#I'm trying to stay away from poems for the rest of the challenge

[zwei-the-penguin-with-a-pen]

‘My Love’

ARRYN ZECH!!!

That is all! What more do I need to say?

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Day Twenty-three: A CRWBY Member

I’m a troll, I know!

Seriously though, Arryn is a wonderful person and everyone should love her bunches. I just wanted to make an Arryn appreciation post.

I KNOW I’VE BEEN STINGY WITH THE FICS LATELY! I PROMISE I’M WRITING A FIC FOR TOMORROW’S PROMPT ALREADY! I just didn’t want to skip a prompt, plus any excuse to brag on Arryn is one I will gladly take.

[beautifulhigh]

The tender things are those we fold away (explicit, 21k, AO3 link)

"I think I'm being blackmailed," TK blurted out.

"OK. You think?" Carlos asked.

"Well, yeah. I'm being blackmailed, or at least threatened I guess?"

"Can you tell me what you're being threatened with?" When TK didn't respond, Carlos continued. "Michelle said you weren't sure about making this official, so here's the deal. Unless you confess to me that you've committed a crime, anything you say will stay in these four walls. I will give you advice, information, I will help you out with anything I can. And I won't report anything you don't want me to."

"Do you know the site Only Fans?" TK asked.

"Well, as you can see I don't live under a rock so yes, I've heard of Only Fans," Carlos quipped.

"I'm on there."

"So are a lot of people."

"No," TK said. "I'm… on there. As in I… post. On there."

---

Season 1 AU - TK turned down the offer of a dance from the (very hot) man at the Honky Tonk, but they're thrown together when someone threatens to expose TK's page on the site Only Fans.

This whole fic is dedicated to my "peaches and cherries" crew, who are 100% to blame for this.

THEM: TK could have an Only Fans account. ME: ...oh no.

I would like to say now that I have no idea how OF works: I did some research but aside from signing up there were some things I couldn't find the answers to. So if I'm wrong just let me have it, OK?

Specific shout out of love to my Diet Coke gal @bubblesandroses8 for reading over the text to make sure that at least was written correctly (justice for the u! reject the z!), for reassuring me about the rest of it, and for letting me kill her with certain lines.

Title comes from the poem "We Have Not Long To Love" by Tennessee Williams.

We have not long to love, Light does not stay. The tender things are those We fold away.

=======

FDNY confirm: We will not look to 'put out' the Firefly

A spokesperson for FDNY confirmed last night that they are officially calling off the so-called hunt for the person behind the popular Only Fans account, New York Firefly.

Since starting his account two years ago, Firefly has amassed a following making public videos talking about what it's like to be openly gay and serve the city of New York as a firefighter, all between posting the usual photos that you'd expect to see on Only Fans behind the paywall. Reality and raunchy? Sign us up!

Since the account started attracting publicity it also started to attract complaints, many sent to the FDNY calling for the man behind the account to be identified and fired. A number of websites were set up, pooling information about Firefly to try and work out who he is. The more extreme members of these communities started stalking various firehouses around the city.

Firefly's only distinguishing feature (aside from his amazing body) is the tattoo on his hip. In the rare occasions we see above the shoulders he is either always masked up or turned away from the camera. Unconfirmed reports from a number of firehouses suggest that firefighters were being challenged to prove they weren't Firefly by stripping off for comparison.

However a pushback campaign was soon launched, arguing that the public videos were serving a greater need and even the pictures behind the paywall aren't as explicit as many others on the site. Signatures from all over the country were added to a petition which was presented to the City last week, stressing the positive impact Firefly is having on LGBTQIA+ persons across the country, as well as helping drive a diverse recruitment campaign in certain regions.

Last night the FDNY confirmed to this website that they would not actively look to expose the man behind the New York Firefly account but would consider action if any further reports and evidence suggested he was bringing the service into disrepute or it was shown to be negatively affecting his work. This suggests that they may have identified who he may be but for now? We won't see the face of the man with the firefly tattoo.

Keep reading on AO3

[tamanna-dhiman]

It's strange how a few short seconds....

can lead you in a whole new direction....

It alters how you think and act....

and see your own reflection.

From a single moment on...

my life was forever changed...

Like everything I previously knew had suddenly been rearranged....

No one will ever understand just how I felt that day...

But deep within this poem I shall try to convey....

I cannot even begin to illustrate the repulsive person I once knew....

I intend to simply express the horror that I went through....

I was abruptly pinned against the wall of a hard...

rough concrete stairwell...

At two AM....

where not a soul was likely to dwell...

