#I've already been on a maybe date with her once i was just vague

[dont-open-dead-inside-25]

Ok. I've decided. After my birthday party I'm going to ask her out and say the word date

[worldsover]

Well, Now What?

20.5k words

You are dating Ryujin; it's tough making a relationship with an idol work, but you have your own… unique ways of handling it, featuring quite a few other idols. When your friend and ex Karina gets wrapped up in a dating scandal with your fellow actor, you're put in a tough spot between them.

✦✧✦✧✦✧

"Well, now what?"

No response to your question. Your living room is bathed in a cold, sterile light, streetlamps against the windows. There sits man of the hour, Lae Jaewook. Cans of beer line your coffee table, and the conversation you're holding with him feels like a scene in more of a low-budget show, maybe one of those YouTube web series, and there's no way that YouTube money could afford a cast with you and Jaewook in it. His face, all rough lines and handsome features, is clear and void.

"I mean, if you're not gonna call her…" You gesture vaguely around your empty room, not wanting to have to spell it out.

Irritation cracks his strong features, and Jaewook counters your frustration with even more stubbornness. The sky-high cheekbones, the crinkled eyes, he'd be an intimidating force, heavy waves rumbling in the distance, if you didn't know him so well. "Come on, you think I don't have the sense to call her?" He scoffs. You want to nod, want to laugh, but keep both to yourself for now. "No, it's your fault."

"Oh?"

"You're keeping me hostage here like some kind of bad cop," he says as he points toward the empty cans on the table.

Put your hands up. (Weren't you supposed to be the cop? He has the gaze of a severe statesman whose withering off-hand remarks might flatten a country, even if when he talks, it's a lot less dire.) "Alright man," you say, "if you wanna leave, you can leave. Good luck with Dispatch."

Your words hit the target, raising Jaewook from his seat. He walks toward you and places his hand on your shoulder, and the two of you make eye contact, tense energy snapping through the air; it releases like that, and you both laugh.

"I'm not going anywhere yet," he says. "Too late for that." You can see the regret in his choice of company for the night. You can imagine one other person he'd rather see in the moment. You get it. "This whole thing is just…"

"Yeah, crazy." You nod solemnly, empathetically. You know this, all the thoughts going through his head, lived through the worries yourself. Living through them now, still. You reach over and grab the last unopened can of beer. After a long sip, you notice Jaewook, a statue. You'd usually laugh when he gets that serious.

His expression softens. "How does it work? The whole… dating an idol thing. You know that's why I called in the first place."

You motion toward the TV symbolically, its screen black but text implied what it would be if powered on. "Well, clear all that shit up, first of all."

"What?"

"You said it was just flirting, you weren't at dating yet."

"Well, yeah, I've asked her out on dates."

"So it's one of those."

He sighs and shakes his head. "She's already been to my house like four times, I think."

You stretch out your hand to give him a fist bump. "Nice."

"Don't be stupid, you know it's not like that. Where the fuck else..."

You smirk and retract your arm. "I'm just fucking with you, man. Trust me, if anyone knows how the system works, it's me."

Jaewook purses his lips. "Right." He sits back down on the couch with a tired thud that makes the old cushions sink. "This is all so stupid." His voice is a mumble as if speaking only to himself.

You gulp down beer. "Again, trust me. I know." You're not a serious kind of person, but you're sure he recognizes the honesty in your voice. "Anyway, you better get on that shit. If there's only person that matters..." Once more, you have a sudden, uncharacteristic sincerity about you. When you and Jaewook and Chaemin and the rest of the guys hang out, it's always fun and games, and no time to dig deeper, talk about anything that matters. It's different here. Call it matching the dim atmosphere of the night. "You know the headlines are saying it was love at first sight."

Jaewook waves a dismissive hand. "Aish, I don't care about comments."

"That's not the point. Does she know?"

He thinks for a moment. "Shit."

It's your turn to pat his shoulder. Almost like looking into a mirror.

Jaewook looks more determined than defeated, looking at his phone on the table. (It's a ghost town; he's completely silenced the device because otherwise, it'd be like hanging out with a flashbang in the middle of the room. Now the grenade's just an elephant.) "I'll get right on it. I need to think about what to say, though."

Pat him once more before leaning away.

"But anyway," he says, "that's not what I was asking about. It was more about the idol thing than the dating."

Another sip to think."I see... how do I put this? Imagine trying to date the Mona Lisa."

Jaewook spits out his drink. "What? You're always full of shit."

"I'm being serious! Dating an idol is like robbing a work of art. You have ten security cameras and eight panes of glass between you and the actual painting."

Jaewook's eyes narrow as he considers your analogy. He laughs to himself. "Got it. I didn't know you could be so smart."

"Pft, you know what, I am kicking you out for that—"

"Wait, wait, sorry, I didn't mean it like that. Actually, keep talking."

"Okay," you start again. "Well... If you're an idiot, you'd only see the walls and the cameras. You'd think you're building a relationship, but really, all you're doing is running into more roadblocks, being paranoid, until one day, you'll trip a trip wire, and, ping pang, those eight panes of glass are gone, and the alarms are gonna ring in your ears and all those security guards are gonna drag you out and you'll never be allowed to even see the Mona Lisa anymore."

"Hah, okay. Wow. I thought I was drunk," Jaewook replies, grinning. "Are you okay?"

You clap him on the back and take a swig of beer. "Okay? Bro, I'm doing more than okay. I guess that was just the first time for me."

"So you're saying you've dated more than one idol?"

If only he knew. You sidestep the question. "Ryujin and I are plenty happy," you say with finality. "But that's not the point. I guess you could say she let me see past the walls. Not the cameras—we do know the cameras are still there, but we can't do anything about them anyway, right?"

Jaewook sits back down. "Never mind. I don't know why I came to you for advice," he mutters. "You're clearly insane."

The two of you talk for the rest of the night, mostly about inconsequential matters, like how Jaewook still keeps in touch with his other costars, Minhyun, Somin, and Kiyong, or how Jaewook has been practicing guitar lately. The delivery driver at your door with a bag of chicken asks if you’re that actor, then follows up with asking if you’re that actor who’s friends with Lee Jaewook, then follows that up with asking if you’re that actor who’s friends with Lee Jaewook who’s the thief dating Karina; he just read that on the news—you laugh it off. Over chicken, you share your excitement with Jaewook about debuting as a lead in your own drama.

But amidst all the casual chatter, the question lingers in the air like a persistent itch.

"How do you make it work?"

✦✧✦✧✦✧

"Well, now what?"

You lie in Arin's bed, your arm draped around her warm, perspiring body. The soft glow of dawn casts a faint light on her nude form, revealing the flush of red marks and handprints that decorate her exposed skin. As you steal a glance at her, a mischievous smirk plays on her lips, and her bare back becomes a canvas for your wandering finger. The room is dimly lit, allowing only glimpses of the intimate details of her body, while everything else fades into obscurity.

"What do you mean, Oppa?" Arin responds, then turns to face you. Her eyes gleam with curious desire. Her ass, on full display before you, holds a magnetic allure, enticing you like a loose thread begging to be pulled. Reddened further. Made into your fucking handles. Your finger, more delicately than your wanton thoughts, traces a path down her spine, to venture onto the painted canvas of her backside. Even if the light is soft, it feels like a spotlight on how every contour and curve of her skin comes alive to you.

Your nails dig into the raw flesh as you kiss the nape of her neck. "Is it okay if I sleep here," you ask, "or do I have to sneak out?"

Arin releases a contented sigh, leans into your touch. Her voice carries a breathless quality as she answers, "Stay." Her breath dances against your skin.

So you stay.

"By the way, I've been wondering..."

"What about?" you inquire while your fingers inch closer to the warmth nestled between her thighs. Instinctively, Arin's hips jerk, and her legs close around your hand, holding it captive. The rhythm of her heartbeat resonates against your chest as you lean forward to plant a tender kiss on her cheek.

"How you're not jealous of Ryujin. Like how many guys and girls has she fucked this week?"

"Four. It's a down week." You chuckle, shaking your head as your hand continues its exploration, fingertips caressing Arin's delicate folds. "And I suppose you can imagine how I cope," you reply, the sensation of her moistness enveloping your fingers.

"Mmm, you're such a… cocky… ahh. I don't get it, but it works for you, I guess." Arin smiles, her eyes closed as she relaxes into your touch. She tilts her head back and lets out a moan, a soft one that you've come to love and know so well.

"Besides," you continue, cupping her mound with gentle pressure, "we've always been honest with one another. Ryujin knows that I think you have the most exquisite ass of anyone I've been with, even her. And she agrees. There's no lying between us."

"You really think so?"

Before you can respond, your phone illuminates the bedside table, displaying Ryujin's name on the caller ID. You laugh as you lean over to answer the call. Ryujin's voice reaches you, ragged and husky with desire. You're tempted to confirm with Ryujin about Arin's ass, but a greeting is probably more apt here.

"Hey baby," you say as you hold the phone, tracing careful circles on Arin's thigh. "What's up?"

"I miss you," Ryujin breathes, each word punctuated by shallow pants, "so fucking bad."

"I miss you too," you reply, your fingers continuing their gentle exploration along Arin's sensitive folds. "But isn't it a little weird to call your boyfriend while..."

"I'm what?" More breathy gasps betray her feigned innocence.

"Let me guess," you respond, slipping two fingers into Arin and curling inside. "Missionary?"

Ryujin splutters, her voice rising in pitch as she attempts to maintain her façade, while the man she's with muffles a moan in the background. Her laughter transforms from playful to breathless.

"I know what you wanted to say. 'Missionary? Don't insult me.' My mistake," you say, earning a choked noise from the phone in response, yet you continue. "Seems like a cowgirl kind of night."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she protests, her resistance crumbling under the weight of pleasure. "Ah, ah, fuck..." You can almost picture her at this moment: back arched and head thrown back; ass slamming against the thighs of some other man, each moan like an explosion of color into your imagination.

"So I'm right." You fuck your fingers faster into Arin, the sticky sensation building between your knuckles and the juncture of her thighs; some of it is your creampie, and the rest must be her own juices, because your fingers are sliding in and out with ease. "Lucky guy."

Arin is panting beneath you, face flushed with arousal, rolling her hips in time with your rhythmic thrusting. As you listen to Ryujin's pleasure, Arin grows increasingly impatient. "Please Oppa, please..."

"How's your toy? Is he enjoying himself?" you ask, presenting your fingers to Arin, glistening with a mixture of her essence and your shared passion. A blush spreads across Arin's cheeks as she takes hold of your wrist, her eyes locked on yours. She proceeds to clean your digits with her mouth without breaking eye contact.

"He's a good boy," Ryujin says, "the usual type. I'm showing him the ropes."

You chuckle as you look down at Arin, who takes your fingers deeper and deeper into her throat. She gags, and drool slips from her lips and trickles down her chin. When you finally withdraw your digits, Arin leans over to nibble on your ear and whispers: "I want more."

Instead of responding to Arin's plea, you address Ryujin once more through the phone. "You're so predictable. Let me guess... It's one of those rookie HYBE idols?"

"Maybe," Ryujin manages to reply between breaths, the bed creaking in a rhythm that aligns with her mounting pleasure. "Hmm."

"Can I get a hint?" But instead of a response, all you get is the sound of riding and the faint squelching through your phone.

Arin gazes up at you, her body flushed and needy, a rosy hue spreading across her skin. She grips your shaft firmly, fingers curling around the tip and stroking downward, a small trickle of pre-cum escaping. She mouths, "Oppa, you're hard again."

Ryujin finally speaks up, her voice strained. "Oh, god, I'm gonna cum, I'm gonna—"

"Alright, I guess you can tell me later," you interrupt, ending the call just as Arin hooks her leg over your hip, her slick entrance pressing against your throbbing tip.

Arin drags her folds along your shaft and smears your desire against her sensitive clit. "Don't you want to know?"

"No. I'm like her like that. Easily distracted and—"

Not only your words but your breath are cut off as Arin's eager heat swallows your cock whole, only proving your point.

✦✧✦✧✦✧

"Well, now what?"

Your statement follows a gesture toward the couch where Ryujin and Karina are sitting, the latter sitting on the floor between the former's legs. Ryujin is petting Karina's hair, the soft touch providing a much-needed moment of reprieve. Your living room is always cleaner when your girlfriend is over, and the air is thicker and warmer, too. When Karina comes over, the house feels smaller, as if the walls are pushing in to create an intimate barrier, and the words come easier.

"Not today, honey," Ryujin says softly, but a stern undertone remains in her voice, one that you know means "no" and "back off." She can see the hunger in your eyes, the need for you to finish your conversation from yesterday. But as always she's right: you have a guest.

Karina's voice is hoarse. "I'm sorry for interrupting you guys."

"No, don't apologize," Ryujin soothes. "We've had enough fun."

Karina's gaze is downcast as she rests her head on Ryujin's thighs. "And I'm sorry for crying and ruining the mood. I just..." She lets out a soft sob, sniffles. You pass a tissue box to Ryujin, who in turn passes it to Karina.

"She's right," you say. "Nothing to apologize for, nothing to ruin."

Ryujin continues stroking Karina's hair, a small, encouraging smile on her lips.

"And I wrote all that too... I was being sincere and... to the fans"—every word is strained through a sob—"it must look like I don't care about them at all... I'm so... they're saying I'm an embarrassment."

Ryujin grabs Karina's shoulders, bends down so Karina can look up and make eye contact with her. "Hey, listen to me. I'm serious. I want you to stop apologizing. Stop thinking like that. You haven't done anything wrong."

You and Ryujin let time pass as Karina cries on her shoulder, goes through a whole tissue box, and then more time passes. You're thankful that Ryujin was already here when Karina knocked on your door; it was the perfect excuse to not talk about the real elephant in the room. Now, Ryujin's presence acts as a buffer that prevents the elephant from trampling into the conversation and crushing your living room beneath its massive bulk. (The fact that Karina came to you for comfort does not go unnoticed either.)

"What am I going to do? I can't even see him." She sits up and rubs her eyes. There's little makeup to ruin, yet she still manages to smear the little that there is, leaving her cheeks streaked with black and red. Even then, you can still see how gorgeous she is underneath it all, that kind of beauty that goes beyond skin deep. "My image is ruined."

Ryujin's first step for consolation is pushing a slice of pizza toward Karina, who, despite her nerves, starts scarfing down food like a ravenous wolf. "You? Ruined?" Ryujin laughs sarcastically. "Really, an eleven out of ten international supermodel is being brought to the brink by dating a super nice and well-liked guy. If only I were so lucky," she says, looking at you with a pointed smirk.

("Yah!" you mouth as you both laugh to yourselves, in your own private joke.)

"I want it to be simple," Karina says in between bites. "Just me and the people I care about."

Ryujin raises an eyebrow, a sly smirk playing on her lips. "Does that include me?"

Karina turns a deeper shade of red. She rests her head against Ryujin's knees, her eyes shut tight. "You don't count," she whines. However, it seems to cheer her up.

Your girlfriend chuckles a low and melodious sound that fills the room. "I can't help it," Ryujin says, her hands massaging Karina's shoulders and then running down her back, making her shiver. "I can't seem to keep my hands off of you."

"Y-yah," Karina stammers and then turns around to look at Ryujin with a feigned scowl. "I'm being serious though. Even forgetting about all the stuff that I've said... I'm just so stressed out. It's impossible to make time with him, especially now that it's all out in the open."

"Then don't," Ryujin offers bluntly. You give her a pointed look as if to say "Really? Don't?" But Ryujin ignores you, focusing her attention on Karina. "If it's too complicated then you shouldn't force yourself."

Karina shakes her head vehemently, eyes welling with tears once more.

"I don't mean don't date him!" Ryujin clarifies quickly, then takes a moment to ponder. "I mean, look at us." Ryujin points to herself and then to you, her eyes warm and inviting as she smiles at you. Karina follows Ryujin's line of sight with a tilt of the head.

"I know what you're going to ask," you say, "and yeah, he's already two steps ahead of you. He asked me how me and Ryujin made it work."

"And what did you say?" Karina asks.

"Well, I didn't get into the specifics with him." You were sidetracked with analogies, and you think the less drunk Karina wouldn't appreciate the roundabout method anyway, even if you liken her to a masterpiece of art. And Ryujin, she would appreciate your efforts—she still has the keys you bought her—but would undoubtedly burst out laughing when you got to the point.

Karina sits up straight, her expression eager. "Please tell me, I want to know. How does it work?"

Ryujin giggles while she leans in close to Karina's ear. "You really want to know? I think our arrangement is a little bit different than what you're used to."

"How?" Karina asks, her breath coming out in sharp rasps.

Ryujin runs a finger along Karina's jawline. "We've got quite a few friends, if you haven't noticed."

"What do you mean?" Karina looks so innocent when she's confused, like a lost kitten. So cute.

Ryujin always has the most fun when she's teasing, and the easiest target is often Karina, like this. It's not just teasing the way that actual friends tease: these are the touches she gives to her targets. To her prey. Her fingers brush against Karina's neck, trailing down to the base of her throat.

"I mean…" you start, "so you know how the number one problem is when schedules don't line up? You want to go out on a date, but you're both too busy?"

Karina nods slowly.

Ryujin leans forward, her voice dropping to a low purr. "We have other friends who we can spend time with. People who are also very friendly."

"I-I don't really get how that helps your relationship," Karina says.

"What I'm saying is—"

You stop Ryujin before she can explain further. "Hey, hey, wait, let's not freak her out. I don't think she's ready for that yet. But, I think there's still a point there. You have to be patient. To not be jealous. And, it's easier to do that when you have other people you're spending time with, too."

"That makes sense, I guess," Karina says, her finger on her lips. She lifts her head and traces patterns on Ryujin's knee, absentmindedly.

"Eventually, if it's meant to work out, time will make itself."

Karina sighs, her shoulders slumping. "You're right."

You watch as she closes her eyes meditatively and clasps her hands together. You exchange glances with Ryujin, who shrugs, and you both sit in silence for a few moments, waiting for her to finish. Finally, she opens her eyes with determination. You've never seen such fire in her eyes before.

"Alright, I can do this." Karina pumps her fists in the air, and you can practically see the confidence radiating from her.

"Good girl," Ryujin says, which earns an indignant huff from Karina.

"Shut up." Karina crosses her arms and sticks out her tongue. "I'm not a child," she says, like a child.

"If you're going to keep saying sorry all the time, you're acting like a child," Ryujin responds teasingly.

"Shut up!" Karina pushes Ryujin back onto the couch and climbs on top of her. Ryujin laughs but doesn't push back, not resisting as Karina leans forward and pins her to the cushions. You can tell that Karina is just playing around, and the sudden silence from Ryujin is genuine. Karina gets off of Ryujin's lap, a blush spreading across her cheeks when she sees your stare.

You, Ryujin, and Karina manage to move on and spend the rest of the night playing board games and chatting casually. Most of the conversation revolves around you recounting stories from your filming sets and Ryujin giving you a hard time about your acting, while Karina listens attentively to the both of you. Eventually, when the late hour strikes, the conversation slows to a halt. Ryujin yawns and stretches, and Karina is cuddled up with her.

"Hey, Karina," you say. "Are you going to go home tonight?"

"Huh?" Karina replies, opening her eyes. "I thought I would sleep over."

Ryujin nudges Karina. "Wow, how bold of you, sleeping at your ex's place. Were you gonna do it even if I wasn't here?"

"Yah!" Karina squeals, jumping up. "That's not what I meant, I wouldn't do that!"

"I'm just messing with you. I'm staying here tonight, too. And you..." She makes a pointed glare at you. "You're sleeping on the couch tonight, right?"

"This is my house," you say, sighing, as you watch the two girls leave for your bedroom, and you fetch a blanket and pillow for yourself.

One night of sleep on your sofa is a small price to pay to see them so happy together.

✦✧✦✧✦✧

"W-well..."

It's been a while since you've been in such a compromising position. Ryujin is on top of you, her hips pinning you to the bed. You're lying on your back like a helpless lamb to the slaughter, no room for resistance when her fingers trail along your chest, collect beads of sweat from the surface of your skin. Your hands are also pinned, under the diligent grip of Haewon, eyes possibly more watchful than Ryujin's own—they're pencils, pens, chisel to the marble statue of your form. If Ryujin's hands were to strike at that very moment, would you crumble into dust, or be reduced to a pile of rubble? Haewon, the interloper, the invader of privacy who has no reason to be in this room, is nude as well, her full breasts bared before you, nipples taut and erect. As if to invite the touch that you can't give and wish you could. Haewon's tits are bigger than Ryujin's, and she looks at you like she knows it, all the more eager to tease you with her assets. You've already had your chance to savor those breasts—Haewon let you play with them for a while—but now you're stuck and happily stuck if you had to admit it.

"Well," Ryujin echoes, like the natural formation of a canyon could mock the rockiness of your voice, "what now?"

Your breath falls off a cliff.

"Isn't there something you want to say? Come on, Oppa. Tell us what you did wrong," Ryujin coaxes as she leans forward and presses her lips to yours. Her tongue probes into your mouth to deepen the kiss while her hips grind against yours in a tantalizing rhythm. She pulls away suddenly and chuckles.

This is a bad cop, bad cop situation. You gulp. "I'm sorry."

"'Sorry' isn't what we're looking for," Haewon says, low. This is one way to meet someone for the first time; somehow, this suits whatever image you had of her, based on Ryujin's stories, or based on how she is behind the camera. But now she has both eyes on you, and those eyes are like the barrel of a gun, and that gun is pointed straight at you. It's not like you haven't been in more compromising situations—but this feels more dangerous. It's in the way that your girlfriend and the newcomer are so alike in their ability to control the expression of their face: it's like watching two puppeteers exchange roles seamlessly. When Ryujin looks at you, and then at Haewon—the way that the smirk on Ryujin's face changes in tone when she turns to her friend—the way her eyes soften, then her cheeks turn rosy—the way that when Haewon crinkles her nose in disapproval, Ryujin pouts in return—and then they both look back at you with narrow-eyed disappointment; it's all so precise, you might think this is a rehearsed scene. Haewon knows how to play along with the moment, even if you're certain she has no context.

Ryujin asks you another question: "Are you gonna keep acting like this?"

"Acting like what?" you reply, your voice a croak. Your throat is dry, your pulse pounding. The heat of arousal is pooling in your groin. You swallow hard as Ryujin shifts her position to grind herself against your clothed shaft. She leans forward to capture your lips once again, to kiss you passionately, to plunder your mouth with the reckless abandon of her tongue.

"Like you didn't make Karina cry," Ryujin mumbles in between kisses. She pulls away slowly, a thin strand of saliva connecting her lips to yours.

"So this is my fault, and not, I don't know, her actual boyfriend?" You prop yourself up by your elbows, halfway sitting up. You take a glance at Haewon. "Besides, what's she doing here? No offense"—Haewon shrugs—"but this doesn't involve you."

"I'm just here to have fun," she says. "And I'm here because Ryujin wanted me here."

You look back at your girlfriend. "Babe..."

Ryujin cups your chin and tilts your head towards her. Her eyes meet yours, fiery determination reflected in the depths of her gaze. "Karina came to me crying. And guess what? It's because you broke her heart."

"What? That's impossible. How? I didn't do anything to her."

"No? That's not what she told me." Ryujin's tone is flat and level. She's not angry. But there's a weight in her words that strikes fear into your heart, a cold dread that runs down your spine like liquid ice. "You were supposed to be the most amazing boyfriend. And yet you broke her heart."

The thing with timing and love and circumstance and all the little things that make or break a relationship is that it's so easy to fuck up without realizing it. What happened between you and Karina, you would rather ascribe to fate's hands; truth is these hands are invisible because they don't exist, and it's the fault of your own for faltering. In a different time, you would not have met Ryujin after you and Karina broke up—in that other time, you would have been patient, and that other time is in a way so much more rational, because who would not wait for Karina? By all measures, she is worth the wait. But you were greedy, and that greed led you to Ryujin. Your lust got the best of you, and in return, so did your love for both of them.

Ryujin must have seen something in your expression that she takes as guilt because she releases your wrists and places her hands on either side of your face, holding your head steady as she studies your features. For a single second, that tight control over her facial muscles falters, which reveals an uncommon hurt in her eyes.

"You know what? This isn't the time," she whispers. "Not with our friend here." She nods toward Haewon, who gives you a cheerful wave in return.

"Hey, don't let me stop you. If you wanted to talk, then maybe we should have done this one on one."

"No," Ryujin replies, shaking her head. "It's not that serious. I just..."

You lean forward and press a kiss to the tip of Ryujin's nose, hoping that it will calm her nerves. "I know, I know. You actually care about her. I do too. I did. Let's... we can figure this out later."

