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civilight-eterna · 10 months ago

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Fanfic Writing Questions

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Looks like 17, incidentally my lucky number!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

204,980 so far!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Right now, Arknights. If Ex Astris gets any more content though I'll probably lunge for it again. I'm also always open to writing Vocaloid stuff even though I'm a little embarrassed looking back at some of my earlier works. I don't write for RWBY or Danganronpa anymore. I've been kinda hurt by people in those fandoms and I'm baby (or was baby) so it kinda killed my heart for it.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 1. From Hell to the Moon - 953 kudos My gigantic Touko/Komaru fic from back when Ultra Despair Girls had me in an absolute chokehold. I still love them but I kinda fell off from updating because I got a lot of comments like 'ughh i'm so sad this will never get updated' and the pressure got to me. 2. Between the Li[n]es - 425 kudos Another one I left on a massive cliffhanger for Danganronpa V3, my Miu/Kokichi/K1-B0 fic. I appreciate the support it received so much. I do enjoy writing robot sex. I fell off of updating because I made a friend in the fandom that kinned Kokichi pretty hard and seemed to feel like he was a much 'softer boi' than the way I wrote him and implied that my Kokichi was OOC and even though I didn't really believe it...well, you become your actions, so, by kind of, tolerating their interpretation it kind of neutered my own. We haven't talked in years. Sometimes I think about writing a quickie update chapter but I'm too into my other writing. As one comment put it: "came to nut, stayed for the feels", so I felt pretty damn good about the naughty scenes in this one. One of the more vulgar things I've published.

3. Other Side - 288 kudos My first fic for the RWBY fandom! I wrote it right after the Weiss trailer came out and we knew nothing, so a lot of the story is nothing like how the characters act now. I look back on it pretty fondly because it got me out of a pretty bad writing rut, but it's kinda bittersweet because I've moved on from RWBY. Still a sucker for Ruby/Weiss and I was overjoyed when Ice Queendom came out and gave them some spotlight. 4. Amor fati - 188 kudos My beloved golden child chenmiya fic. It makes me so happy to see this one climbing high into the list even though it's the most recent. A lot of tender love and care went into writing this and reading this is the key to my heart. Nothing excites me more than comments on this or any of my other chenmiya fics. It's basically my love letter to the ship. 5. Secondhand Smoke - 177 kudos One of my early entries into the ~problematic yuri~ genre from when Cinder/Ruby from RWBY had me by the throat. I got a lot of much-appreciated appreciation for writing these two and I remember this being the year that a bunch of my artist friends drew me Cinder/Ruby for my birthday! I'd never had anything like that happen before and I felt so loved.

5. Do you respond to comments? Sometimes! If you leave a lengthy comment I try to at least pop in and cry about how much it means to me haha.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Sour Grapes, easily. But is anyone surprised?

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Definitely dodecatheon meadia. If ever I've written something I can consider to have a true fairytale ending, this is the one. This one really healed my heart too! I felt like I had a real fire under me while writing it and these girls have deeply affected me. I don't want to say too too much about it since some people are very likely still finishing the game. But it's also a new feeling to be the first fic in a tag!

8. Do you get hate on fics? Thankfully not really.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Yeah, I sure do, almost exclusively-but I tend to have myself in this hostage situation of, "please make a 50k-100k epic to perfectly justify the characters having sex" that I occasionally escape containment from. I've gotten a little better at just laying the foundations quickly and getting to what I like to write, but it can still be a struggle because I get a little perfectionist with it. Which is funny because to me the 'perfect' smut doesn't exist, and it's made 'perfect' through the imperfections. I think the little bumps and hiccups and misunderstandings along the way are a lot more compelling to me than having everything go without a hitch, but there's definitely exceptions and different circumstances! Like when that's a big part of the story-like a character really really in control for another character's safety. When I write robot sex or medfet there tends to be a bit more detail about the safety side of things because I like to take the reader through the experience of safety too. I never turn right to the camera and go 'and now the safe way to do it is x' but I rely on the characters to express their expertise to each other, and their reassurance, and for the trust of the other character to speak for itself. haha, i rambled.

this is why for the lin/chen/amiya bondage i'm working on writing that i have a notebook with several pages of questions that lin goes through before tying people up. things like 'if you start to cry, does that mean you need to stop, or is that just what you need?'

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Not really, the only one I've kind of written was the Ex Astris/Arknights one in dodecatheon meadia, based lightly off the fact that the games did a collab and I wanted to acknowledge them with the outfits of those girls from another world that they didn't quite get to know.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Oh, just once. But it was SO long ago and the person was pretty young I think and they were ashamed and took it down right away, so live and let live.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Some kind folks translated Sour Grapes into Chinese! I asked them for a link to where it ended up but I don't think they totally understood what I was asking. I was flattered nonetheless.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? No, I haven't. I do a lot of rping though still, though less publicly than I used to. I think if I co-wrote anything and published it it would have to be with @lanymme because she's my most trusted peer! When we talk about writing things and whenever she gives me feedback, she is so kind and spirited about it in a way that pushes me to do my best. Her encouragement is truly so earnest and even though I can be a little protective of my writing she has a really nice way about her of discussing how to make it stronger without making me ever feel like I'm not 'enough' as an author. I can't overstate how much I value her companionship; as an editor and a good friend and just lovely person overall. And when she leaves huge comments on my fics spotting all the little painstaking details I put in and mentioning them-what better satisfaction can there be as a writer? I always intend to do the same back but I am always just so floored and wiped out by the quality of her writing that I atomize before I can form cohesive thoughts. It just makes it all the more impressive that she can put together a fucking. bibliography of the story's moments and her reactions. So lanymme I hope you know how much I adore your style. /)///(\

14. What's your all time favorite ship? Chenmiya. I sort of felt inklings of it all throughout the beginning of the story and then chapters 7 and 8 sealed my coffin shut. Amiya sort of represents, I think, the idealism that Ch'en had wanted to believe in growing up. The world was really cruel and Ch'en adapted in her own ways, but she...rejects Amiya a bit because I feel like in her heart she can't let herself get too attached. She knows-or thinks she knows-that Amiya will lose hope and she'll feel that heartbreak all over. But slowly, her optimism and continued efforts to just...keep going, in a world that is cold, a world that shows her cruelty-it reaches Ch'en. And even though Ch'en puts up her front at first, Amiya's ultra-high empathy helps her understand who Ch'en really is, and she has the maturity to not begrudge her for the way she's processed things up to the events of chapter 7 and 8. As she puts it, "I saw the color of her heart", when talking about how Ch'en interacted with the kids in the slums that didn't have anyone else. And then she launches a rescue for Ch'en, and ends up so linked up with her memories and emotions that she just like. Becomes the other half of her soul in that fight. Amiya arrives with her optimism and hopes on the sheer chance that Ch'en is still alive and still needs her help and goes up the tower alone to find her and she does even against all odds. She talks about how she wants to cry when she sees her. In Ch'en's hour of need, Amiya arrives carrying the hopes of what she wanted to be herself, and they fight a battle where they are alone, saving each other, promising each other that they can do it, and they come out alive.

There are so, so so many more details about them. Ch'en's wishes for Amiya to call her by first name in a closer way, the way that Amiya shyly, obstinately continues to add some form of honorific for her. The way Ch'en inherited her abusive father's rhetoric and echoed his lines to Amiya to try to get her to distance herself from her in the beginning, only to apologize at the top of the tower and tell her she wishes she'd met her earlier.

But the main thing I always think about, at the top of the tower, is where black-snake-controlled Talulah puts Amiya in a prison of fire specifically to goad Ch'en. She wraps her in flames and says "I wonder how her melting flesh will smell"/something akin to that and Ch'en loses her mind and yells as her to "don't touch her!" and says "I'm the one you want, let her go!" etc., you know, all the good shit. So my interpretation of the scene is this: since the black snake can't make Talulah do something she doesn't actually want to do, I've always felt that the feelings behind that scene were of Talulah wanting someone close to her to really, truly understand how it feels to lose someone you love, and she saw Amiya to Ch'en as being someone analogous to what Alina was to herself. I think even if you read Ch'en's feelings for Amiya as non-romantic, Amiya was still so so dearly important to her to make her react that way, and that the black snake being cruel enough to try to leverage their relationship to, ultimately, kill Ch'en, who was Talulah's last tether to not losing control of herself fully-was so outrageously heinous. Ch'en could have killed herself trying to get Amiya out, which would have been what the black snake wanted most of all, since it couldn't quite urge Talulah to kill Ch'en directly, and it would have done so by preying on both Talulah's love/sorrow for Alina and Ch'en's love for Amiya.

scrolling up and seeing the wall of text i wrote and. yeah. there's still so much more.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Between the Li[e]s. Danganronpa fandom just hurts too much.

16. What are your writing strengths? Aside from dialogue, I think my other big strength is that I'm not afraid to write what I want even if and especially if it's fucked up. I also feel like another strength of mine is that the characters will take over for me, and get me to write them truly as they are without letting me change them. Even if that results in me writing things I'm very embarrassed and shy about writing.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I lack discipline. I need to get myself consistently writing more, but it's hard for me to make time to do it.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't tend to do more than a few phrases, and only then if it's a character's native language and I want them to call someone a cute nickname or something.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Princess Tutu. I was 13. it was the 4th of July. I was supposed to be in bed asleep. But I was using the string lights illumination to light up my journal and it was then for the very first time I felt the feeling of realizing that I could make anything happen that I wanted.

It was not very good at all! But I treasure the memories of having boundless energy to write with because I was just so excited to see something become real from something that had only till then been inside of me.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

dodecatheon meadia. maybe it's surprising because it's not one of my headliner chenmiya fics, but-it's a secret chenmiya fic if you squint!

and honestly even though the story of ex astris is a little patchy at times, by the end you feel just...gripped by the world building and by yan and vi in particular. so i remember writing for them, desperate to see the happiest ending i could make, weaving it in with the canon with as many of my favorite details as possible, and it felt so good. i wrote pretty much nonstop for a week straight and finished it. the feeling of just-DYING to write was burning under my skin after finishing the game and the satisfaction of finishing the fic was magical, even if it came with the usual...idk, 'fanfic post-partum' of sending your writing out into the world when it's all done.

tagging: @lanymme, @annierosaart, and anyone else who wants to do it!

#bunny talk #about me

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marshmallowprotection · 2 years ago

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About your post regarding ocs, you are so right. And to that anon or anyone who reads this, your advice was so top tier and should be followed 100%

I mean that's the beauty of writing, is it not? It doesn't matter how crazy something seems if it brings you joy at the end of the day. Besides, some of the best characters or oc x canon fics I've ever read are ones that are so self indulgent. A lot of people love the same ideas, so to read it in someone else's work is always fun and exciting!

My cmc for example, she's for Saeran too. She's literally a run away princess, and yes it still follows the Canon ish plot of the game. Why? Because why not! It's fun! All of my cmcs are pretty out there tbh...And sure I may post my work, but it doesn't matter If anyone reads it or even if they have critiques on it.

That's honestly what I love about your page, you post a lot of stuff that others probably wouldn't just because you like to write for enjoyment. Your passion truly shows, and you have a great talent for writing. I also love how devoted you are to Saeran, it's nice to see other people who never lost that love for these characters. I grew up with them, I don't think I'll ever stop loving them. My cmc and Saeran story will literally always move forward, and I love seeing yours and reading them.

I do think the best lesson anybody can learn is that when you're creating something, you should be creating it because it's something that's fun and you enjoy doing it. If you're creating things because you want to make others happy and not yourself, that's not going to end well.

It's a good thing to want to make other people smile, but it's more important to make sure that you are taking care of your needs, too. You have to remember it's important to love yourself just as much as it is to love the people around you.

Sometimes, the best characters I've seen somebody create come from a place that people might consider “cringe or embarrassing.” Well, there is no such thing as cringe and people should be having some fun. I don't care how preposterous or ridiculous an idea is for your character, if you like it and you want to have fun with it, go for it! The only thing that matters, in the end, is that you are making things that make you happy.

If you want to know the best way to learn how to enjoy the things you create, art, writing, or whatever you do, then you need to let go of trying to please other people with the things that you create. You need to think with yourself in mind first and foremost. If you are doing that, then the people who are genuinely interested in that will come around eventually.

Sure, it might take some time, I know it's genuinely taken me a long time to get to the point that I'm at! But, because I've spent so much time focusing on writing things that make me happy, I feel a lot better than I did a long time ago when I was only trying to please everybody else. When you are happy with what you are creating, people can see it. People can see your enjoyment in your words and your creations.

I don't know how to describe it because it's just a feeling you get when you see somebody who's putting everything into something.

Creating things that make you happy shouldn't be done because you want to be popular or receive attention, not that there's anything wrong with wanting that because everybody wants and deserves validation in some form! But, if you are making something because you wanted to boom in popularity and you're not deeply invested in that very creation, you're only going to burn yourself out and just feel miserable in the process.

That's why I'm so happy to write stories that make me happy. That means I’ll spend a few weeks working with my CMC! I’ll write her a story where she and Saeran can be happy and unlearn their trauma and it makes me giddy to see their world in print. Or! When I’m really feeling self-indulgent, I’ll go even further and write a self-insert story about myself and Ray.

Bonus points to me for when I write something I know that nobody but me and maybe three other people are going to read, but I'm writing it because I want to see what happens! It's good to want feedback and commentary, but it's just as important that you're having fun in the process of creating.

All of my ramblings aside, I hope that if anybody can take anything away from my rambling, it's that they need to enjoy what they're creating and have fun with it.

#ask #anon #mod kait #kait validation hours?#slaaay anon you write that princess!!!

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mx-ryder · 6 months ago

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I'm in a very particular mood this week.

So, I'm going to rant a bit about Ember!

Ember is one of my earliest ocs. Not the earliest (that honor probably goes to Craft if we're talking true Original Characters, or to a Redwall oc from when I was under 10 if we're being honest), but an early one none-the-less.

And I'm actually just now, as I type this up, remembering something so utterly shameful about Ember that I had literally repressed it. omg

Turns out I had completely forgotten until this very moment that Ember started as a Kingdom Hearts self-insert oc who I paired with Demyx. This is both deeply embarrassing, and also totally checks out.

jesus christ

At any rate: Ember came into being when I was probably about 15-16. As I've just remembered, she started as a self-insert KH oc, but she evolved into a self-insert Original Character that I put into her own story when I joined NaNoWriMo for the first time when I was 17. I can't do the math to figure out what year that was but it was definitely like half a lifetime ago so like, doesn't matter anyway.

At the time, Ember was a high school kid who caught The Disease that was ravaging the world (world-wide pandemic in the early 00s?? Definitely not nearly as relevant as it is now, but this is a story element that's remained for her). She was the Edgy Bad Girl with Fire Powers who embodied everything about every character I loved at the time. Axel (Kingdom Hearts), Zuko and Azula (A:tLA), and the fire kid from Sky High definitely were main influences on her archetype. Her family life was basically mine, minus 4-5 siblings, and she was very much the Comp Het Straight Girl who I thought I wanted to be at the time lol

A surprisingly small amount of stuff about Ember has changed over the years. Her overall appearance is the same: short, pixie-like haircut, red streaks, overall kinda punk-ish/alt aesthetic. I've aged her up, because I didn't know how to write someone in high school at the time, and I sure don't know how to do it now, so she's 24-ish now instead of 16-17 like she was at the time. Her personality is basically the same, just with more nuance than "Edgy, Mysterious, Too-cool to talk much and definitely not like the other girls."