Suddenly I was captured no possible way to escape...

Wondering if I deserved it...

if it was truly my fate....

I tried to fly away...

but my wings were broken....

My mind filled with confusion...

and his filled with lust....

He took another part of me with each and every thrust....

Standing there in the night...

so scared, so exposed....

I was covered by a veil of darkness...

The glowing moon looked down at me....

I could touch it... it seemed so close...

but it was really oh so far....

4 people stayed in the room that night...

The night was filled with horror and fright...

They challenged me to take my emotions away...

They did succeed, oh they really did...

The first one challenged to take my peace...

Came in took it and left me unleashed...

The second one challenged me to take away the love...

Frozen against it I let him carry on...

The third one challenged to take away my faith...

God can't help me so be it as it may...

Shattered through this I had nothing left...

Now, It was on me to complete the Slope...

The fourth one was me who killed my hope...

Sometimes late at night I simply can't fall sleep....

Thinking about how my innocence is no longer mine to keep....

What some can only imagine in their worst possible nightmare...

Is my gruesome reality that can't be undone nor repaired....

I may have the kindest heart...

but that came with a cost....

It has felt the worst of pains...

and experienced the greatest loss...

I cannot change the past...

an event to which I succumbed....

These dark days are necessary...

just as important as the rest...

For if we didn't have the worst...

we couldn't recognize the best...

The best did come...

The time did pass...

When you meet the people...

Of your same crazy class...

People say you can't stay stuck...

Because there are things that matter much...

Much more than that one horrible night...

It can't take away the pleasures of the coming light...

So be it as it may....

I have it right....

My hope is reborn...

It's stronger this time...

-hopeful anonymous

Ps-never lose hope... Even when you feel hopeless at times... It's the only thing that's completely yours...it's an owned emotion... And no one can it from you other than you...

And - I completely modified the actual version of this poem according to my experience.... It's been ages and I'm over it.... But it will always remain a sensitive subject to me... And I just hope you can forgive me for posting it... I apologize in advance...

But I really pray that no one should ever go through the suffering I once went through... I survived... Most of them won't... And I want the innocent souls to stay innocent forever....

#metoo

[shinahbee]

November Favorites 2020!

 Hello!

So as you may have seen I have been uploading a bunch of art all of November, not every week because of my crippling job at the moment taking away my sanity.lol. But i did try my best to update whenever I can. I do have so much more to complete so please look out this December for more digital art being pumped out

How are you all doing?  I'm holding up decently, I'm trying to avoid talking about covid since that's all i've been hearing from work and home and it's really making me anxious since i'm not able to work from home due to the nature of my job. I hope you all are holding up hope and taking care of your selves, let's all remember that there is a time after this and we will get through this.

with that being said I will have a lot more time to spend on my art after January since my work term is going to end and I don't plan to stay for an extension, so maybe then I'll catch up on all of my previous art that I was supposed to upload, a.k.a my hero academia ones.lol

also I'm still chugging along reading more manhwa (web toons ) from korean and chinese artists, i'm so disappointed in myself for not discovering these sooner, these stories are really good and so much effort was put into the art panels, as I have said all I've read was manga so i'm used to just seeing black and white panels, so i never really dove into web toons though I have appreciated the work put into it, now that I'm down the rabbit hole I am discovering really good story lines that are different from the manga I've read thus far and I'm really enjoying it!

so i'm excited to share my thoughts on everything I've been liking

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                           Manhwa/Manga/Webtoon

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so previously in last months recommendations I have talked about a few of the manhwa I've been reading so I'll briefly list those below since they are all still ongoing

1) who's baby is it

2) to be or no to be

3) social temperature

4) salad days

all of them are still ongoing and i'm still in the process of reading them so I can't give a full review till it's completed but so far I am still enjoying them, that's definitely a good sign since i tend to just drop something after I don''t find it interesting anymore at some point in the story. If you have not read my October favorites journal please do so for my initial thoughts on these manhwas. Now i'm actually going to talk about some of the ones that are completed   , so you can definitely read all of them without waiting for the an update from translators, lol

this is in no particular order, just fyi

1) Path to you

"When almost college dropout Jensen attempts to drink away his problems, unemployed Nathaniel( Neil ) suddenly pukes on him and ruins his night. As an apology, Nathaniel offers to help Jensen with his studies. Despite Jensen's difficulties in getting along with people, the two become friends and something deeper begins to grow between them...”

