#I've been writing more and showing my friends on discord and I'm really proud of how the stuff comes out | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

softsky-daily · 2 months ago

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11/7/2024

My phone always makes these nighttime photos look so haunted.

Positive thing: I had a nice therapy session.

Talking with him about election woes helped, and it was also while I was talking I realized there's plenty of good things happening in my life too. I have many wonderful friends, I'm moving to a new place soon, my mom is confirmed to be coming home in December, and I'm getting back into stuff I enjoyed like nigehaji. I reflected on how much more I've been feeling like drawing and writing again which I thought might never happen.

There were some funny/interesting things from today. My coworker friend and I have been slowly watching through nigehaji together after we finish work on Thursdays, and she gets supremely frustrated while watching the main leads. It's a playful kind of frustration, and I totally feel her because I'm pretty sure I reacted similarly when I was first watching. There's this weird quality to nigehaji where the exact same details and scenes that make me insane make every other person go "...ok?" or even "god what is wrong with them". Which is absolutely their perogative and I don't feel offended if they don't like it. It just makes it hard to explain why I do like it. I don't know how to put into words that the fact that the two main leads don't communicate on the same wavelength and the main guy is always running away is frustrating but also a key part of the message of the whole show. And if it was any other romance with a different setup I would condemn it to hell for being a dumb miscommunication arc but in nigehaji it's actually just cinema to me. I don't know how to explain!! I just don't know. But maybe I'll write another essay about why I like it and maybe it'll finally turn out coherent one of these days.

Another interesting thing that completely distracted me from my nigehajiposting was someone in one of the Japanese Discord servers I'm in apparently got coaxed into some maid cafe bar, and spent ¥100,000 on a drink. ¥100,000!!! For context, that's roughly $650. I know he got pressured into a tourist trap basically, but I was so shocked at how he basically reacted like it was a small mistake and not something that ruined his wallet. Like, that's almost my rent for the month basically. On one drink?? Oh my god. I would fall to my knees. What cracked me up was how he followed up saying he was done with maid cafes because of this but not 30 minutes later he announced he was in another one. Godspeed, dude. I guess this is how Japan's tourism industry stays alive.

This one's less interesting but I had to do a reading for class, and the book we have to read is written in a very annoying way. Basically it's a self-help kind of book about how to organize your life, applied to building your career or whatever. I do think there's some good points in there, but because the author is a Los Angeles white woman hustler type lady it has this grating edge to it. "You just have to get up early and do things!" rings hollow from anybody but especially from someone like that. There's a short excerpt where she describes how one of her lowest points in her life was lying on the floor for 30 minutes feeling stuck. And like, lady, I feel that way every day, and I'm lucky if it's for 30 minutes. Also her anecdotes tend to include other brands and social media and it just feels like I'm being advertised to every other minute. She shows an example of what she thinks a cordial email is and it's the most passive-aggressive thing I've ever read and she finishes by saying something like "And I'm really proud of how I handled this email, I'm so professional!" and it's like, okay...

Long story short, I don't trust people whose lives are extremely niche in the grand scheme of things giving advice as if it's universal. Maybe if you're white and neurotypical and abled you'd resonate more with this lady and her "I try to get up at 6:15am and be in my car by 8:23am" type nonsense.

But anyway. Tomorrow I'm looking at another place with my friends to potentially move into, and this one looks real promising. It's got wood floors instead of carpet like the last one, and it's located in a nice neighborhood close to my university. The rent isn't bad either. I'm hoping it looks as nice in real life as it does in the online pictures.

#thoughtposting #skyposting

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marshmallowprotection · 5 months ago

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Positivity time!

I find myself in bittersweet moments really often in a fandom like this one, where a lot of people have come and gone in my little space online here, I've made a lot of friends I don't talk one on one with anymore but remain mutually with and I'm grateful for the memories and conversations we shared. I miss so many of them and get happy to see when they pop up on my feed on the rare occasion.

What have been some of your favorite "ups" about meeting people within the fandom over the years?

God, there's been a lot of them over the years. I have this fandom to thank for getting me out of a toxic, abusive relationship, for one. That is something I will forever be grateful for. I'm grateful for the game as well in that regard, because certain characters helped me reflect on a lot of self-sacrificial traits and how I should strive to value myself a lot more than I did. That's a kind of gratitude you aren't sure you can ever repay but you still try to every day because kindness spreads. A smile or act of kindness can change someone's life and you might never be aware of that fact.

There's been a lot of little moments, too. Like, camel V is one of those jokes. I use MM bots on Discord and one time I used the wrong proxy to prompt my bot, and I hit "camel" instead of "camera" for V, and I'm afraid that's how that meme was born.

My western AU is also a byproduct of me joking around with folks in the fandom about Unknown's boots and then I made a full blown AU for it just to prove that I could do it, and it's one of my most cherished stories to date because of all the interaction and engagement it got! I still get people sending me messages about it to this day. I love when someone shows me their MC drawn as the reader-insert.

God, I love it when that happens for any reader-insert story. Please, if you ever draw your MCs in my stories, tell me, I want to see it. I love it because you never know how someone imagines their character. I love seeing people's characters and the love they put into them.

There have been a lot of stand-out moments and it's hard to pick just a few of them. I've spoken to all kinds of people, and I find peace with the thought that writing something for them made a difference in the long run. I know that's not going to fix something for someone, but I know that being told someone really loves you, especially your very favorite character, can help you after a horrible day. It's the little acts of kindness, you know? I've had people tell me before that made their day and it makes my day in return.

I just love being in this community because we get to inspire each other and thrive in what we love. Yeah, we're bonding over a game, but that bond can run deeper when you see the labor of love others put into what they're creating for it. I am always so proud to see so many fans shamelessly enjoying creating things they love, those are my favorite moments. When I see someone make something without hesitating or feeling afraid of being "cringy."

Make Saeyoung a catboy. Put V in a maid dress. Draw Jumin playing LOLOL with Yoosung. Put Yoosung in a room with Gordon Ramsay. Have Zen enter any of your favorite musicals to see what he might be! Design cakes for Jaehee at her bakery and be the first one to eat them! Go on a picnic with Saeran. Roller skate your way into Vanderwood's heart. Woo Rika with your sticker collection! There's no limit to what you can do!

#tw abuse mention #ask #anon #mod kait

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transmonstera · 2 years ago

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In regards to your posts about ao3 and how vile it is in actuality, I wanna say thank you. I've not put much thought into the website I've been using but this has put things into perspective. I no longer want my work (work that I am proud of) on a website like that. Ao3 doesn't align with my values and I'm assuming many other people's who use the site.

Do you have any suggestions on a better site everyone can use?

(Side note: I absolutely adore your work!)

sure thing!

while there are no websites quite like ao3 in terms of filtering, curation, bookmarks, likes/comments etc there are a few alternatives out there!

Wattpad - I know people make fun of this one because it's where all the rpf for bands went back in the day but it is still operating and many people use it so you'll likely just switch viewers from ao3 to wattpad pretty seamlessly

Tumblr - you can always post directly on here! there is a character limit i believe of 4k so it's great for showing previews or even cutting up a small fic into parts 1, 2, 3, etc. a little clunky but it's an option if you only write short stuff! (Twitter threads can even be an option for this though again, a lil restrictive and works better for super short works!)

Google Docs + Linktree - if you have a linktree account you can always just link a view only (make sure people can't edit!) google doc of the fic! having the fics on a linktree still give people the ability to see all of your work in one place, and you can even see on linktree the click statistics for each fic! while it doesn't give the reader the ability to like/comment, you can always encourage those who do like it to leave a message on your tumblr!

Discord (or any groupchat tbh!) - similar to above you can always set up a discord server and post your fics view docs links there! it gives a curated experience and you can see the comments of people directly in the server

AO3 has seemingly made people believe that each and everyone one of their fan creations must be thrown out into the void where you hope everyone sees it and loves it. I think this has really stifled people's abilities to truly be creative in terms of making content of their favourite medias (and even with transitioning to making original work!) because you may subconsciously be adhering the current trends and whatnot of everyone else, even if you don't really like it yourself! I mean look at how common modern/high school aus still are today when I have yet to meet anyone who actually likes them. Look at how many books that have been published lately that painfully follow AO3 tag systems, where they don't even havea blurb anymore and instead just have "friends to lovers meet blah blah blah! read it now!". (Not to mention the quality of the books being published is fucking atrocious)

AO3 has ruined publishing and I am being entirely serious about that.

