#I've got about 7 weeks so its possible. but i do still have to finish book 4

[deoidesign]

My comic is so pretty...

The hiatus is letting me take a little extra time on these episodes, and I'm definitely putting it to good use!!!

[matan4il]

Daily update post:

Today, Israel is voting in its local elections (for mayors and city councils). ALMOST all of Israel. The original date was at the end of October 2023, for obvious reasons, the elections were postponed. There were also a lot of mayor nominees, who were summoned for reserves service due to the war, and one of the reasons why the elections were postponed more than once, was to give as many of them as possible a chance to finish their service, and participate in their own election campaign. But even so, there are still hundreds of thousands of people from evacuated communities (displaced people, internal refugees, however you wanna call them), and therefore not everyone will be voting today. For the evacuated cities and towns, the elections were postponed until November. Looking at things, it's not sure they'll be back in their homes by then either, so IDK what their elections will look like. And then of course there are the hostages. Save for two, 4 years old Ariel Bibas and his 1 years old baby brother Kfir, they all had the right to vote, and none will get to. We remember them and hurt over their absence and everything being continuously being stolen from them on this day, too. On a side note, the national supervisor of these local electional is Rayan Ghanem. And if you know Jewish last names, you know Ghanem is not one of them. I'm trying to remember a time in apartheid South Africa when a non-white was a national supervisor of elections.

Despite still pointing out that the International Court of Justice has no right to judge the case brought to it by South Africa (becaue of SA's false claims to bring this case to court), Israel has filed a report in accordance with one of the ICJ's provisional measures, showing that its actions are in compliance with all of them (like providing humanitarian aid to Gaza, and doing all it can to protect civilians).

Meanwhile, at Harvard, just 6 weeks after she was appointed to lead the task force meant to combat Jew hatred, the university's antisemitism tsar has quit her position, with reports saying that she's frustrated over her inability to implement practical measures.

Remember when I wrote about Idan Amedi, the Israeli singer and actor that most people outside our country know from his role on Fauda? He gave a really moving speech when he was released from the hospital. I've wanted to share it for a while, but couldn't find it translated well. I found this bit:

But it really doesn't cover how moving the whole speech is (it's 9 minutes long). Among other things, he also thanked medical teams, assured Israelis we have the best ones, and apologized to his soldiers who died in the same incident in which he was injured. He also mentioned that he was unrecognizable when he was rushed into the hospital, and that doctors only identified him by the note that was attacked to his hand. It turns out, he really wanted people to see what he was talking about, and to understand that by the time he gave this public speech, he was already looking much better than on the day of he was wounded. So here is the image he shared himself on his IG (just scroll quickly past it, if you feel like it is too much for you, which is an understandbale reaction):

This is 68 years old David Edri.

On October 7, he was held hostage with his wife by Hamas for hours. At a certain point, he even covered his wife Rachel with his own body, in order to protect her from the terrorists' shots. They both survived. Yesterday, we got the news that he has passed away. His family said the trauma and stress from the massacre, and the news of its scale, had aggravated his medical problems for the last couple of months, until he could no longer go on.

This is 23 years old Raz Mizrachi.

In May 2021, she was injured in a vehicular terrorist attack in Jerusalem, but survived. On Oct 7, she was attending the Nova music festival. Her last phone call was to the police, to help instruct them on where she and dozens of others were hiding from Hamas terrorists, inside a public bomb shelter. Raz was murdered shortly after that. When her mom got a copy of the call's recording, she said it was a great source of comfort to the family, to know that Raz was a fighter till the last moment.

May their memory be a blessing.

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

[gojos-thot-patrol]

hiiii i learned your name Aiden!!! How are you? Hallow i’m the sugu angst anon, sadly not asking for angst because poor sugu need a break and i love him so much so he deserves the whole world, i wanna thank you for writing my requests 🫶

and if you wanna consider 👀 perhaps an au where sugu didn’t spiral into the whole monkeys thing and so he is a teacher just like satoru? and he’s dating reader whose also a teacher, and they’re in a secret relationship that got revealed and gojo feels betrayed LMAO, anddd that’s all, hope you’re doing great! 🫶

Angsty Anon, how are you!? I love your requests, it's always a pleasure to write for you 💙💙 and yeah, I'm Aiden! I'm only now realizing I've never properly introduced myself on here, so, I guess this is my official introduction lol. And of course, I would love to consider Sugu as a teacher, that's so cute!

Now Loading...

Starring Suguru Geto, in a slightly softer world.

Have you ever heard of the multiverse theory? It gets switched around and misinterpreted a lot, but the basic premise of it is that for every possible outcome, there is a universe that follows it. So, for example, if you're on a walk one morning, and come across a fork in the road, you may choose the left path. When you do this, another universe is created in which you choose the right path, and yet another still where you didn't go on any walk at all.

As such, this implies that there are some fundamental truths across all universes. Every universe you encounter will have stars in the sky, and a force of gravity will keep everyone down. You won't find a universe where atoms aren't the building blocks of life. You won't find a universe that doesn't have a sun in its center. And you won't find a universe where Suguru Geto is a morning person. 

He all but yells into his pillow as his alarm sounds off at 5:45 AM. He considers violence, a possible war crime against his phone for committing the egregious sin of waking him up before the sun is even up. He considers aggressively turning the alarm off and going back to sleep, letting the world continue on without him as he becomes one with his comforter. 

And in the end he does none of it. He turns his alarm off like a normal person, and forces himself out of bed at the truly ungodly hour of 5:45 AM. Why you ask? Because class starts at 7 AM, and the kids he teaches are relying on him to show up and be a model jujutsu sorcerer, just like they are for all of the other teachers at Jujutsu High. And just as it is a fundamental truth that Suguru Geto is not a morning person, it's a fundamental truth that he would do absolutely anything for those he loves. And Suguru loves all of those kids, even if they can get a little annoying at times. 

He’s falling asleep while brushing his teeth when he gets his first text of the day from you. A short and sweet “Good morning sweetie 💜” to give him the motivation to push through his morning routine. 

He sends “Good morning to you too Darling 🖤” to you while smiling, finishing up brushing his teeth before mentally preparing himself for the arctic plunge of a shower he’s about to take to finish waking himself up. 

Once he’s dressed and as awake as he’s going to be at 6:00 AM, he goes to check on Nanako and Mimiko out of habit. Of course, he finds their shared room empty, considering they moved into the dorms a week ago when school started. 

“Right.” He grumbled to himself, shaking his head. At this point, it feels like he’ll never get used to them not being around. He wondered how Satoru adapted so quickly when Megumi moved into the dorms. Then again, Satoru seemed to be made for adaptation, meanwhile, Suguru had always struggled more with change. 

Before he could get too lost in his thoughts, A car horn blared through the quiet suburb. “What is he-?!” Suguru snapped at the air before rushing outside and into his friends car.

“What the hell are you doing Satoru?!” He asked, suddenly very awake.

“Letting you know I’m here.” Gojo smiled as he pulled out of Sugurus drive way and onto the road.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but could you not have just texted me?” Suguru grumbled, “You’re going to wake up the entire neighborhood!”

“My phones dead.” Satoru shrugged. He had a habit of passing out while scrolling tik tok and forgetting to put his phone on the charger. 

“And I suppose knocking on my door was out of the question?” Suguru asked. Gojo clearly did not see the issue with violating air pollution laws, and it was starting to irk him.

“In the rain? No way dude!” He laughed. It was at this point Geto looked out the window. Well shit, it was raining. He was so focused on just getting to the car he managed to miss it. 

“It’s like, barely raining.” He argued with his friend. The white haired main beside him just shrugged.

“Hey man, you’re lucky I give you a ride at all,” Gojo reminded him, “I could just teleport to school.” Suguru would have tried to argue with that, but he knew better than to enter an argument on the losing side. He just sighed and shook his head.

“Whatever man….thanks for the ride.” He added at the end.

“You’re welcome!” Gojo smiled. Suguru sighed as he got comfortable in the seat, leaning against the window. The main reason he got rides from Gojo was so he could take a nap on the way to the school. It was a long drive, and the thirty minutes he spent passed out in Gojos car went a long way to making him not an asshole to his class in the morning. It felt like his eyes had been closed for all of two seconds before Satrou was waking him up, letting him know they had made it to their destination. 

“Good morning Geto, good morning Gojo!” You greeted the men as they joined you in the teachers lounge. Suguru smiled warmly when he saw your face, familiar and bright, even at 6:30 in the morning. 

“Good morning L/n.” Geto yawned as he rushed to the coffee pot in the room, still half full.

“Morning L/n!” Satoru beamed as he sat next to you. Normally, the three of you were on a first name basis, but a professional setting calls for professional dialect. “So, you two do anything fun on your weekend?” Gojo asked. Geto looked at you from the corner of his eyes, seeing how you handled this situation. You would have stolen a glance at him, but Gojo would have definitely noticed that.

“Eh, not much really,” You shrugged, “I went and visited my parents, and mostly just tried to catch up on reading.” That was definitely, 100% not what you were doing this weekend. In actuality, you had spent the entire weekend with Suguru. The two of you had seen a movie, checked out his favorite soba shop, and spent the vast majority of the time cuddled in his bed watching horror movies to get ready for ‘spooky season’ despite the fact in was, indeed, April. 

But you couldn’t say any of that to Gojo. You and Suguru were co-workers, your romantic relationship wasn’t just discouraged and taboo- the employee handbook strictly forbid it. As much as the two of you wanted to tell your shared best friend about the beautiful relationship you’d found, you couldn’t. Mostly cause Satoru couldn’t keep a secret to save his ass.

“Cool! What about you Suguru?” Gojo smiled as he looked to his best friend, deciding for now that professional language was for the birds.

“Eh, I mostly stayed in. I re-watched the scream movies.” He shrugged as he drank his black coffee.

“Isn’t it kinda early to be watching horror movies? Or, I guess late?” Gojo asked. 

“It is never too early for spooky movies.” You said, jumping to Getos defense maayybe just a little too quickly. Gojo raised his eyebrows at you. 

“So I see were feeling a little defensive.” He pointed out. 

“Not defensive, I’m just saying. It’s always horror movie time if you’re not a coward.”

“Hey, I-”

“Uhh, Sensei?” Itadori asked as he popped his head into the door. Immediately all attention went to him, and silently, you thanked the pink haired boy for saving your ass.

“Hey Itadori! What’s up?” Gojo asked, all smiles for his student. 

“I could really use your help with the algebra assignment from last night,” Itadori explained, “I don’t think I really grasp…well numbers.” He explained. Gojo chuckled and shook his head, but didn’t argue cause he, like Geto, knew better than to argue with the truth.

“Yeah Kid, no problem. Let’s go to the classroom.” Satoru said, getting up and letting Itadori lead the way. There was a heavy silence that filled the room after, both of you listing to Satoru’s footsteps until they vanished. Once they were gone, you both let out a deep breath.

“Well that could have gone worse.” Suguru chuckled softly.

“Yeah, that was my bad,” You sighed, “I swear, he looks into the littlest of things.”

“That’s Satoru.” Suguru confirmed with a nod, “Always suspicious of something. Somethings never change.” He shrugged. You looked around, making sure the coast we clear before standing up to give Suguru a quick hug. 

“Ain’t that the truth.” You chuckled. Suguru smiled as he held you close, his mind wondering off to the other things that never seemed to change. The school, sorcerer society as a whole, the way he felt for you- even all the way back in high school. He had a crush on you even before you saved him, and it only intensified after.

Of course, as far as you’re concerned you didn’t save anyone that day in the graveyard. You just talked some sense into an old friend. You would never know just how close to the edge Suguru was that day. How could you? All you knew was that his faith was shaken, and he needed some reassurance. 

He could still go back to that afternoon in his mind like replaying a movie. He could still see the gray skies of fall, heavy with dark clouds. He could still smell the rain water and grave dirt hanging in the air. And could still sense the confusion he felt when you brought him to your best friends grave. He had never met the girl, she had died to a curse long before you enrolled in Jujutsu High. So why were you bringing him here now?

“This is where my friend lies,” You explained to him what he already knew. “It’s been a few years now, but I still think of her every day.”

“I’m sorry for your loss Y/n.” He said the only think he knew to say.

“Suguru, why are you a Jujutsu Sorcerer?” You asked, suddenly looking at him with overly intense eyes that made him feel so small. Why did he was he a Jujutsu Sorcerer? He didn’t fucking know! Especially not anymore. He used to know. But, he lost that direction. After Riko died. After Haibara died. He didn’t know what the point to any of this was anymore.

“Why are you a Jujutsu Sorcerer?” He asked back, not so smoothly dodging the question. You just pointed at the grave.

“For her. And for you, and for Riko and Haibara. For everyone I have loved and will love, I do it to protect them.” You explained it as if it was just that easy. And maybe it was. For you.

“How are we protecting them exactly?” He asked, eyes narrowing in suspicion, “Please, tell me just how exactly we protected Riko and Haibara?” He questioned.

“We protect them in death.” You shrugged, “Honor what they would have wanted. Do you really think Riko would want you to waste the life she so desperately wanted because of her death? Do you think Haibara would have wanted you to throw away all of your potential because some higher ups fucked him over? Or do you think they would want you to live your life to the fullest, and work hard to see that potential fulfilled?”

“I think they would want us to fight for a fundamental change in the system. For a world without curses.” 

