#I've been at my new job for a little over 5 weeks and I still feel like the version of me that only used to get to exist over the summer
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Things that have been really nice about not being a teacher:
No Meet the Teacher/Back to School night
No Halloween parade/party
No first day of school
Not even the slightest hint of getting sick
No emails to answer/worry about
No calling/emailing parents
No stupid meetings where admin argues against basic logic and evidence in favor of their unreasonable, nonsensical demands
No stupid meetings where admin doesn't bother to pay attention until realizing after the fact that we didn't do everything the way they wanted us to and making us do it all again
No days of the week where I have to stay late for the aforementioned meetings
Getting to leave at the end of my contracted hours every day
No observations!
I actually have the physical, mental, and emotional energy to do things outside of work that aren't laying around on my phone! Wow!
#original post#teaching#former teacher#chocolate job#I've been at my new job for a little over 5 weeks and I still feel like the version of me that only used to get to exist over the summer#and the first few weeks of the school year before School Year Stress kicked in#I seriously think I was starting to show like. beginning signs of agoraphobia last year.#that was more because last year was SO terrible due to admin in numerous and varied ways#rather than teaching as a whole
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╰┈➤ ❝ desire • l.n c.l c.s ❞ II
part i - part iii
➪ Charles hasn't paid much attention to you after your daughter was born but a certain Brit does.
➪ Charles is not trying to do his best to safe your relationship but a new friendship is blossoming between you and lando.
➪ established relationship mom!reader x dad!Charles x lando
➪ thank you so much for the love this fic us getting, it honestly was just a silly idea i had, absolutely insane 😭 google translate is my bestest friend
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y/nusername
📍 Monte-Carlo, Monaco
liked by landonorris, manon_roux and 412,322 others
y/nusername the day after hits different when you've got a mini you 🍷
tagged: manon_roux, noellepicard
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manon_roux hangover central over here😩
↳ y/nusername I would too if I drank about every drink available
noellepicard nobody told you to down all that tequila
manon_roux thanks for the support you guys
formulaonef1 Manon being the wildest of them all is not something I expected 💀
julieeeexo oh yeah the day after a night out definitely hits different, I know all about it!
charlieferrari zoë with her little bow 😭
hannahh how do you have time to read? I have a 8 month old and I'm barely able to read 2 pages a day!
↳ y/nusername I'm very lucky with a daughter who never skips a single nap and loves her sleep 😅
joris__trouche just like her mother
y/nusername oh definitely 🥰
landonorizzzz the fact that joris has been paying more attention to y/n than I've seen Charles do in the last couple of weeks is fucking hilarious to me
landoscar and its all too much for little zoë leclerc 😴
carlito55 did you and charles break up?
robyn_diaz had so much fun last night, so glad we got ti meet! 🤩
↳ norrizz isn't this lando's gf? 😂
norry4 unfortunately 😂
norrizz unfortunately??
norry4 she didn't really hide the fact that she's dating lando just for her 5 seconds of fame and money 💀
oscarpastry they're robably just fwb, lando said he was single in an interview couple weeks back
noellepicard mom's big night out, great success
landonorris still alive?
↳ y/nusername barely
landonorris I know the feeling
carlandooo lando...what are you doing here? 👀
charlesherve oh god watch this be the new ship of the fandom 🙄
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y/nusername posted to their story
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y/nusername
📍 Monte-Carlo, Monaco
liked by pierregasly, charles_leclerc and 526,009 others
y/nusername les derniers jours de l'été ☀ (the last days of summer)
tagged: charles_leclerc, arthur_leclerc
view 1,562 comments
thurthur gotta love the leclerc family 😭
manon_roux mademoiselle fille passe une journée difficile, je vois 😴 (miss girl having a tough day i see)
↳ y/nusername c'est un travail difficile d'être un bébé (it's a tough job being a baby)
manon_roux ..et quelqu'un doit le faire 🥰 (..and someone's gotta do it)
bott_ass take me to Monaco pls
joris__trouche still not an invite? 😔
↳ sharl16 joris being abandoned by his boyfriend and his boyfriends girlfriend 😔
arthurlec omg arthur and charles 😭
noellepicard j'espère que tu as passé une bonne journée, hottie ❤️ (hope you had a great day, hottie)
↳ y/nusername toujours 😘 (always)
arthur_leclerc you need to lock your phone better
↳ y/nusername or you could leave it alone?
arthur_leclerc yeah but that's not fun ☺
thurthur stop bullying your brothers girlfriend 😭
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Everything taglist; @thomaslefteyebrow @hopefulinlove @smoothopz @honethatty12 @cixrosie @parkersmjs @ireadthensuetheauthors @celestialams @be-your-coffee-pot @heli991113 @kodzuvk @reality-is-a-con @bibissparkles @myescapefromthislife @lanando4 @elliegrey2803 @ravisinghs-wife @harrysdimple05 @minkyungseokie @pretty-little-bunny382728 @thatgirlthatreadswattpad @severewobblerlightfdragon
Desire taglist; @fangirl-dot-com @sainzluvrr @writingworlds @chezmardybum @lewisvinga @xjval @fanficweasley @rockyhayzkid @aundercover @thecubanator2 @minchedchilli @crimeshowjunkie @alisoncasey21 @eeviepepi08 @shamelesspotatos @sleepybrokenmelle @leireggsworld @janeholt3 @iamahalucinationn @dessxoxsworld @kapsylia @22yuki @dark-night-sky-99 @sheslikeacurse @nerdreader @champagneproblems17 @norwayxo @sunny44 @honeymoonelvis47 @forevertcaffeinated-lee @amalialeclerc
Lando taglist: @simp-for-fictional-people @landossainz @christianpulisic10 @bored-brunette2
#charles leclerc x reader#lando norris x reader#lando norris x you#charles leclerc x you#charles leclerc#lando norris#charles leclerc fanfic#lando norris fanfic#f1 x reader#f1 x you#lando x reader#charles x reader
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Are we still gonna get more of the Rolan comic?
I've gotten a couple of asks about this, so sorry to the other people who asked previously and didn't get a reply!
There is absolutely going to be more! The rest of the Rolan comic is completely written and partly roughed out, and I do intend to see it through to the end. Unfortunately this has been a pretty accurate depiction of how 2024 has been treating me:
It's been Flat Stanley-ing my ass.
I will get back to it, it's just been a case where something had to give and unfortunately my comics wound up being the thing I had to put on the backburner 😭
If anyone is curious, I rambled about what's been up under the cut:
The long and short of it is that early this year my partner and I very suddenly and stressfully went from being part-time to full-time parents, in a house that is not big enough to have a family of 4 living in it full time. We also gained 2 additional pets at the same time, bringing us up to a total of 4 (2 cats, 1 snake and 1 hamster).
While that would make it cramped enough, my partner and I have lost a combined total of 5 family members in the past 3 years, and ignoring the emotional toll, we wound up being responsible for the belongings of three of them. Every time we manage to get our house a little bit cleared out, another person dies and we have to find room for another house's worth of stuff!!!
So I have been hanging on to my sanity by a thread cause it's hard to concentrate on comics when I am stuck working in a room where Fortnite or Minecraft youtubers or worse are all but constantly playing in the background.
On top of all that, all of the windows in our house had to be replaced because they hadn't been updated or well maintained since the place was built and the frames were rotting and growing mold. So we got to spend a couple of months trying to tetris our house into a state where the window company could have room to work last week.
And if that wasn't all enough, my little old man of a cat (who is my baby and largely my responsibility) developed keratitis- which despite all efforts continued to worsen over the last several months-, was diagnosed with diabetes, and finally had to have his eye removed this week. I've discovered new stress responses I didn't even know I had thanks to that, and I've been sick with a hellcold during both this and the window replacement 🙃
I've also been unemployed since December, which is both a blessing and a curse because on one hand I think I probably would have had an actual mental breakdown by now if I'd had to deal with all this while working full time, but on the other hand we can't move until I have a job again ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
So basically this year has been very AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA and I would really love it if whoever is controlling the game of the sims I'm living in would stop putting me in the torment nexus right about now, please and thank you.
Joke's on them though because I'm both a creature of spite and incapable of giving up, so in the words of Disco Elysium, 'Life gets hard but we go on' and we do!!! 😤
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⋆ ˚。⋆୨♡ i like you (too much) - part 1 ♡୧⋆ ˚。⋆
♡ summary: you just joined a new high school and you're hoping to make a bunch of new friends. unfortunately, you're paired up with katsuki and he seems to despise you. nevertheless, you're determined to make it work. little do you know that you're first interaction would lead to a wonderful friendship and possibly even more.
♡ pairing: bakugo katsuki x reader
♡ tags: no warnings, just fluff :) but the next couple of parts may or may not have some smut ;)
♡ notes: hi besties! I'm back finally with another fanfic after months. I'm so sorry for my hiatus, but I've been super busy with college. I'm graduating in literally in 5 days which is so exciting (neurosci and psychology BS) and also been working on a patent and been doing patient trials in the neurosci lab I volunteer at and been applying for grad programs, so its been a lot. but I'm back with a new (long) Katsuki fic now that things have finally settled! Really this was a story with my OCs, Drew and Kressie (names still yet to be confirmed but that's what I've got for now) but I thought this would still work with Bakugo. Let me know if y'all want me to post the OC version too :) hope you guys like it!
As you sit in the principal’s office with your parents, you start to drown out the principal’s monotonous voice. All you cared about in the moment was how you would fit in. Middle school had been terrible; a journey chocked full of bullies and spending lunches alone. So when your parents told you that the 3 of you were moving to a new state for your dad’s fancy new job, you thought this was your chance to wipe the slate clean. Start afresh and make some friends this time around. You’d been excited for weeks, but now sitting here about to start your first day, you felt your stomach churn with anxiety.
The principal calling your name brought you back to reality. “So Y/N are you ready to start your first day? I know it’ll be halfway through your periods, but still your first day if you think about it!”
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” you replied, picking up your backpack.
“I’ll take you to your new classroom,” said the principal, standing up and opening the door for you, gesturing you to follow him. After saying goodbye to your parents, you head outside the office with a big sigh, readying yourself. It felt like forever before you reached your classroom. Your principal knocked on the door and stuck his head inside. You heard him say something to the teacher inside, but couldn’t quite make out what. She came out a couple moments afterward and the principal left you in her hands. A short introduction later, she brought you inside to the front of the class.
“Hey everyone, I’m sorry to interrupt you all in the middle of quiet work time, but we’ve got a new student. This is (Y/N) and she’ll be in our class from now on,” she said with a big smile on her face; it was almost too cheery. “I’m hoping since you only came in a week late, it won’t be too hard to catch up with the class.” She scanned around the classroom before continuing, “Looks like we’ll have to place you in the back with Katsuki. We share one big desk between students, so I hope that’s okay with you.” You nod and the teacher turns towards her desk, reaching down to grab a packet. “Here’s what we’re working on right now; answer as best as you can and don’t worry about getting questions wrong. You’ll be sitting right over there,” pointing to the back.
You look toward where she gestured to find a guy in a black hoodie, his eyes covered by his hood and lip curled in disdain. “Fantastic,” you thought, taking the packet from your teacher’s hand. “It’d be my luck to be put right next to someone that looks like they’d kill.” You plop down in your seat and look towards your new deskmate, smiling at him as an olive branch. Maybe he was super nice and just didn’t know how to show it.
He looked at you up and down, eyebrows furrowed in confusion as if he was wondering why you’d even dare to look over. With a sigh, you turn back around and start to work on your packet. You wouldn’t consider yourself super smart, but definitely above average. But ‘above average’ wasn’t going to cut it for this packet. You chose to take Calculus to challenge you and to look better on college applications, but looking at the work in front of you, you regretted your decision. This stuff was just way too complicated, but you were determined to figure it out.
You look over at Katsuki to see whether he’s struggling too for some sort of comfort. To your disappointment, you see him flying through the work, his head practically buried in the packet. You tried again to work through the first problem. “Find the derivative of the following function...what even is a derivative?” you thought to yourself. You pulled out your phone, hoping to try and find some sort of video to explain what was going on when you felt a tap on your shoulder.
You turned around to find your teacher smiling at you once again. “Hey (Y/N), I hope the packet is going good, but in this classroom we don’t use phones to search up answers. If you’re having trouble, why don’t you ask your deskmate to help you out? I’m sure Katsuki would love to help you out!”
You slipped your phone back into your pocket, giving your teacher a tight-lipped smile in return. “Out of all people, why did I get paired with him,” you pleaded internally. After a few moments, you give up and decide to ask Katsuki for help. “Hey, uh... would you mind helping me out with this question please?” No response. You cleared your throat, hoping to draw attention to your request. Nothing, nada, zilch. It’s then that you noticed he had some earbuds in. “Maybe he really just couldn’t hear me,” you thought. A few moments of contemplation later lead you to tapping his shoulder, hoping to finally get his attention.
He whipped his head around, giving you the chance to get a good look at his face. The first thing you noticed were his eyes. His eyes were red, probably because of contacts, and were coupled with dark circles; it looked like he hadn’t had sleep in weeks. You were finally able to see his hair peeking out from under his hood which had been messily bleached blonde with brown roots growing out. His lips were still in a snarl. “What do you want?” he asked, spitting out each word with anger. “Don’t you know when people are trying to ignore you?”
A hit and a miss. There was no doubting it now; he definitely hated you. You hadn’t even been in the classroom for 20 minutes and your high school dreams of making friends were already coming crashing down. You were just about to reply when he snapped back at you “What? Just going to stare at me forever or something?”
See, you were nice, but not nice enough to let that sort of behavior go by without saying anything. “What the fuck is your problem dude? I just wanted to ask you about derivatives. Damn, a bitch can’t even be curious about math anymore,” you retorted. You were hoping to put him in his place a little, but instead, you heard him chuckle.
“Ok fine, I’ll help you out. I’ll admit, that was a little funny. But this doesn’t mean we’re all buddy buddy, okay? I just want you off my back.”
“Sure whatever gets me done with this packet,” you said, flipping through the pages of the problems till you found the one you were looking for. You pointed to the derivative question and said “Just explain this one to me and I’ll be out of your hair. I just don’t really know how to get started with it.”
With an annoyed sigh, Katsuki gets started on explaining it to you. “Okay so basically all you’ve got to do is just differentiate all 3 parts and then add it. Was that too hard for you to understand or something or did you finally get it?”
You didn’t want to say it, but you didn’t get it. What was differentiating? Subtracting? You had no clue. But you couldn’t admit that, not when he was acting so rude; you had way too much pride for that sort of confession. “Let’s say I didn’t get it. I totally did, but if I didn’t, would you be able to explain it more in depth?” you ask him, hoping he wouldn’t pick up on your lie.
Katsuki definitely picked it up. He wasn’t stupid. But he was dreading having to talk to you more. He wasn’t trying to make friends or talk to people and be all chit-chatty; all he wanted was to be left alone, but unfortunately, you didn’t seem to be picking up on that any time soon. He grabbed your sheet and put it right between you two. If you wanted a in-depth explanation, you were going to get one. Bit by bit, he explained every single step of the problem, dragging out each individual part unnecessarily. That’d teach you to bother him again.
What he did not expect was the beaming smile you gave him in return. “Thank you so much! That actually helped a ton dude! See I knew you could be nice,” you say as you bring the packet back to your side to continue working on the next couple of problems.
Your response threw him for a loop. Sure, Katsuki was confused over how he could seem nice, but what really had him was your smile. He could’ve sworn it was the sweetest smile he’d ever seen. Slightly crooked, but still shined like the sun. He turned around, pulling his hood down to cover the slight blush that had appeared on his face. He hated the feeling he had his stomach now and it was all your fault. He knew it was a bad idea to help you.
He dove into his work, trying not to focus on you. It felt like decades before the bell rang and people started packing up to move to their last period. Out of the corner of his eye, Katsuki saw you whip out a folded piece of paper, which opened up to reveal your schedule. He heard you sigh as he was packing up and he already knew what was coming. As soon as he came back up from zipping his backpack, he was met with your eyes looking at him and he knew you were about to bother him again.
“Uh... so I’ve got my next period in room 2301, but I have no idea how to get there. I think its English Lit with Ms. Carlisle, but like we only have 10 minutes to get there and I don’t want to get lost. Do you mind just giving me some quick directions?” you ask.
He wanted to say no and tell you to get lost. But it seemed like his mouth betrayed him when he heard himself saying “Yeah ok, I”ll take you there.”
“Oh! I mean you don’t have to really take me to the room, but I appreciate it a lot!” you reply cheerily with another one of your smiles.
“Do her cheeks never hurt from all that smiling?” Katsuki thought to himself. “It’s whatever, I’m in the same class too so I don’t give a shit.” he said, standing up and slinging his bag over one shoulder.
He starts walking away and you take that as a sign to start walking or be left alone in the classroom. With a wave to your teacher, you speed up to catch up to him. It was a bit awkward walking beside him but not talking. You’d initiate some sort of conversation, but it looked like he was ready to bite your head off and you already felt like you were pushing it.
Thankfully, Katsuki ended the awkward silence between you two, “So.... like, where did you move from?”
“From Florida, but not like city Florida, think like retirement home type of Florida. North Florida specifically.” you rambled, trying to fill up the silence between you for a bit longer.
“Cool, so you’ve like seen gators and shit then?” he said, looking down towards you. It was then that he took notice of the height difference between the two of you. He wasn’t super tall by any means, but compared to you he felt like a giant.
“I mean I’ve seen a couple snakes, gators... and a few lizards too! Nothing too scary though!” you say with a smile. He nodded in response and a silence settled over you two again. You started to rack your brain for something to say to keep the conversation going, when you suddenly felt a yank on your backpack.
“Don’t just fucking walk off, we’re here, English Lit,” Katsuki says, pulling you back to the front of the door after you’d walked right past it.
“Oh! Thank you” you reply, holding the door open. “After you.”
Katsuki felt weird walking into class and it had nothing to do with the quiz the class had to do today. He walked over to his usual desk and felt you follow behind before sitting down right next to him. You put your bag down in your seat and walked over to the teacher, probably to go introduce yourself. It was obvious to Katsuki that he wasn’t getting rid of you or the weird feeling you gave him every time you smiled anytime soon.
He was brought out of his thoughts by the sweetest laugh he had ever heard. He turned towards the source of the sound and he wasn’t surprised to see it came from you. It seemed like everything you did added to that weird feeling he felt in his stomach. He hated it. You sat back down next to him, syllabus in hand along with a couple of other forms for you to fill out.
Class seemed to drag on forever for Katsuki. It took everything in him to focus on what the teacher was saying rather than how your eyebrows were furrowed in concentration and how you chewed your pencil from time to time and how you drew tiny little flowers and hearts on your notes whenever you got bored. The bell finally rang, releasing Katsuki from what seemed to be his own personal hell. He got up wordlessly to walk towards his car, ready to leave and go home. He made it a couple of paces outside of class before he felt a small tap on his arm.
He turned around to see you looking up at him with big eyes. “Hey.. uhh.. Could I maybe get your number? We have to finish that packet by tomorrow’s class and I know there’s a good chance I could be confused again, so I was hoping to maybe get your help again?” you ask.
How could he refuse those eyes? With a sigh, he held his phone out to you. You looked up at him quizzically. “Do I need to explain everything to you? Put your number in already. I’ll text you back so you can have mine” he snapped.
You took his phone and typed in your number, saving your contact while you were at it. “There you go, all saved and everything,” you say. You couldn’t even fully finish your sentence before Katsuki snatched his phone out of your hands.
“Well, it was nice meeting you Katsuki, but I’ve got to head to the buses soon. I think my bus is leaving in like literally 10 minutes. It was nice meeting you though and hope to see you tomorrow,” you say, running off to catch the bus before you were left without a ride.
“Nice to meet you too, I guess,” he whispered to himself. He hoped you didn’t hear it. He walked to his car, throwing his bag into the backseat and putting his head on the steering wheel. “What’s going on with me? Why is everything so weird all of a sudden?” he thought. He took his phone out from his hoodie, looking for your contact and, more importantly, to put a name to your face.
It wasn’t hard to find since it was the only contact that stuck out like a sore thumb. “Y/N..” he said, reading out your name. He noticed a small smiley face beside your name, a sweet detail that caused an unconscious smile to cross his lips. It didn’t take him long to notice and he immediately shook his head trying to drive his smile away. He put his head back on the wheel with a thud, letting out a frustrated groan. That weird and uneasy feeling in his stomach had come back again and he had a feeling it wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.
#my hero academia#bhna fluff#bnha fanfiction#bhna x reader#mha x reader#katsuki bakugo x reader#bhna katsuki bakugo#fluff#smut#mha fluff#mha smut#my hero fanfic#my hero academia x reader#bakugo x reader#bakugo x reader fluff#katsuki x reader#katsuki x reader fluff#slow burn#my hero academia fanfiction#fanfic#bhna#mha#my hero#katsuki x you#bakugo x you#Bakugo katsuki x you#katsuki Bakugo x you#katsuki x y/n#Bakugo x y/n#katsuki Bakugo x y/n
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QUEENMAKER | CHAPTER 5
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pairing chan x reader
genre ninth member au, enemies to lovers, angst, fluff, coming of age, social media, cancel culture, anxiety, depression, forbidden love,
summary To JYPE, the solution is simple; take the sole trainee that will not debut with your brand new girl group, and use her to replace the missing vocalist in your male group that insisted on starting as nine.
Unfortunately, to the fans and the members themselves, it isn't that simple.
status ongoing
taglist OPEN
a/n apparently it has been 28 days since the last chapter, but the good news is i now have 4 chapters written in advance so january at least will have content. for those who haven't seen the random announcements on my blog, i've been sick and honestly probably will be again in january so your patience is appreciated, and i'm sorry, i'm not usually this sporadic with a project like this! to my editing team, who are feeling betrayed seeing this surprise chapter in their notifications, my chrissy new years gift to you is not asking for edits in the holiday season, roast me in the chat if anything is wrong (keeps, that last part doesn't apply to you)
previous | masterlist | next
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Even as you knock on the door to the studio, you're nervous.
Maybe you shouldn't be; it's been nearly a month exactly now, and you're fairly sure at this point that none of the boys hate you, though calling some of them friends has been easier said than done. Maybe that's why you're nervous in the first place, because it's been so long and you're still unsure where you stand within the group, especially with the one you're supposed to meet now...
It's not your fault. Well, maybe it is a little bit - you're aware that you're struggling to relax in their company, the way you had with the girls in Midnight or other trainees. But your schedules are so different too, you only see the others in practise, or in passing in the halls. Some days you practise on your own, while they are off on one schedule or another, living the life of idols that have built up their name, other days only half of them are there. Sometimes there is no dance practise scheduled at all, their own individual lessons or other commitments taking precedence.
It won't be like this forever, you just keep telling yourself. Three weeks more, and then you debut with the rest of them, and you're part of the group for real. Three weeks of hard work, and then, maybe, it gets easier.
Maybe. You've thought that before, only for an opportunity to slip away through your fingers. You wouldn't be surprised if it happened again.
The door opens - Chan, leaning over from his chair to tug on the door handle before he returns to his desk. "Come in," he says warmly, an arm gesturing you towards the couch behind him. It's already occupied by Changbin, who makes you smile when he gives you a hello and a wave. "Sit with me," he says, in Korean and then again in broken English, patting the cushions. "I'll be quiet, I promise."
You're reminded suddenly of how loud he can be, during practises or even when everyone is just sitting around, but you hesitate to mention it, sitting quietly beside him instead. "You can tell him to leave if you want," Chan adds, his back turning to his laptop. "He's not actually here for anything important."
"I'm here for emotional support," Changbin claims, only he puts on such a voice as he says it that it makes both of you laugh. "It's an important job."
"Okay, well." Chan's hands spread, like he doesn't have any say in the situation. "If you don't need support, you can tell him to leave."
"He can stay," you answer readily, and you don't really doubt your answer at all. Out of all the members, Changbin has been one of the friendliest; he'd been so warm and accepting on your first day, and gone out of his way in days since to talk to you or pull you into a joke when you were on the outskirts watching. Even if he was only doing it because you looked pathetically out of place among them, you appreciated it.
"Cool," Chan says, and then he shifts in his chair like he's uncomfortable, his eyes straying towards his laptop momentarily. "So. I wanted to talk to you about the comeback."
"I figured as much," you reply, aware that your hands are fidgeting nervously in your lap.
Chan's mouth opens, like he's going to say something, and then he hesitates, glancing away again. Apprehension rises in your throat, bitter like the taste of bad coffee as you swallow it back down again. It's one thing if you're nervous - but if he is unsure about what he's about to say too, then it could be-
"I've thought about it, and I've decided that you're not going to debut with us on this album."
Bad.
Your heart stops and then starts again, your chest tightening around your lungs even though you've heard this story before. It shouldn't even surprise you by now, the let-down; thinking you might have now, finally, done the work and reaped the reward, and yet every time you seem to let the hope creep into your chest just so that you can crumble twice as hard. You hadn't even realised you'd become this married to the idea of joining Stray Kids in the last three weeks, and yet the idea of getting dropped again hurts like a pain in your chest.
This was your last chance. No one else will debut you. The world isn't that kind of kind.
"Okay," you say, through a jaw that feels like it won't move enough to form the words. "It's - I understand. I'm sorry that I couldn't do it."
"Hang on," Chan says, a hand hovering between you like he's ready to catch you if you turn to leave. "Just hear me out - it's not that you're not good enough, okay? I just think it will help you if we wait a little bit longer, and the company were happy to agree."
"You've worked hard," Changbin says beside you, his face earnest. "No one thinks you can't do it."
"No," Chan agrees. "I'm just looking at the timeline, and the schedule they've drawn up for you, and I think you'd do much better if we push debut back to our next comeback in September."
September. Three more months away, rather than three weeks; three more months to push through, nose to the grindstone, that deadline looming over your head. Three more months in which someone might realise they've made a grave mistake and pull you right back out again, when you'd been so close to that finish line. Three more months feeling like an imposter in these boys' lives, waiting for life to even out into some kind of normal.
"Is that okay?" Chan asks, and you bite down the spiral of thoughts that pulls your mind down towards a big, black hole and nod, trying to pretend that it's nothing. The frown on his face doesn't look convinced, nor does the sheet of paper that he reaches behind him to fetch, shoving it into your hands.
"I want you to understand," he says as you look down at the paper, forcing your fingers to only hold it gently before you can rip it. A schedule, the next three weeks of your life laid out in a neat little chart that is detailed down to the minute and overflowing with things to do. "This is the choice they've given us; either we push you through this schedule and extra dance practise and debut in three weeks, or we wait sixteen weeks, and you do all of these things with the rest of us in a reasonable timeframe. I've been looking at it all week, and...I think it's too much. Waiting gives us a song prepared for nine members, takes the pressure off of the managers, gives you time to get to know everyone..."
You're forced to swallow the lump in your throat as you read the schedule and realise that Chan is right; the next week is full of photoshoots and content creation, with no room left for the dance practise you know you need to keep up with. It's rushed, and it's daunting, and at first look you're not really sure at all how you would handle everything. It's the life you've been training for for years now, and yet so many of the things on this list you feel like you haven't trained for at all.
"You're right," you admit, around a tongue that sits too heavy in your mouth. "I don't know why they thought this would work in the first place, when I'm so-"
"Someone high up had a great idea, and wanted it seen through as fast as possible," Chan says before you can finish. "Stray Kids haven't had a really...successful year. Maybe they were thinking of dropping us unless something changed, maybe they just really liked you. They've already agreed to push your debut back to September anyway, so it's not something we need to worry about now."
"As long as they still think it's a good idea in September," you say, and you manage to keep your tone light even though it doesn't sound much like a joke to you at all.
Changbin is the one to speak up, his hand slapping the arm of the couch. "They can't mess with us like that," he declares in the kind of voice that says he has complete confidence in what he says. "You want to be in Stray Kids, you're in Stray Kids, and you're not leaving."
"Exactly," Chan says warmly, and you manage to muster up a smile even though that tension still squeezes tight in your chest at the thought of another three months of limbo, not knowing if you'll stay or if you'll go. "Now," he says, turning back to his laptop, "I have better news; I've got a part for you in God's Menu that I want to hear, and I can play the next title track for you..."
TAGLIST
@kokinu09 @rainfallingfromthesky @lixie-phoria @mysweethannie @chlodavids @hanniemylovelyquokka @tfshouldidohere @lauraliisa @puppysmileseungmin @kalopsian-thoughts @puppy-minnie @readerofallthingss @dvbkie099 @kthstrawberryshortcake-main @acker-night @d-chagi @lynlyndoll @borahae-reads @ihrtlix @yienmarkk @minhwa @i2innie @jinnie-ret @conwunder @amesification @starssongs98
#stray kids#stray kids smau#skz smau#bang chan#bang chan x reader#chan x reader#lee minho#lee know#han jisung#skz han#seo changbin#changbin#hwang hyunjin#hyunjin#kim seungmin#seungmin#I.N#yang jeongin#felix#yongbok#lee felix#roo writes#queenmaker
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Tin's Favorite Sterek Fics (Part 7)
Howdy! Welcome to part 7! I'm happy you're here! Thank you all again for showing this series the love and support you all have. I appreciate you all so much, and I hope you're all finding new favorites to add to your own collections.
Apologies for the delay in getting this part to you. To be honest, it's just been too fucking hot for me lately, so I've been spending less time at my computer and more time splayed out, letting the wind blow upon me. I'm a spicy bitch on an average day, but it's been 100+ degrees here on average for the past week and a half with the heat is showing no signs of going away anytime soon. So there may end up being bigger gaps between updates (like the one you just experienced) than I maintained previously. Fair warning.
Okay, that's all from me today. Let's get into, lovelies!
Smoochies and squeezies!
List and link to previous/next part(s) below the cut.
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DISCLAIMER: This is me warning you all that some of the fics I've included in this list may cover explicit, dark, and/or "taboo" subject matters. I cannot express enough how little I care what anyone thinks about any of that; all I want is for you to use caution when reading anything I've listed here and to please review and heed whatever tags the authors have provided in order to keep yourselves safe. Your experience from this point on is your own responsibility, not mine and not the authors'.
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Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20
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and the questions of heaven, for a sinner like me by doxa (G | 1/1 | 1,346)
“I'm Loki, son of Laufey,” Stiles chants. “And I'm going to burn down the world.”
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many beacons in the sea by orphan_account (T | 1/1 | 1,479)
Stiles has known all his life that he’s not like other kids. He’s special.
“It’s alright, love,” his mom says, leaning over him at night when he can’t sleep because his legs hurt so bad. “Just let it hurt.”
She kisses his forehead. He dreams of the sea. They go to the beach that weekend.
*
Stiles is a siren. He’s an anomaly, until he isn’t.
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Now when we're old by orphan_account (NR | 1/1 | 2,431)
Stiles' skin was soft, the years passing making it worn and thin; his bones brittle and fragile. He was still the man they all knew, but older. Derek's hair was grey and white now, his beard more straggle than stubble. His whole life could be read on his face, almost like a map, outlining his joys and tears.
We all know how their lives together began, but how did it end.
Believe it or not the ending is kinda happy.
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the secrets in our blood by orphan_account (T | 1/1 | 5,433)
//He’d never meant for it to go this far.
He really, honest to god hadn't. Like, okay, it's not like he'd expected a long life, but he'd at least hoped he'd have gotten the hell away from Beacon Hills before they found him.//
or, the one where Stiles is a demon and the same hunters who killed his mother (also a demon) find him.
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Wolf Cub by moodwriter (E | 1/1 | 6,946)
A strange wolf is not supposed to touch another pack’s cub and that’s why, on a rescue mission, it’s Stiles’ job to take care of the wolf cub who’s curious about everything and everyone. Stiles is not used to werewolf children, and the pack is not used to Stiles taking care of a child. Their Alpha gets very confused about this, too.
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The Dark Spark by Reia (E | 1/1 | 7,014)
He knows that Stiles is speaking to his wolf, to that animal inside that thrums with the need to maim and kill and take, take, take and he really shouldn't allow it, he shouldn't.
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but couldn't good be good enough by lazulisong (G | 1/1 | 8,044)
"His dad is probably going to tell Stiles not to hang out with us," says Boyd, taking a sip of his Coke.
Isaac gives Derek an utterly betrayed look, and Erica glares at him. "I told you not to wear those sunglasses!" she hisses.
"What if Stiles can't hang out with us any more?" says Isaac wretchedly. "What if Scott doesn't want to hang out with us because --"
"I said those were pedophile sunglasses!" says Erica, in a quiet, piercing whisper that makes Derek's ears hurt.
Boyd continues eating his gyro, which he has laid out on a plate like a salad on a piece of flatbread, methodically picking out the tomatoes, feta and lamb and laying them to the side to eat after the lettuce. Boyd would eat his gyro if there was a bomb going off.
