#I've never seen Oklahoma! for that matter

[airyairyaucontraire]

My nephew is just singing "The corn is as high as an elephant's eye" again and again and again while he builds Lego.

[thehealingsystem]

Hey, can we talk about the violence against queer natives for a second?

Nex Benedict was a 16 year old nonbinary student who was brutally murdered by three of their female classmates. Not only that, they were a Native American living on a Cherokee reservation, though not enrolled in the tribe, and their actual heritage is that of Choctaw.

Their death was not properly reported on until the blog post that genderkoolaid shared was made. Their nonbinary identity had remained unacknowledged, and it took even longer for their native one to be.

They were a victim of the rising anti-trans rhetoric spreading throughout places like the US. They were beaten in a bathroom after Oklahoma had banned trans people from restrooms, designating them to only use that of their assigned sex. Nex was attacked in the girls bathroom.

A native, two-sprit, nonbinary teenager. Whose identity and the actual circumstances behind the incident, a hate crime, wasn't even published beforehand. They died tragically, a death that could've been easily prevented.

Do you know how scary that is? I'm just like them. A native, two-spirit, nonbinary teenager. I have to keep on hearing stories of people my age, who live in the same country, who share my identity, getting murdered. Not even just murdered, but erased.

I know for an absolute fact that if I died tragically, who I am will not be remembered. My deadname will be on everything. I would not be counted in trans statistics, nonetheless statistics on transmascs. My identity would not be respected. My native heritage wouldn't matter. I didn't get to be enrolled. And Nex had supportive family and friends, people who stood up for them. Not all trans kids get to have that.

I've had to think about this before many times. From the other trans youth deaths I've seen. From nearly becoming one of them. When is it enough? Why do the people in power do nothing to stop kids like me from being killed? Why do they only want to make our lives worse?

I'm very lucky to live in a state that has not wavered on it's protections on LGBTQ+ residents. Though I am reminded often that that can easily change, if things keep going like this.

I could've easily been them. I can still easily be them. There are many other kids who can be them. Everyone should be doing more to protect trans youth, and protect queer natives. We're so often forgotten about. I'm part of small tribes, and tribes who barely even exist anymore. My elders desperately trying to keep it alive. Please do not erase us. I'm queer, I'm native. Nex Benedict should have been protected, youth like me should be protected. I wish the best for their family and I hope their memory is never forgotten.

[ofstoriesandstardust]

can't take the home out of oklahoma - ii. (k.c.)

a/n: we're soooo back! this is filled with banter and found family and all the sweet angst! also, it's come to my attention through a third rewatch that i've actually been wrong the whole time and kate's last name is in fact carter. if you catch any of my slip-ups, whoopsies! thank you to @cottagecori for letting me ramble about this one the phone for hours and to @sometimesanalice for listening to all the personal lore. i actually ended up having part iii written before i start part ii but now i think it needs a rewrite so that should be up in a few days. comments and reblog are always appreciated!

part i.

summary: You and Kate build a friendship until you stand on the precipice of something more.

warnings: swearing, alcohol, tornadoes, concussions, angst, kissing, scott is actually the villain

word count: 10.7k

Kate pushes the barn door open, a piece of toast in her other hand. 

You’ve got another cup of coffee in hand as you follow Kate inside. She stops as you take the place in. 

“This is where the magic happens?” You ask, taking it all in. The model town, the polymer tucked up at the top, extra equipment for the truck strewn about through the place. 

“Just about.” She answers. 

She hangs by the door, as you walk around, taking it all in. 

Towards the back, where some of Kate’s papers sit, are photos. There’s some of the Wranglers, some of her Mom. Others of her and Tyler, some with her and Javi. 

You nudge one of them aside, looking at one of the pictures tucked in the very corner. 

It’s a picture of an obviously much younger Kate and Javi with three others you don’t recognize. 

You think you should maybe be surprised that it’s clear Javi and Kate go back so far but in thinking about what you’ve seen from them, it feels like the signs were always there. 

There’s a comfortable ease they have with each other that can only come with so much time of knowing someone, the same one Boone has with Tyler. 

“You know, I owe Javi a lot.” Kate comments, coming to stand next to you.

“Yeah?”

She nods. “Without him, there wouldn’t be all of this. He brought Tyler and I together in a way. If he’d never convinced me to come back to Oklahoma-“ She breaks off, shrugging. 

“I get what you mean.” You say softly. 

“He’s my best friend. We’d do anything for each other I think. No matter how far apart we go, he’ll always be there. He’ll always be in my orbit.” 

“You guys complement each other in a lot of ways.” You say softly and she nods. 

It’s quiet again as you think of the conversation you’d caught on the stairs last night. 

Javi, telling Kate she should give you another chance. 

Kate, saying she doesn’t want to get hurt again.

You want to ask about these three people you don’t recognize but you know well enough that Kate probably wouldn’t tell you, would probably get annoyed at you for not having the wherewithal to not ask. 

A knock against the wooden door of the barn pulls both your attention. It’s Javi, standing tentatively at the doors. 

“Owens says we’re gonna leave in about an hour, so to be ready by then.” You nod, going to step away and Kate gestures her head, beckoning Javi in. 

You wait as Javi walks over. “Just showing her all the grant stuff.” Kate says, gesturing to the messy table next to you. There’s a white board hung on the wall, grant and sponsor deadlines in a sprawling handwriting that screams Boone. 

“That’s right, we’ve got the deadline for the proposal to talk to the governor and the senators this Friday.” Javi says, picking up a binder. “Good thing California’s got the experience writing proposals.”

“Really?” Kate asks. 

You shrug. “Nothing too impressive, just research proposals. I haven’t written many as I’ve read them — comes with the territory of working in a Writing Center for four years.” 

“The hell’s a Writing Center?” Javi asks, flipping through the binders, presumably to figure out what they should take on the road with them. 

“Place to help students with their writing on college campuses. I spent two years one in my undergrad and then both years of my Masters.”

“You’ve got a Masters?” Kate asks. 

“Yeah but not in anything useful.” You say with a shrug. 

Kate clicks her tongue. “That’s okay. I don’t even think Javi knows how to spell the word conference, so we could use all the help we can get.” 

“Hey now!” Javi defends, snapping the binder shut. “I was in the same PhD program as you!” 

-

“Agh!” Kate shouts. 

You shut the door, hand flying up to cover your eyes. 

“Sorry!” You shout. “I thought you were still in the bathroom!”

You cringe, thinking of the scar running down’s Kate thigh you gotten sight of. You think of the picture tucked into the corner of the barn, the one with three people not around. 

Kate opens the door and you spin around. She rubs her cheeks, a dusty pink covering them. “Sorry.” She says. “You just scared me.” 

You shrug. “No, it was my fault.” 

You two both stand there like in the doorway, awkwardly looking at each other until you hear heavy footsteps. You both look down to see Tyler standing at the bottom of the staircase, hands on his hips. “We’re waiting on the both of you.” He says matter-of-factly. “Hurry up. I’ll leave you here.”

He turns on his heel and you can hear the front door shut behind him. 

“He will.” Kate says. “Leave us here. So we should probably-“ 

You nod, ducking into Kate’s room to grab your bag. She waits for you and then you both walk down the stairs, Kate shouting goodbye to her Mom as she does. Cathy meets her daughter at the door and you slip out, trying to not let your heart twinge at the sight of the obvious love and care Cathy has for Kate. 

Tyler tells you you’ll be riding with Lilly and you nod, climbing into the passenger seat of her van as Lilly whoops, shouting something to Javi about finally not having hot cheeto dust all over her radio and dashboard. 

Kate leaves the house a few minutes later and your eyes meet through the windshield. She gives you a tight smile and a small wave before climbing into the passenger seat of Tyler’s truck. 

“You okay?” Lilly asks and you startle, not having realized she had opened the door. 

“Fine.” You respond. She studies you for a minute before turning the key. 

“Let’s go chase some twisters then baby!”

-

You shoot up with a gasp, feeling the sweat drip down your back as your breath comes out in short pants. Tears sting at your eyes as you take in the darkened space. 

The Oklahoma rose nightlight sits in the corner, the grey cotton sheets beneath you familiar. 

Okay. Okay. You were in Kate’s room. You were okay. You were safe here. 

You press your palms into your eyes, trying to push back the tears as someone shifts next to you on the bed. 

“Are you okay?” She asks softly and you have to bite back a whimper at the humiliating knowledge that you’d gone and woken her up. 

“Fine.” You say, pulling your hands away from your eyes. She reaches over to her side of the bed, flicking her lamp on. “You don’t have to do that.” You say quietly. “I’m sorry for waking you. You can go back to sleep.” 

Kate shakes her head but doesn’t say anything as she moves to have her back be supported by her headboard. Finally, you sigh, moving to match her position as she waits. 

“You know, I used to get them all the time too.” She says, her twang a bit more prominent at this point of night. “The nightmares.”

“How do you deal with them?” You ask quietly, chancing a glance at her. 

She sighs, shaking her head. “I don’t know that I used to deal with them per se. When I first moved to New York after it happened, I used to stay up for days at a time until I was so tired I wouldn’t dream. Some nights I’d have to spend hours reminding myself what was and wasn’t real. They’ve only gotten better since I’ve started to deal with what happened head on.”

You want to ask her what it is exactly that happened, an incident everyone but you seems to know, but you can’t bring yourself to dare to ask. She must know the questions you have though because she keeps talking. 

“I see you look at that picture of them.” She says quietly. “The one in the barn. I’ve been waiting for you to ask.” 

“I didn’t think I should.” You say quietly. 

“Well, I don’t think I’ve ever made it clear you could.” She responds. “They were friends of Javi and I’s. That photo in there, it’s the last photo we ever took together. We were storm chasing that day; they were helping me with my dream.” She lets out a shaky breath. “The storm we ended up in was an EF-5, not the EF-1 we had been hoping for. We tried to hide under an overpass. Praveen was taken first, he never made it. Addy and I were trying to climb up when I got cut.” You think of the scar down Kate’s thigh, the one you’d only seen that one time on accident. “Addy got hit by debris right after. My boyfriend at the time, Jeb, he helped me get up, to cling to the metal piping. He was holding on to me until he wasn’t.” She swallows. “For years, I’d see them in my dreams. I’d wake up think Jeb was telling me we were going to be okay, that Addy was chasing one more storm with me, that Praveen was still there with his cautious concern. For years, I thought it was my fault.” 

“Kate, I’m so sorry.” You whisper. “I couldn’t- I couldn’t even imagine.” 

You think of Texas, of the horrors you’d seen there. And yet it almost can’t compare to the loss Kate’s lived through. 

“It’s why I’m glad you’re joining Javi and I in DC next month.” 

“How do you mean?”

She wraps her arms around herself, a tear trickling down her cheek. You resist the urge to reach out and wipe it off her face. 

“Praveen’s parents told me after the funeral that they could never be angry with me for what happened; that they knew their son had died doing what he loved. Praveen had gotten struck by lightening a few weeks before and I don’t know, I think they knew that those were the risks he was taking after he decided to keep going back out. Addy’s parents blamed me though. Said that I encouraged her recklessness, that Addy would’ve been safe if it hadn’t been for me.” She swallows. “But Jeb’s parents- they’ve got money, the degrees in science. They’re pretty prominent in the meteorology community but they’re not storm chasers in any form of the term. They didn’t just blame me for Jeb’s death, they blamed Javi.” Another tear drips down her face. “Javi never even got close to the storm. Jeb was dating me; he’s the one followed me into the storm. He never would’ve been there if it hadn’t been for me. But they put that stain on Javi’s name too, it’s why Javi had to fight so hard to get StormPar together, it’s why he had to bring Scott on. I’m terrified it’s gonna affect what we’re trying to do here too.” 

This time, you finally reach out for Kate. You take her hand, squeezing it. “Kate, you’re testing the unprecedented out here and it’s working. You’ve got the support of all the Wranglers, all their supporters. You’ve got this. You and Javi and Tyler - you guys are going to change the game, I’m sure of it. It doesn’t matter what they say, I see it every time you guys go out into the field and cause a storm to collapse. You’re going to change the world, I just know it.” 

She gives you a watery smile as you bite back the you don’t need me for that. 

“I hope DC is going to be good.”

“It’s going to be great.” 

She sniffs, taking her free hand to wipe at the nose. “Anyways, I didn’t mean to make it about me.”

“No, you didn’t-“

She cuts you off. “Just that if you ever want to share that stuff that’s haunting you, the stuff that keeps you up at night, I’d listen.” 

-

“You guys, I thought we had a no work at the dinner table rule.” Dani says. 

She shrugs, crowding over your phone with Javi. “Technically foods not here, so it’s not dinner time.” 

You’re inside with her Mom and Tyler and Dexter, getting ready to bring out all the food for dinner. Javi chuckles as they scroll through the outline you’d drawn up earlier in the day.  

Suddenly, your phone starts ringing with a call and her and Javi shoot back like they’ve been burned. 

