#I'm talking because I'm too stressed to produce real content

[poetryandfluffycats]

Hi! Can I request a one shot with an afab!reader riding sub!himeru while praising and being all sweet and comforting because he was stressed? Thank you in advance 💕

A/N: HELLO OKAY never in my life did i think id write this much for himeru of all people but uh, it is what it is i guess?? i went off the rails with plot

Pairing: HiMERU x fem!reader

Content: As Crazy:Bs producer, you have lots of duties that tire you out so when your day off does cone you look forward to taking a much needed nap. The world has unfortunately got other plans for you, however.

Warnings: NSFW, porn with plot, dry humping, oral over clothes(m receiving), riding, kind of sub himeru, minimal amount of biting, messy making out, shared orgasms, mentions of depressive tenancies, rinne + niki have screentime, lots of praise and comfort, ooc himeru(?) he breaks character like once

Words: 5.6k

NSFW oneshot under cut!

Ring, ring, ring. The phone stored safely in your pocket was vibrating, alerting you to the incoming call you were receiving. With a sigh, you stopped in your tracks and pulled out the device to check the caller ID.

A part of you hoped it was a scam caller rather than a member of the unit you produced. Not that you didn't like speaking to the members of Crazy:B, you enjoyed their company more than anything! The reason was that today was your off day and you had hoped to spend it catching up on your missed class work and then sleeping for the rest of the afternoon, not dealing to whatever new problem the boys had encountered.

Luck wasn't on your side today, unfortunately. The caller ID read 'Rinne Amagi', the smirk of the infamous redheaded idol staring you down through his contact photo, as if taunting you to get ready for whatever nonsense was about to spill from his mouth.

Another, much longer, sigh left your throat as you tapped the answer button. Duty calls, you supposed. Surely whatever he wanted couldn't have been too hard for you to handle. "Hello?"

"(name)! My dearest lil' producer, hows ya day off? Doin' alright without me? Missin' my handsome face?" Rinnes voice was as smug and as loud as ever through the speaker, so much so that you found yourself pulling your phone away from your ear so you didn't go completely deaf.

His cheeky tone didn't go unnoticed by you, and you let out a scoff at his sheer childishness. "Fine, yes, and no. Don't butter me up, what do you want?"

"Straight to the point, I like that in a woman!" There was a laugh cut off by a loud cough and 'ahem', Niki most likely, before the man on the other end continued speaking. "Ah, well, ya see. HiMERU didn't show up to practice today, and he ain't answering when we call"

Your eyes rolled so far back into your skull you nearly saw your brain. Of course on the only day you had off in forever would be the day Rinne decided to come and give you an unskipable side quest. And for such a mundane task as well, something he could have easily done himself if he bothered to get off his ass. Seriously, how typical.

"We were hopin' ya could go and get 'im for us? Since ya know, yer the most wonderful producer in the whole world and ya love me so much"

"Sure I do... and why can't you go get him?"

"I got shit to do! Leader stuff, important stuff! Ya wouldn't understand. I'm real hard at work here-ow! Niki! Stop hittin' me dammit! That fuckin' hurt! Whatdaya mean 'don't cuss'? She ain't a baby!"

The line went silent for a few seconds, the only sounds going between the two of you being the muffled groans and slaps of Rinne and Niki fighting like toddlers. You swore you could also hear Kohakus sighs of disappointment from across the practice room.

It was a mintute or two before Rinne came back on the line, breathing heavier than usual and voice more strained. Niki 1, Rinne 0. "Got no time left ta talk! Go find that bastard and bring 'im back here, alright? I'm countin' on ya!"

"Wait, I never said I would-"

"Fuck! Shit! Niki, let go of my phone! No! Don't bite me!"

"(name)? Its Niki! I'll make you dinner if you go and get HiMERU-"

"NIKI!"

Click, line dead.

Your phone screen was now black, Rinnes smirking face replaced by your dumbfounded reflection staring back at you. Typical of you to become involved in Crazy:Bs shenanigans even when you weren't in the same room as them. That nap you had longed so gracelessly for was seemingly drifting further and further from your grasp, all thanks to the laziness of your idols. How wonderful

No use trying to escape your faith now, unless you wanted to endure the wrath of the group when they forgot the routine for the next live due to not practising at all. You did a 180 turn on your heels and began walking back in the direction of the dorms. When people asked what you did on your day off, maybe you could say you exercised?

/----------

"HiMERU? Are you in there? The guys want you at practice"

HiMERUs apartment door stared you down like a lion stalking its pray, mocking you like this was some sort of sick game. "Gonna come in?" It seemed to ask, or maybe that was just some voices in your head, "or are you just gonna stand there like a weirdo?"

You'd really outdone yourself this time. Half an hour later and you had searched half the school for the blue haired man. Before coming to his doorstep you had come to two different conclusions to his absence. Either, he had gained the ability to teleport and was somewhere on the moon, or, he had died and you had lost one of your best idols. The former, unlikely, but knowing the strange man HiMERU was it wasn't entirely impossible. The latter? You sure hoped not.

Despite your wishes of being able to go home and take a well deserved nap, you held your hand in a fist and knocked on the door once more, louder and harder this time. "I swear to God if you don't open this door I will break it down HiMERU! This is ridiculous! I could have been relaxing right now if it wasn't for you!"

As you spoke, there was a shuffling sound from inside the room, accompanied by a few soft thump-thumps of feet against the floor. Finally, the door opened, revealing the man you had been searching for.

"You are giving HiMERU a headache"

HiMERU stood before you in all his glory, dressed in nothing but a pair of sweatpants hanging dangerously low on his hips and a long sleeved shirt that due to the nature of his pants, showed off his mid-drift. Blue hair was a flattened mess atop his head, and you noted that he looked far less formal than usual. You had to mentally slap yourself before you stared for too long. "(name), you are aware you are not a wild animal, correct? HiMERUs door does not require barking to open"

"Practice, now. I don't care if you've got a headache or if you're in a mood, Rinne wants you there now" You ignored his snide remark, crossing your arms over your chest in attempt to look more authoritative. It didn't seem to work all that well, however, as HiMERUs facial expression remained unchanged.

"What if HiMERU had a lady friend over? Or perhaps a gentleman friend? Such loud noise would have disturbed imitate times with a special friend. What if HiMERU had been having some fun with his body?"

The urge to punch the man in front of you was stronger than ever before. Was he really trying to gaslight you into believing that he couldn't practice because he had been having sex? HiMERU of all people? You doubted he even had a dick, let alone someone to get it wet. Anyone else, sure, you could believe that. Not HiMERU, no matter how good looking the media made him out to be he was still a whackjob. Whackjobs didn't have sex.

"Were you?"

"No. HiMERU was reading a nice book and drinking some lovely herbal tea, he was simply making a point that you should be more considerate of others"

"I don't care-"

"You don't care about HiMERU? How crude, is this how CosPro treats its idols now? HiMERU will not be attending practice, he has other duty's to attend too"

The audacity of this man. Here you were, trying to be as nice as possible, just trying to get him to do his job, and he can't even do that! How much of an ego could one man have? Sure, you weren't perfect yourself, but at least you did what was expected of you, like right now even when you weren't meant to be working!

You could feel a vein pulsating in your forehead, your patience wearing thinner and thinner by the second. If you had to stand here for any long, you swore you would explode in several tiny pieces. You had to keep your composer if you wanted to keep your job, however, so you chose to remain silent instead of ripping him a new one. You narrowed your eyes at him, shooting lazer beams through his body with your pupils, praying to whatever God was out there that it would scare him into listening to you.

HiMERU seemed to get the memo, finally, his lips forming into a massive pout that nearly hit the floor, a bad look on the usually stoic idol you noted. "As you wish, producer. Please, come inside and wait whilst HiMERU gets ready" He moved out of the way of the door, outstretching his arm in invitation for you to come inside.

You took the invitation, kicking your shoes off and bowing your head slightly as you walked inside. You had never been inside HiMERUs apartment before, besides on the off occasion when you dropped him off. Considering who HiMERU was, a prim and proper diva who seemed to think he was far better than you, you fully expected for his apartment to match his personality. Clean, neat, not a speck of dirt on the ground. Maybe a few plants here and there, real plants that were watered everyday and cared for to the full extent.

As you soon came to realise, you had been wrong. Dead wrong.

"Holy shit..."

HiMERUs apartment was the polar opposite of what you thought it would be. The lights were off, curtains pulled shut, and a musky smell of tea bags long gone cold lingered in the air. A messily made futon laid out in the middle of the floor, blankets and pillows thrown atop it like it was a fort for children rather than a grown mans bed. Finishing touches to the pigsty of a room were the dirty clothes scattered across the floor-some of which resembling his idol uniform, but you couldn't quite tell through the mess-and a book opened in the middle of the floor.

"HiMERU would prefer if you kept your opinions to yourself" His monotone voice hissed from behind you, a sigh evident in his words. "Take a seat anywhere you'd like, be careful not to trip on anything"

How could he be so relaxed? You'd been in many idols rooms before, seen many of them doing things you hadn't expected before, some of which made you want to bleach your eyes out thinking back at them. But none of them had ever been this messy, you didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or just stand there in shock.

"I... huh? Is it always like this?" You squeaked out, eyes trained on HiMERU as he walked past you and into the kitchen, picking up a mug from the counter and taking a long sip.

