#I've also been forgetting a lot of stuff lately - not sure if it's connected to getting sick before and other unknown reasons for my symptom

[ghibli-love-s]

Tis but a Flesh Wound

Overview: after you get shot on a mission Simon visits you in the infirmary. Through your loose, medicated lips, a few things come to light.

Character(s): Simon "Ghost" Riley

Category: Fluff

Tags: kissing, injuries, getting together, first kiss, soft Simon "Ghost" Riley

Warnings: mentions of injuries, bullet wounds and medical stuff

Words: 1,195

You're lying on an infirmary bed, eyes closed as the beeping of your heart monitor echoes quietly through the room. A few hours ago you had gotten back from a mission, a bullet wound in your side and rapidly losing blood. You had barely touched down in the helicopter when you had been wrenched out of Simon’s arms, quickly wheeled to the infirmary to save your life.

The sound of a door opening and closing softly has you opening your eyes, careful not to move your left arm connected to IVs and other wires. As you squint against the bright lights above you, you make out Simon’s hulking figure sitting in the small chair next to your bed.

Making a move to sit up you’re met with a wince of pain and a gentle hand on your shoulder. The soft, gruff call of your name has you meeting Simon’s dark eyes, the worry barely hidden within them.

“Careful. You were shot bad. Shouldn't be moving in your condition.” His eyes scan over your bandages and your blood stained pants.

“I'm fine Simon. Tis but a flesh wound after all.” You grin cheekily at him, though you can't hide the wince at the painful twinge in your side.

Simon rolls his eyes, thinly veiled affection showing through. “Flesh wound my ass. You got shot with a bullet and lost a lot of blood.”

You shrug, eyes watching his hand as it grips yours firmly. “Still alive aren't I?”

His voice is gruff with a scoff. “Barely made it off the damn helio.”

You give his hand a squeeze, smiling teasingly at him. “But I did. Gonna have to work harder than that to get rid of me Lieutenant.”

He stares at you for a moment before a short, soft laugh falls from his lips. “You are unbelievable, you know that? You get shot, almost die in my arms, and now you're joking about it. I should get a shrink in here just to make sure you're sound of mind, ya know that?”

You grin at him, the usual light back in your eyes as you absentmindedly lace your fingers with his, though you don't miss the way his thumb runs over the back of your knuckles, slowly, deliberately.

“A joke a day keeps the trauma away, don't you know that?”

That earns you a chuckle from him, and which in turn makes your grin even wider.

“You have some nerve getting smart with me while you're laid up from a bullet wound, ya know that mate?” He leans on the bed, shaking his head with disbelief, though by the way his eyes crinkle ever so slightly, you can tell he's smiling under his casual mask.

“That's what you like about me. Deep down that's the only reason you stick around.”

“Is that so? I stick around for your death wishes and your smart ass mouth?”

“Don't forget my pretty face.”

“So I also like you because your’re pretty?” At your cheeky nod he shakes his head, a small huff leaving his lips. His eyes drop to your interlocked hands before locking back with your eyes. “Maybe you're right. But don't let that go to your pretty head. Your ego is big enough without it.”

You laugh, giving his hand another firm squeeze. “Too late. But you know what I think?” You tug him closer, so he's leaning further on the bed, his free arm resting beside your shoulder.

Simon quirks an eyebrow up, studying your smug smile and bright, mischievous eyes. “Enlighten me, oh wise one on a ridiculous amount of pain medication.”

You grin tugging on his hand until he's closer, your voice dropping to a playful whisper. “I think…you can't wait to plant one on me.”

His eyes blow wide with surprise as he goes silent. He’s silent for a few minutes, turning your words over in his head before he answers carefully.

“Is that what you think?” His voice is soft, testing the waters.

“I only know because I've been trying myself. But every time you look at me with those damn eyes I lose my ability to think straight and form a coherent thought.” You study his masked face, only a few inches away from yours.

Simon's eyebrows raise teasingly at you, shaking his head amused. “Really? My eyes are what does it in for you,” he says, his voice amused and unbelieving at the same time.

“Yes! Watching my every damn move, following me, studying me. Your eyes are very intense, you know.” You pout playfully, teasing but honest at the same time.

Your name falls off his lips with disbelief. He studies you, quiet. “Does it really rattle you when I look at you like that?”

“It's like you're trying to figure me out, trying to find out what makes me tick. Makes me feel something I've never felt before.”

His eyes lock on yours. “And what do I make you feel…?”

You go quiet, getting lost in his dark eyes, your mouth dry as you're suddenly at a loss for words. “Safe,” you say lamely, your voice soft and nearly breathless.

Simon goes silent, contemplating as his thumb rubs circles on the back of your hand.

“You're something else, you know that?” He says, breaking through the quiet beeping that fills the room.

You tilt your head, meeting his eyes. “How do you mean Si?”

His thumb stutters to a stop at the nickname. He takes a moment, shaking his head as he studies you.

“Most people can't stand me, and here you are, saying you feel safe with me, saying you wanna kiss me.” His other hand comes to rest on your cheek, gentle, as if you're fragile glass that could break with the wrong move. “Worst part of it is…” He trails off, unsure of his next words.

You call his name softly, eyes never leaving his. You nod at him, prompting him to continue.

Swallowing nervously he responds. “Worst part is I feel the same way.”

You release his hand, eyes locked on him as you reach up to his face, undoing his mask slowly, scanning his expressions to make sure this was okay. It wasn't the first time you had seen him without his mask on, but it was only saved for special moments. Moments spent in the early mornings, your heads propped up on each other as you calm down from nightmares. Moments saved for sleepless nights talking in your beds. Moments like right now.

When you both lean in to meet each other, it's perfect. The warm press of his lips against yours. The way he cups your face as if you’re a precious artifact. The way you grip his bicep as his lips slowly move against yours, deepening the kiss. As he pulls away you tangle your fingers in his hair, keeping him close as he presses his face into your neck.

There would be more to talk about later, paperwork to fill out for the mission and your injury. But right now, Simon pressing up against you, gently running his hand up and down your good side, was perfect for you.

[alicesmindpalace]

I've decided that I'm gonna take the excuse of Anthony's birthday 🎂 as a chance to make a quick post to explain why I love and respect this guy so much.

For context, I have been a Smosh fan since 2013 and as you can imagine, it's been a real rollercoaster 😆, but I am glad I stuck around because in the end it was really worth it.

I think the main reason why I am still around and I'm still here in my late 20's (yeah, I'm old lol) is that Ian and Anthony as people more than as creators, always kinda hit a little different for me.

Ian and Anthony are so precious to me, and I will never shut up about how Anthony deserve a lot more praise and understanding.

Because sure, being good looking in our society is a big advantage but being known as "the hot one" in a comedy duo isn't that easy. Anthony's contributions get overlooked often because of this dumb old mindset and I think it's really unfair tbh.

Anthony has a great sense of humor, even if he doesn't make jokes 24/7 he can immediately recognize what makes something funny, hone in on it and use it to make the situation funnier. He built a media empire doing that if you really think about it! He really found a golden goose and immediately knew what to make of it. Anthony and Ian BOTH (that's right both) have a great sense of humor and it's very compatible, which is why Smosh became a thing imo.

Of course, the best part of this is that you can't have a sense of humor and be stupid, it's impossible, you can be funny and be an idiot yeah, but having a sense of humor needs quick thinking, an ability to recognize subtle patterns, the contradictions, making unexpected connections all of that good stuff, which means that these two guys are also really intelligent.

Which makes sense because Anthony was already building websites when most of the people his age were clicking around on Newgrounds. He created two successful buissness form scratch, boy is smart! 🙌

He came from nothing and got to where is now which is very impressive.

That's also why another thing that I respect about him, is that he almost never mentions how hard it's been for him during his childhood or uses it to gain sympathy even though it would be really easy to do it. He only mentioned the difficult situation at home and his mother's problems a few times in all these years on camera. He still is mentally struggling these days because he didn’t have an easy life but he doesn't use it to get pity or attention, like a lot of people on the internet do.

He really is one of the only remaining unproblematic internet creators that there are left and he managed to be one of them for decades.

There is no dirt on him. He is a nice person and that's probably the most important thing for me tbh and the reason why I could never just forget of Ian and Anthony or get over them or just swap them for some else. Finding Smosh to me felt as mind blowing as finding two four leaves clovers right next to each other.

Even when things went south and they separated, they were never spiteful or malicious, like (a lot of) other people are in these situations, and both handled it with so much respect. They could have made up stuff and thrown shade or dirt to make themselves appear in the right but they didn't. We maybe not know all the details but even just the way they still love and think of each other now after the worst went down tells you who they really were and are behind close doors.

I have so much more to say but it would get too long, so, yeah, this is (part lol) of the reason I love and respect Anthony Padilla so much.

These are only my thoughts of course, I'm talking for me, but I hope you enjoyed (will probably do one for Ian's birthday as well and talk about more of the reason Ianthony are my all time favorites 🤞).

