#I've also cleaned my inbox out cause that wasn't helping

[starvingtongue]

peaks in here

[captain-mj]

Ghost comes from a Selkie family, he helps Tommy get away from a forced marriage with his drug dealer and helps him meet Mary (I think thats her name?) anyway, au where nobody dies. Ghost is freaking out cause Tommy is thinking of giving Mary his coat and he's worried his brother is gonna get taken advantage of. Cut to Soap calming him down, and making him think through this whole thing.

(Mary married Tommy and had Joseph, but Tommy didn't give her his coat because he willingly gave his drug dealer his coat (manipulation happened). Mary knows all this and understands, but Tommy wants to still give her his coat)

dhasalksla Sorry if that's a lot, I just kinda wanted to experiment with a Selkie!Ghost au. Do whatever you wish with this mess of thoughts -X

I left this in my inbox for a while because I really liked it, but never knew exactly where to go with it. I think I've decided how though and I know its late, but hope you see this and like it! oh, his wife's name in the comics is Beth so I used Mary for the drug dealer

Ghost remembered that day viscerally. Tommy had finally admitted to him that he had a problem. He had held on to him and through sobs told him that he didn't want to be an addict anymore. Simon had been insistent on helping him.

They had both sorely misunderstood how cruel Tommy's dealer would be. Unlike Jason, who Simon knew since childhood, this woman was new. Tommy trusted her. Had given her his coat after she had given him free coke. He admitted it wasn't smart, but he trusted her. Wanted to spend the rest of their lives together.

First time Simon could remember pummeling a woman into the ground, but finding Tommy shaken and sick, forced to take things after he finally managed to stay sober a week, well. Gender doesn't matter very much then does it?

His only regret, to this day, was not killing her. But she went to jail and disappeared off the face of the earth and that was what was most important.

When Tommy asked to speak to him while he was on leave, he didn't think much of it. He assumed he was going to be begged to babysit (he'd do it willingly), pulled it some scheme for him to surprise Beth with something (he would tell her immediately and they'd pretend for Tommy's sake) or asked some other inane thing. Soap tagged along and he texted Tommy to ask if that was okay.

"Sure! He might be good actually."

Simon hummed. Something with fireworks maybe? Tommy knew Johnny was experienced with explosions.

They arrived early and still somehow arrived later than Tommy.

"Must be something big if you managed to not be late." Simon joked, sitting across from him.

Tommy smiled, though it seemed off. He really was the epitome of what people thought selkies would look like. Fair skin, blond hair, giant sad eyes. Personally, he didn't really see the 'mystically beautiful' part but maybe that was because he was his brother. According to Soap, Simon definitely looked better than any human, but he also believed that was just Soap flattering him.

"You okay?" Simon frowned.

"Yeah. Let's order first and then we'll talk." Tommy fiddled with the menu, sorta scratching at it.

Oh that didn't sound good. "Everything okay? Is Joseph alright?"

He laughed softly. "No, nothing like that Simon. Don't worry..." He tapped his fingers on the table. "I want to give Beth my coat."

The air left the room. Soap's hand was suddenly on his thighs, holding him tight as everything spiraled around them.

"Why?" Simon choked out.

"Because... I... I don't know. I still go to the sea sometimes. Seal out." Tommy grins at the stupid joke they'd been making since they were kids. "But... I want to trust her with this. For me."

"Did she ask? I swear if she pre-"

"Simon. I appreciate it. But no. Beth would... She's perfect, Simon. I've seen her touch it. I know she's felt the pull and she just... Wasn't even tempted. Just put it around me and told me she had cleaned it." Tommy looked so soft as he thought of it. "I want her to wear it. I want to share this part of myself. Its like you and Soap."

"Soap was an accident."

Johnny made an upset noise next to him.

"One I am very, very happy for, but I would've wanted some courting and I..."

Soap squeezed his hand. "I know, I know. Just teasing. But how is it any different for them?"

"What if we got it wrong? What if Beth is like... her?"

The silence stretches out. Johnny realizes he doesn't know something, eyes darting back and forth between them. Tommy decides to explain.

"Her name was Mary. Did some fucked up stuff after I gave her my coat. But Beth isn't like that."

"how do we know?"

"I guess we can't know for sure until she wears it." Johnny smiled at Tommy, clearly on his side.

Simon glared at him. The traitor.

"Exactly. I wanted to tell you before I did. Didn't want you freaking out."

"Fuck off."

"I'm serious!"

Ghost shook his head. "What if..."

"If she hurts me, I have you guys." Tommy answered softly.

Ghost looked miserable, going quiet.

Soap turned to Tommy. "He'll come around."

"No I won't."

"Simon." Soap hit his shoulder. "Anyway. If you think you want to do this, we'll support you. Just... maybe text us so we can conveniently come by and make sure everything is okay."

Tommy nodded. "Thanks Soap." He reached over and lightly hit his shoulder before getting up. "Love you, dude."

"Love you too Tommy..." Simon mumbled out.

His phone was set at top volume. When the text came a day later, he almost jumped out of his skin with desperation to go see them right now.

Soap grabbed his hand. "Love. Give them a little time, yeah?"

"But if she has it..."

"You trust Beth, don't you?"

"Yes..."

"She gave birth to Joseph and she's been nothing but a good parent to him. A good wife to Tommy. Right?"

"Yes..." Simon groaned. He did trust her. If it was his life on the line, his body, his sanity, he'd trust her. But it wasn't his. It was Tommy's and that was a lot harder to stomach.

