#I'm unable to write due to my shit schedule

[fishsticksloser]

Tiny little rant because I'm actually very upset. Please feel free to completely ignore this..

[namazunomegami]

in my opinion, Gege suffers from the same problem that Tite Kubo suffered from: rushing.

this is partly due to the nature of Weekly Shōnen Jump as well as his own health issues, but not completely.

Both Kubo and Gege have this problem in which they have a plan of how to get from point A to point B, but tend to not flesh that out.

However, a lot of the outrage I’m seeing towards the current situation in the manga comes from people who tend to be unable to seperate canon Gojo from fanon Gojo because when you put fanon at the back of your mind as just take Gojo and JJK as a whole (and not for what we wish they could be), the character’s reactions to what’s going on and what’s happening to Gojo do not really surprise me at all.

ANON I'M SO SORRY THAT I KEPT YOU WAITING FOR SO LONG!!! I got sick and spent most of my days with recovering. And now, with newfound strength, I'm ready to yap!! Hope you can forgive me for taking some time off from tumblr.

cw: minor spoilers from Bleach, especially from the new TYBW arc, endless yapping

I absolutely agree with you that Weekly Shounen Jump is Satan's bastard child. I'm not surprised that mangakas eventually choose another, yet a not as popular magazine for publishing. Shounen Jump also takes a lot of creative liberty from authors or not give them enough money, it doesn't matter how popular their work is (just look at poor Togashi, Shounen Jump has been slowly killing him). Literally the same thing happened to Araki and I think it's actually better that Jojo's has a monthly release schedule in terms of writing and pacing. As well as my goat Ishida Sui who got horribly burnt out by Tokyo Ghoul and now moved to Tonari Young Jump which is an even weirder kind of niche, I think they mostly publish horror and seinen but the magazine is a completely online platform. And Ishida now has an irregular release schedule, meaning he publishes a chapter whenever he feels like it. So... sometimes I don't hear anything from Choujin X for months and sometimes I get three chapters in a row every week. But I care about him and his art more than my own incapability to keep up with stuff.

The main problem (for me at least) with Bleach that it gets repetitive quickly. Substitute Shinigami arc? That's a good introduction arc tbh, sense of wonder is there, we're slowly building up the world, provide explanations at a nice pace. Ichigo was a one of a kind shounen protagonist in the early 2000s because he didn't want to save the whole world, he wasn't above to kill his enemies, he didn't want to be the Hokage/Pirate King/the Strongest/whatever, he just wanted to protect those who are close to him and couldn't give a shit about others and that's the reason he was so relatable to many readers. He was a delinquent, a punk compared to the usual happy-go-lucky protag formula.

Soul Society arc? Rukia is off to be executed and Ichigo rescues her with the help of the gang and gets a few power ups. Arrancar arc? Orihime is kidnapped by Aizen and Ichigo wants to rescue her with the help of the gang and gets a few power ups. Fullbringer arc? Sado gets friendly with Xcution and Ichigo's initial trust in them starts to crumble so he wants to protect him with the help of the gang and gets back his shinigami powers and also a few power ups. TYBW arc? Ishida betrays the gang and leaves with the nazis-but-dressed-in-white so he wants to save him with the help of the gang but oh shit the Soul King is killed he must save the whole world too and gets a few power ups. Great success!

I know, I know that's oversimplified but I love Bleach with all of its faults.

Rushing was definitely a problem with Kubo especially in the last arc. I'll forever be bitter about the ending (and no, not because of the ichiruki vs ichihime ship war, I couldn't care less but I admit that I'm an ichiruki and ulquihime fan and Studio Pierrot was always heavily biased in terms of ships) and because Kubo literally failed his own main cast.

I remember that I saw a post on DeviantArt where the original poster shared their thoughts about how they imagine the main four's ending and I'm almost completely on board with that. I can go for so, so long how Kubo did Ishida and Sado dirty, but maybe in another occassion, I'll get deeper into that.

Another problem with TYBW arc is that he made the Quincy ridiculously op. The fights weren't fair and some of the abilities are beyond of any logic (I'm looking at you Gerard, Yhwach and Pernida) and he needed a few asspulls to make the Shinigami win. And some of the truly powerful Shinigami couldn't get utilised. And Byakuya should have remained dead.

But at least I'm giving Kubo credits for that he's willing to correct his mistakes with the new seasons and the light novels.

Gege... Gege just completely lost it. His mind, the plot, character development, everything. He gets inspired by wonderful authors, but can't use them in a satisfying way, the execution is just bad. When you spend such a small amount of time to write your characters the fandom will do it, and that's why fanon Gojo and canon Gojo is just two different characters. But that's sorta true for all of the characters in the cast.

And some fans are just horribly delusional, sorry not sorry.

[non-electrical-outlet]

April 23rd, 2024

Maybe if I just use this as a free writing exercise to warm up for studying then my superego-based pressure to study every day will help me to journal every day. As a reflective tool, journaling can be a good practice for those who are still hesitant to seek out talk therapy (HealthyGamerGG), and as such I have a strong desire to implement a regular journaling practice into my life; Concurrently, perhaps due to my fluctuating mood states between days, I have found no success in this pursuit.

I find myself intermittently identifying pieces of a solution to my cluster of persistent emotional and organizational problems, but unable to piece them together into a set of habits/behaviors that will help me finally become able to do everything I need to do. My problems are a hydra with an unknown number of heads, but the problem isn't that two more grow back but rather that I haven't a blade sharp enough to even sever one. Occasionally, in the past, I have been able to sever a few heads, but left unchecked they've grown back again. Perhaps a more apt analogy is that of a garden, in which I am able to occasionally eliminate certain species of weeds. However, and quite annoyingly, without maintenance those species find their way back.

I'm doing better today than I have the past few weeks. No more clinicals to worry about for a good while. I've been running again, improving my cardiovascular and respiratory health as evidenced by increased activity tolerance. I've been getting my shit done, schoolwork wise, though perhaps not as actively studying or learning the material. I am continuing to put in more work as it is demanded of me, but my learned strategy of getting through school on the bare-minimum of effort continues to serve... for now.