“Suguru, you and I both know that’s not possible.”

“But it is,” He argued, saying things out loud he had only thought up until now, “Humans are the only ones to produce curses, you know.”

“So what? You’re just going to kill all humans?” You scoffed at the absurdity of the idea, and he genuinely felt a little embarrassed. “What would that fix?”

“Well, there would be no curses, for one.” He pointed out.

“And what would that achieve?”

“We wouldn’t have to watch our friends and family die at the hands of disgusting curses!” He argued, frustrated that you couldn’t see his vision.

“No, we would just have to watch them die at the hands of other sorcerers, right?” You pointed out. “A world without curses doesn’t fix the cruelty that created them. Curses aren’t what killed Riko, and removing them won’t bring back Haibara.”

“No, Humans killed Riko.” He could still hear that god forsaken cult, clapping away as if a little girl hadn’t just been slaughtered. No, worse. Clapping away because a little girl had just been slaughtered. It was all he could hear late at night. You sighed and nodded.

“That's true. She was killed by a human, who was raised by sorcerers.”

“So are you trying to argue that actually sorcerers are the root of all evil?”

“No Suguru, I’m trying to argue that there is no “Root of all evil.” That it’s all just beings that exist. There are bad humans, of course. Just like how there are bad sorcerers. Everything that exists exists with some good and some bad. You can’t just fix the world with one final, fucked up solution.”

“I just don’t see the point in trying to save people who historically treat us like were fucking disposable!” Suguru snapped, hating that it was starting to seem really hopeless. Were you right? Was there really nothing he could do?

“Sugu, I think you’re getting caught in the details. You’re not seeing the forest for the trees.” You sighed. “ Yes, the Star Cult was full of the most fowl people. And yeah, a lot of humans do treat us like shit. But there are just as many humans who are kind to us. Humans who see their children's cursed techniques as blessings, not curses. Humans willing to die if it means being there for the sorcerers they love and standing by them. Humans like your parents, and my best friend. Humans that are worth protecting.”

“So we have to protect them all just because a few are good?”

“Would you protect a bad person to save me?” You asked. He hadn’t really thought of it like that. It was a moral question he wasn’t ready for, and struggled to find an answer to.

“I mean, I guess I would.” He finally said. 

“Exactly. That’s kinda the point of Jujutsu Sorcery for me. It’s not to protect the world- that’s too monumental of a task even for Satoru Gojo. It’s to protect the ones I love and care for.”

“And what about when we can’t protect them?” He could feel the tears prickle as his eyes now, a stinging that demanded attention. He rubbed his eyes in a futile attempt to make it go away.

“Then I live to honor them, in a way I think would make them proud. I understand where you’re coming from. Heartache is a hell of a thing to battle, and witnessing a young death changes a person. But, continuing to perpetuate that hurt, won’t make it go away. Especially when it comes to such grandiose ideas like “kill all humans!” it doesn’t fix anything. It just hurts the people around you, both with us and departed. I mean, is slaughtering a billion strangers really worth ruining the people closest to you? The ones who love you? Please, don’t let your hate kill you Suguru.”

He didn’t know what to say. But that line rang in his ears. Please, don’t let your hate kill you Suguru. It drowned out the clapping in his mind. Please, don’t let your hate kill you Suguru. It played louder than Yuki telling him that humans were the only ones to create curses, and that he knew what he believed. Please, don’t let your hate kill you Suguru. And it was what was playing in his ears as he stared at two kids in a cage. Scared, alone, neglected. He felt it then, his hate rise up like bile in his throat, threatening to slaughter him. Please, don’t let your hate kill you Suguru. Please, don’t let your hate kill you Suguru.

He took a minuet to breathe. Was killing this village really going to do anything? It would feel good, yeah- righteous even. But there were a million more like it. And he couldn’t single handedly slaughter them all. Not without hurting You, Gojo, Shoko, Riko, Haibara, and his own mother all in the process. Were a billion strangers worth the people he loved? 

“You know, if you don’t want these girls in the village, there’s a better way to handle it.” That night he adopted Nanako and Mimiko. Sure, he may not be able to save every Jujutsu Sorcerer in the world. But at least he could save these two. A few weeks later, that village burned to the dirt in a forest fire, so maybe karma was real. 

The bell ringing broke his train of thought, and snapped him back to the real world. You smiled as you gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “See you at lunch!” You winked to him as you grabbed your bag and made your way to your classroom. He smiled softly as he watched you go. 

“Yeah, see you then.” He said, making his way to his own classroom. 

Suguru swore up and down his class wasn’t hard. It was classical literature, if ya just read the book, and did the assignments, he was pretty generous with the A’s. It was why conversations like this were always at least mildly amusing to him. 

“I just don’t understand why you’re being to difficult about this” Nobara argued, “It’s just a few points!”

“Nobara, rounding from a C to an A is not a few points. It’s an entire letter grade.” He gently reminded her. 

“Yeah, and what’s an entire letter grade if not just a few points?” She argued back. He sighed and rubbed his temples. Nobara had always been a forced to be reckoned with, and was always determined to get what she wanted.

“Look, Nobara, I’ll compromise with you. You know the big report we have coming up on Fires on the Plain?”

“I do.” She confirmed.

“If you do really well on it, And I mean really well, I need you to make at least an A on it- I’ll bump your grade to a B+” That was where her grade would be at anyway if she made an A on the report, “Sound good?” Nobora grinned like she got away with something.

“Oh yeah, I could do that in my sleep!” She declared, and Suguru had to hold back a laugh, “You’re on Sensei!” She grinned, muttering a soft ‘sucker’ under her breath as she left the room. Once she was gone, Suguru let his chuckle out. It was always fun tricking his students into accidentally taking their studies serious. 

“Whats got you giggling?” You asked from his doorway, a small smile creeping onto your lips from the sound of his light laughter.

“Oh, nothing,” He said with a wave of his hand, “Just my students thinking they’re gaming the system by-” He pretended to check his notes- “Doing the work.”

“Let me guess, Nobara?”

“It was Nobara.” He confirmed, and you both let out a small giggle. You walked into his classroom and leaned against his desk facing him. 

“Very on brand for her. So, have you thought about dinner tonight?” You asked. He smiled and nodded, getting out of his chair to come and wrap his arms around your waist. Was it risky? Kind of, everyone was out to lunch, sure, but that didn’t mean that you two weren’t out in the open. He couldn’t help it though. Whenever you were around, he had to have his arms around you. He didn’t spend almost 6 years chasing your affections to not hold you whenever he could. 

“I have actually,” He smiled, “I thought we could cook something together tonight? I found a new pork belly recipe that seemed right up your ally.”

“Oooo, another night in! How exciting!” You giggled. And you meant it too. While to most people, a night in was a boring everyday thing, Jujutsu Sorcerers weren’t blessed with the luxury of having a night at home promised to them. They weren’t even guaranteed the simple pleasure of coming home at night. So, a night in to the two of you was fun, exciting, and unquantifiably valuable. 

“I thought you’d be excited,” He smiled lovingly at you. You look so precious in his arms. He couldn’t believe something as beautiful and pristine as you found any value in him. That you had found him worthy of the time it took to save him. Suguru wasn’t a religious man, but he thought maybe he could believe in angels if they were half as perfect as you were. He had no idea what he did to earn the right to have you as his angel, but he was so fucking happy he did it.

His swelling emotions got the better of him, and he leaned down to kiss you. A warm current flowed between the two of you, the familiar taste of cinnamon coffee filling your senses as you melted into him. He was comforting and safe, and in his embrace you were almost convinced nothing bad could ever happen. 

“OH, I KNEW IT!” Of course something bad had to happen. The two of you scrambled away from each other, looking at Gojo like two teenagers that had been caught making out in your parents car. It was actually embarrassing. “I KNEW YOU TWO HAD A THING!”

“Satoru, It’s not what it looks like!” You panicked.

“Yeah, It’s not like that, Y/n just…had something on her face! I was wiping it off.”

“With your mouth!?” Gojo scoffed.

“...Yes?” Someone, take away Suguru’s lying privileges. Your face hit your plam at the lame lie, and Gojo rolled his eyes.

“I’d asked if you guys thought I was dumb, but clearly you do! Why would you keep this from me?” He all but whined as he fully entered the classroom.

“Well Satoru, it’s…well..” You tried to think of something to save his feelings.

“There are celebrity tabloids better at keeping secrets than you Satoru.” Nevermind Suguru, go back to lying.

“Hey, that’s not true!” Satoru said on his own defense, “When Shoko started smoking again I kept that secret!”

“Shoko started smoking again?” You gasped.

“...fuck.” Satoru whispered. 

“See Satoru! That’s what we mean.” Suguru sighed, seeing his job flash before his eyes. 

“It’s still not cool!” Gojo pouted, “My two closest friends in the entire world fall in love and they won’t even tell me! No wonder you guys haven’t wanted to hang out on the weekends. You’ve been together, haven’t you!?” You and Suguru looked down in shame. Maybe it wasn’t exactly fair to keep him completely out of the loop. 

“Do you guys hate me?” Gojo asked, the betrayal he felt seeping into his voice. 

“No, Satoru, we love you!” You assured him.

“You’re our best friend, of course we love you!” Suguru confirmed, “We just also like being able to pay rent!”

“Paying rent is so important!” You nodded. 

“I wouldn’t tell anyone!” Satoru insisted, “I would never do anything to put your livelihoods at risk! I thought you guys would have known that.” He pouted. 

“We do know that,” You sighed.

“Do we?” Suguru whispered, just for you to swiftly pat him to remind him to behave.

“We were just being cautious. I’m sorry we hurt your feelings Satoru.” You apologized as you went to your wounded friend, patting his back for comfort. Suguru joined you on his other side.

“Yeah man, I’m sorry. We’ll try and keep you in the loop about more things, okay?” Suguru promised. Satoru sniffled and nodded. 

“Okay…I forgive you guys.” He said, looking up and smiling at the two of you. “So when do I get to come to date night?”

[batrachised]

I got tagged by @kraytwriter to do a 20 questions challenge! I've done this one a few times, but I like it every time because it's fun to see how my answers change :D

With that, let's do this!

20 Questions for Writers

How many works do you have on AO3?

A total of 50 across my accounts now! wow!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

ao3 is down so I can't check :( i know its a few hundred thousand!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Star Wars, LM Montgomery, and I made a brief foray into Bridgerton that is now dead in the water because I disliked the third season so much D;

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

ao3 is down :( I know my bridgerton fics would probably take up a good chunk of these - writing for it was certainly a lesson in writing for an extremely active fandom. I wrote my fics for the main couple of season 3 in the weeks before and after season 3 came out, and compared to other fandoms it was like drinking from a firehose in terms of response

5. Do you respond to comments?

I TRY! I really love and appreciate all comments i receive (fine, most comments i receive, looking at you hate comments) but I tend to like responding to all comments on the final chapter best. there's still some i want to respond to because they point out details/make jokes that made me guffaw. i used to have the habit of responding to all the comments from the previous chapter when I posted the new chapter, which is something i might pick up doing again

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I LOVE writing surprise angsty endings, it's my form of crack. getting swarms of upset readers on the last chapter is therapeutic to me

i once wrote a fic that I based on calvin and hobbes, where Vader gets de-aged into an eight year old on the executor, the imperials assume he's a stowaway, the ghost of obi-wan has to frantically babysit him throughout various shenanakins until he realizes anakin being as destructive as possible on an imperial ship is actually a great thing, little anakin proceeds to go a merry and destructive ship tour, all is light and merry, and then the ending involves Anakin stumbling across Vader's quarters and then everything plummets into sad/mildly horrific territory - i had a ball

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

probably a bridgerton fic because it comes with the territory of the fantasy romance. i had a lot of fun writing one that was pure silliness about how dumb Colin was, and I'd say that one simply because of the tone

8. Do you get hate on fics?

occasionally, yes, but it's pretty rare. i can only ever remember deleting one, and I don't even remember what it was.

I do however, get some pretty backhanded compliment ones. i tend to give the benefit of the doubt one those and just take the compliment being shoved from behind

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

this is me when i get a comment slightly pg rated:

all this to say, I would never be comfortable enough to write smut 😭i wrote one - one - long form romance fanfic for anidala once, once, and it's been long hidden under the anon tag because even though i kept things fairly clean, the comments were of a sort where i was not comfortable

10. Do you write crossovers?

nope, and i doubt i ever will unless the stories happen to fit very well together (merlin and harry potter was the only crossover that really ever made sense to me)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

yes, but i was credited although not asked, so i'm not sure if it really counts

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yup, i've had a couple translated (one without permission lol, see above)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

YES, i wrote a fic with @cheesenames that is very dear to me, they are a favorite writing partner of mine because doing "and then they" star wars with them feels like this

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

vader and parenting

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

all of my bridgerton fics. every other WIP i'm stubbornly hanging onto, even if it's been years, but my bridgerton fics suffered from my catastrophic loss of interest in the storyline due to such a badly written season

16. What are your writing strengths?

i find it very easy to be very silly, so crack comes easily to me [sentences that only make sense in fandom context]

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

consistency - i read of terry pratchett and LM Montgomery and flannery o'connor and Chuck Close, who has this amazing quote:

Inspiration is for amateurs. The rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightening to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself.

basically, i wish i wrote on a regular schedule because so far literally every good author i've read whose talked about writing has said consistency is necessary

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i don't know another langauge, and when it comes to fictional languages i'm not a huge fan because my lack of linguistic skills results in sentences that sound like "Gleeble glork glork, glook?"

