#I've been meaning to take this break for a while

[buckydeservesthebest]

I've kept thinking about this for a while… and I realized that I theorized too much and I think I took the wrong take in some respects, so I'm essentially coming to contradict myself on a few things.

I just realized that after activating the Winter Soldier's programming, Zemo first asks Bucky about the December 16, 1991 mission report, but this is something Bucky doesn't answer and that's why instead Zemo asks him about the specific Siberian base he was imprisoned in. This means that Bucky doesn't remember or have access to past mission reports, as these are something his handlers ask him for once he returns from those missions, before he is subjected to a new ECT session, which erases all his memories, there is no way for the pre-lobotomization information to still be there afterwards. That's why we never saw any of his handlers ask him for information about past missions, because he doesn't have them.

That said, I believe that while Bucky loses virtually all of the information he experienced under the Winter Soldier's mind control, there is a very small fraction that remains, and they are the memories that had the most impact on him and his psyche: the faces of the people he was forced to kill. In fact, precisely in TFATWS, the only flashback we got to see was of the Winter Soldier's targets, not how he got to the place in question in the first place, or how his handler gave him his orders. All we got to see were the kills, nothing else. Spellman also made reference to the fact that the only memories Bucky keeps are specifically of the faces of the people he was forced to kill.

"So when Bucky enters the series, he's never ever shaken what he believes, which is, *'I remember everyone, murders,* which means that part of me was there, which means a part of the Winter Soldier is me.' And if even a fraction of Winter Soldier is you, you are an awful person."

The Marvel Studios; Visual Dictonary book also makes reference to Bucky only remembering that.

And if anything, the only thing extra that Bucky could remember was the location of the HYDRA base in Siberia where he was imprisoned, but most likely this is something he remembers because he was taken there since 1945, i.e. before HYDRA had managed to break his mind at all. And most likely also, the only thing Bucky could remember about the place is the visual description, because there is no way he could have extracted the specific coordinates of the place from those vague fuzzy memories. He just gave the location description to Zemo and he deduced the rest on his own.

I also believe that the information Bucky gave about the other Winter Soldiers was not something he remembered on his own, but something Zemo told him. And that's something Bucky vaguely remembered because he hadn't been subjected to an ETC session before the trigger words were spoken. Because it doesn't make sense that Bucky could have remembered the other WS when he couldn't remember that mission report, nor that Zemo first asked him about it, when also this would be information that would have been lost after another 25 years of ECT. Another thing that supports this, is that Bucky told Steve and Sam that Zemo could control the other Winter Soldiers when this is not true, because none of them were subjected to mind control like Bucky was. So ultimately, this idea must have been something Zemo told Bucky.

In turn, Bucky doesn't remember what he did shortly after that, which is why he asked “what did I do?” when he woke up from the blackout, and why he also didn't seem to recognize Sam, Sharon, Natasha or anyone else, nor could he even remember fighting Steve. On his reunion with Steve in Bucharest, Bucky also doesn't remember that prior to pulling Steve out of the river, the two had had a confrontation.

So my conclusion is that the only memories that remain in Bucky's mind are only the ones that left the most impact on him, which are the faces of the people he was forced to kill, and nothing else.

By the way, about the long debate among the fandom about whether it is true or not that Bucky could not fully recognize Steve in their meeting in Bucharest, the book "Marvel Studios The Marvel Cinematic Universe An Official Timeline" gives a definitive answer, Bucky was telling the truth, he recognized Steve's face but not his friendship, at least not fully. And it was with time, or perhaps thanks to the blow that caused his blackout, that Bucky began to recover more of his memories together...

“That line was an interesting moment. At the time, the choice I was making is that [Bucky] had realized there was no way he was getting out of there, and someone was gonna die, whether it was gonna be him, Steve or Tony. When he says that line, to me, it was a turning point — he was, like, ‘Okay, I know what you want me to say, and I’m just gonna say it.’ When someone comes at you over and over again, and they can’t hear you, they can’t see you’re pleading with them, you’re trying to figure out how to get through to them and they just won’t accept it, at some point you just give in, and you go, ‘that’s right, that’s what you want.’ Of course [Bucky] didn’t remember them all.” —  Sebastian Stan

[antimony-medusa]

But what do you MEAN this fic where blorbo gets mind controlled might be kinky?

So I am kind of famous for saying that this fandom has a lot of untagged kinks and I get people in my notes pretty regularly going YES I"M BEGGING YOU TAG IT or YOU"RE DERANGED THIS IS PLATONIC, etc. Lots of strong emotions. But I also get people who are going uh, I knew something was going on, but I couldn't really identify it— what do you mean exactly? What kinks are you seeing?

So, this post is breaking down things I've seen and how in some cases, they start to cross the line into kink territory. These are all things that were being done platonically— no dicks were out, everybody's clothes were on (in most cases, not always with the dehumanization tropes)— but the focus of the narrative started to place special weight on specific features, experiences, or concepts— there were extended paragraphs that served no narrative purpose except to dwell on something— in a way that I started to go "the point of this fic is the squiggly feeling the author or reader gets on reading about this specific setup— this is getting kinky". And that is fine, I am not placing any moral weight on engaging in kinks— people just get wired sometimes to really like the concept of bondage— but a) sometimes it would be nice to get a heads up as a reader, b) if you like these things— there are tags out there that are FULL of this concept, you might like to do it or search it out on purpose.

So I asked some friends what things have they found in platonic fics that they went "ah. yeah. something is happening here", and this post is the result. A lot of these things don't exist in the real world or people don't necessarily want them to happen in the real world/to them, so it's understandable that a person can miss how they'd started to morph and become something new. But when we talk about kink in fiction we're often talking about things that either can't or we don't want to happen in real life, it's just that reading about them/writing them scratches our brain.

And also, to be clear, in no way do I mean that if you've written these concepts then you definitely have been writing kink. There are vanilla ways to do all of these concepts, and sometimes the idea of dehumanization is interesting to you from a narrative standpoint, for example. You can also engage with them in a non-sexual way— many ace people are very kinky— so I'm not saying that you've secretly been writing porn OR writing something you have a real desire to happen to you. Just to make that clear. However, if you keep coming back to a specific setup for writing or reading, it might be worth investigating if certain things scratch your brain in a specific way.

So.

Blorbo gets mind controlled and there's a detailed breakdown of their descent into this altered state and then they're just so biddable and out of it and vulnerable and the narrative places weight either on someone taking advantage of them in this state, taking care of them, or their own subjective experience having lost control: this is hypnokink. Hypnokink or mind control— lots of ways to do it, but there is a thriving hypnosis or hypnokink scene that you might want to look into. Sometimes this is played for horror, but even the horror stuff can be kinky if played in a certain way. This falls under a larger umbrella of "altered states" that is very popular.

Blorbo gets drugged/intoxicated, often against their will, and heavy narrative weight is placed on their experience while drunk/drugged and unable to control themselves or conceptualize what is happening: this is intox kink. Another altered state— and again this is sometimes used for horror, but even the horror can give you the special tinglies if the dread is mixed with something.

Blorbo is turned into a vampire or taken by a vampire, gets drunk from or drinks blood, and there's specific narrative focus on how good the blood tastes, blood from a wound trickling down over someone's body and maybe being licked up, a hunger being sated— so vampires are a longstanding trope that can be done in a strictly horror way, but a LOT of vampire tropes are deeply kinky along the ideas of possession, loss of bodily autonomy, fear/desire, and consumption. This, for example, I have definitely read dipping into bloodplay or consumption kink. Sometimes blood drinking scenes are directly metaphorical for sex, including narrative tension building to a release where someone feels so good, but also there are other elements, such as a focus on blood that gets kinky.

Blorbo has wings that get preened, and it feels so good they can't hold back instinctive movements and sounds (maybe bird sounds) and they're so grateful and bond so much with the person doing it with them— This is wing kink. This is actually the first trope in this fandom that I identified that some things were happening with, because I was reading these fics that had been recommended to me as family fluff going— am I crazy or is something else happening here? Wingfic has been broadly used as a platonic/familial trope in this fandom, however, the structure of the scenes in which it is written about sometimes has heavy crossover with wingfic in other fandoms, where they are using it as a smut trope— the fic just didn't have anyone literally orgasm at the end. But if there's involuntary sounds or movement from the person with the wings, a focus on how pleasurable it feels, a feeling of release or rightness that someone gives the person with wings, and then they cuddle afterwards— yeah.

Blorbo is terrified and chased by a monster of some kind, with a heavy focus on how frightened they are, how inexorable the monster is, and something bad going to happen, and/or the monster chasing them enjoying their terror— this can just be horror. OR it can be fear play or predator/prey. Sometimes it's both.

Blorbo is confronted by monsters (perhaps giants or aliens) who are much bigger than them and the threat of being eaten by them is narratively focused on, either bitten or swallowed whole. Sometimes in the narrative the eating happens, either safely or to their death— this is vore. Being eaten alive is also a horror trope so it isn't always vore, but it is sometimes most certainly vore.

Aliens or monsters/hybrids much bigger than blorbo have them as family/friends/romantic partners/captives: this is giant/tiny. Sometimes just a science fiction au but if there's a lot of weight being placed on how big they are and how small blorbo is, this could be g/t. Borrower aus can frequently start to fall into this category. If they're not THAT big but there's focus on things like "oh they can span my waist with one hand", this can be size kink, instead. (Note that to my knowledge the platonic version is giant/tiny and sexual is micro/macro— there's a thriving platonic scene I sometimes see when I'm cruising tags, so if you like this you might want to check that out.)