this is the summary from one of the manga websites I was able to find, it does not even describes the emotional plot line that goes along with this later, this is ones of my absolute favorites! I love this manhwa so much, its a great depiction of a coming of age story for collage students going through their life journey and slowly getting though life's difficulties  and challenges, one character is going though emotional trauma and trying to over come it for years and another character is going through anti social disorder and discovering his sexuality, it's a plot line that portrayed human aspects in life quite well. I love the relationship between the two main character and how their relationship developed over time from being friends to being a couple. there is a lot of relationship building and minimal drama, which is really refreshing from mangas that I've read, so if you are just starting to delve into BL webtoons, please read this first! you will not be disappointed

with that being said, I love Neil, so much.... you don't even know. lol. He's so precious, literally like an actual cinnamon roll. LOL. i'm exposing myself ...so i'll leave it at that, i’m also wondering why his name is neil instead of nathan or nate...? lol.

2) Here U Are

"Orientation of  the newcomers is a task for YuYang, and he ends up helping the unsociable and towering LiHuan, the kind of person that does everything to be disliked. But after better knowing each other, he discovers that the giant isn’t that bad of a person at all...”

I really wish I could find better summaries, lol. but it's to the point without giving away too much so i'll take it. This is one of the most popular series and I can totally see why after reading it, this story has every possible human aspect and relationship building  between the two main leads, I actually teared in some parts of this manhwa and I've never done that before! such a good story and plot line, if I were to pick any series in a web toon to be animated then I would choose this series hands down. There's also sub plots between different characters as well and how they deal with their interpersonal relationships and relationships between the two main leads, I love it! This is everything I want in a story, so please check this one out

also yuyang looks a lot like miyuki Kazuya from Daiya no ace and that just made me drawn to him.I really liked his personality and in the manhwa he has girls and guys in love with him and dude...I get it.

3) BJ Alex

"Every night at 10, Dong-gyun locks himself up in his room, grabs a box of tissues, and watches a live cam boy show hosted by Alex, a BJ (broadcast jockey). Timid Dong-gyun admires not only Alex’s ripped body, but his candor in sharing his sexual experiences with viewers. One night, Dong-gyun downs too many drinks at a school networking event and passes out. When he wakes up, he’s in bed staring up at a shirtless hunk. A hunk who looks an awful lot like...Alex.”

so um...this is more yaoi than shounen ai cause of all the graphic scenes in the manhwa, if you are veteran you may have already read this one cause its really popular. It also has a lot of comedic elements to it too so it's not too serious, but the relationship developed between the two characters later on is really sweet despite the infinite amount of sex scenes. Not much else to say about this story, it's easy to follow and the only abuse in here is the emotional kind

I'm not really entirely sure how i felt about it in the beginning but the end is really good

4) No way, vampires don't exist

"Four college housemates — Juwon, Eunho, Seongjae, and Gyumin — are in desperate need of a fifth person to fill a vacant room in their place. But their main concern isn’t about paying rent: they’re ravenous vampires, dying to sink their teeth into a fresh, live human! So they can’t believe their luck when Dongha, who grew up isolated from society, eagerly moves in with no idea of what awaits him. To the vampires’ dismay, however, Dongha doesn’t weigh enough for them to suck his blood! As they shower their unsuspecting new housemate with food and attention to fatten him up, have they gotten too attached to their would-be prey? And is there more to sweet, naive Dongha than meets the hungry vampires’ eyes?”

I have to preface by saying that ever since my twilight phase, I didn't consume anything that had to do with vampires for a very long time, for obvious reasons, but this one I just came across after reading path to you and thought I would at least check it out. It started off really comedic and I was like...what am i reading?  but it gets really light hearted and wholesome later on in the story. What I like about this is the character juwon, If you look at him he's that type of character that would look like the stoic a-hole of the story and those characters never appeal to me. But turns out he's the sweetest person most decent person of this story, it makes you want to route for him  and another thing I like about this story is that it looks like a harem but you can tell that there’s only one person the main character doungha treats differently from the rest and how the two are compatible with one another.  in these kind of stories, it’s always treated as every character is a possible route that leads to their own story but in here....there's only one...let's be real. This is one that is an odd ball cause it's technically completed but the translations are not...so i had to read the rest in korean, which makes it a good practice for me since i'm learning korean at the moment, it’s a good exercise...lol

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                             Anime/ Drama

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Not going to lie this department is lacking...lol. I have only been watching Heavens official blessing as mentioned in the last journal

but I have just found out that there is a remake of Shaman king in the making....and my little girl heart is screaming cause I loved shaman king when i was younger...so I can't wait for that

as for dramas, I've tried watching Start Up but I didn't like it so I dropped it, I might try watching crash landing on you since my best friend was obsessed with it, I watched a little of it but I left it since I was busy so i may get back to watching it from the beginning

