#I've been inspired to do it because i think id like to share the full timeline at some point with you guys

[creaturefeaster]

the panic this document enduces in me when look at how much i need to edit is unreal...

[cconfusedkat]

(shaking hands, functioning on three iced coffees, not beta read we just die) (LIL BRO TREATING THIS LIKE AO3Anyways yeah i did not read anything i typed here a second time so my wording might Suck Major Kuss)

Hey chat! sorry my holiday depression unfortunately kicked in, i had a ,, relatively decent Eid (cuz i dont celebrate christmas) ...? so i hope everyone had a relatively better holiday than i did… 💦

My friends often tell me i look like my art and i kinda see it. Hooray! Meeting the artist! Except i took matters into my own hands of making my own collage because I Do Not Have Enough Storage Space For Any Other Editing App

Additional shitpost ❤️ the art I've been most proud of are not actually in here, really! I'm mainly proud of the fanart i made for the few smiling critters AU's aaaall the way back feb-march but. I guess the stuff i liked the most i did this year was probably for the one who wilts? Im trying to think of stuff earlier than that. I noticed i definitely had an improvement in art, and i learned i do have a preference of drawing certain ways now too lmao- the fun of art! I hope to improve more in 2025 :-)

Herm,, all jokes aside, im glad people like my art...?? I am not a very Secure artist myself (already taking me five minutes to type that out and consider myself as an artist) so im SHOCKED when people Actually like my things. My doodles. The sometimes rare occasion of real art i put out there. Like! Wow! Thats crazy

Id have to say the same for youtube- im currently at 456 subscribers 🥺❤️ that is huge to me,, i wouldnt have expected me posting for the first time in years on youtube would result to me getting this many subscribers? ? .???

Im very, VERY thankful for the people ive met this year through fandom and generally. Unfortunately—for the past few months—Ive hit a really low stump in my mental health that limits me from talking to people without getting super drained, even on social media i kinda struggle with being active again. I am thankful for the people that continue to stick around and know im the way that i am,, one day ill be mentally stronger and everyone is gonna see my growth as soon as i can ,, Actually leave my own home and hopefully start a new. I didnt really consider that until one of my friends shared its experiences with me and i GENUINELY realized i can run away and get better one day,, there is a light at the end of the tunnel,, there IS,, but not now. Not today. Not in a few months. Itll take me years to heal but 2025 and ongoing years as i get more freedom to do so,,

UHHHH UHHH. ASIDE FROM CHEESY RANTING OF HAVING HOPES FOR THE FUTURE, YAPYAPYAP- i got a drawing tablet (again another thing my friend inspired me for- technically two major things in a row it inspired me for- hope in the future and drawing BWAHAHA-) and uhhh. HmMMOOHHH YEAH I REUNITED MY MEOWMEOWS! HOORA🎊🎊🎊🎊

my 2025 goals are not just improvement in art,, but in hopes of getting a full time job (since my last full time UMM. did NOT work out well! How am i gonna learn to pay my taxes on my own dawg,) and trying to get a place of my own since i missed out on that two years ago (or one? One year ago? I DUNNO..!!!!) , therapy and trying to heal better compared to my terrible stumps of 2022-2024,, i dunno what else but. Maybe working on my social skills at some point 🗿🗿 a far fetched goal is moving out of state completely and also going on testosterone but that is farrrr from now </33

Thank you lot for following and keeping up with my goofiness i gen did not think an animanga nerd with a passion of indie and mascot horror games could reach 510 followers within one year HELPPP thats crazy

On less serious goals though i hope on watching more animes than reading manga in 2025 BWAHAHAGAHSAJD i read manga more and anime is Extremely Rare for me to watch but both jjk and Beastars have all ive been watching as of recent lol- trust i will be such a geek (girl Please that is NAWT something to look forward to) (YES IT IS. HAVE YOU NO WHIMSY?)

[steelycunt]

hi ridi! I hope you've been having a fantastic time in Dublin and that the rest of the year treats you lovingly. <3

i want to tell u officially how much I adore your writing! the way you string bundles of words into something so so so precious, and the way they flow so seamlessly into something that just clicks right in my brain-- I am actually so jealous of your writing! they are just sooooo lovely to be read... <3 anyway I've been curious about your writing journey! i am assuming you are younger than me since you are doing your last year of your degree (gooooood luck for your dissertation! I'm doing my master degree diss atm so watching ur journey has been such a dear companion to me) but your brilliant writing is just so inspiring to me... if you have the time would you be able to share a few tips on writing? xx

ahh hi this is so lovely of you thank you!! youre too sweet and it always makes me beyond happy to hear people enjoy my writing : ^ )) as for tips i do feel a bit unqualified to give out advice on writing as someone who only does this for fun + hasnt received any teaching/criticisms from actual writers + also has no intention of writing creatively in any capacity beyond this but there are a few things i find help me to write stuff that i myself enjoy...firstly i can link an ask i answered a while ago about writing dialogue or at least how i approach writing dialogue and also an ask about my personal writing style and whats important to me when im writing and this one about editing/writing a second draft..and this one about general writing tips which i answered a few years ago...in general though now i think the most important things to my writing are as follows : ^ )

really generic but so real just reading is the biggest thing for developing writing to me second only maybe to the act of writing itself and even then id say its pretty close...other people and especially published authors will word things and use phrases and employ descriptions in ways i would never ever have thought of and reading other peoples writing can introduce you to ways and styles of using language which wouldnt have occured to you otherwise!! its wonderful!! and reading something you really love can just remind you of what you can do with writing and i find that really helpful even just as motivation : ^ )

this is a personal style choice i suppose but i hateeee white room syndrome i HATE to read something where the settings and physical details arent fleshed out...or conversely i loveee that element of writing so its a really important bit for me!! fleshing out the environment like what does the room look like can you hear the bin men on the street outside are there magnets on the fridge is there washing up in the sink what mug are they drinking from do they own a novelty t shirt from a holiday two years ago. there is so much fun but also so much character building and atmosphere creation and period setting 2 be had in little details like that!! idk i just love to read it so i think everyone should do it and its just so much FUN like yes design their old-fashioned galley kitchen and fill it full of clutter!! so much more immersive than a scene which ends up taking place in a blank white room in my head because the setting is underdescribed.

