#I've gotten better over time but I'm still a big chicken

[space-blue]

You should watch the other moves before prey tbh you're confused lol

I do what I want, thank you very much.

[guardevoir]

Fiber Arts Update Time!

Oh boy, where did I leave off last time?

OH, RIGHT.

Fine Merino yarn has been plied

(I figured out how to cross-thread yarn while plying so I can use the hooks on both sides of the flyer; I can still only get maybe 40g of plied yarn onto this tiny bobbin, but that's still better than 30g, barely)

(I deliberately over-plied this quite a bit! I figured with how soft the singles were, I had some leeway until things got too ropey, and that worked out pretty well)

and wet-finished

(by fulling; five minutes of hot water, five minutes of cold water, aggressive thwacking. This yarn has to be sturdy when it's done!)

And the end result is amazing

Best yarn I've made so far, hands-down. Springy, squishy, incredibly soft, but substantial and sturdy. I'll have to make a batch for myself at some point, too.

Next step: the dye pot! Once I stop being a chicken about it, anyway.

Also, remember this stuff?

My amazing crocheting friend (for whom I'm also making the white merino yarn) has gotten around to turning that stuff into a shawl!

This isn't technically the first wearable made of handspun that I have - I also made one single fingerless glove months ago, as a test - but it's still beyond exciting to see such a big project fully finished.

Next project: more purple glitter merino, for a headband for my mom.

Also, found a prospective Tour de Fleece project: pride flag colored merino for a Pride Flag Virus Shawl. Crochet friend is on board, all that's missing is the fibers and some math.

[rigelmejo]

So I haven't posted in a while. Little updates:

I finished arc 1 of Guardian in chinese again. So now I wont feel bad reading the book 1 english translation.

I took a break from chinese for a while then came back to read. And its interesting to me how much is stored like "2nd level down" in my memory. I don't recall words when trying to talk, after a long enough break. But I start reading, and my brain subvocalizes the hanzi and I can recall this Gist General Meaning of the words. Some words I recall their meaning and all, some just an overall general idea. But I havent forgotten much, nothing totally forgotten, and then most of the details of words come back within an hour or reading. Its surprising to me that reading chinese, memory wise, seems a LOT like reading french. I didnt expect it to be quite as similar a process. But it seems that remembering hanzi Words is as permanent as remembering french word stems/endings (or english ones). Reading skills have long staying power, and don't degrade much even with long breaks between usage. This is Excellent news. Since I don't have time to study much for the next several months, so I'm glad reading skills will stay as good as they are Or Improve if I read, without needing maintenance study. I'd like to improve my listening skill too, because being able to understand audiobooks would increase the chinese novels I could get through that I want to read (audiobooks would be faster than reading). But I dont have time yet for listening reading combo study, and time will tell if i do that activity WHEN and IF listening skills also gradually solidify then become reliable so one can study more sporadically and still see improvement.

My french skills are. Fascinating. I havent purposely studied in like over 5 years. I dont get that much French exposure (my google is in french but tbh google email and notifications do not use a big variety of words). But I've noticed a dramatic improvement in listening skills. My french reading skills have been fine for years. Theyre at a level where I can read like a high schooler: so i can read fiction for adults, but some words or literary devices go over my head and I have to just guess, the more in depth text analysis of themes might be a challenge, but just getting the story/information/most details is fine. I havent had to limit what i read in french in ages. Its just a matter of in french i feel like i did in high school where some fiction makes me "think hard" to grasp some points, versus english where i dont run into needing to Think Hard like that unless I'm reading something written pre-1800s. Anyway my point is: reading skills have been stable a while in french. Listening skills have markedly improved despite very little purposeful practice. I think I should probably start listening to podcasts or audiobooks some point soon. Through scattered listening to B1 and B2 comprehensible audio on youtube, and french shows, im to a point where if the audio has visual context i can follow everything going on and learn new words pretty easy. So now its just listening to french when i have no visuals to rely on, that's a struggle. I remember a few years back, i could not listen to french shows id just get confused, i needed the subtitles to follow anything. My ears mustve gotten used to french or just gotten used to Listening Better to things. Anyway, if i start trying and French Listening Only materials ill mention some progress.

Anyone have any french audiobooks or podcasts/fiction story podcasts they enjoy???

Japanese. also in a weird place. ToT. My biggest hurdle isnt even japanese: its being too chicken to challenge myself. I can play Yakuza Ishin in japanese and follow the main idea and objectives and main points in scenes. Yet i have NOT played more cause it feels Draining to grasp all that info from context and im lazy. I know if i watch a show in only japanese, with japanese subtitles, i know enough to grasp the main plot. But im lazy and its a LOT of effort to see the japanese subtitles and match new sounding words with kanji and try to remember the new pronunciation AND pay attention to the brand new plot. So i fall back onto english subs. I KNOW i can read japanese novels with a click dictionary, its just such SLOW reading, and if i just read while listening and Guess all unknown words its mentally exhausting even though its faster. I even have the easy peasy Glossika Japanese audio to listen to, but im still on lesson 36 because i have to Pay Full Attention when i listen to new lessons and im too lazy to listen with full attention ToT. I can watch lets plays in japanese, i understand them, but the effort of focusing is so much MORE than it would take if i just went to watch an english lets play where i can just hear in the background and follow it fine not even looking at it.

I am at a POINT in japanese where I CAN just learn by doing now! Which is huge! Its an incredibly useful milestone to be at! And makes future study, in the long run, much less daunting to plan as it can become just Do Stuff In Japanese to study. But since im at the beginning of this Comprehend Enough to Learn More from Context phase... learning new stuff from context still takes SO MUCH EFFORT. ITS SO DRAINING. Paying enough attention to comprehend things ive studied is exhausting, paying extra attention to new stuff and guessing what it means is draining and requires a Lot of focus. I know this is just how this stage goes but. Im so lazy.

What i need is something in japanese im SO interested in, that it drives me to engage with it even though I'm drained because im so Curious and Interested in understanding, so i push through until comprehending gets easier. Ideally, a game or show, something that plays so i am Forced to frequently proceed to the next sentence. Because with books and manga i will just stop and dwell on a paragraph for 2 hours and not learn much new stuff.

This stage is especially grating because im not in the stage with french or chinese anymore. I can listen to chinese shows in the background, check my phone while listening, not use the chinese subtitles, pay half attention while drawing. Chinese audiobooks require More attention, but i can listen to them walking or driving without subtitles/transcript and still follow the plot. With french Im to that same comfortable point with shows and youtube videos, not audio only stuff yet but i dont Engage with french audio only stuff. My point is Japanese is the only one where Im really feeling that INTENSE FOCUS drain whenever i try to engage with challenging new stuff in japanese. I dont feel an intense drain with chinese unless I read one of my harder reading level Print Novels or a higher vocab audio only material. I dont feel it with french unless Im doing it with audio only material. I feel the drain constantly with japanese.

[becomingkatie]

Saturday morning at 10am I was stomping around like "the weekend is half over and I haven't gotten anything done yet!" Clearly I was feeling more than a little stressed about maximizing the weekend, lol.

Saturday morning I baked a loaf that I'd mixed up Thursday night and shaped and popped in the fridge Friday morning. It's got fish peppers from my garden and cheddar cheese in it - a nod to a jalapeno cheddar loaf, but I didn't have jalapenos. The fish peppers are SPICY. Like, I cut a slice of bread and my hands tingle and then I scrub them with soap and then if I rub my eyes it still burns them. Soooo, maybe not the best? If you've ever wanted to sweat and cough from eating spicy bread, I have succeeded in making the spicy loaf for you.

