#I'm sure there's an image description somewhere in the notes but it felt like it should be here

[ollieofthebeholder]

[Image description: A photograph of a man in a red t-shirt, grey shorts, and glasses, holding the leash of a black shaggy dog with a pointed nose and ears, running through a series of brightly-colored arches that serve as sprinklers. The man is bent almost double as he ducks under the last arch and the dog is staring directly into one of the sprays of water. /end ID]

I’m paying to force seven thousand strangers to see a photo of my late husband having fun with his dog. Tumblr Blaze is totally worth it. XD

[weirdsht]

What if i have an idea and it's orv's "incarnation kim dokja will be killed at the hands of the person he loves most" BUT it's reader and cale

May Our Fates Intertwine Once More - Cale/Reader

notes: 1. Anon I'm sorry for taking so long to write your req; and 2. I'm sorry to everyone who saw the small preview I posted before and thought it was fluff.

tags: fluff, no gender specified for reader, novel spoiler (sealed god's test), hurt no comfort, angst, death, canon divergence from 620

English isn’t my first language so there will be grammatical errors

Pls don't repost my work anywhere without my permission

Constructive criticisms and any kind of interaction are more than welcome

Requests are open and welcome

Buy Me Dessert

Navigation Masterlist

One moment you were next to Cale then the next second you’re standing in the middle of an unknown place with this weird half-transparent blue screen in front of you.

[Quest List:]

[1. Pass the tutorial

2. Launch a widescale attack on the safe zones during the eclipse 

3. Die after fighting a magnificent battle at the hands of the person who loves you the most]

“What the fuck…”

You cursed as you read what the screen says. You tried to see if you could touch it but something else popped up as soon as your finger made contact with it.

[WARNING!! WARNING!!]

[All injuries sustained in this body will be mirrored in your real body!]

“This isn’t my real body? But it looks the same.”

It really does. The only thing that has changed is your clothes. You’re wearing something that fits the image of a deity.

Still confused, you look around you. There’s nothing you recognized. But it does look like you’re somewhere abandoned.

[A message has arrived! Tap here to read!]

You tapped the new overlay that popped up and it instantly brought you to the message.

[Are you enjoying your lover’s original world?]

The anonymous message said. Immediately, you had an inkling as to who it could be.

“What the fuck? You must be that stupid god presence we felt back there.”

[Such brash words while talking to a god… Anyway, are you aware of where your lover is?]

“His around here too right? What the hell did you do to him?”

[Nothing much. His just under my test to overcome his despair. I’m waiting for him to be consumed by it so he can take my hand.]

“Knowing Cale, I'm sure he’ll overcome it. He’d rather die than work with you.”

[That’s where you come in dear.]

You feel like you can hear the god’s vile laughter even through the screen. But you wondered how you’d help meet Cale’s demise. Unless a demon possesses you to the point where you can’t control yourself, you won't do it.

Then it dawned on you.

The mission.

[3. Die after fighting a magnificent battle at the hands of the person who loves you the most]

“HAHAHAHAHAHA! You’re quite witty, aren’t you? On the bright side, I found out Cale loves me the most thanks to you.”

[It’s great, isn’t it? If you don’t do your missions you’ll be stuck here forever. If you do them you’ll die. Whatever you do you love must say goodbye. An instant recipe for despair.]

“We’ll see about that. You might be underestimating me too much.”

You pointed your middle finger towards the screen with messages before closing it.

Getting past the tutorial was easy. Turns out you have an inventory that contains countless supplies of food and other necessities. You also have the ability to summon monsters.

The same monsters your lover told you he fought in his previous life before becoming Cale Henituse.

“Ho? This is interesting. It feels like I’m playing a game of some sort.”

You said no one in particular as you read the descriptions of the monsters at your disposal. You spend the whole day navigating the screen that calls itself the “status window”. According to it, you have the whole day free today as the eclipse will happen tomorrow.

As you take yourself on a tour of your inventory one particular item catches your attention.

[Sword of Liubi Duplicate]

It was your sword. Well, a duplicate of it. It was given to you by Cale after you first met. Clicking on the sword, you read what properties would its copy have.

[A sword replicated from your world. It’s strong, probably one of the strongest swords on Earth 2 despite being nerfed. However, since it’s a duplicate it will only have half of its original prowess. It is still a remarkable weapon nonetheless.]

Some of the terms used like “nerfed” you don’t understand as they don’t exist in your world. But it still gave you a general idea as to what the status of your sword is.

Well, it’s better than nothing.

Plus you think the only time you’d have to use it is when you fight Cale so it’s better that it’s not as strong as before.

“Either way I die huh…”

You mumbled as you stared up at the ceiling of the abandoned house you found. Usually, a person would not be able to stay in such a place so leisurely. However, since the monsters won’t touch you it's a different story.

“What am I getting sad for? I was supposed to die way back! I’m just fulfilling it now…”

It’s the truth. If it wasn’t for your lover and his friends you would’ve died a long time ago. You guess someone bound to die early will die early.

You dismissed the thoughts of your death out of your head. Instead, you focused your energy on thinking about how you would get Cale to fight you so he could complete his mission.

With those thoughts in mind, you slowly fell asleep. 

“Okay, this is kind of fun… but I feel bad since Cale and the others are fighting the things I summoned.”

You’re on top of a building. A good distance away from Cale– no Kim Rok Soo’s safe zone but still near enough to be able to observe what’s happening.

“Is that Choi Han? At first I felt bad for them, but now I feel bad for myself. They’ll finish my babies in no time!”

Observing Choi Han and the others fighting, you kept summoning more monsters. The monsters you summon are regulated by the status window but you still find some joy in doing it.

It is getting tiring though.

You can’t believe you have to keep doing this for 24 hours straight. You’re not even getting paid…

[Alert!]

[One (1) of your “Grade 1 Taster Monsters” have broken from the pack]

[Alert!]

[Two (2) of your “Grade 1 Taster Monsters” have broken from the pack]

“What the hell? I swear my dearest must have an ancient power that allows him to gather powerful beings. His even stealing away my babies.”

You huffed in frustration as you watched two of your summons go over to Kim Rok Soo’s side.

“Isn’t this whole thing too good for me though? Everything I need to survive is free… And summoning monsters doesn’t cost anything.”

[It's the least I could do for someone bound to die either way]

That pesky god messaged you again.

“Well look at you being Mr. Nice. Are you flirting with me? Sorry, I’m taken.”

For emphasis, you brought up your ring finger that contained your engagement ring. As if flipping the god off.

[Blasphemous as ever. It tempts me to take you as one of my children. Too bad you won’t be able to take in the despair that comes as a price.]

“Yeah yeah. Just shut up. It’s not like I have any plans teaming up with a god.”

Sealed God shut up and you lived the next days in peace.

You have the monsters at your disposal that can do whatever you need them to do. And you have no quest assigned to you aside from that dying one. Your mind has also been at ease as you have a general plan as to how you’ll get your love to fight you one-on-one.

[New Mission Alert!]

[Summon one (1) Electric Eel in Gwangalli Beach]

Gwangalli Beach where is that? You have absolutely no idea. In fact, you’re tired of your status window acting as if you were from this world.

“I’m sure the monster will know where it is…”

Convincing yourself that your summons will know where it is you summoned a flying monster to take you to that place.

Luckily, your assumption was correct. In no time you were where you need to be.

“Status window summon one Electric Eel… Who named this thing? I mean it’s a snake that will be summoned from the sea, and has electricity as one of its powers. But Electric Eel? Seriously?”

After bashing the monster’s name a little, you summoned it.

“I’m sure you already know what to do…”

You mumbled to the monster before going away to hide before someone saw you.

All that’s left for you to do is watch and wait for your entrance.

3 days. That’s how many days it took for them to defeat the Electric Eel.

While everyone was doing that you were watching on top of the building. Your robed dress flows freely in the wind as you do so. There were a lot of instances you wanted to intervene. Wanted to go help the love of your life and the man you considered your brother.

But alas you couldn’t.

The status window with only one quest left reminded you of that every time.

[Are you ready for the final act?]

Sealed God messaged you again. As if laughing at your inevitable demise.

“Just watch my performance. It’ll be spectacular.”

For a moment you were tempted to curse him out as you usually would. However, you decided that if you’re gonna go out today, you’re going out with grace and elegance. It's only fitting as the fiance of a duke’s son.

[Player _____ will be killed at the hands of the person that loves them the most]

[The last arc of the game…]

[Starts Now]

Ignoring the status window, you ride the flying monster waiting for you. It’s the same monster that brought you to the beach before.

“I worked so hard just for you to defeat my baby.”

You gently spoke as you gracefully descended from the monster's back and onto the dead Electric Eel. 

“...That’s your baby?”

Kim Rok Soo mumbled quite mournfully. He was supposed to be your baby after all.

“Wait how are you even here?”

He asked. Looking at you curiously. 

“Oh, I’m the one summoning all the monsters you’ve been fighting. Was it fun? Ah, don’t ask me where they come from though. I have no idea where they came from. I can only summon them.”

You spoke as if there was nothing wrong. As if you guys aren't standing on the opposite sides of the battlefield.

“_____-nim…”

Choi Han, the man you have come to consider your brother, slowly called out to you.

“What are you doing?”

He asks, not minding the whispers from the people around you three.

“So that’s what happened to my Dark Tiger… Asking permission to borrow my things would have been appreciated, Your Highness.”

You addressed Alberu first before answering the swordmaster’s question.

“Don’t you still get it? Every play must end with the hero defeating the evil mastermind! And you Kim Rok Soo…”

The sword you summoned on the way here pointed towards your lover.

“You shall be the one who strikes the final blow.”

Kim Rok Soo’s brain connected the pieces. You smile while observing him. And that smile pissed him off.

Because you were smiling as if everything was okay.

As if you hadn’t just announced your death.

“And if I refuse?”

“Then I’ll be stuck here and die. You wouldn’t want that would you?”

“So I just have to kill you here?”

‘And then you’ll return to my arms in our world?’

You knew the silent question that lingered in the commander’s reddish-brown eyes.

“Yes.”

Yet you ignored it. Letting him believe that everything will be fine. That you will only die in this world. That nothing will happen to you in your world and all shall be well.

It was for his own good.

The only way for him to not fall into despair once more.

Drawing your sword once again, you beckoned for your lover to fight you.

“Everyone else stay back. I’ll summon another unranked monster if you interfere.”

“Follow what they say and just watch.”

You and Kim Rok Soo said before your powers clashed with each other.

Lightning after lightning struck you. However, your sword blocked most of them. Dodging the ones you couldn’t block.

When it was your turn to attack, you struck your sword towards Cale. Each slash either landed on the Indestructible Shield or was blocked by the Fire of Destruction.

“Your sword is stronger than this. I did not give you such a flimsy thing.”

Cale spoke as you failed to cut through his shield once more.

“Don’t worry this isn’t the one you gave– Ugh!”

A lightning struck you. Cale used it as an opportunity to land more hits.

“I was talking you know? You’re as rude as ever. Anyway, this one is a duplicate.”

Your sword managed to land a cut on the commander’s arm. Everyone else watched the two of you. People who don’t know you were wondering how can the two of you fight while bantering as if your lives aren’t on the line.

But not everyone in the audience didn’t know you. Two people in there knew you very well. 

“I’m going back first. Something about this feels off.”

Alberu told Choi Han who was gripping his scabbard tightly.

“His Majesty is going first?”

“Seems like it.”

You can Cale continued talking as you fight. It reminded you of the small talks he would engage you in as you train.

It reminded you that this is probably the last time you will be able to talk to him like this.

“Ow! That hurts you know!”

A particular attack from the Sky Eating Water rendered you unable to pick up the sword. Cale took this as an opportunity to hold you down using the trees summoned earlier to fight the Electric Eel.

You watch as Cale turns off his Sound of the Wind. He walks towards you at a leisurely pace, picking up your sword on the way. 

“I’m sorry.”

He said and you noticed his hand tremble ever so slightly.

“Don’t be. I’m happy that it’s you. Do you want to know what’s the prerequisite of my death?”

Cale did not answer but you said it anyway.

“I shall die by the hands of the one that loves me the most. That’s what it said.”

The commander’s eyes shook along with his hand.

“That’s why I’m glad…”

Blood spilt from your mouth as your sword stabbed your heart. From the corner of your eye, you could see Choi Han running towards where you are.

“_____-nim!”

Your brother called out to you as Cale let go of his control on the trees in favour of holding you instead. 

There’s still blood spilling from your mouth but that didn’t stop you from smiling at him. Your smile was weak and tired, but it was the best you could do at the moment.

“I’m fine…”

You assured Cale squeezing your hand.

“I’ll be waiting for you in our world. So don’t be sad okay? Remember you have to overcome despair.”

“Promise?”

Cale asked you as he cradled your body in his chest.

“I promise.”

You left out the part that you’ll probably be dead or dying when he sees you. 

Weakly, but full of determination you raised your left hand to link your pinkies together. The diamond in your engagement ring shone as you did. Meanwhile, your right hand is being held by Choi Han.

They said that your life will flash in your eyes at your last moments. No such thing happened to you. But you did remember a conversation that you and your lover had prior to this whole thing.

“So you’re birthday is on November 8th? Why are you only telling me this now? There’s so little time to prepare a gift for you!”

“What are you talking about it’s still so far away?”

“No, it’s not! It’s not enough time for me to prepare the perfect gift for you.”

That’s right, today is November 8 in this world. It’s Cale’s birthday…

“In Raon’s castle… My gift is there. He should know about it…”

“You can just give it to me yourself when we get back.”

Cale answered and you almost laughed at his cluelessness.

“...Happy birthday my love. May you always find happiness.”

