#I've been freaking the fuck out about money but it will literally be fine as soon as I get my first check of Janurary which will be on the-

[robocops-a-christ-allegory]

I think Im starting to want to get back into playing video games, I should check out whats cheap on steam //remembers that after rent and the internet bill this month Im literally gonna have like $50 left in the bank// hey you know what I never really got that far in OFF and its getting the remaster now I think its time for me to play OFF

[funky-lizard-imp]

SINSMAS MAJOR SPOILERS!

I haven't seen too much of it on here but I've seen a lot of it on Tik Tok so I wanna fucking say something about it.

People are saying that Millie cheated on Moxxie and that's why she was panicking and didn't tell him right away when she found out and I am willing to bet everything I have that is not what happened.

People's arguments are that she called Sallie May first and was freaking out like she's realising she can't hide it anymore, but that's not what I got from her reaction at all. It is very normal for people to freak out and panic during first time pregnancies, especially if it was unplanned which I'm willing to bet that this is. And I also think it's pretty normal to first tell someone that you're close with, but isn't very directly involved, like a friend, or in this case, her sister.

Millie might not know how Moxxie is going to react, because even though I think he'd be very supportive and happy and be a great dad, having your own kid can be different, and telling someone literal life changing news like this for the first time can be scary even if you think they would be happy so I think its reasonable that Millie talked to Sallie first.

There are also other reasons why Millie could have been panicking about having a baby, and the one I'm seeing the most is their job. Raising a baby or being pregnant while being a literal assassin can be very dangerous, and Millie might not want to give up her job for the baby and I swear to god if I see anyone calling her selfish for that you're getting blocked instantly because shut the actual fuck up that's also pretty normal. I don't think anyone would say that but just making sure.

Millie also might not be ready to be a mother. Again, a pretty common thing and a pretty normal reaction in that situation.

So my money is on Millie is just scared and nervous because it was unplanned, its new, and she might possibly be scared of raising a kid in a very dangerous business. She's scared herself and still coming to terms with it so she might not be in the right head space to tell Moxxie immediately, but I bet when she does, he is going to be very supportive and happy, and reassure her that everything will be fine. He might even freak out a bit himself, but like I said, that's pretty normal. And I bet they would be great parents and Blitz and Stolas would be great babysitters.

Also, I feel like if she did cheat, there would be a bit more proof and foreshadowing. I know you don't usually recognise foreshadowing until after watching something and going back, but hear me out. When that demon lady was talking about her husband cheating, Stolas was really guilty. I feel like if Millie cheated, they would put more signs, and I feel like they would have her in the background looking very slightly guilty at the moment as well. It's kinda nonsense but at the same time it also makes sense because most plot twists have subtle hints of it before hand so it doesn't completely come out of the blue and people can spot all the signs on a rewatch. I think if Millie cheated, some good foreshadowing would be that and that wasn't there. Again, it's nonsense, but it's part of my defense.

So, in conclusion, I don't think Millie cheated, and stop finding reasons to hate her because I'm convinced that's what some of these people are doing. Her reaction and calling Sallie May is very reasonable and normal when you put more than one ounce of thought into it, and I can't believe I even had to say all this in the first place.

Good day.

[frozen-heart]

Thoughts on episode 8

Here we go again! Lots of thoughts & feelings.. So let's go!

I won't lie I was gagged when I first watched this episode. I was on the edge of my seat!

But now that I've had time to let it sit in my brain I just can't help but think that it was... lacking.. It wasn't bad, but was it good?

Reveal

I once mentioned before how I didn't want it to be Wes, but I was still shocked when he did his thing this episode.. Mrs Langsberry being Bloody Rose was fine. She was suspicious from the start, but I had other theories that I liked more. But it definitely makes sense with Tabby being the final girl.

I don't really know if I like Wes as the big bad. I didn't dislike it, as much as I thought I would before I watched this episode. But other theories captured my heart more..

Kelly

I'm glad Kelly survived. I was sure she would and here we are :D

I still don't get why Bloody Rose attacked her. It was so random, even for this movie plot thing. It didn't fit Bloody Rose at all. And then Bloody Rose standing there and watching Faran go in to save Kelly? Go girl give us nothing.

I'm sad they cut Kelly's storyline short. As if Kelly's mom just needed to have a talk with Kelly to stop literally ABUSING her?! And the weird reactions from the girls, when Kelly said there was no more prayer closet time with her mom gave me an ick.

I was also weirded out how she's suddenly included again after Imogen THREATENED to make her life a living hell. And Kelly got over her cult mindset and trauma way to quickly!

I loved her hug with Faran and I hope these two end up together. I've been shipping them since season 1.

Also, not that I care, but where was Greg? That storyline with Faran and Greg is just left in the open. Did Kelly find out? Did they just have a one time thing?? Hello?

Imogen & Johnny

The whole time after Imogen attacked Johnny I was screaming internally for someone to get him out of the fucking freezer T_T That poor guy. I thought Imogen killed him 100%! I thought that would carry out into season 3! But no.. Why didn't she call the police? I mean even in Rosewood, which has the worst police department in history, they were called when dead bodies showed up! I love Imogen, but that was so stupid. I get freaking out on Johnny and I can still excuse her knocking him out, but anything after? Questionable. Choices were made. Still love her tho.

I'm a bit sad because I came to love their relationship, despite it being rushed. I don't think they would get back together, but who knows with this show.

Dr Sullivan

I actually can't believe they butchered Dr Sullivan's character. I know she's a crappy therapist! But you can't make me believe she's so money hungry that she does all of this for a fucking book! She felt like a totally different character! In the original PLL she was still helpful and kind to the Liars and in this she had some good bonding moments with Imogen..

Why was she kidnapped in the first place? That was so random. And stopping therapy is like the last thing the Liars need. Especially Tabby and Imogen. Why is Tabby's mom okay with them stopping therapy?

I also can't get over this timeline with Archie/Dr Sullivan and the og show. It still feels out of character for Archie to randomly kill her son and only now killing her. I gotta admit it was brutal to murder her without answering her question about her son, but that whole story felt like a lie.

Clanton

AND PLEASE WHERE IS CLANTON??? It always seemed like Archie killed, because Clanton ordered it. Archie isn't actually A, Clanton is. He's the mastermind behind it. And it seems like that whole thing was just dropped?

I also thought Bloody Rose would have a bigger team. I mean it had this while Bloody Rose cult, but besides Wes and Mrs Langsberry, there was no one else involved that we knew or cared about. That was a bit dissapointing.

Jen/Noa

I was hoping till the end that Jen turns out to be evil. Especially when she accused Christian and Johnny of being suspicious, as if she hadn't suddenly turned up in Millwood as well?! That was so suspicious and I hoped they would follow through... The bar is so low and they still didn't deliver. Why did they wait until the last episode to TRY to make Jen likable?