But back to where you wanna go with your fics now. Don't be afraid to restructure how you interact with your hobbies! It doesn't have to be so exposed and vulnerable to anyone and everyone having their say on it. I used to participate massively in fandom and I'll be honest, it made me miserable. I constantly felt like I couldn't keep up, that my ideas were wrong because another idea was more popular, and I really struggled. So I took about a hundred steps back and only interact with the media I like through my friends who also like it! And it's a lot better! You may not get hundreds and thousands of likes on fics from here on out if that's what you're used to, but I guarantee you'll have more meaningful interactions that you actually hold dear to you far more than any "a guest has left a kudos on your work" notification.

(Also just a pre-emptive thing of anyone who wants to defend AO3 on this post because "it's an integral part of fandom!" or "they need that much money because they run a site with no ads!", or you want to try and tell me that the fics on there are fine because it's fiction regardless of what the fics is (including literal fucking CSAM), just know you are completely unserious and I don't value a single thing you say. So don't even try it. How about you donate to a marginalised person's mutual aid for the first time in your life and you'll calm down.)

#anon #hope this helps a lil!#@ anon ignore the lil bit at the end this is for Everyone Else not @ you it was nice answering your question! <3

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cenviswasteland · 5 months ago

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more for the fanfic writing ask! 28, 29 and 50 :3

howdy!! thank you thank you for the ask :3 let's talk!!

28. What area of writing do you want to improve in?

genuinely, my consistency. my writing inspiration / mood is sporadic at best. i want to make a career out of writing one day, and it's not great for my confidence when i have days where i can't seem to produce anything. i've been trying to train myself to write for 15 minutes a day or so, but even that seems soul-crushing some days. it's definitely something for me to work on. i'll get better at it, haha.

(maybe i should go find a flash-fic / drabble ask game next? since this ask game seems to be doing so well, i might get a chance to practice!!)

29. What’s something about your writing that you’re proud of?

i mentioned this when i answered question 27 in the first ask i got, but i'm very proud of my dialogue and the way i can get emotions out of my readers. actually, i think it'd be easier to just show some of those emotions? hahaha!

(me and my besties have a little discord server together and it is the best thing in the world. i love them very dearly and they are my guinea pigs for everything i write.)

so yeah, i'm very happy that i get to pull out all kinds of emotions from my readers and they're the emotions i want to pull from them!! infinitely proud of myself for being so in-tune with human emotions on-page considering i'm usually pretty bad at picking up on what emotions people feel in real life.

50. How would you describe your writing style?

"dramatic" and "visual" if that makes sense. i'm not gonna sit here and suck my own dick about it or anything, but my friends have told me that i have kind of "cinematic" writing? i'll describe things in good detail and paint an easily-visualized picture and what have you. also, according to one specific friend (cyber ilyp) i "radiate the vibe of an author who's been published already" and that's probably the highest compliment i've ever received.

but yeah in general i amp the drama in my pieces and i'm pretty descriptive. i also tend to get long-winded but that's something that can be fixed with editing and beta reading etc etc. :)

===+++===

again, thanks a ton for the ask! this is really so much fun. if anybody else is interested in sending me another couple questions, you can check out the prompt list here!

(and hey, if you wanna ask something that's not on the list, go for it!!)

peace love and little donuts lol! :D

#on writing #writing stuff #writing ask game #cenviswasteland

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theinquisitivej · 1 year ago

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A Return

Well, it's nice to see this whole thing is still here underneath all this dust. How are you guys? I hope life has been kind, and that you are all as creative, positive, and driven as I remember.

It has been years since I posted on here, so all of this will take some getting used to. But I miss the process and the catharsis of having a space where I could express myself and push myself to make articles I could be proud of, even if it was only ever me reading them. I've been lucky enough to have had other venues and accomplishments in the intervening years that have been fulfilling in their own way. But sometimes, you just want a humble blog to call your own, you know?

Special thanks to the School of Movies community, who I have been talking films and other media with online for years. You're all wonderful people, and maybe with my own space here I can stop flooding some of the Discord channels with paragraphs of text on this or that movie and tv show, eh?

Anyway, this will all be a bumpy return where not everything falls into place all at once. So if you're still here, bear with me as I tidy the place up a bit and get back into the swing of all this. And if I'm just talking to myself, then even better!

I'll be back soon with two best of 2023 posts to get us started, as well as some completely out of context episode write-ups for The Zeta Project, an obscure show that I have been watching and putting together writeups on-and-off on the School of Movies community discord. That's just to tidy up and settle some old business. From there... who knows? But I can't wait to find out.

In the meantime, you can catch up on what I've been up to over at Through the Wind Door, a podcast I started with a friend of mine to talk about New Century. You remember, that book series I kept gushing about and told you all to check out? Well, it's still good. Better, even, and there's been a whole bunch more since we last talked. The latest one is called Castle of the Moon, and it has a lady Dracula and terrific Gothic Sex Appeal, a term I coined once when discussing the Castlevania Netflix show.

Wait, did you guys watch that show? I feel like that's one tumblr would have gone nuts over. Really need to check out Nocturne soon...

Anyway, I've been on this podcast since 2020, my co-host and editor talk through each chapter of each book (just like my episode / chapter write-ups I used to do back here in the day). We have interviews with the author and his cast of voice actors, and they are all not only lovely people, but talented as all heck. We also have tangent episodes where we talk about other media that captures our attention, like introducing my co-host to 10 classic horror movies, or Insomniac's Spider-Man 2. Actually, here, let me show you the first part of our multiple episode recording session on that one, that's a pretty good place to start.

Well, here we go again and all that. See you again soon!

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survivor-marieta-islands · 1 year ago

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Cast Reveal #2 - Sin Sazonar - New School

AJ | SHE/HER | 19 | PORTUGAL | STUDENT

First Season: The North Sea (October 2022)

Intro: Hi y'all I'm AJ and I like survivor. I enjoy making new friends, I beebop (travel) around sometimes, and that's pretty much it. I also enjoy writing and drawing. Can't wait to meet everyone!

Three Words to Describe You: Devoted, Logical, Competitive

Hobbies and Passions: Drawing, Reading, Writing, and Singing on Occasion

What You're Most Proud Of: The number of places I've been to and seen so far in my life

Why You'll Win: Because I have what it takes ;)

BRANDI | SHE/HER | 26 | TEXAS | SOCIAL WORKER

First Season: The North Sea (October 2022)

Intro: Hi everyone!!!! SO HAPPY TO BE BACK! I played survivor with the stings last year and loved it (even though I lost bc of rocks 😒) right before the merge. I live in Texas, I’m a social worker, and I love to crochet and read. Can’t wait to get to get down to business 💪🏼

Three Words to Describe You: Loyal, easy going, chill

Hobbies and Passions: Crocheting, reading, listening to podcasts

What You're Most Proud Of: Finishing college! First person in my family to get a bachelor degree.

Why You'll Win: I am very motivated and excited to play this game!! Winning would be the cherry on top 🍒 if you fail to plan you plan to fail!

CLEFFORD | HE/HIM | 21 | PHILIPPINES | STUDENT

First Season: Raccoon City (June 2022)

Intro: Good day! Clefford is the name of the person that you'll love and adore. I'm 21-year-old Filipino that watches a lot of films, tv series, and reality shows. I'm an Aries and ENFJ. Life is short and the world is wide is the motto.

Three Words to Describe You: Nature, Universe, Animals

Hobbies and Passions: Watching films, tv series, and reality shows.

What You're Most Proud Of: Choosing to be always kind.

Why You'll Win: I have what it takes.

