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cas-backwards-tie · 2 months ago

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Chapter One: News Crashing

Poly!TaskForce 141 x Omega!Reader

The Omega Pack Plan Masterlist

Summary: A change in procedure around base causes you to spiral as your world comes crashing down. There's only one way out of this and it starts with telling the truth.

Words: 4.4k

Warnings: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Anxiety, Existentialism, Misogyny, Dismissive Attitudes, Angst, Rage

Mentions of: Medication,

A/N: Honestly, I'd been inspired by a few series (Standard Emergency Protocol and Pantry Solutions) I've read those and it caused me to want to write my own ABO COD AU, so I started this as a sort of funny fic awhile ago. I'm haven't entirely plotted out the whole story, but I have some ideas for the first few chapters. I was finally inspired to finish and post it because @cringeycookies liked the snippet I posted in a wip tag game. So thanks to everyone who inspired me, and a special thank you to @penelopepine for helping me with the dialogue and Price's reaction as I try to begin writing for them.

"I'm sorry, Ma'am," the nurse responds, "we're no longer authorized to refill suppressants of any kinds for any purpose." With a push of the empty orange pill bottle back across the counter in your direction, she offers you an ugly forced smile.

"Is there really nothing we can do?!" You complain incredulously, "Nothing at all? What am I supposed to do with this?!" Taking the emptied bottle into your hands, you stare at the nurse with widened eyes and a wild look.

"There is no 'we'..." she rolls her eyes in response, focus returning to the papers before her. "But if you insist, you can always bring it up with your CO, or the Base Commander." She scribbles something out on the page, but you can hardly focus when your world is virtually crumbling apart around you. "Now if you don't mind, some of us actually have work to do around here."

Still stunned, you can't help the way your breathing picks up as your heart begins to race. About a month ago now there was a base-wide meeting where they'd finally cracked down and implemented a new program the government is trying out: OPP. The Omega Pack Plan. While it's uncommon for Omegas to even be recruited into the military to begin with, such a thing does exist. Regardless, the Base Commander gathered everyone in the Auditorium for a presentation to talk about the new program and how the army would implement it into the troops. Luckily, considering you're on an elite Task Force, it doesn't apply to you. At least... it didn't.

"What the hell is this?!" You yell, tossing the orange bottle in his direction.

He'd heard the stomps all the way down the hall and smelled you coming, so he's neither surprised by your appearance, nor startled by the toss of the bottle. John swiftly catches it in his hand as he looks up at you. "What?" He inquires, finally glancing down to examine what he's caught. "A pill bottle?"

"Captain, it's empty! They won't refill it- I can-"

A groan tumbles past his lips as he drags a hand down his beard. "Look, Panther-" referring to you by your callsign, interesting move. "There's nothing I can do, it's over my head now. I wish I could do something, but I can't." Sitting back in his leather chair, Price places the bottle on the desk; a faint rap of the plastic hitting the wood is the only sound between you momentarily before you hurriedly shut the door.

Panic begins to flood your system as you're not sure how to handle this. It's your turn to freak out. You know how this goes, you know the story now; ever since they'd implemented and dispersed the Omegas into the troops, they'd started implementing them into the Task Forces, and now they have to do so with the One Four One. Fingers curling in and out of shapes as you try to process your next move, you speak before you can even begin to plan what you're going to tell him.

"I- I'm- I..." You're pacing his office now, the heavy gaze of your Captain upon you as you try to prevent yourself from hyperventilating. The thing is, you're usually good with pressure- really good. It's your job to be good. It's just... this is different. This is your life, your livelihood at stake, the livelihood of all your future generations to come.

A sigh resounds throughout the office before you hear the low timbre of his voice. "Dove," he calls out with a gentle tone, "I want you to take a deep breath for me. Alright?" With the calm and even sound of your Captain's voice and the assured look on his face, you comply. Exhaling the last of your breath, you close your eyes and focus in on the deep intake of air through your nose. With the parting of your lips you slowly release it before giving yourself a moment.

When you open your eyes he gestures to the seat before his desk, though you know he won't take offense if you decline. Hesitant, one hand finds its way to the other, wrapping around your arm as you listen to him speak. "Now, can you explain what has you in this state? I assure you that there's nothing that can't be dealt with." You want to trust him, you know him--John Price--your Captain. He's always had your back, always made sure you felt comfortable in the Taskforce, always made an effort to check on you after things got rough.

You nod. Licking your lips, you search his blue eyes as you tentatively take the seat across him.

"Whatever it is, we'll deal with it, alright? I can guarantee you that unless you're trying to tell me you're an Omega, nothing you say is going to shock me that warrants the amount of panic you're putting yourself through," Price chuckles. He's obviously joking, trying to break the tension with humor. Lips drawn upward into a small smile, the Captain stares at you expectantly.

"What if I am?" You whisper, eyes unable to tear from his visage as you try and gauge his reaction. Unexpectedly, silence fills the space between you and feels deafening in the small space. The growing comfort of his office these couple of months now feels like a cage you're forced to stay in, under watch, as you stare down your superior on the brink of a battle to the death. And that's what you do. His blue eyes bore into yours, skeptically shifting between your left and right as he seems to try and get a read on you.

All of the sudden you jump at the smack of his hands hitting the desk in front of him. He laughs at you.

He's laughing at you.

And you're sitting there with your guts spilled out, dread eating away at the pit in your stomach... and he's laughing. It feels like forever is passing you by as you stare at him in shock, this moment between the two of you frozen in time as nothing else persists.

"I understand what this was now," Price explains, still chuckling to himself as he shakes his head. There's a warm smile on his face that feels eerie considering the dire context of the situation at hand. "You got me! I fully believed you for a second there, too."

Eyebrows furrowing in dark realization, you can't help but stare at him wildly. "Wha-" You begin to question him and his line of thinking, but he cuts you off.

"This was all a prank, right? The bottle, the hysterics- you really outdid yourself, Sergeant." Leaning back in his chair, he props his ankle up on his other knee. "Because let me tell you, this was good. Better than anything Soap's cooked up in awhile. Did you come up with it yourself?" There's a cheeky grin on his lips. "Ah, I know you did."

Lips opening and closing like a fish out of water, you sit in the armchair across from him pale with a dazed look across your face. He doesn't actually think that this was...

"Well, with your little triumph in your pocket, I say we get back to work, yeah? I've got some new leads from MI6 that've just popped in." With that, the man stands from his desk and rounds it. "Garrick should be back around Tea. I'll see you in the Command Station then," he informs you. It's then that he passes by, a genial clap on your shoulder while he's at it.

Left stunned in silence, you can't help but grit your teeth, consequentially pronouncing your jaw as anger ebbs through your bloodstream. Breath getting heavier, you can't help but loathe the meeting tonight. Your Captain might be satisfied with the conversation, but all you feel is discouraged. He's abandoned you, left you alone in his office with a humiliating sense of betrayal and shattered trust. Almost like you hadn't just told him your biggest secret at all.

Punching the standard heavy punching bag hanging in front of you, you grunt, ignoring the pain that gnaws at your knuckles underneath the reusable hand wraps. Sweat builds on your brow as you continue to unleash your pent up anger on the gym’s equipment. How could he?! When had you ever pulled anything even similar to this? Never! And the fact that you’ve only been on the team for a handful of months only exacerbates the abandonment you’re feeling right now. He’s your Captain! Regardless of your feelings or the situation at hand, isn’t he supposed to be there for you? He’d promised from the get go to help you with whatever you need, and now the one time you go to him for aid it backfires in your face and leaves you without any sort of solution going forward aside from straight up telling the whole team the flat out truth, and God forbid! You can’t even begin to fathom how that’d go.

A pent up and frustrated yell almost akin to something of a growl emanates from you as you tear into another round of swift jabs and punches. Regardless of the situation at hand, you’ve been trying to build up your upper body’s strength and letting out the anger you’d accumulated over this morning’s events seemed like a perfect opportunity to let loose.

The stretches and treadmill routine didn’t take a lot out of you, but the weights, and now the punching bag definitely is starting to take its toll. Sweat beads at your forehead in rivulets that drip down the sides of your neck, down your scalp past your neck and between your shoulder blades. Tank top soaked in sweat, you breathe hard as your heart pumps rapidly in your chest. You would’ve wound up here at some point or another tonight, but the Captain’s discourteous response certainly led to an earlier workout time.

While others sparsely litter the gym’s floor, you pay them no mind and vice versa. It’s not uncommon for soldiers to be found blowing off steam or aiming to beat their highest reps on the weights. Yet, this gym is reserved for higher standing members of the Force, the gym on the far side of the base where there are less people, offices, and considering the regular army men train in the bigger gym closer to their quarters, it’s mostly other higher ranked officers in here.

“Captain’s lookin’ for ya,” Markowski, another Sergeant that you’d come to befriend on base announces from the doorway, having poked his head in after leaving a few minutes earlier. He belongs to a different Task Force.

A groan tumbles out of you as you realize it’s already that time. Just as the door clicks shut, your phone chimes loudly with the alarm you’d set earlier going off. A few quick swipes of your fingers, you turn the alarm off and unlock the device, seeing a number of messages flood your notifications.

Kyle: You hear they’ve bumped up the timeline? 😯

Johnny: “ https://Tiktok/Shattered.Rat567 ” Had me rollin’ 🤣👏🏻 Gotta check it, Bonnie

Simon: You coming to the meeting or not? 🤨

Johnny: Where r u? You’re usually first here 👀 Cap’s getting peeved, watch out

Not looking forward to the inevitable mess of a meeting before you, you don’t bother rushing to join the men. With a wash of your face in the women’s locker room, a speedy bathroom break, and a grab of the items you’d brought with you, you’re heading for the Command Station.

With the time Price set the meeting, you won't get to eat dinner till afterward. You'd be lying if you said you weren't annoyed by this entire situation, your agitation from neglecting your hunger earlier has certainly come to bite you in the backside.

While you don’t have time to respond to their texts, having set the alarm with only enough time to get back to your team’s Command ‘station’ albeit more like your headquarters before heading out. Speed-walking through the orderly halls with a haste perfectly common around here, you navigate with a well practiced knowledge. Though you’ve only been here coming up on six months soon, you’re well acquainted with this part of the base.

Rounding the corner, you’re in the hall, close. Yet, the worry of being late lingers in the back of your mind and adds another layer of annoyance on top of your residual anger buried deep down from this morning’s situation. You’d inevitably come up with your solution. It’s not one you like… but it’s the only logical option. Another turn and you’re striding into the big garage-like room.

“Nice of you to finally join us, Sergeant,” Price calls out to you. Lifting his eyes from the map laid out across your station's table, he glares in your direction.

“What took you so long?” Soap snaps, his brows slightly furrowed as he stares at you from the opposite side of the table, hands lazily wrapped around his vest’s straps.

A look at your watch tells you that you’re not even late, the meeting doesn’t officially start for another minute! But you are usually waiting on them. He’s got you there.

“Yeah, you’re usually the first one here. It’s not like you,” Gaz whispers under his breath as you sidle up alongside Ghost, Gaz standing diagonal to you right beside Price at the head of the table.

“Focus,” Ghost orders the men, his hands tucked in his hoodie’s pocket. You don’t fail to notice the way he subtly takes a step further away from you as soon as they start talking again. Price goes back to talking plans as Gaz is questioning the circumstances of the information the Captain had acquired earlier when he’d had to leave the office.

“Which is exactly why-”

A heavy exhale on your behalf leaves the men frozen as their eyes drift back to you. “Do you have something you’d like to say, Panther?” The Captain questions. Jaw clenched, you tear your eyes from the map they’d settled on.

“We’ve got a big problem,” you announce, cutting off the Captain as you finally raise your gaze to meet Price’s slightly widened blue eyes.

“Well, if you see something that needs changin’ then let’s hear it,” he responds. A ‘hmph’ follows as he crosses his arms over his chest and sits his weight back onto his heels.

“It’s not about the op,” you correct him. Tilting your head side to side you attempt to crack the kinks in your neck while standing a little straighter to appear more engaged and serious.

“And it’s more important than this? What we’re doin’ right now?” Soap questions, his hands dropping to rest on the table as he looms over it, eyeing you with frustration obvious in his irises.

“What is it?” Gaz asks, a quirk of his eyebrow garnering your attention for a split-second. He’s genuinely asking, and there doesn’t seem to be a hostility in his scent as he turns his attention to you. Then there’s Ghost, who you don’t even need to look at to feel his heavy gaze on you, waiting expectantly.

“Actually, it is,” you argue with Soap, anger beginning to boil in your belly, the frustration and angst having been left to simmer all afternoon. “I can’t believe you didn’t take me seriously when I came to you earlier,” you turn your anger on Price. He looks taken aback by the outburst, something you’re not known for.

“Dove,” he calls calmly, hands out in an attempt to pacify.

“Don’t-” you bark, starting to raise your voice without realizing it. “I came to you in confidance! Trusting you when you said you’d be there to help me if I ever needed it! How could you?” Gritting your teeth, you don’t realize how hard you’re breathing as your chest heaves with anger.

“Woah, woah-” Gaz sputters, “What-” holding his hands out to try and diffuse the argument.

“I let myself be vulnerable-” You continue to shout.

“Isn’t this something that shoul-” Soap attempts to dissuade, backing down as he puts his hands out.

“-and tell you the truth, and-” you’re lunging for him across the table. You’re held back by a massive hand on your shoulder. “You laugh in my face?! What the fuck is wrong with you?”

You're suddenly pulled back, off your feet, and shoved into a metal chair that'd been nearby. Your Lieutenant is hovering over you, his cold eyes now tinged with a spark of anger as they bore into you scrutinizingly. There's the sound of commotion behind him, multiple voices overlapping, yet you can't see anything with that utter giant in front of you!

“Does anyone wanna explain what the bloody hell is goin’ on here?” Ghost snaps. It's only then when the man steps aside that you can see where everyone is. With both of you in your respective corners, you simply glare at the Captain from over your crossed arms out in front of you.

“Are you bleedin’ kidding me, ya Scally?” Price grunts as he shrugs Gaz’ hand off his shoulder. “You’re still on about it! When w-"

"That doesn't explain what happened, Cap," Gaz interrupts, stopping him from going off and getting them nowhere.

He groans, running a hand over his face once more before composing himself. Everyone waits for an explanation—you too—he’d been the first to speak, and you’re curious to hear what he comes up with. “She came into my office, bloody cryin’, tossing me a pill bottle, muttering about, saying she’s a-”

You don’t dare let him finish, not wanting him to be the one to finally say it, exposing your truth to the team. "Omega. I’m an Omega, ” you finish his sentence. While you’re scared to meet their faces, you take a deep breath and force yourself to do so.

"Christ," Price curses, fingers coming up to pinch the skin between his brows as he hangs his head.

Ghost's stoicism is nothing unordinary, and in fact, is somewhat a comfort considering you'd expected nothing less from him.

Gaz looks stunned for a moment, eyes flitting about the other’s faces before the serious look on his face morphs. Lips slowly drawing upward, you shouldn’t be surprised when he starts laughing. "Yeah right," Garrick teases, "and I'm actually the Prime Minister."

Yet, it's not just him. The uproarious laughter from your right only adds fuel to the already burning flame as the two other Sergeants laugh like idiots. All as if it's some poor joke with no consequences to anyone's life, and yet... it's the truth. At the end of the day, it doesn't change anything. At the end of the day, your life is still in jeopardy and they're treating it like some joke. Unable to form any sort of retort, you simply blink; stuck in a stupor raw, stung, and with a dumb look on your face.

Soap, rounding the table slaps Gaz on the back, his face flushed red from laughing so hard. "Yer makin' my stomach hurt. God," he eggs the other on between his dying chuckles and attempting to catch his breath.

"You're really just gonna stand there and laugh?!" You finally burst. Anger surely must be coming off your scent in waves, but you don't care. Standing from the chair, you don't flinch as Ghost swipes his arm out in front of you in case you were going for the Captain again. There will be no physical altercation on his watch.

"She already pulled this on me earlier, mind you, and now what? You're trying to pull it over on the lads' too, eh?" Price goads you.

"And I was telling the truth! You're the one who said I was joking," you point out. The volume of your voice is lost on you, partially blinded by the fury bleeding out.

"I suppose you never did admit to it being a prank," Price reasons, fingers grazing his beard as he runs them over it repeatedly in thought. "But how do you expect us to believe that when you clearly smell of a Beta?"

"Even on the battlefield, after everything we've been through-" Gaz starts.

"After yer all sweaty from a workout, too. I think we'd notice, Pan," Johnny argues, illuminating a legitimate point of consideration.

"Oh please," you mutter quietly to yourself. Shaking your head, you can't believe they're really all being this daft right now. "Like you have heard of those Scent Spritzers.”

There are various perfumes on the market specifically designed to alter one’s scent. Most use it smell like an Alpha when they’re not, or an Omega when they’re wanting to seduce an Alpha when going out. But Omegas posing as Betas was rarely heard of. You’re more than sure it happens more frequently than people know of, they just haven’t been caught. And in your line of work? It’s scarce. People are thoroughly vetted, but… you’d been on suppressants for a long, long time. And a Beta perfume only perfected your hiding.

“Did you forget we’re Alphas, love? We’d be able to smell you across the room if you were,” Gaz taunts. There’s a puff of his chest that makes his cockiness even more annoying than usual.

"You really want to be an Omega? Dumb yourself down to some weak fragile thing?” Johnny jokes, nudging Gaz’ arm as he shakes his head.

“A doll who can get whoever she wants? Want to be nothing more than good for knockin' up and popping out pups?” Gaz adds on.

“Are you serious right now?” You test, seething under your skin as your hands ball up into fists. “How could you say that?!”

“It’s what people say,” Ghost comments.

“Nobody would want that and you’re out here lying about it,” Johnny pokes.

“We’re only trying to point out the flaws in your little rouse, Pan,” Gaz says, a smile lighting up his features as he crosses his arms over his chest.

"And what if I was lying, hm? Would that change anything you just said to me? How you feel about Omegas?" You scoff.

“This isn’t about your designation,” Price finally speaks. Fingers still weaved into his beard, his blue eyes lift to meet yours. “I see what this is about now, but there's nothin' to worry about, Dove.” Your Captain takes on a softer tone and all of the sudden you feel yourself start to get emotional as a twinge of sadness, of the hurt bleeding through upon understanding makes you feel seen.

“I know it's intimidating, the thought of having your first unmedicated heat, but we have medics here. It's natural. Heats, ruts, we all have them. And, hey... at least you're not an Omega, right?" Whatever relief you’d momentarily experienced sinks back down in your gut with the speed of a rollercoaster drop. It’s as silent as a stakeout, the only sound being people’s breathing. And the lack of yours.

It takes a moment to gather yourself, everyone’s eyes on you with the serious topic change. While sex and the downsides to a designation are something discussed with the boys, you’d often been left out. And to your comfort. "You know what? I can’t do this,” you retort. Backing from the group, you toss your hands up. “I guess you'll just have to wait and see," you bite back. With a whip of your hair over your shoulder, you head for the door.

The room is silent once more as everyone gawks. You’d never reacted in such a manner, had an outburst like that… this is… certainly different, and something they’re not at all used to.

“It’s because they took away her suppressants today,” Price explains. It might not have been something the group should be privileged to know. A private matter, really… but with the way you acted? He felt the men deserve an explanation, at least.

“That makes sense,” Gaz responds quietly, eyes still on the door you’d gone through.

“That’s no excuse,” Johnny counters, arms crossing over his chest with a scowl on his lips.

"Well... that went better than I thought,” Ghost comments with a shrug. “Back to the plan? We can fill her in later.”

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bones4thecats · 4 months ago

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Their S/O Being Based on Deadpool (MCU)

Characters: Kagaya Ubuyashiki, Tengen Uzui, and Shinobu Kocho Inspired By: The new Deadpool movie A/N: The Reader is female in Kagaya's part since he does have children. Other than that, have fun! ⚠️ Spoilers/Trigger Warnings for: Mentions of spousal death in Tengen's part and threatening with a sword in Shinobu's ⚠️

╔══════════════════════════════════════════╗

╚═════ Kagaya Ubuyashiki ════════════════════════╝

🌸 When the Hashira had a meeting about Tanjiro, they were shocked to see you dangling upside down from the ceiling of the Ubuyashiki mansion, your eyes closed as you smiled underneath your mask

🌸 They knew that you were basically the polar opposite from your husband, but they didn't imagine it to this degree!

🌸 You landed on the ground and adjusted your dual nichirin swords before walking up and kissing your husband's head, making his gentle smile enlarge

"It is good to have you here once again, my love."

"It's good to be back, Kagaya. So, what's been happening while I've been gone?"

🌸 As your daughters explained everything to you, you noticed how the Hashira acted while Tanjiro laid there with confusion and slight fear in his eyes. He must be worried about this demon sister of his, how odd...

🌸 Kagaya merely nodded along with the girls and begin the whole scenario, being unaware when the young slayer jumped up and smashed his head against Sanemi when he attacked his sister in the box

🌸 To be fair, you would've done the same

🌸 As the whole ordeal ended, you looked at your husband and lightly grabbed his hand, and since you had taken your gloves off he could feel your slightly deformed skin with ease

🌸 You closed your eyes and leaned your forehead against his, making Kagaya sigh while the girls ran off to check in with your old friend and husband's caretaker, Amane Himorogi

🌸 While you picked up your husband and carried him back to your room, knowing he was going to have to take some medications here soon to help out with his worsening condition, and began to tell him about what happened during your nearly month-long mission to a town many miles away north

🌸 And as you recanted everything that happened, Kagaya noticed how you yawned and began to adjust yourself behind him before you stopped talking all together

🌸 Oh how he wished he could see your cute sleeping face like he could back when you both were younger... no matter, he'll see it once again someday

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╚═════ Tengen Uzui ════════════════════════════╝

🔊 Your flashiness and his literally was the thing that drove you guys to speak a lot more

🔊 From your home lives, his being raised as a shinobi to yours being raised as a soldier serving an old -and now dead- clan, you guys just clicked. And it annoyed almost everyone

🔊 When he was about to head off for his mission to the Entertainment District, he had asked you if any letters from your wives had come through

🔊 You sighed sadly and stopped sharpening your blades, setting them down on the ground before standing up and hugging your husband, giving him your answer non-verbally, which was far from your normal nature. It was obvious this was affecting you just as much as him

🔊 Unlike Tengen, you had already lost a spouse just a few months after your marriage, so when you heard no word from your new wives, you just about lost your mind with the memories of your ex's death passing through

"I'll take this as a no." Tengen said, raising his hand to rub your back in a comforting motion.

"You'd be right."

"Damn. I hoped I wouldn't have to go. I don't want to leave you here alone."

"Tengen, I'll be fine. I have my friend's tsuguko and his strong-as-hell self here. Don't worry. No demon is getting past us, promise."

🔊 The Sound Hashira chuckled as you mentioned the young woman, while you rarely taught her, due to her breathing style being more of a explosion-force nature and not based on pure chaos like yours, you did treat her like a teacher would a student

🔊 Looking down at your masked face, Tengen lightly gripped the edges and pulled it up, allowing him a view of your lips and the ability to kiss them

🔊 As he raised his head once more and adjusted your mask back in place, the Hashira looked into your eyes and said his goodbyes

"Tengen. You better find the girls. If you don't, I'm not going to ever forgive you."

"Understood, dearie! See ya!"

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╚═════ Shinobu Kocho ══════════════════════════╝

🦋 Shinobu and you were fairly different. She was always smiling and being kind to others while you were a lot less expressive (since you literally wore a mask everywhere) and more sarcastic/uncaring

🦋 She knew that you could care less for a majority of the world's safety, since you came from a rough home and had an even rougher growth, but the way you defended the very small amount of people you cared for was amazing

🦋 One day, you noticed that Kanao was a bit down, but instead of ignoring her like with pretty much everyone else, you sat down next to her and asked her what was up

🦋 Your longtime girlfriend just so happened to walk by and see how you let her lean against you and rest for a little bit. It was a sweet sight for her

🦋 Shinobu also liked to see how you attempted to be quiet and gentle with the butterflies around the mansion. Whenever one landed on you during your first few months there, you would normally squash them without a care, but now you would let them stand on you without a glance

🦋 And while you kept your more polite nature up for a while, when you were called for the meeting to speak about Tanjiro, who you just so happened to journey with for a bit, and saw how Sanemi had stabbed Nezuko's box... you snapped

🦋 Gripping your swords, you launched yourself forward before stopping abruptly, a huge gust of wind blowing in your fellow slayer's face

🦋 Sanemi stood there shocked as your glared at him strongly, ignoring the words of the others behind you

"Put the box down, Sanemi. Or else I may just have to treat you like the demon I slayed a few hours ago."

"Y/N. Calm down," Shinobu said.

"Not until he puts the little girl down."

🦋 Shinobu watched as Sanemi laid the box down next to you, allowing you to pick it up and lay it in the shade of the Ubuyashiki Estate. Though, you didn't move away from it, preferring to sit down next to it in an effort to relax the kind demon inside from the pain

🦋 The Butterfly-loving slayer kept her smile up, though there was an obvious sadness in her eyes as she observed you. You must have seen one of your past allies in her... like how she remembered Kanae when Mitsuri would smile sometimes

🦋 When the meeting ended, Shinobu had approached you, and instead of asking you why you threatened Sanemi, she just held your hand and ushered you back to the Butterfly Mansion kindly

"...Are you upset at me for that?" You asked.

"Oh beyond upset, but we must focus on the new slayers for now."

🦋 Oh you were in for it later...

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dee-the-red-witch · 5 months ago

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…a lot of folks just see themselves in the mirror. Before I came out and started my transition, I mostly saw static- I'd gotten really good at making my brain just tune out what I was feeling about what I was seeing. But once I stopped hiding from myself? The litany my brain went through every time I saw my own face was way too loud and clear.

Chin too wide. Forehead too big. Brow ridge is massive, you have to keep your eyebrows constantly raised just help hide it. Where's your upper lip? It doesn't matter if that's been your hairline from birth, that fivehead is terrible.

And more. It was even worse before I'd started laser for my facial hair and found a stylist that does amazing work reshaping my eyebrows. And none of it is vanity. It's just my brain doing it's own best to hurt itself with all the reminders of a puberty that went in the wrong direction. Of the fact that I wasn't a girl.

And I want to point out something- all these features I've listed? They're all present in cis women. Gorgeous cis women. There's nothing inherently male about any of these. Hells, on a good day, I pass as a woman in public without much issue, which is something I never thought would happen.

