#I'm worse but better
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I only come on tumblr when I'm at the very end of my rope and barely hanging on by a quickly disintegrating thread and I don't know what that tells you about me
#boygenius#lah posting#I took the drugs again#I'm worse but better#I will not stagnate#i have therapy tomorrow#it's gonna be another one of those times when I spend the whole time crying#I don't have anyone anymore that i can rely on to hold space for me when I cry#i can hold space for my own emotions now thank you very much#i'm extremely proud of that fact because six months ago that hill felt absolutely insurmountable#but it really helps when there's occasionally someone else to help with that#sorrow shared is half the sorrow and joy shared is double joy#and all that#but i'm really scared for how this is going to end#i'm in really fucking deep at this point#and it's only getting deeper#i don't want to lose my person or the farm or our plans for the future#but it can't go on like this#no matter what i do#and i can't make him realise and i can't do it for him#but i'm afraid that instead of facing the music and turning shit around he's going to choose a much worse way of dealing with things#If this ends i don't think i could ever date again#i know that's dramatic but i'm being very serious about this#i keep thinking i'm dating someone completely different each time but then every time without fail after a year or two#they get into a deep funk and can't seem to do anything but stew and complain and be mean and ruin any chance of being in a good mood#every single time to the point where i wonder if that's just what happens to people who date me#and i can't stand it because while i'm far from toxic positivity i take pride in choosing to not behave like that when things dont go my wa#but i can't risk letting this keep happening again. I genuinely think i can now be happier loving myself than i'd ever be trusting romance.#I've come so far in my healing and I can't keep letting people derail me who have no idea how to self-regulate or have self-compassion#I'm getting sick again. I can feel it happening in my body
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You know I used to think "tumblr's absolute refusal to actually engage with the Trolley Problem in favor of insisting that there must be a third, morally pure option that doesn't require them to make a hard decision and anyone who asks them to make a binary choice is just a short-sighted idiot is really fucking annoying, but I guess it's not actually doing any harm".
Anyway that was before we asked tumblr at large to decide between "guy aiding a genocide but making progress elsewhere" and "guy who would actively and enthusiastically participate in a genocide and would also make everything else much, much worse for everyone elsewhere" and the response was that there must be a third, morally pure option that doesn't require them to make a hard decision and that anyone who asks them to make a binary choice is a short-sighted idiot.
#there is not a third option. it is either trump OR biden#and one of those will be much MUCH worse for palestine#i'm really really sorry that these are the options. i wish they weren't.#but WHAT third option are you trying to take here? what on earth is your proposed outcome#that will actually make things better for palestine?#because letting trump win the election is NOT going to help them#i'm sorry but you need to set aside your feelings and take the option that will lead to less harm to palestine in the long run#you talk such a big game about how people need to be willing to make sacrifices to help palestine#but you yourself aren't even willing to hold your nose and vote to stop things from getting worse?#or did you think 'sacrifice' only meant not getting mcdonalds for a few months?#us politics
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smorkin
#my art#oc#murdoch#dragon#anthro#furry#deer#illustration#i've been fiddling with this for ages lol but i'm leaving it alone now#wanted to render his jacket more but uhhhh maybe the simplicity works better. or i cant render#anyway murdoch is so fun to draw i can't lie. i've been making him worse lately. nastier. more fleshed out#i do love him....and i hate him....and of course i love him....i will put him into a blender. and make art with the viscera#finally figuring out the story he's from and FINALLY designed the protag he'll be deeply involved with#been trying to design this girlie for more than half a year...hopefully i will draw her nicely at some point#anyway PEACE and sorry to the monthly art draw people i have been busy but i will finally do the draw tomorrow
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let time pass.
#and the tears come streaming down your face#when you lose something you can't replace#when you love someone but it goes to waste#could it be worse?#Light will guide you home and ignite your bones#and I will try to fix you#thank you tom hiddleston for making fix you the lokius anthem#I'm still in mourning over the loki finale and I had to make something to make myself feel a little better#I hope this can help you a little too#or make it worse#haha#wanted to try something new#loki#lokius#lokius fanart#loki fanart#loki and mobius#loki season 2#loki season 2 fanart#loki mobius#loki laufeyson#loki god of stories#mobius m. mobius#owen wilson#tom hiddleston#my art#fanart#digital art#lokius comic#loki comic
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they're learning new things
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#astarion#tav#tavstarion#baldur's skate au#i'm also trying new art stuff can you tell#i'm very into Textures right now#also if you like this there's an entire genre of youtube video where hockey players learn to figure skate and it's adorable#nobody's getting him in that helmet though#this is beginning of game very very hurt astarion who accidentally falls into a situationship#he Absolutely offered to teach him to skate for a quick shag but then was like 'oh no'#i feel like this should have my favourite ao3 tag which is 'it gets better but first it has to get worse'
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As somebody who has struggled with mental health all of their life and still does, Jinx's romance with Ekko means the world to me.