Some other constants: She still has fire powers that she gained from The Illness. She's still addicted to morphine which is a wild thing for teenager me to try to tackle lol She does have a cat that she feeds, vs. an actual pet cat that stays with her and she carried around in her hood because that was A Thing that characters did at the time. The cat's name is still Kitty, because it makes more sense for her to purposefully not want to name the cat, but still call it something.

She's changed a lot too, though. The age-up, as I mentioned. She smokes now, because smoking is cool I'm personally weak for an edgy character who smokes lol She's also queer now, though I think she always sort of was, just like I always was even if I didn't know it. She's no longer high-school crushes/sweethearts with the Lightning Power guy, though he is still in the story and has also changed a lot. A lot of her edgy, quiet-because-it's-mysterious-and-cool attributes are more grounded/realistic now.

Tbh I'm actually super thrilled that I was able to revive Ember the way I have. Her original story was awful. I mean, conceptually it was fine. It was just more than teenage me could handle.

She's grown a lot, and I'm really glad I've been able to do that with her.

But of course, she'll still always have her roots as that edgy self-insert character, and that's also kind of lovely :)

Hey Writeblr,

I have a very specific request.

Will you tell me about your old OCs? I'm talking like middle school/high school edgy OCs. The ones who make you cringe when you remember them, because they're so awful. The Mary-Sue's, the self-inserts. The ones you would never ever ever resurrect because oh my gods they're irredeemable. The over-powered ones. The dark-haired boys with crooked smiles and ocean orbs. The girls who are so not like those other girls.

I'd like to hear about them please! I desire to know them!

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happyselves · 4 years ago

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Wrong Number { Lando Norris x reader one shot }

WARNING !!! EXPLICIT !!!

You were the new PR assistant of Mclaren F1 Team and you end up adapting pretty quickly even starting to have some friends in the team and you were actually at grand prix for the weekend, working on the social media stuff. Obviously for your work you had to have the driver's phone number, but you haven't had the need to use it yet.

You were chilling in your bed, in that gorgeous hotel room, writing some new plans and ideas of videos for the next day where you will have to film a video of the drivers for the youtube of the team. Your phone was lost in your bed sheet and you were on it. Usually you aren't staying up this late but grand prix's weekends were a lot of work.

Indeed you were focused, glasses on almost done with your work. As soon as you finish, content with what you did, you close your computer and put it down next to bed, searching your phone everywhere to turn it off but you saw the little notification and decided to click on it.

Your eyes went wide as you saw the picture of a penis in erection, you double checked the name ... " Lando Norris " . What was happening was that he ... you didn't know how to react before seeing the three little points telling you that he was writing to you.

" OMG I'm so so sorry that wasn't meant for you, omg omg I'm so so sorry really Oh my god "

Obviously you were still shocked, I mean it was Lando Norris, the driver you work with ... You are supposed to see him tomorrow, how are you both going to be able to move on from this. Of course he does what he wants to do in his personal time. That's not your business to tell but a dick pic ? Why were you feeling so hot right now ? Was it because of the embarrassment or was it something else ? Because your stomach makes you feel a weird sensation that extends below between your legs. You took so long to respond that the three dots appeared again.

" I understand if you don't want to answer but know that I'm deeply sorry sincerely, I don't know what to do, if I could delete it and go back like 20 minutes ago I would, I'm not like that .. I'm not someone dirty ... doing that to someone... that's not who i am at all... "

You read and another message appeared.

" I had a bet with my friends, it's so dumb I feel so bad now, please say something I don't want this to change your work environnment ... "

How could you respond to him, staying professional ? Or admitting that you were so turned on by this picture and him, that you were imagining him touching you, one hand inside your underwear and the second one holding your phone, watching this picture again and again. He was large and the perfect size like how you like it. It was too late for your brain to function properly when you already had a press to send a message your thumbs wrote on it's own.

" You turned me on "

Shit ... that's all you had written ? The realisation hit you, what did you just do ... Why were you feeling so dirty right now but you were so excited to see his response, to see how he will react, that was a bit perverted of you but it felt so good to let yourself go lose like this. Too bad it was with basically one of your bosses ... The dots appeared so quick on the screen ... that's it you went too far and you are about to get kicked out of that team.

" Turn you on ? "

...

" Ohhhh ... "

" OH "

He was freaking out, of course he was freaking out. You were about to write something when the next text came at your surprise.

" You like it ? "

Oh god, he is entering a dangerous game now, first him sending you a pic and then you lose yourself that you respond something completely out of character and now he is playing along with it and you want more, so much more.

" Yeah ... a lot ... don't feel sorry and don't feel ashamed of it "

The anticipation of his next message was burning your inner self.

" I feel proud ... I don't really know what to say actually "

You knew what to do and you did it. You took a picture of your hand down your underwears touching yourself and send him accompanied with a little description " Now we are even "

His response didn't wait long before it came.

" Stop it [YN] are you doing that because of me ? "

You giggle and the vibration of your laugh made you moan somehow, you were feeling so hot right now and your hand was moving slowly to massage you. You were trying your best to not go too fast cause you wanted the pleasure to last, but it was hard writing with only one hand so you pressed the button to dial him. You didn't know if he would pick up but you needed to finish what you started. It rang 3 times before he picked up, both of you went quiet for a moment before you talked with a small almost whispering voice.

" I didn't know if you would pick up "

Lando POV :

What was happening to me, out of everything the person I sent a pic to… it has to be her, the new girl in the team, the actually pretty sexy new girl ... whyyyy ? But I was so surprised to see that she wasn't freaking out, quite the opposite actually, she wasn't as shy and innocent as she makes us all believe and I liked that. I liked that I might be the only one to see the little demon waking up behind that angelic figure. She put me in shock when she wrote that I turned her on, she didn't have much to do and the mystery of this got me so curious and then she sent me a picture of her touching herself, saying we are even ? She was playing a dangerous game here and if I'm not careful I might become addicted to it. She threw me off one more time by calling me, I didn't know what to do and I almost missed the call before picking up. What can I say to her? I hardly speak to her during work time and I don't even know if I would remember her voice.

And then she spoke with the most innocent angelic voice yet kinda out of breath, I wanted to moan just by listening to her but I bit my lips very hard for the sound to not come out of my mouth.

" well I wasn't sure if I could to "

She giggled and I swear I felt a twitch in my pants.

" I'm glad you did "

Her voice was erratic now, and I could bet she was pleasuring herself. Dangerous, mysterious, a little dirty and slightly perverted but in a good way. Knowing that you switch that button in her brain that turns on her just by sending a picture was so exciting to me and made me want her even more. I saw her so many times, the McLaren's team outfit wasn't doing her justice but I could see her pretty curve, she was giving the body of a goddess. She was everything I was attracted to, physically and now knowing this dark side of her, mentally too. I want more, so much more again and I was imagining her touching herself just for me and my mouth opened on it's own, letting sound escaping it have my eyes closed. It took me time before I realised that I was on the phone with her again.

Lando: shittt, [ YN ] what are we doing ?

You : I don't know but I can't stop, not now it's too late

Lando : What are you doing ?

You : You know what I am doing don't you ? And that's on you ..

Damn if I could leave my room right now and meet her in her and take her I would !

Lando : I need you to tell me what you are doing cause I'm going crazy here ..

She paused before talking again.

You : I'm touching myself thinking of you, your hand on me, how warm you would feel on me, how the veins in your arms would pop up...

I bet her fingers were moving rather fast than slow right now cause she whimpered from time to time. For real this woman that I barely know is driving me crazy and knowing that she is just a couple meters away from me. I love it so much because it feels like she is a forbidden fruit, a delicious one that I can't touch but desperately want and need now that I almost had the taste of it.

You : And you, what are you doing ?

You POV

You were far from the edge but you felt the tingling spike between your legs, he could go quick or slow, the orgasm was preparing itself, sending you electricity randomly.

Lando : I'm slowly caressing myself down to go and take myself thinking of you, your hair tingling my skin, how your hands feel on my naked torso and so far you look absolutely gorgeous.

You bit your lips so hard at how he pictured perfectly what was going on in your mind, you were in symbiosis. There was a question burning your lips for so long already and you really wanted to ask him so you dare so.

You : Do you wanna come into my room ?

Lando : Are you sure ? I'm pretty sure there are some rules that we can't cross.

You : They don't need to know and even if they know if you take the responsibility they can't do anything.

Lando : Oh trust me I will take the responsibilities for it.

You : Then come to room 155, and be quick and quiet cause there are other people on the team in the next rooms.

You hung up the phone and quickly went to the bathroom, you didn't know what was going on in your head to be so bold but you needed it so much, you needed him so much. You check yourself in the mirror, you were supposed to sleep in a big oversize mclaren tee shirt with just a pj short that we could barely see because of the shirt.

Lando soon knocks on the door twice and you jump off the bed to go and open it. As soona so do so you bring him by the shirt and crash your lips into his. He pushes you inside the room and closes the door behind you, pinning you against the wall. He was kissing you with so much passion, literally eating your lips, tasting all of you like you were something rare that he will never taste again. His hands went under your shirt and he was surprised to see that you didn't have a bra. His palms found themself at home on each side of your breast lifting you before holding you from your thighs. You were mesmerized to see such a young shy man like him being so confident right now and that turns you on even more. Your legs were now crossed around him not letting him now that you had him, hands in his curls playing with them. He was like a puppy when you pulled them a little bit, breaking the kiss, closing his eyes and moaning into your ears, what a beautiful melody it was. He kissed your jaw mufflying something as soon as he met your neck.

Lando : I want you so much

You thought you misheard it and your heart went crazy like it wanted to escape your chest. He pushed both of you on the bed, making you bounce on the mattress and unlock yourself from him, you whined a bit missing his contact already and he laughed before pausing, watching you sit on your elbow.

You : What

Lando : You are so hot in that McLaren tee shirt but you would look even more perfect in one of my shirts.

You : Then next time you will give me one or I will still have one of yours but for now just come here.

And you bring him once more by the aim of his shirt, taking it off in the process of kissing again. Your tongues were shyly meeting a first contact with each other before finding their pace and dancing together. How could they fit so well with each other ? You both felt something like you never felt before and it caught you both off guard that you moaned in harmony before looking at each other.

You : I don't think I can wait that long, I need you now Lando.

Lando POV :

The way she says my name, man, I will always remember this moment, her under me looking like a greek goddess, the way her eyes were on me, eating me alive ... Like the dude I don't remember who said I now understand what it is to burn for someone cause I was burning of desire for her. I don't think I could ever get tired of her eyes begging me to touch her, her breath itching as I touch a sensitive spot. The way her body moves as I take off her shirt throwing on the ground. How she giggled when my head got stuck in my own shirt as she tried to pull it off me. I don't know what angels sound like but I'm pretty sure it's close to her voice.

When I kissed her on her neck, going down to her chest. Her skin reacts giving her shivers that she digs her nails in my back, lifting her chin in pure pleasure.

All the imagination I had of her like this became reality and it was better than what I had ever dreamt of. She was the definition of warm and erotistic and she was so vulnerable in front of me gladly giving me her approval to take advantage of her.

You POV :

You were both almost naked only your bottom part was still on but not for long, you graciously took off your shorts putting it down with your feet before you turned your focus on his grey pants showing already how big his bulge was. You didn't need to imagine how he must be because you've already seen it and you couldn't wait to see it for real. Lando stands on his knees letting you pull down the jogging letting his member finally free from any fabric. As he goes down again to attack you on your lips he takes the rest of his pants off. It was so intimate to both be naked like this, your skin feeling his, connecting like two wires cable sending each other electricity. There was something real happening between you too, there were the physic attraction yes but it was so much more than sex and you weren't even at that part yet. He was taking his time with you, testing your patience, how much of a self control he had cause you just wanted to have him inside of you, but he decided overwise, instead he went down between your legs kissing them and licking them before blowing on it which made you arch your back.

You : Stop it already I can't take it anymore ...

Lando : Shut up ... I know you enjoyed it

Oh my god, you never knew you had kink for that, him being dominante like that, his voice vibrating down your legs was extremely disturbing for you cause that made you inner self react on his own, twisting inside and making moaning louder than usual. Oh that was dangerous, you felt like he could make you cum without actually touching you and now he knows it and will use it as an advantage. His tongue was running on you, coming way too close to your inner thigh. He paused, tilting his head a bit to look at you in the eyes before connecting his lips to you. That was the hottest thing you ever experienced and now feeling his wet tongue there, eating you like you were his favorite dessert, you didn't know how long you could last. You were arching your back one more time, your breath going erratically quick. You couldn't keep your eyes open for more than 10 seconds to look at him and your hands end up finding their place in his hair, messing his curly locks, holding on to whatever you could to not cum right away. His tongue was playing with your entrance and your clitoris.

After playing for so long he tongue was becoming numb but that didn't matter to you cause you came to the edge , grooming so loud, your hands still his hair, pulling him to you to kiss him and testing yourself by the same occasion. That was the first time a man ever made you cum just with his mouth like that, usually they stay there a bit and wanted to be inside you as quick as possible but Lando was different, he was here for your pleasure, only focussing on you, putting him in second place and you heart was melting at that thought. You kiss him gently, slowly with every feeling that you could pass him on. You both needed to take a break to breathe but you wanted more again. You wanted to make him feel how he made you feel, so you pinned him down, his back finally finding the mattress and you rode him, sitting on his knees to have access to his penis. He was so ready for you that you could see precum on his tip. He was looking at you carefully with anticipation because he knew what was coming, he pushed your hair to the side to see your face already redden from the orgasm and all the heat you've just had. His hand stayed accidently a little longer than attended to your check and you lean on it closing your eyes.

Lando POV :

She tested so sweet and I felt like I've been intoxicated by her, she was driving me insane and she was responding to every touch I had on her, even right now with my hand on her cheek she was so adorable with her dark eyes, her sex face. I never felt so drowned to someone like that. I was so glad that I accidently sent her this picture, cause I never would have dreamed to have her naked on top of me where all I could think about for the past month she entered the family was her. I couldn't stop looking at me and I was relieved to see that her eyes were closed so she couldn't see how much I was falling in love with her. I don't think my eyes would be able to hide my affection for her.

You POV :

You opened your eyes again, leaving a kiss on his palm before taking two of his fingers in your mouth, locking your eyes with his. This mouvement came naturally to you as you were feeling so relaxed with him and his eyes said it all. He was so into this kind of foreplay and he bites his lips so much that the blood wasn't circulating properly on them anymore. That was the signal you needed to finally lay your hand on his stomach, caressing him until you approached his member. His lips closed so fast to not groan out loud but you could still hear him and you saw his part twitching on its own. The fact that he was reacting to every touch you made on him the same way that you were for him and you smiled too bright and confirmed to you that it was so right, you two together.

You start rubbing his tips with your thumb and his head almost hits the bedhead, his hands rubbing your thighs. You stroke him a couple times before leaning your mouth on him, licking the precum that was escaping from him before slowly taking him, your lips closing themself on him putting pressure on his edge. You were looking at him like he did with you earlier but you didn't break eye contact, going up and down and flicking your tongue from time to time, drawing the popping veins of his dick. He felt so warm in you but you didn't know if you took him deeper in your throat, you tried slowly but ended up having gag reflex so you had to pull him out. He got so concerned at the sound you just made.

