#I've been really feeling down about nearly everything i make lately and it's bothering me a lot

[the-one-who-lambs]

Me: I don't know if my ideas are worth sharing, I'm losing engagement from my readerbase these past few months so I must be doing something wrong, I don't think I've really accomplished anything as a writer.

Some person in my AO3 comments hyped as FUCK for the Risen Lamb/Fallen God rewrite:

[the-marshals-wife]

Refuge (Sierra Six x Reader)

─ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ⋅☆⋅ 𝐀𝐎𝟑 ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─

A/N: It's official: I'm obsessed with The Gray Man. I've watched it 3 times so far in under 2 months, and I really wanted to write something sweet for my current favorite Goose character.

Description: Sierra Six/Courtland Gentry x Fem!Reader, established (secret) relationship; flirty, steamy fluff + angst if you squint | Warnings: suggestive themes, kissing, alcohol | Setting: post-movie | Word count: 1,746

Gif credit: user magnusedom

Imagine Six returning to you, his best kept secret, and asking you to come away with him

There was only one thing in the world that could make you open the front door of your apartment after midnight. The instant you recognize the familiar, distinct sequence of knocking, you shoot upright from your slumber and scramble off of the sofa, the book on your chest flying across the floor from where you had dozed off. Having almost tripped on the rug, you release the dead bolt and frantically fumble with the chain lock. Heart pounding, you slide it loose and jerk open the door.

Waiting on the other side like an apparition was a smiling face you weren't sure you'd ever lay eyes on again.

"Sorry for the late hour, ma'am. Could I trouble you for a cup of sugar?"

"Court!"

You couldn't help it. His name, the name only you could use, escapes your lips like a cry.

"May I come in?" he gestures.

You grab his arm and usher him inside.

"Where have you been?" you asked in a hushed voice, looking over him.

"Here, there, everywhere," he answers, leaning back against the closed door. "Spent a little time in nowhere too."

"I've been so worried about you! I haven't heard from you in months. I know that's the job, but it's been so long without a sign or anything. I was afraid something happened to you. I didn't know what to think," you say all at once.

"I know, I'm sorry. I'll explain everything, I promise. Just, let me look at you first," he says, gazing on you softly, "Wow. How is that possible?"

"What?"

"How are you more beautiful than the last time I saw you?"

You feel your cheeks turn red, but it doesn't keep you from pointing a finger to his chest.

"If you think being a smoothie is going to get you out an explanation, think again, buster."

He wraps his arms around your waist.

"Fair enough," he nods, "It's still true though. You're even prettier when you're angry."

"I must be stunning then," you smirk.

He brings his hand up to lift your chin, leaning in close, "Incredibly."

The waning space between you vanishes as he captures your lips. You lean into his touch, savoring every sensation you'd missed so much. From the warm, smokiness of his scent to the gentle scratch of his beard on your skin. When he finally pulls away, you're nearly breathless.

"Why don't you make yourself at home, stranger?" you propose, composing yourself, "You want a drink?"

"I wouldn't say no to a beer," he replies.

"Coming right up," you say, turning towards the kitchen, "They feed you in 'nowhere'? I got half of a leftover sub here, and some really leftover pizza I can nuke in the microwave."

"Tempting, but I'm good for now, thanks. Just the beer," you hear him say as you grab two bottles from the fridge.

"Good call, honestly. We can just order take out or something."

He doesn't respond, and it immediately catches your attention. You grab the bottle opener from the drawer and make quick work of the caps. With a faraway look in his eye, he stands on the other side of the modest island that separates the kitchen area from the living area. You extend the bottle towards him, and even when he takes it from your grasp, he's barely shaken from his silent reverie.

Too worried to imbibe, you set your own drink down on the counter. "Court, what's wrong? I can tell something is bothering you."

He takes a drink, which is followed by a long pause.

"Do you remember Fitzroy's niece, Claire?"

You nod. "Of course. Is she alright?"

"She is now," he sighs, setting his jaw, "Fitzroy is gone."

"What?" you say, rounding the island to be at his side.

"It's a long story, but some bad people got ahold of Claire to get to him, because of something that I did. We took care of it in the end, but...he didn't make it."

He takes another hefty drink and puts down the bottle.

"Court, I'm so sorry," you say, touching his arm, "I know how much he meant to you."

He turns to face you. "He did. Now Claire has no one, except me. And that's what I came here to talk to you about."

Your pulse quickens at the seriousness in his voice.

"Her and I have been on the run the past couple weeks. Staying ahead of Carmichael and his goon squad."

"Wait, you escaped the agency?" you ask, shocked.

"Didn't have a choice after they tried to use her as leverage to get me to keep doing their dirty work. I got her out, which means I'm out too, for good," he confirms solemnly, "I've found a place for us where we might actually have a shot at a normal-ish life."

You stare at him wide-eyed.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying...I'm all she has left. She needs me. And I need you," he says, gently rubbing your upper arms, "Before, I couldn't give you the life you deserved. But this could be my second chance. I think I might have finally gotten to the top of the hill, and I want you there with me."

"Oh Court, I don't know..." you hesitate, mind reeling, "I don't know anything about raising a kid."

He grins. "Neither do I. We can figure it out together. I mean there's gotta be a manual or something, right?"

You can't help but snort at the idea. Just as more protests are forming on your tongue, he gives you a look so disarming that you forget the words entirely.

"Come away with me, Y/N."

He takes your hand in his.

"It won't be easy, and it definitely won't be perfect. I know I've got no right to ask you to leave everything behind. But I've loved you from the very beginning, and I will protect you with everything I have."

His vow brings tears to your eyes. He laid his heart bare, and in doing so, he'd banished the last of your meager doubts.

"Well, when you put it that way," you say.

You grab the collar of his jacket in your fists and pull him into a kiss. He hums in pleasant surprise and laces his fingers through your hair. After another heated moment of rediscovery, you at last loosen your grip and surface from the embrace.

"Is that a yes?" he chuckles.

"It is," you answer, your smile becoming nervous as your thoughts turn to the future, "Do you think Claire will like me?"

"Oh, don't worry, she's going to love you," he smirks, letting you go and walking over to the window. "Honestly, I'm not sure I'm going to survive you two. This was probably a bad idea."

"Now I really I can't wait to meet her," you tease.

Your amusement fades, however, as you watch him part the curtain and cautiously peer up at the surrounding rooftops.

Dread stirs in the pit of your stomach.

"How much time do we have?" you ask.

"We should probably get you packed up," he says over his shoulder.

"Really? I thought we'd at least have tonight. Are you being followed right now?"

"Not yet. No one knows about this place. But the longer I'm here, the greater the possibility that changes," he frowns, "I need to get back to Claire. I took a risk coming here. She can't be alone for long."

You mind begins to race as your gaze darts around your apartment and belongings. The framed pictures scattered across the walls of old friends and family you hardly see suddenly meant more than anything tucked away in the safe beneath your bed. But could you even take them? Would having any ties to your old life be too dangerous?

Old life. The thought makes your head spin.

"This is happening so fast," you say as you rub your temples, "I never thought I'd just leave everything. I don't even know what to take with me."

"Hey," he says, stepping back over to you, "It's alright. Listen, I know I got caught up in pouring out my dumb old heart a minute ago, but you don't have to do this, Y/N. If you want to stay, I understand."

"No, I'm coming with you," you deny, "I want to be with you, no matter where we have to go. I've never wanted anything more. You have made it to the top, Court, and I wouldn't miss the view for anything."

All this time, you had been the only refuge in the world for "Sierra Six". Now, more than ever, he was becoming yours.

He kisses your forehead softly and smiles down on you.

"How about we just start small, and go from there. Baby steps. Like, maybe a suitcase?" he suggests.

"Sounds good," you agree, "Guess I don't need to pack the kitchen sink for wherever we're going?"

He snickers, "No, we have one of those. Got one in the bathroom too. We even have a toilet."

"I wasn't expecting such luxury," you smirk.

"I mean you have to hold the handle down a little to get it to flush, but other than that," he quips.

"Well, I suppose I'll survive," you say in mock exasperation.

"We do have a TV, so that kinda makes up for it. Plus, I got queen bed all to myself. I might could be persuaded into sharing, though."

You cross your arms, eyeing his suggestive look.

"Is that so?"

"Yeah, but you'll have to sleep on top of the covers. I don't wanna get your girl germs on my sheets."

"Courtland Gentry," you grunt, smacking his arm.

You take off down the hall to your room, and he follows after you laughing.

"What? What'd I say?" he asks, knowing full well.

"Why don't I just sleep on the floor?" you pose.

You bolt over to your dresser and start rummaging through your clothes, keeping your back to him.

"Okay, you're right. That was unfair of me," he concedes.

Biting your lip, you spin around with your eyebrows raised.

He stands in the doorway, pulling a stick of gum from his pocket and unwrapping it, "You can get under the comforter."

You throw a shirt at him, shaking your head.

"Shut up and help me pack."

He pops the gum in his mouth and smiles.

"Yes ma'am."

[normansnt]

As you've likely seen by now, I've been reblogging nearly every Hazbin fic you have, which I apologize if that bothers you at all. I simply see a lack of the x male reader department for this show, which is ironic considering mostly all the characters are queer and so are the creators. So thank you for what you write and how well you write it! I was hoping I could make a request for a part two of a fic I rather liked "(Vox x bar tander!Male reader)" this one specifically. The reader left off having their soul contract bought and offered to be a bartender at the Vee's private bar, and I was wondering what would happen from there?

HIIIIII

THANK YOU FOR THE REQUEST

Im really sorry it took so long😭

Also THANK YOU SO MUCH for the reblogs is doesn't bother me at all IM SO HAPPY YOU LIKE MY WRITING💗💗

I HOPE YOU LIKE IT, I THINK IT TURNED OUT PRETTY GOOD😌

ENJOY READING LOVELY PEOPLE

Warnings: Attempted Rape, violance V@lentino

Habit of saving

as a thank you pt.2

Vox x bartender!male reader

"I just dont fucking understand why the fuck you prefer the company of a lowly bartender over mine"

You hear Valentino's yelling from the other room, again.

This was not uncommon. Since you became the bartender in the Vees manor Vox visited the bar more often than before.

You guys spent hours talking and just because of the drinks either, he barely drunk anything cuz he was busy talking to you.

However, this of course annoyed Valentino. He wanted Vox's attention purely on himself.

"I don't." Said Vox, you know, like a lier.

"Work has just been really stressful lately and I need more drinks than before."

This was all lies. But Vox was not in the mood to be taking Valentino's shit, he would much rather go get a drink with you.

"Bullshit, I know how your work is and you blame everything on it, you dont even want to fuck me anymore are you a fucking moron do you know how many people want to get with ME."

And here he goes again. Vox was a little embarrassed though. It was true that since you arrived he was never in the mood to do it with Val, but he found himself having much more sex dreams with you.

He got red at the thought of that.

"You know what, I don't fucking care, go be happy with your boy toy; but don't you dare forget that you are where you are because of me." Ended the Argument Valentino as he grabbed a bottle from above your head, and walked out of the room.

You were silent during the whole argument. You knew it was not smart to start defending Vox you tried that once and, well, Vox had to stich you up afterwards.

"Care for a drink, sir?" You asked Vox. He was still, just standing in the middle of the room looking at the door.

He felt weird. Well, not weird, happy. But that was strange. Usually he felt guilty or annoyed when Valentino stormed off after a fight, usually he wanted to go after him. But not now. Now he felt...calm. Relieved even. He really wanted to sit down and have that drink with you.

"Yes, I would love a drink, and I've told you multiple times to call me Vox."

"Yeah I know but I didn't want to risk Val still hearing it." You chuckled.

"So, the usual, Vox?"

"Obviously." He answered back.

"Are you ok?" You asked as you poured his drink. You two were close enough for this not to be an awkward question. You were the bartender, you have comforted him after a night of drunken crying and put him to bed multiple times. He always asked you to stay. You never did. You just didn't feel ready yet.

"Getting better by the day, his antics don't affect me as strongly anymore." He commented calmly.

"I'm glad." You gave him his drink and you two continued talking.

And you talked, long into the night. Vox got a bit drunk again.

"All right mister I think it's time to get you to bed." You said smiling softly as you were about to jump from behind the bar and help him to his room.

"I can take care of him." Came a creepy calm voice from the door way. You saw Valentino.

He had a fake smile on his face. You knew this was trouble but he was kind of your boss.

"All right, sir." You just answered quietly, as Val took Vox and started to take him to his room.

"What-no, you-- (Y/N)--I, don't"

Vox mumbled drunken.

When they left the room you had a silent debate with yourself.

Yes Val was your boss. But you knew that taking advantage of someone while they're drunk was not below him.

