frown. With his thumb, he wiped a stray tear away. 

Why were you crying?

"Norman..." You couldn’t find the right words. There were none that could explain the suffering you endured in silence. You worried, not only for Norman, but your family and all those other people in the world you didn’t know about. Norman’s plan--oh how stupid it was--had it changed him? Had it forced him to guard his heart to keep a still mind? 

You wondered what he endured while you went on your crazy adventures. At least you had your family, and Yuugo, Lucas, and all your friends. But Norman? He didn’t have anyone but himself. He carried the whole world. Alone. Had he been scared? Worried? Angry that no one came for him? Your heart clenched at the thought. 

"Smile,” Norman said. “It’s okay, I promise. I'm here." He gathered you in his arms and you didn’t have the heart to protest. “How?” you whispered. “How were you able to do all this on your own?” Norman helplessly shrugged. “You could say I have connections, either that or I’m just lucky.”

“What will you do after this is all over?”

Norman went still again, as if he couldn’t answer your question. You heaved in a shaky breath. If Norman wasn’t going to give you a straight answer, then you’d squeeze it out of him. “Did anything else happen to you? I’m sure there’s a catch, isn’t there?” 

It was like someone flipped a switch. One moment, you were a mess of tears, sorrow, and anguish. Now, something menacing laid in your voice. It was almost threatening, as if you were indirectly telling Norman to dare avoid the question. “I don’t want you dying trying to be everything at once,” you said. “Here you’re revered as a god, and if I know you, then it’s plain that you set yourself up like that. Don’t tell me you plan to die on us again.”

He stiffened.

“I know you Norman, don’t forget that. And because I love you, I don’t want to see you destroy yourself. I admit, I don’t know why you act like you’re going to leave again, but I’ll do everything in my power to stop you.” You pulled away and took his hands in yours. A small smile of reassurance made its way up your lips, but Norman didn’t return it. 

No, he couldn’t. And despite all he did, he couldn’t lie straight to your face. Not like this.

Dinner cheered you up. The smiles and laughter that your family shared with Norman made you feel just a little bit better. But how long would it last? And how long would those smiles stay present? All the questions swarming in your mind made you feel sick to your stomach. There was too much to think about, and too little time to answer them.

You forced down the last of your food with a sigh and brought the plate to its respectful place. Everyone was too busy chatting and catching up to notice, but that was fine. It was better that way. 

You made your way to a secluded walkway. It was in one of the calmer areas of the hideout that overlooked the lower levels. It was quiet, save for the distant chatter of Hayato and his friends. He let out a bright laugh that echoed through the vacant walkways. What a shame it would be to hear that disappear.

“So this is where you went.” 

“I told you she’d be here.”

You whipped around in alarm. “Ray, Emma!” 

Ray sharply looked you up and down. He raised a brow and you squirmed under his gaze. He gently bumped shoulders with you. “What’s wrong with you?” 

You absentmindedly shrugged. “Nothing.” 

“That’s what someone who’s not okay would say.” Emma noted. She settled by your side on the railing and flashed a bright smile. “You were so quiet at dinner today.” 

You shook your head. Que another absentminded shrug and plastic smile. “I guess I just wanted to make sure everyone was okay.” 

Ray sighed. “Everyone but you?” He leaned against the railing next to you. “Did you and Norman talk at all?”

You froze. ‘Yes’, was what you wanted to say, but no sound came out. The image of Norman’s matured face, the way his his soft lips hit your own, and his stupidly tall build crossed your mind. 

Emma let out a gasp and slapped a hand over her mouth. “Ah!” she cried. “You’re all red!” You covered your hands with your face, ignoring Ray’s curious stare.

“What did you two talk about in his office anyway? Or should I say, do?” The glint in Ray’s eyes had subtext you didn’t want to recite out loud. “Rayyyyy,” you grumbled, “shut up.” He sent you a teasing grin as Emma frowned in confusion. “I don’t get it.” 

“You’ll understand when you’re older.”

“Yeah, it’s grown up stuff.”

You ignored the warmth spreading to your cheeks and elbowed Ray. “Don’t say it like ‘that’! Now you make it sound like something else!” 

He daringly raised a brow. “Like what?” You ran a hand over your scorching face. It was a miracle you weren’t on fire. “No, no, I’m not answering you!” 

You shared a good laugh and a comfortable silence began to settle, blanketing your shoulders in a lightness that you hadn’t felt in a while. 

Emma softly smiled. “I’m glad we found you.” she admitted. “You looked really sad all by yourself out here.” Ray nodded with a small snort. “Yeah, talk about depressing. But seriously though, did something..?”

Of course these two would see through your façade. Of course they’d understand something was wrong. They were your family, and they didn’t deserve your silence. Your smile shattered. “I don’t know if Norman told you about his plan yet, but it’s...it’s bad. Sure, the demons have done some terrible things to us, but that doesn’t mean all of them are guilty. I want to stop him, but I don’t know how.” 

Emma nodded in agreement. “He told us earlier and I don’t like it either.” she firmly said. “Ray and I talked it over and we have a plan, but it’s risky. Like, really risky. It has to do with the Seven Walls and...” 

You held on to every word Emma and Ray spoke. Risky was your middle name. Well, not actually, but it was something that became your friend. You and your family looked death in the face too many times to count. What would be another?

By the end of it, you were sure this new plan would change Norman’s mind, or at least convince him to give up the whole ‘genocide’ thing. It was decided by Ray that tomorrow, you’d all talk to Norman. Things seemed to be looking up. No, they had to be.

------------

The halls were empty and you were alone. How was it you got lost in the first place? You made sure to have every twist and turn memorised, so why did you end up in the wrong corridor twice? Ray would surely tease you for getting lost. What an absolute--

You slammed into someone’s chest. A yelp escaped your throat as the person in question lost his footing. He sucked in a sharp breath and went tumbling straight into you. Your back hit the ground as the boy threw out his arms on either side of your head to brace himself. You didn’t need a name to know who you had tumbled into. Light hair, soft eyes, fancy waistcoat and suit. 

“Norman?”

He hovered over you with wide eyes. His lips were inches from yours and he was just so, so close. 

Thump, thump, thump.

Your heartbeat was so gosh dang loud. Could he hear it? Could he see the way your face burned red? 

“Uhm--I--I--uh--” 

Why wasn’t he moving? Why weren’t you moving? Why was it so hard to look him in the eyes? A nervous smile broke out across Norman’s lips. He pushed himself off of you and offered out a hand. You gingerly took it.

“Sorry.” Norman said, helping you to your feet. “I wasn’t looking where I was going. Are you okay?” Your gaze darted from his lips to his dazzling eyes and then to his cheeks dusted in red. Your heart wouldn’t stop slamming against your chest. It kept going, and going until you felt like you were about to burst. 

“Sh-shouldn’t I be asking you that?” you retorted. “I’m not the one who--you know...gets sick all the time.” You weren’t sure why you said it like that, or why that made Norman smile so cutely, but he was smiling. That made your heart flutter. You glanced around the corridor a few times, and somehow, you kept finding focus on his lips. 

What was wrong with you?

Norman caught on fast--like he always did. “Oh I see,” he said with a low chuckle. You swallowed. His voice really did deepen (but you kind of liked it). For a moment, you thought he caught onto your staring, but instead of commenting on it, he intertwined his hand with yours and led you through the winding halls. 

“Don’t tell Ray I got lost.” you muttered. Norman laughed and it was like the sound of happiness itself. “I won’t.” 

The halls all looked the exact same: cream coloured paint, nature-like decorations, and numbered wooden doors. You forgot what number your room was, so that was probably why you got lost. Norman took a sharp left where you recalled should be a right instead. “Wait isn’t it that way?”

“I have something to give you, so we’re going to make a quick detour.” Norman’s cheeks dusted pink and he looked the slightest bit nervous. “What is it you want to show me?” He flashed you a contagious smile. “It’s a surprise.” 

“What kind of surprise?”

“I can’t tell you,” he said with a chuckle, “that’s why it’s called a surprise.”

When you got to his office, you were nervous. Surprises were fun, yes, but in a world where nearly getting eaten by wild demons fell into the category of ‘surprise’, you learned not to like them very much.

Norman closed the door behind you and it softly clicked shut. Okay, you thought. So he was locking the door and making his way over to his desk. Okay, that’s fine. Norman shuffled through a cabinet, that nervous look still on his face. Okay, okay, nothing wrong here. He gently shut the drawer, and as he walked out from behind his desk, you took note of the small little box he fiddled with. 

Okay. Okay. Box. Nervous. Locked door. Did he not want anyone to interrupt whatever he was about to do? 

Norman heaved in a deep breath. A really, really, really deep breath. “(Y/n), I have never met anyone else like you. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met, and you’re beautiful and kind.” He sunk to one knee and opened the little box. “Will you marry me?”

“Yes!”

---------

You jolted awake with a start. 

“Sorry,” Norman said. He scribbled a few words down in his notebook. “Did I wake you?” 

Ah, that’s right. After you talked with Emma and Ray, you all met up with Norman and hung out for a bit. But when had you gotten to his office? Much less, fallen asleep? You rubbed your eyes with a shake of your head. Judging by the tired look on Norman’s face, it was way past bedtime.

The heavy cloak around your shoulders offered a welcoming warmth. It smelled like books. It smelled like parchment and ink. It smelled like Norman and it was comforting. 

He glanced up from his notebook and curiously met your gaze. “What are you smiling at?” The dream popped up in your mind and your smile grew. “I had a good dream.” 

“What was it about?” he inquired without looking up.

“You.” 

The scratch of the pencil froze and he met your gaze. “You had a dream about me?” Your cheeks flushed. “Yeah, and you proposed.” Norman’s back went rigid and he turned as red as an apple. “I-I pro--proposed to you?” he stammered. You snickered, a smug smile tugging on your lips. “It was really sweet. And if you’re wondering, I said yes. I was going to kiss you, but then I woke up.” You stood up with a sigh. “It was disappointing, but that’s okay.” 

You let out a small laugh and neatly folded Norman’s cloak. You left it on the couch and made your way across the room. “That’s a nice notebook.” you said. “What’re you writing about?”

Norman stilled and closed the book with a smile. “It’s nothing special.” He put the pencil down ever so quietly and stood. “Do you seek my affections?” he inquired. You settled on the wall. “Don’t you have work to do?” Norman looked down at you. His fringe brushed across his eyelashes, and he loosened his tie. Slowly.

Your heart steadily drummed against your chest. “What are you doing?” The false innocence in your voice caused Norman to chuckle lowly. He caressed your cheek with a feather-light touch. “Well, you did say you were disappointed right? Why don’t I make it up to you?” 

He rested an arm on the wall with a sly smirk. Your lips connected and it made your stomach flip-flop. The kiss was slow, it was sweet. You found yourself pulling him closer, running your hands through his hair and yanking him over. "Norman?" He met your gaze with half-lidded eyes. "Yes (N/n)?"

"Where did you learn how to do that?"

He smirked and it was hot. The fact that he kept his arm braced against the wall didn’t help either. "Why?" he lowly inquired. "Do you like it?" Your breath caught in your throat and you found yourself wanting more. 

Knock, knock!

Norman didn't look too happy about that. He ran a hand over your cheek and gently tucked a lock of hair behind your ear, that half-lidded look of his melting into warmth and love. He made his way to the door, tightening his tie and smoothing out his hair with a quick touch.

"Hello--?" Norman fell short mid-sentence. As soon as your gaze locked with the person on the other side, you understood why. Ray stood in the threshold, just as red-faced as you and Norman, with a sheepish look on his face. “I’ll come back later.” he muttered. 

Oh great. Had he been eavesdropping? You glanced at Norman and he glanced at you, then Ray, and back to you. Ray sucked his teeth and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Don’t have too much fun.” he said, a smirk twitching onto his lips.

You made your way to the threshold with a groan. “Rayyyy!” 

“Yeah, yeah, don’t worry.” he coolly replied. “Do whatever, I didn’t see anything.”

PART 2 <--- READ PART 2

NOTE: I spent a WHOLE WEEK writing this. Please reblog so I know you guys like it :)

TIP JAR

[captains-simp]

Carol Danvers ~ Impatient Acts: Part 1

Carol Danvers X fem!Reader Smut

Word count: 1,724

Includes: phone sex, degrading, captain kink and masturbation with fingers and strap on

[ masterlist ]

Buy me a coffee ☕

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"How much longer do you think you'll be away?" You ask with a pout as you role onto your back, staring up at the dull ceiling and imaging your girlfriend somewhere far above it.

"I don't know, baby. Could be a couple days, maybe more...a lot more." She spoke into the device. Even though you were disappointed you were still quick to realise her tired voice sounded a lot like her morning voice, something that always turned you on to no ends.

Right now Carol was getting ready to rest for the night, if that was even a thing in space, while you lay on your bed in the midday summer heat.

The blonde had been away for a few weeks now and you missed her so much. You missed everything about the captain and there seemed to be nothing you could do to fix that. It seemed cuddling her pillow was only enough for when your were falling asleep, and even then you wanted to feel her strong arms wrapped around you.

