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#I'm used to never seeing anything I like in these stores
romanarose · 1 day
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Happy Birthday, Joel
Trans!Joel Miller x m!reader
Summary: No one really knows Joel. Not the way you do.
Warnings: Uhhhhhh being closeted trans? I guess breif use of dead name, but for me personally the name I was born with doesnt bother me, and I have a few trans friends who feel the same, so I'm not gonna dance around it.
Immersivity: Reader is amab and male
A/N: This is for my dead @justagalwhowrites Joel's birthday celebration! I chose the gender swap, and even though it's not neccecarily gender swap because gender is gender, this is a pre-transition Joel Miller. I paired it with friends to lovers <3 I've seen at least one person talk about trans Joel as a concept and I love it! Below I'll have other trans concepts of mine liked
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No one understood him like you did.
He was your best friend, and you were the only person he trusted enough to tell you his secret.
Melissa Miller was a man.
"What about Felix?" You ask him, flipping through a book of names they had gotten at the book store. The clerk treated them like they were expecting a baby, so happy and bubbly and asked when they were expecting. You didn't blame her, honestly.
In 1979, it was in vogue to have short hair, certainly not anything shocking even if the fashion was Ferrah Faucet style, long silky mousy brown hair, or afros. When he cut his hair into a pixie, Mrs. Miller lost her shit and called him a lesbian but that was just Mrs. Miller. He still looked feminine, even if you didn't see him that way. To you, he was a man.
He cringed. "Do I look like a twink to you?"
That made you laugh. "No, no you do not." He still looked more effeminate, but more like a tomboy girl than anything. Some curves for sure, even though he wore a tight sports bra most days. That should've been your first clue. While most girls were trying to make their chest bigger, he was trying to reduce it. Still, he worked on a farm, had muscles that matched his strength. Even before he came into his own with his muscles, he always had more of a straight body type which you loved.
"Give me another"
You were trying out name ideas. It was getting exhausting never referring to him as anything. Not that you could call him anything in public, but there were moments... stolen glances, little touches, times when you thought maybe is feelings for you matched yours for him.
"Theod-"
"Absolutly not."
You slam the book shut, watching him lay on the grass... it was his birthday, 20th to be expect, and he had wanted to just spend it out of the farm with you, so you packed a picnic. Still, birthday or not he was driving you insane.
"You said you liked old names!"
"Not ones that sound like some rich British asshole!"
You groan, watching him laugh as he sprawled out. Jean, flannel, tee shirt... all baggy of course. Despite the sports bra, you could see the swell of his tits.
He peaks up at you. "Well, get on with it!"
"Fiiiiine" Only because it was his birthday. And because picking a name with him seemed special, sacred. and it was his birthday. And because you loved him.
You reopen your book. "Abel?"
He seems to mull it over. "Hmmm. I like it...."
"But it's just not right, is it?"
He shakes his head. "Nah, but it's close."
You skim the names over, flipping through, skipping chunks, trying to find something that fit YOUR friend. He deserved the best.
"What about Joel?"
There was silence. "Joel... Joel Miller... wow.... I really like that. Rolls off the tongue." You watch the smile spread across his face. He sits up. "Joel Miller. Do you think it fits me?"
You're smiling back. "It really does. I think it's perfect. I mean, we can keep look-"
"No!" He cuts you off but this time you arent annoyed. He's bubbling with joy, giddy as he bounces in his spot. "I love it."
"Joel it is then!"
You don't see it coming when he kisses you. As quickly as it started, he pulls away. "Shit. Shit, I'm fuck'n sorry man, I just got-"
You grab his flannel and pull him back to you, kissing him deeper now. Joel's body submits to you immediately, melting into your touch and humming as you lay him down on the grass.
"Wanted you for so long..." You murmur into his mouth, not daring to pull away. "My man..."
He smiles against your skin. "Your man?"
"Mine, and mine only." You settle your knee between his legs, hearing Joel whimper. He was far from a blushing virgin, you knew. Many a man had taken him to bed before he realized what he was. But none of them understood him like you. None of them knew Joel Miller. You touch him, avoiding his chest you knew he didn't like attention drawn to, and feeling the muscles on his stomach. He was your man.
"Happy birthday, Joel"
*********
I hope you likey!!!!! I've been enjoying writing some trans content and i hope you do too!!!!
Here are some others ive done
About a Girl series: Joel meets reader, not realizing at first she's trans. All about acceptance, queer issues, family, found family, love, kindness.
You'd love me if i was a worm, would you love me if i was a man?: reader comes out to Santi
Joel take a strap: Joel's husband is a transman, and he finds a strap
Big Boys Dont Cry: Trans Santi Trans Reader smut
thank you all!!!
I've considered doing something with the trans logan stuff I've seen.... anyone in?
Tagging those i thought might enjoy!
@my-secret-shame @beefrobeefcal @pedge-page @for-a-longlongtime @crowandmousewritingco
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Shibajuku Girls: The Return?
Soooooooooo I've been debating whether to post about this at all because I doubt anyone will find it very interesting, but doll gossip is thin on the ground these days and I'm not quite ready to go to bed yet, so eff it let's go--
Alright so, those of you who follow these things may remember back during this year's Toy Fair it was announced that for some inexplicable reason the Shibajuku Girls doll line was planning a comeback. For reference: These 13" dolls from the Australian toy company Hunter Products originally turned up on shelves in the US back in the mid-2010's, to a fairly lackluster reception. Between their unusually high price point ($30-$35, a good deal above the average for fashion dolls at the time) and the fact that they are a rather blatant knock-off of Pullips, no one seemed to be that into them. In a way with their hair play gimmick (a lot of charms and hair clips) meant to interest children in Japanese street fashion I suppose one could see them as a precursor of the Decora Girlz, albeit with far lazier and less successful execution. I did end up buying one--Yoko--for the big head collection, and she's...fine, if forgettable. I like having her in the mix for variety, but I could never quite work up the enthusiasm to get another. The demise of ToysRUs around the time of their release probably didn't help matters any, as it was one of the few places that stocked them. These dolls lingered on the shelves of my local Target seemingly forever, before quietly disappearing to absolutely no fanfare.
But to bring it back to Toy Fair 2024--
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For reasons that NO ONE I've heard speak on the subject can quite understand, seemingly out of nowhere Hunter Toys showed up at Toy Fair this year with a display of older dolls from the first two waves of Shibajuku, plus a wall of these mock-ups for a projected third series of anime-inspired characters. If you look closely at the 'prototype photos' in the boxes--not actual dolls--they appear to literally just be restyled Pullips. A lot of people (myself included) speculated that they may have put the money into creating a new head sculpt that more closely replicated the doll this line was always made to emulate, and the lack of actual dolls in boxes was a sign that this Shibajuku 2.0 head had yet to go into production in time for the event.
Turns out--no. That's not what they did at all. So--
A few days ago through a series of random browsing encounters I stumbled across listings for two of the five proposed 'Shibajuku Anime' dolls on Walmart's website. They are showing up as out of stock, but if you put them on your wishlist you can add them to your cart from there (though not check out), which is a pretty sure indication that they're expected in stock online and in stores soon.
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So...what to say about these. First of all they quite obviously have the same old Shibajuku face. The fashions have considerably less detail than the prototype photos, which in itself I'd be willing to forgive for reasons I'll get to in a minute, but the main thing that overwhelmingly stands out to me here is that Kiki, one of the two characters shown with a darker complexion in the mock-ups, has gone from having tan skin and white hair to pale skin and black hair. Which, yeah no fuck that. No way of knowing if this was the brand's decision or a specific request from Walmart, but whichever way you slice it, it sucks. Lack of diversity was a huge issue with the first iteration of this line, and after the promise of a course correct it looks like we're back to more of the same. I will definitely be bending a critical eye on them to see if the other dark-skinned character, Sakura, receives a similar whitewashing :/
Now, with that rant out of my system, is there anything good to say? Well, the price, for one. These are set to retail for $19.98, which is significantly below what they sold for originally. No doubt the lower quality fashions and lack of accessories have a lot to do with it, but on the whole I'd say it's a plus. Also...as much as as I would have loved to see the ensuing drama if they had had the audacity to churn out a more blatant Pullip clone, for continuity's sake if nothing else I'm glad they stuck with the old face. She's a weird little bird and despite it all she deserves her place in the wider family of Big Head dolls, however derivative that might be (I mean, if anything Pullip needs MORE clones, Blythe has such a start on her in that arena....).
And finally (FINALLY) to wrap things up--will I be buying one? Perhaps surprisingly--yes! I plan to order Akira when she becomes available to ship. I think she's decently cute--you all know my bias for green hair--and I have a purely academic curiosity to compare her to my 'classic' Shibajuku. Plus, despite all my dismissive snark, I would actually like to see this relaunch be successful. I'm always in favor of diversity in the doll market, and this particular type of doll has been sadly under-represented of late. There is plenty room on the shelves for more big head girlies! MGA is daily signing that real estate away at an increasingly rapid pace XD My hope is that they do well enough to warrant the release of the other three dolls from the proposed new line-up, and that maybe--MAYBE--if the Dolly Gods are kind we will see Sakura with her original dark skin tone, as intended.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee ok that's enough sleep-procrastinating for one night, I'm done. If anyone else cares about this at all I'm sincerely curious to hear your thoughts.
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thatgirlwithasquid · 2 days
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letters that i can never send
words: 25,571
Chrissy/Tina | Teen and Up Audiences | POV Tina | Ghost Chrissy Cunningham | Letters | Right Person Wrong Time | Unhappy Ending
beyond excited to get to share my fic for @sapphicstevents' stranger things sapphic mini bang!! writing it definitely fought me for a while but i'm really proud of this fic.
so here's the first chapter and a cover i threw together to post it with! the whole fic is up on ao3 here, and @hullomoon has been amazing and created a podfic of the work for anyone interested in listening <3
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Chapter 1 : A Pack Of Green Scrunchies
words: 5,739
June 20th, 1986
Dear Chrissy,
I wish I had known you before everything went mad. 
I think I told you that before, but I mean it now more than I meant it then. It feels so crazy to think that we went through school walking past each other in the halls and not even glancing in each other’s direction. I know that I did the same thing to other kids but it still feels impossible.
My mom took me out to the mall the other day—there’s a mall in this town, not like the destroyed one in Hawkins. It’s full of people and stores and it's loud. I didn’t like it. I always used to find it annoying how quiet Hawkins was sometimes, but I hate how loud it is here. There’s too many people talking and smiling and I can’t see them without thinking about how oblivious I was before I met you.
They were selling scrunchies in one of the stores. My mom was looking for a new purse but I stopped to look at them instead. I bought a pack of green ones because they made me think of you. I wonder if that’s what you would smell like; cotton fabric and lingering perfume from my wrist.
I miss you. 
Tina.
The lights in the hospital waiting room hum with an electric static. Even under all the anxious chatter and background noise of the hospital, it’s the only thing Tina can hear. Well, that and the fading ringing in her ears.
Her hands clench and unclench around the hem of her shirt as she watches the minutes tick by. Beside her, her dad’s leg bounces up and down. She’s not sure if he’s aware of her watching him. The man stares ahead down the crowded hall through the chaos as if her mother will suddenly appear there, good as new.
Tina doesn’t say anything, just reaches out and entwines their fingers, letting out a sigh of relief as her father squeezes her hand back. She needs his strength to lean on. It doesn’t matter that, rationally, Tina knows her mother’s injuries from the earthquake were far from the most severe that came through those hospital doors today.
She’s never been more scared than she was when her dad came stumbling out of the rubble, shirt bloodied and with her mom’s arm over his shoulder to support her weight. Tina had been so frantic that she can’t even remember if her mother had been conscious at that point. She was out cold during the drive to the hospital, though; the sounds of ambulances and firetrucks and police cars responding to the destruction weren’t even enough to break her from her state. Her father had somehow remained stoic then, too.
Thankfully, it’s not too much longer before a nurse lets them visit her mom. After hours of waiting, they’re more than ready to see how she’s doing. 
With all the trouble caused during the disaster, her mom is crammed into a room with other people, separated only by a flimsy curtain. Around them, the relieved reconciliation of other patients and their families fade into the background as Tina reaches her mother’s side and grasps at her hand where it lays atop her blankets. 
IVs poke into her skin and wires trail off to monitors she doesn’t even begin to want to look at. Instead, Tina focuses her gaze on her mom’s weary face. She looks tired, eyes rimmed with dark circles that are only accentuated by the pale colouring of her skin. But she seems okay, all things considered, and Tina sighs out in a relieved whoosh of breath.
The nurse goes over her mom’s condition with her dad, but Tina hardly takes in a word—the moment the nurse confirms that her mom will be okay, she tunes her out entirely. Instead, Tina drinks in the sight of her mom, brushing a careful thumb over her scraped knuckles and almost tearing up when her mom gives her a small smile in return.
Eventually, the nurse hurries off again and Tina’s dad slumps into a chair beside the bed. Tina barely glances his way, too scared to look away from her mom, convinced that if she so much as takes her eyes off her, something terrible will happen again.
“Tina,” her mom sighs. “I’m okay. You don’t need to look so worried.”
Tina shakes her head.
“I was so scared,” she manages, voice cracking under the tears she spent so long suppressing. They finally rush down her face in a flood of emotion, tasting salty where they converge in the corners of her mouth.
“Oh, baby,” her mom says, voice softening. “It’s going to be okay now, okay? Why don’t you go and get some rest, you look exhausted.”
Tina can’t help but laugh at that, an ironic, choking thing. “I look exhausted?”
“Well,” her mom smiles before shifting slightly and doing her best to smother a wince. “I’m already laying down and getting rest. I’m more worried about you.”
Guilt stabs Tina’s heart like a blade. Her mom’s the one in a hospital bed, with doctors and nurses hovering around outside to help if needed, and yet Tina’s the one acting like the world’s weighing down on her shoulders. It’s shameful in its own way. 
Tina always thought she was strong enough to be her parents’ equal. She did well enough in school and had plenty of friends; her parents saw how grown up she was and even helped her plan her Halloween parties; her mom told her everything—every annoying thing someone at work said, every snippy little complaint about her dad forgetting to hang the washing out…
And here she is now. Comforting Tina like she’s a little kid in need of a nap and not a seventeen-year-old who should be better than this. So, she shakes her head, plastering on a smile even as her eyes sting with another wave of tears and, admittedly, exhaustion.
