#I've never seen anyone else talk about this

[ficsinhistory]

Sonic 4: A theory!

Hello! So, I've been having theories about the fourth Sonic movie for a while now and I think I now have enough brain cells to put it all together!

(This is literally me putting this post together lol)

The basis of everything you will see here will be based on what we have already seen in other films, in the games and in my theory that the fourth film will be about love, time and trauma.

To start, the Sonic films as a whole already speak of love. Familiar, fraternal, parental, timeless love for those who have passed away.

However, the fourth film would dive fully into this.

If Sonic 3's theme line was "The light shines even though the star is gone", I think Sonic 4's will be: "Love transcends pain".

I believe the focus of the film will be on how, although our past may mark us, we can and must heal ourselves since only then will we move forward into the future. And that the best way to do this is not alone, but with the help of the love and support of those who care about us.

That this is the greatest help of in life: love. In the face of trauma, mistakes and frightening possibilities. Because love transcends everything, hate, guilt and even time.

And to do this we cannot give in to fear and paranoia, but choose to be open and honest with our feelings, not repressing or rejecting them.

SONIC

Yes, our dear blue hedgehog!

Sonic has evolved a lot in the last few films, learning to find and accept his parents, friends, and family as a whole. He has learned to accept his own powers, to take responsibility, and to not let pain change him.

He also still has a lot of trauma from his childhood days that he hasn't faced.

The third film proved that this boy still has very raw wounds and that Sonic is aware of his inner turmoil, of how the loss of Longclaw still affects him.

The point is: we never really see him talking about it or finding a way to overcome it in a healthy way with his family. Even though he is canonically the character who listens to others and helps them get through their darkest hours as this wonderful post by @iwasbored777 points. And no matter how much he ignores it, it can and will come back to haunt him.

We saw this when Tom's life was threatened. Because although seeing his father almost die was terrible in itself, what pushed Sonic to go so crazy was the still-untreated trauma of losing Longclaw and the loneliness that followed in the next years. And besides this fiasco with Master Emerald, we also saw it in less serious ways when he went off alone after Shadow in Tokyo too.

Either way, this is a feeling that is clearly bubbling under his skin ready to explode.

Sonic still has some of the mentality he had when he lived in the cave and trauma from the loss of his first maternal figure. The constant need to escape that leads him to want to do everything alone and without consideration for anyone else.

And that's because he's never dealt with that past, covering it up with humor and literally running away from his feelings. Sonic has never faced his past head on. Because it's painful.

But it affects him. A lot. To the point of being a danger to himself and others.

And that's where Amy comes in.

I theorize that in the movies, Amy is a native of Little Planet, a planetoid that visits Mobius (the location of Sonic's island) for a month every year, and that Sonic would have known her before everything happened.

Before Longclaw died and he was thrown alone to Earth. From simpler times. A friend he had on its last visit before everything went down the drain.

Of a time that he (nor she) would remember, despite a sense of familiarity, not until later. When it hit him hard Amy inevitably became a reminder of a past that could no longer be ignored.

When he cares too much about her and wants to help. When the person who is a great friend and he starting to have some very strong feelings for with is also a living reminder of his most painful memory (I believe they will have more romantic tension than romance but I will talk about that later).

She would be, in his arc, a catalyst to face the past that can no longer be hidden.

Because if Sonic wants to be a better person and save the day, he's going to have to face his past head on. He has to be honest with his feelings. All of them.

Especially since things are going to get ugly. Really ugly.

Because I think Sonic is going to have to deal with GUN and Robotnik and Metal Sonic all at once, making everything more urgent and overcoming his childhood trauma crucial. Since resolving this mess will possibly lead them back to Little Planet and his island itself.

Speaking of the machine, we will have Metal Sonic making Sonic face the past, but in another way: in self-consciousness of his defects.

Metal is an AI programmed to be better than Sonic, without any of his supposed imperfections, made in his image.

A villain who will surely increase in danger, adapting more and more. Mimicking the qualities with more and more refinement. A perfect enemy. Without empathy, without any honor, humor or common ground for Sonic to use, wanting a clash of skill pure and simple.

He would be perfect in Sonic's eyes. Something he knows he isn't . He abandoned his family to seek revenge. His recklessness nearly cost Tails and his parents their lives, with Tom even caught in the crossfire. He betrayed his own brothers. As far as he knows, Shadow died because of him. He wasn't fast enough to catch up to Longclaw.

Sonic's self-loathing will hit him hard.

And he'll have to accept his mistakes and move on. Something difficult for a teenager who has a habit of bottling up his emotions and who will deal with the consequences of his actions in catastrophic proportions (yes GUN, is about you 👀).

Not only that, I believe that Metal Sonic will be the first antagonist that Sonic will not be able to change. For the simple fact that the robot is pure hatred, created with the obsession of always proving superiority and that clearly has no interest in a fair fight, seeing as his introduction was trying to shoot a distracted Sonic in the back .

The robot doesn't even call him by name, just blue hedgehog.

Metal Sonic thinks he's the real Sonic and he's going to prove it at all costs, even coping his heroics acts (Sonic OVA?? In my theory??? More likely than you think).

And to add up, it's going to be a race against time.

Because Metal's artificial intelligence adapts, learns and reproduces everything that's thrown at him.

And isn't only him but also an army of copies under Metal control and that clearly he don't care. Quite unlike the friends and family that Sonic cares so much about and they're sure to be in trouble with the crazy machine no doubt wanting to use them against their organic counterpart.

And with all these enemies, this kid is going to have insane pressure on him.

The worst part? I think this will manifest as overprotectiveness of his family and a misconception that he has to do everyone on his own.

In the third film, Sonic nearly lost everyone, whether it was due to external factors or because of what he did. And he certainly doesn't want to go through that again. But without healthy coping mechanisms, Sonic will think that dealing with everything without anyone's help will keep everyone safe.

And here we back to Amy having a crucial part: because both will be on equal footing.

She's not family that Sonic has to protect, she knows how to do it herself. Not only that, she's the cavalry. The person who's obviously been fighting these killer copies the longest, willing to help, and thank God knows what she's doing.

Amy will be a safe haven, someone Sonic won't have to feel responsible for all the time. And someone who will encourage him to open up and seek help from the great family he already has, which would lead to some touching moments with all the Wachowskis. The best family on wheels would be in focus! Especially Maddie!

Sonic will face his traumas with his first mother and who better than his second mother?

Having such a bad memory of Longclaw's death, it seems only right that Maddie would play a relevant role. But of course, the whole family would help, strengthening the bonds even more.

Which is great because with the Time Stones in play, I believe there will be a plot point where Sonic could choose to rewrite time so that Longclaw is never killed, but that would mean he never found his new family.

After all, it was when he lost his first mother and came to Earth that he met Maddie and Tom. What if he could change everything to stay with Longclaw? Would Sonic want that? Even if it could cost the happiness of others and the loss of his new home?

And that's where accepting the past and focusing on the future comes in.

He will have to run, but not from his feelings, but using them as fuel to move forward.

This will be the greatest test of Sonic's maturation: showing that he accepts the past - not clinging to it - working on his traumas with the intention of looking to the future. Appreciating the good memories and that it is not our past mistakes that define us, but what we will do from now on.

AMY

Don't fear, Amy Rose is here! The girl finally shows up!

I wanna start with that, although the film keeps her core, Amy's story and her behavior will be radically different from the games. Both to fit into the film format and to avoid her most problematic aspects. But of course, always keeping what makes her so iconic!

In the franchise, Amy is the character who represents unconditional love and perseverance. She is determined, kind, and never gives up. Amy also shows compassion to everyone without distinction, expecting the best from everyone, no matter how flawed they are. And of course, she is also a hopeless romantic and a firm believer that some things are meant to be.

Despite all the changes and new powers, this is and will always be her greatest asset and power, including in the movies. If movie Sonic is already empathetic, movie Amy will radiate that. She'll be feminine, kind and overflowing with care as she always was, as well hot tempered, angry and passionate.

After all, it's Amy Rose, the girl who wears her heart on her sleeve.

If Sonic doesn't talk about his feelings, Amy thrives on hers.

Love, friendship and connections, these are her skills. If you pay attention to the scene where the metals are being massacred, Amy has traits that allow her to identify with each Wachowski sibling: she is fast like Sonic, strong like Knuckles and with technological gadgets like Tails; in addition to her own individual trait which are her tracking and stealth skills.

A way for the film to say that she has characteristics in common with other people while having her own personality.

Strong interpersonal relationships are one of Amy's strengths and I believe they expanded this side of her a lot here, with her relationship with the Wachowski boys and Tom/Maddie being very important to her. Amy will help and will be helped emotionally

And ofc, she's totally here for all the friends she can get!

I imagine her listening to Tails and Knuckles having fun and pass time in common interests. Maddie? Instant click, especially since I think they'll have similar personalities, with both of them talking about fashion, movies, and similar things. Tom? The girl saved her son, he'd break her out of prison if need be. Sonic? So many things that I have a section just for them. Even Shadow isn’t safe.

These relationships are essential because, of course, not everything is as simple as it seems. All the characters have traumas and have gone through horrors, it would be no different with this pink hedgehog.

As mentioned before, I believe Amy will come from Little Planet. Not only that, I think her main powers will be time manipulation with her chaos energy.

You might be wondering: isn't time travel Silver's thing?

And I answer, my dear friend, Silver does travel through time. But, his main ability is psychokinesis, not time travel. Even in Sonic 06, Silver's time travel is not an innate ability of his, but with the use of the Chaos Emeralds and even that is a mess in the canon in general due to the inconsistencies.

Amy would come in here. With the 5th film confirmed, I believe that Silver would travel with the help of some part of her power. This explanation would keep the narrative simple and without so many holes, especially with a complicated trope that is time travel. In addition to showing Amy's narrative weight in the long term in the franchise, with her presence being a turning point in the story.

Besides, temporal manipulation is an extremely powerful power and since the energy of chaos comes from emotions, no one is better than the character most connected to feelings in the franchise and time travel in general. Sonic CD is based on this and has several media that connect Amy to the Time Stones, Little Planet and time travel in general (more on that later).

But getting back.

As a native of Little Planet and with insanely powerful abilities, Amy would be responsible for the Time Stones or at least have a strong connection to them. Which would put a target on her back.

Longclaw protected Sonic for a reason, and I believe someone did the same for Amy, raising her in a similar way. And I'll say more, besides the similar mission, I believe Amy's guardian knew Longclaw. After all, the warrior owl was a guardian of the Master Emerald, a very powerful gem. And who better than her to meet other guardians of other gems and powerful hedgehogs?

Not that it mattered to this girl, after all Amy is curious and adventurous. She canonically hates boredom and the confines of a mundane life. Surely, when the planet got close to Mobius, this girl would find a way to escape and explore there. Which would lead to a meeting with Sonic.

I don't believe they would necessarily be childhood friends, but rather that they would see each other during the month that Little Planet was there before Amy inevitably returned home, with the promise of seeing each other the following year (like a summer friend!).

Except Amy was there in the last few days before he and Longclaw were attacked. Imagine a baby Amy searching for a baby Sonic only to find a destroyed house? Also, the comics say there is a memorial for Sonic and Longclaw.

And I believe it was her doing.

Sonic was one of the only friends the girl had and it breaks my heart to know that she might have held a funeral for him and Longclaw, definitely because she doesn't want them to be forgotten, with Little Planet's culture probably places a high value on valuing memory.

And things would get even worse. Because I believe the reason Amy is on Earth is because Little Planet has been taken over…by Ivo Robotnik.

Yes, I believe that Eggman didn't die, but was teleported through time and ended up there because the place is a temporal convergence point, dominating everything with Metal using it as we saw in the concept arts, taking advantage of the fact that Little Planet is technologically advanced (as shown in the games) in a domination that would be overwhelming and brutal. Planning to take advantage of the temporal properties of the place to orchestrate Sonic's death and control the Earth.

Metal Sonic would then be built with alientech from one quill of Sonic's and one quill of Amy's.

That's right, I believe Ivo captured her at some point during the invasion before she managed to escape - possibly with the help of her guardian - because the Metal Army also travels through time and has pink energy.

 Amy would then be sent to Earth to protect the Times Stones by her guardian for the same reason Longclaw sent Sonic - a distant place in the universe - before dying, asking her to keep everything safe.

And that would leave the little girl devastated.

Amy would lose everything she has ever loved or known and is still on a strange planet with no one and a burden on her shoulders.

Sound familiar? Because it is. I theorize that Amy's past will be very similar to Sonic's and this will make both of them help each other and identify with each other.

I've said this in another post, but I think that while Sonic and Shadow are the same person dealing with different circumstances, Amy and Sonic are different people...dealing with the same circumstances.

Amy's current state will be very similar to Sonic's in the first film, except that Sonic came here with the mindset of protecting himself while Amy came to protect others, with a mission to use her powers to prevent any event that leads to a definitive bad ending, as well as guardian of the jewels of her lost home.

And you can ask: how are they both on Earth at the same time if Amy came from the future?

Remember I said that Ivo traveled through time? Yeah, I don't believe that Robotnik went to the future...but to the past.

He arrived on Mobius after Sonic had already fled and Longclaw was dead. And with this change, Amy was sent to Earth to fix things, not knowing that Sonic is alive or even remembering him due to her age at the time and the fact that it was a traumatic event, before the future got worse and irreversible.

But her powers were a mess after that trauma.

Amy Rose in general would be a MESS . Girlfailure for real!

If Sonic didn't handle isolation well, Amy was a disaster!

I imagine her always fighting the Metal Army - traveling between points in time and even different places - always trying to stop them somehow and how this limits her. It tires her. How everything always repeats itself endlessly and she can't think of a solution without putting thousands of lives in a rewrite of the universe.

She would grow up near New York, obsessed with musicals, rom-coms, magical girls and everything else stereotypically feminine not only because she loves it, but to keep her sanity, observing it all from a distance. Because just like Sonic, she also placed herself in self-imposed exile.

But to protect others instead of protecting herself.

Amy was instructed to always fight and she does. She has a duty and Metal Sonic already has an advantage in time because of her. I believe Amy blames herself for Metal Army having its power and she doesn't want to hurt anyone else, in addition to the trauma of losing the house itself.

And guilt is a strong feeling. And feelings are the basis of the powers of chaos, which has scrambled the use of hers. In particular, the vision of the future.

Yes, I think Amy can see the future with her temporal manipulation.

She would use her chaos energy to see the timeline and how things would unfold. Imagine her eyes glowing pink but instead of a powerful blow coming out what is happening and her surroundings changing to show her enemies next steps. Just like Garnet from Steven Universe and an advantage in battles since she deals with an AI that learns from mistakes.

Except her trauma ended up interfering with them and now the local girl has some involuntary and messed up visions.

And yes, it would be these powers of prediction that showed Sonic in the park. That's why she was able to rescue him, Amy knew this would happen because her powers trigged.

(And no, Amy doesn't remember Sonic (nor he her) when they meet. Even though that feeling of similarity hovers between them, but without definitive memories. They were little when they met and between Sonic probably avoiding memories of their time on Mobius like the plague and Amy living on a moving planet that passes through places all the time, besides not expecting that her dead friend is alive these two ended up forgetting. Especially since forgetting memories is a symptom of trauma.)