Noa/Jen/Shawn storyline was really the biggest failure of this season and really dragged the quality down for me. As if there were no consequences for Noa and Jen after stealing money and wrecking Shawn's car?? Then Noa stealing a car (which was justified in that situation). How are these two not in jail right now???

Overall

I feel like the episode had a good pace until the time jump they did after Tabby's test. It was way to rushed!

I think I'll have to rewatch this episode. Maybe the whole season to really know whether to like it or not. For now I actually think I prefer season 1 overall, which is really surprising to me. When the first two episodes came out I was sure I would love this season more. I know many hated the reveal of season 1. I don't remember my initial thoughts I had back then, but I still think I preferred that reveal for now. Even if it was a random twin situation 😭

And where was Ash?? I thought he would have a bigger part in the reveal.. Where were the moms? Where were the parents overall this season??

That's it for now. I hope I didn't miss anything. Maybe I'll have more thoughts after rewatching the entire season

[captainimprobable]

I've known i had a sleep disorder for like 13 years, but didn't get diagnosed with anything til last year, and until LITERALLY THIS WEEK even though it's been hard and even though I've cried over it multiple times, I've been able to be like "hehe haha i have sleepy bitch disease" but i just suddenly realized that i actually have a real, tangible disability. And I KNEW that, and I was never hung up on that word or anything, but I've been fine bc sure it's been impacting my life, but I've always managed to hold down jobs right??? And then I thought about it. I managed at Trader Joe's bc I was active all the time. So I thought "oh, okay, while i get this disorder under control, I can work retail". Except I realized that a) this disorder will never be under control, and b)i worked retail before the disorder got WORSE, like it has gotten the last couple years. because when I worked it before, sure i was tired, but because i was always moving I was fine. But NOW I also get these waves of extreme exhaustion that mean i need to take a nap RIGHT THEN, and if I don't, I get really sick. So. How am I supposed to work a retail job if there's a chance I'll be incapacitated for at least an hour in the middle of my shift? And when I worked the office job? That was remote. And looking back, I slept half the work day. (I always got my work done anyway, but NO it was not ok to sleep through the work day. I know.) So now here I am, almost 6 months unemployed, about to run out of unemployment money, JUST NOW realizing that it is not physically possible to work. And meanwhile, everyone around me just acts like either "oh haha isnt everyone tired" or like Im overdramatic and making it up. So I went on to a facebook group for people like me, and asked for advice. Every response was "Sorry, no, this never gets better! Also I haven't worked in years! Good luck! <3" And now I'm looking at the rest of my life and realizing im always going to be this way. Im always going to be living at half speed. I will never actually be able to live up to my full potential. How am I ever supposed to work? How do I make money? I've been so hopeful and blase about this whole thing for years and suddenly its not so chill anymore. I'm SO fucking SCARED and Im looking for literally any answer or any help and there is none. You can try medication, but it doesnt always work (and im doing that. and its not working.) Otherwise, ig you just...pray?????? I literally cannot feel this way forever. I cant. That is just not a life at all. What the FUCK am i supposed to do??? (And now Im freaking out bc when this all started i would fall asleep while driving. That hasnt happened since college but what if it changes? What if I cant drive anymore? So many people with these problems simply are not allowed to drive. What the fuck do I do oh my god)

[mysteriouswolf]

Adding a read more cause it's literally just my random thoughts and a bit of a vent:

Being acespec and arospec as a minor fucking sucks. Because if I even begin to mention it to anyone besides some of my close friends, I get shut down with "but you're only *insert age*. Things change as you get older. You'll want those things someday."

And it hurts. It hurts it hurts it hurts because I KNOW. SEXUALITY IS FLUID. I KNOW THIS OKAY? And I don't need you to tell me that. I just- I want to be met with "okay. If you never want those things, that's fine. You're your own person who gets to choose what they want and what they don't."

I know things might change. But I want support for who I am now. Because I hate to break it to you, but almost everyone I know has had at least a crush, if not a first kiss and a romantic relationship by this time. And I don't want one. I don't have any interest at ALL. And I don't remember really ever truly wanting it except for wanting to fit in with other people.

I dunno why I'm so suddenly upset about this. I haven't even came out to anyone recently. It's just hitting right now and I don't know why

Oh wait fuck I need to take my meds. Wait this makes so much more sense now. That's why I'm freaking out--OHHHHHHH WAIT OKAY IMMA GO DO THAT

I'm not expecting anyone to really read this besides maybe Royal, Char, or Geode. If you're here and actually made it this far, hi lmao.

The other thing that bothers me a lot is just like- I have this one friend that I've had since 7th grade. They're really kind and supportive, but they've got a lot of shit they deal with in their personal life too. (Home issues, anxiety, anorexia, etc). And so I'm always there to support them because I care about them so fucking much and they really care about me. And if I ever need help, I can go to them and they won't question it.

It's just- they've like...been infected with romance-fever. For the past year. And it's all they wanna talk about, and usually that's fine because it *usually* isn't repulsive to me. But sometimes it is and I feel like they don't know how to communicate with me otherwise

Also random side note. They like guys. I don't find guys at ALL attractive (very rarely I get aesthetic attraction towards a guy but usually it's like one on the Internet or a fictional character lol) but they wanna show me whoever they're currently dating and I don't know how to react. I'm just like...yeah. cool.

And for the record, I'm not gonna stop being their friend. I care about them too much for that. And this literally won't even be an issue anymore cause I don't think I'll have any classes with them next year and they're mainly a school friend so whY IS THIS STILL BOTHERING ME

Oh

Wait

It's cause it's 10pm and I literally just took my meds. They haven't done their magic yet

Right

Okay. Good. Then my brain will go back to normal soon.

You get a picture of Rosie is you actually made it this far into the post. I'm impressed lmao.

Imma go listen to some music until my brain shuts off now. That's probably a good idea. I'll probably put on your cover of Well It's Better Than The Alternative Royal because it's stuck in my head and it's really nice to hear someone singing who isn't doing it to like. make money. Just to sing and make their friend happy cause sing. :)

Idk if that made any sense. Okay. I did a shit ton of work today. I didn't know setting up a fish tank for the first time was so much work. But not I am tired.

Byeeee

-Mysterious

P.S. I found a really pretty shell today :333 Also wtf does P.S. stand for???

[magustiel]

Like, you guys are getting it, right?

The US has become the bad guy. Or, in the very least, the swordbearing money factory for the bad guy. And you know deep down, left or right, everybody knew that, they just didn't know how to perceive how depending on their beliefs. You protested wars, funding strange projects while forgetting the common people. You pointed at the Kremlin in the right but forgot all about the Zionists in the left; and once that was forgotten, why, it was antisemitic to even talk about things we all well knew and protested 3 or 4 presidencies ago.

You are the amnesia generation. Influenced by thoughts long trained against a studied cultural psyche in the west, reacting without understanding, fighting faces you can think to recognize as Most Important more than broadly transnational ideologies that are infections. One twitter fight at a time, accidentally arguing their nonsense to the top until everything is a parody and nothing matters or is real.

