#I'm watching this for the first time in 2020 oh my lord

[fiammee]

Hello, how have ya been? How did your trip ended, did you have fun?

I guess reaching to you through asks is easier than DMs, so here I am, being generally curious about where we left off the last last time, but since I am here I'll also leave a big ask:

How did it happen that Jon Lord is so important to you? When did you hear him and saw him for the first time? What's the thing in his playing and in his character that makes him be that special guy to you?

Write the longest answer you want - or a short one if it's more in your style - I'm just a curious lil mutual <3

Heyaaaaa haiiiiiii dear!!!! Thank you for these questions *rubbing hands* Finally lets hope that I can respond this time XD

Times could get better, but summer is coming and Im pretty excited in beginning uni academy next year, lets hope🙏

About my trip end, it was a bit unexpected but funny: we leaved our rented house at 10 AM but we quickly found out that all highways were clogged up, and we managed to reach home a whole day after, at 1 AM, literally praying that my mom wouldnt fall asleep while driving 🤣

Abt Jon, lets begin *cracks knuckles*

I dont remember if I have ever said this to anyone, but usually my dad, when I was little, made me watch purple lives instead of cartoons;

So, throughout my childhood and my first teenage years I had this blurred memory about the members and how they looked like; (my thoughts were like: why the drums guy is so little? Why the guitarman is so scary? Why that mans moustache are so big and silly? Why the singer looks like Jesus and has my same hair? Just pure childlike wonder lol)

And finally, around 2020, I gave them a chance by listening my dads machine head vynil and OH BOY OH BOY I was quickly captivated by their roaring and powerful sound.

My first crush was big ian but I later revalued Jon when, out of pure curiousity, I went searching for pics on pinterest and I stumbled upon this:

My brain and hormones went apeshit🤭🤭 and this sort of awakened me, I was asking myself questions like "wtf is happening to me whattt?" in pure confusion.

The rest is now history, and here I am today :]]

Apart from the obvious phisical attraction (please mind that I was still new to this world at the time🤣) What I always found fascinating about him was the crazy talent and gentle personality among the "rock people" that Ive known previously.

I consider him to be a pretty unique rock soul: no extreme drama, nor arrogance, stupidity, rudeness or immesurable ego; he was just happy to be in the scene, and had the intelligence to make himself respected and valued... I think that he did that pretty well😌.

He used MUSIC in his everyday life as the main method of expressing himself rather than using words (as an introvert I consider him as a role model for what he gifted to others and himself) and lets be frank, isnt it cool that a BIG strong 185 cm man is easily brought to tears of emotion by listening to a classical piece or spectating a good sunset or landscape? He's an 800' romantic author trapped in a motocyclist body, an unusual combination🤣🤣

And what about his music? He combined classical, popular, blues, jazz and sick improvisation in a fresh versatile style that changed rock music and organ playing forever, and would inspire generations of musicians since this very day! And lets not forget his pure classical works, full of a wide range of emotions that have helped me in various rough times.

I hope to have answered your questions my dear :)) and it wouldnt be bad if I addressed the same questions to you about keith, with you making a post about it reblogging this one, obv if you feel like doing it 🫰🏻

[respectthepetty]

15 Questions

Tagged by @italianpersonwithashippersheart and @pandasmagorica

1. are you named after anyone?

Yes. First name is after my cousin's imaginary friend because my parents were wild. Middle name is after the song I was conceived to because my parents were really wild.

2. when was the last time you cried?

Externally? I joke that I haven't cried since 2009, but I really think that is the last time I cried. Internally? Every single fucking day.

3. do you have kids?

Oh, Lord, no.

4. what sports do you play/have you played?

Basketball, volleyball (horrible at it), fast-pitch softball, but I love watching all live sports.

5. do you use sarcasm?

Strange story, but many educators have to get "empathy training" because we do not understand declarations of self-harm to be serious. We think they are sarcastic comments. I think as an aging millennial, sarcasm is all we have, so we do not recognize when someone else is being serious. So . . . yes, I use sarcasm.

6. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

Vibes. I travel alone, so if the vibe ain't right, I'm out.

7. what’s your eye color?

Very dark brown

8. scary movies or happy endings?

Happy Endings. Both kind. *wink*

9. any talents?

Navigation and directions. Stick me anywhere, and I will find my way to where I need to go. Metro, bus, interstate, walking. Doesn't matter. I will figure it out. Also driving. I can drive loooong distances and any vehicle is my friend, which is why I got a ticket on the autobahn because I was just vibin' in the Audi at 150 km.

10. where were you born?

Japan

11. what are your hobbies

Traveling, especially for live music. I've seen hundreds of artists individually and have been to almost fifty music festivals. Some of my favorites are Austin City Limits (Austin), Electric Daisy Carnival (Las Vegas), Lollapalooza (Chicago), Country Music Awards Fest (Nashville), Osheaga (Montreal), Ultra (Miami), Primavera (Barcelona), Mad Cool (Madrid), and Pa'l Norte (Monterrey, México). Some of my favorite venues are Meow Wolf (Santa Fe), Red Rocks (Denver), and Fenway Park (Boston), and I had a ticket to see a concert at the Palace of Versailles in France for May 2020, then everything went to hell in a hand basket. But strangely, I saw Bad Bunny, Big Freedia, and French DJ Gesaffelstein in 2020.

I could talk for hours about music, but I'll stop with this picture (not mine because none I took came out good) of Gesaffelstein who dresses like this for his shows with an all black background and all black equipment. Ah-maze-zing.

12. do you have any pets?

Oh, God, no. I'm a Disney villain. I don't mess with animals. Or plants.

13. how tall are you?

5'9" (This is a good country song too)

14. favorite subject in school?

Languages & Literature, which is why I teach English now.

15. dream job

What I'm doing now. Teaching. Except I would like to grade less than ~150 essays every month, but education is a mess right now, so y'all be nice to your professors.

[ricardian-werewolf]

This may feel passe but let's go: The man, the myth, the legend, the Reanimator Herbert West

OH MY LORD DID YOU READ MY MIND???? I was literally thinking: damn, no one's sent me a reanimator ask!! The way that man got me on tumblr for a second time is something that should be studied! ahem.

So, my perception of Herbert West is remarkably different. The people who knew me in 2020 (JFC how was this nearly 4 years AGOOO? Fuck, I'm old!) Anyways. When i first watched reanimator, I was depressed and he was my first foray into the mad scientist. I, admittedly, overlooked a lot of his negative behaviors because to me he was the most Autistic coded character I had seen on screen. The fandom of people on tumblr and discord who I joined were, shall we say, very particular in their perception of Herbert and his relationships with Meg and Daniel Cain.