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The House in the Middle by afullrevolution (2 works | G-T | 8,569)
1. Battle not with monsters (T | 3/3 | 7,590) Stiles laughed. Laughed because he understood what Nietzsche had been writing about. Because hunters were clearly monsters for all they claimed to battle them. Because Stiles had looked into the abyss and the abyss was staring straight back. 2. To Grandmother's House We Go (G | 1/1 | 979) There were always going to be repercussions for everyone involved, and then some.
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Hell to Raise by Mosca (E | 1/1 | 12,543)
Stiles is the last in a long line of pagan priests. Of course, the god in question is a sarcastic trickster who mostly just wants him to get laid. Of course.
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No Oceans Left by zoemathemata (T | 1/1 | 14,207)
Stiles has always been a merman. He just never knew how to tell anyone. He hasn’t shifted since his mom died.
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Hand of the Devil by shiny_starlight (M | 1/1 | 14,669)
For years, Hale and his family had escaped justice, but the day of reckoning had come. His comfortable life was about to come crashing down about his ears and Adrian was going to relish every single second of it.
Mob!AU. Derek is the head of the Hale Family, and Detective Adrian Harris is determined to bring him to justice, whatever means necessary.
Warning: Contains past!non-cannonical character death and non graphic description of injuries. Contains cannon character death.
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Do What I Dare series by FunkyinFishnet (3 works | T-M | 15,532)
Stiles has always known he prefers to wear women's clothing. He learns that the people who matter want him to be happy too.
1. Make No Conditions (M | 1/1 | 8,557) Stiles has always known that he prefers wearing female clothing, but not many people in his life know. He makes friends with drag queens, goes shopping with Lydia and Allison, and tries to work out if and when he can ever tell Derek about his wardrobe. Will Derek want all of him? Of course, it turns out that Lydia is right all along, about everything. 2. Get A Little Outta Line (M | 1/1 | 4,444) Stiles talks down a rival pack's Alpha, tells his Dad about werewolves, is confronted by Chris Argent, and communicates enjoyably without words with Derek. It's pretty awesome altogether. 3. Scent Of A Woman And A Man (T | 1/1 | 2,531) Stiles and his Mom love perfume. Stiles carries that love into his teenage years and once he and Derek become close, he finds he's not the only one obsessed with scents.
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Actual Puppy Derek Hale by Wrennefer (Wrenegadeone) (T | 1/1 | 18,162)
Derek didn't know what was worse: the hunters, being trapped as a wolf, being hit by a car, or the fact that he had somehow become some kid's pet dog for the unforeseeable future.
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Der Yingl fun Erd un Blitz (The Boy of Earth and Lightning) by sofonisba_found (T | 3/3 | 18,741)
Miriam and John Stilinski had always wanted to have children. But when her illness prevented her from giving birth, and every conventional alternative option to raise a child was denied to them, they had to look for an...unconventional method. One that would give them a child that was himself far from ordinary in so many ways.
And soon after, in the town of Beacon Hills, a young werewolf named Derek begins to notice the scent of something different from anything he had ever known before in the air...
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Certain and Unsure series by dedougal (2 works | M-E | 20,475)
1. Make It Up As We Go Along (E | 1/1 | 11,388) Stiles was not expecting to find a baby on the kitchen table at Derek's. Not at all. 2. Left to Trust (M | 1/1 | 9,087)
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With The Hush of My Lips, I Wholly Confound The Skeptic by Unknown (M | 6/6 | 27,249)
My contribution to the Teen Wolf Big!Big:
It’s honestly his dad’s worst nightmare.
And it’s not like the doctors never told them that it could be hereditary, what his mother died of. They had. It’s just, after such a tragic thing like her dying had happened, they hadn’t thought anything could ever be worse.
Until they had found that stupid abnormality in Stiles’ stomach.
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The Importance of Turning Around Three Times Before Lying Down by otter (T | 10/10 | 30,493)
It’s like this dog has walked out of all of Stiles’ childhood dreams and into the real world just because Stiles wanted it hard enough. He is the most awesome dog ever, and he and Stiles have a bond. A deep, unbreakable bond because this animal is his soul mate, obviously. Now he just has to convince the dog of that.
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Of Love and Fairness series by JTHM_Michi (4 works | G-T | 38,833)
Life isn't fair and sometimes when people mean well they react without knowing all the facts. Families are a deep cavern of secrets and lies and the Stilinski family isn't different than any other. When the Alpha Pack came to Beacon Hills, they brought death with them and in the fallout, Stiles was kicked out and his father got a new child and a new wife. This is a story about life and family and all the hard things from both. Alls fair in love and war?
1. We Meet Again (T | 1/1 | 16,320) When Stiles was 17, the Sheriff kicked him out because the Alpha Pack was getting to be too dangerous for the newest additions to the Stilinski household. Now, eleven years later, Stiles is about to come face to face with his once kid step-sister and be forced to deal with this fact. Is it possible to forgive and forget? 2. But With A Whimper (G | 1/1 | 6,704) Rebecca Stilinski learns to deal with the reveal that her father simply isn't the person she grew up thinking he was. And how is it possibly fair that Stiles can have this wonderful life and his father still condemns him as some sort of shady character from a crime drama? The sequel to 'We Meet Again'. 3. Magic Musings (G | 1/1 | 6,274) Lydia has made for herself a perfect life. She has a degree from MIT, has won a Fields Metal, has gotten married to Jackson, and has a career where people call her ‘Dr. Martin’ with complete sincerity. She has a large extended family of friends and is a godmother to her best friend’s daughter and has two little boys who call her ‘Auntie’. Her life is perfect – sure, she and Jackson go through rough patches and sometimes her bills stress her out – but overall she has a good life. She never thought her wonderful life would involve Stiles as her quasi brother with Scott as their goofy younger brother (never mind that Lydia is actually the youngest) but life is strange that way. 4. Look The Other Way (G | 5/5 | 9,535) The small snippets from my "Of Love and Fairness" verse, including but not limited to: The original confrontation between Stiles and his father over the Sheriff's abandonment of Stiles in the past; A small glimpse of Derek and Stiles' wedding; and a meeting between Lydia and the Sheriff. And really anything else from this verse that I wrote that didn't make it into any of the bigger pieces. It would be better to read the other parts of this verse before this one.
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Dirty paws and furry coats by queerly_it_is (E | 1/1 | 57,621)
Stiles is eight years old when his dad brings Derek home.
[AU based on Disney's The Fox and the Hound]
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Indelible Marks by billtheradish (M | 87/87 | 275,695)
The house never burned. The pack is strong. Derek will never need to be the alpha, and his sister is a troll. (Actually, most of his family is like that.)
Derek is an apprentice tattoo artist, and Stiles isn't old enough to get ink of his own yet. But that doesn't stop him from being interesting...
(This story is now out of buffer, but I will always announce when the next update will be, and am trying to keep to a regular posting schedule. Also, please be advised that this is essentially a rough draft. That doesn't mean it's riddled with typos, every chapter is edited, just that the overarching plot and side stories haven't had a chance to be edited in full yet--but they will be. An edited version of this story will be posted eventually, so if the current length isn't your cup of tea, just come back later.)
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#teen wolf#sterek#derek hale#stiles stilinski#sterek fic rec list#sterek fic rec#fic rec list#rec list#fic rec#tin's rec lists
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Ranking The Rookie's season finales
I tried to be fairly objective, but yeah, that didn't really happen. Oh well, here we go!
6) SEASON 2 (The Hunt): When this first aired, it felt like huge stakes and was so stressful, but now, it just doesn't hit as well. I hate Armstrong was a dirty cop. Nolan was just acting dumb in this ep (shocker, I know). 😂 I didn't like Tim's sudden change of heart to make things work long-distance with Rachel, although we all know how that worked out. So yeah, it goes in last place.
5) SEASON 1 (Free Fall): They definitely weren't going as big with the finales yet, although this is a great Chenford episode, and there was a little cliffhanger with whether Tim would be ok. I wasn't as invested with the show yet when this aired. Tim was still my least fave character at the time, and I almost didn't come back for S2. I'm so glad I did, though!
4) SEASON 6 (Escape Plan): I might feel differently over time ranking it here, but for now, this is where it lands. It was...good, I guess. The truck scene was *chef's kiss*. But SO MANY VILLAINS. I couldn't keep up because every two minutes there was a new name or new character. I still don't know how it ties back to the beginning of S6. 🤷♀️ And while I never expected Chenford to get back together here, I'm still sad they're broken up in the first place. The elevator scene was sort of hopeful, but I think we deserved a little bit more.
3) SEASON 4 (Day in the Hole): If it wasn't for the insanely boring Nolan desert plot that went on FOREVER, this one would be higher. Because the Dim & Juicy doppelganger plot was the most delightfully unhinged story they've created, and it was so much fun. And our very first Chenford kiss! That kiss saved my summer that year. I had butterflies for weeks, and was just so giddy.
2) SEASON 3 (Threshold): This is how you do a season finale. I love this ep so much. Lots of high stakes. I loved the flirting scene. And even though I've never been crazy about Lucy being UC, she does an incredible job throughout the ep. I love Tim being Man of Honor and trying to save Angela's wedding. And of course, SAVE ME A DANCE. GEEZ, that scene is everything. 🫠 Then Angela being kidnapped at the end as the cliffhanger. I literally threw a pillow at the tv when this ep ended because those last few minutes were just SO MUCH.
1) SEASON 5 (Under Siege): This one has the highest stakes out of any of the finales, and a huge cliffhanger. So many scary moments for the squad, especially not knowing if Aaron would be ok. Tim and Lucy's hug was beautiful, as all of theirs are, and their fight scene was incredible. "I'm happy it's you at my six." ❤️ This finale just feels the most cohesive, and it works really well.
I'd love to know your rankings, too!
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Upon request, today we have the fourth part of our rec list of bottom Louis fics where Louis and Harry are friends who become lovers. If you'd like to check out the previous rec lists, you can find part one here, part two here, and part three here. If you enjoy our rec lists, please be sure to like and reblog this post to help spread the word.
Happy reading!
1) Truth Or Drink | Explicit | 5,548 words
Harry isn’t nervous. Of course he isn’t. He has done much more intimidating things than this. He has had sex with at least 100 men, and a few women along the way, while being filmed and watched by another 20 pairs of eyes. But for some reason the thought of doing this sounds a hundred times worse. He can feel his insides churning and sweat is starting to form on his palms. Sure, sex is Harry’s job and it has been for as long as he can remember. He doesn’t mind having a crowd of people watching him anymore, and everything is always quite professional. At the beginning things might have been a bit challenging but now it’s almost second nature. This, though, is more distressing than anything he has ever done before.
2) Incalescent | Explicit | 5,649 words
The onset of heat is something Louis still hasn’t learned to recognize.
3) You Step Where Words Are Written, Delicate Under Your Feet | Mature | 6,495 words
Prompt 513: A fic where Louis gives Harry a footjob over his pants while they're watching TV and Harry finds out he has a thing for Louis' feet.
4) Kiss It Better | Mature | 8,080 words
Harry shakes his head with a light laugh and leans down to kiss him again which Louis happily accepts even if he is a little confused by the reaction. "Baby, not a night has gone by that I haven't thought about you in my bed, naked, and begging for my cock." Blinking up at him with wide eyes, Louis opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out. While they did flirt a lot over the last few weeks, Harry had never said anything like that. It shocks him as much as it turns him on. "News to me." "I won't lie and say I like random hookups or casual sex, but to me this isn't what that is." Louis swallows thickly, unsure of what to say to that but once again Harry gives him an out. "So, If you want we can stay up here and I can show you all the things I've thought about doing to you." Another kiss, quick and sweet. "Or, we can go back downstairs and we'll dance all night."
5) To Love Without Reason | Explicit | 8,854 words
“Come on in, soldier,” Louis pats Harry’s chest and walks away, leaving Harry to follow behind. Harry stands in the living room, looking around at Louis’ dwelling. Family pictures placed high on a shelf, certificates of Louis’ practice, and other trinkets that make Harry entirely too nostalgic. “I have to warn you,” Louis says as he puts the kettle on, the water droplets from his hair trickling down the golden skin of his back. “The door jams if you lock it so you'll have to leave it ajar.” Harry acknowledges with a soft hum, too entranced by Louis’ glistening skin to form a coherent reply.
6) I Would Wait Forever (And Ever) | Not Rated | 10,018 words
Louis is brave but has the worst timing in the world, Harry doesn't want to lose his best friend and they just don't communicate enough.
7) If I Saw You Every Day Forever | Mature | 10,685 words
There really should be a statute on the number of dates one can go to because how much longer does Louis have to suffer through this? A modern AU in which Louis might have accidentally signed up for something he probably shouldn't.
8) Wait Until You're Sure | Explicit | 13,042 words
Prompt 465: Louis and Harry are best friends who made a pact. If neither of them has found love by the time they’re 30, then they’ll get married. It was all laughter and fun until Harry realizes they’re celebrating his 30th birthday and in a few months, Louis is gonna be 30 too. So, he struggles to find someone for Louis to avoid being together, but Louis just keeps rejecting all men Harry introduces to him (because he has feeling for him, of course), which really upsets Harry. They argue about that and Louis says something like “wow, it’s that bad to be with me?,” accepting that Harry simply doesn’t feel the same. Louis moves for a couple of months with another friend and Harry has all this time to understand his feelings, realizing that he loves Louis too and wants to be with him. But when he goes to tell him, Louis is already seeing someone else. So what’s Harry gonna do to get Louis back?
9) Candle Wax & Polaroids On The Hardwood Floor | Explicit | 13,082 words
Prompt 463: Clumsy modern witch Louis AU where he accidentally gives his roommate Harry a love potion and he has a crisis because he thinks he will get in trouble with the law for technically poisoning someone and Harry’s heart eyes aren’t helping.
10) Blackberries And Cherries | Explicit | 13,894 words
Louis is a witch and Harry is his human friend. When Harry needs help focusing on his schoolwork, the obvious solution is to ask Louis for a potion. You could say things don’t go quite right.
11) Bend The Rules | Explicit | 16,823 words
Prompt 588: Lous hires a ‘ghost cooking’ service because his family is worried he’s not eating well and he wants to impress them by showing them what an amazing cook he’s become. The service includes sending a discreet cook to your house and have them get everything ready so that you only serve and take the credit. Problem is, his sisters (can be OCs if that’s more comfortable) get to his flat earlier than planned and the actual cook has to hide in the master bathroom for hours. Louis is mortified. The cook is amused and helps him to clean and well. Gives him a thorough service. Feel free to pick your fave as the cook.
12) Swap Me For Your Shadow | Explicit | 16,829 words
If Louis thought being in love with his best friend was a knife that continually twisted into his heart before, it was nothing compared to when Harry started to go around talking about having fallen for someone else. A 5+1 fic; 5 times Louis has to listen to Harry’s vague confessions of love for his ‘omega friend’ and the 1 time Louis snaps and confesses his love for Harry.
13) Sometimes A Fantasy | Explicit | 18,654 words
There’s nothing to complain about when Harry’s walking around their flat with his cock swinging about, nothing to complain about when Harry’s pressing himself up against Louis’ naked backside when he’s reaching for a mug in their cupboards, and nothing to complain about when Harry’s got his hand firm on Louis’ arse when they’re cuddling on the couch. So, in reality, it’s really fucking weird, and Louis knows that. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like it.
14) Lonely Shadow Dancers | Explicit |20,838 words
“Mm,” Harry’s arms circle him, and their fumbling somehow turns into a cuddle session, “still can’t believe we’re here together.” Growing up with someone, one tends to become used to another. Used to the mannerisms and personality of them. Used to the changes and the things that stay the same. Harry hit puberty and sprung up into this cheeky curly flirt of an alpha and Louis still hasn’t found the time to get used to it. His stomach flutters and he bites back a stupid smile and wonders if he ever will.
15) The Mess We Created | Explicit | 21,099 words
An innocent one night stand changed into something more than that.
16) Not Safe For Work | Explicit | 23,295 words
I want to drown myself in Harry’s scent until I smell like him. “I think I'm open to trying that too. Sounds very good.” Louis shakes his head a little to get out of the Harry’s-scent-spiral. “Huh?” “The dish your finger's pointing at. I thought that might be what you’re choosing?” “Oh. Yeah.”
17) Sweet Like Honey | Explicit | 33,117 words
Weeks of flat shopping with their limited budget with Louis as a librarian aid and Harry as a barista and arguments about whether a balcony or extended bathroom suite were more important (Harry wanted to be able to feel the crisp night’s air and watch the sun set and Louis just wanted to take long bubble baths) led to them stumbling across the perfect fit. A small flat only ten minutes from campus with a cramped but lovely balcony and an included bath. It’s affordable too… well, sort of. But they always manage. Louis picks up more shifts as an aid, adapting a habit of bringing his Psych textbooks and homework with him to finish in between duties, and later his script so he can quietly practice lines with little distraction. Harry also increases his number of shifts at the cafe and valiantly endures the nasty customers who for some reason flock to their establishment like moths to a flame. For a while, it’s enough.
18) Once Burnt, Twice Shy | Explicit | 52,644 words
Louis and Harry are polar opposites in every way. Where Louis is a bestselling author from the city, Harry is a small-town firefighter who's never left his home. Where Louis is spontaneous and spirited, Harry is introverted and calm, never straying from routine. When an ill-fated accident and an exceptionally intelligent tabby bring them together, they are forced to confront their pasts and forge a better beginning for themselves. Will sparks fly, or will it all go up in flames?
19) Gallery Of Us | Explicit | 55,778 words
Harry knew what he was doing in life, everything laid out in black-and-white, each day pleasantly predictable. Cue lively art student, Louis, trying to find his place. An almost insufferably happy person who sometimes forgets to hide the way they feel meets the person who is diligent enough to notice and determined to make a difference.
20) If You’re Out There (I’ll Find You Somehow) | Explicit | 55,916 words
Harry looks so intensely into Louis’ eyes it’s as though he’s reaching in and touching his very soul. “I never thought… I never… I’ve been searching for so long, Louis, but I never gave up. I couldn’t stop, wouldn’t stop trying,” Harry says, bottom lip trembling as he strokes the backs of Louis’ knuckles. “I just knew that if you were out there, I’d find you somehow.”
21) It’s Golden, Like Daylight | Explicit | 61,496 words
"I actually think you might be onto something.” Harry’s eyes widened. “You mean…” Louis nodded. “As crazy and insane as this, this might just solve both of our problems.” “Are you saying you’re in?” Harry asked. “I’m in.”
22) Derail The Mind Of Me | Explicit | 77,323 words
Beside the photograph of a gaunt, pale face spattered with blood and lips torn into a Glasgow smile was a bloodied object, crumpled and stained almost to the point of unrecognition. Another photo showed the object shoved into the woman’s mouth. While Harry leaned forward to get a closer look, Louis scrunched up his nose and purposefully kept his gaze locked on his computer screen, refusing to so much as glance at the gruesome images the rest of the team examined. “What is that?” Zayn frowned. “Is that a tarot card?”
23) Ghost Note Symphony | Explicit | 96,426 words
Louis is on tour when he first hears about it. It’s all over the news – Harry Styles Attacked By Fan runs in headlines for days. It’s not even just the gossip rags, either. Actual journalists are covering the story. It would have been impossible to avoid hearing about it. Technically, Oli is the one who tells Louis about it, but it’s not exactly being covered up. Harry doesn’t answer Louis’ text asking if he’s alright, but that’s not really surprising. They haven’t spoken for months, and it’s been a lot longer than that since they’ve had a real conversation. The sting of the text going unanswered is still there, less painful than it might have been a few years ago. It’s not that it’s easy to forget about, exactly. Louis has a whole life outside of One Direction now, though. So Louis goes on with his life, figuring that if Harry was seriously hurt he would have heard about it by now. He might currently be in the same country as Harry, but being on opposite sides of it puts enough distance between them that putting it in the back of his mind is easy. There’s nothing Louis could do, even if he thought Harry might want him to. That’s why everything that happens next comes as a complete shock to him.
24) Our Endless Numbered Days | Explicit | 120,815 words
“Harry?” whispered Louis, his mouth dry, his nose pressing against the other’s warm skin. “Mh?” Harry’s humming was gentle, his fingers lightly caressing the younger boy’s arm, his chest steadily rising and falling beneath Louis’ cheek. A couple of seconds passed, and Louis looked up at him in the darkness of the cave, barely able to make out the expression on his face. When he tried to inhale deeply, his breath hitched. He struggled to find the words to tell Harry what he was thinking about. Another couple of seconds passed, and Louis listened to the reassuring beating of the prince’s heart beneath his cheek. He couldn’t. “Nothing,” he whispered, his voice weak. I think you’re half of my soul.
25) Love Will Tear Us Apart | Mature | 204,151 words
It was only meant to be a one night thing, but when the country goes into lockdown, Louis Tomlinson finds himself stuck in windsor castle, in company of his royal fucking highness, Harry, the prince of England.
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CEOrry Pt.5
Synopsis: YN and Harry attend her friends wedding. A lot of things said and confessed
Ps. This is the last part.
Series Masterlist | More of my work
It was time for the twenty week prenatal check up and the ultra sound of course.
He was nervous. He haven't seen YN in about two weeks and half. He had to go back and forth Los Angeles and New York City for business last minute. But he had Jeremy drive YN to and from work, he has Lizzie check on her every other day or so. He didn't get to talk to her much.
Just to make sure she's doing alright.
The image of her in pain and misery is still hard to shake from his brain. He just wants to do everything possible to make sure YN isn't in any discomfort.
As new as it sounds. He cares for her. In more ways now. That is new.
She's sweet and caring. She is fiesty when she has to be, which is understandable. Being a woman is hard enough itself, though she's agree it's not an excuse for being an asshole to him.
He's seen her check up on her family as much as she could. Text her brother and dad as much as she could, especially when they're waiting for their turn at the doctors and she's got nothing better to do.
But today, it was something else.
She was going to see him at his place before they went to the doctors. He had an urgent meeting and he's been at office si ce last night, working overnight on this project with his team. He needed a nice hot shower and a change of clothes. And some food of course.
Just when he was coming downstairs, he heard YN's angry whispers from the patio. The door qas closed as she walked back and forth, bare foot, furiously yelling at someone over a phone call. He couldn't understand a word even though he could hear her clearly. She was saying something in her native language, except a few English words she used here and there.
"No, you listen to me you little bastard, you're going to give your phone to Papa at six every night. No going out, no drinking with friends, no seeing all these girls you see every other week." She was yelling at her brother she reckoned, "you're grounded until I see that degree of yours." She paused talking for a moment.
"Then I told you, do what you're interested in, you dumbo! I never forced you to study Business. I worked two jobs here just so you can go to the best college and study, I never expected this from you Veeraj! No! You're going to go take the re-exam, I want you to at least pass, my love! Then you can go ahead and do whatever you want. At least you'd try something."
Harry could see YN was on verged of breakdown. She looked so hurt and exhausted. Mentally exhausted. But she seemed to be calming herself there.
"That's okay! Everyone is not same, Vee, you gotta understand. I understand that. No one is really pressuring you to do anything you don't like. Rebelling is not going to be a answer to anything. I'm trying my best to help you out here. Just so you don't end up drowning in student loans. Now is really not the time for this. You've got to stop drinking, stop hanging out with friends who just take away from your energy. Set up boundaries for yourself. I'm not asking for you to grow up, I'm asking you to learn to take up your responsibilities. I'm going to be here to help every step of the way, whatever it is you want to do I'll find a way to support you, okay? Do you understand me?" She paused for a moment, "That's what I thought. Now I'll ask my friend to take you in for a few lessons. I want you to promise me that you'll do something to get yourself to be a better person, okay? Yeah. That's what I thought. Now go to sleep, and start fresh from tomorrow."
He found her very attractive. He kept staring up until after a few byes and I love yous YN hung up her call and sat down on the step of the patio, crying.
That's when Harry decided to step out and talk to her. "Hey, what's wrong?" He sat down next to her.
"It's nothing. I've been crying since last night." She said.
Lie!
He talked to her last night and she was laughing and joking, having the time of her life making fun of him over the voice call.
"That's not true, YN. You know you can talk to me, right?" He suggested.
"I know." She nodded, "it's just my little brother. He's got weird circle friends and drinking problems. I mean he's barely twenty. It's going since he was seventeen. It got worse when I moved here for my dissertation. Our dad can look after just so much, he's sick and his work took so much toll on him. He failed three of his classes last semester. Which is a lot given his last two year record. If he fails he's got to start all over again."
"It's all my fault. I never asked him what he wanted to study before I gave my own suggestions. I shouldn't have moved here." She mumbled as she sobbed.
"Hey, no, no!" He pulled her closer to his side with his arm around her back, "you try your best, don't you? And that's what matters."
"I don't know. He's like my own baby, I've been taking care of him since I was six. I can't see him doing things which are going to make his life miserable in long run. He's not like this." She finally chose to confide in Harry there.
She isn't a saint, she got drunk too. But that was the first time. That made her more guilty for yelling at her brother like that.
"We'll get him the help he needs, yeah?" He assured her, "you don't have to beat yourself up for something you can't have control over."
"You've done enough for me, Harry, I can't bother you more." She sniffled, "he'll get throught it, he's done it once when our dad found out."
"If you think so." He sighed, "did you had your lunch?"
"Mhmm." She nod her head, "I was hungry so I ate before I came here."
"Good." He smiled, "now do you want to come inside?"
"Just five minutes?" She asked, "and did you eat?"
"I'm going to do that now." He tried to hold back his stupid grin the best he could. She cares about him enough to check up on him even though she's an emotional mess in that moment.
"Okay."
......................................................................
Another hour of wait for the monthly check up (twenty four weeks). YN was already over it today. She'd call it a day off she didn't had to go run some errands after at the bank and pick up a few things from the post office and things like those. Julia was going with her, so she didn't had to take cabs and tube and such.
She was just sat there, slumped and dazed off. Not noticing that Harry had quietly slid his hand into hers on his lap. She didn't realise until she heard another couple comment something along the lines of 'they're so adorable' now maybe it was for something else, but it caught her attention. Warmth in her hand grew slowly closing towards her heart there.
YN had so much going on in her mind, especially in that moment when she could feel the baby move.
They started moving just a week before she went to appointment solo. She couldn't bring herself to share that with Harry. She can control not sharing that. Even though she knows she shouldn't.
She can't have a say in the baby's life but she can at least have a control over this. Of course he won't touch her without her permission, or she'll kick his ass. But he won't.
YN have picked up on the baby's pattern. They were active mostly when she's feeling tired. Not to mention, the heartburn. She just wishes they're not as hairy as she was a baby. Her mum used to tell her how she couldn't even lie down when she had her. She was five and she remembered, she was just lying on her mum's lap as she asked her stupid toddler questions, her mum would answer to her the best way her five hear old self could understand. But with her brother, she could lie down and eat because her brother was a bald baby. But adorable none the less. She missed her mum.
Also she didn't wanted to share too much, before the baby was taken away from her. Well, it isn't her technically. She never wanted to give up her own child, but she did so she wasn't parentless. That was to save ber dad, who's perfectly fine and healthy.
And even though they're on time, they still have to wait at least two and half to three hours for their turn. Which is annoying on many levels.
"Hey, you're tired?" She heard Harry whisper in her ear to which she nodded. "C'mere." He draped his arm behind her on the chair, "just relax, yeah? Everything is going to be fine, I'm here."
She wanted to punch him in the face, but she understood what he was trying to say. Everything is going to be fine, she's going to be fine. So she leaned to his side just to be hit by the fragrance of his cologne in the face. But it was comforting. Weirdly enough.
"We've still got an hour and half." His voice was nothing more than a whisper, "you can take a nap, I'll wake you up, yeah?"
"I'll try." She agreed.
She could really use a nap. But in her own bed. Under her fluffy blanket, and AC on blast. Not at her place here. Back home. She's got a huge bed with comfiest mattress and bedding, she missed it now more than anything. She can cry to go back home and hug her dad.
She tried to sit there as still as she could with a baby inside her having a rave party. She watched Harry check few of his emails, they were from a same person with lists of products for a baby and a nursery. She doesn't mean to peep, she wouldn't have looked into his phone if it were related to his business. But it's not.
Now Harry thought she was fast asleep when he checked his emails until he heard a few soft sniffles from her. He peeped down to find her crying. "Hey, why you crying, darling?"
"It's nothing." She shook her head, "I just don't feel well, that's all."
"Just a few more minutes, yeah? Then we'll ask Doctor Wilson if we can do something for it. Hmm?" He suggested.
"Yeah."
"It's okay." He hugged her close to his chest.
......................................................................
"Baby's got a lot of hair on their head." Dr. Wilson shared, "this sort of explains the heartburn." Harry looked back and forth between YN and the screen in front of them. "You can still feel the baby move?" To which YN nodded.
"You can?" He whispered looking at her with puppy eyes.
"Mhmm." She nodded.
"You want to know the sex of your baby, Mr. Styles?" Doctor Wilson asked.
Now that made YN's heart sink to her tummy. But was the truth. She signed up for this. Doctor Wilson was the one who have helped her with everything from day one. She knew everything about the IVF and her being the surrogate and everything. But she noticed Harry glance at her for last minute approval. She didn't know what to say.
"We'd like to wait, thank you." He smiled.
He said we.
The appointment went smooth as always, doctor Wilson gave YN some advices to help her heartburn. She then had a little bit of time with just YN because she wanted to ask her some questions, which given if both the parties were couple she wouldn't mind asking with the partner in the room.
Doctor Wilson is very thoughtful, especially when she knew YN had personally asked for a female doctor, and that YN was a bit uncomfortable with Harry in the room at the beginning of the screening to see if she can carry a fetus to full term in a healthy manner. But her one question only directed towards Harry had her puzzled with her emotions that day.
She should just really talk to Harry. Right? Or at least try? He'll understand, right?
......................................................................
She held off.
More so that more weeks went by, her health wasn't getting any better (the baby is very healthy) plus she's got a wedding to get through with. YN passed out three times in her bathroom, lucky she sustained no injury. She lied down on the floor carefully when she felt it coming. Her friends almost rushed her to the Emergency department the fourth time. But it was controllable. She went to see her doctor the very next day.
Harry wasn't in town again. He'd gone on another last minute call, this time it was for award ceremony for entrepreneurs and such. He was awarded with couple of awards there, it was just going to go to his every growing college in his office. YN had to go to her monthly checkup alone this time. And it was going to be only time she has to go alone.
But when he came back it was just time for Josh and Kayla's wedding. Harry was actually late, so Jeremy ended driving YN to the wedding venue two days before. He had no idea what went on.
It was the time when the bride and everyone was done getting ready, and they were taking pictures.
YN's dress was loose, she wasn't showing much even though the baby weighed half a pound more than it should be at twenty-one week. It was easier hide her belly.
Now she doesn't want to draw attention to her belly and take away from her best friend's special day. But she did snuck off to the bathroom in her own room next door to take a few of pictures on her phone, posed as where her belly is visible.
"YN you're being dramatic and extra. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it." She scolded herself as she looked through the pictures, just as she was about to delete those, she heard the bride calling for her.
"YN, your alright in there?" Kayla asked, "talk to me so I know you did not pass out in there, babe."
"Yeah, I'm fine." She called out. But not until she heard, the door knob being violently being shaken from the outside.
"Unlock the bloody door YN!" He banged on the door, "open rhe fucking door damn it!"
It was Harry knocking on the door, hard. She hoped he didn't bruise his knuckles when she quickly opened the door worried. "Why are you knocking so hard? Is your hand okay?"
"Why didn't you tell me?" He glared at her ignoring her concerning questions. There was a hint of worry behind his anger.
YN looked at her friend. She just threw her hands up in defence, "I didn't tell him anything. He over heard it." Kayla explained, "I'll give you two a moment." With that she fled the room. YN sighed and walked to the bed in her hotel room so she could put on her shoes.
"Why didn't you tell me YN?" He followed her.
"You were away for work. I didn't wanted to burden you with my problems." She answered and picked up her left shoe. She was going to wear her sneakers because she can't walk properly even when barefoot. She trips and falls, especially at weddings.
"I expect you to share things like with me, YN." He sighs in frustration and kneels down in front of her to help her with her shoes. "How many time have I told you that, hmm? This is ridiculous. You, you think that stupid award function is what I cared about more?" She didn't say anything. He just looked up at her when he was done putting her shoes on for her and found her looking at him with puppy eyes.
Honestly, she can fight with him right there. But it's her friend's special day she doesn't wanna ruin it.
"You wanna talk later?" He asked to which she nodded. "Yes or no?"
"Yes!" She huffed getting up and walking towards the bathroom where she left her phone.
"Hey, YN, I'm sorry. Shouldn't have talk to you like that." He tailed her around as she gathered her stuff. She grabbed a lipstick, and stuff it in the pocket of her dress.
"You tied my shoe lace too tight." She ignored him like he did not yell at her even five minutes ago. Without a question he knelt down again to retie her shoes for her.
For the rest of the ceremony, leading upto the reception party none of them talked to one another but yet managed to savour and enjoy every minute, for her friends at least.