Lando : Please don't if you can't, I don't need it, having you already like that enough for me ...

He paused, taking a breath of air before continuing.

Lando : You have no idea how much I'm controlling myself right now, not cuming in your mouth cause I want to feel you.

You didn't know if this man under you had any experience with women before but if he didn't, well he was so good at talking during it or maybe it was because you were so aroused right now that he could have said anything to you and you would still lose it for him.

Lando : Come here, love, I don't want you to hurt your throat, that's not part of the plan, I want to make you feel good and only good.

He took your hands, making you lay on him, your hand intertwined on top of his head, testing himself a bit as he caught your lips. He let go of your hand to grab you on the side of your hip and reverse your position, taking back things under his control. You got a surprise and a giggle escaped your mouth which made him smile so bright. You kiss the smile away pulling him again by the next with a bit of violence. Both of you were fighting for dominance at this point, your make out session proving the point, teeth ... tongue, biting each other's lips until one of you bleed. You were both tearing each other apart when you felt his tips already at your entrance, his hand positioning himself at the right place, teasing you in the process of it before pushing himself a bit in you, waiting for you to tell him the next move. You adjust yourself before nodding so he could enter deeper, but he stops again when you bite your lips and makes a painful face.

Lando : Take your time love, tell me when you are ready

He was so careful, how could you resist him and on top of that it's the second time he is calling you love ? You wished he actually could call you babe or baby, it was already intimate but you wanted to be even more on the mind level. After seconds you finally felt the pain being replaced by that nice pleasure when he adjusted himself on top of you to be more comfortable, the movement of his penis in your making you moan. He took that as a signal and fully entered you. Despite being large and long, you were so ready for him that he didn't have to stretch your walls and you weren't feeling tight for him. He felt amazing in you, you were full of him, of his passion and his desire for you.

Lando : You okay ?

You : mmh mhhh you can move

And he did start, going back and forth taking the time to appreciate every friction, every sensation, every stimulation it was providing you both. You loved how his head rested on your neck, having him breath on your skin, kissing it as he kept thrusting in you with one arm holding you back to make you more comfortable, the second arm holding both of your hands over your head. He was being soft but still so dominant and you liked it so much, you were starting to develop a serious feeling for him by each minute you were spending with him. Both of you were a mix of moan, yelp, whimps cry and groan ... you were both a mess but you were in harmony. Every deep thrust he had made you arch your back even more for him, giving him more access to you. He went down kissing and playing with your breast making you lose control due to the erogenous spot.

Suddenly he came out of you and you were missing the sensation already, he wanted to switch position cause his legs were about to give up for him. So he sits on the bed and you sit on him, positioning yourself to go down on him. He was finally back in you after a deep push that surprised you and made you cry out loud his name, but it felt weird so suddenly and you looked at each other agreeing on that weird connection you just had. It felt like he was home ... like you and him were made for each other, your body completing each other perfectly. It was again so natural between you, you kept riding him switching between a slow pace and a quick one. Your head was starting to spin as you felt your second orgasm of the night coming. He was close to the edge as well but you beat him to it as you quicken the pace, him holding you so tight as he bites your neck making you wimps. You came in a big moan, whispering his name in his ear.

Lando POV :

As she came under me she was whispering my name and it was the most sexiest and beautiful thing I ever heard. Hearing my name be said like this gives me some weird feeling in my stomach. I was addicted to this girl and I lost myself because she was mine in this instant and I was hers. I want her today, tomorrow and every day that the world wants to give us together. I felt her shaking from her release and that tense my length. I was so close but I wanted this feeling to last forever and it was starting to be painful for me . The overstimulation wasn't helping her and she was completely wrecked by me at every push I was infliging on her but I couldn't stop until she found the courage to take my face with both of her hands forcing me to look at the darkness in her eyes. She sweetly kisses me, peeking my lips multiple times before holding my jaw and turning it on the side to give herself enough space to play in my neck and under my ears. She was a rare diamond, this one for real, how in hell did I find her ? She was always finding new ways to put me in a place where sanity wasn't possible. She was playing with my ears until I heard her low voice.

You : Please Lando, I need you to cum for me baby.

As soon as the word baby left her lips I was gone, in a last thrust I released myself in her, wimping like never before. The weight that left my body right now, indescriptible, incredible. She was smiling so much and now looking at me with soft eyes. I am in love with her.

You POV :

After so long he finally came in you and the spirkes you felt in you were breathtaking, You couldn't believe that you just had this ... the best sex in your entire life. You couldn't help yourself and had to look at him with so much love after that. " Say it again " he said to you almost inaudibly for you to understand.

You : What ?

Lando : Call me baby again

And you did again, kissing him, mouth opened. It took a long time for you to finally detach yourself from him. You were both exhausted but the mutual feeling of satisfaction like you were on a cloud right now, high from all the endorphins you released with your orgasms. You could barely walk to the bathroom and you both used each other for support. How can sex can be so draining, you were going to be in trouble tomorrow but you didn't care, if you could do it again, you would one hundred percent. Despite the fact he was as tired as you, Lando took care of you and helped you clean yourself before searching his tee shirt on the ground and giving it to you. You gladly accepted it and put it on before going back to bed. You looked at him, he didn't know what to do now, becoming the shy man you first met a couple weeks ago, desperate in the look like something was really bugging him.

You : What's happening ?

Lando : I have to go back to my room

You : No

There is no way that after that you will be separated so quickly, you open your cover for him to join you.

You : You aren't going anyway mister, bring back your sexy ass next to me right now.

Relief could be felt on his face as he jogged to come and snuggle in bed with you before you both fell asleep in each other's arms, completely glued to each other. You didn't know what was going to happen in the morning when they were going to search him everywhere and find out he disappeared from his room but you didn't care at this moment, you were ready to face any consequences because after all you weren't the wrong number anymore.

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btsxmalereaders · 4 years ago

Text

'Cause I Like You

Pairing: Yang Jeongin x male reader.

Prompt: "H-how long have you been standing there?" / "Long enough."

Word Count: 1,5k

Fluff | Requested

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Don't forget to vote on whosfan and stream!

"Well, it's not like I haven't dated before." Changbin says as he plops down in the sofa, without taking his eyes off his phone screen. "So it doesn't feel any different."

"Now you have to be extra careful if you don't want it to be public, though." Chan intervenes. "Or at least you have the freedom to announce it whenever you and your partner decide."

As they keep talking about dating and how some other rules of the company, Jeongin seems to be more interested on the conversation he's having with you over the phone.

He chuckles from time to time, typing as soon as he receives a message from you. Your conversations for now consisted on sending each other memes and funny videos you found, and Jeongin always found that refreshing when he needed a break from his schedule. He also appreciated how you always are there from him, listening to whatever he needed to let out and to advising him when he was troubling. You were best friends for many reasons, but the fact that Jeongin would always find comfort and understanding in you, was priceless.

"Uh, Earth calling Innie, can you hear us?"

"Jeongin!" Chan finally makes him take his eyes off his phone by raising his voice a little. "How much are you doing on the phone? Ever since you came in you're smiling and texting."

"The dating ban just finished a couple of days ago and you've already found a partner? You really don't waste your time, do you?" Changbin laughs, making the younger blush.

"Shut up, I'm just texting Y/N."

"That's the only thing you've been doing lately, you finally gathered up the courage to confess to him your feelings?" Changbin casually comments, making Chris laugh as well.

"What? I don't- I-"

"Please," He cuts off. "We weren't born yesterday. It's quite obvious at this point and denying it is really useless."

Jeongin looks at Chan, wanting him to defend him and say that Changbin is wrong, but he simply shrugs. "What do you want me to say?"

"You're the worst." He simply states and continues typing, this time with trembling hands and reddened cheeks as he tries to hide the growing smile on his face.

So what if he has a crush on you, anyways? Jeongin never thought of confessing before as you two have a great friendship that you deeply cared about and has been really meaningful since you were kids; plus, as oblivious as it sounds, he hasn't noted any interest from you, so he is at least thankful he can have you as a friend.

"It'd be no surprise to see people confessing to you sometime soon, you know?" Chan says and pats his shoulder, now changing the tone of his voice to sound a bit more sweet. "Our Innie has always been so cute."

"You're embarrassing him." Changbin chuckles.

"I know, it's my duty as his hyung." He jokes and stands up. "Don't be shy around us about this stuff. You don't have to hide how you feel."

Before Jeongin can say anything about it, Chan exits the room with a smile and a small and careful movement to ruffle his hair.

Y/N - 04:48 p.m.

let's meet up later? :)

He nervously types his answer and sends it, trying to ignore how Changbin is repeating how cute he looks blushed just to tease him.

He may do something about his feelings, but not until he knew for sure you felt the same way.

To his own surprise, the words addressed to him a few hours ago by his leader came true. As he was leaving the building to meet you, a girl of his age whom he knew quite well and with whom he had started a good friendship walked towards him shyly, her cheeks so red and her hands trembling behind her back as she was holding a small box with chocolates.

Jeongin smiles and greets her as usual, not knowing her intentions and just listening carefully to her stumbling as she tries to calm down and properly confess her feelings for him.

In that precise moment, you walk to the building, not expecting to find that scene as soon as you step in. Your hands grip tighter the small bouquet of sunflowers you just bought and turn on your heels immediately, making your way back to whatever place you find empty to take a deep breath and maybe vent out. Of course, not being aware that Jeongin saw you from the corner of his eye and with the intentions to find you as soon as he could.

Jeongin was moved, for sure. But he didn’t feel that way about her. He tried to be as careful and considered with her feelings, but had to tell her that, even though he was flattered, he couldn’t reciprocate those feelings. He didn’t say it out loud, but for a moment he wished it was you saying those words instead of her.

She understood it right away, and with a shy smile, apologies from him and a hug, she walked away. Jeongin rushed to the exit and almost ran in the direction where you walked too, making quick stops at the front of restaurants and shops, hoping he'd find you there.

His heart is beating fast, and he spends a few more minutes walking and running from side to side, earning stares from the people around him but he doesn't seem to give up on finding you.

He walks to a nearby park and just as he is about to pick up his phone and call you, he sees you sitting on one of the park benches, and gets closer from behind you when he realizes you are talking out loud.

It's easy for him to tell you were feeling down; the way your voice sounds already gives away that you were trying not to cry.

"...'i really like you'? And then what? What was I expecting? Of course he only sees me as a friend." You groan, covering your face with your hands out of frustration. "Now I have to pretend that him dating another person doesn't hurt me... If I were only a few seconds early... Would it have changed a thing?"

"If it makes you feel better, you weren't late." He simply says, walking around the bench to stand right in front of you.

The expression on your face was a poem as soon as you realized he was there; had he heard you complaining? Why was he even there, in the first place?

"Jeongin," You hesitated, feeling embarrassed. "H-how long have you been standing there?"

He sweetly smiles at you, "Long enough."

"Oh, uhm-"

"Can you say it again, please?" He pleads, and you immediately know what he's talking about.

Your whole feelings for him could be better explained in a lot of words, but right now all you need to say is simple. "Jeongin, I really like you."

Jeongin's smile becomes bigger, and you swear your heartbeats could be heard by him now. He extends his hand for you to take it, so you do, standing up and being closer to him. His hands carefully travel from your wrists to your shoulders, and he takes another small step so that you can feel his fresh breath against the skin of your lips, longing for a sweet kiss. "Y/N, I really like you too."

Finally, you hear those words you've been dreaming with for a while. You put your hands on his waist and get a few millimeters closer, feeling like you're on cloud 9 while being on his arms.

You're barely a few centimeters apart but Jeongin still asks: "Can I kiss you?"

"Yes," You nod. "Please."

Now with your eyes closed, he makes that last movement it was needed to make for your lips to finally meet. It's sweet; the velvety and tickling feeling making you feel butterflies in your stomach.

Jeongin is careful, subtly sliding his hands to the back of your neck and his lips slightly parting in an attempt to deepen the kiss. You quickly keep up with him, still slow and gentle.

You both pull apart as the seconds pass, recovering from the dizziness in your heads as you two experienced something you've been yearning, so intimate and significant. Your smiles adorn your flushed faces and the tips of your noses brush against each other.

Jeongin moves his hands to embrace you and leave more kisses on your cheeks, losing all sorrow and just letting the happiness act for him.

"Oh." He murmurs and you separate from him. "You got those for me?"

You turn on your feet to look at the abandoned sunflowers on the bench and you chuckle, picking them up and extending them out for him. "I did. You like them?"

Jeongin takes them with another shy smile, "I love them. Thank you."

"You used to say that if someone were to ask you out someday, you'd want them to give you sunflowers, so... I had to."

"That was years ago, how did you even remember that?"

"I set that as a reminder for the time I gathered up the courage to ask you out," You simply say and take his free hand. "So now I am taking you out. Shall we?"

Jeongin giggles and leaves a quick kiss on your lips. "Yes, let's do that."

#stray kids x male reader #kpop x male reader #skz x male reader #stray kids x m!reader #stray kids x reader #stray kids male reader #jeongin x reader #jeongin x male reader #yang jeongin #kpop x reader #kpop imagines #requested #stray kids mlm #jeongin x y/n

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clairecrive · 4 years ago

Text

“Burn” - Bane x reader [Requested]

A/N: this is for this anon. Thanks again for requesting! I missed writing for Bane.

Warnings: angst

Word count: 2.5K

Taglist: @mollybegger-blog, @evelynshelby, @br0ck-eddie, @sopxhiea, @shadow-of-wonder, @fandom--0verdose, @fuseburner, @kind-wolf, @innerpaperexpertcloud (let me know if you wanna be added or removed)

The vastity of the night sky had always helped y/n ease her worries. Surely, whatever was bothering her couldn’t be as big and impossible to solve as she was making it out to be. Because, would you look at that? The universe is so big and we’re so small, so insignificant. and that applied to her problems too.

At least that was what she always told herself whenever she’d feel lost and hopeless. Thinking this way helped her put things into perspective. And sure, not everything was as easily solved but, even in that case, it helped a bit.

And so here they were, she and Bane were laying down staring up at the starry sky. Sometimes, they would spend it in silence, just enjoying the warmth and comfort the other’s body would bring. Others, like this one, they would easily fall into conversations about everything and nothing.

“Was there someone special in your life? Someone you wish to get back to?”

“You mean, romantically?”

He nodded.

“No. Single for life.” She did a peace sign to lighten up her embarrassment but Bane was curious and did not pay it any mind.

“You mean to tell me that you’ve never given your heart to anyone?”

“Well, if you put it that way I have to change my answer to yes. Being in a relationship with someone and giving someone your heart are two wholly different things.”

“Let me rephrase then. Have you ever been in love?”

She really thought about the answer, her mind going back to any romantic involvement she might have had during her life. Even if she scouted her memories, she found that it wasn’t a yes or no question.

“I guess,” not only was the word she chose explicative of her indecision but the tentative tone of her voice left no doubts as to where she was standing. But Bane was confused, to say the least.

“I’ve always been under the impression that love was one of those things where absolute certainty was involved when it came to its presence or absence.”

“I don’t know what to tell you. I have had mostly one-sided crushes, you know?” she started but Bane could see the faraway look in her eyes and knew that she had more to tell but was lacking the right words. So he waited.