But this isn't about passing. It also isn't about ultimately going stealth and hiding the fact that I'm trans. I fully intend to stay loud about that for the rest of my life. It's about being able to look in the mirror and not want to scream about everything that doesn't match what's in my head at all. It's about making that list shut up. I can see past it sometimes. Just sometimes. But that's why the second of these two surgeries I'm having needs to happen. So I can see it more often. So I can be myself, without the horror movie litany in my head.

And the fix for it? In my case it's the following, since I didn't want to deal with implants or fillers. Bone reduction in the chin and brow- make the former narrower and reduce the brow ridge entirely. Adjust the upper lip with a slight pull upwards, done just under the nose. Since my skin's going to be loose from the removed bone, use it to pull things a bit further by bringing my hairline forward and down a touch. That';s it. slight adjustments that'll leave my face looking like I got hit by a truck for the first six months of recovery, but afterwards, a face more like what I expect to see in the mirror.

And yes, this post is happening because GFM once again reminds me to give detail and insight about the medical needs I need covered to my audience. And for those of you unfamiliar, maybe it at least gives some perspective. I don't think they quite knew what they were asking for with these particular cases, and I'm hoping I didn't just horrify the lot of you with this. But when it comes to asking 'why I need to do this'? This is part of it. Making some of my life that much less of a struggle.

Anyways, thanks for taking the time on reading through this one if you've gotten this far. If you can, please, again, share this fundraiser around- I've got a long way to go still, but I'm hoping I'll be able to make it.

137 days to go.

#gfm #transgender #transfem #gofundme #help #signal boost #cw dysphoria

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604to647 · 5 months ago

Text

Safest with You (Ch. 19 - The Betrayal)

5.3K / Modern AU Retired Mob Enforcer!Din Djarin x fem!reader

Summary: Din addresses the threat made against you the only way he knows how.

Warnings: 18+ Content (MDNI please). Established relationship, unprotected PiV, nicknames (pretty bird, baby, etc.) Angst, angsty angst. Additional warnings withheld to avoid spoilers.

A/N 1: I'm just going to upload this now instead of my usual Friday posting because it's been a doozy to edit and while I don't think I've quite achieved the emotional punch I wanted, I feel like not posting it is holding me back on the next chapters; TLDR - it's not perfect but please take this from me 🙏🏻🫣

A/N 2: I'm sorry.

Series Masterlist / Dividers by @saradika-graphics 😘

It’s been a hell of a week. More than once, Din’s come home worn down with evidence of some type of altercation etched into his energy. Whatever is happening with the Mandos these days, it’s different than before – whereas prior to Cass and Rikard’s wedding the toll that the unrest had taken on Din was mainly physical, these days the weight that Din carries on his ever tightening shoulders seems to be more of a mental burden. He won’t talk to you about it and that alone leaves you anxious with worry for him.

After what must have been only a temporary respite, months of simmering tension in Din’s world feels like it’s about to break into a boil at any moment and you just know that Din will be in the middle of it when it does. One night, Din comes home with a nasty knife wound down his side and you have to fight back tears as you do your best to help him clean and patch up his wound. When it’s clear that your amateur first aid skills won’t be enough, you call Lala who came over immediately and put her nursing degree to use, mending and healing what you could not. After walking her down the stairs to her waiting cab, you had hugged your friend tightly, thanking her profusely for coming and helping Din. The look of concern on her face finally breaks you and before you can help yourself, you're crying in her arms – you've never had anyone with whom to share your worry for Din before. Your friends have seen you stressed over Din in the past, but this is the first time someone has seen evidence of the violence that’s the root behind your anxiety. Selfishly, you feel a weight lifted off of you from not having to hide this part of your life with Din from your friends for once.

Climbing the stairs and reciting to yourself the instructions Lala left on how to keep Din’s wound clean and infection-free, you suddenly wonder if Din might be angry with you for having brought in an “outsider”. But your concerns turn out to be completely baseless, evaporating the moment you fluff the pillows behind Din’s head while trying to make him more comfortable – Din takes your hand and apologizes to you, “I’m sorry, pretty bird.”

“Sorry for what? Getting hurt?”

“Sorry that I can’t keep this part of my life out of yours.”

Silly old man. “Din, there isn’t any part of your life that I don’t want in mine,” you try to smile at him reassuringly, but he’s already succumbing to the pain medication and drifting off to sleep.

Din doesn’t tell you about the threat made against you - he doesn’t want to scare you or have you living in fear. He also doesn’t want to add to the anxiety he knows you already carry on his behalf, especially since he doesn’t have any answers right now - the investigation into the threats is not going as quickly as he’d like.

He knows he's not being fair. It’s all hands on deck right now - every Mando on the payroll put on protection and surveillance details to ensure that each photographed target has sufficient coverage, including you. That only leaves a few bodies with enough time and know how to properly investigate the threats and chase down leads. These things take time, patience, focus – Din knows that, but all he can think about is you and how every minute he hasn’t uncovered the culprit behind the threats is a minute you’re not safe. It’s distracting him and making him sloppy – like the other night where he literally chased down a lead who ended up pulling a knife on him.

As far as Din’s concerned, even if he has a Mando watching you every second of the day (which just isn’t possible), until he makes headway in the investigation, you won’t be any safer. He doesn’t tell you any of this - just lets it stew and eat him up. But you know him so well and he can tell that you know he’s keeping something from you and that it hurts you. Din had made you a promise a long time ago that even if he can’t tell you everything, he would never make you feel like he was purposefully keeping you in the dark – he knows he’s breaking that promise every day.

Something has to give.

Din knows this but he doesn’t know what. He could tell you everything – you would have to live as you never have before, frightened and terrorized. Would you blame him? He already does. Or he could try harder to pretend that nothing’s wrong – somehow this feels like lying to you and quite frankly, he doesn’t think he could manage it anyways. What he really needs is a break to come in the case so he can take out whoever is behind this, but he has no concrete way of making this happen. In lieu of that… he could remove the target over your head another way. There are no good options.

Then, without warning one night, it hits him square in the jaw what the only option is.

It’s near closing time at the gym, but there aren’t any people working out – just a Mandos gathering. Paz leads the meeting which consists primarily of going over surveillance reports and handing out protective detail rotations. The atmosphere isn’t relaxed by any stretch of the imagination, but nothing out of the ordinary has come up recently and if anything, the meeting is fairly routine.

Din is only half listening to the protection assignments, having already heard that Jimmy and Mayfeld are assigned to you this week, when out of the corner of his eye he sees Brian get a text and leave to make a call outside, but he never makes it past the front doors of the gym.

Even from a distance, Din can hear Brian’s girlfriend through the line; she’s upset, nearly hysterical, whatever Brian is saying to her completely masked by the sobs coming through the phone.

Having been silenced by what they can’t help but overhear, the Mandos all watch as Brian returns hurriedly to talk to Paz, voice low while his girlfriend appears to stay on the line; Brian has his hand over the mouthpiece of the phone but her loud sniffling can still be heard through the ear piece of the receiver. When Brian leaves, practically running out the door – Paz calls out for a few Mandos to follow with him, but not Din.

“You should go see Lil’ Lady, brother.”

“Why? What happened?” Din panics.

It wasn’t Paz’s intention to alarm his friend needlessly, realizing too late the folly of his words, “Brian’s girlfriend was being followed while she was out walking the dog. Not even very discretely. Two cars filled with guys won’t stop harassing her – she’s not close to home so we’re going to go deal with it.”

“While she was walking the dog?!” Din’s immediate thought goes to you and Al as Paz knew it would.

“Yeah. We’ll go with Brian. You go home, ‘kay brother?”

Din’s already packing up, ready to close up the gym and head to your place, the buzzing in his head drowns out anything Paz might be saying: “nothing to worry about” or “it’s not the same.”

It might as well be the same. Brian’s girlfriend was walking the dog. You walk the dog. She was alone. You walk Al alone. She had been so very frightened – he could hear it over the phone, and his heart constricts painfully imagining that same current of fear in your voice. She has a detail, of course, but apparently whoever had gone after her was willing to take the chance, or somehow knew when she would be alone, without Brian and when her security would be rotating off.

The Mandos can only do so much – even with their efforts, none of the targets being protected are 100% safe 100% of the time. As he drives, Din can’t help but replay the sound his brain conjures of what you might sound upon realizing you’re in danger, scared and crying out for his help.

By the time he pulls up to your building, he’s come to the only solution that’s viable in order to keep you safe. The one that that increasingly loud, incessant voice in his head has been nattering about since he saw those photos of you. With a heavy heart, he picks up his phone and dials a number that he hasn’t called in a long, long time.

For the past few days, Din’s been coming home earlier and you can tell he’s making an effort not to bring Mando business home with him. While you appreciate it, you think you would much rather if he told you more about what was going on, or at least be less closed off with you. Tonight, he comes home tonight with flowers and a big bag of take out from your favourite Thai place as a surprise – you know he’s trying to make up for his mood the last two weeks; his sweetness warms your heart – he’s shut you out a lot recently but you know he probably hasn’t meant to. And while you don’t need him to apologize for it, you do need him to know he can open up to you about what’s troubling him – the two of you have come such a long way since the first time he told you about his connection to the Fetts; it seems silly to keep you in the dark so much after saying, in Din’s own words, that you were one of them. Sitting down with your plates, you let Din know as much in a gentle and calming manner – you don’t want him to feel bad, you just want him to know you want to be there for him.

Din sighs, “I know, I’m so sorry, pretty bird. I don’t mean to shut you out. I… just don’t want any darkness to ever touch you.”

Leaving your plate behind, you climb into Din’s lap and run your hands through his soft curls, gently placing soft kisses to the corners of his mouth before cupping his face in your delicate hands and cradling it so he looks at you, “I know, baby… but I’m a big girl. And I know that I have my big bad wolf to take care of me if things are too much.”

Din smiles and closes his eyes, feeling a tingle every place where the soft graze of your fingers touches his skin: his face, jaw, neck. He could stay like this forever, just melting into your touch.

Nodding, he tells you what you need to hear, “Tomorrow night, I have to do something that I’m dreading. But it needs to be done and I’m the only one who can do it. But, pretty bird – if there was any other way, I would never entertain it. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. It consumes my every waking thought. It will be one of the hardest and maybe worst things I’ve ever had to do – and I don’t even have any idea if it will even work. I don’t think I’m at all prepared for what will happen after - I’m scared, baby.”

Din's telling you the truth. Tomorrow, he’s leaving. Tomorrow, you’ll hate him. He doesn’t know how he will find the strength to go through with what he has planned - all he knows is that he has to. He’s almost afraid to open his eyes – he knows that when he does, he’ll be met your understanding and unwavering sympathy for his plight; you always look at him with so much care, love and belief in his goodness. His heart shatters at how much he’s going to betray that trust.

“Will you be in danger?” you ask, timidly – you won’t ask details because you don’t think Din will give you any, but you’ve never heard Din speak this way before. Normally so fearless, it’s so unsettling to hear your big, strong warrior admit that he’s afraid.

His eyes forlorn, Din nods, “I wouldn’t rule it out, baby. If things go a certain way, I’ll go back to my place to lay low, okay? No matter what, I’ll call you before 9:00 to let you know I’m okay.”

Still holding his face in your hands, you study your sweet, brave Din’s face and try to convey with your own gentle expression that you believe in him, that everything will be alright. He reads you perfectly and his chest tightens even more – no matter what, you always remain his biggest supporter, confident in his abilities and his decency. His precious pretty bird. He closes his eyes and inhales your sweet scent, a mix of your floral perfume and the nameless subtle scent that he associates with just you, as you flutter soft butterfly kisses all over his face and neck.

That night Din takes you to bed and makes love to you. His loving gaze and hands try to memorize every line and curve of your figure; he kisses your lips swollen so they’ll imprint on his own. Mentally, Din attempts to record every sigh and sound of pleasure that falls from your mouth, hoping he’s captured them properly so he’ll never forget them.

He makes you sing with his fingers and mouth, honouring every deep valley and cresting wave of your body and thanks you for allowing him the privilege of knowing it so intimately by touching the very deepest, loveliest parts of you. He drinks from you like a parched man in a desert that knows what he’s found is a mirage, but it’s as good to a desperate man as an oasis, so he’ll have more than his fill while the fantasy lasts. He gives you mind numbing pleasure and takes none for himself, hoping that every orgasm his gives you tonight will somehow lessen the hurt he’ll inflict tomorrow. The less selfish part of him knows that it will actually hurt more, but he cannot regret devoting himself to you for just one more night.

When Din finally enters you, it’s with him positioned on top - pinning you beneath his formidable frame, caged in and safe. He won’t take you any other way tonight. He won’t look anywhere else tonight but your bright eyes, the ones that remain, for now, filled with adoration and love. If there’s anything he swears to himself that he’ll remember, it’s these eyes. They close whenever he steals your air by uncovering those secret parts of you that only he can reach, and snap open wide as you gasp to the sensation of Din dragging along your tight, warm walls. Later, after he’s already pulled two from you, Din slowly thrusts, stretching and filling you so that you both feel every inch of his worship and he watches them fill with tears. “I know, baby, I know,” he whispers, not sure if he’s reassuring you or himself as his kisses your wet cheeks.

The final time you come, you do so in tandem, both you and Din crying out loud, unashamed, and desperate. Collapsing on top of you, Din softly chants words of praise and love: ‘I love you’ ‘You’re perfect’ “There is no one for me but you’ timed to his still pulsing cock, trailing off only when the fluttering of you sated cunt subsides.

---

You wake some time in the night to the gentle movements of Din’s lips pressed into your hair, murmuring words that you don’t understand, either because they’re too quiet or because your brain isn’t quite awake enough.

“Din?” you mumble, still half asleep.

“Sorry, pretty bird,” Din gently pets your hair, “didn’t mean to wake you. Go back to sleep, sweetheart.”

Rolling so you’re now facing him, you gently extricate one of your arms from under the covers and run your fingers down the strong line of Din’s jaw, smiling softly at the way his scruff tickles your finger. Din closes his eyes at your feather light touches.

“Can’t sleep because you’re worried about tomorrow, baby?”

Without opening his eyes, Din nods and leans into your hand, encourage you to give his face more of your soft scratching. He’ll miss this. Your soothing touch. The way you read him and know his feelings sometimes better than he does himself. And, of course, your sweetness - how you take on his troubles as your own so he never feels alone, and honestly, just how much you care. You care so deeply, about him, about everything, and it tears Din’s heart out that soon your beautiful soul will be marred by what he has planned.

He opens his eyes to what he will forever insist is the most gorgeous sight his eyes will ever behold: you smiling lovingly at him, softened eyes full of fondness, confident that the man you’re gazing at adoringly cherishes you, one who deserves how you cherish him right back, “Whatever happens, Din, we’ll get through it. Together. But you should get some sleep, baby - you probably need to be well rested for tomorrow.”

He nods again, he’ll agree to anything you say so not to burden you will extra worry or concern. Still taking care of him. Always caring for him. Fuck. You’re a heaven he never thought he would find. Din mirrors your actions, stroking your cheek softly as you smile sleepily at him, his gentle actions doing what they intend - lulling you slowly back to sleep.

“You’re so pretty,” Din whispers, unable to string together something more eloquent; it’s beyond him right now to find the words expressive and articulate enough to describe the beauty he’s looking at.

No matter - your face glows at his compliment, “Thank you, baby. You always make me feel so pretty.”

“You are,” Din’s voice is indulgent and true.

“And you make me feel so safe.”

“You are,” his chest tightens a little at this sentiment.

“So loved,” your voice lilts up a little at this declaration, soaring above the notes of the words and its pretty melody makes Din's heart take flight.

“You are,” Din’s emotions nearly choking him now.

“And so happy,” the look on your sleepy face is tranquil, trusting, content.

“Oh, fuck, pretty bird. You make me so happy, too,” Din’s voice cracks. It’s such an understatement, in some ways even derivative of how you actually make him feel and yet, not untrue - you make him deliriously happy.

“And loved?”

“Yes, baby, I feel loved,” he grins at the innocence in your voice, though he knows when it comes to the lyricism of your words, nothing you say is by chance.

“And safe?”

“Very safe.”

“And pretty?” and there it is: your silly, teasing grin - wide and self satisfied, like a Cheshire Cat.

Din gives you what you want, “Yes, I feel pretty.”

“You’re the prettiest, Din,” you yawn, eyes ready to close but still crinkled in mischief. Not for the first time he wonders at your playfulness and how you always manage to make laugh. He will miss these lighthearted, carefree moments with you the most, he thinks. Miss making you laugh right back. Oh, your laugh. He wishes there was someway he could record it, to have on hand and replay anytime he needed to lift his spirits.

“Ok, sweetheart. It’s clear you’re delirious. Time for sleep,” he nuzzles his nose against your neck as you giggle.

“Nope, I’m going to remember every word of this tomorrow morning, pretty man,” you insist, though your languid, sinking body belies the conviction in your tone.

Once he hears your soft, sleepy purrs, Din resumes what he was doing before you woke. He certainly was not sleeping; he won’t let any of these last remaining moments he has with you go to waste. Instead, he contents himself just watching you sleep in peace, admiring your beautiful features, unable give them up for even a minute more than he has to - not when he knows that this is the last night he has with you in his arms.

And so, he appreciates as much of you for as long as he can - soaking in your presence and the warmth of your lithe body against his, feeling your soft calm breaths as your chest rises and falls in your worry free sleep. He murmuringly declares all his love, devotion and regrets, knowing he will never have a chance to speak these truths directly to your face; so like a coward, he pours them out now, hoping something within you will hear him and always know how deeply he cares for you. And how very, very sorry he is. He admires your loveliness for as long as he can, forcing himself to keep his eyes open to the woman he loves until he’s overtaken by exhaustion.

How long is too long? This is the question you ask yourself at half past 9:00 pm. When you last saw Din, kissing him goodbye this morning as you left for work, he had reassured you again that he would be careful today and he would check in by nine o'clock.

It’s been an entire day of trying to keep your mind off what Din is doing and failing miserably. You can’t get the image of your strong hulk of a man - the fighter, the protector - looking so unsure of himself, beaten, frightened. Anxiously you’ve been awaiting his call all evening, fidgeting and unable to sit still or focus on any task that you attempt to pick up for a distraction.

Is he hurt?

This fear plagues your thoughts starting at 8:00 pm and only intensifies as time ticks by.

“Fuck it,” you say to Al at 10:00 pm, “I’ll take you for a walk when I get back, ok bud?” Al looks at you as if to say ‘It’s about time, Lady’ before laying his head back down for a nap that will thankfully be undisturbed by your restlessness.

You fret the entire cab ride to Mando’s, but mercifully, it’s quick. About to put your key in the lock, it strikes you that it might be a good idea to exercise some caution, so instead, you knock softly. Worried when Din doesn’t answer right away, you say quietly through the door, “Din, it’s me. Are you there? Are you hurt?”

To your relief, you hear the lock start to turn; but when the door finally opens, your stomach drops.

It’s not Din.

Instead, Vanessa stands on the other side of the door, half naked - wearing only her underwear and one of Din’s button-up shirts. You look at each other in silence for what feels like forever; your mind feels foggy, unfocused, but you think you perceive a small smile on her lips. With every second that passes, the strangling pressure on your heart grows stronger, smothering every loud beat. Finally, you find your voice, “Is Din here?”

And suddenly he is. Visible from the doorway and standing only a few steps behind Vanessa, Din’s shirtless and his pants are unbuttoned, as if he had pulled them on in a hurry. He can’t quite make eye contact with you, and in this moment, any hope that you might have had that this isn’t what it looks like, vanishes.

Vanessa turns and steps towards Din - as she is about to pass him, she stops at this shoulder and says, loudly, “When you’re done, come back to bed, baby.” Cupping the far side of his face, she pulls him towards her, planting a kiss to the corner of his mouth before she walks off in the direction of the bedroom.

You look away and try to swallow the sob that's trying to claw its way out of your throat. Din is coming towards you now and instinctively, you back away. This is not your Din. Not the Din who always leaves you the last bit of milk for your morning coffee. Not the Din who holds his hands over your eyes during scary movies, but narrates for you what’s happening because he knows you still want to know. Not the Din who pledged his love and loyalty to you. Not your Din. But your Din is a lie. You think you're going to be sick.

Din watches as you shrink away from him and his heart shatters. He knows with certainty that he’s lost you. Yes, this is what he planned for; he needed you to no longer be his. If you weren't his, there would be no incentive for anyone to target you - but seeing you so hurt and being the one to hurt you is more agonizing than he could have prepared for.

He shuts the door so that it’s just the two of you standing in silence in the hall. Willing yourself to look up, you stare at Din directly, “I came tonight because… I thought you might be hurt.”

I know, baby, Din laments, I knew you would. Because you’re considerate and all kindness. And I leveraged your goodness like a weapon and used it against you.

You pause, still trying to reconcile what you’ve stumbled upon and what you’ve believed up until tonight to be the essence of the man you love. Didn’t Din assure you that Mandos never cheat? That he has never and would never? That you were enough for him? As if to give him one last chance to somehow offer an explanation that your brain couldn’t conjure up on its own, you continue in a smaller voice, “Just last night you were telling me how happy I make you,” your eyes desperately search his, “How could you do this?”

You do, pretty bird. You make me so very happy. Din looks at you with a resigned expression, “I told you… I’m not a good guy.”

You don’t know what you expected – a denial maybe? Some attempt by Din to comfort you? An acknowledgement of how he’s betraying a year long relationship that had been one of the happiest of your life? Somehow this stoic non-response stings just as much as the cheating.

“No. You’re not,” you whisper.

Din can only look at you sadly, eyes downcast in shame. No, I’m not, pretty bird. Finally. You acknowledge the very truth that Din’s been running from since he met you. You and your goodness had almost convinced him that despite the things he’s done in the past, or what his connections and ties are, he might be good too - good enough for you. But a man worthy of you wouldn’t place you in danger just by association; the man you deserve would never betray your sweetness or belief in him by leading you into darkness without your knowledge.

“… you’re an asshole.”

“I am. I’m sorry.” It’s the most truth he can offer you tonight.

The tears are coming now and there isn’t anything you can do to stop them. Your body is screaming at you to leave, to get yourself far away from Din and the flaming wreckage of what you thought was a true and deep love - one you had given all of yourself to and for which you were now left with only questions that you know will never be answered. “I never want to see you again,” you manage to choke out.

Din is grateful for the small grace that he won’t have to lie to you again. “You won’t. I promise,” he whispers, devastated.

And with that, you turn and flee.

---

Din stays standing on the landing until he hears the downstairs door slam; you never turned around and he is suddenly very aware that he will never look upon your face again. The realization hits him with a force the tips him against his door; he closes his wet eyes and rests there for a minute before going back into his apartment. When he turns from closing his door, he finds Vanessa standing in the living room, looking at him expectantly.

“Well?”

Din sighs. “Well, what?”

“Is it done?”

Is what done? Is he done breaking the heart of the only woman he’s ever truly loved? Is he done ruining the best thing that’s happened to him a long time? Destroying something that’s brought a light to his life he never thought was possible? He supposes it is done.

Din sighs and nods. He’s not unappreciative of Vanessa’s help, but she represents everything he’s broken tonight, “Thank you for your help, Vanessa. Do you need a ride? I can drop you off on my way.”

Vanessa smiles coyly, “Right now? I thought we could…” she lets her voice trail off, looking eagerly at Din. But when he remains unmoved, face dispassionate and detached, she takes the more direct route, “I mean, she already thinks we had sex. We might as well actually have sex.”

Din doesn’t have any fight left in him; he just needs tonight to be over, “I don’t think we can do that, Vanessa. I have to go, are you sure I can’t offer you a ride?”

She dresses as she gathers her things, annoyed, “Where do you have to go? Are you going after her?” Hands on her hips, she looks at him in disbelief, “Din. She hates you.”

“I know she does. But I still want to make sure she makes it home okay.”

Exasperated, Vanessa storms past Din and out the door, ignoring his offer of a ride and for the second time in ten minutes, Din hears his downstairs door slamming closed.

---

Din expects you make it to your apartment before him, but he has enough time to park his truck and find a spot where he won’t be seen before he sees you come downstairs with Al. Your pretty face is ashen and a look of shock is still written on your face. With a lump in his throat, he watches you let Al do his business and the ensuing tug of war between you and your dog, both intent on going in opposite directions.

His chest aches when he hears you cry as you kneel down, “I’m sorry buddy, I can’t take you for a long walk tonight. I’m sorry.”

Your sweet pup shows you the compassion and care that Din can’t offer you, allowing you to lead him back into the building without further fuss.

Din stands on the sidewalk, looking up at your apartment far into the night. He experiences a sinking sensation of déjà vu, remembering the last time he was in this position – when he ended things with you after your third date. What a fool he is, letting go of his perfect match twice; the finality of his actions this time leaves no hope in his chest. And so, Din remains rooted where he stands, not moving even when his legs start to protest; he barely registers your security detail coming over to check on him. Jimmy’s calls of his name or questions as to what happened are unable to cut through the dull droning in Din’s head of his own failings. Called in by an panicked Mayfeld, Paz arrives a short while later; upon seeing Din’s near catatonic state, he intuits with disbelief what Din did tonight. With some difficulty, Paz draws Din away and back towards his vehicle – Din never even hears his best friend’s insistent whispers that things will be okay and that they have to go. His head is filled only with you and a sad recitation that drowns out all other voices: I’m sorry, pretty bird. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

Bc I'm not posting on my usual day, tagging a few people that have been so patient with me and supported this series. Ty ilysm 🥹 @tuquoquebrute @furiousmushroom @cheekychaos28 @72scsuze

@toobsessedsstuff @whirlwindrider29 @inept-the-magnificent @mellymbee @that1nerd-20

@hipabbster23 @bitccchmood @bigbutchenergee @rainbowcat164 @the-strawberrythief

@johnssherlock221 @misstokyo7love @vivian-pascal @florxdexcerezo @fanficlover1414

#din djarin #modern!din djarin #din djarin fic #din djarin fanfiction #din djarin x reader #din djarin x you #din djarin x f!reader #pedro pascal character fanfiction #pedro pascal characters #modern au #no y/n

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chvoswxtch · 2 years ago

Text

return the favor

pairing: matt murdock x fem!reader x frank castle

summary: you're always there when matt and frank need you, no matter what it is, or what time of day. they decide it's time to return the favor, and show some gratitude.

warnings: all of them. every single one of them. swearing, mentions of blood, explicit sexual content (minors dni, seriously this is like x rated), little bits of fluff sprinkled in

word count: 12.6k

a/n: i'm not even going to apologize. y'all know me by now. y'all know who I am as a person. y'all know I cannot be normal about either one of them, and i've stopped trying to be. my inner slut took over when I wrote this, and it is filthy. it had me sweating like a whore in church. I don't even go to church. i'm not even religious, and I feel like I need to pray for forgiveness after this. this baby is over 30 pages, and it is a ride. ;)

this is my holiday gift to each and every one of you precious angel babies. as always, feedback is welcomed/appreciated! ❤️

also again, i'm still not sure if the glitch with dark mode has been fixed or not but if you're on dark mode, you may have trouble viewing this. I apologize for any inconvenience reading in advance!