First it was the dinner then the reception according the bride and groom's plans. It was emotional, funny and sarcastic with all of the speeches. And the drinking and dancing began again.
YN was getting overwhelmed already. Especially after her little speech. She could still see Harry there, he looked pissed. She went to get herself a glass of water by the bar.
"Hello there." Someone went to sit on the stool right next to hers. It was Doctor Micheal Jones.
"Hi..." YN was confused seeing him there.
"Been waiting to talk to ya whole night actually. How have you been?" He asked.
"I've been good, what about you?" Oh how she hated the small talk.
"I'm great." He smiled. She noticed he's got dimples too, a blond stubble and both his arms were covered in random tattoos, she could see from the rolled up sleeves.
Wait, has she got a type?
"You're from the bride or groom's side?" She asked him before he could say anything further.
"I am Heidi, Joshua's step sisters cousin." The blue eyed man explained.
"Oh, that sweet."
"And you're from bride's side I believe?" He asked.
"Oh no, I'm technically from both of their sides." She giggled, "they're both my best mates."
"YN, darling can I talk to you?" It was Harry interrupting Micheal before he could even utter a word. "Come on darling it's urgent please." He grabbed a gentle hold her hand as he helped her down the stool making sure to take her water bottle from the counter. He guided her out.
YN didn't get to take in the venue when the sun was up. But the wedding was at the Stourhead House and Gardens in the county of Wiltshire, near the Apollo Temple.
It's the exact place where Kiera Knightley's Pride and Prejudice was filmed. Kayla's a huge nerd for books, hence her PhD in English literature. YN never understood how that girl can read three to four hundred page book in a day to a day and half max. The venue was also something Kayla and Josh had little arguments over until they booked the place for the day.
"What?" YN slipped her hand out of Harry's, the metal of his rings was warm and cosy but she's mad at him for talking to her like that. They're out of the party now.
"Let's go there, it's a little loud here." He grabbed her hand again and walked towards the Apollo Temple which was barely fifteen feet away from the party. Which didn't make sense because it was still loud. They sat by the edge of the temple there. "You're feeling any better now?" He asked. Watching her lean into the pole next to her.
She looks tired and sleep deprived there. Her phone placed in between him and her with the lockscreen lit up, it was half part ten then and the the background was of the first ultrasound picture he sent her. It was the phone he gifted her, she's really using it. And the bracelet, she was wearing it. The piece of jewelry went so well with her baby blue dress, a stretchy bodice and off shoulder opaque sleeves ending just by her wrists. She wore a silver necklace with a little gold charm on it.
"Hey, come on, I'm really sorry darling." He scooted a bit closer to her, "why didn't you tell me, hmm?" He tucked the loose strand of hair behind her ear gently and she finally looked at him.
"I told you, I didn't wanted to tell you because you were away for work." She shared, "you said you have important meeting. I went to the appointment so I'm fine now."
"You also said, and I quote, I don't want to burden you with my problems, care to tell me what that means?" For the first time they're having a conversation without yelling at one another, "because I never said you're burden, did I now? I apologise if at any point I made you feel that way, I never intended to."
"You didn't, I, I, I just didn't wanted to disturb you that's all." She shook her head.
"I was done with my meeting on day one, should have told me YN." He insisted, his thumb caressing the apple on her cheek tenderly, "don't want it to happen again, but you'll tell me when it does, no matter how busy I am, yeah?"
"Yeah." She agreed.
"Have you been sleeping well?" He enquired.
"No, I can't lie down without feeling like my esophagus is burning." She shared. Truthfully. "Doctor said the baby's got way too many hair on their head. I'll give you the picture when we're back in Hampstead."
He cracked a smile, "about that..."
"What?"
"I, I actually forgot what I was about to ask you." He covered up for himself. He wanted to tell her that she can be in the babies life, he can get the agreement terminated and all. But it felt weird.
He knows she wants her own kids, that's why she was hesitant at first. But telling her now would sound wrong. He doesn't know if she wants to be a parent just yet. He'll tell her when he finds a better way to approach this subject.
He also so badly wanted to tell her how he felt. He really, really liked her. Hell and heavens he thought he's borderline already in love with her there. But he just held off. At least for now. It'll be too much for both of them. He actually really wanted her to be around the baby, he's seen how she always tries to look away from the screen at the ultrasound or talk less about the bahy with the doctor. How she asked for him to send pictures of the ultra sound print they got, and now it's her lockscreen.
"do you wanna go back inside?"
"Not really, I don't like weddings." She shrugged, "I told Kayla, 'if I got MIA for after a bit, don't worry'. Do you want to go in?"
He chuckled softly. "No, I don't like weddings either."
"Awh! Why?" She cooed, "sorry, I forgot no questions."
"You've asked me way too many questions, we're way past that." He pointed out.
"And I got no answers to those questions." She added immediately.
"Touché." He looked down sheepishly. "I found out my Fiancé and partner of six years was cheating on me, the morning of the wedding."
"No, that's so fucked up!" She gasped, "I don't get it why people cheat? Like what the hell?"
Harry giggled at her very honest and blunt reaction, "it's alright, I'm over it now." He shrugged. "It was the second time actually. Being cheated on. Wanted to adopt a kid at first but a single man with a busy schedule is not anyone's first choice. Tried for about three years."
"Understandable. I'm so sorry that happened to you."
"Why do you hate weddings?" He diverted the subject to her now.
"My reason is a bit more depressing." She said with her hand into a pinch to say how much more sas her reason is with a slight wink of her eye.
"I'm sure, but I'm here to listen."
"Trauma bonding, are we now?" She nodded her head squinting her eyes, "my mother died when I was six and my little brother was just two-three weeks old. Of course there was a wedding in our house so everyone was away except me, my dad and my mum with my brother, well 'cause she was sick."
"I'm sorry." He mumbled.
"It's fine, I've had twenty years to learn and grow." She shrugged.
"Do you mind me asking what happened?"
"She had a c-section with my brother and the internal stitches ripped open because she was throwing up and coughing so much. I was there when she, uhhh, you know... My dad was out getting us dinner when all of that happened." She moved back a little bit to sit comfortably with her legs criss cross, using the pole as a back rest, her hand resting on her bump as if on autopilot.
Harry just sat there looking at her as he processed all of what she said. She was six. Watched her mother die. That explains her fear of throwing up.
"Don't look at me like that, your green eyes scary." She laughed.
"I'm just trying to process." Harry shared, "What was her name? Your mum's name, I mean."
"Sofia." YN shared.
"That's a beautiful name." Harry cooed and took a moment to mirror how she sat. "Why don't you tell me about her?"
"You want me to talk about my Mummy?" She looked at him puzzled to which he just nodded, "well I've only known her for six years. But she was a doctor like me. A little crazier 'cause my dad told me once she was going for another doctorate. I never want to touch that ever again!"
"So you come from a family of a geniuses." He commented joining her laugh.
"You can say that. She had like three cats, only one of them is still alive. He's old man now. I brought him home on my way back from school he was about three months old, so he's technically my cat. My dad was furious, but who can go against mum's. I mean who's got that kind of audacity, right?"
"Exactly!" He agreed with his own dramatics, "Mum's are the best!"
"Not all of them, my step mother is a total witch. Witch not a bitch. Can't swear like that." She shared. "My mum was the principal of my school. And everyone loved her, obviously. As they all should. That's pretty much it. What else you want to know?"
"She sounds like an amazing person." Harry said. "I'm trying to figure out something though. I wasn't a hairy baby, nor my sister or my mother or dad. How is this baby so hairy? How did doctor Wilson even see that?"
YN looked at him in disbelief, "you failed your science classes by any chance?"
"Yeah, twice but what does that have to with--" he paused, "oh, oh. I'm sorry I didn't to say it like that. I also didn't want to assume. Just looking out for you that's all as you said you can't lie down and--"
"Okay, okay calm down." She stopped him, "it's okay, it's okay."
"Did she tell you what you can do to help with the heartburn?" He asked.
"Nope. Can just hope for the best." She shook her head.
"I'm sorry."
"It's alright. F.Y.I. sir, I was a very fussy baby as well. Good luck with that."
"You're joking?"
"Nope."
"You're joking!"
"I am not."
"Yes you are, you cheeky, you're laughing."
Now she was laughing, "you saw how much I still cry, right?"
He sighed, "yeah."
"We should go back in, they're about to play my favourite song." YN suggested. Harry was up on his feet immediately ready to help her up.
"Yeah? How do you know that?"
"I made the playlist, duh!"
They walked to the wedding party back. Or more like, Harry followed YN like a little smitten little kitten. Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran started playing.
"Would you like to dance with me, ma'am?" Harry offered his hand with extra add on of his charm.
"I'd love to." YN placed her hand in his. Harry took the opportunity to lace his fingers through her in a delicate hold, and slid his other hand around her waist. The baby in between wasn't enough to keep a modest distance.
"This alright?" He whispered as he swayed both of them to the soft tune.
"Mhmm." She nodded.
"What is with you and that doctor?" He asked all of a sudden looking behind her.
"Who? Doctor Jones?" She asked.
"Mhmm."
"Nothing. He's just a nice dude. Why did you ask that?"
"He's been oogling at ya the whole day!" Harry scoffed.
"By the way this is my favourite song." YN tried to change the subject and it worked.
"Is that Ed Sheeran?"
"Yeah!"
"He's one of my best mates." He casually bragged.
"You're kidding?"
"Nope."
"You are kidding!" She gasped.
"I am not. I have his number."
"You have Ed Sheeran's number?" She sounded gobsmacked.
"Yeah."
"Oh my god! Can you get me his signed record?" And she gasped again at her own idea.
"He's on tour right now, but I'll try." He couldn't help but laugh at her reaction, he place her hand in his on his shoulder as he reached to tuck her hair behind her ear again. "You look very pretty tonight, have I told you that?"
"I don't know." She shrugged nonchalantly, but she's screaming inside.
YN tried her best to keep her feelings in check. Like, it's not right. Today though, she did took time to really just take all the feelings in.
Oh boy, did he looked extra, extra dreamy today!
His hair grown out a tiny bit. He now styled his hair in a middle part, his stubble ever so slightly showing. His eyes looked so vibrant and relax, like there were no worries about anything behind them.
And today is about celebrating love too!
He wore a baby blue suit, with his staple white dress shirt. Which is always see through and top three buttons undone. His classic cross necklace, he switched it out to a gold one few weeks ago. And the tattoos on his pecks peeking through as always, which she believed are some kind of birds surrounded by little hairs on his chest.
It was touch of his soft thumb just under her lip which brought her back on earth. His face was just so close to her. That's when someone screamed her name.
"Oh god!" She was spooked.
"It's alright, who is that?" Harry asked looking behind her. It was one of Kayla's childhood friend, Hadleigh.
"YN!" The girl exclaimed as she approached her.
Now, Hadleigh and YN hardly talk to one another. But when they first met, they were really good friends. Until Hadleigh went ahead and shot her shot, telling YN that she had started to like her.
Well, it isn't like YN's not into girls, but she's confused if she's in girls like that in the first place. But most importantly, she wasn't looking for a partner that time (nor is she now unless it's Harry). YN's always been so focused on her career, she never gave going out or being in a relationship a shot ever. It just haven't been her cup of tea to begin with.
Plus, she didn't want to be vulnerable and open to someone.
Hadleigh of course was very understanding and respected her feelings. She got busy with her job as real estate developer. And life went on.
"Hadleigh, so nice to see you!" YN exclaimed.
"Same here," the blue eyed girl smiled as she took YN in for a hug, "I know I missed the ceremony but gosh this is amazing!"
"It is." YN had to agree, the party was lit.
"Oh, you're pregnant!" Hadleigh almost squealed.
"I, uhhh..." YN stuttered, "yeah."
"Congratulations!" She gave YN another hug.
"Thank you." YN smiled not knowing what to say, "this is Harry by the way." YN turned to Harry was stood just half a step behind her. "And Harry, this is Hadleigh. Kayla's kindergarten friend."
"Oh, nice to meet you Hadleigh." Harry approached her with a handshake.
"Nice to meet you too, Harry." Hadleigh shook hands with him. "Oh, looks like the bride is finally free. I'm gonna go talk to her before she gets busy again."
"Yeah sure." YN nodded.
"You want to go back to the hotel?" Harry asked once Hadleigh was gone, YN looked exhausted.
"No, I'll just go sit somewhere." She shared.
"Come." He grabbed her hand and guided her to the now empty dining tables set to a side, he pulled a chair for her to sit facing the dance floor, he pulled a chair like he did at the ice cream place on her birthday that night. His knee touching hers.
"Is it really that obvious, I'm pregnant?" She asked, her hand on her swollen belly now really showing she is in fact very pregnant. But she's been feeling insecure lately. She had to run last minute to the tailor to get her dress readjusted, even though it was made keeping in mind she'd grow by the time of the wedding.
Well, she's almost in her third trimester (twenty eight weeks). It was obviously going to show. YN just doesn't want to admit that this time is going way too fast.
"What do you mean?" Harry asked, confused of her sudden change in mood.
"I-- she knew just by looking at me?" She wondered.
"She hugged you, darling." Harry defended her from herself, "I mean it's not a bad thing, is it?"
"No," she shook her head.
"Are they moving now?" He asked.
"Yeah, like crazy!" She sighed, "see!"
Harry carefully kept his hand where her's was, she placed hers on his. He felt a jolt which made him almost jump. "That was strong!" He commented laughing.
"Yeah." YN nodded.
It warmed her heart how he already adored the baby, they aren't even born yet.
And it also makes her heart sore thinking this is the only time she'll get with the baby. She's been contemplating to ask him if she could still see them from time to time. She would be fine if he never told them she's their mother. But it felt wrong.
After all he's just a complete stranger she met through a surrogacy agency website online, got pregnant via IVF, failed one time but worked the second, he paid her for carrying the baby. She's already grown to love the baby so much that it also felt wrong that she did it all for money at first.
She doesn't want him to think she's in with wrong intentions if she asks to see the baby in future.
Though, she's already paid one of the installments to the remaining amount he had lent her. He doesn't know about it, but his accountant and Personal Assistant does.
"You good?" Harry sounded concerned. That's when YN realised her eyes were getting watery as she thought about everything.
"Yeah. Just a little sleepy." She made an excuse, which he surprisingly belived.
"Do you really want to go back to the hotel, YN? You know we can." He suggested.
"No, I'm fine. I promise." She assured him.
They sat there in corner watching the party go on. Until Kayla came and approached YN herself, she was little tipsy but she pulled a chair next to her.
"You look tired." She spoke, "I think should really go and rest."
Harry jumped in too, "that's what I said."
"See, he agrees too." Kayla pointed out. "You need to rest!"
"I know, but I'm having fun just sitting here." YN shared. And she is indeed having fun there.
The party eventually came, newly weds were off to their honeymoon. This was all new to YN, as everything was over in merely three days.
Harry drove YN back to the hotel room. His was booked right next tk hers. They walked as it was just to the walking distance.
"This ended very quickly." She commented.
"Quickly?" Harry got confused.
"The wedding." YN shared, "it went on barely three days, it was just a bachelorette party, then going over some things the next day, then the wedding, this happened really quickly."
"That's a long time."
"No, it's not. Wedding functions usually last for weeks. Not that I like or enjoy any of those, but it was still significantly different experience." She explained.
"Yeah?" Harry sounded in amusement. They reached her room there, it was too quick for Harry's liking.
"Hmm, Indian wedding usually last for about two weeks to a month." YN shared as she opened up the door to her room.
"Have to attend an Indian wedding myself then, eh." He beamed, "I'm just next door to you, call me if you need anything, hmm?"
"I will, thank you." She nodded. "Wait... This is not my room." She checked the card key.
"Got you stuff moved here. It's a lot more comfortable." He explained.
"This is a freaking suite Harry, who's going to pay for it?!" She opened the door and was shocked to see the room.
It had light blocking curtains, a massive bed she doesn't have to now share with Julia. It had it's own sofa and coffee table by what she reckoned is a floor to ceiling glass window.
"I did." He said, "try to get some sleep now darling."
......................................................................
It was middle of the night and YN was craving chocolates.
Now, she can hold herself off till she can get something to eat which she is craving. It was a different kind of urge now. Especially when she couldn't eat the chocolate desserts as they had Rum in it. Kayla almost killed off the caterers for not having a Alcohol free dessert as she asked for specially for her best friend.
YN could go down to the hotel gift shop and buy a very expensive bar of chocolate but she just want to get out of her room. The bed is awfully comfy. And she couldn't sleep because every time she goes to lie down, her stomach acids want to gush out of esophagus. So she called Harry. Sent the man out to get her chocolates. And he did so. The gift shop was closed off he messaged her so he drove to a nearest shop to get her what she wanted. It looked like he bought the whole store when he got back with just more than just chocolates she asked for.
"Is this enough, darling?" He set everything on the little coffee table by the floor to ceiling window which was now closed off by light blocking curtains.
"That's too much Harry!" She walked upto him. "Just asked for a few chocolates."
"Well, I figured you might be hungry as you didn't eat much tonight." He pulled out a few bags of crisps, "usually don't condone eating junk food, but this is the best we can do at two in the morning."
"Thank you!" She cooed and hugged him tight.
Harry was taken back. Not by her hugging him but by the butterflies in his tummy. He hugged her back though. Her hugs are always warm and welcoming.
"Of course, my love." He rubbed her back gently, "why didn't you sleep?"
And she got to opening a bar of chocolate as she sat down on the sofa chair, right next to him. "I can't sleep. Everytime I try, my stomach acids want just gush out." She munched on the chocolate and yawned.
She really needs sleep, but she can't sleep sitting up. It's very dangerous. She might fall off her bed, or sleep in a position which might hurt the baby.
"Oh look," she grabbed a hold on his wrist and place it on her stomach for Harry to feel the punches. "And there goes the jab!"
"Ouch!" Harry almost felt that under his skin, "they're being a trouble maker, aren't they! Go to sleep now, will you little wrestler!"
"What the hell!" YN stopped feeling them move out of nowhere. "Did they just stopped moving?"
Harry chuckled, "they already listen to their Papa, don't they?" His thumb ran gentle strokes over the oversized shirt she wore.
"Yeah." She's in awe again. But took advantage and moved back to relax maybe take in a nap before long car ride back home the next day. Harry got up quickly and got the blanket from the bed.
"C'mere." He sat next to her again with his arm draped onto the back rest of the sofa. YN hesitantly leaned in resting her head on his shoulder as she tried to sleep.
......................................................................
Next morning was chaos.
YN was throwing up so their drive back was delayed. Julia was accompanying them as Harry offered. He saved her the hassle of taking a train back home. So it was now Julia and YN play arguing over some snacks they bought just before getting in the car.
Harry had a great time watching them bicker back and forth without offending one another. He'd act as if he's not paying attention when either of them tried to bring him in their pretend argument, not wanting to be the bad guy.
That was pretty much it for the day.
......................................................................
The very next day was when Harry resumed his duty of taking her to and from work.
He wants to make sure she's safe and sound himself. Sure he trust Jeremy with his own life. But he gets more time to spend with YN.
"Hi!" She greeted him with a warm smile on her in morning when he picked her up.
Harry took to this very lovely breakfast place, one because Lizzie is on a vacation, and two he can't cook to even save his life without burning down his kitchen. He's hungry and he knows she might have not eaten well either.
"I can't believe you out of all people are eating out today!" YN pointed out sipping on her smoothie.
"Lizzie is on a vacation." He shared.
"You didn't cook?" Harry just glanced at her sheepishly, "so you're going to eat out till she comes back?"
"I guess, or maybe I'll crash at my mum's."
She giggled, "come over tonight, I'll make you something to eat."
"You don't have to darling, you're already tired enough." He found her glaring at him, enough to be intimidating. "Alright!"
And that's what they did. Harry picked her up from work and they went straight to grocery shopping, because she didn't had much left at home and they went back to her place.
Julia was home, watching TV.
Harry had figured the blondie is fun to hang out with, she just hated him for reasons he doesn't know. Well, maybe for treating her best friend like crap that night at his bar.
"Hello mamas, how was your day?" She spoke looking behind, "oh look mister grumpy pants is here too!"
"Hello to you too, blondie." Harry waved at her.
"You're staying in tonight, J?" YN asked to which Julia nodded, "I'm making dinner."
"I was just going to order us Pizza!" Blondie gasped in excitement and followed the pair into the kitchen. Harry noticed a few boxes in the kitchen. Like someone was moving out.
"Who's moving out?" He asked.
"The newly weds." Julia shared as YN made a run to the loo. "They got their own place now."
"Awh!" Harry cooed. Both of them took out the ingredients from the bags mean while YN came back, in a civil manner. Civil manner from Julia mostly.
"Can I please have the kitchen to myself?" YN asked as she stepped back in the kitchen. She doesn't like the clutter in kitchen when she's cooking, and knowing her best friend, Blondie would definitely pick a fight with Harry.
"I'll leave." Julia saw herself out to continue watching whatever animal documentary she was watching.
"I'm staying to help." Harry announced as he rolled up sleeves of his white dress shirt. YN said nothing as she handed him an apron, knowing his short costs as much as a month worth of rent.
She started off by chopping onions and tomatoes. Harry's eyes almost started tearing up as he stood there waiting for her instructions to do something.
"Oh my god those onions!" He hissing covering his eyes and making YN laugh.
"Go sit out, I can do this." She told him.
"No, I'm fine. I'm fine." He sniffled. "What are we having though?"
"Okra, which is Bhindee, Roti, rice and Daal." She shared the menu with him.
"Never had that before." He sounded intrigued to try new food, "the most I've had is Biryani, Jeremy's wife made."
"You're missing out." She sighed dramatically.
"Really?"
"Really!"
"Guess we'll have to ask Lizzie to make new foods then." He announced. And he for sure is going to ask his cook to make some new foods.
Harry had a few things to share with her, but given her friend is in other room he figured he'll do that the next day.
Barely two and half months till baby is here, the appointments were now every other week instead of every month. He wanted to know when was she planning to put in her maternity leave.
He just wants her to be comfortable, standing for hours on hours teaching is very fucking tiring. And dealing with teenagers? That's whole new level of difficult in his opinion. Though the summer vacation have already begun, she still went to work.
The cat, Noodle just walked past his legs to YN and lingered around the kitchen as she cooked.
"Can you stir this a few times in between?" YN asked him.
"Yes!" He's been waiting for this, he took on the work. The dinner was done in no time. Even the cat was given it's dinner around the same time.
Harry had a quiet night watching a Dinasaur documentary. YN seemed very interested in that as they all sat on the floor with coffee table as their dining table.
......................................................................
The very next week. Kayla and Josh were back from their honeymoon as they got ready to move out.
Even Julia had found herself a place to move to so she can afford the rent. YN was going to live at Harry's place, as per the contract as she's nearing the due date.
Like promised, Harry took days off to help YN pack up her stuff. She just clothes and a few things to move, like her bed which she sold as she'd have nowhere to keep it. And that was it.
It was pretty emotional leaving the place she called home from past five years. She hoped she'd finally get to go see her dad this summer but maybe she can go during winter break.
Back at Harry's, she got the room she spent a night at once. The closet was empty for her to fill it up.
YN didn't know what was upstairs, maybe Harry didn't used that floor. His bedroom was downstairs, maybe the floor above had guest bedrooms. She remembered Lizzie saying it is a six bedroom house. There were few people working in the other spare room that day. Maybe he's getting the nursery ready.
That thought made YN's heart sink again.
She spent a couple of hours just putting her clothes away from the boxes. She didn't know she had that many clothes, and none of those fit her anyway now. So she placed all of the clothes which don't fit her and she doesn't want to wear in a separate box to donate.
She was just on her last box when Harry came in with tea and a few snacks. He knew she needed to take her vitamins and few other medications doctor have prescribed to her, she needed to eat something for that. They had a very early lunch.
"You want me to help you with those?" He asked as he placed the tray on the ottoman in the closet.
"I'm almost done. Those are for donation." YN explained.
"That's like half of your closet." He pointed out, she just sighed and continued to place last few closed in their shelves. "We'll go shopping tomorrow, yeah?"
"It's fine, I am fine with these for now." She gesture at the clothes she had.
It looked like the closet was empty. She never had a walk in closet before, it was very new to her. She had very limited space at her last place anyway.
"Come on now I got Chai and snacks. Made it just the way you showed me yesterday." He grabbed a gentle hold of her hand as he walked her out. "You want to make any modifications to this room? We should add a study table so you can work comfortably."
"I just have a week and half of work left, don't need a study table. But thank you." She tried her best to smile but all she could think about was the baby she will never see again.
"You alright?" Harry could sense she is in deep thoughts but he let her decide if she wants to share it.
"Yeah, I just need a nap." Maybe she can sleep and her worries would go away. Yeah, she can try that whilst the baby is not moving.
"Okay, but at least eat something, yeah?" He suggested, "I'll be just outside."
"Mhmm." She picked up the mug of chai. She is going to eat before she sleep though.
......................................................................
YN couldn't sleep. So she decided to take a warm shower, got everything ready but she got a call from her dad. She just sat there talking to him for a while.
She hadn't told her dad that the baby was her's too, and she wasn't just carrying it for a couple. Not that he would be mad, but she just wanted someone to share it with. Someone who she shared that close bond with.
They talked about her little brother's latest behaviours, how he's getting back on track and getting the help he needs. Her dad shared that he went upto him to talk about it. YN was relieved from that worry of her. Her dad also shared how her brother was interested in modeling and that he's gone to a few casting too and all that stuff. He also shared that the doctors gave him a pass that he can go work in person in a next few months given his very fast recovery.
YN was over the moon hearing that. That was the reason she took that very big decision.
She had a nice cry and stayed in her designated room all night, sulking in her bed.
At least she got some sleep.
Harry didn't bother her until the next morning when she had breakfast in her room. He went to check in on her and take her shopping like he said last night. He managed to convince her to with him. But that was it.
......................................................................
Harry had managed to get YN's input on the nursery, which was very slowly coming together. He didn't mind if it was finished before the baby is here, because they won't be sleeping alone for a long time. She helped him build the cot, the dresser and changing table after the room was painted.
It was all wholesome and animal themed, on her suggestion. The room was already filled with a load of sensory toys, stuffed animals and loads of story books. The half of the room was already being planned to be padded with crash pads and a pretty soft rug on top and a small play fence. Everything was baby proof in the entire house already.
He was working from home now so he could do rest of work himself. Of course he encouraged YN to help him because all she did was sulk in her room after she was done working. But now she's not working. Her summer break as teacher had begun and she'd miss the next semester due to her maternity leave.
Just two weeks and half to the due date. It was rhe thirty-ninth week, almost fortieth.
"I don't know mum." YN overhead Harry talking to his mother about something. He was on his laptop looking for something, "yup that's great idea, I'll ask the doctor." She reckoned it must be about the baby so she waddled carefully towards him.
"What's wrong?" She asked.
"I don't know which diapers to get. What if little bean has sensitive skin?" He whined in concern.
YN tried to hold back her laugh but failed, "get the reusable cotton ones. But yeah, you'll have to wash like a fifty of them at least twice a day."
"Is that really a good choice then?" He asked, now intrigued.
"Hmm." YN nodded. "I've usually seen grandma's making cloth diapers from used cotton clothes for babies. It's not harsh on their skin. I looked after my brother when he was a baby and my dad and grandma prohibited the use of single use diapers, unless we were going out or something. I've heard from a few friends back home that now you can buy those online too."
"Yeah?" He was impressed, "how many do you think will the baby need?"
"The more the merrier." She shrugged and started waddling back in kitchen.
There was a lot of left over noodles left in the fridge from lunch, which Lizzie left because she had leave early due to some emergencies. Or that all would go to the homeless in the community. The lady hated seeing the food go to waste.
Harry followed after her. He found her new waddle adorable. "You having dinner?"
"Yeah, you want me to heat up some for you too?" She asked as she took out the container.
"Yeah," he nodded, "do you want to watch a movie or something?" To which she surprisingly agreed.
He's been worried about her lately spending all her days in her room. Making up excuses so she can be in her room. They ate and sat watching The Witcher together on the sofa.
Harry had her tucked closer to him with his hand on the bump. Both were getting comfortable with one another. It was getting harder and harder for Harry to find a way fast enough to confess his feelings for her. He doesn't want it to be too late, but he barely knows how to. With a baby in mix.
He is in a complicated situation.
So is YN. She's grown comfortable around him. It's difficult when he's got to go for in person meeting last minute. She's gotten used to his antiques and how he bugs her every other hour to eat something or just do something with him. He's also managed to get her out for a nice walk, luring her with promises of ice cream. Which worked all the time.
She knows she's way past her infatuation, crush, and like phases with him. She's halfway sure she's in love with him. It was new.
She's only been with one person before but it only lasted for barely three months. She's been through the first few stages, but not this.
And there is a baby in the mix. Everything is happening backwards or out of order to confuse her even more.
But she's sleepy because has stopped moving for a few minutes now, or at least they've stopped kicking and punching her insides. She's learned to. She snuggled closer to Harry as her eyelids got heavier and heavier, until she was fast asleep.
......................................................................
It was the forty-first week. Harry and YN were out on a walk to go get ice cream. He had just gotten home from his last minute meeting. Lizzie so nicely offered to stay with her until he's back home. He hadn't even got to change as he directly to serving YN the dinner before he took her out to ice cream place.
They met his elderly neighbours who thought that he's got a wife now, they congratulated the couple as they walked past after a few minutes of talking. It was awkward, but made YN feel silly and giddy inside.
Turned out they know Harry very well, but the elderly couple seemed to be in hurry before either them could say anything. The walk to and from ice cream shop was slightly awkward. But they had to hurry back as YN was felt a sharp contraction.
Highly likely, it wasn't a Braxton Hicks thing, given the baby could arrive anytime.
YN wanted to be back in comfort of her bed in case anything happens. And Harry said he wanted to talk about something to her, maybe share something.
Maybe it was about how she'll have to leave the baby now. Maybe there were a few legal obligations. She had so many maybe's running through her mind in that moment. And Harry forgot about it in worries of what was happening.
Her contractions kept getting closer and closer rapidly every hour and half. It wasn't until her water broke. She was in bathroom luckily.
YN started panicking inside. She's not the one to scream when in pain, but she is wincing. It felt like her period cramps were on some heavy drugs and steroids.
"Hey, hey look at me." Harry tried to get her attention, "breathe with me, darling, it's okay." He did the rapid breathing exercises with her a few times before he got to getting the hospital bag. Even stuffed a spare outfit managed to get in the bag.
The drive to the car was painful and slow. There was no traffic given it was four in the morning. Harry had to drive carefully. He just hated seeing her cry in pain like that, getting flashbacks. This time the baby is healthy, YN is healthy. He parked closee to the entrance.
"Help me out please." YN mumbled.
"Yeah, yeah," Harry hurried out, but another contraction hit her. "It's okay, breathe baby." He held her hand tightly.
"It hurts, it hurts so bad!" She is crying, tears falling down her cheeks and all.
"It is going to hurt more if you keep holding your breath, darling." He rubbed his hand on her back.
She sighed, "I'm good, I'm good." Announcing she carefully stepped out of the car.
Harry followed her behind closely because she said she can walk just fine. Or waddle just fine enough. They were just halfway through the maternity department when another contraction hit her.
She stopped mumbling, grabbing onto Harry for support.
YN knew she can't handle this pain, she can only imagine how it would be pushing a heavy ass baby out through her vagina. It was going to hurt even more. A lot more. She can't do that now. Can she back off?
"We're so close love, you think you can walk?" Harry asked.
"Yes." She nodded and walked to the reception where they were checked in.
YN was asked to change into a hospital gown immediately and checked on. She was dilating on a good pace, and she was advised to move around to speed up the process even faster. She paced back and forth in the room but her pain was getting worse every passing contraction.
"You, you want to call your family and tell them?" YN suggested as she sped walked up and down in the labour and delivery room.
"I will do that later, YN," he shared, "you can ask for the epidural, you know?"
"I know, I know, just not now." She sniffled on her tears, but she broke down crying sat on the edge of hospital bed.
"Hey, c'mere." He hugged her, "everything is going just fine."
"I don't know, I don't know if I can do this." She sobbed, "I want to have a C-section. I can't do this."
"It's more risky, darling." Harry was surprised, "you can do this."
"Just talk to the doctor for me, please--" another contraction hit her right in the crotch.
And Harry did. After all it's her body, she can decide whatever. Given she's in agony and her decisions might not be right. He wouldn't invalidate her feelings like that. But Doctor Wilson adviced against her idea, unless there is an emergency, because honestly it had more risks to her. That made her real upset.
"Hey, you know there are cons to it." Harry cooed as he sat next to her, "the recovery time is longer, it's more painful, there are more chances of hemorrhage. I know you can do it."
"I don't care, I just want them to healthy."
"They're healthy, love, look you can see and hear their heartbeats there." He pointed at the heart monitor which was keeping track of the baby's heartbeat.