"Fuck it" you mumbled to yourself as you jumped from behind the bar and tried to quietly run after them.

Thankfully you found them when they were about to enter the room.

When they got in you made sure to put your foot between the door and the frame so it doesn't close.

You peered into the room and you saw Val throw Vox onto the bed.

"You fucking whore, you couldn't keep your hands of the cute bartender boy could you."

He started angrily as he stepped onto Vox's screen, breaking it. You already wanted to barge in there when you saw this but when he started unbuckling his belt, thats when you snapped.

You jumped on Val, literally. And while the man might be powerful he had close to no muscles so he crumbled under you.

You knew you had close to no chance of winning. But you didn't care. You had to save Vox.

You tried to cut off Val's breathing by holding onto his neck for dear life. You might have been physically stronger he was still an overlord. A very powerful one.

You expected to be thrown down onto the floor any minute when the struggling finally stopped.

Your eyes opened widely as you hurriedly got off of Valentino.

You started panicking. What the fuck did you just kill an overlord? No, no there is no way he is so powerful why didn't he stop you.

You kneeled down and checked for a heart beat.

When you felt faint beating a boulder fell off your shoulder.

"Thank fuck" you commented to yourself. He probably just passed out.

But still why didn't he stop you.

You thought about it a but when it hit you. He was probably batshit drunk himself. You saw that when he walked away from the bar he barely managed to walk straight.

You were still panting.

You looked over at Vox and a strong feeling of sadness filled you.

You stepped over Vals passed out form and lifted up Vox.

He was lighter than you thought. You carried him all the way to your room where you knew you had a first aid kit.

Sure you could have just bring the first aid kit to him but you were not going to leave him alone with Valentino jot even for a second. Not even when they're both passed out.

After you put Vox's screen back together and batched him up you laid him down onto your bed.

This gave you time to think things through.

Even you couldn't explain to yourself why you cared about Vox this much.

Its true you have become very close during your time working here.

But there are people who you have known longer yet do not love as much as him.

...love?

You love him?

"(Y/N)"

While you were occupied with your thought you didn't notice the time. It was morning already.

"Yeah, Vox?"

"What the fuck happened?" He asked as he started touching his patched up screen.

You told him everything. You also told him that you will very likely have to leave because once Val wakes up...you don't want to know what he'll do to you.

"He can't do anything your soul is mine you are under my protection." He said firmly. He sat silently after that. Like someone who is contemplating something.

"Can I ask you something?"

He asked after a long silence.

"Of course"

"Why did you save me?"

This surprised you.

"Well, I mean I know what Val is like and...I just did what any normal person would do really-"

"No. You know no one in hell would to that for the demon that owns their soul. Not to mention this was the second time you saved me."

"...I honestly don't know why I did it the first time; I guess I just felt like...I dont know"

"And the second time."

You couldn't answer this. You knew the answer but you didn't want to say it.

"Well, you are a nice boss you treat me with kindness and-"

"No one would attack a powerful overlord just to safe their boss who is just 'nice'; try answering truthfully this time."

Well fuck. You knew Vox was a smart man but that didn't help you in this situation.

"I..." you didn't know what to do. You could come up with another lie but he would detect it no problem.

"I love you" you blurted out before you could stop yourself. The moment the words left your lips you smacked your hands onto your lips.

"I'm sorry sir I will leave-"

Vox took your hand in his when you wanted to stand up and pulled you towards him.

With one swift movement he placed his lips on your in a tender kiss.

You have never kissed a screen before but you were pretty sure it wasn't supposed to be like this.

His lips were soft but cold. It was an amazing kiss.

"Oh, you're not going anywhere." Said Vox while he let out a little chuckle.

"Because I love you too."

[lucy90712]

Only here to party- Pedri

Deciding to study abroad was a hard decision to make but I knew it was best for me to move off the island and broaden my horizons by moving to England. As much as studying abroad was a good idea studying biology has turned out to be a bad decision I barely have any free time I never get to go out and I can never come home as I am always so busy. However now that the year has come to an end and it's summer break I can finally go home for a couple months and boy am I ready to have the best summer ever. 

I am going to make this summer the best few months of my life I want to spend nearly every day with my friends and go out as much as possible. The entire summer is going to be about going out and having fun not a single mention of university and definitely no boys. I tried dating a guy at university but he cheated on me with multiple people one being one of my friends so unless I don't want to get involved with any boys. Heartbreak is not on my to do list and I've told my friends to not let me get attached and they will definitely stick to that as they can be harsh with me when they need to be.

After getting back yesterday tonight is our first girls night out and I couldn't be more excited. I've spent pretty much all day getting ready I woke up late as I was tried from my flight but after that I showered, washed my hair, shaved pretty much everything. It's been a long while since I got dressed up at all but I still have all of my dresses and nice makeup which are definitely going to get a lot of use these next few months. I was really feeling myself so I picked my absolute favourite dress I own it's a bit short and quite form fitting but I want to look and feel good so I don't really care what anyone else thinks about me. I'm not one for wearing much makeup but I decided to put on a bit more than I usually would as I was feeling adventurous. 

It took me a good while but once I was ready I got my shoes on and made my way to the club which is only just down the road from my place so I decided to walk. The rest of the girls live a bit further out so we agreed to meet at the club as they were all coming together. Just as I got to the club a taxi pulled up with all of my friends in, we hadn't seen each other since I left last summer so there was a lot of hugs and a lot of catching up we need to do. 

"You look gorgeous girl that post break up glow is making you look magical" one of my friends said 

"All the guys in the club are going to be looking at you" another added 

"Thank you guys you all look amazing too but remember I don't want to be involved with any new guy so if you see me getting too close with someone stop me" I said 

"You got it girl no men we won't let you get hurt again" my best friend said 

We headed into the club and I was dragged straight to the bar to get a drink or maybe two whatever it takes to get me slightly tipsy. I'm not here to get drunk out of my mind I just want to have some fun and enjoy my life as I haven't done that in nearly a year. It was clear very quickly that there was a lot of guys in the club were staring at me but I didn't take any notice some of them were cute but not cute enough for me to change the one rule I set for myself this summer. My friends however are not following the same rules as me so they all quickly ran off to find a guy that took their fancy. That left me alone but it didn't bother me I can handle myself as I'm used to doing that when I'm back in England. I decided to dance for a bit and found my best friend on the dance floor so we danced together for a bit but at some point she went to the bathroom and never came back but I saw her talking to some guy that was definitely her type so I left her be. 

Seeing as the group had broken apart I took myself back to the bar to just sit and watch over them all just to make sure nothing bad happened. As I was watching the dance floor I made eye contact with a guy who sent me a smile. He was very attractive exactly my type with his brown eyes and hair and his slight beard that somehow made his features stand out even more. I quickly realised I was staring at him and stopped myself because I could feel myself being drawn to him but I don't want to find someone to get attached to. He clearly noticed my staring as the next thing I knew he was taking a seat next to me at the bar and flashing that smile that drew my attention in the first place. 

"Hey I'm Pedro can I buy you a drink?" He asked 

"Sure I'm y/n by the way" I said 

He ordered another of what I had drunk before and a drink of his own and we were also given free food.

"You must be well known here to get free things" I joked

"Wait you don't recognise me" he said 

"No am I supposed to" I said 

"No it's just most people here seem to know who I am" he said 

"Well now I need to know I feel left out" I laughed 

"I'm a footballer for Barcelona and for Spain I go by a nickname though the name Pedri might be more familiar to you" he said 

"I have heard that name but I'm not into football sorry to bruise your ego" I said 

"I like it people who don't care who I am are much more fun to be around" he smiled 

We continued talking he asked about my life and once I told him I was studying in England there was a lot he wanted to know. I asked him a few questions about his life as it's not everyday you meet a footballer especially in Tenerife but he wanted to focus the conversation on me. It was quite clear that there was a connection between us and really to stick to my rules I should stop talking to him but I can't help myself. It would feel wrong to leave this here and not give Pedri a chance especially as both of us don't live in Tenerife so it's not like we could run into each other once I think I'm ready to date again. Sometimes our plans don't line up with what the universe has set out for us and I don't want to ruin something that could go somewhere even if we only end up as friends Pedri is a cool person to be friends with. 

One by one my friends came to find me and say they were leaving with whoever they had met leaving me with Pedri. So much for them stopping me from getting attached to someone but honestly I kind of appreciate it I definitely would've fought them if they tried to take me away from Pedri. Once we reached the early hours of the morning both of us wanted to go home Pedri offered to walk me home and I wasn't going to say no to spending more time with him so we walked down the road together. As we got to the door I was starting to wish I lived further from the club so I could spend more time with Pedri. 

"I know both of us won't be here for long so can I have your number I'd love to see you again before we both leave" he asked 