Is it just the human condition to live in constant uncertainty? To always feel as though one is floundering, and yet find one's head above water? Whenever given the opportunity to talk about my goals, I tend to use the language of becoming a "functional" person. What do I even mean by this? I want to be consistent in my efforts to take care of myself. I want to brush my teeth twice a day and clean my room once a month. I want to quit vaping and keep exercising every week. I want to sleep on a regular schedule and not feel so tired all the time. I want to graduate from nursing school and finally start living my own life.

I even know, occasionally, how to do all of these things. Just somehow, as of yet, I'm not quite able to do all of them.

I know that I must do them one at a time, but it's just so frustratingly slow sometimes. I want to be better now please, no work, only better.

Wouldn't that be nice?

[diamondeyes-deluxe]

Hmmm. Things at my work are getting... weird.

I'm in housekeeping. I am one of three total employees for housekeeping. We have upwards of 80 rooms. Afaik, every one of them is booked this week.

This is bad because we, again, only have three housekeeping employees. Also, some of these rooms have not been touched since last October, and mice have gotten into them and shit and died and tore up the fabric on the curtains beds and chairs. These, obviously, take a long time to clean, not to mention the process of actually replacing the chairs and mattresses.

Again, there's only three of us.

The company refuses to hire more people. The company says we don't do flips (having someone check out of a room and then 1 hr later check in. Yes our c/ o time is 3 and our c/i time is 4....) yet they have us scheduled for at least 20 next week. Our managers our mean as fuck. They do not lend us a hand when we ask, they do not fill our requests for housekeeping supplies (disinfectant, tp, trash bags... etc). They chew us out whenever we do not get something done despite literally being unable to due to lack of supplies or manpower. My supervisor has gotten into multiple screaming matches with our managers over these things.

My supervisor put her 2 weeks in today. The other housekeeper is writing hers up.

Then it will just be me to stay on top of all bookings + clean 80ish rooms a week by myself, sometimes with only an hour between guests?? Haha what?

Obviously I am not going to do that. The company needs to hire more people and pay us all a lot more or I am leaving. What will they do with 0 housekeepers? Not my problem, they shouldn't have driven their employees away.

I can afford to leave too. There's so many more opportunities in this huge city. There's so many more used vans in good condition for sale for cheap in this city. There were rarely ever any in my hometown. I'm gonna just get one (which we can afford to get rn if we need to!) and live in it and work at like Lush or something for the literal same pay but waaaay less bullshit.

I mean I'm gonna try to tough it out but... I have a bad feeling about how things are going to be once the others leave. Not that I blame them at all. We all just gotta take care of ourselves.

[boys-reverie]

I'm in a violent mood. Five-hundred one words.

You hear a sudden dull yet loud thud, followed by screams. You were studying in the lounge, Devildom history. A textbook and stationary spread out across the coffee table. You just had to start shit now, hm?

Fights are common in the House of Lamentation, they're practically ingrained within the family. Weekly events, they are, to the point you're able to schedule when you should go out in order to avoid the trouble.

This fell out of your foresight though. Investigating further, you found Leviathan going off on Mammon in the entrance hall. It seemed to be their typical spat: Mammon once more unable to repay Leviathan due to his other debts. What wasn't as typical was that Mammon was in his demon form.

Such was a regular thing with Leviathan, he got worked up easily. But now Mammon was shoving at Levi, "I don't have your money, you pathetic freak! Get off my back for two damn seconds!"

This only served to fan at the building flame in Leviathan, "Why the hell should I, you money-grubbing lowlife?! You've been taking and taking and taking for years! You deserve nothing!" Leviathan lashes out physically, a gash is created in Mammon's exposed chest by his claws.

The air grows tense and suffocating, and you're just there. In the doorway. With wide eyes and a tight grasp on the frame. They don't even notice you. All they know now is that blood has been shed and they want more in the water.

Mammon lunges at his younger brother and knocks them down to the floor. He has a wild grin on his face as he sits atop Leviathan. He positions himself so his knee is digging into his chest. Leviathan is trying to scratch at his brother's face but Mammon only starts punching his in response.

A sob racks your form as Leviathan lets out yowls and yelps, each one more agonizing than the last. And they don't hear you as your knees go weak and you hit the floor. They don't hear you as your breathing becomes erratic.

It continues when Leviathan pushes Mammon off and barely takes a second to actually fucking breathe again before he's standing up and retaliating. He's goes for his neck, hoping to deprive him of the same oxygen he was.

When he finally pulls away he deliberately rakes his claws against his neck and throat. It's slow at first, just dots across the lines but then it starts dribbling down his neck. He's coughing. There's blood. It splatters onto Leviathan already bloody and broken face.

You scream. This wasn't okay. You begin banging your head against the frame you still hold so desperately for some sense of ground in the purgatory-like otherworld where it seemed the only concept known to the creatures inhabiting it was violence.

Then they notice you, the defenseless, sobbing human. Your high-pitched, incessant cries piercing their heads in a way that just makes them want to shut you up. So they do.

Thanks for reading. Once more I tried my hand at writing and I think it went pretty okay.