At this point you weren’t sure who started it this time. Honestly, you weren’t even sure if one of them had started it, or if it was just another argument carrying over from earlier. You’d given up keeping score in their little competition of who could be more ornery. It used to amuse you. The Devil of Hell’s Kitchen and the big bad Punisher constantly bickering back and forth like an old married couple, muttering under their breath in exasperation at the others' antics, yet still fighting through all that annoyance to come to the other’s defense if need be. If it had been any other night, you might have been entertained. You might have even laughed at how ridiculous they were being. But it was nearly midnight, you were beyond exhausted, and to top it all off, it was absolutely fucking freezing on top of this roof.

Why were you even here again? Oh yeah, Frank. He had sustained a pretty nasty cut to his arm after what was supposed to be an easy takedown had turned into a confounded ambush. You’d received a simple text from Matt’s burner phone a little over an hour earlier that had just consisted of the words “roof” and “kit”. Using your context clues, you assumed he meant his roof. You didn’t even give it much thought before you were bracing yourself against the November chill for seven blocks, letting yourself in with your emergency spare key and grabbing the medical kit from his bathroom on the way up. Patching up Matt was something you were used to by now, but you were incredibly anxious as to why he wanted you to meet him on the roof of his building. Was he hurt that bad? Could he not even make it inside? Should you call Claire?

Your thumb hovered over her number as you ascended the stairs, however as soon as you heard the familiar mix of combative voices, you rolled your eyes and shoved your phone in your pocket. Pushing open the door, you were met with a sight you had become all too accustomed to in the past few months; Matt and Frank at each other’s throats. When they could agree on something and both be level headed, they worked well together. Great, even. But when they disagreed, and were fueled by rage and their own devastating egos, it was like a front row seat to world war three. There were times you’d had to enlist Jessica or Luke just to pry them apart, needing an indestructible wedge between them until they could be civil.

It didn’t take you long to figure out that Frank was the one in need of aid. There was a large tear in his shirt that was normally snug around his bicep, showcasing a jagged view of torn flesh that was dripping violently with crimson. You could make out a few other cuts and bruises that littered his face from the light coming off the obnoxious billboard across the street. It was harder to tell when Matt was hurt, not only because his suit was deep red, but also because he hid it very well. Not that Frank didn’t hide it just as well. They could both be standing in front of you absolutely covered head to toe in blood with visible gashes and holes and still insist that they were fine. There were streaks of blood around Matt’s mouth and nose, but he otherwise appeared to be in good shape. Loudly clearing your throat, you dropped the kit onto the floor by your feet and placed your hands on your hips as both men’s heads whipped around in your direction.

“Can you two pretend to get along for fifteen minutes so I can do what you called me here for, or would you both rather bleed to death on this roof?”

Seven minutes. They made it seven minutes. You had just finished the final stitch on Frank’s arm when a snide comment from Matt had him unraveling in anger all over again. Tonight seemed to be worse than usual. You couldn’t tell if it was due to the pain from their injuries, the exhaustion from the recent sleepless nights, frustration from lead after lead that kept turning into dead ends, a combination of all of the above, or what. They were in each other’s faces, noses barely a centimeter apart, trading insults like verbal punches in an invisible ring. You were shocked Matt had even called you to help patch up Frank with the way his mouth was curled into a glowering snarl towards him, fists bunched tightly at his sides ready to strike at any moment.

“If you had just fucking listened to me-”

“Because you got it all figured out, don’t ya Red? Huh? You think them fancy fuckin’ senses of yours make you better than me? I was takin’ terrorist organizations down overseas while you were gettin’ shitfaced off cheap booze in your dorm, but heaven forbid I walk into a fuckin’ building without your goddamn say so.”

“Goddammit Frank, I can hear things you can’t. Like when there’s twenty fucking men armed with guns in a building that’s supposed to be-”

“Your priest know you use such colorful language? You tell him that when you’re confessin’ on Sundays? You even tell him ‘bout all the people you beat the shit out of for fun? Or you leave all that out, altar boy?”

“This isn’t a joke, Frank. They were armed with way more ammunition than we planned for, and there were more of them than there should’ve been. They fucking knew we were coming. If you would have just-”

“Nah, nah. If you had fuckin’ listened to me, we would’ve been fine. If you weren’t such a goddamn pussy, and let me do what the fuck I need to do-”

As much as you tried to drown them out, their voices only got louder and louder. Rubbing your temples with your index and middle fingers did absolutely nothing to soothe the dull ache that had begun to throb in your head. God, they were exhausting sometimes. It amazed you how much they changed when they were together. Matt was usually more calm and collected, and Frank was usually quieter. As much as they brought out the best in each other when they did get along, they brought out even more of the worst when they didn’t. It was like they both had a perfect blueprint of where the other’s buttons were, and always knew exactly where to press. That dull ache in your head was beginning to glow like tiny embers waiting to spark. Your fingers had gone numb from the cold through the thin latex gloves. Your patience had run out half an hour ago, or long before that if you were being honest with yourself. You were pissed they had the audacity to drag you out of your warm bed in the middle of the night just to act like you weren’t there, waiting for them to finish their childish bullshit. The irritation had been wearing you down from the second you stepped onto the roof and you couldn’t take it anymore.

“Would you both just shut the fuck up already? Seriously? I am so sick of listening to the two of you bitch and bicker about every little fucking thing. I have fucking had it with both of you. If you two can’t get your shit together, I swear to God, I’m going to-”

“What? What are you gonna do, sweetheart?”

If you weren’t pissed off already, the arrogant smirk tugging at the corner of Frank’s lips certainly pushed you over the edge. He cocked his head to the side, staring at you with his dark eyes squinted in levity. One of his thick brows rose in challenge, daring you to continue your rant.

“Aw c’mon, darlin’. Thirty seconds ago you were all big and bad, runnin’ that bratty little mouth of yours. Now you got nothin’ to say?”

“Get your shit together, or I will beat your ass.”

“I think she means that, Frank.”

“No shit? She ain’t lyin’?”

“Nope. Heartbeat’s steady.”

“Well ain’t that cute.”

The teasing tone of Matt’s voice hitting your ears felt like gasoline being thrown on the fire that was already raging within you. A devilish grin stretched over his mouth, showcasing the dimples in his cheeks that you loved so much. Normally the sight of that smile would make you weak in the knees, but right now it infuriated the fuck out of you. Both men were staring at you in complete amusement, smug grins plastered on their faces, and you wanted nothing more than to walk over and slap them off.

“Fuck you both.”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

Matt’s response knocked the breath right out of your lungs, and all your anger with it. Your eyes widened in disbelief as you stared at him, jaw dropping slightly. He had never spoken to you like that. Matt was a natural flirt, that was just his personality. He had definitely said a few things that made you question how he really felt about you, and there were a few “accidental” touches that lingered a little too long, but never anything like that. And certainly never in the voice he typically reserved for interrogating criminals. You were completely stunned in place, brain failing to come up with any kind of response. Even though Matt’s words were phrased as an inquisition, it came out more like a confident statement, like a rhetorical question he already knew the answer to.

“Well?”

Frank’s voice seemed to break the trance Matt had you under, your eyes darting over towards his large figure. Somehow he was now only standing about a foot away from you. When did he get so close? How had you missed that? You were used to Matt sneaking up on you constantly since the man was practically a fucking ninja, but Frank wasn’t as stealthy. He was a lot bigger, moved with more force than precision, and commanded every space he stepped into.

“What?”

“You gonna answer him?”

Frank’s eyes bore into yours as he motioned his head towards Matt, the intensity of his gaze making you feel as if you had shrunk several sizes in his presence. Sometimes you forgot just how big he was, and how menacing he could be when he wanted to. There was something gleaming in the darkness of his eyes that you couldn’t place. His features were set in their usual broody state apart from his mouth that was still slightly curved in a wicked smirk. A sudden shiver descended your spine, but it wasn’t from the cold. Instinctively you took a step back, blinking a few times before staring down at your trembling hands as you removed the bloody gloves.

“I don’t…look just…clean yourselves up. Try not to kill each other, or piss off Matt’s neighbors any more than you already have.”

“Your hands are shaking.”

“It’s cold, Matthew.”

“But that’s not why your hands are shaking. Is it?”

Glancing up, a slight gasp flew from your mouth noticing that Matt was now standing right next to Frank. His head was cocked towards the right, chin jutted out in your direction, studying you intently. You couldn’t see the beautiful honey brown of his eyes that were hidden behind the obsidian lenses of his mask. His voice had dropped even lower, and your stomach dropped down into a pit of nerves along with it. A sobering thought washed over you that your beloved captivating lawyer was not the one standing in front of you; the Devil was. This wasn’t exactly new to you. Sometimes Matt had trouble shifting back into a level-headed state after particularly bad nights, or when patrols left his adrenaline pumping through his veins like rocket fluid. You had witnessed the battle on several occasions between Matthew Murdock and the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen for control. But this was…different. He was eerily calm and still, and it made you nervous.

“This ain’t like you, sweetheart. Bein’ all mouthy, actin’ like a damn brat, not answerin’ questions when asked. Where’s our good girl, hm?”

The mega-watt grin that immediately took over Matt’s mouth could have put that blinding billboard behind him to fucking shame.

“Oh, she liked that Frank.”

“Did she?”

“Should’ve heard the way her heart jumped. You are our good girl, aren’t you angel?”

The connection between your brain and your mouth had been severed. You couldn’t speak. You couldn’t hardly breathe. Your wide eyes flickered back and forth in dumbfoundment between the two men standing in front of you. Surely, you were hearing them wrong. Were they messing with you? Where was all this coming from? What the fuck was happening?

“C’mon darlin’, use that pretty little head of yours and talk to us. Red asked you a question, yeah?”

There was a hint of teasing that laced Frank’s gravelly voice as his eyes remained fixated on you. Your head was spinning like a rogue carousel and your heart was thrashing to break through your ribcage.

“I…I don’t understand-”

“I think you do, angel. You’re a smart girl, but you’re not subtle. We know what you want, and we’re more than happy to give it to you. Isn’t that right, Frank?”

“S’right, Red. We think you’ve earned it, sweetheart. Takin’ such good care of us, puttin’ up with all our shit, always there when we need ya. We’d like to return the favor, darlin’.”

“See angel, the one thing Frank and I absolutely agree on, is how pretty you’re gonna sound when we ruin you.”

Matt’s confession struck your core like lightning and tore a startled moan of desperation from your throat. His grin stretched even further across his sinful lips, a dark chuckle emitting from low within his chest. Frank’s eyebrows rose a hair in surprise, only for a moment, before that crooked, teeth baring smile of his was back on full display. He joined Matt in sinister snickering, like there was some kind of inside joke you weren’t a part of.

“Do me a favor, Red. Put them damn senses of yours to good use and tell me how wet she is right now.”

There was never a battle with Frank. There was never anyone else fighting for control. With Frank, what you saw was exactly what you got. There was no slipping back and forth, no struggle, there was just…him. Unabashed, unapologetic, shameless Frank. He didn’t hide it when he flirted with you. He didn’t mince words, or speak in riddles. He always said exactly what he meant so there was never any confusing his words or motives. He never pushed it any further than playful banter and flirty remarks, but he also didn’t hide behind the guise of friendly teasing. The order he gave Matt caused your brain to short circuit and you were honestly surprised it hadn’t knocked you onto your knees. Matt’s lips parted slightly, just enough for his tongue to meet the air as he inhaled deeply. A satisfied hum sounded in the back of his throat.

“Not nearly as wet as she’s going to be. But she smells fucking divine.”

“Bet she tastes even better.”

“I can’t wait to find out.”

The next few minutes passed by in a bit of a blur. Frank had thrown you over his shoulder like you weighed nothing more than the duffel bag he hauled around, carrying you down the steps into Matt’s living room with haste. Matt trailed closely behind the two of you, quickly removing his gloves and helmet somewhere along the way. Before you could even register being put back down on wobbly legs, two large hands grabbed your face and a strong pair of lips met your own. Frank.

The kiss was full of passion but surprisingly tender, a sigh of relief echoing in your mouth from him. Frank kissed you deeply, but slowly, wanting to savor the feeling and the taste of you. Matt managed to sneak his hand between your bodies, tugging at the zipper of your jacket and pulling it off your shoulders with ease. He pulled down the left sleeve of your thin sweater, trailing his lips along the exposed skin before nipping and sucking at the junction above your collarbone. The scruff of his facial hair contrasted roughly with the softness of his lips and it made your mind even hazier, a moan tumbling into Frank’s mouth. Matt growled lowly, gripping onto your hips and pulling your ass against his front abruptly so you could feel how hard he was through his suit, earning another whine from you. His hand was nearly halfway into your jeans when Frank reached out to grab his wrist, halting his movements.

“Quit bein’ fuckin’ impatient. We got all damn night.”

“You hear the sounds she’s making Frank?”

“Yeah, and I’d like to hear a lot more of ‘em you selfish little shit.”

You couldn’t help but giggle. Here you were, trapped between two of the most feared men in Hell’s Kitchen, with both of their mouths and hands all over you, and they were still arguing. Your giggles were immediately cut off however when Matt’s teeth sunk down into the flesh of your neck, a surprised moan taking their place. Frank lightly grasped your chin between his thumb and index finger, tilting your head back against Matt’s chest as he caught your gaze. His tongue darted out to wet his lips quickly, motioning his head towards you.

“You want this, sweetheart?”

All you could do was stare up at Frank with half moon eyes. Your brain seemed incapable of manufacturing a single coherent thought. You were too wrapped up in how good it felt to be caged between them. How good it felt to kiss Frank, to be touched by Matt, to be desired by them both. All you could do was feebly nod.

“Need to hear it, pretty girl. Need you to tell us you want us too.”

Matt’s grip on your waist loosened slightly, his nose nuzzling against your cheek as he softly kissed the underside of your jaw and whispered delicately in your ear.

“You can say no, angel. We can all walk away right now, pretend this never happened. We won’t be upset.”

“We never wanna make you uncomfortable, honey. Just wanna make you feel good.”

“Would you like us to make you feel good, sweetheart? Take care of you for all the times you’ve taken care of us? Whatever you want, we’ll give you. Just tell us what you want.”

“Please…”

Frank’s large hand loosely wrapped around your neck, brushing his thumb along your bottom lip slowly as he stared down at you with a timid smile.

“Please what, sweet girl? Hm? Use your words. You want us? You got us. We’re yours. Just say the words.”

Matt slipped his hand underneath the hem of your sweater, tracing slow delicate circles along your hip as he nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck. He placed a featherlight kiss to your burning skin, the edge in his voice from earlier now gone as he whispered sweetly.

“We’re all yours, angel. Always have been. Just tell us you want us too.”

Matt and Frank both put an inch of space between their bodies and yours, as if they could sense how difficult their presence was making it hard for you to think clearly. They were giving you an out if you wanted it. You knew this would completely change everything between the three of you. There would be no going back to how things were before. This decision was permanent, and couldn’t be undone. But God, did you want it. You wanted them. You were momentarily suspended in disbelief that they wanted you too, but you were having an arduous time focusing on why they wanted you, when they had come to this agreement regarding you, and what the morning would look like. The only thing your brain could process was the pure, irrevocable yearning you felt.

You trusted Matt and Frank with your life. You knew you could trust them with your body. The safest you ever felt was in their presence. The safest place you could ever be was confined between them. You wanted them. You loved them. You needed to be consumed by them.

“I need both of you, please.”

If either of them heard the aching in your divulgence, neither of them acknowledged it. Matt’s fingertips brushed lightly along your sides as he pulled your sweater over your head, eliciting a domino of shivers throughout your body. Your own trembling fingers gingerly pushed Frank’s torn and bloodied shirt up, careful to avoid his fresh injuries along the way. As you sought out his lips, his large hands maneuvered your hips until you were face to face with Matt, his nose brushing against the column of your throat.

“Help Red outta that damn thing, would ya? Otherwise we’ll be here all fuckin’ night.”

A furrow formed between Matt’s brows and his lips parted to protest, but his words were quickly cut off when you grabbed his face to crash your lips together. His hands gripped onto your waist just above where Frank’s had settled, a satisfied groan echoing on your tongue. Matt’s kiss was hungrier, more possessive and needy than Frank’s, and it made your head spin. As your fingers worked at the zipper on Matt’s suit, Frank’s were swiftly popping the button on your jeans and tugging your own zipper down. He left a searing trail of open mouthed kisses from right beneath your ear to down along your shoulder as his large hand slipped beneath the waistband of your panties. Greedily peeling the material of Matt’s suit off his broad shoulders, you instinctively bit down on his bottom lip when Frank’s index finger made contact with your clit. Matt moaned at the feeling of your teeth holding his lip captive, shoving the rest of his suit off with impressive speed leaving him only clad in black briefs with a noticeable tent.

“Goddamn, sweetheart. You’ve got these completely soaked through. I guess Red was right.”

You could feel Matt’s prideful smile against your own mouth at Frank’s words as you threaded your fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck, pulling him even more flush against your own body. He groaned again in satisfaction at the gentle tug, and you were suddenly curious what other delicious sounds you could pull out of him. Before you could experiment, Frank slipped one of his thick fingers inside of you and a loud moan filled the empty space.

“Fuck she’s tight. Gonna have to get you nice and ready for us, yeah? Think two oughta do it, Red?”

“She’s been such a good girl, Frank. Let’s give her three.”

“Hm, she has, hasn’t she? S’pose that way we both get a taste then.”

Your head fell back against Frank’s chest as he pumped his finger slowly, already rendering you a whiny incoherent mess. You could just briefly register Matt kneeling before you, grabbing the waistband of your jeans and tugging them down your legs. His touch was lighter when his fingers slipped underneath the sides of your panties, trailing them along your skin with more precise teasing. Matt rubbed his nose along your inner thigh, humming softly as he ever so languidly pulled the fabric down your legs, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. He gently brushed his fingertips over your ankles, along the sides of your calves, up the backs of your knees, until he had a firm grip on your thighs.

“Looks awful pretty down there on his knees for ya, don’t he?”

Frank was right. Matt did look good on his knees before you, head tipped back and eyes closed in content, lips parted slightly as he inhaled your scent from the source. Suddenly you wanted both of them on their knees for you. Or maybe you wanted to be on your knees for both of them. You reached out with a trembling hand to grab a small fistful of Matt’s hair, moaning softly as Frank slipped a second finger inside you.

“Look so pretty, Matty.”

Matt’s eyes fluttered open, staring blankly up in your direction as a toothy grin took over his entire face showcasing your beloved dimples.

“Not as pretty as you, angel.”

“I think Red deserves a little treat for bein’ so patient, don’t you sweetheart?”

“Yes, Frankie.”

“How ‘bout that, Red? You want a little taste?”

“God, yes.”

“On your feet. You take over.”

If you hadn’t been so wrapped up in your own pleasure, you would’ve been amazed at how quickly Matt followed Frank’s command without an ounce of hesitation or complaint. You whined momentarily as Frank’s fingers slipped out of you, only to quickly be replaced with Matt’s index finger and his thumb pressed firmly against your clit earning another loud moan from you.

“Open your mouth.”

Once again, Matt quickly complied, parting his plump kiss bitten lips. Your walls clenched around Matt’s finger and a pathetic moan slipped out as you watched Frank shove his two fingers drenched in your slick straight into Matt’s mouth. Matt’s eyes nearly rolled into the back of his head when your taste met his tongue, eagerly sucking every single drop off of Frank’s fingers. Frank grunted quietly near your ear as Matt moaned softly around his digits. It was the hottest fucking sight you had ever seen.

“Attaboy, Red. Tell me how she tastes.”

Frank retracted his fingers from Matt’s mouth slowly, leaving his lips shining with a coat of spit. His hand quickly found its place once again between your thighs and there seemed to be some kind of unspoken understanding between the two as Matt twisted his wrist to make room for Frank’s hand, allowing Frank to take over stretching you apart as his own fingers worked over your clit to help bring you to your release.

“So fucking good, Frank. Sweetest fucking thing I’ve ever had. You’re not gonna be able to get enough.”

“Like I said, we got all night.”

You could die like this, trapped between two walls of soft skin and hard muscle, their skilled hands working together to bring you absolute bliss. You were thankful they had you completely trapped between their chests because otherwise, you wouldn’t have been able to stand. The pleasure was absolutely overwhelming. It was everywhere, all at once, and you weren’t sure if you could survive the fall. You had never felt anything like this. You didn’t even know you could feel like this. That little bubble that normally built up inside you was now simmering like a giant pit of lava inside a volcano dangerously close to erupting. You couldn’t even form the words to warn them, but with the undivided attention of Matt’s senses, you didn’t have to.

“She’s close, Frank. Keep doing that, right there. That’s it…hold her steady. It’s alright, angel. Just let go for us. We’ve got you, sweetheart.”

“Go ahead, darlin’. C’mon, let us hear those pretty sounds. Don’t hold back, honey. Let us have it all, yeah?”

The edge was painfully far away, just within reach. You were so goddamn close. It just felt too fucking good. You didn’t know if your body was holding out because you just couldn’t handle it, or because it wanted more. Just when it felt like you couldn’t make it, suddenly you were exploding into a million little pieces of gratification and being hurled into the free falling space of absolute bliss. Two pairs of strong hands supported you as you spasmed from the force of the pleasure. Two voices echoed praises and sweet nothings into your ears as you floated outside your own body. Two hearts thudded against your back and chest in sync as they adorned you in their affection.

Rough calloused fingertips trailed along your cheekbone tenderly, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear as soft lips traced the shell of your ear.

“Shh. We got ya, sweetheart. We’re right here, yeah? Easy now, breathe.”

Matt wrapped his arm around your lower back, hooking his other underneath your knees as he pried you from Frank’s embrace and lifted you up bridal style, holding you against his chest.

“You’re wearing too many clothes, Frank. Get undressed. I’ll take her to bed.”

You weakly brought your hand up to Matt’s neck, wrapping your fingers around the cross necklace that settled between his collarbones. The metal felt surprisingly cool against his heated skin, and the deep inhale you took to control your breathing filled your senses with his intoxicating cologne. You carefully traced one of the scars on the left side of his chest with your fingertip as you crossed the threshold into his bedroom.

“Matty?”

“Yes angel?”

“I like it when you and Frankie get along.”

“Tell him to quit bein’ such a shithead all the time, and you’ll get more of it.”

“And here I was about to be nice and let you have the first taste, Castle. Why don’t you get on your knees and put that fucking mouth of yours to good use. Don’t keep her waiting.”

Matt carefully set you down on the edge of the bed, moving to sit right behind you with his chest pressed flush against your back. You noticed the commanding tone he used with Frank was the exact same one he used in the courtroom when he wasn’t in the mood for bullshit or rebuttal. For the millionth time that night, you were shocked when Frank simply grunted in response instead of verbally retaliating, lowering himself down onto his knees in front of you. Your eyes widened slightly at the sight of Frank nearly naked before you. You had seen him shirtless a few times when he needed fixing up, but never only in briefs before. The fabric clung to his muscular thighs like a second skin, and it made your mouth water the exact same way it did whenever you saw Matt only in his underwear. Your brows furrowed slightly at the sudden realization that Frank had done exactly what Matt instructed in the living room. Since when did they ever follow each other’s orders? And so easily?

“Spread those legs, angel. Let him see you.”

Frank moved in closer towards you as you obeyed Matt’s order, his broad shoulders pushing your thighs even further apart. His large hands slowly made their way from your knees to your inner thighs, his thumbs tracing the softest circles along your skin. You had always wondered about Frank and what he would be like intimately. For a guy who could take down thirty men with his bare hands without batting an eye, he was incredibly gentle. His touch was delicate and reassuring, like he was afraid he might break you, but wanted you to know he was there. Matt wrapped his arm around your waist to hold you tightly against his chest, his other brushing your hair off your shoulder as he kissed your neck softly. He was more like what you had expected. Dominant and possessive, like he had something to prove. Whether that was to you or himself, you weren’t sure. Maybe it was both. He wanted you to know you were at his mercy, and that you belonged to him. Well, him and Frank.

The only exception to all of Matt’s rules seemed to be Frank now that you thought about it. He was willing to ignore his own moral compass and religious teachings in certain situations involving Frank. He came to Frank’s defense constantly, even if he knew he was in the wrong and would personally give him shit about his choices later. He relinquished control earlier in the living room and followed every single one of Frank’s commands, something he would never do with anyone else. Frank seemed to be the only person Matt willingly submitted to. And despite his overprotective nature, he was sharing you with Frank. Matt seemed to be Frank’s own personal outlier as well. Frank always worked alone. He hated involving other people in what he did, not wanting to deal with the risks and consequences, and just another person in general. It was easier when all he had to worry about was himself. But he had no trouble dragging Matt into the flames at a moment's notice, and never hesitated to reach out to him for help or backup. No matter how much they fought, Frank always purposefully put himself between Matt and whatever threat was coming their way, even if it was just some drunk asshole in a bar trying to pick a fight he knew Matt could easily win. As much as they argued, Frank did actually listen to Matt most of the time, and Matt secretly took Frank’s advice when he knew he was right. They were both just too fucking stubborn to admit that to one another.

“Now who looks pretty on their knees, hm?”

“Frankie does.”

��Tell him, angel. Tell him how pretty he looks on his knees for you.”

You reached your shaky hand out to cup Frank’s cheek, sighing softly at the way he nuzzled his face into your palm. His deep brown eyes were hooded with lust as he stared up at you lovingly, causing your heart to constrict in your chest. He really was beautiful, especially when he smiled. It had taken so long for Frank to open up to you, for you to get to see the happier and more carefree side of him, hear him crack jokes and his amazing laugh. It was always like witnessing some cosmic phenomena, and it made you feel incredibly lucky he wanted to share those parts of himself with you.