[sserajeans]

you are in love | bonus 1. BHB, be honest bro! (written)

note: the convo happens when minyn r in the plane, so it's dialogue-focused with not much action involved

"so..."

"so what?"

"how are you and...?"

"minji..."

"i'm just checking on you! the aquatic games is enough on your plate, i'd rather talk about the fun stuff."

"fine fine. i've been having a lot of fun with her lately. like the past month has always just been practice, so the dates at the end of the week was stuff i could look forward to."

"that's so sweet why are you guys so sweet i feel sick to my stomach like no wo-"

"I KNOW!! dani's the sweetest... she really thought everything out. she makes me forget about morning practice the next day. she even brought breakfast in a little container one time when i was texting her about being especially hungry after practice."

"oh wow... you lucked out so hard... aren't you two supposed to be unlabeled too?"

"...yeah."

"she's so gonna step up her game when she asks."

"i can't think about it. she's way too good for me."

"what do you mean?"

"it's just... i can tell she's into it more than i am? and i feel like shit, being okay with just receiving all of it and not giving the same amount. and i'm scared that when she does ask me i still won't be in a place to truthfully say yes."

"well... let's not dive too deep, let's start with... maybe what's holding you back? from giving her that energy, i mean."

"well if you say it like that it just sounds like i've been treating her like ass. which i haven't! i really do try my best and everything, it's just.."

"just...?"

"i don't think my best for her is on the same level as her best for me."

"okay... well i think i'm beginning to see it. so let me rephrase, what's keeping you from reaching that level?"

"i... i don't really... know?"

"give it some time."

"wow you're really digging into the psychologist role huh?"

"doesn't it help you with mushing out your emotions or what?"

"...fine. let me think."

"sure."

"..."

"..."

"i think..."

"...you think?"

"i don't want to give her an insincere show of affection."

"so i'm guessing... you would rather be upfront with how much you feel and how you show it?"

"right, yeah."

"and?"

"and i guess there is something that holds me back from feeling that much for her."

"like?"

"i don't know? swim? that's all i can think about these days."

"well yeah, but you've been stressing over swim every season."

"that's true i guess, but also it's senior year. my performance this year determines whether i get to go to college as a national team member or not. anyways, give me more time to think?"

"sure."

"..."

"..."

"...this is hard."

"is it pham?"

"what?"

"is it pham? that's holding you back from feeling anything more."

"no? what? how did you even get to her?"

"in full honesty i didn't think much of it, but ever since that girl in class asked if you two were dating i was beginning to see dots i could connect."

"literally what dots. there are no dots to connect."

"call me insane-"

"you're insane."

"-but it made sense, okay? you liked her-"

"-in freshman year!"

"and i don't think she likes you and dani hanging out."

"what? that's stupid, what makes you think that?"

"well she says it's about her best friend hanging out with the group less, especially since it's senior year now and all."

"well yeah i'd get that but... she's never mentioned this when i went out with like leehan and the rest?"

"nah it's more of how you got a girl now."

"oh..."

"yeah."

"what if she just likes dani? it makes a lot more sense than this theory of yours where she likes her literal childhood best friend who she, by the way, more or less rejected 5 years ago."

"i don't know y/n, this past month has been weird. she's the reason you haven't died from the allergy attack and the reason you have your swim cap, you know that right?"

"what about the swim cap?"

"forced me to come with her and help you in person. at like the crack ass of night."

"okay but you were probably just binging something on the tv."

"my point exactly! she cut off my relaxing time."

"you're unbelievable."

"well yes, but anyways, my hunches on these are almost always right. remember when i told you i felt like you'd win gold for the 100m fly category in last year's regional event?"

"yeah."

"and you did win, didn't you?"

"i did."

"there you go. the only problem here is hanni is still fully convinced she's straight."

"and that i don't like her anymore? and that i'm literally going out with someone else?"

"yeah whatever, sure you don't."

"i'm being for real."

"if you're being for real... let me in your private account."

"...what."

"come on! you let wonyoung in it!"

"i was going through a crisis back in 10th when backyardigans were distant 'cause jiwoo was a brooding teenager! plus, i kicked her when i started going out with dani."

"be honest bro!"

"fine!"

masterlist. next.

taglist: @yyeonmis @lostamoeba @jisooftme @yoontoonwhs @awkwardtoafault @kvnii @lcv3lies @limbforalimb @spritin @kaypanaq @i06kkura @manooffline @kimsgayness @justme-idle @jenaissantex @mightymyo @sewiouslyz @txtbrainrot @li0ilthecxnt @captivq @paranoxic @sofakingwoso @daniellobers @pandafuriosa60 @haerinkisser @staryujinnie @wowowowcake @lesleepyyy @haechansbbg @rosiehrs @jiwoneiric @blue4hour

[autisticlancemcclain]

thank u @zenstrike for the tag <333333333 i see ur mic and i'm elated about it

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

185! but i haven't updated in like a week and a half so we're probably closer to 190

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

556,104. i am very excited to watch it jump up when i finally finish my longfic teehee

3. what fandoms do you write for?

literally just voltron lol. well not counting baby me's wattpad lol. i started writing almost two years ago and just went ham basically. i've been intentionally avoiding things that i know i will get hyperfixated on bc i don't want to stop my writing obsession lol

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

ooooou i'm excited to check. i know it's changed quite a bit over time. i usually sort them by hits!

i will grind you to sand (beneath my louboutin heels) [voltron, 2573 words]: bamf lance fic where i give him a revolver and let him go ham basically

mr. snuggles [voltron, 1656 words]: one of my very earliest fics! lance, lover of weirdo animals, finds a demonic cat-sized spider and adopts it despite his friend's freakouts

he might not look like he gets bitches (but honey that dick was eleven inches) [voltron, 1136 words]: this one is so dorky lol but it's just secret relationship klance coming to light in the most embarrassing possible way

does anyone know where the love of god goes (when the waves turn the minutes to hours) [voltron, 4283]: a canon divergence au where lance is a seer and convinces the skeptics on his team of his abilities by ending the war

this is the part of me that you're never gonna ever get away) [voltron, 3262 words]: a lance & shiro hurt/comfort with a small autistic lance character study! i'm very proud of this one

5. do you respond to comments?

i definitely do on tumblr! it's one of the first things i do when i wake up actually. on ao3, though...i'm pretty sure i have about eight hundred unanswered comments sitting in my inbox 💀 it's an ongoing issue

6. what’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i'm almost sure it's this post-game show lance leaving fic, because i got comments and asks for weeks begging me to write a happy ending lol. but this fic from the hana universe, from when keith is little and shiro is fighting for custody and they haven't figured things out yet. that one is sad. this dream pov adashi fic is also sad and has no happy ending bc, you know. shiro is in space and adam thinks he's dead and everything. my loneliest series is also still in progress and as such there is no happy ending. and this is my earliest angsty-ending fic with MCD

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

oh god pretty much everything i write has a happy ending?? if i’m being serious?? frankly i don’t do a lot of linear plot. i just write Scenes that are vaguely connected. BUT my h2o fic had a plot that ended happily, as did my cowboy fic, but truly i’m more of a slice of life kinda gal. all my active wips are plot-driven, though, and i plan for all of them to end happily.

8. do you get hate on fics?

oh god yeah. i get it on brown eyed lance, autistic lance, adhd keith, allura just in general (are you sensing a pattern), my refusal to use readmores, and lately just some demands for me to write differently/more?? most of it is just funny so i post it to goof on it lol, but some of it i just delete and pout about until i forget about it 💀

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

yes and it’s nasty and i will literally never ever post it. although i guess i’ve written some softer stuff that’s more allusion than anything, like in my loneliest series.

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

not anymore, but i did when i was a kid?? i think i wrote a pjo/hoo/divergent/the mortal instruments/homestuck/a bunch of other shit fic when i was 13. i’ve successfully blocked that era out of my mind tho so i’m not sure. i do a lot of insane aus, tho. i wrote a fic based off a country song written in the sixties. so.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

i’ve had people write continuations of my wips?? which i didn’t rly like. i just ignored it.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

someone has asked me about translating a fic before! haven’t heard anything since tho.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

i have tried. i’m not very good at it. i have very Specific ideas about things and can be very controlling, so it’s honestly better that i don’t lol.

14. what’s your all-time favorite ship?

klance, easy. been in the trenches of this goddamn fandom since i was 13 years of age. it’s been a Journey.

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

god, the butterfly effect. i get people asking me to update all the time and i genuinely feel bad, because i have absolutely no ideas or plans for it. i might try to come up with an ending of some kind?? but i wrote that like two years ago, so i have changed a LOT about my writing since then.

16. what are your writing strengths?

dialogue and humour, i think. and sometimes writing lack of emotional communication (if that makes sense — i like to try and write around an emotion).

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

i over explain a lot. and i overuse dialog ur tags sometimes. i have a Very Specific scene playing out in my head and i want everyone else to see it like i’m seeing it, which is my downfall a lot. i’ve been trying to work on implicit stage directions.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i think sometimes it’s necessary? it can be a good tool for humour, like with cussing that can’t be achieved in english. but while i understand and read several languages i have always always struggled to speak or write in them. it’s very frustrating so i often avoid the subject entirely lol.