And Amy, meeting Sonic and the Wachowskis, would begin to heal with company and support. In addition to facing the past now that Sonic is there too.

I also don't think her mission is to protect Sonic. But after rescuing him, images from the future started to appear more and more and resolves to sticks with him because she believes that he's some destined hero sent to help her by fate. The girl would go from random imagens sometimes to full time pop-up scenarios with the arrival of this boy that triggers her powers. Well, he is the key to chance after all.

Amy may think that Sonic is the answer to solving her problems (ironic because I believe that Sonic will be as lost as she is and thinks that Amy, with all her combat experience, has the means to solve things lol) and plans to resolve the situation begin to be made, although it’ll be chaotic with Gun, Metal Sonic and Ivo hot on their tails.

Perhaps Amy has an admiration for Sonic after know his acts as a great hero (because I'm sure Sonic would be talking about how he saved the world multiple times) just to later see the trainwreck that the boy really is and remember Sonic as her until then dead friend.

What she’ll relate to, because I think her biggest enemy will be herself.

Amy would blame herself for the various horrible events that have occurred and seeks some sort of atonement at any cost. Maybe feeling that she has disrupted the timeline, considering that Little Planet's culture can be very oriented towards reflecting on the agency of our actions in the consequences and what can be - or not - fate.

Ofc that in the end the answer is that we made our own fate and yada yada but the girl👏🏼 is👏🏼 struggling👏🏼! Hell, after being the last refugee of her planet, Amy possibly have survivor’s guilt! 

Perhaps she even believes that if she died everything would be fine, since in the grand scheme of things there would be other more important variables. That she should be dead from the beginning.

And the relationship with the Wachowskis would make her realize that she matters, that she can change everything not just for others, but for herself too.

Just...Amy being a beacon of unconditional love and kindness who finds the love she offers in others *sobs*.

GUN

I hate GUN, all my bros hate GUN.

They're horrible and while I we know that already (a huge list of their atrocities here, courtesy of @iwasbored777 ), I believe that this will reach another level in the fourth film.

Because Rockwell will probably be the new leader after Walter's death.

We know that GUN is xenophobic and violent. They are ruthless towards those they call aliens and anyone else who gets in their way. Hell, the only reason Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles live with the Wachowskis is probably because Walter pulled some strings, believing it would be easier to keep them under control and avoid another fiasco like Shadow was (@sairenharia has a phenomenal post about it.)

And with Rockwell in the head, the Wachowski family is already on thin ice.

It doesn't matter if they always cleaned up their mess or that GUN was shady from the beginning. Rockwell and those prejudiced agents wouldn't care about that.

And the arrival of Metal Sonic would be the excuse they were waiting for.

You see, Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Shadow and Amy are just regular kids. Aliens, yes, but kids nonetheless. They want love, friends, family. Man, they've all experienced grief! They're just as human as Tom, Maddie or Wade.

But GUN doesn’t care about that. Not when these military men only see living weapons because they are different. The dreaded “other” they couldn’t touch…until now.

Because just like in real life, GUN doesn't just want these aliens gone. They want their powers, their abilities, without dealing with the child. Because these invaders aren't worthy of being treated like normal humans, but their strengths are still theirs to exploit. So how do you convince them that those who have done nothing but save lives are a threat?

Dehumanization. The worst part? They have the perfect arguments.

There are powerful killer robots made in the image of the alien that wiped out power in the entire Pacific Northwest and destroyed important human historical monuments and ruined parts of the planet. Bad aliens who destroyed part of the moon and helped to charge the eclipse canon in the first place. Threats. Monsters.

Therefore, they need to be hunted and contained by good humans.

If love is the theme of Sonic 4, the antagonists will bring hate as a counterpoint.

GUN has always been like this, but the fourth film would be the pinnacle. A real witch hunt against Sonic, Amy, Tails and Knuckles. Shadow too.

Especially with Amy having the powers - or the technique - of time travel, an asset that Rockwell would certainly be eager to get her hands on, making the situation even more difficult for these kids who just want to stop a madman from enslaving the human race. Black Doom may not be a thing in the future of the franchise, but there is someone as low as GUN.

I can see them making biased videos against the dangerous aliens, asking people for information in exchange for rewards. They manipulate Stone who is mourning Ivo and bring him to their side. Of terrifying plans with assets as powerful as chaos energy and time travel.

Their headquarters are in London, the largest colonizing empire in the world, for God's sake! There's no subtlety!

That's why I really want to see a confrontation scene between them.

I want to see Amy who is nothing but loving - the embodiment of love in the franchise - who lost her home to a colonizing human and is risking her life and the lives of everyone she cares about by throwing in Rockwell and all these agents' faces that they are nowhere near this image of protective heroes. That they are power-hungry lunatics. Not that bad - worse than Robotnik.

That they would rather lock up children in greed rather than focus on the problems.

I want Shadow back and beat the crap out of a bunch of agents. I want to see him calling out Gun for all the suffering he went through, for killing Maria, for kidnapping and taking advantage of him.

See Sonic mad because those people is threatening his family. The same people he had to hide because he knew they would hunt them, a kid, down. Just they did in Hawaii.

I want to see her, Sonic, Tails, Knuckles and Shadow in a fight with them to show that yes, they could decimate humanity if they wanted to. That they have the power to do so and could not be stopped. But that they, who GUN calls monsters, have nothing but empathy. They are better than that.

I-

I just need to see these kids expose their hypocrisy.

(And if Ivo didn't survive, it was certainly them who created Metal as a contingency measure.)

SHADOW 

I have no idea how Shadow will appear in this movie. He's not dead and he's still out there, is all we’re informed of. 

BUT I know I want him interacting with the rest of the Colorful Bunch! I want to see him wreaking havoc on a Gun HQ. Mourning Maria and coming to terms with the chaoa.

He and Sonic reunite.

C’mon, the blue boy thinks he's dead and possibly vice versa, they need to talk about the last movie and Shadow joining the team could help him turn the page. Find some support. Help Sonic with his guilt just like he did for him.

And I want Shadow to fight with the team! He's insanely powerful, the ultimate life form. Combine that with Amy's time manipulation powers and Sonic's speed and we're in for some insane action, I know!

Not only that but I think the franchise is planning something big for the hedgehogs in the franchise so things could get even more interesting with their interactions!

Just give the boy some hot chocolate, a home and a warm blanket.

TAILS AND KNUCKLES

These boys would be in the trenches. After the whole Master Emerald mess, Sonic would be a wreck and clearly having problems. That he wouldn't talk about. Tails and Knuckles will have an important impact here by repaying the kindness Sonic has always shown them and supporting their brother who is not doing well at all. Not only that, I think the film will focus more on the bonds and interactions of characters, so we will see more of them and their pasts. Both Tails and Knuckles had devastating backstories that deserve to be addressed. With the arrival of Amy and the core four complete, it will be their chance to shine and we have cute and emotional interactions between them.

Not only that, but also necessary conversations between the 3 brothers. I believe Tails and Knuckle will have their individual moments with Sonic and all together. In addition to one with Amy who would be very close to all of them with all these events.

These boys will shine, I know!

IVO ROBOTNIK

Everyone's favorite problematic person!

He's... complicated. Jim Carrey agreed to return for Sonic 4 and most of my theories have him in a major role. So yeah, I'm assuming Ivo survived.

As I mentioned before, Ivo would be responsible for taking over Little Planet, killing several people and causing Amy to escape when she went after her powers and the Time Stones. Because, you see, just because he saved the Earth, that doesn't mean he's a good person.

Ivo saved the world for Stone . For that one person who cared and loved him and that he cares about. Only now Ivo has been sent through time to an unknown planet, without Stone and with brand new traumas.

Of course this maniac's defense mechanism will turn to chaos and destruction.

The only family he had never cared, and he's cut off from the only real support he had thanks to himself, who ignored Stone's pleas in the name of something that turned out to be false. And the guilt is a strong thing, even for Ivo.

But he would never acknowledge it.

So, Eggman would seek to fulfill his needs for love and family with what he has relied on his entire life - machines - in search of some control that he has clearly lost. Ivo would embrace the thought that love is a weakness and connection only makes you lose. He delves into hatred and makes it the source of his greatest creation: Metal Sonic.

Ivo blames Sonic for everything and just like in the games, he makes a version that he can control to feel better. At the same time, Metal Sonic would also be a loyal servant who supports him unconditionally. A failed attempt to fill the void left by Stone in a machine that will destroy everything that the blue hedgehog loves for ending his life. He wants to make Sonic pay and it will be insane.

He uses the Metal Army to bring suffering to Little Planet and fulfill his dream of tyranny, domination of lower forms. After all, Robotnik is a colonizer. A scientist with delusions and desires of grandeur and hatred for aliens.

But this will not bring the comfort Ivo seeks - hate is not love - and he would feel that victory is unsatisfying, hollow, without Stone along. So he would deceive himself further, convincing himself that fulfillment will come with more control, and go after the Chaos Stones and Amy, consequently.

Ivo deals with guilt with hate instead of love. He is on a planet that controls time, but his inability to face the past and his own mistakes would prevent him from truly healing his traumas. On the contrary, he would cause more pain and continue the cycle. Wanting to rewrite reality at all costs, regardless of the consequences.

And you'll find out the hard way that hate is no substitute for love and you can't escape the consequences of your actions when Metal Sonic rebels and takes over both Little Planet and the army of inferior Metals made of it.

*Slam hands on a table* Yes pals, we would have Neo Metal! And the heroes having to team up with Ivo once again to stop him with Stone in tow much to Robotnik's dismay.

Talk about your haunted past, huh?

(A little aside about Agent Stone: I have no idea what his role will be in the next film. He could be the big bad, a minor bad, Shadow's new handler, I have no idea. But I do know he's going to meet Ivo again, and it's going to be tense to say the least. Feel free to ramble on.)

Ivo would also be crucial to both Amy and Sonic's conflict.

He would be the one who would be a mirror for the blue hedgehog, someone he could become if Sonic doesn't deal with his traumas correctly: someone who would rather remake time-space than accept past decisions just like the creator of the machine that tormented him throughout the film.

Ivo would also be the test of Amy's love and selflessness. This girl believes that everyone can change. But, would she have any mercy for the one who took everything from her? Amy wouldn't lose control like Sonic, she has too much respect for life for that, but would she listen to Ivo if she needed his help like the boys accepted at the end of the third film?

Either way, Robotnik would be one of the biggest emotional cores in this clash of hate/love/time.

And no, I don't believe Eggman will ever redeem himself. He's a bad person, and he always will be. But even bad people can love, that's a basic need for humanity not something you earndd.

If anything, at most I think Ivo would find peace, not redemption in the end, finally reconciling with Stone and perhaps a reprogrammed Metal Sonic. All together on the run forever as a family.

Sounds like a happy ending to me either way.

METAL SONIC

Shoutout to all the fans of this little guy! I love this metallic hedgehog!

Metal Sonic is iconic ! He's a machine custom-built in Sonic's image. He plays dirty, is full of hate, and has only his sights set on defeating his organic counterpart, with no trace of empathy.

I love him and the movie can do so many cool things with him!

For starters, with Metal being built with both Sonic and Amy's quills, he has both attributes.

The fastest creature in the universe was the source of his speed ability and general traits of Sonic and Amy to be able to travel through time and her your cpu's insane ability to predict actions. He would be insanely powerful with his chaos energy punches, shapeshifting ability, and off-the-charts adaptability.

With both of their Chaos energy signatures in his database, Metal is able to track them both...anywhere, which makes the two hedgehogs prime targets.

Although Sonic is undoubtedly the one who lives in Metal's head rent-free.

He would be made by Eggman to kill Sonic, equipped with an advanced AI with the ability to learn, collect and reproduce attacks, cataloging them in databases as it was in Sonic Heroes. And of course, going back in time as many times as necessary to destroy his enemy. In addition to chasing Amy and getting the Time Stones.

Yes, Metal Sonic would have a beef with the two teenage hedgehogs, he's nothing but a hater at heart.

Metal, thematically, would be Sonic without the emotions. Without the attachment, loyalty and most importantly, empathy of the blue hedgehog. The robot would behave as the polar opposite of him, replicating only his chaos control abilities. And, as the film unfolds, he would become obsessed, thinking he is the real Sonic and that the fastest creature in the universe is just a cheap and inferior copy that he needs to defeat.

I think that, in the beginning, Sonic would see him as perfect. Reflecting his desire to suppress his emotions, Metal would be the carefree, completely selfish version. Yes, Sonic is not selfish, but perhaps he thought it would be easier if he didn't have to deal with his emotions. That they hinder more than they help, whether it's his anger leading to revenge or sadness leaving him vulnerable.

Because that would be one of Sonic's problems: the fear of being emotionally vulnerable.

But the lack of love is bad for anyone, including Metal, and it would be this hateful attitude focused on just killing Sonic that would lead to ruin.

He only thinks about destroying the hedgehog at any cost. Whether it's shooting him in the back, kidnapping and decimating an entire planet...or rebelling against his creator. Metal Sonic is incapable of feeling or understanding empathy or love.

And that will be his defeat.

I theorize that Metal will have his own agenda throughout the film, wanting to gather information from everyone - especially the movie's hedgehogs: Sonic, Amy and Shadow - to go Neo Metal. He would improve himself in search of the Time Stones and be able to rewrite history so that Sonic was never in it and rule the universe himself.

I believe that when he becomes Neo Metal and goes on a rampage to destroy Sonic and get the Time Stones, the heroes' plan will rely on exactly what he doesn't expect: camaraderie, affection and unconditional love between them. Metal is rational, not understanding attitudes such as staying behind to help his family or fight for his brothers or sacrificing himself for others. It's counterproductive. Even though he has an army of clones, he doesn't understand teamwork because these copies of him are just pawns to him.

It's going to be Sonic, Amy, Tails, Knuckles and Shadow fighting relentlessly despite the odds that are stacked against them because these kids care. About each other and about the Earth. Even if it's counterintuitive. Even with GUN hunting them. Hell, he'll even see his creator with them.

And the worst part is that Metal Sonic will never change. He was programmed to be born out of hate, out of the belief that love and connection are weaknesses. That's just who he is. And Sonic will never be able to give him a pep talk in his darkest hour to change his mind. Some people are just bad and don't want to change... even if they are capable of some good.

I think Metal's personality will be similar to the OVA. He can't stand Sonic, but he's built on his personality. So I think we can see Metal having good deeds despite everything. Remember, even bad people are capable of love to a certain extent and Metal is not stupid. He has a complex existential crisis and a tragic character. He has some foundations for change but the lack of real emotions only makes him emulate. And it gets worse with his obsession.

This little guy is going to make me cry.

SONIC AND AMY

Fun fact, I’m not a Sonamy shipper.

I haven’t played the game or read the comics. But the way that I know that Amy and Sonic can be written in this movie has a grip on me, especially with the Sonamy route kinda confirmed. Really, my writer's brain is filled with possibilities and I know this is a controversial topic and I understand, but I👏🏼 have 👏🏼thoughts !👏🏼 

Sonamy (and Amy) as a whole are very much a product of their historical context and place of creation. It doesn't please everyone and I recognize problematic aspects that exist in this dynamic, even if it has changed over the years, as well as the appeal of the various good parts.