Saturday night I made marry me chicken gnocchi soup. I'd say it's medium. Good enough to happily eat the leftovers of, but probably not so tasty that I'll make it again. Well, I say that, but Ken has been saying, "Next time I think I'd (insert small change here)" so I think he actually really enjoyed it and might want it again. Anyway, it's gone well with a slice of toast on the side.

We had a big finances talk Saturday, too, since even over 2 years of marriage the only joint finances we have is a credit card I got where he's an authorized user so we can have a "joint" card. We're going to be moving to a fully (or at least mostly) joined approach (with some separate savings and investments) so we are getting ready for that.

Sunday morning I was in a MUCH better mood and we went for an "easy" gravel ride where I cried on the side of the road and nearly puked in someone's driveway because it was such a challenge. I haven't been riding much, and I haven't been challenging myself much either. Combine that with having covid a few weeks ago, and it was a shock to me how hard this ride was. Ken signed us up for a "mini" 25-mile gravel ride in about 6 weeks, so I have some work to do to make that an enjoyable experience and not a sufferfest. I've done a 40-mile gravel grinder ride a few times and loved it - it just makes me really sad to be in such worse shape now than I used to be. At least I genuinely enjoy cycling so the climb back to where I want to be is something I can have fun with.

After the ride we got bagel sandwiches in the town near the start/stop point. Mine had sausage, egg, cheese, and apple butter. I'm a sweet+savory gal so it was AMAZING. And then we showered and I napped on the living room floor for half a football game. ("Ken, can you put on the football channel so I can take a nap?") After dinner I made a blueberry muffin recipe that uses sourdough discard. I'd been meaning to make them for ages and finally had discard in the fridge and time to whip them up. It said to divide into 12 muffins... I am not sure that was the right move. But they taste great.

It's going to be a busy week. Plenty of work, a vet neurologist appointment for Theo, both individual and couple's therapy on Tuesday (I hate double-therapy days ugh), and trying to stay up late and push hard to finish editing this book so I can publish it before the end of the month. This weekend we want to bike again, and I want to do some training stationary bike workouts during the week, and we also both need to make sure we have clothes (or, more likely, get some clothes) for the two October weddings we have coming up. So I am Stressed but it'll be a good time if I can manage to enjoy myself through all the busy. And people add kids on top of this??? Howwww???

[lantur]

random notes,

I have been going all in on self-improvement/enrichment lately. It feels so good to have new goals to strive toward now that "write a novel" is complete. I have a 4-week streak on Dreaming Spanish videos and Duolingo, and I'm so happy that my comprehension of beginner-level Spanish videos is getting better. I'm also making good progress on my travel journal/scrapbooking project, and I'm back to reading social work textbooks.

The combination of homemade tea lattes and before-work workouts is still doing wonders for my mood. My running has gotten SO much better (free of pain and soreness!) since I started lower body strengthening in August. I wish I had known sooner that all my aches and pains were caused by weakness.

I had a fun weekend. My friend Steve came over for dinner on Friday, and I haven't seen him in months. Derek and I had a big extended family pre-Christmas party on Saturday, and we got to hang out with our favorite cousins. On Sunday night, a couple of my friends and I got Chinese takeout and spend the rest of the night sitting and chatting around the dinner table, and it was so cozy. :) Other highlights include a Sunday afternoon nap, a Saturday morning swim and sauna session, and plenty of cuddles with Westin.

Food/cooking thoughts: I roasted chicken legs earlier this month. I saved the sauce left over in the pan - a mix of the fat from the chicken drumsticks and the soy sauce + hot honey + garlic and ginger marinade. That combination of the chicken fat and gingery marinade has been AMAZING to flavor up my sautéed kale. I saved the bacon fat from the zuppa toscana I made on Friday night, and I'm excited to use that on my vegetables next.

It's not snowing here and it hasn't been too cold, compared to what it's usually like in winter. So far, I've dodged the seasonal depression bullet, for the first time in several years. :) This is also my first winter on the correct dose of antidepressants, and I know that must be helping a lot.

[catrasredemption-moved]

Fanfic Etiquette Sunday

Oh man okay, let's rock and roll y'all.

So my friend got... well, this ask, and answered it honestly.

tl;dr the question: Just say you don't want unsolicited criticism, you're asking for it if you post in a public forum tl;dr the answer: lol that's not how this works tl;dr the replies: Your viewpoint is toxic and you need a thicker skin and to grow up and just accept it, you're driving readers away

Okay. Okay. Let's start with

"just say you don't want unsolicited criticism, you're asking for it if you post in an open forum"-

No, posting in an open forum does not automatically mean I want criticism. This isn't a Creative Writing class, it's the Internet, where we share things with each other because we want to, not because we have to. Do you also criticize every meme? Every cute animal pictures? Do I need to start putting a disclaimer on my shitposts that I don't want feedback on whether or not they're cracky enough?

Fanfiction. Is. A. Hobby. People aren't out here sharing their work for free just to hear about all the ways you don't like it. If I think something I've written needs criticism, I'm going to ask the people close to me, who I trust to be honest with their opinions, how I can fix it. I am not going to trust randomusername69420 who thinks I've written the entire story wrong and presents their own version of it and says I should write that instead. And yes, I've gotten that before. I've had readers "challenge" me to write something I have no interest in. News flash, y'all aren't my writing teachers. I'm here to write, not to be graded on my work.

If you're someone who likes unsolicited crit? Cool, go crazy, you do you, boo. But I promise there are more creators out there who don't want it than those who do. Especially first time writers who are still trying to find their style. It's demoralizing. Which leads into the next point:

"You need a thicker skin"

I personally am made of stone. I actively participated in the Tumblr Superwholock saga. I've been to k**l myself for daring to enjoy something someone else doesn't. There's (almost) nothing you can say that would actively piss me off or offend me.

However. Being made of stone doesn't mean I can't recognize and acknowledge when someone is being rude. And you know what? It's valid for people to be upset when they work hard on something only to hear: "Well, here are eight things you could have done better."

I've been told before that I've "missed opportunities" in my stories. To me, that's vaguely annoying at best. I wrote the story I wanted to write. There's no such thing as "missed opportunities" - that's an idea you can take and write it.

But a new writer hearing something like that? It could be absolutely devastating. Here are they are trying to share something the world, only to be told they could have done it better. That can absolutely kill creativity. Which leads into the next point...

you're driving readers away

And you're driving writers away. I know people who just straight up abandoned their stories because of unsolicited criticism. They don't want it, they didn't need it, and they shouldn't have to say "Hey maybe don't crap all over this thing I've spent days or weeks working on."

Imagine if you spent all day cooking a big family meal, and when everyone tried it all they said was, "Well the chicken was dry, the potatoes weren't mashed enough, the green beans were kind of limp and soggy." Did you ask for that criticism by presenting your meal to an open forum (the family table)? Should you have said, "Hey maybe be nice and don't insult every little thing you see wrong with this"? You're not a professional chef, you already know that, and so does your family. Are you going to cook for them again knowing that's their attitude toward you? Personally, I wouldn't. They can make their own damn meals if they're so good at it. I'll just keep cooking for me.

And finally...

"Your viewpoint is toxic."