Your next kiss is not so chaste. You plant a trail of kisses down Ryujin's cheek to the corner of her mouth. Her hands travel along the curve of your jaw, they tangle in your hair, and then she deepens the kiss. Her tongue slips past your teeth, presses her body closer to yours, molds your chests together, her perky breasts a sweet contrast against your hard muscles. You have the thought: what would your observer's tits feel like instead?

"Wow. So sweet," Haewon says quietly as she watches the two of you making out. "I guess I am just here to watch." She shifts her position to rest against the headboard of your bed, giving her an unobstructed view of you and Ryujin.

Ryujin lets out a soft whimper as your hand grazes her inner thigh. "No, come here, Haewon," she whispers, patting the spot next to her.

Haewon glances between the two of you with uncertainty before she slowly rises and climbs onto the bed beside Ryujin, where she scoots close to her friend. She keeps her eyes glued to yours and cups Ryujin's face in her hands and leans forward; they kiss. Haewon closes her eyes and moans softly as Ryujin trails kisses down the column of her throat, nibbles at her pulse point.

Sex isn't an answer or a reward or a conversation; it's the spark, the catalyst, the fuel on the fire, all of them mixed into one. And when that spark meets the catalyst meets the fuel on the fire, there are only more questions left over from the remnants of the explosion—and their answers can wait until tomorrow. But for now, when Ryujin's breath tickles your earlobe as she whispers her dirty fantasies, Haewon is kissing a line down your girlfriend's neck; it's in that moment that you don't have room to care about the consequences when this all started and where this will go; instead, you have all night with these two beauties who are so hot and heavy and ready to fuck.

Ryujin's hand snakes down your abs and wraps around your cock, stroking you slowly. You moan as her fingers tease your sensitive flesh.

"You better keep up" almost sounds like an insult.

You will.

✦✧✦✧✦✧

"Well, now what?"

"Should I just break it off? One shot, clean?" Jaewook grabs a bite of steak, sitting across from you in this private room. There are a couple of other actors too, all the same year as you, but they're lost in their own conversations. You're always surprised that Jaewook isn't the center of attention, even with the Damoclesian sword of news hanging over him; then again, all these people are too experienced with the entertainment industry to be swept up by the headlines.

You wish it were that simple is something you wish you could tell him. You wish you could tell him about the time you and Karina dated, and how SM caught the two of you, forced you to break up since she was just a rookie. How you've been friends since. And how every string, between you and Karina, between you and Ryujin, between Ryujin and Karina, are tangled together too tightly for any clean cut to break the web. You want to tell him because if there's anyone who could understand, it's him. But you also know he can't hear it yet, no matter how much you want to get it off your chest.

"Hey, man, I can't tell you what to do," you say instead, sipping your drink. "But it seems like you're enjoying yourself with her."

"That's not the problem," Jaewook says. He gulps before he admits to you, quietly: "Karina isn't the only one."

Your eyes widen, and you almost choke on your food. You cough and try to catch your breath. "You're kidding," you say. "Who else?"

He gives you a rueful smile. "I can't tell you. I promised I wouldn't."

"But then what about Karina? You know every man in Korea would take your place," you point out.

He shakes his head. "I don't know about that. You know, I haven't even seen her in person once since the whole thing started. It's just... a bunch of texts and calls, and the occasional voice chat. It's like a Bubble subscription that I don't pay for."

You laugh. Think back to the time you were in a similar situation with Ryujin, or even Karina herself. "Sure, but I'm sure you're more patient than that."

"Well, yeah, but... it's still hard, you know? I don't know how long I can keep doing this."

You frown and nod slowly. "I get it. You're a good guy. And I know you don't want to hurt either of them."

"I mean, if it's just Karina, I wouldn't mind," he says, chuckling. "But with Somin—" He puts his hand over his mouth, looking around the room.

You can only laugh. "You're hopeless, man," you say. It's easy to picture him and Somin, even though you've only seen them together in one project because you remember the same way she'd look at you when she's having a good time; it's that sort of trust that makes it so easy to fall into a relationship with a co-star. There's a perfect contrast between them: him, sharp on the outside, a teddy bear on the inside; her, a sweet tooth on the outside, a firecracker on the inside. Then, there's that weird sort of chemistry actors have with one another—you and Ryujin always joke about it when she sees you on set with another woman, as though you're both acting like you're not dating. She gets it; she's an idol too.

"I'm so fucked," Jaewook groans. He takes a long sip of his drink before he turns to you with an anxious expression.

He slumps in his chair, and Dohoon calls out from across the table. "Hey, Jaewook, you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," he says, waving his hand. "I'm fine. Just tired."

"Ah, we're all tired," Dohoon replies with a grin.

"You know, you should get some sleep, Jaewook," you suggest. "You look like you could use it."

"Hey, I'm fine," he says, shaking his head. Jaewook talks about how he and his former costar get to meet up more often, maybe because she's an actress instead of an idol. You already see how this is going to play out, the story written many times before. You try your best to listen, but all you can think about is how your friend is falling deeper and deeper into something he doesn't even realize yet. "We went out for drinks last week," he says.

"I don't blame you," you say, "but I really think you should try to focus on just one person. Even if none of you are actually dating yet." You want to laugh at yourself. How ridiculous of you, a hypocrite to lecture him like this.

"Yeah... I guess you're right." Jaewook scratches the back of his neck, nodding sheepishly. His hand slides down to rest on his chest as he glances at his phone on the table. Another missed call from Karina flashes across the screen before disappearing again.

"Answer that, dumbass." You point. He gives you a look."You act like I'm your personal probation officer."

"I mean, it's kinda true. I'm obviously gonna call back in a second. You know, as soon as you shut up."

You chuckle. "Fine. See, this is why you gotta be more like me. Don't complicate things with what ifs and whatever, just tell Karina straight up."

"You mean, tell her about Somin?"

"No, not that, obviously. That it won't work with you. Look, I'm sure the two of you knew what you were getting into, right? I mean, you knew she was an idol, you knew how hard it'd be to make it work, and you went in knowing that it was just going to be flirting, right? So just go to her and say, 'Hey, this isn't working. Sorry about that. Let's stay friends.'"

"Yeah, but—"

You shake your head. "Trust me. You wanna know how me and Ryujin work it out?"

Jaewook nods. "Oh yeah, you never did answer that."

"We've got friends. Lots of 'em. And I'm not talking about the same friend either. I mean, 'friends'," you say, wiggling your eyebrows. You can see the realization dawning on him, his expression a mix of confusion and curiosity and there's the blush and then there's the laughter and finally, acceptance.

"Oh. Oh... I see."

You smile. "So you get it now."

"Kind of? I'm not stupid, I know what you mean. I'm just having trouble seeing how that helps your relationship."

"Less stress, more fun. Don't overcomplicate things."

"Ah," he says, chuckling. "I see. So you're saying... I should get more 'friends'?"

"No, not like that," you say, laughing. "I mean, you do what you want, and I'm sure you're almost as handsome as me to pull it off—"

"You're full of shit," Jaewook retorts, and you both laugh.

You both return to your meals and after a few bites, you have a final piece for him. "But honestly though, if you like Somin, you should go for it. Don't worry about what other people think. I don't have to tell you to let Karina down easily, you know that. But from what I know about her, it's worth stressing that it's not her fault. It's the world's fault. She'll believe you."

He smiles sincerely. "Thank you."

"And above all else, be firm." God, you sound like his dad or uncle or something; the two of you are the same age. You continue regardless, "Otherwise, you'll end up like me, stuck sharing my girl and having to sleep on a couch."

"That bad, huh?"

"Yep. It's terrible. Now make your goddamn call."

You'd think a man like him would be more steadfast. That the truths within himself would come more obviously. Obvious. The word itself is not so. How easily swayed. But does that make you any better?

✦✧✦✧✦✧

"Well, now what?"

"I don't know," Ryujin replies to you. She's in the passenger seat of your car, the two of you parked in some indoor parking lot, and she looks like she's just done fucking you in the backseat because she's just done fucking you in the backseat, her hair sticking to her sweaty skin, even the parts you can't see under her clothes. Karina had the correct idea, wanting things to be simple. That's why you and Ryujin always make time like this—to talk and fuck, then talk again. Most likely fuck again right after.

A blush crosses her face when she notices you staring at her in the mirror. You appreciate in these moments when she's cute and still trying to figure out her breathing.

"No, actually, I do know," she says, like she caught it.

"What?" you ask. You open your arms out. Ryujin presses herself against your chest. You wrap around her waist, bring her close, tight, only in the way that two lovers so sure of themselves can do. You and she stay like this for a while, her soft breaths tickling your neck while she relaxes against you. "You wanna tell me instead of talking in puzzles? That's pretty new for you."

Ryujin sighs, rests her head on your shoulder. "I'm not sure what to do," she says.

"About what?" you ask. You press a kiss to the top of her head, and she smiles and nuzzles against you.

"Well, Karina..."

"What is it?"

"She's cute."

You laugh."Yeah, I agree."

Ryujin looks like she's steeling herself to say something. Again, it's adorable, how she readies her eyes, breathes out slowly, and clenches her fist. "Here it comes. Okay. I can say this." (Watching her go through this routine has your eyebrows almost permanently raised.) "I like Yu Jimin. I really like her."

You start half of a laugh in disbelief. Then, it becomes a full laugh. When Ryujin looks at you with utter disbelief at the audacity you're showing her, you reach over and grab her ass, squeezing it, and that earns you a squeal from Ryujin.

"That's what you were worried about?" you ask.

Ryujin nods, a sheepish smile on her lips. "You..." She narrows her eyes and hits you in the shoulder. "I'm being serious!"

"I know you are, baby."

"So why aren't you freaking out or anything?"

"Really? Do I even have to say why not?"

"I-I mean, like, I know we have the whole deal and whatnot, but that's different. That's just fucking. I... I truly, actually love Karina."

"And I've noticed that," you reply.

You pull her in for a kiss, lips parting as you cup her head in your hands. Your tongue flicks out against her lower lip and taste the salty tang of perspiration and saliva. Whatever steady rhythm she's caught has re-unsteadied, her motions still fervent and rushed. Every time you make out with her in your front seat, you recall the first time after picking her up from a radio show, remember how you'd fucked her on the stairs of her dorm afterward, in her bed while Lia and Yeji were in the living room, how the two of you snuck out. The memory gets you hard, and she's already noticed.

Ryujin breaks the kiss to stare at your hard cock in disbelief like she can't comprehend how you've managed to recover so fast despite already understanding your stamina. But she's also gasping, gulping air down. 

"Goddammit, hold on," she says, holds your shoulders, and pushes away from you as she leans back. "I was saying something."

"Oh. Yeah. Karina." You wipe your lips, some saliva dribbling on your hand. "Please, I don't even get why we're having this conversation. Aren't you supposed to be the observant one?"

"Well, because you're my boyfriend," she says, matter-of-factly. "And I'm your girlfriend. That's why we're talking about it. That was the first thing we talked about when it came to this open relationship thing, what to do about real emotions and feelings and shit."

"Good point. But why are you worried about how I feel about Karina? You know that we're all friends here, that we didn't break up on bad terms or anything. So if there's anyone I trust you with, it's her. Besides, I see how you look at her. And touch her. Shit, aren't you two close enough to be a thing?"

"I don't know." Ryujin shakes her head. "Maybe we are, but I don't know if she feels the same way."

"Why would she play along if she didn't like you?"

"I don't know," she says again, sounding exasperated. "I always get the feeling that maybe she's just being nice. Besides, look at her, goody two shoes. I bet she thinks if she accidentally looks at boobs other than her own in the mirror, she'd go to hell."

The picture of Karina turning herself on with her own nude body in the mirror has both you and Ryujin distracted, mouth open, picturing. It's funny how in sync the two of you are, and when you realize it, you and Ryujin start laughing.

"I wouldn't put it past her to do that," you say.

"Maybe I'm right," Ryujin retorts. "God, her body... Seriously, I always love getting an eyeful whenever she comes over and insists to stay in her pajamas."

"Pft. Trust me, those types of girls... Half the time they're exactly as they appear. The other half of the time, they're secretly kinky bitches who'll tie you up and fuck you until you beg for mercy. But you'll still get hard for them."

"Wow, that's deep," Ryujin says, smirking. "That from experience? You fucking Christian girls without me?"

"Meh, I just knew the type." You shrug.

"Wait a second, did you and Karina—"

"No, no, we didn't get that far back then. Trust me, I'd be surprised at who I am right now."

"Yeah, an absolute manwhore."

You raise your hands in surrender. "I get the point." You look up at Ryujin, the moonlight filtering through her hair and outlining her face. "But back on topic, I think you should just tell her how you feel."

"But what if she doesn't feel the same way? Or if she does, what if she gets scared off? She's really sensitive about that stuff. I don't want to push her too far, and our friendship is important to me." Ryujin looks down; it's the most serious you've ever seen her about anything other than dancing, music, and you. You know in the whole list of priorities, her friendships are always number one, and you've always conceded to that. "If we couldn't do it, I would be fine with that."

"I don't know, just take it slow. Don't go in for a kiss, just... try something. Hold her hand. If she's uncomfortable, she'll let you know. And if she doesn't, then..." You trail off, the implication hanging heavy in the air.

Ryujin nods, but there's still a hint of doubt in her voice when she replies. "I can try, I guess. Thanks, baby."

You reach out and grab her hand, lacing your fingers together. The two of you stay like that for a few moments, listening to the faint sounds of the night, speeding cars, and distant cicadas crying out. You speak up, your voice low. "I have some insider news for you."

"Hm?"

"She's going to need a shoulder to cry on."

Ryujin contemplates it; you're unsure how deeply as you lean the driver seat back while Ryujin pushes down on your shoulders. The car bumps to a musical rhythm, silent save for the soft moans and groans.

✦✧✦✧✦✧

Well, now what's on your doorstep is a peculiar combination, really. Sieun and Somi don't have much in common besides their time at JYP and being idols. Oh, and they both speak English, although Somi is more fluent. But Sieun isn't too shabby at it either. Fortunately, they both possess a natural charm when it comes to meeting new people, allowing them to quickly form a bond, especially in the heat of the moment. Maybe you would’ve preferred just one, or just the other. Yet, you couldn't help it. You were double-booked.

“I’m sure we can work something out between the three of us,” Somi says with a smirk while comparing her forearm to your length, and Sieun nods.

Next thing you know, Sieun is taking the head of your cock into her mouth, her lips forming a perfect circle. The sensation of her warm tongue against your shaft sends hot pulses through your body, and her fingers wrap around the base of your member, around the head of your member when it strokes up.

Meanwhile, Somi directs her attention towards your balls as her hot breath tickles your sack. She skillfully licks, kisses, and sucks on them. The synchronization between the two is impeccable as if they have engaged in this act together countless times before (which they haven't because this is only their third time ever having seen each other in person). Your eyes are fixated on Somi's breasts, a stark contrast to Sieun's. Somi's bosom is larger and bounces like a buoy with each bob of her head. Her nipples are erect as well like two tiny beacons calling you to touch her.

Sieun slows down and pulls back just enough to leave her lips wrapped around your cockhead before she looks up at you through long, full lashes. The corners of her mouth are upturned into a smile. She swirls her tongue around the head of your member while her hand continues to stroke your base. Gazes up at you, her lips now red and slightly swollen. "You like watching me suck you off, don't you?"

"I love it," you say, your voice husky. "Your mouth feels so good."

She grins, her tongue flicking out to lick the tip of your dick. "You want more?"

"Fuck yes."

Somi, sensing your distraction, switches to teasing your shaft with her tongue and lips and hands. "What about me? What do you think about my mouth?"

"Y-yes," you reply, panting. You run your fingers through Somi's hair. "Your tits and your lips and your tongue... you look so fucking hot like this."

Somi hums in acknowledgment as she slides her tongue along the underside of your shaft, then lowers back to your balls, where her hands cup and gently massage them. "Mmm," she says, the vibrations of her voice on your testicles causing your thighs to tremble. "I'm gonna make you feel so good."

Your hips buck at the combined efforts of the girls' ministrations, their hot breaths and moist mouths covering every inch of your lower body. You think you've reached the peaks of your pleasure already when Somi ventures lower at the same time as Sieun. While Sieun puts her hands behind her back and uses only her lips to take you in, Somi spreads your cheeks open with both hands. And before you can even react, Somi's tongue is already pushing into your hole, hot and slick against your sensitive skin. The pleasure from her licking and probing your pucker sends waves of euphoria throughout your body. You moan louder than expected and grip the bedsheets tightly while your muscles contract involuntarily.

As Sieun takes in more of your shaft into her mouth, Somi withdraws her tongue, only to replace it with a finger, slick with saliva. It pushes past your rim with relative ease, but it still stings, and you let out a low hiss through your teeth as she slowly inserts her digit. You must already be unloading pre-cum into Sieun's mouth because that's the experience you've had with Ryujin whenever she's done this to you in the past. Somi only leaves a knuckle deep inside your hole, which is all she needs while her tongue returns to tease your balls. The feeling of her lips and teeth grazing your sack is a stark contrast to her gentle touch inside of you. When she pulls her finger back out, she replaces it with her tongue once again. She licks your rim in an almost lazy manner as if she doesn't care that she's doing this and could continue for hours.

The combination of their mouths and tongues and hands has your head spinning and vision blurring—you've drunk too much, yet your mouth is so dry.

Unfortunately, it appears that your girlfriend possesses some sort of uncanny radar for interrupting your most intimate moments. Your cell phone relentlessly rings and buzzes on the bedside table, disrupting the erotic symphony unfolding before you.

"Answer it," Somi says, looking up at you from between your legs. "I'm not stopping."

You reach out and grab your phone, your hand shaking. "H-hello?"

"Hey, baby. What are you up to?" Ryujin's voice sounds amused on the other end of the line.

You can only breathe heavily, between the woman slurping on your cock, and the other one keeping her promised tongue in your most sensitive region. "No, nothing. Just watching a movie." You’re not sure yourself why you lied there. Usually, that’s Ryujin, teasing you about who she’s with.

"Oh really? What's it about?" Ryujin's voice drips with curiosity.

You grunt as you desperately try to collect your thoughts amidst the tantalizing distractions. "Um... it's about this girl who's obsessed with her ex."

"That sounds interesting," she replies, her tone laced with amusement. "So, how is she obsessed?"

A shudder runs through your body as Sieun and Somi persist in their arousing endeavors, their tongues continuing to lavish attention upon your member and balls. "Um... she's like... she can't get over him, so she stalks him and stuff. But he's dating someone else now, and she's not happy about it."

"I see," Ryujin responds. "Sounds like quite a crazy movie you're watching."

"Mmhm," you manage to reply, struggling to suppress a moan as Somi grabs a bundle of Sieun's hair with her free hand and forces her further down onto your cock, her nose pressed against your pelvis, her lips stretched wide around your thick girth. A gag escapes from Sieun as she coughs and chokes on your meaty shaft for a moment. When she withdraws slightly, bubbles of spit form at the corner of her mouth, trailing down the shaft of your member and collecting in Somi's hands, and then she completely removes your cock from her mouth with an audible pop, a string of saliva dangling between her lips and your shaft.

"What happens next?" Ryujin asks on the other end of the phone.

"I don't know," you breathe out, trying to keep your voice steady despite the current events. "We're just starting. I don't know what the ending will be yet."

"I think I have an idea of where it might go," Ryujin says."By the way," Ryujin's voice interrupts your pleasure-induced haze, "before you cum down her throat, put me on speaker. I want to talk to her."

Your eyes widen in disbelief, a mix of pleasure and panic coursing through your veins. "What? No—"

"Put it on speaker," she insists firmly.

With a groan of surrender, you comply, hitting the speaker button on your phone and placing it on your stomach.

"Hey there, I'm Ryujin, and I'm this guy's girlfriend," Ryujin says, her voice coming out as a purr. "Do you mind telling me what you're doing to him right now?"

Sieun wipes her mouth with the back of her hand before replying. "O-oh, hey," she says as if she has any clue what's going on. "I-It's Sieun. Hi."

Ryujin gasps. "Sieun! It's been so long! We haven't met since you were in JYP. How've you been?"

Sieun's cheeks flush a deep pink, and she responds, "Um, good! I-I'm doing good."

Meanwhile, Somi doesn't even try to hide her grin as she takes over suction duty, her lips wrapped tightly around your shaft. You can feel her tongue swirling and teasing your tip, driving you wild with pleasure.

"Wait a minute..." Ryujin says. "Who's that? Is that another person?"

"Hah, Ryujih," Somi says, her voice muffled by your dick.

"No way," Ryujin laughs. "I can't believe this. Is that you, Somi?"

Somi spits out your dick and sits up straight. "Yep, it's me."

"Wah, wooow. You know, I definitely expected you, and maybe Sieun a little bit, but the two of you together... Wow. I never would've guessed. But, I mean, if you're both in on it, then I guess it's okay."

"Y-yeah," you say, trying to catch your breath as Somi resumes her assault on your senses.

"So, how do you feel about sucking my boyfriend's cock?" Ryujin asks, her voice filled with curiosity. "Is it good? Does it taste good?"

Sieun's eyes are half-lidded with lust, and she whispers, "It's really good."

"And what about you, Somi? You like sucking his dick too?"

"Yeah, it's great," Somi says, giggling. "He's so big."

Ryujin chuckles. "Oh my god. I can't believe it. You two are actually sucking his dick right now, aren't you? This isn't a prank call or something? Woah, I'm seriously in awe, you guys. That's awesome. I wish I could join in."

You moan, your cock throbbing between Somi and Sieun's mouths as Ryujin continues to chat with them, her voice a soothing balm to your frayed nerves. It's a surreal experience, how casually she's speaking with them about sucking your dick, and yet there they are, eagerly obeying her every command. Ryujin tells them to take turns deepthroating you—they comply, their tongues caressing your shaft while their lips wrap tightly around your base. Then, Ryujin tells Somi to cover your cock in spit, and Somi does so: saliva drips from her lips as she drools all over your shaft. Next, Ryujin commands Sieun to lick Somi's spit off your balls, and Sieun happily laps up every drop before Ryujin has Somi spit again. Ryujin tells them to make out for as long as possible while simultaneously trying to fit your cock between their lips, and Somi and Sieun do just that—they kiss as if their lives depended on it, unwilling to separate from one another until the last moment when they have to come up for air.

"Okay, I've had enough fun for now. I can make myself cum later with this," Ryujin says, panting. You picture her on her bed, phone in one hand and the other down her panties. "You can go off speaker now. I have something else to tell you, Oppa."

You take the phone off speaker and hold it up to your ear. "What is it?"

"First of all, I asked Karina out," she says, all excited. "Made it clear it was a date. And she was confused, and I think she still kinda is. But that's fine."

"Great for you," you say.

"Are you busy Saturday night?" Ryujin asks.

"Should be okay." This one comes out breathily as Somi starts to wrap her tits around your shaft.

"Perfect. Perfect. I think it'll be a lot better if you're there. Just in case. And maybe we can figure something out. So the other thing is you better..."

You forgot what she said, right up until your climax, when the order comes back to you. It was quite hard deciding on which idol to cum inside. Ultimately, Sieun took your creampie gladly, while Somi seemed happier at the chance of eating that same load out of Sieun.

No wonder you're so devoted to Ryujin: for this night alone, she deserves more than she knows.

✦✧✦✧✦✧

"Well, now what?" becomes Jaewook's question, and it's funny hearing it from him. The expected headlines are out now, busy schedule, break-up, blah, blah, blah. Somehow, he's made much more time for Somin, and you don't necessarily blame him for it. He's getting a lot less dumb hate, and for that, you're happy for him. But then, there are the headlines featuring you, and a certain two other idols at a cafe in the countryside. Seriously, the town has a population you can count on your fingers and toes. How did that happen?

You look around Jaewook's house; it's much nicer than yours, although it's a shame it's so empty with how big the rooms are. You notice yellow flowers on a stand; he has a good sense for fashion, not as much for interior decorating—that's the work of a woman with an eye for color. You can't help but wonder how close they are, to know so much about one another. You're not jealous. People find their own ways, and those ways change with the people they meet, or lose. You can't be jealous. Everything gained for one is everything lost for another.

Karina, in this way, is everything.

"I knew this would happen." Jaewook laughs to himself.

"You couldn't dream of a tenth of it."

"Alright, keep the mystery to yourself. I'm happy as is."

You nod, sipping your beer. "So, how's Somin?"

"She's good," he says, with a shrug. "A lot more time for each other. Just like you said."

"You don't regret anything?"

"I mean... obviously, you've got to, at least a little bit, right? You know, someone told me, if it's Karina, you clear your schedule, you quit your job, you better move the world for her. I've thought about it. But, there's no point in dwelling on it."

You can't help but let a grin spread across your face. "You know, I bet she's a lot less uptight."

"Really? I didn't get that notion from Karina the times we talked... but I guess we never got that deep."

You shrug. "We can't all be lucky as you and me."

"You say that, but you're the one with a girlfriend who knows exactly how to keep you happy. And now, two girlfriends?"

