#I'm terribly shy.
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Just want to share a beloved local tradition we’re celebrating today called L’Escalade. In Geneva we commemorate the darkest night of winter in 1602 when the Savoyards came with their ladders to lay siege to the city. The Genevans rallied and succeeded in beating back the invaders, in part thanks to the valiant effort of one Mère Royaume, who poured a cauldron of scalding soup on the Savoyards’ heads.
We celebrate with races and a torchlight parade (please excuse my crappy photos)
Kids dress up in costumes and knock on neighborhood doors to sing Escalade songs, to commemorate the Genevans rising in their pajamas to go wake each other up and join in the defense of the city.
And this is my favorite part, the chocolate cauldron which we smash as we recite “thus perish the enemies of the republic”. The veggies are marzipan 🥰
#dicton dujour#not tagging this because i'm too shy for it to break containment and the photos really are terrible#just sending chocolate & hugs to my mooties
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All the prettiest bitches are aspec
#I wrote this when I was feeling uncharacteristically confident and now its pride so here we are#I wore a pronoun pin today which isn't a lot but for someone as terribly identity shy as me it was a huge step#I've got a long way to go with my confidence but I think I'm on the right track#happy pride motherfuckers#asexual#aromantic#acearo#asexual pride#aromantic pride#queer pride
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//me trying to message people first on here like just do it bitch and then I don't do it and instead just sitting here like 🧍♂️
#down by the river || ooc#//I'm doing my best which is in fact terrible lmao#I'm an introvert who needs to be adopted by an extrovert it's how I make friends#or just a less shy introvert XD
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been re-working act 3 of the werewolf au and staci plays a fairly large role in it and he's become syb's baby brother figure since augustine isn't in this one
#and yes he is having a bad time and being tormented by jacob#syb. jacob. eli. and staci all get pov sections in act 3.#which i realize is a lot to introduce/juggle but i need all of them to tell the complete story#but also like. act 1 was just shy of 30k#act 2 will be just as long (if not longer)#and act 3 will probs be the longest#so i'm not terribly worried about it#whining wombat#anyway. here's to hoping i can publish fic again this year lmao
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Fourtheenth Day of Gift-Giving: Fun Adventures
Prompt: A group project in school brings some unusual friends together
Yes, it's a high school AU, somewhat inspired by / based off this fic idea I had a while ago! I've never written a high scool AU before so pls be nice, also I've taken some liberties with the prompt again, because there's no group project per se, they're simply in the same chemistry class 😌
Banner made by @kraeuterhexchen again, thanks for suffering for me a bit I love youuuu <3
~
Aleksi muffled his third yawn in a row on his palms. Every single week at this exact time he regretted his promise to his father that he’d take at least four optional courses this school year on top of all the compulsory ones in exchange for a language course in Amsterdam next June. The tragedy was that his schedule was already so full with the compulsory courses alone that he could barely find gaps to fill with anything else at more humane times than at eight o’clock on a Monday morning, which was when his additional chemistry class was held. It didn’t help that none of his friends or acquaintances were taking the same class; Aleksi envied them for their superior life choices.
Chemistry could be alright at best, but in general it wasn’t among his favourite subjects. Rather than reaction equations, Aleksi was much more fascinated by the only other guy in the group he knew by name, who, by the happy coincidence of the two of them both being late to class on the first day, ended up being his lab partner. He didn’t know Olli because they were buddies, quite the contrary, in fact; one of Olli’s friends was still bitter about Aleksi standing him up regarding a music project (which had been but a case of bad communication, of which Aleksi was deeply ashamed, even though in the eyes of his own friends it had been ‘such a big-dick move to put that cocky emo loser back in his place lol’), so Aleksi wasn’t exactly surprised that Olli never replied to his sleepy greeting on Monday mornings. Thinking back to it, Aleksi couldn’t recall the boy saying anything at all during the chemistry classes, so that by now he would’ve started suspecting Olli was mute, if it wasn’t for the times he had seen Olli laugh and joke about with his friends at recess. From the little Aleksi had heard when he had passed by the group in the school corridors, Olli had a soft, quiet voice, often blending under the much louder ones of his friends, which was why Aleksi had set making Olli speak to him as his main ambition for the course, rather than getting a high mark.