ADELINE | THEY/SHE | 22 | NEW HAMPSHIRE | NANNY

First Season: Patagonia (February 2022)

Intro: Helllooooo party people my names Adeline, or Del, i am a ginormous flop in these Skype games. I am more known in the scary terrible land of discord games, where I host EchoORG, and consistently get sniped at F6 in other ORGS! I front a punk band, love film photography, watch a lot of TV (reality and otherwise), and I write singer songwriter music! I'm really excited to give this platform another chance and prove that i can keep up with y'all :'))

Three Words to Describe You: Insane, delusional, fun

Hobbies and Passions: Writing music, taking names, being gay

What You're Most Proud Of: I am an AMAZING nanny, i work with an autistic two year old and we get each other on a level I've never felt, i am SO PROUD OF MYSELF so how much work I've put in to make his development a positive experience for him.

Why You'll Win: I think i have more experience now and hopefully enough determination

HAIRIE | HE/HIM | 28 | SINGAPORE | TECH SUPPORT

First Season: The North Sea (October 2022)

Intro: Hey hey hey, it's your boy from Singapore (yeah the timezone from the not so distant future). A year older from when I last played, don't know if I'll be a year wiser. Hobbies include travelling, water sports, Zombie shows (well mostly love alot of things in general). A Leo for the curious cats out there. I also hope I don't get the birthday curse.

Three Words to Describe You: Adventurous, Easy-going and Eclectic

Hobbies and Passions: Binge watching shows/movies, travelling, diving, Pokemon

What You're Most Proud Of: Being the first in the family to get a diploma

Why You'll Win: I relentlessly pursue my dreams. I can make it to the end and am confident in my ability to advocate for myself at final tribal.

#cast #cast reveal

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veiledfox · 2 years ago

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1 and 24!

Munday Meme

1. When did you start writing on Tumblr?

} From what I can recall, 2012 or 2013, I was absolutely not supposed to be on here at the age I was, but I couldn't give less of a shit after such a stifling and annoying life of growing up with a highly religious LDS Mormon family, who I still live with, but I've not been active with that shit for even longer than that honestly. I'm not even gonna sugarcoat that I started with MLP either, cause that's what was big at the time and I had actually gotten into it. It ***used*** to be good, used to be fun, but it started getting horribly repetitive and boring and I moved on rather quickly. Went from MLP to Pokemon, Pokemon to Soul Eater, made a RWBY OC, made another RWBY OC which became a team, then remade that team and expanded to near 30 RWBY OCs in total, then cut back down to a pair of "main" OCs with 2 extras. Finally came here, independent but adaptive OC who could play into a number of different fandoms.

24. What about your muse are you most proud of?

Honestly, it's a mixture of my prior primary muse and Kyuushi. My prior muse was the full realization of an OC who I had been working on/writing through two prior iterations before the third became what I really wanted them to be. I still write them on Discord with a friend since we've grown really attached to the throuple our muses from RWBY have. But we've both p/much entirely abandoned our RWBY blogs on here and most association with the fandom since the RPC wasn't really great, and the show's been fucking garbage for years now.

Kyuushi, however, has been the one Muse that I've put so much time and thought into and felt happy with how she was right away. She's become my main muse 100%, and I'm honestly really proud of her, and how I've adapted her to different worlds and their rules so far. Just... really wish people seemed more interested in interacting with her. People say they are, but then just... don't. Ever. Unless it's the small circle of people who've stuck with me throughout my last 4-5 blogs, there's next to nothing happening with any of my muses with anyone.

Aside from them, Axel, I've had the idea of Axel for a long ass time and adapted them from another RWBY OC into an independent OC and brought them back on here, and I love my Chimera Boi so much. Just, again, the lack of interest in interacting with him hurts quite a bit honestly.

#shootingxstardust

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crow-of-ohio · 6 months ago

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ya okay so I'll give context now

Recently an attempted call-out post was made about me and my girlfriend Nexus on the rry2k blog so I'll just get some misconceptions straightened out:

We left of our own volition after bad personal experiences, we were not kicked off the team.

the "leaks" that happened happened in a private server only with a few friends after I left and I wanted to show off the art I was really proud of that I wasn't going to let them use after I left on grounds of it being mine + wanted to talk about the project with people who I thought weren't going to be looking at it anymore. In addition, Nexus only "leaked" plot points she had never actually proposed to the project manager, as well as a character that was meant for post-canon plot that she revoked permission to use once she left. the rest were done by me and a few of my ex-partners, I assume at least one of which is still on the writing team.

the operator board account was made to drive interaction on the blog and get more eyes on it and only ever posted things that the project leader was frustrated people weren't getting yet, I made it specifically to make the project leader happy. I acknowledge now that it was kind of a shady way to do that, but the characters of Team Switchboard and their interactions with the blog+with other fans were meant to be confined to helping along the plot so we never got stuck at one place or another (which we often did, there were many times asks stopped coming in completely and made the team antsy)

Ultimately rry2k was a project promised to us as something where all the characters would get a moment to shine, but the project manager increasingly locked down on making it all about the character Darnold and wanted to control everyone's story arcs and made it a hostile environment for a lot of the team to work in (I genuinely feel bad for the folks still in that group in that environment, it sounds like people are still miserable if they're bringing this up months after the fact, Nexus and I have moved on)

That post was also unfair to Nexus, she was never an active part of the issue. All she wanted was to write Benrey as a character with depression who was looking for an escape, and wanted his mental health to be treated seriously, but was denied that and made to reduce his character to being, generally unserious comic relief whose plot relevance was only that the other characters had to lug his sleeping body around. I can't stress enough that Nexus is only being treated like this in that post because she's the only person who decided to keep being friends with me after my meltdown and mental health crisis.

In addition, the post claims that we are stealing character designs and concepts from rry2k for future projects. I can only assume this is in reference to Nexus continuing to use "lackadaisy," a character she originally designed and wrote, while updating his design and changing his name to Daisybell. He is not going to be used in any future public projects, and exists in a crack au with a completely different plot that's confined purely to making shit up over discord messages. Daisy is Jonah's character. She can't steal something that was hers to begin with.

yall, it's been months since things went down with that friend group. We were doing our best to put the past behind us and grow as people. Bringing things up now is a petty attempt to ruin the friendships we have now when it looks like we're actually starting to be happy again. I can't express just how petty of a picture this paints of them in my eyes, especially since I already spoke with one of them last month on my birthday to go over why many of my actions while in that friend group were wrong (and I admit that I made a lot of mistakes that hurt a lot of people, but I am genuinely trying to do better now that I've been informed of how exactly many of my actions hurt the people I cared about. I'm using that information to be a better person.)

Thanks for reading my long-ass post

hiiii asking anyone who's seeing unfair claims being made abt me to come and talk to me about it before taking things said about me at face value thanks xoxo

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stevethehairington · 2 years ago

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Congratulations!! Honestly I’ve never seen a fic get anywhere close to 1k so 2k is so fucking impressive. That’s insane! I was wondering if you have any tips for bringing in readers? Obviously your writing is amazing. Currently I’m struggling to get 20 kudos. 😅

so sorry for the late reply, it's been a busy week! but thank you so much!!!!! i'm honestly so like shocked that it's managed to get up to 2k! it just baffles me that at least two thousand people have read/liked something that i wrote. it's incredibly validating and i just feel so so so grateful.

ooh, tips for bringing in readers hm.

share your fic on multiple platforms! obviously, once that fic is posted it's going to show up in the tags you've used on ao3 (assuming that's where you've posted it!), but you want it to reach more than just those looking on ao3, because not everyone looks in the general pairing tag or narrows their search down to the trope tags you may have used. so my advice here, is to take that link and make a tumblr post with it! make a tweet that includes it! throw that link up on instagram if you use that for fandom stuff. if you're in any discord servers for that fandom/pairing, drop the link there too! spread it around as far and wide as you can so you can get as many eyes on it as possible!

do not be afraid of some good ol' shameless self-promo! in the same vein as #1, don't be afraid to then promote those posts you've made about your fic! self-reblog, self-retweet, self-rewhatever! get your fic circulating! it's your blog/page/account, so you shouldn't ever feel bad about boosting up your own content!

