#I've literally hated everything I've created this month (including this)

[jays-therapist]

femslash feb, day 4: doomed by the narrative

[demonslayerunhinged]

Unhinged rant >:(

Demon Slayer fandom discourse

I want to start this by saying, I know that Demon Slayer isn't an explicitly queer manga/anime because Shōnen Jump, but I believe that Demon Slayer is for the queers and has lots of themes that we can identify with like love, acceptance, loss, guilt and strength.

Despite what these stupid, smelly, ignorant, power-scaling, non-ass-washing, Cheetos-dust-snorting, once-a-month-showering, dude-bros would have you believe, Demon Slayer isn't just another battle Shōnen anime/manga, it's a love story and about the perseverance of the human spirit and if that doesn't speak to the queer experience then I don't know what does.

Plus, I don't know how Gotogue-sensei is as a person, but I think the fact that she managed to make one of the kindest mcs in shōnen speaks volumes about her disposition. I don't think she would be one to reject queer fans identifying with her story so well.

In these recent times, it seems like everything is going to shit, the world is slowly regressing into the dark ages destroying decades of progress and trying to distract ourselves from all this by engaging with the fandoms we love is hard because everything seems to cater to cis, straight, white men.

To be honest, I created this blog mostly out of spite, but I also wanted to carve out a tiny space for myself where I can talk out of my ass and not have some decrepit reddit dude bro go all 'well, ackshually ☝🤓' on me, and I'm happy to have met so many like-minded people.

So, I've compiled a list of answers to the common types of nonsense drivel these fuckers post in response to shipping and queer discussions and theories about Demon Slayer. You can copy and paste whenever and wherever you encounter these black holes of ignorance and stupidity if you want.

In the Taisho era, there were no gay/queer people: This is one of the dumbest statements I've ever heard, and the fact that it's a really common response really shows how we've failed as a society. Queer people have existed for ages all over the world, Japan has an extensive queer history. Demon Slayer is based on samurai culture and samurai culture was really, really, really, really, really, really, really gay. Sure, it had rigid roles, but that doesn't make it any less queer. A quick Google search would go a long way to nourish that dried-out, shrivelled husk you call a brain. Go read a book you walking condom ad, your parents and education system have obviously failed you.

It's forcing sexuality into the story: We literally had a whole season dedicated to the mcs going to the 'entertainment district', we have a sexy man with three wives who talks about 'loving' them all equally, we have the abundant male fanservice, one of the mcs talks about women on the daily, we have a boy who eats demons and is horny shy around girls all the time, we have his brother who exposes his tits because he's proud of them, we have a demon who was essentially a sexual predator that targeted 16-year-old girls and ate them, the main villain shape-shifts into a woman to 'get' information as a Geisha, we have a girl who literally lusts after almost everyone she meets but yea no lets not force sexuality into it 🙄.

I don't care: Okay cool, but I value your opinion as much as I value the shit I took this morning.

It's who they are as a character that matters: Sexuality is a part of a person's character. Your sexuality defines your experiences, decisions, options and outlook on life. That's why you as a straight man can be so ignorant.

It's forced*(I really hate this one): Honestly, fuck you. Why is it that you only think something is forced when it doesn't revolve around you and your experiences? You guys are fine with tons of anime/manga that sexualize women and girls to an insane degree even when it doesn't make sense, but that doesn't stop you from consuming and glazing the hell out of the authors, but when we talk about including queer characters suddenly it's forced? Your existence is forced, and you can just eat shit.

I don't like it: Who the fuck do you think you are dictating how other people consume and interpret the media they consume? How about you go hump your smelly, cum-encrusted anime body pillow.

Men can be touchy/emotional with each other without it being gay, it's just our western standards: No it isn't the majority of shipping activities and works come from Japan, which wouldn't happen if it was just part of their culture. We're not stupid, we know men and boys can be friends without it being sexual, and we know when a friendship is just that, and then we know when two guys are straight up pining for one another.

It's not canon/the mangaka didn't explicitly state it: They can't because of Shōnen Jump, so a lot of them pass off information about a character through subtext, metaphors and allegories. They also don't have to, things don't have to outright stated or 'canon' for them to make sense and if you need them to be so for you to understand or enjoy the story then a moment of silence for your head since it's without a brain.

It's not common: Despite Shōnen Jump, there are lots of mainstream anime/manga that have queer characters: One Punch Man, Hunter x Hunter, Dr. Stone, Windbreaker, Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, Naruto, Gintama, Dragon Ball Z, My Hero Academia, Fairy Tail, One Piece, Attack on Titan, Tokyo Ghoul, Jujutsu Kaisen, Chainsaw Man, Blue Period and that's not to talk of the ones with queer subtext like I dunno ALL Sports anime/manga to ever exist!

Why do you look for LGBTQ in everything?: It might be hard for straights to understand but growing up queer and looking for a connection causes us to develop what we call a gaydar that helps us identify characteristics, mannerisms, features and vibes from a person that screams 'ONE OF US! ONE OF US!'. It's only natural, and our gaydar doesn't suddenly turn off when we're consuming media, especially when it's media that we love and hold dear to our hearts. It doesn't matter if the mangaka inserted these characteristics intentionally or not, that doesn't stop us from picking up on them, and why should it?

Shipping is stupid: So is power-scaling, but that doesn't stop you assholes from making thousands of posts, creating YouTube channels and sharing content about it and cramming it down our throats. It's even worse because it's from grown-ass men.

The characters have no chemistry/they hate each other: A lot of queer ships have more chemistry, history, interactions, personality and development than a lot of 'canon' straight couples. It's literally a trope in media that all a man and a woman need to be in a relationship is to be in close proximity to each other, then their relationship goes on to be drier than salted crackers in silicone packets scattered in the Sahara desert. Well, I guess you can't blame the creators, you write what you know after all.

I know this is a lot and I know how angry I sound right now, but I'm so sick and so tired of all these guys who are as useful to the human race as pieces of freshly shat out dog turds that have been thrown in the grass by the sidewalk in a hot summer afternoon, who can't see past their lice-infested neck beards trying to make something as colorful, interesting, joyful and queer as anime and the fandoms fit their own boring, stupid and misogynistic worldview.

In Conclusion, Demon Slayer is amazing, horny* and unbelievably queer.

*I'm talking about the male fanservice btw :)

[felassan]

Snippets. 🐺💜

Corinne Busche celebrates 5 years at BioWare! [source]

Devs Michelle Flamm and Gabe Graziani: "feels weird that 'the last game informer cover game is a game I worked on' is a thing I can say now" / "And all of the exclusive coverage we did with them is just... gone." [source, two]

Jon Renish: "It's just a coincidence but, the last cover for Game Informer is 'Dragon Age: The Veilguard', the last printed Prima strategy guide was 'Anthem'." [source]

John Epler: "christ. seeing game informer shutting down is awful. seeing them shut down literally three months after spending time with them is fucking me up. hope everyone lands on their feet. unbelievable." [source]

Jay Ingram (on GI): "Oh my gosh. It was always so exciting to see what the cover story of a month would be, and then even more so as a dev when you showcase games I've been privileged to work on. This is so sad. Thank you for everything. I wish you all the best. Truly the end of an era" [source]

Derek Wilks: "Seriously hate to see Game Informer go. They’ve been my go to for years. Always loved their magazines. They will be greatly missed. It’s a bittersweet honor to have our game as their last cover story. Wish they could have continued forever. 💔" [source]

User: "Will Briala make another appearance in the future (not necessarily in Veilguard)?" Trick Weekes: "Anyone who didn’t die onscreen could potentially show up again someday." [source]

[Here] is the link to costume builder Ladytoxie's SDCC V-log! Ladytoxie was invited to the DA:TV@SDCC Fandom party, at which they cosplayed Bellara. In the vlog, they discuss their Bellara cosplay, the process of creating it, their experience going by the BioWare booth at SDCC, and their Fandom party experience with the devs. The vlog also includes a bonus short interview with the devs from SDCC. In the vlog you can see that, along with the dragon screenshot, an alternative option for the background of the DA:TV photo booth pic was this tavern screenshot that we've seen. Ladytoxie also mentioned in the vlog that it's clear how much love and work the devs have put into the game [source]

