#I'm truly so happy you think that... gaaah

[meownotgood]

i have been someone who has dreamed of becoming a reasonable author for almost all my life, i’ve only taken an inspiration from maybe 1 or 2 writers, but wow, seeing your works and seeing the small little tidbits you add to your blog in between of the progress you’ve made on future stories truly makes me want to get up from where i’m seated and write a novel, i love the way you word scenarios and i genuinely can see how much you put into your stories, the dedication and the heartfelt words make it more than just an x reader to me, the hours you put into revising and thinking of new details to what you write has definitely paid off well, i want you to know that your work is extremely valuable and inspiring, i wholeheartedly wish that i will be able to write the way you do soon

from an anonymous asker who deeply adores your work, thank you!

anon... thank you so much... I'm so happy you think so... you're the one who makes me want to get up and write, your words mean everything to me 🤲💗

[saintobio]

I seriously need to find out what movies you watch/stuff you read in your formative years or who hurt you that you manage to string the most painful sentences possible to articulate in human language and cause this heartwrenching pain on my heart. Forget about yn girl I'M about to have a heart attack.

It's crazy. Like I'm heartbroken and I'm pissed and I'm hopeful and I'm hurt and I want justice for my girl yn. I still don't know if I want them together but I just want her happy because my god does your stuff not wreck me🥲 Your work makes us feel so many things at the same time, I'm just in awe.

I don't even mean this in a mean or rude way but I hate angst and I still stick around like a stubborn tick when it comes to all your stories because your work just is that evocative.

On a personal basis, does writing so much pain not hurt you? I hope this doesn't sound mean omfg but as a reader, consuming a story so painful can do a number on my brain chemistry. I can't imagine how it feels to come up with these scenarios, write them, edit and rewrite them and then continuing the pain?? Group hugs for you and yn. 🥹

Long story short congratulations on being such a wonderful writer SY has ruined me and I will never forget it 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I will never recover😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 I will still lock tf in for all your work tho🫶🏻

gaaah i can’t recommend a good angsty movie/book/manhwa right now to you bcos nothing’s coming up in my head. but i do have a preference on consuming stuff that has neglect, cheating, unrequited love, and similar themes! and i guess that shows in my writings as well :’) also a lot of my works do stem from personal experiences so there’s that!

i think i’m at a point where writing too much angst has numbed me. but then again, i still cry when i’m writing heavy emotional scenes bcos i rly do get into it 🤧 i’d even listen to the playlist too so it hurts me more. like sy!yn has been screaming for a good ending for sooo long and here i am constantly wrecking her spirit every chapter bcos i enjoy that sting in my heart. it makes me feel more human :)))

(i love angst and i am truly one with pain. i know it’s obvious but i really can’t live without it. and the funny thing is, when i feel like i’m “too happy” with my current relationship, i’d ask my bf to make me sad and upset or pretend to hurt my feelings LMAOOO that’s how crazy i am for angst. i literally crave for it, it’s insane and idk why.)

[ticklish-n-stuff]

HIII THERE!! coulddddd i please ask for a lee!tsukasa (project sekai) x ler!reader (totally not in love with this man) where ermmm sorry i’m thinking of this on the spot LMAO they’re like cuddling and reader starts messing with him and tickling him etc !!

i love ur writing btw 💗💗

Happy belated birthday, Tsukasa!

I know I'm like 2 days too late for his bday but shhshshh

I managed to get his bday card in jp so he deserves some celebratory tickles~

And glad you enjoy my writing ^^

___________________________________________

Tsukasa x gn!reader (romantic)

Lee: Tsukasa

Ler: Reader

Warnings: Tickles!

___________________________________________

After a long day of celebrating the world's future star's birthday with all his friends, it was time to unwind with his special someone. You and Tsukasa were all cuddled up in the Tenma living room. Saki was out with her girlfriends and parents weren't home, just the two of you enjoying each other's presence...

"Ah, today was so fun! But I think I'm beat for the night..." he let out a soft chuckle, throwing his arm along your shoulders and pulling you closer into him.

"I bet, you were running all over the place trying to keep up with everyone. But now I get to keep you all to myself...~" you sent him a flirtatious smirk, wrapping your arms around his waist. His cheeks turned slightly pink, the bold comment making him let out a bashful giggle.

"Oh yeah? So... have anything in mind you wanna do?~" he whispered teasingly into your ear.

"Hmm... I have some ideas~" as you spoke, your arms lightly squeezed around his waist, causing him to let out a startled gasp.

"Oh no no no! It looks like I've fallen for your trap!" he sighed dramatically, placing the back of his hand up to his forehead and crashing down across your lap. As if cupid himself struck him right in the heart.

You rolled your eyes at his playful antics while tenderly running your fingers along his hair. "Someone seems a bit excited~" you teased him, causing his cheeks to grow darker in embarrassment.

"W-well... y'know I can't resist your birthday tickles...~" he spoke looking like a shy schoolboy in front of his crush. His gaze staring at anything else besides your own and fumbling with his fingers.

"Aww, does my cute, little star want his birthday tickles already?~" you cooed down at him. Tsukasa's face turned all red as he started giggling from the teasing alone. He hid his face behind his hands and drummed his feet against the couch from how giddy he felt.

The blonde let out a cute, little whine and a shy nod. Feeling too embarrassed to properly respond.

"Hehe, anything for you cutie~" you placed a sweet kiss along his hands as your fingers started to gently roam along his belly. The reaction was instant as Tsukasa squeaked and started rolling around your lap.

"W-waHAhait! I-I wahahasn't reheheady...!" he tried to protest, but his constant giggles just made him look even cuter. Which just made you want to tease him more...~

"But sweetie, you asked for this. Weren't you just saying how much you just love it when I go coochi coochi coo~".

Tsukasa squealed in ticklish glee from the teasing. He brought his arms down to clutch at his torso, revealing the toothy grin on his face. "Gaaah! Hahaha! S-shut uhuhup!!" he protested, although we all knew he loved the teasing as much as the tickles themselves. Your fingers ran up and down his sides and all over his belly, occassionally poking at his navel to make him squeak in surprise. All his reactions were so precious.

Even if he was wriggling around like a maniac, the genuine look of joy in his face over something so innocent was enough to make your own heart feel warm. His infectious laughter always managed to crack a smile on your face.

Once he started hiccuping through his hysterics, you slowed your fingers to a stop, opting to soothinly rub his stomach. "Is that better, superstar?" you asked with a soft look on your face, making Tsukasa feel like mush. He truly loved these moments, and so did you.

"Y-yeah hehe... that was fun~" he admitted with a bright smile plastered on his face. He was a bit out of breath and still slightly giggly so you kept comforting him a while longer until he fully calmed down.