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                             Music

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i'll put together a play list for you when you read these manga/manhwa...lol. cause that's what i've been doing

Playlist

Crush- No words

Sam kim - Breathe

Crush - let us go

Kim feel - falling

Paul kim - Dream

Kim feel - Hallelujah

Davichi - please don't cry

Yoo mirae - say

taeyeon - a poem called you

baek yerin- Here I am again

I wish tumblr has a way to play music on your page, without copy right..lol. I would share all of these songs cause they are so good

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so that's it for the month of November, lets' see what i get up to for December, I will be updating as frequently as possible so please look out for more art from me and follow me on my social media , I will see you all next time

bye!

Sheena

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     Social media      

Devianatart: she-be.deviantart.com

Instagram: shinb_art

Tumblr: shinahbee

[galaxy-charm]

"Give that back, Cas!"

Dean yelled, furiously chasing after his boyfriend in hopes of getting to the piece of paper in his hands.

Cas' lips twitched into a victory smirk. "Never!" He shouted in reply as he lead Dean in never-ending circles around their living room.

"Cas...I swear...if you don't...give it back...I will skin you alive...tonight," Dean panted between breaths.

"Try me!" Cas shot back, and with swift movements, he climbed onto the sofa.

Seeing his chance, Dean leaped off the ground, tackling Cas and pinning him down to the cushions. He lunged for the paper, but Cas jerked it away.

Dean grimaced, "You little piece of sh—"

"Uh-uh," Cas wagged a finger in his face, cutting Dean off in time. "No bad words in this house. We agreed on this."

Dean frowned, recalling the time he did, then rolled his eyes. Cas raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Alright, fine," Dean finally gave in.

"Can the sweet, lovable, too-cute-for-his-own-good, angel, pretty please return the poem he stole from me?"

Cas beamed, but held the paper closer to his chest. "Not after I finish reading it."

Dean threw his hands up in the air. "Oh, come on, Cas," he said, exasperated.

Shaking his head, the determined smile stayed on Cas' face. "No." He said, stone-hard resolution in his tone.

"No?" Dean echoed. "Then if I'm going down, I'm taking you down with me."

He reached out to touch Cas' stomach, attacking Cas with the tickles in his weakest spot: his abdomen. Within seconds, Cas melted into a pool of giggles, and he twisted this way and that, trying to escape from Dean's clutches.

"Dean, stop, it," Cas barely managed to gasp, his laughter bubbling out of his body and floating up to the ceiling. In a vain attempt, he uselessly tried to shove Dean's hands away, "Stop it!"

"Now you fear me, Castiel," Dean threatened, feeling powerful in the greatest possible way. "Bow before me or I shall overcome you with tickles!"

Cas could not reply. He was too busy doubling over with laughter.

Dean stared mischievously at his work, before bursting into laughter as well.

After both of them had calmed down, Cas held Dean's poem into the light and began to read. He had barely read the first verse when Dean interrupted him.

Dean cringed internally, "You're so gonna regret this."

Cas turned towards Dean, placing a kiss on his forehead.

"No, you are."

When he was only met with silence, Cas turned his attention back on Dean's poem. Despite knowing that Dean was not that great of a writer, he still could not suppress the amusement that swelled in the depths of his heart.

The poem read:

"Dear Cas,

I don't know why I'm writing this

But you better feel honoured

I have no idea how poems work

So be prepared to be disappointed

(Ha! I made it rhyme! See?

I am now a poet to be)

But I better be serious now

So listen up, Castiel

Even though you're so dumb at times

I'll still love you, Castiel."

Cas laughed so hard after he read the poem, his stomach ached from all the giggles. Dean snatched the paper from his hands, his cheeks flushed red.

"Come on, give me a break, Cas. It's my first try!" Dean defended himself, although the side of his lips were tugged upwards into a smile.

Cas wiped the tears from his eyes. He put on his serious face as he said, "You rhymed 'Castiel' with 'Castiel', Dean."

Dean blushed even harder. He said, flustered, "Well, to be fair, there aren't many words that rhyme with 'Castiel'. So it's your fault for having such a stupid name."

"I can think of a few, Dean."

"Oh yeah," Dean challenged, "And what's that?"

Cas smiled. He took the paper and a pen. Scribbling on Dean's leg, he amended the poem.

But I better be serious now

So listen up, Castiel.