^ The devs talked a bit about DA/the game & characters in the bonus interview. I'm not 100% sure if I heard all these details right, so apologies/correct me if I misheard, missed or misunderstood any of it (listening to the original source first-hand is of course always most advisable!!), but it sounded like: Corinne Busche feels most connected to Maevaris Tilani. Corinne Busche loves the qunari and would cosplay as Taash, as she loves the scale, armor and Rivaini gold. Her favorite companion is Emmrich. John Epler would cosplay as Lucanis, calling him so stylish and suave. It sounded like he said he wrote Bellara and a few other characters. Ashley Barlow would cosplay as Neve, saying that she has [awesome] dialogue, quick wit and is sassy. Parrish Ley would cosplay as Davrin. He said that Davrin has some awesome armor pieces, with the hands and feet being lots of interlocking pieces of metal. Parrish Ley is a big face and hands animator, so when he's animating Davrin's armor, his hands and feet get a lot of focus, so that he looks great in any pose from any angle. [source] <- Check out the vlog here!

User: "bioware, it is now the second of august." Dev Jess: "Soon 😄" [source] User: "On my knees groveling for more information on Taash" Jess: "soon :)" [source]

User: "Coming back to say Thank you so very much for Veilguard! Coming back to Thedas feels like Home!!". Derek Wilks: "It’s absolutely our pleasure. We’ve truly made something that we love, and hope you all love it too. 🧡" [source]

User on Fenris in DA2: "coolest character introduction ever". Derek Wilks: "So far 😊" [source]

[pomefioredove]

so yesterday I theorized that the fae in twst could be french, possibly breton inspiration, and was mercifully corrected by @tresgansosenunabrigo who actually knows things about french folklore unlike meee

we had a really good talk, which breathed life into a thought of mine about Briar Valley being parallel to ancient Irish mythology, that I had brushed off as insane months ago

some of the following is an old essay that I wrote, that I now find very very... um, incomplete at best, incorrect at worst. I've done my best to put out something more accurate, relevant, and interesting

but, for the sake of this essay: this is only for speculative purposes in the context of fiction. I am only drawing small parallels, and this is not a theory. I am not a teacher. I am not claiming to know everything. I'm just some guy who reads

a brief forward:

my credentials are "religious studies major" and not much else. I am not Irish, nor am I pagan, and my knowledge/study in Irish mythology is very secondary to Catholicism. I have been close to and spoken to a handful of experts within the field but am not one myself.

furthermore, I look to old/historical sources for knowledge, and reject eclectic and appropriative wiccan ideas. this has been a seven year long labor of love, but I'm still not perfect, and continue to sift through my sources every day. The misinformation that eclectics have created about Irish mythology have made way into books, into articles, into common belief, so it is, in fact very difficult not to internalize misinformation. I'm trying </3

and I am begging anyone in this field to correct any mistakes I make.

additionally I've only read a little bit of book 7 so I may be totally crazy. this is just a speculative piece, after all.

a glossary of knowledge:

for the purpose of this essay, I may use "fae" as an umbrella term, which includes pixies, medieval French fae, the aos sí, and the Tuatha de Danann*

*please note that the Tuatha de were gods in their original sources, but were changed to fairies, other supernatural beings, and occasionally kings in later Catholicized retellings.

I will be focusing most on ancient beliefs, with vague mentions of medieval/post-Catholicism ones. Catholicism is extremely important in the context of these stories, as it was the Catholic monks who preserved them in written form, and it's quite literally impossible not to mention. it's had a huge influence.

etc.

when talking about folklore, mythology, or religion, it's literally impossible to draw definite lines. it's why I hate when people say "well this religion stole this thing!" because religions intermingle, they share, they swap, they sometimes even meld with each other into something unique. ever-changing and different and the same. the Romans adopted their beliefs from the Greeks, and they shared gods with the Gauls, and then Christianity used the image of Jupiter as God. a big part of being a history major is understanding how to draw connections between cultures and peoples.

Admittedly, I am not familiar with the French idea of fae. I know that it is medieval. post-Christianity. it's a fairly loose term that denotes a "magical woman, skilled with words, herbs and stones" (via Wikipedia) and not much else. this is relevant to the Sleeping Beauty story, in which all the fairies are women. Maleficent's guards are not fairies, but ghouls (is that the right word?). I couldn't tell you the exact origin of French fairies, but it's not far-fetched to say they could have had "Celtic"* influence

*in reference to more than one culture in this context. scottish, manx, welsh, irish, etc

It is, perhaps, more important to add that French fairies are romantic figures in nature. very... fairy-tale esque. characters such as the fairy godmother and the good fairies in Perrault's version of Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty are good examples of this.

TWST fae... are... a little different. obviously. while it may be easy to simply argue that "it's twisted, so they're darker" or "Briar Valley is based off Maleficent's domain so of course it's dark", it's implied (and shown!) that good entities come from Briar Valley, too. pixies exist in TWST, for example. then there are the good fairies from Sleeping Beauty, which have to exist alongside Maleficent in the canon of TWST. The fae here are layered, much more so than in their sources.

This is where I start seeing shit.

war, weapons, and invasion

When speculating on the influence of French folklore in Briar Valley, I was told that "war" is a rather uncommon thing in their stories. Invasion is, of course, an imperative theme in Briar Valley history, in Lilia's background, and in book 7 as a whole. So. I get thinking.

The war between the fae and the humans carries significant parallels to the war between the Tuatha de Danann and the humans in the Lebor Gabála Érenn, the Book of Invasions, wherein the "fae" and the humans warred over land and resources until the former were driven out of Ireland and the humans became the ancestors of the modern Irish. And by "parallels" I mean this exact thing happens. THE EXACT THING. The Book of Invasions was literally the first thing I thought about when in Lilia's dream.

War is, of course, a recurring theme in Irish mythology. Ná Morríghan is associated with war, there's that entire book of invasions, like, anything about Cú Chulainn, etc.

I also, very quickly, want to draw a comparison between Lilia's magearm and the four treasures of the Tuatha de Danann, which are described in literature such as the Lebor Gabála and Cath Maige Tuired (iirc). magical weaponry is a fairly common motif in various Celtic mythologies. in Irish mythology, it's the Spear of Lugh, and various swords, clubs, etc. The magearm just struck the same chord for me.

nature

I fear this is about to get very ~ohooo magical pagan connection to nature!~ please bear with me.

The mythology of Ireland is very, very, very tied to the land. You can still see this today, actually. Various natural formations- hills, islands, etc- have mythological names. Much like Olympus in Greek mythology, places mentioned in Irish mythological sources have real-world counterparts, such as Tech Duinn, the House of the Dead, being Bull Rock- a tiny island off the coast of Cork (cool post about that and the ancient Irish belief in death here). Trees had important religious, cultural, and linguistic (see: Ogham) connotations. Many of the Tuatha de had animalistic attributes and associations, such as Morríghan and crows. Even more were associated with fertility and agriculture, which was kind of a big deal. Symbols that which represent fertility, are rather common motifs (such as the Lia Fáil on the Hill of Tara, which I've read is theorized to be phallic).

That's not even mentioning the oceans, the cliffs, the forests, or the sidhe (a "fairy mounds", manmade or natural features that connect our world to the otherworld of Irish mythology).

At multiple points in Lilia's dream do we hear the fae talk about how important nature is to fae. I am unsure if this strong love for land is a theme in French folklore.

I also want to briefly point out that, in reputable sources, the "Celtic" day began at sunset. Darkness- night, winter, cold- were important to the ancient Irish, both in culture and in mythology. It's probable that their "New Year" began at Samhain (soh-wen), the holiday that celebrated the beginning of winter, to put it briefly. Here's a discussion post about this (and I sent this ask!!!!)