He sat back up, snuggling close to you "Best present ever~" you both chuckled as you spent the rest of the night cuddled in each other's arms.

___________________________________________

I feel like I made this very self indulgent akdhskfhskjd

[borathae]

I don't know if you do it on purpose when you make him call him angel/ heaven/ north star but I love it! The vocabulary of divine adoration to someone who represents a heavenly being to a vampire who's known only he'll and demons for so long in his life

I love how Jungkook to him is synonymous with guardian and protector and a safe home for his heart :(

Also the banner is perfect because for some reason I kept picturing them wearing white in the bonfire

I'm just so happy for taehyung. Truly. I know he loves oc immensely and he wants eternity with her but I think what he has with Jungkook is on an entire different plain honestly!!! Despite the short time and this just goes to tell you that his heart is so big and has capacity for the biggest of love stories still after all the heartache and pain inside. Explains why his lust in the beginning was so insatiable, he couldn't get enough. It's like his soul body and heart knew what his brain couldn't grasp. Like his soul knew it was sick and Jungkook was the only remedy. I believe the magnet that kept pulling them together is just that, Jungkooks heart and touch yearned to protect taehyung and taehyung s heart knew there will not be anyone else to guard his heart better than kookie. (Mini flashback to the inconcious waist grab when taes got stabbed) We all thought it was going to end badly or just in fuckbuddy type thing but I'm so glad it actually didn't!

And when they cried and cuddled:( :( I'm so happy for teteboy I swear he's such a sap romantic and he found a cheeseball like him who appreciates it when he does charcuterie boards and speaks in poetry and gets flowers and kisses their knuckles:(

I don't know if you do it on purpose when you make him call him angel/ heaven/ north star but I love it! The vocabulary of divine adoration to someone who represents a heavenly being to a vampire who's known only he'll and demons for so long in his life

gaaah this is so lovely!!!! I love love LOVE what you said 🥺😭💜 it's definitely on purpose that I make him call him such nicknames but your analysis of why he does it is so fucking romantic and lovely I'M CRYING

I love how Jungkook to him is synonymous with guardian and protector and a safe home for his heart :(

*sobs harder* I LOVE THEM

Also the banner is perfect because for some reason I kept picturing them wearing white in the bonfire

aaah I love that!!! goshshsh this is very lovely to hear 💜

I'm just so happy for taehyung. Truly. I know he loves oc immensely and he wants eternity with her but I think what he has with Jungkook is on an entire different plain honestly!!! Despite the short time and this just goes to tell you that his heart is so big and has capacity for the biggest of love stories still after all the heartache and pain inside.

I agree <3 what he has with Kook is definitely special and goshhhh not you hitting me with the angst 😭 he is such a lover, like even after everything which happened, he chooses to love 😭😭

Explains why his lust in the beginning was so insatiable, he couldn't get enough. It's like his soul body and heart knew what his brain couldn't grasp. Like his soul knew it was sick and Jungkook was the only remedy. I believe the magnet that kept pulling them together is just that, Jungkooks heart and touch yearned to protect taehyung and taehyung s heart knew there will not be anyone else to guard his heart better than kookie.

gaaaah gaaaah aaaah!!!! AAAAH!!! I'M SO DEEP in my feels omfg 😭😭

(Mini flashback to the inconcious waist grab when taes got stabbed)

barking THis is still so hot to me fnadnsf

We all thought it was going to end badly or just in fuckbuddy type thing but I'm so glad it actually didn't!

no but me too!!! istfg I'm so happy that it didn't end in that 😭

And when they cried and cuddled:( :( I'm so happy for teteboy I swear he's such a sap romantic and he found a cheeseball like him who appreciates it when he does charcuterie boards and speaks in poetry and gets flowers and kisses their knuckles:(

they're so right for each other 😭

[yukikorogashi]

-puts on shades to hide my identity- I admit, there are times that I really worry about you and your health. I only want the best for you, and seeing you work so much and so hard makes me proud yet concerned. ONLY BECAUSE I LOVE YOU THOUGH, because I want you to thrive but want you to rest too, you deserve so much and more considering what you go through and have already been through. You're so sweet, still spending time and energy to make others smile and laugh when there are times you probably need it most of all. I only hope that we can do fulfill this for you, to give you the energy and good vibes you need to keep going, but you can always fall to us if you're struggling. I may be half across the world but THAT WON'T STOP MEEEE. Either way, I love you sooooooo MUCH, your creativity and energy is so contagious, I love talking and writing with you. Such a lovely, fun, kind, determined person that deserves the entire world. -HUGS AND KISSES-

ANONYMOUSLY TELL ME YOUR HONEST OPINION ABOUT ME. I CAN’T REPLY, JUST PUBLISH.

Blast me eyes, for those sunglasses made it near impossible for me to identify you! But I was determined to find out who these kind words belonged to sooooo... SMOL, of course it was you! 😭❤️💕

But aaaahhhh I appreciate your concern so, so much, Smol, I truly do! 💕❤️ Reading all of this (Several times now) made me actually place my hands over my own heart like 🥺. And I'm so sorry for worrying you though, because I know I tend to post a lot about how I keep getting my ass kicked by my health problems and how I am just, terrible at taking care of myself (But lord I try, I promise you this 😭). All of this means so much to me, that I simply can't express my gratitude enough enough when it comes to just knowing you and having you in my life. 🥺

But gaaahh thank you, THANK YOU. Thank you for just being such a wonderful, loving and supportive friend, all the time. You are always such a warm ray of sunshine, and I think I have boofed a few iterations of this by now-- but gosh, you just never stop shining, and that always leaves me in such awe and wonder about you and just how wonderful you are. ;u; And omg I'm so glad I can make you and others laugh and smile like??? Gaaah I'm so so glad to hear my silly posts and stuff are able to do just that. It makes me so happy to hear that we can all share in on the laughter like this. ❤️

You have already done so much for me, just by being my friend, Smol. ❤️ Thank you so, so much for always having my back. For always being so ready to help me get back up or keep me on my feet before they even have a chance of giving out. You do so much, you really do. You have so much love and kindness in your heart, and I'm so lucky I'm one of those that gets to be blessed with so much of it.

I love you so, SO MUCH TOO, okay? AND NAH, something as trivial as us living on opposite sides of the planet ain't gonna stop us! uwu I BET-- if we lived on different planets right now, that wouldn't stop us either SO auwheauwhe!!! But yes, all of this right back at you, m'darlin'! Your energy, creativity, passion, enthusiasm are all so splendiferously contagious, that it surely leaves anyone that interacts with you or just sees you smiling like a dum dum, like I'm doing right now!

I LOVE getting to learn about all of your muses and getting to write with them! Why, just the other day, when you were teaching me more about Suletta and sharing things that you love about her? It was such a joy, and I was so happy to learn more about her whilst we did some light plotting (AND NOW OUR SPACE BBIES ARE GONNA BE FRIENDS WHOO WHOO!!!)!

