#I've got no problem thanking the people that helped me along the way!! I'm very grateful to them!!
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reinedeslys-central · 5 months ago
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hey I know you probably meant this to be encouraging (in some weird, twisted way)
but all you're doing is making me feel like shit and saying all my achievements are the work of other people
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coff33andb00ks · 5 months ago
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37 With Oscar Piastri? 🫶
37: not realizing they’re holding hands till someone points it out I got this twice so i'm combining them k thx 🥹
also this is really for @maxlarens bc she helped me craft something similar to this idea
Oscar's...different. Not in a bad way, just...different. He's not loud or obnoxious like the other guys in your classes at uni, he just comes in, takes his seat, and then...
Well honestly you don't know. Since, you know, you're paying attention to the professor. But you assume he's paying attention as well.
He's just quiet. Or so you thought.
"Your grandma sounds nice," you say, truly smiling as he finishes telling you about the treats his grandmother sent from back home.
He grins, blushing a little. Maybe from embarrassment, maybe from the drinks. "Yeah... She's strong too, you know."
"Is she?" you ask.
"She's got the heart of a lion."
"Oh wo--"
"And a lifetime ban from the zoo."
Your jaw drops and you let out a giggle while he grins again. "Stop, that was terrible," you insist, taking a sip of your drink. But you're still giggling a little.
His face creases and you realize that the weirdly quiet guy from maths isn't weird.
So naturally he needs you to become his friend. Right? Right. Probably not but you take up the task anyway, happily dragging him along to parties and clubs on weekends. He goes along with it, longsuffering and looking miserable, but always ends up cracking jokes that have even your most judgmental friends liking him.
Oscar's like that, you realize, watching him cringe over the house music playing. He pretends not to care but he does. He cares more than you, sometimes. Especially about people he loves, like that American guy that follows him around like a lost puppy, and the super posh guy that you and your friend joke is actually a serial killer
His friends and your friends become a group. Neither from either side have anything in common other than attending the same university. None seem to really like the others really but put up with them because Oscar makes it worth it.
You've all been studying for exams, gathering in the posh guy's off campus flat because it's the biggest and has the best furniture and the best food, and you're in the kitchen fixing coffee when Oscar finds you. There's chatter in the dining room, your friends arguing over a minute detail in some show you haven't watched yet.
"Are they getting rowdy?" you ask, taking down another mug - they all match, George is third year and all his dishes match - and pour him some coffee.
"No more than usual." Oscar murmurs a thank you, leaning against the counter as the arguing turns into laughter.
"You hate that I've dragged you into this hysteria don't you?" you murmur.
"What?"
You smile against the rim of your mug. You like the way he says what, all exaggerated and so very Australian. What does that even mean? You have no idea. You just know you like it. "They're a bit..."
"Loud?" Oscar asks, his face dead serious as absolute silence comes from the dining room.
"You," you mutter, lightly shoving at his shoulder before leaning against him, dropping your hand.
"They're alright," he promises. "They keep George and Logan bonkers."
You laugh, because your friends do love tormenting his friends. And vice versa. "Come on, let's try to get them to focus on work."
Back in the dining room you're working your way through the problem that you've been struggling with when you notice Logan keeps giving you weird looks after he comes back from the toilet. You ignore him because, well, it's Logan, and he tends to always give people weird looks.
There's rustling and whispering around you and then George looks up from his laptop and you freeze, suddenly feeling everyone's eyes on you and Oscar.
"What's all this then?" George asks.
"You sound just like my grandad," your friend groans before turning to you. "When did this story arc happen?"
"Yeah, I thought you two were still stuck on ew that's my friend," Logan chimed in.
"What?" This from Oscar.
George points a pen at you both. "That."
And then you feel it. Your hand in Oscar's - his thumb tapping yours, the calluses from his love of the gym, warm and comforting and—
"Well?" your friend demands.
You know you should drop his hand. That's my friend, my quiet black cat that I adopted and drag around to keep the weirdos away only I'm the weirdo and he can't keep me away. You look down at your clasped hands.
There's a freckle next to his thumbnail and all you can think is how fucking endearing that is.
"Just because no guy wants to hold your hand doesn't mean I should suffer," you find yourself saying.
Next to you, Oscar throws his head back and laughs.
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silverwhittlingknife · 8 months ago
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How would you describe Tim's people skills? Especially when you compare them to Dick's?
Hi anon, this was a fun ask!! I picked out a few panels for each of them (comforting friends, a bit out of sync with friends, fighting with friends, and offering practical support to friends) just to get a quick look at their people skills in action, and then I rambled on about my thoughts on their strengths and their weaknesses.
(Caveat: I'm going to try to focus on my ideas about differences between the two of them, since we're comparing, but I do think they're socially more similar than not, so you might also want to check out @bitimdrake's post on Dick and Tim's similarities for the big picture!)
Short version: I think they've both got good people skills. Dick's are a bit better and more natural, whereas Tim's are more practiced and learned (in ways that sometimes show).
Let's start with Dick first, and then I'll get back to Tim.
Dick
Comforting friends in Titans Secret Files:
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Dick: Will you go back in there and sit down? This is my house. You don't need to clean up after me! Donna: I know, I just... I just ... Dick: Hey, hey... what's the matter? Donna: Nothing. It's nothing. Dick (reaching out to supportively grip her shoulders): Donna, this is me here, remember?
A bit out of sync with friends (but still getting along well) in Titans 3:
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Dick: The movie runs 98 minutes. So if we fast-forward past the coming attractions and watch only half the credits, I can still make it back to Blüdhaven in time to - Roy: Nightwing, chill. Team morale demands that you relax and enjoy yourself.
Fighting with friends in Titans 13:
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Dick: We haven't used it much, Changeling. But that's gonna be different. Starting right now. Our performance against Tartarus and the HIVE was unacceptable. Each and every one of you should thank God you weren't killed. Kory: How dare you? How can you just stand there talking to us like we're a military detachment -
Giving support to relative strangers in Nightwing 87:
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Neighbor 1: Oh, he - he's a true gentleman, you know? Always holds the door, or helps me up the stairs with my groceries if we both come in at the same time... Neighbor 2: ...used his motorcycle to jumpstart my car one morning and even got my brother-in-law a job with Wayne Enterprises when he got laid off... Neighbor 3: ...and he's very, very, very nice and doesn't talk down to me. Plus he lets me use his basketball.
Offering practical support (making dinner) in Prodigal:
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Tim: I can't believe you can actually cook... Dick: I like to eat. Tim: So does Bruce - but he had to order Chinese last night. Dick: That's where I'm one up on him - I've lived on my own without an Alfred. Still miss him, though... He was good for a lot more than cooking and cleaning. Tim: Yeah. But at least we don't have to miss him on empty stomachs.
Strengths:
I think Dick's people skills are pretty simple: he has them! He's good at people! And I tend to think of Dick's people skills as so automatic they're mostly instinctive. It's not something he really has to think about because it's so ingrained in him. A combination of natural talent plus a childhood spent around sociable performers means Dick's just really highly attuned to the people around him.
And I don't think he's particularly obvious about it. So e.g. you could be having a conversation with Dick where he didn't seem like he was paying close attention, but if there was An Important Moment where you got anxious for a moment or let something important slip or let a bit of anger show through etc. - Dick will have picked up on it, even if it's unconsciously, and it'll stick with him and come back to him later.
And just generally - I think Dick has good instincts for who he can trust and who he shouldn't trust; when he's treading on conversational landmines he'll often pick up the unease even if he doesn't have the context to know why there's a problem; if he's trying to comfort and trusts his instincts he'll often do the right thing even if he can't justify in words why he felt like that was the right thing to do.
So I think for Dick, there's always the level of conscious awareness - the things he's aware he knows, if you will - and the level of unconscious awareness - things he senses, but maybe can't explain, or maybe doesn't want to know so he's suppressing the thoughts.
So he's good at leading, and he's good at comforting, and he's good at listening, and he's good at figuring out the right thing to say...
Like, he's good at all of it, so it's actually sort of difficult to elaborate because there's just not that much nuance? Given any particular interpersonal situation, Dick has an excellent chance of getting a quick read on some random guy he's just met and then getting the reaction he wants pretty fast, whether it's intimidating the guy or comforting him or getting him to cooperate or taunting him until he loses his temper, etc etc etc.
Obviously Dick's not a mind reader, and he can get things wrong, especially when he's in the throes of one of his own personal crises, but generally I think Dick's very very sure-footed with people, even with strangers.
Weaknesses:
This isn't a weakness precisely because Dick's usually doing it on purpose, but he'll sometimes have fights with his friends because they think he's acting overly professional/detached and he thinks they're not being professional enough. So e.g. in Titans 13, you can see Dick's set up the room almost like he's leading a business meeting, and he's the boss lecturing them, and they're reacting by getting mad at him. Part of this is basically a Traditional Bat Problem - Tim's friends also balk because they feel like Tim's keeping them at a distance - but Dick tends to lean especially hard on "I'm The Leader Here So Shut Up And Do What I Say" professionalism / distancing.
When things are going well, Dick's friends may grumble at his intense professionalism but basically appreciate it (this is basically how things go in their reunion in TT vol 2); when things are not going well, though, it becomes a point of tension. Generally, Dick gets extra-professional as a coping mechanism when under stress, as here in TT vol 2 12:
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To the extent that Dick falters with social skills, it tends to be almost exclusively with people he knows well, not with strangers. Dick sometimes struggles with maintaining relationships, largely because he's often juggling multiple responsibilities; he'll sometimes get hyperfixated on something and deprioritize his more stable relationships (so e.g. when he gets fixated on trying to fix Blüdhaven and gets distracted from his relationship with Babs).
Somewhat relatedly, if things start going wrong in his own life, he tends to self-isolate out of shame and avoid everyone he thinks of as more put-together. So, for example, in the aftermath of Blockbuster, he's a self-destructive mess who's trying to dodge and/or drive away Clark and Roy and Tim (all people who care about him and would want to help), but Sophia Tevis and Rose are two messed-up young strangers in trouble and their obvious neediness trips his "urgency" meter, plus he may be a mess but they have no context to realize that so he doesn't feel so self-conscious, and he's able to be drive-by super-helpful to them and then dive right back into privately self-destructing.
Also not a weakness per se, but he tends to be a bit of an introvert in general - he and Wally are close, but they go long stretches of time without catching up; when he's spending time with friends, usually it's Donna / Wally / the Titans / Tim visiting Dick rather than the other way around; he's more likely to get cajoled into joining a team than the other way round - Wally talks him into rejoining the Titans and Roy talks him into joining the Outsiders. He likes people and likes spending time with friends, but he's usually not the one initiating a social gathering. He's self-aware about this; in Titans 9, he muses, "It's not the newness that's the problem. The problem is the old stuff. The ruts. You know someone long enough - well enough - and you fall into a rut with them... you completely take the relationship for granted..."
Relatedly, because Dick's pretty self-contained, he has a recurring problem where loved ones interpret him as distant or detached or indifferent even when he's still passionately attached - both Kory and Babs break up with Dick in part because they feel like he's not really that committed to them (also there are mmm Problematic Plotlines involved but I'm ignoring those for the purposes of this post), and in both cases IMO they're misreading him. He's deeply upset by both breakups and responds with big declarations of feeling and, uh, proposing marriage shortly afterward. (Okay, so he's not ALWAYS sure-footed sdfdsfs)
When Dick's getting something wrong, it's usually because he's upset and overcompensating - when things with Kory and Babs are tense, he tries to fix it with Big Gestures; when Vic's mad at him about spying, he missteps with an elaborate secret plan culminating in a big dramatic offering of a new body which Vic does want... but he's still understandably miffed at Dick for making a bunch of decisions behind his back instead of talking to him. Dick guesses right about something Vic will want, but because Dick when he's feeling guilty tends to slide into I-Am-The-Leader, I-Must-Fix-Everything-By-Myself, I-Am-Responsible-For-Everything mode, he forgets that the whole original problem is connected to not respecting Vic's autonomy / right to make decisions for himself, and that a better gesture would be asking Vic what he wants instead of once again making decisions on his behalf without consulting him. (I'm sympathetic to Dick's spying-on-Vic plan on account of how Vic did turn into an evil moon for a bit - comics are bonkers, you guys sdfdsfs - but I'm also very sympathetic to Vic feeling that he deserved fuller disclosure here.)
And you can see similar patterns in lower-key conflicts too: every time Dick gets accused of being just like Batman, it's usually because he's coming off as harsh or detached or uncaring (sometimes on purpose because he's pushing people away; sometimes just because Dick handles grief and fear by shutting down; sometimes because his the-buck-stops-here leadership style can come off as overly-detached), even though Dick actually cares SO SO MUCH, all the time, about everyone he knows.
But honestly... these weaknesses exist, but they're minor in comparison to his strengths?? Dick's a guy with a lot of very strong friendships for a reason. He's true as steel and once he cares about you, he cares about you forever. <3
OKAY! So that's Dick. Let's finally move on to...
Tim
Comforting friends in Joker's Last Laugh 3:
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Tim: Babs? Is everything okay? (hugs her)
A bit out-of-sync with friends (but still getting along well) in Young Justice 7:
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Cassie: A campout isn't a campout without a real fire. It's no fun at all. Tim: But the generator is far more efficient, Cassie. It's non-polluting, it poses no threat of forest fire, and it's... it's ... (taking in everybody else's expressions, sighing, reversing course) It's no fun at all. Impulse, can you...?
Fighting with friends in Adventure Comics 3 (stonewalling, avoidance, and lying!)
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Conner: You weren't picking up. Tim: I didn't know it was you. Conner: I turned off my caller ID blocking. Tim: I was busy. I am busy. Conner: Too busy to talk to your best friend? Tim: Yes. No.
Giving emotional support to relative strangers in Robin 98 / 100 / 156:
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Wesley: I just wanted to thank you. They tell us at the meetings that it's important to let people know how you feel. You did a lot for me - making me sober up. If you hadn't taken the time to notice - (Later) Tim: You're gonna stay strong, right? (Wesley: Right.) Tim: You're gonna stay sober, okay? (Wesley: Okay.) Tim: You're gonna do it 'cause - Wesley: 'Cause if I don't you'll come back and kick my butt all over campus. Tim: Uh huh.
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(The redhaired guy was about to jump. Tim convinces him to sit down and talk first.) Tim: So, you're in college? Guy: Yeah, I'm a freshman. How'd you know? Tim: Just a hunch. I'm guessing you don't like it much. Guy: I always hated high school. Always felt like I was outside looking in, never part of any group or anything. I was on the diving team but even then I didn't feel like part of it. The only good thing was that was where I met Lori, my girlfriend.
Offering practical support (medical care and tea) in Batgirl 59:
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Tim (treating her injury as she shares her traumatic past): Whoa. That's ... horrible. Cass: That's nothing. Stephanie and I used to laugh about - oh... uh... never mind. Wait, Tim. I... I'm so ... stupid, I don't - Tim: You're not stupid. Want some tea? Cass: I ... uh... yeah. Thank you.
Strengths:
Tim! I think Tim's also pretty decent at people - not as good as Dick, but hardly anyone is?
I tend to think of Dick as instinctively good at people, and Tim as more consciously good at people.
Tim spends a lot of time being intentionally watchful: observing, spying, psychoanalyzing people, paying careful attention to what they say, thinking about what makes them tick. (And Tim psychoanalyzes himself, too. Tim is studiously engaged in the study of Tim, and of Tim's friends, and of Tim's family. He's often playing a role, even when that role is "Tim Drake.")
So e.g. in Red Robin, at one point Tim has an elaborate domino-falling database where he's compiled a list of villains he wants to fight and how he wants to fight them, all leading up to a very careful takedown plan for Boomerang where he's thought through and anticipated Boomerang's every move ahead of time... and he's basically right! He gets it all right!
And this kind of intensely-studied logical chess-game of "he will do this for this reason, and then this for that reason, and the other people will respond in this way, like a series of dominos, and I've thought through all the possibilities" is Very Tim to me, and I feel like... this is just the sort of thing that Dick would never ever do?
And mostly Dick wouldn't do it because he wouldn't have to. When Dick's skeptical of James Gordon Jr., he goes to talk to the guy and feel him out, and he ethically feels obliged to give him the benefit of the doubt because there's no evidence against him, but he's got a bad feeling and doesn't trust him and secretly slaps a tracer on him because he's got an instinct he'll want it, and he's right: James Jr. is up to something, and that tracer is exactly the thing that Dick needs.
And similarly if Dick wanted to goad James Jr. into doing something, I think he'd go off and meet him and goad him into doing it, and he'd have an instinct for what to say to make that happen - I think the whole elaborate domino plan that Tim comes up with for Boomerang would feel unnecessarily complex to Dick. Not that Dick doesn't make complicated plans, because he absolutely does, but Dick doesn't usually overthink people.
Similarly, if Dick had been the little kid in Lonely Place of Dying, he'd have gotten worried and gone straight to Bruce and talked to him, not gotten worried and taken photos of Bruce from a distance and then come up with an elaborately overthought plan to go to New York and track down his estranged son and fix him that way. And, like. Kid!Tim's not entirely wrong! He's correctly picked up on a very real and very strong connection between Bruce and Dick even though he doesn't know either of them! And given how little actual information Tim has, this is actually an impressive plan (it's a bad plan, because Tim doesn't know about their fights, but it's an impressively solid plan given that his entire information basis is "watched them from a distance and collected news reports"). But this isn't how Dick thinks about people.
Backing up to a more general point: Tim values people skills really really really highly. I think "uses interpersonal skills to help and comfort other people" is one of Tim's highest values and arguably the highest value - he imprinted on Dick because he was kind, and then imprinted on Batman because he was comforting Dick. And he has six million After-School-Special-style plotlines where he tries to comfort / advise / rescue / etc. people in various stages of emotional distress and who are using bad coping mechanisms. His very first outing as Robin involves talking down a semi-suicidal shooter; the big finale of YJ has Tim talking Secret down from her rampage; he's very gentle when he's comforting his girlfriend after she confides in him about a maybe-attempted-rape; he talks down a suicidal college student in Robin; plus there's the entire concept of "Batman needs Robin" in the first place; not to mention his obsession with the importance of friends; and so forth.
