#I've been saying all these months that “this thesis is not important. I don't want a party I don't want people to go to the celebration.”

[girlpetrarca]

What do you mean you're going to belittle my entire university experience after I've been downplaying this thing for months?

[noneorother]

The grand unified theory of Good Omens S2, Hangs on a double meaning - Answering why .5 + .5 = 25 lazerii *The end?*

Part 1 l Part 2 l Part 3 l Part 4 l Part 5 l The end?

Welcome to the end of the Bonkers Meta Series featuring your favourite Art Director/Clue detective. This is it! I'm going to wrap up this series as well as I can with what I think really happened, the final 15 and why Crowley says the things he says. Meta, Spoilers, Beware! All that. “Armageddon only happens once, you know. They don't let you go around again until you get it right.” 

If you've read my Metatron post you'll know that I thought there were *at least* two time loops with tweaks to achieve different outcomes, seeing as we seemed to be presented with two versions of events a lot of the time, two similar lines of dialogue, double meanings for lines etc etc. If you want a really good recap of a lot of the Clues that have already been compiled already you can go through them here. Yesterday I added my own : The columns in front of the bookshop get stained by a demon, and the stain stays and goes. But why do we care?

Here's my final thesis using the context I'll put together below :

The Metatron is changing the past and the present on earth using the book of life. He's forced a time loop of the last few days at least 50 times over a period of (realtime) months to get the outcome he wants : the separation of Aziraphale and Crowley to allow him to complete the second coming. It only worked once. Let me explain.

1) Not time skips, but stitched loops

My theory about the columns goes like this : a demon touches the right column in the attack on the bookshop, and dirties it. The problem is, in every episode we get multiple versions of the column that are dirtier or cleaner. Why? Because a demon has been touching that column in *more or less* the same place and getting it dirty over time, but the effects on the bookshop only layer every loop and reset, instead of being erased. The layering aspect is super important and I'll get back to it. For now, if we take it that the column gets dirtier over many loops, we now know what we are seeing : a bunch of different time loops stitched together to create a sense of time moving forward in a way that we can understand the story, but that skip forward and backward through the loops. Cleaner column = earlier loop. Here's discussion about clock hands if you want evidence, some even saying the hour hand seems to be going backwards in the first episode or the last, or even that the minute and hour hands must be backwards to make sense. If we think of time skipping ever forward and actions getting deleted (as some have said), then clocks going backwards makes no sense. But if we think about it as a time loop where things and actions are ever being tweaked and changed, then OF COURSE the times won't make sense anymore. People don't show up at the same time if they don't do the same thing they did before. The biggest time discrepancies I've seen in a single scene are A) Crowley's phone and watch being an hour apart in S2E1 and B) Inside the bookshop between Gabriel's fly flashback in S2E6 and him and Beez holding hands, there's an hour difference on the clock. I think that by the time we get to very late loops, some things are happening up to an hour later in the day. A simple example we are shown up top is the Eccles cakes. They are there in the first part of S2E1, but then they are no longer there somewhere along the way. In the first loop we see an ordering action/receiving Eccles cakes action, which takes *longer* than just not doing that and going straight to the shop, so that loop will be slightly later. It gets infinitely more complicated the more loops you are looking at, and we have at least 50 of them. How do I know that?

2) A 25 lazerii miracle

If we know that effects on the bookshop are cumulative and don't reset (because columns), then let's try this idea on for size : Aziraphale and Crowley have been performing the same half miracles on the same spot for 50+* loops, and each times they are layering and getting stronger. .5 demon + .5 angel = .5 angelic miracle x 50*ish loops = 25 lazerii miracle goes off in heaven on the latest loop. Shax then confronts Crowley in his car about a mighty miracle, so we're in a loop here where we've layered quite a lot, but not the last loop because he still has the original glasses/ *but also* Crowley's sideburns are long. Compare it to the scene directly after, and how sunny and bright it is. We're in a later loop and and earlier loop simultaneously.

3) Crowley's been testing So I've been searching for a *reason* that Crowley wears a turtleneck in S2E2 and thren new glasses and changes sideburns, and he seems to be up to some pretty crafty spy stuff, seeing as 1) he seems thrilled by it, and 2) he won't shut up about it (How will our hero cope? Jane Austen, nasty piece of work, master spy) There's also this Clue :

Crowley has a secret, as we know everyone with their hands deliberately in their pocket does in the series. I think Crowley knows before Aziraphale that something is wrong, because he's getting little snippets of memory and feeling, and so he's going off to try and change things about himself, the Bentley and the shop to remind himself in the next loop and leave himself clues or change outcomes if he fails to escape. In the early loops it seems like a fun spy mission, but by the end he's pretty tired and jaded that he doesn't seem to be making any headway on his own.

It *also* explains him throwing books and canapés on the floor in the bookshop to see if it changes in other versions. The problem being that Gabriel keeps cleaning everything up and reorganizing the titles to Crowley can't tell if it's his system or not. (lolsob)

It makes this line seem like he can't fit the loop pieces together anymore, and is trying to make headway without any information, rather than a pre-fall reference.

And this line probably much later in the loops (New sunglasses, long sideburns) :

Okay so! To recap : Everyone gets reset every time, and they make different choices because of past and present edits. But, most heavenly and hellish things don't obey earth laws, and therefore things like miracles start layering, and memories start seeping through the loops. (Point 4 is optional but absolutely hilarious, so I'd like to think it's worth speculating about)

4. The flaw in The Metatron's plan

There's a huge flaw in The Metatron's plan however, and it's that Heaven and Hell don't work like earth does. He's spent so many loops trying to get the result he wants, that he doesn't know that something crazy is *also* happening in hell. Every loop, Shax is emptying out the legions of demons until they barely have enough low level lackeys to go up at all. Hell is understaffed because no new people come into hell in the loop from earth, and they're sending all the demons that aren't subject to the reset into battle. This isn't a negotiation, it's a montage.

So the attack on the bookshop isn't one attack, but waves, and the waves get less powerful each loop. Stitched loops would also explain why Shax now hands Crowley his mail again in the last attack after *just* handing it to him on the park bench, like, 4 days ago in an earlier loop.

I don't have evidence for this directly, but if The Metatron put Maggie together with Nina successfully only in the last few loops, then she's fighting in the bookshop only a few times, and doesn't invite the demons in any other times, which might be why the only evidence is the column, and not books being ruined. But, it might also explain why the demon Eric gets discorporated a bunch of times in a row, he's doing it later and later in each loop. (These are kind of contradictory thoughts, I know.)

5. Aziraphale realizes too late. When I wrote part 4 of this series I was pretty awed by the fact that Aziraphale managed to figure out the Metatron was rewriting things after only hearing him say ONE LINE of dialogue. However after more thought, I think that he's been getting close to the truth a bunch of times by communicating with Crowley in previous loops. In each successive loop he tells Crowley later and later, and it's been getting them reset as punishment each time they figure it out together. By the end they barely communicate at all, because they can feel the danger. Watch his reaction here, in what we can assume is a *very late or last loop (because of the time on the clock)*

He stops himself from interrupting and telling Crowley something important he's just realized : that he's seen Gabriel and Beez get together before. "I know what this means..." 6. Saraqael is helping both sides without them knowing We see Saraquael helping Crowley immediately with the trial when she finds him in heaven. Why would she help Crowley without having ever met him before as a demon? The exchange of "Crowley I remember you, we worked on the Hosehead nebula together" and "I meet a lot of people, (*he doesn't say* I don't remember you)" is a code. They are both trying to communicate what they remember like spies on a bench in St.James park. Who recognizes who, who's trying to stop this madness. Maybe once Crowley gets to heaven this time he's seen multiple trials with multiple endings, and Saraquael has seen them too, I don't really know. BUT she's also communicating with Aziraphale at one point. Look at Saraqael in this scene again about the 25 lazerii miracle. She *remembers the book slap* and then the *looks* at Aziraphale in regards to Gabriel.