“Morning,” he said to Olli like he did every Monday, and like every Monday, Olli barely glanced his way. What made this Monday different from all the other Mondays was that Aleksi could’ve sworn he had seen Olli nod at him this time, sort of in a blink-and-you-miss-it kind of way, although it may as well have been just his tired brain making things up. Nevertheless, it gave Aleksi the spark of hope that had him sit up straight, ready to converse Olli’s ears off in case he finally happened to be in the mood, but before he could open his mouth to ask Olli about his weekend, the teacher started the lesson by shoving hand-outs on their tables.
That day, however, Aleksi was determined to succeed in his plan at long last, even if he had to get a little creative.
While Olli was concentrating on keeping his eyes open as the teacher explained the theory behind the day’s experiments, Aleksi picked up his pencil and wrote on the corner of Olli’s hand-out:
Hi! :)
The anticipation nearly had him tremble as he waited for Olli to react in any way; for the longest time, bordering Aleksi’s patience, Olli did nothing but stare at the letters Aleksi had scribbled. He still didn’t look at him, still didn’t say anything or – god forbid – smile; he just blinked at the single word that had appeared in the corner of his paper.
Then, after a million years in Aleksi’s experience, he grabbed his own pencil.
hi
Those two letters alone made Aleksi feel like a winner already.
How are you?
Still keeping his eyes firmly on the paper, Olli seemed to be pondering his answer for a while.
good
Aleksi wondered if Olli was as terse speaking up as he was in writing.
Great to hear! I’m doing good as well :) Do you have a long day on Mondays?
Exactly like a moment earlier, Olli did nothing but stare at their brief written conversation. Aleksi wanted to believe that Olli was just about to write his answer but was ruthlessly interrupted by the teacher ordering them to walk over and look closer as she’d perform an example experiment for them to later mimic.
They didn’t get a chance to continue their little chat later on in the lesson, and they never spoke during the practical experiments they were asked to do – or rather, Olli never spoke, despite Aleksi’s best efforts to at least have him answer some simple yes-or-no questions, such as ‘do you want to try first?’ or ‘can you pass the pipette?’ or ‘oh fuck, do you think we should tell the teacher?’ when their experiments sometimes failed unexpectedly. The best Aleksi had gotten out of Olli was a suppressed snort when the other day Aleksi had accidentally spilled some red colour additive on his brand-new Off-White t-shirt.
“Quit laughing, or I’ll tell everyone it’s your blood,” he had said in hopes of making Olli properly giggle, but it had seemed to have the opposite effect, for Olli hadn’t let out a single sound for the rest of class after that. Later, Aleksi had wondered if it had been because Olli was scared Aleksi actually might, and to prevent his friends from getting wind of them being lab partners – because clearly he was that opposed to the idea of being associated with Aleksi – he had firmly kept his lips sealed for the rest of the class and all the ones that followed it.
This day, someone must have put something in Olli’s breakfast porridge, however, because when the class was dismissed, Olli spoke in his low, quiet voice, not even directly at Aleksi, but more to his general direction, so that Aleksi knew the words were addressed to him.
“See ya.”
“Yeah, see ya!” Aleksi replied, perhaps a little too eagerly, rolling his eyes in frustration when Olli hurried out of the classroom.
It wasn’t much, but it was a start.
~*~
The next Monday, Aleksi decided to go past formalities and straight to the point to get Olli to interact with him.
Had a nice wknd? :)
Aleksi was most definitely too optimistic for his own good, but he had a feeling Olli didn’t take half as long to answer this time, even though his reply remained brief.
yup
Literally on the edge of his seat, Aleksi waited for Olli to elaborate on his reportedly ‘nice weekend’ – in vain. He rolled his eyes and picked up his pencil again.
What did you get up to?
Olli flipped pencil in his fingers like one would do with a drumstic, clumsily, almost dropping it on his desk. Aleksi saw an attractive blush slowly spread on Olli’s cheeks and hoped it wouldn’t discourage Olli away from the budding conversation.
At last, Aleksi’s patient waiting was rewarded.
went to see a gig
Aleksi clenched his pencil into his fist out of sheer excitement. If there was a topic Aleksi could’ve chatted about for hours on end, it was music, his first and (so far) only love. He knew Olli played in a band and was sure that if he only could somehow make Olli lower his walls for him, they might actually find a lot to whisper about to pass the time a bit more merrily on Monday mornings.
So cool! Who did you see?