She doesn’t recognize the name on your phone, but she knows you haven’t spoken of the life you’d left behind nor talked to anyone from that past. 

“What do we do?” She hisses.

“Kate, just decline it.” Lilly says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. 

It probably is, but it doesn’t save her from pressing the wrong button and answering the call. 

Her hands fly up to her mouth, looking around the table as they all fall silent. 

Hello? Hello? Are you there? 

She can hear a man say and she glances at Javi, wide-eyed, unsure of what to do. 

Sweetheart, can you hear me? Are you there? 

Javi’s hand darts out and ends the call. 

It feels like the table lets out a collective sigh of relief when the phone starts ringing again. 

Lilly reaches around Dani this time and ends the call. Javi picks up your phone again, going back to reading the outline. 

“Kate man, you’ve got all those fancy degrees and you’re telling me you don’t know how to decline a phone call?” Boone crows from the end of the table. 

“The question should really be are we going to say anything to her.” Dani says with a smirk on her face. 

“Oh please don’t.” She groans, letting her head fall into her palm. 

“Oh fuck.” Javi mutters from next to her and she steals a glance at the phone. “Kate can’t decline a call but apparently I can’t swipe away a voicemail notification either.” 

Out of her peripheral vision, she thinks Dani’s eyes flicker up over her head. 

“Hey guys, this feels like a real invasion of her privacy.” Lilly says and she’s right. Her Mom would wring her neck if she knew what her and Javi were reading right now but it’s like a bad car wreck they can’t look away from as the voicemail transcribes itself. 

“Hey guys, she’s coming back, I’d put it away.” Boone says, shifting closer to take the phone. 

“Okay, yeah, like put it away right now.” Dani says, scooping the phone up but it doesn’t make her forget what she’s seen and she knows Javi won’t either as they share an uneasy glance. “Here.” Dani says, offering you your phone as you slide the platter down in front of her and Javi. 

She swallows, chancing a glance at you as your confusion about the obvious fuss over the phone turns into a hard look, sliding the phone into your back pocket. 

You’re quiet through most of dinner as her and Javi keep looking at each other, both unable to participate in the conversation either. 

Hey, sweetheart, it’s me. It sounded like you picked up there for a minute but maybe it’s a fluke, I don’t know. 

I miss you, darling. I miss you so much. The last six weeks have been so hard without you and I just hope that you’re safe wherever it is you’ve gone. Your sister still calls me sometimes to ask where you’ve gone and I still listen to your favorite music hoping it’ll make you be there. 

I know you’ve said we’re done, that you didn’t want to be with me anymore, but if you ever want to come home, please let me know. I still love you baby, I always will you. You can come home whenever you’re ready.

-

“Man, California, what’s all this? It’s like an art project.” 

You look up at Javi from where you’re cutting out paper. 

“I’m getting the questions for tomorrow’s video ready.” You smack Javi’s hand that’s reaching out for the pile that has Boone’s name on it. “Stop it - you don’t get an advantage.” 

Javi hisses, retracting his hand as he glances at the kitchen. “And the cookies?” 

“I got drunk and made cookies. Kate’s Mom said I could.” You pause, looking up at him. “Well, the getting drunk was all me. But Cathy did say I could make cookies.” 

Javi chuckles. “Okay California, so what I’m hearing is I’ve got to catch up to you?” He asks, pulling another beer from the fridge. 

You shrug. “Sure, but you’ve got to help me pull the cookies out to cool.” 

He nods, sitting across from you at the table as he takes a draw from his beer. “So California, I gotta ask-“ You groan. “That voicemail.”

You sigh before reaching out for your own drink (a strong dirty Shirley Temple, Boone had teased you as you’d made them for you and Dani) and taking a long sip. “My ex.” 

“Sounded like you broke his heart.” 

“I probably did.” 

“Why?” 

You sigh again, looking over at your phone that had all the questions written down on it, the Sharpie squeaking against the cardstock you’d found shoved into one of the closets. 

“It just wasn’t working. The relationship wasn’t right anymore. It probably hadn’t been right for a while, maybe ever, but I wanted to make it work.” Javi waits for more information and you sigh, capping the pen. “He was in the Navy and-“

“C’mon California, don’t you know better than to date a military man? Coming from a former military man.”

You raise an eyebrow. “You? Actually, yeah, that tracks.” 

Javi chokes. “The fuck does that mean?” He says hotly but there’s no real malice behind his words, a wide grin on his face. 

You give an unimpressed look. “Do you really need me to explain it?” 

Javi laughs, shaking his head. “Nah, I get it.” 

You nod, uncapping the Sharpie again as you start on Kate’s questions. “Anyways, he was also eight years older than me.” 

Javi makes a noise through a laugh. “Hoohoo, so you mean to tell me you were the scandalously younger girlfriend?” 

“I wouldn’t say it was scandalous. I was 22 when we met.” 

“Making him 30. That’s pretty scandalous to me.” 

“We only went on two dates and then decided to be friends so by the time we did date I was almost 24 and he 32.”

“That’s still pretty scandalous.” 

You snort, setting Kate’s questions aside. “Yeah, well, my friends would agree with you there but honestly it never really phased me.” 

Javi takes another draw of his beer. “Yeah, cause you were being groomed.” 

The deathly look you give Javi sends him into a fit of laughter. 

“I was not!”

-

“What are you guys doing?” 

You look over at Kate and Tyler from where you’re laughing at the meme Javi’s showing you. You swallow the rest of your laughter, sliding off the kitchen counter like you’d been caught. 

“California and I got drunk. We’re bonding.” 

Tyler looks unimpressed as Kate steps into the kitchen, surveying the cookies. “Can I have one?” You nod. 

“Damn California.” Tyler whistles when he sees the amount of cookies sitting in Kate’s kitchen.

You give a nervous laugh, scrubbing your forehead with your wrist. “Yeah, I know. Its my Dad’s recipe — I always forget how much the recipe makes and I even halved it.” 

“So you disappeared from the barn to drunkenly make cookies?” Kate asks, not to you, but to Javi, and your face falls. 

Right.

Right, Javi had been in the barn with Dexter and Kate and Tyler to talk science stuff. You couldn’t find your place in the conversation with Boone and Lilly and Dani as they had s’mores, so you’d come inside to make cookies. 

Javi shrugs, a lopsided grin on his face as the alcohol paints his cheeks a rosy red. “Just trying to get to know our new team member, s’all.” 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to distract him.” 

Kate shrugs as she takes another bite. “Not like it’s hard.” She swallows. “He’s like a toddler — he gets distracted by food and shiny things.” 

“Hey now!” Javi says as you hear the front door open again. “Nah, California here was just telling me about her scandalous-“ Javi pauses as Boone and Lilly come through the kitchen, Dani behind them as they wait for him to finish his sentence. He must see something on your face cause he softens. “Nah California, that’ll just be between us.” 

You give him a tight smile before turning to Tyler as the newcomers realize there’s cookies. “Owens, what time are we leaving tomorrow?” 

“1. And we need to film that video for the YouTube channel, which is what I’m guessing this all is.” 

You nod as he gestures to the table with the stack of questions on it. 

“I hope Tyler loses again.” Lilly says and Tyler gives her a face in return. The group laughs at him, presumably thinking about after he had lost the game of Twisters last week, he’d had to feed Kate’s angry rooster Mr. Biscuits, who Tyler had, up until that point, thought was a dog.

“Hell no, I’m not doing that again.”

“Um,” You say as you pull the sleeves of your (Javi’s, though he doesn’t seem like he’s going to ask for it back at this point) pullover down your arms. “Can someone make sure the cookies get wrapped up? I think I’m gonna head to bed for the night.” 

“Wait, but we were gonna watch a movie!” Dani protests. 

You shrug. “Tired.” 

It’s a weak excuse as the energy shifts in the kitchen. 

Kate clears her throat. “I can. Make sure the cookies get put away.” 

You give Kate a small smile. “Thanks Kate.” 

“No problem.” 

You turn to leave the room, various calls of goodnight following you as you walk up towards the stairs. You sigh when you reach Kate’s room, shutting the door behind you. The sleeping bag you’d gotten had migrated its way inside as you always ended up falling asleep on Kate’s floor. 

She’d offered to share the bed again more times than you could count but ever since you’d awoken her from your nightmare, you’d elected to sleep on the floor in hopes to ride them out alone. 

You all but flop onto the floor, feeling your body protest as you do. As much as you dismissed the uncomfortable sleeping conditions to the group and especially to Kate, your body protested more than anything after sleeping on the wooden floors of Kate’s house. 

Your phone dings and your stomach drops as you look down at it.

Hope you’re safe wherever you are.

You swallow around a scream, seeing Jake’s name on your screen. Your fingers begin flying across your screen without your permission.

Jake gets blocked first, then Javy. Natasha and Bradley. Pete and Bob and Sophie, Elle and Sam following. Mickey and Julia and Reuben. 

Before you can even realize it, most of the people you knew who were wondering where you were now had been blocked. Maybe you should’ve done it before now, seeing as how desperate you were to leave those memories in Texas where they belonged. 

Angry tears sting at your eyes as you resist to throw your phone, deleting photos en masse. 

As you hear laughter from down the stairs, an ache settles in to your bones. 

Six weeks gone and it still sort of felt like you were always standing at the edge of this group, never quite able to find your place. They seemed to like you more now, Kate especially, but it still felt like the bonds they’ve woven together in the last year would always put you on the outs. 

A lot of the time it still felt like you’d never really run from the memories of Texas, your past life left behind. 

-

Kate says your name softly. “Are you awake?” 

You shift in the sleeping bag, turning to face her. “Kate?”

“I’m sorry.” She whispers. “Seeing that voicemail- that was wrong of us. We didn’t mean to.” 

You shrug, though you doubt she can see it. “Not your fault.” 

“I know you don’t want to talk about why you left but I- it sounded like he really cared about you.” 

“Caring about me doesn’t mean our relationship was right. Doesn’t mean I wasn’t unhappy for a while before I left.” 

Kate sighs. “I get what you mean. It just sounded like he really missed you.” 

You swallow, turning back over. “Yeah.” 

“I get that we can’t make you stay.” She whispers. “But I understand how someone could miss you that much. I think I’d miss you that much if you left.” 

Your tears are resurfacing but you can’t bring yourself to respond to Kate’s words. 

After a few minutes, when it becomes clear you’re not going to respond, Kate bids you a quiet goodnight and rolls back over. 

I think I’d miss you that much if you left. 

-

“Now, you might be wondering where our fearless leader Kate is today.” Boone says through the grainy feed of the live stream. 

“And her lovely sidekick Javi.” Lilly adds from her end. 

“Tyler, why don’t you tell the viewers at home where they are?” Boone prompts, facing the camera to Tyler. 

“Well folks, they’re in DC with our lovely social media manager to talk to the governor and Senators from a bunch of the states in Tornado Alley, particularly Oklahoma. They’ll be presenting the research we’ve been done out here in the last year in hopes of getting more state budgeting allocated to tornado research and relief.” Tyler informs the livestream and you grin as you type out a comment. 

Tyler wasn’t invited because he’s not smart enough. 

Boone lets out a bark of laughter, repeating the comment to Tyler. Tyler makes Boone gesture the camera over to him, getting real close as he drives. “I know where you sleep at night.”

Hello FBI, there’s been a threat made against my life. 

The group sets off into laughter as Boone struggles to relay the message to Tyler through his laughter. 

“What are you doing?” Kate asks, sitting down next to you, Javi across from you. 

“Causing chaos in the livestream chat.” You exit it, turning your phone off. “How come you guys aren’t eating?” 

“I think I’d throw up right about now.” Kate says, looking over to Javi, who does look much paler than normal. 

“You guys can’t seriously be nervous?” You ask around a mouthful of Cheerios. 

“You’re not?” Kate asks in disbelief.

You shrug. “I’m used to public speaking. Besides, I’ve been told I’m a pretty good presenter, if I do say so myself.” 

“Great, want to present all the data?” 

You blanch. “I wouldn’t be able to make heads or tails of that. All I gotta do is talk about Tyler and well, he makes that part pretty easy.”

-

“So, it’s like I was saying, when I backed out of StormPar, a lot of these guys came over because of Kate.” Javi says as he makes introductions of his team, the ones who’ve been out in the field, using the radars to collect the data from the tornados Kate and Tyler have collapsed. 

“Javi.” Someone says and the group turns. Javi’s face sours noticeably. 

“Scott.” Javi says with a grim face before turning to you. “This is Scott, my ex business partner.” 

His eyes gloss over you as they land on Kate. “See you’re still wasting your time with Carter here.” 

Javi’s eyebrows scrunch up but you put your hand out, stopping him. “Sorry, Simon, was it?” Javi snorts. 

“Scott.” 

“Right, Sonny. Sorry. I mean- do you like take pleasure in being an asshole? That’s not a very attractive personality trait.” 

“It worked for Owens, does it not?”