"No, not usually" He admitted, leaning down with his elbows against the countertop and staring at you with that unreadable expression of his. Dead cold blue eyes trailed up and down your figure, and you almost felt as if he were dissecting your soul. "Does it bother you? Are you offended? Does mess make you upset? Are you going to cry?"

"What? No!" You shook your head. "I'm just surprised is all"

"A crying woman in HiMERUs home, that would be a sight to behold, wouldn't it? Please, sit down, HiMERU will be ready in a moment"

You were at a complete loss for words. The longer you spent with HiMERU the more he confused you, like a never ending puzzle that only got harder the more you tired to solve it, or a board game where every round new rules that contradicted the old rules were added. Was there even a word to describe such a man? A person whose identity was so clouded and muddled it was impossible to grasp them?

Trying to guess what HiMERU was thinking about at any given time made you want to jump off a cliff, live, and then jump off another cliff for good measure. You were going to get Rinne back for this, he owed you big.

Taking a seat on the floor next to his futon, you crossed your legs over one another and watched as the blue haired man pottered around his dorm. He seemed to be moving in a daze, similar to a zombie or a sleepwalker. He would take a sip of tea for a moment, then stop to put away a dish, then drink some more tea, then inspect one of the plants on the counter, then back to his tea, repeat until you found yourself even further in bewilderment.

"You're weird" You commented, resting your chin on your knees and bouncing your heels up and down. "Why are you acting like this?"

"Like what, (name)?" HiMERU raised an eyebrow, finishing off his tea and placing his mug in thesink, now moving to rummage through a pile of clothes.

"I don't know, like... drugged or something? Like a dead man walking? Stranger than usual I guess" Your eyes darted from him to the book laying on the ground. It was a normal looking book, white cover with some black writing on it, thick but still slim enough to be a causal read. "Do you like reading?"

A small laugh came from HiMERUs lips at the question. "That book is not very good. The information inside is not factual and rather silly, things about mediation and healing your inner child. An interesting read, but a waste of HiMERUS time. He does not believe in those things"

It was your turn to raise your eyebrows now. "Then why buy the book?"

"HiMERU has had a rough week, he wanted to indulge in some self-care. Alas, you and your begging interrupted him"

You had half a mind to snap at him for that comment, but you bit your own tongue before the insults could come pouring out, instead opting to obverse his actions. Having been in the industry for awhile, you were aware of the basic signs of burnout, and HiMERU was the poster child for it

Dark circles under his eyes, sluggish movement, a general state of being out-of-character, the sudden urge to skip training and sleep instead. It wasn't unusual for idols to suffer from fatigue and stress, it came with the job after all, but HiMERU had never been one to let his emotions get in the way of work. For him to be this out of it, it was concerning to say the least.

"Are you okay?"

HiMERU froze mid action, hands hovering over a t-shirt in the pile of clothes, staring at you like you'd just asked for a thousand dollars. "Excuse me?"

"I asked if you were okay, are you?" You stood up from your spot on the floor, brushing the dirt from your pants as you slowly approached him, snatching the book from the ground and reading over the blurb. "I didn't take you as the type to read these types of books, you must be really stressed to pick this up"

"Before you were yelling at HiMERU to go to practice, now you are acting concerned for him? HiMERU said, he has had a tough week, that is all"

"There has to be some way I can help you. Look, you don't have to go if you don't want to, I'll tell Rinne you were feeling ill" You opened up the book, scanning through the pages and reading over some of the content.

The language was a tad confusing, obviously made by someone with a higher knowledge in psychology than you, but it was still readable. "Some of this actually looks helpful, maybe we should try some of it? Like, I could give you a massage, or I could-"

"Turn to page 77, please"

You nodded, turning to the page in question. On top of the page were two separate drawings, one a diagram of a mans body and the other a sketch of a man and a woman in the classic missionary position. You could feel your face growing hot with embarrassment at the images, but continued on reading the page. Underneath the drawings were a few paragraphs of text, some certain words having arrows pointing to different parts of the pictures.

Taking a large gulp, you shut the book and looked back up at HiMERU, pupils wide as plates from what you just read. You noticed that he was closer now, only a few mere inches away from your body. Had be always been this tall, this handsome? You couldn't recall.

"HiMERU? I don't understand, these are pornographic, what are you talking about?-"

"Page 77, healing through sex. It says here that orgasms can be a natural stress reliever, and that regular intercourse is healthy for a persons body and mind" One hand came up to brush your cheek, thumb stroking up and down in a way that made your heart flutter, "You wish for HiMERU to go to practice, yes? Then he expects something in return"

His lips were on yours before you had time to blink. You dropped the book in your hands, it hitting the ground with a loud 'bang!' and laying open on page 77. Wet lips moved against your own, hand the once stroked your cheek now moving downwards to grip your waist, spinning the two of you around to press you against the countertop.

What little emotion HiMERU showed in his face, his kiss made up for. It was filled with desire, passion, lust, all the things that were so silent but still screamed the same three words. 'I want you'.

He pulled away before you had a chance to deepen the kiss, the both of you panting with your lips swollen and glossy with each other's saliva. A lewd sight, sure, but who else was there to see? No one, just the two of you in the dimly lit apartment.

"HiMERU-no, I need you to help me. Please, please help me" His voice was barely a whisper, so quiet you had to strain your ears to hear him. His desperation was all the same, however, and it was enough to make your brain go fuzzy. "I don't like to beg, you know, but you're making me lose it"

If you had have been standing on a tightrope, that would have been what broke the string holding you up. Those damn eyes, once filled like a endless void of indifference now spilling with want and need, the need for you to make him feel good, the need for you to relieve his tension by fucking him. How could you deny him?

"Let's move to the futon, yeah?" You pecked his lips once more, watching as his eyes lit up like a puppies. "We can take it slow, if you'd like"

The smile that overtook HiMERUs face almost made your heart burst wide open. "Yes... thank you, (name)"

You wiggled out of his hold, taking his hand and guiding him slowly to the futon on the floor. He sat down first, scooting backwards until he was sat just below the pillow, stretching his legs outwards to allow you to climb in between his legs and straddle him.

It was a position you never thought you'd find yourself in, and yet here you were, tugging at the hem of HiMERUs shirt and pulling it over his head. The skin underneath was pale and cold to the touch, causing goosebumps to creep up your arms. You ran your fingertips up and down his chest, lingering on the dip of his collarbone and the ridges of his ads. They were only little, like tiny hills on the plains of his over wise flat stomach, but they were sexy all the same.

HiMERU watched you with half-lidded eyes, glazed over and unfocused. His lips stayed parted, a whine leaving his throat each time your fingers traced over his skin. You leaned down to kiss him again, this time wasting no time in plunging your tongue straight inside the wetness of his mouth, sucking on his own tounge and feeling around on the inside of his cheeks.

HiMERUs hips buckled upwards to meet yours, earning a moan from you and a louder whine from him. His sweatpants strained with the growing budge in his crotch, poking against your thigh and leaving a small wet patch on your skin from the pre-cum leaking through. He must have been super desperate.

"(name)~" HiMERU whimpered as you pulled away, a sticky line of spit still connecting the two of you. You licked the excess saliva from your lips whilst a grin spread wide across your face. "Please, (name). HiMERU would you to-ah!-"

His pleas quickly transformed into moans as you rolled your hips against his, savouring in the pleasure of your clothed crotch rubbing on his now fully erect cock, The friction was like heaven, and the fabric of your shorts didn't do much to hide the wetness gushing out from your panties. You'd probably need to buy new ones after this, you thought, but that was a problem for future you.

HiMERUs hands flew up to hold your waist, guiding you backwards and forwards over his budge and rutting his hips in time with yours, the two of you humping like horny dogs in heat. A light pink flush had spread all the way from his cheeks to his ears, down his neck and even to the tips of his shoulder blades, the most sinful look of pleasure on his face as he threw his head back on the pillow.

"Do you like when I do this? You seem to be really enjoying yourself" You cooed, leaning down to suck a lovebite onto the underside of his jaw. "You're pretty, you know? Real pretty, real handsome for me"

The only response you got from HiMERU was another moan, louder and raspier than the others. The sounds made you clench around thin air and your thighs quiver with anticipation. Each time your core met his covered tip you could feel him twitch and throb beneath you, and every time the feeling had your eyes rolling into the back of your head.

Like an awaiting forest fire, the atmosphere was getting hotter by the second, the heat of both your body's pressed together creating a sensation indescribable.It was the most bliss you had ever experienced and you were yet to even be undressed. You were panting, HiMERU was panting, sweat was forming on your forehead and dripping down onto HiMERUS bare chest.

"More, HiMERU wants more" The man below you whined, fingernails digging into the flesh of your hips to leave tiny marks for later. "HiMERU wants you to fuck him, don't make him-augh!-say it again!"

"Fuck.." You breathed, bracing yourself by placing your palms flat against his chest. You lifted your hips up, giving the both of you a short break to catch your breath before you reached downwards to tug at the waistband of his sweatpants. With a tiny bit of a struggle they were off, revealing the dark blue boxers beneath that were nearly bursting from the strain of his erection. He was huge. Certainly bigger than you had seen in porn anyway. "I-, fuck"

Your loss for words assumed HiMERU, who took a deep, shaky exhale before speaking again, that desperate tone still clear as day in his voice. "Are you impressed? Is HiMERU that big?"