19. first fandom you wrote for?

i’ve been writing fanfic in my head since before i knew what it was, but i started typing things at around 11 when i used to homestuck roleplay with my friends lol. messy messy times.

20. favorite fic you’ve ever written?

oh i am my own target audience. i have several.

i need a man (who’s patient and kind): keith-centric post canon (divergence) fic where lance takes him to his family and keith is good with kids and just keith being loved is the whole point. always.

what if i lose it all: an alternate universe where lance, as a baby, loses both his parents, and then is raised by his oldest siblings. in luis’ pov.

when does a ripple become a tidal wave (when does the reason become the flame): brogane fight & angst canon divergence post season 6; covering shiro’s guilt complex and keith’s unwavering loyalty

he’s into superstitions (black cats and voodoo dolls): halloween verse with witch lance and vampire keith! i have barely spoken about this au on here but rest assured i’m thinking about it all the fucking time

the applebee’s universe: modern au with young keith and lance learning how to love each other

ceilings (plaster): non-linear dream-like fic that’s just so trippy and strange i’m obsessed with it

if the sky comes falling down (for you) there’s nothing in this world i wouldn’t do: a keith character study about how the biggest bleeding heart in the universe loves

the hana universe: brogane-centric universe as their family starts rocky and grows

thank u again for the tag zen <33 open offer for anyone else who would like to hop on!!

[sae-something]

Wanted to make a little update post of some sort but it turned a little long. I also write about the mdsa stuffs so consider this a heads up.

This week I've just been feeling broken and exhausted. Some new flashback or something popped up in therapy on monday. If it holds truth, it could mean that the mdsa stuff went on a lot longer than I thought til now. I shouldn't be as surprised because there had been flashes and fears before, but I just really, really wanted to suppress that and be like "okay, if it happened at all, at least it was only for like two years". That suddenly stretched to the possibility of a period of (at least) 5 years.

Had online A today and just cried, a lot. The little detective part (trying to understand, make sense) is bleeding through a lot. Also a lot of grief about A being so kind and caring - today some part asked her, 'Why was it so hard for mom to be nice to be when it seems so easy for you to do?'. I immediately added, 'Well, of course, maybe it's not easy for you at all, I don't know'. But A made it very clear that it is easy for her to care about me.

And then she offered to check her email 'once or twice' next week (during her week off), so we can 'keep a bit of connection'. I checked if she's really sure I won't ruin her vacation, but she insisted. It really means a lot to me, though I don't know that I'd have words.

At some point some part cried out, 'I'm just so scared of having to go back [to mom] when the year is over' (the no contact year technically ends late january). Haven't really had time yet to talk through the details with A, but I really don't feel like reconnecting with my parents. This part talked a little bit about 'being bad' for not going back, and A said something about how that probably explains a bit about why (as a kid) I kept going back to her, kept looking for her.

I interrupted and said, well, I feel the same way now - I fear people might have understood me taking a break, but making it more definite will make people go 'how can a daughter do that, abandon her mother like that'. I cried and said how scared I am A will think that. She replied something along the lines of, 'When we talk about this more I will tell you that I don't think you are ready to go reconnect yet, there is so much still happening, you are not at a point where you can hold yourself and connect with her'.

We didn't really dive into it but it meant a lot to me that she said that. It brings some space and relief. And I know we'll talk about it more over the coming weeks & months as that anniversary comes up.

Anyway. This has been a bit of an update. I've just been in pain (?body memories?) and exhausted. I would never tell anyone else this, but the little detective part is just constantly repeating "but if this happened at 8, I would have remembered, 8 is so old! You don't just forget things when you're 8!". I just can't understand it. I feel like lots of strong little magnets that I just can't push together. Everything is bouncing off of each other and nothing connects.

And also the actual content of the ?flashback? from monday just feels disgusting and impossible. Nothing, like, new or extreme or anything. Just, how could she? How could she stand next to my bed and stroke my head and chat about my day, while also, while also there was a hand beneath the blanket doing things that were not happening, things that were not felt, things that were not real. But it hurt and it hurt and it hurt and it hurt. How could she have been like that? How can someone do that? Act so nice and have a monster hand doing monster things?

(I know those are dumb questions. I know many people all over the world do all kinds of horrifying things to little kids. The questions are just stuck on a loop inside my brain...)

I'm so tired. Gonna have to fix some food now and then just flop on the couch.

[starbug-space]

🧡 Employment AU🧡

Check pinned post for over all TW, as many overlap.

Cw: age gap fuckery (reader is in his late 40s/early 50s), age play, hurt/comfort, physical hurt/healing themes, chronic illness, body dysmorphia.

Donnie hires you. "It's partially out of a desire for our dearest, significantly older little brother to have enrichment, and partially because he keeps fucking with our stuff. Lately he's been getting bored of fucking with our stuff and eloping-you do know what means, yes? Ah, good. April said you had experience working with animals, neurodivergent seniors and children, which is perfect, though sometimes it's hard to tell when she's being honest or when she owes an old coworker a favor."

He leads you around the center of their unothodox home, peeking into every nook and cranny, places no human could fit into. "Mikey will be your charge, he is an ornate box turtle mutant, he refuses to tell us his age however he appears to be the fastest seventy-five year old alive. He is sweet, lovely, enjoys tormenting others and smothering them in affection whilst also manipulating them. How all these things can be true at once is something I'll figure out when I've finally gotten a full night's sleep."

You gaze sweeps the giant, abandoned and subsequently inhabited subway tunnel, scanning for movement. "How long has he been living with you? April said he just moved in."

"Three long, touching, heartfelt, but excruciatingly tiring weeks."

Donnie introduces you to three other mutants. Also turtles, based in different species, but he calls them his brothers. Sweet. One of them is 'big Mikey,'

A boy just above your height, frame filled out with muscle and just a bit heavy with chub. Pretty. They all are. They're what though, thirty? Near half your age; not on the table. The boys who don't seem to be in charge of paying you give mumbled reports of no Mikey sighted.

Donnie sighs, opens security camera feeds on the holographic screen his wrist device projects, and begins to scroll as he inundates you with information. You nod, and make mental note that you'll have to just be fine with being recorded and watched at all times, as you don't feel like turning down the proposed paycheck.

This isn't an interview, you were hired on recommendation and asked to start immediately. Understandable. Their choices were slim, and the people they would want to know the exact location of their dwelling were even fewer in number. You can work in this position. So you will.

Donnie squints at a feed and zooms in, the screen automatically typing out a list of instructions as he speaks, Raph (biggest, spiky) shifting foot to foot behind him, Leo (medium giant turtle sized, flashy) and Big Mikey slumped against each other.

"We can't keep track of him and its stressful-Mikey if you hear this, we love you. You are just very fast and have a penchant for putting yourself in danger. Or using mystic-oh, you are aware of yokai mystic, yes? Excellent. Don't let him use it.

"Your job is to keep him fed (Mikey has trained himself to have few hunger cues/has strong reactions to certain textures and might not seek out food on his own, or might just forget.) Keep him amused, (Mikey gets bored and lonely very easily, once he bonds with you he'll have the connection he needs for you to be a source of comfort and regulation. He is incredibly affectionate, physically and otherwise.)

"You are to make sure he feels loved, and keep him busy. He knows you've been hired to do so and may use that fact to... mess with you. You should be fine. Or, rather, you will be fine, because this is the job you were hired for.

"He has a lot of trauma and triggers, is unwilling to share them with us but may open up to you. So be prepared for stories of the impossible that might be real, please treat them as such." Leo hits the floor, big Mikey follows. Raph sits next to them, blinking one eye then the other.

Donnie scrolls around, sending you a transcript of this conversation and lists of resources/extra instructions. He looks exhausted as well. "Please keep him as happy and busy as you can, he is incredibly understimulated here after years of living in fight or flight with constant action. If he wants to rest, all the power to you, but as of yet we have not seen him sleep."

Donnie looks up from the screen. You get the impression that eye contact hurts the both of you.

"This part is very, very important-Leo's fine, he does that, don't worry-do not let him use mystic. If he starts glowing, or pretty gold shit appears, he levitates? Shut that shit down, redirect any way possible. He loves visual art, food, and amusement parks, at least he used to. He likes playing a lot-"

"Who does?"

The four boys sprawled out and barely standing respectively chorus 'Hey Mikey' when the figure drops down from the ceiling to hang in front of your face.

Donnie sighs. "See the chains? That. That is what we do not want, as it DRAINS YOUR ENERGY AND LIFEFORCE, Mikey."

You are three inches away from his face. "They're talking about you, giving me instructions."

Mikey looks you up and down, and beams.

"Dude. You need to wear clothes."

"But whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy."

"Because of the laws that say you need to wear clothes."

"Those don't apply-"

You pull up a video explaining the law that does indeed exist, as of two months ago. He pouts, and falls back onto his fluffy nest of a bed.

"You're terrible at being a pervert, daddy."

"Uh huh. You still have to wear clothes."