“Oh, Stephen, sweetie. The internet would never make thirst traps of you like they do him.” Javi has to cough in his fist to hide his laugh and Kate has a hint of a smile on her face. “Oh, I know! You must be jealous of Javi’s sauve charm or- no, it must be because you think Kate should be in the kitchen, cooking and cleaning right? Cause women can’t have degrees.” You snap your fingers. “That must be it.” 

Scott gives you a displeased smile, turning to Javi. “When did you two get a guard dog? Couldn’t face me on your own?” 

Javi introduces you. “She’s Tyler’s new social media manager, been out there giving us a hand.” 

Scott clicks his tongue. “Maybe she’d like to meet my new investors.” Scott turns, gesturing over a woman and man, and the sight of them must mean something to Javi and Kate as they both take a step back, their faces going pale. 

Scott introduces them to you with a smirk on his face. “She’s working for Javi and Kate, figured it might be good for you all to meet.” 

The woman, in particular, has strong displeasure written on her face. “So, you decide to follow these two into a tornado?” 

You give a half shrug. “Can’t seem to think of why the decisions of a stranger would matter all that much to you.” 

She raises an eyebrow, adjusting her purse. “I just think you should be careful.” 

“I think you should mind your own business.” You say sharply, catching sight of the aide opening the door for you guys down the hall. “If you’ll excuse us, we should be going.” You touch Javi and Kate’s arms, nudging them forward. 

“And when you die for them, will it be worth it?”

It’s the man this time. 

You turn. “Excuse me?” 

“When you die for Kate and Javi, for this- this- hypothetical they believe in, like the one our son died for, will it be worth it?” 

And suddenly it all makes sense. It all clicks into place.

Kate’s words come back to you, how Jeb’s parents who were meteorologists who had money, how Jeb’s parents blamed Javi and Kate for their son’s death. 

Javi says your name softly. “C’mon, they ain’t worth it.”

“Your son didn’t die for some hypothetical. He died for research that’s working.” You say sharply. Kate grabs your wrist, pulling you back. “Maybe you should watch the YouTube channel sometime. Sounds like you could stand to learn a thing or two.” 

The aide ushers you into the conference room after that. The presentation goes smoothly, no obvious signs of how much the encounter had rattled Javi or Kate, and it’s obvious that more than a few of them are impressed with what you had to tell them. 

Until Kate asks if anyone has any questions. 

“Ms. Carter, you’re from Salpulpa, Oklahoma, isn’t that correct?” The governor of South Dakota asks. 

Kate swallows. “Yeah. That’s right, I am.”

“And six years ago, you were caught in an EF-5, right? Working on this research with your business partner here?” 

She nods, hesitancy growing on both her and Javi. “That’s correct.”

“And this research, you were doing as part of your PhD? But there was a team of five, right? What happened to your three colleagues?” 

You frown as Kate glances at Javi. “They were killed, sir.” Javi answers for her. “In the EF-5.”

“Sorry, I just- Can I ask why that matters?” You interrupt.  

The governor shifts as the one of the senators from Oklahoma turns to him. “I’d like to know as well.” 

“Well, two of my constituents are directly connected to that incident, as their son Jeb was dating Ms. Carter at the time. And they’re raising a lot of concerns about this research you’re out here doing. I mean, how are you going to ask me to sacrifice more lives and money to your data that’s not even backed?” 

Kate seems stunned, Javi too. “Well, sir-“

“Sorry, what are you implying here?” You say, cutting Javi off. 

“I’m saying that this research is led by two people who have a known history of being responsible for the death of my constituents and I simply won’t put any more time forth on this.” The governor stands, snapping his folder shut. “We’re done here.”

“So you’re saying Kate and Javi are responsible and at fault for the deaths of three equally educated researchers who willingly chose, by no influence of Javi or Kate, to go in the storm that day six years ago? Because I think that is incredibly gross and inappropriate.” 

Javi reaches out for your arm. “Stop.” He whispers. “It’s fine, we can take it.” 

You shake your head. “No, no because you’re wrong. To insinuate that what we’re doing out there is anything less than helping the people these tornados target is wrong. We use the data from the radars Javi’s team sets up to understand how these tornados are collapsing and when we can’t get to a storm in time, we’re there, on the ground, giving out food and water and helping people dig through the rubble of their lives while you sit in your fancy office, removed from the everyday struggles of these people!” 

You finally breathe, taking a step back as you pray Javi and Kate can forgive you. 

“You’re new to this team, that’s right?” 

You nod. “Been here just under three months.” 

“And how did you find yourself here?” 

You shrug. “I’ve seen firsthand the destruction and death these tornadoes cause. I’ve seen what these people can do to help. All I’ve ever wanted is to make a difference. 

“And when you die, cutting your life short, for this research?” 

You glance at your friends. “Then I’ll die knowing I gave my life helping others to change the game. I’ll died knowing I did what I could to make a difference.”

-

Her and Javi sit in their hotel room, uneasy silence between them. 

They’d invited you to come with them but you’d seemed hesitant and had retreated to your room down the hall. 

“Can we talk about it?” Javi asks finally. 

“You ever think about that voicemail we saw?” 

Javi shrugs. “Not really, I guess.” He glances at her. “Do you?”

She shrugs, pulling her shorts down. “Sometimes. Just wonder what the hell she’s doing out here when she’s got people at home who seem to care about her that much.” 

Javi shrugs. “Whatever they did to force her to Oklahoma, that cut’s gotta run deep because oh boy, she seems to be loyal something fierce.” There’s a knock on the door and Javi slides off the bed. “That’ll be our room service!” He jogs to the door, getting the food and thanking the person. He shoves a fry in his mouth, moaning around it, before he talks again. “I mean, she had the balls to stand up to the governor of South Dakota for us.” She doesn’t say anything response, running her fingers over the starchy fabric beneath her. “Kate.” 

She glances up at him. “What?” 

“C’mon, talk to me. What’re you thinking?”

“I can’t ask someone else to sacrifice their life for this.” She says softly. 

Javi sighs, sitting back down on the bed. “That’s the thing I think you’re missing Kate. You’re not asking. She’s offering.”

“But why?” She croaks. “What is any of this worth to her?”

Javi shakes his head. “That’s the part I can’t quite figure out. I don’t know, Kate.” 

-

Your head meets the table as Cathy slides a plate down in front of you. “I need three naps and an IV full of Diet Coke.” You mumble and Dani laughs into her coffee from her seat next to you. 

“So, c’mon tell us about DC.” Boone says excitedly. “You said you’d say over breakfast.” 

You can hear Javi sigh from across the kitchen at the coffee pot. “It didn’t go well.” 

“What happened?” Lilly asks around a mouthful of food. “Javi stumble over his words or something?”

“Well, for starters, we saw Scott.” Javi says as you lift your head from the table. There’s various groans and boos from the group as Javi’s grins grows. “Yeah, but she was mean to him.” 

You snort. “Yeah, I said the internet would never make thirst traps of him and he must think women belong in the kitchen. Oh, and that he must be jealous of Javi’s charm.” 

“We also saw Jeb’s parents.” Kate softly, immediately sobering your friend’s laughter. Cathy frowns, reaching out for her daughter. 

“They’re Scott’s new investors.” Javi explains as Kate looks at you. 

“They asked her if dying for me like Jeb did would be worth it.” 

Tyler scoffs. “That’s bullshit. You told them that was bullshit right?” 

You sigh. “Them and the governor of South Dakota, whose pocket they’re in. Told him it’s was gross and inappropriate to ever say Kate and Javi were responsible for the deaths of their friends.” You sigh, standing up from the table. “Sides, I know my words won’t make any difference to men like him but they didn’t go into that storm for Kate. They did it with Kate. This was something they believed in and it’s something I believe in too.” You push your food towards Boone. “Here, you can have it, I need to go to bed.” 

-

She sighs and Javi tosses her an irritating look.  

“Alright Carter, cough it up. What’s bugging you?” 

She shrugs. “Nothing.” 

“Kate, do you really take me for an idiot?” She gives him a curious look. “Look, I see how you are with her. The looks you give her when you think none of us notice. The way you’re always trying to include her in conversation, the way you always want her to be around. What gives?” 

She scuffs her heel against the asphalt of the parking lot. “Do you think she’s got a thing for T?” 

Javi sighs, rubbing his hands together. “No, I don’t.” He nudges her. “I mean that genuinely. I ain’t just saying it cause I know it’s what you want to hear.”

They both look at where you’re sitting, crowded up into Tyler’s personal space. Tyler’s arm is resting on your head obnoxiously, a cross look on your face as you elbow Ty in the ribs. To an outsider’s perspective, she could see how someone would mistake you two for something more but she knew the truth. 

Tyler Owens saw you nothing more than the little sister he had never had and had always wanted. Tyler was protective of his team, it was a given, but with you he was different. There was an innate, inherent bond between the two of you different from everyone else. And if Kate had to guess, it stemmed from where your pasts intertwined, even if they didn’t know how. 

But maybe it would be better if you did have something with Tyler. 

“Better how?” 

She blinks, turning to look at Javi. “Didn’t realize I said that out loud.” 

Javi studies her for a minute before standing. “C’mon, I need to get a jacket, come with me.” She follows as Javi shouts that they’ll be right back to the group and she catches your curious look from across the fire. 

Only once the motel door of Javi and Boone’s bedroom is shut, Javi looks at her.  “Kate, what’s up?” 

She looks at her friend before sinking to sit down on the bed. “I didn’t- I didn’t think I could ever love someone again after Jeb.” Javi’s eyebrows raise. “Ty showed me it could be possible.” She swallows, feeling tears sting at her eyes. “But I can’t ask her to love me back and to die for it in return.” 

“Wait, Kate, hang on.” Javi says, raising his hand. “You’re- Are you saying you’re in love with her?” She nods slowly. “Kate, that’s- that’s amazing.” He breathes. 

“No, it’s not Javi!” She nearly shouts and he flinches back. “Tyler nearly died for it and I saved him from that fate. But Jeb died because I loved him and so will she!” 

Javi sighs, running a hand down his face before moving to sit next to her on the bed. He’s quiet for a minute as their knees knock together. 

“Kate, look at me.” She does only to meet with a flurry of emotions. Concern like she might be spooked by his next words, love and care woven into the proudness that’s written there. “Kate, just because- just because they died doesn’t mean that we don’t deserve to love afterwards. Just because Jeb died doesn’t mean you have to suffer and pay the price for that.”

“Their deaths are my sins, their blood is on my hands.” 

Javi shakes his head, taking her hands in his own. “No it ain’t. Would you say their blood is on my hands?” 

“Never.” 

“Then you need to understand that it isn’t on yours either. What happened was a terrible stroke of luck, maybe fate. I’d give anything to have them back with us, to have stopped it from ever happening. But we can’t go back, we can’t make our homes in the past. We’ll miss what’s right in front of us. And Kate, you deserve a love as soft as hers.”

She lets out a shaky breath, feeling her shoulders let some of the tension bleed out from them. For the first time, she doesn’t have the heart to argue with Javi, to tell him that he was wrong. She wasn’t sure she could when he looked so sure and absolute in his words. 

-

You watch as Kate and Javi walk up the steps when Boone reaches over and nudges you. 

“California, when are you gonna admit you got a thing for Kate?” 

Your eyes slide over to him, giving a cool look. “Whenever you admit to the thing you’ve got going with Javi.” 

The group lets out a bunch ohs and Tyler cackles. “She’s got you there Booney baby.” 

“It’s just stress relief!” 

You look back at Boone. “You know no one believes that right?” 

“Man, stop deflecting, I was asking about you and Kate first!” 

You roll your eyes as Dani breaks into silent laughter from across the fire, Lilly’s shoulders shaking as she works on the drone in her lap. 

Tyler climbs off the truck, moving to stand behind you. You glance up at him as he does. “C’mon though. Seriously, what is going on with you and Sapulpa?” 

“Nothing.”

Tyler sighs. “C’mon California, you really expect me to believe that little lie?” 

You shrug. “It’s not a lie. I’m not denying anything I feel for her but I’m pretty sure Kate doesn’t like me in that way. Most days, I don’t even think she likes me period.”

“She likes you.” Lilly protests. 

“Kate’s just a harder read because of…” Boone trails off, looking to Tyler. 

“Because of what happened to Jeb, I know.” You say softly. “She told me.” 

“I just wasn’t- We weren’t sure.” Dani says gently. 

“But you guys always said she was a certain way with T right?” 

Dani hums. “Yeah, but they aren’t exactly who I’d take as example from considering-“ She glances at Tyler. “Well, considering their fling lasted all of three weeks before they nearly killed each other.” 

“Tyler, anything to contribute here?” Lilly says after a minute and you look back up at him. He’s got his hands on his hips, an unreadable look on his face. 

“I don’t know that I should be encouraging any inter-company dating here. Team dynamics and all of that.” 

Your eyes grow wide as you almost rocket out of your chair before gesturing to Lilly and Dani, who only laugh. You then turn to Boone, gesturing a hand at him. “Really?!”  You nearly yell. “You’re so full of shit Owens!” 