And you deserve the world too, okay? 🥺❤️

MUACKS YOU AND JUST... HUGS ONTO YOU FOR A LITTLE WHILE LONGER WHILE I STILL CAN... ❤️💕

@wxtchpilot ❤️💕

[wild-karrde]

The way I know I'm gonna be devastated when I get caught up on this fic. I think that's part of why I've been taking it slow. We shall see. In the mean time, I AM INVESTED. Obsessed? Maybe.

OK IMMEDIATE PANIC WITH THESE FIRST FEW CHAPTERS. I know Daria drives Kazi bonkers, but she's still her sister, and this is STILL GONNA HURT LIKE A MO FO. And oh my GODDDDD the way she had to treat her with the medicine, the conflict she had to feel in that moment. My heart hurts for her SO MUCH. Knowing more about Daria's illness makes it much more real, and wow the way in which she's deteriorating is going to be EXCEPTIONALLY painful. And then having a timeline put on it? Like of course she knew Daria's time had suddenly become limited, but getting an actual finite amount of time? There's always something about that that is just devastating to me (I am one of those humans that doesn't wanna know when it's coming).

I see so much of myself in Kazi. The fact that she hadn't really spoken to her family, but when push comes to shove, she drops everything and gets to them when they need her? That's such a big sister sort of thing, and it's hitting so close to home for me in a really gut-punching way. I think you've poured so many special little things into her character that it's not hard to find at least one piece of her that's relatable. She's such a beautifully complex character (I know I say this practically every comment, but I shall continue to shout about it, so that's that).

And then the fact that stress may have exacerbated things? The stress of their argument? KAZI I WANNA HUG YOU BECAUSE I KNOW YOU'RE FEELING THAT GUILT.

Her head felt too heavy. Too full. Like it was stuffed with wet sheep wool and she couldn’t stop it from expanding and thickening. 

Again, your imagery? Fucking fantastic.

AHHHHHH NEYTI'S USING THE PAINTS! And Kazi wants to tell Cody because she knows it'll make him happy MY HEART YESSSSSSS.

OMG AND THEN SHE TRIES TO STAB FOX WITH THE PAINT BRUSH. MY GIRL. I LOVE HER.

AHHHHHHHHHHH ADDITIONAL SCREAMING HE'S TRYING TO GIVE HER SHAVED ICE. THEY ARE TRYING SO HARD. And Fox trying to tease Kazi about Neyti and Daria, but he has NO CLUE WHAT'S GOING ON IN THE BACKGROUND. AND KAZI IS SO STUBBORN. (I truly adore the dynamic and how it's developing, can you tell?)

It didn’t matter, really. Once Neyti was adopted and Daria passed away, there would be nothing left to concern her. And no one to know her.

Kazi nooooo don't doom yourself to that loneliness my love.

And the cleaning because everything else feels out of control, but that's one thing she can do, one thing she can have control of. And the checklist to keep her mind busy. GAAAH.

AND THE FISHING MEMORY. JEEZUS CHRIST. THE FIRST TIME YOU WATCH SOMEONE POP ONE IN THE HEAD LIKE THAT?? YEAH. TRAUMATIZING. (sorry I just screamed maniacally because the relatability factor just went through the roof lol. DAMN YOU FISH TRAUMA).

WHEW and then the comparison between her father's death and how Daria is declining? BIG OUCH. The emotional punches just keep on coming this chapter.

And now the big fight. Because Kazi needs to let off steam, and Wolffe presents that opportunity. BUT ALSO I WANNA KNOW WHAT HIS DEAL IS I AM HYPED.

And OOOOF WOLFFE WITH THE MISINFORMED LOW BLOW. AND HERE COMES KAZI WITH THE HAYMAKER.

“I thought you were running rescue missions, Commander.” She gestured to the empty entryway. “Where are your rescued soldiers?” The taunt was cruel and horrible and she would regret it the moment the conversation ended, but in the moment, she wanted him to hurt. The way she was hurting beneath his criticism of her character.

WE'RE OFF AND RUNNING NOW, FOLKS. WE'RE JUST SWINGING FOR THE FENCES.

“You wouldn’t understand.” He cocked his head, his sneer belittling. “Your home life is fucked up. You have a kid who doesn’t trust you. Your relationship with your sister is estranged. You’re a shitty sister and even shittier caretaker. And you wouldn’t know the first thing about familial duty.”

WOOF.

“You’re a clone. What do you know about familial duty?”

“You’re a paranoid bastard.” A tear eased down her cheek and she furiously wiped it away. “You’re so fucking paranoid because you turned on your own people. Your actions allowed the Empire to rise and the Republic to crumble. And now you expect any and everyone to turn on you because you were the traitor first.”

Man ALIVE THEY ARE GOING FOR THE THROAT AND IT HURTS BUT I AM CHEERING FOR THE "COMING AROUND TO ONE ANOTHER WHEN WE FIGURE OUT WE HAVE SEVERELY MISJUDGED ONE ANOTHER" PERIOD. But also JEEZUS WHAT A WAY TO CLOSE THIS ONE OUT.

I Yearn, and so I Fear - Chapter V

Masterlist | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

General Summary. Nearly a year since the Galactic Empire’s rise to power, Kazi Ennari is trying to survive. But her routine is interrupted—and life upended—when she’s forced to cohabitate with former Imperial soldiers. Clone soldiers. 

Pairing. Commander Wolffe x female!OC

General Warnings. Canon-typical violence and assault, familial struggles, terminal disease, bigotry, explicit sexual content, death. This story deals with heavy content. If you’re easily triggered, please do not read. For a more comprehensive list of tags, click here.

Fic Rating. E (explicit)/18+/Minors DNI.

Chapter Word Count. 4.6K

Beta. @starstofillmydream

3 Helona

“These symptoms are extreme for this stage of her illness,” Healer Natasha said.

Kazi didn’t respond as she studied her sister. 

Asleep, Daria looked fragile. Easily breakable. Like the glass dolls common in Reformist households on Ceaia. The dolls with unblinking eyes, perfectly plain skin, and rosy lips. 

Sweat glistened on Daria’s forehead. Her breathing was shallow yet slowing, courtesy of the anesthetic med-spike Kazi stabbed her with an hour ago.

The fear in her sister’s eyes—the sheer terror—when Kazi pinned her to the ground was imprinted in her mind. 

It happened so fast. 

Kazi had only just returned from work. Exhausted, she visited Neyti’s empty room to place a new stuffed animal—a space whale—on the pillows. On her way back, she caught sight of Daria in her room, staring at a wall, rocking slightly.

“Daria?” Kazi asked hesitantly. 

Daria flinched. “Where are we?” she whispered. “Why am I here?”