So it's something that he's good at because it's something he values and works at. His people skills are conscious and learned. He does a fair bit of amateur psychoanalysis of other people's problems, and he's generally good at identifying the problems, even if he's not always great at fixing them. And he's often playing a role, or imitating other people, rather than being himself; he invests a lot of time constructing alternate identities; he's often more comfortable wearing a mask. (It is just so typical of Tim that his civilian friendship group is the DCU version of D&D players.)
So his practiced-people-skills work decently well, because he's diligent and he cares a lot, and he's better at people when he's older than when he's younger. And he's extremely good at things he's had a lot of practice with, like meeting new schoolmates, or making small talk, and he's friendly and he likes people, and he's good at learning scripts and following them, and he only tends to misstep when he's distracted or unusually anxious or when he's in a situation where normal social norms don't help. (Of course, since he's a vigilante and not an ordinary person, distracted / unusually anxious / weird situation are all things that happen more often than you might think!)
I also think Tim has a few caretaker instincts that have become automatic - generally he's hyperaware of when people are upset and usually tries to reach out or fix it, and even when he's trying to keep himself at a distance he'll slide into caretaking sometimes - so e.g. there's that moment in Batgirl with Cass when Tim's kinda upset with her for siding with Batman (and distancing himself from other people in general), so he's not intending to get close to her, but also what we see him doing is treating her wounds and then getting her tea. And meanwhile Cass actually wants to reach out, and she's intensely observing him and worrying and wanting to help, but what she actually does is... drink the tea. That Tim got her. While she stays firmly on her side of the couch.
(I tend to think of Cass as slightly similar to Tim but at the very very very beginning of her learn-to-people journey here? Like Tim, she cares!! A lot!! And she's successfully understood that Tim's upset, and she knows when she's put her foot in her mouth. But she's not sure what to do yet.)
Weaknesses:
Tactless! This is a tricky word because I think people sometimes hear 'tactless' and misunderstand it as 'generically rude,' but that's not quite the issue - Tim's quite polite most of the time; his problem is that his default mental monologue is very detached / psychoanalyzing / analytical, including about himself and things he's emotional about. He'll often be analyzing his own emotions even in the process of having them (I also talk about this a little here, though it's mostly a post about Dick and anger), and Tim's also constantly analyzing other people.
This means that if he doesn't edit his brain-to-mouth filter, he can come off as too detached or professional or calculating.
This is obviously similar to Dick's problem of coming off as too detached / professional - again, they're both Bats - but it's not quite the same thing, and I think this distinction is most obvious if you look at the places where they're doing it on purpose and picking fights:
Dick's most likely to pick fights by pulling rank: "I'm the boss, you all fucked up this mission and you better not do it again, shape up or shut up." This is a kind of distancing that's about Dick-the-impassive-boss and you-the-subordinate.
By contrast, Tim's more likely to pick fights via hostile psychoanalysis: "I notice you're being snide about Cass again, but we both know you're actually just mad that Bruce cares about her more than he cares about you." When he's miffed, both his inner monologue and the things he says tend toward 'uncharitable analysis of your emotional weaknesses,' and this is something he periodically directs at Bruce / Jason / Damian. This is a kind of distancing that's about Tim-the-hostile-analyst and you-the-unfortunate-target-of-analysis.
(Caveats: I don't think Tim's above trying to pull rank if he can, but he rarely has the opportunity; Dick's not above jabs at other people's weaknesses when he's very defensive and feeling attacked - junkie, elevator - but IMO he's more likely to pull rank, whereas Tim's jabs are more likely to be wrapped up in insulting psychoanalysis, so e.g. Jason's insecurity is his problem. The Jan Brady of the Batfamily.)
You can see related similar-sounding-but-different issues if you look at some of their respective breakups. So e.g. Dick has a breakup with Babs in which she thinks he doesn't care about her, and Tim has a breakup with Cassie in which she thinks he doesn't care about her. And these breakups are different for six million reasons (among other things, Dick and Babs have a pretty intense romance, whereas, uh, Tim and Cassie have had one date and IMO she's very right that they're better off as friends).
But you also get some useful character notes:
Babs is wrongly anxious that Dick's mostly in love with nostalgia for their past rather than the person she is now (he 100% does love the person she is now!) and she's being unfairly bitchy about Catalina, but she's also correctly noted that he's gotten into the habit of deprioritizing their relationship in favor of vigilante busywork & that he's been a bit pushy in swooping in protectively rather than letting her fight her own battles, so when she's accusing him of being a control freak it's not completely coming from thin air; Dick responds by getting hurt, upset, and direct (he gets furious and punches something, but then makes a big sweet sincere emotional speech to her about how much he cares and values her, albeit one that's so caught up in his own emotions like wanting to "protect" her that he's not slowing down enough to take in her insecurities).
Cassie has correctly realized that dating Tim is a bad coping mechanism and she really needs to just deal with her grief over Conner; when she starts crying, at first Tim moves to comfort her, but when she actually clarifies the breakup, an upset Tim responds by aggressively de-emotionalizing the conversation and pretending he's being totally logical and not emotional about it - he first wonders aloud if he's a bad detective for not seeing it coming and then attempts a bonkers guilt-trip suggestion that it's their duty to date in order to uhhh avoid turning evil in the bad future (sdfsfdsfdsfds sure tim nice try)
This isn't because Tim literally doesn't have feelings, because of course he does! But often, the more upset he is, the worse he gets at clearly expressing those feelings, and the more he intellectualizes them or avoids discussing them.
(Caveat: The trouble with any distinction is that it's easy to exaggerate it in ways that are oversimplified, and I want to emphasize that this doesn't reduce to "Dick always expresses emotions, Tim is never emotional," or anything like that. Dick has a bunch of complicated feelings about the intensity of his emotions because he values control and detachment and often is trying to be more detached (I talk more about this in the context of anger here and here); Tim often retreats to faux-analytical detachment when he's actually very emotional; and these are tendencies rather than one-note 24/7 truths - Dick is completely capable of intellectualizing away his emotions; Tim is completely capable of just getting straightforwardly and directly upset. But if you're looking for broad distinctions, I think it's fair to say that Dick's usually better at directly using his words and expressing his emotions, even if he sometimes feels self-conscious shame about it later, whereas Tim tends to self-sabotage and deflect and hide by producing intellectualized faux-logic instead of just being direct about what he wants or what he's feeling.)
An unrelated issue is that Tim also tends to get intrusive when he's anxious, and it gets worse the more he cares about you. Tim really really really wants to know what's going on and has an intense Need To Help, which generally works out for him - this is the entire reason he pushes his way into the Batfamily! - but it's easy to imagine Tim running into people who might not appreciate his busybody sneakiness; so e.g. secretly stalking your friend because he has a bruise, or running your friend's DNA, etc., is... stuff that all comes from how much Tim cares, but also it involves a very fuzzy relationship with other people's privacy, so Tim's friendships that stick around tend to be with people who find this kind of intense observation to be caring rather than pushy. Relatedly, Tim's version of "be protective" can overlap with "be condescending," which means he tends to get along best with confident people like Bruce, who could punt him into a wall and who thus finds Tim's 'disapproving medic' shtick endearing instead of insulting.
Tim also struggles to connect to people for whom he doesn't have an obvious "script" or who don't respond to his usual scripts. So e.g. offering Gar a "you don't like me but let's be friends" handshake worked; offering Cass a "let's be friends" handshake worked; offering the same thing to Damian did not go over so well; and I think this kind of "it usually works so this is my habit now?" thing is very Tim, and I don't think it's the sort of mistake that Dick would make.
More broadly, because Tim's people skills are conscious and learned - the effort sometimes shows! He stares at people. He secretly spies on them. He pokes around in their secrets. Dick can be paying close attention to you and seem like he's not, so that his awareness seems effortless and less intrusive. I think Tim's awareness tends to be a bit more effortful.
That said, though, I don't think that Tim's intensely-observing-you shtick is necessarily obvious except to people who are fairly socially-skilled themselves. When I write fanfic, I generally write from Dick's POV, and I tend to write Dick being hyperaware of when, say, Tim's observing him, or trying to figure out what's going on with him. But I think of that as more "Dick's good at reading Tim and really aware of being watched, so every attempt at subtlety stands out in neon lighting," and I think to someone who's less good at reading people than Dick is, Tim is a lot subtler.
And I think for e.g. someone like Cass, who really struggles with people skills, Tim seems impossibly and naturally good at interactions in the same way that to Tim, Dick seems incredibly good at it.
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haliteatiger · 8 months ago
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Happy Werewolf Wednesday, ya'll! We're serving up a big pot of tea tonight so get those cups ready!
Special thanks to Blackbackedjackal and King for their help in putting this together, editing, and especially to Jackal for being so supportive and encouraging. I'm very much not normally the type to do call-out posts, but people need to be aware of Dogblud, as she has hurt, not only myself, but quite a few others as well, and seems to have somehow gotten away with behaving like this for 20-odd years. I'm of the mind she shouldn't be allowed to do so any more, hence this post.
TL;DR - Beware of Dogblud, aka Ashryn, aka DogofBlud, aka ThatDogMagic. Very, very long post under the cut.
With everything happening with DogBlud and Blackbackedjackal's studio, I felt emboldened to come forward with my own experiences with her. This is something I've been carrying around since it happened roughly 2 years ago. It was one of the main reasons that put me off drawing werewolves, my own characters, or engaging any more in the fandom. I've hinted at it a few times but I've never had the energy to come forward and deal with the fall out. I wanted to move on with the rest of my life because IRL was more important than online drama. And I knew her behavior would come back to bite her sooner or later, regardless of what I did. 
It's been very validating to see that I was right.
It was around the time that Blud and I became friends that I was feeling a bit burnt out on werewolves. I'd been trying to pull together my own werewolf-related project for something close to 12 years. The past 4 years had also been pretty draining on me creatively and socially, as it had for a lot of artists with regards to the pandemic. I also had some IRL things I was dealing with: mainly with my marriage and transitioning between medications to manage my anxiety + bipolar.
Unfortunately, I didn't have the foresight to screenshot everything at the time. I do have logs from back when we roleplayed together. There are several conversations in them but because they were saved as text documents, they're pretty dubious in terms of solid evidence. 
It would have been better if I had taken screenshots as it was happening, rather than just saving the logs. With what I *do* have, however, I feel as though it may be enough to make the point that I'm trying to make, and to exhibit how horrible things got.
I'll provide some context.
I had talked with Blud on and off over the years, and we had always gotten along. We had a lot in common and after we had started talking more, our friendship eventually grew into a collaborative project. We were going to combine our stories and write a comic based on it. We had a lot of discussions on how Blud was reticent to do this in the beginning and how she wanted a contract to be made up so that in the event that something *did* happen, we could both walk away feeling like it was handled fairly.
Honestly, I should have listened to the first alarm that went off in my brain, when, in an act of ominous foreboding she said something along the lines of don't be so sure, it could happen. It was in response to me being like "we're getting along so well and share so much of a bond right now. I can't fathom that being a problem!" 
The contract never materialized. It was something we had decided to do *after* we had put together something of a prototype project to see how well we worked together. It made complete sense to me at the time as we were both eager to focus on the fun parts of writing and drawing together.
It was decided that I would be the lead artist (doing coloring and final lines) while Blud would do everything else (which was inking, layouts, and the majority of the writing). The both of us felt that she had more experience in those areas. I also believed that she had a better knack for it as well. I had felt that she had a better understanding of story structure than myself. And I thought that Blud had felt the same way about my art. That I had the experience to take point on that. 
Since I had collaborated with other artists and writers before, I attempted to approach the project with the same sort of professionalism I always do. Especially the projects that I genuinely thought stood a chance of being published in the future. We had started out trying to get a feel for each other's flows and rhythms. I had expected Blud to try and meet me in the middle of where our processes would potentially differ from one another, so that we could develop a fairly smooth workflow.
I had also expected, according to our discussions on the matter, that we would value each other's opinions on things and take them into consideration. We had such good synchronicity already.
In the beginning, there wasn't any unusual behavior that caught my attention. Blud was a bit uncomfortable with trying out new things but I did my best to accommodate her so that our project could move forward without too much turbulence. She had also mentioned to me before that she was autistic, and since my husband is also autistic, I knew how difficult it could be when it came to adapting to new routines. But when it was time for her to deliver the first set of layouts, it wasn't at all what I expected.
What I had expected was something with margins, clearly marked boxes, and figures that I could do rough lines over. I also expected notes that confirmed what we had discussed earlier about the project; that way I knew what she wanted or if there would be any changes. She took offense to this, feeling like I was violating our agreement. Though Blud did try to give me space with regards to the actual art, and while she would offer criticisms here and there, I trusted her opinion as an artist and as a friend. But apparently that didn't go both ways. In fact, Blud seemed to be offended that I expected more from her.
Blud agreed to concede. She suddenly seemed fine with the changes that I had asked for after seeing the layouts. I guess she was feeling overstimulated by the change and I might have been applying too much of a critical tone to her responses to begin with. I have had to deal with rejection sensitivity throughout my life and it's certainly prompted me to approach what people say to me online with a bit of scrutiny (sometimes too much).
And while I was mildly annoyed, although admittedly I was more concerned with Blud's overall reaction to my asking for clarification about several things in the layouts, I let it go. But it seemed like there was a problem. The majority of my ideas were either rejected or outright overridden with Blud convincing me that my faulty memory had made me unable to remember what we had agreed upon. Or that I might have been misremembering in my own favor.
There was one time where we were discussing a monster's design. Blud had already decided to settle on one design that she had come up with, even as I continued to offer other suggestions. The story was to take place in my setting, so I was under the impression that I got to decide what kind of creatures should populate it. The conversation ended somewhat ambiguously. I had assumed that we'd come to a solid conclusion later. 
I came back the next day and it turned out that we were using her design because that was what we had decided on. "Don't you remember? You really need to do something about that faulty memory of yours, Tek. I can't be doing this for you all the time."
At which point, Blud would go back and meticulously scour the conversation until she managed to find a set of lines that would make it seem as though I had 100% agreed. Even when I tried to explain that I had meant something else, she took it as an affront on her inability to understand nuances due to her autism.
I admit that my memory isn't that greatest at times, but I've never had anyone complain about it before. And none of my friends have ever minded providing reminders to me if I did misremember something incorrectly. We all forget stuff at times, right? It's *still* something that I'm self-conscious about because (like a lot of people with ADHD) my memory seems selective at times. This was, apparently, a problem that I needed to manage. 
And even as I'm remembering these incidents to the best of my ability, I've already spent so much time recounting all of this to friends. I feel confident in my recollection. There are some details that may overlap or become entwined with other things, but it all basically tells the same story. Especially in conjunction with what's been said by others. You're free to take it as hearsay since I do not have screenshots to back this up.
I will mention (since I've been told it's something that Blud has taken particular interest in) that at one point, I did have a crush on her. I was having some problems IRL, and it was nice to have someone whom I felt actually understood me. I also felt like I saw a lot of myself in her. I think that, at one point, I did describe her as the kind of "girlfriend" I would want. Blud seemed to indicate the feeling was mutual.
Between our collaborative partnership and all of the details we shared about our lives, it did feel like an intimate relationship at times. I had no intentions of pursuing it. We were not compatible in our romantic and sexual identities, and I had no intention of leaving my current partner for her.
I had begun to notice red flags, even if I wasn't ready to accept them yet.
I've had experience with abusive relationships in the past but they were in person, and not online. I knew what to look out for and yet I was being willfully ignorant about our friendship. I wanted to give Blud the benefit of the doubt. I wanted the project to work *so* badly that I was willing to work with her increasing demands as the months went by.
I had no idea that those demands would change into, quite literal, temper tantrums. It would then trigger my fawning response which was due to an abusive family situation that I had dealt with before I moved to Canada. The tactic was this: concede to someone until there was a time that they either understood reason or I had the chance to use it against them if necessary.
I started to take screenshots. I wish that I had taken a lot more of them so that everyone could get a better idea of what was happening. I did go back and manage to record the majority of the first outburst. It was the first inkling I had that Blud wasn't playing with a full deck of cards. I knew that that would be one of the first conversations that she would promptly delete. And consequently, I was right.
This assortment of screenshots will exhibit the first serious confrontation that Blud had with me. I am absolutely *not* proud of how I handled this. I was literally panicking at the time and doing whatever I could to get her to calm down. Because I have a temper that can look similar to this in person, I knew that I had to wait until the post-tantrum clarity would hit Blud. I tried my best to not lose my own temper in turn but looking back, I feel that I came off as sounding too timid.
I didn't want to ruin this project.
I wanted to make a comic with an individual that I admired and respected as a fellow artist. And, with me not knowing how to respond, my main priority was to not make things any worse than they already were.
Below is the conversation in its entirety:
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I had taken this screenshot on my phone after I had stepped away to compose myself. Blud had handled the confrontation and criticism with a reasonable amount of apprehension. But what had not occurred to me was that I could have said something that would remind her of past experiences with a roleplaying group.
It was something that had evidently scarred Blud for life.
I took away the wrong things from what she had told me, choosing to focus on the aspects of the "betrayal" that had appeared to bother her the most. And in hindsight, I did not see the correlation. I was genuinely apologetic that I had hurt her feelings.
But I *will* critique Blud for her poor handling of the situation. Whether or not I had hurt her feelings, no one is entitled to act like this or claim that this is what attempting to resolve a problem should look like.
I wasn't sure on how to initially respond to Blud. It had been ages since I'd had to deal with someone flying off the handle like that.
The following screenshots are where the conversation picked up, after she had already deleted the above message:
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We had weathered the "storm" and after Blud calmed down, she was ready to communicate. There was a part of me that was genuinely sincere when I apologized to her. I did mean it when I said that I had no intentions of hurting her and that I hadn't considered how my statement would sound to her.
I had hoped that this had been a stress response due to factors outside of our collaboration. And especially when I took into account how she had interacted with me in the past. I knew that Blud had a lot going on IRL, and that she had already put a considerable amount of energy into this project.