Tyler sighs. “California, I just don’t want to see anyone get hurt. I mean, if I tell you something wrong and it turns out to be a misstep, and shit goes wrong and one of you leaves, it’d be a huge blow.” 

Dexter shakes his head, finally speaking up. “Kate’s not leaving.” 

You can see the silent I know on the edge of Tyler’s lips, the It would be you leaving written in his eyes. 

“Hey guys,” Dani calls. “We’re all still here.  Wanna include us in whatever silent conversation’s happening over there?”

“I don’t want to get involved.” Tyler says with a wave of his hand. “Y’all are both too important to me for me to get this wrong.” 

You sigh, settling back in your chair as you see Javi’s door re-open, Kate and Javi emerging. Boone sighs, patting the spot next to him and you move, falling into the space next to him. 

“Boone, anyone ever tell you you need to shower more?” You mutter as Tyler meets Javi and Kate halfway, probably to bid them goodnight. 

“I’ll take the shot if you do.” He whispers back. You glance at him as Javi and Kate return to their original seats across the campfire. Javi’s got a strange look on his face at the sight of you and Boone and Kate’s eyes are watery as Dexter hands her a few Oreos. 

“You first.” You mutter. 

Boone gives you a wolfish grin before sliding a marshmallow into his mouth. “I’ll think about it.”  

-

“Guys, look.” Dani calls, and you and Tyler turn, seeing her hold a small puppy. 

You coo, walking over to her as she holds the dog out to you. 

“Where’d you find this little cutie?” You say, holding the little baby up, scratching underneath his chin. 

“Heard him whining under a bunch of wreckage a few blocks over. One of the firefighters helped me pull him out. EMTs said the elderly couple who lived there didn’t make it. Probably couldn’t get to safety fast enough.” 

You feel Tyler’s body deflate next to you as he kicks at a piece of wood at the ground. 

“Ty?” You ask softly as the puppy nuzzles into your collarbone. You can’t read his face but it doesn’t seem like Dani can either as he scrubs at his forehead with his wrist. 

“Could we keep him?” You ask softly. “You heard Dani.”

“We’ll find a shelter for him.”

Dani shakes her head. “Shelter here got destroyed; there’d be nowhere for him to go.” 

You turn a pleading look onto Tyler, who has a storm brewing behind his eyes. 

“We can’t have a dog on the road you guys. A dog, chasing after tornadoes? Really? Let’s use our brains here. Besides, I think Boone’s allergic.” Tyler snaps, hands falling to his hips. 

Your pout grows as you hold the puppy up to your face. “But Tyler, little Enid wants to come with us. Don’t you Enid?”

“Enid?” Tyler asks with a raised eyebrow. 

“Well, we found him in Enid so we should name him Enid.”

“First of all, that dog is not an Enid.” Dani chokes down a laugh at Tyler’s snark as he shoots her a look. “And we are not adopting a dog.” 

“I think we should do a group vote.” You say, turning on your heel in search of the team. 

“You can’t override me!” Tyler calls after you.

“Watch me!”

You find Lilly and Dexter first, handing food out. “Group poll - should we keep this little puppy? His owners passed away. Dani and I vote for yes. Tyler votes no.” You can hear Tyler walking behind you so you drop your voice to an over-exaggerated whisper. “For the record, Tyler’s vote is wrong. Vote yes.”

“This is not a democracy!” Tyler shouts. 

“Man, just let the girl have her fucking dog!” Lilly shouts back. 

“What dog?” Kate says, appearing from the back of the van. Her face softens. “This is such a cute little puppy.” She coos, bending down to scratch at his ears. 

“I think we should keep him and name him Enid. Tyler disagrees.” You explain as Kate fawns over the puppy. 

“He seems like such a sweet little guy, and you’d have so much fun on the road with us, wouldn’t you little Enid?” She coos, taking the dog from you. 

“So that’s an enthusiastic yes from Ms. Kate Cooper.” You say, hands falling to your hips.

“Once again, this is not a democracy.” Tyler says sharply. 

“It’s an Owens-acracy.” Javi calls from down the street. “Meaning Tyler does whatever the hell he wants.” 

“Javi - Yes or no on keeping the puppy?” You shout back. 

“Aw hell yeah! Our little storm chasing dog! Our little data dog!” 

“We are not keeping the dog.” Tyler says firmly, impatience growing. 

“Is Boone allergic?” You ask Lilly, who snorts and nods. 

“Yeah but that man would die so happy covered in dogs. He loves ‘em. Had bloodhounds growing up.” 

“A dog can’t stay in most motels.” Tyler reminds the group. 

“As if he couldn’t be snuck in.” You counter. “Besides, you’re telling me that after a long day of storm chasing, you wouldn’t want to cuddle up with this little puppy here?” 

The look Tyler gives you is answer enough. 

“Somebody go find Boone and ask him if he wants to keep this dog.” 

“Aw hell yeah, we’re getting a dog?” Boone crows, walking up behind you. 

“Boone, you’re allergic.” Tyler deadpans.

“Man, I grew up hunting with bloodhounds, I’ve got like a natural resistance by this point!” 

Kate holds up the dog, smile wide. “Boone, this is little Enid.” 

Tyler sighs, turning on his heel. “We are not taking that dog and we are certainly not naming him Enid!”

“Famous last words.” Lilly mutters.

Tyler flips you all off as you break into laughter. 

-

“Man would you stop pouting, you’re ruining my vibe!” Javi exclaims, which only causes you to sink further down in your chair. 

“This is fucking stupid.” You mutter, kicking at the dirt as you do. 

“I’m not happy about this either.” Tyler says from across the fire pit, begrudgingly looking down at the dog on his chest. 

“I’m the whole reason Enid came with us and who does he want to spend time with? Oh, Tyler of course!  Smoke practically came out of his ears when he saw Enid in the truck! But nooooo, that’s who the dog wants to be with!” 

Boone’s chair creaks as he leans over. “You kinda sound a little crazy, talking to yourself like that.” 

You shoot him a glare that has him withering back in his chair. 

“I’d want a cat, I think.” Kate says thoughtfully from her seat next to you. 

“I hate cats.” You mutter, crossing your arms. “I want a dog.” 

Javi lets out a long sigh from next to you. “This is gonna get real old.”

-

You’ve been with the team for four and a half months when it happens. 

You’re in some small town, just past the border of Oklahoma into Kansas, when the second storm cell you had all been tracking touches down. 

“Hey guys.” You call, panic starting to creep into your voice. “That saying with lightning, how it never strikes the same place twice? Does that apply to tornadoes too?” 

Moments after you finish your sentence, the winds kicks up, the sirens blaring. 

It’s almost like you’re rooted to the spot, staring at the beast coming towards you as Lilly shouts from down the street to follow her to the shelter. 

“California!” Tyler shouts. “What are you doing?!” 

You sweep your gaze to him, spotting the truck as you. The unmoored truck. 

He catches what you’re looking at and he shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it, come on!” 

“I got it, I’m right behind you!” You shout, already darting towards the truck. 

You think Tyler curses but then he’s off down the street after the group. “Damn it, Boone.” You mutter, brushing the cookie crumbs off the console that are preventing you from getting to the switch. “The snacks have got to stop.”

Once the button has been pressed and you can hear the gears start, you throw the truck door open, sliding down to follow  Tyler. 

Except one minute you’re standing and the next, you’re on the ground, groaning. 

You blink your eyes open to see debris scattering down the street and realize it must’ve taken your feet out from under you. You push yourself up and realize you don’t know where Tyler went. Your head hurts from its collision with the ground and through the pain, you can feel yourself start to panic. You roll over catching sight of the truck locked into the ground. 

The truck. 

The truck probably wouldn’t fly. The truck had harnesses. The truck had protected Kate once. 

You crawl to the truck in hopes to avoid catching any wind, pulling yourself up and slamming the door as quickly as you can. You tug the harness on, debris hitting the car as the wind speeds pick up.

From the bed of the truck, you can hear Enid let out a bark, climbing over the arm console to curl up in your lap. He lets out a whimper, nuzzling closer to your stomach. 

“It’ll be okay, Enid.” You whisper, letting your eyes shut as your hands curl in the dog’s shaggy fur. You guys really needed to take him to a groomer. “We’ll be okay.”

-

She watches her friends filter into the shelter, panic clawing at her as everyone from the town passed through the doors with no sight of you. 

Javi’s pushes his way through the doors and he collides with her, her fingers clutching in his jacket. “Javi!” 

“She isn’t with me Kate.” He breathes out, backing her up from the doors. 

Her breaths coming in stuttering gasps as she clings to him. “Can’t be.” 

“Kate, she’s probably with T, they were together. They’re coming, don’t worry.” Boone tries to soothe and Javi confirms his words, rubbing his hands up and down her shoulders. 

Until Tyler appears through the doors, the last of the crowd. 

“Where is she?!” She’s frantic now, a sob growing as she sees Tyler round the corner. “Tyler, where is she, I thought she was with you!”

Tyler glances over his shoulder, where they’re shutting the doors. “She- She was just supposed to nail the truck down.” 

Kate’s moving towards the doors before she realizes it but she doesn’t get very far before someone’s arms are pulling on her jacket. 

“Kate!” Javi shouts. “Kate, we can’t help her now!” She looks at him, feeling her eyes sting as she looks at his defeated face.

“It’s just like last time.” She chokes out into a whisper. 

“I know.” He says softly. “I know, but there’s nothing you can do for her right now. We just need to wait.” 

The mere minutes it takes for the storm to pass drag on, the tears unabashedly slipping down her face. 

How could this happen again? 

It’s maybe only 15 minutes later she’s standing outside in the clearing Oklahoma sky but it’s felt like a lifetime has passed and when the street is empty, save for their truck at the very far end of the street, it feels like it’ll all drag on for a lifetime more. 

Her team is beside her but all she can do is wipe at her face, unable to stop the salty tears against her tongue. 

“Kate…” Tyler says gently and she whips around, near snarling at him. 

“This is your fault! You should’ve taken care of the truck, it never should’ve been her! She should’ve come with us, you never should’ve let her out of your sight!” 

Tyler swallows, eyes growing glassy. “You don’t mean that.” He chokes out. 

She doesn’t and she knows she doesn’t. 

But this loss stings. 

Lilly reaches out a cautious hand, and when Kate doesn’t push her away, Lilly pulls her into a hug. Dani joins, Boone not far behind. She thinks she can even feel Dexter join at the edge as the tears slips down her cheeks. She clings to Lilly, the girl running a hand up and down her back. 

And then Javi shouts out. 

-

You finally breathe, blinking your eyes open as you do. 

You wince, your head throbbing as you begin to take the harness off and-

You pull on the door handle, tripping out of the truck as you start throwing up onto the gravel road. 

Tears sting at your eyes, the small rocks digging into your palms as you empty your breakfast onto the ground. 

“Yo!” Someone shouts from a ways away, but all you can focus on is the throbbing in your temple. 

A hand is on your shoulder, gently pulling you up. You blink, wincing as Javi comes into focus. 

“Javi?” You breathe out, leaning into him as the sound of footsteps running towards you gets closer. “Think I- head. My head hurts. Concussion.” 

Javi doesn’t respond as another body collides with you. It feels like the wind has been knocked out of your lungs as the person trembles against you. “Thought you were gone. Thought I lost you.” Kate whispers. 

“Kate, you’re gonna get vomit all over you.” 

“Don’t care.” She whispers, still holding you. “I know you probably have a concussion, I’ll take you to the EMT’s please just- just let me hold you for a little longer.” 

You nod. Despite how tight she’s holding you and the throbbing behind your eyes, it feels like you can finally catch your breath as she does. 

“How’d you even think to hide out in there?” Lilly asks and you blink your eyes open, seeing the team standing before you. You don’t let Kate go.

“I truly was right behind you T.” You say, locking eyes with Tyler. He looks devastated, the relief of seeing you unable to loosen the tension in his shoulders. “But one minute I was standing and the next I was on the ground and you were gone. I think some debris knocked my feet out from under me and I sort of panicked. I remembered how it had kept Kate safe and it was the only place I could think of in time.” 

“You gave us all quite the scare.” Dexter says. “Glad to see you safe.” 

“Me too.” You whisper, squeezing Kate. 

“Holy shit Enid! You been in there the whole time?” Boone shouts after a minute.

“My brain hurts. Paramedics now?” You ask. “Please?” 

Kate nods, stepping back. “Yeah. Right now.” 

-

“Stop looking at me like that.” 

Tyler scoffs. “You can’t even see me.” 

You’re laying on the RV bed, eyes closed. The lights are dim, the quiet conversation from outside barely audible. 

Tyler had shooed Kate out to get dinner and told her she actually had to sit outside and eat it or he’d remove her concussion watch entirely. 

“Yeah but I can feel it.” You reach a foot out, knocking Tyler’s knee. “T.” 