He stares at you. His thighs are apart, showing off a fat little tail. Cute. His thighs could be fatter, cerulean skin speckled with even more gold as his markings grow and stretch to accommodate his slow growth, soft and giving. You can fix that. He looks like he hasn't properly eaten in years, needs to gain weight anyway, you know, for his health. Teach him to call you a pervert.

But right now it's day motherfucking one, and you're already having to bargain for basic complacency with the law.

His smile widens. You didn't even flinch. Sure, he wants a reaction but he flirted with you. And you weren't disgusted. Looking over twice his age, being a mutant, and surviving an apocalypse have done nothing kind to Mikey's self-confidence. You're a human, beautiful, the beauty standard. A pretty, older man. And you didn't balk when he called you daddy.

Oh, maybe you thought he was kidding. Best try again, just to be sure.

"I'll wear clothes if they're yours, Daddy."

"That's fine, as long as you're wearing them on the way to go clothes shopping."

You look down at the tiny boy swallowed up in your hoodie, all smiles, holding your hand and leaning into you as you head out. You don't see Donnie in the flesh, but you receive a text a few minutes later, wandering out into New York autumn.

-oh good he's bonded to you already. Excellent. I was so relieved to hear april's friend was a man when she recommended you-

You look down at your charge, happily nuzzling his cheek into your arm. -Why's that now?-

Donnie sends a remarkably cute image of the two of you.

-He likes boys.-

Mikey is cozy and warm in a hoodie with bear ears, toasty from your body heat. It drapes over him like a dress, cradles and swallows him up. He's holding your hand, delighted with you. You didnt even flinch when he dropped down in front of you, when he grabbed your hand. He was able to get you to lend him your hoodie in less than ten minutes! You rub your thumb over his scales absentmindedly, answer every question and request (demand) with amused patience.

He'll have to work hard to find buttons to press for fun. But he likes this. He likes you. Gazing up at your face, admiring your features. Maybe later he'll fake an injury so you carry him a few feet. (You carry him all the way home, you are so strong and his cheeks are flushed despite himself and he already adores you, cajoling you into staying for dinner.)

Donnie informs you. "He's faking, you know."

You look at the boy in your arms and say "That's fine, he can just ask next time though."

His cheeks darken. His hands curl into your shirt. You gently sway him back and forth as you chat with Donnie.

Taller, younger Mikey made so much food, beyond grateful to have his kitchen and art studio back. It's amazing. Mikey huffs that he can make amazing food too, you ask if he wants to cook with you later. His brothers eye the two of you as mikey squeals and stims by bapping at your arm and chest. Surely he'll be able to relearn how to cook. It cant be as bad as last time. (It can and will be. He cries, and you order takeout, stalling with appetizers as you redo the recipe, the whole thing with Mikey's help. It actually turns out well, not pretty or extravagant like big Mikey's food, but still.

[syscultureis]

I've been questioning if I'm a system or not lately:

I have considered it before, and the only reason I dropped it is because my parents convinced me that "they would have known."

I have recently connected with a family member who witnessed my childhood trauma from an outside perspective, so that might be affecting my perception?

I have large gaps in my memory from early childhood (trauma-related), and have had a pretty bad memory for as long as I can remember (like with things I'm supposed to do later in the day, forgetting obligations I made earlier, and forgetting when I've told someone a piece of information, and with names - like, absolutely terrible with names). But, my academic memory is sharper than most people I know.

I often feel like I have little "resets" throughout the day where my train of thought completely derails or I start having no train of thought at all, like I completely dissociate and only realize that I hadn't been thinking after a while. Like I suddenly take a breath and sit straighter, or I feel my internal "voice" change tone, stuff like that.

I also pretty much never feel like the same person every day (fashion style, way of speaking, interests (sometimes), work ethic, etc.). I have a hard time staying interested in friendships and growing certain relationships, and then I would suddenly crave that person's company again later on.

I dissociate a lot, and I have noticed it before. I moved into a dorm a while ago, away from my family (which was very, very chaotic in all senses of the word) - so maybe that's why I'm starting to notice it more now?

I'm not sure what to do with my questions, and I want to ask if there's a website or another blog that I could go to in order to get more info?

Sorry for the long ask, I'm just really confused right now and all the medical articles I've read are nudging me in the direction of me being a system.

Thank you, I appreciate it a lot. Take care.

That honestly sounds very similar to our experiences mate. You also tend to notice symptoms more when you're aware of them

And trust me your parents very well could never have noticed if you were a system. Our parents never did

It's a covert disorder, it's meant to hide

And I'm not one of the smartest alters in our systems so idk a whole bunch I could say to help you figure it out, but if someone wants to reply to the post they might be able to help more

[angelosearch]

Once you get this, you have to say five things you like about yourself, publicly. Then you have to send this to ten of your favourite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool~) 🌈🌈

First off, thanks for this! ❤️ yaaaay an ask game!!!

Second... OH MY GOD five things Iike about myself?! This is going to be hard. But my therapist would be so happy to know I've been given this challenge, haha.

And of course, I have to provide details and addendums to these because I have to treat everything like a personal essay. Ugh.

I am a loud cringe nerd

I have fun facts for days, if not weeks

Music is my religion

I bet I can make you laugh

I understand my narrative

Longer answers under the cut.

I am not afraid to show enthusiasm/honesty and be loud. You know the part of your brain that tells you to not do embarrassing/cringe/over-the-top-thing before you do it? I am not going to try and diagnose it but that literally does not exist for me. I will sing along loudly to songs in public; I am the person at a wedding who never leaves the dancefloor; I dress in bright colors and wear the weirdest prints; I will laugh or cry uncontrollably if the moment calls for it. I am incapable of holding back positivity and excitement. I will gush about how great something or someone is. If I like your shoes, I am 100% going to tell you, no fear. All of this can make life really fun. It attracts people with good energy into my orbit. It makes me feel like the last thing I am is boring - but I also go home and regret every minute of it because of the second-hand embarrassment later. Somehow all these things are wrong to do in my head (even though I am never moved like this by negativity, fear, or hate), yet I cannot stop myself from doing them. I loathe that I am a book with a broken spine that cannot stay closed. I hate every inch of space I take up. I cannot stop being vulnerable which is great for therapy but not so great for being a normal, functioning adult. I fear sometimes that people think that I believe my thoughts are all-important because I share them all. Nope. I just literally have no choice in the matter. The thoughts and actions pop into my head and they must be heard/done.

I am an endless fountain of "fun" facts because I am interested in a lot of stuff and love to learn. I think "did you know that..." is my most used phase. If I have a fun fact on a subject, you will know (it's something else I feel I have no control over). My hand will be up if I don't just blurt it out. And I am always rolling them up in my Katamari-Ball brain, listening to podcasts, reading articles, watching documentaries, and other videos. I remember these weird fringe things but then I will forget your name and your job. Don't tell me what you're into because I AM going to do a deep dive and suddenly be an expert in it. Tbh it's a great skill for a writer, but I am pretty sure it annoys people around me. Especially when all the fun facts are related to whatever I am obsessed with at the moment. You'll never guess what I have way too many fun facts about right now.

I connect with music, so strongly it's almost spiritual. Singing and listening to music have always been my go-to coping skills. I learned to drive very late in life (at 30 - but that is a story for another day) and at first I was a horribly anxious driver. But once I realized my car could become my little mobile box of music where I could just belt it out 24/7, I learned to love driving. Lyrics help me understand the prism of my experience and others. I love when songs make me dance, or cry, or give me goosebumps. My shower is my favorite place in my new house because of the great acoustics; plus, there is enough space to pull off an entire shower concert, complete with choreography. Concerts and karaoke make me feel like I am connected to the universe and everyone in the venue. I love my taste in music, which sounds weird, but I am just so proud of my eclectic taste. Also! I am mad skilled at identifying songs and artists and samples, probably because I have listened to so. Much. Music. The downside to this one is that I emotionally connect so thoroughly with every song that I enjoy that a bad association will make the song/artist or even the genre unbearable to listen to (see: country music). Also, some people in my life don't understand why I prioritize concerts so highly and are very critical of me for it. I can't help that a concert is the closest thing I have to a church!

I have a great sense of humor (or at least I think so). If you have followed me for more than two seconds, you have probably figured out that I am constantly attempting (and hopefully succeeding?) to be funny. I try VERY HARD to make people laugh. If you were to talk to me in real life, you'd quickly discover that I would come up with puns in our conversation like we're having a funny rap battle. My favorite tools are wordplay and re-contextualization but I also have quote upon quote and will use physical humor, too. The good thing is that I can make myself laugh, for sure. Like I said yesterday, I embody Chrysippus. A lot of comedians claim their jokes are hiding pain. I've recently realized that I use my humor a little differently--since my social anxiety has convinced me that no one in the world wants anything to do with me at any given moment, I use my jokes as sort of a litmus test. If you're laughing, there is a very strong chance that you don't actively hate me at that very moment. I think this strategy probably annoys people and probably comes off at inappropriate. Don't bring me to a funeral.