Blorbo is non-consensually touched, cuddled, or modified, and narrative focus is placed on this as a violation/outrage/loss of bodily autonomy: again, this is something that can just be a horror trope, but there is often a larger or smaller strain of consent issues in it. If blorbo doesn't want it at first but eventually feels at home in the nest and feels good, that's dubcon (dubious consent), and if they are fighting it and raging against it and will never be part of your family, that starts to overlap with noncon (non-consent). Blorbo's bodily autonomy is being non-consentually violated, which would put it under the consent issues umbrella. I think many people writing these tropes are simply focusing on captivity and bad things happening to blorbo— when one is a prisoner they automatically lose bodily autonomy, and I don't think that every fic set in a dungeon requires a consent issues tag— and additionally many people are writing from family settings that include bodily autonomy being violated (being forced to hug your aunt you don't want to hug, for example, is an example that many of us have experienced). Not every example of non-consensual touching is always consent issues. However, when the narrative focus is on the outrage and betrayal of it all, the loss of control, and/or the helplessness, this can start to serve a different narrative function in a story than simply illustrating that a family is touchy. I have read scenes that structurally function as a thinly-veiled metaphor for sexual assault, including things like blorbo being held down while they fight against what is being done to their body. Some of these could have used additional tagging. Note: because this is such a hot button topic I should mention that if you like writing or reading this I do not think that means you are a fan of violence happening in the real world— a) reading a bad thing happening on the page makes it containable and controllable in a way that the real world does not, people also like to read about murder and dismemberment— b) simply the presence of a happy ending tag on a fic contextualizes that the bad thing is something to be passed through in a way that again, the real world does not offer. This is a similar thing to torture, suicide, or slavery, where sometimes you want to see blorbo have a bad fictional time specifically in things that would be terrible in real life, and in your real life you do not condone police brutality or want these things to happen. Again, sometimes people like to read about people being eaten alive, and it does not mean they condone wolves on the streets.

Blorbo is captured by alien/fae and kept as a pet, sometimes kept in a cage or collared, unable to communicate with the people holding them: this is often tagged as dehumanization and it is that, but it also starts to contain elements of pet play. If there is an emphasis on having to eat pet food, be "trained" by their owner, leashing/collaring/crating— this may be pet play.

Adult or near-adult blorbo is adopted and take care of by a new dad who knows everything to keep them safe and loves them and can take care of them and they can just let go and be their new sonboy because Dad's got them: Right. So this is sometimes just someone writing a "wouldn't it be nice to be taken care of" fantasy. Sometimes this is Daddy kink. This is almost never tagged and in some cases that I have read it certainly deserves an additional tag. An adult Daddy or Mommy figure taking care of their adult Little who can just be taken care of and not worry is a d/s trope. In some cases, where you have an established adult with a job who gets taken by magical means who then finds their true home as a powerful being's new child where they don't have to worry about their former life and they mentally find comfort in their new role as sonboy, this may also be Caregiver/Little. Direct age regression (often written by people who experience it) is usually tagged appropriately, but narrative elements that nod to that while not actually being age regression, such as an adult being now treated as a child and the narrative presenting that as good, are remarkably common and often entirely untagged in certain tags/circles. If someone could look at your fic and expect adult peers and then this happens, you should consider tagging or phrasing your summary differently.

Blorbo has hybrid instincts that overcome their cognitive functioning and make them revert to an instinctive form such that they can only be calmed/soothed by another hybrid of a different type: now this at this point is basically its own trope and I am fascinated to see if this trope expands out of MCYT as people move to new fandoms. However, it shares a startling amount of overlap with omegaverse. One of the primary draws of omegaverse for many people is the biologically determined altered states and the fated-mates aspect, and hybrids reverting to instincts and needing particular care from a perfect family is often beat for beat things I've read in omegaverse, just platonic. When you have a biologically determined "protector" figure and a biologically determined "runt" whose job is to be taken care of and to submit to the protector, and this is required to calm the protector, it also has strong overlap with BDSM aus.

Blorbo is captured or contained and tied up, and narrative emphasis is placed on their experience of being bound and struggling against restraints or just how impossible to escape from the restraints are: this is bondage. I have had friends who are into this mention that they used to tie up their barbies as children, so again, as with all of these, this can be perfectly platonic— but something about that concept just seems particularly satisfying to the writer, perhaps it is more than just set dressing.

Blorbo is captured and there is strong emphasis on them being hurt or the waves of pain rolling over them as they are tortured: this is just an honourable whump trope, but a lot of whump tropes if handled in a specific way have strong crossover with BDSM. Lack of ability to move or restriction of senses, loss of control— or, as with this, an emphasis on pain or inflicting pain, which can cover sadism or masochism depending on our POV.

Blorbo is overwhelmed and only finds comfort in submitting to the authority of someone who they completely trust, whether because of past trauma or because of hybrid instincts: this is d/s, or domination/submission. If there's specific emphasis on allowing someone to take control finally makes blorbo's head go quiet, that's subspace.

Blorbo is marked or indicated as belonging to someone, either through something like an earring or a brand/tattoo or a magical mark, so that anyone who looks at them will know that they belong to someone: again, this can just be horror, but especially if it's framed as a good/satisfying thing, it also can contain strong crossover with BDSM, especially master/slave elements.

Blorbo is transformed and corrupted, often being bodily changed into a new form by aliens or fae or mobs: this is obviously body horror, but this can also be transformation kink. This is a narrative trope in SF and horror so someone can approach this completely innocently, but when handled in less of a horror way, it can take on other undertones. If there is a strong emphasis on the innocence and unprepared nature of blorbo before being changed into what someone wants them to be, this can be corruption kink as well.

Blorbo dresses up for a fancy event and there's emphasis on how specifically they look, or maybe blorbo is looking at someone else and thinking about how THEY look in their formalwear: sometimes this is just description and/or the author likes textiles. I have also read things where I think the author would get a lot of joy out of pursuing the formalwear kink tag.

Blorbo finally gets told that they did a good job and everyone is complimentary or a specific trusted figure is complimentary, they're appreciated and loved and good: sometimes this is just someone writing a fantasy of blorbo being appreciated. Sometimes this is praise kink. If blorbo is being held by their parent or mentor or trusted elder sibling who is telling them that they're good, everyone is wrong about them, they know that they're good, this could be praise kink.

Touch-starved blorbo finally is given good touch and they are overwhelmed and don't know how to handle it and it feels so good: I did even know this was a thing until I asked for examples, but a friend let me know that this falls under the "touch sensitive" or "sensation play" umbrella. If you have spent time in a touch-starved tag, you have almost definitely seen this.

Blorbo is overwhelmed and bursts into tears and either cries a lot or heavy narrative weight is placed on them crying at important moments when it all becomes too much: this is not always, but can certainly be, dacryphilia.

Blorbo fucks up and is made fun of by all their peers, placed on centre stage and just mercilessly mocked: sometimes you are just whumping the character, and sometimes this can be humiliation kink.

Blorbo is tickled. That's the whole scene/fic. Okay so you actually may know this if you cruise character tags, but tickling is a kink and there are several blogs devoted to it on this website. If the whole point of this scene is the tickling, the character losing control and being overwhelmed, the person doing it to them having them at their control— this may be the kink.

Blorbo just keeps sneezing at inopportune times, they keep losing control and can't keep themselves from being overwhelmed by this: this can be sneeze kink.

Blorbo has finally made it to safety, maybe after a time of privation and starvation, and then there's whole scenes with an emphasis on how much they eat, how full and round they're getting, maybe them eating to the point of getting sick, maybe burping, maybe them having difficulty moving because of how much they've eaten. Food as part of recovery or safety can just be a healing trope, and food as a metaphor for love and community is a favoured tag of many of us in the fandom, but if the emphasis is especially on the eating and the getting full, how full the person feels, how much they can eat— this could be feederism.

Blorbo is injured or killed and there's a huge emphasis on the wounds, dismemberment, focus on gore and how bad it is and how much they're coming to pieces: this can be guro. If the person dies at the end of it and there's emphasis on that, this can also be snuff. Or maybe it's just gore/MCD, but some fics and some scenes dwell on it in such a way that you start to ask if this is intended to be horror or if something else is happening.

Blorbo is dressed up beautifully and looks so good in their new outfit, maybe to the point that the person who dressed them doesn't want them to move, just sit and be admired: this can be dollification, or kinking specifically on being dressed.

Blorbo is going through a medical examination and specific focus is placed on the impersonal aspect, being manhandled or examined by tools or gloved hands, they are the somewhat-dehumanized medical subject of professionals: this is sometimes horror or dehumanization, but it can also be medical kink.

__

So. As you can see. There are a lot of possible kinks that can be handled in a platonic way, but this doesn't mean they aren't kinky. This isn't even everything possible, this is just what came up when I asked the group chat what they personally have seen where they feel that a platonic fic could have used additional tagging.

I am not saying that any of this is wrong to be interested in these kinks, either. People get wired a lot of different ways and sometimes you just feel a certain way about formalwear. Or bondage. Or vore. Or tickling. My point is just that if any of this resonates with you, you might want to consider adding extra tags to your work (you don't even have to tag "humiliation kink," "humiliation" works just fine), and you also might want to consider checking out some tags, because there is probably a vibrant community of people who also like that and who would both love your work and would love to share their work with you.

That's it. Go with god. Now if people are going to be in my notes going HOW CAN SOMETHING PLATONIC BE KINKY I have something to link them.