“Look so pretty, Frankie. So pretty.”

A lazy grin captured Frank’s lips as he looked at you, turning his head slightly to press a gentle kiss to your palm.

“Thank ya, sweetheart. But I gotta agree with Red here. Ain’t nothin’ as pretty as you.”

“Tell me what you see, Frank. Describe her for me.”

Even though it was a demand, there was an echo of desperation in Matt’s voice. Frank’s eyes softened a little more as they flickered behind you to Matt’s face, the smile faltering on his lips, lingering only for a moment before he let his eyes trail over the expanse of your body. The look was so quick, you would’ve missed it if you hadn’t been paying attention.

“She looks beautiful, Red. So goddamn beautiful. Let me show you.”

Frank spent the next few minutes describing you from head to toe in explicit detail like you were a piece of art on display in Matt’s lap. He gingerly wrapped his hand around Matt’s wrist, directing his fingers along every inch of your body in sync with his own words. Your heart swelled at how gentle Frank was being with Matt, and how much Matt trusted Frank with his own concealed vulnerability to guide him. You weren’t sure if it was your own shuddering breaths or Matt’s that were echoing in your ears at the mix of both men’s hands tracing your skin. Frank’s gruff voice nestled between your thighs as he spoke, as if he was reciting poetry to create a clear picture in Matt’s head. You grabbed onto both of their wrists and squeezed gently, nearly on the verge of tears from how overwhelmed you felt by their shared affection for you and for each other. Matt’s voice was almost hoarse as he spoke quietly.

“Thank you, Frank. Now show her how beautiful she is.”

For the next hour and a half, Frank and Matt took turns on their knees with their heads buried in your needy cunt. They alternated spots, one pressed up against your back teasing your nipples and fondling your breasts with their mouth latched on your neck as they praised you while the other held your hips hostage against their face with your legs over their shoulders, using their skilled tongue to bring you to euphoria.

Frank took his time with you, slowly delving his tongue inside you over and over as his large nose continuously bumped against your clit. His grip was firm, but tender, letting you rock your hips against his face as much as you wanted as you tugged him impossibly closer by his dark tresses. He grunted every time you pulled at his grown out hair and the vibrations had your thighs quivering and sent your mind into a frenzy. He drew your orgasm out as long as he could, groaning against your core as he collected every single drop of the ambrosia that he wrung from you.

Matt tried so hard to take his time with you, but he was so overwhelmed by your scent and his own carnal desire that he couldn’t help himself. He had Frank restrain your hands as he edged you, his grip on your hips almost bruising as he dug his fingertips into your skin. He sucked fervently on your clit, filling the bedroom with obscene slurping sounds as he devoured your pussy. Frank helped hold you in place so Matt could get what he wanted. Every time he could feel you about to come, Matt would slow down and give himself a moment to breathe before diving right back in. He didn’t want it to be over so fast, but he also wasn’t fully able to contain his own selfish need. He would’ve stayed buried between your thighs all night if you let him.

Eventually Frank couldn’t take your pleading cries of his and Matt’s names anymore and lightly slapped at the back of Matt’s head. When he went to pull away again, Frank grabbed a fistful of Matt’s hair and shoved his face right back into your cunt.

“C’mon Red, listen to her. Let her come. You’ve had your fill, you can come back for more later. She ain’t goin’ nowhere. Let her have it.”

As you descended from your third orgasm of the night, your body felt completely spent. Your eyes felt heavy as you struggled to keep them open, not wanting to miss a second of this spectacle. If this was a one time thing, you wanted every part of it burned into your memory for later, because nothing would ever be as good as this. Frank shifted slightly behind you, and you felt the hardness of his cock brushing against your lower back. A slight gasp left your lips once you realized just how long both of them had been patiently waiting for their own attention. Matt had already been completely hard when he removed his suit, and you had felt the bulge in Frank’s jeans against your ass. A spark of energy jolted you awake as you were suddenly filled with the urge to have your own turn on your knees.

Frank’s grip tightened on your waist when he felt you move at the exact same time as Matt’s hands clamped down even harder on your thighs.

“Where you goin’, sweetheart?”

“I…what about you and Matty?”

“What about us, angel?”

“I wanna make you feel good too.”

“Don’t worry ‘bout us, honey. Red here is finally gonna make it to heaven when you let him inside that pretty little pussy of yours.”

“And Frank is gonna be so fucking satisfied when he comes inside you, he might not be a complete asshole for an entire week.”

You tried your hardest to wiggle out of their grasps but it was no use. They were a lot stronger than you, and they weren’t budging. You whined as they both chuckled at your pathetic attempt to escape them, seeking out the erect tent in their briefs with your needy hands.

“But I wanna touch…I wanna taste you both, too. Please?”

“This is s’posed to be about you, honey.”

“No, that’s not fair. This is for all of us, not just me. It’s just as much for you and Matty. Isn’t it? Don’t you want my mouth, Frank?”

“Fuckin’ hell sweetheart, course I do.”

“Don’t you Matty?”

“I’d love nothing more than to fuck your mouth, angel. But I’m afraid right now, I’m way too fucking hard, and I wouldn’t be able to last. I don’t want to come unless it’s inside you.”

“I gotta side with Red on this one, darlin’.”

“But-“

Matt’s hand quickly wrapped around the base of your throat as he leaned in to capture your lips, cutting off your protest entirely. He applied just enough pressure to make your head spin, nipping lightly at your bottom lip before soothing the sting with his tongue.

“Next time.”

Your eyes flew open, grabbing onto Matt’s wrist tightly as he loosened his grip on your neck. He was sitting up on his knees now so that you were face to face, a tender smile tugging lightly at the corners of his mouth. Blinking a few times, you turned your head so that you could look up at Frank.

“Next time?”

Frank glanced down at Matt before looking back at you, a shy smile taking over the left side of his mouth. He leaned in to press a soft kiss to your lips, placing his hand at the base of your neck right below where Matt’s was.

“Next time.”

You immediately gave up on your protest and allowed Frank to pull your body up the bed as he moved backwards. You felt giddy with anticipation, your brain going completely haywire as both of their promises rang deafeningly in your ears.

Next time. There was going to be a next time.

“How you feelin’ honey? Think you can give us one more?”

“Yes…yes anything.”

Matt chuckled lowly at the desperation in your voice as he climbed onto the bed in front of you.

“Such a good girl. Still taking care of us when it’s our turn to care for you. Tell you what, if you help me out of these, you can touch me. But you have to help Frank too. Can you do that for us, angel?”

“Yes, God yes. Please Matty…let me help.”

“Alright sweetheart, go ahead.”

Your nimble fingers dragged Matt’s briefs down his thighs as soon as he finished his sentence, causing you to gasp when his cock finally sprang free and slapped against his stomach. A quiet sigh of relief left his lips. The head was nearly as deep in maroon as his suit and leaking with desire. As you wrapped your hand delicately around the base of his impressive length, a louder declaration of appeasement slipped past Matt’s lips, jaw going slack and hips jolting forward when you swiped your thumb across the sensitive tip.

“Fuck.”

“Easy darlin’, Red’s sensitive. He’s been waitin’ patiently this whole time like a good boy. Ain’t he? Be good to him.”

Matt let out a quiet whimper, and you weren’t sure if it was from Frank’s words or the way you were gently pumping your hand around his cock but it had your walls fluttering either way. You could tell Matt was doing everything he could to not fuck your hand, bottom lip caught between his teeth so hard blood pooled beneath the skin, hips stuttering ever so slightly in time with your movements. His face was a mix of lingering agony and pure pleasure and it piqued your curiosity about just how sensitive he was.

“Are you okay Matty? Do you want me to stop?”

“I…just-shit…fuck that feels good. I-”

“Make him come, sweetheart.”

“Frank-”

“Don’t be stubborn. You’ll be ready to go again in five minutes and you know it. Stop fuckin’ torturin’ yourself. Go ahead and give him your mouth, darlin’.”

“But that’s not-”

“Would you just shut the hell up? You ever stop talkin’? Consider it a goddamn peace offerin’. I can wait. I’m not as sensitive and overwhelmed as you. Just fuckin’ take what you’re given, shit. You’re gonna come in two minutes anyway.”

“God-fuck…fine. You get to fuck her first, then.”

“Pleasure doin’ business with ya. Sweetheart, be a good girl and do as you’re told. Let Red have your mouth.”

You didn’t need to be told twice. As soon as you parted your lips to take the head of Matt’s cock into your mouth, he was shoving himself down your throat. His hands frantically gripped onto your neck and the back of your head, holding your face in place as he fucked your mouth relentlessly. You opened your mouth as wide as you could and hollowed out your cheeks, wanting to provide him as much pleasure and satisfaction as he had given you. The moans and whines of appreciation that tumbled from his mouth were fucking music to your ears. He looked so beautiful above you, head thrown back in ecstasy and eyes squeezed shut in absolute content. A loud slap cut through Matt’s symphony of fulfillment and his eyes snapped open, slowing the pace of his hips considerably as his brows furrowed in confusion. It took a moment for you to realize that Frank had slapped one of Matt’s hands away from your face.

“Slow down, Matthew. I said use her mouth, not suffocate her. Ease up.”

Your stomach clenched at the hardened warning tone of Frank’s voice. It was also the first time you had ever heard him call Matt by anything other than his nickname for him. Something about it seemed so intimate, and it set your insides ablaze. Matt tipped his head down in your direction, clenching his jaw as he struggled to gain control of himself.

“Fuck…sorry angel, I’m-shit…God just feels so fucking good. Your mouth is so warm…soft. Shit- if this is what your mouth feels like…God-”

You hummed in response, giving his thigh a gentle squeeze and beginning to bob your head to signal for him to keep going. It only took a few more thrusts before warmth coated the back of your throat with a vengeance over and over as Matt finally climaxed. You thanked whatever God was listening that you got to witness the exquisite sight above you of Matt Murdock having an orgasm. It made butterflies erupt in your belly thinking about how soon you’d get to witness the exact same phenomena with Frank Castle.

Matt fell back onto his heels as his chest heaved, panting like he had just ran a fucking marathon. A swell of pride filled your chest as you swallowed every single drop he had offered you, a newfound wave of confidence settling in your veins at the sight of him disheveled before you knowing that you had done that to him. You had brought the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen to his knees and rendered him breathless. And you had no intention of stopping there.

All night, both of them had been trading control with each other, taking turns in making demands. You weren’t in the mood to trade or take turns. You were in the mood to take.

As you turned around to face Frank who had a cocky smirk on his lips, you channeled all the power surging through you and shoved roughly at his chest until his back hit the mattress. His body bounced slightly from the impact, the arrogance long gone as his mouth fell open in surprise.

“Take those off.”

“Sweetheart-”

“I said take them off, Frank. Be a good soldier and follow your orders.”

Frank’s jaw hung suspended in disbelief. His eyes widened at your command and his pupils dilated slightly. Shock was written clearly across his features, but he obeyed anyway. The second his briefs were down his thighs, your hand was wrapped firmly around his massive cock and he grunted lowly in response.

“You both asked me what I wanted, didn’t you?”

“Yes but-”

“And I said I wanted to touch, didn't I? That I wanted a taste of my own?”

“But we agreed-”

“I changed my mind. You both got to play. It’s my turn. You’d never deny me, would you, Frankie?”

“Angel, we all agreed-”

“Shut up, Matthew. I wasn’t speaking to you. I asked Frank. Frankie, baby?”

“Fuck, course not.”

A cheshire grin split your lips as you slowly worked Frank over in your hand, reveling in the feeling of his velvet heaviness in your palm. His eyes were trained directly on you, watching your every movement. Besides his lust blown pupils and parted lips, he wasn’t giving anything away. The man had been trained to withstand all kinds of torture with an impeccable poker face, but you weren’t having any of that.

“Good. You’re always so good to me, Frankie. You’ve treated me so well tonight, and I know you wanna keep doing that. Don’t you? You wanna fuck me, don’t you?”

“Yes, sweetheart.”

“Then you’re gonna let me play. I can’t have one of my boys taken care of, and not the other. Matthew gets a pass tonight. He was so worked up for so long, and we know it’s hard for him to keep control sometimes. But you’re very good at control, aren’t you Frankie? You’re gonna let me have what he wouldn’t?”

“Yeah…whatever the hell you want.”

“Good boy. Matthew, sit next to Frank. No touching, just listen. You better be ready to go by the time Frank comes in my mouth. Do you understand?”

“Yes…I understand.”

“That’s my good boy. You’ve both made me so proud tonight. Getting along, taking turns, being so good to me, being so good to each other. When I get done with Frankie, we’re all going to get what we want. I can’t wait to have you both. I’ve wanted both of you for so long. Just be patient a little longer, Matty. Let me take care of Frank. He hasn’t gotten to come yet tonight, and that’s not fair to him. Is it?”

Matt crawled around you towards the headboard, settling back against the pillows next to Frank as he stretched his legs out. His chest was still rising and falling rapidly, tongue darting out to wet his lips as his eyes darted back and forth blankly. His cock was already half hard as he shook his head slowly, lightly fisting at the sheets beside him.

“No…no it isn’t. Let him. He deserves it.”

If you could take a picture with your eyes, you would frame the magnificent sight before you above your fucking bed. Frank and Matt, in all their nude glory, shoulder to shoulder beneath you, mouthwatering cocks standing at full alert waiting for your attention. It was impossible not to be filled with condescension when the two most powerful men in all of New York that could easily tear you apart with their bare hands were willingly submitting to your dictation.

Frank stared you down as you lowered yourself between his massive thighs, wrapping your lips around the swollen head of his cock to take into your mouth. He sucked in a deep breath, thighs tensing beside your head as you took him deeper. He was bigger than Matt, which was to be expected due to his stature, but you were determined to fit as much of him into your mouth as you could. You took your time at first, swirling your tongue around the tip slowly before sliding him back down against your tongue. You marveled at the shuddering breaths released from his mouth, but you wanted more.

“Don’t be shy, Frankie. I wanna hear your pretty sounds too.”

It hadn’t taken much to figure out Matt was the more vocal of the two, but you were adamant about breaking Frank’s composure. A quiet grunt sounded from him as you squeezed your hand around the section of him that wouldn’t quite fit in your mouth.

“Tell her how it feels, Frank.”

Matt sounded almost breathless as he spoke, and his eyes were wild with hunger as you glanced over at him.

“Feels good, sweetheart. Feels real damn good.”

“C’mon Frank, you can do better than that. It’s just us. Let it out like I know you can.”

Matt’s words had a fresh wave of arousal slicking your inner thighs. You had so many fucking questions for them. There was clearly something here you were missing. Something they were keeping from you, and you desperately wanted to know everything. Frank’s eyes never left yours, and they were growing darker by the second as if something was brewing behind them. It made your stomach twist with anticipation. You flattened your tongue against the slit on his tip, sucking fervently on the head as your hand twisted around the rest of him. Frank groaned loudly as he weaved his fingers through your hair, giving it a gentle tug.

“There you go. You can pull harder, she likes that. Don’t you angel?”

You moaned in response around Frank’s cock, causing him to let out a heavy grunt as he pulled roughly at your roots. His hips had started to shift upwards in rhythm with your movements, and you’d let him do whatever he wanted as long as he kept making sounds like that.

“Goddamn. You know how to use that mouth, yeah? Shit-no wonder he came so fast.”

“Just think about how good the rest of her is gonna feel. How pretty does she look right now?”

“So fuckin’ pretty. Fuck…wish you could see her. Looks so goddamn good with those pretty lips wrapped ‘round our cocks. Wish we could trade eyes for a minute.”

Only Frank Castle and Matt Murdock were capable of saying such filthy words that also simultaneously warmed your heart. Matt’s lips curved upwards in a delicate smile composed of pure admiration, and it made you melt. You reached your hand out that wasn’t working on Frank to grab onto one of Matt’s, lacing your fingers together and squeezing gently. Frank choked out a moan of surprise when you suddenly took him as deep as you could, feeling his tip brush against the back of your throat and holding him there for a minute until you had to come up for air.

“Fuckin’-shit…do that again. Fuck please…please sweetheart.”

Bracing your palm against Frank’s thigh, you took him once again as deep into your throat as you could, forcing yourself to breathe through your nose. A cry of your name tore through Frank’s chest as he gripped roughly onto your hair, and all at once a steady stream of heat coated the back of your throat. Frank bucked his hips slightly as you swallowed around him, squeezing Matt’s hand tightly as Frank released himself from your mouth.

“Fuck, I want next.”

“Jesus Christ you insatiable bastard, you already had your goddamn turn.”

Matt threw his head back against one of the pillows as he burst into a howl of laughter, bracing his palm against his chest.

“That was before I knew she could do that.”

“Well if you hadn’t been so fuckin’-”

“Boys, please. We’re not finished here.”

“I need a minute, darlin’. Think you just sucked the fuckin’ soul outta me, Jesus.”

Matt absolutely lost it, doubling over in a fit of laughter as your cheeks flamed with heat at Frank’s words. You couldn’t help but giggle, trying to cover your mouth as Frank shot you an insincere glare coupled with a coveted smirk. You hadn’t even noticed Matt had moved behind you until you felt his hands on your waist and the warmth of his breath on your neck.

“Alright, sweet girl. How about you and I start, hm? I bet Frank will be ready to go once he hears those pretty noises of yours. Besides, he likes to watch.”

A sudden gasp flew from your mouth as Matt guided you to straddle Frank’s hips, wondering how the hell he possibly knew that about Frank. God you were reeling with questions.

“I thought he was fucking me first?”

“That was before he got to come. He’s not left out anymore, is he?”

“I…no.”

“Castle?”

“Go ahead. Be with ya in a minute, sweetheart.”

Frank shot you a wink that would’ve made you fall to your knees had you not already been on them. Matt placed his palm on your lower back, pushing gently so that you were bent over Frank slightly. Frank grabbed onto your hip with one hand, his other coming up to brush his thumb along your cheekbone slowly as he stared up into your eyes. The tenderness and desire in them was so dizzying, it was almost overwhelming. You gripped onto Frank’s shoulders as Matt carefully pushed the blunt head of his cock past your folds, gasping sharply at the slight burn of the stretch.

“Shh…I’ve got you. Just relax for me, sweetheart.”

Matt’s lips brushed delicately along the shell of your ear, and you took a deep breath to steady yourself. A slow moan cascaded from your mouth as he sank his entire length into you, his hand gripping tightly onto your other hip. Matt rested his forehead against your back for a moment once his hips were flush against your ass, an incredulous moan emitting from him.

“Breathe, honey. He’s gonna take care of you, yeah? Ain’t gonna hurt you.”

Frank grunted quietly as you dug your nails into his shoulders, leaving crescent shaped indentations as Matt fucked you slowly from behind. Matt had brought his other hand up to loosely wrap around your throat, pressing his front firmly to your back so there wasn’t even a centimeter of space between you. Matt growled in your ear and it had you clenching around him tightly.

“Fuck sweetheart…feels even fucking better than I ever imagined. So warm…so tight. Take me so fucking well, angel. So fucking well.”

“Matty…”

“You can take Frank too, can’t you?”

Your eyes flew open and you stared down at Frank almost in panic. Matt made you feel so deliciously full. You could feel every ridge and vein as his cock dragged along your walls. You stared down into Frank’s eyes anxiously, all your confidence from earlier seemingly evaporating from your pores. Frank smiled softly up at you, leaning in to brush his lips against yours.

“S’okay if you can’t honey. If it’s too much, s’alright.”

Could you handle them both? The thought seemed ridiculous. Your body was designed to push out a small human, of course you could. But you were nervous. Your cunt had a vice grip on Matt, and Frank was bigger. It would burn, but God it would feel so good once that sting went away. You couldn’t imagine having one without the other. Not anymore. You wanted them both.

“Please Frank…I-I can. I can.”

Matt pressed his cheek against yours as his hand tightened slightly around your neck, digging his fingers a little harder into your hip.

“That’s our girl.”

Frank searched your eyes for any hesitation. He pushed your legs further apart with one of his knees, grabbing the base of his cock and rubbing the head against your clit a few times. Your body jolted forward at the sensation and Matt groaned loudly in your ear.

“Gonna have to move her a bit.”

“Here.”

Matt pressed his hand against your back until you were laying flat against Frank’s chest, putting his knees on either side of Frank’s. He grabbed onto your hips firmly, raising them a bit so that your back was arched slightly and your ass was pressed against his lower abdomen. Frank gripped onto your waist, pressing his forehead against yours as he positioned himself beneath you.

“Deep breath, sweetheart.”

As Frank pushed the head of his cock through your folds to join Matt, your mouth dropped completely open. Matt stilled behind you as Frank eased his entire length into you inch by spectacular inch. Your mouth still hung open, but you couldn’t make a sound. Your eyes nearly rolled into the back of your head, and you had to squeeze them shut as you tried to remember how to breathe. A burning sensation seared between your thighs as they both stretched you apart from the inside. It felt like they were fucking splitting you in half. It was almost too much. Matt’s fingers loosened around your throat and his deep voice echoed in your ears.

“Breathe, angel. Let us know when we can move. Take your time.”

You sucked in a gasp of oxygen like you had just emerged from the pits of the ocean. They were everywhere. You could hardly tell where one of you ended and the other began. Frank leaned in to kiss you softly, cradling your face in his large hand. Matt once again slipped his hand between you and Frank, carefully tracing circles over your clit to combat the pain with pleasure. You had never felt so full. So content. So loved.

One of your hands reached behind you to grab onto Matt’s neck as your other gripped onto Frank’s shoulder. You experimentally tried rocking your hips, crying out from the sting of the stretch and the jolts of pleasure that followed.

“God…please…please…”

Matt and Frank started to move their hips in tandem slowly, keeping an intricate pace as you adjusted to having both of them inside you. It was unlike anything you had ever felt before. You slowly felt your muscles begin to relax as the tension dissipated, your body feeling looser as pleasure began to overtake the pain.

“How’s that feel, sweetheart?”

“So fucking good, Frankie.”

Frank’s lips stretched into a proud grin as he brushed his nose against yours, holding your face in his large hand.

“Knew you could, honey. Didn’t we?”

“We knew you’d take us so well, angel.”

Matt pulled back slightly as he felt you getting more comfortable, and your body accommodating them both more easily. He situated himself on his knees behind you, gripping onto your waist tightly.

“Now, ride him while I fuck you.”

Without warning, Matt started snapping his hips against your ass as he drilled into you from behind. A strangled moan of surprise bellowed from your chest, and Frank reached out to grip your waist to hold you steady. You braced your palms flat against his broad chest, whining loudly as Matt pistoned relentlessly inside you. His hand came down hard against your ass and he growled in your ear.

“I said ride him.”

“You heard him. C’mon sweetheart, take what’s yours. Make yourself come on my cock. Show us what a good girl you can be.”

You had half expected Frank to come to your defense like he had throughout the night, but it was like you were back on the roof. Frank was backing Matt, and you had an overwhelming desire to please them both. Gripping onto his shoulders, you began to rock your hips back and forth against his quickly, struggling to find your rhythm with the way Matt was fucking you roughly.

“Matty…please…”

“Move with me, angel. You can do it. Come on, make us proud.”

Frank held onto your waist with one hand and folded his other arm behind his head, staring up at you with the biggest grin on his lips. He was barely moving his hips, letting you do whatever you wanted above him. Matt was right. He did like to watch. He had been letting you and Matt take control for the most part, and right now all you wanted him to do was lose it.

“Please Frankie…please fuck me. Please fuck me like Matty…please…I need your help. Can you fuck me like him?”

Frank’s eyes darkened considerably at your words, and you could hear Matt snickering darkly behind you. Maybe you were wrong about Matt and Frank. Maybe Matt was the one that didn’t hide what he was. Maybe Frank was. Matt hadn’t held back once this entire night, but Frank certainly had. Maybe you didn’t know Frank as well as you thought you did. Maybe there was a part of himself he was concealing. Whatever it was, Matt clearly knew what you were in for better than you did.

“Come on, Frank. She wants to play with the Devil and the Punisher. Let her have it. She’s a big girl, she can handle it. We said we’d ruin her, so help me ruin her.”

Your heart pounded so quickly in your chest you thought it was gonna give out. Frank wasn’t smiling, he was smirking. But it wasn’t the crooked mischievous one you had come to love. No…this one was sinister, and it sent a shiver down your spine.

“Alright, sweetheart. You asked for it. And whatever you want, you get.”

Frank gripped roughly onto your waist to lift your hips before he began to snap his own upwards against yours at an almost inhuman pace. A scream flew from your mouth as he fucked up into you roughly in perfect harmony with Matt who was repeatedly railing into your from behind. You couldn’t form words. The sounds coming from you were downright pornographic and salacious and barely coherent. You grabbed onto his forearms for support and dug your nails so deep into his skin you were shocked you hadn't drawn blood. All you could do was hang on as Frank and Matt did exactly what they promised; they absolutely fucking wrecked you.

The grunts and moans coming from both of them were feral and almost animalistic, tearing from the most primal depths of their chests. They were both gripping and kneading at your flesh with such ferocity, like they couldn’t feel enough of you. You were eager to see the marks they had left tomorrow morning. Frank repeated over and over how good you were, showering you in praise that starkly contrasted with the way he was fucking you. Matt’s fingers never once left your throat, occasionally applying just enough pressure to make you lightheaded. He poured indecent and filthy words into your ear about how perfect you fit around his cock and how badly he wanted you to come so he could fuck you all over again.

It was beginning to be too much. You couldn’t even hold yourself up on your knees anymore. The only reason you hadn’t collapsed was because Frank still had you suspended above him.

“You gonna come for us, sweetheart?”

“Yeah she is. Any minute now…right angel?”

You couldn’t speak. Couldn’t even nod. All you could do was hang on and fall further and further into Matt Murdock and Frank Castle. Matt chuckled lowly as he pulled your head back against his chest by your neck, brushing his nose along your cheekbone as he inhaled your scent.

“Think we’re fucking her too good, Frank. She can’t even talk.”

“Goddamn if you could see how she looks right now, Red. S’alright pretty girl, we got ya. Go on and make a fuckin’ mess on us. Don’t you dare hold back, yeah?”

“Hold her steady like that Frank. I got her.”