Even though you're so dumb at times

I'll still love you, Castiel.

I'll be the sun to your sunflower,

So would you be the Dean to my Destiel?

Dean took the amended poem from Cas, a grin on his face. He pulled Cas closer into his chest, whispering into his ear.

"Of course, Cas. Forever and always."

Cas let himself rest in Dean's embrace, his muscles relaxing. He buried his head into Dean's warmth and promised.

"Forever and always, Dean."

-

A/N: AhHHHHhhhHhhH was I good? Did I do good? I hoped I did. Thanks for the support on my poem! Really gave me the motivation to write more Destiel hahaha.

[paladinsheadcanons]

ash x tyra is my life fuel. i'm not kidding when i say i screamed after finding the ashra tag on ao3. my gay heart wants more, so would mod ash be willing to write some fluff?

i like you. i love your taste. also if you found my stuff, i hope you liked them ovo;;

as like before, my ashra stuff…. tends to get a little too long. slightly inspired by this (kinda) and this. sorry for any grammar errors and inconsistencies! 

- mod ash 

Tyra rarely gets invited to Ash’s office room. 

Of course, it’s not like they’ve made a habit out of it. Upon entering the relationship, Ash knew and made clear that they are still colleagues and in the Magistrate’s eyes, Ash is still Tyra’s superior, even if not directly. And while they worry a lot about any possible complications that this may ensue, most days are spent talking about work, and how they have spent their long shifts or missions, often ending in drinks, dinners, and passing out from laughing too much. 

And this may be a special occasion, Tyra thinks. She remembers it is an anniversary of sorts, but she does not remember for how long. She has already told Ash that she would be out for Sentinel-related issues for a few days, and would not be able to prepare or have anything ready. Ash, while sounding rather upset that they won’t be able to spend a day-off together, is still rather accepting, and just says to meet her after she’s finished with her duties.

And she is, after a trip to the infirmary and a long scolding. The wounds she had received during her duties were not the most easily-ignored, but she presses on. She has haphazardly compiled together a huge box of items she wanted to give Ash way before the mission, as well as a few trinkets she got during the mission. She had known Ash for a while, and knew she is surprisingly sentimental with items and associating memories, and so a care package may be something she would like. 

Carrying the box turns out to be a challenge. Not expecting herself to be injured during the mission, she thought carrying it would be a breeze, but her muscles complain with every move and all her body suddenly wants is to rest. She reaches the office door with great difficulty, and manages to knock once before barging in. 

Ash had situated herself by her desk, setting up… a meal? No, just some snacks on a tea snack rack and some coffee for both of them, and some other things…. she could hear the faint static-like noises accompanying a vinyl record playing, Ash herself was out of both her armor and army fatigues, instead has dressed herself in a plain dress shirt and darker pants, and having way more eye makeup than her standard eyeliner.

She looks amazing. It made Tyra feel bad that she came here without even preparing for it, and as she carefully lays down her huge box of gifts, she looks at herself – just dressed in her fatigues with a thick layer of bandages around her gut underneath her loose shirt.

Tyra looks up to a rather confused Ash. “Should I… go?”

“What– no!” Ash stands up from her seat and walks to the huntress. “Come here.”

Tyra does step closer, although a little hesitantly. She looks over the wonderful woman before her, and felt both wonder and guilt, suddenly unsure. “I didn’t expect you to have anything, to be honest.”

“It’s not much, really,” Ash starts, “it’s just slightly better coffee and some fancy snacks.”

“I should probably have headed back to change clothes at least,” Tyra says, somewhat mournfully. “You look… very gorgeous.”

“It’s fine! You’re here, that’s what’s important right?” Ash doesn’t even hesitate as she pulls her closer to embrace. “I missed you.”

“I know.” Laying her head over Ash’s shoulder turns out to be way more gratifying than it seems, hands around the woman and resting herself against her. Tyra could almost feel her heartbeat faintly through her bandages. “It’s been a while.”

For a few moments, the vinyl played soft, static-y music, filling the silence between them with recorded guitar strumming and the soft singing of a woman, familiar old tunes from home-bound tongues. It is not a tune that is strictly romantic, but it sounded like home, Tyra realises. Her embrace becomes tighter, and the tune suddenly becomes slightly faster, like one would hear in more livelier places.

“Can we… can we dance?” Ash breaks the silence. Tyra doesn’t see her, but she can tell from her tone she’s rather expectant. 

It takes her a few minutes before responding. “I… don’t know.”