He takes your foot, but must think better of whatever jerk move he’s going to pull because he lets your feet fall on his thigh softly, hand resting over them. His thumb finds your ankle bones and he rubs over it softly. 

“That feel okay?” He asks quietly and you nod. The show of intimacy, however platonic, is nice as you sit there. 

“I’m real sorry for putting you in harm’s way kid.” 

You let out a breath through your nose, resisting the urge to open your eyes. You know Tyler will just get mad if you do. 

“You didn’t. It was an accident.” 

“Kate blames me. Hell, I blame myself. It would be okay if you blamed me too.” 

“Tyler.” You say firmly. “It was an accident. You never meant any harm to come to me. I am fine, nothing more than a wittle baby concussion. The paramedics checked me out and Dani’s been keeping an eye on me the whole drive. I am fine.”

“You’re not fine!” Tyler snaps and you wince at the loudness in his voice. “Sorry, sorry. I just- You have a concussion, not to mention the bruises and cuts you’ve saddled yourself with. That’s not fine in my book.” 

“Tyler, I got hit by a car in college. What’s a little debris?” 

A smile tugs at your lips as you remember the way Dani and Javi’s eyes had gone wide as they’d sat with you as the EMTs check out you when you’d told the paramedics that story. 

They’d told you it was incredible that this was the situation you’d ended up with a low grade concussion and the other only a sprained wrist. 

“A tornado and a car are hardly the same.” 

“Technically, the tornado never hit me. Just debris.” 

“Semantics.” 

“The semantics are keeping Kate’s sanity in tact so please don’t make the difference in front of her.” You say quietly and Tyler sighs again. 

“She really cares about you, you know?” 

“Thought you weren’t getting involved?” 

“I’m not.” 

“Then stop talking.” 

Tyler pushes your feet away, scooting closer to you. “Your loss would’ve devastated her.” He says softly. 

“So I’ll be more careful next time.” 

He sighs. “You’re not listening to what I’m saying.” 

You crack an eye open. “Tyler, my brain hurts too much for this conversation. Can you please get to the point?” 

Tyler’s point never gets made as the RV door opens, Javi telling him that Dani had pulled him off concussion watch too. 

You suspected Javi just wanted to be around you but you’d take his presence over Tyler’s interrogation. Javi sits next to you on the bed as you close your eyes again. 

“Can I get you anything?” 

“No, though I wish I could call my freshman year room mate and annoy her like she did me.” 

Javi chuckles. “How do you mean?”

“She got a concussion in a skiing accident and made me talk to her for hours because she was bored and couldn’t do anything. I need payback.” 

-

Kate wrings her hands, eyes flickering around the room nervously. 

“Kate?” You say cautiously. “Are you okay?” 

“I just- I mean, are you sure you’re gonna be okay here? By yourself, you know, I could stay with you?” Her eyes roam over your body. “No, I think I should stay. I’m going to- I’ll go tell Tyler right now. I-“

You grab Kate’s wrist, cutting her off. “Kate.” You say softly. “It’s fine. It’s a baby concussion. I’m going to sit here for a few days and force Enid to snuggle me. It’ll be fine.” 

She sighs. “I don’t know, I still think I should stay.” 

“Kate, you are no use to anyone here. Anything I need, your Mom can get for me. I’ll be fine.” 

Your heart clenches at the concern swimming in your friend’s eyes and it’s going to take every minute of each one of those day to remind yourself that that concerns is only because of the losses in Kate’s past. 

She’s lost three friends before, she doesn’t want to lose a fourth.

She sighs, taking a step back. “You’re right. But- you call me if anything changes, okay?” You nod and so she takes another step back. 

You can hear Tyler shout up the stairs for the third time in fifteen minutes. “Tyler’s gonna get mad, you should just go.” You say, already taking a step back towards her bed though your eyes never leave hers. 

“Yeah, I should-“ With one last look, she slips back out the bedroom door. You sigh, pressing your hands to your eyes, willing yourself to get it together. 

“It doesn’t mean anything.” You mutter to yourself. The door creaks open and you glance up, seeing Kate stride through the door. “Kate?” 

Kate crosses the room in three steps, pulling you into a kiss. Before you can even process what she’s doing, she’s pulled back. 

Her hands fly to her mouth, a shocked expression on her face. “I can’t believe I just did that! Oh, I’m so sorry- Mmph.” 

You cut her off, crowding her space before pulling her lips back to yours.

Your hands slide down to her hips as she cradles your head in your hands. Only does she break away when Tyler shouts up the stairs, heavy footsteps on the wood. 

“I really should go this time.” She breathes. 

“You’ll come back right?” You ask, nudging your nose with hers. “I want to talk about this, I want to make this work with you.” 

She nods. “I’ll always come back for you.”

iii.

[youleavethetardisbrakeson]

I can't count the number of times that I've seen posts of people losing their minds over show!Rhaenys not having black hair...

Listen, I get that people want to see characters as they're described in books. Would Eve Best have looked badass with dark hair? Absolutely. But I think that this complaint often misunderstands the nature of adaptations and WHY the show did what it did.

Obviously, Rhaenys' mother being a Baratheon comes into play quite often in the books. You see a whole history of the two families, way more of Boremund being #1 uncle, and understand the weight of him backing Rhaenys' claim as queen.

TV and movie adaptations don't have the luxury of describing pages of backstory and ancestry. You often need to compromise on certain book elements in order to let the audience quickly and easily understand who a person is and how they're related to other characters.

In HotD, the fact that Rhaenys is a Baratheon comes in second to her being a Targaryen. Her Baratheon ancestry literally does not come into play other than Luke trying to persuade Borros to join Team Black, and even then, it DOESN'T MATTER. Borros throws that family connection away like it was nothing. The book argument of her hair color being a possible explanation for Jace, Luke, and Joff's appearance also wouldn't really do much because 1) the show chooses to emphasize that Harwin is the boys' father with zero ambiguity (other than Viserys' weird horse-based logic), and 2) the show!Velaryons are black, and that is a HUGE elephant in the room that's going to trample anything else.

As a side note, GRRM himself couldn't seem to decide on her hair color. In The Princess and the Queen, her hair is Targaryen silver, but F&B changed it to black, with white streaks appearing as she ages. Her children also don't inherit her black hair; both are described in the books as having silver hair, so take that for what you will.

Book readers are usually avid, detail-oriented fans. We love all the small details, family trees, and lore. But book readers are NOT who the show is marketed towards. They have to try and appeal to a larger, more mainstream audience. You need the content to be accessible and easy to understand for a middle-aged mother of 2 in Oklahoma who generally doesn't consume anything fantasy. As I'm sure many of us with boomer parents know, trying to explain elaborate lore to people who aren't in the fandom is HARD.

The #1 thing that the average non-book reader needs to quickly understand is that Rhaenys is a TARGARYEN. She could've, SHOULD'VE, been queen, but she was passed over. You're also combating the fact that she's generally wearing Velaryon blue, and the show doesn't explicitly show that she's a dragonrider until episode 9. Since Emilia Clarke never wore purple contacts for Daenerys in GoT, the ONLY visual representation of a Targaryen that the show has in its arsenal is silver hair. If you need any more convincing, look at what the HotD casting director said in a 2022 interview:

Again, yeah, it would've been cool to see Rhaenys with dark hair. I know Eve looks good with dark hair. But for this show, silver hair = Targaryen, and that takes precedence.

[bunny-heels]

all my blogs are finally fully backed up so.

Matt is a fucking idiot. imagine being in charge of a website that advertises itself as the gayest place on the web when in reality all you do is sulk in your office being upset and whiny because people rightfully call you out on your hypocrisy, ignorance, neglect, and blatant bigotry.

there is a literal genocide happening that's been going on for years killing innocent people. a non-binary teen was beaten to death and the killers have basically gotten off free. and this fucking dumbass decides to worry about what people are saying about him online as if he isn't sitting in a pile of money like every other jackass CEO is dong. the fact Palestine isn't one of the listed trending tags on tumblr when i see news about it every 5 posts is ridiculous.

he's just like any other rich guy. he doesn't care about the wellbeing of others, thinks only for himself, puts others down when they feel threatened, and just wants more money.

tumblr stopped being a safe place for "outcasted" people years ago, even before the porn ban. in fact, maybe it never really was for outcated people. trans, black, and disabled users have been getting put down by this site for a very long time, and its fucking disgusting. this site literally houses the largest percentage of LGBT+ and disabled users i've ever seen if we're going by the polls where literally the option of cisgender and neurotypical is always under 1%. they literally are the reason this website still exist, because they've created their circles and safe spaces for them to feel comfortable sharing their life experiences and adventures through life.

most people on this site can't go a day in their real life without some form of harassment or hardship, they don't need that transferring to their digital life. every group of people deserves their own corner for them to have fun and get away from everything for a while. if that's taken away, you are left with people who are just throwing tantrums, and the actual users who made your site usable are now out there probably doing better than you and getting more respectable support than you will with your group of crying babies.

Matt is not a 13 year old kid running a GMod DarkRP server. Matt is not a 26 year old forum mod. he is a 40 year old CEO who is the founder of a well known blog creation site. he has an extremely important and powerful position, yet he is choosing to put his own immature feelings first before thinking about the safety of his own userbase that is literally used as this sites selling point.

the fucking audacity to do this shit to your own users that you literally use for a selling point when you won't even allow for certain tags to show up in the search because you claim for them to have sexual content meanwhile other tags are full of hatred, bigotry, and downright defamation of innocent people who just happen to live different lives is fucking gross. i absolutely cannot believe society and social norms have let the minds of people in power get this fucking bad. it's almost impressive, in a tortured lab monkeys way, not in an innovated and breakthrough way.

please protect all trans users, especially trans women/trans fems. please protect black users, disabled users, all people of color users, homeless/financially struggling users, harassed users, victims of assault users, Palestinian users, jewish users, any religious users-any user that you know for a fact could be thrown away by this bullshit system any day now, protect and take care of them, and make sure they know you'll always be there no matter what.

this post will be rebloggable because i want to pass these links.

palestine related links:

arab.org

gofundmes

esims

PCRF

funds for gaza

POC related links:

BHM mutual aid

american indian college fund

black family mutual aid

trans related links:

freedom oklahoma

transformationskc

trans liberation

suggestions for more plus any corrections are appreciated. reblogging and replying to add your own links for mutual aid and donations is extremely acceptable and encouraged. i apologize if anything in this is worded incorrectly.

if this is taken down despite me being a cis straight chick, you know why.

[papasbaseball]

Anyway, I really love Oklahoma! (the musical). The amount of character depth is fucking insane.

Spoilers below, along with a rant on writing

Jud is probably without a doubt one of the worst villains out there. He has almost no redeeming qualities and if you look into his lines you know that HE knows that Laurey doesn't want him, and he continuously tries to get her alone anyways.

But there's a song early in the first act, "Poor Jud is Daid", where Curly has to make up a scenario out of the Freudian slip of suggesting that Jud hang himself. He promises Jud that all the folks in the county secretly have nice things to say about him, but he'll never hear them until he's dead. This is about the only time we see Jud happy during the whole musical: during a song about his death where the community finally understands and loves him.

HOWEVER, later on, when he falls on his own knife and kills himself on accident, not only is there no reprise of the song, but basically the whole community agrees to rush and do Curly's trial unofficially because "it's his wedding night" and a man shouldn't have to spend his wedding night locked up in jail. The judge even coaxes Curly into the "right" answers to get him a not guilty verdict.

The county didn't even have enough respect for Jud to give Curly a full murder/manslaughter trial. Thus, not only was the song "Poor Jud is Daid" wrong, it was egregiously wrong to the point where his killer is "rewarded" with a honeymoon and get out of jail free card, from a meta standpoint.

It's important to note that Jud and Curly are foils. The actors for Jud and Curly cannot be role switched and the musical still make sense (particularly in the 1999 filmed stage production). It is necessary that Jud have no redeeming features, and that includes being conventionally attractive. Curly is smart, clean, quick-witted, a good shot, and charming. Jud is none of these, and it's important that he's not because it drives a point home.

He's thrifty and a hard worker, but none of his efforts matters because the community does not love him and never will, based on personality and birth traits alone.

AND THAT'S THE MIRACULOUS THING ABOUT THESE CHARACTERS.

In the end, you should feel happy for Curly and Laurey. They're married and in love, Oklahoma just became a state, and it's a brand new day. You should be happy that Jud is dead, he'd been antagonizing Laurey after all (and severely). But part of you feels for him. He never had a chance and only wanted "real" love (not the nude pictures he hung up in his hovel). His own murder trial was rigged. The town had already planned to crush under the sole of their boot from the moment he moved in.

He's such a wonderfully complex character, and something so rarely seen now. I've been thinking about him non-stop for the past 24 hours from a writer's standpoint. He boasts no attractive qualities to draw you to him but rather leaves you with an unsettling feeling and a self-pity as we recall our own times when we've felt like an outcast that can do nothing right, doomed to be deemed unworthy of love.

If I could ever write a character or commentary as complex and well thought out as that, I'd be over the moon.