I'm sick and tired of people considering mentally ill people just "not interested in love" or, on the other side, "not healthy enough to be loved". Which is utterly stupid. Ekko falling for Powder but clearly showing signs of wanting to learn more about Jinx and on his way to love her too, realizing that her damaged past and issues do change her but she's still his girl. It's brilliant writing.
He can't be a savior to her, because there's nothing to save. There's nothing to fix. The whole message Jayce gives with "there's beauty in imperfections" goes hand in hand with Powder's "sometimes taking a leap forward means leaving a few things behind". Ekko goes from wanting to save her to wanting to see more of her and leaving Powder behind to know about Jinx. With Ekko loving Jinx nevertheless it shows that mentally ill people can be loved. And with Powder reciprocating and Jinx making amends with Ekko (with the romantic context behind already seen) it's breaking the whole stereotype of her being this "insane maniac with no remorse and unable to show love".
So I guess what I want to say is that their relationship would've worked in another universe, but I want to believe it could've worked in this one (with time), too.
#i'm using powder/jinx as a metaphor for better/worse mental health and trauma and how i percieve the character#powder and jinx are the same person and jinx is still her but she's different and we also have to acknowledge that. ekko too#when he's about to call her powder but changes it to jinx i am sobbing here ewjkjfbwejkefbewk#just saying this as someone who genuinely usde to believe they couldn't be loved or even love for who they were and their mental issues#jinx and ekko mean everything to me fr#arcane#timebomb#ekko arcane#jinx arcane
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thinking about a world in which RR actually committed to the path he set Percy on in hoo (wherein Percy has become jaded, angry, and resentful at the gods for breaking their sworn promises, is frequently sympathizing with Luke, is getting more and more powerful, and frequently losing himself to wrath) and instead of the subsequent Percy Jackson books being about getting recommendation letters, we could have gotten a trilogy exploring a fallen hero arc for Percy (that would ultimately have a positive resolution to it.)
#to be clear I'm not asking for a tragic ending lol#I'd want this to ultimately be a happy ending for Percy#(even if it gets much worse before it gets better)#im looking for something that actually explores and expands upon the clear distress and turmoil and resentment#that Percy is BARELY able to suppress at this point#im looking for something that will actually hold the gods responsible for breaking their promises#but that would require RR to write a definitive end for Percy and co's stories#which he'll never do#so Percy will just continue to spiral and spiral and spiral#and there will never be any meaningful emotional resolution to it#I hate it here#pjo#percy jackson#mine
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Sometimes at work it's not my place to tell people the things I want to say, and I find I often go home at the end of the rougher days to stand blankly in my shower and tell myself over and over what I wish I could pass on.
This accomplishes very little, and mostly just gives me a tension headache, but through it all I think I've narrowed myself down to a few solid things I'd like to tell people the most.
You can't change people. Not permanently, not for anythig. You can support them, encourage them, love them, give them tools and opportunities and resources, but you can't make them change. They can change themselves if they want to, but they have to want to, and they have to want it for themselves, because they're the only one that's certain to be with them forever.
For better or worse, you make your own choices, and blaming bad choices on others doesn't only work to absolve you of responsibility- it also robs you of control. Because if you say you only did something because I did something, then you arent only shifting blame- you're admitting that you cannot control yourself, that you cannot truly make choices for yourself, that other people can control you- and as long as you truly beleive that, you'll keep facing the same problems over and over. You'll keep letting others dictate your choices, because you'll beleive that they can, and you'll never be free.
White knights on horseback are from fairytales. Nobody can help you if ou're not willing to help yourself. To try, to put the dirty work in, to belive you're worth that effort- Act as though nobody is coming to save you. From a struggle, from pain, from bad relationships, from yourself. And when you do save yourself, because you will, because failure here isn't an option if you want to survive, you'll never find another dragon that can keep you prisoner.
Don't say anything to anyone that you wouldn't want them remembering forever.
Doing the right thing in bad circumstances is hard. It's the hardest thing. But if you make the choice to do that hard thing anyways, despite your fear, you'll go on the rest of your like knowing that you're the sort of person who did something.