I just find the significance of darkness and night to hold some ground with the concept of "nocturnal fae" in TWST. "Night's blessing's", they say.

form

I also want to add, very quickly, that there are multiple different iterations of "fairies" in Irish mythology and folklore. The Tuatha de resemble humans. The modern aos sí are more mystical. The Fomorians (whom are or are not fairies, depending on who you ask?) are described as more animalistic and monstrous. The nature of fae in TWST is unclear, but they read, to me, as human-like with different abilities, different physical attributes, and a different connection to land and nature. Which is, in form, similar enough to the "fae" of Irish (and other Celtic) folklore.

Lilia

Head in hands. Shall we talk about the importance of the paternal figure in Irish mythology. I feel I have to.

I really really hate saying the word "fertility" so much because I start sounding like a Wiccan, I promise I'm going somewhere with this.

In the Nature segment, I briefly touched on the importance of fertility and the phallic symbol. I know that usually, when talking about ~fertility~ in reference to paganism, people are talking women/goddesses, but throughout my readings of Irish mythology, I've found that male fertility is just as important. More specifically, fatherhood. I, unfortunately, couldn't find much input on this, but I think it's safe to say that The Dagda, for example, is considered an important father figure and is associated with fatherhood.

It's just important.

Head in hands again. Now let's talk about fostering. Fosterage was, by most sources, a really big thing in ancient Ireland. Raising someone else's child, including that of your enemy, was not only acceptable, not only common, but traditional. And the themes of fosterage exist in the mythos, too- in Tóraigheacht Dhiarmada agus Ghráinne, the demi-god Diarmuid was fostered by Aengus Og. Aengus Og was also fostered. Fosterage is a theme in Cú Chulainn's story, so on and so forth. The gods/fae/etc foster humans, they foster demi-gods, they foster other gods.

I wanted to mention both of these as important themes in both Irish mythology and Lilia's story because like. come onnn lol.

And One More Thing!!!

This isn't super relevant to this essay, I just like to bring it up: Lilia is vampiric? Well, there's vampires in Irish folklore (or close enough, anyway. the link gives a few different versions of the story and their origins). Some think that Abhartach was actually the true inspiration behind Bram Stoker's Dracula. I don't know how much credibility this theory has, I've read a few essays on it. I just think this is fun.

Silver

Much of what I said in Lilia could be said here, too. All I really want to bring up is the symbolism of acorns. I've mentioned that certain trees had mythological connections, and the oak tree was. Um. A big one. It's a recurring theme, past, and present. Even the "Celtic Tree of Life" is an oak. I don't know, it's just important.

I could also draw some pretty stark comparisons between the story of Fionn mac Cumhaill, a heroic figure in Irish Mythology, and Silver, but that would be a bit much.

Sebek

Half-god and half-human heroes, fae, whatever etc are very much present and important in Irish mythology. That's all I can think of for now.

Malleus

I suppose I could, if I tried very hard, find something to say about Malleus, but this is where the ~medieval Europe~ starts to seep in. I am unaware of any dragons or dragonlike creatures in Irish, or other Celtic, myth.

Nobility is, however, a major theme in Irish mythology. There are many rules, there are laws, there are gods and goddesses of sovereignty, it's huge, and sort of parallels Diasomnia's structure, in a strange way. I'd need to know how their housewarden is chosen, lmao.

conclusion

Do I think the TWST writers have an intimate knowledge of ancient Irish mythology and are purposefully making allusions to drive me insane specifically? no. obviously not. is it possible that these myths have influenced the general idea of fae, and thus were included in the writing process unconsciously? yes. absolutely!

Ultimately, this is more of a thought exercise and an analysis than a theory. Take it as you will.

so on and so forth.

[dayseternal-blog]

i'm sorry but the nh fandom is not united at all anymore, there's a bunch of creators who simply do not care to participate in events and other fans don't support their works anymore. like this is day 3 of naruhina month and there's only ONE writer posting fanfics and i'm probably the only person leaving comments. the fandom is more worried about arguing with others on twitter, instead of supporting their creators and that's why people are leaving or not interested in giving away their time and work to people who don't care. the current naruhina fandom is terrible, we used to be very united and supportive, but now there's nothing to look foward to but fights and petty arguments.

Who are you? You're on Twitter? Then you must know how hard those Indonesian mods on Twitter went this year? They went full-out, they were not playing around. I have no idea how they facilitated everything. LED ads????🤯 Food distribution???😭 A fanzine??? You realize, right, that we haven't had a fanzine since like 2017.

They've been planning and promoting the fanzine on Twitter since at the latest May. They reached out to include work from fans all around the world. Including me because as usual, I was oblivious to Twitter. I WORKED on "With You" for months, at least since July. The mods gave us detailed criteria, a very specific theme 😅, and deadlines. They were SO organized. Writers and artists had to submit wips, like check-ins EVERY month. The mod was so responsible and DM'ed me every month with reminders to keep me on top of things. If we couldn't make their deadlines, we had to ask for extensions. If we couldn't meet their expectations, we couldn't be published. (The best part was I got to see everyone's wips in the shared folder 🤭). It was WORK, though, and for you to come in MY inbox saying all this, it's so disrespectful to all of us who participated in or organized this month's events.

You're literally telling me, a creator, who personally saw how much effort we all put in to celebrate The Last, that our fandom is terrible, all we do is argue, and we don't participate in events...💀.

Reiterating what Opal said before, my only advice is to...get away from the negative circle you've found yourself in, block the dramatic people, and pay attention to all the people making the NaruHina fandom awesome. All the writers, artists, and bloggers I have relationships with here are wonderful, supportive people. I support them, and they support me. We don't character bash or get into ship wars or criticize each other's work. I hate that you're saying all this to me like all these awesome, talented people I know and have created alongside with for years now are not a part of the fandom. That the readers who've followed and supported my works for years are not a part of the fandom. And your experience is the only true side of fandom? I've been writing NaruHina fanfics for something like 7 years, and I've NEVER seen this much mind-blowing dedicated energy. I didn't even mention all the other incredible work the fans have shown in the past week. And it's only been a week!!!!

What year are you even comparing all this to? There's been arguments in Naruto fandom since forever. Super popular writers and artists have left or taken breaks from the fandom to live their own lives since forever. So I don't know what Perfect Golden Age of NaruHina Fandom you're referring to. Take a look at that 2017 fanzine, and you'll see that none of those participants are really active anymore. All we can do is appreciate the spirit of the naruhina fandom that has persisted to today.

[intheorangebedroom]

Hi Maddie! I hope you are having a wonderful September and you are enjoying the start of autumn. This might sound obsessed or weird, but PTMY and TYBTM are seriously some of my favorite things I've ever read... ever, like I'm putting it up there with novels I've read. It is insane to me how much talent there is in this fandom. Like the Pedro girlies are literal authors, putting out works of art. For me, you are the best of the best! Obviously, both stories have me very hot and bothered lol, but it's just the way you write intimacy and relationships, the peculiarities of your characters and the world's they inhabit so brilliantly, beautifully. I'm sure you know that at times you write like it is poetry! It is so immersive and I love it deeply. My question (apologies in advance) is about writing. I was wondering if you have any tips on (a) how you have improved as a writer, like in terms of how you've been to find your style? (b) how to overcome perfectionism? I've been wanting to take a crack at some Frankie ideas I've had, but I get so weighed down by self doubt and inertia. And also, I worry it's just not original enough. Okay, sorry for the rant! I will never be as good as you OBVIOUSLY lol, but for you I am grateful. I'm so excited for the next part of TYBTM and sad we are almost halfway to the end. I'm so excited for whatever you have in store for the future. Sending you so much love and hope you're having a great day.

Hey Nonnie 🧡

I apologise in advance for the length of this answer. 

Your kindness, your generosity and your time mean everything to me. I’m the worst at expressing gratitude when I’m paid a compliment. "Compliment" doesn't cut it to qualify what you said about my stories, it’s too much, it’s so incredibly kind. You made me so soft but also so much stronger. Thank you 🧡 My first impulse upon reading your message was to throw away my phone and scream I’VE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK I’M DOING but I owe it to you to at least try to answer you. Also do you need some blood? A kidney? I have two. You name it it's yours.