Not to mention her being away for so long was leaving you incredibly sexually frustrated. You had told Carol this countless times when she had been away, but she just laughed it off before reiterated her number one rule: no touching the captain's property.

Just thinking about her referring to you and your body in such a way made a fire ignite between your legs.

"I miss you." You spoke quietly into the mic on your phone, closing your eyes and trying to invision her right now. She practically always slept in sweatpants and a vest, even in the winter when she was able to heat up her body with her powers (which was like sleeping with a warm blanket wrapped around you). Although sometimes she might not have those sweatpants on...and maybe even nothing beneath. You bite your lip at the thought.

"I miss you too." She said in that morning voice that encouraged the need you felt.

You were only wearing a loose vest and panties. You had no plans of going out, you were home alone and the summer heat wouldn't have been bearable to you in anything else.

"So much." You whispered into the mic as your fingers trailed delicately across your bare thigh and you imagined the motion being from Carol.

Speaking of who, the blonde was quick to catch on to the nature of your speech, knowing all the signs of you being horny you didn't even know you showed.

You heard her move position in her bed and imagined her moving to straddle your waist to kiss down your neck, or making herself comfortable between your legs to slide her strap in easier.

Your eyes flickered open to eye up the closet that you knew Carol had left one of her straps in as she spoke.

"What are you doing?" She asked suspiciously but knowing full damn well what you wanted to do.

"Nothing." You replied with a smile and your best innocent voice. You contemplated getting up and heading for the closet as you said that, but decided to just listen to Carol's voice instead...for now.

"You better be." She said with warning etched into her tone. You shivered at her words slightly as your fingers wandered over your clothed folds that were now drenched with your arousal.

"Or what?" You asked with a smirk and all the confidence you could gather; knowing full damn well you were going to pay for it later. But you were so god damn horny and Carol's voice was all the help you needed, the consequences would be another day's problem.

"Or you're going to regret it." She stated.

You scoffed at her words, not believing the punishment she was going to give could possibly not be worth the orgasm you were going to have tonight.

"It?" You questioned, wanting to hear her spell it out to you. Dirty talking would definetly get you off.

"If you touch that needy little pussy of yours without your captain's permission," she started - her voice getting lower and abandoning her tired tone now she was paying you full attention, "then when I get home I'll make your punishments so bad you'll beg for my forgiveness like the desperate whore you are while crying out for it to stop. You think I've punished you bad before? Things will get unimaginably worse for you if you disobey your captain, slut." She finished, bitterness engraved in her voice that made you bite you lip to stop yourself whimpering pathetically.

You knew you should stop. But the hormones were clouding your judgement and you could physically feel your arousal ruining your panties.

You didn't respond to Carol, you couldn't. You were completely unable to form any words as your fingertips finally dipped under your panties and stroked the wetness of your pussy.

"Well?" Carol asked expectantly. The moment of silence was filled with unbearable tension.

Your clit was throbbing, your pussy walls were clenching around nothing and a thin layer of sweat was forming along your body. You weren't going to wait any longer.

"No." You whispered. There was more silence as Carol didn't seem to believe you would defy such explicit orders, you always obeyed her.

"No?" She questioned, her voice stoic.

Your fingers stroked your folds more until you had collected enough of your juices. With ease, you slipped two fingers inside your touch deprived pussy and gave a long moan as they sunk deeper into you.

Carol growled lowly into the mic before speaking again. "Don't you fucking dare, y/n." She spat.

"I'm so wet, captain." You smiled as you started a slow pace with your fingers, not wanting to overwhelm your most sensitive part after weeks without contact.

"Stop." She said firmly but the anger in her voice only encouraged you. You could imagine her jaw clenched to enhance that prominent jawline. Her fists clenched and probably dieing to be choking you with them. And despite her objections, you bet she was wet.

You curled your fingers ever so slightly and shivered as they brushed against your most sensitive part. You sighed in bliss and moaned once your pace increased.

"Captain..." You whimpered, your thrusts becoming rougher as you clenched around your fingers occasionally.

"It's not worthit, y/n. Do not cum on those fucking fingers." She spat, prouncing all words to the t slowly and deliberately.

Her words planted an idea in your mind and you grinned mischeviously.

"Yes, captain." You replied and gradually pulled your fingers away, your pussy instantly clenching and protesting.

"Good. Now go to sleep." She ordered but you ignore her as you got off the bed and went over to the closet with one of Carol's straps. You bit your lip at the site of the perfect silicone and took it back to the bed.

You stripped off your panties and flung them across the room before laying down again and being thankful Carol hadn't hung up, probably dissatisfied by you not responding to her.

"I miss you fucking me with your cock, captain." You said truthfully into the mic. You didn't miss the uneven breath from Carol that she tried to fix.

"I'm glad you left my favourite behind." You smirked as your fingers stroked the toy.

"Don't even think about it." Carol warned but you disregarded her again as you placed the strap at your entrance, not even needing lube because of how wet you were and especially as you all but edged yourself just a minute prior. Granted, Carol rarely decided to use it either.

You made sure your head was tilted towards you phone that was close to you so your increasingly frustrated girlfriend could hear how your breathing was increasing in anticipation.

Her additional warnings fell on death ears as you only focused on those sound of her voice rather than the message. You were faintly aware of the threats and her telling you you were a disrespectful whore.

You moaned in response to her when the strap pressed itself further against your pussy lips as they eagerly spread themselves apart for the silicone.

You moaned even louder when the intruder was pushing it's way inside you, all the time imagining Carol above you while she whispered dirty truths to you like a secret.

"Captain." You whimpered as you pushed the strap on further, the result being your walls clamping down on it and your juices aiding it all.

You could hear Carol's breathing increase too, clearly turned on by hearing you fuck yourself with her strap and getting off to imaging her. But she would never admit that.

"It feels so good." You moaned as you pulled the strap out, only to have it return with force you hadn't realise you could conjour.

Her breathing hitches as she hears the wet sounds your pussy makes when you thrust the already soaking toy into your needy pussy. You do this continuously as you set a steady pace and lift your hips up slightly to give yourself better access.

Your pace doesn't falter and the strap continues the thrust into you, not nearly matching the pace Carol would give but knowing she'd up that when she gets back. The very thought of how rough she would be with you makes you gush with wetness and amplifies the sounds your pussy is making.

You moan louder into the mic as you mutter Carol's name over and over, as though doing so could make her appear.

"I'm gonna cum." You breathe out heavily and whimper as you approach you high.

"Don't." Carol orders and you can practically hear her teeth gritting between words.

With that command, you whole body tenses up and you back arches. You moan the loudest you had all night as you reach you first orgasm in weeks. "I'm cumming, I'm cumming!" You practically scream as you clench desperetly around the strap as you cum hard on the toy, shaking in pleasure as some of your white, sticky liquid escapes around the sides of the toy and spreads across your thigh as you clench them together after pulling the strap out.

You hadn't even regained your breath when Carol speaks her final words that night.

"You're going to regret that."

My Captain has ended the call.

Part two

[jigenshat]

hc that jigen, despite what others believe, would be a bang up dad if given the chance to

like??? in the pov of the one hes caring for:

-hella supportive of whatever you do. straight up would cheer for ya in whatever u show him. like art? mans cheering and cryibg at ur work. gaming? oh hell yeah u defeated the boss way to go kiddo!

-cooks ur fave frequently while also introducing u to new food from the many countries hes visited with the gang. he teaches u too if ur up to learn

-mans great hugger. all im gonna say

-respects tf otta ya. no talking down, yellin bout respect, or pulling the age card. man respects ur thoughts, hell u can even change his mind on some things

and dont get me started on being the coparent like:

-SUPER DOMESTIC MOMENTSS IM TALKIN CLEANING DAYS, COOKING TOGETHER, HELL EVEN GOING SHOPPING LIKE?? DAMN

-probably showing off his multitask skills like bro its cool but ur gonna set the house on fire.

-still great hugs, but damn if those hugs arnt the most fuffiling thing u can get

-random or sudden kisses or hug attacks? yessir man would give ya a peck or two, call ya darlin, n move onto making pasta for the group

-the absolute dichotomy between him at work v him at home got everyone simpin bad. hell even lupin takes up quicker schemes because having jigen around just yelling at the washer while goemons helpin in lunch

-this applies to the gang too like bruh jigen ironing and cleaning lupins suits n him getting it back like its brand new. goemon getting his room cleaned but having his items left where they are so he can clean it up himself, as well as leaving the zantutsken alone even tho goemon lets him know he trusts him with it.

-fujiko too, like shes staying for a while n jigen pulls the ole "its -10, you cant go out like that unless you want to freeze to death. need leggings? i think blues better with the skirt." and despite them hating each other she listens to his advice n vice versa

-ZENI TOO MAN LOSES ANOTHER HANDCUFF TO LUPIN N JIGENS LIKE: ayo pops u left this earlier. n zenis like "aye ty" and just leaves it at that

NO THOUGHTS JUST DOMESTIC JIGEN BRAINROT

ok so since i got this ask my mind has been entirely thinking about dad!jigen and yeah also just a domestic jigen in general. but the dad stuff?? i've been pining and broody and oh wow he would make the best dad.

jigen would see his child as the best thing he ever did. and he can't believe he did it. they're amazing – cute, clever, curious. he adores them and is completely fascinated by them. he wants to be with them all the time, watch them discover all the new parts of their world. hearing their little voice ask him questions about any and every topic makes his day. he never brushes off any subject they bring up and will talk to them about it earnestly and extensively. if there's something he doesn't know, he encourages them to go research it together.

he likes to tell them stories about all the places he has lived and visited. every night when he tucks them lovingly into bed, he prepares another anecdote for a bedtime story. once his tiny beloved has drifted off to sleep, he gently places a kiss on their forehead or temple and makes sure both them and all their plushies are tucked in really tight. he does this every night without fail. even if he isn't back from a heist until the early hours of the morning, he will be sure to check on his baby before heading to bed himself.

because he shows so much of his affection so openly to his child, they adore him just as he does them. they'll wake up early in the morning and run into his room. he's alert to the pitter patter of their little feet and is always half awake as they walk into the room. even with heavy eyelids and barely an hour of sleep to his name that night, he'll hoist them up onto the bed with him and give them the biggest hug. he'll try to keep up with their babbling in his tired state. sometimes the little one will try to tickle him awake and in hearing their mischevious joy and laughter, he is helpless not to wake up and fix them both some breakfast.

everything they're interested in, he tries to become interested in too. from their favourite tv shows to their favourite classes at school. jigen wants to understand their brain and why they enjoy what they do. he also wants them to know their dad is always going to be there to support them in their future endeavours.

the whole experience of being a father has changed his outlook at work a bit. he's much less willing to put his life on the line. he has a lot to live for and there is someone whose life depends on him everyday. he always makes clear to the gang when he can't go on a mission for fear of the worst and encourages them to give it a miss. he still cares for all of them and fears for their safety. he wouldn't want not being with them the reason for someone getting badly hurt or worse. when he can't join, or is doing some logisitcal work from the safehouse, he'll take his dad skills and put them to work with the gang. they're super disorganised and messy and don't take half of enough care of themselves. he'll put things back into place, make sure their beds are made, they have fresh clothes to change into and warm food to come home to. he doesn't want thanks for it, in fact he'd rather no one mention it, he's just happy to see them all home safe at the end of a busy heist.

[ymiwritesstuff]

I know I've already given you a request but this is stuck in my head. Could you do a Gyro x female vampire reader who is trying to go without feeding but just becomes weaker as a result and Gyro has to help her? Thank you and you're amazing!!!

Aah, thanks so much for the request and I am so sorry this took so long. I hope this will make up for it. I tried my best as I still need to get used to writing regularly but I sincerely hope you enjoy this!

Regaining Strength

Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure Part 7: Steel Ball Run

Gyro Zeppeli x Vampire!Fem!Reader

Summary: When the sun begins to raise the three travelers find themselves spending the upcoming day resting at a motel. However you quickly notice something isn’t right and it doesn’t take long before a certain Italian offers his help.

Notes: A bit of blood

The sun peaked over the vast horizon, bringing the rays of yet another morning with it and coating the area in a pleasant warm glow. This would mean yet another day of tiring riding for the majority of the racers of the Steel Ball Run, but not for a certain group of three.

The staff of the small motel looked at you and the two males rather curiously when you reserved a room to spend the day in, having been riding on horseback the entire night. Competitors occasionally traveled during the dark time of the day, however, none did this as consistently and often as you did. And the sole reason for this unusual time of travel was you.

Being a vampire provided a certain set of advantages but with those advantages came things that made life just a tad bit more difficult. Any exposure to sunlight could mean certain death for someone like you so the only way you could advance in the already dangerous race was doing so only when the sun set. Fortunately for you, you quickly found yourself in the company of Johnny and Gyro, the latter of which you had grown quite fond of during the Steel Ball Run.