Those were your last words before you took your last breath. Before your body slowly turned into dust in Cale’s hold.

But Cale wasn’t in despair even as you die.

He may be sad, but he wasn’t in despair.

It was because he was holding onto your words that you’d meet him back home.

That’s how Cale was able to pass the Sealed God’s test.

But why…

“MOVE ASIDE, LET PENDRICK AND SAINT-NIM HANDLE IT!”

Why was the first thing he heard as soon as he came back Alberu’s shouting when he was supposed to be in his castle making preparations?

“CALL FOR MORE HEALERS WE’RE LOSING _____-NIM!”

“_____ wake up. Please wake up.”

Alberu and Raon’s voice rang on his head. 

At that moment. Rosalyn and Eruhaben noticed that he was back. They quickly greeted him before calling over Raon and Sherrit to remove the barrier that surrounded him.

“What’s happening?”

Cale asks as he enters the room where the shouts are coming from.

The sight made him stop in his tracks.

Laying on a grass bed that’s similar to where he was just a few minutes ago was his lover. His fiance.

They were lying there. Bleeding.

On the heart.

Exactly where Cale had stabbed them back on Earth.

A realisation dawned on him at the moment.

You just promised that you would meet him back home.

You did not promise that you would meet him alive.

Cale, the fool, had only assumed you would.

[halothenthehorns]

Chapter 8: I DRIVE MY DOG INTO A TREE

"Perseus!" Alex yelped in a truly dangerous tone of voice, Annabeth felt the need to reach for her dagger she didn't have. "What do you do to Mrs. O'Leary?!"

"I swear it's an accident!" Percy looked genuinely stung if he'd hurt her, so much so Alex immediately became gruntled over his outburst.

"Okay, well, head like hers, I'm sure it hurt the tree more," Alex said for both of them.

"I bet she becomes the branch manager of the whole forest," Will snickered.

Alex grinned in delight and tried to continue the mayhem, while Percy groaned at the pun.

"Maybe she even takes it along as a toy, you still owe Cerberus a game of fetch, what if-"

Sweat broke out on Percy's brow, he took a sharp, painful breath and trembled in his seat as his mind flashed with broken, disjointed images of the Underworld, his dog leaping into shadows-

Alex nor anyone protested as Jason started to read, his voice level and ignoring the stirring water starting to pull along them. Annabeth was rubbing gentle circles into the back of his hand until he finally came back.

... saw me first...pretty good trick since she's the size of a garbage truck.

Magnus's stomach still pitched like someone had shoved him down a flight of stairs at the idea of her being real. Of perhaps having to see this monstrosity of a wolf-like shaped creature sometime in his future if he ever wanted to visit camp and eat actual food not out of a garbage can again. She would just, be there, roaming around, ready to pounce on people from the shadows.

Everybody around him burst out laughing in obvious affection for the description and he tried to manage a smile along. He knew she was a sweet girl who would just lick him to death in theory, but he still worried they'd all laugh themselves stupid at him when he had a heart attack upon actually seeing her.

... huge paw on my chest and an oversize Brillopad tongue licking my face.

Thalia plugged up her nose and waved her hand around. "Thank the gods that smell came out." She'd been around plenty of her own wolves to know that breath reeked like the dead things they ate tried to crawl back out.

"Thank the gods my skin resists that kind of torture," Percy chuckled, it had felt probably a lot like what he put those flesh-eating horses through. A painful powerwash from hell.

... pretty much drenched in dog drool.

"Note to self, Percy's powers do not work on dog drool," Jason nodded to himself.

"I already knew that from his own drool," Annabeth smirked, resisting the urge to reach over and rub his chin with just the pad of her thumb to make him blush like a new species of deep-sea fish.

She was rewarded for her restraint by getting to see him just sighing and giving her a friendly, aggravated smile for the teasing, which was just as nice.

...By the way, Mrs. O'Leary is the world's only friendly hellhound.

"And I thank Daedalus every day for that," Alex chuckled, still remiss he couldn't ask him exactly how that had worked out. Maybe he could get Nico to take him down to the Underworld one day.

...Beckendorf took care of her when I was gone... been her best friend.

"He really was great about taking in everything I needed him to," Percy said, thinking of Tyson and all his Annabeth woes mixed in. He hated how his smile already felt forced and tired, how he could sense somewhere not too deep this feeling would increase as time went on. He could traverse as deep into the ocean as he'd like, but that feeling could stay buried where it was as far as he was concerned.

...made me sad all over again... threw the shield more because Mrs. O'Leary insisted.

"He has a problem saying no to girls who know what they want," Alex muttered with a smirk that terrified Percy even if he hadn't heard him.

Magnus just shook his head slowly in defeat he was not going to be able to stop Alex from mocking his cousin or Percy about this anytime in the future.

Soon she started barking—a sound slightly louder than an artillery gun—

"Good thing my earbuds are just as resistant as the rest of me," Percy said as he rubbed at the faint crackling noise that had reverberated for a few seconds.

...didn't think it was funny when she went in the arena...caused slip-and-slide accidents.

There was an unfortunate combination of spluttering and laughter in the room from that visual, helped nothing by Annabeth reluctantly adding to the noise, "Clarisse threatened to make that the new initiation ceremony if we didn't make some kind of schedule for her. She volunteered for at least half though."

"Clarisse is going to ride that dog into battle and Kronos is just going to make a run for it," Alex nodded with confidence.

"If only," Magnus grinned along because it would be nice if life was that easy.

... Even dragons and giant scorpions ran away when she came close.

"Dragons?" Magnus's hands flailed uselessly, and they were pretty sure he wasn't just trying to sign distress. "As in more than one? Wasn't the metal one enough!"

Annabeth felt awful she couldn't deny that, that the casual part of her day was clearly affecting him. "Well, there are different types, and we have-"

Will succinctly cut her off, knowing from experience that wasn't going to end any better. "Pay attention Magnus, they don't go near the enormous hellhound, so Percy won't meet one this time."

Magnus looked at him like he'd decided to start chewing on his feet, obviously declaring that didn't make this better, but the others were trying to suppress looks of amusement and failing poorly. Annabeth still tried to catch his eye, she didn't want him to go back to the surface and run off to never speak to her like was clearly half on his mind after just this tid bit...but then he just sighed and waved Jason to keep going.

Hopefully he had that Chase resilience in him, the kind she'd always grudgingly admired about her dad. The kind of laser focus that wouldn't stop him from doing anything, like giving an afternoon with her a try away from this crazy world he'd been thrown into.

... in a clearing where the Council of Cloven Elders had once put Grover on trial.

"Sounds like a place that needs a good hellhound," Jason grumbled. Those old goats probably didn't just chill in there eating grapes and waiting to ruin the hopes and dreams of the next satyr, but it was a nice idea for a moment for Mrs. O'Leary to come in and put the fear of an actual leader into them.

... the thrones had lost all their leaves. That's not what surprised me.

"Is she attracted to the smell of death?" Magnus frowned at the sudden idea her very footsteps might be causing this effect. She was called a hellhound, and he knew Nico could do that, maybe creatures of the Underworld could too.

"No more than other animals," Nico shrugged, reminding Magnus unpleasantly of the amount of times he'd seen cats nibbling on something a little too big to be a dead dog and just nodding to get through that memory.

In the middle of the glade stood the weirdest trio I'd ever seen:

"Including you guys dads?" Magnus asked, it hurt his brain a bit to imagine all three side by side as different as they were.

"Including Annabeth, Percy, and Grover saving the world," Jason shrugged, the idea still felt like an odd flashing light in the back of his brain of a trio who shouldn't exist if he thought about them all too long.

"That time Annabeth, Rachel, and Calypso all stood there watching Percy be an idiot," Alex smirked.

"Alex, that hasn't happened," Percy scowled at him continuing to try and make his life worse.

"I know, but I really want it to," he chuckled.

Juniper the tree nymph, Nico di Angelo, and a very old, very fat satyr.

"Somehow Percy's reality once again beats whatever we come up with," Jason looked mildly impressed indeed at this chaotic trio.

"Nico's back!" Will cheered.

"I will shove you in a vortex if you don't knock that off," Nico sighed.

"Do I get to pick the vortex?" Will asked mildly.

Nico considered him for a moment. "Sure."

"Fair deal!" Will beamed.

...He was only twelve, but he looked much older and sadder.

"Comes with the territory," Nico said promptly before any pitiful looks could come his way.

"Nico over here trying to be a minor god already," Jason rolled his eyes.

"King of the Ghosts wasn't good enough for him," Alex joined in. "Nooo, he needed to get the whole aesthetic down now of being God of the Ghosts."

"I didn't marry Melinoe," Nico rolled his eyes, "and even if I did, it doesn't work like that, we wouldn't share a domain."

Alex looked very much to argue his pointless point, but Jason decided not to let that escalate like the smart kid he was.

...he'd probably been traveling in all sorts of hellhound-friendly places.

"Somehow the most accurate observation Percy has ever made," Thalia nodded in surprise. "Including all the ones he made about Annabeth."

"And what do I get for finally being the one to deduce why Nico's such a restless spirit?" Percy chuckled.

Nico looked at him, unimpressed. "Nico not kicking your ass for that stupid conclusion I do what I do for a dog."

"True, bad form on my part," Percy nodded. "You don't even bring her actual treats. Poor form man."

... "Will someone—what is this underworld creature doing in my forest!"

"I wasn't out there to get her attention, but I would have been happy to," Will offered, but his tone was just a shade shy of being sarcastic for that old goat calling that 'his forest,' like she didn't have just as much a right to be in there.

"Yeah, yeah, you're a saint," Percy snorted, considering he had a pretty good feeling he did jack-all to call his dog off such a pompous old sot.

..."Sorry, Leneus," I said. "That's your name, right?"

"The fact that you remembered which is which," Annabeth said, clearly impressed.

"Frankly a miracle," Magnus nodded in surprise. "I don't remember any of their names, exactly how many times has he even spoken?"

"Once, if I recall right," Jason frowned.

"Once while being rude to Grover, it was more than enough," Percy scowled.

...His belly would've made him an invincible bumper car.

"Satyr bumper cars," Alex nodded, clearly already plotting a world tournament from those three words. "I see sponsorships and a lot of eating chairs in the future, not to mention the fights that would break out during the championships game."

"Jason can't organize them into a Pan searching machine anymore so Alex will turn them into the next WWE," Percy sighed. "Yeah, sure, can't go anywhere else."

...Don't tell me you've forgotten a member of the Council so quickly.

"The Council that did absolutely nothing for literal centuries while Pan was about a dozen feet underground in a maze where your best disgraced Satyr found him?" Thalia snorted.

"The same Council that did nothing but take away licenses and ruin kid's dreams?" Percy said deadpan. "That Council?"

"Nah, he must be talking about another one," Annabeth nodded with all the nonchalance one could have.

... She was pretty in a dryad-y way, with her purple gossamer dress and her elfish face,

Annabeth tried very hard, and failed miserably, to suppress a snort of amusement. At least now she knew to never put on a purple gossamer dress and worry about highlighting any elvish features she had.

... He wouldn't stay gone this long if he wasn't in trouble. I was hoping that Leneus—"

"She must be desperate to have come to him for help," Alex sounded more kind than disparaging, but still managed a little bit of both.

"Percy ran out of punch cards for saving his ass, someone banned him this time I guess," Magnus scratched awkwardly at his neck.

Annabeth gave the book a cold, dead kind of stare that freaked Percy out. She knew exactly how Juniper was feeling, she'd just got done living through it.

Percy sighed and sunk heavily into his seat. It's not like he wouldn't have gone looking for Grover...if he had the faintest clue where to start. It had given him an inkling of an idea how his best friend must have felt all those years, longing to be the one to find Pan but with no path that led to more questions. He was alive, it was just a feeling, that's all he'd had to go on.

"I told you!" the satyr protested. "You are better off without that traitor."

Thalia winced. "Man, it's a good thing you've got Nico there, he's got practice digging graves."

"If I didn't smash him to a pulp the first time we met, I suppose I wouldn't now," Percy mock quoted Heaphetus of all gods at a time like this. The pang in his heart didn't lead to much imagination why.

...Nico looked like he was trying to not crack up. "I'll walk the dog," he volunteered.

"I do notice Percy was making zero effort to control his wonderful pooch," Jason grinned.

"Why would I? She was doing such a good job speaking for me," Percy rolled his eyes.

..."You tried to vote him into exile, Chiron and Dionysus stopped you."

"Percy, with the important distinction for this chapter!" Will grinned.

"And boy was it deserved," Percy tried his hardest to smooth out his scowl to prevent drowning the east coast because of this annoying satyr.

"Bah! They are honorary Council members. It wasn't a proper vote."

"I cannot believe he actually said that out loud," Alex looked mildly impressed at this gumption.

"Let's see that defiance last when the first thing Mr. D does when he comes back is turn him into poke'," Thalia rolled her eyes.

"I'll tell Dionysus you said that."

"I never took you for a tattle-tale," Nico picked absently at his nails as he studied Percy in curiosity for that. He tried to keep his tone light, used a silly childish way to put it to make sure Percy knew Nico wasn't over here judging him...he wanted to stay on Percy's good side considering he didn't expect great results for what was fixing to happen.

"I hate bullies," Percy reminded, his voice remaining stiff no matter how much he didn't want it to. "If I can't put them in their place, someone can."

...Grover's a liar and good riddance. We're better off without him."

Percy's anger was swelling, his lips twitching into a true scowl. Grover had been out there risking his life for years while this fat lump sat around, and even now, he was more useless than the kids behind him in camp arguing about who was right!

"Where is Juniper's tanning stick? I need it to make a reappearance," Annabeth demanded in outrage for anyone talking about Grover like this.