Before she can put up much protest, her dad pipes up to agree with her mom. It doesn’t leave enough room for anything more than Tina going along with what they want. Her dad almost follows before he hesitates, catching her mom’s eye. She nods back at him.
“Why don’t you see about finding some dinner for us two? I won’t be far behind you, I just need to have a talk with your mom.”
What is Tina supposed to do about that other than leave? She’s obligated to listen to her parents, even if she wants to stay. Besides, she’s sure she’ll be visiting her mom as often as she can until she’s discharged. 
So, it’s fine. All this is fine.
When she gets to the door, Tina turns and looks back at her parents one last time. With all the other people talking in the room, she can’t make out what her parents are discussing. What she can make out is the way her father’s face pinches into a concerned frown. 
Whatever it is they wanted to talk over without her must be serious. Resigned, Tina sets off in search of the cafeteria. It feels strange, pushing on through crowds of the distraught and the injured. Against her better judgement, her eyes catch and linger on the horror around her. 
Nothing will ever be the same after this, not in Hawkins at least. Too much bad has happened, too much to even let herself think about.
By the time her dad finds her in the cafeteria that evening, the dinner that Tina bought them has long since gone cold.
School doesn’t reopen until a week later—a week filled with funerals and clean up and searching for anyone still buried under the rubble. During that time, Tina recovers what she can from her trashed house to cram into some other girl’s bedroom. She should probably count her lucky stars that its usual inhabitant left for college a year ago, otherwise she would be knocking elbows in this little space—seemingly so much smaller than her own room was.
She longs for home: for her corkboard of polaroids of herself and her friends, for each marker line creeping up her door frame dedicated to a year of her life, for her fuzzy blue blanket, and for so many more little comforts that she had taken for granted. Staying here, in someone else’s bedroom while her dad stays on the pull-out downstairs, makes her feel strangely like a jigsaw piece jammed into the wrong puzzle.
There’s nothing to be done about that, with the roof of her house half-collapsed it’s not like they have much choice other than this. She is grateful that her dad’s work friend—Mr. Daniels—took them in, but that doesn’t stop her longing for what she’s lost.
Returning to class brings back none of the normality she longs for, either. Sure, the cracks in the road outside have been hastily paved over for the most part and the classrooms have been deemed safe to return to despite whatever state the earthquake had left them in, but everything has so clearly shifted…
All Tina sees, everywhere she looks, are the empty seats. The ones from kids whose families fled the town are one thing, one type of grief for the friends she’s not sure she’ll ever see again. The rest are something else entirely, vacant seats that will never be filled; those seats offer no question to their absence in Tina’s life.
So far, she has been to eight funerals. Three of them were some of her best friends. She didn’t sleep the nights after any of those. After the last one, she hasn’t been able to bring herself to attend any more; it turns out that there’s only so many bodies you can handle saying goodbye to within such a short period of time.
Mr. Clarke clears his throat, trying to recapture the forlorn attention of the room. Even he can’t seem to muster a genuine smile so Tina doesn’t know how he expects the students to care about any of this. Honestly, she’s surprised the school has even bothered swapping teachers to fill in for staff absences with how little chance they have at passing their exams after all this. If their grief wasn’t enough, having a teacher so clearly unprepared to deal with older kids isn’t going to help them learn at all.
She remembers Mr. Clarke from middle school and almost, very briefly, feels bad for thinking poorly of him. He’d been a nice enough teacher. She’s sure he’s still nice enough, but she just doesn’t have it in her to care about stuff like that anymore. Not after everything. She’s not sure how she fits into this new, broken version of Hawkins; how the hell should she be able to care about how everyone else fits in?
Slowly, the eyes of the class do raise to the man where he stands, squirming at the front of the room, backdropped by the chalkboard covered in scrawled science Tina hasn’t understood a word of. She can’t help but think that their usual teacher would have explained it in a way that made so much more sense to her.
She doesn’t know if that teacher is one of the leavers or worse.
Everyone sits quietly as Mr. Clarke stumbles his way through telling them about the commemorative assembly that is going to be held in the gym. Both schools will be coming together in a few days time to remember their lost friends, or at least that’s the plan.
Silence hangs in the air for another excruciating moment. Then the whispering finally begins. Names get thrown around, ones Tina is sure must belong to the dead.
“Jason,” someone whispers.
“Carol,” says another.
“Nicole—”
The whispering gets cut off abruptly by the scraping of a chair as it’s shoved out from under its desk. Some kid launches himself to his feet and stalks out of the room, eyes red-rimmed. Behind him, the classroom door slams shut on a spluttering Mr. Clarke.
Whispers start up again in the wake of his sudden departure. This time, Tina tunes them out. Instead, she sets her thoughts adrift, steering away from anything too dour to think on. She doesn’t want to deal with this today. They’ve only been back at school for a day. 
She isn’t ready for this yet. It doesn’t feel like there has been nearly enough time for any of them to come to terms with this. How the hell are they going to get through these last two months of school and—
“Tina!”
Blinking back to her senses, Tina looks up, across the lunch table and to whoever called her name. It’s Vicki, looking at her with wide, concerned eyes. She probably should be concerned, Tina can only vaguely recall walking to the cafeteria, she’d been so trapped in her own mind.
“Sorry, what did you say?” she asks.
It’s just the two of them, perched on the edge of a sparsely populated table. Their group used to be a lot bigger.
“I—” Vicki starts, hesitates, and then leverages a painfully forced smile onto her face. “I asked if you figured out what you wanted to do at college yet.”
She wants to wince, to cringe away from the inane topic. It makes her feel sick to pretend that everything is normal. People died, other people got hurt, the town is a mess. Why would they be worrying about stuff like this as if it means anything at all anymore?
“I don’t know. With my mom in the hospital everything’s changed. I haven’t had time to think about it.”
Vicki squirms uncomfortably at her confrontational tone, looking chastised. It makes her deflate a little, feeling suddenly very cruel. Just because Tina doesn’t know how to play at being normal, doesn’t mean she has to be such an ass to her friend over it. She still cares about her and being a bitch is only going to drive a wedge between them. It’s not like she has many friends left after everything, either.
Her hands tremble in her lap and she shakes them out as if that might banish some of her simmering nerves. It doesn’t. With a tense kind of control, Tina pushes up to her feet. Vicki’s eyes swivel up to her, surprised by the abrupt shift.
“Bathroom,” Tina chokes out, trying to tamper down the frustration in her voice.
“Tina…” Vicki starts but Tina is already walking away.
The lighting in the bathroom is dingy and off-putting, and yet the electric buzzing of those fluorescents still puts her in mind of sterile hospital walls. Her mom’s been making a great recovery, she reminds herself. She’ll be home before she knows it. Maybe then everything will start going back to normal.
The porcelain basin of the sink stares, glaringly white up at her as she leans over, splashing her face with metallic-tasting water from the old taps. Her ragged breaths send speckles of water back into it as it drips in trails down her face. She’s probably smudged her makeup now, and it didn’t even help at all.
With a choked sob, Tina turns her face upwards, meeting the paled expression of her reflection; eyes wide, droplets of water clinging to mascara-tinted lashes. But that’s not all she sees.
A sick feeling of horror settles deep in her stomach as she notices something from the corner of her eye—something hovering behind her, in the corner of the bathroom. The room had been empty when she came in. Heart hammering, startled by being snuck up on, Tina whirls around to see—
Nothing.
Just an empty, dingy, school bathroom. The green doors of toilet stalls stare back at her impassively as she clutches a hand to her chest, willing her racing pulse to settle.
It was nothing. It was her mind playing tricks on her. It had to be nothing. Because if not, how could she explain that fleeting glimpse of the ghost of Chrissy Cunningham?
Tina’s pen taps restlessly against the Daniels’ kitchen table, the only sound in the eerily silent house.
Sharing a living space with another family comes with all the chaos one would expect, with each of their routines clashing loudly and incompatibly as they stumble around each other each morning and night. And yet the quiet moments like this are almost worse, when everyone is out working or visiting the hospital or whatever else it is these people do. Aside from Tina, it’s empty. Abandoned, almost, like the rest of this god-forsaken ghost town.
She scratches a frustrated line through her pitiful homework attempt and pushes it away across the table, out of sight and out of mind as she stares distractedly out the window. The chair she sits on creaks as she leans to the side, trying to look out into the street. Usually at this time of the evening, kids would be running around, excited and playing in the warm spring air. Usually parents would be seen and heard, trying to cajole their kids inside for whatever they had cooked up or ordered in for dinner.
Tonight, there is nothing but a creeping sunset that paints the sky a dull pink, like drops of blood diluted in a lake of blue. There is no one finding time to play, and no one enjoying a peaceful evening, and Tina’s parents aren’t here. It’s just her, alone with her anxious mind.
She should be at the hospital, trying her best to be there for her dad and checking in on her mom. But going there again and again felt like poisoning herself, losing herself in worry that would set her heart pounding and mind spiralling. It doesn’t matter to her scared brain that she knows her mom is doing much better, she still can’t help but feel sick with worry.
And she’s so tired. It makes visiting her mom so difficult because her mom gives her this pitiful, concerned look whenever she sees her like this. Tina just can’t take that; being a burden to her parents instead of a place of support. They have nothing to be worried about, really. It— She’s just tired…
She can’t sleep with worrying about if something happened to her mom in the night, or if another earthquake might come to completely level this damn town. And what’s more, her mind hasn’t been able to stray far from the thought of what she saw—or what she thinks she saw—in that damn bathroom. Any time her mind has a chance to wander, her thoughts get inevitably dragged back to that sight.
She had only glimpsed her for a fleeting moment but that had been enough. Enough to see the shape of blood splatters on her cheer uniform and the inhuman pallor of her skin… Now, every sound—every creaking shift of this unfamiliar house, every car driving by, every sudden noise—leaves her jumping, expecting to see something horrific around her as if she’s being tormented by some twisted apparition. She hates it.
She should know better than this, she doesn’t even believe in ghosts! Whatever she saw must just be a trick of the mind. And yet.
With a frustrated groan, Tina pushes her chair out from the table and stands. Sitting around like this is doing her no good, either. It’s like she can’t escape any of this worry for even a second. Or, at least, she can’t when crammed into too-small rooms that have no space for the shape of her grief.
Her loaned keys chime against each other as she snatches them from the countertop. She just needs to get out of the house, walk around and clear her head. Maybe then all this anxiety can start to dissipate and the memory of that hallucination will fade.
Locking the door behind her, Tina wanders off in whatever direction her feet decide to take her. 
The air is clear outside and she hopes that might ease some of the tension that she has been holding, coiled and aching, within her. It’s hard to remember that she doesn’t need to be prepared for something awful to happen, because chances are nothing will.
She wishes she believed that.
Every time she blinks back to awareness, she finds herself on a different stretch of road that she can’t recall making the conscious choice to head to. This walk clearly isn’t doing anything for her. Clear her mind? What a ridiculous idea. How the hell could a place as fucked up as Hawkins bring her any relief, no matter where she might go or what she might do? It’s like the only thing her body knows how to do here anymore is to run on autopilot—to keep her body moving as her thoughts keep on spiralling.
She stills, taking a frustrated breath and at least trying to keep track of where she’s ended up. Her eyes scan her surroundings, taking note of how the efforts to fix up the town haven't reached this far yet, great deep cracks still clear and precariously crisscrossing the roads, splitting the asphalt open to reveal the exposed bowels of the earth.
It’s not something she’s that surprised by. Ahead of her, the road turns off into the trailer park. It makes sense that no one has prioritised fixing up things around here. With the abandoned yellow streamers of police tape, catching and glinting in the golden hour, it’s only too easy to remember what happened here all too recently.
Tina cringes at the sight of them, dancing in the gentle breeze like they don’t know what they mean. Like they don’t know a girl was massacred inside that place. Still, she can’t quite tear her eyes away. For a long, breathless moment, she just stares, caught in the bone-deep wrongness of that place. And then, like ice slithering down her spine, a stomach-churning feeling of horror settles upon her. It takes a hold in her chest before she even realises the cause of it.
Just barely visible from this far away, lingering in the window of the Munson’s trailer, is the shape of a person, standing stock-still. The longer she stares, breaths shallow and fast under the weight of that settling dread, the more the distant shape seems to resemble a girl, its silhouette becoming more convincingly feminine as that agonising second draws out longer and longer, running on forever as her gaze refuses to budge from the sight.
It’s like time has stopped. 
Tina doesn’t realise she’s stepping away until her feet scuff against the uneven ground and she nearly loses her balance. That, at least, is enough to break her out of her trance even if the terror sinking into her stomach refuses to dissipate; she rips her gaze away from the trailer as if burned. It feels like the shape of that figure is scorched into her retina now.
Unwilling to look back at that window, Tina runs.
Sitting through the commemorative assembly in the school’s gymnasium is like pulling teeth. Every word jars her, striking through with pained awareness of how overcrowded the room is playing host to two schools and yet not nearly as crowded as it should be.
She feels like an exposed nerve, too vulnerable for this. Her eyes burn with exhaustion and the threat of tears.
At some point she stops listening entirely, too mentally overwhelmed as she tries not to think about anything at all if it will get the ringing in her ears to stop. As she looks down at her hands, the shadows cast by the lines of her palms form a dark echo of the blood and grime she remembers from that day. She had to trim her nails as short as she could to get rid of the last traces of it.
When they’re finally dismissed, the end of the speeches coinciding with the end of the school day, Tina lingers behind at a shout of her name.
Waving over at her from through the dispersing crowd is Vicki. There are strained creases around the corners of her eyes as she weaves her way to meet Tina but she valiantly keeps a smile in place, something more than Tina can say for herself.
“You want to tag along with me? I’m heading to meet Samantha, she snuck some of her parents' booze in all the confusion so we’re going to meet up and let off some steam.”
“Samantha Stone?” Tina clarifies. “Since when do you hang around with Samantha?”
Vicki scoffs. “Since almost everyone else is gone.”
Tina presses her lips together to keep the sudden roll of nausea at that blasé statement at bay. Vicki seems to pick up on it, her expression dimming marginally with her concern, but she chooses not to question it. Instead, she strides on, head held high.
“Anyway, we all have people’s memories to drink to. I cannot deal with the aftermath of that stupid assembly while sober. So, you coming or what?”