"It's complicated. Karina, well... she's just a friend. But, you know, I just wanted to hear it from you. We're cool, right? Like, you have nothing against me?" you ask.

"Sure," Jaewook says, "whatever. When I found out you two were exes, I realized everything. In fact, are you sure you can keep doing... whatever it is you and Ryujin do?"

"That's a good point. I guess, hm, I'll cross that bridge when we get there. But forget about that. We're good?"

"Yeah," he says. "We're good."

You clink your beers together. "Great."

Guys are easy, you've learned. Even the ones who are your supposed competition in life are simple as hell. It's a blessing and a curse that a beer and a lent ear are all it takes. And even if Jaewook didn't need it, you needed his. He was right, as much as you don't want to admit. The question of how you and Ryujin can keep things up without hurting Karina is something you haven't considered in any depth. And now that the thought is planted in your head, it's all you can think about.

When it comes to girls...

They're easy too, you've learned. But then, they're also difficult, not by some inherent property, but by the world making it so. Maybe you can graze at this feeling, with the challenges and expectations and scrutinies as an actor, but if you ever felt the need to write an apology for having your own heart and your own mind—then, you'd presume, fault lays on the shoulders of others, not yourself.

No. It's not about guys, girls, or the world and its difficulty.

It's you and the mess that you've made.

Then again, there is no real harm in making some more.

✦✧✦✧✦✧

"Well, now what?"

You're at a party, a surprisingly big one for you, for once. There are some familiar faces, and some not so familiar. Most importantly, your two girlfriends are there. How's that for a statement? That's right, Ryujin and Karina, your hot and sexy threesome girlfriends, together at a party with you.

It's been a week or two since the gossip went viral. No one believes the three of you are dating, and that would be the truth. A more accurate assessment of the current situation is that you're dating Ryujin and Ryujin is dating Karina. Considering the history between you and Karina, you'd say that's for the better.

At this moment, you're not together with Ryujin and Karina at the party, unsure where either of them went. Instead, you're on the third floor of this huge house, sharing some strong, over-sweet mixed drink with Minji, Yoonjung, Jiwon, and Soobin. You're surprised to see Minji here at all, considering she just started drinking recently. If anything, you'd think she might join the other fromis_9 girls in their own circle. Meanwhile, as expected, Jiwon is the odd Fromis member out, the loudest, the social butterfly. Yoonjung is the only fellow actor, who of course you know from Jaewook, so most of your time is spent talking to her, and so far, Soobin hasn't said much. Didn't expect him to. So you're surprised when he speaks up first.

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"What do you mean 'what do you mean'?" you reply.

"Like, when you say 'now what?' Because you say that a lot," Soobin replies, in a measured tone.

"Uh... I dunno. I kinda just get bored sitting still. I wanna know what's the next scoop, or what's the next move, whatever. Like, what's your plan now? I'm surprised that you're already done with Ryujin. It's only been a few weeks. What happened?"

Soobin places his hand over your mouth and pulls you away from the girls to the corner of the room—looks almost like a kidnapping, making Minji and Jiwon's eyes wide. His smile placates them, that damned adorable smile. "Yah," he says, "what's wrong with you? You can't just say that."

To be fair, the music was loud, and the conversation was very hush. You smile sheepishly. "Sorry. Guess I'll play it safer next time. Oh, come on, we're all celebrities here, I think everyone knows about Ryujin and I by now. And Karina too. And you, and Yunjin, and Yeonjun, and—"

He laughs. "You're so funny. Seriously, you're going to give me a heart attack."

You snort. "Alright, alright, whatever. But you're done with her?"

"Yeah, well," Soobin leans in to whisper, "she's been killing me recently."

You don't need him to elaborate further. You understand. "Sorry to hear that. She's a lot of work, huh?"

"Don't I know it." He takes a sip of his drink and shakes his head. "But it's fine. I mean, it's not like it's just me. Everyone else is dealing with it, too. I feel bad for the guy she's dating now."

You raise an eyebrow. "I'm doing just fine, thank you very much."

Soobin chuckles. "Oh yeah, sure. You're a real saint, you know that? I don't know how you manage her, let alone all the other girls."

"It's not that hard," you say, smirking. "You just gotta be smart about it."

Soobin nods, taking another swig of his drink. "You make it sound like a piece of cake. I think I need a break for now."

"Alright, thanks for letting me know. You didn't have to, or anything, it's really between you and her, but whatever. You're a great guy. If you ever want to try again, I'm sure she's down, but you could let me know too. I'll put in a good word." You bump his shoulder. "Just buy me some chicken or something."

"Deal," Soobin says. You're about to leave before you hear Soobin say, "Yeah." He laughs, maybe a tad too loudly, and shakes his head in disbelief. "You're so ridiculous. This is so ridiculous."

The two of you exchange a brief hug before parting ways, leaving you alone in the crowd of people. You take out your phone and check the messages from Karina, asking if you're free tonight. You know she's probably upstairs hanging out with the JYP girls, like Chaeyoung and Haewon, although you're not sure who else is at this party. But, as much as you'd like to, you can't be everywhere. You send a reply that you're still busy drinking with Minji and Jiwon, and you'll see her soon enough.

As you slip your phone back into your pocket, a familiar deep voice cuts through the ambient noise and captures your attention. "Hey, babe. You got a moment?"

You turn, and there she is, Ryujin, approaching with her signature magnetic allure. Clad in a black minidress that clings to her curves, her stilettos click against the ground with each step. You can tell she isn't bothering with a bra underneath, as her chest sways with each movement, her nipples straining against the fabric. Her flawless makeup accentuates her features, while soft waves of hair cascade around her shoulders. "Sure," you reply, unable to resist the pull she has on you, and then embrace her in a quick hug.

Grabbing your arm, Ryujin pulls you closer. "I need you. Now."

"For what?" you respond, unable to suppress a smirk.

She licks her lips. "How about we go somewhere more private?"

You nod, your heartbeat quickening at the thought. It's not like this is your first time with her, but it always feels like it. Her presence has a way of commanding attention, especially when she's looking as sexy as she is now. "Lead the way."

The two of you make your way through the crowd of people, heading towards the stairs. You catch sight of Yuna and Yeji on the second-floor landing, speaking animatedly with a group of people. Avoiding eye contact with Yeji (things are complicated enough as is), you instead make eye contact with Karina in the circle. You're not sure you can decipher her expression so quickly, but she waves at you and smiles, before returning to whatever conversation she's having. Return the gesture and keep following Ryujin, who leads you down the hall. You notice a couple making out against the wall, and Ryujin glances at them before giving you a wink. She pulls you into one of the rooms, closes the door behind you.

The room is shrouded in darkness, with only a faint glow seeping in from underneath the door. "I didn't realize you had such a spacious house," you remark, taking in your surroundings.

"Tsk, I wish. But I don't feel like wasting time talking." She sits down on the edge of the bed, legs crossed. "Come here. I want you."

A moth to a flame, you stand before her. "You're awfully pushy today."

She giggles. "What can I say? Sometimes, I like having you to myself. Especially when you look like that." Every time Ryujin compliments your appearance, a tinge of self-consciousness washes over you, a person who typically pays little attention to clothing choices. Tonight, it's a simple black button-up shirt and jeans. She reaches out and runs her fingers over the fabric of your shirt and tugs at the buttons until they come undone one by one. "Ah, that's better. Let me get a good look at you."

You understand why men and women alike fall under her spell—the precision with which she controls each word, every action, and the way she effortlessly stirs desire within you. Helpless, you stand there as she takes in the sight of your bare chest, her fingers tracing the contours of your stomach. "You're so strong," she murmurs. "I love that about you."

"Yeah, well, I have to keep up with you." You lean forward, place your hands on her shoulders, then push her back until she's lying down. You hover over her. "Heard you've been wearing out some poor soul."

Ryujin smirks as hands slide up your arms. "Oh, you heard about that? I guess word gets around fast."

"Is that all you've been doing while I've been busy?" you ask, your hand caressing her thigh with deliberate slowness.

"I wouldn't say that. I've been keeping myself entertained." She bites her lip. "I know you have. You should have recorded Arin doing anal. That must've been so hot. You know how many times I made myself cum just remembering how you described it? Fuuck, fuck... I'm already getting wet again." 

You palm her breast through her dress, your grip not staying kind for long. You grin at the pretty noise she makes."Yeah, it was pretty amazing. But I think we both know what's even better."

"You're right. I want you inside me."

You slide your hand further up her leg, closer to her core. "Say it."

Whatever might have been in the air, alcohol or static or lust made into the scent of a room, a knock at the door clears it.

"It... it's me. Karina," comes a muffled, hesitant voice.

"Shit," Ryujin mutters. "Just a second." She pushes you back gently and rises to open the door.

And there she is, Karina, standing before you in the flesh, clad in a similarly tight and black outfit as Ryujin. Her dress, though not revealing as much leg, compensates with an open back that adds to her allure. The two girls embrace each other before stepping inside and closing the door. Then Ryujin goes in for a kiss; it's like watching a movie. They start slow, then it gets heated too soon as her body folds into Ryujin's. Maybe Ryujin was right—you could feel a pang of jealousy seeing your girlfriend with your ex. You're not sure you've ever kissed either woman with as much fervor, at least not Karina. When they part, it's as though you've just watched the most beautiful scene in a film, and you're still trying to process the emotions it evoked.

"Hi. Ryujin. Hi, hi," Karina says to Ryujin, her voice quiet. She looks at you. "Hi, Oppa."

"Hey," you reply. "What's up?"

"I saw the both of you heading in here, and I was... I had, had to know..." Already, she's out of breath, worked up.

Ryujin pulls Karina closer, locking the door behind them, and the three of you settle into a circle on the bed. "What did you need to know, Karina?" Ryujin asks, leaning in closer to the other girl.

"I-I'm sorry for following you here," Karina stammers, her gaze fixed on the floor as she folds her hands in her lap.

"Don't worry, you're not interrupting anything," Ryujin assures her with a smile, intertwining their fingers. "We were just talking."

Karina's eyes briefly flicker over your bare torso. "Are you sure?" she asks.

"Mhm. In fact, I think you arrived at the perfect time," Ryujin replies, planting a quick kiss on Karina's cheek. "I think we all need this tonight."

Karina nods slowly. "Okay... if you're sure." After a prolonged pause, she sighs and shakes her head. "I'm sorry if I've ruined things between the two of you. Ever since that date, I've been acting weird, and I'm sure you've noticed. But I don't want to jeopardize your relationship or anything like that."

Exchanging a meaningful glance with Ryujin, who seems amused by the situation, you turn to Karina and speak reassuringly: "It's fine. We understand. And, for what it's worth, you haven't ruined anything. In fact, I think you've helped us." You've reiterated this many times before to Karina, but insecurity lingers, understandably so.

Ryujin grins, sparkling eyes. "Yes, you've been quite the help." She wraps an arm around Karina's waist, pulls her closer, and places a tender kiss on her cheek. "You're amazing."

Karina blushes. "I'm glad."

"Come on," Ryujin says. "We can keep going from where we left off before you so rudely interrupted us."

"I don't know," Karina admits, shaking her head. Her cross necklace bounces against her chest as her gaze lingers on your exposed upper body. You catch the way she bites her lower lip, the way her pupils dilate with desire whenever her eyes meet yours.

"God, you're so cute," Ryujin says, deeply. "You know that?"

"You're not helping," Karina mumbles.

"Do you want me to kiss you again?" Ryujin asks as she cups Karina's face and turns it towards her.

Karina swallows hard. "This is wrong. You know this isn't right. We, what we've been doing, we were just, playing around. Pretending, like... we're not really..."

Ryujin silences her protest. Kisses her deeply. Tongue slips into the other girl's mouth. Karina melts into the kiss while Ryujin's hand slips under her skirt. Ryujin pulls away, panting. "Does that feel wrong?"

"No," Karina breathes out. "Yes. It feels so wrong, oh my god. T-two women, we, shouldn't... no... no, this is bad... this is really bad."

Ryujin puts her lips on Karina's neck. "If you want me to stop, just tell me."

You've never been so aroused in your life, seeing your girlfriend kiss your ex-girlfriend, watching them make out, their bodies pressed together. It's almost surreal, but at the same time, it feels natural. This is how the world is supposed to be, or at least how it's supposed to repay you, Ryujin, and especially Karina. For now, you don't mind being witness to this spectacle, as long as you get a taste of the action.

"Don't stop," Karina whispers, her voice husky. "Please, Ryujin."

Ryujin looks at you, and she knows how badly you want to join in; her eyes tell you that. But you also know she wants to take her time with Karina, to savor every moment. She turns her attention back to the girl beneath her, kisses her again, and explores her mouth with her tongue. Karina is vocal to Ryujin's every touch, starting from fingers running through dark hair, moving down to gentle massages of her neck and shoulder—then, a less gentle kneading of Karina's ample chest over her dress.

There's a plea in Karina's eyes. Please, don't let me moan so deeply, at this lecherous act, at this outright lust. Ryujin does not listen—how can she, above the music outside and the sweet noises coming from her lover? She gropes Karina's breasts with greater intensity and slides her knee between Karina's legs. That knee is a weapon of seduction and lust, and with its power, Ryujin grinds her leg against the crotch of Karina's panties.

Karina's eyes roll back. Ryujin moves down Karina's body, a serpent or a nymph or a succubus, which is enough to make Karina give in and wrap her legs around Ryujin's waist, her arms around Ryujin's neck.

"That's it," Ryujin coos, the temptation of one goddess to make another fall where she stands, assuming she can stand at all when under such a spell. "Give in to your desires."

Your eyes scan over Ryujin's body: smooth thighs wrapped in black stockings, the curve of her ass—which she emphasizes as she sits back and spreads her legs—and a;. "Just let go, baby. Give yourself to me."

You can see the conflict in Karina's eyes. She wants to do as Ryujin says, but she also doesn't want to betray her principles. (What principals, you might ask; this isn't Sunday school.) You wonder how far you can push her. You move closer to them, your hand reaching out and touching Karina's arm. Her eyes snap open with wide-eyed shock.

"It's okay," you say softly. "Just relax."

"But..." Karina trails off, looking away. "I... I can't."

"You can," Ryujin says, kissing her neck. "Because," Ryujin's voice lowers, "you're a good girl."

Karina bites her lip though Ryujin is the one with fangs.

"Yeah, that's it. You're such a good girl." Ryujin licks at her neck, and the girl shivers, but she leans in closer to her touch. "My good girl," Ryujin repeats as if saying it will make it so, and the world has a funny way of answering Ryujin. "Aren't you?"

The devil's flaw was that he was but one creature: you, by contrast, are an accomplice to Ryujin's game. "Yes, you are." You lean down and kiss Karina's cheek, so she shivers at the contact. You press your lips against her ear. "You're a good girl."

Ryujin matches your every peck with one of her own. The twin pair makes her mind melt along with her body, and soon, you've worked her into a fever pitch.

"Fuck," Karina whispers, to make sure the profanity doesn't reach whoever might punish her. She's too loud, too late for that, and you're not complaining. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."

You look at Ryujin, who has an approving smile on her lips, which nip at Karina's skin. Between long kisses and short breaths, Ryujin asks, "What do you think Oppa and I were doing when you showed up?"

"I don't know," Karina responds. "I, I really don't know."

Rest your hands on Karina's hips and kiss her deeply. She gasps as you bite her bottom lip, sucking it between your teeth. When you let go, your voice commanding and low, you say, "Be honest. You know. I bet you pictured it as soon as we walked past you. I bet you picture it every time you see me and Ryujin together."

"I..."

"Karina, I know you touch yourself. All the time," Ryujin says, her hand caressing Karina's thigh. "It's obvious. Even a few days ago, you excused yourself to go to the bathroom, and you came back looking all flustered and embarrassed."

Karina's face flushes red, her eyes darting away. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh come on," Ryujin says. "Don't try to hide it. You were thinking about me and Oppa fucking. You wanted to watch. To join us." She kisses Karina again, her hands gripping the girl's hips, pulling her closer. "You want it so bad, don't you? And so you followed us here. You're such a naughty girl."

She denies it for a third time. A rooster crows. "I... I'm sorry," Karina says, her voice barely above a whisper.

"It's okay. I don't mind. I like it." Ryujin smiles, her eyes locked with Karina's. "But you know what I like even more? What I want most? It's for you to finally be honest with yourself. I know you're still holding back. I know you want to give in. Don't you?"

Karina looks between you and Ryujin, her eyes full of uncertainty and desire.

You step in, addressing Ryujin. "Baby. She clearly has a lot on her mind. I have an idea. How about while she thinks about her decision, you and I do what we were planning for a while."

"Mmm," Ryujin smiles at you, steps closer to your embrace. "I like the sound of that, Oppa."

Holding Karina's shoulders, you say, "If you want to go, that's fine. If you want to just watch, that's fine, too. Or, if you want to try something, Ryujin and I can help you, right baby?"

Ryujin nods, and Karina nods too, with all the certainty a mumbling mouse would possess.

"S-so, what do, what do I do?" Karina asks.

Ryujin gestures at her. "Sit on the bed. There, good, thank you." Then, Ryujin wraps her legs around you, her arms embracing your neck and kissing you hard. "You better give Karina a show."

"What did you have in mind?" you ask.

"The usual," Ryujin says, keeping her face close.

The usual involves you and Ryujin having a lot fewer clothes by now; however, after you're disrobed to your bare essentials, you stop Ryujin from doing the same—you like the way that the dress clings to her figure, the fabric hiking up past her thighs, so instead, you only tug away her panties from under the dress.

"This is all about Karina," you say to Ryujin, making sure you're loud enough for your ex to hear. You put Ryujin on the bed and kiss her neck, your hands sliding over her body, moving up her dress. "I'm gonna fuck you while I look at her, pretend like it's her."

"Oh my god, that's so fucking hot," Ryujin says, her voice strained.

You grab Ryujin's jaw and turn her head, so she looks at Karina. You speak in a low whisper in her ear, "I'm gonna make you scream for her."

"Yes, yes, yes..."

The stage is set. Now, it's time to begin the performance. For the first act, much-chided missionary—as much as Ryujin and you love exploring positions, there are times when you just want to be inside each other. This is exactly one of those times, especially in service of poor and sweet Karina, who you're unsure if she's ever seen this much sex in her life. And the promise is that you're fucking Ryujin as you would—will—Karina, so let the virginal girl see how it's done. Ryujin lies on the bed, her dress pushed up to her hips. Inspired by Karina's cleavage, you take the neckline of Ryujin's dress and push it down, revealing her breasts. They're a tad smaller than Karina's, but still nice. Her nipples are hard and flushed pink, a perfect match to the blush on her face.

You kneel between her legs, stroking your cock.

"Is this how you want me?" she asks, putting on a cute voice, while she reaches a hand down to spread her pussy open. "Am I a good girl, Oppa?"

"You're so sexy," you say, leaning forward to kiss her. "I love you."

"Mmm, I love you too," she says, moaning as your cock brushes against her pussy. More severely—"Now fuck me. Fuck me like you want to fuck Karina."

You nod, lining yourself up with Ryujin's entrance, and as promised instead of looking into your sweet girlfriend's eyes, you look over at Karina. She's frozen in place, her mouth hanging open. You give her a smile before pushing inside Ryujin, your cock sliding easily into her wet hole. But as much as you savor the familiar feeling of Ryujin's tight pussy wrapped around your cock, you focus on Karina. Her eyes are wide, her cheeks are flushed, and her breathing is heavy. She looks so gorgeous. You start to thrust slowly into Ryujin, trying to imagine it's her instead.

Karina holds her hands in front of her mouth, watching as you continue to pump into Ryujin. The contrast between you and Ryujin's slutty moans and the innocent gaze of her former lover gives you a sexual cocktail you can never get enough of. Ryujin hooks her legs around your waist, forcing you deeper into her pussy. Your hands grip her hips tightly as you fuck her harder. Your eyes are locked on Karina's, your voice is husky and low.

"I wonder if you're just as tight. Or wet. Don't you want to know? Just come over here. Come feel. You'll see."

Karina swallows hard while her eyes dart between you and Ryujin. She licks her lips, and her fingers fidget nervously. The desire in her eyes, the need to give in to her urges, the hunger is like pain and sorrow and conflict and it might make you apologize if you were a better man but you're a worse man, and happier for being so. Her eyes dart from your face to Ryujin's, and you notice her dress shift the barest amount—was she touching herself?

"Come on," Ryujin says, panting. "Don't be shy."

Karina hesitates, then slowly gets up and approaches the bed. She sits next to you, her eyes fixed on your cock sliding in and out of Ryujin's pussy. You lean over and kiss her cheek, your breath hot against her skin. "You can touch it," you whisper.

She takes a deep breath and places her hand on your cock, gasping as she feels the heat radiating from your member; it's slick with Ryujin's juices. Karina runs her fingers over your shaft, exploring every inch of it. "So big," she murmurs, her voice barely audible.

You thrust harder into Ryujin to earn her nails digging into your back, an often-earned and always-treasured hurt. "Yes, yes, yes," she cries, contorts, and arches her back while her pussy tightens around your cock. "Fuck me harder. Show me how you'd fuck Karina."

Pace picks up. You have your hands on Ryujin's breasts, but as much as you love your girlfriend's body, all you can think about is Karina's more sizeable and weighty and all-around better tits. There is no need to consult Ryujin about this—it is the truth, self-evident and wholly transparent, and you know she would be glad to get a feel or taste of them for herself.

Not letting your imagination go to waste, you turn to Karina, kissing her neck softly, then move down to her chest. She gasps as you cup her breast with your free hand, kneading it firmly, enough that you can feel her nipple hardening against your palm through the fabric of her dress. "Mmm, you're so soft." Your voice is low and husky.

Ryujin's voice is high and whining: "Your cock feels so good." She reaches down to rub her clit. "And her tits... fuck, baby, I want to feel them too."

Despite her suggestion, Karina is locked in place, shuddering under your touch as you continue to squeeze her chest like putty in your hands. Her lips part slightly as she lets out a soft moan; the sight of you fucking Ryujin must be driving her insane, must be the first thing she pictured when she saw you and Ryujin together for the first time, must be replaying in her mind over and over again. You can tell by the way her pupils dilate whenever you thrust into Ryujin's pussy, how her breath quickens as you caress her breast, and how her hips buck involuntarily when you pinch her nipple.

"Can you hear how wet Ryujin is? She's so turned on by the thought of me fucking you. The way I'm treating her like a little toy." Every time your shaft hilts, the sound of squishing and cum dripping along with her, it's a noise that is both obscene and arousing, a noise that can only come from the worldly pleasures of the flesh. You're making a mess out of Ryujin, as always. "So are you, Karina?"

She nods, slower than the pot boiling over, slower than a clock ticking—certainly slower than the heat rising within her body.

Ryujin turns and faces Karina. "He's so big. He's filling me up... and he's gonna fill me up so good. This could be you, Karina. He could fuck you so good, fuck!"

"I... I can't," Karina whispers, her voice trembling. "I shouldn't... my first time... marriage."

"Forget marriage. You want to, don't you?" you ask, kissing her neck.

"I don't know," she says, shaking her head.

"It's okay," Ryujin says, her voice breathy and strained. "We won't tell anyone. Just let go."

You pull out of Ryujin, making her whine in protest. You look at Karina. "Do you want me to fuck you? Do you want to feel my cock inside you?" You take her wrist and place her hand on your dick, to let her feel how hard it is. "You can touch it again. See how much I want you."

Karina lets out a small whimper as she feels your cock throb in her hand. She strokes it with the sureness of a surgeon who's never seen a body, her eyes locked on your anatomy. The call for your name is barely audible, rings in your ears all the same.

"Do you want to see how good I make Ryujin feel? How she screams for me?"

Listen, the delicious desperation in Karina's voice. "I do." She says it like she's responding a different question she's made up in your head—here, you can do it too: do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband—and the excuses fall away from her like dead leaves from the branches in winter. She's thawed out, blissful and necessary to touch and so very warm.

You position yourself behind Karina, kissing her neck softly as you unzip her dress. You push it down her shoulders, revealing the pale skin of her back and her underwear, the matching black bra and panties.

Ryujin massages Karina's core through her panties, a satisfied smirk on her lips as she watches the other girl writhe in pleasure. "You're soaking wet."

"I'm not," Karina protests weakly.

Ryujin continues stroking Karina's pussy over her panties, drawing another moan from the girl beneath her. "Mhm. Sure."

"How about this, baby girl? We can take it slow. Take off your panties, and spread your legs, just a little bit, and I'll just rub the tip of my cock on your pussy. Then we can play with your thighs." You whisper into her ear, "If you want me to stop, just say the word. But I think you want it."

Karina shivers and breathes faster yet just nods silently. Lifts her hips and slides her panties off. Drops them dead to the floor. Spreads her legs.

