#I've been rambling
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When I was a kid, we moved into a house that had a huge lilac tree out front. It was mostly rotten, and it needed to be taken down before it fell. It took a while, but eventually, it was gone.
Mostly. A couple years later, little lilac babies popped out of the ground in its place. My mom was determined to get rid of them, because she'd planted a beautiful flower garden there, and the lilac trees would overshadow and kill the whole garden. I insisted on saving at least a few saplings. She said fine, but I had to dig them out and put them in pots myself.
So, I did. I spent days digging little lilac bushes out of the ground and putting them into pots. Some couldn't be saved, but some could. When all was said and done, I had five brand-new lilac saplings. Seven or eight years old, and it was my absolute pride and joy.
Three died due to sun scorching, severe drought that no amount of watering could save, and perhaps just being moved from their place in the ground. But two survived, and I was awfully proud of them! I'd go out and talk to them every single day. I watered them by hand and made sure they were fertilized properly. I learned all about their favored environments, and I was determined to make sure they lived.
One of my mom's friends saw what I was doing with the lilacs. She asked if she could have one to put in her backyard, and I agreed on the condition that she take very, very good care of it.
It's now fucking enormous. I'm talking ten feet tall and bursting with beautiful purple flowers every spring. My mom still gets updates each year as they start to bloom, which she forwards to me. And all I can think is, "That's my friend! Thriving some twenty years on, there it is."
The other tree nearly died, too. It lived in a pot for far, far too long. I wanted to plant it somewhere in my parents' yard, but my mom was reluctant. Eventually, we agreed to put it in the far back garden. It grew okay for many years, despite the shade, but in all these years, it's never bloomed.
Last year, the massive tree casting massive shadows over the lilac and the garden cracked in half and fell. It tumbled into the garden, crushing part of the nearby shed and destroying a few plants beneath it.
It missed my lilac by inches.
The clean-up is long done. The rest of the tree has been cut down, and my lilac has full sunlight for the first time in fifteen years. It won't bloom this year, I know. But it's got new shoots up. It's taller than ever. I spent half an hour a few weeks ago praising it for surviving all this time, dreaming about its future and telling it how I believe it'll become the tall beauty it's always been meant to be.
I think next year, I'll see flowers.
#aese speaks#a little personal story for you all#the origin of my life-long relationship with lilacs#i've been a garden witch since i was very small! (:#green witch#garden witch#garden magic#the lilac post#hello to everyone reading the og tags on this:#it's a metaphor it's a true story it's real it's fiction it's a poem it's me rambling it's whatever you think it is#30k
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Fuck it
If this post gets 30k notes I'll ask to go see a therapist.
#switch the dragon#switchthedragon#switch rambles#the number is high for a reason#I don't wanna ask lol#but whatever you guys can convince me if you want#I've never been to therapy#i take pride in that fact
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i cant even properly explain how it emotionally affects me when my cat comes up to me for cuddles. small creature walks up to me, a giant, in search of a gentle touch, because he trusts me completely. that is what love is. that is what the universe is built for. i want to cry
#i've been really sick for a week and haven't had the energy to play with navid for a while#and i feel like he's been so understanding about it??#like he gets it that im not well so he's not being pushy to play as he usually is when im healthy#i love him so so so much#jamble ramble#navid#my cat
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Trigger Warning: Description of death, arguing, manslaughter I guess. It's kinda artsy, but you know, be safe. Q
I am arguing with my partner. The argument leads into a screaming match. I slowly realise all sounds became more muted. The saturation dissappears. My partner shoves me. I lose balance. I take a few steps back to recover, but my heel catches on something. Time slows down 999%. I hear a female voice singing. I am slowly falling back. I try to react, but my body is stuck in the original time frame. I can only process the surroundings, not act accordingly. The verse of the song is very morose and tragic. This does not bode well for me. The chorus hits as electric guitars and drums kick in. The singer is using words like "break" and "shatter". I do not like this. Fear engulfs my mind. I try to pray, but to no avail. I am about 45° to the ground now. The second verse is discussing regret and wishing the singer could take it all back. I try to make peace. I understand that I won't make it much further. If I'm lucky I'll live until the end of the song. My death is inevitable. It would be very cinematic. As the second chorus hits, I catch a glimpse of my partner. They are in shock. Clearly this song is written from their perspective. I am so dead. The guitar solo has started. I am forced to close my eyes by the narrative. I suspect I look peaceful. I am not. As the solo winds down, I feel something on the back of my head. The third chours is just about to hit. I realise I won't make it past this one. I can practically feel the cinematic cracks being added in post. I hear the first note of the band coming back full force. Then there is nothing.