I had taken her meltdown more personally than she could perceive that I would, because this was something that was acceptable to her. She had a "condition" that would absolve her of these abhorrent meltdowns and I needed to get used to them if we were going to continue working on that project together.
I was shaking the entire time we were typing in the chat.
I was sincere in my responses. I really did want to work things out with Blud and give her the benefit of the doubt. I could have been taking the things that she said too personally or maybe I had been reading too much into the situation. Was there a chance that I could have been misreading her outburst? I tried my best to keep an open mind though I was still somewhat baffled by the fact that she would have meltdowns as often as she did.
I confided in my husband and some other friends about the situation. They were also bewildered by Blud's actions.
By this point, I was struggling with the reality that this collaboration was most likely *not* going to work out but I still wanted to try. I still cared about Blud. We would still hang out together and talk about things like music, our characters, or our stories.
While I did have the foresight to go back and screenshot this section, I wasn't fast enough to get screenshots of everything else that I will be going over. Blud *did* admit to going back and deleting certain exchanges due to a mixture of shame; not wanting to look at them when she would scroll through our conversations. 
In retrospect, it was very telling.
And even after that meltdown, I still enjoyed the friendship that I had with her. I kept my guard up but I was willing to make compromises on her behalf if it resulted in better communication between the two of us. Blud made me promise to immediately tell her if I had a problem with something. I also agreed to keep notes of our conversations.
It worked for the most part.
In the end though, it became apparent that Blud wasn't willing to do the same for me (even after we had an extended conversation about it). I then realized that I had been tasked with basically *managing* her autism for her. I was already busy with my supposedly "bad memory" at the time; and Blud was more than ready to scroll back up through our conversations to cherry-pick a line or two of text to remind me of what was said earlier.
Because, for her, circumstances couldn't ever change. If they did, it would mean that Blud had lost control of the situation and that she was in the wrong. She could *not* be in the wrong. 
And if she was in the wrong? It would take solid evidence, three witnesses, and a court of law to prove it.
She had two other major meltdowns after this. I managed to step away from communicating with her through one of them and I don't remember the other meltdown lasting very long. She immediately deleted the texts of both of those instances before I could take screenshots of them.
It seemed like I could do nothing right when it came to Blud, no matter the lengths I would go to accommodate her. I knew that it was a common tactic used by abusers. I finally accepted that our partnership wasn't going to work out and I began thinking about an exit strategy. The final straw was when she began to expect me to be at her beck and call.
I had promised that I would be there for her, within reason, and I was willing to offer reassurances whenever she would ask me for them. The promise had been made back when we had first started to talk to one another with more frequency, before Blud had shown me her true colors. I would end up completely underestimating just how badly she would need reassurance.
To be frank, I underestimated a lot about Blud in the beginning.
I would end up mentioning that I enjoyed my space in several different conversations with her. That there was a chance that I might be offline for several days so I could take care of things IRL and recharge my social batteries. I'm somewhat of a recluse. And an adult who enjoys things that aren't online.
She said that it was fine.
I became incredibly anxious when I would talk to Blud, especially after her somewhat abrupt change in personality.
I then attempted to put my foot down about boundaries and this is what she had to say:
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I decided to walk away for a bit and I came back after I had had some time to think things over. This wasn't healthy for either of us. I wrote a couple of sentences to say goodbye to Blud before I blocked her. I knew that my actions would probably infuriate her. She had told me in the past that she *hated* not being able to have the final word... which she was able to do through email:
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“And I'm not letting you pretend you have control over the situation, or the high ground. You distinctly have neither. But since you're determined to stick to your 'principles' on this, I've decided to make it easier for you.”
She thought that she was absolved of all sins just because I had said that I would stand by her at her worst. And at the time that I said that, I had no idea that her worst would be her trying everything possible to protect her boundaries while stomping all over mine. It didn't matter what she said or how often she would apologize when I would confront her. She kept doing it.
I admit that I wasn't perfect in this situation either.
There were times when I was condescending, critical, or downright mean when I talked to Blud because that was the way I had felt when she was talking to me. I soon realized that it didn't matter either way. I could have been using the friendliest tone imaginable and she still would have perceived it as either mocking or dismissive on my end. There were even a few times where I would preface my explanations with an advisory “please know that I am not attacking you and try to read this in an understanding tone,”etc. I would then post an explanation I had spent hours picking at to ensure that there was no way she could misinterpret the intent. Even so, she still read the majority of what I said as criticism and would take it to heart.
I never expected Blud to do something that made her uncomfortable; nor did I expect her to overextend herself when it came to our project. I would go out of my way to make sure everything was fine when we would talk about it. I only expected mutual respect in return.
When we would get into discussions (arguments), she would never attempt to understand my point of view or let me explain myself. It would have made it about me when it should have been about Blud and her needs. She sometimes would agree to come to a compromise about something, but only if I would admit that I was in the wrong.
I know that if Blud was to look at these screenshots, she'd be incredulous that I'm trying to distract from the horrible things that *I* did. And those horrible things that I did? I tried my best to work with her.
It wasn't just her poor teamwork that bothered me. It was her attitude and the lack of respect that she showed me. She would never ask me to clarify something that I said; always assuming that it was a criticism against her. I can only speculate that Blud did not want to hear about how any of this was her fault, like in the email she sent me.
I don't know if I was actually her friend at any point. Friends make efforts to understand one another. Ideally, they’d want their friendships to continue, and they would want everyone to be getting along and having fun. She seemed to actively defy that.
I would argue that things like this don't just happen in a vacuum. There's almost always a reason for such things, but it's honestly a mystery to me as to where this vitriol comes from. I don't know why Blud sees monsters in every word, especially if they come from a  "friend". 
I've seen her viscously mock herself during meltdowns; it seems like she hates herself and expects everyone else to hate her too. I think that she wants it to be the truth, so that it validates the feelings she has about herself. The behavior patterns that I'd been exposed to are consistent with the idea that Blud is seeking confirmation about the personal assumptions she has about herself. It's what makes her so volatile to those around her. Yet, she refuses to break the cycle.
I hope that she can make that choice in the future but at this point, I'm not holding my breath.
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redbatchedcumbermayned · 7 months ago
Text
It all started under a duvet held up by an oar
Not so long ago I emailed Chris Tester, the voice of Heinrix van Calox in Owlcat’s recently released CRPG Rogue Trader, and asked if he would like to sit for an interview with me. Having some experience in interviewing people I like, most famously Oscar winner and all-around sweetheart Eddie Redmayne, this was not a completely nerve-wracking endeavour. And within a day of sending my email, Chris said yes. And what a pleasure it was interviewing him: Chris was so generous with his time, that the agreed upon 30 minutes turned into 50 minutes as we brushed upon many topics from his start as a theatre actor to his first voice-over role in a video game to his recently discovered hobby of playing D&D. Of course, we also spoke about all things Warhammer 40k, his new found fame brought on by voicing Heinrix and the insights he could share about the character.
I will publish this interview in three parts over the next week in text form and with the accompanying audio file (the audio quality is not spectacular but tumblr limits uploads to 10MB). If you quote or reshare, please quote me as the original source.
Part 2 of the interview
Part 3 of the interview
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Fran: Thank you very much for taking your time.
Chris Tester: That's no problem. No problem at all.
F: So then let's start. You graduated in 2008.
CT: I did. Yes.
F: You started out as a stage actor. Did you always want to become a stage actor or an actor in general? Tell us a bit about your career.
CT: I always wanted to be a stage actor. Yes, as soon as I knew that I wanted to be an actor, which probably wasn't until I was a teenager. But yeah, my first passion was always the stage, and that was kind of borne out in my career. I would have been open to TV and film of course, if it had come along, I'm a huge fan of TV and film as well, but I never got an audition for any TV or film work.
I think I literally did about three short films in my 10, 12 years of actually professionally acting, and it is one of those industries where the more you do of one thing, the more you seem to find yourself doing the same thing to a degree. So yes, watching Shakespeare from an early age was one of my first passions.
And that was what first planted the seed of wanting to do it myself. The whole aspect of live performance is still something that I'm very passionate about. Up until 2020, when the world changed, I was trying to do two or three theatre shows a year, but since 2020, I haven't been near a stage and I doubt right now, especially with the way that the UK theatre scene is going, that I'm going to be back on stage anytime soon. I am resigned to that, but at some point in my career, I know I will be on stage again, because I can't live without it, but only for the right thing, both financially, but more importantly, creatively.
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F: Your production company is currently on hiatus?
CT: I was the producer of a theatre company, which was run and was the baby of the director of the company, a guy called Ross Armstrong, who's one of the most talented writers and directors that I've ever worked with. I was helping out with a lot of the administration stuff so that he could still put me in plays. Instead of creating my own work because I'm not a very good writer or the best writer in the world, I support those people who will write me good parts. So yes, it is currently on hiatus, but never say never, we would always be looking to get back. It's difficult right now. It's difficult for all of us, because arts council subsidy, that way of being able to fund stuff, is drying up. We were doing a national tour of the UK when we were doing that [with the support of a subsidy]. There's even less money, there's even more people. I won't bore you with anything more than that, but it's kind of tough. We'd like to come back, but in the right way, and that's tricky to negotiate.
F: It's always hard as a stage actor to earn a living.
CT: Well, I've been spoiled by voice-over as well, and whereas when I was in my 20s and 30s then you're all about your art. And of course, I'm still all about my art, but I'm also about my wife and my cat and the mortgage and the bills and wanting to have nicer things to a degree as well. I've come to terms with that and voice-over does facilitate that as well as it opens you up to different roles and working with different people. So, I can't complain.
F: It's quite similar with making a living as a writer, because with a steady income you get used to a certain standard of living and once you have obligations and bills to pay, I think the stress on your mental health being creative and having all the stresses of regular life thrust upon you brings with it a challenge.
CT: It's a cliche we can very easily fall into: if I'm suffering, then it means I'm an artist. And that's not necessarily very true. It very often means that the art that we create only reflects one aspect of our lives, and it's usually a very tortured one. I am also about having wider experiences and broadening myself out. Whereas I think when I was in my twenties, I was thinking a bit more like: Oh, I'll experience the world and life through my art and just purely through my art. Whereas now necessarily I need to have a life outside of it as well, and then I can justify like I have the life so that I can feed my art or not, whatever. You know, I'll be a better artist by having a bit of a life outside of it. Maybe.
F: But that's what your twenties are for.
CT: Yeah, indeed.
F: Doing the crazy stuff, doing the band stuff 
CT: Yeah, yeah, exactly. So, there was certainly an aspect of that in my twenties.
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F: So, what brought you to voice acting or voice-over work initially?
CT: Money. Video game stuff is kind of sexy and cool, and I'm a gamer, so that's important. Before I was a video gamer, I was a board gamer and off the back of that, I was a voracious video gamer, partly because I wasn't very good at team sports at school. I was always the person who was picked last in the football team. So that becomes part of your identity for better or worse. But video games, I was pretty good at, not amazing, but I was pretty good at, and I enjoyed it. And it gave me a different form of escapism as well, and off the back of that I always had an interest in them. 
So, the very first voiceover job was a video game: Dark Souls, which is quite a big franchise. At that time, I was your very typically jobbing actor. My acting agent came in and said: I got something for you. And so, I went in with that. But it was only in 2016, 2017 that I realised it was something that you could actually do yourself. People had recording studios at home and they were contacting people directly, not just going through agents. Because I'd basically written to the same 20 voice agents in the UK, mainly in London for like eight years in a row and not received anything. So, you keep knocking on those doors hoping. 
Before I'd even graduated from drama school, I'd burnt a CD and made these cases with my headshot on it and sent them all off at what at the time felt like great personal expense and didn't get anything for eight years in a row.  So, I was a bit like, I'm obviously doing something wrong, but I don't really know what, because I'm doing these workshops and getting good feedback. Then I found out through a couple of online courses, that there were ways and means of doing it myself, and that was a bit of a game changer for me, and within six months of having started, I was earning more through voice work than the bar job and the box office job that I was doing combined. Within six months, I was kind of like: “I gotta quit because I'm actually holding myself back from things.” So that was quite a big shift.
F: Somewhere you said, you started out under a duvet and with an oar.
CT: Yeah. On my website, I do have an image of it. [Dear reader, I could not locate this elusive photo] I literally had to take the duvet off my bed and put it into the living room, which was the quietest space in my then shared flat. I also had to wait until after one flat mate had watched TV and another one had used the table that had their washing on it. One of my flat mates had stolen an oar from some night out and that was perfect in order to be able to erect it over my head and the duvet as a frame. 
I did probably the first four or five months of voice recording like that. Probably about 10, 15 voiceover jobs that I actually got paid for, I was using that because it worked well enough. Since then, I've gone through various different iterations of a setup in the bedroom, to a setup in the hallway, to my current setup. In 2020 we moved to our first house, and this is the spare bedroom which I've had converted into a studio, which means my cat can be here asleep on me or near me getting fur everywhere, but it's fine. I can thrash around and I've got natural light to work in at the same time, which I find quite important. [Pictured below Chris' current setup.]
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F: Very pretty. That's good. Guide us through a typical day of yours, if you like.
CT: Oh, sure. I mean, there is no typical day. And yet, and yet, and yet. A typical day for me is, because I am spending the vast majority of the day sitting in this room or somewhere close to this room, because I may need to record at short notice, because the vast majority of jobs are quite short notice. My priority is exercise for mental health more than anything. I've got some weights at the bottom of the garden, and I will get up first thing, and I will go there and I will do that after breakfast. And that's my minimal routine of physical activity done. 
And then I'll come back, and this is so rock and roll. Now what I do is, I spend like an hour on LinkedIn. And that's what you dreamed of as a creative person. Isn't it as an actor? I spend time on LinkedIn regularly every day, because it's a really good networking place for a lot of my types of work, and first thing in the morning, I'm a bit mentally sharper. So that's when I come up with a quick post that may be inspired by a bit of content that I've made elsewhere. That probably takes about 20 minutes and then I spend another 45 minutes to an hour engaging with people and saying hi and introducing myself and asking questions, whether that's with video producers or game developers or documentary makers or pretty much anything and everything. There are a lot of people who are active at that time. And so I do it.
And then after that, if I already have some recording lined up, then I'll prioritise mid-morning, because I've warmed up physically a bit more then, and I'm focused. So, you're going through the scripts, annotating the scripts, recording the scripts, editing the scripts. But then there could be live sessions at any time within that as well. I try to keep hours from nine till six. But occasionally, like with Rogue Trader, that was recorded at various different times of the day because we had people in New York, we had people in mainland Europe, and we had people in the UK. So all different time zones, so that can happen at any time. 
And then I try to do other kinds of bits and pieces of marketing whenever I've got free time to. I do use really exciting productivity hacks, like time blocking. Again, not something that as a creative individual, I was like: Oh God, this gets me so excited, because it doesn't, but it works. It's finding a system that works for you, but still has a certain kind of flexibility and fluidity. I'm trying to make sure that I get outside of the house, and that kind of stuff. 
Recently, over the last year, I’ve started doing audiobooks as well. That long form type of thing is quite nice to be able to dip into because sometimes you don't record for two, three days. You don't get the work. Nothing’s coming in. So, you’re marketing, but it kind of connects you back to the performance side of things to go: I can do a few chapters and you know, that kind of thing. So that's probably it. I try to formalise it, but you know, every voice actor’s day is radically different. There are people, some of the biggest names, going into different studios every week or every day. I very rarely, despite being based in London, I very rarely go into external studios. Like I would say 99 percent of the work I just do from home.
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F: So how do you find the right voice for the specific type of voiceover work you do, maybe start with how did you find Heinrix's voice?
CT: Thankfully, Owlcat sent through quite a detailed casting breakdown. So, you get a picture, and that's pretty crucial, as well as a short bio, in terms of the background of the character, but not too much, because you have to sign an NDA, a non-disclosure agreement. But even if you do sign an NDA, I think developers are always slightly hesitant of giving you too much info about the game because things could still be changed. But I think I did get a picture of Heinrix, if not in the first audition, then certainly on the second one. From that you immediately think about the physicality and what might affect the voice, and there was also some direction in terms of what they were looking for. Anybody who has heard the character and me, they do not sound radically dissimilar. There's not a transformative process that I needed to go through, other than his sense of authority and the space that he takes up and the sureness that he has in that he has a kind of divine right from the emperor, so that level of confidence being brought through.
The other part of the audition was about the void ship [the Black Ship] that he'd been raised in and the horrors that he'd seen. And you as the actor have to do the detective work to go like this is showing another side, the more vulnerable side, the side that underpins all of his life choices up to this point. It's essentially playing the opposite to a degree. So it was kind of knowing when to let those elements bleed through a little bit. I think I had probably about a page worth of scripts, quite a lot of script actually to audition with. 
But I don't like to listen back to it a lot, because I think you get into your head. My biggest thing is stage work where it's ephemeral. You say it once and it could be different the next night. The whole point is that there's no one definitive way of doing things. Not quite the same with voice acting, where it's being recorded and you've got to get used to hearing it back. But I try not to overthink it. Just like record it two or three times with different impulses and then review and go like, those two seem pretty contrasting. I'll send those along and hope and then never hear anything back unless I do.
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upsidedownpaycheck · 5 months ago
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Doc 101
Shout Out for the 200+ followers!! Here's a New Story (including links to the original owners). I'm not the best of writers but meh, hope everyone enjoys :]
OH! and A very special thanks to ♡ yasmine ♡ who made this all possible for allowing me to use her audio's! Please do check out her YouTube and drop a "Swiss Role from tumblr" msg :) link:
links will be provided throughout the storyline
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx The Start xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Doc 101:
In the early stages of the fourteen hundreds, there was an undiclosed yearing for what seems to be a very odd doctor. She was avoided at all costs and there were reports of hearing metalic tables rumbling loudly at certain times of the early-misty night by late-night folks who happened to pass by. It was never really made clear on what caused these sounds however, people dared not to inspect her activity when she carries out all her strange projects-- until one patient decided to investigate, Patient 101(one-oh-one) AKA "The Private Eye Nearby".