Yeah Gabriel, IT NEVER F*&?%ING WORKS IN ANY LOOP SO STOP DOING IT. - Saraquel, probably. Are Saraqael and Aziraphale testing later/earlier in the loops as well? Is this when the miracle was weaker? Who knows! 7. The Metatron job offer was many, many offers

It's really hard to tell with all the pieces of the puzzle moving around, but I think I can count 7 job refusal loops by Aziraphale in the last fifteen minutes. Here's a summary 1) Chinwag with Crowley in the room 2) We should go for a walk instead, here's a coffee 3) You don't have to answer immediately 4) Go tell you friend the good news (This is the important one), it's the last one where he tries to convince Crowley to come with him 5) I need to take care of my bookshop 6) The Metatron puts Muriel in charge of the bookshop, but Aziraphale wants to take something with him 7) Aziraphale straight up runs out to Crowley with "I think I-" 4, again) The Metatron takes him out of the bookshop. "Ready to start"?

Trying to screenshot all that would be insane, so just go rewatch it with all this in mind, and look at how the lighting changes inside of the bookshop and the jump cuts to different angles, and how his face resets every time. It's HEARTBREAKING. 8. The argument

I'm so blown away by the acting and writing (as well as the art direction) in this show, and it all comes to a head in the final argument. Many important lines have double meanings in series 2, because everyone is trying to speak in secret code to not get caught. Especially in the final loops.

In the last loops, we have an Aziraphale who is moving ever closer towards accepting the Metatron's offer, with the straw that broke the camel's back being he could restore Crowley as an angel**/save him; and Crowley who is moving ever farther away, by having to hide all of his Clue gathering, and confiding less and less to Aziraphale in each loop.

Check out the double meanings going on in this whole exchange if you consider that they are trying to save each other using secret codes neither one of them can hear. It's so shattering. Especially when you consider they've probably made it to this argument at least twice, and Crowley convinced him the first time. Why do I say that, you ask? 9. No Nightingales

Because I think Crowley remembers a loop where A Nightingale Sang was playing when they kissed, and Aziraphael didn't leave, but he knows they aren't in that version anymore. 10) I'm a demon, I lied. I'll probably post more abut the secondary characters because Shax, Furfur, Michael, Uriel and Nina etc all have roles to play, but for now, this is it.

----------------------------------------- Thanks so much for reading the gigantic post. If you disagree with my thoughts, or think this is terribly wrong, that's totally fine! I won't be offended. Without a real season 3, everything is just ether. Fingers crossed. I'd also like to thank The Ineffable Detective Agency, @embracing-the-ineffable, @cobragardens, @indigovigilance, @yowlthinks and more for inspiring me and feeding my brain with posts. *Loop numbers could actually be 25+ if you think that .5 demon mircales + .5 angelic miracles pour register as 1 whole miracle in heaven, I just didn't want to go into that in the main review. **The Metatron's meddling in the past seems to me trying very much to highlight to Aziraphale how *good* and righteous Crowley is, despite being a demon, in order to convince Aziraphale that joining him in heaven is a real possibility, and he should push for it.

[patissonthepumpkin]

I am actually so glad that there's always something every day that teaches me compassion and kindness and acceptance over and over again.

I wasn't ever a big fan of Harry Potter series. I know quite a lot about it - being huge fantasy fan and all - but I never quite wrapped my head in the community. The tribute to Alan Rickman (aka Snape) as hundreds and hundreds of people around the world raising their lumos in unison amazed me to some extend, but you know, never quite touched something in my soul.

And then in my life recently appered the Minecraft game. Fashionably late, I'd say, but none that matters. I am terrible at this game, not very informed of the drama and history and key influencer people here. But it touched my heart and everything else is not that much important, right?

And recently I discovered that in two months there will be 2 years anniversary to the death of one, as it turns out later, very important for Minecraft YT segment contentmaker.

Technoblade.

And now I'm here, sitting with unfinished bachelor thesis paper few days before the deadline, crying over sentimental videos from streamers and gamers honouring the dude I've known about for exactly 2 days. I'm sobbing, and filled with sadness and thinking: Why the hell am I so involved?

He was only 23 then. In a few months I will be older than he will ever be. And he could have been my childhood nostalgia.

And it honestly amazes me how someone's death could be so influencial to those who didn't exactly know him and how much about the human could say the people who don't talk directly about him. And that vibes exist and even when something wasn't your experience - you can and will be able to feel it too. And honour it. And it is real.

This is essentially a very long post to the thought "never disregard someone's pain" and maybe "nothing wrong with being sentimental over what earned your love".

Wanted to share it with anyone who'd like to read it.

And you know. Just correcting myself here:

Technoblade never dies.

[pixies-and-poets]

It was a good attempt

Hey friends. I've had something eating away at me for a while now; I was going to give it a bit more time, but the anxiety around not talking about this is getting to me, so I'll just be direct.

I'm leaving tumblr (sort of).

Without being too melodramatic about this: I've had a lot of complicated thoughts about social media, fandom, the internet in general, being an artist/streamer online, and a bunch of related stuff over the past few years. It's always hard to sort out these thoughts properly, and even harder to talk about them, because I don't want anyone to attack me or assume I'm treating my personal experiences as universal, or belittling something that's important and meaningful to them. I will say I firmly believe that for many people, the modern internet is more harmful to mental health than we're all willing to admit. But I also know it's a great source of connection and friendship where I've met some of the people I love most. If I had a more solid black-and-white conviction or thesis about these complexities, I wouldn't be struggling so constantly to make sense of it all, and the internet's place in my life.

That said, the evidence of my own life points to the fact that the less "online" I am (at this point in my existence), the happier I am. That the remaining sources of self-loathing depression in my life are almost entirely triggered by the internet. That social media is a disaster for my OCD. For many months, I was hoping tumblr would be different. It's not. Realizing that the same old problems I have were just going to resurface here again was a painful process, one I kept denying.

I thought I'd be fine if I only checked in once or twice a day, but the more I do that, the more I find it hard to get myself to check in at all. Because when I do, I feel like I just can't keep up with everything anymore. I don't feel like a part of anything, I don't feel wanted or needed, and it just exacerbates my problems.

But I'm not going to disappear completely. I'll still pop in from time to time and answer any asks, and maybe post doodles. My art account @altermentality will still be active, when I have something worth posting.

You can still find me on twitter for now, and bluesky, but my presence of being truly "active" socially online will be limited to:

Discord- because I enjoy the few smaller, private-ish servers I'm in, and it's my hub for keeping in touch with people one-on-one.

Twitch - At this point in my life, I still greatly enjoy streaming, although my capacity to do it reliably varies. I also love the communities I'm in that I've developed with other streamers.

I'm altermentality on all the places mentioned above. If you'd like to keep in touch, please reach out.

My queue will run until it runs out.

It's been fun and I wish you all the best. Be well.