"Of course give me your phone and I'll put my number in" I said 

I did just that and once I had put my number in we said goodbye and Pedri promised he'd text me in the morning. 

~~~~~~~~~~

This summer has flown by I have been back home for 2 months but I leave again in a few days and I'm really sad about it. My summer has gone completely differently to how I imagined it would too I was expecting to spend time mostly with my friends out at the beach most days and then going out drinking on the weekends but I have done that like 3 times. I have seen my friends and spent time on the beach but I've spent more of my time with Pedri. When I told my friends about Pedri they weren't shocked that I broke my rule in fact they told me that they saw me with him and were going to drag me away but once they saw how happy I was they let me be. If it wasn't for them I probably wouldn't have spent as much time as I have with Pedri they were the ones to tell me to just go for it and see where things go as I won't get another chance like this and that turned out to be good advice.

Pedri and I have spent so much time together we've seen each other nearly every day and we text each other constantly. In the last month we have been on a few dates all of which have been amazing. Whenever we spend time with our friends they are always telling us to get a room as we are pretty much attached at the hip, Pedri has developed a habit of having his hand on my waist pretty much at all times which I'm not complaining about as I love it. Over the last two months I've really fallen for Pedri and I'd like to think he feels the same way the trouble is we both have to leave at some point and I don't know if things will be the same when we can't see each other all the time. 

Today is the last day Pedri and I can see each other has we both leave in a few days so we need some time to pack. He invited me to his for the day as he has a pool so we can swim together and just sit outside in the sun all day. Pedri wanted me to come over early so I had to drag myself out of bed and to his place but it was worth it as he had breakfast ready for both of us and he greeted me with a kiss which always makes my morning better. 

After having some breakfast we both got into swimwear and got into the pool. More often than not we don't really do any swimming we just float around in the water and today was no different. I leant against the side in the shallowest part of the pool as that's where I can touch the bottom and Pedri stood in front of me with his arms around my waist. His hair was wet but somehow he still looked incredible possibly better than he looks on any normal day which is saying something. We were just staring at each other sharing the odd kiss but I could tell Pedri was thinking about something he had the look in his eye that I've learnt means he's deep in thought considering something. 

"What are you thinking about?" I asked 

"Oh nothing just daydreaming" he said 

"I know that's a lie you have that thinking expression of yours tell me what's on your mind" I said 

"What's going to happen to us when we both leave?" He asked 

This is the question I have been thinking about myself and dreading having to answer. I don't want to end things with Pedri but is long distance going to work. I'm always so busy and I know he is too so will we even get to see each other and if we don't will we just fall out of love. There is so many questions and most of which we won't know the answer to unless we give things a try. 

"I don't know I really like you and I've enjoyed these last two months more than the rest of the last year but we would have to be long distance" I said 

"I know it won't be easy but if you are willing to I'd love to try long distance I don't just want to let what we have go this feels special more than just a holiday romance" he said 

"If you're willing to give it a go then so am I but we need to communicate well and be ready not to see each other that often" I said 

"I will do anything to make this work we can FaceTime every night and any breaks we have we can visit each other we can make this work" he said 

"Then let's do it" I said 

"First though I have something I want to ask" he said 

"What's that" I questioned 

"Will you be my girlfriend?" He asked 

"I would love to" I replied leaning in to kiss him

[storm-angel989]

Outside The Office Part Thirty Five

Hi All,

I've been siting on this one for a hot minute to make sure it was perfect! Huge shout out to @absolut3lyn0t for all the encouragement in getting this one done! Enjoy <3

Two weeks later I stood in front of the final batch of recruits. Dressed in my Velvette designed military reds, my voice echoed with each order I barked. Although my focus should have been on the final batch of souls following my every command, for the briefest of moments, my mind flitted to Valentino, and the events of the past two weeks. Our routine had been consistent, a constant reminder that unlike the past, I didn’t have to handle this alone. 

At my insistence, Vox had provided me with an updated workout plan. Not only did Valentino join me in the gym each morning, our time after became more intense, desperate. We both felt the stress of the upcoming battle and had taken to taking it out with each other, in the bedroom. If nothing else, we both showered together afterwards as we basked in the release that only came from loving someone as intensely as we loved each other. 

“Left. Right. Up!” I hollered. The group in front of me was the worst of the worst, and last of the last when it came to overall scores. They were not entirely hopeless, nor would they be helpless if they were called upon to serve, but they were not nearly as promising as the others I had worked with. They would be kept in reserve for emergencies.  Bodies if I needed them.

I really hoped I didn’t. 

From across the room, I could feel his eyes on me the second they entered the room.  Valentino. He didn’t belong here, and he knew better than to bother me. I felt a twinge in my chest as I kept going. I didn’t break my focus, or even acknowledge his presence. I couldn’t. But the emotions I felt when he was around were stronger than anything I had ever had to suppress. Biting back the yearning I had to turn around, we continued until the bell rang, releasing them for an hour. 

Their lunch. My time to analyze. 

“There is something incredibly sexy about watching you take command, cariño,” Valentino purred as he put a hand on my shoulder. 

I turned around. For a second, my heart threatened to soften, to melt into his arms where only love and safety remained. 

Instantly, I shut it down. I was a soldier. Nothing more. 

“Valentino, I do not have time to…” I began as coldly as I could. My words failed me. “You don’t belong here.”

“Actually he does and you do,” Lucifer’s voice cut from across the room. “Have time, I mean. You will be accompanying Valentino to a conference, go tie up some loose ends.”

I felt my interest pique. “Did you get any of the Sin’s to agree to a meeting?”

Lucifer waved his hand impatiently. “You’ll see. Go, now. You’re going to be late.” 

I gritted my teeth. I didn’t have time for this. This wasn’t in the plan, or the routine. I began to protest, but Lucifer cut me off with a glare. 

“Go. Before I get mad,” he said. “I have everything handled. Now shoo.”

I watched him strut away and tried to contain the anger that threatened to bubble beneath the surface. He had no right, absolutely no right to…

My fury was interrupted by the feeling of Valentino’s hand slipping into mine. Involuntarily, I relaxed. 

“Follow me, princessa,” he said softly as he kissed my cheek. “It’s quite important, and Lucifer is right. We don’t want to be late.” 

I sighed as I surveyed the empty room, and my mind raced in thirty thousand different directions. But from where I stood, I really didn’t have much of a choice.  

“Fine, Val, but I look like crap. Not really meeting worthy,” I grumbled finally. 

A smile twitched on his face. “Princessa, you always look perfect.”

Behind the closed doors in the elevator, I felt that harsh exterior melt away. I laid my head against Valentino’s chest and he wrapped his arms around me. I could feel something inside of me settle. Maybe it was biological- his heartbeat slowed mine down. Or maybe it was simply the feeling, the knowledge that everything would be okay as long as I had him by my side.

“Who are we meeting with?” I asked into his shoulder. “Can you tell me?” 

“You’ll see, bebita,” he replied as he cradled me against him. His hand fell to the back of my head and he kissed me gently. “Take a breath for a moment, my love. I’ve got you.”

The elevator opened and he released me with a final kiss. He kept his hand in mine as we stepped out. I expected to be in Vox’s office, but instead I was hit by the bright rays of Hell’s sun. 

“Our meeting is on the rooftop?” I asked as he tugged me out the door. 

“Our date is on the rooftop,” he corrected softly. 

In a heartbeat, the rest of my body relaxed. Everything I had been that morning, every harsh word, every instance of the person I needed to be melted away. A date? Just the two of us? It had been months since we had actually done something like this. I laid my head against his shoulder again and he wrapped his arm around my waist as he kissed my forehead. 

“Come with me, mi amore,” he said gently as he led me down the gray stone pathway. 

I took a deep breath of fresh air and allowed myself to feel the warmth of the sun. The rooftop itself was always pretty, done up with bushes and flowers, smaller plants and sporadically placed iron tables and chairs.  It technically wasn’t the most secure location in the V tower, and I had only been up there a handful of times, mostly to grab Vox or Velvette, or when Vox gave me the option to work next to him up there. 

But today it was decorated iridescently. Every flower seemed to be in bloom, and the scattering of tables was absent. Instead, in the center of the garden sat one iron table covered in a flowy white table cloth, a small vase of flowers centered in the middle. 

“It looks so pretty, Val. Did you do this all for me?” I asked as I leaned my body into his. 

He kissed my cheek, “I’m not done yet. Come, mi amore. Vox’s rose’s have bloomed, I want to show them to you before we eat.” 

“This is too much Val,” I protested as he continued down the pathway. “Really, you didn’t need to…”

“It's no more than what you deserve, babygirl,” he interrupted as we walked arm in arm.

Vox’s Roses. The name it’s self was a kind of contradiction. My first visit to the rooftop Vox made it a point to show off the bursting blue, black and red flowers, and the stunning fountain they surrounded. This variety, he explained, was one of his favorites, genetically engineered to bloom year round, but they required a nearby water source to be their brightest. Although he lacked the time to cultivate them himself, he paid someone to take meticulous care of and comply with his directions to ensure their never ending beauty. 

As I admired the blossoms,  I noticed something ever so slightly different from the fountain that kept them thriving. Four V’s the flowers wove around, instead of the former three. Without turning around, I pointed out the difference. 

“I thought we’d make it official- I want to add an extra V to the tower too,” he replied from behind me. “Once all this blows over and the public sees you less of a toy and more at my wife. Our fourth V. At least, I hope that's what you choose.”

Wait, did he say wife?

I whirled around to face him and put my hands over my mouth to contain my gasp at the sight. 

Valentino, knelt down on one knee with a box in his outstretched hand. Inside, a ring glittered- diamonds surrounded by more diamonds.

“There is no one else I want to do life with than you, reader. No one else in this world makes my heart feel the way that you do. I want to commit to you forever. Will you marry me?”

I didn’t have to think of the answer. “Yes.” I jumped into his arms, “yes, yes yes!” 

He caught me and slipped the ring on my finger. Our lips met and for just a moment, all was perfect. He chose me. He. Chose. Me. 

“Val, it’s beautiful,” I breathed as I admired the ring. 

“Not nearly as beautiful as you, princessa.” he replied as a smile played across his face. “Come along my love, the day is ours.”

In that moment, reality crashed around me. I stopped in my tracks as the sinking feeling in my stomach surrounded me. I shook my head as I took a step away from him.  “But the battle. I have things to do and…”

His arms pulled me to him and he pressed his hand to the back of my head as he cradled me to his chest. 

“Everything else can wait. Today we celebrate our love and enjoy our time together.”

His reassurance was all I needed to relax. The next few hours passed in a blur of snuggles, cuddles, snacks and kisses. A picnic in front of the roses, and a table that seemed to have magically filled with tiny treats to share. For the briefest of moments, there was no battle. There was no chaos, or carnage. There was nothing in the world but Valentino and I.

Laying on a picnic blanket he tossed down in the rose garden, the back of my head rested against him, our eyes looking up  towards the red yellow sky. His hand slipped into mine and raised it as he once again admired the ring on my finger. 

 “Why now?” I asked as we laid together in the rare quietness of the outside world. “Why did you choose me, propose to me today?” 

“Because, Princessa. The day you got sick I realized…” he hesitated. “I realized I truly couldn’t see myself living life, getting married, having a child with anyone but you. You make my heart feel something no other being has ever made me feel, and I decided that I want to be this intimate with no one else but you ever.” He squeezed my hand. “This commitment is the biggest commitment one can make in hell.” 

His words piqued my interest as I snuggled up to him once more. I laid my head on his chest and closed my eyes as I listened to the steady thumping underneath the thin layer of his black button up. “What do you mean, Val? Is marriage in hell different from marriage in heaven?”

I could hear the pace of his heart quicken and I looked up to see a concerned expression across his face. He exhaled slowly and closed his eyes. 

“Sometimes, princessa. I forget just how little you actually know about us. About this world we live in.” 

“What do you mean, Val?” 

He pushed us upright and crossed his legs. I crawled into his lap and he tucked me under him as he spoke. 

“Some parts of the marriage process are the same as on heaven or Earth. Engagement, Proposal. Wedding reception. But the actual marriage ceremony is much different. Unlike the other worlds, where a marriage contract can be broken, ours cannot.” He ran a hand down my back protectively. “Our marriage contract is jointly signed in our own blood and effectively binds our souls together. We are owned and bound to each other in every sense of the word the moment our blood touches that paper.” 

I felt panic wash over me.  “Wait. Does this mean if I die, you die? Because Val, with everything coming up there is a very real chance that…” 

He pressed the palm of my hand over my mouth and shook his head, “no. The words “till death do us part”, ironically are still part of the deal in the truest sense of the word. The only way this contract truly ends is in death.” He smiled and moved his hand to my cheek. “It’s worth it to mention though that if you were to ever intentionally harm or hurt me, or vice versa the other would be repaid in pain tenfold. A failsafe catch all to ensure the enforcement of this contract isn’t due to either party.” 

“Do many demons get married?”

He shook his head. “No. The commitment is too great. And why bother? It is hell, after all. But I suppose not many feel the way I do about you, mi amore.” He paused and pulled his hand away.  The worry on his face intensified. “I’m sorry. I should have found a way to make sure you knew about the depths of this before I proposed. You can still say no, if you wan-” 

I climbed into his lap and cut him off with a kiss. “No, Valentino. My heart belongs to you. Now, forever, and always. The intensity of the commitment matches the love I feel for you. I promise.” 

His expression softened and he kissed me again before slowly pulling back. “Then lets do this. Tonight. Lucifer has agreed to write the final marriage contract- and Vox and Velvette have agreed to witness it. It will be a small ceremony, as is tradition, and then when we get back from this battle, we’ll have a big party. Celebrate both our victory and our union. What do you think, princessa?” He hesitated. “I understand if you want time to consider. It’s a bigger commitment than you realized.”

Again, my response was instantaneous. 

“I don’t want to wait another minute to be bound to your soul, Val.” I replied, squeezing his hand and kissing him again. “I love you.”

“I’d hoped you would say that.”

[klaprisun]

One Sunny Day

(Stardew Valley) (Haley x Female Farmer)

Chapter 12

The rest of the week was me tending to my farm and working on getting my house looking presentable. For three days, I had woken up to Robin working on the renovations I requested. I finally have a kitchen and bedroom now. My bed's been pushed over to the other room, and I threw my groceries into the fridge, in the cupboards, and on my counter.

A few of my crops were harvestable as well. I got to sell some of those and purchase furniture. There is now a couch and wallpaper to make it feel more cozy and inviting. It's actually pretty spacious now with the renovations complete.

The townsfolk have also really warmed up to me as well. They've sent me plenty of things in the mail to help my career, and also recipes since I now have a kitchen.

I have even tried visiting the mines up in the mountains. It's not fun there. There were so many creepy crawlies that attacked me down there. I didn't think I'd make it out alive. I figured out what the Hat Mouse was talking about as well with the museum. I found things in the rocks I've broken open with my pickaxe that are supposed to go in the museum. I haven't found everything yet, but I found quite a bit.

I haven't seen Haley around town for a bit either. Our paths just haven't crossed like they have been lately. I guess I wouldn't find her going to the mines though. That's probably the last place I'd see her.

When I was up near the mines, I took a little adventure to the train station area and noticed there was some sort of building by it that I hadn't noticed before. That's where I was heading to today since I need a break from all the work I've been doing. There are a lot of places I haven't explored yet and that building is one of them.

The sign above the door of the building says 'Bath' in bold letters with a bunch of writing beneath it. I didn't bother reading, I just walked in. My curiosity got the best of me.

The room I entered felt like a scene from a horror movie. It's dimly lit with two doors directly across from me. Besides a picture of a bathtub between the two doors, there were no other decorations.

I walked up to the two doors to get a closer look. One has a 'W' sign plastered on it while the other has an 'M' one. I tug on the door with the 'W' not expecting it to open, but it does. The force of my tug flings it wide open, nearly knocking me over in the process.

Inside, there is a long row of stalls on the right side, with a small locker area on the left. I toss my bag into one of them and keep walking down a hallway. I pass by a large vanity and shower room, and reach a small change room. There seems to be a set of clothes neatly folded up on one of the stools. Unfortunately, I was unprepared to go swimming and didn't bring a bathing suit. I stripped off my clothes so I could just go in my bra and panties. At the other end of the change room was another door which I assume led to the bath/spa. I push open the door and walk in.

The bath area was unexpectedly, insanely large. Gentle music plays over speakers scattered around the room and steam from the heat of the bath floods the air, giving it a relaxing vibe. There are a few chairs facing the bath area at the front of the room for lounging if taking a dip isn't what you are in the mood for. The side deck of the bath leads all the way around the water area, so I start pacing around, examining the water before getting in. I came to a narrowed area of the bath and walked around the corner that leads to another large water lounging area. It's not as big as the first area though, but still pretty big.

A mess of blonde hair tied up in a claw clip sticks out of the water, along with a pair of bare shoulders with frilly straps wrapping over them. There appears to be a bottle of wine behind her on the bath deck. She hasn't noticed me walking in yet.

"Hey Haley," I call out, making my voice echo against the walls of the bath. Haley screams and flails around to look at me.

"What are you doing here?! You scared me!" she slurs. She is definitely drunk.

"I saw this place when I came in on the train and decided to finally check it out." I responded. I still haven't gotten in the bath yet. Haley doesn't seem to mind because she is aggressively checking me out. The farm work has really toned my body some and I have slight abs now.

"You have such a good looking body..." Haley completely disregarded what I had just said. She is now leaning her head down on her hands on the ledge of the deck, staring up at me with admiration. She holds her hand up to me for me to take. Obediently, I bend over to take her hand and walk down the steps next to her that lead into the water. She doesn't let go of my hand and drags me over to her bottle of wine. "Want some?"

Handing the bottle over without me even answering, I take it out of her hands and open it. There was only about a drop left. I look over to her and raise my eyebrow.

"Oops. It was full when I got here..." she giggles.

I put the bottle back on the ledge and prop my elbows up behind me on the same ledge. I watch Haley dance over to me and put her arms around my neck.

"You know... Alex and I would come here to... you know..." she puts her hands up in front of my face and motions a finger into a hole made by her other fingers, "... you're lucky you didn't catch us doing that."

I made a disgusted face. I hope they clean the water of this place. "I'm sure glad I didn't walk in on that. That is not a sight I'd want to see," I awkwardly say.

"What? You don't want to see all this?" she boldly undoes her bikini and slips her top off. I quickly avert my gaze to the wall.

"Haley, put your top back on. You are drunk," I demand politely, "you will be extremely embarrassed tomorrow by the decisions you are making right now."

"I doubt it," she takes my face in her hands and turns my head so I am looking into her eyes. Her cheeks are rosy from the heat of the bath as well as from the alcohol flowing through her. I try really hard to keep my eyes on hers and not look down. "You need to relaaaaxx, that's what this place is for. It's not like you haven't seen boobs before."

"Yeah but-" I begin. Haley puts her finger to my lips before I can finish my sentence.

"Relax. Turn around," she spins me around before I could protest or question her. She takes my shoulders into her hands and starts massaging. Instantly feeling relaxed, I hunch over and lean on the bath deck.

Her soft hands move all over my back and neck. She has traced every prominent muscle on my back, as well as played connect the dots with my freckles. Not only do I have severe goosebumps all over, I have nearly fallen asleep once or twice.

"You really do have such a nice body," she says again as she traces my shoulder blade.

"Are you jealous?" I mumble while giving her a sleepy flex of my bicep. The flex always makes her giggle and blush. Without even seeing her, I can picture her reaction.

"In a way..." her hands travel down my arms causing more goosebumps to arise.

"Just work on a farm. You'll get this body no problem," I sit up and smack my bicep a couple times. "Might take some time since you are so dainty and perfect, but you'd get there."

"So if I work on a farm...I'd get your body?" She questions me with a hint of sing song in her voice.

"I mean yeah that's what I just said," I tease, "you'll be all muscly and ripped in no time. Not sure why you'd want to be-"

"That's not what I meant."

That causes me to whip around with a face of shock. Haley is giving me a little smirk and looking at my lips. Since I am facing her now, she traces along my collarbone.

"I- um-" I'm at a loss for words. Her hand has traveled to just above my chest. When sober Haley finds out what happened, she'd freak. "Listen, I'm not rejecting you, but you are drunk. You won't remember anything you are saying to me and you'll regret everything you even said." I respond softly, taking her by the shoulders and backing her up.

I think Haley has realized what she has said. Her face drops and she kind of stares off into the distance with tears welling up in her eyes. "I- I- didn't... mean that. I'm sorry." She grabs her bikini top, throws it back on, grabs the wine bottle and leaves.

I sink down so the water is just over my shoulders, and put my head in my hands. I remain that way for the rest of the day.

[regulus-books]

part one | part two

wc: 602

warnings: none that I can think of

Regulus and James have been arguing a lot recently. For example, two weeks ago James told Regulus he'd be back at his dorm at 10:00 sharp. Regulus didn't bother asking where he was going, no, not until 1:30 in the morning when James had finally arrived back.

"James?" Regulus had asked, looking around the dark room before flipping on the light next to James' bed.

"Sorry, Reg, did I wake you?" James muttered, taking off his shoes and jumper before crawling next to Regulus in his bed. Regulus stood up, ignoring his question.

"Where were you, James?" He asked, his fingers stabbing into the bridge of his nose.

"With Lily, she was helping me with potions homework." James said, pushing his glasses up on his nose.

"Really, James? You couldn't have sent me a quick letter to tell me you were gonna be gone longer? And potions? I'm the best at potions!" James rolls his eyes.

"So, what? I was just hanging out with Lily!" Regulus feels his jaw drop.

"I got sick over it, James! I was actually scared sick! And your excuse for being nearly 5 hours late back home is, you wanted to hang out with Evans?" Regulus exclaims, his arms flailing around as punctuation.

"If you were that sick you could've come to her dorm and looked for me."

"I did look for you." James' face pales and he looks down guiltily. "Then my brother had to help me calm down because I was getting sick in his dorm!"

"Look, Reg, I'm sorry, okay?"

He wasn't sorry. He has been doing it every few nights since then, and Regulus is used to it at this point. He shouldn't be. That's unfair. So, tonight, when James gets home almost a full 7 hours past when he said he'd be back, and Regulus is waiting for him.

"James." Regulus says, his eyes are twitching.

"Regulus?" James asks, sitting across from him at the table.

"Choose." James looks puzzled. "Me or Lily." Regulus feels as his throat and chest tighten, he can't do this anymore. He loves James, and James doesn't love him.

"What?"

"Please. Do you want me to go? Me or Lily, James."

"Lily wouldn't make me choose." Regulus nearly chokes on his own breath, staring James in the eyes.

"Right, then." Regulus picks up his beanie off the chair and heads for the door.

"What? Regulus, where are you going?" James, rushes up, trying to block the door.

"Move, Potter. You've made your choice. Lily it is. I want all my stuff back. Soon. I want everything." Regulus tries to push James out of the way, but fails.

"Can't we talk?"

"James I've fucking tried! Lily, Lily, Lily that's all I hear! Why were you out so late? Lily." Regulus lets his pent up tears fall steadily from his eyes. "Why are you nearly 7 hours late home? Lily. What is so special about her James? What does she have that I don't?" James' face crumples and he tries to hug Regulus, who just weakly punches him in the stomach. "Why don't you care about me? Why am I your second choice? The one who's sleeping in your bed at night, isn't the one you want. I want you to be happy, Jamie. Please, I beg of you, choose."

"I can't, Reg, don't you understand?" James swipes Regulus' tears away with the pads of his fingers.

"Then I'm gonna go." Regulus ducks under his arms and leaves the dorm, walking off to his dorm where it's almost unfamiliar because of how little he goes in there.

masterlist / request / idea

[bella-rose29]

Not Your Lover - Chapter 6 (18+ version)

This is the 18+ version of Chapter 6.

For the safer version (whether that be because you're under 18 or just don't want to read it), please go here <3 (I tried my best to make it less explicit, so please please please let me know if I need to edit anymore because I wanna make sure that everybody can enjoy reading)

Word count: 4.2k

Warnings: swearing, sex, like really explicit oral I won't lie to you, look away if you're not comfy with that (I'm sorry), davor is still stalking bc he has no life or personality

Tag list: idk who to tag tbh so I've tagged everyone in the safer part and linked this version to it :)

Y/n and Nikolai had settled into a routine within the first two days of staying in the same room, and he was starting to blur the lines in his head of what was real and what was fake.

It was dangerous, walking this line, especially since one wrong move could ruin everything that the two of them had built, but Nikolai knew that he was extremely close to throwing himself fully past reality. They had kept the pillow wall the first night, but when they had woken in roughly the same position as they had the first time that they shared a bed it made sense to forgo the divider completely. Neither of them appeared to be acknowledging it while asleep, and it saved some effort in the evening when they were getting ready for bed.

Work on the building had continued in much the same way as before, although Nikolai noticed that there was a little more tension in the air than usual. None of this was helped by the fact that he couldn't let his demon out at night anymore, and had resorted to staying late at the mansion after Y/n had headed back to the hotel room so that it stopped giving him a headache. Davor was still watching the two of them, following Nikolai around when he tried to go on a late night walk to take his demon fishing, and it was starting to get annoying. He had half a mind to confront the man, but somehow whenever Nikolai actually wanted to see Davor, he wasn't anywhere to be found. Y/n had mentioned that he was doing the same to her, but she didn't seem nearly as bothered about it.

Currently they were working on the floorboards of the first room, having pulled up the old ones and throwing them out, and Nikolai couldn't help but stare at Y/n every now and then as she worked. His demon snickered at him in his head, and Nikolai muttered a quiet "shut up" under his breath.

"Sorry? Did you say something?"

"Huh? No, nothing."

"Oh. Never mind."

They worked in silence again after that, the only sounds being the new floorboards being put down.

By the time sunset came around a few hours later, they'd managed to lay the whole floor, and Nikolai had replaced the windows, letting in the evening sun. He wiped his brow, wishing more than anything that he could take off some layers (but that would mean showing his scars for longer than a few seconds, and he didn't feel like having that conversation with Y/n yet. She'd probably also stab him or something).

"You alright? You look pretty sweaty."

"Yeah, I'm alright. Hopefully this heatwave brings in tourists," he replied, turning to look at her. That was a mistake, apparently, since he couldn't do anything but think about how gorgeous she looked in the golden light streaming in and lighting up her skin, making her look ethereal.

He was so screwed, and he knew that there wasn't any coming back now. He'd very nearly kissed her the other night, when she'd come in crying about her mother and he'd wiped away her tears, but the demon just had to pick that moment to make a noise. Nikolai had scolded it the whole way back to the hotel, and it had the good grace to at least seem sorry for getting in the way.

It had been a little awkward since, neither of them saying anything about the fact that they had very nearly kissed purely because they felt like it, and the tension was starting to kill Nikolai. They kept waking up tangled in each other too, and although he knew he shouldn't, he held on to her a little longer in the mornings, and his touch lingered a moment more when he passed her things. Whether she'd noticed, he had no idea, but at least she hadn't told him to stop being weird yet.