Romantically, I ship Herbert with... no one! I did ship him and Daniel very, very heavily during Covid times. However 4 years of difference made me realize that he and Daniel's relationship is fundamentally abusive that it doesn't work. I've read a lot of really good Herbert x Meg x Daniel polycule fics that do a great job of redeeming Daniel from his himbo fanon prison and giving Meg an amazing amount of agency. As someone who heard about the original source material having Herbert in the great war, I wrote a very extensive (now deleted) fic of Herbert marrying my original character Harriet, who was an american doctor and vampire. She and him served in the (Real) 42nd Canadian Black Watch Highland battalion as the supernatural doctors assigned to the battalion.

Non romantic OTP: Dan/Meg/Herbert. They have chemistry, but Yuzna and Gordon fumbled it by making Meg the victim of extensive stalking and rape from Hill (no disrespect towards the late David Gale and Barbara Crampton, who did mention that the filming of the infamous scene from the film made her in no way uncomfortable).

OHO I have many unpopular feelings about herbert, mostly wrapped up in how the fandom blorbifies him. I am, admittedly, guilty of this too. Herbert is *not* a good person, and it's what makes him so attractive to many ND peeps, and the especially transgender-lens of takes by fans needs to be respected, because it is extremely valid. However, and I know I'm going to get slammed for this, the fandom when I was active, was incredibly full of double standards and fans who were largely exclusionary towards the female and female presenting fans. I still get notes for my one reanimator fic on here, and I'm consistently shocked because it is in no ways good, at ALL.

Beyond reanimator didn't happen, and that there's a world out there where Renaimtor was a successful, if somewhat gory (and not racist) early 1900s period piece. I'd kill for it. (jk)

[himluv]

DA Review Series: Tevinter Nights

<<< Previous Review: Absolution

I've read this anthology once before, and I'm happy to say it holds up beautifully on a re-read. Since this features multiple stories, I'm going to review the whole work, and then do little reviews of each individual tale.

Title: Tevinter Nights Editors: Chris Bain, Trick Weekes, Matthew Goldman, and Christopher Morgan Year Published: 2020 In-World Year: ~9:45+ Verdict: Required reading. This is a fantastic look at the state of Thedas after Trespasser, as well as an introduction to a few of our companions and factions in Veilguard. If you only consume one piece of tie-in content leading up to release day, make it this one.

Tevinter Nights is a collection of short stories all set after the fall of Ventus. We meet Strife and Irelin, Evka Ivo and Antoine, Lucanis and Illario Dellamorte, Andarateia Cantori and Viago de Riva, Emmrich and Manfred, and Neve Gallus, among others. We also see all of our factions — Inquisition, Lords of Fortune, Veil Jumpers, Shadow Dragons, Antivan Crows, the Mourn Watch, and the Grey Wardens. This book really feels like a primer for the next game and is a ton of fun. I enjoyed my second reading as much as the first!

1. Title: Three Trees to Midnight Author: Trick Weekes Verdict: Set in the aftermath of the invasion of Ventus, this story feels like the perfect jumping off point. It picks up from the comics and introduces us to the Veil Jumpers and Arlathan Forest — a very exciting first story for longtime fans.

2. Title: Down Among the Dead Men Author: Sylvia Feketekuty Verdict: Undead murder mystery, what's not to love? Plus, we meet Emmrich and Manfred and it's absolutely adorable. And, I'll be honest, I'd do anything for Audric. This story makes the Mourn Watch seem pretty darn cool.

3. Title: The Horror of Hormak Author: John Epler Verdict: Absolute nightmare fuel. If you're worried that Veilguard isn't going to be dark enough... Read this story. A pair of Wardens are investigating a missing unit, and discover a very messed up underground lab of some sort. This story very much gave that same creeping dread as meeting the Broodmother in DAO. And if I have one fear for Veilguard, it's a Broodmother in 4k.

4. Title: Callback Author: Lukas Kristjanson Verdict: Heartbreaking. But also a really moving farewell to Skyhold. I love this story even though it kills me. In fact, I loved it enough to write some fanfic revolving around it! That's how good it is.

5. Title: Luck in the Gardens Author: Sylvia Feketekuty Verdict: This story introduces us to the Lords of Fortune faction. Hollix takes a job from none other than Dorian Pavus (and we see him with Mae!!!) to find out what's been hunting people in the docks. And it's uhhhh not anything you might expect. We see more evidence of gross, tentacled, briny-blooded monsters lurking underground. Again, things are getting real messed up in Thedas y'all.

6. Title: Hunger Author: Brianne Battye Verdict: In another throwback to Origins, werewolves are back babeyyy! This time a pair of Wardens (Evka Ivo and Antoine) are on their way back to Weisshaupt when they come across a cursed village. The pair decide to lend a hand and quickly realize they might have taken on more than they bargained for...

7. Title: Murder by Death Mages Author: Caitlin Sullivan Kelly Verdict: More Mortalitasi in this one. We get a peek at Nevarran politics, a brief glimpse of Cassandra, and more insight into the Mortalitasi. I will say, this is probably my least favorite story in the collection. While it showed Inquisition agent Sidony's power, it didn't really come together for me plot-wise.

8. Title: Streets of Minrathous Author: Brianne Battye Verdict: Helloooo Neve Gallus! This is an utterly stunning introduction to our private detective companion. A great noir-style tale that confirms that the Venatori are very much still a problem in Tevinter.

9. Title: The Wigmaker Job Author: Courtney Woods Verdict: Oh man. This is one of my favorite stories. There's just so much to love here! Lucanis and Illario are great together (I fell in love with Lucanis here and have rooted for him to be a companion since I first read it). The action sequences are great, and again, some real nasty, dark things are happening in Thedas.

10. Title: Genitivi Dies in the End Author: Lukas Kristjanson Verdict: This story is So. Much. Fun! It's also a pretty deep cut for fans, featuring Brother Ferdinand Genitivi (from DAO) and Philliam, a Bard!, as well as a few references to the Randy Dowager. All figures you'll only know if you are a lore hound in Inquisition. We also meet another Lord of Fortune and get a fun romp into elven ruins. What's not to love?

11. Title: Herold Had the Plan Author: Ryan Cormier Verdict: More Lords of Fortune, this time stealing an artifact from the Grand Tourney in Starkhaven. We also see Vaea and Ser Aaron at the end, which was a nice little treat. I will say though, this one had me a bit misty-eyed by the end. I usually want to see more of characters I love, but I hope Bharv retires to his farm and never treasure hunts again. Man has earned it.