[astrophileous]

HI GUYS IMPORTANT PSA

I will be taking a short (long) break until next month. I didn't want to do this initially but as many of you know, I've been working on my thesis for some time and I'm hoping to be able to graduate by January. However, I just received word from my department saying that in order to do that, I will have to complete my thesis defense by mid-December. I'm running against time right now to catch this deadline and unfortunately, I don't think I can do that while running this blog :( I know I promised that my celebration would last for the entire month of November, so I will still be opening requests until the end of the month as originally planned, I just won't be getting around to any of them for a while. I sincerely apologize to everyone whose request is currently still sitting in my inbox. I'm not abandoning them, don't worry!! I will start writing again as soon as I'm done with uni and I'll get back to your requests asap. With that said, I'm still gonna be active once in awhile to check my messages or notifications if anyone still wants to interact xx I'm sorry again for the inconvenience guyss but I hope you can understand ❤️ I love you all 🥺🥺🥺✨️✨️✨️✨️

[that-wizard-oki]

How did you start doing jobs for kingsisle?? I'm trying to break into the industry as an artist, and I have no clue how to approach potential employers, even just for commissions 😭😭

Hey! So I actually work full time with KingsIsle as a character animator- my job year round is to make pets, mounts, mobs, npc's move :D

How I got started here is kind of a wild story. I had been wanting to reach out to KI about possibly interning with them post-graduation- I had a few people I semi knew at the company, and knew I'd have a good portfolio piece to show them from my senior thesis project. However, three days before graduation, a friend from KI msg'ed me that KI was doing summer internships, and asked if I was interested. I spent the next 3 days building my portfolio website/resume & sent it to my friend. A month and two interviews later, they accepted me! Once my internship was drawing to and end, they were able to offer me a full time position.

My #1 piece of advice for folks trying to break into the industry: MAKE CONNECTIONS. NETWORK. Obviously having dedication and building your artistic skills (whether that's character design, animation, story boarding, etc) is a huge part of it- like you can make as many connections as you want, but if you don't have a decent set of skills/a portfolio to back you up, then you might be out of luck there. But I cannot understate the importance of networking.

So, how do you make connections/network? My advice:

-I know everyone can't afford it, but going to an art school/college is a decent way to make connections- not just with teacher's who have worked in the industry themselves, but also with your future artists. Heck, I've been seeing younger artists like myself start their own studios. You can defo still make connections w/o college, but I just wanted to note that.

-Interact with artists/folks in the industry online. comment on their posts, ask them genuine questions. Most folks are happy to answer questions or give portfolio advice.

-Mentorships are a great thing- also something i see offered on twitter a lot. Some studio's like dreamworks have "internship" like programs where people who have recently graduation or are looking for a career change can apply to and learn from. I'd follow companies you're interested in via linkedin, or visit their websites to see if they offer things like this

-Also!! Participate in anijams, gamejams, art swaps, zines- these are all great ways to connect with fellow artists online. My college has an animation club that does anijams twice a year- which is a GREAT thing to put on your resume- it shows collaboration, dedication- things you need to be open to when working in the industry.

-I'd also say that trying to narrow down what you're really passionate about doing (for me, 3d animation just fit my heart the best) and learn more about it. Watch youtube videos, follow tutorials. Practice your anatomy, do gesture drawings from life, draw as many hands and feet as you can, lol. All things to help strengthen your skills! Consistency is key!!

I know that's a lot of info, so I just want to reiterate something: I've been at KI for about a year and a half now, and I am still just as passionate about this game as I was beforehand. That passion is one of my greatest assets. WANTING to do what I do for work makes working a lot easier, and produces a better product. If you have a passion, a drive to do something, you can do the damn thing. Making connections/being consistent as an artists can feel wildly overwhelming. But it doesn't have to be. You're worthy of sharing your art and ideas with the world, and people want to hear them. Baby steps! Start small. Heck talking to me already gets your started with networking :D

Hope that wasn't too rambly/answered some of your questions anon. Feel free to inbox or dm me if you wanna chat more- goes for anyone reading this :)

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

I've had this moment of realization some weeks ago, after I watched Red, White & Royal Blue. I even wrote a bit here and I focused on the genre, on chemistry, the film as an adaption. And then I stumbled on some review or think piece which had its central thesis based on the fact that this film is just another US/Royal imperialist propaganda, wrapped up nicely as a rom-com. And I was dumbfounded because why didn't that thought cross my mind instantly? Of course the ideological frame of analysis is but one, but it's still important. Me from a few years ago would know it. Me from today had to read it someplace else. Around that same time, I saw a teaser for an experimental film on Mubi in which the narrator talked about physical and imaginary borders. And again that terminology made me think of the times in which I could so easily talk about and use concepts related to borders, displacement, belonging, otherness, imperialism/colonialism, all critical paradigms that have now left my vocabulary.

Of course that as years went by, my research focus had shifted as I worked more and more in the area of gender identity (especially women in cinema) and then forms of masculinity (because of Jimin, which is something I haven't told before). And that led to becoming familiar with another set of concepts and adopting a terminology which I had to chance to use it in my posts here on tumblr a lot more than in my academic research in the past 3-4 years.

But what I wanted to say was that when I realized I was blind to the ideology in some Hollywood movie, I felt stupid. I felt like I regressed so much, compared to 22-23 year old me who could so easily juggle with those notions. Where has it gone? Did it disappear completely? Maybe not. I can bring that side of my brain back to life if I only go through some articles briefly. But it doesn't take away the fact that I had lived that moment of realization.

And now that I have distanced myself from the "institution", what's left? Will all my knowledge be stored in some part of my brain and I will forget about it as I move on and do other stuff? Why do I consider that specific type of knowledge as the only smart and relevant component?

And what about fatigue and apathy? And what about those concepts and ideas which belonged to people who no longer have a place, but their presence still lingers because I have assimilated their ideas? Years later and I still believe and use words and concepts that were not initially mine, but I can't get rid of them because I made them mine in the process?

There's always been this inner conflict as to what's the purpose of research. I don't know which is my voice and which is the other one with more power and influence. Do I think that having my name published is the ultimate purpose? I used to (I was being told), but when it happened, I felt no joy. I felt more relieved that it was finally over after months and years of work.

But then I stay up for days and I do stuff on my own and I finally write essays with no outside pressure and I come and post them here. And in those moments I'm happy. I'm also happy not for the likes and reblogs, but when I see other people commenting or sending asks in which they share their thoughts. And no one knows who I am and I don't get any recognition and none if it goes into some portfolio. And I'm happy. And then I get reminded that I was told about the democratization of research as well, of how it should reach more people, instead of getting locked up behind paywalls and that sharing the knowledge is the most important thing. And I believed it 10 years ago and I believe it now. And then I have to be confronted with the fact that such type of writing doesn't really have a place in a fandom that places a lot more stock on other type of participation.

Contradictory ideas coming from the same source which are fighting in my brain. And are part of me, whether I like it or not.

[princepestilence]

New Year's Resolutions 2024.

We're going for simple but profound life improvements this year.

I don't really feel like resolutions is entirely the right word -- it feels like giving yourself an ultimatum, which isn't how I see this purpose, or the tone, of my practice. They're more an acknowledgement of aspirations, a voicing of intentions to help clarify the path I want to take that year.