Soap rubbed his back. "An hour and we'll visit, okay?"

Simon nodded, bouncing his leg. Johnny kissed his cheek, his lips, along his nose. He tried to distract him, but it was no use. Simon was wound up like a top.

When the hour passed, Johnny reluctantly let them both get dressed and go. Simon was a little calmer now. He hadn't gotten a frantic scared call from Tommy or Joseph and that must be a good sing.

The door to their home being locked wasn't. Simon almost flipped out before Johnny got a bobby pin out to pick it. Totally not suspicious at all.

They got in and Simon immediately relaxed.

Joseph, the little tyke, had his white coat on. Still baby fur. He had fallen asleep on the chair.

Beth was laying on Tommy's chest, the silvery shimmering coat around her. Both fast asleep as well. Tommy looked fine. Safe. A soft smile on his face.

They were all safe.

[apprenticestanheight]

I've seen some fics of these, but I'll never turn down a coffinshipping fic where Strahm has to patch up Hoffman from when Jill uses the Reverse Bear-Trap on him. It's just sweet to me that although they hate each other, they love each other or are rather obsessed with each other, and yet Strahm would stitch up Hoffman's face... even though Hoffman put Strahm through two deadly traps 😆

Cat and Mouse- Hoffstrahm

Hi!! I am so sorry that this took as long as it did--I swear I meant to do it but stuff gets buried really quickly in my inbox and my track record with object permanence is kind of terrible, which definitely applies to requests as a lot of the time they're left to sit until I work through a backlog.

HOWEVER, this is my second coffinshipping fic and in my saw rewatch I am barely halfway into the second movie so I apologize if their characterizations are at all off, I like to think I've nailed my characterization of Hoffman but I haven't written for Strahm very much so my characterization of him might not be perfect and the same goes for how I've written their interactions.

Fic type- this is some light angst

Warnings- mentions of canon-typical saw violence, murder, and this has been edited but not very well--be wary of spelling and grammatical errors, I wrote this while tired and edited it while also tired.

Peter should probably be putting a gun to Mark Hoffmans head, if he's being honest with himself. He should be holding a gun to Marks head and demanding a confession or some kind of acknowledgement of the crimes he'd committed under the Jigsaw alias, but he's not.

He's not because Mark showed up at his house and gestured to a very gruesome looking wound on the side of his face, and when Mark wordlessly asked Peter to stitch him up, before he could think through his response, Peter was agreeing and grabbing a towel and a first aid kit with a needle and thread inside while instructing Mark to sit on the couch.

And then he was wetting the towel with antiseptic to clean the wound, telling Mark he was getting what he deserved when he flinched away or shouted with his discomfort. And then he was actively helping a serial killer.

He recalls the words that Perez had told him once, just before he'd interviewed Jill Tuck that first time.

"You should be careful," she said. "Especially with mostly unsolved cases like this one, that work ethic of yours can turn into obsession real quick. Hatred for someone might as well be able to turn into obsession with the drop of a hat, Peter, so I'd watch myself. Make sure it wasn't an obsession before I kept on with the case."

At the time, Peter had scoffed at the notion. "I'm not becoming obsessed," he'd told her, even pairing it with a smirk, like a smirk could've been convincing. "And if I am, hatred and obsession will prove to be so dangerous a line to walk that I step away anyway. I know that much--I know when to step away from my work."

But, Peter supposes he should've known that he would know when to step away from his work in all aspects except for whichever one concerned Mark Hoffman, who he felt a deep disdain for and yet wanted to know everything about all at once.

Of course the line blurred whenever Mark looked at him, had been particularly blurry as he stitched up a wound caused by one of Hoffmans so-called enemies, Jill fucking Tuck herself.

"She put a trap on me," Mark explains as Peter finishes the stitches. "That fucking bitch put a goddamned trap on me, claiming it was Johns will and all that other shit."

"I really don't want specifics, Hoffman," Peter says dryly. "You put me into two deadly fucking traps, yeah? I don't need to hear about whichever woman you've made an enemy out of, even if I hate her as much as the next person."

Mark smiles at him. Peter doesn't know if he wants to punch him square in the lips or pull him into a kiss so intense it shocks the air out of their lungs.

"You do realize what I have to do if you let me leave this house not in handcuffs, yeah?"

Peter runs his tongue over his teeth, stands up from the crouching position he'd taken while stitching up Hoffmans wound.

"I do," he says. "You're going to go kill a relatively innocent woman because she followed what I am presuming to be the will of John fuckin' Kramer, who was her murderous ex husband who willingly put innocent people to death. Yeah, I think that's easy enough to follow, Hoffman."

Mark stands, grins at Peter.

"You realize that letting me go means the chase continues?"

Peter shrugs. "You'll slow down one of these days, Hoffman. You serial killers always do. When you do get slow I'll catch you and be the one to put your ass behind bars."

Mark looks to his feet, "I really do wish this could've been different," he says.

Peter forces himself to look at the brown color he'd chosen for his curtains.

"You have fifteen seconds to be down the street and turning the corner before I start chasing you and eventually arrest your ass," he says, feeling conflicted as he speaks.

The simple truth is that Mark Hoffman is a serial killer. The simple truth is the fact that Peter should be putting him into handcuffs and bringing him to the station while he declares the Jigsaw killer caught once and for all.

But, when has their relationship ever been simple, really? Peter cannot pinpoint a moment of simplicity from it's beginning.