The present only seems the hardest because the past I over and the future hasn't happened.
There's so much joy ahead of you, the kind you can't possibly understand until you see it yourself.
The responsibility of consequences is often disguised as the power of permission. "I won't do this if you help me", "I'll work on my anger if you do this for me", "I promised you I'd quit, but can I have just one?". The unspoken question is, "Can it be your fault if this goes badly?"
You cant make someone love you the way you need to be loved. Someone can love you very much and still be bad for you, even if you love them very much in return. Two people can love each other very, very much, and try their very best, and still be wrong for each other.
Sometimes being near to someone changes you, even in good ways, and the people you become don't fit together as well as the people you were.
Caring takes work. Even if it's real. Especially if it's real. And the most important gestures aren't the grand, poetic, songs-and-flowers-and-tears moments; they're getting out of bed even though you don't want to. Paying attention to things you don't enjoy. Scrubbing pans, or opening a window, saying "thank-you", or helping carry groceries into the house. The small things fill the big things- without the small, boring, mediocre things, big things feel hollow.
Thrre is honour and dignity in humble work.
If you are a cruel and spiteful person, then you will find every place you visit to be full of the same cruel, spiteful people. This is not because the world is as cruel as you, but because everywhere you are, you will be disliked. This is the curse that comes with being persistently cruel and spiteful.
If you are a kind and ppsitive person, you will repeatedly encounter kind and positive people, because as they grow familiar with you, they will be happier to have you near. This is the reward of being a kind and positive person.
When splitting paths with loved ones, briefly or forever, aim for your last words to always be "I love you".
#I'm still so young and ignorant#but I wish someone had told ME these things before I had to learn them#And now when shit goes south and everything is over and calm again the same things just roll though my head#Over and over and over#It's like everyone I meet has the same 3 problems and its ruining their lives#I just want to take everyone I meet by the shoulders and shake them#I KNOW why this is happening to you#Do you realize you can be better?#Do you realize you can do it?#Aren't you terrified of wasting your life like this?#*I* want to be happier#*I* used to be so much worse than I am#And I don't have it all figured out#But if we all decide to help ourselves then it'll be that much easier to help each other#Right?#It's so hard to lift dead weight#You need to kick against the waves with me#You need to WANT to float#Do you understand#Ugh it's 6am#This has been your overdramatic midnight ramble#Imma grill me a cheese and go back to bed#Blaurfhgh
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wake up babe new cringefail babygirl sammon doctor just dropped
#4 minutes#4 minutes the series#jes jespipat#asianlgbtqdramas#uservix#userrlaura#esmetracks#userspicy#userrlana#khaotunq#*#*4m#black subs for tyme cause i'm going with the color coding of the show. for better or worse.
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New art for monsterfucker meme... I wanted to do this one for a while.
Full version: twitter, bsky
#terato#nsft#monster fucker#dnd art#werewolf#werewolves#I MEEEEEEEEEAN#everyone deserves that i wish that to everyone who wants to be in the same situation#i'm happy now#almost#TWO MORE TO GOOOOOOOO#no cheesy censorship this time..........but i like this crop#probably better than whole art anyway :/#it's kinda messy but fuck it i'll make it worse if i'll dig in it more#cheesy art#Valeska
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hehe ghost-turbo haunting felix au
turbo is connected to the last piece of his code in the whole arcade - a trophy he gifted to felix in mid 80s as a symbol of him genuinely caring about their relationships on par with being the best racer. felix also gave him one of his medals and both kept their gifts next to other rewards, but when roadblasters and turbotime were unplugged, the medal was gone with everything else
now, after burning in cola-lava turbo is basically dead, but scraps of his code still were intertwined with the trophy (after all, it was his first winner's cup, but felix never knew about it), giving turbo an opportunity to exist as a shadow incapable of interacting with anything and anyone besides felix, who kept the trophy even after the roadblasters incident
also I went crazy in tags, feel free to check them out
#turbo#turbotastic#fix it felix jr#80s boyfriends#hammertastic#headcanon about them exchanging their trophies isn't mine but i loved it A LOT#and “darling” is turbo making fun of how felix was calling him in 80s#this hc about “doll” and “darling” pet names also is not mine but i adore it#turbo here is a complete freak who just stays around felix most of the time even when felix has moments with calhoun#and felix is an ass who keeps secrets from everyone bc he doesn't want his dirt to come out#he's ashamed of his previous relationship with turbo and doesn't want anyone to know any details#and calhoun to just know about it#this just gets worse and worse#they also didn't actually break up and were still technically dating when turbo went gamejumping#and he's mad af at felix because he's the reason ppl in the acrade made a boogeyman out of turbo and he couldn't come back#like imagine your bf says to you what you are better than others think of you#and then behind your (presumably dead) back tells everyone that you're just an egocentric maniac#i believe turbo has other reasons why he gamejumped (besides jealousy which took place but wasn't the most important reason)#and felix is an unreliable narrator#so yeah turbo HATES his ass#(but still would-) no im not making it suggestive#anyway i hc that turbo had put A LOT of emotions in this relationship even tho he's bad at this#he tried his best with felix but they were just making each other worse#and turbo while feeling betrayed never really moved on (yes even after 25 years he's PATHETIC)#and felix is just full of regret about everything but he won't admit his mistakes in his relationship with turbo#bc “well he turned out to be a bad person so that automatically makes me in the right about everything”#but felix had made a lot of bad decisions while dating turbo and was just classically ignorant about a ton of things#sorry about this random ass essay in tags i'm done for now#wreck it ralph#wir
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you and i have begun to blur.