find yourself a good group of friends who will hype the hell out of you and your works! not only is it ridiculously nice to have a group of people who you can talk with about fandom stuff, and spitball ideas with, and discuss theories or headcanons with until they turn into something more, but it is also soooo incredible to have people that are in your corner and that will read anything you put out and who will then also reblog/retweet/rewhatever your fics too! even if you run in the same general circle, they're still going to have connections with other people that you won't, so if they help you out by reblogging your fic, then that spreads it even further than just your own followers. and like, in my experience, fandom friends will be some of the most ride or die, supportive people that will stop at nothing to hype you up to the highest point they possibly can, so like hang onto them as tight as you possibly can because they are just the absolute best things ever <3

create some sort of banner/moodboard/graphic to go with the fic i have not personally done this, just because i am usually far too impatient once i finish a fic and i just want to get it up asap lol, BUT. i know that there are fics i've seen that have totally eye catching banners or moodboards or things like that that the writers will attach to the beginning of the fic but also to their promo posts, and those absolutely will grab attention! like, someone will be scrolling through the tag and see the banner/moodboard/whatever you made and go woah, that's cool, what is this? and they'll check out your post and if it's something they decide they're into, then the fic itself too!

i'm trying to think if there's any other advice i could give you, but tbh these are the things i stick to doing the most with my own fics. hopefully that was at least a little bit helpful!! i wish you the absolute best of luck, though! trying to get engagement on writing can be very difficult, but it's really awesome that you're putting yourself out there no matter what and sharing something you've created! that's so special and you should be very proud of yourself for that!!

(also, if your fic is a steddie fic or another st pairing that i'm into and you want to drop me the link i would totally love to check it out!!)

#asks #anonymous #writing advice

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allexiaah · 3 years ago

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🐓 and🧵 for the cottage core ask

🐓: What is a comfort movie/show for you?

Man, this one's hard to answer simply because I don't watch a whole lot of shows or movies, lol. Definitely not frequently enough to call them comfort shows/movies.

I guess I'd have to say one of my favorites is Avatar: The Last Airbender, especially to rewatch. It's a fantastic show.

🧵: What is a recent creative project that you are proud of?

I don't share a lot of my stuff, huh? Most of it stays as unfinished and unpolished WIPs that I only really share with close tight-knit groups of friends, especially for writing. I guess if I had to pick, it'd be either this art of Claudette I did for a secret Santa in a discord server, or this art I did of Philip's blight skin back in October, if you can really call that recent, lol.

I very rarely make finished art, and I don't post the VERY little writing I do finish on tumblr, usually—that tends to stay in servers with friends. But now that I'm thinking about it, I'll put a little snippet of a drabble I did for fun under the cut, since I'm still quite proud of some of this still!

Claudette remembered vividly just how she felt as she crawled to the hook Dwight was struggling on, fear and frustration welling up in her chest and tears sliding down her cheeks as she tried to stifle her sobs. She could do nothing but helplessly watch as the friend she tried so desperately to save lost his bloody grip on the talon he was holding back, and, without missing a beat, ran itself through his stomach.

-—·—·—·—-

Dwight had been the only other person alive in that trial. Meg and Jake had died long before; it was hopeless from the beginning, but the weight of the fact only truly hit as she watched Dwight’s body fade away, pulled off of the hook and cradled by the Entity’s horrific claws before vanishing into the sky. The mere sight of a finished sacrifice was heavy, and made her heart sink into the pit of her stomach. Despite how hard she tried to save her friends, she had failed.

Claudette felt so hopeless, and so afraid, and she tried to pull herself to her feet and keep going, to look for the hatch, her one last chance of escape, but she could hardly crawl; the blood loss was getting to her. There would be no chance for her to survive, and she knew it—there would be no mercy offered to her. She would bleed out on the ground, cold and alone, or she would die just the same on a hook, and all she could do was wait for the axe to fall.

A wave of overwhelming emotions that she’d tried to keep at bay washed over her, and all Claudette could do in her fear and despair was tightly grab onto the little first aid kit that Dwight had dropped when he was hooked and curl up around it and sob.

-—·—·—·—-

Thank you so much for the ask! The interest makes me very happy—i like sharing my creative work and projects a lot more than I say, because I feel anxious about it often when I do, or when I want to, especially when it comes to my writing, which is what I've mostly been doing as of late. I always really like sharing the things I make and the things I like. Much love <3

#allex answers #ask #anon #seriously though anon tysm for giving me an excuse to share a snippet of this drabble as well as the other things again #that snippet is more of a rewrite of something i wrote a while back than its own thing? but it IS a recent project rewrite or not #im proud of it still #fun fact! that original segment was actually a cut part of my fic rewrite #i still find it very nice. just didn't fit nicely

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ashura-writes · 3 years ago

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About Me!

Learn all there is to know about me!

(as of currently)

My name is Ashura! I also go by Ash or Lunar, so take your pick! Any new nicknames are welcome as well.

I'm 18 years old.

I go by any pronouns, so again, take your pick!

I enjoy reading and writing grammatically correct fanficitions, as well as drawing!

Currently I'm really into the Dream SMP, so most (if not all) of my fics that I share here will be about that.

Boundaries!

Probably the most important thing here! I don't have many, but I ask that you respect them nonetheless!

I will not write for things that I do not have the best understanding of, or things that I am not properly educated on. My worst fear is to portray something wrong and potentially harming or misinformation others with my stories. Please ask if you have a specific request, and I will let you know if I am comfortable with writing for that topic.

I will not write sexually explicit/NSFW stories for ANY characters. Not only is it most likely out of the comfort zones for many of the content creators to have their characters sexualized, I can personally only see these characters interacting with the Reader in friendly lights. Please do not ask for any NSFW.

SFW/Fluff/Feel-good things are completely okay! My intent is to write these characters as if they have a really close friendship with the Reader, which can include cuddles, hand-holding, and general cute things. Flirting is alright as well! This is mostly inspired by my own IRL friendships.

On the topic of flirting, I am okay with SOME romantic things. Romantic and sexual are completely different things, after all, and my expertise in romance is probably my only defining quality haha! I am okay with writing about romantic relationships between the Reader and some characters of the SMP, NOT including minors. All minor relationships are STRICTLY platonic. Do not ask for romantic relationships with minors. I will not answer. If you wish to see a story about a romantic relationship between the Reader and an adult SMP character, just ask!

As for personal boundaries, I don't have many! I'm fine with a lot of things, including cursing/swearing. The only thing I will not tolerate towards me or anyone is derogatory remarks. If you don't like something, move on.

And because I can't think of anything else to add, let's move on to questions you probably don't have!

Q.《Why did you start this blog?》

A. As mentioned above, I really enjoy writing fanfictions. They are one of my escapes from the real world, as is the Dream SMP! I started reading some fics, headcannons, and imagines here and really enjoyed it! I thought, "Why not do the same? Share your stories with like-minded people," so I did!

One of my biggest inspirations for starting this blog was the fact that there was so little fanfics for the DSMP, at least in the friendship department. I aim to write stories that center around the characters of the SMP, their friendships and hardships, and to put the story in words that the members otherwise cannot express.

Q.《What will your stories be about?》

A. The Dream SMP, and all characters included! Most, if not all of the stories I write will be 'Reader Insert's, or 'x Reader's. This totally does not stem from my desire to be friends with everyone aha nope haha definitely not-

All stories will be about the characters that the streamers portray, NOT the content creators themselves. I personally feel a bit awkward writing for real people. I may try and change things up one day, but today is not that day!

Q.《How did you get into the Dream SMP?》

A. I got into the Dream SMP a few months ago after coming across many videos and posts talking about it, and began my journey by watching Wilbur Soot's videos and the story of the rise and fall of L'manburg. Ever since, I've been hooked, and I've come to really enjoy and look forward to new streams and videos!

Q.《Will your stories be inclusive? (Gender Identity, Sexuality, Race, etc.)》

A. Absolutely! None of my stories will leave anyone out, and I will strive to accurately portray anything and everything! The Reader in my stories will never have their gender, sexuality, or appearance explicitly stated, either in walls of text or in dialogue. To make everything the most inclusive, I will be using they/them pronouns when characters refer to the Reader. I tend to avoid the use of 'insert points', as I will call them, or things like 'Y/n', 'e/c', or 'h/c' to name a few. If necessary, I will use '(Name)' for the Reader, but otherwise dodge the use of other insert points unless it is useful to the story or needs to be explicitly mentioned.