Tina takes a steadying breath and follows. After all, it’s not like she’s got any better ideas. 
The crowd that gathers at the edge of the school’s field is a mishmash of different people, most of whom Tina has only ever seen around each other in the classroom or at her own parties. They seem to clump together uncertainly, stilted conversations offered between each other about inane topics that Tina doesn’t have the energy to entertain.
Regardless, she loiters around with the group, accepting whatever drinks get thrust into her hand and taking great gulps to avoid joining any conversations. Listening is more than enough, if you can even class what she’s doing as listening. 
Everyone else, at least, seems on the same page about getting shit-faced. As the hours creep by, shoulders finally start to slump and the group gets rowdier the drunker they get. Bottles are uncapped with grandiose claims of them being in honour of someone who couldn’t be there with them.
Silently, Tina raises her own drink, the faces of her friends flashing in her minds’ eye. 
At some point, Vicki leaves her place at Tina’s side. She looks up to see her, arms interlocked, with Samantha and laughing the way she only does when she’s really tipsy. For a second, Tina considers going over to talk to them, but when she gets up from her spot on the bench her body feels clumsy and uncoordinated. It’s probably better that she stays here, leaning against the seat for support.
There’s another kid who could probably benefit from the same. He’s pale aside from a splotchy flush to his cheeks as he stumbles ungainly out from the tree line.
“Didn’t get lost taking a piss then?” his friend taunts as he wobbles his way back over to their side.
“I think I just saw a ghost,” he says in a daze.
Everyone laughs at that. Tina tries not to think at all.
The sun is creeping towards the horizon and Tina is far too many drinks in when the nausea finally hits her. It feels like a physical thing, crawling its way up her throat.
“Shit,” she gasps, floundering up onto her feet at last and heading blindly into the trees. At least there she might have just a smidge more privacy in her shame.
Her sneakers shuffle over uneven earth, hesitant at first until the need to puke becomes too much and she hurries further along, with all the uncoordinated grace she can muster. Knees meet the ground and an arm braces against a tree as she sucks in deep breaths. They slowly soothe the sickness away. In the end, she’s not sure if it’s better or worse that she didn’t actually vomit.
Head still hazy, she looks up and widens her awareness back to her surroundings.
“You have got to be kidding me,” she says, clambering back to her feet, as she spots them.
It’s a girl. It’s too far away to be sure but she looks to be dressed in a cheer uniform, at least from what Tina can see. The girl is curled around herself, sitting with her back against a tree and her head in her hands.
This could be it. This could be that same hallucination. 
Tina should just go—whether or not this is real, she just needs to leave it alone. If this is just some other student from their drunken group, then her crying is none of Tina’s business. Hell, she’s had to step away for private moments herself and it’s not the sort of thing you want to be walked in on. And if this is Chrissy, then… Well, then that doesn't bode well to think about.
Leaves and twigs crunch underfoot, stealing any stealth she might have managed, as Tina approaches. Not like it matters, the girl doesn’t react at all, as if she can’t even hear her.
The closer she gets the less she can deny it. That strawberry-blonde hair, held back from her face by a green scrunchie; that small stature; the familiar cheer uniform, speckled with somehow still-red blood… She may not have known Chrissy personally, but Tina had certainly seen her around enough to be able to recognise her.
She slows to a stop, looking down at the figure of her. From here she can see that her head isn’t actually in her hands. She’s covering her ears, muttering something under her breath that Tina can’t quite make out without getting closer.
Tina’s mouth opens to speak but she finds it suddenly dry, her throat barren. She clears her throat, the sound perversely loud in the atmosphere around her.
“Chrissy?” she manages finally, voice little more than a whisper.
Chrissy’s head snaps up to look at her, eyes wide and frantic. Her whole body tenses, posture coiling and shifting as if she’s preparing to bolt, and for a moment Tina feels that same need to flee echoed in herself. Neither of them do.
Tearful, blue eyes take in Tina’s face before some of the fight seems to drain from her, slumping infinitesimally against the tree behind her. Tina, though, doesn’t relax and her alcohol slowed mind fumbles to come to grips with the sight before her.
Chrissy, where she sits in the leaves and dirt and forest debris, is so pale. Every so often, the very vision of her seems to flicker in Tina’s sight, as if the girl herself were not fully corporeal… trapped between this world and the next.
“Are… Are you real?” Chrissy breathes, voice small and broken.
The irony of that startles a laugh from Tina before she can help it. 
Shouldn’t she be the one asking that? Chrissy is the dead girl out of the two of them. If either of them should be mistrusting their minds right now, it should be Tina. Because if ghosts aren’t real, as Tina had always believed so strongly, then how can Tina be facing this right now?
“Am I real?” she scoffs, voice bordering on hysterical. “You’re the dead girl here.”
“What?” Chrissy asks in that same crushed tone.
“You’re dead,” Tina tells her, because what else is there to say?
Somehow, Chrissy seems to pale further, as if blood was rushing away from her non-existent face.
“No. N-no. I’m not, I can’t be. What are you talking about?”
“You died. In the Munsons’ trailer.”
“You’re lying. I’m right here—I can’t be—” Chrissy’s voice becomes shrill and stricken with panic before an anger steals over her features. “This isn’t funny. What kind of joke is that? I just—I need to get home.”
Tina scoffs, almost disbelieving, and steadies her swaying against a low-hanging branch.
“I went to your funeral. You’re dead. And I must be going crazy…”
The last part comes out half as a laugh, half as a sigh. It’s a fact she’s resigned herself to uncomfortably quickly, but what other explanation could there be? People don’t just see visions of dead girls sitting around and telling them they can’t be dead if they’re not mad.
Chrissy’s expression glazes over, seeming to be lost in her own mind as a fresh wave of tears give a new shine to those mournful eyes.
“You’re lying,” she says again, but this time she sounds more defeated than accusing, like it makes sense to her even if she doesn’t want it to be true.
Or Tina’s mind thinks Chrissy shouldn’t want it to be true—if Chrissy’s ghost actually was in front of her, that is. But she isn’t, because that would be preposterous. She’s just had too much to drink, and she’s been feeling paranoid, and it’s not as if she’s been able to rest since all of this began.
She doesn’t know why she’s indulging this in the first place. 
Her mouth opens to say something to that effect. Surely she has some smartass comment about it all, but all that remains in her mind are the wispy impressions of the thought as she tries her best to reorient herself. In the end, she gets nothing out before a voice calls out for her. 
Damn, she’s been out here for too long. She’s not even really sure how much time has slipped away without her notice between her leaving the gathering and ending up where she stands now.
Right, that decides it, she’s leaving. This—all of this—is something she doesn’t want any part in. Not ghosts, or hallucinations, or whatever any of this is and certainly not while she’s drunk. There are a thousand more important things she could be worrying about, she chides herself as she turns on her heel and sets her eyes on the way back. In fact, she’s mid-step when a feeble voice calls out for her.
“Please, don’t go. I’m scared to be alone…”
Tina pauses, her heart pounding.
“I need to get back,” she says; to herself, because there is no one else there. 
For a moment, Chrissy is quiet. Tina almost thinks the hallucination has finally dissipated when she speaks up again.
“Will you come back?”
Tina’s heart stutters in her chest. This isn’t real. None of this is real. She turns to look behind her and Chrissy is gone, not even a trace of her to be seen. 
“Tina!”
“Yeah,” Tina replies, the words mumbled to herself, as she finally unsticks her feet from the ground to return to the group. 
---
chapter 2
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chloemew · 11 months
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When I was first looking to get physical copies of the MP100 manga, I went into my local bookstores and most of them had like... one or two volumes, maybe three, in no particular order, no Reigen spin-off anywhere, just a pitiful amount all round. A little disappointing since I liked the idea of being able to just pick them all up at once, but whatever, I just ended up ordering them all online instead.
Anyway I went to those same bookstores today and they had every single volume including the latest released and the Reigen spin-off
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cryolyst · 2 months
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~
#they speak!#it's probably just the illness that's making me extra irritable but like.#roommate kept coming up to me this morning going oh did i wake you up? i'm sorry if i did. did i do that or no? i'm really sorry.#and i kept telling him to stop saying sorry because i didn't have the brain power to phrase#'you could've been more considerate of your volume but you also have the right to use the common space so it's whatever'#but he said it to me again before i went to my room just now and it's like. ok. shut up.#if you actually cared that much u would've just been quieter in the first place actually.#anyways. annoyed. there were some annoying customers in the store today but it was whatever.#i feel like my fucks to give had already worn out with all the ppl in my social circle/my parents and the recent ongoings of that#[redacted] was being passive aggressive to me in the group chat and it's like. ok! idk what u want from me.#and i'm grateful for them for coming over and helping me with cleaning last week#and it's those sorts of actions that let me know they care and want good things for me#but like. i haaaate telling them anything because even innocuous non-private things get turned into judgement with them.#also. more and more i can feel how i'm drifting away from h and now with retrospect i can see how we mutually hurt each other :)#i keep coming back to this one period where i really wanted to take them to try dimsum and they kept saying they were too scared to try it#and in their new friend group they regularly go out n get dimsum together. which on the surface is like. why didn't you want to go with /me#i told you i wanted to share what i liked and i would explain what things were and i could do the talking and you still said no#but it's also very much a reflection of how i always rolled over and enabled them. i never challenged them. i was always passive.#i also feel like i'm heavily neglecting e and a recently and i can tell how the physical distance is affecting us and idk. it's weird.#anyways. another post that should've been a journal entry! lol!#when [redacted] helped with cleaning they also buried my journal under my like#300 packets of sesame candies and i can't be bothered to dig it out. also my bandaids are missing now. <3#ik this also sounds passive aggressive but genuinely appreciate the help i just kinda hate how they think hidin everything in boxes is good#'we need to get you some more storage boxes and containers!!' actually i think that will be the opposite of helpful.#i need everything visible and on open surfaces so i can 1) remember they exist for me to use and 2) not have barriers for me to get to them
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twilightarcade · 3 months
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to do list for my eyes Only
#wordstag#getting ready 4 bed... made wraps for tomorrow!#I have 2 text girl who im friends with about pizza rolls tomorrow.. think she'd find it silly#ummm! Need to figure out what I'm making for July 4th? Going to the store tomorrow or so. Maybe hold a poll haha#pssssshhhhhhh... have collected a few cloud photos and I wanna try my had at drawing them. Likely not to post as I took them nearby...#probably going to take a shower in the morning. Need to do that#I Will say we washed our sheets recently. Big stuff. Need to put laundry away tho.#hmm............ working on pixel art as of late. God am I bad at pixel art. Its ok tho.#I neeed to have like. A conversation with someone. Haven't had the energy as of lat1e though. Or as of ever. Horrid.#need to go back to the library soon as well.... return my books#I may invest in keeping a time slotted schedule. I think it would be beyond good for me but also that means doing initial setup#like planners is like ok do this... eventually! Lol! But if it was loosely time slotted?#I'd hate to have to digitally because that puts on a lot of pressure. Counting down the minutes and such#maybe I can repurpose a planner...? Lots of questions to be asked. No answer today tho#also may invest in another goofy craft.. have a few Amazon gift cards collecting dust (Do Those Expire ?)#I donnou what do people buy off of Amazon anyhow? Questions for someone who is wiser than me.#I really want to invest in a nice desk though. Would kill for a nice desk n chair combo up in here#to be honest I still haven't quite gotten over lounge beds or whatever they're called. The bunks with desks under then?#that's the shit right there. Would be an absolute pain though.#but anyhow to do list... look into making an actual to do list.#we've used like. Notion n such on and off.#I quite like notion but never checked it enough for it to actually do anything for me... kind of the same problem as the Planner Problem#bullet journaling was Better till it got to the question of WHEN we were going to do all that stuff. Trick question we weren't.#I may try time blocking for like a week. See how it goes. Got a lot of time on our hands and haven't done much with it#spreading ourselves too thin etcetc. Gotta focus our efforts...#Ok that's enough from me; goodnight folks. Have a. A good one. Again. Sweet dreams and such.
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#i hate that i'm like this but the girl we're hosting used my mug and it makes me irrationally angry#like#i didn't ever tell her ''hey don't use this mug because i have my own stuff and i don't like cross contaminating''#so i KNOW i have no right to be angry#and it coooouuld have been one of my family members who used it but i doubt it because they know i don't like sharing mugs and glasses etc#but either way this is just a symptom of how chaotic i feel in my own house and i hate myself for being like this#i never say anything because i KNOW its crazy people talk to be like ''hey that's my seat. why? because i always sit there and like it?''#and i know it doesn't affect anyone how the spoons are organized and how the plates are stacked and where the pots are stored#but its just infuriating to see things in places where (in my mind system) they don't go#i know it's the autism but that has never found me any sort of sympathy in my family (diagnosis or no diagnosis) so i can't say that#and if i skirt around it and say ''i like things a certain way and not having them like that causes me severe emotional distress''#it makes me seem controlling and abusive (which are things my mom has implied i am when i explain these things to her)#i know the real reason for these issues isn't our guest but also at this point she isn't our fucking guest because SHE'S BEEN HERE A MONTH#and she is clearly overstaying her welcome imo#i don't say anything because i'm not a mean person but i'm sure everyone around me can tell i'm stressed about something#i just need my space back but i don't even feel like i have a claim over that cuz mexican families are full of the ''my house my rules'' bs#which is untrue because a) the house isn't even owned by my parents anymore#(they made some stupid financial choices years ago and my uncle had to buy the house from them or risk foreclosure)#and b) we're all adults (except my brother obviously) and we all contribute however we can#so i should have some say in how i feel if i'm living here imo#and i am trying to make money however i can so i can move out soon#but just going out twice a week has me like this i can't imagine working a traditional job atm#(i did apply for a grant for autistic people of color so hopefully something will come of that)#anyways that was my rant i'm just really stressed and constantly on the brink of a meltdown#it's not this random girls fault#she just happens to be the final drop in my very very small bucket very often these days#(y'know because she's a fucking stranger in my house and i hate having to mask in my own home idk i'm awful i probably won't post this)
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monster-noises · 7 months
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I love second hand book shops, I got to them frequently and always leave with Something and have a good time just peakin around
But i gotta say
It's one of the Worst spots for me in terms of imposter syndrome
I feel like everyone's uneasey with my presence as though i'm a stranger who just stumbled into their inner sanctum and they're.. they're gunna let me stay but they're gunna be weirded out the whole time and breath a sigh of relief when the Strange Unwelcome Freak Leaves
It also happens at record shops and sometimes at small antique shops or cons+festivals
Just this immediate foreboding of being Angrily Tolerated in a Space I Don't Belong
#monster noises#it's Incalculably stupid because 1) it's a store. anyone can go in there.#and 2) in all those locations... I do beling there!!!!!!!! not even in the sense of point 1 where it's a retail location but like!!!!#Book shops Record shops Antique malls Cons... are all like super 100% right up my alley nerd shit these Should be like '''''my people'''''''#which is i think a strong contributing factor to this pervasive feeling like#there's an underlying current of not just being in there to Shop but that i want the other people there to Like Me? I guess?#in our limited interaction?#i want them to see that i'm One Of Them and it makes me nervous#because whenever i am trying to be a Part of something i Immediately feel like some kind of isolated hollow fraud#like i'm worried that i not only Look like a poser#but that i Am#secretly#a Poser#so secretly that I don't even relaiE i'm a poser#it probably doesn't help that i also always have The most off-kilter interactions with the staff in these scenerios#it's never anything truly embarassing#but it's always like i try to be as nice as possible but their reaction is never what i expect#and it throws me off#it's a hard thing to pin down in words but like.. it feels like they are more than anything just Waiting for me to leave#if not from the get-go then from the moment i open my mouth to answer a question#and like idk !!! i'm trying so hard to be open and friendly and not just use canned response but also not be Too weird or too loud#and be engaged in conversation but it never works!#it's like i ooze some deeply unpleasant vibe and it turns everyone off me immediately when i enter their space#i'll see other customers having lovely conversations with staff and stuff and then when it's me it's like Cold#truly it does nothing for my self esteem#not everyone has yo or is going to like me but i really don't think it's too big an ask to not be scrutinized by store staff Constantly ;<;
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v-iv-rusty · 1 year
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maslow's hierarchy of needs but the whole thing is just 'being able to live in a walkable city'
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Daily Log 5
Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.