The second Matt’s finger made contact with your clit, you combusted. Your pussy clenched so hard around both of them that it almost hurt. A blinding supernova exploded behind your eyelids and your body suddenly became a live wire, convulsing with every tiny spark of touch. Your lungs burned as you struggled to breathe and all at once you felt like you were floating and made of lead. The distant echo of Matt loudly moaning out your name and Frank howling deeply for you rang in your ears. Your heart fluttered at the thought of your insides being turned into a breathtaking mosaic as the two men you loved most in this world painted you with the most intimate parts of themselves.

There was an irrefutable peace that settled in your bones once your body stopped shuddering. It felt like you were floating in the middle of the ocean. All the noises around you were jumbled, like your head was underwater. You could just barely make out two voices calling your name. The midnight sky above you was suddenly flashing neon purple and blue, and the twinkling constellations drifting around in front of you morphed into two sets of eyes swirling with deep hazel and dark cocoa.

“There she is. Had us worried there for a bit, sweetheart.”

Frank’s voice was clear in your ears now. As you blinked the haziness away, both him and Matt finally came back into view. The light from the billboard outside Matt’s apartment was projecting a kaleidoscope of violet and cobalt on the ceiling. You had no idea how long you had been incoherent, but the expression on both of their faces and Frank’s words had you blushing profusely.

“Hi.”

Your voice was hoarse as you spoke. It didn’t even sound like it belonged to you. Both of them exchanged a knowing glance, Matt’s mouth splitting into a wide dimple showcasing grin as he chuckled.

“Hi pretty girl.”

“You alright? Was that too much?”

“I’m amazing. That was…perfect.”

”Hell, I think we can all agree on that. We were worried you weren’t comin’ back to us for a minute there though.”

“I’d never leave you two. I’ll always come back. Promise.”

“Frank, could you grab her a glass of water?”

“Sure thing, Red.”

A tender smile spread across your lips at the way Frank squeezed Matt’s shoulder before making his way out of the bedroom. Matt tilted his head in your direction, eyes fixated almost on yours as he smiled in response. His hand came out to gently cup your face, brushing his thumb lightly along your cheekbone.

“Where did you go?”

“What?”

“We did lose you there for a few minutes. We kept saying your name, but you were somewhere else. Where did you go?”

“The stars. Another universe, I think.”

Matt laughed out loud as his grin stretched even further over his mouth, moving to lay beside you as he propped his head up on his other hand.

“We missed you.”

“I found my way back as soon as I could.”

This was the most at peace you thought you had ever seen Matt Murdock look. His hair was disheveled and out of place and his cheeks were lightly twinged pink, but the smile that graced his mouth was absolutely blinding. He looked…happy. Genuinely happy. You couldn’t help but surge forward and capture his lips in a deep kiss. You could feel his smile against your mouth and the warmth of his skin as his hand settled on your waist.

“Round 2 already? Shouldn’t we wait for Frank?”

“I love you, Matty.”

Matt’s smile faltered only for a second, his eyes widening at your confession. His lips parted as if to speak, but nothing came out. The bed dipped behind you, and you turned your head to see Frank’s gaze shifting between you and Matt.

“I think you broke him. What’d I miss?”

“I love you, Frankie.”

Frank stilled momentarily, swallowing thickly as he brought the glass of water to your lips and placed his hand on the back of your neck as you gulped generously.

“Sweetheart-“

“Wait…just, let me speak. I mean it. I love both of you. I think I always have I just…if this is a one time thing, that’s okay. I just wanted you both to know. Tonight meant the world to me. I’ve never felt so…happy. No one’s ever treated me so well as you two have and…I really do love when you two get along. I hope that’s not part of this “one time deal” thing. So, Matt Murdock…Frank Castle…I love you. Both of you. If tomorrow morning you both decide you want to act like this never happened-“

“The hell you talkin’ about? Didn’t we say there’d be a next time?”

“Well…yeah but that was-“

“Angel, this isn’t a one time thing. I don’t know about Frank, but I can’t go back to before. Not after I’ve finally had you. It's not a one time thing for me.”

“It ain’t for me either.”

Silence hung heavy in the air after the weight of your confession settled. You suddenly felt self conscious about what you had just admitted, and the urge to run away had your fingers twitching at your sides. Matt tenderly wrapped his hand around your wrist, a gentle smile tugging at the corner of his mouth as he stared in your direction.

“I love you, angel.”

Frank slipped into bed beside you, draping his arm lazily over your waist as he brushed his nose along your jawline and pressed a soft kiss to the edge of your mouth.

“And I love you, sweetheart.”

Your eyes darted frantically between the two of them, still trying to wrap your head around all of the events that had transpired tonight.

“So…what now?”

“I don’t know ‘bout you two, but I’m fuckin’ exhausted. I say we get some sleep.”

“Frank’s right. It’s been a long night. Let’s get some rest. We can talk in the morning.”

“I’m sorry…did you just…say Frank was right?”

“Don’t start. I’m too tired to put you in your place, and I don’t think you can handle any more than what we’ve already given you.”

Matt’s tone submissed you into complete silence. Frank chuckled lowly beside you, and you caught his smirk as you met his gaze. He gave a light shrug of his shoulders as he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.

“He may be tired but he ain’t bluffin’. If there’s anything he can do better than take a beatin’ it’s give one. I suggest you behave, sweetheart.”

You closed your eyes for a second as you pressed your thighs together, and Matt groaned loudly beside you. Frank laughed as he pulled the covers over the three of you, snuggling close into your backside as Matt pulled your leg over his waist to get you as close as possible to his chest. For several minutes, you all laid there in comfortable silence, enjoying the feeling of Matt and Frank’s warmth against your skin and the sound of their steady breathing with a promise of more bliss tomorrow.

“Goddamn, you weren’t kiddin’ about that fuckin’ billboard. You ain’t ever thought to get some curtains?”

“Why would I have a use for curtains, Frank?”

A loud laugh escaped your mouth at Matt’s deadpan before you had a chance to stop it, and Frank’s hand suddenly clamped over your mouth.

“Obviously they ain’t for you, shithead. What about us?”

“Fine. We’ll look at curtains tomorrow. Happy?”

“Fuckin’ peachy.”

Thirty seconds. You had thirty seconds of more comfortable silence before they were back at it.

“You’re fucking joking, right? I mean you can sleep through bullets and explosions and the desert sun, but a billboard is where you draw the line?”

“It’s right there in the goddamn window, Matthew. For fucks sake, you got a fuckin’ rave goin’ on right now. It might not bother you-“

“Well obviously it can’t bother me Frank-“

“Boys, please. Frankie, you’ve literally slept in far worse conditions. Matty…it is a bit much. We can deal with it tomorrow. Can we please go back to you two being nice to each other and cuddling?” Both of them grunted halfheartedly in response, but it made you smile nonetheless. Because they were your boys. Yours. And no matter how much they drove you, and each other, absolutely crazy, it was all out of love. You loved them. They loved you. Nothing else really mattered.

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theweirdwideweb · 3 months ago

Note

we want the work blowout deets

I'll give you the tea but it will be lengthy and I'm going to cry.

Thank you for asking anon. To be honest with you I've been crying in bed about it for the past couple hours. I stood up just now and went to the bathroom and saw two big wet patches on my smiley face tshirt and it sucks so much. I'm so sad.

I could really use some feedback on this situation to be honest. OK. So the long story short is that I got a new supervisor a year ago and my work life has been hell ever since. First off, she doesn't understand what I do. She's never done my job. And she is THE micromanager from hell. For the first 7 months of the year she had me turning in a time card every week showing everything I did down to 5 minute increments. I turn the spreadsheet in on Friday, then every Monday we'd have a meeting where she'd tell me she just doesn't understand how I use my time. Why did it take so long to do X amount of invoices? She estimates it should take 2 minutes per invoice, but it took me 4 minutes per invoice. Like I said she knows nothing about my job and as many times as I've explained it she still "doesn't get it." It was demoralizing, nerve wracking, and frankly so insulting to my competence that I went to her boss (my old supervisor who I love). When she did nothing I went to HR with serious concerns about discrimination----it's no coincidence that I was granted some medical leave at the beginning of the year to address mental health concerns.

Yada yada yada, we made some changes and I don't have to turn in the spreadsheet anymore, but she is still making me email her every week with a list of tasks I didn't complete from the week before. It's still insulting but at least she agreed I'd only have to do it for another 3 months. Actually she said 1 month, but she's such a bitch that by the next HR meeting she claimed she never said 1 month and switched it to 3 months. She's a fucking moron, reader. She's dead fucking stupid. I really can't stress that enough. Dumb. It took her 15 years to get the position I got within 3 years of starting. The only reason she's where she is is seniority, personal relationships with management, and being a fucking bully. A dumb bully! Telling you how to prioritize your work! She's accused me recently of being unprepared for a meeting---a meeting that I hosted, provided all the material for, wrote all the notes on, fleshing out a new process she told me to start implementing but had zero idea how. She just tosses ideas at me and I'm left to figure out any kind of practical way to do it because---AGAIN---she doesn't know how to do my job. There've been other things too. She's a sneak humiliator. She's a button pusher. She's a moron. A big fat ugly moron who looks like Roz from Monster's Inc.

So on Thursday at 4:30pm, end of the day, suddenly a meeting with HR and this cunt appears on my calendar for 10am Friday (yesterday). I'm like---well here we go. She's either going to fire me or put me on a formal PIP. I'll be honest with you, I'd already decided to quit but I was holding out for my bonus in December. I entered the meeting feeling tranquil. I thought, "Do it. Pull the trigger. I'm ready for the end. Just fire me. Let me go. Release me."

But when the meeting starts it's just a touch base with our HR rep to see how everything is going. Are YOU fucking KIDDING me. Anyone would have thought the same thing I did. Of all the things my supervisor sucks dicks at, communication is the worst of all. She can't even spell. She can't string a sentence together. I mean it's shocking she writes at like a 6th grade level. I've seen emails she sent that are so garbled they are literally incomprehensible.

So I'm PISSED. I express how nerve-wracking the previous evening and all morning had been. We're off to a great start. She lets me know she's going to try to end the email process early. OK good. She tells me she's concerned because I haven't been providing personal feedback to her when prompted. Easy enough to explain: I hate your fucking guts, I'm trying to be a grey rock until I can quit. But I can't say that so I'm just like Alright.

Now here comes the bullshit! 1) She now wants me to ask permission in advance to work on weekends. I'm so overworked and stressed out I work like every weekend and now she wants me to ask her permission for the privilege of working on my day off. Guess who's never working a weekend for this company again. 2) The emails that just contain a list of tasks, right? Was 1 month, now 3 months, etc. She also changed the rules so that I have to provide a count of all the claims I processed across multiple platforms. And well---she just doesn't understand how I processed X number of claims and it took this long. In fact, she said, she counts 8 hours reported on my timecard she can't account for last week.

I lost it. I was openly hostile and belligerent. Fuck this fucking bitch. I cannot work for this vile idiot anymore. I actually used my IRL voice to poke holes in what she was saying and pointing out how fucking stupid it all is. Then she comes at me for not respecting her authority. As a reminder, just minutes before she'd complained about me having no feedback for her.

I left the meeting by refusing offers for additional time with the HR rep. I was in no place. I barely worked the rest of the day I was so upset and I didn't send my email, didn't complete my tasks, and didn't ask her permission to finish it up on the weekend (lol). I don't have another job lined up but this is the last time she's going to question whether I'm just straight up lying on my timecard or some kind of moron. That's it. This is her 100th strike for me.

Now here's why I'm so conflicted. 1) My previous supervisor (now my boss's boss) is going on a leave of absence like THIS WEEK for about a month and a half to treat her cancer. I care about her very much. I don't want to stress her out at the last second like this. 2) My bitch boss is also having a sudden serious health problem requiring her to be at the hospital multiple times a week. 3) On top of that, this stupid fucking cow has to take over my boss's boss's work while she's out for cancer. 4) They are absolutely fucked without me. For me to leave right now is a disaster. Add to that---the one person I manage and have a 100% rock solid relationship straight up told me that she's going to quit at some point and that if I quit she's walking out right behind me. She said this to me unprompted and I discouraged her from quitting. 5) I have a heart. The boss and the boss's boss are both having life problems that are more important than work. I think it's immoral to leave them in the lurch right now. They have serious health problems. As much as I hate my boss, at one point we were friends. My heart is breaking.

So I'm crying in bed. I can't live this way anymore. Toxic work stress has taken over my life. I get so miserable, but then some days it's just a job. It's a job I know how to do. I've been here 6 years. The health insurance is spectacular. I've got nothing lined up. I have adequate savings to get through a couple months of unemployment, but it's no guarantee I'll find a position that suits me in that timeframe. I have all these personal relationships at work (a mistake I will not repeat). I've let this job become part of my identity. I'm getting older. I'm 37 and I'm tired and I'm crazy and I just want peace. This position is fully remote---what if the next guy makes me work in person? My whole life will change. I just want this job to work like it has been for the 5 years before she took over. I'm so sad. I've felt this way so many times.

I want to quit first thing Monday. But I want to offer them the option of staying on until good boss gets back from cancer leave, so long as I don't have to work with illiterate cunt boss any more than is absolutely critical in the meantime. What do you think guys? My heart is breaking.

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definitelynotstable · 1 year ago

Text

Missed You [Price x fem!Reader]

AN: First Price fic!!! He is literally the loml and I've been too scared to write him so hope I did him justice. Lmk what you think!

Synopsis: You're undercover in Amsterdam when your cover is blown. Injured and alone you try to locate Price and Gaz before it's too late. Hurt/comfort. Word count: 1.6k Warnings: Wounds, blood, medical inaccuracies, canon typical violence and canon divergence. Price x fem!Reader (Callsign: Ferris)

✧˚ · .

You‘d been undercover for months. Months and the intel you’d provided had saved countless lives but undercover work always had an expiry date.

And that date was today apparently.

You knew you were pushing at the boundaries when inquiring after Hassan Zyani. But Laswell seemed desperate and time was tight. But here you were now, soaked to the bone and bleeding out in the middle of Amsterdam. Word was Gaz, Price and Laswell were in the city – you just had to find them before they reached EXFIL.

The sun was getting low in the sky and your short swim in the canal hadn’t exactly warmed you. The cobbled streets were slick underfoot and you hugged the buildings bordering the footpath. Gun shots and screams echoed from the street up ahead and you quickly made your way in the direction of the chaos.

A woman ran into you, blonde hair flapping in the wind. She apologised hastily in both Dutch and English, too distracted to notice as you ease the long coat from her arms. You wait for her to disappear behind a corner before shrugging it on.

There’s a bullet still in your torso somewhere and every movement sends a flash of pain which radiates up through your spine. The coat covers most of the blood which has steadily bloomed across your navy shirt – not quite dark enough to disguise the stain.

You duck behind a tree as more shots ring out. You’re wounded and unarmed – if this isn’t Price, Gaz or Laswell you’re toast.

A man dives past you, tackling a man in a black leather jacket to the ground. He’d wearing a beanie and brown jacket with a woollen collar and a beard – a beard you’d know anywhere. Price.

A man with a darker complexion but similarly dressed, squats next to the two on the ground and injects something into the neck of the man Price is holding down.

Together, the two of them lift him up and you’re able to identify Gaz as well.

“Watcher, time to move.” Price speaks into an earpiece and you step forwards, legs wobbling beneath you. Both men look up as you come out from behind the tree, their target hanging unconscious between them. The captains eyes widen as he sees you. “Ferris?”

He reaches a hand out to steady you, hand landing on your shoulder as his eyes sweep across your form. You breath deeply, pushing away the urge to collapse.

“Yeah,” you manage, “yeah – Laswell said you were in town,” you turn to Gaz and give him a smile, “you too.”

Gaz reaches out and gives you a pat on the arm, “good to see you.”

People are still fleeing the scene and time is limited. Price flicks you a concerned look. “EXFIL isn’t far, think you’ll make it?”

You swallow, mustering up every drop of remaining energy you have before nodding. “Anything for a free ride.”

Price eyes you for a moment before looking at Gaz. “Let’s go.”

You trail him and Gaz down a few streets before you reach a corner where a silver sedan has pulled up. Through slightly fuzzy vision you make out Laswell behind the wheel. Gaz shoves the target into the back seat while Price eases you into the front before joining the two men in the back.

“Kate.” You say to the woman beside you. “Hope this isn’t s rental.”

Her eyes snap down to where your arm is curled carefully around your waist. “Fucking hell, Ferris.”

Gaz leans forward and thumps the back of Laswell’s seat, throwing a worries glance out the back window.

“We gotta go.”

The last door in the back slams and Laswell floors it.

✧˚ · .

It’s dark when the car pulls up to the safehouse ad your head is lolling between the back of the seat and the window. Laswell goes between glancing at you and the road, her spare hand reaching over to grip your knee.

“We’re almost there,” she says, voice calm but you know the coat is no longer hiding the blood. She moves her hand down to cover your own which is definitely not putting enough pressure on the gaping hole in your side.

“John?” She asks, throwing a glance over her shoulder at the man sitting behind you, “Can you reach Ferris? She needs to put pressure on that wound.”

The captain swears under his breath and you groan as the lever to the side is pulled and your seat slides back. A callused hand grips your wrist, pulling your hand aside before replacing it – firmly.

“Ah fuck,” you hiss as the heel of his palm digs in to the wound, you weakly grab at his forearm but it remains solid against you.

“Sorry, love.” Price responds, sounding gruff, “it’s this or bleed out.”

You suck in a sharp breath, “not sure there’s much left anyway.”

Price growls, “how long ago were you hit?”

You glance at Laswell, “When did I call you?”

“Ten-hundred hours,” she replies, glancing at you again, “christ, it’s been that long?”

You don’t respond, you’ve slumped forward, head to the dashboard – out cold.

✧˚ · .

You don’t fully resurface till you’re inside the safehouse. Voices murmur around you and things clatter as someone clears the table – laying you down.

A hand cups the back of your neck.

“Gaz, get us a pillow or something, will ya?”

There’s shuffling sounds and suddenly your head is being lifted and then lowered onto a softer surface.

You blink, shapes and colours hazy in the warm lighting; coming into focus slower than they should. Someone hovers over you, Price.

“Gave us quite the scare.” He says, easing the coat aside to asses the damage. “Surprised you’re not dead.”

“Real helpful,” you cough with a wince, glaring up at him, “just fix me up, won’t you?”

“Working on it.”

Gaz hands him a pair of scissors from the med-kit and he carefully snips away at your shirt.

“Hope this wasn’t a favourite.”

You huff out a laugh, ignoring the ache it ignites. “Hole in it now anyway, and a bit of a stain – if you squint.”

Price chuckles, peeling the fabric away from your bloody skin. “Any exit wound?”

You shake your head, raising an arm to drape over your eyes in order to resist smacking the Captain’s hands away as he douses the wound in an anti-septic solution. You let out a slew of curses under your breath and he raises his eyebrows.

“Quite the vocabulary.”

“You learn a word or too working with smugglers,” you quip back, gritting your teeth.

He thoroughly cleans and sanitises the wound before calling Gaz over. Laswell’s somewhere, probably on a call with the higher ups or interrogating the HVT.

“You’re better than me at this stuff, kid.” Price says, handing the sergeant a pair of gloves and some tweezers, “I’ll hold her down.”

“Fucking hell.” You roll your eyes, lip wedges between your teeth. “I am not looking forward to this.”

Price comes to stand by your head, he swipes a thumb over your lips. “Bite this instead.” He slips something soft between your teeth – his glove.

He moves down the table to stand on the otherside, opposite Gaz. The young sergeant looks up, brow furrowed. “We might need Laswell for this.”

Price shakes his head, “She’s busy, doubting my strength, Gaz?”

“More like overestimating mine,” you scoff, before flashing Gaz an encouraging look. “I’ve lost too much blood to put up much of a fight – have at it Gaz.”

The Captain reaches over and pushes the glove back between your lips. “Bite.” He says sternly, “you’ll need it.”

You glare back at him but comply as he settles an arm across your legs and grasps both your wrists in the other.

Gaz looks to you, “Ready?”

You nod.

✧˚ · .

The pain is white and hot but lasts for only a minute. By the time Gaz has dug out the bullet, you’re panting and sweaty. Tears sting at your eyes as the firm grip on your wrists loosens and a hand comes up to cup your cheek.

“Good job.” Price murmurs, thumb stroking your cheekbone, “That’s my girl.”

Gaz, ever the professional, ignores how your face crumples and you curl into Price’s touch. He instead busies himself with threading a needle before nudging the Captain and offering it to him.

Price takes it, giving him a pat on the back.

“Thanks Gaz.” You mumble hoarsely to the younger man who smiles and tousles your hair as he passes.

“Good to have you back, Ferris.”

With Gaz gone, you turn back to Price, sniffing. He pushes your hair away from your sweaty forehead and kisses your cheek.

“Almost over, love. Just some stitches and you’ll be right as rain.”

You relax against the table. Stitches are a walk in the park compared to earlier.

“Make them neat,” you stress and Price laughs.

“Luckily I had a good teacher.”

He ties off the sutures and dresses the wound before discarding of his latex gloves. He wraps an arm around your waist and eases you up of the table, half-supporting, half-carrying your to a room nearby. He lowers you down onto a single bed in the corner, tucking the covers around you and taking a seat on the bed beside you.

“I missed you.” You confess, eyelids heavy. “So much.”

“Me too.” He admits, eyes creasing with a small smile as a hand cards through your hair. You sigh softly, allowing the rhythmic brush of his hand lull you to sleep. Your eyes have already fluttered shut when he whispers again.

“More than you could imagine.”

✧˚ · .

Masterlist

#captain john price x reader #captain john price #price x reader #captain price #john price #captain price x reader #captain price x you #captain price x y/n #captain price x female reader #kyle gaz garrick #call of duty #141 x reader #call of duty fanfic #call of duty fic #call of duty fluff #cod mw2 #task force 141 #fluff #cod fanfiction

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effy-writes · 6 months ago

Note

Hii!! I really love your writing and I saw that you're taking requests

WARNING up a head

I would like to know if you would be okay with writing a scenario involving Fizz and Ozzie with a reader (female or gender-neutral) who has epilepsy. The reader has been experiencing frequent seizures due to getting less sleep, stressing over work, missing a few doses of their medication (meds were pricey and they felt like a burden to them), and eating chocolate that was gifted by a coworker (they'd feel bad for declining), despite being aware that it's a trigger factor.

I've been going in and out of the hospital for the past 2 months due to high fever (after I fell off the stairs and hit my head) and seizure monitoring and despite being an adult, I feel like a burden to my parents because they have to look after me and pay for everything (and I try to skip a few days of meds to make them last a little bit longer) 🥲🥲🥲

And if you ever feel uncomfortable writing this, you can just ignore it! Mwah, have a good day/evening, loves!!

holy shit are you okay 😭😭 and thank you for requesting! and also thank you for the compliment!

also i didn’t know if you wanted one shot or HC so this is like a little bit of both i think

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fizz x GN!Epileptic! Reader x Ozzie HC

•You haven’t been epileptic your whole life. It all started when doing a performance at Ozzie’s and fell off a platform and hit your head. Obviously, your polyamorous relationship with Fizz and Ozzie were worried sick about you. They took you to a hospital straight away (and since it’s hell, it was a pretty sucky hospital), all they said was that you had a concussion.

• Going back to Ozzie’s house they made you take things slow and refused to let you do things. It was killing you though. Everyone at Ozzie’s loved your performances and the customers paid lots of money to go see you, and because of your injury you obviously can’t perform. So, customers ended up not going.

• You felt extremely guilty for it, but Fizz kept reassuring you that him and Ozzie aren’t mad. They just want you to get better.

•Well, things got even worse. A few days later you had a horrible fever. You felt so weak to even talk and your skin was burning up. Ozzie was the first to notice this. He took your temperature and was horrified whenever it came out to 105° F, which is a deadly fever. He immediately got Fizz and they took you to the hospital yet again. Since you’re an Imp they didn’t care, but after Ozzie showed his true form they took you seriously and monitored you.

•That same day Ozzie had to go to a very important Hell meeting so he left Fizz with you. He realized you looked worse even though they gave you IV medicine. When he saw your body shaking and eyes rolling back he freaked the fuck out. He called out for some nurses or doctors and they quickly gave you seizure medicine to stop the seizure. Obviously you were “blacked out” for this, so you don’t remember much. Fizz on the other hand was hyperventilating and got worried sick. He couldn’t call Ozzie because of him being at the meeting, so he held your hand and told you it’s going to be okay while you’re asleep.

•After some very expensive days at the hospital they officially diagnosed you with Early Post Traumatic seizure. Basically epilepsy. The moment you got this information you broke down. Ozzie rubbed your back while Fizz squeezed your hand. It hurt them to see you like this. The doctors prescribed expensive seizure medicine to take daily to prevent more seizures.

•Finally you were able to go back home and hoped things would go back to normal. Ozzie paid for the medication while Fizz reminded you to take them. The next couple of months the seizures became less frequent and almost disappeared.

•You were still able to perform (after months of begging, but they soon gave in because they saw you haven’t had a seizure in a while). However, Ozzie made a deal with you. You can only perform on Friday and Saturday nights and made it “seizure friendly” (basically on those days they refuse to show flashing lights), and because of those seizure friendly days more people started showing up because they also have epilepsy!!

•Your polyamorous relationship anniversary is coming up and you wanted to do something special. And lucky for you, it landed on a friday. You’ve been preparing this for months, you wanted it to be something completely different and wanted it to be special. However, you could only practice the dance with the backup dancers super early in the day (like 4 am) so Ozzie and Fizz won’t see what you’re getting up to. You’ll sneak out of the bedroom and head on down to Ozzie’s and meet the backup dancers there to practice.

•Because you’ve been getting less sleep and you’re stressed out fixing up this anniversary present, your seizures have been acting up. The first incident was that you were walking from the bedroom to the kitchen (and you stood up too fast) and immediately fell back down as your body compulses. Ozzie was already in the kitchen making breakfast and once he heard something (more like somebody) and saw you shaking he took action and turned you on your side just in case if you throw up. He also grew in size and placed his hand underneath your head so it wouldn’t keep hitting the ground repeatedly. Ozzie kept it cool, but Fizz was hyperventilating (this dude worry’s so much because you mean everything to him).

•You didn’t know how much your medicine costs until Fizz pointed it out. He didn’t mean any harm, he just said “Damn, this shit is more expensive than the Demon Driller 5000.” And yes, that’s saying a lot. He meant it as a joke and didn’t know it made you feel guilty. You wanted to skip the meds, but since Fizz keeps track of it you had to come up with a plan for him to not helicopter you.