[silverislander]

i honestly would drop this fucking writing course if i still could i'm so goddamn frustrated with it, and yall KNOW how bad i wanted this/how much i love to write so that means smth. it's like it was set up to torment me specifically. "oh here's everything you want to learn but it's actively adhd/autism/nd-hostile"

no schedule, prof is LITERALLY making it up in class in front of us from week to week and frequently forgets/gets confused in making them herself

no grading guidelines- i had to ask for a rough idea of how we're getting graded and even then, she didn't give a very informative answer

only received my first grade after doing four assignments already, which isn't exactly fucking helping me improve, esp since our grades are based on continuous improvement

prof doesn't appreciate fantasy or horror... this is a comparatively v small complaint bc she still allows us to submit whatever we want to write but like. man. even the horror i would sort of get, everyone has limits and it can be a tough read, but all of her prompts are really only applicable to modern-day realism bc you have to base them on smth you experienced and "make us question the line between fiction and reality" so.

the amt of work varies WILDLY due to the schedule issues- this week (beginning of midterms!) i have a 2000 word story and at least 10 250 word reviews due by tomorrow, which i've only had a week to complete... during fucking midterm study. IT'S A CREATIVE WRITING COURSE. i get more notice for 2 page essays in any other course jesus fucking christ

has moved physical rooms bc. she didn't like the first one, so now i'm confused half the time and don't remember where to go. she also doesn't have a key to the new room, so we have to call a security guard to unlock it and it frequently makes us late to start and subsequently late getting out, which is Upsetting for me, why can we not stay on schedule i am on campus for 9+hrs

did i mention this class is 7pm-9:30pm. with one less than 10min break.

prof fucking REFUSES to answer emails despite making email the one way to contact her... i emailed her once on a thursday afternoon and didn't get a response until tuesday afternoon, which was one day before the deadline and too fucking late to change shit if i had been wrong

no clear guidelines as to where/how to submit work, which is a weekly struggle

prof is literally making up terms i am NOT KIDDING. she's speaking in fucking riddles my god. nothing she's requested us to write has been a real term, and i've googled them to check

also writes her assignment guidelines in her creative writing style instead of just giving us the basic info, i.e. one page rambling abt the topic, one paragraph of actual vague guidelines

0 forgiveness for missing dates/being unable to make class/etc. one girl said on the first day that she couldn't make next week's deadlines bc she has a full time job and a family and the prof's response was "well, i guess you're going to have to drop this course". and she DID

if you email her a question she Will make it obvious in front of the class who asked

all i wanted was to enjoy meeting other writers and to try to improve my own work but i'm stressed out of my fucking mind bc she can't be assed to actually do her job. i've had genuine actual stress dreams about this fucking class (among others but besides the point). the total lack of consistency is killing me

and i didn't get that one singular grade until after the 75% drop date, which means if i drop it now i at BEST get 25% of my money back, and it's way too late to try to pick up another class as a replacement. this is all bullshit i fucking hate this

[thegreaterlink]

Reviewing Star Trek TNG - S1E22 “Skin of Evil”

I'm all up to date again!

I'll admit that I was slacking off a bit on writing these reviews, but then I watched this episode and I needed to talk about it so badly that I churned out the reviews for the past few episodes in a day or two. Is this how it feels to be productive?

Anyway, I have a whole backlog of reviews which I have scheduled to release one per day at random times. Hell, at the time this was posted I was on the third episode of season 2.

Also, this review is going to be a lot more bitter and sarcastic than usual. Just a heads-up if reading someone being salty over a TV show episode isn’t your thing.

On the other hand, if you just want to see me suffer through another episode of this aggressively mediocre first season, welcome back and enjoy! And buckle up; this is going to be a long one.

Spoiler alert I guess.

THE PREMISE

The Enterprise receives a distress call from a shuttlecraft transporting Counsellor Troi back from a conference. They find that a shuttle has crashed on the desolate planet Vagra II, and while Troi and the shuttle's pilot are still alive, the crew are unable to beam them up.

An away team consisting of Riker, Data, Yar and Dr Crusher beam down to the planet within metres of the crashed shuttle, they are encountered by an animated pool of a tar-like substance which calls itself Armus and refuses to let them pass.

MY REVIEW

Tasha Yar is dead. Yep. She’s dead. How did she die? She was psychically backhanded by some sentient pile of shit like a common redshirt because it refused to let them pass.

Dr Crusher rushes to Yar’s side, scans her with some medical gizmo, then says “She’s dead.”

My actual verbal response when she said that was “you’re fucking kidding.”

But she isn’t. They rush Yar to sickbay, try everything they can, but to no avail. And just like that, one of the main cast is dead for good. Not since Deep Space Nine has a major character death felt so cheap. And at least that character had several seasons of development and was actually killed by one of the main villains. They even give Yar a nice scene with Worf at the start to trick us into caring about a character with next to no focus.

My research shows that Denise Crosby asked to be released from her contract due to unhappiness with her character’s development, or rather the lack thereof. And I don’t blame her in the slightest. But Crosby has said that if she had just had some more scenes like her interaction with Worf here to endear her to the audience and develop her as a character, then she wouldn’t have left.

Gene Roddenberry himself argued in favour of her sudden death, as he felt it was suitable for a security officer. That may be true, but as evidenced by the reaction of yours truly, killing off a main character out of the blue with zero buildup probably won't go over that well with the viewers.

At the end of the episode, the crew holds a memorial for her on the holodeck, which looks like a Windows XP background, where the crew watch a holographic message of Yar telling them how much they each meant to her.

Yet at the end of it… I felt nothing. And do you know why? Because the whole scene is Yar telling us her relationship with each of the crew members, relationships which - and as someone who’s been binge-watching this season you can take my word for it - have sadly barely received any development onscreen. The writers were telling me why I should care about a character who they clearly didn’t give two shits about.

Don’t get me wrong, I like Tasha Yar and Denise Crosby made her memorable even if the character usually took a back seat, but something like this is just cheap and manipulative. They’re trying to have a Wrath of Khan moment without any proper buildup or character development! Spock died after sacrificing himself to save the Enterprise, but Yar died after getting bitch-slapped by a sentient tar pit!

Yar hints at a troubled past before she joined Starfleet, a troubled past which was never explored and now probably never will be. At least Ron Jones’ music is great.

Okay, I’m done ranting. Time to review the rest of this episode.

The villain, Armus, is a complete joke. His design is basically “what if tar, but bad?” He displays some nebulous abilities such as taking control of the crew and placing an energy field around Troi’s shuttle, but there is never any feeling of threat or danger because he utterly fails as a villain. He kills a main character with a single blow, and yet he isn’t threatening in the slightest!

And yet the writers have the fucking audacity to try to make him somewhat sympathetic by giving him a backstory of being a physical manifestation of evil from an ancient race, left to rot on the planet. Even the greatness of Sir Patrick Stewart can't escape this utter black hole of charisma.