19. First fandom you wrote for?

star wars! shout out to clifford roommate for telling me I should, I would have literally never written fanfiction in my life if not for her

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

ao3 is down, which makes this an interesting challenge, because i have to remember what i've written. today i'm gonna say a ticklish business

tagging: @healerqueen; @cheesenames; @sparrowsarus; @mollywog

[gillianthecat]

I have Not been doing what I should have been doing this week, which is Not Great. BUT. I have been feeling the urge to watch BL again, so I been flittering around streaming services and binging some and dropping others. Here's the list of the 18, in the order I watched them, with brief thoughts on each. My rating (out of 10) are in [blue]. Feel free to ask me to say more about any of them!

Pit Babe (2 eps) [7]

Fun, enjoyed the tropiness of it, intrigued by Jeff/Alan, whatever secrets Charlie and Jeff are keeping, and that drifting competition which was hella sexy. I like my omegaverse fics "non traditional" so i appreciated that the first BL out there was alpha/alpha. I wasn't engaged enough to keep going, but would like eventually to pick it up again. One of the few shows I'm not filtering the tag for, so I'm enjoying other people's reactions and gifs.

My Personal Weatherman (finished) [8]

I wanted to love it more than I did, many aspects were wonderful, but the leads never felt like real characters to me, just seme/uke tropes fulfilling their roles. Actors very pretty though. I have a bunch of notes I may finish and post eventually.

Laws of Attraction (finished) [9]

10% of it was terrible, 10% was completely nonsensical (instagram live-ing your date while on the lam? really??), 10% was mediocre, 50% was good, and 20% was sublime. Film was phenomenal as the complicated lawyer with his thousands of smiles, and I now have a crush on him. I started watching a het lakorn for him afterwards (Lucky Star, free on Viki, very soap opera, he and his costar are great). I loved grandma and the batshit ex. I've already forgotten parts of the plot. Wish it could have been higher heat, the restrictions kinda fucked with Charn and Tinn's chemistry in the second half, after they got together, but Film made it work with his coy blushing maiden routine. And their chemistry pre-dating was fire. Second leads were cute and I do love me a pining bodyguard, but sadly the actors were kinda eh.

I Became the Main Role of a BL (1 ep) [9]

I am very excited about this, doing so many things well, balancing slapstick and humanity, all the little details are great. I like how the "real world" is still tropey and absurd but also noticibku more grounded than the "drama" world. I'm invested in the managers' stories. I have hopes for its sexiness, given how Aoyagi was touching Akufuji's arm in their rehearsal. Love love love Akufuji stanning.

Double Mints (finished) [5]

um. I didn't hate it. I didn't like it exactly, but there were some poignant moments. My first actually dark BL (I know Pornographer is classified as dark, but it didn't feel that way to me). Possibly there's some profundity in it, but it didn't grab me enough that I want to spend the time thinking about it. Also many plot things that didn't make sense to me. Perhaps just translation issues? Unlike the next on my list, this wasn't porn, it was a violent yakuza story. Not actually very explicit given that it's supposed to be high heat, with the significant exception of a rape scene.

The Shortest Distance is Round (Noir) (finished) [5]

I mean this is literally softcore porn with a weird dark plot around it. I think most of the actors are actual porn actors; I know the lead is. I could have thoughts on the story, but I feel like I'd need to know more about Japanese cinema to say anything meaningful. Just saying, the sexual harassment at the beginning is the tamest bit. Also a hilarious misdirect with the dead fish sleep kiss (at least for me who was going in blind). Some of the sex was hilarious (goat boy!) some of it was creepy and rapey, and some was genuinely hot.

Mr. Unlucky Has No Choice But to Kiss (3.5 eps) [7.5]

Fun and fluffy, like the premise, the seme character has charm, but soon lost interest in that level of slapstick and tropiness. May eventually finish.

Love Stage Japan 2018 (half an ep or so) [6]

Liked it more than the Thai version, which I saw a few episodes of. The set up makes more sense. Soon lost interest in that slapstick style. Wouldn't avoid it, but no current urge to return.

Utsukushii Kare 2 (My Beautiful Man 2) (finished) [9]

I love them so much! As the middle section, it didn't work as well on its own as season one (a hothouse masterpiece) or the movie (their blossoming), but it was an important bridge in their journey.

Utsukushii Kare Eternal (My Beautiful Man Eternal) (finished) [10]

So amazing. I wasn't sure that they could make a good ending of this story but they knocked it out of the park. Managed the tricky balancing act of having Hira and Koyoi grow up and learn to have a healthy relationship while still remaining their kinky weird selves. Echoed season one in so many beautiful and meaningful ways. I may eventually write more about it.

Long Time No See (movie) (finished) [7]

I didn't recognize the title so o started it without knowing anything about genre or plot. I wanted to like this much more than I did. Theoretically I am into all the elements. But somehow it didn't work for me. It felt hollow, or rather like the outline of a movie rather than the movie itself. Nothing really felt real to me. Perhaps just my mood, perhaps because I didn't recognize the name and so went in to it completely lost and confused. And the sex scenes all felt a little off, a little fake to me. Like the actors were kinda uncomfortable with it. It was very low budget for its concept, and I think needed to either be full kdrama length (maybe 8 full episodes) of get somehow even artier about it to be an atmospheric film. Which it should have been, and all indicators pointed to it, but somehow wasn't. I think I needed to know the characters better to care about. Which may or may not have required learning more about them; there are characters I've felt deeply that I knew very little about, but somehow not with these two. Also I couldn't get the sister's deal. It felt like she was hinting she knew the assassin secrets? But also not. Anyways, the leads were very pretty. And the shot of them stumbling out of the final fight was moving. I may write more later.

Dom (a Strongberry short) (dnf) [4]

Only 13 minutes long and I couldn't finish it, even with 1.5x speed in parts. Experimental little short about anthropomorphized condom boxes, and there's some sort of human plot about a virgin and his cheating boyfriend that I lost track of. It's not bad, just not what I was in the mood for.

Bake Me Please (like 10 minutes of ep 1) [5.5]

When I was talking about not being into cooking themed shows this is the kind of show I mean. It already had a bunch of tropes that are not for me, particularly random normal people treated like celebrities, and people on tumblr seem frustrated with it so it didn't feel worth pursuing.

Ossan's Love (2018 Japan) (2 of 7 eps) [8]

Seems very well constructed to be exactly what they wanted it to be. My enjoyment of that sort of slapstick and yelling style show depend on my mood, and I lost interest, but want to return eventually because it's a foundational show.

Love Mate (less than 1 ep) [7]

Some appealing elements, but got annoyed at the employee's negging and pushiness. I guess I'm too particular about realism, but in what company would it be acceptable to turn a meeting about their product into a psychoanalytical critique of why your boss can't love. Also I es confused by the bosses dating strategy. He just regularly meets up with men 1 time for awkward meals that he seems to hate and then doesn't even have sex with them? Or were we supposed to infer the sex was just censored out? Not the biggest deals but both together indicated that this show was going to play loose with logic in a way that would irritate me. And the seme was being a pushy ass.

Naked Dining (Zenra Meshi) (finished) [8.5]

Loved it overall, though had flaws. Loveblogged it so many thoughts in the tags.

My Ride (4 out of 10 eps) [7]

See today's liveblogging for my thoughts. I like many aspects, but lost interest after four eps. Didn't catch me up enough to want to binge it. I think I'm in an actor centric mode, and unfortunately none of the actors are that good in it.

Every Moment That I Think of You (finished) [8.5]

Randomly found on Gaga, 2 very short episodes from China 2021. Very appealing leads, censored, high school romance/intense friendship, partially through the pandemic. Fit a year's worth of story into 28 minutes. Surprisingly solid, though made me want to see the full length uncensored version of their love story, same actors. Ending confused me. Subtitles of voiceover implied that was their last night together but didn't say what happened, but nothing and was shown. Perhaps just a bad translation? Very low budget (sound mixing was amateur) but did a lot with what they had. Chaotic adolescent boy camera work and editing style, always moving, which fit story very well. Recommend if ok with censored stories.

[nocaptainonthisship]

twenty questions for fic writers

thanks for the tag @wyrd-syster and @bad-surprise!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

9, as of this moment, but 10 by the end of the week.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

Just over 85k which feels both low and absurdly high.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Actively, Rings of Power, though I've also got a Captain Swan one-shot, and dabbled briefly with Reylo.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

(Artanis) -- my beloved. In which Halbrand is an international superstar, and Galadriel is the girl who broke his heart.

To Make A Queen -- the beginning of it all. I wanted to write a one-shot to remove the haladriel brain rot. It became a two-shot. 11 months later, we're here.

it will come back -- my longest complete work to date. I am immeasurably fond of it, and desire never to read another word of it again.

once, i belonged to you(and twice i was free) -- the rapunzel inspired dead-dove. in which galadriel is a princess locked in a tower, and halbrand is her jailor.

A Kingdom They Became -- what started as my own personal breakdown about my chronic pain became possibly the work I am proudest of to date. I am still overwhelmed by the response to this fic.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Eh. I certainly try to. However, my brain does a thing, you see, where 24 hours after I post something to ao3, the door is closed and my brain considers that fic officially DONE. After that point, responding to comments is a much steeper uphill battle. That being said- I do read and savor every single one of them.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hands down, its It Will Come Back. I had *intended* to write a happy ending, but the closer I got to the end, the more I realized that a happy ending would not have been satisfying. I'm incredibly proud of the ending I wrote, but it definitely hits the angst pretty hard.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Dangerous Creatures -- silly little aussie farm-life fluff. (But its haladriel, so Gal still kills something.)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No. I have- up to this point, anyway- been incredibly lucky.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do, but what kind?? Still figuring that one out, so for now I'll say, "Whatever kind I can manage on any given day."

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I don't. I might in the future, but I do have a hard time taking crossovers seriously as a reader- I imagine that feeling would be far worse as a writer.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of, thank god.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but maybe one day!

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Cowritten- no. I am a beta on a fic (this is not a come-on* in any way shape or form by the lovely @ophidion) which is a process I've more than once compared to being a midwife helping someone bring new life into the world.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

All time fave seems like a great way to get me to change my mind tomorrow(no, I'm not commitment-phobic, you are!) so I'll just say I like pretty, bitey girls and bad men who want to change but don't know how. In any permutation.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Everything that is out there currently, I am confident I will finish. The things I've thus far kept to myself? Only time will tell.

16. What are your writing strengths?

This question feels like a personal attack. Yikes. I think- I hope- the way I write sweeps you up like a raging river, uses rhythm and verbiage to transport the reader entirely into a different world. I'm good at the mechanics behind making you *feel* something, of manipulating an emotion to transport you inside what a character is feeling.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Speed. They say you shouldn't care about your first draft, because you can always fix it later. Well, jokes on them, I NEVER fix it later, so I damn well better do a decent job on my first pass. This makes me slow, and makes the thesaurus app on my phone one of my top used.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I do not do this, other than perhaps a words here or there(and that word is almost always going to be a pet name I make no apologies.) I think it has it's time and place, but it can also pull you out of the story entirely.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Lost (Skate Lives, bby!) beginning wayyy back in the summer of 2005. I was 12, so I thank the gods every days that lost-forum is dead and I never cross posted to ffn. (I also wrote for twilight back in the day, but we don't talk about that.)

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

The A Kingdom, An Empire, A Home series has, I think, my most beautiful writing to date, and despite being incredibly difficult to write(or perhaps because of it) it is also the most satisfying. It is a complex exploration of pain, redemption, and the complicated feelings towards parenthood. If I traveled back in time to just a year ago and showed past!cap that prose, I don't know that she would believe herself capable of it. Turns out she is wrong, and there is only better to come.

tagging: @alicuntismswrites, @lisenberry, @pursuitseternal, @hazelmaines, @mostlydriedmango, @maironite

(I do not know who has already done this, sorry!)

(Also, if you've tagged me in one of these games at any point in the last couple months and I've ignored: I'm sorry, don't hate me. My brain has been a mess, and these sometimes seem intensely overwhelming.)

[button-mash]

What I played last week #10

Splatterhouse [Turbografx-16]

I very recently became really interested in buying a PC-Engine/Turbografx-16 (Japanese/Western name) as not only does it have a lot of fantastic games, but it's also a system that has an element of mystique as it never really caught on in the west - I'd genuinely never even heard of it until long after it had came and gone, so it's always been a bit of a blindspot. It's curious because it sat somewhere between the 8-bit and 16bit systems (it was actually marketed as the first 16 bit console, but really it had an 8-bit CPU with a 16-bit GPU, which gives a lot of the games a very distinctive graphical look compared to it's peers. Anyway I almost bought one for an amazing deal (although still very expensive) and decided not to at the very last moment, because I realised it was probably pretty silly to spend more than 250 quid on a system who's games I wasn't even all that familiar with and I had zero nostalgia for. Once I accepted that this was probably a dumdum idea, I decided to actually play some games for the system to get a good feel for what it's about. 