•It was actually pretty easy, you told him you wanted to do things yourself and he respected that boundary. You hid the medicine and only took it twice a week, which definitely didn’t help your case.

•Both of your boyfriends were worried sick about you and wanted to take you to the hospital but you always declined (you even got mad at them because of it. You meant no harm but because of the stress and having to deal with seizures just made you on edge).

•At work a coworker gave you chocolate because the anniversary was coming up soon. You didn’t want to eat it because you really didn’t want to have a seizure since they hurt so much. But, you’re a people pleaser and you ate it. Soon enough, you had a seizure 30 minutes later (not while performing because Fizz and Ozzie begged you to not perform once you’ve been seizure free for 2 months).

•After that one, things got heated between you and your boyfriends.

“Is everything okay, babe? We’re so worried about you.” Ozzie rubbed your back.

“I am. Just stressed and tired because of these seizures.”

Fizz laid his body across you and Ozzie, his head on your lap. “Is that all? Or is there something more?”

•You kept it a secret for so long and it sucks because the anniversary is this friday and you really wanted it to be special. So, you told them everything, including skipping meds.

“I haven’t been sleeping a lot and I’m stressed because I’ve been working for months on this stupid performance for our anniversary.” You huffed. “And I may or may not be taking my meds.” You winced.

“WHAT?!” Ozzie yelled, but lowered his voice, “What? Why?”

“It’s too expensive and I feel so guilty that you have to pay and I feel like a burden.”

Fizz shot up, “You’re not a burden! We love you so much and want you to be healthy!”

“Don’t worry about the money, babe. I got it.”

“And sorry for spoiling the surprise.”

“Eh, I figured you were up to something.” Fizz smirked.

“What? How?” You laughed.

“I know you. I knew you longer than Ozzie.” He kissed your nose. “I can tell when you’re keeping secrets. But I’m VERY pissed at you for not taking your meds.”

“I know, and I’m sorry.”

Ozzie combed through your hair with his fingers, “Don’t ever apologize, and don’t ever skip your meds. I’m flattered you wanted to do a special performance for us, but we also care deeply about you. You’re not a burden, you’re our lover.”

#helluva boss #cross posted on wattpad #helluva boss x reader #fizzarolli x reader #asmodeus x reader #fizz x reader #ozzie x reader #polyamourous #gender neutral reader #no use of y/n #fizzarolli headcannon #asmodeus headcannon #asmodeus #fizzarolli

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porcupine-girl · 1 month ago

Text

I realized today that I've been blaming my writing going all to hell on covid. And that's definitely part of it - wisps of brain fog always linger for several weeks afterward, and I find it significantly harder to think of the word I mean for things than it was a couple of years ago.

But I realized today that something else happened at the same time:

I got covid for the first time in July 2022.

And my kid went into 7th grade a month and a half later.

Why is this significant?

Because 7th grade meant switching from elementary to middle school. And while the elementary school had an after school program that meant he got home between 5-5:30pm, the middle school had no such program. He stayed after for clubs, but they were only twice a week for an hour, and not the entire school year. They usually didn't start til October and ended in April.

My brain does not turn on properly until 2-3pm most days. This is just how it works. When I was in grad school (before having a kid, and when my husband lived in another city), I would go to campus and work 3pm-10pm many days, it was great. That is perfect.

Having a kid fucked this up, because suddenly my most productive time of day is filled with dinner and bedtime and such. When he started elementary school with this after school program, that helped because at least I had 2-3 hours a day after my brain turned on and before he got home.

Suddenly middle school is here, and he started getting home by 3:30, 4:30 when he had clubs (which again, was not most days). So suddenly I went from 2-3 hours of work time to an hour at most, and sometimes even when I thought I'd get that hour he'd show up at 3:30 because robotics club got cancelled.

Now high school is the same way - thankfully, his bus ride takes a while (he rode his bike the half mile to the middle school), so even though they get out at 2:30 he doesn't get home until 2:55. But this means I have no work time at all before he gets home and I have to start keeping on top of him to get homework done and practice cello and etc etc etc. The one extracurricular he's done so far, film crew, hasn't even been after school! First they were meeting from 7-9fuckingPM three days a week, then the past few weekends they've been filming 8am-5pm Saturdays & Sundays. Which means I do get time without him on the weekends, but my husband is home and sometimes he's even not working and expects me to do things with him because it's the only chance we get, since he's working most evenings.

So anyhow. I knew this was annoying, but I only realized today how bad it was because I was actually up and medicated and showered and dressed before 2pm (this is a constant struggle on days I don't teach, once again I'd been getting it under control and then covid hit), but I had trouble getting anything done 2-3pm because of the whole but he'll be home in less than an hour, whatever I do I'll have to stop in less than an hour thing that you KNOW renders many of us with ADHD completely useless. And this was the first time I realized that I lost those vital 2-3 work hours every weekday at the exact same time I got covid the first time, and I think that has impacted me more than I'd even realized.

ETA: I should mention that before I got covid the first time, I was actively preparing to query agents for some picture books, as well as about halfway through a middle grades novel, and had published two articles in kids' magazines and was actively querying to get more. Aside from the way my fanfic output has slowed to a trickle, I have made almost NO progress on ANY of these professional writing attempts. What time I do manage to spend on work stuff, I have to use on teaching, because shit will actually happen if I don't get teaching stuff done while if I don't get writing done absolutely nothing happens.

#pg irl #I am seriously considering whether I should take a semester off from teaching because of this

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rogersideup · 1 year ago

Text

Nice to be Kneaded

Chapter 15

Everything will be Okay

series masterlist

Previous part: Cinnamon Roll Next Part: Crawl Home to You

Word Count: 6,979

Warnings: My blog is 18+ only. All minors or blogs without an age in bio will be blocked. Minors DNI. Mentions of medical equipment, loss, abuse, PTSD, anxiety and depression.

"This is the worst thing I've ever done" Steve complained, puffing out short winded breaths as he worked at the table opposite you.

He decided he wanted to learn how to bake bread after watching you do it so many times. The patiences and techniques behind the art intrigued him, and there was no one better to learn from than you, the best of the best.

You laughed as you watched him struggle to knead the dough on the floured counter facing yours. His cheeks were turning pink and his dough was still shaggy and lumpy, he was completely envious of yours already becoming smooth and bouncy. "Don't look at mine, it's unfair to you. I have experience, comparison is going to kill all your confidence."

"My arms hurt" Steve emphasized.

"Your arms pulled an in-flight helicopter into the top of a building, and single handedly ended World War II. I'm pretty sure they can handle an artisan loaf, Baby." You smiled.

"How long have we been kneading?" He puffed out.

You peaked at the clock, "mmmm, 3 minutes."

"How long do we need to do this?"

"Usually 10"

"Okay, well, you must have arms of steel because this is impossible."

"I believe in you!" You encouraged him. "Use the heels of your palms, push the dough out then pull it back. You can even go diagonally, side to side."

"You're not even out of breath?" He noted in disbelief. "I feel like I'm asthmatic again."

"Do you need an inhaler? I'm sure I can find you one" A giggle slipped past your lips.

"You're a super soldier." Steve stated, his arms coming to a stand still to take a break. "There's no way someone can just do this."

"Here, let's swap. I got a good start on this one so it'll be easier for you." You said walking over to his side of the table, and taking over his dough while he moved over to yours.

"See, much easier. Now I'm a bread master!" He exclaimed, working with your dough that was already almost completely smooth rather than his shaggy mess.

"I knew you could do it! Great job, Stevie" You smiled.

"Thank you, thank you." He accepted your compliment.

A comfortable silence fell between you two as the sound of music filled your ears, you were obviously very concentrated on fixing the monstrosity of a dough pile Steve had left you.

It was sticking to every square inch of your hands, yet also incredibly crumbly and dry. You had no idea how he even went about creating such a substance, but you sure as hell were going to make it work, and you definitely weren't going to say anything about it.

He knew it wasn't correct, it was written all over your face but that made him happy. Watching you try to work with the crumbly goo with furrowed eyebrows and a smile that you tried to hold back warmed his heart, you were always so kind and encouraging.

"So..." Steve broke the silence.

"So?" You acknowledged.

"I was thinking."

"Oh gosh, that's scary..." You joked.

"Our anniversary passed not too long ago..." He mentioned, causing you to look up at him with a fond look on your face.

"That was six months ago" You pointed out, unsure if not too long was the proper description of how much time had actually passed.

Once all of the scary bumps that came along with establishing a new relationship were smoothed out, unlike the dough beneath your hands, your relationship with Steve was so smooth it glided by effortlessly and fast.

The concept of time since the blip in general felt quite odd, it felt like five years had passed by in the blink of an eye, yet the way of living with only half the population was so normal and routine now you couldn't imagine a time in which you lived a normal life before the blip.

That's exactly how you felt about your time with Steve as well. He moved in permanently next door, then before you knew it his lease was up and he moved in to your house. The spaces that were once yours were now yours and Steve's.

Four and a half years deep into your official relationship with the man and you couldn't even remember a time in which his easel wasn't always displaying a half completed work of art in the corner of the living room and there wasn't a Captain America suit tucked away in the very back of the closet, hiding away in a garment bag.

The two of you created the simple, care free life of your dreams. One in which the biggest struggle you faced on the daily basis was keeping the bakery stocked despite the ever growing crowds, and missing Steve whenever he was away on business to the compound in New York.

"So our anniversary is coming up!"'He enthused.

You laughed at his change of words, "only six months away!"

"Can you believe that four and a half years ago I waltzed in here for a cookie, and that simple choice single handedly changed both of our lives?" He questioned.

"Wow, kneading bread makes you so philosophical." You noted. "What a great choice you made, just goes to show that cookies really are the better part of life."

"You're the better part of my life, sunflower." He purposely cheesed causing you to look back up at him once more.

"How sweet" You acknowledged. "If my hands weren't covered in dough I'd reach up and boop your nose."

He laughed while he continued kneading your loaf that he was definitely going to claim as his now. "Maybe we could spend our half-anniversary in New York?"

Steve was going through a phase in which you could've never ever predicted, he hated going up to the compound now. He dreaded work trips, he hated how cold his room in the compound always seemed to feel, he despised all the memories that came to mind when he walked around.

From what you could understand through multiple conversations about this, he just didn't like being away from you. Being away from you when the blip happened and having no control over your arrest traumatized him in a way he would never admit, but in a way you could see in his eyes every time he had to leave town.

Regardless of what it was that made him resent the compound so much, you knew that it was a whole lot easier for him when you tagged along. So now he found a lot of creative reasons to try and drag you to New York.

Each reason was more creative than the last, and you said yes every single time he asked. At this point in your relationship, you were pretty sure you've spent over four months time in New York and it was starting to feel like a second home.

"You know you don't really need a reason to get me to New York right?" You smiled. "I'd love to spend our half anniversary with you, and I'll go with you to wherever you need to go."

"But coming up with a reason is half the fun" Steve admitted.

"Is this fun?" You questioned, motioning to the dough in your hands.

"This is exhausting!" He answered honestly, earning a laugh from you.

"You know what I love about going to the compound with you?"

"That Nat is there?" He questioned.

"That I get to learn about all the cool things you do for once. It's like going to the Avengers bakery and kneading the Captain America loaf!" You explained. "But yeah, I do love seeing Nat."

Steve giggled at your analogy, loving every second of watching your skillful hands try their absolute hardest to make his faulty dough pile work. "I'm always worried that you might be bored whenever I drag you with me."

"Bored?!" You emphasized. "My love, I'm a civilian in the Avengers compound. There's absolutely nothing boring about that."

"Okay, so next week you'll come with me?" He asked just to make sure.

"Of course" you reassured.

"Woohoo!" He shook his shoulders and hips in a little happy dance, hands sill focused on the dough. "Best day ever!"

You laughed at his response, "if this is the best day ever, then I think we should get out more."

"Okay, now is your chance to be honest with me." Steve prompted. "Does that dough lump have any potential at all of becoming anything close to a loaf of bread?"

"You know I love you very, very much?" You smiled, batting your eyelashes.

"Of course I do." Steve giggled.

"We're gonna have to squish this." You told him honestly. "But the bright side is that you're doing so well kneading that loaf, it'll be the prettiest, glutinous loaf to ever come out of this kitchen!"

"You said that so nicely, I'm not even upset about it" Steve shrugged, prompting you to smile.

You walked over to him and rocked up on your tippy toes before smacking a kiss to his cheek. "You're wonderful, we'll try again soon."

Before you knew it, you were right back in New York, smack dap in the compound. Whenever you were here you completely understood that Steve was here to work, so you never expected him to keep you entertained by any means. So you always brought your laptop and took care of business from the comfort of his room or the living room depending on what him and Nat were up to that day.

And 100% of the times you stepped foot into the Avengers home, whoever was lingering around always asked for you to bake them something, and you were always happy to say yes.

This particular night, Nat requested a chocolate chip cheesecake. After going to the store to get everything you needed, making all the parts and popping it in the oven, you started to do the dishes.

Muscular forearms wrapped around your stomach from behind, and the front of Steve's body warmly pressed against your back.

"How's it going, baby?" He questioned.

"Good, almost done in here." You responded while enjoying every second of his embrace. "How are you? Sleepy?"

"So tired." He confirmed. "I have a few hours of work left to get ready for the support group tomorrow but I think Nat is wrapping up for the night. You'll be okay?"

"Of course, I still have to input payroll and enter the supply delivery invoice for the bakery so I have plenty to do." You grinned, wiping your hands off so you could turn around to face him. When you did, you couldn't help but to admire him. His hair, his cute outfit, the fond yet tired look in his eyes. Reaching up, you squeezed his shoulders to try and relax his tense posture as his hands made their way to your hips. "You're so beautiful."

His cheeks turned pink before dropping his head onto your shoulder. "You're beautiful-er."

"Why does it have to be a competition? Just accept your handsomeness and move on" You giggled at his shyness, even after four and a half years together.

"Becauseeeee" he complained. "I'm lucky to have you, and I'm so happy you're here. Then, you're always really nice to me and all the people here that I love and I just can't even process how sweet you are."

You smiled before you both mutually leaned in for a kiss. "I promise you that I feel like the lucky one."

"Impossible." He shook his head in denial with his cheeks stilly adorably rosy. "Thank you for baking for us."

"Anytime, you know I love it."

Steve nodded in agreement. "I'll see you in a few hours?"

"I'll be here." You gave his shoulders another good squeeze. "We'll get those pretty eyes of yours some good rest."

By the time Steve finished up work and made his way back to the living quarters, it was already way past the bedtime he subconsciously made for himself to keep up with living with a baker. 10 at night felt like he had pulled an all nighter, and it seems as though that's how you felt as well considering he found you and Nat asleep on the couch.

Empty plates on the coffee table with Oreo crumbs being the only evidence of the cheesecake you made hours prior, and a movie that Steve had never even heard of playing on the TV provided the only source of light in the big space.

You and Nat had obviously gotten close and comfortable with each other, the shared blanket across your laps and your head plunked over onto Nat's shoulder with her head on top of yours made Steve smile and feel endlessly happy.

As much as you loved Nat, Steve knew Nat needed every drop of love and friendship you could give her. You both knew she was struggling ever since the blip, she spent every waking moment trying to monitor the world and find a solution. Steve didn't even know she was capable of settling down enough for even just a few hours to be able to fall asleep while watching a movie in the first place. You weren't just his sunflower, but everyone's who was lucky enough to earn your love.

Though he hated to break up the adorable scene in front of him, he was just as tired as the two of you evidently were and knew he should get you to bed.

He started by waking up Nat considering you were stuck beneath her. She was a light sleeper so it didn't take more than gently shaking her arm to wake her up, and she came to her senses quickly enough to immediately recognize what Steve was about to do.

"Good morning." Nat grinned, not lifting her head from the top of yours.

"Morning." Steve smiled. "Any chance I could get my girl back so I can send you two off to bed?"

"No. She's mine now." Nat denied. "Shes so cute and cuddly like a little puppy."

"You can have her back in the morning, but if she doesn't get some real sleep she gets a little grumpy." Steve bargained.

"Fine, but she's mine tomorrow. We're gonna go run some errands and grab lunch together."

"That sounds great, you could use a few hours away from this place." Steve encouraged.

"Just for that comment, I'm staying home." Nat joked.

"I will literally pay for both of you to go get your nails done if that means you'll get some fresh, non recirculated air." Steve sassed.

"A manicure and I get to take your girl out? Sign me up." She continued joking.

"The only conditions are that you go get some sleep and let me have nighttime custody of her so that she can get some sleep too."

"You're such a dad." She stated while carefully nudging your head off of her shoulder, then slowly standing up when she had successfully moved you off of her.

"Can I get you anything before you head off to bed?" Steve checked in.

"No, I'm okay. Thank you." She approached him and squeezed his shoulder before he just pulled her in for a hug anyways. "Goodnight, Rogers."

"Night, Romanoff." He reciprocated before letting go and she walked off into her room.

Now, he had you. His precious little lump on the couch. The dishes on the coffee table could be taken care of in the morning, and the TV would auto shut off in an hour or two. So he picked you up and held you tightly in his arms, and you immediately snuggled into neck.

He could tell you woke up at some point considering you started leaving little kisses to his exposed skin before he made it to his room. You were already in your pajamas ready to go, so he gently laid your down on the bed before he changed into some pajama shorts and brushed his teeth before laying down next to you.

Surprisingly, you were still awake and quick to pull the blankets over the two of you as you settled into each other. Appreciating the warmth of his soft bare skin, you laid your head on his chest and wrapped your arm tightly around his stomach, hand resting on the side of his rib cage.

You placed a little kiss to his collar bone before propping yourself up a bit on your arm to spark up a conversation you needed to get off your mind before you could truly get some restful sleep.

"How was the rest of your day, honey?" You questioned as one of his hands slipped up the back of your crewneck, the other drew little circles onto your hip.

"It was okay, pretty routine." He responded softly. "How's Nat doing?"

"That poor girl needs to get a life away from all of this." You sighed.

"I know" Steve nodded in agreement. "It's really hard to take a step back when you feel directly responsible, but it's not healthy. I've been encouraging her to get out more but she doesn't listen."

"I invited her to stay with us in Greenwood in a few weeks, hopefully she takes me up on that." You moved your hand up to his chest.

"That would be really fun." Steve grinned. "Did you have fun tonight?"

"Mhm, I mostly worked the whole time though." You admitted. "I actually wanted to talk to you about something before we sleep."

"What's going on?" He asked, you could tell he was paying a little closer attention now.

"So I ran some numbers on profit and what not, and just for shits and giggles I reached out to my lender and contractor to see if this was even a possibility when I had the idea but now that it's looking very possible, I wanted to see how you felt about this..."

"About what?" He raised an eyebrow in anticipation.

"What would you think about me opening a second location of the bakery?" You asked.

His face immediately lit up in a big smile. "Darling, that's incredible! You should absolutely do it if you feel comfortable enough."

"I do feel really good about it." You confirmed. His happy response made your heart soar. When you first opened Nice to be Kneaded, your last partner ridiculed you every single day. He thought the idea of owning a business would simply be too much of a challenge for you. He told you that you'd never succeed, that it would go under and cause debts for the rest of your life. Though you were at a point in your relationship with Steve where you never doubted his ability to be a kind person, his kindness still made you happy every single day. "The reason I really wanted to ask you is because I was advised the best location to break ground in would be New York."

His big smile grew even wider, and the corners of his eyes crinkled with adorable smile lines. "Are you for real?"

"Yeah" you giggled at his response.

"That makes me so happy!" He pouted his lip and furrowed his eyebrows. "I'm so proud of you."

"So I take it that you think this is a good idea?" The smile never left your face.

"I think it's the best idea you've ever had." He exaggerated.

"Then I guess I'll give it the green light first thing tomorrow morning." You settled the issue then settled back into his body.

The two of you talked for a little while about what life would look like with another bakery in New York. Both of you traveled back and forth so often now that dividing your time between two places was already second nature. He even pitched getting the two of you an apartment somewhere between the city and the compound so you both felt more at home when away from Greenwood. Though you loved the idea, you encouraged him to let all these thoughts settle for a day or two until you had a better idea on the logistics of this new endeavor. Besides, it was already late and you were both tired, there was nothing you could even arrange until the morning.

Though you felt settled and completely relaxed snuggled up to him, you played with his hair and tried to get him to relax too. You could feel his tension, but it was normal. No matter how exhausted he was, if he was at the compound his mind was busy and never quite turned off. His thoughts shifted from the happy thoughts of a future where the two of you hopped from bakery to bakery, big city Avenging to a small town simple life to something that had nothing to do with the sweet girl in bed giving him the most delightful cuddles he could've ever wanted.

You knew he was enjoying spending time with you even if his mind was up in the clouds, his hand that never stopped drawing shapes into your back told you that loud and clear.

"What are you thinking about, love?" You asked.

He let out a sigh and his eyes never left the ceiling, then his lips pressed into a straight line, then a forced grin and he finally looked at you. "What do we do if we can't find a way to undo what Thanos did?"

"What do we do," You motioned to the two of you "or what do the Avengers do?"

"Both. Either." He said, desperate to hear the right answer he couldn't find.

"Well I think both have the same answer." You shrugged. "Acceptance, then moving on."

He gave you the most adorable stink eye you've ever seen, so cute you had to hold back a giggle. "Why does everyone say that?"

"You preach it every time you hold a support group, no?" You questioned.

"That's different."

"How so?"

"Civilians aren't responsible for what happened, they deserve to live their lives exactly how they would if this never happened." He explained.

Whenever he spoke about the situation, you could feel a genuine pain in your chest. His feelings about the snap were like a rollercoaster. Some days, he could see the benefits, he could almost understand why Thanos did what he did. He could go about his day with acceptance, go to sleep with the intention of continuing to rebuild tomorrow. Then sometimes he'd wake up that next morning feeling the weight of every blipped person on his shoulders. As if he was the one who decided this needed to happen. That weight seemed to double every time he was in New York.

So with an ache in your heart, you tried to put a bandage over his. "Right now are you looking for the truth, or are you looking for reassurance?"

He groaned at your level-headedness, before shoving his face into your neck. "I'm looking for anything or anyone to just tell me it's going to be okay."

Understanding now that he needed reassurance instead of actual logical advice, you caressed the back of his head with your hand and used your other arm to hold him safe and sound against you. "Of course it's going to be okay, sweet boy.

"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be so... grim, I just- I have to be strong all day every day for everyone else and sometimes you're the only one who can be strong for me." He admitted.

You kissed the top of his head a few times before providing the words he probably really needed to hear. "Life was okay yesterday, and the day before that, and it'll continue being okay tomorrow, and every day after that just like it has been for the past five years. Nobody blames you for what happened, and all of you guys deserve to move on too, not just civilians. The ground is still under your feet, the sky is still above your head and I'll never leave your side. The sun and moon are still taking turns, so I'm pretty confident when I say that everything is fine."

"That was great" Steve mumbled into your neck.

"Yeah? You feel any better?" You questioned with a smile.

"Mhm, I'm gonna use that in the support group tomorrow."

You smiled, though he couldn't see it before squeezing the back of his neck. "I love you, you're not going to bring back half the population from bed."

"I love you too, should I get up?"

"Go to sleep" You whispered directly into his ear, earning his sweet laugh that you loved so much.

"You first, traitor." Steve said playfully.

"Traitor?! Why am I a traitor?" You asked, feigning offense.

"You we're cuddling Natasha and not me." Steve fake cried.

You laughed before stating "Excuse me?! You've kissed Nat before, so I don't want to hear anything about my cuddles, sir!"

"Ugh?!" Steve was immediately taken back. "She kissed me and it was for a mission! Don't even start with that!"

You couldn't help but continue laughing at how flustered that statement made him. "Poor, Stevie! Your cheeks are so pink."

"I miss 10 seconds ago when you didn't bring that up." He pouted, a smile prevailing past his attempts to pretend like this conversation wasn't funny. "It was a life or death escape situation and we've never done anything romantic since then, okay?"

"I'm not bothered, baby" You continued smiling while prying his hands away from covering his face. "Were your bothered by our cuddles?"

"No, not at all." He denied. "I actually thought it was really adorable, I was just joking."

"And I think it's really cute that you and Nat shared a smooch" You pinched his cheek between two fingers.

"She implied that I was a bad kisser, by the way." Steve giggled. "So, neither of us enjoyed that experience."

You laughed at the confession before cooing, "awww poor, Stevie. Did that hurt your pride?"

"It wasn't a fair assessment, I wasn't ready for it." He defended himself.

"Exactly, you're a great kisser." You smoothed over the review that obviously stuck around with him for a while. "I know from experience!"

"Thanks, Baby. I appreciate your input on the matter." He gave your hip a nice squeeze.

"I'll be sure to talk to Nat about it in the morning to try and sway her opinions on it ." You joked.

"Absolutely do not do that" His eyebrows raised in horror.

You laughed once more before cupping his face and laying a long one on him. "I would never."

"Good, cause I think the sleepiness has taken over the both of our brains and made us a little crazy." He smiled.

You rested your head back onto its rightful spot on his shoulder, your hand rested over his heart and his free hand that wasn't on your back lovingly wrapped around your wrist. "Are you going to be able to shut your brain off long enough to fall asleep?"

"Of course" He appeased your worries about him. "I always sleep well when you're with me. You're like a little sleeping pill, the second you fall asleep on me, you put me to sleep too."

"Cheese ball" You poked fun at him with a content smile as you closed your eyes and wrapped the blankets tighter around the both of you.

"I might be cheesy, but I always will be. And I'm proud of it!" He agreed.

"I love it so much." You admitted. "And I love you so much."

"I love you too." He kissed the top of your head. "Goodnight, Sunflower."

"Sweet dreams, Stevie."

Not even two whole minutes of silence and attempts at sleeping went by before Steve gasped.

"Wait... are you asleep?" He asked, using his hands to dramatically shake you. "Wake up! This is important!"

"I'm awake, I'm awake!" You alerted his urgency. "Jeez dude, you're scrambling my brain."

"Oh good! You're awake!" He said. You didn't have to see his face to know he was wearing a big sarcastic smile. Steve's favorite hobby was definitely being a little shit.

"What a blessing." You mumbled.

"I forgot to ask you out on a date tomorrow night!" He enthused.

"Sorry dude, I think we're better just as friends." You carried on the tradition of your favorite inside joke.