“I said ‘I guess’ because I don’t really know what love is. I mean, everyone has a different take on it depending on their experiences but I don’t think I’ve ever felt it,” she paused turning to meet his eyes, “once there was a guy I strongly had feelings for. Even that was one-sided though and it took me a long time to recover from that because he was my best friend at the time. Looking back to it, I guess it was love or the closest thing to it that I’ve ever felt for someone. It hasn’t happened again though so I don’t have anything to compare it to.”

“Maybe it wasn’t love, just deep infatuation. Or maybe I just confused my love for him as a friend for something more. I don’t know. I guess I’ll figure it out when I fall in love with someone else. “ She concluded and refrained from correcting that when with if. she couldn’t see herself being as lucky as to have someone that cared about her and that loved her in the future. But Bane didn’t need to know that.

Turns out that those unspoken words had become a sort of oracle, ‘cause here they were now, years after they had that conversation. Just when she thought that she had found that one person to share her life with, to give her heart to, life quickly come into play letting her know that that wasn’t the case.

Because the man that had saved her from a destiny worse than death, who had given her hope and made her trust him to the point where she had felt safe enough to open up to him and allow him close to her heart, had now shattered whatever remained of it.

"So let me get this straight, first you save my life than you decide to keep me with you so you basically kidnap me, get me to fall in love with you, put me through an insanely difficult training so that I could stay with you but it was all done in vain because now you’re sending me away?"

"I'm not sending you away but you cannot stay here anymore. I’m doing this for you."

"And why is that? What changed?" and when Bane stayed silent she added, "what happened to 'I want you always' ?"

"I did not lie to you." His words were in striking contrast to the ones he had said before but y/n had learned to read him and could tell that this time he was not lying. But then the question naturally arises, what's really going on?

Nothing out of order had happened in the last few days. Bane and she had been the same as always, even his work had proceeded as usual. So what was it? What was she not thinking about? What was she not seeing?

Letting her mind go back through the last day to fat check that nothing happened, she went through their actions. Light breakfast together followed by a not so light tête à tête then they trained together until he had to deal with something for his work and she had occupied herself otherwise. She had called him to see when she could get dinner started and he said that he had a meeting with Talia first but had come right after. They had dinner and while they consumed their healthy and perfectly balanced meal she shared with him whatever came to her mind while he ate in silence. See, nothing out of order.

Wait a minute...

He went to meet Talia.

"It's her, isn't it?" Suddenly, everything was clear. She knew what had happened, what had changed. And she sneered at the pull Talia had on him. Suddenly, she understood but at the same time, the last year lost its meaning.

"I just wish I realized earlier that you didn't care about me as much as you said you did," turning she went to her cabinet to get her stuff, "I wouldn't have put myself through so much otherwise."

Nodding, she knew what she had to do. She had to leave. There was no reason to stay. Resolute and defeated she put everything her eyes fell on that was hers in a little bag. Clothes, lingerie, cosmetics, books. But when her eyes landed on the little box where she kept everything connected to him, her heart broke further and her anger was fueled.

In there, there was every present Bane ever gave her. Every little thing that made her think of him in some way. The letters he wrote her whenever spoken words failed him. She knew that going through its content would equal to a chronology of their relationship. If it was possible her heart broke even more. Everything she did to stay with him, everything he did to keep her now was all vain. She gave up so much for him, for a man. Her former self would be ashamed of her and knew that her heartbreak was contributing to making her feel something akin to that.

"Here," she said walking where he was standing, "take this. I don't want it anymore," and she threw it at his feet. The only acknowledgement on his part was a tilt of his head but it wasn't needed. He knew what it was and what she kept inside of it. He felt a pang in his heart but kept his face void of any emotion.

"I'll want you always," she said mocking his voice, still stuffing stuff in her bag and chuckled with mirth, "what a load of bullshit."

"Actually," stilling for a second, with a shirt cramped in her fist she faced him, "I am the biggest clown between us because I believed you." retrying her stuffing, shaking her head she added in a whisper, "I should have known better," but Bane heard.

As soon as he decided on this course of action, he had also prepared for her reaction. He knew her well and so far she hadn't done anything that he hadn't expected. And while he had been ready, he couldn't help but feel hurt by her words. He knew how she was looking at this situation, knew that his words had led her to believe it to be so. At the same time, a little part of him wished for her to oppose to his words, to see right through them and see that he was lying. That he had been honest when he had told her those things, he had opened up to her and meant everything. But knew that she was too lost to rage and hurt to think clearly. And it was also the reason why she was acting up and had thrown the box on the floor. He knew that she deeply cared about it and what it meant to her. He almost thought of offering some kind of comfort, to give her some hint about what was really going on. But knew that it would be unfair to her. After all, he was doing for the sake of her safety.

“You know,” her voice brought him back and his eyes were immediately drawn to her, “isn’t it funny how you man always pride yourselves to be strong and all that bullshit when even someone like you, who’s the epitome of masculinity and strength, at the end is totally subjected to a woman?”

They would always have this kind of conversation. Bane, being a leader of a huge army, had the tendency to be bossy. Even in situations when it wasn’t needed. It was just who he was and he felt the need to remind her of his alfa status an unnecessary lot of times. While she could enjoy this inclination of his when they were in bed, she definitely couldn’t stand it in their everyday life. And now, it made her feel stupid that she had to put with it and learn how to deal with it but when it came to Talia, he just did whatever she told him to. Also, this changed her consideration of him. What a clown. She had tried to warn him about his rather toxic relationship with Talia but he’d always get angry and dismiss the conversation either by leaving or shouting at her. She could remember their last fight about it like it was yesterday. It was also the first time that she had ever doubted her relationship with him. The first time that she had thought that maybe she had made a mistake by staying with him, by falling in love with him. Maybe she should have left as soon as she had rescued her. It wasn’t for the motive of their fight, neither her jealousy and worry about his relationship with Talia, but it had all to do with what he shouted her in rage that made her blood run cold and her heart shatter. For it was said that angry and drunk people were the more honest ones. And since that moment she couldn’t help but wonder if he really thought what he said to her or if it was just an impulse propelled by anger as he had explained.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have saved you.”

And then, as if that wasn’t enough, he decided to twist the knife further.

“I told you not to fall in love with me.”

As if one could choose who they fell for, she remembers thinking.

Those words still haunted her to this day. It happened a while ago and Bane had made it up to her, mostly. But it was in situations like this that they would come back and mock her for even forgiving him and thinking that he loved her as she loved him. To think that even a small part of him thought that it was best that he had left her to suffer in the hands of a sex abuser until he would have eventually tired of her and killed made her sick. How could anyone say something like that to another human being? One they presumedly loved? She couldn’t wrap her head around it. Bane had then explained that by that he didn’t mean leaving her with her captor but simply bring her with him and keeping her with him. Despite the fact that his explanation made sense, y/n still didn’t think it made things better.

And as for his second statement, it went mostly unmentioned.

Sure, that had been something he had told her in the beginning. It was after her training required them to spend most of their days together since he wanted to attend to it personally. Y/n knew that being in the military and with his past, it wasn’t easy for Bane to show emotions let alone let someone close enough to him to allow himself to love them. She understood that. She had a few things she was dealing with that made it difficult for her to entertain the idea of something more between them.

But that was almost a year ago. So much had happened in their life and between them that even though the words were not spoken aloud, she felt the shift in both their behaviours when it came to them. Hell, they even started dating.

Not that any of them labelled it that way. But that was beside the point.

They slept together, they ate together every meal, they lived together. If there was a band on both their left ring fingers and it was a more conventional setting, people would assume they were married.

While y/n didn’t like thinking about what they had in that way, she surely considered the commitment they had made to each other equivalent to a marriage.

She hadn’t considered Talia though.

Or at least, she had hoped that if she ever would try and come between them, Bane would stand up for her.

Turns out that she really was foolish.

“Whatever, I guess it’s not my problem anymore.” Giving him her back again, she closed the almost full bag and went to put on some shoes and coat.

“I don’t have any use for it, you should take it with you.”

“Neither have I. Burn it, see if I care.”

And with that, y/n turned around and walked out of their shared apartment at last.

It hurt to say the words, it hurt that things had ended to abruptly, it hurt that even after all this time he didn’t care about her, it hurt like hell but y/n was resolute in leaving all of this behind her. Yes, it wasn’t going to be easy and maybe it would be like leaving a hot fire trail behind her but at one point the fire would burn out, wouldn’t t?

It may take a while but she would be okay,

#bane #bane dcu #bane imagine #bane x reader #bane imagines #bane one shot #bane angst #like super angst #mention of Talia #bane x oc #tom hardy bane #TDKR #tom hardy x reader #tom hardy imagines

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karmelek-writes · 4 years ago

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comfort zone | part 2

Harrison Osterfield x fem!reader, Tom Holland x fem!reader

Synopsis: What do you do when you love them but want someone else?

Word count: 2.9k

Warnings: slight angst, swearing, suggestive comments, mentions of sex, there will be smut in other parts

Read part 1 here!

A/N: Hey guys! This is part two of the "comfort zone". I wanted to thank you all again for supporting me and commenting, reblogging, and liking part 1! I hope you like this one too. Let me know what you think! Also, if anyone would like to be added to the taglist, please message me! I'll create one soon.

Love, W 🖤

When you sat down next to the blonde you immediately sensed that he tensed. You didn’t like how the things between you turned out to be so awkward. You two were never like that. And now you were scared to say a word to him. Suddenly texting seemed more appealing so you took out your phone again and started typing. You noticed Harrison glancing at you as if he tried to see if you are in a good mood for taking up this conversation. He didn’t want to be noisy and check who you’re texting so he quickly shifted his head to the slides that were displayed by your professor. However, he looked down at his phone when he felt it vibrate just to see that he got a message from you. Frowning, he touched the icon of your contact and read your message.

From Y/N:

Want to go out for a drink with me?

You watched him looking through the text anxiously, hoping that he didn’t get the wrong idea. You wanted to make things right, not only because you hated having unfinished business with people but also because you liked him and his company. Another thing was that he was Tom’s friend. You wouldn’t want him to feel bad about your misunderstanding with his best friend. When you opened your mouth to add something, Harrison turned to you with a lovely little smile. When he nodded some loose curls fell on his face making you smile in return and laugh inside. You didn’t miss the light in his eyes when you moved your hand slightly to put his hair back in its place just as you did with Tom. This time, however, you stopped midway and a crimson flush crept into your face. The blonde’s smile turned into a smirk when he caught up to your actions and before you could do something he moved a little closer to you to give you a chance to brush the messy curls out of his face. But instead of that, you slapped him on the arm and sank deeper into your seat what brought a laugh out of Harrison. He thought that you were adorable in your shyness and he definitely enjoyed making you flustered. The simple gesture made you hope that maybe nothing is lost yet. You just had to apologise and assure him that what had happened was just an accident. It would be easy, wouldn’t it?

After your lecture and interaction with Harrison, you felt a lot lighter. Your mind was at peace again and you could enjoy yourself knowing that everything will be alright between Harrison and you. When you got home the first thing you did was to lay down on a sofa. With a smile on your face, you stretched your body and closed your eyes. This moment of silence was what you needed after all these hours of anxiety and stress. Breathing deeply you slowly started to drift to sleep when the sound of the door opening brought you back to reality.

“I just got the best news EVER,” very excited Tom marched through the door with an enormous smile on his face. Noticing you laying on the sofa he stopped dead in his tracks hoping that he didn’t wake you. Looking up, you had to laugh at his wild eyes gaze, and tensed figure. You stood up to greet your best friend opening your arms for him. Tom smiled widely and embraced you in a tight hug but his strength and force made you lose your balance and collapse back on the couch. Brunette landed on top of you and you yelped in surprise. You could feel his weight on you but for some reason, it didn’t bother you at all. Actually, you found it really nice to be able to enjoy the way his muscles flexed when he tried to steady himself not to crush you. For anyone who walked through the door, the scene would seem unpleasant but you were comfortable feeling the heat radiating from his body. Every since you two started hanging out, a feeling of comfort and mutual understanding was created. With Tom things were always easy, you didn’t argue much and on top of that, it was really hard for awkwardness in your relationship. You loved him for his incredible ability to turn bad situations into good ones and brush everything off with laughter. Yet, this time you haven’t heard him giggling or saying some playful words to make you blush. You moved your head to look him in the eyes and this time you saw something you’ve never seen before. His gaze studied your face patiently, not missing any spot on your skin. His mouth was slightly agape as he tried to find the right words to say but your beauty was so mesmerising he couldn’t tear his eyes away from you. Your bodies were so close that you could feel his shallow breath on your face and you started wondering why was he so nervous out of a sudden. Little did you know that Tom has realised something at that moment. He realised he couldn’t find any flaw in you despite watching you the whole time. He realised that you make him the happiest and that he would never be the same without you. And most importantly, Tom realised that he could never make you as happy as he wished to. He has always made sure you were doing alright and that you knew he was there but he couldn’t force himself to love you. He tried, he really tried to develop some feelings. He would lay in bed at night thinking about you and what is wrong with him that he can’t love such an amazing person. Tom never believed in soulmates but he truly thought you had his heart and soul. When you were gone, he always felt like there was something missing. A puzzle that combines his messy lifestyle with his fucked up mind. You always had the right things to say to make him feel better and he never felt like you were judging him. He truly found someone with a pure heart and soul that is right for him and understands him without words. But if you weren’t the right one, where were they? Truthfully, Tom was tired of being alone. He wanted someone to love him and he wanted someone to love. You were there for him but somehow it wasn’t enough. He lacked the feeling of crazy love. He wanted it to consume him and intoxicate all his senses. He wanted to be in a daze that would make him do all the cheesy stuff his friends would tease him about but he wouldn’t care because of the happiness. It killed him that it wasn’t you. He knew that, all too well, but he didn’t stop being close to you. He wouldn’t dare to even try and lose you. At that moment he knew that he would take up every fight to keep you by his side even if it meant to hurt himself because despite all that you were his home and he needed you to breathe. You were his safe zone and if he couldn’t have you by fate, he would have you by choice.

As the seconds passed by your heart started to beat more quickly anticipating his next move. The way Tom was looking at you made you forget how to breathe. All you could do was stare at his beautiful honey brown eyes sparkling in the yellow light of the lamp standing on the table. Finally, after what felt like hours, Tom whispered "I got the job," seemingly getting out of his thoughts but you saw that he was still trying to figure something out in his head.

"This.. this is amazing, Tom," you replied not paying much attention to what he was talking about since all you could do was drool over him.

"Yeah, I'm going to the USA," he laughed like he couldn't believe he got the part but still didn't move one bit. Tom's body was towering over you making it hard for you to focus on his words.

"Mhmm.. I'm proud of you, Tommy," the nickname quickened his heartbeat as he always got warm inside when you called him that. He thought the nickname was childish but he always melted when it came out of your mouth. He wanted to kiss your forehead as an act of thanking you but you suddenly yawned.

"I'm sorry that I woke you up. I was just excited," his pretty smile was replaced by a pout when he remembered the state he found you in. You took his face in your hands and giggled at his cuteness.

"I was just falling asleep, don't worry," you answered truthfully, not wanting him to feel bad for disturbing your peace.

"Are you still sleepy? We can lay down if you want," Tom proposed, concerned about your lack of sleep out of nowhere.