[stromblessed]

this tweet is absolutely one of the milder ones i've seen on my feed which just proves i need to stop looking at twitter but this example of shipping goggles leading to basic misinterpretations of arcane season 1 scenes that are quite cut and dry thematically might be the straw that breaks my back

what do you MEAN Viktor was being gentle. what do you MEAN viktor was calm. he was not. Viktor says "you... ordered this? why?" he's surprised, offended, and sounds almost betrayed at the idea that jayce would order the blockade. viktor is confused, then flabbergasted, then angry, then furious. there is a gradient between "gentle and calm" and "screaming spitting mad" and viktor is somewhere in the middle of that gradient, but just because he isn't screaming and yelling at jayce, that doesn't mean he was either gentle or calm

"what difference does that make?" is also not calm - it's showing that Jayce has not been fully mask-off prejudiced in front of Viktor before, and Viktor is so thrown that Jayce would and does take the mask off in this moment, showing that Jayce is not so different from the average prejudiced citizen of Piltover despite being Viktor's friend, that he is genuinely asking what is going through Jayce's head. Viktoris trying to make Jayce make some sense, but the words do still show confusion and distress

and then "I'm from the undercity" IS angry, now that Viktor realizes what Jayce is saying and why. he is not being gentle or calm or even all that understanding towards Jayce - Viktor is hurt and angry and he lashes out to make Jayce think twice about what he's just said, though the damage has been done because Jayce's words and actions have combined to move us and Viktor towards an understanding of who Jayce is and what he truly believes when his back is up against the wall

also i can't count how many times people have re-interpreted Viktor slapping Jayce's hand away as a cute funny thing he does, rather than an act of anger - frustrated, righteous anger

the reason reading this made me so frustrated is because it's one more step toward the broader fandom's continuing re-imagining of Viktor as a mild, sweet, often passive character

and to take it one step further in what i've observed, it helps re-imagine Viktor as someone who is versed enough in the prejudices Zaunites face on the daily to easily handle Jayce's prejudiced words and behavior. this serves not only to make Viktor sweeter, gentler, and frankly smaller than he is in canon - especially in season 1 - but also, depending on the day, may try to make Viktor more "perfect" and noncombatant, ignorant or completely separated from the concept of the Piltover/Zaun conflict, a more "ideal" activist (an aspect of his character that is implied in season 1 and then is unfortunately all but abandoned in season 2), or just more well-versed in Zaun vs. Piltover sociopolitics, which he simply is not. Viktor is both clever, and also a messier, less heroic character than all that, while still being a target of Jayce's prejudice directly but mostly, usually, indirectly. and Viktor does not perfectly understand this. he only knows and sees enough to be offended and frustrated throughout the story

there's having one's own interpretations of canon, and then there's mischaracterizing consistently and constantly, leading to the state of the fandom today where it's increasingly difficult to have nuanced conversations about characters like Viktor or Jayce. why not ship jay//vik but WITH Viktor's anger, the complications, and the messiness

or is that not an option now that the writing of season 2 glossed over any difficult social or political concepts that did exist in season 1

[meetmypointlessaddiction]

December Fic Day 14 ~ Christmas Miracle

Feels like ages since I've written anything but here we are.

Summary: You and Logan have been trying for a baby for a long time

Warnings: pregnancy, trouble conceiving,

Pairing: Logan Howlett x fem!reader

Enjoy and please like and comment if you do. Something as simple as an emoji literally makes my day better so please don't hesitate to comment and obviously reblog to share my work.

December Masterlist

It was no secret that Logan had a big dream of starting a family. Ever since Logan realised that you were in it for the long run and you weren’t going to leave him, he had found ways to hint at having a family with you. Whether it was deciding to ‘accidentally’ wind up in the baby aisle in a store or offering to babysit one of your friends’ babies for the day, he found small ways to try and signal to you that he wanted to grow your little family. 

For months, the pair of you had had negative pregnancy test after negative pregnancy test, the world seemingly against you when it came to having a little one of your own. After too long without success, you and Logan decided that maybe you had to reconsider your plans for the future. 

“Lo I know you’re desperate for a baby… we don’t have to stop trying.”

“Honey I can see a little more of you die every time you see the result that we don’t want. I’m not gonna ask you to keep going through that pain… I’m not gonna ask you to break yourself to have a baby. Sometimes it’s just not meant to be, right?” He said, both of his hands holding yours from across the table. 

“I don’t wanna give up on this, Lo. I want a baby too… how about we go at it a different way?” You suggested and Logan looked up at you confused, kissing your wrist and cocking one eyebrow. 

“You mean like… positions or…?” You couldn’t help but laugh through the tears and shake your head. 

“No baby, no. I mean… maybe we stop trying but not stop trying.” You said but realised how confusing that sounded. “What I mean is I’m not gonna go back on the pill but we’re not gonna wait until I’m ovulating we’re just gonna live our lives and if it happens then it happens. I’m not gonna test until I get symptoms and we’re not gonna stress about it.” You concluded and Logan watched you with a smile on his face. 

“Is that what you want?” He asked and when you nodded he smiled. “Okay. If that’s what you wanna do baby then that’s what we’ll do.”

~~~~~~~~~~

For a while, nothing happened. You didn’t test, there were no symptoms and no missed periods but Logan didn’t lose hope. He didn’t blame you, didn’t make you feel guilty, instead he offered to get himself tested to see if his healing factor or his age had anything to do with it. 

For months, the pair of you were happy as you were, you didn’t pay attention to your cycle, didn’t plan out when you were ovulating, you just had fun with it and tested your luck, hoping that one day, you’d get what you were hoping for.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Lo, I’m fine. It’ll just be cramps or something okay? I’m alright, you don’t have to take a day off of work just because I’m under the weather.” You hadn’t been feeling great for the last few days and now, Logan was determined to stay home. 

“Could it… could you be pregnant?” Logan asked and you froze, realising that he could be right. You rushed to the bathroom, rooting through your drawer to find a pregnancy test, checking the expiry date before tearing the box open. Logan stood in the doorway, watching you and you raised an eyebrow. “Right, sorry.” 

When you had done everything, following the instructions to a T, you came out of the bathroom, putting the test on top of the box on your dresser and feeling Logan’s arms wrap around your waist. 

“I love you no matter what happens, okay? ‘M not going anywhere.” He mumbled against your neck and you smiled, putting your hands on top of his and interlocking your fingers. 

After three minutes, it was time for you to look. “I’m scared.” You admitted quietly and Logan squeezed you a little bit tighter. “What if it’s not positive?” 

“Then we go back to how we were. A negative test isn’t the be all and end all, baby.” He encouraged you and you picked the test up, feeling him grab your chin and turn you to look at him, kissing you gently. “No matter what, baby.” He reminded you and you nodded, looking down at the test in your hands and freezing. 

“Oh my- Logan! Logan, oh my god!” You turned in his arms and shoved the pregnancy test in front of his face. “Logan…” 

“We’re gonna have a baby, baby!”

Dividers: @coolcatsgraphics

I'm also on A03 :)

Requests are also open if there is anything that people want me to write 💛

[subbmissivesuccubus]

You bratty thing you

How Halsin, Gale and Astarion react to you trying to make them jealous~ (Fem Human reader)

A/n: Uh oh new obsession. Not NSFW but heaaavily implied. I also haven't played the game and know very little outside of the characters and the romance so excuse me if some details don't align with the world.

~~~~~

The grip on your wrist was tight, your heels clanking against the ground as you were dragged into your tent, leaving behind the party, some of whom noticed the display. You were pulled into the tent, letting out a huff as you snatched your hand away from your boyfriends grip, ignoring him as you walked to the nearest mirror and started fixing up your appearance. Your hair was a mess from the dancing and some of your makeup was starting to smudge from the sweat. Best to fix it while you can.

｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆

"Well, I have to be honest with you my love, I am not the biggest fan of your behavior tonight." Gale said, his words crisp and to the point.

"Whatever do you mean?" You ask, faking confusion, "I think I've been a delight."

"Oh, I'm sure that's what you believe and I'm sure that druid you were grinding up against shares in that opinion." your man snarked, watching as you undid your pretty hair style, "I know I wasn't paying as much attention to you but that's no excuse for you to...to...flounder around with another man!"

"We were just dancing." you said, pinning your hair back up in a more simply style, "It's not my fault you were too busy to dance with me instead. You thought the other sorcerers were better company and so, I too found better company."

Gale let out an exasperated laugh before he walked upto you, standing behind you menacingly close as he glared at your reflection in the mirror.

"Is that was this is? You didn't have my undivided attention and so you seek companionship from somebody else? I didn't expect you to be so fickle minded, my love. I thought you knew my heart belongs to you even if I'm not always at your side to remind you."

"Well, perhaps I do need a reminder then. It won't kill you to put in some effort, you know." you retorted, rolling your eyes. but you gasped as Gale suddenly flicked his wrist and gave your behind a sharp spank, catching you by the waist as you turned around to snap at him. He pulled you close to his body, his face now mere inches away from yours, the frown on his face doing little to hide the glint behind his eyes.

"I see. So that's what this is about." he said, he free hand releasing some magic and you watched as your tent was locked up tightly, "Fine then. I shall spend all night reminding you, my love."

｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆

Astarion rolled his eyes in annoyance as you focused on your reflection instead of him. He looked like he wanted to snap at you, but he managed to compose himself. Afterall, he knew very well the act one must do to get attention considering he had done it countless times before.

"I see you chose to have an attitude tonight. Naughty little pet." Astarion growled, coming in close to you before he gripped your chin with his thumb and forefinger, forcing you to look at him, a scowl on his face as he took in your poorly masked smirk, "Don't think I don't know what you're doing."

"Hmm? And what am I doing?" you asked just as you snapped your head to the side to break your lovers hold on your, his jaw dropping a bit in disbelief at your disobedience. He scoffed, taking a deep breath before his mouth curled into a toothy grin, eyebrows raised as he looked you up and down. You knew how much he loved this dress on you and it took every fiber of his being to not rip out the throat of the elf man who was flirty fiddling with the thin straps of it.

"Okay. If you want to play with fire, consider yourself burnt, pup." Astarion warned, "We are going to go back out there and continue the party."

"...Really?" you asked, raising an eyebrow in confusion.

"Oh yes!" Astarion exclaimed with his usual theatrics, his arms moving about as he continued: "Dance! Drink! Eat! Flirt~ Do whatever you'd like because after the party, I expect you to come to the bedroom to take your punishment. Be late and I shall hunt you down and take you where you stand, audience be damned."

"Oh yeah?" you challenged still, moving in a bit closer so you could really rub your defiance in his face, your breath tickling his lips, "And what are you going to do, hmm? Slap me? Spank me? Been there, done that. You're getting boring~"

"Keep running that pretty little mouth and yours and you'll see just how boring I can be." Astarion said, also moving closer so he could press his lips against your ear, smirking at the way you shivered as he spoke: "Whatever shall I do to you, hmm? Over-stimulation? Or perhaps edging? Maybe I'll just tie you on the bed and leave you there for awhile. No matter what- you're going to be crying for me and then we shall see if you still want to be a bratty little mutt."

He pulled away, not missing the way your pupils had dilated slightly, "Unless, of course, you apologize."

"Hah!" you barked out, "Not a chance."

"That's my girl~" Astarion purred, cuffing you under the chin, "I'm going to have a lot of fun with you."

｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆

"Your behavior tonight is unusual, to say the least." Halsin said as he wrapped his arms over his chest, watching you as you pulled out your lipstick to touch up the color, "Is there something you wish to talk about? If you are upset with me, we can be civilized adults and have a discussion. No need for your theatrics."

"I'm not upset at all." you defended, "And I don't think I did anything to suggest I am."

"Really?" Halsin challenged, raising an eyebrow, "So you didn't wear this...alluring outfit to spite me? To make me watch as other people and creatures alike drool over what's mine? I know we got together when I suggested we be in an open relationship but considering we are now very much exclusive to each other- and only each other- I don't appreciate the teasing, my heart."

"Oh, I think you're reading too much into it." you continued to deflect, not even looking at him as you instead paid attention to your makeup, popping your lips to spread the color evenly before you stood up straighter, "Anyway, how do I look? Is my hair alright?"

"Your hair is going to be grasped in my hands and tugged on within an inch of it's life if you don't give me a proper answer" Halsin warned, making you pause and gulp at his tone. You had a moment to reconsider your behavior, knowing full well that you wanted Halsin to lose control but a small part of you wondered it if was worth it.

It would hurt- but it would be fun~

You turned towards him and clicked your tongue in annoyance, the sound making him raise an eyebrow at your disrespect, "So moody for no reason, honey." you said, trying to gaslight him while knowing full well it wouldn't work, "I suppose I'm not allowed to wear a pretty dress anymore, hmm? Do I have to get your opinion every time I change clothes? Heavens forbid I have my own desires for what garment I done!"

"Watch it..." Halsin responded, voice going down an octave deeper and making your body shiver, "You know I care not for what you choose to wear. But allowing other people to swarm you like rabid dogs looking for a feast- that is where I draw the line and you know it."

"Oh, please." you retort, walking towards him and boldly pocking him on the chest with a manicured nail before dragging it upto his collarbone, "I see how the others look at you, you know. They want to just snatch you up and take a bite! If you weren't so focused on your jealousy, you would see the death glares I get from people- wishing I was out of the picture so they could be yours."

Halsin huffed as he grabbed your finger, squeezing it tightly as his other hand wrapped around your waist, pulling you in close. You gasp as your bodies pressed together, Halsin so deliciously big, warm and manly against you- it made you tingle with excitement.

"I only have eyes for you, my heart." he said, bringing your hand upto his lips to place a sweet kiss to your finger tip, "I didn't even notice the others. Here I was, thinking you were trying to be bratty and it never occurred to me that you are the real jealous one here."

He leaned down and caught your lips before you could retort, pulling away far to quickly for your liking. He smirked down at you, his hand travelling lower and you gasped as he took a greedy grab of your behind.

"What say we have some fun right now?" he asked, flexing his fingers, "Let everyone know just how in love we are~ No one would dare to glare at you with the imprint of my teeth on your neck, afterall."

｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆

[quixtrix]

shirking responsibility - a mouthwashing mini analysis

cws; abortion, suicide, sexual assault discussion yknow i dont think i've seen people talk about this, and if there are, i haven't seen it yet, but anya's dialogue in her death scene possibly suggests that jimmy may have suggested to abort the baby.

these lines, put right next to each other, never really struck me as odd until i thought about the first line in the context of anya taking her own life. if they were directed towards jimmy as in jimmy being the one to encourage it, then why would jimmy, even though he constantly berates anya for more or less being a 'useless' nurse, tell their only nurse to kill herself? hes never malicious enough to outright say that or directly encourage that for one, he just sees her as both her role as a nurse and a woman first.

and as a woman, her natural purpose, in his eyes, would be to serve and satisfy the man. its one of the many reasons why he rapes her, and possibly continued to do so, enough to where she becomes pregnant.

we know from the dead pixel scene and the pregnancy reveal scene that it brings her distress, with both scenes being 2 days and 1 day before the crash respectively. the crash may have been spurred on by the fact that curly told jimmy about the pregnancy, but there is a possibility that anya had told jimmy before, as she knew she was pregnant already. the fact that curly found out about jimmy using anya as he had through the pregnancy reveal means that jimmy would have to take responsibility for his actions in full, not only through possible fatherhood, but for his crime.

anya telling jimmy about the pregnancy is a possibility if only because she can't tell anyone else. no one else knew about her being raped before she tells them herself, (ex. dead pixel scene, in the foamed up cockpit with swansea), so she couldn't exactly break the news to anyone else but jimmy. to jimmy, to have the baby would mean that there is physical evidence of his crime, physical consequence as he would have to take responsibility.

kids, regardless of conception, are a big responsibility. a hindrance, especially in the workplace, as one would have to take time off and shift their focus from their work just for the kid. for someone who wants to progress, for someone like jimmy, this isn't something that he wanted out of what was easy relief. the easiest option is to get rid of the baby, to get rid of the massive consequence for his actions he would have to take responsibility for.

now lets take a look at another bit of dialogue that also caught my attention.

while this does apply to her taking her own life, it can have a double meaning when we bring the baby into the context. when accidental, women are often blamed for getting pregnant in general. family members blame the woman, bystanders blame the woman, a partner who doesn't want a baby blame the woman. all for a biological function that the woman cannot control. this is especially the case with unwanted pregnancy when the partner not holding the baby holds some sort of power over the woman. whether it be through work power dynamics, through financial power, or through the popularity of the partner, it can be seen as 'baby-trapping;' keeping the partner in the relationship through the responsibility of a baby.

for someone as paranoid as jimmy, who eventually spirals into believing that everyone is against him, this may very well be the case in his eyes.

to jimmy, anya is a woman before anything else. she is a woman in the sense that she is there for the purpose of servitude, and her position as nurse does not help. she is a damn good nurse, however her perceived incompetence by jimmy overshadows this fact. to her, she is a tool for relief, for his own comfort, seeing as none of the other men have 'claimed' her as their own. so as both a woman, and a nurse, both of which are traditionally perceived as below a 'man' and a co-pilot, jimmy would see it fit that he would have the right to impose his will on her. whenever he takes responsibility as self-appointed captain, he does it because the captain has to take care of the crew. but as co-pilot, he is in a sweet spot, where he is comfortably above the rest, but not responsible for their wellbeing; just his own.

to have his crimes known, to have a baby, this is all placing responsibility on jimmy he doesnt want. which is why hes the man he is in game. he only wants the good, he wants the pleasure, not the disgusting consequences of it.

on anyas side, theres also the guilt of it all. pregnancy is a huge responsibility, much less one conceived by rape. she knows how selfish it is to take her own life, as the nurse of the ship, yes, but circling back to the fact that the woman is blamed for becoming pregnant, we know that it also applies in mouthwashing, because of what curly says when anya reveals she is pregnant to him.

"Who would you-"

the very implication of a choice, a choice that anya did not have in the actions that caused her pregnancy, shifts the blame from jimmy, to her. its a very deliberate word choice that makes it known that despite whatever curly decides to do in the light of this situation, it's anya's fault. anya was the one that decided to carry this pregnancy. it's not seen as her burden, it's seen as her choice because she is pregnant.

in a ship such as the tulpar, there is not much one could do in terms of abortion. the best route endangers both mother and fetus, which is why one could understand how anya wouldn't abort the rape baby when she is significantly more stable than she is in her death scene. before then, the crash wasn't even thought as a thing that would happen. sure, they're out of a job once the freight cruiser comes back to earth, but no one would expect such a huge consequence to come out of coming forward with her story like that.

so by keeping the baby, possibly out of her own survival, and indirectly causing the crash, anya possibly feels more guilt than one reasonably should.

i say indirectly causing the crash because in the end, it's jimmy who didn't want to own up and take responsibility for his own actions. and while anya and the rest of the crew aren't aware of the whole story, it wouldn't be hard to piece together what possibly could be the reason for it if it came literally a day after one tells the captain about her own pregnancy, right?

think of the guilt that anya may have felt. no, she is not directly responsible, but guilt doesn't work that way, especially not with rape. in a ship where her rapist is the boss and the man she went to for help defended him instead, leading to where they are now, it's not easy to not let it get to one's head. plus, she's constantly berated by jimmy, taunted even, for her perceived inability to do her job.

would be real easy to finally snap and take matters into her own hands, wouldn't it?

a suicide is seen as the most selfish action one could do.

in her iconic monologue, where anya defiantly claims that this is 'the best decision she'll ever make,' she is taking responsibility in her own way for her role in this whole fiasco; taking responsibility for the consequences of jimmy's actions and aborting the baby and by extent, eliminating the root of the problem. with no woman onboard, she cannot be used. she cannot be taken as a topic of controversy. she takes responsibility for her crime of biology, and therefore takes her own life.

anya, following finding out about her pregnancy, is defined by it through it being why jimmy crashes the ship. the consequence of her rape becomes the core of what she is; the root of the problems that led to the crash. though she tries to be more than it, through her work as a nurse and through how she keeps the crew together, what had happened to her consumes her, and is what she takes responsibility for by taking her own life in the end.

she tried her best in the conditions she was in. :(

anywayssss tl;dr, anyas death dialogue suggests that jimmy suggested to abort the baby because its a massive responsibility on his part and honestly he just doesnt want to face the consequences of his own selfish need for pleasure. thats why we have mouthwashing and thats why anya kills herself, out of both possibly guilt and the fact that she has had to live under the thumb of her rapist for this long.

anywaysss hope u enjoyed reading if you got this far, my askbox is open for discussion and criticism (though please be civil, i do these analyses for fun!) :P

[twisted-wonderland-shenanigans]

Hiatus Update

Hey everyone! I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season and is ready for the next year!

I'm really sorry that I keep falling into a hiatus status, but I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about some things.

No, this isn't an announcement of canceling my AUs or that I'm dropping Twisted Wonderland! I still love the series very much and I still have far too much in mind with the AUs to stop thinking about them so soon! I just wanted to get that out of the way since I realize my lack of content creation lately seems to have worried a few people, and I'd like to apologize to everyone for worrying you all.

That being said, that brings me to my next point, and...it's going to get serious. No TW, it's nothing like that! Just...me speaking my thoughts and realizations. TLDR at the end if you want to skip the ramble!