~~~

Nik was being weird.

He kept staring at Y/n, for one, and every now and then he would hold on to her for longer than fake boyfriends probably should. He was staring now, in fact, although why she had no idea. She was covered in dirt and sweat from working all day, both in the bakery and in the mansion, and she definitely needed a bath. Maybe he was staring at her because of that? Yeah, that made more sense. Although when she looked at him (not that she was sneaking glances or anything), she couldn't deny how gorgeous he looked in the light, the sunset making his golden hair glow.

He kept talking to himself too, and Y/n was starting to worry that he was going mad. She'd talked to Gregor about it that morning, and apparently Nik was doing it while he worked in the workshop. Gregor also looked like he knew something else, but despite Y/n's best efforts she couldn't get it out of him. The man was notoriously good at keeping secrets, but if it was about Nik then she wanted to know.

"I'm sure he'll tell you in his own time, Y/n/n," was all he had said, and Y/n had huffed and left not long after.

She snapped herself out of her thoughts, blush rising when she realised that she'd zoned out looking at him, and turned back to the wall that she was painting. They'd done good work today; Nik had managed to get the new windows in with the help of her father, and the three of them had finished off the floor. Y/n had picked out the paint a while ago, and had made a start on covering the walls.

"You know," she started, and out of the corner of her eye she saw Nik turn to face her. "I think we can do this. How long have we got left now, eight days?"

"Yeah, I think so. There's still the two other rooms to do though. I know they're both clear but it's going to be a stretch to get them done on top of this one. It's taken us this long to get this room nearly ready."

"What happened to mister 'we can do it!', huh? I've got a plan, don't worry."

"Is your plan hiring the entirety of Taya? Because I might be an optimist but this is bordering on impossible."

"I thought that nothing was impossible, only improbable," she quipped, mocking his voice.

"Was that... was that meant to be me?"

"I thought it was an excellent impression. Did you have a problem with it? I mean, personally I thought there were two of you for a moment."

Nik laughed, shaking his head. "You're ridiculous," he said, looking at her fondly. Y/n smiled lightly back at him, and they got lost in each others' gazes. Nik suddenly snapped out of it, whipping his head back to the curtain pole he was adjusting. Y/n moved her own attention back to the wall, feeling her face heat up.