It was half past six in the morning, when YN finally gave in and asked for an epidural at eight centimetres dilation. Harry was asked to step out just so the room is clear and the procedure is done without any interruptions. It took them a whole hour to call him back in. Meanwhile he called his mother and asked her to come over if she could, he honestly didn't know what he could do. YN was in so much pain and it was getting just as hard on him to watch. He cried on the phone call with his mum.
But just a few minutes later YN seemed less stressed. "How are you feeling now?"
"Can't feel much waist down." She chuckled slightly, "this is why I waited so long to get the epidural."
"At the pain is less now, right?"
"Mhmm."
"You want anything?" He sniffled.
"You were crying?" She realised, "no, why are you crying Harry, the baby is fine."
"I know, I know." He nodded, "I'll get you more ice chips, yeah, just five minutes?"
"Okay."
Harry so badly wanted to tell her that he cares about her as well there. He is crying of two reasons, the baby is going to be here today and he just can't see her suffer like that. His mum was there by that time. She brought him coffee and said Gemma was on the way with breakfast for everyone.
Harry just couldn't bring himself to eat until way after the baby is here. But it was nice of his sister. His mum went out to get more bottles of water whilst he brought the ice chips to YN. He noticed the contraction were way harder than he last checked but she wasn't hissing in pain like before rather she lied there with her eyes closed.
"Hey YN, you want anything?" He asked again handing her cup.
"No, I'm fine. Thank you for this." She smiled.
"Those are higher than the last time I checked." He looked at the monitor again.
"It's feels like period cramps now." She shared, "it's bearable."
"That great!" He flashed his dimply smile finally. "Now, I, I-- to be honest I don't know what to do or say, so I just asked my mum to come over. She can be a great help, I, I can just call her in if you need to talk to her about anything which she can help with."
"No, you didn't had to bother her. I'm fine." A crease formed between her brows, a look of worry. He should asked his family to come visit after the baby was here, especially his mother. She bet the lady has more important work to do than be there to help her.
"It's alright, love." It was his mother. Pretty evident as Harry looks like a copy of her. "You're not a bother." She placed the water bottles on the side table. "I'm Anne, Harry's mum."
"Hello, I'm YN," she greeted her with a smile, "I feel bad now."
"It's okay, you can tell me what you need. I had two kids of my own, so I bet I can be pretty good help." Anne smiled.
She waited around the back as nurse checked on YN twice already. Harry sat next to her on the edge of her bed. His mum of course knew everything, he told her before he even told YN about it. In hope she might have a way to help him. She tried but he is just too anxious for that.
"What are you going name them?" She asked.
"Have a few names picked out, you want to help me?" He pulled out his phone and opened his notes app before she could say anything. "Let me know if you have any suggestions too." He handed her his phone. He had a list of ten names each for boy and girl and some just neutral names.
"You sure you want me to have a look?"
"Of course!" He shrugged.
Another good few hours went by, YN was starting to feel more pain but it was not something crazy. She was finally given a green flag for pushing. It wasn't as painful as she thought it would be due to the epidural she got, though she's sure it's gonna kick once it wears off. She didn't know how long she has been pushing for or now many were needed, all she thought about the baby's health. A nurse placed a clean towel over her chest.
YN panicked as the baby didn't started crying immediately, but they did once their back was rubbed. It was a loud high pitched scream cry.
"It's a girl!" Doctor Wilson announced as she placed the girl on her chest and YN stopped breathing in that moment.
That shouldn't have happened. They should have taken the baby away immediately. Now she was holding onto her, she doesn't want to let go. She started sobbing too.
"She does have a lot of hair." Harry commented, that's when YN realised she wasn't alone in the room with the new baby girl, her crying had gotten down to just few whimpers.
"Yeah!" YN cooed.
"Alright, YN a few more pushes for the afterbirth." Doctor Wilson caught her attention and someone was picking up the girl off her chest.
"No, no don't take her please." YN panicked, "please!"
"Can we please hold her longer?" Harry asked the nurse who of course agreed to it. YN held onto the girl the entire time until the pediatrician said they really have to weigh and check on the baby.
Harry stayed by her side as his mum was there whilst they checked the baby girl. YN looked at him confused. "You want some water?" He fetched her the bottle of water, "you did so amazing, she's here. It's a girl!"
"Like you wanted." YN nodded.
......................................................................
YN was all changed up into a clean hospital gown. She was given a very hearty meal.
The baby girl weighed nine pounds and eight ounces, no wonder why YN couldn't walk by the very end. She's definitely got a lot of hair on her head.
YN wasn't asked to feed her, hell, she haven't even got to see her again even though they're in the same room. She have been bleeding very bad so her stay at the hospital will be by the next evening. It was way past afternoon now. Harry has been going back and forth between her and the baby girl. She had asked him to talk to the pediatrician saying she's fine there as the nurse checked on her.
She doesn't even know what's her name is going to be.
"Ms. YLN, do you have family or friends we can call up for your discharge next day?" A nurse asked YN, everyone knows it's just a surrogacy case. By the talk of nurse, looked like Harry could take the baby home by tonight or even by early evening.
"Yeah, I, I'll call my friend." She nodded. The lady then proceeded to ask her questions on her pain levels, how she was feeling.
"Alright, we'll move you to the recovery room but you are advised to walk around every hour or so, for as much as you physically can." The nurse explained, "please don't push yourself to do more than you can."
"I will." YN nodded again. She tried to get off her bed and go find her phone in the mess which was the sofa chair now. It was painful, every step but she has to move around anyway, it wasn't certainly her first time out of bed after giving birth. She can say it was teeny bit less pain. She found her phone to text Julia to come over toni to the hospital. "Hello."
"Hey sexy, what's up?" Julia spoke.
"Just had the baby few hours ago." YN shared, talking as low as she could, "can I please ask you for a favour?"
"Sure, what's up?"
"I want you to come pick me up tomorrow, they want to keep me here overnight so I don't bleed out." YN shared, "and uhhhh... I'll also be needing help to get, ummm... my clothes and stuff the next morning. I, I promise I'll be out as soon as I find a flat."
"Are you kidding me?" Is the first thing Julia yelled, "isn't Harry going to be taking care of the afterbirth thing too?"
"I don't know. I forgot. I'm just feeling so alone right now. I don't want to bother him, he's with the baby and his mum." YN was trying hard not to cry. "Please come and see me?"
"I, I will as soon as I get off work, yeah?" Julia now sounded worried, "I'll ask if I can clock out early."
"Thank you!"
"Don't mention it, I'll be there. I promise!"
"Okay." She hung up the call.
"Hey, what are you doing out of bed love?" She heard Harry, "you feeling better now?"
"Yeah." She sounded walking back to the bed, "nurse said I'll be moved to the recovery room. They want to keep here for the night."
"No, what's wrong?" He followed her, baby in his arms. YN watched Anne leave whilst on a phone call, "what did they say?"
"It's nothing, I, I am bleeding too much." She shared, "I, I should probably go to the bathroom now."
"You want me to call the nurse?"
"No, I'll be fine." YN walked to the loo as fast as she could. When she came out the baby was crying and whining. The nurses were in and out of the room since they got there, she is already overwhelmed enough.
"Do you know how to swaddle her?" Harry sounded terrified, "changed her nappy, I don't know what's going on!"
"Let me see." She went ahead and put the new baby in a warm cosy swaddle.
"That's incredible!" Harry gasped, "look at her, all cosy now."
"Yeah." Baby girl is still whining. She's defin hungry. "Did she eat anything?"
"No, I wanted to ask if, if you wanted to breastfeed her. Only if you're fine." Harry shared, "the nurse is gone to bring the formula just incase."
"You'd be fine with that?"
"You sound surprised. Of course I'd be fine with that." He doesn't know what is going on. "I mean it's your choice at the end."
"I, I know--" before she could say anything further the nurse was back. But she rather ended up showing YN now to feed the baby.
That made her feel like dying now as she watched the baby nurse from her breast. She's in an awful state in that moment. But the baby had a full tummy, was burped and lied on her cot. It's exhausting being born, isn't it!
"Hey, what is going on YN?" Harry asked, finally.
"Nothing, I told you."
"It's not nothing. You're spacing out, come on talk to me darling." He cooed as he sat on the edge of her bed, "what did you mean they're going to move you to the recovery room? I don't know what is going on."
"You're not going home with her?"
"Not without you, no." He seemed more confused, "I'm more confused, YN."
"The nurse told me to call family or friends so they can take me home the next day." She shared, "I, I guess you can take her home in a few hours."
"You're coming home. Can't leave you like this here." He is now getting mad, "I told you I'm going to take care of you after the baby is here as well, didn't I? Not going to leave you alone. Little bean needs you, I need you."
"Why did she said it like that then?" She looked at him with eyes pooled up with tears.
"I'll talk to them," he assured her, "I know why she said it like that. I promise you I'm not going to leave you here. Why didn't you tell me before, hmm?"
"You were with you mother and baby, didn't wanted to bother you."
"I'm sorry you felt that way, but you're never a bother. Especially to me." He pushed her baby hair out of her face, "we'll go to the recovery room, have something to tell you."
"Okay." YN nodded, "I, I need to tell Julia, I, I called as I panicked. I'm sorry."
"It's alright." He assured her again, "you can ask your friends to come see her when we're out of here so it's more comfortable."
Harry made sure to make it clear that the baby and the mother are going to stay until she is discharged too, and that she is to be treated kindly there. He's seen a few nurses there being mean to her. Just because they knew little bean is related to her too and she was just giving away her child like that. Those nurses had a shift change anyway.
Gemma came over to see the baby too, she came with warm and healthy lunch. It was from a restaurant as she burnt the lasagna she was making on accident, hence why Anne hurried out. Least to say Gemma cried holding little bean.
"Is that hair underneath the hat?" She slightly pushed the hat back to check, "oh my god, yeah!"
"Yeah, got that from her mum." Harry bragged, YN almost choked on the water she was drinking hearing him say that.
Both of the ladies stayed till the last visiting hours. Finally there was quietness. Little bean had yet another meal, and is now laying on YN's shoulder. She's also been already holding up her head, and opening her eyes. She got those from Harry. Her fluffy cheeks had the slightest of the dimples.
It was a Styles trademark now, the dimples.
"When we get back," Harry spoke catching YN's attention, "I wanted to ask you a few things, make sure you're fine with them."
"Mhmm."
"I don't quite know how to help, this is obviously new. So I looked into it, found out about the Doula, they come in and help with the postpartum period, help take care of the baby. It'll be healthy for you and her." He tried his best to explain it in a best way possible, "I, I also know it's a huge part of the culture where you're from. We can or not go with the confinement thing, however you prefer it. So if you're fine with that, or we can figure it out as we go."
"No, no, I'd really like that." YN agreed, "frankly I don't know what to do either, I'm more tired now."
"We can stay in our little bubble until you recover and she's a bit older then, yeah?" He suggested, "and also, I've been wanting to ask you this for a while."
"Hmm, what?"
"I, I know you did not sign up for this. Was thinking of terminating the agreement you signed." He was holding onto his breath tightly, readying himself for her reaction, "I, I think she'd be more happier to have her second parent around."
"Really?" She's now crying again. The baby can call her Mumma now.
"Mhmm, I've already told my lawyer to get on it." He explained and a few more things, "we'll just have to sign the discharge papers and her birth certificate tomorrow before we take her home."
It warmed his heart to see how much little bean is loved already. The first time he got to hold her, all of the air was sucked out of his lungs. So tiny, and she felt warm against him, just how she moved her head to find a comfortable position to sleep on in his arms, hopefully feeling safe and sound.
It was a rainbows and unicorns moment for him. He thought he wouldn't be able to feel that connection with her, though she's a whole new person. He needs time to get to know her. It was all unexplainable.
It made him furious seeing how she's been treated by some of the nurses today, but it all sorted now. He dropped a quick message to his assistant to get the Doula on board. He found someone just perfect. It was an Indian lady around his mum's age with decades and decades worth of experience. It would also make YN feel at home.
Even though he stayed away from making his own conclusions, he could tell YN was slipping away in her thoughts with the baby. He's seen how bonded she already was and he'd hear her randomly talking to bump, or taking pictures in the mirrors around the house. Her initial decision of declining his offer has always been enough to remind him. She held back on so many of her opinions.
He wanted to hear them all. He figured it would be very unfair for both baby girl and YN to be away from one another.
"Is it going to be me visiting her every weekend? Or how, how do you want it to go?" YN asked.
"About that..." Harry shuffled in his seat, which has been the same since they got to the hospital, right on the edge of her bed. "Can I hold your hand for this?" And he grabbed a hold of her hand which didn't had a IV needle in it. "Don't want you slapping me across the face."
"I would never!" She gasped making him chuckle sheepishly.
"Just kidding." He took in a deep breath. "I want to make that everyday. I'm going to be so bad at this, at least for a while. But I've grown fond of you. So, so, so fond of you, couldn't realise when I fell in love with you. I want to be with you if you want that. Things are not planned but they can be figured on the way. We can do this together." He doesn't even want to think about her rejecting him.
"Wait," a blank look on her face made him more and more anxious. She's just processing he reckoned. "You're saying you like me?"
"Yeah..." He tried to process her question too, "well, it's more than that actually."
"You like me?" She asked again, emphasising the first and last word of her question.
"Let's switch that like for love, then yes. Most definitely, yes!" He said, little firmly. She just looked so flabbergasted.
"So you don't like me?" She spoke overwhelmed of everything in that moment, "wait, what? My brain just... What?" That made Harry giggle.
"Is it that hard to believe I'd ever say that?" He asked.
"Never imagined you'd say that, to me." She scoffed in disbelief, she still doubts he might be pranking her.
"And why would you say that?"
"I don't know," she sighed almost on the edge of crying, "I've been nothing but mean to you all this time, even though I didn't mean to. I'm sorry I don't mean to cry either, I don't know what is going on!" And the water works started.
"Awh, darling it's alright!" Harry cooed and immediately pulled her in a hug, he recieved one right back, "today have been so overwhelming for you, I know that but couldn't wait till tomorrow. We have to sign up the paper work and I reckoned it would be bad idea to put you in spot on the last moment, in case you have changed your mind about anything."
"No, I, I will not." She shook her head now sniffling. "Did you really mean what you said?"
"Every single word." He placed a feathery kiss on top of her head. He would be contained if she doesn't feel the same way, he at least tried. "I love you. More than a friend, more than just being mum of our new girl."
YN squeezed him tighter. Would be too awkward to tell him she loves him too? Why would it be awkward? She would sound stupid, wouldn't she?
"I love you." She mumbled.
"I love you!" He chuckled softly squeezing her right back.
"Oh, my back hurts." She shared pulling away from their hug. Her back really did hurt, every bone in her body hurt in that moment.
"Oops, sorry," he helped her with the pillows behind her back.
The baby girl softly sighing in her sleep right next to YN's hospital bed caught his attention. Her small mouth curled up in a O as she let out a long breath.
"It's tiring being born, isn't it?" Harry pulled the cot closer so he can place a kiss on his baby's head. She squirmed raising her swaddled legs kicking him right in the face, earning a gasp from him. "Oh, now I know how your Mummy felt."
"Hey she's just a baby!" He heard YN from behind.
"Yeah you two are going to team up against me." He surrendered in defeat already. "Just want to hold her for hours."
"She'll get used to it and won't let you sleep." YN shared. He agrees. She needs space to grow, he can be smothering all the time.
"A little smothering can be excused." He shrugged giving his full attention to her now. "This is going all backwards, isn't it?" He moved closer, holding her hand close to his heart after he placed a kiss on her knuckles.
"Doesn't matter though."
"No it doesn't." He smiled at her. "It's nearly dinner time, the Doula will be here anytime now."
"You already called her?" She looked rather shocked, "whem did you do that?"
"Texted my PA, and I got a text from her when you were feeding Bean, firmly warning me from giving you anything other than water." He shared.
"She's going to be the ultimate mama bear." YN giggled.
She's seen her Nani, her mum's mum looking after her daughters and her grand daughters during their postpartum confinement. It seems to be brutal that she has to give up icecream for the next six weeks, and burgers, and pizza, and every one of her favourite junk food, nothing but warm healthy food she'll be eating. It's going to be tough, but she signed up for it when she agreed.
Of course it isn't her Nani so it's going to be different she reckoned.
"Are we going to keep calling her Bean?" She asked.
"Not quite settled on any names you picked out." He said, "which one do you like the most? You chose, Starla, Evara and Juniper."
"I don't know." She shrugged.
"Come on, help me out here." He affirmed, "you know we're in this together."
"Okay, how about you pick from Juniper or Starla?" She shortened the list for him.
"Hmm, lets see." He looked at the baby for a second and back to YN. "Looks like she's meant to be named..." She looked at him eagerly, so hoping he'd pick her favourite name, "...Juniper?"
"Yeah!" She exclaimed, beaming at him now. "Is she going to have a middle name? It's a thing here right?"
"Don't you have a middle name?"
"I don't. We use our dads, or most recently either one of our parents name on the legal documents and stuff, otherwise no middle name." She explained.
"Shes definitely going to have a middle name." He nodded, "I have it picked out already."
"You do?"
"Mhmm, it's going to be a surprise for you till the morning." He leaned in closer, hoping he could steal a kiss finally.
"Okay--" before she could say anything there was a knock on the door. It was the Doula.
"Hello, I'm Mrs. Nimrit Singh." The lady introduced herself. Right off the bat, she had a very homely vibe to her, "I am the doula you contacted."
"Oh yes, I am Harry." Harry introduce himself, "and this is YN."
"Hello beta." She greeted YN with a bright smile and a warm hug.
"Hello," YN smiled back, all of a sudden feeling her anxiety and stress about how she'd deal with everything related to her postpartum. "This is Juniper."
"She's absolutely precious!" Mrs. Singh awed at the chubby baby sleeping in her cot.
"She is." Harry agreed.
"I brought you two dinner." She said, "and I also be wanting to know when you two will be going home so I can prepare accordingly."
"Doctor Wilson said we'll be discharged by tomorrow evening." YN shared and few more things Mrs. Singh asked for.
"Okay then, I'll bring breakfast in the morning." Mrs. Singh announced, "and Harry I want you to make sure she gets enough sleep and she doesn't drink or eat anything cold, it's not healthy for her or the baby."
"I will do that." Harry nodded, "no ice cream for you then Missy."
"No!" YN whined.
"Just six weeks and you can eat whatever you want." Mrs. Singh assured her, it melted YN's heart.
"Okay." She made a puppy face.
They all ate dinner together, getting to know one another as they'll be spending next month and half to two months together. Mrs. Singh is a very lovely lady, calm and bubbly at the same time. She stood shorter, graying hair at her hairline, pretty gray eyes held so much motherly love behind them. She also wanted to in and check herself jf the house was ready enough for the baby and the mother, ready a warm bath and stuff. It was all new to Harry but YN seemed to know what she was talking about there.
Mrs. Singh bonded well with YN and Harry. Apparently fathers go through a lot too during the postpartum, so she had asked him to tell her anything which is bothering him like she's his mother.
"Mrs. Singh, our house keeper and chef Lizzie will be there by five-thirty to six tomorrow if you needed anything." Harry shared as the lady was getting ready to leave for the night. "I'll let the guard know you'll be there."
"Thank you." She smiled again. She stayed for well over three hours before she left.
"She reminded me of my Mumma." YN shared, "she talks like her. She's even got gray eyes like my Mumma."
"Yeah? That's nice, isn't it?" Harey went and sat back on his place next to her, "I quite like her too, love her jokes."
YN moved to a side to make space for him, she patted the pillow, "come on."
"You sure?"
"Mhmm." And he got in, as he pulled her closer with his arm around her shoulder.
"You know this is probably the best day of my life." He shared.
"Is it?"
"Hmm." He sounded in agreement, "just took me too long to tell you how I feel. You've been anxious all day today."
"It's nothing, I forgot about it."
"Hope you at least could experience this to the fullest." He looked down to find him already looking at him, "you know the birth and all."
"Well, it was too enjoyable getting ripped open down there, but once doctor Wilson placed her on my chest it was everything!" And she'd give everything to experience that moment over and over again.
"Felt the same way when I held her for the first time." He shared too, "she was still whimpering, but calmed down as soon as I held her."
"You're her favourite."
"Oh come on, don't be jealous." He rolled his eyes jokingly.
"Don't roll your eyes at me." She scoffed.
"Bean's mummy is my favourite too." He gave her a cheeky smile making her blush, she hugged him tight in response. "Hey, look at me please?"
"Yes?" She raised her head yet again to look at him action nonchalant, that earned a laugh from him.
"Promise me we'll give everything to make this work?" He intertwined his fingers with hers over his tummy, "if this, for any reason doesn't work out, we'd work together for Bean?"
Harry's anxiety about this has been all time high, since he came to terms with his feelings. He's been cheated on twice, went through messiest breakups, he wants Juniper to have the best life as possible. Regardless of what happens to him.
"Don't want to jinx anything. You know I've stayed away from all this for long now." He continued, "just to give this a try with you. Hopefully it works out."
"Why won't it?" She said, "I know I'm not in place to say this, but everything works out at the end and if doesn't it's fine. Well, I just need a moment to freak out a little before, you know that's just how I function. We can make this work."
"Don't know how you do this." He just shook his head in disbelief, not even twelve hours ago she has been freaking out, wanting be cut open thinking it'll be easier way out. "We can make this work, yeah."
"Yeah, that's the attitude!" She hyped him up. He knows it's her teacher side coming out.
"I didn't want it to be this way, but will you be my girlfriend, YN?" He leaned in closer to just feel her warmth.
"Mhmm." She rested her forehead on his. It was enough for him to make the first move, place his lips on hers. Butterflies made their way upto her head from her tummy making her brain grow fuzzy for a moment.
"Waited so long for this too." He mumbled before he was kissing her again, feeling her hand rest over his cheek. He eventually pulled away to let her breathe. "Think we should try and get some sleep?" He placed a delicate kiss on the tip of her nose.
"Yep."
......................................................................
Harry and YN slept all fine the entire night. In fact YN was still asleep when Bean woke up. She was given her vaccines and checked on once again. She's all healthy and fit to go to her home. They were being discharged just before breakfast.
Harry forgot the car seat at home, so he asked Jeremy to get it who so kindly agreed too. Harry got all the paper work done, his lawyer had already had the previous agreement terminated first thing this morning.
"And what will be her full name?" The nurse asked. YN looked at Harry because she doesn't know her middle name yet.
"It will be Juniper Sophia Styles." Harry spoke, "or it can be YLN-Styles, YN?"
"Oh, I," she was flabbergasted again, "I, I don't mind."
"It'll be YLN-Styles please." Harry told the nurse, even spelled out the name. Just a few signatures later they were walking out with the baby and their stuff. Harry held the bag with his arm around YN's waist as she had Bean in her arms.
They're just gonna call her Bean. It suits her more. She is a bean.
"You picked my mum's name to be her middle name?" YN asked and she waddled next to him.
It is still painful to walk okay!
"Of course I did, darling." Her agreed.
"Is that the new baby!" Jeremy gasped.
"She is!" YN cooed walking over to him.
"Oh she's precious!" Who knew Bean would melt a tough looking six and half feet bulky guy awing like a little person, but she did. "Can I hold her?"
"Of course you can!" YN handed Bean to him carefully as she helped Harry with the bags. Yep, they came with one bag but are leaving with two as the hospital gave YN some stuff which she needs, like medications, sanitary products, there was a pump and jar or formula just in case. There was a lot of stuff.
The car ride home was peaceful and calm, Bean was awake just staring at her mum sitting next to her, but she's mostly sleepy. She's all bundled up even though it's a little warmer on Mrs. Singh's advice. She needs time to adjust because it has always been warm in her mummy's belly. Her tiny hands were in tiny mittens and there was tiny beanie on her head which her Aunty Gemma knitted just for her by hand.
Jeremy drove as Harry was sat in the passenger seat.
They're going home.
YN is both anxious and excited to see what life has in store in future. At least she wouldn't have to leave her baby and act like she doesn't exist for the rest of her life. That was like the universe worth of weight lifted off her back.
......................................................................
N O T E :
Phewwww! It took longer than I expected to finish!
If you kept up with this story, this is the last part. There won't be more parts of these.
I might do little check-ins with them, if I get enough requests and responses. If not then I won't. I left it on an open ending.
......................................................................
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FIC REC FIFTEENTH
I've been so busy lately I've been neglecting the good fics of AO3. In the spirit of getting back into it, I'm gonna make a list (or recommendation list) of the fics I read and like over the course of the month!
Disclaimer—these are not One Piece specific, despite the majority of this blog being so. 'Tis whatever strikes my fancy
(tagging the authors whose blogs i know/can find because i need you all to know i love you sm. feel free to yell at me)
SFW FICS
Bad Hair Day by Aerle [2.9k, One Piece]
Ratings: General Audiences, No Archive Warnings Apply Relationship(s): Thatch/Izou Additional Tags: Hairdresser au Summary: When Thatch is about to close his hair salon early because of the heat, a last minute and rather desperate customer shows up. Notes: Absolutely adorable fic!! from a favor for a near-stranger to sweet small talk and conniving matchmaker friends... this one has so much packed into a cute little one shot. Absolutely recommend!!
go ahead and bite off more than you can chew by gendervapor ( @gendervapor14 ) [1.1k, One Piece]
Ratings: Teen And Up Audiences, No Archive Warnings Apply Relationship(s): Charlotte Katakuri/Donquixote Rosinante Additional Tags: Romance, first kiss, insecurity, domestic fluff, established relationshipSummary: "You—you hardly know what I am, what I look like. And you think I’m planning to wed you? I couldn’t." Notes: Sweetest thing on the planet written by the sweetest person on the planet (ya im a little biased. fite me). The delicious insecurity and subsequent reassurance all topped of with a first kiss!! this fic will forever have my heart and soul <3
OP Rare Pair Week Day 5 - Season by ArgelTal ( @chaoticargeltal ) [1.3k, One Piece]
Ratings: General Audiences, No Archive Warnings Apply Relationship(s): Akainu | Sakazuki/Ryokugyu | Aramaki Additional Tags: Admirals polycule, cute, fluff, domestic fluff, fluff and humor, one-sided crush, pre-relationship Summary: Day 5 of the One Piece Rare Pair Week, prompt: Season. Aramaki hates winter. The cold is terrible on his plant body and the sun is too weak. But then he finds a new sun in Sakazuki. Notes: Absolutely adorbsss I love the dynamic between all the admirals. I'm normally not a marines fan, but this fic could just about make me one XD
Those freckles are misleading by Lerya ( @lerya-fanfic ) [1.4k, One Piece]
Ratings: Mature, No Archive Warnings Apply Relationship(s): Marco/Ace Additional Tags: miscommunication, mutual pining, modern au Summary: Marco couldn't deal with this, he had only just started teaching history at Grand Line University, there was no way he was putting all of that on the line because he student was flirting with him. He's less than stellar sex life can't be the reason why he'd dare to do this. The 'student' in question is hot though, but still not worth his job. Notes: A lot of this fic was me just laughing at Marco, poor guy. Thank god Izou comes to the rescue—I'm pretty sure Marco wasn't gonna survive much longer. Ends with a sweet date and a night spent together!! Absolutely worth reading
challenge by starbitz ( @j1rouz ) [1.3k, One Piece]
Ratings: General Audiences, No Archive Warnings Apply Relationship(s): Zoro/Luffy Additional Tags: feelings realization, first kiss, roronoa zoro and vinsmoke sanji bickering, roronoa zoro-centric, slice of life, fluff, canon compliant Summary: "You don’t have a romantic bone in your big, dumb body,” Sanji quips, giving Zoro a hearty shove. Notes: One of my favorite zolu dynamics—captain and his first mate being silly and dumb together. This fic totally captures that in the best was possible <3 beginning to show up sanji and ending so sweetly
for what it's worth by de_winter [6.8k, One Piece]
Ratings: Teen and up audiences, no archive warnings apply Relationship(s): Thatch/Izou Additional Tags: modern au, getting together, friends to lovers, mutual pining, cabin fic, first kiss, Summary: A year since they’d seen each other in person, and Izou had once again forgotten how good Thatch looked. An impossible feat, now that he once again laid eyes on those shoulders. With each passing year, Thatch seemed to look better and better, and his sweaters seemed to be getting smaller and smaller at the same rate. Notes: One of my fav Thatch/Izou fics. the way theyre both so in love with each other... GOD its fucking delicious
Observe When I Am Dead by Augment [8.3k, One Piece]
Ratings: Mature, creator chose not to use archive warnings Relationship(s): Zoro/Luffy Additional Tags: angst, thriller bark fallout Summary: Kuma offers Zoro a slightly different deal. Notes: god the PAIN with this one. absolutely recommended read 10/10 zoro's devotion and silence—god it hurts and tastes so GOOD
pay you in love without returns by wishbone [3k, House M.D.]
Ratings: Teen and up audiences, no archive warnings apply Relationship(s): Greg House/James Wilson Additional Tags: gift giving, friends to lovers, lack of communication, joke proposal is treated seriously, marriage proposal, relationship advice, wedding rings, angst with a happy ending Summary: When Wilson tells House how much he spent on the Hammond organ he gifts him, House makes a mistake that will reveal their feelings for each other. Notes: Poor wilson—though to be fair, they're both idiots in this one, and i wouldn't have it any other way. if you want some feels and some happy endings with a dose of oh god that hurt you're dumbasses, this is the fic for you!
honest with you by astrange_one [8.8k, My Hero Academia]
Ratings: Teen and up audiences, Creator chose not to use archive warnings Relationship(s): Yamada Hizashi/Aizawa Shouta Additional Tags: fluff and angst, hurt/comfort, mutual pining Summary: Hizashi doesn't want to be a burden to anyone, but he forgets that things are different now compared to back when he was in foster care. Because if there's one thing he's perfected over the years, it's keeping his problems to himself. He's used to it, after all. It's just that Shota doesn't like it when he does that. Notes: this is angsty as HELL. Total Mic whump (yum) with a happy ending. delicious
Eye of the Beholder by Heronfem [6.8k, My Hero Academia]
Ratings: mature, no archive warnings apply Relationship(s): Sero Hanta/Todoroki Shouto Additional Tags: Falling in love, idiots in love, didn't know they were dating, oblivious, humor, romance, first kiss Summary: “I’m just saying,” Mina says, propping her chin in her hand and pouting, “it’s unfair. It’s totally unfair. We were all fools and our punishment is too extreme to be borne. The gods are making us pay.” Bakugou cracks an eye open from where he’s sprawled out with his head in Kirishima’s lap. It’s a nice day, closing in on the end of summer during their third year of school, and the heat is fully upon them. “What the fuck are you talking about?” “That,” she huffs, and points. “Oh,” Bakugou says wryly. “That.” --- Or, Sero gets hot over summer break and Todoroki gets his man (though not without a few bumps along the way) Notes: the obliviousness is STRONG with this one. Paired with Todoroki's not-quite-perfect understanding of social cues, this is *chefs kiss*
Shovel Talk by nirejseki [1.7k, The Flash]
Ratings: not rated, no archive warnings apply Relationship(s): Barry Allen/Leonard Snart Additional Tags: canon divergence Summary: Barry warned him that people might try to give Len the shovel talk, now that Barry had decided to bring his and Len's year-old relationship into the light. Len never said he was going to be nice about letting them. Notes: Len is a little shit and I love him for it. he also doesn't take shit from anyone. it's fantastic.