#Okay so#I have no fucking idea where this came from#But it did#Hey you ever wonder how certain songs are just begging for a cinematic death?#Anyone else imagine getting launched out of the windscreen window because of a car crash on beat to a song?#And the potential of storytelling?#And then you create an entire background to it?#Yeah me neither#Anyway#Tw death#Probably#Story#Writing#I should go slap on a trigger warning at the top probably#So originally I wanted people to think that this actually happened#Then as the story progresses they'd realise it's a fictional scenario#But the trigger warnings ruin it a bit#But I rather have someone not experience the story as I meant it#Rather then surprising someone with something darker then they thought#You know#People matter more than stories#I've been rambling#Somewritemekay#Watch this get like 3 notes#Yaay me#Anyway vol 2#electric boogaloo#Adios fothermuckers
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so. i understand where the sentiment "listening to an audiobook is the same thing as reading the book" is coming from - i mean, yes, the bottom line is you are taking in the same words in what is possibly a more accessible (or maybe just more enjoyable) format for you! and i'm 100% in agreement that "book snobs" who say "no you didn't really read it" if you listened to the audiobook are full of shit. ofc you should engage with stories in whatever way works for you, there is no moral or intellectual superiority to reading words off a page vs. listening to them
but it also is different? an audiobook is a performance. choices a narrator makes about line readings can drastically influence the meaning of the lines. even just different voices, accents, etc. - there are creative choices being made by the person delivering the words to you, and that affects your experience of the story in a different way than if you were making those choices in your own head. it might even change the way you visualize what's going on!
this isn't a bad thing it's just An Actual Thing & i think it's worth talking about. it rubs me the wrong way when people act like accommodations (and for many people audiobooks are an accommodation) always result in a completely identical experience, or even that they should, & if you suggest that people accessing media in different ways are having different experiences it's somehow ableist
anyway on rare occasions i really enjoy audiobooks but mostly they are much less accessible to me than words on a page (i need to be able to reread, flip back and forth, go at my own pace) & i also just really strongly prefer to encounter a text on my own before hearing someone else's performance of it, if possible! again i don't think it's "better" to read a physical book i just think it is a Distinct form of experiencing a story & acting like the two things are entirely the same is sort of doing a disservice to both
#rambling thoughts#audiobooks#was talking to jey about this the other day & that helped me clarify what i've been musing on#i really truly think people should read in whatever way they can. listening or using an e-reader or holding a physical book#i always always want to hold the book but i don't think i'm fucking superior for it lmao
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i can't wait to be 30+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 40+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 50+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 60+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 70+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 80+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 90+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to look back on my life and know that i loved things deeply and passionately and was inspired to create and was part of communities with incredible people from all over the world brought together by the stories that touched us
#and still be mad at shithead executives for unfairly cancelling my pirate show#also imagine what my ao3 word count will be like. gonna be writing my little fics in the nursing home#sometimes when i get frustrated over my writing i have to remember that i've only been doing it for a little over a year#and not in my native language#there is still so much time and so much to learn and try and discover and explore and i am EXCITED#there is something so ancient and beautiful about humans being brought together by stories#storytelling is what humans have always done and will always do and what will always connect us#to our past to the future to each other#sorry for the 1 am ramblings#fandom#🐭📓
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When I broke the cycle, I made sure that the tear was rough. You carry a part of what should be her, and she carries a part of what should be you.
#slay the princess#illustration#art#stp princess#the long quiet#stp narrator#arguably lol#slay the princess spoilers#scopophobia#tw scopophobia#i've been wanting to use the narrator's quote there as a caption for the longest time#originally i wanted it to be for a pair of black and white pieces of lq and the princess but i lost steam on that halfway through#(still have the finished piece for quiet! probably not gonna post it here though) (it's pretty old by now)#this piece was also partly inspired by the girl from the other side#hence the skull and cloth and hatching#i finally watched the movie ova can you tell? lol#my art#anytime i post art i always end up rambling in the tags#does anybody even read these?#if you do uh#i hope you have a nice day :^)
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List of “sweet and intimate actions which make me go feral and have me folding like a folding chair” prompts
Character B carding their fingers through Character A’s hair and playing with the strands.