Q.《Will you write for certain things if asked?》

A. Yes, I will, as long as none of it goes out of my boundaries!

Q.《How much knowledge of Dream SMP Lore do you have?》

A. Honestly, not much. I have gotten as far as Doomsday and Dream's imprisonment, but that is about it! Not to mention, all of my knowledge comes purely from Tubbo, Ranboo, Wilbur and Tommy's streams. I don't know much about Technoblade or Philza's lore as of this moment, or any one else's, but I plan to learn! Any requests that deal with these characters lore, I will do my best. Please don't be afraid to let me know if I mess something up! Help is always welcome.

Q.《Do you have other stories not on Tumblr that I can read?》

A. That I do! I have a story up on Archive Of Our Own under the title "Hearteater"! It is an Demon Slayer OC insert featuring my character Higurashi Shion! I am very proud of it, and I think you should check it out. Look for the user 'LunarPenguinChan' to find the story!

Q.《Is there any other social media I can contact you on?》

A. Yep! Discord, at Ashura#4903, or Twitter under the handle @ashura_penguin!

More to be added as I go! Please check back here frequently for updates. I really look forward to meeting and making friends with everyone! Don't be afraid to send me a DM or ask/request anything! I'm fired up and ready to show off my horrible writing skills! :D

#dream smp x reader #dsmp x reader #myct x reader

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dana-chan-the-control-brain · 4 years ago

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Happy new year everyone 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

I know 2020 has been hard for everyone.

And I want everyone to know, suffering isn't a contest and we all suffer in different ways. But I feel I should give my year in Review. Just some things that happened to me personally.

This was an intense, and long and spiritual and emotional journey for me...

I really discovered what it meant to have community, family and what my life means to me.

But I feel I need to get this in writing cause I can remember the year with vivid detail and I will probably forget if I don't get it down.

Do I have to share this publically online to my tumblr account for a bunch of strangers to see? not really.

Do I want to?

Yes. I think so. Just from how so many people on tumblr and real life have touched me.

This is kinda long and no one needs to read this.

(idk how to do a readmore on mobile. But this is where I would add it later. No one needs to read if they don't want to.)

January/February: (and some background on the last five years of my life cause.....well. it's important.)

As people knew, I got way into Invader Zim last summer. I spent most of my waking life working a dead end job at a grocery store. I lived a sad lonely life, going straight home to a single dark studio apartment. With not many material possessions outside of games, my laptop and my tablet to my name. Half of my material loves, such as home furnishings and books were still in boxes from when I moved in. In case I ever had to move again, or get some "big screenshot or copywriter" job in the city.

....

I lived in that city in the same dead end job and apartment for five years.

No friends. No social life. I often refused to make doctor appointments or attempt to establish myself in that city. I didn't even talk to anyone in my workplace.

Work. Go online. Go to sleep.

I lived like that for five years.

I thought it was good.

Even my therapist thought I was doing well.

When I really wasn't. My main character flaw I struggle with is motivation.

I can talk to someone about very detailed plans I have to fix a problem... But I tend to never follow through.

Just because I can describe in detail how to fix my personal problems, it doesn't mean I will do it.

(I have gotten better at this but it's a major struggle)

I might have been a Zombie during the day...

But by night I was pouring my soul into my AU and my analysis.

After being so thoughly ignored or overlooked by the Naruto fandom and the Undertale fandom, I felt like I had finally found my home and was settling into a community there.

I just loved that people loved what I had to say.

Especially my AU.

It's no secret that a lot of themes in my au revolve around found family, grief, and loss.......

Fatherhood, in particular.

What it means to be a father, how much do you need to try when you mess up, how willing should a child forgive their parent, especially those that have wronged you and how much of it is factually accurate and simply a self projection of what children want their parents to be and visa versa... What amount of forgiveness and change is nessasary...is it needed?

....

It's no secret that a lot of my AU is a giant coping mechanism for my Dad's death. Espessially the falling out and growing closer with a lot of my family members throughout the years following his death. (Most of the time I keep it ambiguous to how it relates to my personal life unless I include a readmore that states so outright. I feel my au can be enjoyed by a variety of people in the fandom who don't need to know me as a person or my life story.)

My Dad passed away in 2016 in February and my family still feels the aftershocks to this day.

It's part of the reason I moved to the city, alienated myself from my family and people that loved me and refused to experience life for five years.

My entire world was Zim, and I was okay.

March: When America finally realized and started to feel the effects of the pandemic....

A lot of people got scared.

Me included.

I didn't have any streaming services or access to the news. So I only heard accounts from my mom.

I didn't understand why the store was so dead quiet and empty for a few days, then it went into mass chaos and panic in the span of two days.

It felt like Retail black friday in the worst way. Everyone was packed like sardines. Everyone was yelling. The lines at the registers bled into the clothing department.

I was witness to customers shoving others for toilet paper, being rude to cashier's and just overall unpleasantness.

At the time, I didn't even fully grasp what the pandemic was, and I feel a lot of people at the time didn't either.

I ended up absentmindedly scratching my eyebrow in front of a customer and she screamed and villanised me for it. That they didn't want groceries touched by my "unclean hands"

I ended up breaking down into tears.

The customer behind me gave me a hug and told me I was doing a great job.

But the damage was done. It was the final straw, I couldn't stop crying and I was breaking apart.

Thankfully my Boss (the one who likes me) pulled me aside and asked what's wrong.

It was then that I quit. No notice. Same day. I had to get out of there.

I was planning to move to an apartment with my sister in the summer, but my Mom offered for me to move back in with her temperarily just so I can get out of the city and away from the pandemic.

So I did.

I got scared, broke my lease a month early and quit my job of five years that gave me nothing back.

He told me, "take care of yourself and your family, I won't keep you here, do what you need to do."

So I did.

April-June:

A very eventful few months.

My mom offered for me to live at her place, but for some reason she was acting like I would live there forever. That this wasn't a temporary arrangement, and that I didn't have an apartment set up already.

This was in large part to my sister, who had lived with my mom taking advantage of her for years.

Even though my sister and I were going to move in together, I was just never sure about it cause of how she never packed her stuff or made any effort to find a job.

My mom often acted like I was lazy and not searching and was treating me like... Well, an unruly teenager instead of a woman of 29 years. She acted like I was a failure for returning home when it was her idea in the first place.

I would have just been petrified in the city.

Like usual, I retreated to my au again.... And in the spring, something eventful happened.

In may, 8th 2020:

I was invited by @rissynicole to join an invader zim discord.

Now, I've never really used discord before. I always thought it's interface is too confusing.. and I'm a member of a few other iz discords and I usually don't follow them that closely.

Rissy assured me it was different cause some friends of thiers made it and it was smaller.

Before I knew it, I was sharing memes and getting to know everyone there.

It wasn't long after I invited my partner in IZ crimes, @paketdimensioncomic who was genuinely wary of iz servers due to a bad experience with the last one they were a part of.

But soon they were sharing memes and laughing with everyone else.

My eyes were starting to open and I was able to connect to fans of my work in an interpersonal way. And I was able to discover new artists and aus I never knew about.

I was also able to meet so many others of the community and invite them to the server myself.

The moo-ping 10 server kept me sane while I was living with my judgmental mother.

Not only that, the summer was very productive for my au.

Drawing was all I did, and it was a huge break from the job as a cashier I had.

Not only that, June came, and with it, me and Ceph's first collab fic:

A result of us just going back and forth in our DMs constantly about Professor Membrane and how he changed in ETF for the better and how much we adamantly stan "trying-to-be-a-good-dad-brane" and how much of his ETF development has to be implied off screen in order for the emotional resolution in the movie to matter.

The only reason I never professed my love for Membrane as a character in the fandom before the fic dropped was.... Well....

Membrane can be a decisive character in the fandom and I was so worried people would hate me if I did an analysis on him, simply because he's not the best parent in the world. (As an understatement)

Ceph and I really encouraged each other to scream our love for the science himbo loud and proud more frequently and so often.... I actually start to see less Membrane hate posts and breakdowns then their used to be.... I like to think it's a combination of Me and Ceph's influence, along with ETF and the Quarterly's painting Membrane in a slightly more nuanced light then he was previously.