...Looks like your Council hasn't been meeting lately."

It was an interesting observation nobody knew what to do with. Will would love to know more about this, but considering the council was now gone, he'd just have to hope Grover had an answer next time he came around.

..."They're just taking some time off to think. It's been a very unsettling year."

"Wow, I haven't seen that kind of head in the sand view since I watched the last presidential debate," Annabeth frowned. She had Percy's hand held tight in both of her own to stop him reaching for that pen again, the results being his fingers twitching like spiders in her grasp and it was seriously making her sick to her stomach even as she didn't let go.

"How long you think it takes that kind of thing to kick in for adults?" Percy asked, his voice as all over the place as his hand as he struggled to get a smile back for her. "I don't expect to live long enough for it to, but I'd like a reference for when the stupid takes over."

She really wanted to let go of his hand and slap him. A part of her recognized that's exactly what he expected to happen too. Instead she snipped, "idiots choose to be that way, stop trying to jump in early."

He grinned, a real one, and bobbed his head before turning back to the book, the shaking finally starting to slow.

...I've heard nothing. Perhaps he's dead." Juniper choked back a sob.

If Percy's temper didn't snap, somebody's was going to, Annabeth winced. It was a comforting feeling, to be surrounded by so many people who would absolutely not just stand there and let a tree-nymph choke on a sob without doing something about it, but at the same time, she didn't particularly want to know what Oceanus would do about it at this moment if any of them did.

... I didn't push him hard, but he was top-heavy...ran away with his belly jiggling.

Annabeth felt a flurry of heartbeats so strong she almost pushed Percy back away so he wouldn't panic at her having a heart attack. She'd seen him fight every monster and walk away with a cloud of dust as if it were nothing, but something of Percy standing up to someone who really was no threat to him, basically one step up from a mortal was something new. Putting him in the world and seeing him be a hero anywhere.

"Grover will never be accepted! He will die an outcast!"

"Not from the people who matter," Percy said in a scary calm voice. He knew all about not being accepted, and he'd never let Grover feel that way as long as he was around.

... "I'm sorry, Percy. I didn't mean to get you involved.

"I wish she'd come to me sooner," Percy sighed. He didn't really know Juniper that well, they hadn't all hung out together because it felt major league awkward double-date territory that neither he nor Annabeth ever wanted to acknowledge, and when it was just him and them he felt like an awkward third wheel even when they didn't do it on purpose holding hands while walking along camp.

He liked Juniper enough, he just never seemed to have time anymore to get to know her better while at camp. Maybe that could change, he glanced hopefully at Annabeth, holding his hand with a look of concentration on the book. When all of this was over, maybe they could go on that double date.

Leneus is still a lord of the Wild. You don't want to make an enemy of him."

Percy watched as they all threw their heads back and laughed with his own grin. Some of them probably thought it was as ridiculous as he did, calling Leneus an enemy when he had bigger gods to deal with, and the rest of them were probably just laughing at even the notion Percy could walk away from that without a new enemy.

"What's he going to do?" Alex managed to get his breath first. "Put you in air jail with that apple floating spell?"

"You think Zeus would consider that punishment enough he wouldn't smite me?" Percy sighed.

"Your luck would never be that good," Thalia scoffed.

"No problem," I said. "I've got worse enemies than overweight satyrs."

"Exactly what we were saying, glad we're all on the same page," Jason chuckled.

"You'd be terrible at this whole reading thing if we weren't," Percy smirked.

Jason considered ripping every page once he finished it and stuffing it in Percy's available piehole. Only for a brief moment.

... Judging from the trail of goat pellets, I'd say you shook him up pretty well."

"Mom always said my specialty was shaking all the ingredients together," Percy said with pride.

Annabeth smiled at the idea of Percy sitting on the counter at six years old, grinning as he handed his mother a perfectly blended together bowl with a tell-tell bit of chocolate on his lips.

..."Welcome back. Did you come by just to see Juniper?"

"Yes Percy, because Nico has always gone out of his way to say hi to Grover's girlfriend," Thalia shook her head at him.

"Better than saying get lost?" Percy offered.

"No," Will frowned.

"Have you tried having a conversation with him that isn't about the end of the world?" Magnus hinted.

Percy thought about it for a moment. "No, actually."

"First he'd have to get past his inability to hold a conversation," Annabeth smirked, Nico even snickering along to her bewilderment, but it was a nice expression to see on his face for a change.

... kind of, dropped in the middle of them." "He scared us to death!" Juniper said.

"Not literally," Nico insisted to nobody, trying to refrain from blushing again.

"Best get used to hearing that stupid phrase now Nico," Will rolled his eyes.

... she pleaded, putting her hand on his arm. "Anything at all?"

Nico's cheeks got even brighter red. "Uh, you bet. I'll keep my ears open."

"It is surely now his top priority case," Alex tried to nod as if this were a matter of the highest order.

"He is going to flee and never return if that girl doesn't stop touching him," Magnus said in understanding.

Nico just barely resisted the want to pull his jacket over his head to hide his continued blush. Gods beyond, he'd never even talked to a girl this long before dealing with Juniper and it had been every layer of awkward it was possible to be as he struggled to keep eye contact and having her so close. Percy had been right there and he wasn't sure what he was supposed to be feeling, so of course he'd just been getting beamed with a little bit of everything at once in joy- someone was asking for his help- confusion- girl? touching?! nothing...?

He sighed as he rested his head against Will's arm for a few extra moments. He wished he'd been friends with him at the time, but it was whatever now.

... There must be a simple reason why he hasn't contacted us."

"Nothing has ever been simple in your life, why would you lie to her like that?" Thalia frowned.

"Same reason I lied in that council meeting," Percy frowned. Sometimes people just needed to hear the lie even if they didn't believe it to get through another day.

...I know about dogs and trees. I'm gone!"...disappointed, she lumbered off to find another target,

"Awww," Jason couldn't help but laugh as he pictured her head hanging down with sorrow. "I can only imagine how hard it is for her to pee out there without constantly having nymphs shoo her away."

"She gets by peeing on the grass most days," Percy assured.

leaving Nico and me alone.

"Have I mentioned how good that dog's timing is?" Alex asked.

"Can I revoke my agreement?" Percy sighed.

"No," Will and Alex told him this time.

Nico smiled because he knew Percy was kidding around. He hoped Percy was kidding around. Was it just him or was the water getting a little colder in here as Percy kept studying him? Crap, what if it was just him and Percy figured out how to just trap him in a block of ice?

Well, he'd be taking Will's arm with him.

... They knit themselves together into a skeletal field mouse and scampered off.

"That was adorable," Alex instantly decided.

Nico grinned at him, ruffled his brow in concentration for a moment, and then several bits of skeleton began creeping out of the floor. In moments, a skeletal fish was swimming around them, gave a happy twirl once through Alex's massive hair, and then darted out the giant hole in the door.

Alex laughed in delight and Magnus didn't even scream while the others moved on as if this were an everyday occurrence.

"You've gotten so much better with your powers than even just a few months ago," Will said admiringly. He wished he could do something half as useful.

"Practice makes progress," Nico happily quoted back with a pleased smile. How was it possible he still got a warm flush every time Will met his eyes like that?

... never get used to this kid spending more time talking with the dead than the living.

Nico sighed. He'd never get used to the fact that Percy would see him as a forever kid when he'd probably traveled as much as Percy by now!

"We all have our own hobbies Percy," Alex rolled his eyes. Percy would probably think some of the people he hung out with on the streets were weirder than the gods.

"Yeah, I know," Percy promised. He really was trying not to glance awkwardly at Nico as much anymore, but moments like this where Nico didn't even deny the claim still kind of reinforced the idea Percy wasn't sure they'd ever really get along as friends.

... He figured you'd be beating yourself up, and he said you shouldn't."

"Beckendorf is just as wise in death as he was in life," Jason nodded solemnly.

"He will be missed," Percy murmured.

... Said he's waiting for someone. Not sure what he meant, but he seems okay with death."

Annabeth's hand tightened painfully around Percy's, it was the only thing to stop her falling to the floor. She'd spent the worst hours of her life wondering if she'd finally find Percy down in Elysium and how she'd ever move on from that place no matter what he told her.

... "I didn't mean to be spying on the Titans, but I was in the neighborhood."

"Doing what?"

"I assume you don't use the entrance at DOA much?" Thalia looked around at him in surprise, and suspicion. Exactly how long had he known about this other Camp?

"I came out of the Underworld in that general area," Nico said, but he managed to say it like such an evasive kid as he darted his eyes away then back it was almost like he wasn't even trying to hide the fact he was hiding something.

Thalia narrowed her eyes but let it be, for now, assuming it was in Percy's best interest.

Nico tugged at his sword belt. "Following a lead on, you know, my family."

All Will seemed to hear was how uncomfortable this was making Nico, and he muttered something gently to him. Thalia really hoped Will didn't see Nico as just an innocent kid being put on the spot though, he could be as devious as his father, he'd already proven that with how many secrets he held so well.

... After Bianca died and left Nico alone, he'd been obsessed with finding answers.

Jason read that line with a little too much intensity. Percy nearly had his whole life pieced back together and here Jason sat, with somehow more questions than ever with his stinking sister in the room and no clear memories of his own!

"Why on earth did you just mentally recap all that?" Annabeth chuckled into the ever-growing awkward silence.

"Don't look at me," Percy sighed. "These books are nuts. I don't have to actually remind myself once a day of everyone's backstory."

"Well that's a relief," Annabeth grinned with a tease. "Sometimes I worry about your ability to remember anything past where all the good snacks are hidden."

"I remembered you, didn't I?" Percy said casually.

Annabeth just rolled her eyes, and it occurred to Thalia she hadn't yet told her sister that the first thing Percy asked when they were thrown in here was where Annabeth was, if Thalia knew her. Percy had known her before he'd even had his own mother's name given back to him. It truly was a sickeningly sweet thing how badly he loved her, so much so even Artimes might begrudgingly admire Annabeth's stance to never give him up.

..."What's the lead?"

Nico chewed his lip. "That's not important right now. You know why I'm here."

"I think I'd rather talk about you right now," Percy groaned, trying not to shield his gut from impact of what could be coming. He didn't imagine the end of that story would go better than Nico's but he was all for avoiding it anyways. "What's up with these leads, how can I help?"

Nico gave him an impressed look. He knew full well Percy was either joking now, or just trying to change the subject off his curse. He couldn't really blame him, what kind of living hell it must be to have the answer living in the same skull that refused to let you hear it without it hurting? But that didn't mean he wanted his own problems on display either. It would go worse.

...show up occasionally and press me for an answer, but I kept putting him off.

Jason winced a little more with each word he'd said in that paragraph. It had been obvious from the start Nico and Percy weren't the closest, too much bad blood from the moment Percy had come back without his sister, but whatever this plan was Jason had faith it was a good one. That Nico only had Percy's best interests to help after everything that happened in the Labyrinth.

He couldn't help but wonder if anyone else had been suggesting this plan if Percy already would have done it.

... Most of the Titans are unleashed and on their side. Maybe it's time to think extreme."

Annabeth bit at her lip and went back and forth pointlessly over how good an argument that was. This had already been done, her input at the time could have changed the course of history if she'd tried to caution Percy against this even agreeing extreme had likely saved them all, but it didn't make her feel better she hadn't been consulted by Percy with this.

...This comes down to you and Luke. And there's only one way you can beat Luke."

Percy wondered how long Nico had known. He'd never told Nico anything, like Luke's fall from the side of a mountain, or the way he seemed to glow with power on the Princess Andromeda, which meant Nico must have come to his own conclusions over time. From spying on Luke and Kronos? From ghosts?

Then, how long had it taken him to find out the process, to be confident enough to share with Percy this mad plan? He was way too confident in all this when a year ago he'd been fooled by Minos for Percy to really have faith in this plan.

...I wondered how Nico had heard the prophecy. Probably from some ghost.

"Why do you always assume it's ghosts?" Nico sighed. "I know gods too." In this case his dad had told him, one of his many comments about how Nico had a lot to live up to let him put the pieces together.

...Nico had a strange, hungry light in his eyes. "You can become invincible."

He was always so strong and powerful, from the moment Nico had met him he'd sensed something in Percy he'd thought for so long he could live up to and be a part of.

He knew now that had been childish, wishful thinking. He couldn't 'sense' Percy was also a child of the Big Three, and they were virtually nothing alike.

He was still sure it had all been worth it, even if Percy never fully trusted him again because of the price. They were all alive, Will's home was intact and, you know, the planet too.

"Maybe we should wait. Try to fight without—"

"No!" Nico snarled. "It has to be now!"

"Temper, temper," Magnus frowned. He wasn't actually afraid of the guy, but he obviously had some anger that ran deep that was best not coming out on Percy, the guy who could fling Nico across the state by accident if provoked.

Nico didn't answer. Not to laugh, not to blush, not even to look embarrassed or angry now. He was just growing a little bit more pale every page and clutching his sword a little tighter.

Oh. Well that wasn't going to go great.

...I hadn't seen his temper flare like that in a long time. "You sure you're okay?"

Will's leg jiggled around, jostling Nico and generally disrupting his moody silence. He knew Will wanted to ask, wanted to help, but even now after all this he was still pretty sure Will wasn't going to just let slide what he'd done to Percy.

...my sister gave her life to protect you. Honor that. Do everything to defeat Kronos."

A part of Nico had honestly meant that. Bianca had wanted to do good in the world, he had vague memories of her cooking and smiling, offering the spoon to everyone who passed to share. She'd joined the Hunters not just to get away from him but to find a cause for herself.

The other part of him was starting to sweat and nearly gave the game up with trying not to wince at pulling such a card, doing anything to get what he wanted out of this deal even if it had been for a good reason.