I would like to start with the second part of your question, if you don’t mind. 

I have never ever thought any given piece I wrote to be perfect. At best, I think it’s not that bad, but that’s when I read it again a month after posting, because at the time I post it, it’s more like omfg if I read that shit one more time I’m gonna stab myself in the eye.” 

But life is too short for perfectionism. I’m sorry to be speaking like an old fart, but it is. You blink and it’s over. If you have a milligram of creativity in you, do not hesitate. Channel it. Create what you want, what you like. I’m serious. DO IT. Enjoy doing it. 

Self-doubt is a fucking bag of dicks. I’m riddled with it. In every corner of my existence. Every step of the way. Every word I type (not in my mother tongue…). How many times have I wanted to give up, especially during PTMY. The current tybtm chapter has fucking killed me dead. I hate it. It’s not good. Bad. But I’m forty fucking five years old and I’ll be damned if I let self-doubt and fear prevent me from achieving what I set out to do.

When I came back to tumblr in 2020, I saw numerous posts saying “you write for yourself first,” and I did not really understand what they meant. It’s nice to have an audience! It’s nice to be liked and validated! It’s nice to connect with people over something you’ve created. Musicians play live, and get a hell of a kick out of it, right? Why not us, writers? And one day, I think at the beginning of tybtm, it hit me. I understood. Fuck yeah I’m doing this for me. Because I need it. I need to tell this story. I need the satisfaction of having done it. The entire process makes me both incandescently happy and abysmally miserable, and you know what? That’s the fucking spice of life. I want both. I am alive when I write. Through the pleasure and the pain. So if you need it too, well, go for it. Don't let anyone, including you, tell you you're not good enough. Got for it.

There are 99% of chances that what you’re gonna write has already been written. So what? It hasn’t been written by you. No one sees people, life, or Frankie the way you do. Even if you write an age-old trope, even if you write the same trope over and over again in every story (me!), you’ll still bring your own precious singularity to the story, the characters, and the narration. That’s worth EVERYTHING. Please trust me. Maybe no one will like it. Maybe every one will like it. Whatever. At the end of the day, you still did what you set your heart on. I cannot stress enough how important this is. Carpe diem, baby.

Then, how did I improve as a writer, oh Nonnie, I’ve no idea. I don’t think I’m any good. I don’t think I am legitimate to give you any advice. 49.5% of the time, I think I’m too much (too gothic, too lyrical, too big with the feelings and emotions). 49.5% of the time, I think I’m not enough (not precise, concise, clear, good enough). But alright, I’ll try. For you. But please bear in mind I say all this in the most humble spirit.  

I write. All the time. In my head, in the shower, walking in the street, driving, aaaaaall the time. And then I type it down in a doc. And edit it and revise it again and again and again, until it feels smoother and/or I want to puke at the thought of having to go through it again. 

I try to take my time without panicking. If I’m stuck or in a bad mental place, I try to let it rest a bit.

My first year at uni, I studied screenplay writing. I would be unable to tell you precisely what I learned, but I think some of it is ingrained? In terms of conveying intentions through actions and dialogues (I know I tend to write pages and pages of introspection, and I swear I try to restrain myself, even if it doesn’t always translate to the doc).

Then, I’m an art vampire. I soak up everything I can, especially painting, music, and movies. I let it inspire me. I take notes on my feelings, fleeting emotions that I can’t articulate at first, and reflect and work on them until they become fully formed ideas I can inject in the writing. 

I read. A lot. And sometimes not at all when it feeds the self-doubt (comparison, you bitch!). I wait until I feel better, stronger. It may take time. 

With books/fanfics and movies, I analyse the narrative process employed. What I liked or disliked, what moved me, what didn’t. I take notes. To that effect, you can read reblogs of your favourite fics! Sometimes people reblog with some pretty neat analyses, just soak it up!

My obsession is finding the Right Word. I can spend days on the quest. A thesaurus helps. And sometimes it doesn’t. I also read my stuff out loud, because I like when it has a certain rhythm. And when the meaning of a sentence doesn’t work in a rhythm, I rework it tirelessly until it does. Fun times... 

I want to say that if you take the leap and start writing, after a while, you will feel instinctually what works for you. What feels right in terms of personal style. Maybe at the beginning you'll subconsciously write like someone else, but with practice and patience, your style will come out. If you need someone to cheer you on, I'm here.

Oh yeah because, very important, I whine to the very good angel friends in my phone whenever I’m stuck (they will recognise themselves if they read this)(okay they are @dreamymyrrh and @pedrit0-pascalit0). I forfeit all dignity and beg them for virtual hugs. I don't know what I did to deserve them.

And lastly, I have been privileged to witness the genius of Kelli ( @frannyzooey ) in the works and wow. She's it for me. Everything she writes resonates with me, so I just soak. it. up.  

So yeah. to sum it up: carpe diem and be a vampire 🦇

Hope that helps 🧡

I’m also gonna leave that here: 

Claire ( @just-here-for-the-moment ) is one of the best people I’ve been fortunate enough to meet here. She’s patient, sweet, kind, and SO FUCKING SMART. Don't be afraid to reach out.

Nonnie, again, I'm so sorry this is so long. I sincerely hope you'll find something useful in all this gibberish. If not, come back to my ask box with any question. And again, thank you 🧡 From the bottom of my broken vampire heart, thank you 🧡

[duckciferthecg]

Alright. This is going to be a long one, but I feel it needs to be said, so

Thank you.

You started this blog a little over a month ago. March 29th. That's it. In under 40 days, you have been able to conjure up a community unlike any I've seen. In under 40 days, you have sparked 20+ other Hazbin cg blogs, 10+ Helluva cg blogs, 10+ Helluva-verse cg blogs, and 15+ other fandom cg blogs. Those are just the ones on Charlie's list! Countless little blogs, including my own!

You have sparked a movement of people like me, too afraid of their regression to go out and show it proudly, to become indulgent in their regressions, have fun with it, and be comfortable in their own skins. Even amongst the anonymous hate, you have brought together a beautiful group of people who most likely never would have interacted with each other if you hadn't started this blog.

I always ignored the childish feelings I had, until I stumbled across your blog in early April. It made me realize I'm not alone, I'm not a creep, I'm not insane, I'm normal. That there are other people, who feel the same way I do, and that it isn't weird to express it, and, I'm going to be honest, I haven't felt this seen and happy in years. I'm finally learning how to be me again.

Lucifer, whatever your name is beyond the screen. Thank you. So much, for creating a space I and probably hundreds of others feel safe in.

@cloudscaregiverservice / @cloudsageregression / @lunaeclipse1057-ao3

Oh…

I-

Hold on-

Let me go cry real quick-/pos

I’m so happy to have helped to many people!

I honestly thought this blog would go no where and that it would just be something silly but it’s actually been super useful to not only others, but myself

I-

Helping other people is amazing and it’s literally my life’s goal (Irl I want to be a therapist) and knowing that I’m actually helping people is amazing!

You guys have helped me so much too

I’ve learned more about myself

I’ve re-established my main goal in life

Because of your guys’ love and support

I have people in my life that I’m not only friends with, but I am close with. I haven’t had such amazing people in my life before and it’s honestly been so amazing

Throughout everything, my inspiration for the next thing in life has shifted from floating around in the unknown to being able to help you guys

I love you all so so so much

So much more than you can possibly imagine

Thank you

❤️✨

[theartisticcrow]

Silly Game Time: If you were to become the patron deity of one specific aspect of the *natural* world, which aspect would you choose?

It could be as wide as the sky or as narrow as tide pools, as universal as clouds or as localized as one mountain, as alive as animals or as inanimate as rocks. All that matters is that it's of nature and that it feels right for you.

(Personally, I would chose to be the god of dusk, when the sun sets and day fades from the sky to give way to night's gentler moon and stars.)

I think I would be the deity of the northern lights, providing a bit of hope and joy in a part of the world so cold, so barren.