I'd always understood the Turbografx-16 version of Splatterhouse to be the best home version of the arcade game, but I didn't actually realise that the very first game never actually came out on the Mega-Drive at all, and in terms of home versions, it only actually came out on PC, Turbografx-16 and FM Towns Marty. It's one of those weird games where it somehow feels so ubiquitous and familiar, but when I really think about it, I don't think I've really ever properly sat down and played any of them for more than a quick couple of goes before bouncing off and doing something else.

Having now played through it, I actually think it's a pretty good game, if not a little basic - I remember 2 and 3 being a little more complex in their game design but this just a simple left to right brawler, although some stages do have sections where you can fall down into different areas you need to get out of, etc. Most surprising about this game is I actually thought it was pretty well balanced - its still pretty difficult, but when you die you start back at the section you were on and it's pretty generous with health and lives, so you get a decent chance at properly learning each section, although you only get 5 continues which go pretty quick. It's one of those games where the first time you play you've burned through all of your continues by the 3rd level boss, but after a few goes, you're suddenly getting back to the same section having not lost a single life. It definitely has it's frustrating moments, but its just one of those games that requires a bit of patience and experimentation to figure out your way through each level. There were a few bosses where I couldn't even figure out how you can possibly hit them without taking damage, and then you'll suddenly figure out a spot to stand that'll bair a certain attack out of them, or where you're harder to hit, etc. It's quite satisfying because it really gives that feeling of getting better and more familiar if you put the time in. There are 7 stages and I think at first I was getting to level 3 or 4 and having to start again, and when I finished it, I think I'd only actually used one continue. I imagine the Arcade version tries a lot harder to take your money, but I actually think the home version is pretty feasible to 1 credit clear if you practiced enough and got familiar with the patterns etc

I'm definitely tempted to play the others now - the first game is pretty basic, but you can still see the hallmarks of what some people love so much about the series - the weapons are really satisfying to use, and the enemy and death animations are really well done and have a lot of detail and personality to them, I can definitely see why that era of Nintendo were too shook to have a game like this on the system. The Turbografx version actually has a fake parental warning

Pretty good

Bonk's Revenge [Turbografx-16]

My apparent odyssey into checking out the Turbografx-16 library continues - kinda amusingly ironic in a way that I didn't buy one because I didn't want to risk spending a lot of money on some tech I might not use, and my solution has been to emulate the TG-16 on the Steam Deck, which until this point was a very expensive piece of tech I had literally not used at all since the week I got it last year...

The Bonk series was one of those games that I'd always seen around but never actually played - it wasn't until playing this and reading about them that although some of the games appeared on PC/NES/etc, the Bonk Series was originally created specifically for the Turbografx-16 and was their attempt at having a mascot franchise akin to Mario or Sonic. Obviously the system as a whole never really caught on in the west like they'd hoped, but I actually think they were pretty successful in making a mascot platformer. I'm not sure why I started with 2 (there are 3 mainline games as far as I am aware), but by all accounts this seems to be the best one, so no regrets really.

This was a game I really came to appreciate the more I played it - the stages and enemies have a lot of personality (as does Bonk himself) and it's a really nice looking platformer. You can hurt most enemies by 'Bonking' them with your head, either by doing a jump from underneath, a standing headbut with a very short range, or a diving midair attack you can also use to propel yourself higher into the air. You can also do more situations things like a wall-jump, as well as find power-ups, although these are mostly neglisible - they're more akin to something like Sonic where it's a temporary power boost that gives you an advantage, rather than something like Mario where it might be something that changes up how you fundamentally approach the level.

When I first played through the game I found it became quite difficult quite quickly and burned through my continues, but on the second time around I realised the game actually wants you to explore and use all your platforming abilities to reach and find hidden areas where you will gain items to win more health, bonus levels (some of which are genuinely very fun), and extra lives, which make the pathway ahead much easier. It made me realise that blitzing along the first time through I'd overlooked a few layers of complexity to the mechanics and level design I'd missed, and I came to really appreciate the game for trying to keep things so varied. It's actually a pretty long game too - at the start you can choose Beginner, Intermediate or Expert which I think essentially just chooses how many stages you complete rather than inherently adding any difficulty, but the 'Expert' full game had 8 worlds witch each one having 4 or 5 stages it seemed. Id argue that if anything it maybe begins to outstay it's welcome a little bit, but when looking at the individual stages all of them are pretty strong and it does a fairly good job of trying to change up what you're doing from level to level, whether that's focusing on a particular platform mechanic, making it more enemy focused, etc. It's not too hard of a game, but it definitely demands that you get to grips with most of it's moveset by the end

One gripe I had was that about halfway through I seemed to encounter a lot of bosses where I just couldn't figure out how to hurt them without taking damage myself, and essentially winning through a war of attrition and burning a few lives - it was a shame because what felt like pretty tight, consistent and fair platforming suddenly felt a bit clumsy and janky. I am actually fairly sure this was maybe an issue with the emulation as it wasn't something I noticed once the first time I played the game, and watching videos of one of the bosses I was struggling with, nobody seemed to have this issue despite doing the exact same thing as me, so I suspect maybe there is some weird issue with an emulator gamespeed causing some collission fuckery or something. Willing to give the game the benefit of the doubt because it seemed so jarring compared to the other 95% of the time with the game. I'd say the music is pretty forgettable too, which is a shame because I think it had so much personality that a killer soundtrack would have really sent this one over the edge. 

This felt like a proper treat getting to discover a top tier platformer I'd literally never tried before, but I think genuinely holds its own against other stuff on the big platforms. It looks great, it's super colourful and fun, the bosses are really imaginative and it has decent difficulty curve with a lot of variance in the levels and lots of secrets to find and explore. Most of all it just has a lot of personality, with some fun animation and sprite-work. Bonk himself seems to have so many different sprites and animations - actually way more than something like Sonic or Mario have, which gives him loads of personalith and it really adds to the game a lot. I said earlier I thought they were really successful in making a Mascot Platfomer and the animation and personality he has is exactly why. I've no idea if 1 and 3 are on the same level as this (or even the same style of platformer), but I'll definitely check them out now.

Castlevania: Rondo of Blood [Turbografx-CD] I did also play some probably the most famous game on the Turbografx-CD. Again I thought it was really impressive but I really didn't play loads to form some huge opinion beyond I can totally see why it's so beloved - it straddles that line between the original Castlevainia games and what it became with Sympthony of the Night, and some of the graphical flourises it has look amazing, particularly the parrallax backgrounds.

I had a little go on a few more Turbografx-16 games also - namely both Alien Crush and Devil's Crush, which are some very beloved pinball games for the system, as well as Blazing Lazers, another Turbografx staple - although to be honest I didn't really play any of them for long enough to have much to say about them. I'd been really impressed with the TG-16 so far to be honest - annoyingly so, since I regret not pulling the trigger even more now. Ideally next time I jump onto the system the next lot of games are dogshit

[pantherazuredevil]

Japan Trip 2023 - Day 5 (Fushimi Inari Taisha) Part 1

I ended up not sleeping well throughout the night and got up with my alarm feeling tired, partially because of the hotel environment. I didn't really like how many gaijin were there making noise throughout the night. I went down at slightly before 8 for breakfast as the sign said that the congestion times were most likely 7-8 AM.

That ended up being the first big mistake of the day. There was a large crowd, though I suppose being able to find a seat did mean it wasn't fully congested. It was a Western-style buffet breakfast and didn't really taste that good either, except for the milk and minestrone soup. I didn't bother with pictures, and rushed to finish as soon as possible so I could get out of there to rest a bit before heading out at about 9:15 AM.

I reached Fushimi Inari Taisha (hereafter referred to Mt. Inari for reasons that will become apparent) by about 9:40 AM latest, and began to see where to go and what to do. One of the main highlights would be tossing the coin into the prayer box before making a prayer, but by the time I found it there were not only a lot of people there, but once again I had run out of ￥100 coins, so I decided to return later once I had bought stuff off the tourist traps uphill and obtained some change.

There were huge crowds my gawd, both of the international kind and the school trip kind. I suppose the timing was just bad since it was still spring and the time when schools around Japan made their trips to Kyoto. If I had come during the sakura season (it was almost over when I got there) or Golden Week (it was the week after I left Japan) it'd be unimaginably worse. I started climbing amidst the sea of humans, trying not to bump into people and hoping for a way out of the masses. I actually took 3 short videos of the squeeze but decided to just save 1, and you can view it here.

Now here was where I made my 2nd big mistake of the day. I saw the torii gates heading downward at one point and got confused. I thought they were supposed to keep going up to a fork in the road where I could then take another path upwards to the mountain peak. There was, however, a very small side path of gravel that seemed to go upward branching off from the main route, and a gaijin made his way up the path, with a sign that said there was some shrine there too, so I decided, why not? Maybe this was the correct way, since it looked to me at the time that it was the only way up. The picture on the right above is a picture of the small shrine that was further down the path when you follow it.

Climbing on the path at first seemed like a really good decision. The number of people immediately dropped drastically to almost none, and here's a video I took of the initial part of the path showing its lack of popularity. There were no torii gates here, only small shrines, and I suppose that should have been a red flag in and of itself. I liked the scenery though as well as the lack of people, and I don't think I've climbed a mountain (or anything that could even be remotely called a proper hill) for decades, so I was enjoying the trek honestly.

The above pictures show part of the path after I left the small shrine, the number of people eventually dwindled to nothing, leaving me alone on what I could only call a mountain trail, though it wasn't anything dangerous or difficult. Here's a short video of some part I passed showing what I guessed to be bamboo at around 10 AM.

It was truly like a mountain trail though, with slippery muddy slopes and steep stairs, which accounted for the lack of people around. That did however make it better for me, the serenity of it all was calming after the huge crowds, but by now I knew it was truly not the main path.

I reached a midway point of sorts I suppose, where I actually saw cats! There were some buildings that people obviously lived in, and some cars. There was an old man and I asked him politely about the way up to the mountain top, and he pointed me in the right direction, saying it was about another 20 more minutes of climbing.

I persisted onward despite the revelation that I was not on the main path and came onto a rather steep and dangerous flight of stairs, where one wrong step would definitely end up in an injury in a part of the mountain no one was in, so I was very careful here. Even so, I made good progress in terms of time, but I had to rest a few times because it was such a steep climb and I was truly huffing hard by the end of it.

These two pictures are of the same flight of stairs that I had to climb while panting really hard in the process. I paused in the middle to take a picture of the way I had come and the way I still had to climb. The pictures don't show the winding steep stairs that I had already taken up to this point, and the continuing climb upwards.

The guy had said 20 minutes, but when I finally reached what I could only guess was the side entry to one of the main paths going up to the top, I was like, "No man, 20 minutes is for you folks accustomed to the climb, damn that was really tough for me." I believe I took about 25 minutes but I couldn't be sure at the time.

The main path of course took me to the top, but wow what a climb. It was definitely quite the experience for sure, and I was messaging my friends throughout wondering where it had all gone wrong, but hey I got to experience a different side of Mt. Inari, and quite frankly it wasn't half as bad as I would have people imagine it was at the time. At least I skipped the crowds. Here's a video I took around 10:39 AM after exiting the side path. I reached the peak not long after this video.

A map drawn on the whiteboard at the peak showing the actual main routes, two of them, forming a loop you were supposed to go counter-clockwise or clockwise in. I didn't follow either route on the way up or down.

I rested for a while at the top and had a look around. There was a shrine up there but I ended up not praying at it. I did pay respects with a bow at a lot of mini shrines on the way up, there were tons of them off the beaten path. I didn't take pictures as it would be disrespectful, and most of them were of the same types of statues anyway.

I believe this was where I exited the side path onto the main path at last. It was a treacherous trek indeed, but I did take it as a good experience for the future. I was careful throughout not to make a slip since it did mean I would have no one coming to assist me should something happen.

I started descending and 10 minutes later came upon a shop that was selling some matcha ice-cream wafer. It was nice to have a cold snack after the harsh climb I undertook, and once again I sat here a short while enjoying the wafer and taking a break. Here's a video I took as I started my descent around 10:50 AM.

It was also here that I asked the shopkeeper about the routes, and he brought out a map showing that there were only 2, meaning I had truly taken a side path. I believe the side path was only for mountain hikers or locals, and therefore was unused most of the time. That meant I had strayed off the main path, which was already obvious anyway, GFDI. I thanked him for the info and continued my descent.

Continued in Part 2

[eisheartoffantasy]

Entry #13. The Unreachable Realm of Books

I've never, and I mean never, enjoyed reading. What's there to enjoy? There are just blocks of text printed on pieces of paper, and I have to concentrate hard to get the words into my head, which is always a pain. Any time I got asked to read something, be it an article, a book, an instruction sheet even, I'd instantly feel my heart drop. I hate reading.

Why do I? I've been asking myself ever since I realized how much other people seem to like reading despite its tediousness — or do they not feel what I feel when reading? — and to this day I only have one possible answer.

It must be the fact that reading is always presented to me as a task, rather than entertainment.

Read three chapters for homework. Memorize these paragraphs. Finish a book this week and write an essay about it. Keep a tracker to record the amount of time you spent reading each day. Enjoy the reading.

Enjoy the reading because I'm told to? Hell fucking no. What were the adults thinking?

It's been like this since I was a kid. Good children spend a lot of time reading, they said. My peers would read for hours a day, they said. It's not normal to like cartoons more than books, they emphasized. You get points taken off if you don't read, they made a rule of that sort.