I didn't like the idea. Then I thought about Annabeth calling me a coward, and I got angry.

Annabeth sighed, her hand slipping out of his so she could run it through her hair. Oh yes, what a great contribution to saving the world! Making the hero impulsively angry at you!

Percy watched her, his hand feeling empty, his chest feeling cold. What if that had been the last thing she said to him? He didn't want her to be more sorry about the enormous guilt of the last words they'd said to each other over being alive.

..."All right," I decided. His cold creepy smile made me sorry I'd agreed.

That had quite literally been the best thing Percy had ever said to him. No possible hidden meanings, no begrudging talking to him. Percy had just agreed with his idea! And he was supposed to learn more about his past from this! It had probably been one of the happiest moments of his life before Will kissed him.

And Percy had called his smile creepy. Yeah, he scolded his brain. Really the guy you should keep crushing on!

His brain didn't respond.

...retrace Luke's steps. We need to know more about his past, his childhood."

"You don't, know how he did it?" Jason asked in concern, Nico had been apparently bugging Percy about this for months and didn't know all the steps?

Nico hesitated answering, and then lowered his voice so only he could hear, "it was important to replicate the steps Luke did, just to be sure. Trust me."

Jason nodded like that was that, and Nico savored that feeling while he had it. That old joke about tying him up and throwing him in the bathroom might still come to pass when they all found out what he'd actually done to Percy.

Alex and Magnus looked on, jealous they didn't get to hear the answer, while the other three exchanged weary looks like Nico was planning world domination and trying to leave them out.

..."I've already tracked down his mother. She lives in Connecticut."

Of course Luke had a mother, Magnus nodded to the tiny pit in his stomach without surprise. Hearing that he'd grown up on the streets, he knew quite well not to just assume the mother was dead. No, the question was, what had been the breaking point to drive Luke away? Had she been an over-controlling, gaslighting nightmare? Had she just not cared and probably not noticed for weeks? Abuse? Some mental problem she couldn't control but the kid couldn't be around anymore? He'd heard it all and more.

... I'd never thought about Luke's mortal parent. I'd met his dad, but his mom...

A lump formed in Percy's throat. He somehow instantly knew he didn't want this memory to continue. That he'd rather go hunt down Annabeth and have her call him a coward a dozen more times. Luke's mother...April? No, but the memory was tantalizingly close to the surface, and clinging to stay where it was.

... made me wonder what was wrong with her. What kind of horrible person could she be?

Annabeth and Thalia glanced at each other and quickly away. Annabeth had been too young to really understand at the time, and they hadn't talked about it after they left. She wasn't looking forward to hearing what her young mind hadn't been able to grasp about what felt wrong about that place, like there was a monster lurking in every stacked Tupperware container.

Thalia was just, tired of this. Annabeth got Percy back, that was the goal going into this. Now that it had been fulfilled, she wanted to stuff this book in a blender and move on. She wanted to hear about Jason's life, she wanted to get out of this stinking underwater prison! Instead she was stuck here in memory lane, her back aching from sitting so much, her heart slowly dripping into a puddle at being force-fed every word of Luke's life a second time.

...He whistled, and Mrs. O'Leary came loping out of the woods.

"Your dog can shadow travel!" Alex gasped in excitement.

"News to me," Percy said with an uneasy smile in place. Apparently he wasn't going to be very good at directions and Alex might just throttle him if he ran her into too many trees before figuring out which one would make them disappear into a black void of possibly no return.

Nico managed it easily enough though, and he trusted his dog to not get them lost. More like a dozen pit stops on the way to sniff everything.

He hoped nobody would be looking for him any time soon.

...Mrs. O'Leary was certainly big enough. I climbed onto her back and held her collar.

Percy was used to riding Blackjack by now, the way his legs spread uncomfortably over the massive body and riding on a heartbeat with attached lungs, their circulatory system driving them to powerful feats even his half-blood legs couldn't dream of. How warm she was just like his horse, feeling every twitch of her body along her spine as she shifted her weight beneath him, being so high off the ground he felt like he could touch the sky and not get struck by lightning for it.

Percy's heart started thudding, but he recognized it as excitement for once in this crazy mess as he sat forward in his seat. Annabeth was still sitting smushed up in hers, arms crossed and clearly not looking forward to a word of this, but he couldn't help the crazy grin splitting his face at what was going to come next.

... creatures of the Underworld can use it as a road, or a door."

Percy remembered Thalia saying something similar trying to explain why demigods had such crazy dreams. It didn't make much more sense coming out of Nico's mouth.

He glanced at Annabeth, wishing she'd volunteer how to explain this, but he was pretty sure he wouldn't get the answer any better. He just liked watching her mouth move more.

... Tell her Westport, the home of May Castellan." "You're not coming?"

The idea of climbing up there had been like molten lava pouring into Nico's body. His vision had doubled painfully of what could be worse. Climbing behind Percy, trying to put his hands on his waist- trying to climb in front of Percy and his arms-

Nope. Just. Better to go his own way. As usual.

...Just before we hit, we passed into shadows as cold as the dark side of the moon.

Magnus sighed as Jason looked up and around and he was up next. Of course he'd get one where he'd spend the entire chapter empathizing with the psychopath who continued to ruin Annabeth and Peryc's life. He would have much rather passed this on and spent the time watching Alex make faces, which was a lot harder to do with the book up his nose.

He shook his head and got up though. Every kid deserved to have their story told, and Luke wasn't here to do it. They knew Luke's side, the guy who claimed the gods didn't care and he would rather watch the world burn than try like Percy did.

Time to see who had a hand in putting that mindset there.

[sxveme-2]

blueberry pancakes // bucky barnes

MASTERLIST

Description: A single mother. Juggling being a mom, a full time pediatrician, and a difficult ex who believed now would be the best time to finally be a father. A soldier ripped out of time. Ex-assassin turned superhero. Learning how to balance a new domestic life with handling demons of his past, while facing the trials of the future. a love story began over something as simple as chocolate chip pancakes with hidden blueberries.

Disclaimer: I do not own any original Marvel characters! All canon plots and canon characters belong to Marvel Comics and Marvel Studios. This is an original work. You may not publish it anywhere else

Status: Unedited

Note: Takes place after endgame. I have elected to ignore Tony's death and Steve's leaving. Did not happen. Quick Reminder! My works are only published here, AO3 and on Wattpad, thank you.

Chapter Twenty Three: The One When They're Alone

Warnings: N/A

Word Count: 4040

     Lily knew was never a huge fan of Christmas. The only reason she put the amount of effort she did into it was for Hunter. He loved the holiday. As a child, it was usually one of the only days that his father would be home the whole day. But it was one of Lily's least favourites, because her parents weren't typically home for Christmas. Usually, Lily and her siblings would find themselves up at their grandparents. She wasn't complaining, she loved her grandparents, and she knew her parents wanted to be home, but their work was essentially them constantly travelling. And then further in her future, Scott may have been there for Hunter, but he was not there for Lily. He was seemingly at his worst during the holidays...and she just happened to be the one on the receiving end of his anger.

Lily hadn't seen Bucky get angry yet. It sat in the back of her mind like a looming threat, and she wondered if the past few months had simply been a facade. That in reality, he was no different. Did she think it was true? No, no she didn't think he would ever hurt her. But she had suffered such trauma from Scott that she just...she was never too sure.

"Your turn, doll," Bucky smiled, picking up two boxes that were very clearly wrapped by Rose, seeing as the girl was sending a knowing nod at her older sister, "Yeah yeah Rose wrapped them, my attempt was sad."

Lily laughed and kissed the man's cheek before turning to his presents that sat in her lap. She picked up the first one, it was long and rectangular, not too large either. Raising her eyebrow, she carefully unwrapped the box, revealing a lovely leather case with her name scripted on the top of it. Looking over at him, she pursed her lips before lifting the black lid, feeling the tears prick at her forest green eyes. She stared down at the silver necklace, running her hands over the scripted letter that hung from the chain. It was a small pendant, simple and discreet. But it was something that made Lily's heart grow three times its size. A simple B hung from the chain.

"Buck..." she whispered, looking up at him with glazed and teary eyes, "It's lovely." she cooed, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to his lips before lifting it from the white pillow it rested on.

"Let me." Bucky chuckled, taking the piece of jewelry and moving her blonde hair across her shoulder. She turned her back to him and shivered at his metal hand brushing against the back of her neck as he clasped the necklace together.

"Alright open the other one." Gen said excitedly, earning a head tilt from the blonde. Bucky chuckled lowly from behind her and Lily readjusted herself in her seat, carefully unwrapping the next box.

As she opened the lid of the next box, her confusion only grew. Inside the box laid a single white envelope with her name written. Reaching in and pulling out the box, Lily furrowed her eyebrows. Opening the envelope, her heart only continued to grow. Inside sat a picture of a cabin, covered in snow and decorated with lovely garland. The cabin was built of logs, and had a fire burning on the inside. The snow was so perfectly landscaped it almost seemed fake, but she knew it was just a picturesque image taken to lure people in for what she figured would be a vacation. In the bottom, a handwritten note was written out in Bucky's hand writing, with a simple few words summing up exactly what it was.

"Just the two of us." He repeated aloud, hand resting on the small of her back, tracing gentle patterns, "It's Steve's cabin. Y'know with him retired now, he doesn't exactly have a lot to do. But he said it's ours for as long as we want it." he continued, resting his chin on her shoulder.

"It's perfect, Buck," she whispered, a gentle chuckle lacing her voice as she turned and placed a kiss to his forehead, "Absolutely perfect."

-----

And it was. Bucky and Lily had decided to take Steve up on his offer the weekend of Valentine's Day. The couple had reached three months together officially, and she figured it would be nice for them to experience the romantic weekend alone together. No kids, no sisters, no work, no distractions. Bucky had promised her that there would be no interruptions, and that it was just going to be the two of them. He made an emphasis on the whole 'no work' part, and Lily would be sure to hold him to it.

Turning off the car, Bucky turned to look at Lily with a kind and loving smile on his face, "Alright doll, we've arrived."

Lily glanced out the window and smiled at the snowy landscape. It was February so the cold wasn't unbearable, but it wasn't exactly a comfortable temperature either. Lily was a Long Island native, so Northern New York weather wasn't exactly her favourite thing. It dipped down quite low and she would have to estimate it sat at about minus ten celsius currently. Either way, she was just grateful for the time alone with Bucky. It had felt like ages since the two didn't have something going on around them. Whether it be Bucky's work, or Lily's. Not to mention, Rose was nearing her due date and constantly stressed about the arrival of her baby, while also finding somewhere to live that wasn't Lily's.

"That drive felt like hours," Lily teased, leaning over and nudging Bucky's arm, "I'm just glad you didn't fall asleep on me old man." she quipped, popping open her door and stepping out from the car.

"You have been hanging out with Sam way too much," Bucky chuckled, following the blondes suit, "You're starting to sound like him."

"Well the man is a comedic genius, I should be taking pointers." She hummed, picking up her bag from the back seat and hauling it over her shoulder, rounding the car to meet Bucky.

"Don't tell him that, it'll inflate his ego even bigger than it is." Bucky chuckled, walking over and quickly grabbing her by the waist.

The blonde let out a bright laugh, curling over in his arms and stumbling along the snow. Bucky's chuckle filled her ears like a sweet song as the two stumbled back towards the log cabin belonging to their friend. His lips found her cheek and peppered loving pecks along it, causing her giggles to evolve into small squeaks as she fumbled to pull out the keys. When she found them, it didn't take long for the blonde to unlock the door and peel herself from the supersoldiers arms. Dropping her bag and tugging the grey knit hat off of her hair, Lily turned to look back at the man who stood in front of the door. Placing her hands on her hips, she admired him for a moment. Nothing was on her mind. Just him.

The way his eyes sunk a bit deeper into his face due to the years of struggle and trauma. The way he had let his beard grow out a bit, not fully a beard but a thicker stubble. Were his shoulders always so broad? Lily admired the way his arm flexed when he removed his own hat, swallowing deeply. But the biggest thing that stood out to her was the way he looked at her. That deep thought sort of gaze, as if he were doing the same thing she was. Admiring everything about the other. No exterior factors playing any games, just the two of them. Alone. He looked at her so lovingly, watching her every move intently and studying the way she acted. He was so in tune with everything about Lily that she began to blush, and he was merely looking at her, neither had spoken.

"What're you staring at, Barnes?" she quipped, raising an eyebrow.

"Nothin', Osborne." he retorted, closing the door and sliding his jacket off before turning back towards her, a smirk evident on his lips.

Pursing her lips into a smile, Lily ran forward and jumped up onto the man, wrapping her legs around his torso. Her arms snuck around his neck, while his found underneath her thighs. Their lips hovered mere centimetres from the others, breathing in the others' existence before finally connecting. It was cheesy and cliche but she felt fireworks deep within her stomach. The two moved together like ocean waves joining together, creating a large body of water. Lily's hands tangled themselves into the short strands on the top of his head and Bucky stumbled his way to the couch. He bent over and laid her gently on the leather couch. She hummed softly at the feeling of a yarn blanket tickling at her neck as he hovered above her. Both of their faces were flushed from the cold outside and the passionate moment they had just shared. Bucky's steel blue eyes stared down at her and he reached over the couch. Furrowing her eyebrows, Lily watched as he pulled out a black old fashioned camera.

"Surprised you know how to work one of those things, old man." she teased, covering her face with her chilled hands.

"Oh don't get smart with me now, doll," he purred, moving her hands with his metal one, "you'll regret it later." the man winked, quickly snapping a photo of the woman before tossing the camera onto the table.

"Is that a threat or a promise." Lily returned, a smirk evident on her lips.