And if I were to be a deity of just anything, I think I would have something to do with knowledge or the correction of misinformation and injustice. Or perhaps I would have something to do with revolution, seeing as the French Revolution is something I take a large interest in and I did spend 11 days writing a 30 page essay about Maximilien Robespierre, explaining why he was not a dictator and why people think that (reactionary propaganda, mostly).

I am tired and feeling a little depressed with the current state of the world right now. Usually I'm optimistic and hopeful (what else can I do in my current position?) and I am quick to correct the idiocy of other people who think murdering innocent people in somehow justified (yes, I have had to deal with this. My strong sense of social justice that came free with the autism doesn't allow me to let it slide [lol that's pretty much how Robespierre died])... But today I just feel a bit sad. Thus why I'm answering this ask even though it is from so long ago. I think I meant to answer it but I forgot.

Of course, I did see a play literally about the holocaust earlier today, so it shouldn't be surprising that it had some effect on me. It was really well down and honestly had me close to tears at a couple points throughout the performance, which is saying something because I don't get that kind of emotional very easily.

If I could be a deity of anything, I think I'd like to be a deity of Hope.

But on a more positive and amusing side of things, look what I happened upon in the lighting booth today

Saw the little Robespierre cut out yesterday and couldn't help myself. Funniest thing is that I am factually correct, it's hardly even a joke at this point.

All that said and done, I'm probably going to lie down now. Hey, at least I have Friday off tomorrow so I finally get to take a break for the first time in over a week. I've got everything together for my best friend's birthday "party" on Saturday. It'll just be us too, he doesn't have any other close friends (his school kind of sucks and people suck). Plan I think is that we'll go bowling then head back to his place. He hates his birthday yet refuses to tell me why, but I'm determined to make it fun. I have an entire wooden chest full of gifts, plus a Bill Cipher poster that I created, since of course he's a big Gravity Falls fan and kind of turned me into on too.

I also am going to give him a few of my rubber rats, a nice cloak that I spent three days fixing up, a harmonica I found in my closet, some other random things including a traffic cone that I painstakingly managed to fit inside the box, and the Book of Bill, which I know he will be delighted to see. I'm not too worried about him seeing this despite him technically having a tumblr account. I think he's already forgotten about it anyways, so...

And then I've got some government exam or whatever on Monday that I'm required to complete if I want to ever graduate high school, but I'm not too worried about it. I am however super excited for November because my Drama teacher is offering to take anyone from my Drama class who's interested to go see a production of the Sweeney Todd musical, so I'll be seeing that next month.

Haven't really got much else going on aside from schoolwork and a slideshow presentation that I'm working on as a science project and already I have failed to take it seriously. The first slide starts out with the caption: ASTRONOMY TIMELINE "What's the worst that could happen" and then the next slide is the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs, and then one of the dinosaurs in the image is saying "yeah, I'm sure that's edible" which becomes their last words on a gravestone, so you know this is going to be a good presentation.

Also here's a photo I took of a pigeon while I was in Toronto last weekend.

Sorry but also not sorry if this comes off as weird in any way whatsoever. I've gone completely off topic in regards to the original question but honestly it's just a nice excuse to off about my life because writing my thoughts down always makes me feel better.

If you see this and take the time to read this through, I hope you're doing well and that you're safe and comfortable and I hope that you never have to worry about any terrible things because the world is a terrifying place. I hope you have a good day or night. I hope you're okay and you make sure to take care of yourself. I would be deeply saddened to hear if anything bad happened to you, even despite the fact that I hardly know you.

We're all just people trying to survive and make it through another day. We all have our own concerns and internal conflicts. We all possess our own feelings, whether others realise it or not. I don't care if I hardly know you, I still hope that you feel loved and appreciated.

[teaveetamer]

No hate here, I just want to point out that I think part of why Raxis keeps at it is because he's getting attention. I keep seeing several users talk about him and his actions, and as deplorable as they are, I think he isn't stopping in part because he knows people are talking about him and that he's getting attention. He's going well out of his way to anger people and entire communities if possible, so I think the best thing to do would be to ignore him. Giving him attention will keep him seeking out people to harass.

I know the Edelgard critical community is discussing what he's doing because it's so bad, but I suspect he's thriving on that attention because so many people are talking about him whenever he does something. If he did those things and never got responses from his targets or others who know those targets, I don't think he would keep coming back because he'd realize people are just ignoring him. When bullies see that their victims get upset, they keep doing it because they get a reaction. I think, for anyone who harasses other users, if they didn't get reactions that they would get bored and realize they're just wasting their time.

Don't get me wrong, I think these people are horrendous human beings who take advantage of the internet and how people don't know their real identity to be hateful and harmful to others, but I think the reactions they're getting every single time they do something to someone and how far it spreads within a community is exactly why they keep doing it.

Thank you for being so supportive of the people who are being attacked and are just trying to get away from this kind of thing. Imo I think everyone against the harassers should focus on giving positivity to the content the harassed are creating, like reblogging their art/ideas/fics/etc, and just not even giving the haters the time of day. Imo we should make the people they're hurting happy and give them support, and just ignore the shitty people.

Okay first off, "Edelgard Critical" is not a community, it's a search function. I know he likes to pretend like we're the Tumblr equivalent of r/Edelgard, but it's not a community. It is a search function that many users politely adhere to so people like raxy, who don't like seeing negative takes about Edelgard, can avoid negative takes about Edelgard. I cannot stress this enough. I do not know everyone (or even most people) who use the tag, nor would I have ever known the ones that I do if we didn't all go "hey... wait a minute... I think we're all being harassed by the same guy?"

Anyway anon, here's the problem with this whole "just ignore him!" tactic.

He started harassing Nilsh. We didn't say anything, and we all took the policy of just "ignore him and he'll go away". Many of us (including myself) even blocked him. Then he started spreading Nilsh's name to other social media sites. I'm not even kidding, I got linked to his blog numerous times on Reddit from people I've never even seen or spoken to before and told to go "read what an idiot this guy is". We all ignored raxy for months and if anything it just emboldened him to spread the harassment further and further until Nilsh couldn't take it anymore and quit social media altogether.

Then we thought, alright, maybe it's done now. And then Raxy started harassing Moonlit. And we didn't say anything. We all took the policy of just "ignore him and he'll go away". Then he started spreading Moonlit's name to other social media sites. People mocked their takes and sent hate to their inboxes and in their comments. They literally couldn't even mention Fodlan without getting dogpiled and accused of just awful things. We all ignored raxy for months and if anything it just emboldened him to spread the harassment further and further until Moonlit couldn't take it anymore and deleted everything. And then the stans took over their URL and bragged about what they'd done.

And in the meanwhile, everyone I regularly interact with at this point was getting constant harassing DMs or asks in their inboxes. Sometimes daily. Like, to the point where it was comically obvious that they were all coming from the same/similar people (if not raxy himself).

Then we all called him out on his shitty behavior. Lo and behold, after that his harassment subsided and the anons trickled down over time or stopped entirely.

Raxy starts up, he gets called out, he looks bad, he hides in his hole for a while longer until he thinks the pressure has died down.

Seeing the pattern yet? Ignoring him doesn't stop him, calling him out does.

He's certainly doing this for attention, but not from us. He wants clout from his fellow Edelstannies who feel like he's "doing something" by "knocking us down a peg". He's not discouraged by us ignoring him because that actually makes his clout chasing easier if we aren't saying anything back or defending ourselves from his harassment. It allows him to spread whatever false narrative he likes completely unimpeded, which creates a feedback loop where the harassment begins justifying itself completely independent of anything we do.

I don't think he actually likes getting attention from us. He wants all of us to shut up and stop looking at him so he can continue collecting clout for demonizing us just like he was before. I cannot stress this enough, none of this would be happening if he'd just left us all alone in the first place. We have opinions, they disagree with his, and that literally makes us deserving of psychological abuse in his mind. He's a grown ass man in his mid 30's throwing temper tantrums over the fact that some people on the internet disagree with him. It's ridiculous that I even have to talk about this at all, but, well, here we are.