So, when Mark nods, bolts out the front door, Peter lets him go. He falls into the couch with a monumentally tired sigh and presses his face into the palm of his hand. A few minutes pass, and he laughs to himself.

He and Mark are in a cat and mouse scenario, and while Peter hates it, he also knows that he wouldn't have it any other way.

[runawaymun]

this might be a little out of the blue, if you ignore it I totally understand, but I've been observing the "salt and light" thing from a distance and I really, really appreciate your posts about the recent developments. I never really had any belief the tag/group would be any different, so I never engaged with it, but it means a lot to know that it's not just me once again left feeling estranged from and ashamed of their faith. it's tiring, but also a little bit invigorating, re-realizing what a few gay Christian stories could mean to someone else in a similar state of mind. so, yeah, thanks for being, ironically, some salt and light!

Hey, thank you so much for dropping this in my inbox. Let's be buds, if you want :)

I was quite certain that there would be some people like this in the tag, but I had been hoping that since it had been presented as a place for Christian writers, then we could all maybe try to coexist and respect each other. I'm used to doing that at church because uh, yeah, reasonable adults can agree to disagree and the tag originally was presented as being a space for Christian writers, not a space for 'clean' content.

I just wish people would be honest. I dislike having to hedge people into saying what they mean. Either you want a moderated safe bubble for you and your pals (which is fine if you do!) or you want to create a community around the shared belief in Christ. They've since created a collection that it seems like they'll be moderating. Since their original intent seems to apparently have been to exclude queer Christians from the beginning, I am not sure why this wasn't their go-to option (and why they didn't just say so. It takes one honest, clear sentence on your pinned post. One honest clear sentence to say "If you're a writer whose art is impacted by your theology, whose beliefs come through your fingertips, who believes in a narrative where hope and love and light triumph, then tag away. Unless you're queer or your characters are.")

And...yeah...estranged and ashamed is 100% the feeling. I am just so sad that within like, 48 hours, the phrase "salt and light" has escaped containment to become somewhat synonymous with homophobia. I've seen some people outside the community discussing it independently and the general terms seem to be at large "uh it's Christian and homophobic ig??" which is just...so....frustrating. Because that's the exact opposite of what Salt and Light should be. We had a chance to show people that grace belongs to everyone who asks for it (and even those who don't. God causes his rain to fall on the righteous and unrighteous and all that...) and we dropped it.

<3 thank you SO much for reaching out. I want to be salt and light. I want to be a beacon of hope and love and kindness. I want my blog to feel cozy and warm and inviting and I want, above all, to speak justice, love mercy, and walk humbly. I'm glad that seems to be shining through. If the sum of my life is that I was kind, and I loved, and I helped even one person, then it's all been worth it. Every bit.

[ptrckjcne]

📖📚

Alright spill XD...

I hope your traveling goes well and that there aren't many delays/problems ❤

put a version of the book emoji in my inbox, and i'll tell you the plot of a fanfic i haven't written, but want to write!

ah thank you! apart from being at the airport far too early, it's literally been all smooth sailing with travelling here, so i'm hoping the rest of my trip goes just as smoothly!

now, onto these fics ... two emojis means you get two ideas (sorry i don't make the rules, i just concoct these crazy ideas)

okay for the first one, i've been playing far too much red dead redemption and i'm not even sorry about it

outlaw!steve. he's ruthless and cold. he robs people, he shoots before he speaks, and he's the most trusted of his gang. he's not the leader, but literally no plan is made without steve being involved, and no plan is executed without steve leading the troops.

however, one time this grand plan of robbing the nearby saloon goes bad (if you've played rdr2, think the end of chapter two, which leads to the van der linde gang having to leave horseshoe overlook) and the gang scatters, having agreed that if something goes wrong, they split up to make it harder for law enforement to catch up with them.

steve is injured, he's shot and he's got a dislocated shoulder, and he's not doing too well when his horse takes him to this ranch – and you guessed it, introducing rancher!danny. he's got a pretty peaceful ranch life; he's got some horses, some cattle, and he's got his ranch dog, eddie. what he wasn't expecting was for a wounded and bruised outlaw, who most definitely has a bounty over his head, and his stressed out mustang to come crashing into their lives.

and it'll be a little cliché, because as danny manouvers coping with steve and the way the outlaw is used to sleeping in a tent, and change camps every week, while still making sure he heals up, and steve learns the pace of the ranch, figuring out that cattle is far from his thing, but the horses he can truly help with, he decides to clean up and offers to help out at the ranch permanently, wanting to pay off his debt to the state and to danny.

and they'll fall a little in love but, yknow, that's life.

a little scene for that comes here:

"look, mcgarrett, there're bounty hunters looking for you all over, what's to say i don't turn you over to them, and make sure i never see your scar-face again?" danny crossed his arms over his chest, the dust from the gravel settling around his boots as he comes to a stop a few feet from where steve was sitting on the steps to the porch, eddie slumbering in the shade behind him.