I would like to thank in advance all of you who are reading who don't ship either because you prefer other couples or don't like Sonamy regardless of the reason in general or are just terrified of reducing Amy to a love interest for being here and hearing a different side. You are the real one ✊🏼

To begin with, what I'm going to cover here is limited to Movie!Sonic and Movie!Amy. Both of them are different from their game counterparts, taking on relevant aspects like narrative role and core personality but ultimately having their own interpretation. Just like the appeal that the duo will have in the fourth film.

Okay? Okay.

Many people rightly fear that Amy will be reduced to a love interest in a forced romantic storyline, especially since this is her first appearance. And being limited like that would be horrible for the only girl in the main group.

However, I don't see that as the case. Not only do I believe that will not be forced, but she will be essential to the story happening . Their relationship will not happen because "boy and girl fall in love." No, Sonic and Amy having feelings for each other will help the film develop in a way that not having that would make the narrative weaker.

The relationship between Sonic and Amy will be thematically relevant and deeply developed.

Why do I think this, you ask?

*Grabs 500 slides* I'm glad you did! 😃

First, the beginning of this connection starts differently from games.

Amy appears saving Sonic instead of the other way around as happened in the games, which shows that their dynamic will be profoundly different, as will Amy and Sonic themselves.

In the films, Amy will have her own arc, goals, problems and desires, making her a complex and interesting character in her own right. In addition to an altered backstory, which has already been theorized earlier, which helps to give structure to this dynamic.

She's clearly not there just to pursue Sonic and be his romantic partner. Of course, she'll probably develop feelings for him, both because that's part of the character's original essence and because a romance in itself doesn't make her or the script bad.

It's about execution. And both Jeff and the writing team have already shown that they are good at that.

The writers in both the introductory scene and interviews have made it clear that the days of Amy's worst writing are behind her. If Amy's origins show her as a damsel in distress who evolved into a heroine in her own right, Amy and Sonic will be equals from the start.

They can both defend themselves and each other. Plus, I believe Amy will be an important character in the franchise in the long run, further reducing the fear of her being just a “love interest.”

Second, I think the writing will focus on the characters' connection - not the romance itself.

My guess is that if the writers really want to sell this couple as they intend, they won’t rely on the “stereotypical romance.” It wouldn’t work. Instead, they’ll opt to show their connection, affinity, and mutual trust, as well as a shared backstory. The bond without any label.

They will be friends before anything else.

Because there is potential, a lot of potential, running that way.

I don't believe the chosen route will be that Sonic starts to have a crush on Amy just because she's a girl because we're talking about extremely traumatized teenagers here.

Let's be honest, they don't know shit about romance. These two probably won't even be aware that they're in love and will attribute the typical feelings of have a crush to just being a regular friendship (yes, denial, they'll go into denial). Which in my opinion is better because, despite the typical butterflies and meaningful glances, there wouldn't be the pressure of something more and it would give both of them space to get on the same page.

Sonic has abandonment and trust issues. Even with Tails he had some reservations at first. If anything, he's terrified and suspicious of Amy right after she destroyed those robots that almost killed him.

Amy is no better, possibly coming from a destroy home and a stressful life, and while very empathetic, she can also follow a route of not being very honest about how she feels and alternates between trying to be always cheerful - almost with a toxic positivity - and moments of anger and strong breakdowns. You know, since she is canonically short-tempered and angry.

There's no way these two are going to fall in love at first sight for no reason. No, they're going to have history, substance, and - my personal favorite - ✨ narrative parallels ✨.

As I've theorized before, Amy and Sonic have known each other before and have similar pasts. And if that's true, I believe it will be this feeling of reminiscence that will allow the two to develop a bond despite any mistrust.

This is the feeling Sonic will feel when he meets Amy for the first time, not infatuation or anything like that, but lingering familiarity. The impression that he's seen her before. And their bond would grow deeper from there.

Sonic wouldn't fall in love with Amy because she's a girl, he would fall in love with her because they were  - are - friends, because they would have things in common and would like the peace and quiet that that brings. Sonic would fall in love with Amy because that's Amy and he wouldn't have anyone but her.

And the opposite would also be true. Amy would see all the flaws, quirks, and traumas and stay anyway because it's Sonic, and she doesn't want to change him. She wants to be by his side, by the home he would become for her. On the side of this brave, kind and empathic boy.

They will not only have strong common ground, but unlike any other dynamic presented before, with a lot of potential to grow.

Since I think this Sonamy will be a slow burn.

I theorize that the fourth film will lean more on the romantic tension and friendship that this connection will provide, with anything more serious being left at the end and pursued in the future films. That this mutual understanding, this very distinct connection that they have will be explored, far beyond any label.

This will be the high point of the dynamic: the somewhat dubious nature between friendship and romantic love between two teenagers who went through similar upbringings and traumas and are fundamentally so different but who still find support, love and a safe place in each other unlike any other regardless of everything.

Sonic and Amy will bring out sides of each other that no other character could and that will be fascinating to watch.

Third, the potential for conflict .

If you watch the games, you know that despite her meteoric love for Sonic, Amy never held back from standing up to Sonic when she thought he was wrong. And I think that will be one of the highlights of this duo.

Amy and Sonic are profoundly different and this will undoubtedly cause friction. Which is great!

No healthy relationship has people who agree all the time and that causes growth. And to be honest, both Sonic and Amy are going to need to hear other sides and they're kind of the only people who can reach out to each other.

Starting with Sonic. The third film showed that this boy, despite loving his brothers very much, doesn't listen to them. Especially when he gets something in his head. The Master Emerald clash proves this. Not even Tails or Knuckles were able to make Sonic change his mind.

But Amy could do it.

And not because of the power of love like Sonic's crush, no. Amy could do it because this girl is brutal! This pink hedgehog has a strong temperament and is canonically the most emotionally intelligent character of this colorful bunch and she knows it. Not only does she know it, but she would use it.

Because the thing with Amy Rose is that she's not afraid of Sonic, yes he is her hero and references yes but above all she sees them as equals. And Amy is not afraid at all to match his energy when it comes to arguing.

If she decides this kid needs a reality check, she will do it in a heartbeat.

Because Amy is in touch with her own emotions and Sonic will desperately need to do that.

On the other hand, Sonic would do the same to Amy.

As stated, I theorize that she will place very little value on her own life in the name of what she considers the greater good, something that there is no way Sonic will let pass. He would be horrified at how Amy does not see herself as important, that someone who claims to care so much would leave her loved ones behind.

And honestly, Sonic has had enough trauma with an important loved one sacrificing themselves for his well-being (looking at you Longclaw 👀), and people sacrificing themselves for the greater good in general (Shadow 👀). Amy isn't going to be another person he's going to let slip through his fingers.

Aside from the less intense forms of differences, with Amy pointing out and advising Sonic that he needs to be more open in a calm conversation and Sonic saying that Amy needs to slow down and think more about herself, maybe one day there will be fun with the whole family gathered in the middle of the mission.

And that's the thing. Being differents, Amy and Sonic help each other see other points of view that they wouldn't have with anyone else otherwise. And that's so cool!

They would be each other's voice of reason and let's face it, they 're going to need it.

Fourth, these two have the narrative on their side.

God, I love this one. It adds the necessary thematic tension to the story and gives weight to any interaction. There's a reason Sonic and Shadow are such a big part of Sonic 3's story.

And with Amy and Sonic it would be no different.

As I said before, if Sonic and Shadow are the same person dealing with different circumstances, Amy and Sonic are different people dealing with the same circumstances.

And this is fertile ground for interesting interactions and intriguing personality clashes.

Amy and Sonic would have the same upbringing and situation: they lost their guardians very early and lived in isolation. However, the small deviations in their individual stories and their similar yet different personalities would bring another level to the narrative.

They share the fear of having to deal with painful memories and the guilt that such traumas generate. They have responsibilities to fulfill with their powers and even the same madman hunting them in real time.

But Sonic ignores emotions and sees them as a hindrance while Amy embraces hers. Sonic was told to protect himself while Amy must protect others. Sonic grew up isolated because he was guided while Amy imposed it on herself. He had quiet, boring days while she struggled through life in a big city.

Still, the loneliness is the same. The agony after years of just watching life pass you by is the same. The longing for connection is the same.

Amy and Sonic would never be the same person, yet they are similar where it matters and that makes me FERAL! They not only know what the worst parts of each other's lives are like, but the path that leads to the desire for the best ones as well. And that potential chemistry between them that makes me vibrate like a chihuahua.

They won't ignore each other, they couldn't ignore each other.

Do you see the vision?

Not only that, the affinity these two have in the films has the potential to be insane .

They can match each other freaks, your honor!

I know these two have similar inside jokes and tastes. Amy is your average teenage girl, she does the poses from magical girl manga while Sonic has superhero catchphrases. She's a musical junkie and sings (quite well) all the songs by heart, just like Sonic loves action movies. She would get his cheesy references . Hell, I can see her laughing at those awful Sonic jokes because these two traumatized teenagers have the same sense of humor.

To the level where Tom, Maddie, Knuckles, Tails and Shadow would look at each other in horror thinking “oh my god, there are two of them” (Shadow especially and with more stress in his voice and expression).

But it goes beyond the most superficial interests.

Again, Sonic in the movies has a lot of trauma. He saw his first parental figure killed because people wanted his powers, which led to 10 years of isolation that almost drove him insane. If you notice, all the most important people in this blue hedgehog's life are selfless and good people, both to people and animals. If there's one thing he values in people, it's kindness and goodness.

And guess which character has these defining characteristics? That's right, Amy Rose.

In return, Sonic can inspire Amy with his heroism and free spirit, with her admiring his world-saving actions and his love for his family. This is crucial because Sonic himself in this version is extremely empathetic, something that someone who cares about others as much as Amy would take into account.

They complement each other. They are compatible. They help each other.

Not only that, with their shared past, the bond between these two reaches a new level because only Sonic and Amy knew each other before everything went wrong. This part that will never come back and that both can use to help each other overcome what happened towards a better future.

We can see Sonic convincing Amy that no, she doesn't have to sacrifice herself and do everything alone because she has him, all the Wachowskis. See Amy, in Sonic's darkest hour , helping him and supporting him.

Then we have the ✨ parallels ✨.

God, the writers can destroy us with these.

We would start with the backstory. Friends separated by tragedies beyond their control. Loss of parental figures. Observing one's own life from the outside.

And then we have the similarity with Tom and Maddie.

Look me in the face and tell me the couple with similar temperaments are like these two with the same color scheme are not a narrative parallel. Tom, who is impatient, helpful and restless like Sonic, and Maddie, who is kind, caring and full of personality, does not resemble these two hedgehogs at all.

Tom and Maddie have elements of companionship, dynamics and even a history of sacrifices that they both made for each other to be used narratively. They are the mirror of what Sonic and Amy can be in the future. And that makes me foam at the mouth . It would also give a narrative role and depth to both of them, especially Maddie since she deserves her time to shine and would be one of the many good chances.

They could show how this kind of love requires effort and sacrifice, but can be rewarding. This would let Tom and Maddie shine as parents and guides to the potential young romance, even with their own love story told to help.

(Tom and Maddie met and fell in love because they saw each other every summer, you're going to take this hc out of my dead, lifeless hands).

But what drives me wildest is how they're able to give the running joke of Amy always being able to find Sonic and go after him no matter where he is a whole new meaning .

It's about the symbolism of Sonic, the boy afraid of abandonment with super speed to the point of moving through time and found a family, discovering a refuge in the deep bond with Amy, the girl who can find him anywhere because knows time like anyone and wants  a place to belong.

Is about how they understand what hurts the other and know that they can help.

About how Amy can give the unconditional love that Sonic is so desperately after and he can give her the companionship and family she needs and desires to thrive.

How Sonic, the child who always lends a helping hand and is empathetic to even the most despicable enemies finds a person who does the same… for him .

Someone who had his life literally destroyed by an army made in his image saying that it doesn't matter if he thinks he'll always end up hurting the people he loves, because it's not true. And even if it did , they - and his entire family - would get through it together. Because she - his entire family - loves him.

That he is worth it.

I- *Sobs violently*

THE COLORFUL WACHOWSKI BUNCH

Oh boy, the Wachowskis are going to go through the trenches in this movie, I can feel it. The dynamics of this family are going to be chaotic.

If the previous problems were external, I believe the tensions in the fourth film will be internal .

For starters, Sonic will be going THROUGH it.

The consequences of the stupid things he did will definitely come back to bite him in the butt. I believe that even though his brothers have forgiven him, I don't think Sonic has completely forgiven himself and that will cause some serious self-loathing.

We'll have GUN after him and his entire family, using as an excuse, among other things, the destruction he caused in his little revenge rampage. The moon is permanently destroyed. The odds will not be in his favor.

Then, Metal Sonic will appear. A seemingly better, problem-free and perfect version. Accompanied by an equally perfect army that goes after his family that Sonic fought so hard to keep safe, making him face the possibility of losing everything to no one but himself. A better and faster version of himself.

And to top it all off, he will have the possibility of a BAD FUTURE weighing on his shoulders, where not only he but the entire galaxy could be enslaved and/or die if he can't resolve the situation.

I theorize that for the first time since Longclaw died, Sonic is starting to think that maybe...he's not fast enough.

Or the good enough brother, son and hero. And maybe that will start to make him distance himself from everyone to protect them. And yes, not even Tom, Maddie, Knuckles or Tails would take it well, trying to make him see reason and always giving reassurances.

The family would strengthen bonds with Sonic learning that past pains cannot be changed, but love can help you overcome them and look to the future.

Relevant because as I already mentioned, with time travel, Sonic may be faced with the choice - thanks to the Time Stones - of being able to rewrite his life with the change that Longclaw never died this time (nor Shadow being imprisoned or Gerald burning the Earth, of course). But that would mean he would never find the family he has now.

Which can be a dangerous dilemma, not because Sonic doesn't love them, but between unresolved trauma and the thought that everyone would be better off without him - it can be a tempting thought. He'd have the home and family he never should have lost and no one else would get hurt (of course, this is a result of trauma - almost all the Wachowskis would be miserable).

Tom, Maddie, Tails, and Knuckles would remind Sonic that no, their lives are better with him there. Nothing can change that. Tails would be suffering, Knuckles would never have found peace, Shadow would still be suffering, and Tom and Maddie would never be as happy as they are.

And then comes the other big change in the family dynamic: Amy Rose.

See, Amy is a wild card because she's totally different from any other character.

She is a character who will not be treated as a family member or an official sibling. She is someone who will bring a new perspective and dynamic. A normality in the chaos, someone who brings a vision full of love and empathy but with a fresh and outside perspective, which will help a lot.

Starting out, she and Sonic will have a shared past that none of the other characters have had before, as mentioned. This will create a strong foundation based on mutual security. Amy's actions will affect Sonic in a way that makes him softer and more open. And in return, Sonic will share his family, the sense of home that he is so grateful for.