I've been writing for this blog for...gosh, I think about three years now? It feels less than that for me, but that's a lot of writing done over the years. So many AU ideas, so many asks, so much love for the AUs I've created that--honestly--I almost didn't even start this blog had it not been for some encouragement from a good friend. And I'm glad I did! These past few years have been some of the most creatively liberating times I've had before I ever discovered Twisted Wonderland (would you believe it was originally Leona that made me want to play it despite Malleus being the one that kept popping up in my feed to the point I had to try and figure out what his name was? XD).

Yet despite all that writing and hyper-fixating, I've come to realize and accept that I'm experiencing quite the huge burnout...and I have been for quite a while without realizing or accepting it.

It's not because of any particular wip fic or art that I've been slowing down. The burnout had been happening for a while and just boiled over, and I think as a result...I started doubting myself over time. Doubting that what I was writing was going to be good, or that I'd be able to fulfill everyone's requests or asks in a way that makes them happy or feel that I put as much effort into the writing as I do with others, feeling like I'd be letting people down if I don't make something as long or detailed as some of my other responses, or making promises of grand ideas and not being able to deliver on it. I didn't feel connected to my writing, that it wasn't meant for me to enjoy or feel like I could be part of.

To put it simply, I put far too much pressure on myself, and the lack of feedback or reactions beyond likes on some fics I spent a lot of time and effort on didn't exactly help my mind's relationship with my own writing. Because of that self-imposed pressure, I'd...forgotten what it was like to love my own writing, to enjoy the process for what it was and to feel like I can just write what I want and feel included in my own adventures. Writing consumed me to the point that most days...I'd only be able to stare at the blank screen or my notebooks, the words and scenes in my mind yet unable to string them together in tangible form and yet I felt terrible NOT sitting there trying to write.

It was a pretty vicious cycle I couldn't break until now.

Lately, I've been focusing more on self-care. Not just physical stuff like hygiene or cooking better home meals (though I am doing that), but I mean giving myself other things to enjoy on my self-care wheel.

This is what I mean by the self-care wheel (link to instagram post ). It puts it in a way that makes sense, and I hope it helps someone else as well! Here's a screenshot of the post for those who don't have Instagram.

I've been watching more anime and other shows on streaming services lately, I've been playing other games like World of Warcraft (which has become my current obsession!) among others, and just...essentially breaking up the routine I had where I did nothing but writing, so I could take a break. And honestly? I've been able to write other things again. But this time for myself.

I feel like I'm able to enjoy the process again.

I love my writing again!

But I know better than to just assume that things are okay now and I can jump back into the blog so soon. I don't want to repeat what I had been doing when I thought my burnout was gone and just silently falling into hiatus again. Healing isn't a linear process no matter what it's for, and things won't get better if I don't start being kinder to myself.

So to bring a long story short:

I'm okay. I'll be okay, I just have to remind myself to enjoy more hobbies and interests in my life to make each day more fulfilling--more rounded. And when I come back to Twisted Wonderland, I'll go at my own pace and remember to write for myself too. I'd still love to chat and ramble about it or even about other fandoms or things to try! I've spent far too long building this blog to let it and the wonderful people who have followed and commented and even sent asks and fanart go away, and I want to connect in a way I feel I hadn't been able to in ages. ;;v;;

Remember to take care of yourselves, and find other things to fill your self-care wheel! It'll take time and effort, but I promise that things will start to feel better the more you realize you've got other things to make life worthwhile. 💝

TLDR: I'm okay! I'm just going to be on hiatus for a while longer and working more on self-care to remember to enjoy life as it should be enjoyed. Writing and concept art will resume at my own pace when I feel I'm able to consistently enjoy the process of writing for the fandom again. Would love to ramble and chat about other hobbies and interests and interact with the community though!

[grapejuice32]

Make it work: Part 2

Spencer Reid x reader

Part 1 here

Notes: a part 2 of reader meeting the team was requested by @aasmalfoy but I got a bit carried away so reader will meet the team in part 3 along with having a well needed talk with Spence! <3

Two months had passed since you told Spencer you were pregnant, and you had finally had a week long break in filming. You were barely showing yet and luckily your character on the show wore pretty baggy clothing, so you were able to get away with it for the time being. You were flying back to Washington and would finally be meeting Spencer's team and sharing the news with them. You weren't entirely sure that they were aware the person they would be meeting was Spencer's girlfriend considering, from what he told you, he only asked them to come to dinner with him and someone he'd like them to meet. But equally, you reminded yourself that they were a team of profilers so it didn't take a genius to figure out who he wanted them to meet. You shook your head and rubbed your eyes, you knew you were overthinking things, but you couldn't help it. What if they didn't like you? What if they weren't happy for Spencer? What if- you groaned and threw your head back against the seat, trying to knock the thoughts out of your head, to no avail.

After you landed and went through bag check, you walked out into arrivals, you'd allowed some part of you to hope that Spencer would be there to collect you, a disappointed sigh escaping you when you couldn't see him. A share pain shot through you as you bit the your lip too hard, blood slowly seeping from the cut you'd just made, you sniffed and blinked away the tears that had started to line your eyes.

"Are you okay?" A man's voice came, you turned to face the stranger and nodded, "Oh, uh, you're bleeding." His voice came a bit panicked, you watched as he rifled through his pockets and found a pack of tissues, he pulled out a clean one for you and you held it out to your lip until it stopped bleeding.

"Thanks," you whispered, too caught up in your own thoughts to notice the pictures that were being taken of you and the stranger.

He shrugged, "It's no problem, but seriously, are you okay? You look like you've been crying."

"Yeh, it's just um, I thought my boyfriend would be here to pick me up, I've not seen him for two months...but he's not," you weren't sure why you were telling the stranger all this but you couldn't help it, you felt so isolated, it's not like you could vent to anyone you worked with because Spencer had requested that you still kept your relationship a secret until he had told the team, with you being in the public eye and all, "and I mean, I know he's probably busy with work and all but I'm only here for a week and I just thought that maybe..."

He sighed and nodded, "I'm really sorry about that, if it helps, I was here to pick up my girlfriend and when I got here, she said that she wasn't coming anymore because she wanted to break up as she had found someone new where she lived."

"Oh my god," you laughed, "sorry, I don't mean to laugh but."

"No I-its okay, it's kind of funny," he laughed with you, "I'm Tom, by the way."

You introduced yourself and the two of you shook hands, Tom began to speak again, a smile on both your faces, "Hey look, if you need a friend in the city while your here, or just a friend in general..."

"Thank you," you grinned, "I may just have to take you up on that"

"You know, since your boyfriend isn't here to pick you up, um, did you want to like get lunch? There's a pretty good burger place on the ro-"

"I know exactly which one you mean, I love it there." You nodded, agreeing to his lunch invite.

The two of you had a pretty good time getting to know each other, it was really freeing to make a friend who you could actually confide in, sure you had your family etc but it wasn't the same. Tom had offered really great insight and had just sat and listened as you were finally able to talk about the past few months, a weight lifting off of your shoulders now that you were finally able to tell someone about everything that had been troubling you. Sure you could tell Spencer, but it wasn't the same, you needed someone to talk to who wasn't your boyfriend and now you finally had the, you had a friend. The both of you sat there talking for a couple of hours before you grew sick of the smell of the burger and decided to go to a park, you had swapped over and he was now wheeling your suitcase for you. You'd both been sat on a park bench when your phone started ringing, you picked it up, seeing that the caller ID read Spencer.

S: Hi, sweetheart, 'm so sorry I wasn't there to pick you up. Did you get home okay?

You: I, um, I'm not a home yet, I went to the park. S: Oh, okay well, be careful if you're there on your own. You: I'm not, on my own I mean, I'm with a friend.

S: Okay, well listen...I'm um, I'm not going to be home until tomorrow at the latest there's a c- You: There's a case, yeah, I gathered. S: Are you okay? You sound upset You:... S: Hello? Sweetheart? Are you still there? You: Mhm S: Are you okay?

You: Yeah, the job comes first, right? S: I mean, yes but it's, look if you want me to come back I- You: No, don't, the team needs you I'm sure. S: Angel, look 'm really sorry I'm not there, okay... You: You should probably get back to work

S: No I can- You: It's fine, the faster you get back to it the faster you can come home, right? S: I, no not exactl- You: Okay, well be safe, yeah? I'll message you when I'm home. S: Sweethe-

You hung up, tears filling your eyes again, you turned to Tom, "Am I being dramatic?"

He exhaled thoughtfully, "If he's making you feel like shit, then I don't think it's dramatic at all. Especially if stuff like this is a regular occurrence."

You bit the inside of your cheek, "I guess, but when we first got together, he made it clear that the job came first, you know? I knew what I was getting myself into, but it-its really hard, and I-I just feel so isolated." Your voice broke as the tears began to slowly roll down your cheeks.

Tom placed a hand on your shoulder, comfortingly rubbing his hand up and down your arm, "Maybe that's the case, but either way, you're the mother of his child...you should be first, not the job, even if he told you when you first got together that the job came first, its sort of cruel...he didn't even tell you that he wouldn't be able to pick you up."

You shrugged, but you knew he was right, "I guess."

"I think you should talk to him about it, you have a baby on the way, it can't go without being addressed."

You just nodded in agreement. That night you didn't make it home till about 6pm, having spent the rest of the day in the park before it had started to go dark and get a bit cold with the sun setting. Similar to two months ago when you came to see Spencer, you ordered takeout and rewatched Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, the pregnancy hormones causing you to react more severely to how you usually did, despite having watched the film countless times.

You hadn't heard from Spencer since he liked the message you sent about you being home safe so you decided to just call it a night, worn out by the crying you had done at the end of Revenge of the Sith. The next morning, you woke up, groaning when you checked the time only to see it was already midday. There was still no word from Spencer and you became slightly worried that something had happened, you knew that he was probably okay, but there would also always be the possibility of him getting in trouble considering what his job was. You weren't able to find much motivation to do much of anything today, so instead you lay in bed pretty much all day, eating leftover takeout and reading one of the many books strewn about the room. By the time it hit 10:30, you found yourself already exhausted, despite doing nothing at all with your day, you'd still heard nothing from Spencer and had therefore barley been on your phone al day apart from messaging back and forth with Tom when texted to check in on you.