"what's to say i haven't waited for that to happen?" steve grumbled, rolling his eyes a little, though not being able to hide the wince as he stood up. danny's home-made stitches to the gash on his side had worked, better than anything steve could have done himself, but it still pulled on his skin whenever he moved. "you don't get to live a bad life, the way i have, and have good things happen to you."

danny huffed out a chuckle, turning his head to look towards the horses' pasture, where steve's muscular grullo dun mustang stuck out like a sore thumb next to danny's elegantly built and darkly coloured thoroughbreds. yet, the horse looked perfectly at home – just the way it had looked perfectly normal to see steve sitting on the porch. "well, it's a good thing some of us happens to believe in second chances." he noticed how his words caused steve to go still, the hand that had landed on his saddle slipping from the smooth leather in surprise. "you're not going anywhere, mcgarrett."

then for the second one, well it's kind of cheating for me to put this here, because i actually started writing down some stuff for it on the plane but oh well–

also this has probably been done before? i've read some variants of steve ending in jersey as a kid and meeting danny, but i haven't read exactly this one–

it's steve, along with mary and john, who has to enter the witness security programme after doris' death (she stays dead in this one homies), and they get sent to new jersey, where the agency has got them a good house in a family friendly neighbourhood. steve mostly closes himself off, somewhere between having to leave himself being "the kid from hawaii" in their house on oahu, and john tending extra to mary who's not coping so well with the situation.

but then there's this fiesty next-door neighbour kid, who occasionally climbs out the window of his bedroom, and lounges on the roof with a cigarette when the night sky is draped above their heads, and this is the same kid who makes fun of steve and his bag of football equipment, but still lends him a pencil and covers his ass in class when steve's too caught up in his own mind to pay attention.

turns out maybe this fiesty baseballer, danny, is everything steve needs to get out of his head, at the same time as stella and bridget is everything mary needs to warm up. and this too is a little cliché with two boys finding their way in life and love and all that jazz, and when they finally get the chance to move back to hawaii, steve's not so sure he's ready to yet, because leaving for hawaii would mean leaving danny ... and for the first time since steve was born, he's not so sure hawaii's home anymore.

aaaand a little scene from that:

steve was looking far too at home where he was sprawled across danny's floor, face buried in the pillow he had fallen asleep on mere hours before. "steve, get up you shit," danny huffed, nudging the side of steve's chest with his foot, receiving a groan in return from the teenager on the floor. "we were supposed to practice for this test, not sleep."

"you could just come down here and sleep with me," steve slurred, patting his hand around to find danny's leg and tug on the fabric of his sweatpants. "it's comfortable, i promise."

danny chuckled, thinking it over for a second, before throwing another pillow on the floor, and grabbing a blanket. "alright then, but if my shoulder's sore and i get shit at practice because of it, i'm blaming you." he grinned, wrapping steve's arm around himself, enjoying the comfort of the taller boy as he enveloped himself around steve. "if my parents find us like this, i'm blaming you."

he felt steve's lips split into a smirk against his hairline, the soft puffs of steve's breath tickling against his neck. "that's a risk i'm willing to take."

[dearweirdme]

Hi there! Thank you so much for the kind response to my lengthy ask earlier. You did not invalidate my feelings. Maybe this is all I need, someone to talk to. 😭 It's been really a tough couple of days for me, and I don't understand why. I'm confused mostly. I don't understand why I am so deeply invested and affected by this issue. Probably it's cause I woke up in the middle of the night, after only a roughly 4-hour sleep , to a chaotic twitter timeline! It was too much for me. I'm usually emotionally strong, but waking up to those videos and photos, taekookers denying it, taennies and jikookers celebrating, tae's biggest fanbases giving their all-out support without questioning the veracity of those videos and photos, and running high on hormones since I had my period back then, really got the best of me. lol. I was in denial at first, but, they looked too real to be just a mere rumor. Honestly though, I was still 10% waiting for the company and even Tae to deny it. lol. It's impossible, I know. I'm pretty certain that they won't react to it again, just like what they did last year. It's real now. We just have to live up to it. Whether it was a PR stunt, or it was Tae's idea to come out, guess we will never know. I'm coming to terms with it already. Still a little hurt coz damn! It's been a whole damn year that we've been trying to debunk those photos! lol

I know I don't have the right to feel betrayed since Tae is not responsible for how I feel, but I wish he came clean from the onset. It wasn't his responsibility to come clean, i know, but I wish, I dunno, I expected too much I guess. Guess majority of our heartaches comes from our own expectations. This is a lesson for me. I'm too attached to our boys, which I shouldn't be. I expend most of my waking moments with BTS for the past 5 years. Maybe it's time to lay low. It's affecting my personal life now. It's unhealthy. Also, what I feel is also because I've created this whole scenario of how BTS are. Guess we really don't know them after all. You are right, I need a social media break. It's messing with my head.

I'm sorry I'm ranting to you now. I don't have anyone to talk to about this. My IRL friends wouldn't understand my feelings, and I'm so thankful that you were so kind and you understood exactly how I feel. In a 3rd person POV, what I'm going through now seems ridiculous, but I'm glad you understood me completely. My thoughts are a bit of a mess, so I'm just putting everything out here. Thank you for reading and responding so kindly. You don't know how much it helped me.

To the anon who said I was sltshming jennie, sorry it came off that way, but we see her videos and photos partying, so, in my own perspective, she's a bit carefree, wild, maybe that's what Tae's into. lol.

Again, thank you so much for this. Please let me camp in your inbox for a little bit more.

Hi again!

You are very welcome in my inbox, always. I understand completely how overwhelming things can be. When I was somewhat younger, I tended to get consumed by things also. I have done some deep diving into my own character and learned how to manage my emotions better. But I very well remember what it can feel like.