Gene Roddenberry strikes again, as he argued against the crew just killing Armus, saying that it's not our decision to pass moral judgement on any creature that we encounter. But if I were to encounter a creature as whiny and bland as Armus, I might just make an exception.

Anyway, the main conflict of the episode is that the crew needs to get to Troi’s shuttle to help her, since they can’t beam her up because there’s an energy field around it. Even though it’s only on the other side of the soundstage - I mean the clearing, Armus is blocking their path and is immune to phaser fire. And yet it never occurs to the crew to have the transport crew just beam them down about a dozen or so meters to the right.

It also never occurs to them to simply tell Armus that they have a Galaxy-class starship in orbit which is armed to the balls and more than capable of wiping him off the map at a moment’s notice. Sure, he can withstand a standard-issue phaser, but how would he fare against a couple of photon torpedoes? Picard may be bluffing, but Armus wouldn’t know that.

And so the actors are left to stand about on a soundstage arguing with a sentient pile of tar which refuses to let them pass. To sum up most of their scenes:

Crew: We need to get to that shuttle to help our friend. Let us pass.

Armus: No.

Crew: She needs our help!

Armus: I could kill you.

Crew: No you won’t.

Armus: ...But I could if I wanted to.

Crew: …So can we pass?

Armus: No.

Repeat for half an hour, occasionally insert some angst from Armus.

A good chunk of this episode is just a one-woman show for Marina Sirtis as Troi, as she acts off of some PA reading off Armus’ lines before they were dubbed over the scene. Her acting is good (especially her shedding actual tears during Yar's memorial), but not enough to carry scenes which are thoroughly uninteresting.

Speaking of Troi, I honestly feel bad for not noticing that she was completely absent from the past few episodes, since this episode explains that she was at some conference. Maybe Marina Sirtis just wasn't available for those episodes and they had to write this to explain it?

Also, I pity Jonathan Frakes for having to be covered from head-to-toe in black goo. I hope he got paid extra for that.

3/10 - Not the worst episode in this season, but far from anything I'd call good.

One final insult to the thoroughly wasted character of Lieutenant Tasha Yar. Denise Crosby has my full support.

Side note: It occurred to me while writing this that they never specified what they did with Yar's body, but by now I'm too pissed off to care. Fuck this episode and the horse it rode in on.

Previous Episode | TNG Masterpost | Next Episode

[alexandriteobscuraarchive]

Ten Questions for the Mun

Tagged by: @causalitylinked ((Thank you for tagging me!!))

1. When are you usually online?

Because of my work schedule (currently I work Thursday to Monday and have Tuesdays and Wednesdays off) I'm generally bound to mobile throughout the day and on my actual pc later in the evenings around 9:30-10pm. On the days I work the latest I'll usually stay up is midnight to 1am and on my days off I'm usually up until 2am to 3am. On my days off I also have a chunk of pc time in the afternoon, usually from 3pm-6pm.

2. What verses are you involved in outside of this page?

This is the only blog I have dedicated to rp, my other active blogs are personal ones. My xi/v fandom blog doesn't count lol

3. What is your biggest RP pet peeve?

I've answered this question quite a bit but another pet peeve of mine is people being unable to accept that their writing partners have lives outside of rp.

We can't all be online and productive all of the time and to compare someone's output to another mun's (as in 'so and so is a better than you or a more dedicated/invested partner than you because they're online more') is the biggest load of passive aggressive shit I have ever heard, a thing made worse because it's a mindset that can easily shift into outright aggressive harassment and hate. Respecting someone includes respecting their time and life as well.

Be grateful that they're choosing to spend what free time they have writing with you rather than making them feel bad or inferior when they can't. If you feel ignored or left out because someone isn't online as often as you'd like? Too bad. Communicate with them like a fucking adult and accept what they tell you, because chances are it's not some personal vendetta against you it's because they're busy with their actual life and they'd be online more if they could. We're all doing our best here so have actual legitimate respect for your partners and understand when they can't be here for whatever reason.

4. Are you drawn to specific types of muses?

Old men. Villains. 'Villains'. Morally questionable muses. I'm generally drawn towards writing the really complex characters that are often ignored, hated, or shallowly interpreted by their respective fandoms---which is a thing I cannot fucking stand and have ranted about at length in various ooc posts and asks so I won't do it again here. I love writing psychologically tortured and/or troubled muses, usually males. OCs are rare from me but there are a few on this blog. I'm not creative enough to write OC's get off my ass lol

5. Are there reoccurring themes in your writing that people might not notice?

Hmmm...it honestly depends on what genre I'm writing. A lot of my more thematic stuff makes an appearance when I'm writing angst or horror but a lot of the more in depth stuff would have to be gleaned due to actually speaking to me ooc at length. If someone engages in really deep discussions about a particular muse of mine I'm absolutely certain that they'll begin to notice focus points and etc within my writing because of how in depth I talk about those aspects ooc, if that makes sense? Honestly, the best people to ask about this would be @kllsworn @guardianofyesod and @magioffire, if there are people whom I trust to know how I deeply I feel about my characters and how much I utilize every bit of work I've put forth in my writing it's them!

From a purely technical standpoint my writing has definitely changed over the years---especially in regards to how I emphasize things---and I recommend not looking at my older works (as in from my og blog, the old stuff on this blog is still....serviceable shall we say, although there are marked changes there too) unless I direct you there myself.

6. What are your favourite RP trends?

idk if you'd call it a 'trend' per say but I love love love being tagged in posts and tagging people in things. Finding a musings or aesthetics post that fits a partner's muse, a ship of ours, etc, perfectly? I'll tag whomever in it so fast I'm liable to hurt my hands. This goes double when I link said post to them over on discord (with an accompaniment of joyous keysmash and all capital screeching) seconds later. it's such a small way to show that you're invested in the person you're writing with; especially the things that you're cultivating together, and it makes me really happy every time I get the chance to do it.