In 2024, I am making choices to bring more joy, more art, more rest and relief, and more connection with people I love into my life.

write to mum every day. For mum's early Christmas present, I gave her a day planner with a beautiful cover (Van Gogh, one of her favourites), but she never got to use it. I've taken to the idea of writing to her every day, since the thought I've been having most frequently this month, about little inconsequential things, is "I wish I could tell mum about this." .

make a memory book. More of a scrapbook than a typical photo album. I want to make a memory book of my mum, all the things I don't want to forget about her, and all the things I want to celebrate and reminsce fondly about. I've kept so many little bits and pieces over the years, like ticket stubs and cards, which I now feel was subconsciously for this exact purpose. .

take care of myself. In many ways, 2023 was a good year for this goal, but 2024 can absolutely be better. I intend to sleep well, eat well, exercise, do things that are enjoyable as often as possible, and say no + use my time for myself. I see it as infinitely more precious at the moment, and I'm not happy any longer to give it away to just anyone who wants for free labour. .

dress for fun. Another continuation of 2023, but also another that can be improved. I can for sure get weirder with it. .

make art. This is one I am so looking forward to. I've really missed it, and in some ways regret that I've prioritised nearly every other thing over this one. But not anymore. I'm excited to draw again, and do craft, and write when the mood strikes. .

read for pleasure. Another one that fell to the wayside again and again in my pursuit of productivity and trying to finish my thesis, and work, and volunteer, and be social, and keep on top of life admin. .

play games. Ditto above! I get too much fun from playing games not to do it more often. .

run (and play in?) tabletop games. In some ways, this folds in under both 'make art' and 'play games' but I feel it combines the two enough as a distinct third option to count for another goal. I particularly want to run Dread again, and try out some other kinds of tabletop / board games too. .

go on outings more often. I have a year pass to the aquarium that I want to start using ASAP, and I want to visit the botanic gardens more often. It's a beautiful place and really nice to walk around, so will be an ideal place to get a little more exercise into my life as well. Likewise, I'm looking forward to going to see theatre further afield, and visit more galleries and museums. .

decorate home / start renovations. We've decided it's about time to start seriously making some changes to our home, which is exciting but also a bit anxiety-inducing. We're fairly confident the first port of call will be installing aircon, followed by kitchen renovations and electrical work throughout the house. That's going to make such a huge difference to the QOL (quality of lighting) and the functionality of the kitchen / living space and desk areas. .

connect more with friends + family. I've sacrificed a lot of time with family and friends to keep afloat with work and my dissertation etc., and while I know that was a sensible decision, it's not a situation I want to keep living in. I would rather achieve less and spend more time with the people that are important to me. .

submit thesis. It feels a bit silly to put this here when it's so close to done at this point already, but it's still worth acknowledging -- and also celebrating. It's hard that my mum won't be here to see me graduate, or read what I've spent all this time working on, but I know she wouldn't want that to detract from the experience for me so I'm trying to walk the fine line of pride / satisfaction and grief as I travel down this final stretch. .

manage workload better. Work is usually fine, but the busy periods really slam me and I have to really struggle to keep afloat in that environment. I've assessed the problems and have started to put things in place so I'm not being overloaded, and I think that + some recent talks I've had with my manager will make a big difference in how that all happens this year coming.

[giacosketch]

Hello! I Graduated!!

Hey, hi again. It's been a bit since my last update, but I wanted to share what I've been up to since you last saw me.

So, let's rewind to a few months ago for my last post. That was a school project I had to do, but I want to take this blogging thing kinda seriously to keep track of my work and career progress. So, jumping to now, I finally decided to get off my ass and make a new post! Anyway, let's talk about the meat and potatoes of the post: my graduation from the Seneca College (or Polytechnic) Diploma of Illustration program!

I've been in school for a LONG time now. I started in Art Fundamentals (or 'fundies' as I'll refer to it) at Sheridan College back in 2016. Then, after some hiccups and a few failed classes here and there, I took a year off. I then reapplied to Fundamentals and redid that so I could get the credits needed to get into Sheridan's famous Animation program! After two attempts (one during my first round of Fundamentals, and the other during the second), I finally got into the Animation program! But after some more failed classes and hiccups, paired with being held back a year and the beginning of the COVID-19 Pandemic, I just ended up dropping out of the course, cursing the name of Sheridan College, and taking yet another year off to ride out the pandemic and see where things would take me. This takes us to 2022 when I applied to Seneca College for their animation program and their illustration program. Now, you may be asking, "But if you're gunning for animation, why did you switch to Illustration???" and to that, I say 'I needed something to change'.

I initially went to art school to pursue comics and MAYBE storyboarding because I thought it was cool. It wasn't until some chats with tutors and classmates that I switched to animation. I was hesitant at first, and the more I look back, the more I think I just wasn't ready for that kind of work. But I did it anyway, and turns out, while I do like animating, I don't like animation school (at least not yet).

So, after a few weeks of waiting, I got an update from Seneca! I did not get into the animation program, BUT I was accepted into the illustration program. I took this as a sign to pivot and try something I wanted to do from the start. Who knows, I might like it! So, I accepted my offer and again, after SOME hiccups and a few failed classes, I… I graduated… I actually did it, I graduated college, and it DIDN'T suck!

I won't bore you with the full details, but my experience at Seneca was really good! With my past knowledge of art school and generally knowing the structure of assignments and the deadlines, I was able to manage my time and my work while also experimenting with new mediums and techniques I was too scared to try before. I went in with the mindset of 'Well, I paid for it, might as well try'.

I kid you not, that carried me through this program, even when I didn't want to do the work.

So, after an amazing 5 semesters (I was held back one) and the amazing crit and help I got from my professors, I got to the end game of making a four-image set piece for the Illustration Grad show. This is the program's thesis project, which basically everything you learn leads up to. The show went amazing, my family and friends all came out to cheer me on. My classmates won awards for their beautiful artwork, and after an amazing week of the show and a great reception night, it was all over. The college ride came to an end, and I can now hold my head up high and say…

"I graduated college."

TLDR: I went to Sheridan College for some time, messed around and failed. Then I applied to Seneca College for their animation or illustration program. Got into illustration and had a great time, then I graduated!

Full visual Timeline*:

*This timeline is leaving out some important things that happened but for the sake or simplicity and privacy, I left that stuff out.

OK so that was A LOT to take in and read, how about we talk about some art!

So I said I got my work into the Illustration Grad show and I bet you're wondering 'What was the work you did?'

this is it!

INVISABLE

11 x 17 cream text paper

Risograph Print

(and here is my artist statement I wrote to accompany the piece:)

Change is a force all around us. We see it in our everyday lives and experience it within our minds. Both the invisible and visible change controls us. I’ve experienced it a lot during my time in school, both artistically and emotionally, and I've seen my family and friends change from once familiar nostalgic forms, into mature and responsible beings. 

INVISIBLE brings creatures from our deep past,(Microraptor, Tiktaalik, Smilodon, and Australopithecus) and inserts them into our modern era in familiar settings. We think of these animals as things from a time long forgotten, or as museum specimens, but without the past, the present just wouldn’t come to be. Their lives, and struggles shaped us and molded the very ground beneath us. We are our past, just as much as we are our future.

Pretty fancy, eh? I wanted to really put on my artist cap for this one, and I honestly had a blast making it.

Each of the skeletons shown is drawn as ACCURATELY as I can make them. I referenced skeletal diagrams, research papers, and I reached out to some paleo mutuals and Discord servers for some critique. Oh, and you may be wondering why Risograph. To be honest, it's really just because of the aged look of the ink. I wanted a semi-museum quality to the final product, and Risograph just felt right to me. Shout out to the amazing Colour Code Printing for the excellent work they did. Lastly, the name "INVISABLE" is in reference to how these animals and the change they caused are NOW invisible to us, and it's also a reference to the Duran Duran song of the same name. I liked the vibes a lot, and there was a meme circulating around with the song at the time, so it was in my head a lot. The feeling I got from the vocals and the instrumentals was something I wanted to recapture in my work, albeit to varying success. I'm extremely proud of this work, and the reaction from everyone at the reception was awesome!

I do hope to maybe one day do another gallery in the future, but I'm also not really about that kind of stuff. But the last few years have taught me a lot about myself and that I have to be open to change and reinventing who I am. I can't stay stagnant, or I'll just sink, and I've seen it happen to many, many people not only in school but at work and just out and about. Keep an open mind and try new things; that's the lesson I learned throughout all of this.