Olli didn’t keep him waiting for long, which Aleksi decided to take as a sign of Olli also being keen on their current conversation topic.
If only Aleksi knew how to help Olli get out of his shell a little more.
a friend’s band
Aleksi nodded, careful not to appear too enthusiastic or intrusive to scare Olli off, now that he had gotten him to write more than one word at a time.
Any good?
The teacher was just about to have the class gathered around her table again, so instead of a thorough review of the music show, Olli only jotted down a wonky yup in response before hurrying to the front of the classroom. During the whole rest of the class, Aleksi was not given another chance to fish more out of Olli’s weekend.
Well, he sighed to himself, standing up to join his coursemates, another Monday, then.
~*~
Later that day, sort of by coincidence (of having purposefully lingered around the music classroom on the pretext of asking the music teacher about an upcoming extra credit class), Aleksi learnt Olli’s band had a practice slot in the music classroom on Monday evenings. His plan was not to spy on Olli, but he figured he might as well use this newly-acquired information to squeeze a little more out of Olli in their next chemistry class.
Any plans after school?
Only when he noticed Olli freeze upon seeing the question on the margin of his notebook, Aleksi realised how it must sound like to him, so out of the blue.
Just curious btw :)
Olli seemed to hesitate before answering.
band practice
Aleksi hid his smirk behind his palm.
Hook, line and sinker, he thought to himself, the pencil in his hand itching to write down all the follow-up questions he had prepared. By the end of the class, Aleksi congratulated himself, for his plan to have Olli blabber about their common interest had worked out splendidly: Aleksi had learnt, for example, that Olli had been playing the bass for seven years already and that their band was actually working on their first EP, which Aleksi was genuinely impressed by. What really had made Aleksi feel like he was on top of the world, however, was when he noticed the smallest hint of amusement on Olli’s face; he still hadn’t managed to lure Olli to look him in the eye, but he had made him smile, which was perhaps even better.
The rest of the week Aleksi spent barely paying attention to what his friends were talking or laughing about in between classes, too busy searching for his chemistry class conversation buddy with his eyes. He did so every day, even though he was convinced the principal granting him the rest of the semester off with no consequences was more likely than catching Olli looking at him.
That was, until he did.
It was only a fleeting moment in time as they passed each other in the canteen and over before Aleksi’s heart could settle back to its place from his throat where it had jumped up to. He couldn’t tell since when his lab partner looking his way had started rousing this kind of reaction in him; then again, Olli had never really glanced his way before, so how could he have known?
Maybe that was also why Aleksi hadn’t noticed the shade of Olli’s irises until now. They were dark grey, he could tell, serious but not cold by any means. He couldn’t wait to take a closer look at them the next time he was given the chance.
Perhaps it was time for Aleksi to change his tactics.
~*~
“Hi Olli,” Aleksi said as soon as Olli walked up to his desk the next Monday. As if surprised to hear his name spoken out loud, Olli looked up at him, and Aleksi was granted another glimpse of those mysterious eyes.
Olli didn’t let him rejoice for too long, though, before turning his gaze to his desk as he sat down.
“Hi.”
And that was it: their first spoken conversation (in which Olli had also participated), despite Olli avoiding his gaze for the rest of the class, as was his right. Aleksi supposed. Even Aleksi himself was too giddy about the interaction to think of anything else to say.
It was almost ridiculous, if he was honest with himself. Yet, for the first time during the whole autumn semester, Aleksi was looking forward to the early Monday morning chemistry class.
~*~
Within the next couple of weeks, their conversations evolved from exchanging casual greetings (‘Hi Olli!’ ‘Hi…Aleksi’) to deep discussions about the current events in their lives (‘How’s it going?’ ‘Good.’ ‘Awesome’), which was equal parts exciting and frustrating to Aleksi. His heart would do the silly bouncing-up-to-his-throat thing whenever Olli blessed him with a quick glance of his dark eyes (Aleksi could swear they were a different shade every time he looked), but the moments only ever lasted for a second or two at a time. On the bright side, Olli would no longer rush out of the classroom to get out of having to perform any more small talk, but instead took his time putting his books and pencils back in his bag carefully, even if Aleksi never managed to open his mouth in time before Olli would make his inevitable escape. Aleksi suspected that it was, indeed, the newfound thrill of being graced with the occasional, fleeting look from Olli that rendered him speechless and caused him to miss his chance of getting to talk with Olli at least until they’d reach the classroom doorway. From there onwards they’d go their separate ways anyway, to their different worlds: Aleksi to one in which Olli was a moody emo kid with no sense of humour (or so Aleksi had been told by Isac who went to the same biology class with Olli), and Olli to one in which Aleksi was probably portrayed as a self-satisfied snob who once did his friend dirty.
