#Holy fuck

[kalicocal]

the moment vi realised caitlyn's the love of her life

[iteh3xael]

House MD Script: "The Quiet Hustle"

Cold Open

[Scene: Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Cuddy enters House's office holding a file.]

Cuddy: We’ve got a new patient for you. Severe coughing fits, intermittent fever, respiratory distress. House (spinning his cane lazily): Sounds boring. Give it to Chase—he needs something to do between waxing his chest and saving koalas. Cuddy: She’s young, otherwise healthy, and a little cagey about her occupation. Says she’s an “online content creator.”

House (perking up): Online content creator? Translation: she’s an OnlyFans model. Cameron (walking in, appalled): That’s a sexist assumption, House. Cuddy (glaring): She could be anything from a YouTuber to a TikToker.

House (grinning, now fully interested): You’re both offended enough that I now have to take the case. Let’s go solve the mystery of whether she’s filming makeup tutorials or selling feet pics.

[Cue opening credits.]

Act 1

[Scene: Diagnostics conference room. House, Cameron, Chase, and Foreman review the patient’s file.]

Cameron: She says she makes “relaxation content.” Could be ASMR. House (to Chase): Does ASMR count as porn? You’re our resident expert. Chase (uneasy): What? I’m not an expert. House (squinting at him suspiciously): Hmm. Noted.

Foreman: Who cares what she does online? It’s irrelevant to her symptoms. House: Everything is relevant until proven otherwise. Cameron, Foreman, go dig into her backstory. Chase, start the tests. I’ll do some research on “relaxation content.”

[Cut to: House in his office, Googling “relaxation content.” He finds himself on OnlyFans and starts scrolling through profiles. Suddenly, he stops, shocked.]

House (muttering to himself): Well, well, well... Dr. Robert Chase. You’ve been holding out on us.

if house md were running in 2024 there would be an episode with a patient who identifies as an ‘online content creator’ (cagily) where house agrees to take the case primarily because when he offhandedly refers to her as an onlyfans model both cameron and cuddy get really offended and say it’s a sexist assumption so he doubles down and becomes committed to finding the patient’s onlyfans and proving it. at some point it would be revealed that chase actually is an onlyfans model and started doing it as a stopgap after his dad died and he suddenly got disinherited but he makes so much money off it that now medicine is basically just a hobby. cameron and foreman both disagree with the concept online sex work but it turns out they disagree for different reasons (cameron thinks it’s exploitative and not-feminist, foreman finds it distasteful and thinks people should get ‘real jobs’) and spend most of their scenes together arguing about this while chase gets continually more shifty. they break into the patient’s house and there’s a full ringlight and camera setup which seems to confirm house’s suspicions. while trying to find the patient’s onlyfans house accidentally finds chase’s onlyfans instead and considers publicly embarrassing him about it like he did with wilson’s sex tape but soon realises that most of the staff at the hospital are already subscribed to chase’s onlyfans so makes fun of him for that instead. it then transpires that the reason why the patient is so cagey about being a content creator is that she’s an ASMR artist and all the soap she’s been shaving on camera has irritated her lungs. cuddy is about to make house give her 20 extra hours of clinic duty as recompense but at last minute it’s revealed that the website the patient uses for some of her bonus commissions is, drumroll…onlyfans, because she’s been banned from patreon. how does house know this? wilson is subscribed to her because the soap videos sometimes soothe him to sleep. something by cigarettes after sex plays. roll end credits.

[marchsfreakshow]

God I want Deadpool so bad.

Anyway.

[ilta222]

is anyone actually breaking even or saving in america these days? my costs/bills are so low and i'm still struggling so much lmao

[youtastesweet]

“Your leg… Your disease… But you were never broken viktor. There is beauty in imperfections. They made you who you are, an inseparable piece of everything…. I admired about you”

[l0vel3tterl0ver]

This is the closest we’ll ever get to Melvika meeting in real life, and I’m [not] okay with that.

I can take them both

[coonazz74]

Seriously? Dude, that's something you'd seen in the basement. But not made of chocolate

[yuri-hell-world]

THIS SPACE LEFT INTENTIONALLY BLANK

[finnbin]

oh god oh god oh god that hurts

[moodyvoid]

New Horikoshi Sketch featuring Toga, Dabi, & Spinner!

[gnomeantics]

i love knowing basic css

[moonlightmagical]

once again a lou wilson reaction represents the entire audience, as this was exactly the face i was making as the last 20 minutes of episode 11 happened

[bibbidibobbidibucky]

sebastian came for our throats

[melonthesprigatito]

I THOUGHT THE COMPANY THAT MADE THE MARIO AND LUIGI SERIES WENT BANKRUPT?!

[analysistics]

I love them so fucking much oh my god I need them. I'm a Matt girl, but holy fucking shit Chris is hot.

Him in this video was SOOOO UNDERRATED

I need to fuck him so bad you don’t get it

[drenched-in-sunlight]

*Shadow of the Erdtree late game spoiler under the cut !!!

I’m going to throw up … it sounds crazy but. I think I know what the Hornsent did to Marika’s home village now. And why she hates the Omen so much, why Messmer shows them no mercy 😭😭

Please, look closely at the jar innards in Belurat Gaol… they look like Marika … 😭😭 even the brand on their forehead looks like a mix of her and Radagon’s current symbol (as seen on their soreseal)

If my whole family were kidnapped and stuffed into jars because others thought it’d make them "good", I’d go insane, become literal God and take revenge on them too idk.

This is the text outside of her village:

Have mercy. And the two items in the village indicates that Marika wrapped the whole place in a healing spell, knowing full well there is no one left to heal. Grief. Her grief and love protect that place all this time (before the village are two Tree Sentinels).

The only place in the Land of Shadow still bathed in Gold. And now Messmer guarded it with all his heart. Holy shit.

If Marika came from a village whose ppl were thought to be inferior and should be stuffed into jar to be reborn, yet she went and became a God, while the Hornsent failed to reach divinity, despite proclaiming themselves “chosen people” (Stalwart horn charm +2)… yeah I can see why they said she betrayed them and that she’s a wanton strumpet. 🙃

Also I think the “seduction” is from the Two Fingers, telling her to accept being a vessel to the Elden Ring and it’ll grant her the power to avenge her people. Look where she ended up now 🙂

There, I solved the story trailer.

EDIT: you can find a Numen’s Rune in Jarburg 🙃

Me 2 years ago: haha why is there Numen’s rune in Jarburg? Aren’t they Marika’s people? So random ! 😄😄

Me now finding out it’s because Numens were the original jar innards: ….

EDIT 2: it’s confirmed in-game that the shamans from Marika’s home village is the jar innards…

the golden hair... be serious with me right now

EDIT 3: She was salvaging the remains of her people and made them the symbol of her divine ascension. their death and suffering would never be forgotten, and the day will come when vengeance would be theirs.

Thank you for coming to my tedtalk 👍

EDIT 4: Update about the mistranslation of Greatjar description leading to players thinking people from Marika’s village are also helping Hornsent hunt down their own people. They are not!