"Well, I'd say we're already laying down..." hesitation was evident in your voice almost as you were worried to bring up the topic. The look on Tom's face shifted quickly after he registered your words and looked down between your bodies. That was when he felt his crutch touching yours and a wave of embarrassment mixed with lust washed over him. He must have got lost in daydreaming about you not to notice that he was basically crunching you. He was surprised you could even breathe in this state. "But.. I-I don't mind..." your words eased his panic but didn't help the blood coming south.

In the trance, you moved your fingers along his smooth skin hoping that would calm him down. You weren't sure what you were doing but you enjoyed this little moment and didn't want it to end. Tracing the shape of his nose you licked your lips what made Tom close his eyes and exhale deeply.

"We need to stop or I'll do something we will both regret," when the words left his mouth you stopped your movement but kept your hands on his face. Tom was scared to open his eyes. He feared for your reaction. A few seconds passed by while you tried to find the right words. Were you surprised? Yes. But you couldn't fight the smile that crept on your face and the butterflies erupting in your stomach. Although, you weren't sure how you felt about what you've just heard you needed to feel him. It may be wrong but you wanted it.

"What if I don't mind?" you said softly just millimeters from his lips. Tom finally opened his eyes at your confession and you could see the confusion painted on his face.

"I-I-I.... Look um..." this was the first time you've seen your best friend so nervous that he couldn't get the words out. He seemed to be really troubled but he finally gave in resting his own hand on your cheek. "W-what does this mean for u-us?" he couldn't help but ask. Tom didn't want you to think that he was just taking advantage out of the situation. He needed to know your point of view on this because he didn't want to hurt you in any way and this was a dangerous field.

"I don't know but I really want this" your words made the brunette's eyes darken. Licking his lips for the last time, he moved your head closer to him and brushed his lips against yours in a sweet but passionate kiss. Your lips were moving softly in sync as if you kissed for the millionth time. You were making out for a good few minutes until the taste of him was so intoxicating you forgot how to breathe and had to pull out for a second to catch some air. Your break didn't last long because Tom pulled you back in taking advantage of your parted lips and pushed his tongue in. You moaned at the action and the sound made Tom thrust his hips against yours. At that moment you felt something poking your thigh. You didn't want to stop your make-out session but you knew you weren't ready to go further yet so you patted his chest softly to signal him that you wanted to stop. Tom pulled out slowly trying to see if he hurt you in any way. "I'm alright," noticing his worried gaze you assured him that there was nothing bad happening. "I'm just umm... not ready for t-the next s-step," suddenly you got anxious hoping that you didn't say anything wrong to make him upset.

"Oh.." was all he said, not fully realising what you were trying to hint on.

"I mean... you know," you looked down at his bulge hoping that he would understand your clue.

"OH!" he followed your gaze and finally caught up to what you meant. "Noo, don't worry about it. We um.. we don't have to go further if you don't want to," Tom tried to make you comfortable but he couldn't hide the flush on his cheeks that was a result of his embarrassment. He didn't know why he felt so awkward out of a sudden. You, on the other hand, felt more confused than awkward. You had to figure out your own feelings towards your best friend but you couldn't lie to yourself and say that you didn't enjoy it because that was probably the most amazing kiss you've ever had.

"Thank you," you didn't really register your words but it seemed that neither did Tom because he started to get up and fixing his clothes and hair. You only watched him, not wanting to move.

"Do you regret it?" Tom asked in a small voice noticing your absent look. He didn't know how to feel about the situation too. He allowed himself to let loose this one time and he just hoped it didn't destroy your friendship.

"Do you regret it?"

"I asked you first."

"Trying to be smart, Holland?" he genuinely smiled at your remark because then he knew that nothing has changed. You wouldn't joke with him if you were mad or upset.

Taking a deep breath, you got up and turned to face Tom. "I don't regret it. Do you?" he let go of a deep breath he didn't even know that was holding and shook his head. "That's... good." you summed up the situation making Tom burst out laughing. "What's so funny?"

"You are so weird," you faked an offended look at what he added "But so am I. That makes us a good match."

You nodded your head because maybe he was right. Maybe you two were a good match.

After the incident, things started to get more intense between you and Tom. You didn’t know if it was your imagination or if he made it his mission to frustrate you even more by caressing you while you were falling asleep or casually holding your hand when going on walks. Whatever it was, it rendered you warm inside. You couldn’t fight your butterflies and stop yourself by slowly falling for your best friend. Subconsciously, you hoped you two would end up together, his family loving you and all your friends saying how you make a good match. However, it didn’t seem as he had any intentions to make the first move. Even though Tom was very touchy with you, he never asked you out or even brought up the subject of the relationship. It was even more confusing because he wasn’t messing around with anyone nor he had any female friends he was interested in. You knew because as your relationship with Harrison started progressing you found yourself gushing to him about Tom. Harrison always tried to assure you that Tom liked you too and after many days of contemplating you decided to talk with him about your feelings. You were even more nervous because he was supposed to leave for the USA for his new job in a couple of days. You weren’t sure where this conversation would leave your relation but the fear wasn’t that strong to stop you from confessing your admiration for him.

Tom invited you to his get-away party so that was when you wanted to talk to him. His family wanted to say a proper goodbye before he would leave for long months that’s why they all came to celebrate his success. You were one of the first few people who has come so you helped around the kitchen and talked a bit to Tom’s brothers. You’ve known these people for so long that at this point you treated them like your own family. You had fun talking with Tom’s grandparents and playing with the youngest members of the family. Tom was watching you from the kitchen with a smile on his face as you were humming Baby shark with children. He loved that you felt so comfortable around his family and that they’ve basically accepted you as their own child. His parents would even ask him about you sometimes, hoping that there was something more between you. He always brushed them off saying that you two were just friends because that was the truth. Even though no one questioned your friendship, everyone knew that it wasn’t just Tom who was coming over, it was always Tom and Y/N. When his parents wanted to invite you for dinner or a nice family gathering they would just tell Tom to pass you the invitation. Everyone treated you two as one because they knew that your bond was special and Tom’s family has never seen him happier than when he was with you. They were grateful that he had someone in his life who kept him grounded. “She’s the one, mate,” is what his brothers keep telling Tom. He would just smile mysteriously because it wasn’t true but he didn’t want to let anyones’ hopes down.

When the children ran away you giggled and glanced at the room to spot someone you could talk to. That was when you noticed Tom at the foot of the stairs who was talking to Harrison. He must have sensed you looking at him because he turned his head directly to you. The action made you smile and you started to make your way to take up a conversation with the boys. After finally scrambling through the crowd, you stood eye to eye with Tom who took your hand and led you to his room. You didn’t know where Harrison went but you guessed that Tom wanted to talk to you about something important. Otherwise, why would he take you to his room giving air to Harrison?

Taglist: @harryhollandsgirlfriend, @osterfieldshollandgirl

#tom holland series #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #harrison osterfield #tom holland #haz osterfield #harrison osterfield x reader

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yrbutchgf · 3 years ago

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hey, i'm feeling a bit insecure in my identity rn and i was wondering if you have any... tips, or anything like that. i'm a lesbian who feels more comfortable in a masc role, and i think i would identify as butch... but i feel like i'm too emotional. i cry SO often. my mental health has been less than stellar for the last 10 years or so lol, so that plays a part, but i'm also just a crier. things that make me cry: criticism, heated discussions, presentations, movie/game/book endings, all music with violins, some music without violins, christmas commercials, those miniature food clay charms... literally everything. and it's always in public too, which is embarrassing enough as it is. and i know that doesn't have to mean anything for my gender identity, but the whole "boys/men don't cry" thing kind of did a number on me lol. i always feel like a little girl when others watch me cry, even though i want to be the protector. sorry for rambling, but i feel like you always have good takes on butchness and stuff like that, so i was wondering if you have any tips on feeling more secure in my butch/masc side :)

ok before i say anything else, thank you, i’m honestly really flattered you think that highly of my takes lol <3 i do try my best, i’m glad i’m able to help people to whatever extent i do with my posts. also, bit of a length warning -- i always set out with the intention of writing succinct responses to asks, but it always gets away from me, and this time "getting away from me" meant "turning into a manifesto." well, oops. c'est la butch/femme.

now to start this answer off: i definitely relate. i’m also pretty emotional. when i get stressed i get really shaky, especially in my hands, and then after that my body turns on the waterworks. i also have a fairly exuberant personality in general, and i'm very expressive with my hands & body language. the only times i’ve ever really fit the stoic archetype have been on accident, usually when i’ve felt uncomfortable in a social situation and it’s come off as strong silence. at the same time, i also don’t like when people see me cry or be emotional in general, especially in public. it makes me feel vulnerable in a way that i don’t like to give most people, and the fact that i can’t fully control when or if i do is uncomfortable. and i think disliking that feeling is totally normal, or at the very least it’s a common boundary to have. regardless of sexuality, gender, or presentation, there’s a social urge to cover up when we’re feeling our feelings, but even beyond that there is, i think, a reflexive, self-preservation level urge to cover up what can be easily damaged. so to an extent, i think it’s natural to shy away from vulnerability.

at the same time, the urge to push down one’s tears is not necessarily a HEALTHY urge, only a COMMON one, because you’re right: emotionality has no bearing on your gender or what roles you can take up. some of my best butch and masc friends are also extremely emotional people, and they’re very open about it, and in a lot of ways that openness almost feels to me more masculine or more butch, because they’re embracing their feelings, and that’s obviously a really hard thing to learn to do, so it’s powerful, admirable, and also to be honest, it’s attractive! the ability of someone to be brave enough to be vulnerable can in many situations make the people around them feel more at ease, and i think it can become a very steady, very stabilizing sort of masculinity. in other words, someone who is very comfortable in their tears is also very good and healing to be around. so i think in a lot of ways, when you learn to own your emotions rather than push them away, that can very easily augment your butchness rather than take away from it.

now obviously everyone views butch/femme differently, whether as genders/sexuality labels/dynamics/what have you, but for me no matter what at the center of these terms there is always this nexus, this core focus, of care. in the dynamic, butch/femme is about butches & femmes caring for one another in complementary ways both in- and out-side of romantic relationships. so when we talk about butchness standalone, you and many other people reach for words like “protector,” and i don’t think there’s anything necessarily wrong with that, i think protection can and often is a key role, but my point here is, where is that urge to protect coming from? it’s from love, from caring about the people you love. and i think it’s important to remember that and to frame it that way, because when you do, it becomes pretty simple: your emotionalism is more than anything a sign of that urge to care/protect/provide in you, or a driving force to those urges, however you want to frame it. far from taking away from your butchness, your emotions are at the very foundation of what it can be. i talked about this in the butch/femme server a bit, and thren @lesbiandaemon said it perfectly:

i genuinely think i (and many others!) would feel so much safety and security being w someone who allows themself to be vulnerable and earnest abt their emotions and it definitely augments butchness, from my perspective as a femme. i envy and care deeply for the butch whose emotions and vulnerability are on display, there's a strength in that imo, even if you've been made to feel self conscious and dysphoric and "less than" bc of that. i think of phrases like "the strength to remain tender", "the violence it took to be this gentle" in the lens of trauma but if that applies and you're ok w it, i think it could also apply here too [...]

whether ppl know it or not, sometimes the way one carries themselves can be projected onto others; there's already an example in how anon mentions the "big boys/men don't cry" thing, vulnerability being shut out and dismissed/disparaged isn't going to make anyone more eager/open abt their emotions. and like, going back to the butch/femme dynamic, it does feel so much more stable and steady if someone has the courage to acknowledge and let themselves feel their emotions, it's very welcoming and validating, knowing that someone can have a strong image and show their tenderness, knowing that you're safe and free from mockery/scorn to do the same when someone protective of you knows how it feels and will care for you because they feel touched to their core and have let you know in more than one way.

and i want to add an important caveat here: obviously not everyone who cares very deeply is going to be outwardly emotional or show it in the same ways. that’s true for all kinds of reasons. i think a lot of the stoicism we see in traditional depictions of butches can come from how people relate emotions to masculinity (that is to say, how people view masculinity as inherently based around a distance from one’s “softer” side), but also, honestly, i think this may also have roots in the historical coping mechanisms that a lot of butches took on in the face of a world that was unkind to them.

in stone butch blues, for example, there’s a lot of talk about this idea of “hard” versus “soft,” or “going stone,” especially when jess is first getting into the bar scene and she’s still fresh-faced to violence. and going stone in this context isn’t just about sexuality, it's also about how so many butches learned to stop letting people in even at a basic emotional level. for them, hardening up was an inevitability of circumstance, not an inherent facet of their personality or a building block of butch identity. i’m sure plenty of old-school butches would be glad to know it’s no longer inevitable or necessary for a butch to close themselves off completely in order to survive.

of course there are also plenty of butches who are just naturally reserved with their emotions, and that’s also fine -- that doesn’t mean they don’t feel things, or that they don’t care. they care -- all of us do! some of us showing it more or less than others doesn’t reflect badly on any of us, whether we’re of a more stoic or a more open variety. but some of us really can’t help showing it, and that’s okay. that’s just how the love spills out. the right person won’t see that as weakness or a crack in the fine china of your masculinity or whatever, they’ll see it as a lovely and endearing part of your whole and warming butchness. so embrace your emotions. do your best to honor the role they play in butch/femmeness. try to love your emotions, or at the very least not to be afraid of them. and remember: you are strong. your tenderness will not destroy you. in fact, it’s what built you to begin with.

#asks #anonymous #butch/femme #butch tag #butch #femme #lesbiandaemon #sorry if you were looking for a more down-to-earth sort of list of tips but i have a lot of feelings about feelings LOL #also thank you again thren for letting me quote you! having a femme's perspective in there i think really enriches this and also you just.#put it so well ik i said this yesterday but it really was beautifully put

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arteyhumano299 · 4 years ago

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You Keep Me Waitin’

Chapter 1: Feel Better (9k words)

Summary: Kagami and Marinette aren't that close— they’re friendship is relatively new and there's still some unresolved tension. Kagami has just experienced heart break for the first time, and her mother’s expectations are beginning to weigh on her. Marinette’s duties are doing a similar number on her, and painful realizations have also left her heartbroken. They realize they can use each other as an excuse to flee from their troubling lives. In each other they find unexpected comfort, and soon they're closer than either could have expected.

Available on Ao3 , fanfic.net , and Wattpad

Notes:

First fanfic I'm publishing in a while. So I made the creative decisions to make the characters slightly older, around 17,16 ish. It's just cause it makes me uncomfortable to write sexual tension between 14-15 year olds. Also, this fic takes place right after the break ups so like season 4, ep 2. I can't promise consistent updating schedule but I'm committing to this fic. This first chapter is pretty long, I don't have a set words per chapter limit so the chapters might be all over the place. Anyway. Enjoy :)

Kagami feels hollow. She felt hollow as she closed the door of the locker room. She felt hollow as she walked out of Françoise Dupont. She felt hollow as she made her way down the stone steps at the entrance of the collège. The sound of her shoes making contact with the ground made Kagami feel especially hollow —the only sound that rang in her ears. Said shoes carried her to Tatsu's red door. Eyes found the car’s window, Kagami grimaced at her own reflection.

She clutched Tatsu’s handle and swung the backseat door open, hoping to flee from her own eyes. Her head hung low, eyes on her lap, as she closed the door. Slowly, she lifted her head to face the window and the collège’s front gates. She took a deep breath before turning her eyes forward. “Take me home, Tatsu.”