Activities: Not much, I had to run errands most of the day and also felt incredibly tired, probably because the cats woke me up like 4 times last night begging for food and things. Overly warm and headachey a lot.
I planted a few new flowers, and pressed more flowers and clovers in my Large Sturdy Flower Pressing Book as well.
Actually worked on translating the text for the previously mentioned tapestry/painting thing. I think I've decided that it doesn't really matter very much, because nobody else even knows anything about this conlang except for me, so they won't know if it's wrong lol.. It is not entirely completed after all (complete enough to translate most simple sentences into consistently, but also there are a few spots here and there where I haven't fully worked out the way some part of speech actually functions or etc., or I wrote down one thing that later contradicts something else, so occasionally I reach a sentence that I'm not sure exactly which rule to follow to translate, and I need to do a larger comprehensive organization of the document to work out all the kinks and declare officially like 'THIS is the ONE way this is done' etc. etc.) - so because of that, I think I'll just kind of 'do my best' and if the rules now end up changing in the future as I further work on the language, then, that's fine, because nobody can read it anyway lol. Kind of like that song on my side music youtube that's sung in genuine Avirrekava lyrics but also I wrote them years ago and some of the sentences have now become outdated/invalid.
Washed and cleaned some kale so it will be dry for me to maybe make silly kale chips tomorrow.
Final proofreading + posting of the poll adventure thing.
eughh,, literally nothing else.. I hate running errands because it always makes me feel drained and sick after, plus I get nothing else done all day except for just going places. I know checking my p.o. box and picking up cat food and stuff is technically still a productive action, but it just feels like.. i should be getting all of my long term projects done instead lol.. what about the videos?? or worldbuilding?? what does grocery shopping have to do with elves??!?! >:V (aside from pretending to be a group of fantasy creatures evaluating produce having an imaginary conversation with yourself at the store ghghj,, but that is not productive either lol)
Notable sights: Found 13 four leaf clovers, and 2 five leaf clovers, though one of them is almost a 6 leaf (like one of the leaves is nearly split all the way into a sort of heart shape, just not entirely). Also two of the clovers are HUGE, probably the biggest 4 leaf clovers I've ever collected, like 2 inches across maybe. The sky was very pretty a lot with big fluffy white clouds. Not a 'sight' really, but I got to sit in air conditioning for a little while today and it was very nice. I love the cold crisp kind of stale air smell, like walking into a freezer or something (which I used to do when I was a kid, I would sneak into a walk-in freezer at a school cafeteria and just sit there for a while lol), it's comforting to me.
Goals moving forward: Consistent sleep schedule. Focus on social activities, finding new friends in the places I want to move, communicating with ones I have. Physical therapy exercises. Plant nasturtiums. Finish and upload videos, edit costume pictures & etc. Do the new costumes I've planned. MAKE SCULPTURES at some point, I miss them.
Notable foods: Had a bit of smoked gouda and green onions in my Mandated Completely Plain Flavorless Grits For Breakfast this morning, as a littol treat lol.. Tried a 'biscoff' ice cream bar, which is generally a flavor profile I like, but I think I would usually rather be eating a cookie than having ice cream. Also an Ensure nutritional drink, which I know most people consider gross but I genuinely like them.. maybe it's like a source of comfort when my stomach is too sick to eat, like 'oh well at least I can have this cold smooth textured chalky chocolate thing' lol.
Sort of like how I have positive conditioning to feel safe/comfortable in bathrooms (due to it usually being one of the only places you can safely retreat from a social situation or get out of crowds in public areas, etc.), even though rationally I have no particular reason to like bathrooms much, and most people dislike public bathrooms especially. Fellow public bathroom and ensure nutritional shake lovers unite! (3 of us in the entire world)
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#just posting these publicly since it feels more like I'm doing something or easier to hold yourself accountable if you make public#declarations of goals and progress or etc. .. perhaps.. for now..#Not sure if this is helping me be more productive#though I think it might in some ways help me appreciate things around me more. Since I'm kind of collecting 'notable' sights or smells#or things. sometimes through the day I'm looking around my environment trying to spot anything whimsical or wonderful or pleasing#I could see this excercise possiblyhelping people pick out more positives around them and appreciate small things in life more#I kind of already do that (very meticulous slow moving person who notices tiny details in everything) so I'm not sure if it's any more than#I usually would but.. eh?? maybe??#Still craving a ton of hearty foods lol my body is so so so deficient in something right now and I'm being very cool about it#I have a very high level of self control (so like am very responsible good at managing money and getting placeson time and planning and#etc. and abstaining from things if necessary (like wearing a mask and cutting out certain activities during a pandemice#or not eating something now that might hurt my stomach later etc. etc.) so It's not much of a problem but#if not... I would probably be ordering in so much random fast food and stuff or something ghh#Even before I was put on a restrictive diet by my doctors I still never ate out very much for money reasons#Usually once a month or less. this includes stuff like coffees (can be made at home cheaper) or drinks or etc.#Especially with the cost of things going up so much now I'm kind of glad I've already built in that habit#/have never known or gotten used to anything else - because if not I feel like it would be a real shock or like a struggle#I have friends that order in food for like every single meal and it's only getting more and more expensive#so I guess it's kind of releiving to not really have the prospect of that stress as much (though things in the grocery store#are still expensive too so.. even if you're cooking at home. You do save money but its STILL a strain with the current#economy). ANYWAY... maybe sometimes it is good to be miserly and poor.. if I had unlimited money and a spending habit or something#I could go through with ordering ribs and chicken wings and 5 plates of lasagna and a burrito and udon and etc. and eat it all at once#and then have such a bad stomach pains I have to go to the hospital lol#ANYWAY...#daily log
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whumptober · 1 month
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WHUMPTOBER 2024: PROMPTS LIST
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Welcome to Whumptober 2024 — Seventh Time's a Charm!
Please make sure to read the Event Info and FAQ below carefully, as most of your questions will be answered there already. For everything else, you are welcome to come to our ask box or ask questions in our Discord server here.
This year’s AO3 Collection can be found here.
This year's playlist can be found here.
The 'Anatomy of a Whumptober Prompt' post can be found here.
And our 'Resources for Writing Sensitive Topics' post is here.
We’re very excited to see the community come together for another year of Whumptober! Go wild with the prompts, and support your fellow creators - we wish you all the fun!
Best of luck and happy whumping,
Mods Vanne, Yenn, Kitty and Surro
(Text versions of the prompts, as well as event information, rules and FAQ are posted below the cut!)
Whumptober 2024 Prompt List
No. 1: RACE AGAINST THE CLOCK
Search Party | Panic Attack | "If only we could hold on.” (Icysami x Renegaderr, Strangers.)
No. 2: TRUST ISSUES
Amusement Park | Role Reversal | “You got away with the crime while the knife's in my back.” (Charlotte Sands, Rollercoaster)
No. 3: SET UP FOR FAILURE
Fingerprints | Wrongfully Arrested | "I warned you."
No. 4: HALLUCINATIONS
Hypnosis | Sensory Deprivation | “You're still alive in my head.” (Billy Lockett, More)
No. 5: SUNBURN
Healing Salve | Heatstroke | "If my pain will stretch that far." (Lottery Winners, Burning House)
No. 6: NOT REALISING THEY'RE INJURED
Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms | Healed Wrong | "It's not my blood."
No. 7: ONLY FOR EMERGENCIES
Unconventional Weapon | Magic with a Cost | "It's us or them."
No. 8: SLEEP DEPRIVATION
Isolation Chamber | Forced to Stay Awake | "Leave the lights on." (Coldplay, Midnight)
No. 9: OBSESSION
Broken Window | Bruises | “Frame me up on the wall, just to keep me out of trouble.” (Fall Out Boy, Irresistible)
No. 10: BLOW TO THE HEAD
Slurred Words | Passing Out from Pain | "I can't think straight."
No. 11: SEEING DOUBLE
Convenience Store | Loneliness | “Leave no trace behind, like you don't even exist.” (Taylor Swift, Illicit Affairs)
No. 12: STARVATION
Underground Caverns | Cannibalism | "Just a little more."
No. 13: TEAM AS A FAMILY
Familial Curse | Multiple Whumpees | "Death will do us part." (Set It Off, Partner's In Crime)
No. 14: LEFT FOR DEAD
Hunting Gear | Blackmail | “Because I want you to know what it feels like to be haunted” (tiLLie, kooL aiD mAn)
No. 15: CHILDHOOD TRAUMA
Painful Hug | Moment of Clarity | "I did good, right?"
No. 16: NECROSIS
Swamp | Wound Cleaning | "No, I can't feel anything."
No. 17: NOWHERE ELSE TO GO
Ruined Map | Shipwrecked | "We had a good run."
No. 18: REVENGE
Unreliable Narrator | Loss of Identity | “I see what's mine and take it.” (Panic! at the Disco, Emperor's New Clothes)
No. 19: BLOOD TRAIL
Abandoned Cabin | One Way Out | "Is there anybody alive out there?" (Bruce Springsteen, Radio Nowhere)
No. 20: EMOTIONAL ANGST
Shoulder to Cry On | Giving Permission to Die | "It's not your fault."
No. 21: BODY HORROR
Body Horror | Tattoo Gun | Spirit Possession | “Let the bedsheet soak up the tears.” (Apparat feat. Soap & Skin, Goodbye)
No. 22: BLEEDING THROUGH BANDAGES
Tourniquet | Reopening Wounds | "Oh that's not good."
No. 23: FORCED CHOICE
Public Display | Broken Pedestal | "I'm doing this for you."
No. 24: RADIATION POISONING
Collapsed Building | Equipment Failure | “I never knew daylight could be so violent.” (Florence + The Machine, No Light, No Light)
No. 25: SURGERY
Stitches | Being Monitored | "It's for your own good."
No. 26: NIGHTMARES
Breakfast Table | Parting Words of Regret | “I'm haunted by the lies that I have loved, the actions I have hated.” (Poe, Haunted)
No. 27: VOICELESS
Laboratory | Muzzled | “I have no mouth and I must scream.”
No. 28: DENIAL
CCTV | Exposure | "They caught me red handed."
No. 29: FATIGUE
Labyrinth | Burnout | "Who said you could rest?"
No. 30: RECOVERY
Hospital Bed | Holding Back Tears | "What have I done?"
No. 31: ASKING FOR HELP
Therapy | Making Amends | "I'm alive, I'm just not well." (Elliot Lee, Alive, Not Well.)
Alternatives List:
Body Swap
Communication Barrier
Finding Old Messages
Forgotten
Friendly Fire
Motion Sickness
No-Holds-Barred Beatdown
Regret
Secrets Revealed
Shivering
Survivor's Guilt
Time Loop
Used As Bait
Venom
Vermin
Event Info & Rules
WHUMPTOBER is a month-long, prompt-based creation challenge (think: Inktober, but whumpier). There are 31 official themes this year - one for each day of the month - which can be used, skipped, or combined in any way you’d like. They are meant to serve as inspiration without being taken literally (e.g. you don’t have to include the exact wording of prompts into your work). Feel free to run rampant on interpretation. For example, if the prompt is “flame", you could create something with reference to a candle/campfire, your character could have suffered a burn, or the flame could be a reference to an ‘old flame’ - an old relationship. It’s truly down to you!
In total, there are 4 prompts for each day. These are optional suggestions and can be used in conjunction with the theme, or as options/alternatives.  We want to give everyone as much creative freedom as possible, as well as increase event accessibility for folks with triggers and squicks. There is also a list of 15 alternative prompts that can be subbed in for any day, again to give participants as much creative freedom as possible.
Creators can PRODUCE work in any media they choose, including but not limited to: writing, visual artwork, photo/video/audio edits, paper crafts and elaborate recommendation lists (not just a list of links). Creators can PARTICIPATE as much or as little as they want (i.e. you don’t have to do ALL the prompts if you don’t want to) and prompts can be used in any order. They are also free to use even after the event ends.
When uploading Whumptober content to your blog, be sure to tag it with:
#whumptober2024 …..(the event tag)
#no.1, #no.2, #no.3, …..(theme number)
#bruises, #stabbing, …..(the theme or specific prompt you chose)
#altprompt …..(if you use an altprompt, tag the post with the number of the prompt you replace)
#fandom or #OC, …..(ironman, original content, oc, etc.)