"Yeah... it is. I can't wait to have it inside me"

You purred out your words, moving down to rest on his thighs rather than his hips, your face in eye-line with his throbbing budge when you leaned down. The entire front of the fabric was wet with pre-cum, it having spread all over the area due to his impossibly long length. Your lips came into contact with the tip, your tongue swirling around and lapping up the sticky stains.

It pulsated at your touch. HiMERU let out a groan of pleasure as you continued your ministrations, kissing, licking, and sucking him through the thin cotton. One vein that you could feel was particularly sensitive, causing HiMERU to basically jump each time you grazed your teeth over it.

"Wait! No, stop! HiMERU will cum if you keep doing that!" The bluenette suddenly cired out, his legs kicking you in the sides as he tired to pull you off. Of course, you obliged, but not without giving one last farewell lick to his tip. You sat up on his thighs and tilted your head to the side, studying his expressions carefully and awaiting his next words. "HiMERU would like to cum inside. He thinks that would be the best way to get rid of his stress, not finishing in his pants like a pathetic teenage boy"

You nodded, "so you want me to...?"

"Sit on it" You'd never seen HiMERUs puppy dog eyes until now. There was such a longing in them, desires hidden in the ocean of his irises that only you could bring out in the moment. "Ride HiMERU, use him like a chair. HiMERU just wants to feel you"

Denying him would be a criminal felony. Climbing back to straddle his hips once more, you grabbed a hold of his waistband, gently pulling it downwards to finally free his cock from its confinements. Once the fabric was completely removed and his cock had sprung free you tossed the underwear away somewhere in the room to be dealt with later.

To say the least, HiMERU was large. Slender, and long, with balls that were tight and full against his shaft, pent up and waiting to be emptied inside your cunt.

The vein you had been nibbling on was a blue colour that rivalled his hair and ran down and up the underside of his cock, stopping just below his head. Speaking of the head, it was glowing red, dripping with arousal. You were pround of yourself for having caused that kind of reaction, especially when it came from an idol you knew as emotionless and cold hearted. Your own heart pounded inside your ribcage as you began to strip yourself down. You tired to make a show of it, pulling your shirt over your head in slow movements that you prayed to God looked seductive rather than silly.

As if he could read your mind, "You look beautiful" HiMERU barely whispered the words, but they were still heard all the same by you. You thought he might be staring at your breasts, or at the spot between your legs as you removed your shorts and panties, but no. Instead of your body, his blue gaze was solely fixated on your face.

"Thank you, you are too. Beautiful, I mean" A small smile graced your face as you thanked him. With your shorts now gone and your pussy exposed to the air, you lifted your hips once more, slinging your entrance with the very tip of HiMERUS cock. "Are you ready?"

"HiMERU has been called many things before when he has been stressed. Annoying. Selfish. A nuisance. Never beautiful"

You didn't have much time to respond, or even react to his comment before a hand was on your shoulder, pushing you down and impaling you on his cock. It hurt, but not in the way that made you want to scream and cry, but more so in the way that made your walls clench around him, your eyes roll into the back of your head and your toes curl in your socks.

He filled you up to the brim, tip poking against your cervix and each vein and ridge moulding your walls into the prefect fit for him. A raspy whimper left your throat as you adjusted to his size. HiMERU allowed you to take your time despite the twitch of his hips just begging for any sort of friction, instead opting to rub gentle shapes into your shoulders while the both of you huffed and heaved.

"HiMERU is sorry, he couldn't help himself" HiMERUs lust clouded eyes avoided your own, staring at the wall behind you instead. "You won't judge HiMERU if he finishes early, will you?"

You shook your head, grinding down on his pelvis to give him and yourself some of that desperately needed pleasure. "Not at all. You're amazing, so good. You fill me so well, I don't think I'll last long either. And even if we don't, we can always go again"

A faint nod from HiMERU was all you needed before you lifted your hips, placing your hands on his chest to balance yourself as you released him from your velvet walls, leaving only the tiniest amount of the tip in before slamming your hips back down. A loud "plop!" was made as your body smashed against his, the heat from your shared arousals filling your brain with no thoughts other than HiMERU.

HiMERU. HiMERU. HiMERU. HiMERU!

You set a gentle, but fast pace, bouncing your hips up and down in smooth rhythm, sounds of your wet cunt squelching and sloshing mixing in with the groans leaving HiMERUs lips. Him inside you felt like heaven. Hot and sweaty heaven. Your walls dragged along his cock like the prefect fleshlight, sending waves of electrical pleasure down his spine and all the way to the very tips of his toes.

Althought a little bit more stable, you were in a similar state to HiMERU. Each time you slammed back down onto him it felt as if all the nerves in your body were being twisted, pulled, and knotted in a way that had that oh so familiar warmth beginning to pool in your belly.

Praises spilled from your mouth, coating the inside of HiMERUs brain with words of encouragement and affection rather than whatever he had been feeling before. Right now, in this moment, you would have been lying if you said you didn't care for him, and not just in the way you would care for the other idols of Crazy:B.

One particularly hard bounce had you crying out, "HiMERU! H-hey, you know your a good boy right? So good to me, gonna make me cum, huh? You wanna cum too? I wanna see your pretty face when you're filling me up"

HiMERU only grunted in response, but you could tell your words had worked when he started thrusting his hips to meet yours. You could tell he was close, too, his eyes had become so dilated that his irises were only a thin string of blue around his pupils.

You felt bad for his neighbours, no, actually, you felt bad for anyone within 10ft of the building. The walls of the apartment were basically shaking from the sheer noise of you both, and what happened next didn't help that much.

HiMERU gripped your hips, nails digging in hard enough to leave marks, then pulled you flush against him. Chest to chest, skin to skin, you were as close as two people could possibly be as your lips found his in a sloppy open-mouthed kiss. Your teeth clashed together in an ugly way, tongues went anywhere but where they were supposed to and if your younger self could see you now, she'd probably throw up at how your saliva dissolved into each others.

"(name!)"

"HiMERU!"

You weren't sure who came first, or even how long the two of you spent whining and moaning into each others mouths, but you felt HiMERUs seed filling you up, dripping out of you and for sure staining the futon. Your own orgasm washed over you like a wave, a tsunami wave that destroyed cities and uprooted trees, leaving you breathless and trembling atop HiMERU.

It took you a few mintutes to come down from your high, since your vision was clouded with white spots and you could almost feel the tiny sperm cells swimming around trying to reach your uterus. Thank God you were on the pill, over wise you would have been in deep shit. One day, maybe, if whatever just happened was to happen again, but that wasn't something you liked to think about.

"Are you alright?" You whispered as you pulled yourself off of HiMERUs now softening cock, laying down on your side besides him. "How do you feel?"

The man in question seemed to be in a daze, staring at the ceiling with no thoughts in his eyes. You poked his cheek with a finger, quickly jolting him back to reality as a smile tugged at his lips.

"HiMERU feels good, thank you" The smile on his face was genuine. Sometimes you questioned whether HiMERU was real or not, whether his personality was as fake as your gut told you it was. Here, you could see how your gut was wrong. That smile was real, this feeling was real. "HiMERU feels he should get stressed out more often, no?"

You scoffed, crossing your arms over your bare chest, "Don't push it, I won't help you if your doing it intentionally!"

"Then a date? HiMERU will pay, all you will need to do is be pretty for him"

You smiled back at him, "I'd love too"

You spent awhile on that futon, just chatting and staring into each others eyes like any old couple would do. When you did leave, it wasn't without a goodbye kiss and a promise to meet up again soon.

And, you would've let Rinne off the hook for making you go over there in the first place, if it wasn't for the message you received later that night.

Rinne: what position he put u in??

[nonobadcat]

Real talk out of pure curiosity: I saw you posted you were working on chapter 59? Of your fic

How do you have the motivation to write 59 chapters of a fic? Or I guess how do you keep inspiration for it?

I tend to lose inspiration after like three chapters rip

Real talk: I've been working on chapter 59 for 3 months. XD

The story in question (Hypnotic Nightmare - AFO x F!Reader - TW: noncon/abusive relationship/non-reader directed violence) has been going since October 2020. It's 265,000 words and rising. I also have A Taste of Your Own Venom (Shigaraki Tomura x F!Reader - TW: consensual relationship but Tomura is pretty obviously a yandere) which is about 197,000 words and my original, professionally published book Maid For Your Master which is about 86,000 words (Gothic romance, horror, F!Reader insert, TW available here) and I am working on the sequel.

There are a few things that help me out writing these monsters:

I like slow burn relationships. Smut is great and all, but I need the back story to be seduced.

I binge produce 10-20k words at a time then take several weeks off to chill.

I try to have multiple projects so that when I can't work on one **cough cough Venom**, I work on another.

I don't post the chapters right away. I used to, but I find that writing them out, holding them back until I've started working on the next chapter, and editing them one more time before the post works best. Ideally, I like to work 5 chapters ahead because it lets me add new ideas and then build them in to previous chapters. This makes it more fun and less stressful.

I have an ending in mind before I post. This allows me to work towards an specific point which is satisfying to readers, even if I get distracted by writing out every kink on earth (eg. Hypnotic) or I need a break (Venom).

I don't post everything I write. I write out tons and tons of ideas and wait to see if I have the motivation to finish them. For example, I have a 5 chapter outline for a yandere professor Overhaul story which is waiting in the wings to be posted. Been working on that for two years.