Points? What points? Who the fuck came up with that even?

Now I know, but my childhood self didn't. I was scared, so terribly scared that I would be deemed an abnormal kid, an undesirable daughter, an incompetent student. So I tried my very hardest to gain those ridiculous "points" that the adults were counting for me. Read for 20 minutes today? +5 points. Finished a book? +10 points. Memorized a textbook chapter? +7 points.

But even with all my efforts put into reading as much as I could, I was no rival of other children who naturally enjoyed reading. When I felt like I was dying from just 20 minutes of daily reading, those kids were easily reading for 3-4 hours per day, finishing ten times as many books as I was.

"Learn from your classmates, will you? You don't want to grow into a useless adult, right, Ei?" I heard things along those lines quite frequently. All because I didn't enjoy reading. Sure enough, I did grow into a useless adult...but is this really because I read less than average as a kid?

Here's a confession: I do want to read more. I want to read! I want to read so much that I become someone qualified for the title "knowledgeable scholar"...or something like that. I want to know what everyone else knows and more. I...I still want to be seen as a worthy, competent, admirable person, instead of a stupid and clueless good-for-nothing.

But the moment I opened up a book today and saw the large block of text, I wanted to cry. I wanted to rip that book to shreds and burn it with fire. It's not the book's fault, I know, but I wanted to take my overwhelming emotions out on something...

I can't find joy in reading, or even the idea of reading. I really want to, but as of now I can't. Will this change someday? By then, will it be too late? Please, please please please let me find it soon. I want to be able to enjoy something that should be good for me. Not have it forced down my throat like bitter medicine.

With warmth and hopefulness,

Ei

[corvus-rex-a-b-o]

My brain's been scattered lately and I keep coming back to Omega Keith. And I've been rewatching VLD with someone who quit after the beginning of s.3 just bc they hate Lotor so much. We're up to halfway through s.6 now. They want to see all of it even though they know what happens. But then it got me thinking sideways, like I do, and started writing again even though I'm working my way through my selections for Julance. Day 15 is late, but I'm still working on it! Anyway, here's part of what my weird brain space came up with (set during the Quantum Abyss adventure, although it's a little different and takes far less time).

“I have to admit, I was a little surprised when you were born an Omega,” Krolia said one night. There had been another fluctuation in space-time, and Krolia had to watch as Keith suffered through his first heat relatively alone at the Garrison.

“Are there not many Galra male Omegas?” he asked.

“No, there are, I just had a feeling that you were an Alpha before you were born. But then your father told me you were an Omega. It just wasn’t what I was expecting. Galra Omegas are held in fairly high regard for the sheer tenacity shown when protecting their kits. That feeling can extend to those under their command, and Omega mothers are often put in charge of crews. When’s your next heat?”

Keith sighed, poking the fire. “Soon. It’s going to be bad. It’s the first one I’ve had away from Lance in a long time. It won’t be long. Felt off when I woke up this morning.”

Krolia moved from her spot, sitting beside her son. “Off how?” she asked, her tone concerned.

Keith was confused. He was 19 and been dealing with heats for the last 7 years. It wasn’t like he didn’t know what to expect. He knew what heats without an Alpha were like. Knew what heats without his Alpha were like. His biggest concerns at that moment were building a nest and the embarrassment of having to go through it in front of the mother he hadn’t seen since he was an infant pup.

“Just off. I know my heat’s coming. I was thinking of holing up inside the ship. I think I’ll feel better there.”

“Good idea. The environmental seal will keep the predators from picking up your scent. It is a bit different. You smell sweeter. Well, you should get some sleep. I know how bad a heat alone is.”

Keith yawned, as if on cue, sliding down to curl around the teleporting wolf pup he’d rescued. He fell asleep quickly and slept soundly through the night until sometime early in the morning. Krolia was still sleeping when he lurched out of their small campsite, barely making it beyond its borders before retching. The sound of him vomiting woke Krolia, and she was beside him in seconds. He’d finished by then, and she found him on the ground, leaning against the large rock that served as a perimeter marker. Keith rolled his head to look at his mother, an innate understanding in the worried crease between his dark brows.

“I don’t think my heat’s coming,” he said softly.

The last time he’d seen Lance was only just before he’d been sent on the mission to retrieve his mother. Kolivan had given him the time he needed for his heat, sending him back to the castle to spend it with his Alpha. He’d put more effort than even he usually did into his nest, and he wasn’t one to half-ass his nests, and they had made very good use of it for the week he was there. He still had one of Lance’s t-shirts in the backpack he’d managed to keep with him on the mission, and he needed its comfort now more than ever. Without another word, he got up and headed for their crashed ship, locking himself inside with his Alpha’s scent.

Krolia knocked, but didn’t try to force her way inside. “Keith? We need to talk about this. Especially if you're saying what it sounds like.”

Keith didn’t move from the corner he’d curled himself into, surrounded as much as possible by Lance’s scent. He knew as soon as he said it that he was right. His heat wasn’t coming, and besides being with a mother he barely knew, he was alone. It hurt to think about, especially knowing that there was no way to tell how long they would be on that abyssal whale. Whether he made it off and back to the castle in time or not, it was a very long discussion he was going to have to have with his Alpha. Lance would want to go through with formal mating, and at that point, Keith couldn’t bring himself to argue with the idea.

“What’s there to talk about? Except for you, I’m alone out here, we have no idea how long it’s going to take to get to that planet, and I – fuck – I’m pregnant. I’m pregnant, and I have no way of telling my Alpha. I’m carrying his pup and he has no idea. What the fuck am I even supposed to say to him when we do get back? And when we do, will I still be pregnant or are we going to show up back at the castle with this pup in my arms? I don’t even know if I can fucking carry it to term with where we are. And I just – I want to be alone right now.”

Outside, Krolia pressed a hand to the locked airlock, wanting to be able to comfort her son. But she knew that he’d been through a lot very quickly and needed time to process it all. “Ok. I’ll be here when you’re up to talking. Take all the time you need.”

She swore she heard a faint sniffle when he answered. “Ok. Thanks…Mom.”

He spent the rest of the day dozing on and off, the temporal flares showing him various things from his own past. He couldn’t be sure if he was awake or dreaming when he saw pieces of possible futures. In one, he was flying back to the castle with his mother, the wolf puppy, and a tiny three-quarters human pup tucked into his chest. In another, he felt the presence of others but couldn’t see them, but was on his way back there as well, and still pregnant. Both felt real, and both felt possible. It was jarring to say the least, but he felt it confirmed what he already knew.

As the weeks went on, he tracked the progress of his pregnancy, from keeping an eye on how long he woke up vomiting every morning to watching the changes in his body. Krolia’s chronometer measured in galactic movements, and it had been nearly twelve when he looked out at the ever-changing sky and caught sight of the planet they had been aiming for. By that point, judging from the rough calculations to Earth time he made, he was nearing 18 weeks into his pregnancy and it was impossible to hide. Hopefully, they would be able to find the source of the concentrated quintessence and make it back to the Castle of Lions relatively soon.

They had been able to repair their crashed ship to working order, or, really, Krolia had as she wouldn’t allow Keith to do any of the physical work, making him stay in the cockpit to run systems tests and diagnostics. He hadn’t argued with her orders to stay put. He had realized quickly after coming to the conclusion that he was pregnant that, despite the ongoing war, he wanted his pup. His Omega instincts flared to life, making him very protective of the child he carried. It was one of the things that brought him closer to the mother he never knew. Both his unexpected pregnancy and the temporal flares showing him the past helped him to understand her better and why she had done what she had. It helped him to forgive her for being gone all those years, making him realize that he would do the same thing for his own pup.

~*~*~*~

Intro-ish | Pt 1 | Pt 2

[serenityseventeen]

Love & Letter: To The Thirteen Boys I've Loved Before

The Thirteenth Letter

----------------

To: Lee Chan

From: Y/N

How are you, Chan?

I feel like I've seen this kind of storyline before. A summer romance that ends with you ghosting me.

I've been looking for work as I've told you before summer ended. I wonder what you are doing now. Now that the summer dance club where we met is closing, I can't see you anymore. You don't answer my calls either which leaves me to assume that you and I weren't dating seriously.

Gosh, I should have seen the red flags when you and I seemed to progress too fast into our relationship; but I just ignored them because you had me flipped out, falling for you head over heels. The way you spoke to me, smiled at me, gazed at me, the way you acted around me, I was convinced that you were just confidently liking me.

To begin this strange love story, should I start from the beginning, Chan?

Well, I graduated from grad school with my degree. I noticed that I was gaining a bit of weight so to try and burn it off, I joined this summer dance club. You were one of the members and immediately, when I spotted you practicing in front of the people, with confidence, your moves swift, I was amazed. I didn't expect that someone like you would fall for me.

Chan, you look like a genuine, passionate dancer. You told me that you've been dancing all your life and from that first impression, I was able to tell that.

When I joined the dancing club, I had not danced in a while. Yet, you taught me with so much care. I didn't ask for your help but you approached me first whenever I was struggling to learn a choreography. You taught me head-on and took the lead.

Your leadership skills are also amazing, Chan.

Before we both knew it, we were learning and practicing for long hours in the summer, sweat trickling down the sides of our heads to the point where our hair was wet. Your hair was wet from sweat a lot of the time but to me, you looked extremely masculine and handsome that way. We practiced so much that it was nighttime by the time both of us decided to call it a day. We were usually the only ones left.

Before we started dating, you would always give me water and wipe my sweat for me. It hadn't even been two weeks of getting to know each other when we had our first kiss in the practice room.

You and I were exhausted and leaning against the wall, sipping water.

“This is fun,” I commented.

I know you probably don't know, but I noticed you staring at my lips. I just didn't want to say it out loud in fear of ruining the nice atmosphere. The air conditioner was blasting cool air and since I was feeling so sticky, I just closed my eyes and let the floating cool air brush over my skin.

I don't know what you were doing but I'll guess that you were staring at my lips; because that's when I felt a pair of soft lips press onto mine. I was flustered at first, having your arm block all my possible exits, leaving me in your enclosed space. Our lips locked for a few seconds before I pulled you in closer, deepening the kiss. I placed my hands on your jaw, caressing you gently as your kisses became more passionate. It just felt like the right thing to do as my heart burned with fluttering butterflies.

Since it was summer, we both had quite a lot of time on our hands, but from time to time, I had to study too. I'm planning to start training in my line of work soon.

Well, we were able to hang out around each other a lot. I, believing you liked me, treated you like my boyfriend. You treated me like your significant other. We were dating. You behaved so sweetly around me, showering me with soft kisses on my cheek, surprise dates. Spending time with you was fun and wild.

When people left the practice room, we would linger with the practice being our excuse, but then I would be sitting down on your thighs, facing you, my arms wrapped around your shoulders and your hands holding my hips. We would be kissing, making out, cuddling.

I enjoyed every second of it. I was falling for you fast, I was falling for you hard.

What about you?

How did you feel about me?

Sometimes, I would find it strange how easily you told me that you liked me, and every time, it sounded genuine. Whenever you're walking me home on a hot summer night, you always tell me that you like or love me before you leave. I would say the same back to you.

I don't think you're a fuckboy or something like that. You seem way too innocent for that. To me, you seemed like a mischievous boy that was also a masculine man.

At the same time though, what we had seemed to be mainly physical.

No, sorry. I shouldn't be thinking of it that way.

You and I spent a lot of time together and with you, I was very happy. I was able to forget about anything hard and just have fun, in the moment, with you. Whether it was me straddling you on the couch, us sleeping together, waking up together, cooking together, I was happy through it all. We had fun and refreshing summer dates at the beach playing in the water, splashing waves at each other before you pull me in and give me a passionate kiss with the golden summer sunset in the back.

But now, I start to realize everything; from the incredibly fast pace of our relationship and the way we found joy in our physical desires. Now, I realize it.

In the end, I barely know who you are, Chan. You never really talked about yourself. You told me a few things, like how you had a younger brother, how you wanted to become an idol, how you dreamed of performing on stage, but during those summer months we spent together and dated, we were still learning about each other. You were learning about me and I was learning about you.

Yet, the way you treated me and made me feel special makes me sure that I do love you. I probably love you more than you love me but, of course, I can never know that.

I can't reach you now and it seems as if your number was fake all along. I don't see you in the places we used to hang out. When I asked the dance club members, it seemed like they knew more than I did about my boyfriend, but every answer was different.

Some told me that you auditioned for a company and got accepted.

Some told me that you were already a trainee.

Some told me that your family was planning to move.

Some told me that you were continuing your life as usual but didn't specify any details.

I don't know what to believe. If you are an idol trainee then, well, good for you. I guess I was just something to fulfill your desires that had been kept inside for a long time. If you got accepted, well, good for you again. I hope you debut since it's always been your dream.

If you're purposely ignoring me, I don't know why you would, but as you can see, I have a few theories. If you didn't love me back, you could have just told me that you wanted a summer fling instead of a summer romance and relationship because then, I would have rejected you firmly.

Were our memories nothing to you?

We never properly broke up either, why is it that you're suddenly ignoring me? Where did you go off to? Are you ghosting me? Why did you suddenly disappear like that? Did you never love me? Was our relationship nothing?

I have so many questions, why won't you answer them?

I'm afraid that the person I loved wasn't the person I loved at all. I hope that you didn't lie to me.