No, it's setting boundaries. It's saying, "I put a lot of energy into this thing I've written (or maybe I wrote it in five minutes, who knows), and I kind of just want people to be nice to me because validation is cool." And validation is cool! Everybody needs it. Everybody thrives on it. There's nothing wrong with that. Imagine going through your entire life without anyone ever saying one good thing about you, just pointing out all the things you did wrong. Your chicken is too dry, your parallel parking is a bit crooked, your line art is shaky, you missed a spot when you were cleaning the kitchen counter, you missed an opportunity while writing your story. That's exhausting. Nobody wants to live like that. Maybe instead of assuming criticism is the default response, you should look at the person and go "I don't know their life, maybe they just need some kindness."

And if you really don't like something someone's written? Go write it yourself. Fanfiction is a free market, there's absolutely nothing stopping you from writing and sharing your own stories. You're not helping anything by offering criticism to someone who doesn't want it and could potentially be put off by it.

[pudgewizard]

Day 20!

Buffet

I wrote a story about me and my partner going to a buffet. She's labeled GF to protect her privacy. Lemme know what you think! Enjoy~❤️

----

Not even the sound of the radio could drown out Zach's belly. It had been rumbling the whole way to the buffet, shaking around in ravenous hunger. Zach had tried to muffle his snarling belly, but it was of no use, as GF could easily hear it, radio or not.

"Settle down in there, big boy." GF patted Zach's tummy. "We're almost there."

"I'm afraid there's no taming the hungry beast within." Zach flirted. "Once it gets going, it doesn't stop."

Zach couldn't keep up the flirtatious act for long though, as a low, trickling gurgle turned his face a deep shade of red. GF chuckled as she smiled at him.

Finally, they've arrived at the buffet. GF parked the car, and ruffled Zach's hair.

"Let's get you fed, cutie."

-

The buffet was a melting pot of almost every meal you can imagine. There was chicken, turkey, burgers, fries, pizza, dumplings, pasta, anything you could imagine, it was there.

Zach had to hug his belly tightly to prevent it from shaking in excitement.

"I'm getting the pizza first." GF said, grabbing a few slices to start off with. "What're you gonna get?"

"Gosh, I don't even know." Zach gazed longingly at the food before him. "Can you choose for me?"

"You already know the answer to that, baby! Let's get some chicken in you."

So the couple made their way to their booth with their first round of food. GF bit into her pizza and her eyes closed in pure bliss. Zach sunk his teeth into the chicken leg, and tore at it. Before they took a second bite, he looked over and noticed ranch on the table. Ecstatic, he drizzled ranch on the rest of his chicken, and began to munch at it some more.

About three rounds had passed. After their first meal, they had burgers and fries. Then after that, they had hills of succulent dumplings.

"Oof," GF rubbed her stomach as she sighed. "I might take a breather. How about you, babe?"

She didn't even need to ask. Zach was already eyeing the fettuccine alfredo.

"I'm still a little *URP*...hungry."

Zach blushed as their belch interrupted them.

"Excuse me.."

"You're always excused, silly." GF chuckled as she blushed too. "Here, don't get up, I'll get it for you."

So GF got the pasta for Zach, loaded with cheese, and sauce that was seasoned with the perfect amount of garlic and butter.

As they got back, GF had an idea.

"Can I feed you, honey?" She asked, blushing.

"I thought you'd never ask." Zach smiled, rubbing his plump middle.

The pasta tasted delicious. The creaminess of the sauce, along with the savory garlic sprinkled in there with a hint of lemon was almost orgasmic. But it was all the better being fed it all by his partner.

So then began a cycle. GF would get a plate of food, feed Zach, and repeat. Mac and cheese, mashed potatoes, steak, and even the desserts, like brownies, cake, cookies, and donuts. And before they even knew it, they had cleaned out the entire buffet of all their food. The employees were left in a state of shock. And with that, Zach was finally packed to the brim.

"You're so huge, babe." GF cooed as she rubbed the top part of Zach's belly, as the top part had folded over the table.

"Thank you." Zach purred. "I think it's *hic* time we head home."

"Agreed! Gotta rest after all the hard work you did stuffing yourself."

As GF began to walk to the exit, they noticed Zach wasn't following them.

"Honey?" Zach called. "I..I think I'm-"

"Stuck?" GF ran to his side, blushing.

"Y..yeah.." Zach whined. "Mmmph, what am I gonna do? I've never gotten stuck before.."

GF couldn't help but be flustered. The way he whined, the way his belly refused to let go of the table, his puppy dog eyes, it was all so cute.

"D..don't worry!" GF snapped out of her gazing. "Just grab my hand and I'll pull you out!"

"I'm too heavy but you can certainly try."

Zach grabbed her hand as she pulled with all her might. But it was almost no use. He was stuck in there real good. The employees watched in awe from a distance.

"Don't just stand there!" GF yelled to the employees. "Help us out here!"

The employees scattered frantically and grasped GF's other hand, as they all pulled. Finally, with one final pull, Zach slid out of the booth, and fell right on his plump ass.

"Babe!" GF rushed to him, worried. "Are you okay?" She could hear everything in his poor tummy thrash around nonstop. Wet blorps, trickling gurgles, uncomfortable groans.

Zach winced for a moment, and then..

*OOOOUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRP!*

"PHEW!" Zach sighed in relief. "I'm much better, sweetums."

"I'm so glad!" She hugged his voluptuous gut, as Zach hugged her back. They both laughed and kissed as they helped each other up, and walked out the door (thankfully not getting stuck again), leaving the employees, once again, speechless.

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I'm deeply ready for the days off I've planned for myself, including PRIDE night for me and wifey (and maybe some new clothes to go with? Neither of us have had a new outfit in over a year. I think maybe for wifey for sure, as her wardrobe always take harder and faster hits than mine does)

I've got a nice four day lil 4 day weekend, and a 3 day weekend to follow, so hopefully by the end of it, I will be feeling much better rested and will have gotten a few things handked around the house.

God and I have our anniversary to plan for next month already, and I'm still neck deep in initial planning for our tenth so I honestly don't even know what that's gonna look like. Maybe just a nice dinner at our favorite place? And maybe buying a new movie to watch together and cuddle. A nice jug of cider for me to spice up.

Lord I'm just tired all the time lmao, and I'm trying to get myself in order, but I'm just usually so busy or exhausted or we've run thru the paycheck for the week, or whatever the fuck.

We definitely need to buy and build the chicken run first thing during my long weekend, because it's almost butchering day for the waffles, and the ladies are almost big enough to deserve real exercise space (the hen house is huge lol, and until now genuinely has been big enough for them all to not need outdoor space at all). They can managw another week together in there with no consequences, but after that, they're gonna need their outdoor run.

I think I'll buy the berry bushes and the fencing supplies all in one go so I don't have to worry about coming back to it later and disrupting the ladies. Which really means I need to find a local nursery with native berry bushes, because I don't feel up to driving all the way down the mountain to Ream in the same weekend if I don't have to. I can save that trip for picking up our trees later in the sunmer.

Man, I really am looking forward to having the garden set up and the ladies grown enough to lay. Free fresh eggs are a huge relief on our budget, especially if we keep doing periodic waves of meat birds to keep cutting down our meat budget alongside it. I'm thinking probably 2-3 sets of meat birds per year, maybe a dozen each time? I'm never doing Cornish Rocks again tho, these little abominations are a disaster to raise. Literally every bird we lost (4 total) was a fuckin Waffle, and they always died for the stupidest reasons. One literally just ate too much and then passed out for a nap under the heat lamp until he got heat stroke because he didn't bother also hydrating???? The only other birds I've raised with this kind of mortality rate are fuckin great white turkeys and they drown in the goddamn rain. Apparently it's not just us either. If I'd taken the time to research more instead of trusting the meat and egg chick mix, I'd have seen all the other homesteaders online panicking about half their flock dying and meing warned by more experienced folks that Cornishes are really only viable for industrial scale farming that can reliably take those kinds of losses. In retrospect, now that I *do* know that, I'm almost proud we managed to keep 80% of our Waffles alive.