The Monday after that, Olli never walked in through the classroom door, no matter how intensely Aleksi stared at it. When the days passed and Aleksi hadn’t caught a glimpse of the boy by Friday, he became worried, to the extent he considered walking up to Olli’s friend group to ask about him. He was almost certain that the one with the short platinum-blond hair might have actually told him, or at least he looked the least intimidating out of them all. One of them was almost two heads taller than Aleksi, so he saw it best to stay out of his way, although his smile – in those rare occasions he did smile – was anything but frightening. The one with the baggy clothes Aleksi had once heard rapping at a house party was tiny in comparison, but something about the angle of his eyebrows gave Aleksi the chills. Joel was obviously out of the question; Aleksi would probably never dare speak to him after The Incident. Joonas, on the other hand (Aleksi knew his name because he and Joel often squabbled loudly, with Joel shouting his name in bewilderment, his obvious affection for the boy poorly masked as annoyance), seemed like the kind of guy who would whisper you the right answer just in time before the teacher’s drill of a stare would bore a hole through your skull.
Taking a deep breath to brace himself, he watched as Olli’s friends were stepping in the Swedish classroom. As if on cue, Joonas was the last one about to walk through the door, and seeing his chance had come, Aleksi zoomed over and grabbed him by his sleeve.
“Hey,” he said once he had pulled Joonas aside, hidden from the disapproving looks of Joel and company.
“Huh?”
“Do you happen to know where Olli is?” Going straight to the point seemed like the best strategy to get anything out of Joonas, in case Aleksi had completely misjudged him and he was about to be punched in the face.
“He’s caught the cold. Why?” Knitting his brows and eyeing Aleksi up and down, Joonas seemed sceptical about Aleksi’s intentions, to say the least.
(It had Aleksi wondering if any of his own friends would act as protectively about him, but that was a matter of concern for another day entirely.)
“Ummmm… I have his chemistry homework for him.”
Aleksi could almost hear the cogwheels turning inside Joonas’ head until his expression brightened.
“Aaah… Right! Yeah, I suppose you would.” (Whatever Joonas meant by that.) “I’m gonna go over later today to see how he’s doing, so I can forward the message for you.”
“Oh, great! Thanks!” Aleksi said, as if he had any clue what they had actually been given as homework four days ago.
Ironically, Aleksi was saved by Joel calling for Joonas from inside the classroom.
“I’ll catch up with you later, alright?” Joonas winked at him, and then he was gone.
Joonas never did catch up with him, however, and so Aleksi was saved from the embarrassment of admitting he hadn’t been following their chemistry lesson after all, more or less due to the disappointment of not seeing Olli after having spent the entire weekend planning what he’d say to him. Not knowing if Olli would be attending the upcoming Monday’s class either, the weekend went by slower than ever, which normal-Aleksi would’ve embraced; this new, strange, maybe-crushing-on-his-quiet-lab-partner-Aleksi was on pins and needles.
~*~
There it was again, that awful skip of his heart, when Aleksi saw Olli enter the classroom on Monday. So relieved he was that he had no means to tone down the excitement in his greeting.
“You’re here!”
Olli looked up at him but said nothing, his silence a pang to Aleksi’s chest. His joy upon their reunion changed into defeat in less than a second, and Aleksi felt like a right idiot for having thought Olli, too, might have been waiting to see him again.
Suddenly fascinated by the cover of his chemistry course book, Aleksi put his head down to hide his disappointment. He was already settled for staring at the abstract drawing for the next 75 minutes to avoid more heartbreak, but then a slip of paper appeared in front of him.
can’t speak doctor’s orders
On his face, Olli was wearing a kind, small smile. In that instant, Aleksi forgot what he had even been so saddened about. He flashed Olli a smile in return and started searching with his eyes for a pencil; he would’ve felt too weird talking to Olli out loud without him being able to answer. Tragically, it seemed that in anticipation of possibly seeing Olli again after so long, Aleksi had forgotten to pack his pencil case. Noticing this, Olli offered him his own, the same, tiny smile still on his lips.