The collège disappeared as Tatsu moved forward. Kagami exhaled. Her hands found their way into her fencing bag and she slowly retrieved her phone from the bundle of clothes and protein bars. She steeled herself as her phone lit up. The screen read 6:09 against a familiar picture Kagami had taken that day at the San Martin Canal. They were seated at the canal’s edge, Adrien’s chin smudged with ice cream and Kagami smiling giddily at having caught this momentary clumsiness. Adrien, oblivious to the desert decorating his face, grinning at the camera and leaning close to her. She pursed her lips as she felt a pang to her chest, and opened settings with a decisive press of the home button. Their twin smiles disappeared from her lock screen, replaced with an old picture of the Eiffel Tower— one she had taken when she’d first arrived in Paris. She’d grown accustomed to it by now, but the large monument had seemed so mystical when she first saw it.

A sense of exhaustion came over her and she let her neck fall backwards. Head falling on the seat’s headrest, the car’s ceiling filled her vision.

Had this been a mistake?

Kagami had always been rational. Her mother valued logic above all, putting her stakes only in what she could hope to benefit from. Mother had taught this principle to Kagami at an early age, and Kagami had taken it to heart. She put a lot of effort into her passions, assured that her work would pay off. She took her future seriously, recognizing that it would reflect all of her present decisions. She didn’t goof off or blow off responsibilities. She did her best to control her sometimes reckless personality. She wasn’t disobedient. And she certainly didn’t waste her time in mindless relationship games. But here she was now. Kagami had gone about dating Adrien the way she did most things: straight to the point, and with a set goal in mind. She had been decisive, and she wasted no time dancing around her feelings, thinking that it would pay off, like all other things had in her life. Sitting alone in a car, heartbroken, had not been the outcome she predicted. Could she have miscalculated?

Somewhere inside herself, she understood that she had been very clear about her feelings, and had worked hard to maintain their relationship– at times, even foolishly bended some of her values just to get closer to him. Adrien had been the one to lie, and had always been more apprehensive with his affection, like he was holding back and holding on at the same time. Right now though, Kagami doubted herself. She’d never been the type to, but maybe while she was blinded by her affections for Adrien, she’d lost herself.

Her mother would be disappointed. Kagami hadn’t exactly told her of their relationship, and thinking of the times she did stuff she would disapprove of just to spend time with Adrien, Kagami wasn’t sure if she wanted to. God.

Kagami had been so eager to get closer to Adrien, and latched on as soon as Adrien began to reciprocate her stares, she had acted foolishly hadn’t she?

Her eyes eventually found the window again, but she regretted it as soon as her eyes laid on the glossy dark waters of the San Martin Canal. She saw the green leaves of trees painted on the water’s surface.

Something coiled in her chest.

“Tatsu, stop.”

Suddenly overcome with emotion, Kagami pushed the car door open and exited onto the aligned stone slabs of the sidewalk. The door closed behind her, body facing the canal. A breeze swept Kagami’s bangs out of her face, drying the prickle of tears at the edge of her eyes. She walked closer to the canal and peered at her figure reflected on the water, her hands bunched in her skirt. The water was too far away for any of her features to be distinguishable but she stared at her reflection– her head of dark hair a blob dancing on the canal’s ripples. Her fists slowly unclenched and she lowered herself to the canal’s edge.

As her eyes followed the ripple of the water, Kagami wondered if getting overly self conscious about this break up was what was irrational. Obviously most relationships ended, and she couldn't expect her first lover to be her last. A memory of telling ladybug her and Adrien were meant to be crossed Kagami’s mind. She grimaced, cringing at the memory. Kagami had said it with bold certainty, confident that there was something special between them–an understanding she’d never experienced with anyone else. She hoped that maybe… that would be the case, once Adrien was ready he would apologize and realize what she had long ago. He didn’t trust her now though, so what assured her he ever would. Maybe the wound was too fresh to wonder about the future.

Kagami closed her eyes and felt another gust of wind flutter against her eyelids. She stood back up and began to walk along the canal.

As she walked further and further from Tatsu, she began to realize another issue. Was she going to ignore Adrien? She had told him she didn’t want to stay friends. Adrien’s distrust had stung her deeply– she had, after all, put a lot of energy and time into their relationship, and just returning to their old dynamic felt wrong. Were they just supposed to not acknowledge any of the remaining tension?

Adrien hiding stuff from her would sting regardless of their relationship, she cared very deeply for him– friend or lover. Kagami had to remind herself: don’t waste time and energy on fruitless efforts. If Adrien wasn’t gonna let up, Kagami would stop giving him the time of day. The opportunity to hurt her. She felt justified in her harshness, though Adrien was one of the only friends she’d ever had. Kagami began to wonder if any of this would seem ridiculous to someone more understanding and emotionally intelligent– Kagami admitted she felt short in that regard.

She admittedly was too caught up thinking of ways to figure this out to pay much attention to her surroundings. Mid thought, something slammed into her, or rather she slammed into someone. Kagami stumbled backwards, almost losing her footing but catching herself at the last minute. As soon as she regained her balance she looked up at the offended party to apologize. She was met with a familiar pair of blue bell eyes. Before she could muster up a ‘sorry’, Marinette beat her to it.

“Kagami! I’m so sorry! I was distracted and wasn’t looking where I was going.”

Her face was somewhat obstructed by boxes stacked on her arms- which she noticed were now off center.

“I’m sorry too, Marinette; I was also distracted.”

Marinette readjusted the boxes. “No, it was probably more on me. My limbs seem to have a mind of their own, a lot of people have fallen victim to my clumsiness.” Marinette’s face scrunched embarrassment.

“Well you are the one carrying boxes, I just bypassed pedestrian etiquette in my mindless daydreaming.”

Kagami could make out Marinette’s smile even with the obstruction to her face.

“That’s just like you to think getting distracted is a lapse of ‘pedestrian etiquette’.” She chuckled at Marinette’s phrasing of ‘pedestrian etiquette’. Marinette’s eyes peered at her quizzically.

“Are you alone, Kagami?”

“I am.”

That seemed to confuse Marinette as she looked around Kagami.

“I don’t mean to pry, but why are you walking down the San Martin Canal?”

Kagami looked back to the canal’s waters.

“I suppose...”, She tried to find an excuse as she faced Marinette again, " I thought the walk would be some nice, light exercise.” Marinette raised an eyebrow at her.

“Right after fencing? Shouldn’t you be having a meal?”

She was surprised that Marinette had any knowledge in the dietary guidelines of athletes. She’d never mentioned partaking in any active hobby to Kagami.

“I was just trying it out. ''

Marinette still seemed confused but shrugged and didn’t press further. Kagami’s eyes shifted to the boxes Marinette was still carrying.

“And you? Is there a reason you’re walking down a canal with an armful of boxes?”

Marinette seemed to remember what she was holding as her eyes flickered to the packages in front of her.

“Oh, right. I’m just making a delivery for the bakery.”

Kagami was now the one to question her with a raised eyebrow.

“On foot? With that tall of a stack?”

Her expression turned sheepish. “Bad idea in retrospect, considering my clumsiness and all.”

Kagami couldn’t help but smile. “What if I help you?”

Marinette’s eyes widened. “With my delivery?”

Kagami nodded.

“What about your light exercise?”

“Whether it be going home or making a delivery I’m still walking.”

Marinette’s cheeks pinked. “Oh, uh, guess you’re right.”

She approached Marinette and reached for the top couple of boxes, taking them into her arms and waiting for Marinette to readjust her arms again.

“Okay, it’s only two blocks from here.”

Marinette began to walk and Kagami moved to follow her pace.

“Do you often make deliveries for your parents’ bakery?”

“When they need to be done yeah; it’s my way of helping out.”

Kagami looked at her profile, her pigtails more hastily tied than usual and her cheeks a paler pink than she was used to.

“Have they been keeping you busy?”

“Ah, no more than usual.”

Marinette met her eyes momentarily and Kagami wondered if those were eyebags under her eyes.

“They try not to be too demanding.”

“Really?... Have you been testing lately?”

She saw Marinette turn to her and could almost feel her puzzlement.

“Uh, no?...”

Marinette faced the walkway again.

“Why do you ask?”

“I just haven’t heard from you lately.”

There was a pause.

“I’ve just been caught up in some stuff.”

Kagami sensed she didn’t want to elaborate so she kept her questions to herself.

“Well, It’s nice to see you, even in a somewhat odd situation.”

“I’m glad to see you too.”

Her smile became soft.

“I haven’t seen much of you either, but I understand you’ve also been… busy.”

The silence that followed hung for a second too long. Kagami wasn’t sure how she should interpret that— she’d never explicitly told Marinette about her and Adrien, but they hadn’t really hid their affection. “I…” Kagami sighed. “Yeah, I have been distracted with other… stuff.”

The silence continued and Kagami considered even noting the weather to fill it. Before she could stew in the silence any longer, Marinette cut through it with a boldness she wasn’t accustomed to seeing from her.

“How are things with Adrien?”

Kagami suddenly felt very insecure and the packages of pastries in her arms felt heavier.

“We weren’t very subtle were we?”

Marinette considered her question.

“You two have been getting pretty chummy for a while.”

“... I can see what you mean.”

“You know, it’s okay. I just really hope you don’t drop me, so you guys better not stop hanging out with me.”

Marinette’s attempt at lightening the mood was stunted by the tension. Kagami was too preoccupied with finding the right response to care.

“Well, of course, I wouldn’t abandon our relationship for Adrien.”

Kagami was too consumed in her nerves to notice the change in tone of Marinette’s silence.

“You don’t have to worry about my schedule being full though.”

Marinette laughed.

“Kagami, it’s natural for couples to spend a lot of time together, you don’t have to make time you don’t have for me. Don’t worry, I have other people I can get orange juice with.” She swallowed.

“I don’t doubt you do.”

They approached a crossroad and Marinette turned, Kagami following after her. She let it out before she decided against it.

“What I meant to say, is that you don’t have to worry about my schedule being full anymore.”

Marinette stopped abruptly but Kagami expected it. Her expression was hard to decipher.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that”, Kagami stepped closer to her. “Adrien’s no longer going to be taking up my time.”

Marinette’s eyebrows slowly furrowed, she searched her face and Kagami hoped Marinette couldn’t make out her insecurity.

“You…”

“We did.”

She faced forward once again. “It’s been the case for all of a half an hour.”

“Oh, God, Kagami, I’m so sorry.”

Kagami turned to shoot her a frown. Marinette shut her mouth before she could begin her rambling. She might not be feeling like herself but she still wasn’t below taking her pity.

“Obviously I’m still processing but quite honestly, the break up actually happened last night.”

“Oh.”

“I won’t need to see him until our next fencing lesson so I’ll have time to figure something out.”

They finally continued to walk.

“I mean, I bet Adrien will make an effort to keep things friendly.”

“That’s exactly what I fear.”

“What do you mean?”

Kagami kept her eyes forward. “I’m not planning on keeping our relationship as friendly as it was before.”

She hoped she didn’t sound bitter.

“That bad, huh?”

“Adrien made his decisions so I made mine.”

Kagami definitely sounded bitter.

“Well, then I guess you should start making time for another juice date.”

Marinette’s smile felt reassuring. She slowed down and stopped in front of a pair of glass doors. Kagami could make out a lobby from the large windows on either side.

“We’re here by the way.”

Kagami went ahead and opened one of the doors, holding it for Marinette who had the taller stack of boxes. Marinette allowed her act of chivalry and entered, Kagami following behind her. She looked around the lobby as Marinette advanced to the front desk, eyeing the cushions taking up most of the room, and wondering who had thought buying several loveseats for such a small lobby was a good idea. Marinette returned before Kagami could criticize the internal design further.

“Okay, we should be able to just go up and knock on the door.”

They made their way to the elevator and Marinette pressed the button to the fourth floor. They stood in silence for a few seconds.

“It wasn’t just me that noticed the disgusting orange loveseats was it?” Kagami smirked “I also noticed their incompatibility with the room, though I was more worried with the amount of floor plan they took up.” Marinette scoffed, “More like incompatibility with my eyes.”

This time Kagami actually laughed. The elevator doors opened and they made their way into a hallway lined with numbered doors.

“Okay, I think it was apartment 127.”

They scanned the doors until finding it: apartment 127. Kagami knocked and they waited for an answer. Kagami could hear the muted sound of rock music and laughter. Finally, the door’s handle shook and the door swung open. A short woman with brown hair dyed red stood at the entrance, her eyes taking them and their armful of boxes in.

“Oh, the pastries are here!” The woman pushed the door open further, and turned her head to the apartment.

“Arthur! Come help me with the pastries.” The woman turned back to them “Sorry, lovelies, I’ll get those off ya in a sec.” A man poked his head before joining the four of them at the entrance. He was significantly taller than the woman but had the same red hair.

“Those smell good”, he grinned.

“I can assure they taste just as good”, Marinette responded, sugar sweet, in what Kagami guessed was her customer service voice. The woman and man reached out and took the boxes from them and Kagami was glad to have the weight off her arms. She stretched them out as the woman looked through her wallet and placed some bills in Marinette’s hands. “Thank you, have a nice day, ma’am.”

“Have a nice day too, ladies.”

Marinette smiled at them as they closed the door. Then she also stretched her arms with a sigh. “Okay, let’s go.”

They entered the elevator, returned to the lobby, and then exited the apartment complex.

Marinette turned to her. “Thank you so much, Kagami, people don’t tend to order so much so it was probably for the best I ran into you.”

“It wasn’t a bother,” she could feel the smile on her lips, “It was also nice to catch up with you.”

Marinette grinned at her. “Well, I guess I’ll see you at another time. You should probably call Tatsu, you’ve had enough exercise for today.”

“Oh, are you my trainer, Marinette?”

“I’m your friend, so I’m more important.”

Kagami couldn’t argue with that. An idea popped into her brain and she pursed her lips.

“Let me walk you home, Marinette.”

Marinette blinked at her.

“Walk me home?”

“Yes.” She nodded awkwardly, “Walk you home.”

“Shouldn't you be home by now?”

That made Kagami pause— it was true her mother would figure out her absence pretty soon.

“It’s fine, I’ll just text my mother.”

“But you must be tired, I really wasn’t kidding about the exercise thing.”

Kagami disliked when people coddled her, but Marinette’s worry did actually make her feel cared for.

“I’ll be fine, Marinette, I always make sure to carry extra protein bars in my bag.”

Kagami paused and furrowed her brows. “That is unless you’d rather walk home alone, I’m sorry if my request was brash.”

Marinette shook her hands. “No, no, I just didn’t want you to over exert yourself. I know you always give it your all at your fencing practices.”

While Kagami had had a tiring day, Marinette’s company has helped both the ache of her muscles and her chest.

“I’m not that tired, besides,” Kagami moved to stand beside her, “we haven’t talked about our juice date.” She was rewarded with a bright smile.

“Okay, fine, if you’re sure.” Marinette began to walk and Kagami was right beside her.

“You know, I’ve always wanted to ask you where in the world you found a red lamé?”

“Well, Marinette, I pride myself in my dedication.”