You've waited so long. Not just tonight. Not just since she last broke up. Not just when you became friends or when you were still in love. It's been months and years of wanting; it's everything, and more. Of all the women who have come and gone from your life, Karina's presence remains undisturbed and ever-present—a ghost that haunts the halls of your heart with a sweet and melancholy song. Her skin is so soft under your fingers as you caress her thigh. You examine her with reverence and wonder, most of all her pussy, because of all the women you've seen (and you've seen a lot), Karina has the nicest pussy, a perfect and pink pussy, one that is begging to be filled by your cock.

"That's it," you murmur. Run your fingers through her wet folds and grab her ass with one hand. "Such a good girl."

You press the tip of your cock against her entrance. "Wait, w-wait," Karina stammers, her eyes wide with panic.

Ryujin strokes her hair and grabs your shaft, aligning it away from Karina's virginity. "Shh, it's okay. Just relax." She presses your cock against Karina's clit, rubbing it up and down, and Karina gasps, her body tensing. "Does that feel good?"

"Do you like it when I rub your pussy with my cock?" you ask.

"Mmm… yes," Karina says.

"Good." Ryujin keeps stroking your cock against Karina's sensitive nub, which draws another moan from the girl. Karina squirms and her face flushes a deep crimson. "Let him play with your tits."

"Oh my god," Karina gasps, her hands gripping the sheets tightly. You reach around and cup her breasts through her bra—you're closer to her nipples this way, can pinch them between your fingers easily—before you finally free them from their restraints. They're so much softer than Ryujin's—softer than anything you've ever felt. Your fingers knead the tender flesh of her chest, reveling in the way they fit perfectly in your palms, and the nubs are a stiff pink against her pale skin. "Oh god."

"I think she likes this," you say with a chuckle. "I'm going to make you feel so good." You push your cock between her thighs, rub it against her pussy, and savor the way she clamps her legs together. "Fuck, that's hot."

Karina whimpers, squirms underneath you, but you grip her hips to keep her still. As you slide from in and out of her thighs, Ryujin bends over, placing kisses on Karina's waist—then her mouth aims lower. Karina cries out as Ryujin begins to lick her pussy. You've never seen your girlfriend eat with this much gusto before, slurping and sucking at the other girl's juices like they're the tastiest dessert on earth. Without a doubt, Ryujin loves what she's doing.

"Oh god, oh fuck!" Karina does too.

You thrust through Karina's legs, and Ryujin sucks on your tip as it pokes out. Karina is falling apart at the seams, amidst the friction of your length, the ministration of Ryujin's mouth, and just from how guilty and great it all feels.

"Good, good girl," Ryujin says. "This is okay, right? You can still be a good girl."

"I... yes," Karina says breathily. "I'm, I'm a good girl."

You suck on Karina's neck, nibbling at her flesh as your cock grinds against her soaked slit, wet enough to make a mess of her thighs, of Ryujin's lips, of your dick. It could be so easy to just thrust your entire length inside her, until you're balls deep, and do your job. You can taste her nervousness. You can feel it in the way her body tenses, the way she grips the sheets with white knuckles.

"You want to cum so bad, don't you?"

Karina only replies to Ryujin with a whimper. Ryujin smiles as she runs her tongue along Karina's pussy again, then when she suctions hard on her clit, Karina cries out. "Since you're such a good girl..." Ryujin says. "You shouldn't cum. A good girl shouldn't cum... unless Oppa's cock is inside you."

Spreading Karina's legs, Ryujin takes control of your cock to suck and taste Karina's body fluids off of it. Karina can only watch with wide eyes as Ryujin cleans your shaft. She's in even more disbelief when Ryujin pushes her aside to give you a more earnest blowjob, stroking your dick hard with her free hand while she peppers your length with sloppy kisses, especially along the ridge. You can't hold back a barrage of expletives.

Lying next to you in awe, Karina has eyes like a deer in the headlights.

"Do you want something, Karina?" Ryujin asks.

"I want... want to cum."

"Tsk, tsk, didn't I already tell you? Good girls don't get to cum unless it's on Oppa's dick."

Karina's eyes dart between you and Ryujin. She swallows hard, then nods slowly. "Okay."

"Okay?" you ask, stunned at the sudden acquiescence.

"I, I can't take it anymore. I need to cum. Please, Oppa. Fuck me. I want to cum. I need it so bad. I'll do anything."

"Such a good girl," Ryujin says, her voice husky. She positions herself behind Karina, wrapping her arms around the girl's body and cupping her breasts. Karina is on her back, just as Ryujin had been before, but now she receives Ryujin's continual praise. "You're so beautiful. You're such a good girl. You deserve this."

You kneel before Karina and take in the sight of her lying there, looking up at you with wide eyes full of uncertainty. That was the same uncertainty as the first time you asked her out, years ago. The uncertainty when you tried the first time to get into her pants—she's never let you go very far past kissing. The same uncertainty when the two of you had to break up. That uncertainty when she learned you and Ryujin were dating. And now, as Ryujin deepens the kiss, your gaze locks with Karina's, and she's just as nervous and aroused as she's ever been. You push Karina's knees apart and run your fingers through her wet folds.

Karina watches as you line yourself up with her entrance, her chest heaving as she holds her breath in anticipation.

"Are you ready?" you ask, your voice low and husky. Your hand travels from her hip to her smooth, flat stomach. Then, you grab Ryujin's hand as it rests on Karina's soft and heavy chest, now exposed to the air and free to be touched, squeezed, and played with by all of you. You can't believe you're going to be doing this—your ex and your current girlfriend, all while you watch in awe. This is the life of the party, not the loud music, nor the rowdy crowds, nor the alcohol. This is real.

Karina looks at your cock, unable to believe the size of it, or unable to look you in the eye—Ryujin takes hold of your shaft and rubs it against Karina's pussy, and at the same time, grabs Karina's chin to force her to look into your eyes. "Answer him," she says.

"I'm ready," Karina murmurs.

"What? We couldn't hear you, babe," you say with a smirk. You press the tip of your cock against her entrance and push it inside an inch, making her gasp as you stretch her pussy.

"Oh my god" sounds perfect out of Karina's mouth, a sobbed, whiny, desperate moan of a blasphemer who needs to be redeemed in your arms, so different from the deep and throaty moans of Ryujin. It's so cute, just like Ryujin said. A cute virgin girl who's so caught up in this moment, in how your length fills her up like the most worthwhile sin. And as you disappear within Karina's folds, inch by inch, she stares up at you with a mixture of pain and pleasure, her body shaking with every new sensation.

"Say it," Ryujin says firmly.

Karina swallows hard and looks into your eyes. Her voice is barely above a whisper, "Please fuck me, Oppa."

That's enough for you, enough for Ryujin to rub her clit and pinch her nipple and suck on her neck; so the fact that you're a handful of strokes in and she's already cumming isn't unexpected, but her reaction is. She thrashes around under you as wave after wave of ecstasy hits her. It's all you can do to hold her steady, gripping her hips and burying yourself balls deep inside her. Such a powerful climax must've been made even more so by how you continue to pound into her. She's overwhelmed, overloaded—over the edge—with pleasure.

"Oh god, oh god," she chants, her body trembling. "Oh my god."

It's almost a pity Karina cums so easily, instead of having her work for it, like a good girl; but it's only the first round of the night, and she has all the time to learn how to earn an orgasm.

"Woah," Ryujin says, expression impressed as she watches Karina squirm. "She came fast."

Karina opens her eyes to meet your gaze. "I... I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? No, it's okay," Ryujin reassures her.

Karina nods slowly, tears welling up in her eyes.

You take advantage of how you're still buried within Karina's depths to reach down and kiss away one of her tears. Something inside you makes you think that isn't the reason why she's apologizing, but it's close enough for now. It doesn't matter. You're going to fuck the guilt out of Karina until she takes the lord's name only in vein as it molds her pussy. "You can worry about apologizing after you show us how long you can keep up with us," you say, smirking as you pull out of her slowly, until the head of your cock is the only part of your shaft that still fills her entrance.

Ryujin runs her hand through Karina's hair, wiping away her tears and looking into her eyes. "You're so sexy." Her voice is a seductive whisper. "You know that?" She reaches down and caresses Karina's cheek before pressing her lips against hers, kissing her deeply. "Do you know how long I've wanted this?"

Karina breaks eye contact, unable to hold Ryujin's intense stare. "I... I had no idea," she replies in a whisper.

You thrust into Karina again, burying your length inside her and drawing a cry of pleasure from the girl beneath you. You repeat this slow movement again and again and again—for every thrust, Ryujin kisses Karina on the lips, cheeks, neck, ear—while whispering praises into her ears, while making her feel like an angel sent from heaven while keeping her mind on her and you as you take her virginity. You can see how badly she wants to hold onto the last shreds of whatever holding her back, to resist Ryujin's advances, but the more you and Ryujin work in tandem to force these moans out of her throat, the less she holds onto.

Oh, you have plenty to hold onto. You could spend the rest of your life pontificating about Karina's tits, and it feels like the rest of your life because if you die right on the hills that you're sinking fingers into, massaging—even smacking to leave your mark and watch how they recoil—then you'd die the greatest man to have ever lived. And what else is there to be?

Where else is there to be but where you are now, to be in Karina's pussy, clenching and unclenching around your dick like your cock is a part of her body? (Might as well be.)

If this were a place, you can imagine the city.

By the trumpet cry, the walls have fallen—shit, if you had any shame, it'd be gone by the time Ryujin's mouth got to work; Karina is no greater than you as a mess of moans and sobs, murmurs, and curses as she lies there on her back with a smile on her face and a glint in her eyes while Ryujin moves between the two of you to capture either clit or cock in her mouth, exchanging between the two. Whenever you're focused on pistoning inside Karina's pussy, she's lapping away at whatever is exposed to the air. Whenever you pull out for a break or to change positions, Ryujin takes a few moments to tongue Karina's slit or to taste her juices off your cock. So how could there be resistance; how could there be any hesitation in Karina's body as she lies back, letting you take complete control of her body while Ryujin does as she pleases, a perfect storm of two dominant lovers ravaging this sweet, submissive flower who had been too long neglected.

Now, over embarrassment or guilt—Karina is a slut at heart. No, a bitch. A bitch who can't stop crying and moaning out your name because the two of you are putting in work to make her feel so fucking good. And she takes it, and she takes it, and she takes it. Would she have ever acted like this with anyone else? You don't think, even alone, you could ever turn Karina into such a sloppy, slutty mess. You can only guess that, paired with Ryujin, this is who she truly is.

This is why you and your co-conspirator are so compatible in this regard. You don't need to explain to Ryujin that you want to change positions, or that you're doing so because you need some reprieve; your eyes are enough for her to understand. She's already moving to help as you get Karina in an appropriate position, on all fours so that you can fuck her doggystyle from behind. Of course, it also happens that this lets Ryujin slide underneath Karina and eat her pussy out while your cock slides in and out of her entrance.

There is a hunger pang in Karina's gaze as she looks back. The poor woman drools, saliva dripping onto Ryujin's stomach. It's like she doesn't even notice because the way your cock slides into her so easily is too good, and she has to moan every time your balls slap against her thighs. The best thing about the sight of Karina like this—hair stuck to her face, makeup smeared across her cheeks, body covered in sweat—is the sheer bliss written across her features as she takes whatever pleasure the two of you offer.

Then you look down and see Ryujin's expression. It's not one of lust or desire or satisfaction, but one of amusement. She looks positively amused that you're giving everything to this girl, fucking her like you mean it, and she continues to be amused when Karina lowers her head into the bed, between Ryujin's thighs—Karina wants so badly to taste her girlfriend's pussy, but she doesn't know how, with no idea what to do or how to ask, and again, Ryujin just knows all this by the dumbfounded happy look on your face. To be fair, you're mainly in this unbridled glee at the sight of Karina face-down ass-up, and of Ryujin's face between Karina's legs—but it is true that you've got some sort of telepathy going on, because without a word you both reach a consensus in your minds.

"Don't you want to eat her pussy out?" you ask, tugging gently on Karina's hair so that she raises her head back up. A reprieve from getting fucked like crazy, while you lay your shaft flat on Ryujin's face. "I can smell how much she's been needing it."

"Your dick, dick, it's so... ah, hngh, put it back in, put it back in.!"

"Don't try to think about what Oppa's doing," Ryujin coos. "I'm right here." She wraps her arms around Karina's hips and pulls her closer, bringing her pussy closer to the other girl's lips, and you pull back to give them room. "Right here."

You're fine to sit back and enjoy the show while you watch Karina sixty-nine atop your girlfriend. Karina, still unsure what she's doing, stares down at Ryujin for a few long seconds before finally leaning in to give her an experimental lick. Then she closes her eyes and loses herself to the moment as she tastes Ryujin's essence for the first time.

"Good girl," Ryujin sighs as Karina's tongue enters her pussy. "Oppa is so jealous right now, he loves eating pussy. But your tight virgin hole was too good for me to pass up. If you don't know what to do, just follow what I'm doing."

The sight of Ryujin with her lips pressed against Karina's mound while Karina's head bobs up and down between Ryujin's legs makes you incredibly hard, but since you were already as hard as a diamond from fucking Karina so much, you're not sure what lab is going to need your dick, but there must be one doing incredibly important science that will save humanity that could use you for a research study. Karina has never done this before, because you hear her complain about her jaw and how it hurts, but she is so fucking cute.

You can hear her moans as Ryujin's mouth works its magic on Karina's folds, and the way Ryujin rolls her hips against Karina's face says plenty about how she's feeling too. You can understand: even the most amateur mouth is enough when you're getting worked so enthusiastically over. It's just a fact of life.

Maybe you do know guilt, even if you don't feel it, understand it as one might a distant cousin or a person you elected, but never met personally; it doesn't stop you from interjecting into the action with your cock sliding into the space between them: Karina's tender pussy lips and Ryujin's greedy mouth becomes the two cushion that you are sandwiched in-between. The sensation of being between them, the juices that drip onto your length, the saliva that moistens it, the moans that surround it, it is like nothing you've felt before. You're no stranger to having your shaft between two pairs of lips; whenever Ryujin invites one of her many friends to a threesome, there will usually be some oral exchange or another between whoever is getting railed by you and your girlfriend, but this is so different. This is so much more intimate. You look down and see Karina looking back and up at you.

Karina's eyes widen as you thrust your cock between her folds. "Ah... ahh, what?" She turns her head and stares at you with wild eyes, her expression full of surprise and confusion. "What... what are you doing?" She's asking, but she's also grinding back against you, making it clear that she enjoys the feeling of your length sliding along her folds.

"Mmm," Ryujin murmurs against Karina's mound. Her lips press against your cock and she smiles before letting out a soft moan, sucking the tip of your shaft. "This is so hot."

Karina gasps as Ryujin sucks on your cock, taking it into her mouth and licking your length with her tongue. She keeps grinding back against you—too late for her, your dick is down your girlfriend's throat—and thus in her depravity, Karina rubs her pussy against Ryujin's neck where it bulges with every push forward. Your girlfriend is throating you while she gets her pussy eaten out by a woman who should be innocent of such acts of debauchery—yet, one night is all it took for Karina to realize how wrong she's been. There's no use praying away the gay (praying bye to the bi, by the by), not when there's sin in its place. But in truth, this is not one night but the culmination of so much pent-up tension and need. So much waiting around. So much taking care of and consoling, and it's not that you were doing these on purpose, but if you had one unspoken truth between you and Ryujin—

It's that she and any man or any woman, other than you and Ryujin, had no chance of working out by your hands, by hers—but here, tonight, all of those months of patience have paid off for you and your lover. It doesn't matter if Karina didn't want to do this, didn't expect to do this; this was always meant to be her fate like missionaries planting the seeds of their religion into the soil of native lands.

You're anxious you might plant your seed in a place already well-tilled by yourself: Ryujin's stomach. It is not long before both of them start cumming like crazy, and all you can do is keep pounding your cock against your girlfriend's throat—as much as you told yourself you would hold back—while Karina squeals against her pussy, your shaft getting coated in saliva and pussy juice as the two of them orgasm together. You suppose that Karina's oral skills were only sufficient in making Ryujin cum because of the way your cock deprived your girlfriend of air—the orgasms whenever you choke Ryujin are always so intense; you're certain you'd find the same results if Karina's mouth wasn't being put to other uses.

Ryujin finally pulls away, gasping for air as you release her hair. Your cock slides out of her mouth and you slap it across her face a few times before turning your attention back to Karina. She looks back at you with a dazed expression, her body trembling from her climax. You grab her hips and thrust your cock into her tight pussy, making her cry out as you fill her to her wit's end.

"I'm sorry," she says, looking back at you with tears streaming down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, I couldn't hold it back anymore."

Ryujin laughs as she kisses Karina passionately and tastes herself on the other girl's lips. "Don't apologize, baby girl," she says between kisses. "It's okay." She puts her hand on Karina's chest and massages her tits gently as she continues to kiss her. Ryujin turns to look at you, her hand on Karina's cheek.

This is that lie-down and get-ready-to-be-ridden position, and your blood has been boiling all night, ready to be unleashed. Karina and Ryujin both have the kind of ass that makes you want to spank it red until they cry and beg you to stop, but tonight's not about that. Tonight, as Ryujin slides onto your lap, taking your cock inside her with ease, you know there's no stopping either of them.

Normally, you would be saddened by the fact you can't see your girlfriend's face, but it's a fair trade-off, if only for the smacking sounds of Karina and Ryujin's kisses. And then, there's the way that Karina leaves a trail of girl-cum along your abs, as she first takes whatever friction she can find between your abdomen and her cunt, grinding along your stomach; after that, however, she's set on making your face her personal seat, which is fine by you. This is the throne of a god, not one to sit on and rule and dictate and limit, but one to be as, to transform into, to understand and connect with the people who pray for your attention—and Karina wants nothing more than that connection right now.

"I'm sorry I didn't do better," she says between kisses, holding your face in her hands. "I'm sorry I came so fast. I'm sorry we didn't do this sooner. I'm sorry with being with..." She chokes back a sob before continuing. "I'm sorry."

You've never needed an apology, and less so right now: your girlfriend is currently riding your cock like it's going out of style, and Karina manages to say all that without looking at your face—how can she? You can't even laugh at the irony, your every breath dedicated to what oxygen you can get before diving back into the wet heat of her pussy.

"Do you want to be a good girl?" Ryujin asks breathlessly as she bounces up and down on your shaft, her ass slapping against your thighs.

"I want to be a good girl," Karina murmurs as she grinds her pussy against your mouth.

Ryujin grabs Karina's ass and squeezes it tightly. "Stop saying you're sorry," she says between gasps.

Karina looks down at you and bites her lip. "I... I don't know how."

Ryujin pauses her ride, leaning forward and running her hands along Karina's body. "Well, you can beg to ride this beautiful, fffugh, dick..." Her hands move down to your stomach, and she starts grinding back and forth against your cock. "I love it." She turns and smiles at Karina, "He loves it when a girl rides him, and he loves it when I ride him the most. You know how many girls get to ride Oppa? But I'm the best at it."

You understand this angle. If there's one sin Karina might admit to, it's jealousy. She was always a bit competitive with you—nothing too malicious, just a need to be the best; and you're fine to indulge her. You grab Karina's ass and slap it gently, then squeeze her cheeks and spread them apart. "She's right, you know," you say, your voice low and husky.

Ryujin chuckles, shaking her head. "Of course I am," she says with a smirk, turning to look back at you.

You play with Karina's ass for a few moments before grabbing her hips and pulling her closer, bringing your face back to her mound. You press your lips against her pussy and kiss her tenderly. Your tongue slips between her folds and you lick her slowly. She tastes so sweet.

"Oh god..." Karina gasps, gripping your hair tightly as you lick her pussy. "I have to ride it. It looks, so, so good."

"You have to?" Ryujin asks in a mocking tone. "Oh, so now you're getting bold?"

"I want it," Karina whines. "Please?"

"You'll stop apologizing?" Ryujin asks as she moves off your lap, your cock still slick with her juices.

Karina nods, unable to look away from your length. She crawls up to your lap and elects to ride you reverse cowgirl, but only after Ryujin guides her in with a hand on the small of Karina's back. You don't mind either way—you're glad for this angle, for the underrated sight of Karina's back or her ass. You could trace the bumps of her spine or the dips in her waist. Though the position is naturally no novelty, this woman and all her impossibly perfect curves are, even if only for this night. Her ass is perfect; she has a perfect figure; and you love every inch of her skin, from her smooth shoulders to her soft thighs to her slender legs. Ryujin was right—you do love watching girls ride your cock, especially when they're new to it, when they haven't learned this choreography yet.

Karina has no trouble getting into the rhythm as she works you over like she was born to ride dick. Ryujin is there to support Karina through the process, running her hands along the other girl's body and kissing her passionately as she bounces up and down on your cock. Karina turns to look at you, brows creased, mouth wide open, lips wet with saliva. She can't stop moaning as your cock stretches her tight pussy. It's so adorable the way she tries to be quiet and ends up squealing instead. Her eyes roll back as Ryujin bites her neck and grinds against her body.

"Goddamn, girl," Ryujin whispers breathlessly. "You're so fucking sexy. Maybe you deserve his cum after all."

"Hngh, thank you," Karina says.

Ryujin laughs and grabs Karina's hair to move it out of the way before leaning in to suck on her neck. You can imagine what a mess it's making on her face, especially as sweat drips down her temples. The thing about Karina is that she might be a sloppy mess, but she's still just as pretty as ever, even if that prettiness is marred by the sweat that mats her hair, and the way she looks completely blissed out—even more so than earlier—with her eyes rolled back and her lips parted.

You thrust up into Karina's pussy, making her cry out. Your hands move to her hips and you lift her body up and down along your shaft. She looks at you with tears streaming down her cheeks and smiles.

"Yeah? Thank me?" Ryujin asks. You feel her weigh down against your thigh as she straddles you from the side, sits atop it, grinds back and forth while she reaches behind Karina to fondle your balls.

"Please," Karina begs in a soft voice, looking at you with wide eyes. "Please give me your cum."

You've had your climax postponed for a while, with the break from fucking Karina and the time Ryujin has taken to warm you back up. You're not sure how you'll be able to hold out any longer. Then Ryujin gives a glance. "Cum," she mouths.

That's all you need really. Karina twerks on your cock, forgetting everything she's learned, repeating profanity. All you need. An asscheek to spank and spank, or a breast to squeeze and squeeze until you can see the red handprint on her body, to feel that weight in your palm. A loving and supporting girlfriend to help you out with some verbal encouragement. All you need, and if you asked for anything more from up above, they'd answer like you just knocked the gates of heaven at 3:21 AM, and there's good Saint Peter asking:

"Well, now what? Oh, you want more?"

✦✧✦✧✦✧

AFF, AO3

Another sane Levi fic as always.

[spider-ghoul]

Babysitting <3

Percy Jackson X gn!reader (fluff)

In which: a call from Sally Jackson leads you to help with her youngest, and spend the night with her eldest son. Lingering glances and sleepy confessions only to be forgotten by morning.

Warnings: Reader is mentioned to be smaller than Percy once, kissing, none I can think of but as always lmk if there's anything!!

this might be complete shit lmao I finished this at like 3:00 am last night but I wanted to get something out to feed the beasts of this website

~~𓈒ㅤׂㅤ𓇼 ࣪ 𓈒ㅤׂㅤ⭒ 𓆡 ⭒ㅤ𓈒ㅤׂ 🫧~~

At six o'clock on a Friday, normally I'd be rotting in my bed after the week of school. And that was the plan, until Mrs. Jackson mom called.

"Oh- (y/n) I'm so sorry for asking but do you think you could watch Estelle tonight? Me and Paul had a date but Percy was going to the movies with Grover tonight and we-"

"Mrs. Jackson, yeah, it's fine. When do I need to be over?"

"Six is when we're leaving."

"I'll be there at five fifty."

"You're a savior."

This was perfectly fine. Me and Percy were friends and i was the only half-blood who lived around here. I watched Estelle a few times before too. No biggie. Except for the fact I'd been in love with Percy Jackson for...a while.

I mean, he was  kinda my friend. But god, he was Percy Jackson.

At five forty, i headed out. I grabbed my backpack, making sure i had the baby sitting essentials for any four year old: nail polish, beads, and my old rainbow loom (i also spent a extra minute making sure my hair looked okay so that if i saw a certain older brother) I figured that and the t.v. would be more than enough to keep us occupied till her bedtime at eight.

I got there right on time (surprisingly), and Sally greeted me with another thank you. She tried to hand over a few bucks cash, but i pushed her hand away.

She rushed out of the door with Paul after a few more (failed) attempts of paying me, leaving me with an excited two four old. And before too long, she had me watching Bluey (Though i do thoroughly enjoy that show), and making bracelets for us.

She watched as i showed her how to bead the string and make sure the letter beads where on the right way, and then she helped me choose colors.