"Well...I did tell Steve he'll probably want to hire a deep cleaning service after we're done." He chuckled, resting his weight on his heels.

"James Barnes!"

-----

Lily hummed gently to herself to the song that played through the small kitchen in the cabin. Saving All My Love For You by Whitney Houston was her background noise of choice as she put together a romantic dinner for her and Bucky to commemorate their first night there. The lyrics left her mouth in a soft tone as she chopped up cucumbers for the salad, her hips swaying gently to the music. Bucky had stepped out to the grocery store in town to pick up a few things they had left back at the house, and Lily wanted to surprise him. She had packed a dress that her and Gen had found at a vintage shop in Manhattan, it was 40's inspired, with a deep forest green colour, a bow at the collar with a keyhole that exposed a bit of her collarbone, and hit just below her knee. It had short sleeves, and made her feel like she should be on the dance floor of The Cotton Club in Harlem during the 1940's. She had attempted the classic pin curls of the time but...they were subpar.

Glancing behind her, Lily stirred the marinara sauce as the chicken baked in the oven. But the lights of the car made her stomach drop. She was hoping the snow would slow him down enough for her to finish dinner and have it ready for him when he got home. Pouting to herself, Lily returned to her chopping. Well, as much as she wanted her plan to fully execute itself, she tried her best. Not to mention, he had shown himself to be a fast driver. Her voice continued to sing out the lyrics to Whitney, as she checked on the chicken. She popped her head up briefly when she heard the crunching of snow grow closer to the door. She stood, and brushed off the soft dress she wore as she waited.

"The snow is crazy, doll, I swear," Bucky's voice called, "but I got the snacks you wanted. I also rented a few movi- woah."

A blush flooded the blonde's face as she locked eyes with the man across from her. He was covered in snow and carrying four different grocery bags. But they fell from his fists as he stared at her longer. Insecurities washed over Lily at his silence and she crossed her arms over her stomach, that familiar queasy feeling returning. Her eyes shifted to stare down at her feet as she shuffled on the hardwood floor, waiting for him to say something, or anything at that.

She didn't even hear him take off his jacket, his boots, or anything. She didn't even hear him walk over to her. But she did feel the way his arms slipped around her waist, hands playing along her stomach as the music changed into the 40's love songs she had put in the queue. The gentle sounds of guitar played as Aubrey Hepburn's melodic tone filled the kitchen. Moon River began to play, and Bucky nuzzled his face into the crook of Lily's neck. Her eyes fluttered shut as he swayed behind her, his grip moving her with him. The food long forgotten about, Lily turned to face him, arms wrapping around his neck. Their foreheads met one anothers, eyes shut as they continued to sway back and forth in the kitchen. With the snow falling outside, and the delectable smells filling the cabin, Lily felt like she was in a dream. Any worry she had ever felt leaving her as the moment consumed her.

His lips ghosted hers as the song came to an end, but his grip didn't waver. The two continued with their dance, seconds turning to minutes as time seemed to cease to exist. The only thing both felt was the bodies of each other. His hands gripping her waist, rubbing circles through the silky material of her dress. The smoky musk of him filling her senses acting as though it were a drug, sending her into a state of euphoria. She knew they weren't a conventional couple, but it were these moments that reminded her that they could be. The couple that went on walks on the beach, or walked the dog through central park. Or danced in the kitchen at 3 in the morning. Went on ice cream dates, with or without Hunter. Spent time talking and telling the other just what went on in their heads. Growing together as separate people with a shared love.

But the fire alarm pulled her back from her daydreams, and reality smacked Lily in the face.

"Oh my god the chicken!" She exclaimed, pulling away from Bucky's strong grip as she grabbed her oven mitts and pulled open the oven, a puff of smoke wafting into her face.

Bucky laughed gently as Lily scrambled around, trying to salvage the rest of the meal she had planned. When she saw the sauce and chicken however, her heart sunk down to the floor. Groaning, the blonde placed her elbows on the counter and her face in her hands. She shook her head and felt the heartbreak spread through her at her failed evening attempt.

"If it makes you feel better," Bucky cooed, lifting his girlfriends chin to look at him, "I bought your favourite pizza, and rented your favourite movie...and just so happened to pick up your favourite ice cream," he grinned, wiggling his eyebrows, "and as hot as you look in this dress...why don't we just get into pyjamas and watch a few movies and veg out."

Lily smiled sadly at him and nodded, "I like that plan. I should have known that trying to cook alone would be a disaster."

"I give it an A for effort."

"Oh whatever, metal man."

-----

Lily groaned as she stretched her arms above her head, before rubbing the heel of her hand into her eyes. Peeling the lids apart, the bright sun sent a shock through her system. Collecting her barings, Lily realized her and Bucky had fallen asleep on the couch. She had to admit, it was a pretty comfy couch. It was made of leather and had deep sides with the tufted coverings, and small cashmere blankets that were not at all big enough to cover anyone. But the two had grabbed a few spare from the closet before they settled in for their movie night. Glancing down, Bucky's head rested on her stomach, the man still sound asleep. She admired the calmness in his face, the stress lines faded and smoothed out as he rested. Reaching behind her, she grabbed ahold of the camera he had brought and quickly snapped a photo, admiring his gentle snores. She ran her fingers through his hair and tilted her head to the side. Lily had known Bucky was handsome, hell, the first time she saw him she knew it.

He had chiseled cheekbones, a sharp jawline that was covered with stubble. His cheeks hollowed slightly, and his eyes creased at the edges. His nose was straight with a slight bump to it, and it fit his face shape perfectly. His eyes were hooded and even closed, held stories that she couldn't imagine. While asleep, they were less noticeable, but there were creases in the centre of his forehead, and Lily's stomach did a flip. His breathing was still that of a deep sleep, and she couldn't help but trace the contours of his face. The aged lines that each told a tale of his life. The rough patches of hair that prickled at the blonde's still hands as she continued to admire him.

Moments later, he began to stir from between her legs, causing Lily to giggle slightly as his nose scrunched. His eyes seemed to force themselves open at the noise, and the same feeling she got from the bright light seemed to hit Bucky as well. Her soft coos caused a groan to emit from the man's throat as he burrowed his face deeper into her stomach, pulling the blankets further over them both. Shaking her head, Lily pulled herself up from underneath the large man, or at least tried to. His weight was on a certain part of her body that just held her in one place. Throwing her head back, Lily shook her head before looking back down at him.

"Buck, c'mon, let's get up." She sighed, ruffling the messy curls on his head.

"Five more minutes." He whined, pulling her closer by her hips.

"No. I'm a mother, I know what five more minutes means," she laughed, "and we are not spending all day on the couch. Lets go skate on the lake today, love."

Bucky shot up, eyes wide at her request, "No. No, I refuse."

Furrowing her eyebrows, Lily crossed her slightly cramped legs, "...and why do you refuse, Mr. Barnes?"

Bucky scratched the back of his neck as he avoided the intense gaze that Lily was sending his way. Lowering her eyes, the blonde crawled forward and took his face into her hands. They locked eyes and for a moment, she thought about kissing him. But she figured it would be better to figure out why he was so against going skating. Then it clicked, and she realized just why he was so against it. Pursing her lips to keep from smiling, Lily leaned back onto her heels.

"Bucky...do you not know how to skate?" She wondered, cocking an eyebrow at him.

"...Do not tell Steve or Sam they will be on my ass about it." Bucky quickly said, taking his girlfriends hands into his own.

"I won't, I won't, but I'm invoking the 'It's Valentine's Day' card. Because it's Valentines Day, and it will be romantic," she grinned, tucking a stray hair behind her ear, "plus, I'll teach you how to skate. It's not that hard I promise. I saw they have skates down at the lake so c'mon, gotta get a good pair."

"You're gonna be the death of me, doll."

"That's what I'm here for."

-----

He wasn't lying when he said he didn't know how to skate. Lily skated gracefully out onto the ice, waiting for Bucky to lace up his skates. It had been a while since she had skated, seeing as it wasn't something she did commonly. She used to go all the time with Gen back in Long Island when they were younger, but eventually they stopped. But her muscle memory kicked in as she twirled and skated around the ice. She dodged children and couples as she warmed up her body. Only to spot Bucky hesitantly staring at the ice in front of him. Lily made her way back towards him, stretching her mitt covered hand out towards him.

"It's not going to bite, Buck," Lily smiled softly, moving a bit closer, "C'mon. I'll be here the whole time." she reassured, gripping his hand as he curled it into hers.

The moment he stepped onto the ice, both ended up falling. Him from a lack of balance, and her from the fact he fell. Bucky groaned while Lily laughed, pushing herself off the ground and placing her hands on her hips. He had flopped his arms out and let his head fall against the ice, a clearly forced pained look on his features. Rolling her eyes, Lily gripped his hand and yanked, attempting to pull him back up onto his feet. The thing is, he was a supersoldier, she was a doctor. She had strength, hell, she pushed out a child. But you see, Bucky was, once again, a supersoldier. Dropping his arm, and crossing her own over her chest, Lily glared down at him.

"I won't cook dinner for a week if you don't help me get you up." Lily threatened, arching her brow.

Opening his eyes, Bucky mirrored her expression, "Is that a threat or a promise?" He teased, resulting in a handful of snow to be thrown at him. A low laugh escaped from his chest as Bucky heaved himself up, gripping onto Lily for support.

"Wow you're such a comedian." She quipped, rolling her eyes and gripping onto his forearms.

The two skated for a few hours. Two to be exact. Bucky had essentially latched onto Lily's waist the entire time. She skated around, dragging him behind her as he bent over and hugged himself to her back, arms tightly wound around her waist. At one point, he did let go and try to stand on his own. He lasted about...five minutes. After that, Lily had to offer her back as support for the poor man so he didn't go tumbling face first into the ice. The entire time was spent laughing and stumbling, as well as Lily trying her hardest to just get him to stand. Sadly, she didn't have much luck. He continued to grip onto her even when they were heading back towards the edge to leave and take off their skates. It was endearing, but Lily had hoped to get somewhere with it. Still, she had a good time. And seeing The Winter Soldier be genuinely afraid to fall made Lily's heart swell. Seeing that more vulnerable side of him made Lily sure they were moving in a good direction in their relationship.

As the two neared the cabin, Lily saw a familiar car parked on the road across from where they were staring. She didn't think too much of it as they walked into the cabin, ridding of their coats and winter gear they had layered on, to face the bone chilling cold that had taken over the outdoors. Both then dropped onto the couch with cups of tea and coffee, Lily had the tea, and Bucky the coffee. His arm draped around her, drawing patterns into her knit sweater covered arm.

But the peace didn't last long.

A knock on the door surprised Lily and Bucky. They both stopped talking about their ideal vacations, and turned to look at the door. Lily placed her tea down and stood to her feet, making her way over towards the wooden piece. Her eyebrows were furrowed and she glanced over at Bucky before she pulled the door open. Her jaw went slack and mind went blank when she saw the person. Because she knew the reason he would be here.

"Hey Lily...is Bucky here?"

[alliterative-albatross]

So, I sent you (@disgruntledspacedad) a pretty long ask a while ago (back when you had anon on) and I'm decently sure Tumblr ate it (or maybe you ignored it, in which case, feel free to ignore this one as well). But then I saw one of those "writers appreciate feedback no matter how long" posts, so I'm back here. Here is my mediocre attempt to rewrite my original review of your work. Bear in mind that English is not my first language, so if at any point my phrasing sounds weird to you, you know why. Mandatory disclaimer/apology: this might get a little too long 😅

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

I remember being SO mad at myself for not finding this sooner. I binge read it one afternoon with no thoughts for any real life responsibilities I might have had (and no regrets). Javiears is one hell of an unconventional relationship in the beginning, and I really love what you did with them. The whole premise of your story is quite refreshing, and you somehow manage to convey the trust and mutual respect there two feel for one another without explicitly showing us the beginning of their "entanglement".

Also, fuck you for what you did to poor Emilio, that man was a saint and he deserved better! I honestly can't believe that I got so attached to a character that appeared so little in the story, but it happened, and his death kind of broke my heart.

But the Javiears reunion + mild confession was lovely, and felt completely deserved. And of course the sex scene. I won't lie, I expected a bit better from Javi there, but I did like how utterly /human/ it was. Capturing that humanity, the imperfections in each character is something you're really good at (more on that later).

AFTERSHOCKS

Ah, my emotionally constipated babies who really need to work out their communication issues. I do love them, though. And this short series did a really good job of delving a bit deeper into Ears's and Javi's psyche. Kudos to you for dealing with the medical "aftershocks" of living through an explosion AND using that experience to move your emotional plot forward. These two need to grow a lot before they can get to a stable point in their relationship, and you really manage to convey their insecurity and fear of commitment/intimacy while making it clear that they're in it for the long run and that theirs is a relationship that WILL work out so help them God.

IF I FALL

Ouch. Punch me in the gut while you're at it, why don't you?

But seriously, "If I Fall" is SO FUCKING GOOD. Don't get me wrong, it's angstier than an image of Jesus on the cross (don't judge me, it's Holy Week and I just got home from accompanying my grandma to church), but it somehow works beautifully. You, my dear, play heartstrings like they're a fucking guitar and I AM HERE FOR IT.

You're doing an amazing job at making me feel everything these characters are feeling, which is both awful (bc pain) and impressive.

Also, if anything happens to Ana I will cry, because she is adorable and wonderful and has suffered way too much already and really deserves a break and some cookies.

Also also, if anything happens to Ears I will cry, because she is badass and wonderful and has suffered way too much already and really deserves a break and some cookies.

Also also also, if anything happens to Javi I will cry, because he is loving and wonderful and has suffered way too much already and really deserves a break and some cookies.