If we ever meet again, what would you say? What would you say to my sincerity? What would you do?

I hope that you can remember these memories just as much as I will. I hate thinking that I was just an escape for you, a goat that you used to fulfill your desires. If you really are who I know, then I won't have any doubts that you would remember everything.

Chan, you seem like a pure guy. You never really lied to me. You would always play around with me, making me feel like a youngster in love. Just looking at your face, I could see the purity and curiosity you have within yourself.

Up until now, I will believe that you gave me all of you. I will continue to believe that you encountered something unfortunate or fortunate and now, we can't meet nor contact each other. I will continue to believe everything positive because I loved you.

I won't wait for you though, Chan.

I remember this one thing you told me, do you remember it too?

Now that I think about it, it seems like you asked that on purpose, perhaps foreshadowing your future disappearance.

We were leaning against a fence, watching the orange and purple ombre sunset and its reflection on the rippling waves of the ocean.

You had your arms warmly wrapped around my waist, your head buried in the crook of my neck, when you asked with a muffled voice, “If you had to wait for someone who was indefinitely coming back, what would you do?”

You kissed my neck softly with your gentle lips, tightening your hands. I felt my heart thump out of my chest.

“Hmm... I don't think I would wait.”

You seemed to be a bit surprised by my answer. I didn't think of this question as anything special then, just pure curiosity.

“Why not?” You asked, planting another kiss on my neck afterward.

“They are leaving and it's indefinite when they would come back. I wouldn't wait for them, when they come back, they just do. I shouldn't worry myself with waiting.”

You nodded gently and then brought your hand to my chin, kissing me again.

I'll do exactly as I said.

I won't wait for you. I loved you and since your comeback is indefinite, I'll also write this. I can't tell you it in person, so I can't get your answer, but I will consider it this way, even if you do appear in my life again.

My last words to you, who I can't reach.

I hope you're doing fine.

I'm breaking up with you.

Yours truly,

Y/N.

-----------------

© serenityseventeen

7/14/21 - 10:19 am

a/n: GoSe today!!! I'm excited, I'll watch the episode when I eat! + I've finished this series, hooray! I'm sure one day, when I'm a better writer, I'll come back and possibly revise this. Thank you to everyone who read this series!

[savrenim]

hi hi hi. so I just got into the Hamilton fandom, I swear I am four years late where did everybody go, and, well. I am apparently a hamburr shipper. bcs that is my life now. anyway I saw your fic ifmlam and I swear it is my favourite of all the fics I've ever read (and trust me I've read literally thousands). I love it so so much, how do you write fics like that??? I cried about four times during the whole thing, I stayed up till 4am reading it even when I had to wake up at 7 because it is just. that. good. I could not stop thinking about it for days afterwards and ifmlam has just ruined me. I can't think of listen to Hamilton without thinking of ifmlam anymore.

on to my qursttion: is it abandoned? of course it's perfectly FINE if it is. don't let anyone tell u differently, your fic is YOURS and u are amazing.

but pls I really need closure from ur fic, it has been haunting me if its abandoned or ongoing and I've read ur other fics and they are just chefskiss and thank you so much for writing them all. thank you thank you thank you, I will never be able to thank you enough for writing this fic and for everything it's done for me. I am probably thousands of miles away but I am sending you virtual jugs through a co.puter screen right now.

(don't feel pressured to reply to this or update it flam, I know how overwhelming it can get with so many messages and after a while u get desensitized to it. u can literally reply "thx. itfmlam is abandoned" and I would still be amazingly star struck. anyway has gotten way too long and I need to sleep and I'm sorry u probably won't see this so I'm just talking to myself right now but bye!!)

and thank you so so much for writing itfmlam.

aaaah hello anon!

thank you so so much???? I am so??? honored??? that ifmlam rates so highly to you, and also that you've read my other fics??????

the answer to the "is ifmlam abandoned" question is probably the worst possible one, which is pretty much "I do want to finish it, both for the folks that still want closure as well as it bothers to me have abandoned projects that are in the public eye/ already partially published, but also, it is last on my current writing projects list"

my current actually active writing projects list, kind of in order of priority, is

I'm literally three chapters away from being Actually Fully Done with the not-quite-first-not-quite-second let's call it 1.5th draft of an actual?? full?? original?? novel?? Opus which of course then goes out to beta readers and then gets who-knows-how-much edited and then maybe beta readers again if a lot does change and then a copyeditor my mom, my copyeditor is my mom, and maybe my little brother he's one of the betas but is very good at catching typos and then I!!! get to publish it!!!! which is the single thing I am most excited for!!!!!!!!! this should be closed up in the next week or two, and then take a while for people to actually read the draft and get back to me.

I really desperately want to finish my open-but-like-90%-written fic, which means we raise it up, the final chapter of to the bottom of the river bc I realized that it was kind of incomplete, and the second chapter of a buried and a burning flame because any more work there will need to wait until the author publishes the next book in the series. this should be closed up in the next month or two.

Speedwrite the draft of the second book of the Opus series so that hopefully by the time book 1 edits are happening, I have an almost complete draft of the second book. this is mostly me side-eyeing myself about taking nearly four years to write the first book, but that is solidly in part because I had so many other open projects which point 2 is about clearing that docket. this should be done in the next year.

And then just have my major projects be, at least until books 1-5 are written and published, books 1-5 of that because that is arguably the first major 'plot arc' of the series, so if I'm looking for a pause point on writing, that's probably where to stop.

There are two or three other short side projects (a weird fun second person short story tentatively titled witch-queen, a collection of four short stories Memoirs about a not-so-evil necromancer and the shenanigans he gets up to trying to rule a kingdom, working title Perfectly Normal Recipe Blog which is a collaborative project about a perfectly normal recipe blog that definitely doesn't include anything out of the normal) that will happen when they happen

There are other projects that are on the backburner -- The Numanok Files, a series of probably 12-15 short novellas about a mercenary/ bounty hunter esque person in space whose specialty is dealing with hauntings, but, like, 80% of their jobs is actually "you are effectively a space home inspector pointing out faulty wiring reacting to solar flares/ there's a weird alien fungus/ it's carbon monoxide okay change your atmosphere filters" and 20% of it is punching ghosts; there's a post-post apocalypse novel that I want to write that I know characters and general pacing and half the setting but need to work out the other half and figure out how much aesthetic I want to commit to; there's Strangeside7 aka spacerace book that is my reaction to how much I love how Redline the anime movie commits itself to "no we are about a race, like 60% of the screentime is just fully going to be an utterly ridiculous sci fi space race"; there's even a ridiculous YA trilogy that I would have to completely transplant the setting but might end up writing because the interplay between angel-physics and physics-physics was one of my favorite things in the world. and I guess the weird ridiculous technically a sequel series to ifmlam that was going to be published as original books that was basically me having fun with 'okay I fucking love star wars prequels old rotting space bureaucracy galactic republic style' except with seers and that also still might happen because it does have some of the coolest sci fi concepts and honestly I thiiiink that's all?

but the tl;dr of that timeline is I'm trying to finish a punch of projects Right Now, so that I can write books 2-5 of Opus, and then when I'm done that (which honestly, my average fiction-writing output is close to 100k a year. if I'm concentrating purely on one project, and writing books that are about 100k, we are talking four years. although my job situation is super up in the air in that period and writing might get put solidly on the backburner as I try to make it in academia, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) I will re-evaluate which projects go next, and that's when ifmlam is likely to come up for review.

I do not have any expectations that I will make it as an original author. I'm planning on posting all of my stuff online for free, but, like. it is incredibly difficult to convince people to try out even a piece of free and easily accessibly original work even if one has a huge following, I am a very small fanfiction author, and from what I can tell the majority of the people who are interested in my work are mostly interested in me finishing ifmlam. writing is a hobby for me, and while I'm writing mostly for me--and hence the for me bit at least for the next five years is pretty solidly going to be this series that I am deeply excited about and have sunk my heart and soul into every single aspect of--I'm human, and I don't really like shouting into the void, and I expect if I spend five years publishing to absolutely no response I will either stop writing for a while and do other things gods know my life is busy enough, return to fandom in general to write some other fanfic about whatever I get deeply into, or return to a work that I actually get response to. so ifmlam will probably start getting worked on a bit at that point one way or another. unless, of course, we are in the incredibly rare timeline in which I do make it as an original author, there are people who are deeply hyped for my original works and an actual demand for them, in which case as you may have noticed there are enough ideas there to keep me busy for a decade or two, and they will just get my full attention instead of fanfiction*. in this timeline, I will do what I was considering doing a few years ago, which is officially declare ifmlam otherwise abandoned and make one more giant chapter update which is a full and cleaned up outline of what I was going to write, interspersed with the scenes already written, and have ifmlam be given at least that closure.

*I want to make it clear that I very much love fanfiction and am proud to have been a fanfiction author and in my heart of hearts would keep writing it forever, I just also have a lot of ideas for characters and settings and magic systems and Aesthetics and I have been biting at the bit to write something that is //mine// and all mine and only mine for a while, I don't see original work as superior so much as there are a dozen fandoms that I am currently in and bursting to make content about except oops these fandoms currently only exist in my head, and I want to correct that

of course given how much as writing is my vent activity and I write what I'm in the mood for, there's a chance I'll feel ifmlam cravings before then, just... expect it to take a couple of years for an update, but also for there to be an update one way of another in a couple of years? but as for right now, I'm turning to original writing, because that is what brings me joy.

but I am really deeply honored that it brought you so much joy!!! and while I will never publish spoilers in a public place, if you message me off anon I am perfectly happy to give a run-down of my current plans for the ending, bc I know "wait a couple years and see" is not the most satisfactory of answers! and hey maybe you'll be like me and once you've given Opus a try you'll decide you like it better too, it does have Seers although they are deeply different Seers than in ifmlam but imo it's very gay and fun and at least politics on one side

[itsjustmyfantasyroom]

I can't believe it.

This is episode based, the Hank Abraham case- which i touched on as lightly as possible but its there, so there is fair warning.

Warnings: Usual Svu, SVU based & Hank Abraham case.

The air was thick with tension, no one was game to say anything at risk of adding more fuel to the fire or saying something wrong. Sonny, Amanda and you felt like you had done something wrong, when in reality you done your job and caught a bad man, you guys couldn't help who it was.

Rafael wasn't himself when he found out the news. You guys hadn't spent much time together since the case came in, he had been working late, you asleep when he got home and gone by the time you woke. He was getting pressure from the DA to sort this out and get it out of the way as quickly as possible. It had to come first till it was all over with.

Pippa Cox walked out of Liv's office after watching one of Hank’s interviews with Rafael and Ed Tucker, she looked into your eyes with such hate and hurt, and you looked down holding back tears with red cheeks. You guys had walked into her and Hanks apartment at two in the morning and turned her and her kid’s lives inside out. Of course she hated you for it. You got up from your desk and pretty much ran to the on call room and shut the door behind you letting the tears fall.

Amanda had seen the look you were given and how you reacted, you didn't know she had followed you.

The door opened and you were sitting on a bed. She walked over and sat next to you putting her arm around your shoulders.

"It's a tough one"

"You’re telling me, I just hate feeling like we done something wrong, you know"

"Yeah I know, but we didn't. We caught the bad guy"

"We tore his family apart"

"Yeah, but he was doing bad things, you wouldn't want to be married to someone like that would you?" You shook your head

----

Friday afternoon came at a snail’s pace. You had a few messages here and there from Rafael over the week, and one late night conversation, he felt like a stranger. He told you he didn't want you to feel that he was taking it out on you, but he has having trouble processing everything that was going on, which you could tell from his sad watery eyes during that conversation. So you left him to it and stayed out of the way.

Sonny had gone to court with Liv on Friday for the ruling, he wanted you to go too, but you wanted to stay back and finish off paper work and just go home. You finished early and signed out when Amanda did. You got a cab a block away from the apartment and picked up two bottles of wine then walked the rest of the way home.

You hadn't heard from Rafael so you decided to give it a couple of hours before you would order in. Sonny messaged you with outcome and you weren't sure how Rafael would be when he got home. You showered and washed you hair and put on some cotton shorts and a t-shirt and opened the wine.

You pretty much sculled down the first bottle. You were on your last glass from that bottle staring out the window when you heard the keys in the door. Rafael walked in like a zombie and went straight to the bathroom not even saying hello and you heard the shower running.

You stood at the island and opened the second bottle of wine and filled your glass up, picked up your phone and ordered his favourite Thai dish from a place down the street. You poured him a drink just how he liked it and sat it at the end of the island so he could see it when he walked out of the bathroom.

He came out in a pair of cotton track pants and a white t shirt, walked straight to the drink and drunk it in one go, he walked over to you, turned you to face him and wrapped his arms around your waist and hide his face in your neck.

"Just hold me, don't let me go ok" You nodded and kissed him on top of the head.

Not much was said for the rest of the night, dinner came and you ate in silence, Rafael having a couple more drinks after dinner. After you cleaned up and sat on the couch, Rafael joined you and laid his head on your lap and you ran your fingers threw his hair.

Next minute you heard him lightly snoring, you wiggled out from under him laying is head slowly down and covered him with a blanket and went to bed. You wanted nothing but to pull him to bed with you, but he was completely drained and slightly drunk, so best to just leave him there.