Everybody else is second best by barrylen [3.8k, The Flash]
Ratings: teen and up audiences, no archive warnings apply Relationship(s): Barry Allen/Leonard Snart Additional Tags: fix-it, light angst, fluff Summary: Barry couldn't stop sneaking glances at Leo and Ray. Leo had a plan, of course. Notes: I'm a sucker for fix-its. thats it. i cant stand the fact that they killed len off and every fix there is ill swallow it whole
Mr. Blue Sky by BeauregardsTaxicab ( @beauregardstaxicab ) [269k, The Flash]
Ratings: Teen and up audiences, no archive warnings apply Relationship(s): Barry Allen/Leonard Snart Additional Tags: canon divergence, humor, friendship, angst with a happy ending Summary: Shortly after Barry is struck by lightning, Iris discovers that not only does he have a secret boyfriend, but that boyfriend is Leonard Snart, a notorious thief. She learns to trust him, however, as they both begin looking into Dr. Wells for Barry's sake. Over the nine months that Barry's asleep, their team grows and they discover more frightening details about the man who was currently keeping Barry alive. Together, they have to figure out the whole truth and make a plan to keep Barry safe before Dr. Wells catches onto them, or there will be no stopping him... Notes: I read this entire thing in a week. maybe less. (and finished it this morning!!) i am INSANE over the coldflash dynamic in this one. It's so good, so sweet, they're so in love and i want to cry. the plot is FANTASTIC i was hanging on every word. I can't explain how much i loved this—every single twist, every single moment of agony and happiness, there was no tearing me away from this. It is worth every single one of the 21 chapters and the 268,722 words within them. 1000/10. im never recovering. i need to leave five hundred comments once i regain brain function
NSFW FICS
Mantra by goldsaffron [4.9k, One Piece]
Ratings: Explicit, Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings Relationship(s): Silvers Rayleigh/Gol D. Roger Additional Tags: observation haki, kenbunshoku, pre-canon, getting together, sharing a bed, strangers to lovers, domestic bliss Summary: Rayleigh and Roger meet, and Rayleigh promptly develops telepathy. At least, that's what it seems like, because Rayleigh swears he can sense Roger's emotions. Affection, jealousy, desire--but is Rayleigh just imagining it? There's no way Roger wants him like that... right? Alternatively, how Roger and Rayleigh discovered kenbunshoku haki and fell in love along the way Notes: the TENSION between these two. goldsaffron is one of my favorite Roger/Ray authors, and this one SHOWS IT. the build up and series of events to lead up to the final wall breaking down and both of them giving in... absolutely love this fic. i think ive read it like, three times in the past couple of days
you heat me like a filament by priestkink [6k, Spider-man: Spider-Verse]
Ratings: explicit, no archive warnings apply Relationship(s): Miguel O'Hara/Peter B. Parker Additional Tags: Body worship, body image, blow jobs, intercrural sex, fantasizing, established relationship Summary: Peter thinks Miguel is unfairly, distractingly hot. Miguel shows Peter that he is, too. Notes: Body appreciation but in the "I'm so obsessed with you how DARE you think you're anything but perfect and exactly what i want" my favorite vintage. regular revisit
shallow then halo by xarvel [1.9k, Spider-man: Spider-Verse]
Ratings: explicit, no archive warnings apply Relationship(s): Miguel O'Hara/Peter B. Parker Additional Tags: Trans Miguel O'Hara, Trans Peter Parker, established relationship, use of AFAB terms Summary: Peter trembles above him, both hands on Miguel’s chest as he moves, and if Miguel could drown in this, he would. “There you are,” he murmurs, and Peter huffs out a laugh, turning to kiss the inside of Miguel’s wrist. Notes: toe-curling smut with a smattering of sweet dirty talk. nothing better than fucking three orgasms out of yours boyfriend and then losing your own mind (with love)
just for show by arxaris ( @arxaris ) [1k, My Hero Academia]
Ratings: explicit, no archive warnings apply Relationship(s): Sero Hanta/Todoroki Shouto Additional Tags: PWP, fake/pretend relationship, getting together Summary: “Shouto,” he gasped, vaguely wondering when they had switched to using given names all the time, instead of just in public. “Wh-what are we - oh, fuck - what are we doing?” “Fucking,” Todoroki panted. “Specifically, I’m riding you.” Sero huffed a laugh that turned into a moan. “Not what I-I meant, baby,” he replied, and suddenly he was distracted again, trying and failing to remember when exactly pet names had been brought into private, too. Just like this, it had sort of just happened. Notes: TASTY AS HELL. i love seroroki pissing off endeavor, and I love them getting together over it even more
We Keep Rockin' by orphan_account [1.7k, The Flash]
Ratings: explicit, no archive warnings apply Relationship(s): Barry Allen/Leonard Snart Additional Tags: jealous len, possessive len Summary: They'd been in this situation before, Barry pressed against the nearest surface, Cold fucking into him with a rhythm that was anything but gentle. Yet despite the rough and hot and heavy movements of their typical exchanges, Barry couldn't help but feel like there was an underlying rage to Snart’s thrusts tonight. Notes: the possessiveness, the jealousy—perfect and delicious. I love this fic so much.
if you made it to here, thanks for sticking around!! go give love to all of these wonderful authors, and I will see you on the next fifteenth o7
#one piece#one piece fanfic#one piece fanfiction#one piece fanfic rec#house md#house md fanfic#spider man spider verse#ATSV fanfic#the flash#the flash cw#coldflash#the flash fanfic#the flash fanfic rec#izou/thatch#zoluzo#katacora#marace#erasermic#seroroki#spider dads#rogerray
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Ahhhhh Lester Billings fic was so gooodddd I loved ittttttt pls make a part two 🙏🙏🙏
45 Days of Waiting - Lester Billings/Reader
Warnings: Gender neutral reader, no use of Y/N, friends to roommates, accusations of cheating and abuse (both false of course), reader is still pining, Lester is still sad, happy ending.
Wordcount: 25210
Summary: You called in every favour you could to find someone to take his case so he could get his family back, but inviting him to stay with you was surely bound to have more consequences than even you could've expected as your friendship with him blossoms even more.
Notes: Ask and you shall receive hehe the idea of writing out the custody hearing was always in my mind when thinking of the sequel to this, but godDAMN did I not expect it to be so long. The hearing itself takes up a good chunk of this, but there's also a ton of other scenes as your friendship (and relationship? 😏) grows, so while this is the longest reader of mine to date somehow I promise it'll be a worthy read that'll lead into even more with him as I go through the final two requests for him in my queue 😊 And while there are OCs of mine in here as secondary characters again, I may've gone a bit overboard with my usual Matty cameo hehehe
I also looked up how long the original story was, and it was only 4808. I've written over 6x the amount of plot for this man than Stephen King himself, so I think it's now safe to say I now own him and this is now how his life turns out 👍 Hope everyone who might've looked forward to this enjoys it 💗💗💗
It was Thursday night again, your car pulling into the grocery store in town as it always did at around 5:15PM. It was the soonest you could get there after work, and you'd been working like crazy lately, your office phone ringing off the hook and calling just as much as you attempted to trade in every single favour you had stocked up. You were dead tired as you yanked a cart free and started on the list in your hand, the usual favourites now followed by a bunch of healthy foods as well as the odd treat. It was a long list, but money hadn't been an issue ever since you'd started your job at the firm, and now that Lester was working again he always made sure to pay you back since he was now spending his Thursdays, along with every other night, at the office for as long as he could get away with.
It'd been a couple weeks since you'd found him at Walkers, since he’d confessed to you that his wife was leaving him and taking his kids on the suspicion of cheating, and the thought of it still made your blood boil as you stared at the pasta sauces and grabbed your favourite, not hers. You placed two jars into your cart and moved on, each item crossed off your list until you reached the dessert counter at the end, the worker seeing you coming and already preparing two slices of Caramel Pecan for you and him to take home.
It was still a little strange to think about how he was coming home to you, just temporarily until he could finish securing a new place of his own that'd be suitable for his kids, something he hadn't dared to think about when he'd started his hunt, but to you all the same. He took up your entire couch to the point where you'd had to take pity on him after that first night, your bed offered to him when he'd woken up with his back irritated from being all bunched up. He didn't want it, he was already imposing on you during all of this, but one offered massage later had him feeling better and a little more ready to get a good night's sleep.
You'd checked on him that second night, his suitcases decorating your floor and the single picture he'd managed to grab decorating your nightstand where he could see it before he fell asleep, and you vowed again that this wouldn't stay his future as you'd spent the rest of the night looking up every big name in your work contact list.
You packed the groceries into your car and headed home, his receipt separate from yours so he could keep track of what he owed you as usual, and you planned on what to make for him by the time he got home later that night all the way back to your house. It was a long drive, so you had plenty of time to create a meal based on what you'd just bought, your fingers tapping the wheel as you wondered if he'd prefer the kale salad tonight or if he'd want to go with the stir fry instead.
It was almost unbelievable how fast your crush kept trying to come back now that you saw him every day, little reminders of why you'd properly fallen in the first place cropping up and trying to distract you from your cause, but each time you just swallowed them down; he needed a friend right now, the poor guy was about to lose his marriage for goodness sake, so any interference from you and your own needs would only make him feel worse.
You'd seen cases like this before, one wrong move and Rita would be able to use everything out of context and prove that he was unfaithful to the judge while she made her claim for full custody, and if you were the cause of her winning you'd never be able to forgive yourself.
You forced yourself to breathe as you pulled into the driveway, everything needing to be carried up the small steps to your front door as soon as it was opened, and just as you propped it open and got ready to bring everything in you ended up pausing at the smell of food. You stepped inside, sniffing curiously as you wondered if maybe one of you had forgotten to turn something off or throw something away that morning, and when you reached the kitchen you froze with a pounding heart when you saw Lester standing at the sink, currently peeling and slicing potatoes while a big pan of beef was browning on the stove.
‘You're h- back early,’ you pointed out as he transferred the potatoes to another pan, and he jumped only a little before chuckling and wiping off his hands.
‘Yeah, I'm going in again after dinner, I just wanted to thank you for all you've been doing for me lately,’ he explained almost nervously, like you wouldn't appreciate the gesture, and you forgot all about the food in your car and all the wide open doors you'd left behind as you rushed forward to give him a hug. You caught yourself before he could hug you back, your hands coming up to straighten your work casual clothes as you cleared your throat. You were very aware of how inappropriate that just was despite you being friends, but before you could apologize he pulled you right back into it. ‘What kind of thanks comes without a hug?’ he asked into your shoulder, and you held him tightly until a mix of the beef spitting grease everywhere and your front door slamming shut made you part.
‘Oh yeah, the groceries, I'll help you cook after I bring them all in,’ you offered as you headed back for the car, Lester shaking his head and mixing around the beef now that more of it was browned.
‘This is my thanks to you, I do know how to make a thing or two without needing a menu,’ he joked lively, his familiar smile back again, and you just smiled right back before rushing out to bring everything in.
You were at work that week when someone finally called you back, a woman from a neighbouring firm who you'd worked with a few times and was interested in his case. She was aware of his financial situation, how Rita had kept all the cards and how he was stuck to his brand new debit account that was only loaded with a few paychecks for the moment, and together you'd worked out that this would be pro bono for now; when he was given access back to his personal savings - which she was hoarding in order to pay the bills - then he would be able to pay her.
What he wouldn't know was that you'd also called in one of your favours so the bill for this would be lessened, just another kindness to him while he went through all of this. She was on the phone with you as you wrote all of this down into a personal report to give to her to help with the case, the receiver cradled between your jaw and shoulder before you remembered that speakerphone had been invented even on landlines.
‘He's staying with me for the time being, he has a few places we're gunna check out next week to see if they'd be a good fit for his kids to visit until he can start hunting for a house again,’ you told her as you set the phone down, your hands moving fast over the keyboard of your laptop in time with your voice. ‘They're all in town, so they won't have to be too far from their school and friends, that was something he forgot about when he first started looking, but it's all sorted and we just need to settle on a location and price.’
‘You keep saying, “we,” be sure not to do that during any meetings, not when his wife is already accusing him of being unfaithful,’ Gwen reminded you warily, and you mentally slapped your hand to your forehead as you kept on typing.
‘Shit, yeah, sorry, it's been harder not to lately since he keeps asking for my opinion,’ you groaned, all of your thoughts on all the things you'd been doing together overwriting the fact that he should be doing this on his own even without you acting as his lawyer, just his friend.
‘It's fine with us, I know you'd never put him in that position, but you never know who she might be hiring to falsify evidence in her favour when she's this convinced that it's true.’ She paused to take a drink of something so you paused in return to stretch your hands, your cell lighting up with a text from him asking if you want him to pick up anything on the way home since he knew you would also be late; home, he'd started calling it that even though you’d tried your damndest not to, and your crush whispered in your ear about how right it sounded as you quickly tapped out a reply and set the device back down again.
‘We don't spend any time together outside of the house, and we leave at different times so unless she has someone actually following us, which I will report, there's nothing going on here other than me helping out a friend,’ you told her as you got back to your report, and you heard her click her tongue a couple times before adjusting how she held her own phone.
‘Still, be careful during this, you may not be representing him due to your closeness to this case, but you became a liability to him the moment you opened your door to him under this suspicion. Keep it platonic, keep it distant, don't add fuel to the fire, and we can meet sometime next week to go over the rest of the details, okay? Just text me your address and I'll be there, the less he's seen in public with anyone the better so long as we don't know who she thinks the cheating is with.’ You nodded guiltily even though she couldn't see, your hands stopping their typing as you touched your cheek again even though the sting was long gone.
You didn't know if it'd really be brought up during the hearing, but you didn't want to have to tell him that the accused was actually you, your appearance in his life only making everything go to hell in such a short time. You knew deep down that it wasn't actually your fault, you'd never made a single move on him and she was only lashing out in jealousy over something that didn't exist, but you knew that custody tended to favour the mothers and if there was a single shred of doubt that she could twist into him looking like a bad father then you would play the part of friend until even you believed it.
The call ended and you texted her your address along with a good time when the neighbours were usually out, it'd be easy to leave work for this at least on your part, Lester's boss giving him a little more leniency than usual while this was sorted so far so hopefully it wouldn't be an issue for him either. You saved your report and shut your laptop for the night, you had no more energy to do this and you needed to eat, your earlier denial of takeout being redacted as you texted him your favourites from the place he had to now pass by to get to you.
The meeting couldn't come sooner, Lester on constant edge as he paced around your room the night before. You could hear exactly where he was as you tried to sleep on the couch in the next room, each creak in the wood giving away his position until finally it stopped. You sighed, it'd been hours and it had honestly been keeping you awake, but not because of the noise; you were just as nervous as he was, the two of you up late before this deep cleaning your entire one-story house just to be sure you were ready to start this battle, and you were until you'd heard him get out of bed and start pacing.
Now your room was quiet again, and you waited for the sound of snoring when you heard your door creak open next instead. ‘Hey, I can't sleep,’ came his small voice from the doorway, and you couldn't even pretend to be asleep when he could clearly see your face looking his way from there.
‘Me either,’ you admitted as you pushed yourself onto your elbows, Lester brushing his messy bangs out of his eyes, and you could see how tired they were even from there. ‘Want me to put on some coffee? We can watch something until we fall asleep.’
‘No, but… it's silly, nevermind.’ He went to shut the door, your body sitting up even more as you pushed aside your blanket.
‘Wait, you can tell me, I'm worried about tomorrow, too,’ you confided in him before the door could shut, and he let out his own sigh as he opened it back up again.
‘I've been lying next to someone for over 20 years, and lately I've been too… too sad or too tired to notice but… I can't ignore it tonight, not now that I know this is happening starting tomorrow.’ Your mouth went dry as you understood his pacing, and you moved on instinct before you could stop yourself. ‘You don't have to, I just- don't want to be alone, tonight,’ he mumbled, this new and sad version of him cropping up again as the thoughts of sleeping without his longtime girlfriend and then wife and mother of his children clearly plagued him.
‘What're friends for?’ you could only say as you joined him in your room, an unspoken tension filling the air as he still tried to backtrack.
‘I'm not asking for… uh, sexual favours, or anything,’ he mumbled nervously, and you quickly raised your hands and took a step back as you prayed the darkness of the night was hiding your blush.
‘I didn't come in here expecting you to!’ you clarified just as nervously in way too loud a voice for that late at night, and he smiled in relief as his shoulders relaxed.
‘Okay, thank you, it's just that the thought of sleeping alone- for the longest time I'd forgotten how that felt, and like I said I've been too distracted to think about it until now, but if you'd rather not I can try,’ he insisted as to not pressure you, and you had to silence your crush with something louder as you took his hand and led him towards the bed.
‘You don't need to explain yourself to me, you're going through something I can't even imagine, if this'll help you then I want to help,’ you told him honestly, and he pushed aside his fear as he got back into bed. You made sure the blinds were all closed just in case, your talk with Gwen making you a bit paranoid as the room got even darker, and when you were done you made sure your pajamas were a little less loose before climbing in after him.
You laid arm to arm with a generous amount of space between you, your entire body stiff as you felt him tense as well; neither of you were going to be able to fall asleep at this rate, so you quickly let out a breath and rolled onto your side. You faced him, both physically and metaphorically, in order to let him turn his back to you, maybe your arm around him would be more appreciated than him thinking he could hold you and pretend, but to your surprise he faced you as well, maybe stuck in the same train of thought of what he wanted.
‘What do we do now?’ he asked you softly, your hands gripping the sheets as your eyes quickly looked away from his lips.
‘I dunno, how did you usually sleep?’ you asked back, and he gave a slight shrug as he also looked away from you.
‘She didn't like it much towards the end, but… I usually held Rita until I was able to fall asleep, something about the dark has always made it harder for me, I think I might’ve passed that on to Annie…’ He fell silent again upon thinking of his daughter, still at home and waiting for her dad to come tuck her in and kiss her goodnight, and when you both sniffed at the same time you couldn't stop yourself; you leaned forward in the dim light, your hand finding his cheek and leading the way towards him, and even though his breath hitched and he didn't close his eyes, he also didn't pull away as you pressed a kiss to his lips.
You pulled back almost immediately, reality catching up to you the moment he angled his head just enough to kiss you back, and you sat right up and started apologizing before his gentle hand found yours.
‘I still love my wife, even though she's doing this,’ was all he told you, the kindness and understanding you'd come to love showing up when you wanted it the least, and you tore your hand free to wipe at your cheek.
‘I know, I don't know why I did that, that's not why I came in here,’ you said as fast as you could, your mind racing as you felt the embarrassment and shame from the kiss beat you down until you were starting to panic; you knew he didn't need this right now, any feelings you still had for him very unappreciated when he still loved his wife and was trying his hardest to get his family back. Your feelings for him coming out now would only ruin everything, you didn't belong in that part of his life, and if you'd just walked away that day at the party then maybe this never would've even happened. ‘I'm sorry, I'm ruining everything, I never meant to-’
‘Come here, it's okay,’ he shushed you, his voice too soft and too kind as he pulled you back down to the bed. He turned you until your back was to his chest, and you tried to still your sobs even more now that he could feel this with his entire body as he wrapped his arm around your waist. ‘I know I'm being selfish here, I never should've asked this much from you, but I can't return your kindness like this, not when I don't feel the same,’ he murmured into your shoulder, and you tried to hide the way your body instinctively curled up at his words.
‘I never wanted you to,’ you replied into your pillow, and you felt him hold you a little tighter until the sound of gentle snoring reached your ear; just laying like this had put him to sleep, the comfort of being able to hold someone again lulling away the stress of it all until he was able to rest. You held him just a moment before letting go, your hands clenched into your pillow as you stared at the faint moonlight coming through your blinds. ‘I'm sorry, I should've just walked away, I never meant to do this to you,’ you told him properly, but he didn't hear any of it, and you knew it as you kept apologizing until you also fell asleep in his arms.
Despite being up late, the two of you were awake as soon as the sunlight filled the room, the few hours you were able to get seemingly enough for him as he looked a little less tired. You slept a little longer than him, just enough to slip free and grab some clothes so you could shower fast and make sure everything was ready for Gwen's arrival a good 8 hours later. You were in the middle of rinsing your hair when you heard him moving around outside the door, the sound of him rummaging through his suitcases making you frown as the water ran over your face.
This was temporary, he was here to save himself some much needed money from hotels while he looked for a new home, you didn't belong in that part of his life. You repeated that to yourself as you finished up, the bathroom free for him as you opened the door with your brush still in hand. He froze as he went to pass, your hand stilling as you tamed your drying hair, an awkwardness settling over you that made you wish he'd find his own place even sooner.
‘I'm sorry, about last night,’ he mumbled as he held his clothes for the day, this surprising you as you set your brush down. ‘I shouldn't have asked that of you, I didn't know you had…’
‘I don't,’ you were quick to lie, needing to console him more than let your feelings be known right now, ‘I don't know why I… did what I did last night, that wasn't fair to you.’
He looked away but not in his own embarrassment, even though he'd kissed you back despite saying he didn't feel the same. ‘It was a vulnerable moment, we can act irrationally in times like that,’ he began, his hands worrying around his clothes as he fussed with them, ‘I know this, because when Rita told me she wanted the divorce, I found myself getting angry at her, for the first time since we got together.’ You turned to face him entirely, your focus only on him as he all but collapsed against the doorframe. ‘We've had arguments before, it's not like I've never been mad at her in all our years of knowing each other, all couples fight, but when she said those words to me- I don't know, at the time I could only feel anger, betrayal, confusion, and-’
He stopped, you'd talked about how he'd felt after he moved in since he couldn't afford to see a therapist, but this was new as you waited patiently for him to trust you with the rest.
‘I lashed out, then. I didn't hit her, I never could, but I made her feel unsafe around me when I tried to get her to tell me why she was doing this. That's why she's claiming full custody, not because she thinks I was cheating.’ You didn't realize you were holding your breath until your chest started to ache for a different reason, and when you approached him he allowed you to lead him back to the bed so he could sit down.
His eyes were sad again, sadder than you'd ever seen them, and you knew that he'd been carrying this secret the entire time you'd been trying to help him.
‘I needed to tell you before it came out any other way, you deserve to know that much after everything you're doing for me, and that's why I don't blame you or hate you for that kiss, it wasn't like I didn't enjoy just a bit of positive affection, after everything that's been going on…’
‘Lester, I… thank you, for telling me this. You need to tell Gwen when she comes over, Rita is sure to use this and we need to prove to them that this was a one time thing, that you would never hurt your family,’ you told him seriously, your hands grasping his arm as he stared at the floor in shame of his actions no matter how they'd turned out. He nodded but didn't look hopeful, and you knew you shouldn't but still you wrapped your arms around him, let him know you were there and on his side; he eased into you, a long sigh of relief leaving him as you pulled him even closer to you, your hands locking over his arm when you felt him tremble.
‘It's my own fault, I caused this…’ You held him tighter, your face burying into his shoulder as he covered his own with his hand. ‘Maybe if I'd paid better attention to her, listened to her concerns, been a better husband-’
‘You did everything you could, I've never known you to be anything but that,’ you insisted as he shook his head, not wanting to hear it.
‘It wasn't good enough.’
You fell back onto the mattress, dragging him with you until he lost his balance, and as soon as he was laying down you let go of his arms to instead sit up and cup his cheeks so he'd look at you. ‘Stop it. I've been doing this a long time, Lester. I've seen truly bad people do even worse things, and I've seen colleagues I trusted represent these people in order to make them look like saints. I've seen bad, I've seen terrible, neglect, abuse, evil. And you're none of these things,’ you insisted, and when he was unable to look away he just laid there and listened as the tears rolled down his cheeks. ‘You're a wonderful father, and even if you made a mistake in a moment of great distress, that doesn't make you a monster.
‘The monsters are out there, waiting to strike when you're most vulnerable, and they'll take and devour until good people like you are gone. And I won't let that happen to you or your kids, do you hear me?’ He met your eye when your hands started to shake, not with sadness but determination at your words, you were going to help him, he was going to get his kids back, and you'd fight off any monster it took to get to that point.
‘Why're you doing this for me?’ he suddenly asked as he fell completely still, and your hands left him as you sat back and just stared at him. ‘I know I've been staying here, but we still barely know each other, not enough for you to do this much.’
Because I love you.
‘Because I'm your friend, or, I thought I was, if you think that we're not close enough for this.’ You couldn't pretend it didn't hurt, your face betraying how hard you were trying to keep it together, and when he took your hands and brought you down you fell just as easily as he did.
‘You are, and you've been there for me when none of the others have,’ he whispered into your hair, your chest aching as you remembered just how many people had been at his parties. ‘Once it got out that I punched that wall they all sided with her, if it wasn't for you I'd be alone.’
‘It's not fair.’
‘...I'm sorry to put all this on you.’
‘No, it's not fair that she's taking everything from you. I wish I had contacted Gwen first, I wish I could be the one to do this for you, you don't know- fuck, I don't understand it,’ you moaned as you rested your cheek on his chest, the two of you just holding each other as the sun rose even higher in the sky and officially started the day. ‘We'll tell her everything, she's good, I've seen her help so many good people who didn't stand a chance otherwise, and I know you do despite how this all looks; we’ll convince them all it's not true, I won't stop until we do.’
‘You're a good friend, I wish I'd met you sooner,’ he said softly, and you could hear his smile as your hands clung to his shirt this time.
‘Yeah, I do too.’
You both laid there until you fell asleep again, he really needed the comfort of another person there in order to really relax, and you both felt better as you woke up a second time a few hours later. Your entire home felt less tense, and there was no running around as you made some brunch and went over what you were going to say. Thanks to your report she already knew a lot of what'd happened from your perspective, but getting to meet with him would be what he needed now that he was ready to talk about everything and not just what you thought you knew.
When she finally arrived it felt like there was some real hope for him, everything coming out about that night as you all sat down in your living room and spread out the pages on your coffee table. He told you how she'd approached him before bed just after he'd tucked in Annie and Shaun, how she demanded he tell her the truth about who he was seeing, and when he couldn't answer how she'd then accused him of cheating in plain sight. Your heart ached and your hands gripped your couch so hard that they cramped as you listened, Lester going into full detail about how she'd then refused to say who she thought he was seeing, which you knew, but also slapped him when he tried to tell her the truth.
You saw red at that, Gwen stopping the conversation like she'd just realized you'd been there the whole time. ‘Maybe it'd be better if you went for a drive while I talk to him, without representing him there isn't much you can do here,’ she suggested carefully, Lester already starting to shut down as he touched the same cheek as your own slap.
‘No, I want to be here for him, everyone else left and I refuse to do the same, I have no one to break confidentiality with,’ you insisted as you sat up straighter, and when Lester gave a small nod to confirm that he'd prefer your presence there Gwen could only agree and let him finish.
‘Well, after she hit me we ended up arguing loud enough to wake Deni, whose room is closest to ours. She made sure to keep Shaun away when we got louder, she's too responsible for her age, it's because of her that I was able to snap out of it,’ he continued as he fiddled with the pencil he'd used to fill out the forms she'd brought. ‘But first, when Rita was yelling at me, tried to make me believe that I was lying to her and that I was just trying to keep seeing this lover she was convinced I had, when I was starting to get frustrated and couldn't get a word in, that's when she asked for the divorce, or demanded it, really, there was no asking.
‘She was sick of me bringing this lover around to flaunt in front of her, started listing off all these times where I’d invited friends over for stuff like parties and movie nights, but it was always with people she knew, I still don’t- anyway, I think I might’ve blacked out after that, because the next thing I knew I was yelling at her, and when I looked down my knuckles were scratched up and there was an indent in our wall.’ He swallowed heavily, Gwen writing everything down as she stared up at him with a level expression.
‘Did you hit her at any point?’ she asked not to accuse or insinuate, but still you frowned at her as he shut his eyes and tried to concentrate.
‘No, I hit the wall but that was it, I didn’t even grab her when she backed away,’ he confessed, and you hated the woman even more as the tears started to fall again. ‘She told me she wanted full custody right before Deni rushed in to make sure everything was okay, and I didn’t argue with her again about it for the rest of the night.’
‘You slept on the couch?’
‘Deni’s room, she has one of those bunkbeds with the folding couch as the bottom bunk, since her friends are always staying the night; I slept on that since she didn’t want me to be alone, I swear she’s too mature…’ He smiled fondly but sadly as he cleaned himself up, he really missed her and her siblings, and you exchanged a look with Gwen as she finished writing. ‘The next morning she had a bag already packed for me, we were supposed to go on vacation so it was at the end of the bed, said she wanted me out because she was done listening to my lies, and I’ve only been back once since then to properly pack when the kids were out of the house so they wouldn’t have to see us fight again.’
‘And did you fight, that second time?’
‘No, I just packed up a few suitcases and left while she kept watch, made sure I didn’t take anything, it’s only while she was heading for the door that I was able to grab a picture of our kids from the TV stand.’ He let out a breath, he felt better getting it all out to someone who was going to help him, like a sinner confessing to a priest, and you reached over and gave his hand a reassuring pat as Gwen hummed to herself and put her notebook down.
‘Do you think you’d be able to remember exactly who was at these events she listed? If we can make a comprehensible list of everyone there we might be able to guess who she thinks this lover is, get them to stand with us and tell the judge that this is all a big understanding, although I do think a divorce might be beneficial for everyone after the amount of distrust and toxicity that arose between you,’ she said honestly, and instantly he straightened up, his hands grasping the table as he nearly fell to his knees.
‘But my kids-’
‘We’ll still fight for custody, at best it’ll be shared, but that’ll be better than letting her get full, don’t you agree?’ He nodded, even though he didn’t like the sound of not being able to see them everyday he still nodded all the same, and you reached for him again when Gwen interrupted by handing him her notebook, a new page waiting for him. ‘Try and remember as many names as you can, from as many of her events as well, everything helps right now,’ she told him as he took it, and he nodded again before concentrating on all the friends he tended to invite to his many parties; you didn’t realize how much you missed them until that moment, missed how in his element he was as he helped grill, set up the projector, toweled off his kids until they were embarrassed and had to fix their hair in front of their laughing friends.
The man before you was so different than him, all hunched shoulders and sad eyes, and with each name that he added to the list you knew that it was your fault he looked like this, everything all because of you and the reason why he wasn't at home right now throwing another party and jumping into the pool with a full stomach and reckless abandon. You wanted to tell him sorry again, your hands clasped in your lap as he finished up the list and handed it back over, Gwen’s eyes trailing over it for any names that stood out repeatedly when her frown of concentration turned to one of concern instead.
‘This is very helpful, thank you, I’ll start contacting them this week if you can give me their numbers next, and would you be able to help me grab something from the car real quick?’ The second part was directed at you, and your own frown turned to one of matching concern as he began going through his phone to write down as many numbers as he could before your return. You followed her outside, her car parked behind yours since his was hidden in your garage, but she didn’t go to it as soon as she shut the door behind herself. ‘It’s you, isn’t it?’
‘What?’
‘Please don’t play dumb with me right now, your name was listed under every single event right down to the movie night with one other couple, you’re the one Rita thinks he’s cheating on her with, aren’t you?’ Her gaze was serious and almost angry as she spoke, no more neutral calmness as she stared you down, and you tried to say no before it all spilled out all at once.
‘Don’t tell him, please-’
‘Jesus!’
‘We never did anything, he only ever invited me over with everyone else, there really was nothing going on,’ you insisted desperately, Gwen rubbing her eyes as she backed away from you.
‘You’ve just made this so much harder to prove, he’s been staying at your fucking house for weeks,’ she groaned into her palm, her eyes on the door like she could see him still seated at the couch on the other side of the wood. ‘What did you do to give her the impression that he was seeing you, because clearly he has no idea it’s you.’
‘Nothing-! I really did nothing, I just showed up a few times, it wasn't even that many, I would never pursue a married man.’ You needed her to believe you, she was his only shot and even though you only just barely knew each other you knew that if she bailed then that was it, no one else would help him. ‘I swear to you, my intentions have only been innocent since the start, he doesn’t even know I-’
‘You have feelings for him, sonofabitch if that gets out her lawyer will use that to high heaven, everything you’ve done will be twisted into something selfish, you letting him stay here could end up being his downfall, how could you do something so stupid?’
You bit your lip as you rested against the wall of the entryway, the bricks cold against your back as you fought not to shake. ‘I know it was stupid, but he’d just lost everything, I didn’t want him to keep shelling out money for that hotel while he tried to save up for a house, I thought this was the only way to help him…’
‘We’re going to find him a place today, and he’s going to stay in a hotel until this hearing is over and he can move in.’
‘What, no, he can’t afford it!’
‘And you can’t afford to have Rita find out he’s been here. Fuel to the fire, you know how we work, you know whoever she’s hired will take one look at this situation and use it as proof that you wanted him to yourself, no wife, no kids, just a man who was more than willing to leave his family behind the moment you asked.’ She sighed deeply as you crumbled to the steps, your leg spreading over the small two leading to your sidewalk as you ran your hands through your hair. ‘I know you had good intentions, but this has gotten way out of hand, and if you really want to help him then you’ll keep your distance until this is over. Whether he really is just a friend or if you’re in love with him, you know there’s a good chance you might have to stand up there in front of everyone and explain all of this if her lawyer demands to call on you as proof, and the more deniability you both have to her claims the better, alright?’
‘Alright,’ you repeated, and she left you a moment to grab a box of something from her car to make it seem like you weren’t out there to talk. You stood as she returned, getting the door for her since her hands were now full, and he was none the wiser as you sat again and started going over all the listings he’d bookmarked since he’d been kicked out.
Gwen ended up staying for much longer than expected as you went on a tour of his listings, his insistence that you come along the only reason you weren’t secretly forced to stay home. He’d found both a mix of decently large apartments and smaller houses, nothing near as grand as his old one, but each was affordable, cozy, and in range of both his kids’ school and his work. In the end he was able to make a successful offer on a one-story house similar to yours, and the price was lower due to it needing a bit of work, but it had three bedrooms, two for Deni and Shaun while Annie would sleep in his, a yard big enough to house a pool that just needed to be cleaned and refilled, and a living room big enough for everyone to have more fun movie nights.
It was a dream home, but the work had daunted all the other potential buyers, and he was more than ready to take on the challenge and fix it up himself if need be to distract himself from the upcoming hearing. You wished you could help him with it, but between work and needing to stay as far away from that home as possible you could only cheer him on from afar as he signed the paperwork that day and worked out a payment plan now that Gwen was there to represent him.