I never wrote a collab fic before and it's such a rewarding and fun and unique experience that I don't think I'll ever have again. And I love working with Ceph on our fics so much.

So much so we did it again...

July-August:

I never thought I would be one of those people who writes NSFW IZ fic... But here I am.

The Brainbrane au started.... An au of my au where Membrane and the Computer fall in love and Membrane makes him a body.

This ship was based around the idea where we joked that Membrane and Zim's Computer would have funny interactions if they ever met, under the pretense Membrane thinks Computer is Zim's parent.

Our headcanons morphed and shifted until we just full blown started shipping them.

Just because Membrane and Zim's Computer have overall REALLY entertaining chemistry.

It's a character dynamic never seen in the show or comics (yet) and I imagine thier interactions to be nothing but entertaining banter.

The fic was also born from spite... Making fun of the troupes and cliches that we found personally destestible in some questionable zadr fics.

So an angry ace and a demi-bisexual collab on a porn and end up blessing the fandom with

Compapa headcanons,

Computer being recognized as a more common used fanon character,

The ship of Brainbrane.

The fandom having a crisis of "oh God, not only are we xenophiles we're technophiles too!!!" Or "why you gotta give Zim's Computer an ass"

More android Computer designs

It was an eventful summer.

In the midst of all this, I moved into my new place, got a new job, and I was able to see my friend (who is def my platonic straight soul mate) who lives in Indiana.

She came to visit, showed me how to decorate and how to take care of my body better! Things were looking up! It was great.

September-November:

My job was at a boat store. If was approaching the fall and my hours were being severely cut.

I was getting into a rut of depression again.

I thought things were changing but the same routine I was trying to escape from was the same thing coming back.

But instead of letting it take hold, I decided I was going to do something about it... I was gonna visit a museum and go with my sister. Just... variety stimulation.

Well that didn't happen.

I talked about this shortly in my au itself...but..

My sister had a complete mental breakdown.

She stopped taking her meds, went off the deep end and was in the hospital a total of five times throughout November.

A lot of it was acting out and the perfect storm of environmental factors that made her scream and act out so she would keep going back to the hospital.

It was traumatizing for me.

I just can't explain what it's like. For her and for me to be in that position.

I'm not telling the full story and a lot of bullshit things happened I won't share here.

She got diagnosed with bipolar one and my mom expected me to be a caretaker for her.

I threatened to disown my family and move away out of state.

It was just too much for me to handle.

So much I was a nervous wreck.

I tried to pick up a second job... Cause my sister was in the mental ward so frequently and couldn't pay the bills.

But I was fired within a week cause I was so stressed I couldn't retain the basic information they were training me for.

It was an office job.

My dream.

It could have been.

I was fired from something I really wanted.

I was only there for three days.

I could not retain any information.

I was a mess.

My sister was a trigger, my mom wanted me to live with her. I couldn't live like this.... I had to get out.

I had to get out.

December:

Remember my Indiana friend?

Well the first week of December is my birthday.

My 30th to be exact.

While I did pick up a seasonal position at Target (not my first pick)

I took the first week of December off so I could spend time with her. Cause she agreed, I needed a break from this crap.

Surviving 30 years is cause to celebrate and if I had to celebrate with my sister I would have cried.

I know there was a risk traveling out of state during a pandemic...

But I needed out, I needed a friend..

And I kinda wanted to look at the place since I was considering moving there.

My friend's mom was sick so she avoided me and her daughter and got us a hotel room.

It was fun! I got to swim in a salt water pool, we talked about Naruto, I showed her the iz and su art books I brought, also Computer and Membrane tea.

I also got to meet her other friends and get crunk. And her bf who is super nice and funny!

I had a super fun birthday....

Until her mom told my friend that her grandparents had covid and that was what she had. And my friend got sick within that same day.... As did I.

I owe so much to her family.

I was an entire state away...about a ten hour drive from home.... She let me stay at her house. "The covid house" we called it.

Cause everyone (except the father. He avoided everyone and booked a hotel immediately cus he was an ER doctor) had covid within a day.

I called in, the test results were positive and I had to stay with her family for ten days quarantine before I could work again.

Which would have been fine....

If my tumblr didn't log me out perminately of my old account. @dana-chan325 .... Which really sucked cause I had a constant headache and was too sick to engage with tumblr or much of the fandom. I didn't want to make a new account when my head was in a bad fog and I could barely breathe or smell.

It's not like I saw much of my friend either.... We all slept at different hours and she had more symptoms then I did.

It was just netflix, danganronpa v3 and cry.

I was miserable, but at the same time.... Not?

I really feel like God himself was the one who pulled me off from tumblr, and my living situation.

Maybe a whole extra week feeling like a bobblehead was what I needed.

It gave me some much needed clarity on my relationships with my mom and sis and friend.

Running away to Indiana was not the solution here.

Once I was better within ten days and no longer had a leave of absence, I drove home.

I am glad I fully recovered (but from how I understand it, my dear friend is still ill. I'm praying for her)

I might have gone to work a bit too soon, cause I had an asthma attack after trying to unload a single cart in the span of six hours.

My boss lectured that my speed was unacceptable, and even though I explained the covid situation and breathing problems many times, she threatened that I'd be fired if I'm that slow again.

Que the next few days of work where they put me on register.

Instantly I was sent into a panic remembering the last time I was on the register and how that panic attack caused me to quit.

I even asked if I could go back to stocking, since my breathing had improved. My boss assured me that I was put on the register cause they needed help and nothing to do with my covid thing.

Then as December concluded and the new year began, my boss said that this was the last shift for me cause my position was seasonal and they were letting a lot of people go.

I then asked why I was on the schedule for Sunday, and he told me to ignore it and I'm free to reapply for full-time.

I mean.... They can act smart about it...

But putting your general merchandise stocker onto register after she had an asthma attack and missed working the first two weeks of December due to covid.....

Not a good look.

So once again, I'm jobless once more.

Will probably continue to live with my sister for awhile.

But I do not feel as if it's a bad thing....

I met so many good people this year....

My friend's family even gave me 500 usd to cover my rent since I couldn't work for a majority of December.

I've seen evil and good from humanity this year. I've seen acts of god, good friends and what my real family means to me as well as friends I consider family.

This year really made me look back at the person in the mirror and say,

"I deserve better."

And actually worked for it this time.

Oh and after Christmas I got a horrible yeast infection that burns over most of my body currently.

Very accurate doodle to the pain I'm in right now.

(seriously my body is a fungus.)

But hey, good news, I respected myself enough to go to the doctor about it!!

So that's progress.

I really hope 2021 holds good things for me.

Thank you to the mooping 10 server for always being there and keeping me sane,

Thank you tumblr for liking my au and everything.

AND A SUPER SPECIAL THANK YOU TO @evartandadam and her family for housing me and my dumb diseased ass. Everyone, she is an angel and I can't express how much she means to me. Please check out her art and buy her stuff on redbubble.

Anyways... Byebye 2020.

I look forward to what I can accomplish for myself this year.

#danachan's posts #personal stuff #new year post #tw: covid #tw: yeast infection

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levis-hazelnut · 3 years ago

Note

This is a vent.

You can do what you want with this post but please do read the part from where your name starts in bold and pink.

I have decided it's okay for me to type my thoughts out here In tumblr. Safer than my journal at least lol

So I'm doing okay but I also feel like shit for the past few days lol. To the point where I cried myself to sleep. Ever felt like crying badly but the tears won't come out but you can't even act frustrated? Yeah that too.

I'll be honest. I changed schools so now I have about 3 supportive friends but we haven't interacted much.

My friends from my previous school are really very cool and supportive and it is because of them, I had a thought of exploring me and thinking about my sexuality and everything.

I have a lot of friendship problems. Im kinda losing touch with My friends from the previous school and i saw it coming almost 1 years ago. But I still talk to them bc I like them. I have been betrayed and neglected and taken for granted by loads of people who were my friends. We're still in touch but there is a disconnection.

I really considered them my friends. I trusted them. I was looking for a special bond with them. But it never happened. Half of them betrayed and verbally bullied me. Some of them strayed away. Some were Influenced by other bullies. Some took me for granted.