Basically, I am really invested in the well-being of these characters and can't wait until they're happy and safe again (please tell me they will be, my heart can't handle much more pain).

A quick note on the angst complaints: yes, this story is way angstier than most other fics out there and it can be a bit too much at times, especially considering how many chapters of pain it's been. BUT it's obvious that "If I Fall" NEEDS this amount of angst to get where it's going, to send the message it wants to and to properly develop its characters. The pain is as important to this story as flour is to bread. You may not like eating flour on its own (I don't think anyone does), but you love bread (because bread is amazing) and you must recognize that bread NEEDS flour to work. It wouldn't be bread otherwise. And eating the flour as part of the bread even makes you like the flour because the bread is just DELICIOUS.

I fully understand and sympathize with the people who have elected to table "If I Fall" until it's completed so they can binge read it knowing there's a happy ending in sight, but in case you're feeling a bit self conscious about all the angst, please know that your story is beautiful not in spite of the pain, but rather /because of it/.

PS: No, I'm not high/drunk, I just really like bread

AUTHOR'S NOTES

Silly thing to comment on, I know, but I do feel like it's important that you know how useful your ANs have been. There are many details in the story that I simply wouldn't fully get without reading your comments at the end of each chapter, and I appreciate your writing a hell of a lot more knowing how deeply you understand and care for each one of your characters. Plus, it is obvious how much work you've put into researching a country and a time period that are (from what I gather) unfamiliar to you, and I really do believe you've done an amazing job of it.

JAVIER PEÑA

My boy. I love your characterization of this complicated character, and I have eagerly read each and every one of your headcanons about him. I can't really say if your version is fully faithful to the source material because it's been a while since I saw Narcos, but your Javi most definitely reads like a real person. He's fairly consistent as a character, and I feel like everything he does is perfectly natural for him to do as a character. He makes for an unconventional yet deeply interesting romantic lead, and so far I have thoroughly enjoyed all his POV chapters/scenes.

OCs

I know you've gotten some flack for making her into an OC halfway into the story, and while I get why the sudden change may have felt like a disappointment for some, I don't share that sentiment. I firmly believe that this fandom is unfairly harsh towards Original Characters and their creators, and I don't really understand why. Listen, I love Reader fics, and consume many Reader fics. I have read dozens, maybe even hundreds, and I can safely say that I've only ever "inserted" myself in approximately 10% of those stories. Reader characters are not as blank as their writers may want them to be. They can't be. They're characters, and character have personalities and moral values and senses of humor and a bunch of other things. Reader characters may not have a backstory or a physical description attached (and even that's not guaranteed), but they're still characters.

And on a more personal note, pretending they're actual blank slates is naive at best and insensitive at worst. Reader characters are American coded 99% of the time, and white coded 95% of the time. Not every readers is white nor American, even if that's the predominant demographic on Tumblr. When I read a JavixReader fic about a woman who speaks exactly zero Spanish, I know she's not me. The story may be beautifully written and have an amazing plot and character development, but the Reader *isn't me*. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, and some of my favorite xReader stories feature a "reader" who couldn't be more different from me, but it's something that enemies of OC fics should take into account. Particularly if they are white and/or American. But I digress.

HANNAH AARONS

Your character is amazing. She's strong, smart, confident, independent and an all-around badass. She gets kidnapped while pregnant and still focuses on problem solving and survival. But she's also overly guarded and mistrustful, and really needs to work on her communication skills. There are times when I absolutely love her and even admire her, and other times when I want to whack her with a slipper. She's no Mary Sue, but remains interesting and likeable throughout the story. She feels wholly human and real, and that's no easy task. I like her, I am invested in her, and I can't wait to see what's next for her. She's a compelling and three dimensional protagonist in a complex story who never fails to draw me in. I love her. She's your baby, and you should be proud of her.

Also, quick question about personality types: I know you've typed Javi as ESFP and Ears as ENTP (100% agree on both, btw), but have you given any thought to their enneagram types? I personally have always seen Ears as being somewhere on the thinking triad, maybe a 7 or even a 6w7, but I'm not too sure about Javi. 9w8 maybe? He could also be a 6w5 🤔

PARTING THOUGHTS

Basically, I love your story, your characters and your writing in general. You are a fantastic storyteller and wordsmith. You get into the heads of incredibly different characters personality-wise (Ears, Javi, Berna...) and manage to capture all of their complexities and quirks every single time. And it doesn't feel like it's something innate for you either. To me, it seems that you have put a lot of work and effort into understanding each and every one of your characters, who they are, why they do what they do and what they want. And let me tell you, all that effort has been more than worth it. "Better Love" is a fanfic, but it wouldn't be out of place in a regular bookstore, if I'm honest. I don't know what you do for a living or if you've ever considered writing professionally, but you clearly have the skills and the drive to create some masterpieces.

You are amazing and your writing is a gift. Thank you for sharing it with us, and have a nice day! ~ 🍪

~

My friend, I apologize for hoarding your first ask. I’ve been sitting on it because I’m not gonna lie, I enjoy going back and rereading it. It gave me a lot of comfort when I was in a pretty dark place, both personally and in regards to my writing, and I was reluctant to send it out into the the abyss of Tumblr where I might never see it again. 

That’s not fair, though. You put just as much effort into sending me that review as I put into my writing, and I apologize for never responding to you.

Okay, anyway, so twice now, you’ve made me cry. In a good way, I promise! 

I absolutely love your bread/flour metaphor. It made perfect sense. I want the emotional release of Javi and Hannah’s reunion to be earned, and in order to do that, the angst has to come first (there are also a few plot “ingredients” that have yet to make their appearances). Thank you very much for understanding that, and for voicing it so eloquently.

I appreciate your comments on my research and characterization. You’re correct that I’ve put a lot of time and effort into crafting a universe. In a lot of ways, I’m doing my best to stay true to the source material (regarding culture and timelines in particular), and in others, I’m branching into my own territory. 

On that note, I’ve never once regretted fully embracing Hannah Aarons’ identity as an OC. She’s stayed consistent in my mind from the beginning, and it was a relief to finally share my vision of her with the audience. And for the record, I totally agree with you regarding “reader” characters. Every reader insert echoes the perspective of their author, no matter how vague the physical description. I can only imagine how grating that must be from the perspective of a non-white, non-american reader. Thank you so much for sharing your insight! I will certainly keep it in mind the next time I write a “reader insert” fic.

Okay, enneagrams! I am much less familiar with enneagram than I am MBTI, but I agree 110% that Javi is a 9 with a strong 8 wing. I waffled back and forth on Ears a little, but eventually landed on 8w7 for her. It came down to the eight’s deepest fear, which is being controlled. That’s Ears all over, and the fact that she and Javi share that eight willfulness means that they might butt heads a little, which also seems very appropriate for them. Big thanks to @remusstark for her insight into the eight frame of mind - our conversations helped solidify my decision on this. :)

Anyway, I’m just rambling now. The big take-away point that I want you to get is that I am so, so grateful to you, both for your insightful feedback and your dedication in making sure that I actually saw it. You are an absolute gem and a deep thinker, Cookie-Anon, and if you ever feel like sliding into my DM’s, I’d welcome the opportunity to get to know you better.

Mad love and soft hugs, 

~ Jay

[preserving-ferretbrain]

Musings on Race in Fantasy or: Why Ron Weasley isn't Black

Blogger’s Note: This particular article is kind of funny in retrospect, now that drawing black!Harry and black!Hermione has become so common in the fandom.

Last year (or maybe the year before, time flies doesn't it), the Sci Fi channel produced an adaptation of Ursula le Guin's Earthsea stories. It caused something of a furore, because most of the main characters were white. I mention this for two reasons. 

The first reason is that the TV company, with typical mealy-mouthed style, insisted that they had practiced "colourblind" casting and in a stunning manipulation of middle class guilt, immediately implied that it was somehow racist to expect them to cast a Native American in the role, just because that was the real world ethnicity which most closely approximated that of the people of Earthsea. Obviously the white guy just happened to be the best guy for the role, obviously he stood out by a mile over the other contenders.  The second reason I mention it, though, was because when I read the books (many years ago now) I had completely failed to notice that Ged wasn't white. With the white middle class man's ingrained fear of being labelled a racist, I immediately constructed for myself very much the kind of justifications that the Sci-Fi channel had. "Oh well it's all about the character isn't it, Ged's character is the same whether he's black, white or whatever".  The thing is: it's natural for people to assume that a fictional character of unspecified race is the same race as them. Similarly I have a strong memory of seeing a picture in my year nine RE class of a depiction of Jesus from a church in China. Their version of Jesus, of course, looked Chinese, which broke a few of our tiny fourteen year old brains. Jesus is Chinese in China, black in Africa, Caucasian in England. He might even be Jewish somewhere, but that seems rather unlikely.  But there's another thing. I, yes, will generally assume that a non-racially-specific person is white. And I'm pretty sure that a Chinese person reading a book written in Chinese by a Chinese author will assume that a non-racially-specific person (who will probably have a vaguely Chinese sounding name and live in a fictional setting that looks pretty much like medieval China) would be ethnically Chinese. My girlfriend pointed out over lunch that, when she reads Haruki Murakami, she imagines all the characters as white, even though they're presumably mostly Japanese. It gets more complicated when you put minorities into the mix.  Put simply, I cannot put my hand on my heart and say that a black person living in England has the same luxury that I - and Chinese people in China, and Indians in India - enjoy. I, and I would imagine a great many other people who read the Earthsea books at a similar age to me, assumed Ged was the same race as me. I sincerely doubt that there are any black fantasy readers who made the same assumption about Aragorn when they read Lord of the Rings. Currently, then, I'm in one of those horrible situations where I think there's a point to be made, but I'm not entirely sure what it is. It's one of those "individual instance versus general trend" problems. I don't think you can look at any single work of fiction and say "that character, right there, should have been black". It's all very well saying that non-whites are underrepresented in Fantasy, but that's partly just because ninety percent of fantasy is set in a world that's functionally identical to medieval Europe. Most fantasy worlds do have black people in them, it's just that because they come from the Hot Continent In The South. Indeed most fantasy worlds seem to assume the existence of exactly four races: White Anglo Saxon, Black African, Asian (the Asian culture will invariably be a vast Empire in the East, and usually look like Han Dynasty China, plus Samurai, plus ninjas) and Arab (the Arabic culture will be either very religious or very mercantile, or both).  In fact, the races that are the most underrepresented in Fantasy are - arguably - the non-Anglo-Saxon "white" races. A remarkable number of Fantasy settings include quasi-Venetian city-states, quasi-Roman empires and quasi-Spartan warrior cultures, who none the less manage to look remarkably like they were born in Colchester, nary a Mediterranean complexion in sight. I can just about accept a quasi-European world with no black people in it (Fantasy worlds don't haveimmigration after all). It's rather harder to accept a fantasy analogue of Florence in which nobody looks Florentine. (This weird omission applies almost universally in fact: when was the last time you saw a Roman Emperor actually being played by a Roman? Why when it is unthinkable for a white man to play Othello does nobody bother to find a Venetian-looking Desdemona).  Of course I might be making a fuss about nothing. As I say, it's easy for me to assume that everybody I read about is white (even when there's textual evidence to the contrary). I don't really have any evidence that Locke Lamora isn't Latino, or that the men of Westeros aren't Hispanic (the Dornishmen are, of course, Generically Arabic but like most fantasy worlds, Westeros seems to have an invisible line across the equator, with the people going from "white as milk" on one side to "coffee-coloured" on the other with no in-between). So maybe it isn't a problem with the genre, maybe it's a problem with me. There is, after all, nothing stopping me from imagining Robert Baratheon as looking like a Greek Cypriot, or Ron Weasley as being a black kid who just happens to have red hair. If I assume that a character of unspecified race is Caucasian, that's my look out.  The problem is, though, that if I am making the assumption that J Random Character is white, just because I am white, then it seems overwhelmingly probable that the white middle class writers of fantasy are making the same assumptions. And I think this is an issue. When JK Rowling was designing her boy wizard (and I really don't mean to single her out here, it's just a good, well known example) I'm sure it didn't even occur to her that Harry Potter could be a black kid, any more than it occurred to me that he would be. When she was designing Ron Weasley, she imagined a character that would be her ideal image of an honest, supportive friend, and what she wound up imagining was a boy with red hair and freckles.  And it's that more than anything else that causes the trouble.  The problem with "race" in fiction in general and fantasy in particular, is that it has two very distinct implications. The first implication is the social and political one " "black" and "white" carry tremendous social connotations in the real world, and that bleeds over into created worlds as well. The second implication of a character's race, though, is much more prosaic. A person's race affects what they look like.  Well, duh.  But actually, it's the cosmetic implications of race that wind up being the most important. It is considered absolutely and unambiguously wrong in the modern world to judge somebody by their race. It is considered totally okay to judge somebody by their looks, particularly in a work of fiction, where somebody's physical appearance is often expected to tell you something about their personality. Ron Weasley has red hair and freckles: the average reader knows instantly what that is supposed to imply about him. He's boyish, a little impetuous, but basically a good person. He has "hero's sidekick" written all over him. The problem is, having "red hair and freckles" effectively precludes Ron Weasley from being black, because very few black people have red hair (although it isn't unheard of) and black skin tends to freckle far less visibly than white skin.  Again, just to be clear, I'm not saying that JK Rowling is "a racist" but I am saying that when JK Rowling formed in her mind the image of a true and decent friend, she deliberately gave that person particular physical characteristics which she felt created the appropriate image, and those traits are traits you are very, very unlikely to find in a black person.  Try to write a description of a beautiful woman, and the odds are better than even that you'll make her tall and slender with long, golden hair. Chances are, you'll make her tall and slender with long golden hair even if you're more into brunettes. "Tall and slender with long golden hair" is our cultural shorthand for beauty - it's what Cinderella looks like, it's what Rapunzel looks like, it's what Laura Fairlie looks like, Sweeney Todd's dead wife and lost daughter are both "beautiful and pale, with yellow hair". Snow White's a brunette, but she's still got skin as white as snow. No writer would dream of suggesting that a black person couldn't be beautiful, but our "generic" idea of beauty is pale and blonde, just like our "generic" idea of boyish charm is a freckly redhead and our "generic" idea of a wise man is a white guy with a long beard and a pointed nose (I'll talk about noses more in a bit).  The "race affects how you look" issue is also another strike, I think, against the idea that I only assume that everybody in Fantasy is white because I'm a white man myself. When people talk about "race" they tend to just think in terms of skin colour, but of course it actually affects a whole lot more than that. I can't think of a single point in the Potter books where it explicitly says that Dumbledore or Harry are white (so you could argue that it's just my preconceptions coming into play), but race isn't just about skin colour. Harry Potter is famous for his messy, floppy hair (again, it's a characteristic that makes him seem more like "a regular kid" - or at least a regular white kid). Dumbledore, of course, has his long, pointy nose. Even if their skin colour isn't mentioned explicitly, neither of these physical characteristics are terribly likely to be possessed by a black man. There are exceptions, of course, but in general black people don't have "floppy" hair or pointed noses. All in all I feel confident that, when I assume a character in a fantasy novel is white, the author is making the exact same assumption.  I've just spent about 1700 words slating Fantasy writers for not including enough black people in their books (and certainly not including enough Latino or Greek people despite a great many settings looking a whole hell of a lot like Spain, Greece or Italy), but I'd like to spend a moment backpedalling. The thing is that what I said at the start, about it being natural to assume that a person of non-specific race looks pretty much like you still holds. If I was a Fantasy writer I am damned sure that I'd make my protagonists white, just because it wouldn't occur to me to do otherwise. If I had to write about a beautiful woman, you can bet your arse I'd make her tall and slender with long golden hair, because that's how I instinctively think of a "beautiful woman" looking (even though I do, in fact, far prefer dark women in real life).  The other problem with race in Fantasy is that, because it's not our world, you can't use nationality as a short hand. It's actually remarkably hard to describe many non-white races without resorting to (a) cliche or (b) rather dubious ethnic stereotypes. You can get away with it fairly easily in something set in the real world, because you can just say somebody is "Chinese" or "Azerbaijani" and either people will know what you mean, or they can look it up on the internet. In a fantasy world you don't have that luxury. This is probably why there are only four races in most fantasy worlds. Anybody whose race isn't described is white. Anybody who has dark skin is Generically Arabic, anybody who has very dark or black skin is black, and anybody who has a long moustache or does Kung Fu is Asian. Some fantasy worlds similarly include a quasi-Mongolian culture, who we know to look Mongolian because they have a close relationship with their horses. You might, if you're very lucky get "olive skinned" people (who are presumably therefore green) tending Big Fields of Ancient Wheat, but that's about your lot. Again however, I wonder how much more Fantasy writers can realistically be expected to do.  The simple fact is that the real world is unimaginably complicated. A fantasy series is praised for its worldbuilding if it contains more than six moderately well realised nations. The CIA World Factbook lists the real world as containing over two hundred and sixty. Similarly, while fantasy worlds may grossly oversimplify the concept of ethnicity, it would be impossible to do otherwise - just looking at the CIA world factbook again, we see (for example) seven distinct ethnicities depicted as existing within Albania alone (Albanian, Greek, Vlach, Roma, Serb, Macedonian, Bulgarian) while the entry for China lists eleven (Han Chinese, Zhuang, Uygar, Hui, Yi, Tibetan, Miao, Manchu, Mongol, Buyi, Korean). The complexities of real-world ethnic diversity are beyond even the most talented of fantasy authors, never mind your average Quest-and-McGuffin merchant.  In the end, then, the thing I find most upsetting about the appallingly whitewashed nature of most fantasy settings is that I can absolutely understand why they're like that. Even though I'm a thoroughly modern, thoroughly liberal man, even though I work in an international school am therefore able to feel smug and cosmopolitan because I know what people from Kazakhstan look like and have a reasonable chance of identifying an Azerbaijani accent I still, deep down, instinctively assume that "person" means "white person", and I can't ultimately condemn JK Rowling for giving her white protagonist a white best friend and a white mentor, and having them marry a couple of nice white girls and have nice white kids who they named after their dead white relatives. I know I'd do exactly the same.  The sad fact is that most white people don't think about race that much, because we simply don't have to. While this is arguably better than being actively racist it's still kind of a sorry state of affairs, and it's unbelievably pathetic that after all these years, Ursula le Guin is still pretty much the only person in the industry who seems to give a shit.