Point being, I'm never going through that again. There are plenty of heritage meat birds, and I'll be sticking with them please and thank you.

I've considered starting to do rabbit too? It would cut down on our pet food costs a fair bit, and then maybe I could co-graze themand the chickens in a tractor along the yard to manage overgrowth of ground cover. I'd prefer a goat obvi, but I don't think the council will let me have one, even if wifey would lmao. That's definitely a later thing tho. Gotta get the humans more sustainably fed before I can consider any new livestock lmao

I think the chicken run, the berry bushes, the first order of seeds, and a chest freezer are probably the major expenses this coming paycheck. We might be able to postpone the chest freezer? Our freezer isn't overly full at present, and I think could actually fit 20 processed Waffles if needed. We'll need one soon regardless tho, cuz it definitely won't fit the next butchering day product at that point, nor the frozen fruits, veggies, and easy preps we'll be starting to make over the summer. So if not this pay period, then the next one.

God, I guess that means I should prep all my orders so I can place them first thing on Friday when I get paid, and price out the batches. Ughhhh I'm so busy today, that's gonna be hard to make time for during my breaks, and after work it's dinner and eorzea time, plus probably some tidying.

Awww fuck i gotta bring in the washing too and maybe do another load.

Whatever. Point is, I'm gonna be busy for a while. Which is good. But also means I have less time to sit and think and write which does make me a lil sad. It's just until harvest season is through tho! Once everything is planted and plucked and canned and stored, I'll be back to having time for other things. I'm probably gonna prioritize my writing and my sewing thru the winter so I can be ready for fiber processing in spring and publishing season in summer/fall. I'll want to get back to the zine soon too, because I really do want to add in the documentation I've been building around appalachian riperians

Lordt

Someone needs to tell my brain to pick a goddamn lane. This is how I end up pulled in so many directions that nothing gets done lmao

[harmcityherald]

I haven't had anything to eat all day. And dinner is up on the table thanks to my Wonderful Daughter-in-law. Artemesia loves to cook But the older she gets the more she just cooks for fun. She no longer appreciates the work that has to go into feeding everyone. There are 7 of us. So perhaps I just need to eat something just like the snickers bar commercial and change this foul mood that I've gotten myself into Because I hear them playing across the street and once again they don't even bother to invite me or even talk to me . My brother may even be over there jamming with them. He does that often and won't even stop by and at least say hello. I really went off on him the other night He texted me Right after I had written Face book about how much pain I was in And he texted me right away right away Saying You know you might feel better but I had a headache for 4 days And I feel pretty bad. I told him well I'm dead. And he sees no problem in it whatsoever To come down here into the neighborhood and jam with the guy across the street and not even stop and say hello to me. I told him he should stop by and see me something because I don't have much time left Not that you even care. I told him to shut up and never tell me about a headache or a stomach ache or whatever hell else Ever again. So then he texted me back trying to be apologetic and tell him that he would come down soon as he was able to jam with me And I just don't see it happening. He is a right wing Little turd ball Who only cares about himself and can't see past his own nose. If I told him that I had pain medicine Boy he would break my door down trying to come and visit me... I've always held it against him how much of my mother's pain medicine he would steal from her when she was dealing with her breast cancer and dying. They don't wanna jam with me because I'm too esoteric , Too wrapped up in post punk And I actually Write My own songs. Which actually none of them do. They're 50 years old and still playing Metallica covers. God damned losers if you ask me. They suffer a big loss Not jamming with me Because I am the only artist among them. Of course that goes to our definition of art And I shouldn't be saying those things Because they're judgementall and I shouldn't judge other people's approach to music just because it's not the way I approach music Which is as a way of life As almost a spiritual genetic genetic makeup that I have....

I wouldn't feel like Playing any more Metallica or Megadeth covers anyway. I spent enough time doing that. The difference between me and them Is that they have not evolved Not 1 little bit. Music is about evolution. It's about exploring the world of sound. Music is a way of life And if you're in your 50s And you are still playing The same covers And not even writing your own music whatsoever, Then what the hell are you actually doing ? So maybe I should be happy that I'm not a part of that. Let me sit down and eat. I'm getting my self mad over nothing. That's what I get for living on coffee and cigars. Maybe these chicken thighs will change my mind, But I'm sure They won't be As good as artemesia's. Last night when she sent me out to the store To pick up a few odds and ends I bought 2 big bags of chicken wings And presented them to her Saying I certainly hope you can do duplicate that recipe because Here is everything you need my dear. But my daughter-in-law She has the job of cooking dinner for everyone in the house Everyday of the week And she does not do a bad job at all. I silently here and now sing her praises. A lot of times if it wasn't for her I wouldn't eat at all. Which for me and my stomach cancer is a major issue. Trying to gain weight. Trying not to be a skeleton. And right now I'm kind of a pissed off skeleton And I really can't put my finger on the reason why. But I am thinking that maybe if I eat something I will feel better so I am going to sit down right now and eat my dinner.

Bones apple teeth

~ciao

[bookish-artist]

Hi!

I just found your blog and loving it! Could you maybe answer all those questions since I'm new here? 🙏🏼

Well welcome! And of course I can, thank you for asking so nicely mon ami ❤️

1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?

Closed, always

2: Do you take the shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotel?

No my hair is picky

3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?

Um well they're tucked in at the end, not on the sides

4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before?

No not my vibe of decor

5: Do you like to use post-it notes?

Yes way too much tbh

6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?

No I'm not really a coupon user

7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?

Probably a bear. I feel like a single creature is easier to get away from than a swarm, if escape is plausible

8: Do you have freckles?

I do not

9: Do you always smile for pictures?

Yes

10: What is your biggest pet peeve?

Cutting me off/talking over me.

11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk?

No never

12: Have you ever peed in the woods?

Yes

13: What about pooped in the woods?

No

14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing?

Occasionally yes

15: Do you chew your pens and pencils?

I chew my pens *sometimes* but not my pencils

16: How many people have you slept with this week?

1

17: What size is your bed?

Queen

18: What is your song of the week?

Loud - The Home Team

19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink?

Of course!

20: Do you still watch cartoons?

Oh yeah

21: Whats your least favorite movie?

Talladega Nights, can't stand it

22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?

Probably on my family's land

23: If you’re a girl, bra size? If you’re a guy, pants size?

42DD

24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in?

Depends on the restaurant I get them from, different places have different favorites lol

25: What is your favorite food?

Mexican, specifically enchiladas

26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love?

Oh gods.. Pride and Prejudice, any of the Winnie the Pooh movies, old school Disney, Phantom of the Opera, there's just so so many lol

27: Last person you kissed/kissed you?

My fwb 😆

28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout?

Nope

29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?

Sure why not?

30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?

Hmm, probably in elementary school. We did that write a soldier program and that's the last vivid memory I have of writing a letter

31: Can you change the oil on a car?

Nope

32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket?

Yes

33: Ever ran out of gas?

No, I always have at least a quarter in there

34: Favorite kind of sandwich?

Turkey, cheese, lettuce, mayo, jalapenos

35: Best thing to eat for breakfast?

Sunny side up egg on an everything bagel with orange juice, maybe some bacon

36: What is your usual bedtime?