I'm awkward at voicing out my true feelings. I wanted them to know through my actions how much they meant to me, how I bragged about how nice they were, how I loved it when we went on little adventures and screamed and laughed. But they just had to go away.

My one and only lovely best friend moved away and now we live about 2000 kms apart but we still talk and she supports me (and simple for me lol) and she is kinda like one of the top reasons I'm sane rn. I'm very grateful to have her.She sometimes visits my blog through Google and reads my fics.

I've been having depressive episodes since last year. It's definitely better than last year bc back then, I used to cry in secret like- every single day. Including my birthday. I've actually kinda mastered the art of masking my feelings.

On top of that I have family problems. My dad is not really emotionally present. I hate to say this but my mom kinda victimizes herself. Evertime they have fights, I hear and notice this. It pisses me off but the points they make about themselves make sense. Eventually they make up and they sat down and made me under stand that nothing is gonna happen but it mentally affects me a lot.

Believe me when I say that I love my parents. But I'm growing distant. On top of that there is some toxic advice and they are homophobic oof.

I know there are millions of people with more worse conditions than mine and when I think about this, I get sad and start to invalidate my feelings but with the help of some motivational people, I understand that my problems are valid and I'm allowed to feel sad. At this point I'm like my own supporter. I'm proud of it.

Every time I see jean, I relate to him a lot. Putting a strong front for others but your terrified inside. (Also thighs mm)

So Hazel. Listen to me

When I found out of tumblr and fanfics, I was overjoyed. I spend weeks reading comfort fics by many different authors including yours and it made me feel safe.

I finally decided to make an account and follow people. I mostly interacted with you. There are so many blogs and moots that I follow now, and now I'm not shy or scared to interact with them.

You know why? Because of you.

It is from your blog I first felt like I could feel safe. I never felt weird about going in your inbox more than once. Everytime you responded I felt butterflies. After that when you followed me back, I actually almost cried. Every single time I saw you in my dash, inbox or responding to me, or just interacting with your fellow moots, I felt happy.

And after that I met amber, izzy, and so many cool moots. If we ever met In real love I wouldn't hesitate to give you a big hug and thank you.

Hazel baby when I say I love you, I fucking mean it.

I love you. I love you so much

I love all of my moots, and people who I interact with every day. I found so many supportive people and people from the lgbtq and people who share the same thoughts here.

Thank you for being you.

I hope you never forget how much I admire you. I'm almost tearing up as I write this. All of you guys give me so much motivation to move forward in my life.

himani please the way you had me crying because of this i love you so so so much i cant stress it enough

(imma put a read more cos this got kinda long lol)

im so happy that you found a safe space and you feel comfortable enough to tell me all of this too. you have me on discord as well and i'd always be happy to listen to you if you need to talk or just to simply simp over 2d people lmao

and im so sorry that you've been feeling terrible, it honestly breaks my heart and i wish there was something i could do. i'd hold you and be there to fight everyone for you if i could. if those friends dont keep in touch with you, they'll be missing out and they'd be losing such a precious and amazing person. but once you lose something you always gain something - thats something i've realised so you will find the right people that will stick by you for a very long time ❤❤ i'm so glad you have your best friend there to support you and sticking by you because even when you feel like everything's just going to shit i know they'd be there for you and im happy about that

your feelings are completely valid and im glad you realised that. just know that im always going to be here too to support you and to just be there for you whenever you need it

bye the way you have my heart himani, it makes me so happy that you feel safe here and that you never felt weird about interacting with me. please you give me butterflies all the time, how could i not follow a beautiful person like you. honestly the same goes to you - i love seeing you on my dash and i love seeing you have a great time and interacting with people especially with my moots it makes me so happy i cant describe it 😭

if we ever meet im not letting you leave my side, you're gonna permanently be in my arms

i love you so much more i wish there was a way i could show just how much... im glad you found people you love and those that support you and that give you motivation. and im always going to be here to support you and for anything else you need

thank you for being comfortable enough to talk to me and to share this. you're an amazing person never doubt that 🥺🥰💖

#himani 💗#i simp for you #hazel's angels #shes a certified hazel simp 😌😏#things like this are the reason im still using tumblr #the way i had literal tears #i love you so fucking much himani #lets get married

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ajokeformur-ray · 4 years ago

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Hello love,

You say that anyone can vent to you? Somehow you seem like someone who might understand me or at least wouldn't judge me, so I'll try to put my thoughts into words - a great challenge for me. It's not like I'm openly judged by others, at least not anymore, but it's like I feel that they have something to say. Sometimes I have this heavy feeling which I cannot really describe - it's like I can't breath right, like there is a weight constricting my air lungs. After a lot of time, I've found some type of escape for it; music. I love music with my whole heart and when I put it on it's like I remember how to breathe again. But still, I'm so tired of this feeling. I don't want to think the whole time, to feel everything so much, to feel this alone. I have very little family and no friends, never really had. I totally understand why I have no friends, it's probably better this way. I have way too much problems for anyone to bear. I'm totally broken. For example, I have a very low self-esteem, a sun allergy and I'm totally poor and I suffer from my autism, depression and social anxiety and, because that isn't enough, I have a very bright and active mind with thoughts and opinions that very little people do understad, let alone share, and I'm always wearing black. As you can see, I'm a very complex and paradox person. I would love to talk with someone for hours, to share my thoughts, fears, dreams and anything in-between, but I'm nearly unable to talk with someone face to face (the things I have in mind and want to share are just not coming out of my mouth the right way I want them to and it always makes me look like a complete idiot). I'm so nervous around others that it's hard for me to concentrate and I'm constantly stumbling while I walk, which annoys me greatly - there's not even an ounce of elegance in me. I have absolutely no idea how to interact with people, just the thought of trying to decently introduce myself scares me endlessly. My self esteem is so low that I mostly think that I'm just not worthy of love, that there is nothing lovable about me - only problems - that the effort that is needed to build a friendship or even more isn't worth the effort. I can never do something with anyone, because I never have money for these kind of activities. I've lost all of my (fake) friends and any possible friend nowdays in the summer when everyone goes out and experiences something while I have to stay inside the whole time. I have such a big heart and a very kind soul, open and accepting for anything and anyone (no matter who they are, where they come from, what they have done, what they believe in and anything else you can think of), but nobody knows that because I'm hardly speaking around others. I'm normally a very potitive human, who sees beauty and goodness in everyone. I especially love animals! If I could, I would adopt them all and show them the love and passion they deserve. I'm also neither intelligent, beautiful or funny, just boring, lazy and complicated with a darkness that most people cannot accept. But please don't understand me wrong! Even though I have all this negative traits, I wouldn't even think about changing myself for anyone, NEVER. I know that I'm not a person people enjoy or like to be around, but I know that I probably have a heart more kind and open than any of theirs. I just fear that I'll always be alone. That there will never be someone with whom I can share my thoughts, with whom I can listen to the calming rain, with whom I can play my favourite music and movies, who is there to hug and cuddle with me, who understands the gibberish that comes out of my mouth, someone who understands how hard it can be for me to maintain contact, who's not annoyed when I didn't get a joke or social que, who somehow breaks my walls down and accepts and loves me for who I am- the darkness and the light.

I have so, so, so, SO much more to say and vent about, but I think this message is long enough with enough self-centered thoughts and I really don't want to bother or burden you with even more! Each of my named problems I could describe even more detailed and I'm sure I have forgotten half the things I wanted to write when I started this message and more things I haven't thought about.

Oh, my love.💜

I read your vent over multiple times and my heart is bleeding for you. I don’t know if you’re looking for a response, but even so I’m going to respond to everything one paragraph at a time and it’s up to you if you want to read it or not ksksksk. I took the liberty of breaking it all up into chunks so that I could respond to everything properly. I hope that that’s okay!💙

Anyone can vent to me, yes! Even if I all I can do is to listen to the person and to validate them and their feelings, that’s better than people sitting with unexpressed feelings. I’m always here for people as much as I’m able to be; Chuckletown’s important to me asdfghjkl.🥺💗

Also, if you would like for this post to be deleted then please let me know and it’ll be done without question.