#medium …..(gifs, fic, podcast, art, etc.)
#teeth, #etc …..(trigger warnings & any additional tags. Keep in mind not to add “tw” in front but only use the word/trigger itself)
#nsfwhump …..(only for nsfw content)
#your own tags go here
PLEASE BE DILIGENT WITH YOUR TAGGING. Only properly tagged posts are considered for archiving on the official @whumptober-archive blog. They must be tagged in the order above. An elaborate post about our tagging system can be found [here]
Unfortunately, due to the sheer number of participants in recent years, we cannot guarantee your work will be archived. A random selection of properly tagged posts from all genres will be reblogged each day.
Whumpers who produce content for 31 total theme days are considered event completionists and will be tagged in a masterpost at the end of the month. A form will be published at the beginning of November asking you to tell us if you completed. This is based on trust and we will not check this.
Frequently Asked Questions
Please read this before you send an ask!
TIMELINE
July: Trope voting form released. Late August: Prompt list is released for at least four weeks of preparation time. Tropes cannot be posted earlier than August 25th because of Moderator obligations in real life. (But, you know, go ahead and start writing/drawing, and add the themes in later, if you want!) September: Do as much or as little on your works as you want. You can prepare everything in advance or let September go by with vibes and start working in October. It’s up to you. October 1st: Challenge begins! A storm of whump breaks upon us all! During this time, some posts will be reblogged to the whumptober archive blog. We open the yearly AO3 collection for posting (optional). November 1st: The challenge is officially over! Completionist form opens for those who want to be included in the hall-of-fame. Early November: We release completionist and participant badges, solicit feedback, and post a hall-of-fame list of completionists by the 10th.
PARTICIPATION AND COMPLETION
Q: What counts as participation? Create or continue at least one work inspired by one of this year’s prompts. Q: What counts as completion? Creating work(s) inspired by at least one prompt from each day (or alts), for a total of 31 unique prompts. Q: Do I need to create 31 works? No. You can, if you want. Or you can create one work that you add to every day with a new prompt. Or several works that combine prompts. You can also update an existing work by adding new material with the current prompts. Q: Do I need to post my works somewhere to be a completionist or a participant? No. Q: How do you know I actually completed the challenge? We’ll take your word for it! Q: Do I have to finish my work(s) to be a completionist? No, you can post WIPs. And you’re not obligated to finish them in October, but if you want it to count towards being a completionist, you must have completed 31 prompts by the end of the month. So for example, if you’re writing a long fic and you fit 31 different prompts into the writing you did in October, it’s okay if that fic isn’t finished by the time October ends, you’ll still be a completionist. Q: Is co-writing/illustrating allowed? Yes, absolutely, and it would count towards being a completionist for both/all of you. Q: Is there a min/max limit on word count for written works? No. Q: Is there a min/max limit of quality for art? No. Q: Do I have to do something each day to be a completionist? No. You can skip days whenever you want, and as long as 31 daily prompts (or alts) are in your works done in October, you can be a completionist. For example, if you wrote a 1000-word ficlet that covers prompts in days 2, 3, and 17, you can check all three days off your list even though it’s only one work. Q: Is this challenge just for fics? No! Artworks, GIFsets, headcannons, rec lists, poetry, moodboards, or any other creative work is encouraged. Q: Can I combine Whumptober with other creation challenges? Absolutely, as long as the other challenges allow it too.
PROMPTS
Q: How do the prompts work? There are FOUR prompts per day: a theme and three ideas. You can use one, two, three, or all four prompts for each day. If you don’t like any of the daily prompts, you can substitute one of the ALT prompts instead. Q: How strictly/literally should we interpret the prompts? As literally or as figuratively as you want. For example, if the theme is WATER, that could mean drowning, waterboarding, raining, swimming, take place underwater, be lost at sea, construct a metaphor about a character’s mood that changes like a flowing river, crying, or whatever else you can think of that fits that theme. Q: Can I combine prompts? Is there a limit on how many? No limit and combine as many as you’d like. If you create a work that checks off multiple prompts, that work will count for a fill of multiple prompts. You need to address 31 different prompts to be an official completionist, but you don’t have to produce 31 separate works.
WORKS
Q: What’s whump? Hurting a character, whether that’s physically, emotionally, intellectually, psychologically, or any other way you can think of. Comfort afterwards is optional. Angst is emotional whump, so it counts. Q: How do I know if it’s whumpy enough? If your character is just mildly inconvenienced, it probably needs more whump. However, no participant has to prove whumpiness to the mods. Whatever you write is up to you. Q: What kind of characters can I create for? Anything. Generic “whumpee,” OC, PC, NPC, major characters, minor characters, or whatever you want. There are no limits. Q: Does it have to take place in a specific fandom? No, you can create works for your own worlds or for fandoms or for both. You can also create more generic or pan-fandom works. You can do cross-overs or use OCs, whatever you want. Q: Can I create AI-created works? We will not reblog or promote any works we know to be generative AI-created. Q: Is there anything we’re not allowed to write? As long as it contains whump and is based on our prompts, it’s fine. Please courtesy tag your works if you post them so people who follow the #whumptober2024 tag can filter according to their preferences. Q: What about sex, minor characters, and potentially disturbing content? You can create whatever works are legal in your country and post them accordingly. Please courtesy tag anything you think might be objectionable if you post to Tumblr so people who follow the #whumptober2024 tag can filter according to their preferences.
POSTING
Q: Where can I post my work? Post where and how you want. You don’t even have to (cross)post it to Tumblr. Just keep in mind if it’s not on Tumblr we will not be able to add it to the blog archive. There is an AO3 archive for Whumptober 2024, as well as the parent collection for works completed outside of the event. Q: Can I start posting early? You can, but this is an October event and wouldn’t it be more fun with everyone doing it at the same time? We won’t be reblogging any work predating October 1st. Q: Can I post late? Yes. For the sake of our hardworking Post Fairies, only a day’s themes will be reblogged to @whumptober-archive each day of October. But you can post whenever. Some of us are still working on and posting Whumptober fics from years ago. Q: Do I have to use your tags? Only on Tumblr and only if you want us to reblog your work on @whumptober-archive. Q: How do I have my works reblogged to the archive? Properly tagged posts will be reblogged to @whumptober-archive. If you want the official archive blog to reblog you, post on Tumblr and tag correctly (see this FAQ link for more info on tagging). Please note not all posts will be reblogged each day. Q: Can we @ you? For questions and comments, of course. We’ll be getting a flood of notifications, so if you really want us to see something send an ask. Q: Can I cross post on other blogs? Yes, multiple platforms and blogs are perfectly acceptable, as long as they allow cross-posting (to us). You can also post different works to different accounts under different names, without posting them everywhere at once. If you post some works under your main and others under an alt blog, that’s fine for completionist purposes. Q: Can I upload/repost my Whumptober content to other social media platforms? Of course! We’ve created an AO3 Collection to archive any fics posted there, which can be found here. The blog is the official archive, so please respect the personal boundaries of any whumpers in your social circle (don’t out anyone as a participant who would prefer not to be outed).
Most importantly, have fun, create, and enjoy all the whump posted this October!
6K notes · View notes
sukunasweetheart · 5 days
Text
Sukuna, a middle aged man jaded by the harsh realities of his life. He steps outside for a smoke nearby a convenience store, completely bored out of his mind.
A lady is handing out flyers nearby, although nobody is bothering to look her way, including sukuna himself.
You approach the man who's getting irritated by the lighter that refuses to work in his hand.
"Hello there, sir. Would you be interested in taking up classes for arts and craft?" You offer the cute flyer up.
Sukuna scoffs. Is she serious?
"No thanks."
"Are you sure? You look like you could use a bit more colour in your life."
He's too exhausted at this point to get angry at a random woman on the street.
"...You're not too far off, i suppose," sukuna mutters, still trying to get the spark to stay on his lighter. "Even so, I'm not interested in the likes of arts and craft. Do i look like a child to you?"
You withdraw your offer of your flyer, and inspect him for a moment.
"Arts and craft can be enjoyed by anyone, regardless of age. But moving past that... you seem a bit down. If you'd like to confide in a stranger for a night, I'm happy to listen."
What a strange, persistent woman. Sukuna gives up on his lighter, and takes out the unlit cigarette in his mouth to think back for a moment. One thing does come to mind.
"I'm not feeling down. But i remembered something, now that i think about it..." he confesses, feeling weirdly compelled to tell you about it.
"Today is supposed to be my birthday."
Birthdays have never been special to him. Nobody celebrated his birth as a child, and in turn, he's never paid attention to the birthdays of others.
"Oh, happy birthday. Are you doing anything special for yourself today?"
"No. I've never cared for birthdays. And I'm getting too old for that anyway."
"Well, that won't do... Hold on for a second."
Puzzled, sukuna looks back at you but you've already gone inside the convenience store. Whatever you're up to now, couldn't possibly be more enticing than getting in a proper smoke right now. Sukuna begins to zone out.
He only snaps out of it when something mildly cold grazes past his cheek, leaving a ticklish and moist sensation on his skin as it disappears upon impact.
Bubbles. Bubbles are flying past him, and floating away into the sky.
For a moment, he gets mesmerised by the swirl of colours that are harboured in each one. Even just from the light of this dingy street, they fly up while holding a multitude of different colours inside them. Time seems to slow for a split second, and he doesn't understand why.
His gaze follows the trail to identify it's source. And unsurprisingly, it's you, standing behind him. You blow a couple more out, and then grin at him childishly. He finally looks at your face properly for the first time.
"Birthday bubbles. For the birthday man," you chuckle sheepishly, knowing that you probably look a bit silly right now. You put the bubble wand back into the small bottle of the soapy mixture, and screw it tightly.
"Here, you can have it. Next time you're feeling a bit antsy, why don't you try blowing some yourself? They're pretty, aren't they?"
You also hand him a different small item.
"And i also threw in a little something else, while i was at it."
He looks down, and sees that it's a new lighter. He slowly pulls his hand out of his pocket to take both of them from your hands.
"I hope you get to do something more special next year. Birthdays are supposed to be joyful, after all," you comment.
"Thanks for putting up with my nosiness. Farewell."
And then you leave him after a quick wave.
Sukuna stares wordlessly as you walk off, wondering what to name this ticklish feeling rising in the pit of his stomach.
The small bottle in his palm reminds him of a moment in his childhood. Kids in the park bragging about their bubble wands that were gifted to them. the laughs that resounded as they all ran off to catch the fragile spheres as they blew away in the wind. The tiny feelings of envy in his heart.
The item he tucks away into his pocket is the lighter. And when nobody is watching, he blows a couple more bubbles into the night sky.
-
Every time he passes by that convenience store, the thought of you comes to his mind. A flashback of your smile in the back of his mind. Every so often, he comes to this particular store. Despite having closer options, he comes to this specific one.
At times, sukuna regrets not taking one of the flyers that you were handing out. He wouldn't have had to mope around a convenience store in hopes of running into you again.
Today is a rainy day, and this calls for a hot piping cup of instant ramen. He doesn't usually enjoy convenience store food, but he wants a reason to stay around inside for a bit longer.
He needs to wait five minutes for the noodles to soften. In this time, he stares out the glass frame of the store, and watches the various rows of people walking past with their umbrellas opened.
There appears to be one anomaly in the crowd, however. Running without shelter from the rain, clutching her bag as if it contains something important in there. Sukuna realises that it's you.
Forgetting about his instant ramen, sukuna grabs his umbrella and dashes out the door.
You're mildly panicking about being stuck behind the red light at the zebra crossing without anything to save you from the rain, but the sensation of the droplets hitting your body come to a stop all too suddenly.
You look up, and there's a black umbrella sheltering you, big and strong looking. You spin around and recognise the stranger with pink hair and sharp eyes. Seemingly out of breath.
He signals to the light that has now turned green behind you, and ushers you forward to cross the road before you can say anything to him.
Now safely on the other side of the road, you begin to converse with him.
"It's you! Hello. Thank you for sheltering me. How have you been?"
"... So-so. Nothing's changed since the last time we met."
"I see. You look better than last time, though." You get the feeling that his eyes have a little more light in them.
Sukuna doesn't really get what you mean, but he moves on.
"What’s in your bag that's so important for you to be protecting it like that?" He asks, effectively changing the topic.
"Oh, this? I literally just bought some brand new origami paper... i can't risk getting them wet and unusable. The children would be disappointed."
"Origami, huh? How original."
"Hey! That's not all... there's a lot of options i offer them. They voted on origami this time."
"You got a lot of people signed up?"
"Not really... but I'm sure it'll start picking up soon. Slowly, one at a time."
You smile up at him hopefully.
"...is the offer still open?"
You cock your head to the side slightly, confused. Sukuna grits his teeth, feeling a little bashful about having to ask more specifically.
"You know. Lessons for grown adults."
"Oh! Of course, anytime! Would you like to come sign up today?"
"Do you offer one-on-one sessions too?"
"Yes, I do."
"Alright. Let’s go."
Sukuna can't fathom the words that are coming out of his own mouth. But fuck it, what's the worst that could happen? You've somehow intriged him, and he can't think of a better way to approach you.
You chatter his ears off along the way, and he nods along while his shoulder gets wet from the way he leans his umbrella closer to your side.
2K notes · View notes
judyvan · 8 days
Text
No Hands - Chris Sturniolo Fanfic
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。・:*:・゚☆。・:*:・゚★。・:*:・゚☆。。・:*:・゚☆。・:*:・゚★。・:*:・゚☆
Summary: After picking on Chris for being an extremely touchy person, the two of you make a bet. Will Chris be able to control himself long enough to win?
Warnings: MDNI/ smut/ chrisxfem!reader/ bf!chris/ unprotected p n v (use a fucking rubber)/ oral (fem receiving)/ touchy! chris x needy! reader/ competitive! chris/ use of "you"/couldn't tell ya how many words
A/N: Time for a Chris fanfic! I am still new to writing, so bear with me. The song loosely relates to the fic. Interactions are appreciated! Pls don't steal my shit. Thx!💋
。・:*:・゚☆。・:*:・゚★。・:*:・゚☆。。・:*:・゚☆。・:*:・゚★。・:*:・゚☆
"Keep your filthy fucking paws off of me," Nick says pushing his brother, Chris, away from him. Chris had wrapped his arm around Nick's shoulders as the two of them spoke.