Shit.

~~~

An hour or so later, the sun had fully set, and Nikolai had had to turn the chandelier on in the room so that he and Y/n could continue to work. The demon had, for once, helped Nikolai out, since its laughing at Nikolai and Y/n gazing at each other made him realise what he was doing. He'd quickly gone back to what he was doing, and a moment later he heard the brush of the paint on the wall.

Now they were in separate rooms, and Nikolai had looked to check that the demon wouldn't be seen before letting it out.

"No noise, alright? The second you make a noise you're back in, understood?" The demon had nodded and padded off into a corner of the room, starting to use its tail as a brush, collecting the remaining rubbish on the floor. Nikolai felt proud of it once more, seeing it trying to help, and hoped that it had learned something valuable from working hard. Saints, he sounded like the demon's teacher. Nikolai frowned, shuffling furniture around the room. He supposed he was in a way, teaching it how to be nicer. Maybe he'd be able to let it out more if he knew it would behave. He was glad for the distraction of the demon, since it stopped him from thinking too hard about Y/n, and having to keep half an eye on the little bastard was rather entertaining at times. It was a little like having a child, except the child was quite literally a demonic entity of darkness and destruction that enjoyed ripping people's faces off and generally making their lives complete and utter misery. Nikolai suddenly wondered if that was how Baghra had felt about the Darkling, and shuddered at the thought of baby Aleksander. The demon noticed, growling lowly at its creator, and Nikolai called it over softly, careful not to alert Y/n.

"Come here, that's it, there we go," he whispered, settling on the floor as his demon came and rested its head on his lap. It was strange, doing this, but he could sense that his demon was disturbed by Nikolai's thoughts of the Darkling. While the man had been responsible for the separation between Nikolai and his demon, the latter now shared the resentment that Nikolai harboured. No doubt it was remembering the battle with Fjerda too, and the multiple brushes with death. Since then they had only become closer, reaching an agreement that they would die for each other if needed.

"Nik? You alright in there?" Both Nikolai and his demon turned to look at the doorway where Y/n's voice had come from, and they glanced at each other before the demon crept off into the shadows.

"Yep, I'm alright." He pushed himself off of the floor just as Y/n walked in, paint on her trousers.

"I think I'm gonna head out now, I've done what I can on the walls. You coming?"

"Yeah, sure. Let me just grab my things," he smiled, and she returned it, heading back into the front room. He took the demon back in, telling it to stop fussing and hurry up, and followed her out, collecting his jacket from where he'd slung it over one of the armchairs.

~~~

They made it back to the hotel no problem, although Y/n could have sworn that she saw Davor following them when they went round a corner, and when they were up in Nik's room he pulled out a bottle of kvas and two glasses.

"Drink?"

"Sure."

Davor following them wasn't too disturbing for Y/n, given he was a deeply untrusting person and was probably trying to expose Nik and Y/n's relationship for what it was, but Nik seem more concerned. He brought it up as he poured, passing one glass to Y/n and taking his own over to the sofa in front of the fireplace. Despite the heatwave, the hotel room was somehow freezing (Y/n had no idea how the owners managed it), so they'd lit a fire.

"You really aren't worried about him stalking us?"

"No, not really. Why are you so worked up about it?"

"Um... because it's stalking? It's quite literally illegal. Also, what happens if he finds out none of this is real?"

Her heart hurt at his words, but she quickly dismissed it as nothing. "Nobody will believe him if he says anything, because they like us a whole lot more. Everybody knows he likes stirring up trouble for no good reason, and I've got a reputation, hell, you have a reputation now. We'll be fine." She sipped her kvas, grateful for the burn as it went down. It stopped her thinking too hard about Nik.

"If you're sure," he frowned, and Y/n wanted to smooth the lines on his face with her fingertips. He settled into the sofa next to her having finished fiddling with the fire, and it was cramped enough that his thigh brushed against hers. She pulled her legs up, turning so that her back was resting against the arm and she was facing him. Nik angled his body slightly so that he was looking towards her, shifting in his seat in a way that had Y/n hiding behind her glass and trying desperately to not think too hard about his lap. "You alright?" he asked, amusement in his eyes and a smirk on his face, and Saints damn it she was blushing and he fucking knew it.

"Yeah, I'm alright." He hummed, and Y/n felt her cheeks grow even warmer. "What? I am!"

"Okay! You just look a little... flushed," he responded, and she could hear the laughter in his voice, making her glare at him. "There it is! I've missed that glare," he joked, only succeeding in deepening her frown.

"Fuck off," she muttered as she sipped her kvas, and he laughed, loud and bellowing. Saints, she wanted to make him laugh more often.

Sleeping next to Nik tonight would be difficult, she decided as she watched him.

~~~

A few hours and half a bottle of kvas later, Nik and Y/n had loosened up significantly, and were spilling secrets that she would never dare to tell him were she sober.

He'd confessed that he was absolutely terrified of spiders, having been nicknamed 'Nikolai the spider squealer' by his childhood best friend, and was considered a general menace to society as a small boy.

"Oh yeah, I find that so difficult to believe," Y/n giggled sarcastically, and Nik's responding pout only made her laugh harder.

"What is that supposed to mean? I am an absolute delight to have around!" He put on a look of offence, and Y/n nearly spilled her drink when she held her sides from laughing. "Seriously!" He was laughing now, spluttering as he spoke and unable to get words out properly. A few minutes later when they'd calmed down enough (it took a while since whenever they looked at each other they burst out laughing again), he spoke up again. "Go on, your turn. I think it's been my turn the last three times," he frowned, trying to count in his head. Y/n thought for a moment, before coming up with something.

"Saints, I don't know why I'm even gonna tell you this," she laughed, pressing her hand to her forehead. "Okay. So, basically, I've never... I have never... you know." She waved her hand in the general direction of her lower half. Nik's eyes went wide.

"Wait. You've never had an orgasm?"

"No, I haven't!"

"No wonder you're so fucking grumpy all the time, Saints!"

"Oi! It's not exactly my fault! Davor never could and neither can I, I gave up trying to get myself off like six months ago."

"Bet I could," Nik said, sipping his drink.

"...What?"

"I said I bet I could."

They looked at each other, Nik studying her over his glass and Y/n feeling increasingly flustered at the direction their conversation had taken.

"Prove it."

He said nothing, still just looking her, and she was starting to regret her words. "Sorry. Stupid idea. Forget it." She turned her face away, staring into the fire. He was yet to say anything, and the atmosphere turned awkward.

"Are you?" he said, and Saints, why was his voice so low? "Are you sorry?"

"No," she whispered, and she was hyper-aware of the sound of his glass clinking against the side table as he set it down. She turned to look at him, breath leaving her body at the sight of him closer than before, eyes filled with something dangerous. She put her own glass down, nearly spilling it since she hadn't taken her eyes off of Nik. "Why?"

"Because I want to prove it."

Something snapped then, and Y/n surged forward to grab at his shirt with her hands and pull him in for a kiss. He didn't seem to know what to do with himself for a moment, but after barely a second he was responding, wrapping his arms around her waist as he pulled her into his lap, moaning softly, and Saints she wanted him to do it all over again. Her hands moved up to play with his hair the way that she'd wanted to since their first kiss in the square all those days ago, tangling in the locks and tugging every now and then as his hands grasped her hips. She wasn't sure how long they were there for, exploring each other his their hands and tongues, but every second of it was just as good as she'd imagined. He'd moved her hair out of the way to kiss down her neck, alternating between soft kisses and gently biting the skin, drawing sounds out of her that Davor never could. "Nik," she whispered into his hair, not missing the way his grip tightened on her hips. He slowly dragged his head back up, kissing as he went, before he pressed another to her mouth.

"Yeah?" His pupils were blown, the blue of his eyes nearly non-existent, and his lips were slightly swollen from kissing her.

"You gonna prove it or not?" she breathed, and he could only stare at her for a moment before nodding, and then she felt his hands at the top of her trousers, pulling up the fabric of her shirt. He hadn't taken his eyes off of her, silently asking if this was still alright, and they only broke eye contact when her shirt slipped over her head, landing on the floor a second later. He pulled her back in, kisses a little more gentle than before, and Y/n went to take Nik's shirt off. He hesitated slightly, and she paused, not wanting to make him uncomfortable. "This okay? You don't have to, if it's... I just... wanted to feel you, I guess." She blushed at the admission, and he smiled softly at her.

"It's okay, darling," and Saints she'd forgotten how her stomach dipped at the pet name. "I've just... got a lot of scars," he whispered, and Y/n immediately went to reassure him.

"That's okay. You're helping me out, not talking about your scars. but equally if you wanna do that then I'll listen," she said, pressing a kiss to his forehead, and she practically felt him melt under her. He moved back a little, giving himself room to take his clothes off. Nik paused for a moment, looking at his gloves, then made a decision and yanked them off, chucking them on to the side table next to his discarded drink. He glanced back up at her, waiting for her reaction as he settled his hands lightly on top of her thighs. Y/n could only stare at them, reaching out to hold one with her own hand but not quite touching. Most of the veins were black, and his fingers were the same, and as Y/n finally took hold of his hand, lacing their fingers together and turning his arm in her grip she noticed that the black veins continued partway up his forearms. "What..." She didn't finish, not sure where to go from there. Nik was transfixed by their interlocked hands, and his thumb was stroking hers.

"The Darkling," was his only response, and Y/n didn't know what to do other than press a gentle kiss to his mouth, cupping his face with her free hand. She pulled away, resting her forehead against his, and her hand moved down to rest over his heart.

"Does it hurt?"

"No. Not anymore."

She kissed him again, slow and careful, still holding his hand in hers.

"Do you wanna carry on?"

"Yes," he said into her mouth, hands sliding up higher on her thighs, pulling her closer to him, and Saints, he wasn't lying. She moved her hands to his shirt, tugging at the hem and lifting the fabric all the way off. Her fingers traced the lines of his chest, spending extra time on the scars and marks she found, and Nik's hands came up to rest on her back, pulling her flush against him. They kissed again, this time with more hunger, and in a sudden movement Nik had flipped them so that Y/n was lying on the sofa, legs half dangling off the edge as he situated himself between them, never taking his lips off of hers. He bit her lip, and she moaned as he slipped his tongue inside, hands moving over her sides as he shifted his hips into hers. Her grip tightened on his hair, and this time it was his turn to groan as he moved to kiss down her neck again. Nik tugged at the laces of her undershirt, pulling the clothing off a moment later and flinging it to the side. He stopped, sat up and staring down at her chest, and Y/n went to cover herself. Before she could, he'd grabbed her hands, shaking his head at her. "None of that, darling. You're stunning."

He lowered himself back down, nose brushing her chest as he asked for permission. She didn't hesitate, using her hands in his hair to all but shove him further into her, and a brief moment later he was lavishing her with his mouth again. He moved further down her body when he was satisfied he'd done enough, leaving a trail of kisses as he went, and then he was taking off her belt and looking up at her from where he now kneeled on the floor between her thighs.

"This okay, Y/n?"

"Yes," she breathed, helping him to take the rest of her clothes off. Nik kissed his way across her inner thighs, touching her everywhere but where she needed him most, and his hand on her hips was preventing her from pushing up. Annoyingly he was going to prove his point eventually, and Y/n could only begin to imagine how cocky he would be. All thoughts of anything but Nik went out of her head when he suddenly kissed her there, tentative and experimental, and Saints, the smug smirk he had on his face at her responding moan was enough to make her want to go right back to hating him.

She lost all sense of time as Nik touched her, drawing out new sounds with every movement. The hand that wasn't holding her down was helping to bring her closer, and somewhere in the haze of her pleasure Y/n thought about his blackened fingers on her skin and inside her and she gripped his hair tighter (she also had a vague thought that his scalp would hurt after this, but he didn't seem to mind at the moment), urging him to keep going.

He did, never once stopping his actions until he'd pushed her over the edge, hold on her hips getting stronger (she'd have bruises, she was sure) as she shook, and then again when he did it for a second time.

He moved back up her body a while after, having left soft kisses behind as she came down from the high, and when she brought his face down to kiss her it was soft and more loving than it should have been given they weren't actually together.

"You alright?" he asked, nose nudging against her cheek. She could only nod, wiped out. She could feel him smiling, the cheeky fucker, and she half-heartedly slapped his arm, trying to not think too hard about how toned it was. "What?" he smiled, pulling back to look at her.

"Nothing, just, you're a lot more... I don't know," she trailed off, blushing at his stare. "You have very nice arms," she decided on, and Nik's immediate laughter made her flush even more. "Shut up," she mumbled, turning her face to hide in the back of the sofa. She felt Nik's hand cup her chin, bringing her face back towards his as he planted a kiss on her lips, lingering for a while.

"Thank you," he whispered, amused smile still present. "You have very nice tits, if that helps."

"Nik!"