Between 11:30-12

37: Are you lazy?

No

38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?

My first costume ever was a hershey kiss! Then I was a power ranger, pirate, Belle, witch, cat, dog, wolf, red riding hood, Ghost face, pumpkin king, angel, devil, fairy.. I've done a little bit of everything 😅

39: What is your Chinese astrological sign?

Um sign of the rat I think? '96 baby ✌🏼

40: Are you horny?

At this very moment?? No lol

41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions?

Not currently no, eyeballing a couple

42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs?

Legos, duh

43: Are you stubborn?

Me? Stubborn? Never 🙄

44: Who is better…Leno or Letterman?

Ew neither

45: Ever watch soap operas?

No not really my thing. Unless you count k dramas

46: Are you afraid of heights?

I don't love them, but they're not a fear

47: Do you sing in the car?

Full on karaoke show

48: Do you sing in the shower?

Karaoke show part 2

49: Do you dance in the car?

Way way too often 😂

50: Ever used a gun?

Yes, I'm a good shot too 😏

51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

Probably my uncle's wedding like 10+ years ago

52: Do you think musicals are cheesy?

Absolutely not, I love them! One of my favorite genres ever

53: Is Christmas stressful?

When you wait until the very last minute like I did yes 😮‍💨

54: Ever eat a pierogi?

I have not actually, I'll have to add that to the list

55: Favorite type of fruit pie?

I'm not a big pie person

56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

Marine biologist, ballerina, librarian

57: Do you believe in ghosts?

Yes

58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

Frequently, it's a little unsettling actually

59: Take a vitamin daily?

No

60: Wear slippers?

Sometimes

61: Wear a bath robe?

Also sometimes lol

62: What do you wear to bed?

Either sweatpants and a tee or just a tee

63: First concert?

Panic at the Disco!

64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

Walmart

65: Nike or Adidas?

Both

66: Cheetos Or Fritos?

Cheetos

67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

Well I'm allergic to nuts and I don't eat sunflower seeds, sooo 😂

68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?

No never

69: Ever take dance lessons?

Yes

70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

I don't really care honestly, as long as they can help pay bills and have some ambition in life in gemeral

71: Can you curl your tongue?

Yes 😇

72: Ever won a spelling bee?

No

73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

Of course

74: Own any record albums?

Not yet!

75: Own a record player?

Soon!

76: Regularly burn incense?

Yes

77: Ever been in love?

Yes

78: Who would you like to see in concert? Ghost, Bad Omens, Hozier, BTS

79: What was the last concert you saw?

Panic at the disco back on 2016

80: Hot tea or cold tea?

Hot tea

81: Tea or coffee?

Coffee, iced, extra milk extra sugar please thanks

82: Sugar or snickerdoodles?

Snickerdoodles are god tier

83: Can you swim well?

Well enough

84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

Yes

85: Are you patient?

Ehh that could use some work

86: DJ or band, at a wedding?

DJ for sure

87: Ever won a contest?

Not that I remember

88: Ever have plastic surgery?

Not yet

89: Which are better black or green olives?

Don't make me choose

90: Can you knit or crochet?

No but I want to learn to crochet

91: Best room for a fireplace?

Bedroom

92: Do you want to get married?

Maybe

93: If married, how long have you been married?

Single af

94: Who was your HS crush?

He was one of my best friends senior year and nothing ever happened :/ come to find out he almost kissed me one day bc he liked me so much but he never did 🤦🏼‍♀️

95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?

No

96: Do you have kids?

Nooo

97: Do you want kids?

NOOO

98: Whats your favorite color?

Green

99: Do you miss anyone right now?

Yes

Hope this gives you some insight! If you wanna know more you're always welcome to ask 😊

[c-vomitoria]

tribute to the pigeon squad

gonna start using this blog to post various (mis)adventures i go on and what better way to start than with my best friends in all the world

besties <333

ive been around this flock for about 1 and a half years and ive gotten to know a few stand-out individuals so heres the ones ive named over that time !!! most of them are gone, either migrated away or dead i'm not sure, if they're still around i'll mention it specifically

this little guy's the first pigeon i ever thought to ascribe a name to after i saw them a few separate times at the subway station before work, their name is big boss

they were missing an eye and always hung around the back of the group not really stepping in with the others, i always tossed them some extra scraps of my breakfast away from the main group bc otherwise they'd never get their share. kept seeing them around for about 2 weeks or so at the station before they stopped showing up, i didn't name any others until i started going to the "main" feeding spot for the local flock a few months later.

this right here is acci! short for accipiter bc theyre a vicious beast, very much unlike big boss they never hesitated to jump into the crowd and slap other pigeons around with their wings for the best feeding spots or just for the hell of it. shown here consuming the flesh of a distant cousin (they *really* liked chicken whenever i brought any)

as much of a menace as acci was to the rest of the flock they were also the first one to get all attached to me and always sat on my arm whenever i came over with snacks, it was like their special perch and they always wanted to be hand fed

laelaps here didnt come around very often but always had a commanding presence, they usually hung back and just watched but never got bullied by anyone and would throw their weight around without much opposition if they did decide to step in. never got close to me but never gave the impression of being scared either, very respectable birb.

cheetodust (on the right) or just cheeto for short! every bit as scrunkly and scraggly in behaviour as they look. i'm not sure what was up with their cere for it to get all orange and crusty but the last couple times i saw them it seemed to be shedding with a more normal whitish cere underneath. this guy shat on my hands more than anyone else. no fear, no fucks given. not particularly aggressive or respected but very good at opportunistically darting around.

prima, queen of vermin. one my absolute favourites and one of the prettiest birds to ever live i will die on this hill no purebred show pigeon could EVER compete with this most regal of street urchins. i saw them around for a good while and they've always been pretty aloof, eventually they saw fit to sit on my shoes but for the most part they hung around in the back of the flock watching everything play out.

i was heartbroken when i'd counted a full month without seeing them but the other day i saw a pigeon with almost the same exact feather patterns on the head & upper torso mixed in with a standard wild morph on the rest of the body and i like to believe it's one of prima's offspring after they flew off somewhere else to find a mate. this bird is divinely protected and no harm can be allowed to reach them

if anyone can genuinely be called the big boss of the flock it's probably stalin here. theyve been around longer than almost anyone else, theyre still here, always patrolling up and down the street looking for the best bits of scraps and more pigeons to push around. if they want something they fight for it *hard*, and while other pigeons usually stop at hisses or wing slaps i've seen this particular old theropod bite their flock-mates on the neck over some grain. it never takes long for other pigeons to back down but they keep pressing afterwards just to drive it in.

just like with acci they also like to hang around me a lot, i guess it makes sense the tough brawler types aren't so scared of humans. they never really did it to get special food access though, they'd just sit there and preen or look around.

haku mainly stands out for being a real looker, with those big flashes of iridescence bordering their white chest. they're fairly run-of-the-mill socially, maybe even unusually so somehow. never causing any trouble or running into anyone, never getting into fights, never being pushed around either. just foraging where there's plenty of grain on the ground, staying out of people's way, resting in between snacks. a decent life all in all, and they seem happy about it.

i gave kohaku their name around the same time as haku bc there's some similarities in their appearance, the smaller white patches under the throat + some iridescent bits that don't really show up in this picture. turns out they'd been around for a hell of a lot longer than i thought - this particular picture was taken even before the big boss one, and there'd been several months between my last sighting of big boss and my first sighting of haku. that would make kohaku one of the very first of my named pigeons that i'd ever encountered, and i just didn't realise this picture *was* kohaku until very recently. and they're still around! i love them so much.