After the curtains of the room you were to reside in had been closed and the young Joestar fell into a deep sleep on one of the beds, you found yourself looking around the quite charming space surrounding you, while secretly looking for any places from which the deadly sun could seep through. Gyro stood in front of the now-closed curtains and carefully peeked through, as he often did.

“Damn, the daytime looks so weird now. Who knew I’d get used to being awake at night so quickly,” he said while his emerald eyes scanned the sight of the morning before him. You looked at him while standing next to one of the empty beds and chuckled lightly. “Welcome to my world.” The Italian glanced at you and flashed a grin that slightly showed his golden teeth before turning back to the window.

“You sure you don’t wanna come take a look at this? The sun looks awfully pretty today,” he joked, knowing full well that his request would receive no action as you weren’t dumb enough to walk into certain death. Still, you played along.

“Oh, really? Well, perhaps I should-”

“When did you last eat?”

Suddenly, completely out of nowhere your legs gave out and you instinctively relied on the bed next to you for support. Your vision got strangely blurry and everything around you seemed to spin and distort in all kinds of ways. Having heard your sentence cut short as well as the small groan that left your mouth, Gyro quickly turned around, his previous joking attitude disappearing entirely.

“(Name)? Everything alright?” He swiftly approached you and helped you on your feet once more, however the strange dizziness was still very much apparent. “Y-yeah... I just... Felt dizzy all of a sudden...” Your hands held onto him for support while your mind tried to go through the possible causes for this sudden sensation. You were just about to realize what made you feel this sick, but Gyro seemed to reach a conclusion faster.

His question immediately caused you to look up at him and you began thinking back at the earlier events of the night. The distance you rode with your horses was a long one and Gyro made sure you were properly fed the entire time. However, for some reason, the feeling of hunger never hit you, or you had somehow managed to ignore it entirely. “Just before we started moving,” you say quietly, as you know that he realized just how many hours it had been.

Consuming blood was something you never enjoyed, yet you had to do it in order to stay alive. Starvation was already bad for a human, but when a vampire like you was in its clutches, things could get dangerous quickly. Gyro stayed quiet for a few seconds and you expected him to scold you for allowing yourself to go without food for such a long time, but instead, he let go of you and walked to the bed you had been next to, sitting down.

“Alright, you know the drill,” he said and began to remove his scarf that was loosely around his neck, the sight of which immediately made your eyes glow. “You know I’ll worry my ass off if you don’t eat.” His voice was unusually serious. Despite his playful and sometimes sarcastic personality, Gyro took you and anything you needed very seriously, to the point where he didn’t mind offering his blood in order to keep you strong. However, he also knew of your unwillingness to feed on human blood, let alone his.

“Gyro... You know I don’t want to. Besides, I feel just fine. Look,” You spun around a couple of times to try to convince him that you didn’t feel the previous dizziness anymore. But you couldn’t control the underlying desire to consume the delicious liquid flowing under the skin of his neck. Gyro looked at you, giving you a look that was not impressed by your convincing and you secretly knew he wasn’t going to let this one go.

“(Name), you know damn well I’m not gonna move or rest until you’ve been fed.” He said, still looking at you with eyes that were filled with determination and slight worry. He was stubborn about all of this, but it only because he cared. His gaze softened lightly. “I’ll be fine, you don’t need to worry your pretty little head off.” The small hint of playfulness in his voice returned and admittedly eased your discomfort slightly. However, you were still reluctant.

“But... What if I drink too much?” Your thoughts immediately went back to the last time you had drunk his blood and just how overwhelming the feeling had been. It was always risky and the last thing you wanted was to hurt him. His brows frowned slightly, but his gorgeous emerald green eyes were still locked on your currently weakened form.

“You won’t.” This caused you to finally look at him. The amount of confidence his words had puzzled you, how could he be so sure? “Gyro, this isn’t a game. How could you possibly know-”

“Because I trust you.” The way he spoke stuck to you like tar, his words reaching the very core of your being. He knew the risks, but was still willing to help you in any way he could, from traveling at night just so he could have you near him, to offering you his very own blood that you needed now more than ever. You accepted defeat with a sigh and made your way to him. It was not merely because his words and trust in a creature of the night had such an effect on you, it was also because the unbearable lust for blood seemed to partially be controlling your movements, your nose picking up the scent of the liquid under his skin.

You swallowed nervously as you sat next to him, the sound of his blood flowing in his veins echoing in your ears. “Just... Please tell me if it gets too intense,” you said, voice barely audible. “Sure thing, cara.” You barely caught the reassuring grin he flashed you as your eyes were already staring at the spot you desperately wanted to sink your fangs into. With slow movements, you lowered yourself to his neck and could hear his heart beating rapidly, despite his calm demeanor from the outside. It calmed you in a way.

With a small sniff you took in the captivating scent of his blood and after placing a gentle kiss on the soft skin of his neck, you pierced the delicate flesh with your fangs and immediately felt him flinch. You held onto him and as soon as the warm liquid hit the sensitive sensors on your tongue, something snapped within you, and that overwhelming lust you experienced last time you did this only seemed to grow. With every gulp, you regained your strength, and the more you consumed, the more addicting it became

It was unreal. Your claws gripped onto the material of his shirt and the desire to feel stronger kept your fangs in his neck even after you had devoured enough. You couldn’t stop. You wanted more. You needed more. All the surrounding sounds were overpowered by your own inner voices demanding more of that heavenly blood of his. It was intense, and Gyro could feel it too.

“W-woah... Hey, listen, (Name),” he said, his voice becoming much quieter and raspier. He felt his blood being drained from him and as your lust grew and your grip on him tightened, he knew it was time to stop. “I... I think you’ve had enough...” He gently grabbed your shoulders, which fortunately seemed to bring you back to reality as almost immediately, he could no longer feel your fangs digging into his skin.

Your (E/C) eyes looked up at him, worry sparkling in them. You were so quick to check up on him, you didn’t even notice the blood dripping from the corners of your mouth. “Are you okay?” You simply asked, feeling stronger than before, but worried about his condition. As a response, he merely chuckled. “Don’t worry, I’m fine. And you seem to be as well.” He said and looked at you, noting just how much better and healthier you looked. A sigh of relief escapes your lips and after you wipe the remaining liquid from your lips, you gently bring them to his cheek, as a sign of gratitude.

“Thank you.”

Gyro grinned at your action and immediately threw his arm around you. “Anything for you. Oh, and thank you for not killing me.” He joked once again, which made you giggle and wrap your arms around his neck.

“Of course, dear. If you died who would be my personal blood bag?”

The fact that he seemingly took this lightly was unbelievable to you, but then again, Gyro Zeppeli was one of a kind and you were fortunate to have him by your side.

[panic-at-the-fiction]

Hello Darling pt3

Summary: (y/n) is the salvatores younger sister and she is low key in love with one of the originals. You know which one. The only problem is he is a low key psychopath and neither of them remember that this isn’t their first meeting.

Warnings: just harmless flirting

A/N: I’ve been in love with Kol Mikaelson for 3 days now. I’m being forced to watch vampire diaries with my mom and Kol and the rest of the original family are like the only reason I’m still watching it.

You hadn't gotten any sleep last night. You spent 3 hours in the emergency room with Matt because he wouldn't drink your blood. He didn't want to risk becoming a vampire. But you were trying to be a nice person nowadays so you respected his decision and waited with him at the ER. You didn't get home till 4 in the morning, and it took you at least an hour to get out of that stupid dress you had worn. You really wish you hadn't had gone to that stupid party. It had been filled with one disappointment after another, but now you were home in your apartment. With no annoying brothers, no doppelgänger sluts, and no originals. The sun was coming up and you were finally able to get some sleep for the day.

You didn't wake up till about 12 in the afternoon. By the time you showered and left your apartment it was already 1 o'clock so you were shocked when you arrived at your brothers house in time to see Rebekah Mikaelson leaving in the same dress she had worn to the party the night before. She only ignored you and walked out of the house. Not even making eye contact with you.

Damon walked down the stairs barely dressed after having obviously just taken a shower.

"What was Rebekah doing here?" You knew exactly what she had been doing, but you needed your brother to admit it.

"She was just leaving." He smiled and walked away trying to ignore your question. You followed him into the library.

"No Damon, I mean why was she here in the first place?"

"I may or may not have gotten drunk and brought her back here after Elena shut me down last night." He poured himself a drink.

You couldn't help but laugh at your ass of an older brother. It was only a couple hours ago that he accused you of sleeping with an original and here he is brushing off his one night stand like it didn't matter that he's a big fat hypocrite. "You know what? Eat Shit Damon."

"Aww come on (y/n) so what if I slept with Rebekah. Why do you care?"

"I care because last night when you weren't busy fawning over Elena you were slut shaming me for being around an original but today you're sleeping with one of them like it's no big deal. So yeah, Damon. eat shit and see if I care!" You stormed out of the house, not wanting to be around your brother any longer. He was a jerk and he never made an effort to apologize for it. Not like he did with Stefan at least.

You decide it was best if you went back to not caring and day drinking. So you headed back to the mystic grill and picked back up where you left off yesterday, half way through a bottle of whiskey.

By the time ten o'clock rolled around you were on your fourth bottle of whiskey and you were starting to crave something stronger, something that didn't come from a bottle. You looked around the room eyeing everyone in the bar. It was really packed since it was ten-o'clock on a Saturday. You were sizing everybody up to see who you could snatch away and take a bite out of. You notice some girl walking towards the bathroom. You quickly finished your drink and tried to go after the girl. But when you turned to leave your seat Kol was standing in front of you, blocking you from going after the girl.

"Hello Darling, I see your day drinking again. Whiskey of all things. Most girls are into champagne and fruity cocktails nowadays but you really aren't must girls are you." He set his coat on the back of the chair and set down next to you at the bar.

You really didn't want to see Kol right now or really ever. You saw another girl head to the bathroom so you gave up trying to feed from them and refilled your whiskey glass. "Not like most girls? Was that supposed to be a complement? You're gonna have to do better than that after what you did." You kept staring at the wall in front of you. You didn't want to look at him right now. Hell you didn't want him to be there right now.

"Oh yes how is the quarterback? All hyped on vampire juice and healed now?"

"No, he wouldn't take my blood. I had to sit in the ER with him all last night."

"Oh so is that why you're here drinking?"

"Why are you here Kol?" You turned to face him.

"Would you believe if I said that I care about your problems?" You rolled your eyes and you could tell he was just being sarcastic. "Yeah I wouldn't either. I'm not usually the one to care about other people and their problems. That was usually Elijah. Though I do feel different after having been daggered and living in a coffin for so long maybe I can give it go. So how about you tell me your problems and I'll tell you mine?"

You ignored him, just went back to staring at the wall and drinking your whiskey. "Well fine then I'll start first. Today my brother and my mother tried to kill me and all of my siblings, but then your brothers accidentally stopped them by killing my brother, permanently this time, before my mother could complete her spell. So now she's off in the wind trying to figure out how to finish us off."

He took the whiskey bottle from you and grabbed an empty glass to fill it up. You just stared at him, you felt bad about what had happened to him. You couldn't even imagine what he must be feeling right now. "I'm so sorry about what happened with your mother and for what my brothers did. I had no idea they were planning any of this. Which one of your brothers was it?"

"Finn." He downed what he could of the whiskey and refilled. He was obviously having a bad day.

"Were you two close?"

"No not really. He was a lot older and he spent the better half of the last millennium in a box for having a stick up his ass."

"Your family is something else."

He laughed a bit "You're telling me. So what happened to you today? Couldn't be any worse than my day."

"No but it wasn't any good." Kol just kept drinking and nodded along. "Went to my brother's house this afternoon to check in on them and make peace after last night. Turns out he and your sister hooked up last night. So I called him a hypocritical dick for yelling at me last night and for accusing me of sleeping with you then stormed out of the house and came here."

"So that's where Rebekah was last night. I'll have to remember to torment her later with that." He raised his glass and clinked it with yours, "Cheers."

"Cheers." You couldn't help but to stare at Kol. Despite everything he did last night you didn't hate him. He was different tonight, he wasn't cocky and confident he seemed genuine. About an hour and a bottle later. You were both pretty drunk, even for vampires. You found yourself once again wanting to spend more time with the jerk. After everything he did to your friend you still liked him, more than you probably should have. Everything about him just seemed so familiar and comfortable.

You decided it was best that you left before you tried to do anything you might regret. "I should probably get going, it's late."

"Do you need me to walk you home or get you a cab?" Kol started to laugh, "I'm trying to be nice here, I'm not sure it's working for me."

"No, I'll be okay. I don't live far from here." You got up and started to walk towards the door as Kol stopped you about half way.

"Hey (y/n) wait!" He grabbed your wrist and turned you around to face him. "I'm sorry about what I did at the ball yesterday. I was mad at my sister and I took it out on your friend Matt and your brother."

It fell silent between you two for a moment. Kol was still holding your wrist in his hand. You started to laugh, "What's so funny?"