I don't hold back when a short fic idea hits just right. That is why we've had things like Red Sky at Morning (AFO x F!reader - dubcon merman) and Hands-On Instruction (AFO x F! or M! reader - dubcon professor x college student). If someone suggests something and it sparks joy, I write it. If if doesn't, either because it's not my bag or I'm too over stressed to work on it right then, I usually just reply in private.

Truth is #4 is not happening with Hypnotic right now because these are the final chapters. I am hoping to make 60 the last and then write an epilogue to give closure.

Another thing to consider is that, for long fics (eg. > 5 chapters), I don't recommend posting them on Tumblr. Tumblr gets buggy after about 2k words, can randomly drop your post and seems to hate extensive formatting (eg - glitches after you make so many formatting changes or tags). Also, based on my two years of fanfic experience on this site, Tumblr users don't engage much with long fic as a rule. They prefer headcannons, short smut (eg - one chapter), witty one liners, etc.

For proof of this, let me point out that Part III of Feeling The Spirit has 89 likes and 25 reblogs. The <200 word SFW drabble I posted last night of Tomura clutching a plushie while gaming? Over 100 likes and 12 reblogs in 6 hours. Tumblr like fast and furious content.

Archive of Our Own is much better for long fic. The website is more stable, formatting is much better with HTML (see the text bubble exchange in the first chapter of Liar Played by the Heartstrings - it's my crowning glory), it's easier to scroll between chapters, and long fics do better with their algorithm. The more chapters you post to one story on Ao3, the more your fic gets bumped to the top, the more people see it. Tumblr shows your story more based on reblogs, so you want things that people can quickly agree with and move along because that's what they reblog.

If you're writing on Tumblr alone, losing motivation in 3 chapters makes sense because engagement drops like crazy. On Ao3, engagement doesn't really take off until chapter 10-15 (where people can binge read your stuff), so it's more motivating.

The honest truth is though - this is my natural temperament:

Ask anyone who has had the misfortune to DM me. My mouth doesn't have an off switch. One of my commenters on Feeling The Spirit compared me to Victor Hugo because I spent an entire chapter introducing the haunted house.

So... for example... Hypnotic started as a 5 chapter project... and then it kinda ran away with itself.

Honestly, the thing for me is that writing is a hobby, not my day job. I just write when it makes me happy and then post it slowly when I have enough content for people to enjoy. That keeps the pressure off and lets me share my messed up brain with all of you.

[protagonistheavy]

I have distaste towards obnoxious/"clickbait" thumbnails and video titles as much as the next guy, but I certainly dont think significantly less of anyone who produces content using these sort of........ "manipulative tactics."

Which has to be said in quotes because at the end of the day, these creators are just trying to get you to notice their video in a sea of videos lol. Titles with ALL CAPS in the middle and generous use of ?!?! and an arrow pointing at a circled Thing in the thumbnail, the reason those are so frequent on youtube is because they fundamentally work to get more clicks -- they are effective at getting someone's attention. And I really just dont think someone is outright evil just for trying to bring attention to their videos -- especially when covering subjects that plenty of other people will also be making videos about. They just want to stand out.

But some attitudes towards these "tactics" seem to express real hatred for people who do this, as if they're doing something sneaky or wrong by... making their thumbnail bright and noticeable. I guess I want to ask, what SHOULD these people do...? And by "people" i mostly mean those middling content creators, youtubers that are happy to get ~20k views on something. Are they really supposed to hold onto some sort of pride and NOT do the thing that clearly gets other videos tons of engagement?

I guess another thing I wonder is if there are some folks who just have an instinctive disgust to being aware that they're being, like, advertised to. Like it seems that it actually grosses people out, to see clickbaity thumbnails, or it offends them to have had their eyes pulled away "unfairly" or something. There are entire extensions designed to swap out thumbnails with less obnoxious ones, and change the titles to more basic descriptions... and I guess I wonder, doesn't that feel almost a little insulting to the artist intent? I mean don't get me wrong, first and foremost, power to the user -- I love that people can control this about their internet experience. I'd probably use that extension too if I used youtube on desktop more often. But I can't shake this feeling that it's sort of dismissive of the artist to go out of your way to ignore what is, realistically, the front cover of a book, even if it's a shitty-looking cover. Someone designed that thumbnail, someone chose that title for the video, and I guess I sort of have a weird appreciation for the folks that can make a catchy and effective thumbnail while toeing the line of not being too annoying. I suppose I also feel a bit bad for those smaller content creators, who are stuck in a place of either accepting less engagement on their videos, or getting ridiculed online for just trying to get noticed.

And I stress that this post is about clickbait-like videos, not actual clickbait. I'm talking about thumnails with big arrows, circles, text, etc on the thumbnail, but ultimately actually do talk about the subject matter it shows -- compared to actual clickbait, that just uses that imagery to trick you into clicking a video that has nothing to do with the material. obviously the latter is just bad lol, Im more curious about these not-clickbait videos and why people have such a visceral response to them.

[carmillas-girlfriend]

@tardigradesonthemoon asked me to please link to the porn i've been reading. so i will. these are in no particular order. mind the content warnings. have fun <3 you guys im putting my whole dick and balls out here please don't kinkshame me all right

Milkshake by StedeBunnet

Modern AU. Stede/Izzy/Lucius. Lucius is jacking off to weird porn at home when he meets his neighbor and finds out "oh no you're the person in the video I've been jacking off to". He goes over to his neighbor's (Izzy's) place and meets his partner (Stede) together they all have crazy sex which involves acting like cows (does this fall under the umbrella of "petplay"?), being injected with hormones to grow milk-producing breasts, and then milking said breasts (and dicks).

Wave Hello to the Void by eefaevie, mxmollusca, and zacharybosch

Modern AU. Stede/Ed. Set in West Virginia and includes MANY other OFMD characters. It's 10 chapters and 78k+ words. I *highly* recommend this gorgeous fic. Stede is a retired professor of Folklore and current-Youtuber. He's in West Virginia (with Frenchie and Jim, his film crew) investigating the Moth Man. Ed *is* the Moth Man. This isn't actually that kinky, like the sex they have is NOT that kinky but he's having sex with Moth Man and Moth Man has interesting genitals and also psychic abilities so the sex is pretty otherworldly. It's also just beautifully written and made me feel.

Sweet as the Sound by adhduck

Canon era. Stede/Ed. But it's an AU where magic/Sirens are real. Stede is a disgraced Siren living on a deserted island completely on his own when ex-pirate, current-fisherman Ed Teach shows up. Ed and Stede are enamored/fascinated with each other instantly. Again, the sex is not that kinky but things are different because Stede has the body of a bird - like everything shoulder-down is all bird. He's almost as tall as Ed but - I cannot stress this enough - he is a bird. Ed wants to fuck that bird so bad. Also Ed is trans in this one. (it's also beautifully written, and wonderfully heartfelt).

On The Mend by Dracothelizard

Canon Era. Wee John/Izzy/Fang. This one is very kinky. In the past, Izzy, Fang, and Ivan had an agreed set up that when Izzy got too wound up or angry and mean - Ivan and Fang would take him somewhere and spank him and fuck him. Ivan left because he got pissed off about the lack of leadership on the Revenge. Fang seeks out Wee John to help take Izzy to hand when he gets pissed off again. This one is for the CNC lovers, Izzy argues and fights through it but insists that he can take Wee John's inhumanely big cock.

(Teddy) Bear Hugs by CanonPoilot

Modern AU. Fang/Izzy. (with some Fang/Lucius/Izzy in later chapters and Izzy/Calico Jack in the sequels). If you're only reading "(Teddy) Bear Hugs" but not the sequels the only content warnings you need are like: Daddy Kink, BDSM, pain kink, mentioned but not performed piss kink, internalized ableism, and internalized homophobia. If you're reading this *and* the sequels, watch out for all of those plus: Mommy kink, misgender kink, baby talk, ageplay, age regression, piss (lots, so much), vomit fetish, and - I'm not gonna lie - there's some (skippable) scat in there. It's definitely the kinkiest fic I've ever read but Fang's dirty talk sends me to a different universe in every chapter. (Outside of the smut I really love that there's a scene where Izzy hops on a call with Spanish Jackie and she's super excited about making her BDSM club wheelchair accessible. Like fuck yes.)

Who are we saying is captain right now? by bizarrelittlemew

Modern (1990s) AU. Stede/Ed/Roach. (Their ship name is Roasted which is brilliant). Roach's car breaks down in Nowheresville, USAmerica. He walks to the nearest house to borrow a phone and it's the house of Ed Teach (famous porn star) and Stede Bonnet (successful erotica writer). Roach stays the night because it's taking fucking forever to anyone help him get his car back on the road and also? Ed mentioned something about helping Roach be successful in the porn industry. And also these two guys are making eyes at him? Hot sex is had by all. (The sex isn't that kinky but how fun is a Roach/Stede/Ed sandwich? Like so fun!)