in terms of editing my method is really laborious and probably inefficient but i do it for creative writing + uni essays and i cant imagine doing it any other way now..when i finish a draft i open a blank doc and put them beside each other and rewrite the scene in the blank doc...a lot of sentences youll write out exactly as they are but i find it comes much easier to make changes and think of ways to restructure sentences when youre typing them out from scratch rather than staring at an already written passage trying to improve it. its painful but it works!!

avoid moral purification and tumblr discourse speak and therapy speak at all costs!! moral purification and tumblr discourse speak and therapy speak are the Writing killers i instantly have to stop reading things when every character talks like theyre completely up to date on the latest online discourse and unproblematic and have all been through years of therapy. ESPECIALLY in a piece meant to be set in like. the 1970s. its so boring when people cant let characters behave poorly without finding some way to absolve them of responsibility or have them be able to perfectly explain exactly which childhood traumas have driven certain responses or behaviours. they are going to have to be bad people who can have the right values but might express them in a way different to what the piccrew tumblr pfp on your dash is saying in 2024. it also just means they all sound the same the characters have no individual voices or outlooks its just really boring!! i dont know if its a product of people being scared of receiving flak for writing anything else but consider this me giving everyone writing this sort of stuff flak right now. booo. boring.

chronic overuser of similes and metaphors here but nearly everything is like something else even only in a vague wayand for me and what i enjoy the more unlikely the comparison the better. and for the stuff that isnt like something else well thats the crux of it also...links back 2 the point about details a bit but using all the senses and the physiology of the human body (it does soo many things and experiences so many sensations and feelings in so many different places in so many different situations there is so much to be mined!!) and literally anything at all especially in a big moment or when ur trying to describe big emotions some writers are talented enough to tackle them head on but i personally am often not and so i find it easiest to concentrate on the smallest details of big emotions...almost like a cheat but i like how it works!!

this is all really generic stuff and things i have probably said before but hopefully something here is of use and if i think of anything else ill add to it!! but i think just writing badly and reading good stuff does make you get better at it there arent any rules except perhaps not using phrases or metaphors which are commonly used...yah!! thats the gist of it i think!! : ^ )

[musicarenagh]

Joe Sneva Says The Hardest Goodbye Via 'Move Over' Imagine a heartbreak song that you can dance to! Songwriter and Singer Joe Sneava who hails from the Pacific Northwest, near Seattle, Washington in the United States is a real master of ceremony. Move Over is therapeutic, and divine, the disposition of the drums, guitar, and bass blends perfectly, leaving with little choice but to dance to it. The perfect synchronization of the lyrics and instrumentations allows his new song “Move Over” to travel down to the depth of your heart. the song is an homage of sorts to Springsteen's "Hungry Heart," where the lyrics speak to the serious issue of bad breakups, cheating, and the like. In a recent interview with Mister Styx of Musicarenagh Joe Sneva shared some exclusives and delved into his personal life, he touched on some of the challenges he has faced during his musical journey. He said: The biggest problem is just getting your name out there. The internet and streaming sites are great because anybody can release music, but that also floods the field and makes it harder for artists to stick out This and more were shared during the interview, Get the full interview below Listen to Move Over below: https://open.spotify.com/album/1jl3f47TPPCIxWBePaUw8i Follow Joe Sneva on Facebook Spotify Youtube Instagram   What is your stage name? Joe Sneva Where do you find inspiration? I find inspiration in my hobbies and surroundings. I think living in the beautiful Pacific Northwest of the United States, it provides lots of creative ambition. What was the role of music in the early years of your life? Music was always a huge part of my life growing up, I have five older siblings, and they always played me their favorite music, whether it was Led Zeppelin or Bob Dylan or Pearl jam and I was just obsessed with it all since I can remember. Are you from a musical or artistic family? All of my siblings can sing, so that must have rubbed off on me. Who inspired you to be a part of the music industry? I just decided that a young age to pursue it. I started the band in middle school and we played at my 8th grade graduation. Been doing this a long time. How did you learn to sing/write/to play? My parents bought me an acoustic guitar when I was in 6th grade and some guitar lessons, and I never looked back.What was the first concert that you ever went to and who did you see perform? My older brother Jordan took me to see The Rolling Stones when I was in middle school. At the Kingdome in Seattle, which sadly isn't standing anymore. I wasn't absolute awe. The show blew me away. How could you describe your music? My music has a definite summer vibe. It always comes out with an island vibe for one reason or another. [caption id="attachment_47591" align="alignnone" width="550"] My music has a definite summer vibe.[/caption] Describe your creative process. I'll either have a melody in my head that just comes out of nowhere, or I'll actually sit down with my guitar and decide to write a song, messing around with some different chord progressions and see what comes out. What is your main inspiration? My main inspiration is just knowing that I'm creating something out of nowhere. It's really cool to think that if I write a song right now, that I've just created something that wasn't there 5 minutes ago. What musician do you admire most and why? It's a toss up between Bruce Springsteen and Bob Dylan. They just keep trucking along and creating new music and not just playing their same ol' tunes. They keep creating and putting new albums out. Did your style evolve since the beginning of your career? I think everyone's style evolves, at least it should. I still have written lyrics from when I was 14 and it's laughable. Definitely have lived some life since then. Who do you see as your main competitor? No competitor in music and no rules. That's what I love about it. I create and write and sing what I want. Alw

ays. What are your interests outside of music? I love anything that is summer involved. Surfing, paddle boarding, swimming. If it wasn't a music career, what would you be doing? Probably working at a record store. What is the biggest problem you have encountered in the journey of music? The biggest problem is just getting your name out there. The internet and streaming sites are great because anybody can release music, but that also floods the field and makes it harder for artists to stick out. If you could change one thing in the music industry, what would it be? Streaming services should pay more. There, I said it. Look at this way, people don't pay one tenth of a penny for a print of a painting, or a movie ticket, but for some reason people don't see music as a tangible thing, but it is. It is a product and should be paid accordingly. Musicians totally get screwed when it comes to streaming services. What are your plans for the coming months? My next couple months is just keep writing songs and playing shows, keep on creating. Do you have any artistic collaboration plans? No collaboration plans at the moment, but I have tons of musician friends and we're always brainstorming for ways to do so. What message would you like to give to your fans? Thanks for listening, and I hope you dig my tunes!  