12. Title: An Old Crow's Old Tricks Author: Arone Le Bray Verdict: After a troop of Tevinter soldiers attack a Dalish clan to make way for their camp, the Dalish seek revenge. That vengeance comes in the from of an old woman named Lessef. Watching her decimate the soldiers was gruesome good fun, and I cheered each time she said "Lessef of the Antivan Crows has fulfilled the contract."

13. Title: Eight Little Talons Author: Courtney Woods Verdict: This is the longest of the stories (I'd probably consider it a novelette) and it is maybe my favorite. I love a good whodunnit, and this one has a remote lake house, Antivan Crows, murders that replicate historically famous assassinations, AND sexual tension through the roof! We are formally introduced to Andarateia Cantori and Viago de Riva in this story, though we can infer from the text that they are the unnamed Crows we met in the comic Deception. I love them and NEED them to kiss on screen on Veilguard, okay?????

14. Title: Half Up Front Author: John Epler Verdict: It's hard to follow up Teia and Viago, but this little heist story is good fun. We see Gatt, and go to Kont-Arr! We also learn that the Agents of Fen'Harel are uhhhh real intense, Solas is after yet another artifact, and his feud with the Qunari is alive and well. We also learn that Dorian hired the narrator of this story to steal something from the Archon(?!) and at the end Gatt suggests the narrator and her girlfriend Irian head to Kirkwall to meet Varric. So, I guess we'll see if they show up in Veilguard?

15. Title: The Dread Wolf Take You Author: Trick Weekes Verdict: Look. As a Solavellan, I was never going to be normal about this story. I remember screaming (and crying) the first time I read it. It's a really interesting look at some different groups around Thedas, including the Carta, the Mortalitasi, and the Executors. We get to see Charter again, and she mentions Tessa! But the real gem here is that Solas himself shows up, and he somehow manages to break my heart all over again all while leaving me we more questions than answers. What an absolute banger of an ending for this anthology!

[batsplat]

Oh i also love how you seem to be a Naruto and untamed fan ( do you share thoughts on those too)

I am a fan of many things! including very much those two things! I'm always happy to share my thoughts, even though I never really have on this account! naruto I was first a fan of like... when I was... uh, maybe six or seven years old? one of those things you just glomp onto, like do you EVER get over the fictional media you create original characters for as an eight year old to play out convoluted storylines with your friends?? obviously not. I had one of those headbands with the crossed out symbol outlaw-style and, like, a bag that's the gaara sand gourd, so proper edge lord eight year old stuff. (I do feel like gaara got insane prop in my friend group, he was definitely the most popular character. like my best friend was playing a very obvious gaara-expy. I was also big on temari as I too was the token girl). anyway say what you will about how 'good' that series is, the character design does go CRAZY like it's just banger after banger concept. even shippuden, where I'm deeply meh about most of the actual story, introduces much of the akatsuki and they're all just. such banger characters. luv them. great for fic too, like there's so much to explore in that world that canon did.... maybe not do so.....

the untamed I've also now been into for a while!! 2020 I think I got into it? watched the show, read the book, watched most of the animated show, have also read the other books by the author... the specific characters I'm into are. uh. divisive in certain corners of fandom, and I have seen plenty from the trenches of the discourse. but the actual source material slaps! I'll defo revisit it when I have the time... also my gateway into gay chinese webnovels which was like, a great choice, a lot of stuff I kinda wish I was getting from canonically gay characters in western media. actual development of the relationship! it might be a romance but it's not all romance! moral ambiguity! high stakes! I'm still working my way through jwqs, which is very very very long but is like... lesbian political drama... the main character pretending to be a man and getting herself married to the daughter of the emperor, as she gradually goes about destroying that family from the inside... but she realises she cares about the princess but she's lost herself in this revenge quest so she's like 'I will destroy your entire family but until then I will dedicate myself to your happiness until I do'... LIKE it's such a good time!! I want fifty million stories with similar vibes! ugh

[hils79]

Hils Watches Goblin - Ep 1

It's time for another k-drama and this is another one that got recommended to me a few years back when I first started watching Asian dramas. Apparently 2023 is the year I finally watch the stuff that was recommended to me in 2020 😅

I don't think this will follow my usual 2 episodes per evening usual schedule. These episodes are LONG. The first one is an hour and a half. That's the length of a movie.

So, probably one episode per day for now but I'm off work all of next week so I'll have time for more then.

This one, at least, I'm sort of vaguely aware of the plot but like everything else I don't know any spoilers or anything.

And I'll need to figure out how to tag this because this drama has about 10 different titles.

But for now, let's go!

Hmm...this does not sound like it's going to have a happy ending

Okay, that is clearly a young woman wearing quite bad old person makeup and prosthetics

Oh, I know him! From Train to Busan apparently

I love that we've switched to widescreen for the dramatic flashback

After joking that this episode is as long as a movie it kind of feels like it too. Everything is Very Dramatic

I don't know what it says about me that this dude has just asked his second in command to kill him and I instantly started to ship them

Ahhhh I forgot Lee Dong Wook was in this. Look at his little face.

Oh no I love them

I really hope he is dramatic like this through the whole drama.

Look, I know this is a supernatural drama, but good lord how is she still alive after losing that much blood

Oh I forgot this was a flashback to the 90s. So the unborn baby of the woman he saved on a whim is going to grow up to save him. Aww, that's nice.

Ooh she can see things that other people can't

Oh shit! Did not see that coming

His hat is so stupid and I love him

Aww I know him from Mystic Pop Up Bar

Yep see that's who was under the old woman makeup

Slow motion walking in the rain. An important part of any kdrama

Look at all those candles. I see he's decided to embrace the full brooding gothic stereotype by living in a candlelit mansion even though it clearly has electricity

Wow I hope she gets rescued from her terrible abusive family soon

Okay, this is cute

Rude

Yeah...these two need to bang

Oh my god do they live together now?

Well, this just got awkward

Just what every girl wants to hear from their guardian god

Well, that was way more fun than I was expecting. I just wish the episodes weren't so damn long. I'll watch another one tomorrow

[sulkybender]

❤️ ✨️ 🎁 📗 📚 🤔 🤩 🎨

Oh no, MANY!!

❤️ what's your favorite line that you've written in a fic?

Gosh. I tend to remember favorite stories because I was proud of the overall writing in them, rather than individual lines.

Looking back on recent stories, here some lines I'm happy with:

"He sits in the garden and punishes insects, to make them feel like he feels.

He feels like pulled wings."

Here what I was really happy about is finding a way to suggest how a child might feel when they don't have words for it. And sort of explaining something that looks like senseless cruelty as something more comprehensible and sad.

"Sokka’s face came closer, like a comet skirting the earth, and Zuko scuttled back on his hands, so sure he would be destroyed."