‘This is amazing, Deni will want this room because I know Shaun will have claimed this one, the kitchen needs some work but a new stove and some fresh paint will open the space right up, and this living room! If we keep the couches against the wall then everyone will be able to spread out again, maybe I’ll be able to get that sectional I wanted this time, that way there’ll be room for everyone without the need of a loveseat, but of course I need to fix that wall first; good thing this place is so small, I might be able to knock it out in a weekend- hey, you alright?’ You were snapped out of your thoughts as he leaned down a bit to look you in the eye, his ramblings about his new place coming to a halt when he noticed your expression. ‘You’ve been staring at the closet for about five minutes, I’m pretty sure there’s no monsters in it.’
You weakly laughed, stuck between being happy to see this side of him again and knowing that you wouldn’t be able to help with a single thing, it would just be him here, alone. ‘I’m alright, just thinking, I guess,’ you admitted as Gwen talked to the realtor in the kitchen, a space cleared off for more papers to be signed as they discussed ownership and payment. ‘Things are gunna be busy for me, for a while. Once the power and water get turned back on and you can move in I don’t think we’ll be able to see each other for a while.’
‘That’s okay, we can always see each other on Thursdays,’ he joked, but that only made this sting all the more as the darkness in the closet grew. ‘I really am thankful for all your help so far, but I’ll be alright while I do this; if fixing up an entire house will prove to them that I’m serious about wanting to see my kids more than a few times a year then I’ll do it, I used to be a bit of a handyman before I got my big, important office job, y’know.’ You laughed again, you didn’t doubt it after his emergency help when he backed up your sink and then had to fix it before the water spread to the living room.
‘I just wish I could help you, chores are always better with company, remember?’ you reminded him as you met his eye, and when he smiled and pulled you into a hug you felt Gwen’s eyes on you as you held him back.
‘I know, but if you’ve gotta work it can’t be helped, I can man a broom and mop on my own, just need to get a radio in here and maybe it’ll feel a little more lively.’
‘You can get spotify on your phone, then you won’t need to get a radio,’ you suggested, and when he pulled away he looked confused.
‘What’s that? I’ve heard Deni mention it before but I never figured it out, R- her mother was always better with technology,’ he frowned in confusion, and you laughed again before pulling out your phone and getting him to do the same.
Gwen dropped you both off less than an hour later, someone coming to the house within the week to get the power back on after the last storm knocked it out, and with no one living there no one had bothered to get it fixed again. The water had also been turned off as well as the heat just to save money, and as soon as it all was in working order again he was free to sweep out the master bedroom and move right in, the rest was up to him. You hadn’t been able to resist his request to go shopping with him for a new bed, he was always bad with those kinds of things and ended up regretting his choice as soon as he got home, so a second opinion was very much needed despite Gwen silently warning you not to.
‘I’d love to, the sooner that’s sorted the sooner you don’t have to sleep on the floor,’ you agreed, and you silently apologized to her as she let out a sigh. ‘You’re on your own with everything else though, and you’re not stealing my broom to clean up that mess, I’d much rather throw it out than let it back into my house.’
‘I’ll get two, one to keep and one to throw,’ he decided from the backseat, his phone out again as he started adding things to his cart despite not even being moved yet; he was ready to have the place livable so his kids could visit even before the hearing, and you didn’t have the heart to tell him it’d still have to be a while if Rita denied him visitation. It'd been so long already since you'd seen him so energetic, and it made you smile even though he'd have to do this next part alone; it'd be hard but he'd lived through that first month on his own, so he'd be able to do it again in his own space if he had the hope that it'd be full again urging him on, you knew he could.
You both waved goodbye as she drove away, and you couldn't help but join in his celebration as he ran out to grab dinner from his favourite place as well as some alcohol, neither of you had drank since he moved in after he hit the bottle too hard in that lonely hotel room. You had your own personal movie night as you finally got to show him the one you brought but had never gotten to watch, and sure enough he wasn't a fan of horror as he cowered almost dramatically on his end of the couch while you laughed and told him to watch the part coming up, it would be good, you promised.
You didn't get to bed until late again, you couldn't exactly sleep when he was sitting where your feet should be, but you knew you wouldn't be getting comfortable once the TV turned off and he shot you another nervous glance. He didn't even have to say it, he needed someone there more than ever with his upcoming lonely nights waiting for him, and this time you didn't kiss him as you both got into bed and fell asleep easier than you ever had before.
The house was ready for him sooner rather than later, the text that he was good to go actually arriving as you were out shopping for a bed. He was indecisive as hell, trying out every mattress to make sure it was good for his back, and even when he found one that was comfortable he tended to pass on it just in case something even better was on display. He was laying down on what felt like his millionth mattress when he got the text, his eyes opening wide as he sat up only to flinch as his back did indeed twinge.
‘The water’s on, why don't we go over now, start cleaning up?’ he suggested excitedly, and your smile fell as you thought about how you shouldn't even be doing this much.
‘I don't know, shouldn’t we stay and get a bed if you can move in asap?’ you tried to defer, and he gave the one he was on a little bounce before getting up.
‘I'll take this one, it can stay on the floor until I get a frame, let's hurry up and go!’ While you were glad to have this nightmare end, it only caused the second one to start as he flagged down an employee and got the price, a frame ending up catching his eye on the way now that his big dilemma was solved. He bought both and together with two employees you stuffed it all into his car, the mattress thankfully crammed into a box to his amazement and saving him a ton of space.
He also bought all the things he'd need to clean, his new broom and mop laying across the seat with a bag full of supplies and towels. You pretended to not feel the entire weight of them on your shoulders all the way to his new home, the spare keys already picked up from under the rock by the door and in his pocket before you could exit the car.
He threw open the door and rushed back to get the broom, you in charge of the mop by default as he began to sweep with all the enthusiasm of a cartoon princess, and it only made you fall harder until his actions caught up with him and he needed to sweep himself a small circle so he could sit down. You shook your head and took over for him, all the windows thrown up and the patio door open wide to air the place out until he was ready to help again, Lester now confined to cleaning off the counters while you handled the floor. The playlist you’d made on your phone followed you around as you did each room, his own playing even more favourites in the kitchen and then bathroom as he worked, his fight with spotify now rectified and used in his favour, music already filling the home as you tossed out bag after bag of garbage until it was time to mop.
He had the bucket already full for you when you went for it, the counters all cleaned and the bath/shower combo getting the attention it very much deserved next. It was a lot faster to wash the floors, and even though you knew they'd only get dirty again as the walls were patched up and painted eventually, it was still nice to stand in the living room and take everything in when you both were done. You dumped the dirty water down the drain and carried the bags to the road to be collected, Lester's single one joining yours when he was done scrubbing, and together you sat on the floor and decided if it'd be cheaper to patch everything up yourselves or hire someone to do it before he started moving his stuff in.
In the end he called someone out on the patio while you looked up weed wackers on your phone, the yard needing just as much attention; the pool would come last, it was already heading into fall after all so it'd just be covered up again before long, but it could at least be inspected and cleaned for next year once everything else was done. You ordered one for him so you could both fight over it versus the lawnmower when you found a way to bring it over, that was another expense that could wait til later, and you didn't realize you were smiling again until he walked back in and collapsed much too hard next to you.
‘He can come tomorrow, someone canceled on him today so we lucked out,’ he informed you as he rubbed his sore butt from the fall, and you almost didn't catch it until your brain replayed what he'd said.
‘You lucked out, you mean,’ you corrected, and he winced at you as he stretched his long legs out in front of him
‘What?’
‘You said we lucked out, but you did, I'm not the one who lives here,’ you repeated, and he laughed a little as he brushed his bangs out of his eyes, his forehead shining from the sweat he'd been working up the past few hours.
‘Oh yeah, I think I forgot that part,’ he chuckled softly, and the air changed a little as your forced humour turned to something just as soft. ‘You've been doing so much, I think I forgot… that you're not coming with me, when this is over, it just feels like you've always been here already.’ You couldn't speak, your heart pounding as he interpreted your expression as something negative. ‘Sorry, didn't mean to put you on the spot like that again-!’
‘No, you didn't, it’s just that… I just realized that I think I started moving in my stuff in my mind as I was cleaning,’ you admitted nervously, and he laughed a little more easily again as the summer breeze drifted in and filled the house with the smells of barbecues and fresh cut grass. ‘I mean, I don't need two couches all that much, you know I'm too busy to host movie nights, so if you wanted one you could have it…’
‘You sure? I really was looking forward to that sectional,’ he joked with a soft jab to your arm, which you returned with a blush.
‘I can always take it back when you find your dream couch, it'd give me an excuse to see how the place turned out.’
‘You won't visit before then?’
You found yourself lost for words, of course you'd visit when this was over and cleared up, but it was the way he'd said it, like he was worried it'd take a couch in order to get you back there. ‘Of course, you think I'm gunna miss out on your first movie night in your new place?’ you said as your voice clearly shook, but he didn't mention it as he laid back and stretched out his back over the hardwood.
‘Good, I'll make extra dip that night so you can bring some home, as thanks,’ he already planned ahead, his eyes closed and unable to see the way you let your face crumble at the thought of having to leave again after all of this.
‘Well if that doesn't give me more incentive to lend it to you.’ You stood up, brushing off your pants and cracking your back before offering your hand to him. ‘Alright, that's enough sitting around, might as well get that frame built before it gets too late.’
‘Empty house with just a bed, someone might think I'm squatting,’ he snickered as you helped him stand, and when his torso hit your chest you didn't back away immediately.
‘Nonsense, there's some towels in the bathroom too,’ you said with a wink as you headed for the car, the two of you managing to haul the frame in yourself thanks to some determination and spare cardboard underneath the end dragging on the ground so his floors wouldn't get scratched.
You didn't get home until late, even more takeout bought just because you were too tired and achy to stand around and cook, absolutely not. He wasn't that happy about all the unhealthy eating he'd been doing lately so he ended up ordering a small vegetarian pizza while you secretly planned ahead and ordered a large deluxe with some chicken wings, his favourite sauce also picked out when he wasn't looking. The smell filled the car all the way home, and sure enough he didn't last long with the vegetarian when he caught sight of the deluxe taking up half the coffee table.
‘You're terrible, you know I'm trying to eat better,’ he grumbled as he reached for a slice, and you swatted at his hand before grabbing a second for yourself.
‘This is my dinner for the next three days, if you wanted this you should've asked for one,’ you said nonchalantly as you took a big, dramatic bite, Lester eyeing it before you could only take pity on him and move the box a little closer. He split his pizza with you as he picked off the toppings he didn't like to create the perfect combo of both, and you pretended you absolutely didn't grab his favorite sauce on purpose when he also gave in and stole some wings.
You could get used to this, you really could as he moved to your couch to be closer to the pizza; he was closer to you than usual, even more than normal couch sharing standards, and you tried to keep your eyes on the screen as you reached for another slice. Your hand hit his as he grabbed another wing, both foods dropped as you apologized and looked at each other, but when his gaze lingered longer than usual, just like the closing space between you, you found yourself doing anything but looking away from his mouth. He was smiling at you, that kind, gentle smile you'd fallen in love with at Walkers all those months ago, and even though you knew he didn't need this, knew that this would only make things worse, you couldn't stop yourself when he closed his eyes and waited.
You jumped when your phone suddenly buzzed, Lester sitting back and putting some space between you again when you saw that it was Gwen on the caller ID. ‘I'm sorry, I gotta take this,’ you mumbled as he cleared his throat and went back to eating, your face hot and your frown deep as you locked yourself in your bedroom. ‘Hey, sorry, we're watching a movie,’ you said the moment she picked up, but she didn't seem to catch your tone when the sound of shuffling came through the speaker.
‘That's fine, how's the house coming?’
‘It's all ready for him, w- he got it cleaned up today.’
‘...Were you there with him?’ She asked like she already knew, and you couldn't lie to her when the stakes were so high.
‘We were already in town to shop for a bed, we decided to go after he found one, get started on the cleanup right away,’ you explained, and her sigh was all the answer you needed. ‘I know, but you saw the place, it would've taken him forever to-’
‘That's not your concern, not right now. When is he moving in?’ she interrupted, and you looked at the closed door as the movie continued on the other side.
‘Soon, the fridge is busted and he needs a dresser along with food, we can d-’
‘He can do that, no more shopping together, no getting groceries together, tell him no the next time he asks. Now that we know it's you who's to say someone won't be able to stand up there and say they saw you arrive and leave together, while acting like a couple the entire time upon further reflection? You're smart, please don't make another stupid mistake like this again, for his sake.’ She fell silent as she let the words sink in, and you looked at his suitcases, left open while his clothes were stacked on your dresser to be a little neater, how he'd need to pack them up again within the week at this rate.
‘I won't, I'll tell him I have a case coming up so I'll be scarce, he'll be able to do the rest over the weekend,’ you decided solemnly, and she agreed with that before changing the subject.
‘I've been told that the hearing has been scheduled for two weeks from now, when the children are back in school, Rita apparently requested that they not be present, and yes, before you say anything, it'll probably be because they'll not only vouch for him, but also because they don't need to see their parents arguing to that degree,’ she sighed heavily, and you quickly entered the date into your phone before you realized that you would only be there as a witness, you had two weeks to tell him the truth before he found it out from her unless you preferred to lie to his face some more about your feelings.
‘I'll let him know, and he'll be moved by next week, he'll want to be at the thought of them visiting.’ She liked the sound of that and hung up, and you banged your forehead dully off the door before opening it up and finding him on the other side.
‘Sorry, you were taking so long, I wanted to make sure everything was okay,’ he said, and he either didn't hear the bump or was choosing to ignore it even though your forehead slightly throbbed.
‘That was Gwen, actually, the hearing is in two weeks, while Deni and Shaun should be in school,’ you informed him, and his smile grew so wide it made your heart break.
‘So we'll be able to get custody then?’ he asked excitedly, and you shook your head and took in a deep breath.
‘It all depends on how things turn out, if the judge is split then another one might be needed now that we know she might use your anger in her favour even though she was the one to hit you,’ you continued, and just the thought of this not working out was enough to bring him down again. ‘I know it seems bleak, but Les, I know that-’
‘What did you call me?’
‘Did I c-?’
‘Les, you said Les, don't call me that,’ he suddenly said as he stood to his full height, and you flubbed your apology enough times to make him sink down again. ‘Sorry, that's what Rita used to call me, I don't want to hear that name from you,’ he muttered, and before you could say anything else he headed back for the door. ‘I've got work tomorrow, I'll take the couch tonight, I'm too tired to drive all the way home.’
‘You'd leave just for that?’ you blurted out, your body moving on its own to block the doorway before you even knew what you were doing; he didn’t push you aside or get angry, but he did walk past until you had no choice but to let him through, your dinner forgotten on the table as you shut the door again the moment he sat down without saying anything more.
You kept your distance from each other the next day, him by leaving for work early, and then you by staying at work late. You left him a text saying you had your own big case coming up just as planned, but for once he didn’t reply other than to say he would be shopping so it’d be best if you found your own dinner. You ate at your desk as the sun set outside, nothing but old work you needed to sort through and properly file away on your docket as you nibbled away at cold pizza.
Once it hit the AMs you figured it was safe to go home, no matter where he slept you’d be able to avoid him if need be now that there was something off between you, and if you didn’t lay down somewhere and fast you were bound to either sleep at your desk or in your car. The drive home felt like an eternity but finally you made it, the house quiet and telling you that he was indeed asleep. You opened the door as quietly as you could, all the lights off as you traversed the long trek to your couch when you didn’t see him on it; you were about to lay down when you saw the paper on the coffee table, the words completely unintelligible in the dim light. You held it up to your face until it came into focus, your eyes taking it in several times before you dropped it and rushed to your bedroom.
You threw open the door to find the room empty, his suitcases packed and your bed made, no Lester in sight. You went back to the note and read it again with the lights on, your face contorting in misery as you sank into the cushions. It said that he’d grabbed the last of his needed furniture that trip, so there was no need for him to steal your bed or couch for another night. He thanked you for your help, and he’d pay you back for everything else at the end of the month, and there was no goodbye, just his name at the bottom. You woke up your phone to see if he’d left you any texts or voicemails but there was nothing, he’d gone shopping and then that was it.
This was for the best, you were never meant to go with him and he was never meant to stay, now he could focus on his family again without you there to distract him. You’d helped as much as he could and now he could take care of the rest by himself, he was a grown man, he needed you as a friend, not a roommate, not a partner, definitely not as a lover, everything could move forward again now.
‘At least I can come home tomorrow,’ you figured aloud as you turned the light back off, your shoes and coat left in the middle of the living room as you shed each. ‘I can make my own dinners again, sleep in my own bed, everything is back to normal.’ You shut your bedroom door and locked it, no need to keep it open when there was no one to walk in, your bed looking a little too made as you yanked the comforter free and sent the pillows flying. ‘No more suitcases on my floor that’ll make me trip in the middle of the night, and no more ties getting stuck in my dryer because he doesn’t know how to do fucking laundry.’
You picked up your pillows and threw them back into place, your face betraying you as you attempted to force a smile and only ended up accelerating the misery. You angrily wiped at your eyes before climbing into bed, your position changing from your left side as you faced the empty space beside you, to your right where you wouldn’t eventually feel his arm wrap around your waist, to your back as you stared up at the ceiling. You blinked and more tears fell but you wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he did this to you after everything you’d done for him, your hands wet as you repeatedly tried to dry your eyes.
‘Couldn’t even say goodbye to me before you left, you bastard,’ you swore to the ceiling, the space beside you feeling bigger and bigger until you felt encompassed by it. ‘You said I was the only one who didn’t leave you, why’d you throw me away, wh- no. He’s the one who left, and he didn’t even leave, he went home. That was never here, I knew this was coming, I knew…’ Your words echoed off the walls above you, reminding you even more that you were alone, and that across town he was feeling the same, and would feel the same until he was able to have his custody confirmed.
This wasn't about you, or what you’d done for him, or your feelings. This was about him, his marriage ending, and his upcoming battle for his children. That’s what it’d always been about, you’d just forgotten between him admitting that he’d almost wanted you to move in with him and you nearly kissing him again on the couch.
You rolled onto your stomach and shut your eyes tight as you tried not to remember it, that had to have been why he’d left, you’d told him you had no feelings for him and yet you’d still leaned in of your own volition that second time. He’d seen right through you, and then you’d proceeded to call him by the nickname his wife used, how many more ways could you have fucked this up? You didn’t scream into your pillow, you were too old for that now, but you might’ve raised your voice into it a little as you curled up and felt just how cold the bed was without him.
You changed your grocery day to Monday so there was no chance of running into him again, you needed to give him space after such a big mistake, but you knew you couldn’t keep it up as soon as you stepped foot into the store and knew that he wouldn’t be waiting for you both inside and at home. You promptly walked back out and found another, their stock not as good and their prices a bit higher, but this would have to become your new regular. It was at least a bit closer to home, and still very far from his house, so even if he had the same idea there’d still be no risk of him finding you here on a Monday.
You missed your Caramel Pecan as you unpacked your food, this place not having its own dessert counter since it focused mainly on brands, nothing fresh made in-store, and you definitely felt the dent in your wallet as you found yourself with barely enough to restock after the missed week of not wanting to see him again and just not getting yourself any new food. You wondered if maybe you might need to cut back to two or less trips a month with this new place, honestly you’d only started going every week in order to see him in the first place, he’d always gone through food faster since he was buying for four, maybe this would be less painful on your finances going forward.
This really would be for the best to get back to normal you decided as you made yourself something for dinner, and when you sat down in front of the TV to enjoy it you ignored all the commercials about back to school sales.
You were at work when you got the reminder for the hearing, it going off in the middle of a meeting and forcing you to remember that you’d completely forgotten to silence your phone before entering the room. Your expression went from embarrassment to concerned sadness at the popup, your boss asking if you were done as you just stared at your screen.
‘Uh, yeah, sorry about that,’ you apologized as you turned it off and got back to listening, your hand on your pocket for the entire rest of the meeting.
As soon as it was done you headed for the privacy of your office and shut the door, Gwen already dialed the moment it clicked into place. She didn’t pick up right away, she was probably busy, but the moment she did she was quick to tell you it wasn't a good time.
‘I don’t care, I need to be there tomorrow,’ you said as fast as you could, your knees giving out at the realization that you’d actually planned on saying you wouldn’t come, that you couldn’t, that you’d just be a liability. The words had fallen from you faster than you could think, and you put her on speaker and collapsed into your chair when you nearly dropped your phone. ‘I tried, I really did, but I need to know how this ends.’
‘I really can’t talk about this right now-’
‘But I need to! I’ve been trying not to think about it, just get back to normal, but every time I imagine him out there in front of everyone I just- he said everyone else left, I don’t want him to be alone tomorrow, I can’t do that to him, Gwen, I just can’t.’ Your face fell into your hand, your shoulders hunched as you gripped your chair and tried not to let everyone see outside your door how much this one person and his troubles were affecting you, and she sighed before speaking again.
‘And if tomorrow ends up like we discussed?’
‘Then I’ll deal with that too, with or without him.’ You heard another sigh, but even if she were to have you banned from the building somehow you knew you’d find your way into this, no matter if Rita had you called up there as her main proof or not.
‘Fine, I’m not your mother, but be prepared for anything,’ she warned before hanging up, she really didn’t have time for more, and you didn’t call back again as you gave yourself a minute to just breathe. She was right, you really needed to be prepared, and you were; as a lawyer you always went to the worst possible solution and planned ahead to avoid that, and that had treated you well in both your career and life until you’d met him. Before then, you never would’ve stayed the moment Rita gave you that look. You wouldn’t have gone back for movie night, and you certainly wouldn’t have invited him over.
But there was something about him that kept disarming you, that brought your guard down and made you believe that nothing bad would happen if you just went with his flow, and now look where you’d made him end up. You wouldn’t do that tomorrow, in fact you’d be the most You you’d been in months for him in order to make sure this went as smoothly as possible. You wouldn’t react with or to him at all, or anything concerning him as you sat on his side of the court. You wouldn’t speak out of turn no matter what she said, and you definitely wouldn’t speak to him.
And if they did indeed find it necessary to call in witnesses to prove their statements, then you would swallow down your feelings as deep as they would go and prove to everyone that you really were just his friend and that she was wrong, because that was the truth.
You couldn’t concentrate after that, needing to call in early to head home and prepare, and you spent the entire rest of the day picking out your outfit for tomorrow, setting way too many alarms, and preparing a king’s feast of food to bring to his house no matter the outcome; you knew it wouldn’t help, but if it went in her favour then you knew he’d spiral again, lose all hope for the future, and you would not let him do that alone. You packed it all into a bunch of tupperware you rarely used outside of work lunches and stuffed it into the fridge, and by the time that, a change of outfit just in case, and a shower were finally over you ended up tired and ready for bed.
You set one more alarm and placed your phone on your nightstand before attempting to sleep, your eyelids heavy but refusing to stay closed as you went over everything a hundred more times. Your mind was fully racing in the dark and quiet when your phone buzzed and lit you up, and you considered ignoring it before accepting that maybe a little eye strain might work in your favour. You grabbed it and tapped the screen to check the notification, all the tired leaving your body when you saw what was waiting for you.
Lester Billings says: I miss you
You swallowed as you rolled onto your stomach, your phone taking up your pillow as you propped yourself up on your elbows. ‘It’s been lonely here, I won’t lie,’ you said aloud as you typed, and you almost deleted it before pressing send. Three dots bounced at the bottom of the message as he typed back, your back aching from the angle but you refused to move as the next words popped up.
I haven’t been able to sleep since I got here This mattress isn’t very comfortable
You let out a small laugh, your eyes already starting to cloud as you rested your chin on the end of the pillow before your hands. ‘I knew you picked too soon, you should’ve tried out more.’
I should’ve gotten your opinion Your bed is comfier
You shut your eyes tight and buried your face in the pillow a moment, another ping making you look up again when the pillow started to wetten.
Will you be there tomorrow
‘Yes,’ you answered immediately, your back still aching as you readjusted and typed as fast as you could, ‘if you want me to be, I wasn't sure after you left so suddenly.’ You sent it before you could even think to type something else, your eyes widening in fear at this confession, and when more dots bounced you closed your eyes so you wouldn’t see his answer. Your phone buzzed but you waited for as long as you could before opening them again, a small noise leaving you as you read.
I thought you wanted me to go
‘What? No,’ you told your phone, and you sat up to call him only for him to decline it. ‘I never wanted you to go, I’m sorry if I rushed you,’ you hurriedly sent, and there was a bit of a pause before his next reply.
You told Gwen you’d lie to me Said I’d be out by the end of the week I thought you didn’t want me there
You tried again to call him but he again declined, and you were in the middle of typing out the explanation when he messaged you again first.
I can’t sleep I want to see you Can you come over Yes.
You didn’t even change out of your pajamas as you kicked off the blankets and hurried for the door, your car started by the time you slipped into the one pair of sandals that you owned but never wore. You almost forgot to lock up you were in such a hurry, the streets thankfully almost empty as you fought not to speed to him. The lights were all off and his car was in the driveway, the yard now cleaned up while he was there since you guessed he also needed the distraction. Your hand was raised to knock when the door opened, and there he stood, in pajama pants and an undershirt, his hair a mess and bags under his eyes as he looked down at you.
‘Lester, I-’ you began before he pulled you into a tight hug, and you had no one to hide from as you nuzzled into his shoulder and held him just as tightly back. He led you inside, the door locked behind you, you weren’t going home, and you tossed your keys onto the kitchen counter just out of reach before following him to the bedroom. He’d bought himself a dresser in your absence, all of his clothes tucked neatly inside so his suitcases could finally be retired, and his bed looked big and lonely and not as comfortable as it did when you’d helped him set it up.
‘It’s not as comfortable as yours,’ he repeated quietly, his first words to you since he’d slept on your couch that final time, and you grabbed his hand and gently pulled him towards it.
‘Let me get that second opinion, then,’ you whispered, and when you kneeled onto the mattress you sank right down. You laid to his right, the two of you on your backs with space between as you stared at the ceiling, the comforter trapper underneath you but also unneeded in the summer heat, his AC must also not be working that well. You noticed he had his window open to let in the breeze, and you breathed deep when the wind blew the curtains open a little more. ‘It’s not that bad,’ you finally decided, and he turned to look at you before rolling onto his side.
‘Why did you want me to go?’ he asked without wasting another second, and you shut your eyes before rolling to face him.
‘I never did, it was Gwen, she was worried someone might think that I- that we…’
‘That you were the one Rita was worried about, I get it,’ he realized, but he didn’t look very relieved. ‘I had a feeling, but I wish you’d have told me, I really thought that you were… leaving me too.’
‘I was supposed to keep my distance from you, that was her legal advice, for me to not be seen with you and make anyone think we were together,’ you admitted now that you could, and again he looked like he understood but that that didn’t help it hurt any less. ‘But hanging out with you, going shopping and then cleaning this place up, I didn’t know how to stay away, and I knew if I couldn’t pull this off then it’d only hurt you in the end.’
‘To tell you the truth, I’d have rather been kicked out for that than spend the past two weeks thinking no one wanted me in their life anymore.’ His voice was low, and he was mostly in shadow, but you could still see him crying as he closed his eyes, and when you touched his cheek to wipe the tears away he held your hand in place. ‘I haven’t been alone since Rita and I moved in together, and even before then I always had my family or my roommates; I don’t know how to do this on my own…’
‘You’re not, I’m here, I’ll always be here, because that’s what friends are for,’ you murmured as you brushed your thumb over his cheek to collect the next tear before it hit his nose, and he choked out a small laugh before holding you hand to his chest.
‘I love you,’ he told you then, and you were just about to say it back when he continued. ‘You might be the best friend I’ve ever had, maybe even better than Rita was to me, I’m so glad I met you.’
‘Y-yeah, I’m glad too.’ You were never supposed to be in this part of his life. You were the reason this was happening. He would never feel the same. ‘Do you think you’re ready to get some sleep, now? Big day tomorrow, after all.’
‘I can try, now that you’re here,’ he smiled before getting up to pull the comforter free, and you masked your pain with a smile of your own as you laid back against his chest, his arm around your waist and his soft snores telling you it’d worked again not too long after. You wiped away your tears before placing your hand over his, the cicadas crying outside for you as you also drifted off with the breeze.
Your many alarms came in handy, the first failing to wake either of you in your exhaustion. It was the third that worked since they were so close together, this one making you crack open an eye to check the time instead of just to find the device and shut it up. Your heart raced as the adrenaline woke you fully, and his arm was still around you as you tried to sit and get him up. Seeing him there, still sleeping so peacefully gave you pause however, you’d really missed this sight, but it wasn't yours to keep, he’d sleep better when his kids were able to visit, this was the last time.
You swallowed it down and gave him a shake, Lester startling awake and blinking around in confusion, but when he saw you there, looking down at him with the sunlight streaming in and the wind pushing aside the curtains to cool the room a little more, he actually looked like he…
He didn’t, he couldn’t, he’d said so already, and you held up your phone so he could see the time. ‘I’ve gotta head back and get ready, today’s the day,’ you whispered as his loving smile faded, and it was replaced with a serious expression as he nodded and sprung into action. He also had his outfit prepared, one of his nicer suits for work, the one he’d been wearing when you first met him you realized as he held it up and transferred it from his closet to the end of his bed while he picked out a tie.
‘You should’ve brought your clothes, we could’ve gone in together,’ he said as he looked between the red and the blue patterned ties he was torn between, and you froze as you straightened your shirt before another smile was forced.
‘I’m supposed to not add any fuel to the fire, that would’ve set everything ablaze,’ you chuckled a bit sadly, and he gave you a small look before holding the red up to his chest to look at in his dresser mirror.
‘I don’t care anymore, she can think what she wants, I don’t see her standing here with me. Which one do you like better? I can’t decide and I’ll end up without one if you leave.’ He held both up for you to see, and you decided on the blue after imagining it along with his suit. ‘Thank you, I was thinking the same but I wasn't sure.’
He set it down with his suit and moved onto some socks and other things to pull on after his shower, so you took that as your cue to leave as you slipped past him and headed for the door. Now that it was bright out you could see that he’d really only gotten the dresser and a new fridge, the old stove still in place and everything else unnecessary and just cutting into his finances for now, and you couldn’t help but think that your second couch would fit perfectly in the space against the wall leading to the bedrooms. You located your keys and stepped back into your sandals before opening the door to leave, and you were just about to walk through the threshold when his hands found you again.
They both slipped around your waist, holding you in place and keeping you there with him for just a moment longer, and you spun in his arms in order to hug him back when he surprised you with a kiss to your forehead. It was the first kiss he’d initiated, a show of thanks for coming over and clearing the air, and while it was still platonic as needed it made you wish you could have more all the same, your hands finding his chest, then his shoulders before you pulled him into his hug.
‘I’ll see you there, I wouldn’t miss this for the world,’ you whispered against his chest, and his right hand found the back of your neck before he let you go.
‘See you there,’ he repeated back to you, and then you were leaving, the shape of him on the other side of the glass blurry as he watched you go until your car was pulling out of his driveway.
You hurried home, no time to waste this morning, and you left your car idle and unlocked as you ran inside and had the quickest shower known to man. You got dressed even faster, you didn’t need to be there for hours but you couldn’t stay in your home knowing this was coming, the plan to have some breakfast and coffee at the shop just down the street from the courthouse. You went to check your phone to see if Gwen had said anything when you remembered you’d left it in your car, and you were thankful you lived where you did as it hit you that you almost handed your entire car to potential thieves.
It wouldn’t have mattered, you’d have found a way over regardless, and you hopped back into the seat and headed over for that breakfast before your body decided that you were much too nervous to eat. Parking was thankfully available despite the location thanks to the early hour, and you tossed a bunch of change into the meter before walking in and finding yourself a seat by the window. It was a quaint little place, you knew of it but had never been in before, and it was decently busy with what had to be its regulars as they all chatted and filled the room with light conversation.
‘Can I start you off with a coffee this morning?’ a young man in his what had to be his late 20s asked not too long after you sat down, and you stared at the menu he offered before taking it and ordering your usual blend. ‘We’re doing a special today, couples get their second breakfast half off if there’s anyone else joining you today?’
‘No, I’m not waiting for anyone, thank you,’ you murmured even as you glanced out the window like you were, just to watch for when he’d arrive, and your server nodded and didn’t even miss a beat.
‘Guess I don’t need to tell you that groups get their own discount, then,’ he attempted to joke, and you glanced up at him and his sweet grin that relaxed you enough to smile genuinely back.
‘No, I guess you don’t,’ you answered before finally going to the menu, and you ordered yourself a light breakfast to ease your hungry but also very worried stomach while you waited. He wrote it down, took the menu back, and headed for the kitchen to drop it off, your eyes catching sight of his haircut pulled back into a small ponytail before he disappeared from sight. You went back to your window as you waited for your coffee, and it’d just been placed in front of you when the bell above the door jingled and alerted him to the new person he’d have to talk to.