If you're reading this and you don't know how to feel about growing up or if you should go to school, all I say is this: Try new things and don't be afraid to mess up. Fail faster, and you'll learn faster.

[magnetarmadda]

Hi there! Like probably a lot of people, I'm quite jealous and in awe of the amount of reading you seem to get done. If you don't mind my asking, did you read this many books when you were in grad school? I'm in the last few months of my PhD (in paleontology!) and I've found that working on my thesis has absolutely killed my ability to get through books. Did this happen to you? Did your brain recover afterward? Or did you never deal with the reading slump?

Thanks! (And I hope you're having a good day, because you seem like a cool and nice person!)

Hey, hi! First, best of luck with your final months of grad school!!! Honestly, for me, they were so hard because of the lack of structure. Just, “finish your dissertation” and that was all the instruction really. If you ever wanna chat/vent about that, lemme know!! (Also paleontology!!! That’s so cool!!)

I always like to preface my reading habits with this: I have a very fast reading comprehension speed, and so for me, it averages out to about 100 pages of a novel in an hour and about 75 pages of nonfiction in an hour. In that way, I got lucky with the combination of early reading education, at-home book discussions, and genetics. So I can sit down and read a 300-page book in one evening, which meant that, even though I was only reading only one or two days a week, I was still getting through 50+ a year that way in grad school

I also listen to a lot of audiobooks and love trade paperbacks of graphic novels. The graphic novels can be quite fast reads for me, and this again is partly luck and genetics—my mom’s an artist, so I learned to look at images critically quite young, and can frequently find important info in them quickly. Then, for audiobooks, I do struggle with some chronic illnesses and chronic pain, and I frequently have to check out of life—but I cannot be left alone in my own head, or I rapidly catastrophize lol. I also can’t shut my own brain off when it’s time to sleep, so I listen to audiobooks then as well. I’d say this means I average about 4 audiobooks a month, where they’re usually between 8 and 14 hours (I do listen at 1.25 or 1.5 speed, because otherwise my brain stops paying attention)

I was also lucky with my advisor in grad school. She had a firm self-care policy, in that she cares more about her students’ well-being and health than timely progress. So I never felt like I was stealing moments or neglecting my work—I was trying to cultivate the healthiest version of myself, given all the other factors outside of my control. In the six years I worked with her, we actually spent more than one meeting talking about fantasy novels instead of research, which was lovely

But, yeah, there were a lot of reading struggles in grad school for me. I would go long stretches of time where the idea of opening a book and reading more words was unbearable, because god, didn’t I just spend all day reading and writing?? I also started to not care as much for the types of books I read before grad school, so now I’ve got a few stacks of books on hand I feel guilty that I haven’t read (but I’m trying to recognize that I’ll probably never read them, because tastes can change). So I might've had motivation to read, but nothing I had on hand sounded particularly good

Submitting that dissertation and knowing the hard part was over was actually the biggest relief, I think maybe of my life. I defended in mid-October and then submitted the finished manuscript about two weeks later, and then I spent a solid month just…reading whatever the fuck I wanted to lol. I have a postdoc now (and am applying for faculty jobs 🤞), and the responsibilities are waaaaaay less than as a grad student. In fact, my PI is adamant that I should not do more than 40 hrs a week, and so I’ve been able to plow through books like wild in the last few months

I also want to say: grad school is hard. It’s so absolutely difficult. Master’s programs are rough, and PhD programs are their own rodeo, and it sucks to say (because it sounds awful to most people, I know), but unless someone goes through grad school themselves, it’s hard to fathom what makes it so hard and exhausting. It’s totally okay to cut yourself some slack for finding you don’t have as much energy for other things, even the things you really enjoy. The books will be there waiting, and I'll admit it took me a solid 4 years to accept that myself lol

Thanks for the lovely ask, and I really do wish you well as you finish up 💜 again, I'm here--ask box or dm--if you'd like to take more about any part of the process 💜

[themarchrabbit]

Now, now, let's not give NaNoWriMo all the credit for these frankly impressive decisions, and this truly exemplary professional behavior. Though they do deserve plenty, because really, all this with only a handful of full-time staff left?

In April it was rumored that almost all of their remaining staff walked out for unspecified reasons surrounding Kilby's leadership. Based on LinkedIn profiles, that rumor does seem to be at least partially accurate. There seem to be only three remaining staff members left at the organization, which usually has a staff of more like 14. Job positions were listed for Director of Communications and Director of Programs, with no sign so far that those positions have been filled. With the NaNoWriMo staff page no longer public, it's difficult to tell how many staff members they currently have or in what roles.

Well, that seems odd, what could possibly -

Several people have asked for a timeline of this situation. We've tried to include most of the defining incidents of the past year so you can understand why people are unhappy, so this timeline doesn't cover the 2019 website or anything else that may contribute to general discontent. Note: We refer to past and present staff members and board members by name, but use placeholders for the volunteer mods and try not to name participants. Moderator X is the same Moderator X referred to in the NaNoWriMo Board's posts. Moderator Y is a different former moderator who is mentioned to provide additional context. In reality, if you've been on the NaNoWriMo forums in the last couple of years, you know who we’re talking about. Content note: racism, alleged grooming of minors and predatory behavior toward minors

TL;DR NaNoWriMo is currently a trainwreck operations-wise. And also, super fucking understaffed. Which led me to wonder how exactly they managed such a campaign. Because uh, see, all of this? This is extra work. During the work day, in fucking late August/early September, which is go-time for an event that takes place in November.

That math don't add up.

You know what factor helps balance that out? A privately-owned company that charges a $30 a month subscription fee to run spellcheck and make "suggestions" that will help you too write formulaic "inspirational" romances like Leanna Morgan. [I am so sorry, writers of the romance/erotica genre]

Meet the company that apparently now owns NaNoWriMo's ass, ProWritingAid. Founded by one Chris Banks, former financial analyst turned fiction writer [with a masters in psychology? What's wrong, sweetheart, there wasn't AI to write your thesis for you?]

...If I had to read this rubbish, so do all of you.

I'm not a natural storyteller In 2012, I returned from traveling around South America to a cold and rainy London. I decided I wanted to write a magical realism novel about my adventures—to keep the memory alive. Even though I was a proficient business writer, I struggled immensely. Although storytelling is the most important part of business writing, the stories are different—they're more minimalist and lack the texture and descriptive detail of creative writing. This meant I had to learn a whole new set of skills. I wasn't born a great storyteller—I don't believe anyone is—but I learned with the help of my colleagues. They would sit with me, going over what I wrote, pointing out areas I could work on and teaching me how to craft a narrative. I don't consider myself a natural storyteller, but with their guidance, I'm proud to say I've become an effective one. When I started writing my novel, I didn't have anyone to help me. I read lots of books on fiction writing, but I struggled to understand how to apply that to my own writing. I spent hours writing and editing my work but feeling like I was getting nowhere. I couldn't translate the ideas in my head to something good on paper. In the past, I'd had someone sit with me and help me. This time, I wasn't so lucky.

To summarize: "Creating art was too hard." Seriously, what is it with these types and this belief that art should be easy? Are these the same kids who always complained they had the "bad" controller?

As for why NaNoWriMo seems so happy to burn this shit down, well, the current executive director, Kilby Blades, is an author, but her day job was as a digital marketing executive. Kilby Blades is their pen name. Might be possible their legal name has been offered new employment somewhere like, say, a privately-owned AI writing software company that is desperately trying to push an image of being "writer-run" into a market that loathes the very idea of them. You know, one that might see the benefits of hiring someone who has an intimate knowledge of the amateur writing scene, and even runs an event where hundreds of thousands of amateur writers willingly upload their work.