The image here I thought was powerful, something you admire and dread coming towards you, and I'm really happy with the verbs. Skirting the earth...

✨️ out of the comments you've received on fics, what are two or three of your favorites?

Ahhhh I take screenshots of really special comments; they're close to my heart <3 Some are just hilarious. Some, especially on stories about mental illness, disability, and addiction, are about feeling seen and less alone, or understanding how someone they love feels. God that means the world to me.

🎁 have a piece of a WIP you want to share?

“Do you know what a waterbender is?”

Zuko sniffs.

“I'm not stupid.”

“I never said you were,” Iroh says, and waits.

“Yeah,” Zuko says. “They live at the North Pole.”

“They do,” he says. “But not just at the North Pole.”

Zuko has a bad feeling, cold and sharp in his chest.

“I don't want to be a waterbender,” he whispers.

📗 do you want to write something outside of fanfic? what is it about?

Yeah! I can't go into details or my smut will be linked to my professional life, but I'm working on a book <3

📚 is there a fanfic or fanfic writer you recommend?

There's so much! I mean, lovelyelbowleech and WitchofEndor updates get my heart racing—I basically stop whatever I'm doing and read. They have a real gift.

Okuz's "painted powder keg" isn't for everyone (omegaverse, about an abusive relationship) but it's really beautiful and moving, if you ever want to dive into something novel-length and just drown there.

🤔 would you ever want to write something canon if you got the opportunity?

Lord yes. We must Zukka the canon...

🤩 what led to your interest in the fandom?

I watched ATLA completely for the first time in 2020 and I was so desperate to know what happened next, especially with Zuko. And fortunately ao3 was absolutely full of post-canon stories.

🎨 if someone were to make fan art of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

In "black eyes always watch the clock," the scene where Sokka leans over in the car and cleans the makeup off Zuko's face. I think that could be so beautiful and tender.

There are actually a handful of images in the "broken lines" (middle-aged Zukka) series that I think about, but I would love to see the scene where Zuko reads his poetry to Sokka in the garden. There's so much going on but it's a very simple image.

[icouldhyperfixatehim]

tag game 🫧

tagged by @cankersoregirl - a delight and shower of starshine on the dash

1. why did you choose your url?

i like wordplay and "i could fix him" happened to be the phrase du jour at the time. i have enough awareness to know i could not in fact fix him, as i am invariably worse 😊

2. any sideblogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

none for me - i've had and deleted/reupholstered previous iterations of blogs, but i've never done the sideblog thing

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

this blog particular? since 2019/2020 i believe. those previous iterations i mentioned? christened as tumblr native the year of our lord 2013

4. do you have a queue tag?

i'm almost me again she's almost queue. more wordplay - lyric from hozier's almost (sweet music)

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

i watched the untamed on rec from someone i was getting to know irl. from there i moved like wildfire discovering the queer stories i hadn't known asia had been producing This Whole Time, and i turned back to an old friend (oh tumblr you sweet, slutty siren) to further my education in a new obsession. isn't it always the way

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

eh well, that's erng, from umg, and she's the most important person in the world. and out the world.

7. why did you choose your header?

again, umg. that series is so rich in lovely trees, and that one in particular is marked with an arrow that points the way to homes away from home, friendships that last lifetimes, the parts of childhood you keep cradled in your hands like a fragile little moth... it's just a lovely shot to me.

8. what is your post with the most notes?

apparently it's this meme about gap sam being a beautiful girlfail 🤍

9. how many mutuals do you have?

no idea. room for more?

10. how many followers do you have?

a quick looky-loo provides the answer...1083. i imagine a great many just haven't realised they haven't unfollowed me yet lmao

11. how many people do you follow?

451. lotta talented people on here and i have a trigger finger. i could probably do w a pruning session tbh

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

some might argue that's the bulk of what i do

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

how often do i pick my nails? how often do i yawn? how often do i walk into a room in my house and forget wtf i went in there for?

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

no, i'm just a liwwtle guy ^-^

15. how do you feel about 'you need to reblog this' posts?

everyone feels urgency for different things at different times depending on their own perspective. we do our best with what we have in a given moment, and it's worth the effort to resist guilt that others try to hand you. they don't know you, you know you.

16. do you like tag games?

i do! more open ended ones like this - i struggle w superlatives

17. do you like ask games?

i've spoken before of my deep devotion to t? notification. i love her in all her guises

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

idk i'm shy of everyone at more or less equal levels lmao

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

in love w creation and critical analysis of narratives and passion so: select all//action:kith

20. tags?

here's your coupon to say i tagged you if you want to partake: 💌. otherwise @akkpipitphattana @jgyapologism @philologique @becomingabeing @charles-edwin @chickenstrangers @benkaaoi

[golbrocklovely]

Didn’t Elton trash Colby’s first car and asked to show his wrists when he knew he was harming himself?

All in all. I watch both accounts but Elton is just crazy. I also think he’s desperate to prove himself and to prove the paranormal like Sam. But then again, they both want to spread a message. But they both differ I guess.

He was at the Hellfire 3 days after I went there. So crazy!

this turned into such a rant omg i'm so sorry

he did wreck colby's car, but a lot of us personally believe he actually just trashed a car that looked like colby's since in the end he "gave" colby a car that look suspiciously like his and was just slightly nicer looking.

and the wrist thing NEVER happened. i've had to reiterate this on several occasions so if i seem a bit snippy about it, my apologies. but this has never happened. colby has never self harmed before, and elton has never made him show scars… since they don't exist.

here's where the rant starts in case anyone wants to read it:

the only reason this rumor infuriates me so much is that it wasn't until last year that ppl started talking about it and bringing it up but there is literally NO PROOF of it's existence. and when you ask ppl where they heard it from, they say "oh someone said it was in a video that got removed" or you also get "someone said it was in a livestream that's been deleted". my issue with this is that the last time snc collabed with elton was in 2019. and it took until 2022 for anyone to talk about this event. if that's the case…. you don't think someone would have brought it up before?? like the ENTIRE fandom just let elton make colby "show" self harm scars and it took three years for anyone to say that wasn't cool? if it happened in a livestream, which notoriously never gave saved or screen recorded all that often, how do you know it happened unless you were there and watched it and WAITED three years to say something about? and if it was in a video that only got deleted recently, no one… not a single person…. recorded it??? i've been in the fandom since 2018, this did not occur bc i've heard NOTHING about it ever until 2022 and the only place i've heard it from is tiktok.

idk who started the rumor, but i really wish they didn't. bc elton is an asshole for a lot of reasons, but this is not one of them.