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Like any visit to a doctor, a client needs to book their session with a valid reason in order to get checked upon by one. It was a very common occurrence for the night to be chilly, one could see the carbon dioxide exiting the mouth of another as if it were steam coming out of a hot cup o' soup, this was a perfect opportunity that the Doc used to prep a warm welcome to her clients before proceeding into her lair.
Patient 101 describes the doctor as "well defined, pleasant and friendly" he recalls the Doctor to have a very soothing voice. The detective tries to take note of everything along the way to her lair, mainly focusing on her features. She (The Doc) also mentions that he is her first male patient and would love to hear any questions they he has in mind. This was phenomenal to 101 as it provides him the chance to interview her during the checkup. The interrogation consisted of several phases.
Phase 1: The Handle The Doc prepares her files and equipment and lowers the height of the table. Patient 101 is asked to lie on the table while a cozy fire keeps the room well-lit and warm for the both of them. He keeps a small book and quill to document everything
Phase 2: The Interview (101 Opens the conversation:) "You treat your patients so lovely, why all the bad rumors?" The Doc Feels 101's heartbeat
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The Doc: "Breath in" "People don't like things they don't understand and my 'lair' doesn't help better my situation" "breath out"
Detective: "What situation?" The Doc takes her hand off 101's chest
The Doc: (Fetches Equipment for the table) "forget I said that" She tries to change the topic and although she looks away from 101… her eyes suddenly becomes teary
Detective: (Takes his Jacket off) "But you have customers here everyday! it is believed that you 'hide' their bodies and conduct strange projects on them?"
The Doc: the silence is loud while some time passes by (she wipes her teary eyes) "Those aren't bodies, they are realistic dummies I made to research something I'm working on"
Detective: "What are you researching?"
The Doc: she maintains her focus and measures 101's pulse with her fingers
"The problem you have at the moment, Cardiac Arrhythmias. The reason for your visit."
Detective: (stares into her eyes) "Well what more do you need to know if you have been doing research on it everyday?"
The Doc: The question caught her off guard and she couldn't help but to Blush in response "Um, well you know I've been working on like I said, uh research, I'd say it's for an emergency solution. It works by using a set charge of electrical energy that will send a great amount of current into a person which will grant the cardiac muscles in their heart enough energy to function again, provided that the moment of contact between the person and the current is true"
The Detective: (The Doc gently pushes her patient at the central chest to lie on the table) "How do you manage to access such levels of that 'set charge' you mentioned?"
The Doc: (Measures lower abdominal pulse) "When I rub a certain material long enough (She smirks), it stores this static energy which converts into this charge after it makes contact with special materials, It's not witchcraft like people think it is"
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The Detective: (giggles) "Soo what does this all achieve?"
The Doc: "It saves lives, it stops you from dying, it…"
The Detective: "Brings you back to life from the dead, how is that not witchcraft?"
The Doc: "Your heart, my heart and everyone else's twists, pumps and beats because of this charge energy, when your heart stops then it means that it lacks this energy and needs more of it to continue working"
The Detective: "Interesting…mind if you show me a demonstration? I believe that this is related to my condition after all" (101 places his palm on her chest) The Doc: "I don't know if that's a good idea. I don't want to kill my first patient"
https://www.tumblr.com/mangafascination/746117508199743488?source=share
[Audio link: https://youtu.be/nePPoZhUJds] The Detective: "I thought I was only your first male patient?"
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX End of Part 1 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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hopeswriting · 1 month ago
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Top KHR fanfics
hi nonny, thank you for the ask!
okay so i obviously haven't read all the khr fics out there, so this will be by no means an exhaustive list. but from the ones i've read? *crack knuckles* let's go through my bookmarks in no particular order!
also adding this after i finished answering the ask, but this just ended up being a list of arco fics and/or tsuna fics (+ the 10th gen and/or reborn). but like. are we surprised zfsdfdsf.
on ao3:
flip a coin [head for villain, tail for hero] by petroltogo
Superhero/Supervillain AU: All Sawada Tsunayoshi wants to do is help people. Considering his occupation as a Vongola Inc. superhero, you'd think that wouldn't be much of a problem. You'd be wrong. [Of course 'people' isn't supposed to include wanted supervillains. But it's hardly Tsuna's fault that the training manual doesn't specify that, is it.] Along the way, he learns to help himself.
this series is just so, so good! all the works in it are simply *chef's kiss*. the worldbuilding is amazing, the characters so in character and complex and with so many layers and depth to them. also it's obviously planned down to the last detail, so it's incredibly fun to follow along and try to piece the puzzle along with the various characters' pov.
The Boy in the Ice by eloquentelegance
A mysterious pillar of ice drops out of the sky and fuses with the grounds of Yuuei. It's not the strangest thing to happen, especially for this school. But the boy, frozen within, is strange - yes, very strange indeed.
haven't read chapter 2 yet, but i have no doubt it won't disappoint whenever i'll be able to get to it. as for chapter 1? a fucking masterpiece. it's a khr x bnha crossover, and i don't usually read crossover, but boy, am i glad this is one of the few i gave a chance to haha.
Yugen by Little_Miss_Bunny
In one world, Tsuna sacrificed his life to save the Arcobaleno. As soon as he drew his last breath, he opened his eyes again to see beaten students cowering in front of him and a bloody hammer in his hand.
it's been a while since i've reread this one, but i still have the reaction of "oh, this one was so, so good!!" whenever i come across it lol, so yeah. what i do remember is i absolutely love the depiction of hibari in this one as well as his dynamic with tsuna. also little miss bunny is one of my favorite khr writers, they're so good at crafting the different aus they come up with and making them feel real while still keeping the characters in character, i love it.
Target Acquired: Wicked Jester by poorasdirt
Colonnello has always been a military man. He understood what led to him being cursed. He understood why the others had been cursed. Or, well, why most of the others had been cursed. Skull's motivations had always been a mystery to him. Now that the curse had been lifted, Colonnello could finally sit back and try to puzzle it out. If only it were that easy. Or Colonnello's instincts were telling him something wasn't right and curiosity only kills cats.
i know for a fact i've already recc this one before, and i'm doing it again because it's just that good. <3 it's another one heavy on worldbuilding, which is funny because usually worldbuilding isn't exactly my thing, but how can i say no to them when they're all so well written like this. anyway it's a skull-centric fic through nello's pov, so of course i was all for it zfsegfdsds.
Starstruck by Little_Miss_Bunny
All Tsuna wanted was his siblings to be happy. So, he didn't see a problem attending a fan signing for one of the hottest bands to date, even if he had no clue who they were. He did start seeing a problem when more idols started appearing in his life. It got even worse when they just wouldn't leave him alone.
i love this one so, soo much! this is my favorite work of theirs. it's currently at 153k words tho, so not too sure how to summarize it lol, but just trust me on this one! it's more on the lighthearted one compared to their other works, tho still touch on serious stuff and do it well, but i'd still consider it a comfort (and funny) fic.
Scorching Ember by Little_Miss_Bunny
When the revered Sky Priestess suddenly passes away, everyone mourns. However, the world is soon engulfed by darkness, giving rise to creatures that seemed to only exist in folktales. With the gods mysteriously absent, there is no one to keep everything from descending into ruins—until a hunter finds a curious object in a barren creek.
another one from little miss bunny that i love so much!! maybe or maybe not because nello is the first arco to appear, so there's certainly no shortage of nello & tsuna interactions. more seriously tho zrfsdfds, this is another one where the worldbuilding has obviously been given a lot of care, and the characters are written so well, tsuna first of all, and it's just super fun to read.
Forever Family, Forever Vongola by AnimationNut
They're a group of insane, energetic, destructive and hyper people. But they also love each other, whether some are willing to admit it or not. Family sticks together, through thick, thin, and crazy.
the ultimate platonic/familial khr fic! with how many chapters it already has (57 for 195k words), you're bound to find more than one you'll love. some are connected, most are not. some are lighthearted fluff, some more on the heavy, serious side of things. but all chapters are written so well, and at their cores it's all about how much these guys love each other.
The Hottest of Flames can Melt the Strongest of Chains by Luki (KelpieCodyne)
I'm not a liar, but I close my eyes a lot by Seito
another incredible series that is just so, soo good! it's about tsuna not wanting to become vongola decimo and doing what he can so it won't happen. no happy endings yet, but the series isn't marked complete yet either, so we'll see.
It started with bang. A bullet casing falling to the ground; the clatter echoing off the walls. It started with Tsuna putting a bullet through the head of his enemy, unflinchingly. Blood spattered, flying, rolling down Tsuna's cheek. Brown eyes burn with orange fire, yet so, so, so cold. In another world, Reborn would have smiled. In this world, Reborn flinched.
i haven't reread this one in a long while, so i honestly... don't quite remember how it goes zqdsfds, but i still remember it was an amazing read all the same!! i mean, the summary alone is so good? also this writer is one of the best in the fandom imo, so yeah.
ozymandias was a punkass bitch (but he had the right idea) by Seito
“You want Vongola? You can have it,” Tsuna says serenely.
loved this one too! badass tsuna is always a treat, and i always love to see it.
last to fade by Trilies
Mammon's last breath is of rain and gunpowder. Before they make their choice, they consider lives lost and the options they have. There's not a lot. Set during the Millefiore timeline.
a look at what mammon's last moment could have been like. super well-written.
Striking Once by istilllikekhr
A peek into the universe where Nana Sawada was given the Lightning Mare Ring.
this one has an unsual pairing (byakuran & nana), but you'll be missing out if you don't give it a chance because of it. i also didn't have a clue what to expect when i first clicked on it, but when i tell you it did not disappoint. and the ending? oughhh. please give this a chance!
Sunny Skies Ahead by Ourliazo
Reborn is not yet the world's greatest hitman, not quite a proper Sky, and definitely doesn't want these ridiculous Guardians that he keeps running into.
sky arco reborn who does not want to be the sky arco? it's just as chaotic and funny as you might think zqefdddsf. the interactions in this are absolute gold, and it's just such a fun ride to see all the bonding happen despite reborn's best efforts lmao. also ourliazo is another one of my favorite khr writers. the way they write the arco and tsuna (and every other khr characters tbh)? absolute peak. and then you add their humor, and i will simply never be tired of their writing.
Sincerely, Scattered Shards by You_Light_The_Sky
Tsuna’s the foolish type to give a bit of his heart to anyone he meets. No one ever wanted his ugly heart shards until he met his Guardians. No one ever treasured his heart shards until them either. Hints of All27 and R27.
heartbreaking and heartwarming all at once. i actually had forgotten i had this one in my bookmarks, as well as the fic as a whole tbh 😅, but it all instantly came back to me like a punch in the gut. there's so much love in this one guys. the kind that hurts and the kind that heals and the kind that makes it all worth it in the end.
Forgotten Memories of a Broken Soldier by Maintenant
The Arcobaleno arrive at their collective house after their yearly meeting turned mission. Skull had been left there to cook them a warm meal for their return, seeing as he is useless in a mission, but it is not Skull they find when they return. Rather, it is, but it is not. For this Skull has cold eyes and harsher threats, and he doesn't know the rest of the Arcobaleno. Perhaps more importantly, the Arcobaleno find, is that they don't know Skull.
i love this one for the ending and the build up to it. it's a wip, but the first chapter can be read as a one shot (imo) so it works well. it's a skull is harry potter fic, and like i already said i don't usually read crossover fics, but this is another one i'm glad i gave a chance to.
Never Will Forget by Squoxie
Tell the ones, the ones I loved I never will forget
a song fic about skull surviving the rest of the arco. the summary alone always pulls at my heartstrings whenever i read it.
Beginnings And Middles But No Ends In Sight by Ourliazo
A compilation of the various chaotic missions that the Arcobaleno take on pre-curse - as well as the many dumb things they throw themselves into even without being paid for it. [Fon tries to trap a cockroach with a tissue, but it runs up his sleeve. Reborn watches as Fon flips his shit, rips off his sleeve, and punches the cockroach to death. Reborn is still laughing by the time Fon comes back from disposing of the corpse and washing his hands. "Thank you," Fon says pointedly, rather upset by the entire experience. Reborn is crying.]
this is the daily life arc - arco version fic as i like to call it. an absolute fucking ride as you can imagine. love it to fucking bits.
don't look at the child underneath the floorboards by Kosaji
Happiness is based on a just discrimination of what is necessary, what is neither necessary nor destructive, and what is destructive. - The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas Ursula K. Le Guin In which truths are realized and a choice is made.
the one where tsuna is freed from vongola thanks to his guardians. love it a lot.
Those Last Few Memories by Ourliazo
In one future, the Arcobaleno band together and try to fight off the Anti Tri-ni-set radiation.
the way my heart squeezes whenever i think of this fic. so heartbreaking and so well written. and the ending? oughhh. you just have to read this one!
on ff.net:
Rage Vs Hope By: ariathal2410
The order was to kill anything that moved, the city was too far gone to hope for survivors. But if there was one thing Colonnello didn't sign up for, it was killing kids. (28 Weeks Later AU, eventually merges into a semi-au) eventual all27?
zombies au that is both nello and tsuna centric! alternate between both their povs too. there's other canonical characters as well as ocs, but they're written well and enjoyable to read about too.
How to Survive the Fae By: MikeLamp
As the trees around them collapse, Tsuna's eyes don't stray from the human trembling before him, "So tell me," he hisses, eyes glowing, "where is your King now?" She whimpers instead of answering. In a world where the fae haunt the overgrown forests and angels control the cities with an iron fist, Tsuna doesn't want to just survive anymore.
another fantasy au that still manages to keep the characters true to themselves and is super well written. it's arco27 (seems to be anyway), with skull and who is likely fon in the last chapter being the only arco who appeared so far. and the skull & tsuna interactions in this? *chef's kiss* i love them.
Just Another Tuesday By: ariathal2410
Tsuna doesn't know why all this supernatural shit started happening in his life, but he'd really like it to stop now please. Mild Arco27
this is one of my favorite khr comfort fics. funny and fluffy with just the right amount of protectiveness and possessiveness from the arco (as well as flirtiness tbh lol).
come get me By: MakeItVoid
Reborn waits a little impatiently for someone to come get him. He doesn't know what to do now. The fire is creeping closer. (Reborn doesn't want to die like this.)
this is imo one of the best written reborn i've ever read about. maybe even the best one? either way i just love so, so much the way he's written in this fic, i couldn't not have added it to this list.
Gokudera Hayato By: rynoa29
It hurts more than you think it would, but your face can't help but to beam with pride.
a look at gokudera and his dynamic with the key people around him throughout his life. a lovely and well written exploration of his character.
and that was the last fic of the list! by which i mean there's actually more haha, but these are the cream of the crop among my favorite khr fics.
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shhh-secret-time · 9 months ago
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Part 2 is 21 pages. Part 1 was 16 pages. Combine that together and that's a 37 page request I pumped out in a day.
oops.
Warning: NSFW, Strong-Language, Dirty Talk, Slight Praise Kink, a bit of jealous behavior, mention of character death, bug violence(?), bit of PTSD
Pairing: Gunslinger!Kyle x Fem!Reader
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When you finally woke up, the first thing that came to your mind was just how dry your mouth felt. You swallow roughly and it burns the back of your throat in a different way the alcohol of last night did. It felt like you were trying to swallow steel wool, forcing what little saliva pooled in your mouth down your throat.
The second thing was the fact the horse had gone back to a slow trot. No longer could you hear hooves on cobblestone. The wind was no longer whipping around your head and through your hair. The smell of the city long gone, now replaced with a deep earthy scent.
The third was the feeling of Kyle's arms still wrapped around you, one pulls away from your side for a moment. You feel him move around, trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes. He presses his fingers into his heavy eyelids before returning them to the reigns.
Finally, all three things fall into place as you piece it all together. Kyle feels the way your body bolts up away from his chest and brings his horse to a stop. He pulls her off to the crummy dirt road and off to the side.
"Oh! I apologize! I didn't mean to fall asleep like that! I can't believe I just passed out!" Panic sets into your voice and guilt eats at you when you realize he probably rode all through the night.
"It's fine ma'am. I figured you could use the rest. Please don't take any offense or nothin' but you look like you ain't seen much shut eye." Kyle smiles at you holding his hand up to try and settle you.
"I-.... you’d be right. Still, that's no excuse. You're still a stranger, the fact that I just fell asleep like that..."
"A stranger you shot a man for. A stranger you saved from gettin' strangled to death. I never did get to thank you for that." He pauses for a moment as he gets down from the horse. Kyle takes the reigns with him, choosing to walk along aside the horse now. "I've only had a few people in my time willin' to do somethin' like that for me and I at least know their names."
It hits you like a brick. In less than twenty-four hours you got into your first ever bar fight, shot a shotgun, slugged a man with said shotgun, all but bribed the sheriff, ran off with a man who didn't even know your name, and then fell asleep on said man who didn't even know your name. You catch yourself staring down at the handsome gunslinger, breaking yourself out of the daze trance like stare. It was hard not to admire him; looks aside he's been nothing but a delight to you. It would have been all too easy for him to just dump you off somewhere, leaving you and your problems behind.
Instead, here he was. Walking alongside you and his horse, without even so much as asking you about your business. Why you wanted to go out West, or why you needed to hire him in the first place. You hadn't even told him how much you were paying him for all of this.
"Ma'am?" Oh, right, your name.
"I'm being all types of rude, aren't I? I'm sorry..."
"Ain't nothin' to apologize for. I figured you got a reason for keepin' secrets. If you don't wanna tell me, I ain't gonna make ya." He shrugs.
 It takes you a minute to gather your thoughts, but when you do you finally gain the courage to ask him. "Why are you being so accepting about all of this? Shouldn't you be surprised or at the very least upset?"
"The way I see it, you saved my skin back there twice. Once with Knucklehead and the other with the Sheriff." He says sheriff with a sneer, "I owe you. Besides the way you begged the sheriff to let us go, I could tell you were in some kind of trouble. Wouldn't be right of me to turn my back on someone who needed help."
"So, what, you're just doing this out of obligation and the kindness of your heart?"