7. What is your process for starting a new story with someone?

With new people---especially people with OCs or with people who aren't really all that familiar with a muse I'm writing---I prefer to plot.

Plotting with me is usually a low key affair anyhow; it's basically me figuring out what someone is interested in and what triggers they might have so I can direct you towards a muse you might like rather than plotting out an entire story or thread. The only time I'll truly 'plot' something is if there's a really important story beat or idea that I want to do within an interaction and want to make sure it's okay with my partner beforehand otherwise we're winging that shit baby.

I don't mind receiving asks from newer mutuals but I'm not too keen on every single interaction having been continued from an ask. A few of these are fine but if there are a ton of them it gets hard for me to keep track of them and I just like...having an official thread with a title, a proper tag, etc. It gives me something more solid to reference back to, especially when excitedly talking about interactions and etc together.

On a more basic note: the main way to write with me is just to communicate with me. People seem to avoid doing this even after I'm the first one to approach, offer to swap discords, etc. A lot of the time people like to assume that I'm a scary or intimidating person and that I don't want to interact with them which just...isn't the case. Take the initiative and speak with me---even just a simple hello and an indication that you want to write together will do---and I'd be more than happy to work things out with you. I shouldn't have to be the one to approach people all of the time, especially considering I'm constantly offering opportunities and ways to approach me, from calls to memes and so on.

8. How do you feel about duplicates?

I am highly selective about duplicates; especially so considering my more niche characters that are usually woefully mischaracterized or under characterized, and you can read more about that in my rules if only to spare this post from multiple potentially rambling paragraphs. lol

9. How long have you been involved in roleplaying?

Years---probably too many years, honestly. I started when I was about 9 or 10 (with pen and paper) and have been on various platforms all across the internet as I grew up. Concerning tumblr I started my og blog in 2012 and then I switched everything over here in 2017 and am, unfortunately for everyone here, still around.

10. Is there a muse or verse you wish you could write in, but haven’t?

Not currently, no. I try my best not to limit or dampen myself in that way and if something or someone inspires me to write I try my best at writing it. Some of my best muses have surfaced from me being nervous to write them after all, and said nerves have only made it so I'm extra thorough in my characterization and etc! There are a few past muses from years and years ago that I do miss writing for though.

[disfordevineaux]

I don't know if you've done this before. But, do you have any Chase headcanons about his childhood or early teens? I'm kinda curious about how my favorite disaster boi could've been like back then 🤔

Chase childhood/teen/early 20s headcanons

I actually answered an ask I will link HERE with a little bit into what I think about his whole ‘growing up’ situation, if you can even call it that. I’ll delve a bit deeper into my hcs but I recommend you read that post I linked. It establishes my thoughts on his childhood to where a lot of these hcs will spawn from. So essentially this is a Part 2 of my Chase childhood headcanons. Going to focus on his late teens and early 20s.

As stated in my previous hcs Chase was an ‘orphan’ until his uncle (his mothers older brother) who magically showed up to adopt him for the government checks. His uncle was a long haul fisherman or something along those lines. This is where he officially received his last name of Devineaux once again.

I have a feeling his name wasn’t originally Chase. That being most likely his middle name or one he came up with which he changed to be his first, either shortened from something or just as is. He seems like an Alexandre to me. He would have negative connotations towards that name and preferred to decide a name a for himself rather than keeping the given name from a mother or family who didn’t really want him. He would have changed it once he left home.

No matter the living situation he was in, there wasn’t a lot of money around and if there was it wasn’t shared with him.

The majority of his teen years or the years that sculpted him into who he is now were in a town North-West of Paris along the coast. Somewhere like Dieppe, a fishing-port town.

You’d think by looking at him as an adult he was a bully or one of those ass hats at school who tried to be cool by being a dipstick or forcing a ‘class clown’ motif. In reality, he did everything in his power to blend into the shadows as he hated school, especially the social aspect of it.

Still, he was a sarcastic little shit when needed.

Spent a lot of his time outside or working dead-end jobs. Sometimes couldn’t return home or had to get into his house through a window instead of the front door.

Didn’t have many valuable possessions but had many crazy experiences like witnessing a flock of birds attack a drunk man, and won.

Was strangely optimistic about his future. Couldn’t get any worse than this, yeah? Yeah, it can and it will buddy.

Did watch Footloose religiously and intensely enjoyed it. *Wink*

He was reasonably good at school and tried to fast track it and graduate a year early. His application was accepted even with the few blemishes on his school academic report thanks to a few fights he partook in.

He was best at literature, English studies and writing in general. He was the top English and writing student and once even tried joining the drama club but the second he walked in the door he was instantly annoyed with everyone inside and did a full 180 out of that hellscape.

He then tried out for the sports clubs and teams but didn’t have time between work after school.

Chase actually made a friend during his last few years at school who managed to be the school’s main weed dealer (Chase draws chaos to him enough said). They actually were a good duo and Chase developed a serious attachment to him. His friend had a lot of money thanks to his business and often would get Chase to be his ‘bodyguard’ when selling to older clients.

They were both weird guys with different levels of intensity over random things. Both had that ‘dudebro’ vibe who would listen to Abba but in reality, the type of dudes who sit right next to each other in a hot tub, no need for 5 feet apart.

Somehow both comfortable with their sexuality which is refreshing. But, that won’t last long :(

They never got to really developed their relationship further before Chase left but it was a silent agreement between them that they liked one another on a physical and emotional level. They rekindled and I guess, ‘officially’ date when in the Air Force when training together. (Lovers in the military trope don’t @ me it fits him PERFECTLY.)

He and his friend were actually going to join the Air Force together. And they did. Chase first and his friend later.

Dude did some stupidly impulsive shit. Especially once he had a friend. Antics? Yes, many. Young, bored lonely boys with repressed feelings do stupid shit to fill the long hours. Jumping off things at high speed? Yes. Buring stuff? Yes. Smashing stuff? Yes. Listening to Green Day? Unironically, Yes.