[laskyy]

Hey everyone! Sorry for the wait, but I didn't have much inspiration this week. This imagine that I wrote is probably not gonna be my best, but I hope you enjoy it, because I still worked hard for it! Love you 💖

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Took you long enough

Tw: food, kissing (let me know if I missed something pls)

Genre: extreme fluff

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It was around 8:30 a.m. when you heard your phone ring, so you picked it up without looking at the caller ID because you were to sleepy to care at this point.

"Hello?" You said in a groggy voice.

"Hi sleeping beauty, did I wake you up?" The voice you couldn't get out of your head giggled.

"Oh Intak! Hi there, and well kind of, but I was about to wake up anytime soon so it's fine!" You said as your voice just sounded happier, because of Intak.

Oh and by the way you had a big fat crush on Intak and you were pretty sure he felt the same way, because you guys shared a lot of affection with each other that friends don't. Like kissing the corners of each other's lips, you have slept together in the same bed and you shared longing hugs that neither of you guys wanted to pull away from, but you were still being cautious as you didn't want to move to fast and scare him away.

"Okay then! I called to ask if you wanted to come over and have breakfast with us! You know, to catch up since we've both been busy and I want to see you, if that's okay with you." Intak said in a soothing tone and at this point you were thankful he couldn't see you blush.

"I'd love to come over Intak! I also want to see you." You said and you were sure that Intak could tell by the tone of your voice that you were smiling.

"Alright! I'll see you in 20 cutie!"

"Okay, see you!" You said as you hung up and couldn't help but blush at the nickname.

You got ready and passed by your and Intak's favourite bakery to buy some croissants and other pasteries for everyone to eat.

As you got to the dorm you texted Intak instead of knocking on the door, because you didn't know if the other boys were already awake or not.

As soon as you texted him the door opened and your favourite boy was standing right in front of you with his slightly messy hair.

"Good morning Y/n! Come in!" Intak said as he closed the door and pulled you into a warm hug.

"Good morning! How are you feeling today?"

"I'm great! And you love?" Yeah, you weren't that great after hearing that nickname, it drove you wild! And you guys weren't even dating yet!

"I-I'm good too! And I brought some food!" You said happily as you pulled away from the hug and showed him the bag of pasteries.

"Aww Y/n! You're just the sweetest! Come here, let's go to the kitchen while the other get ready to come down to eat." He said as he grabbed your hand and guided you to sit down on one of the chairs in the kitchen next to him.

"I really missed you Y/n! Can I hug you again?" He said as he gave you those puppy eyes you could never say no to.

You didn't even hesitate, you obviously accepted as Intak englufed you in a beat hug as he put his arms around your shoulders and you put yours around his torso.

"You smell really good!" You said against his chest.

"Oh, thanks I showered!" He said as you both laughed and pulled away from the hug.

Intak was the most handsome guy you had ever laid eyes on. And as cheesy as it sounds you could not stop looking at him. He was just that impactful (Intaktful - no? Sorry, moving on).

"What's wrong cutie? Is there something on my face or you just can't get enough of me?"

You laughed "Oh, you are so full of yourself. But yes I was admiring you, I have to admit it"

"It's good to know you're as smitten for me as I am for you" He said and kissed the corner of your lips softly.

You couldn't help but blush and hide your face in his broad chest as you felt it vibrate with laughter.

"You're so cute when you're shy." He said as he gave you head pats.

You guys pulled away and were just updating each other on your livres while you played with Intak's fingers, a habit that always made you feel at ease.

Eventually, the boys started coming to the kitchen and they couldn't miss the small acts of affection and little looks and giggles you shared with their member Intak, and honestly they just wanted you guys to stop tip-toeing on your feelings. They wanted you guys to realise you were, in fact, perfect for each other.

"Good morning lovebirds!" Jiung said as he softly laughed.

"Good morning!" Both you and Intak answered at the same time.

"Oh who brought food?" Soul asked as he saw the bag from the bakery down the street.

"It was Y/n! They were kind enough to bring food for breakfast!" Intak said as he pulled you closer to him.

"You brought quite a lot as well, but since you were so considerate I'm sure Intak won't let it go to waste!" Keeho said teasingly.

Intak blushed as he looked at your interwined hands.

"Aww look at them being awkward!" Theo said as he looked at Intak and you.

"Yeah They're cute! But I'm hungry and we have work later on so we need to eat!" Jongseob said as he sat down on one of the chairs as well.

You guys were eating and you lost count of how many times Intak wiped your lips or even got hair out of your face. You also lost count of how many times the members gagged! Yeah, they sure love pda.

Once you all finished eating you offered to clean up since they needed to recharge for work later in the day.

You were cleaning the kitchen when Intak wrapped his arms around your waist and softly backhugged you.

"Hey cutie, need help?"

"Hey! It's fine I'm almost finished!"

"Good, because I wanna cuddle!"

While you and Intak shared this sweet conversation in the kitchen, the other members were talking in the living room.

"Don't you guys think it's about time they start dating?" Theo stated impatiently.

"Yeah, but they just won't make a move to ask each other!" Keeho said.

"Maybe if we say something they'll consider it?" Soul said in a questioning way.

"THAT'S A GREAT IDEA! But they won't listen to just anyone. How about Jongseob says something about that! Since he's the baby and yeah you get it!" Jiung suggested while the other nodded in agreement.

Later on in the day the guys had to head off to the van so they could go to the company and it was also time to get the plan in action!

"Can we meet up tomorrow?" Intak asked as he caressed your cheek softly.

"Yeah, I'd love that actually." You said and pecked his cheek while he giggled softly.

"Look at them! We really have to do something! They've been in this stage for ages! They already look like a couple why do they assume themselves as friends? My God Jongseob do your thing!" Jiung said as he just wanted his two friends to understand they both wanted the same thing.

The boys went to the door and blocked it as Jongseob went in front to talk.

"Intak, Y/n. I just wanted to say that the both of you would look like a great couple! I mean you already do, why not make it Official! Please! You guys want this so bad! And we're not letting you get out until you're both dating each other, so good luck!" Jongseob said as he exited the dorm alongside the other members and let you two stay inside.