[queerfox-tales]

* wandering thoughts rant related to what's happening with a certain wizard game out *

After so many posts made regarding the Harry Potter game coming out and how the person that created the series is harming the trans community, the game finally came out. I haven't seen myself many people talking about playing it but I have seen a couple and I'm not sure how to feel. A lot of people don't even realise that by buying the game, they're indirectly giving her money. One of the posts I saw was from such a person. I was surprised that they had gotten the game and made a comment. They thought that the creator only made money from the books. So now they know better but unfortunately the indirect support was still given. It's hard to hold it against them when they didn't understand the connection. Then I saw a post by someone defending themselves saying buying a game means nothing about sharing the same views. I commented and the person switched their argument to pretending they didn't know what they were supporting. *sarcasm* Ya, ok, obviously you're defending yourself for something you had no idea you did; totally makes sense. So that person clearly doesn't care and does support the creator to some degree.

Part of me wants to think about my society and how we're not taught the consequences of the companies/people we give our money to but mostly, when it comes down to it, people just don't care as long as something cost less or is cool. So my mind connects the situation to Disney and some of the political moves I've heard them making in the ... I can't remember if it was mainly Florida or U.S.A. but either way, they've been supporting legislation to harm the gay, and maybe even the whole queer, community.

I have a friend who's obsessed with Disney. I don't know if she knew about the Disney political stuff before I told her but she does now and hasn't stopped giving them money nor plans on stopping. It's confusing. I don't know how to feel.

The stuff I see on social media doesn't help. Half the people saying to stop supporting Disney one month are themselves raving about a new Disney show the next month. Plus there's the people, gay and not, giving Disney all this credit for finally admitting someone was gay in a movie or a show. Gay people are cheering on Disney and making them out to be a hero even though some are also fully aware of the political moves by them. It's so confusing. How am I supposed to be against everyone supporting Disney? It seems I'd have to hate like a majority of people, including gay people.

I still feel weird about the situation with my friend. It does hurt but I'm not sure if I want to end the friendship over it. Disney is a big part of her but mostly, and I know it's an excuse, I've just had so much worse in life. My mother is the kind of person who would force me into those conversion camps if she knew and had the money. I constantly have that over my head until I can be truly free from my parents. I haven't had friends who would physically harm me for any reason, especially being queer, but most have been abusive or just crappy. I'm down to 2 friends so letting another go isn't something I want to do but at the same time, ... I don't know. Back to the stuff before, what am I going to do? Stop talking to her for loving something sold by a company that she now knows financially supports hurting a group of people for being "different"? A company seemingly supported by half the gay community and given all the credit for gay representation as if no other show had ever done it or even tried?

Just thinking about it makes everything seem hopeless. The power and support that company has. And it won't ever go away. They're literally being supported by those they're destroying. I've even seen posts by gay people telling me to be thankful for what "Disney has done for us" "what they've given us". It's madness. The damn company is trying to remove their rights and they're bowing to the company and begging them to represent them more. Is this what society wants? To have some trait of theirs represented in popular cartoons even at the cost of their rights? This is their rights! Do people not understand or honestly not care? Media representation isn't going to do sh*t if it becomes illegal to do anything even perceived as gay in public or in one's own home again.

So ya, I'm just confused what to do. I still think it's wrong to knowingly support these companies and creators. It does say something about the person even if it's just that they don't care. But am I supposed to hate everyone that gives them money in some way? Everyone who chooses to beg Disney to add more queer characters or keep current queer shows rather than ask another big network to do it? You know, a network that hasn't been shown to financially support removing the rights of the same groups asking to be represented.

I feel like I'm fighting the group I want to defend. I've been in that position before in a much smaller context. It makes me want to just do nothing cuz I end up attacked by "both sides". I'm not strong enough to fight off both the ones hurting us and us. What am I supposed to do?

[stirdrawsandreblaws]

i'm trying to be objective about what he Has Done and Has Not Done. there are zero fucking blinders on me. i acknowledge, actively, that he is Enabling A Genocide. i've hated his guts for well over a decade now, and defending him makes me cough up blood.

now, before i run out of napkins to clean up with, pay attention and say it with me:

federally codifying roe v wade in the wake of the supreme court's supreme fuckery, and leaning on congress to fully restore it, is not Nothing

effectively killing the keystone xl pipeline, rejoining the paris climate accord and establishing a path to lower emissions which have, surprisingly, largely been followed through on is not Nothing

mandatory masking, fast-tracking vaccines, and stimulus checks that functionally created a demo for UBI during the early pandemic were not Nothing, and in fact saved potentially millions of lives

literally everything on here that amounted to Nothing or Close To Nothing was fought by republicans, because god forbid The Poors get relief or any guns get taken away from your average xtian ethnonationalist with an assault weapons fetish

outside the original list:

he revived the joy silk doctrine (and personally fired the NLRB's top counsel), resulting in a surge in union membership and power

his appointments include the FCC chair who restored the net neutrality we lost under trump, and a fuckton of judges and policymakers (more than 2/3 of which are women and poc, most of which lean progressive and will be shaping policy for decades to come).

he pushed for a universal insulin price cap of $35 per month and got it as part of the inflation reduction act (which also made green energy sources cheaper and more accessible and had a lot of other great shit bundled into it)

he pushed reforms on the way states handle welfare, preventing them from using TANF funds on projects like abstinence promotion and anti-abortion "clinics", or to fill budget holes in child protective services (that would be used to take the kids away from the parents who would have been better able to take care of said kids if given access to the fucking TANF funds)

he issued a federal pardon for marijuana-related convictions

he's introduced rules to combat disability discrimination

none of that is Nothing. we are actually seeing some of the absolute fucking best domestic policy we've had in my momma's entire lifetime (and, yes, it comes alongside disastrous foreign policy, which, i will note, has been par for the course since the iraq "war" started, if not earlier)

as for "slow progress propaganda"...

slow progression beats fast regression.

obviously most of us want more. we demand better via protest AND strategic voting AND community organizing AND getting personally involved in local, state, and global politics as much as possible

we're all mad and we're not letting his shit slide, but we're not letting misinfo slide either. maybe when you're over your baby tantrum bullshit, i'll hand you a brick and we can build something better together.

[rozinaaa]

Web Design Be Like...

Source: LaTeX Theme

I'm thinking about changing the theme of my blog, although literally no one will see it, because it's set to private, although I am thinking about making it public now that it's been 10 months since I graduated.

I do like my Vintage Mac theme, but on a closer inspection, it doesn't really seem that accessible, since the font can be hard to read, and the screen size isn't that responsive, especially now that I'm making the move into UX Design/Research, so usability is now a top priority, possibly moreso than aesthetics, because at the end of the day, I want things to just work, and for everything to be easily accessible, mainly to make my life easier.

Ironically, I do like the LaTeX theme itself since it's very minimal, so I probably might use it, especially since the blogs that I've read (and some of the digital gardens that I've explored) also adopt fairly minimal themes, to the point where the overall design is invisible, as it should be, and where I actually enjoy using those sites.

This bingo card is absolutely hilarious (and honestly, it's pulled me out of this layoff-induced depression a bit, so I'll give it that), but it serves as an important lesson in what not to do when it comes to UI/UX and web design (is anyone even a web designer nowadays, or is everyone just some variation of a UI/UX Designer?), especially for anyone who is obsessed with shoving ads into your face (local newspaper sites, I'm looking at you), and for the actual UI/UX Designers that seem to obsess more about providing a Hard Core Super Ultra Immersive Metaverse AR XR Apple Inspired Super HD Real Life Floating Objects NFT Website As An Art Object Rather Than An Actual Website With A Ridiculous Amount Of Storytelling And Parallax Scrolling Everywhere Made In Webflow type of websites, rather than making a simple site that is accessible to everyone, regardless of which device they're using and their current level of technical ability, since a few items on this card fall very easily into that category of overly designed websites (to the point where the design looks aesthetically pleasing, but gets in the way of what you actually need to do), as well as a few of those Neocities sites, which are either super minimal or have the most awful and inaccessible designs to ever exist.