Themes: J.K. Rowling, Books, Minority Warrior

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Comments (go to latest)

Arthur B at 00:49 on 2008-03-15

The amazing thing about the racial mix in Earthsea is how many people completely miss it, despite le Guin's valiant efforts in throwing out evidence pointing towards it. The only other author I can think of who's played with people's cultural stereotypes in this way is (big surprise coming here) Gene Wolfe; in The Book of the New Sun you need to pay attention to notice that Severian lives somewhere near where Buenos Aires is in our own time, that the Commonwealth it is a part of is South America, and that the Maoist-flavoured despotism threatening the Commonwealth exists in North America; the average fantasy reader (in the Anglo-American world, at least) is going to tend to assume that Our Hero lives in the northern hemisphere and that slogan-spouting Maoists are Chinese.

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Guy at 04:34 on 2008-03-15

I remember it coming as quite a shock to me when I read Wizard of Earthsea to discover that Ged was dark-skinned. I'd already formed a picture of him in my mind and it was disconcerting to be told that this picture was wrong. It did make me think about race in fantasy worlds, though... later I read an essay by le Guin in which she said she did this deliberately... the idea being to try to secure the reader's identification with the protagonist before letting them in on what that protagonist looked like. I think maybe the reason fantasy worlds tend to be so ethnically homogeneous is that they're mostly seen as (and used as, probably) an escapist outlet and we don't like difficult social questions in our escapist fluff. I imagine a similar racial mix can be found in Mills and Boon novels, for example? I think le Guin is one of those fantasy (and sci-fi) writers who is intent on doing more than providing formulaic escapism and showing what the genre is capable of extending to... it's a shame there aren't more like her. I think escapism is great, but I'd hate to think that was all the fantasy genre had to offer.

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Dan H at 10:08 on 2008-03-15

As I say, I can actually forgive fantasy for not handling race well, because it's actually very hard to do well, and I can certainly forgive purveyors of light, escapist fantasy for not dealing with complex real-world social issues. On the other hand it kind of does bug me that - say - JK Rowling has an all-white cast saving their 99% white world from all-white villains and then gets praised for (a) her sensitive handling of the issue of racism and (b) her amazing courage in having two black characters who never do or say anything, and a character who is revealed to be gay in an interview (and was therefore Never Able To Find True Love Or Happiness Because of His Unnatural Predelictions). Look! It took me all of three posts to turn this into JKR-bashing! The ethnic makeup of Westeros also seriously confuses me. Why do the blonde people live two miles north of the black people? Why?!

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Guy at 12:01 on 2008-03-15

Very crisp edges on the ozone layer?

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Sister Magpie at 16:45 on 2008-03-15

I've always felt a little lucky that I didn't read Earthsea until after the TV movie came out. I didn't see the TV movie, but I read the complaints about this, so I went into the book knowing what Ged looked like in the book. If I hadn't it's quite possible I would have overlooked it the same way. Which means the best I can say is that I'm willing to make the effort to keep non-white characters non-white--which isn't much!

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Arthur B at 16:55 on 2008-03-15

More likely the mighty efforts of the stalwart warriors manning the Kingdom's defences against the marauding hordes of dark people. :( Actually, let me nominate David Gemmell as someone who can, when the mood takes him, handle racial issues fairly well, or at least not appallingly badly. Even in Legend, his most black-and-white clash-of-cultures novel, he takes pains to make sure that both the Drenai and the Nadir civilisations have a mix of admirable and disreputable qualities, and there is genuine cultural mixing at the borders between nations; he even hints in The King Beyond the Gate that the Last Great Hope for Peace is not, in fact, the decadent, played-out, and European Drenai, but the vibrant, young and vaguely Mongolian Nadir. Then again, you do have Pagan as the Token Awesome Black Dude in The King Beyond the Gate, but I half-suspect that Gemmell introduced him simply because his publishers pressured him to and he was fed up of having his manuscripts rejected; he manages to make the dude reasonably three-dimensional and interesting later on. More importantly, he manages to make the dude three-dimensional and interesting in a manner which doesn't hinge simply on him coming from a vaguely African culture, but engages with him as a human being with very human flaws that, like all of Gemmell's heroes, he strives to overcome. At the end of the day, I suppose that giving characters from diverse races and cultures a similar treatment without stripping them of any distinctive cultural identity is the best that fantasy authors can hope for. (Which ties in, of course, with Dan's concerns about JKR. Sure, she throws in a few black and Asian kids in Hogwarts, but they pretty much never get a chance to do any of the cool stuff that the white kids do.)

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Arthur B at 16:56 on 2008-03-15

whups, Magpie and I cross-posted "More likely the mighty efforts of the stalwart warriors manning the Kingdom's defences against the marauding hordes of dark people. :(" was a response to Guy's comment about the ozone layer.

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Rami at 20:08 on 2008-03-15

It is really quite annoying how not that many fantasy series ever have an equivalent to South Asia ;-) but then, I'm a little biased...

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Guy at 07:37 on 2008-03-16

Incidentally, I saw a bit of the TV series of Earthsea... and I think with a certain amount of harrumphing I could have accepted the racial changes, if it weren't for the fact that it was a badly written, badly acted, utterly generic "McMagic" blancmange with no real reason to have the Earthsea name attached to it.

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Arthur B at 09:26 on 2008-03-16

Incidentally, does anyone know whether the Studio Ghibli version of Earthsea is any good? I know that le Guin was disappointed that Miyazaki gave the directing job to his son rather than doing it himself, but I also seem to remember that she isn't nearly as upset with it as she was with the SciFi channel version. Of course, anime has its own problems with dealing with racial issues; in most of Ghibli's films all the human beings seem to be of exactly the same race, whereas when other anime studios try to do non-European, non-Japanese characters it doesn't always work well.

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Jen Spencer at 09:48 on 2008-03-17

This is reminding me of Jazz in the Transformers movie. That hurt my brain.

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Rami at 11:56 on 2008-03-17

Jazz in the Transformers movie Oh, God, he really was just gratuitously ethnic, wasn't he? Just like in Not Another Teen Movie, which despite being a bit crap did hit the nail on the head with their Token Black Guy.

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Andy G at 19:54 on 2008-03-18

Interesting sci-fi / fantasy comparison here - are there any fantasy settings with heterogenous societies? I can only think of Ankh Morpork in the later Discworld stories, where he is deliberately focusing on the issue. It seems to be a much more common feature of sci-fi - Firefly, Star Trek, the Foundation series etc. Fantasy is perhaps still taking a Tolkien world-view as a point of departure, rather than the modern world - whereas the visions of the future in sci-fi have changed along with the visions of the present? More generally on all genre fiction - since sci-fi is only COMPARATIVELY progressive - perhaps it's also significant that the world-view in them tends to be much more white-centric in the assumptions on the part of the author and reader because we don't read from fantasy, sci-fi, detective stories, romances, thrillers from authors outside the UK and US? I can think of Night Watch from Russia and that's it. Even in Germany they tend to read just English fantasy / sci-fi.  Oh and a final thought that just came to me - what about the whole question not just of characters' appearances but their accents - isn't that quite revealing about our assumptions too?

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Dan H at 10:56 on 2008-03-19

I think there's two distinct things to think about here actually. One is the comparative homogeneity/heterogeneity of the *setting* and the other is the application of the same principles to the actual *story*. Ankh Morpok is "heterogeneous" chiefly in terms of its non-human races, and the presence of the odd Klachian. In this sense it's actually not much different to JKR's world (where we're told categorically that Dean Thomas Is Black). Firefly basically has one black chick, one Mysterious Old Black Dude (who skates dangerously close to what tvtrops.org would call a "Magical Negro" at times) and that's about it. For a world where society is supposed to be fully 50% chinese, they run into surprisingly few Chinese people. Original trek was well done by the standards of its day - it was massively tokenistic but it was the sixties for crying out loud. TNG was actually far worse (there's what, one black guy on board, and he's an alien). Again, I'm not saying that there's anything *wrong* with white writers who write for mostly-white audiences in a mostly-white country in a predominently white industry writing stories where the protagonists are themselves mostly white. It's when they start making a big song and dance about how totally racially diverse they are it gets to me. Firefly does reasonably well in including a just-above-tokenistic proportion of non-white characters but when you remember that it's supposed to be set in a society where the chinese are actually a majority they start to be notable by their absence.

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Andy G at 12:38 on 2008-03-19

Absolutely, I think that's a much clearer explanation of the qualification I was trying to get at when I said sci-fi was only 'comparatively progressive.'