No doubt they once burned down an abandoned house while trying to hotbox in one of the rooms. Nearly replicated the incident with the school DURING CLASS in the janitors closet. Boys just wanna get high and kiss okay?

Chase was born strong physically but mentally? Nar. Could fight a bear but would crumble under an anxious moment.

Never wanted to appear weak. It was what everyone expected but he never backed down from a fight or rivalry to his detriment. Stood up for himself no matter the circumstance. He always stood up for his boyfrie- SORRY I MEAN FRIEND.

He was an angry guy, mostly because people constantly tested his patience and intelligence and his home life was always a tense situation where there was no time to be soft or delicate.

Did get into many fights with one particular guy during school and out of school hours.

He was an attractive teenager. I like to think (like is a strong word) he was targeted by this one particular asshole because of their pent up feeling towards Chase. Chase either rejected his advances which set it all off or you just got that vibe from all their exchanges. Either way, at one point the tormentor made his feelings cryptically clear and Chase made sure they weren’t reciprocated.

One particular final fight between them, Chase wound up with a bat to the face which broke his nose badly.

The nose never really healed the best or back to how it was originally. This was something that scared him forever, becoming more resentful and unable to let things go. A lot more guarded from then on.

Chase used to be the pretty buff tall boy but the nose downgraded him to just a tall buff boy who has hints of a pretty boy in him.

Worked a few jobs during most nights. Needed money, mostly supported himself financially. Worked as a dish boy in a local restaurant and at the cinema as a cleaner. He always seemed to get the cleaning jobs.

Chase used to skateboard. He was pretty good at it too.

He started smoking young, around 15-16. And thanks to his companion, would often smoke weed supplied to him by his friend.

Loved going to the dentist when he could. He started eating those strong cheap dusty mints when he smoked as it was a cheap form of keeping his breath fresh after he smoked. Also, he thought it made him look cool and ended up getting addicted.

He wasn’t a joyless kid or teen, He just wasn’t one who smiled a lot.

Chase never really trained for his driving license. He just went for his test at the police station. They made him drive around the block once and they just gave it to him.

Chase: the aspiring pilot.

Chase wanted to be a pilot ever since he was young, specifically the French Air Force. No real trigger set that dream in motion, he just liked the idea of piloting a high-speed plane and seeing the world from up above. Moving fast is his ultimate goal.

He studied and prepared early to join the École Militaire de l'air (Military Air Force before it folded into the Air School). But you have to be over 18 and with his plans to complete school early, he would spend the year until then in basic military training, then would transfer over. All of this was to increase his chances of being accepted along with the examination, which he passed thanks to his passion for it.

Of course, things don’t always go to plan and even though he was on a path to graduating early a huge final brawl broke between him and a longtime bully halted this.

He had always fought with him specifically and this time, after years of building it all up, it hit the fan.  The incident put a hold on his plans and wasn’t able to graduate a whole year early.

Fast track forward and due to home pressures and school weighing him down he decided to just leave school and home and when he left, as one last ‘fuck you’ to his tormentor, his friend helped him break into his house and stole his car and drove it straight to Paris, abandoning it in the countryside just before. No one ever knew it was him and it is by far his greatest victory, as he knew how much he loved that car. Major mood. Chase was tempted to push it off a cliff in spite but couldn’t find one.

Chase still went into the general military before transferring to the Air Force once over 18 and acing his entrance evaluations.

Chase and his ‘friend’ managed to get in at the same time. Que, LLLLLLLL LOVERS!

They made sure they were in the same dorms, ‘classes’ and that their schedules lined up. They even swapped around so they had the same duties.

Chase thrived and was a great pilot. He achieved his pilots’ license and began working his way to completing the 2 years here then moving on to a higher position. His friend focused more on the engineering courses.

For someone spontaneous in an impulsive way, he liked the regimented schedule. It gave him purpose and meaning

Chase ended up getting kicked out after a massive brawl incited by an argument with another cadet about the particular notion of his relationship with his ‘friend’.

It was made clear to him such behaviour receives no second chances and was forced to leave, meaning he never officially completed his 2 years and was never allowed back in the foreseeable future.

Chase was desolated and once again hardened by this turn of events.

His 20s in a nutshell

Chase sought employment in the police force thanks to his military origins. He did, in fact, complete the basic military training aspect so he was a front runner for the police force.

He needed a job as all his money was wasted on a fruitless dream.

Spent the first few years of his police force employment as a ‘beat cop’ until his arrest numbers/success and work availability sought his promotion to a detective quite early in his 20s.

Chase was used to working full time and all the time at odd hours from very early on. He started his work career young.

They say you have 10 years in the prime of your career and Chase used that up instantly, shooting up the police then detective ranks fast due to how hard he worked, non-stop. His obsession and dedication with keeping busy and solving cases made him unmatchable.

Chase was physically skilled despite his smoking habits and mentally quick too, even if he acted dangerously without foresight sometimes.

He was very successful as a detective. It was his true calling

Chase has seen some nasty things and is a very good shot with a handgun.

Has he killed anyone? You decide. Personally? Yes, obviously. This has never and will never phase him.

He has been through so many police issued cars he now gets the second-hand cars due to how reckless he is.

Perused criminals with crazy car chases even when he was just a lowly beat cop. It got worse when he became a detective.

No doubt he kept and took home case files (sometimes even evidence) and didn’t give them back even when he became an Interpol liaison. He worked on those cases, he solved them, they are his. He keeps them all either at his apartment or in a storage unit.

Work became his life. His only vice.

Opted out for a partner as it wasn’t a department regulation just a personal option if wanted. Don’t need someone wasting his time, slowing him down or possibly taking away his shine.

Developed obsessive tendencies.

Detective work is competitive. You end up running around trying and fighting to get the best brutal murder homicide case as it will look great to your superiors. It was all a race to see who was the best. Chase was one of the best thanks to having no outsider life to distract him.

Somehow Chase wasn’t a suck-up his those above him. You would think he would be but Chase just enjoyed working and solving, completing things.

You are measured by your achievements and you have to be sure of yourself and your capabilities to survive in the race.