For example. I support Ukraine. I want Ukraine independent and have deeply protected their people from Russia over the last year. On the other hand, I recognize exactly why Israel is about to suddenly start funding the hell out of them while the US crashes out and shuts down federal aid, and their AI lab of chip control idea just got sunk by China. They're trying to maintain a figure to work through in the West, Ukraine is adored, and they will repeat the process there until ripped out as well. It will save Ukraine as we want, which is good, while Putin's Russia collapses and the Kremlin are quietly swept.

These are the motions to truly pay attention to beneath all the articles with suggestive anchor phrases, or twitter reports that replace responsible cabinets with 'Trump did', or whatever method the half correct and confusing information spreads. Russia for example is known for a 60/40 tactic; what they say is 60% true 40% false, but the 40% by repetition is normalized into the dialogue until it can grow into the next point.

We have our own mistakes to face, guys. A lot of them, really. And it will, in fact, take us all pushing ourselves different ways. Each person in their own capacity, at their own limit, but if you're doing Literally Nothing during this, then you're part of the problem why we're here. I don't care if you're disabled, I don't care if you have goddamn anxiety, I truly don't. So do I. We're at an Armageddon-shaped event and fascist takeover holding off all dying in nuclear warfare from WWIII. There are truly bigger things to consider than if your back hurts to sit a few hours doing something to help. Literally, fucking. Anything. Find a thing.

Don't know a thing, after all I've been posting? That's fucking fine. Search yourself inside for the fucking thing, because the lack of self reflection on how to be awake and involved with your community is literally why we've fucked ourselves until we're hostages to our own splintered inaction. That's literally the plot, if you didn't fucking notice.

You can be as mad at the right as you want, but at the end of the day I learned how to turn them on themselves to do what the left literally refused to get done, and now everything's in the fucking upside down and everybody's complaining. You think I'm not motherfucking mcfuckingtired after this last year?

So if you do nothing else, figure out where your reactive habits have contributed to landing us here, the refusal to stop trying to control the immediate situation for marginal illusions of gain that can be removed by a penstroke, while often protecting the very system you pretended to understand to hate.

And now as the empire begins to shake and fall down, you freak out to protect it again! Reverse it!! GET MY FAVORITE BLORBO IN THERE TO PRETEND THE WORLD IS NORMAL A FEW MORE YEARS.

For what? You to anxiety rage in a dying late capitalist system a few more years while waiting for the globe to boil you off or like, what's the plan here kids?

Lying to yourselves asleep because the future was too scary to face, and our complicity in it so far too large to account for to find the truth in the haze, and even know where or how to fight.

It wasn't about truth for anyone anymore, or what was right. It was about signaling about doing what was right, but protecting their personal comforts and boundaries or expectations. And at the end of the day, you know I'm right.

I've made clear where my beliefs are on things like personal rights, identity, and all good things; I will not bare repeating it beyond laying the line of ignoring any comment intending to accuse me of anything other than I am, for simply laying out the basic idea of national accountability.

Because if you don't sit and break down how deeply you have been gamed, you will continue to be gamed. Bots, propaganda, divisive messaging using ad targeting style methods, and you know how invasive that really is. They know exactly how to keep you all divided and yet you refuse to stop fighting the circle they have created for you, insisting that the online noise alone is justice, rather than free labor for their marketing and social engineering.

It's time to stop trying to control everything immediately. To let go, just a bit, and scroll out.

I will say this. Someone, somewhere--I wonder what that guy would look like, probably someone that knew them at some point--convinced Biden and Kamala to do the right thing. They left the lights on.

We're ripping you out at the root, bitch. In every dimension.

I chose not to run from my personal Satan anymore, as that is what she made herself. Now it's your turn, as I hold them for you in ways you can only try to begin to understand.

[writingreadingdaydreaming]

random ask, but you know how some people say that declan is like a pr footballer, in the sense that everything he says seems media trained and planned to perfection to paint him in the best light?

well, i was thinking about your omega declan headcanon and the trauma he had to go through becoming a mum as a teen along with actually going into labour and now i'm thinking of declan in omegaverse trying to become the squeaky clean, ultra-perfect, never-puts-a-foot-wrong omega footballer in everything that he does because in his head he's already done so much wrong. like yeah, he loves his son and wouldn't trade him for the world and being a footballer means he has enough money and resources to take care of him, yet he still feels like a failure because his son is growing up without his father in his life and declan is always away for a match whether it's for club or country and he feels as if his son barely knows him. then there's the whole trauma with nesting, something that should be innate and comforting for omegas but it just freaks him the hell out after everything that's happened.

so now its like, he can't be a good mother to his son, he can't be a good omega because he's broken inside, so the only thing left is football and if he fucks that up, then he literally has nothing left.

so he puts on a smile for the media, answers their questions with the words they want to hear while simultaneously not giving too much away for the sake of his club. he speaks to all of his teammates, gets to know them on and off the pitch, gets close to them so they see him as a warm friendly figure and interacts with their social media post so everyone can see what a welcoming individual he is. he speaks highly of his teammates, speaks highly of his manager, always comes off as humble and grateful for the journey he's been on and where he's reached so far. but he also makes sure that they know that he's talented, that he can put the words and hopes into action on the pitch, can command the midfield and doesn't allow himself to be bullied around. they sometimes catch some pictures of him with his son (i am so sorry but i've completely forgotten his name!) and the media run some whole "from midfield to motherhood" type saga on the pages when they get photographed and it gives declan the opportunity to gush about his son and talk about balancing motherhood with playing. when they ask him if it gets too much, if he has to choose between the two what will happen, his perfect glowing smile falters and his eye twitches slightly, but not enough to give anything away. he tells them that it is impossible to choose, and he's not lying.

it's all so utterly exhausting trying to be perfect. but declan had already used up all his mistakes, was practically in debt from it so he had no choice but to be perfect.

Just wanna start by saying when I saw this anon I literally screamed cause I scrolled and it just kept going and going with all this stuff I have been wanting to talk about for ages but never got the chance to so thank you so fucking much.

And just for reference Declan’s son is called Callum, but it’s honestly fine that you forgot, I haven’t talked about it enough for anyone but me to remember 🤣

And honestly I love this perspective on it. Getting pregnant at 14 (and giving birth at 15) would make anyone feel like a failure from the get go, especially when that pregnancy results in him being released from the Chelsea academy. He had to claw his way back into the sport and he’s so grateful for everything because it was almost ripped away from him so violently. But there’s still a weight in his stomach watching Callum’s subtle reaction when Declan tells him that he’s gonna have to spend the next two nights with his grandparents or with his uncle Mark (Noble). It’s slight but it’s there. A silent disappointment and acceptance that’s especially strong on European nights or days in Merseyside or Tyneside. Callum is by far old enough to understand why, but it doesn’t quite take the sting out of it all the time.