Testing the waves - also by bizarrelittlemew

Modern AU. Stede/Ed/Mary Bonnet. (This one is for the bisexual Ed truthers.) Ed is working as a surgeon when his former friend(s with benefits) is hired on as a surgeon. It's Mary! Mary and Ed hit it off again instantly. But 20 years have passed and Mary is married and has kids now. Ed finally gets to meet that husband during a Winter Holiday Workplace Party. Ed wonders if it's cliche to fuck his married coworker but decides it's not that bad because his married coworker's husband is also there. And again - not kinky sex, but a Stede/Ed/Mary sandwich is delicious and fun. (My only problem with this fic is that it isn't like 28 chapters because I want to read about Ed fucking Mary and then fucking Stede and then fucking Mary and then fucking Stede and then they all fuck together and then he fucks Stede and then - )

The Polyamorous Pirate by Dracothelizard

Canon Era. Everyone/Everyone. Canon divergence where instead of Stede at first pretending to Just Not Be Pirates when Badminton and his fucking minions climb aboard he pretends that him and his crew are a polycule and disgusts them off the ship (except for Hornberry who says he wants to join). So to keep up with the facade of them being a polycule they just become a polycule. Notable chapters include Wee John/Frenchie, Ivan/The Swede, Izzy/Roach, Fang/Lucius [etc.] and then of course the time that the crew gang banged Lucius. Fun fact: this fic gave me FangIzzy brainrot with the Fang/Izzy Daddy Kink chapter.

I fucking implore you to read this wonderful, wonderful filth.

Skinned Knees- by Skrifores

Modern AU. Ed/Stede. Ed visits a glory hole. Stede is on the other side of the glory hole wall. Stede has never visited a glory hole before and shoves his hand into the hole because he wants to shake hands with the stranger before sucking his cock.

God this fic is so...fucking sneaky. The first couple chapters are ludicrously sexy and funny. I am normal about cocksucking. It's really well-written smut and has lots of funny moments and laughter shared by the characters. And then it gets really intensely serious. And then I wept real tears at the ending of my cocksucking glory hole fic! (It has a happy ending but it hurts very much).

End of fic suggestions! I read OFMD fic, I am not kidding, every day. Please feel free to hit my line if I rec'd a fic you liked or if you have a fic that you think I might like. Thanks! <3

guys im reading the hottest and craziest porn of my life thanks to the ofmd fandom.

[stelera]

So I made the perfect grilled cheese last night...

[harbingers-appointed]

Hi, don't answer thi publicly if you don't want to. Regarding the change you are considering make to the project, I see it to be the best solution so as not to discard most of the ideas you have created. I'm sorry that you had to experience the defamatory treatment of people because of the drama of YB and the stress produced, I can tell you that as much as I've tried to make some drawing related to the au, the idea of being seen as a shitty person invades me horribly even if I don't support (1)

in any way the shit Fuboo did T-T (I've also seen users that exaggeratedly highlight the negative themes of YBG, I'm aware that this thing about the yandere characters, psychopathic tendencies and toxic manipulative relationships is romanticized and cliché but there's projects where there are more grotesque themes than these and I don't see ANYONE talking about it ¬¬'') But going back to your work, I see a lot of potential in this work, apart from that I want to know more about Flauros, (2)

Lucian, Rif and even other ocs if You have more owo I hope that my comment has been helpful (sorry for long ask again .-.) take care <3

Ah, thank you for your thoughts on this situation- it IS hard to deal with people thinking I'm some sort of supporter of those things. Nobody wants to be associated with being some sort of groomer- and I sure as hell don't support that! For so long I tried to push past that, but It just made me uncomfortable especially after a supposed friend told me one of the reasons they wanted to cut contact was because of this. YB has left a very bad taste in my mouth with everything surrounding it.

I 100% understand that feeling. I had another friend before show me screen shots of someone making a callout post about how I support a groomer and such.. Just...Not a cool feeling in the slightest. It's disturbing.

Yes- I do love dark themes and such! But I 100% do not condone those things in real life. Nobody really wants to get snatched by a stalker- and if someone genuinely does you typically know that's *not right*. There are a lot of much more disturbing content out there for sure- have even read about them too- and it's shocking to me.

Ah Flauros.... Honestly, I do want to make a big reveal about him soon, but still not sure how to go about doing so... Since it ties into some heavy things. As for other characters...I do have a ton I haven't shared here actually, haha.

Here's a really rough doodle of the best man in his Flauros attire. adding a nose and ears(?) not sure about it.

[what-remains-of-wren]

FAQ: The Thing I point To When I Really Can’t Be Bothered.

See, when I first started this account I was a fucking child. I’m now an adult with an autoimmune disorder caused by the trauma I’ve been through, plus, I have a job and a life. I am in pain and exhausted every single day now because the stress I went through as a young child warped my body’s ability to recognise friend or foe, and I now produce antibodies to a key component of oxidative phosphorylation, the main way your (and mine) body produces energy.

Long story short, I feel like shit. All the time. My capacity for dealing with other people’s shit is greatly reduced.

“Why are you such a jackass?”

See above: always in pain and always tired. In adition, I was raised in a cult. I had no friends and spent the majority of my time alone. I never learnt how to socialise like a neurotypical so I might as well embrace looking like a prick. I also barely socialize. I don't really need social interaction. I don't mind it, I just don't require it to function. 

“I like you. Can we be mutuals?”

My instinctive reaction is "are you okay" but I know some people don't mind my tone and like my content when I remember that this blog exists. The answer is yes- if you follow me I'll probably follow back. It's tumblr, I follow hundreds of blogs and half of them don't post anymore. Curate your own experience.

Also if you're expecting me to message you as a mutual, like, don't? I treasure my mutuals but I'm really bad with direct messages so I just lurk in your notes and occasionally like things. If that suits you then we'll do great.

“Why do you emphasise your surname so much?”

I like having a full name. Gives me more gravitas which a 5'2" ISTJ shut-in doesn't otherwise have. Yes, I am 5'2". Bodily.

Do you have any hobbies?

I draw. I write. I code and I get into places I shouldn’t be. I spend most of my time indoors since sunlight destroys my DNA, so I spend a lot of time online, reading, or otherwise whiling away the time. I’m learning German and trying to solve a seventy-five year old legal mystery. I like law, criminal and international criminal law, and I collect and restore rosary beads. I’m listening to music pretty much 24/7 when I’m not on shift or asleep - I always half jokingly say it’s to block out the voices.

Why do you have DID?

This one I get more than I’d like, I think because I mention that we were raised in a very peculiar way. Short answer, is it’s not really any of your business unless we’re close friends, and even then there’s stuff I can’t talk about- or won’t- until we’ve processed it a bit more. Long answer, is that when we were very young we were not really given a chance to develop in a way that a normal person would, and not only has that made a bit of a mess of our body in a way that will potentially kill us, it’s made a bit of a mess of all the different facets that would normally make up a person actually becoming a singular person. 

I have genuinely been asked if I’m a survivor of specific traumas or not on this platform to ‘prove’ I have the right to talk about a specific topic. My answer to that is, for one, I don’t talk about things I don’t know about, because I have a little self restraint, and for two, if you’re expecting me to come with boy scout badges for every nasty thing that’s happened to me, we better have a damn big shirt to sew them on to.

“Kill yourself/you should die/I hope you die/[other unoriginal hate message]”

I exist only to spite you. Sorry. Enjoy knowing that I live with a condition that makes me far more likely to have blood clots than a regular person, and any given moment I could drop dead of a stroke or a pulmonary embolism and yet I remain alive to spite you.

“You're too online. [Some random shit] doesn't exist in real life/I have X opinion and you have Y. Why can't you see [insert rant]?”

Adults can do what adults want. If you’re going to pull “oh but children are impressionable” if some 14 year old on the internet wants a circus themed gender I couldn't care less. They can try their luck with it in real life, but that’s not my problem.

As for syscourse, I literially can't be bothered to discourse on someone else's identity and I hate semantics arguments. If you don't a demographic around there's this amazing thing called a DNI. Me having DID does not mean I have to bully people or be some stellar advocate just by virtue of existing. I am not obligated to be an activist. I can't be bothered, nor do I feel the need to.

“Why do you follow [problematic person]?”

I don't background check who I follow and I'm not going to make a habit of it. Unless the discourse shows up on my dash I'm not gonna seek it out. Just because I follow someone doesn’t mean I agree with every aspect of their life, but we should all well know by now, monsters hide in plain sight all the time. I can never know if someone is a person I want to endorse so I just fucking don’t.

Also I rarely block people unless they're not someone I want on this blog or they're those "wanna see my nudes" bots. Tumblr, whilst barely functional in some areas, allows you to curate your experience pretty well without blocking people.

That being said this is something I am willing to talk about but in the end I can follow someone for my own purposes and simultaneously be aware their content is sometimes insensitive and not actively platform them for that reason.

“You're faking DID/DID isn't real/I posted you on syscringe/reddit/[other fakeclaim]”

I curate parts of our online presence specifically to generate traffic from people like you. I am genuinely serious. If me simply just minding my own business with other systems will get me fake claimed, I might as well go all in cringe, right? It's just entertaining for me. Better me than a younger, newer system who might not have the solid foundations I do.

If you think I'm going to post about the bad shit on the fucking internet- on a public blog -and not to a professional you are seriously mistaken. The internet is my "troll around" space, not "talk about my trauma" space. In addition, I am not your trauma porn. Survivors are not inspirational. Suck my dick.

“What do you think of [drama/discourse/current affairs] situation?”

Ask me once I’ve had my coffee and my painkillers. 9/10 I don’t have the energy to engage in the regular newsflow.

“Do you support [identity]?”