sorry this is turning into a rant about elton and the tiktok fandom but i gotta vent a bit: i get that some of elton's pranks back in the day were a bit intense. and if you want to harp on the ones that got snc hurt or really emotional, also valid. but some of these fans are being upset for snc when snc don't fucking care about these pranks and SIGNED OFF on them existing and being posted in the first place !! you are talking about the same boys that did the killing best friend prank. clearly, snc can handle a douchebag who possibly destroys their car or slams a hand into their face or whatever. again, i agree that elton went above and beyond with his pranks, but like…. dear lord, please dislike him for the actual bad shit he's done.

he made a rape joke in 2020 and then tried to argue with fans about the semantics of it since he didn't "actually" make a joke about sexual assault. then he bitched about have to remove the video since the clip was at the tail end of it and only lasted like 10 second or whatever. he can't take a lick of criticism and will block fans that don't kiss his ass just bc they have something to say that isn't positive. for YEARS NOW, he has been petty and shit talking snc's name just bc of a video series they haven't done since the early half of 2021 that he believed they copied off of him BUT HE WASN'T CORRECT ABOUT THAT. tfil and 25x25 were not copies of one another. similar? sure, kinda. but not copies. and the single time snc went to the same place as elton THEY GAVE CREDIT IN THEIR VIDEO. but since then, elton has made it his mission to shit on snc any chance he gets and literally has bad mouthed them to crowds of his fans during tour (and most likely to the owners of some of these haunted places since snc weirdly can't go to some of these places for one reason or another but elton and other creators can). elton was BANNED from the conjuring house, and that alone tells me all i need to know about him. when demons can vibe in a space, but not you…. that's proof that you suck deeply as a human being. the only reason he was allowed back recently was bc of it having new owners.

everyone is harping on the old fucking pranks and dumb made up shit and not focusing on ACTUAL shit elton has done. it's like when the anons i had a couple years ago where focusing on shea lying about her age…. who CARES? there are bigger things to pay attention to !

sorry, none of this was directed at you, anon. i've just been really annoyed about tiktok and the dumb shit the fans on there say and it's getting on my last nerve that ppl are focusing on shit that does exist or lying about elton when there is plenty of proof of him being a dick irl. no need to lie on his behalf.

i just realized i never got to the rest of your ask. my bad lol

personally i can't sit thru elton's content bc i deeply don't like him. but if other ppl like him and his content, that's fine ! watch whoever you enjoy more of. my whole thing is elton is the reason i know who snc are, and i don't want to hate him. i would much rather live in the world where they're all still friends with one another and collab when they can. instead we live in the world where elton did all of that and then on top of it didn't even wish colby well when he was going thru his cancer treatment... so fuck him :)

and that's kinda cool that he was there after you. he was definitely copying you, you trend setter haha

[black-diamond1329]

⭐ Name: Sandra, but you can tell me Sandy 😉.

⭐Age: I feel like I'm 15 years old, I stopped counting at 19 and my friends say that I act like I'm 5 years old XD hahaha ... Nah! I just turned 23 years old this August n_n.

💔 Occupation: Being a universitary girl XD ... Yes! It's so fun! (sarcasm).

🩷 Some things that I love it: Read (I read all kinds of books and about my favorite ships on Ao3! 🤭), cook desserts, listen to music while I do other activities like my homework or when I read, Greek mythology (The love between us will never die! 💗).

⭐Saint Seiya (or Knights of the Zodiac). I found this beautiful serie when I was 7 years old. My favorite is the original serie, although I also like the Lost Canvas a lot and Episode G (because Aioria is the protagonist). Soul of Gold gives me mixed feelings. From Omega and Next Dimension, better don't ask me; my mind lives in denial. My favorite characters are the Golden Saints, especially Aioros and Aioria, being Aioria my super favorite.

Thanks to Saint Seiya I developed a great love for the stars 💫 and I have many scientific books on the subject, as well as books of myths and legends about the constellations ✨.

💥 I'm a Marvel Girl. I love those tormented superheroes and antiheroes. I basically grew up watching Marvel since Iron Man came out in 2008 and I immersed myself fully in the world of the comics, I have a lot of comics and books on my bookshelf 🤭. My favorites are: Iron Man ♥️, Captain America, Spider-Man, Loki, the X-Men, Black Widow and Scarlet Witch, in all their presentations and with all their charms and defects!.

🍿Series: Friends, Full House, The big bang theory, How I met your mother and How I met your father, Modern Family, Mom, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel... I love it K-Dramas like Goblin: The lonely and great God, Crash landing on you, Tale of the Nine Tailed 😋, I have also watched many animes like Sailor Moon, Ouran High School Host Club, Toradora, Code Geass, Inuyasha, Kaleido Star, Shaman King, Attack on Titan... it's a long list and I don't remember everything at this moment 🤔. Miraculous Ladybug (I know it's for kids, but ... there is Chat Noir 🖤).

🐉In my House of the Dragon era 🖤: Like many people, I was also terribly disappointed with the horrible ending of Game of Thrones, but I really loved Fire and Blood when I read it in 2020... so I decided to give the serie a chance when I saw the first trailer... and I don't regret it! 🥳. I liked Daemon and Rhaenyra so much in the book and absolutely loved them in the TV Show! (Matt and Emma are incredible! ❣️). Another character that I loved in the book and the one I always wanted to know more about was Jacaerys Velaryon and I must say that I am very pleased with the choice of Harry Collett 😍 (oh yeah baby! 🔥).

I really hope that the directors and writers do justice to this wonderful crown prince! 🥰, because for me he is already one of my favorite characters of all time! ❣️.

🎥 Favorite Movies: Troy 2004 (did I mention I'm a Greek mythology lover?), the Star Wars saga 💫 (1-6 only), The Great Gatsby, A Walk to Remember, Harry Potter 🪄 (books and movies), The Lord of the Rings trilogy and the Hobbit trilogy, The Hunger Games saga ❣️(books and movies), The Twilight saga 😊 (books and movies).

I love Studio Ghibli movies with all my heart 💗 since my dad bought me the movie of Kiki Delivery Service when I was a 6-year-old little girl.

I love everything Disney and Pixar does 💗😘. (think of the happiest things, It's the same as having wings! 🎶)

🎧 Music: I have a very varied taste in music, some would say strange 😅, but if I like the rhythm and lyrics of the song I will surely add it to my playlist (mainly I like rock), AC / DC, Queen, Guns N' Roses, Bon Jovi, Linkin Park, Evanescence, Within Temptation, Imagine Dragons, Beyoncé, Ed Sheeran, Lana del Rey, Taylor Swift and Katy Perry. I enjoy classical music too 🩷.

⭐ Something more about me: I am an inveterate dreamer and extremely perfectionist. I express myself better by writing than talking 😚.