Shame! You’re usually so talkative
He knew he was taking a risk poking fun at Olli’s quietness, but to his great relief, Olli’s smile widened and his shoulders twitched in a voiceless chuckle. Encouraged by this, Aleksi continued with an equally risky revelation.
I missed you in class last week
Having written down the words, Aleksi could barely look at Olli as he felt his cheeks heaten up. He let Olli take back his pencil from his fingers, as well as the paper slip from his desk.
Olli spent almost a minute writing down his reply, erasing and rewriting, until he finally passed the paper back to Aleksi, immediately directing his face to the opposite side of the classroom.
missed you too
Aleksi had never seen three words so pretty in his life.
~*~
What followed next was an entire week of unexpected encounters between the two lab partners, as if the universe was purposefully making them cross each other’s way to make up for the past seven days of not seeing each other. On Tuesday, their shoulders brushed walking past each other in a crowded corridor. On Wednesday, they were returning their trays at lunch at the exact same time and exchanged brief smiles. On Thursday, they almost ran into each other at the restroom door, which is when Aleksi learnt Olli had regained his voice, mumbling a small ‘oops’ after having bumped into Aleksi.
On Friday, at the last recess of the day, Olli’s friend Joonas grabbed Aleksi by his wrist and pulled him into an empty classroom.
“Wait here,” he ordered, and utterly confused as he was, Aleksi had no choice but to obey.
A moment later Joonas returned, pushing a red-cheeked Olli into the room before promptly leaping back to the corridor, closing the door behind him.
For one long, anxious moment, neither of them said anything, Aleksi because he was still too baffled by the latest turn of events to open his mouth, and Olli because he was… Olli.
“Ummmm…” Olli finally said, his voice a little hoarse, so he cleared his throat and tried again. “I just… ummm… there’s this… band… tomorrow…”
Aleksi had to bite his lip, both at how adorable Olli was, fumbling with his fingers as words fell out of his mouth one by one, as well as to keep himself from blurting out ‘yes’ before Olli even got around to asking him anything.
“And I was just… thinking if… ‘cuz I have an extra ticket… so… I thought maybe you–”
“Yeah!” To Aleksi’s turmoil, his tongue could sometimes be quicker than his brain. “I mean… what?”
Behind the classroom door, someone clicked their tongue.
“Yeah, ummmm.” Olli scratched the back of his neck. “So yeah. Would you… like to come? To the show? On Saturday? With me? Maybe? I mean, of course you already have plans–”
“I don’t!” Aleksi hurried to say. “I can come. But… will your friends be coming too though?”
Olli shook his head. Aleksi decided not to dwell on what the evident horror in Olli’s eyes was a sign of. It might have been because he, too, thought it was a little too soon for Aleksi and Joel to make amends – or maybe he was just that terrified of being seen with Aleksi in public.
“No, they won’t. I mean, Joonas was supposed to, but he, ummmmmm, he’s going… ummmm…” Olli’s gaze wandered towards the door, as if for help.
“To my great-uncle’s funeral!” the door whispered at him.
“To his great-uncle’s funeral,” Olli confirmed.
“A-ha,” Aleksi nodded. “Sorry for your loss,” he said to the door.
“...Thanks,” the door replied. Holding back his laughter, Aleksi turned back to Olli who, for the first time since Joonas had urged them on the stage of their current scene, was looking at Aleksi, his round eyes expectant and hopeful for Aleksi’s final answer. Aleksi thought of taking a step closer to him, perhaps even gently touching his hand, but decided against it before his brain would command his limbs to make such reckless movements.
“Guess I’ll see you on Saturday at…?”
“At six. At Sandro’s.”
If Aleksi didn’t get a wink of sleep the following night, it wasn’t only because of excitement; the moment he laid his head on his pillow and closed his eyes, his mind was filled with pictures of a boy with twinkling eyes and a bashful smile, keeping him awake until he fell asleep to them.
~*~
Aleksi couldn’t bring himself to care if he looked a little dumb, smiling to himself and leaning his chin on his palm at eight o’clock the next Monday. Even the teacher announcing a pop quiz could not have washed away the dopey grin that had been painted on his lips since Saturday evening.