Honestly, I hope that my portfolio site isn't like this, because if I'm planning on being a UX (User eXperience) person, the usability has to be in really good condition for me to be able to prove my point effectively.

With all of that, I think that this bingo card should be included in virtually every single web design and art class ever (and also in other classes, in fact, it should just be a mandatory module for literally everyone at this point), since it serves an extremely important lesson.

What's even more ironic, I thought that it was a good idea to create a business that focused on creating the most outlandish UI/UX designs for websites back in 2021, but thank goodness that didn't take off because I would have absolutely hated it by now.

Additionally, if I had a fiver for every time I've curated a site that fits this criteria for the curation front, I'd have a decent amount of income to last me for at least a year, because apparently, Internet Art and UI/UX Design seem to be mutually exclusive, although there is a small overlap between the two.

[inthelifeofab]

This life isn't what we created... this isn't the life I have always dreamed of. Our life was always supposed to include you. My life was always supposed to include you.. You weren't supposed to leave us behind. But you choose a life that doesn't include us. THIS can't be real life.... Right?

Am I just supposed to stop caring about you because you want nothing to do with us? Am I supposed to pretend I'm happy that you're not around? What am I supposed to do? I "we" have already told you how we felt and that got us nowhere, apparently. What else do you want from us? Our lives are NOT better without you in it. We miss you so much. I miss you so much. I'm starting to resent your dad for not fighting to bring you back home to us. Why don't we get a second chance to make things right? Why don't you ever reach out to us? How can you go from being such a big part of our lives to completely shutting us out?

Not sure if you just totally resent me for wanting to have my own biological kids. But you have always known we wanted to add to our family. And we thought you always wanted siblings. Us wanting to add to our family didn't mean we loved you any less. It didn't mean you were being replaced. It took us 10 years to get Alvey. Im just sorry it took us so long to add to our family. I have always dreamed of being a "mommy". My heart had been longing to be a fulltime parent and wanted to feel needed when you weren't there. The weeks you weren't with us were SOO incredibly hard on me. I counted down the days till you were back with us. I hated doing things that we were supposed to be doing as a family. I hated making your favorite foods, i hated being home and you weren't there. I hated doing anything that was supposed to involve your kids and you weren't there. I missed you so much when you were at your mother's. I miss you so much more now. I wish so much that you would just reach out and say you would like a relationship with us again. I don't just want you back in my like... i NEED you back in my life.

After we lost our baby in 2018. I hit a really deep dark depression.. i hate everything and everyone, i hated life... execpt you, you kept me sane. Every day after surgery you were right by my side, holding my hand and laying your head on my arm. YOU helped me through it. I felt we got even closer than we already were. 2021 I finally felt healed enough to want to try for another. And I wanted you to be involved during the whole process. AND let me just say I never wanted you to feel left out of anything. I wanted to include you in everything.. i literally dictated when we had Alvey based off when we had you. I wanted you there. WE were a family of 3 about to be a family of 4. Like i said before.. i hated leaving you out when you were at your mothers. And even now you haven't lived with us in over 6 months and I still hate leaving you out. Because you are our daughter and it just doesn't make sense for us to share a "family" photo and you not be in it.

"You grew in my heart, not in my belly" Your tattoo means more to me than you will ever know. I have always dreamed of having twinboys and a little girl. Alvey was chosen by me.. solely because i HAD my girl. I didn't want another girl to take away the love I had for you and the beautiful bond we had created. I wanted our girl days.. to stay OUR girls days.. they were very special to me. But never in my life did I dream of having to share my daughter with another woman or that i would be a bonus mom to my daughter. And i especially never thought I could love another womans kid. But I have loved you since the moment you walked into my life. I have cared for you as if you were my own for so long. I've kissed boos, wiped tears, picked you up when you were down, taugh you life lessons, been your shoulder to cry on, your ear to vent to, your hand to hold, your lap to cuddle, your biggest fan, and I have always been there for you and i still am... I'm here just waiting for you to come back into our lives.... longer than just a few moments.. but I'll always be there for you. I'm literally a call away... doesn't matter day or night. i will answer your call. I will be there for you always. No matter where we are in life. Doesn't matter if we havent talked in months... If you ever need anything at all ever... just call me and I will be there. No questions asked.

[skaldish]

I'll level with y'all on this—I've been focusing on my store a lot because I'm trying to find an additional source of income in the face of disability.

To the shock of no one, I'm a web designer by trade. My background lies in writing and art. It's not lost on me how much I can do with my skillset...but there's also not a lot I can do outside of it.

A few years ago, I started developing chronic soft tissue damage in my dominant hand due to daily computer-work for my job. This, combined with my rapidly-declining mental health due to the pandemic, forced me to move from full-time to contract with my current employer so I wouldn't completely destroy my body or my mind.

I'm blessed that I live in a state that with quality state health insurance. My living expenses are extremely low and I don't need to make a whole lot to squeak by.

However, I now live with a permanent physical limitation, which limits what I can do on a day-to-day basis. Because of this, I've started to look into setting up long-term investments. This includes literal economic investments like stocks and bonds, but also in projects that will sort of just...semi-run themselves after I put in the work needed to get them going.

Given my skillset, e-commerce is perfect for this.

Let me tell you all a little secret. Setting upon an online store and selling things is stupidly, ridiculously easy. It's even more ludicrously easy when you know how to use what I call "rich people tools"—the kind of online marketing solutions wholeass companies use to advertise and grow.

These tools run like a well-oiled machine. Everything about them is about minimizing effort while maximizing profit. Most so-called "social media," like twitter, facebook, and pinterest? They all integrate with these tools seamlessly, because the true purpose of these websites is to be marketing platforms for business owners, so they can deliver their ads directly to people's eyeballs in environments where their guards are down.

It's actually pretty fucking disgusting.

(I've always hated advertisements and the culture that surrounded them. It's why I don't try to push products too heavily here even though I know I can queue up a million reblogs for them. Knowing what I know now just makes me hate it all even more.)

But anyway, for the last month or so, I've been thrown into an ethical dilemma. I don't want to, and never wanted to, monetize Skald's Keep. Its purpose is to be a free website that competes against the monetization and commercialization of Heathenry.

But it's also supposed to be a trustworthy website. By having a store that clearly sells a plethora of direct-to-consumer products, it looks like I have ulterior motivations, and that's not what I'd call trustworthy.

And yet, I need a livelihood, and e-commerce is the strongest play I've got.

Fortunately, I think I figured out my own problem just by hashing things out here—I need to start my own business separate from Skald's Keep. An entirely different website altogether that's clearly just a store, one I can market to hell and back with the disgusting tools capitalism built for itself without sacrificing my intentions for Skald's Keep.

As for the current Skald's Keep store? I think it would be a BALLER idea to turn it into a hub for indie pagan publications—a place to feature all the devotionals, guides, and workbooks I see so many people here make but don't have one place to put 'em.

It would be stupidly easy too. The product entries can link off to whatever platform you're hosting your book on; lulu, amazon, etc. All you'll have to do is give me the link to your book, the image of the book cover, and the paragraph description, and I'll plug it all in. That way, I can showcase the work of the community without necessarily needing to "recommend" it for educational reasons. You'd basically just take advantage of my high-ranking results on google.

It will also create a library where people can easily find non-Folkish stuff, which takes money away from them and puts it in the hands of the average pagan.

Yes, I think this is the plan y'all. We will have our cake and eat it too.

Thanks for being such a great audience and for putting up with my hair-brained shenanigans as I was working through this. <3

[better-wcrps]

WCRP Staff Despise Their Players

This may be a controversial one. As always, take this with a grain of salt-- I'm pointing out common themes I've noticed and it may be difficult to hear. As someone who has witnessed the interactions and discussions of mod teams and staff of various roleplays– from forums, to Skype, to Discord, and more– I notice often times the staff of a WCRP looks on their community with bitter distaste and worn exhaustion.