Not willing to fight see any longer, you turned off the bedside lamps you'd had on and wrapped the sheets around you, finding yourself more on Spencer's side of the bed than your own. A few hours into you being asleep, you faintly heard the sound of the front door opening but it didn't manage to wake you, too consumed in your deep sleep. It was only when you felt the bed dip and an arm slide around you that you slightly opened your eyes in a squint, you could faintly make out the figure in front of you, but still mumbled groggily, "Spencer?"

" 'S okay, go back to sleep, sweetheart," he whispered, his voice instantly bringing you comfort, "we'll talk in the morning, okay?"

You nodded and buried your face in the crook of his neck, mumbling a sleepy, "love you."

You were just able to catch him whispering, "I love you, angel." into your hairline after pressing a kiss to your temple before you fell back into a deep and peaceful sleep, knowing now that Spencer was safe and with you.

Please lmk what you guys think, I'd love to hear from you! I'll also be happy to try and write any requests you may have <3

[nana-luvy]

. 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐃𝐫𝐮𝐧𝐤

warnings: fem!reader, no established relationship, suggestive content (may i say, heavy makeout), a little foul language

In which he never wants to get used to it.

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗

You know this feeling ? The feeling you get sometimes, the feeling that you never want the current moment to end ? Like you’d just want it replayed, over and over, nobody interrupting, nothing breaking the atmosphere, just a loop of this moment you crave to feel forever on end.

This was the moment.

“Hey, where are we going exactly ?”

His voice alone was warming your chest, the little laugh accompanying it making your heart leap in your body. Or maybe it was the alcohol in your system ? You knew it wasn’t your best idea, but you also knew you were still more conscious than not, and it was probably the only time you’d ever feel brave enough to do it.

“Don’t worry, it’s not too far away ~”

You two were almost running, you ahead as you lead him somewhere away from the campfire. The older campers had gathered on the beach for a late hangout, bonfire lighting up the dark night as everyone chatted away, passing bottles around for everyone to enjoy. And enjoying them you did. But it was the liquid courage you needed when Luke had been there all night, sitting next to you, talking to you, eyes looking straight into yours as his voice was all you could hear. Few innocent touches of your fingers over the warm sand in the warm summer night, digits brushing a strand of hair out of your face, having to mentally prevent yourself from leaning into his hand. But this look he gave you… it made something snap in place, and you asked him to follow you, and he wouldn’t have said ‘no’ in a million universes, taking the hand you were offering.

After just a couple minutes, you finally reached a small cabin, not too far into the woods.

“What’s this place ? I’ve never seen it before.” Luke asked, looking around and realizing he had already been on this part of the forest but had never seen the little hut.

“Well, I just like keeping this place to myself so I just… make sure nobody can see it if I'm not around ~” you simply answered, rubbing the fingers on your free hand and creating a small spark of magic, before sending a wink his way. “But I wanted to show it to you, I'm quite proud of my decorating.”

Luke couldn’t resist the smile on your lips, practically melting as you cupped his hand with both of yours now, pulling him inside and he opposed no resistance.

On the other side of the door were wooden walls and a wooden flooring, fluffy white carpets covering it, and fairy lights suspended across the ceiling to give that eerie atmosphere. There was a long, beige loveseat in a corner of the single room, inviting and cosy, a bigger couch of a more pink tone on the side, and the walls were stripped of any decoration other than a couple windows. It was just so…

“So cozy…”

“Well, I'm glad you like it, I've barely shown this place to anyone, I mostly use it for alone time… but it’s pretty cool, yeah..”

Still holding Luke’s hand, you tripped over your own feet, still feeling your head buzzing from the alcohol, landing on the nearby loveseat. Trying to compose yourself back while the boy in front of you stifled a small laugh, you patted the empty seat next to you, and he immediately took it, your hands untangling as you both longed for that feeling back.

“So… you brought me here to… show me how you decorated ?” He inquired, slightly cocking an eyebrow questioningly as he got more comfortable on the soft furniture, bending one leg to rest it closer to him on the beige fabric.

“Can I kiss you, Luke ?” He didn’t expect the bluntness, taken aback for a second, and the confusion in his eyes immediately made your tipsy self only want to talk and talk to fill the awkward silence. You stood up, trying to escape the weird tension between you two. “I mean, it’s probably because I'm drunk- I'm conscious of what I say, don't worry, it’s not like an assault or anyth- oh gods what am I even saying…? I just wanted to say, you don’t have to feel obl-”

Luke stood up right in front of you while you spoke, planting his two hands on the sides of your face gently before pulling his own head down towards yours, his lips melting over your own instantly like it was made to fit like two puzzle pieces.

You relaxed immediately, the hands that were previously flying in all direction as you poorly tried to explain yourself falling at your sides before they crawled upwards, hovering over his toned arms and crossing behind his neck for leverage, pulling him lower. In response, Luke’s fingers came to tickle the sliver of skin exposed by your short top, on your lower back, clasping your waist to keep you from falling as he bent over you and forced your backwards arch. It didn’t feel animalistic, even through the clash of teeth and the spit smudged over your lips in just a few instants together only, but instead full of this ungovernable need you both felt, wanting the other closer, deeper.

You both refused to pull away, heavy breaths hitting the other’s cheek with every exhale, your eyes closed shut tightly as you tried to take in everything you two could feel in the moment, inking it in your memory. Your hands went up the boy’s curls, fingers threading in his darks locks, nails scratching his scalp as you pulled him even tighter in your embrace when his own hands ventured around your body, digits pressing against any displayed skin, roaming your arms and barely waiting for any kind of permission —found in a low moan— before dipping under your top to feel the smooth skin of your back, tracing a gentle path up your spine. This simple sensation was soft and delicious, your head dipping back and your mouth falling agape from the feather-light touch that trailed fire along your skin, and Luke took the opportunity to leave your lips and drag his lower, following the line of your jaw, tracing a path down your neck and coming back up to leave a lingering kiss right below your ear. Your fingers ran through his hair mindlessly, or from his view maddeningly, ruining the defined pattern to leave a mess of disheveled curls that just made him look that much hotter in the end. As his lips attached themselves behind your ear in a wet kiss that echoed through your mind, you tugged lightly in an attempt to keep yourself grounded, making him groan against your skin, a sound that sent your head spiraling down a never-ending slope of lust.

Standing a little straighter, you backed him up into the nearest wall, avoiding any piece of furniture in the way before resting one hand on his chest, feeling the taught muscles under your palm, as the other grabbed his chin to make him look down at you.

“Are you usually this bold?” Luke asked, panting as he tried to even his breathing when you finally took a short break, his chest heaving with each breath.

You shook your head, looking up at him with a little smirk dancing on your face. “I wish I was always like this, I would’ve kissed you way earlier. Why, y’like it ?”

“Damnit,” he groaned, swiping his hand over his face, “you’re so fucking hot.” He dipped his head to join your lips again, but you quickly pushed him back against the wall with your hand on his chin after barely a peck. Your smile broadened before you went on your tip-toes, leaving a kiss right at the corner of his lips, trailing along his cheekbone and letting your tongue wander the length of his scar while he exhaled heavily, eyes closed shut as he became almost putty at the surface of your touch. He could barely think past the sensation of your lips, his mind spinning, body practically arching into your touch.

“You’re not fair…”

“Then learn to enjoy the chase, because I don’t wanna play fair, right now,” you replied softly, eyes looking up at his pained expression with a smile in your gaze. “Can I?”

As the whisper reached his ears, Luke felt dainty finger playing with the first button of his short-sleeved shirt, twisting it around in anticipation, and his face got impossibly more flushed. “Whatever you want-” he replied with a heavy sigh, all possible tension in his body relaxing as he felt your lips pressing against the thin skin of his neck. He laid back on the wall completely, trapped within your grasp as your lips latched onto the skin of his torso, tracing the path right in the middle as you tugged off one by one each button of his shirt. “Shit… You're gonna make me loose it…”

“Good,” was all you murmured before letting your fingers nimbly undo the last few buttons, nose nudging his face so he’d face back down and kiss you. His lips were like honey and you were a bear, hungrily taking them in, tugging them between your teeth gently, wanting selfishly to keep them to yourself forever, and Luke was only mirroring your energy. His hands had found purchase at the nape of your neck, playing with stray hair and keeping your head angled without putting too much tension in your neck, giving him the perfect way down to match your hunger, eating at your lips like a starved man. Teeth were still clashing, tongues sweeping past lips to explore mouths and bringing the other in a maddening dance for the lead, while words consisted more in low whines and groaned moans than actual intelligible thoughts.

“How come- mmph- we never did this?”

The air was electric around the both of you, bolts of energy shooting in your body each time his fingers tugged your head a little further back, urging you for more. “I don’t know..” you sighed against Luke's lips, refusing to pull away, and he was the first to do as his lips reattached to your skin, grazing over your jaw in the most teasing tickle. “I didn’t think it’d ever work ou- oh dear gods, never stop that…”

Through the moan that left your lips as Luke finally —after minutes of holding himself back— suckled a purple bruise right under your jaw, the boy could only feel the surprise from your words and the flush adorning his face from the praise, feeling his body heating up. “Why would you of all people think that ?” he whispered against your skin, the vibration deliciously ringing up to your ears.

Your heart was hammering in your chest, your fingers finally leaving his clothed sides to run slowly down his heated skin, the feeling almost emboldening as your head filled with all the possibilities. “You’re just you, and I can’t talk to you unless I’m… well, like this-”

“Like this ?” he asked, a little quip accompanied by a smile you could feel tugging at his lips against your collarbone.

“Tipsy, Luke, I can’t fucking talk to you without this cheap ass vodka in my system, of course it didn’t happen earlier…” you sighed, pleased hums tumbling past your lips with each wet kiss he placed along your neck. Still, your hands didn’t shy away, tracing the outline of every muscle adorning his front, his chiseled chest, the dips and ridges of his abdomen, the low-waist of his cargo pants allowing you to gently trace the v-line adorning his hips, nails scratching against the skin until reaching the hem of his bottoms.