"Nothing, it's just, you're apologizing for trying to kill my only friend and my brother and I've just forgiven you. I'm not even upset about it, Because I've been there before, when you're so mad at someone that you take it out on someone else. It's just so weird I should be mad at you right now but I'm not. Part of me likes you even more now." You just kept laughing at yourself. You were totally drunk off your ass. You didn't even realize you said you liked him out loud.

"Wait did you just say you like me more now? So you actually did like me before?" Kol smiled at you. You were mad at yourself for saying that out loud but glad you got Kol to perk up a bit. You noticed him moving a bit closer to you.

"Maybe" the alcohol was really kicking in. You felt more confident than you had in a long while.

Kol leaned down a bit so you two were closer together "Does that mean I still have a chance?"

"Maybe." You saw him glance down a few times to stare at your lips too. You both were waiting for someone else to make the first move. You were as close as you two could get without touching.

Tired of the waiting, Kol closed the gap between you. He pulled you closer by your wrists before moving his hands to the side of your face. Your hands ran up through his short brown hair. You could already taste the whiskey on him. It didn't take you long before you both were gasping for air and had to pull apart slightly. Neither of you could seem to decide what to say next.

You broke the silence, "You know on second thought I might need a walk home. My place is just two blocks over."

Kol pulled away from you and laughed. He quickly grabbed his coat from the back of his chair. He smiled and held his hand out to you "Well then, lead the way."

I just want to say thanks again to @hellish-ramblings-of-an-emo for helping me edit these and get these first few chapters out here. You have been such an inspiration to me and you make me want to write more everyday!

Also thank you to all the people who have been liking this story and I’ll be posting new chapter from now on every week! I would also love to take request for fic ideas to help me fill up this blog with stories.

[snapdragon-mina]

Sunflowers and Snakes

Pairing: Dabi x Reader x Hawks

A/n: Written for the Bnha spring time event. Hi @amaamajiki , I'm your anon! I really hope you like this lmao.

Word Count: 2.25k

Warnings: Sorta spoilers for bnha, swearing, blood mention, Suggestive themes(Very very minor)

For the first time in about a month, You could go home on time. The restaurant you worked in constantly asked for you to work overtime. The only reason you continuously agreed was for that sweet sweet paycheck. Fortunately, everyone else was at work and did their jobs, so you were free to go home and cuddle the shit out of your dog. 

When you got home, all you could hear was the sound of paws on wood before your life flashed before your eyes. Seems your dog missed you a little too much because he pounced, knocking you off balance, and eagerly started licking your face. 

"Okay! Okay! Hey let's make a deal. If you get off of me, I'll give you a surprise?" You held your dog away from your face with one arm, while wiping off the sheer amount of dog slobber that was on your face with the other. The dog paused as if he were thinking before moving off of you and sitting down with a sharp bark. 

"That's a good boy." You smiled at him before turning on the TV for background noise. You walked into the kitchen to fix your dog's food. After pouring the food into the bowl, you stuck a lil treat in there. Boom! Recipe for a happy Schnauzer. The moment you sat the bowl down, he shot forwards and barely gave you back out of the way. 

Shaking your head, you walked back into your living room and sat on the couch. Moments of complete peace were hard to come by. After the fall of All Might, nobody was really safe. I mean, Endeavor doesn't give a shit about his fans, so why should you trust him to protect you? 

From what you gathered, the number two hero, Hawks has actually started searching for his soulmate. When asked to show off his tattoo, he refused. Something about "The thrill of the hunt". 

Tattoos are typically two of a kind. Only two people would have the same tattoo. Speaking of soulmate tattoos, Yours was a Snake winding around a single sunflower. It was actually huge, since it covered your entire left arm. It was a really cool design when you think about it.

A small whine managed to shake you out of your thoughts. You got up, grabbed the yellow leash, and hooked it to the matching yellow collar your dog wore. "Come on pretty pup, it's been awhile since I've had time to go on a walk, huh?"

He barked in response as his stubby little tail wagged rapidly. You opened the door and locked it behind you before letting yourself be led by your dog. Around five minutes into the walk, you felt your arm grow warm. Apparently your soulmate was close. It was like a game of hot and cold until you bumped into a guy with a black trenchcoat. Your arm felt extremely hot, so you looked at him. 

"You gonna apologize? You were the one that bumped into me." He had a relatively bored tone of voice. He was eerily calm for someone to be in this scenario. It felt like his eyes were staring deeply into your soul.

"Yeah uh, sorry… But-" You couldn't even finish your sentence, because he walked off with a dismissive wave. You wanted to follow after him, but your dear dog had decided he wanted to shit right then and there. You were forced to wait on him to finish. 

After cleaning up and disposing of the waste, you just decided to go back home to get some much deserved rest.

•••

Two weeks later, you had a day off and it was really nice outside, so why not go for a walk through the forest? You went through your typical morning routine and got dressed. You fed your dog and took him out for a bit. "Alright pup, I'll be back soon, okay?" You blew a lil air kiss and left the house. 

After roughly 15 minutes, you reached a clearing in the forest. It was peaceful and nothing seemed to be out of place. There was a river a few steps away from you, and all sorts of flowers blooming. The trees actually provided very nice shade. You wouldn't mind living out here or at least somewhere just as peaceful as it was out here.

You took a deep breath and sat on a nearby stump, just taking in nature. You didn't get to enjoy the peace for long, due to the sudden burn on your left arm. Your soulmate was quickly approaching your location. You glanced around, but didn't see anyone. Yet your arm was getting warmer and warmer. 

Suddenly, a voice spoke out. "You're the person from that night, right?"

You recognized that voice. You focused on where the sound came from and fixated on where he was standing. He was leaning against a tree with his arms crossed. "Yeah, I am. Hey can I-"

"I'm not your soulmate." He interjected. You shot him a confused look. There was no way you were wrong about this. "Don't believe me? I don't even have a tattoo." He held up both of his scarred arms. 

This only served to confuse you more. "Yeah no, I'm right. There's no fucking way I'm wrong." You shot back. He raised an eyebrow at you. 

"Are you sure about that? People are born without soulmates, y'know." He said.

"Let's say you aren't my soulmate. Why the hell did you follow me here?" You sighed, already annoyed that he ruined your perfectly peaceful moment. 

"Because I know who is." 

"Why would you help me? You don't seem like the type to help someone just out of the kindness of your heart." You narrowed your eyes and he laughed. He laughed at you. 

"Oh trust me, I'll be getting a pretty little payment for this," His eyes shone with amusement. "Follow me."

He walked off. Bold of him to assume you were gonna follow him. You stayed put for a moment before ultimately realizing it was useless. You had to speed walk to catch up to him. He walked out of the forest and towards a building that was pretty much hidden from view. 

Your arm was still extremely warm, due to you being close to the strange man. Hold on. You don't even know his name and yet you followed him to some secluded building where he's probably gonna-

"Dabi." 

The statement broke you out of your train of thought. That was… weirdly coincidental. He suddenly announced his name just as your mind began to wander. "Yeah… I'm Y/l/n Y/n…" 

He just hummed in response, as he continued to lead you through the strange building. Eventually the two of you came to a stop. The both of you stood in front of a door that had been painted red. He didn't even bother knocking and simply opened the door, revealing none other than the number two hero. 

Hawks' head perked up at the sound of the door opening and grinned lazily. "Hey, thanks again for bringing her." He had a glint in his eyes. Like he knew something you didn't. 

"Mhm. I'm expecting my… you piece of shit." Dabi trailed off before there was suddenly emotion in his voice. It definitely wasn't a good one. Had something happened between the two of them? Should you leave? Yeah… you definitely should. Dabi seemed extremely hostile and you were getting bad vibes. You went to take a step back but paused when you felt a hand tightly grip your wrist. 

"Huh?"

"You aren't going anywhere" His eyes were still focused on Hawks. Nobody moved for a moment before suddenly, the hostility drained from the air. Dabi let go of your wrist and walked out of the room. 

"Hawks-"

"Call me Keigo."

"Okay, Keigo… can you explain to me why I'm here?" The past like 5 minutes was a trip from start to finish and you really wanted answers. Keigo patted the spot next to him, so you took a seat and waited for him to start. 

"Your arm still feels really warm despite Dabi no longer being in the room, right?" His feathers ruffled slightly as a breeze drifted through the window. You nodded, unsure of what to think before it hit you. His grin got wider and he removed his jacket. "Well, Y/n, we're soulmates." He held out his left arm for you to see. Low and behold, The exact same tattoo was covering it. 

You felt extremely happy that you'd found your soulmate, but still extremely confused. How did your tattoo still burn in Dabi's presence if Hawks was your soulmate? It didn't make sense. 

"I should probably explain Dabi since he won't do it himself, and you're probably hella confused. Dabi is also our soulmate." 

That… that actually makes sense. You nod as Hawks explains everything and suddenly he gets to a topic that you'd been curious about for a while now.

"Because of his scarring, he no longer has the tattoo. But nature had him covered because he developed a telepathic connection to both of us. Aka, he can very easily read our minds."

That made even more sense. But that doesn't explain why he refused you as a soulmate. You shook off that thought and decided to get to know Hawks a little better. Eventually the two of you came to an agreement. Since you liked to cook, and he liked eating, sometime this month, you'd bake or fry chicken for him. 

It was starting to get dark and your dog probably missed you, so you decided to try to find Dabi. 

Dabi did not want to be found. It took you 30 minutes to finally get to him, and when you did he ignored any small talk you tried to initiate. Eventually he grew tired of your shit. "Look, I'm not your soulmate. Leave me alone."

"Yeah? Bullshit. Hawks explained everything to me. Why are you brushing me off?" 

"I don't fucking need a soulmate. Certainly not someone like you or Hawks." He snarled, turning on his heels to walk away. 

"I don't care about what you think you need. You need us, you can't deny that!" You argued back. You were really starting to get sick of this.

"I can and I will." 

And with that, he walked away. You balled your hands into fists tightly. You would've stayed, but your dog needed someone to take care of him.

•••

Almost a month had gone by since that argument, between you and Dabi and you hadn't heard from him since. Hawks moved in and actively bothered the hell out of your dog. He would complain about him biting his feathers, but you would often catch him sleeping with y/d/n curled up at his side. 

You were in the middle of baking cookies when a crash could be heard from within the house. You grabbed a kitchen knife and went to investigate the sound. It couldn't have been the dog, he was asleep when the crash was heard. Silently walking into the room the sound was heard from, you were kinda shocked to see him. 

He had numerous cuts in various sizes on his body. All of them were bleeding. "I just need somewhere to lay low for a bit, I'll be gone by morning." 

"Dabi…" Your heart ached at the sight of him, but you refused to be someone he could walk all over. "Get out."

It seemed like he was too preoccupied to listen to your thoughts, because your words shocked him. "...Out? Y/n, it's me." 

"I know. But you said you didn't need us, yet here you are." You stood your ground and he stared up at you for a moment. He was analyzing you, seeming like he was studying you for a weakness he could exploit. 

He let out a sigh and spoke under his breath. You raised an eyebrow at this and he cleared his throat before speaking up. "...I'm sorry. I just… don't want the two of you dragged down with me."

"Elaborate." You demanded and he nodded. 

"I'm a villain, you're a civilian, and Hawks is the number two hero. Being associated with me is like killing your chances to actually do something with your life." He hissed out. Seemed like the pain from his wounds was getting to him. 

You helped him up and led him into the bathroom. There, you cleaned up and bandaged his wounds. He studied your face carefully and you worked. "No hard feelings?" 

"No hard feelings. But Keigo should be getting home soon, so you're gonna have to relay your little speech again." You snorted as you finished up. He stood up and walked out of the bathroom with you trailing behind him. 

The two of you walked into the kitchen. You pulled the cookies out of the oven and offered one up as a peace treaty. He rolled his eyes and pecked you on your lips as a peace treaty. 

A minute or so later, Hawks walked in. He noticed Dabi sitting on the counter with a chamomile flower crown on his head. How you managed to get him to wear that is unknown to humanity. 

"Yeah, I'm gonna live here from now on. And no, you won't be topping."

Hawks rolled his eyes as you laughed. "At least you're not being a pussy about soulmates anymore."

"Fuck you too."

[san-station]

A Quiet Place AU / ATEEZ (Post-apocalyptic)

Chapter 6

↝Word count: 3.6k

Description: In a world full of silence and dangerous creatures seeking for blood, a group of friends have to survive for their own good and find the safe place they've heard about months ago.

Pairing: San x OC

WARNING: mention of death, depression, cursing.

・・・・・・・・

With every storm, there’s a rainbow somewhere.

It’s pretty odd to say that after Misuk’s death, the #439 day began as a peaceful day. That Monday Mingi, Wooyoung and Yeosang walked around the periphery recollecting some vegetables that were on our garden behind the old building, I joined a couple hours later just grabbed some fruits and keep an eye on the boys. We talked about how vegetables tasted better than ever and Mingi tried to figure out if the reason was some kind of radioactive answer. Wooyoung tried to hold his sharp laugh eating tons of strawberries, they tained his teeth red for six hours. We also found two raccoon bodies smashed in the middle of the tomatoes, so we figured we had to be more careful outside the building to prepare the runaway. Meanwhile, Yeosang and I recollected some carrots and oranges, the tension between us was visible, we made eye contact three times and the three times I almost growled at him, still mad about last night. I was trying to distract myself from the events of the day before with them, but the thoughts were only intensify by the animal blood near the garden. 