"Wow that was... Wow!" Was all you manage to say as you were still in shock.

"Yeah! But well we wouldn't want to be on the wrong side of them would we?" Intak said as looked you in the eyes.

"But do you really want this? I don't want us to date just because of peer pressure!" You said as you wanted to make sure Intak really wanted to be with you.

"I really want this! The reason I hadn't asked you yet, was because I never found the right moment to do it but now that they sort of gave us this oportunity I'm not wasting it! Do you want this as much as I do?" He said as he held both of your hands as a way to calm you down.

"I really do! I've been waiting for this for a long time! I didn't ask you before because I didn't want to scare you away!" You said as you smiled shyly.

"Well then, do you want to date me officially?" Intak asked as he looked at you hopefully.

"Of course I do bub!" You said as you hugged him tightly" You said and you could hear the members on the other side of the door cheering for you.

When you pulled away Intak kissed you right away and honestly it felt better than you could have possibly imagined.

"I love you Intak" You said as you pulled away from the kiss.

"I love you too Y/n" He said while leaning in for another kiss which you gladly accepted.

After a while you opened the door and were met by the members cheering for you.

A chorus of "Awws" was heard when Intak kissed your head softly.

"Took you long enough!" Theo said as the rest of you laughed.

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Hope you guys liked this imagine! And once again happy birthday to our puppy Intak! Hope he has a great day! And I hope you guys have a great day as well!! Love you 💖💖💖

[g1sunstreaker]

So, I read thru notes on posts sometimes and noticed your reblog on the one abt the reusable pads and "how tf do I get them to not slide around", and as i know ppl are now getting sick of that post months later, i didnt wanna reblog it (again lol), so 2 ideas:

So 1, i have those and don't have that sliding around problem, and im thinking it might be because of the type of underwear I'm wearing. They're just like normal low-rise to mid-rise briefs, not hipsters or bikini ones or anything cut special. Im thinking its so cause the crotch area of the brief shaped undies has the same width as the pad and its little snap, so i think the pads mightve been designed around that cut of underwear.

Have you tried them w those? If not and you don't mind switching to them for a week out of the month, def give that a try. The cheap 8 packs from walmart work perfectly fine but if you can, see about getting some of the period underwear (it's supposed to be like pads but its not really, its more like panty liner lvl absorbant and completely unruinable underwear, which has its own merits lol) in that cut, cause wow mad convenient and roughly similar prices (depending lol).

2, my Big Idea, is safety pins. 1 (or 2, if it feels better symmetrical, idk lol, babies dont seem to mind either way) of the baby diaper sized ones, w the pin thru the fabric on either side of the snap (thru the undies and wings but not the pad part of the pad), that sucker won't be moving on its own at all after that. If youre wearing bikini cut or hipster cut or anything like that, then safety pinning the pretty fabric side of the pad part, thru only the pretty fabric and no deeper, to your undies, is the way to go, cause I don't think the crotch width of those would let you safety pin the l&r sides of the snap to it. And id think using brief cut undies + a safety pin would def result in the desired stability. Like I'd put $10 on it, you know? I don't have $10, but if I did lol

Lol hope that wasnt weird, after i saw your reblog that popped into my head like, right away, and i thought it only right to share incase it might be helpful to the one who inspired such grand ideas lmao

Anyway hope you have a good one! :)

oh hey whatup, thanks for the ask my man! I think I use the type of underwear you're talking about? not as thin as a thong, but not a full boxer-style brief?

I've never really considered using the period panties I see in the supermarket because I was absolutely terrified of them bleeding through into my clothes all the time, but pairing them up with these might just work.

this is actually supafreakin helpful, thank you so very much!! safety pins are a fantastic idea and probably a rather obvious solution that I should have come up with 🤦 this is awesome advice!! I appreciate you and wish you a great day as well 🙏💕✨

[gvf-imagines]

Part 1

(Josh/Danny/Jake/Sam x reader)

Warnings: alcohol use, self harm scars

word count:  3252

Thanks to @callmekane for beta reading this fic!

A/N: I’m excited about what this story will bring! This is going to be a very smut filled fan fiction series where the reader has a very sexual and open relationship with all of the boys! I know some people won’t like it I’m sure but all criticism is welcome! Please leave comments and let me know what you think and of course if you have an idea for the story I’m totally open to hearing your thoughts! I hope you enjoy it my friends ❣️

If you’d like to be on the tag-list so you know when I post part 2 just message me or let me know in the comments!

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You smiled as you ran off stage, the fans were still screaming and kept screaming until the next band took the stage. The air was electric, so many people, all here to enjoy the great communicator that is music. You closed your eyes to take it all in, to just listen and feel. You couldn't believe you were here, playing in front of this many people. This year you shared the stage with another up and coming band by the name of Greta Van Fleet. You hadn't heard of them before recently and they were actually really good. They had so much soul and passion in their music, it was true, raw talent. 

You watched from the side stage as they played their eclectic set. The singer, Josh, really got the crowd going. He had so much energy and was really fun to watch. His voice was incredible, unbelievable even. He had this raspy, elegant twang in his voice, that truly matched perfectly with the music his band was producing. The drummer, Danny (if you remembered correctly), had such a powerful and classic Drumming style. It was full of life and emotion , just like you, he put his all into his performance. He was focused and truly the heart of the music. There was a guitarist and a Bassist, unlike your band which only consisted of you and your best friend. You, the drummer and your friend the singer and guitarist. The bassist, Sam,  had a very cool way about him, his body moved with the music in a way that seemed beyond his control. The guitarist, Jake , was stunning, his hands danced along his guitar so expertly, you could tell he truly enjoyed his time with his instrument. 

When they finished their set, the crowd erupted in a wave of applause and cheers, like bright yellow and orange fireworks booming through the air, you watched with your minds eye, in awe as they exploded and cracked in the sky. The Boys bowed and waved before walking off stage panting and sweating.

“Nice job!, excellent show” you comment smiling. Danny returned the smile with a grateful nod. 

“Aw thank you, I'm sorry I don't think we had a chance to meet before the show, I’m Dan-” he began.