Character B peeling back the neck of Character A’s turtle neck sweater to trail gentle kisses down their neck. (This!! It is so hot, and it's everything I didn't know I needed until now, and I cannot stop thinking about it wlkfnlkwe)
Character B placing their arm around Character A’s waist while in public, resting their chin on Character A’s shoulder. “Hello,” they say in a teasing tone as Character A tries to grab ahold of their hand to keep it there but fails a few times before successfully doing so.
Leaning against each other while in public.
Spooning and back hugs.
Character B letting Character A rest their head on their chest; lets them listen to their heart beat.
Character B whispering sweet nothings into Character A’s ear.
Character B checking in on Character A to make sure they’re comfortable and okay with the way things are going; to make sure they’re not being too much. “You’re not,” Character A would reassure, repositioning themselves to get closer to Character B.
Just cuddles and snuggles in general.
Neck kisses.
Kisses littered all over the face. (!!! It's one thing to read about it and one thing to experience it wlejbfewljn)
Character B tucking Character A’s head under their chin while they’re cuddling.
Character B nuzzling their neck and breathing in Character A’s scent/fragrance, and commenting on how nice they smell.
Character B making sure Character A gets home safe by driving them home.
Character A telling Character B to message them when they get back home safe, and once Character B gets home, they follow through by sending a message to let Character A know they’ve gotten back home safe.
Taking naps together, from day till night, waking up every now and then to get more snuggles in.
That soft exhalation of adoring laughter leaving Character B’s mouth after kissing Character A (this shit had me folding so fucking hard it’s not even funny. I Am Weak).
That soft exhalation of laughter once again just because Character B is so content with having Character A in their presence, and Character A just basking in how cute that sound is and how happy it makes them.
Character B entangling their legs with Character A’s, pressing their bodies flush against each other’s, leaving little to no space between them. (It’s almost like they can’t get enough of Character A.)
Kissing so many times, to the point where they lose track of how many times they’ve kissed already.
Holding hands and lacing their fingers together while they’re cuddling.
Comparing hand sizes and giggling about it together.
Character B stroking Character A’s hair while they’re asleep. (Or uh, pretends to be asleep DJSKKSKDSK but it’s so FUCKING CUTE WHEN HE DID THAT IM GONNA SCREAM, me thinking moments like these only happen in Korean dramas or some shit anfkakfksk-)
The sweet little banters in between; Character B being all cheesy and Character A playfully deflecting their comments only for Character B to playfully push back with an “Is something wrong with that?” or “But I’m not lying.”
Falling asleep in each other’s arms, both not wanting to leave the bed for the entire day and wanting to stay comfortably snuggled up against each other instead.
Character B placing their hands on Character A’s shoulders, and Character A, with a grin on their face, gently grabs Character B’s hands and wraps their arms around their neck while leaning back into them. Character B reciprocates by hugging them closer to them.
The soft noises of content Character A makes when they snuggle closer to Character B, or when they want Character B to hold them closer to them, with Character B happily obliging.
Character B rubbing their cheek against Character A’s.
Character B trying to not wake Character A up because they look so comfortable when sleeping. (His words, not mine.)
Soft, repeated pecks on the lips, causing Character A to laugh/smile against Character B’s lips.
#long post#again these are things i’ve experienced w/ cat guy that day#personal once again#me as character A and him as character B#not me exposing myself like this on a public platform wlkjfnefn#but then again i've got no shame left in me after all the rambles and vents i've been doing sOOO...#writing prompts#otp prompts#prompts#writing scenarios#cat guy chronicles
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Laios: people are hard to understand... There's way too many social rules to follow, popular conversation topics, eye contact, etc. They also rarely say what they mean and often they say the opposite, so much so that misunderstandings happen regularly.. Monsters are predictable animals with a set of rules and precautions you can follow to either tame or defeat them. if you know what to do, they're very easy to deal with!