As for the situation between Declan, Callum, and Callum’s father - Callum’s biological dad actually is in his life, but not in a meaningful way. He’s pretty emotionally abusive and manipulative. Him and Declan aren’t dating, but he’s scared to not let him around Callum, plus the fact that he abused Declan during his pregnancy too. But he does this grand show of turning up at their front door every few months, staying for a few days or a couple weeks and managing to win them both over again before deciding that he’s had enough fun and leaving without a trace again. Callum has grown to resent his dad and it’s a big source of arguments between Callum and Declan.

The thing about nesting is that it’s not as big of an issue for Callum as it is for Declan. Callum has other omegas in his life who can show him how to nest, and he knows how to make one and why they’re beneficial - he just personally chooses not to do it very often on the off-chance that his mom wonders into his room, sees a nest, and freaks out (these ‘freak outs’ actually being PTSD flashbacks from having a severe haemorrhage and believing his son was dead while giving birth in a hospital nest). It bothers Declan far more than it bothers Callum, because Declan has the added stressor of knowing how good nesting used to feel for him - I mean, he basically spent his entire pregnancy in his nest - and knowing that the feeling has been long destroyed.

And ultimately, yeah, Declan is the perfect omega footballer. Aggressive and passionate on the pitch but perfectly humble and funny off of it. He’s digestible. Doesn’t get involved in controversy or mishaps. Just a little cookie cutter of what omega players can and should be. And it’s not like he’s fake or putting on a different personality, cause he’s not, but it’s more like constantly trying to be in a good and bubbly mood, even when he’s on the verge of a panic attack cause he unexpectedly walked in on one of his omega teammates preparing a nest for after the game.

One thing he’s become very good at is controlling his scent and hiding his basically constant anxiety from the media.

And a midfield to motherhood piece? Well that would just put the cherry on the cake. Personal questions are thrown at him and his PR wall starts to crumble. By this point, Callum would be around 10, meaning that he’s still a kid but getting to the age where he’s starting to hit puberty and hormonal changes happen aka Declan and Callum are fighting a lot more than they used to. Also ramped up a million times by the fact that Callum is really badly struggling with Mason leaving for Manchester and not being a constant grounding force in both his and his mom’s life. Callum is developing an attitude and Declan’s patience is wearing thin, and that’s is never a good combo. So while he’s gushing to some journalist and how he wouldn’t change anything about his family for the world, he knows that his son doesn’t say ‘I love you’ to him before he goes to sleep anymore.

But you’re right. He’s already in debt with mistakes. Failed his parents, failed his Chelsea coaches, currently failing his son.

I know you didn’t mention this but another thing would be that during all this, Declan is dealing with an insane amount of internalised homophobia and comphet, and struggling to accept the fact that he’s actually a lesbian. And not only a lesbian, but a lesbian that is in love with his omega best friend, Mason Mount (Mason is openly a lesbian, but refuses to process that he is also in love with Declan, cause he’s under the presumption that Declan is straight). And that’s a whole other can of worms on top of an already swarming garden of pests.

Declan kind of feels like a porcelain doll who will shatter at a strong wind. Shame is he just doesn’t know when that wind is coming.

God I absolutely LOVED writing this so if you or anyone else has any other questions about omega Declan Rice or omegaverse in general please spam the inbox!!!

[thessalian]

Thess vs Pronouns

Leaving off from the liveblogging for a minute ... let's talk ... gods, I don't even want to call them 'gamers'. I guess Gamers (TM) does well enough. Or TEH GAMERS, I dunno. Something suitably sarcastic about those who make gaming and toxic masculinity their entire personality.

So Baldur's Gate 3 comes out of early access and onto general release and TEH GAMERS start freaking out about the character creation menu. Why? Because pronouns - and how you can choose the genitalia of your character separate from said pronouns and overall gender presentation. Most of them are tearing their hair out about party members flirting with your character whatever gender you're playing and "feeling like they're forced to sex up men" and not understanding how just plain optional all that shit is. But there's still a certain air of, "Hey, at least we've got Starfield coming! Starfield won't go woke on us! Todd gets us! It'll be okay!"

And then Starfield also lets you choose your pronouns separate from gender presentation. And the freak-out redoubles. They bitch moan whine about how "Bethesda's gone WOOOOOOOKE!" and how it's disgusting and why would they do that and blah.

I'm just trying to figure out why the option offends and scares them so much.

Like ... you don't want your character to bone a guy? Just ... have your character say they're not interested. It's fine. Never comes up again.

As to the pronouns ... well, I mean ... just ... match pronouns to gender presentation, and then never think about it again, maybe? If you're getting wildly, hair-tearingly offended by the character creation screen, over one little option that need never be considered again...

I mean, it's ludicrous, honestly, the mental gymnastics they do. Like, someone said, "Well, they need to know the pronouns. What are NPCs going to call you?" and the response was, "...Our name?" Now, I don't know if Starfield sticks you with a generic character name. But in games where they don't stick you with a character name, say like Baldur's Gate 3 ... how the fuck much coding and voice acting would it take to include every single name that has ever been, especially those that people just made up because that collection of syllables sounds good, and implement it in dialogue? And even then, we don't use people's names at all times when we're talking about them. Like, Hawke is Hawke. So when NPCs and companions refer to Hawke, that's the name they use. But there's a reason that DA2 never refers to Hawke by their first name, despite being able to choose it at character creation - not even their family! You get "Brother" or "Sister", Gamlen sticks with, "That troublemaker of yours", and Leandra sticks with pet names. Either way, whether your character has a standardised name or not (like "Hawke" or "Shepard", or a title like "Warden", "Inquisitor", or "Pathfinder"), eventually you're going to get to a point where NPCs need to use a pronoun because no one uses someone's name repeatedly in conversation when a pronoun exists. And TEH GAMERS would just freak out if people used "they/them" for their precious character. Because "MORE WOKENESS", when that's literally all we have to refer to someone whose gender is unknown or uncertain.

Plus it's the hypocrisy that gets to me. For decades I've been hearing these people be all snotty about those of us who are tired of playing YAGWD in every single damn game, and long for character creation screens. They're all, "Well, playing it is optional" and "ARTISTIC VISION" and all of that.

Well, TEH GAMERS? Playing these games is optional for you too. If having more options in character creation than you are personally unwilling to use upsets you so fucking much? Maybe this game isn't for you. I don't pretend that games studios, AAA or not, are actual friends and allies. But they're seeing where the money is and going for our cash instead of yours. They don't need your cash. If you think the gaming industry is dying by becoming more inclusive? Then do what you always tell us to do when we're begging for scraps of representation - either tolerate the way the gaming space is now, or leave it.

You want to play a MANLY MAN? Then go ahead! That option still exists too! But please for the love of fuck shut up about pronouns. EVERYTHING HAS PRONOUNS. Gendered beings have gendered pronouns, so your MANLY MAN has fucking pronouns, okay? Most of us would say your pronouns are "he/him" but I personally think your pronouns are "ass/hole". Now take a breath, put on your big boy undergarments, and either put up with there being options that aren't there for you, or leave. There's the door.