Fandom can be the source of great happiness, but also the source of great distress. Especcially when it comes to Army and BTS I feel. Both army and BTS pride themselves for having a strong connection. It is wonderfull really, but it can also be harmfull when something big happens. One of my personal favorite songs is Pied Piper (I mean come on, that one performance!) and I find the message of that song so strong and insightfull. It is at the same time any band or artists intention to lure in fans and to make them feel connected, but also that deep feeling of connection is what makes people cross mental, physical, or societal boundaries. I think it is something the members have struggled with a lot. And now, part of fandom is struggling a lot, because we feel connected to Tae and this is not what we expected of him.

I too was surprised by this. Did not see it coming at all. Fandom has been really tough (my inbox has only yesterday kind off stopped getting anonymous hate). People rile each other up, everyone want to be heard, everyone wants to get to the bottom of this. Uncertainty is a b*tch. Humans (and probably all living creatures) are not wired to deal with uncertainty. It's biologically speaking very logical. Safety is our basic instinct, and uncertainty goes against that. One might argue that this doesn't go for fandom situations, but to so many of us fandom is our safe place... so when something big like this happens, we feel less safe. Even if it doesn't logically make sense. You feel unsafe anon. You will start feeling safe again when you realise there is no actual danger.

Twitter is hot mess on any normal day, so on days like the last ones it completely unhinged. I only go there on occasion to see if there is any real news, but other than that... big nope. Too many people fighting for attention and a few seconds of social media fame. My safe place right now is Yoongi, I just love that man to pieces. So when I feel myself getting too caught up in things, I take myself away for a bit and settle down.

Know that most feelings are temporary. You will feel better in a week. Who knows what will happen next, might shift your whole perspective on this again.

Hope to hear from you again.

[charthanry]

I love your analysis on bb and recently read your thoughts on Pran mourning the feeling of hesitation after he and Pat kiss in episode 5 which has completely changed my whole viewpoint. I wasn't frustrated when Pran left Pat on the rooftop, but I knew there must've been an internal struggle going on. I totally empathise with a change in a relationship pushing you out of your comfort zone and the overwhelming struggle to deal with it. (pt 1)

I headcanon that Pran has a real issue with change especially after the trauma of being forced to change schools for something innocent. His behaviour as a teenager is very different than when we see him as a kid - I think order and routine help him cope with life. And i completely see how a big change plus general insecurity could cause him to panic and shut down. So thank you! I didn't think I could love that kid anymore. And thank you for kindly answering all of our questions! (pt 2) 

Every time I receive one of these thoughtful asks, it makes me pause and wonder if you've got the wrong inbox, because surely nothing I've said could have stirred an entire change in viewpoint? Anon, you really blew me away here.

I'm in complete agreement with you. Pran running away from Pat on the rooftop and his subsequent cold shoulder afterwards is entirely relatable. I don't find his behavior frustrating at all. Everything he's feeling is compounded by big changes happening too fast. He’s cerebral and an overthinker and needs time to process, to properly freak out, and then determine his next course of action. Like you said, Pran is a creature of habit and routine. We see it in the way everything has to be lined up just so, his chopsticks have to be even, his clothes crisp and clean, the guy probably irons his jeans. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with needing his life to be orderly and scheduled and exact.

But then we have Pat, who consistently disrupts this routine, taking Pran out of his element. But despite his irritation at these disruptions, he also enjoys Pat's company, so he’s confused and struggles with the disorder and chaos while simultaneously reeling at having Pat’s attention. He loves the set routine, but does he love having Pat around, more? That’s the internal battle [1]. And then add to all that – Pat’s supposed feelings for Ink, the aggression between Pat and Wai, the family feud, and then the rooftop confession culminating with THE KISS. Of course, Pran is going to shut down. It's A LOT and coming at him all at once.

We later see Pat recognizing Pran’s fears and hesitation and sets out to keep things status quo for him by way of the bet. We applaud our boy Pat for being 1. emotionally intelligent for recognizing Pran’s insecurities and 2. knowing Pran so well that if he makes it a competition, Pran won’t/can’t refuse and 3. respectfully giving Pran the time and space to decide that he wants to be with him. He makes it entirely Pran’s decision. Pat’s saying hey, hey, I get it. This is all happening really fast. I know you don’t do well with change, so let’s not change anything. It’s just us, competing as we always have. But for the record, I like you. I like spending time with you. And if it’s okay with you, I’d like to continue to do that. In whatever capacity you want. You set the terms and I'll meet you there.

[1] We see from EP7 and onward (and maybe even before that, I'd say around EP3. I actually cover this at length in my EP3 recap post-episode commentary) that Pran decides Pat is entirely worth the disruption to his orderly life. We also see that Pat eventually learns to accomodate Pran's need for routine. They find a balance that I’d like to call organized chaos. They’re all about compromise and are truly relationship goals. And we stan them so much.

[imaginationintowords]

Folklore [song series]

mirrorball

Modern Day AU! Steve Rogers x OC!Reader

Plot: Inspired by Taylor Swift’s new album folklore. The story follows the timeline of Bucky and Elizabeth’s life throughout the years.

Word count: 2110

[a/n: thanks for being patient with me! hope you guys enjoy this new chapter! if i forgot to tag you please inbox me]

previous part

Series Masterlist

Age: 20

Location: Brooklyn, NY

Year: Summer 2014

Steve flopped down onto his bed, tired after today's events. Elizabeth softly laid down next to him, Steve wrapped his arm around her bringing her closer to his chest.

"Today was a day," he tiredly says.

"You okay?" She asked him.

After Bucky had left there was a sadness aura that followed Steve for the rest of the party. He had no clue what he had expected Bucky's reaction to be, but definitely not the one he got. He had even prepared himself fo a fight, he was grateful that didn't happen. He just wasn't expecting for Bucky to shut down and leave. Not even accepting his offer of having a conversation later.