[arewelemmings]

Downward Spiral

Downward Spiral written by Are We Lemmings, 2022-12-07

Right wingers hate everyone who is isn't a right winger. It's fact.

Evidence? There's plenty. Let's look at one example.

Remember the phrase, "There goes the neighborhood?" It's a well-known fact that right wingers hate gays. The why doesn't matter. They will make up any reason. Basically, it's because gays are different from them; right wingers hate anyone who's different. I remember being a kid and hearing someone saying, "Those homos better not be moving into the neighborhood. The next thing you know they'll be having disgusting sex on the front lawn. We can't have that." Really? Did they really beleive that? I'm sure some did. But for all my life, I've never read, seen or heard a news story about anybody having sex on the front lawn, gay or straight. It's not homophobia. They don't fear gays. The right wing hates gays. They hate anyone who isn't another right winger. It's just that simple.

They did their best to drive gays into hiding. "If they stay out of sight, it will be okay because we can pretend they don't exist. Out of sight, out of mind." But that wasn't good enough. Gays created their own bars and nightclubs. Gays were behind closed doors. And the right wingers broke down these doors and murdered them. It's not enough for people who are different from right wingers to be invisible. They weren't doing it on the front lawn. They simply can't be allowed to exist. That's the right wing agenda.

These days they're in a tizzy about transgenders. The recent Oklahoma bill HB1011 is a step toward preventing people from transgendering, making it a crime to aid a person in the process. They are trying to erase anything other than straight sex. Next thing you know, they'll try to erase anything creative, so we are all forced into heterosexual missionary exercises of the dull and boring kind while we secretly fantasize of all the wonderfully creative things we would choose if we were given the choice to indulge ourselves. It's puritanical and authoritarian. It's anti-freedom.

Okay, clearly we can't allow this kind of terrorist tyranny take root in America (or any other part of the world where you live). But let's think for a frightening moment about what happens if the right wing wins. And the way they cheat, it's not impossible. It has been proven with abundant evidence that conservatives, far above any other group, will lie, cheat, steal, betray and do whatever necessary to sieze power. They need to be in control.

Imagine right wing hatred and bigotry has eliminated all humankind except those who are radically right wing. There are no other groups of people to hate and fight against. But, no, they won't settle for that; they can't. I remember when I was young, the people in the Irish neighborhood hated the people in the Italian neighborhood, who hated the Polish, who hated the Greeks. They were all white, but there was still bigotry between them. That will happen again. Terrorism and fighting will continue until there is only one group left. And then, within that group, they will begin looking for differences between them to divide up and fight some more. "You hate bean sprouts? How could you?! That's it, buddy. You'll find I don't have your back anymore. I can't believe people like you exist. Maybe you shouldn't exist. I wouldn't have anything to do with you if you were the last person on Earth." And before you know it, there is a literal last person on Earth. And then we're extinct. Of course, it wouldn't proceed nearly as simply as this, but it would gradualy follow this sort of path through hatred and destruction.

Right wing thinking leads us in only one direction. Down. Right wing hatred is a downward spiral of destruction that leads to nothing but death and decay, and nobody left to get sick about it.

Is there a solution? Education will help tremendously. Which is why conservatives cut school budgets to keep us all ignorant and easier to control. Re-educating deplorables won't be easy, but we've got to try. It will surely take a Herculean effort.

What about faith? Jesus teaches kindness, forgiveness, empathy and compassion. But today's Christians don't teach what Jesus taught. So, religion isn't the answer. In fact, the right wing uses religion as a weapon, and are bigoted toward other religions, too. Beyond beefing up education, and possibly passing laws to ensure freedoms, and reforming police to actually do the job of protecting and serving, I don't know anything else that will help. If you've got good ideas, let's hear them. Really. Speak up. Use your voice. That's one of your freedoms that we need to protect.

[gwaindrifter]

I just realized I don't think I've told the story of the time I came close to experiencing absolute madness.

This was a couple of years ago, when me and my now fiancé @imnotactuallyamermaid were on a road trip to the southwest, to visit Meowwolf and some state parks, for our anniversary. Things had been going great. We had good driving conditions and had been keeping the gas tank topped up pretty regularly. We'd been passing the time listening to The Magnus Archives(which, in retrospect, may have contributed some to our state of mind going into this event). All in all, a pretty normal experience. Then we left Kansas and into the panhandle of Oklahoma. Or as I have dubbed it, the land God forgot to load.

Now, before we even got into Oklahoma, we made a pretty big error. We decided to pass up the last gas station we saw leaving Kansas. That would be the last open gas station we'd see until New Mexico. Every single one we passed was closed and looked like they had been since the 90s. Everything we passed on the highway was closed. The towns we passed didn't even look inhabited.

And there were no other signs of life. Not a single car passed us on the road. For that 166 mile stretch, not another soul to be seen. Not even a soul to be heard, as there was no radio signal we could find, and cell service dropped out almost entirely. There's no animal life either, and barely any vegetation.

A vast emptiness. The topography did not change in the slightest; not a hill or dip in sight. The road did not curve, just carried on straight out past the horizon. There wasn't even a cloud in the sky, just perfect clear blue. And of course, we were driving into the sun.

The first half hour was alright. We listened to one more episode of the magnus archives until I lost cell service. The sky was pretty, I'd never seen it so clear. Nothing felt a miss. Then, the dread began to set in.

It started with just the feeling of needing stop. Get gas, fresh drinks, stretch our legs. We saw a sign for a town ahead. 30 miles. A little far for our taste, but doable. We drove on. By now, there was nothing on the radio. And not a car in sight. We felt alone. But that's okay, we'll hit this town soon. Civilization, people. But we were wrong.

We rolled into this town, and not a soul in sight. But we could see the gas station, so there was salvation. Dashed against the rocks. Closed, and the last price per gallon was a buck and change. There was nothing here and hadn't been in ages. So we drove on. Maybe the next town. But it was always the same story.

Now we were an hour in, and we were starting to crack. I'd finally realized I had a playlist downloaded to my phone, so at least we had the company of music again, as little comfort as that gave. The sun was becoming unbearable, with no reprieve. Time was starting to dissolve. I couldn't tell if I'd been driving for an hour or ten. It didn't matter. It felt like we were never getting out of there. We'd somehow taken the exit ramp right off of reality.

You know how in movies, when someone's losing their mind, they start to laugh? That's real. It's a nervous chuckle, really, but it happens. At least it happened to me. Laughing and muttering. Raving about being forsaken by God. That his light did not touch this land, despite how much the sun shined, right into my eyes. Really wild stuff coming from an agnostic pagan. But sometimes you revert to old beliefs.

This carried on for another hour, and all the while, real trouble was rearing its head. 166 miles is a ways to take a Kia Soul on just a half tank of gas. We really weren't sure if we were going to make it out of this. On top of that, we were getting hungry. And tired, not having switched drivers this whole time. All of this was taking its toll. We were both a hair from snapping.

Finally, a sign of salvation. 30 miles to New Mexico. A glimmer of hope. It was the only thing we could think or talk about. A chance of a gas station. Refuel. The opportunity to stretch our legs and switch drivers. Hot food and cold drink. Restrooms. It was the light at the end of the tunnel. An incredibly bright tunnel.

When we crossed that border and saw not just a gas station, but a truck stop, it was almost enough to make one cry tears of relief. 2 and a half hours of bright, vast, nothingness finally come to an end. We had been saved. We filled our car and our bellies. And in no time at all, we were in the majesty of the New Mexico desert, her beauty all around us, and the desolation of Oklahoma a distant memory. Civilization returned, and with it, people, and radio, and cell service. All was back to normal.

Until a few days later when we drove through the Vail Pass in a blizzard, but that's a story for another time.

[lizardwoman-from-earths-core]

The CBS version of Ghosts is yet another example of why we Americans can't have nice things. In so many ways, it is a cheap knock off of the BBC version. The plot points for the majority of the episodes I have seen so far have been directly lifted from BBC, but the humor has been beaten to death and left in a ditch. It's awful. However, it doesn't have to be that way. There are parts of the show that are original, and those are the best episodes. Let's begin.

To start with, all of the characters are direct rip offs of the BBC Ghosts. Off the top of my head, we have Isaac for The Captain, Hetty for Fanny, Alberta for Kitty, Trevor for Julian, Thor for Robin, Pete for Pat, and so on. This would be fine if there was any kind of chemistry between the characters/actors, but there isn't. I am of the belief that no matter how bad something is, you should never blame the actors. The main BBC Ghosts cast have been working with each other for YEARS, so obviously everything feels more geniune. But the jokes are so much more snappy and well delivered in the British version. I don't know if that is British versus American humor, or what. Even so, that doesn't extend to the blatant ripping off of so many episodes.

All of that being said, please let me tell you what I do like about the CBS version of Ghosts. Nothing is original until episode 9, titled Alberta's Fan. The episode is about a freaky fan of Alberta who wants to stay on the house and look at her stuff. At first, everything seems normal. He presents himself as an historian writing about her before it is revealed he is just a wierdo with her faced tattooed on his back and her toenail in a vial. I think it shows the potential of the show when it goes for original story lines. The humor is better now that it wasn't a badly told pre-existing joke. The fact that Alberta's family is from Tulsa may have contributed to me liking it. :)

However, the very next episode seems to go back to plagerising the original series, although it is a bit more creative and palatable than before. Long story short, Jay gets possessed by Hetty, who uses his body to experience life again. While original in the possession area, it reminded me of Redding Weddy, where Fanny is attracted Mike and struggles to come to terms for it. Strangely enough, Oklahoma is mentioned again for some reason.

One last thing before the final thoughts. The Plague ghosts versus the Cholera ghosts. I was showing my friend (@pokegirl0238) the BBC version, and she loved how chill the Plague Ghosts were. They are everything the Ghosts upstairs are not (not to mention they are played by the same actors). I just don't get that same dynamic with the Colera victims, which is fine. I have just been preaching and screeching about originality after all.

Final Thoughts:

I like that Isaac can be open about being gay. I think it's so cute that he's in a relationship with that British officer (can't remember his name sorry). I just know that if The Captain were to ever admit it and know that there is nothing to be ashamed of and that the people he cares for accept him, he will move on (get sucked off). There are opportunities for these American characters because they are so new. They don't have to stay as copies. They can have lives. But the writers can't seem to understand that. At least, not from what I have seen.

(I hope it's okay I've used these images)

[thrown-out-there]

10/15/23

when i was younger I didn't have a relationship with art (art in this case being visual expressions, like photos or sculptures, and the like). this isn't to say i was never exposed to art, but rather that I've never looked at a piece of art and felt something. because of this (for lack of a better term) deficiency in youth, I assumed this would follow me into adulthood. having recently discovered that the world is, in fact, beautiful/marvelous/majestic/incomprehensibly wonderful, i decided to review some of my own views. I went to two art museums, the Oklahoma Museum of Art, and the Oklahoma Museum of Contemporary Art, as they're nearby.

I went contemporary first, as it was a smaller, more secluded museum, and more importantly, the exhibits were supposed to "mean something". I didn't feel anything. the art was good, from an execution standpoint, and the themes of native American issues were real and thoughtful. it did make me think, but it didn't make me feel.

No matter, no problem. Likely I am not the target audience, i moved on to the "regular" museum, where there were three exhibits. an impressionism exhibit discussing the sculptures of Auguste Rodin, who is likely most well known for "the thinker". a "standard" museum exhibit, which was segmented based on the types of art, and was lain out in a way which suggested that it was greatly for learning about art history, which is great. the last was a glass exhibit by Dave Chihuly.

i had asked the lady at the reception which exhibit i should see first, in case i was out of time. i was told to view them in the order of the glass exhibit, the Rodin exhibit, and finally the mixed exhibit. this is the order in which i viewed them.

Glass is an interesting art medium. it takes a lot of skill to be proficient in them, and nothing spoke more to that than the small, delicate looking birds made entirely from one piece of glass, sat atop fragile looking vases. everything seemed fragile, but everything was also still, cast under harsh lights in a dim room. once again, all i really felt was an appreciation for the amount of skill and devotion that it must have taken to create these.

that is, unfortunately the same conclusion i came to from the Rodin exhibit. incredibly detailed bronze creations, detailed faces of joy, anguish, desire, captured forever in a metal prison.

i thought things were probably over after that. i had all but decided that visual art just wasn't for me, couldn't be understood by me. i already knew i couldn't create visual art worth anything, and ive tried many times.

and then i saw the only two paintings in the whole gallery that matter to me. i don't know why they captured me so, but even now i am thinking about them. The images I've found do not do it justice.

most people talk about feeling something from art in a very abstract way, but this painting took me to its subject. as i stood in this quiet, air conditioned room in Central Oklahoma.