****

The light was streaming in from the window through your eyes lids, you slowly rolled onto your back and was surprised when you seen Rafael laying there looking up at the ceiling.

"Morning Rafi, are you ok?" You lent over and kissed him on the cheek. He didn't answer straight away. He was frowning and his jaw was clenched.

"I can't believe it you know-why he would risk everything over doing something like that. He had everything. An amazing job, a wife, two healthy happy children and he did that knowing if he was caught what would happen" he shook his head.

"No one will ever be able to answer that Rafi, not even him. He was fighting demons no one knew about and they won. I feel sorry for Pippa. Being married to him for so long and having his children, for him to be doing that behind her back. But I can't help but think it was our fault."

He turned his head and looked at you, you looked down

"Why would you think that?"

"Well if we had left when Liv told us too, he wouldn't have got caught and their lives would have gone on like they always had. All week Sonny, Amanda and I have been blaming ourselves. But we were just doing our job. But we tore his family apart-and I couldn't help but think you were mad, at us, at me starting this shit storm"

He rolled over and faced you, wrapping an arm around your waist.

"Look at me Hermosa" you didn't "Hermosa" you huffed and looked up to meet his gaze.

"I don't want you to ever think that ever again. He would have got caught. You done your job, and a good job at that. I'm sorry for the distances, I just couldn't get it to sink in. It triggered so much for me and I didn't know how to process it. Not that my father did anything like that, but he had an amazing wife and me, and it still wasn't enough, his actions caused him to lose us. I don't understand why what they have isn't enough."

"It’s life Rafi, some people it’s just their makeup, how they are made, they don't care if they lose what they have, no matter how good it is. If we weren't in the job we're in, none of this would matter as much as it does, it would just be another story on the news. But we see it first hand, we have a different point of view than most people. I just hope-never mind"

"No say it"

"I just hope I'll always be enough for you Rafi" his whole face softened and he lent down and kissed you lightly on the lips.

"Hermosa, you always have been and always will be enough, I love you."

****

 "Tio Raf, you promised so long ago" Zara pouted over the video call.

"I know mi Amor, but Tia and I have been really busy with work"

"Sweetie, as soon as Aunty Liv and Tio Raf's boss give us some time off we will be out to see you"

"I can call Aunty Liv and talk to her" you, Rafael and Nick started laughing

"It's ok sweetie thank you, but I can handle her"

****

"Ladies and Gentleman this is your caption speaking, we have arrived at LAX airport, local time 7 am, enjoy your stay in Los Angeles California"

The sun was shining down and you could smell the salt in the air, you hadn't been this relaxed in a very long time. You and Rafael were standing on Santa Monica pier waiting for Nick and Zara to come.

You both finally got some time off and worked with Nick on a week he had Zara over summer break. You guys all decided to keep it as a surprise for her. Although Rafael would have preferred a beach somewhere, you both naked most of the time, he was looking forward to some time away and some time with Zara. Nick only had a 1 bedroom apartment, so you guys were staying in a hotel. Rafael preferred it that way anyway, because he knew at the end of the day he could get you alone.

"You excited Hermosa?" Rafael was leaning on the rail looking very handsome in jeans and a casual button down, your arms wrapped around his middle and your chin on his shoulder

"Very much so. You?" He nodded and kissed you on the cheek.

"Hey Sweetie, I have a surprise for you"

"What is it Daddy?" Zara looked up at Nick

"Have a look around first to see if you notice anything"

Nick had sent you a message saying they were walking towards the pier, so you both started to make your way toward the entrance. You could see Zara scanning the crowd, and then her eyes met yours and she smiled and screamed.

"TIA" she ran towards you and knelt down a bit so you could pick her up as she got to you. Zara wrapped her arms around your neck and you picked her up.

"Hey my sweetie, surprise. I've missed you so much"

"Tia you made it. I've missed you"

You gave her a kiss in the cheek and placed her back on the ground when she wrapped her arms around your waist.

"Hey mi Amor"

"TIO RAF"

She pulled away from you and jumped on to Rafael, him picking her up. That finally gave you a chance to say hello to Nick. You wrapped your arms around his neck and his around your middle, he lifted you slightly off the ground.

"I've missed you so much Y/N"

"Me too Nick"

He put you down and pulled away, kissing you on top of your head resting his arm around your shoulders.

The week had been amazing, you guys had done so much with Nick and Zara. Zara was going back to Maria that night, and it was your last day tomorrow, you guys had a midnight flight. Nick was going to take you both out for dinner and then drive you to the airport.

"So the last case was a tough one hey" Nick took a sip of his beer.

"You could say that" Rafael frown "You’re lucky you missed out on all the fun" he rolled his eyes.

"It was horrible" you took a sip of your wine "that's really the first time I questioned myself at my job"

"Why would you do that?" Nick grabbed your arm and gave it a light squeeze "Your amazing at what you do, you couldn't help who it was. I was shocked when you told me"

"Anyway let's talk about something else, you look happy Nick, and so does Zara" you smiled at him.

"She is, I’ am. I' am missing a couple of things, well people, but it was worth the move for the most part, especially when the people I miss most come to visit"

"You don't miss me Amaro" Rafael smirked at him

"Well no, but you guys are a package deal" Nick winked at you.

[pixie88]

Delilah

Chapter 1 - Alone - Third A&E Series.

A/N: I originally posted this on a side blog but I was having trouble switching between the two and I also didn’t want to start again. As I said there this A&E series is a lot more darker, hitting RL subjects I have been through myself please don’t judge me as you can’t make me feel an worse than I have made myself in the past. The stigma around these subjects are real and so many people don’t speak out about them. Friends and family don’t even know the secrets I will reveal in these chapters as I am ashamed and worry about what they will think. I hope this helps even just one person realise they aren’t alone. I hope you like it 😘

I’m not going to annoy people with re-tags, so I’m not tagging in these first two chapters as most my usual tags have read it.

Find previous chapters HERE under Together - Adam & Ellie.

Word count: 1905

WARNINGS: ⚠️ Angst & adult language.

Pairings: Adam x Ellie.

Enjoy!

A Year and a half after the last chapter of A&E Together.

"She's beautiful, Ellie! A girl! We have a little girl," she looks over to him feeding their daughter. All the panic and worry was worth it! She thought to herself as she's getting stitched up.

16 week's earlier.

This pregnancy had been harder on her than Charlie's, her morning sickness had carried on until 24 weeks, she was in pain with her hips and back. Adam made her give up work at 32 weeks. She was reluctant, but knew he was right, plus at home, she could do more research on shops for sale in London.

By the time she had hit 36 weeks she had found the perfect shop, they had a cheeky weekend away in London to view the property while Ellie's mum had Charlie for them. Being heavily pregnant they didn't do much sight seeing, but they did spent a lot of time tangled beneath the sheets in the hotel room. This would probably be the last time in a long time they would have time alone, so they wanted to make the most of it. 

When they arrived back home Ellie had to sort out the internal and external work. She had put in an offer and was in the proceeds of owning the new shop being, so close to the end of her pregnancy Adam took over all the dealings of the new shop not wanting his wife stressed. 40 weeks Ellie woke on her due date irritated and fed up with being pregnant their little lady showed no signs of wanting to come out.

That afternoon Ellie was in the bathroom when she thought her water had broken, looking down at the floor, she was expecting to see clear waters but instead she saw crimson red puddles of blood. She calls out to Adam who was downstairs soon rushed up to his panicked wife. Shock grew on his face as he saw what had her so panicky. He quickly regained his composure, trying not to worry his heavily pregnant wife.

Adam quickly called her midwife who told them to head to the hospital after dropping Charlie at Elaine's door. He helped an hysterical Ellie into the car. On the way her contractions started they were very close together so when they arrived, he practically had to bridal carry her out to the car with her bag to the labour ward where they handed him a wheel chair. Once in the delivery suite and after a few puffs of gas and air Ellie start to calm down she was so mellow that she wasn't even bothered when the doctor took a sample of her blood, she usually hated blood tests but the gas and air had worked its magic.

When the doctor came in Ellie was completely out of it. Between contractions, she was drifting, those few seconds between each one felt like heaven "Sorry, did you say your name is Doctor Curry? I bet you had the korma taken out of you at school!" she laughs at her own joke, then apologizes when she realised what she had said "Don't worry, I know it's the gas and air talking believe me, I've had worse. We are just going to listen to baby and see how they are! OK?" She nods.

After 10 minutes whooshing the doctor and midwife didn't look very happy with the result "What's wrong?" She asked him. He had that look all doctor have when they're about to tell you bad news "You baby's heart beat keeps dipping" tears started forming in her eyes "Dipping? What do you mean?" He hands her a tissue "Mrs Barlow, we want to deliver your baby as safely as possible and with the fluctuations of their heart beat you have an hour to deliver this baby, or we will have to take you down to theatre for an emergency c-section" her heart sank "But how am I going to have a baby in less than an hour? She just said I'm only 3 centimetres" She looks up at Adam, he's calm which soothe her.

"Well, we need to first break your waters, hopefully that should speed things along a bit. So, I'm going to leave Charlotte here to do that and I will be back in half an hour to see how you are doing" DR. Curry makes his way for the door. "Ellie, after your next contraction I'm going try and break your waters. So, I need you to tell me when it's over, OK?" Ellie nods the next contraction comes and goes. Charlotte successful breaks her waters "That feels so warm!" Ellie laughs just as the next contraction starts to build.

"Oh my god! I feel like I need to push!" She screams as the contraction takes hold. "Ellie if you need to push, then push, but little pushes!" Scared her body is tricking her, she refuses "I can't! You said I was only 3 centimetres. I'm not ready!" She hisses at Charlotte "Hey Ellie, listen to me if that's what your body wants to do then do it. I will keep an eye if nothing happens we will stop! OK? You need to trust what your body is telling you to do!"

The next contraction build she begins to push... crashing Adam's hand in the process until it fades again "You're doing brilliant, beautiful" Adam kisses her forehead "Anything?" She asks her midwife "Well, I can see the top of baby's head..." She's cut off by the next contractions "There's the head" Charlotte tells her "With the next contraction she'll be here" another starts and Ellie pushes again "And here she is 7:43PM welcome to the world little one!" Charlotte says as she cleans her up.

"Ellie, you did it again! She's here!" Adam cups her face and kisses her lips "Skin to skin?" Charlotte asks, Ellie nods "I'll just get Daddy to cut the cord" she looks over to Adam and hands him the scissors. He proudly cuts through the cord before Charlotte moves her to Ellie's chest "Does she have a name?" Charlotte looks at both of them "We're still haven't decid..." she cuts Adam off "Delilah!" Ellie looks up at Adam as the brightest smile appears on his face "Aww that's lovely! Where did you get that from?" She asks the pair.

"It was my Nan's name" Adam says not quite believing she finally had a name and a name that means something to him. "That's sweet! Ellie do you want to give Delilah to Daddy while we get this afterbirth delivered?" Charlotte places Delilah in a towel passes her to Adam as DR. Curry walks in "How are we do...oh baby is here! Wow how long did that take?" He looks over to Charlotte "15 minutes after I broke her water. She had the urge to push right away!" He looks at her stunned "Whoa! That's amazing have you requested her IV drip yet?"

Ellie looks confused "IV drip?" He looks over to her "We estimated you probably lost just over a pint of blood. This will just stop anymore bleeding" Charlotte smiles at a worried Ellie "Nothing to worry about its just because you've lost more than usually. It's routine"

"I'll go and get what we need. While you finish up in here" DR. Curry says as he leave the room.

Later, Charlotte has shift had ended and a new midwife had taken over "When can I go for a shower?" Ellie asks her new midwife Demi she wanders over checks the IV drip monitor "You have another 45 minutes on this then you should be OK" another midwife walks in and calls Demi out of the room a few minutes later she comes back in "We are going to have to move you up to postnatal ward now" Ellie looked shocked with Charlie's Labour she was allowed to have a shower before heading up.

Her legs were still covered in blood as well as her hospital gown. She got off the bed with her IV drip and into a wheelchair, Adam close behind with Delilah. She gets into her cubicle and take a seat in the chair after the midwife leave, she bursts into tears Adam puts Delilah down in her cot and rushes over to his wife "Hey, what's up beautiful?"

She looks up at him "Everything I'm covered in blood, I'm still in this awful thing. I want get into bed, but I can't sit on there like this! I want to cuddle my baby, but my arms are cover in blood. I feel dirty like I'm a cast member of the walking dead! And from what it sounds like we have a snorer the other side of this stupid curtain" He lifts up his wife's chin "Watch Delilah I'll be back in a minute" he gets up and leaves the cubicle through the curtain.

10 minutes later he comes back with a wheel chair and a midwife "You help her into the chair and grab her bag I'll grab baby" the midwife tells Adam. Wiping her tears she looks up at him "What's going on?" He smiles at her "You'll see now come on!" He lifts her out of her chair and into the wheel chair. They walk down the hall and through a door. Once inside she spots another bed and a bathroom "Adam?"

She looks up at him "This was the last one they had!" She looks at him still confused, he laughs, "£90 a night for a private room with a bath in the bathroom and this lovely lady has said if you've had over 80 percent of that drip she'll take it off you, so you can go for a soak" her eyes well up and she starts to cry again.