He knew that Bucky just needed his space, time to think it all over. But the look on Bucky's face had Steve questioning whether or not he would ever come around.

It threw Steve off when Bucky requested that he breakup with Elizabeth. He couldn't believe his best friend would want his own happiness to suffer.

His whole life he had done everything possible to keep Bucky happy. After what Bucky and his family had to go through with his father, Steve made it his mission to never let his friend feel that way again. Granted he was only 7 when he made that promise to himself, he still kept it.

Steve had never put himself first, at least not until he had made the decision to go to school in California. He had even thought about changing his plans after his breakup with Elizabeth but he knew his parents would've been disappointed with that decision.

He had put Bucky first his entire life, what he's doing isn't selfish. Yet he can't help but feel like the most selfish person ever.

What if he was keeping Elizabeth from truly being happy? What if she just didn't want to break his heart? What if she just didn't want to break his heart during a family event? What if come tomorrow she would tell him the truth, that she was really still in love with Bucky.

He's not sure he could handle that heartbreak.

"Want to tell me what's going on in that head of yours?" Elizabeth asked, breaking Steve from his self destructive thoughts.

"I won't be mad if you still love him," Steve says, "I'd understand."

Elizabeth quickly sat up to get a look of Steve's face to make sure he was being serious. It nearly broke her to see how defeated he looked. She's never seen him so down, not even after his breakup with Peggy.

"You don't have to pretend to save my feelings," he continues, "If it meant you were happy, that's all I care about. If being with Bucky makes you happy, then please don't let me stand in the way."

"Oh Steve," she gently caresses his face, staring down at him, "I wasn't lying earlier when I told Bucky that I didn't love him anymore. And i most definitely wasn't lying when I said that I love you, because I do love you, with my whole heart. You make me happy. The happiest I've ever been. Bucky was my past. You are my now, and hopefully my future.

"If you can't see how truly great you are, then I must not be doing my job as not only your girlfriend, but you're friend," she says, "Because you make me feel special every single day. And I just want you to feel the way you've made me feel."

"It's not your fault," Steve softly says, grasping her hand to place a kiss on her knuckles.

"Growing up I've always been second to Bucky," he explains, "Everyone seemed to prefer him over me. Whether it was girls or just our friends. It was always Bucky then Steve."

Elizabeth takes a moment to think back on their time growing up. She couldn't help but feel guilty when she realized that everything Steve is saying is true.

After she and Bucky got together, Steve sort of became an after thought, not because they purposefully excluded him, it never crossed their mind simply because Steve also had Peggy at the time. But after Peggy left, Elizabeth never really got to talk to Steve about how he felt, because she got caught up in her own drama.

"Steve, I'm so sorry," she apologizes, "I should've known then about how you felt. I was so caught up in my own shit, I never realized that you could've been going through your own stuff."

"Liz, it was never your fault," he says, "You were going through your own stuff. And I had learned to suppress it. Plus Bucky was your boyfriend at the time, of course i wasn't really on your mind. Plus it's kind of my fault for allowing it to happen. I never spoke up about it. I just always went along, figuring it was better than nothing."

"Once I got to Berkeley that's when everything changed," his mood shifts a bit to a much lighter feel, "I no longer felt like the shadow of a person. I felt like my own person for the first time ever. I was able to become someone I never thought possible. I am no longer 'scrawny Steve, Bucky's best friend'. I just became 'Steve' or 'Rogers'."

Elizabeth smiled at the way Steve's eyes lit up when talking.

"I had never imagined myself leaving New York, let alone making the permanent move to California," he confesses, "As much as I love it here, California is where I feel I belong. I know you feel it too."

Elizabeth nods her head agreeing with him. She felt the same way, as much as New York was her childhood home, California was where she felt her heart aching for. Where she felt like she belonged, where she could thrive. The more she spent time there, the more it felt like home, that's why moving there wasn't a tough decision for her.

"Coming back here," Steve says, causing Elizabeth to shift back her focus on him, "It just makes me feel like that scrawny kid all over again. I feel like no matter how hard I try to shed that image, Brooklyn will never see me for who I am now, but for who I was then. Like no matter what I do I will always be 'little' Steve Rogers."

"I know you feel it too," he says looking up at her.

She did. She did feel stuck in the past whenever she came back home. It seemed like life stood still here, while outside of Brooklyn everything is moving ahead. She knows it's only because she grew up there, and had nothing to do with Brooklyn itself. Once she was in California, she got a taste of life outside of Brooklyn, and she's not sure if she would want to go back. So moving there was an easier choice for her to make.

"I do," she agrees, "It's why moving to California was an easy decision for me to make."

"I wasn't even sure I was even going to make it to California," he says.

"Why is that?"

"Felt like I was disappointing my parents," he confesses, "We had always discussed me going to Columbia as a pre-med major. That had been the original plan. It wasn't like they were forcing it on me. More like I was forcing it onto myself.

"It was the 'safer' choice, granted the longer one, but in the end it all would've been worth it. For some reason as a child I believed that was the only way my parents would've been proud of me. Regardless of the fact that they were already proud and would tell me constantly. I just put that pressure on myself."

"It wasn't until junior year that Mr. Lawson, my high school art teacher said I should apply to some art schools," he continues, "Then after I had a long discussion with the guidance counselor she agreed as well, saying I would get in no problem with whatever art field I applied in.