~~~

Nikolai had no idea where the two of them went from here, but he wouldn't take back a single second of it.

He'd helped clean Y/n up, and then had helped her move to the bed, passing her one of his clean shirts to sleep in. He went without the gloves as he got into bed next to her, leaving them sat on the table in front of the fire. He was just pulling his boots off when he felt Y/n's fingers on his back, tracing over the scars from the demon's wings. Her hands flattened on his back, then moved around his torso and under his arms as she pushed herself against him, pulling his head to hers to kiss him. The angle was awkward, so Nikolai shook his boots off and turned around, cupping her cheek to deepen the kiss. He clambered in next to her, breaking away, and pulled the sheets up over them. At Y/n's pout he simply chuckled, and brought her down to lie next to him, and she slung her arm over his chest and her leg over his, falling asleep not long after.

Nikolai stayed awake a while longer, thinking over everything that had happened. He really didn't know where they went from here, but no matter what, he needed to tell her the truth before they got too far in.

Chapter 7

[loveshotzz]

Hi Leighanne, I hope everything's going well with you😊

Okay so, this might be a little bit random but I've been following all of your updates, especially the few you made regarding your personal life and honestly, I felt so seen. For the past year I was in a very low place up until the end of July and seeing your posts about giving dating a try again and not wanting to let the rest of your 30's slip by hit me like a freight train. I too haven't dated in a very very long time (ten years. Yikes) because it terrifies me. Seriously, I feel physically sick just swiping on the apps. And while I really do want to find someone, I realized how much I need to work on myself first. I remembered a post you made where you talked briefly about starting a new diet and workout routine, feeling a little overwhelmed about it but also being happier than you’ve been in a long time because of all those changes. It made me start to look at things from a different perspective and it made a huge difference for me. I made a lot of mistakes in my life especially during my time in College and when I began working. I spent too much energy trying to fix those fuck ups. I basically ignored everything else. Didn’t have a social life, didn’t have many hobbies, didn’t take care of myself as well as I should have and I didn’t bother with looking for a potential partner either. While I did end up graduating with a degree and find work in a field I really like, I pretty much ignored every other aspect of my life to get to that point and looking back, I feel like I’ve been leading a very empty life. And it only hurts more when at this age (I’m nearly 30) most of my friends had already travelled, settled down, got married and had kids. Same with most of my mutuals. I feel so much like a late bloomer and I still have trouble trying to make peace with knowing I’ve let my 20’s pass me by like this. I hold a lot of anger towards myself for not realizing it sooner.

So, when I saw your posts about feeling the same way I instantly connected with it. I loved following your updates and reading about your progress. It inspired me to finally start my own workout routine and it surprised me to realize how much I enjoy working out like this. I’ve been going out more with my friends too and I try to write whenever I can because it makes me happy. Giving therapy a go too.  I’m not quite ready to give dating a go just yet but I hope I’ll be as brave as you sometime soon and be able to put myself out there and connect with someone nice. Seriously, you might not have thought all that much about those posts but reading them made me feel optimistic and eager to follow your example. Thank you so much!💞💞💞

This ask actually made me tear up, thank you so much for sending this and also sharing your journey and how it’s helping you too 🥹♥️. It’s overwhelming when you make a lifestyle change but for me the pay off has been worth it ten times over. I’m so happy you’re going to therapy, it truly changed my life and how I moved around in the world. I’m wishing you all the health and happiness, and don’t stress about guys and dating, they’ll be there whenever you’re ready.

[annab-nana]

could i get feeling their forehead for temperature and pressing a kiss to the crown of their head with arvin russell please thank you

omg yeah here you go babe <3

warnings: not proofread, mentions of lenora's ending, pregnancy talk

❀ masterlist ❀

arvin knew something was wrong when you didn't go to church that morning. you, much like his sister lenora, never ever missed church. you didn't want arvin to miss out on hearing the lord's word either, but given the events that happened with his sister when she was in this same situation, arvin was not about to leave you alone. he knew you would never do what she did, but he thought the same thing about her at one time. he couldn't have been more wrong.

"you feelin' any better?" arvin asked from where he leaned against the door frame, hair slicked back and a pinch between his brows from constant internal anger and worry. you helped him with that in his day-to-day life, but now that you'd been sick for nearly a week, he couldn't stop worrying. you were always so strong and nothing ever bothered you. when you normally had a cold, it maybe had you in its hold for a day or two max, but this was something different. something worse.

you rolled over to face him, a weary smile on your lips when you saw him. "still throwin' up and i feel like i've been hit by a train, but i don't think it's contagious considering you're as fit as a fiddle so that's good."

his heart warmed at the thought that even in your state, you were still worrying over and looking out for him. he didn't know why god gave you to him, but he thanked the big man every day for it.

arvin walked over to the side of the bed and sat right next to you. he lifted his hand to your face, pressing the back of it to your cheeks and then your forehead. you didn't feel warm at all which was really throwing the boy for a loop.

"no fever still," he commented before taking his bottom lip between his teeth.

you moved your head a little to get a better look at him. "do you want me to have a fever?" you teased him, watching as he let go of his lip and smiled ever so slightly.

"no, darlin'. i don't want you sick at all. it just don't make a lick of sense," arvin explained earnestly. you could tell this was really bothering him, so you tried to get him to talk it out with you.

you reached for his hand to hold in your own and asked, "what do you mean?"

"shouldn't you have a fever if you've got a virus or somethin'?" arvin inquired while you paused to think about it.

"well, maybe, but i don't kn-" you stopped yourself when you saw arvin's face morph from hard mentation to clear realization. it almost scared you a little at how he wasn't immediately telling you what he was thinking. "arv, everything alright?"

he was trying so hard to block out the stuff that happened with lenora that he forgot one key detail, the reason why lenora was sick in the first place.

arvin's wide and worried eyes looked down at you and he can't believe he hadn't thought of it sooner. it would make complete sense. "do you think that you could be pregnant?"

it was your turn to take a moment to answer while you thought back on the past several weeks. it didn't hit you until now that you were late by at least a month and all your current symptoms lined up with arvin's suggestion.

you moved to sit up in your bed, arvin ready to aid you if you needed it, and as you rose in your spot, the emotions inside you followed suit. "would it be okay if i am? would you be okay with that?" you asked with watery eyes.

arvin was scared as hell to be a father, but with you, he felt like he could do it. once again, that fear that you would follow lenora's footsteps if he wasn't there for you shot through him and that in combination with his love and need to protect you showed when he reached forward to hold you to his chest.

"if it's okay with you, then it's okay with me," arvin muttered into your hair before he pressed his lips to the crown of your head, "i'm glad it's a baby and that you're not dying on me. i don't know what i'd do with myself if i didn't have you."

you chuckled into his blue shirt and looked up at the man you loved. "i'm not going away that easily."

he smiled down at you and wiped away the tears on your cheeks, before he responded with a simple and short, "good."

remember to support writers & reblog :)

turn on notifications for @annab-library to be notified when i post something new!

[jodilin65]

I definitely do have sleep apnea. They're not making that up. I miss the days when I could flop onto my back in my sleep and not wake myself up snoring. Hell, sometimes I snore in other positions as well! 🙁 The weight's not coming off, so I need that mouth guard.

I slept poorly because I kept waking up. Sometimes I was hot, sometimes I was cold, and other times I woke up for no reason. Because of this, I was tired when I got up. A half hour later, I ended up napping for a couple of hours. Taking vitamins every other day isn’t enough for me. I feel more hypo. So it’s back to every day. That’s what I wanted to see though, where my sweet spot was.

Curious, I stepped on the scale a second time after my long nap to find I’d only gone down 0.2 pounds. This means I only lost the water I drank before the nap and then peed off when I got up. My metabolism is simply not moving. This is another reason not to bother dropping my calories anymore. It just wouldn’t do me any good. No point in putting myself out for zero results. Besides, I’m barely 5 pounds heavier than when I came here and I can’t believe I’m only 5 pounds away from stopping snoring. If I was suddenly 120 pounds then maybe I would stop snoring, but I’m not going even remotely close to that, so I need to improvise, and that can only be done if my insurance company will help me. I wish we were rich so we could pay for everything I needed! They’re right when they say that money isn’t everything, but it sure is something and it sure helps.

I wonder how much yesterday's sugar spree could account for how shitty I feel today, particularly when it comes to being tired. There will be absolutely no more sugar relapses until I've had enough time to test my energy levels without it! I mostly wanted an excuse to get out. I don’t want to go back to having doctor’s appointments like crazy, but I really like to get out when I’m on days and that doesn’t mean just stepping outside. Going outside would be better than nothing, but it’s been hot and humid and we don’t have the bench yet. I could sit somewhere in the carport, but then I’m in the shade. The idea is to give me adequate sunlight. I just don’t want it when it’s 90 degrees and nearly 100% humid. Not only is that uncomfortable, but I burn easily. So for now, I’m stuck indoors.

Funny how I read in a journal entry of mine from over 20 years ago how my life was more adventurous even if many of those adventures weren’t good, but back east I knew the same people and did the same things. Funny, because that’s how my life has been for many years now, but it’s better to have a little stagnancy at times because whenever it’s been adventurous it’s usually not in a good way.

My TMJ has been bugging me. It’s been really bad lately and I don’t know why. Maybe I’m not using my nasal spray enough. I don’t think all of it is because of nerve damage from surgery but also because of my Eustachian tube having problems draining.

On the way to CVS yesterday, where I grabbed two pieces of caramel that they sell individually, a little container of mini chocolate chip cookies, and some wine, we saw a county vehicle parked across from Crazy Karen. We also saw a woman and a man walking toward the redneck’s place. My first guess is that either he and Julie or the couple across from the nutjob called in county code violations at the nutjob’s place. Just because you’re crazy doesn’t mean you should be able to get away with shit. The place looks straight out of some comedy skit or circus and is caked with tons of mold. I was hoping someone would mention it in the group but they didn’t. I’m sure I could ask the redneck about it, but I don’t want to get involved.

Since they wouldn’t call the county on account of the nutjob acting out (the cops have been here before for that) and were walking up the redneck's driveway, I have another theory. Maybe it’s revenge from the park. Joe said they refused to do any more home improvements because of the mess over there, so they could be retaliating. I don’t think that’s how they would retaliate, though. If they were going to do so, they would just do what Joy did to us at the other place and make some ridiculous complaint.

Society says we’re supposed to have compassion for the mentally ill. Why? With all the problems they cause in society, just why? Pedophiles can’t help themselves, but that doesn’t mean we should all feel sorry for them.

Not too long ago, I planted a couple of lemon seeds. When they didn’t sprout, I told Tom he could throw the pot outside, and one of them has sprouted. That’s what happened with the scallion plant I planted as well. They would definitely rather grow outside.

I finally had a good dream that I didn't want to wake up from but did. I had a dream I spotted Termite Tammy and went to tell her to try threatening and blackmailing me to my face, but woke up before I could find her. Such a shame. I would have loved to have seen what I did to her!

It’s been just like old times with my dreams. I’ve been remembering quite a bit, even if many of them don’t make sense. Andy was sleeping over again in one dream and we were talking about how cloudy days sometimes make us tired.

Then I shoved some older woman who might have been my maternal grandmother, who was a bitch, and then spotted both siblings at a house party. That was the one I was bummed out to wake up from. It was weird too because before I went after my sister, I told my brother that if I never saw him again, I loved him and I wanted him to know it. The truth is I’m indifferent. I haven’t felt much for him either way for many years now.

In another dream, I was with a woman and another lesbian couple was going to move in with us. But then they decided not to because they wanted to move around and do certain things. My hair was in a braid that went past my ass in this dream.

Then I was in a house that looked like the first house I grew up in. In the middle of the living room by the fireplace sat a huge black woman who was old and not well. She was propped up on a bunch of pillows sleeping. In the back of the room on a couch was Tom’s mother. She didn’t have long to live and Tom was making sure she was comfortable before going in the kitchen to scrub the stove, which I told him I would take care of.

I was still a smoker in the next dream and lived in a two-story house. I stepped outside a large window or door and onto a metal overhang to have a cigarette. Its surface was slick with rain and I slipped off and onto the ground, but I wasn’t hurt. Then I headed around to knock on the front door for Tom to let me in.

In the last dream, we seemed to be in a rather modern home that was larger. I was looking for the perfect shoe spot in the living room for when we came in and kicked our shoes off.

[daytaker]

Lucifer:

Ah, yes. Family is the most important thing, isn't it? I value my brothers above everything else. Unfortunately, my brothers don't value themselves nearly as highly, so I'm forced to resort to extreme methods to protect them from the consequences of their actions. Like tying them to the ceiling, for example.