The fear in her sister’s voice moored Kazi to the floor. She was so tired—mentally and physically worn to the bones—that she could only stare at her sister. Confused. Uncomprehending. She took one step forward but Daria collapsed to the floor. Her hands flattened against her ears. Her body curved into a ball. She panted for air. 

It was the sound of her panicked breaths that snapped Kazi into action. She snatched the med-spike from the hallway closet. The medicine had sat there, unused, for months. 

She had never expected to use it.

And she hadn’t expected Daria to start crying, begging, her not to hurt her. 

Scared and unnerved, Kazi stabbed Daria with the med-spike. Her sister fell limp beneath her. 

The only good thing about the situation: Neyti was downstairs sketching, and Commander Fox and trooper Nova were gone, so no one witnessed the ordeal. 

“I thought you said her medicine was supposed to prevent these symptoms.” Kazi faced Healer Natasha, folding her arms across her chest.

After endless appointments with Ceaian healers unwilling to treat Daria, Kazi was relieved to meet Healer Natasha. 

A decade older, Healer Natasha was quick to diagnose Daria, create a treatment plan, and enforce necessary care all within two weeks. The healer was dedicated to Daria’s treatment. Determined to ease her suffering and preserve the stability of her mind for as long as possible. Her kindly personality and patient attentiveness made her respectable and trustworthy.  

However, months ago, Healer Natasha claimed a morning and nightly potion would curb Daria’s symptoms. That severe episodes of forgetfulness and panic were improbable the first fifteen months of the disease’s three-year timeframe.

The disease wasn’t supposed to progress for another eight months. 

“The potions should be working.” Healer Natasha studied Daria’s pulse and scribbled a note onto her datapad. “Their efficacy is tested and proven. There must be something interfering…”

Kazi swallowed a bite of fear. “How much time do you think she has?” 

“Possibly a year.” Kazi blanched and Healer Natasha offered her a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry. I can ease the symptoms as much as possible until the next stage.”

“The next stage is—”

“Loss of memory. I advise moving her to the medical center for 24-hour care.”

“You said Stage Two won’t happen until Telona of next year. At the earliest.” Her heart was beating far too fast, and she swallowed, forcing her breaths to calm. “You said she had at least two years to live from Telona. She’s only been sick for seven months.”

“Daria’s disease is an anomaly, and one we have little information to study,” the healer said gently. “The disease has few similarities across patients and we still don’t know the cause or if it’s curable. I am operating based on what I have researched, but much is left to the unknown.”

Kazi knew all of this—they had talked about it before. But it didn’t make acceptance easier.

Seven months ago, she was working in Ceaia’s capital when she received a comm message from home. Nearly eight years had passed without word from her mother, and she had rarely spoken to Daria in that time. So the comm message shocked her. She didn’t know what to expect.

That night, she quit her job, packed her belongings, and bought a one-way ticket back home. 

The local healer didn’t know how to treat Daria and the few droids available were just as useless. Kazi threw herself into researching Daria’s symptoms, cross-referencing potential illnesses, contacting various healers across the planet and then expanding her search to neighboring systems. She argued her way into consultations with the most renowned healers. 

All of those hours researching, all of those days she spent trying to find a solution, were ultimately futile. The last healer they saw on Ceaia claimed the disease was a progressive destruction of memory and mental functions. There was no cure. 

In private, the healer had advised Kazi to stop wasting her time and monetary resources on her sister. To instead enroll Daria in a 24-hour hospice center. The pity on his face at her immediate refusal still rankled her. 

Through it all—the dozens of consultations and various healers—Daria became more withdrawn. Reclusive and quiet. Kazi assumed it was a combination of shock and grief. 

Their mother was no help. Daria was her pride, and her hope for the future, and Daria’s inability to marry into society left her depressed.

Her hopelessness didn’t matter much since she passed away a few months later. From heart failure. It wasn’t a shock considering she was in her early seventies. She didn’t have Kazi and Daria until her early forties, as Traditionalist and Reformist culture encouraged, and the combined stress of Kazi leaving home at eighteen and the onslaught of Daria’s disease was too much for her to handle.  

Kazi thought their mother’s death would upset Daria. To her surprise, her sister became less morose and reclusive. 

“I don’t have much time,” Daria said one day, her smile forcibly brave, “and I won’t waste it moping.”

Healer Natasha placed a hand on Kazi’s shoulder, her fingers dark brown and scarred. “You should prepare yourself for the possibility that Daria’s illness is progressing at a faster rate.”

“I understand.” Kazi observed Daria’s pallid features. “Thank you for coming by tonight. I know it’s not in your contract—”

“Daria is my only patient. I’m here for her.” Kazi nodded her gratitude while the healer packed her bag. Once her instruments were sequestered away, Healer Natasha straightened, a frown marring her features. “A question, Ms. Lucien: has Daria encountered anything at home that could have increased her stress levels in the past months?”

The last three months zipped through Kazi’s memories, like a holofilm fast-forwarded. The clones’ arrival was the sole anomaly. But had built a rapport with Commanders Cody and Fox, and on some occasions, she even cooked with the former. 

An indicator of high stress probably emerged from—

“We’ve had a few disagreements about the future,” Kazi admitted.

“The future?” Healer Natasha hefted her bag. “Her future?”

“No.” Kazi scrunched her nose. “Mine.”

Healer Natasha nodded in understanding, approaching the bedroom door. “It would be best to avoid stressful conversations as they can exacerbate her symptoms, especially conversations about the future. Patients suffering from terminal disease struggle with both the unknown and the desire for a future. Talks about what you will be doing in a year or two can increase distress.”

Late evening sunshine bespeckled the surrounding jungle when Healer Natasha left. Kazi locked the front door and leaned against the wall, pressing her palms to her eyes. 

Her head felt too heavy. Too full. Like it was stuffed with wet sheep wool and she couldn’t stop it from expanding and thickening. 

Deciding fresh air and the setting sun might ease her headache, Kazi wandered to the sunroom. She expected to find Neyti absorbed in a sketch. Instead, she stumbled on a puzzling sight.  

Outside, Neyti sat among the ferns, a canvas on her lap and a paintbrush in her hand. For a brief moment, Kazi was distracted by the canvas and paints. The ones Commander Cody had gifted Neyti a few days ago. She hadn’t seen Neyti use them before and the sight eased some of her tension. She made a mental note to tell the commander when he returned to the house from his mission. He would appreciate it. 

And then she took in the entire situation, and former elation gave way to exasperation.

Rather than painting, Neyti was scowling, her knuckles white against a paintbrush. Scowling at Commander Fox and trooper Nova.

The clones must have returned from the Marketplace while Kazi was speaking to Healer Natasha. Each carried a bag of groceries, but it was Commander Fox who also held a cup in his hand. He stood a few meters from Neyti and was gesturing to the cup. Behind him, Nova grimaced. 