kohaku's always been one to approach me head-on and want to be hand-fed, and they do have a bit of the attitude that tends to go with that but not as much as the others. a little bit pushy maybe, but not as dirty and scrappy as cheeto or just plain brutish as acci or stalin. they don't fight very much they just take up space and don't budge. but they're almost always the first to get there.

next we have the uruk-hai trio:

ugluk,

mauhur,

and lugdush. the latter's the only one of these i still see nowadays, and theyre living a pretty comfortable existence with the present cast at the flocking spots. getting well-fed, staying healthy, not really stepping on any toes - which is more or less how i remember ugluk and mauhur too. bit of a far cry from their namesakes, but it is what it is

and here's kuru (in the foreground)! they're a bit of a feisty one, in the first few weeks i'd known them they kinda blended in with haku & the uruks as just a mellow, well-behaved little pigeon but when i see them now they'll sometimes just stand up, puff out their chest, and chase some poor other pigeon around while hissing loudly for no apparent reason. they'll drag it out pretty long too. it's funny bc i don't actually see them fighting over food much, they usually do this well after the food's run out and everyone's just kinda strutting about in the open. i guess that pecking order isn't going to establish itself.

and now we have the newest set - these are all ones i first met after a fairly long hiatus from pigeon-watching. i haven't known them very long yet, but theyre starting to warm up to me and im hoping i can get to know them better soon :}

they are:

halszka,

shri (centred, brown plumage)

oksoko,

shuvuuia (foreground), & barsbold (middle)

something i find really special about these ones is how their feather patterns & colours have this sort of "wild" naturalistic look to them, like what you'd expect to see living in the forests or on the plains. not quite as striking as prima, ugluk, or haku but very nice to look at nonetheless.

anyway! i may post more about these pigeons in the future and maybe more if i decided i can recognise any others! this can be just a neat introduction to all the lil dinosaur friends ive known in the time ive been around here i like them all very much and i hope anyone reading this will like them too

[moefongo]

Just saw ur post—how have you been feeling? Jaw been alright today and not too much pain?

Eating food, sleeping, ice packs, cold drinks and warm drinks depending on how you feel, dim lights, and caffeine do help.

I’ve been doing ok. Having stomach problems and I don’t know if it’s getting worse again because I can only eat small things for meals like half a granola bar, but I’m still hungry but nauseous. How have you been drawing? Happy with your work? Have you found a new media to discuss? If so what is it? I’ve been being dragged back by my brain to Nights of Azure but I’m desperately crawling myself away. As well as Dnd.

quote of the day, from my lovely dad:

“you fucking hamburger head, big head ass with no brain, how does that feel huh?” (Talking with honey after she bit his hand hard)

-Q

Hey bestie I didn't see the ask until now sorry, but I've been okay and so far my jaw hasn't hurt as much lately.

And yeah all of those work like a charm, my mom also got me today a cream or pomade (idk how to say it in spanish) that has arnica and cbd oil and supposedly helps w migraines so im going to try it out next time I get a migraine to see if it helps. For the jaw pain I also apply 'manteca de ubre de vaca' which works wonders

Have you tried drinking broths like chicken broth? If you can tolerate it, you can make some so your body has nutrients and it isn't hard on your stomach. You can make them with as little fat as possible but im gonna ask my grandma if she has a recepie since she makes them a lot and I'll give it to you later

I'm still drawing man tits and practicing more poses by drawing over the pose to get a sense of where everything should go. I am also getting better at drawing feet/shoes so that's an improvement, but i still suck at drawing hands tho lol. In terms of nursing, I haven't been able to find a job since i dont have my certifications (cpr, pals and a whole lot more) and bc i have a provisional license (but my exam is on the 7th of December so im mostly studying and prepping for it) I'm still on a huge Onmyoji brain rot and currently frustrated bc I haven't gotten Susanoo on the new event but I have been writing a lot of headcanons for the game on my side blog. Also I got back to dragon age today and I simp so hard for Varric

The quote is inspiring and makes me want to pet her sfjfjsf

[ramblingstonobody]

Cheers and Hiccups - May 7, 2023

I'm feeling incredibly proud of myself. Here's a beautiful list of why:

I'm signing my second publishing deal tomorrow at 10am. I'm so proud of myself for this one. The positives waves signing this will have on my life are going to be amazing.

I felt banging in a swim suit the other day - ass included. I don't know if I've ever looked in the mirror and actually liked the way my ass looked in a swim suit, so this was pretty cool. I think I'm just generally being nicer to myself and my body lately, and I think I literally look fitter as a result.

Tomorrow is 2 weeks of no drinking. There have been a couple of moments where I thought, "You could just have one..." but I'm really glad I've stuck with it. Curious to see how long I hold out. Currently have no real desire to drink aside from the social confidence it can give me. But I'll figure that out. It's a cool experiment to go out sober honestly.

I'm moving my body more consistently than I ever have I think. The whole not going two days in a row without moving has been a really helpful rule of thumb. If I don't work out one day, I plan my next day around getting movement in. I also have done evening workout a few times since I started this which I would normally never do. Love an occasional sunset hike or night run to mix things up.

Since starting Prozac, I truly haven't spiraled once. I'm feeling more in control of my emotions and my responses to life. I'll get upset about things, sure, but I truly never let it completely take me over the way that I always used to. It's like...I just know that the feeling will pass. That the moment will pass. That it'll all settle again eventually. So I can take this time to freak the fuck out - or I can feel the feeling and then start walking back towards center.

I've been snacking less and drinking more water. I went a little crazy there for a second ordering a bunch of candy and snacks and stuff. Honestly, I still ordered myself a slurpie and a gatorade last night. Also ate a bag of popcorn - but I actually don't feel too bad about popcorn as a snack. I think I could eat that everyday if I wanted. But while I was home, I made my Florence Omelet (yes, I just named it that), those chicken tacos and salmon with broccoli.

I've been taking my vitamins everyday for almost three weeks. My vitamins really are just my multivitamin, my Prozac and my hair and nails gummies. But then I also do my Meta-C with it. I'd like to add lion's mane in there. Maybe it would be worth getting a fish oil pill or something? Magnesium? Maybe I should do some research. Anyway, I'm fucking doing it. I'm taking my vitamins everyday like an adult. And it feels really good and makes me really proud.

I started a 7 day pilates challenge today, tried to lift Missy's 10lb weights for a bit, listened to a Daily Jay AND started a 7 day meditation course on the Calm app. I be tryin' some new shit! Realized I'd gotten charged for Calm and decided to just give it a go. It was really relaxing. Did the Jay one first and I actually really loved the message. Talked about fitting in vs belonging. I can really relate to that lately. Felt good to compare those different dispositions over the last couple weeks in different scenarios and being able to feel how much better it feels to simple be and belong and not have to try to change yourself to be whatever everyone else might want or need you to be. The pilates video was great. I actually really liked it. The instructor in the video is TINY and ripped, and I did find myself wishing I looked more like her, but you know what I also did? I thought, "I wouldn't want to be that skinny. Honestly. I like that I have an ass and a little meat on my bones." And that felt cool.

I bought a shit ton of fruit today for about 20 bucks. Ricky said last night that I should try snacking on fruit as a candy substitute, so I went and got some apples, bananas, sumo citrus & a big pack of little sweet plums. I could easily eat all of this in the next couple days, but I bet it could last me through to the weekend.