Of course, that's just speculation. Maybe she really is just that fucking incompetent in the corporate world.

But if a person with basic knowledge of how the corporate world works, and a better-than-most working knowledge of how to run an intimidation con, were to take all of this information and speculate, well. They might look at their suspects, and compare. On the one hand, we have an understaffed nonprofit in shambles. On the other, we have a privately owned tech firm that desperately needs people to buy their subscription.

Who do you think has the time and motive to be so fucking viciously defensive all over the damn internet about the fancy spellcheck? While co-opting language like "ableism" and "classism"?

By the way, this is how ProWritingAid presents themselves:

watching @nanowrimo within a single hour:

make an awful, ill-conceived, sponsored post about "responsible"/"ethical" uses of ai in writing

immediately get ratio'd in a way i've never seen on tumblr with a small swarm of chastising-to-negative replies and no reblogs

start deleting replies

reply to their own post being like 'agree to disagree!!!' while saying that ai can TOTALLY be ethical because spellcheck exists!! (???) while in NO WAY responding to the criticisms of ai for its environmental impact OR the building of databases on material without author consent, ie, stolen material, OR the money laundering rampant in the industry

when called out on deleting replies, literally messaged me people who called them out to say "We don't have a problem with folks disagreeing with AI. It's the tone of the discourse." So. overtly stated tone policing.

get even MORE replies saying this is a Bad Look, and some reblogs now that people's replies are being deleted

DISABLE REBLOGS when people aren't saying what nano would prefer they say

im juust in literal awe of this fucking mess.

[chronoxtreme]

The Cage: Chapters 2-5 Author's Notes

So, I'll be honest - one of the biggest weaknesses of this fic for me, personally, is that these 3 chapters don't really need to be here, but they do at the same time. They're important to Astarion actually getting to know Nanne, but at the same time they don't really move the story along in terms of the main thesis, i.e. "they met 10 years ago and now they're back together oopsies."

I've also been trying to break the habit of relying on canon dialogue/scenes to convey relationships. It's something that I notice I do a lot in my other fics that aren't AUs, so this fic is trying to get out of that niche.

As well, Nanne giving the tent to Astarion is something I kind of stumbled into and ended up loving. I think it's a nice way to establish Nanne's personality in context. That sort of generosity mixed with envy because you really want it for yourself but you know that it's the right thing to do to give it to this poor nobleman who's clearly never had a day of hardship in his life. The selflessness that isn't quite selfless because it's been engrained into you from a young age and is it really a choice? (Don't worry, we'll get into more of that later)

Some funny headcanons/canon events that I shoved into this fic:

Literally all of Astarion's camp gear is stolen from the crypt/the tiefling refugees/the druids at the grove. I refuse to believe that he obtained all of those trinkets by gainful means when it's repeatedly emphasized that this dude owned literally nothing under Cazador.

Astarion's burial shroud (inspired by the rags you can see in his various camp sites, especially in Last Light Inn). This is something that was almost 100% pulled out of my ass. I don't think the vampiric resting place rule applies to spawn, but I do like the thought of Astarion's sole possession being a reminder of his trauma. We'll do stuff with that later, don't worry.

Astarion thinks Wyll is hot because he's exactly his type of "innocent charming younger man who is selfless and slightly awkward but good at heart." Also Wyll is just hot.

Astarion making fun of Shadowheart's goth name is a thing that happens in game if you happen to recruit Astarion first before her and it's VERY funny

The sheer, utter frustration Astarion has watching everyone in camp target his seduction mark and try and pull the moves on them

I do also believe that Astarion's compatible with every single party member (except for Minsc and Jaheira for obv reasons), so while he does tick them off the list of "seduce for protection" candidates for various reasons, it's mainly because this is a Tav x Astarion story. Likewise, I love all the party members, no matter how much Astarion may shit on them lol

So, let's talk a little about Chapter 5 and what's going on here. A lot of the events are based on my second-first playthrough as Nanne (my first playthrough was on my old PC that died and the saves got corrupted, so I had to start over). Looking back, I do think it's pretty self indulgent to have everyone hit on my OC, but considering it happened in game just by playing a nice character who naturally wanted to get to know everyone and was a compulsive peacemaker, I can't say it's, like, over the top outrageous. (They literally ALL cockblocked Astarion's romance scene except for Wyll. Literally all of them)

If I were to go back and rewrite this section, though, I'd probably stretch out the timeline a lot more, moving Shadowheart's date later back, Gale's magic lessons, etc. One of the issues that I have with writing is the timeline, and nowhere has it been more obvious than with this fic, where I'll describe a week's worth of events happening in literally four days, then skip ahead two months and go "Hey guys, take my word for it that x time has passed." It's something I definitely need to work on lol. At the same time, this is very much a self indulgent fic for funsies.

Now SPOILERS FOR NANNE'S CHARACTER ARC: In case anyone's curious, no, Nanne had no clue that Shadowheart's little date was supposed to be a date. This is a person who has never been approached for anything romantic except from their sketchy employer. Astarion is exasperated that they didn't see the signs, but Nanne has no experience with "hooking up", dating, whatever you wanna call it.

They do feel bad about accidentally leading Shadowheart on, but honestly, they're torn because on the one hand, someone did find them attractive! Wowee! On the other hand, this is moving awfully fast and they're scared about being exposed. They have had it repeatedly bashed into their head that their body is disgusting, unnatural, a deviation that must be fixed, and so relationships are this thing that they can't ever have, but desperately crave. It is a deeply painful position to be in. They do a good job of hiding it and not coming across as clingy, but Nanne is a very lonely person who craves connection and intimacy (physical, sexual, emotional, any of it). At the same time, they can't risk being rejected again.

END SPOILERS

The boar scene is one of my favorite early on scenes because this is the moment when Nanne clocks that Astarion is actually a vampire. A lot of people make fun of the game for waiting like, five in game days before exposing the elephant in the room, but considering that everyone knows vampires can't stand in sunlight, it's reasonable to assume that Astarion's just an incredibly pampered noble who's got delicate skin and maybe some drow ancestry.

But then he starts acting VERY suspicious and guilty and, well, the boar is literally right there.

Nanne's comment of "You're protecting us from the vampire, aren't you?" is meant to be a very subtle way of thanking Astarion from not eating anyone yet, which considering what happens in the next chapter is, uh, lol. Lmao, even.