I think "do I support" is a funny phrasing for an identity. You don't "support" someone else's identity or "agree with" it because you don't actually get a say in it. If it's good faith and it's not actually hurting other people people can call themselves what they want and I don't care. Half the time I'm totally unqualified to give an opinion on these things. I just don't care what other people want to ID as.

“If you say you support everyone, do you support MAPs/Zoophiles?”

Children and animals can't consent. Non-consensual things are wrong. You should not have to ask me this. I feel like it’s kind of obvious.

“Are you pro-ship or anti?”

I'm asexual and neurodivergent. I don’t read fanfic or ship people. Don't expect me to take sides on issues I’m not familar with. Same goes for mspec lesbian discourse. I'm quite clearly not a lesbian. I defer to people have a fucking clue.

So that's the FAQ. I'll add to it over time, I'm sure, and I hope this saves me having to troll people who send me hate in the future. Leaves time to formulate nice answers to people who are here for genuine reasons and want genuine advice.

Live well and all that.

- Charlie

[love-kazin]

Love Song

Genre: established relationship, fluffy.

Pairing: Kang Dongho/Baekho x Reader (female).

Word count: 1.068.

Warnings: nothing but a slightly angst mention in the middle.

Knowing that your boyfriend Dongho hasn’t been succeding in his attempts to let the music flows through his veins, you try to help.

-x-

Holding your purse with one hand and coffees with the other, you greeted the new kind of secretary at the hall of where Baekho's studio was.

"Good night. May I help you?"

"Oh, good night, I'm here to see Kang Dongho."

"And who you might be?"

"I'm his girlfriend."

"Look, this is a serious company, and I don't think Mr. Kang Dongho would like to be interrupted by some fan."

"You're really new here, right?"

"What does that mean?"

You would answer the young lady but a sudden call caught your attention. Mingi was passing by the hall and saw you.

"What are you doing down here?"

"The new secretary assumed I'm a fan and just it, so I can't enter the building."

Mingi didn't say anything to you in response, but guided you to the entrance once again and spoke with the secretary.

"Good night, Yuri. I thought I told you Baekho's girlfriend was coming."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Choi. I just didn't knew it was her. I'm sorry to you too, miss.

Should I announce your presence to Mr. Kang?"

"No need, I'll walk her to his studio."

The girl allowed the entrance and bowed to the two of you.

"Thank you, Mingi. I thought she would call the security."

"Nah, it's ok. But I don't know if she was really just doing her job or if she was jealous."

Seeing your confused expression, he just chuckled.

"Don't take this too serious, but I think she has a crush on Baekho. Now she knows for sure to not invest anymore."

"Wait, had she tried something?"

"Oh, no. She's just too obvious, but Baekho doesn't even notice. Don't worry about it. But now, go see your boyfriend. He's almost losing his hair about the new song."

"Ok, thank you again, Mingi. Until next time."

He waved at you before you enter the room n° 7, where Dongho usually worked on music producing. Which was what you were waiting to see, and not his figure curved by the table, with hands on his hair and lots of paper around him, on the table, the couch and the floor.

"Bae?"

He just hummed until recognize your voice and turn around, so you faced a disheveled hair and a tired expression. You put the coffee on the mini refrigerator and walked to his chair, sitting on his lap and pulling him onto your embrace. For a few minutes, the only thing heard in the room was your breathing and the sounds of little pecks you left in Dongho's head.

"Talk to me, baby. What's happening?"

"I can't find the right lyrics to write this song, and I'm losing my mind."

"Mingi's said you're losing some hair too."

He chuckled lightly with his face buried into your neck.

"I can't say that I know what you're going through, but I understand the feeling of frustration about something not working how we want it to, so I'm here to help you with everything I can."

"I must had been too good in my past life to deserve you in this one."

It was your time to chuckle and peck his lips.

"Let me see what you've got so far."

Getting up from his lap, you collected some pieces of paper that weren't totally destroyed and called him to sit with you on the couch.

"This is all trash."

Reading some of the lyrics, you noticed that they were kind of similar.

"It is a love song?"

"It should be. But right now it's just an idea. It seems I can't work on it."

"I'm sure you can. I have never doubted your talent for music. And you always makes amazing songs that we're all blessed to appreciate."

Dongho's shy smile appeared and you caressed his face.

"I'm seeing a pattern here, and I think you could combine some of the lyrics to see if it can work. What do you think?"

He hummed and you both worked on the verses that would fit each other, choosing the best ones and trying to think of melodies. You didn't worked with music, but dating him made it a regular situation for you to understand and try to help.

After almost an hour, you did the last combination from some verses and sang to him, to see if it would work out well. It wasn't like you had a great voice or something like that, but Dongho always liked to hear you singing, specially because it wasn't a regular thing and he thinks your voice is sweet and addictive as candy. But he seemed so fazed by your voice that you thought he didn't liked, so you were almost giving up.

"If that doesn't work for you, we can try some more."

"Do you mind to go to the cabine so we can record this? So I won't forget."

"What?"

"I think it's the first time tonight that something sounds so simple and beautiful, that makes me think it's almost natural. No stress, no overworking, just... Pure and good content. That's what I'm looking for."

Dongho knew that his praises always makes you feel good, but in that moment, it didn't sounded like he was trying to make you feel that good. It was just a sincere feeling, making your heart flutter with the idea that you really helped him. At least, a little.

"Come, let me help you to record it."

The rest of the night seemed to work easier. Since you already started to launch the song, might as well finish a demo to be recorded later. So it worked like a lovely duet, performed by a lovely couple. It was sweet, in a calm rhythm, with a chorus that lingered on lips and heads. Dongho helped you during all the process, almost like if you were a real singer. And in the meantime, he worked on his voice to fit yours equally, so the song would come out good to the both sides, creating a feeling that you described to Dongho as 'getting home after work and finding comfort in your partner arms'.

You just didn't knew that Dongho was already making plans to make this official, with music video and everything allowed, to show the world how much you both were made for each other. The real home that you waited the whole day to finally reach and be comfy at night.

[aintnouseofpretending]

But My Love, This Cannot Be pt. 1

Mr M (Brian May) x Tomboy!Reader x Mr R (Roger Taylor) Time Travelling reader AU imagine

>>The continuation of Many Years Away. I strongly encourage new readers to read the previous Imagine and fully immerse yourself first before continuing because the story is escalating. Also, yes, this is a two-parter as I got too carried away explaining some details ._.

Tagging peeps that want the continuation~; @ohmygoditsanthonyedwardstark @tini-monster

ENJOY!

Small recap; you’re a college student from twenty thirty-nine. Worked in a guitar store and as a session musician in a big recording studio near your flat. You have an odd dream of being in nineteen seventy-three and becomes May and Deacon’s best friend, which are your guitar heroes from the legendary rock band, Queen. But when you wake up, you actually have to work with Brian May. After showing your guitar and bass skills to him, he says; “Perfect. Sounds just like yesterday…”

Your days were never been more perfect than today. “Thank you, sir. You’re a very big influence on my entire career.”

“Just call me, May. We’re going to work together again anyway.”

“I’m sorry, I’m afraid I respect you too much to just call you like an old friend, sir.” You say, purposely ignoring the last bit of his sentence. Although you have some suspicion,

“But we are.”

“Whatever do you mean—?”

“Were you not to told me you’re from twenty thirty-nine, how would I be here? Specifically picking you? Let alone wrote ��39? You even play, dress, and worked as a session musician, exactly like that day. It’s already impossible to forget, now it feels like we’re still in that awful studio, taping, the way you cannot seems to stop calling it. Annoyed Rog so much he throws his sticks at you. How many times was it?”

“… May?”

“You’ve missed many of our plays. John misses you, y/n. And so am I. Much more than you can imagine.”

Both of you catching up right after you got the chance to talk in private. At first, May cannot stop telling you how much he missed you, how much he cannot believe when the producer recommended you as a backup, the fact that you are indeed a time traveller. He’s trying his best to fulfil your last wish before you disintegrated; to be happy and live his life. “And to always remember you,”

You still don’t believe it, neither did he. But what for you was in a blink of an eye, for him it was almost sixty-five years. Whilst you wonder why are you time travelling, do the others know? How is Deacon? You can’t help but notice that May has been fidgeting, and when you mentioned Deacon or Taylor or Mercury, he looks a bit displeased, but he answered anyway,

“To stop the questions on your whereabouts, I simply told them that you might be too caught up in family issues and cannot come back.” At first, they’re looking for you whenever they got the time; especially Deacon, to the point that it depresses him greatly. Deacon doesn’t know you’re actually no longer existed, but May does, and it destroys him daily. Eventually, they accepted that they’re forever lost contact with you,

But things still don’t add up. How do you do that? To time travel? “You should know better than I do, May. You’re an actual scientist. Even in sixty-five years, it shouldn’t be possible to time travel yet, undoubtedly?” You wondered after both of you finally get the chance to talk again post-recording. “That’s a good question,”

He promises that the two of you will meet again to discuss it, for, unfortunately, his schedule was full this month. He said that he has dinner with his family, a birthday party; much it is to break your heart alone that you remember, he has a wife, kids, and grandkids. “Understood. Be careful on your way home, May. I will be right here,”