Of course, before we get too far there are most certainly lovely and earnest staff teams who still love what they do, their community, and even can find appreciation for the fandom as a whole. I have met some incredible, passionate people. They run roleplays that are genuine love letters to themes and stories they want to tell, solving problems with communication and ease. They plan ahead, design the community they want, and evolve the space they create as needed.

However, it’s been some time since I’ve seen a staff team I’ve interacted with refer to their community in a kind way. To staff, players become ‘freaks’ and ‘weirdos’ who act ‘crazy.’ Perhaps there are cases where this is warranted, after all, dangerous people roam in all communities– this is a fact of the Internet as opposed to an issue with WCRP.

Often times, though, after any minor issue words like that get thrown around. It is the exact kind of detached disgust that makes those same people try to dismiss real issues because it's 'just a warrior cats roleplay.' When a player makes a mistake, staff will proceed to talk about them behind their back beyond a normal manner. Staff chats become spaces for gossip where members are identified as problems and irrelevant experiences with other members or other roleplays are brought up. The WCRP staff I have seen are too often gluttons for gossip.

They are tired of modding, wish they had never started the roleplays they have, and resent the players who expect them to be kind and considerate. I have seen players make earnest pleas for patience on behalf of the mods, some basic consideration– only to be snubbed and then talked about for quite literal years in private mod chats. I have seen in extremely recent times requests for accessibility or accommodations be laughed about and ignored instead of addressed, behind the scenes these mods laugh about why these players can’t be ‘normal’ which is both extremely upsetting and personally hurtful to people who need accommodations. I’ve seen staff who actively choose to ignore or not interact with certain players. I’ve seen staff who make no effort to help players who feel ignored and scorned by the community these very staff have built. You probably have run into these issues with staff teams yourself, I most certainly have. I don't believe these staff teams are inherently bad people, usually they're so burnt out or bitter that they have built incredible and damaging distance between the very real people in their communities.

Many, many times this is because these staff teams did not implement basic rules or abide by extremely basic professionalism when managing or beginning their roleplays. They hate the monster they built by letting players get away with absolutely anything. Rules should serve as the guideline for the roleplay you want, setting clear boundaries before it even becomes a question. The sheer amount of roleplays with staff that admit outright they had no idea what rules to implement or had to include basic rules far later than they should have is staggering. A good roleplay should change and grow as needed, yes. You should not, however, be laying basic boundaries with a community months or even years into the creation of it.

In regards to professionalism, things are rarely handled with grace or kindness. There’s many times an underlying or quite apparent tone– staff will lose their temper with you. Discussions lack mediators. Moderation is lacking. A staff team should be keeping track of everything you can. Find a bot that maintains logs of edits and changes, record everything, keep organized. To keep records of everything is basic– it protects both you and your players.

And I say this with such deep emphasis, you should never do anything you hate. If you as a roleplay runner or mod team member feel tethered to your community, stressed out beyond belief, and you gain zero joy from it, please step down or make foundational changes. Close the roleplay, pass it on to someone who has passion for it. Or reexamine how you approach things and find the joy again, whatever it takes. It’s not fair to your players for you to view them with cynicism, as someone you owe your time and energy to rather than friends or players to provide a fun space for. It’s not fair to you to torture yourself and pour all this time and energy into something you truly despise.

I see often as well that these staff members are here only to roleplay with their friends, or fellow mods. You will see the same groups of people across a variety of roleplays, the same mindset, the same approach to modding. This is extremely deeply rooted and regardless of platform. If you have had an issue in one roleplay, you risk having the same issue in another given how close knit the community is– how common these mistakes are. In fact, you probably have had the same issue in another roleplay.

To any staff reading this, take a look at your roleplay. How you feel about it. If there is something good still there, if you still love your roleplay and the potential– I urge you to please take a look at how you talk about your players. How much you talk about them, what words you use to describe them. Are you brushing off basic requests? Are you finding yourself bitter or picking out only specific members to roleplay with? Does checking notifications for it fill you with utter dread? That’s not normal. Something needs to change.

Before you even think about beginning a roleplay, it is essential you do your research into others that work, draw on your past experiences, and prepare prepare prepare. Part of the purpose of this blog is to give you some idea of what things need to be in place before you do so, and I hope it can be of some help. I understand this may be difficult to hear, but I know I'm not the only one whose noticed these things and again I hope by bringing it up openly we can improve as a whole.

[sasquapossum]

Supporting Journalism

I'm very ambivalent about online newspapers etc. constantly trying to get me to subscribe. On the one hand I do want to support the people who actually do the work to bring us news. Yes, real journalists do still exist, and care about the truth, and work hard. I do think that's worth paying for.

On the other hand, I've long felt like the major online newspapers have dropped the ball on creating a common payment platform. They've had decades to put something like that together. I don't even care if it's subscription based or per-article with micro-transactions. Just put something - anything! - together so that people like me who want to pay can do so easily, smoothly, without dozens of passwords to deal with and dozens of possibilities for credit-card details to get stolen when the all-too-frequent compromises happen.

Then on top of that they're so fucking greedy. The standard subscription amount seems to be US$10/month, "discounted" down to half that. Well, I'm sorry, but I read articles from a lot of sources. Even if I narrowed it down to a dozen at half price, that's still $60/month. Yes, I can afford it. Yes, it's still too damn much ... especially when the content I'm willing to pay for is commingled with content I very much am not. By contrast, the artists and such I support on Patreon mostly ask for just two to five dollars per month - more value (and more consistency) for less money. The newspapers and magazines are worse than the proliferation of video-streaming companies, supposedly replacing cable but in aggregate costing even more.

Between those two reasons, I've generally supported only a very few outlets that have a consistently high output of stuff that meets journalistic standards. Currently the list includes Washington Post (even though they also publish stuff that's truly execrable), New Yorker, and Atlantic. I should probably add Guardian, and maybe Vanity Fair. Who ever knew that Vanity Fair would be near the top of the heap? Rolling Stone and Cracked are also good more often than you might think, and that's flat out amazing. There are also local-news aggregators such as Patch and Wicked Local that seem worth supporting to keep that part of the business alive.

On the flip side, I have to give a special giant fuck you to two publications in particular. The first is New York Times. Why? Glad you asked. Two reasons mainly.

They have a strong and clearly self-interest-based hatred of anything tech, because tech has eaten their lunch. Part of me gets that, and might even accept it if it stayed on the opinion pages, but it constantly affects their so-called news as well.

They are the absolute worst when it comes to exaggerating anything negative about Democrats and minimizing anything negative about Republicans. They don't generally seem to hate leftist, liberal, progressives, or whatever. Just the Democrat party. Somebody once said that the only way their behavior makes sense is if you realize that they (and many other papers) just hate Democrats, and it's true. For whatever reason, they must want Democrats to lose. To that end they provide all the ammo the splitters and quitters need to fuck up the 2022 and 2024 elections. Again. We can't afford that.

Then there's the absolutely putrid Wall Street Journal. They actually do seem to hate everything to the left of Bill Koch or Sheldon Adelson, so in a way they're more honest than NYT ... but still, keep it on the opinion page. WSJ's characteristic failing is that even their "news" organization is egregiously, aggressively slanted. They're nothing but propaganda. BTW likewise for Forbes, Bloomberg, and practically anything else with a financial focus. Being too close to the finance industry simply corrupts people, which is neither an original observation nor one worth pursuing here except to say that it makes it literally impossible for a finance-focused publication to be a trustworthy news source. Like NYT (and their puppet Boston Globe), WSJ will never get any money from me. No how, no way.

So, there you have it: less than ten newspapers or magazines worth supporting, out of hundreds or perhaps thousands. The bad ones are more numerous (and more profoundly awful) than any that are at all good. Don't tell me podcasts or other online sources are any better BTW; the ratio there seems exactly the same. That's why I support only a few sites, use an array of browser extensions to strip paywalls from most others, and use archive.is for the remainder. If magazines and newspapers want my money, they need to earn it and few do.