It's unfortunate that they aren't mature enough to recognize when I'm doing something for their benefit and complain simply because it restricts their freedom or itches or "hurts".

Mammon:

Oh, you mean the five little brothers who disrespect me at every turn and the older brother that likes usin' me as a punching bag? Those guys? Don't I spend enough of my time thinkin' about them already? Sheesh.

Asmo's fun to hang with, though.

Levi:

My family...? If you're talking about my brothers... Ugh. I'd rather not think about them. Lucifer's a tyrant, Mammon's constantly stealing my stuff, Satan's always petting a cat, reading a book, or destroying something, Asmo's always out being loud in loud places around other loud people, and the twins...

The twins are alright, actually. Heheh.

But my real family is Henry 2.0. Henry is always there for me when I need him. He never laughs at me. Never calls me a crusty otaku. Never tells me to wash my dakimura because "who knows what shit that's seen" or says I should give that cosplay outfit to Asmo since it'd look better on him or insults my intelligence by calling her Ruby Hana and expecting me to believe he made an honest mistake...!!

Satan:

Are you intentionally antagonizing me? I don't mind Belphie, since we have..."mutual interests", but the rest of them annoy me.

I'm not going to talk about Lucifer right now.

Asmo:

My brothers are super annoying, but they're also really cute! I like that they all let me do their nails. It makes me feel closer to them!

I admire Lucifer, and I think Satan's pretty reliable when he isn't angry. Belphie's also alright. He's super cute when he's asleep! But Mammon's a scumbag, Beel only ever thinks about food, and Levi... Oh, Levi. I don't know what to think about Levi. Is he okay?

Beel:

Belphie's my closest sibling. I'll always look out for him.

But when I think about family, I can't help but think about Lilith too... I get that awful sinking feeling in my gut, and I can't stop thinking about how I let her down...

Belphie:

Beel is my favorite brother, of course. I never really get annoyed with him the way I do with Lucifer and Mammon. He doesn't bother me when I sleep, either.

I've been spending more time with Satan lately since we formed our Anti-Lucifer League. I've learned that he's actually pretty funny and creative. He's a whiz at curses. But I've also learned that I never, ever want to be on his bad side.

Ask my character about their family!

Originaly by promptnebula

[somedaytakethetime]

In the vein of writing my lost chapters of the Old Testament and just.. I don't know ranting about things I'm interested in or on my mind but I try not to bother my friends with because this is uninteresting, I'm using this mess as a personal diary again. After the jump that is, I'm still kind, you know?

So, in case anyone is reading this, which I doubt, and you're unaware I'm nearly 30 and thus lots and lots of introspect are happening lately. One of the things that has been most heavy on my mind is my wardrobe and how I dress. Yes, I know that's vain, but guess what? I'm vain. Also I don't want to look sloppy, I'm technically a grown woman even if I still feel like a child 😭😭

I've been thinking about comfort and practicality, not just trendy stuff that I like the look of but won't ever wear. I'm trying to wear things that make me look decent and possibly if everyone has been drinking even pretty. I've been hyper obsessed with the whole seasonal theory thing, and Kibbe body types, trying to figure out what I actually look like in terms of proportions and colouring, etc. I started years ago, actually, but I've been extra on it lately because I really want to create some sort of capsule wardrobe if you will.

Over the years I've acquired a few nifty talents: my mother taught me how to sew and I taught myself how to pattern draft a few years ago, she also taught me how to cross stitch and embroider, knit and crochet. I improved knitting and crocheting on my own over the years with the help of the internet, and books, and recently I've been trying to teach myself to pattern draft for knitted garments. The concept of drafting a pattern that will fit your body is almost the same in every medium you can use, but knitting up fabric is a tad different than cutting it out so there's a lot more maths, trial and error, involved. BUT with these skills in mind I've essentially gotten to point where I don't need to buy clothes at all, I can make everything I want or need, and embellish it accordingly.

I've narrowed down a few things: I won't ever wear low waisted things again. I lived through the 2000s, we had our 🍑 crack on show from how low waisted those jeans were... I don't ever want a low waist or a mid waist again because I'm only 1,57m (5'2'' I think, if that's your style) and I've convinced myself I have a long waist (I don't even know, the bottom of my ribs are nearly glued to the top of my hips but I still don't think I look short waisted..) so I don't want my legs to look even shorter. I also don't enjoy super tightly fitted clothes anymore. Not a fan of a skinny jean, not a fan of a top that's so tight I can't breathe (been there, done that), not a fan of tight dresses either because I don't love the way my body looks. I don't accessorise a ton anymore, a very simple thin chain necklace or two and very small earrings are the most I do. I have sausage fingers and wearing rings starts to get on my nerves after a while, bracelets are a no go except if I'm dressing up. But for dressing up I still keep things to the minimal of just metal jewellery. I'm not a high heels girl anymore, I'm also not really a ballet flats girl anymore. I prefer a trainer or a loafer because I'm still an old man at heart. Not a huge fan of a ton of ruffles, floof and huge prints anymore. My tops need to be cropped or at least only a fraction longer than waist length, because that's full length on me, everything I wear is high waisted. I sort of hate my legs but I've noticed they actually look better if I wear short skirts and shorts (mid thigh) vs if I wear midi length skirts. I look like a Jehovah's witness.. I think in order to combat that I need to keep the longer skirts to more fancy stuff and just wear short ones for daily wear. Possibly add a low back or a v neck with a long skirt, makes it less Catholic schoolgirl which was my mode of operation before...

As for colours I've noticed that I gravitate towards navy blue and greys a lot more than any other colour. I wear black, brown, jewel tones and even autumnal colours (which makes sense because if I'm doing it correctly I'm a dark autumn) but I tend to like navy blue and grey most. I barely own anything cream, beige or white... I don't look super good in bright white, for me it needs to be off white. Beige, taupe, cream, coffee and latte I can look decent in. Depends on the saturation. And so I need to fix the lack of lighter tones in my wardrobe because spring and summer are also seasons... and I'm not Scandinavian (no shade to their style at all, I take inspiration from them), I'm not super fond of wearing all black in the summer, it's hot as balls here and I would melt outside like that 😭

I've been clearing out my clothes and essentially stockpiling almost everything I own to donate to people that will want it and wear it, because I need to create a lot more things that I will wear instead of just having stuff hanging in my closet. So far I've reviewed some of my clothes, gone through all of my shoes. I need to go through all my accessories and bags, and look over the fix and mend pile of clothes that I have, to see what I actually want to keep and will realistically wear. I prefer trousers for daily wear, I need house clothes that are comfortable, loose and stretchy, and I'll add a few skirts, shorts and maybe a "fancy" dress or two in the mix for a more formal activity I might need to go to. I should probably make some summer dresses, realistically that's the season when I might gravitate towards them most because they're easier and a no brainer outfit. I still think I own too many coats because honestly? In the dead of winter I only really wear my big brown coat. It has a lining that's like... I don't know a skinned teddy bear... I think it's an imitation of sheep wool, at least it looks that way, and it's extra large on me which is perfect for the dozens of layers I wear. I need to dye my denim jacket, I don't like how light it is anymore, it looks dated to me now. I have two old lady oversized blazers, one in a posh 'I go hunting on the weekends' tweed (got it from a family friend and it's probably from like the 90s but I like the look of it) and one in black that I need to fix the length of. I'm keeping these even though I don't wear blazers... I feel like they might come in handy for something that's I might need to look put together for. Got a basic trench that swamps me a little and I'm unsure if I should keep, a grey teddy bear coat that I don't like the length of and I'm wondering if I should shorten it because it would probably get more wear that way, my Nancy Wheeler burgundy jacket (not like her actual jacket but it looks really close to it and I love it, bought it just because of that, it's staying 😤) and a short 80s fur short coat that a friend gifted my mum.. in the 80s. I'm don't support the fur business but I love that coat and I feel bad tossing it knowing animals died for it. There is no such thing as fur recycling or donation stores here, I know the US has things like that but here we don't, so the coat stays where it's been too even if it's a more rare wear for me because I feel like it's so.. over the top. I have a weird hung up on trying not to be too over the top now, I've been that for years.. 😅

I still have beef with my sweater collection. I have LOADS of yarn to knit up a few sweaters in the upcoming months using source images on pinterest (I'll address that in another post) and thus it's making me ponder the sweaters that I already own. I kept quite a few of them after the clear out but I'm still wondering if realistically I'm going to wear them or if I'm just saving them because I've grown attached to them... I barely have any trousers, I mean.. I have a few pairs, but they don't fit properly and I've been so lazy to fix them. I need to fix that in the upcoming months too if I'm going to have clothes to wear. I saved buttons ups and I'm still pondering why I'm saving some of them, two of them are EXTRA LARGE on me, but they belonged to my grandfather, who's died now, and I sort of like that connection to him.. I just need to find a way to style them that won't make me feel sloppy I guess... WHY DO WE CREATE EMOTIONAL BONDS WITH OBJECTS!? WHY??? THIS IS SICK!

Also.. WHY IS THIS ALL SO COMPLICATED ACTUALLY!??!? REALISTICALLY HOW MANY CLOTHES DO I EVEN NEED?? AND HOW MANY SHOES??? WHY DO I OWN SO MUCH CRAP!??!? I WANT TO THROW OUT EVERYTHING I OWN IN RAGE BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I EVEN HAVE SOME OF THIS STUFF!??? CENTURIES AGO PEOPLE OWN LIKED3 TO 5 CHEMISES, 3 OR SO KIRTLES, PROBABLY ONLY 1 OR 2 SURCOATS AND THAT WAS IT! THEY HAD LIKE TWO PAIRS OF SHOES: ONE FOR SPRING AND SUMMER AND ONE FOR AUTUMN AND WINTER!! AND GUESS WHAT?? NO ONE WAS NAKED! I HAVE ONE (1) BODY AND TWO (2) FEET WHY DO I NEED ENOUGH CLOTHES TO DRESS A SMALL VILLAGE!?? I SHOULD JUST MOVE TO A NUDIST COLONY AND LIVE LIKE THAT! EVERYTHING IS BUY BUY BUY 'MUST ITEMS THAT YOU NEED FOR THE SUMMER OF 2023' 'TOP 20 PIECES YOU NEED TO HAVE IN YOUR CLOSET' '25 PIECES A GIRL CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT AND YOU MUST BUY RIGHT NOW' I HATE EVERYONE AND ABOVE ALL I HATE MYSELF. And.. exhale. That's out now. I need to do that one, it was festering in me... ANYWAY! That's the intro I guess, I'll go over inspiration images and plotting in the next post.. whenever the next post happens.. I still have A LOT to clear out and to go over in my wardrobe 😅

[bewitchingfanfiction]

Homstuck Fic (2019/06/13)

It was common knowledge at school that Karkat Vantas was a loser.

There was plenty of reasons for this, none that were actually good or reasonable, but they were enough to make most agree with that statement.

Karkat was rather poor, his brother was a dick, his mother liked to drink until she collapsed, his father committed suicide recently, he was incredibly short and extremely skinny, and all of the popular kids liked to tease him, which made everyone else hate him.

But not Dave.

When Dave first came to Karkat's school, Karkat was certain he was gonna join the popular kids and become a new bully he'd have to deal with, but Dave proved him wrong the first time he saw Eridan and his friends picking on Karkat during lunch.

They had dumped food on him and made a huge scene in front of everyone about how they heard his mother overdosed and nearly died. It had been a humiliating day for Karkat, he just wanted to curl up in a hole and die.

But Dave stood up for him, and yelled at everyone who was laughing, asking them how they'd feel if their parents almost died. Most were quickly to stop laughing and turn against Eridan.

Karkat had been in shock, he never thought that anyone would defend him. Cause why bother? Why would anyone care about him? This kid didn't even know him, but it didn't matter.

They ate lunch together that day (Dave had shared his food with Karkat) and just talked about their interests. Dave noticed how much louder and passionate Karkat got about everything when he warmed up to someone, and he really liked that.

What he didn't like was how quiet Karkat acted during school, because he didn't want to make any trouble.

Well news flash, trouble finds him anyways.

His father killed himself only a week ago, and today was Karkat's first day back at school. It had been a really hard thing to go through, he loved his father and they got along so well, he wanted to keep making nice memories with him.

But it was too late for that now.

Karkat sat down in the only available seat left, which was next to Dave but in front of Eridan. It was the perfect seat but also the worst seat.

He tried to focus on what the teacher said, but Eridan started talking.

"Finally back huh? I thought you would've jumped by now. I see you've still got the long sleeves, add anymore scars to your collection?" He taunted quietly from behind Karkat.

It was offensive, and hurtful. Karkat had never once hurt himself through any of the things that happened to him. Sure, he might cry himself to sleep or scream at himself in the mirror, but he never cut himself.