#hannibal#hannibal nbc#nbc hannibal#hannibal edit#hannigram#hannigram edit#will graham#hannibal lecter#wish i could brighten these more but uuuuhh probably would look worse#also wrong order bc i think it looks better 👍🏻#this has probably been done a billion times but i'm doing it too#mine#not sh*
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not pictured: the six brothers who showed up to portrait day covered in ink, mud, soot, or all three at once
#tolkien fanart#silmarillion fanart#maedhros#i've never tried (mostly) lineless painting before and honestly. i wish it had turned out worse#i'm such a lazy bastard and it's so much more work but it DOES look better so now i have to keep doing it. horror agony perturbation etc#property law#subcreation
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various art trades from the past month! had FUN as usual
#my art#furry#anthro#monster#dragon#oc#not my own but nevertheless#these characters are all lots of fun....thank you everyone for giving me cool guys to draw#also BIG things coming (said for the sixth time over the course of the year)#anyway i went apple picking for the last time this year recently which pretty much brings scrumping season to an end#here's a review: blackberries EARLY. annoyingly early but they were okay. greengages amazing. brings a tear to my eye#cherries SUCKED. cherries do better next year. grapes i'm still harvesting actually but doing well. sweet#and apples kind of popped off!!! year of the ugly apple this year - the beautiful red ones were worse than the scabruous pimply brown ones#which were crisp and had thin skin and a beautiful sweet-mellow-nutty taste...wonderful
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writing crabs: Okay! The new fic is ready! Let's post it now before we lose our motivation!
marketing crabs: yknowww, an image will make it more eye-catching
writing crabs: What are you doing here? We don't work in marketing anymore!
art crabs: image? :3c
writing crabs: No.
art crab: draw? :3c
writing crabs: No!
art crabs: drawing!! >:3c
...
well
look forward to seeing these goobers:
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not today, like i originally planned
but soon
#Have You Eaten? AU#Sun Have You Eaten? AU#Eclipse Have You Eaten? AU#Moon Have You Eaten? AU#crab art#digital art#bright colours#so i have this thing right where i have like a timespan i need to post a drawing or fic#otherwise i will lose motivation to post it#hence why i have drafts of art i never posted#because they have past the arbitrary expiration date in my brain#i also have this thing#where every bit of job experience i've accumulated will intrude on the peaceful enjoyment of my hobbies#sometimes for better#sometimes for worse#here i am trying to post a fic without any pressure#and in comes the stray bit of knowledge that tells me “an image will make the post more eye-catching and increase engagement”#fortunately i am not drawing out of pressure#i'm drawing for fun#just a little peeved to delay posting the fic
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I was rummaging through my rottmnt art folder and found this little unfinished disaster twins comic... can't remember the context, but I thought the platonic comfort was sweet <3
#sfw g/t#sfw giant/tiny#rottmnt g/t#rottmnt giant/tiny#platonic g/t#g/t tmnt#one of my many unfinished rottmnt comics though I probably won't post the others#yk smth I find interesting is that it seems like there's this expectation that what an artist posts online is all they've drawn#personally I only post like 10%-50% of what I draw#I wonder why there's an assumption that artists always post everything they make#I'm interested to know if other artists post most of what they draw or if they only post some things#neither decision is better or worse than the other ofc#There are as many good reasons to keep some art off the Internet as there are to show it all#plaidartist draws
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