[midorismorningsessions]

before proceeding, listen to the full episode here:

as i write this, i seriously do not know the question to this answer. having reeled from the loss of a friend to the perils of a staggered thesis writing journey coupled with random reminiscences of past memories while working on my narrative report, as well as the inherent final projects needed to be accomplished, made for a turbulent first few weeks of the new year for me. i think i might've fallen into a major depressive episode.

i decided to deactivate my facebook account so i won't have to recall these memories he left me dealing with, but everytime i turn up to school for the most random of reasons, i find myself just catching all the sadness this world ever has to give me. i've hesitated to come back since. or even turn my focus to these impending projects i still needed to finish. i just can't put my heart out into these projects. not when i'm still getting myself together, both as an individual student and the person a lot of people count on.

sure, i may have a long list of things i've wanted to do after school ends by this year. pursuing music full-time, teaching at the same department that has broken my heart and left me devastated twice, streaming myself playing valorant with an ever-cursing mouth, writing more and more pieces and essays about my experiences in life, producing and hosting a podcast about these same experiences, they have all crossed my mind. but nothing will ever replace the constant loneliness i have been feeling since time immemorial, a feeling that was once filled by my now-former college bestfriend, currently busy with the most important project he has undertaken yet—his own thesis.

i kind of don't like calling him that. but he has since grown cold as ice, not just towards me, but everybody else he has probably ever known. that excludes his own friends, ones that he encounters and spends time with everyday. these lucky bastards. that may be too much of a word to say, but they're lucky enough not to bear the brunt of losing a friend. they're lucky they will never grieve over losing someone so important to their lives, despite them being very much alive and kicking.

we never ended on a bad note, he said to me one time. so you don't need to block me. but knowing myself, i will definitely have the urge to tell him about random stuff, my adventures, my thesis, internship and everything in between. i did it for my own sake. of fucking course, it'll leave me haunting for days and weeks on end. and i did it time and again.

i told him about what i have been feeling in the brunt of all this in a lengthy rant on our messenger chats. i couldn't pretend any longer. i wasn't fine with everything happening at all. i wasn't fine with him being cold, or him deactivating. hell, he even told me that i could just dump everything and he'll read them all, but i couldn't do that now. i don't know if he even reads the rest of the emails i sent him. however, he read the first one that i sent in early january, saying that i didn't want to bother him any longer as he keeps himself busy with work and graduate school. i still had hope, but it has since faded with each passing day as i see him spending his time happily with his true friends.

i was never one of these friends. although he has been telling me that i am one of his for keeps friends, i don't know if that is even true anymore. he has been with me for all of my major milestones in the past year, but i couldn't even cheer him up in his most turbulent time yet. i don't know if he still considers me as a friend, or a phase now enamored by our respective personal endeavors.

i don't know where to go from here. that's the most obvious answer. i don't even know if i'll be able to graduate in about six months time. i don't know if i'll be able to survive this phase at all.

⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠

today's ending theme is 5 seconds of summer's amnesia from 5 seconds of summer. enjoy listening!

[drew-mga2022mi6021]

Conceptualisation | Brief Analysis and Exploration

To begin exploring, I put down all my unrefined and rough thoughts on paper in the form of a mind map. To begin, I started out with my concepts and divided each section into what I want to say through the final film, my inspirations and my proposed thesis statement in relation to the film. I will go through each topic individually in more depth in their own blog posts for ease of access later on.

Additionally, I tried to bring forward certain themes and evolve some aspects of my initial concepts, which resulted in an evolution of my concept of Solarpunk. Throughout this refinement process, I found myself coming back to the key questions the brief asks of us.

What do you want to be known for?

Concept Art from my upcoming children's book

The internship programme we were made to embark on over the last 3 months was not exactly an industry internship for me. I worked at the MJF Charitable Foundation, a place that aids people with disabilities and families in poverty. Learning beyond design helped me gain perspective in my own life and work, and how I could use my skills to impact the lives around me.

A long-term assignment that I have been working on is to create a book to educate young audiences. The story itself is unrelated to the main message (an underlying theme in my work). As a kid, I have always been entranced by novels. I know that I have always wanted to write. However, since pursuing a degree in animation, it would be more accurate to say that I now have a passion for storytelling.

Storytelling itself does not mean just animation or writing. Stories could be told through environments, through games, through simple photographs. I want to explore every avenue that I can to tell stories. Looking back on my track record of work, it's not very specific. I've done space renders, experimented with pixel art in 3D space, created models to be printed in 3D, written and illustrated books, done 2D animations, curated exhibitions for festivals, created large installation artworks for said festivals, and even to a certain extent art direction.

This leads into the most important question the brief asks of me; what do I want to be known for?

The short answer; everything, I want to do everything. The long answer; I don't really know? All I know is that I want to create. My first love was writing, then 2d animation, then mixed media, then photography and most recently children's books. However, amidst all this, I noticed a distinct lack of something in the cultural sphere. If one were to take popular media today, the results would be polarising. They are either heavily centred around the West or the East. There is a lack of South Asian stories in the world. And no, I do not mean stories that are overtly South Asian, such as Rama and Seeta or the story of The Buddha. No, I mean that there is a lack of modern stories set in South Asia, that utilise the resources that South Asia brings to the table.

Shehan Karunatilake - Author of the Best Selling The Seven Moons of Maali Almeida

One man that I am inspired by time and time again is the writing of Shehan Karunatilake, who does exactly what I have described. I am not saying that I want to be the next Mr. Karunatilake. I want to add more meaningful stories set in this tiny island that we live on. I want to put Sri Lanka back on the map as a society with the talent to tell stories, to innovate and to design.

Lofty aspirations aside, I do have another goal. A much more selfish one. Simply put, I want to make people happy. I want to make people feel comfort and warmth. I want to make people feel deep emotions through my work. This is why I am so taken by stories like Hilda. A children's show that tackles deep subjects in a comforting way. Ultimately, I want to make people feel.

And so we return full circle to the question of what do I want to be known for? I think the best answer to this question is that I want to simply be known for weaving touching narratives, regardless of medium; a storyteller, if you will. I want to be known as that one person your friend calls when they tell someone "Hold on, I know a guy." And I think the best place to plant those seeds is with my final film.

What ideas have you been yearning to bring into the world?

Scientifically Accurate Render of The Earth from Space - Drew de Silva

My brain is constantly working on overtime, even when I am supposed to be resting. I find that my best ideas come to me in a vision, whilst pacing around my room with questionable intent. I'm constantly bouncing between the idea of bringing fun, short stories to the world just for the sake of being fun, or creating sprawling, touching narratives that speak to a very specific niche of the human psyche. I thought this was a good place to begin when constructing my mind map. This would result in me creating the divisions to flesh out each concept that I had chosen thus far.

Sometimes, I find myself working on ideas for so long that I forget how they really started. Over the last decade (wow, I am OLD), I've been working on and off on a concept for some stories that I eventually want to tell the world. I've worked on it for so long that the idea that I have now is completely unrecognisable from the one that I started with. However, while the story and characters may have changed, there is one thing that did not; the emotions. The stories that I yearn to bring the world are ones of hope, of inspiration, of comfort and of love. Essentially, I want to create things that, while not necessarily 100% happy, eventually bring comfort to the viewer in the end.

What is the best project to demonstrate all of the skills you have learned so far?

An Excerpt from I Love Bugs and Why I'm Scared of Dying - Drew de Silva

Tied with my MI5018 submission for my favourite project that I have worked on thus far is the answer to my Experimental Motion Graphics brief. This project truly allowed me to explore all the things that I loved in animation; composition, traditional and digital 2d animation, mixed media, stop motion and more unorthodox methods of creating engaging visuals such as screen printing.

My main passion in this field is digital 2D animation, which is why I loved creating my VFX film last year. Therefore, my final film would be mainly composed of 2D animation. Similarly, while (at this stage) I do not intend to pursue as many media as I did for that project, I intend on experimenting with other media for the final outcome of this film.

What does the world need right now?

Amidst the countless ruthless conflicts that are happening across the world, the growing climate crisis and the general apathy that our society has built up over the years, the world is in a constant state of disarray. Does the world even care about what I have to say? Does the world need more Sri Lanka? More Drew?

I think the people of the world need to shut up and listen to each other for five seconds. To slow down and really enjoy the things that we have. I think that the world needs more stories with happy endings. Maybe then, we can carve our own.

[psycholojosh]

Almost There!

Been wanting to write on my blog for quite some time now, but I haven't got the time because of practicum. Since September last year, I struggled fulfilling my psychotherapy hours in my master's clinical practicum because I couldn't let go of other commitments, such as my jobs. Being the only person who has to finance his own personal needs and ambitions, I made it a point to make ends meet no matter what -- without compromising *too* much of my wellbeing. But I learned that the hard way. Throughout the months, I struggled with juggling and switching between tasks because there was just so much. (And I'll write more on this in another blog entry.) But it took a toll on me.