Leading both of them to heal together from the traumatic past, along with the rest and generating cute scenes.

Because this family is going to have their hands full!

As I said before, she has traits in common with her siblings and come on, Amy - and all of us - deserve all the platonic relationships too! The 4 of them are the core group so it's no wonder they all get along well. Not to mention it's an ideal way to get rid of the image of Amy Rose as just a "love interest".

I know Tails and Knuckles are going to be the brothers ever. Not only will they tease Sonic for having a crush, but they'll see how much better their brother is doing and be grateful to Amy.

Not only that, but I'm a big fan of the Amy-Tails-Knuckles siblinghood! Those are her brothers, your honor! It's her strong older brother and her smart younger brother! Amy has sparring sessions with Knuckles and robotics afternoons with Tails! Above all, I believe that Amy's actions can help Knuckles and Tails heal as well. Both boys have backstories that have affected them, pasts that her empathy and sympathy could help them find common ground and deal with (Shadow wouldn't escape this either, Amy has the same friend-for-all policy as the Wachowskis).

Tom and Maddie are going to go through it too. Between the weather and GUN confusion, being the responsible adults™ for all four of these kids is going to be WILD.

After all, will this couple of parents discover that their children's new friend travels through time, sees the future and is almost an empath??? 

And that their middle child, who is going through an existential crisis being chased by a literal evil doppelganger and the government, may not only be falling madly in love with her but have already met before??? And she comes from a living satellite planet with stones that rewrite time and reality???? And this girl, like their boys, also has something clearly wrong with her???

Since yes, I theorize that Amy's altruism will have a dark side to her arc and have a part with the Wachowskis.

She is not a person with a tendency to protect herself but others, a trait reinforced by her mission. And what happens when someone like that finds a family to care for? Strong sacrificial tendencies and very little self-preservation.

Amy loves so much and I believe she would give her life to ensure the protection and well-being of those she cares about. After meeting Sonic and the Wachowskis, after getting to know them and becoming attached to them - knowing everything they've been through - if she comes to a point where she has to walk away from them or sacrifice herself to protect them, she will do it.

She doesn't want to die. But she would gladly do it to save her loved ones. And I'm sorry, but if your general instinct is to die... you need therapy.

In Amy's case, the almost overwhelming concern and unconditional support of the local family 😊

Yes, self-sacrifice is noble and all, but this is likely to be concerning. All the Wachowskis would do whatever they could to prevent anyone else from dying to save the world.

Shadow will also have a handful.

I really like this boy and want him in the movie, although I fear there may not be time because this boy needs a family! Not only that, Amy is kind of important in Shadow's life and it would be criminal not to see the two interact.

Just like Amy, he wouldn't exactly be one of Tom and Maddie's children. Depending on how his story plays out, he might even find a home with Stone.

Not only that, Sonic needs to know that he's okay. Because as far as everyone knows, Shadow is dead and he deserves better. I can't stop picturing Sonic and Amy all over this poor traumatized hedgehog with so much positivity and motivational speeches that he almost wishes he'd died in space. Shadow with the rest of the heroes would be really cool, and with GUN being one of the enemies, the ultimate lifeform can finally have a less violent reckoning.

But there is still a reckoning to be made.

Not only that, the theme of love and trauma would be great for Shadow to heal from as well. Both in the form of Sonic and with Amy, who canonically reminds him of Maria, he can finally find new people to care about.

Yes, that's my Shadow-Amy siblinghood AND cousin Shadow agenda.

And with the movies possibly starting to explore the universe, what better way to do that than Black Doom's son!

Just…give me these kids interacting and destroying enemies.

And yes, neither Shadow nor Amy would be adopted by the Wachowskis. Shadow has his own things going on, maybe with Stone, wandering to know the world I don't know and Amy would probably go back to her home on Little Planet after all, or stay in New York or somewhere else in Green Hills.

But they would still family. In their own types and ways but still!

Final considerations

Thank you so much for reading this huge post with my thoughts. Feel free to send me questions and add your own thoughts. I'd love to hear your thoughts!

[something-tofightfor]

Third and Long

Pairing: Daniel (Wing Pit SNL sketch character) x Female Reader

Word Count: 4,437

Rating: M - There's some swearing and a teeny tiny little bit of spice, but nothing truly explicit.

Summary: Spending Super Bowl Sunday with Daniel is starting to become routine ... but this year, the outcome's not the same.

Author’s note:

Here we are again with yet another 'Chiefs are in the Super Bowl' piece ... but at least I got to write a different outcome this time. I really love this pairing, and this story is kind of a nice break in the action for me when it comes to the other stuff I've been working on. VERY low stakes, here.

The masterlist for this pairing can be found here in case you need or want to catch up. Enjoy, and thanks for reading!

You’d never seen Daniel as irritated during as game as he was that night. 

He was still interacting with the other people at the party - cracking jokes and enjoying the food, making it a point to comment on the commercials. But that look in his eyes… it’s…  You sighed from where you were perched on a couch cushion a few feet away from where he sat, watching as he winced at another dropped pass. 

“Daniel.” You called out to him, waiting until he’d looked over at you to continue. “Want to go get something to drink?” He looked again at he TV and wrinkled his nose, but then stood and nodded. You walked with him toward the kitchen, bypassing a few others that were grouped around the dining room table. 

Once you were in the kitchen, where another small TV on the counter had the game playing with no volume, you stopped and turned toward him. “So -”

“This game is bullshit.” He reached for the charcuterie board, picking up a couple of cubes of cheese and popping them into his mouth. “They’re playing like shit. Mahomes looks like shit. It’s making me not give a shit. And I don’t think anyone else on the damn team could catch a pass if -” 

“It’s just a game.” You reached for a different tray, picking up one of the appetizers you’d brought. “Just a single football -” 

His eyes widened and for a few seconds, you felt bad for teasing him. He loves football. And he loves his team, and it sucks to watch your team lose. “Just a game?” He scoffed, crossing his arms over the front of his jersey. “Only the biggest game of the -”

“I’m aware.” You chewed, tilting your head to the side. “I do know what the Super Bowl is, Daniel. I happen to like football, and -” He rolled his eyes but your teasing did the trick. Daniel moved toward you, putting his arm around your shoulders and drawing you closer so that he could kiss the top of your head. “It’s just a little unnerving to see you anxious after a whole season of just about everything going your team’s way, even when it shouldn’t have.” 

“Cut the shit.” He kissed you again and then pushed you away gently, the smile set on his lips. “You’ve seen me like this plenty of times over games.” But not recently. “And the refs favoring the Chiefs is also bu-”

“Absolutely accurate?” Your friend Charlie walked in, heading straight for the fridge. “It seems like if anyone even breathes in Mahomes’ direction, there’s a 15 yard penalty called on ‘em.” Daniel grumbled but didn’t speak up, leaning back against the edge of the counter. “Not tonight, though.” He turned from the refrigerator, holding up a beer bottle. “And maybe that’s making a difference.” 

“Can’t argue with that logic.” You cleared your throat. “I saw a post on -” Daniel groaned, reaching up to pull his hat off so that he could run a hand over his face, making both you and Charlie laugh. “I’m just saying….” 

“I’m going to go and watch the rest of this game now.” Daniel resituated his hat, scowling at his friend and then you before his expression relaxed into a more easygoing one. “Are you coming, or are the two of you going to stay in here and talk more shit?” 

“Oh I’m coming with you.” You reached for a small plate, loading it up with snacks before you held it up. “And this time I’m going to sit next to you instead of watching you from the comfort of the other -” He rolled his eyes but was smiling, and as you walked back out into the main room, you felt his hand against the center of your back.  

You settled back in, thigh pressed against his, and Daniel’s arm went around your shoulders, urging you closer. “I’m not moving til after the second quarter now.” He pointed at the TV. “And by then, it’ll be more even.” You seriously doubted that, but didn’t voice your opinion out loud, instead just leaning against him and keeping your eyes on the screen.

You couldn’t believe that it was the third year you were spending watching the game with Daniel - and the second as his girlfriend. It seemed like no time at all since you’d run into him in the beer cave, but the months you’d spent with him had been almost perfect, which had probably helped time pass rapidly. Turning your head during a commercial break, you eyed him, watching as he grinned at one of the ads, a beer bottle paused halfway to his lips. 

Meeting him had been a lucky thing, and despite the rift between you during the football season, there hadn’t been any other real issues in your relationship. And I’m not used to that. You smiled as he made a joke with Charlie, Will and Kyra, pointing at the TV. I’m damn lucky. 

From almost he minute you’d met him, there’d been a connection between you, and over the weeks you’d spent getting to know him, that connection had grown. By the time you’d made things official, it was like you’d known each other for years, and the longer you were together, the more you felt that way. He’d seamlessly integrated himself into your life and you into his, and you couldn’t picture a day without him. Or Raider. Smiling at the thought of the dog, who was waiting at home for you, you settled back in as the game restarted. 

The second quarter didn’t go much better for the Chiefs, and even though the majority of the room was upset by it, Daniel seemed the most put out, his jaw locked and his eyes narrowed as he stared straight ahead at the TV. “At least the halftime show is going to be great.” You nudged him with your elbow, Daniel finally looking over at you. “What’s that look for?”

“How are you always in such a good mood during the game?” He gestured to the TV. “It’s like you don’t care what the score is no matter who is playing, and -”

“I don’t.” You shrugged. “It’s a game. Who wins is irrelevant, unless you’ve got money on the outcome, which - to my knowledge - neither of us do this year.” We didn’t bet anything, I just realized. He nodded, cocking his head to one side. “I watch for the commercials. I watch because spending time with our friends is …” You gestured at the people scattered around you. “Nice. It’s a game, D. And I like seeing you happy when your team is winning, but …” You wrinkled your nose and decided to give him a little bit of shit. “A healthy dose of humbling is good for even the mightiest of -” 

He swore at you, leaning forward and wrapping his arms around you before he pressed a kiss to the side of your head. “It’s just frustrating because I know they’re actually good.” I know it is. 

You both went quiet as the analysis ended and the actual show began, a few people in the room nodding their heads to the music throughout the entirety of the performance. Daniel kept you close, his arm around your shoulders and your head resting on his shoulder as you watched the TV screen together. 

Once the music ended, everyone scattered, the room clearing out as people refilled their food and drinks before the second half started. “Do you want to go, too?” You pointed at the kitchen. “Plenty of food left, and -”

“No.” He smiled, his expression soft. “I’m good where I am.” Daniel pulled his hat off, setting it on the arm of the couch before reaching for you with one hand. “C’mere.” You went willingly, smiling as he kissed you, though he didn’t push for more than a press of his lips to yours. Neither of you were phased by being open with your affection, but you were very aware of the fact that here were fifteen other people in the house, all of them filtering in and out of the room. “More of that later,” Daniel murmured when you broke apart, tweaking your chin with his thumb and forefinger. “You’re gonna have to keep my mind off of this loss.” 

That made you laugh. “Admitting defeat so soon?” You stood, putting your hands on your hips. “There’s still half a game left.” He rolled his eyes. “What?”

“They’d need to make a hell of a lot of changes in the second half just to give themselves a shot at catching up.” He waved his hand at the TV. “And I can’t see that happening.” You leaned closer, bending down and kissing his cheek. 

“Well, you’re about to see me going back into that kitchen and getting you another beer and another plate of wings.” His smile widened as you spoke, and you waved him off when he told you you didn’t need to. “Nah. I want to.” Winking, you turned away from him, weaving through guests and into the other room. 

It only took you a few minutes to get a plate for Daniel and a smaller one for yourself, balancing them in one hand as you carried two bottles with the other. You paused in the doorway before heading back to where he sat, leaning against the frame and watching as Daniel leaned forward, attention glued to the screen. 

“You’re going to have to distract the shit out of him after this.” Kyra whispered into your ear, pointing at Daniel with one finger. “They’re not coming back to win this one.” 

“I know.” You sighed. “I just hope I’m enough to keep his mind off the fact that his favorite team is embarrassing themselves on a national stage right now.” Kyra laughed and then lowered her head, still smiling. 

“I believe in you.” She switched her attention from Daniel to her husband, chewing on her lower lip. “But honestly, I might have to pretend to be distraught over the outcome and see if Will’s willing to try the same thing with me.” That made you snort, and when you separated a few seconds later, you were still smiling. 

He took the bottles from your hand when you got close, and then Daniel reached for the plates, too, holding them both while you got settled in next to him. “You didn’t miss much.” He picked up a wing, using it to gesture at the TV. “Except me making the point that I could probably go out there tonight and be a more effective QB than Mahomes, and -”

“Don’t we have this conversation at least once a game?” You wrinkled your nose at him. “Or at least once a game when they’re not playing up to your standards?”

“Maybe.” He rolled his eyes, biting into the chicken. “But tonight I actually mean it.” You bit back a laugh at that and then started eating, too, keeping your eyes on the TV. 

The third quarter was largely uneventful, until most of the way through it. 

The Chiefs fans in the room grew more and more frustrated as the clock ticked down, and when the Eagles scored another field goal, Daniel pulled his hat off and covered his face with it, groaning into the fabric. You heard him grumble the word unbelievable before he lowered it, but when he turned his head toward you, there was a genuine smile on his lips. “What?”

“It’s almost baseball season.” That made you laugh, too, and some of the other people in the room joined in. He’s not wrong. “Completely stress free time of year for me. Six months of sports that I can just watch and enjoy and -” 

“I’m calling bullshit on that.” Charlie cut in, using a beer bottle to point at Daniel. “I’ve seen you agonizing over your Fantasy Baseball team at work. Maybe it’s less stressful than football season, but -”

“Thank you, Charlie.” You lifted your hand and put it against your chest. “I can’t even count the number of times I’ve heard “oh, do you think Bryce has a good shot against this pitcher?” and “he’s on a hot streak right now, maybe I should trade for him and get rid of the guy that’s slumping” or even “who would you start? I don’t really care this week so you fucking pick.” It has got to be in the hundreds, so -”

“Now you’re just ganging up on me.” Daniel flipped a middle finger at you and his friend, but you could tell he was trying not to grin behind it. “I see how it is. I’m just going to - oh, fucking bullshit!” His attention went back to the TV, where the Eagles had just returned a kick for a touchdown, making the score 34-0. Ouch. “This is just painful at this point.” 

You agreed - and even though you’d gone into it hoping for an Eagles upset, you’d wanted it to at least resemble a competitive game. Because this is a blowout and that’s not fun. “And the commercials aren’t even good enough to make up for it, either.” 

“They’re not.” Daniel ran his fingers through his hair. “That Dunkin’ one was the only -” His eyes widened and he pointed at the TV, lips parted. “Holy shit, I think they’re going to put points on the board.” 

A few people in the room cheered as the play was completed, and you heard Daniel mutter something to the effect of six lousy points while he focused on the TV. No one reacted when the two point conversion was missed, though. That doesn’t surprise me with the way things have been going. You sighed as the clock ran down, but instead of keeping your eyes on the TV, you pulled your phone out, clicking on the list of alerts you’d received since the beginning of the night. 