At night, we had dinner indoors, most of the guys were chatting about the few days we had in there, remaking a new plan for us to start heading to our supposed new home, Wonderland. However, Seonghwa seemed too caught up on his own world that he didn’t even touch his fish or veggies; and if stares could burn you, Seonghwa caught me staring at him. The worrying look on my face made him give me a smile to put an ease to my thoughts, he started to eat after I gulped a glass of water and gesture him swallow everything on his plate. I knew he was as affected as I was, maybe even more. Hongjoong had told us he felt guilty for not being able to protect Misuk when he was the strongest between the three of us, it made no sense if he also would’ve been killed. 

Things turned a little tense when Wooyoung mentioned our discovery on the tomatoes garden. 

"You're not allowed to go outside again this week", Hongjoong had said to me when I washed the dishes. He thought that my scent could have probably attracted the creatures near our house. I agreed bluntly as Mingi hugged my back and reassure that everything would be okay. 

On Tuesday, Yunho, Wooyoung and Jongho prepared an incredible meal with the supplies we brought, the amused moment was when they realized they couldn't cook without Seonghwa, who was out fixing a fissure in the water pipe, it was caused by that time when Wooyoung went to bathroom. Yeah, he was right, that shit was pretty messy. Literally.  I really wanted to go with him but he agreed to go by himself because “he was okay alone”. Saying I was hurt was an understatement… By the end of the day, I took care of gathering some supplies for our road trip, organized our food, water, clothes, pills and guns. We were obligated to dominate the art of shooting and targeting stuffs, luckily, we used them once in the forest yet we didn’t like to use them due to obvious reasons: noise. 

Anyway, as for San and Hongjoong, they never got out of the oldest bedroom till it was night time. San was carrying a notebook and some papers down his armpits while he grabbed a cup of the black coffee I made for Hongjoong and gave me a flash smile. Sometimes, San and I smiled at each other from time to time when our eyes met for too long, but he still was an idiot with big ego trying to make me mad at everything he did. I wasn’t sure of that new attitude of his, but it was better than his stearn and cold eyes.

On Wednesday, we all played Monopoly and remained in the basement for safety, if raccoons died the day before, we had to be aware of anything. So, we ended up hating Hongjoong and his fucking cute laugh as he robbed all of our money when we stepped in all his properties, Mingi kept fake-crying for an entire hour as Hongjoong took his little red houses from the spots he bought and he placed his purple buildings instead. Yeosang, Mr. Corrupt Bank, smiled devilish as he handed Hongjoong the last few dollars of the game. That little bastard knew how to play or he was a mastermind on cheating. San almost punched him and almost threw the game board as he perished in the jail longer than anyone else. We laughed till our bellies hurt, until our eyes cried, until our cheeks felt hot and our backs collided on the basement floor. The tension around us for the last three days faded away in that exact minute, we were just a group of young adults fooling around with our friends and classmates before Kihwang would come from his Art History class and would yell at us to start running over the place. But he never came, and we never ran, and all that we once knew as a normal life became a living hell as we played seek and hide with some freaking aliens. What a plot twist, bro. 

On Thursday, I made a peace alliance with Yeosang, not because either of us wanted to, we had to clean the basement with Seonghwa while the others were risking their lives outside looking for some fishy delight; before they left, Hongjoong made us pretty clear that we had to “put our shit together or else…”, we didn’t want to know the or else..., so we established that we had to figure how to stop looking for each other's throats and befriend one more time. Seonghwa was the mediator, so everything went just fine after some cursing, death wishes, some tears and a hug.

The guys came back three hours later, the river was near the abandoned city so the walk would be tedious. By the time they opened the basement door, Yeosang and Seonghwa were having a big discussion about a puppet show they started to put a smile on our faces.  After cleaning, I was worrying sick about everyone not coming home, so Yeosang thought it might be a good distraction. The show included my fluffy cat, Yeosang’s stuffed turtle, Seonghwa's big red Angry Bird character and San’s puppy, Shiber. 

“She has to marry Private Ryan”, Seonghwa grabbed his fluffy bird and placed my cat next to it. Yeosang frowned, grabbed the cat and placed it next to his turtle.

“Ehm, no, she has to marry Larry”.

“No one wants to marry Larry, Yeosang”, Seonghwa spoke as he, once again, took Manny, the cat, and put it aside the animals. I was staring at them the whole time sipping a glass of water in silence because I've already tried to speak and they almost ate me alive. They decided to have “fun” trying to create some kind of bad soap opera, oblivious that the real drama was getting closer and closer. 

“Fuck you, everyone wants to marry Larry, even Private Ryan”, Yeosang looked offended and hugged his turtle as if it was alive, he was trying to calm Larry down by caressing its shell. 

“How could anyone marry him? He’s too slow for this, the cat needs some real man that can fly her away from monsters”, the black haired man logically explained and grinn when he watched me hiding a smile. It seemed that the main characters didn't realize the boys were there, waiting for some answers about the childish show. San looked exhausted thought. Despites the arguments for my kitten marrying the turtle or the bird, San walked to the couch I was sat on, grabbed Shiber and Manny and sat next to me, interrupting the play. 

 “Let’s finish this”, he started, “Manny and Shiber are engaged, I don’t even know why you guys are fighting for. Besides, Private Ryan is gonna be the best man and Larry will be the flower boy, now shut up and let them be happy forever so we can rest on our beds, we're pretty tired and I need silence", San made the kitten and his little dog kissed for a second while he looked dead serious with his knitted eyebrows. Then, his features relaxed when a giggle escaped my lips and I covered my mouth with the back of my hand. San’s eyes stared at me with the edges of his mouth barely up and handed the plushies to me. I let the glass or water aside and hugged them together. Seonghwa gasped and Yeosang just glared at San’s Shiber. San stood up and left the living room with Wooyoung side by side, he had the biggest Joker smile I’ve ever seen and kind of creeped me out. 

The puppet show was over and we had a great dinner with the fishes they hunted. San let me sleep with Shiber as he now was Manny’s husband. What can I say? It was childish but cute. But suddenly, sleeping between Hongjoong and Seonghwa made me shiver, the warmth of the room disappeared slowly as my body lacked from the human contact. When my eyes opened, I was welcomed with pure loneliness and a cold room, I frowned. It was 2:35 AM according to my wristwatch, yet, I still could hear whispers coming from the living room, they were still taking about the trip. I was exhausted from the cleaning so I didn't think too much and closed my eyes one more time. I snuggled with Shiber between my arms the rest of the night. 

Now it was Friday, I spent the entire day inside my room due to cramps, in the end of the world a woman still has to survive that pain. My head was killing me and I hesitated everytime I wanted to go outside for some air or a glass of water; however, Hongjoong and Seonghwa made sure to warned out the guys to be careful when they came around my room to not cause any problem and disturb my susceptible self. I would eat them alive if they try to argue with me in that state. I could also sense that something was going on, or perhaps I was delusional and craving for some sweet, but they kept they guard on when I started to ask about what they were doing or how was the plan. Hongjoong tensed while he put the cup of tea next to the bed and Seonghwa was the first to approach. 

"Did you not sleep here?", I asked after they avoided the previous question. “I think I had another nightmare, you know, about day 1…” 

"We've been talking with the guys about the next move", the raven boy said and smiled. "Don't worry about us, take the rest of the day." 

"Yeosang sends his iPod", Hongjoong handed it with the headphones and kissed my head. "We'll talk later, Ji. You stay here and rest", then, they were gone, leaving me with Yeosang’s shuffle playlist. I didn’t ask anything else, however, a strange feeling inside my chest kept me uneased all day.

On Saturday I was ready to left the room, I was feeling a little bit better than the day before, moreover, the boys were cautious about my movements and talking.   

“Do you need anything, Ji?”, Mingi asked patting my hair with a soft smile on his face. I returned the gesture touching his well-fitted chest and crunch my nose.

“I’m okay, Mingi, it’ll be over soon”, I assured him as he engulfed me in his strong and long arms. 

“I’m happy I didn’t born as a woman.” 

That was all he said before I killed him with my own hands. Well, actually I punched him a little and made him my slave for all day long. Another odd thing was that Jongho finally talked to me, he looked very sad, thought, but it was an improvement. 

“Here are some pills Misuk always asked when she felt bad”, he handed me a little ziploc with five white pills.

“Oh… thank you, Jongho”, I gave him a quick smile and went to the kitchen.

 I stuck to Hongjoong’s side all day since I wanted to be aware of the expedition. Unexpectedly, he was acting weird, he had a certain manner to handle things sometimes and now he was avoiding my gaze, he rather talk about everything but the trip road, he even ordered me to go and paint some animals on the fourth floor after lunch when Yeosang called him to set up some kind of loose ends on the plan. He almost yelled at me when I insisted on helping with the route map, that’s what I’m talking about, that mullet boy never acted like that. I knew I fucked up with Misuk’s murder, yet it increased the continuous torment of the voices inside my head blaming me all over again. I wasn’t ready for him to demonstrate such an attitude about my culpability, thus I stopped and went to my painting room as all the eyes in the place watched my walk of shame. 

On Sunday every racional part of me started to fall apart. I woke up earlier than the boys, it was pretty unusual if I said. I made breakfast for all, some dumplings, fruits and a hella great coffee, maybe I thought it could be some payment to them for bearing my behavior; before anyone could see me, I grabbed my backpack, filled it with a bottle of water, a few dumplings and fruits, a blanket, some sunlight, my gun and Jongho’s pills. 

 I left the basement and went up to the fourth floor of the building, the sun started to rise from the window with its orange light and I smiled at it, I welcomed it with the few energy I had. It felt nostalgic, the quiet floor sometimes could be scary as hell, after all, I was alone in a building where no one would hear my screams from down earth. Moreover, while I put more and more space between the boys and myself, it started to feel like I wasn’t entirely alone, a thread connected us as we became a family after everything we’ve been through. Families fight, families made peace, I just needed a few hours away to understand that I was being skeptical over them hiding things, important things. And I knew we were going on the road the next day, but my chest ached with discomfort and concern due to Hongjoong’s distrust in my capacity to separate my feelings from our main mission: Wonderland. The tables had turned, I was so worry about Jongho being the one affected, but at the end it was only me and my persisting mouth. 

My hands weren’t able to draw a thing, they were rigid, inflexible, unable to even paint a curve. So my feet took me to the rooftop when the sun was finally set up in the sky, saluting with warmth and happiness that I couldn’t feel either. I put some sunlight while I rested on the floor and closed my eyes. The bright light kept my dreams from the shadows as my mind traveled to a parallel world where everything around me glowed, where my body felt loose, like floating through the space in the quietness of the periphery. My chest went up and down as I took deep breaths and a minute later I was fully relaxed, no worries on my minds, no negative thoughts about blood, or death, or sorrow, or guilt...  With every storm, there’s a rainbow somewhere, it just wasn’t raining any time soon. After a minute or two, the slumber won the battle between anxiety and disappointment and I submerged in the glowing sea of hope and dreams that onces were reachable in the impossible now. 

A few hours later, a big shadow blinded the bright sun and made me open my eyes a bit faster than usual, the blurry figure was looking at me from above with a tense jaw and fisting hands.

“How long have you been here?”, the man signed abruptly and my eyebrows knitted.

“What do you mean?”, I raised my back up a little and sat slowly, for a few seconds dizziness invaded my sight and I blinked severely as Hongjoong’s face became visible.

“Did you not see the time, Jiyeong?”, then I looked around. The sky was still light up but little shiny stars started to show up as minutes passed by. How long did I sleep? I was sure my nightmares depravated me without a good rest, but I wasn’t aware of how tired I really was. 

“We thought you’ve left a while ago”, again, he moved his hands harshly and it didn’t matter if we were quiet, his face expressed the anger he was holding inside. 

“Couldn’t you look up in here?”, I got up on my two feet and dust off my clothes. “Even so, why would I leave without you? I was waiting till you had your breakfast to go downstairs and finally began the travel”.

“We already had lunch, Jiyeong, it’s been seven hours…”, I was taken by surprise realizing how much I was off, my skin felt warm due the sun but it didn’t hurt too much. “Don’t do that again, okay? We-… I thought...”, Hongjoong sighed and bit his lip.

“What? That I’ll leave you just because you’re being a dick to me? Nah, I’m too rational to know that we need to stick together no matter what.”

He avoided my eyes one more time and I finally snapped. I approached him, grabbed the collar of his jacket harshly, making him stumbled in his own feet. Anger boiled my blood as my body reacted without warning. My knuckles were white as the strength I put on my hold was too much for myself. Hongjoong’s eyes were wide open and his mouth partly opened startled, we never had an encounter like that before and me being aggressive was never on my mind, yet I couldn’t stand it anymore. 