That makes him laugh again, but he quickly shakes his head. "Guess you could put it like that. Walk the righteous path and clear all debts sort of ordeal. But I don't think it goes that deep. Like I told the bartender last night, I'm just a simple fella tryin' to make a livin'."
You sit on his horse in awe, if this was an act he was putting on it was a damn fine one. You run your fingers through the horse’s mane, brushing out the sand and dirt on the poor creature who must be so tired. She huffs a little, but she doesn't move her head, so you continue.
After a few moments of walking and silence, you tell him your name. Your full name.
Every time you speak, he gives you his full attention, looking up at you with that gentle smile. You expect his eyes to widen like everyone else's when you drop your last name, your family was famous after all. Instead, he nods along and practices the sound of your name on his tongue.
He says it again and hearing it whispered in that voice of his sounds divine. Once he likes the way it feels and sits, he turns back to the road and keeps walking.
"Pretty name...like the way it sounds. I hate the fact that I ain't gonna get to use it much." His lips purse, talking like he's just mumbling to himself.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, it wouldn't be real wise to be usin' your name if you're tryin' to go into hidin'. Even if we are on the road alone, I don't wanna take any chances. If I get in the habit of usin' your name, I ain't gonna wanna stop." He brings the rim of his hat down over his eyes trying to hide the blush on his face. Even though he says it with such confidence it's hard to look you in the eye.
He's not alone, his words have a greater effect on you than he knows. You pull the cloak still wrapped around your body closer to your form, burying your face in the material. Maybe you could just rub your flushed face away or at the very least it would buy you time to slow your heartbeat down.
Kyle was right about one thing. Your last name has brought you nothing but trouble your whole life. So, for now you'd get rid of it, toss it to the side like the various newspapers you saw littering the city streets. Let it drift away and be carried by the Eastern winds. It was time to leave the city girl you were raised to be behind; you were going out West now.
"The only thing I can't seem to wrap my head around." Kyle breaks the silence between you two again. "Is how someone like you learned to shoot like that."
"How do you mean? It doesn't take much to point a gun at someone and pull the trigger, can't really miss with a shotgun when you're that close."
"That's what I'm askin'. It don't take much to pull a trigger, but you knew how to hold it. Held her like you knew her."
"How'd a lawyers boy go from that to being a bounty hunter?" You ask, bringing up the little fact that Sheriff Cartman spat at him last night.
His lips press together in a thin line and for a moment you feel like you might have crossed a line. Said something you shouldn't have, but when his shoulders slump forward you can feel something different. It's not anger in his eyes, maybe regret? Hurt that rests behind those tired green eyes.
"I don't know why I'm tellin' you this. But we're gonna be together for a while, might as well make conversation I suppose." Again, he talks like he's not really talking to you. His inner thoughts spilling from his mouth like brandy in a bottle. "It was bandits."
Your blood runs cold, that could mean anything but, in this context, you had a feeling it wasn't a good one. Your fingers brush down the coat of the horse as he talks, finding comfort in the animal. You can feel the warm and gentle breathing coming from her. If you squint, you could almost swear they had lined up their breathes. She would take in an inhale, and he would let out a puff of air.
"Pa was a lawyer, Ma was a stay-at-home mama. He made enough for all of us and another. I have a baby brother they adopted when I was younger." He goes to tell his story with a little pause in between.
"You said have. He still around?" That question hurts to ask, but curiosity was gnawing at you. You wanted to know more about this gunslinger, that included the bad too.
"Yeah. I think it was when I was fifteen? Pa was puttin' me through school, was studyin' to be like him. I was gonna put away bad people just like him." He takes his hat off with his free hand, he stares down at the inside of the hat. You catch a glimpse of stiches and patchy line work. Past the scuff marks and tears on the old thing it looks like someone tried to patch it back together again. Enough to where it would hold up. But past that there was a little black and white picture tucked in the makeshift pocket of one of the patches.
A skinny man, honestly looked like a strong gust of wind could blow him away, standing next to the most gorgeous looking woman you've ever seen. Her hair was put up in a tight bun, curves on every ounce of her that made her look like something out of those fancy paintings. The dress she wore clung to her body and on her lap was a little boy. Black hair that didn't match the shade of grey on either of the adults behind him. He had a big toothy grin on his face as he held an outstretched hand for the other boy beside him.
It was Kyle. Much younger than he is now, hopeful looking face with his hair cut short and kept clean. The curls sat neatly on the top of his head, and he dressed like some of the men your father did business with. Fine button up grey shirt tucked into a pair of black slacks. A grey tie came down from his collar that disappeared behind a black vest. Still had that soft smile on his face as he looked at the camera.
He quickly puts the hat back on feeling your eyes peering down behind him. Again, you felt like you got a peek into something you shouldn't have seen. If he was bothered you couldn't tell, he just kept talking.
"Pa was always real good at that, puttin' bad people away. Could do it the civilized way, take him down and give 'em a trial. Rely on the system to put 'em behind bars and supposably reform 'em." He scoffs at that statement, "lotta good all that did. Pa put away the wrong man. Some no name bandit leader thinkin' he could take the short way through life and rob some rich folk."
Kyle stops, completely. Stops the horse, stops talking and just stares down at the ground below. You watch a little red scorpion scurry after its dinner. Stinger pulled back and at the ready.
"Men like that got one thing goin' for 'em. They travel in numbers. Numbers that don't like when you mess with their own. Pa wasn't even the man that brought that bandit leader in, but he was the reason why he'd never walk under the sun again. They were gonna keep that no named man locked away in the deepest parts of their holdin' cells. His men didn't like that idea much."
The scorpion chases the target down until they come to a ledge. Something that would be so easy for you to just step over, something that would barely be an obstacle in your way. But for the tiny bug that was fleeing for its life, it was the end of the road. It wasn't dexterous enough to try and make it over the little ledge, the path to freedom taunting it as it falls on its back.
"Don't really know what they were thinkin' or how they came to the conclusion. But they decided in the dead of night they'd...burn down the town? Came in on horseback makin' all types of racket. I remember Ma pushing my brother in my hands an' tellin' me to run out to where we kept the stagecoach. Somethin'-" He chokes and clears his throat to collect himself. "Somethin' about the horses already hitched and ready. To just jump on and wait for her and Pa."
The scorpion closes in on the bug. His stinger blocking the view of the sun, casting the shadow of death over the poor thing.
"I protested, wanted to stay and help her pack bags. Carry somethin' other than my cryin' brother." His hands clutch the sarape around his body, right where his heart would be. "She told me not to argue with her and to get my ass outside. Never heard her curse before..."
The bug kicks its little legs, trying to roll off its back. It squirms, fights, and rocks trying to do anything. Anything but die.
"I did what she told me. Go where she told me. You don't question your mama when she tells you to do somethin' ya know?" He licks his lips, and you wonder if they're as dry as yours are right now. "I put my brother and I in the carriage and I wait for 'em. Then...the house just...erupts. One of those sons of bitches threw somethin' against the side of the house and it catches a blaze."
Kyle closes his eyes, a bead of sweat drips down his face. Like he can still feel the roaring flames against his face. The poor man is standing there reliving it all.
The scorpion finally brings its stinger down. Strikes the pathetic creature in the stomach one good time. The venom does its job, you're sure if the little thing could scream out it would. Instead, it just goes slack, goes limp and dies.
"I... I didn't know what to do. I had just learned to drive the damn thing, so I grabbed the reigns and snapped it. If it wasn't for my brother, I probably would've run into that blazing hell. Probably be a dead man too."
"Probably." Your voice finally pipes up. Kyle looks up at you and you're not giving him the look of pity others have when he tells this tale. Your face is softened sure but there's nothing in those eyes that tell him you're looking down at him.
"That's the last time I saw 'em. Last time I said good night...I only wished I woulda got to say I love you."
The scorpion closes in on its meal. Now that it's not trying to run it figures it can eat in peace. Pinchers at the ready to pick the corpse up.
"I didn't. Spent a lotta time wishin', and a lotta time gettin' good with a gun. Pa taught me there were other ways to take a man down, not everythin' had to be solved with violence. We could do it humane like instead of usin' a gun. Just a shame I turned out to be a damn good shot."
Kyle starts walking again, and as he does, he walks over the scorpion. Crushing the creature under his heel without a second thought. You watch as when he moves his heel the thing lays there with the sand already started to claim it's body. You wonder if it got to at least get a bite of what it worked so hard for.
"So that's how you started bounty hunting?"
"Yep. Started with the assholes that took my parents from me and my brother. Guess they're the only people I never brought in alive."
"Really?!" That was a part of the man you didn't learn from rumors.
"I'm flattered you seem to think I had the ability to bring in fifteen men all by my lonesome, but no. I gave 'em the same treatment they gave my parents." Most men would be proud of that, say it with their chests out. Kyle doesn't, he keeps his eyes on the road and his head down.
"You burned them?"
"Set their whole lil' hideout on fire. Got a bottle of whiskey, drank some of it for courage and then tucked a cloth in the rest of it. Lit the sucker on fire and tossed it."
You try not to imagine the sounds that fifteen men on fire would make, or the fact that not even one of them got away. Kyle was a lucky man that there weren't a few to make it out of that fire that night. Who knows what would have happened if he was caught or worse, they lived to enact revenge like Kyle had.
"Took my brother to an old friend’s ranch and we stayed there for a while. You ever hear of the Marsh family?"
"Sure. They're famous ranchers, good at breakin' in horses and growin' crops."
"Their son is my best friend. I call that man my brother. Call him that until I take my final breath." A smile finally comes back to his face, talking about someone that means so much to him seems to put him at ease.
"Why'd ya leave?" You ask, letting a smile come across your face at the sight of his.
"Didn't feel right just sittin' around. Plus, if word got out that I was stayin' in one place I figured it'd just bring trouble. My brother didn't do nothin' so I asked if I could leave him there. Been out on the road ever since, I send him letters from time to time but it ain't easy gettin' 'em out to me so I just assume he's alright."
"You should visit your brother...I'm sure he misses you." You tell him. It almost breaks your heart the way his smile doesn't reach his eyes.
"With the reputation I built up, I'd only be bringin' danger to his doorstep. I couldn't do that to him or Stan." That must be his friend he mentioned, you note. "I take what I earn from bounty hunting and send it their way. Just because I chose to throw away the life our Pa had set out for me, doesn't mean he's gotta. Every nickel and dime I get goes to keepin' me goin' and buildin' a better life for him."
Your heart swells, swells with admiration and pain. It hurts to see a man who so clearly loves his family have to keep himself away from what little he has left of it. Who has to distance himself from the two people he'd call brother. Neither really blood related to him but they might as well be. You can't help but admire him, how he tries to carry all that responsibility on his back. You thought the tired look in his eye was just from staying up all night and riding into the morning.
"Kyle, that's incredibly brave of you. Putting yourself out there for your brother, if it means anything...I don't think you're throwing your life away." You find that courage you somehow mustered up last night and put your hand over his, the one that still has the reigns. He looks up at you, watching as the sun sits behind your head like a halo. You bend down a bit and get closer to him, whispering as if someone was listening in. "I think what you're doing is the most noble thing I've ever heard. You're the kind of man they talk about in story books...if I didn't believe in you before I do now. Thank you."
"For....for what?" He asks and swallows, his adams apple bobs. For the first time in a long time, he can't seem to find his voice, it drops to a low whisper.
But could anyone blame him? The way you look at him so gently, every little blink of your eyelashes has him sinking deeper and deeper into the color of your eyes. That golden sun behind you makes you look like an angel, and maybe you are one. As far as Kyle is concerned only an angel could look at him like that. Find a way to admire him and sing his praise after being told he set fifteen men to hell in a blaze of hate.
"For being you. I used to not think there were good men out there, but you're changing that." You say it like it's the simplest thing on earth. Like he should have just known the answer to that.
But when you say it, it's like being punched in the chest. You have your hands so tightly wrapped around his heart he's sure if you say anything else he's going to keel over. He lets himself have this moment, lets a breath escape his chest and holds onto each little word you said.
"Ma'am, you ain't got a clue as to what you're sayin'. You don't know me well enough to be passin' judgement like that."
"Hm. Good thing I'm a real good judge of character. A man as bad as you claim to be would've robbed me blind especially if he knew for a fact, I was carrying enough money on me to buy your friends ranch."
His eyes widen at that, he stares at you as if you just told him the sky was red and the rapture was coming. Kyle's respone catches in his throat, unable to say anything at that. You can't help but laugh at that, the sweet sound coming from your lips makes his knees weak.
You toss him the stained white bag of cash, the once pure white cloth now soiled by the desert sands. Dirt clings to it but that doesn't stop him from catching it and opening it up. True to your word, there was so much cash in here Kyle could probably beat a man to death with it.
"You walked into that damn saloon with this?!" Kyle yelled quickly, closing the bag.
"I risked a lot on trying to find you." You say with a little shrug. "Sold everything I owned, took what I could carry and set out to hire you."
"You're either crazy or desperate. Please, for the love of God don't take offense to this."
You laugh again and shake your head; you couldn't argue with him. He was right. Maybe you were both, but it was either this or get unlucky one day and go missing. You'd take your chances with the handsome man next to you. At least he wasn't a stranger much anymore.
"I just got tired of the life I was living. Heard there was good opportunity out West. Figured I could settle in Texas or...Colorado?"
"Colorado?! Ma'am if this is some elaborate plot to give me a heart attack just to take me out, you're doin' a damn fine job." He clutches the bag into his chest and takes a deep breath. Quickly he stuffs the bag into the saddle bag on his horse. She stirs a little and shakes her head letting him know that her patience is running thin.
"So, you're suggesting Texas?"
"It's better than fuckin' God damn Colorado!" The way Kyle's cursing picks up when he's stressed is kind of adorable.
Laughter echoes down the road all the way out of the state. You finally find yourself off the East coast for the first time in your life. The company you keep makes it all the better! Eventually you stop at the nearest town and purchase your own horse. You have to slow down a little because Kyle has to all but teach you how to mount her and how to keep her from freaking out. He's calm and patient with you the entire time, only laughing at you a few times when you forget to buckle the saddle completely and almost slide right off. He teaches you how to take care of her and you end up spending most nights swapping stories by campfires.
You're somewhere deep in the state of Missouri, where exactly you're not sure that's Kyle's job. The night sky hangs above your heads with the stars staring down at you. Each little twinkle makes you think they're winking down at you. Kyle's told you that a few of the stars have names and stories behind them, you let him ramble on about it for hours before informing him that you already knew all that. The look on his face alone was enough to make you laugh.
You must have laughed again because Kyle's looking up from the worn-out map up at you now. He has a lazy smirk, the corners of his lips hidden behind the scruff on his face that's starting to grow in. His hair just now starting to go back to when you first met him, he's shaved it off a few times since your journey much to your dismay. You complained for days when he first did it only to be met with an eye roll.
That was something you always noted, that whenever you would complement Kyle's appearance, he'd brush you off or find a way to deflect. Telling you that you were the pretty one or that you were just seeing things because you weren't drinking enough water. The heat was getting to you, and you needed to take some time by the shade.
But he really was a handsome man, the rugged look didn't really line up with his personality but damn if it didn't do something to you. Being next to the man for so long, having made the first real connection with another person for the first time in your life. Well, it was getting harder and harder not to see him in a different light.
Especially since every moment leading up to this point, Kyle would do everything in his power to protect you. Putting himself in harm’s way time and time again just to make sure you'd be safe. Bandits thinking the both of you were easy picking, Kyle's reputation didn't reach every corner of the country. And the few times it did, it only encouraged people like Knucklehead to try and take a shot at bringing him down. There were a few times people recognized you. Someone had put out missing wanted posters with your face plastered all over them.
Of course, when danger came rearing its ugly head, Kyle would be there by your side. At first it was a lot of him taking shots for you, you patching him up. Using those studies your parents provided, removing bullets, and cleaning the wound left behind wasn't exactly what you had studied but eventually you got the hang of it. Each time you'd scold him to be more careful, he'd argue that catching bullets with his body wasn't something he liked doing. And each time just as you'd finish bandaging him back up, he'd give you a look that had your heart fluttering. His eyelids would lower down, and his lips would part in just a way that made them look so kissable. But every time you'd think you got the courage to just do it, he'd pull away and wish you a good night. Disappearing in his tent as if he wasn't just staring at you thinking the same thing.
Little did you know he was thinking the same thing. Countless nights he'd stay awake at night, tossing and turning in his bedroll trying to get the image of you so close out of his head. It had been a long time since Kyle felt this close with anyone, much less got to share the road with another person. Those little moments where you'd brush your fingers over his exposed skin or when you'd wake up nice and early to make sure he got something in his stomach before riding off. It made it harder and harder to want to not make you, his woman. To not take you up in his arms and take you into his tent for the night.
But that's not why you hired him. Once he got you to Colorado, he'd drop you off, probably stick around long enough to make sure you were settled, and then be on his way. Leaving you in that state all by yourself and he'd return to wherever the road took him. That thought filled him with an indescribable loneliness, one he tried to keep out of his head. He tried to focus on how good he felt just being near you, savoring the moments he got with you now.
Like how pretty you looked when you sat next to the fire, back against a log that he dragged over to make it a little more comfortable. A book resting in your lap and a page between your fingers, some novel you both picked up and swapped back and forth. How every time you looked over at him thinking you could steal a few glances without him noticing, only to be caught in the act. Ever since he met you back at the bar you would avert your eyes from him and try to find something else to look at or pretend that you were looking past him. He found it so cute.
"Somethin' funny darlin'?" You don't know when he started calling you that, can't recall but every single time it makes your heart leap.
"Just thinking about that time, you were telling me about the stars. How I'm gonna miss this..."  You say with a little shrug and smile, reaching down next to you to grab the bottle of wine.
"You'll still be able to see 'em in Colorado. In fact, I hear they're mighty pretty over the desert." He says watching you take a drink from the bottle.
"It's not the same." You wipe your mouth with the sleeve of your blouse, the red liquid staining the shirt. "It's not the same if you don't have someone to share it with."