You’d posted a photo of you, Daniel and Raider before leaving his house, the dog’s football bandana clearly visible, even though your arms were around his neck. And unlike the present, Daniel’s smile was wide and bright, his hair messy from air drying after the shower you’d taken together just before. “You don’t have to look at a picture of me, I’m right here.” He nudged you with his elbow, lifting a brow. “Raider’s going to be so happy to see us when we get back.” 

“Yeah, but in the picture, you’re smiling.” He rolled his eyes, but didn’t look away. “And he is. I’m sure he’s going to want to play, since we left him alone all night.” Daniel laughed quietly, reaching over with one had to slide his fingers between yours. “Everyone’s commenting that they’re sorry you don’t have a more competitive game to watch.” 

It wasn’t a lie - most of the comments on the picture were apologetic in nature, since all of your family and friends knew Daniel’s team preferences. But there are a couple he won’t be so happy to read. “Yeah, I’m sorry too.” He rubbed at his eyes. “Whatever. It is what it is.” 

You wanted to believe him, and you thought he wanted to believe himself, too, but you didn’t miss the tightness in his jaw as Philadelphia scored again - and then again almost immediately after. 

And you definitely didn’t miss the way he took his hat off and flipped it inside out before putting it on backwards, the brim pointed downward and at his shoulders. Rally cap when they’re down by 34 with eight minutes to go? OK, I guess. 

But there was no denying that you liked the way he looked. He rarely wore his hats backwards, and even though you knew he’d hate seeing it later, you snapped a picture of him, wanting to be able to look at it as often as you chose to. Maybe I can convince him to wear a hat like that more often. He leaned forward, hands between his knees, entirely focused on the remaining minutes of the game - and instead of watching the TV, you focused on him, lips twitching as you held back a smile. 

“Well fuck.” He grinned a few minutes later, the expression lifting both cheeks. “They scored again.” It was too little, too late, even with the extra points, and so was the final scoring play of the game, a meaningless touchdown and another 2 point conversion. “Well.” He sighed as the game ended, the celebrations beginning on he screen. “At least they didn’t completely embarrass themselves and score zero points the entire game.” 

You didn’t agree with that assessment, but chose not to speak up about it - for Daniel’s sake. “I’m sorry your team lost.” You bit the inside of your lip. “That’s the first time I’ve said that to you during a Super Bowl in the entire time I’ve known you.” He laughed, pushing to his feet and then turning to face you, holding both hands out. 

“Let’s hope it’s the last.” He helped you up, and then you both focused on cleaning up your space, carrying everything into the kitchen and the trash cans. It didn’t take you long to get your things together, but by the time you were saying goodnight, to-go containers of food and leftover drinks in bags that hung over your arms, the kitchen was mostly cleaned up - and you’d been told that you didn’t need to stick around to help finish. 

That was fine with you, since you’d offered to drive home, and even though it wasn’t late, it was late enough that you were ready to go. He stopped you before you stepped around  the front of the car, Daniel’s fingers closing around your arm. “What?” He didn’t reply, just let his eyes move over your face, lingering on your lips. I know that look. “Daniel?” 

“I know it’s just a game.” He pulled you closer, his free hand moving to your hip. “But thank you for … humoring me?” He frowned. “That’s not even the right word for it.” 

“I get it.” Reaching up, you pulled his hat off and then dragged your fingers through his hair, nodding. “It sucks when your team loses.” He sighed, the sound making you smile. “But… it gives me a chance to take your mind off of it, right?” That did the trick, Daniel’s eyes widening in the glow of the streetlights. Knew it. “We’ll see if I can figure something out.” 

“Oh, I know you can.” He smirked at you, narrowing his eyes as he got closer. “You’re really good at it.” He cut off your chuckle with a kiss, Daniel’s lips warm against yours. Unlike inside, where you’d had to worry about an audience while you kissed, there was no one outside with you - and you took advantage of it. 

You nipped at his lip, teeth catching on the fullest part of it, and that was all he needed. Daniel spun the two of you around so that your back was pressed against the car door, his body holding yours in place. It reminded you of the first night you’d met, even if the current kiss was much less PG, and you knew that he was likely thinking the same thing. We usually are. 

You smiled into it, lips parted, and when you felt his tongue nudge yours, you sighed, arms going around his neck. I’m so glad we met. I’m so glad -

“Can’t you two get a room or something?” Kyra. You hummed at the interruption, but Daniel didn’t back away immediately, instead finishing the kiss and then pressing another quick one against your mouth before turning his head. 

“Go away. She’s trying to take my mind off of the crushing loss my team just -”

“Don’t care.” She laughed, the lights on her and Will’s car flashing as she unlocked it. “Also it’s fucking cold out. Wouldn’t you rather be somewhere warm?” You didn’t disagree, and neither did Daniel, his grumble loud enough for your friends to hear. “I’m right. Don’t give me shit, Harper.” 

“Fine. But only because you asked so nicely.” You pushed away from the car and ducked under Daniel’s arm, flipping your middle finger at your friend and her husband. “Drive safe, you two.” They assured you that they would, and only moments later, you and Daniel were in his car, waiting for it to warm up a little before you pulled away from the curb. “She wasn’t wrong, you know.” You looked over at him, watching as Daniel turned his head toward you. “I will be happy to be inside with you.” 

He grinned, holding both hands out to gesture at the windshield. “Well then, what are we waiting for?”

— 

Less than an hour later, the two of you were headed into his bedroom. 

He’d ripped off his jersey the second you’d walked in the front door, tossing it - and his hat - onto the couch before he’d even kicked off his shoes. You’d gone through your routine - letting Raider out, putting the leftovers away and getting things ready for the following morning - before changing into pajamas. 

But it hadn’t taken long for the two of you to finish everything, and when Daniel’s hands found your waist and turned you toward the comfort of his bed, you didn’t try to deter him. Raider didn’t follow; instead, the dog curled up on his bed in the dining room, eyeing you as you passed by. Night, buddy. 

“Want to go out for dinner tomorrow?” He moved his hand up the center of your back, voice low. “Or do you have other plans?”

“I’ll have to check my schedule.” Turning to face him, you sat on the edge of the bed. “I don’t know what my other boyfriend is -” He climbed in on he other side and then reached for you, pulling you down beside him. “Yes, I’ll go to dinner with you.” You replied through a laugh, rolling on your side to face him as he pulled he spare comforter over both of you. “Where?”

“Don’t care.” He inched closer, mouth trailing over your cheek and then landing against yours. “You pick.” I always get to pick. “Hey.” He said your name, following it up with a sigh. “I’m sorry about earlier.” Daniel closed his eyes. “With the game, I mean. It was -”

“Why are you apologizing?” You used two fingertips to push hair away from his forehead. “Your team was losing by a lot. You’re not used to that, and you’re competitive. Half of the people at that party were upset, too.” 

“But it’s just a game.” He shrugged, his hand sliding down your body and settling against your hip. “And I’m a grown-ass man, and -”

“Debatable.” You winked at him, your hand moving to rest atop his cheek. “But honestly, Daniel? That one guy who works with Kyra was a hell of a lot more annoying about it than you were. I’ve never seen someone typing so hard on their phone before.”

“He lost like $500 on the game.” Daniel winced. “I talked to him in the kitchen about it.” That’ll do it. “Thought about suggesting that next time, he do something like we did last year and make a non-monetary bet, but I figured he’d deck me.” That made you snort, but you nodded in agreement. “Which reminds me. We didn’t bet anything this year either.”

“It took you until August to use your third freebie, Daniel.” You shifted on the mattress, lifting one foot and sliding it over his calf. “Not that I’m complaining, but …” His eyes widened as you brought it up, the tip of your tongue darting out to wet your lips. I definitely wasn’t complaining while we ditched work for a long weekend together for it. “If you wanted to make a bet, you should have said something.” 

“You would have won this year.” He pushed his hand beneath your shirt, the warmth of his palm comforting. “For the first time.” 

“No. That’s not true.” It was your turn to lean in, brushing the end of his nose with yours. “We both won that first year with the squares. Last year was a fluke.” He scoffed, turning his head enough that he could brush his lips against yours. “And this year? Yeah, I guess you’re right. It would have been a resounding win for me.” 

He rolled forward again, trapping you beneath the weight of his body as he kissed you. But you were both grinning when it ended, Daniel bracing himself with one hand so that he could look down at where you laid. “What would you have bet?” 

“A new jersey.” You answered immediately, arching a brow. “Because obviously your current one isn’t as lucky as you think it is. You could pick a number and personalize the name instead of wearing Mah-”

“Done.” He ducked down, kissing you again. “I’ll order it tomorrow.” Really? “You mentioned it last year and I just couldn’t do it, but now I feel like I’ve gotta.” 

“A fresh start for next season.” He nodded, a serious expression on his face despite the topic of conversation. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I’m pretty sure you promised me that you’d distract me when we got home.” I did. “And I don’t think that you meant talking about a new -”

“I definitely did not.” Your hand went to his waist, fingers sliding between his sweatpants and skin and then down, curving around him and urging his hips against yours. “The last thing I want to talk about right now is football.” He smirked at you, his lips twitching. “How’s that sound?” 

“Perfect.” He moved, positioning himself so that he could straddle one leg, and then Daniel sat up, pulling his shirt off and letting it fall onto the ground beside the bed. You stared up at him for a few seconds before reaching up to trail your fingers over the skin of his abdomen, thumb rubbing against the dark trail of hair there. “Hey.” He reached down, catching one of your hands and then bringing it up to kiss your knuckles.”I know you said no football, but …” Daniel wet his lips, eyes locked with yours. “I hope that we can make this  … and watching together?” You nodded, unsure of where he was going. “Hope we can make it tradition for a long time.” 

“Three years isn’t enough?” He didn’t start speaking until he’d leaned closer, his head shaking back and forth as he sought your lips out for another kiss. 

“Not even close.” 

—

[alpacaradio]

There really is no excuse. Taken with much generosity, its constant discussion of transmisandry is coming from a place of hurt - but as soon as it's talking about trans women, you can immediately tell that OP has never really understood one.

I've never met a trans woman who hasn't grappled deeply with the expectations of masculinity on her and indeed often that very thing led her to identify her own womanhood. I found my own way to recognizing who I am through grappling with the expectations on me and how uncomfortable I was with them!

It was a role that I always implicitly rejected and was uncomfortable with. This story is so common I think it more likely than not you've heard it if you know even a single trans woman. To know many and not be deeply familiar with it seems ... almost impossible. I can only conclude that the OP hasn't really listened.

And in all of this, "if transmascs need to sit for hours and unlearn transmisogyny, fine. but" but nothing at all, because you clearly haven't done the work to put anything after that sentence making demands of a community. You're talking about us like you've done the work to really know and understand trans women, and you've even appealed to multiple evil tranny behaviors, behaviors I've literally never seen from any trans woman, to the point where I think the problem is mostly you.

It is so easy to see that so much of what is in genderqueerdyke's response is specific issues with specific trans women being projected onto an entire community, including so many things which are obviously a consequence of simply not listening to or refusing to believe us.

Yes! I know sex workers, too! Yes, our bodies are constantly fetishized for our maleness even though we are not male. And yes, there are clients who seek out trans women specifically seeing us as men. We're surrounded by chasers. What I find surprising is not that a sex worker you knew had clients who told her they were attracted to her for her maleness, but that you refused to believe her, because I'd say it's more likely than not that any trans woman who's ever done sex work has been told that very thing. But you refuse to believe the things women have told you, and so you put doubt on that part of our experience too. You had to make our lived experience sound impossible, so that describing our experiences sounds like bigotry rather than fact.

I'm so annoyed I popped into second person, but I do not really want to talk to it at all. I don't want it to talk to me or anyone else; I want it to stop talking about trans women entirely until it can fucking believe even one of us and not talk over us and decide our experiences for us.

Any time someone says, "I need to unlearn X? Fine, but" your hackles should be raised. This is someone that really should not be trying to speak about the community of trans women.

I guess this is something the community has generally known about Equinox, but damn, this isn't a mistake or something you can just apologize for; this is evidence of an entire way of thinking that underlies every rant I've ever seen about transmisandry. How am I supposed to believe any differently when I've only ever seen it post through all of this and never really actually grapple with it? How are we supposed to get "solidarity" when solidarity means putting up with the abuse of being bombarded with this belief system the moment we let our guard down? the moment we're comfortable with ourselves? @genderqueerdykes is not someone who can truly be in community with me, and I think not someone to feel comfortable around as a trans woman. If I were its friend I would hold my cards damn close to my chest.

Pretend you didn't see that.

This is a level of transmisogyny that is somewhat hard to comment on because the things that one would normally point out as transmisogynistic implications are said so brazenly that there can be no pretense about any of the involved parties being unaware of it. The authors know, the readers know, everybody understands that this is pure transmisogyny. There is no plausible deniability.

It's an attempt to establish proximity between transfems and cis manhood in every way possible. Their bodies, their histories, their "socialization", the way they are treated by others, the way they treat and view others, their ways of thinking, even their self-conception. Every aspect of their being is cast as essentially male. Transfems are being called "men" in all but name - and not just any "men", they are made into embodiments of the worst aspects of hegemonic manhood. Not just male socialized but continuing to benefit from male socialization. Not just engaging in abusive behaviors stemming from male socialization but being afforded the freedom to do so because they continue to be treated as men. (Suffice it to say that this does not align with reality)

This is unadulterated sex-essentialism and it's intentionally being used to delegitimize and devalue the standpoint of transfems in feminist discourses. It's clear that the author is projecting transmisogynist ideas onto transfems and simply assumes that these ideas must be correct without considering any alternative. (The fact that transfems do not internalize "male socialization" has been reiterated many times over and should not have to be continually reasserted. This is a baseline level of understanding that we should be able to expect and demand from members of our community.)

Misogyny is framed as being contained within the realms of sexed bodies and gendered socialization in such a way that it allows for the casting of transfems as people enacting misogyny without being primary targets themselves - like cis men.

The claim that the animosity some transfems exhibit towards men comes from wanting to "prove" their womanhood serves the double purpose of casting their womanhood as inauthentic and denying the misogyny they suffer at the hands of men. One would be hard pressed to find a more cruel mischaracterization of transfems' experiences than this.

The cynical misappropriation of the standpoint of the people this screed is directed at by the use of "we" despite making it abundantly clear that the behavior that is being criticized and its supposed causes exempt people such as the author from the possibility of engaging in it should also be noted as an attempt at weaponizing a compromised version of standpoint epistemology against transfems.

The only plausible target audience for this kind of rhetoric are those who carry extreme ressentiment towards transfems and are susceptible to softened formulations of TERF ideology. These are the same kinds of ideas that TERFs have tried to push into trans spaces numerous times, e.g. under names like "sex-conscious feminsim".

A formulaic "retreat" from this post consisting entirely of platitudes has been published after the author received backlash for it but nobody is under any obligation to accept it and they absolutely should not. A person who was very obviously attempting to promote TERF ideology in trans spaces and in the same stroke accused transfems of being uniquely prone to making false accusations is not trustworthy, even if that person backs down upon realizing that the reception is more uniformly negative than anticipated.