[turtlemagnum]

ok so, yugioh is essentially a fantasy story, right? perhaps an urban fantasy of sorts, but given how the final parts take place in a magical recreation of ancient egypt where the pharoah is transported back into it forced to relive those events, with said events including having a team of literal mages who use actual magic, all without even having to use trading cards!! like yeah that's fantasy, just one that centers ancient egypt as opposed to an ancient europe/vaguely europe knockoff setting. what i'm getting at here is, you know how in fantasy stories that involve a king in some form in a positive manner, you've just gotta sorta suspend your disbelief that monarchy is on some level legitimate and that the monarch isn't inherently a massive piece of shit just for being in an innately authoritarian position. and that's fine, you can do that, and you just gotta hope that your audience can discern for themselves that while monarchy sucks irl, you don't gotta worry about that here because it's, y'know, fiction. imo it's just something best left unaddressed if that's the kinda story you're going for, though personally that's not the kind of story i intend on telling, but that's besides the point. what really sucks, and often does the opposite of the intended effect for me, is when the story tries to justify the monarchy, or at least the specific monarch. like no no no you dont understand bro, the pharoah's actually a really cool guy, it's just his scheming advisor that did all that evil stuff that made the bad guy, he didn't even know that he did that dude. if you've read yugioh, you know what i'm alluding here assuming you have a decent recollection of the ending arc. the pharoah (and his father before him) were honest to god genuinely good guys, and the reason the thief king's village got murdelized was because of a scheming advisor, and of course this happened before the pharoah even came to the throne, and of course his father didn't even know that this happened, much less giving the kill order himself. and we're expected to just accept this, when the series starts up with the pharoah finding basically any excuse to do some fucked up shit to someone. and like, within the narrative they deserve it, and it's satisfying, but to be blunt i dont think setting two hoodlums on fire was a proportionate response to them beating up a kid and taking his money. like yeah, that's a fucked up thing to do to a kid, but it's a relatively normal teenage boy kinda fucked up, setting them on fire is serial killer fucked up. like, i've been on fire. that shit hurts. so while i don't think it's necessarily a bad thing that a monarch in fiction is a decent guy, i feel like it doesn't mesh well with how yami comes out of the box a fucked up gremlin freak, and even setting aside that, i think it would've been more interesting if, in life, the pharoah was kind of a piece of shit. hear me out here: as the series goes on, the pharoah definitely mellows out and slowly becomes a better, kinder person. i'm not sure it would've even been intended as a redemption arc, but i like the idea that being around yugi just slowly made him into a decent goddamn human being. if memory serves, it felt like a very natural transition. i think i'm comfortable saying that yami was a good person by the time we get to the last arc. so, imagine if it really did turn out that in life, he was a piece of shit, and now he has to reconcile his fucked up past with how he's grown and changed in the intervening millenia. you could even take it from the perspective that for the most part, it wasn't even a matter of active cartoonish villainy, just how he ruled his kingdom, enforced its law and order, and he's bad just due to the inherent violence in such an act. personally i think it'd make the most sense as a bit of a column a column b thing, but both result in what i'd consider to be a much more compelling character arc; one that we wouldn't even be fully aware of until the very end

[fictionallyinparadise]

Uhhh idk rambling about the f/os that source from Horror Games based on if I think I could play the game

Karl: I probably could play the game BUT I suck ass at games like RE:V and also would probably be SO gay watching his scenes In Person.

"The Pig"/Amanda: I suck at games like DBD but it'd be fun tbh.

Harvey: I absolutely would not be able to handle getting jumpscared and then cry over Harvey so probably not tbh. I love watching/listening to gameplay tho the game is beautiful

Nate: I can NOT handle the tense atmosphere of the game dude I got to like, 2 a.m. in FNAF2 and was perfectly FINE but I couldn't cope 😭

Miles: I could play the game absolutely but like some scares might get me. Also I'd cry about all the bullshit my boy goes through.

Abraham: If I choose to ignore the ending I absolutely could play the game lmao. Best part is I'm 90% sure I couldn't fuck up and get my babyboy killed sooo. We love to see it!

Itward and Paltronas: I would have a BLAST playing this game holy fuck I wanna play it so bad. I don't CARE that I've watched like so many different playthroughs!!! It's THAT good!!!

Glamrock Freddy: I think I could handle this game because it's less like the OGs in terms of like, atmosphere but still got stuff that could scare me so! Idk.

Allison and Tom: Idk I'm mixed. I like, haven't finished watching playthroughs of the game bc I lost interest in it?? Don't ask how they became f/os if I kept losing interest in the game I cannot explain.

Daniel: Probably? Idk how much horror is in his game though. Either way it'd be quirky.

HUNK: Same as Karl except I don't have to fight him (I think) but get to go "awooga train whistle heart eyes ba-dump ba-dump" the second he shows up.

V.I.C.: I could for like a few first days of the game but then I'd get overwhelmed by all the orders and maintaining shit?? But the game FUCKS so hard so I think I could get over it or get a strategy.

Luna: I absolutely couldn't like I'm too worried about my wife getting snatched by BITCHES. But I do love the investigation aspect of the game so if I ever did get the money to play it I'd just play the mode where it's just solving shit.

Lucas: Absolutely not I'm too stupid for the gameplay and I'd fucking scream seeing ANY jumpscare. Also the game is so fucking difficult I could not handle it.

Dana and Emma: I think I could but the SECOND that motherfucker rolls up with that music and shit I'd fucking lose it.

Colt: I suck at stealth but I think I could tbh. It's a type of style I'd love to play but like, I just suCK at stealth.

Rebecca: I would love to omg. The way the game is different for every player and playthrough LIKEEEE. On the other hand if like, the demons did some shit or I didn't notice the Mimic until too late I'd fucking lose it.

Eugene: No, which is on the entire basis that I am deeply afraid of spiders. Idc that it's a fuckign Spider Train I would freak the fuck out if I saw that fucking thing crawl at me.

Jeff: I mean I literally love playing the game so yeah absolutely <3. I can't fuCKING get past the floors after The Figure but that's because I panic and don't get in the closet.

John Doe: YESYEYSYESYEYS I would be soooo happy to play the game omg omg omg

Andrew: YES I love the game I love the style I love him and I just. It's fun.

Beastie: Fuck yeah. Except I'd purposely run at it because I love my sweet loud creacher. Also I love seeing how people animate it's jumpscares!!!

(I didn't include Pierce, Cat, and Green bc I play the games like really often. I did include Jeff bc I haven't played the game since it's been updated soo there's new things and I'm intimidated.)