Suddenly, I let Hongjoong’s jacket go and signed with pure wrath.

“I’m tired of your shit, Hongjoong. All I’m trying to do is help you with the trip and here you are, treating me like I was some kind of girl that is too scared to hear men talk. I’m tired of being left alone. You realized I wasn’t in the basement like a minute ago and don’t try to lie to me”, Hongjoong was perplexed trying to catch up with my fast movements. He raised his hands and I shook my head. “You thought I was inside the bedroom after I cooked your breakfast just because you’re so caught up with the fucking plan that you don’t understand how shitty I felt this week. I know you don’t trust me, but don’t hide value information when we are a fucking team, Hongjoong…”

 I was panting, the thumping of my heart almost scared me, was it that loud? Would the creatures listen to it? Hongjoong’s dumbfounded face was a poem, he just stood there looking right through me and I stood there, letting him. Two minutes later, he signed.

“This is the first time you said Hongjoong too many times instead of Joong, so… I assume I really upset you”, he pressed his hands on his temples, passed it through his hair and stepped closer to hug me tighter than ever. I didn’t return the gesture, not even when I really needed to hold him. When he noticed, he sighed one more time and let me go. 

“I’m so sorry… it’s just that San and I’ve been changing some things we already had planned before the incident with Misuk and we had to arrange things by putting you too much pressure, most of us are against the idea of lending you such demands when Seonghwa is as well going through it…”, his sad eyes showed how anxious he was, he cupped my face with his hands and caressed my cheeks. A ghost smile appeared on my face and made him grin in victory. 

“This is not the first time we’ve faced dead friends or family, Joong. I’m stronger than this, it just happened to bring back old bad memories, that’s all”, I signed and shrugged, not wanting to think about them after my seven hours sleep.

“That’s all…”, he signed in response. He pressed his lips together as he squeezed my shoulders and stepped back. His eyes looked around quickly with a bothered gaze. “What if we talked inside? It’s getting darker and I- we need you safe…”, Hongjoong grabbed the bag on the floor,opened the rooftop’s door for me and extended his hand for me to hold it. 

“Only if you agree to make some of that horrible tea for me before we go…”, I crossed my arms over my chest and stopped a meter away from him. The mullet boy’s grin fainted and he swallowed hard, that made me frowned. But before I could ask, he nodded with a smile, hold my hand and made me follow him to the basement. A cup of tea wasn’t going to stop me from demanding answers, not when I could tell that something was disturbing him; after all, we were ready to leave the place that day and nothing could stop us, at least nothing that I was aware of.

(...)   

Masterlist

[memories-are-mine]

A Thousand Promises

I was just gonna post this on AO3 so if you wanna read it there go for it, but I've decided to post it here too, just out of habit. 

TWs: Implied child abuse, attempted kidnapping (because this is me here)

Minor spoilers for crimes of Grindelwald but who am I kidding you’ve probably seen it already,,, and tbh its barely spoilers.

Summary: Corvus Lestrange catches Theseus and Leta together, and things gradually get worse, but, it ends with a happily ever after. 

Alternate Title: Theseus is a self-sacrificing idiot and Leta isn’t taking any of her dad’s shit, then a bunch of cute promises are made. 

Anyway, enjoy my kittens!! <3

Leta had just finished topping off the champagne into two glasses sitting on the coffee table at the apartment she had moved into just a few days prior. Theseus had helped her find it, helped her move in, even offered to help with rent if she needed it until he could secure her a higher ranking job at the Ministry, instead of the glorified secretary position she had now. The moment she had confided to him how scared she was of her father, and what he would do if he found out about Theseus and Leta seeing each other, Theseus, ever the storybook hero, immediately began seeking other arrangements for her. Now that she was away from her father and her family home, Leta had felt a thousand pounds of fear lift from her shoulders, and she felt so light that it was almost like walking on air

It was only a few months into their courtship, and in all of Leta’s years, she never imagined she’d be in a relationship with Theseus Scamander, but when the doorbell rang, Leta’s heart did a little happy dance in her chest. As it always did when Theseus was around. He was later than he had said he would be, as he often was, but Leta knew firsthand that his job wasn’t an easy one.

She tried to retain her composure as she set down the half-full bottle of champagne on the table between the two glasses but ended up practically skipping to the door like some lovestruck schoolgirl ready for a date, part of her felt ridiculous, but she couldn’t help it. It had been a long time since she had allowed herself to be close with anyone, to care about anyone even just a little bit, that she was almost drowning in the feeling of it.

The door swung open at Leta’s touch, and Theseus came strolling into the room, still in his work clothes, but with his suit jacket folded over his arm and his tie loosened. Leta couldn’t help noticing how tired he looked, the bags under his eyes, the slight hunch of his shoulders like someone had tied a hundred pounds to his back. He was still a knockout despite that, and Leta almost lamented how unfair it was, how he could look so good while obviously being so exhausted, while when Leta didn’t get enough sleep, she looked like she was emerging from a tornado.

When he smiled at her, Leta’s heart soared, though she tried not to show it. But with the soar, there was that leftover apprehension, the leftover fear that had kept Leta Lestrange from being with Newt. The fear that had kept her from being with Theseus for quite some time, however desperately she had wanted to pin him against a corridor wall and kiss him senseless (A hobby she now very much enjoyed). That fear that washed over Leta every time she had broken her family’s strict rules in secret, and she wondered if her father would find out, and she would have to taste his violent wrath.

Leta rose to her tiptoes and gave him a kiss on the cheek hello as she took the coat off his arm. “You’re late, again,” she teased with a smile. “Is seeing me really so dreadful?”

“Leta, I’m so sorry,” Theseus said, and he sounded truly guilty. “I was about to leave to actually get ready and be on time for once, then Travers pulled me into this bloody meeting about magical tax evasion…”

Leta let out a little laugh. “Theseus, I’m only teasing you.” She dumped his coat on the chair as she turned from him. “Though I’m sure Travers droning on about taxes was quite riveting. Must’ve been awfully hard to tear yourself away.”

“Truly, it was the most exciting hour and a half of my life,” Theseus said sardonically as he let out a small laugh, pulling his tie off his neck and tossing it on top of his coat, on the back of one of the three dining room chairs,  leaving him only in a white button-down and navy slacks. “I really am sorry I’m late.”

Leta shushed him as she turned back to face him.  “None of that. I know how important your work is. I don’t mind waiting half an hour if it means your helping to keep people safe, however much I enjoy your company.”

“The problem is, I wasn’t keeping anybody safe unless what seems to be Travers’ greatest fear comes true and turning into an angry badger to avoid paying taxes suddenly becomes the new trend. He talked on for quite a while about that.”

“Has that ever happened before?” Leta laughed.

“Apparently, once, about twenty years ago.” Theseus let out a mirthless laugh as he sank down on Leta’s new sofa, suddenly sounding frustrated. “We have Grindelwald on the loose, and he’s gaining followers every day, and instead of trying to apprehend him, Travers just wants to just pretend he doesn’t exist. Sometimes I’m tempted to just go after Grindelwald myself, no matter how risky.”

Of course, Leta would never betray the Ministry, but punching Torquil Travers in the face became more and more tempting by the minute.  But the declaration about Grindelwald, a statement Theseus made sometimes, shook her no less than it had the dozen other instances in which he’d confided it to her.

“Travers can be so stupid,” she muttered, shaking her head as she sat beside Theseus, who already was halfway through his glass of champagne.“But you can’t go hunting for Grindelwald yourself, Theseus, if he were to get his hands on you…”

“I know, Leta,” Theseus replied, looking thoughtful. “Enough about me.” He looked around the small apartment, slowly taking in a breath. “I haven’t gotten to talk to you as much as I would’ve liked to these past few days. How are you? Your father hasn’t bothered you has he? Is he angry  you’ve left?”

“He doesn’t know, actually,” Leta said, involuntarily tensing at the mention of Corvus LeStrange. “He’s been traveling for the past two weeks, coming back tonight, though I suspect that my father’s servants have informed him already. I don’t think he’ll have anything to say about it.” She hoped not, anyway.

Theseus must have seen the look in her eyes, and leaned toward her on the couch, holding her hand in his. “However he may feel about your leaving, I can promise you that he won’t be taking it out on you. I swear to you I’m going to make sure that he never harms you again.”

Leta wondered what she’d done to deserve Theseus. A man so heroic, so ready to save the world, and so willing to protect Leta. She wasn’t used to having people look out for her. It felt good to be looked out for. She wished she could repay his kindness.

She figured a passionate kiss on the lips was a good place to start.

Theseus returned it eagerly, his hands finding their way to her waist as Leta ran her tongue over his lips, taking pleasure in the gasp that involuntarily formed in the back of his throat. Experimentally, she pressed on his shoulders and he leaned back obediently, his head landing on the decorative pillows of Leta’s sofa.

When Leta broke the kiss, she was practically on top of him, unbuttoning the top button of his shirt as they gazed at one another, Leta was so caught up in the ecstasy of romance that she almost didn’t hear the soft thump that came outside the door. But Theseus heard it too, which meant she wasn’t going crazy.

“What was that?” Leta climbed off of Theseus immediately as he grabbed his wand, which sat on the coffee table next to the champagne. He rose to his feet as the door swung open.

Theseus and Leta looked at each other fearfully, as together they edged toward the door. Theseus’s wand still pointed at the opening. There didn’t appear to be anything or anyone in the doorway, but Leta knew that the door hadn’t opened just because of the wind.

Theseus turned his head to look at her, raising an eyebrow. “What do you think - “

“EXPELLIARMUS!”

Theseus’s wand immediately flew across the room, unattainable as Corvus LeStrange barrelled into Leta’s apartment, the tip of his wand leveled right at them.

Immediately all the thousand pounds of terror came rushing back, making Leta so dizzy that she sank back down on the couch. Theseus went with her, pressing her into his arms.

“LETA LAURENA LESTRANGE!” Her father bellowed, and Leta flinched violently, all thoughts of self-defense suddenly gone. She was unable to think, move for her wand, unable to even scream. “How dare you disobey the rules of my house and my family?” He started toward them and Theseus stood, glaring,  ignoring Leta’s grip on his arm. “First, you leave my house without my permission after refusing to join our family in Grindelwald’s cause. Then… then I find you here… consorting with….with him?” He gestured wildly at Theseus as if he were some kind of disgusting snake. “Theseus Scamander. The enemy, no less! You are a disgrace, Leta, you -”

Theseus started to go for his wand, but Corvus pointed it at Leta. “Try it, Mr. Scamander, and you won’t like the consequences.” Theseus stopped, cut him off, standing protectively in front of her. “You will not speak to her like that, leave her alone!” he snarled. Leta had seen him angry before, but this was different. There was a desperation behind it, like he was ready to try anything to keep her safe.

“Mr. Scamander,” Corvus LeStrange stopped shouting at Leta, moved his wand away from her, which he never would have done under any other circumstance, but this time there was someone else to point it at. Leta choked back a scream as Corvus leveled his wand at Theseus’s heart. “When I first saw you with my daughter I wanted to kill you there and then.” He took a step towards Theseus. “But now that I’ve collected myself a bit, and I recognize you now, I’ve realized that this is a bit of a blessing in disguise. But make no mistake, child.” He whipped back to Leta, careful to keep his wand at Theseus’s heart. “After I deliver your beloved Mr. Scamander you and I will talk.”

“What do you mean?” Leta burst out. “What do you want with him?”

“Shut up!” Corvus shouted at her, and Leta sank back into her silence, her childhood instinct to obey her father and avoid punishment washing over her. “You should be happy, Leta. I recognized him from the photograph I saw at Nurmengard. If I bring Theseus Scamander, the war hero, the Auror, to Grindelwald, he will reward us bounteously. The LeStrange family name will live on forever in legend, among the greatest heroes.”

“You’re not taking him!” Leta gasped. “I - I won’t let you!”

“Hush, Leta, it’s alright,” Theseus said gently, turning away from Corvus for a moment. His gaze lingered on her for a heartbeat, then two. Then, lifting his head and straightening his back, he turned back to her father. Taking another few steps closer, he took a breath and said, “I’ll go without a fight, but you have to swear on your life that you’ll leave her be, or I swear to Merlin that I will -”

“Theseus!” Leta shrieked as her father grabbed his arm roughly, still pointing his wand at his throat.

“SILENCE!!” Corvus Lestrange yelled so loudly that that it shook the walls of the house. “I promised to leave you be, Leta, but do not test my patience.”

“Leta, it’ll be okay,” Theseus promised, though he didn’t sound so sure. “I promise.”

Leta didn’t know at what point during these past four months that she’d fallen in love with him, but through the mix of terror and childhood instinct that was swallowing Leta up, a clear thought burned through her mind. Father is not taking Theseus anywhere.

Leta knew that her father should have left by now, but he was making a show of his control of the whole situation. He made sure she was watching before he muttered a spell, conjuring silvery chains that latched themselves around Theseus’s wrists. Theseus hated being restrained, and he visibly stiffened as the chains bound his hands. That just made her angrier.