@genderqueerdykes @gateway-2000 is a transmisogynist, beyond a shadow of a doubt. Its entire worldview is permeated by transmisogynistic assumptions, ideas and biases at a fundamental level. It has straightforwardly expressed an understanding of transfems' interiorities, their experiences and their social positions that is so incorrect that one has to wonder how someone holding these views could have navigated trans communities for a considerable amount of time without encountering the many transfeminist rebuttals to all of its demagoguery. How could someone with even a passing level of familiarity with TERF ideology or "gender critical feminism" read and espouse these ideas without recognizing them? It's completely unthinkable. It's not unreasonable to assume that it simply misjudged the consensus within its audience as being sufficiently anti-transfeminist for ideas such as these to fall upon fertile ground and it is now going back to waiting until the time is ripe to reintroduce them and to expressing them in more subtle ways until then.

But you can't un-ring a bell.

We can and should assert boundaries against reactionaries engaging in obvious subversion such as this. Refusing to do so is a deleterious error in judgement. This is very far beyond the limits of what any trans community that wants to consider transfems a part of itself can be allowed to tolerate.

[violent-optimism]

Friendly reminder that when Heavy tells his sisters "some men from work are coming over", they get really excited because they think it's Spy and Sniper.

Spy and Sniper are canonically considered the hottest ones.

[opulence-is-decadence]

Does anyone else remember Ferngully? One of my core childhood memories is renting VHS and watching this film over and over again at age 4.

[starheirxero]

Like I don't think I can stress this enough. Jack is a deeply sad character!!! Jack was made to be a weapon, but he was immediately made obsolete because Solar didn't bother to fine-tune him! He immediately failed his only purpose because of forces outside his control!

And then that's not even getting into how everyone, minus Dazzle, kinda Moon, and only recently Solar even started seeing Jack as like. a person. and not a force of nature or some rambunctious little thing. Which is like ahaha very silly right!!! But then you think about how Jack told Solar and Nebula that he doesn't feel like he can be himself anywhere except inside his own head and it's like ohhhh that's a little fucked up actually!!!!

Jack has admitted he does this shit because he is just god-awfully bored!!! He craves something to do, he's a fighting bot with nothing to fight—no purpose to fulfill!!! So he just!!! Does shit!!!!! Do you hear me?!?!!!?? Jack is so funny until you think about him too long and then everything ties together and it makes me want to bawl!!!!!!!!

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

@zepskies

I'm going to be honest here, I think I broke myself with the angst as well 😅

Your AN also scares me a little because you know my hopeless romantic heart is fragile, but I trust you in whatever direction you decide to take this next!

Girl I got you, I'm exactly the same way 🥰. But oh my word it broke me to put Ben through this and it does get better... but there is so much bad before we get to better 😬 But thank you! It'll all be okay in the end... I hope.

I feel like Ben realizes that he scared her by the end, so he's gonna have to dig deep in order to work on himself if he wants to figure out how to be a man she can actually want to be with. 😅

Exactly! Ben is going to need to do some things that make him uncomfortable and do things for the reader that he hasn't done for anyone else in the past. But I also think that this story is going to be a bit more redemptive for him than the ones I've written in the past, especially because he's already at such a disadvantage with this particular reader. And he is going to have to try his hardest to win her.

But I also totally understand her side of things. She doesn't "know" him, but she's been essentially traumatized by everything she's seen of him in her dreams. He's a scary mofo. He's not a good guy, and honestly he doesn't deserve her love (right now, at least).

Yep, she is "essentially traumatized" by what Ben has done, but I completely get her too. I think that I would be terrified if I had to witness any of those things, and the fact that it comes from someone who is supposed to be the other half of her soul, it hurts even more. Yes! He is "a scary mofo" (🤣) and he is not a good man by any means. He's gonna have to earn her love by doing things that he probably would mock anyone else for and it is not going to be easy 😅

Also loved the detail of hearing each other's thoughts and feeling each other's emotions when they're in proximity. That's my favorite soulmate AU to read AND to write. 💕 I hope he got a good snapshot of how she felt before and after her instincts shifted to fear.

Thank you! In this soulmate AU, there are going to be a few ideas that are merged- I'm going to be using some of that "writer science" we talked about before 😉. I chose the telepathy and the emotions for that exact reason, I wanted Ben to feel her fear and hear her thoughts because of what it would do to him (I also hate myself for this reason 😭). He's had people be afraid of him before (and we all know he likes it), but he's never had someone like her afraid of him before, someone who is supposed to care about him and potentially love him. I thought that it would really kick start the internal reflection process that Ben needs to have if he's going to win this reader over.

I can't wait to see where you take this next! (But also scared of more angst. 😅🥲😂💓💓) Something tells me Ben isn't gonna be a happy camper.

There will be an (un)healthy amount of angst coming in the next chapters 💕 He is not going to be happy... he is going to be his loud, impatient, obnoxious self when he realizes that he's not going to get his way, and it will be heartbreaking 😭 But thank you so much for all your love and support on this project my dear friend 💗 I hope that the next part doesn't break your heart too much 😅

Chapter 3: But I Don't Want to Carry On Like Everything Is Fine

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!Reader, Reader POV

Summary: With a birthday printed on your wrist that happened over a hundred years ago, you always thought that you were cursed to never meet your soulmate. But when you finally meet the man that's supposed to be the other half of your soul, you wonder if the stars were wrong, and wonder how this man was meant for you. Reader is Hughie's sister, is not a supe, and is a Literature Professor that gets dragged into the middle of things. This fic takes place in an AU set loosely after Season 3 and does deviate from the plot of The Boys

Tropes: Soulmate AU, Little bit of Grumpy and Sunshine, Age Difference (Reader is in her 20s), Protective Ben/ Soldier Boy, Jealous Ben/Soldier Boy

Warnings: I'm gonna label this one 18+ because it's Soldier Boy and we all know he's a warning. Homophobic comments towards Hughie (It's Soldier Boy y'all), Self deprecating thoughts, ANGST, SADNESS, HEART RIPPING OUT OF CHEST (figuratively because it's what it felt like to write this), Fear? Mentions of past graphic death, Mentions of torture (SB in Russia), Cursing, Mentions of past abuse (verbal abuse and it's SB doing it to someone because… we ALL know), Mentions of drinking, Mentions of Sex, Mentions of Death, Loneliness, Longing, Basically the reader just wants to be loved, Reader wears glasses?, Soldier Boy might be a little OOC.

Word Count: 6.9K

Song Inspiration For Chapter: Love In The Dark By Adele (Title for chapter taken from this song)

Playlist For Series!✨

Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

A/N: I know this chapter is a long time coming, but thank you so much to everyone who has loved this series so far, and for encouraging me to come back to it. I hope y'all are strapped in for a ride, because this is when all the angst starts to unfold… But also… I might have changed up the Soulmate AU even more in a crazy more heartbreaking direction so, there's that too

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Guide:

Reader's thoughts are in italics and in first person.

Ben's thoughts in italics, bold, and blue!

Previously:

"I've been looking everywhere for you sweetheart." The man rumbles, the words vibrating against your fingertips where they rest against his muscular chest. He smiles at you and somewhere deep down you feel something break open that you thought was locked away long ago.

And as you stand there looking up at the man you thought you'd never see again, you feel a flicker of something that could grow into a blaze.

You stand there in the silence that follows the words of your soulmate, the rough vibration of his voice still trembling through your fingertips where they lay against his chest, as you stare up into his hypnotic green eyes. The sunlight that streams in from the windows at you back traces the hardened edges of his handsome face turning his dark hair a honeyed brown. A smile pulls at the end of his lips, crinkling his eyes, and bringing a softness to the rugged features that make your heart beat quicken.

He was the most beautiful man you’d ever seen and yet nothing what you’d expected. You briefly wonder if you were what he expected, but judging from the women you'd seen him with in his memories you weren't, given that you looked nothing like them.

The air around the both of you warms as electricity pops and crackles along your skin skittering against the flesh and bringing goosebumps in its wake. A wave of heat travels from where Ben's hand is gently cupping your chin in his calloused fingertips, that makes you feel like you're melting from the inside out.

Nothing else exists in the world except the two of you. There's no need to breathe, no need to see, and no need to speak, because all you know is your soulmate. You can feel the beating of his heart in your own chest, feel the thrum of electricity in his body along your nerve endings, and each breath he takes you can feel vibrate in your lungs.

You'd spent years feeling like a freak, lost, and out of place, but standing here with Ben so close that you can feel his breath on your face, makes you feel whole for the first time in your life.

He's still too far away.

A voice whispers in your ear and you long to close the distance between the two of you, to hold him tight and never let him go.

The date on your wrist sears hotter than it did the first day you met him burning through the foundation once again that you'd smeared across it to hide it  and the golden cord that wove through the air securing his heart to yours seconds ago grows so hot that it turns a blinding white. And just as you think you'll have to shut your eyes from the brilliant light, the cord squeezes your chest to tight it takes your breath away.

You inhale sharply as a flood of emotions comes washing over you that aren't your own, memories that you'd only seen in your dreams flash through your mind as if you lived them, and Ben's eyes widen as he feels the same thing. His heart beats in tandem with yours, the space between you growing to almost nothing as the cord yanks you so close that you can feel his breath on your lips and his hands fall to your hips to steady you against him, sending goosebumps prickling over your body with his touch.

You'd read about what it was like to meet your soulmate before and people had tried to tell you, but for everyone it was different and no one ever described as anything like this. Especially not happening a second time after they'd crossed paths.

This shouldn't be happening, we've already met.

But you know you're not imagining this, you know that your soul is singing to Ben's, calling out to his and both of them are twisting between the two of you, weaving you together, binding you as one.

The spark in the pit of your stomach you felt the moment Ben's eyes locked with yours has begun to flare again until it burns into a wild-fire, but it's not love you feel, not compassion, not relief, or love, it's fear.

It sobers you.

Its cold finger drags down your spine and seizes in your chest, wiping away whatever else you're feeling for the handsome man standing only millimeters from you.

The Ben's memories you re-lived in your dreams come roaring back like a lion over a kill, each one more horrific than the last.

You see your soulmate standing triumphantly over bodies burned beyond recognition, see him beating someone into submission his fists splattered with red, watch as he laughs at the torment of his younger teammates and then opens his mouth to say something so repulsive it makes your skin crawl, and you see the proud smirk when he knows he's won, when he knows that he can't be beaten and no one can stop him.

He had no remorse in any of those moments, no compassion, no regret, there was only the pride and arrogance that comes with his belief that he had bested whomever attempted to challenge him.

Nothing about him is gentle, caring, or kind and nothing about him is anything like you.

You who'd never been in a fight your entire life, you who tried your hardest to make sure that no one ever felt what it was like to be alone as you had for so many years, you who always put others first, and you who tried to always find something kind to say about someone else.

Everything about your soulmate and who he is terrifies you, chills you to your core and wipes away the sensations that skittered along your skin and buried themselves in your heart moments ago.

He can't be mine. Not someone like him. Please no, anyone but him.

Your soulmate's head tilts to the side and his eyebrows furrow with confusion, mouth twitching into a frown, and you realize that he can feel your fear, maybe even hear it in the quick pulse of your heart or maybe he could smell it.

You weren't sure how his powers worked, all you knew was that you'd seen what he'd done with them, you’d seen the kind of person he was, and you wanted no part of that even if it meant being alone.

You'd spent your entire life waiting for this moment and now you wish it never came.

The cord between you snaps, the sound like breaking glass, but the man's emotions still remain in your head. You feel his confusion, his apprehension, and underneath it all you feel something else, something vulnerable that flicks away in an instant.

You step back from him, allowing his hands fall from your waist, prepared to run, needing to put as much distance between the two of you, but his fingers closes hard on your wrist just over his birthdate, hard enough to bruise.

I have to get of here.

"Where are you going?" He asks, his voice gruff, the sound of water over rocks, smoothing the sharp edges, answering your thought with a question.

"Please let me go." You say, unable to catch your breath and tugging at where his hand tightens around your wrist.

The feeling of his skin pressed to yours is overwhelming, begging you to curve into him, to sink into the warmth of your soulmate and never resurface for air.

But you can't. The fear is there, rising in the back of your throat, clamping down hard and stopping the rush of oxygen to your brain.

You weren't like Butcher, you didn’t hate supes, but you also weren't unrealistic or clueless about them. You didn't believe that all of them were bad, because with the bad came the good.

Your brother's soulmate Annie was proof of that, a supe that wasn't evil or callous or on a power trip to make others submit to her will. She cared for other people, used her powers to help others, but not all supes were like her.

Your brother had told you to stay away from supes like your soulmate, warned you about Homelander before he vanished, and warned you that not all supes were as they appeared. Although, Hughie had tried hard to keep his life separate from yours, Butcher believed you had a right to know that the supes who promised safety and freedom would be the first to take it away from you.

The stories Butcher had told you about Homelander kept you awake at night fearing for your brother and Annie’s safety, and your own. You knew that the new leader of the Seven, Stormfront, was just as bad, if not worse.

As much as you believed in the strength of your brother's soulmate, there was another part of you that knew she might not be a match for Stormfront, at least not on her own.

You yank your hand again trying to break his grip, but it doesn't move from Ben's grasp.

Why is she trying to leave?

Ben's voice in your head makes you hesitate, eyes widening as you look up into his face. You knew that Ben didn't say that out loud and yet you'd heard it. 

Holy shit, how can I hear his thoughts? Can he hear mine?

You weren't a supe and you didn't understand why you could hear his thoughts and feel his emotions, or why you hadn't been able to feel or hear them in the year since the two of you met.

What the fuck is going on? Ben's voice says louder in your head and you don't understand what the hell was going on. No one in history had ever been able to hear their soulmate's thoughts or their emotions, you knew that for a fact.

"Let me go!" You say louder.

All other sounds of whispered conversations and tinkling glasses have stopped as everyone in the room turns to stare at the two of you.

Your emotions were overwhelming, the part of you screaming to run away fighting with the urge to get closer to Ben.

His confusion floods into you as well as a slew of other emotions from him that you can’t put a name to. He doesn't understand why you're trying to get away from him and why he can feel your emotions either.

"But-" Ben begins to say.

You're my soulmate. His thought finishes in your head.

"Let her go." Hughie says appearing on your left.

The confused look in Ben's eyes shifts to annoyance, the green hardening within a second. "Fuck off. This isn't your problem." He snarls gaze flicking to your brother who looks closer to anger than you'd seen him in years.

Ben's anger and annoyance comes in a wave of heat, scorching up your arms and into your chest, clawing against your ribcage.

What the hell is happening?

"Oi let her go mate." Butcher's voice joins Hughie's and you can feel the presence of the other man hovering just over your shoulder.

Truthfully you liked Butcher. You thought he was funny and that he cared more about other people more than he was willing to let on. Not to mention after he lost his Soulmate, Becca, Butcher didn't have much to do, so you’d invite him over for movie nights with Annie and Hughie so you didn't feel like the awkward fourth wheel. Butcher was as much your friend as he was Hughie's.

I didn't fucking ask to butt in you British cunt. Ben's thought burns through your body with a wave of his anger and you can feel the heat of his skin raise.

Another shiver of fear courses down your spine at the thought of Ben losing control and burning you alive just as he had done to his teammates.