I can contextualize my personal story. Somewhere between taking autobiography/memoir and essay classes in college and over a decade of therapy, I've become exquisitely good at taking an event in my life or facet of my personality and placing it in the context of my life. Does that make sense? Like in high school English class I took so much joy out of reading a novel and analyzing character motivations and author intent and "why is the wallpaper yellow." I am still very good at reading something and identifying symbolism, but now I mostly use this same skill to look back at the story of my life and find patterns and connections. I think this will help me as an Art Therapist, and, if my personal essays and posts are actually any good, then it is helping me as a writer as well. But this is a double-edged sword in therapy. It means I can sit in the chair and practically therapize myself. But lives are not novels. We are not characters. Sometimes the wallpaper is just yellow. My over-cerebral approach to my understanding of self makes me come off as "not sick enough" in some settings--I've been told by peers and staff many times while in treatment, "Why are you here? You seem fine!" Well, the truth is, just because you understand why the monster is in the book, you can't always outrun it. Sure, it can help to know where the monster came from and why he's chasing you, but if you get too caught up in that it may slow you down. Or you will run the wrong way because you are so sure you understand him. Or you will run so well that no one will notice you are running at all.

[d1gnan]

some thoughts abt aesthetics, the way people engage with my art so far and also stuff youll be seeing from me in the next year..

first off i wanna say im not actually educated on any of this and its all just coming from personal experience/ its kind of just a mad mans rambling

im the kind of person who is always curating, always putting like with like (on a consistently changing/personal/almost random metric that spans like any kind of media , things tangible and abstract, my memories, yadda yadda (everyone does this to some degree but as an artist and an introspective person, i find it hard to just let stuff go once i form a connection. (and im sure a lot of u guys reading this are like this too, tumblr is like The website for people like this) im hyper aware of everything that ever happens to me and im always trying to connect everything with everything else

(forgive me too in advance cause ive never been satisfied with my ability to explain myself and usually i just let everything i do speak for itself/dont bother trying. im really really visual and i usually think of things In pictures too so it just frustrates me to try and describe something thats worth a thousand words..

jewelry came pretty quickly to me as a favorite art form because its a way to convey some of what goes on in my head when i engage with the media i like , being able to turn all these pretty abstract feelings into colors shapes symbols.. a lot of times when i listen to something or watch something, i get almost itchy with the feeling of needing to get the way i percieved it out into the world in a visual and tangible way asap before it loses its original shape or before i forget how it made me feel. (dementia runs in my family so a lot of my art is trying to archive my feelings since i know i wont have them forever.. its almost a frantic need to be seen/known by others before its too late.

a lot of the jewelry ive custom made for people has been specifically music and film related, and thats been a great thing because i can both 1) make something that satisfies my own vision of the thing but 2) it is still easily readable by others as related 2 the source material because the design language usually is distinct enough to withstand being skewed too much by my own personal associations

moving forward tho, i have a TON of ideas for way more personal/abstract/highly conceptual projects, and have been slowly gathering pieces so that i can do full justice to my vision for them.

doing this has first and foremost always been an art form/way to express myself . i do it because of the ideas, i do it because i have to do it, and then im left with a bunch of stuff that i would like way more to be in the hands of someone who relates to it. and, i do it in a way thats not at all good for being a business owner. if i'm going to create a product, i would be going against my ideals if i didnt try to battle with all the things i hate about products. fast fashion and aliexpress craft supplies and mass production.. (to have a successful business you need a lot of the same product, it needs to be easy to make and you need to be able to get your materials cheap. all of which i can't and wouldn't do, so it's a very shit thing to attempt to make a living off of..

maybe this sounds a little funny too when you look at my work and then at what i have to say about it.that i think about it so seriously since it's something any one can do. my kid sister makes jewelry, it's a pretty accesible hobby. the idea of making jewelry based off of media is also the furthest thing from unique, which brings me thinking about the reception of my art online so far, and some weird stuff i've noticed.

when you're making anything that you mention is directly "inspired by" something else, you run into some pretty weird habits from others online, and a kind of unique way of engaging with "aesthetics" thats started in the past couple years. what im talking about now is less movies/music. its stuff that blurs the line between an existing body of work to reference and just a concept. ( y2k, fill in the blank-core, frutiger metro/aero).. i'm really into most eras of these fashion / design trends/aesthetics in a historian/archivist kind of way, and i really enjoy to do work inspired by things like this, but these are always way more personally influenced than anything made for a movie/music. i went semi-viral (feels so dumb to say seriously lol) on tiktok for a frutiger metro/sleepyhead by passion pit inspired bracelet.

i get hate on most posts on tiktok since its a gigantic platform(as well as praise) but the majority of comments always tend to be people correcting the authenticity to the aesthetic ive listed as an inspiration. people way smarter than me have way better things to say on this, and if i tried to go too into detail with it this post would be even crazy longer, but ive seen people call it "what aesthetic is this" culture, (some examples of this: " "this aesthetic is called this, not that" "this aesthetic is from this time frame only" xyz

i never know what to do, because i want to respond by explaining that i see these aesthetic names/labeling system solely as a tool. to help people find and connect like with like. labeling aesthetics is just recognizing a pattern. knowing the "name" of an aesthetic can help you find similar things, but there are no set time periods to any of this unless you are specifically making something that is an exact recreation of something else or making a period piece. everything comes back in some way over and over again. rigidly defining aesthetics is flawed/missing the point because aesthetics are completely individual/unmeasurable/skewed by experiences/memories/opinions. its a little different too when it comes to stuff thats actually like made For marketing cause that Will have an exact language that goes with it or whatever, but most of the time i see people arguing about an aesthetic thats not even applicable. there are genuinely no rules to what fits an aesthetic because anything you create, you add your own experiences to and are effectively continuing these patterns in a new way/ sometimes creating a whole new movement or sub category if you are really into labeling it as something directly. peoples personal art is definitely affected by their time/whatever the common design language was at the time, so thats where a lot of the names get born, but when you make it this rigid thing , "this needs to be more like this.. this needs to be more like that.." you'd be right- but only in the sense that yes, it IS that way, For You. in your mind you experience it that way, it is your personal relation to seeing these patterns. and you can use these aesthetic tools to expand on what was done before you, you can use these images to convey your own perspective so that i can try to understand it.

marketing vs personal aesthetics is a different thing that idk how to tackle with my like super limited language but for example, when someone is using a popular aesthetic to sell you something, you can tell. it's shallow and impersonal. looking back on ads that are dated and use a certain aesthetic usually tinges them with nostalgia that you can take and make into something that it wasn't because you have this priceless new angle to look at it with. if you believe in aesthetics as being this rigid thing, you dont get new ideas, you dont get new sub aesthetics, you dont get new movements, you get a copy of a copy, you get shein clothes. and! anyone can call anything they want an "aesthetic" ..any collection of things together influenced by anything in the world can be an entirely new aesthetic.. and im so sick of typing the word aesthetic

but i know that if theyre commenting something like this, they r so fundamentally different from me/ engage with the world in such a different way then i do that it would be a waste of time to try to explain..

i am a little scared when i launch some of the new projects i've been working on they'll be met with this kind of reaction. maybe ill try to write some kind of TLDR, some kind of zine to send along with any of my bracelets, some kind of manifesto about sustainability/personalization/mindful consumpution.. but it takes a long time for me to feel good about explaining myself, even this post ive deleted and restarted countless times.

ill post some more about some of the "aesthetics " (i gotta figure out better language for this shit i swear to god) ive found inspiring that have heavily influenced these upcoming projects, as well as scans from books ive collected that match the design language and i definitely want to release kind of a companion zine with the collections that include music/fashion/home photos etc...

if u have any thoughts or anything about any of this id love to hear it, or answer questions or expand on shit, this is kind of just like a word version of me throwing mac and cheese up at the ceiling and seeing if anything sticks.

thanks to anyone whos said anything nice about my stuff, i love u guys more than lyfe

and if you read all of this youre a g

💚

[somevagrantchild]

Khayman, Raymond Gallant, Aunt Queen, Gretchen, Merrick :)

manomanomanoman Now we're talking! Okay, hmm....

Aunt Queen. What an absolute delight of a character! Strong, sassy, smart, funny, generous, and super feminine. With all the nonsense Anne went through being criticized for her female characters, I'm so glad she still had it in her to give us this dynamite lady. Also cool to have ELDERLY female characters get such attention and depth. Killing her off with the most shocking tragedy of that whole book 😭

The rest of these are SO close, that the order is going to be negligible

....

Khayman, but specifically his early self version. I'm not into smiling, childlike loopy modern Khayman, nor his descent into madness at the end. But I am so here for Khayman back when he was Akasha's henchman, and his gradual transition from being a devoted servant to realizing he was on the wrong side of history and turning against the tyrants. Get you a guy who can start a thousand year war....and win! How tortured he was about having to rape the twins, yet still being able (physically and emotionally) to do it, is so messy and complex! I love that dark stuff. That he's also just as much Jesse's greatx300 grandpa as Maharet is her grandma is also neat. People seem to only focus on Maharet as her ancestor and forget he's equally attached to Jesse.