You pondered; do May still see you the same way? Surely he has moved on from your departure. And just thinking about that fact makes you a bit sad, how you stuck in time all by your lonesome. Why does that have to happen to you? What is actually going on? What did you do? … It was the cassette. You remembered you are listening to it before you're asleep last week, and then woke up in nineteen seventy-three. That cassette also the reason why you're back here. You’re uncertain whether you should listen to it again, but you made sure to tell May about it,

You’re still not unsure how listening to the cassette could make you travel back and forth in time. You go back to the music store from where you bought it. The clerk says that a man sold it there for a cheap price and later on the same day you buy it. The clerk—an acquaintance of yours, only knows that the man is middle-aged and since haven’t been seen. He can’t remember how the man looks, his memories are weirdly blurred when that happens. “Maybe I was hungover still. Don't tell my manager,”

After recording the next month, May inspects the cassette. He remembered that cassette, it’s Queen’s debut album after all, and one of the first few copies. He’s still quite happy when you come to him and ask him to be the first one to sign your copy. Although you never told him that Taylor was actually the one received the honour, but the bastard returns it to the sender with a note; only going sign it after you introduce him to this pretty bombshell that works in the same music store with you—the gal that already has a girlfriend. He ended up signing it from the peer-pressure given by his bandmates six months later,

“The process was unbelievably slow and painful. The hallucination becomes very vivid to the point that I might’ve been just in two different worlds at once, but stuck in the middle,” you explained. “I’m afraid I will be time travelling again if I listened to it.” “It looks like a normal cassette,” May noted, “although I haven’t seen that many cassettes for a long time. Highly probable that there’s difference cannot be seen with naked eyes,”

“Perhaps I should try and listen to it?” You suggested, “you can see how it works on me.” At first, he’s pretty much against it due to safety. But you reason that the process most likely won't escalate if you didn't tell him about it, someone that's correlated directly with the cassette You wish to gain as many information as possible to help the research later. Also to further prove that you are indeed could time travel. “My first priority will be getting this cassette to travel back here. Make it as short of a trip as possible,”

“Is that all?” He asks, but you only shrug. “Yes. I shan’t try to change things. Instead, I'll collect photographs, tapes, and some other legit proves about my existence in that year that you—or someone—could keep until exactly today. Look for more clues and blends in. Maybe there's more to this cassette when I first bought it in the seventies.” “Why?” “Because we should stop and hide this time travelling business that could potentially harm many people,"

“No. Why don’t you want to change things?”

“Why, May, I don’t belong in seven-thirties, I belong today. Before this trainwreck happens, my life is just a store clerk and a musician and a college student. Idolizing and to be like you. But you shouldn’t know about me at all; we’ve never met.”

“Yes, that’s how it is, before. But now that you have the power to change the history, why don’t you change it?”

“Why should I? What if that’s the cause in the first place? That someone has done it before and sold the cassette to forget about it, and now it happens to me? Besides, I am content with what I am today.”

“Surely?” He pleaded. That’s when you realised what he meant. There might be a huge doubt in your heart, but you have made up your mind. You know there’s no use to lie in front of the smart May, still, you did, and explained that you have no right to change things, whatever causes you to have such power. He respects your decision in the end. “What matters right now is finding how this works. We can stress about that later.” You closed the discussion,

Back to the cassette, you bought your priced vintage portable cassette player. You put on the headphone, waiting for May as he prepares the papers and pen, and making sure the camera is recording; so he can see and deduce how it works based on your reactions later. Unfortunately, by the time the music start, you passed out in an instant. When you are awake, however, you feel incredibly dizzy,

You don't remember what you've been dreaming, but it's something very real… Of someone. You promised someone that you'll buy… Something to go back? To buy them something? It's about music—perhaps a record? A cassette… It was a cassette! But for whom? And what cassette? You promised someone that you'll buy them a cassette—oh! Now you remember! You're supposed to bring your demo cassette to the new recording studio so that you can be a permanent session musician with Jordan!

You saw the clock on the wall and realised you're awfully late already! You quickly change your clothes and ran to the new recording studio. You're in so much hurry that you flung yourself out of the way of someone that's coming in your direction; nearly breaks your cassettes but magnificently hurt your own arse in the process—at least you didn't hurt whomever passerby you almost shouldered out the Earth,

“I'm so sorry! I didn't see there was someone around the corner!” A man profusely apologizing as he reached down and help gather your belongings. “Not to worry! I will be the one beaten by my boss! Have a good day, sir!” You told him whilst you put everything as fast as you can in your arm, although you can't help but notice that the man is a bit striking with his kinky brunette hair and a tall, skinny body. A familiar sight, you have to say, though you have no time to confirm it and simply continue running past his blonde girlfriend,

No matter whether the band wasn't ever here yet or to witness his glorious cracking voice, the producer took the liberty to be as loud and as merciless as he could when he yelled at you. He even pointed at your cracked cassette as you, apparently, left the good copy by the road; a disgraceful sign of the shit he and Jukebox—the band—has to listen to today. “You're lucky Jordan recommended you, or I might fire you on the spot,”

You try your best to hide the smug smile you had when Jukebox is visibly impressed by your skills, completely ignored the producer biased opinions. Despite witnessing your win, you're not ringed on the day where Jukebox supposedly taping. “Yeah. But you don't have to come. In the end, I didn’t do anything.” Jordan answered after you ask if he was ringed. That's odd. Not being ringed today… Weirdly doesn't feel right. As if you're supposed to get ringed in as a backup even though you're not doing anything. You later simply shrug it off, thinking maybe you're still quite upset the producer is so against you,

But it doesn't end there; once you did get ringed, you feel that odd tug again in the bottom of your heart. Relieved as though this indeed supposed to happen, that things are going back on track. When you've arrived, however, new curious thing hits you like a truck and tops every gut feelings you've felt these past weeks—you saw that tall man with the kinky hair again, in the studio, with his blonde girlfriend… Wait, the blue-eyed gal is a man! He's the drummer,

“They're the new band that had been using the studio past the taping schedule,” Jordan explained. “Name is Queen.” That's it! When you heard that name, you don't know why you instantly recognize them; vocalist Freddie Mercury, bassist John Deacon, drummer Roger Taylor, and… Guitarist Brian May. “You might've heard of them when we're out hanging in the clubs.” Oh, alright. Now that makes sense, but still, that fact doesn't satisfy you, there's supposed to be more to it, but again, you didn't bother…

In your mind you thought; “Alright, what the fuck is going on? Why did I have been feeling endless déjà vu since this morning?”. That reaction immediately sparked after you play both your guitar and bass since Dorian—Jukebox’s guitarist—broken his fingers from partying too hard, and the fact that Loui—the vocalist, told you to just straight up play the bass as well since you’re obviously skilled enough. And then come May and Taylor forward; they practically approach you straight up to comment on your skills after Jukebox taping is over,

That feeling like things doesn’t go right now is much clearer for you to identify; the fact that you expect May and another Queen member to came to you, but Taylor isn’t supposed to be the other one. Or that Taylor is the one that gives comment and praises your skills instead of May. Rather, May only apologizes about the previous incident and mostly listens to your answer for Taylor’s barrage of questions,

“We would like for you to watch us taping,” May insisted, desperately. “You should watch them taping, yes. They’re good.” Jordan agrees. “If the three of you said that word again, I will deck all of ya’,” shouted Taylor from behind his drum set. “What? Taping?” You received two sticks directly at your shoulder; thrown at full speed. Whilst Jordan and Deacon scolded Taylor for being rude to a woman—Taylor thought you were a guy with “uniquely progressive” fashion choice up until that point. Instead of anger, you, Taylor, and May laugh. There’s this familiar humour that tingles you and made you question why you find it funny instead of rude?

You try your best to convince yourself that you are indeed, perhaps, watched them play on a stage in one of the college gigs you attended or in any music clubs. But no. Their play is far too familiar—in a sense that as if you've been stalking them since the day they made Queen. The fact that you’re supposed to listen to them the day you’re not ringed when Jordan does makes you very upset—again for no reason; as to why you know you should have listened to them already despite finding them as familiar as the palm of your left hand, and for the fact that you think things have been nothing but a line of wrongness,

“Yeah, I really can’t. This is the third Saturday of the month, I have dinner with grandma.” You told the musicians when Jordan and May ask you to have dinner with them at the nearest pub. Jordan immediately put you into his hug that at first surprised you, but then he said; “Mate, your grandma’s been dead for two years. Let go.” “What the bloody hell are you—she’s alive!” Then it hits you. What he’s saying is right, you even remembered crying your eyes out as he hugs your shoulder. You think; “No. This is far too wrong. Something isn’t right. My mind and memory are fucking me up.”