I could feel the rocks beneath my feet, even as my boots stood on soft carpet

I could hear the Ocean roar, deafening to me even as my surroundings were still

i could smell the salt air, even though the air was filled with the scents of the other people, the cleaners used by the museum, and the clean, pre-winter Oklahoma Air. The non-existent wind ruffled the collar on my shirt, pressed my slacks into the back of my thighs, as it did not blow hard from the ocean.

and then it was gone. as suddenly as the feeling appeared, it left.

it was incredible, and i wish i could replicate it.

and then i saw the other painting.

maybe this is just a nitpick i have, but this museum lets you get pretty close to the art, and i feel like it does a disservice to some kinds of paintings. do you really need to see each individual brush stroke to have "seen" it?

for me, at least in this instance, i did not.

looking at this painting up close did nothing for me. small, even brush strokes attempting to be evocative of a squall, a short windstorm. it was nice, but it wasnt evocative of anything while i scrutinized it with my dumb ape eyes.

while leaving, i glanced back at the painting, now a good 10-20 feet from it.

I couldn't help but feel immense dread wash over me, as the colors and patterns seemed to swirl together in a deep, ominous way. it tightened my chest, pressed against my heart, my eyes, unable to tear themselves away. and gone again.

ill be going back, in November when the new exhibit is unveiled.

Ill be revisiting the two i saw before, hoping desperately to replicate my experience.

if you read this, i hope it helps you feel something.

-RK

[gl-cult-archives]

Fundamentalist Organizations and Fundamentalist Leaders

I've never seen someone piece together all the influences and interacting organizations in fundamentalism. I'm honored to have discovered it and archived it on this blog. (Original Post) Text from post pasted below.

Today we are continuing on in our quest to understand, as far as possible, the isolated and puzzling world of the IFB. It is my contention that fundamentalism/legalism is on the rise in many denominations and independent churches. I contend that this is due to a group of Calvinistas who have gained some prominence in the neo-evangelical world. For example, Al Mohler, president of SBTS, the flagship seminary of the SBC, is part of this movement. He is currently dedicated to establishing Young Earth Creationism as the only theologically viable Christian position.

What are the colleges of the IFB? Link

Arlington Baptist College (Arlington, Texas)

Biblical Institute for Theological Preparation (Amman, Jordan)

Baptist Bible College (Springfield, Missouri)

Boston Baptist College (Boston, Massachusetts)

Chesapeake Baptist College (Severn, Maryland)

Crown College (Powell, Tennessee)

Detroit Baptist Theological Seminary (Allen Park, Michigan)

Faith Baptist Bible College (Ankeny, Iowa)

Golden State Baptist College (Santa Clara, California)

Heartland Baptist Bible College (Oklahoma City, Oklahoma)

Hyles-Anderson College (Lake County, Indiana)

International Baptist College (Tempe, Arizona)

International Bible College (Stony Brook, New York)

Louisiana Baptist University (Shreveport, Louisiana)

Maranatha Baptist Bible College (Watertown, Wisconsin)

Midwestern Baptist College (Pontiac, Michigan)

Mountain States Baptist College (Great Falls, Montana)

Northland Baptist Bible College (Dunbar, Wisconsin)

Pacific Baptist College (Pomona, California)[1]

Pensacola Christian College (Pensacola, Florida)

Piedmont Baptist College (Winston-Salem, North Carolina)

Pillsbury Baptist Bible College (Owatonna, Minnesota)

Tabernacle Baptist College (Greenville, South Carolina)

Tennessee Temple University (Chattanooga, Tennessee)

Texas Baptist College (Longview, Texas)

Trinity Baptist College (Jacksonville, Florida)

Trinity Valley Baptist Seminary and College (Kennedale, Texas)

West Coast Baptist College (Lancaster, California)

Why does it matter?

One of our readers, Tikatu provided the following insightful comment.

"True, they don’t belong to a “convention” and send messengers to a meeting each year. And they don’t make up a “denomination” that has oversight beyond the churches themselves. What they do have is a loose network, usually centered around the universities that teach the preachers.

Each of these networks has a slightly different “flavor”. Within the networks they share mission boards, camps, school associations, and quite often each faction is at odds with the others. For example, Bob Jones University people look down on Hyles-Anderson graduates, and Pensacola Christian preachers think poorly of Northland grads. Which is why those who are upset by the 20/20 exposé are accusing it of “painting with a wide brush”. I say that you need a wide brush to hit all the various different factions found in the IFB movement. They wouldn’t lump themselves all together, but looking in from the outside, there’s little difference to be seen."

There is a blog dedicated to exposing issues the IFB and other legalistic venues called Fallen From Grace. Link. Please note the dig at the SBC. Said blogger understands that things are hardly pristine in the SBC and gives testimony to my contention that fundamentalism/legalism is a pox that runs through many denominations. Sadly, this blogger, who was a pastor in this group of churches, is now an atheist

“… there is a behind the scenes connection between IFB Churches. While there is no such thing as an IFB denomination, churches do fellowship and unite around a particular college and groups like Bill Gothard, the Sword of the Lord, the Baptist Bible Fellowship, Independent Baptist Fellowship, and the Southwide Baptist Fellowship. (to name a few) They even have their own discussion forum, The Fighting Fundamentalist Forum.

Pastors support the college they attended and they tend to support missionaries and ministries associated with their alma mater and whatever particular fellowship group they are a part of. These associations are every bit as denominational as churches associated with the Southern Baptist Convention. (another group that is rife with abuse )

If a pastor gets crossways with the college he attended or fellow pastors he fellowships with, he can find himself ostracized and, in some cases, unable to find a church to pastor. (which is one reason IFB pastors start new churches).”

What is The Sword of the Lord?

This is a publishing house within the IFB. It publishes a newspaper, books and pamphlets. Dr Shelton Smith and two men who were fortunate to marry Smith’s two daughters currently run it. Link.

What is the Fighting Fundamentalist Forum? Link

This is an interesting discussion board. There are separate chat rooms for each college, which may indicate that each college has it own distinctives. There is a chat room for men only that appears to concentrate on gun ownership and one for women that had a rip-roaring discussion going on the best chicken spaghetti recipes.

Let’s take a look at two groups to understand how these affiliations between churches develop. There are a number of other such groups but I chose these two to demonstrate the points that Tikatu and others are making. Although these quotes are from Wikipedia, one can confirm this history on many IFB sites

What is Bible Baptist Fellowship? Link

“The Baptist Bible Fellowship International (BBFI) is a fellowship of Baptist pastors formed in 1950 by members who separated from the World Baptist Fellowship. BBFI Headquarters are in Springfield, Missouri. In 2004, BBFI reported 4,500 congregations and 1.2 million members in North America, with over 10,000 churches worldwide.[1]

Approximately 100 pastors and missionaries were led of God to begin this new Baptist movement that would emphasize a worldwide church planting ministry. They chose Springfield as their headquarters and started the Baptist Bible College, the Baptist Bible Tribune, a clearinghouse for missionary support, and this fellowship of like-minded churches and individuals."

What is the World Baptist Fellowship? Link

“The Fundamentals was a series of twelve articles defending the 'fundamentals' of the faith, such as the inerrancy of the Bible, the virgin birth of Christ and the literal return of Christ. In 1920 Curtis Lee Laws, a Baptist editor of The Watchman-Examiner, coined the term 'fundamentalist' and defined a fundamentalist as one "ready to do battle royal for the Fundamentals of the faith." J. Frank Norris became a combatant in the fundamentalist/modernist controversy. He edited a paper entitled The Fundamentalist. Both the Southern Baptist Convention and the Baptist General Convention of Texas expelled Norris because of his controversial behavior.

Norris, C. P. Staley and others formed the Premillennial Missionary Baptist Fellowship in 1933 at Fort Worth, Texas. In 1938, the name was changed to World Fundamental Baptist Missionary Fellowship and then to World Baptist Fellowship (WBF) after the schism that created the Baptist Bible Fellowship International in 1950. The WBF was again divided in 1984, when a group led by Raymond W. Barber established the Independent Baptist Fellowship International and the Norris Bible Baptist Institute.”

Note the following characteristics of these two groups:

Both groups established their own colleges.

Both have churches affiliated with each group.

Both believe that God called them to start these groups even though it involved disunity. One of the groups has experienced a second “schism.”

Here are some observations of the IFB.

Most believe in KJVO Bible.

Most share similar views of societal standards such as rules for interpersonal relationships, dress, etc.

Most practice extreme separatism.

So, what’s the difference. I believe that Tikatu’s comment is most incisive. These groups center around personalities such as preachers, which, by default, implies the colleges that these pastors attended. In other words, their differences are not based on Biblical standards, per se. In fact, this sort of affiliation is not unlike basketball in NC. One supports only one of the following: The Duke Blue Devils, UNC Tarheels, or the NC State Wolfpack.

The IFB has churches that affiliate with one another but there does not seem to be much functional difference in the day to day life of these groups and their churches. The most telling testimony to the similarities of all these churches, regardless of affiliation, are in the IFB survivors groups. In TWW’s opinion, survivor’s groups on the internet have done the faithful a great service. Instead of hiding abuse in a dark corner, they shout the pain and the light shines.

We highly recommend that you visit the following Facebook group called “Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) Cult Survivors (and their Supporters).” Link.

The first page included the following information. I did not include all of the examples which can be found at the site. “If you grew up indoctrinated under the aberrant religious teachings of Bob Jones University, Pensacola Christian College, Hyles Anderson College, or ATI (Bill Gothard) and are no longer "one of them," you understand the need for this group.”

“You're familiar with most if not all of the following:

King James Onlyism

The Bible says, 'Touch Not God's Anointed' and that means ME!"

“Let me tell you something big boy, you rebel against your parents and you go down across town to that Southern Baptist Church and let me tell you something, you've stepped out of the will of God! You hear me? You just want to hear that mamby, pamby preaching from those preachers who water down the gospel of Jesus Christ and that is nothing more than your rebellious heart crying out in your SIN!"

“Billy Graham has done more damage to the cause of Christ than any other man alive! He's a heretic!"

"I don't care if she says she was beaten and molested. She's just BITTER!"

"Well, good, godly men get accused falsely of molestation all the time now-a-days by people who hate what they stand for."

"I don't care if she was 15 and he was 50, she was well known for wearing provocative clothing. And how do we really know who is telling the truth"?

"Black people have the 'mark of Cain'."

"Any counseling by a professional psychologist is of the devil! I don't care if they claim to be a Christian. If they are licensed and not a part of our group, they are not godly counselors. They are secular humanists ready and waiting to accuse every good man of doing something wrong. They want to see the destruction of the true church!"

Your parents inscripted Bible verses in the wooden "rod" they used to beat you with.

"Santa is really Satan in disguise!"

You were a guy/girl beaten mercilessly in an unlicensed group home.

You ran away from one of these group homes.

You were one of the girls sent to a group home for "rebellion," but all you really wanted was to simply wear a pair of pants.

No mixed swimming.

Culottes

Chick Tracts

You may also fit into the group well if you once attended or were reared/trained under materials available through:

Bob Jones University (Greenville, SC)

Pensacola Christian College (Pensacola, FL)

Hyles-Anderson College (Hammond, IN)

Advanced Training Institute-Bill Gothard

Quiverfull

Vision Forum

Above Rubies

Creation Research Institute

The Wilds Christian Camp

The Bill Rice Ranch

The Roloff Homes

No Greater Joy

Your spiritual gurus at one time in your life were most likely:

Bob Jones Jr.

John R. Rice

Jack Hyles

Jack Schaap

Bill Gothard

Doug Phillips

Kent Hovind

Michael Pearl

Ron Comfort

Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar

Fred Phelps (Westboro Baptist Church)

Or any other man who received a phony doctorate from one of the "colleges/universities" in the IFB.”

[curiousconch]

Chase You/Chase Me (Pt. 7)

Part 7: Round and around we go

Catch up here: Series Masterlist

Chapter Summary: The attack in McGraw Byrne's offices reveals a deeper conspiracy that runs to the top of the law firm, which Alex pursued head on. But when the dust settles, she is forced to face the music of her own troubled mind.

Book/Pairing: Choices - Laws of Attraction / Gabe Ricci x MC (Alex Keating)

Words: 2.1k+

Rating/Warnings: Mature (16+) / themes of violence, and trauma, language. Reader discretion advised.

Disclaimer: Most of the characters as well as some dialogue belong to Pixelberry. I am merely borrowing them.

A week after, New York City

Shit. Shit. Shit.

The gunman panted as he ran through the dark and unfamiliar side streets of New York, the covering on his face not helping alleviate the sense of panic overtaking him.

His current state of mind paled in comparison with how calm he walked into the offices of that freakishly bright law firm.

The task was simple - get the phone and get out.

But when he found himself face to face with the woman who'd sent his life into a whirling clusterfuck, he didn't hesitate to pull the trigger.

He missed.

A brute of a man rammed into him right before he took a shot. Who knew corporate slaves can be combative? By then he knew he was fucked. He snatched the phone then ran.

An earlier scope of the building gave him an easy way out, but the shitty maze of the streets of the business district didn't give much of a reprieve.

I fucking hate this city.