He was smiling at the way Olli’s eyes had brightened when he had spotted Aleksi in the crowd. He was smiling at Olli’s shy offer to get him a Pepsi. He was smiling at how star-struck Olli had looked when the band had first got on stage and the way he had lost himself in the music, rocking his head and closing his eyes as if to let the bass lines and guitar riffs swallow him whole. The band had been excellent, Aleksi had to agree, but more than half the time, all Aleksi had seen or heard was Olli.
And for the last three minutes of the show, all Aleksi had felt was Olli; more specifically, he had felt Olli’s hand searching for his, fumbling and hesitating until it finally clasped Aleksi’s during the final song of the band’s setlist, a melancholy rock ballad that prompted lighters and cellphone flashlights to be lit. In Aleksi’s eyes, they were all dim in comparison to the glimmer in Olli’s eyes.
Lying in his bedroom later that evening and throughout the entire next day, Aleksi had still felt the warmth of Olli’s hand in his, even though they had let each other go as soon as the stage lights had been turned off.
“Hi.” Olli’s voice brought Aleksi from Saturday evening back to Monday morning.
“Hi,” he simply answered. There were a million things he wanted to say to Olli, but his sleepy, happy brain was still working on finding the exact words.
The smile on Olli’s face told him he’d have time to figure it out, at his own pace.
In the meantime, Aleksi could always improvise, and so he picked up his pencil.
♡
They both stared at the tiny heart on the corner of Olli’s notebook, and just when Aleksi was about to convince himself he had made a terrible mistake, Olli took the pencil out of his hand.
♡ ♡
#blind channel fanfiction#blind channel rpf#24 days of gift-giving by theflyingfeeling#ollixallu#an alternative universe in which aleksi went to high school lol#i mean correct me if i'm wrong but didn't he go to amsterdam right after junior high?#not sure how long he was there but somehow i'm under the assumption he never went to finnish high school? 🤔#which is cool i mean neither did i lol#which is why i also know shit-all about high school chemistry classes 😂 hence i tried to not include that stuff too much#i guess it could've been any class but i needed them to sit together every week#so chemistry lab partners it is ig#btw pls don't ask me what the deal with aleksi and joel is lol i couldn't be bothered to think that much in detail 🙈#just assume it wasn't anything completely terrible and that aleksi didn't do it to be a douche and joel eventually forgave him 😇#also: i promised ju i'd make our shy schoolgirl olli uwu at least in the tags so here ya go#shy schoolgirl olli: uwu <3#also also: in a perfect world i would've made this even longer and more slow-burn#but alas for the purposes of the advent calendar i had to lower my standards a bit 🤧
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sorry I'm so late!! but thank you @nyehilismwriting for the tag <333
Find the tag word game
metal (stealing something from one of my other projects because all the metal bits were in last month's update :))
You become aware of yourself, the tightly enclosed space that you are in—an oppressive metallic chamber, its walls cold and unforgiving. The air is stale, carrying a faint scent of rust. And the fact that you can't move. Your body is frozen, numb, the only sign of life that you exhibit the occasional soft thump of your heart. You try to blink, but your unending stare forwards into the darkness continues, a thin film of… something covering your eyeballs.
hands
You breathe in and out, detached, huffing the fabric held to your face, trying to grasp at some sliver of emotion. But there's nothing—just an empty void within you. You're nothing but a hollow shell, a twisted aberration, foul and unnatural. An unholy abomination, a thing, pretending to be something you're not. Your hands tremble, and you force out a breath, haltingly, focusing on the sensation of your damp clothes and aching muscles to anchor you to the world around you.
cold
There's no time for a thorough wash—you'll have to settle for cleaning off the most egregious bits of blood and filth, flesh turning numb from the cold as you scrub, skin stinging. Your reflection in the water shimmers and wavers as you plunge your hands in, again and again, until Shea hands you a bit of coarse cloth to dry off with.
stare
Elexis flicks ${lex_their} gaze to you, ${lex_their} eyes nearly luminous in the darkness. There's an unsettling quality to ${lex_their} stare, something that makes your skin crawl, urging you to put some distance between the two of you. Yet, you don't.
#tag game#not tagging anyone because I'm shy but ty 👉👈#saved this to my drafts and had a terrible time trying to find it again with the new desktop layout lol
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Uncomfortable infection.