Your boyfriend Chris is probably the most physically affectionate person that you know. He is always eager to touch those he cares about the most. Whenever it comes to you, Chris loses all self-control. He needs to be touching you in some way at all times; like he'll go insane without the feeling of your body against his in some way, shape, or form.
"You have got to be the touchiest motherfucker that I know, seriously," Nick continues, dusting the remanence of Chris' hands off of his shoulders.
"Shut up," Chris chuckles, pushing Nick backwards.
Nick looks up shocked. His eyes move back and forth from yours and Matt's, Nick and Chris' other brother. You and Matt begin to laugh uncontrollably.
"Please tell me you two fucking see this. I mean this is absurd! Even when I ask him not to touch me, he touches me. It's crazy!" Nick states completely dumbfounded.
Chris is laughing along with you and Matt. He begins to walk towards Matt, reaching out to grab his arm as he loses control of his body.
"Don't bring that shit over here," Matt says out of breath, wiping the tears from his eyes, failing to reel himself in.
Chris looks at you through squinted eyes. You simply open your arms as he walks towards you. He knew that you wouldn't turn down his touch. Chris stands in front of you, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his head in the crook of your neck, laughing profusely into your skin.
"Can we please talk about this?!" Nick begins, still completely shocked. "I have never seen anything like this. Like he actually needs to be studied. He has always been "touchy feely", but ever since he got a girlfriend, it has multiplied by a gabillion." The room is still filled with the laughter of Chris and Matt, yours no longer producing noise.
"I mean seriously, I feel so bad for you. I can guarantee that you never get a fucking second to just breathe!" Nick exclaims.
You somehow manage to catch your breath and gain composure.
"It doesn't bother me. I've gotten used to it," you reply, rubbing your hand up and down Chris' back, attempting to calm him down.
Nick releases a scoff, letting you know that he doesn't believe you.
"Anyways, back to what I was saying," Nick begins shaking his head. He's looking at you, the only one stable enough to understand him. "Me and Matt are going to the store; do you want us to get you guys anything; besides some fucking giggle juice?"
"No, I think that's all we need," you reply, letting out a small laugh. Your whole body is now shaking at the intensity of Chris' reaction to Nick's last statement.
"Alright, we will be back in a few hours," Nick says, practically dragging Matt out of the door, him and Chris continuing to crack up.
The door shuts and Chris is eventually able to control himself. He pulls his head out of your neck and looks in your eyes, a huge grin spread across his face.
"Let's go to my room and find something to do until they get back," Chris says, his fingers running up and down your sides. You meet his lips with a short peck.
"I've got something in mind," you say smirking at him.
The two of you walk to Chris' room, holding hands of course. You have been trying to convince Chris to watch all of your favorite movies and now is the perfect time to start. Chris turns on the movie, "Five Feet Apart," and the two of you lay in his bed. As the film goes on, you can't help but think about what Nick was saying earlier. You are now very observant of how often Chris asks for a kiss or squeezes you tighter. When he gets up out of bed to grab a drink, you begin to laugh out loud at your own thoughts. Chris comes back into the room as you're laughing uncontrollably, trying to think of any moment he has spent any amount of time without physical contact.
"What the fuck is so funny?" Chris asks, taking a sip of his Pepsi as he stands in his doorway.
You swing your legs over the side of the bed to face your boyfriend.
"I was just thinking about what Nick was saying. I genuinely cannot think of a time that you went 5 minutes without touching me," you say.
Chris smirks and shakes his head. He begins to walk closer to you.
"Do you really think that I touch you a lot?" he asks, taking another drink.
"What do you mean think? You can't keep your hands off of me," you let out a small laugh.
"Yes, I can," Chris states in a cocky manner. "You touch me just as much as I touch you." He sits his drink down and gives you a smug look, stepping closer to you.
"Fine then. Let's make a deal. Until Nick and Matt get back, we have to keep our hands to ourselves. You can't touch me, and I won't touch you," you flick your brow up as you propose the idea to Chris.
"And why would I do that?" he says, laughing at your playfulness.
“To prove a point.”
Chris looks around the room for a second, thinking about what you said.
“How about we make this a little bit harder, since Nick and Matt aren't here,” he says, an arrogant look on his face. Chris bends down to whisper in your ear. “How about I do some things that make it harder for both of us to keep our hands off of each other.”
He then places an open-mouthed kiss to the spot right behind your ear. He tugs lightly on the bottom of your earlobe before pulling away. The combination of his warm breath, wet kiss, and teeth pulling on your skin, sends a feeling of arousal throughout your body. Chris looks at you with a shit-eating grin on his face, clearly able to see what he's doing to you.
"And why would I that?" you say, mocking him. Chris' eyes trail up and down your body, not missing a single curve.
"If I win, I get to touch you anywhere I want, wherever I want, anytime I want for a week, and you don't get to say shit to me about it." Chris runs his tongue across his bottom lip as he finishes his sentence. Just the thought of having any part of you at his fingertips whenever he pleased made him grow hard.
"And if I win," you start, noticing the tent forming at the crotch of his pants, " I get to wear as little as I want, whenever I want, and you can look all you want, but you can't touch, for a week." You smile up at Chris, seeing him picture you in the smallest article of clothing in his head.
"I think you've got yourself a deal," Chris says, moving even closer to you.
You lift off of the bed slightly, sliding your hands underneath of your ass, pressing them into the bed. Chris places his hands on the bed, one on either side of your hips. Your lips connect almost immediately, the two of you aching to touch now that you can't. The kiss is deep and passionate, the both of you long for more. You remove your hands from underneath you, pulling off the shirt and pants you're wearing. Chris' lips leave yours and meet your collarbone without hesitation. His hungry kisses across your skin deepen your desire for him to touch you. Chris has seen you in a bra and underwear plenty of times. Removing your clothes doesn't seem to faze him much.
"This is too easy," you say, a smile spreading across your face. Your hands reach behind your back and unbuckle your bra. You drop it on the floor, scoot away from Chris, and lay down on the bed.
Chris stands up completely. His eyes roam over your entire body, lingering on your breasts. Lacking a good poker face, Chris' expression confirmed that you just made things 10 times harder for him, in multiple different ways. He tugs at his bottom lip as he soaks in the amount of skin you have exposed.
"That's not fair," he laughs, his eyes touching every part of your figure that his hands should be feeling.
Chris removes all of his clothes, only leaving his boxers. Your eyes trail over his body. Your eyes widen when you see the bulge in his underwear. A small chuckle escapes Chris' lips at your face. His eyes never leave yours as he removes his underwear seductively, his entire body now on display.
"Now we're even," he says. Chris moves across the room and climbs on top of you, careful to keep both of his hands on the bed.
The air chills your uncovered body. Chris' lips only momentarily heating the areas that they touch. It isn't enough. You need his hands on you. Messy kisses are placed all around your frame as he travels down you. After reaching the waist band of your underwear, Chris moves directly to your inner thighs, devouring them. Your hips begin to buck upwards, wanting his mouth on the place covered by soaked fabric.
"Take them off," Chris says placing a single gentle peck to the front of your underwear.
You shake your head while biting your lip. You earnestly wanted his hands on you and refused to help him out any longer.
"You do it," you said, your heart racing.
"I'm not losing this bet," he responds placing a gentle kiss to either side of your pelvic bone. Suddenly, his tongue slides under the left side wing of your underwear. He pinches the material between his teeth and slides one side of your underwear down to your thigh. He slowly moves to the right side of your body and performs the same motion. His intention is to draw this process out as long as he can, hoping you'll cave. Tongue, bite, pull, switch. Tongue, bite, pull, switch. As soon as one side reaches your ankle, you begin to shake them off yourself, flinging them into the floor.
"Someone's impatient," Chris smiles. He knows you won't last much longer.
His head dives between your legs, his tongue licking up the need that is dripping from you. You let out a whimper, gripping onto the bed sheets, miserably trying to keep your hands busy. Chris' tongue splits you in half as his nose applies pressure to your clit. He begins to speed up his motion, his tongue now forming small circles around your most sensitive area. Your legs begin to squeeze inward, Chris' head between them acting as a magnet. You can't help but squirm, the intense feeling of pleasure taking over your body. All of your movement is making it difficult for Chris. He is unable hold your legs down, forcing them to stay put.
"If you don't stop moving, I'm going to have to stop," he says, momentarily pulling his lips off of you.
Your moans get louder as Chris proceeds to eat you out. Your legs begin to shake as you attempt to keep from moving, not wanting him to quit. His tongue slips inside of your opening. Your back arches off of the bed. He begins to eat you as sloppily as he can, wanting more than just his tongue to be inside of you. Your toes start to curl. He begins to shake his head back and forth, his tongue flicking in all directions, only stopping to suck on your ball of nerves. You cling onto the sheets for dear life. You're starting to get close. Don't do it. Your hands lose their hold on the bedsheets and find themselves in Chris' hair as you practically levitate off of the bed.
"Oh fuck!" you scream, on the edge of release.
Chris pulls away from you. You did touch him after all. Suddenly his eyes meet yours from in between your legs. His thumb brushes over his lips, gathering all of your remnants before sucking them off of his skin.
"I win," he says with a cocky smirk.
In a swift motion, Chris grabs your leg and throws it over his shoulder, plunging himself inside of you, burying his dick as deep in your walls as possible. As he thrusts in and out of you frantically, his hands touch every part of your body, making up for lost time. The two of you moan loudly at the feeling of him touching you inside and out. It doesn't take long before your stomach clenches and you reach your orgasm, Chris' warm cum coating your insides at the same time. As the two of you ride out your high, your hands continue to feel every part of each other. Chris slumps on top of you, wrapping his arms around you, and burying his face in your chest. Your arms embrace him, pulling him closer. After a few moments of relishing the feeling of you both on top of one another, Chris leaves your body to grab a towel and pull on his clothes. As he cleans you up, he makes sure to touch you in every way he can. He throws the towel on the floor and grabs your clothes, insisting on dressing you as well. He starts with your underwear and pants, wanting to see you topless as long as possible. Before putting your bra back on, he takes your breasts in both of his hands and squeezes, kissing you tenderly.
"You better get used to that," he says, pulling away from your mouth and sliding your bra on. "I've got a whole 7 days to do that whenever I want."
For the next week, Chris took as much advantage of his prize as possible. When meeting up with his family he would hug you as long and hard as he could. When around his brothers at home, he would palm your ass with both hands, squeezing roughly and kissing you with passion. Even when hanging out in public settings with your friend group, you would find at least one of his hands wandering from your thigh and meeting the sweet spot in between your legs.
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jaysgirlx · 8 months
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"Need help sweetheart?" Bookstore Customer!Jason Todd helps you reach the books on the higher shelves. You were his favorite employee and he wanted to make your day easier. He'd been coming here for a while but you always forgot how tall he was and how good his body felt pressed against yours. You only knew how to mumble out a couple words because you didn't know what else to say to a man like that. "Uh sir, you don't need to-"
"Please call me anything but sir sweetheart, you know I'm not new here"
Bookstore Customer!Jason enjoyed teasing his favorite employee aka you of course. He teases you about working at the bookstore even though he's constantly there and he'll always be flirting with you even if you're working the counter that day. He knows he's holding up the line but he's a paying customer so he doesn't care.
"How's my favorite pretty girl doing?"
"M'tired today Jay, I can't handle your nonsense right now"
"Okay that was mean- wait, Jay? that's a first"
"Buy a book or get out Jason"
You could easily tell Jason liked classics and poetry but for some reason he was willing to read your favorites even if they were a smut-filled mess. One time, he backed you up into a corner, after reading one of those books you liked, "Hmm, you like this kind of shit baby? cause I can do all that to you and so much more"
Over time, you learned that Jason also likes to follow you to the store, whispering to you about all the things he could do to you if you'd let him. His hand is always on your hips, pressing his body fully into you. He knows you like it especially when you roll your hips into his when nobody's looking. He wishes you'd use your words and just say you were his but he knew he wasn't even close to getting that, at least not yet.
Jason tried to buy a new book every week, sometimes not even to read. He needed an excuse to be there since your boss has never been fond of him ever since he had caught him feeling you up near the back shelves once. He learned his lesso so now he purposefully buys the books you like, just so he can watch you ramble on and on about them without getting kicked out of the store.
Bookstore Customer!Jason thrived on the feeling he got from watching you go from being so nonchalant around him to the most talkative girl in the world. he wants you comfortable if he's going to fuck you. You find yourself shutting up one time because you thought you had bored him but he quickly gets rid of that thought for you, "Keep talking sweetheart, I'm just wondering how pretty your mouth would look with my cock stuffed down your throat"
"Jay I don't- I can't- I haven't-"
"Don't worry, you will and I'm sure you're a fast learner"
It wasn't that hard for you to notice that Jason got a little jealous when his brother Dick hits on you the first and last time he brings him to the bookstore. Dick easily chats you up and Jason watches the two become a bit too friendly for his liking but it wasn't his place to speak, "Now I see why my little brother brings home so many books"
"It's good he does, I like guys who read"
"I actually quite the fan of classic literature-"
"Oh shut up Dick"
Bookstore Customer!Jason had all your coworkers wondering if you'll ever let the poor guy hit. They weren't sure if Jason was interested in you or your body, regardless they couldn't ignore the smile you got whenever he walk in. Or the way you'd laugh at his dumb jokes. You had him on a leash and you didn't even know what to do with him. He's begging to take you out or just even spent a night with you. He didn't just want you, he needed you. "C'mon I promise to take care of you princess, I'll even take you to that little coffee shop in Bludhaven"
"Who told you about that?!"
"…Dick"
When he finally manages to convince you to let him kiss you, you're nervous as fuck. You thought this was just another one of his antics but no, this was real. He'd promised to stop hitting on you if you felt nothing and you should've know it was bad idea when you could hear your own heartbeat still your let his lips touch yours. It was such a bad idea because before you knew it, he's got you pushed up against the wall, leg parting your thighs with your hands gripping at his shirt. "Jay, more please" Suddenly after all this time, you're pleading for him. Oh how the tables have turned. You're begging for all he's got, and you know he has so much more to give.
"Just give me a moment baby, got be patient" Within a matter of minutes your pants are discarded on the floor, and your panties are still on but being pushed aside while two fingers are being pumped in and out of your pussy. He's got one hand on your hips holding you down while one of your legs is wrapped around his waist. "Didn't I tell you I could do some much for you baby?"