----

It's not like I'm openly judged by others, at least not anymore, but it's like I feel that they have something to say. Sometimes I have this heavy feeling which I cannot really describe - it's like I can't breath right, like there is a weight constricting my air lungs. After a lot of time, I've found some type of escape for it; music. I love music with my whole heart and when I put it on it's like I remember how to breathe again. But still, I'm so tired of this feeling. I don't want to think the whole time, to feel everything so much, to feel this alone. I have very little family and no friends, never really had. I totally understand why I have no friends, it's probably better this way. I have way too much problems for anyone to bear. I'm totally broken.

I’m so proud of you, not only for putting your thoughts into words, but also for venting to me! Anonymous or not, it’s incredibly brave to open up, especially to the degree that you have. I hope that something here offers you some kind of comfort, darling!💗 I’m so sorry that sometimes you have an indescribable weight in your chest sometimes; I can definitely relate to and empathise with you. It’s a sickly feeling and I’ve never really figured out a way for me to battle it, when I experience it. I usually just endure it, and you’ve done amazingly to find something which helps you to breathe again! Music is a wonderful way to cope with it, because it says that which words can’t and it’s definitely one of the healthiest ways to deal with this feeling, which I know is a common symptom of anxiety and/or depression. I’m so sorry that you’ve suffered so deeply for so long, darling.😔 No one deserves to feel this way. Take it all even a day at a time, my love, and keep your favourite songs close by. I can relate to how you feel, and my heart’s bleeding for you. Everything you’re feeling is valid and I hope that in time you find the inner peace and closure which you deserve. I’m so sorry that you feel so alone, darling; everyone deserves to have connections, friends and family who care about them. If you’re a hug person, I would like to send you many digital hugs!🤗🤗🤗 If you’re not a hug person, then I would like to send you respectable head nods or any other form of acceptable affection omg nonnie you don’t deserve any of this.😭

Oh, honey. You are worthy of and deserving of friends and of the things which you most want in your life and I dearly hope that those things and people find you soon. A problem shared is a problem halved and I’m sending you so much love and strength. I want you to know that I am always here for you; you can stay anonymous and chat to me like this, or you can DM me or I can give you my Discord if you would rather. I am here for you, if you would like for me to be. I’m worried about you and I’m thinking of you and I’m so sorry that it took me just under a day to respond to this.😔I wanted to give you proper fleshed out responses to every paragraph.💝

For example, I have a very low self-esteem, a sun allergy and I'm totally poor and I suffer from my autism, depression and social anxiety and, because that isn't enough, I have a very bright and active mind with thoughts and opinions that very little people do understad, let alone share, and I'm always wearing black. As you can see, I'm a very complex and paradox person. I would love to talk with someone for hours, to share my thoughts, fears, dreams and anything in-between, but I'm nearly unable to talk with someone face to face (the things I have in mind and want to share are just not coming out of my mouth the right way I want them to and it always makes me look like a complete idiot). I'm so nervous around others that it's hard for me to concentrate and I'm constantly stumbling while I walk, which annoys me greatly - there's not even an ounce of elegance in me. I have absolutely no idea how to interact with people, just the thought of trying to decently introduce myself scares me endlessly.

I’m so sorry that you have such low self-esteem. I can definitely relate to and empathise with you; I’ve never been especially confident or fond of myself, so I understand. You suffer so deeply and you are incredibly strong to be able to get through everything which you think, feel and experience. My heart is *bleeding* for you but I’m also very proud of you. You are definitely a complex person and I’m sure that you have many interesting thoughts and opinions (which I would love to hear if you’re comfortable with sharing them!). You deserve to be heard and to have all of those long and deep conversations and I’m so sorry that talking face-to-face makes it difficult to articulate yourself.😔 I experience the same trouble in face-to-face interactions and I truly sound like an idiot sometimes when I try to speak. I’m not, and my thoughts are usually quite long-winded, but it just doesn’t translate well between my brain and my mouth. I understand, darling, and I’m so sorry that you can’t necessarily have verbal conversations. Being who you are will always be enough for the right people; you are a thousand times enough. I’m so sorry that you have so many fears, angel. You deserve so much more than all of this.💛

My self esteem is so low that I mostly think that I'm just not worthy of love, that there is nothing lovable about me - only problems - that the effort that is needed to build a friendship or even more isn't worth the effort. I can never do something with anyone, because I never have money for these kind of activities. I've lost all of my (fake) friends and any possible friend nowdays in the summer when everyone goes out and experiences something while I have to stay inside the whole time. I have such a big heart and a very kind soul, open and accepting for anything and anyone (no matter who they are, where they come from, what they have done, what they believe in and anything else you can think of), but nobody knows that because I'm hardly speaking around others. I'm normally a very potitive human, who sees beauty and goodness in everyone. I especially love animals! If I could, I would adopt them all and show them the love and passion they deserve.

Just as you are, you are worthy and deserving of love. There is nothing you could ever say or do which would change that face. You exist and that means that you are worthy and I’m so sorry that your self-esteem is so low.😔 You are not your problems; they do not define you and you deserve so much more than your mind is telling you, though of course you are valid in every way!💖 I’m so sorry that you’re unable to do activities with friends or others in the summer; I have no irl friends either so I definitely understand how isolating and/or disheartening this experience can be. You’re such a beautiful soul and you deserve everything you want! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise (including you, though I know it’s easier said than believed!) 💚 You truly are incredible and I’m so, so proud of you. I’m in awe of your strength and I’m sending lots of love your way! As I said, darling, if you would like to be friends then please know that you are more than welcome to reach out to me (or I can reach out to you if you would prefer - just let me know somehow). You are always enough, and you matter, angel. You matter and you are worthy of friendship and of love.

I'm also neither intelligent, beautiful or funny, just boring, lazy and complicated with a darkness that most people cannot accept. But please don't understand me wrong! Even though I have all this negative traits, I wouldn't even think about changing myself for anyone, NEVER. I know that I'm not a person people enjoy or like to be around, but I know that I probably have a heart more kind and open than any of theirs. I just fear that I'll always be alone. That there will never be someone with whom I can share my thoughts, with whom I can listen to the calming rain, with whom I can play my favourite music and movies, who is there to hug and cuddle with me, who understands the gibberish that comes out of my mouth, someone who understands how hard it can be for me to maintain contact, who's not annoyed when I didn't get a joke or social que, who somehow breaks my walls down and accepts and loves me for who I am- the darkness and the light.

Oh, darling.😔 Honey, you are all of those good things and I’m so sorry that you believe the opposite, though once again you are so valid and I completely understand. My heart’s breaking for you.😔 YES WE STAN!!!! I’m so proud of you for not compromising upon yourself or who you are for anyone. That is wisdom and strength and bravery - you are more than you know!🥰 Nonnie, I’m so so proud of you!!!! I’m so sorry that you fear you’ll always be alone. Life is bigger, madder and stranger than you know and I just know that this isn’t it for you. There’s more out there for you and your time will come, I absolutely promise! Already, by venting to me, you have taken a massive first step and I can only hope that bigger and better finds you soon! I sincerely hope that you find this person to do all of these wonderful things with you! Very young, I had to learn to be my own best friend so I never really experience loneliness; I’ve learned to be happy with being alone in my room all the time, and it was never ideal but it was something I had to learn. I’ve been a solitary one for a long time, but I know that for other people it isn’t necessarily possible to learn to be content with one’s own company, and I dearly hope that you can find this person soon! You deserve everything you need and want and you are worthy of and deserving of love and friendship!💙💙💙💙 The darkness and the light can and do co-exist and I am truly so proud of you for being so tender-hearted and wise and I want you to know that you are extremely valid and always enough.

My love, you can absolutely vent to me some more if you would like to! You deserve a space in which to do so and I’ll listen to you if you would like to talk to me - you are not a bother or a burden and I really... I won’t say I enjoyed answering this ask, because that’s the wrong sentiment, but I certainly was willing to put in the effort. I care about you, nonnie, and I want you to know that I’m here for you if you would like for me to be!🧡 You deserve so much more than all of this and my heart is breaking for you. I’m so, so proud of you for reaching out to me, and I’m sending you love, strength and everything good in the world - you deserve it all and more!😊💛

#nonnie

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