He didn't know how long he'd been running, not until he had to stop by the dead end wall in front of him.

Blue and red flashing lights caught him in a daze, his breath heavy, realizing he was boxed in by police officers in an alley.

"Freeze!" one had shouted. "Raise your arms over your head!"

He didn't have a choice. He's not willing to die for his uncle, nor take another sentence in prison. That scumbag wasn't worth it, regardless of how many times that man tried drilling the thought into his head.

I'm tired of this shit anyway. Though I'll miss the perks.

He raised his hands, then felt his knees buckle when someone kicked him from behind, forcing him to the ground. Someone pulled the ski mask off his head, his face now exposed for everyone to see.

He was the younger, spitting image of Koenig's CEO. Except for those piercing blue eyes.

Now everyone will know, he thought. Poor uncle Peter will be burned to the stakes after he spill every single sordid detail of all the crimes Max was ordered to do.

From that pretty little celebrity in L.A., the poisoned man from Oklahoma, the researchers from Massachusetts, and all of those other victims in between.

Good thing he kept all those souvenirs. He will prove to them that he was just a pawn.

The pawn that was Maximilian Koenig Cornell.

**

A few days after, Rooftop of McGraw Byrne

Alex took another hit of nicotine from the cigarette between her fingers, standing by the edge of the fancy rooftop lounge. She exhaled a plume of smoke, the friction in her throat giving herself a temporary reprieve from her chaotic state of mind.

By the rest of the world's standards, it should have been a beautiful day. The skies above her was indigo, filled with streaks of orange from the setting sun. The peacefulness of it a far cry from the storm that was brewing inside her.

Success shouldn't feel this way. She was having a hard time basking in her recent victories.

Alex was just named junior partner this morning, after successfully taking Peter Koenig and Sadie McGraw down. Max Cornell, who turned out to be Koenig's nephew slash hitman, had confessed. He revealed who really was pulling the ropes, all in the form of well-kept call logs and text messages.

The backlash of it all reached McGraw Byrne's founding partner. The same form of proof exposed Sadie's hand on the Koenig class action suit, as well as her involvement in tipping off authorities to paint Marcus Sharpe as Aliana's murderer. The intent was to veer suspicion away from Koenig, making thousands of dollars along the way.

Alex had completely unraveled the conspiracy, with the help of Aislinn and Gigi. Beau, surprisingly, was more than participative. But it was obvious for everyone at the firm who led the crackdown, and it didn't take long for recognition to come to pass.

In everyone else's eyes, she emerged the winner.

And now, when all is said and done, there was nothing to escape to.

Alex can no longer disassociate herself from the sight of the gun barrel held by the ghost she tried to forget all these years.

The sound of applause, soured only by Martin Vanderweil's display of pain-in-the-ass arrogance, should have made her want to enjoy the fruits of her labor. Instead, here she was, wallowing with herself to be overcame by old bad habits.

What happened in the library was etched in her mind, clear as day. The memory of that close encounter with death, being brought up to life by the lack of distractions, made her shudder.

Every waking hour was consumed by the man with the haunting blue eyes that meant death. Those same eyes from the past that suffocated her for so long.

A decade spent running away from them, yet they still caught up with her.

She worked so hard not to remember, not to let it bring her down, for it not to be her end game. She's at the top of the fucking career ladder, yet why can't she still have a sense of freedom?

Everything just felt wrong. She felt out of place.

Lost in her frustrations, she didn't hear the whirring of the elevator and the approaching footsteps that followed.

"Thought I'd find you here," Gabe said, stopping inches away from her.

It took everything of her not to swivel and look at him, opting to curse at herself for how her body quickly relaxed by the softness of his voice.

The storm clouding her mind instantly dissipated, leaving her bare. Gabe's presence made the oceans within her stand still, as if awaiting to be stirred.

"Didn't want to be found," she mumbled, closing her lips on the still burning stick of nicotine. Alex struggled to keep her gaze steady at the slowly darkening skyline.

I know. Gabe wanted to say. He knew that finding her here, seeking out the comfort of isolation screamed her desire to be left alone. He had seen her internal turmoil, hiding behind the air of stoicism she projected for everyone else.

That's why he was never more determined to find her. He wanted, no, needed, to be there for her.

Gabe knew he'd been a dick to walk out from her that morning in L.A., right after he admitted what he felt for her.

But there was rarely an opportunity to make it right. Whenever there was, there was no getting through her. No matter how much he tried to reach out, to make her see that he regretted his actions that day, she wouldn't let him in.

He couldn't blame her.

Gabe told himself he'd give her time, to give her space. However, fate had other plans.

He almost lost her that night, and it was a wake up call. When he watched helplessly as Cornell aimed at her, something in him shifted. He's no longer stuck in a limbo questioning who Alex was for him, or why he constantly wanted to be near her, wanting to make everything right.

He was decided to run after her, to stay with her, no matter what. He was done chasing after dreams of the past.

Alex was his future.

"Can't get rid of me easily," he settled on that reply, leaning on the glass railing beside her.

"Really?" she quipped sardonically. "I honestly didn't take you to be the staying type."

That had to sting.

He knew he'd hurt her by leaving, so he deserved that. It wasn't enough to make his resolve waver.

"I am," he insisted. "It just takes me some time to find my footing."

She lifted a hand to him. "Don't go there, Gabe. Just don't - "

"I'm not walking away from you again, Alex," he professed.

She whirled to face him with a look of sullen resignation. "I know."

Deep down, she wanted him too. But not in the fucked-up state she was in. She needed to think, she needed to recover, she needed to get a grip on herself.

But she needed to do it alone.

"I can't deal with us now, it's just.." She sighed. "Everything else that's happened is too overwhelming."

Gabe deflated.

It was the first time he heard her admit defeat. He's gotten used to seeing her fighting every step of the way, that finding her in this state of hopelessness felt alien to him. His chest tightened, hating himself on taking part of what pushed her to breaking point.

"I need to take a step back from everything, Gabe," she said, almost begging. "That includes you."

"What do you mean?"

"Can I to take some time off?" she pleaded, wrapping herself in her own arms. "I have to hit pause for now."

"For how long, Alex?" Gabe's voice was strained. She just made it clear that he wasn't what she needed.

Still he hoped. So he held his breath.

Alex thought quietly for a few moments, before looking back at him in determination. He found a semblance of the Alex he knew.

"A couple of weeks," she answered with a tone of finality.

He didn't want to. But in his heart of hearts, he had to respect her decision. He understood that even the strongest needed to heal. Even the brave Alex Keating.

"I'll arrange it," he relented, closing his fists at his sides to stop himself from reaching out to her. "Anything else?"

She hesitated, biting her lower lip before she continued. "Actually, there is one more thing."

"What is it?" Gabe watched intently as she raised her head to look at him, her mouth curved into that familiar signature smirk that he'd grown to chase after.

"Will you wait for me?"

As per her usual modus operandi, Alex took his breath away by her unpredictability. Almost immediately, Gabe wrapped his arm around her to pull her close. He raised his free hand and let his knuckles brush against her cheek.

He smiled softly, a tad afraid that by holding her this close could break her. And yet, the effect she had on him couldn't be stopped from spilling out, as if it was what he wanted to say all along.

"I've waited my whole life for you, so what's a few more weeks?"

Alex beamed at him, relieved. "I knew you'll be up for the challenge."

"Because I care about you, Alex," he whispered.

"I care about you too."

Alex then dared to take it forward.

Before he had the chance to move away, she tiptoed and surprised him with a tender kiss on the cheek.

Gabe wasn't able to react as quickly, the contact catapulting his senses. Just as his mind plunged back to the ground, she was already walking away, the clicking of her black heels syncopating along with the beating drum inside his chest.

His sight followed her until she stood by herself in the employee elevator, her brown-eyed gaze melting him with earnest affection. As the doors shut closed, so did the heart of Gabriel Ricci.

It shut down in anticipation of her return.

**

Two months later

Mind hazy and craving for Chinese food, Gabe had asked the driver to take a quick detour.

He had just flown from Los Angeles, spending two weeks to assist on a big hotel chain M&A. He got out of LaGuardia at around 10pm, and now his jet lag and empty stomach were taking its toll on him.

The car stopped at the familiar block, and he got out of the vehicle, grabbing his suitcase. He walked the rest of the way, enjoying the craziness of New York City on a Friday night.

For a minute, it reminded him of her.

He heard rumors of her coming back, but HR had been heftily secretive on all things concerning her. With the firm fidgety over Vanderweil's recent harassment lawsuits, he erred on the safe side and didn't poke further.

It didn't take long for him to find Hoi On. Once inside, he greeted the servers in flawless Cantonese, striding straight to the counter.

As he gave his order, the kitchen crew brought out a bag of hunger-inducing takeout box. He was almost tempted to bargain for it instead of waiting for another 20 minutes. Until...

"Order complete for Alex!"

Gabe froze.

His senses were instantly filled by the familiar scent of coffee and vanilla and the echoing beat of heels hitting the floor.

There was no doubt about who was approaching the counter.

He found her standing beside him, the woman he'd missed every single day since he saw her last. The powerhouse junior partner with the easy smile and confident aura.

The woman whose return Gabe eagerly waited for.

"So," Alex began. "I take it tinsel town's fusion of cuisines can't match authentic Brooklyn takeout?" she teased, smiling at him in the same red dress she wore the first time she walked into his office.

He looked down over her - closely looking at the tiny changes in her features. Regardless, she looked more beautiful, taking note of the longer, loose tendrils of brunette hair framing her face.

"No," Gabe shook his head in amazement, his lips breaking into a lopsided grin. "Everything else couldn't compare."

She chuckled. The radiance of her laughter showed Gabe she was really back, and that she was finally ready.

"I bet they couldn't," she winked.

In an instant, Gabe's heart awoke from its slumber. It's as if it knew that this time, the wait was over.

The chase has come full circle.

Author's Notes: This may be the end of this series, but Alex & Gabe will return.

How did you find it? Let me see in your comments/reblogs! Thank you! 💖

Tag list: @adiehardfan @pixelnutrookie @starryjieun @latinagiraffe @sarcastic01lily  @spookycolorpeanut @ophrookie @suitfer @thegreentwin @mkatschoicesblog @made-of-roses @lillijill @kachrisberry @weaving-in-words @peonierose @wanderingamongthewildflowers

@choicesficwriterscreations @lawsofattractionfanfiction

[dfroza]

A Facebook memory from february 10 of ‘11 of a scene in ‘09 as my point-of-view from Apt. #1710 on 7th street in Tulsa, Oklahoma:

[Don Rozanski]

downtown drops

February 10, 2011 • Facebook

A photographic memory from february 10 beginning in ‘11 with a cap from a bottle of coconut water i picked up at Whole Foods in Pasadena

fast-forward to ‘15 on Plainfield avenue with a view of a treasure box now fully contained in my Rome luggage that holds an Elated bottle of sand from the dunes of silver lake near great lake michigan where i took a walk in early march of 2010 along with a piece of driftwood i found on the beach of lake michigan around that time that i carved a heart upon its surface skin

and these are a few of my Facebook memories from ‘10 to ‘13 beginning with a time when i would drive my former Saturn Vue around west michigan taking pictures, drinking coffee and typing poetry:

served a press of coffee with a 2 ounce espresso cup - had to fill it 10 times - interesting

•

open.mic.music.poetry.coffee.

February 10, 2010 • Facebook

seeing the funny in things is important--the lighter side helps us to better fly

•

life is so not perfect, yet it's perfectly alive

•

paint your deepest frown with a suspended smile, then fly it like a kite and see where it leads

February 10, 2011 • Facebook

no matter what exists (of the past)

because we are each flawed, (imperfect)

we must simply learn to let go of things (and embrace now)

but also embrace, the (memories)

instead of allowing them to haunt

for i have seen in life (that sometimes tears & brokenness is the only thing that melts the wicked witch that lives on the inside of each of us)

and we need to learn to let her go (and embrace love)

•

being yourself (in the simplicity of kindness)

is probably the simplest lesson we all need to learn (childlike eyes work best for this)

•

there have been people in my life (who have tried to make me afraid)

and do you know what? i am so completely over it

so much so, that the wind & i covered it up, with a blank page

and why? because that is not what real friends do (no matter what)

because i am open to love, and to simply existing (as myself)

and right now, that is all i am going to be

because when i take a look up at the stars (i notice that they are never afraid, because like i've said before, fear does not exist in love, and it never will)

and that’s the real me, here tonight (just chilled)

for if we have to be fake with each other (after the blank last page)

then i am not interested… (at all)

and so now, dear friends, please do not be what you are not, and if you have something to say about someone, then why be fake, talking about them behind their backs, when you can simply speak with them directly?

dang people, (just chill)

and be yourselves (for a change)

and don’t be so hard on each other (we all make stupid mistakes, and need a ton of grace, especially forgiveness)

boy oh boy…

okay & okay now, let’s just chill and listen to some music, and be happy

(for a change)

February 10, 2013 • Facebook