For work that was on the outside very heroic and selfless. Most detectives he worked around and ‘with’ were selfish, heartless and egotistical. The successful ones were anyway. Chase one of them.

He hated them all just as much as they hated him.

Ended up not caring for normal citizens and fellow employees disdain for his abrupt nature. Developed a superiority complex as a result.

But he remained composed and well mannered when dealing with victims and witnesses.

He was very susceptible to the alluring nature of the egotistic know it all.

All of this aged him rapidly. I have no doubt he is only in his early to mid-30s (in the show) but has aged himself visibly with unhealthy working hours and lifestyles.

(I’m not going to go too deep here as at this point I might as well insert my dam fanfiction. I have a whole story planned for what I think his detective days were like. I’ll give you a hint, it’s dark.)

Final relationships.

In regards to his love life? Don’t have one. One night stands? Eh, maybe very occasionally but he isn’t the sort of person to get wrapped up in such things. He is very professional and despite being touch starved he can live without physical relationships easily. They also make him uncomfortable now due to certain events.

His ‘friend’ asked for Chase to wait for him, that once he was finished in the Air Force his partner would come find him. Chase did for the entirety of his 20s and pretty much would for his entire life. First loves are hard to forget.

They only met up again once when Chase was in his late 20s and his friend no longer felt that way towards him or that kind of way anymore. He had a family. Chase sort of understood that his lover realistically would have moved on and blamed himself for not looking for him instead. He became obsessed with his success with work after all.

He couldn’t comprehend why his friend would finally contact him after all these years just to tell him he didn’t love him anymore. He always assumed it was to tie up loose ends or to make fun of him for waiting. To hurt him.

Chase was physically and mentally devastated to say the least. Especially when the last interaction they ever had was his old friend handing him a goddam conversion camp pamphlet.

This really dragged on and I’m sorry I really went off there. I hope it was at least relatively what you were after.

[officially-tonynat-shrine]

Anything You Sing

A/N: Ok, so this was originally an ask from @shamelessbookaddict so credit goes to her. The ask: Bicth just imagining singing good ol bollywood songs to peter; him not understanding a word but loving it anyway; bruce just smirking at you when you sing something romantic

So I decided to shift the fic here instead of directly answering the ask. So if at all I make a master list, this would be helpful :D also, here is the audio of the song I used, if you want to sing along! The singer is male and I haven't changed the few lines in the song indicating the gender of the singer in the fic. I wanted to stay as true to the song as possible!

Pairing: Peter Parker x Indian!reader

Summary: You confess your love by singing a song

Warnings: the word 'fuck' twice? // Words: idk man, I didn't count

••••

Peter was having a bad day. A very, very bad day. School was hectic. He had lots of homework pending due to night patrol (totally his fault, actually. And he knew it. So he couldn't blame anyone else). His sleep schedule was an absolute mess because he would stay up when ever he got the chance to finish off his projects and models. His attention span in classes was now that of a fucking squirrel on crack and he had gone to the principal's office twice already.

Just when he had thought that things couldn't get worse, he had dozed off in yet another Biology lecture. Usually, the teacher would let him off the hook because he was a bright student and could easily catch up. So Peter tended to doze off for a few minutes trying to complete eight hours of sleep in five minutes. But today, it was a very important lecture going on and the Ms. Mason had strictly informed the class that everybody had to be attentive. Of course, Peter had to doze off. Unfortunately, he had been caught. Ms. Mason's disapproving glare was enough for him to believe that he had committed the ultimate betrayal. He was now very close to the Avengers' Tower, and he had already mentally hit himself a hundred times.

Peter just hoped that for the love of God and everything Holy, you was there. You were the only other Avenger who was his age. Of course, there was also Shuri, his homegirl, but currently, she was miles away in Wakanda. The three of you always shared a close bond and he could only hope that his bond with you would be much closer. He was a blushing mess when it came to you.

He entered the Tower heading directly for the elevator when he heard your voice.

"Pete! Hey, Spidey! Wait up!"

He turned around to see you bounding towards him. You threw your arms around him bringing him into a tight hug. You had missed him. He could understand that by the way you stood so close to him, able to listen to his heart beat rise. He hugged you back with the same enthusiasm as yours. Unable to hold back a sigh, he snuggled his face deeper into your neck.

You stepped back- not leaving his arms, he noticed, blushing wildly- and asked him with furrowed brows, "What happened, Pete?"

He smiled at you, grateful that he had someone like you who could understand him so easily. God, sometimes he just wanted to take you in his arms and cuddle forever.

"Nothing. It's just that school is turning quite hectic now-a-days."

You studied him for a moment, eyes taking in the dark circles under his eyes and the weary, tired smile he gave you. His brown eyes, usually sparkling with delight and excitement, now held exhaustion.

"Okay, that's it. You and I are going upstairs to the common room and you are going to sleep on the couch. I know you won't sleep in your room. You'll probably start doing your homework. And no arguments!" You shut him down before he could protest. Dragging him into the elevator you asked FRIDAY to take you to the common room.

"(Y/N)."

"Hmm?"

"(Y/N)!!!!!"

"What Peter?" You snapped at him. It had been half an hour since you had forcefully made him go to sleep on the couch and fifteen minutes since he had started whining about how he was not feeling sleepy.

He was sprawled on the big, grey couch, and in the short span of thirty minutes had somehow managed get tangled in the pillows and cushions placed. His head was dangling from the corner of the couch as lay on his stomach, left hand on the ground supporting his body. His right hand was somewhere in between a pillow and his head and one leg was on the couch's headrest. It was certainly a view for you. You sat at the opposite end of the couch, the book you had brought with you long forgotten.

"You know I can't sleep anywhere other than my bed unless there is music."

He didn't know how he got the confidence. He had been contemplating about asking you to sing to him while he sleeps but was too scared to see how you would react. Perhaps it was his sleepiness which made him bolder, the lack of sleep affecting his control over his speech. But it had not completely taken over him. He tried to fight the urge to just spew out his feelings for you.