I actively tried to reach out to those two apartments today. I sent a handful of requests on Apartments.com, called the numbers, one of em twice, signed up for the text service, and then literally drove to them to try to get to the front office and talk to a real person. Granted - I wasn't able to get a hold of anyone haha. But I've now ruled those two out and am that much closer to finding my next home.

Here are a couple things I'm struggling with and would like to work through:

My skin is pretty angry right now. I know it's got to be from all of the candy I was eating. My period feels like an obvious culprit as well. Plus, I was in a different state, getting proper sun on my face for a few days. All this to say, all will be well. My skin will clear up. I've been drinking water like crazy and eating a lot healthier. I'm gonna add this to my list of things I'm proud of myself for.

I'm a little anxious about finding an apartment... But honestly, that's normal. Anyone who was in between homes would be stressed. And that's a common thing. You're going to find an apartment. You're going to be able to afford it. It's going to be fucking magical. She's somewhere out there right now waiting for me. The thing I kind of want to talk through more is the fact that most place require you to make three times the rent each month and that won't be possible for me. They'll also want paychecks for a few months back and I won't be able to provide that. But you know what, I'd just keep walking forward. I'd just call someone up and explain my situation and take the steps I need to take to get the answer I desire. All will be well.

Should I try to room with a couple girls? I'm honestly just not sure on this one. I don't want to, but if it was cheaper and easier to get approved, I could be open to it. I'd just need to not be afraid to make it my space too.

[cloudiyum]

1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? Closed of course

2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? Yes I doo, I want to donate them to homeless shelters.

3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? Tucked in, I love being tucked

4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before? No but I've stolen many a cone

5: Do you like to use post-it notes? I do at work

6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? I don't come across any coupons in my life right now

7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? BEAR. ABSOLUTELY A BEAR. I would gladly be mauled to death

8: Do you have freckles? Not freckles but "beauty spots" as my mum calls them

9: Do you always smile for pictures? Nooo I tend to avoid that cuz my lips turn into 2 dimensional objects

10: What is your biggest pet peeve? Untidyness. Leaving the babywipe lid open. Dirty fridges.

11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk? No I don't!

12: Have you ever peed in the woods? Yeeees

13: What about pooped in the woods? No I once went camping for a week and didn't need to because my body knew It'd have to be in a hole.

14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing? Not really, maybe if I'm eating rly tasty food

15: Do you chew your pens and pencils? Nope

16: How many people have you slept with this week? Zero the fuck

17: What size is your bed? Queen.. slay

18: What is your Song of the week? LIKE A GIRL DOES PEACH PRC

19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink? Absofuckinglutely. I'd love my Henry to dye his hair pink if he would

20: Do you still watch cartoons? Not really but family guy yes

21: Whats your least favorite movie? OMG. DUNE!! FUCK DUNE. my god. worst/boring movie I've ever seen in my entire life.

22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? Bury? In dirt.. what else can you bury treasure in?

23: If you’re a girl, bra size? If you’re a guy, pants size? 10D I think, last time I got sized was when I was 14

24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in? Mustard or Sweet and Sour sauce. Mostly nothing though

25: What is your favorite food? Salmon Sashimi <3 <3 <3

26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love? TWILIGHT <3 <3 <3

27: Last person you kissed/kissed you? My Henry on the 7th November 2023

28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout? I did scouts when I was like 8 or 9 and met this cute girl named Chloe and we were such good friends at camp. I think she gave me one of her lip glosses or something. I wish I could find her again

29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? Only if my nips n bits were covered with an emoji or something

30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? I don't remember but it definitely would've been to henry. Or today to pippa for work

31: Can you change the oil on a car? Nope but I can fill my tires with air :)

32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket? Only once I think

33: Ever ran out of gas? Never I would die

34: Favorite kind of sandwich? Banana & Honey or Cucumber & Salt <3 <3

35: Best thing to eat for breakfast? Bacon, egg & bbq sauce toasted sandwich or poached eggs on toast

36: What is your usual bedtime? I aim for 10:30 but sometimes its midnight

37: Are you lazy? No, I value my well deserved resting time

38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? :( I wasn't allowed

39: What is your Chinese astrological sign? Ox I think

40: Are you horny? No I am not, that is very rare

41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions? Nope

42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs? the fuck are lincoln logs

43: Are you stubborn? Noo my mind can be changed very easily

44: Who is better…Leno or Letterman? Crystal meth santa claus <3

45: Ever watch soap operas? I like the big bang theory sue me

46: Are you afraid of heights? I would say not

47: Do you sing in the car? YEA I DO VERRRRY LOUDLY

48: Do you sing in the shower? On occasion

49: Do you dance in the car? I wiggle

50: Ever used a gun? Nooo

51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? When I was 9 years old

52: Do you think musicals are cheesy? Some of them.

53: Is Christmas stressful? Not really

54: Ever eat a pierogi? Yess with Henry & Greg in San Francisco <3

55: Favorite type of fruit pie? Cherry or blueberry

56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? A cleaner only cuz mum once said they get paid a lot HAHA

57: Do you believe in ghosts? Yea friendly ones only

58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? I have a specific scenario I see every time I get it. I'm swinging back on the blue classroom chair in my year 7 classroom. The big windows are to the left and I'm at the front left of my class. I think Mrs Ralph or the other one was teaching. Every time.

59: Take a vitamin daily? No but I would if the gummies weren't so expensive and had enough nutrition in them

60: Wear slippers? no

61: Wear a bath robe? nono makes me look like an idiot

62: What do you wear to bed? The only thing I want to wear to bed for the rest of my life is the avocado toast oodie sleeping shirt that henry got me. It's so fucking ridiculously comfortable you have no idea

63: First concert? Die Antwoord in 2015 but if that doesn't count then apparently mum took me to see Hi-5 when I was little, I don't remember it tho

64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Walmart if I'm in America, but in Australia I like Kmart for everything and Target for clothes and socks

65: Nike or Adidas? I don't really give a fuck to be honest but Nike aesthetic is more pleasing to me

66: Cheetos Or Fritos? I've never had fritos but I enjoy flamin hot cheetos

67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Neither, those textures are off putting to me. Too gritty

68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? No is that French?

69: Ever take dance lessons? Yeees I did, at Denise Hollins Dance Company. I started when I was 3 or 4 and did Teddy Bears Picnic. I stopped and didn't start again til I was 8 turning 9. 2006 Jazz (I want Candy & Footloose) (Must've skipped 2007) 2008 - Tap (Here It Goes Again & Jump n Jive) Jazz (Moving thru Time & Get Up and Dance) Acrobats (Jump Shout Boogie) Finale (Move Shake Drop) 2009 - Jazz (Backstreets Back & Hocus Pocus) Intermediate Acrobats (Batman) Finale (Zombie) 2010 - (my last year forever) Advanced Acrobats - Gold :)

70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? I picture Henry as a professional DJ <3

71: Can you curl your tongue? YA

72: Ever won a spelling bee? We don't have those here

73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Nooop

74: Own any record albums? A thank u next single and peach prc

75: Own a record player? nope

76: Regularly burn incense? Occasionally

77: Ever been in love? yessss henry

78: Who would you like to see in concert? ARIANA GRANDE

79: What was the last concert you saw? Peach PRC <3

80: Hot tea or cold tea? Cold!