"It suppose to make you happy not sad!" He laughs, "Happy tears!" The midwife smiles at them both as she catches sight of Ellie, she shook her head "Oh dear, look at the state of you! They let you come up here like that! You poor thing, let me put her next to the bed and get you off this. Even if I have to put you back on after you can't sit like that!" She puts Delilah next the bed and takes Ellie off the drip before helping her to the bathroom.

20 minutes later all fresh from her shower, she emerges from the bathroom in her own comfortable clothes. Adam is changing Delilahs nappy. He looks up "Feeling better?" She smiles as she nods at him before she gets onto the bed next him. She places a kiss on his cheek, "Thank you!" He looks over to her "Why are you thanking me? You did all the hard work!" He places Delilah back in her cot "You were calm while I was losing it! I crashed your hand and you spent money on a hospital room just to make me happy!"

He laughs, "I did have my own motives! No one, not even me was going to sleep with a motorbike snoring next door!" he pulls her to his chest and pulls over the blanket over the both of them "We better sleep while she does. So, night beautiful!" She kisses his cheek "Night! I love you!" She feels him chuckle "I love you more"

Continue reading this story here - Chapter 2.

[be11atrixthestrange]

Not gonna lie but ever since I've read:

'Double Hazelnut Almond Milk Macchiato', I've been wanting to try it so bad but I don't have time to go to a cafe and get one. The way that Hermione was her typical know-it-all self and Ron being his laid back and never back down self made it so adorable. Hermione knew what Ron was purposely doing but she still came back for more of the Redhead ( I mean coffee ;) ). The revelation at the end was perfect. I can just imagine Ron's face and Hermione trying to bite back a smirk but failing miserably.

I loved reading that drabble it seems so real, almost as if I was magically transported to that small cafe. You have an amazing talent!!

Hope to read more of your writing, you are my favorite Romione fanfic writer. You always manage to make me laugh with your humor and surprise me time and time again with your scenery. I've read lots of your fics and I cant wait for future fics (that's whenever you want to of course).

Do you have a favorite Romione fic? Also when you write fics, does the scenes and dialogue come naturally or does it take 7-10 business days like it takes me to come up with a new paragraph for a wip? I got about three different romione fics (dabbles and one multi chapter) but its difficult to stay concentrated on one, when I just want to finish all of them.

I've been trying to write and post fics but it's hard to manage the time and hard to quit adding and re-adding different outcomes. Not sure if that happens to you but it happens to me way to much.

So, so very sorry for the long ask. Hope it's not making you uncomfortable.

Thanks again for writing fics and again I hope to read more or if one day I get over my nerves maybe you can give me advice in improving my writing? Unless your busy you can give me a recommendation on someone else, no hard feelings if your not able to.

Thanks for being you!

(P.s I love your sense of humor and the way you bring those two stubborn love birds together in different ways)

Hi. Wow. Okay. Where do I start?

You are my favorite anon ever. Like EVER. Also, little secret, I have never had a Double Hazelnut Almond Milk Macchiato before, I completely made that up, but it's totally a thing because someone told me they went and got one and it was pretty good! I'm so glad you liked that ficlet and I'm happy to tell you it's inspired a very weird and meta multi-chap that's holiday themed and tropey as fuck and I think you're gonna like it. It's called Do You Believe In Magic? and it's dropping November 2021 and I'm going to dedicate it to you.

Do I have a favorite Romione fic? UGH. I DON'T KNOW. I LOVE IT ALL. I feel like I can't name just one because I am so amazed by the romione writers and their talent. Every writer is so unique and I love reading because it's like getting a little peek into the inner workings of someone's brain. I'm sorry this is such a cop-out answer.

7-10 business days! YES. That is so accurate. You seem a lot like me, tbh. My brain is all over the place and writing fanfic is where I let my adhd go unchecked and sometimes that means I don't write for weeks and other times I churn out something magical and other times I write a heaping pile of shit. It's all part of the process. I can churn out a 5k chapter in one sitting if I'm totally lost in the story, but that's rare, and there's nothing more grueling that writing something you're not into. That reminds me of school and I hated school haha. Recently I've started a goal of writing 100 words a day, and it's been great because it's enough to know if I'm in the zone, or not feeling it. If I'm in the zone, 100 words turns into 1000, and if I'm not feeling it, there's no pressure to write more. I just want to finish my fics too, but what's the point? I'll know I'll just start another ;). Enjoy the process!

I truly hope you get over your nerves and reach out again! I'd love to help any way I can! I'm also low key DYING to know who you are (other than my new favorite person). Honestly though, my best advice right now is just to write and not worry about if it's "good" and read as much as you possibly can.

Again, you are so awesome. I love you. And no this didn't make me uncomfortable, it made me so happy.

[indecisive-v]

NINJAMUFFIN DOING ANOTHER AMA ON TWITTER, HERE'S MORE SHIT FOR YA! keep in mind i'm just sharing the funkin related stuff, though i am including WAAAAY more than what i shared before 👍 go check out ninja's twitter profile for questions about stuff like ritz! questions in blue, answers in orange. if yall don't wanna read everything i MIGHT make a version of this post where i replace the answers with my own summaries of em (and if the questions are long, those too)

and here's a link to the ama tweet itself! dunno if it's still goin

Q: I figure the answer will be yes but do you have more plans to implement more guest appearances from people in the newgrounds community into FNF? Or are you all gunna focus on OG lore and stuff going forward

A: for guest appearances, I think we have always seen it as getting a healthy mix of both. PERSONALLY I'd like to lean towards having more OG stuff than guest stuff, BUT it's all a matter of what other boys think of that as well. I'm not the sole person working on game!

Q: Are you gonna release the full FNF game or are you gonna be releasing week after week? Like, are you gonna release week 8 or are we gonna wait some years until The Full Ass Game comes out?

A: Release plan for FNF right now is a few more updates or whatev to the 'demo' we have out right now, and then a long silence of probably no updates whatsoever until the full game is done (which will likely be a few years). That's partly why we made kickstarter for game.

Q: Hey so like, how much will Fnf cost after it's finished? And when will you ask the supporters what they want the game on?

A: It's all subject to change, but right now it prob gonna be standard 15-25$ lil steam indie game.

We will ask Kickstarter pledgers and whatnot what they want the game on SUPER close to when its released, to keep options open if we get onto anything like a console people want.

Q: 1. how was your day

2. are you releasing a week 8 song early like week 7, or are you goin full lockdown

A: I am doing GOOD today, and I think recently I've been good in general.

up to the mood, but so far we doing good about not having anything leak or whatev, so I think it'd be fun to have update come out with people not knowing what to expect at all. Build dat intrigue

Q: Will fnf ever get official plushies?? Seems like an untapped market

A: FNF plushies will prob happen some point, we have a lot of current merch stuff on our plates already though! (Mostly kickstarter type stuff, shirts, pins, posters, and all the physical OST stuff) Its a lot to sort out, but in time more and more stuff will happen. We r jus 4 boys!

Q: did you ever expect your game to blow up as it did? what was your first reaction to seeing it become super popular

A: FNF never had a humble moment, literally day 1 before the prototype even came out, the vid on twitter had like 5K likes overnight. Then when ludum dare version came out, it got 5K likes again, like it wasnt just a fluke. Was crazy, and def felt like somethin was different wit FNF

Q: Do you plan on getting other people to come in to help with the music? That seems like a lot of work to dump on one person, what with the erect mode and whatnot.

I guess the question could apply to all aspects of development. Will you be bringing on more people to help?

A: We definitely are getting help from other people. We are always keeping an eye on people for various different things. In terms of programming, already I've gotten 2 people (MtH and Geokureli) to help with certain Week 7 stuff (charting/polish, and loading stuff). Shit like dat

Q: Oh, also, will the Steam version be Workshop compatible? That'd really help streamline the process of downloading mods.

A: Steam version of FNF will likely NOT be Steam workshop compatible, because we want all the mods to NOT be spread out through different places. There WILL be modding support that is as streamlined as Steam workshop though. Mainly for non-steam versions of the game!

Q: Are there any chances that the game will have a physical release? Also any updates on a switch port? I remember one of you guys talking/joking about it.

A: Not impossible for FNF to get a physical release. We would want to see how far we could go with it though. I think it'd be super easy to do something wit people like LimitedRun games or whatev, but I think stuff like that can only go so far. I wanna see Funkin in mf Walmart!!!!!!

not that LimitedRun isn't going to be an option! Just we consider and pursue many different things! FNF release is years away, so we have time to think about everything. Whole mindset can be different just a few months from now.

Q: Out of curiosity, how are you dealing with all the popularity? It blew up so fast id barely be able to handle it if I was in your shoes.

A: The only way I've been able to handle it is having the other boys on the crew and being able to talk to them about all the overwhelmingness.

Part of it feels very lonesome, feels like NO ONE can come close to comprehending exactly how I'm feeling, except them. also other PALS!!!

Q: Do you own any of the bootleg FNF merchandise? Like any bootleg plushies or anything?

A: i dont, i genuinely think they r a waste of money, and I know any bootleg shit that gets made, we can prob go about and make it, and make it 100x cooler because we actually put effort into shit. bootleg shit just in it for the coin, so they aint gettin that from me

Q: How did you go about getting in contact with sr pelo for skid and pumps vocals?

A: Pelo i think was familiar and pals wit PhantomArcade a bit thru various Newgrounds things and collabs and whatnot.

pelo retweeted the first OG FNF posts first ever, and brought a LOT of attention to it. to pay him back, we put skid and pump in game! ask dave for more info prob

Q: what's the plan for having the full ass game open source if it's gonna cost money? couldn't people just download the source and compile the game for free?

A: when FNF is fully released, the full source code will be released as well.

the game will be DRM free so it will be way easier for people to redistribute the released/offical .exe instead of compiling it, so that's not the issue anyways. people will pay for things if they like it

Q: What are the chances of it getting on consoles like switch or Playstation, ps5 would definitely be my preferred way to play

A: it'd be a matter of hiring someone to build out backend stuff for those specific consoles. someone who knows their way around all the wacky code stuff, AND knows console hardware stuff. Then its just a matter of hittin up those console manufacturers (Sony, Microsoft, or Nintendo)

the CLOSEST one is SWITCH. pretty much all of that backend is already made, so it just a matter of gettin all that access and shit.

i think in any case though, there's a lot of NDA stuff required, i dunno how much we'd be able to talk about it even IF we get that stuf sorted

Q: any ideas of releasing it on epic store or another platform?

A: Right now, the only thing that is 100% confirmed and WILL happen is a Steam version, itchio version, and mobile versions on respective app stores. Other storefronts aren't out of the picture though, but we don't want to spread ourselves too thin with it.

Q: Will you continue using HaxeFlixel to make the rest of FNF?

A: yes, because it is what I'm the most technically proficient in, and generally is VERY flexible. just a matter of ME becoming a better coder. It's ALL open source, so if I need something done a certain way, either I can do it, or we can hire someone to do it.

Q: have you seen game theory's videos on your game yet and if so, what do you think about them? (not talking about his predictions because i dont want spoilers. i like mystery)

A: it is always good silly fun to watch the Game Theory vids about Funkin with some pals, and see what matpat thinks of the game. i lov the vids, but wish he used my face less! Or at least used a cuter pic of me like this one!!

Q: Ok so: What does the future of FNF look like to you?

A: future of FNF is a rhythm game that not only exceeds every expectation that people have of it, but subverts most expectations and conventions as well.

Q: Do you plan on retouching on older weeks once the game is fully out? Like reanimating sprites, redoing some charting, updating the background, etc

A: retouching and probably overhauling certain aspects is almost definitely gonna happen. Everything is fluid and can be changed (and should be changed when necessary). i dont think anything should be too attached to, especially this early on in development

Q: I honestly do not care if the answer to this is vague as hell to keep surprises and shit lol but… Since Week 7 was the closest we’ll get to a playable girlfriend (still bf controlling tho), do you have plans to make girlfriend playable in spin-off things or just freeplay?

A: wouldnt be out of the picture for a playable GF, i don't think we've had some hard thing AGAINST it. just a matter of what we want out of the game, and what sort of story or whatev we could do with that concept

Q: How do BF and GF manage to meet famous newgrounds characters (such as pico, tankman and the others to come) like is this all in one universe/ timeline or are they being brought in?

A: i think they are all just there existing. i think there's a lot of wacky things in other media that try to justify crossovers, like MULTIVERSE bullshit or TIMELINE shit, but i dunno, its like subspace emissary. Captain Falcon and Olimar from Pikmin just hang out. Shit like dat

disclaimer that all lore shit is in phantomarcade head pretty much and maybe there is wacky dimensions or somethin

Q: Will the game have dlc?

A: its not too unlikely that we'd have expansions of some sort, but i mean right now we plan on packing in as much as we can into base game, and trying to make that as pure as possible.

if there is ANY dlc, i would personally want it to be 100% free updates

Q: How did you meet Phantom Arcade, Kawai Sprite, and EvilSker? And what do you think about the community and its controversies?

A: me and phantomarcade been fukin around NG for years so years and years ago we naturally crossed paths and became pals

about 2 years ago i found kawaisprites music on NG, and started talkin wit him, made Ritz wit him and we fell in lov

and evilsk8r i met cuz of FNF!!!

quik elaborate on evilsk8r, wanted artist for gamejam FNF was for (ludum dare), and OG person i asked wasnt available, so he referred me to evilsk8r, who I have never met or talked to before ever.