[joanofexys]

ik how absolutely horrible it is interacting with college staff!!! both myself and literally all of my friends have had problems with enrollment and credits and scholarships, etc. about every semester! ive had passive aggressive arguments with advisors over emails most recently where they ignore everything i say and just tell me im wrong (i wasnt). BUT everything has always ended up working out for all of us!! unfortunately it just takes a lot of annoying communication with usually multiple different ppl to get through it but dont freak yourself out too much just yet!! IK its hard especially when they throw around deadlines but things will work out one way or another! me and my friends have gotten through 5+ semesters despite all the issues we have had to deal with. (i hope this comes off as more hopeful then anything T_T anyways im giving u a huge hug rn and telling you everything will be ok! <3)

thank you nonnie

it just feels horrible because i start school in a week. and just a few days ago my entire schedule was fine and now i'm literally not enrolled

and my fucking advisor is fucking useless cause i just got an automated message that he's no longer an advisor and doesn't respond to emails and i'll have to make an appointment with someone else

my uni's student portal still has him listed as my advisor though. no notice, no change, no nothing. i've been left with pretty much zero resources

i had to go through five different websites before i found the email for my registration office and istg i'm still spiraling but also i'm so fucking pissed because what the fuck is this shit. like i already paid for my classes. and i got zero fucking notice that they enrolled me from shit. and obviously no refund. so i'm still out a couple thousand dollars. and i can't just go to the registration and register for the class again cause that'd require me to pay again and i literally can't afford to pay for the class a second time around

and life just been Not Great lately. So yk this was kind of my last straw and if they can't fix it for me without me having to pay more money I will be dropping out

[ghost-proofbaby]

Hi ghost it's me the girl formally known as guitar anon, also formally known as a girlfriend.

So we broke up a little over a month ago. There was this whole drama with his parents and money that I don't know the whole story about. He either left their place or got kicked out I'm not sure. This all happened the day after me and him went to a concert together and I really thought everything was fine. Jokes on me I guess 🙃

But I'm telling him that he can stay at my place with me and my parents until he figures something out bc at that time I'm just freaking the fuck out and feel like my world is crashing down. Little did I know. Cause like 3 days later he's like hey I can't handle being in a relationship while I deal with all this. And like I get it. It's fucking stressful. But like all I wanted to do was help him and I felt helpless.

We still talk somewhat frequently. Less so now. He gets an apartment. He talks to his parents again. It's been like two weeks and I can barely function. He invites me to his housewarming party (which was last night). I wanted to go but I didn't want to go but I knew if I didn't I'd feel worse thinking about the what ifs. So I trudge through my shit show of a life for two more weeks and make it to yesterday.

I go with the friend that set us up and her husband. His parents are there. That hurt more than I thought it would bc I never thought I'd see them again and I somehow got it into my head that they'd be mad at me. I walk in the door and his mom is like oh I missed you and hugs me and I hug her so hard bc I literally dreamt about her a few days ago telling me that everything would be okay. I tell her I miss her too. She says maybe me and her son can get back together soon. Me and him just look at each other. Later I get so drunk I throw up. Sometime when this is happening his dad tells my friend that he's so pissed that his son broke it off with me bc I am a nice girl. They probably felt bad bc I was puking up my guts at the time too. Which I have never done before so I guess that was another first I can check off.

When we leave I hug him and tell him I miss him and he says he knows. And he says to tell my parents hi and I say well neither of them wanted me to come tonight and I couldn't quite read his face he was either upset or pissed off but I'm not gonna lie it kind of made me happy.

I don't know what to do bc I was going to tell him I loved him. And then he broke up with me but he still wants me around. Mostly. And it's drudged up a bunch of issues I thought I had dealt with and I can't think of anything else and it's driving me insane. I just don't know when to quit bc I don't want to bc we were fine and then we weren't and nothing even happened. I'm sorry if this is too much and too depressing but I went to you with all the fun stuff so you can have some of the sad too.

🙃

oh babe :-( i just wanna wrap you up in a hug.

i can sort of understand the whole "maybe i shouldn't be in a relationship while my life is crashing down", but it also just sounds like a panicked decision on his part?? part of a relationship is being there for someone through good and bad, being there for the other person when shit goes down. the downfall, of course, is that you can't force someone to let you be there for that. if someone doesn't want support, it can be nearly impossible to force it upon them, y'know?

i think if it keeps on affecting you negatively, at some point, you've got to set that boundary for yourself as well. if he's allowed to set his boundaries, so are you.

do not set yourself on fire to keep anyone else warm, no matter how much you love them - that is the best advice i've ever received.

i'm sorry, hun. i'm giving you all the virtual hugs

[usmsgutterson]

venting about problems I'm worrying about two months before they'll become problems and they're pretty insignificant anyway

having to navigate a friend group where one of my closest friends is the ex of another of my closest friends is a logistical nightmare.

I turn nineteen in january. I wanted to just do a thing with friends (bowling or dinner or a rage room or smth) and then something with family (dinner and maybe a trip to a bar with my sisters because nineteen is the legal drinking age where I am and I do want to get a liiiiiiitttle tipsy at least)

but like. I might have to just do three things because Person A ghosted Person B after like, a month and a half-two months?? of leading them on, and also Person B made Person A angry for the entire year leading up to their break up but Person A didn't say shit and so Person A is like "our relationship ended on a bad note" and Person B is just like "Person A has been ghosting me since august and took me off of the accounts we shared without warning but I'm fine, I've made peace with it even though being ghosted freaking sucks" so it's--it's all very complicated.

How do I know I'll need to plan three things if I want Person A involved in my birthday celebration?? I watched the fnaf movie with Person B and my friend Person C on the day before halloween and before we went I invited Person A and they were like "will my ex be there?" and when I was like "yeah" they were like "ugh no. why would I want to see my ex??" and mentally I was like "it is a fucking movie. can you not sit for two hours, NOT EVEN NEXT TO PERSON B and just fucking be cordial??" but I never said that bc I am nice externally and when they get angry, Person A becomes almost as terrifying as my dad does.

SO, if I want to celebrate with all of my friends, I will AT MINIMUM have to do a thing with Persons B and C, another thing with my friends L, H, C again and Person A, and then go to dinner with my parents and sisters where I will absolutely be getting drunk because I will legally be able to and all of the fucking stress and MONEY going into it?? not even slightly worth it oh my fucking word.

and it just--it kind of makes me mad because I shouldn't have to celebrate my birthday with three groups of people three or four different times. I don't have the energy to do that even slightly, and it pisses me off because how are you incapable of being calm and cordial and collected for an hour in a rage or escape room?? How are you incapable, ABSOLUTELY INCAPABLE of being cordial for the length of one dinner at Boston Pizza where I will be drinking a literal FISHBOWL of alcohol and getting so drunk that it'll be impossible not to laugh at me??? how. how can you not. just this fucking once.

and I know it probably makes me sound really selfish--I promise this isn't how I actually am, the idea of celebrating my birthday more than twice is just a LITTTTTLE nauseating and kind of makes me want to spiral into social burn out because I can handle doing multiple different things with family but with friends I just--my social battery is gone after six hours and I've been really excited about this birthday since I hit eighteen because both of my sisters are able to drink already and I have been missing out on the times they're hanging out with people for almost a full two years now because alcohol is involved and I'm sick of missing out. I promise I do my best not to be self centered or vain but I feel like it's justified in this case.