Commander Fox took a step closer. He started to kneel. 

Eyes narrowed, Neyti brandished her paintbrush and stabbed it in his direction.

“Oh my fucking gods,” Kazi muttered under her breath. 

The commander lifted a hand in surrender, and he slowly lowered the cup to the ground. Neyti swiped at him. Again. Kazi hurried outside.

“Neyti.” The girl blinked at her. Kazi gave her a long look. “We don’t hit people with paintbrushes.” She turned on the commander. “And if she doesn’t want whatever you have, don’t pressure her to accept it.”

Commander Fox shrugged, his casual demeanor forcibly unruffled. “I was going to leave it there and walk away.”

Kazi turned her attention back to Neyti, lifting an eyebrow. Neyti glowered at Commander Fox and then lowered her brush. A frustrated huff spoke her true feelings. 

Sharing a look with Commander Fox—the clone’s mouth pressed in a hard line—Kazi accepted the cup he placed in her hands. Lemony shaved ice filled it to the brim, and she felt herself start to smile as she knelt on the ground. Neyti eyed the cup suspiciously.

“This is a treat,” Kazi explained, spooning a lump of ice.

“I told her that,” the commander said. A distinct line wrinkled between his eyes. “I thought younglings liked dessert.”

“They do.” Nova’s voice was quiet, softer than Commander Fox’s. His hair was longer than any of the three commanders and a yellow tattoo of a rising sun lightened his left cheek. “Guess the problem is you.”

Commander Fox rolled his eyes. 

Ignoring them, Kazi offered the spoonful of ice to Neyti. The girl hesitated. 

“It’s really good, I promise,” she encouraged. 

When Neyti continued to eye the cup, Kazi shrugged, taking a bite for herself. Commander Fox had opted for a simple flavor: lemon with a hint of mint. It wasn’t half bad, though she preferred lemon and lavender. 

“You know,” she said, meeting Neyti’s intrigued gaze, “shaved ice is popular on Ceaia.”

The pointed comment was a theory she had developed the last few weeks, and Neyti’s reaction—her lips parting and former suspicion melting into interest—partially confirmed it. 

Neyti set aside her canvas and paintbrush, and Kazi handed her the cup. Carefully, Neyti spooned a small mouthful of the ice and took a tentative bite. 

Her eyes widened. Fascination, and subtle delight, lit her face. She took another, larger bite.

A quiet, hoarse chuckle emanated from the clone commander, and Neyti stiffened. A disparaging glare darkened her face. To Kazi’s slight amusement, Commander Fox winked. An angry flush darkened Neyti’s face. The little girl shoved herself to her feet, huffed her annoyance in Commander Fox’s direction, and stomped toward the closest tree, collapsing among its knotted roots. 

“Good going,” Nova said. Shoving the commander in the shoulder, he grabbed both bags of groceries and strode into the house.

Commander Fox slid his hands into his trousers’ pockets, watching Neyti. “You have your hands full. With that one and your sister.”

The amusement in his tone—the suggestion behind his comment—made Kazi stiffen. He had no right to judge Neyti and her sister. He had no right to make them his entertainment. 

“Don’t talk about Neyti that way,” she said coldly. “And don’t talk about my sister, either.”

The commander blinked his bemusement. “I wasn’t—”

“I have work to do.” Stepping away, she settled her attention on Neyti. “You should go inside. I think it’s best if you don’t bother her.”

A muscle ticked in his jaw but Commander Fox inclined his head, retreating into the house. 

The moment the back door snapped shut, Kazi grimaced. Maybe she was too quick to judge him. Maybe she shouldn’t have snapped at him. And she probably should have thanked him for thinking of Neyti. For buying her a treat. 

But Kazi couldn’t muster the energy to care. To feel ashamed for her behavior. 

Stress had gnawed through her muscles and was now working on her bones, dull teeth steadily eating her away. 

She wondered how long she would last. 

It didn’t matter, really. Once Neyti was adopted and Daria passed away, there would be nothing left to concern her. And no one to know her.

The bluish glow of Eluca’s three moons washed across the first level while Kazi mopped the hardwood floors. Unable to sleep, she thought the repetitive motions would soothe the amalgamated mess of conflicting thoughts pounding inside her head. So far, it hadn’t worked.  

She needed to access the bank codes for Bash. And yet she still didn’t know how to.

She needed to research Daria’s disease and see if there was an explanation for her rapid progression. And yet she knew it was ultimately futile.

She needed to reconvene with the adoption center and confirm Neyti’s application. And yet she had to wait for Neyti’s testing. 

She needed to call a mechanic and get the kitchen fixed—the squeaky drawers, broken cabinets, weak faucet grew more problematic by the day. And yet she couldn’t muster the fucking energy to make one comm call.

The house was dirty. She hadn’t properly cleaned the kitchen, living room, and sunroom in a month, and her bedsheets were unwashed for more than three weeks, and she hadn’t dusted in a long time, and there were crumbs—fucking crumbs—on the kitchen counters because the adults in this house were too lazy to properly clean the fucking counters after a meal. 

Living room floors scrubbed and drying, Kazi made her way to the kitchen. A glance at the chrono heightened her fatigue. 

She closed her eyes, telling herself not to cry. She wanted to sleep, but she couldn’t. And she despised lack of sleep. Her head felt too heavy to think and her muscles too slow to respond. She would most likely opt out of a swim and then she would miss an important workout and—

Kazi opened an upper cabinet and retrieved the sole bottle of alcohol in the house. A bottle of aged red wine. 

Daria couldn’t drink because of her medicine, and Kazi disliked the lack of control she experienced when she did drink, so alcohol was in short commodity. The bottle of wine she was uncorking was a gift from the neighbor a kilometer away. An older man she hadn’t spoken to since, though she did wave whenever she saw him drive by. 

A short pop and the cork fell away. A regular glass filled to the brim. A dark red unsavory.

At the first mouthful, Kazi nearly spit it out. Gods, she hated wine. Too sweet. Too thick. Too many uncomfortable memories. 

Another mouthful and she closed her eyes. The image of Daria, pale and sweaty, begging not to be hurt, seared her mind. Her eyes flew open. She released a shaky breath.

The urge to run spasmed down her spine. The urge to leave the house, leave her sister and Neyti, and just run. 

Run far away. Away from the responsibility, away from Daria’s suffering.

Kazi stared at the dark wine, its color too reminiscent of blood. Her hand started to shake and she set the glass aside. It was pathetic, but the bloody glass reminded her of her first, and only, time fishing with her father. 

She was five, eager to prove herself a reliable sailing companion. 