“You're Danny, Sam , Jake , and Josh” you said, pointing to each of them and smiling. They all returned the smile, there was positive energy just radiating from them, you could feel it like a blanket of warmth resting over you. 

“My name is (y/n), it's so nice to meet you guys!” you chime happily. The lead singer, Josh smiles at and you think you catch a small wink as well, making your heart skip a beat. Perhaps you were seeing things. God he's handsome, his sparkling brown eyes, he had more structure in his jawline than you had in your entire life His chestnut hair was gorgeous and curly, his whole look just attracted you to no end. 

Fuck. 

“Hey your performance was super amazing too, your voice is absolutely incredible” Sam complimented, his voice popped all the bubbly thoughts of josh that foamed in your head. Thank goodness. “Yeah! You did an excellent job (y/n). Its one thing to be a good singer when you have three other band members to help you sound good, but you were out there all alone, just your voice and you still blew that crowd away” Danny added. You were blushing for sure now. 

“Yeah your voice is crazy good, we're honored to play alongside you” Jake chimed. 

“Oh wow you guys are gonna make me cry” you chuckle “thank you so much, that means a lot coming from someone with your talent” you reply. Sam waves his hand incredulously as if you were hyping them up and making them out to be better than they really were.. You weren't. They are  awe inspiring musicians.

“Water?” a stagehand offered walking over with a cooler. 

“Oh thank fucking Christ” Josh rendered making a bee line for the cooler. You chuckled, and now that you thought of it your throat was extremely dry from singing as well. Jake nicely offered you the bottle he grabbed with a smile. A true gentleman. 

“Thank you!” you offer as you grab the bottle from him. You practically ripped the cap off and chugged the whole bottle. It was delicious and cold and ran over your tongue and down your throat with a refreshingly cold bite. 

The five of you stand there and re hydrate for a minute before Sam speaks “we should go grab a drink!” he suggests with a slight raise of his perfect eyebrows. The guys look at you in waiting. 

“You wanna join us?” Josh asks, flashing a pearly white smile. You look around at them for a mere second before responding. 

“Sure! Yeah that sounds fun” 

“Right on, I think I saw a bar down the street we can go to” Jake claims as you all head to the doors behind the dressing rooms. 

Rain began to expel from the dark clouds above you as you all headed down the road. Cold air kisses your skin causing you to shiver slightly, you only had on black leather pants and a pink floral pattern blouse that you tied up a bit to expose part of your stomach. It was late, must have been almost midnight by now, the air was heavy with moisture and you could smell the rain soaked cement under your feet. 

“Are you cold?” Josh questions as he walks beside you, he startled you a bit. You smiled and looked at your arms, they were dotted with goosebumps. 

“Yeah kinda” you reply sheepishly. Josh instantly takes off the jean jacket he was wearing and handed it to you. Jake and the others were a few feet behind the two of you carrying on a conversation about the show. You reached out and accepted the jacket, Josh's gaze nonchalantly floated down your arm, his face fell when he noticed the deep scars that peppered across your skin near your wrists. You notice him looking at them before he brings his gaze back up to meet yours. Your cheeks burned with embarrassment and you quickly put the jacket on. 

“I-I’m sorry, I didn't mean to stare” he says softly, looking down at the wet street. You knew by the tone in his voice he wasn't judging you. His look was filled with concern, not judgement.

“It's alright, people stare all the time” you responded 

“It doesn't bother me so much anymore, i'm used to it.” you added. Josh nods, a sad look still lingers on his gentle face. His jacket was warm, his scent filled your nose, it was comfortable and soothing, much like the rain that fell from the sky. You looked at him out of the corner of your eye, you could tell he was thinking about something, he had that  thousand yard stare stuck in his eyes. You hadn't known Josh for long but it's not hard to tell when someone is enthralled in thought.

“How long have you been singing?” you ask, trying to pull him from whatever trance he was in. 

“A long time, most of my life really” he answers with a smile. Talking about his music clearly made him happy. He in turn asked you the same question. You laugh before responding. 

“Honestly I've only been singing for a few years….drumming is my real talent and I've been doing that for most of my life, coming up on 18 years” you explain. Josh’s expression shifted from a smile to a look of surprise.

“Wow that’s awesome , are you self taught?” he asks again. You nodded “my dad taught me a few things here and there more when I first started out but, mostly I've taught myself” you said. Josh chuckled with a nod.

“That is really cool” he replied, you could tell by the tone and instance of his voice that he was genuinely impressed. 

“Oo careful on the compliments you've never heard me play before, just because I've been playing for a long time doesn't mean i’m any good” you joke, Josh laughs, shakes his head and nudges your shoulder. 

“Well have to get you behind Danny's kit some time” he implores. Hearing him say that made you happy, it meant he wanted to see you again. 

“You guys did really good tonight, I cant believe I've never heard of you guys before really. It wasn't until my manager told me who I'd be playing with at the festival that I started looking into you guys.” you admit. 

“Thanks you did an excellent job too, i really loved that first song you sang, ‘salt is my sugar’ I really resonated with that one, truly felt it, there's a lot of emotion in your lyrics.

“This is it,” Sam announces opening the front door and holding it for everyone to walk in. the smell of smoke and dark liquor hang heavy in the air. An ACDC song played over the speakers. It wasn't very busy, there was an older man sitting at the bar, a couple younger people playing pool and a few others scattered in booths. It was a total dive bar, a hole in the wall, which was just your style. You all sat at the bar on squeaky worn out bar stools. 

“What can I get you?” the bartender asked, perching himself up with his arms rested on the bar as a washrag sat, oh so typically, on his shoulder as he awaited your response. Jake looked at Josh with a raised brow giving him that ‘get a load of this guy’ look. 

“I'll have a beer,” Danny ordered. 

“Me as well please” Jake adds.

“Southern comfort and seven up for me please” you order next. 

“Hmm I'll have a long island iced tea” Sam says. You look at him holding back a chuckle Huh didn't take him for a long island iced tea kinda guy but to each their own. The bartender looked to josh. 

“Salty dog please” he requests.

“Put your IDs on the counter” the bartender instructs as he turns around to collect everyone's drinks. The five of you did as you were told and laid out your IDs. 

“So where are you guys headed now that the festival is over?” you asked playing with a stained, old coaster that sat in front of you. 