To your surprise they sat down across from you, and you looked up to see that it was Rita. Your entire body tensed as you failed not to glare, and he looked between the two of you before asking if you knew each other.
‘Not particularly,’ you said through gritted teeth, but she wasn't fazed by your new anger as she just ordered a mint tea and black coffee to go along with two bagels, one raisin with butter and one everything with cream cheese, obvious breakfast for her and whoever she hired to take Lester’s kids from him. You wished you could secretly tell your server to spit in her tea before you calmed and collected yourself, you were an adult, not a child as he walked away to grab everything for her, and she remained across from you as she folded her hands over the table.
‘I assume I don’t need to ask why you’re so close to the courthouse this morning,’ she remarked as she also looked out the window, and you shook your head slowly as you continued your fight to not add more fuel to the fire. ‘Is he meeting you here?’
‘No, I came in to have breakfast alone,’ you replied levelly, you wouldn’t give in to her provoking now that you both knew what she thought of you.
‘No time to do it at home?’ She was probing you to make you slip, probably to bring this back to her lawyer as just a little extra last minute kindling, and you shook your head and sipped at your coffee. ‘I heard he was able to find a place already, does he really think that I’ll let him see our children after this?’ Stay calm, you still had yet to confirm anything about her theories, just ignore her. ‘Because I won’t, not after what he did. I brought a picture of our wall to show the judge today, if such a sweet man can do that to the wall then how long will it be before he’s hurting my children?’
‘Tha-’ You cut yourself off so fast you nearly spilt your coffee, your hands grasped so hard around the cup that it was burning your palms, and you didn’t miss her expression as she smugly got out her buzzing phone.
‘Right on time,’ she said as she stood, your server waiting for her at the counter as he popped the lids onto her drinks. ‘I’ll see you inside, I’m sure the judge will be thrilled that you didn’t hide from this.’
‘I’m not hiding from anything,’ you snapped before you could stop, your eyes only on her as she stopped and looked back at you.
‘Good, that’ll make things so much easier.’
You didn’t look at her as she picked up her food and walked out, your burning hands pressed to the cold wood to cool them down as you glared at your cup, your shoulders so tense that the pain traveling up your neck was about to give you a headache. You didn’t move apart from finding new cold places on the table until your breakfast arrived, but you felt even less hungry than before despite your server’s wishes to enjoy. It took you until your eggs had stopped steaming before you attempted to eat, but every thought went back to her and how she was probably telling her lawyer all about your eventual appearance before them all.
As such you ate slow, the time ticking away as the roads filled out and the sun rose higher; people flooded the streets and avoided your gaze as you searched for a familiar navy car, and the only thing that made you snap out of your search was your phone reminding you that your meter was about to run out. ‘Shit, I’ll be right back, need to put more money in,’ you told your server as he went to pass, and you left your phone on the table as collateral after pointing out your car through the window. You raced out, barely avoiding two old ladies currently walking by, and fished for more change when you felt a hand on your shoulder.
‘Looks like we’re early,’ Lester said behind you, and when you turned you saw Gwen beside him, her face very stern at the fact that he was already standing too close to you. ‘You just finish?’
‘I’ve still got half a plate, just needed to refill this,’ you let him know as you loaded up the meter as high as it would go, and he smiled warmly at you as you led him inside. Your server looked between you all and you asked for two more menus after thanking him for his patience, and just as you made room for him to sit beside you you found Gwen sliding into the space instead. He sat across from you, right where Rita had been not an hour earlier, and he looked nervous but also calm as he opened the menu and started choosing. ‘Looks like you can give us that breakfast talk now,’ you joked at your server, and he readied his notepad as he recalled the deal.
‘Since you haven’t paid yet I’ll count this as a group, but since families and friends have been stopping in together leading up to the start of school we have a deal going on, groups of three and up get a 20% discount off their total, and a 30% discount if you order the Back to School Special,’ he explained, Gwen clearly not listening but Lester paying attention fully as he set the menu down.
‘What’s that?’
‘It used to just be for kids, but everyone started ordering it, so- excuse me, it includes three meats, three eggs, home fries, toast, and a free glass of juice or milk, everything a growing kid needs before a busy day at school,’ he told him, and Lester smiled wide and asked for just that, his drink of choice orange juice since lactose tended to upset him in large amounts and he was feeling sick enough already. It was too much information and it made you smile fondly as your server let out a laugh he then quickly stifled as he took his menu back.
‘I’ll just have the coffee and brown sugar oatmeal, thanks,’ Gwen said as she handed her own menu back, the folder she’d been holding now open and taking up the available space the moment he left you. ‘I figured out who her lawyer is when we parked, I’d know that car anywhere, belongs to a scrappy kid who’s been known to hire people to help him get dirt on his opposition,’ she told you as she flipped to a page he needed to fill out while they had time, one final thing to prove that he had a suitable house and a steady income now that both things were true.
‘Should we be worried about him then?’ you asked as he signed, and she bit her thumbnail as she frowned at the table, the most emotion she’d shown over this case other than the realization that you were the assumed lover.
‘I’m not sure, you haven’t spent any more time together lately, have you?’ she hissed under her breath, and you pictured yourself going to his house but recalling that no one had been around thankfully.
‘No, not since he moved,’ you lied, and she nodded to herself as he finished up and slid the folder back over.
‘All she has is speculation, so focusing on proving that you deserve joint custody is all that matters today,’ she decided, and Lester breathed a little unsteadily before his breakfast arrived. He thanked your server and dug right in, his nerves making him eat faster than he should’ve as you’d come to expect, and you went to reach for his hand to make him aware that he should slow down when you felt Gwen nudge your foot. She did so instead, and he drank half his orange juice to wash it all down, the glass thankfully not kid-sized as he went back to eating. ‘It’ll be okay, let’s just focus on saving this marriage and getting your kids back right now.’
‘Oh, I don’t want to save this marriage,’ he suddenly said around a mouthful of overly jammed toast, and your head shot up so fast in hope that your already stiff neck ached in protest. ‘No, I thought I did at first, but she can have her divorce, I just want my kids back, that’s all that matters to me now.’
You ignored the nudge this time as you held his hand, proud of him for being able to let go of such a long relationship now that it’d turned to this, he was aware that what they had was gone and that it would be different if they tried to reconnect. You gave him a reassuring smile that it’d be okay going forward now, he didn’t have to try and mend what she’d broken, and he returned it before the actual kick to your leg made you let go. He went back to eating, his pace normal and not bound to make him sick now, and you knew you couldn’t let him hear what you needed to tell the woman beside you.
You got out your phone and quickly typed out a message to her, her phone pinging and making her grab it from her purse until she saw it was from you. She frowned but opened it all the same just to see that you’d said Rita talked to you, and you both knew you couldn’t ditch him to talk this time, not this close to the courthouse. She tapped back a quick reply which you answered just as fast, the two of you secretly typing under the table as he ate and watched the people go by, completely unaware of the reason why Gwen then sighed into her oatmeal.
She put away her phone, she wasn't too worried since his kids were his main priority, and quickly finished up her meager breakfast as a clock nearby chimed loudly. ‘We need to head over soon, it’s almost time,’ she reminded you both as you cleared your plates, and as soon as the bill was settled between the three of you you all headed out for the courthouse.
‘Oh wait, lemme fill the meter more, just in case,’ you said when you realized you didn’t know how long this would take since there was a lot to go over, and you let them go on ahead to Gwen’s preference as you fished for more coins to replace the time you’d spent inside.
‘Got some change to spare?’ someone asked as you found a quarter, and you frowned when you turned to see an unfamiliar face to this area approach you with an outstretched hand.
‘Yeah, uh, just let me do this first,’ you answered warily before filling the meter back up, a $5 bill added to your hand of remaining change so the man could get something to eat.
‘Thanks, you’re the first person all morning who’s given me the time of day,’ he told you almost sleazily as he counted the change, his eye on the seat you’d just vacated through the window as your server cleared your plates. ‘Heard this place is good, you just come from breakfast?’
‘Yeah, the coffee is cheap, so that should be good for a cup and something to eat,’ you replied, ready to walk away when he carefully sidestepped into your path.
‘That’s what I heard, yeah, anything you can suggest?’
‘I have somewhere I need to be, if you’ll excuse me,’ you tried to say without provoking him, everyone else giving you a wide berth as he stood in front of you again, and your eyes narrowed as you looked him over and realized he was dressed a little too well to be homeless.
‘Oh, of course, I was just wondering if you knew that guy you were with was a cheater, doesn’t make for a very good breakfast date.’
You froze as he grinned at you, your phone coming out to quickly text Gwen as he pocketed your change and crossed his arms. ‘I’m sorry, what did you say your name was?’ you asked as you typed, and he glanced at it before smiling for the camera in case you were taking a picture or video of him, he’d done this before.
‘You can call me Harley, you checking with that hot lawyer friend of yours to make sure I won’t be trouble?’ he asked as he tried to see your phone, and you held it to your chest seconds before her voice rang out. He heard her and spun to see her running back over, Lester waiting on the steps of the courthouse for you, and Harley grinned at you again before finally getting out of your way and heading down the street into a large crowd. He was gone instantly, Gwen out of breath as she arrived and made sure everything was okay.
‘I’m fine, but I think that might’ve been her lawyer,’ you figured as you turned back to see only strangers.
‘No, that wasn't him, but he might’ve been the guy he hired this time to follow Lester, have you seen him before?’
‘No, never, this was the first,’ you thought as you desperately searched your mind for any sign of him, but there was nothing, even though something about him felt so strangely familiar that you couldn’t place no matter how hard you tried.
‘C’mon, it’s starting in ten, we need to get in there,’ she said as she placed a hand on your back, and you crossed the street to where he was waiting nervously.
‘What happened?’ he asked as soon as you reached him, and you made sure to keep some space between you as you fixed yourself up a little.
‘Some creep asked me for change, nothing to worry about,’ you lied, and you let them go in first several minutes before you entered the building. You’d been in there many times before for your own cases, you knew the exact way to go as you headed for the main court where this would be held, and sure enough there was no one on his side while a few of their friends as well as Rita’s parents sat on her side with her, baby Annie currently sleeping in her grandmother’s lap. You tried to avoid the front row but you couldn’t, not when all of them stared you down in disgust, they all believed her claims since you were new, and you ignored them as you broke your first rule and sat directly behind him and Gwen as she prepared her opening statement.
In order to not glare very unprofessional daggers at the people who’d once claimed to be his friends, you instead finally got a look at her lawyer, and you outwardly groaned so loud that he heard it; he turned to find the source, his grin very wide and blue eyes very wild as he whispered something to Rita that you couldn’t hear. She didn’t turn, but she did smile as she looked over the papers in front of her, and you leaned forward with a quick and quiet whistle to get Gwen’s attention.
‘Why didn’t you tell me she hired Matt?’ you hissed between your teeth, and she looked at you in surprise.
‘You know him?’
‘Yeah, the prick’s been vying for a promotion for years and stole so many cases from me and many others to try and get it, the guy’s an asshole,’ you sneered a little too loud, and you heard him snicker from his table across the way.
‘All the more reason you stay as uninvolved as possible going forward, don’t bring work into this,’ she warned very seriously, and you nodded as you sat back against the unforgiving bench. It wasn't too long after when the judge walked in, and you, Gwen, and Matt all rose before everyone else on instinct. You liked this judge, she was around your age and very beautiful, but she had a temper like fire when unfairness was found, and you knew if Matt tried anything she’d be fast to shut it down. You smirked at him as everyone sat again, she’d see through all of this and clearly favour Lester after all, you had nothing to worry about as you sat back and relaxed for the first time in weeks.
‘Good morning, Judge Burkhardt,’ Gwen said as she stood again after a moment, the hearing officially started as she addressed the woman sitting above you all. ‘I’m here today on behalf of my client, Lester Billings, who wishes to contend his ex-wife’s claim of full custody.’
‘I was under the impression we’d also be discussing his previous concerns about the separation, as well,’ the Judge wondered as she went over her own notes, Gwen shaking her head and presenting her with a copy of everything she’d been collecting the past few weeks.
‘That’s no longer a concern, what he does care about is the very real possibility of losing the ability to see his children,’ she clarified as she went back to her seat, Rita whispering something to Matt before frowning at Lester.
‘I’ve got it, I’ll handle it,’ you heard him whisper back to her, and you felt your moment of relaxation start to fade at the tone of his voice.
‘If that’s what he wishes, please proceed.’
‘Thank you, now, before Ms. Rothschild can tell you her reasons for this, let me explain to you the situation from my client’s end, before bias and misunderstandings come into play; what brought this about was a horrible lack of trust between two people who’ve been together for a very long time, and who knew each other for even longer. Where there should’ve been love, jealousy arose. When there should’ve been understanding, stubbornness had taken its place. And when it was time to listen, to believe what my client was saying, there was only refusal, leading to an argument that could’ve been very much avoided.’ Gwen looked to Lester for this final part, and he covered his eyes with his hands as the guilt resurfaced once more.
You wanted so badly to go to him again but you couldn’t, the partition separating you from him feeling more like a sprawling chasm in order to stop the Judge from believing what Matt was bound to say next. So you remained seated, your hands clasped tightly in your lap as the Judge listened and read over everything Gwen had collected about that night.
‘Mistakes were made on both ends, but he doesn’t deserve to be punished with such severity, not when he loves his children this much. This is a man who can’t live without the love of his family, and if that’s taken away from him, then I fear that it’ll affect not only them as they grow up without their father, even if Ms. Rothschild does decide to remarry in the future, but also Mr. Billings as well. Thank you.’ She went back to her seat, Lester’s eyes sad but his smile thankful for what she was doing for him, and she stopped him from looking back at you as Matt loudly cleared his throat and took his turn.
‘What my client is here today to achieve is not just the separation of two people whose relationship has fallen by the wayside, but to terminate an agreement that was so blatantly broken. To allow someone who would disregard the feelings of others to that degree, and then proceed to take his anger out on her when called out on it, would be a serious risk to the children as the younger ones grow and develop.’ You grabbed onto the bench and dug your nails into the wood until it hurt as Matt strolled casually in front of the Judge while he spoke, his eyes occasionally drifting to you as he fought not to smile just because he knew you were the cause of it all.
‘I see here Mr. Billings became violent?’ the Judge confirmed, and Matt nodded in fake solemness as he went back to his table.
‘Punched a wall, their bedroom wall right next to her to be precise, so who’s to say he wasn't aiming for her and simply missed?’
‘I didn’t!’ Lester spoke up, the Judge giving him a warning look for speaking out of turn but ultimately not calling him out while also letting Matt continue.
‘In this picture my client has provided, you can see the actual indent where he made contact, note the sunken area from his knuckles, I know I wouldn’t want my kid to be anywhere near someone like that,’ he said a bit too casually as he shared the photo with her, only to receive his own visual warning for not taking this seriously. ‘Anyway, my point is that Mr. Billings is a liar, a cheat, and now, as of that night, prone to violent tendencies as well, which, if everyone may agree with me, is not a very suitable lifestyle when raising children.’
A chorus of agreements came from her side of the room, and you actually opened your mouth that time before shutting it tight and biting your lip. Matt collected his photo and went to sit back down, but not before shooting you a glance, and you were glad he worked on another floor than you because you were about to plan ahead and trash his office come Monday. He relished in your expression and sat back down again, the Judge going over the papers in front of her before looking forward again.
‘It says here that the main cause of separation was cheating, but according to his report he claims that to be the misunderstand that’s been mentioned; I know it doesn’t matter in the end since this seems to be mutual at this stage, but I feel like it would be better going forward to have this addressed so as to not give the children a skewed opinion of their father, if you don’t mind,’ the Judge said with a frown as she looked between both parties, and you quietly let out a calm breath while you mentally prepared yourself for what was to come.
‘It’s fine by us, Ms. Rothschild was looking forward to this getting cleared up,’ Matt loudly proclaimed so there’d be no chance you didn’t hear it, Gwen not as loudly agreeing as the Judge nodded and motioned for them to proceed. ‘Ms. Rothschild, if you would kindly take the stand so everyone can hear your side of things.’
‘This isn’t a trial, she can stay where she is,’ the Judge was quick to correct, but Matt’s smile was still wide as he looked back at his audience.
‘Yes, but we’ve also brought in some… ex-mutual friends of theirs who’d like to back up her claims, if you don’t mind,’ he informed her, and she considered it before deciding it might help to get their outsiders opinions even though you knew they were bound to side entirely with her until the truth became skewed even more, this wasn't fair. ‘Thank you, Your Honour; Rita, if you’d please?’
She stood and walked over to the stand, the bailiff overseeing everything shrugging before bringing over the court’s bible and having her say her oath of truth before returning to his spot. ‘Well, I’d say it started a few months back, when he returned from getting groceries. We decided that that would be his thing since I’d be at home watching Annie after preschool, and it was just easier for him to do it on his way home,’ she began, your eyes switching between her and Lester as he listened intently. ‘It was subtle at first, he’d get home a little later, something new would be in his cart that I hadn’t asked for, but it wasn't until he started talking about them that I knew something was wrong.’
You saw him open his mouth to object but Gwen silenced him, this was her time to talk, he would get his soon enough.
‘It was so little I barely noticed, just some dinner conversation as everyone talked about their day, but when they kept getting brought up, not just on Thursday but throughout the week, and then when my daughter asked for some friends to sleep over now that summer had started, he ended up turning it into this big party. We’ve thrown them before, we’re very social people, but there was something about this one that felt off, like it was just an excuse to get as many people there as possible.’
She paused, looking troubled as she thought back to it, and you hadn’t known that the party you’d been invited to was actually just supposed to be for her, that explained why so many of them had stayed when they went in for the night.
‘But I knew something was wrong when he brought home that cheesecake, neither of us even like Caramel Pecan, and I tried to excuse it like maybe he’d gotten it for the girls, or maybe he was trying something new, but the moment I saw him give them a piece I knew it. I knew that there was something going on behind my back.’
The Judge frowned but didn’t say anything, murmurs drifting over from your right, and you looked at Lester as he and Gwen said something so quiet you couldn’t hear a single word even from that close. ‘A gift for the secret lover, was it?’ Matt asked like he didn’t already know the answer, and Rita nodded as she shot you a cold look.
‘And it wasn't just that, he also had them sit next to him while we watched movies, and I watched as he grabbed them around the waist and threw them into the pool so they could flirt not just in front of me but in front of all our friends, like he was flaunting the fact that he’d found someone else at me,’ she continued angrily, her voice rising as she turned her attention to him, and he tried again to speak only to be silenced. ‘He kept inviting them to our house after that, kept throwing parties of various sizes and always inviting them even though they barely knew each other, and they didn’t come often but whenever they did his eyes were always on them, I saw him do it.’
Your mouth fell open as you let out a soft gasp, and Lester stared straight ahead at her, completely ignoring you as you tried to think of him watching you while you were around, but you’d always tried so hard to keep it platonic, to not overstep any boundaries and stay out of that part of his life, had he really been looking at you the entire time?
‘That was when you decided to ask him about it, right before your vacation, correct?’ Matt asked like this was the best drama he’d ever gotten to witness because she was talking about you, someone he personally knew and contended against.
‘Correct, I didn’t want to go anywhere with him if he’d be thinking about someone else, and I certainly didn’t want to risk him inviting them along on our family vacation.’
‘Was there ever an actual concern about that?’ the Judge interrupted, and Rita shrugged before nodding.
‘Yes, at one point he asked if maybe we should let the kids bring one friend each so they could have more fun, teased about asking the Himuras since Deni is friends with their daughters, but it was the way he said it, like he wanted to ask someone but not them, that this was just another excuse, and that’s when I asked him to be honest with me about the cheating.’ Lester was shaking his head as she spoke, but whether it was because she was wrong or if he regretted what he said because it was true made you unsure of everything you believed before you walked through those doors.
‘And we know how that turned out; he denied your claims, refused to name the lover himself, and when you refused to say it he became violent-’
‘Objection, Mr. Billings told me explicitly that he never answered her questions in her favour because he wasn't aware of what she was even talking about, because this is all just assumptions and slander,’ Gwen interrupted heatedly, she also knew what he’d said and this was making her lose control of her emotions in your stead.
‘He didn’t answer because he’d been caught and didn’t want to admit it and you know it,’ Matt said dismissively with a sneer, the Judge banging her gavel just once to quiet him when she remembered there was a sleeping baby present.
‘Sustained until proven otherwise, leave the judgment up to me, if you’ll please,’ she warned him, and he sat back and crossed his arms as Rita was encouraged to finish.
‘He did become angry when I wouldn’t tell him what he already knew, and when he hit the wall I felt unsafe for the first time around him,’ she concluded seriously, her parents glaring at him as Annie kept sleeping in blissful ignorance of the situation. ‘That was when I asked for custody, and kicked him out of our room. After that he began to stay elsewhere, I never looked him up.’
Matt chuckled to himself but didn’t say anything, and when you felt your skin crawl you noticed that he was staring at you again. ‘Thank you, and if it would please you, Your Honour, I would like to call some friends of theirs to the stand, to share what they saw as well and to prove that this isn’t just a bad take formed out of jealousy.’
‘I’ll allow it.’
You watched as the couple from movie night entered together, their own oaths spoken before they agreed that he’d been oddly close to you during the party, how he favoured you during movie night by making you extra dip even though he never once did that for any of them, and some of them he’d known since highschool. They hadn’t wanted to believe it, but something changed in him since you’d appeared in his life, a change you’d never noticed because you only saw this new him, apparently. You could almost cry, the way they were saying it could almost make you believe he’d fallen in love with you, to the point where you were genuinely unsure if Matt had coached them to say all this for Rita’s sake or if this was the truth.
‘Sounds pretty cut and dry to me, no further questions,’ Matt said as they sat down, and the Judge looked equally as convinced as she turned her attention back to Lester.
‘Indeed, but we still need to hear from Mr. Billings,’ she reminded everyone, and he was about to stand when Matt held up a hand to interrupt.
‘Actually, I’d also like to call a colleague of mine to the stand before we get to him,’ he told everyone, and you saw Gwen twitch just a little just as you yourself did.
‘Is this colleague here?’ the Judge asked, and he nodded before whistling; the man from the street, Harley, then appeared from somewhere behind you, he’d been hiding out of sight and was holding a coffee and a manilla envelope as he walked up to Matt and handed it over. He opened it up, peeked inside, and grinned so excitedly that it almost made you sick as he then turned to you and motioned for you to come forward.
You stood and did as he asked, it was finally your turn, and Lester watched you go along with everyone else as you sat in the worn seat and tried to keep your breathing level. ‘Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?’ the bailiff asked you as your hand shook over the cover, and you looked to Lester before steeling your gaze in Matt’s direction, his expression telling you that he thought this would be not only his win but your loss, that maybe this would finally be enough to up his credit enough to join the big leagues, this imaginary promotion that’ll finally tell him he was a success.
‘I do,’ you replied honestly, and he shook his head in amused pity before removing the papers along with a phone from the envelope to lay out on the table. He stood again, he couldn’t remain seated with this, and he cracked his neck for show before jumping right into it.
‘Thursday, May 9th, that’s when you first met him, wasn't it?’ he asked smugly as he checked over his notes, the Judge the last to know that it was all leading up to this as she sat up a little straighter.
‘Yes, that was the day I first spoke to Le- Mr. Billings at Walkers,’ you confirmed professionally, determined to not make this any worse than it could be, you could do this.
‘But it wasn't until a few weeks later that you were invited to his home, correct?’
‘That’s right, you know a bunch of us were collaborating on the Krill case around that time, I wasn't able to get much shopping done with the late hours,’ you replied, and he hummed and flipped the page.
‘I remember, you guys stole that one from me,’ he muttered because he couldn’t help but let it out, and you tried not to smirk amidst your attempts to keep everything calm and collected. ‘So that means you only met twice before you became friends?’
‘I guess- I mean, yes, technically, but that second time we spent around 40 to 45 minutes getting to know each other, the first time he had to run home shortly after I met him.’
‘And you were unaware that he’d been bringing you up around his family and friends the whole time you were kept away by work?’
Your eye twitched as you glanced at the man in question, and you found a lovely section of wall to stare out down the aisle instead. ‘I was not, no.’
‘And you still accepted his invitation, despite meeting once pretty much?’ He was baiting you, and you very much knew it as you acquainted yourself with the wall in the distance.
‘He seemed pleasant enough, and I don’t meet many people outside of work, I thought it might be fun to give it a try,’ you rationalized in front of everyone, the other reason that you simply liked him and wanted to see him again obviously left out.
‘And the cheesecake…?’
‘We’d stopped by the dessert counter and they only sold it in full cakes, not slices, he bought it as incentive for me to join so I could have some, a friendly encouragement for me to accept,’ you explained, and Rita scoffed as the Judge raised her eyebrow at Lester. ‘At least, that’s what I assumed, he never said it in words.’ It was a lie, an actual lie, and you watched his expression change as he became unsure if he’d said that to you or not.
‘Which you did accept, in the end, did you not? Directly from him according to Rita,’ Matt confirmed, and you nodded as you recalled that night.
‘He was handing it out to not just me, but a few others as well, I wasn't a special case,’ you clarified as you remembered him grabbing several slices from both cheesecakes to hand out to those still sitting and getting ready for the movie. ‘And before you mention the pool, yes, he did throw me in, but by pushing me, not by grabbing me around the waist, I don’t know where she got that from. He pushed me, jumped in, and then others did as well, it was a pool party after all and now that all the kids were inside or asleep it was the adults’ turn to swim.’
Matt frowned as he went back to his notes, another page flipped to as your shoulders relaxed just a little again. ‘And the movie gathering, with the dip?’
‘I arrived late so I’d missed out on it, he made more so I could enjoy some as well, and when I got my portion it was shared with everyone else, if I’d arrived on time he more than likely would’ve kept watching the movie.’ You felt satisfied when you saw the couple nod like they’d forgotten that point, you were winning them over, and they looked at you a little less dirtily as you fought the urge not to smile. ‘He only kept inviting me to things because we only had time to socialize while we grocery shopped, which isn’t very good for a new friendship, this was his way of keeping us familiar and not just shopping strangers since he knew my weekdays were full, I’m sure you’d be more familiar with that if you had more clients.’
A faint snicker filled the room at your comment, Matt’s face going red before he got serious; he flipped ahead so fast he nearly tore the pages, and when he found what he was looking for he looked like he was the cat and you were the canary. ‘Keep it up while you can,’ he whispered before smiling at the Judge, Rita looking worried until she saw his expression. ‘Thursday, July 18th, almost an entire month after the divorce was called, you went back to his home to find him, did you not?’
The smile you didn’t realize you were wearing then started to fall, and you concentrated on your patch of wall again as you nodded. ‘I did, yes. I hadn’t seen him in two weeks and I was worried.’
‘Oh, just two? Wouldn’t he have been missing for a month?’ he quickly asked, looking like he’d caught you, and you nibbled your lip a moment in frustration.
‘I’d assumed he was on vacation, he’d told me about it and since I knew the kids were on holiday I just figured he was in California,’ you clarified even quicker, but he didn’t look convinced as he flipped to the next page.
‘Uh huh, according to Rita it says here that you asked for him specifically while in a panic, and when she informed you of his move you began banging on the door and asking about their children, you sound pretty invested for just a weekend friend,’ he pointed out as he turned on his heel to face everyone, and when you looked at Lester he looked just as surprised to hear this news as you were to hear about him watching you.
‘It’d been two weeks and something felt wrong, I needed to make sure everything was okay,’ you told him, your eyes no longer finding the wall as he spun to face you, his low ponytail creating a flash of gold across his crisp black blazer. ‘And she hadn’t told me about the move until after she assaulted me via a slap to the face, as well as insinuated that I’d come there to steal him away. I would never, that had never been my intention.’
‘At first.’ Matt skipped almost giddily over to you before handing the Judge a bunch of papers and slamming one on the stand in front of you, and you frowned in confusion as you saw yourself in the photo; it was the night you’d met up with him again, the two of you hugging in his car, and you desperately tried to find the words as the Judge frowned disapprovingly. ‘You met up with him again at Walkers a week later, where you proceeded to not only pay for his groceries according to my sources, but also invite him back to your home to stay while he searched for a new residence, instead of his current hotel room, where does all that fit in with your intentions?’
He was positively smug as the Judge motioned for Gwen to approach as well, everyone else whispering to each other until Annie started to stir and forced them to be silent. ‘Did you know about this?’ she asked while Lester sat there uneasily, and Gwen reluctantly nodded while Matt failed to suppress another chuckle.
‘If they may explain, it was a rooming of convince, nothing more,’ Gwen said on your behalf, and the Judge looked to you before letting her go again so you could finish.
‘I was simply extending some kindness to someone who’d gotten me out of the house more times than anything else in those couple months; I saw a friend in need, so I offered him my couch until he could find his own place, I’d figured it would’ve been too hard to place a downpayment on anything when all of his funds were tied up into that room, that’s all.’ You were starting to speak firmly, and he knew he was getting to you as he scrunched up his face in humorous disbelief.
‘Did you, though? Because from what I heard, he was actually sleeping in your bed the entire two weeks he was with you,’ he told everyone, and the only reason you didn’t get angry was because you were starting to get very confused.
‘Where did you hear that?’ you demanded to know, but he wasn't done talking.
‘Along with that, apparently you were also there when he signed the deed to his house, as well as went shopping for a new bed, where the two of you not only came but also left together to head to said house as soon as it was in working order,’ he listed loudly just so no one would miss it, a photo to prove each point landing in front of you as cruel reminders, and you made a grab for the notebook on pure instinct as he laughed and jumped back, holding it out of your reach.
‘Would you two please control yourselves? Is everything he said true? Remember that you’re under oath,’ the Judge asked you very seriously, and you looked around in a growing panic before your eyes landed on Harley; all at once you recognized him, he’d been one of the workers who’d helped you load up his car that day, your focus purely on the frame to the point where he’d been practically invisible to you at the time.
‘Yeah, yeah it’s true,’ you admitted, and Rita looked furious in her belief that she was being proven right. ‘He slept in my bed because the couch hurt his back too much, so I took it instead in the meantime, and we went shopping together because he’s incredibly indecisive and needed a second opinion. I helped him with his house because it was disgustingly dirty from being empty for so long, and it would’ve taken him ages to clean it up alone despite the size.
‘Every single thing you’ve said has just reaffirmed that I’ve been helping my friend where everyone else had left him high and dry, there’s absolutely nothing you can take away from that and the fact that I have never once made any sort of move on him, not in my own home and certainly not in either of his. Lester is my friend, I’m here today to support him while he tries to get his kids back in his life, and I don’t see how any of this is going to reach that if we keep messing around on this false accusation!’ You quickly lowered your voice when Annie stirred again, a few hushes and leg bounces lulling her back to sleep as she held her grandmother tight, but Matt didn’t look dissuaded by your speech, in fact, he looked like he’d finally gotten you as he held up the final photo but didn’t show you.
‘Could you please read out your last conversation with Mr. Billings to the court, please?’ he asked calmly, and your anger turned to panic as Gwen silently asked what he meant to Lester out of the corner of your eye.
‘What?’
‘Could you please read-’
‘I know what you said, but why?’ you asked uneasily, and he sighed before turning to the Judge.
‘Please follow the request,’ she ordered, and you sucked in an unsteady breath as you unlocked your phone and went to his chat.
‘You know he brought me screenshots, don’t make me use them instead,’ Matt muttered under his breath, and you didn’t even have to ask to know that it was because you’d left you car unlocked, giving your tail the perfect opportunity to take pictures of your messages after seeing Lester send them only for you to arrive shortly after the night before.
‘I can’t,’ you told him as you stared at the words, it would all be taken the wrong way, and he took your phone from you without a fight before handing it to the Judge.
‘“I miss you,”’ she read aloud, and Gwen put her head in her hand as Lester stood, the Judge reading the rest while Rita’s side of the room started whispering again. ‘“I can’t sleep, can you come over?” These speak for themselves, what do you have to say about them?’
You couldn’t get a single word out as your phone was handed back to you, but you needed to try before everything you’d just said was thrown out the window. ‘He was stressed, he couldn’t sleep, nothing happened,’ you explained weakly, Matt already on top of it as he held his page a little tighter.
‘The second the door opened you were in his arms,’ he let everyone know, and you shook your head when that wasn't the photo he wanted to share.
‘We’d had a fight before he left, a misunderstanding, he just missed me,’ you tried to say, and that’s when he struck, the image of the two of you lying in bed together fully selling the lie. ‘These were taken without our consent,’ you mumbled, but it was too late, Harley had been there, he’d seen everything from the start, this was just the icing on the cake of the lie to everyone.
‘Caught in bed, that doesn’t look very platonic to me, see he’s even got his arm around your waist for real this time.’ Matt was on Cloud 9 as he spoke, the Judge agreeing and completely convinced that there was something going on after all.
‘He couldn’t sleep,’ you repeated softly, and as if to add insult to injury, he finally brought out the phone from the envelope over from the table.