Kabru: monsters are wild creatures with jerky unpredictable movements.. Their attitude can change in a second and if you don't have an insane amount of knowledge about them they can be, and often are, very dangerous. Human cultures often have strict and easy to follow rules that depend on certain communication strategies that are somewhat agreed upon universally. People no matter of background also react the same to many things (smiling, frowning, pupil dilation, etc.). if you know what to do, they're very easy to deal with!
#I've been thinking about how they're kind of two sides of the same coins#And their fixations are in perfect contrast#I hope I worded everything in a way that makes sense#Rambling#Dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#kabru dungeon meshi#dunmeshi laios#I'm only watching the anime rn btw so sorry if it's inaccurate
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The constant temptation and promise of everything and nothing in the odyssey. The sirens promise odysseus to know, and the lotus eaters promise him to forget. He could be an immortal, and he could be a beggar. Be known, and be a stranger. He could be alive, and he could be dead. He could be odysseus, and he could be nobody. And the man of many ways tries to be a little bit of everything.
#i've been thinking about this. for months.#i wanted to talk about this by properly writing something but i simply cannot wait. i just have to say it.#i am thinking about this almost every day. it's just. ughhh#i WILL write about this i'm telling you bro#anyways i have so many ideas that make me fall to my knees. but i'm keeping them to myself for now shhhh#niko rambles
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i refuse to believe that boycotting is hard. my favourite thing in the world is ordering maccies after a late night at work/a concert/getting drunk. yes i do miss it sometimes. but the other night i ordered from a small place near my house instead and it was the most orgasmic burger i've ever had in my life. i very rarely say this but fucking suck it up people are DEAD
#ramble#also only 0.29 delivery instead of 3.99#and chilli cheese bites#i swear to god the best food you'll ever eat while drunk is from the tiny shithole that's open until 4am#if you're refusing to do literally the smallest thing you can do to help then i have questions#it's FOOD. you'll survive#it's not even NECESSARY food#if it was like a chain grocery place and you don't have access to anything else then i would understand#but it's just NOT#make your own coffee for the love of god#when there is NOTHING you can do to stop this fucking tragedy. and let's be honest there isn't a lot normal people can do#and people say to you 'do this insignificant thing just to show that you even CARE'#and you DON'T do that???? what is actually wrong with you#also i've been worried about this since my last post about sbucks but this is Not an attack on the people who WORK at the boycotted places#because it is an absolute privilege to be able to leave your job and immediately find a new one
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wife
#yeah i'm not dead woo let's celebrate#my art#kuroshitsuji#kuroshitsuji fanart#black butler#black butler fanart#grelle sutcliff#grell sutcliff#anyway i didn't draw SHIT for a good while and when i got back to it i suddenly hated using the flat marker brush???#it's part of what makes my signature distinctive so i used it for that but yeah i switched brushes#oddly enough i'm not hating the more textured look? it gets very pixelated at times but it's not awful#back to the signature- it felt weirdly nice to sign things again#i haven't in a while#if you're one of the very few people who also follow me on instagram you'll know i don't use it on there#and the only art i've been doing these days has been original work so yeah nothing on tumblr#and thus the words 'brain exhaustion god stan' have not been written by this comically large hand in a hot minute#enough rambling this is just grelle art because i love her and i know y'all love her too so i thought it would be a nice comeback piece
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2024 Brazilian GP | x
#franco colapinto#autumn posts#I'm so conflicted about all the rumors!!#I want him to have a spot for 2025!! but rbr is kinda falling apart!! and we've seen how especially callous they can be 😢#I miss Daniel so much 🥺 I've been on my usual insta dives and everytime I see vcarb I still pause out of habit#still I agree with so many folks that its good he got away from rbr who never were going to give him the respect and opportunities!!#so I worry for Franco!!!#and poor Max gosh this FiA balogna and the car just not performing 🥲#tbh I've been hiding in like 2017 posts just soaking up content I missed from bygone days!#I spam my sideblog verstappen100 if anyone wants like mostly Daniel throwback yearning hehe 🙂↕️#idk the vibes feel off this GP especially so like...idk how to explain it!!#but anyways I think I'm just new and I'm sick irl so just kinda stewing in the feels#nothing some gifs can't fix 🙂↕️#and I have to work tomorrow 🥲 but then!!! freedom!!!#anyways just rambling...#I like to hide in the tags and the side blog but I know that#hiding how I feel is blocking me from making true connections in fandom!!#I worry I'll say something silly or something#but maybe I should be more brave instead of hiding#oh anyways!!!#if you're reading all this!! thank you! hehe nothing huge just feeling dumping before slumber 😴#I hope all is well!!#sending good energy out to Franco on such a hard weekend#and to Daniel hopefully chilling and dreaming up something excellent 💞#and to y'all!! have a good night morning and afternoon!! 🌙☀️☁️#going to add a few more photos before I go!!