I haven't drawn anything in almost 5 years and when I did I used to draw with traditional media (watercolor, charcoal, colored pencils, gouche and acrylic paints 🖌️).

But since October (from last year), when I saw Harry Collett as Prince Jacaerys, I felt a desire to draw that I hadn't felt in a long time ❣️.

This is my first time trying to draw in digital media, I hope you like what you see! 😘 (YouTube tutorials don't fail me now! 😭). I spent the whole summer practicing🥺.

P.S: Sorry if exist some error, the english is not my firts lenguage.

[myfaveisfuckable]

Rants!

Jane/Amelia: Ok my love for this ship started a million years ago with this video:

But seriously they are so much fun. Amelia is one of the few people smart enough to keep up with Jane and challenge her, and Jane is one of the few people so consistently principled that Amelia would actually be able to trust her and let her guard down. Amelia is the Captain who can take Jane wherever she wants to go to perform her research, and they get to open doors for each other. Plus let's be real, Jane hooking up with an alien sounds 100% right that girl is not capable of having a vanilla relationship.

Hope Diyoza/Echo: Listen barely anyone even watched the last season of that show, most of us sapphics lost interest post Lexa but it's such a tragedy. My girl Hope is only in that season and so many people dislike her 8( anyway the fandom immediately agreed that Hope was a lesbian and then Echo entered her storyline and fam. How the writers didn't see it is beyond me. It's been almost three years and it's looking like I'm never gonna get over them. "You must think I'm so weak..." - 'No. The opposite." Hhhh and Hope killing for Echo when she wasn't even able to do that for her father figure. Oh god and "How could you let her do this!?" - "Because I want her to." My little babies off to (attempt to) commit genocide :') other highlights include some cowards not wanting to ship Hope with her aunt's brother's ex-girlfriend (there was time fuckery involved, they're close in age when they meet, also who cares?? the CHEMISTRY), Echo Spy Shenanigans TM and the fact that I still want to write that Mamma Mia AU every time I hear an abba song. Lord help me now I want to rewatch s7 for them again

(second submission from the same person)

Hi hello sorry if this is a double submission I don't remember if i submitted them or dreamt it shout out to my adhd. ANYWAY Hope and Echo ruined my life back in 2020 literally thought about them 24/7 from june until October. Picture this: feral girl child of two terrorists who was isolated her whole life, literally nearly alone on a planet for 20yrs and has only truly known exactly 3 people ever and then matured through trauma trauma ptsd trauma and is now determined as All Fuck to go rescue her mother and aunt figure meets ex child soldier master spy redeemed antagonist who only learned what feelings are and how to deal with them a few years ago who is determined to go save her lame ass bf who is bein held in the same place as the other girl's mum and aunt. They join forces and train together and teach each other everything they know and get matching haircuts (this is canon look it up I'm obsessed). The first time Hope kills somebody is to save Echo's life; the first unfamiliar person Echo hugs and comforts is Hope. They invade a planet with their science nerd friend and enable each others genocidal tendencies so bad I love them ♡ after that whole ordeal goes wrong which includes Echo's shitty bf dumping her so she can't keep him from torturing their friend (notably not because of the attempted genocide lol) they are like each other's go to human at all times... until the 100 writers once again show their incapability of writing sapphic stories by forcing Hope to kiss a man who she met literally like a week ago (her and Echo have known each other for 5yrs at that point, there is time fuckery involved) and who would have been a great bestie for her. Boo! Hope is a lesbian! Every queer person who watched s7 agrees! Anyway after she show ends Hope and her boo realise that this is absolutely not what they want and Hope and Echo get to slow burn their way into what they were always meant to be and would have been if the writers had gone with actor chemistry over what they wanted to write from the start. I'm kidding Echo needed time to grieve her shit bf first but like I said. Eventually they got together and they lived happily ever after. Check the Echope tag on tumblr if you wanna see them, a fic rec for their dynamic could be "otherwise sensible women" by penguinofprose ao3. Sorry if I ranted too much thenksies if you read this far mwah :*

[aprillikesthings]

HELLO EVERYONE

it is Thursday night which means it's my weekend which means IT'S SHE-RA TIME

On a related note a bunch of the stuff for my cosplay (like, clothes) gets here tomorrow and then I can put it all together and look in front of the mirror and make weird noises at myself and take terrible selfies, so stay tuned for that yeah? Yeah!

OKAY

I'M STARTING SEASON FIVE oh god

s5 ep1 Horde Prime

My semi-frequent reminder that these are a re-watch, spoilers ahoy, I make a lot of dumb jokes

I'm going to tRY to scale back on how much of the episodes I like, describe. Those last two eps of s4 I ended up just telling the whole thing, to the point of copy/pasting a shit-ton of dialogue from the damn fan transcripts.

BUT THERE WAS SO MUCH LORE AND STORY AND SHIT and I want to remember everything uggghhhhh

okay I just noticed the rating, and I can't screenshot it bc it disappears when I pause, but the show is rated for age 7 and up and says "fantasy violence, fear"

Fear??? I mean that's...not wrong. But it feels like a weird way of wording it?

This was pretty, but then the damn Horde Prime ships showed up.

you broke the sword, girly

(for good reason! but still. also the music actually starts the little rah-rah transformation tune and then cuts off)

I hate it when creepy dudes watch me via bot soldiers

I remember reading that there are parts of the intro that change multiple times across this season, and I know Daci and I just skipped the intro every time when we marathoned this season back in 2020, so I'm watching them all this time, and

O_O

And she's not She-Ra! Just Adora!

the shards of Narsil....wait wrong fantasy story

Ohhhh they're all hiding under some kind of invisibility/protection shield constantly maintained by sorcerers. That makes sense.

ALSO I remember noticing this the first time, but you can tell they got a higher budget this season.

ugggh let it go

Everyone else says the same thing lol (along with "literally we can't because we don't have She-Ra anymore")

Adora's obviously still engaging in her self-sacrificial bullshit and Perfuma's like "no u gotta take ppl with u" but then

NOT. HELPING.

I mean Glimmer's room on the ship is nice (if sterile and too brightly-lit) but oof

oh, are you also lonely? do you also long for someone at least a little familiar? Hm????

;_;

Horde Prime just like "yo my bro hated your guts when I showed up lol did u know that"

(referring to the Heart of Etheria) yeah sweetie that's not gonna save your ass for long

He's so fucking creepy!!

Also I know they were inspired by megachurches and conservative Christian stuff when making Horde Prime's ship, but the music here even sounds kind of like an organ!

(...which is funny when you remember that megachurches usually have, like, rock bands)

Stop doing your self-sacrificial bullshit....without us!!