Ash doesn’t let go for a second, and for a moment she doesn’t say anything, obviously rather confused. Her hands merely travel around Tyra’s back, until it stops and settles on the thick wrappings of bandage around the huntress’ abdomen. Realisation seems to hit the war machine, and she pulls away from the embrace slightly. 

Her eyes say a lot of things, peering towards Tyra looking for an answer. Worried, concern, a hint of anger. 

“Bullet wound,” Tyra elaborates, avoiding Ash’s rather concerned glare. “Jumped through enemy lines, I didn’t make out in time to get out unscathed. It’s not the deepest…”

“It’s okay, we can just do–”

“No.” Tyra insists, cutting Ash off. “I want to dance.”

If you don’t want to, it’s–”

“I insist.”

Ash pauses for a second, obviously at a loss on what to do, feeling the urgency of her insistence. She looks around, on the drinks she has made, and then on the vinyl player, still going at it with the pace. She pauses, and sighs, breaking off the embrace entirely. 

“Something slower, then,” Ash says. She unceremoniously yanks the disc off the player, hopefully not damaging it and stopping the music almost to a screeching halt, before picking out another vinyl off a nearby box and playing it instead, the tune slower and much like a sung poem. 

“You know,” Ash says, quickly walking back and resettling herself back in Tyra’s arms, and slowly coaxing her into a slow, swaying dance, “if you want something, I can make it happen.”

The singing from the record continues, still in the same old home language from earlier, accompanied by softer harps and a steadier harmony. Tyra follows the war machine’s lead, since these are familiar, easy steps. It’s not like the dance itself mattered, not really. It’s been a week, possibly longer, since the last time she’s held Ash. The Magistrate never sits idle, and as their campaign goes on, it takes the war machine away from what little personal time she has with her, and even just the feeling of her hands is making standing up for an extended period of time worth it if it meant catching up to lost time.

Anything to make it last longer.

“That’s very tempting,” Tyra says, softly leaning against Ash’s weight. “But this is good enough for now.”

Tyra doesn’t know if Ash didn’t have an answer for it or if she deemed it a good answer, but she stayed silent. Ash’s hands merely settled on her waist, right around the wrap of bandages, and the huntress can feel her hands find new places to settle on around her, as if unsure how close or how gentle is she being. 

In the end, she returns her hold by Tyra’s waist, brushing against the bandages, palms flat, as if she’s trying to guess where the wound exactly is as they swayed, and as Ash leaned her head against her. It is not too much of a wound, Tyra will admit, as she had far worse injuries in the past. But for it to hamper her physical strength and her personal time… it’s not the disadvantage she was hoping for. 

“I… wish I was there.” Ash breaks the silence. 

“Yeah, because you’d scold me for an hour longer.” 

Ash laughs, hearty and loud and raspy. “You don’t want me to be concerned?” 

Tyra has several answers to it, like not wanting her to get involved in duties she shouldn’t dip herself in, among other things. But she settles for a reply. “Well, it would make it a little easier for me to deal with if it’s you who’s scolding me.”

The war machine hums a rather dissatisfied noise, almost whiny. “If I’m there, you won’t be hurt in the first place.” 

Of course.

Ash has always liked protecting her. And it made sense, even though Tyra knows both of them are capable, strong warriors who can be independently amazing in combat. However, she knows that Ash didn’t earn her reputation out of thin air, and there are several things she regret in her years as a higher, decorated officer. Some people she couldn’t save, some things she’s seen best left to be forgotten.

Tyra dares not ask about them. But she knew what Ash would do if she were there.

“You’re going to be the one who’s hurt,” Tyra states, “then I will be the one scolding you.” A few moments pass with wordless dancing and Ash doesn’t answer, but she’s avoiding Tyra’s look rather guiltily, so the huntress concludes her guess was right. “I want to keep you safe too, you know.”

“I know.” The war machine closes her eyes, leans against the huntress. “I know.”

“Trust me,” Tyra says, “I will be okay. And you will be, too.”

“I trust you.” Ash smiles sheepishly. “But let me worry.”

The huntress merely smiles. “How many hours have you slept tonight, anyway? I doubt I’m the only one in this room with bad health choices.”

Ash avoids the huntress’ gaze. “I’ve been awake for fifty hours straight.”

Tyra doesn’t scold, nor laughs. Having such a reputation and being a high official is not easy work, and she knows Ash works hard to keep herself high up in the ranks. She remembers days where she would see her injured but still determined, shaking off any inconveniences that comes. Ash just… she is a very selfless woman. One Tyra is very glad to have met and loved.

But she hopes Ash would also take care of herself the same way she takes care of her.