#I feel disgusting...#I really hate this.#I don't know how to describe how I feel but that I run out of the ''it is what it is'' mentality.#I am bothered that COVID has crippled my immune system.#I get opportunistic infections from my own body.#I just want it to stop. I don't like this.#Mentally I feel very 'reduced'.#Very mired in sadness that I can't even properly identify as sadness.#Slumping over and not moving is helping. I'm just staying still and experiencing it like a bystander.#I feel like I am just waiting something out. What else to do.#If it gets worse I will ask after antibiotics.#The muscles in my face hurt and I keep closing my eyes without meaning to.#Slept in a terrible amount today.#I don't know what coheres here.#Simply put... Wolfgang tired and hurting and insecure or shy.#Get the sense to apologise for complaining speech.#I am caught by the fear of being irritating.
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me trying to stroll thru the ted nivison tag on tumblr for some sick art X READER, IMAGINE, OTHER THINGS I CAN'T REMEMBER THE NAME OF EVEN THO IT'S QUITE LITERATLY RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME XDD
#No shade btw I get it#look. I was on mcyt wattpad as a small small SMALL child and I mean FUCKING TINY#and I get it!#Where are the fanartist tho I want art grrrrr#do I have to do everything myself#anyways guys can u tell that maybe i've found myself in a new yt fixation.... erm#like 4 chuckle sandwich podcasts and a barbie movie review and i'm in the trenches#seriously though i do think that most of it is stemming from my video creation fixation#i blame school coming up#SCHLATTS MONKEY VIDEOW???? Beautiful editing i want to edit like that#don't know the editor off the top of my head sorry#i'm going crazy over video creation honestly and they're my vessels (This is very hyperbole)#snazum talks#I have an idea cooking btw.... maybe I'll share it here when i'm done but otherwise i'm gonna be tight lipped about it :)#if ur a mootie/friend tho feel free to ask me in dms :D I can't help but want to ramble bout it#I may be a little shy though since it's not embarrasing per say but i also don't like talking bout it that much#It's nothing serious it's actually the most not serious thing ever but i feel like a bragging bitch when i talk about it so i don't#but also i want to talk about it. cause the subject matter isn't even what i'm proud about it's the idea of how to present it that is#this is so vague i'm so sorry i started fucking rambling in these tags jesus christ#why am i like this ANYWAYS YEAH BYE#EDIT: okay but tbf back to the original point i didn't think this shit would be main tagged?#I find it usually isn't when it comes to rpf stuff but what do i know#all i know is 2012/2014....#the trenches dude.#u don't want to see my old art it contains so many terrible terrible youtubers#I sure know how to pick em#i think the amount i ramble in tags really really represents my adhdness#i got fucking diagnosed and i'm scared to say that i'm just gonna say my quirkyness
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#Okay so in S5 Chloe and Lucifer really fumble the beginning of their relationship#and then decide the best course of action is to 'stop overthinking it and just be together'#Which could be fine except in practice it meant utterly ignoring all of their problems and pretending they didn't exist#And I thought this was extremely obvious about this plot point???#That it was a terrible idea and not what you're supposed to do in relationships?#Sure personally I cackle over this episode but that's only so I don't scream my frustration at the characters#Well today a Twitter fan uploaded that little 'stop overthinking' clip and was like 🥺 'look how sweet they are. I love them'#and I'm just like ???????????? reaction gif in real life#Bestie all those genuinely sweet Deckerstar clips out there#and you're choosing to squee over the clip demonstrating how they're both idiots (derogatory)?#WHY????#Because they kiss in the scene?????#NEWS FLASH! Not all kisses are shipper kisses! (though they can always be edited to be in fanvids)#'oh they're so shy and adorable' NO!#That's not shyness! That's 'we're shoving away every other feeling we have because we're both tired of being miserable'#Which tbf to Chloe and Lucifer is a whole mood. I get it#But -- AS THEY BLATANTLY AND EXPLICITLY LEARN BY THE END OF THE VERY SAME EPISODE -- misery doesn't like to be shoved away#If you don't address the root cause it WILL come back#Just --- *SCREAMS*#The media comprehension of some people really bugs the shit out of me sometimes. IDEK#😐
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shoutout to my drama teacher's fiancé for being the most awesomest man to ever grace this earth
#me bc my drama teacher is so heinous n lowkey terrible sometimes :p#it's ok we ball#he's not a bad person#but he's smth ......#his fiancé is my bestie tho (we never talk)#(i'm too shy to talk to him cz he's so quiet and nice)#(very demure. very mindful)#ceri talks ₊˚ෆ#𝜗𝜚 ceri lore
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I'm actually so excited to meet everyone in the café! Getting out of my shell again kinda feels great
#-ˋˏ ༻sunlit serenade#I'm so terribly shy I'm sorry#but!! I'll know you guys better after a while and have the courage to interact more with everyone 🫶#I guess I just need to learn to let go of my fears 🥹
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After a year full of mass layoffs across probably hundreds of companies, AAA, AA and indie, I'm not really vibing with the game awards this year Geoff!!!!