"Sooooooo... should I cancel the engagement ring?" He quipped.

Recently the two of you were talking about getting married a lot, and if there was two things you both agreed on it's that a marriage was definitely in the books for the two of you soon, and that being engaged should never be truly be a surprise. Sure, time and place of the proposal as a surprise was the fun part, but both of you setting clear intentions and a well timed future that flowed at a comfortable pace for the two of you was important.

"A date sounds great!" You overly enthused.

"Great! I made dinner reservations without asking first so I'm glad you said yes."

"Risky business, Rogers." You smiled.

"Okay now go to sleep." He giggled.

"You first..." You poked his chest with very low effort.

When the morning came, you were up and out way before Steve was to start your morning with Nat. She wanted to get back to the compound before a planned call with affiliates of the Avengers, so the two of you snuck out before most of the compound was awake. Much like most mornings when you woke up before Steve, you covered him up with the blankets nice and snug, kissed him goodbye, and wished him a great day.

A nice long walk and chat followed by coffee, breakfast, and a nice relaxing manicure had Nat feeling brand new.

You dropped her off at the compound then left again to meet up with a friend of yours that lived pretty close by. While catching up on each others lives for a few hours, Steve called you.

Figuring he didn't realize you were busy, you denied the call to clue him in to text you instead. You often times did this if he needed to get through to you at work. But this time, your sunflower necklace lit up four times, a number that didn't have a code attached, then your phone rang again.

Figuring it was probably important, you excused yourself and quickly picked up the call.

"Hi, baby." You spoke timidly into the phone.

"Hi, I'm sorry to interrupt I know you're busy." He sighed. You could tell by his tone that his brain was fried.

"No worries, is everything okay?" You questioned.

"Remember Scott Lang? Ant-Man?" He asked.

"Yeah, yeah I do." You nodded though he couldn't see you. "He was blipped right?"

"You see, that's the weird part." Steve puffed out a confused chuckle. "He's at the compound. He just... showed up."

"What?!" You said louder than you probably should, earning weird looks from strangers around you.

"Yeah, he was stuck in the quantum realm and now he's here, and we think-" He started but cut himself off to think about how he was going to phrase this without worrying you.

But the pause was deafening. "You think what?"

"I think you should make your way back here whenever you're done with your friend so we can talk about it more."

"That sounds so scary" You admitted.

"No, everything is fine. I promise." He reassured you.

"Should I come home right now?"

"No, baby, it's okay" He tried to calm you down once again. "Nothing to be anxious about. I just think we need to visit Tony and get a few other ducks in a line and I want to make sure I can get you someplace safe before we start looking into this more."

"So you guys found some good hope?" You asked, this time with a smile knowing that's exactly what Steve needed.

"A lot of hope and possibly the craziest pipe dream of all time, but we can get into that when you get here, okay?"

"Okay" You sighed. "Everyone's okay?"

"Everyone is fine." Steve smiled. "I want you to keep having fun with your friend. I'll see you later."

"See you soon. Love you"

"Love you too."

Though he tried his hardest to reassure you that everything was fine, you couldn't clear your head of the endless possibilities of what this could mean for the future of the whole universe. Those thoughts didn't even allow you to fully appreciate or give your undivided attention to your friend, so you called it a day as soon as you could. And when you arrived back at the compound, you immediately spotted Steve sitting outside on a bench.

You could tell his mind was occupied by a billion racing thoughts, his breathing was steady and there was a pinch in his brows.

Approaching slowly and sitting next to him, he wrapped you up in a side hug before kissing your temple and letting you go. "What's going on, Honey?"

He sighed in appreciation as your hand found its way to his back, rubbing long, firm strips up and down to comfort him. "We think we can time travel."

"What?" Your hand stopped in place.

"Go back in time before Thanos, get the stones from a bunch of different points in time, snap again." Steve explained like it was the most simple idea in the world.

"But..... how?" You we're blown away by the possibility, but the biggest part of you was terrified of what that meant for him, the world, and the entire future.

"Something to do with pym particles and a quantum tunnel, I don't really understand it." Steve explained, his mind was wandering miles away from him. "We have Bruce en route to work on that, but we're going to get Tony. Try to assemble the whole team again."

You didn't quite have the words at the moment, nor the time to even process this as a possibility. Whenever you couldn't quite grasp a concept that was much larger than you, but whenever you felt so tiny in the vastness of the universe, Steve was always there to put you on his shoulders and make you feel big again. "How do you feel about this?"

"I feel ready to just get it done." He explained.

"Are you scared?" You plopped your head down onto his shoulder, he nestled his cheek into the crown of your head.

"No" He denied softly. "Are you?"

"If you're not then I'm not" You smiled. That was a lie, but you always tried to not burden him with your own fears.

Though letting him out of your grasp and straight into battles often appeared in your own nightmares, you reeled in your feelings as to not disrupt his own peace. As often as you wanted to tell him to be careful, beg him not to do risky things like go to space in a ship being piloted by a raccoon to kill a titan that killed half the universe, you trusted him. His entire life was rich with risk assessment that only made him more and more successful the more he lived.

So if he wasn't scared, you'd try not to be either.

"Well, maybe that's a lie. Maybe I am a little scared." Steve retracted his statement.

"Well shit" You joked, earning a laugh from the sweet man.

"I'm scared it's not going to work, and I'm scared of putting anything on the line when my only goal for the future is a life with you." He admitted. "Everything else, I'm not scared of."

This time, your arms wrapped him up and didn't let him go. He was letting his Steve Rogers shine through in a place you typically only saw Captain America. Though he would argue that those two people were the same, you thought he was so very wrong.

Steve was still the little guy he once was. Sensitive and gentle, he'd cry over videos of cute animals doing cute things, decorate cookies with you and asked to be cuddled for as long as he could get you to stay still. But Cap... Cap was strong. Nothing could tear him down. When the uniform was on or public and teammates eyes were on him, he had to be the leader. He stood tall, refused to shed a tear regardless of any circumstance thrown his way. Everyone looked at him to guide them through.

You loved both versions of him, and both were truthful of his character, but it was also true that Steve was a version of himself he was only comfortable showing to the people he loved the most.

So you gave Cap the space he needed to be firm and strong, and gave Steve the space he needed to be vulnerable. Sometimes that looked like a little snuggle on a bench outside of the Avengers compound.

Very surface level and as deep down as could be, he knew that Cap couldn't be the fighter he was without you nurturing Steve. He was strong because you were compassionate, and everyday he amounted his power to you.

"I love you so very much," you started.

"But?" He raised an eyebrow, already anticipating the kicker.

"But doing this is exactly what you need in order for you to live the life you want." You explained. "You and I both know you'd live the entire rest of your life with guilt if the Avengers don't find a way to fix this. And though I don't agree that any of this is your fault, I know you feel that burden every single day. So in a certain way, I think for once, this is a great fight for yourself."

He sat and considered it for a second. "I don't have it in me to fight for myself, so I'm going to consider this a fight for you."

"A happy, relaxing future with you is all I want." You kindled his fire. Though you wished he could fight for himself, any incentive to get him through would work in this moment. "And i'd love to see Sam again and meet Bucky."

"I miss them so much" Steve stated, you could hear the sadness in his voice.

You lifted your head to give him a kiss. Your soft lips mingled for a little while before pulling away and resting your forehead against his. "Everything is going to be okay."

"I think so too" He agreed.

"And if it doesn't pan out the way you all hope, then I hope you know that everything will be okay that way too."

"Well that's not an option." He gently shook his head.

"Hard headed!" You pulled away and raised your hand to gently poke him right in the center of his forehead. He laughed, knowing his words would irritate you. "You drive me crazy!"

"I love driving you crazy" His smile prevailed.

"Really? I couldn't tell." You said sarcastically, feeling the effects of his contagious smile.

"And I'd love it even more if I can keep annoying you on our date tonight." He brought up.

"Stevie" Your face softened. "We can reschedule that if you need to, you know I understand."

"No, I definitely don't want to cancel that." He denied firmly. "Not to bring up the past or anything, but the last time I rescheduled a date it didn't turn out too well for me."

"Awwwww" You cooed. "Classic Cap history"

"Yeah, and we're rewriting it because I'm not doing that again" he said with a chuckle.

"I'm more than happy to help you out with that" You agreed, giving his leg a little squeeze. "How's Scott doing? I'm sure this is a lot to process."

"He seems to be doing alright, but that leads me to something Nat and I talked about that I wanted to present to you."

"What's up?"

"It's no secret that you're kind've one of the most amazing and comforting humans alive, and we were supposed to go home in 2 days but..." He took a moment to find the right words. "I'm my best when you're around, and whether you've noticed or not, everyone is happier when you're here. So we were wondering if you could stay a little longer just to kinda help keep spirits up. I know you have the bakery at home but it could be a pretty crucial part in saving half the world."

"I can't imagine I'd have any crucial part in any of that, but I'll stay for you alone." You giggled.

"Obviously I'll bring you home before the time travel happens because it's such unknown territory, I'd want you far away from the compound. But we're going to bring everyone we've got here, including Thor who we heard is going through a rough patch. I think your love would go a far way."

"And cookies" You grinned.

"Cookies would definitely help."

"Can Rocket eat chocolate chips?" You pondered.

"He's a raccoon, not a dog." Steve reminded you.

"That doesn't answer my question." You eyebrow raised. "What about Nebula? Do cyborgs eat food? Ooh! I know Bruce likes chocolate, and Tony likes hazelnut because they had those Ben and Jerry's ice cream flavors so maybe I'll make Nutella cookies so it's the best of both worlds. Do you know what Rhodey likes? I have Nat covered. Thor probably li-"

"Baby, Baby" Steve cut you off with a giggle. "Don't stress yourself out now. You're not here to take care of us, just keep being you"

"This is me." You laughed. "Have you ever seen me not like this?"

"You know what? That's fair." He agreed.

"Ooh! And I bet Nat knows exactly what Clint would want!" You chirped. "...I should call the bakery..."

Next Part: Crawl Home to You

Tag List: @patzammit @bemysugarbean @buckymydarlingangel @happinessinthebeing @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory @differenttyphoonwerewolf @themotherof10 @talesofadragon @spikeluv84 @royalwriteroftheuniverse @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @bitchy-bi-trash @crazyunsexycool @openup-yourmind @selella @kattreffic @benedict-squirtle @magnificentsaladllama @theroyalmanatee @calwitch @avengersinitiative2012 @rogersbarber @daddywattpad4945

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glassartpeasants · 1 year ago

Text

Calling To The Moon

Overhaul x F!Reader

Warnings: Child abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, death, slight gore, suicide, mentions and implications of self-harm, dead dove do not eat

A/N: This is probably the saddest shit I've ever written. I know I've said that before probably, but I'm serious this time. It took me a whole month nonstop to finish this. I wanted to make it perfect for you guys and just simply for myself. I'm very proud of this fic, and it took me so long to get it to the point where I was confident with the writing and editing. This fic is VERY long, and I mean VERY LONG. It was a whole 25 pages in Google Docs and has 9,603 words in it. I really hope you guys like and it would mean the world to me if you could tell me how I did. I hope you guys like it and enjoy <3

~~~

The atmosphere in the base has never been so cold. No matter what, every room and hall felt colder than the arctic sea. Both temperature and emotion wise. You’d ask your husband to turn up the heat, but he was always busy and seemingly never in a good mood. Which only added to the cold feeling. Summer or winter, it was always cold. Even colder when you’d guys have an argument.

Arguing with him was hell. He’d talk over you and say such hurtful things. Belittling you and ignoring whatever you had to say. In every argument, he stood victorious because you just wanted his horrible words to stop. He’d bring up things that he’d promise to never tell a soul. Yet there he was, using your past against you.

It feels like your chest is getting ripped open every time you do. The times he’d spit his venom when he wore his mask was terrifying. You could see a danger in his eyes, like how a lamb fears a wolf. You hated feeling this way. He was your husband. He shouldn’t be scaring you and threatening you. But here you were.

He never did it in front of other yakuza leaders, which is why you enjoyed the meetings so much. He'd act as lovingly as someone like him would during a meeting. These times would remind you of why you married him. How'd he act like he was proud being next to you. Telling you he loved you in ways only you both know. It was amazing while it lasted. The feeling of being wanted.

After 8 months of being married, though, he started to change.

He’d never sleep in the same bed as you anymore. You don’t know if he moved to a different room or if he slept in his office. You've searched your brain for anything but can't think of a single reason as to why he would just up a ditch you like that.

It really crushed your self-esteem. Having your once loving husband act like you were so disgusting. Looking at you like he does his enemies no matter what you wore or done. You tried wearing what used to be his favorite thing to see on you, but he completely ignored you. Acting as if you didn’t exist.

Then, he’d look at you with loving eyes that made you forget how he treated you only moments before. When that horrible mask and ugly jacket were off, he'd look at you like he did before you had the ring on your finger. It was times like this that kept you right by his side. No matter the horrible words his other side spilled.

But the mental toll was soon piling up, one small feather enough to make you crash down.

With the mental toll overflowing, it caused feelings you’ve tried so hard to bury to resurface. Times to before you met him. Parts of your life that you wish would burn away from your memories. But, the physical scars you carried only worsened it. You hated yourself, hated the loneliness that crushed you. Hated the way your past haunted you.

All these made your life unbearable. No matter what medication, no matter the ‘self-care’ people would recommend, nothing made you feel complete.

All your ‘friends’ left you as soon as they saw how dark you truly felt inside. They called you a ‘debbie downer.’ So no matter what, they left you to decay and continue their lives without you. You remember thinking that there was no point. No life in your light to scare away the darkness. Then, you met him, and everything changed.

But that was then. Now, you were feeling the darkness creep back inch by inch as you sat on the compound's couch.

The sterile scented environment contrasted greatly to the smell of tea in front of you. The only light was the moonlight shining through the windows. The room felt once again so cold. Hopelessness filled you as sleep still seemed so far away.

“You guys seem like such a happy family. I don’t see why all this happened.” The cop stood in front of the couch where you and your mother resided. You on the far right arm and her on the left. You desperately tried to put as much room as possible between the two of you.

“I'm sorry, officer. My daughter was just having an attention episode. Sorry to take your focus away from real problems.” Your mother’s response was smooth and calm, but you knew what hid behind them. Her stone mask always failed to deceive you, as you knew her best.

You were no fool. You knew she would severely punish you as soon as the officer left. It was just comical, really. How you were stuck in such a position in the first place. It happened only hours ago, yet it was still fresh in your mind like a burn wound.

“Is this abuse, huh?!” The look in her eyes was so terrifying that you still see it in your nightmares. Her nails dug into the back of your neck, and you felt her nimble fingers squeezing your throat. Your heart seemed to stop at the reality that this was really happening. The way your mother held your throat as you went to pry it off. Although, it ended as soon as it started. She whipped her hands away from you and gave you one last death glare before stomping toward her room.

Tears poured down your face as you took deep breaths, trying to gather the air that your lungs craved harshly. The feeling of her fingers still wrapped around your neck made the helplessness inside you explode as you started frantically searching for a bag.

The sunset illuminated the room as you managed to find a bag before shoving anything you could into it. Clothes, phone, charger, things that held emotional value, anything you could fit, you brought.

Stepping out of your room and into the hallway, you feel scared. Worrying that you’ll turn the corner and see your mother standing there with that look in her eyes once more. But to your luck, she was nowhere to be seen.

You turn towards the door and stare at the handle. It felt as if a strong force was holding your body still. Grabbing all the strength you could muster, you shakingly move your hand towards the door handle, opening it silently. Gently, you moved your feet out of the house and shut the door as quietly as you opened it. The wooden deck creaked below you as you tried to walk across it. Your heart beats in your ears as you bite your lip in anxiety. Being caught right now was something of nightmares. Yet, the sound of dirt crunching beneath your shoes made you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

Then, you ran.

You ran down the driveway and onto the dirt road that held yours and many other houses. Your shoes crunched against the ground as dirt flew behind you as you ran as fast as your legs could carry you. The sound of rocks hitting the earth fell on deaf ears.

The trees surrounded you and cheered you on as the wind rustled their leaves. Cold air enveloped your body as your cursed yourself for not wearing a jacket, but it didn’t matter. How your body ran gave your body enough heat to survive for now. Adrenaline pumped through your veins, and all you could think of was running. To run till you collapsed or reached your grandparents only a few miles away. You’d finally be safe and wanted there.

The sun set faster than you imagined, and the once beautiful sky was soon replaced with stars that called you. Telling you to come visit them. That you’ll be safe there. The urge to reach for the stars was crushed as red and blue lights surrounded you and the trees. They hid the stars above you, and the feeling of loneliness once again encapsulated you. Tears threatened down your cheeks as you heard a man’s voice tell you to get in the car. Saying that he’s taking you home.

What was back there was no home to you.

You got into his car without a fuss despite the urge to fight. The way back to your hell was quiet as the cop said nothing to you. The back seat of his vehicle was cold and unwelcoming. Dread filled you as you pulled up to the place you had run from only hours before. The image of your mom standing on the deck haunts you as she waits for her ‘attention-seeking daughter’ to come home.

“Why are you crying?” A light voice ripped you from your reflection of the past and brought you back to the present. With blurry eyes, you try to make out the voice that called out to you.

“I just had a moment. Sorry, you had to see that. I thought everyone was asleep.” Wiping your eyes, you blink away the remaining tears as you finally catch a glimpse of the man in front of you.

You’ve never seen him before.

“Who are you?” You couldn’t help but be suspicious.

“My names Gushiken Taro. I just started today, so I’ve yet to meet everyone.”

“Oh, that makes sense. Well, my name is Chisaki (Y/N). It's a pleasure to have you here at the compound.” You sent him a welcoming smile. His voice seemed so young. From what you could actually see of him, he still looked like a teenager or had the body of one.

“You must be Overhaul’s wife, I assume?” God, you hated that name. Ever since that name had left your husband's tongue, your life has been nothing but constant dread.

“Yes, that's correct. May I ask how old you are?”

“Your much more friendly, I have to say. But I’ll be turning 19 in a few weeks.” You couldn’t hide the shock on your face. His age would be the same as…his.

“That's so young! How did you get caught up in the yakuza so young?”

“It’s a long story, haha. But why is the leader's wife crying at midnight?” You didn’t know what to say, so you just answered his question.

“I couldn’t sleep. I just…get emotional when I don’t sleep.”

“Understandable. I’d love to chat more, Mrs. Chisaki, but I must find my way out of this maze and back to the exit. It’s so late, and I must go home. It’s dark, so it may take a while.”

“I can help you to the exit.”

“Really? Are you sure?” Standing up, you grab your tea and hold a smile on your face.

“I’m sure everyone deserves to be helped.”

“Thank you very much. I shall follow you.” You nodded as you led him towards the exit, making small conversations along the way. A familiar feeling to protect slowly crawled back.

~~~

Despite being so close to another human being, your husband no less, you still felt so cold. You tried to ignore the goose bumps that littered your arms, but you still let out a shiver on accident.

“Hey, Overhaul, your pretty wife over there is shivering. Why don’t you give her your jacket, huh? Take care of a special thing like her.” The gruff voice of an older man cut through the air. You saw the leader of the farthest clan looking at Kai with an eyebrow raised. His hair was white, and his skin wrinkled, giving you the impression of him being in his late 60s or early 70s. Reminding you of your own grandfather.

You were shocked, to say the least. No ones ever mentioned you in a meeting before. Well, not in the way where they asked your husband to do something for you in front of everyone. A warmth spread across your face as the feeling of happiness made a small smile appear on your face. It’s been a while since anyone, including your husband, has called you pretty or special. You felt appreciated even if it was by someone you didn’t know.

Shooting your husband a quick glance, he caught your eye before you saw a frown appear from behind his mask. You said nothing as you expected the air to continue to nip at your skin and you’d stay cold, but you were pleasantly surprised when you felt familiar purple feathers surround you and block your vision. The heat of his body that was once trapped in the coat now surrounded you. Snuggling up in the warm fabric, you send a kind smile to the old man who sat in the back. You felt like your husband's love surrounded you for the first time in months.

A flash of white appeared out of the corner of your eye. Moving your head slightly, you ignored the men around you talking. A familiar figure stood by the door. You send the man a subtle wave and smile at him. Your smile grew bigger when the man sent one back.

~~~

You started walking back to your room, a skip in your step as your husband's jacket still hung on your form. His purple feathered hood surrounded your face and tickled your nose as his scent covered you. The smell felt safe and made you feel so sleepy. What you wouldn’t give to sleep with your husband's scent again. Feel as if he was actually lying next to you.

“(Y/N).” The stoic sound of your husband's voice broke you of your small fantasy. You knew what was gonna happen. He was probably going to ask for his jacket back and then degrade you. Taking a deep breath to build up your walls, you spin around to look at him, smiling as you try to show a confident front.

“Yes, love?” his shoes echoed against the walls as he moved closer towards you. You tried your best not to shake in anxiety, not knowing his next move.

“Give me my jacket.” You take it off and give it back without even batting an eye. The cold coming back to attack your uncovered skin.

“Anything else I can help you with-”

“I’m not letting you come to the meetings anymore.” You look at him, shocked, as you try to piece together what made him make such a harsh decision so quickly.

“What? Why?”

“Obviously, you're a distraction to the real tasks at hand. I don’t want people paying attention to you when there are more important things to focus on.” With such small words, you feel your walls start to crash.

“All he said was that I was cold! You didn’t have to give me your jacket. You could have continued talking.” He looked at you like you were some stupid little girl. A look you knew all too well.

“If you had a brain, you’d see that that’d be a bad choice. If I want money, I have to make them trust me.”

“Oh, so fake being nice to your wife is a way to get respect and people to trust you?” His sharp eyes turned to daggers as he looked at you.

“I don’t have time to talk to you. I’ve got more important things to do.”

“Good! Because I also have more important things to do than talking to you asshole.” You turn around to stomp away but feel a firm grip wrap around your wrist. He aggressively dragged you to your room before closing the door and making you face him. Your husband's golden eyes bore into your own. Despite the fear that infected your blood, you tried to hide it.

“Who do you think you are to talk to your superior like that.” His voice low, and the grip on your wrist turned bone-crushing.

“Superior?! Kai, your my husband! And let me go! You're hurting me!” His grip on your wrist only got tighter, and you felt a stinging sensation erupt from his fingertips as his gloves disintegrated in front of you.

“It’s Overhaul. Kai is dead.” Your eyes blew wide at his statement. Confusion wracked your body as you searched for an answer.

“Overhaul?! What the fuck are you talking about Kai-” A horrific pain shot through your arm that Kai so aggressively held. Tears spilled harshly down your face as you screamed in pain. Red liquid covers your body as you try to grab the now missing appendage. Searing pain causes you to lose your footing as your salty tears fall on the ground.

Then, the pain stopped.

Your body trembled as you felt your once missing arm now back where it should have been. The sensation of losing something so important still puzzled your body as you tried to grab a sense of what had just happened.

“It's Overhaul, don’t make me tell you again.” The sound of his footsteps leaving your room haunted you as the door closed. Your lungs seemingly couldn’t get enough air as you tried to gasp and heave at the horror of your husband doing something he promised never to do.

~~~

“What could you possibly be depressed about?! What made you so sad that had you scratching yourself with a pencil till you bleed! Fucking pathetic, doing it for attention, aren’t you? You wanna see real cuts?!” The way your mother grabbed your wrist had you wincing in pain as she put your hand on fresh yet scabbing cuts on her arms. Her eyes tearing into yours as she moved your hand across her skin, yelling at you the entire time.

“This is what real depression is! Not your pathetic attempt at attention seeking. God, your so useless! Not everything is about you! Have you ever thought about how I feel?!”

You didn’t know how she found out. You tried everything to keep what you were doing to yourself a secret. Cause you feared what would happen if she saw your freshly open wounds on your arms.

It was the only thing that made you feel better. It took away the pain you felt inside and moved it to where you decided to dig the graphite of your pencil into your skin. The pain it caused numbed the pain you felt inside. It gave you something else to pay attention to. Sometimes, you’d dig the pencil even deeper into your skin, feeling like you deserved the pain you were causing yourself and what you felt inside.

You deserved it, you deserved it, you deserved it repeated in your head as you cry into the dark of your room, scratching the barely healed scars on your arms. Looking up at the ceiling, wondering what you could do to make the pain disappear. You’d cry into your pillows as the feeling of those fresh cuts on your mother's arms still tingled against your fingertips. Dry blood smeared on them with small spots under your nails. Holding your hands together, you look outside at the moon, crying for it to take you away.

You could see the moon shining through the small bathroom window. You got an even greater view with the window being wide open. The crescent moon reminds you of cartoons you used to watch when you were young.

Candles surrounded you as the lights were turned off to try and calm yourself down. To relieve the anxiety and fear that had been coursing through your veins ever since yesterday. The bath was so warm and inviting as it convinced you to stay longer. To ignore the pain that still ghosted your heart. You didn’t dare leave your bathroom or room, fearing what Kai-Overhaul, would do.

It was such a numbing feeling. Knowing your husband put his hands on you after promising he never would. Breaking a promise, he told you ‘he’d rather die than break.’

Obviously, it didn’t mean anything anymore.

Your heart constricted as you looked up to the moon, begging for answers. Asking what you’d done to deserve this? Asking what you could do to get rid of the numbing feeling that overtook you. To feel something other than emptiness. To escape these all too familiar feelings.

Just then. A shiny glint caught your eye at the rim of the tub.

~~~

The sound of the screaming kettle let you know your tea was finally ready. Grabbing your favorite tea cup, you walk towards the steaming kettle.

Putting your cup on the tray, you grab the kettle before pouring it over the strainer filled with green tea leaves you had already set up. The tea goes into the teapot underneath it. A smile on your face as these times were one of the only times that brought you any sort of happiness. This used to be your husband's favorite, and he quickly had you hooked on it. The smell filled the kitchen with a homey feeling.

You put the teapot on the tray and some tea snacks before you make your way to the living room, only to be stopped by crashing into something immediately. The sound of everything hitting the ground made you cover your ears.

“Oh shit, Mrs. Chisaki, I’m so sorry!” The familiar voice of Gushiken filled the kitchen.

“It's okay. Things happen. It was an accident.” Looking down, you see the tea everywhere, and the teapot shattered into seemingly millions of pieces. Alas, your teacup was nowhere to be found.

“I managed to save the cup, if that means anything.” The man hands you the still intact cup. A breath of relief left your lips as you held the cup tightly, afraid it might drop any second.

“Please, let me help clean up. It’s my fault for not saying I was approaching.” You let out a laugh as you set your teacup away before you crouch down to pick up the broken pieces of what was your least favorite pot anyways. As long as your cup was fine, you were okay.

Making piles of glass, you and him gently grabbed them and threw them away. Mopping up the spilled tea and throwing the tray away in fear of Overhaul throwing a tantrum.

“Hey, what happened to your arm? Did some of the glass get you?” Looking at your arm, you see your long-sleeved shirt exposing minor cuts along your arm. Freezing up, you quickly lie.

“Oh! I guess. I didn’t even notice.”

“Well, can I help wrap it up? My sister was a nurse, and she taught me a few things. It's my fault your hurt anyways.” guilt plagued your mind at his words.

“I…okay.”