With my family my social battery is basically LIMITLESS because they respect when I go quiet and aside from my mom asking me what's wrong a couple of times, they'll understand that I don't really wanna talk but am more content to listen for like, ten or fifteen minutes until one of them does something that makes me laugh and I'm back in the groove of things, but it just. I have the energy to do something during the day on my birthday and a dinner. anything more than that and especially anything that doesn't happen within the week after my birthday?? I'm at the point where I have spent five months at home almost unrelentingly and my capacity for weekly social events is not at all like it used to be even SLIGHTLY, as much as I hate that.

and I just don't--it just fuckin' irks me to no end because I get not being able to be around your ex--I have an ex who I can't stand to be around anymore because of how we ended things so I absolutely get it--but like. The only reason that they ended on a bad foot was poor communication and Person A's unwillingness to clear stuff up even despite Person Bs numerous attempts at reaching out before they just gave up on Peson A. Clear stuff up and at least be acquaintances or at least TRY TO BE ACQUAINTANCES.

again, I probably sound selfish but it is one in the morning, I am sleep deprived and this entire vent was stream of consciousness style venting so. please let it be known that the version of me that's angry because I have to have two celebrations for one occasion is not the me that exists all the time.

[dnalkaline]

I don't even know why the fuck I try anymore.

It feels like everything important to me always feels the need to be ripped out in the worst way possible.

Every time I try saving up for a vacation or to go to an event I've always wanted to go to, I end up having some kind of freak accident or health issue that makes me pay out the ass from the money I saved up and then if I can still go I basically have to walk around broke.

And the worst part is, after I nearly died because my dad refuses to ever do checkups on his car and assured me the brakes etc. were completely fine (despite that thing being a death trap), he keeps refusing responsibility and keeps going "it was fine :/// idk what happened" despite literally everyone who looked at the car report said that if I tried to drive home that night, my car WOULD have had the tie rod snap and the rusted breaks would have immediately caused me to spin out of control on the highway and probably kill me. It's like he doesn't even care. He didn't have any reaction when he was told about this. I almost started crying because he's supposed to be the "good" parent but... idk. It always feels like people SAY they care about me just to make themselves feel better but people rarely actually SHOW they do.

Being in poverty would be enough but my life just feels the need to be gut punch after gut punch. I lose inheritance that was promised to me that would immediately make my life insanely easier at the drop of a hat just bc the person (has repeatedly) decided to change their mind and sell it for themself or give it to someone else. Everyone I've ever truly loved IRL as family has been taken from me and released from this mortal coil. And now with my brain disease I'm starting to lose the only thing I ever really prided myself on- my mind.

After the pandemic made everyone's finances eat shit, nobody wants my art anymore (right when I was starting to gain some traction!) and I have to spend my time bending over backwards for a bunch of really demanding gig work that I didn't even really have a choice in doing.

I'm too disabled to work a "real" job but too mentally competent that I got denied and even if I do EVENTUALLY win it could take years to get SSI and my rights as a human being will be limited. I used to try to put my foot in the door for like webcomic startups and shit like that as a contracted worker and every single time I get hired the company goes under and I barely have anything to show for it. I want to submit to the local art gallery to maybe get my works out there and possibly find someone who wants to buy them but there's a fee to it and I just. idk.

I keep trying to make myself feel better and less "useless" by donating old stuff or giving it to friends who might need it. And usually this helps but. I don't know. I don't even know how to talk to people about this because to be honest my therapist is kind of stumped on how to help me now. Like she's trying her best and she does have good advice it's just there's only so much you can do when there are circumstances out of your control beating the shit out of you constantly. And I can't afford to be sent to the mental hospital and even if I WAS, the last time I was there was so traumatizing due to the racism and negligence that I don't want to go back.

Maybe it would be better if I had some IRL friends to hang out with more but most of the guys I would hang out with either committed suicide or I stopped talking to them because I realized that I wasn't being treated very well. I don't know what to do. My therapist assures me I'm constantly just being dealt a bad hand of cards and I'm doing my best but I don't care anymore. I hate being alive. I hate my life so much.

I don't even know why the fuck I'm writing this. I guess I just want it to be known *somewhere* that I haven't been very well for a very long time and if I just randomly disappear one day you can all probably guess what happened. I'm not going to do anything stupid tonight but I've been fighting the urge near-daily for the past few months while trying to pretend I can keep making it through. I don't know. I just want everything to stop I wish miracles were real. I hate how you can fight depression and suicide ideation for over a decade and it feels like it's never gets much better.

It doesn't help I keep having this OCD fear that I'm going to die before my next birthday and all the stuff lately is freaking me out.

I'm crying too hard to keep typing and looking at what im typing so idk if you read all this thanks ill probably feel better after a nap or something but everything just feles so fucking exhausting

[the-crumbs-on-my-journal]

i'm about at a place where i feel that nihilistic disregard for consequences. like, i reach out and it's amicable, or i reach out and it's a dumpster fire. my life is already kinda on fire as it is. adding a bit more fuel to the flame won't make a difference, honestly. i'm not hopeless, i think i'm being pragmatic. i know what i'd be signing on for either way. i feel i owe it to myself to submit to my curiosity, or something. anyway, i also feel like i should warn somebody. hey guys, just so you know, i'm reaching out to my ex because i'm morbidly curious about him. it has nothing to do with me being suddenly sad at the thought of him being sad at the thought of me with other people. (really, it's not, i just feel like i should write that i thought this yesterday. i have my heart and all my other organs on my sleeve, apparently. just making sure there's nothing left inside me.)

i'm feeling okay, actually. not hysterical or unstable. just so tired, i've been working so much. doubles and clopens, covering for my coworkers here and there, on top of my own regular shifts. in the almost one year that i've worked here, i only once called out because i was literally immobile after a freak back injury. that was last summer. i've never been late, except for the one day my manager told me to come in a couple hours later without officially updating the schedule. sometime last week i declined to stay later than my shift, instead agreeing to pick up my coworker's shift this past wednesday (oh my god, yesterday. time is nothing.) in exchange for her staying later that day, and the shift manager was ... not amused at our consensus? he preferred that i stay. anyway, her partner (also a manager, no longer at our restaurant) said "don't take it personally, [pluto] is a beast". i work so hard. god, yesterday i did that double and one of my coworkers said, advising me, "well, you like to work, so stay in this section for your first shift, cause we're gonna need you in that section in the evening." god, do people think i like to work? i do work hard. i do work well. i guess because that's what it is. i need a real vacation. i get paid tomorrow. the money better be fucking good. anyway, god i am tired. but i'm fine, more or less. i still have a lot of life things to take care of, when i can find the time for them. hopefully i have the money for these things too. at the same time, i don't think i'm really feeling anything, but that's probably better than being hysterical and unstable. am i thinking of reaching out to him because i think it might trigger me? like, i'll finally feel something if i can get myself to have another panic attack. all i've had for the past couple days was a steady welling that i quickly stamped down back to nothing.