“Wow wow wait- slow down, pretty…” he immediately reacted, voice vibrating against your skin as he didn’t remove his face from the crook of your neck. His hands left your hips to entangle his fingers with yours, bringing them away from him and rather leaving them around his neck, arms resting loosely on his shoulders while he held your hands behind his head. “Let’s not-” he stopped for a second, gulping down hard, and you could feel his panting breath on your skin. “Let’s not… go there, yeah ?”

Whatever confusion might’ve been written on your face, it was quickly wiped right off as he tugged you closer by the arms, hands still in his, his face going back up to yours and crashing your mouths together. He didn’t let you go, didn’t let you move away, instead trying to get every parcel of your skin stuck to his: his hands left yours to fall around his neck, only to circle your waist back in a split second; his head was dipping to make you arch back in his touch, making sure his front was pressed against yours and his hands held you back; his tongue was persistent, pushing past your lips and tangling with yours any chance he got, letting you drink in low moans whenever your hands tugged at his curls while he walked you backwards.

It wasn’t long before he turned you both around, his hands on your waist and behind you thigh you tug you back on him as his knees hit a couch and he sat back on it. “You know, I could get used to this,” he murmured on your lips, refusing to pull away too far, and a shiver ran up your back while his hands idly traced meaningless patterns on your exposed skin.

“Don't, I wanna feel that feeling of new everytime.”

First request aaaaaaaah (im actually tweaking, anon i love you.)

I'm not really used to writing this kind of fic, i'm more into writing fluffy fluff, i guess, so i hope it's good <3

Tell me yourthoughts if you got any, recommendations and critics greatly appreciated ~

Love, Nana ♡

[redfoxwritesstuff]

First off, as the year comes to a close, I want to say a few words of thanks. You see, I came back to fanom this year, not knowing my place or if I could find a place for me again.

Instead, one thing lead to another and I found a new fandom. One that, for all of it's toxic reputation- one very well earned thanks to a vocal subset within the fandom- has been ever so welcoming to me.

It has been that welcoming nature that has driven me to write over half a million words in the last twelve months. It is the eager interaction with artists and writers that the Hazbin Hotel fandom carries at its very core that makes it so much more than the negative reputation it has amassed.

It is the passion and drive of the fandom that has encouraged and rewarded me to write things I'm uncomfortable with, to write things I don't personally like or understand. It has driven me to challenge myself and broaden my writing horizons.

With that, I will be taking a short break. Just a few days where I'll be prioritizing myself, rotting on the couch, watching tv and resting. While I have enjoyed the countless challenges that Kinktomber and Smutmas provided me with but the reality is writing what amounts to a fic every other day while running a long series and having people waiting on another long series- it isn't sustainable.

So I'm going to take a few days, rest and I will be back with healthier writing habits. Just in time to drop the New Year's Kisses

While I have nothing but love for the Hazbin Hotel Fandom, there is something I would like to address. Below is a fraction of the asks I have gotten this last week. I get these types of messages a few times or so a week, nearly every week.

Why am I showing you this?

You see, I've said often for the last year that I get hate. It's a terrible side of the Hazbin community and while I suspect I know who sent at least one of these messages, and others that I have not shared. Some of it is, I believe, targeted harassment from people I once counted as friends or in the case of others, was on a friendly basis with.

That being said, in sharing these, I am breaking my own rule. You see, as a personal rule, I do not respond directly to anon hate. I do not discuss it in detail, I rarely even share it in screenshots with my friends.

There's a reason why I have this rule. You see, in sharing of anon hate, you give it life. You fan the flames. Your friends and your readers are called to defend you. It creates a storm of attention for the senders who observe from the sidelines.

The reality is- we as a fandom decide what is acceptable within it. We do not have to accept this toxic behavior. We do not have to share it. We do not have to give it life.

An abuser thrives off the power they have over you. They thrive off your reactions. They thrive of your pain. They thrive off knowing they can control the fandom, who is posting in it and what.

Personally- I do not give them that power in my space. Honestly, I recommend you don't either.

Their words mean nothing. Their hate? Worthless. At the end of the day, they're trying to crush you because they see something in you that they wish they had.

I see writers and artists leaving this fandom left and right in response to hate so here I am, airing my own dirty laundry to show that these disgusting little mites within the fandom- they're coming after more than just you. They're coming after more than just the ones sharing the hate.

If you're getting messages like these, reach out to your friends and fellow creators within your network. Lean on each other. You don't have to give it air and you also don't have to suffer in silence.

I am blessed to not have to suffer in silence. I've got @redvexillum and @nyx-umbrakinesis and many others who stand beside me, who stop me from feeling like I'm drowning in hate and burning this whole thing down. Because of their support, I don't need to respond to the hate directly.

But for you- my fellow writers and artists, I'm sharing it this one time as a reminder that you are not alone.

So may your new year's resolution be to stay, to continue creating and to continue being something they are jealous of.

May you shine bright in this upcoming year, Mama Kit

[goldninja91]

The Fate of Antinous

TW; Gore and allusions to SA

OK, so recently I've seen the final stream of Epic: The Ithaca Saga and absolutely loved it. The stories of Odysseus, Telemachus, and Penelope were all handled wonderfully and the songs were bangers, every single one. And the finale definitely ensured that my eyes weren't dry.

Just to be perfectly clear right now: I think that the Ithaca Saga is perfectly fine as it is. It's absolutely phenomenal, and Jorge's musical prowess is on full display here.

That said... I do think there's one thing that would have made the story a little better, at least for me personally. I'm kind of ashamed to say it, but I'm... somewhat disappointed with how quickly Antinous is dealt with. Don't get me wrong, I know that it's 100% in character for Odysseus to shoot him dead on the spot with the vile things he was saying, and it was utterly hilarious to see it happen, but I feel like his presence overall could have been just a little longer, and all the better for it.

Firstly, in the Wisdom Saga Antinous is built up as the pseudo-leader of the suitors, being their main voice and the one who takes Telemachus's challenge. He seems to speak for all of them, similar to how Eurylochus was the voice of the crew.

This role is reinforced in "Hold Them Down" with Antinous leading their rejection of the challenge and their own 'mutiny' of sorts. I mean, just look at this guy. He's plotting anarchy and he's having fun.

And especially near the end when describing what they plan to do with Penelope... I mean look at this guy, he is tweaking out

I mean, all the pieces were in place to have this guy be the leading antagonistic force throughout the saga, and it a way he kind of is. Still, I personally would have liked to see his character get just a sliver more in the spotlight.

Fortunately though, there's already a spot that fits him perfectly and doesn't affect the storytelling integrity of the saga at all. In fact, I think it only strengthens it!

So picture this with me, if you will. "Hold Them Down" proceeds as normal, even ending with Antinous getting shot with an arrow. However, instead of getting shot in the neck like the original he's instead hit in the shoulder or side, something that will shut him up long enough for Odysseus to begin his own boss music. While Odysseus makes his threats... no, promises to the suitors, Antinous scampers away like a coward for the time being.

Later on when the weapons are discovered, Antinous can slide perfectly into the role of Melanthius. They both have beef with Telemachus and threaten to break his bones, and both are leading a large group of suitors to generally make life worse for everyone.

When their efforts are threatened by Telemachus, it's a personal encounter for Antinous. He's already beaten this kid down once, and clearly his 'lesson' didn't stick. So perhaps it's time to reiterate his point. And this would be personal for Telemachus too, since he's going up against the main guy he's been beefing with. But it would also strengthen what makes Telemachus unique in this situation, as he'd be offering mercy to the man who had threatened to break all his bones and violate his own mother.

Of course, Antinous rejects this offer and orders the other men to attack Telemachus, not fighting himself as he still has an arrow wound to deal with.

Now, just imagine the collective dread of the fandom if it was Antinous holding Telemachus and threatening to break his hands (which is an odd recurring thing with Antinous, him wanting to break people's bones) in this image instead of Melanthius, whom we unfortunately know nothing about.

And imagine how satisfying it would have been when Odysseus finally finished the job...

Because as it turns out, Odysseus didn't kill Antinous on purpose, just to make an example out of him. He recognized him as their leader, and decided it would strike more fear into the rest of the suitors if he made it clear that absolutely no one and nowhere was safe in that castle.

I mean, just look at the dramatic shot composition, the lighting, everything. This scene is begging to have this be the death of a named character, a character familiar to us, for whom we've long been waiting to see perish in a rightfully gruesome manner...

Of course, I realize that I don't know the greater context of the Odyssey, so I don't know if this is now things went in the book. But here in Epic, I feel that this would have made for a slightly more streamlined storytelling experience.

Plus, these are just my thoughts. I'll reiterate again, I am perfectly fine with how Antinous is handled in the actual song. It's honestly hilarious to see him instantly get killed off while trying to rally the other suitors. I just think that this would have been a perfect payoff to all the setup around this particular villain. But what do y'all think?

[kitts-mechanix]

Thank you for taking the time to write that! I'm not familiar with any of the continuities outside of G1 and TFOne but I'll try to follow along.

So for TFP, I do know that Starscream went rogue because he hated the Autobots but also Megatron. And the fact that the first thing Megatron did after coming back from the dead was beat up Starscream....I say this about every continuity but it's obvious that Starscream is his favourite punching bag. I can see why Megs gets frustrated with him, but it does NOT excuse him abusing Starscream. Although, to be totally fair here, it's not just Starscream. Megatron abuses the hell out of everyone (at least from what I've seen in G1). I mean, he's yelled at Soundwave for being a fool because his plan got foiled, and Soundwave has NEVER talked back to Megatron and is his most loyal comrade who does things without question or comment.

I've always wondered if Starscream would have a hard time actually trying to be a leader/function by himself considering Megatron basically controls everything, hence why he gets upset over Megatron's demise later on. It's complicated and I'd need to actually sit and watch the series to get a better idea but abusive relationships 100% screw you up like that. And I think the reason Starscream resorts to violence is because it makes him feel powerful. Because he always feels powerless under Megatron and he hates that feeling.

"And if people can be happy for redemption arc Meg, there's no Primus damned reason why anyone should be against a Starscream redemption."