To start i made one with her name in purple and white. She giggled and slide it on her wrist. I started working on a second one, and she told me to tie hers. It was all blue and had me spell out 'Percy' with beads for her.

"Is this for your brother?" She nodded excitedly, "well, we'll give it to him when he get here, okay?"

I got a solid hour with the beads before she got bored, and by the end both of our wrists had a fair share of bracelets littering them, and a small pile of three bracelets for Percy.

I seriously hope she's awake when he gets here, I can imagine the teasing that would come with handing him bracelets and saying, "oh yeah sorry I'm at your house haha baby sitting- oh me and your sister made you bracelets-". Or i could imagine our hands touching causing me to panic. I could imagine a million things actually.

I think this whole crush is really getting out of hand, especially with me becoming his mom's go to sitter now a days.

Estelle broke me from my thoughts with requests to watch 'Nemo', her favorite. We've watched it every time I've babysat. Part of me wonders if Percy likes it too, I mean with the whole sea god thing. 

As for her request, I made a bag of microwave popcorn and set her down in front of the TV.

I vaguely remember the opening, and Estelle fell asleep next to me before i dozed off myself.

I woke up a bit later, maybe half an hour? The movie wasn't finished, but Estelle was already fast asleep. I took the liberty of scooping her up and placing her in her own bed before going to clean up the main room.

It wasn't bad, just putting away my beads, and getting the popcorn bowl out of the way. I was tired enough, school was rough this week. I just planted myself back on the couch, finding Nemo not quite finished as I did.

I'm not quite sure when i feel back asleep, just that i did.

I'm also not quite sure when Percy Jackson sat down next to me, but he did.

I woke up, curled around a throw pillow, the end credits were playing. I rolled onto my back, and that's when I saw him.

Maybe i was too tired, or maybe he was just smiling, but i didn't feel all that anxious. At least not like i normally do around the son of the sea god.

"Do you always fall asleep to Nemo or is this a special occasion?"

"Do you always watch me sleep or is this a special occasion...?"

He laughed and my heart fluttered.

"Uhm, sorry your mom had me come over to babysit, I didn't know you'd be home yet." I say awkwardly smiley as i sit up, yawning. 

"It's fine, y/n. She texted me, sorry to have you waste a Friday."

"Oh its fine, better than doing nothing. Your sis was an angel, like always." I say, shifting, my shirt bunched up around my waist while I was sleeping. I was also pretty positive my hair was a mess. 

"Oh and speaking of my mom- before i forget." He pulled out a twenty, "now I figure you aren't gonna want to take it, but it's sally's orders."

"I'd feel bad, its just a favor. Your mom is always so nice, she patched me up after a monster attack once, this is just me repaying her."

"She did? When?" His eyebrows furrowed together, his eyes filled with concern.

And i felt my face getting hot again.

"A few weeks ago, your house was closer than mine, it's fine." I mutter, looking down. 

He sighed, "what happened?" he said, reaching out to put his hand over mine. I short wire for a moment, looking back up at him. 

"Just something on my way home from school, it wasn't bad."

After a brief moment of silence, i wanted to crawl out of my skin.

He sighed, "as long as you're fine." he lifted his hand off of mine, though I could still feel his warmth. 

I smiled weakly, "oh uh..what time is it?" 

"Uh.. ten-ish?"

"I should be getting home." I say, sighing turning away from him. 

"It's pretty late, I wouldn't want you to walk back alone."

"It's not far-"

"I'm sure my mom would say the same thing, you know."

I sighed, knowing he was right, "i don't want to intrude." 

"Neither me or Sally would care."

"...."

"...can i bribe you to stay with waffles?"

"...yeah you can." I sigh, any of Sally's food was enough to make me do just about anything. 

Percy smiled, making my heart melt.

"Great, it'll be like a sleepover. Do you need to borrow a shirt or something?"

"Yeah, that uhm- that would be great." I mutter, pushing myself up off the couch. My neck was sore, who would have guessed that a throw pillow wasn't great for sleeping? I stretch my arms out over my head, yawning again. 

"tired?" He chuckles, raising his eyebrow. 

"well you did just wake me up-" I resort, rolling my eyes. I always forget how nice Percy is. I always worry about stupid things, but when I'm with him none of it really matters.

"You woke up on your own- I was simply..." He trails off, and I laugh:

"Watching me sleep?" 

"What can I say? You looked so.. pretty." He look down at me, and I could swear my heart stops, but I don't look away.

"...Yeah, whatever." I mummer quietly,  staring into his eyes and blinking a few times before finally breaking eye contact.

After a short moment, He mumbles something about getting me to bed. I nod quickly, following him to his room, which is surprisingly clean. He digs though his dresser drawers for a moment, pulling out some old band tee, and blue plaid pants. He hands them to me. 

"Is this fine for you? might be a big big, just let me know-" 

"it's fine. No worries." I say quickly, taking them, making sure to avoid his hands. "Thanks." 

He smiles again, and I leave for the bathroom, my heart pounding in my ears. 'pretty'? it's nothing, Percy is just nice like that. 

I change into his clothes, the smell of ocean engulfing me as the soft fabric hangs from my body.  I can't help but to push my head into my shoulder. It smells like him. 

I ball up my jeans and tee shirt, shoving them into my backpack. I slipped out the bathroom once I calmed myself down enough to talk to him again. 

I walk up to Percy's door, "Hey, I'm gonna go lay down do you have a blanket or something I can use..?" 

His eyebrows furrowed as he looked up at me from where he was laying on his bed, "You don't seriously think I'm making you sleep on the couch-?" 

"Well I kinda assumed..?" 

"Get over here you dork." He said, scooting over on his bed, "Plenty of room- you don't mind, do you?" 

Part of me lit on fire, and part of me was desperate to put it out. My ears got hot, but I managed to nod.

"No, I don't mind.." 

I place my bag on the floor by the door, walking up and sitting on his bed, sliding my legs under the covers and sliding down to lay next to him. I was stiff, worried to so much as touch him. But eventually, I relaxed, turning to lay on my side, facing him. 

I looked at him through half-lidded eyes, my body already starting to sink into his bed, ready to get a proper night's sleep. My eyelids slowly drifted shut. 

I was woken when Percy broke the silence. 

"Y/N?" Percy whispered, almost silent. 

"Mhm..?" I mumbled back, not bothering to open my eyes. 

"I really like you, you know that?" 

If I wasn't half asleep, maybe I would have said something different. If I had the energy maybe I would have been flustered. 

"... I really like you too." 

I only heard him chuckle before he placed a hand on my hip. 

"Get some sleep, yeah? I'll confess my undying love when you'll properly Remember it." 

I must have frowned, because he laughed lightly and pulled me a little closer. 

It didn't matter though. I slipped back to sleep, and when I woke up I didn't  remember. 

I remembered waking up some point in the night, but I didn't know what was said. 

And in the morning, I got the promised waffles and left the Jackson's apartment. 

The ever chivalrous Percy Jackson (who I woke up cuddling with), offered to walk me home. 

We took the long way, and when we reached my door step, he pressed his lips to mine and told me he couldn't wait for me to babysit again, though he wouldn't mind me coming around before then. 

He left me breathless and giddy, and so so happy to have accepted Sally's offer.

[merp-blerp]

Part 2 of A Gaylor interpretation of "The Prophecy"

I had more Thoughts™ that I initially left out for length, but I'd like to elaborate in sections. Special thanks to @mamataylovesrubbi for being so friendly. This community is so lovely.

TW: Brief talk of self-destructive behavior and suicide near the end.

Part 1 here

Overblown Analysis Under the Cut ↓

Artemis/Diana

Some things about Artemis/Diana that I left out of part one I left out were that 1) Artemis is also the goddess of the hunt and animals. I think that tidbit adds to the fable connection, as fables are often stories about animals. When it comes to the hunt, songs like WAOLOM and The Albotros possibly being about Taylor planning revenge on her closet-ers really scream huntress. Artemis can also become a deer, a somewhat surprisingly non-vicious animal for a huntress, if she pleases. "I've been the Archer / I've been the prey." I think this could portray Taylor's strengths and weaknesses. 2) Artemis is a virginal goddess, never having any male lovers in her stories. This doesn't necessarily make Artemis a sapphic goddess, even though I've seen that interpretation, but it's pretty telling that Taylor would align so closely to a goddess with that trait. 3) Artemis/Diana was also the goddess of the moon (somewhat, it's a bit complicated, but that's Greek mythology for you). Fits the themes of Midnights, with Taylor being Midnight (Rain) and her lover being Sunshine. Though that probably shouldn't be taken too literally, as Apollo, god of the sun, is Artemis's twin brother. Trust him like a brother, yeah—

2. Vocalizing

Taylor's vocalizing after "...tell me it'll be okay" reminds me vaguely of the vocalizing in "My Tears Ricochet", a song, like this album, alludes to Taylor dying.

3. "But I looked to the sky" and "I've been on my knees"

With all the talk of sky, I wonder if maybe "Bigger Than The Whole Sky" might be about failed coming outs. I don't know if this is something others thought have already (probably), but I never thought of it before. Meanwhile, the repeat of being on her knees makes me think of "Would've, Could've, Should've". I've mentioned before that I'm open to that song being actually about JM because it wouldn't surprise me if she tried dating dudes in some way early on in her career, whatever that would mean. However, I'm open to alternatives too. With my analysis of Taylor's Eve being bitten by the serpent/Devil, maybe the serpent could be the Devil from "Would've, Could've, Should've". Maybe the Devil could be The Professor from my "The Manuscript" analysis. I'm leaning toward that Devil being her old label.

4. Throttle

A throttle is several things. It can be something to give machinery fuel. It can be a verb, you can throttle something, aka kill it by strangulation. By "hand on the throttle," I think Taylor was saying she was ready to not only fuel/validate her truth, but kill her past lives. I get this vibe that TTPD might be for TS12 what Reputation was for Lover. Just like with Rep, she's killing the old Taylor(s) that hid her queerness before she steps into the daylight with what comes after. Makes me understand all the chockers and high-neck collars she's been sporting for this era.

5. "And it was written"

I feel like I grazed over this part of the line a bit. What was written? It could be Taylor's lyrics or her 100 thrown-out speeches. She wrote them, but wasn't heard anyway, cursed. Or it could be the word written in the Bible. (In my opinion, shit) translations of the Bible call for all kinds of things to happen to queer people, and has so for years. Not that many though because the word homosexual didn't even exist when the Bible was first scribed. Taylor was cursed before she was even born. Possibly like Eve. Didn't Eve have control over whether she ate the fruit or not? Do queer people have control in who they love? Christian will debate forever.

6. "Let it once be me"

One reason why Taylor wasn't out from the get-go obviously has to do with where her career began and under what industry she was entering. An underaged, famous, sapphic country singer sounds a bit wild now honestly, imagine in 2006! The world would not have been ready, unfortunately. But why can't Taylor come out now? Well, in "WAOLOM", Taylor sneers, "I am what I am 'cause you trained me". She was raised to closet for her whole career, maybe even longer, who could know? And of course, "Old habits die screaming" (from "The Black Dog"). After this album, however, I feel like she's gearing up to free herself. Still, there are so many people younger than Taylor who come out super casually, like Reneé Rapp, Girl in Red, etc, without games or clear fear. Taylor probably sees them and wonders why she couldn't have/had that freedom. Maybe when she says specifically, "redo the prophecy" rather than "change the prophecy" she wishes she could go back in time and somehow make it so she could've come onto the scene out and proud way back then.

7. "like fools in a fable / Oh, it was sinking in"

I think Taylor started feeling like she'd never be free as she began to write Folklore. Of course, she knew the plan didn't work before that in 2019, but as she created Folklore and Evermore, she realized she was anywhere near where she wanted to be in 2020, playing the same games. It sunk in with that. That's why Folklore, Evermore, and even some Midnights songs can sound so hopeless. As an LSK, I don't believe it was due to a breakup, but more closeting. All the albums after Lover seem to have minimal color because she can't be herself.

8. "My last coin"

So, I mentioned in part one that Taylor had/has referenced self-inflicting harmful actions towards herself in many songs. She also mentions poison in this song. It got me thinking about Romeo and Juliet and how that play goes. Taylor, with the "Poison blood from the wound of the pricked hand" seems to be combining Romeo and Juliet's death, Juliet getting stabbed or "pricked" and Romeo drinking poison. Maybe this symbolizes that, even though when she was younger, more naïve and optimistic, she exclusively identified with Juliet and changed her ending in "Love Story", now she identifies with both Romeo and Juliet, even sometimes taking on the "male" role in her songs (e.g. The Heartbreak Prince and JaMEs). A part of me wonders if that could be a comment on her gender identity too, but that goes a bit over my skill level to analyze. But it feels sad that Taylor used to change the fates of Romeo and Juliet and now she's honest about what happens to them. As I said before, I want nothing but good for Taylor. it will be okay. 🤍 ✌️🌈

Alrighty, I think I got it all out of me. Watch me think of some more shit with this song. 🙄😅

[peachcitt]

🐕

when adrien finds out that ladybug has a crush on the adrien agreste (himself), he starts trying to manufacture dates for ladybug and himself as adrien while he's chat noir, especially after he finds out that ladybug doesn't have a soulmate mark, which means she's never kissed her soulmate (and she's never kissed him). however, ladybug keeps on refusing his offers to set up dates (it's because she already has a soulmate mark) (she's kissed chat noir) (he just doesn't remember) (and his mark is behind his ear) (so he's never seen it) (she's seen it) (when he asked if she had a mark she panicked and said no)

dog: send one of the summaries i made and i'll try write a bit of it

"It must be nice to know who your soulmate is," Adrien says, leaning his chin in his hands and swishing his boots in the air. His cat ears twitch, picking up the sigh Ladybug gives off from where she's standing behind him. He leans back, casting his head back to look at her.

She's standing with her foot propped up on a taller ledge on the edge of the rooftop, her hands up by her eyes to shade them from the sun. The perfect image of business; this is a patrol for the safety of Paris.

"Don't you think so?" he asks.

Ladybug's shoulders draw up to her ears. "I guess," she says noncommittally.

Adrien lays down, propped up by his elbows, and squints up at the bright blue sky. "I've just been thinking about it recently" - he'd done an ad campaign for a perfume that smells 'exactly like finding your soulmate'; he'd been staring at his own face blown up on a billboard maybe twenty feet away from him - "and it's crazy to think that it only shows up once you've kissed them. Do you have to do, like, a full body search right after you kiss somebody? Do you each mutually excuse yourselves to go to the bathroom? Like, what's the procedure here?"

Ladybug makes a vague noise.

"I've never kissed anyone, so I wouldn't know," he says, and he hears a choking sound behind him. He drops his head so that he can look at her upside down. She looks like she's falling.

"You're saying you've never kissed anyone?" she asks, glancing over at him.

He shakes his head, feeling the ends of his hair brush against the concrete rooftop. "Have you ever kissed anybody?" he asks.

"I mean," she says, still cupping her hands over her eyes, "I guess I've- to say that I've done it is- I mean, it's. Yeah, I guess I have."

Adrien sits up straight and turns around so fast that it surprises her out of her business stance. "Do you have your mark?" he asks. "Did you check?"

"No!" she snaps, and then her face blanches. "I mean I- I do- I did-" She cuts herself off, covering her face with her hands. "I did check," she finally says. "I don't have one."

[drifloonz]

hellooo. Can I ask for some dad steven headcannons?

i've been ignoring too many of my requests SOOO yes!! you may :)

dad steven headcanons!!

these are long sorry. or not sorry. whichever works. smile

____

♡ ok first of all. if this man impregnates you or anyone uh. he'll either be really into the idea or really fucking scared. usually a mixture of both. nervous and very anxious excitement.

♡ like he's always wanted children but in the state he's in now, he has always seen it as something unachievable for him nowadays

♡ who's getting pregnant? YOU decide!!!!!

♡ alternatively adoption exists which yeah that works too

♡ presumably, if this is a scenario where he's dating someone either the reader or like someone else, then PRESUMABLY he's gotten his life at least a little back together enough to clean his house a bit and clean Himself up a bit and generally just take care of himself and his surroundings more to be liveable enough for him, you, and presumably a child.

♡ single father steven is also very good. either or. but if he's a single father and a baby just drops in front of his doorstep he would take it but panic really hard ( he may at the dead of night fly to some adoption center and hope to god they take this random child... but he's also deathly scared of bad things happening especially w. waves hands at his whole story. so he might be too overprotective already to do that. )

♡ either way into actual dad hcs

♡ he used to babysit a shitton when he was younger, mostly with red and blue, so he's got the skillset for it. and he's also used to wanting to be a good rolemodel! it's just that these skills are so tucked away after the Depression Spiral that it's hard to get him back, but he definitely tries - for his child.

♡ honest to god if you asked him to name his child he'd either make an entirely new name or, because he's unoriginal and had a whole spiral over it, would name her miki or something very similar if she's a girl.

♡ welcome to the world Cool Charizard ( legal name ) /j

♡ ... it'd also be funny if whenever he has a child its always Girl because . yea. yea. Narrative curse.

♡ either way they basically don't have access to the internet bc i don't think steven even has that shit because he's poor as hell. at most he has phone data somehow that he probably isn't paying for. somehow.

♡ maybe his rent gets paid for him bc he was champion once idfk /j

♡ i thnik people are just too scared to properly enter his house and tell him to pay taxes and or rent he just gets to keep his shitty bigass house for free

♡ also it would be weird considering i think that the entirety of kanto tried to sweep him and his whole situation under the rug BUT THATS UNRELATED. SO!!!

♡ basically his kid is not an ipad baby thank god.

♡ even if his partner has one he's going to be like. vaguely scared of technology and also thinks itd be a really bad idea ( it is ) to just raise their child on that shit. the baby gets one cocomelon video a week /j

♡ thank god he probably still has his tv's that somehow still work so he just will let them watch baby shows in the living room sometimes instead of fucking cocomelon . thatd be horrendous.

♡ sometimes watches kids shows with his kid in his lap or next to him. usually falls asleep pretty quick into doing that

♡ he DOES tuck them in goodnight.. sometimes tells them stories.

♡ steven is really really really really overprotective over his child/ ESPECIALLY if it's like. straight up his child with you or whatever. that was a labor of LOVE!!! this also means he loves them very much but he's very dodgy with them going outside and whatnot. at least without his supervision.

♡ he'll be silly for his child and his child only. he'll make funny faces for them to giggle at and things like that and try to do fun things w his lil baby. etc etc. it's very cute to look at but if you use it against him he's going to glare at you really hard and squint judgementally

♡ honest to god i've said this so often to my friends . steven is ABSOLUTELY the type of guy to accidentally drop his baby while trying to hold them or throw them into the air a little and go "Oh shit. Sorry". brad lisa the painfulcore type dad except like less morally neutral bc his situation isnt the same

♡ lets the baby nap in with him a lot. sometimes you can walk into his bedroom and see him with all of his long ass hair splayed out on the bed and the baby also splayed out on the bed ... stevens gotta get his beautysleep!!! so does his kid!!!

♡ stevens really not sure whether to keep miki ( the charizard ) a secret from his child or not. because he knows that like. miki wouldn't hurt his baby almost definitely but he's still kind of scared of the possibility of either of them hurting one another accidentally or not... so at least until theyre older miki's probably a thing he tries not to mention.

♡ in general he also tries to not talk about himself or his past at all to his kid. he doesn't want them to know the ugly sides of himself.

♡ he just pretends he's a normal guy. if they somehow find out otherwise he'll either sigh deeply and tell them the truth, likely as some sort of life lesson to them ( either on safety, cautiousness, boundaries and trust w the trading incident or 'Hey if this happens to you maybe don't do what i did' but im not sure if he's self-aware enough to think of him as in the wrong entirely in that situation ), or he'll just say "must be a different guy" ( they look exactly the same in photos other than how disgruntled steven is now ... )

♡ he absolutely has a baby carrier. i think he always has wanted to carry a baby like that bc he thinks its all cute and funny. he probably smiles at you when you look at him wearing that with your little googoo in it. it looks so odd on him that it's kind of funny

♡ steven is absolutely a dilf tbqh... imagine dadbod steven NOW.

♡ sorry for sidetracking so much. anyways, he's the type of dude who OVERprepares. like MONTHS in advance, he's already buying a shitton of baby clothes, food, bottles, various furniture, etc. how is he buying these? well. either with your money or he's stealing that shit. or he somehow actually has money now. he might've mugged the various people who try to sneak into his house and 'mysteriously' die. who knows. It's a living! Kind of..????

♡ due to his general aversion of society he's kind of torn over wanting to go to a hospital or just doing it in a tub or something if its a situation where he has a partner. i think ultimately he'd do it in a hospital, despite his fear of people, because he's really scared of something going wrong. he'll wait with like. bated breath. scared as hell.

♡ he will cry the second that baby is in his arms. 100%. trust me. like. silently, probably - at least for the first few seconds. but theres a lot of tears. and a smile.

♡ he hums little lullabies to his baby and will gently move them back and forth... while the babies probably chewing at his hair a little.

♡ also yes he lets the baby play with his hair... his hair is that childs stimtoy ( whatever this means )

♡ s!3v3n is also surprisingly calm and good to the baby. the baby would either be fucking terrified of s!3v3n's face or think its silly and laugh at it. s!3v3n particularly likes to make silly faces where his tongue sticks out real far ( he can just do that when hes like that dw abt it ) and he goes crosseyed

♡ =P =D => <- s!3v3n making silly faces for a baby ( pov )

♡ ok this has all mostly been pregnancy and baby hcs. actual kid hcs uhhh... he probably really wants to homeschool his kid bc hes very overprotective but if you talked him into it he'd reluctantly put them in Actual Public School so they can have like. a social life. lol. bc otherwise theyd be EXTREMELY fucking isolated considering stevens been vanquished to Pallet Town's Shadow Realm ( aka pallet town 'A little to the west guarded by rocks and past the forest' edition ) and steven really doesnt want them to be lonely bc it sucks and hes been isolating himself for most of his life at this point so he knows it sucks

♡ he gets more comfortable going outside. most of kanto has forgotten about him anyways - he just specifically avoids going out to pallet town. if his kid wants to go there and hes not a single dad he'll have his partner do it for him. but he likes to go take walks with them and go to playgrounds. plus, he doesn't even have to whip miki / M' out in the wild grass - pokemon avoid him anyways. lol.

♡ as bittersweet as it is, if his kid wanted to be a pokemon trainer he WOULD have the best tips and tricks on it... he was the undefeated champion and arguably the first ''pokemon master'', whatever that term even means. ( presumably ''trainer champion'' instead of ''probably appointed to be in that position for someone to fight'' champion. like lance. or The Other steven. or smth. )

♡ he'd probably find a way to get his kid a starter... he still lives in kanto and close to pallet town too, so he can pull a silver and like. steal a starter. or he could just send his kid on their way ""without supervision"" ( hes lurking in the forest keeping an eye out just in case ) to ask oak about it

♡ if they pick charmander it is 90x more bittersweet. amen. but i think bulbasaur would be cute too bc its the only starter not picked and not relevant in strangled red + my own personal bulbasaur bias.

♡ although stevens going to tell them not to trade pokemon for obvious reasons - either thru a ''spooky tale'' / urban legend ( that is just his story but he tells it much more vague. like. ''... well i heard sometimes pokemon don't come back out.'' ) or just straight up says some shit like ''yea don't trade pokemon. it's bad.'' without elaborating

♡ regardless. he's still being very overprotective and unless his kid doesnt budge on it hes preferably not letting them go explore the world on their own until theyre like... 13-16

♡ even then. hes usually kind of trailing behind without telling them bc he legitimately has nothing better to do.

♡ ... also if the kid doesnt have a rival , like, no one at school or no one who they meet in their journey, then steven might. like. sigh deeply. get a few pokeballs from god knows where. catch a new team comparable to their kids level range. and be their rival. who is also their dad of mid 20s to early 40s in age. for some reason. people question it but he doesnt care he just wants his kid to have fun

♡ funnier option that i dont think he'd do ( probably ) is he pulls a clavell ( or team rocket ) and acts like a totally different guy when all that changes is his fit and maybe his haircut. except he prob pulls it off well. he'd still be obviously steven but his cap is backwards and his hair is tied up and his little jacket or w/e is around his waist and thats all that changes. his shoes might be untied for the 'stupid kid / teenager' look but then he trips over his feet and ties them bc its not worth the image

♡ alternatively ; its just s!3v3n. thats kind of steven but different right ( JOKING. HE WOULD NOT DO TH

♡ this hypothetical would be way funnier if he regained his entire reputation somehow of being a cool and strong pokemon trainer that he had when he was actually a trainer bc ppl forgot abt champion steven. and hes just like. "Okay. It's a neverending cycle of torment huh." under his breath when his kid cannot hear

♡ if asked for his name in this state hes just like uhh. uhhhhaa,.f uh. uh. stephen... thhhheee. third.

