#took about 5 diff gameplay watchthroughs to get comfortable with the game

[quixtrix]

shirking responsibility - a mouthwashing mini analysis

cws; abortion, suicide, sexual assault discussion yknow i dont think i've seen people talk about this, and if there are, i haven't seen it yet, but anya's dialogue in her death scene possibly suggests that jimmy may have suggested to abort the baby.

these lines, put right next to each other, never really struck me as odd until i thought about the first line in the context of anya taking her own life. if they were directed towards jimmy as in jimmy being the one to encourage it, then why would jimmy, even though he constantly berates anya for more or less being a 'useless' nurse, tell their only nurse to kill herself? hes never malicious enough to outright say that or directly encourage that for one, he just sees her as both her role as a nurse and a woman first.

and as a woman, her natural purpose, in his eyes, would be to serve and satisfy the man. its one of the many reasons why he rapes her, and possibly continued to do so, enough to where she becomes pregnant.

we know from the dead pixel scene and the pregnancy reveal scene that it brings her distress, with both scenes being 2 days and 1 day before the crash respectively. the crash may have been spurred on by the fact that curly told jimmy about the pregnancy, but there is a possibility that anya had told jimmy before, as she knew she was pregnant already. the fact that curly found out about jimmy using anya as he had through the pregnancy reveal means that jimmy would have to take responsibility for his actions in full, not only through possible fatherhood, but for his crime.

anya telling jimmy about the pregnancy is a possibility if only because she can't tell anyone else. no one else knew about her being raped before she tells them herself, (ex. dead pixel scene, in the foamed up cockpit with swansea), so she couldn't exactly break the news to anyone else but jimmy. to jimmy, to have the baby would mean that there is physical evidence of his crime, physical consequence as he would have to take responsibility.

kids, regardless of conception, are a big responsibility. a hindrance, especially in the workplace, as one would have to take time off and shift their focus from their work just for the kid. for someone who wants to progress, for someone like jimmy, this isn't something that he wanted out of what was easy relief. the easiest option is to get rid of the baby, to get rid of the massive consequence for his actions he would have to take responsibility for.

now lets take a look at another bit of dialogue that also caught my attention.

while this does apply to her taking her own life, it can have a double meaning when we bring the baby into the context. when accidental, women are often blamed for getting pregnant in general. family members blame the woman, bystanders blame the woman, a partner who doesn't want a baby blame the woman. all for a biological function that the woman cannot control. this is especially the case with unwanted pregnancy when the partner not holding the baby holds some sort of power over the woman. whether it be through work power dynamics, through financial power, or through the popularity of the partner, it can be seen as 'baby-trapping;' keeping the partner in the relationship through the responsibility of a baby.

for someone as paranoid as jimmy, who eventually spirals into believing that everyone is against him, this may very well be the case in his eyes.

to jimmy, anya is a woman before anything else. she is a woman in the sense that she is there for the purpose of servitude, and her position as nurse does not help. she is a damn good nurse, however her perceived incompetence by jimmy overshadows this fact. to her, she is a tool for relief, for his own comfort, seeing as none of the other men have 'claimed' her as their own. so as both a woman, and a nurse, both of which are traditionally perceived as below a 'man' and a co-pilot, jimmy would see it fit that he would have the right to impose his will on her. whenever he takes responsibility as self-appointed captain, he does it because the captain has to take care of the crew. but as co-pilot, he is in a sweet spot, where he is comfortably above the rest, but not responsible for their wellbeing; just his own.

to have his crimes known, to have a baby, this is all placing responsibility on jimmy he doesnt want. which is why hes the man he is in game. he only wants the good, he wants the pleasure, not the disgusting consequences of it.

on anyas side, theres also the guilt of it all. pregnancy is a huge responsibility, much less one conceived by rape. she knows how selfish it is to take her own life, as the nurse of the ship, yes, but circling back to the fact that the woman is blamed for becoming pregnant, we know that it also applies in mouthwashing, because of what curly says when anya reveals she is pregnant to him.

"Who would you-"

the very implication of a choice, a choice that anya did not have in the actions that caused her pregnancy, shifts the blame from jimmy, to her. its a very deliberate word choice that makes it known that despite whatever curly decides to do in the light of this situation, it's anya's fault. anya was the one that decided to carry this pregnancy. it's not seen as her burden, it's seen as her choice because she is pregnant.

in a ship such as the tulpar, there is not much one could do in terms of abortion. the best route endangers both mother and fetus, which is why one could understand how anya wouldn't abort the rape baby when she is significantly more stable than she is in her death scene. before then, the crash wasn't even thought as a thing that would happen. sure, they're out of a job once the freight cruiser comes back to earth, but no one would expect such a huge consequence to come out of coming forward with her story like that.

so by keeping the baby, possibly out of her own survival, and indirectly causing the crash, anya possibly feels more guilt than one reasonably should.

i say indirectly causing the crash because in the end, it's jimmy who didn't want to own up and take responsibility for his own actions. and while anya and the rest of the crew aren't aware of the whole story, it wouldn't be hard to piece together what possibly could be the reason for it if it came literally a day after one tells the captain about her own pregnancy, right?

think of the guilt that anya may have felt. no, she is not directly responsible, but guilt doesn't work that way, especially not with rape. in a ship where her rapist is the boss and the man she went to for help defended him instead, leading to where they are now, it's not easy to not let it get to one's head. plus, she's constantly berated by jimmy, taunted even, for her perceived inability to do her job.

would be real easy to finally snap and take matters into her own hands, wouldn't it?

a suicide is seen as the most selfish action one could do.

in her iconic monologue, where anya defiantly claims that this is 'the best decision she'll ever make,' she is taking responsibility in her own way for her role in this whole fiasco; taking responsibility for the consequences of jimmy's actions and aborting the baby and by extent, eliminating the root of the problem. with no woman onboard, she cannot be used. she cannot be taken as a topic of controversy. she takes responsibility for her crime of biology, and therefore takes her own life.

anya, following finding out about her pregnancy, is defined by it through it being why jimmy crashes the ship. the consequence of her rape becomes the core of what she is; the root of the problems that led to the crash. though she tries to be more than it, through her work as a nurse and through how she keeps the crew together, what had happened to her consumes her, and is what she takes responsibility for by taking her own life in the end.

she tried her best in the conditions she was in. :(

anywayssss tl;dr, anyas death dialogue suggests that jimmy suggested to abort the baby because its a massive responsibility on his part and honestly he just doesnt want to face the consequences of his own selfish need for pleasure. thats why we have mouthwashing and thats why anya kills herself, out of both possibly guilt and the fact that she has had to live under the thumb of her rapist for this long.

anywaysss hope u enjoyed reading if you got this far, my askbox is open for discussion and criticism (though please be civil, i do these analyses for fun!) :P