Ben's eyes drop back to yours when you whimper in pain, trying to free your wrist from his grasp, and this time Ben releases you.

The warmth you felt from touching his skin is gone, leaving only a dull throb in your wrist as you clutch it to your chest, eyes wide with fear and horror.

Ben's eyes drag down your body to your wrist and you can feel a flicker of something that might be guilt, but you're not sure if he can feel things like that. All you know is that you have to get away from him.

Why is she afraid of me?

Ben's thoughts are back, vibrating through your skull and bringing a wave of emotion with it that's not yours. You back away from him, but Ben takes a step forward to fill the space you left behind reaching for you again.

"Don't touch me." You whisper, throat thick. You couldn't tell what were his emotions and what were yours colliding in your head, all you knew was that you didn't want him anywhere near you.

Stay away from me! You think taking another step back. Ben tilts his head to the side in confusion.

He takes another step towards you still not comprehending what is happening, frustration and confusion burning through the air between the two of you.

You'd seen the short temper your soulmate had, saw what happened to people on the wrong side of it, and you cringe away from him in fear. You didn't want to be on the receiving end of his fist or whatever the hell he had locked away in his chest.

Please don’t hurt me.

The thought comes before you can stop it and you watch something flash in Ben’s eyes that looks surprisingly like hurt.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Ben says, eyebrows furrowing together. “I’m your soulmate, I’d never hurt you.”

It confirms what you already know, that Ben can hear your thoughts just as you can hear his.

You back up into Butcher's chest and he drops his hands down on your shoulders to make you feel better.

Get your fucking hands off of her. She's mine!

Ben's voice roars in your head. The wave of jealousy and rage that you feel rip through your body at the feeling of Butcher's touch scorches against your insides.

"You should go." Hughie says calmly, but you can hear an edge to his voice.

"I'm not going fucking anywhere you overgrown glory hole!" Ben snaps, eyes flashing in the light of the sun behind you, the soft green long gone, but falling on you once more.

Why is she acting like she's not my soulmate? Like she doesn't want me?

Ben's voice asks in your head, the words snagging in something deep down that you thought you locked away years ago, the empty place inside that you longed for someone to fill, the empty place you knew that this man was supposed to belong.

No. No. No. Why is this happening to me?

"Hey, you don’t get to fucking speak to him like that in our house!" Annie shouts back at Ben, her eyes narrowed at the man who was at least two heads taller than she was.

It was all too much. You couldn't be here, not with all these people watching you. You move out of Butcher's grip and around Ben as close as you dare, trying to get to the front door and away from him. You could feel everyone's eyes on you and hear their silent judgement.

It reminded you too much of your childhood, the one you spent wishing that the whispers and odd looks would stop, the one when people would cross to the other side of the road like you had something contagious, the one where you felt so alone that you couldn't standing it and when you wished that someone, anyone, would fill the hole you felt inside for far too long. The same hole that you couldn't feel when Ben was touching you.

"Wait-" Ben begins to say, voice gruff, while trying again to grab you, but you dodge his hand and run full speed at the front door of the apartment.

Come back.

There's something behind those words that grates against your heart, but you don't turn around.

Hughie and Annie shout your name, but you're already gone. You can’t be here, not now, not with him standing there, not when he's everything you'd thought you'd never have and yet, everything that you fear.

Your footsteps pound against the cracked pavement, the world around you a soundless blur with every pump of your arms. Rain swats against your skin as you run, each slap of your bare feet against cracked pavement mirroring the thunder that shakes the buildings around you.

You'd lost your shoes the minute you broke into a run outside Hughie and Annie's apartment, and you were too afraid to go back for them.

Water trickles down your spine, bringing the chill of the rain with it, but you can’t feel it, the only thing you feel is the flood of emotions you'd had since the moment you ran into your soulmate again, the one who left you on the street one year ago like you meant nothing to him. 

Funny, when that happened you thought that was the worst of it, but it wasn't.

What did I do to deserve this?

Flashes of your soulmate's memory echo the lightning above, the horrors you witnessed in the sweet abyss of sleep that haunted your mind. Bloody fists, blackened bodies, harsh laughter, and clips of dialogue play through your mind on a sickening loop.

You ran as if you thought you could leave it all behind, as if you could leave him behind, but he was everywhere. He was in the faces of the people in the crowds, in the sound of the thunder, in the thrum of your blood through your veins, in each beat of your heart, and in each breath you took.

The look he had on his face when you fled was there, bringing a wave of guilt for leaving him behind the way that he left you one year ago.

But he left me before he knew me. I know him. I've seen what he's done. I-

The thought brings the memory of the hurt that flashed through Ben's eyes at the apartment back into your head.

In all the memories you'd seen of him, you'd never seen him look hurt, but it was there somewhere, slipping through whatever warped telepathy the two of you had, the telepathy you didn't understand.

How could someone you waited for your whole life fill you with such dread? How could the man who was the other half of your soul, be anything like the man you met?

In the past you'd tried to imagine who it would be, what your soulmate would look like, how he'd treat you, and what kind of man he'd be. You'd seen a faceless man holding sunflowers out to you, a man holding you while you cried, a man sitting with you curled on the couch while you read through one of your favorite books with your head leaning on his shoulder, a man taking you to bed while your fingers clasped his above your head and the soft sound of his voice telling you how much he loved you, a man who touched you reverently, as if you were something to be worshipped, a man who made you feel safe and who would listen when you talked to him, a man who remembered the little things, a man who took care of you, and a man who sat with you while you graded papers and sighed to yourself at the end of a day that seemed endless.

Now it all seemed like a big lie, because your soulmate could never be that man. You'd seen exactly who and what he was.

The idea that you were cursed seemed to fit now, because there had to be something or someone above laughing at your expense, making you suffer all the years you were alone dreaming of a man who could be those things for you only to give you the one man who could be none of them.

Annie and Hughie were perfect in every way. All the little things that made each of them unique molded together to create something beautiful. They loved each other in a way that made your chest hurt to look at them.

You'd wanted that so badly for so long.

And now the stars laughed at you because they'd given you him.

You didn't think it would be possible for you to ever love someone like him. Someone who took from others and gave none in return, someone who found joy in the submission of others, and someone who hurt and killed with no remorse.

Monsters did that, men who thought the world owed them something or rather that the world should submit to them, men who took and took and never once cared what it did to the people around them, and men who never saw anyone else as an equal.

In the past you'd thought that your soulmate of all people would see you as something more than just a possession, but rather something that strengthened him, made him stronger with your love and care, made him a better man, and a man who saw you as someone, not something.

People clear out of your way, parting to watch what they must believe is a woman driven mad, running shoeless, down the streets of NYC in the middle of a torrential downpour.

And maybe you were crazy to run from someone who looked like your soulmate did.

There was no denying that he was gorgeous. He looked like he stepped right out of a book, the dashing dark-hared brooding hero with sharp features and green eyes you wished to lose yourself in. Your soulmate looked like every lead male character you'd imagined and fallen in love with in every book you ever read. The novels you read when everything in the real world was disappointing and bleak, the ones that opened their pages and welcomed you home, promised an escape from the mediocre and enveloped you in the extraordinary.

He looked like everything you ever wanted. Something taken from your unconscious and made real.

Why me?

The fear was back, the cold trickle that became a roar blocking out the little voice inside your head that scolded you and told you to turn around and go back to him, that you needed him, the little voice that told you he was yours, that he was made for you, just as you were made for him. The voice that promised after years of being alone and filled with a cold, empty feeling, all you had to do was turn around and run back to the sun.

But you can't go back, because you're not sure if your soulmate is even human anymore.

In the past your bathtub had been a place of solace where you could have a nice glass of wine and lose yourself in a good book, but today the warm water did little to sooth the anxiety prickling on the back of your neck.

There was a Rosemary Mint candle lit on the small counter next to the sink sending a flickering yellow light over the worn subway tiles in your bathroom. One of two candles Annie had gifted you for Christmas in a handmade basket full of things to pamper yourself and a candle that was supposedly good for "stress relief" but you were prepared to call bullshit on that given the state of your nerves.

The plush white bathrobe hanging on the back of your bathroom door, the jar of soothing lavender bath salts nestled into the elbow of your tub, and the face masks scattered on the bathroom counter also came from the same basket.

All of which served as another reminder of how perfect she was for your thoughtful and caring brother.

The thought brings a wave of sadness over you and you lean your head into your knees.

None of this was helping.

You couldn't remember coming home, didn't remember running up the creaky stairs to your floor, didn’t remember passing by Mrs. Charleson's apartment with the happily painted yellow door, didn't remember unlocking the five locks on your apartment door, and certainly didn't remember slipping into the warm bath you found yourself in.

The only thing you could remember was meeting your soulmate, feeling the warmth of his caress over your skin, hearing the smooth rumble of his voice like distant thunder, and seeing how the memories you'd seen did not do justice to the handsome and rugged features he had.

A shiver of fear follows and your tighten your arms around your knees.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. He was supposed to be different.

You think to yourself as your eyes drift to the hand print on your wrist, the one that had already begun to turn an ugly blue and ironically was curved over the birthdate that glowed gold in the flickering light.

Why him?

A wave of guilt comes swiftly when you think of the way he looked at you when you thought that in front of him.

How could he hear my thoughts? How could I hear his thoughts and feel his emotions?

There were so many things about the soulmate bond the two of you had that made no sense. You knew for a fact that no one else could see their soulmates memories when they slept, but the ability to hear your soulmate's thoughts and feel his emotions? It was impossible. And unless someone had spiked your drink with compound V at the party, you still weren't a supe and had no idea what the hell was going on!

But you were thankful that you couldn't hear Ben's thoughts and emotions right now. You didn't know why that was and hoped it meant that it only happened when you were around him or hoped it meant that it would never happen again.

The memory of how you met Ben again sends a warm feeling from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. Another mystery… why it was like that to meet Ben the second time.

None of your friends ever told you that it was like that to run into your soulmate a second time.

Then again what other soulmate leaves you standing in the street alone?

The golden cord glows behind your eyelids, the cord that bound Ben's heart to yours for a few precious seconds, a moment that lasted forever. You'd never heard anyone talk about a golden cord before either. Annie said that when she met Hughie it felt like fireworks, but she never talked about feeling like she was bound to your brother or told you that it was anything like what you’d experienced with Ben.

What the hell is going on?

When you'd told Mrs. Charleson that you were dreaming Ben's memories she'd said that she'd heard a myth about it, that it meant the two of you were "meant to share more than one lifetime together," (whatever that meant), but she'd never mentioned anything about a cord that wove soulmates together. You would have gone to talk to her after the train wreck that happened at the party, but you knew that she was still at work.

Despite the fact that she had more than enough money to retire, your neighbor argued that people "who slowed down got old." She'd been running a successful apartment and house cleaning business for years, but about a year ago a man had hired her to clean his apartment and cook for him full time. He'd offered her so much money that your neighbor no longer needed to clean anyone else's home and was employed as his housekeeper.

You didn't know anything about him, didn't even know his name, but your neighbor said he was a kind young man who often reminded her of her son and was richer than a piece of french silk pie. You supposed he was a wall-street guy or the founder of some tech company, but you couldn’t believe the descriptions of his apartment she told you or the pictures you'd shown you.

It sounded and looked like a palace so far in the air it might as well be a castle in the sky, but you wanted to see it in person.

You did like your apartment, but it was too small even just for you. The thought of having a place where you could have a real desk, sunlight, consistent water pressure, a breathtaking view, and no super who only responded to twenty dollar bills and asked you for pictures of your feet daily sounded heavenly.

Not to mention it would be nice not to live somewhere with walls so thin you could hear your neighbors having obnoxiously loud sex at all hours of the night like bats. You had no idea how they ever got anything done with so little sleep.

And yeah, maybe Mrs. Charleson and you had made fun of the guy's decorating choices, but you figured that maybe he just needed someone to help him pick out furniture that was a little more comfortable to make his apartment seem less like a museum and more like a home. Mrs. Charleson had said he was single anyway, which meant that guy probably hadn't met his soulmate and when he did, they would help him out.

The front door of your apartment opens and fear momentarily spikes at the thought of it being your soulmate, that he'd somehow figured out where you lived, and he'd find you naked and vulnerable in the bathtub.

But then you hear your brother shout your name from your living room and a wave of relief crashes over you.

"I'm in the tub." You yell back.

Honestly, you didn't feel like talking to anyone, not after the day you had. You wanted to forget it happened, to go to bed and go to work tomorrow as if everything were normal and not as if your life was falling apart. It always felt like it was falling apart, but today was exceptionally heart breaking.

"Can you come out?" Hughie asks. You can hear him lean his head against the door of your small bathroom and you imagine his frown.

"I don't feel like talking right now." You reply pushing your face further into your knees.

"I brought tacos."

You hesitate for a second. Your brother and you had always been close. Sure there were those awkward sibling moments and a little bit of sibling rivalry and times when Hughie annoyed you to no end, but he was your best friend. It was him who encouraged you to become an English teacher despite the constant disapproval from your parents, him who loaned you enough money to get out from under their roof and start your own life, and him who always knew just the way to cheer you up… hence the tacos.

"And a blind date from Inky's Inspirations." He continues.

Damnit.

Inky's Inspirations was your favorite used book store. You had spent many a weekend curled up in one of the holey reading chairs with a worn paperback in your hand, letting the rest of the world fall away while you were lost in a book that whisked you away on ink and paper with gentle prose. The store had started doing "blind dates," wrapping up books in brown paper with descriptors like "Will melt your panties" or "Made me realize I have a bondage kink" or "Supernatural creature hunter vibes" or "In case you're curious about what the inside of the Loch Ness monster looked like."

That last one had been a supernatural romance that you still weren't sure if you liked it or not. It had been interesting...

But you were under the impression that no one could have too many books. The books scattered all over your apartment and stacked up so high they hit the ceiling were proof of that.

You sigh to yourself cursing your thoughtful brother. "Give me a second."

When you come out of your bathroom wearing your favorite soft t-shirt and sweatpants, your brother envelops you in a warm hug, and unfortunately undoes the little relaxation you felt when you took a bath and makes you begin to cry.

Worse was that a little part of you wished that it wasn't your brother but your soulmate who was here holding you, or rather the version of the soulmate you'd invented in your head, not the man you’d seen earlier.

It made all of this worse, that you were still so alone and sometimes you couldn’t understand how you could feel so alone with so many people in your life who cared about you. But you wanted him, wanted the other half of your soul to hold you close against him, to feel the warmth of his body curving around yours as he told you that everything was going to be okay.

It hurt more than you knew it would, especially now that you knew he existed.

Sobs shake through your body as you cling to your brother and rub your nose into the front of his shirt as everything from today washes over you all over again. Meeting your soulmate again after a year, having all those feeling and emotions roll through you, seeing flashes of his memories again, and running away from him as fast as you could.

You felt lost and yet there was a voice whispering in your ear that told you that the only place that you could be found was back with the man who held the other half of your soul.

"Shh. It's alright." Hughie soothes, rubbing his hand up and down your back. "It's okay."

It was the same thing that he used to tell you when you were younger and nothing made sense, when it felt like you were a freak because of the date printed on your wrist.  The same days when you'd ask yourself the ultimate question: would it be okay?