While he was distracted, Leta slid a hand behind the bottle of champagne that concealed her own wand, and hid it in her sleeve before she stood to face her father.

“If you’re going to take him.” It wasn’t hard for Leta to sound broken, defeated. Just the way her father wanted it. “At least let me say goodbye.” She lowered her head, trying to look like the obedient daughter that her father had expected of her. Obedience and submission were rewarded. Defiance was punished severely.

She kept her eyes down as her father considered her request. She felt Theseus’s eyes on her. She prayed to every entity she could think of that Corvus wouldn’t see through her facade.

“Very well,” her father decided. “Say your goodbyes, then.”

Impulsively, Leta moved close to Theseus, making sure that he was between her and her father, though every instinct in her body screamed to shove him behind her and throttle her father with her bare hands. She had to conceal her movements, though.

“Leta,” Theseus began, reaching with his shackled hands to touch her face. “I wish-” he paused, seeing her pull her wand. “Leta?”

With her free hand, Leta pulled him down for a kiss, all the while desperately running through her mental list of spells that might be useful in this situation. The first ones that came to her mind were incredibly violent and very much illegal. And however tempting they were, Leta would not use them. She wouldn’t stoop to her father’s level.

Her hand thought for her, and before she knew what she was doing, she raised her wand, she pointed it at her father, shoved Theseus out of harm’s way, and screamed with all the force she could muster:

“FLIPENDO!”

Corvus Lestrange wasn’t expecting it, so he didn’t have time to counter her spell, and Leta couldn’t help but feel a rush of satisfaction as he flew backward across the room, landing hard on the floor. His wand skittered out of his hand, and Leta summoned it into her grip. Using both hands, she grabbed his wand on either end and snapped it in half over her knee, and tossed the pieces on the ground at her feet.

Unfortunately, he recovered quickly, and got to his feet, scowling at them, his eyes holding such fury that it was hard for Leta not to shut down again. But this time, a look to Theseus was all that was required to clear her head.

“Get out,” she snarled. “Never come back or next time I will throw you in Azkaban myself.”

Still glaring at her, her father snatched the pieces of the wand from the floor and started to march out of the room.

“Oh, something else,” Leta said. “If you ever put another finger on Theseus, I swear to Merlin that you won’t like the consequences.”

With that, Leta’s father left, and Leta turned to Theseus and tapped his chains with her wand, muttering the spell that would free him. The restraints vanished immediately and Theseus wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close.

Leta didn’t trust herself not to start sobbing with relief.

“Are you alright?” He asked her, burying his face in her long brown curls.

“Am I alright?” Leta pulled away from him, looking him in the eye. “Of course I’m not alright! What were you thinking? Do you know what Grindelwald would have done to you if my father had brought you to him?” Even she was surprised by her anger, but Theseus didn’t seem hurt by it. “Don’t you understand?” She said, her voice breaking. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I can’t afford to lose you, Theseus.”

Then, Leta really did start crying. Crying was not something that she did often, and never around anyone but Theseus, but she had seen how Grindelwald tortured his prisoners. Her father had shown her, once, when he had taken them to Nurmengard, acting like it was some grand family vacation. The thought of Theseus in the same pain that those poor people had been through was too much to bear. And the torture that Grindelwald would inflict on Theseus would likely be worse since he was so high-ranking in the Ministry.

“Shh,” Theseus pulled her back into his warm embrace, and Leta could have melted into him. “I’m alright, Leta. We’re alright.”

“What were you thinking?” She sobbed again, her voice muffled slightly by his shirt.

“I promised I would protect you from your father,” Theseus replied, stroking her hair. “And I did what I had to in order to keep my promise.”

“Never do that again,” Leta scolded. “Because I would rather die myself than let you sacrifice yourself for me.”

Before Theseus could come up with some heroic response that would likely make Leta keel over on the spot, she pressed her lips to his, guiding him back so he was sitting on the sofa once again. He pulled her onto his lap, wrapping his arms around her, and they kissed until she almost felt okay again.

“So,” she said when they finally broke apart. “Are all Scamanders self-sacrificing, heroic bloody idiots or is it just you and Newt?”

Theseus smiled. “I suppose that’s up for debate.” Then he studied her, and his smile faded a little. “Leta, I -”

“Hush,” Leta placed a finger to his lips. “You’re not going to say anything about sacrificing yourself for me, or protecting me because you care about me. Or any of that noble heroic garbage that I know you want to say. Because I’m making a promise to you, right here, right now. Nobody in Grindelwald’s Army is putting a finger on you if I have anything to say about it, least of all my father, and if I have to give my life to make that happen, I will. Because I love you, Theseus. I really, really do.”

Leta hadn’t meant to make that last declaration, but her head was spinning so fast, and she’d wanted to say those words for so long, that they had just slipped out. Besides, Theseus had spent so much of his life protecting other people, Leta figured it was his turn to be the one protected for once.

Theseus looked taken aback, and for a moment looked like he didn’t know what to say. “I love you too, Leta,” he said, pressing his forehead to hers. “And that’s why I did what I did just then, and why I’d do it again in a minute if it meant protecting you from your father.”

Leta didn’t know what to say to that. She wasn’t used to having this. Having someone like him. “Stay?” Was what she blurted out. Nice one, Lestrange.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“So many promises tonight.”

“I’m going to keep every one of them.” Theseus laid down on the couch, his head on the pillows, just the way they had been earlier. Leta, strangely, had no strong impulse to kiss him just then. She just wanted to hold him, bask in the glory of them just being together. And safe.

So she just pulled him into her arms and laid his head on his chest and not long after, she heard his deep, steady breathing, telling her he had fallen asleep. She followed him not long after, and for a little while, all the evil in the world was lost to dreams.

[jamesbuckfastbarnes]

Sober pt.2

It's finally here my dudes! After months of neglect, several sleepless nights of trying to come up with an idea and eventually bringing in @penny4yourthot in to assist, we happily bring you Sober pt.2! - Red_w00dy xoxo

P.s if you haven't read the first part of Sober, the link for it is below :)

*******************

“You. Stupid. Junkie. Piece. Of. Shit. Get the fuck out of here before I put a fucking bullet in your skull. And if I hear that you, or any of your little friends, ever sell junk to my baby sister again, I will personally hunt you down and murder you using nothing but a pair of tweezers and a razorblade. You understand me, Charlie?”

I opened my eyes and blinked a few times to focus properly, only to see Happy kicking the living shit out of Charlie as Herman kneeled over the drug dealer, their faces just a few inches apart from each other. A weak groan escaped my lips and I rolled over on the floor of Charlie's apartment, causing Happy and Herman to stop what they were doing to rush over to me. I knew I was in trouble with them, no amount of heroin could make me forget that, but in that moment they appeared to feel nothing but worry and concern for my well-being. I gave them a weak smile, stretching my arm out from where it had been tucked into my side. Happy seemed to think I was trying to hold his hand, and grasped my own in his large one until I pulled it away, only to reach past him once more to try and grab the needle resting on the coffee table behind him. Herman shook his head and moved the needle further away, tears pricking at my eyes and threatening to spill over as I desperately tried to move in order to retrieve it. My body was aching from the come down I was experiencing from my previous high, and I was in no fit state to move from my spot on the floor. Herman sighed and carded his fingers through my tangled blonde locks, crouching down so that his dark blue eyes met mine and he flashed me one of his megawatt smiles. I had no idea what he was so happy about, he was the sole reason I couldn't be happy myself right now.

“You're lucky Juice could trace Charlie's phone and find his address, Ana. You ever do that to me again and I will personally kick your ass up and down the street, just like Mom always threatened to do when she caught me smoking as a kid,” Herman whispered, still smiling despite the fact he was threatening me. I blinked at him in response, having no clue how to reply.

“I just needed one more hit. Just a little one to help me sleep. I figured you would understand, you had the whole insomnia thing when you were coming off crystal,” I slurred, my stomach churning violently as I leaned forwards and Hap managed to put a bucket under my chin before I proceeded to throw up the contents of my stomach.

“One more hit, just one more fucking hit! That's what you've been saying for the past two years, Anastazja, and it never is. You always need another one, and it always ends up with me and Hap finding you smacked out of your head on the floor of some drug dealers house, begging us not to yell at you. It's not fucking good enough. I'm sick and tired of constantly worrying about you, girl! I've got my own shit to deal with without having to constantly chase around after you as well!”

“Then don't bother,” I mumbled quietly, both Happy and Herman struggling to hear me due to the fact my voice was slurred and barely audible. I gathered all my strength to push myself into a sitting position, looking up at the older men through hooded eyes. “I never asked you to do any of this shit. If you're gonna complain, don't fucking bother, just leave me to get on with my own life.”

“And have to bury you next to Mom years before I'm supposed to? Fat chance of that, Ana. You're gonna come with me and Hap, sort yourself out and get off this shit once and for all. And if that means having someone watch you constantly, no connection to the outside world and not even a nickel to your name then so be it. We're going to make you go cold turkey whether you like it or not,” Herman glared, pulling me roughly to my feet before dragging me out of the small, messy apartment with Hap close behind us, glaring at Charlie as we left.

The car ride back to Charming was spent with Herman lecturing me. I toned it out as I was nodding in and out of sleep, still coming down from my previous high. When I heard the car stop I opened my eyes and looked around, not recognizing where we were. “Where the hell are we?” I questioned with a tired voice.

“This is Chibs place, he volunteered the first shift of watching you because he felt bad that you got away under his watch. He has a spare bedroom that’s empty and this way we can keep you away from all the partying at the clubhouse” Herman stated.

Happy opened the door and helped me out of the tow truck. He kept his arm around me as he guided me to the front door of Chibs house. Chibs opened the door and Happy guided me in. Once I felt the cold air in the house, I instantly starting shaking. They must have noticed because they walked me to the couch, putting a thick blanket around me once I sat down and got myself comfortable. ”Thanks,” I muttered.

“Chibs, are you all good here? Clay needs me and Hap back at the clubhouse!” Herman called out to the older Scot.

“Aye, we’ll be fine here, lad,” Chibs responded as he walked out of the room. “Your sister’s no going anywhere fer noo. The door is staying locked and,” Chibs came back to where I sat, a stern expression on his weathered face and his hand outstretched in front of him. “Give me your phone as well while I think aboot it.”

“I’m a grown ass women, you're not taking my damn phone.”

“Last time I left ye wi’ yer phone ye called yer drug dealer and these two found ye almost dead, passed out in his goddamn house. No more fighting, I’m no in the mood for it, just give me the damn phone” he argued. His eyebrows were knitted together in frustration and the more I looked at him, the more I realised. Chibs wasn't mad, he was just tired of having people argue with him constantly. So I gave in.

“Fine, but what if need something?” I asked as I disgruntledly handed over my cell phone.

“Chibs will be with you all day” Happy ruffled my hair affectionately, throwing his arm around my small shoulders to give me a light hug before ambling off in the direction of the front door.

“And we'll be here to check on you tonight, as well, Ana Banana,” Herman finished as he kissed the top of my head, clapped Chibs on the shoulder in what I assumed was a thankful gesture and swaggered out of the small, two bedroomed house in pursuit of his best friend.

Chibs disappeared once again, only to come back with a bottle of Gatorade, some Tylenol and a bucket. He handed me the pills along with the open bottle and I took them with one sip.

“Ye need to drink more lass,” he sighed as he handed the Gatorade back to me. “Dehydration isn't going to help you when yer coming off smack of all things.”

“I don’t want to get sick” I said through chattering teeth as the shakes got worse. He looked at me and lifted up the bucket with a smile, causing a weak chuckle to escape from deep inside my chest.

“That’s what this is fer,” he grinned. I took a small sip of the blue liquid, watching as Chibs got up from the couch and made his way to the front door to lock it. It might have been the drugs left over in the system, or the fact the withdrawals were kicking in big time, but for whatever reason, I couldn't stop staring as he shifted both deadbolts and the generic lock that came with the door.

“You have three locks on your front door?” I smirked as he sat back down, the older man nodding in response with a small shrug of his shoulders as I giggled quietly. “So do you have a stalker or what? I think I should know what I'm getting into here.”

“I wish a stalker were my only worries, hen. Nah, just some people from my past life showed up here in Charming a while back. They’re gone fer noo tho,” He muttered as he reached for the tv remote and turned the large television screen on, instantly turning the volume down to barely audible as if he could sense the small pounding in the back of head that was steadily getting worse with every passing minute.

We sat in silence for a while, the shaking turned into sweating which caused me to become even more cold. Chibs got me another blanket and wrapped me up and then held his arms around me in attempt to warm me up and stabilize my body from all the shakes. I have to admit is was nice to have someone here to help me through this. There had been too many times that, on the rare chance I decided to come off heroin, that I was alone and cold. There was more than one occasion that Herman and Hap had founded me curled behind a dumpster somewhere in Tacoma, using a cardboard box and newspaper to keep myself warm, because I had spent all my rent money on junk again.