“I can see where you’re going with this and the coffee,” the huntress comments. 

“I make time when I need to.” Ash murmurs softly, almost sleepily. “For you, especially.”

“Just promise me to sleep after this, okay?”

She doesn’t answer for a while, but Tyra later feels and hears her make an assenting noise. She doesn’t know if she should take that as a “yes”, but she does not want to ask further, letting the silence permeated by soft music take over.

The now-slow paced tune of the music taking over, their dancing has mostly reduced to an extended embrace disguised by the occasional sway or step. It didn’t really matter now, no one was really watching, and Tyra didn’t care if it was not close to a waltz. Ash is what matters, right?

Later on, the dancing had stopped, both of them choosing to put their attention on the now-cold coffee and the snacks Ash had brought along, slow music and harmonious singing still spinning by the vinyl. Tyra couldn’t count or sum up how long they have stayed there, as the night had dissolved into a blur of conversation, laughing and discussion, and while the coffee was a little cold, her company sure is not, later on putting her attention on the care package she has brought along, filled with charms, souvenirs, treats, and a few clothing and comfort items Tyra made way back.

They had seated themselves on the couch near Ash’s desk, hands touching while they talk about work, the mission, and life in general, not even noticing the recorded music stop and the mess of packaging and wrapper around them. Later on, they finish their drinks and snacks, and they spoke in hushed tones for hours, trading touches and kisses as they spoke.

None of them bothered to check what time it was. It’s not like it mattered. Both of them knew that once they part tonight, they might not see each other again for a long while, with the Magistrate pushing forward on it’s major campaign and it taking more and more of Ash’s time as a higher official and Tyra as a Sentinel. 

In the end, Ash never bothered to end the conversation, or tell Tyra to leave to prepare for the morning. And Tyra didn’t excuse herself, no matter how much her wound ached, or how much she knew she had work in the morning. It was in the middle of the night when both of them had decided to just fit each other on the couch to rest with each other, lying down and speaking softer and wearier. 

Tyra doesn’t remember falling asleep, but she wakes up a significant amount of time later, a little groggy and feeling several things ache. But upon seeing Ash close, her breathing steady and seeing her so rested, she knew she’s home. 

[thisnerdsadventures]

a 2021 update

Ah, so I have forgotten to update in a million years, per usual

~ Random thought section ~

I woke up this morning and read this tweet thread about Alice Wu's director's note for her movie The Half of It. It's streaming on Netflix, and I highly encourage to go watch it, it's probably one of my favorite movies from the past few years. Anyways, she talks about how she produced the film while digesting the heartbreak of a friendship breakup - the whole thread hit me on a different level, but here's a quote that really hit home for me, especially a month from graduation: "The end of the film is each of their beginnings. And for my characters, I can think of no happier ending." We spend a lot of time worrying about the end of things and the uncertainty of things to come. Yet, there was a time where we worried about the exact same things for the very chapter we are now so nervous about leaving.

1. I'm nervous about leaving school and starting the..... rest of my life???

2. I'm nervous that my friends will slowly fade away. I'm nervous that they'll get on with their lives and I'll be slowly still trying to get my bearings, stuck in limbo.

3. I'm nervous that starting adulthood will be difficult because there are no more college orientations, no more awkward freshman dinners, perfect opportunities to meet new friends who are just as nervous as you are.

In writing this out, I felt a sense of deja-vu, like I had written these words before. So I just looked back at some of my posts right before entering college, and lo and behold:

08-18-2016: Today I said goodbye to one of my closer friends, and i realized that without even knowing it, Sunday’s party was the last time I would see some of my closest friends. It’s awful that way, that you don’t even know it’s the last time until it’s passed, and you’re left to pick up the the end of a chapter of a relationship from the scraps of an unexpected and improper farewell.

I feel like I’m in a weird twilight zone between college and high school where my present friends are all beginning to fade away to move on in their lives, and I’m yet to really meet anyone in my class yet, so at the moment,,,,,,there really isn’t anyone.

I wrote this less than a week from moving to Boston, and it's so shocking to me that I also experienced the "unexpected and improper farewell" part in senior year. It's almost the exact same thing that happened in COVID and is continuing to happen. You never know when the last time you might see someone might be, except instead of consolidated over the course of one pre-college summer, it's over the course of more than a year, the time that this pandemic has been going for.