“We’re going back to Michigan for some well deserved time off” Josh responds. 

“For a little while anyways” he adds with a smile. 

“Hey I live in silver city!” you reply happily , silver city was a small town in Michigan closer to the upper peninsula. 

“Small world” you added. What are the chances the two of you lived within a few hours of each other and never met until the both of you played a festival in Los Angeles. 

You turn your attention to the combination of alcoholic drinks that the bartender set in front of you. Everyone reached for theirs offering quick cheers before taking a drink. The carbonation of the seven up burned against your throat before the alcohol sent the warming sensation through your chest and stomach. 

“Ah yum” you said, wincing from the sharpness of the alcohol. Jake laughed as he watched you.

“Not very convincing,” Sam says smiling. You laugh and take another drink. You watch Josh stir his drink lightly with the small straw it came with, he notices you looking. 

“Ever had a salty dog before?” he asks, hoping you say no. 

You simply shake your head in reply. He slides his drink closer to you. 

“We can share if you want, it's really good?” he offers. You look at the pink drink in front of you. 

“What's in it?” you ask. 

“It's just gin and grapefruit juice with a little salt around the rim,” he says. 

“Oh god that sounds horrible” you laugh.

“It's actually not that bad” Danny pipes up with a shrug.

“He made me try it a few weeks ago,” he adds. 

“Alright I'll take your word for it” you smile at Danny. You look back down at the drink. 

“I promise I didn't spike it” Josh chimes.  You laugh loudly, why would he even say that? 

“That's exactly what someone who spiked my drink would say” 

“But I guess I trust you guys” you add before taking a healthy sip of the beverage. 

“Hmm that's not bad!” conclude, it was much sweeter than you thought it would be, it kind of reminded you of orange juice and vodka. Josh nods with an I told you so sort of look on his face. 

“Here, try mine,” Sam says next, handing you his glass. 

“Alright you try mine too” you reply with a smile. Sam's slender fingers brush against yours as he grabs the drink from you , your eyes look to his and he winks. 

Oh god, I can't be attracted to two of them. Honestly, who were you kidding? You were insanely attracted to all of them, how were they ALL so cute and gorgeous? Not fair to the rest of man-kind. 

“Wow this one is super good!” you remark going in for another drink of the long island iced tea. 

“Yeah can you believe there's like 8 different alcohols in there? No tea at all” he laughs, you laughed with him. His laugh was sweet and light, like orange sparkling shards of glass dancing through the air. The five of you began talking about life and learning a lot about each other, ordering more drinks along the way. You could tell the mix of drinks was beginning to take effect on you, you felt warm and relaxed. You were standing next to Danny now, he towered over you, this man was truly a beast.the smell of his cologne wrapped around you. It was oaky and mossy with a hint of citrus, you couldn't help but feel an electrifying pull of attraction to him.

For fucks sake, you curse yourself.  

A few games of pool (which, it turns out Jake is like a God at pool) later you all found yourselves back at the bar carrying on more conversation, albeit more slurred now. It was much easier to open up to people when alcohol was involved. You rolled the sleeves of josh's jacked up, exposing your arms as the alcohol was making you extremely warm.

“What happened to you?” the bartender asks loudly. You and the guys all look at him with hints of confusion. 

“I got the worst concoction of my parents DNA possible” you joke , the boys laugh. Jake nudges your shoulder. 

“Shut up you're gorgeous” he says softly. You give him a quick smile. 

“No. Your arm. What happened to your arm.” the bartender says again, nodding to your scars. You hated when people asked that question, like they didn't know why you had those scars on your wrists. Very few things leave scars like that on skin. You looked around at the guys, josh looked pissed and the others looked saddened as this was the first time they had seen your scars, and they knew damn well what it was from, they weren’t as stupid as this bartender. The air of the bar had shifted, the mood went from fun loving to hostile very quickly. Fuck this guy.

“I got in a fight with a weed wacker” you retort sarcastically. The man rolls his eyes.

“What happened? Did your little boyfriend break up with you? Flunk a class? Your puppy ran away?” he was mocking you. You said nothing in return.

“You're just another one of those emotionally confused little girls, no reason to hate her life.” he continues. For some reason he was trying to upset you , and you had no idea why, you'd been nothing but pleasant to the man since the moment you entered the bar.

“First of all i'm not a girl, I'm a woman. Who pissed in your Wheaties this morning man? You're mad because you got all D’s in high school and now you're stuck serving losers like us in this shit hole, pretentious, sorry excuse of a bar? Go fuck yourself. I don’t hate my life.” you answer , anger pooling in your throat. 

“Hey man. Lay off.” Danny says with a look of warning. 

“Of course you don't hate your life” the man says ignoring Danny completely. 

“You just do it for attention, think if you slice yourself up maybe someone will feel bad for you huh? I've seen your kind before girl.” he speaks again. OK now this idiot was pissing you off. You never did it for attention, attention was the last thing you wanted, especially when it came to your scars, you wished you could erase them.

“Look, I've got three things to say to you,” you reply with an irritated sigh. You stood up from your stool and stepped closer to the man. 

“One” you say, holding up your pointer finger giving the illusion that you were going to list reasons of argument to him. Instead you ball your hand into a fist and punch the guy right in his fucking jaw with all your drunken might. To your surprise (and no doubt everyone else's) the bartender fell to the floor, you knocked him out.. Everyone was wide eyed and silent 

“Lets get outta here” Josh says, breaking the glistening silence in the bar, noticing everyone looking at the five of you. Jake grabbed a bottle of Jack before all of you ran out of the door. None of you could suppress your laughs as you took off down the street. Out of breath you all keeled over in a field of grass a few feet from the tour buses in a fit of laughter. You sat down on the wet grass and looked up at the clouds. Danny sat on your left and Sammy was on your right, Josh and Jake sat in front of you and you all formed a small little circle. 

“That felt good” you say softly, referring to punching that shit head of a bartender. Sam laughed.

“Yeah that was awesome, I can't believe you knocked him out” Jake chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief. The air went silent again as you all sat with your own thoughts. Your face slowly lost emotion as thoughts of what the man said swirled around your mind. You tried not to let what people said to you about your scars get to you too much but it was hard sometimes. Danny noticed your expression and you felt his hand draw soft circles on your back.