You nod quickly while he's sucking on your poor neck, that would definitely be red all tomorrow. you feel his teeth sink into your skin, not too hard but rough enough to leave a mark. "Now keep quiet, I don't want any of your coworkers hearing us back here" The next thing you know you're cumming on the boy's fingers and he wants you to do it again. and again. and possibly 50 more times if you're willing.
The next time Jason comes, he's holding what you think is flowers and you know he'll be your victim today.
"So I thought real flowers would be cheesy and you'd probably not want to take care of em, so my brothers taught me how to make these paper flowers and…here just take them"
"Wow, I'm getting hand-crafted flowers from THE Jason Todd? Someone must have a really big crush on me huh? Are those bandaids on your fingers? Want me to kiss your boo-boos? "
"Are you going to finally go out with me or do I have to make you cum-"
"Yes yes! Just do not finish that sentence out loud"
"You are soooooooooo in love me"
"Jay, get out"
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fatecantstopme · 28 days
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Lustful Agony
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Pairing: Bucky Barnes x plus size!reader
Summary: It's sex pollen, aka my favorite trope.
Warnings: cursing, use of pet names, an insane amount of smut, dubcon (cuz sex pollen), unprotected sex (p in v), oral (F receiving), masturbation (F).
"Would you please be careful?" you snapped.
Your partner froze and offered you a sheepish smile. "Sorry, doc. I wasn't paying attention."
"I noticed," you huffed. "There are any number of things in here that could kill us, so tread lightly."
"Maybe I should wait here."
You glanced in his direction and nodded. "You know what? Good idea. Stay there and don't touch anything."
You continued on through the dusty lab, hoping to find at least one working computer, but after 20 minutes, it seemed hopeless. Every computer had been destroyed and most of the paper files had been shredded or burned. All that remained was hundreds of glass vials filled with various liquids and gases that did gods-only-knew what.
"I'm starting to think this might be a burn and run," you called back to Bucky--still standing where you'd left him on the other side of the lab.
"If we blow this place, is there gonna be a toxic cloud?"
You shot an annoyed look in his direction. "I said 'burn', James, not 'blow'. We're not blowing up a lab filled with unknown chemicals and biological agents."
"Right, yeah." He looked at the ground, feeling slightly embarrassed. He always seemed to make a fool of himself in front of you and he hated it. He never wanted to be the fool, especially around you.
Your well-trained eyes scanned the room again before falling on a secured biological containment chamber. You knew that would be the best option for storing items for burning. All you'd need to do was get all the bio vials into the chamber and light it up.
You crossed the room to the chamber, feeling Bucky's eyes following you. He hated being in a position where he felt like he couldn't protect you, but he was out of his element here. As the resident hazardous materials expert, this was your area of brilliance.
You grumbled in annoyance when you noticed the lock on the containment chamber was activated. You were familiar with this particular model, and if you were lucky, these Hydra assholes hadn't been smart enough to bother changing the code. You input the pin, silently crossing your fingers, a smile spreading across your face when you heard the distinct sound of the mechanism unlocking.
You lifted the hood slowly, hoping to find the chamber empty. You had a momentary thought that you and Bucky should be wearing appropriate PPE, but the thought occurred to you too late.
A sound of surprise escaped your lips as a puff of sweet-smelling pink dust blew into your face from inside the cabinet. The tactical suit and gloves you were wearing did nothing to protect your respiratory system from the unknown substance.
The dust seemed to dissolve almost instantly, fading into nothingness before you could even alert Bucky to the hazard. He, of course, had heard your surprised gasp, thanks to his super soldier hearing.
"Doc? Everything okay?" he called worriedly.
"Not sure," you replied. "I, uh, I got hit in the face with some pink dust...and I'm willing to bet it's not fairy dust."
Bucky's blood ran cold. "Pink dust?"
"Yeah, smelled like some kind of super sweet candy--or those sugary wine coolers I drank in college."
Any color that remained in Bucky's face quickly drained. "Look at me."
His tone was so firm, it frightened you. Bucky normally joked around with you, but you could hear the fear in his voice and it scared you more than anything else.
You turned to face him and his expression confirmed your fears. "Do you know what it is?"
Bucky nodded. "I think so, but we won't know for sure for at least 30 minutes, possibly longer."
"Am I going to die?" your voice was so soft--so small--that even he almost didn't hear it.
"Not if I can help it."
When your eyes met his piercing blue orbs, he could see the terror reflected in them. He wanted to go to you, help you, but he knew he couldn't--not if you still had even the slightest trace of the dust on you.
"You need to rinse off before we get out of here," Bucky said calmly. "If it's what I think it is, then I can't get that stuff anywhere near me."
"Why? What'll happen?"
Bucky's gaze didn't quite meet yours. "I will tear you apart and not even realize it."
His words cut you like a knife. You knew deep in your soul Bucky would never hurt you, but if this substance could turn him into a wild animal, you wondered what the hell it was going to do to you.
You'd spotted a decontamination area when you'd first entered the lab, so you slowly made your way there, careful to avoid getting anywhere near Bucky.
Bucky radioed in to Sam to give him an update on the situation. You heard him describing what had happened and asking for another team to be sent in to destroy the facility.
You stood under the spray of the shower head and let the water pummel your skin. The pressure was almost painful, but you knew it was necessary to ensure the substance was no longer on your skin. You'd inhaled it, so you were screwed, but there was no reason for Bucky to be too.
After several minutes, you felt comfortable saying you were clean. You just wanted to get the hell out of this lab and back home.
You voiced as much to Bucky, but he shook his head slowly. "You're not gonna make it all the way home, (Y/N)."
You didn't like Bucky's use of your first name in this context...he always called you 'doc', and the change made you feel like death was around the corner.
Your face must have given away your fear because he continued. "I just mean you won't make it home before the symptoms start. Once they do, you won't want to be around anyone."
"So what do we do?"
"Safe house. It's our only option."
You groaned inwardly. You had zero desire to stay in that drafty little cabin another night, but you trusted Bucky's instincts, so you simply nodded.
Bucky was quick to usher you back to the quinjet, filling you in on his conversation with Sam. "He'll send in another team in full Level A hazmat gear. They'll take care of the place."
"Okay."
"You alright, doc? How you feelin'?"
"I feel fine so far. Just moderately terrified."
"Don't be. You're gonna be fine."
You wanted to believe him--really you did--but there was something in his voice that made you question if he even believed it.
By the time the jet touched down by the cabin, 25 minutes had passed since the moment of infection. Bucky still hadn't told you what you were dealing with and it was driving you insane.
You followed Bucky into the cabin and watched him drop his bag on the floor. He turned to look at you, eyes clearly sizing you up, checking to see if you were okay.
"Just tell me," you whispered--somewhere between a plea and a demand.
He sighed deeply. "How do you feel?"
You closed your eyes and took mental stock of your body, seeking anything out of the ordinary. "I feel hot, but that could just be the anxiety."
"How hot?"
"I don't know, like feverish, I guess."
Bucky groaned and the sound sent a wave of need through your body--a need that shocked you to your very core. This was absolutely not the time for your stupid crush to rear its head.
"Please don't hit me, okay? I'm just gonna touch your hand."
"Why would I hit you?" you asked a second before his flesh hand met yours. The feeling was pleasant and it warmed you from the inside out, until he removed his hand. You inhaled sharply as an intense pain you couldn't describe shot through you.
Bucky jerked his hand away, his worst fears confirmed. "I know what it is."
"Please," you whimpered.
"It's a biological agent Hydra developed when their attempts to make a useable super soldier serum failed. It was designed to induce a euphoric sexual state that would result in agony and possible death if penetrative sex was not performed and an orgasm was not achieved."
"I'm sorry, what?"
"Hydra believed they could create super soldiers the old fashion way--by breeding them. Sprinkle some of the magic dust on a super soldier and he'd fuck his way through a room full of women without a single care for their well-being. They called it 'sex pollen'."
Your breathing was labored as pain began to spread through your body. You tried desperately to ignore it and focus on Bucky's words. "What happened?"
Bucky couldn't look at you as he responded softly, "None of the women survived the mating process."
You realized now what he'd meant back at the lab. You didn't really want to know, but you found yourself asking the question anyway, "Did they do it to you?"
Bucky closed his eyes, desperately trying to push the dark memories back down. "Yeah. They did."
"I'm sorry," you whispered.
Bucky shook his head, banishing the memories. "It doesn't matter. What matters now is how we handle this."
"If the sex pollen had that kind of effect on a super soldier, what's it gonna do to me?"
"I imagine it's going to be significantly worse for you if you don't...umm--if you don't reach climax."
"So I have to orgasm? Seriously?"
"I wish it were that simple."
Before you could respond, you doubled over in pain, an agonized groan escaping your parted lips.
Bucky rushed to you without thinking and laid his hands on your arms. You let out a pained whine and he pulled away, suddenly remembering what was happening.
"It feels like my skin is on fire," you cried.
"I know, doll. I know."
It was killing Bucky not to be able to help you. He was your protector in every situation, but he couldn't protect you from this. He knew exactly what kind of hell you were in for and it nearly broke him.
The waves of pain subsided and you were able to pull yourself upright. "Well this is fun," you mumbled.
"It's gonna get worse, (Y/N). Much, much worse."
"That's comforting, Buck. Thank you."
He gave you a sad look. "You can't do this alone."
"What do you mean?"
"The pollen was designed to force the creation of life...the only way to alleviate the pain is to give the pollen what it wants."
Your brain had become too muddled to understand what he was saying. "Plain English, Buck. Please."
"You, uh, you have to have sex."
"So you're saying I can't just masturbate this away?"
Bucky shook his head. "You have to have sex and your partner has to umm--ejaculate inside you."
Another wave of pain raked its claws through your skin, but you managed to stay upright this time. "What happens if I don't?"
You saw the look of sadness on Bucky's face and you knew you wouldn't like his answer. "You'll die."
"Well, fuck." You winced, reaching out to grab the back of the couch for stability. The pain was only increasing and you knew it was a matter of time before you couldn't take it any longer. "How sure are you that I'll die?"
"I mean, I don't know any regular humans that survived contact with the pollen. They were used as test subjects during its creation."
"I swear, Hydra gets more disgusting every time I learn something new."
Bucky was dying to help you. Seeing you in pain was agonizing for him and he knew his pain paled in comparison to yours. He would do anything for you--all you need do was ask.
"I'm gonna try waiting it out," you said firmly.
"What?" Bucky said, shock evident in his tone.
"I'm sure as hell not gonna force you to fuck me, Bucky. So I'm gonna wait it out."
"(Y/N), you're not forcing me to do anything. I'm offering to help. I don't want you to die."
You shook your head. "I'd rather die than force you into this."
"I'm offering--"
"Don't," you snapped. "No matter what you say, I'm going to feel like I'm forcing you to do something and I can't deal with that. So please, let me try to handle this alone."
Bucky knew for a fact he could overpower you with ease, especially when you were in such a state. He could make the pain stop and you would be glad for it in the moment. But he couldn't do it. He would never ever hurt you like that, even if it meant watching you die. It just wasn't something he was capable of.
"Okay, doll."
You could tell he didn't want to agree, but you were glad he wasn't arguing. All you wanted to do was tear your clothes off and try to find some sort of relief. The fire burning under your skin was intensifying by the second.
"I'm gonna take a cold shower and lock myself in the bedroom. Please stay out here."
Bucky simply nodded. He wanted to sit on this couch and listen to the sounds of your pain about as much as he wanted to get shot in the face. But he respected you too much to ignore your wishes.
You dragged yourself into the bathroom and stripped down to nothing before climbing into the cold shower. The frigid water seemed to help at first, but you discovered the effects were short-lived.
You leaned your head against the cold tile and let out a pained sob. You wanted the pain to stop so badly, but you didn't want to involve Bucky. You couldn't. Bucky was your closest friend and partner. His was the relationship you valued most in life and you wouldn't risk it for anything. It didn't matter you were in love with him. It didn't matter you'd wanted him from the moment you'd laid eyes on him. What mattered is you knew he didn't feel the same.
Bucky had a new girl in his bed several times a week. You were pretty sure you'd never seen the same girl twice in the three years you'd known him. Each one was a tall, blonde, model-thin, gorgeous woman. You didn't check a single one of those boxes. You didn't think Bucky was shallow, he just had a type. He was one of the hottest men you'd ever seen, so it only made sense for him to be with the hottest women.
You didn't think you were ugly, by any means. You just weren't his type. You were shorter, very curvy, girl-next-door average. You'd accepted it long ago and vowed to never tell him how you felt for fear of jeopardizing your friendship. Your current situation was as close as you could get to your biggest fear and you weren't willing to risk it. You loved him too much to lose him entirely. Even if he insisted he was willing to help, you knew he would come to regret it. Things would be awkward between you and eventually your friendship would come to an end.
"Not worth the risk," you muttered to yourself.
The cooling effects of the shower had long since worn off, so you turned off the water and grabbed a towel. As you wrapped it around your body, you found it was too small to cover everything and the scratchy material was painful against your overly sensitive skin.
You dropped the towel to the ground and opened the door a crack. "Bucky?"
"Yeah, doll?"
"Um, the towel hurts my skin, so um...please don't look while I walk to the bedroom."
Bucky inhaled deeply, calming himself. Sure, he wasn't impacted by the pollen, but the fact that your naked body was a few feet away from him certainly did.
"I'll close my eyes."
You tentatively opened the door and peeked out. You could see Bucky sitting on the couch, eyes closed as promised. You quickly rushed from the bathroom to the open bedroom door, shutting it behind you. In your haste to get out of sight, you neglected to lock the door.
You nearly collapsed onto the bed, the need to feel some relief the only thing on your mind. Normally, you would have been embarrassed to even consider touching yourself when Bucky was so close by, but this was an extreme circumstance. You mentally told yourself you needed to be quiet at the very least, given his excellent hearing.
You tried to get as comfortable as you could, but it was impossible. The only parts of your body that didn't ache were the ones you were actively touching. You slipped your dominant hand between your legs and felt another wave of embarrassment hit when you felt just how wet you were.
The moment your fingers brushed between your folds, you let out a loud moan. You slapped your hand across your mouth and hoped Bucky mistook the sound for one of pain.