"I never really gave my drawing much thought. It was just something I would do. Also a career in art is not exactly financially stable, or at all stable. But I figured it wouldn't hurt to apply to a couple of schools as an architecture major. Never really gave it a second thought."

Steve pauses, "I did get into Columbia."

"Steve, no fucking way," Elizabeth gasp sitting up straighter, "I never even heard."

"That's because I only told my parents," he says, "I got the acceptance email the same day I got NYU's and Berkeley's, where I hadn't applied as pre-med, which my parents didn't know of at the time."

"Wow," Elizabeth responds feeling herself become speechless. She had only known about NYU and Berkeley. She knew about NYU because that was the plan, they, including Bucky had discussed Freshman year. Back when she was still with Bucky, and Steve with Peggy and they all had planned to stay in New York. Before life got complicated.

"When I did get the Berkeley acceptance I had to come clean to my parents about what major I applied under. I was nervous, because a part of me never told them because I was worried I wouldn't get in. So seeing that acceptance it was the assurance I needed. One that really let me know that I could actually do it. And of course my parents were proud."

"Of course," Elizabeth smiles, "They would've been proud if you had decided to not even go to school and just worked in a restaurant."

"That's true," Steve lets out a small laugh, "And I think I more so didn't want to regret the decision. Leaving home to move across the country for a career that could be unstable. It's scary."

"Do you?" Elizabeth asks.

"Do I what?"

"Do you regret it?"

"Not one bit," he smiles, pulling her back down onto his chest.

They laid there in a comfortable silence. Steve ranking his fingers on Elizabeth's arm, feeling himself grow tired.

"I hope you know you're amazing," Elizabeth quietly says looking up at him with pure admiration in her eyes, "That I think you're amazing. I think you're one of the greatest people I have ever known. And if I have to spend my entire life showing you just how amazing I think you are, I will."

Age: 29

Year: 2023

Location: Santa Barbara, CA

Elizabeth giggled as Steve carried her over the threshold into their hotel room for the weekend. He kicked the door closed as he silenced her giggles with a kiss, before placing her on her feet.

"Why thank-you Mr. Rogers."

"You're very welcome Mrs. Rogers," he smiled brightly at his new wife.

Her makeup was slowly fading, hair no longer perfectly done after a night of dancing with their close loved ones. Steve just stares at her lovingly. He ahs never seen her more beautiful and the fact that he gets to be her husband for the rest of his life, he's never felt luckier.

Elizabeth feels his eyes just on her, "What? Do I have something on my face?"

"No, just admiring my beautiful wife," he compliments, causing Elizabeth to blush.

"How about one more dance?" she asks.

"There's no music."

"When I'm with you there's always music," she says holding her hand out for him.

Steve pulled her to him, one hand grasped in her's, while the other lay on her lower back. Elizabeth's head rested on his chest, with Steve's chin softly resting on the top of it.

"You know I think you're amazing," Elizabeth says as they sway softly in each other's arms.

"You might've told me once or twice," he responds.

"Get used to it because I'm going to be telling you that for the rest of our lives."

"Nothing I want more than that," he kisses the top of her head.

"If you'd asked me to runaway with you to join a circus, I would in a heartbeat," she says.

"Oh really? If I lose my job, and having nothing to show for, you'd still be there?"

"Right next to you baby, every step of the way," she says looking up at him, "Plus you won't have nothing to show. You'll have me. You'll have us. With me by your side I'll make sure you never not know how much you mean to me."

"You've made me believe in love again when I thought it wasn't possible. You've made me love myself in a way that I didn't think were possible. You make me a better human being by just being you. I love you Steve, more than anything.

"So if everything were to go to shit, as long as I have you that's all I need. I'll be there reminding you every single day just how special you are to me."

"I love you," Steve smiles as tears fall from his eyes.

[warningimmental]

You made your choice. It's not to be a mother so....... Congratulations you're free!!!. Your Wish came true.

Yes this is public so people can see.#TRUTH

***See below as im not repeating again and again.***

My side of life.

P.s

Yeah I'll be fine. I always am in the end.

( Heres what needs to be said and has been said so not to repeat myself. From in PMs )

Sad thing is she knows ill forgive her just like I forgave dad and EVERYONE and EVERYTHING else. I care so no one else has to. I'm the one who picked up the pieces of everything but was tormented daily. She wonders why I was the way I was it was due to parenting and fobbing me off to anyone who would take me.

Anne and Bob should of kept me. They couldn't have kids they could of had me though. (neighbours I adopted as grandparents no blood but love ) My father was a shit most of my life my mother was everyones mother bar mine. They kept me quite with gadgets and as long as I went to school fed and watered job done.

Favourite quote was "it's your fault" and dads was "your making me ill"

Christ for someone who knows everyone elses business she never saw what was happening to her own daughter.

29 years im done. Sick of being a leighton.

I said Stockholm syndrome I loved my captives just happened to be the people I called mum and dad....

I still love them both but what I was "known as normal" was not remotely normal.

Eg. I was appendicitis and born 8 months in mum had no clue and I was "hiding" behind her ribs. It's medically impossible.

Not to mention lived in New York every other year from age of 6 months till I was 13. Dad would take me over and over and over mum came ONCE for my 13th.

I have no memories of New York. It's kind of a huge thing and place to have been wiped out of a memory.

Now im clear-minded im having pseudoseizures because my subconscious doesn't want me to remember what happened.