THIS! And honestly, I think Starscream actually has a much better chance at being redeemed than Megatron, because regardless of what anyone else might say, I still say Megatron was much more evil than Starscream. And I'm dying on that hill!

I know Megatron got a redemption arc in IDW when he became an Autobot, and while I'd need to find and read the comic for context, it just felt....weird? like they were trying to appease the Meg fans who wanted a redemption arc for him? Granted, I know that all boiled down to Megatron hating what he had become, but still....

I heard Armada Starscream was probably the most complex and fleshed out version of the character in any continuity. I haven't watched Armada, but I heard that he used to be Megatron's most loyal warrior, then got betrayed by him and left for dead, and only turned on Megatron because he caught him admitting it.

"There's a lot of star getting beat up for shit that isn't his fault but told it is, and people constantly manipulating and gaslighting him and he questions his whole ass life but then even after leaving after a particularly wack incident....he expresses how he came to realize that nothing he ever did was ever enough."

Oh my gosh....THIS is what I'm talking about. Armada Starscream was dished out narcissistic abuse because Megs saw him as a scapegoat. No wonder the poor baby has a fractured psyche. And while I totally acknowledge that Starscream had it much, MUCH worse than me, as someone who's been gaslit and blamed for everything under the sun, I just get this!

Earthspark I haven't seen and I've honestly heard really mixed things about it. Starscream saying to Megatron, "Nowhere is safe if it's with YOU" is one of the most brutally honest lines I've heard. I haven't watched it, but there is a video on YT that breaks down Earthspark Starscream and talks about the PTSD symptoms he displays in the series. I hate that they made Star a villain for no good reason and threw away his trauma lore ugh. Give my baby a redemption arc already or something! And not a "bam bam he's okay now" make him work for it!

See, I still think Megatron is the more evil one who's done worse things than Starscream. I may be biased as a Starscream fangirl, but from what I've seen, 99.9% of the time Megatron (or another Decepticon) started it, and at least 50% of that time it was done to push Starscream's buttons and make him angry. Oh my gosh, I was about to mention that...."oOh bUt StArScReAm TrIeD tO kILl MeGaTrOn!" And look, I don't condone murder obviously, but considering Megatron has tried to kill Starscream before.....I understand why he snapped, like in that G1 episode where he blasted Megatron and, thinking he was dead, declared himself the new leader. Which then lead to him being thrown out of the Decepticons and enter the Combaticons, whom he treated like dirt. I have always wondered why Starscream allowed himself to follow Megatron (I assumed it was for power) but him having some form of respect for Megs is interesting....oh boy I need to do some deep diving on this.

But yes! Megatron's abuse likely created the part in Star that makes him lash out. And like I said I imagine he was always hot tempered (like Starscream, I get angry/irritated easily and I lash out. I'm not proud of it) but what Megatron did to him drove him over the edge. This behaviour was modelled to him, not just by Megs but by the other Decepticons. Also, they are in a war. Kill or be killed. Sympathy is dangerous and makes you weak. This is what's drilled into their brainboxes. And I imagine Starscream probably doesn't know/doesn't get the chance to let out his anger in a non-violent way.

"Star has done questionable things, and can be a jerk, but that doesn't mean it's his fault he endured what he did. It's only his fault for his /own/ actions of hurting someone else as a result. And that doesn't exempt someone from being able to become better and deserve better."

This! 👏He deserves another chance, he deserves happiness and a redemption. And if I have to write that for him myself, I'll damn well do it!

But really as someone who's dealt with some abuse like that, I just want to hug him and let him know he's loved 💔

I just had a huge realisation yesterday and I wanted to share this after going through some pretty horrible stuff over the weekend: Something I've always asked myself ever since getting into G1 Transformers was "why do you like Starscream so much even though he's a narcissistic bully? Why are you, someone who is a victim of narcissistic abuse, taking comfort in a narcissistic character?" Well, I think I finally figured it out. Because Starscream is also a victim of that very same abuse. I mean, he's beaten, called names, bullied, unappreciated, abused, and put through the wringer…and he internalised all that abuse because he knew no other way. He had no one to turn to, and the few bots who did support him, he treated like dirt. Once he had that freedom and power, he abused it and became the very thing that abused him. I have no doubt he was always self-centred, selfish, had a huge ego, etc. before all that but honestly? I think Megatron's abuse caused him to turn out the way he did. I could have turned out that way and it's a little scary, some of the parallels I'm drawing with him.

@ichbinmeltdown wrote a great analysis on Starscream that I want to share here:

"Megatron was abusive as hell to Starscream. He treated him horribly, and I legitimately almost cried a few times watching it. There's an episode called Starscream's Brigade that introduces the Combaticons, and I think that perfectly demonstrates the cycle of abuse. The entire world is against Starscream at pretty much every turn throughout the series, but none more so than Megatron. Every word out of his speech synthesizer to Starscream is to berate him, and he's constantly throwing him around, beating him, even ripping out his speech synthesizer in a scene from a previous episode (Hoist Goes Hollywood, IIRC). His own teammates don't like him, and even his brothers- Skywarp and Thundercracker, going off of the idea they're brothers- just... allow Megatron to abuse him. (Not to get into headcanons here, but I personally believe that Megatron's abuse fractured the Elite Trine's family dynamic. They are still brothers and love each other, but they're all too afraid of Megatron to really... stand up for each other as they did in the past.) And Starscream seemed to just snap in this episode. He treated the Combaticons poorly, and even when teaming up with Shockwave, he subjected him to a lot of the same ridicule and torment that Megatron put him through. He failed to realize Shockwave was the one of the only bots who would give him a chance- and unfortunately lashed out at him, which ruined his chances of Shockwave ever being a true friend and ally to him. Once Starscream had finally gotten a taste of power and not being under another bot's boot, he too became the very thing that he lived in fear of. And that really is how the cycle goes- when you're finally free from abuse, it can be tempting to overcompensate and take back all the power you were robbed of, at any cost whatsoever. Starscream, like D16 in Transformers One, snapped up this opportunity."

And the sad thing is, I've seen this in real life and I've internalised some of the abuse I've dealt with too. I'm not proud of it. Like the Seeker Trine, my own family dynamic has been fractured by similar abuse. I know there's traces of narcissism in my behaviour too, and I'm NOT proud of it. Maybe this is why I can forgive Starscream for being a narc, because I can see a little bit of my own personality/attitude/behaviour in him. Maybe it's because I know where it came from, I get why he acts that way and it's not just random and out of the blue. Maybe it's because--and I know this is a bold statement--I don't think he would do some of the stuff my own family did to me (blah blah blah he's a fictional character).

I didn't mean for this to turn into a long rant, so

TLDR: I finally figured out that part of the reason I love and relate to Starscream so much despite him internalising some of the abuse I went through, is because he was the victim of that same abuse.

[which-qsmp-egg-would]

I am officially taking another break!

Of course, this doesn't mean I'm going to dissappear for several months. It just means there won't be any polls for a little while! Who knew, running a gimmick blog while working and dealing with personal problems would be so taxing?

I'm thinking that this break will either last the month, or the rest of the year. it depends on how I'm feeling.

I'm really excited to relax and just work on OC stuff for a while!

I hope everyone has a great day :DDDD

[fictionadventurer]

There's something about reading really great writing that's so relaxing. You can just sit back and let the words wash over you, knowing that you can trust the writer.

[yasmeensh]

Story update

I got to write a good chunk of the opening these past two days. Excited to get more work done over March break. And I can't wait to get to writing more about my daughter T-T But she comes in a bit later in the story. Still in the first act, though.

Some more character design doodles:

[naffeclipse]

I really need to revamp my aliens au because I stole so many concepts from that AU and shoved them into CS as I had written the initial Aliens post a bit before CS was created. Now I want to make it fresh but still creature-feature with the boys—just Alien Edition™

Just to list off a few things I originally envisioned for this AU:

Sun and Moon can hear heartbeats. Specifically hear, unlike the cryptid boys who have a whole sense for it, but nonetheless, the whole heart awareness started here. I'm thinking of maybe changing this to Alien!Sun/Moon picking up on Y/N's breathing or scrapping it entirely.

Y/N is enthusiastic and wants to study the boys. I think Scientist Y/N can bypass the whole fear thing pretty easily and go straight to nerding out, whereas CS!Y/N is very much in denial about their excitement, and rationalizes it as 'for the hunt'. I think I can make it interesting via scientist Y/N for the Aliens AU even if it's still a concept of 'wants to learn about an intriguing subject that now involves the boys'. Just different flavors.

Sun/Moon eating very unpleasant things. Of course, cryptid boys eat hearts, but the alien boys are just hungry for any kind of meat, and hey, with a desolate and dark ship filled with recently slaughtered humans, it's kind of an all-you-can-eat buffet.

That's the summary of concept similarities, but I do want to focus on the difference, such as, of course:

there being two alien creatures.

how different everything will function in a setting within space/spaceship.

a language barrier between scientist Y/N, and Sun and Moon.

a focus on Y/N's physical trauma with their blown-off arm. They're going to want to make the journey through the desolate spaceship to retrieve said arm that has been preserved and then need to get to the medical bay (think protective cylinder) to hopefully have the ship's installed medical AI and tools perform surgery to reattach it, which is a big risk when there's something else roaming the gray halls that even intimidating and powerful aliens Sun and Moon would rather Y/N doesn't encounter.

Sun and Moon also have their own designs and special abilities relating to their celestial themes as well as indulging in freaky monster details, like Moon's 'nightcap'. It is extremely long and acts as a sensitive feeler for things in the air and is somewhat prehensile. Sun's sun rays have more purpose than just being pointy and armor-plate-like, as well as having those same plates on his spine, and he almost seems to be on the brink of being too hot, sometimes radiating heatwaves like an oven.

their alien design is a mix of translucent, starry, and colored flesh, almost like jelly but smooth and slightly cool and moist to the touch, coating the bones of Fazco brand endoskeletons.

their legs are digitigrade.

their mouths are wide and look like they're smiling all the time, but their mouths can get bigger and open even wider, especially when they're eating/attacking—it's as if their entire face is going to split in half but nope, that's just to let out their other teeth.

That's all I have for now. I want to think about it some more.