#pursue games if you want to#but remember no matter how well you're treated#anyone can make a terrible decision resulting in the need to chop you off#you are never going to be safe in this industry#but charge forward being prepared to jump ship as soon as you think you smell smoke#shy talks#not art#vent#i guess!!!!!!!!!!#i'm still very upset about my own redundandcy!!!!!!!!!!
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woke up, hopped on tumblr and almost right away i was hearing things abt "where would you go if tumblr shut down this second"... i don't know what's going on yet but i'm in fear
#shrimp thoughts#like. i guess i'm going to go Somewhere Probably but tumblr is my favourite environment#on top of that tumblr is one (1) website. if X people go to website A and Y people go to website B and Z people go to website C#i'm going to like. try following them -- all? some? -- but i'm going to be very unhappy#because tumblr is for everything! for “augh fuck my tea is so good” and 5k serious meta and gifsets and fanart and liveblogging#and the yes-and jokes and the yes-and fandom discussions and even if you can do one or several things on one of the Other Websites#you can't do them all. could i get used to it? probably! i was a twitter main for years. but do i want to? hm. guess#also i'm terribly shy and don't really talk to people unless my brain's good enough for that because i really don't want to annoy people#so all kinds of fandom/group discords are simply not an option for me. even if i just lurk. especially if i just lurk
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oof i know i dont owe anybody art literally ever but not being active or talking to anyone makes me feel bad so i wanna make a lil post. think of it like checking in on me in a personal channel in a friend discord ok? so i do have art im working on but im currently working on ttcc oc animation meme if youve seen wips on my main blog! thats gonna.. take a while to figure out and do so i dont have any posts. i also have some comic sketches planned i cant wait to get to i love thinking abt those :]
#rambles#i have all the time in the world for this stuff but if i can i hang out with friends and i am... horribly slow. and put ONE stress on me#to wait for a week and im gonna be: Dying so it's a bit messy rn!!!#i mostly feel bac bc i haven't been talking to people here as much as i'd like to#i'm terribly shy but i love talking to people and without at least a bit of attention i start exploding haha#with that being said if anyone knows me on discord or anything and u wanna talk feel free to do so!!#or shoot me an ask i never have those like ever#but yeh#a bit wacky to manage art time gamer time and chill with friends time haha#and just... rest time. my body starts killing me if i draw too much
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Another cowboy - Texco! To fill a hole in the group we found XD gotta have a new giant bottom
#dude's MASSIVE think roadbuster#terex rh400 is a MASSIVE excavator. for the record. like 8m/24 ft long and 10m/33ft tall Massive massive#has an operating weight of 2156000 lbs/977955 kg massive#ill rb with his bio later#dont feel like it right now im just uploading the shit i have on twitter to here so i dont forget entirely#he's a huge softie. loves animals and learning new things. he's an artist! he's not shy and he's not underconfident but he is quiet#and he's not like terribly assertive he just wants to do his own thing and have a nice time with nice people#i'm like riffing off my friend's tfp bulkhead meta for his personality a bit#tfp bulkhead works really well as a cowboy guy. he fits the world. so my guy is kinda the same honestly JAFHFHFGG#but shaped different because i like a narrower waist on my robots#texco#oc#transformers
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just a bit of inkpot gods on the ukulele
#the amazing devil#inkpot gods#ukulele#i haven't sung in ages so please forgive the frankly terrible breath control and the completely average singing#i'm just pleased i can mostly play through the entire thing because THIS PICKING PATTERN OH MY GOD#(and i wanted to immortalise that little flourish right after 'silence')#now to just get the singing down#because the rest of singing in this recording is Not Great#(may delete this later if i get too shy about it)
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