They fell into step with each other, letting the conversation flow naturally. As they made their way through the streets of Paris, Kagami listened intently to Marinette’s rambling about old fabric dyeing techniques she’d been looking into. They finally found their way to Marinette’s doorstep and they waved each other goodbye.

She was aware she might return home to a lecture, but as Kagami saw Marinette enter her home, she recognized she felt better.

--------

Marinette rested her back on a chimney, her eyes raking over the other rooftops, waiting for an unexpected attack to pop out of them at any second. Chat was similarly seated next to her, though he didn’t seem quite as on edge as Marinette felt.

Now that the duo had to worry about Shadow Moth, Marinette felt like she was on edge as soon as she transformed. Chat sensed her unease, and regularly attempted to ease her tension with a lighthearted joke. Marinette appreciated his efforts, but she also didn’t want to be distracted —just in case.

She drummed her fingers on her lap and wondered if maybe they should move to a higher vantage point. Maybe they should start making their patrols more active, circling the whole city instead of just moving to a few locations and watching. If there was going to be an akumatization tonight, Marinette hoped it would appear already. Now that she had a gaggle of kwamis to look after, Marinette’s responsibilities seemed to have doubled. She really couldn’t slack off in her schoolwork, or her duties as class rep, or her obligations to the bakery— she knew wedding season was coming up so her parents were going to really need her help. That wasn’t even mentioning all of the personal issues Marinette didn’t know how to tackle. She seemed to have been able to keep a low radar so far, but any second now her friends would figure out the earlier day’s events.

Marinette really didn’t want to think about Juleka’s reaction.

Marinette’s thrumming speed up.

Chat must have seen the anxious twitch of her fingers. “You know, it’s getting late, there probably won’t be any trouble tonight.”

Her eyes flickered to the blonde. “We haven’t checked the south-eastern side of the city.”

“I can go check on my way home.”

Marinette thought about protesting, but she could make out the worry etched onto the line of his eyebrows. His mop of hair caught her eye, messier than she was usd to— almost like it was drooping. She wondered if she wasn’t the only one having a hard time.

“You go to school so you should probably get home and rest.”

“You also go to school”, Marinette noted.

Chat’s replying chuckle felt empty.

“I’m not going to be sleeping anytime soon .” Marinette hoped it wasn’t defeat what she heard in his voice. She regarded his usually vibrant eyes, now dulled with an exhaustion Marinette could recognize.

“You too huh?”

Chat broke eye contact to look out at the Paris scenery. Marinette did the same, gazing at the endless darkness of the sky.

“It’s been a hard week.”

She could only hum in agreement.

Her suit protected her from the cold, but Marinette’s face felt icy in the night’s dropping temperature.

“Is it a personal problem?”

“Well, I think Shadow Moth has both of us on edge, but mostly yeah.”

Chat fiddled with the cuffs of his gloves. She’d always been a proponent of keeping everything private, only revealing what was necessary, but something about Chat’s frown bothered Marinette.

“I can listen.”

Chat’s head shot up, his expression one of surprise. Marinette tried to convey comfort through her own expression. “Really?”

“As long as you keep it vague. I’ve been told I’m a good listener.”

His responding smile was small, but Marinette was glad for it nonetheless.

“Well, um, okay.”

Marinette relaxed against the chimney and Chat changed his posture to face her more.

“I started seeing someone recently.”

Marinette’s eyes widened but she kept quiet.

“We were friends beforehand and I realized I liked her, so I thought it would be a good idea.” Chat exhaled. “I’m Chat Noir though, so we couldn’t keep it up.”

Understanding washed over her.

“She was pretty upset, and now… she told me she no longer wanted to have any type of relationship.”

Chat’s eyes stared at the ground(rooftop rather.) Marinette reached for him without thinking. Chat looked at the hand she placed on his shoulder, and then at her. His eyes told her he received the message:

I understand

She leaned in and hugged him. They sat like that for a few seconds, enjoying each other’s warmth, before they separated.

“I think you’re right. We should go home.”

Chat nodded and they both stood up, still facing each other.

“Chat… I know we can’t exactly hang out, but you’re my friend, so if you need anything...”

Chat nodded.

“Thank you, ladybug.”

They shared a smile before going their separate ways.

--------

Marinette was later than usual. The classroom’s tone felt different than yesterday, and Marinette read it immediately. She apologized and took her seat, trying not to meet anyone’s eyes. She could feel Alya’s on her all hour though, but she kept her eyes forward. All of her attention was focused on Mme. Bustier, Marinette throwing herself into the coursework to try and ignore the impending questions. The scratch of graphite on paper worked as a background to Mme. Bustier’s voice, and it did a good job at keeping Marinette’s mind occupied with work.

So much so that Marinette almost didn’t hear the bell.

She stared through the paper in front of her, her fingers tightening around the pencil in her hand. She could feel more eyes on her now.

Recognizing that she could no longer ignore Alya, Marinette picked herself up from her hunched posture and turned to her. Like she predicted, Alya was looking right at her. She didn’t attempt to decode the emotions in the hazel of Alya’s eyes.

She stood up and Marinette knew to follow. Mylène, Rose, Alix, and Juleka were behind them as they made their way out of the classroom. Alya stopped next to a bench and sent Marinette a look, communicating to her that she should sit down. Marinette complied. She studied Alya’s face, and Marinette disliked that the tension in it looked more like worry than displeasure— Marinette didn’t want to lie to Alya when she was looking at her with concern. Alya sighed and she sat beside her, the other girls sitting around them. Marinette thrummed her fingers, waiting for Alya’s words.

She directed them at Alix though.

“Alix, would you like to tell Marinette what you told me?”

Alix met eyes with Marinette before facing Alya. “Recently I heard something from Mylène about Marinette.”

She blew a bubble with her bubblegum and it’s pop unsettled Marinette.

“I think she knows what I’m talking about.”

Marinette sighed before rubbing her arms self consciously. She looked around at their faces— they were waiting for her but Marinette didn’t know what to tell them. She remembered the walk she’d had with Kagami some days ago. Kagami had noticed her exhaustion so soon, she could only wonder how long it must have taken her best friend.

“Do you not want to tell us what happened?”

“Um, no, no, I just… It’s just complicated, I’m not sure I’m even done processing what happened.”

Alya placed a hand on her shoulder. They all understood.

“I, well. I’ll tell you.”

Marinette took a deep breath and tried to work out what parts she had to modify.

“You guys know I’ve had feelings for Adrien all year. For months I’ve had this giant crush on him.” He heard some hums of agreement.

“These past few months I’ve actually begun to talk to him, and for a while now we’ve been friends. Somewhere during that time, I started to get to know different sides of Adrien, and my feelings deepened. I began to think that maybe he could actually like me back. I felt like we were finally connecting... But I think I’ve slowly come to realize that Adrien doesn't think about me like that.” Marinette could hear her voice lowering so she coughed and looked up. “I had to come to terms that Adrien liked someone else, loved someone else.” She tried not to think about Kagami’s words.

“Luka, he was always so sweet. With Adrien, I felt like this spluttering blubbering mess.” She sighed. “No wonder he didn’t like me back, all of my clumsiness gets turned up to a hundred around him. Even once my stuttering calmed down somewhat as we became closer, I feel like a mess around him even now.”

Alya scoffed like she’d been the one to be insulted.

“Marinette, you’re so incredibly smart and clever. You’re also kind and you don’t hesitate to help others. If Adrien hasn’t realized that yet then that’s not your fault.” She tried not to think about how Adrien was all of those things, but more. Or how Kagami was also all of those things, but yet they still…

Marinette didn’t let herself dwell on it.

“That’s something Luka would have told me.”

Alya fell silent.

“Luka made me feel like I could just be. It was easy to talk to him, and when he told me he had feelings for me… I felt like maybe we could work.”

Her eyes flickered to Juleka, but her expression hadn’t changed much.

“My feelings for Adrien were hard to ignore though. I think Luka could tell.”

“I really did like Luka. I just, I feel like I got him caught up in my emotional mess and hurt him.”

Marinette stopped thrumming her fingers and dug them into the fabric of her pants. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys. I’ve been busy and I haven’t been able to reflect on the break up yet.” Marinette looked around all of them, their faces sympathetic.

Rose stood up and wrapped her arms around Marinette. She pulled back and Marinette could see tears rimming her eyes.

“You don’t have to apologize to us, Marinette.”

“Yeah, it sounds like you’ve been having a rough time”, Mylène piped up.

Alya’s hand slid from her shoulder to her back. Marinette appreciated the act of comfort.

“Thank you guys, for being understanding. I just need some time.”

“Of course, Mari, just tell us if you need some hang out buddies to turn your brain off with.” Alix didn’t join them in their huddle around the bench, but her smile was softer than her usual smirk.

“Of course”, Marinette grinned, she could feel the mood lifting. “If any of you would like to get your butts kicked in Ultimate Mecha Strike III, you know who you can call.”

Rose and Mylène giggled, parting from Marinette so she could look up at them better. Marinette couldn’t tell them everything but she genuinely felt her mood lift.

The bell rang.

Marinette felt like now she could scratch that off her list of things to worry about.

She was about to stand up as the other girls smiled and made their way back when she turned to Alya. She was staring at her intensely, like she was analyzing Marinette.

“Uh, Alya? We should make our way back.”

Alya continued to stare at Marinette. Marinette swallowed and clutched the edge of the bench. Finally, Alya crossed her arms and stood up. She didn’t move to make their way back though.

“Alya, we’re going to be late.”

“You’re still hiding something.”

Marinette’s mouth shut. Alya just continued to bore holes through her.

“H-Hiding something?”

“Luka knew you were in love with Adrien since before. He would have been fine with waiting for you to get over him.”

“But I couldn't, okay. I was hurting him and we couldn’t-”

“Marinette, I’m your best friend, you know you can tell me anything, right?”

Marinette wanted to say she couldn’t actually. She bunched her fist in her jacket instead.

“If this is about me not being the one to tell you, I already apologized. I really am sorry, but I just wasn't in the right headspace.”

“When you’re not in the right headspace your emotions tend to spill over. You’re not the type to stew in your feelings.” Marinette narrowed her eyes at her, annoyed at how factual she’d made it sound.

“Don’t act like you know everything about me, Alya.”

Alya’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. Marinette swallowed.

“I mean…” She sighed.

“Again, I’m not in the right headspace. Let’s just go to class.” Marinette left and didn’t look back to see if Alya followed.

--------

After class, Marinette shot some smiles at the girls. She apologized to Alya but she could tell she wanted to press further. She left before Alya could protest.

Marinette entered the bakery and greeted her parents, masking her mood with a bright smile.

“Hey Maman, hey Papa.”

“Hello, sweet buns. How was your day?”

Marinette circled the counter and joined them behind it.

“It was alright. Mme. Mendeleive started rambling about this guy called Louis Le Prince near the end of class. It was hard to follow but apparently he invented the camera before Eddison.”

Her mom smiled fondly at her.

“I didn’t know that. I hope that means she didn’t assign you any homework.”

They smirked at each other.

“You’d be right, Maman.”

Marinette didn’t say she was slightly disappointed about it. Her mind needed a distraction. And almost like she’d read her mind, her mother perked up, her expression somewhat sheepish.

“Would you be a dear and help us out with an order for waffle cookies. Me and papa are working on decorating a wedding cake.”

Marinette grinned at her mother.

“Of course, Maman.”

Her mother informed her of the specifics for the order before making her way back to her husband.

Marinette set her bag down on a corner and rolled up her sleeves, plugging in her headphones before reaching for the bottles of ingredients and bowls she would need. She scrolled through her Jagged Stone playlist as she plugged in the waffle iron, once finally settling on an album, stuffing her phone in her back pocket as she found her way back to the table. Marinette tried to get lost in the mindless task of measuring and mixing, making sure to be very meticulous so her mind could only focus on teaspoons of vanilla and cups of flour. These tasks were second nature to her anyway though, so eventually her mind wandered.

Marinette hoped that she’d be able to smooth things over with Alya tomorrow, but she knew how stubborn she could be— Alya wouldn’t stop questioning Marinette. Marinette was so tired of the lies. She’d been lying to Alya almost the entirety of their friendship, and Marinette hated that she was getting better at it. She could just continue to lie to her, it was probably what she would end up doing, but what if Marinette didn’t? What if she just told her the truth.

Marinette fumbled with the mixer before pouring her mixture of ingredients onto the mixing bowl. The sound of the mixer competed with the loud music of her headphones, but more thoughts kept crawling into her mind.

Marinette would admit that at times she wished she didn’t have to. It would be so nice to confide in someone who understood what being a highschooler was like, and who also had some experience with the whole superhero thing. The danger was obvious though. She’d be putting Alya’s security at risk, and hers as well of course. So much was at stake so she couldn’t even entertain the thought. That the weight of being Paris’ greatest superhero while being a seventeen year old high schooler was finally dawning on her.

The mixture of ingredients quickly turned into dough, and she began to scoop up balls of it with her fingers, morphing them into walnut sized balls.

How could Marinette be Marinette when she had to be ladybug? She had dreams she was trying to pursue, as well as responsibilities as a student and daughter. However, she also had a duty to Paris to protect its people. The reality was one she couldn’t afford to forget. These days it felt like she had to be ladybug more and more, her persona bleeding into her everyday. Maybe it was all the hiding and lying that was slowly becoming part of her personality.

Her fingers dug into the dough a bit too hard and ended up making a hole through the ball of dough. She sighed at the tiny doughnut in her hands before reshaping it.

Trust was such an important part of relationships but there was no one Marinette could trust with her secret. And as ladybug continued to dominate her life, Marinette felt as if she’d never be able to invest herself fully in one. Marinette couldn’t giver herself whole if she had to hide half of herself.

She began to line the dough balls, checking the waffle iron.

Marinette hoped she’d be allowed to just be her soon enough. She could dedicate all her time to progressing in her aspirations, accomplishing her responsibilities, and maintaining her relationships.

She sprayed the waffle iron with cooking spray.

Leaving ladybug ...meant leaving Chat Noir too though.

Her eyes studied the dots of cooking spray on the iron.

Fingers pressed into the dough as she placed them along the iron. She lowered the lid slowly.

Maybe… just maybe, they’d find each other after.

The smell of the cookies crisping began to waft over her, Marinette leaned against the table, propping her arms on the surface and closing her eyes as she focused on the smell. The kitchen was warm, and she could hear a bit of the tune her Maman was humming through her headphones. Jagged Stone’s guitar began to quiet down.

It could be that they would never see each other again after that.

Her gaze dropped to her hands, knuckles white with flour and fingertips sticky with residue dough. Her left thumb reached for her right hand and she began to fidget with her ring finger. How did Chat’s miraculous look when he wasn’t transformed? Marinette wondered if she’d be able to recognize it. After all, she doubted anyone would be able to recognize her superheroine persona shining through her fumbling civilian identity. Was Chat just as exuberant in real life? Her mind pondered what kind of teenager Chat would be like. He probably had a lot of friends, and he was probably a bit of an attention seeker. Marinette’s face softened. She bet he was insufferably kind. His friends were very lucky, they could enjoy being Chat’s friends without the weight of thousands of people’s lives on their shoulders. If they met without the masks, would they be friends?

She flattened her hands against the table, tracing circles with her fingers on the flour dusting it. The next song on her playlist began to start. The sweet smell of the cookies continued to fill her nose.

Actually…

Marinette sniffed the air.