♡ he's probably not doing the thing mike and or blue did where hes the last e4 fight who isnt even an e4 member but is your rival. thats a bit too bittersweet for him. this whole exercise is fun but he doesn't wanna FULLY relive his glory days a year before his awesome trauma spiral. he also may or may not even do the gym leaders for the same reason. hes just a guy who his kid fights sometimes that is classified as a rival by technicality

♡ also yes he still has miki. he always has miki. shes just probably tucked into a bag or smth so ppl dont ask about why he has a cracked fucked up pokeball. she only comes out if his kid is in serious danger and he needs an intimidation tactic, or at worse, a method to quickly harm or kill someone with

♡ eg if a serious evil team situation happened and genuinely harmed his kid or threatened to their asses are not leaving unscathed.

♡ sorry this specific 'fake rival who is also your dad who also used to be the undefeated and first trainer champion of kanto' scenario is extremely fucking funny to me + fun in general. but moving on

♡ type of guy to dress his kid when theyre like a baby who cant think for themself in the stupidest halloween costumes ever. big pumpkin costume. hes about to crack into laughter when he takes a picture of them in it . or a charmander costume . because its steven. ( yes hes in a giant charizard onesie and yes if you make fun of him or his kid hes going to kill you dead

♡ he does go trick or treating w them too. he like. feels normaler on halloween. it was probably one of his favorite holidays even if pallet town was small an he probably got 50% apples and shitty non name brand stuff and 50% actual candy from the neighborhood homes

♡ type of parent whos going to squeeze his kids hand real tight when they get a shot or anything like that

♡ semirelated. hes tall and his hands are big but hes still gunna hold his kids hand everywhere even when theyre older until his kid complains enough ab it being embarrassing.

♡ has to crouch to talk to his fucking kid on eyelevel a lot of the times that his back hurts. like. more than it usually does.

♡ solution; just pick them up and talk to them while they are lifted into the air if theyre ok with it

♡ piggyback rides for his kid. 100000%. hes a piggy back ride type of guy. along with other similar things. would it be called grumpiggyback riding because its pokemon... anyways

♡ i think when his kids older they probably have a lot of inside jokes and steven likes to banter with them a little. playfully. and also likes to make jokes with the most deadpan ass voice bc his kid finds it funny, probably.

♡ stevens never had parents, so being a parent to someone else is... foreign, but also not really? as mentioned he did constantly used to babysit blue and red. and he was overall the teenage childhood role model for many kids in pallet town... but he himself was mostly raised by mike. so. either way, he very much loves kids and taking care of them. so tldr. hes a really good dad.

♡ i have more ideas but if you want any specific dad steven hcs explored jusrt ask me bc i have thoughts on this.

[enlighten3d]

Hi sorry I know this might be really personal and you obviously don't have to answer if you don't want to but you post a lot about being aroace and I've been thinking about that for myself kind of a lot lately and was just wondering how you know for sure that that's what you are as opposed to not having found the right person yet kind of thing that people always tell you.

Again sorry personal absolutely don't feel pressured.

mmmm okay so! idm answering this, im happy to help (: but for claritys sake: i am asexual by definition, but i dont indentify as such! i only id as aromantic bcs thats the only indentity that actually feels important and like a part of me. might not make any sense but whatever lol

how i knew that im aro? i just. found the label, and was like, 'sure, why not.' and it stuck. its... for the difference between being aro and not having found the right person yet, its that, well. okay, so what if youre not actually aro? you do meet someone you love romantically even after youve ided as aro for years? cool, whatever, you can keep the aro label, or change it. or you never do fall in love romantically, and dont need to do anth abt the label.

what im saying is... mm okay label is a misnomer. i once heard someone say that labels are more akin to fridge magnets - you stick them on, and maybe they stay and you like how they look and make you happy. or maybe you stick them on and they look bad and you dont like them so you take them down. or maybe you stick them on and you like them for a while, but it starts feeling wrong eventually, so you take them down. labels - like magnets - arent permanent.

its impossible to really, truly, make a mistake in finding a label that explains your experiences. even if its wrong, there was smth that felt right abt it at that time. its a part of your journey. we, as people, are ever-changing - its literally impossible to know what will happen tomorrow, nevermind in a few years (sorry the isat reference is mostly unintentional).

so how did i know? i stuck the aro magnet on. and i like how it looks for now, maybe forever. maybe ill find the 'right one' or whatever, or maybe i wont. if i do, then whatever, down goes the magnet. if i dont (and i dont think i will, for the record! i dont have any Reasoning, its just... okay ill explain this next paragraph), then up there it stays. youre free to say youre aro for now and then change it if it ever changes. theres nothing stopping you, nonnie

as for yeah, whatever vague wording i can give to my reasoning, its... standard stuff, sorry. ive never understood romance? i think its completely fucking unnecessary and overrated. stupid, even. i straightup Do Not Get It. i forced myself to say i have a crush on a guy in gr4 bcs everyone else was talking abt crushes. decided i was romantically attracted to this girl in dance class bcs i liked her vibes. trying to conform to actually wanting romance when i just dont. dated this girl in gr8, and then when we broke up (i am bad at communication and unfortunately incredibly fucking clingy), i was like... 'huh, i didnt really feel that different about her than i did abt any of my other friends'. i just really really cared abt her and wanted to be close w her, and the only way i knew how to do that was 'romance'. but that wasnt it. found out abt aro ppl (forget how; memory is Trash), and was like 'oh damn, thats... that makes sense'. i definitely had a crisis and Logic but i do not remember that, sorry. all of this is pieced together from old text messages and half-remembered memories hajdjdzkzos

imo the concept of a 'right one' is pretty damn fucking stupid (/nay; at Society). 8 billion ppl on earth. im not going to find this hypothetical right one who can change absolutely everything about me and my identity. ive got the ppl around me that i already love. im happy w that. chasing after some hypothetical infinitesimal chance of a person whos Perfect for oneself is just a damn waste of time

so just... these decisions dont have to be permanent, nonnie. youre allowed to be wrong and realise that you werent actually aroace. youre allowed to be wrong. so if you want my advice? say youre aroace. stick the magnet on, see if it falls off or not. its still a valid and valuable part of your journey. youre allowed to be wrong. youre always allowed to be wrong.

i mean, afterall, how can one be sure that they ARE allo? that they WILL find that 'right one'? through experience. so fuck around, find out. stick that magnet on.

good luck (: i rly rly hope this is helpful and not just me repeating what youve already heard, sry for yapping so much LMAO. i have a lot to say

[shoechoe]

do you have any thoughts on diavolo and donatella's relationship, headcanons or otherwise? hard to say with so little in canon, but it must've been something pretty special if diavolo allowed himself to get close to her (as shortlived as it was...)

I absolutely do. I've talked about Donatella a bit in the past, so I'll link some relevant posts to this one here.

(x) (x)

But I do feel like I have more I can say, which I will put under a cut.

In some sense, I don't consider Donatella fully a character as much as I consider her a vector for the plot to get started. She doesn't have a single speaking line in the manga, she's dead before the story starts, and she's only brought up to elaborate on other characters- namely, Diavolo and Trish. Canonically, she has functionally no agency other than being a former partner to Diavolo and mother to Trish (both relationships we see as close to nothing of as Vento Aureo could possibly manage).

Donatella is, in my opinion, a combination of two common writing tendencies in Jojo: one, its tendency to throw in background female characters to have an unexplored relationship with a male character just so they can have a child, and two, the characterization of Diavolo in particular being full of "throwing in a bunch of things that imply something really interesting about him, but with a complete lack of elaboration that leaves the potential unexplored and intent vague" (as I've said before, that's a thing the series likes to do in general, but I think Diavolo has got it bad).

The most obvious implication with Donatella is the nature of Diavolo's past. As we see him in the series, Diavolo is aggressively paranoid of any and all connection with anybody else, including any knowledge about or contact with him. Him having a girlfriend briefly/one-night-stand(?) in the past suggests that he was once not this way, or maybe not as bad as he is in the present story. The knowledge of Donatella also comes with the knowledge that he used to have an alias he would use for interacting with people before he became the Boss and hid away from society entirely, which adds to this.

However, we already have things to suggest that he displayed odd and paranoid behavior even then; namely, him burying his mother under the floorboards at around the same time. To me, I always thought this suggested blood relations were something that always bothered him, though for what reason back then, I'm not sure. Still, this suggests he was never quite a normal person, making his brief relationship even more of an interesting behavior for him (with the implication that Doppio was the one fronting to the public most of the time, yet Diavolo being the one who had the relationship, making it even more peculiar).

We don't really know how long they dated for and we don't know exactly how Donatella felt about Diavolo after he abandoned her and left her with a child. Similarly, we also don't know how Diavolo felt about her; at most, we know his relationship with her is something that he regrets, and when he goes into tangents about how his past haunts him, he's usually alluding to said relationship with her. We do not know about what Diavolo thinks of Donatella as a person present-day.

Personally, I can't see Diavolo carrying particular sentimental attachment to Donatella in present-day Vento Aureo. By that point, he's too far gone to care about anybody, I think. If anything, he probably ceases to view her as an individual and more as a fragment of his past come back to haunt him. If he does have feelings about her as a person, it is likely contempt and frustration.

I have often seen it portrayed as a plot hole that Diavolo didn't just go ahead and kill her early on to save him the trouble; I actually disagree that this is a plot hole. Killing Donatella, I imagine, would only have caused him more trouble than it's worth. Wouldn't people get weirded out at him ordering for the killing of a seemingly random woman, tempting people to look into it? I imagine the only chance he really could've had to kill her was at the same time he faked his death in his hometown, but we don't know if he could've done that, given she was likely somewhere else in Sardinia at the time and he'd have to rush to flee without people noticing.

It is perhaps a little more character-contradictory that Diavolo was not paranoid about Donatella going to look for him until it was revealed she had his child. To me, I think that Diavolo could've not been concerned about her because he couldn't believe she would particularly remember him for so long after he just dated her for a few weeks; he didn't kill everyone in his hometown, after all, just burnt it down. One of Diavolo's shown traits is that he is utterly unable to understand other people caring for each other, so it makes sense he lacks understanding why Donatella would care about her memory of his younger self.

I have also seen it asked why Donatella did not go looking for Diavolo before she was dying. This is something that's not explained, so I find it a fair plot criticism. Personally, I think the most logical explanation is that she was looking for someone who could take care of Trish after she passed. It sounds like she was left without anybody that could take her daughter if she was gone, and so in desperation, she sent someone to search for Trish's father. This explanation would mean that it's less of a sentimental "I want to see the person I dated so long ago just one more time" thing and more of her last-ditch effort for anybody so Trish wouldn't be left orphaned. (It seems most likely to me that Donatella would have a complicated mix of resentment but also a sense of remaining feeling for Diavolo after he accidentally left her with a child. She doesn't seem to ever speak badly about him, but he did do something terrible to her by abandoning her like that.)

As for how Diavolo and Donatella met and got attached to each other... Honestly, I don't think very much that doesn't go into complete fanfiction-territory. That's something we are given literally nothing about. I like to think that Donatella was something a little special to him, even if she only managed to charm Diavolo for a very short time. It does feed into the tragic nature of Diavolo's character; the idea that he once had the inklings of someone who cared about him and he was/could've been happy with, but his paranoia and greed ultimately overpowered anything else, so any kindling of love was never meant to be.

This is pretty long now so I'll leave it at that haha... but that's how I feel about Donatella, generally. She's probably the background Jojo character I care and think about the most. (And I didn't even get into her relationship with Trish as a mother to her lol...)

[insomniacdrabbles]

You have stars in your eyes [Prologue 2/2]

Prologue - Yuji sees stars

Yuji Itadori had been introduced to a lot of new things as of lately. Not to mention still coming to terms that he was new now. His body no longer just his own. But, of all the things he had to come to terms with, somehow this threw him for a loop.

"You have a sister?" Yuji asked.

Megumi, also looking as dumbstruck as Yuji, asked, "How come I didn't know about this?"

Nobara simply placed her hand on her hip, tilting her head to the side. "I don't see what the big deal is."

Taking a deep breath, Gojo placed a hand in his pocket. A soft smile on his face. Yuji wondered if the eyes behind that blindfold were tearing.

"The truth is I haven't seen her in many years. There's a long story that perhaps I'll tell you some day. But for now let's go and meet her at the station. Come."

With that Gojo turned. Walking at a slow enough pace for them to realize there would be no questions. Yuji shrugged, not bothering to put much thought in to it. Too busy picturing what his teacher's little sister would be like. A vision of female Satoru dancing in his head. Chuckling as he started after Gojo and Nobara.

Looking back to see Megumi just standing there. Staring.

"Fushiguro? You coming?" Yuji asked.

"In all the time I've known him, he's never once mentioned a sister," Megumi said.

"Maybe they're on bad terms or something," Yuji guessed.

"But that doesn't make any sense, and why now?"

"You're overthinking this Fushiguro."

Megumi looked down at his feet. Contemplating. He knew there was something here. Something he couldn't yet see.

"You're right. Come on, we don't want to get left behind," Megumi said. Lightly patting Yuji's shoulder as he went by.

Aging wood made up the station. A small thing on the outskirts of the city. Only a few people lingered on short benches throughout the tiny station. A single train a tiny dot in the distance.

"I never expected to see something so out of date here in the city," Nobara said.

"This station is old. The school keeps it running to act a discreet supply route of things we'd rather not risk getting loose in the city." Gojo explained.

"You mean this station smuggles curses?” Yuji whispered.

"Correct."

The group waited at the edge of the platform. Watching the tiny dot of train grow larger. A loud screeching sound echoing toward them.

Yuji was the first to speak up, "Umm... is it just me or is that train going kind of fast?"

"Right then everyone get back and please take your emergency fetal positions." Gojo joked. Cracking his knuckles as he stretched his arms.

"What?" Yuji asked.

That was all that was said as Megumi dragged him backwards. The train barreling across the tracks. Showing no signs of slowing down. Yuji caught a brief glimpse of Gojo jumping down onto the tracks before Megumi pulled him behind a bench. Nobara already kneeling behind it. The few people in the station beginning to panic as the scream of the train became louder. Coming to a sudden halt as a thunderous crash overtook it.

Dirt kicking up into a dusty cloud that overtook the station. Yuji struggled to get his bearing through the thickness of it. He could hear people screaming around him. Footsteps running in erratic patterns as those witnessing the catastrophe panicked.

Coughing, Yuji stood up. Making his way slowly through the darkness. He was vaguely aware of Megumi saying his name but he kept his gaze forward. Determined to get his eyes on Gojo. Blinking as the dirt cloud began clearing.

The train had been tipped clean over. A deep gash trailing in the earth behind it. People were gathering at the edge of the platform to gape at it. Hands covering mouths as they asked how this could happen.

Suddenly, in a single instant, something erupted from the train. It broke from the windows, shattering glass in its wake. A fleshy, oozing sludge that shot up into the sky. Separating into thick strands heading right for the platform. Right for all the unsuspecting people who couldn't even see what was coming for them.

Yuji's arm outstretched to the nearest person. A woman with tears in her eyes as her head shook at the sight of the wrecked train. His feet moving but getting no where in time. His desperate yell reaching no ears. Fleshy tentacles moments away from separating limbs from bodies.

There was nothing to do. Nothing he could do that is. Maybe if he was faster. Or stronger. Maybe. These people would die. These people would die and it was going to be his fault. There was nothing to do.

It came like a flash. A bright purple fire spread quick as a lightning bolt. Cutting through the curse's wretched hands. Slicing each off and leaving the creature screaming. Shooting towards his outstretched hand. Towards the tentacle he hadn't even noticed going right for him.

The first thing he ever saw of her: her eyes. Despite how quickly she flew past him, they were the clearest thing in the room. All he could see were those eyes. Two deep pools of night, scattered with thousands of stars. They met his own brown eyes and he knew... he knew he was going to get lost in them.

[rainydayathogwarts]

ᴄᴏᴡᴏʀᴋᴇʀ'ꜱ ᴇx ᴘᴛ.3 (ꜰɪɴᴀʟ) - ʀᴏʙɪɴ ʙᴜᴄᴋʟᴇʏ

pt. 1 | pt. 2

I'm sorry this took so long for me to write, I had the weirdest two weeks of my life and exams are coming like now. I hate this but I also love it. wc: 1.3k Summary: I'm not telling you, you need to go read the first two parts!! Warnings: Internalised homophobia, angsty? Idk they get into an argument. Reader gets defensive quickly and is kind of a bitch.

@gracieluvthemoon @darkd3sire

"Hi" She breathed out, looking over your shoulder and into the room ahead, clearly searching for some sort of distraction. "I'm so glad you're here. Oh-come in. Sorry" You rushed, moving out of the doorway to let the rosy cheeked girl in.

Your eyes caught on the car she had come out of in the background, vaguely similar to one you had spent sleepless nights in. A red BMW. Steve's red BMW. Realising you'd been looking at him, Steve awkwardly waved at you and you clenched your jaw, stiffly raising a hand to say 'hi'.

Why on earth was he so close to her? I mean, of course, they were friends even while you were dating. In fact, Robin was the reason you broke up. Not because he caught feelings for her, because you did. But what if he had as well? Or what if he moved on too quickly? Why did they just suddenly get closer once you two called it quits?

And then you were regretting decisions you made all over again. Maybe the looks Robin gave you were purely platonic and you had misinterpreted them to be something more. I mean no one, no one, liked someone of the same sex. No one but freaks and Robin was in no way, shape or form, one of those.

You snapped back to the present just as you heard Robin muttering a quiet "Oh, hi Nancy." You didn't have to turn around to see Nancy's curt nod back to Robin. Cringing internally, you spun on your heels, kicking the door shut and dragging Robin towards the living room, where the party took place. Next to you, Robing held her breath. Everyone in the room was from your inner circle, meaning either she would have a terrible night with people trying to make small talk with her or you really did like her the way she thought you would. "Could I get you a drink?" You ask, already making your way back to the kitchen. Following you like a lost puppy, Robin enters the kitchen, where you kick out some boys trying to steal one too many beers. You open one, taking a sip and offering the bottle to Robin. She crinkles up her nose and takes it from your hand. She brings it close to her face, before taking a drink from it and scrunching her face in disgust. Hearing your giggles, Robin opens her eyes, and quickly gives you the bottle back when you offer to take it. "How about some punch?" You suggest, and Robin eagerly nods. "So," She starts. "Literally everyone here is pretty much a jock. Why am I here?" You raise an eyebrow, trying to mask the blood rushing to your face. "Please, have you seen Nancy? What about her is a jock?" Robin opens her mouth, trying to argue back, but her cheeks flush a dark pink and she closes it again. "I-fair point. But come on Y/N, I'm a band kid! I've shared classes with some of these people, but I bet if you asked one of them who I am, they won't know." You sigh, putting your drink down. "Well, does it matter what they think if I'm the one who invited you? I just wanted people I like here, but if you really hate it, you can go." You clenched your jaw, looking straight into Robin's eyes, trying to keep your face blank from any emotions. She furrowed her eyebrows, shaking her head, and started speaking even as her eyes glossed over with wet tears. "Steve says you do that when you're upset. Your jaw goes tight and you give people that mean stare until you start to cry and they have no idea what they've done wrong."

You scoffed, picking up an empty beer and throwing it in the bin. "Did he? Well I'm sorry you're so obsessed with my ex-boyfriend who asks me out again every single week that you'd come here to talk to me about it! I don't know what's happening with you guys, or what you think is happening, but he doesn't like you that way, I can tell you that! Did you just come here to mock me? To show off that you know him just as well as I do? To rub it in my face that you're the one who's with him everyday and not me? To make sure I know that you're the one listening to his dumb stories and listen to him talking about weird things he's noticed about people that any normal person wouldn't catch on to!? Is that it? Well like you said Robin, you're just a band kid, and that means nothing here!"

You're panting, tears running down your face and you aggressively rub the back of your hand against your nose. It goes scarily silent, the only exception of sound being your panting and the blaring music playing outside this door.

Ten minutes.

Ten minutes was all it took for you to throw out any chance of being in a relationship with Robin, and that was clear from the tears falling onto her rosy cheeks and the way her mouth fell open in shock at what you had said. "God, I-I can't believe it." Robin starts, and you can tell she's going to start ranting with the way she shakes her head faster than your eyes can keep track of. "I can't believe I thought you liked me. Like, not just like me like a friend like me, but like me like you liked Steve like me. But you just- you just like the attention don't you?"

"No, no Robin please."

"This entire time you just figured it out didn't you and you thought it would be amazing to keep not only my hopes high but Steve's, who continued to believe day by day that he still stood a chance with you while you played with my feelings, having me thinking that out of any universe, it would be this one where you liked girls."

You shook your head slowly, bringing up both your hands to rub at your eyes and mess the makeup you had spent a good hour putting on. "You could not be more wrong." You muttered. "You know why I broke up with him?" You asked, wiping the mix of makeup and tears on your trousers, and walking around the kitchen island to stand nearly chest to chest with Robin.

"I broke up with him because every time I walked into Scoops, I became more excited to see you than I was to see him. Because every time he took me into his arms and gave me the most amazing kiss I could ever dream of, I was hoping it would be someone else who did that. But clearly we don't feel the same way so feel free to leave."

You gestured to the door, but one of Robin's hands came up to cup your cheek and pull you into a soft kiss. Reluctantly, one of your hands came to rest on her hip as you returned the kiss, and you hooked a finger around her belt hoop, bringing her body closer to yours. You pulled away panting, Robin's eyes as wide as saucers. "Holy shit."

"I-uh, I'm sorry. For-" "No, no it's fine. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that about liking attention and stuff. How about I make it up to you with uh- ice cream?" She asked.

You cringed. "Uh, as long as Steve isn't there. I think ice cream dates are forever ruined for me now."

[booniesoil]

Deer in Rusty Lake might mean something else

A lot of people theorize that the imagery of deers in Rusty lake represents hatred / violence towards family, which is something I totally see with Nicholas Eilander and Albert Vanderboom, but I don't know why that would be applicable to Dale Vandermeer. He is perfect!! Actually, I theorize / believe that people with deer representations in Rusty Lake could mean something a bit opposite. First of all, I think the true reason the use of deer is so common and inconsistent is generally because it matches the style or Rusty Lake, so they reuse deer carelessly (sorry Rusty Lake, I LOVE YOUR ARTSTYLE I DO), but,:

I think a more accurate telling of deer for characters in the series would be reaching enlightenment. Between the three characters, they may be taking steps, and may be some of the only characters taking steps towards enlightenment in different ways. (I haven't played all the games in the series recently, so a lot of my information may be out of date or flawed, and it is not fully defined what enlightenment is, or how to reach it outside of possibly drinking the elixir, so I am making inferences). I don't fully know what the purpose of sacrificing Jakob is, but Nicholas had taken interest in using Caroline's memories for whatever reason he needs them for. Intentional or not, helping the lake or not, Nicholas may have been taking steps towards enlightenment.

Dale, to me it seems like the plans Aldous and Mr Owl are attempting to him is to get him enlightened (without his knowledge). He's already a corrupted soul, but as far as I know Mr Crow is attempting to change his negative memories into positive ones, changing memories gut keeping the past, it's all vague but he ends up with the golden cube, which might be a step to enlightenment. Ambiguous stuff I hope it all makes sense.

But most exciting, to me, is Albert. Albert may be unintentionally in the process of becoming enlightened. Seeing as Mr Crow is trying to turn Dale's negative memories into positive ones, seemingly to enlighten him?, Albert is ACTIVELY and unintentionally taking steps to enlightenment by personally changing his past, negative memories of his family into positive ones by. Murdering them all. Nice man! 

Ms Pigeon is the closest character I could think of that may be applicable to whatever I've layed out here, since she does take interest in extracting memories before she dies. I don't fully know the rules here, but maybe she's too side of a character to have an association with deer, or perhaps have not started her experiment, already has a harsh enough connotation with pigeons (although Albert has MANY connotations with many different things, Mr Pigeon can definitely have multiple, too) to provide a second animal connotation, or she may have already reached enlightenment.

William is a character that seems like he's massively failing at becoming enlightened! For being the one with the most work done, he got killed by drinking the elixir, took all the steps to reviving himself, and got reincarnated as Laura, who seems like she got, once again, doomed to a fate opposite to enlightenment. Laura has a ton of bad memories, as does Dale, but her bad memories are utilizing a lot by the lake crew, and ultimately she is not getting steps done to getting closer to enlightenment. She pretty much is held hostage at this lake by her brother to extract bad memories after bad memories to help enlighten Dale. If I am READING THIS CORRECT. 

I think I good way to see if this fits is to crosscheck if random deer in the games could also indicate this, but I haven't done that yet, I'm just keeping in mind Albert, Nicholas, Dale, and William.