Merrick is 3 only because she's less boring than the other two, though I've never been into her as a character. I don't hate her like so many people do, but I sure don't like her or ship it! I do like how dark her story is, how wrong it was of her to manipulate Louis and David the way she did, but how cool it was to see her (especially a female character) have so much power over these two men. And It's so messy and complicated the way Louis and David both feel about it after, because they do genually love her, and she wronged them, but it doesn't make them turn against her, their feelings are so twisty and they keep her in the family and are happy to be with her. A lot of Anne's relationships are like that, people can't just turn their feelings on and off and be all like "girl dump him" just cause the character has some evil in them. They're all evil, and that's the point! And they accept each other's evils along with their love, because that is just what kind of creatures they are. Also, it's cool to have a POC vampire's story added into the chronicles (even if she's only 1/8 black, and her family was white passing, she still grew up in black culture), and learning that there was a whole black side to the Mayfair witches, thanks to Julian the wonderslut, was awesome.

Gretchen is really really important to her book and to Lestat's character development, and I really appreciate her as a character for that. I think she's extremely well written, and such a complex, realistic, sympathetic person. But she's just not my type of person. If I had to write her in a fic, I'd be interested in the challenge of it, like with all things, but I wouldn't be excited. I'm glad Lestat was able to get over her quickly.

Raymond Gallant. Nothing at all wrong with this guy, but he barely even goes here. I liked how he functioned in Marius's story, and that he connects Marius to the Talamasca, and helps him with everything, but he pops up too late. It doesn't feel like great writing that he only suddenly appears in the story RIGHT before such a character would be useful to Marius. I would have liked to have him incorporated in a more gradual and less magically convenient way. I'm also not that into him as a ghost. He doesn't serve any plot or world-building purpose that Gremt and Magnus and Hesketh don't serve just fine. Feels like he's only there because it was one of Anne's "wouldn't it be cool if..." moments, and not for real structural or emotional reasons in the story. An editor would have either had her make him be more integrated in the story or told her to cut him out. But as a person, he's nice guy. And poor Marius needs as many friends as he can get. I wish we got to see them spending more time together.

[sunny-lynn606]

Okay so.... I've decided to do an intro post since I'm more active on here now.

Hello there !

I'm Vinni !! Here's some basic info about me:

AroAce Spectrum

Male , He/They

18 years old

Poet , artist , and writer

Likely has: OCD , C-PTSD , AuDHD

I have a lot of different interests so I'm not gonna try listing them lol , just scroll through my page (after reading the before you follow section ofc) to see what I'm currently obsessing over !

BEFORE YOU FOLLOW:

I love meeting new people , but I have a few preferences. I also have people I REFUSE to interact with.

I PREFER my followers being 18 years or older (but -18 are allowed).

I allow NSFW accounts to INTERACT but NOT follow.

I do NOT allow PROSHIPPERS to interact OR follow.

Basic DNI criteria applies (no pedos , no homophobes , etc)

I can block freely / outside this DNI list , but it's rare !

Anyways , that's all the DNI stuff ! Here's additional important information:

I vent on here sometimes ! This is just a random blog , after all ! I'll try to hide it under a cut and the proper warnings.

This blog covers dark topics such as relationship abuse , substance/alcohol abuse , death , and more ! Take my post warnings seriously.

Fun Stuff !!!1!!

My kinlist !

This is terrible , and it gets worse when I include Souls of the Perished and Project Euphoria characters !!!! I'm burning in Hell for this list ! /j

My Projects !!! (A summary)

Souls of the Perished has 7 planned seasons , so a " summary " is a very generous label for this.

Welcome to the Vinni Cinematic Universe !!! Here we got:

Souls of the Perished: Kassandra , also known as The Masked Vendetta , has been a monster hunter for 10+ years now. However , as of late , something different has caught her eye. After all these years she finally found connections regarding the massacre she witnessed as a teenager and starts demon hunting. Meanwhile , her 17 (almost 18) year old kid , Meg , starts questioning the tales Leon has told them in regards to his mother Kassandra and why she's been absent his whole life. Also , he keeps having strange dreams about dead people that look like him , as well as dreams about his mother's whereabouts , but that has nothing to do with anything , right ?

Project Euphoria: An estranged and alcoholic surgeon convinces 4 young adults to become test subjects for his experiment Project Euphoria , claiming it can erase all bad memories. As these people are thrown into a new dimension , it turns out " Haven " is a lot more malicious than originally intended. Does Doctor Euphoria know ? How will everyone get out before it swallows them all whole ?

Temptation's Abyss: A prequel to Project Euphoria that delves into Lorenzo Frutta's / Stranger's (Dr Euphoria's father) backstory. Likely very short , out of order , and messy , figure out how Lorenzo became such a horrible person !

OCs I'll Mention a Lot (probably)

Lord Exousia !!!!

King of Hell , Makeshift God , Killer of Gods , THE Son of God , the original Light Bringer. My man Exousia has many nicknames , and he has just as many mental problems ! Killing 2 Gods and inheriting their memories to the point you sometimes forget your own identity would probably do that to anyone !!! Huzzah ! He is the most sane trans man allegory !

Meg Arcadia Syzygy !!!!

Ah yes , The Soul Reader ! The poor chirp chirp ! The silly guy ! The aspiring bug scientist ! I'm sure their mother isn't insanely absent , and I'm sure the Killer of Gods will not lie about his identity to keep this kid by his side ! I'm sure she will go to college with her best online friend Astryd like he wants to !!! O-oh ? What's that......?

Kassandra Solstice Syzygy !!!

She's very normal. She's definitely not a comphet lesbian that started a family just so her comphet gay best friend with shared trauma would stay. Did I mention she doesn't have abandonment issues ? She also follows her moral code very well and does NOT use it as an excuse to do whatever she pleases ! She's not a demon slayer either ! Haha , who's Masked Vendetta ??? WHO ???? She's just a former (unofficial) exorcist , nothing more !!!

Rot !

My favorite zombie angel ! She's heartless , and she'll kill you just so Karael doesn't kill her , but she's cool. Would definitely eat an entire raw bag of sugar just for the heck of it. Smells like rotten flesh 24/7 because again , his heart was ripped out and used as leverage ! Fun guy !!! Would recommend spending time with him.

AND MORE !!!!

Anyways BYEEEEEE !!!! Have fun here !!!!

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary320

8/4-5/24

sunday - monday

didn't do a lot today...

just made oatmeal, earlier today i was craving a grilled cheese instead of stir fry so i made that to eat. it was really good... i like eating it with chips... i want more of that but it's okay. i guess i've been depressed lately but i dunno why, it's hard to figure out why or what would make me so sad feeling, could it really be the necklace? idk. i just sort of feel pointless lately, as in like my existence is stupid and i'm useless and a parasite and things. it's hard to do a lot about that, or maybe it's not, but i just feel that way and it makes doing things difficult, although i guess in terms of keeping the place clean and stuff, today was good. i can't forget, we're gonna have people over on wednesday, so i should scrub the floors and stuff again.

i read a short story today, by benjamin weissman, from his book dead dead person, called museum boy.

you can read it here.

or maybe you'll have to flip back a few pages on the link or something, it's also a book you need to rent from the i.e. for the whole one hour rental thing. which i can't complain about beyond finding it ridiculous that this is the limit placed on the i.e. by greedy idiots who scramble in a way that only destroys the industry they're trying to protect, limiting what people can read/potential to read stuff online will only make people less interested in reading books!!

the story though, is very good, in a way that crept up on me, at first i didn't really care for it, not like a dislike of any sort, just finding it, idk, not immediately exciting, and maybe a little clumsy i'm not sure. but as it went on the more clear it felt that all of that was in some way intentional, and that it was doing that to get somewhere, where this kid is so self aware, he says things like he doesn't like new things, and then he's beside himself when he is liking new things, overwhelmed, you get a sense of why he's apprehensive about the new, and then at the same time, why you need to give yourself over to these experiences and visions. it's a little puerile in places but i don't know, even this works, it gets at the kind of hideous matter beneath the regular, i think, sacrifical/ritual underpinnings of the everyday, where that nightmare is outlined but never really engaged with. the stuff about the mother looking back on her past, all the dates saved up, the reminiscing about all things, and then this awareness in the story about needing to move on, there's this tight-rope act here, between the regular, the past/history, and how that propels us forward, there's this beautiful part where the boy talks about not wanting to be put back in the baby carriage, that he already did his time, that he doesn't want to hold hands with his parents, that he wants to move towards adulthood and at the same time, if he is going to be treated in such a way, imprisoned in some sense, it's only to be under the condition that he might have killed someone, to be given the chance to do something awful, as he says, to smash a face off. he ruminates earlier, maybe i am an angry boy. he is full of the horror of life, it propels him, he enjoys it. his parents are too, the reflections are so strange and distant too, not weird because of the content, as in, when he says: when my parents argue it seems like it's all over, or somesuch thing, this is a normal and real feeling, it's that he's so articulate, this is one of the things that always worked for me in the story though, i think the clarity of that, and then the poetic leaps elsewhere, it encapsulates the feeling of being young and in those moments of reflection, where it's so clear, but it can't leave the inside of your head, everything out of your mouth, it's cat nails on a door, it's all like begging, it's all what returns you to the point of being infantilized, back into the shape/pre-echo of the prison. how odd, i didn't make this connection but there is something of foucault in the ubiquity of the prison in the story.