Bucky was breathing heavily as he sat on the couch less than 10 feet from the bedroom door. He could hear every tiny little sound you made, even as you desperately tried to stay quiet.
He knew he shouldn't be turned on by those sounds--not when you were experiencing something so awful--but he couldn't help it. He'd dreamed of hearing you moan for him a hundred times before. It took all his will-power to not bust down that door and give you what you needed.
You let out a particularly obscene moan and Bucky had to stifle his own. His cock strained against his pants and he hated himself for being turned on. He tried to tell himself it wasn't his fault--he'd wanted you for years--but he couldn't shake the feeling of shame.
Ten minutes went by and the sounds coming from the bedroom continued. Bucky gripped the back of the couch with all his strength, determined to not give himself even a modicum of pleasure from this.
Another five minutes passed and he heard you let out a pained sob. His heart skipped a beat and he listened closely for any more noise. He heard the distinct sounds of you crying and his resolve broke. He immediately went to your door and knocked.
"Doll? You okay?"
"It hurts so much," you whimpered.
He leaned his forehead against the door. "I know, sweetheart. Please let me help you. Please."
He could hear you writhing around on the bed, whimpers of pain reaching his ears and making him tear up.
"I can't--it didn't work," you cried. "I'm so hot--it hurts."
"Please, baby," Bucky begged. He placed his hand on the doorknob, dying to turn it and get to you.
"Bucky," you whimpered.
The pain in that one simple word made his decision for him. He turned the knob and was surprised to find the door unlocked. He opened the door a crack, but kept his eyes away from the bed.
"Let me help you," he pleaded again.
Your eyes roamed his gorgeous figure and you let out a choked sob. Nothing else mattered in that moment--all you could think about was him.
"Make it stop," you begged him.
Bucky's eyes snapped open, meeting yours in a desperately hungry look. He didn't say a word, didn't even allow his brain to process the deeper meaning of what he was about to do. You'd asked him to help you--to stop the pain--so that was exactly what he was going to do.
He stripped out of his tactical suit as fast as possible, leaving himself in his boxer briefs, cock straining to be set free.
You reached out a hand to him and he went to you without a thought. He climbed onto the bed, hovering over you as his eyes scanned your face.
"Are you sure about this, doll?" he asked softly.
"I need you," you whimpered back.
Those three little words shattered the sliver of resolve he'd had left. His lips met yours in a hungry, devouring kiss--all teeth and tongue. His hands latched onto your soft curves, touching every inch of skin he could reach.
Everywhere he touched felt like ice against your burning skin. The sensation both incredible and painful all at once. Whatever bit of shyness or insecurity you had was wiped away by the sheer intensity of it all.
Bucky's lips attacked your neck, your jaw, your collarbone--nipping and sucking bruising marks into your skin. While it felt good, it wasn't nearly enough.
"Need more."
Bucky nudged his knee between your legs to spread them wider for him. "I know, baby. I know."
He quickly descended down to your aching core, blowing hot air against it in a teasing manner. You whined and scratched at his scalp, reminding him this was not the time for teasing.
He flicked his tongue between your pussy lips, seeking out your clit immediately. The second his tongue brushed against it, you cried out in pleasure--the first real feeling of relief you'd had since you'd been infected.
Bucky smiled to himself as he settled in to properly feast on your pussy, reveling in the essence of you against his tongue, invading all of his senses.
You gripped his hair in one hand and the sheet in the other, gyrating wildly as Bucky ate you with abandon. The pleasure was blinding, but you could still feel the undercurrent of raging fire flowing through your veins.
Bucky seemed to instinctively know exactly what you enjoyed, following your body like he had a roadmap to your pleasure points. He sent you over the edge with ease three times before finally coming up for air.
You reached for him, still hungry for more. "Bucky."
"I'm here, baby." He kissed you deeply, hands gripping your hips tightly. He wanted to take his time with you, but he knew he couldn't--you needed more from him and you needed it now.
He was quick to discard his underwear before lining himself up with your entrance. His cock nudged against your aching hole and you both moaned.
"Please, please, please, please..." you begged.
Bucky knew what you needed and he wasted no time sheathing himself inside of you. You cried out in pain as his cock stretched you more than you'd ever experienced before. The pain quickly subsided into pleasure and the pollen seemed to sense its purpose was near.
You felt a surge of need and you begged him to fuck you. "I need it, please, Bucky."
"I've got you, sweetheart." He began to thrust gently, trying his best not to hurt you. The sensations began to overwhelm him as much as they were overwhelming you, prompting him to move faster--losing himself in the feeling of you.
"Fuck, baby. You take my cock so well."
Your pussy fluttered in response, a soft whine escaping your lips.
"Best pussy I've ever had. So tight and wet for me. Made for me, weren't you?"
You nodded rapidly, not really registering what he was saying.
"How many times you think I can make you cum, baby? Six? Seven? Think the pollen can get you there?"
Your eyes widened at his words. Unsure if that was possible even with pollen.
Bucky grinned down at you. "I think I can get seven. Bet this pussy will give me whatever I want, won't she? Gonna make my girl scream my name all night long."
You felt the coil in your belly snap as another orgasm rushed through you. You clung to Bucky, a string of profanity spilling past your lips.
Bucky didn't let you come down from it before pushing your body towards another orgasm. He wanted to feel you gripping his cock like this as long as possible--especially since he might never feel it again.
"Baby, you feel so good," he murmured, placing soft kisses to your face. "Love the way you're squeezing me."
"Feels so good, Bucky," you moaned.
"Fuck, been wanting to hear you say that for so long. Needed to be inside this tight little pussy so badly. It's better than I ever imagined."
Somewhere in the back of your mind, you wanted to ask what he meant--if he'd really imagined it, but you were too far gone to articulate a coherent thought.
As another orgasm crashed into you, you momentarily wondered if it was possible to die from overwhelming pleasure. You'd been in so much pain for so long and the sudden change to blinding pleasure was incredible. It was unlike anything you'd ever experienced.
"How many more can you give me, sweetheart?"
"Wanfeelcum," you mumbled incoherently.
"What was that, baby? Too fucked out to speak?"
"Wanna feel you cum, Bucky," you begged.
He was already so close to the edge he nearly lost control at the sound of your voice. But if he was being honest with himself, he didn't want this to end. He was scared if he came, if he gave you what you needed, then you'd be satiated and it would all be over.
"Need to feel you cum on my cock at least one more time, baby."
You whimpered, but nodded your consent.
Bucky picked up the pace, hitting your sweet spot with each thrust. You weren't sure whether it was the pollen or his skill, but you went flying over the edge of blinding pleasure with an intensity you'd never experienced. You screamed his name as the waves crashed over you, pussy gushing juices as you squirted all over his cock and abdomen.
"Fuck yeah, baby. So fucking sexy..." he murmured. "Gonna fill you up. Give you what you want."
"Want your cum," you begged.
"That's right, pretty girl. Gonna give you my cum. Fill up this sweet pussy till you're stuffed."
"Yes, Bucky! Please!"
Bucky's hips stuttered as he came, filling your pussy with ropes of warm cum. Bucky kept thrusting slowly as he whispered your name into your skin over and over like a prayer.
Slowly, the haze created by the sex pollen began to fade, leaving you completely blissed out. Awareness of what you'd done began to creep in, but the feel of Bucky's weight on top of you kept you in the moment.
He finally slowed to a halt, but his lips were still pressing into your hot skin. After several more moments, he raised himself up just enough to kiss you sweetly, making sure you felt his adoration.
The moment he rolled off you, the full weight of what you'd done hit you like a ton of bricks. If your body would have cooperated, you would have turned over onto your side, curled up in a ball, and cried.
Bucky felt the sudden shift in your demeanor and he felt his heart clench in his chest. "(Y/N/N)..."
"I'm sorry," you whispered.
Surprise lit up his face. "What?"
"I shouldn't have done that--I'm so sorry."
"I'm gonna stop you right there." He sat up a little so he could look down at your face. You wouldn't meet his gaze, but he continued anyway. "Don't you dare think for a single second that I did something I didn't want to do. You were in pain and I couldn't let that stand. I would do anything for you, (Y/N). Anything. I don't regret it and I'd do it again in a heartbeat."
Your eyes finally raised to meet his and you saw nothing but honesty in his gaze. You knew he cared about you, but you were still worried you'd crossed a line neither of you could come back from.
Bucky stared at your face, taking in just how incredibly beautiful you were. He was trying to commit it to memory--never wanting to forget any bit of it.
"Thank you," you whispered.
Bucky shook his head. "You don't have to thank me, doll. Like I said, I wanted to." He paused for a moment, a silent war raging inside of him. He seemed to make a decision and once he did, the words just flowed from his mouth. "I mean it, (Y/N). I've wanted to for years--wanted you for years. I never wanted it to happen like this, but fuck baby...here we are. I would do anything you asked of me, okay? I'll rip my own heart out and light it on fire if you ask me to. So if you ask me to pretend this never happened, I will, but I need you to know I don't want to. I want to make love to you over and over again, hear you scream my name, watch your beautiful face as you fall apart for me...I want you. I will always want you."
You were completely breathless by the time he stopped talking. The words coming out of his mouth weren't what you'd ever expected to hear. "You want me?"
"I've always wanted you. Every part of you. Inside and out."
"What about all the other women?"
"What?"
"The ones you bring home all the time."
He touched your face gently, turning your head to look at him directly. "They're fine for a night, but they're not you. They were a poor substitute for the woman I really wanted, but couldn't have."
"Bucky..."
He looked a little crestfallen, mistaking your tone for rejection. "It's okay if you don't feel the same--"
Your hand gently pressed against his lips, shutting him up instantly. "If I could move properly, I would have kissed you to shut you up."
His eyes lit up and a small smile played on his lips.
"Of course I feel the same. Of course I want you. I only pushed you away tonight because I didn't want to lose you. I was afraid you would regret it."
He leaned down so he was inches away from your lips. "Oh sweetheart, I could never regret anything to do with you."
Your lips curled up in a sweet smile. "Really?"
"Mhmm."
"Buck?"
"Hmm?"
"Any chance we can make love? I wanna be in the moment...really in it."
"Right now?" he asked in surprise.
You nodded.
His lips met yours in a loving kiss. "I'm more than happy to oblige."
You grinned as he rolled back on top of you, lips pressing against yours hungrily.
"I'll make love to you as many times as you want. Whatever you want, I'll give you. Just ask."
"Anything?"
"Anything."
You smirked slowly. "Then I might have some ideas..."
"Oh really?"
"Oh yes." You pulled his face down to yours to whisper some of your inner desires into his ear.
"My god," he murmured. "You're gonna be the death of me."
You laughed lightly and he joined in before pulling you in for a passionate kiss, dead-set on giving you everything you wanted and more.
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pomefioredove · 2 months
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need overblot boys with epel, and floyd with a reader that randomly lore drops as if they're an old dad like "yeah lol my old school had a shooting once....anyways *SNOREE*" and when asked they just agree and walk away and never elaborate whatsoever💀 if you feel uncomfortable feel free to delete or ignore‼️love ya pookie💥
*ੈ✩‧₊˚ a reader with a backstory
I got u 🫡🫡
summary: wacky reader lore type of post: headcanons characters: riddle, leona, azul, floyd, jamil, vil, epel, idia, malleus additional info: romantic, reader is gender neutral, reader is yuu
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you find new ways to raise Riddle's blood pressure every day
little guy is worried enough as it is
you've already got your school work, taking care of Ramshackle, taking care of Grim, taking care of all the other freshmen, taking care of-
well... you get it
the last thing he needs is to hear another one of your stories
"oh, yeah, that's like the time I got stabbed"
"????? WHAT??"
what's entertaining to you and ADeuce is mortifying to Riddle
if you're not careful you'll end up sleeping on the floor in his room
where he can keep a close eye on you
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
you're like Leona's little court jester
and he takes you with him everywhere
it's not easy to get a genuine laugh out of him, after all
besides, what's so bad about a little dark humor? it's not like you died or anything
he knows you're a resilient little thing
and you seem to love telling him about "that time you crawled into a drainage pipe", anyway
you make him laugh; he likes you
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
Azul indulges you
his white noise machine stopped working last month and you make for excellent background ambience
so, he lets you talk yourself in circles about your school work, your friends, Grim, Grim again
and then you drop the most HEINOUS bombshells in the middle
"blah blah blah Grim, blah blah Crowley, blah blah, that one time I got lost in the woods for a day, blah blah-"
he loses his train of thought every time
now, Floyd is the complete opposite
he will hyperfocus on the most mundane details
and ignore the bombshells
will give you an, "oh, that's cool" to your ghost story but will find you the pair of socks you mentioned liking three months ago
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
Jamil is just fascinated by you
you as a person, of course
but also the fact that you're still alive
one night, he's explaining the reason he makes all of Kalim's food and you're like
"oh, yeah, I get it. I got mold poisoning once and hallucinated for a week"
?????
then you go right back to asking him about the recipe
sitting on the counter, as happy as could be
"HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE!!!"
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
Vil is used to this
he knows that look on your face
he will shush you with a finger to your lips before you even start
"don't tell me, I'm stressed enough as it is"
he's going to break out if you keep at it
he finds you quite... macabre
which is entertaining until he sees you going down a flight of stairs without holding onto the railing and remembers all those stories you'd told him
he's just... concerned for you, that's all
and he does NOT appreciate Epel for encouraging it
"tell us more about the time you fell down that hill into that pile of rocks, Prefect!"
:D
like a kid in a candy store
learning new Lore is like the highlight of his week
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
"talk about having a high luck stat..."
Idia is more entertained than anything
he thought these kinds of things only happened in anime, but...
...there you are
it sounds like you experience more in a single month than he has in his whole life
and you know what?
GOOD
you can keep your freaky real-world experiences!
he'll just live vicariously through you
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
poor Malleus
he's been putting so much effort into learning and blending with human culture, and now here you are with your terrifying stories
you tell him in such earnest, too
you seem so... unbothered by it
perhaps humans are less fragile than he thought?
of course, he shouldn't have underestimated you in the first place :)!
then you come over for dinner one night
"hahah, yeah, last time I was at someone's house their grandma threw a lamp at my head and I got a concussion"
Silver and Sebek both go >_>
Lilia goes <_<
and then Malleus is there like, "ah, another fascinating tale :)"
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