But of course, he actually had been playing with a cat, a cat that belonged to Dave, and it scratched the hell out of him. So the next day, Eridan assumed he had started cutting.

It bothered him, hearing Eridan say those things, but mostly because it was insulting to anyone who actually did do that to themselves. 

He wouldn't let it get to him though. Eridan just wants to get a reaction out of him.

Dave took Karkat's hand under the desk and held it tightly, rubbing his thumb over it to try and comfort him.

"Why don't you go and kill yourself like your father did? We'd all be a lot happier here." Eridan hissed in your ear.

Before Karkat could even finish processing the words Eridan said, Dave had spun around and punched him square in the face, hard enough to break his nose.

Eridan screamed in pain as he fell out of his chair holding his nose that was now bleeding. "SON OF A BITCH!"

"Wanna say that again!?" Dave snapped, giving absolutely no shits about the teacher heading their way.

"Dave stop it!" Karkat whispered in a snippy tone, tugging at Dave's arm to get him to chill out.

They got sent to detention, and Eridan had to go to the hospital.

~~~

Karkat stormed into his house, Dave following in behind him. "You just had to make a scene!" He snapped.

"He told you to kill yourself." Dave snapped.

"So what? He tells me that shit every fucking time I see him. I've told you before Dave, it doesn't even bother me! What does bother me is having to get sent to detention because SOMEONE HAD TO PUNCH HIM IN THE FUCKING FACE!" Karkat ranted, glaring up at Dave.

Dave bit his lip. Karkat couldn't see his eyes because of his shades, but it didn't matter. Ever since they met Dave had been terrible at hiding his emotions from Karkat, even when he wanted to. He didn't need to look into Dave's eyes right now to know he was pissed. "I wasn't going to sit there and do nothing while he was being a dick to you. I know you're blind to it Karkat, but you deserve better. It might not bother you now, but you could wake up one day and realize that it actually does, and you might listen and then you'll die and the idea of that happening really fucking scares me!" He ranted, Karkat could tell he was working himself up into a panic attack.

He hugged Dave gently. "Dave...stop...it's okay. I'm not going anywhere...I promise. As long as I have you, I'll always have a reason to live. I'm not gonna leave you here by yourself." He spoke softly. Dave was trembling, but Karkat would take that any day over tears. He knew somewhat what Dave's childhood was like, and it wasn't very happy. 

He was never sure if someone would come back or not, and Karkat wasn't about to leave him.

Taking a deep breath, Dave nodded. "Okay...shit sorry about that, I'm cool now." He told him rather confidently, breaking their hug. He smiled at Karkat.

"...Wanna go watch a movie?" Karkat asked with a smile.

Dave grinned. "Always." He wrapped an arm around Karkat's shoulders and they headed to Karkat's room to watch a movie.

[killertomorrow]

June 7, 9:29am

She came up again among friends, with them pointing out how flirtatious she was to so many people in our group. I know they're trying to give me reasons to get mad at her, to let that anger help me through this, but I'm not mad. We all flirt with each other and always have. She did nothing wrong by flirting. I was never bothered by it because the flirting with others never felt like more than it was: harmless flirting. I knew her for a little over a year. In that time she actively got closer to me, a fact that she admitted to multiple times. As I've said before, she pursued me romantically first, I merely decided to accept it and see where it might go. Not passing the buck though, I made that decision. Half of this pain is my fault for letting my guard down. I keep thinking about her thinking about me. Wondering how those thoughts make her feel now. I thought I knew before but I can't fully trust any of the things she told me anymore. All I can do is wonder. Cried again but it was less painful, physically anyway. No horrible facial contortions, no choking, just some gasping alongside ragged tears. The subject of dreams came up last night and, when asked, I said my dreams only depress me lately. Not because they're sad, but because they're the opposite. Since I realized how strong my feelings were for her, I kept having dreams with her in them. Just mundane simple, yet vivid, dreams where my brain imagines what our lives together would've been like. Sleeping in bed together, her pressing up against my back when I'm stressed out, her rushing to save bugs before I can kill them, us cuddling together in my seat on the couch. These were dreams I initially treasured. They now feel like cold reminders of what never really was. None of this has changed my view towards women, so it's not like I'm gonna suddenly fall down the ol' incel rabbithole. It has, as I've told others, soured me on the idea of trying polyamory. D and A both said they weren't the least bit surprised. I still haven't been able to really find enjoyment in anything fully. Everything feels boring or unsatisfying. I hope that goes away. I figure it's probably because every single day I would look forward to talking to her, so anything I did felt like passing time until then. i could lose myself in it while looking happily onwards because I'd get to talk to my favourite person. Now that I know I won't, it's like my brain is against me enjoying things that once helped pass time. I tried drawing but again broke into tears, nearly soaking the sketchbook. The only real distraction has been my friends. Talking to them allows me to focus on them, not on how I feel. I worry that I may be leaning on them too much, but I know that's my anxiety creating unfounded paranoia. We talk about as often as we always do. It's just now I am getting something from the conversations that I didn't before. A short reprieve. Anyway, I've whinged enough, it's time to try once more to focus on other things. Gotta hope that eventually it'll work, right?

[ducknotinarow]

[87 Rasey because reasons]

Casey ignores any of Raph's protests as he casually carries them by the hem of their shell, a pretty common action between. When deemed safe enough, Casey finally let them go, huffing,

"You were being reckless," Said Casey Jones of all people, "You nearly got hurt!" Came the familiar spark of familiar anger, "I aint about to let some lawbreaker smash that shell of yours in."

| Muse interaction continued from [ here ]

Maybe he wasn't all that right in the head tonight but Raph just didn't fucking care either. He needed to work out everything building and building up inside of him. The usual distractions just weren't enough as of late, hiding away the anger with a good laugh. It was like something had started to cling to his body and drag down on him. His mood was so sour and he felt disinterested in pretty much everything. So much was just eating away at him right now he'd been in bad moods plenty of times before this wasn't anything new.

Sure with his brothers he wasn't as reckless he tried to exercise his patience more usually feel Leo and Don knew what to do best. Sometimes he snapped and acted out. Get mad enough and he just didn't care and right now? He really really didn't fucking care, he had no ounce of care in the moment. When he got hit he didn't even flinch instead everything sitting in his head shut up at last. He smirked a little. Casey and him went out on patrol often they were meant to be partners in many sense of the word. Suddenly he gripped the halts of his sais tighter. He clicked his tongue against his teeth why should he be surprised not even Donatello told him everything.

Oh that set him off suddenly. Not caring for number odds or whatever Raph jumped at the first punk in his path. Throwing himself into the risk of getting dog piled on as he cleared knocked them over. The moment knuckled slammed against their face he could feel the adrenaline start to kick in that the flash of violence gave him. Everything under his shell as of right now was now replacing the image of the guys face. How he was so blind to his twins pain, the hurt and angry that came from fighting with them, Casey's secretive ass. Leo and Mikey not bothering to give him any hint of what had happened, Hell even Splinter and April telling him to chill and get over his sudden sulking mood. He gritted his teeth barely feeling how one of this guys pals suddenly tackled him off rolling over on to his shell to find himself exactly as he expected. in the center with no path to escape. Honestly? that was fine. Even with a switch kick to his head caught him in the beak. Steel toe boots? he noticed for how he could taste a metallic trace drip over his tongue from. Raph spitting out the blood that started to pool in his mouth. yet he smiled.

"Pfft that meant ta hurt? I've have had butterfly wings flap near me that packed a better punch dip."

Kicks to his side and a foot stomping hard to his plastron clear knocked the air right outta of the red banded turtle. Reaching to grab onto the foot that was pressing in against his shell. Making him struggle for air. Struggle for the words trapped in his head for so long now. Physically as if everything weighing over him was given a physical force.

Then it stopped, the weight was thrown off him as Raph watched them get pulled away with little to no effort. Casey. Raph laid out on the ground taking a moment to run a hand over himself there was no cracks luckily. Just a lot of throbbing pain, he couldn't lie like this long though. Rolling to his side as manged to push up to his knees and hands, he made a grab for his weapons. Ready to push up on to his feet and get back at it when he feels the absence of ground under his knees and hands. Watching it get further away as if he had became weightless. He recognized this feeling against the lip of his shell. Normally the fluttering in his shell followed, well that was there still actually. Fuck Raph and his gay ass sometimes.

"Put me down!" he demands for once not just going along with being carried as he starts to work out from his boyfriends grasp. But Casey was ignore his protests which wasn't helping Raph's mood as he set tried reach to grab at Casey's arm try and push himself out of their even maybe. All a fruitless attempt he felt so..powerless right now.

He squeezed his eyes tight and gritted his teeth no longer able to even hear those other humans. Heck he couldn't hear much he felt like his mind was buzzing right now. He wanted to go back he didn't fucking care if he was getting his ass handed to him at the time! It was better taking the physical beating then all this what emotional one as of late?

Finally Raph's feet met the ground again once they were far and in the clear. Raph letting his gaze stick to the ground not really staring at anything his mind was buzzing the hits were so dull even if he could still taste blood in his mouth. Sure his beak was split from where he got kicked. His heart was spiking though, his body felt hot like his blood was boiling.

"You were being reckless,"

Raphael scoffed at that. Of all people to tell him he was being reckless just then. Casey had the fucking never to tell someone else off for being reckless and jumping into a fight? Raph just rolled his eyes and set his sais back into his belt "pft it wasn't that bad."

"You nearly got hurt!"

Raph crossed his arms in front of his plastron he could still feel the throb from the guy stepping on him. "So what I get hurt all the time bonehead, ain't nothing new. Pft I've been through worse even." finally locking his eyes up to that stupid white hockey mask. He could clearly tell Casey was angry behind it. Oh sure that they wont hide uh? was the second thought coming to Raph in that moment.

"I aint about to let some lawbreaker smash that shell of yours in"

Raphael scoffed again at that, he's never felt like this towards Casey of all people. No, that's not true hes been mad at them before like when they threw him from the vending machine in the park. It's way he kicked them and pinned them to the wall. Didn't have to he just needed to get back at the lunatic. Still though that annoyed him.

"Who said I need you to protect me from the law breakers! in cause you forgot I've been doing this for a good while now fuck even before meeting you I was going up against real big time bad guys and not just regular joes trying to cross the fucking street like you do! I fight against Shred head and Kraang all the time not to mention their mutant lackeys! and - and just more then some two bit bank robber!" Raph snaps back "fuck i've fought with you more than once even you big oaf since when do ya think I can't handle a fight! So as to press the matter he throws his arms out and pushes against Casey's mid section so to prove some point and work that aggression out a little.

They never fought before Raph was normally to busy with the butterflies in his shell to really snap and get angry at best a sarcastic remark or clever snap back would be given instead. But now? no he was generally mad at Casey. Even that stupid text they never talked to him about it and that. "So what you trying to tell me you think I can't handle myself in a fight uh? you think i'm what needing protection from you?!" he shouts "Oh but why would you tell me that you never tell me anything about you! which is fucking bullshit Casey!" he lets his teeth snap down to click as he keeps letting his voice grow louder "I'm your partner! At least I'm meant to be your partner! In more ways than one but you never fucking talk to me! you don't tell me anything you hide behind your stupid fucking mask! I only ever get glimpses Don't you understand I want to know you better! I'm so fucking infatuated with you! We're met to be together right?!" it's like Raph was questioning that now were they?

"But you barely let me in! I let you in I told you about..that stuff." When he got since from a panic attack not even his brothers had seen him like that or saw how the ocean calmed him "but even learning you name is like pulling fucking teeth out of you!" he shouts despite it all he is mind all of that keeping it quite they might be alone but they are still in the open he might be upset but he won't expose anything about Casey in the heat of the moment. He tries to clam himself. Pushes away from Casey hes so ticked off right now. Why was he surprised no one ever bothers to tell him anything and why! why was that a thing!

"Arnold." He says it lowly to be safe "only by chance I know...were you never gonna tell me? Why?" He questions if he knew why it be different but what he knows about Casey he could count on one three fingered hand alone.

That text was hanging over his head still a reminder of a truth it didn't matter how much he liked Casey because..he hardly knew a thing about Casey. He wants so much more with Casey "...how am I meant to have everything I want with you if I don't know you at all?" he finished the thought allowed.

It was a fear Raph hadn't expresses but that text brought it on. How were they ever going to last? Was Raph anything to Casey? Was he just a fling? Was it jsut fun to date a mutant he claimed he loved him but? All the questions were buzzing in his head. It was easy to get lost in puppy dog love but he wanted more he wanted all of Casey.

Turning on his heels as he looked at them now intently "Why do you have a purple dragons mark?" for some reason it finally seemed to click what the text meant. Well partly. But it was where he was taking this conversation. Was Casey going to finally fess up? Did..did Casey trust Raph?