What mother would let a new born or toddler a child that can't speak fly to the other side of the world to only be with men. My dad and my fucked up uncle who sends stuff to "favourite" niece

I've tried so hard to get better and it's not even my family who acknowledged it.

There's so much you don't know.

She used to have me go in the house before her in case dad had killed himself so id find him first from the ages of 7 onwards. When dad past I went behind the curtain first. So I kept the is see him first. On 29th April 2018

I was always on eggshells she would say people die of lack of breath so EVERY NIGHT id check on mum and dad every hour. She would hold her breath to screw with me. Then say im not dead go to bed.

The house was toxic. For once in my life im actually sane.

She is not who you think she is.

If I've lost my mind it's because my environment sucked. I'm finally out. Sober can think clear and don't harm because I don't have to deal with the toxicity that I dealt with ALL my life.

If I told you everything you wouldn't believe me. Which is fine know one does because but it's true.

Always ask why or what causes someone to go off the rails and self destruct. I never felt safe, I was always told I was a mistake and everything was my fault. As long as I kept the family secrets mum was happy.

Dad was toxic. Mum the same. She wants drama so I finally said enough.

When I say mum knows everything I mean she saw it all and NEVER had it stop or put me safe. I can finally talk now dad is gone. I could write every TRUTH down and write a book. People would wonder how the hell did this girl cope and live to tell. I lived because I care about everything and everyone else. But im done now.

I doubt you'd believe me if im honest. My inbox is full of people defending her and my dad. If only they knew. its been a long time coming but im finally speaking out.

I know people don't understand but I don't want to burden with it. If You like my mum and dad id rather I let you keep the illusion. I know it's out there now that's enough.

If you want to see my life keep reading otherwise STOP HERE.

I'm fine and im safe finally. I just needed more as a child than fear of what should of been my safe place a home.

I don't want us to be strangers to the people who read this and thin sarahs lost it.

I don't want to cause a riff, I just couldn't not say it finally. Mum says always go to counselling but I couldn't. I couldn't tell anyone the truth about dad or mum. Or the truth on why I had to have a very intrusive operation due to assault by 3 at Halloween party. Mum now knows that. Dad was arrested for hitting the wrong lad. Dad and mum would have gone down for murder if I spoke out.

On the other hand there was also my home life in general. I was made to stay quiet about having a revolving door of strangers. Huge boozy parties after a night out. Mum and me being treat like muck on a shoe.

A abusive uncle who would have me and my cusion be "kissing cusions" .Every night when I was 15 to 26 I drank took sleeping pills and hid away in my room self destructive harm anything so not to deal.

I look like wolferrines attacked me because of the arguments or threats. Mum couldnt leave the house quick enough. I gave up on a career to care for my dad but I was always looked down on.

****** golden girl. left was I was guilt tripped saying "your still dads girl you won't leave me" while dad would cry. Every night.

Mum swears I was an appendicitis 8 months in term. I'd be handed to anyone and everyone. Every year or every other from birth id end up in america. Mum would say her holidays where when me and dad would leave. From 6 months old id always go back and forth to New York. I couldnt talk yet "apparently" begged to go with dad.

Mum would say after blazing rows im leaving.

Then just walk out the door. I was left with a highly angry father and confused were mum had gone and if she would come back for me. I'd stay up all night waiting. I'd hide crying and scream in a pillow so not to be to loud so dad didn't shout.

I was told my face doesn't fit. My nick name was ferret face or panda. I would hurt my self so not to hurt others. I wanted and trained to be a counsellor so one to understand what I did wrong and two and most importantly to be there for the people who needed support.

I went to rehab to be identified when found so my parents wouldn't have to. If it wasn't for craig I doubt if be here.

Craig saved my life. Mum has always put others before me or ignored it so it didn't exist.

Important in here (ears) none important (over your head)

I was terrified everyday of my life. I loved and do love my parents it's just I can't stay quite any longer.

Money or game consoles chocolate sweets where hush money. Dad would buy crates of spirits and beer and supple my / his pills so I was always foggy minded.

I'm finally sober clean and harm free my mind is the most composed it ever been.

No one knows what goes on behind closed doors.

Mum is a star and has a heart of gold to others but from age 7 onwards everyone else came first.

I pride my self on protecting, comforting trying to be there and support everyone, hell even risked my life enough times to save some. because I never had it. No one to fight for me protect me.

I wanted parents love encouragement happy I archived or even tried. But it never came.

Even my graduation was ruined.

I wasn't allowed to get a job they made me be sick and have PTSD mum still to this day loves to make me jump. I have terrifying nightmares.

I'd hear conversations no child should hear because they either didn't notice I was there or care. When ***** killed him self when *** did when dad tried and I was left with a random man being told "your dads took to many sweets"

The same man who later tried it on with me sending dirty pictures or dads other "mates" who would try there luck. I gained a shit ton of weight 21 stone so NO guy would come near me because the strangers who would come to the house used to try and feel me up or perv if door was unlocked as I was a kid.

She saw everything but wouldn't believe it. Or me. I phone our ***** one night years ago because she said I could and she yelled at me because she had work. I was silently screaming for help.

It was only at dads funeral she saw and realised and was so genuinely sorry for not believing me the night I phoned.

I wish every single thing I've said and keep telling was a lie but it's not it's 25/26 years of fear.

I'm 29 now. For the first time in my life im not on eggshells. I have a safe home. I can lock the door and not fear.

I wish these were lies I swear!!!!! I do but there not.

Yet NO ONE will even consider it's the TRUTH.