They sailed to one of the islands, her father cast a line, and they sat for an hour. Waiting. It was a rare day. The sun peeked through Ceaia’s usually gray clouds, its rays a gregarious warmth. 

Little Kazi had high expectations. For both herself and the experience. 

The line snagged, and she and her father shared an excited grin, reeling in the first catch of the day: a fish longer than her arm and quite fat. She watched her father kneel on the wooden boards. The fish squirmed and struggled. Kazi no longer felt excited. 

Her father raised a long spike. She kept watching the fish try to escape. To return home and live. Her father stabbed the fish in its head.

The sight haunted her nightmares for an entire year.

The fish wriggling. Blood oozing from its scales. The sound of its tail smacking the deck.

It took a long time for the fish to quiet and then still.

Little Kazi sobbed. She sobbed over the pain and suffering of a fucking fish. 

Startled by her reaction, her father abandoned the rest of the trip and they returned home. And so began a life avoiding the signs of pain and suffering. 

More difficult to avoid than Kazi had expected considering her mother owned the local apothecary and served as a healer on most days. She had forced Kazi and Daria to accompany her during busy hours. Daria helped. Eager to ease patients’ suffering. Eager to do good. Kazi stood in the corner, hands pressed to her ears, trembling as she listened to grunts of pain. Screams.

She took to running away. To avoid it all. 

The day her father died, she was ten, and she saw him in the med-center bed. His body was broken; his face was swollen. He had reached for her. His pain was too similar to Daria’s. 

Except his death was different. 

His sudden absence left her shocked and grieving—there was no time to prepare. She had eaten breakfast with him that morning, and he was gone by dinner.

Daria’s illness prolonged her pain and suffering. 

There would come a time when her little sister no longer remembered her. A time when Daria wouldn’t even know her own name. 

And Kazi wasn’t prepared for it. No matter the façade she wore, she wasn’t prepared. 

Swallowing another mouthful of the sweet wine, Kazi drained two-thirds of the glass. She was about to force herself to finish it when the front door banged open.

The glass fell. Its shatter was as loud as a blaster shot in the silence of night. Wine splattered her freshly mopped floors. 

Heart slamming against her chest, Kazi peered around the staircase wall and toward the entryway. A glaring Commander Wolffe followed by a narrow-eyed Commander Cody shadowed the hall. The front door snapped behind them, the lock sliding in place.

The anger emanating from them was palpable enough that Kazi’s stomach dropped. Tension slithered down her spine and she retreated into the middle of the kitchen, the bar serving as a barrier. 

The clones trudged toward the bookcase, Commander Cody offering her a grim nod before disappearing into the basement. Commander Wolffe paused beside the bookcase. He tucked a small, worn notebook into his utility belt and lifted his gaze to hers. 

A blackening blob puffed his right eye. His tetchy expression reminded her of their last conversation a few nights ago. The conversation when he rudely dismissed her. 

Tapping her fingers against the counter, she studied the harsh lines of his face. 

Mouth pressed in a thin line. Shoulders rigid. Jaw clenched painfully tight. 

“Do you want to discuss the intel?” she asked.

It was like poking a shark with a fishing pole—purposeful agitation with the expectation of a reaction. She knew she should ignore him. Clean up the glass and go to bed. However, she wanted to antagonize him. Because he was rude and dismissive and she needed to know why he no longer wanted to share intel. Needed to know why she wasn’t considered good enough for him.

“I told you,” he said, voice taut with restraint, “I’ve changed my mind.”

“Why.” 

The commander regarded her. Bored, unfazed by her question.

“I don’t understand you.” She chuffed a sardonic laugh. “You were the one who asked me to work on the intel—”

“I don’t believe you’re capable of handling it.”

Her lips pursed. “I attended one of the most prestigious universities in the Outer Rim. I received not only my first degree in basic analytics, but I received a second and third degree in military and political intelligence. Military analytics is my specialty. I’m more than credentialed to analyze your intelligence. More than you probably are as a soldier.”

Commander Wolffe released a scoff so full of scorn her vision reddened. The commander’s outline blurred at the edges, and she knew she needed to walk away. 

“What’s your problem?” she demanded. 

A moment of silence passed. The commander seemed to be wavering between his two options: engage or back away. His soldiery background must have won out because he squared his shoulders and let the bookcase close. He took a step closer, countenance ornery. 

“My brothers and I are the ones out there. Running missions. Risking our lives,” Commander Wolffe said. His voice was low, strained with a rising rage that set her on edge. “We don’t have room for a shoddy analytic job. We don’t have room for mistakes.” 

“My analyses are not shoddy,” Kazi hissed. “I dedicate time and effort to make sure they’re the most accurate they can be—”

“I know you don’t give a shit about the lives of my brothers. But I do.” He levelled the full weight of his glare on her. A glare full of vitriolic antipathy. “And I won’t put their lives at risk based on your analyses.”

Kazi blinked her shock, straightening her spine. This asshole was questioning her credibility. Questioning her effectiveness at a skillset she had honed for eight years. The skillset she dedicated years of her life to perfecting in order to escape the forced life of demure housewife and child-bearer. 

“I would never put someone’s life at risk.” Heated rage turmoiled beneath her skin, churning hotter and faster. “You have no right to judge my skillset—”

“I reserve every right to question your credibility. These are my brothers at risk—”

“Then why did you ask me for help?” 

“I miscalculated.” He shrugged. “I realize now you’re lacking the quality we need.”

Internally, she flinched, and it took more effort than she cared to admit to keep her features unruffled. His opinion didn’t matter. She knew her skillset was credible and refined, but she couldn’t entirely dissuade the self-doubt it procured. 

“You’re the one who asked me for help, and now all you can do is ridicule my work?” A hollow laugh broke loose. “You’re pathetic.”

Commander Wolffe jerked away, his nostrils flaring and scowl hardening into deep fissures. He took a breath. And then another. Never looking away. 

“Are you going to bring men around here?” The question caught her off guard but she didn’t miss the blatant mistrust and scorn. “I’ll need to know. For security purposes.”

Kazi eyed him for a long moment and then realization crashed into her. 

The commander had overheard her argument with Daria. A good portion of it.

The judgment in his gaze—the expectation that she would risk their operation for a male—was despicable. And it pissed her off even more.

“That’s not a problem you need to worry about.” She fisted her hands at her sides to steady herself, both from the wine blurring her vision and the defensive anger howling to get out. “Instead of worrying about who I spend my time with, maybe you should worry about your own missions. Since they’re clearly ineffective.”

It was a low blow. A punch straight to his ego and she knew it. She relished in his nearly imperceptible flinch. 

“I thought you were running rescue missions, Commander.” She gestured to the empty entryway. “Where are your rescued soldiers?” The taunt was cruel and horrible and she would regret it the moment the conversation ended, but in the moment, she wanted him to hurt. The way she was hurting beneath his criticism of her character. “Maybe if you had an accurate analysis—”

“Shut up.” 