So come January this year, I made it a point to rest and recalibrate until I could find my rhythm. And thankfully, I did. Around the end of March, I was able to restart my practicum journey and have been consistent ever since. I learned how to practice boundary and expectation setting -- even if I still suck at it. But, hey, that's progress, if I do say so myself.

By next month, I'll be hitting an important goal. I needed 200 hours of psychotherapy work. And currently... I'm at 190! I just need 10 more hours and I've done the bare minimum in this area. Then, I can switch into assessment practicum more intensely (but I've started this as well). But it's still gonna be a challenge, considering what I'm about to talk about next...

The other thing that I foresee as a challenge is... thesis season. It was hard to believe at first but I thought, "Oh shit. I'm so close to finishing this." And I sooner realized that I needed to prepare for it right away. You see, the ideal scenario for a graduate student is to think about thesis development even before the semester of it. In fact, we were all encouraged to think about it as early as our applications and our first semester!

I already had thesis topics I was passionate about. One of them (which I will not share here in full just yet) has something to do with LGBTQ+ mental health (of course, duh!). I took very brief periods of time throughout the last 5 years reading up on it, exploring it, and studying it. I wouldn't say I'm an expert just yet, but with every learning moment, I feel much more excited to see how I can turn it into a study. But two weeks back, I asked a colleague of mine about some advice with thesis preps. And he aired caution on me. "Start now," he said. And frantically, I did.

But I've been having a lot of questions in my mind recently. Is my topic acceptable by our department? What value do I add to the field? Can I finish this within my preferred timeline (a year, lol)? Am I being too ambitions or too simple? Is this the right time to start my thesis? What if I drop some commitments - quit my job? And how will I sustain myself financially if I do leave work behind? What about my momentum - will I lose it? I didn't realize that there were so many things to consider beyond what the process of graduate thesis goes. And I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling this way.

I'm honestly not sure how to deal with it, nor do I have the answers to my questions -- at least clear ones anyway. But, I'm trusting my gut in this one (as I've always done since I tasted life after college). I feel like I can always pivot on something and make things meet. I'm just worried about what comes next -- and if it's something I don't prefer to happen.

But for now, I'm radically accepting that this is my situation. And pondering about it for too long may not give me my answers. I figured I might as well lean into it and see how I can make things work.

Nearly there. Almost there.

[spikeisawesome456]

what happened this weeek bro????

Well, funny you should ask that, my friend! Completely unprompted and everything! 😅

Ahhh. But BOY has this week been a chore. The last two days especially. I'll put this in a read more to prevent dash clutter, because this is a LOT. -.-

Anyway. For context, I am currently getting my master's degree in Educational Counseling, to hopefully become a school counselor. My college is completely online, which is helpful in some ways, unhelpful in others. I am also an after school teacher at an elementary school, a job I've had for almost 5 years now.

So, on Monday the 3rd, almost two weeks ago, my very last grad class started. My program has us doing one class a month, instead of five classes a semester or something, so this is my only class for this month (and the next, since this is a research class/my thesis class, and is logically a bit longer).

However, instead of hearing from my new professor on the 3rd, we had radio silence for a week. This was very frustrating, since I have quite a few questions about my research project that I came up with in my last class in December (yes, my last class ended in December, I guess they didn't have this class until April for some reason. I've been doing my internship the last 3 months though, so I was fine with it), but I decided to overlook it and do the assignments, which were just to submit the assignments from the last research class I took in December, which was easy.

Then, this Monday the 10th, I finally heard from my professor. She sent everyone a few emails at 3 am (??? Why 3 am I have no idea. I bet she finally checked her email, went "OH SHOOT I HAVE CLASS" and frantically send the emails), one of which said our first zoom class was that day at 5pm. Problem is, I work until 6:00 every week day, and I didn't have nearly enough time to ask for the hour off. Plus, I was a bit pissed at my prof for not giving enough warning. I sent an email asking if she would record the class, as well as asking her my main question I had. She replied back saying that she wanted to meet up with me privately, which I said that I was amenable to, telling her my availability. She then... emailed me back (calling me KAREN, when I had said my name is KATIE VERY CLEARLY IN MY CLOSER AND MY EMAIL IS LITERALLY MY FULL NAME) saying I didn't answer her????? When I very obviously did???

Well. Whatever, it was weird, but we eventually decided to meet Friday (today) at noon. I confirmed it, she didn't, but I just hoped she'd make the meeting.

Which... she did not. I sent her an email this morning at 7:00 asking for confirmation, and she never responded??? At all??? Like... dude??????? Finally, at noon, I decided to call it a wash and went to lunch with my parents. I had left my internship early for the meeting, too, and I was honestly super pissed.

But you want to know the kicker?? The real kick in the nuts????? When I finally got to lunch and sat down at 12:50... I opened my email for funsies and saw that she had finally emailed me... AT 12:15, SAYING THAT SHE WAS WAITING IN THE CLASS ZOOM LINK THAT SHE SENT THE CLASS. THAT SHE NEVER TOLD ME WE WERE SUPPOSED TO MEET IN. WHAT THE HELL.

I was SO DONE at this point I wanted to scream. I have since emailed the director of the whole program, her boss, and hopefully the director will get back to me... soon. But I have a feeling I will be stuck with this moron, for my most important class. And the worst thing is, I STILL DON'T HAVE AN ANSWER TO MY QUESTION, MEANING I DON'T KNOW IF I'M WASTING MY TIME DOING THIS WEEK'S HOMEWORK. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Ugh.

Anyway. If you thought THAT was bad, I also found out that I'm apparently not enrolled in my second internship class, despite the fact I'm at the exact same location, with the exact same counselor as my supervisor (I have a new internship class every 200 hours apparently, needing 600 hours total). No one told me I needed to apply for each class, either. But regardless, I now have to apply to the next class, even though I just finished my last 200 hours and am now starting my next 200, but I don't even know if they will count because my school is incompetent. And on top of that, the person who is reviewing my application has no idea how to insert my birth day and SSN into the credential website to see if I am clear to work at a school. I'm just... so freaking done with this school, I HATE THEM SO MUCH AHHHHH.

AND THEN, ON TOP OF ALL THAT... At work yesterday, there was legit a NAKED MAN IN THE WINDOW OF THE HOUSE OVERLOOKING THE AREA WE HAVE THE KIDS PLAY IN EVERY DAY. AND TWO STUDENTS SAW HIM, ONE A KINDERGARTEN GIRL. AND SHE SAID SHE SAW EVERYTHING. This poor little girl... I looked to confirm there was indeed a naked man, and while I was able to look away fast enough to not see anything untoward (and the window was slightly blurred at least), I was able to confirm that he was, at least, not wearing a shirt or pants. Whether he had underwear on, I don't know, but it was still very disturbing, especially because he's been watching us for a few months now... I thought it was just some guy looking over his fence curiously at the kids outside, but now, I don't know. He definitely knew we were out there, since I am fairly certain I saw his face. My supervisor is handling this one, but I still am very creeped out by this.

Anyway, there is more, but I'm tired just writing this. I want to sleep for days, but I don't even get to rest this weekend, since I have homework THAT I DON'T KNOW WILL EVEN MATTER SINCE I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO MY RESEARCH, but whatever. WHATEVER. At least the work isn't hard. It's just coming up with my questionnaire for the kids to answer. But still!!!

So, that's how my week has been going. How's yours?? :-) :-) :-)