It's Kyle's turn to blush a little, he gives you a little hum and a nod like he understands. There's a moment where he thinks his heart stops, but it thumps against his chest, and he finds it in him to speak up. "You always know just what to say to make a man flustered huh?"
"Since when have I talked to other men like this?" You ask scooting a little closer to him, that night wind pushing you a little closer to his warmth.
"I don't quite recall..." He mumbles meeting you halfway.
Kyle helps close the gap between the both of you until your thighs are touching. The material of his jeans brush against your legs, exposed because of the skirt clips holding your skirt to where they just cover your thighs.
"Think it would work on another man?" Your voice drops to a whisper.
His brows furrow at that and his face twists into a scowl. You watch the way his eyes narrow and darken a little. He huffs and you can smell the scent of coffee on his breath. Kyle doesn't say anything, instead he goes for the wine bottle in your hand. The man takes a swig of it, trying to hide the jealous feeling that's starting to creep up on him.
"Reckon it would... if you had the backbone to be talkin' to other men."
"What's that supposed to mean?" It's your turn to furrow your brows at him, they knit together.
"Just sayin' you ain't exactly a smooth talker with everyone you come across. I seem to remember a certain run in with that snake oil salesman that was tryin' to get you to agree to go on a lil' date with him." He taps the bottle against his lips a few times before taking another drink.
You take the bottle from him, crawling over his lap to reach the darn thing. You press your palm into his thigh and suddenly he's very aware of just how close you are to him. Kyle isn't sure if you're doing on purpose but either way it makes his dick twitch against the fabric of his pants.
He doesn't give you time to protest as he moves the bottle out of reach, holding it back just as you brush your fingertips against the cool glass. "No, I think I remember you fumblin' over your words and I had to come over and tell the fella you weren't interested."
Damn him. Damn that handsome red head for calling you out and looking so cocky while doing it. His smirk returns as he cocks his head down at you, the way his lips glisten against the campfire almost has you distracted. Almost.
But you wanted your wine, so you take another lunge for it. Pressing your body into him to try and climb over and snatch it back. His hand comes down to your waist, keeping you in place.
"Ah! No ma'am, I think someone's had enough. All that talk about flirtin' with other men ain't much like you. Think this is messin' with your head." He tuts and shifts you in his lap. He's hoping you don't feel the effect you're having on him.
"You know what I think Broflovski? I think you're jealous!" You challenge crossing your arms under your chest.
"That so? That what you think darlin'?"
"Why else would you be acting like this? You're acting like a damn child! Now give me my bottle, I'm a grown woman I can drink as much as I wanna!"
He laughs at that. Laughs right at your protests and the way you're pouting in his lap. It makes your face burn up, it makes you wanna hit him, makes you wanna kiss him until he shuts up.
"You're real cute when you get fussy you know that?" Kyle lets the compliment slip out of his mouth before he has time to think about it.
He knows better. He knows he shouldn't be flirting with you, shouldn't get attached. But that ship has long since sailed, he's been infatuated with you since the day you told him he was a good man. But fuck if it isn't getting harder and harder, especially with you sitting so pretty on his lap.
"Kyle Broflovski! If you don't start acting right!" You know the blush on your face doesn't help, the scolding falls on deaf ears.
"I ain't the one crawlin' into a man's lap for a bottle of cheap wine." He sets the bottle down beside him off into the dark where it no longer matters. That hand finds home on your waist, rolling his thumbs over the material of your skirt.
You suck in a breath and sit up on your knees, pushing them to rest on either side of him. "You're not just another man...that what you want me to tell you?"
"Can't say I wouldn't like it." Kyle's voice dips low, gravely and makes a shiver zip down your spine.
"If you don't want me flirting with other men..., why are you waiting so long to kiss me?"
"Oh darlin'," He growls and squeezes the back of your thighs, rough hands sliding up your skirt. "I want nothin' more but...you and I both know I can't."
"No, I don't think I do. Enlighten me." You're not letting him get away this time, there would be no running off to his tent to avoid this. You had him wrapped around your little finger, even if your heart felt like it was about to explode.
" 'Cause if I start kissin' you. I'm gonna keep doin' it..." He gets closer, sitting up to his full height just to graze his lips over yours. "Keep kissin' ya 'til I ain't go breath in my lungs left. Then I'll wanna take you in my arms jus' like this." He gives you a little squeeze pressing his chest further against yours. "I wouldn't be able to stop myself from makin' those sweet lil' noises come out of your mouth. Wouldn't wanna stop either."
Your breath hitches and you let out a soft little moan. You card your fingers through his hair, his hat was put away somewhere in his tent, so it left those gorgeous red curls unguarded. He groans and inadvertently bucks his hips up into you, the rough feeling of his jeans grinding up against your underwear.
"Fuck and if you ain't makin' it difficult. Talkin' like that makes me think you planned to get me all worked up. You ain't stupid, just about the smartest woman I've ever met in my life." He continues grinding his hips into you, rolling you over his growing erection. Kyle groans and doesn't even bother trying to stop the sounds coming out of his mouth.
"K-Kyle just kiss me already!" You whimper in his lap.
And he snaps, whatever wall he built up to resist you comes tumbling down. Just the way you say his name has him tossing all logic out the window. He grabs the back of your neck and pulls your face down towards him, crashing your lips onto his. His teeth almost knock into yours from how desperately he needs this, how much he needs you. It's like being able to stretch your legs after riding for days, or a cool drink of water after being under that blazing sun for too long.
That crackling fire that keeps your little camp sight illuminated doesn't give off nearly the amount of heat Kyle's kiss does. His chapped lips move against yours, somehow despite being on the road for so long they're still so soft. It takes a second for your brain to register that he's finally kissing you, after so long he's finally doing it. Before he can pull back, you press back into the kiss. Hands coming down from his hair to cup his jaw like it'll anchor you from floating away.
He kisses you again and again, each kiss turning more passionate. He goes from a desperate kiss to kissing you like a starved man. His tongue slips out and swipes against your bottom lip, when you don't open your mouth, he growls and pulls you down, so you're now firmly sat in his lap. The action makes you gasp, and he slips his tongue into your mouth, more than excited to explore the inside of your mouth until he finds your tongue. You poke back nervously and chase after the pink muscle. Finally, your tongues twine together, wrapped up in some kind of dance.
He kisses you until your lungs burn, desperate for air. In this silent little battle to see who would break first, it's you. You pull away from him and take in a large gasp. The lack of air and how heated the kiss was makes your head spin. Just as you collect yourself, he's on his feet lifting you up with him. You cling to him and wrap your arms around his neck, even though you know he won't drop you the shock of being moved so quickly like that caught you off guard.
"W-where are we going?"
" 'm takin' you to bed." He walks you over to the tent he's got pitched up, moving to your tent. Kyle bends down and gently lays you down on the bedroll. He sucks in a breath when he sees the way your hair's all laid out and how you've got your thighs pressed together. Lips wet and slightly puffy from the way he kissed you. "Now if you ain't the prettiest thing I've ever seen. Take your blouse off for me."
Kyle looks down at you with darkened eyes, heavy eyes filled with lust. He watches every single little movement you make. They watch as you slip the buttons of your blouse through the little slots holding them together. Watch as you slip the shirt down your arms painfully slow, far too slow for his liking. But ever the gentleman he simply hooks his thumbs in his belt and watches, rewarding you with a low hum.
"That's my girl." His praise all but makes you purr; you like the way he calls you his. "Jus' a lil' more for me. Take that skirt off." His hand slips up your skirt and taps the side of your thigh.
You do it, work the skirt clips off along with the skirt itself until you're left in nothing but your underwear. He tosses them to the side letting them land in your pile of bags. He tugs off his sarape and works his belt, the clinking of his buckle rings out. The only other sound besides your heavy breathing is the bubbling brook next to your camp sight. Occasionally, you can hear the horses stir, but right now all you can focus on is the way Kyle strips down to nothing.
Kyle lays his gun down carefully on top of his clothes before joining you under the furs used to keep you warm. His cock nudges against your thigh, twitching against how soft it feels. You let out a shaky sigh and peer down at it, the angry red tip brushes against your skin.
"I-is that going to fit?" You ask him suddenly a bit worried, but it melts away when he takes your jaw and kisses you again.
"Darlin' we can stop at any moment. But if you'll have me, I'll make you feel real good." His hand snakes down between you two and his fingers go to spread you open.
You let out a little moan and whisper a soft, 'yes' and it's all he needs to continue. His middle finger rolls your bud gently at first until you start to squirm and push against his hand for more. He applies enough pressure to the circular motion that has you seeing stars. He continues rubbing circles on your clit and your hips buck up against his hold. It felt so good.
You moan out in pleasure when he slides two fingers into your hole with ease, your arousal making it so easy for him. He pumps his fingers in you once or twice, pushing into that spot that has your back arching off the bedroll. Kyle keeps his fingers buried in you for a moment, spreading them out and curling them in a come-hither motion. His lips find their way down on your neck, leaving faint love bites. Sucking on the exposed skin with enough force to pull a loud moan out of you.
"Kyle..." A low breathless whimper escapes your lips as he comes off your neck with a pop. "Please, please."
"Sound so pretty when you moan my name like that. Shoulda done this sooner." He works his fingers in you again, thrusting them up into you over and over again. "Fuck you're so fuckin' wet."
You're moaning so loudly you're sure if you weren't alone on the side of the road you would have woken a whole neighborhood. When you try to muffle those moans, he stops moving his fingers leaving you just teetering on the edge. The knot in your stomach starts to tighten, he can feel the way your pussy flutters around his fingers.
"That's it sweetheart, let go for me. Look at me when you cum." He holds your jaw with his free hand making you look up at him.
Your eyes widen and as you finally clench around his fingers giving you that orgasm you desperately begged for. His fingers keep pumping in and out of you until you're whining, and tears are beginning to spill from your eyes.
"Shh, I know, but I gotta make sure you're nice and prepped for me darlin' don't wanna hurt ya too bad." Kyle whispers in your ear until he pulls his fingers out of you finally. You whine at the loss of contact, suddenly feeling so empty. You watch him bring his fingers up to his lips and swirl his tongue around the digit. "Think you're ready for me baby?"
"Kyle, please. I want this, I want you!" You whimper.
"That's a good girl. Roll over on your stomach for me." He leans back up and gestures for you to do as he says.
So, you do, you roll over on your stomach and just as you do, he tucks a pillow under your stomach. His hands glide up and down your legs until they find purchase on your hips. They tighten and squeeze around your waist pulling you back against his cock. Kyle glides you back against his member, grinding your wet pussy up and down his shaft. He lets out a soft moan and lets his head lull to the side.
"Oh," He says quietly as the tip of his cock nudges against your folds, "thaaaaaat's it." Kyle slips every inch of his cock into you slowly, dragging your velvet walls back against him. He pushes and sinks deeper into you until he bottoms out.
"O-Oh god." You bury your face in the bedroll. "Fuck feels so good."
"You have no fuckin' idea..." He grips your hips and begins slowly thrusting in and out of you, "how many times I've thought about fuckin' you senseless. How bad I just wanted to make you fuckin' mine!" His voice comes out in a breathless moan over your desperate cries.
" 'm yours!" You're a mess at this point and he hasn't done much but finger you and start a lazy pace. Each time he drags his cock out he pulls all the way out leaving you empty again. Only to push it right back in at that antagonizing slow pace, like he's trying to get you to remember every little vein on his cock. "Please just go harder, I can take I-I promise!"
"Yeah? Want me to really fuck you baby? I was gonna take my time with ya, show you just how badly I wanted ya." Kyle bucks into you with a sharp thrust making you bounce forward, "but listen to yourself, beggin' for my cock. Beggin' me to go faster. Do it again."
You bite your lip and squeeze your eyes shut; the first time was easy you weren't really thinking about it. Now that he's making demands of you it makes you feel flustered. That embarrassing feeling of having him looking down at your wrecked form washes over you. When his fingers card through your hair and grip the base of your roots, you let out a shocked gasp.
"Darlin' I believe I asked you to do somethin'. I ain't exactly a patient man right now. Not from the way you're squeezin' me soooo tight." He nudges your insides with a lazy little thrust. All it does is make you moan and claw at the bedroll.
"Please Kyle! Please, please, please" You're reduced to nothing but moans and whines. Begging him to do something, anything!
He seems satisfied with that from the way he pulls you back against his chest. Pulling your head out from the bedroll and letting your moans ring out into the night. With a quick slap against your ass, he begins to pick up the pace. The length of his cock claiming you and pounding into you. Your heart rate spikes as he pushes into you deeper than his fingers could reach. He hits that spot in your pussy that his fingers hit earlier, the one that has you seeing stars and drooling. Kyle lets out a moan when your cunt tightens around him again, one that lets you know just how good you make him feel.
"So fuckin' tight. You take me so fuckin' good baby, like you were made for me. Made to take this cock. Fuck gotta feel you cum around my cock this time. That's it, that's it." Kyle grunts and takes his hand out of your hair. Snaking it around your form he grinds his fingers against your clit again.
Your eyes roll up to the back of your head from everything. The way his cock bullies your insides, how his fingers assault the already sensitive bundle of nerves, and the way he spouts filth in your ear. The praise makes you feel so good, puts you in a head space you've never been in before. The only thing you can think about is what he tells you to. Right now, he wants you to cum around his cock, so you do. You don't even register it until it happens. Until his hips begin to lose that rhythm and he stops pulling out as much.
But when your walls clamp down around him like they had done his fingers, milking him for everything he's worth, he lets out a low moan. He calls your name, not a pet name or the fake name that you've been accustomed to. Your name.
"That's it baby. Fuck I love you, fuck I love you." There isn't so much as a second thought as he just repeats how much he loves you. After one final hard thrust he's spilling into you, filling you with his hot cum. He empties until it's dripping down your thighs, creating a white ring around the base of his cock.
Both of your bodies were wet with sweat from being pressed together. What little strength he has keeps him from collapsing on top of you. His chest pressed against your back, your hearts beating in unison. Eventually Kyle sits back up and slips his cock out of you, carefully lowering you down onto your bedroll again.
You look up at him with an exhausted smile, absent mindedly pushing stray curls out of his face. He looks down at you and smiles in return, he takes your hand and kisses the inside of your palm. That afterglow of sex that clings to you and the way you look disheveled has to be his new favorite sight. You guide him down towards your chest and let him rest his head against your heartbeat. He closes his eyes and holds you close.
"I love you too." You say after a while, not sure if he's asleep or not from the way he hasn't stirred.
"Be mighty awkward if ya didn't." Kyle murmurs in between your chest, placing a gentle kiss onto your collarbone.
"Took you long enough to confess." You joke.
"Yeah...don't know what I was thinkin'. Guess I just didn't wanna put them feelin's out there if you weren't inclined to stick around. You got dreams of settlin' down somewhere quiet..."
"Nothing says you can't be there with me when I do."
"I don't know if I could ever go back to a quiet life like that...I don't think I deserve somethin' like that."
"Oh hush." You cup his face and bring it up to yours. "Don't ever wanna hear you talk like that again Broflovski. You're a good man, I told you that before. I don't love bad men."
"You ain't ever been wrong before."
"Wasn't wrong when I went out to find you all of them months ago. I ain't about to start."
"Ain't?"
"Huh?"
"You said ain't. Never heard you talk like that before, usually you talk all proper like. I think you're pickin' up my accent."
"Go back to laying your head down!" You huff and shove his face back down into your chest which only makes him chuckle.
"If I get to wake up to somethin' like this every day.... I reckon I can see myself settlin' down. Maybe we can get a little farm, start our own little ranch."
"I like that...we can send a letter to your brother, and he can join us."
Kyle smiles warmly at that. You remembered his brother, that conversation on the road that started all this. He closes his eyes and begins to picture it all. You and him tucked away in some area in Colorado with his brother who he hasn't seen in years. Maybe down the road you could change your last name to his. His hand finds yours and he rubs his thumb over your ring finger. Imagining a little metal ring, one that matches his.
The road’s starting to look a lot less lonely.
<- Previous Chapter
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insomniac4000 · 2 months ago
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15 - Chris but fiends with george and staying with him, can’t sleep for whatever reason so sits in kitchen so george isn’t disturbed
Can’t sleep either?
This was meant to be a fresh start, it seemed so exciting, so full of promise when when you made the decision to end your dead end relationship, leave your awful job and up and move to London. When your friend George had first suggested it you felt sparks of excitement, this was just what you needed. Your mind filled with dozens of scenarios, getting a high paying job, going to parties, meeting people. moving into a great apartment. As always however, life found of way of humbling you.
George was an old school friend of yours, you two were neighbours and were pretty close, when he moved to London you missed his presence a lot. When he discovered your life was falling apart it was him who tried to convince you to move and start anew. You weren't regretting your move, you had to end your relationship with a guy who put his needs before your own, to the point you were working two jobs you hated just to pay bills. It was a life you had to get away from but your fresh start had stalled.
You had been in London now for over a month now but you were still without a job and as such you had to move out of your air bnb and were currently sleeping on George's floor, a far cry from the new you that you had imagined.
Sleep was becoming a problem, George had tried to make things as comfortable as possible for you and had even offered his bed but you politely declined. You tossed and turned on the air mattress but after two hours no sleep was coming. You didn't want to keep disturbing George so instead padded into the living room, you went to the kitchen and poured yourself a glass of water sighing as you made your way back to the sofa, flopping your body weight onto it.
"Can't sleep either?" A voice called out which startled you a little and you jumped. "Sorry I didn't mean to scare you." The voice spoke again and as your eyes adjusted you finally recognised the small frame of Chris coming into view. Chris Michael Dixon, one of the few bright sparks of these truly drab times you were in.
"It's okay. Yeah I can't sleep, what are you doing up?"
"Those pesky intrusive thoughts," Chris replied sighing a little, you nodded a little. Chris had also been through a break up which had snapped his heart in half. He moved in with George after this and the pair of you would often joke George was collecting strays as he went along and wondered who the next one would be.
"Same. I even tried reading a book but even Thrills, Skills and Mole Hills couldn't knock me out," you told Chris with a small smirk on your face.