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Urgent: Help Us Not Get Screwed
Anyone who follows us has seen us screaming from the hill-tops about our current crowdfunding campaign for Aether Beyond the Binary (17 aetherpunk stories! Outside the gender binary main characters!). We've only got 50 hours left...and we just got screwed.
Our Anthology Kickstarter is being scammed.
About two hours ago, with us still roughly $1,500 from our goal, we got a junk pledge for almost $2,000. This pushed us into being marked as "funded" but there is zero chance it's a real pledge, it's from a shell account marked as being in Turkey. This kind of money doesn't just fall like a miracle into the laps of small business like ours.
The timing on this attack is devastating. The final 48 hours of a campaign are absolutely critical, especially for one as close to meeting our goal as we are. We were very likely to hit our target, but doing so was going to require appeals to y'all that started with "hey, we're so close, please help spread the word." Further, the campaign has hundreds of followers who will get a notification at the 48 hour mark, and many who might have backed to help get us to the finish line will now think "oh, they're there, they don't need me," and not back. Meanwhile, one of two things will happen with the spam pledge: either it will get removed by Kickstarter, which could take hours or a day+, totally nuking us during this crucial window, or it won't get removed until the payment bounces post-campaign, at which point we won't actually have enough money to do fulfillment.
Either way, we are fucked.
Please, please don't let these dipshits ruin the love and passion that 30+ people have poured into this project for over a year.
Our campaign IS NOT FUNDED, and it won't be without help. I'm begging, help spread the word about how we're getting screwed, and help spread the word about Aether Beyond the Binary (visit the link for so much info!) so that we can get enough real pledges to fund this project we've poured our hearts and souls into.
SUPPORT THE QUEER ANTHOLOGY KICKSTARTER FOR AETHER BEYOND THE BINARY (with your pledges or with signal boosts!)
#unforth rambles#like seriously guys i feel sick#this is a disaster#and the absolute earliest KS can do anything about it is in another 2 hours when their offices open#but it will probably take longer#someone else i know running a campaign right now it took 24 plus hours to get rid of an $8k spam pledge on their campaign#we WILL NOT FUND if it takes that long#in my submission to KS support I've begged them to give us another day#but even that's only a stop-gap because we've been advertising as ending tomorrow#there's no fixing this#i'm so upset i'm nauseous
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#beetlejuice#lydia deetz#song is ghosting by mother mother#i've been wanting to make a crushingly sad animatic with this song about lydia outgrowing beetlejuice and leaving him behind for years#maybe someday....#also editing this was funny because the original scene has its cartoony little incidental music as usual#and beetlejuice crying WAUUUGHHH in the bg after he leaves#so i had to remove all that LMAO#let's remove the cartoony tone and make it.....depressing!!!#anyway thank you if you read my tags sorry for rambling#beetleposting
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Weird dream.
#art#tmnt#tmnt original iteration#tmnt au#tmnt au leo#leo#teenage mutant ninja turtles#tmta#artists on tumblr#Hi I came up with an AU idea like. Last November#*Oops October actually#And I'm only just posting about it on main. I'm so good at this#Tbf I'm quite happy to just work on it slowly I've got a lot of plot points to iron out anyway#Also I'm primarily doing this for myself#So sorry if the stuff I post doesn't have much substance to it. This mostly only exists inside my brain#Only thing I will share is that I've been referring to the setting as Teenage Mutant Transgender Allegories in my head lmao#They're not explicitly trans. But they may as well be because I am projecting Hard onto this#The turtles are also. Kind of dicks to begin with. Less so Donnie but he has other problems to deal with#The whole thing is about growth and learning to change. So yea#And obviously family too. This is TMNT after all.#ANYWAY. I WILL STOP RAMBLING IN THE TAGS NOW.#Gonna go through my drafts and post the other stuff I made before this one so it's at least in the right order even if I am posting it late
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