“Th-thanks for d-doing this” I shivered, nestling further into Chibs’ side in an attempt to soak up some of the Glaswegian’s warmth. “I-I really a-appreciate it.”

“Aye, lass, dinnae worry about it. We're all family in the club, we look oot fer our own” he said softly as he brushed some hair out of my face, his eyes flitting to a picture of a considerably younger version of himself, along with a tiny bundle of blankets and a beautiful, dark haired woman, before looking back at me with a smile. “We'll always keep an eye oot for ye, Anastazja. Even if ye do steal people's favourite Celtics shirts.”

We sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, neither of us feeling the need to say anything, until I felt my stomach start to lurch and I started to gag. Chibs was quick with the bucket he had brought into the room earlier, placing it in my lap just in time for me to throw up what little contents left inside my stomach. He held my hair out of my face in a makeshift ponytail as I continued to vomit, a worried smile taking up residence on his lips as he used his free hand to keep the bucket steady.

“God, I feel much better now,” I croaked quietly once I was sure I was done, leaving Chibs to take the bucket away and pass me the Gatorade so I could rid the taste of vomit out of my mouth. “If you ever meet anyone that doesn't hate throwing up, they are freaks of nature and deserve to be thrown into an asylum.”

After a deep laugh that echoed around the living room, Chibs took the bucket away, only to return a couple minutes later with it all cleaned out.

“You didn’t have to do that I could have taken care of it” I mumbled softly, burying myself further into the mass of blankets that surrounded my thin body.

“Believe me when I say it's absolutely no problem at all, wee hen,” he smiled back as he dropped down next to me, returning his arm to where it had previously been resting around my shoulders.

I managed to muster up a weak smile as I rested against his chest once more, listening to his heartbeat thumb periodically and feel his fingers move to play with the ends of my dirty blonde hair. The shakes had started to subside at this point and, with the soothing sound of his heart pumping away next to my ear and the way he combed the tips of his fingers through my hair, I slowly drifted off to sleep, unable to think of anything but how sweet Chibs was, and how grateful I felt that he was so willing to take care of me after what I did. Clearly some people were just better than others - Chibs and I were the perfect example of that.

[lyraeon]

Hi! Sorry for intruding, and you definitely don't have to answer if this too personnal or invasive, but I've been wondering if my depression might be a bipolar one for a while now, only I don't always see myself in the way people talk about mania/hypomania, only sometimes I do? And the way you described mania being /straightforwardly frustrating/ sort of spoke to me, so I was wondering if you could explain what you meant by that? (or direct me to posts where you have?) Huge thanks!

Hello friend!

I’m sure I have other posts about it somewhere, but short of digging through my whole relevant tag, I wouldn’t know where to look for them. But I don’t mind explaining overall.

First of all, if your depression seems to come and go, but not necessarily be replaced by hypomania or mania, it may be something else. Seasonal Affective Disorder is the most common alternative, but Cyclothymia is also a thing, and should especially be looked up if your depression also never hits a bottomless pit level. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking “well, it’s not THAT bad, so I guess I’m ONLY cyclothymic and I shouldn’t worry about it” or whatever though!! That’s just the depression talking and trying to keep you down. Ignore it.

I don’t know if I get manic or hypomanic, doctors have consistently disagreed about it. But, I know I have two main modes of mania, though they can bleed into each other.

There winds up being talk about hallucinations, self-harm, and graphic nightmares in this, so if that’s gonna bug anyone reading this, J on past it

Hyperactive mania:

What is sleep? This is not me procrastinating sleep or being distracted by other things, this is me flat out not needing more than 3-4 hours of sleep a night and having trouble getting to sleep to begin with, not in an insomnia “I’m so tired but can’t settle down” way but in a “I don’t feel tired unless I drink or take sleeping pills or otherwise really wear myself out” way.

Zero focus - I have little to no attention span most of the time to begin with (I suspect I have ADHD but most doctors will be reluctant to diagnose that in addition to bipolar, since mania has a lot of overlap). This typically gets worse during mania; I will repeatedly get up out of my chair to walk laps around my house, often gesturing wildly and definitely talking out loud to myself if no one’s home. I’ll sometimes try to play music to get the energy out to that, but rarely get through a single verse before skipping to the next.

Hyperfocus - and when I do manage to focus on something, (which has to either be something I’m REALLY ENJOYING or something social) I will get dragged into it for 14 hours and only snap out of it if I need a bathroom break or something. The Sims is a common one, not just for me but for a lot of people from what I hear. I always know something was a hyperfocus and not a thing I really wanted to do in general because after 3 days - 2 weeks of the thing I won’t touch it again for months or years. My last manic fit involved playing a sim city phone game for 6-7 hours a day and binge watching multiple people’s entire hermitcraft 4 season. The one before that had me playing rollercoaster tycoon constantly.

sex drive - suddenly characters and celebrities I had not previously regarded as hot are hot. Suddenly I have 15 AO3 tabs open. I feel like people who know me well can notice my mania just by how often and what gets reblogged to my NSFW blog.

poor decision making - I’m far more likely to buy ice cream or alcohol or other things I don’t need to be spending my money on. I’m far more likely to give in to the whole not sleeping thing, or to take sleeping meds despite cutting it way too close to when I have to be up the next day. I lose my verbal filter. I still don’t know if the fact I don’t do anything life-ruiningly stupid is evidence I’m only hypomanic, not manic, or just my anxiety keeping me in check.

Intense emotions - I cried at a University of Phoenix ad yesterday y’all. I also in general am not one to cheer or yell at something happening on TV/in a video, but get more invested when manic and react on a level closer to when I’m actively playing a game or something.

But there’s also the frustrating side (not that the above isn’t often frustrating, just that the above are more associated with positive emotions or at least not a pervasive Stressed Out feeling)

Easily frustrated - I am not one to get mad, normally. I actually get criticized for just letting things slide that obviously upset me/”you keep saying it’s okay right after saying it’s not okay”. I don’t know how to handle getting mad due to gaslighting issues growing up that I won’t get into right now so when I do start getting mad, it tends to build up until I find myself tense and literally stomping mad and sitting in the car screaming in frustration (because if I scream in the house someone might hear me). I also snap at people far, far more often when manic, losing any patience I would typically have and sometimes going for passive aggressive gouges if what they’re annoying me with has built up over a couple days as opposed to instantly. For example, yelling at people who are in my raid group.

nightmares - dear god the nightmares. I will do things in them that I find barely or completely unquestionable in them, then wake up freaked the fuck out because I just - well, we’ll go with today’s example, which is that I fuckin shot my dog in my dream, and for no apparent reason! Death is a pervasive thing in these, including me getting jolted awake by my own death in them, but unstoppable torrents of water are also common as is things just not making any sense - an object I’m holding turning into something else the moment I try to give it to someone else is also something that happens a lot

tense - dear god do my shoulders and back hurt, and not my normal everyday chronic arthritis pain, because that’s in the joints. This is every muscle pulled as tight as it will go and locked, and often carries a sensation of “the only way to fix this is to literally claw them off the bones”. Upper back is the most common but my forearms come next (especially near my elbows) and every major muscle can feel that way if I’m far enough gone. This used to lead to self-harm in the form of me scraping at those areas trying to make the sensation stop (and has lead to weird masochism stuff), but it’s something I consciously avoid now. I’ll usually try to rub at them or stretch to relieve the tightness, but often sleeping it off is my only real recourse.

really, really, REALLY unable to focus - I can’t get through two minutes of a video without pausing it. I skip every song 4 seconds in and instead of just feeling like they don’t fit quite right, each song feels like it’s personally offending me by not being the right one and I eventually give up and take off my headphones in a huff. I’ll forget I was loading the dishwasher halfway through. I’ll keep doing one more little task and one more little task for hours to procrastinate simple things like eating or walking the dog. I always in general have trouble finishing my sentences sometimes, because I’ll lose words or I’ll wind up reading/hearing something mid-sentence, but it becomes every third sentence.

Itchy - everything feels wrong. My hair has to be pinned up as thoroughly as possible so it can’t touch my skin, my glasses have to be perfectly clean because the smudges will piss me off, my clothes have to be just right so they don’t touch my skin in ways that will make me jump/itch like if my hair touches me, any rough edge of my nails or cuticles has to immediately be chewed off, if there’s a weird hair or a zit or a scab anywhere on me I will be picking at it instantly, whatever I’m sitting or laying on is too lumpy, etc. My scalp itches regardless of when I last washed my hair, but washing my hair sounds dreadful because the sensation of wet hair weighing me down is even worse (vs it normally being a soothing sensation to me). My ears itch!! it’s maddening and distracting.

noise and light sensetivity - everything is too bright and too loud! I’ll have as many lights off as possible (sitting in the dark, showering in the dark, screens all as dim as they will go; I’ll often close my eyes or blindfold myself if I really need to concentrate on something I’m typing or listening to). I try to get white noise because background sounds like the dog walking around will drive me batty, but white noise will give the same “wrong one” sensation as music, and if I notice ANY repetition in the white noise (obvious bird loops for example) unless I have deliberately chosen a repetitive melody because it feels right, I will snap and have to turn it off and probably just cover my ears for a while. 

The sensation that shit would suck less if I was drunk right now, because that would either “at least give me something to do” or “make all of this funny instead of annoying” (but alcohol only intensifies what I’m feeling, so if I’m “good” manic it makes me super happy and if I’m frustrated manic I just get angrier)

just an overall sense that everything is wrong and there’s nothing I can do about it and unlike when I’m depressed, wherein I feel like it’s all my fault and I probably deserve to die because of it, it all just pisses me off more and makes me need to get up and wander around. in the less extreme of these moments, I end up trying to figure out lists of what needs to be done, but getting frustrated trying to think that hard. In the worse ones, things will be blown out of scale and I’ll be plagued not just by the problems in my own life but by how fucking frustrating it is not to be able to fix, oh, our broken government, or how frustrating it is that I don’t have the money to just buy us a house right this second, etc.

hallucinations - this is top floor mania for me. The only thing above it is the roof that I will sometimes lay on at 2 in the morning, limbs spread as wide as possible for minimal skin contact, laughing uncontrollably on the inside while feeling paralyzed. My hallucinations are “mild” ones - I’ve only had one or two visual flashes in my life, everything else has been sounds, and it’s rarely been even words, let alone more. it’s usually alarms and sometimes music. I’ll hear my boyfriend’s alarm going off, or the fire alarm going off, or my own alarm going off, or my family’s burglar alarm going off, etc. This is one that meds have been royally good at keeping under control and I’ve only had breakthroughs of it when I’m also sleep deprived.

-basically, mania is fUCKING FRUSTRATING AS ALL GET OUT because you have all this energy but nothing FEELS RIGHT so nothing gets DONE, 99.94% of the time.

The additional problem for me with breakthrough mania - that is, symptoms that happen despite my medication keeping me mostly “normal” -  is that it rarely brings any of the positive aspects that make being manic at least fun in the moment, if not sometimes genuinely worth it. I can get a LOT done when manic if I can take advantage of it before the bad symptoms set in, and I suspect a lot of my current writer’s block issues are because I’m not getting the same kind of hyperfocus days that I used to. But boy do I still itch sometimes, boy are my shoulders craving for me to go rub on a tree like a bear, boy is my stomach cranky because I’m so hungry but eating food sounds like a horrifying chore because what if it doesn’t taste right, etc.

I don’t really know how to explain exactly what I mean by the emotions feeling stunted, but it’s sort of like trying your hardest to find the can opener because you know it’s got to be somewhere, but it’s not anywhere you’re looking, except the can opener is your ability to be excited about this thing you wanted to do, or is your ability to be mad about something you know for a fact you’re pissed about, but you get stuck sitting there just dully frustrated instead because you can only read the label of the can, not actually experience the contents? Or maybe like opening it and finding store brand, “no sugar added” peaches instead of the really good del monte overly sweet stuff; your emotions themselves just feel lackluster compared to what you know they can be.

If a lot of this sounds familiar - if you’re like, yeah I get really annoyed easily and get sensory issues etc but I thought I didn’t get mania because I’ve never been pulled over in vegas going 110 in a 45 and all the media presents of mania is that and crazy chicks putting themselves $12,000 in debt overnight and waking up with no recollection of it - then you probably have hypomanic bipolar. If little bits sound familiar but they always are accompanied by existential dread and/or the pervasive sense you’ve gotta keep moving Or Else, it could be some sort of anxiety disorder. Parts of this list also overlap with autism, or with ADHD, or with BPD, just depending on which symptoms you have.

By my understanding, the one cornerstone of any form of mania is that you feel like you have more energy than normal; not more energy than depressed you, but an actual excess. That energy can fade fast/turn out to be just a sensation and not actual energy, but the sensation is still there, and usually fucks with your sleep.

Hopefully that helped. If it didn’t, or if it did but there’s something else you want to know, feel free to shoot me another anon or a message. I might be slow to respond because my sleep schedule is currently fucked to three more hells than normal, but I will definitely do what I can to help.