Does anyone else always wonder what they use for bathrooms?? The ones in the Fright Zone didn't have obvious restrooms either. Anyway.

So I know people were shipping Glitra for obvious reasons before this season but this whole storyline was just fucking great on that front lol

But also look at how fucking SMUG she is!

bahaha the "how's it going, Princess?" line is said almost as unnecessarily sexy as the "hey, Adora" thing

HAH. Glimmer is RIGHT.

Catra: nah man I'mma kick my ass to the top like I did last time Glimmer: u will get crushed like a BUG you DIPSHIT Clones: COME TO DINNER

oh sure, NOW you're looking at her for sympathy pfft

Clone: PRAISE THE LORD Everyone else: oh please shut the fuck up

("April aren't yOU Christian" yes but like, not that kind.)

Who else read A Wrinkle in Time? Remember that meal they had on Camazotz where everything tasted like sand to Meg because she was the only one who was completely resistant to the hypnotism bullshit IT did? Anyway that's what I'm reminded of.

the little she-ra doll :(

Even Catra's not thrilled to see this. (That or she saw Scorpia fighting and feels guilty)

When says "Adora," Catra scratches the table

GLIMMER GOD DAMMIT (but also look at poor Catra's face)

OH RIGHT because if he knows this he has no reason to keep Catra around.

But she can't stop looking at the screen where Adora just was ahahah

YOU COULDN'T DO IT ALONE BEFORE

lol Bow says it. "You're not alone. You've never been." But he's nicer about it than me.

Catra: oooh, princesses and their *~feelings~* Horde Prime: lol you're not any better

I am actively resisting the urge to make a BBC Sherlock reference. IYKYK.

"Adora means something to you." 👀

His little speech about "you Etherians are all alike, such strong connections to each other...it's what makes you weak," is such a great way of contrasting him to the actual Good Guys. Empathy and compassion, caring for others--those aren't weaknesses!

But if your goal is ruthlessly destroying everything in the universe for your own power, then yeah, they would be.

And of course, Catra does think her connections to others is what makes her weak, at this point in the story.

augh

"Now that I know about She-Ra and the weapon, what purpose do I have for you? Your little ploy of parsing out information like a bartering chip was never going to last long out here... I see all. I know all. But fear not. I have great plans for you. Every part of the machine is of value. Even you...little sister."

AAUGH

(and that's why the rating for this show warns for "fear" lol)

And then Adora has one of her weird dreams about She-Ra and shattering the sword but while awake, and clearly it pains her--and then she passes out, end of episode.

Anyway I managed to make it all fit in one post but only barely, I had to go back and delete a few, lol

TBH I should probably just assume these are all gonna be two-parters, there's so much plot.

[iffoundreturntosea]

May 28, Day 148/149

Day 148 2015

My set is complete! Can't wait to have a place to hang them!

#jellyfish #colors #seacreatures #picoftheday #project365 #day148

Funny, I've had my own place for 2 years and still have hung these. I think it's because my photography has gotten so much better than when I took these.

Day 149 2016

Sister took me to my first Jimmy Buffett concert.

#sisters #jimmybuffett #concert #party #smile #brights #colors #shadesoftherainbow #may #picoftheday #project365 #day149

Also my last. I'm not a huge fan of crowds and this one was a little much but I'm glad I went the one time. No regrets.

Day 148 2017

You've Got a Friend in Me

#friends #likefamily #love #smile #lookingood #youvegotafriendinme #randynewman #songs #music #may #picoftheday #project365 #day148

Missing all my friends lately. Watching Sherlock for the first time currently and he reminds me so much of this friend! Ha

Day 148 2018

In remembrance

#create #imagine #rememberthefallen #america #americanflag #flag #memorialday #kaleidoscope #may #picoftheday #project365 #day148

Day 148 2019

I had 2 choices today: burger or brisket so I went with fried cheese 🤤 There's a burger there...

#food #yum #sonic #friedcheese #mozzarellasticks #burger #nationalburgerday #may #may28 #2019 #nationalday #nationaldaycalendar #picoftheday #project365 #day148

Oh dear lord, I am totally triggered and want fried mozzarella sticks so badly now!

Day 149 2020

Tea time

#delicate #white #flowers #daffodils #whitedaffodils #drink #smelltheflowers #macro #closeup #snail #may #may28 #2020 #picoftheday #project365 #day149

So cute!

Day 148 2021

Do you know what this is?

#nature #outdoors #flower #yellow #orange #red #color #pollen #pretty #may #may28 #2021 #picoftheday #project365 #day148

Day 148 2022

Been awhile since eye've done this 👁

#eye #closeup #niece #iris #lashes #may #may28 #2022 #picoftheday #project365 #day148

Day 148 2023

Gave them the day off.

#busyday #memorialdayweekend #workin #longday #getoutside #seemore #seetoomuch #may #may28 #2023 #picoftheday #project365 #day148

Day 149 2024

Close up of palm leaves 🏝

#closeup #dailytheme #palmleaves #lines #green #may #may28 #2024 #picoftheday #project365 #day149

[chimerafflesia]

Top 5 90's/2000's anime?

it was so hard for me to choose I wish I could recommend all my favorite anime forever. but I picked out a few that stand out for me

5. obligatory Fullmetal Alchemist 2003 mention because it was my first anime ever. although many will say brotherhood is the way to go I am always gonna vouch for '03 because it's unique and amazing in its own right. fma as a whole means a lot to me but '03 specifically will always have a spot in my heart because it introduced me to anime as a whole. edward elric pioneered the way. for what? just everything I think.

4. TRIGUN BABY!!!! lord I love this series so much. the original trigun anime deserves to be in a hall of fame. should be in all of them actually. banger character designs banger story banger dub I could go on. I originally watched trigun back in february 2021 and then rewatched it to cleanse after trigun stampede (lots of feelings about that one) and it's just so unbelievable. I will die for the dub version I will argue it's the best way to watch it. dub knives lives on in my brain always. trigun is simply the best.

3. Naruto the life altering shonen series. I watched it for the first time back in 2020 and went on a year long spiral with it (I still love it infinitely to this day) it's just. I can't even explain it it's one of those if you've experienced it you know anime. yes it's so mainstream yes it's goofy and easy to make fun of but god that shit changed my life hardcore. I met so many wonderful people through it and i'm forever grateful that I watched all 700+ episodes of it. also my good friend sasuke is in there. who would I be if not for sasuke.