another beautiful thing about the way the story is written, along the lines of what i just said about the boy's reflection, here's a line:

those cherries are soaked in the same stuff doctors inject into dead people. i could eat them all day.

it's the flatness of the words, it's so flat, it's so present, it lets itself be. i suppose i could learn a lot from that, sometimes i am not content with that. but there's such a great balance of the subtle everyday horror of how we all love strange and terrible foods, our affections up against our awarenesses, i guess there's something lovely here about how the story mobilizes these ways of thinking into the ways people develop. i can't explain it, now though, i am beset by thoughts of blanchot, perhaps in the anonymized way he wrote his narration, the distance between the people, their non-person-ness, in one sense, and that their lack of i dunno, strength of character in a way, rather than making them universal or mythic, made them more particular, but as response to circumstance, life and time, they were icons of particularity, maybe not icon, they're operations perhaps, locomotion of thought and desire, the pulsions of life on display, open-heart-surgery, maybe. that's what that sequence in thomas the obscure, where thomas is reading and the words circle around him as he descends into the particulars of language, of the world the, of all words, their relation, the way that dissolves and reconstitutes itself at once, words are angels around his head, a kind of vision of vascular tissue and little pulses of odd mostly unseen muscles, a magnification of void-like whispers in existing, i guess, where we sink, that echos the beginning of the book, where he floats in the sea, there is a fog, he is nowhere, or as he buries himself, the blind cat, not loss of self, but abandonment of anchor and location, yes. i recall the howl of the cat now. so i suppose this story has had a greater effect than i really felt before. it is good to discuss it here, it is making me feel better.

another thing about the voice in the story, this is i suppose a little general but it really avoids so much ugly sentimentalism, it would be so easy for it to be sentimental, a story about why art means anything to people, how that can change you as a kid, it's not really about that, honestly, or it's only a little about that right, or it's enmeshed with all these other meanings and that's the special thing, the interlinking of all this, anyhow, it would be easy to make this corny, or on paper it would be, but it is not, it jumps over that and it grasps that abjection, horror, all these things we put out later in life, the boy notes this by some measure early on, about tastes changing as you grow older, the child more free to engage with these portions of life, and free to see them touched on in art, or engage with the stranger portions, this is what grabs some of us at least, i think many of us, it feels nourishing to see that, i suppose.

i really do need to get something solid down for the short film soon. guh. it's just hard. i don't know why. or i do know why. them asking me to do an imitation of a style is just rough for me, not in an ego way just that i don't even know how to work with some of those sounds perfectly.

it should be okay though. i work via iteration a lot, i'll figure it out, i just have to start where you start, w/ any kind of effort.

today's just been like the others, very lowkey, maybe i need to do more, but also maybe i get really lethargic on days where i am not working out, but i need at least 2 rest days out of the week, i hope it's not the intermittent fasting making me more unstable or something. i don't think so though. but i do feel a little more crazy lately, i just think it's like, feeling interrupted in the day to day by some things, like going out, but then the alternative almost feels like a neet almost trapped feeling maybe. idk. it's also the sleep schedule.

i've gotta sleep now though, it's too late but at least the sun is not out right now.

so

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[haechanhues]

First, happy new year! I'm actually really excited for 2024 and hope you all are too! I'm just gonna share some moments of the year with you all (some are sad and there are trigger warnings just a psa but most of them are happy.)

tw : mentions of s****de and depression. animal death, surgery and weightloss, nsfw implications and mentions of smut. this is so long that i've just kind of scrapped this other idea i had...

My 23 for 23!

This is kind of a joint December 2022 - February 2023 effort but I wrote 'Just Say It'. It's my favourite smau I've ever written and like, the absolute love I got from it and love I had while writing it too.. Will never forget the feeling.

I also underwent surgery for the first time ever. I don't exactly hide from the fact that I've had it and I can't really anyway. i had weight loss surgery at the beginning of the year and my surgeon and everyone has been brilliant in the recovery process. It's also left me feeling a lot more confident and happy and just- I actually love it.

I wrote smut for the first time, like ever and the reviews were so positive about it. In all honestly there's quite a bit of terms that I feel gross about but too be honest, there's no better alternative. I'm learning and it still makes me kind of nervous BUT yeah.

I made a post about it, but in August we had to put down my cat, Quincy. He's been with me since I was 5 and I'm 23 so aging without him has been hard. He'll always be my best friend and my through thick and thin guy. I miss you so much, Senor Quincy. I miss those nicknames and you in general. Love you. Forever.

In saying that, my mum ended up getting two little kittens. One of which looks exactly like Quincy. His name is Pai (pronounced 'pie' - I first named him 'Percy' but he responded too well to Pai to not change the name) and the other 'Nala' (named after the Lion King). Pai is this social little guy who is too curious and nosy about the world and people around him whereas Nala is this loving and cuddly pretty soul who has the softest fur coat ever. Love them both very much. We also ended up getting a dog called 'Poi' who has completely opened our family up in a way that is different and interesting. Welcome to the family our babies. Your older fur brother would absolutely hate you but we love you enough for him.

I visited Rarotonga/Cook Islands during our Winter (June/July) for my cousin's birthday. We had beautiful food, I fell in love with 5 different guys and just, such a cool time. I started planning a girls trip after that. But, so fun. It was so fucking hot too my body was so confused.

I got a new laptop! After being able to stop using a laptop that relies on a constant state of charging and basically life support, it feels amazing.

On the flip side, my phone is going through it. I've had it for about 5 or 6 years now and it's now reached it's T-Minus days, for sure. The screen is barely holding on by a thread (not joking) Fun fact, but me and my brother got new phones at the same time and he's already gone through about 9 to my 1.

My friends!! I've made some new friends and new connections and stuff this year. I'm finally a part of a GC where my friends know each other (irl two of my friends absolutely fucking hate each other) and I talk in it! But I love it and them and just everyone.

I've started watching The Sidemen on Youtube regularly. I love their humour and I know they're not for everyone but I really enjoy watching them. They're who I watch when I take a break from Kpop and just..they're great.

I went back onto SSRIs and I did partake in therapy for awhile because I was really down in the dumps. i cut a part of my hair at the back and if that isn't a cry for help. Like, my state of health...my neglect of haircare and the disinterest in life and all in it, it scared me. But I'm doing a lot better and I hope you are too.

Girl groups have this chokehold on me lately. Like, the amount of fondness I have for them right now is insane. Discographies, songs etc. They're tearing up the music industry at the moment for me right now. Women in general. Like yess.

I rewatched some of my favourite shows/movies and I loved it all the same. The Empress is an amazing German show, I've loved it as much as when I watched it the first time. Enola Holmes has some of my favourite aesthetics and she's so pretty and smart and Tewksbury is a wonderful 'boy boy'. Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade is my fave out of the movie series. Again...such a cool aesthetic. Harry Potter was a needed rewatch this year and I loved it. Brooklyn...Just amazing. Love this.

My favourite in-New Zealand trips of the year... I went to Auckland and to a casino for the first time (randomly picking up my cousin who was hungover and going through it) I won over 1k that day. I went to Wellington to watch NCT Nation and told the whole cinema who my man was. I went to the yearly trip to my cousin's bach and even though it fucking pissed down until the last day. It was an amazing holiday as per usual.

My favourite books of 2023 that I read this year was; The Song Of Achilles - Madeline Miller (finally read it and it was amazing). Binding 13 - Chloe Walsh (The angst was so good). Book Of Days - Patti Smith (the inspiration awakening). Magnolia Parks - Jessa Hastings (some good stuff). Once Upon A Broken Heart - Stephanie Garber (that cliffhanger had me by the balls) and The High Mountain Court - A.K. Mulford (Perfection.)

I got the opportunity to do paid research for my iwi and for my people and to learn and enrich our knowledge and community. It's hard to explain by vague explanations but I don't want to go too much into detail.

My favourite Kpop songs were - 'I Don't Understand But I Luv U' by Seventeen, 'Eve, Psyche & The Bluebeard's Wife' by LE SSerafim, 'Ditto' by New Jeans, 'S-Class' by Stray Kids and 'Down (Juicy Juicy)' - Jo Yuri. I just realised it's a Hybe/JYP fest in here. But they were so addictive.

My favourite songs that weren't Kpop were - 'Collide' by Justin Skye, 'Agora Hills' by Doja Cat, 'Utua' by Maimoa, 'Greedy' by Tate McRae and 'Be Your Light' by Victor Ma. So pretty.