"Fuck sake. I was going to say you can talk to me but after that put down I don't think I want to,"
"Oh please. It might help, feel free to bitch to me too." You looked at Chris, admiring how his blue eyes were glistening still in the dark.
"I have a big video shoot tomorrow, I'm probably over thinking it as I always do."
"Downside to being a perfectionist I guess, it always comes out amazing though Chris. The worry shows you care. I wish I could find something I care about that much. I've spent my whole life pleasing other people and now I'm supposedly out on my own I'm still making a mess of it and now relying on George," you sighed taking a sip of water. A warm hand found it's way to your knee, you looked to see Chris staring at you intensely, a very small smile on her lips.
"I think you're really brave. Starting again is really scary and no one thinks it's easy. I'm just a kid who got lucky but you're really working hard to change things, that's admirable."
Your glaze flicked between Chris's mouth for a moment before you looked back at his eyes and nodded. He always had a way of making you feel better.
"Thanks Chris."
"Any time. Same time tomorrow?" He joked standing up from the sofa as he walked back to his room. He got to the door and paused, turning to you again.
"If you get sick of George's snoring, my door's always open for you."
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ineffablesuffering · 1 year ago
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Read to Me (Aziraphale X Reader)
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So I'm back with a self indulgent fic. I love War of the World's and as I was reading it I thought this up. I hope you enjoy!
Pairing: Aziraphale x platonic!reader
Warnings: none!
Word Count: 1281
Masterlist
–------------
It had been a long day. Everything that could have went wrong, went wrong. It started when you missed the bus and had to get a taxi to work, then your interactive whiteboard wouldn't turn on, the children wouldn't listen and then to cheer yourself up, you bought a coffee and proceeded to drop it within 5 minutes of buying it. It had been a long day. The knowledge that it was Friday and you had the weekend to recover was your only comfort.
You walked along the streets of Soho, the sky's darkening as you clutched your bag close to you, focusing on trying to get to your destination before the rain came down, but it was no use. The heavens had opened and rain beat down from the sky above. You would have laughed if you weren't already having a bad day, because to top it off, you had left your hooded jacket at home. Angrily, you swipe at the tears falling from your eyes as they mingled with the raindrops that glided down your skin. You could see the old bookshop on the corner, you prayed that Aziraphale was at home.
You had met the angel of a man in the cafe across the road from his shop one Sunday afternoon. The cafe was brimming with people and seats had been scarce. You had left your planning to the last minute again and all you wanted was a seat and a small space to plan your lessons. You looked around and  spotted a man sitting alone at a larger table with a cup of tea and a book. You made your way to him.
"I'm so sorry to bother you, but is it okay if I sit here? I promise I won't disturb you it's just that there's no more seats," you had said clutching your laptop to your chest.
"Of course," he had said "It's not a problem."
"You're an angel, thank you so much!" you said taking a seat at the table, making sure to give him enough space. You opened your laptop and began to type away.
"Are you a university student?" the man enquired.
"Uh no," you started finishing off the sentence you were typing. "I'm a teacher actually, this is my first year so I'm still getting the hang of things, I've not long graduated."
"A teacher you say? Very amicable. Although you seem rather young to be a teacher?"
"I get that a lot," you chuckle, "I'm 23 so I guess in some ways I am. My kids, my pupils, are only 11 years younger than me which is nothing in the grand scheme of things."
He smiled, "It really isn't."
"I'm Y/N by the way," you smile holding out your hand.
"Aziraphale." He replied shaking your hand.
After that day, you seemed to find yourself in that cafe more often and more often than not, Aziraphale would also be there too. You often sat together and he would sometimes help you plan your week. It was miraculously easy to plan when he was around, you could find everything you needed to on the first attempt. He had become a fast friend and soon you were invited over to his bookshop where he would often let you work if you needed a space to.
So that's where you were headed now, desperately seeking the comfort of a friend and there's no one you felt more comfortable around than Aziraphale. Sometimes, it was nice just to rant about teaching to someone who would quite happily sit and listen to you, rather than tell you how to fix your problems. You got to the door and saw the closed sign but battered on the door anyway. A few moments later a slightly annoyed looking Aziraphale was at the door unlocking it and pulling it open but the minute he saw your drenched figure his face softened.
"My dear! Come in," he said, stepping aside to let you in.
You brush past him quickly, trying to clear your face quickly so he doesn't see you crying. He's quick to your side suddenly with a towel in his hand but you were too upset to even think about where he got it from. He handed you the towel with a sympathetic smile on his face. You mumble a small thank you before taking it off of him using the warm towel to take some of the moisture out of your hair.
"My dear, whatever is the matter?" He asks guiding you towards a chair, but his kind words make you stop and a sob wrecks through your body. "Oh dear," he says bringing you into a tight embrace, stroking the back of your head gently, "Shhh," he hushes trying to calm you down "it's going to be okay." You clutch on to him and let the tears that had been building fall freely down your face. The pair of you stand like that for awhile, you holding on to Aziraphale like your life depended on it while he stroked your head and back whispering soothing words into your ear.
You rear back after awhile, but stay close. The emotions of the day clear on your face. "I'm sorry," you whisper hoarsely.
"Whatever for?"
"I got you all wet"
"Don't worry about it, you're being silly." he smiled softly at you. "Come sit with me and tell me what has gotten you so upset" he took the towel out of your hand and placed it on a table, walking you over to the sofa tucked up the back of the shop and sat down beside you holding your hand.
You told him about your day, everything from missing your bus to dropping your coffee and everything in between. He sat and listened patiently, never interrupting just nodding softly when required. You let out all your emotions and stress of the day, hell the week, and he listened.
"Well," he said when you had finished your rant. "You clearly haven't had a great day."
"You can say that again," you mumbled looking at the floor. "I'm sorry for barging in like this, I just didn't know where else to go."
"You never have to apologise my dear, I'm happy you can seek comfort in me." he said softly brushing a stray tear from your face as you raised your head to look at him. "Now what do we say to a nice hot chocolate and a book." He said reaching for the tartan blanket that hung on the back of the sofa wrapping it around you.
"Yes please," you reply, nodding meekly, "but only if you read to me."
"Of course." He said, standing "I'll be back in just a jiffy."
Before you knew it, he was back holding a steaming mug in one hand and a book in the other. You took the mug off of him whispering your thanks as he sat down beside you again. You took a slow sip feeling the chocolatey deliciousness warm you from the inside out. You rested your head against his shoulder so you could see while he read to you. He glanced down at you, a soft smile gracing his lips once more before opening the book.
"No one would have believed in the last years of the nineteenth century that this world was being watched keenly and closely by intelligences greater than man’s..." he read, his voice silky smooth and deep, and just loud enough for you to be able to hear. You closed your eyes as he read to you allowing your friend to soothe you with his words and take the emotions of the day away.
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doberbutts · 1 year ago
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I was telling my friend this story last night but it's a pretty funny one so I'm repeating it here:
In general prior to T I could tell if I was passing or not from whether I got carded. If I got carded, I was passing. If I didn't get carded, I was not passing. This is back when I was really straddling the line between "butch lesbian" and "gay twink" and so it was a serious coin toss on who guessed right with a whole lot of people blatantly going 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️ hey you 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️ instead of "sir" or "miss".
Except one time I got carded while very much not passing.
You see, if you're new here, you wouldn't know that I don't drink alcohol. And I don't mean "I don't anymore" or "I do but very infrequently". I have had a handful of sips from various past partner's beverages, gone "eeeuugh no thanks you can have it back" or "people... drink this on purpose???" I don't like the taste and besides with my heart problems I really shouldn't be drinking. I've never been drunk in my life and I've bought alcohol few enough times to count on one hand- twice as gifts and twice for cooking.
This particular time, I was buying alcohol for a friend for her birthday. Because I don't drink, I don't know what people like, so I had her come with me to pick out a favorite since I obviously don't know what I'm looking for. But you have to understand the full context of this here:
Me, in my mid-20s, being visibly some flavor of gender variant, in southern MD as a visibly black person, bringing my friend in with me and telling her to go grab what she likes.
My friend, white, 3 years older than me, 4'11" and with that form of dwarfism that makes her look like a child forever, going straight to the fridge and grabbing several bottles of booze before shoving them into my hands and making fun of me/sassing me along the way because she was a generally sarcastic and sardonic person and that's how we bantered. It does not help that with her small size she *had* to buy children's clothes because most women's didn't fit her.
The cashier was so VERY suspicious of what appeared to him to be a clearly adult masculine woman buying alcohol for what looked like a middle schooler that he carded both of us. And did every test possible to see if our IDs were fake. Like, right there in front of us. I think at some point I was like "oh yeah you literally look like a toddler so that's fair honestly" and she, highly offended, said "I AM OLDER THAN YOU 🤬🤬🤬" and at that point the cashier must have either given up or decided it was legally no longer his problem because he took my money after that
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cbrownjc · 8 months ago
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HOTD possible spoiler (as well as some Fire and Blood ones) under the cut:
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The person who posted the initial rumor/leak/spoiler is clarifying/sticking to it.
I've already talked about my problems with how this show has handled its black characters here (wrt Laena) and here when this Nettles rumor/leak first happened a few days ago.
Honestly, if this rumor really is true, I will pretty much be done with the show. Because aside from the racist angle the show just falls right into by doing something like this, it's also just lazy AF writing.
If the show wanted to make Rhaena a more active participant in the war that very easily can be done without making her a dragon rider. They could have her play a bigger role in helping in the survival of her family members, seeing that she, her sister, and her two little half-brothers are the only ones who do so (along with Corlys). Let her become the more politically savvy twin, using her status as a princess and such to form alliances, keep the Vale on the side of The Blacks, and things like that. Maybe even leading up to things like having her take the lead in ensuring that Corlys doesn't get executed for treason after the war is over.
But nope. Just make her a dragon rider during the conflict too. And hey, since she's black now, just have her replace the only book-canon black character in the story of the Dance, who was already speculated by some to be Daemon's bastard daughter anyway. Because all black people are just interchangeable anyway, right? 🙄 (That is if we're even bothering to give them character and story arcs in the first place; especially in comparison to their originally white book counterparts *cough*Laena*cough*).
So yeah, NGL I was already growing apathetic about the show before this, given how Leana, Rhaena, and Baela's characters were all handled in Season 1. Cutting out Nettles and just having Rhaena take her place? When the two characters are nothing alike, personality-wise?
Yeah, if this really is true then no thank you. I'll check out clips of the big moments -- Rook's Rest, Blood and Cheese, and whenever The Battle Above the God's Eye happens in some later season -- on YouTube or something. But actively watch episodes in full? Nope.
Again, I'll wait to full-out rant on this when it's 100% confirmed in some way. (And yes, such a rant very likely would include talking about how color-conscious casting & writing > > > > > > color-blind casting & writing; and using that to properly world build -- because yes that is possible even wrt a fantasy world like Westeros, which already has established places in its world where black people prominently lived and originated from.) Maybe waiting to do so is just me being in denial, IDK. But I'm kind of having deja vu wrt how I felt about the rumors circulating about Season 8 of GOT again. I just couldn't believe the writers were going to be that level of hack-lazy. And yet . . . .
I really had hopes that HBO had learned from that mistake and that the writing team and showrunners for this show wouldn't do something similar. But ever since I saw what happened to Laena's character, (and how her role in Rhaenrya's life -- when they were young -- was basically given to Alicent), I've been questioning if they really have . . . . or ever did. 🤷🏾‍♀️
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blackhakumen · 7 months ago
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Mini Fanfic 1210: Gardening with Mr. Xiao Long (RWBY)
2:41 p.m. The Xiao Long Cabin's Backyard........
'Cling'
Oscar: ('Phew') (Uses his Arm to Wipe the Sweat Off his Forehead While Panting and Holding onto the Stick Part of the Shovel He Placed Next to the Now Slightly Shaded Garden) Okay! I think....That's everything.....for now.....
Tai: (Chuckles Lightly) Hey now, don't get tired on me just yet there, kiddo! I thought you're used to this kind of work.
Oscar: (Turns to his Girlfriend's Father) I am. Heck, I'm all for doing more of it nowadays, but not in this level of heat capacity. It's unbearable!
Tai: That's the Summer Heat for ya. It's so hot that it could make even most strongest willed warriors worn out after a while.
Oscar: Yeah, but did it really have to be here now? It's not even technically Summer yet!
Tai: (Smiles More Sheepishly) True, but it.....practically already start the moment the first day of June came around, so.....
Oscar: ('Sigh') You're not wrong there. The road was already filled with traffic before Ren brought me here.
Tai: (Shrugs) Eh. The roads are always busy in Patch, no matter the season- (Forms a Cheeky Grin) Or Weather the forecast~
'Badum Tssss'
Oscar: (Eyes Widened Before Slowly Turning his Head to Taiyang) Was that pun you made just now?
Tai: Yep! Been a long while since I've made one believe it or not, so I gotta make up for lost times. 'Less I wanna be pass my- (Points and Shows Off his Watch) time! (Chuckles Some More)
Oscar: ('Sigh') You are definitely Yang's father alrght.....
Tai: Hey, if you can stomach through my little firecracker's puns on a daily, you can handle a few of mines as well. (Wraps his Arm Around Oscar's Shoulder) Now, come on, let's head back in and get away from this heatwave before it gets even more un-BEAR-able! (Let's Out a Single Laugh Before Walking Himself and Oscar Back to the House) I still got it.
Oscar: (Oh god. He really is the King of Corny Dad Puns......)
Inside of Xiao Long's Cabin............
Tai: (Pouring a Two Glasses of Cold Lemonade for Both Him and Oscar) Thanks again for helping me take care of the garden out there, Oscar. There's no way I would've gotten everything done alone in that heat. (Hands Oscar his Drink)
Oscar: (Smiles Softly) It's no problem at all, Mr. Xiao Long. As exhausting as today was, I'm glad we got the chance to spend time together today at least. You're a pretty good company to have around. (Takes a Sip of his Drink)
Tai: (Smiles Brightly) Likewise, kiddo! Better be careful now. (Forms a Playful Smirk) We wouldn't want the girls thinking I'm stealing you away from them.
Oscar: ('Scoffs') Please. As if those two would ever get mad at their dad, let alone over me of all people.
Tai: (Takes a Sip of his Lemonade) I dunno. You seem like a pretty lovable guy for people to protect and fight tooth and nail over.
Oscar: That's true. I can't begin to tell you how many legs Nora broken trying to kept me from getting killed in battle......
Tai: (Chuckles Lightly) Is that right? I take it her and Pyrrha playing the mother hens these days?
Oscar: Yep. They can be a bit much at times, but I still love 'em regardless. Jaune and Ren too. They're all are amazing to have around.
Tai: Good! I'm happy life been treating you a whole lot better these days, especially after all the crap you all had to endure.
Oscar: ('Sighs Heavily') You said it. To this day, it still surprises how far I've come to here, with and without Ozpin's help.
Tai: You ever missed having him around?
Oscar: Sometimes. We never see eye-to-eye in a few instances, but it was nice to have him around inside my head until the very end, especially when we're both at the lowest we've been in our lives.
Tai: (Smiles Softly) I'm glad you two got along throughout all of it. That man has been a tortured soul for as long as i knew him, which made sense to me why he doesn't trust people as easily as either of us do these days.
Oscar: ('Sigh') Yeah, that's been a century issue believe it or not. B-But he had gotten better at it overtime! Even more so when everyone stop being angry and gave him one more chance, despite their trust in him weren't the same as it was before. (Sighs Once More) But regardless, I'm just glad he's finally resting in peace now.
Tai (Happily Nodded in Agreement) As he should.
Oscar and Taiyang raise their glasses of lemonade towards one another before taking another sip of their respective drinks.
Tai: ('Sighs Relaxingly') You know, Ruby's been talking about you quite a lot these days.
Oscar: She has?
Tai: Yeah. Way before you two started dating. I mean, she talks a lot about her and your friends as well, but....not exactly in a way she does on you, if you catch my drift.
Oscar: I- (Raises an Eyebrow a Bit in Confusion) think so?
Tai: Like, how happy you've made her and how you've inspired her to better herself as huntress and person and what have you.
Oscar: Ohhh! Okay, gotcha. (Chuckles a But Before Rubbing The Back of his Head and Putting on a More Sheepish Smile) I honestly feel like she inspired me a lot more if anything. Can't imagine what my life would've been like if Oz didn't convinced me to go meet her and the others in Mistral.......
Tai: (Casually Shrugs) I'm sure you two would've met under different circumstances. (Smiles Brightly) Even then, there wouldn't be any doubt in my mind that you two would be a perfect match for one another.
Oscar: (Stares at Taiyang For a Brief Second Before Happily Bowing his Head to Him) Thank you, sir. I'm not as strong as Ruby, at least when it comes to combat, but I promise I'll continue to keep her safe.
Tai: You don't have to the strongest in the globe to try and look after her, yoi know? You're a team, partners in crime busting. You really think Ruby gonna let you fight on your own at your very lowest?
Oscar: No, she would beat 'em down in a bloody pulp if anyone dares lay a finger on me. Her words.
Tai: (Burst Out Laughing) Exactly! She'll always have your back and you'll always have hers, even when she'll propose to you on the spot one of these days!
Oscar: Pretty sure that's too early to- Wait. (Raises an Eyebrow Again) You think Ruby will propose before me?
Tai: (Forms a Cheeky Grin) I believe so, yes~ Girl's loves you way too much not to at this point. Especially since she takes under her mother, Summer.
Oscar: She proposed to you in the past?
Tai: Oh yeah. Night out under the stars, in the middle of the forest. (Starts Snickering) She quickly swept me off my feet and kissed me the very moment I said "Yes". That was like the most romantic thing she'd done yet!
Oscar: (Chuckles Lightly) Oho she is definitely Ruby's mom alright.
Tai: What? She swepts you off your feet too?
Oscar: More times than I can could.
'Door Opens'
WE'RE HOOOOOOME!~
Oscar: (Sighs as He and Tai Turns to See Two Very Familiar Faces Entering the Room) Speaking of which.......