I hope that all makes sense! I hope someone use understands this and gets EXCITED by it because I think it's a far more exciting theory with a bunch of potential than the previous one!

Edit: ADDING ON TO THIS. Playing through Paradox for the first time in years, Laura outright said that one of them will die and the other will reach enlightenment, and I absolutely do not see that being Laura. You have no hope I am sorry Laura.

[sofiiel]

Dial Tone Ch.6 | Untitled

Chapter Theme | Previous | Masterlist | Next

"Harvey?" You called entering Thatcher's, "Oh hey, you found her." He called to Mick and Axel. "Just in time, too." Mick hummed.

Walking up to Harvey, you looked up at him with an urgent gaze, "I need to borrow one of the clunkers." You said quickly. Harvey arched a brow, "this about Eddie?" He asked. You shrugged your shoulders and smiled faintly, stating, "is it ever about anyone else?"

Harvey tilts his head to a small rusty sedan, "take that one, owner skipped town on me. It runs, just... you know, don't need it to go fast." he said.

"We just need transportation." said Axel.

"What's happened?" Harvey asked you in a whisper, so that his other workers could not snoop. "Jason Carver is on a mission. He nearly crushed Gareth's hand." You told him.

"Kid has his mother's temper." Harvey sighed, "dated her a year, pretty girl, crazy as a loon when she was pissed." He said. "Yeah, madness runs in my family too, if he keeps pushing, Jason will find out just how much." You murmured.

The sedan started up behind you, "eh, it's not bad for a rust bucket." Axel said from his place behind the wheel. "You ok with getting in a car with these people?" Harvey whispered to you. Glancing over your shoulder, you watch as Mick took the back seat.

"I don't have any other choice, they can hold their own, and I need all the help I can get." You tell Harvey. He gave a nod as one of his employee's called out for him for the fourth time. "I'm coming, keep your drawers on!" He shouted back.

Exhaling, you turn and head for the sedan. "You got any idea where to start looking?" Mick asked you. "I feel like I've looked everywhere as it is. But that's just been where I expect him to be." You explain.

"Well that's stupid. Nobody hides where you expect them too." said Axel.

"I was hoping he'd be waiting for me somewhere he'd know I'd find him." You confess, "thinking back, yeah it was a bit stupid." you said, getting into the passenger seat.

"Did you get any leads on Jane?" You asked, trying to fill the silence as Axel steered the sedan up the quiet streets. "Not yet," he said. "Funnily enough, We can't find this Dustin Henderson anywhere."

"Y-you can't?" you stammer, "I just talked to him yesterday?" Squinting, you search your thoughts, "or...was that the day before yesterday?" You whisper. "The brat's losing it already, you can't remember?" Axel asked.

"Forgive me if my mind is a little scrambled." You snapped. "He always like this?" You turn to ask Mick. "It's kind of his default most days. It's cool, it means he likes you." Mick laughed.

"The hell it does. I'm nice when I like you." Axel grumbled.

"Mmmhm, like running away bullies?" Mick asked him.

"Shut up." Axel shot. "Where are we headed?" He asked.

"I guess... maybe we can check the Star Court ruins?" You suggest. "They've been slow with demolition. It's not the safest place to hide for your own health but, no one would look there, that's for sure." You explain.

"You're going in alone, I'm not going to be flattened for this guy." Axel warned. "I'm used to doing things on my own at this point." You said. "We're going in, Axe." Mick said. "Says you." He said.

You frown, "I hope the Mini is ok. Hopefully he didn't get snatched up too, following Eddie's tracks." You find yourself thinking. The anxiety that had waned with Mick and Axel's banter, started to boil once more.

"These two don't know the town well, maybe they just didn't look around well enough." You tell yourself. You side glance, "Then again, maybe Dustin is simply avoiding Jason, maybe Lucas warned him." Yourmind wouldn't stop going.

At the Star Court ruins, you look up at the half demolished building, they'd taken down the most unsound section that the fire engulfed. You'd heard the stories, they were vague, as most tragedies in Hawkins seemed to be. You knew the city lost it's police chief and lifted his name like a hero.

"In this town, the only way you become worth their time is if you die." You murmured as you stepped inside with cautious feet. "Will Byers, Benny, Barb, Heather, Billy, that shit ton of people who died in this fire." You think, peering around.

The building gave off deep muted groans and the sound of shifting rubble was unsettling. "Eddie?" you called out to him, "if he even heard that." you sighed, but shouting wasn't the best idea. "You'll bring the whole place down."

A car that was once a real showstopper lay tossed and crumbled on it's side. You could remember gawking at it the few times you and Eddie visited the mall to wreak havoc upon the mall betties. "Was that because of the fire or the demolition?" You asked.

"Do you always talk to yourself?" Mick asked you.

You'd completely forgotten she was there. "Only when I'm stressed, and then, much more than anyone should." You sighed.

"Eddie? " You called out again.

"Eddie? It's me, it's Y/n! If you're in here, you can come out. It's safe," as you spoke dust sprinkled from the second level and onto your shoes, "well, safe-ish."

"I don't think he's in here. Nobody would want to linger in this dump. I don't know him, but I'd expect he'd be running for a chance not to have to hide here." Mick reasoned.

"Eddie doesn't always think clearly when he's scared." You said in a sigh, "Once, we thought a robber broke into my dad's house one Halloween. He'd asked to have a horror movie marathon, and well. He thought the robber was hiding from us." You chuckled quietly, "Eddie stuck the pizzas in the oven and burned them, whole place filled with smoke, "smoke him out!" he said, great idea that was. Smoked us out too, I got in so much trouble. The smell of burned pizza was stuck in everything permanently." You said.

Mick shook her head, "and, was there a robber?" She asked. "Yep," you said words soft and fond, "A mouse."

"Dude really is a dumbass, isn't he?" Axel's voice chimed.

Both you and Mick turn to look over your shoulders, but only you were glaring. "I thought you said you weren't coming in?" she asked him. "Shut up, dorsal head." You snapped.

"I got bored, and that sedan smells like seven months of spilled booze and french fry grease." Axel complained. "Maybe that's just you?" You asked, "because I didn't smell any of that in that car, it smells like rust and leaked oil."

More of the rubble shifted and a baseball size chunk of glass crashed from the ceiling, landing between the three of you.

"Time to leave?" Mick asked.

"Yep, sounds good, he's not here." You say quickly.

"Where to now?" Axel asked, "Let try and find Dustin. Make sure he's ok." You said. Though you didn't know that would be a task easier said than done.

You'd been all over town, "come on Henderson, you are not this sneaky." You breathe, the sun was setting quickly, Mick and Axel were clearly running out of motivation.

"My feet are killing me." Axel complained as he trailed behind you and Mick in the woods. "Why'd the kid be out here anyway?" He asked.

"Looking for Eddie, probably. This chunk of woods we haven't checked yet, and -"

"I see a light." Mick said.

You fall silent and followed Micks finger as she pointed through the ever darkening trees. A flashlight blazed in the distance. "Do you think it's either of them?" Axel asked. "Could be, though, I don't think Eddie would be shinning a light about." You murmured.

"You're the one who said he gets a little ditsy when he's scared." Axel reminded you. "Not that bad," You sighed, "The guy smoked out your house over a mouse." Axel said flatly. "Because he thought it was a robber. He was concerned for our safety - shut up, I'm the only one who can make fun of him." You grumbled.

"And the guys, and Wayne, the only ones" you repeated.

"So odds that it's this Dustin?" Mick asked, ignoring the mildly bickering pair. "There's an even enough chance." You replied.

The three of you press on through the trees to find a small cabin. "This old thing looks like it's been abandoned for years." Mick muttered. "Sounds like a good enough place to hide, maybe you actually stumbled upon something useful, Brat." Axel said to you.

"How long are you going to keep calling me that to my face?" You sighed.

Motion could be heard behind the cabin, "Where's Lucas?" Patrick's voice questioned. You froze in place, whispering "shit."

"What is it?" Mick questions quietly.

"Sherlock is probably looking for more clues." Andy snickered.

"Can you two focus? Find the freak." Jason ordered.

"ooooh, the pretty little douchebag." Axel sang. "This little parasite is everywhere, isn't he?" Axel asked. "He has a reason, devil's advocate, but... I'd be on a rampage too if I was in his shoes. Not like this, though." you whisper.

"We should get out of here, neither Eddie or Dustin would be out here if they heard Carver and his goons." You said.

"I need to get back home anyway. Check on Wayne, and see if maybe one of them tried to reach me." you sigh.

"So you are in contact with him?" Jason asked. Your body cringed at the sound of his voice as he and his team walked around to the front of the cabin. Mick and Axel were quick to get defensive.

"We going to have a problem?" Mick asked evenly. Jason sized her up and scoffed. "That depends," He said. "Really, the tough act won't work here." Axel said. A smooth smile slipped across Jason's face as he rose his hands into the air, "maybe we can help each other." he said, steadily inching closer.

"Look," Jason pressed his fingers against his chest, "I'm just using tough love to loosen some tongues." He said. "You hurt Gareth," You shot. "I got a little...overzealous. You understand right? Look, we really just want to talk to the freak. Ask him some questions." Jason said.

"Yeah, like why the hell he was with Jason's girl in the first place." Andy muttered. Jason's jaw clenched.

"Easy. Chrissy asked me to set up a deal between her and Eddie after breaking down in the bathroom. So I said yes because she looked like she needed it. That's why." you answered.

"Eddie's a dealer, but honestly he cares about his customers."

"Chrissy isn't a druggie." Jason strained through clenched teeth. You tilt your head, "you don't have to be one to try it. Word of mouth makes things sound real good. Stress, self-doubt, pressure, expectations, burdens, they mess you up. Nobody is immune to the need to have a moment where you don't feel any of it." You said.

"That's why I'm here for her. That's my job, Chrissy would have come to me!" Jason shouted, his voice echoing through the trees.

Your breath gets caught, and for a moment, your heart aches for him. "I've been telling myself the same thing. We don't get to know why they don't come to us. We only get to accept and deal with the fact it didn't happen. You fuck up, and you don't always get to fix it. But what you don't do, is become something they'd hate." You said, glancing at Mick and Axel.

"Chrissy trusted Eddie. Obviously right? I mean, unless you think she's stupid enough to get into the car with a guy who she's afraid of?"

"Maybe he made her, forced her to go with him." Jason said.

"Are we talking about the same metalhead? Eddie's loud, he likes to shock people sporadically. But regardless of what he'd admit to, he's the nerd in the background just trying to be seen. And Chrissy is queen of Hawkins high, you got to have spine for that role." You were struggling to stay civil with your tone as you spoke.

Axel gave a bored sigh, "Can I just knock him out, put him to sleep. We need to report back to Kali." he said. "It's not off the table." You muttered.

"You know what I think?" Jason asked, closing in on you. You tried to hold his gaze as he stood nearly nose to nose with you.

"I think you're hiding him. I think you're playing the whole town with the devastated girlfriend/boyfriend routine. I think you, and all the other freaks, know exactly where Eddie is. I think you're trailing us, to throw us off," Jason's voice turned into a low growl, "and I think you're all in on what happened to Chrissy, with that sick cult. I think you never left it, I think you're lying." He whispered.

"I think you've lost your mind" You speak calmly.

Jason flashed a scornful smile, "I hope when the police find him, that they dust off the chair and fry him. I hope you get to watch, so you know this feels." Jason whispered, seethed through cracked words.

Dragging the mucus up your throat, you spat a glob out at Jason's face. "Screw you Carver, you hateful son of a bitch!" You shout, lunging forward. Axel was quick to take your arm. "No, not worth it." He said quickly as Jason backed away with a chuckle.

"See?" Jason called back to his team.

"She/he had murder in her/his eyes! It doesn't take much. Loyal dog to the Leader!" Jason called out.

"You're insane, Carver, go get help!" You shout, allowing Axel to pull you away. "Come on, let's go, any more run-ins like this, and you'll be in hiding too." Mick said.

Sitting alone in your room, you hold your phone in your lap. There weren't any messages, and you'd been staring at it for the past hour, trying to will it to ring. "I should try calling, I don't know how he'd pull it off, but home would be the last place anyone expected him to be." You try to justify the aching need to call.

"Or I could leave a message, just in case if he isn't there, one day he might return. Remind him he can come to me." You pick up the receiver and hold it to your ear as you dial.

"Or maybe you just want to hear his voice anyway you can." your mind whispered.

"Yeah, I'm not here, you know what to do."

*BEEP*

You exhaled, your hopes weren't too high. But the lazily spoken voicemail prompt hit your ears like a salve against your soul. "Eddie? If you get this, I'm looking for you, I am on your side, and I'm here, always. I know we weren't talking, but. I just need to know you're ok. It's the end of day two and my nerves are shot. We might not be a thing anymore, but you still matter to me, you little-" you sigh "just...let me know, a sign or, or something. Bye, I guess..." You murmured, hanging up.

Looking to the doorway of your room, you find Wayne leaning against it, in his hands two trays of TV Dinners. "Chicken fried steak and the twilight zone?" He asked.

You look up at Wayne timidly, "Isn't that you and Eddie's thing?" You asked. "Yeah, but you're family, you can be his substitute for now." Wayne offered. You managed a smile, "sounds good." you said.

Wayne manage to coax a few laughs out of you while watching the twilight zone, sing "how dry I am" with the character in the storyline.

But when the time for sleep came around, the silence left you sick. The person you'd call to feel better was the cause and unreachable. "It's karma at it worst." You thought, biting your lip. The cord to your phone was stretched to sit on your bedside table.

You lay there watching it, reaching out, you pick it up and dial, one.

"Yeah, I'm not here, you know what to do."

You sigh at the sound of his voice, the tears well again. At the beep, you dial again, each time your finger hits the speed dial faster. You draw your teeth from your lip, breath shaking as the water rolling down the side of your cheeks.

Rolling over onto your back your eyes camp shut, the fear bubbles over, and it shakes your body, you stuff your wrist in your mouth to silence your sobs, muffled cries taken in by the recorder of the phone. At the 6th beep, it dawns on you, and you quickly hang up. Pawing the tears away from your face.

You hold your stomach as it feel sick and try to calm yourself once more.

"She/he did what?" Robin asked with an amused smile, "Yeah, Y/n's a bit..." Dustin lulled, "Protective." Lucas said. "They're like that with each other, Eddie wouldn't hurt a fly but-"

"Beg to differ," Steve muttered, "not gonna let that go huh?" Max asked. "Could have been my neck." Steve said.

"That and I've seen him swat a fly in gym class." Steve added.

"You know what I mean!" Dustin shouted in frustration, "But he kicked Theo Garcia in the nuts first semester, Theo was high and was flirting a little too aggressively." Dustin said.

"Oh, I remember people talking that! He like felt up their butt or something. I heard it was bad for Theo." Robin said.

"Yeah, his sister said he was walking funny for three days, Didn't know that was Y/n and Eddie." Steve said as he lowered his lamp.

"Jason and the team are going berserk. It's pretty bad." Lucas said.

"Y/n's on a mission herself, things could get hairy if they clash again." Dustin said. "We've heard stories, Eddie brags about each one. But, sometimes I don't think he sees it, Y/n's...."

"a little mental? Yeah, you should have heard Her/His mouth towards Nance when Barb went missing. Blamed her bad, Nancy was in tears for days." Steve muttered.

"Eventually she/he said sorry but, was a little wild." Steve said. "Nancy said Barb told her Y/n suffers from messed up shit her/his parents did or...suffered from or something." Steve said.

"Eh, Eddie called it abandonment issues." Dustin shrugged. "Either way, we need to fix things because the whole town goes crazy, and It gets to Max."

"Before what gets to Max?" Lucas asked cautiously.

Morning turned quickly, you don't remember when you got dressed or putting on your clothes, but you did it. With a vague memory of the breakfast Wayne left you in the microwave, you don't remember tasting it or smelling it.

You exit the library with two packs of printing paper worth of flyers Wayne helped you make. Tucking the heavy stack into a messenger bag, you exit the library with one in your hands.

"It's a good picture." You think to yourself as you absently head for your bike.

"Hey, long time, what are you doing?" A voice called you'd not heard since freshman year. Turning around from the bulletin board in the park, your eyes fall on an odd pair relaxing in the shade of a tree.

"Oh," You exhaled, eyeing the boy with short hair dyed a dirty vivid blonde, and a face full of makeup. "Huh, good use of blush, Pj." You murmur. Pj and Samantha glanced at each other and then back to you.

"What's that?" Asked Samantha, pointing to the flyer you'd stuck to the bulletin. "Ah, you know..." You murmured, "It's all over the news that Cunningham was killed at Eddie's house." said Pj. "Nobodies said anything about him, though." said Samantha.

Your breath comes out shakier than you'd hope for as you mumbled, "Because no one can find him." as you pass the pair a flyer. "It's been three days. No one's heard from him. No one's seen him. He hasn't even called Wayne." You explained.

"He didn't call is uncle?" Pj questioned with hints of worry.

You shake your head. "Well, that's stupid, someone could have him somewhere, or he could be-" Samantha swallowed her words as she watched your eyes become distraught.

"Sorry," Samantha whispered.

"Here, give us a few, we'll help you post 'em." Pj offered, holding out his hand. You glance between them, "Look, I know things soured after..." Pj sighed giving his head a shake, "Nevermind, but we're still your friends, I'm still your friend and I wouldn't be who I am if I didn't have Freak the first to tear down some walls so...give me some flyers." Pj said.

With a small smile and battling the urge to cry again, you pass Pj a stack of flyers. "strangelings need to stick together, right?" Samantha asked, taking half of the stack from Pj.

"Thank you." You said, "both of you."

"Yeah," said Samantha. With a bow of your head, you adjust your bag on your shoulder and hop back onto your bike. "You know we'll be here, right? If you every just....need somebody?" Pj asked.

"Thanks, but I'm sure I need the clarity." You call to him. Pj frowned, "I wasn't talking about the stuff, Y/n." He muttered. "Yeah, Pj's a year clean now." Samantha said with pride. You manage a small smile, "I'm sorry, that's great. Well done." You said.

Pj smirked, "yeah, so, you can call us." He offered again. You manage a nod and ride away.

Eddie chuckled to himself as he exited the bathroom of Reefer Rick's home, "You might be loosing it, when a whiff of soap gives you a feel good boost." He muttered to himself. "Y/n and you're Yardley must have." He thought, shaking his head.

"But it smells like her/him, so it smells like," Eddie's thoughts exhaled into a sigh, "safety." he muttered. Eddie glanced around, "what did I do with the knockoff of wannabe Michigan J Frog." He muttered.

"You should just have Dustin send her/him a note or something." Eddie thought to himself, "or you could send her/him a note," his mind went on. "Buuut that's probably a bad idea. No matter what you tell Y/n they'll still rush into bullshit nose first." Eddie thought.

Eddie flopped down on the small sofa in the messy living room, leaning his head back to watch the ceiling. "I just want to hear your voice, make that silly little laugh come out, and I'm good for days." Eddie muttered.

To remove his thoughts from the surrounding chaos, his mind had taken on the hobby of replying the break-up, and every time Eddie went over things in his head, he found the whole thing ridiculous. "We're both kind of stupid, aren't we?" He asked, cracking a derisive smile.

Eddie looked down towards the windows, where the blinds and curtains were pulled shut. "When all this is over with, we can fix this." a tiny smirk lingered briefly on his lips, "after all, if you're crying your pretty eyes out for me, you never wanted an end to us anyway." He whispered.

Eddie groaned, "too bad it only took us months to defeat Vecna the first time. Let's hope for many crit rolls this time around."

Previous | Masterlist | Next

[piningpercussionist]

How have you been?

-✨ Anon (Sparkles Anon)

Oh. Hey, long time no see. At least it feels like a while, anyway. I suppose I'm doing...

Kim stops to reflect for a moment, basking in the emptiness of the room. Ever since she woke up she'd been feeling... off. Not outright miserable, like she might have expected; just a weird mixture of what she was fairly certain was shame, anxiety, a staggering amount of affection she was struggling to grasp, as well as the usual sprinkle of guilt.

She wasn't going to be broadcasting all of that, of course, but... She starts in again, frowning a little.

Well, I've done better, but I've definitely done worse. Some intensely mixed feelings, really. Struggling to accept and understand some things, I guess. I'd probably be doing better if I was actually trying to do that? But I'm just kind of... I dunno. Trying to enjoy myself, in spite of myself, if that makes any sense. I can get around to the scary stuff later.

Like when it takes me by surprise and I'm forced to. Joking, sort of. We'll see. How are you doing? I keep hearing about you and your dating life, so it must be pretty riveting to be reaching me of all people. Hope it's going well?

With that, Kim shuts her eyes and blindly hits send, only checking that it's sent privately- she's decided not to censor herself, just this once. It's fairly vague to begin with anyhow; a harmless little thing.

It still leaves her weary, heart pounding irregularly in her chest. Restless, she finally pushes herself upright in Ramona's bed, swinging her legs off the side so she can put her head in her hands and stare blankly at the wall. What is with me, lately? Why am I even doing stuff like this? Am I this desperate to talk to people? There's a long, sort of confused pause in her head- white noise frizzing about as she lets out a low groan. Then why the hell does it make me feel like this when I do?

A little dizzied already, Kim sighs and flops back down, eyes shut tight as she faces the ceiling in a sprawl. After another pause, she has a passing thought- I should be medicated.

I'm going to self medicate when I'm finally home. And then I'm going to play the drums for seven straight hours or until Joseph and Hollie manage to get my sticks from me. Or until my kit is a smoking pile of cinders. Fuck, maybe even take another nap somewhere in between, who even cares..

[whoslaurapalmer]

i want to know about your fic! is that cheating? is it meant to be a surprise?

technically!!!!! it is in fact a surprise!!!! because it is secretly for a person!! I will give the following incredibly vague details --

1) i hope to get it done within the. oh I wanted to have it done by the 20th I think but it will uhhhh probably take. longer. by god, it's already the 11th. I regularly and vastly underestimate time. but I hope not much longer than that!!!! hopefully a week after at the latest??????

2) objectively it has the funniest shenanigans. but also like......I am trying to keep them in character. but also not. experience the EXTREME second hand embarrassment that can come with these shenanigans, bc second hand embarrassment physically hurts me

3) a long long time ago (2008.) the mcr website had a blog section that gerard used REGULARLY, and once posted about calling second hand embarrassment The Motts (and since it's gerard, it does and does not make sense in context.) and ever since then whenever I experience second hand embarrassment I think 'oh no gerard way I am feeling the motts' so my notes very frequently say DO YOUR BEST TO AVOID THE MOTTS.

4) lemony is there!!!!!!! beatrice and bertrand are mentioned in passing. ......other characters show up.

5) the fic spans a great deal of time. like.........a GREAT deal of time. damn.

6) I have never written this trope before but I have read a great deal of it in my time, it was very popular in the les mis fandom? which I have read TOO MUCH fic for. I always wanted to write fic for it and still have lots of wip documents, but I think my les mis fic potential days have passed me by. I still love the amis a great deal, though. anyway it's also not quite that trope, and that's very thrilling. that's where a great deal of the amusement comes in. If I can navigate it right. oh but it's also a very old trope, actually!!

6a) I mean, you see tropes in fic sometimes and think of them as very fic specific, and I think some things very much are, but also, people have been telling the same sorts of stories for an age, and i was actually able to tell my mom about the plot and have her understand it bc she's seen movies with the plot. which is very bizarre, usually this does not happen.

6b) although I do wonder now, isn't this trope like the worst way to get enjolras and grantaire together. well, I guess it depends on how you're writing them, honestly. I think the most well-known fic with this trope did it well, now that I think about it

7) I think. I am going to split it into two chapters. and........see the first half took about a weekish of planning to get the Reasons things were happening to make sense. so if push comes to shove and I only finish the first half by whatever date it was, I will post that, and then, do the second half. which is less structured but still needs. you know. things to stand on. just less things.

8) it tentatively had a title but then I thought, it would be better as a chapter title maybe, so then I figured out the other chapter title, and now I am. Missing an overall title.........

9) the titles, though, are from the songs the maze and I know how to speak by manchester orchestra.

10) potentially, a candlelit dinner may take place. there will be bread.

11) one of my notes just says 'it's the most unsexy [REDACTED] of all time'

12) someone's gonna get kissed eventually though despite my subpar skills at writing physical romance contact!!!!!!

13) I worry about it a lot, though. Just, making the fic, make sense right in general. I know what I'm aiming for but there's still a lot of uncertainty in getting there, sometimes. and it happens all the time, in everything I write!!!! every writer goes through that, in every piece. never stops being very nerve-wracking, though. And I don't think I've ever really written something like it before. so!!!!!!!! we'll see. I'm rooting for it.

[moe-broey]

HIGHLIGHTS.