"Music? What kind of music do you want to hear?"

"Anything you sing."

Now he really wanted to slap himself. He had really gone and done that. This was worse than spewing out his feelings for you. Now he was never going to get to cuddle you because he was too sleep deprived to think before he said anything and you were gonna slap him across the face and walk away-

"Peter stop panicking. Peter! Are you okay?"

You were stunned when he had asked you to sing. You weren't expecting him to be this forward. You had your suspicions on whether or not he liked you but you never acted upon your feelings and the innate desire to just ask him out in the fear of being rejected. There had been instances when you thought that maybe he reciprocated your feelings but then he would say something and you would immediately start questioning yourself. So you stood in the sidelines, trying to get closer to him so that you can understand him, only to fall more for him. Now, here he was, panicking and shaking, about to fall from that goddamn couch, pillows and all, and you didn't know whether he was just sleepy or actually liked you. So much for understanding him.

"Look, I- I, (Y/N)-"

"If you want me to sing, I can." You smiled through your stupidity and tried to stop from strangling yourself with a rope.

His eyes lit up as he groggily pushed himself up from the other end of the couch and slid towards you.

"Thanks, (Y/N). You are the best." He replied, placing his head on your lap. Consequences be damned, he was already getting detention tomorrow. Might as well do this.

You stilled, trying to form coherent thoughts. Stumbling through your words, you finally relaxed and placed your hand on his head.

Running your fingers through his hair, you decided on the first song that came to your mind.

"FRIDAY?"

"Yes, Ms. (L/N)?"

"If anyone passes by and asks you to translate the song I'm about to sing, don't do it, please."

"Of course, ma'am."

"Also, can you play the instrumental for the song when I start singing? Keep the volume at minimum."

"Okay, Ms. (L/N)."

Peter snuggled into your lap as you cleared your throat.

"Chookar mere mann ko, kiya tumne kya ishara"

"Is that Hindi? What does it mean?" Peter asked sleepily.

You smiled at him. "Sleep, Petey."

FRIDAY started playing the instrumental.

"Chookar mere mann ko, kiya tumne kya ishara"

What did you mean to do, when you touched my heart so?

"Badala ye mausam, lage pyara jag saara"

The seasons changed, and the world seems beautiful!

"Chookar, mere mann ko, kiya tumne kya ishara. Badala ye mausam, lage pyaara jag saara."

"Tu jo kahe jeevan bhar, tere liye mai gaaun"

If you say so, I'll sing for you for a lifetime.

"Tere liye mai gaaun"

I'll sing for you.

"Geet tere bolon pe, likhta chala jaaun"

I can keep on writing music from what you speak

"Likhta chala jaaun"

I can keep on writing...

"Mere geeton mei, tujhe dhoondhe jag saara"

In my songs, the world will search for you.

"Chookar mere mann ko, kiya tumne kya ishara. Badala ye mausam, lage pyaara jag saara."

You rocked him as you sang, his soft, content snores filling you with satisfaction. A smile made it's way on your face without you even realising it.

"Aaja tere aanchal ye, pyaar se mai bhar du"

Come, I'll fill your arms with love.

"Pyaar se mai bhar du"

I'll fill it with love.

"Khushiyan jahabhar ki, tujhko nazar kar du"

I'll gift you all the happiness in the world

"Tujhko nazar kar du"

I will gift you..

"Tu hi mera jeevan, tu hi jeene ka sahaara"

You are my life, you are my reason to live.

"Chookar mere mann ko kiya tumne kya ishara. Badala ye mausam, lage pyaara jag saara."

"Chookar mere mann ko kiya tumne kya ishara."

Closing your eyes, you smiled. Oh the things you would do to stop time at this very moment. You wanted to live in this moment forever.

"That was amazing."

You shrieked, not expecting anyone to be around. You turned, trying to see how many people heard you, groaning when you see almost all the Avengers.

"Why didn't you guys say anything?!" You whisper, trying not to disturb Peter who was sound asleep on your lap.

"Well, you were amazing. And we wouldn't want to awake Pete, now would we?" Tony answered.

"Okay, fair enough."

"What does that mean?"

You blanched. You had hoped this won't come up. You looked at Steve who had asked the question, face filled with confusion just like the rest of them. Of course, they were asking about the song's meaning. Something you'd rather eat shit than having to tell them.

"Nothing. It meant nothing. It's just a song I like." You lied, your tone firm with finality.

"Okay, if you won't answer, I'll ask FRIDAY. Hey, FRIDAY, what did the song that (Y/N) sang mean?"

You swore to God you had never felt so proud of yourself in that moment.

"Sorry, boss. But Ms. (L/N) has asked me to not translate it to anyone."

"What?! I'm the boss here, FRIDAY. Come on. You can't say no to me."

"Sorry, boss. Ms. (L/N) requested to not translate it to anyone. And you fall under that category."

Bucky snorted at Tony's appalled gasp. Nat was trying so hard not to laugh. Sam did not even bother to hide his laughter. Your smile widened, before it dropped. Bruce. Bruce was smiling directly at you. Fuck. He knew. Obviously, he knew. You begged for mercy, mouthing how grateful you will be if he could just shut his mouth and not tell anyone. He snorted before obliging. But you could see his gears turn. And you thought Bruce was the person who did not meddle in people's matters at all. You shook your head. You could talk to him later.

"Hey, doesn't Bruce know Hindi?"

"No!"

[bostongrand]

At the start of 2018 I had been questioning if I was meant to be a writer. If that is something I even wanted to do, or was it just something I latched onto and said in an effort to make adults care about me as a child.

This doubt stemmed from my inability to finish a project or keep a consistent writing schedule.

I was unable to do this due to being unmedicated and untreated for my ADHD and ASD. Sadly, this is something I still can't do because I'm still not getting the help I need.

Anyway, the doubt never left. But I'm just reading up on my astrological chart now, the deep lore with houses and shit, and it really said "Bitch Nah, you a writer."

So I guess I'll just have to keep waiting until someone can finally help me.