‘Last chance to tell the truth,’ he offered, and something in you snapped as your entire body went stiff.
‘Oh fuck off Matt,’ you snarled, a slap to the desk your warning since the gavel was too loud, and he gave you another fake sigh before pulling up the phone’s gallery. He turned up the volume and turned the screen to the Judge, and it was dark and a little shaky but the sound still filled the large and empty room with ease.
‘I love you.’
Lester’s voice from last night bounced off every corner until it was impossible to ignore, and Matt played the clip again just to be sure.
‘I love you.’
‘So much for platonic,’ he figured as he played it again for good measure, and the Judge took the phone to make sure that yes, that was the two of you in the video as well as his voice through the speaker behind the cicadas and crickets that conveniently blocked out the next part where he called you his friend. ‘And are those tears when you roll over at the end? Guess the guilt of destroying a family can do that to you, yikes… Your Honour, if you could now swipe to the right you’ll find them the next morning as well,’ he told her, and you just barely saw footage of you two hugging in the doorway, the camera perfectly catching his kiss to your forehead before you wrapped your arms around him; it cut off just in time to make your hug look like a real kiss despite your face never leaving his chest in reality, and your frustration and helplessness at what you’d done to him bubbled up and overflowed until you felt a hot streak fall down your cheek.
‘I knew it, how dare you stand up there and lie to everyone, you ruined my marriage!’ Rita yelled as you gripped the wood until your hands hurt, her outburst finally enough to wake up Annie as she started crying along with you. She was inconsolable, her grandparents unable to calm her as Rita rubbed her eyes, her own anger at this whole situation going in circles until she was ultimately proven right also overflowing as she banged her hand off the table. ‘Can you please just take her outside, mom?’
‘Please, let me,’ Lester suddenly said, his first words in what felt like ages, and he didn’t wait for permission as he crossed over to the other side of the courtroom to reach for his baby girl. ‘Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay, I’m here,’ he whispered softly as he took her from her grandmother’s arms, and she blinked through her tears as she reached up to touch his face, ‘it’s just me, it’s your daddy, it’s me.’ Her crying calmed as she recognized him in her childish sorrow, her small voice confirming that it was indeed her father before she curled against him and held on tight.
The room went silent as he kept hushing her, his arm bouncing slightly until her crying ceased completely, and when she started to fall back asleep again he couldn’t stop his own tears from falling as he kissed her head and breathed in deep. ‘Alright, she’s going home, just gi-’
‘Let me hold her, please,’ he begged immediately, cutting Rita off and holding his daughter away when she reached out to take her. ‘It’s been two months, just please let me hold my daughter for a little while longer…’ Rita backed down, Matt scoffing at the wasted time as Lester gave Annie another kiss, and even though it physically pained him to let go he eventually did; her grandmother took her back before they both left, Lester not fully breaking until the doors had closed and there was no risk of waking her, an awkward but also sad air filling the room as his friends finally saw what they’d done to him.
‘Can we get back to this, if you don’t mind?’ Matt asked from the floor, but Lester was done, he’d just had to give away his little girl after watching his only friend be torn apart in front of him, and he was done.
‘No, because I do mind,’ he told him as he turned, his cheeks wet but his eyes deathly serious as he approached the stand. ‘I’m sick of everyone trying to tell me what I did, what happened when I was there, and I won’t let this go any further. I asked them to come over, and we did lay in bed together, but only because I’ve been coming to terms with the fact that I can’t do this alone, not because I cheated on you, Rita. No matter how you interpreted my actions, I know what my intentions were, and they were never to be disloyal to you.
‘I’ve loved you ever since we were teenagers, and I was ready to spend the rest of my life with you, but I can see now that we married too soon, and that no matter how much I love you and my children, it will never be enough to fix what you’ve broken. I know I scared you, I was afraid myself, that night, and I don’t care if you can never forgive me for it, but don’t punish me for something I didn’t do by convincing yourself that I’m a monster.’ He stopped to take a breath, everyone silent as Matt leaned against his table and waited impatiently for this to end, and you couldn’t stay there any longer until he turned to speak to you and instantly froze you. ‘You’ve been nothing but good to me since we met, and I’m so sorry I dragged you into all of this.’
‘I’m the one who ruined your marriage,’ you murmured miserably, and he shook his head before turning back to Rita.
‘No, you ruined our marriage the moment you stopped trusting me and broke our vows,’ he told her, and for the first time she looked almost regretful of her actions. ‘You can have the divorce, spending these past two months without you has taught me that maybe this has been a long time coming, and I didn’t lie, I never cheated on you and never intended to, but… these two months have also told me that I don’t have to walk out of here with nothing even if they rule in your favour.’ He glanced back to you for just a moment, and you swore he might actually be in love before he focused on the Judge. ‘I know all of what you just heard and saw was taken horribly out of context, and… and maybe my intentions have changed over time, but I’m not a liar, and I would never harm my children, you have to believe that, Your Honour.’
‘Oh, I believe it,’ she agreed after watching him calm his crying baby with ease before baring his soul to everyone. ‘We might’ve gotten off track there for a while, I apologize for letting that go on for as long as I did, but it’s very clear to me that despite the multiple errors in judgment on pretty much everyone in this room’s part, it wouldn’t be a fair ruling to let you walk out of here without custody.’ She smacked the gavel now that Annie was away, and Lester’s legs nearly failed him as he smiled in pure relief. ‘Temporary full custody will remain with Ms. Rothschild while you finish your new residence, and when the house is furnished and ready to house the children, we’ll meet up again to go over things and discuss how often they’ll stay with the both of you.’
‘Thank you, thank you so much,’ Lester sobbed joyfully before he crashed into the partition gate, and you and Gwen rushed to him to help him remain standing long enough to get to a seat. Matt swore to himself as Rita kept her distance, their friends deciding to make amends as they walked over to him and apologized, they’d spread the word that Rita had been wrong, and he couldn’t seem to stop crying as he smiled until his cheeks surely hurt just as much as yours did.
Another month went by as summer finally gave way to fall, and Halloween decorations started to fill the streets as you drove through the neighbourhood. Four pumpkins were strapped into your seats and made the car smell nice as you drove, the familiar way to Lester’s home engraved in your mind until you were pulling into the driveway behind him. You left the car unlocked as you ran up to the door to knock, and it was clear he’d seen you through the kitchen window as the door swung open to reveal him standing there in the most dad-themed apron you’d ever seen; it was of another man with a very chiseled stomach, something of which you assumed he didn’t have based on the few glimpses you’d gotten when he’d stayed with you, and you raised an eyebrow at him as he went in for a hug.
‘It’s incentive to keep to my new diet, since you helped the last one fail so many times,’ he joked before pulling you to his chest, and you kept it to yourself that you didn’t mind how he looked as you hugged him back.
‘You’re a grown man, you could’ve always said no,’ you reminded him as you headed back for the car, Lester following after setting down the dish towel he was still holding. You grabbed a pumpkin each and brought them to the dining room, or the small section of room he considered a dining room since technically his kitchen and living room were openly connected.
‘Shaun’s gunna love this one, I can already tell- where’s the fifth?’ he asked when you shut the door, and you looked around for it too in confusion.
‘Fifth?’
‘You’re spending Halloween with us, right? You’re not gunna make me hand out candy with just Annie, are you?’ he asked disappointedly, and you fought the oncoming blush as you looked at the four pumpkins on the table, the last one being baby-sized just for Annie to scribble on instead of carve. ‘There’s a new Stephen King movie coming out that Deni was really excited to share with us, please tell me you aren’t gunna skip out on that one?’
‘I just assumed you’d wanna spend time with your family, since Rita did agree to the whole week just for this,’ you muttered nervously, and the hand he placed on your arm was warm and comforting as he gave you another almost loving look.
‘I think we can consider you a part of the family, especially after everything you did for us,’ he told you honestly, but you still weren’t entirely convinced you could join this part of his life now that you knew you might have a chance at a more permanent friendship with him. ‘Here, I ordered a bunch of food for tonight from that pizza place we used to visit a bunch while I was staying with you, if you go grab it I’ll pay for your pumpkin if you can find one in the next… 27 minutes,’ he offered, and you realized his hand was still on you as it then moved to your hand to hold your palm up to accept his wallet.
‘It takes 13 to get to the pumpkin patch,’ you told him, and he just shrugged before letting you go.
‘Better hurry then, don’t wanna be left out when we’re all sitting here carving pumpkins and eating pizza,’ he tempted you, and when you looked down at the table and imagined it you realized you wanted nothing more than to be a part of that. ‘And, since Rita doesn’t get here til 7, I think it might be nice to just spend some time alone with you, just the two of us, like before… I don’t get to see you as often now that your Thursdays are all booked up,’ he admitted shyly, and your heart pounded when he rubbed at his neck and you finally noticed that he’d taken his wedding ring off now that the divorce was officially and mutually underway.
‘You could come with me, we could maybe check out the Halloween displays at Walkers for a little extra decoration ideas, your house is honestly lacking compared to your neighbours,’ you suggested calmly, and his smile was back to normal as he stripped off his apron and tossed it over the arm of your second couch that so perfectly fit against the living room wall across from his TV, the photo of his kids so far the only other decoration on the stand.
‘I think I could go for some Caramel Pecan cheesecake, if I’m honest, you made me like it a bit more than the Chocolate Fudge Supreme,’ he whispered scandalously as you both headed out the door, and this time you did lean into him a little when his hand found the small of your back on the way to the car.
#Ray's Headcanons#Ray's Requests#david dastmalchian#Lester Billings#Lester Billings x reader#I had SO much fun writing Matty's scene it's like a little treat me for each time since I only work on LtF a few days a week now
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Where Have I Been?
hello lovelies. so, I started the challenege, did one day, and all of a sudden I feel off the face of the earth. I fell into a bit of a depression, and while I've managed to pull myself out, life has been busy busy busy! This is probably the 2nd busiest week of the year (the 1st will be in August, and you'll find out why). Here's an update on life:
I fly to Colorado on the 16th, so....under 5 days now. I haven't packed or anything yet, but I plan on doing that either tomorrow or Thursday. And I have to clean and prepack for when I return because....
I signed a new lease for a new place to live! I'll have roommates who I haven't met yet (I'm taking over someone lease, actually), but my lease starts August 18th. I return from Colorado on the 14th of August, so....I'm going to be very busy once I return.
I decided to call it quits on getting a 2nd job. It's going to mess up the schedule with my first job, and it would only make me 200$ more a month, which I'm not worried about missing our on since I'll still sell stuff on depop once I return from Colorado and I'm going full time at my current job.
I've gone out to lunch with my dad a few times as well, it's been really nice hanging out with him and spending time with my dad. I lucked out in the dad department and spending time with him is one of my favorite things!
I've been debating going to San Fransisco in October for an XG concert, but I don't know if I'll have the money or ability to anymore. (thank you new apartment and all those fees and expenses!)
my anxiety has been terrible. I haven't changed anything about what I do, but I did squish a lot of anxiety inducing things into the span of two weeks, which....my bad on that. Now I know, don't do that to myself.
I bought new makeup! The juvias place bronzer, charlotte tillbury setting spray, nyx eyebrow stuff, and blush, ughhh I love buying new makeup, I just wish it didn't cost money!
I've gotten better at doing my makeup! I've had people not even notice I'm wearing it because it looks natural despite being like, a full face! Thank you perfect color matches on my skin tint, foundation, and concealors!
I went to two movies with a friend. We saw the new Strangers: Chapter One and the Planet of the Apes movie. Both were definitely good, in my opinion.
I now have to plan with my boyfriend for when he needs to come down here and get his stuff and work out changing the utilities to our roommates name since I'm leaving. I don't feel like it should be my job to coordinate that, but oh well. I guess it's too hard for him and his best friend (my roommate) to call each other for once?? Ugh, men get on my nerves sometimes.
I need to ask my dad and a friend to help me move upon my return, which also means I won't be able to work that weekend, which kind of sucks.
I need to declutter my room and start throwing away things I don't want or need anymore this week to make it easier on myself when I return from Colorado but hahaha I procrastinate a lot.
I'm stressed about paying rent. I'll have to pay rent for here and rent/fees for the new place before august and then September's rent for the new place, and my new rent is about double what I pay now. so yayy, adulting and finances. I don't feel qualified to be an adult, but here I am, age 21, an adult.
That's about it for now! Lots of stress, lots of anxiety, lots of stuff happening super close together. But that's life, I guess. Forgive me for my absence from my blogs. I also stopped studying spanish for now, and my routines are non-existent. Colorado will change that, tho, for sure. I do plan on updating a little more frequently once things settle down when I'm in Colorado. but for now, it'll be kinda here and there with my posting.
thank you for all the patience and kindness, lovelies. til next time 🩷
#pink pilates girl#pink pilates princess#self development#wonyoungism#it girl#mental health#self care#that girl#physical health#self love#pink academia#pinkcore#pink aesthetic#pink#pilates aesthetic#clean girl aesthetic#clean girl#green juice girl#that girl energy#becoming that girl#it girl self care#it girl energy#studyblr#uniblr#lifeblr#college student#university student#health and fitness#feminine energy#daily routine
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5 Questions I've been pondering since reading the Parade mag article on JL
A couple weeks ago, I shared an article in Parade magazine that came out in early 2023 featuring John Larroquette. In the interview, they covered a lot of new info, in addition to promoting the new Night Court series, which was set to premiere its 1st season when the article was published.
Ever since reading that interview, I've had a few thoughts and a few questions that have stayed with me. And now I feel like the only way to exorcise these thoughts and questions from my mind is to share them here:
It seems like John and Elizabeth, his wife, relocated from California to southern Washington state shortly after the filming on The Librarians wrapped in 2017. (The article mentions they moved there 5 years ago, and 2023 minus 5 is 2018.) My question: Did they plan to move there regardless of whether or not the show got picked up for a 5th season? I know it's none of my business, and I can see JL fitting in with the area -- it is beautiful up there -- but I'm just curious was it to be closer to his then-job? Or was it just a new found appreciation for the Pacific Northwest?
In the article, he mentions a lot of his former cast mates had passed away over the years, including Harry Anderson, Charles Robinson, Markie Post, and Kirstie Alley. I can't help but notice that he once again didn't mention Richard Moss. My question: Does anyone know the story behind the two of them falling out? Is it mentioned anywhere? Or is it just hearsay? Why didn't they get along? I ask because I was/am a fan of them both, and it kind of sucks that they never reconciled before Richard passed away. [Upon re-reading this, I remembered that Richard was still alive when JL did that interview, so it makes sense that he didn't mention him in that context. But I still have those questions because I'm nosey. 😉]
They described how JL likes to spend his free time at home, and much of what they mentioned matches what we've heard in the past. But they also claimed that John likes to narrate plays in his home recording studio. My question: Is he narrating these for fun? Or is it for a job that he's been hired to do? And if it's the latter, are these audio recordings for sale? And if they are, where can we buy them?
He mentions his kids during the interview: Lisa, Jonathan and Ben. I know he worked with Ben on The John Larroquette Show when he was just 9 or 10 years old. And he's "technically" working with him now on the new Night Court. And he's worked with Jonathan on one of the McBride movies. I think Jonathan worked on the music for McBride: Requiem, which incidentally is my favorite of the McBride films. My question: Has he ever had an opportunity to work with his daughter Lisa? And if so, was it on an acting project that he was a part of like he did with his sons? I know she's a graphic designer, so that might be a little different than bringing on your sons to act or create music, but it would be nice to know if he's invited her to work with him in the past as well.
He acknowledged that he's lived a long and successful life for someone who grew up where he did and the culture he grew up in. I love these little tidbits and glimpses into his life, but of course, it begs My final question: Has anyone ever talked to him about writing an autobiography? Or would he ever consider someone else writing his biography for him?
OK. That's it.
Now my brain can return to its regularly scheduled program.
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Incoming rant about The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, Herlock Sholmes from The Great Ace Attorney, and the BBC Sherlock (no major spoilers ahead I promise).
A preface before I begin; I was never a big fan of Sherlock Holmes or any adaptation of the stories. I've seen Elementary although I was very young so I only have the vaguest of memories of enjoying it, and my roommate had me watch a couple BBC Sherlock episodes when I was a tween/young teen. My mother claims she tried to get me into Sherlock Holmes but I'm rather skeptical. Anyhow, onto the story.
Back in March my boyfriend bought me the Ace Attorney games for my birthday which included the Great Ace Attorney Chronicles (or Dai Gyakuten Saiban for those who are still stuck on the pre-localization names ;p). I was on my flight home from my birthday trip after I got the news my manager fired my brother while I was out of the state and figured why not, I'd start playing the first TGAA game on the flight. I'd probably enjoy myself and I couldn't sleep.
Second biggest mistake of the year (first biggest was trusting Les Schwab to do my brake job). I. Was. Hooked. I played the first case and fell in love with Kazuma instantly (he's so Zero shaped!). I played the second case and realized that calling him Zero shaped was way too accurate. We all know what happened there. Most important to this rant, I met Herlock Sholmes (more on my opinions on him later). I could barely put the game down but I had to take a break due to finding a new job and getting adjusted. I ended up finishing the game in June or July, one of the two. I finished the final case of the first game in one long 12 hour gaming session it was that good (my back didn't thank me though).
Now, the man of the hour: Herlock Sholmes. I didn't think much of him initially. He was simultaneously charming and annoying in the second case but as I played more he grew on me. I cried when the start of 1-5 happened. He clawed his way up into like the top 7 favorite characters at the time. The ending of the game with him playing his violin made me bawl my eyes out. I. Loved. This. Game.
It took a few more months to start and finish the second game. In between Adventures and Resolve I played Skyward Sword, Minish Cap, and some others so I had a healthy break. I came back to play Resolve and finished it like two months ago. It hit me in the gut just as hard as the first game did although there are a great many things I'd tweak and do differently. But Herlock Sholmes... man, he's not my favorite but he's up there underneath Kazuma and Van Zieks.
Anyhow, I finished the game but the hyperfixation had started and would not let me go. I've never been one to go out and seek fanfiction due to... personal stuff but I had a feeling I didn't want to go probe the depths of AO3 yet for fear of crying. I started a graveyard shift at my job which severely limited my ability to talk with people about stuff and also there's so many major spoilers but very few people I knew had played the game. A thought occurred to me, however. What about Sherlock Holmes audiobooks? I have an auditory processing issue which has made listening to audiobooks hard but I decided to give it a go. Perhaps it would satiate the TGAA hyperfixation hunger.
I found the ones produced by Magpie Audio, expertly narrated by Greg Wagland. Go check him out, he has over 77 videos of Sherlock Holmes audiobook recordings and all of them are a minimum of 40 minutes, often times far more. I went through over 30 hours of audiobook in a few weeks listening to these. Sherlock Holmes is such a good character and I can understand how and why he took late Victorian England by storm. And you know what the best part is?
Herlock Sholmes is the most faithful adaptation I have personally seen as a character of the original Sherlock Holmes.
They got so many of Sherlock's little idiosyncrasies right and you can tell the entire team were genuine fans of the books. I listened to Mr. Wagland's narration *and I saw 221B Baker of the games*. Especially the jack knife impaling the communications to the mantle being referenced in the game? The sheer mess of the flat? It's so good!
My roommate (whom is also a Sherlock Holmes fan) noticed my newest hyper fixation that spawned off of TGAA and that reignited his Sherlock Holmes obsession. He was a fan of the BBC Sherlock and now recognizes it was not a very great show but it's a comfort media for him nonetheless. He just dragged me into rewatching it and... okay, it's playing into a lot of inaccurate Sherlock tropes I don't like but goddamn Martin Freeman carries the whole show. I love his John Watson because it feels like a reasonable version of a modern, younger Watson. He feels real in a way. I do like the fact that even in the first episode, it's established that John and Sherlock can make each other laugh and smile just like in the books. I don't forgive them calling Sherlock a sociopath, however (speaking as someone with a brother that has been diagnosed with being a high-fuctioning sociopath). He's AuDHD to the max and deserves recognition in that department.
All of this to say, I can trace my current Sherlock hyperfixation back to Mega Man. Finding Mega Man in 4th grade led to watching the Ace Attorney anime in late 2021 which led to playing The Great Ace Attorney and that led to listening to Sherlock Holmes. I don't know why I decided to make this post but maybe I might start live blogging this shit? All in all, this is going to be a wild ride.
#tumblr ate the first half of the original post so i had to rewrite my sleep deprived ramblings#feel like i talked too much#fuck it this is my own blog#my blog my rules#bbc sherlock#sherlock holmes#herlock sholmes#the great ace attorney#tgaa#dai gyakuten saiban#dgs#ace attorney#sunchaser rambles
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WIP Wednesday
Holy shit, it's actually on a Wednesday this time?
I really wanted to do one of these this week since I've gone a bit rabid on a few WIPs.
I'll post a little bit about each of those WIPs later, some snippets and a blurb about why I'm so excited. But first! Folks to tag! Since I'm so excited for these, I'm gonna tag a lot this time.
If you have anything you want to share WIP writing-wise, please do... @quitefair @bottombatch @siyurikspakvariisis @causticcontemplation @jasminethetransvampire @underworldobsessed @assarivanguard @amorficzna @funwithnix @askweisswolf @linka-from-captain-planet @tief4tief
If you don't want to do this, or have nothing you want to share, feel free to ignore. If anyone else wants to do this, please feel free to consider yourself tagged. Now, onto my obsessions.
WIP 1: New chapter of Nightsongs
After spending some chapters in a kind of angst zone after the relatively light (relatively) first 4-5 chapters, this next chapter is going to be a kind of upswing. There's lots left to do with the AU, so I'm expecting to chug along and write more and more as time permits.
This AU is a lot for me to handle, especially after having so many chapters ready to post and then... falling way behind on writing the chapters afterwards. But it's fanfiction, and we're having fun here. So, who cares? The game's fandom heyday is already over, so at this point I'm just writing whatever feels best to me.
This chapter is mostly done, I think. I'm giving it a few days/a week to sit before I go back to edit it with fresher eyes. Also, we return to Ash's POV!
Lae’zel walked into Ash’s back office without a word on the seventh day and Ash nodded her way without looking up. Papers sat in strewn piles all over the desk, a handful of old incident reports and assessments that still needed working for Wulbren’s accountants. The absolute worst part of the job remained for the year – paperwork – and Ash intended to get them caught up in the hours that remained of her day. It was a useful, meaningful task. It gave her something else to think about. Anything other than green eyes. “We should talk,” Lae’zel said, sitting down without being offered one of the folding chairs in front of the desk. “Aren’t we doing that?” Ash scanned the paper in front of her and quickly jotted down her signature. [...] “You begin working on a van,” Lae’zel said matter-of-factly, counting off on her fingers as she spoke. “You talk to a pretty girl. You suddenly work more often on that van. Then, you disappear inside yourself and act bitter all day because suddenly the girl no longer shows up. There is more to it than you say.” “I think this might be the first time you’ve spoken more than five words to me, you know that?” Ash chuckled. “Am I that obvious?”
WIP 2: New chapter of Blades in the Night
The need to write more plot for this has been burrowing in my skull for a long time. I initially stopped myself from writing too much of it because I wanted to do Nightsongs first in its entirety before getting to this, but I think I'm just too impatient for that.
I also love the fact that this fic turned from a simple PWP one-shot into this much more expansive, plotty story that's now pretty important for what I want to do with my babies post-canon. Something about that makes me smile.
Plus, you know how I've been lamenting my inability to write happy endings for certain characters?
Either way, this isn't really complete, but the hardest part is complete and now I just have to start connecting the dots and filling in the blanks. I'd say it's about a third done?
The room filled with the same aura of a distant gaze leveled their way that Shadowheart had felt back in the cloister. Asheera had made an oath to protect Shadowheart then, and the flooding of a dense, real presence had nearly swallowed her whole in the cloister's barracks. A weight of importance sunk down on her shoulders there in Hobb's Hovel as well. A smell like molten metal cooling lilted in the air with a lingering, acrid tang. It tasted of blood in Shadowheart's mouth, as if the forging was tainted with some other foul presence in the mixture. [...] Little could have compared better to that feeling of a weight lifted from her shoulders. Worry disappeared and gave way to earnest joy in Shadowheart, and she thrived on it. She hadn't felt such keen happiness since she'd been so readily accepted into Asheera's family by her parents.
WIP 3: Gauntlet of Shar fic
Wow, I know! I've been talking about writing this fic for so long that it's almost become a sort of mythical never-to-be-slain beast for me. I'm not normally someone that talks about my ideas too often, I just write them before they can flee me.
I tend to also get in my own head about what I "should" be writing in the first place. Frankly, I'm getting kinda tired of writing so many ships, though fear not - I'll still have ideas that can only work with ships that aren't Shadowheart/Asheera. It's just that, for a while, I want to focus back on my loves.
This fic is one of those that I've wanted to finish for months. I know that at this point in the fandom's life cycle, I'm pretty much writing just for the dedicated, lovely folks that still read my stuff and I'm extremely happy to have y'all around! Maybe this will make Light Casts a Shadow ring a little more true for some, maybe it will be just another fic that I post, who knows.
Also, one thing I'm planning on experimenting with for this fic is alternate endings for Fun. This is a fic where the ending hinges on choices that Shadowheart makes in the game, so it's only fitting that I explore what would happen if she made those other choices.
But anywho, enough blabbing. Excerpt time!
Those touches and more, Asheera cherished. She watched in silence as Shadowheart turned her devotions to each of those tasks. Perhaps it was the nature of clerics to give themselves entirely to seemingly mundane tasks much the same Asheera felt compelled to consider her oaths in nearly every conversation, battle, or even moments like Shadowheart carefully buckling a cuisse to her leg with straps of leather at the backs of Asheera's knees. Fingertips trailed against her clothed skin, and Shadowheart stood up once more. "There," she said, "all's taken care of, then. Tell me, how's my handiwork? Be honest. I can handle the criticism." Asheera brought her balled fist to her chest in an arm curl. She flexed the elbow out and tested her shoulders, knees, ankles, and hips for motion. None of the plates caught on one another, and none of the straps across her hands, arms, knees, or chest restricted her. "Perfect," Asheera said at last. "Marvelous work." Shadowheart offered a quick smile. "I'll take a Gondian's compliment on such things any day." "Can't say I would've done a better job." "Ah, there's the honesty I was waiting for. Truly, where would you be without me?"
#random rambling about writing#bg3#shadowheart#shadowtav#shadowheart x tav#oc: asheera#my fic#nightsongs au#amongst other things................
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last twilight ep 5 thoughts feelings etc.
eyy actually watched this earlier and rewatching it, so things should be a little less feral and unhinged. actually took notes my first watch through as well (wtf am i doing)
once again i love how stories are our constant companions in this show. i love how they keep playing with the parallels between worlds, it's one of my absolute favorite things in storytelling.
i love the fact that day is now 'invisible' in the world of badminton but he can still experience all of the joy of the game by supporting his friends. badminton was such a big part of his life and he doesn't have to leave it all behind, he just experiences it a little differently now.
film is so fucking pretty even covered in 'sweat.' i do love the show let her be 'sweaty' and disheveled instead of having perfect hair and make up after what was clearly a hard game. GIVE ME SWEATY WOMEN. (god im so gay)
so i said it last week but the only time we've ever seen mhok be violent is when he's been protecting the people close to him. (his garage bro, porjai x 2, etc) and we see him ready to do it again when august confronts day. there is no doubt in my mind that mhok was fully prepared to bury that bitch for even daring to make day the slightest bit afraid.
and god how scary does that have to be? you can't see, you're already nervous to be here, and suddenly someone is shouting at you - and maybe you don't recognize them at first because you haven't heard their voice in over a year but all you know is they're coming closer and they're so angry. i can't imagine anything scarier than that.
ahh, a broken picture frame representing a broken bond, an absolute classic metaphor. an oldie but a goodie.
once again i love that we see day's rage. anger really is such a big part of coming to terms with being disabled. i got some bad news a few weeks ago about my own disease and i've spent the last few weeks so angry and frustrated and then just sad. it's such a complex journey and the show is doing an absolutely brilliant job of showing that.
i do owe day's family a small smidgen of an apology since day is the one that asked it to be kept a secret, HOWEVER, i do think that conversation should have been revisited after a fucking year. how long were they just going to let him live in isolation? like cool for respecting his agency, not cool for letting him waste away in a tomb of his own making.
FINALLY WE GET MHOK OPENING UP.
so here's the thing with mhok. i love him. no - the real thing is i see so much of myself in him. my friends and family constantly get frustrated with me because i will never tell them when something is wrong or when i'm shouldering a lot of emotions about something. when i got the bad news about my disease i hid in my office and cried at my desk and then cleaned myself up and pretended nothing happened. fuck, i feel like i understand mhok on such a deep level.
not to get too into it but my own habits stem from neglect in my formative years, and i have to wonder if mhok's behavior maybe stems from his isolation in prison? oftentimes people with these behavior patterns will self isolate, either deal with or bury their emotions, and then emerge back into their friend group as if nothing happened. (am i talking about myself again? shhh.) mhok didn't really have a choice - sure you can write letters, have visitors, but a large part of his day was probably handling his grief in solitude. he's probably gotten so good at "handling it" and pushing everything down and dealing with everything in silence that he doesn't know how to handle it any other way now.
to make things worse, it happened over a year ago. he probably feels like he should be "over it" and not make it a big deal. maybe i'm projecting just a smidge (just a lot) but i do think it's something interesting to keep in mind. either way, him finally talking about rung to day is fucking MASSIVE, both for their relationship and mhok's emotional wellbeing.
august is fucking king of mixed signals and i don't super like that he looked for mhok's permission to lead day through the court. why the fuck are you looking at mhok when you could just ask day? if you look closely, as mhok is letting go day curls his fingers around the hand that mhok uses to remove his hand from his arm.
i do love we see mhok pushing day a little more out of his comfort zone as he did in earlier episodes.
porjai is so fucking pretty. is there anything more attractive than a woman in shorts and an oversized band tee? no. no there is not.
and again we see how much time and effort mhok has put into being day's caretaker - and his friend. he did research and learned methods that would make dining out easier for day. i love him so much! i don't know how day could still be thinking about august after that adorable little date.
UGH OKAY SO. HERE'S WHERE WE GET INTO MY BIG FEELINGS.
in my opinion, the theme of this episode has been "being late." here's why.
the boys were very nearly, or were, late to gee's badminton game
you could consider mhok 'late' to tell day about rung
day thinks he's too late to confess to august
mhok realizes he's come into day's life too late to receive his affection
and then we have august's literal late arrival (i still dont know what fucking game this jackass is playing)
this also ties in to a little trend i've been noticing in regards to mhok that oftentimes he's too late in life.
he was too late to save rung, and learned of her death late
he was too late to receive the mechanic job as it had 'already been given to someone else'
he was a late arrival to the interview to become day's caretaker
and again, he's entered day's life too late to receive his affection (or so he thinks)
i genuinely don't know if this is intentional, but i think it's something interesting to draw connections to.
anyway, again, i dont know what the fuck august's deal is but i can tell you if i was day i'd be getting over my feelings for him real fucking quick. i don't super like that august shows up, hears about day's feelings, and asks mhok to keep his being there a secret - but i do understand it and i do understand mhok's side of things. i don't think he does it out of his own selfishness, i think rather he realizes august likely doesn't return day's affection and letting him think august didn't show up is possibly the kinder of the two scenarios. (my only hope is we don't see august return and try to woo day or something later with this knowledge)
i do love that mhok stayed. he was concerned and it might seem a little overbearing but day was clearly nervous for this outing and all in all it's good that he stayed. and then he made sure to salvage the evening for day and take him out on a proper date. maybe it's not the date day wanted but it looks like he had a great time (perhaps even a better time) spending a day with someone he could relax and be himself around.
flowers have so many different meanings across cultures and tbh i'm far to tired to dig into the thai meaning of hydrangeas (if there are any) but i do think hydrangeas are neat. this is prob common knowledge but the color of hydrangea petals is determined by the ph balance in the soil they're grown in. (blue hydrangeas grow in soil with a ph balance of 5.2-5.5, far more in the base range than red hydrangeas that grow in a ph balance of 6.0-6.2, and once the soil reaches acidic levels it tends to produce pink flowers) i guess maybe if you wanted you could draw a connection to how malleable mhok is becoming and how his environment is changing him.
scientifically, sunflowers are also an interesting flower because they are often used to heal damaged and irradiated soil. they're so fucking resilient and help heal the world around them. i think there's a lot of connections we can make there with both mhok and day, regardless of flower symbolism and going purely on science.
anyway sorry to be a science nerd.
that's all ive really got for this episode, i say, as if i have not written you all a novel. this show continues to make me feel so much and tickle my brain in such a delightful way. between this and moonlight chicken p'aof has definitely made me a fan for life.
tag loves: @benkaaoi | @callipigio | @lookwhatihave (once again pls always feel free to lmk if you want to be added or removed)
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