“What? You don’t like hearing the truth? Your missions are pointless and do nothing for the good of the galaxy—”

“I’m rescuing my men. I’m doing something. What the fuck are you doing?”

Commander Wolffe took a step closer to the bar, running his tongue along his teeth. Kazi widened her stance, refusing to balk beneath his hostility. 

“You’re a nobody from a backwater planet that thought it could rebel against the Empire.” The commander leaned across the bar. “What good did that do for your people? For the galaxy?”

Kazi suddenly felt both cold and hot. How he knew about Ceaia, she wasn’t sure, but it threw her off-kilter. An attack on a vulnerability she tried so hard to bury. An attack on the guilt she harbored for her cowardice.

“You wanna talk about doing nothing for the galaxy,” Commander Wolffe growled, “let’s start with you running from your planet. You could have stayed and fought. And instead, you saved yourself—” 

“It would have been a massacre.” Her voice was quiet, underscored by a slight tremble. “Staying would have done nothing—”

He snorted. “You’re a coward.”

“I’m trying to help others. The rebel network—”

“Is an idealistic group of people. They naively believe they can take down the Empire—”

“And is it not naively idealistic to try to rescue clone soldiers from the Empire?” She snickered and the commander stilled, his features stony. “What’s the point? There are hundreds of thousands of clones. You can’t save them all.” 

“You wouldn’t understand.” He cocked his head, his sneer belittling. “Your home life is fucked up. You have a kid who doesn’t trust you. Your relationship with your sister is estranged. You’re a shitty sister and even shittier caretaker. And you wouldn’t know the first thing about familial duty.”

The accusation burrowed into her chest and flayed open the encaged emotions she worked tirelessly to repress. Her insides felt cold and tears—from both hurt and self-righteous anger—pressed at the corners of her eyes.

“How can you judge me for my home life when you don’t even understand the meaning of it?” She swallowed, ignoring the blood welling in her palms beneath her fingernails. “You’re a clone. What do you know about familial duty?”

The commander’s upper lip curled. “I have brothers—men I care for. Men I’m trying to save. Every mission I run is for them. What have you done for your family? Nothing.”

“You don’t know what I’ve done for my family. You don’t know what I do for them. You have no right—”

“And you had no right to question me—”

“You’re a paranoid bastard.” A tear eased down her cheek and she furiously wiped it away. “You’re so fucking paranoid because you turned on your own people. Your actions allowed the Empire to rise and the Republic to crumble. And now you expect any and everyone to turn on you because you were the traitor first.”

She was done with this argument. She was so fucking done with him.

“Ridicule the network; ridicule me. I don’t care. But you’re not the selfless hero you believe you are.” Stalking toward the staircase, Kazi threw him a final glare over her shoulder. “If you don’t trust my work—or me—then you can leave.”

A/N: Next chapter release – February 8th

This is where the fun begins.

Masterlist | Chapter 4 | Chapter 6

Tag: @ulchabhangorm

[in-silks-and-flesh-and-leather]

And what a day I picked to check in! Are you really doing an Underworld AU? Those are some of my favorite movies! I think I love the first the most, then Rise of the Lycan’s with that great medieval setting, and then I was surprised by how much I liked Blood Wars too! God Silky, you would destroy an Underworld AU! It’s dark and sexy and perfect for your touch! You could do much better than the movies! Plus I’ve never seen another one and it’s unique! I hope you’re encouraged to write it!

Gaaah, that's so exciting!! 😍😍

I also love the first one the most, it really grabbed me when I saw it as a kid (and gave me this unquenchable thirst for impossible/forbidden romances 🥴) and the third one so good! I love a good origin story/prequel and that one, I think, did a great job of expanding the lore. I saw Blood Wars one time, at the cinema, I think I should give it a rewatch since I truly don't remember it.

But I'm so glad you think that AU could work and I could do it; I definitely like all the dark themes, the sensuality, the gore... There is a lot of fractured fairytale there and Clive Barker-ish twisted carnality that is a lot of fun to play with - I know we both love that 💕💕

Thank you so much for sending in this ask and getting me all stoked about it, I'm so happy when people are on board with an idea 😍😍

[mageofseven]

Hi there! Congratulations on the 100 followers!! I'm really happy for you! If you don't mind, I would like to submit a request ^_^ Could you do the brothers reacting to an MC who is really sympathetic towards them? Like the brothers could tell a sad story or just look down one day and MC starts tearing up and goes over to hug them while spouting words of reassurance to them. Thank you :3

Aww this sounds really cute! Of course I'll do it!

Also, thanks 🥰 I'm so happy happy that this blog has hit such a milestone and I'm really grateful to all of you guys~

Spoiler warnings: Year One spoilers in Lucifer, Beel, Belphie, and Satan's sections, Chapter 32 spoiler in Asmo's section

~

Lucifer:

Really isn't the type to open or talk about any issues he has so it'd take a very long time for MC to get such a moment with him.

When the moment does come, I'd imagine the sad story involving the day he lost Lilith. Maybe one day he's feeling oddly sentimental and wants to tell MC in detail about the day that eventually led to their existence?

His eyes went wide when he realized they were crying thought.

"You..." They sniffled. "You really gave everything you could for your sister till the very end."

When they they flew their arms around him, the demon could only sigh and pat their back.

"I did not tell you that story so you could pity me."

"B-But... you're always giving your all; not just for Lilith then, but for your brothers too. You bear so much responsibility and work so hard... you have so much on your shoulders that no one ever even acknowledges."

"I don't need it to be acknowledged; I just need my brothers to be safe and taken care of." He tried to pull back to look at them, but they tightened their hold on him.

The man sighed and squeezed back, realizing that his words won't really sway them.

It was strange... having someone care about his wellbeing and acknowledge his hardwork. It had been a long time since anyone had done so.

The man just felt odd, a bit uncomfortable, but... appreciated it nonetheless.

Mammon:

Honestly, it was probably after the millionth time his brothers ganged up on him for no reason.

MC had snapped, finally having enough of it all and screamed at them to just stop, to just for once leave Mammon alone.

The second born rushed to their side.

"Oi! It's no big deal--"

Gaaah! He couldn't handle their tears with all of his brothers watching!

He quickly dragged MC to his room. When the door clicked shut, he pulled them into a hug.

"Whaddya doing this for, Human? I'm fine..."

"But they're ALWAYS giving you shit, even for things that aren't your fault... and I hate it."

The tense demon was struggling to figure out just what to say to calm them down.

"Yeah, yeah, I know... but it's better this way, believe me."

"Better than what?" The human pulled away to look up at him.

Oh devil... they'd probably just cry more if he explained, but he honestly felt cornered by the sobbing human.