“You’re right. Maybe that’s why I need to go home.” You resigned weakly, “have fun boys. You will be taping again tomorrow, correct? I will come and see if you don’t mind.” You could hear a subtle worried whisper asking “Is she alright?” which you presumed came from May,

Once you’ve locked the door, you quickly discard your coat away and sat on the cold floor. You try to think so very hard about the madness you’ve been through, that your stomach is swirling by itself trying to tell you what is right what is wrong without further made clear where it steers you to. Then you grab a pen and crumpled paper, write down the right-wrong things your own body trying to tell you; One, when you bumped with May and you felt like he’s your old middle school friend that lost contact with you. Two, you know that even Jordan doesn’t do anything when ringed in, but the fact you’re not even ringed upsets you greatly. Three, when you’re finally ringed; it feels so right. Four, the fact that there’s Queen and you feels like you’ve known them since their first debut gig. Five, that May and Taylor came to you and complimented your skills. And Six, your grandma. Your heart and gut declared that she’s indeed still alive, but your brain emotionlessly tells you that you attended her funeral shitfaced and simply still can’t get over it in two years straight,

After listing all of them and that particularly peculiar day ends, you decided that if you feel it again, you will investigate it further. One more to the list; Seven, the cassette. The cassette your brain trying to remember was not your demo cassette, it was something else—precisely about buying it, but for whom you still have no clue,

Since the day you met Queen, you have been watching and aid them taping. The weird feeling is gone, and you’re very grateful. You, May, and Taylor quickly becoming a best friend; you don't know why you're best friend with Taylor, though. Taylor occasionally casually chipping in—mostly because he throws his sticks at you for you seems to cannot stop using the wrong term; plays for gigs, taping for recording, at this point you continue doing it because you know it pisses him off,

“You’re going back to the campus after this, y/n?” Ask Deacon, you nodded in response. “Why, aren’t you model student? Be cool, hang with us more. Maybe you can hook with one of us.” Mocked Taylor as he sits next to Deacon. You happen to have lunch with them since they’re finally back in London after their debut album tour. “I have to be a model student for myself. Thesis incoming. That’s why I can’t help you with your next album.” You explained, completely ignoring Taylor's suggestion. “Never crossed my mind to ask you about it, but what’s your major?” May inquired. “Astro—,” you scrunch your nose as you think, “music.” You answered, finally. There it is, the weird feeling is back,

“Bri was Astrophysics. Never knew there's another major, what? Astromusic? That sounds cool. And how come you forget about it?” Taylor jokes again. “Wait, so that means you can’t tag long for our next tour?” You shake your head, continue eating. “That’s very unfortunate,” May sighed deeply, you can only shrug. "Listen to our cassettes if you miss us, love. Don’t worry, I will miss ya.” He said with a wink. Your spoon stopped mid-way as you quickly look at Taylor that’s being smacked by May and Deacon for some reason,

“What? You’ve forgotten to hook me with the shag? Don’t you want me to sign your cassette? Or you instead want to hook with me?” Your eyes widened as you dropped your spoon, which causes a confused reaction from the boys. “What cassette?” You queried, now this makes both Taylor and May shows expression of a sudden realization for something. “Didn’t you… Didn’t I say I will sign your copy of our debut cassette once you introduce me with the gal from your music store?”

“What are you talking about? I haven’t buy your debut cassette, I’m busy helping Jukebox and jamming with Jordan.” “Hold on. Wasn’t I the first one to sign it?” May adds, but just as unsure. “No?” “Bri was right! I saw him signed it with John!” Taylor nudges Deacon. The man was completely lost as to what happened with the three of you. “Y/n never come to me to sign anything.” “Exactly—,”

It’s like getting your head hit with a giant dictionary book, you finally remembered! Both your mouth and eyes were as wide as they can be. You are indeed from the future and—, “fucking shit! I forgot completely!” You screamed and jump from the chair, ran outside and to the store where you’re supposed to buy the cassette. It was almost on the other side of the city, but you’re glad you brought your bike with you,

“Have—,” you cough like crazy before you could even talk, scaring the store clerk, which are your friend. The same exact friend that sold you the cassette in the future. “What on earth is happening to you?” “The Queen! Queen debut cassette! Have you sold any?” “No—?” You immediately go to the rack. It’s there, what you assume is the same one from your first run in the past. You immediately fall down the floor, trying to calm yourself whilst inspecting the cassette; it was exactly the one you bought on the first time you’re in the past, because it’s a wee bit misprinted by half a centimetre which bothers the hell out of you, but it’s already signed when you notice it,

“You got the cassette?” Someone squatted right next to you. “May? Wait, what?” The man only nodded, “you should pay for it. Let’s talk outside,”

“I should’ve taken a taxi like you. I feel like dying,” you’re still wheezing, glad the air is much better than it was in the future. “But how?” You questioned, May folded his hands on his chest and contemplate. “I’m not sure. Do you remember when you throw yourself into the pavement just to avoid bumping that night? I have felt since then that you looked familiar. I thought you were my old school mates I might’ve forgotten. But then I remembered things we’ve done on your first time in the past—the fact that Rog said exactly the same thing despite everything was completely different… Perhaps he is affected too? But the memories of after your first disintegration was… Much more blurry. Same with when before you’re disintegrated in front of my eyes in twenty thirty-nine. I think my brain thought it was false memories and simply decided they're not important,”

As interesting as they sound, unfortunately, you really can’t be bothered about that much, so you told him to write it down. Now your objectives are to get as many proofs as you can and May will keep them safe until twenty thirty-nine, and go back to the future. “I’m terribly sorry that you have to go through another sixty-five years whilst I can travel back and forth as if the year thirty-nine was in Wales.” “About that, uhh... Should we really hurry?”

“May. Don’t. I have made up my mind. It’s far too dangerous if this fall on someone else’s hand. God knows they have certain things in mind on how to use this.” He closed his eyes and nods, “thank you.” He catches your arm. “Why I’m back here too is perhaps because I listened to the cassette. It was a week after you’re gone, and you haven’t come back. I was worried and helpless. Please understand.” “Well, at least there’s a silver lining to it—that you don’t have to live another sixty-five years to got to thirty-nine! And I’m awfully glad that I know I’m no longer have to do this alone,”

Both you and May bought a Polaroid camera and cassette recorder. The two of you jams together and taped the session, take pictures with the band and Jordan and Jukebox. In your flat, as you put the “proofs” of your existence in 1973, you saw the pic of you with May, Freddie, and Taylor jamming, the one that Deacon took. Something inside of you crumbles. “What happened, y/n? Are you okay?” You didn’t notice you’ve shed tears and it falls on the picture. “No. Nothing happened,”

May sat next to you and grab your hand. You stared at his hazel eyes. “I will miss you and Taylor. I will miss everyone living in this year.” You whisper as you hug him. “You’re a dear friend of mine.” You tighten your hug, and he does the same. You let go and wipe your tears. Before May could say anything you both will regret, you cut him, “we will study this cassette. Promise me you will.” He reaches for your hand one last time, give it a quick squeeze before he stands up and sits somewhere else,

“Ready?” He asks. You nodded. Your eyes never leave his, same goes for him. You both took a deep breath when he clicked the play button...

To be continued...

[critical-critiques]

LONG POST

Okay so first you have the whole money stuff. I completely understand that production costs money and all other expenses, I also know that youtube is Thomas' job. But that doesn't mean what he has isn't alot. Or at least in my eyes, running merch, a patreon, sponsors and of course with his pg family friendly content ad revenue, he's making a pretty penny for very little content. His content is good for what it is- a free youtube series. But at this point with what he's earning its a good paying job, and if it's his full time job you can't be too upset when people ask for more regular content especially those who pay for the patreon. Its not a passion project at this point it's a business, making money. And when you start taking money you need to start providing content.

Also I want to talk about putting thomas under stress. Asking for regular content from someone who is charging money or asking you to buy stuff isn't pressuring them. If thomas was a one man team trying to produce content at the standard of sander sides then I would be against asking for regular content because he would be doing it alone. But thomas isn't alone, not only does he have an entire team, he has money from the items listed above to pay for help. Also the fact that I'm not saying it needs to be up to that level , unscripted, less edited content is just as good and wouldn't require that much time to produce. Mental health matters and I'm not trying to say that youtubers or other public figure "owe" their audience, but I don't love how thomas has a lot of support and resources but no regular uploads , the last two (from time of this post being written) uploads have been ads.😐 Also if he's under pressure to produce content why have multiple channels and open a patreon. It seems like alot to put on yourself and only sets you up to let your audience down.

Now onto the audience and how idolized thomas is. Thomas is a grown man and when he makes mistakes I can't say I've seen any real effort being made (the animator issue, using aave ect). Either it's been completely ignored or barely addressed which is dissapointing from a big creator such as thomas. However thomas not talking about it doesn't mean the fandom hasn't, sadly people who speak against his actions often get attacked or completely shut down which isn't great. Seeing Thomas be protected by his mistakes by a dedication young audience who idolize him is irritating at the very least. Also the constant babying is disgusting, he's an adult. He has access to the internet, its not hard to research stuff before including it. Thomas isn't a bad person, but he isn't a saint. He has made mistakes allow people to point them out and get apologies- genuine apologies.

Also the lack of content warning is just wrong but I don't want to keep writing so let's wrap it up with.

He knows what he signed up for, when making videos like puppets or animation realize it's gonna take longer and prepare for that. There is literally no reason why someone in his position should be posting so little. If you have patreon and feel he post enough there and on youtube to make up that's great for you but I don't think there should be a paywall between thomas and his younger audience especially if you need to get patron just to get a bit more from him. Patreon should be an add on, little bits here and there, behind the scenes ect. Stuff you don't need to know or see but want to . It shouldn't be a substitute for making youtube content.

Also the over doing of special effect is just 😬 especially for ppl with sensory issues.

Anyways that's it

Feel free to add on.

tl:dr

Thomas really needs to either cut back on the amount of work he puts on himself and his team or step up and start actually doing it, but what's happening right now is just dissapointing

Gonna make my own post on this cause I don't want to hijack someone else's.