~~~

You sat at the kitchen island and watched as Gushiken wrapped up your arms with care. Much kinder and soft than Overhaul has been with you in so long. A feeling filled your body as he tended your wounds. You felt cared for. Like you were worth something to someone.

“There, you should be okay. Just make sure to change it and keep it clean to avoid infection.”

“I will thank you so much, Gushiken.”

“Can I ask you a question? It's kinda personal, so you don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to.”

“Um, sure? What is it?”

“Why does Overhaul never have you around? He seemingly avoids you life your the plague, and every time your name gets brought up, his brows furrow in disdain.” It was a really personal question he asked, but you were surprised no one else had asked you it earlier.

“I don’t know. I couldn’t tell you who the man you see before us now is. This man isn’t the man who used to treat me like I was worth more than any jewels he’d gain. He is no longer the man who called me beautiful every chance he could. He’s not the man that asked me to marry him.” Tears brimmed your eyelids as you did your best to avoid crying. You didn’t want to look all red-faced and red-eyed in front of Gushiken.

“I don’t understand. Did a switch just flip inside him? Was there a fight or something?” His confusion was shared as you didn’t understand your husband's reasons either.

“No. Just one day, instead of the black mask he used to always wear, he wore the one that now adorns his face. The one that causes fear to anyone that looks at it. Then, he seemingly turned into a whole other man.” You felt your throat constricting as you try to talk without hiccuping.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Chisaki.” The remorse he expressed in his voice made your body shake as you lowered your head. He couldn’t see how affected you truly were by your husband's actions towards you. It wasn’t his problem that your husband changed.

“You should probably continue working. I don’t want you to get in trouble.” Your voice cracked as your lips tremble.

“But-”

“Please.” With a sigh, Gushiken got up from the stool he sat on.

“As you wish, Mrs. Chisaki. I hope you feel better soon.” His footsteps soon ran out of earshot as you simply looked at your knees. You could feel your tears fall on the clothing that covered them. Your problems were your own. Someone as young as him should just be worried about other things. You regret letting your emotions get the best of you and talking about it.

Not wanting everyone else to see your tears, you get up from the stool and walk down the empty halls toward your room. Not looking up from the floor.

~~~

It was easier to fold laundry with music playing. It helped keep your mind out of all the negative thoughts that plagued it. You made your own little playlist that you liked to listen to during times like this. One specific song you always looked forward to.

The song that played at your wedding that he danced with you to.

Speaking of said song, the familiar tune soon emitted from your phone. A smile spread on your face as you stopped folding laundry and started to dance along to the haunting melody. Imagining you weren’t dancing alone.

“You look gorgeous, my angel.” His words melted your heart as you looked at the man in front of you with love.

“And you look so handsome. I could stare into your eyes for eternity.” His gaze was so soft, and just being near him made you feel so calm. So safe. Knowing that as long as you were with him, he’d protect you till his dying breath.

“I don’t know how I got so lucky to find you. What did I do to deserve you?”

“I couldn’t imagine myself with another man. You're the only person that’ll forever have my heart.” Your heart thumped inside your chest as you felt him place his forehead against yours. His voice turned into a low hum as the tune matched the song that played around you. You couldn’t help but join along as you danced together, never wanting it to end.

“I’ll love you till my dying breath, my angel.”

“I’d walk around the world just to be with you. Through hell and high water, I’ll never stop loving you.”

The gorgeous melody that once played was soon replaced with another one. Your memory of so long ago tearing your heart in two. Memories of a better time where you were wanted, where you were loved. It haunted you like a ghost no matter what. His ghost haunted you, a ghost of who he used to be.

A ghost you’d still dance with if given the chance.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

“Hello?” Who could be knocking? All the precepts were on missions, and Overhaul was in a meeting.

“(Y/N)? It’s me, Hari.”

“Come in.” The door opened with a creak, and a familiar masked man emerged.

“I just came to-”

“Take off the mask.”

“Huh?”

“Take off the fucking mask. I see it enough every day, no matter where I go. All I ask is to see the real face of a friend.” A second hesitation before he unclasped the mask to look at you. The face of an old friend finally back.

“You look so much more attractive and friendly without that dumb mask.” A chuckle left his lips as he smiled lightly at you. It reminded you of when you, Overhaul, and Hari would sit outside in the sun and enjoy each other's company. Talking about god knows what.

“I just came here to escort you to Overhaul’s meeting. Other Yakuza leaders have actually been worried about you.” Your eyes widen at his words.

“Really? Thats…nice. It’s been a while since someone has worried about me other than Gus-” You stop at your words, too concerned for his safety.

“Gushiken? Yeah, I’ve noticed you talking to him. But don’t worry, I won’t tell. I’m just happy you have someone to talk to. I’d be there, but-”

“It’s okay. I know ‘Overhaul’ has been running you ragged ever since he started his stupid ‘plan.’ I don’t blame you for not having enough energy. It’s stupid how he pushes his best friend around.” You walk towards Hari, ready to leave the room. Without a word, you feel Hari’s arms wrap around you. It’s been so long since you’ve felt someone's embrace. You hugged him back, happy to be next to an old friend.

“It may not mean much, but I care and worry about you too. Even if I don’t have the time to show it.” You could feel his heartbeat against your chest, but you embraced it.

“Thank you, Hari. That means so much more to me than you know.”

~~~

The meeting was almost over by the time you and Hari arrived. You didn’t worry too much about it, though, as Hari told you, it was still almost over when he went to collect you. With a gulp, you opened the door to see everyone looking at you. You force a smile as you wave to everyone and greet them.

“Ah, it’s so good to see you’re okay, Mrs. Chisaki. We were worried you had come down with something.” Your husband glanced at you before you lied.

“No need to fret. I’ve just been busy with things in the family. Mom’s getting old, and she needs someone to take care of her.” The term mom almost makes you puke in your throat. The thought of doing anything for that woman made your stomach churn.

“You have such a caring wife, Overhaul. I’m jealous.” With a chuckle, the old man speaks to your husband.

“Yes. I’m very proud and happy I married her. She’s truly an angel in disguise.” His words made your heart skip a beat. In pain or in love? You didn’t know. It might have been something to appease the other leaders. Yet, hearing him say such beautiful words about you had you struggle to hold back tears and not jump into his arms. Tell him that you loved him so. The urge was shoved deep down as he called the meeting over which everyone seemingly agreed.

With each leader that passed you, you gently smiled and thanked them for coming. They all sent a smile as well while they exited the room. With that last one leaving, your smile left, and you have your husband who still sat in his chair.

“Everyone except (Y/N) leave.” Your body went rigid as a lump fell in your throat. You look at Hari, and he simply shrugs. You felt him grab your hand and run his fingers over your knuckles before whispering, “You’ll be okay.”. He walked along with two other members that you couldn’t remember. When everyone was gone, you started to fiddle with your fingers to calm down.

“Overhaul is-”

“Shut up, I’m thinking.” You open your mouth to respond but close it just as quickly.

“I don’t understand. Even without you, they worry about you rather than talk about the plan for a better society.” His brows furrowed as he stood up and walked towards you. Fear paralyzes your body as you watch him stop right in front of you. He moves his gloved hand to put the pad of his index finger underneath your chin. He moved your head up so you could look at one another in the eyes.

“What’s so special about you?” He looks at you with genuine confusion. It felt like it should have been more insulting. Your throat dries as his eyes pierce your soul.

“I don’t know.” Your voice small.

“Other than you being pure and quirkless. There's nothing special about you.” Those words echoed in your head as you remembered how those words would come out of a monster that haunted your past.

“Then why marry me?” The words left your mouth before you could think. His eyes seemed to widen before going back to stone.

“I don’t know.” His words caused tears to fall from your eyes. They clung to your lashes, making the man in front of you one big blur.

“What happened to you? What happened to my husband? My angel?” His hand moved towards your cheek and wiped away your tears. But why? Why would he show such a display of affection after all this time? Despite all your questions, he remained silent as his gloved hand had yet to move from your cheek. You wanted to lean into it. To enjoy such a foreign touch from your husband. But you couldn’t.

“No…I can’t do this.” you turn away from his hand before running out of the room and away from his touch. You couldn’t handle it. So much time since his last loving touch that it now felt wrong. It wasn’t fair for him to play with your feelings like this. To treat you so horribly and then handle you with such care. It’s cruel.

~~~

“The moon looks so beautiful tonight.” Your voice cuts through the silence as you walk around the compound's roof. Once again, you couldn’t sleep, so what better way to pass the time than look at the moon?

Sitting on the very edge of the compound's walls, you look up to the moon with a blanket wrapped around you. Your heart beating loud enough to echo through your head as a wave of sadness washed over you.

“Everywhere I go, I always end up hurting. Every step of my life has brought me pain. I finally thought he would be the angel to pull me free.” Your lip quivers as you try to understand why.

“I ran away to free myself. I moved to another country, and misery still followed me. It’s like I can never escape. Like I was destined for pain and suffering.” the cold air whispered to you through the breeze, telling you something you couldn’t understand.

“What other life did I live that caused this? Is there even a timeline where I can be truly happy?” The tears you’ve been holding back finally started to blur your vision.

“They always said things would get better. They promised. My grandparents, teachers, ‘friends,’ and doctors. They all told me to ‘give it time’ and ‘everything will be in your favor.’ I’m tired of waiting!” You clench your fists as you look up to the moon. You were so angry. All the emotions you’ve been bottling up soon turned into angry tears, the cracking of your voice evident as you try to speak.

“I…feel so stupid. For thinking he’d be the cure I needed. The person to chase away everything I tried to leave behind.” The sound of footprints made you freeze as you snapped your head to look behind you.

“Hari? H-How long have you been here?” Hiccups plague your voice even though you try to stop your tears.

“Long enough.” With a few more steps, he was sitting on the edge next to you. There was a few seconds of silence before he spoke.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“I wouldn’t want to burden you with my woes. You already got enough on your plate.”

“You could never bother me (Y/N).”

“...” Words seemed impossible as your heart beat against your ribs.

“How about where you used to live?”

“(Country Name). I came here when I was 18.” Such a small question, but you knew that he wanted to know why you were sobbing on the roof.

“Do you come up here often?”

“I’ve been coming more recently. The moon and stars always have comforted me.”

“They are beautiful. I can see why you would.” The silence was awkward, but you enjoyed his company regardless.

“You’ve been bottling it up for a while, haven’t you? It’s okay. I understand. Talking about stuff like that is…hard.”

“There's not many therapists that want to work for the yakuza.” Hari let out a chuckle, and you couldn’t help but let one out as well. His laughter was always contagious.

“Do you have any family? I heard grandparents but nothing else. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, though.”

“A brother and sister. I’ve never met my sister, but I grew up with my brother until…” Letting out a sharp exhale, you continue.

“Until he ran away. I was 17, and he was 14. I saw him go to bed, told him I loved him, and went to bed. The next morning, he was gone. He’s never contacted me, and even after all these years, I still can’t find him.” Your hands shake as you look at the ground below you.

“I’m sorry. Would there be a reason he’d just disappear?” It felt like a breath caught in your throat. You haven’t talked about her in so long. Your husband was the only one you told in deep detail about your childhood. Yet, when you look into Hari’s eyes, the care and concern that shine in them remind you of the day you told Kai. You’ve known Hari just as long as Kai, and if what he said earlier was true, then maybe you could get a small bit of the weight on your chest off.

“My mother.” A deep breath left your lungs as you prepared yourself.

“My mother wasn’t known for her kindness. She had many problems. We’d be here till sunrise if I went into detail.”

“You can tell me whatever makes you comfortable. I promise.”

“Thank you, Hari…” You sent him a small smile as you continued.

“My father wasn’t in the picture, so it was just my mother. My grandparents as well but only visits with them. The house we lived in was on its last legs. Lots of spots were decaying, and we didn’t have the money to fix it. We didn’t have the money for food either. Many nights, my brother and I went hungry.” You glance at the man next to you, and a look of sadness is plastered on it.

“She brought a lot of strange people over. A lot we didn’t know. I didn’t trust any of them, so I ignored all of them and never let my brother out of my sight. Me and him were extremely close during this time, so his disappearance made it that much harder for me.” Tears spill down your cheeks, making them red as the cold air bit them.

“Everything was my fault. No matter what happened, I deserved the punishment and rage. Something so small could cause her to explode. Yet, I couldn’t let my brother be treated like I was, so any mistakes he made, I took the blame. I’m the big sister. My job was to protect and still…”

“No one was there to protect you.” His voice was soft as he stole the words from your mouth. You scooted closer to him just to enjoy his company more and enjoy the body heat he gave off. Knowing he was there calmed you. Your head grew heavy as you just gently placed your head on his shoulder.

“She called me many things. Things that you should never call a child. So many of her words still haunt me to this day. No matter what meds I took, I would still hear them like they were said seconds ago. Back then, I dealt with the pain by hurting myself. There were so many times I felt like I deserved it. Times where I’d cry myself to sleep, yet nothing I did soothed the pain I felt inside. It was like this till I ran away.”

“I lived on the streets here for a long time. I truly felt hopeless. Worthless. There were so many days where I thought about taking my life. I was an outsider who only spoke basic Japanese. An outsider without a quirk.”

“Can’t imagine how hard it would’ve been. Especially with how people treat the quirkless. You’re very strong for pulling through what you went through. It’s very admirable.”

“You're just saying that.” You joke.

“I mean it.” A smile spread on your face as your heart started to calm down.

“By some grace of god, I managed to get off my feet. I had a crummy apartment and a crummy job, but I was still thankful. Even though I was thankful, I still felt so…empty? Sad? Numb? Whatever it was, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. My job only paid enough for bills, so like in childhood, many nights I went to bed without eating.” You bite your lips as you try to stop it from trembling.

“I made some ‘friends’ at work, but they didn’t last long. They didn’t want to hang out with someone as sad as me. No matter the meds I took, I never felt complete. I felt like I was still missing something. It was like that until…”

“Until?”

“Until I met Kai. We were grabbing the same cleaning product, and we ended up talking. You know what happens after that.”

“Yeah. You really had him by the throat for a long time.” You both laugh at the memory.

“When I told Kai about my past, he said nothing. Only held my hands. I somehow managed to gather up all my courage to show my scars. I was so afraid. Afraid he’d find me disgusting. A freak, but he told me that my scars didn’t matter. That I was perfect to him. I remember crying. I fell so in love with him at that moment that I knew that he was the one I wanted to be with for the rest of my life.”

“My favorite teacup was the teacup that I was drinking from when he proposed to me. He didn’t get on his knees cause we were in the garden, but he asked me to dance with him. He asked me to marry him while we danced, and I still remember his tone that day. I thought right then that finally, after struggling for so many years, I was going to be happy.” Harsh tears spill down your face as those beautiful memories play through your mind. Pain that there was no longer a connection that used to be.

“I’m so thankful your still Kurono Hari. I don’t know what i’d do if you weren’t.” You heard a gulp come from the man next to you. The feeling of his hand being hesitantly placed on top of yours made your heart skip a beat. Yet, you made no effort to stop him when he intertwined his fingers with yours.

~~~

The day felt a little lighter than others. You didn’t know why, but it was like a breath of fresh air. Talking to Hari a week ago managed to lighten your chest, but there was only so much that talking could do.

He’s been checking up on you so much more than before. He’d tell you good morning and goodnight no matter if he was running late. He managed to make time in his hellish schedule to talk and see you. It brought a smile to your face every time. He turned into a small light that you looked forward to seeing every day. Despite the sadness that still ate away at you, you were happy you had him to talk to.

While you were no chef, you wanted to make him something as a thank you. Which led you to where you are now. Drinking out of your favorite teacup while baking cookies. You hoped he liked chocolate chip.

“Something smells good. What are you making?” Spinning your head, you see Gushiken walking up to you.

“Chocolate chip cookies.”

“What’s the occasion?”

“For a friend. Hope he likes them cause they’re the only cookies I know I can make well.” You both laugh before continuing.

“How’d you get so good?”

“It was my brother's favorite. I didn’t make it often. But when I did I took my time to memorize it.”

“Wow. Lucky him to have a kind sister.”

“I was lucky if I got past the dough stage. He’d always eat it. I’ll never understand how he didn’t get salmonella.” Gushiken laughed.

“You’d be the same age as him. Sometimes I see him in you.” You laugh to avoid the ache in your chest. It was true. Something about him reminded you of your brother. It could be his unusually happy personality. How he’d talk about his interests with such excitement. Not to mention he had the same hair color as him. That being said, you felt a familiar gut feeling to protect. To make sure no one would hurt him. It’s been so long since you’ve felt it so strongly.

“My sister was like you too. Funny huh? When I first saw you I thought you were her! Then again, it was almost pitch black…” Laughing, you continue stirring the dough, almost finished.

“Can you grab me the cookie cutters? They're in the bottom left drawer.” Sending you a thumbs up, Gushiken went digging through the drawer. Grabbing some parchment paper and flour, you lay it on the counter so it's ready to cut the dough.

“Found them!”

“Great, now wash your hands. I won’t be able to cut cookies all by myself.” That was a lie. You’ve done it before, but something inside you spoke before you thought. Maybe it was the hole in your heart that your brother left, trying to heal itself. Somehow, without seeing his face, the smile he wore managed to repair a small part.

The sound of water running and the rolling pin doing its job echoed throughout the kitchen.

“Alright! I’m done!” Excitement was evident in Gushiken's voice as he stood in front of the flattened cookie dough.

“Okay, I need you to cut as much as you can. I lost track of time, and dinner will be late if I don’t start now.” Without being told twice, He got right to work.

“What are you making for dinner?”

“Kani salad with some fruits and whatever drink. It’s one of Overhaul’s favorites, so I’m hoping it will calm him down some.”

“I hope so too. I’ve got a mission he's putting me on tomorrow. A first real mission! Not some lame patrol thing or something that leaves me stuck in the base!” A twinge of panic hit your chest at his words. A ‘new recruit’ only being here for five months and being placed on a mission? You couldn’t help but be suspicious and extremely worried. Missions are usually reserved for people who have been here long and have shown their worth. A sinking feeling boiled in your gut.

“Oh? Wow. Not many people get to go on missions this early here…especially not with someone as young as yourself.” You try to hide the uneasiness you feel inside. He didn’t need to see you start panicking. Maybe overhaul got him mixed up with another recruit. He’d been extremely overloaded with stress recently, so maybe he got something mixed up.

“Really?! So he must think I'm doing a great job! That’s perfect!”

“Yeah…perfect.”

~~~

The uneasy feeling never left since you last talked to Gushiken. You desperately wanted to tell him that he shouldn’t take the mission. But, he seemed so determined to prove his worth that you didn’t have the heart in you to crush it in front of him. Plus, it was definitely a misunderstanding. No way Overhaul would put him on a mission so early.

You haven’t seen Gushiken since your guys talk. Which would have been 5 days after today. It really bothered you not knowing how it went or how it was going. You wanted to ask Overhaul, but he'd probably say it was none of your business like always. Maybe you could ask Hari? That’s if you can catch him. He’s even more busy than he was before! He says good morning, passing by you and running to his next task. How he hasn’t collapsed you’ll never know.

“(Y/N)?” The sound of the door opening made you look sit up from your bed. Hari stood outside with his mask hidden in his pocket. A distressed face looked back at you.

“Oh Hari! What do you need? You seem upset?” You go to get up only to be stopped mid-action.

“I think you should sit down.” With your brows furrowed, you look at him before slowly sitting back down.

“What's going on?” Closing the door behind him, he hid something behind his back. Continuing to hide it until he sat next to you on the bed. He sent you another sorrowful look before pulling out a familiar mask from behind his back.

“I’m sorry (Y/N), but he’s not coming back.” Handing you the mask that should have concealed the face of Gushiken.

“I-I don’t understand…Where is he? This has to be a joke. A sick joke right?” You looked at Hari pleading that what he was implying was a lie.

“Please tell me it’s a joke, Hari.”

“I’m sorry. He’s not coming home.” Your heart stopped as you looked at the man in front of you with wide eyes. Tears soon pour down your face like a facet as you grip the mask tight. Begging this to be a horrible nightmare. You couldn’t have another important person to you ripped away without a second thought. You should have told him how you felt, tell him not to go on that stupid mission. Now he was gone, and you failed to protect someone you cared about once more.

“(Y/N) there's a random man on the couch again. He’s scary.” The sound of your little brother's voice broke through your slumber.

“Really? Hmm.” You struggle to understand why your mother allowed another random man into her home. Into a home she shared with her two children.

“Here, you can sleep with me. Does that sound good?” You sent a small smile to your brother. Without being told twice, your brother got into your bed. You felt the covers shift as he scooted closer to you. A quiet sigh left your lips as you held him in your arms. Making sure that he felt safe.

“I’ll always protect you. I’ll never let anyone hurt you.” The moonlight shone through your shades, giving your room a comforting glow. A feeling as if you were shielded by the cruel world outside your bedroom door.

“I promise, that I’ll protect you till my dying breath. As long as I’m alive, you’ll never need to fear.”

“Where is Overhaul?”

~~~

The sound of his office door bursting open and hitting the wall caused his thoughts to escape. He looked at the entrance and saw a fuming woman with angry tears rolling down her face. Her body shook as hatred flooded her eyes.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” His words only seemed to fuel her rage as she stomped up to his desk.

“I could say the same! How could you send someone so young to go on such a dangerous mission?!”

“Ah, you must be talking about that recruit-”

“Gushiken Taro! That was his name!” You grit your teeth at your husband's words.

“He was an expendable. We needed a distraction for the mission.”

“He was a someone! He wasn’t just some pawn! He was someone who had his whole life in front of him, only for you to sniff it out!” Slamming the boy's mask on the desk. Getting up from his desk, he looked at you with annoyance. Clearly, you were taking this loss to personally, and that mask you held didn’t help.

“Give me that mask. It’s making you unreasonably upset.” Your husband reached out, only for you to jerk it away quickly.

“Don’t touch it!” A frown was evident from behind his mask as he tried again, yet failing.

“Damnit (Y/N)! Give me that fucking mask!” Taking off his glove, you held the mask tighter to your chest. You weren't gonna let him take away the last thing you had left of him.

“Give. It. To. Me. Now!” With another reach, you move your body to cover the body. As soon as his fingers touched your skin, a searing pain hit you. Every nerve explodes with excruciating pain. It felt as if every cell in your body was being pulled apart. The pain felt so long, yet it could have only been a few seconds before you felt your body quickly being put back together.

Your body hit the ground with a loud thud. You threw up from the sheer shock, and you could see a small amount of blood even through your teary vision. The mask you had just held dear right next to the door.

“(Y/N) I-I..”

“You…killed me…” You saw him move closer to you, but you scoot away in fear, your back hitting the wall in the process.

“Don’t come near me! Get away!” You cried in terror as your heartbeat echoed in your ears.

“(Y/N) Please, I-”

“You really are a monster.” The man above you looked at you in shock. His golden eyes showing more emotion than you’ve ever seen since your wedding with him. You stood up as you hugged the wall, trying to get as far away from him as possible.

“It was an accident (Y/N), I promise!” You only shook your head as you looked into his eyes.

“For all these years, months, and days, I told myself that you were my cure. That someday, the love of my life would come back to me. That one day, Overhaul would die, and Kai would come back.” Your voice shaky as the air in the office felt poisonous.

“But now…I see that I was a fool. A pathetic, weak fool who held onto false hopes. Trying to pick up the pieces of promises that you broke as you destroyed anything that got in the way of your plan. Destroying everything that the man I once knew would never think of doing. Even through that, I stuck beside you. Because I remember you telling me you’d love me till your dying breath. I was a fool to believe you. I was a fool…for thinking anyone could fall in love with me.” Your body shook violently as you struggled to get air in your lungs.

“You're so cruel. Telling me lies. Calling me horrible names. Hurting me. I-”

“Please (Y/N) forgive me-”

“No. Not anymore. I hate you, Overhaul, and I hate you, Kai Chisaki. I wish I never met you.” Without another word, you grabbed the mask by the door and ran out of the office. Your footsteps echo in the halls, along with your sobs.

~~~

Gushiken's favorite place in the entire compound was the cherry blossom that stood in the backyard. He said that he’d go there to relieve stress from the work day. Saying the falling petals were his worries leaving him as he’d look up to the bright blue sky.

Knowing that, you decided to bury what was left of him right beside the trunk. That way, he will always be at his favorite spot. Watching the petals fall from the beautiful tree and looking up at the sky for eternity. You could even see the other pretty flowers you planted on his grave from on top of the compound roof.

Hari was out on a mission before you were able to give him his letter. You poured the rest of the love you had to give into the letter. You supposed it was for the best. It makes things easier for him later. You hate to leave him without answers, but…

A shaky breath left your lips as tears poured down your face. The wind blew them off your cheeks with each breeze. Its cold bite attacking your skin as your hair flowed slightly through the wind. The faint smell of cherry blossoms in bloom surrounded you.

Looking up at the night sky, you see the moon watching you from above. With trembling legs, you moved closer to the edge of the compound roof. You simply wished to get a better look. You reached your hand out as if to touch the moon. A smile appears on your tear-ridden face.

“Finally. After all these years, I can be with you, my dear friend.” With a final exhale of breath, you step over the haunting edge of the roof. For once, a sense of peace embraced you as gravity played its part and pulled you back down to the ground.

The moon and stars shined brighter as they danced around the new star in the sky, the long awaited friend of the moon.

#overhaul x reader #chisaki kai x reader #mha #bnha #overhaul #chisaki kai #kai chisaki #bnha overhaul #mha overhaul #overhaul angst #mha angst #bnha angst #tw death #tw: suicide #tw: blood #tw: abuse

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