"I... look, it's just better if they say shit to me instead of to each other, got that?"

Just like he thought, MC's tears started spilling quicker. Panicking, he led them to the couch and pulled them in for a tighter hug.

"You don't need to go crying for me..." He mumbled. "I mean, it's the nothing The Great Mammon can't handle."

He struggled to tell them so, but it meant a lot that they cared about him. The man couldn't say he could think of a single other person who'd shed tears for him.

Honestly made him wanna shield them from those moments for now on though. Whenever his brothers start talking shit, he tried talking over them and finding a reason for MC to leave the room.

He's glad they care about him, but he never wants to see them cry again if he can help it.

Leviathan:

In contrast to Mammon's situation, what probably broke MC with Levi was his own negative talk about himself.

He rushed to his Henry's room to when he had gotten his new game shipped from Akuzon

But when the human turned down his offer to play with him, the Avatar of Envy deflated, muttering about how they probably have a million things they'd rather do than spend time with dirty no-good otaku--

!!!!

They. Were. Touching him!!!

"Please... don't talk about yourself like that anymore." They teared up as they hugged their friend.

The third brother's brain was just short circuiting. He was getting... affection???

Eww, gross... keep doing it

...is what he'd be thinking if they weren't crying!!

"Please... just remember that I know you're better than the things you say about yourself." They told him. "I know you're a kindhearted, smart, and passionate person and I really want you to see that too."

The human got him tearing up too.

"O-okay..." He mumbled.

Satan:

For this brother, the moment would have taken place when Satan told MC how he was born and how he felt that he had to gain knowledge so he could feel worthy of being respected and didn't want to be dismissed as a person just because of how he was born.

It was towards the end of his story when he noticed MC start to cry.

Before he could ask, however, the human launched themselves at the blonde.

"You don't have to do that..." They buried their face in his shoulder. "You have nothing to prove to anyone."

Satan raised an eyebrow at this. He wasn't quite sure what to say. It has been a lot time since anyone tried to comfort him or hug him.

The last hug he recieved was probably from Beel or Asmo when he was a child.

"Satan?"

The man sighed and wrapped his arms around them as well.

"I'm honestly not sure how to respond to that... thank you though."

The fourth brother just felt odd at the human's comfort; it simply wasn't something he was used to nor did he really know how he was expected to react to their care

But... he also had no intention of rejecting it.

Asmodeus:

For Asmo, it was around the time of the Bloody Moon event, the day of voting to be exact.

Asmo was nervous about the contest and was worried about losing to Lucifer.

After watching the demon snap at Luke when the poor boy just wanted to help him, MC pulled the fifth brother aside and gave him a hug.

"It's okay." They told the demon. "I know you're gonna win because you worked so hard for it. Even if you don't though, I'm still right here for you. Always."

The demon teared up a bit and squeezed the human back.

"Awww, Doll!"

The man really appreciated all the support MC had given him throughout this period

And the fact that she cared enough to comfort him while he was at the lowest made him feel so touched.

This is why they're his favorite person; they're always there when he needs them.

Beelzebub:

It was when Beel told them about the day he thought his sister died.

An archer on his Father's side of war was ready to shoot and Beel had to choose whether to protect Lilith or Belphie

Causing his sister to be shot in her wing and fall from the Celestial realm.

When hearing about the guilt he felt from not being able to protect his sister, tears spilled down MC's cheeks

And Beel pulled her in for a hug.

Of course Beel would make this into something he had to comfort them about.

"Hey. It's fine." He rubbed their back.

"No, it's not." The human sniffled. "You've carried this guilt for so much long than I've even been alive... but you shouldn't. It wasn't your fault."

"MC--"

"No." They pulled back to look up at the big demon. "You didn't shoot the arrow nor did you start the war. It was never your fault and... I don't think your sister would be happy if she knew that you blamed yourself for it."

It'll take a lot more to erase hundreds of years of guilt but...

He was really glad that he could talk to them about this.

Most of his brothers weren't good with emotional talks nor could they handle talking about Lilith.

To have someone he could turn to with this topic... it meant everything to him.

He hugged the human close for a while and thanked them for this talk.

Belphegor:

Belphie apologized for... ya know... the Incident™️

MC had learned along the way that he essentially did all of it because he never really healed from his sister's death

And he wanted so desperately for someone to blame.

While Beel blamed himself for Lilith being shot, Belphie blamed himself for her life being put in danger to begin with.

It was his own interest with humans that got her involved with them

But he couldn't handle the weight of those thoughts so he put so much energy into redirecting his self-hatred at humans.

Finding out his sister lived a happy life with the human man she loved after he thought she died, finding out that MC descended from his sister... it was enough for the weight of his actions to truly hit him.

That's why he apologized to MC

And why MC understood it all too well.

The human hugged him close.

"I'm sorry you suffered for so long..." They said softly. "I won't hold any of it against you; I just want you to heal and be happy."

The seventh brother froze. After everything he did to them, they could still say something so kind to them?

...they really did come from his sister.

The demon knew they were different people and he didn't confuse them for Lilith

But he still felt they inherited his sister's kind heart.

Not that he said any of this aloud, of course

But having MC with him, who not only tried to understand him, but even held him close to comfort him from the long standing pain in his heart...

He was just grateful for them.

[wellsjahasghost]

I'm already on my third re-read of How You Save A Kingdom, and I've cried every time so far. I think I've said this before (if I haven't, I meant to) but your writing is truly wonderful. HYSA was the first fic I ever read and, boy, did it set the bar high. Thank you so much for taking the time to write these incredible stories, Jade! You're awesome and deserve the world! 😄

GAAAH YOU ARE SO SWEET, i can’t believe you’re already reading for the THIRD TIME ??? /i/ didnt even read that pos three times aksdhfalks

i’m touched that i was your introduction to fic. and happy that i didn’t disappoint. thank you so much for your kindness and support, i hope you know it means so much to me!

[alltheselights]

Emma I love it! I've only just started and I'm already snatched BALD by your fic! Please consider writing professionally!!!

THANK YOU!!! I hope you enjoy the rest!!

Anonymous said: Omgomgomgomg I’m so happy you finally posted your writing is fantastic!!!!!! Thank you for dedicating your time to the fanfics you’ve written we can see how truly talented you are 💖💖💖

Awww thank you so much, bub!!!

Anonymous said: im already on chapter 4 and i love it so much oh my god plus i love em lil details you’ve got me squealing fonding laughing rolling my eyes gaaah onto reading the rest thanks for blessing us xxxx

I’m so happy to hear this!!! Please let me know what you think of the rest.

Anonymous said: Wouldn't be an Emma fic without emphasising how smol Louis is 10 paragraphs in 😂❤️ I'm already having so much fun reading it, thank you for writing and publishing it!

Hahaha thank you so much!!