“That guy was an idiot. He was just being an asshole” Josh said softly, you nodded, knowing he was right. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe you were just really that sad but a tear fell down your face and your voice cracked as you spoke. 

“I just feel so alone sometimes” you wiped the tears away as quickly as they fell. You could feel all of them watching you with sympathetic eyes.

“Everyone's got their vice (y/n)” Danny said quietly, his hand still grazing your back. 

Josh rolls his shirt sleeve up and reveals dozens of little horizontal scars covering his shoulder. He grabs your hand and you look up at him to meet his gaze. He stroked your hand with his thumb and gave you a comforting, gentle look. 

“You're not alone”

[gerb2022]

Hello

Hello and welcome to my blog. Let me introduce myself. I am Tracy. As I grow older, I hope I can share some useful wisdom with others to help ease your journey through life. The military, mental health, rock hunting, video games, and anything tech-related are my passions.

I wish to become a virtual friend to you and improve my ability to help others with things I'm learning. In my case, I'm pretty much learning how to take care of my mental health on my own. Our mental health system is entirely inadequate. Over the last 26 years, the mental health system has failed me countless times.

I've served in the National Guards. This is where I met my ex-husband of 25 years. He then went active duty and we served for 18 years. He received injuries in Iraq and was medically discharge. Due to the nature of his injuries and simply too much water under the bridge, he asked me for a divorce on our 25th wedding anniversary. I then left with a car full of clothes and my cats. He then later filed for divorce and ran it in the local paper. I was not local to read this. Basically, he got an uncontested divorce, stripped me of literally everything.

This is where my passion for the military kicks in. I want to shine light on this subject. A military spouse has served just as much as the soldier. When the soldiers go to war and have mental issues and divorce us, we lose everything. I think the military wives that have served a designated period of time should minimally be allowed to keep military id, commissary benefits and medical. I worked in the home the whole time we served, I have no education, no career, no home, and nothing to fall back on.

I'm a gamer. I love to game. I started out playing Dragon Realms when the internet first arrived. It was a texted based game. No graphics at all. I played that for many years then moved onto World of Warcraft. Played that for many years. Dabbled in some Star Wars. This past year I've been playing an app game called Rise of Kingdoms. It's a very cool game and you get to meet people from all over the world.

I love people. I love to meet people; I love to talk to people. I love to study people, and their cultures. I just love people. People fascinate me. My councilor just recently told me I'm and Empath (I'll discuss this a lot because I'm learning too). So please, feel free to ask me questions, message me for conversation, pick my brain.

Besides wanting to help and inspire people to do better, I do need income. Unfortunately, due to my mental and physical health I can't work any real jobs. So, with luck and my witty charm and charisma this will be my saving grace.

Virtually Yours, TG

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

Madonna knew about my work in Harlem and how i got the children off the street by pounding nails and giving them food.

She wanted a song for everyone in the world but to dedicate it to the most hard-working Construction man or woman out there on my team

I said "they're all hard working... Tho but i say Jess-- because i don't pronounce the T and they all look at me but i also say it in different ways because of my accent always changing depending who I've been talking to most I always pick up on it so its sometimes with a y sound or an I or an e or even the U. So what do you think about that?"

"Oh yeah that would work the Jessies. Now how do you wanna spell it. But i just wanted to do it with one So how about i drop the last s? Oh that will work, see look Jessie and no s"

Jessies to Jessie when its usually Jesse.

"Because the song is about one individual and we are all about individuality the last thing i want to do is sing about a group and jam them altogether. They're not plums, they're people. Yeah?"

"Yes!!!"

"But they're too hard working for what they get"

"But they get them a house"

"What they do?! None of them said that!"

"Its a surprise we keep track of their hours. 1,000 hours is a free house for their families. But i made a mistake in the beginning i had 3 kids and they worked 2,000 hours well almost 2225 actually and so i gave them two houses. But look the houses were really small and the kids were gonna have to share a bedroom, the two girls and they worked hardest so we just tore down a wall and gave them furniture -- for the girls because they did 1757.5 and then the boy and dad we just got them new beds and they kept the two kitchens. That was fun. One was old and not remodeled and the other was brand new, thats the way they wanted it said the girls so they could see how much work they had accomplished. Single dad. Raising 3 kids in the Bronx"

"Oh well that's not a mistake thats a blessing. And oh my those are Jessies i am going to think of them. Two girls i will say they're twins so in my mind one pregnancy and one child. Okay good. Don't tell me any different but when im done i want to meet what is real behind my inspiration!"

"Done deal!"

Madonna she made me cry a lot she is just so beautiful.

We did Harlem the most but we hit the Bronx, lower Manhattan, Brooklyn, Staten Island, even Central Park, Times Square. We went everywhere.

John Gray's mom worked in Manhattan as a nurse but they lived in Harlem. They both worked to earn a house after his mom got onto me about slave labor and we moved her into a brand new apartment complex in Lower Manhattan i had just bought halfway finished and used the same construction crew to complete. That was closer to the hospital and had better schools. Eventually they saved enough money and were able to fulfill their dreams to move back South.

1000 hours bought a house.

The kids that knew nothing or were clumsy had nails pounded in partially and they just had to finish pounding them in. Help carry and move things. We had older people and professionals that we didn't pay.

Grab and go breakfast like pastry or bagels, lunch of a sandwich and chips and dinner of the same. Water always and soda on the weekends. Juice at breakfast. If it lasted it did. No one left without a bag lunch even if they had just ate. We paid people to make food in an apartment. We called it "catered" Usually the real old ladies they worked in an assembly line. We paid them $5 per day plus they earned their full hours. But they needed pain meds just to keep up with the demand so we gave them the extra cash.

The lawyer Steve would shop and make sure all the names and hours and dates were recorded proper.

Some kids just went and ate. Steve would tell them they were thevies and had to work a half hour to not go to jail. And they would. He told them to buy the food they owed 6 hours per "plate" so they never bought it they just paid their time to stay out of jail because he was their lawyer and i was the judge. The cop was their guilt.

So we had a pretty sweet set up to get kids to buy houses through work.

We always printed a certificate on dot matrix printer and framed it and had them hang it in the houses near the door so they were always reminded who bought it and that good work is an honest living and its how you earn a good life.