But now you knew the truth… it wouldn't be.

Because you'd hoped and prayed to meet your soulmate every day of your life, and now that you had, you wished that it never happened, because the man who grabbed you so hard it bruised your skin couldn't be the man you imagined falling in love with when you were a little girl.

"Are you okay?" Hughie asks you.

"No." You murmur pulling back to clean your tear smudged glasses.

Hughie was still wearing the light blue button down shirt from the party, and you feel a wave of guilt crash over you thinking that you ruined his and Annie's housewarming party.

Your brother presses his lips together. "I'm sorry-" He begins to say, but you interrupt.

"I'm the one who should be saying that."

"What? Why?"

"Well I ruined your party and-"

"Are you kidding? No you didn't! That asshole did-" Hughie frowns. "I don't know what he was thinking grabbing you like that."

You swallow the lump in the back of your throat remembering the grip Ben had on your arm.

"Did he hurt you?" Hughie picks up your hand to examine your wrist, frowning at the handprint. "What a dick!"

Your brother didn’t usually get angry, he was more of a suffer in silence kind of person who kept all their emotions a little more close to their chest, but he looks livid. "I swear the next time I see him I'm going to give him a piece of my mind. He shouldn’t have fucking grabbed you like that-"

The thought of your gentle brother yelling at Ben makes a lump of worry catch in the back of your throat. You didn't want Ben to hurt your brother, he was only person in your entire family that made you feel like you belonged.

"Hughie calm down, it's okay."

It wasn't and you both knew it.

"No it's not. He could have broken your arm!" He snaps.

"He didn't." You murmur.

But he could have.

Those words are like taking a bullet to the chest. You’d seen exactly what your soulmate was capable of and exactly how he acted when he didn’t get his way.

What did I do to deserve this?

"That doesn't matter! He didn't have a right to treat you like that. Like you're-"

"His." The word comes out before you can stop it. "But I kind of am." You shudder at the confession.

Even if you didn't want Ben in your life, it didn't change anything. He was still your soulmate. Every part of him was molded and shaped for you just as every part of yourself was molded and shaped for him.

Ben was yours, but you didn't want to be his.

Hughie shakes his head. "He might be your soulmate but you don't belong to him. You're not his property-"

"I know that but-" Your voice breaks under the weight of everything crashing back down over you. "How can he be my soulmate?"

Hughie whispers your name, but you keep talking. It was coming out of you, everything that you had pushed down, all the emotions you'd had as a child, because you didn't want to keep going like everything was fine, it wasn't.

It never had been.

"Why is he my soulmate? How are we anything alike? He's-" A memory of Ben ripping someone in half comes across your mind and it makes you feel nauseous.

"I mean I-" The tears were coming fast again now, hot against your cheeks. "I waited all these years, thought that he'd never exist, thought that I was going fucking crazy staring at this damn date on my wrist and after years of feeling like a freak I find out that the man I've been waiting for is him? How is any of this fair?"

"It's going to be-"

"Stop saying that!" You shout, hands clenched at your sides. "It's not Hughie! It's not going to be okay and I'm so sick of hearing you say it. Not everyone can be happy all the time and have a perfect soulmate. Some of us are fucking stuck with a barbarian who doesn't give a shit about anyone else and kills people for sport!"

Hughie recoils with your words and you feel guilty.

You didn’t mean to hurt his feelings and you knew that your brother was here to help you, but you were just so frustrated and confused over everything that had happened today. You had no idea what was going on and what any of this meant. It all made you feel helpless and you hated feeling like that.

"He's-" You squeeze your eyes shut as if it'll make the thoughts stop, but it doesn't. "He's nothing like me! He's-" The image of a body laying at Ben's feet comes flashing through your head with him standing triumphantly over it. "He's a monster."

You hadn't said it out loud until right now only thought it. The word seems harsh, but you didn't know what else to call a person who killed and hurt other people with no remorse. In all the memories that you’d relived of your soulmate that was the ingredient missing.

Remorse.

Regret.

Guilt.

Shame.

All were things that would have made you reconsider going back to Ben if he'd felt those things after killing or hurting someone, but you didn't feel a shred of any when you watched him tear people apart with his bare hands.

You wonder if it had something to do with being tortured in the lab all those years, if being put through that changed him, but you’d seen memories of him acting just as terrible years before that happened.

"Someone like him isn't capable of feeling love! You can't do all the things he has with no remorse and still be capable of that." By now you were babbling, your voice barely recognizable from the sobs and shaky breaths you kept taking to stabilize yourself, but the truth was you were on the verge of a panic attack. Your eyes shift to your brother's concerned expression. "I'm sorry Hughie I-"

Hughie hugs you again, holding you so tight against him that it hurts. “You don’t have to be sorry. I know you’re frustrated. And I don't understand why he's your soulmate either. You have no idea what I’ve seen him do.“

“I don't know what to do.” You whisper into his shirt with a sniffle, still trying to calm the rapid breathing and beat of your heart, but nothing was working.

Because what the hell should you do?

You'd lived so long believing that you’d never meet your soulmate and even though the thought of being around him terrified you, there was another part of you that was begging you to go back to him.

The fantasy version of Ben manifests again, the one you'd imagined when you were a little girl dreaming of the day you'd get to meet the man who would complete you. Now those fantasies mocked you, every year you spent celebrating the birthday of your soulmate alone in the darkness of your apartment, every minute you spent trying to shrug off the taunts of the people in your hometown and your own parents when they saw the date on your wrist, and every second you spent hoping that it would happen to you while a little voice in your head told you it wasn't meant to be, that someone above cursed you to be alone forever.

All the hope you'd felt was a lie.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this and now that I’ve seen what he’s done I… I don't think I could ever love someone like him."

"No one is asking you to." Your brother says.

"I know that, but- He's still my soulmate."

I want to love him. A little voice deep inside said, it was the same one that was begging you to give Ben a chance, but you ignored it. You had seen the kind of man he was and you wanted no part of him in your life.

You take in a shaky breath and pull back from Hughie to examine the handprint shaped bruise on your wrist right over the golden birthdate that glows against your skin. "I'd rather be alone than be with him.”

The words hurt to admit to yourself, especially after all the years you’d spent wishing that you wouldn’t be alone and watching everyone else get the happy ending you so desperately wanted.

But none of that mattered now. Soulmate or not, everything about Ben scared you, and it didn't matter that the universe said he was yours, you knew in your heart that he couldn't be and that you'd never be able to love someone like him.

And miles away, on the other side of the bustling city that never sleeps, your soulmate sat on the end of his large bed in his empty apartment and looked down at his own wrist, tracing an ugly blue bruise that looked surprisingly like a handprint over your golden birthdate, and the first bruise he'd had in over eighty years.

A/N: Welp, I told y'all it was sad and oh my stars it broke my heart to do this to Ben. 😭 I'd like to say that the next chapter I have planned is less sad... but oh man I think it's worse 😅

As always thank you so much for reading! Reblogs, comments, and likes are not required, but are always welcome and appreciated! I really love hearing what y'all think. ❤️ If you'd liked to be added to the taglist for this series please let me know :)

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[tubbytarchia]

So I think my perception of Grian's reasoning for enabling the horrible Jimmy ecosystem and also my perception of his character as a whole has been turned on its head completely and I feel really bad for him after watching Kingdom of Valor and it's like bad roleplay but it's. it's done things to me and I've never ever felt this much for Grian not even in my sadboy Grian Desert Duo phase. I don't know what to do about this

SA word under cut

Episodes 6 and 10 (like the entirety of it) for context. :( . :(. But like major warning if you watch those episodes, especially 10, because um they didn't use any disclaimers

[lorephobic]

literally nobody asked for it, but here's my list of saltburn essays that i've slowly been drafting over the course of the last week which WILL be required reading for anybody trying to engage with me about this movie. my very personal saltburn 101 syllabus just dropped

A Wolf in Deer's Clothing: Saltburn's Attempt at Innocence

an examination of party costumes and our character's last attempts to masquerade as something they're not: felix—an angel, all-forgiving and all-knowing, something to be worshiped; and oliver—a prey animal, prey to class-divide, prey to saltburn, prey to felix.

thoughts about oliver specifically are loosely organized in my #bambi tag

A Midsummer Night's Mare: Farleigh Start as the Ultimate Victim of Saltburn

a farleigh character study, about the ways he was mistreated and manipulated at saltburn, about fighting to stay alive and the scars left behind by knowing when to give in

alternatively titled "QuickStart", may be adapted into a conclusive essay specifically focusing on oliver and farleigh's relationship

The Eye of the Beholder: On Saltburn's Voyeurism & Violence [working title]

how wealth and class pushes the catton's toward the volatile reality of being able to look, but not touch. on desire and the lack thereof, and portraying yourself as an object to be desired

may end up as two separate essays on wealth and aestheticism but i'm pushing toward a conclusive essay about the intersection of the two, which i feel is at the heart of saltburn

alternatively titled "Poor Man's Pudding: A Melvillian Approach to Saltburn's Class", again, may be adapted into it's own essay

Gender-Fluid: A Study in Sexuality and Saltburn's Desire to be Dry

a deep dive into the bodily fluids of saltburn and how oliver upsets the standard of men who are just so lovely and dry. on the creative choice to lean into the messy wetness of sex and desire and the audience's instinct toward repulsion

a celebration of the grotesque and an examination of why we would label it as such

least developed of the four, heavily inspired by @charnelpit's lovely post about the fluids in saltburn

if anybody is actually interested in any of these, i can work toward something closer to a finished piece instead of just bullet points and quotes in a google doc, but mostly this is so i can share my very brief takes on a multitude of themes in saltburn that have been haunting me

edit for people seeing this in the future: all posts about my essays are being organized into my #saltburn 101 tag if you’re interested in following these through to development!

[writeraid]

Rewatching Moon Knight tonight because comfort show + icky gross cold brain and mentally preparing for Thanksgiving socialization, and I'm relatively confident the clothes Steven wears to the steakhouse is the same outfit Marc had on for his mother's Shiva???

[thefabelmans2022]

did you ever notice how merry doesn't actually volunteer for the quest? pippin is the one who assumes he and merry will go, gandalf vouches for them both, but merry doesn't say a word for the entire encounter. it's a stark difference from his insistence on going with frodo in the conspiracy chapter, and i think it's because he's totally lost his confidence. in the beginning, he's very confident and fully believes he'll be able to lead the group through the old forest to bree with no trouble, and then they all almost die twice basically immediately. notice that when they get to bree, he refuses to go to the prancing pony with the others, deciding instead to stay in their room alone? and then of course he gets attacked by nazgul, which definitely doesn't help matters. i think by the time they get to Rivendell, he no longer believes himself capable of helping frodo. he'll do it, obviously, if frodo or gandalf or elrond or pippin ask him to, but i think he's at a point where he no longer believes he'll be any good.

[relicsongmel]

Ok but like. Why did Franziska just so happen to have a copy of Juan Corrida's autograph conveniently addressed to a recipient named "Wendy" and why did she choose to throw it at Phoenix instead of just whipping him like she normally does

And is this "Wendy" actually Oldbag or not. Is the autograph even real. Was Franziska intentionally helping Phoenix in a roundabout way or was she just lashing out in a way that ended up helping him unbeknownst to her. None of this is ever explained and it simultaneously baffles and amuses me SO much

[carouselunique]

Is it true that there's no animosity between you and... you know, you know who. You never talk about her in any way. I guess I'm curious. You guys seemed like really close friends and then just weren't friends at all. And there was some stuff she said that seemed very targeted at you...

I don't know if she feels any animosity toward me or not any more. Our mutual friends have said she doesn't and I take them on their word in that regard, assuming that if they have an answer for me it's because they're aware how she feels. I wouldn't know and it's not my place to put words in her mouth.

I haven't spoken to her/about her in a long time and the only time she even crosses my mind is when people bring her up to me. As for me feeling any animosity? I'll admit my feelings on her these days are complicated and way too nuance-core for people who aren't my friends to hear about but I wouldn't call them animosity in any way. I inherently want people my friends care about to live well because I care about my friends, and anyone my friends care about by proxy and I still share friends with her. I would never wish ill on people my friends care about so animosity doesn't fit into that by definition. I'd say I'm hurt more than anything and even then I've worked through a lot of it with trusted friends who have helped me deal with my emotions in a healthy way.

(Besides, my own life struggles keep me from even being able to invest time into animosity. I have to expend that energy loving my family, doing my best to support them during our struggles. And I've never been a hateful person it isn't in me. I would rather play 'Hot To Go' by Chappell Roan and teach my dad how to do the hand gestures to help him strengthen his muscles again than focus on hating anyone...)

I try not to think about her because it hurts. I often think that people forget that I'm a real person outside of her sphere, and that I wouldn't want to talk about what happened because I truly did consider her a friend for a long time. And when someone I consider a friend appears to not regard me with care any more suddenly and I don't even have closure on that... well... it hurts... A lot. Of course I never talk about it.

And I'm not stupid, I have seen some stuff she's said that I've gathered was about me. I remind myself that she has a right to vent in her own spaces and I truly mean that... it's just a shame that her own spaces have people who then have taken these things to me to show me (after all, I wouldn't have even seen these things myself if not for third-party anons going 'this u?') saying it is my own fault because I was a terribly cruel friend or my own fault for not listening to warnings about her when I had the chance and that makes me a stupid gullible bitch. You lot haven't seen some of the awful shit about me from some of her more ravenous fans and haters I've seen over the years that I've had to let roll off my back in the fear it would bring backlash - not even to me, to her. I don't want to be the cause of any hatred going to anyone.

Also I'm just not going to ever talk about the details of our fallen friendship or our fallen relationship. That's private. She might be a public person to some extent but I never was, even if I do gain some measure of small fandom for my work one day I'm just private about personal matters especially raw ones. I almost deleted this ask entirely but Idk I never stated that it bothers me when people talk to me about her from my own mouth, so I guess that's what this ramble is.

If you send me anything about Lily Orchard it will not be addressed. I am not a part of her life not even through our mutual friends. I do not know or care what's going on with her public/personal life. I haven't kept up. I will never keep up. Don't treat me as an extension of the situation because I am not in the situation. In the most plainly stated sense of the word: Leave me the Hell alone. (...pretty please.)

All I've wanted this entire time was to be left alone to process everything in a healthy, peaceful way. I'm workin' on it.

[polniaczek]

i'm making a gifset for the scene where natalie says she's known jo for eight years and is just now realizing that jo is an emotional chicken and i gotta say that part alone has me wanting to do another fanvid. good luck babe fr

[justaboymadeofhoneyandglass]

every day I fight the elitist idiot voice inside of me that says if the education system was more strict and elitist and objectively humanly bad, I might not have gotten bullied so bad and my mental health might be better right now.

gotta stop that honestly I have to stop finding ways to place the blame for my trauma and the bullying that caused it on the economic and emotional issues that my bullies faced and rather on them as people, I have to start seeing the bullying I was subjected to as a personal failure of the people around me instead of a unavoidable failure of the people who raised my bullies.

[microwave-core]

Very appropriate day to remember this moment from three years ago