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Jamie Johnston at 11:01 on 2008-03-24

Very interesting stuff. I find myself wondering what is the best way for a writer to deal with the fact that his readers will make these assumptions. The Rowling approach of simply relying on them (and probably sharing them) and therefore not bothering to specify anything about a character's ethnicity unless it happens not to conform to them (e.g. Dean Thomas Is Black) reinforces the assumptions at least in as much as it doesn't challenge them. On the other hand, if a writer carefully specified the ethnicity of every character it would (1) get very tedious for the reader and (2) give the reader the impression than ethnicity is very important to the story, even if it isn't. Then again one can do what Gaiman does in 'Anansi Boys', which is to wilfully ignore the fact that your readers are making these assumptions and just to write the thing on the basis that *you* know all your principal characters are black and your readers will figure it out eventually. That may in principle be a very noble way to go about it, in that it doesn't indulge your readers' unhelpful ways of thinking and in fact makes them feel they've been rather silly and faintly racist, when the penny finally drops, for thinking in that way in the first place; but it also means that at some point around page 100 your readers will be massively distracted from the story you're telling them by having to make extensive retrospective mental adjustments while feeling they've been rather silly and faintly racist. Which doesn't really make for a satisfying aesthetic experience. P.S. Andy raised the point of science fiction from outside the Anglo-American sphere: I haven't read any, but I heard on the radio the other day that there's a big boom going on at the moment in Indian sci-fi. Might give an interesting angle on things, especially since (as has already been pointed out) fantasy and sci-fi tend to ignore the Indian subcontinent altogether because there's only room in The East for one civilization and it's usually Vaguely Chinese.

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http://draxar.livejournal.com/ at 20:50 on 2011-07-14

A very late comment, but one book that purposefully plays with this idea is Anansi Boys, where the majority of the main characters are black, and if I recall correctly, it mentions when a character is white, but not when they're black.

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Cammalot at 23:50 on 2011-07-14

I adored the hell out of that book for just that reason. It felt... refreshing. :-) Basically everywhere else in life (in my experience of Western culture, anyway) the opposite is done. "A woman walked own the road" followed by actual detailed description, versus "A black man got out of the car." The end. (Not even "A man got out of the car; he was black..."

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http://keysersose.blogspot.co.uk/ at 16:41 on 2017-03-16

I had a similar argument with my writer chums the other day, and Harry Potter was the example we used as well.  Generally, fantasy writers treat white as default (consciously or unconsciously), and expect the readership to assume characters are white unless otherwise specified (again, consciously or unconsciously). That annoys me, so I have a somewhat petulant policy of mentally depicting all characters as black unless their ethnicity/race is actually specified. Harry Potter actually deserves some praise for never specifying the race of characters, which is a thing a lot of authors do dp. Rowling implies ethnicity through character description, or with stereotypical "ethnic" names, but she never goes so far as to tell you that Hermione is white British or Dumbledore is Persian. This is better than when a writer tells you a character is black (when skin colour has no apparent significance to the story or setting). I assume this is a middle-class, white guilt thing where they feel it necessary to indicate there are indeed people of colour in their book, but it kind of backfires because they only mention a character's skin colour when they are not white, implying white is the default setting. It is also usually the case that these POCs are relegated to support characters, and the author has reinforced the fact that the protagonist is lily-white. If I was a non-white reader, I might have imagined the protagonist up to a point of matching my ethnicity. The lack of mention initially communicates that I can imagine what I like. But then this stupid rule about pointing out the brown people asserts the white-is-default rule, and that means my mental image must be wrong. This issue also came up when reading the Kingkiller series, in that one of the characters is meant to be non-white, but it wasn't apparent to most of the readership because the character was described as "dusky" skinned, which could be used to describe anyone from Megan Fox to Grace Jones. Qvothe has the red hair, and the references to pubs and lutes imply a generic European medieval setting, but now there is this weird alternative problem where the description is so vague, it is basically pointless description except to imply everyone else isn't dusky coloured (and so therefore white). Qvothe himself has read hair, but is also from some cultural equivalent to Romani/Travellers. Fine, I think. Qvothe is black too.

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Arthur B at 17:31 on 2017-03-16

Interesting to see this one pop out of the archives, seeing how, whilst Ron is still not black in Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, Hermione is. I am with you on the utter uselessness of "dusky" as a description of someone's skin colour. So far as I can make out, it can apply to anyone who is not an actual albino.

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Orion at 19:47 on 2017-03-30

There's actually a quite sensible reason that Ron Weasley isn't black, and indeed why he has red hair, which is unrelated to the character-type-signaling.  The Weasleys are an aristocratic old-money family that has been active and well known in Britain for a long time. They're not wealthy any more (or at least neither they nor the Malfoys would describe them as wealthy), but they're blood relations to many of the genuinely powerful families and have intergenerational rivalries with at least one. I think it's a pretty safe assumption that most (though perhaps not all) of the wizard families with ancestral estates in England and blood relations to other wizard families with ancestral estates in England are white. I suppose they could have been the descendants of a foregn merchant house that transplanted to England or it could have been one of Ron's parents rather than Ron who married a black outsider, but I think those changes do lead to different stories.  Given that they're white, it makes sense that the Weasleys have red hair. It's because of their hair that everyone knows who they are and what they look like and can spot them across a room. One assumes that Ron might not be so cripplingly self-conscious if he weren't so easy to spot and recognize. Also, while everyone has to acknowedge that the Weasleys are wizard highborns, many think the Weasleys are somehow "not as good" as the other highborn families. I'm an American and liable to be mistaken about this kind of thing, but I'd expect that when English people in the UK see a family of redheads, they would assume that family was probably the the UK, but more likely to be Scottish or Irish than English, and that English nobility would feel that Scottish nobles are definitely nobles, but not really as good as English nobles.

[captainkirkk]

ok so. so so so. this will be a long message, because frick on a stick there is so much i want to tell you and thank you for. so brace yoself: i read history has its eyes on you only yesterday, but i've been desparately rereading it ever since, almost non-stop, because holy macaroni if this fic ain't one of the most perfect stories these tired eyes have ever seen. i love SO MANY THINGS i'm not sure where to even start, gosh. okay. okay. let's start at the beginning. (1/?)

WEEPS. You sent me A DOZEN messages, bless you? And thank you!!!

This ask and my response got long, so I’m putting it under the cut. There’s a bunch of headcanons about the ‘see it all in bloom’ universe in here, so if you’re interested, keep reading. 

your headcanons regarding class 3-a’s rise to fame/the july attacks/deku’s leap in the limelight as future number one, i adore it all. it makes sense, it’s exciting even if we don’t get to see it on the page word-for-word/in real time, and it’s inspiring too! but most of all, it fits them all so well – they deserve to be written as great heroes and i’m beyond happy you gave that to them in your story – to ALL of them, including shinsou. cookies for you. (2/?)

secondly, the rankings you picked for them – deku as no.1 of course, and katsuki ACTUALLY BEING CONTENT WITH SECOND PLACE, EFF YEAH! and shouto at no.4, holding neither all might’s nor his father’s former ranks, i appreciate the heck out of this. just… all the kids becoming awesome heroes and having wonderful, fulfilling careers just like they’ve always wanted, i’m here for this and i’m here to STAY. (3/?)

thirdly, katsuki’s character. i will be the first person in this fandom to admit my intense dislike of him, but you’ve written him in exactly the way i’ve always wanted him to turn out – significantly less jaded, noticeably more humble (and sane…), actively working to correct the mistakes of his past by becoming an advocate for quirkless kids and participating in anti-bullying campaigns (as an ex bully-victim, reading this made me want to kiss you) with deku, that felt sweet on the soul (4/?)

and also being married to kirishima, of course. DUH. speaking of which, the ships! THE SHIPS! ALL. MY. FAVOURITE. SHIPS. they were all there, they all got attention, and i love you all the more for it. tododeku especially. i just love how tenderly yet comfortably they were written. in my mind, they’ve always felt like the couple that will get the happily-ever-after kind of romance, like two souls mated in a fairy tale come to life. and they, above all others, deserve that everlasting joy (5/?)

and the parts with toshinoti, how he’s dealing with his new(-ish?) lifestyle and the world is spinning on without him, but also taking care of him, because he’s more than earned it – how all his former friends and students have become family to him and are so eager to remain an active part of his life, how he helps bakugou with teaching (for dummies ;P) and is so painfully proud of deku, it was all so deeply touching and heartwarming, i loved every single one of his scenes to bits! (6/?)

the writing was wonderful forma purely technical point as well: there were some typos but nothing serious, and it all flowed quickly yet smoothly – you stylde felt simple and dynamic, but also somehow profound, perhaps precisely because of its simplicity. i still can’t put my finger on it. i just know i loved it. your ocs were a great addition too! their personalities felt distinct and they left good impressions without overstaying their welcome in a class 3-a-centred story, top job! (7/?)

the whole domestic feel of the fic was wonderful as well! it felt like a true slice-of-life piece, even though the lives in question are filled with action and danger. you captured the nature of the balance between working your (adventurous and stardom-speckled) dream job and living your private life/spending quality off-time with friends very accurately. the final excerpt (the description of the photo) left a sweetly nostalgic sense buzzing in my chest. just… thank you for this story. (8/?)

and now that i’m done singing your praises, time for the payback! i adore this verse, and therefore i naturally have questions. first and most importantly, the tododeku relationship development. could you tell me when and how they got together in this verse, how that whole tidbit with suing endeavour went, and when and how exactly they got engaged? i assume it’s in the 5 months leading up to the reunion, but details please? future wedding details too? give me ALL THE DETAILS. (9/?)

then, ranking details! we know deku’s no.1, bakugou’s no.2, and shouto’s no.4, but the fic mentions the class currently has 6 members in the top 10. who are the rest, and who’s the number 3 hero? please tell me it’s momo. PLEASE. also, have their ranks changed since the time they graduated, or have they remained the same for the last 7 years (i.e. deku’s always been no.1 ever since he entered the ranklist, shouto’s always been no.4, etc.)? and what’s shinsou’s rank? (10/?)

what about teaching details? where’s nedzu if aizawa’s principle? is shinsou a part-time teacher or a guest lecturer? does bakugou now do teaching full time, or does he only do homeroom for one class and keeps hero-ing in the meantime? will he even remain in the ranklist if he stops fighting villains? will he even care? and on a less-related note, are bakushima the only married couple? and when did they get married? was deku best man? my shameless curiosity demands to know everything (11/?)

finally, in case i haven’t tormented you enough, i wanted to ask, how do you envision our heroes’ futures? we know they’re only 25 in the story, and tododeku are about to soon get married. and bakushima are married already, bakugou’s switching careers, yada yada. but if you had to plot a course for the rest of class 3-a’s lives, what would it look like? all might mentioned grandchildren, but would tododeku want that? and where even was/is kouda in this entire fic? xDDD thank you!!! (12/12)

Again: thanks for the comments! I’m so glad you enjoyed this.

The next ‘in bloom’ instalment will focus on Bakugou becoming involved in anti-bullying campaigns. I’m with you, Bakugou makes me very uncomfortable in canon, but occasionally we get these glimpses of character development (esp in the manga), and I just needed to bring that out and expand on it. 

And there will always be typos in my work, unfortunately. I don’t have a beta, and I’m a dumb-ass who always misses my errors. I do my best, but I am only human.

I won’t give you all the details (partly because I don’t have this universe entirely mapped out yet), but you can have some answers:

TodoDeku have a long engagement. They were engaged before we see them in ‘history…’ actually. They’re in no rush, and are very busy with their work lives, and are enjoying the blissfully engaged lifestyle. They’ve been engaged for about a year, and they have some vague plans, but nothing concrete. At the moment, they’re debating the merits of getting married somewhere private in the city vs. getting married on Toshinori’s estate. I’m not sure which one will win out. 

Their rankings have changed A LOT! When he officially entered the rankings when he was 19, Deku only ended up no. 20, because it had been over a year since the July Attacks, and he hasn’t actually done much since then, being busy with exams/graduating/entering a hero agency. A lot of people were upset by this, but it didn’t bother Deku. He was ecstatic to scrap into the Top 20 as it was.

Sorry, no. 3 belongs to Inasa (from the manga). The top 10 has changed a lot, too. There’s actually seven 1a heroes in the top 10 - Uravity was No. 11 but got a jump in popularity recently. In order: Deku, Detonation, Gale (Inasa), Polarise, unnamed number 5, Creati, Red Riot, Ingenium, an unnamed number 9, and Uravity. 

Shinsou is rankless. He’s an underground hero, and I headcanon that those types of heroes are not typically assigned ranks.

Shinsou has his own role at UA. He does a bunch of stuff: watches the entrance exams, works with some of the Gen. Ed kids, oversees possible transfers between courses, and does guest lectures. Aizawa gives him a lot of independent power.

Bakugou co-teaches Class 1-B. He occasionally guest lecturers other classes (like how Thirteen worked one-off with 1-A during the USJ attack). He has enough time to do hero work too, but he has a less intense work-load now that he’s also teaching.

Kirishima and Bakugou are the only married couple at the moment. They got married when they were 23, before TodoDeku had gotten engaged. They were the first couple to start dating in high school, too. They just … clicked, and never looked back.

Do you mean Kouda or Kouta? Kouda is probably off running a rescue animal shelter while doing minor hero work, too. Kouta is doing amateur film work and arguing with classmates when they don’t believe that he knows pro heroes irl.

I almost wrote Jirou and Momo announcing their engagement at the reunion, but at that point, I had been writing the fic for months, and I needed to upload it before I combusted. So. Yeah. They get engaged around the end of the fic.

I haven’t thought too hard about kids but … I can’t get the image of Kiri/Baku adopting an orphaned girl when they’re in their 30s, and Bakugou ringing up Midoriya to ask him to be the godfather, and Midoriya CRYING FOR HOURS. HOURS. He catches the train over at like 11pm, still in his pjs, still crying, and all over twitter there’s pics of Deku crying into a phone, sparking all kinds of terrible rumours, until he uploads a photo of him cradling his goddaughter in his arms a few hours later. 

I also have more headcanons in my history verse tag, if you’re curious. Thanks again!