We always know that 1000 hours will never buy a house and will barely pay the bills.

Yet it was Harlem and people were so poor and Ms Chen really got to me about that voting shit. How blacks couldn't vote till the 1965 law and how in the beginning of time no one could vote till they were a land owner.

So I said let's beat the government and haters and hypocrites!

Give not only the poorest but poorest blacks and let them know they can now vote!!! That's how we ended up on Harlem. Also I had seen the Harlem Globetrotters on TV and I thought a lot of people in Harlem were in wheelchairs -- Hey i may be reincarnated but I was only 5 and hadn't been to NYC to live since slavery was intact and even then it was a fee short years! i was from Detroit in my last life! And NYC was big!! I didn't know if they had a special section or what. My uncle dad laughed at me and took me to Harlem so we could see.

"Nope i don't see any wheelchairs. Will it still work for you?"

"Yeah let me talk to the people and we will see"

I talked to about 50 kids from the street and playground and about 10 adults. All the kids said they worried about money and their parents and the adults said things were okay but one who said it was rough but they were making it.

"Thanks for waiting these 3 hours. Well this is the place! Now excuse me for I must cry for all these kids"

This is why kids (and adults that touched my heart) got houses for only 1000 hours

Stingy Steve I called him... I wanted 100 hours but he said 1000 is more reasonable. He said 100,000 hours is more respectable and accurate but they were kids so 1000 hours was very respectable.

But because the children worried about money and places to live and about their parents.

We bought apartment complex after apartment complex. Renovated on kids labor and paid the children houses.

No one waa too young we had a one year old work with her parents. Usually I just babysat him when they both worked but usually they carried him ina sling... But if she had been sick or it was hot and sunny or they were carrying something they had been working on in, I got the baby.

I got some toddlers, too. They learned to drive nails like no one's business. Twin girls driving their momma nuts "can I just drop them here for a few? Its hot"

I got a panel of nail driving practice so I had them hammer it in Then look the other side to see they got it in Then hammer it out the other way.

The panel always had nails where the nails went in real work. So that in practice they got real location practice. They could see how if they nailed a nail or did a screw crooked how it would affect the work badly. The back side had the frame the panel went onto so they could see if it was a hit or miss.

Usually it was the sheet rock practice. But they had to practice screws also but we began with nails. Before the drill. Some kids had stole our drills so drills were practiced inside. But the dedicated kids got our drills back they knew who stole them.

So that day we had a graduation of Drill work and i got the practice panel back and i had me some toddlers.

Their mom was a lifter because she wasn't good on nails. She saw her babies missing from the shade so she came to look for us because sometimes i took them to the park but i always told her or left a note on my chair. And so she went to check and she saw me and they were behind the panel somewhat having lost interest and were pulling at the nails and feeling them and the board while my back rested

So momma learned to drive nails better because she could screw to assemble because Jesse would start the screws on counterwork and she would finish. So her and her babies learned alot that week.

We liked the kids to hang sheetrock because that was the building of a house. Then they would install plumbing and all that stuff. If we didn't have adults we had the kids build cabinetry. Or often had them build it together.

But we had professional craftsmen (construction workers and plumbers and electricians) teach the kids all the ins and outs of their new house so if any thing went wrong they could fix it.

So they did all the wiring and plumbing.

Id see kids walk out "i just installed a toilet!" I would see faces of disgust and amazement and pride and sometimes all at the same time. I would always applaud that, "you've installed your throne!"

That was the only thing they had to tell me about. Although i liked to hear about the sink. The toilet I had to hear about for my own amusement.

And because we would explain to them the history of toilets and so they would learn all about out houses before earning their toilets.

That is how they earned their materials. History and usually they had a small test. If they couldn't pass twice they had to come to me. Usually they were untrusting or shy so they would test in front of me and then I would say "i know you know that answer because when he read it to you your eyes lit up so what is in the back of your head behind your ear? That's the truth to the answer"

We had a lot of special education students. But they always earned their materials. Even if we took to dusk to help them learn it. There was a small handful I had to help especially because they had too much doubt or fear they were smart or educated. So I did a small class outside and did all their history tests with them. So then when it got to that material they then we're just read it again or talked about it or were asked what they remember most or their favorite information.

Eventually I had to go to the schools to talk to their teachers as to why they were in special ed. I wouldn't say their names but would say "a kid that says your he's teacher...."

Because one kid had memorized 3 pages of history word for word and had been in special ed for 3 years.

I got his mom to go with me on her off day after she saw and the kid "read" what he saw in his mind while the teacher read off the paper.

"Well he missed a few words he said "thee" not "thuh""

"Well that's an accent not a reading defect. He learned it from me allot. I'm English from England not from New York"

"Well we will have to take speech then"

"You can't. Its an accent. It's a way of speech. A dialect not a defect. Would you put Yosemite Sam in speech therapy?"

"Well you're stup--"

"Okay well I might be stupid or stup-eh-eh with your throat drowning out the sound of what you're going to say but you're not getting this kid out of special ed, not with your attitude"

"You're right. I'M NOT. I'M GETTING HIM OUT BECAUSE HE'S SMART AND MAYBE EVEN SMARTER THAN ALL OF US SITTING IN THIS ROOM RIGHT NOW. He could be the next Einstein and for what?!? Because he's black? Because he's Latino? I'm taking this to the school board. You're full of shit. Come on"

"No wait".

She took him out that very day. He went to Harvard and is now a Law Professor at Yale.

Y'all can do anything.

She got fired. Because I went to the principal who actually did complain as well and i went to the superintendent who knew nothing.

So i invited the school board to the streets of the Bronx. (Its where i started -- i was still trying to buy homes in Harlem) invited them to my table and had a list of kids that said they were in special education and had the superintendent and other school board members test them right Then and there.

She wasn't a bad person... She just wanted extra money for the school. But she was fucking with little kids heads and that wasn't right. That next school year special ed was less than half and they were the best testing school in the district.

Now i could say the same for Harlem but they tested out of NYC. They were in the Top 3 in the state.

I have an expert to update you on the rest of the success stories we have because we took the time to care and encourage as i hope you are all doing in homeschooling during Quarentine.