i'm watching the marvelous mrs. maisel because my dad recommended it and because i saw a clip for it. if it were just one or the other, i'd still be binging the good place. anyway i'm on episode 5 or 6 now. midge just got a job. she tells her parents, and her mom storms off in a mini tantrum. her dad doesn't think she can handle it. he's saying things like, it's hard work; you'll have to go in when it's raining. midge is saying, i know; i know; i know. he doesn't think she can handle it. she knows she can. last year when i moved out of my parents house and got my first real job, my dad was saying to me, you've never had a real job before; it's going to be hard work, and you've never done that before... actually, you have: [redacted]. i was saying, i know it's going to be hard work; i know it's my first job; and yes i know i've done hard work before (re: redacted). what is it with him, overlooking my experience and work ethic like that? if you really think i'm so unprepared for the world, well it's too late for you to have a say in it now. you forgot to teach me those skills when i was your kid under your care. now it's up to me. and anyway, i'm doing a lot better than he is. one of those life things i'm trying to find the time and money for is actually coming to the rescue of my parents and their tragic arrested development. sometimes i don't wanna do it. why should i? how could i? i don't know, but i'll sure write about it here when it happens.

if i reach out to my ex, i don't really know what i'd say. i don't have a lot to talk about. yeah, i'm working myself to death. i didn't do anything for the holidays (do you remember how i'm such a boring atheist?). i'm still having those family problems i nagged you about when we were seeing each other. actually, they've gotten way worse. i'm debating doing something about it, or changing my name and fleeing the country, going full no contact with them. anyway how have you been? did you move to [city] like you wanted? did you resolve your own family issues you never bothered to tell me about? how's that other ex you mentioned? did you ever go back to the tattoo parlor to get that big dragon finished? is your brother single? (i would never. i'm just being silly.) did i mention i think about you every day, to my extreme detriment? (seriously, just being silly. i'm thinking of saying something like i think about you a lot, just wondering how you've been!! and maybe if i'm brave ask so technically speaking, did i ghost you or did you ghost me?)

literally every night without fail. my mind wanders from innocent curiosity and goodwill to this mess i can't even define. why am i still crying over this. i'm trying to just accept that i won't get closure, that it's one of those things that will gradually hurt less, and gradually mean less to me so i won't even be bothered by the confusion and feelings and questions. but sometimes i feel as much hurt as i did months ago, and i feel like my choice to sit here with my lack of closure is actually hurting me more than any attempt to reconcile this. sometimes i think i feel hurt over nothing, that nothing happened and so i should feel nothing. i feel hurt because i want to feel hurt about something, and this is as good a thing as any. i don't know how much longer i can be okay with breaking down every night before i do something to disrupt this pattern. it always seems foolish to consider actually reaching out, after this long, after how it ended. i'm hoping one day i'm overwhelmed with nihilism that i don't care if it might be embarrassing or hurtful to reach out, because that would be better than crying over nothing every night. i've already done the "don't text back" thing and i am miserable.

[base0h]

Hi Bozo! So I'm here to request Ace, Zoro and Kid hcs reacting to finding out their s/o eats like a pig | ahem I meant Luffy - feel free to ignore this if you wouldn't enjoy writing it (well I mean it's pretty much weird 💀) I've been reading all your posts and I'm loving it 😁

a/n - Hi error! Tysm for reading! I’m so happy that you like them 🥺🥺 and oml pls this is hilarious- 💀 (ngl I feel like ace eats like this too sometimes- just saying 👀)

Warnings ⚠️ - food, g/n reader

Ace

- we all know he eats like this too 💀

- boy understands

- he’ll hype you up like-

- “GO Y/N YEA-!” *face plants into food*

- He doesn’t mind it much, I mean at first it was kind of a shock-

- He immediately thought of Luffy when he saw you eating

- But he also finds it endearing

- another adorable thing about you!!

- He wants to make sure you don’t like- choke or anything but-

- He’s completely fine with you stuffing your face with food 🥺

- As long as you’re eating he’s happy

- if you start choking on your food- he’ll start panicking and trying to do cpr right away

- ends up making it worse 😭

- pls he’s having a heart attack he had to throw Marco at you to help you lmao 💀

- honestly you might have to worry about him while you two are eating together

- he’ll fall asleep mid-swallow and just start choking on his food WHILE sleeping

- 💀 dunno how he does it but he does

- pls help this man not die

Kid

- so you two are eating right?

- all’s well until he watches you eat

- kid: wtf. 💀

- Man’s so fucking confused

- like what-

- Nah this ain’t real right???

- he kinda thinks it’s gross like- even HE doesn’t eat like that-

- but it’s you so-

- He kind of tries to ignore it the best he can

- when you start choking on your food he ain’t gonna help you (fuck you kid)

- “your fault for stuffing it down your throat-���

- bitch they’re choking to death pls help them 💀

- honestly he doesn’t give a shit

- you do you and he’ll do him-

- As long as you chew with your mouth closed he’s fine with it

- it’s his biggest pet peeve when someone chews with their mouth open

- just never do that.

- ever

- also if you share your food with him that makes him so soft 😭

- like- he feels so happy that you’d want to share your food with him 🥺

- “here kid- take some meat!”

- *buffering* “what? Why.”

- “Because I’m giving it to you?”

- he’s so confused 💀 just take the fucking meat Kid

- sharing food with him makes him sooooo happy- make sure to do that :D

Zoro

- instant thoughts and memories of Luffy when he sees you eat like that

- honestly he’s impressed you can eat as fast as Luffy

- he wants to see a contest between you two 💀

- he’s the same way but with alcohol so he can’t rlly criticize you-

- Zoro literally takes pride in you that you can eat a bowl of noodles faster than Luffy

- AND that you can also cook really good meals like Sanji

- like- he’s actually supporting you lmao

- if you and Luffy ever compete he’s 10000000% on your side to win

- u better win before Nami breaks his neck in half for taking her money to bet on it 👀

- if you start choking on your food while you’re swallowing a big bite, he’ll think it’s a joke at first

- like “oh yeah if y/n’s clawing at their neck and struggling to breathe air, that means y/n’s completely fine” 🗿

- “y/n, that’s not gonna work, stop jokin’ around.”

- once you dropped to the floor, clutching your neck and your face starting to turn blue- that’s when he started to freak out

- “Y/n! WHY DID YOU STUFF THAT HUGE BITE DOWN?! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO CHEW DUMBASS!”

- chopper saved you

- 👍

- just don’t ever choke in front of him again pls 😭

a/n - pls this was so funny istg 💀 idk why it took me so long to respond to this ask tho 😭 sorry error!!

<3