“Eek-”

She tried to find the timer somewhere, realizing she hadn’t even taken it out. Scrambling to lift the waffle iron lid’s, Marinette bumped into the table, her hip bone knocking against the table’s edge. She yelped and clutched her hip. Too late, Marinette realized the uncapped vanilla extract bottle. She tried to stop its fall but the bottle tumbled and knocked against a bowl before falling on its side. The dark liquid spilled onto the wood immediately, and Marinette panicked as it pooled around bowls.

“Marinette?”

She only responded with a strained chuckle as she lifted the bottle off the table and regarded the pool of vanilla. “Sorry, I just spilled some extract.”

Her mother glanced from the wedding cake.

“Oh, honey, clean it up before it stains too badly.”

Marinette nodded and rushed to find some paper towels to absorb the extract. She pushed the bowls out of the way and pressed the paper towels onto the table, the white paper quickly turning dark even as the pool of liquid disappeared. Her eyes scanned the room for a rag as she replaced the paper towels. Her hands reached for the nearest one and took it, scrubbing at the surface, praying that the stain would lighten if she placed it next to a window. Suddenly, Marinette remembered what her original plan was as the air turned bitter. Her hands fumbled to open the waffle iron, revealing the now overly brown cookies. She plucked them off the iron and placed them on a cooling rack. As she reached for the last one, her pinky brushed against the hot metal and she hissed, biting her lip and scowling as she rubbed at the burn.

“Today is not my day”, Marinette mumbled.

Her mother shot a glance in her direction again, her brows painted with concern. “Are you okay, sweetheart?”

“I’m fine, Maman, just a little burn.” Marinette sighed. “I’ll be right back.”

She left her parents in the bakery, climbing the stairs to her home. She pushed the door open with her body and found her way into the bathroom. Marinette opened the faucet and slid her red pinky over the cool water. The change in temperature helped the pain and she exhaled deeply.

Her eyes found her reflection on the mirror and she couldn’t help but scowl. She’d been donning a ‘finals week’ kinda tired on her face– cheeks pale, eyebags deep, and pigtails almost coming undone– but now she also had flour dusting it. She couldn’t wait for this week to end. It was still the middle of the week though, so Marinette guessed she’d need to work extra hard to make it speed by. Her other hand found the faucet and closed it. The towel bothered her skin as she toweled her hands dry, but she hoped it would calm down soon enough. She made her way out of the bathroom, and turned to the kitchen. Swinging the cooler open and scanning its interior, Marinette took a napkin and plucked an ice cube off the ice rack. She closed the cooler before swinging her body onto the counter— her Maman wasn’t here so no one had to know.

The ice was a bit harsh on the burn, but Marinette was looking to numb the pain so she pressed tightly against her pinky. A quiet chuckle passed through her lips. It’d be neat if she could have some numbing ice for other aspects of herself. As she jokingly wondered how that’d work, she realized her mother was calling out to her.

“Marinette!”

She blinked at her Maman’s voice but made her way to the stairs, poking her head down to the bakery.

“Yes, Maman?” Her mother appeared from around the corner.

“There’s a girl here asking for you, honey.”

Panic rose up her throat. Was it Alya? Marinette wasn’t ready to confront her, and she needed time to come up with something to feed to her.

“She brought you some orange juice.”

Marinette frowned at her mother. Orange juice?

Tension left her face.

Her Maman knew Alya pretty well, so Marinette supposed it’d be weird of her not to just tell her it was Alya. Making her ways down the steps, Marinette looked around the bakery. A blue bob and white jacket was the first thing she registered.

“Kagami?”

The girl was standing somewhat awkwardly in front of the counter, two plastic cups in her hands.

“Good afternoon, Marinette.” Kagami’s greeting smile was stiff on her face.

“Hey, Kagami.” Marinette responded simply, she walked towards her, and weaved around the counter. She swept her hand over her cheeks.

“Sorry I was just baking.”

“You look fine, Marinette.”

“Really? I remember a few days ago you mentioned I looked pretty bad.”

“Well, you do look tired.”

Marinette shook her head. “I can’t argue with you on that.”

The logo on the plastic cups Kagami was carrying was familiar.

“So did you just drop by to give me orange juice?”

Kagami brought the cups up to her chest. “Well”, Kagami shifted her weight from one foot onto the other, “I was hoping you’d have some with me.”

“Oh”

“Then in that case.” Marinette turned to her parents, who were probably already listening,

“Can I finish the cookies later?”

“Sure, honey, just cover the dough up.”

Marinette nodded and signaled Kagami to follow her. They walked past the counter and into the actual bakery, Marinette took some wide plates and lined the dough balls on them. She took some seran wrap and covered them, setting them off to the side. She swept her hands together to shake off any remaining flour and turned to Kagami.

“Okay, follow me.”

She led her around the corner and to the stairs. Kagami glanced around.

“So this is what leads to your actual home?”

She followed Marinette up the steps.

“Yep. The first floor is just the bakery.”

She pushed the door open and moved to let Kagami in first. Kagami took her home in. The white couch decorated with throw pillows; the kitchen with their bright blue refrigerator; the three windows spilling sunlight through grey curtains. Marinette closed the door behind them. Kagami stepped into the kitchen, her eyes roaming over the fridge. Marinette joined her.

“Weird color for a home appliance, right?”

Kagami glanced back at her, but reached her hands up to a photo on the cooler’s door, her fingertips grazing it.

“Is this a relative of yours?”

Marinette glanced at what she was looking at. The photo was a few years old, Marinette was sprawled out on the couch that was currently right behind them. A teenage boy leaning on said couch was teasing Marinette with a feather. Her face was scrunched up as said boy tickled it with the feather. They were both grinning though.

“Oh.” Marinette smiled at the picture. “That’s my older brother actually.”

Kagami’s brow questioned her, surprise evident on her face. “I wasn’t aware you had a brother.”

“Yeah, I guess I don’t talk about him enough. His name is Anthony.”

“Does he live here?”

“Oh, no, he’s studying abroad right now. He wasn’t able to come during Christmas but he’ll be here during the summer.”

Kagami seemed to mull over this information. She kept her eyes on the photo. “What was it like?” Marinette looked at her quizzically. “ Growing up with a sibling, I mean”, She clarified.

Marinette snorted. “Annoying, no one else knows how to tick you off like a sibling.” She wiggled her fingers as she presented the picture. “Exhibit here.”

“Really? I don’t know if that sound… enjoyable.”

“Pfft, well growing up with siblings is definitely pretty bothersome.” Marinette nodded at her own comment. “Sometimes it's funny but being so close to someone before gaining any sense of maturity comes with annoying downfalls.”

“People have told me it’s sad I don’t have any siblings though.”

Marinette couldn’t read Kagami’s expression.

“That’s kinda rude of them.”

Kagami smiled at her response.

“I’ve always thought so too.” She set the orange juice on the nearest surface. “But I guess I wonder if siblings are worth all of their hype.”

Marinette thought about her brother. It’d been a while since he’d last seen him, and she’d never admit to it to him, but sometimes his absence made her home feel empty.

“It’s also really nice, having someone to grow up with. I get why they might have said that.” She shrugged. “It’s a unique bond.”

“So do you miss you brother?”

“Ugh, well it’s a pain to admit but yeah.”

Kagami smirked in amusement. Marinette reached for the orange juice Kagami had brought. “I didn’t know they had such cute to go cups.” Kagami took the other cup and followed Marinette as she made her way to the counter in the kitchen, each of them taking a seat.

“You're the type to always notice design.” It wasn't a question.

“Well I might specialize in fashion designing, but if something is cute then I’ll notice.” Marinette brought the straw up to her mouth. The orange juice was refreshing and Marinette humed against the straw in contentment. Kagami smiled at her drink as well.

“I love orange juice, but is there a specific reason you’re here?”

Kagami parted her mouth from the juice and shrugged. “I suppose we never actually set a date for that orange juice date.”

“Hmm, are you maybe trying to make time up with me?”

“Well I did want to see you.”

“I’m flattered by your honesty. But I bet you also wanted to see what a bakery-home was like.”

Kagami looked around the room again instead of responding.

“Your house is so small.”

“Oh, gee, I know it's no mansion.”

“No, I didn’t mean it in a degrading way.” Kagami’s eyes flitted to a particular tiger shaped pillow on the coach. It was an old comfort toy of Marinette. “It’s homely, and warm.”

“Well it is right above a bakery”, Marinette pointed out.

“It does smell of baked goods.”

“Come on Sunday mornings. Last week I woke up to lemon-berry savarin and palmier pastries.”

“Should I come every Sunday to guess the pastry of the week?”

“You're invited to taste it too.”

They both laughed.

“I can’t promise I’d be awake to greet you, Sundays are one of my holy sleeping-in days.”

“I see you value your sleep.”

“You could say that. Like you’ve noticed though, I look like a mess when I don’t get enough of it.” Kagami didn’t respond for a second.

“So you haven’t been getting much sleep?”

“Oh, ah”, Marinette laughed awkwardly. “No, spose I haven’t.”

“You have a lot of responsibilities.”

“That I do.” Marinette chewed on the straw of her juice.

“Thank you for coming actually, I’ve been having an off day.”

“Rough week?”

“Pretty much.”

They sat in a comfortable silence as their juice slowly disappeared. Marinette noted that Kagami looked better than she had the last time they’d met. Part of her wanted to ask how that whole thing was going for her, but did she actually want to know?

“So”, Kagami broke the silence first. “You make deliveries but you also bake?”

“Of course, what kind of baker’s daughter do you take me for?”

“Do your parents expect you to take on the bakery someday?” Marinette opened her mouth but then swallowed.

“They understand I have a dream for designing, but we still haven’t figured it out. They really want to keep the bakery alive.”

“Sorry, it seems like a complicated subject.”

“It is, but it’s okay.” Marinette slurped the last of her orange juice and set her cup down. “It really is okay though, a discussion for the future. Like you said, I have enough on my plate at the moment.” Kagami also finished her drink

“Well I hope the bakery stays open until next Sunday, I want to try the pastry of the week.”

Marinette giggled. “I’ll make sure to make you something special.”

“Do many people get the pleasure of tasting your baking?”

“Some lucky souls out there in Paris.”

“I trust you’re good then.”

“Well I think my baking is plenty tasty, I’m just a clutz.”

“So your clumsiness doesn't interfere with the taste?”

“No, it just endangers my safety, as well as anyone’s in a three meter radius”, Marinette sighed.

“I do read you as accident prone.”

“Don’t laugh but actually I stained the work table with vanilla extract and burned my pinky only a few minutes before you came.”

Kagami’s brows rose in surprise.

“Wow, really?”

“Yep”, Marinette grumbled, lifting her right hand up. It wasn’t so distinct anymore but her finger was still red. Kagami noticed.

“I see, does it still hurt?”

“Not really, I mean it’s not fun getting burned but I have thick skin so it’s okay.”

Kagami paused and looked at her, confused. “Thick skin?”

“I’ve been pricking my fingers with needles for years, scaring has made my skin thicker and less sensitive.”

“Oh, I had no idea.”

“Yeah, sometimes I get quite insecure about it. I don’t think a guy would appreciate holding hands with me. Girls are supposed to have soft skin or whatever.”

“I know what you mean, fencing has made me build my own callouses.”

“Oh that’s right, your fence training must have done a similar number on your hands.”

Kagami nodded holding her palms out on the countertop. “I have a similar insecurity.” Marinette gazed at her hands, she could make out the callouses. She leaned closer to Kagami, placing her left hand on the countertop too.

“May I?”

Kagami’s dark eyes considered her, her bangs almost completely covering her eyebrows— It made it hard at times to decipher her expression— said bangs bounced as Kagami nodded. Marinette moved her eyes from Kagami to her palms. She lifted her left hand, her knuckles grazing the cool countertop as it approached Kagami’s. Their skin touched, marinette’s index finger grazing Kagami’s pinky. Her touch was tentative as she brushed her fingertips over Kagami’s fingers and against the inside of Kagami’s hand. It was unexpectedly cool. Just like Kagami had said, the skin along her palm’s crease was distinctly tough and one could only wonder the years of training needed to result in such callouses. She studied Kagami’s hand. Her palm was more plush than her own, but her fingers were bonier, and they also had a yellow undertone that darkened around the edges of her hands and turned into the warm color of the rest of her body. Marinette found this information oddly fascinating.

Her eyes flitted to Kagami’s face. Her gaze was on Marinette’s fingers, and Marinette realized that she was caressing Kagami’s palm. She flushed and retracted her hand, drumming her fingers on the countertop.

“Um, your hands are pretty nice actually.”

Kagami’s hands curled into loose fists.

“They aren’t soft though.”

“No, but anyone can tell that your skin’s texture is the product of hours of hard work.”

Kagami didn’t respond, but Marinette could make out a whisper of a smile on her lips.

“They, uh, they’re cool too.. Nice and cool.” Marinette swallowed, embarrassed she’d actually said that. Kagami blinked at her and Marinette hoped she hadn’t made it weird.

“Your’s are warm.”

Marinette stopped her drumming.

“Yeah, that makes sense.”

“Baker’s daughter thing again?”

Marinette chuckled and looked at her own hands now. “Yep, exactly.” She ran her right thumb along the base of her left thumb. Her skin had more of a pink undertone which she knew she’d inherited from her papa. Marinette wondered if both of Kagami’s parents had warm undertones. She glimpsed in Kagami’s direction. Her eyes were on the countertop, somewhat hidden behind her bangs. Marinette realized how little she actually knew of Kagami. They hadn’t been friends for that long so maybe that was obvious. Was it one of those rich kid-strict parents thing?

A ringing broke her train of thought. Kagami sat up and reached for her pocket, hastily pulling her phone out. A frown pulled on her lips.

“Everything alright? Is your mom calling?”

“Just a text. She wants me to come home now/”

“Oh, do you need to be somewhere?”

“No, it’s just past the time I told her It’d be here.”

“Why does she need you home then?”

“She doesn't, she just doesn't like it when I don’t stick to my plans.” Kagami returned her phone to her pocket, she could make out her exasperation through her movements.

“You need to leave then.”

“I do. I’ve intruded long enough anyways.”

“Of course you haven’t. But I’ll walk you out.”

Marinette stood up and Kagami followed. They made their way back to the bakery. Kagami nodded her head at her parents, a small bow of her head. “Thank you for letting me come into your home, M. and Mme.Dupain-Cheng.”

“You're always welcome -”

“Kagami”, Marinette offered.

“You're always welcome, Kagami. Have a good night, sweetheart.”

“And you as well.”

They exited the bakery, Tatsu already waiting for her.

“Well, it was nice seeing you. Feel free to come again.”

“I enjoyed talking with you.” Kagami’s smile was warm, her statement genuine.

“Thank you for allowing me to stay.”

Marinette could feel her own smile on her face. She waved as Kagami entered the car and drove off. It was evening by now.

Marinette stood in front of her home. She felt better.

A/N:

It's been a while since I last saw some of the episodes so if anything seems off let me know. I don't know if Anthony will make an appearance but I love the Brother AU so I'm including it. Feedback is appreciated, especially since I don't have any beta readers, point out any mistakes please. -Rey :D

#Marigami #Kagaminette #marinette dupain cheng #Marinette #Kagami Tsurugi #Kagami #mlb #mlb fanfic #miraculous ladybug #ladybug #you keep me waitin’#ykmw

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