My favourite albums of the year were - 'GOT THE BEAT' by GOT THE BEAT. Rose was my favourite of the album. 'Dark Blood' by ENHYPEN. Woke my love up for them and the dance is fucking amazing. Background dancers and without. Chaconne is my favourite. 'Playgirl' by Lolo Zouai. Such a pretty voice. My favourite is a choice between 'Picking Berries', 'Open The Door' 'VHS' and 'Crazy Sexy Dream Girl'. 'The World Ep. FIN' by ATEEZ. My BOYS. Started the year with them and finished the year with them. Favourite song off the album is still undecided but Crazy Form is part of my daily. 'Unlock My World' by Fromis_9. Love the album. My Night Routine. Attitude. Prom Night. Beautiful voices. Insane. '3 Of Us' by FLO. New addition to my favourite Western groups but holy shit welcome to my heart.

My favourite movies; Howls Moving Castle (bully me about it - why didn't you watch it earlier?), All Quiet On The Western Front (so fucking sad and heartbreaking), Coco Reo Maori (good movie and the fact it's in Te Reo Maori? Fucking AMAZING. The Black Phone (not a horror movie girly, but such a good movie and I'm obsessed). It (again, not a horror movie girly but Loser Squad <3)

My favourite shows (not Asian); Ginny and Georgia, Grown-Ish, The Time Traveller's Wife, The Summer I Turned Pretty and Love 101.

My favourite Asian dramas; Love In The Air (the hottest show I've ever seen), Twinkling Watermelon, Hidden Love, When I Fly Towards You and Himitsu No Ai Chan, Dangerous Romance. They're fucking masterpieces.

I'm sorry to end this on a sad note but Christmas Eve, my cousin committed su***de and it was hard to climb over the wall grief had built about it. His older sister told me all these lovely things and it was the first kind of cry I had over him. I'm a little angry but also sad. It's hard because then I got COVID.

Welcome, 2024!

[xoteajays]

Oh! I did message you in instant messages. I can't always remember who I message someone. And I know that I send long messages that not everyone likes. So there's also that reason too.

Yeah. The High&Low franchise came out eight years ago. So you wish there was more people who still created content for the H&L fandom.

Which is bizarre to me? Because High&Low was a popular franchise when it came out, but now there seems to be nothing for the fandom. Especially because there are similarities between High&Low, Worst and Tokyo Revengers. Pretty boys who are delinquents. [I've only ever seen the Worst crossover movie with High&Low, not even the original series. So I can't comment much on Worst.]

Chimknj also wrote another High&Low story. Well.. There story would be a one shot, a one chapter story. Not that you have to read it. But it is a smutty story between Rocky and his girlfriend (original character) - during the events of the first movie.

And, I think, there is a person who's under the name FireOfJudgment on here. They have H&L stories, and AIB stories too. But I don't know what characters or ships they write for though. In case you may want to search their work. They might be an option for you.

It's best for me to write notes for ideas to stories, and characters, and who knows what else while being involved in the fandom. Because if I try writing when I'm not in any fandom, then my thoughts and ideas... I became fickle and scattered on what I want to write. It's a problem.

Being in a fandom makes me more focused to write for that fandom. If that makes any sense.

I mean.. The color coordination to my characters was accidental for me. Because I tend to go for a specific appearance for my characters, I was very adamant about using those people for my face claims but I wasn't sure for what fandom - and I probably will use them for a lot of other fandoms too. Most likely. But not sure which other fandoms yet though. Anyway. Anyway.. But one person's favorite color is blue, one is orange, and another is red which eventually became their signature colors. So I unconsciously connected them to their respective gangs, which is kinda funny because their personalities actually seem fitting for those gangs too. And since the High&Low cast of characters have been predominantly men, I wanted more female characters involved in the story. But there have been a few things I've been stick on lately.

i am just hella awful at answering my private messages. i’ll be like ‘ill reply to that in a bit’ and then completely forget.

it’s just weird. like fandoms used to stick around for longer and h&l is still relatively recent. like 2016 wasn’t even a decade ago yet! everybody go watch h&l and feel emotions you didn’t expect about a pretty boy gang show. the song ‘break into the dark’ literally got me F*cked Up, everybody go watch the unofficial music video.

i will absolutely go read a smutty fic, that’s half of what i’ve been reading lately anyway. love me an explicit fic. and rocky has grown on me, do really like that dude.

i used to be really good at writing short original stories, but now i find it a bit harder. need that high school inspired brain back. fanfics do come a bit easier for me, but i also second guess myself a lot and some stuff i don’t end up posting or even finishing. which is a shame bc it’s supposed to be a fun hobby. i definitely need a fandom to obsess over or i just go totally blank in the brain.

im so bad at colour coordinating my ocs, i can rarely ever decide on what colour suits them best. idk if anyone’s noticed how many light blue or pink characters i have ahsjdl. my own h&l oc kinda started as an oya oc and then developed into something more and got switched around a bit, i think i’m mostly happy with where she’s at rn tho. im having a lot of fun with her.

h&l is definitely lacking in the female character department. like even the strawberry milk girls don’t get a whole lot of screen time like i thought they would, which is a shame bc i think they’re cool and i love pink. i think naomi got the most screen time out of all the girls and even that wasnt a whole lot. n-e-way yamato’s mum and the bartender lady are, like, definitely gfs tho, that’s my hc.

[frisktastic]

I posted 6,896 times in 2022

12 posts created (0%)

6,884 posts reblogged (100%)

I tagged 2,836 of my posts in 2022

#toh - 215 posts

#art - 208 posts

#dr - 182 posts

#aes - 143 posts

#tlt - 93 posts

#pkmn - 84 posts

#inscryption - 84 posts

#horizon - 82 posts

#ofmd - 80 posts

#orv - 78 posts

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

My effort at organizing and analyzing all of the Sweepstakes links and Q&A. I was finding other guides to be less thorough or less clear than I wanted.

12 notes - Posted September 18, 2022

#4

I am still listening to TAZ Ethersea and mostly enjoying it, but it might be the arc I like the least, even if I think the plot is stronger than in Graduation.

The big thing is the characters. They act so jaded, quick to anger, and use various kinds of force to get what they want. Because of that, no other characters really like them! Except for people established in their backstories!!! 

As a group they never really connected and it’s only gotten worse lately. The Balance trio bickered but you always got the sense they still cared on some level, even from the beginning. This group is just... fighting. They don’t feel like a found family, they feel like coworkers who often, don’t even like each other.

13 notes - Posted July 13, 2022

#3

you know how in school how every class would assign an hour+ of homework, claiming “it’s not that much” but seemingly forgetting that every other class is also assigning homework...

that’s exactly how all these adulting tasks you’re “supposed to” be doing add up. and you get well-meaning experts each telling you doing X only takes 30 minutes a day, seemingly forgetting that there are hundreds of important things you should do daily that only take 30 minutes.

mental health professionals talk about the benefits of meditation, journaling, creative expression. hair stylists warning you against going to bed with wet hair. physical therapists reccomend a 15-minute stretch routine. nutritionists toute the value of cooking your own meals. professional cleaners will tell you ten things you didn’t know you should be cleaning! dentists remind you it would be better to brush multiple times a day. basically everyone telling you to exercise.

obviously a lot of these things are important and none of them are that difficult in and of themselves, generally speaking, but it all adds up. each of these requires time, energy, or even money. plus all the stuff you’re already doing. 

I feel like these kinds of professionals can get frustrated with people STILL not doing what they’re supposed to be doing. I just wish they would consider that every other area of life has a similar expert, who is similarly telling people to do more. 

17 notes - Posted February 7, 2022

#2

something I've been thinking about for a while is, the gap between thought and action especially with social justice or creating positive change in the world

or to put another way: how do people get from hearing about an issue, and actually doing something? from watching a video essay about walkable cities, to petitioning their local government for specific changes. from hearing about trash getting into the ocean, to attending a beach cleanup. from watching a tiktok about the bees disappearing, to planting native flowers.

I believe this gap is a HUGE part of why people feel hopeless about the future. because they see the problems so clearly, but either don't know how or don't believe they can do anything about it.

and of course disclaimer, there are some people who probably really can't do anything, and they need to focus on their own life for a variety of reasons, that's totally fair. But most people will be able to find *something* even if it's "small".

It doesn't really matter what it is--I mean, make sure it's not actually harmful (e.g. supporting autism speaks)--but other than that, just, pick something and make it your thing! do it when you can. it doesn't have to be challenging; in fact, it's better if it isn't, because something you can maintain is more important!

if this post can get even one other person to figure out soemthing concrete they can do, that would be amazing.

21 notes - Posted November 26, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

credit to my brother for this excellent edit idea

44 notes - Posted April 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[ggukkiereads]

I've been trying to find a Yoongi fanfic... It's an idolAU, so he promised a reader that he will be quitting and they will start a family, but he suddenly needs to go on tour and reader gets angry... I think that was part1 but I cannot find it, I want to read it again. If you know the name it would mean a lot! 🤍

🌷 Hi! Sorry this seems familiar but I don’t remember anything 😱. 

Hope someone else does? Please feel free to reply via comment or through asks (just mark it private if you don’t want it publicly responded to). Thanks! 

.