81: Tea or coffee? I like the taste of tea better but I like the effects of coffee

82: Sugar or snickerdoodles? Don't know what that is

83: Can you swim well? Very well, I won champion girl at my primary school once

84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Of course.. I don't think anyone can't do this

85: Are you patient? I try to be yes

86: DJ or band, at a wedding? hmmmmmmm dj

87: Ever won a contest? Not a contest but a wax kit and some free goodies from norris for guessing the correct number hehe

88: Ever have plastic surgery? Nope only lip fillers 4 times. Dissolves way too quick for me tho

89: Which are better black or green olives? omg fuck I love both so much. my fave is marinated green olives

90: Can you knit or crochet? I do not

91: Best room for a fireplace? Living room I guess

92: Do you want to get married? I am :) already. married. hehe

93: If married, how long have you been married? um one month and four days

94: Who was your HS crush? Luke Ramljak <3

95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? No that doesn't work

96: Do you have kids? I do not

97: Do you want kids? I think so. I'm very undecided still. Blairs so cute and I don't think my baby will be that cute hahaha

98: Whats your favorite color? Pppppink duh

99: Do you miss anyone right now? henry henry and henry even tho its only been 11 days

[grassbreads]

I finished Silent Reading!!

Overall I'd say that I liked and had fun with it despite my criticisns, but it has some pretty noticeable problems. This is the second priest novel I've read after Tai Sui, and I knew it wasn't going to live up to my utter adoration of TS, but I'd still say that Mo Du was pretty notably not as good. It's a fun novel! But it's good rather than amazing.

On the positive side, I really enjoyed Luo Wenzhou and Fei Du's whole dynamic. It wasn't the most romantic romance I've read, and I could nitpick how I feel about their end state, but they're always a ton of fun to watch going back and forth. I especially enjoyed their book 3 "flirty game of chicken" era, as well as their more fraught confrontations in book 4. "I’d really love nothing better than to dig out your evil heart and rotten lungs and have a look" remains one of the most brilliantly insanity-inducing lines of dialogue that I have ever read.

Lang Qiao, Tao Ran, and Xiao Haiyang all made for very charming side characters, and the mysteries themselves were interesting. I also love the choice to work literary references into the novel in such a big way. I was *thrilled* when I started book 2 and realized what priest was doing with the book titles.

There really is a lot to like about Mo Du, and priest tells a great story with Fei Du. Watching a character intent on destroying himself be pulled from a dark path and manage to exact an almost perfect revenge while remaining unsullied is, uh, really satisfying. It's fun to watch the forces of justice be victorious!

However, as is the case with any ultimately pro-police story that tries to tackle the failings of the justice system, it feels like it bit off more than it could resolve thematically. The conspiracy has been unwound and the crooked cops have been exposed, but the novel makes a legitimate point about the failings of the police to really help people, especially early on, and the ending does not fully fix that problem. Things are definitely better than they were when the story ends. Fei Du is a rich man that likes to spend his money helping victims, and Lwz and his team are all very dedicated to bringing justice no matter the cost. But I don't think it's realistic to say that Lwz's people will somehow solve every crime in Yan city, or that no victim will ever be tossed by the wayside again. It just feels like there's this terrible looming extant problem in the background that neither priest or the characters can recognize.

Fei Du gets his happy ending and catharsis, and the victims of the Zhangs and Fan Siyuan get some version of justice in the end, but the problems of the justice system as presented in the story simply cannot be fixed.

Like I said, this is ultimately a failing that the story was bound to have, given that it's both pro-police to a large degree and concerned with how the justice system fails people, but I still feel it's worth pointibg out. Not to mention the overall copaganda-ness of how LWZ and his team are portrayed.

Besides my beef with police narratives, I also think that the mysteries in this one may have gotten a bit too convoluted for their own good at times. The crimes in Silent Reading are a complex fucking web, and keeping track of everything that happens would require following a near unfathomable number of tiny details over a long (540k) novel. Once we hit a certain point, I just had to accept that I wasn't going to be able to follow the details of the mystery or figure anything out for myself, which isn't necessarily what you want from a crime novel.

Also, as much as I enjoyed Fei Du, there were some points where I felt his backstory kinda failed to land. I think I'm honestly just spoiled by VnC at this point. Vanitas is a character with a truly horrific backstory and a bonkers personality, but it never feels like too much because every horrible thing in his past is reflected so well in his present traits (and vice versa). For Fei Du, on the other hand, his past sometimes felt like a little much. He's obviously going thru it in the present, but not quite a degree of fucked up that could sell me on the sheer insanity that is the whole metal ring situation.

Also, as I've complained about previously, I don't love how this novel treats women. I don't like how things ended with Yang Xin, and though I ended up enjoying Lang Qiao, I'm bothered by how she's basically the only woman that's relevant through the whole novel (compared to just SO many dudes).

Overall, a solid 6 or 7 out of 10. A lot of fun and very interesting, and it does have some compelling thematic things to say, but there were aspects which I found very much frustrated me. I might recommend it to anyone who likes Tai Sui and wants to see an interesting Zhou Ying precursor, as well as anyone who really likes mystery and crime novels with super intricate, complicated plotlines. However, I only make that recommendation if you promise to take the novel's portrayal of good policemen with a MASSIVE grain of salt lmao. I cannot stress enough the degree to which the portrayal of LWZ and his team ends up being copaganda-ish, even if that's unintentional.

[softfishsadist]

Rimuru Confession HCs

HAHAHA oh noes the day came *slime sweating*

When Rimuru finally decided not to chicken on you and face his feelings, there are 2 possibilities why he finally stepped up, (or it can be both of them); one: he's been waiting for too long and by this point his emotions have gone haywire to the point he's been avoiding you just to keep himself sane and still functioning, two: he finally noticed some signs of reciprocation to his one sided crushing and is immensely happy and in turn given a big courage boost to finally tell you and ask you out, hurray!

Now how, what, and where should he tell you--

Rimuru wants to have a quick finish, but he also wants to make it a little special. So he definitely -while making sure everyone is too distracted to notice- goes up to you, blushy blushy, whisper to meet him somewhere a little secluded for a private personal talk, before continuing the day like nothing happened so no one would be sus--

It was most likely near nightfall, when oranges dissipate into darker indigo hues and purple paints the sky while the sun gives their final goodbye by last light, when Rimuru came up before you, with averted eyes and a nervous twitch of his lips, walking towards you and then stood by your side

He started with small talk

Forgive him, as mentioned previously he is not a bold romantic poet that would give you a bouquet of flowers or speak flowery honey words that would tickle your flattery. Well, at least it's better than being shoved for being cheesy right? Rimuru kept sweating the whole time man was a wreck inside--

Either with your reminders or him beating himself up inside, he eventually composed himself and finally got to the point

The confession was nothing short of sincerity. Rimuru is very honest, so he won't lie or sugarcoat his feelings and would even admit his mistakes or flaws to you, apologizing even. At first, he can't even make eye contact, but midway as more burdens are lifted off of his heart the more he speaks out, his eyes became fixated to yours, and you could see the tenderness and devotion in them as he pours his heart out into words he couldn't say to you properly. It wasn't anything over the top, but it wasn't too short or vague to leave you confused; they were simple, yet heartfelt. Honest, and genuine. Just like him..

"First of all, I'm really sorry for my recent behavior around you." He stared down, avoidant of your gaze with an apologetic frown. "And my reason for that is... Simply because I love you."

"I've had this feeling for a while. I thought it was nothing, that I just enjoyed your company. But it had gotten a lot more intense than that and I couldn't face you; I avoided talking to you, running the other way like a coward whenever you were nearby at times. And it's pathetic of me. I'm sorry for avoiding you so much and I hope you forgive me for it. But it's true; I love you, Y/N. And no matter what your answer is,... I hope you we can still be close friends."