> Someone w a bandana covering their entire face/head w punk pants VERY QUICKLY dashed down the sidewalk shouting "NO COPS AT PRIDE" and such and like everyone around them INCLUDING myself joined in like "YEAH FUCK COPS" "FIRST PRIDE WAS A RIOT" "GET THEIR ASS" <- from me specifically and there. Was a VERY pretty tgirl in a white dress and battle vest we kind of shared glances seconds before this and GOD I WISH. I WISH remembered exactly what she said but something about how a cop something something is still a pig and she had a big communism flag draped around her shoulders and for a second I think I fell in love. Maybe besides the point though it was just ALL so reassuring actually and epic and cool waiting in line for french fries

> THWRE WERE ACTUALLY??? SO MANY PUNK PEOPLE ACTUALLY?????? I'm not sure if it was just more on my radar now bc well. You know *vaguely gestering at all of me* but it was so fucking cool. Like holy shit there ARE punks in [redacted]

> Very glam moment where me and my sister tried desperately to figure out how we're going to eat our french fries when it's raining and we're carrying umbrellas and we just. Were squatted and hunched over on the (wet) grass using One umbrella as a table sort of while I tried to balance the other umbrella when I'm already struggling to stay steady anyway and I'm carrying a purse (did not help w balancing the umbrella). To eat our fries with ketchup. So primal

> Only One (1) cop at pride! Still too many but it is much better than last year I don't know what the fuck was up last year. That pride was so cursed and evil

> I got! A lot of compliments!! On my jacket :)

> I. HAD AN ENCOUNTER. WITH AN OLD FRIEND AND IT WAS SO WILD like we haven't been in touch in years I met them in middle school we had an EXTREMELY funny Thing that lasted for like One Day bc we were the only "girls" we knew who were having sexuality troubles and questions and we held hands Once and boldly told everyone we were dating and then like. We both backed out quickly HAHAHA but it was enough to brand us as Lesbians (derogatory middle schooler voice of our peers) and we've had fated encounters at pride events ever since, somehow. Even after I moved. Stars aligned for us to always be two ships passing in the night whenever there's a pride event HAHAHAHA (IT WAS SO NICE TO SEE THEM THOUGH it WAS like seeing a ghost I'm honestly so shocked we recognized each other immediately. It was so good 🥲)

> oughh... I just felt. Emotional. Like. I did feel this sort of air of tenseness, almost somberness, but it was so subtle. More strongly there was just so much fighting spirit, I think. We're here, we're queer, we're not going anywhere. I also just felt joy in the air, too. It was so nice.

> OH MY GOSH HOW COULD I FORGET....... just little interactions from the people who were marching as my sister and I were right up close but just watching the parade. Like, there was a roller derby float and I was like "YOOO Roller Derby...." and one of the people (IN SKATES!) was like, "Yeah tryouts are next week!!!" AND. AND. MY FAVE INTERACTION MAYBE was a lil old lady actively knitting as she marched and she said to me "You should learn how to knit :)" and just kept walking. While knitting. And you know what she is SO right I've wanted to learn how to knit for years.......

> I did have to leave p much as soon as the parade was done bc of overstimulation but, as we were on our way out. I was talking to my sister and I was like "Yeah good pride! Only thing though that's kind of a bummer is that there were no kinksters.... it's sad and concerning where ARE they" AND. LITERALLY. Dude in front of us turns around Wearing A Pup Mask and was like "YEAH RIGHT?!?!?" HAHAHAHA we had a very enthusiastic conversation it was SO funny and also. Just really heartwarming actually? Like yeah. We're all still here. Even if it's just a few. Or even just one. Still here.

Anyways peace amd love on planet earth there is strength in community and you're not alone. Even if you feel like a feral kitten that needs to be socialized or perhaps a hermit that lives in a secluded tower, you're not alone and there are people like you. Closer than you think 🫡

[alfvaen]

Novel Chaos

October is a month, all about fall, and Halloween, and (in Canada) Thanksgiving. In some years I've done Janelle Shane's Botober daily AI-generated writing prompts, though the shine is off of AI right now… (This year she recycled some older AI-generated text for the prompts and I don't blame her.) This year I didn't try to do daily writing, though I have been trying to do weekly writing at least, and post some of my writing exercises.

But right now I'm here to talk about the books I read during the month. (I started these monthly posts last November, so now I've been doing them for a full year!) Potential spoilers within for Jessie Mihalik's "Consortium Rebellion" series, Diana Rowland's "White Trash Zombie" series, and Jane Lindskold's "Firekeeper" series.

Jessie Mihalik: Chaos Reigning, completed October 3

I grabbed this one on impulse, and didn't think too much about it. After all, it's SF and not fantasy (even gaslamp fantasy) like the last book, and it would close off another trilogy. I've been kind of linking these books with the Rachel Bach trilogy in my head and trying not to read those too close together. In hindsight, as I was writing up the C.L. Polk book I read before it, one thing that these series do have in common is the romance elements. But thinking of it more, that's not enough to make them overly similar.

I'm not a huge romance reader. I have dutifully tried a few, but I have never felt particularly comfortable with the genre. I'm not saying that it's a bad genre, that romance books are bad and nobody should read them, or any of the wilder anti-romance viewpoints I've heard out there, but nonetheless the inclusion of romance tropes can detract from my enjoyment of a book. And maybe it's just the female-hetero-POV ones, appreciation of the male form and stuff, that gets me, maybe it's a lot of cultural conditioning on me, maybe it's a character flaw in me. But I don't care for it that much. I'm reading this anyway, though, aren't I? (Even if it's "in spite of" rather than "because of".)

Anyway, the series is about three sisters from one of these high-tech corporate Houses. This book focuses on Catalina a.k.a. "Cat", the youngest of the family, prone to being underestimated and acting all superficial, but as a child she was given secret (and illegal) genetic modifications to make her fast and strong. Her house, Van Hasenberg, is at war with a rival house, and Cat ends up going to a high-class multi-day party to try to get some more information. Her sister Bianca (from Book 2) insists she bring along a couple of bodyguards, and that she fake-date one of them so he'll have better access. Cat drags her feet but reluctantly agrees. (So it's not only a fake-dating romance and a bodyguard romance, but both at once!) Said bodyguard, Alex, also appeared in Book Two, though I only vaguely remember him.

During the party, assassins show up and try to kill Cat and several other nobles (including her friend Ying), as part of what turns out to be a coordinated attack on all the noble houses, and Cat is forced to go on the run and try to save the day, with Alex (and Ying's) help. In the process she finds love (though the full physical consummation gets interrupted several times before they finally manage it) and herself.

The romance feels a little…I dunno, smooth? I never get the sense that there's that many obstacles in their path, apart from perhaps Cat's own self-doubts and paranoia about her illegal mods being found out. And getting over her annoyance at Bianca foisting Alex and his partner on her in the first place. They didn't feel like serious problems. But it's okay, because I liked the SF plot well enough, so I enjoyed the book overall, and maybe I'll try the other trilogy we have of hers at some point.

Stephen King: Different Seasons, completed October 9

Now I realize that I have already read a Stephen King book this year, Under The Dome back in April. And it was technically two books, in paperback, at least. But you know, the guy doesn't stick to only publishing one book a year, so I'm not going to feel too bad about this. I wanted a book by a male author, and it's October so it's spooky season, and what with one thing and another, in my current schedule it'd be like seven more books before I could get an untyped male author slot to stick this into, and October will almost certainly be over by then.

It may seem surprising that I haven't read this one already. Well, as I may have mentioned before, I didn't really start reading King seriously until the 90s, by which point he already had a few books out, and I confess that I was mostly concentrating on novels. I did like Four Past Midnight, though, and I have been meaning to get to this one. I think we didn't even have a copy for a while, which may have held me back. And I ended up reading Skeleton Crew and Night Shift first. But now, here it is.

I'd consider this to really be the last book in my Stephen King backfilling. After this, I will have read everything up to, like, well, Lisey's Story. (Assuming you don't count Thinner. Or Black House. Shut up.) I've been trying to alternate backfilling with forward progress, but after this it will be full steam ahead! Ish.

I am already somewhat familiar with most of this book anyway. After all, three of the novellas were made into movies, right? Definitely "Shawshank Redemption", and "The Body" became "Stand By Me", and I think that I remember seeing ads for a movie called "Apt Pupil" which I'm assuming is the same. Only the fourth one, whose name I can't even recall offhand, I know nothing about. I haven't actually seen any of the movies, but quite frankly I'm pretty sure I remember the twist in "Shawshank Redemption", or least the movie, from some Cracked article years ago. I actually knew very little about the plot of "The Body", though, so I was looking forward to that one. The fourth one, I hadn't even heard of before.

What I guess I hadn't realized about this, though, is how mainstream these stories are. "Shawshank Redemption" (after hearing about the movie so much it seems wrong to call it "Rita Hayworth And Shawshank Redemption", too wordy) is a story about some guys in prison; "Apt Pupil" is about the teenager fascinated with Nazis, and "The Body" is just about some kids going on a cross-country adventure. "The Breathing Method" has some vague supernatural implications, in the mysterious nature of the gentleman's club our protagonist joins, so it is at least "uncanny", I suppose, and the story within the story has definite horror overtones.

So to some extent it's a bit of a letdown. "Shawshank Redemption" is mildly clever, I suppose, though once again I knew the twist at the end. "Apt Pupil" was mostly just sordid, with a pair of unsavoury characters who both take to killing off "winos" (revealing picture of how homeless people at the time were perceived--"winos" or "bag ladies", all of them the dregs of society who won't be missed), and while they get their comeuppance at the end, I did not enjoy following them for 180 pages. "The Body" was okay, I guess; I had seen the train bridge excerpt from the movie, and I was vaguely aware of the pie-eating contest scene as well, though I had no idea that was just from a story and not part of the actual events. (Yeah, two of Gordie's stories are included, and I couldn't tell you why he put in the other one because it didn't fit at all.) "The Breathing Method" is a story about an offbeat gentleman's club where they tell stories, which is a reasonably common trope, with an even shorter story about the titular method encapsulated inside it; the inner story is macabre, the other story a little light on conflict if heavy on atmosphere.

So now I guess I'm slightly more interested in the movies "Shawshank Redemption" and "Stand By Me", though probably not "Apt Pupil", and at least I've read it once and maybe that'll be it.

Jack L. Chalker: The River of Dancing Gods, completed October 12

I first encountered Jack L. Chalker through one of my friends reading one of the Well World books, and it looked kind of interesting so I tried it out. I loved it and read the whole series. I read his Four Lords of The Diamond series (though out of order at first because it was based on what the library had), and his Flux & Anchor/Soul Rider series, and basically everything of his I could find. His work was mostly based around transformation--whether it was the Well of Souls transforming you into some alien race, or some wizard from Flux, or whatever, people were constantly getting transformed, sometimes into animals, sometimes into sex slaves, sometimes into the other sex, whatever. I particularly liked the Well World because it was a planet made up of different hex-shaped artificial environments for a sampling of alien races, and I spent many happy hours trying to fill in the complete map and populate them with alien races from other books. I even tried to draw one or two of the aliens, though my artistic ability was never great.

At some point it all began to pall a bit, and I never finished his last series, and then he died shortly after that (I had the opportunity to meet him at the one Worldcon I attended, but I was too late to sign up for his Kaffeeklatsch so it didn't happen). His series did get a little samey, and later ones a little perfunctory. And it's been a while since I reread any of them. In recent years, with pressure to weed my collection a bit, I ended up just getting rid of some of the books and series I hadn't gotten as attached to (like the Changewinds series and Web of The Chozen). But some of them were kind of on the bubble so I wasn't quite sure.

This all heavily mirrors what happened with Piers Anthony, who was also one of my favourite authors around the same time; the big difference is that Piers Anthony didn't die (yet) and instead kept churning out books I was progressively less interested in, not to mention getting a little bit too interested in writing about relationships with young teenage girls. I reread his Incarnations of Immortality series a couple of years ago (and ended up just keeping the first book, I think, at the end). And now it's time for me to re-evaluate an old Chalker series.

The Dancing Gods series was intended as light fantasy, I guess. Most of what I remember about it is that our main characters are a couple of people from our world who cross over (making it a portal fantasy) to a fantasy realm where the rules are written down, literally, in a huge series of tomes that basically encapsulate all the fantasy clichés and tropes Chalker could think of. (Which reminds me a lot of Tom Sawyer's insistence on adhering to all those tropes and clichés in the prison rescue in Huckleberry Finn.) And those rules literally become the way the world works, like laws of nature. So it's intended to be a literal parody or pastiche or something. But I remember one or two elements from the books that have lingered with me over the years, so I decided to reread them and see if they had any overall redeeming value.

It's not particularly madcap or anything, this isn't Craig Shaw Gardner or Robert Asprin here, and it takes a while to get past the part where the fantasy realm wizard (Throckmorton Ruddygore) convinces our protagonists (Joe and Marge) to leave their world behind (where they were about to die in a road accident anyway) and cross over. And then they need to acclimatize to the world and train (Joe as a barbarian, Marge as a sorceress, ho hum--this kind of thing is why I was pleasantly surprised in Barbra Hambly's Darwath series when the woman became the fighter and the man became the wizard). Then we get some transformations--Joe because he runs into a Circean witch and gets turned into a bull, and Marge because she's been infused with faerie blood to speed up her training.

Our actual quest has to do with retrieving a magic lamp that grants wishes (though the twist is that it only grants you one wish for free, and if you make a second wish then you swap places with the genie), and it's also a little slow to get going, with a few random incidents, but the genie section is nicely interesting, and then we get the climactic battle with the dark lord's armies at the end. And the promise of sequels, of course, which is also in The Rules.

It's kind of on the bubble as far as keeping it goes. It's kind of short and isn't particularly funny, but it feels like it has something going for it other than trying to be funny. I guess I'll see how the other books in the series hold up. But I can tell that this likely won't be the only one in the series I keep.

Wesley Chu: The Art of Prophecy, completed October 19

After a reread, according to my cycle, it's time for either trying a book by a new author or reading a diversity book. I knew it was supposed to be a male author, and so I ended up grabbing one of the few male diversity books I have available right now, from the recent Wesley Chu series, The War Arts Saga. And only belatedly did I think to myself, wait, was it supposed to be trying a new author instead? and sure enough, it was. But oh, well, it'll be fine.

I've tried a few other Wesley Chu series, but I don't know if I've finished one yet. I read Time Salvager, but haven't been able to get a copy of the sequel Time Siege yet. I read The Births of Pi and The Deaths of Pi, but I wasn't sure about continuing to The Rebirths of Pi so I don't have that one. But this one looked interesting and I decided to pick it up, even in trade paperback. My wife has already read it and we've bought the sequel (we thought it was just a duology, but apparently there's a third one, which I suppose is not unexpected), so the chance that I will finish it are pretty decent, as long as this one doesn't suck or something.

The basic premise is that there's a teenage boy, Wen Jian, who has been prophesied from birth to be the one who defeats the Great Khan of the Katuia, but when warmaster Ling Taishi checks up on his training, she discovers he's being pampered and pulled different ways by too many competing masters, so she takes over instead. And then…the Great Khan gets killed in a random skirmish while he's drunk out of his mind, and the ruling Dukes decide that the prophesied hero is too much of a liability and they need to dispose of him, and Taishi and Jian go on the lam to try to figure out what went wrong with the prophecy.

The setting seems fairly medieval-Chinese, at least at first. And then we get POV from some of the Katuia refugees, on the "Sea of Grass"…which has grass blades large enough to climb and jump off of. And frequent sinkholes into what seems to be an actual sea underneath the Sea of Grass. And also the nomadic Katuia travel around the Sea of Grass in some kind of mechanized cities, possibly with steam technology? Also there are three moons. So it seems at least secondary-world, and an outside chance that this is one of those supposed secondary-world fantasies which is actually an SF colony world? So the setting is interesting, and by the middle of the book we end up cycling POV between the three main characters (Jian, Taishi, and Salminde of the Katuia), often with good chapter-end cliffhangers, and I didn't end up finding any of the POVs a real slog to get through (always a risk with multiple-POV books).

In the end it's pretty satisfying, with plenty of high-energy martial arts fights with bonus magic powers that work well on the page. My biggest gripe is that while there is a lovely illustrated map at the front, it has some huge omissions. Where's the Sea of Grass, for instance? Any time there's a map, it should have all the places in the story on the map so that you can always look them up.

Diana Rowland: White Trash Zombie Apocalypse, completed October 23

Time for another non-male author, and I felt like in honour of the spooky season it should be something…with zombies, maybe? Which either meant the fourth Mira Grant zombie book, Feedback, or the next Diana Rowland White Trash Zombie book. And I feel like I have kind of been neglecting the Diana Rowland (even if her zombies are less horror-y), so I went with that one.

Diana Rowland is on the (very) short list of authors that I discovered when I went to the World Fantasy Convention when they were in Calgary and ended up at the banquet sharing a table with a number of strangers--and since this was WFC, most of them were authors. I guess I don't remember everyone who was at the table, but Carrie Vaughn was definitely there (I had read her first book already so I didn't technically discover her there), as well as Mary Robinette Kowal (as I believe I mentioned previously) and also Diana Rowland. Her first book hadn't actually come out yet, but I made sure to pick it up as soon as it did. That was the first book of her Kara Gillian urban fantasy series, Mark of The Demon, and I've been following that closely since it came out.

It's reasonably common for an urban fantasy writer to start a side series, either with a different main character in the same world (like Patricia Briggs and Faith Hunter have done), or in a completely different world. (Yes, I suppose in general it's not unknown for a writer to have two series going at the same time, but work with me here.) If the series are in the same world, when I will generally try to keep up with them in chronological order as they relate to each other, like with the Patricia Briggs "Alpha & Omega" series relative to her Mercy Thompson books. (Publication order often works too, of course.) Otherwise I'll tend to stick with the one series as long as I'm enjoying it, and then maybe jump ship for the other one if the first series starts to pall. In this case, it was more that the Kara Gillian books were coming out more slowly, so I had time to go and read the White Trash Zombie ones in between. (I was following Rowland on Facebook back when I was on Facebook, and it sounds like she had a lot of crap going on in her life, so no judgement.)

Anyway, the titular character of the White Trash Zombie series is Angel Crawford, a low-income high school dropout (in Rowland's home state of Louisiana) who one day wakes up and finds out that she's been turned into a zombie. These are not supernatural zombies, as far as I can tell, nor are they mindless zombies--they've been infected with a parasite that requires them to consume brains to stay healthy. If they consume enough, then they can even have some super-strength, -speed, and -healing abilities, and the potential for outright immortality. (And, of course, if they don't, then they are overcome by insatiable cravings until they start attacking people and trying to eat their brains.) It turns out that she actually had gotten in an accident and a good samaritan had given her the zombie parasite to heal her; later she got hooked up with the ideal zombie job, working in a morgue, where there's lots of discarded brains for the consuming. She meets up with her saviour and other powerful zombie figures, and has to deal with those who want to use zombies for their own nefarious ends.

So yes, zombies are being rehabilitated into "they're also people with special nutritional needs". And unfortunate instinctual behaviours if those needs aren't satisfied… Does that make them allegories for drug addicts? So far, at least, it seems that they can't just "kick the habit". And it seems like a harmful stereotype to say that drug addicts turn into ravening monsters when denied their fix. But perhaps it's drawing some parallels here anyway? Angel was a drug user before her zombification, and now if she does drugs or even drinks or smokes, all it does is use up her supply of brain prions faster.

The titles from this series are often references to other titles--My Life As A White Trash Zombie, Even White Trash Zombies Get The Blues, How The White Trash Zombie Got Her Groove Back, even White Trash Zombie Gone Wild… This one is more of a stretch. After all, this is not the last book in the series, and there's no apocalypse. Angel does get caught in a flood at some point after days of torrential rain, which I suppose is mildly catastrophic, at least, but mostly I guess the title is justified by the fact that, in the background of events, there's a movie being filmed at a nearby high school, "High School Zombie Apocalypse!!" (I know titles are hard, especially when you establish a strong theme and then you have to stick with it even when it doesn't apply…)

Overall I liked the book; Angel is starting to feel less like just "white trash" and integrating into a new community (of zombies) that accept her for what she is. She goes through a lot, but comes out stronger. But I still want to finish the Kara Gillian series before I go on to the next one…

Jane Lindskold: Wolf's Head, Wolf's Heart, October 31

Time for another female author, and I felt like maybe it was time for one of those big thick epic fantasies, possibly one that has been sitting on my shelf for a while.

Jane Lindskold has been around for a while, but I haven't actually read much of her. I'd first read Marks of Our Brothers from the library, which I seem to recall was SF, and not much else about it. She did a collaboration with Roger Zelazny called Donnerjack which I think we have but I haven't read. At some point she started coming out with this big thick fantasy series about a girl raised by wolves or something, and eventually I read the first book, Through Wolf's Eyes. It was somewhat on the bubble for me, which is why it's not until nine years later that I'm getting around to reading the next book. (It is also, as I mentioned, big thick fantasy, almost 800 pages, and Goodreads Challenge has been skewing my reading choices towards shorter books, so maybe that hasn't helped.) And this book also came out a while ago--in the acknowledgements section the author talks about how difficult the past year has been, and it turns out that that past year was 2001 (in which, famously, things happened), so it's not a classic fantasy series from the 80s or anything, but it's still less recent than a lot of the books I read these days (2010s vintage, in particular, for the urban fantasy).

There seems to be a trope out there, not all that common but still not unknown, of having a character with an interesting background, perhaps raised in solitude or something, who then ends up getting dropped into what seems like a fairly generic fantasy scenario. C.J. Cherryh's Fortress In The Eye of Time, for instance, or Michelle Sagara's "The Sundered", maybe Gwyneth Jones's Divine Endurance (it's been a while since I read it), Rebecca Bradley's "Lady In Gil" series… Sometimes the fantasy scenario gets a boost from the interesting character, and sometimes it drains away all their interestingness and results in generic plot.

Anyway, it's been a while, obviously, so we'll see how easily I can get reoriented into the actual story. It turns out that our wolf-girl, Firekeeper, showed up in the human kingdoms with her giant wolf friend, she encountered human civilization for the first time, made some friends, and meanwhile in local fantasy politics there was some strife which ended in a regime change, and that's book one. In general we seem to spend as much time with Firekeeper's friends as we do with Firekeeper herself, but the reintroduction here was pretty good. We have Elise, the minor noblewoman who's kind of in love with a lower-class healer guy who everyone calls Doc, and we have Derian, the son of a successful stablekeeper who now has the ear of a king. We also have some bad guys, not least the deposed leader from the first book. There's some weddings, there's assassination attempts. And there is, apparently, a history of colonialism.

See, the kingdoms here are actually more or less colonies from overseas, though I think they've lost contact with the original kingdoms. There was a big plague which happened a century ago and preferentially killed people with magical talent, and as a result magic is generally distrusted and magic-users considered evil. And also, the sentient animals (not just wolves, but all sorts of birds and mammals and maybe even reptiles, idk) were kind of driven out of the coastal realms by the humans, particularly the mages, back in the day. Oh, the animals fought among each other, too, but they're very ashamed of it. (Totally not First Nations-coded here, oh no.) The humans have mostly forgotten about them and while they did want to see Firekeeper back with her people, they're not particularly eager to remind the humans at large about their existence.

Meanwhile, deposed monarch took some magic stuff with them when they fled. The new monarch kind of wants it back, and the animals want Firekeeper to confiscate it from the humans and bring it to them for safekeeping, and there's our plot. They end up having to go to the neighbouring realm of New Kelvin, where sorcery is much more respected, though it turns out they don't have any of it themselves. The primary antagonist, Lady Melina Shield, is seen in the POV of a couple of vaguely villain-coded characters, but we don't get her POV directly, which I think is quite effective, since she is clearly an accomplished (and possibly magically-aided) manipulator.

Firekeeper is a central character, but not necessarly the main one, though she does have a character arc, as does Elise; Derian, not so much, but it's fine. The main climax of the book seems to come about two-thirds of the way through; there's one after it, but it has lower stakes and is more of an anticlimax. Overall I found the book charming and almost cozy in the early parts, with more action and tension coming later. I feel better about the series now and am more inclined to continue on, perhaps in less than nine years.

For nonfiction, I'm about halfway through Ed Yong's An Immense World, but I took a break to read some more Marvel comics (up to May 1994), and cut down on the puzzle games a bit. Hopefully I'll finish An Immense World before the end of the year at least, and I'm also feeling like reading some more from that Love & Rockets bundle sometime soon.

Also, we did watch "Stand By Me" on Halloween, and now I'm beginning to think that right after reading something is not the best time to watch the movie adaptation. I enjoyed River Phoenix and Wil Wheaton's performances, but mostly there was a lot of trying to remember if it was exactly the same as the novella or not. (And similar effects with our watching the "Under The Dome" TV series. That's on the back burner now as we power through Series Seven of Doctor Who from the library, though.)