And I hate that I said the "fade away and move on" thing verbatim, literally nearly five years ago. To be honest though, it's true, a lot of them did fade away and move on. But so did I, I wasn't left behind. To some extent, I was the one who did a lot of the moving away. And like many things in life, a couple of us continue to hang around, and maybe our friendships cycled in and out over college, but have come around again after a few years. I guess those are the ones that you know will stick around. The limbo period between chapters is a hard one, and it's nice to know that present-day me isn't the only one who has felt this. It's nice to know that past me met so many incredible people so fast, that I forgot this limbo period happened.

I know this part is getting a little long, but there's just a couple more snippets I want to share:

08-13-2016: I recently read Marina Keegan’s essay The Opposite of Loneliness, and one line resonated with me a lot: We’re so young. It seems silly and almost pretentious for me to think that this party would be so final, and yet it does, even though we have decades upon decades to build and connect or reconnect.

We’re so young, but that doesn’t stop the understanding that we are going to a new chapter in our lives and that it’s going to redefine our relationships. I hope it doesn’t change them too much.

I suppose much of the anxiety of going to college results from having to build my own community from the ground up again.... I tell myself the pieces will fall together and everything will be ok, but it doesn’t stop the increasing anxiety from, well, increasing.

I loved this collection of essays, if you haven't read it, I recommend you do. In moving around for so many years, I haven't been able to keep a lot of books in my possession, but I kept this one because that essay really hit home for me, and continues to, no matter what part of life I'm currently experiencing.

I think moving to college did change my relationships. But change is not a bad thing - your childhood friendships, the few of them that survive, end up strengthening and growing into adult friendships. And in the end, isn't that better than not changing at all? I'm hoping that a few of my college friendships will do that too - we'll go from college friends to family friends, and my kids will call them "Aunt" and "Uncle" and they'll grow up watching their parents talk for hours in the front yard before finally getting in the car and leaving for home.

08-13-2016: But hey, this is part of what I signed up for, I knew I wasn’t going to have much of an initial safety net, but I’m sure I’ll survive. We, as humans, always find a way to adapt right?

I think I survived and adapted. Not in the way I saw things going, but we can never really fully predict things, can we? One day, I'll learn to give myself a safety net for the next chapter, I'm sure. Today's not that day though.

Going back to her director's note, there was one more thing that just struck an emotional chord for me:

Fun fact, Alice Wu actually went to MIT for a bit before transferring to Stanford, and then she became a software engineer at Microsoft! I relate a little too much to her. Maybe one day I too will dump coding for my art form. But for now, in this above example, I relate far too much. I worked on my album, Imperfect, a little too obsessively this past winter while trying to digest the throes of heartbreak from one of my own friendships that ended. I still don't know if there was an ending for that friendship. I think I've spent a lot of time trying to put off the end, like a TV series that just keeps adding more and more seasons. Regardless of whether it needs to end or not (which I have not decided and will continue not to do so), I spent a lot of time thinking about who I was before and after that friendship, and I've concluded that a lot of who I am now, what my life looks like now is a result of that friendship. I'll give you a hint: I really like who I am now, compared to who I was before, and it showed me a lot of parts of life and friendship that I never expected would happen. That friendship was (is?) one of the most beautiful things that has happened to me in my life.

Let's finish off this reflective post with a quote from Khalil Gibran, that's kinda related to that point about how transformative the past can be, and how we're far better off in future chapters of our lives because of it.

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;

For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.

Again, if you haven't read his collection of poems, you should absolutely 100% drop whatever you're doing right now and do so! Wow, I really just assigned an entire reading list in this post.

I hope in making this movie, Alice found peace. I would hesitate to say that I found peace when making my album. I wrote a lot of songs about the heartbreak I felt from that whole experience. But the last song I wrote, "Best Friends," ends the whole thing on a positive note, that at the end of the day, I remember how my friends (past and present) literally saved my life and how things are looking a little better, and whatever happens, I hope my best friends will be there waiting for me, whoever they end up being.

- OK I PROMISE I DIDN'T SET OUT TO BE 100% SO EMO -

But yeah, I haven't really been doing much otherwise? I guess just tryna stay alive, I've been cooking a lot and cooking a lot of good good food, I did apply to an MBA program, I got my COVID vaccine (second shot this week!), I am excited to announce I am publishing a paper in my MEng lab, which is a really big accomplishment imo, I am thriving in my (1) econ class that I kept, even though I didn't realize we had readings assigned like for the past month, I went to try pastries from this Turkish bakery, I biked, probably, 15 miles over the past month, I've read at least 4 or 5 books this year so far, and am hoping to knock another one out today. Currently dying because trying to finish my thesis in like . a week, which is looking a little challenging, but I'm sure it'll happen!!!??