Tai: (Smiles Brightly at his Two Daughters, Ruby and Yang) Hey there, ladies! How was your mini patrol today?
Yang: (Rolls her Eyes a Bit) As uneventfully time wasting as you can imagine.
Ruby: Yeah, they weren't any sight of Grimm anywhere so they let us come back home early. Which is great- (Rushes Over and Hugs Oscar Very Lovingly) Cause we missed you like crazy, honey!~
Yang: (Gently Ruffles the Top of Oscar's Hair With a Bright Smile) Hope you and dad had a great time at home together today. He wasn't boring you too much, was he?
Oscar: Nah. Not really. He was cool enough to make us both lemonade after I helped him take care of his garden and whatnot.
Tai: (Forms Another Cheeky Grin) I'm a good company in his eyes. Possibly better you girls are.
Yang: ('Playfully Scoffs') Please. I'm a FAR more funner company for him than you'll be, old man.
Ruby: (Starts Pouting at her Sister and Father) Um hello! Girlfriend in the room! I'm clearly the most superior company he ever has around here!~
Yang: Over Nora? I don't believe it.
Tai: Yeah, that kind seems far fetched there, kiddo.
Ruby: (Comically Glares at the Two) IS NOT!!
Oscar: Guys, guys, you ALL are amazing company to me. Now cool already.
Yang: (Points at Ruby) I will once she's brave enough to pop the question~
Ruby: (Turns to Yang) Hey! I'll put a ring on his finger one of these days, quit rushing me!!
Tai: (Watches the Girls Bicker Along with a Flustered Oscar) Well, whaddya know? (Gives Oscar a Bit of a Cocky Like Smirk) I was right on the money this hole-time~
'Bada Tssssss'
Oscar: (Gives his Future Father in Law a Deadpinned Look) Don't start. (Turns Back to his Girlfriend) Hey Ruby, I have a surprise to give you if you shimmer down a bit.
Ruby: (Growling at Tongue Sticked Out Yang Before Quickly Turning Back to Oscar) ('Gasps') You do? Truly?
Oscar: Yeah. (Gets Himself Up From his Seat) It's not much, but consider this a token for your hardwork as a huntress- (Gives Ruby a Kiss on the Cheek Before Turning Away, Blushing and Smiling a Little) As well as being the best girlfriend I could ever ask for~
Yang: (Clasps her Hands Together in Awe) Awwww~ That's so sweet~
Tai: (Chuckles Lightly) And very gentleman like!~ That kid's a real keeper, Ruby.
Ruby: (Giggles Softly While Blushing as Well) You darn right he is!~ (Hugs Oscar Again) How bold of you to kiss me in front if my dad like that, Mister Farm Boi!~
Oscar: (Shrugs) Yeah, well, it took every nerve in my body to even think about doing this. Don't expect this to be a recurring thing.
Ruby: Don't worry, I won't. (Forms a Mischievous Grin on her Face) Buuuuuuuuut~
Oscar: Oh god, what is it?
Ruby: Given that you've been so kind as to bond and help my dad with gardening, I think it's right that I return a favor, no?~
Oscar: Yeah, sure, if that's what you wanna- DO!? (Immediately Gets Swept Off His Feet by Ruby)
Ruby: (Happily Carrying Oscar in a Bridal Carry) Of course!~ (Looks Down at Oscar With a More Flirtatious Smirk on her Face) Now brace yourself and plucked up~ (Ignite her Kissy Fury Upon Oscar's Freckled Face)
Oscar: (Chuckles Ticklishly by Ruby's Love and Affection) Rubyhehehe!~ Not in front of your familyhe!~
Yang: (Let's Out a Bit of a Playful Grossed Out Noise While Watching the Couple's Antics Along with Her Father) ('Ugh') Young love.
Tai: (Smirks at Yang) Oh and like you haven't done the same to Blake.
Yang: Hey, at least we had the common decency to do it closed doors. Those two have no shame at all!
Tai: Just like your mother and I~
Yang: Summer or Raven?
Tai: ...............Yes.
Yang: (Sighs While Rolling her Eyes) Barf.
Tai: Hey, you asked!
Yang: And I'm regretting it as we speak! (Turns Back to Taiyang) Get off my freaking back!!
Tai: Twerp!
Yang: Old Fart!
Tai and Yang glare at each other for a few seconds before they start breaking down laughing.
Yang: ('Sigh') But no seriously though, dad. I'm glad you like Oscar.
Tai: (Smiles Softly as He Wrap his Arm Around his Elder Daughter's Arm) I am too, Yang. He's a really good kid and so long as he keeps my girl happy, that's good enough for me. Though I do wish he would appericate my puns a lot more. I'm getting desperate here.
Yang: (Gently Pats her Dad on the Back) He'll come around to them eventually.
Happy Father's Day!!!
@ma-lemons
@albion-93
@bestpony666
@maripr
@rwbyrosegardenweek
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inflatingnblue · 2 months ago
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I just wanna say that you’re beautiful, all the kinky shit aside. I’ve been getting posts recommended to me on my tumblr fyp that say you liked them, and they’re all horrible upsetting pro-ana stuff, and I don’t know if those are old likes or new ones, but I hope you aren’t falling prey to those demons. They’re always wrong, and all they ever want is to erase you and make you less of who you’re meant to be. You deserve better 💜
This is a long one, friends, so feel free to skip.
First, thank you for sending, Anon. You didn't have to and you still did.
Recovery is complicated, and that's an understatement. Although I like Violet and "blowing up," that's all in fantasy land. In the real world, I would like nothing more than to lose weight.
For the longest time I've believed that my worth comes from being thin and beautiful, that things would make sense and fall into place. That I wouldn't hate myself anymore if I could just get to the right size and then being the right size would also equate to beauty.
I started gaining weight after I was in recovery for a year. I gained a lot over the course of several years. I couldn't figure out what was wrong; working with my dietitian, going to the doctor's, getting test after test to just be told 🤷🏻‍♀️. I thought I was losing my mind. It was really hard to focus on recovery and I slipped a lot.
I was (and still am) extremely aware of how much space I take up and compared myself to those around me. I was (and still am) extremely aware of the fat shaming that happens around me. I hated leaving the house because I knew I would be judged for my size, and that judgment is still a fear I experience today.
I relapsed during 2022 and lost a "significant" amount of weight. I'm using quotes because that's how my therapist described it. I wish I had lost more so it didn't seem significant enough. Then in 2023 I finally found the answer I was looking for - lipedema. I was very grateful to know what was wrong, but it still sucks.
This year I've been working on recovery and it's been fucking difficult. I can't seem to just stay on one side. One day I'm gonna do my best and eat regularly and try to be nice to myself. The next day I may flip and start thinking about weight loss. This time the ED would work, I'll make sure it works. Pat myself on the back if I didn't eat while in the office or got a certain number of steps in. It's exhausting ping ponging back and forth.
My FYP matches that ping pong game. Sometimes I'm not even looking for ED related stuff and it hits me in the face. This might sound weird to some - EDs are very seductive. They can easily be called an addiction. My neuropathways are ready and raring to go down the highway to ED Land. Sometimes I can stop it along the way and sometimes I can't. Some of the posts feel comforting because I know I'm not alone. Some of the posts would be pretty alarming for most people with the imagery and text. I know it's not helpful to look at the pro ana and ED related posts. Just like I can be in awe with how big someone's tummy is, I can also be in awe of various pro ana content.
I know the actual problem is feeling like I don't deserve better. I punish myself for not meeting the high expectations I've collected over the years. Self compassion is still a foreign concept. Logically I understand why it's important to practice, it just seems wrong for some reason.
Again, Anon, I really appreciate you reaching out and voicing concern. It's helpful to hear the same positive and supportive messages from different areas of my life. And I'm sorry you're getting these recommendations. I didn't realize that would happen and now I remember I turned off the option to get recommendations. 😬 Just know I heard you. I'm sure you already know that change is slow, although I'll be more mindful of what I like on here.
Thanks 💙
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vitiligo-is-not-a-trend · 2 years ago
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Hello!! How are you? I’m a writer and I’d like to incorporate someone with vitiligo into my story, however, I don't know much, which is kind of a problem seeing as I want to be sensitive to the community. Would you be so kind as to tell me some things you do/don't want to see in characters that have vitiligo? Thank you so much!
Hi! Im good thanks for asking, hope you're also doing well!
That's a wonderful question! Before I start I'm just gonna say these are my views on the subject so if anyone else with vitiligo wants to chime in please do so! I'm probably gonna miss a few things!
Let's start with the donts first, and I very much appreciate the fact that you also asked for dos!
I think one of the more a major issues I see around vitiligo have to do with the way in which it's designed. I've made a few posts about it in the past with more details, I think theyre tagged under "character design( tips)". So doing things like making repeated shape patterns like hearts or animal prints or like skulls or whatever is Not Great. This includes making humanized versions of animals. Like recently for the new Puss in Boots movie a lot of people were drawing Kitty Softpaws as a human with vitiligo, and that just...does not feel great lmao. I am aware that things like that don't come from malice but it feels like being compared to an animal in a way.
Another issue I've seen is when it comes to how the character developed vitiligo it happened due to some curse or magic or (demonic) possession something along those lines. This is also a very bad idea, seeing as it's basically demonizing the condition.
Vitiligo is also complicated when it comes to its genetic. There are working theories/plausible explanations for how it occurs but there are a lot of varying factors. However, it is NOT passed down genetically (to an extent) so having a child does NOT mean that you're character's child will also have the condition. It is also not something you get get at birth/in the womb.
Don't change the coloration of it! Vitiligo is DEFINED as a lack of pigmentation, not a change in it, so you can't have characters walking around with pink and patches. You could make an argument with yellow if its for legos I guess but unless you're drawing every white person lego as that neon yellow I'd avoid it still.
Don't only give it your characters of color!! Especially if you only have a few! I feel like this is something I see frequently unfortunately, but having a character with vitiligo or albinism or pibaldism or whatever doesnt make a character less or more of one race or another. I saw a post where someone said it's "curing POC" so....yeah big yikes. I know because it's not as visible on white people some people dont think they can have it, and it doesnt get used frequently in examples which doesnt really help so yeah.
Also try not to make them a villian especially if theyre the only character with vitiligo
As for the Dos:
I'd love to see a character embrace this aspect of themselves. I know a lot of people and for a very long time myself include feel a sense of shame about it. It took me years to get to a point where I feel comfortable let alone happy about having it.
I'd love to see another character comment on it with a compliment, and have the majority of other characters reacting positively and/or neutrally towards its.
However this is technically a disability and there are people out there that do make fun of people for having it so maybe lightly touching on that would also be a good idea. if you don't feel comfortable out-right writing a scene like that, mentioning things in passing like "oh yeah I got bullied for it when I was younger" or "I actually used to cover it up with clothes and makeup" are good ideas.
Having your character also be aware of things like the time and UV index and whether or not they have sunscreen on is also important. Vitiligo is essentially the lack of melanin, which means that there's no real natural defense against sun exposure at play so being sensitive/aware of these things is a good idea especially if they're fairly new to the condition.
Maybe there's another character that also has vitiligo present in at least some aspect. Whether its just some person that your character looks up to and doesn't know personally, but knowing that they have it makes them feel better about themselves. For me this was Michael Jackson!
This is technically kind of a dont but vitiligo spots are very different depending on the variation that a person has! Spots seem to have a relatively slow progression and, as I mentioned, depending on variation, might not progress at all past certain areas. So if the character has a more progressing variation like Universal or Segmental maybe another character can note that a patch or few have gotten larger since they've last saw them especially if its been awhile and not like last moth.
That's all I can really think of as of now, but I'll reblog this if I think of anything else to add!
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patibato · 5 months ago
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[Bitter Sweet Sixteen] 002-A26 - All Grown-ups were Once—*
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Momiji: Phew… that was refreshing. Feels like it's been forever since I could take a relaxing soak in the bath.
(I've been so on edge over the kids this past while… I did pretty well for a job I'm not used to, if I do say so myself.)
And that's why—I think I ought to reward myself a little bit!
Udon snacks and olive oil mochi! Wasanbon sweets! And of course, local alcohol!
Alright, here I go! Chew chew…
*ding*
Momiji: S-so good…!
The refreshing olive oil aroma hits your nose first, and a savoury aroma follows it! The flavour is satisfying, but not heavy at all!
Coupled with a scent that stimulates the appetite, you can't help but reach for the next…!
(This time yesterday we were still at Shodoshima, making a ruckus. Feels like a week has passed since then already…)
…It sure is quiet.
Sakujiro: You appear to be basking in the afterglow of Shodoshima.
Momiji: Sa-Sakujiro-san. Sorry, I was talking pretty loudly to myself…!
Sakujiro: Not at all. I simply came to grab a drink while taking a break from work.
Momiji: …Ah. Right, the report cards for those five—how did they go?
Sakujiro: I am currently right in the middle of grading them.
Momiji: (Their score will determine whether or not they can become Ward Mayors…)
(They're at the very bottom of the school caste system, five problem children…)
I'm getting kinda nervous, after all this time.
Sakujiro: Though it seems the ones in question have completely forgotten about it.
Momiji: Ahaha, you've got that right— …
Sakujiro: Whatever is the matter?
Momiji: Ah, well… it's just sinking in how happy it made me, that even though they were all uninterested and lacked motivation at first, in the end they really pushed forward and gave it their all.
Sakujiro: Indeed, they all had such wonderful spirits.
Momiji: …Personally, I've felt this since high school, but when it comes to looking before you leap, or rather… with the disagreements and failures that may happen as you get older—
How do you come to terms with those when they actually stand in your way…?
Watching them made me realise that I may have grown accustomed to rationalising those situations.
Sakujiro: …Yes, that's certainly true.
I'm the type who could never find hopes and dreams as passionate as they have—
It certainly helped that I had my sunglasses on for the trip. Else I would have been blinded.
Momiji: Ahahaha! That's true!
Sakujiro: That goes for seeing you in front of me right now, too.
Momiji: What are you talking about? It's fine to spend your whole life searching for hopes and dreams.
I've seen plenty of older people smile and tell me they used to think travelling didn't suit them and was a pain, but as they got older, they came to love it.
Sakujiro: Oh my, that's splendid. I'm envious.
However, just as there are people who can eventually find them in the prime of their life, so too will there be those who can't.
Momiji: …
*shuffling*
Sakujiro: ? Chief, this is…
Momiji: Here. It's the tastiest treat I have.
Sakujiro: … Thank you very much. I shall accept this, along with your feelings.
Momiji: And—if they manage to become Tourism Ward Mayors, it might spark a revolution in the school caste system, so please remember that I gave you this, and…!
Sakujiro: No can do. Even with a bribe, I shall grade them without bias.
Momiji: Kh…!
Sakujiro: Well then, I shall go and push through a little longer. …Until tomorrow.
Momiji: Yeah, see you tomorrow—
(It'll be fine. I know those kids can do it…)
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Akuta: Hee~y, I have arrived! It's been two days, how's everyone doin'~? Yay yay!
Ushio: So noisy, this early… you don't need to do a weird dance, so hurry and close the door. You're letting in the hot air from the hallway.
Akuta: Today's when we finally get our results, yeah~! I'm excited! Thought I wouldn't be able to sleep 'cause of nerves but I was out like a light!
Nanaki: Aah, that energy takes me back. Feels like we've returned to Shodoshima.
Muneuji: Yes, it's been a while since we've been face-to-face. My heart is leaping.
Nanaki: Mine isn't at all.
Ushio: Honestly, I don't care about being a Ward Mayor. In fact, I hope I fail. It's a hassle.
Muneuji: You two aren't honest in the slightest.
Nanaki: Eeh.
Ushio: …That's not true at all.
Akuta: Ahaha, it's so funny when Ushio acts like a stereotypical tsundere~!
Anyway, Kiroku, why're you in ultra depression mode?
Kiroku: …
Ushio: Poor thing only found out the egg went missing after the fact.
Muneuji: I know you were more attached to it than anyone else. Don't fret—I'm sure it's living a happy life among the sea anemone.
Kiroku: …
Ushio: Come on, get over it already. It's humid enough as is, and you're just making it more oppressive-
*door opens*
Momiji: Good morning, everyone!
Sakujiro: Good morning.
Akuta: Mornin' Sensei and Kari-sen. Your hair and clothes are as perfect today as al… hm?
Who's that~? The guy behind you.
Ushio: …
Kiroku: …
Sakujiro: Very good. It took but one second for you all to settle into silence.
Today is the long-awaited announcement of your results from Shodoshima, but there is something to talk about first.
Allow me to introduce him. This gentleman is the President of Hama Tours—
*chalk writing*
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Kafka: It's nice to meet you all, who stand at the bottom of the school caste system. I am Oguro Kafka.
Nanaki: …
Kafka: Today, I thought I'd come to talk to everyone about something you won't have been informed of.
It'll take a little while, so get comfortable and listen. —Chief Momiji, the data hologram.
Momiji: On it!
Kafka: I believe Chief has explained this to you already, but the "Special Tourism Ward" Hama is in an unfavourable state as a tourist destination. To put it bluntly, it's starting to go under.
We at Hama Tours are working to break that status quo—
Ushio: …
Momiji: (As expected from Kafka… he's great at holding a talk… Even Ushio-kun is listening attentively, without butting in. I have to learn from this…)
Kafka: …And so, we've been looking for companions to liven Hama up together with. I would be very happy if you could be that for us.
Kiroku: … …
Kafka: —Next, why were you the ones chosen as candidates?
Momiji: (I haven't heard that yet myself…)
Kafka: When my mother was alive, she was close with the Principal's "relatives". The motivation was getting advice from an educator's perspective on what kind of people would be good choices for Ward Mayors.
Muneuji: …The Principal…
Ushio: What's up, Muuchan?
Muneuji: …It's nothing.
Kafka: The idea of choosing students who have room to grow was agreeable to me. I'm quite the fan of the potential that dwells within imperfection.
And so, after careful consideration on our part, we chose you.
*The chapter title is likely a cut off quote from "The Little Prince", so I translated based on that (with the full quote being "All grown-ups were once children… but only few of them remember it.")
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