2. GOKUDO. ONE OF MY FAVORITE ANIME THAT NOBODY HAS HEARD OF. A 1999 CLASSIC THAT WENT TRIPLE PLATINUM IN MY HOUSE. I found it through a random youtube video of all things and when I looked at the dub cast it had a ton of people I was already familiar with so I gave it a watch and Oh My God. ITS SUCH A FUN SERIES. it's an adventure series and the main bit is that the MC is more an an antihero than a hero but it's just such a silly and fun show with a lot of kickass characters with great designs. I literally bought this show on DVD because I wanted to own it forever. I don't wanna spoil too much of it but. my final message to the world: everyone please watch gokudo I don't want to be the only fan of it anymore. most underrated gem of all time.

1. Yu Yu Hakusho. my favorite battle shonen of all time changed my life changed the world i've watched and read it and it just doesn't get old. the chapter black arc is in my top 3 anime arcs of all time. unbelievably great worldbuilding and storytelling togashi is just a genius. the anime is so striking and has such a wonderful feel to it and the soundtrack is killer. I always recommend it for ppl wanting to get into shonen/anime in general. massively impactful for me personally. love it to death.

[mockerycrow]

So we all are gay here, what's your story for knowing you're also into women?? In my case it was 2013/2014 and i had a crush on either ellie (tlou) or matoi ryuko (kill la kill) when i was still in middle school .it was...i gotta say interesting because i saw these girls and went "oh if i were a boy i would treat you SO right" i didnt know that ellie a lesbian back then despite alr watching the dlc too (ig thats for growing up in an anti lgbt society) and i came to a realization that she's actually!!! Into girls??? And exclusively girls???? I HAVE A CHANCE!!! Thats like 3 or 4 years after which around 2016/2017 😭 (also in the year 2014 i knew right away I'm a bisexual but imagine not being able to talk abt it to anyone for years until i found my queer friends in hs, also still a bit of internalized homophobia oh lord)

Fast forward to 2020, we all graduated hs 2 year ago, well into 2 years into uni, and iirc i reconnected w a hs friend on instagram who was infamously known being borderline lesbian (she didn't know that yet at the time) and also the society we're in so religious and she came from a religious family AND LOOK WHERE SHE IS NOW SHE'S MY GF!!! It's amazing how same hobbies reconnected ppl that it was their own love story

(sorry if this too personal i have no one to talk abt this beside my rlly queer circle and they alr know us we all in the same hs afterall 😔)

- 🛼

okay so, the funny thing is—I knew I liked girls before I liked boys. I’ve always known I’ve liked women, it was never a big “aha” moment or anything, and when i figured out i also liked boys, it’s was just a “cool… anyways—“ moment LMAO

I would play moviestarplanet and pretend to be a boy to date girls, I would do that on every game possible. Ellie was one of my first video game crushes!

i’m bisexual w/ a strong preference for women, but i also heavily identify with the label queer, so i go back and forth. i’ve never had any experiences with women unfortunately:( just 2 men. hoping to have a girl come into my life and make the first move!!

and i know it’s bad, but i lowkey want that.. homoerotic situationship with another girl if that makes sense. kisses and praise behind closed doors but in public, we’re just friends. and if it develops into a relationship? yipee!!!!

i identified as a lesbian for a couple of years due to realizing that i liked girls first, then i liked 2 guys, broke it off with one of them years later and now i’m realizing that i heavily prefer women. sometimes i think i might be a lesbian, but then i’ll see an attractive man at the gym or something, there’s a lot of unresolved stuff internally but i’ll figure it out!

edit: this may be a shock to y’all, but i don’t really have friends LMAOO i stick to myself. i enjoy these talks

[neuro-gal-thoughts]

As I Descend Into the Youtube Hair Oil Rabbit Hole

I love hair care days.

A day in which washing my hair joins in on my daily shower routine.

The hair washing isn't the real hair care. Not really.

It's the process that happens after I shower.

Don't blow dry your hair with hair that's too wet! Spritz some water if it feels too dry from air drying a bit too long.

Hair oils that double as heat protectants <3

Lovely smelling hair protectant sprays.

And then the blow out.

Lord, goodness oh me, oh my. It's just so nice to get in the zone and focus on blow drying one section of my hair as I half pay attention to a Youtube video I can't even hear. (Subtitles on, but I'm too busy looking at my hair and blowdryer to be watching a video about the best drugstore hair oils).

Watching my damp wide curls pull flat against my boar haired round brush. Baby hairs flying wildly against my forehead as I blast the hot hair from my newly purchased hair dryer onto my hair.

A girlish joy fills me up when I reach the ends and they curl perfectly into dark ringlets.

Followed by carefully rolling my hair up in my brightly colored velcro hair rollers. Clipped down by metal hair pins.

Left section first. Then right. And then the most important section of all, the top of my head, where the biggest hair rollers go.

And the process continues after about an hour of doing chores (or catching up to friends via texts or DMs).

Taking the rollers out to see my hair curling so pretty and so shiny! The major volume given to the roots of my hair! A joy that makes me proud to have taken my time to learn how to take care of my hair.

I still have a long way to go. My flyaways/baby hairs just will not stay still. I'm still not great at sectioning. I still don't know how to completely have frizz-free hair, especially since I have so many baby hairs (TMI: personal theory that I lost a lot of hair due to 2020 - 2022(?) COVID times in which I also lost my job in the middle of all that).

It just feels nice to see my hair looking in such a way in which I can say is pretty or girly. Feminine.

All that time not only literally working on my hair but also taking the time to learn. Buying the right tools. Researching products and techniques. Figuring out what works for me and what doesn't.

It's a nice payoff to have my hair feeling soft, looking bouncy, and smelling floral and slightly sweet. In recent times, I'm also glad to see bald patches disappearing as baby hairs grow. Feel a scalp free from scabs when I run my fingers through it.

But as of late (like, literally a few days ago), I've begun to wonder and accept that a lot of this - a lot of the feminine performance - is more than my repressed childhood desires to live out the femininity I'd been denied (by my mom, sister, community, society, peers, myself) but also an acceptance that yes, I can, in fact be pretty.

I can do the undervalued hard work of creating art and texture and technique and craft and literal labor onto my hair. I can walk around and look like my hair is effortlessly shiny and bouncy.

I feel more confident when I feel like I have good hair. And it's more than just that it looks good.

It's also the proud feeling that my hard work paid off. It also means I can spend the next 3-4 days not worrying about washing and drying my hair. Shorter showers. Shorter hair care maintenance.

And my hair remains looking and feeling good for the next few days.

It's been a long time coming with my hair care journey.

But I'm starting to look forward to the day in which I don't want to do this whole routine.

In which I feel perfectly fine that my hair isn't shiny and long and full of wondeful smelling expensive oils and sprays.

Knowing that I can perform femininity and be good at it.

But also knowing that I don't need it to be feminine.

To be human.

To be worthwhile just as I am.